#useless headcanon

[stuckasmain]

Headcanons that Matter to no one but me-

Frank’s middle name is “Ashley”. He doesn’t like to mention it unless he needs to for documents or press. Francis is already an old fashioned neutral name so I guess that’s what influenced me here.

As far as Dave is concerned he doesn’t have a middle name. His parents were the type to give all of their children the same middle name, he doesn’t like to hear it for obvious reasons. (Don’t know what it would be)

[yokatomoko]

Useless headcanon that Rio wasn't wrong and Comicon is actually called Comicscon in earth-42

[kizzer55555]

DP x DC: The Most Dangerous Card Game

Ok so Danny has essentially claimed earth as his. And he is fully aware that there are constant threats to the planet. Now he can’t stop a threat that originates on earth (that’s something he’ll leave to the Justice league) but he can do something about outside threats. Doing some research on ancient spells, rituals, and artifacts, he cast a world wide barrier on the planet to protect it from hostile threats so they cannot enter. This will prevent another Pariah Dark incident. However, barriers like this come at a price. You see, there are two ways to make a barrier. Either make one powered up by your own energy and power (which would be constantly draining) or set up a barrier with rules. The way magic works is that nothing can be absolutely indestructible. It must have a weakness. The most powerful barriers weren’t the ones reinforced with layer after layer of protective charms and buffed up with power. Those could eventually be destroyed either by being overpowered, wearing them down, or by cutting off the original power source. No, the most powerful barriers were the ones with a deliberate weakness. A barrier indestructible except for one spot. A cage that can only be opened from the outside. Or that can only be passed with a key or by solving a riddle. So Danny chooses this type of barrier and does the necessary ritual and pours in enough power to make it. And he adds his condition for anyone to enter. 

Now the Justice league? Find out about the barrier when Trigon attempts to attack, they were preparing after he threatened what he would do once he got to earth. How he would destroy them. The Justice league tried to take the fight to him first but were utterly destroyed, so they retreated home to tend to their injuries, and fortify earth for one. Last. Stand. Only when Trigon makes his big entrance…he’s stopped.

The Justice league watch in awe as this thin see-through barrier with beautiful green swirls and speckled white lights like stars apears blocking Trigon and his army’s advance. The barrier looks so thin and fragile yet no matter how hard the warlord hits, none of his attacks can get through and neither can he damage said barrier. That’s when Constantine and Zatanna recognizes what this barrier is. Something only a powerful entity could create. For a moment, the league is filled with hope that Trigon can’t get through yet Constantine also explains that it’s not impenetrable. And clearly Trigon knows this too for he calls out a challenge. 

And that’s when, in a flash of light, a tiny glowing teenager appears. He looked absolutly minuscule compared to Trigon and yet practically glowed with power (this isn’t a King Danny AU though).

And that is when the conditions for passing the barrier are revealed. And the Justice realize that the only thing stopping Trigon and his army from decimating earth. The only way he can get through….is by beating this glowing teenager in a card game. 

Not just any card game though. The most convoluted game Sam, Danny, and Tucker invented themselves. It’s like the infinite realms version of magic the gathering, combined with Pokémon, and chess. And Danny is the master. So sit down Trigon and let’s play.

(The most intense card game of the Justice league’s life).

After Danny wins, this happens a few more times with outer word beings and possibly even demons attempting to invade earth, yet none have been able to beat the mysterious teenager in a card game. Constantine might even take a crack at it and try to figure out how to play. He’s really bad though. Every time this happens, the Justice league worry that this might be the time the teenager looses. Yet every time, he wins (even if only barely). 

Meanwhile, Danny, Sam, and Tucker have gotten addicted to the game and play it almost daily. Some teachers might seem them playing the game are are like ‘awww how cute’ not realizing this game is literally saving the world. Jazz is just happy they aren’t spending as much time on their screens playing Doomed.

[astaroth1357]

If MC shouts one of the brothers names' loud enough in the Devildom, they will hear it and run right to them like it's an emergency.

Lucifer and Mammon are the fastest getting there.

Levi and Belphie are the slowest.

Beel and Satan will just cut a straight path to wherever MC is, even if they have to bust through walls and throw people to get there.

And Asmo never shows up alone. He'll always tell whoever he's with that MC needs help so he shows up with up to 10 guys as backup.

[havenotwillnotreadthebooks]

Lmao imagine if a couple wanted to get married in Lindon or Imladris and saw Elrond and was like “sure why not” and just, asked him to witness their vows in place of any actual maiar or valar.

Like the relationship between the elves in the Valar-Only-Mildly-Care Place and the Valar/Maiar themselves has got to still be stiff since elves are stupidly stubborn about holding grudges, so imagine if a couple just went “fuck the valinor glowsticks, Lord Elrond has been feeding us well and sheltering us for over a century. He’s got some ainur blood anyway.”

So they ask Elrond to be witness and he agrees thinking they just want a lord’s blessing or something and then-

“[Elvish Marriage Vows] we swear in the name of Lord Elrond Peredhel and Eru Illuvatar [More Marriage Vows]”

And at this point Elrond just has to roll with it but he bluescreens later while Erestor and Glorfindel laugh at him (Celebrian and or Gil-Galad too if they’re around)

Bonus points if It becomes a tradition in Imladris/Lindon even though he neutrally suggests a vala instead every time like

Elrond, trying not to get smited as soon as he steps foot into Valinor: hey Lady Yavanna is pretty cool though, right?

Elven Couple, exiled thousands of years ago and still frost-bitten: yes, pity there were no flowers in the Grinding Ice, my Lord. Anyways, would you mind being a witness to our wedding ceremony?”

Elrond starts glowing slightly and never lives it down. He goes to Valinor and people still ask him out of tradition or genuine respect and the Valar just have to put a small tapestry of Elrond as a patron of unions or something so they can claim some sort of control over the situation.

Elrond is mortified, and nobody lets him live it down.

[ky-landfill]

"Jay, Jason? You're okay, son. Just breathe."

[sexysapphicshopowner]

🤎 Context/AU (Alternate Universe): Modern AU- You and Sevika are coworkers turned best friends at her mechanic shop. She's having a little trouble telling you...something. She uses her Secret Santa gift to you to tell you.

🤎 soft!mechanic!Sevika x bubbly!mechanic!reader

🤎 CW/TW: lesbians being lesbians, Sevika is Sevika but you make her feel things...she's not sure what to make of that, blossoming relationship, pining, christmas, santa, fluff, pet names, first kiss, mistletoe, suggestive talk (you gotta close your eyes though), no use of y/n, not proofread

🤎 A/N: I know I should be writing part 2 to 'Our Love' but this idea (and Sevika period) is giving me serious brain rot. Enjoy my probably ooc ass version of Sev. This sucks ass, butttt I'll make up for it with a better post later, I promise!!

🤎 Notes: most times, I will be explicitly writing a black reader. this is not one of those times. this is a fully ambiguous reader save for the gender- female. I'm a firm believer in the beauty of Sevika's scars so to keep them in this we'll say she's a surviving burn victim.

🤎 Word count: 2.7k

🤎 You were one of the first people to apply for work when Sev first opened her shop

🤎 It was basically run by the two of you the way you became quick friends

🤎 You had come in, already dressed in a worker's jumper, the top half off and wrapped around your waist with a black cami on

🤎 If it weren't for how you were dressed, she wouldn't have even realized you were here about the job posting because she was too busy focusing on how pretty she thought you were

🤎 You started the same day

🤎 It wasn't like you two didn't notice each other, but you both put into your heads that it would be unwise for you to let your attraction go anywhere due to you guys basically running a business together

🤎 So every time you caught yourself drooling over Sev as she worked under the hood of a car, muscles rippling, grease covering her in smudges here and there....whew boy, let's just say you take a lot of....water breaks

🤎 She's no better either

🤎 The way her eyes follow your curves every time you bend over to pick something up

🤎 She stares at your lips whenever the two of you are talking, be it inside or outside of work

🤎 Speaking of which, you guys hang out- a lot

🤎 Within the first month of you working for her, she had already invited you over for dinner- as a friend

🤎 Once you guys become besties, you're over her place more than your own

🤎 You two will talk about any and everything together

🤎 At some point you call yourself trying to ignore your raging crush on your best friend and get a girlfriend

🤎 It ends in you being cheated on serially

🤎 You go to cry at Sev's the night of the breakup

🤎 This is the first time....something happens between you two

🤎 You're both drunk of your asses, you moreso than her

🤎 She's watching you intently as you curse out your ex and ramble on about all the things she wasn't meeting the bare minimum with

🤎 It's not until you've been silent for a while, lips no longer moving, that Sevika looks back up to your eyes, the two of you now dangerously close to one another

🤎 "What's wrong? I was listening I swear," she starts to defend herself

🤎 Your pupils are blown, your eyes glassy and your face flushed- whether from the alcohol, your proximity to Sevika, or a combination of both, you were too inebriated to tell

🤎 You reached up, fingers just barely grazing her jaw as you spoke

🤎 "Your face is so....you're beautiful..." you slurred, fingers ghosting over the scars that were etched into the lower left side of her face, trailing down her neck and disappearing underneath the collar of her t-shirt.

🤎 Her ears burned red hot as she just let you talk

🤎 You continued to slur on, but she chalked it all up to you being drunk until you said some words that made her heart beat faster in her chest

🤎 "'M not....s'posed to....I think....I like you...." you whispered as you leaned against her chest

🤎 Had you been a little more sober, you would've noticed the way her heart started to beat out of her chest at your words.

🤎 Actually, had you been a little more sober...you wouldn't have said that, but shhhh....

🤎 You were out like a light afterward

🤎 It wasn't until that night that Sevika started to get worse with hiding her feelings for you

🤎 She was taking you on more...friend dates

🤎 Buying you flowers because she knew you liked them and "I know you don't have anyone to get them for you right now, so..."

🤎 If you have a hobby like reading or maybe art, she's buying you new sketchbooks and supplies or she's getting you the newest editions of your favorites- all signed because hello??? she's that type of bitch fr

🤎 She gets you guys matching bracelets for your birthday after 2 years of friendship- yes, it's been that long now

🤎 Then comes Christmastime

🤎 You talked her a long time ago into doing Secret Santa with the peeps at the shop

🤎 She doesn't really see the hype, not having much experience with Christmas and it's traditions given her rocky relationship with her father, but she does it (only for you though)

🤎 This is the second annual Secret Santa for the shop

🤎 Just your luck, you don't end up getting Sevika like you wanted

🤎 That's okay though because Sevika got you

🤎 And you know she got you because of how much she's suddenly stressing the secret part of Secret Santa

🤎 Last year, she told you who she had gotten immediately, the two of you picking out your gifts for your respective people together and everything

🤎 Not this year

🤎 This year she doesn't tell anyone, not you, not anybody in the shop- and you know it, you asked around about it

🤎 She racking her brain trying to decide what to get you

🤎 Doesn't help that you're starting to render her useless

🤎 You're catching her spacing out while staring at you more often

🤎 She gets this fuzzy feeling and this misty look in her eyes whenever you're around

🤎 You kinda have an idea that she likes you back, you play into it

🤎 6 months ago, you had started returning her actions- buying her little gifts, making her lunch everyday because she'd forgotten one so many times that now she 'doesn't even have to worry about it', you plan a few friend dates yourself, you cuddle up to her more often whenever you two have your annual movie nights every week

🤎 It's all making her think maybe you know, but...last she checked you kinda liked someone

🤎 You hadn't told her who, even though you knew it was her, but in her mind she was competing with whoever this mystery crush was

🤎 She just wants you to look at her the way she looks at you

🤎 Back to Secret Santa though

🤎 The Christmas party is fast approaching and you still have no clue what the hell you're gonna do to figure out what Sevika's gotten you since you know she's your Santa this year

🤎 You've tried begging, bribing, snooping, everything at this point

🤎 She's keeping her lips locked tighter than a chastity belt at this point

🤎 The party is being hosted at Sevika's penthouse this year

🤎 You aren't allowed to help set up

🤎 You are not happy about that fact

🤎 "Relax, sweets...can't have you snooping in the gifts while we put them under the tree. You might accidentally see whatever your Santa got for you," she teased, running her finger playfully down your cheek

🤎 It was a trick. Your gift is in fact not under the tree

🤎 You decide to play her at her own game

🤎 If she wants to flirt and do all of this stuff for you, you'll do a little something for her as well

🤎 Everybody knows Sevika's got a thing for your body

🤎 You two are best friends

🤎 Best friends.

🤎 You know...those best friends that share a bed like they're a married couple

🤎 The touchy ones that make people question if they're actually secretly in a relationship

🤎 She's never shy about grabbing or smacking your ass- I mean you aren't shy about doing the same to her so it's fair

🤎 The two of you will regularly poke each other’s breasts in passing 

🤎 Whenever she’s driving you to you guys’ “friend dates”, she has to hold your thigh- will 100% make up some lie that it’s for your safety (“How does you caressing my thigh make me safer, Sev?” “You’re asking too many questions here, sweets. Do you want me to move it?” “.....no.” “Then let’s ride.”) 

🤎 So, with all of that known, you decided to show off said body for the party tonight 

🤎 You wore a form fitting dress that was advertised as a sexy Mrs. Claus dress 

🤎 The soft fabric clung to your body like it was practically painted on, the cute little fur trimmings not helping cover the fact that the hem stopped right at your mid-thigh 

🤎 The spaghetti straps and plunging neckline were hidden underneath your dramatic (faux) fur coat 

🤎 You topped it all off with a Santa hat and your matching bracelet Sev had gotten you 

🤎 Needless to say she wanted nothing more than to see what you had on under that coat when you were the last to arrive to party- a detail you made sure you kept since she refused to let you come over to help with set up for the party 

🤎 Her jaw actually dropped when you finally did take your coat off 

🤎 You teasingly closed her mouth, smirking almost knowingly at her, “You’ll catch flies, hotshot.” 

🤎 She’s flustered all night 

🤎 Not only because you seem to be genuinely flirting with her, but because she knows what she has in store for you

Sevika was a bundle of nerves every time you looked up to catch her staring at you. You were drinking a glass of champagne, talking to...someone...she didn’t know, she was too busy looking at you to figure out which of her employees you were fraternizing with at the moment. 

The time to exchange gifts couldn’t come any sooner for her. 

She had been trying to work up the courage to just tell you that she’s in love with you for weeks now, and you with your games weren’t making it any easier. 

You’d take all her gifts with such a grateful smile, throwing your arms around her neck, pressing a kiss to her cheek, but then the very next day you were talking about your mystery crush again. 

You hadn’t said anything to the effect that you didn’t like all the advances she had been making, so she knew you at least felt...something for her...but she needed you to know exactly what she felt for you. 

You looked up to catch her looking at you again, throwing her a bright smile before you excused yourself from conversation with Danny and his girlfriend who’s name you forgot the second he’d introduced her, moving across the living room to go talk to her, “Hey you.” 

Boy if you could feel the way her heart was pumping and how sweaty her hands were the second you walked up. 

It took her a few moments- which you noticed- to find her voice, but she managed to smile back at you, “Hey yourself, Ms. Social butterfly. You’ve talked to everyone already.” 

You gave a soft shrug, “I mean, it’s not that hard to talk to them, I do work with them all, save for the people who brought their partners. Besides, I haven’t talked to you yet, hence why I’m over here.” 

“Hm, true, true....How come you didn’t bring your little secret crush? Not serious enough for that yet?” 

If only you know, huh? 

You gave a half-hearted shrug, “It’s...complicated.” 

“I see. W-” before she could continue, the alarm on her watch went off, signaling that it was time to exchange gifts. 

Seeing as she was hosting this year (you had hosted last year), she was in charge of pulling every gift from under the tree and giving them to whoever’s name was on them, that person then trying to guess who bought their gift. 

You didn’t get anything. 

There’s no way you couldn’t have been chosen. And no one else had gotten their gift from Sevika. 

With everyone else focused on their gifts, she pulled you aside into the kitchen, once again fdgety and nervous, “So...” 

“So?” 

“About your gift....before I....before I give it to you...I have to say a couple of things....” 

“Yeah?” 

She looked at you for a few moments, you could see her contemplating in her mind what she wanted to say. 

She had spent hours in her mirror rehearsing this moment, yet now that it was here, she couldn’t remember a single word she had wanted to say to you. 

She blinked as your hand came up to cup her cheek, “Huh?” 

You gave a soft chuckle, stroking your thumb over her skin, “I said what’s wrong? You’ve been acting all weird with me all night. You’re nervous. Just tell me, babes, you know I’ll love whatever it is, especially if it’s from you.” 

That did not help her calm down. 

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before looking back to you again, “Okay, so...I know that we’ve been really good friends for....a while now....but lately I’ve been thinking and....I....I like you...you’re nice...and you’ve managed to make 2 years feel more like 20...so...what I’m trying to say is that I....I’m-” 

Your lips pressing to her cheek in a fleeting kiss cut her off as she stared at you baffled, sputtering. 

You giggled again when she couldn’t come up with something to say, pointing above her head, “Sorry, couldn’t help myself.” 

She looked up to find herself standing underneath a sprig of mistletoe. Her cheeks flamed red as she looked away, pulling a small box out of the pocket of her slacks, “Here.” 

You eyed her for a few seconds before opening the box, gasping softly at the necklace inside. 

You knew that necklace anywhere. 

She told you about it the first time you slept over at her place. 

She had drawn up the design years ago, saying she was going to get it made when she fell in love with a girl. 

You were not emotionally prepared for more than a n ‘i like you’ tonight. 

Neither was your makeup when you started crying. 

She looked up worriedly, “You don’t like it....” she mumbled under her breath, sounding so unbelievably hurt. 

“No, Sev....I love it.....I love you.....” 

“You do?” 

You chuckled through your tears, “Yes, you idiot. Who’d you think my secret crush was? I thought you would’ve gotten it when I said ‘she brought me flowers yesterday’, but instead you brought me an even bigger bouquet the next day as if you weren’t the only person that had gotten me flowers.” 

She rolled her eyes, “Look, I just knew that I really, really liked you, and if I had to compete with someone else to show you how I felt, so be it.” 

“You’re cute.” 

“And you look like a drowned rat, stop crying sweets and let me put the damned thing on for you.” 

You rolled your eyes, turning around anyway as she took the dainty necklace to clasp it around your neck. You punched her in the shoulder, “That’s for saying I look like a drowned rat.” 

She took the jab in stride, pulling you closer to her as she lifted your chin with her other hand, “You’re the prettiest little drowned rat I’ve ever seen...” 

You bit your lip, looking away, “You’re gay.” 

“As are you, your point?” 

“My poi-” 

“Look at me when you talk, sweets.” 

She knew what the fuck she was doing. 

Even still, you brought your eyes back to hers, your voice soft as you whispered breathily, “I love you...” 

“I love you too....” 

“So....” 

“So?” 

“What now?” 

She looked back up to the mistletoe above her head, pulling you forward so that it was over you now, “I show you how to actually kiss under the mistletoe.” 

Kissing Sevika was instantly your new favorite thing. 

She tastes like bourbon and cigar smoke with a hint of cinnamon. 

Her hands went straight to your hips, pulling you flush against her, her lips were surprisingly really soft- you had yourself to thank for that for helping her “discover” lip balm- sucking you in and drawing all the air from your lungs. 

You had a giddy almost drunken smile as she smirked down at you, “I think that may be my new favorite tradition.” 

🤎©️ All work belongs to sexysapphicshopowner. Do not use or repost my content in any way without my consent or permission. Thank you! 🤎

🤎 Taglist 🤎:

@certainlynotasimp @trafalgardvivi @love-sugarr

[duvewing]

[powdermelonkeg]

Things I think the Master Sword is made of:

Timeshift Stone (Skyward Sword) — Fi's gem, responsible for abilities in Ocarina of Time

Goddess Plume (Skyward Sword) — Responsible for purple hilt upon upgrade

Eldin Ore (Skyward Sword) — Blade of the Goddess Sword alloy

Fool's Ore (Oracle of Seasons) — Hilt of the Goddess Sword, blade of the Goddess Sword alloy, responsible for greenish tint

Aquanine (Phantom Hourglass) — Core of the Goddess Sword blade

Azurine (Phantom Hourglass) — Core of the Goddess Sword blade

Crimsonine (Phantom Hourglass) — Core of the Goddess Sword blade

Master Ore (A Link Between Worlds) — Blade of the Goddess Sword alloy, shields Fi's gem after upgrade

[uncannygoat]

Smile Dog is quite the wise fellow.

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

self indulgent horross doodles just because i can >B)

[functional-left-kidney]

some useless headcanons for the protagonist!

knows sign language. he took a class back in high school and fell in love with the language. he'll always say no no I'm nowhere near fluent i still have so much to learn. but like. he's fluent.

first job was at some local fast food chain. he hated talking to customers. he hated making the food. he hated everything about that job

has never had a cavity. he is terrified of the dentist. he will do everything he can to not go back there.

will kill and die for kettle cooked salt and vinegar potato chips.

really wants to own a cat someday. but for some reason cats never ever like him. he is scratched or bit every time he tries to pet one. it is very embarrassing. he acts like it doesn't hurt.

one of the few people on this planet who actually keeps himself hydrated.

can and will spend hours in an office supply store. his favorite section is the pens.

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

I've had this dumb headcanon floating around for a while for absolutely no reason

That Buggy's real name isn't "Buggy", it's just a name he's been using to hide the embarrassing truth that his real name is a very proper and distinguished sort of name, and he absolutely hates it because of that.

Something like "Bertram."

And the only person who knows is Shanks, who obviously uses it to get on his nerves.

And also obviously threatens to tell Mihawk and Crocodile when Buggy's being an overdramatic jerkface.

[hore4women]

No because how the fuck did Cynthia not even know she was fucking queer to begin with?????

I MEAN LOOK AT HER. SHE WAS LITERALLY CHECKING OUT/WATCHING OLIVIA WALK AWAY BEFORE SHE TURNED HERSELF AND POTATO AROUND. LIKE DAMN BITCH, IT WAS SO BLATANTLY OBVIOUS IN THE FIRST FUCKING EPISODE.

Headcanon: Cynthia DEFINITELY had a crush on Olivia before Lydia came into the mix, like there is no fucking way she didn’t have one at least. I mean who wouldn’t have a crush on Olivia???????????

Cynthia, you useless lesbian, you. It’s okay we’re all sometimes dumbass gay disasters.

[tumblezwei]

I think the worst thing so far that's come out of the whole jelloapocalypse situation is idiots who think that he tanked his career ~intentionally~ to whistleblow about localization companies being bad, and not because he wanted to go on a rant about how much he hates a fictional 15 year old girl and her author

[vawobefanart]

Guys, my hc is that goetia have like proper bird anatomy down there. Which makes Stolas (at least in bird form) a forced bottom. But then I thought about Ozzie, and Fizzarolli saying Ozzie‘d have like the biggest thing ever (which could be a lie, but I doubt it). So I had to research a little.

Ozzie is a rooster, isn’t he?

‘Something which looks a bit like a penis, but doesn’t actually do anything useful.’

That’s like the funniest shit I’ve read in a while, but that could just be my ace showing or my not wanting to be a parent or whatev.

Also if not useful also means it doesn’t get hard it’s even more logical that he makes dildos and stuff.