#vent post don't reply

[wizardlyghost]

fuckin vexes me that my best friend is someone i genuinely like but whom i have never actually hung out with outside work and am unlikely to start (mostly because people don't generally invite me places and i'm socially anxious aware enough to put together that if they're inviting each other but not me it'll be awkward for everyone if i put myself forward). and i periodically get the feeling that i'm kinda in the "weird friend (uncomfortable)" box for her bc i pick fights with the boss and have difficulty moderating my intensity sometimes. i know for a fact i'm not her best friend (which isn't something i'd ever want if it came from pity), i'm just a work friend, not even her best friend among the staff. and like all of that's completely valid and i have neither right nor intention to address it, but noticing this kinda brings to light where the bars are for my definitions of things like "close friend", and not in a good way, y'know?

and soon i'm gonna be leaving this job because i can't fucking live with this other douchenozzle's petty and vindictive chicanery anymore. and idk. i'm not scared, not really. i know what fear feels like and this isn't it. but at the same time i've been working in this building for over four years now. that's longer than i've ever lived in any house or town, longer than i've gone to any church, it's about as long as i've spent on my longest-attended school campus (no other institutions are really worth mentioning lol, those are pretty much the places i cycled between as a kid). it's for sure the longest i've ever worked somewhere or with any group of people. so leaving is gonna be... well, it's probably gonna bring my social circle back down to my immediate family and the internet weirdos on the other side of the world. again.

i guess it's like... this sigh of 'well, here we go again i guess'. i've had a lot of practice starting over. i was exactly thirteen when i accepted that with everyone you'll ever meet there'll come a day when you never see them again. but it never gets easier. starting again from ground zero, no close friends just distant acquaintances and family members buried under decades of baggage, never gets easier. or maybe it does and thirteen-year-old me was just more successful cutting out my heart to stop it bleeding than i thought.

vulnerability is something i have never once pulled off without it coming back to bite me, one way or another. it's difficult to maintain the distance, and it's difficult to not distance myself by reflex. i don't remember any way to live than to preemptively mourn everyone from the second i meet them.

they are all of them ghosts to me.

[inkly-heart]

please don’t be sad little sprout, you are loved 🌱 🖤

🌱

[front-facing-pokemon]

hello. i need u to know i hyperfixated on pokemon when i was 12 but i never really picked it up again bc i'm not much of a gamer anymore. knowing this, every single one of the pokemons u post make me giggle uncontrollably and make me smile. the fact that i do not even have to be a pokemon fan to enjoy something so silly like this. i love you

↑ here they do a backflip for you

but seriously. 'ppreciate the love. here's some nose ratings before i forget:

i've had a pretty rough time recently in my day-to-day so this ask has sat in my inbox for a while. but i appreciate it with all my heart. if i can rekindle any love for anything one has forgotten about then i think i've accomplished many, many more goals than i even set out to with this blog

[fuckyeah-bears]

you know 99% of the time i get nice, totally reasonable, polite, and frequently kind asks on bearotonin. but every now and then i get some asks that just make me wanna reply snarkily so badly lmao

[panharmonium]

What do you think about this: "Kakashi was never interested in Sasuke as an individual, he only projected himself into him and saw a smaller version of himself on Sasuke, Sasuke was never Sasuke to him, just a little Kakashi". I wanted to know your opinion because I miss your meta posts and I feel like lately people are hating Kakashi for things that aren't real :/, also you are really good at explaining and I feel that both characters need love

Hello! Thanks for the question!

The answer to "what do i think about this" is, honestly, that I don't think about it X) I watched the whole show without engaging with the fandom at all (for fear of spoilers, initially), so I was able to experience it without being exposed to anyone else's thoughts, and now that I'm done I generally still avoid poking around, because devoting mental energy to opinions that I find bizarre/not supported by the text doesn't enhance my fandom experience.

Kakashi and Sasuke's relationship is one of the most compelling things about the series to me. I was very surprised when I finished the show/manga and first exposed myself to the fandom only to find so few people invested in them, but at this point I've (mostly) stopped asking myself "what show was everyone else watching" and just settled into enjoying the show that I watched, because that's more fun for me. I can't convince people not to dislike Kakashi if that's what they want to do. I do find it a little weird, because I don't think that's what the story is asking from us, but as long as people mind their business and aren't bugging me on my own blog, they're free to do what they want.

I know it can be frustrating when there are people hating various characters for "things that aren't real," but the fact that these criticisms aren't "real" is precisely why I generally avoid engaging with them. For Kakashi, specifically, there are certain things people can say that will immediately make me stop taking them seriously - "projecting" is one. "Bootlicking" is another, but again, these terms are so wildly inaccurate that I'm not interested in talking about them. The manga and the show are easily accessible; if people want to rewatch/re-read them, they can.

In general, I just prefer to avoid engaging with most of the fandom negativity I see. I think overall most of the rancor I've stumbled across boils down to people engaging with the story in very ungenerous ways, if that makes sense, and that's not how I prefer to read/watch things. Like - back when I was still in the middle of watching the show, I remember someone sent me a message saying that they loved seeing me talk about the story with earnestness/joy, and it was such a lovely message to receive, but it also made me pause and wonder for a second if this was really an uncommon enough thing to be remarked upon. Wouldn't that be the default? Aren't we all here because we love the story and the characters so much? But the truth is that sometimes it does feel like large chunks of fandom spaces (not just Naruto, I mean; I've certainly experienced this elsewhere) are very focused on being negative about "things that aren't real," as you said. Like - people calling Sakura "abusive" for bopping Naruto on the head when he says something rude, when this is not something the text is even remotely trying to say about her. People writing off Jiraiya's entire storyline because of the non-consensual spying on women - which, yes, of course, is disgusting and wrong. Obviously. I am very aware of that. However, I can simultaneously recognize that the story isn't really interested in that or intending me to read it like that; the voyeurism is written as a joke (yes, I understand how gross that is) and there are a hundred potential personal and/or patriarchal and/or genre-related and/or cultural factors that may have gone into Kishimoto writing this particular fail. If I want to understand and appreciate what the story was ACTUALLY trying to communicate with Jiraiya (that he's an idealist who gave up on the world when everything went wrong, who turned to shallow pleasures of the flesh to distract him from the pain of his disillusionment, and who was finally restored to his former faith after meeting Naruto), then I have to mindfully set the voyeurism aside and go, "This writer wrote a gross thing, and I recognize that, but I'm also not going to fixate on it, because I can simultaneously appreciate/find meaning in what he was really trying to say."

I think some of the Kakashi complaints out there very much fall under this umbrella. If I have to see one more person frothing at the mouth about Kakashi briefly tying Sasuke (a qualified ninja who has already demonstrated his ability to escape rope restraints and whom Kakashi has been individually mentoring, sparring against, and connecting with for a month) to a tree for approximately sixty seconds - honestly. I don't know how to tell people they're missing the point, so I don't bother.

Ultimately, the fact of the matter is that people are entitled to dislike any character that they want, even for contrived reasons. As long as they're doing their own thing in their own space and letting me do my thing in mine, we're good.

[hiimawarish]

I've been bombarded by posts about characters being shitty DPS or "the worst DPS" in basically every social media platform and I am SO tired of them. Why are meta players SO repetitive? Yeah, sure, maybe JY needs a bit more time and resources to do more damage but I don't care? Like some of us play and pull for characters we like, not because they are meta or because our sole purpose is to do tons of damage. Sure, damage is nice, but as long as I can defeat the enemies, I don't give a damn about my characters doing 1M.

And I've seen a lot of the same discourse with Navia and Itto now??? With people arguing about who's the better DPS and whatnot about geo and monogeo teams. I pulled for Navia because she's gorgeous and I am emotionally attached to her, not because she does big numbers. I literally didn't know she'd make big numbers when I decided to pull for her. Kinda like when I pulled for Neuvi.

I'm just so tired of meta players coming on to every single post saying these things. We get it. You love builds and investing in the best characters and teams. Good for you.

Just let me fucking enjoy my game with my characters in peace.

[densewentz]

did they delete their take lmao it's so funny when someone else is all like Look people I am right and you are wrong and my take is the sole truth. like okay? do your own thing but don't force me to believe or agree lol.

if this is about that long-winded reblog of my pro-catwin rant, I blocked that person and anyone who reblogged that version lol. If they want to make their own rant post about their take on it more power to them, but I'm under no obligation to let strangers use my posts as a platform to make declarations or argue about how I'm "wrong and actually their take is correct".

I wasn't kidding when I said I wasn't in the mood for shenanigans on my own post lol

[scienceoftheidiot]

Yup, still up.

Once again reminded my brain works like a fucking dog's

I'm having separation anxiety AGAIN

And it's only the beginning. Like. I'll get him back tomorrow and then he's leaving for longer yet on Wednesday. And this on and off for weeks.

That means I won't be able to sleep properly, or work properly, or do my chores properly (rather: worse than usual. I'm not doing any of that properly even when he's there, I never could), or do anything, for weeks. And I hate that I finally got a grasp on it and I hate that he knows that too and I hate that I can't do shit about it even if it's OBVIOUS

But yeah I'm a perfectly functional adult, yeah, why bother trying to get a diagnosis, uh? You got a PhD after all that means you're functional - thanks, shitty therapist I paid 60€/h monthly for two years. Damn useful. She really did say that by the way. Multiple times.

I should sleep. Wish I could have a good cry but I can't even seem to manage that. Urgh.

[naomiknight-17]

Maybe gargle my cock and balls

[dontvap0rdawave]

what do you think of the ship cube x blixer?

I don't really mind, don't really care, mostly desensitized to it (and a lot of the ships here, but not in a bad way and more of a: I've seen so much and so varied of them that I guess I'm used to it?? Yeah I think that's it, kinda way)

Like, don't get me wrong, some stuff I've seen of it is cute. That goes with every other ship, but I guess it was like the norm at one point in the fandom and I just became used to seeing it and just walked over it without a care in the world. I know people put a lot of work and lore in the ship, and you know what? That's cool! You do you in your wacky adventures, but some of it it's just not for me and that's okay too

I don't attack anyone for it, no one attacks me, I'm always respectful of other people's headcanons and storied and whatnot. It's not cool to attack people just because they're pretty much existing and drawing stuff they like, they're still people.

With that all said, I don't mind it... What I DO mind is people of said ship trying to mess with me because I am cringe (affectionate) and basically a OCxCanon shipper the whole way

Now, truth be told, the first years was when it was really bad, because it was when the fandom was starting, and everyone was fighting everyone, and there were still a lot of very vocal kids and whatnot. THAT, was stresful-

Nowadays it's all chill, people are way more respectful, and I'm sure some of my audience grew as people and stopped fighting with other people just because of some blue cats. That has lifted a huge weight off my back, yet still, there are some crazy people back there trying to make me either look bad, or want to defend the ship like white knights, which I just walk away from

Friendly reminder that I'm a person who just wants to self-indulge and vent through my works most of the time, and if you don't like my stuff you're more than free to block me, just don't send me death threaths over a ship

[lucyvaleheart]

.

[wizardlyghost]

most jarring realisation of my recent life was when i realised that one of my closest friends is afraid of me. like, as far as i can tell not in that she thinks i'll harm her, but that anxious fear of the whistleblower, the witchhunter, the zealot - everyone takes shortcuts just to get by, and if i'm willing to go toe to toe with my manager over his bullshit out of principle, what's to stop me from deciding to take issue with her faults?

i hate it. i hate being the person who inspires any kind of fear more than life itself, but that specific kind of fear i despise on its own unique level. that's the fear i grew up under, that's the fear i spread far too much of as a child before i realised that that was what i was doing - this is a kind of fear that creates tools to spread itself further, especially out of autistic children who don't know any better than to pester everyone to follow the Rules and don't understand why they subsequently have no friends.

i really thought i'd left that obsessively pedantic little shit behind, y'know? i thought i'd at least toned it down enough that people who'd known me for more than five minutes could look at me and i'd not see the shutters automatically go down behind their eyes.

i don't know how to avoid that look without closing my eyes and ears to everything happening around me, lying down, and taking every jab that comes my way with a "Thank you, Sir!". i thought standing up to authority figures would be different, but as someone who spent a long time as an inveterate tattletale, the way people look at you when you walk into a room is very familiar.

[emperorsfoot]

gosh I wish my boss could've just emailed me that the security cameras showed the adhesive strips fell into my coffee by accident! why we gotta have a meeting about it unless the cameras do show someone putting them in my cup!? like, that's some cartoonishly evil shit! Friday is tomorrow yet it feels like a million years away. I gotta go into work and do my job like I'm not freaking out that one of my coworkers put something in my coffee!!

[uselessnbee]

i am tired of the way people act like aromantics feeling other kinds of love is some kind of redeeming quality

every time there's a post about aromanticism the comments are flooded with people saying how aromantic people can still feel love it's just not the romantic kind and like yes it is important to point that out because it is true that some aromantic people still feel other kinds of love but not all!! and that's okay!! some aromantic people don't feel love at all and it doesn't make them any less valid! and i'm not saying people need to stop with those comments there's nothing wrong with that but the moment someone tries to point out that loveless people exist and are valid others start acting so fucking weird about it

i have a really weird relationship with love i use the word "love" to describe how am i feeling about people or pets or other stuff because it's the closest thing to describe how i feel but at the same time i'm not 100% sure what i feel is actually "love"

it doesn't probably makes sense but i just feel like i don't feel love the same way others do, the same way this society deems normal and how i am supposed to feel it and so having people act like me feeling other types of love or attraction that are just not romantic and sexual is something that redeems me from not feeling romantic love just makes me really uncomfortable

i don't want people to keep pointing out how i can feel other types of love as if it's the only thing that makes me valid

like and what if i don't? what if i don't feel love at all? does that make me less valid? it should not. i should be valid for being me for being who i am not for being able to feel any kind of love.

i am tired of the way love is treated as something that makes us human. i'm tired of people acting like people who do not feel love are suddenly terrible and inhuman. it's just a fucking emotion and not everyone needs to feel it. if someone told you they can't feel hatred would you suddenly tell them they're terrible and inhuman because feeling hate is what makes us human? no because that's fucking stupid. how is it any different with love?

i could write whole essays about how fucking stupid it is that people act like feeling love and empathy is what makes us human and good people. there are some absolutely vile and cruel people in this world capable of doing monstrous things and some of them do feel love or empathy. does that suddenly make them good people? does that suddenly erase all the terrible things they've done just because they feel certain emotions? no it really doesn't. so why should it be any different if it's the other way around. good people are good because they choose to be kind. people can be the kindest souls on this earth and don't need to feel love and empathy.

i know i'm rambling and probably don't make sense but i'm just really tired. i'm tired of people acting like me being able to feel other kinds of love is what makes me valid. like me feeling love is that one good thing about me. i want to be able to say proudly that i am aromantic that i am aroace that i don't feel romantic love without needing to clarify that yes i do feel other types of love as if that's what makes me better. i am not better or more valid than loveless people just because i "can" feel love or whatever other bullshit

they're valid too and i want to be valid without needing to "feel love" i want to feel like i would be valid and accepted even if i wouldn't feel love at all

[bookwyrminspiration]

quil is this u 😭 https://twitter.com/rrrrrrraddd/status/1741142180142481556

(clickable link)

Oh my god is that why it's gotten some notes again recently??? it broke containment again??? That one post is my legacy I'm never going to top it. if I'd known it was going to be seen by *checks link* over a million people if I'm reading that right then maybe I would've checked my grammar

anyway. goddamn.

[mementoasts]

computer how do i convince myself that simply sending my friend a pic of something i think they'd like is probably not going to get me perceived as the most irritating motherfucker on the entire planet