#villianous osha

[villainous-osha-official]

As the holidays approach, we here at C.R.I.M.E would like to remind you that while not technically required in either C.R.I.M.E guidelines or the Goonion Charter, holiday parties are highly encouraged to boost morale. Some recommendations for holiday parties include: Make sure that a diverse selection of treats are available and account for any known dietary requirements—Mad Chemists Anonymous has recently published a helpful holiday cookbook. Provide optional entertainment as well as, if necessary, childcare. Take this as an opportunity to learn about other cultures. Use the opportunity of the annual company bake sale to finally exact your revenge upon that hussy, Becky—her lemon bars last year weren't even that good.

For heists, hold-ups, and various acts of villany in colder climates, some additional precautions should be taken to ensure the safety of you and your henchpeople. For guidelines on this, please consult Section V-35, paragraphs 19 through 38.

Condolences are extended to the families of the victims of this year's Defrosting Incident. Generally, there are few to no casualties when [REDACTED] is released from [REDACTED] [REDACTED][REDACTED] to wreak havoc on the Heroes, burn The [REDACTED] into the minds of millions, and distract Heroes from our collective schemes. However, due to some unforeseen events involving some Heroes this year's release was particularly violent. Please refer to section V-21 if this occurred to one or more of your henchpeople. Condolences are once again offered to the families of the affected, and all proceeds of the C.R.I.M.E Annual Holiday Bake Sale not already allotted to various Goonion-run charities and shelters, will go to the Fridged Henchpeople's Memorial Fund.

IMPORTANT:

Per C.R.I.M.E guidelines, as well as the Goonion Charter, henchpeople are to be granted holiday leave upon request.

We may be criminals, but that does not mean we cannot do crime safely.

Crimen Bene Factum—Do Crime Well.

[ellascreams]

Adventures in the Evil Office: OSHA and the Union

Micheal (assistant): Hey, boss?

Zara: Yes Micheal?

Micheal: I just wanted to let you know that we’re making some small changes to the base so it complies with OSHA regulations.

Zara: What.

Micheal: Nothing big, the actual building seems to be up to code, but some boxes are stacked to high, dangerous equipment isn’t properly labeled, fire exits are blocked, and we don’t have a gun safe. I don’t actually know if that last one is a violation or not but it just doesn’t sit right with me.

Zara: We’re a secret organization conducting illegal experiments. Why do we need to follow safety laws?

Micheal: The legal stuff doesn’t really matter, but the union is worried about their safety and asked us to change it within the next week.

Zara: Union?

Micheal: Oh right, I forgot to mention that. The workers have unionized.

Zara: Once again, we aren’t a legal organization. How have they unionized?

Micheal: Well it’s not a legal union, they can’t sue us or anything, but they can go on strike or quit. According to my calculations that would bring productivity down by about 100%, so, I’m just giving them what they want.

Zara: Right. Well, I suppose that’s an understandable request. Is that all?

Micheal: Actually there’s one more thing. They want their dental insurance to cover superhuman based incidents.

Zara: I swear to chaos theory, how could that possibly be relevant in a dental plan?

Micheal: You’ve been having them chase after children who can control ice as cold as liquid nitrogen and fire about as hot as lava. They want to cover all their bases. Plus there’s apparently a new teeth based supervillain in town.

Zara: That’s… disconcerting. Fine. We can add more to the dental plan, but it will mean more robberies and black market deals. Insurance isn’t cheap. Is that acceptable?

Micheal: I’ll try my best to negotiate it with them. That’s all the news I have. Although, while we’re at it—

Zara: No you may not have a raise.

Micheal: Understandable, have a nice day.

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

Jason: MAKE ROOM PEOPLE!

Bruce: What are you doing? Why are you wearing a safety vest?

Jason: I'm the Bat-OSHA inspector

Bruce: Did Duke put you up to this?

Jason: No, I volunteered. Now if you could step aside sir, I'm trying to do my job

Bruce: I'm not going to be able to stop you, am I?

Jason: Nope. Now let's see, you've got literal bats flying around. Stalagmites and stalactites everywhere, that's a tripping hazard. Nowhere near enough handrails. No marked emergency exists. With all this moisture in the air, this place is basically a brothel for mold. I'm not sure what the proper enclosures for a cow and turkey are, but I know a cave ain't it. And it's that a child working in a box I see?

Bruce: Tim is in the "anti-villian enrichment enclosure" that you made for him!

Tim: Hi Jason!

Jason: Hi Tiny!- I hope you know keeping children in boxes is something not tolerated by Bat-OSHA.

Bruce: You put him in there not 30 minutes ago!

Jason: Always an excuse for everything.

[blergarfvader]

A true vilf, bring back the acolyte so we can see both osha and qimir be 'villians'

[zionysuss]

Okay Ima be honest-

When I first watched acolyte, I wasn't too confident in it for a handful of reasons. The premise seemed interesting tho (Im a sucker for mystery thrillers lol) but the script, acting and other aspects had me feeling offish about the show, especially ep 3. HOWEVER Lee Jung-jae (Sol), Jecki and the fighting scenes (way better than the Ahsoka show s o r r y) from the trailer kept me going.

NOW THIS MF

THIS GOOFY LIL BOY HAD ME HOOKED THE SECOND HE CAME ON SCREEN

Im one of the stupid viewers that didn't really connect the dots until episode 4 but I had doubts watching episode 5 when Osha said her mother could get into Jedi's heads like Zipper dude was doing BUT IHUDJWIUDJWIJDIWJIOAJ

For me and some other people Manny Jacinto saved the series. Every scene he was in during/after the fights were tense and had me on the edge of my seat. Especially his scenes with Lee, their the best actors in the show (my opinion don't kill me ;-;).

But yeah like many, I'm head over heels for the sexy, no chill at all villian and probably Sol too since it seems like he's got his own *ahem* DARKNESS *ahem*.

TL;DR: I had many doubts about the show but episode 5 was the best episode for me. Still have doubts and issues but the episode made me more hopeful. Manny Jaciento and Lee Jung-jae's backs must hurt from carrying this episode. They had great chemistry (platonic, they're trying to kill eachother ;-;). Also a Qimir-based appreciation post :D.

[celenequinn]

Acolyte Final Thoughts

Now that Acolyte is finished I thought I would do a round-up of my thoughts on the series for my own sake :)

Plu, Acolyte has come onto my screen during a very tumultuous time in my life and I am overall just thankful to have good story as a distraction! The fact I get to not think about anything except lightsabers is a welcome change and one I'm very greatful for.

Spoilers!

Things I love:

The fights: HELLLO? Oh man I love a good battle and I love a good explosion. There was so many gorgeous lightsabers. I loved the super cool stuff like Jecki double wielding against the The Stanger, every time Sol did anything with a blade, and definitely Jacinto's arms I mean wielding sorry. There was just so much talent that went into each battle making even the corniest slow-mo cool.

Many Jacinto, Amandla Stenberg x2, and Lee Jung-jae: The acting of these 3 in particular blew me away. Stenberg ATE with their lines for both Mae and Osha. And the emotional journey JJ went on was so raw. I'm now tempted to watch everything he have ever been in. And then Jacinto just ended up being a scene stealer everytime he was on. Nothing but respect for the casting team.

The Lighting: I could see EVERYTHING! What a novel idea! Also the lightsabers gave off such gorgeous light in the perfect moments.

Jecki: She's for the girlies I don't make the rules. She filled the Omgea sized whole in my heart.

Costumes: Textures? Yes pls. Also everything was tailored so well I could'nt help but notice.

The Coven: I love when SWs is spooky and they gave us spooky with this coven. I was werid and dark and I loved it.

The Stranger/Qimir/Darth Teeth: My biggest suprise for the season. I honostly have'nt had a villian I have been scared of in a long time, but I got majorly scared when he showed up and started rampaging. And then switch to like, "ok he's sexy now?" and "ok he's evil but has feelings?" was so much fun.

Things I did'nt love:

Vernestra: I'm a books fan so I knew Vern before this all and I wish I just got somthing *more* from her. She's so cool on paper and I wish either more emphasis was placed on her side plot or, she was given more instresing character or things to do. She had more screen time than charaters like Jecki or Yord and I know them so much better than Vern.

Jumping Planet to Planet: This is just a pet-peeve of mine. I wished they either moved around all the time or stayed in one place. I hate this in between they got going on. It was mostly in the later half of the season tho

Pacing/Episode Length: This is not a new complaint but still it just did'nt really flow well for me. I feel like they should've started with the 1st flashback, did the 2nd mid-season. And them end where they did. Just my 2 cents.

Overall: I'm a lesbian execpt for Sith-Manny-Jacinto. I'm adpoting Jecki. And Sol, honey, you were doomed by your own choices.

See you in hell, Jedi!

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

OSHA Compliance Required.

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/iL4tH0a

by Omnicrex

floralflowerpower posted an idea for OSHA Inspector Danny Fenton and like everything else I was possessed.

Danny inspecting the Watchtower and giving the Justice League anxiety. (as a treat)

A one-shot. Unless inspiration hits again

Words: 1672, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 6 of Prompt Fills

Fandoms: Justice League - All Media Types, Danny Phantom

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen

Characters: Danny Fenton, Superman, J'onn J'onzz, Flash (DCU), Green Lantern, Wonder Woman - Character, Batman

Additional Tags: Danny does OSHA inspections, For places that OSHA has like no real jurisdiction, OSHA now has a Ghost Branch, they cover Hero/Villian workplace safety, Danny may or may not be Ghost King, Who Knows?, whatever is funnier

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/iL4tH0a

[save-the-villainous-cat]

Villian used to work for a supervillain who was

bad

osha would not approve

also just in general awful person

probably the sort who would like put a brand or a tattoo or scar or something to be like you are part of my organization and blah blah possessiveness blah blah permanent so it’s a metaphor etc etc

so villian managed to escape to a different town and change their villian name and whatnot

its been a few years and villian and hero have a mildly cordial relationship like theyre not actually trying to do Murder on each other or anything but hero doesnt know about villains past or anything

then supervillain comes to the city cause they finally found villian

and villian naturally is scared and whatnot

bonus if supervillain has an agreement with the hero agency cause theyre like yeah my weapon or reassure or whatever was stolen or something but they mean villian and the hero agency doesnt know that villian is who is being looked for

The hero rubbed their palm over their forehead, sighing.

“So, let me get this straight. You want witness protection?”

The villain swallowed. Precisely put. Also, very bluntly.

Though they wanted to do more, all they could manage was a nod. Constant anxiety creeping through them had left them sleepless for over a week now. They were exhausted to the bone, barely standing. Surely, they couldn’t do this any longer.

They needed the hero’s help. Not even the agency itself was ready to provide any assistance but the hero was good. Wholeheartedly devoted to the citizens. And the villain was a citizen. They had to help them.

“And what exactly have you witnessed?” the hero asked, looking over the agreement of the agency again.

“Coercion, poisoning, drugging, assault, battery, imprisonment?” the villain answered.

The hero quietened, redirecting a tiny decorative statue of another superhero —probably their friend— on their desk. Before they turned back to the villain, they looked out of the window, watching how the streets below were living a life on their own.

“I cannot prohibit them to come here,” they said, gaze piercing through the villain.

“They are a supervillain,” the villain insisted. There had to be some kind of law to forbid a fucking supervillain to enter the city.

“Look, this paper states their weapon has been stolen and they have a right to search for it since it’s their property. They are allowed to cross our territory, I cannot disallow it as long as they don’t do any harm. I don’t like it either, believe me.”

“They are searching for me. I am the weapon,” the villain said, looking at the ground, afraid the hero could make out any emotion on their face if they gazed at them. Some wounds never healed fully, they supposed. Their scars were throbbing.

“You are a weapon?” The hero was sniffing out every potential threat for the city like a police dog. Even if that was a person. They were ultimately the personification of justice. So, the villain didn’t take this personal.

“No. I mean, technically, yes. But not literally — it’s complicated.” The hero crossed their arms, looking indifferent when the villain stumbled over their own words.

“I can’t do much, I’m sorry. The supervillain is legally allowed to spend their holidays or whatever here as long as they don’t do anything illegal,” the hero said, tipping their finger on the table.

“But they are a criminal,” the villain argued, voice shaking. The villain felt that desperation again, this helplessness was overcoming them anew, tearing little bits off of them, eating them raw. No one was on their side and no one was coming to help them.

“They haven’t committed any crimes here.”

“They are torturing people,” the villain reminded them.

“It’s out of my hands. The agency in their hometown has to take care of that. I can get in contact with them if you want me to. But like I said, I am sorry. Truly.” Ludicrous, how the hero almost sounded sincere.

“They own their hometown. I don’t think anyone will pick up the phone and fulfil your wishes.” The villain let out a dead huff which could’ve been a laugh if the circumstances were less serious.

“You are very funny,” the hero said deadpanned.

Silence haunted the room. Only the ticking of the hero’s electrical clock was filling it and reminded the villain of their own personal doomsday.

“I don’t think I can do much for you without evidence,” the hero said eventually.

“But I am the evidence. I’ve seen those things, I have experienced them.”

The hero closed their eyes, drawing a breath.

“I cannot put you into witness protection when you are not providing testimonial evidence during or after a trial. No one sues the supervillain at the moment. Maybe you can take the first step,” the hero suggested. The villain would’ve laughed out loud, this time for real. What the hero was proposing was preposterous.

“You expect me to sue a supervillain? My head would roll off my shoulders before I could step into court.” The hero held up a demanding hand to silence the villain.

“I don’t expect you to sue the supervillain. But I am not above the law. And neither are you. I expect you to follow the principles which were established by society. There are rules in this world, even for those who were gifted with more power than others at birth.”

The villain threw their hands up, ready to let out their anger somehow.

“This is ridiculous. They will drag me back and continue to torture the living shit out of me. This has nothing to do with justice.”

Standing up, the hero stared them down as if they had summoned all the power of the agency and with that, the power of the whole city.

“Then I suppose you start clearing your own name and join the agency. Gifted people are always welcomed here, even villains. That’s the only thing I can do for you.”

part 2

[cactus-zombie]

This has stuck out at me for awhile because if you think of it, Adrian is not really a villian, Rather another victim of a resonance cascade and the OSHA nightmare that is Black Mesa.

Think of this, what is Adrian's goal? sure he was sent there to silence the scientists but he didn’t get that memo intel so much later. His goal is the exact same as Barney, and Gina, and Colette; Survival.

Heck he did more than Barney! He killed the Gene worm! He tried to disarm the nuke! He didn’t have to do any of this but he did.

Adrian is not a hero in the same way Gordon is, But he is still a hero and should not be labeled as a villain simply because his circumstances for being at black mesa are different.

[gingerly-writing]

Not a prompt suggestion but fun idea: hero works for OSHA and when the villian kidnaps them, instead of escaping, they nitpick at every single OSHA violation in their lair

so....this came into my emails before but never showed up in my askbox, but it just showed up today???? ....okay tumblr

anyway YES I LOVE THIS this has the exact same vibes as the cops finally arresting Al Capone over tax fraud 😂😂 we can’t get Lex Luthor for being a murderous multi-billionaire asshole but we can get him on OSHA violations in his evil lab fghjgfghjgh

[villainous-osha-official]

Yes, hi, I’m a supervillain whose entire schtick is that I’m a duck who is THOROUGHLY inconveniencing. Where do I apply to get an incredibly imposing henchperson who people mistake for the actual crime lord?

Inquiries regarding the obtainment of henchpeople can be directed to either the Goonion, Minions-For-Hire, Villainous Foils Ltd, or any number of other private-sector henchperson agencies. You should receive an answer in 7 to 13 business weeks—or whenever they finish rebuilding an office after a hero got punted out for trying to interfere with normal operations.

Do make certain that you thoroughly have read and understand the Goonion Charter, as violations of said charter can have both hefty fines and severe shortening of lifespans.

C.R.I.M.E cannot be held responsible for consequences of misuse of this information.

Just because we are criminals, it doesn't mean we can't do crime safely.

Crimen Bene Factum—Do Crime Well.

[lovinthosecrits]

DnD One Shot Idea

OSHA Violations - sometimes the real villian is the OSHA violations made along the way

[kara-querl]

Karadox in the Silver Age Part 1

Please. . .please. . .Don't hate me . . .!

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Issue: Action Comics #276 Date: May 1961 Writers: Jerry Siegel Pencils: Jim Mooney Inker: Jim Mooney   Available in:  Legion of Super-Heroes the Silver Age Vol. 1 Legion of Super-Heroes the Silver Ave Omnibus Vol. 1

So in the poll adorable #silverage (1956-1970) #karadox beat out bronze so I am going to go back to the beginning and show you how it all began. to stat off how about the first ever panel in which Brainy appeared (ignoring later retcons)

The day starts out with poor Kara in her Linda Lee disguise at the orphanage where Kal El dumped her being depressed about not having friends. (This was even before she was adopted by the Danvers) For all her superpowers Kara was still a teen longing for approval and belonging.

Where is Lena? Well it would be another year and a half before they met and still Lena really only knew Linda and Supergirl as separate people. Most of her 20th century friends were either Linda or Supergirl's friends while the legion knew a truly integrated version of Kara.

Now as backstory long long before Kara befriended Lena, Brainy, Mon EL or J'onn Saturn Girl had invited her to join the legion and even though she failed on a technicality they had become friends. This is a lot of what angered me about her treatment last season.

(Panel is from  Action Comics #267, Reprinted in Action Comics #334 and  Adventure Comics #492) So while Kara/Linda is feeling lonely Saturn Girl (Imra) arrives and hears her thoughts. So she decides to meet her in disguise? and how does Kara not recognize the costume?

Note the use of jet packs as Brainy has not yet joined the team or invented the flight rings.

Then Phantom Girl and Triplicate Girl (Kal El's future girlfriend he had a lot of girlfriends in the 60s) appear to offer their friendship to Kara. It seems she has more friends than she thought.

They then all pile in the time bubble so Kara does not risk exposure to Red Kryptonite again (which got her disqualified previously) We will find out later that the time bubble is one of Brainiac 5's inventions while working at the Time Institute before joining the Legion.

Much later in the Bronze Age (Secrets of the Legion of Super-Heroes 1981) we learn that from the Legion's point of view Kara actually joined first before Superboy, but I do not thing that was the original intent.

This would then set up the reveal that Brainiac 5 did not invent time travel to retrieve Superboy for RJ Brande but to meet Supergirl and possibly prolong her life. (Legion of Super-Heroes #16)

But I digress. When the girls reach the future they are greated by Cosmic Boy and Lightning Lad who also became friends with Kara on her first attempt to join the Legion. They invite her to try out for the legion again and introduce her to some of the other contestants.

Which brings up back to: "As a handsome, green-skinned youth approaches the club table. . ." Kara has this feeling she has seen him somewhere before. . .

Look at his scared face as he reveals his heritage.

This would be echoed years later in the JLU episode "Far From Home" with the line:

"Just because he is SERIOUSLY CUTE does not mean we should trust a Brainiac" ~Supergirl

"I understand your loathing for the fiend who was my ancestor! But please. . .please. . .Don't hate me . . .!" ~Brainy 

Seeing Supergirl is not quite convinced he continues to plead his case. Kara for her part keeps urging him to talk so she can stare longingly into his eyes. So this leads to Querl spilling way more information about the future than he should to Kara.

Still she doubts him. He has his work cut out for him but at least she is looking his way.

Later when Laurel Gand took over Kara's history this origin is retold with some slight differences. (Legion of Super-Heroes Vol 4 #9)

Next come the actual tryouts where each candidate must display a talent no other legionnaire possesses. Kara goes for super digging and brings back a collection of long lost historical treasures. Brainy is enthralled with her every movement.

This also would later be retold for Laurel Gand, 

Supergirl Cosmic Adventures in the 8th Grade 

and when Kara finally returned after her 20 year banishment. (Supergirl Annual #2)

Suddenly up runs handsome Querl with his belt in his hand begging Kara to let him put it on her. This is rather forward for having just met and being a girl from 1961 but Kara rolls with it... no sooner does she put it on when a kryptonite meteor hurls towards them!!! 

This is the first time we ever see Brainy's force shield belt and it is Kara who is using it. She quickly understands she is protected and proceeds to save Querl from being crushed by smashing the kryptonite to pieces. This trust and teamwork is really the heart of #karadox

Brainy doesn't need to explain how the belt works he trusts she is smart enough to not only figure out what it does but know how he intended her to use it. 

While Lightning Lad and Cosmic Boy load the bits of kryptonite into the back of a Chevy El Camino, Kara has plenty of time to ask why Brainy would take such a risk to his own life. "I'm no villian, although my ancestor was! I'd gladly sacrifice my life to save your, any time!" ~ Brainy

This line, along with another you will hear in a minute was uttered by Brainy while he lay unconscious in Supergirl Annual #2 (2010) (Because @sterlinggates is a master, a scholar and an epic Supergirl stan. Go buy this issue now!)

As the El Camino speeds away full of kryptonite (100% sure that OSHA would not be ok with this) We get the first hint that Kara is coming around. "He's sweet" She tries to return the belt but Brainy makes it a gift... What happens to it... We will get to that.

I think you can guess who the 2 new Legionnaire's end up being. #karadox Don't worry though Shrinking Violet, Sun Boy and Bouncing Boy all make it in eventually.

But soon Querl, in possibly his most forward romantic overture ever, gathers up his courage and asks her to stay and be his girl. But Kara's duty to Kal El is absolute it is the same devotion to her cousin that would eventually lead to her sacrificing her own life but that is years away and it is her sense of duty that truly gives her her strength. Don't worry though they will be seeing more of each other soon.

Her super-girlfriends take her home via time bubble, but soon Kara begins to contemplate the true ramifications of Brainiac 5's present.

(Everyone is starting to see now the true ramifications of stripping Brainy of his invention of the force shield belt. Without it he would not have won Kara's heart. I am sure they can write a new story but it is a large part of theirs missing. #thebeltisbrainys)

So she calls up her mer friends to see if they can help her test the belt. Now Jerro the Merboy is a total Supergirl stalker. Hence hanging out by her giant portrait in the art gallery. Now that Brainy is in the picture he begins to fade away until he finally gives up pursuit. But that will be in the next chapter.

Eventually after a few more adventures she uses up all the battery in her belt and returns to the orphanage.

But now she knows that she not only has 3 (5 if you count Lournu's duplicates) Super Girlfriends and 2 Super Boyfriends.

Next chapter: Supergirl’s Coming Out Party 

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[planetstory]

Writing Prompt

[WP] “Please.” The Villian whimpers. “There must be something I can do.” You stare at your clipboard. “Lose the spikes and turn off the volcano and we can talk.” Being an OSHA auditor for superpowers is a whole new type of power trip. | | Want to submit a writing or a prompt? Read the rules here

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

OSHA Compliance Required.

by Omnicrex

floralflowerpower posted an idea for OSHA Inspector Danny Fenton and like everything else I was possessed.

Danny inspecting the Watchtower and giving the Justice League anxiety. (as a treat)

A one-shot. Unless inspiration hits again

Words: 1672, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 6 of Prompt Fills

Fandoms: Justice League - All Media Types, Danny Phantom

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen

Characters: Danny Fenton, Superman, J'onn J'onzz, Flash (DCU), Green Lantern, Wonder Woman - Character, Batman

Additional Tags: Danny does OSHA inspections, For places that OSHA has like no real jurisdiction, OSHA now has a Ghost Branch, they cover Hero/Villian workplace safety, Danny may or may not be Ghost King, Who Knows?, whatever is funnier

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/46491844

[villainous-osha-official]

The Criminal Regulatory Institute of the Machinations of Evil, hereafter to be referred to as C.R.I.M.E, has found it prudent to use this "hellsite" as a means to review and inspect various villains, their lairs, and their methods. If violation of C.R.I.M.E guidelines is detected, offenders will be dealt with accordingly.

Also, the standards of the First Henchmens' Union, hereafter to be referred to as the Goonion, per their request, are to be upheld. Violaters will not be tolerated.

We request that if there are any inquiries, that they be submitted post-haste.