#want there to be healthy debates and exchanges of ideas

[a-god-in-ruins-rises]

is anyone else interested in joining my server? not quite ready to invite people yet but should be soon. just gauging interest right now. “like” or reply to this post and when i’m ready i’ll send you an invite.

server will probably be dual purpose. 

there will be (1) a semi-public side oriented toward general discussion (topics like politics, books, history, philosophy, religion, media, science, tech, etc) and community building (nothing is set in stone yet but i am imagining activities like book club, movie watching, playing games, contests and giveaways, etc). and there will be (2) a private side dedicated to more focused discussions and internal cult matters.

the server won’t be a “safe space” -- i’m fine with a bit of edge (within ToS. not trying to get terminated.) -- but i do want this server (at least the semi-public side) to be /relatively/ welcoming and civil. so if you’re egregiously toxic or vulgar or prone to shitflinging or sperging out you won’t be welcome here. neither will you be welcome if you’re overly sensitive.

otherwise, as long as you follow the rules, you will be fine. though i always reserve the right to executively veto your presence for any reason.

[oliveisme533]

I Can’t stop thinking about domesticated Joel with his daughters and tender shit like this. So here you go. Ellie is his foster daughter and calls him both Joel and dad. The girls are both 14. No outbreak

Tommy and Joel finished up at the work site late that Friday. Surprise surprise. He had called the girls to let them know he probably wouldn't be home for dinner.

"Hello?" Sarah picked up

"Hey baby is Ellie with ya"

"Yeah, you're on speaker" Ellie shouted from the other side of Sarah's bedroom

"I'm sorry girls I know I said we would go out tonight, but it looks like I'm not going to be home until after 8 or 9. Y'all take some of the cash that's in my bedside table drawer and walk down to the pizza place if you want."

Sarah and Ellie tried to hide their disappointment. They knew how hard Joel worked and everything he did to keep them happy, healthy, clothed and fed, but there had been several late nights the last few weeks and they missed their dad. "It okay Joel we know it's not your fault" Ellie said "yeah dad don't sweat it" Sarah added.

"You call if you need anything I'll have my phone on me."

Sarah and Ellie exchanged looks of disappointment and also a mutual sadness they felt for Joel. "That man works his ass off for clients who don't give a shit about him!" Ellie said jumping to her feet from where she had been sitting in Sarah's room. "Yeah... I know." Sarah just stared at the wall. "I have an idea!" Ellie suddenly exclaimed. Sarah was used to these outbursts from Ellie. It was actually one of her favorite things about having Ellie as a sister. "How much money does dad have in that drawer?" Sarah shrugged. "I'm not sure let's go see." Ellie ran down the hall. "But what's your idea?!" said Sarah following her into their dads room. Ellie picked up the two $20 bills from Joel's bedside table. "We make dinner for dad and surprise him when he comes home!" "But won't he be home super late.." Sarah said. "Yeah but you know he always is starving when he gets off. It doesn't matter what time it is. You've seen how that man pulls shit out of the fridge at 10 o'clock after an especially shitty and long day at the site." Sarah nodded. "True. And we never have anything good in the fridge so he's always eating gross take out leftovers." "Exactly! So we make some gourmet shit to surprise him" Sarah grinned. "I like this plan, but we don't know how to cook" after much debate they decided the best idea was to just go to the store and see what their budget would get them. In the end they came home with some little potato's, a bag of frozen pre-cooked chicken breast, and a bagged salad. "Does dad even eat salad?" Ellie asked as the loaded their bags into the crate Joel had installed on the backs of their bikes. "I don't know. I've never seen him eat it, but there's a first time for everything." 

Luckily the chicken came with instructions, and Mrs Atler was able to tell the girls how to smash the little potatoes and bake them in the oven and what seasoning to use. The two little chefs were awfully giggly and it took them over an hour to make everything, but they didn't mind. They knew if Joel were home he would tell them to turn down their music, and accuse them of being the silliest girls in the country. At 8 on the dot the girls observed their masterpiece. Sarah had found two tall candles that looked appropriate for a 5 star dinner and Ellie dug through the cabinet over the stove to find a bottle of red wine. "Why do we even have this. Him and Tommy exclusively drink beer like they're a couple of gray jocks" Sarah laughed and said "I have no idea and who knows how old it is." "Do you think wine goes bad?" Ellie asked. "I don't think so...but I don't know how you would tell if it had gone bad" Ellie gave Sarah a look that didn't need any words. "Should we?" Sarah whispered in a giggle. "I mean just a taste to see if it's still good." Ellie said. With great difficulty the two got the cork out of the bottle and brought it gingerly to their lips. "Euggghhhh!" Ellie gagged dramatically. "That's fucking disgusting" Sarah agreed wordlessly, sticking her tongue under the faucet trying to get rid of the taste. Just then they heard the unmistakable sound of Joel's truck pulling into the driveway. They looked at each other with wide, goofy grins. "Should we hide?" Sarah whispered. "And jump out and scare him" Ellie agreed. The girls ducked behind the sofa, trying to stifle their giggles. The key turned in the lock and the familiar sound of Joel's boots on the hardwood followed by "I'm home...Ellie, Sarah?"

"Surprise!" Ellie and Sarah shouted in unison as they jumped up from behind the sofa. "Jesus Christ!" Joel exclaimed clutching his chest. "Are you trying to give your old man a heart attack?" Suddenly his eyes fell to the kitchen table. "Did y'all cook dinner?" He asked somewhat in disbelief. The girls nodded sheepishly. Joel felt a surge of warmth rush into his chest. "You girls didn't have to do this-you know that." He said giving them each a kiss on the head. "We know!" Ellie said cheerfully. "We haven't eaten yet we were waiting for you." Sarah added. Joel looked at his daughter with those warm, brown eyes. "Thank you baby" the three of them sat down and ate. Joel complimented the girls on their cooking. "Damn little ladies, you might need to cook for your old man more often! This is fuckin amazing" Joel said, shoveling food into his mouth. "Hey watch your language at the table" Ellie teased. Joel playfully kicked her under the table. "This is my house, I can swear at my table if I want." Ellie rolled her eyes.

Joel took the dishes to the skink where he found the opened bottle of wine. "What's this?"he chuckled. "Oh we were going to serve you wine but we tasted it and it definitely went bad like 100 years ago." Joel laughed and got a wine glass from the cabinet. "I forgot we had this. It's actually really good." Ellie mimed throwing up which made Sarah laugh. Joel didn't have to turn around to know what was happening. "Ellie you have the pallet of a 6 year old. I'm still buying you lunchables for school- god knows why I do it for ya" "yeah well lunchables are fuckin amazing" Ellie retorted as the girls wandered into the living room. "Language" Joel called from the kitchen. He settled down on the sofa with his girls, red wine in hand. They were already watching "the price is right" which was somewhat of a routine in the Miller household. A way to wind down after a long day. He sat in between his girls with a loud "dad noise" as they called it. Sarah had always been more snuggly then Ellie. Although that was changing Joel had noticed. She had been going to therapy for the last year and he had seen a shift in her in a lot of different ways. She hugged Joel frequently and allowed him to kiss her goodnight. She didn't flinch anymore when he rested a hand on her shoulder to let her know he was behind her or something like that. Some nights when Joel would pass out on the sofa after work Ellie would tiptoe downstairs and come curl up next to him for a little while. She would always fall asleep within a few minutes and he'd carry her to bed and it would be a good excuse for him to actually go to sleep in his bed after putting Ellie in hers. The way his girls took care of him in so many ways, most of which they didn't even realize... it made him feel soft and gooey on the inside and if he thought on it too long his eyes would get misty. Before long he had two sleeping girls on each side of him. He didn't dare move to take them up to bed for fear of waking one. Joel carefully reached for the remote to turn off the TV and then closed his eyes and met himself drift off with the two things he loved most in the world on either side of him.

[justrambles]

(Beauty and the beast au steddie)

*cw: mention of dead animal (but it's not a lot and pretty similar to what we see in canon st)*

No.4 — Honeycomb

Turns out all the food are definitely inedible. Eddie is quite surprised, really. He's never seen anything so shriveled. There's not even mold on the remaining traces of food; they probably dehydrated or died of old age. Seeing the evidence of years passed by reminds Eddie that the kids should have grown up and got out of here, instead of being stuck here with dried up tomatoes. He wonders what really happened.

Said kids, right now, are debating on what the decay of food means for them. Dustin seems excited by the discovery, making up theories on the differences of food and them. Now, Eddie is just sad and hungry, as he tries to remember what's in the van. He wonders if the kids have an umbrella—he doesn't want to get soaked in the rain again for making the trip to the van.

"Guys, what's going on?" A voice asks from nearby.

Eddie has to consciously tilt his head down to see who's speaking. It's a hedgehog, and she's trotting into the kitchen.

The kids all launch into explanations.

"Nancy, did you know not everything's stuck in time? We just found out—"

"Nancy, we don't have any food! They're all gone!"

"And Eddie doesn't have anything to eat!"

At this moment, Eddie chimes in, "And Eddie probably will be find to find something from the van, no worries there."

Nancy the hedgehog turns to Eddie. "You sure? You know, you might have to stay here for a bit more, the storm's not going away." Eddie gives her a thumbs up. "Well, if there's nothing to eat in the van, I'm sure we'll be able to figure something out."

***

"Honeycomb."

"Yup."

"You carry Honeycomb with you in your van."

"Yes, indeed."

"Why?"

After a thorough search through his belongings, Eddie found his saviour, the cereal. While he was at it, he also brought in some of his stuff, too. So now, he's munching on his Honeycomb while the kids poke through his stuff. And Nancy is staring down at Eddie—he doesn't know how that's even physically possible— disapprovingly. She gives a small sigh.

"I'll talk to Steve. He might know where to find something more... healthy. Or at least sustainable."

Eddie remembers the late night exchange between Dustin and Steve, and how the mysterious Steve didn't seem to like the idea of Eddie staying at the mansion.

"Uh, do you- do you have to? I can eat my Honeycomb you know, I like them. That's why I carry them around. So there's no need to—"

Nancy gives Eddie a weird look.

"By the look of it, I don't think the cereal's going to last long enough, Eddie. If you're worried about bothering Steve, I'm sure it'll be fine. He's nice."

It does not help with Eddie's worries. You can be nice and also hate the guy who's lounging freely in your home. But Eddie manages an "Okay."

***

By evening, there's a knock on the door. Eddie gets up from the bed where he was scribbling down ideas (may or may not have been inspired by his recent experiences) and opens the door.

"Please don't be scared."

It's Nancy, and she's perched on—

Eddie's heart nearly jumps out of its cage. She's perched on a big, possibly predatory feline. Maybe panther? Like the movie the Pink Panther? Eddie is freaking out and Nancy's feline companion just stares at Eddie with an unimpressed look.

"I'm not scared," Eddie croaks out.

"What? I didn't even-," Nancy sounds confused, but she realizes that Eddie's eyes are fixed on her friend. "Oh. No, that's not what I meant. I was going to say that Steve got you something to eat, but it won't be what you are used to eating... So please don't be scared."

The feline (maybe this is Steve?) breaks their staring contest and focuses on Nancy, so Eddie does the same.

"If you keep saying that I might actually be scared."

***

The 'food' does make him actually scared.

It's a rabbit. A dead one. Eddie wants to panic, but Nancy's looking at him with nervous eyes so he just lets out a thanks.

They're in the kitchen now, and the panther is now gone, after carrying the scrap of tarp that had the rabbit inside to the kitchen. Eddie heaves out a sigh.

He's scared, he's hungry, he'll be able to cook ...this.

[claudesuggestions]

What are some signs that your social group may have an "echo-chamber" mindset? How can you prevent yourself from being influenced by this type of thinking?

Claude-3-Haiku’s Answer:

There are a few key signs that a social group may have developed an "echo-chamber" mentality:

1. Lack of diversity in perspectives and backgrounds:

The group is made up primarily of people who think, believe, and behave in very similar ways.

There is a noticeable absence of individuals with differing political, cultural, or ideological views.

2. Dismissive or hostile reactions to dissenting opinions:

When someone expresses a view that goes against the group's dominant narrative, they are quickly shut down, ridiculed, or ostracized.

Healthy, open debate and constructive disagreement are discouraged.

3. Reinforcement of a singular, unquestioned truth:

The group exhibits a strong, uncompromising adherence to a particular set of beliefs or ideas.

Questioning or challenging the accepted "truth" is seen as taboo or unacceptable.

4. Insulation from external information and perspectives:

The group mainly consumes media, content, and information that aligns with and validates its existing beliefs.

Exposure to alternate viewpoints or contradictory evidence is actively avoided or quickly dismissed.

To prevent yourself from being overly influenced by an echo-chamber mindset, here are some helpful strategies:

1. Seek out diverse perspectives:

Intentionally seek out and engage with people who have different backgrounds, experiences, and beliefs than your own.

Read, listen to, and consider viewpoints that challenge your existing assumptions.

2. Question your own biases and assumptions:

Regularly reflect on your thought processes and where they may be influenced by confirmation bias.

Be willing to critically examine your own beliefs and be open to changing your mind in light of new information.

3. Encourage open and respectful dialogue:

Foster an environment within your social group that values nuance, empathy, and the constructive exchange of ideas.

Model the type of behavior you want to see, by listening attentively and responding thoughtfully to differing opinions.

4. Expose yourself to a variety of information sources:

Diversify the media, news outlets, and online communities you engage with.

Seek out information that may not align with your existing beliefs or narratives.

5. Cultivate intellectual humility:

Acknowledge the limits of your own knowledge and be open to the possibility that you may be wrong.

Embrace uncertainty and recognize that many issues have complex, multifaceted answers.

Ultimately, the key is to proactively challenge your own echo-chamber tendencies and maintain a posture of openness, curiosity, and critical thinking. This can be an ongoing process, but it's essential for expanding your perspective and avoiding the pitfalls of groupthink.

[ear-worthy]

Open To Debate Podcast: Does Taylor Swift (Or Anyone) Deserve A Billion Dollars?

This week, the nonpartisan debate podcast Open to Debate released an episode debating the question: “Does Taylor Swift Deserve Her Billion Dollar Fortune?”

The Open To Debate podcast plays a critical role in our society today.

Open to Debate is a call to action: All of us should keep an open mind to solve the complex problems we face as individuals and as a nation.

Open to Debate is a reminder: To solve our greatest problems, we must operate in a contempt-free zone. We need to be able to sit in the same room and exchange ideas with people we disagree with. Being open to debate is a gesture of respect for the good faith arguments of those we disagree with, for the intelligence and integrity of those who watch or listen, and for the value of debate done right.

Open to Debate is a duty: The future of American Democracy depends on the strength of communities to work together and overcome our differences. “Us vs. Them” thinking is destructive to our social fabric, and we need a national model to guide debates to a healthy and free exchange of ideas.

The mission of Open to Debate is to restore critical thinking, facts, reason, and civility to America’s public square. Open to Debate is a platform for intellectually curious and open-minded people to engage with others holding opposing views on complex issues. Check out Open To Debate. Perhaps you'll have a prejudice exposed or a firmly held belief questioned.

Swift — declared officially a billionaire by Bloomberg and Forbes last fall, generated broader questions about whether billionaires are a policy failure and debate various philosophies about the distribution of wealth.

"All of this stuff that Taylor has done for the world is priceless —you can't put a price tag on how influential and important her work has been to so many people,"” argues Political Philosopher Jessica Flanigan, author of an upcoming book about the philosophy behind Taylor Swift's music. “ "A society that produces billionaires like Taylor Swift is good for everybody," says Flanigan. “No matter how amazing a person Taylor Swift is, she shouldn't’t be a billionaire because no one should be a billionaire,” counters Ingrid Robeyns, author of the book Limitarianism: The Case Against Extreme Wealth. "We focus here on an individual, but really the bigger question is: What kind of society do we want?" asks Robeyns.

Joining the conversation to ask questions and test the debaters' arguments are Anne Helen Petersen (Culture Study), Abha Bhattarai (Washington Post), Richard Wolff (UMass Amherst), Allison Schrager (Manhattan Institute), and Zack O'Malley Greenburg (Zogblog).

Read a recap of the taping in Fast Company.

Listen to the full episode at opentodebate.org (with video) or wherever you get podcasts.

And for those of you who have watched too much of a certain news network and actually believe that Taylor Swift is a CIA spy or Deep State operative, I recommend you detox on cat videos or music videos from the 80s.

[andswarwrites]

Day 21

I've shared a lot this month.  In fact, the case could be made that I overshared.  I'm not shy, and I disagree with stigma attached to mental disorders, because mental health corresponds to physical health: your brain is part of your body, and in order to remain healthy it needs to be cared for.  If someone develops a physical ailment, they often receive support and sympathy from others.  Why would mental ailments need to be concealed at all costs from everyone around you for fear of judgment and prejudice?  And yet that is how things really are.  The only reason I feel comfortable sharing is because my circles of friends and family enjoy truth.

Candor is often frowned upon because it can be blunt and unfeeling.  So with honesty should come tact.  Tact involves choosing the right word and phrase to express yourself so that your viewpoint comes across without bludgeoning another person with it.  And it is also being noncommittal or falling silent when you see that discussion will be fruitless.  Discussing a concept or viewpoint doesn't need to end with your having convinced someone: simply sharing how you feel and think, and listening intently and respectfully to another person who sees things differently from you is my definition of a good conversation.

I used to love debate.  I loved arguing my point.  And I do have very strong opinions on a multitude of topics.  It's just that now, in conversation, if I differ with someone, I don't want to win an argument anymore.  I don't want to prove my point.  I'm looking for an exchange.  You share your point of view with me, I share my point of view, and together we get an idea of how the other person sees the world.  Part of how I got to this point is my writing.  When I write a story, every time I write a character, I like to approach the story from their perspective.

To make characters come to life, they each need to have their own distinct personality and outlook.  They can't all be copies of the author.  Though I do confess that all my main characters have a few characteristics or experiences I can relate to: that way they ring true.  You know what I love in a story?  When the main character is not infallible, when they mess up too, and they need to set it right.  When I was little, I was horrified when my beloved main characters had feet of clay.  Nowadays I'm delighted.

It just goes to show how much we change as life goes on.  For one thing we never stop learning.  Some lessons may be difficult or demanding, others are downright simple and straightforward.  The question is can we adapt with the lessons life throws at us?  Some of them are very painful indeed.  And it doesn't seem fair that some of us experience far more pain than others.  I think it's important to keep that in mind when someone is rude or aggressive with us.  What are they going through that we don't know about?

I'm always honest, but I do omit some information at times.  I don't feel the need to constantly air my grievances or confess every thought and action.  Considering how much I've shared, it might seem like I hold nothing back, but that's not true.  I do.  The one (human) person I confide in nearly 99.9% of the time is S-.  Sometimes it takes me a few days to tell him what's on my mind, but even if I'm worried about his response, I do end up telling him.  And he never overreacts.  I've never regretted confiding in S-.

I had a completely sleepless night last night.  I keep having to re-read what I've previously written to continue my train of thought.  I've just got to make it through the morning and then I will enter my bedroom, flop into bed, and hopefully get some sleep.  Not too much, because I need to sleep tonight too.  I dealt with a bad bout of insomnia in my twenties: I'd spend a completely sleepless night trying to be as quiet as I could so I wouldn't wake S-, and then get as many tasks done in the morning and early afternoon, sleep from mid-afternoon to early evening, spend some time with my husband, and rinse, repeat.

In my thirties I would occasionally wake up in the middle of the night or the wee hours of the morning, and since it was dark and quiet, it seemed like the ideal time to write.  But getting the juices flowing so to speak when you should be sleeping is not a good idea, because you write for hours and before you know it's morning and you never got back to bed.  It's better to read.  Reading works your brain in a different way from writing, and you naturally get sleepy.

I've also cleaned in the middle of the night.  Tiptoed around so as not to wake anyone, but tidied up, washed the dishes, cleaned the counter and stovetop.  And I've prayed.  When I simply had too much on my mind, I poured it all out, sometimes with long pauses while my thoughts overwhelmed me, then formulating those thoughts into words, sometimes so difficult to express that tears have sprung to my eyes.  I've also read Psalms. 

So what else can my overtired brain come up with today?  It's hard to write when you are tired or sick.  I've written scenes of a novel with a cold or the flu.  That's when a character steals the show with a cold or the flu.  I can’t write anything else but misery in those situations.  After a sleepless night my tongue's filter is nonexistent.  I just write whatever pops into my head, consequences be damned.  I seriously need to go sleep, but I still have another hour of teaching and chores to get through.  Oh, the life of a mother

[pmcguffin]

The women in the kitchen…

The Wednesday night Bible study was moved to Thursday nights, and we boarded the “home-groups” train that was trending in those days.  Everyone was grouped according to which Elder’s house was proximal to us.  Logistics, naturally -the Elders were engineers.

I was impatient for that first meeting.  This Catholic girl gets a little unnerved by those Sunday services where the preacher reads a Bible verse, then fiercely expounds on it, sometimes with an intensity that yanks him out of his jacket in his frenzy over all that hellfire and damnation. Nope, all that fired-up hollering from the pulpit never edified my spirit.  I longed for a calm, contemplative study where exchanging ideas and perspectives would enrich our spirits and foster closer friendships among this earnest little band of Bible scholars.

Thursday came.  I stepped into a spacious living room, settled on a large floor pillow, and rested against an ottoman.  The atmosphere was casual and subdued; it felt pretty good.  After the initial prayer, we opened our Bibles to the chapter of focus in the study, and before I knew it, I was happily engaged in a lively discussion.  One deacon leaned my way as he spoke, inviting me into a dialogue. He was erudite and eloquent, with a keen intellect and a wonderful sense of humor -I genuinely liked him.  Never condescending, he offered his perspectives while validating mine as we looked to the practical applications of the scriptures at hand, and I appreciated his wisdom.  It was good, to feel connected and valid. The moment was short-lived.

Once the meeting was over, the women retreated to make coffee. The men remained. I stayed until I noticed a raised brow with a directional glance toward the kitchen. Oh. I got it. I stood and slipped through the door to find the Women in the Kitchen caught up in animated chatter about diaper rash ointment and -I kid you not- whether it is worth the effort to wash and reuse plastic sandwich baggies. It was made clear that my input was irrelevant when I was told that until I have a baby, I "can’t possibly understand..." anything apparently.  I understood this:  the Women in the Kitchen were not my tribe.

Easing back into the living room, I sidled onto the sofa armrest.  The men were discussing the current socio-political climate, the Church’s place in the world at large, practical ways we could best minister to our community, and whether to address our need for more space by expanding or moving... the big picture. 

Creative ideas, some lofty goals, and a good measure of healthy debate were happening in that living room full of men, with me precariously perched on an armrest -the only woman not in the kitchen.  They didn’t miss a beat.  No one noticed.  None of the men moved to make room for me on that sofa.  Not one.  Yet, there I sat like a glaring neon sign blinking in the face of their purposeful disregard.  Refusing to take the hint, I remained, invisible, silently swallowing swells of rage as those men planned our future and decided our places within it without any input from us -the Women in the Kitchen, and me.

On the drive home, I was confronted with my behavior.  Why couldn’t I sit quietly like the other wives, refrain from joining the discussion, and stay with the Women in the Kitchen where, I suppose, I belonged?  I wanted to scream, “Why aren’t the Women in the Kitchen invited to stay and encouraged to participate in the discussion?”  Instead, I tightened my jaw and muttered, “They weren’t talking about anything interesting, and since I’m not a mother, no one cares what I have to say.”  He asked me to try.  I bit my lip.

He doesn’t get it:  no one wants me, but the exclusion by the men is more than oppressive; it is insulting.  The Women in the Kitchen are their wives, the mothers of their children, and the ones who keep life going forward against all that would interfere.  They are the anchors in their homes, the very hearts of their families. It will be the Women in the Kitchen, without voices, bearing the burden of the men’s decisions.  Although the Women in the Kitchen are not seated at the table for discussion, they will be expected to strategize the sacrifices from their household budgets to provide the contributions that will finance the men’s plans (imagine washing and reusing disposable sandwich baggies --do the men even know their wives do that?)  The Women in the Kitchen will be “holding down the fort” while the men devote their evenings away from their families to manage all the projects and ongoing church business.  After preparing breakfast to ignite the morning and ushering everyone to the day’s destinations, they’ll be parenting solo until late into the evenings when the children are asleep.  Finally, once the men have returned home, the Women in the Kitchen (veiling their own weariness) shall cheerfully serve their husbands a carefully reheated dinner. 

Imagine.  Though they are the ones who create the very propulsion that provides the momentum to move the work forward, The Women in the Kitchen have no voices.

None, because the Women in the Kitchen are not invited to that table... except to serve it.      

[the-cosmic-gentle-giant]

Mars through the houses: Where you draw energy from Pt.1

Hello my peoples, so I have been doing a ton of research on this and I still feel like I don't know everything so forgive me if there are inaccuracies, I'm trying my best and would love to hear your thoughts on this. 😊

So as we all know Mars is the planet of action and as such rules over your physical energy. With this info we can see where we draw energy from and how to maintain it to avoid burnout if that makes sense.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Mars in 1st House: In the house of self-identity Mars is definitely the most familiar with it's surroundings. Energy is drawn from the self, therefore putting yourself first, taking time to do what you want to how you want to, winning in competitive areas because you are the best. Self-improvement and being your badass self is a sure way to boost those energy levels. Also fire, like you guys probs feel most alive around a bonfire, fireplace or even tons of candles.🔥

Mars in 2nd House: It's no secret that you guys are driven and even aggressive in the money making department and attaining luxury. Boosting your energy is as simple as going out for some good old fashioned retail therapy. Establishing multiple income channels, wise money management and spending/treating yourself are definite ways to secure those good vibes. But not everyone can always go spending at evey corner, thus surrounding yourself with beautiful things are also ways to get your energies going. Art gallery visits and window shopping could be something you might enjoy.💝

Mars in 3rd House: This house and mental stimulation *snaps fingers* is it for you. You vibe and even thrive in settings where the exchange of ideas, expressing your thoughts, trying new things and learning new skills and topics are a key feature. You are v v likely to enjoy a good debate (keyword being debate, not argument). Additionally short travels and switching up your immediate environment could rejuvenate your burnt-out soul. So please go ahead and plan that weekend getaway, it's good for you!!! 🌃

Mars in 4th House: First of all. WOW. Super intense/strong emotions...this is like the main source of energy for these people, but once the emotions/passions die down you don't feel like going through with what was started. Energy is likely regained through a sense of independence from your family or from being your own household authority. If you feel burnt out maybe talking with your mother or a motherly figure could give you what you need to push on. Energy can also be gained by doing home based activities and projects that range from cooking, gardening or even renovation and diy. 👨‍👨‍👧‍👦🏘

Mars in 5th House: My peoples with this placement know that the vibes are high when you feel good about yourself and being the center of attention. I mean, who doesn't like having their ego stroked every now and again. Energy is additionally sourced from letting out your inner-child, following your creative pursuits and being on your A-game when going out for a few flirts and a freshened body count (i'm talking lovers not corpses). Overall, being the life of the party is where you get your energetic high. 💞💞💞

Mars in 6th House: With this placement you'll be the most at ease with a stable routine and living a healthy lifestyle. Having a good work-life balance and taking time to reflect for healing can help raise your energy. Being of service to others and being appreciated for the work you do also add to this...so listen here hardworking peoples, I appreciate you. Also, if you have a pet then pls cuddle them because not only do they deserve it, but this is another way for you to just build up a bit more of your physical energy so you can continue being your wonderful hardworking self.🤗

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

There will be a part 2 eventually, but for now I hope you enjoyed and pls let me know what you think and if i did good. Love you my peoples.

[licncourt]

One thing that's interesting to me about the VC fandom is how people approach the canon take on vampiric sexuality (i.e. that it doesn't really exist). A lot of people retcon the canon approach or find some other way of incorporating actual sex. Do you think an explicit depiction of sexuality adds to the canon or detracts from it? Should we let them bone down or not??

I have quite a bit to say about this because I've thought about it a lot when it comes to my own writing, so thank you for asking!

A brief preface: I debated for a long time whether or not I wanted to include explicit sex scenes in my VC fic. I was very hesitant because, like I've mentioned, I'm a lesbian, so all of this is theoretical for me. I can't really gauge whether what I'm writing would be appealing to someone attracted to men, so I was extremely worried that it would be awkwardly written or deeply unsexy.

But I ended up including it and I did hella research in an effort to do it well (and hopefully I succeeded), so to answer your question, yes. The vampires should bone, and here are the reasons I personally choose to have them do so despite the laborious process and defiance of canon:

Firstly, it's a bit of a middle finger to AR's "genderless" vampires. Her books fall very much into the tropes of desexualizing m/m relationships to make them more palatable to a straight audience, and yet the one real exception to this is the the CP in TVA that also serves to reinforce the stereotype of gay men as predatory. Gay relationships are as complex and three dimensional as their straight counterparts, and I want that reflected in my writing.

Just as important though (at least to me) is the opportunity for character building. There are so many ways to frame sex, so many different tones it can take. What a fantastic avenue for exploring character interactions! It's an extremely intimate and emotionally charged scenario that allows the writer to pause the narrative and explore the nature of the relationship they're writing about. A sex scene is a summative snapshot that's been stretched out over potentially thousands of words for close reading.

I approach writing a sex scene the same way I would an important conversation between the characters. It's really its own form of exchange and focused connection, and there's something very interesting about exploring emotions through physicality rather than words. How can I express what each character is thinking and feeling without much or any dialogue, only the way they interact physically? Touch and body language are such powerful tools, especially in writing where you're almost entirely dependent on what's said or thought to understand characters. Switching that focus to physicality can be very impactful with that juxtaposition.

For Loustat in particular, I think this works very well. Sex scenes are a great way to track how a relationship changes over time and that enemies to lovers arc is so integral to their story. For Lestat, sex showcases his intimacy struggles in a very concise and clear manner. In turn, how Louis approaches sex directly reflects his self acceptance journey.

I also find it to be quite cathartic for both characters when it comes to their personal trauma. Lestat has experienced two attacks that are essentially rapes, extreme violations of his body. Catholic religious trauma has deeply damaged Louis' perception of his own desire/pleasure. Depicting these characters in a healthy sexual relationship goes a long way towards healing these wounds. Lestat reclaims his sexual agency and repairs his relationship with his body. Louis is allowed to finish healing his self image and begin loving the parts of himself he was taught to hate.

(I find this especially important for Louis because while Lestat seems to have fully embraced his attraction to men as a human, Louis very much did not. The idea of his sexuality being essentially erased or "fixed" by vampirism and left forever as unfinished emotional business doesn't sit right with me. I want him to have a chance to deal with those feelings and accept that part of himself.)

I hope that answered your question! I know it was a pretty subjective answer, but that's my thoughts.

[wallylinda]

What’s this about a evidence for Wally having a Ed? Miss what secret lore are you sitting on?

It’s easy to miss and mentioned scarcely, but yes, there is some slight--and debatably circumstantial--evidence supporting this. 

For some background information, speedsters rely on the Speedforce to contribute the energy they need to run. Before Wally managed to reign in control of his powers, his body had to resort to consuming an inordinate amount of food to balance out the energy his faulty connection to the Speedforce wasn’t providing. Wally’s dialogue frequently refers to this problem in the earlier issues of his run, but it eventually stems off as Wally grows into his powers and his aura starts to work as supposed to. 

The Flash (1987) #1

The very first mention of this is actually in the first issue itself. The so-called ‘beast’ in this inner monologue is referring to Wally’s hunger, where he goes on to say, “it’s always time to feed the beast.” Three things we can infer from this: number one, Wally has a negative view on his body’s round-the-clock demand for food. Number two, there is never a time in his early adulthood where he is not hungry. Number three, ‘healthy’ foods often fall to the wayside of his diet because they do not supply the energy junk food--such as baby ruths--would. 

The Flash (1987) #1

In the very same issue, we get this exchange. Wally’s friends comment on how much he eats--and therefore how much of the food he needs would be harmful in excess for any other person--and Wally replies by saying, “...I can’t go boppin’ off whenever I feel like it, like you guys. Always checking on my last meal and my next, that’s me.” In another dialogue bubble, Wally remarks that, “for once there’s enough food.”

This introduces two other ideas: one, Wally’s food intake, while seen as a benefit to having superspeed in the eyes of outsiders, is a source of shame for himself because it limits what he can and can’t do, and therefore his valued independence. Two, Wally spends a vast amount of time worrying about his intake and what he eats, and presumably, the amount of money he spends on making sure that he gets the food he needs in the first place. It also reinforces the aforementioned points that Wally is permanently hungry and that quote-unquote ‘unhealthy’ foods are his main source of energy. 

The Flash (1987) #10

The last panel I want to talk about is this. For some clarification, the man Wally is talking to is Chunk, a man with a rather severe complex for “smooth, popular people” because of how ostracized he is from society. While working on a matter transmitter, it exploded and Chunk “swallowed” it, in effect making it so that Chunk has to constantly consume dense materials--mostly precious metals--to keep it from imploding his body. This also makes it possible for him to transport both living and nonliving matter into his own personal pocket dimension.

What specifically matters about the above panel is Wally, after having eaten a full-course meal in mere seconds, says, “I have to eat like that constantly just to stay even.” Again, his body’s demand for energy is specifically portrayed in a negative light, and furthermore is shown to damage his physical state if he’s not careful, since the word use of “even” is more or less stating that if Wally doesn’t eat as he needs to, he’s going to be as thin as a beanstalk with his insides shutting down in due effect.

Now, I’m not a psychologist. I don’t know what specific ED Wally has, or even if these symptoms/thoughts can even be classified as an ED. But what is clear as a reader is that Wally doesn’t have a good relationship with food, and is actively harmed in conjunction to it. 

[qqueenofhades]

Oooh, 53 and/or 55 for either Emma/Killian/Sam Bellamy or Alina/Aleksandr/Nikolai, if you're so inclined? Dealer's choice 😘

53. "There are worse ways to die."

55. "Oh, I love how dramatic this is."

The tall doors at the end of the bedchamber stand open into the sultry summer evening -- it's the White Nights, so it won't get properly dark, but the twilight is pleasantly atmospheric -- and Nikolai and Aleksander are standing on the balcony and arguing. Since they're usually doing that no matter where they're located, Alina pays them no mind, seated at her desk and flipping through the latest round of court petitions. For one thing, it's their chief love language, and two, it's good for the tsar of Ravka and his chief commander to have a healthy debate on how to deal with the latest flare-up of tension with the Shu Han. As usual, Aleksander favors prompt and categorical smiting, while Nikolai is angling for a more civilized approach to negotiations. They'll probably end up in the middle. Eventually. Sometime. Maybe.

Biting a smile, Alina turns back to her work, sorting the petitions in order of highest priority for discussion with Genya tomorrow. It's getting more familiar all the time, this unorthodox arrangement, and she's glad for that. When she agreed, she had no idea if it would work at all, or the strength of personality (and of stubbornness) on not just two sides but three would sink it straightaway. But they're managing. More than that, actually. And there are definite benefits.

Alina coughs, finishes her work, and sets the stack aside. "Are you two done?" she calls, raising her voice. "Or are you determined for all of Os Alta to watch you bicker like a pair of clowns at the circus?"

"It's his fault." Nikolai thrusts a finger accusingly at Aleksander, who looks unmoved. "How are we supposed to convince the world that this is actually a kinder and gentler Darkling, if he just wants to go back to his usual trick of blowing up everybody who -- "

"As opposed to the dress-up pirate here, who thinks that if we just walk in and ask nicely, the Empress will agree to -- "

"Both of you." Alina snaps her fingers, and the Tsar of All the Ravkas and the feared Black General look like guilty schoolboys. "I said, stop it. Besides, there are better things for us to be doing."

Nikolai and Aleksander exchange one final mulish look, cross their arms, and huff. Then, as Alina continues to regard them expectantly, they sigh and step off the balcony, entering the royal bedchamber with expressions that promise this debate is anything but settled. "I can't believe this is how I'm going to die," Nikolai sighs theatrically. "Smothered in my sleep by a warmongering old man with a -- "

"There are worse ways to die, Your Majesty." Aleksander raises a scathing dark eyebrow. "I'm happy to introduce you to plenty of them."

"Oh, shut up." Alina grabs both of her husbands by the collar and drags them closer; they come forthwith, looking very startled. This is how it's been ever since the war ended: Nikolai wears the crown, Aleksander commands the army, and Alina -- well, she does almost everything else. It's still strange, and she isn't always sure that she made the right choice, but at least she can help far more people, in far more ways, than she ever could have as a powerless nobody living on a farm in obscurity. And this, the way it is with the three of them -- she likes it. She likes it a great deal. Even if she's still not entirely sure if Nikolai and Aleksander won't stab each other one night and be done with it, at least they would never risk upsetting her. Besides, she's seen them at other times, together and not arguing. She knows that their fights tend to end in angry making out in conveniently nearby closets. Both of them will still stiffly deny it if they are ever asked. (Does Ivan know? Judging from the way he glares bloody murder at them whenever their backs are turned, probably.)

"I do love how dramatic this is," Nikolai murmurs, as he settles heavily onto the bed on one side of Alina, and Aleksander takes the other, both men competing to kiss her first. Alina turns her head between them, pulling them close with either arm. They are idiots, it is most undeniable. But they are her idiots, and that makes all the difference.

[fic prompts]

[nerdynuala]

platonic eruhan headcanons please???

Ok I have a few headcanons I wrote about them a while ago that I haven't posted yet but since you asked I'll share them here, along with others I especially made for this ask!

I seriously believe Erwin has arachnophobia. He gets Levi or Hange to get rid of spiders for him. Hange is fascinated by spiders, she knows the species and she picks up the ones she knows are harmless. She once tried to help Erwin overcome his fear, so she held a little spider close to his hand. "See, this one's harmless I know for sure, and look how cute it is, it's so small it can't possibly harm you". Erwin was actually doing well, he was almost smiling at the spider, until it moved onto his hand. Erwin literally jumped and tripped over his chair, crashing to the floor. Hange promised not to tell anyone and she always kept the secret.

Hange enjoys running up to Mike and Levi, yelling "flex your abs!" and punching them in the stomach. She once did this to Erwin while he was holding a stack of papers and he didn't have the time to react. She ended up punching him hard in the gut. Moblit's face was drained of its colour as he witnessed Erwin clutching his stomach and bending down while all his papers got scattered on the floor.

Related to the abs incident, Hange sat with him and helped him reorganize his paperwork to have him forgive her. She made him tea and shared biscuits with him.

I already said this, but angry Hange unsettles Erwin a lot. He doesn't like her being unpredictable.

Erwin asks for Hange's opinion a lot. Whenever they are in a meeting and he explains his ideas, he usually ends with "what do you reckon, Hange?". He enjoys her approval, and he loves when she disagrees because they can get into a healthy debate and he'll always end up feeling more open-minded than before.

Hange plays with Erwin's hair. She likes him to have messier hair so she arranges his hairstyle while he's too absorbed in paperwork to complain.

She sometimes gives him a neck and shoulder massage.

Erwin is subtly protective of Hange. Whenever he senses she's down, he's around. "Do you need titans for research?" he asks, and judges how sad she is based on her answer. If her eyes don't light up with excitement then he knowns it's bad and he asks if she wants to talk about it.

They play chess in Erwin's office in their free time. Erwin usually wins, but their matches are awesome.

She once got a lot of money from him by placing a bet while he was drunk. He didn't really remember what the bet was about but he knew Mike and Levi had witnessed it so he just gave her the money and avoided getting drunk around her again.

They talked about Marie. He didn't exactly open up a lot about it, but Hange knows more than anyone else.

Hange gave him a cactus and told him its name is Stingy, but Erwin renamed it Acantha. He takes care of it as if it was a pet. The man is seriously obsessed, he has a schedule for watering it and keeps track of its growth. He showed Hange the flowers it sprouted.

They exchange books. A lot. They end up forgetting which books are Erwin's and which ones are Hange's.

These guys can debate for hours. One will say some random stuff like "I think morals are overrated and are too subjective". And three hours later they'd be sitting in the same position, full into debate mode. They love it. Everyone else leaves after half an hour of it.

They are so brutally honest with each other and never get personally upset about something the other said. Like, in a meeting Hange would go "Erwin, your plan is completely disregarding safety measures for the recruits. It'll be disaster and it won't work. I'm surprised you came up with this, sounds like a terrible idea". And he'd just go deep into thinking and reply "Please, do tell me more". So they enter debate mode again. They love constructive criticism and they know how to do it right with each other.

It rarely happens, but when emotions get in the way and things get tensed, Erwin knows that when Hange slams her hands on the table it's getting bad. It's the moment he decides to retreat. He shuts off emotions and he just goes "we'll talk about it when we are both calm enough for this conversation to happen". Hange usually tries to chase him but she gives up. It takes them a few days to settle it.

I hope these are okay Anon, thanks for the ask!

[hellyescharlesedwards]

Reggie's story time: Best of Enemies

You know my story posts by now, but if you don't, they're extremely long and rambly. This one will likely be the longest ever as I have to tell you everything that happened these past few days. Get comfy, this is gonna be quite a ride:

So, I recently snuck down to see Charlie in Best of Enemies at the Young Vic.

The first time was actually back in December but when I travelled down it got cancelled. Fortunate I snagged a lucky dip ticket for a future showing, so all I had to do was wait a little longer.

(Theatre was having a rough time of it during December with the O*****n wave, so the Young Vic was certainly not the only casualty.)

11th January

I had a scare the day before as the YV cancelled the performance before mine due to suspected C***D (I believe it was a crew member who tested positive?) so I spent most of Tuesday on tenderhooks waiting for any news of more cancellations. They didn't come, and I was so relieved. I arrived at the theatre and plopped myself on the second row.

Left a "sensible" review on Instagram so gonna use tumblr to become Unhinged about one scene:

Vidal and his toyboy (Sam Otto) have the pleasure of being the characters chosen to take their kits off. At one point in Act 1, they face the audience whilst watching a news report on the assassination of Robert Kennedy. Both are in dressing gowns and the audience sat in the most expensive seats get the best, full on view of both Charlie's and Sam's bodies being teased under their gowns.

After this, they both get into bed to begin the next scene. Vidal lies half in bed, while the twink, named Matthew, stares longingly at Vidal while he watches on with a concerned expression. After a short while, Vidal pats Matt's leg and gets up. He proceeds to remove his dressing gown to change into his regular get up, and so does Matt.

Vidal is trim and triangular, with a hint of tummy, and there's a potential 6 pack trying to come through. Large upper arms. Dimpley back. He isn't ripped but looks very good and healthy for his age.

Matt is fully ripped, with small, muscular arms and fully formed 6 pack.

Throughout the play they share a few kisses, ranging between light pecks to long smooches on the lips. There's the odd flirty line exchanged but Matt is mainly there to help Vidal with his research and debate preparation.

Now we move on to what happened after the show. And the tale ready kicks off.

Outside the theatre, I had James Graham, writer of the play, pull up right in front of me in a taxi and enter the bar. I knew it was him and I should've said something but I didn't and I don't know why.

This was then followed by a young, homeless magician named Felix approaching me and performing some neat card tricks and slight of hands. I gave him money and he shook my hand and hugged me. (Hope he's doing OK.)

THIS was then followed, at about 10:45 at night, by a tall man coming out the doors in a sage green rain mac. I didn't clock on to who it was initially as he had a blue mask covering half his face, but fortunately I gauged the tol frame, the dishevelled blond hair, the trademark shoulder bag and converses, so it all pieced itself together.

"Hey...Charlie?"

He looked confused too but as we got closer, his eyes seem to light up. I think he said hello back, but what I remember first was getting a hug from him. This shocked me mostly because of, yknow, C***D-19. I wouldn't think he would risk a hug given the situation, but I'm not complaining 🥺

"Nice coat!" he said, looking at my mustard coloured hooded parka. I laughed.

He pulled his mask down and we talked for quite a bit; at one point I had to explain to him what a lucky dip ticket was as he had no idea they existed. I also gushed over David and he's like "yeah ikr he's absolutely amazing".

Then the following happened (not verbatim but close enough):

CE: "So where are you staying?"

Me: "The Wellington, opposite Waterloo Station."

"Ah OK. Do you want me to walk you there as I'm heading that way anyway? But if you wanna hang round here longer that's fine..."

NO I'LL COME.

So he sorta becomes my bodyguard and we walk down The Cut and he's like "So what's happening your life?" And I'm like "Whut? You actually want to know!?" And he's like "YEAH SURE :)" so the first thing that popped into my head was... my car accident... so I talked about that. Got a lot of 😯 faces from him as I recalled it. Then we discussed his recent radio interviews and stuff and things and soon enough he spotted the hotel and went "Ahhh there it is!"

He then said, "It's so good to see you, Naomi, thank u so much for coming" while his long arms enveloped me into a goodbye cuddle 😭 I gave him a little present in the form of a box of treats, a mini care package if you will. I had another for David who I missed and Charlie offered to give it to him the next day. He couldn't guarantee David would show up after the show so at least if we did it that way, it would definitely get to him.

We then parted ways.

12 January

Same show, different position. This time I got better views of Charlie and his tiddies and benefitted from seeing the show a second time. James Graham showed up again after the show and via a mutual, who is besties with him, we all sat down and had a prosecco together and a good chat (he referred to Charlie as a "beautiful man" or was it gorgeous? can't remember). He was very sweet, he comes across as such when I've seen him in interviews, and I'm glad to report he's just the same irl. Managed to get his autograph in my programme. He also hinted at a likely transfer for Best of Enemies to the West End next Spring, with Charlie and David remaining in the lead roles.

David also showed up as he went out fetching some grub to eat in his dressing room between shows. He kept a fair distance from us as he didn't want to risk catching anything. Gave James a goodbye elbow bump, and I was off back home!

And then I feel asleep on the train lmao but the entire trip absolutely wrecked me. But hell it was worth it.

[sophiamcdougall]

So, there’s something I think is missing from the Booker Discourse and the focus on anger vs forgiveness, and whether Booker’s “punishment” is too harsh and who’s responsible if so, and its absence is beginning to slightly disturb me and it’s this: They don’t punish Booker. At all. 

No, really.

It’s one of the things I really like about the film -- how compassionately it treats Booker, both on a narrative and on an inter-character level. In most genre films wrongs against the good guys are usually settled with riproaring vengeance, even if in some the hero conveniently gets not to be the one to enact it directly.  But in the moment Booker’s betrayal becomes clear, character beats we have taken for mere melancholy click into place as heartwrenching grief and suicidal depression. We’re encouraged to grieve for him. We see Andy and Nile’s empathy for him. We see Nicky urging Joe to stop shouting at him even before they yet have any hope of escape. We don’t see a  moment of explicit compassion/restraint from Joe, but he does instantly put aside his anger to accept Andy’s decision that Booker’s coming with them, and does nothing to sabotage that choice. (In fact, it’s unthinkable that he would, but in plenty of action films it wouldn’t be.) And I agree with some of the arguments I’ve recently seen – the intensity of Joe’s fury isn’t necessarily a measure of how long it would last.

And then, as I say, they don’t punish him.

They don’t beat him up. They don’t work off steam killing and re-killing him. They don’t leave him for Kosak, or for the police. Of course they’d never do a full Quynh on him but putting him a box for ... a year? Six months? A week? It would be an option. They don’t do that, either.   

They simply stop hanging out with him. And they have the extraordinary grace to promise this won’t be permanent. And Andy, whom he shot in the back, sees him off with a goodbye hug.

I’m seeing a lot of debate about whether Joe (hotheaded, passionate) vs Nicky (still waters run deep) is The Angry One and which one of them might, by contrast, have been totally fine letting Booker back into the group immediately. I think you can plausibly headcanon the first part of that various ways. Personally I think Nicky would take a more severe line than Joe, although, as I’m about to argue, I don’t think that necessarily has to mean he’s “angrier”.)

What I don’t think you can plausibly headcanon is that either would actually be “fine” taking Booker back immediately, or any time soon.

Now I want to preface this with pointing out that anger is a completely natural and appropriate response to being hurt and whoever is The Angry One out of Nicky and Joe, has every right to that feeling. And to be fair I don’t think that’s really being disputed. But there does seem to be the idea that The Situation  – Anger = Everything’s Fine Now! And I do think it’s slightly ... victim-blamey, like the barrier to HEA isn’t what Booker did, it’s how long the people he hurt retain one specific emotion about it.  Whoever’s angriest is being staggeringly generous to Booker, and the result is 100% compatible with their not being “angry” at all. It’s compatible with “forgiveness” having already taken place. Just for a minute imagine writing to ... Captain Awkward, or Dear Prudence or Reddit Relationships. And explaining that your friend placed you in the power of people who wanted to hurt you, deliberately exposed you to very serious danger and your worst personal fear, and caused you to watch your partner trapped and in pain for somewhere in the ballpark of 48 hours ...  BUT, he is going through some very bad shit, guys, and you really do feel for him. Imagine what the response would be.  (”My friend wanted to commit suicide-by-cop, so he planted weed/guns in the car with me and my husband in it and called the police, although he knows we both have a particular phobia of cops after what happened to another friend who was arrested a while back. Oh and he attacked our other friend, because he wanted to be totally sure the cops would come for him, but he only meant to knock her out not to nearly kill her and he’s depressed and very sorry. I still want to put our friendship on a break. AITA?”)  They would yell at you to oh my god get away from him WTF how is this even a question please get some therapy learn to love yourself. 

And if you repeated that he’s really sad! And it went down worse than he thought it would! And you don’t want to hurt him! they would yell that it’s not about hurting him it’s about protecting you.   Just ... think about it. Imagine you’re either Joe or Nicky. Assume your anger has already completely evaporated, whether you think that’s in-character or not, and imagine you feel truly sorry for Booker. Take the most generous stance on what he did that you can. Fine. But every time you turn your back on him, or see him go off on a mission alone with one of the others ... how do you feel? Even if you don’t think he’d actually do this again, do you feel safe? 

 And imagine trying to recover from the trauma of what just happened to you. Imagine how much it would help to take refuge in all the soft, “family” touches which were also such a refreshing distinguishing feature of this film. Gift exchanges and bets and TV and hugs. Imagine trying to do that with the person who put you through it right. there.

 Nicky and/or Joe could honestly wish Booker no suffering at all, nothing but recovery and healing and peace, and Booker would still be a walking PTSD trigger and working/socialising with him would be downright self-destructive. 

Now, of course this is unpleasant for Booker because he’s already lonely and self-hating and it’s difficult -- though not necessarily impossible! -- for any of them to form a support system outside the group. But that really isn’t the team’s responsibility and, what is really the alternative? 

Maybe it’s being framed so much as “punishment” because Andy says “there has to be a price.” And there does; the consequences of Booker’s choice will unfold in some way whatever they do. The team do not have the option of simply resetting to normal, even if they wanted to. The only question is only who carries the weight of those consequences and how. Should Nicky and Joe have to pretend to feel comfortable around Booker, should they force themselves to go through the motions of friendship – hug him, smile at him, pass him a coffee – while their shoulders go up around their ears whenever he’s in the room, regardless of what that means for their own healing?

The injustice of that should be obvious but even if they did it, even if they made that colossal sacrifice for the person who just hurt them, would it really help Booker? Imagine being him and settling down to watch the football beside Joe and knowing what he likely remembers whenever he looks at you. Honestly, I don’t see that being a healthy path to recovery for him either.

Or OK. Maybe they don’t put on an act. They  keep spending time with him, but they don’t try to hide the nightmares and the flashbacks or the way their smiles drop whenever he comes into the room. Maybe they flinch whenever he gets too close and sometimes they yell at him but they all have to put that on hold every time there’s a mission and somehow they also they try to be his therapists?

I don’t know, it sounds a lot kinder to everyone to just get some fucking space.

Not hanging out with someone who gravely hurt you isn’t punishment, it’s basic boundaries and self-care for you and I’m beginning to worry about what it means that many of you don’t seem to know that.

[choiwrites]

kth | wolfgirl (m.)

Words: 10k  Genre: twlight!au, it’s new moon but taetae as jacob, ur bella but you have a personality :o, oh also smut and a little angst Warnings: no protection and no fcks given, language ig?, descriptive seggs lol, vampires and all that bs if that triggers sum of yall, oral (f receiving), tae is younger than u and kind of a sub (dom tae is overdone we need change in this country) i cant think no more no thots hed mt Rating: 18+ Song: Iron & Wine - Flightless Bird, American Mouth Summary:  During your stay at your Aunt's house in the wet town of Forks, you never thought the boys next door will change your perspective in how you see the world.

The weather in Washington was something you’re not used to. You can never go places without getting mud on your shoes and it takes more than your patience to clean them every time before going out. Sure, it was great to experience a different weather other than the blazing sun in Los Angeles, but it was hard to adjust. You weren’t ready for it with all the sleeveless and loose tops you brought from Los Angeles.

After months of debating with your mom, you decided it would be a great way to spend your summer vacation turning your camera focus into something more dark and cloudy. Your professor had also suggested that it would look good in your portfolio if you try different moods in photos other than the hot weather in Angeles. So, you thought about it for months before asking your mom to buy you tickets to see your Aunt Sylvia who you're currently living with for the meantime.

She was in her mid-thirties, but she looked younger than her real age. She knew how to groom and with the way she looks, she probably had that life during her high school days. You rarely see her though, you can remember all the conversations you both had. She leaves home early for her duty at the police station as an attending desk officer. Her place wasn't big, an average suburban house painted in cold tones of white and gray with dark furniture inside. It's not your typical definition of cozy. Good thing you brought your two sweaters — one with a Christmas tree embroidered on it and one with the phrase "'tis the season!" Wearing a sweater in Los Angeles only means one thing, and that is the season of giving. But who cares, it's not like anyone was going to notice, right?

About to finish the second cup of black tea, an idea pops into your mind about what Sylvia had said about the landscapes nearby the house. However, she had warned you about the risks of a few wild coyote appearances, but one could call you a junkie. There’s no fun in danger, but dangerous does rhyme with adventurous.

A cool whip of breeze enters the thin fabric of your sweater, immediately regretting stepping out of the doorstep after locking the door. As you are approaching the back of the house to enter the woods, young laughters echo through the area, lessening your fear for a bit. It must be safe if a group of teenagers are hanging out in such a secluded forest.

Unbothered by the noises, whether they were from teenagers or not, you make your way further into the woods of coppery branches on the endless verdant ground with subtle eau de nils. It’s like walking into a surreal three-dimensional render of a forest, too perfect to be right in front of your eyes.

It was quiet and serene in the woods. Aside from birds chirping, it felt like out of this world. It was an alien planet. Everything was green — the moss surrounding the place, every tree had some sort of fungi beneath it, the soil dark brown as if staring right into the earth’s eyes. The very healthy kind of earthy, and it was easier to breathe in the forest than it was in the city of Los Angeles. No wonder why they're both on the opposite sides of the country. They're literally poles apart. Being at Forks, it's as if you were able to be in a different country. It was secluded, unlike in Angeles, there are people in every place you go.

While changing the film of the camera, a strong gust of wind on your left side. So strong that your body stumbled onto the ground. You were on your knees, camera shattered as it hits a hard medium-sized rock. You break a couple of curses to the wind.

The camera looked hopeless with lenses separated from it, lying in pieces against a rock.

"What the hell was that?" 

There had to be some kind of a fast animal that ran from your side, which quickens your pulse, but the devastation you felt for the camera overthrew that fear. When you caught a glimpse of the 'wind,' it was human-like. It ran around in every direction surrounding you,  freezing you into place. The only thing you were able to do was to keep watching the human-like creature run in circles like lightning. You tried standing up, but it approached you in a rapid current that you fell into place again. But you couldn't see it, you weren't able to look into its eyes.

"You shouldn't be out here alone,” behind you says.

You whimper, embarrassed when the deep voice sends hums into your nerves.. 

"Why didn't you run?" He looks at you with knitted brows as he approaches to help you get on your feet. He’s far too attractive to be a wild coyote, you slap that stupid thought away.

"I... I didn't know what to do,” you force out, still affected by the broken camera and creeping fear.

He was around four inches taller than you. He looked about your age. Dark thick hair, with light brown irides inside his almond-shaped eyes. His skin was of a rich walnut tan, and his dark green hoodie complements that. 

"You must be Sylvia's niece. I'm Taehyung,” he said in a sultry manner as he offered a hand for a handshake.

"How do you kno-"

"She told us. My family's close with Sylvia. Our mothers used to be best friends, y/n." He puts his hand back in the pocket of his hoodie.

A tinge of embarrassment brushes through your cheeks, feeling guilty that you didn't give him a handshake. But all of that is ignored when he smiles.

"Did I creep you out?"

You chuckle softly. "No, of course not. I'm just still in the moment... of processing." You ease him, as if you were able to read the tension in his undecipherable eyes.

There was a few seconds of silence before Taehyung spoke again when he noticed your camera on the ground.

"Hey, we have a technician at home, maybe he has some tools he could help you with."

He was absolutely gorgeous. You find yourself lost in his face, studying his features and every little action he does. He would look so good as a muse. If only you could capture him right now, he'd be perfect under the clouds that create shadows that contour his cheeks and makes his eyes even more mysterious.

"Don't worry, you can trust me. Sylvia knows where I live,” he adds. 

Though that doesn't really solve the problem, you find yourself walking with Taehyung in the woods, drifting away from the devastation and fear from earlier. 

The laughters were from them. The laughs you heard earlier before entering the woods were from Taehyung's friends. They confirmed that they were walking around the woods earlier and that they passed by your house. All looking friendly with similar doe eyes, almost like they were relatives. They were all in a circle, all of them sitting on a chunk of thick logs, dressed in a similar way. The men were younger than you, but there is a girl who's older than you. She didn't seem as friendly as the others as you notice the judging glances towards your way. She had shoulder length of hair and she was just as tan as Taehyung. Taehyung discussed each of them one by one to you, all of them introducing themselves in an endearing manner except for her. Only saying her name was Leah and that was it, which made you feel an ounce of intimidation.

"So, y/n, how long do you plan to stay?" Embry, the one with the shortest hair, asks as he plays with the two twigs he'd been digging up dirt with the moment you arrived. His color was a tad bit darker than the others. He had a grin that could steal every girl's heart. He was gorgeous. They were all just as gorgeous as Taehyung.

"Oh, one month. I have a college application to fix back home,” you answered surely. You were only here to take photos for your college portfolio, and making friends was out of the picture until today.

"Sucks for Tae, I had a feeling you could be more than a willing candidate to be his girlfriend." Everybody laughed except for you and Tae who exchanged awkward glances at each other.

"Stop it, Bry." Taehyung wanted to laugh along but embarrassment got the best of him.

"She looks so out of place. You probably party a lot in Los Angeles, don't you?" Leah gives you a stern look, seriously waiting for your response. She only wants to get a reaction from you and you weren’t the only one to get the feeling as the group feels the rising tension between the both of you.

"No, I don't go to parties. Mom is very strict." You tell her. You didn't want the group to feel that you were intimidated, after all, you wanted to befriend everyone.

"She'd be perfect for our overnight tomorrow then." She prickly grins.

"Right! Want to join us in La Push? It's the nearest beach out here. We'll have bonfires and such," Seth, the youngest one with the tiniest body (still bigger than yours), expresses in excitement. Out of all of them, Seth was the friendliest. 

"I'll go talk to Sylvia for you, if you want." Taehyung raises his brows. He had been laughing quietly ever since he had brought you to meet his friends - which seems like he regrets, additionally. He was more mysterious than you thought. He didn't share much of his life during the discussion, only three things: his last name was Kim, he’s 20 years old, and he lives at the rez along with the rest of the team.

"Sure. I'll just bring my other camera." You smiled.

Taehyung said that he'll get Chase, a friend of his who wasn’t part of the circle, to fix the broken film camera. He assured that it will only be a matter of three days before the camera is all yours again. After a few more useless fun discussions, you had forgotten that the sun had settled for a while. When Taehyung realizes your face of worry, he offers to give you a ride home. Great, a ride with the wild coyote who had immediately earned your trust by rising a brow. You wouldn’t be so shocked if you end up ‘missing’ in the news in the next hours.

He owned a Chevy pick up truck. It was red, but faded, making it seem vermillion in color. It had a few dents and you were sure that it wasn't one of the smoothest rides you've ever had. But Taehyung made a few jokes about how he feels uneasy with the truck as well, only to reveal that it has been with him ever since his birth.

"It's great. Very retro." You gave him a smile to let him know that he doesn't need to feel embarrassed with his truck.

"Shut up, Y/N. I know it sucks, okay. I can't even play a single song here without a static." He laughs and you admit it.

He gave a charming wave to your window and had a small chat with Sylvia, who’s been home for hours, before leaving, probably about the La Push trip for tomorrow. Once you've changed into your pyjamas, Sylvia knocks on your door as you are about to settle in bed.

"Tae told me about the La Push camping tomorrow,” she began.

"Are you gonna let me?"

She smiles in an assuring way. You can't deny how lovely she looked with her hair down, her waves framing her heart-shaped face. "Of course, honey. You better wake up early tomorrow. Tae told me that he'll pick you up by seven." She winks and rubs your shoulder before heading downstairs.

A beach trip in a cloudy town without bringing any hoodies with you? Sounds about perfect, if you’re looking for a hypothermia attack. And you were never a morning person either so it’s a big mystery why you even agreed to go in the first place. The waking time in Los Angeles was ten in the morning. In Forks, it was seven. 

When Taehyung arrived, he was wearing a black shirt and a black leather jacket, pairing it with slightly oversized pants. He looked bigger than yesterday, maybe it was the jacket that made him look buff. He waved softly before you even stepped out of the doorway. He was carrying a medium-sized paper bag with small wet stains.

"My sister made us breakfast. Just in case you didn't have enough time to prepare," he opens the car door for you and waved to Sylvia goodbye, "thought you'd take more time because you probably wake up late in the city."

“I’m somehow a little offended with that assumption,” you cooed and he replied with a stammering laugh, unsure whether to take it as a joke or not.

He fumbled with the stereo and it played better than yesterday, giving you a sloppy smile as the first chords of Creep by Radiohead plays.

"You fixed it?" You take a bite from the sandwich his sister prepared. You thank God his sister prepared it for you, your stomach would be growling by now.

"Yeah. I just didn't want us to have that awkward silence along the way." He breathily laughs.

Everything Taehyung has is beautiful. He had an amazing laugh, a deep sultry voice, and doe eyes. He's simply astonishing. You were sure that everyone he has met so far had fallen in love with him. You weren't one to deny that either.

It took around fifteen songs before the both of you arrived at the beach — thanks to Taehyung's amazing playlist. It was quiet, the weather didn't change much in the place. Still cold and dark, untouched by a glimpse of sunrise. It was windier than the rest of Forks, and you wore your Christmas sweater to at least help with the cold a bit.

It was weird to say, but Taehyung radiated heat whenever you were near him. It's like when you're not around Taehyung, you feel the coldness of Forks. His truck didn't even feel cold though his air conditioning was on, you just felt a sense of unfamiliar comfortable heat you found yourself curling in your seat minutes ago. The group welcomed the both of you except for Leah of course. Sooner or later, you knew you'd start to hate her.

"You guys are early,” you tell Embry and Paul as they greet you with warm hugs.

"Of course, we are. It's La Push, baby." Embry gives you a wink and you blush.

"Okay, Bry, I haven't had my breakfast and you're already winking." Paul fake puked and the rest of the group laughs.

They started setting up tents as Taehyung offered to take your bag when he noticed how it's weighing you down. Before he could put it in the tent, you took your digital camera and started roaming around by yourself to take pictures of the view. Astounding as you had expected. It's like you were in the middle of nowhere. Only Taehyung's friends were at the beach which was a lucky shot for you and the group.

"Set up the fire, Tae! We're having breakfast." Leah yells across the place as she places the logs in the middle of the circle the tents are built in.

Taehyung sighs loudly. "Get ready for the Quileute Tribe stories." 

"You seem tired of it, you joked.

While Taehyung builds a fire with the rest of the boys, you secretly take pictures of him busy as the both of you keep talking.

"It's always the story every camping day. The Quileute Legends, you know? The scary stuff." 

You knit your brows when the word ‘scary’ comes into play, bringing your camera down to take a better look at the almost sweaty Taehyung.

"Scary stuff? How scary? Thrill me." You weren't aware as to how much Taehyung also studies your features. He wanted to know you better, but he was afraid of scaring you away by asking too many questions. It had always been his issue, scaring people away from him. And this time, he didn't want to let you in like the others, he just wanted to be acquaintances. But the more he spends time with you, the more he wants to be near you as if there were magnets pulling you together.

"I don't know what would thrill you, y/n. But the world is darker than you think, it's not always safe." He gives you a look. It was impossible. You were five feet away from him, but you could almost see your reflection in his eyes. It was too comforting. You were devoured by his eyes, falling steadily into his charms.

"I know. It's just as scary in L.A., I mean," you gulped, "crime is everywhere. Can't really stop it." You explained.

"It's not always crime that's scary, y/n. I'm talking unexplainable things." He smirks.

"Like paranormal?" You gaze away from him, starting to take pictures of the beach. But no matter how hard you try to distract yourself from Taehyung, your eyes keep falling on him.

"More than paranormal. Ghosts are easier to believe in."

You inhaled sharply. "I mean those are just legends, right? What's with the obsession in the Qui-Quileute Tribe?" You struggled pronouncing the word.

"It's not me. It's a tradition." There was a moment of silence before you could think of what to say again.

"Delete my pictures by the way." He scoffed.

"I thought you didn't notice."

"I was posing." 

You laugh at his joke, still certain you're never deleting any of his pictures, most definitely the one when he accidentally looked at the camera.

"You look sort of beautiful in the camera." Your lids flutter like a high school girl. “Not just in the camera, I mean… haha.”

He stares at you in confusion, and somehow you always find yourself frozen and embarrassed whenever he looks at you. "Sort of beautiful? You're more naive than I thought." He removes his jacket and throws it on the log nearby, revealing his buff body. You look away in discomfort, you didn't want to find yourself checking him out. "I'm not what you think I am. And I don't think you want to know."

"Maybe I do." You point the camera towards him and take a shot of his reaction. You wink.

The clouds hovering above the clamorous sea tell that there's probably rain coming, but it seems like the group wasn't bothered by it at all. You were sitting next to Taehyung two feet away from you on the logs nearby the fire that Seth had given up trying to help making after a couple of failed attempts. His heat never failed to linger around you though.

Sam was discussing the Quileute Legends and the group was very fascinated with the story, even though Taehyung had confirmed earlier that they've already heard the story too many times from their own families. Sam was good. He had a way in telling stories. You find yourself actually believing the legends. Werewolves and vampires? Shapeshifters and Children of the Moon? You weren't one to believe in such fantasies. You liked to watch historical movies more than fairytales, but with the way Sam elaborated every part of the legend, you can't deny the shiver that you felt when he discussed the cold ones.

Fast like lightning. Beautiful and alluring. Undead without a soul.

You thought it was ridiculous for Sam to even give out a warning about the cold ones. You were suppressing your laugh a little bit, and you were sure Leah already had her eyes on you. Why would Sam give out a warning about the cold ones? It's not like they were actually real. He also mentioned a treaty. And he sounded pretty serious about it too, even Taehyung was carefully listening. All of their eyes were on Sam, except for Leah.

Sam talked about a specific family of the cold ones, that they proposed a treaty. These cold ones are not allowed to hurt anybody from Forks, or else the mentioned werewolves are allowed to pose a fight with them. He talked about it like it was a plan.

It was afternoon and the clouds were still as thick as it was in the morning, but rays of sunlight shone through the gaps between the dark clouds. It looked ethereal, an aesthetic you'd only see in paintings. You thought those paintings are only manifestations of amplified emotions of the painter, but here you are, smiling to your camera as you take hundreds of shots.

"Save some memory for the other landscapes," Taehyung says beside you, throwing pebbles to the water, each bouncing impressively for three times.

"I know, I just can't get enough of this. You don't see that in L.A." You pointed your index finger towards the horizon of the sea.

"Yeah, but at least you can swim in LA. It's too cold out here to even go for a swim,” he emphasized.

"Not when you're around. It's weird, but I feel like you have a fever. You're too hot."

He raises his brows . "I know I'm hot," he chuckles.

"I didn't mean it like that,” you protest, though you know for a fact, Taehyung right. If he were to live in L.A., he'd be escorted many times by a modeling agency.

"So, I'm not hot?" You knew he was teasing and your embarrassment was obvious enough because of the blood rushing through your cheeks.

"You're attractive. I'm sure you know that." You roll your eyes, trying to keep everything casual — which is getting harder and harder every time he's around.

"No, I don't,” he teased. He was obviously getting pay back on you for taking candid shots of him earlier.

Your eyes landed on Sam and Emily play-fighting in the sea, just the sight of them being happy made you feel a bit of a heartache. You were a sucker for romance. The boys told you earlier that they were engaged for three months now. Leah was Sam's ex-girlfriend and Emily was Leah's ex-best friend. Finally putting the pieces together why Leah was one of the hardest to be with. She was extremely hurt and broken. She would rather shut the world out rather than let anybody in. She would rather be alone, than find anyone again who could possibly hurt her.

"Look," you poked Taehyung who was too busy throwing pebbles, "Sam and Emily are swimming. We should too!"

Though you were shivering, you bravely took off the mustard jacket that Taehyung had let you borrow. You were left with your thin brown tank top and denim shorts. He's still in his black shirt, unbothered to even take it off nor his jeans.

"What are you doing? Let's go." You tell him as you walk towards the sea.

This was a bad idea. It felt like ice was draping all over your body. How can Emily look like she's having fun when you're over here freezing just by stepping into the water? Half of your body was shivering from the wind, the lower half was for sure numb. You wanted to slap Taehyung for taking so long to get in with you, and you weren't even sure why you were so desperate for him to get in with you. It's not like he had a heater with him.

It took Taehyung a few more seconds before he started taking his shirt off, revealing his caramel skin, but it wasn't his color that caught your eyes, it was how built he is. His body looks like it was sculpted by the most talented and precise sculptor. It was defined, and shadows are doing magic in giving it silhouettes in the right areas. The best part about it was how shy he was taking off his clothes, like a teenager getting ready for his first swimming lesson.

He was for sure planning to swim today, revealing the gray trunks he’s wearing underneath his jeans. He needs a bigger one that fits him better, because the trunks he's wearing isn't doing him any justice.

Okay, no. Maybe it was justified by a subtle outline of his —

Don't even look down there, y/n, you tell yourself.

You didn't know where to focus. His thighs were just as eye-catching as his abs. Just as toned and thick. It would be such a material for thigh riding, you thought and you quickly shake your head at the idea. It has to be the waters that did this to you. Time has never been more relevant when he was walking towards your way, as he scoops water with his hands to wet his hair, while biting his bottom lip and giving you a small smile after.

"Freezing?" He smiles, eyes pierced on your small body. You were hugging yourself, embracing yourself from the fact that if you let go of your hands, you might touch something else.

"You were taking so long." 

He chuckles before holding your arm, taking it off your body. "Come on, dip your whole body." He pulls you softly towards the ocean, the sound of walking through water comforting your ears.

He was a foot away from you, the water level was on his chest and so was yours, but slightly higher. He looked even more godly. His hair pushed back, and to see his face in its entirety was a blessing, a gift.

None of you dared to talk, and you thought it was better that way. You just get to stare at him, as the sunlight lands itself upon his bronze eyes with specks of gold if you would close enough, majestic indeed to see something like that once in your life. You'd wish to wake up to that every morning.

There was this comfortable silence between the two of you. Drops of water fall under his eyelashes, fluttering them as he struggles to stare back at you. The moment was ruined when he suddenly smiled and looked towards Embry and Paul. Embry was sitting next to Paul, staring at the both of you while laughing. You shrug, feeling invaded.

"Why? What is it?" you asked Taehyung.

"They're thinking ridiculously."

 You furrow your forehead. "How do you know?" He tightens his hold around your arm as he keeps you steady near him, aware of you struggling to touch the floor.

"I just know," he softly plants circles on your arm with his thumb, "trust me."

"Maybe we shouldn't stand too close to each other then. I think they're making a big deal out of it." You didn't want to come off feisty, but you guessed it went that way for Taehyung as he moved away from you without letting you go.

"No, they're not. They're just teasing." When he said that, it was like he only said it to get near you, to assure you that it was okay to be close to him like that.

"Still cold?" he asked.

"Not so much anymore." You muttered. There were so many questions you wanted to ask Taehyung, but your voice isn't very trustworthy at the moment. You know it will betray you the moment you open your mouth.

"Penny for your thoughts? Why did you want to swim?" His voice was soft, calming as the ocean.

"I wanted to test how warm you can make me, even in freezing water."

He laughs breathily. "Seriously?"

You nod. He wanted to tell you a lot about himself, but like you, he was just as scared. Skinny dipping wasn't really your thing, especially in cold water, so after a few more moments of swimming and small talks with Taehyung, you let yourself dry by sitting next to the tent, keeping yourself busy by viewing all the pictures you took.

It was four in the afternoon, and the sun looked like it was already setting. Time was almost irrelevant at Forks, you wake up and the next thing you know, you're already getting ready for bed. Even though today was quite eventful, the clock still ticked quickly.

Feeling dry enough, you walked to the other side of the beach, Embry had mentioned that there was a cliff nearby along the woods. Though Taehyung was busy drying himself and laughing with the others, he glanced your way as you were heading towards the woods. You lifted your camera so he knew what your motive was, and he flashed a sly smile.

Trees. Cliffs. Birds.

The place could be a haven for the National Geographic Channel.

"I thought the pack wouldn't ever leave you alone like this." A deep voice spoke behind you, his english accent was thick and strong. You were sure that if you turn around, he’ll be ten feet away from you. You regret blinking your eyes, because the next thing you knew, he was right in front of you. His expression with so much thirst, so much hunger. For what?

You only inhaled sharply, first thing coming into your mind, confusion overpowering your nerves. You examined the man before you quickly. Olive skin, dark ruby eyes. His skin was inhumanly shiny, he almost looked dead, but in a mesmerizing type of way. He had dark purple circles, but his eyes were beautiful enough to distract you from it. He mirrored a cement under sunlight, he had fragments of diamonds and glitters on his skin. It wasn't your brain consuming you but his visual, his aura.

"Didn't bring your dog with you?" You weren't sure what he meant. He takes a step forward to lean into your ear, and your feet beg to stay, your eyes staring deeply in his beauty. You were too engaged, everything about him had you in place.

"You smell different from the others. Are you aware of that?" His breath touched your skin and there the exact opposite of heat seeping in your skin. “La tua cantante. I can hear your blood flowing through your veins. I can hear your heart. It's beautiful." He sniffs your neck as he hisses.

He wasn't human, and this time you were sure. He had danger lingering in his eyes, but it dressed so captivatingly beautiful, you found yourself lost.

"It won't hurt, I promise. It will be just a tiny bite, you won't even feel it."

There were words coming out of your mouth, you swore that. But nothing, your mouth still and close. It's sort of like he had power upon you, controlling and manipulating your body to be a mannequin. 

"Shh, don't fight it. You won't win over me." His teeth were grazing on your neck, seeking for a soft spot. You were unsure of his nature, what could he be?

An alien from this alien planet? An experiment gone wrong that escaped from a lab, perhaps? Maybe a demon, or an angel. A greek god of some kind?

They were all terrifying.

At the corner of your eye appeared a shirtless Taehyung, but he didn't look like himself. He was red, smoke flaring around his body. His chest expanded by time, and when you felt a small sensation of sharpness on your neck, Taehyung jumped towards the man.

No, it can't be.

This isn't Taehyung. Taehyung was gone. Maybe you were imagining things, but you felt all of them happening in front of you. As the man got distracted, your senses came back, falling on your side from losing balance. You pushed yourself away from the two monsters, as you would describe it. This wolf was huge, enormous. Any man who would try to fight it will easily lose. It stands almost seven foot, three bears wide.

Without trying, the creature had already decapitated the man. You weren't sure how to feel — safe or worried — but you were sure that you are mortified, and your face clearly expresses that.

You were only moving away from this huge thing in front of you, maybe that'll help you escape. But you don't even know if you wanted to escape. A part of you believes that Taehyung is inside that wolf, maybe eaten alive, or a spirit. 

So much for the wild coyotes, thanks for the heads up Sylvia.

Your eyes met his. Dark bronze eyes with specks of gold if you look close enough. You could almost see yourself in them, they were that kind. His eyes had a message for you, to approach him, to pet him, that it was okay and he will never hurt you. Before your hand could land on his lowered head, Sam and the others came running to help you, obviously seeing the wolf, but not even being bothered like you were.

"Y/n, are you alright?" Sam helps you stand on your feet.

Sam and the wolf had some kind of connection. Sam stared at it and the wolf left.

"So, wolves are normal here?" you spoke with a weak voice.

Sam opened his mouth and closed it again, thinking of how he can explain what just happened. You know that he knows something, and he was struggling to tell it.

"Where's Taehyung?" You scan their faces with no sign of Taehyung.

Holy shit! The wolf ate him! you thought. All you want to see right now is Taehyung. To prove himself. He can't be that wolf. The wolf must have eaten him. It is far too impossible for Quileute Legends to be real.

"We should get going before the other cold ones get here." Sam assists you to get back in the tents, completely ignoring your state of bewilderment.

Maybe it's a Forks thing to be mysterious and quiet. It irks you so much that none of them are even acknowledging what happened. This would be a great story for your mom.

Hey, Mom. Just wanted to call to tell you about how great my day was. So Taehyung, right? Aunt's neighbor, really hot guy I'd totally fuck, got eaten by a werewolf. But that's not too crazy, an incredibly beautiful medieval British man held me hostage, telling me he wanted to suck my blood. What a Forks thing! And everybody saw this huge tall wolf, I'm talking as big as a shelf kind of wolf, but they all acted like it was some puppy leaving the scene. Anyways, Mom, I'm traumatized. Going home in a week.

There is no way you can paraphrase that. No way you can make everything happening right now to sound normal at least one bit. This must be normal in Forks, but this is some Hollywood work in LA already. Things like these don't happen unless there was a shoot next door.

"Hey, you okay?" Leah approaches you. Her concern is seemingly genuine.

"I'm alive, guess I am okay. Where's Taehyung?" You don't bother to look at anyone at all, you drive your attention to the waves landing on the beach, hoping you could synchronize your breathing with them.

"Taehyung's fine. You don't have to worry about him."

"I saw him there. He was... he was red! Like he was burning! And... and there was smoke. Then I blinked, then there's a wolf. I swear it ate him!" Leah looked at you with wide eyes, but her lips were shaking trying to hide a smile.

"You're not taking me seriously! That wolf killed that guy! I don't know. He sounded British!" Leah bit her lip. "That was horrifying. I saw its head removed, there was no blood! What was that?" Leah inhaled sharply before looking at you with assurance.

"Can you calm down? The wolf you saw, don't you think it was described like the one in the legends?" Leah almost shouted, yet still controlling her laugh.

"Shapeshifters? Those are legends, Leah! The wolf ate Taehyung!" 

She chuckled. "No, they are real," she protested.

"The British man there was a cold one, a literal vampire. Taehyung didn't kill him, he was already dead."

No.

"Shut up, Leah. I know you hate me, but this is no time for jokes." 

She laughs harder. "You're right about me not liking you, but I'm not joking. That dark brown werewolf is Taehyung. One and only Taehyung. 20 year-old Taehyung who lives at the rez. That Taehyung."

'The world is darker than you think. It's not always safe.'

Taehyung had already given you clues from the start. But a word from Leah wouldn't be enough to stop your mind from going everywhere. You needed to hear this from Taehyung.

It was twilight already and the group had decided to spend the night in their cabin, instead of the beach. Sam explained that it was for your safety which until now he hasn't elaborated yet. Emily offered newly baked muffins, but it was too late before you could grab one when all the boys devoured around them. You gave Emily a smile.

"You can have the next batch." She shied away.

Emily looks like an average girl next door. She had fringes and medium length hair, they were very flat. Her skin was like the others, tan and healthy-looking. One thing you haven't examined deeply about her were her eyes. Embry had told you once that staring at Emily would bother Sam, and when you first saw her, you knew immediately why. She had a scar on one of her eyes, they looked painful. It looks like a cat scratch, only if that cat was a lion. It covered half of her face, but that didn't stop her from being lovely. She was still pretty in every way.

Taehyung arrives at the cabin, looking at everybody except you, his body resting on the door frame. He was heavy-breathing like he just finished a race. Sam came after him, giving him a small pat then walking towards Emily. Taehyung's eyes remain on the floor. His actions were complicated. You haven't figured him out yet.

"Y/N, Tae, maybe you can talk outside alone." Sam smirks at Taehyung, and Taehyung smiles back.

'This is no time to be smiling!'

Taehyung finally looks at you before leaving the door and you follow. But he still hasn't talked. And your rage is piling up inside you, you finally take a step forward.

"Care to explain what the hell happened there? I thought you were swallowed by that — that thing!" He gulps, stopping his tracks and turning around to see your face.

"I was scared," you muttered.

He totally understood why you were scared. Because he was just as scared and confused as you when he first discovered who he was, and just like you, he chose to deny it in every way he can, and he hoped that denial can make a change.

"You're not supposed to know about this. I didn't want to put you in this position — of knowing what truly there is." His eyes are sad, like he was a missing child.

The same day Taehyung figured out what he was, his eyes looked exactly the same; with fear, agony, and deprecation.

"So, you're a werewolf?" You felt his pupils dilate.

He looked at you in disbelief as if he hadn't given enough clues yet.

"Werewolf. Shapeshifter. Monster. Dog. Whatever you call it, it wasn’t my choice." His voice was weak, almost ashamed of what he had just said.

"And you kill —"

"Vampires." He finishes your sentence before you could assume. "Just vampires. The cold ones? Those that violate the treaty? They’re real." And so the legends were correct and real, and the evidence stands right in front of you, breathing and staring at you.

But no matter what angle you look at him, he wasn't a monster. He is not what he is described in the fairytales. He wasn't a merciless creature, not even harmful. He was just this young boy who lived near you.

"I get that you're afraid of me. Trust me, so am I."

"I'm not scared of you. If it weren't for you I would be bloodless by now." You bit your lip. "But I'm still a little overwhelmed." You gulped.

He had no words, but he was relieved. And you knew that when his eyes twinkled, the kind he gave you when you were jamming to the songs he had in his truck.

"If it's okay for you, I'm inviting you and Sylvia to my birthday tomorrow. It's just a small gathering."

"Will there be drinks?" you kid.

"Sam doesn't really want me taking any drinks for the meantime." He chuckles.

"Why not?"

"He said that I can't be on alcohol during my first six months of phasing. Why? Do you drink?" he innocently asks.

"Was just teasing." You playfully pushed him before proceeding to walk back in the cabin.

Before you even knew it, Taehyung was irrevocably infatuated with you. He wouldn't have thought that a college girl would give a small attention to someone younger than her, or even finding out about who he truly is and still staying by his side. He had spent so much time denying who he was, but maybe being a werewolf isn't so bad after all, if phasing is what it takes to protect you or anyone at all.

You were just like what he thought you would be — kindred spirits.

The party isn’t filled with loud chats and crowds, it is a gathering. Taehyung tried his best to always stand by your side to give you ease in enjoying such an unfamiliar place as Sylvia gets indulged in conversations with the others, completely forgetting you. Every minute though, he'd have to leave you alone on the couch but he'd return as soon as he can.

There weren't much talks between you and him either, only a couple of smiles exchanged whenever Embry and Quil do something embarrassing in front of the both of you.

It seemed as if the night was the longest night of your life, only occupied with listening to others’ stories and Taehyung sipping a punch from his red cup. He had asked a few questions to keep things interesting, but it was hard to keep the mood flowing. You had asked about his hobbies and all the boring stuff you could think of, and surprisingly he would reply with enthusiasm like he have always wanted to be asked those questions. This makes you more curious how his daily life goes, how many people does he actually talk to.

When the hand of the clock drops at ten, you were just patiently waiting for Sylvia to get on her feet and cut the conversation with the others but she seemed to have consumed more alcohol than she could tolerate and the next thing you knew she was laughing like a maniac. You were stuck in a loop circle of smiling so thinly to everyone you get eye contact with.

You distract yourself with admiring the intricate designs of Taehyung's small home, and the thought of a young Taehyung growing up in where you're sitting currently makes your heart jolt. It's uplifting seeing his pictures on the wall, but there was a difference between his smile before and his smile now. One can easily tell which was more true. You had no clue what it's like to be his kind, hell even now you still can't believe what he is. But it sure shows in the way he had changed judging from the innocent photos that hang on the wooden walls. You've never known him since then, yet you wanted to restore this angel-being beaming at the sight of a camera who now hates being in photos because he thinks he's some sort of a monster.

You wanted to ask him about the pictures, the one where he was wearing a towel with a headband, the one where he was framing his face. All of them speak some kind of connection with you, maybe it's your love for photography that makes you feel this way, but innocence is one of the hardest thing to lay your lenses on.

Then you finally got it. What your professor was talking about, drawing something intangible to your camera. This is what he meant. Your gallery is only filled with landscapes, mostly the aesthetic of architecture and nature. Taehyung is what you needed to change the mood of your photos, not the weather, not the dark ambience of Forks, but his story. If only there's a chance for you to grasp his mystery in a single picture, his adventurous smile in one flash.

A pang of pain in your forehead pulls you back into reality, and the lights that stood above you only made it worse. You needed to leave immediately before the pain has you grunting. Welcomed with a wrapping breeze, you brace yourself and regret wearing the dress Sylvia begged you to wear. She said it was her favorite when she was your age, a Prussian blue dress that stops before your knees with tulle around the hem and a lighter blue ribbon on the chest.

Of course Taehyung who sits beside you would notice your leaving, and before you can inhale the fresh air from the porch, he was already asking what's wrong.

"I don't feel so good. I think I'm gonna have to go home alone since Sylvia's still occupied," you said, pushing on your temples with your thumb and middle finger.

"I can drive you home. I don't think they'd notice that we left, they're all pretty wasted." He chuckles, complementing the high tones of the strong wind that travels past your bodies.

"I'm really sorry. I'm being rude, I mean this is your party... your birthday party and you're going to drive me home."

He places the sippy cup on a coffee table near the entrance, and he was palming his pocket to reach for his keys.

"It's fine, y/n. The party's been dead four hours ago and I can't send you home alone. Do you have the house key or should I go back inside and ask Sylvia for it?"

"She gave me a duplicate. I think it's best we go now. My head's really killing me."

It was unusual, headaches. They rarely come to you since you monitor your phone usage and water intake. You hate getting them because you hated taking meds for it, and you just hoped Sylvia would have a stock of it. Your fingers have been roaming your forehead for a while yet you can't seem to navigate where the pain is, where it's beating. It would be better if you could massage it along the ride but you were struggling to even keep your fingers raised.

Taehyung stops the car in the middle of somewhere as you are hitting your head continuously on the head rest. It was quiet, a deafening silence that rang your ears that brought you to open your eyes. Taehyung wasn't in his seat anymore, only fog filling for his place crawling under your skin.

There was your breathing, crickets, and rustles of trees that travel the air. You weren't sure how to react but one was definite, you were scared. The hand resting on your thigh turning white and wet, breathing faster and heavier as the air seems to be corrupted with toxic poison that does nothing but suffocate you.

Don't get out of the car, don't get out of the car, you chant internally hoping it will help your situation.

"Hello, dear," a slinky voice says through the window, almost similar to the man— vampire from yesterday. Could it be? Could there be more? "Don't make me wait, dear. Open the door and make this easy for the both of us, hm?"

It sounds the exact same as the accent the man had with an alluring tone that draws you to open the door. However, it wasn't just her tempting attempt into convincing you to endanger yourself, the pain in your head inflates as you try to control yourself.

"You want it hard, my dear?" She smirks, you weren't sure but you hear the spread of the corner of her lips.

Then she was in front of the headlights, filled with rage, her eyes dark and dangerous as she showed her predacious teeth. From here, you can feel the vibration of her anger as if she had the ability to let you feel all the harnessed emotions inside her. You can count them one by one: anger, vengeance, and the feeling you get before success. None of them were positive emotions, none of them was mercy. She came here to accomplish one thing.

Your death.

Finally understanding it, inside her browbeating eyes were agony and mourning. She was here to avenge the death of the vampire that Taehyung had killed. She was as beautiful, as seductive with her pale skin and ruby lips, curly strawberry blonde hair that flows until her shoulders.

You discovered that there was a split second of slow agonizing memory of your life before it's taken, and you wished there was none. She runs towards you, careless whether she bashes her head into the glass. She takes your neck, her fingers poking specifically at the sides and right before you can regain your breath your eyes open.

Gasping and catching air, awakening in the seat with Taehyung by your side who drives in silence as Midnight Rambler by The Rolling Stones plays from his rusty stereo.

So if you ever meet the midnight rambler

I'm coming down your marble hall

Well, he's pouncing like a proud black panther

Well, you can say I, I told you so

He sits there, unaware of the chaos that repeats in your head. It all felt so real, the grasp on your neck that locks your throat, you could've sworn you've given your last breath. The pain had stopped, replaced by dizziness that you knew would pass as minutes go by. 

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Is there something on my face?"

You shake your head. "I didn't know I was staring."

That's right. You didn't know you were staring. There was so much comfort in knowing he never left, the heat of his presence brings you a feeling of security. It's okay now. Taehyung's still here. By your side.

Once reaching home, Taehyung does his best to assist you as though you were ill. It's cute how he acts that way, so careful, so gentle. Upon reaching your room, Taehyung stops before your bedroom door, almost waiting for an invitation.

"I should get going now. I'll tell Sylvia you felt sick." And before he could say good bye, you're already wrapping yourself in the blankets as he passively makes a step away from your door.

"Taehyung," you said, reaching out. "Thank you for today."

He doesn't turn back. "You're welcome. Also, thank you for coming."

A shiver spreads across your back when your lids start to fall, and your body jolts upwards. The beautiful woman from the early nightmare visits your mind again, her face inches from yours close to ripping it apart.

"Taehyung," you whispered, but he heard you within the thin walls of the lonely house. "Can you... stay for a sec? I... I had a nightmare earlier... felt so real. C-can you?"

He walks back, eyes landing everywhere except your body that waits for him on the bed. Is she serious? he thought as you opened the blankets for a space behind you.

"Until you fall asleep?"

You nod. He kicks off his shoes and he positions himself behind you, both of your breaths synchronizing as he lies down softly. You bury your cheek into the pillow when you feel his warmth wrap the room, the security coming back. You turn your head to see him watching you inches away, his hand keeping his head up as he rests his cheek against it. You take his free hand that lies on his right side, pulling it to your stomach requesting for him to scoot closer until his body brushes your back.

You can stay like this, for longer than you can imagine. Just the sounds of your breaths and the hums of his loud thumping heart that makes its way to your upper back, the release of breath from his nostrils that flies over your hair. Peaceful. Safe and sound.

In his embrace, you forget everything: the packing for Los Angeles, the fear of not getting into any university, the supernatural that you had discovered that you still cannot comprehend, the clouding fear that something is coming to get you. In his arm, it's like they never existed. The worries are nothing but disappearing sea foams, a water in heat that evaporates into thin air.

You enclose the hold in Taehyung's hand above your stomach, intertwining them for ease. Falling back into his embrace, he subtly moves away hoping you wouldn't notice. His warmth turning into heat, breathing ragged, hold on you tighter and stronger. Then you feel it, a gentle thrust behind you and he pretends to adjust position. He pulls you closer with the hand on your stomach and you sigh which caused a poking at your butt.

You may not be the smartest person on earth, but it doesn't take a book to know what it was. Taehyung murmurs an apology, his words passing by your neck which sends your stomach into a spiral. You rub your thighs together hoping to dissipate the throbbing in your core, not now.

Not now that Taehyung's beside you. Or maybe it should be now that Taehyung's beside you, you were open for a helping hand. His hand over your head tucks a strand of your hair, the finger brushing on your temple made your aching much harder to ignore. There would be no distraction, no having to worry about who will hear the both of you, for God's sake the house was built in the middle of nowhere, so you thought 'Fuck it.'

You tug his hand to the middle of your chest, to rest them between your breasts as your head turns to face him. He gulps, looking at you intently with lust hovering over his hooded eyes. You lean towards him, your lips reaching his and he pulls away for a second before diving back in. He had pillowy lips, and if it weren't for your hot need at the moment you would let your lips sleep on them for a longer while, but as of right now there are a lot of tensions that need handling.

You leave his hand on your chest while he's still shy to grope one of your breasts. Your hand then wrapping the back of his head to pull him deeper into the kiss, he sighs. That sigh caused the aching to grow, shaking your behind to feel how needy he was and he sighs again. His hand that was on your chest now pushes below the curves of your breasts to pull you closer, to have more friction, to thrust into you.

Until he couldn't take it anymore, he wants you below him as much as you want him on top of you. He hovers above you, his knee swift in spreading your thighs open and he is bucking in a steady pace on your clothed entrance.

"Take me, Taehyung," you breathe the second he leaves your lips.

He takes it slow, burning your insides, as his fingers pull the bow on your chest, untying the effortless knot you had made in the mirror. Too slow to keep up with your throbbing heat, you trail his hand to open the loose front, exposing

your nude bra. His eyes are pinned on yours, and you would make quick glances at his moderate hand you're directing. You unclasp the front of your bra, and when he hears it setting on the bed, he kisses you as if asking if you were really sure. Beneath the feverish endless kiss were words of fear from him, what if he wasn't truly ready.

The last time he had experienced this was long ago, a time before he knew how dangerous he could be. Careless of what his hands could bring, when he hadn't given a single thought for any of his actions. Well, it was one time, only once with the first girl he had ever loved. And the first was always the quickest, but it was unforgettable, he had kept every detail of her daisy fresh skin remembered under his fingertips. The laughs they had shared in between, a significance of the innocence they were about to lose. His head loses in doubts, questions that can only be answered if he risks hurting you tonight.

Then you whisper, "It's okay, you're not going to hurt me." Because in your mind, that was the last thing in his abilities. You smile, "It's okay." Rubbing circles at the back of his trembling hand, his jaw clenches.

Once he had started kissing you again, you parted his lips with your tongue in which he had replied with a tender bite causing you to moan within your throat. This motivates him to grope your breast, aggressing as seconds pass by, pulling a nipple in between his fingers and you arch your back. You rest your feet on his back, synchronizing with the movement of his hips. You admire the way his head moves downward, stopping after every inch of your skin to place a soft kiss until he reaches your breasts to which he places a long stripe lick moving from one bud to another while his eyes remain on yours. He's going to be the death of you.

You pant, trying to reach his hips that came to a halt. His hands pushing the hem of your dress higher, stopping at the middle of your waist. And his evil slow hands, still taking his time, move behind your thighs to pull them away from his back and placing them on his shoulders as he gets comfortable right between them. With gaze pierced on yours, he flats his lips on your clothed slit, tracing the wet spot visible in your white underwear. The thought of you being almost naked underneath the dress ever since earlier brought Taehyung into insanity, he could've fucked you with his fingers on the couch, he could've removed them and left your pussy out in the open as he keeps it in his pocket, he could've done so many things if only he knew earlier how much you'd wanted him just the same.

You look at the empty ceiling, too affected by the darkness in his stare, you were scared you would cum too quickly if you remain watching. He pulls your garment upward to put his bare thumb against your clit, until you couldn't take it and you look down again to see him putting the said thumb in his mouth. Sweeter than the cranberry juice he'd been tolerating to drink, adding that to the list he could've done earlier while your panties were in his pocket; enjoying the sweet fervor of your cunt on his tongue. He plays at your clit, tongue curling to lap up the wetness that increases as his spit mixes in. He knows so well what he's doing, the fragile scoop of his bottom lip from your opening to your clit where he stops.

Everywhere around his lips glistens as the bright light from the hallway outside your room shines upon them. His hands still holding your thighs steady, he slips his tongue inside you which has you shaking and he had to adjust the control in his grip. Once they've settled, he puts his touch above your breasts, flicking both buds in each hand.

You were crumbling under him, desperate for release, grunting in a throaty voice as you tried to keep yourself together. Tears huddle in your eyes, blurring your vision until he stops, now smiling above you while he pulls your underwear away from your body. It doesn't take long for him to get naked and you take time to admire his build. His skin was made of honey, toned and reflective of the warmth he emits. His cock slapping his tummy before he could fully get out of his tight boxers, his tip reaching his button.

He returns to his position between your thighs but this time around he was the one to wrap your legs around his waist. His shaft falls between your slit and he makes subtle movements in burying himself between them.

"I just want to say," he began, "how amazing you are." A gravelly moan of your name escapes his lips as you take matters in your own hand, thumb going over the head of his cock while the rest of your fingers rest wraps his cock.

He thrusts into your hand. His face forming wrinkles, frustration painted across his face. Until he falls on both arms caging your head, bucking for more friction, enjoying the suppleness of your touch. He was groaning, panting, and making a mess of himself to which all echoes from one wall to another. You put a hand on his abdomen to break his movement. He obeys, feeling you part yourself for his cock, torturously slow in entering you.

You pull your hands to your sides, getting a hold of Taehyung's biceps. Opening your lids to watch his pupils dilate as he rams the rest of his length inside your beating entrance.

"Y/n," he groans, brow knotting together when you clench around him. He's going to fall apart, he thought. You wrap him tighter, letting go of yourself in ecstasy, careless whether you melt into the bed or break it, all is well as long as you're looking into his eyes.

He chants your name again and again in a symphony of continuous moaning, and all you could say is how good he sounds. A compilation of ah's and oh's whenever he reaches your spot, his head brushing against it and it felt like nothing but heaven. More, he wants more, if only he could fuck you endlessly he would. The bed hits the wall in coordination of his sharp thrusts, and he's losing himself in you he couldn't care less if he breaks the walls. In sync with the sounds he makes were your gasps and high-pitched whispers of his name that he can see himself in the near future thinking of them and fucking himself alone in his room as he recalls them.

"Tae— oh fuck, Taehyung," you cried out causing his cock to twitch inside you, you call out for more. His name and a couple of curses were the only words you could spew out. Trembling, you feel an explosion of euphoria inside you, letting go of the tight grip around Taehyung's arm.

With one last fluid thrust, he pulls himself out and spills himself on top of your stomach. Both of your breathing slows until they were no longer audible. He rolls to his back beside you waiting to cool down and you take care of yourself by wiping his cum away with the tissue from the nightstand.

"I'm sorry, I made a mess," he says, breaking silence.

You didn't reply, instead you lie on your side to face him and wrap his cock in your warm hand. His cock still hard and wet under your touch, he breathes out a long sigh. "I made a mess of you too."

He chuckles before placing one last kiss on your forehead, and you watch him fall into his dreams. You shut the door, thankful Sylvia didn't come home during the circumstances earlier. You make a note not to leave it open next time.

Next time? Were you actually hoping for a next time? It's not long until you're leaving. Forks is not your home. Your home is on the other side of the country, and everything you grew up with awaits there. Forks is not your home, you tell yourself. The night grows along with your need for sleep, falling onto Taehyung's chest and getting lost in a slumber. You wake to Sylvia opening the door, an indication of her coming home, and you fall asleep again.

The next time you wake up, the sun shining alight from the windows to your eyes, Taehyung was sitting at the end of the bed fully clothed. His head turns slightly, feeling the sense of your waking.

"Y/n, there's not just one who wants to kill you," he says but you couldn't make out a single word, "there's a whole coven of them."

a/n: happy new year! pls dont take the bella comment seriously. also team jacob ftw!!! also appreciate my banner work owo.this is my first descriptive smut like i actually write them having sex idk i hope yall like it tho :* i love y’all! 

[ear-worthy]

The Five Best Podcasts To A Better YOU in 2024

Podcasts can impact our lives in many ways. Some listeners want to escape and be entertained with audio fiction such as Underwater. Some listeners want to laugh and forget their student loans, healthcare co-pays, and escalating rent with a podcast such as How Did This Get Made. Still others, want to be learning things with a podcast like Stuff You Should Know. 

 Podcast listeners are an aspirational bunch. They view life as an ongoing, immersive inquiry in which they learn how to adjust the parameters of the experiment. In short, podcast listeners want to be better people, and they turn to their most familiar and useful resource -- podcasts.

Now, the five podcasts here are not happiness podcasts or self-help podcasts. Why, you say? Happiness is a highly personal endeavor, as is helping yourself. Being a better person has a social and interpersonal focus. In short, your human community is better off with you than without you. 

 There's a group of accounts on TikTok that follow explosions by Karens. It's disheartening and depressing that people act so despicably. Conservative podcasts attack people for being gay, transsexual, drinking a brand of beer they're boycotting, and not calling the NFL's Washington Commanders by their old, racist name. That's dispiriting.

But have no fear, Robert Peterpaul is here. 

The Art of Kindness (AOK) bills itself as "A positively star-studded podcast that converses with and celebrates artists from all areas of the entertainment industry (Film, TV, Broadway, etc.) who use their platform to make the world a better place. Join The AOK as we sprinkle positivity around like confetti and get to the bottom of what kindness really means through compassionate conversations."

In every episode, host Robert Peterpaul elicits tales from Broadway people about how they sprinkle kindness throughout their world. Peterpaul always asks each guest, "What does kindness mean to you?" He also asks guests how they react to people praising them.

Robert Peterpaul is one of those rare hosts who can be so engaging that, as a listener, you say, "I could listen to him for the entire episode."

Peterpaul could probably carry a one-man show on Broadway. I'd call it, "Peterpaul on Kindness." If there was a blackout in New York City, Peterpaul could probably power all of Manhattan with his pent-up, personal energy.

On his 100th episode, Peterpaul interviewed the show business icon Carol Burnett. After all the questions about Burnett's legendary career, Peterpaul asked the most important: "How did Burnett spread kindness in the world?"

Anger is the lubricant of discontent and eventually morphs into violence.  Listen to The Art Of Kindness. Be kind to yourself and to others. My second recomendation is The Open To Debate podcast, which plays a critical role in our society today.

Open to Debate is a call to action: All of us should keep an open mind to solve the complex problems we face as individuals and as a nation.

Open to Debate is a reminder: To solve our greatest problems, we must operate in a contempt-free zone. We need to be able to sit in the same room and exchange ideas with people we disagree with. Being open to debate is a gesture of respect for the good faith arguments of those we disagree with, for the intelligence and integrity of those who watch or listen, and for the value of debate done right.

Open to Debate is a duty: The future of American Democracy depends on the strength of communities to work together and overcome our differences. “Us vs. Them” thinking is destructive to our social fabric, and we need a national model to guide debates to a healthy and free exchange of ideas.

The mission of Open to Debate is to restore critical thinking, facts, reason, and civility to America’s public square. Open to Debate is a platform for intellectually curious and open-minded people to engage with others holding opposing views on complex issues.

Check out Open To Debate. Perhaps you'll have a prejudice exposed or a firmly held belief questioned. 

"The unexamined life is not worth living" is a famous dictum supposedly uttered by the Greek philosopher Socrates at his trial for impiety and corrupting youth, for which he was subsequently sentenced to death.

Open To Debate can help us examine our lives, our beliefs, our biases, and dogmatism.

My third recommendation is Preconceived, which exists to question the current state of affairs. Why are we groomed to accept norms as they are? Are we all destined to go to school, find a stable job, get married, have kids, then enjoy our retirement and older age? Do we hold certain beliefs because we value them, or because someone else told us to? By challenging the paradigms that shape our world view, we discover what we want and why life is worth living. Yes, agency can be overwhelming. 

"But when we simply ask the question 'why', we are free to take control and live our most authentic lives," explains Zale Mednick, the podcast's host, who is a Canadian ophthalmologist with an eye and ear for insightful interviews.

In my interview with Mednick earlier this year, he discussed how preconceived notions hurt us and damage our connection to others.

"Echo chambers and social media have made it easier than ever to not think differently, and to just follow the status quo. I’ve been discouraged at times by the response to certain episodes I’ve recorded. I posted the episode regarding Transgender Athletes with Joanna Harper on our YouTube channel. Furthermore, I thought Joanna spoke very articulately and presented a balanced viewpoint on what many consider to be a controversial topic. Some of the comments to the video were hateful and rude to Joanna, and it was clear that those writing the comments hadn’t even listened to the episode; they just saw the subject line and started typing away."

During the year, episodes of note included reimagining marriage, life extension, the truth about recycling, our attention span, and trends in parenting. Mednick continues: "I think one of the biggest problems in society is that we don’t listen enough. People are often so set in expressing their opinions, that it feels like they aren’t hearing what is being said to them. When observing conversations, whether on the news or in our own lives, it can feel like people aren’t really listening, but just waiting for their turn to interject with what they think." For all the stubbornness out there, there are people who do want to listen, have honest conversations, and just be better people.  

My fourth recommendation relates to our society's inability to adequately address mental health. 

Speaking of Psychology is an audio podcast series highlighting some of the latest, most important, and relevant psychological research being conducted today.

Produced by the American Psychological Association, the objective of these podcasts is to help listeners apply the science of psychology to their everyday lives.

The host of the podcast is Kim Mills, who is the senior director of strategic external communications and public affairs for the American Psychological Association (APA), where she has worked since 2007.

As a host, Mills is as dry as Lake Mead will be soon, with a voice I can only describe as molasses with a touch of gravel. Having made that criticism, let me say that Mills is an incredibly good host. I know what you're thinking. How can both attributes be accurate? 

Easy. Although Mill's voice and sonic demeanor may not trigger a dopamine release, her interviewing skills and her ability to ask bullseye target questions make her superb at unearthing valuable information from the guests. 

For example, the February 1 episode, How to live with bipolar disorder, not only revoked some persistent myths about the disorder via Dr. David Miklowitz but also offered listeners a stark, first-hand account from entertainment lawyer Terri Cheney, who suffers from the disorder. Mills and her guests shake us up with the knowledge that this disorder affects about four percent of the population but is mired in misunderstanding about its symptoms and treatment.

In the category of relevance, the episode called, Can a pathological liar be cured, offered listeners insight into the roots of the misinformation and disinformation that impacts social media and political dialogue. In the episode, the two guests, Dr. Drew Curtis and Dr. Christian L. Hart, explain that pathological liars often display their dishonesty with lies that are too incredible or inconsistent.

The example given is when Republican NY Congressman George Santos claimed his mother died at 9/11, but then later on, claimed she died a decade later. The guests assert that pathological lying should be classified as a mental health disorder. They also note that liars are more prevalent in professions such as sales -- timeshare, anyone? -- or politicians -- hello, my name is Donald Trump.

In the November 2, 2022, episode, Why you should apologize even when it's hard to, Mills interviews Dr. Karina Schumann, who details why apologizing is so important -- hear that, men -- and what makes a good apology. Schumann explains that offering an apology -- even a good one -- does not always mean forgiveness should be expected immediately.

Other recent topics covered include procrastination, living a single, happy life, why we care so much about fairness, and mass shootings.

What makes this podcast accessible to listeners without a psychology degree boils down to Kim Mills as the host, transforming academic blabber into understandable language, and the objective of the podcast, which seems to be using psychology as a valuable tool to interpret and manage our lives.

Check out Speaking of Psychology. You do not need a degree in psychology to listen. Just an open mind. 

My fifth recommendation is a podcast that refreshingly addressed the mistakes we make in life. What's even more surpsising is that the show spoke to a different celebrity every episode about the mistakes they've made. 

Consider what Albert Einstein once said about mistakes: “A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.”

People mess up all the time. We all do. That's why I'm excited about this podcast about screwing up royally.

 Interval Presents, Warner Music Group’s (WMG) in-house podcast network, released its new seriesin July called, Yeah, I F*cked That Up.

The interview series premiered with featured guests Kelly Rowland and Steven Van Zandt.

I listened to every episode but the first two episodes were so fresh and elegant in their narrative about "what I've would have different."

In Rowland's case, she is frank about her regret of not speaking up more as the group, Destiny's Child, went through personnel changes. Van Zandt reflects on leaving the E Street Band too early in his career.  Both episodes illustrate the need for greater reflection in our culture of past missteps.

The maestro here is the podcast's host is Grammy-nominated hitmaker Billy Mann, who has produced and written songs for some of the world’s most well-known musicians over the course of his 25+ year career. 

Mann dazzles as he carefully guides his guests through their journey of self-reflection. When you're a podcast host, and you're interviewing a guest about how they became a billionaire, you just ask a few perfunctory questions and enjoy the ride.

When you're talking to a guest about mistakes, screw-ups, or decisions they'd take back, the journey can get bumpy. Thankfully, Mann is a pilot who navigates the show even in the most intense storms.

Inspired by his personal experiences, host Mann delves into the humanity behind success in Yeah, I F*cked That Up, stripping away the polished exterior to explore stories of failure, redemption, and personal growth. In the episodes, Mann engages with a diverse lineup of famous guests who have weathered their fair share of struggles and professional setbacks during their careers. 

The full guest lineup included Kelly Rowland, Steven Van Zandt, Renée Elise Goldsberry, L.A. Reid, Liz Gillies, Aly & AJ, Hari Kondabolu, Evan Handler, Jill Kargman, Peter Asher, and Chely Wright. According to Warner Music, "Yeah, I F*cked That Up aims to inspire, enlighten and entertain listeners with candid and revealing conversations as they learn from the brightest stars’ best—and worst—experiences building endurance on the way to the top." 

“In a small screen world of autotuning faces and voices where we tend to only post our highlights, my goal in creating this show is to remind listeners that it’s actually the scary, vulnerable moments of self-doubt and failure that often turn out to be the best breeding ground for growth and success,” expressed host Billy Mann.

Listen to Yeah, I F*cked That Up here. 

I listed this podcast last because it dredges up a key insight about life. Even if we don't make any major mistakes, we can better ourselves, make life better for others, and make the world a better place. 

And, if you want to know what your 2024 will be like, check out the  Psychic Scoop with Spirit Sis podcast. The Psychic Medium Steffi can delve into the forces influencing matters of love, career, and unforeseen cosmic surprises. 

"Let me see the palm of your hand. Yes, I see it all so clearly now. I can see your podcast feed. Hey, why are there not more indie podcasts on your feed?"