#we made this for adults

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[beinganautismgirl]

this

This.

THIS.

THIS.

THIS.

This!!!!!!

(also, to everyone getting on my case about not reblogging or reposting, I actually tried to find this Tumblr after I found the post on Pinterest and it doesn't exist anymore, so shut up and get off my back 🙃)

[littlefankingdom]

I feel like everytime the batkids are together in the comics and Bruce tells them to not do something, just after he left, Dick turns to his siblings to be like "So, what we do here is never listen to B. So we are going to do it." and one of them will be like "This is not going to end well.", and they follow Dick in the danger Bruce told them to stay away from.

It's incredible how Bruce still trust Dick SO MUCH when he is pulling this bs ALL THE TIME.

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

[lazylittledragon]

ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:

i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???

[forwomenbiwomen]

Sometimes it just makes me deeply, helplessly angry that we don't even have a word for women that doesn't originate from "wife man". And then I get into a spiral of realising over again just how powerful language is, and how immensely saturated it is with both subtle and overt misogyny. And THEN I get into a spiral of how unbelievably long "women" have been subjected to misogyny that we literally don't have a word for women that doesn't position us as property of men.

[cubbihue]

What does Timmy think of his little brother Peri growing up to have a neurotic personality?

Peri's always had severe anxiety. It sorta comes with being the first baby born in a 1000 years and constantly being kidnapped by everyone around you.

Timmy's just glad Peri grew up to be more confident in himself, and more assertive.

Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

[littlecrittereli]

Guardianship au,,,,,save me guardianship au,,,,,,,

If you don’t mind the questions, how’d the Tortuga gang react to Chris tagging along? I assume they understood Chris would be joining them early on into Martin being accepted, but I imagine the situation was more like. Martin snagging a new job on the Tortuga >> realizing he can’t take this job and leave his brother alone >> Chris says don’t worry just take me with you >> Martin nervously asking heyyyyyyyy is it cool if my little brother comes with?

Obviously everyone had to be cool with it eventually, but do you know what Aviva, Koki, and Jimmy had going through their heads when a mildly emo, 14yo Chris rolled in with a deeply anxiety-ridden Martin?

This is kinda the awkward phase of the team's relationship where they know Martin is struggling, but he's not willing to let them help just yet.

The second Chris finds out about the Tortuga it becomes his life-mission to convince Martin to let him go on the trip (it will not be difficult at all to convince him)

Martin is just hesitant because he wants to make sure he's not being selfish in his decision to join the team. Of course Chris wants to go too, but Martin is trying to think of his best interest.

Of course, he eventually realizes that the team genuinely cares about them and he's willing to let them help out with Chris, and then the found-family can commence!!!

[lucky-fy]

made it gayer

[brynn-lear]

yandere half-dog!Gallagher and forgetful farmer!reader au medium effort doodles before I start my day lol.

Edit: more dog gallagher content here

Short additional brainrots:

(Y/n)'s family has a long history of adopting hounds, even including them in their family tree.

Initially, they have no plans on getting a dog. They can manage the farm just fine and was not interested in investing on livestock (chickens, sheep, cows, etc.) They're not confident enough in their abilities to raise an animal.

??? once belonged to another Family, which unfortunately treated him poorly. He was not given a name. There was a period in the summer wherein his owners forgot to give him water, and when he did hear the sound of liquid trickling down— he cringed at the taste. He still doesn't know if they were trying to kill him, but from them on, he loathed the taste of SoulGlad.

Needless to say... (Y/n)'s old man was surprised when they brought home a "mutt".

“He looks like he's dying. Pops, can't you help me out?”

“I thought you hate animals...”

“I just stink at taking care of 'em.” (Y/n) sighed. “Please? Poor thing looks like it's on its last leg.”

To this day, Gallagher isn't sure what exactly compelled them to help him. Even when asked, (Y/n) would say they forgot their own reasons behind taking him in. Perhaps he was just that pitiful— or maybe their (L/n) traits finally got to them. He's eternally grateful either way.

And so...

Gallagher gazed at the (L/n) Family tree, caressing his and (Y/n)'s image.

“Hey Master, ya don't have any plans on getting another hound, do ya?”

“Please, you're already a handful, Woos— Gallagher. I don't need another one.”

He grinned, eyes not straying away from the painted walls.

“Good.” He closed his eyes.

“Wouldn't want to share you with anyone else, y'know.”

(Y/n) laughed. “For an old dog, you seem like a clingy young pup.”

Gallagher nodded, savoring their voice. Refreshing, just like cold water on a warm day. You claimed that he's acting like a puppy, but when he was young? He was a biter. Not exactly the loving kind. It was best that you met him when he was already all grown up.

“Well... Perhaps that's just a sign I never got a chance to being one... But when I'm with you, I'm...”

He shook his head.

“Nevermind. What's the agenda for today, Master?”

[tulliok]

Rare little MLP rant from me incoming. (I don't like talking about my opinions on the show too much.)

I'm getting really fed up with a "debate" that keeps popping up every month in MLP's online fandom regarding the character, Cozy Glow, and how the show ended her storyline. The discourse is specifically about if her actions and motivations warranted her being sentenced to what is the equivalent of capital punishment in a children's show. 

This shouldn't even be a conversation.? Why are fans so eager to subscribe to the show's logic that a child character is irredeemable and evil and deserves to be punished that way? Like, are these fans not seeing the issue with a children's show about friendship and redemption having a storyline like this in the first place? Especially in the season that is literally about a friendship school.

The entire concept is the problem. It's ok to admit that as a fan. Watching the show's protagonists gleefully punish a young child is distasteful. Reading threads and think pieces on why it's actually ok is gross.

I have so so so many issues with season 8-9 but I'm really only willing to talk about it if I am asked about it.

[toytulini]

listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.

yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?

maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".

get a better joke

[laniidae-passerine]

positively obsessed with how Rockstar Lestat is the exact kind of guy one of my friends would show me a picture of and swear he’s really sexy and cool and brilliant. Whole time I’m thinking “oh dear GOD” staring at a trainwreck weirdo and wondering what’s happened to everybody else that is absolutely missing me. jesus christ he’s blond

[choccy-milky]

i made seb and clora in dragons dogma 2 and i need to show everyone how cute they are...seb is in his ultimate guard dog form here, i love how protective and bitchy he looks LMAOO. and when you jump off a high enough cliff your party members will catch you, so you best believe i did that just for the photo op🤪seb is cursed to constantly bridal carry clora in EVERY universe 🥰BAHAHA also speaking of making clora in video games, I FOUND MY FIRST RENDITION OF HER BACK IN 2015

LIKE DAMN i been makin this bitch for 9 years....those bloodborne graphics were crusty af tho im sorry clora LMFAO at least you got the glowup you deserve my queen👑👑

[telesilla]

Not gonna go out on this limb on a 25k post, but maybe it’s okay that kids today don’t know as much about using an actual computer as we do/did? Is it useful knowledge? Of course it is. So is using a sewing machine or being able to rebuild your VW with a copy of that one book every VW driver used to have. That’s not the right question—most practical knowledge is useful after all. The question should be “is it relevant to the way people live right now.” “How to Keep Your VW Alive” is a timeless fucking classic; my ex and I kept our copy long after he sold his VW. But I’m not buying a copy now because it won’t exactly help me keep my VW ID4 on the road.

And it’s funny, because I tend to read along with those posts and nod my head, because back in my day we HAD to know all that computer stuff. And then for some reason today, I remembered a conversation my mom and I had with my grandma in the mid 70s when I was a teenager. Grandma made my mom’s wedding dress. She worked at a department store doing alterations on foundation wear, which if you look at 1950s foundation wear, you’ll realize was both necessary and difficult. So she was shocked when I said most of my friends didn’t know their way around a sewing machine. “But how do you make sure your clothes fit?!” Well, Grandma, people don’t wear heavy foundation wear any more and clothes don’t need to be as tailored as they did back in the day—it’s 1975 and the only alterations I need to do is hemming my flares so they just touch the floor when I’m wearing platforms.

Now you can back up and look at the broader picture, the one that says, but your car should be repairable by you as long as you have clear instructions, and you should be able to alter your clothes or make your own, and yes, you should know how to organize the files on the desktop of your laptop. But the fact that for the most part it’s become easier and easier to just not do those things (if they can be done at all) isn’t exactly the fault of Kids Today. And it’s certainly not meeting them where they are or even trying to understand why they feel they don’t need that knowledge if, instead of looking at why they don’t have it and maybe even don’t need it, you just decry their lack of the Deep Wisdom.

[blueskittlesart]

at a certain point i think we need to acknowledge that art is very rarely created accidentally. if you can see a theme in a work than that theme was, more likely than not, at least somewhat intentional on behalf of the creator. you don't put a piece of yourself out into the world without thinking about what it means at least a little bit.