#we moved over a year and a half ago but theres still a couple of room with piles of boxes

[blanketburritotoro]

*leaving for work*

*can't find car keys*

*is now late for work*

*texts supervisor apologizing and explaining*

*keeps looking for keys*

*over two and a half hours go by*

*panic attack*

*calls off work*

My boss: "Yeah ok, as long as you have the leave to use. Seems like you need to have less anxiety."

Cheers Dave, I'll try that next.

[neon-knights-mercenary-company]

For both Rowan and Ags, from that latest ask game:

1, 5, 8, and 10, plus the additional questions of "What’s the thing they’re into that they’re most embarrassed/conflicted about?" (Hobbies, interests, kinks, etc)

( @is-the-battlemech-cool-or-not )

1. What is the character’s go-to drink order? (this one gets into how do they like to be publicly perceived, because there is always some level of theatricality to ordering drinks at a bar/resturant)

R: context, baybe! Am i at a merc bar? Timbiqui Dark. I hate the stuff to be honest, but one has to keep up appearances.

Drinking on someone else's dime? Call me old fashioned, but i do enjoy an Old Fashioned. I like'em fixed with maraschino, and give the glass a spritz of absinthe before you pour. Fun fact: a surprising number of bartenders dont know that maraschino is a liqueur, and put a bouquet of fuckin cherries in your drink. Tha dinguses.

At home? I'll keep it simple, usually some combo of soda + spirits. Im particuarly fond of sasparilla and Yukon Jack.

A. I enjoy my drinks hot, not cold. Coffee with tequilla, hot coco with tequilla, tea with tequilla... you get the picture.

5. What was the last time they cried, and under what circumstances? (Good way to get some *emotional* backstory in.) 

R: my pride wants me to say it was at my mamma's teat, but... nah, lets drop the kayfabe for a sec and be real here. I cry, a whole fuckin' lot more than i admit, and nowhere near as much as i should. We joke and pal around and measure our dicks at each other, but in the end? We kill people. We visit incredible violence on our fellow human beings, and that should take a toll. And if it ever stops taking a toll? Its time to retire.

That doesn't exactly answer the question, so... last time i cried was a few nights ago. @is-the-battlemech-cool-or-not was gettin' me up to speed on the hundred years of history i missed out on, and i managed to hold it all together till i got back to my bunk. And then i broke down sobbing. Part of that was just, pent up stress from the goddamn meatgrinder of the Clan invasion. I lost almost everything- the war, half our company, nearly everyone we knew outside of that shitty ass Invader that misjumped us here.

But hell, y'know what? Ive still got that other half of my company. I still have Agata and Joana, i still got most of Fursona's Fusiliers around. Hell, i'm even reignitin' something with Remus... look, all those good things, that ive still got? Cried for that, too. It aint all gotta be tears of sorrow, you can cry for the good things too.

A: August 20th, 3028. Got pepper sprayed at Melissa and Hanse's wedding.

8. Describe the place where they sleep. (ie what does their safe space look like. How much (or how little) care / decoration / personal touch goes into it.)

R: whoo boy. Just cleared out ol' Ronnie's quarters on the Pony. Its not got much decoration yet, just the barebones cot and whatnot. Lots of stab marks in the walls and furniture from when i get bored...Kept his desk though- solid oak, from Samantha. And uhh... maybe a couple of pinups of Kamea Arano... and Candace Liao... and Hanse Davion... and-

A: Like Rowan, I've just moved quarters- her old room in fact, since I'm the XO now. I have my rock collection up on some shelves I put in- I like to get one rock from each celestial body I visit, unique if possible. Theres also stab marks all over the place that I'm filling in, thanks for that by the way Rowan.

10. What objects do they always carry around with them? (What do they need for their normal, day-to-day routine? What does ‘normal’ even look like for them.) 

R: Pistol, hormones, sunglasses. In that order.

A: I no longer have my katana from my time in the DCMS, but I do still have the wakizashi that paired with it. I still wear it, for luck.

Bonus: What’s the thing they’re into that they’re most embarrassed/conflicted about? (Hobbies, interests, kinks, etc. Gets into self-image vs how they want to be perceived vs what compels them anyway, plus backstory.)

R: Conflicted, specifically. The tough-as-nails merc persona is... its hard to keep up sometimes. I want to be vulnerable around those I love, but i have trouble turning the macho down. Its paid in dividends, over the years, in bonus c-bills made and fights avoided, but it's also taken its toll on me. And... i didnt let myself feel what i wanted to feel around someone who i now realized i loved- and still love- very much.

A: Sometimes, on my worst nights, I- I still think about my time in the DCMS. And its like I'm still there, never left, and couldnt leave if I wanted. And I dont feel scared or trapped by my superiors or my culture, or horrified by the things I'd done for the Combine. I dont feel anything but mild pride and nostalgia. I don't like those being the things I feel about that time.

[daffodilfool]

Diary Entry.

Wednesday 04-10-2023

It's spooky month

i missed the first couple days but god damnit who cares

I keep this diary for ME and MYSELF ONLY!

i had a thought this morning which i dont know how to feel about it

i find a strange comfort in knowing the last thing ill ever remember is Outer Wilds

when im 90 years old and riddled with alzheimers and dementia and i've forgotten who i am, who my friends and family are, and everything ive ever made, i will still cry when i hear the calm guitar of timber hearth and the rushing water of the geysers

theres a tumblr post i think of from time to time, while its not exactly a poem in the traditional sense i do think it would be fair to call it such

"I hate it when I can't even write a poem about something because it's too obvious. Like in the aribnb I was at I guess it used to be a kid's room cause you could see the imprint of one little glow in the dark star that had been missed and painted over in landlord white. Like that's the poem already what's the point? You get it. You get the themes. I don't have time to do it justice. Just look at it. It's on the ceiling."

[Permalink to the tumblr post]

theres a lot of stuff like this

i too have a painted over glow in the dark star in my room

well

a chunk of it

the adhesive stuck to the wall so well we couldnt get it off and the arm snapped leaving only the tip glued to the wall

i still see it through the paint sometimes and wonder if someone in the future will see it and think about it when we eventually move out of the house

fossils too

a living being from millions of years ago frozen in time, quite literally set in stone

as little as a half mandible is enough to reconstruct an entire animal and its life

the lives of those around it

here we are, millions of years later, fawning over a rock with an odd shape

we give it life

we give it personality

we study every inch of its remains all to craft a story of the unknowable world before us

part of it is pursuit of knowledge, sure

but deep down do we really ponder the past because WE want to?

or do we remember the lost souls who have slumbered within the earth for eons to keep the memory of those who are no longer with us alive

Death in life is the death of the body, yes, but so long as you've made a mark, any mark, any sign of your existance, did you ever truly die?

Outer Wilds is poetic

it drives us to find out the dreams and goals of the Nomai

and we say we do it because we want to figure out the mystery

but if it really was just that, how come i still think about Outer Wilds despite knowing everything that happened

to the Nomai

to the Hearthians

to the Owlks

I'm done with Outer Wilds

I've done everything

theres nothing more for me to learn

and yet i keep returning to the game

if for no other reason than to simply say hi to the Hearthians

and to honour the dreams of the Nomai

and to help the Prisoner move on

why is it that when i open the game i spend my first 10 minutes simply standing in the middle of the town and listen to the rushing waterfall and the soothing music

and why is it that when i hear the banjo and the crackles of the Hatchlings campfire get lit, I cry?

by the time im old

when my brain has rotted

i will be looking through everything ive ever written

everything ive ever said

ill be looking through this very diary

you wont remember me

you wont remember baba

you wont remember thyme, or ava, or nessie, or ash

you wont remember your sister, your dog, your mom or dad

you wont remember all the poems you wrote

you wont remember all the drawings you did

you wont remember all the characters you've spent so much time playing with and putting in silly situations

you wont remember the nomads

you wont remember the Janitor

but I know for a fact that whoever is taking care of you by then will put on the theme of Outer Wilds

and i know for a fact that you will remember

You'll shed a tear, and it will be the product of every piece of art you've experienced, everyone you've ever cared about, everything that has had an impact on you, molded you and changed you as a person.

In that moment, though you may not remember me, you'll know that we're still the same person.

Deep down I know you're aware that, despite everything,

I love you.

[lostacelonnie]

Hey no worries i have to interact with people i dont wanna all the time & have to take a moment & not be like that myself. Oh shit its school time already? Maybe some will know but the beauty is that eventually you reach a point where nobody will who you dont want to so fuck it we ball on that one. Lakeside beaches are also very good i think mt fuji in japan has some like. Lakeside beaches that offer a good view of it & i wanna see that. Im not sure what the definition of fancier english words is here but mostly you dont need them in my experience anyways. Even specific words have workarounds. Ah so making it easier & more generic but not going into the details like they used to. Thats a shame especially with how confusing english can get. I went one town over a week or two ago & it was 108 F, or 42 c i had to convert that, at like 8 at night i was dying. Totally fair sometimes knowing when to hold off is best & its nice to enjoy stuff later for certain things. Turned out i had enough for 2 ten pulls but kafka came home on the first so my luck got burned for a bit i think. Cant wait to use her. The story is interesting but ive been having. So much fun diving in fontaine i ignored the story for a whole day. Good luck on your gear maxing & eventual ender dragon fight! Ah yes a tough choice. That i guess boils down to how much you like your family. So good luck on that decision as well! Oh please do! I found a purple that should work with my hair just need to use it when i have time. I would like to grind more but it kills my phone battery. Oh i got sampo too but i dont think i need to worry about building yet. So no artifact grind for me. The aeons are conceptually really cool & i cant wait for more simulated universe. When i get back to it. So many side quests. My brain is a sponge for fish facts mostly. Its weird. Like antarctic sponges are theorized to live so long because the low temperature & high pressure slow their aging dramatically

thanks ahdfkjg i appreciate it. it is indeed school time already! i start in just under a week but the beginning of the school year is pushed back this year bc september 1st is on a friday so its starting on the 4th instead! yippee! and yeah defo but luckily the people who already know, that being my mother and a couple friends, are very chill about it so even More fuck it we ball. yeah im pretty sure it does but not completely certain. speaking of which maybe ill go see mt fuji if i end up traveling more when older. and well its hard to explain shdfj i mostly mean like, rarer words used, for example, in poetry, or more specific words, lets say the parts of a ship- which, yes, i DO know the basic ones, but theres a couple that i only know the polish equivalent of [for example, a dziób is called a prow! i had to look that up!]. but yeah it doesnt really hinder my day to day understanding of the language, its just occasionally mildly annoying. and yeah it is like that but oh well. GOOD LORD 42C????? id just Perish. the moment it starts getting uncomfortable for me is like 27c [80f]. yeah ill see What Life Brings!! and oh congrats!!! tbh i didnt really have the energy to play star rail recently sjdnflgk but at least i converted that time into actually drawing so id say its for the better. and oh cool!!! im back in warsaw so ill probably check it out any day now sjdkfjm if im not too busy with rain world that is. god i love rain world. and thank you!!!! its extremely funny bc while ive liked minecraft for YEARS now i never actually ended up beating the game cos i have an unfortunate tendency to abandon saves.... but ill try to finally do it. beat the fake gamer allegations. i do actually like my family, or at least my mother since im not really close with my half siblings [all adults, also 2 outta 3 dont moved out of poland] or the rest [live like half the country away] so yeah i still have to think about it. anyway, dye update: i actually managed to do it! finally. thank god. and oh i feel you, my phone was dying bc of memory so i play on pc now. best decision of my life tbh. YEAHHH im so curious about them...... SWARM DISASTER GAME MODE SOON THO....... AND EPIC thats so cool!!! i love hearing fish facts knowing damn well im Not going to remember anything

[cigaretterry]

i just... i really hate men.

theres this guy i hooked up with like a fucking year ago now and it went... its so complicated to explain but just it didnt go well and the fall out after was rlly bad and emotional and he treated me rlly shitty.

anyway we ended up talking about it and apologized to each other and agreed to move on (multiple times... bc we, but especially him, seem to be unable to fully let it go smh). we agreed to just forget it and act like it never happened, again multiple times. and the last time we talked about it we said THIS was gonna be the last time we're done putting it to rest we're fully going to be normal w each other and he said he wanted to be friends.

but he just still... cant treat me like a normal person. hes either flirting with me, or avoiding me and acting awkward. im just so tired of it being weird. ive tried rlly hard to forgive him for the past and feel like i finally have now and try rlly hard to be normal and friendly and get along, but i feel like he keeps us in this cycle of weirdness.

one thing that irritates me (but also flatters me ngl) is that he acts jealous anytime he perceives me to be flirting with another man. a couple months ago i, according to him, said "hi" to another guy in a "flirty tone" and it turned into him accusing me of wanting to fuck that guy IN FRONT OF HIM. we started arguing in front of this poor dude 😭 which is is just so ridiculous i cant even wrap my mind around it.

last week im talking to the same guy he accused me of wanting to have sex with, and the guy i hooked up with walks into the bar we're at. hes just glaring at us from one seat over and the guy tried to say hi to him, but he was extremely rude and just kept glaring at us and making nasty faces. the guy asked him to come say hey and he said "no." and just kept glaring and making nasty faces in a super obvious manor. the guy i was talking with said "this is weird... im feeling rlly uncomfortable." then got up and left. then the guy i hooked up w came over to me and hugged me and asked if that guy and i had been talking shit about him (like girl why tf would we be talking about you) and proceeded to hit on me the rest of the night.

yesterday he came into my job and i went to give him a goodbye hug when he was leaving (which we almost always do when we see each other) and he made a screwed up face and said "you and your hugs..." but not in a joking manor he seemed genuinely disgusted and annoyed and then gave me the most reluctant hug in history as if he isnt the one initiating the hugging half, if not most, of the time. like. okay.

[myafterlifeisbetterthenyours]

Stella with owl demon S/O (The finale)

(This is the last chapter in the secret lover mini-series. If your just finding it, go back and read the full series. Its a fairly long story.) Hope you enjoy~

Years of meticulous planning. Manipulation, blackmail and manoeuvring. And all for this one day.

It had almost been a year since Stolas cheated on Stella, almost a year since You and Stella had become a less than secret couple. And today you were going official.

It had been simple getting information on Stolas.

A few cameras here, a tapped phone line there, not to mention half the staff was on your pay roll. They gave you all the information you could need, you taking any information, no matter how minor.

Honestly, Stella coming to you was a pleasant surprise. You did have this grand plan in place, a plan to split the family at its seams.

And in an instant, Stolas' incompetence had saved you months of work. And so Stolas' arrogance, shall be his undoing.

Over the last year, youd had dozens of visits. Spending months carefully prodding the couple, if you could still call them that. You pushed the wedge between them deeper and deeper, all for today.

You strolled into the palace like it were your second home, a small wicker basket hanging from his arm.

Navigating the halls, you found yourself in the palace kitchen, or at least the one the family had used the most.

Grabbing a set of glasses, you turned to find Octavia sitting at the table. 'Octavia, dear, how are you.' You asked, sounding as overjoyed as you felt.

She looked up at you with dead eyes, 'How do I look.' She asked sarcasticly. And honestly, the girl looked like she hadn't slept in a week.

Sitting down you gave her a sympathetic look. 'Fight?' You asked simply.

She just nodded, taking a sip of coffee.

You sighed, placing your hand on hers. 'What about the white noise machine I got you, that help any?' You asked hopefully.

Octavia sighed 'It helped a little, but they both managed to yell over it.' She told you, rubbing her face.

You sighed again, reaching into your pocket. You pulled out a fist sized stone. 'Here' you told her, handing her the stone.

Octavia stared at the stone for several moments, before looking up to you, blinking heavily a few times, 'Uhhhh... thanks?' She said, clearly confused.

You let out a chuckle, resting your head on your hand. 'Your welcome.'

The girl stared at the stone, before looking back at you 'what is it?' She asked simply.

You laughed again, 'Well it was going to be a birthday present, but it would seem you need it more now.'

Picking up the stone you gently tapped its top, a complex Web of symbols growing across it. Tapping it once more the symbols disappeared.

Octavia looked much more interested now, as you explained it to her. 'This bad boy, is what you'd call a noise sponge. When activated, it basically sucks all the noise out of a room.'

Octavia stood up, 'Really?' She asked seemingly excited. With a smile you told her 'See for yourself' you told her before tapping the top of the stone.

Octavias mouth moved, but no noise seemed to leave. She spoke again and again, each time seemingly getting louder and louder, before taking a deep breath.

Her mouth stretched and her body moved as though she were screaming, but there was no sound whatsoever.

Tapping the stone, sound noticably re-entered the room.

Octavia panted, before giggling like... well a school girl. Picking up the stone, you handed it to her.

Octavia stared at the stone, getting up, you followed her. 'Now remember this. That's not a toy. Its a powerful artefact, so don't use it longer than needed, and no sound can be heard when activated, be careful where you use it.'

Octavia just nodded her head, her eyes never leaving the stone. 'Thanks (y/n)' she told you giving a big hug.

'No problem kiddo.' You told her patting her back and planting an affectionate kiss atop her head.

Leaving the room you reflected on your growing friendship with Octavia.

She truly was an amazing young woman, a spitting image of her mother, if a bit cynical. She had a deep fascination for the occult, something you were more than happy to help her explore.

The two of you had actually become pretty close, having talked and met up dozens of times. You acted as a confidant, and a suspected, only friend for the girl.

You didn't like manipulating the girl, but it was quite easy to sour her relationship with her father, you really only had to bring focus to his selfish nature.

Of course, that didn't mean she was running to Stella's side, but her trust in stolas was cracked.

So with some pep in your step, you made your way to Stella's study, giving polite and playful little bows to the palace staff.

Youd worked hard to become beloved by the staff, acting as sort the "good noble" that looked out for them. At least for the ones not ready on your payroll.

You found her study. Giving your outfit a once over you knocked on the door. Stella snapped back, telling you to go away.

You released a bitter-sweet laugh, you opened the door, 'Are you fucking d-' Stella yelled before cutting yourself off.

'Hello darling.' You said calmly. In an instant she got to her feet, rushing over and wrapping you in a hug.

You pulled her into a kiss, locking the two into a passionate embrace. Breaking the kiss, you asked her tenderly 'How are you doing, my love?'

You'd gotten very good at telling when Stella was upset and when she was trying to hide it, and now she was certainly upset.

'How am I doing? Oh you know, I've had to deal with my slut of a husband and that... fucking Imp! For months now.' She growled, taking several heavy breaths before turning back to you. 'Other then that, I'm fine.'

You gave her a sympathetic smile, before remembering why you were here. 'Well, then I have just the thing.' You told her, giving the basket a little shake.

You pulled her towards the door, Stella resisting. 'Lets go play' you tell her playfully.

'No, I can't' she tells you, resisting your pull 'I have to much work to do.' She said clearly upset at the reality of royal responsibility.

Pulling her close, you looked her in the eyes before firmly telling her 'Do you trust me?' You asked her sternly.

That seemed to surprise her, before she just nodded her head. 'Then we should do this... trust me'

Stella conceded, letting you lead her out of the palace.

Walking out the back of the palace, you passed the field she had once burnt to ash, now regrown into a healthy and lush lawn.

Taking her into the clearing, you layed out the blanket you'd brought in the basket.

Sitting down, you pulled out the bottle of wine. Pulling the cork, you poured you both a glass. Sitting there you both fell silent, a weight hanging over your head.

You turned to her, looking deep into her eyes, you told her calmly. 'Stella, theres nothing in this world I love more then you...' taking your hand, you placed a kiss atop it.

'I'm sorry... I'm sorry I was never good enough for you...' you told her, emotion growing in your voice.

She looked deeply concerned, asking you 'what do you mean?'

You shook your head. 'The truth is. All I've ever wanted was to be with you...' you looked at your hands, 'I had such plans to Get you back, to prove I deserved you. But stolas seems to have ruined everything... You deserve better and I'm going to give it to you.' You looked up at her, 'I love you Stella.'

Looking at Stella, she looked distraught, teary eyed as she pulled you close. 'I love you too (Y/N).' There was a long pause before she whispered in your ear, 'I wish I had been with you... all those years ago'

Her words put everything together, a wave of determination flowing through you. With your purpose secured, you pulled her into a passionate kiss.

The two of you became more physical, your hands roaming her body. Stella's arms wrapped around your neck. You becaming more passionate, Stella matching your energy at every step.

It was as you undid the back of her dress that you heard it... he was here.

Giving her another kiss you asked her, 'Do you trust me?' Your breathing still raged.

It took a moment, but Stella responded 'Yes, Yes I trust you...' With that you kiss her again, carefully readjusting her dress.

It took another moment, but you heard him. 'Well, well, what do we have here?' The voice was cold, clearly unhappy.

Breaking the kiss, you looked up to find a very angry looking Stolas staring down at you.

You carefully pushed Stella off, giving her a more innocent kiss on her cheek. 'Go play somewhere.' You whispered, standing up.

You turned to face Stolas. The prince was absolutely livid, tapping his fingers on his forearm.

'Stolas! My what a pleasant surprise. What can I do for you?' That was a lie. You specifically picked this spot, at this time because you knew he would see the two of you.

All according to plan.

Stolas spat back, 'Don't talk to me like that you bastard. Trying to fuck my wife. In my own home, do you have no shame.'

You couldn't help but begin laughing. You gripped your legs, laughing so hard it was hard to breath.

Straightening up you looked at Stolas, allowing years of venom to show. 'Shame?' You asked incredulously, 'Your asking me if I have shame?' You chuckled again. 'Pot meet kettle.' You spat at him

Dusted yourself off. 'Shame...?' You spat, through gritted teeth. 'Youre asking me if I have shame? You speak of your lust before your child. Plastering the hellnet with your lust for that satan-damned Imp, Fucking that Hellspawn in the bed, you shared with your Wife. You know nothing of shame, you harlot!' You finished almost screaming.

Stolas grit his teeth, his hands dropping to his side. The weather began to shift.

The once clear sky quickly being replaced with a ocean of grey clouds.

'You think you can take my wife?' He asked seriously. Your smile grew, taking a few steps towards him, smugness growing across your face. 'Think? My good man... I already have.' you tell him simply.

With a flick of his claw Stolas manifested his Grimoire.

In a flash you reached into your coat, pulling out a silver lock and throwing it at the Grimoire.

Almost immediately on impact, dozens of silver vines shot out, wrapping around the book.

Stolas, initially shocked tried to open the book, the lock on its cover not budging against his grip.

He looked up at you, pissed and clearly expecting 'That little item,' you began 'ensures that your little book won't affect the outcome of our little fight, Stolas.'

You smirk at him 'Now' you began 'you'll just have to fight me like a man.'

Stolas seemed both concerned and enraged by this, throwing the book to the side. 'You think I'm scared of you?'

He reached for his cloak, dramatically throwing it to the side.

You just chuckled, cracking your knuckles, the demonic Prince charged, swinging at you.

You easily dodged.

'My, how impressive!' you said, mockingly.

Stolas swung again, and again, missing each time. 'Come on I don't have all day!' You called at him smugly.

Stolas went for a violent haymaker, missing again. This time you retaliated with a hard punch to his nose, hearing a crack apon your fist meeting his face.

He stumbled back, blood dripped from his nose as you taunted him further.

'You know I had such an elaberate plan, Stolas.' You told him, taking out a shiny set of knuckle dusters from back pocket. 'I had every step perfectly worked out, all to turn your family against you.'

Stolas, became enraged, blindly charging at you. You easily dodgeing him, giving him a violent crack to his face.

'And then you, you fool... you did most of the job for me... half my plan, unneeded because you were a selfish, arrogant fool.'

Stolas made it to his feet, his left eye already swelling. He widened his eyes, likely intending to turn you to stone, but before he could, you reached into your pocket and threw a handful of dust at him.

The silver dust shone as it flew through the air, his reaction was instant. Falling to his knees clutching his face.

You chuckled, leaning on your knees for a second, 'When Judas betrayed jesus.' You began.

'He received 30 pieces of silver, as such its toxic to demons. And now it's your payment for all suffering you've put your family through.' You told him, blankly, no emotion in your voice.

'Years, Stolas. I've been preparing for this fight for years. I've played this moments out hundreds, thousands of times. Nothing you can do I havent prepared for.' You wiped your lip, standing up straight. 'Your going to lose.'

You were taunting him now, relishing seeing him suffer.

Reaching down, you grabbed his hair, pulling him up. It was as you were about to taunt him again that you were suddenly punched in the face.

Stumbling back, you found stolas getting to his feet. Wiping his eyes he glared at you, 'You think I'm some push over? I'm a prince! I am a Goetia, I'm not gonna be taken down by some retched lowborne.' He screeched, raising his fists.

You just smiled back, wiping your cheek 'Finally... a real fight.'

The fight was a brutal, Stolas, despite his lanky figure and privileged upbringing, could pack one hell of a punch.

But you were prepared for this.

For every hit Stolas landed, you hit him twice. Every use of magic was thwarted with an item or counter spell. You were almost perfectly matched.

Almost.

You stood across from each other, fists bloody, clothes filthy and torn, bruised and battered.

Still a smile adorned your face. Chuckling, you began 'you've put up one hell of a fight, Stolas.' You said as though remembering something. 'But even if you beat me, I still win!' You told him smugly.

Stolas cocked his brow, 'what are you going on about.' You smiled again, before reaching into your jacket before you pulling out a long white feather.

'Stella, your uh, "wife"...'you ran the feathered across your nose, taking in her lingering scent. 'We've been fucking for the past year now.' You chuckled again 'we fucked everywhere, her study... your bed, and man... can she scream.'

That set him off, he charged you, releasing a desperate a d furious, battle cry, swinging like a mad man.

You dodged the swing, and with one final uppercut the demon Prince stumbled back. He looked at you shocked, before smacking into the ground.

You couldn't help but laugh. The piece of shit fell like a sack of rocks.

Turning around you found a very concerned Stella. With a smile you walked towards her, stumbling over your battered legs.

Stella ran to your side, helping you keep up right.

You chuckled, pulling her in for a kiss. 'I have something for you.' You told her, your voice course and worn.

Reaching into your coat, you pulled out a small black case.

Breaking her grip, you stepped back and fell to your knee.

Taking several deep breaths you began, 'Stella. You are my light in the darkness, the love of my life. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you.'

Opening the case, you showed the sparkling diamond ring. 'Stella, my love. Will you marry me.'

Stella looked shocked, tears coming to her eyes as she covered her mouth.

It took a moment, but she nodded her head, 'Yes... yes I'll marry you.' She said, her voice thick with emotion.

You just smiled.

Everything was perfect.

Just as you planned.

[ibroughtyoumybullets]

You said not to ask so please ignore this if you don't want to explain, but could you elaborate on your March 19th / May 1st theory? thanks!

ahfkafhksfh yeah no problem. its not a theory its just ... brain worms that have taken a specific shape but thats not new this is just the latest form. under a cut because i hate like. getting peoples hopes up over something ive entirely made up

greentext format but make it wordy

> i think frank has been like. suspicious lately. i dont know how to explain it beyond that. he’s done a LOT of press-but-not-press in the last month or so. sure, he’s definitely bored and stuck in his house like the rest of us, and he had a new EP come out, and the EP is technically the reason for the press. but it also ... isnt. like the bulk of it has been AFTER the EP came out, and none of it has been wholly focused on the EP. and to me, at least, it feels like, i dont know, easing the band back into public consciousness thru a press circuit without the band ACTUALLY doing a press circuit because MCR been pretty hard and fast about the ‘we dont need or want ur press’ when it comes to the reunion. 

> continuing off the last one, in the ... jim ward interview he did, i think? one of the more recent ones, at least - he got asked about his writing process and mentioned working with gerard in present tense. very very likely it meant nothing at all, but also like ... i dont trust him LOL part of me thinks it was on purpose. Im just suspicious of him after the broken clock thing. 

> not only did frank mention working with gerard in the present tense, for Months now, but especially during his recent mini press tour, frank has been really vague but consistent in talking about working with people on music remotely. id have to go looking for it and i dont feel like it, but it’s been something along the lines of ‘working with new people And people you know’. suspitcheous. 

> ONTO GERARD. Gerard like never uses social media. but then a couple days ago he pops up to mention franks EP (which is sweet) and makes sure to sign it so its like, obviously not something his social media manager wrote up for him. and in that post he mentions being down in the lab. and LORD KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK THAT MEANS besides the fact that he’s working on something. but hey, its gerard, when isnt he. 

> But Gerard’s also doing that charity stream on the 2nd. and we havent seen gerard in MONTHS. since august, maybe? and he’s not just speaking, hes PERFORMING. besides the shrine show, the last time he performed was for the muppet charity thing with ray in 2016, and before that, it was the last hes alien leg in 2015. None of us even expected him to perform when it got announced - it had to be confirmed by the event organizers. and that just ... pings something in my brain, same as franks little press tour. It’s gerard emerging from his cave, Being A Musician, you know? 

> SPEAKING of the last time we saw gerard, he teased us back in the summer by mentioning that he has something he’s been working on thats not comic book related that he cant talk about. maybe its a fucking line of hot sauces or a tripp collaboration. 

> Or maybe its music. 

> this is where we depart from reality a little bit more: 

> this has been trotted out again and again on here as a talking point, and i dither between agreeing with it or not, but: MCR spent two years planning their return. they had a plan, for whatever the fuck was supposed to happen - even if all that was supposed to happen was the tour. 

> and their plan got pissed on, doused in gasoline, set on fire, extinguished, and thrown into the mouth of a lion. But They Had A Plan. And theyve been fucking radio silent except the hipdot collab, and before that, rescheduling shows. I ASSUME their almost-year of silence has been them, in part, reformulating their plan. Changing whatever it was going to be to fit the new timeline, or making a back up plan in case things get worse. 

> But the original plan had them all free - as far as we know - after november of 2020. so they wouldnt have had active MCR stuff happening for the national anthem comic book release, the electric century album + comic release, the you look like death tua comic release. But those things still happened, because they didnt require having to be in the real world where the plague is. 

> so, what the worms hinge on, is that whatever the New Plan Is, Whatever They Are Doing Now, it involves waiting until all their obligations and projects that SHOULDNT have interfered with MCR stuff - but had to the potential to because of covid - ended. 

> and thats now. thats the next couple weeks. you look like death just finished up, mikeys album and comic are out, and national anthem finishes up in like a week in a half. 

> and then theres nothing (that we know of) until the rescheduled shows happen, or *knocks thrice on wood* they have to reschedule again. 

> and this is where we really enter crazy town:

> so i was thinking about all of these things, and the imagery / themeing for the return (what little we got of it) and how a year ago everybody was pulling out the wheel of the year trying to figure out what they would do next, and when. 

> and March 20th (i know i said march 19th originally, i’ll get into that) is Ostara. 

> if youre not vaguely witchy, its basically a festival for the spring equinox. light and dark are in balance, yadda yadda yadda. and i could go into full on insane depth about the black and white aspects of the return, the witchiness of an offering + a summoning but i wont. it boils down to: its the closest festival to when all of MCR’s calendars are clear as far as we know, and its almost a year to date of when they had to reschedule the shows. 

> and March 19th is a Friday. which is new music release day. Ostara / the equinox are technically on saturday, but its at 5am on saturday morning so ... technicalities. 

> so the worms in my brain say new single on march 19th. or Something on march 19th. or 20th. one of those days. 

> and the worms in my brain also say MCR are a bunch of cruel little shits, and theyre gonna make us wait before they give us anything substantial. 

> so we move to May 1st. 

> May 1st is also known as May Day, also known as Beltane. (We’re back to the wheel of the year for this one) Its the halfway point between the spring equinox and the summer solstice. And its a Saturday. which is NOT new music release day - but hey, its close enough. 

> may day is also like, similar to halloween / samhain in that the veil is supposed to be thinner on those days, and i think theres a connection the imagery and over-all plan wise between coming back on halloween, and possibly doing something on mayday. i dont think they just came back on halloween as a birthday present to frank. 

> so second single on may day, or album? or announcement that theres gonna BE an album? maybe they wont give us a single on ostara but just tease us with something. i dont know. but i think theres something here. 

> im aware this was a lot of words and i basically gave you nothing, but i can only give you what the worms give to me. 

> sorry for being the way i am. hope this helped. 

[gay-and-n3on]

heyy uh idk if this is a little tmi but anyway LIke 2 years ago i was tested for autism, it was supposed to be two parts and part one was like describing people in photos, what they were doing, what there expressions ment, ect then i was read to and had to recite sentences. but uh, the lady testing me couldn't get the second part of the test because someone lost the key to the room it was in, so i only ever did that first half? and i was supposed to have a full meeting w/ her and my dad to go over the results but we just, didn't? and all that was sent was an email that said that i was totally normal and theres nothing to worry about dont worry about it ur totes fine (btw i live in Australia if that matters)

Two years later and ive been hesitant to really say much about it for fear of being labeled as like “o em g i have autism and its so cutesy fun and i also have 20 other mental illnesses” but more than once ive had multiple friends be like “huh r u sure your not autistic? and googling symptoms it seems like i have more than a couple symptoms, im also afab, um could someone point me in the directions of some resources i could perhaps take a look at? im not really sure what to do, ive made an appointment with a doctor for next week, but im just not sure what to do with myself in the mean time? am i over reacting with the test thing? whenever i bring it up with my parents they sort of glaze over it and say that im fine, im not sure i have austisim as i really really dont want to self diagnose, and ive also had friends tell me that I might have ocd? I am constantly suffer from executive dysfunction to a point were im failing my classes, i also get sensory overload frequently and extreme audio sensitivity. I also have compulsions to say words, like saying things i see and repeating words (eg, saying worm every time i see a worm, or repeatedly saying the word worm aloud after seeing one) and also feeling the need to touch things to specific parts of my body, usually something smooth/ oddly textured to the center of my hand. i also have a poor social filter, i will say things that i ment kindly as compliments of neutral statements but will then make people upset and i normally wont understand why until the tell me (Eg, saying I love your eyebags, or you smell like a stick insect! or your nails are so pretty and long, they would be perfect for picking up baby snails  ((these unfortunately are things ive actually said to randoms at school and i will never live down)) and also,,,,,,,, god im rambling thanks for still reading, i also tic and stim, i frequently experience premoitory urges to touch parts of my skin, crack or move my neck and flinch. i frequently flap my hands. oh and i also have lots of urges to eat things that are not edible eg, paper, rubbers, wood, metal wires, dirt, rocks, plastic, ect ect. ALSO i regularly end up making rules for myself in my head, like “you cant eat the chocolate until you have finished this video” or “you cant go to the bathroom until you find and watch and like a yt short” and i also tend to think to do things in a specific order, like i will chop the vegetables then clean the pot im going to put them in, then ill get nervous and upset when someone cleans the pot for me before i chop all the vegetables. ok um this got off track fast, uh anyways if anyone can link some stuff i would like that please and thank you

[shadow-assassin-blix]

Bleeding Sunshine

Javier Pena x Reader

Part 1. 

So... this was a challenge... to write Consensual non-consent... but then this icky thing called feelings got in the way, so now this is 2 parts. 

So theres gonna be: Spanking. Slight jealously. Insecurities. Javi being both rough and soft. You being a brat at times. Feelings getting talked about. Hands tied.

Got the title from this poem that I found forever ago.

It had been a long day of work with the DEA. They had almost caught La Quica and he just barely slipped from their grasps. Your partner and boyfriend, Javier Pena, had left early, leaving you and Steve with the paperwork. Again.

“Did Javi tell you why he decided to cut early and leave us with the paperwork?” Steve asked, filing away his stack.

“Nope. But is it really that odd for him to leave early?” You replied with a shrug, as you stood up, throwing on your jacket.

“I have to stop and pick up dinner for us tonight, tell Connie I said ‘Hi.’ See ya tomorrow,” You said with a wave as you left the office.

You hopped into your car and drove to a local pizza place and picked up 2 large pizzas. Javi tended to devour most of a pizza pie by himself, leaving you with only one slice far too often.

Once the pizza was ready, it was a fairly short distance to the Embassy apartments. While you had your own apartment, you spent a vast majority of your time in Javi’s once the two of you began dating a year ago.

While dating him was amazing most of the time, there were times that you were doubtful and didn’t believe this relationship would last long. For example, you still had to deal with the issue of his informants and while you weren’t necessarily happy with the arrangement, you also knew that it was for the job. You dealt with it, even though you hated it.

You made your way to his apartment and used your spare key to open his door. You stopped in your tracks when you saw him.

“Please. Please, do not tell me you cut out early just to go fuck a hooker?” You asked, slightly annoyed taking in his appearance.

He sat on his loveseat, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans, a cigarette hanging between his fingers. The Look as you once called it, when your relationship began.

“No. Don’t get your panties in such a twist,” Javier grumbled, tapping the cigarette ash off into the tray on the side table.

Your eyes narrowed at him slightly, as you walked past him, to set the food on the kitchen table.

You began to grab plates and such when Javier called for your attention and waved you over to him.

You looked at him as you slowly walked back over to him and stood before him.

He patted his lap, enticingly, silently asking you to take a seat.

“Mh. No. I hate this couch. I know what you do on it,” You respond, crinkling your nose in slight disgust.

He sighed loudly and commanded, “Get. On. My. Damn. Lap.”

You raised an eyebrow at that, but did as he wished, wondering where this was heading.

You straddle his hips and gently situate yourself on his lap.

“You remember your safe word?” he whispered to you as he took his last drag of his cigarette, before putting it out.

“…mangos? What are we?” You asked slightly confused as to where this was heading.

He then proceeded to reach up and rip your shirt straight down the middle, buttons flying everywhere.

“Javi! I just bought that!” You exclaimed, smacking his chest with the back of your hand.

“Hm. Don’t care. I’ll buy you a new one,” He offered carelessly as he began to kiss your neck, nipping lightly.

You rolled your eyes at his response, and said, “How? It was limited.”

“Shut up, querida,” He mumbled into your neck as his hands ripped the rest of your blouse off, throwing it somewhere.

“Javi. The pizza’s going to get cold,” You complained as he began to unbutton your pants.

“That’s why they invented the microwave, sweet cheeks. Now. Imma tell you one last time,” He growled as he grabbed your chin to look him in the eyes. “Shut. Up.”

You blinked in response and opened your mouth to say something else, but Javi decided to land a firm slap on your ass.

He raised an eyebrow, daring you to react, as his hand hovered near your backside, threatening to do it again.

You took that challenge, and stood up, turning toward the kitchen and to go eat.

Javier shook his head and grabbed you by the back of your pants, pulling you back.

“Oh? Going to be a brat, eh?”  He said, disapproval lacing his tone. ��Hm. Let me see if I can beat that out of you. Undress.”

You crossed your arms and looked away, ignoring him.

He sighed then and scooted forward a bit, looking up at you with annoyance.

He then proceeded to rip off his belt, twisting you around, and tied your hands together.

“Javi!” You exclaimed, wiggling your arms and hands, trying to break free.

He ripped your pants down, gently guiding you to bend over, and he commanded, “Count them out.”

He spanked you harshly and waited.

“One,” You whispered, not wanting to admit that this was turning you on. You always enjoyed it when he was rougher in bed. Made it more exciting; the mind-blowing orgasms were a plus.

“Louder,” He corrected you, slapping your ass again.

“Two,” You said louder, breathing getting heavier as arousal began to flood your mind.

This continued on until you reached 10 finally, and his hands softly soothed over the enflamed skin.

“Now. Are we going to be a good girl? Or are you going to continue being a brat?” He questioned lightly.

You whimpered in response, trying to calm yourself as both pain and pleasure saturated your brain.

“What was that?” He asked turning you back to him.

You took some deep breaths, in an attempt to get yourself under control.

After a moment you jokingly narrow your eyes at him and let out a breathy, “Ow.”

He chuckled, gently bringing you back to his lap. “I didn’t hear you complaining. In fact, I bet if I were to touch your panties they’d be soaked.”

His hands began massaging your thighs as he lightly pressed kisses to your chest. This usually made you want to be brattier or just give into his ministrations. However, for whatever reason, you were suddenly not as into this as you were a moment ago. Especially when you saw out of the corner of your eye, an old cigarette butt that had lipstick stains on it; you didn’t smoke.

You stared down at his short messy curls, biting your lips, thinking.

‘Why is this man with me? I’m such a mess. I mean why else would he still be seeing his favorites from the brothel? He clearly doesn’t want-‘

“I can hear you thinking. What’s up?” He asked pulling away, one of his hands cupping your face.

You opened your mouth to answer but found you didn’t know what to say, so you closed it.

Javier stared at you for a long moment and noticed the small glances to the ashtray you made. His eyes briefly roved over to it and realized what it was you were looking at.

“Does the thought of me being with a hooker bother you that much?” He guessed, his voice low, his movements stopping.

You don’t answer immediately. You chewed on your bottom lip harshly before sighing heavily.

“I understand… that you do it for work… but it also makes me wonder why you even bother to be with me, when you have all of them,” You admitted.

“What if…. What if I told you… that I haven’t slept with any of them… in months? That I’ve just been paying them for their information?” He hesitantly asked.

“Wh- Really? Why?” You stammered in confusion.

“Because I have you,” He answered plainly, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

You looked at him shocked, your mouth dropping open and you fully expected him to say that he was joking. But after a full minute of him just staring at you softly, you knew he wasn’t, which made you smile and look down.  

He tilted your chin back up and pressed a chaste kiss to your lips.

“Let’s go eat, yeah?” He offered with a half-smile.

“What happened to the whole ‘that’s what microwaves are for’ thing?” You teased.

“I want your full attention, when I rail you into next week my love. I don’t want there to be any doubts or thoughts that I don’t care about you. Plus, I can hear your stomach growling and it’s quite distracting,” He joked, his hands flying up to protect his face as you grabbed a pillow and whacked him with it.

“You’re such a jerk! I can’t help it! I’m hungry,” You tried to say sternly but kept laughing.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, your forehead resting against his. You wanted to tell him you loved him, but the last time you did that he refused to speak to you for a week. So, you were quiet, and pressed small kisses to his lips.

The sweet moment was ruined when your stomach growled. Loudly. You pulled away, closing your eyes, and scrunching your face up in mild embarrassment.

“So. Pizza? And whatever’s on TV?” You proposed trying to move away from this awkward moment.

“Yeah. Bring me a couple of slices, please?” He politely asked with a chuckle, turning the TV on.

You filled both plates up pizza, grabbed beers for the both of you, and some napkins.

Javier moved from the loveseat to the sofa and you handed him his half, before curling into his side.

“Do you really think Veronique killed Paolo or do you think it was Marie?” You asked as your (and Javi’s, though he would never admit it) favorite telenovela came on.

“It was definitely Veronique. It’s always the spouse,” Javier argued back, taking a sip of beer.

“C’mon. They just had the baby! Marie’s always been jealous of Veronique!” You exclaimed in response, taking a large bite.

“I guess we shall find out then, won't we?” Javier shrugged devouring half a slice in seconds.

The two of you spent the next hour eating and watching the episode.

When it ended you looked at Javi smugly, “I told you so.”

He rolled his eyes playfully and cleaned up the mess they made while eating. He returned to the living room and picked you up, taking you to his bed.

You lightly giggled at the action, shaking your head.

When the both of you were in bed, the lights out, he pulled you close to him. He was on his side and you on your back. He gently brushed your hair out of your face, he whispered something to you then.

Three words that you hadn’t expected. Three words that you had accepted were never going to come from him, at least not in the traditional sense. Hell, he said it so quietly, you could almost have believed that you misheard him.

“I love you.”

You whispered it back, as he kissed you firmly on the lips. He wrapped his arms around you tightly and you turned on your side to do the same, and the both of you fell into a deep sleep. Best sleep the both of you ever had in a long while.

[itsjustmyfantasyroom]

I need a Drink not a Recess

OK, I know we are in the middle of Fresh Starts series, and I changed lanes to get all my delicious kinktober stuff up, but I’m going to change lanes one more time before going back to Fresh Starts.

As a Barba fan person we were all broken when he left and we all dream of his return. This ‘thing’ was encouraged by my family on discord who really are my heart and soul and I have been so grateful to have found you all. This year has not been the best but typing beside you all has made this year a little more bearable! 

Shout out to @detective-giggles for encouraging this and helping me along the way and to @karens-imagined-world / @the-baby-bookworm​ for also encouraging this and for the awesome mood board she created for this story!

Enjoy xx

Warnings: light language and light smut

“Did you think of me at all when making this decision?”

Your eyes were filled with tears and your hands balled at your side. Rafael was leaning on his kitchen counter looking down with a reddened face.

“So all those promise- empty clearly” you spat at him.

“I have been through a lot, I need a fresh start” Rafael snapped at you.

“Yeah? And who was there for you through all that? Is this what you do, sweet talk them, get them into bed for them to get attached to you, promise them the world and then leave?”

Rafael meet your eyes for the first time since the conversation started, he could see the hurt in them and his filled with tears.

“You know what Rafael, have a nice life”

*2 Years Later*

“Sonny- Here’s your coffee” you walked into Sonny’s office, arounded his desk and placed the coffee cup in front of him. Sonny stood up and kissed you on the cheek before putting on his jacket.

“Thanks Y/N, Ready for the stand?” You reached up to straighten Sonny’s tie.

“I think so, Kat and I worked on our statements last night, think she is ready too- who is the judge?”

“Briggs” Sonny shot you a look as a smirk came to your face “Control yourself Y/N, don’t fire him up”

“What me” you batted your eye lashes “Never, he loves me”

“I know- I remember the Christmas party” Sonny rolled his eyes.

You and Sonny made your way to the court room, seeing Kat, Amanda, Fin and Liv waiting outside the doors.

“Morning” You smiled at everyone as you made your way to stand between Amanda and Kat.

“Ready Partner?” Kat nudged you in the side.

Liv, Fin and Amanda patted you both on the shoulders and walked in to find a seat. Sonny turned to look at you both,

“I’ll see you both in there” Sonny winked at you and walked in.

You and Kat walked around to the seats at the side of the court room and sat there to wait.

“So you and ADA Carisi?” Kat looked at you with a smirk, you rolled your eyes.

“There is no me and ADA Carisi, he is my best friend, we have been through a lot and were partnered for a long time” A soft smile came to your face.

“I’ am Sorry I didn’t mean to over step” Kat looked down with reddened cheeks.

“It’s ok, look partner I’ll be honest- my heart was broken a couple of years ago. I have never been able to get over it. That’s why I love this job, I don’t have time to think about it and I work with my best friends that help me not to think about it” you winked at her “Kat, I know you came in during a whirl wind, and well- we weren’t all that welcoming, but I’ am glad to have you by my side. Theres still a lot we need to know about each other but we will get there. How about on Saturday we get lunch and do some shopping? I need some new work pants”

“That sounds great” a big smile came to Kat’s face.

Just then Kat was called and she was walked in with a guard.

----

Sonny was sorting out his paper work on his desk, getting everything in order, Liv, Fin and Amanda sitting in the row right behind him. The jury walked in and took their places.

“All rise for the Honourable Judge Barba” was boomed out in the court room everyone standing as the door at the back corner opened.

Sonny’s mouth dropped open and Liv, Amanda and Fin almost fell back into their seats. Out walked Rafael with a white collared shirt and orange tie poking out the top of his black robes. Everyone sat down bar Sonny, Amanda, Liv and Fin who all had shocked looks on their faces. Rafael looked out to them giving them a small smirk,

“Please sit Detectives, you too Counselor”

----

It was a long while after Kat was called in before your name was called. You put your phone back in your pocket standing up straightening up your black tight fitting pants, you looked down to make sure your purple button down shirt was still tucked in nicely, adjusting your badge on your hip. You fixed up your matching black blazer and tucking your straight hair behind both ears before the doors were opened to the very full courtroom. You locked eyes with Sonny who gave you a weird look.

You made your way into the room and looked at the Judges chair stopping in your tracks when you saw Rafael sitting behind the bench, you swear you stopped breathing for a minute, you stood there staring, not quite believing what you were seeing,

“Mr Carisi, please tell your witness to take the stand or I’ll hold her in contempt for holding up my courtroom”

You shot Rafael a dirty look and made your way to the stand, the only noise in the room was the clink of your low heels on the floor. You stepped up on the stand looking Rafael in the eyes, narrowing yours at him when he sat back frowning at you in his chair.

You were sworn in and sat down looking out locking eyes with Amanda who shrugged her shoulders at you. Sonny and Amanda both knew about your relationship with Rafael before he left, they were also the two people that held you together when he did leave. Your heart was shattered into pieces when he told you he was moving to Iowa and it shattered you even more when you never heard from him but he was in contact with Liv.

Sonny stood up and asked you his first question, but you were looking up at Rafael trying to read his poker face,

“Detective Y/N can you answer my question please?”

“I’ am sorry what?” you looked away from Rafael to Sonny.

“Your honour approach?” Rafael nodded at Sonny as he made his way to the stand.

“Y/N are you ok?” Sonny said just above a whisper frowning at you.

“I could ask the same question Detective” Rafael looked down at you.

“Forgive me your Honour I can’t concentrate” you snarled at Rafael.

“Does your witness need a recess till tomorrow Counselor?” Rafael looked over at Sonny, who nodded back.

“I need a drink not a recess” you rolled your eyes.

“Court is in recess till 9 am tomorrow” Rafael's voice echoing through the court room banging his gavel “Detective Y/N my chambers NOW” Rafael frowned down at you as he made his way down from behind the bench.

You got down off the stand and walked over to Sonny who was packing up his papers and the others leaning on the hand rail behind Sonny.

“I’ am sorry I stuffed up Sonny- but what the hell? Liv did you know Barba was back?”

“Come on Y/N if I knew I would have told you guys, I’ am just as shocked as you all are.”

You all started to walk out of the court room, Liv and Fin said bye and left leaving you, Sonny, Amanda and Kat.

“Y/N, you really didn’t know? He didn’t reach out?” Amanda grabbed your shoulder

“If I knew don’t you think I would have said something?” you looked down to hide your tears that had filled your eyes “Just shows even more that I didn’t mean anything to him”

“What’s going on?” Kat blurted out. You looked up at Kat as a tear escaped one of your eyes.

“You know when I told you my heart was broken a couple of years ago” you paused and Kat nodded “Judge Barba was the one that did it- he was ADA Barba then”

“Come on Y/N I’ll help you find his office” Sonny wrapped his arm around your shoulders leading you away from Kat and Amanda.

After a few wrong turns you and Sonny finally found Rafael’s new office, his door was slightly open. You could see him looking through a case file, sleeves rolled up, tie lose and his top buttons undone. He was clean shaven again. Liv had told you that last time she video chatted with him he had grown a beard.

“You going to be ok?” Sonny grabbed your hand giving it a squeeze, all you could do was nod “Come and find me after, I’ll take you for a drink and dinner” Sonny kissed you on the forehead and walked away.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes to muster all the confidence you could in the hopes you wouldn’t cry. You walked to the door and knocked twice. Rafael looked up and nodded for you to walk in,

“Close the door please Detective” you did as he asked and turned back around to face him.

“May I ask what this is about your Honour, I have work to do”

“Y/N” Rafael said your name softly, the way he would when he was between your legs.

“Don’t” you bit your lip as you felt the tears coming to your eyes.

“Don’t what?” Rafael stood up off his chair and made his way around to stand in front of you his arms crossed in front of him.

“Don’t say my name like that” you kept looking at the floor.

“Can we talk?”

“About what? How you up and left breaking my heart? Or how you left for what just over two years and never made an effort to reach out to me but you could stay in contact with Liv, or I know, how you waltz back into a court room as a judge not giving anyone the heads up that you were back in Manhattan” there was a long pause “So which is it Rafael? Because if you’re not going to say anyth-“

“I’ am sorry” Rafael cut you off “For everything. I know I went about everything the wrong way”

“Ya think?” you shot back.

“Sarcasm is the weapon of the weak Y/N”

“Would you rather I yell at you?” You looked over at him frowning “I know you had been through a lot, I get that, I know that, I was by your side for all of it, but clearly I was just some fuck buddy that you fooled. You broke my heart in half Rafael, you made me all these promise, we had all these future plans- I thought you were the one” Tears fell from your eyes as you raised your hands to hide your face sobbing.    

Rafael closed the gap between you wrapping you into his arms, you lent your covered face onto his chest, Rafael resting his lips on your head.

“I didn’t just break your heart, I broke my own doing that to you. I know I should have reached out- I felt guilty every time I spoke to Liv knowing all I had to do was dial your number. I only got back into town on the weekend I’ am staying with my Mum till I can find a place. I didn’t just want to turn up at your door ste-“

You pulled back out of his embrace stepping back looking at him furious,

“Didn’t bother you turning up on my door step when you wanted to ‘blow off some steam’ at all hours of the night”

“You were never just a fuck buddy-Maybe you need to settle down so we can have an adult conversation about all this” Rafael put his hands on your hips glaring down his nose at you.

“Don’t you dare Rafael Barba” you gritted you teeth at him.

“Sorry- look let’s have a drink, Please. I have some scotch here. Sit down”

You moved to sit on Rafael’s two seater couch and watched as Rafael moved around to his desk, getting out a full bottle of his favourite scotch and two low ball glasses. Rafael walked back over sitting next to you, pouring two glasses and handing one to you. Silence filled the room and each of you didn’t know who would crack first.

“Why didn’t you reach out to me?” Rafael said just above a whisper. You sculled what was in your glass and lent forward to pour some more into it sitting back into the couch.

“I didn’t think you wanted me anymore”  

“I was in a dark place, you knew that- But there were so many nights I just laid there and thought about you- I missed you more than you will ever know. We just- I don’t know, lack of communication”

“Lack of communication is an interesting way to put it” you rolled your eyes “You can’t tell me that all this time you didn’t move on with someone else making promise you didn’t keep”

“Y/N- No I hadn’t” you looked at him shocked “I may have left Manhattan physically, but my heart was still here- with you”

Rafael lent forward placing his glass on the coffee table, he reached over and took yours out of your hand and put it next to his glass, as he lent back he grabbed onto your leg pulling you to straddle his lap. You looked deep into his eyes and rested your hands on his chest, his on your waist.

“I don’t want you to judge me by the past. I don’t want to pick up where we left off, I want to start fresh with you. I made mistakes, ones I will regret for the rest of my life- but we are here now. I want to make new promises to you, promises that I will ke-“

“How can I trust that?” tears slowly ran down your cheeks.

“I know it will take a while, but I’ am not giving up on you- on us again. I love you Y/N”

Rafael pulled you into him, your lips meeting as you melted into his chest, you moved your head to the side, opening your mouth so he could deepen the kiss. Rafael ran his hands all over your back and down to your bum and then back up again sending a shiver down your spin, pulling your button down out of your pants starting to undo the buttons. Your hands grabbing at his shirt collar to pull him closer. You started to grind down on him lightly and he moaned into your mouth, Rafael moved his hands away from your buttons putting them back on your waist, pushing your hips down onto him. You pulled back and rested your forehead to his,

“I’ve missed you so much” you whispered before you kissed the tip of his nose “I love you. Never leave me again”

“I promise, never again.”

Part 2

[valkyriesryde]

Release the Hounds {11/?}

Chapter 11: Wine Plays Tricks on the Tongue

Pairing: Persephone!Steve Rogers x Hades!Reader

Chapter Summary: Steve goes looking for Hades as he thinks about all he’s been told and realises that things still aren’t right...

Word Count: 3,532

A/N: WARNING: There is some talk about Cassandra and trigger warning themes in her myth like rape and death though the former is not explicitly said and just a passing piece of fact Well this is long overdue, I really struggled with this chapter, I spent weeks just looking at the document but I’m really happy with how it turned out, we’re getting near the end and these arcs are finally coming to their point, I’m really happy with Steve’s character and how far along he’s come and I hope you guys can forgive me for the long gap in updates and enjoy it to!

Steve spent days wandering the halls of Hades’ home. He explored her library and read about the history of the mortal world through both fiction and non-fiction works. He spent three days going into the fields with the judges and observing and questioning them as they worked. He helped Harley and Charon move souls through the gates in the morning and in the afternoon he would do as he pleased.

Today it was brisk but warm if that were such a thing. The sun kissed his face as it streamed through the open windows but the air bit at his skin when he stepped out of the light. He wasn’t quite sure what to do today. He wanted to see Hades, but that was a constant thought in his head, wondering what she was doing, why he hadn’t see her much since he’d taken residence in the Underworld. 

“She’s just busy, don’t take it personally. There’s a lot she has to do at the moment,” Wanda had said to him when he asked why he’d barely seen her.

“Or do take it personally,” Harley had muttered under his breath with a mouth full of food, the good stuff too, from Olympus that Wanda had made Peter bring just for Steve. 

“You’re not a fan of me,” Steve noted snatching the bread before Harley could get to it, if the only food he was allowed to eat was that from Olympus he wasn’t going to give it up without a fight.

“I’m not a fan of your kind, I’m on the fence about you.” Harley snarked back.

 Steve did take it personally. This entire time, the entire time he’d been curious and asking and learning about the Underworld he’d always been told Hades took a hands on approach. But now she’s hiding in her office and it’s all because he’s here.

The door creaked open and Steve couldn’t hear a sound or see anything out of the ordinary when he stepped into her office.

“Hello? I knocked but there was no-are you here?” He asked the empty room. No one sat at her desk, there wasn’t a paper askew. Yet Steve could have sworn he watched her walk in here a couple hours ago and he hadn’t seen or heard her leave since. “I know you’re in here.”

He stepped further into the office, it was much tidier than it had been the last time he was here, apart from the desk where piles of paper threatened to fall. Behind her desk were floor to ceiling windows of the gates, to its side were towering bookshelves that held all the greats and some not so much. She had paintings and statues, she had her armour sitting by the door on display. It was so different from the rest of her home, it didn’t feel like a home in here, it was a place of power and work. 

Or maybe that’s just what Steve felt. He had the same feeling in his gut as he did all those weeks ago on stage, that same feeling he got when she was near him. Power, calmness, stability. It enveloped him like a hug but it wasn’t as close as it was on stage it was creeping away from him. 

“I can feel you,” he whispered to the empty room, trying to find any clue as to where she was. “I don’t know why but I can feel when you’re near me,” it got stronger until it was all around him and he thought he could feel the air shift by his cheek until it was snatched away. “I can’t explain it, I don’t know what’s happening and I feel like people are keeping things from me.” 

Steve didn’t know why he was spilling this information to an empty room, though he wasn’t completely convinced it was empty. He needed to get it out. He’d bottled up these feelings for years, the feeling that he never knew the whole story, that people were always telling him half truths or that there was always something more to it. 

“It’s like I’m being told bits of the story and just expected to figure out the rest for myself but I can’t!” He was desperate, he just wanted to know why this was all happening. Why was it such a big deal? 

He knew about World War II, he knew about Demeter and Hades’ fight, about how they always went head to head but he just couldn’t shake the feeling in his gut that that wasn’t all it was. Gods hold grudges, that much is true, and it’s perfectly reasonable to expect them to continue hating each other over one event for all this time. But they hated each other before that, from what Bucky had told him that was the last straw, there had to be something before that.

“You know what else I can’t get my head around?” His voice was strangled in his throat, his brows furrowed down as he started to pace the silent office. “Why I’m in the middle of it? I know I’m Demeter’s son, I know that I stood up for you. That doesn’t explain her outburst, she could have just refused, she could have locked me in the garden or on earth. She didn’t have to fight because she has the power, she has always had the power over me.” Slowly, the clues started clicking in his head, events started to make sense. “I know you’re the one person she hates most, I know that she fears you to an extent but none of her reactions or actions are what I expected from her. So I can’t help but thinking, I just- what if- what if it’s me? What if this isn’t about her hatred for you, what if this isn’t about Ares or World War II, it’s not about you sitting on the council. It’s about me, it’s about my interest in you, it’s about how I feel about you.”

A book fell from its shelf suddenly, it lay open on the floor and Steve jumped at the sudden crash before bending down and picking up the book. The page it had opened to talked about Oedipus, a man who unknowingly killed his father and married his mother. Steve knew the story, most did, there was an entire psychological theory based on his misfortune. Although the page the book had opened on didn’t focus on his relationship with his mother. Instead, it talked about the continuing efforts in the myth of preventing prophecy. About how Oedipus was destined to kill his father so was given away as a baby. When Oedipus found out he was destined to kill his father he assumed it was the father he had grown up with, the man who had helped raise him because that’s who he believed his father to be. He attempted to avoid this by leaving home and never returning. But in the end, as the book told Steve, prophecies have a way of coming to be no matter how much we try and stop it, and Oedipus killed his birth father and married his mother just like the oracle in Delphi had told him he would. 

Steve turned the book over and read the title ‘Lessons Learned in Myth’ then the chapter title ‘Why one shouldn’t work against fate’. He stood there looking at the book, mulling over the words, over what it meant. He thought about what he’d been told, the facts that he knew. None directly related to the fates or any sort of oracle or prophecy that he could think of. Except what Bucky had said about Cassandra going to Hades and then him, but that was so long ago surely it was just Bucky reminiscing. 

“…you should know not to take things you’re told at face value” Sam had told him. Was that Bucky trying to tell him something? Was there a prophecy that he didn’t know about? 

“That’s why she kept me in the dark about everything,” he whispered to himself, it made sense, why she wouldn’t let him near the council, why Demeter tried to make him hate Hades so much. “Its her and I, there’s a prophecy with Hades and I and Demeter doesn’t want it to happen-“

A crash came from behind him and Steve jumped and dropped the book. He spun on his feet and was met with Hades’ helmet clattering and spinning on the floor, the door wide open. She was here! Though Steve had no time to register that has he ran after her.

“Wait!” He called and caught her in the foyer. He grabbed her wrist and she turned to face him, panic in her eyes but anger behind them. “I’m right aren’t I?! There’s a prophecy with you and I and that’s why everything has blown up because it’s happening! Isn’t it?!” He was angry and he didn’t want to yell at her but by all the gods he was fuming at how he’d been kept in the dark by everyone he loved, he was betrayed. 

“She shouldn’t know of its existence, this doesn’t make sense!” Hades pulled her wrist out of his grip and ran her fingers through her hair, she paced in front of him mumbling, “theres now way - only Loki and Bucky and - Thor must have - but he swore -“

“HADES!” He yelled and her mumbling and movement stopped as she looked at him. 

That’s when it clicked for her, she’d memorised the prophecy years ago, she’d spent centuries thinking of the possibilities, of what each line and each word could mean. She had a strong feeling Harley was right about the first line. 

When the wind is still and the air is cold, the sun will shine in Hades.

It was still spring in the Underworld and with every day it got warmer and the northern hemisphere of the mortal world got colder. It made perfect sense though that the words Cassandra had repeated wouldn’t be in order of events. She broke it down in her head, each line until she found what she was looking for and she whispered it into the air between her and Steve.

“But the daffodil will grow through the cracks of the grave.” 

He looked at her like she was the Hydra and had grown two more heads.

“Tell me the truth, the whole truth…Now.” He said through gritted teeth and she nodded her head and pulled him out the door. 

“I will, now, on the way.”

“Where are we going?” Her fingers laced with his and he couldn’t help the floating feeling in his stomach when she tightened her grip for a second with no sign of letting go. Was this real? Was what he feeling real? Was it a romantic attraction towards her? Or was it just this prophecy? 

“To see a girl.” 

Cassandra. A priestess, a daughter to a king, a victim of Troy, and a victim of Apollo. She comes from a famous family, her brother, Hector, was a Trojan hero during the Trojan War. Her father was King Priam of Troy. She herself is also famous in antiquity, believe it or not but it isn’t often that gods fall head over heels for humans (attraction is different from affection). So the girl who Apollo fell for is always a tale to remember. She was, and still is, clever and sarcastic beyond her looks though still beautiful as ever. Bucky tried during the years of the war to catch her eye, he would send her gifts, he would find her watching the carnage and try and talk to her. She never relented, Cassandra had no eyes for the god, at least not in the way he wanted. With one final attempt he offered her his greatest gift, the ability to see the future as it was to be. 

Yet she still refused his hand, her loyalty was to her family and Troy, they couldn’t be together since he was a god and she was just human. So Bucky got angry and instead of taking her gift away he let her keep it, but no prophecy she told would be believed. He said she pulled him along, that he tempted her and lied to her, entertained his feelings towards her without ever having the intention of actually being with him. She told him he deserved it, she took a vow of chastity and even as a priestess of Apollo, she would not be his. He told her she deserved what she got and hoped this would be a lesson to never toy with one’s heart again. 

It wasn’t Bucky’s proudest moment…

She was seen as mad by her family, every time she warned them of the war, of Paris and what he and Helen would bring to troy she was pushed aside and ignored. Eventually, it did drive her mad, she was angry and violent towards Helen as she knew that she was to blame for the destruction of her home. 

When she warned the Trojans about the wooden horse and the fate of herself and others they ignored her. Every single one, Odysseus’ journey home, Aeneas’s escape, Agamemnon’s death, all of them were disregarded. When Hector died she became more frantic and frustrated, she cursed the name Apollo. She became suicidal, attempting to burn the Trojan Horse herself since no one believed her. When Troy fell she sought help from Athena, and hid in Natasha’s temple and Natasha had to witness the brutality and wrath that the Greek hero Ajax thrust upon her, even the goddess who was an ally to the Greeks wept for Cassandra. Until she died violently with Agamemnon. 

Upon her judgment at the gates of the Underworld she was deemed worthy of Elysian fields and followed Pietro to her new home as a hero and devote prophet. Her dedication to what is right and to the gods proved her worth. Her curse did not carry over to the Underworld, Hecate made sure that curses made on the living did not affect the dead. However, her gift of fortune wasn’t a curse, and so it slipped through the cracks and she now found that she was able to see the future and those around her that would listen believed her. 

It took some time, for a long time she hated her gift, it had brought her nothing but bad luck and she ignored every prophecy, she ignored the visions of Caesar and the Roman Empire, the crusades, she ignored it all. Until she saw Hades. 

Cassandra didn’t know the man with her, she didn’t recognise the location they were, she felt the cold of the snow on her fingertips and she saw the droplets of gold on the ground. The words played in her head and she knew she had to tell someone. So she ran to Pietro who ran to Hades who ran to Bucky who claimed she was wrong. Until he remembered the curse and until she showed him the vision. That’s when Thor and Loki were brought in, that’s when Sam and Wanda were told about the prophecy that Cassandra had seen. 

Hades told Steve all of this on their way to Cassandra in the Elysian field. She told him that those that knew made a vow not to tell anyone else, that no one needed to know unless absolutely necessary. 

“How long has Demeter tried to convince you to hate me?” Her pace slowed as they neared the lush grass and could see Pietro in the distance already with Cassandra. 

“For as long as I can remember, it definitely became more apparent after World War II but I figured that was just because of-“

“That’s possible, but I think she knew before that. She was angry at me before I even appeared at the council, before that day. He must have told her before that. Cassandra, meet Steve, god of Spring,” Hades let Steve’s hand fall from her own as she introduced him to the prophet that started this all. 

“The daffodil,” she smiled and Steve was confused for a second until he remembered what Hades had said and realised that he was the daffodil, in the prophecy and on the gates, it was a symbol for him. 

“Why did you call us here Hades?” Pietro asked as Sam and Wanda joined them. Cassandra sunk into Pietro’s side in the presence of the gods around her, Steve noticed how frightened and small she was even though she tried to appear as anything but. 

“Demeter knows about the prophecy.”

“What?!” the judges exclaimed but Hades attention was on Cassandra.

“This is very bad my queen,” she whispered, she was pressed against Pietro’s side now but he wasn’t fazed by how her body tried to slip through his. 

“Is there anything else you can tell us Cassandra? Anything at all?” She bit her lip, she hadn’t told her about the snow or the dripping gold, she’d only told Bucky as she feared what it meant. She couldn’t fathom the idea of her queen dying at the hands of another god, or even him, Steve, god of spring who was destined to be with Hades. Cassandra refused to think of the possibilities.

“No, I’ve told you everything I know. If he is here,” she nodded towards Steve, “then the prophecy has already begun, if his mother knows this too… all we can do is let it happen.” 

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Sam said warily and Pietro and Wanda both nodded in agreement. 

“We just let it happen?” Steve asked out loud, he remembered the book, the lesson it was open to, ‘Why one shouldn’t work against fate’ but he didn’t care right now. He was sick of his mother getting in the way, he was sick of her controlling him, maybe Harley was right not to like Olympians, they’d been nothing but cruel to Steve too. “I won’t stand by and let her wage war, we have to make a move!”

“No,” Hades held his hand as she spoke softly, “that’s not how we do things here, we don’t fight unless we have to-“

“and we have -“

“No.” Her voice was stronger now as she turned to him and held his eye, “we are not her, we are not Olympians here, I’ll go to Thor, I’ll tell him what we know and he can choose how to punish her. If you want, you can stay here, live here, you can still do your duties from the Underworld. But we don’t fight.”

“You’re wrong,” he told her and the judges and Cassandra who were watching the interaction gasped, no one spoke back to the Queen of the Underworld. “I’m an Olympian…” Steve thought for a second, he looked back at Hades’ home that stood tall above the fields only a two minute walk away and he thought about the pile of food from Olympus that Peter brought for him because he couldn’t eat- “but not for long.” 

He stormed towards the house with determination, it took a minute for them to figure out what he meant but when they did they were running after him shouting for him to stop what he was doing.

“What are you thinking?!” Sam yelled.

“Steve no!” Wanda called as he entered the house.

“Steve stop and think about this, you can’t go back on this decision!” Hades told him as he stood under the window in the throne room in front of the bowl of fruit, his hand grasped the pomegranate. 

Peter had been bringing food from Olympus for Steve because if anyone who isn’t from the Underworld eats food from this daft place they’re stuck. They become locals with the souls, gods of Olympus become gods of the Underworld and heroes become soldiers of Hades. That’s what all the books said, that’s what Steve knew to be true. He knew his place, he felt strong here when Bucky felt weak, he is not the same. He is not just an Olympian, that may be where he is from but that does not mean it is who he is.

“None of you were worried I’d become weak here,” he pulled open the fruit in his hands and the juices slid down his palm, “because you knew that I was meant to be here.”

“Steve,” Hades took a step towards him, she feared what he was doing, this was rash, especially after the information he’d been told today. 

“I’m not an Olympian.” He bit into the fruit, it was sour on his tongue but it was perfectly ripe and almost addictive. One bite though, that’s all he needed. When he swallowed, at first he didn’t feel anything. They watched carefully, Hades ran up to him, her hand gripped his back and she tore the fruit from his hands. Steve coughed once, twice, but that was it. He felt fine, different but only slightly and still very much the same. 

But the daffodil will grow through the cracks of the grave.

Chapter Twelve: Let it Come to Fruition

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[asthmark]

❝ lucky ❞, z.c

pairing → chenle, reader

genre → fluff, angst? a lil??

word count → 3.1k (woah!!)

summary → "you just deserve… so much more than that. do you realize how true that must be for a boy you just met today to see it?"

a/n → this is 1000% inspired by this pic that dropped yesterday like.....chenle looked so good it reminded me why i bias him!!!! anyway i kind of like this it has rich chenle and daddy issues thats all xoxo (also i did not proofread like at all so if theres any typos it was taeil's fault lol)

everyone in the room is utterly unbearable.

you understand it's rude to think so but you're sure that if you were to tell any of them this they would instantly agree with you. of course, you would never do that. because you're a ceo's daughter; you're not allowed to have an opinion that would make you look imprudent, rude or anything less of perfect.

so what do you do? you smile. you make small talk. you try your best to ignore your sore feet that are confined in your pumps and the way your dress rides up your butt. your lack of manners could not and would not be the reason your father missed out on any chance to make some more money. he made that very clear to you. after all, the only reason he dragged you along to all these house parties was so you could make make a stellar impression. he wanted all the businessmen in the room to remember mr. l/n and his charming young daughter when they got in their limousines and drove back home so that they'd remember when they discussed mergers and new projects.

you were never comfortable with the idea of your father essentially using you as some sort of accessory but you sometimes went days on end without seeing him so you took what time you could get. of course, helping him build his empire and boost his reputation wasn't your preferred daddy-daughter activity but you would never tell him that. it would just cause problems in your already rocky relationship and you certainly didn't need that.

"y/n." speak of the devil. "why don't you make conversation with the other guests? or better yet, come talk to these investors. i'm sure they'd love to meet you."

you know exactly what your father means by that so you try to find a reason to decline. anything would be better than watching him suck up to anyone with deep pockets and try to get you to do the same. "um." you repress a relieved sigh when you catch sight of yuna entering and handing her coat to a housekeeper. "actually i see my friend over there. i think i'll just go talk to her."

he frowns and you realize his face seems to be permanently stuck like that when he was around you. you can't remember the last time you'd seen an authentic smile from him. you suppose that was reserved for when he was trying to seal a deal.

"just behave yourself," he says. he leans into your ear. "remember, people are watching."

then he's gone, leaving you standing alone for a split second before yuna comes and takes his place.

"hey!" she draws out the word for dramatic effect.

"hi," you respond, your greeting lacking the enthusiasm hers held. she wasn't your favorite person but it was nice to talk to someone who wasn't observing your every move. it gave you a break from the ridiculous standards everyone else seemed to hold you to.

she brushes her bangs out of her eyes as she sized you up. "ooh, i love your heels! how much?"

"like 15 bucks." her jaw drops and you can't help but giggle. "yeah, i bought them at a thrift store. just don't tell my dad."

she grins. "wow, i always thought thrifting was for poor people but i just might have to check it out now."

that was the thing about yuna. she was stupid rich and she wouldn't have it any other way. she loved designer brands and houses so big you could get lost in them. you didn't blame her for any of that but it was the fact that she didn't mind the stuffy dinner parties and being shown off that was a little puzzling to you. unlike you, she had perfected her fake laugh and polite small talk long ago and sometimes you wondered if she really did care about all these companies and powerful men. but you know that as long as she gets to wear her thousand dollar dresses and go home to her cozy mansion, she'll be happy. she did what it took to keep her lavish lifestyle and was a little too materialistic for your liking and you guess that's where you and her are different.

you finally answer her. "yeah, definitely. it's a lot of fun."

her eyes light up. "we should go together one of these days!"

your silence is definitely too long but thankfully, yuna doesn't notice. her short attention span had caused her to focus on something else—more specifically, someone.

"oh my god," she says. "who is that?"

a boy who looks around your age has appeared, accompanied by a middle-aged man in a suit. the older man is more put together by far but you still can't help but stare at who you assume to be his son. he's wearing a black jacket on top of a striped shirt and you notice that chains hang from his neck. a belt holds up a pair of dark and tight pants. and, god, is he wearing converse?

you can't help but crack a smile at that. you envy his comfortable look; you would trade all the chanel and prada in the world just to wear a t-shirt and pair of sneakers and not have everyone in the room judge you for it. but his outfit isn't the only thing you admire. he must have crazy amounts of confidence to show up looking like he does when being surrounded by so many managers, executives, and company heads. you can only imagine what they're thinking and yet, the boy didn't seem to care or look uncomfortable in the slightest. in fact, he seems oddly at ease, his eyes scanning the room. at one point his eyes sweep over you and you lock eyes.

you watch as he brushes his bangs out of his face, almost like he's trying to get a better look at you. you only stare back, shifting your weight from one leg to the other. he offers you a half smile, his eyes squinting slightly and cheeks growing. you can't help but smile back, noticing just how the stranger's had an adorable baby face.

he looks away when he notices his father gravitating towards a group of businessmen and follows him. you almost wonder if he was in the same position as you were, if he was nothing but a poster child who was shown off at every event and party there was. then you notice how his father holds him tightly and smiles widely—genuinely—when he introduces him to others.

your father never did that. he wouldn't let you wear clothes like that either. you could only assume that this boy and his father were different from the rest of you. maybe they sat down and had dinner together everyday? talked to each other about their day? you almost throw the idea out of your head completely because it seems just too foreign to you.

"oh my god," yuna says. that seemed to be her favorite phrase. "i've never seen them before. what do you think they're doing here?"

you shrug. "maybe they're new to town?"

she hums. you both stay silent, observing the pair before yuna seems to grow impatient. "well i'm gonna go meet them. i can't handle being out of the loop. wanna come?"

you say agree. you feel obligated to. for the first time in forever you're actually interested in something at one of these dull parties, you're not going to stand around and just watch.

you approach the newcomers, both your fathers and a couple other businessmen conversing with them. you wonder if they've already asked them how much they're worth or if they had the decency to wait a minute before sticking their noses in their business. but, you knew how people like them operated; decency was way too much to ask.

"hi daddy!" yuna enters the conversation swiftly.

"hi, sweetheart," her father responds, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "this is my precious daughter, mr. zhong." he turns to yuna. "he and his son are visiting us all the way from our china branch. yuna, introduce yourself."

she doesn't need to be told twice. "hello, i'm yuna. i'm 17 years old and i'm studying at daewon preparatory. we're glad to have you here.it's a pleasure to meet you both."

mr. zhong smiles fondly at her. "the pleasure is all mine, young lady. what a beautiful daughter you have, mr. shin. she seems very capable."

yuna's father pulls her close to him, smiling at mr. zhong then her. "she sure is." you catch the subtle wink he throws her way, a silent 'good job' for that cute little introduction she did which was sure to score them some popularity points with the zhongs.

your father pulls you close to him and wraps an arm around your figure. both mr. zhong and mr. shin seem to be quite the fans of physical contact and although your father was not, you know that if that's what it took to make a good impression, he would become one, at least for the night.

"this is my daughter, mr. zhong." he turns to you and you take it as a cue to say something.

"hello, mr. zhong. i'm y/n." your introduction ends there and you feel your dad's grip on your arm tighten, indicating how unsatisfied he was with your brief answer.

you catch mr. zhong's son smile for the second time that night. although there is no mysterious eye contact this time, just a cute boy probably making fun of your lame introduction.

"well, how old are you, y/n?" mr. zhong asks, making conversation for you.

"i'm eighteen."

"oh, so is my son! isn't that right, chenle?"

his son—chenle—nods.

"well, i think we should leave the children to become acquainted. what do you think, gentlemen?"

everyone seems to agree. then, all that's left is the three of you.

to your surprise, chenle speaks first and it's a reintroduction. "i'm chenle."

you copy him. "i'm y/n."

"and i'm yuna. so, you're from china right?" she doesn't give him a chance to respond. "i read that there are over four million millionaires there. are you one of them?"

he furrows his brows and you can't help but sigh at yuna's question. she was fixed on the money aspect of things, as usual.

"i guess," he says, giving it little thought.

she practically squeals. "you're probably one of the youngest in the country! have you ever thought about that?"

"not really. i don't really like to think about money or these companies or big shot business dudes or any of that," he says, bluntly. "i mean, it would just make me feel more privileged than i already am. besides, it's all just a big headache. i'll leave it for the old man."

yuna's face falls and you hold in a laugh.

you finally chime in. "you know what, i have to agree. so much money can drive a person crazy. sometimes it even goes straight to their heads."

chenle can't hold back his amused snort. both him and yuna know exactly who you're referring to.

she wastes no time defending herself.  "but, with reason y/n. to be fair, only 1% of millionaires are under 35 and here i am at 16."

you restrain yourself from scoffing. "well i'm sure the other 99% of the population doesn't get things handed to them on a silver platter by their daddy, yuna."

she stares you down, her huge, hazel eyes never leaving your e/c ones. "i think it'd be best if i excused myself. i'm going to go find my father, if you both don't mind."

"not at all," chenle mumbles as you both watch her stomp away.

you exhale loudly. "i knew i was gonna snap one of these days."

"well, if you didn't i would have," chenle responds.

"frankly, i don't regret a thing," you say, turning back to his smiling face.

"mm, and what if she tells daddy?" he inquires, folding his arms.

you playfully raise a brow. "i'll have you know, i'm one of the 1% of millionaires that are under 35, i think i have the advantage."  

he giggles. "oh god, that was unbelievable. where did she even get those numbers from?"

"i have no idea but it was just… painful to watch. i'm gonna need a breath of fresh air after that."

he nods in agreement and you both walk towards the nearby balcony.  you step outside, the breeze whipping your hair all over the place and leaving goosebumps on your skin.

"you know," he begins before silence can settle upon you two for too long. "i was really hoping there would be someone around my age here tonight. and i don't know if you usually come to these things or if you don't but either way, i am so glad you're here."

this comment reminds you of the way he had stared you down upon arriving and it makes your face feel a little warm despite the cool air of the night. "'cause i'm the only thing standing between you and a wonderful night with yuna."  

"oh i'm sure it would've been real wonderful." he gives you a 'yeah right' look. "we couldn't even hang around each other for more than five minutes, i'm positive it would've been a long night."

you nod. "every night with her is. usually she's the only person i end up talking to at these things and let me just say, i think she's more money-hungry than all the men in there combined."

chenle whistles, lowly. "combined? that's dangerous."

"yeah, she takes after daddy," you mutter, picking at your nail polish that has begun to peel.

"what a relief you don't," he says. "or else i think i would have thrown myself off this balcony by now."

"well, you don't have to worry about that. you and i are on the same boat. money doesn't interest me all that much. definitely not to that extent."

"what does interest you?" chenle asks, turning his attention to you instead of the city lights in the distance.

you shrug. "i haven't figured it out yet. i'm too busy trying to be perfect. and i have a long way to go. just ask my dad, he seems to have really strong opinions on the matter."

"oh, i get it," he says. "you're so focused on being the perfect daughter that you haven't figured out what's going on in there." he wiggles his finger around your forehead.

"i just… want to make him happy. i want to see him smile because of me. even if 'me' is that daughter he expects me to be. i'm okay with being her. i'll take it."

chenle furrows his eyebrows and suddenly he doesn't seem to get it anymore. "you really... become an entirely different person? just for him? i mean, you seem like a good daughter. i don't understand that, y/n."

"and you won't understand, chenle," you respond. "because your dad loves you. he lets you wear your edgy clothes to business parties and doesn't worry about what everyone else is gonna think. he doesn't worry about first impressions, he doesn't force you to become someone else for strangers. he doesn't put any business deal above you. he doesn't chose his job over you, chenle and that's great. i'm so happy that's not the case with you. but it is for me. and when you know that the only time your dad is going to want anything to do with you is when you can help him make a quick buck or good impression, you resort to facades and doing anything you can to make him appreciate you. just a little."

chenle's arms envelop your shivering figure before you can say another word. his hands run up and down your arms and his chin rests atop your head. he inhales deeply, taking in your wonderful scent. he knows it's probably some off the wall expensive perfume.

"i'm so sorry, y/n," he mumbles into your coconut scented locks. "i'm sorry that you have to do that and that i won't ever be able to understand it. you just deserve… so much more than that. do you realize how true that must be for a boy you just met today to see it? and it breaks my heart that your own father doesn't because you really shouldn't have to suffer through that. he doesn't have his priorities straight but that shouldn't be an excuse for him to neglect his own daughter." he detaches from you so he can look directly into your glossy eyes, holding you at an arm's length away.  "and he has no idea what he's missing out on, y/n. you're so headstrong, so humble and so much more than just a pretty face or someone's daughter. and if he can't treat you like the incredible individual you are then...." he exhales and you catch his breath blow in the air. "then please let me."

your bottom lip is quivering. you had never heard such nice words. and you don't have the slightest idea what he means by that last bit but you still nod and jump right back into his arms. because you have decided that's where you feel safest. where you can be yourself, freely and unapologetically.

"the second i walked in this place, i hated it," he mumbles and a laugh escapes your lips. "but then i saw you. and it got a little better. then i met you. and it got a lot better. we just met but i already can't seem to get enough of you, y/n." he chuckles as if he can't believe it himself. "you must be something really special. and i have the privilege of seeing that."

you move away from his chest and look up at him. your hands thread through his tufts of hair that match the darkness of the night sky. his hands stay planted firmly at his waist. you feel like he has no intention of letting go. you would be lying if you said you did either. and neither of you seem to have a problem with it.

"i can't wait for you to finally feel what it's like to be treated how you deserve. and i can't wait to be the guy to show you. i am so, so lucky."

you smile, your teeth on display. "i'm actually so glad i came tonight. that is definitely a first."

he laughs. "speaking of firsts..." he trails off, shyly.

you raise a brow, just to tease him a bit. "what are you getting at, mr. zhong?"

he knows you're joking yet his heart pounds as he leans in and asks for permission to kiss you. "may i, ms. l/n?"

"you may," you respond, meeting him halfway.

[draftingtides]

I’ll Find the Words

AO3

Words: 1343 Characters: Jonathan Sims, Martin Blackwood Relationships: JonMartin Warnings: Brief mentions of Martin’s mum being transphobic and generally unpleasant, Jons afraid Martin’s going to react badly to his asexuality but theres no actual aphobia Other Tags: Cottage Fic, Curtain Fic, Coming Out, Trans Martin Blackwood, Nonbinary Jonathan Sims, Canon Asexual Character, Getting Together, Canon Atypical Discussions of Emotions, Domestic Fluff, Post MAG159 Pre MAG160 Summary:  Somehow maybe now I'll find the words to say Never thought I'd see the day —Brian David Gilbert, "See The Day" In a cottage in Scotland, they finally get to talk.

Jon wakes slowly, the dredges of some re-lived statement slipping out of his mind. His face is half-smushed in his pillow, but through his free eye he can see Martin across the bed, still asleep. Sunlight filters in through the lacey curtains and draws patterns across the quilt and their hands, which rest only inches away from each other.

Following the slow rise and fall of Martin’s chest almost lulls Jon back to sleep. For the first time in too long, he takes a moment to just lay there and… breathe; to feel his lungs contracting and expanding, his body pressing into the mattress. He closes his eyes and his eyelashes brush against the pillow. He doesn’t have anywhere to be. He doesn’t have anything to do. He can just exist.

A shift of the fabric makes him open his eyes again. Martin is awake now, watching him. Jon watches back. Neither of them says a word.

I really loved you, you know? Loved, past tense—but everything is past tense in the Lonely. It was once-there-was-someone-or-something-but-now-it-is-gone-and-I-am-on-my-own. It still lingers, still hovers on the edge of Martin’s being. His hair is shock-white where the Lonely leeched all the colour from it.

Jon’s limbs are heavy from sleep, so his movements are clumsy when he reaches out and puts one hand in Martin’s hair. Martin sucks in a breath, but his expression doesn’t change, nor does he ask Jon to stop, so Jon doesn’t move. Martin’s hair is soft as candyfloss, soft as a cloud.

“I love you,” Jon says, pleasantly surprised when his voice doesn’t tremble.

Martin’s eyes go wide like saucers. In a voice as steady as Jon’s and soft as his hair, he says, “I love you, too, Jon.” He puts his own hand on top of Jon’s and tugs it down to press a kiss to his open palm. “I love you,” he whispers again, so quietly this time that Jon’s not even sure he was meant to hear it.

Jon twists his hand in Martin’s so he can twine their fingers together. “Would you like breakfast? We can make pancakes.”

Martin squeezes his hand. “Yeah. Yeah, breakfast sounds great.”

~~~~~

Daisy doesn’t have any syrup, so they make do with butter and honey on their pancakes instead. 

Martin fixes them both tea. If he notices Jon watching him while he does so, he doesn’t say anything about it. Jon accepts his cup with a murmured thanks.

The table is a tiny thing, and it’s no difficulty at all for Martin to link his left hand with Jon’s across it.

When he finishes eating, Jon pushes his plate away. “I… I’ve been thinking. About something Peter Lukas said.”

Martin’s expression tightens, but he nods for Jon to continue.

“He said we don’t know each other very well. And I… it’s true, I think. At least for me.” He focuses on a point just to the left of Martin’s face. “But I would like to know you. I want to know everything about you—not because of the Eye, just—just for me. And for you.”

Martin’s breath hitches. “I want to know everything about you, too.”

They leave the dishes in the sink and curl up on the couch, facing each other, never unclasping their hands.

“What do you want to know?”

Jon considers. “Is there anything you want me to know first?”

Martin bites his lip and looks to the side. “I’m trans.”

Without thinking, Jon says, “Oh, I know.”

Martin turns sharply back to look at him. “What? How?”

“Um. When I caught you in your pants when you were staying at the Archives? You didn’t have a shirt on and you were wearing your binder.”

Martin exhales and runs and a hand through his hair. “I thought you thought it was a tank top.”

“I did, at first. But it had the trans flag colours on it, and I recognised them. I didn’t want to do anything rude or—or transphobic, so I did a little research after that, and that’s when I figured out it was a binder.” Jon resists the urge to stick his hand in his mouth and chew on his nails. “I, ah, I’m trans too? Um, genderqueer.”

“Oh! What are your pronouns?”

“He/him, I think.”

Martin sighs, relieved. “That’s good. I hate to think I’d been misgendering you. He/him for me, as well.”

“When did… when did you start figuring it out?”

“Around fifteen or sixteen? I couldn’t really start transitioning until I was an adult. Mum was… not supportive.” He looks away. “I think I must have looked too much like my dad.”

Jon rubs his thumb over the back of Martin’s hand. 

“I got top surgery last year, after she died. I… I was scared I wouldn’t like how it would look, after—after I realised how much it would make me look like him? I didn’t want to have that association every time I looked in the mirror. But I decided to go through with it, and I don’t think it makes me look like him. It just makes me look like me.”

“You look lovely, Martin,” Jon tells him sincerely, and Martin flushes to the tips of his ears.

“What about you? When did you figure it out?”

Jon recognises the attempt to divert his attention for what it is, but he doesn’t comment on it. “Just a couple years ago, actually. I came across the term while I was researching after I caught you in your binder, but I didn’t really… connect it to the way I felt until later. I also found another word?” This time, he does bring his thumb up to his mouth to chew on his nail. “Asexual.”

Martin nods and squeezes his hand.

“It means… not having sexual attraction. Which isn’t the same as romantic attraction, um, they’re separate things. So someone could be asexual and biromantic, which is like bisexual except romantic instead of sexual. It’s—um—” Jon gives up on the nail and just bites down on his whole thumb. “It’s—some aces—that’s shorthand for asexual—some of them like sex? But some—they just—it’s not—”

“Jon.”

Jon shuts up.

“Are you asexual?”

He nods slowly.

“And you don’t like sex?”

He nods again without meeting Martin’s eyes. “I don’t even like kissing on the mouth.”

Martin tugs Jon’s hand away from his mouth and holds it with his own, so they’re holding hands on both sides. “Hey. If you don’t want to have sex, or kiss me, I’m not going to make you. I didn’t fall in love with you because I thought the sex would be good.”

“But you like sex.”

“I—well, yeah. Probably. But—”

Jon looks up. “Probably?”

“I’ve never actually… done it? I never exactly had a lot of time, between working and caring for my mum. I’ve never even had a boyfriend.”

“Oh.”

“My point is, I’ve gone my entire life without having sex. I can go the rest of it, too. Especially if it means I get to be with you.”

“Oh.” His eyes start to sting. “Um.” He pulls one of his hands free of Martin’s to wipe away the wetness on his cheeks.

“Do you want a hug?” Martin asks gently, opening his arms a bit.

Jon nods and falls into them without a second thought. He’s not a loud crier, but he muffles the little sounds he does make in Martin’s neck. Martin rubs Jon’s back and rocks them a little, making quiet, comforting shushing sounds.

The strong wave of emotion peters out eventually, but Jon doesn’t move from Martin’s hold. 

“You okay?” Martin murmurs.

Jon nods. “Thank you.”

Martin giggles a bit. “We really just started out with the the heaviest stuff, didn’t we?”

Jon laughs and holds Martin tighter. “Should I have asked for your favourite colour instead?”

“It’s brown. Like your eyes.”

Jon splutters and retaliates with, “Mine’s pink. Like you used to dye your hair,” and grins when Martin’s cheeks colour to match.

[rockinthebeastmode]

Hey! I was wondering if you were going to continue writing?! I absolutely love your stories and the way you write! I really hope you continue DLS, Night Shift, and Bad Company, some of my favs of yours! Have a good one :)

Absolutely! Tbh I havent been these past couple months but I definitely plan to try and write while I’m off work next week—taking some much needed vacation time to sort out my mental health and burnout 😝😅

I can’t give any previews of NS or BC bc of big spoilers 😬 and I dont have enough written of the next DLS to share but I can say the next couple are inspired by songs Business-CATB and Bloodsport-Raleigh Ritchie to give an idea!

Buuut theres a multichapter I was working on before this pandemic bullshit got worse, requested by @yes-please101 and a sneak peek-as well as tags- are under the cut! Thanks so much for reaching out! I appreciate it 😁

[[MORE]]

Finn hated making girls cry.

Not that he made a habit of it—he reckoned he could count on one hand the number of times he did within his twenty-some years, most being from middle and high school romances gone wrong. After starting uni and growing up a bit, he had a clean slate...until now.

“Look,” he started delicately, the girl swiping at her eyes as she moved away from him and off the bed, “I'm really sorry—”

“Don't bother,” she snapped before retrieving her clothes from the floor. His hand ran over his face and he sat up slightly, resting on his elbows.

“It's not you,” he said sheepishly and she nodded sarcastically, the bundle of clothes held against her bare chest.

“Thanks for the reassurance,” she snarked and he watched as she shook her head and turned to the door.

“See ya laters, yeah?” he offered, grimacing as her middle finger raised toward him and she strode past Archie with his hand raised to knock in the doorway. He looked down at Finn, shirtless and spread eagled on the bed with his jeans still undone.

”Didn't go well?”

His head raised just enough to stare at Archie coldly.

“I havent gotten off in two fucking years, mate.”

“Has it really been that long?” Archie said, slightly dumbfound. His head tilted curiously, “Maybe youre gay…”

Finn stifled a laugh and rolled off the bed to a stand. He smirked at Archie and stepped in front of him.

“If I was, I wouldn't be having this little problem, eh?” Finn patted his cheek, moving to pinch it as Archie scoffed and pushed him away, suppressing a smile.

Izzy appeared behind him with a flash of red hair, one of her million watt smiles at the ready.

“House meeting, in the kitchen,” she trilled, nearly jumping up and down as she urged them to follow her.

“For what?” Finn griped, bending for his shirt. He'd barely tugged it on and stood before she was dragging them down the hall excitedly.

When they entered, Finn sat down at Izzy's push but got up and turned the kettle on. Archie dropped to the table beside Chloe and smiled, wiggling his brows at her as Chop clapped for their attention.

“We have an announcement,” He paused for suspense, Finn rolling his eyes as he took mugs from the cupboard.

“We're moving out!” the two crowed simultaneously but to their chagrin, the three barely reacted.

Archie nodded with a murmured, ‘sweet’ while Chloe beamed encouragingly before inspecting her nails. Their exuberance faded as Finn focused on setting the table, his response little more than a grunt. Izzy seemed to sink before putting her hands on her hips.

“You lot don't even care!”

Finn snorted, Archie giving her an exasperated look.

“Well, Iz, it's not really a surprise. You two all loved up—”

“For months,” Finn emphatically chimed in from his bent position in front of the fridge.

“It's disgusting,” Archie finished, shaking his head, “Y’need your own space.” He shrugged and continued, only half joking, “When can I rent the room out?”

“The house will be ready later this week,” Chop grumbled as he dropped to a chair, his lips pursed.

“We’re mostly packed,” Izzy assured prickly, her arms crossing.

At that Archie stood and forced her into a tight hug, his arms winding around her neck and not long after, the others joined in, forming a laughing mess of tangled limbs.

***

“Oh, fucks sake…”

Rae ripped the bright pink eviction notice from the door, crumpling and shoving it in her bag. she struggled to unlock it, cursing as she finally entered the flat. She slammed the door behind her and leant against it, closing her eyes with a deep sigh. Rubbing at her temples, she shuffled to the kitchen and threw her bag onto the counter before taking her mail from it and thumbing through it quickly.

We regret to inform you your application has been denied—

“Blah blah blah,” she mumbled, tossing it aside.

Your account is past due, to avoid service interruption, please pay—

“Jesus,” she moaned lowly and pinched the bridge of her nose. She noticed the new message light blinking on her landline and pressed play, leaning over the counter with her hands clasped behind her head.

“Hey, it's me...I got the last of my shit out, left the keys on the counter… Liam trailed off and Rae looked up, frowning as she stared at the phone, “Y'know 'm sorry,” he apologized weakly before chuckling, “Maybe we’re too fucked up together.” Silence fell again and she could vaguely hear a voice in the background saying his name. “Right, talk laters then.”

The line clicked and Rae irritably wiped a tear away.

If you would like to save this message—

She bit her lip and quickly pressed ‘delete’ before going to the fridge for a much-needed beer.

She was surprised he’d called at all, given his penchant for avoiding conflict but he always loved having the last word. To be honest, she had planned on breaking it off soon anyway. She started looking at rentals and applying to jobs in hopes of moving out but he’d beat her to it.

If she’d known fucking a coworker would result in that, she would’ve done it months ago. With just her part time position at Town Records, finances were completely wrecked now. She drained half the beer in one pull, closing her eyes tight against frustrated tears.

The phone rang and her eyes opened, glaring as it continued. She considered ignoring it and going straight to bed but picked it up subconsciously.

“Hello,” she answered hesitantly, ready to yell if it was Liam's voice.

tagging these lovelies @eveerez @i-dream-of-emus @lilaviolet @laurielau @hey1tskat1e @tinakegg @kneekeyta @likeashootingstarfades @girl-looking-out-window @stinemarine @lurkernolonger @crystalgiddings1993 @milllott @milymargot @vivammfd @finn-nelson-for-the-win @ifinallyknow @isthistherightwayround @believethaticanandiwill @paisleystuff @arathewallflower @whatthefuckisthisfuckingfuckery

Let me know if you want to be added/removed from the tag list and if I missed anyone :)

[gigilalaka]

The Deage Troll Au. Update and Chapter 1

So, this was supposed to tell you all that want to read my still in progress deage au, that chapter 1 was out on my ao3 account. Well its not. I can’t get access to it on my pc and I’ve tried a couple of other methods as well. Now I’m just waiting for they guys and girls that run ao3 to find whats wrong. However I want people to at least read the first chapter so here it is. We will see what happends in the coming days but for now enjoy!

*for thought

‘for speak

Chapter 1 “ Good days gone bad”

Poppy looks out of one of her windows that she got installed barely 3 weeks ago, its soft rain that gos pit patter on them tonight and normaly she would hum to the soft sound but she can’t find the strengt nor heart to do it. Her mind is filled with worry and guilt over the small body thats currently sleeping in a small borrowed bed that Smidge had been so kind to give her. * What am I do to now?* the words keeps runing around her head as she hears a small whimper coming from the bed. She truns around to look at them and walks over with soft steps and just stops at bedside, the little thing looks like they are not haveing the best of dreams. She could not blame them, she bet shes haveing them tonight as well once she finally finds sleep herself.

She slowly stroke the little things face, tears silent runing out of both closed eyes. One out of lost another out worry the next out of fear. A small boyish voice filled with sadness and longing asking for the one person thats never going to be able to anwser back ‘ grandma, where are you?’ It breaks her heart just hearing it.

‘Oh Branch, I’m so so sorry. I should’t have brought that stupid flower to the bunker, we should’t have.’ she says as she looks at her boyfriend, now in a body of a 6 year old, his skin grey as dark ash, hair black as coal and a fearfull frown onpond his little sleeping face. It still amazed her how bad everything had gotten just within 5 days, and it all started when he asked her a favor of just getting some stuff from the deep forest. How she just wish she’d could stop her past self from taking that damn flower or just give it to the herbalist before she and Hickory went to visit him. Maybe then neither of them wouldn’t feel so bad like they do now.

‘I’m so so sorry, sweetie. I’m so sorry’ she keeps saying, tears anew starts run out her eyes again, while her mind drifts back 5 days ago, where it all started.

‘So let me see if I get this right?’ Hickory begins while he helps his brother over a giant fallen log with a rope around him and Dickory, while said brother is cursing up and down and to the high heavens for gifting him with this damn body and how he wish he’d have moveing hair like the pops have. It would sure make this a lot faster! Poppy stops to look at the bounty hunter, the half open basked strapped on her and one on each bounty hunters backs moveing a little showing herbs, barks, flowers and berries, a small smile froming on her face when Hickory nearly let loose the rope thats currently the only thing thats keeping his brother from falling several feet down, again. The small yodleller looking at the other one with a glare. Dareing his little brother loose his grip again on the rope, or else theres going to be hell to pay.

‘Branch is missing or gone out of several herbs and a type of moss thats used for a variety of diffrent meds and skin tonics? And he ask you to get them for him while he fixses something down in the bunker thats gone badly out of whack?’ For the past 4 months, Hickory and Dickory has been residents of said bunker while they are here helping the pop trolls build up their villiage again. Its part of the deal they have with Delta on the amount of charity works they need to get done with the country trolls and for what they did Poppy and Branch. First they had to help fixing some the homes and buildings back in Lonesome Flats, before they were sent to what remaind of the Pop villiage to help fix things there as well. Though to be honest, untill more of the trees and plants recover some more, theres little they can fix. Many a troll are still living in the undergrund bunker the resident grump live and build up, till some of their home trees are ready to take them in again. Though said grump was getting a little antsy with all the other trolls hyper-go-lucky energy. And endless will to party hard and as loud as possible.

Both he and Dickory had been very supriesed and shocked on how one troll had build something this lagre by the age of 15, get it so well stocked and maintain all alone for well over a decade. It was not for nothing that the other pop trolls called him the most prepared troll of the Pop villiage. *Though to be honest, we should have figured that out with how he was so prepared for just about everything on the journey* Hickory thought while putting the rope in his basket, Dickory finally on safe ground. He’s very sure that if they meet another log like that again, his big bro is just gonna swallow his pride and ask the queen for a ride over instead. It was getting very tiring getting past these forsaken logs for the both of them.

‘Yep’ the queen say, the ‘p’ poping as she said it.’ The Ruby moss is the most improtent one along with the Silver Drop Rose. They are used for some very serious bruns tonics and blood loss meds that I think even the funk trolls have never seen. Branch said that even if we only get a few of each of them, it still be enough to treat several dozen patients, but it would really help him and the doctors to have a bundle or two of each instead. They only bloom for the brief period between these 2 weeks. The rainstrom season is coming soon and they are going to be washed away soon when the first storm hits. Oooh look some more Dede berries! Miss Flourens going to be so happy that we gotten some of them, they hard to find this time of the year. Now she wont have to worry so much about the flu season’ The berries looks nice where they are hanging from their bush, a rich maroon colour with what looks like a golden stripe going around the oval shaped fruit. Poppy takes out a few small clay jars to store them in from her basket. She notes that she’s running out of room to store things. She take out a book from the basket she’d taken with her in her hair, incase she found any other herbs she’s not sure about. One of the many useful gifts Branch have given her the past 2 years.

‘So why did you take us with you girly? You know how that boy of yours don’t like us very much’ Dickory asked, it was a bit of a understatment, Branch had been rageing mad at them when he found out the their lie. Had it not been for the fact that Poppy's other friends was holding him down, Dickory is very sure he and his bro would not be walking at all. Its a bit better now, but non of the yodeller brothers wants to overstep themself the frail peace they have right now. Though he still wounders what the less colour full troll meant with ‘ this is just like what happened almost 2 years ago!’. He did not like the sound of it, not at all.

‘Mostly to give you guys some breathing room really.’ Dickory gets back, the queen is still getting some of the last berries in the jar. Then give them to him for storage in his basket. ‘Also, I know for a fact that since your both bounty hunters you guys was the better choice to take on this little trip when it comes to protection. Which I know mister grumpy is not going argue against, beside I’d rather take you guy over the other one thats avaialble.’ * The less said about Creek the better off I am* Poppy thinks, not wanting to take that guru on this trip today, lately the purple troll was trying to get them alone very often and that scared her.

The three continue their journey, stoping every now and then for a breather or a brief lunch, when they come to a area that has the herbs they are looking for. Its not easy to get to them though. The roses blooms on a small cliff thats very close to a river that has some very sharp stones jutting out and the moss prefer to be on the ceilings in a cave that is home some nasty creeps and crawls that no sane troll would want crawling in their pants. However, when they took a break near a tree, they a get a glimps of a snow white petals that seems to shimer in the light behinde another tree and some bushes a little father ahead of them. Hickory and Dickory is not sure if it is safe to go there, but Poppy is insistent that they at least check it out.

They come onpond a small clearing with a pond near the middle of it, a single flower blooming from the north side of the pond. Its white as snow that shimer in the sun light, with what looks like golden, amethyst and royal coalbolt blue bands around the base of the pastals forming a lovely small pattern of rings together. Its shaped like a tulip, if a tulip had slightly longer pastals and curly torns that is. They can smell a faint hint of sweet yet lightly bitter smell coming for it.

‘Now what in blues hell is this? Poppy do you know what this flower is?’ Hickory ask as he looks at the plant. Its very nice to look at and would make a wounderfull gift to a loved one, but dose not go near it. Neither he nor Dickory knew if it was safe to go anywere near it. No doubt that something had to be wrong if only the flower was the only thing to bloom in that pond. He dose not get a anwser for a while, the queen busy with her herb book to see what they have stumblot onpond.

‘Thats very strange. Its not in the book.’ the pink troll say with a mumble. She looks at the two and ask ‘ are there any sticks or stones near bye that we can throw? We need to check that its not a pond lucker. Those things are rightout nasty to deal with and I rather like to keep my arms or legs intact.’ A shiver gos down her spine when she think what happened to the last party group that went out to gather stuff from the deepest part of the forest. From a 35 group to only 14 coming back, almost half of them missing limbs thanks only to dose things. Was it not for that 2 of them had realy good aim, more would have been lost.

‘I think a saw some over there by the river. Gimme a min’ Dickory say as he runs there to get some. When he comes back the three of them each choice a spot to hit, but noting happens. They to it a few more times, just to be sure but is just a normal pond. Relief settels in a bit, but they move slowly near the flower. Once they are near enough, Poppy takes a few minutes to look at it, than take out a pair of gloves, a sturdy looking glass jar and a small spade.

‘Don’t tell me your gonna take that flower with you?!’ Dickory almost shouts. ‘It can’t be safe if it is the only thing that living in this damn pond!’

‘I have to. This area is the closest to the villiage when it comes to get these types of herbs. The others can take weeks to go to and fro. Finding a plant that we know nothing about so close here, I have to take this to our herbalists to find out what it is. For all we know it might do more harm than good to this area’ Poppy anwser back, most of her focus on the plant, not knowing how true her words would become.

Once she got it in the jar, she looks at them and says ‘Its best we go now. We don’t need to be here any longer’ the hunters agree with both of them tur-

‘WAAAAAA’ a scream comes out of Branch traped yet again in another nightmare that he can’t wake up from, sending Poppy out of her thoughts and chair like a rocket crash and running to him. She hugs him while the trolling continue to scream his heart out, his fear clear as day, small fists hitting her chest every now and then. His not stoping and his sob aren’t getting better either.

*My poor poor Branch. Why do you have to suffer more of this?* rings in her head, well aware that her boyfriend haven’t had this kind of nightmare in a long time. It seems fate still wanted to give the troll some more grief. All she can do now is hold him tight, whisper sweet nothings and patt his back.

Slowly but surely Branch began to calm down, and slowly Poppy sings whatever her tried mind can come up with right now not careing if they fit with the song whats so ever.

Sweet baby mine don’t cry

The moons here to sing you a lullaby

And am here to sing with stars

Sweet baby mine don’t cry

We are all here to make you smile

She continues to sing as Branch slowly starts falling to a peacefull slumber, but Poppy know its not over yet. She lays him back to bed makeing sure not to wake him. Once she sure his going to sleep a bit more she drags herself to her own bed try to get some rest before Branch wakes with another scream.

[dobrikswriting]

Broken

Request: Request: Can you write an image about David where the reader and him used to date but it ended badly, so the reader goes home (somewhere far like on the east coast) and tries getting over him. Because their relationship was public, her friends turn on her, so the reader tries to kill themselves and David finds out. Something soft and edgy

Keep the requests coming :)

TW: Suicide

"I don't think I can do this anymore." I said finally after about an hour of arguing. I don't even remember what started the fight but lately it seemed like we didn't need a reason to start going at each others throat.

"So you're just done with us then?" David said rolling his eyes. "Just giving up. That's so like you y/n" He scoffed.

"What are you talking about David?!" I shouted back, anger had worn off and I was just tired and drained and hurt. "I'm not giving up I am holding on to you for dear life but you can't be bothered to make any time for me at all. What am I even giving up on there isn't even a relationship here anymore all you care is about is your vlogs and your friends." I said tears starting to well up in my eyes as I looked at the man that once held all the happiness in my life. I loved him. But I was tired of feeling like I was the only one putting work into the relationship.

"Whatever it's my job do you like living the way you do?" He said not even looking in my direction. "I think you're right lets just end this." He said, no emotion in his voice as he got up from the couch we were sitting on and leaving to his room shutting the door behind him. I sat on the couch for a couple minutes. There was a part of me that was happy to be done with the fighting and almost optimistic of what the future could hold without having the pressure of the fans and the public. But most of me was sad. I don't know how we let it get to this point, we used to be the best couple. We used to make time for each other and we used to clear our days just to see one another. Now I was lucky if I got an hour alone with him once a week. I picked up my bag and walked out of the once familiar house that now just held a lot of memories I no longer wanted to remember. Not even the good ones. My heart ached and I just wanted to forget David all together.

-- 2 weeks later --

I unloaded the last box from my dads truck, setting it down and looking at the small apartment and thinking of ways I could make it feel more like home. "I'm glad to have you home sweetheart." My dad said pulling me in for a hug and kissing me on my forehead. I looked up at him and I know he could see the hurt inside me. That man has known me like the back of his hand all 22 years I've been alive. "I know it's hard right now but remember who you are. You don't need anyone to you special. You do that all on your own. Be young and have fun." He said pulling me closer before letting me go. "I gotta get back home but let me know if theres anything I can do for you. We'll do dinner tonight okay? I love you" 

"Okay I love you too Dad." I replied and giving him the most convincing smile I could before he left me and I could drop the act. 

Once I was alone I sat down on the floor looking around at the apartment. It was small but it would do. I never thought I'd have to move back to New York. I never thought I'd have to live alone or be alone again, but here I was and I was so truly alone. After the break up I thought I would get a clean cut from life and get a new start. That was far from the truth. When David and Liza broke up they did it in the perfect way where no one was at fault and this is what was best for them both, but for David and I it was a completely different story. I was just gone, and not mentioned except to be the butt of some jokes. No one tried to make it seem like it was mutual or that we both did things wrong. No one out right said I was a bad person but the second we broke up the fans ate it up and ran with it. Everyone thought I was this monster and of course thought that i treated David horribly or cheated or something. It wasn't even worth it to stand up for myself.

I had thought moving home would help to be around people that knew me before David people that were MY friends. But when I made the decision to leave LA I texted a couple people I thought would be happy and I either got no reply or a half hearted one. Its sucked being the less liked person out of a break up.

I stood up not wanting to think about it anymore and started on the unpacking. While I was doing that I texted a couple friends hoping we could get together and have drinks since I got back. I unpacked for about another hour before going to check my phone thinking I would have a couple replies but there was nothing. I sighed and laid down on my bed, as I watched the ceiling fan move in circles and thinking about what I was going to do I saw my phone light up out of the corner of my eyes, I perked up hoping it was a text. 

"New Video From David Dobrik" The youtube notification read. I hadn't turned them off yet. Something in me liked to watch them. I liked to see him being happy and having fun that was the David I fell on love with. It seemed like the breakup hadn't phased him at all. I started to watch the video until I couldn't see anything any more because the tears had completely blurred my vision. He was so happy and I'm falling apart. I had never felt so small.

How was it so easy for him to just move on and go about his day and pretend I never existed. How was it so easy for people who were supposed to be on my side who were supposed to me friends and my support system to completely turn their backs on me when no one knows the story. No one knows what happened but they're all so ready to believe some trashy internet article rather than me. I completely broke down. I hadn't cried at lot after the break up and it feel like my body was holding it all in for this very moment. I had never felt more alone. I cried until my body just shut down and I closed my eyes and fell asleep, my eyes no longer able to keep themselves open.

 I woke up with a pounding headache, and a little disoriented. I looked around and reached for my phone. One text from my dad fifteen minutes ago.

"Dinner in an hour sound good?" I quickly replied that I would be over soon. I had only slept for an hour and I still felt so exhausted. I got up and went to the bathroom to get some advil for my head before I realized it hadn't been unpacked yet. I sighed and started to sift through all the bathroom boxes to find it. I had found my makeup, hair supplies and skin care products but no advil. I opened the next box that thankfully did have the advil but something else caught my eye more. The orange prescription bottle that was full of small white pain killers. I had completely forgotten about the medicine from both mine and davids wisdom teeth removal. We didn't use most of the pills and we combined the two bottles into one after when we had to travel shortly after the surgery, wanting to have them just in case. I picked the bottle up and for a second I thought to myself that this was the dumbest idea I ever. The idea to take all them right now. 

But a bigger part of me wanted to take them so badly. It seemed like the answer that felt the best. The answer that would cause me least amount of pain. Just to be gone. I had already seen how easy it was for people to forget about me and move on so who would I really be hurting. I had always struggled with depression my whole life going off and on anti-depressants after I tried to hurt myself when I was in high school. Since I had moved to LA I had been able to keep myself on track with therapy and taking my medication but that hadn’t been happening lately.

I didn't take time to think everything through I just grabbed a glass of water and threw back a couple of pills with each gulp. I didn't keep track of how many I was swallowing I just kept going until the bottle was empty. I slowly walked out to my disorganized living room sitting on the cheap couch and laying my head back. A sense of peace washed over me thinking everything would be over soon. No tears, just memories going through my head.

My high school graduation, with all the people I thought would always have my back. I thought back to the first time I met David, a loud club with people dancing and music playing but I remembered the first time I saw him my world stopped. I smiled as the memory washed over me. I couldn't help but think how it would of been different if our lives weren't public. I could feel my stomach start to turn and my body starting to reject the contents I had filled it with. I focused harder the memories flashing through my head. A few tears welled in my eyes thinking about my dad and how much this would hurt him. Ever since my mom left when I was three it was me and him against the world. Even when he got remarried and had my little half brother, there was a bond between us that no one else would ever come close to. I hoped he would understand.

After a while my body started to go into panic mode as the drugs started to do the damage I had intended them to do. My brain was calm though and as my world started to break down around me I tried to find my happiest memory. The best thing I could think of to be the last time I ever think of. Davids face wouldn't get out of my head and all I could think of was the very first time we said I love you. We had just gotten back from filming a bit with Jonah's family and we were sitting on the couch, David had his headphones in and was focused on editing, I was about to go home so I kissed him on the cheek to say good bye and as I went to turn around he grabbed my hand. I looked back at him and he was looking at me with more love that I than I thought anyone would ever have for me. "I love you." He said softly. I can't explain how happy and loved I felt in that moment. I wanted to stay trapped in that memory forever. I remembered over and over again how his hair fell when he ran his hands through it, always perfectly messy. How good he looked in glasses, and how my heart raced when he looked at me with that little grin when he was slightly biting his tongue. I remembered everything, until I could remember nothing. And everything went black.

----

(David's POV)

I looked out the window as the plane landed, anxious to be able to get off the plane and get to New York. The last day had been a blur I almost don't remember how I got here. It started with Erin calling about a weird snapchat story she saw y/n's brother had posted and then finding out she had tried to kill herself. Thinking about what was going through her head to make her come to that solution made me sick to my stomach.

To think I played a part in her thinking made me feel like I shouldn't have jumped on a plane to see her. I should of left her alone and let her family take care of it and kept myself as far away from her as possible. She deserved better. But I couldn't I had to tell her how much she meant to me and how it would destroy me if something happened to her. The past few weeks without were the worst of my life. I hadn't talked to anyone about why we broke up, i think i just didn't want to admit that I was the bad guy in the situation. That I had fucked up and was focusing too much on things that didn't really matter and not enough on the one thing that was my escape from the world. The one person that had my back so much that I became used to it. I became used to it and I felt comfortable and all the things she did for me instead being grateful for them I started to expect her to do them. And when she left I realized the giant hole that was in my life without her, but i felt like I had no place in asking for her back. She deserved someone that always knows her worth not someone has to lose her to realize it.

The ride to her house felt like it was 10 hours long, hitting every stop sign, I wanted to scream at the uber to run every light. But I just kept my calm preparing myself for what I might be walking into. I don't know if she was even going to be there or going to let me talk to her but I had to try. It took a lot of convincing to her her brother to give me her address after he told she had already been released from the hospital and I needed to see her.

My uber pulled over outside of run down apartments. They looked dark and not the welcoming environment y/n usually surrounded herself with. I quickly got out and started walking to the entrance, walking down the hall searching for her apartment number. I stopped in my tracks as I saw her apartment. I took a couple deep breaths as I knocked on the door, I heard movement and was happy to see there was no peep hole on her door so she wouldn't know it was me and ignore me. I heard the latch on the door unlock and it opened.

 I almost didn't recognize her. She looked so different, tired and like she hadn't been eating. She had no emotion on her face until she realized it was me then she instantly moved to slam the door which I caught with my hand.

"Please just give me a couple minutes." I pleaded.She didn't even look me in the eye as she threw her hands in the arm and just walked back into her living room. I took that as an invitation and walked in shutting the door behind me.

"It's nice in here." I said looking around her new home, it was nice, but not as warm and inviting that her last place had been.

"Why are you here?" She asked sinking into the couch.

"I just wanted to see and make sure you're okay. Your brother told me what happened and I was worried." I said not sure if I could sit next to her so I decide to just stand. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know why he thought it was okay to tell you anything about me but I think you already know the answer to that question David." She spat back at me. "No I'm not okay but I don't need your pity party, I don't need you to pretend to care about me so you feel better about yourself so you can go back to your awesome life in LA and not feel like you had anything to do with what I did." She said finally making eye contact with me for the first time. I had never seen her eyes look so hurt.

"That's not why I'm here." I replied. "I'm here because I do care, I needed you to know that if you think i don't care about you, thats wrong. If you think I wasn't affected by you leaving, that couldn't be further from the truth. I had to interrogate your brother to figure out what happened he didn't want to tell me but I needed to know. I needed to know that you were okay and I needed to see you." I said looking away from her. I couldn't stand that I played any part in making her like this.

 "Look David that's thoughtful. Thank you for checking on me. You can leave now. I'm alive I didn't actually kill myself, your conscious can be cleared. Now you can go back pretending I never existed, like you have been since I left." I could hear the hurt in her voice as she replied back to me.

"I messed up. I should of never let you leave that day. I should of told you I care. I should of made changes so you could see that I care. I should of never let you feel like I didn't care to begin with. My life isn't the same since you left. And I needed to see you and tell you that I love you with my whole heart and I'm sorry." I replied back hoping she could feel the sincerity in my voice.

"Everyone turned against me. You just went about life as normal with your friends to distract you but I had no one." She said, my heart started to get tight as I realized my actions went beyond what I could imagine. "You didn't think to clear the air? You didn't think to mention that us breaking up wasn't my fault and that I had been trying for month!" She shouted. "Everyone left me because of you. I have no one."

"I'm sorry, I couldn't talk about you. I couldn't admit that I was the fucking idiot that lost the best thing that I've ever had." I moved closer to sit down next to her. "You have people in your life that care about you and I'm sorry for anything I did to cloud that. Y/n when I found out that you...... when I found out what happened all I could think about is that in that moment I would throw my whole career away for you to be okay. I don't care about it. Not like I care about you." I said I could feel tears start to form in my eyes, now that I was sitting next to her I could smell her perfume, the same one she always wore. It had an oddly comforting effect and I just wanted to reach out and hold her.

"That's nice and all David but it's too late." She said I could feel her start to get up."Please don't get up." I said grabbing her arm lightly. 

"If you want nothing to do with me I will leave and never bug you again. But y/n, if you give me another chance I will never mess up again." I begged. She stayed sitting next to me.

 "You can stay and we can talk but I don't know if its going to change our ending."

"I'll take it." I said back and she looked over at me and I could tell tears were ready to pour out of her eyes. She closed her eyes and began to sob. 

"I'm pissed that I miss you so much. I want to hate you and not need you." She said through tears. I didn't say anything as I held her closer to me wrapping my arms around her and kissing her head and she cried into my chest. 

"Everything will be okay." Is all I could reply as she continued to cry. It would take a while but genuine believed what I was saying. And i was willing to work to make sure it was.