#we should bring back highlighter... i am thinking this all the time...

[vulpinesaint]

Do you have a fav blush? Do you like cream, powder, or liquid blushes?

ok so my favorite right now is the colorpop blush stick in cottage life it is a wonderful like. terracotta orange that looks super natural on me. so awesome. also super super blendable it blends out so easy... also used the elf putty blushes and those are good, i have two of the like. orangey shades (<— orange blush enjoyer) (checked. i have bahamas and one that doesn't have a shade name but i'm p sure is turks and caicos) and they're rlly nicely blendable and buildable with good color payoff :) other than that i have the nyx sweet cheeks one that's like. a tube. in coralicious and that's also a good one that's rlly colorful! i have to put that one on the back of my hand before i use a brush to apply it though which Is a little more of an inconvenience so. y'know. it also looks like my sunburn shade in the summer so i have mixed feelings on wearing it then haha. i would say a cream blush is probably my fave? powder blushes are delightful obvi but in terms of what i actually wear day to day the cream ones (i think the elf ones are cream to powder. but y'know) are more realistic. liquid ones are cool but they are often just too pigmented for me... would never use the rare beauty ones cause i just don't need that much color and if i did i would just layer up more of the ones that i can use for more natural looks

[a-b-riddle]

Part Four

Can't stop thinking about reader losing her cool.

"So we're closed, John." You said, trying to be cordial.

"Is that all you have to fucking say?" He practically growled before huffing. A humorless chuckle rumbling out of his chest. "I suppose not since you won't respond to any of us."

"Don't do that." You said taking a step back. Trying to create some distance between you and him. John would never physically hurt you. That much you knew.

"What?" He asked. His voice rising as he stepped closer to you. "Be angry that you pulled that shit and then left? Stopped talking to us. Changed your fucking locks. Last thing we even knew about you was that you got on a fucking plane and left. Even your friends wouldn't tell us anything besides that you were okay." "Which considering this came out of bloody nowhere, I find it highly unlikely that you are in any way 'okay'."

You took a deep breath. You wouldn't be intimidated. You wouldn't clam up. You wouldn't cry. You won't go back on your decision. You will be cordial and polite and not unleash everything you want to.

"I understand you might be upset, but it's for the best. It wasn't working out and I wanted to end on somewhat good terms. I would appreciate it if you lowered your voice and stopped speaking to me in that way." You could barely recognize your voice. It sounded so scripted. So robotic. But it was something you had been telling yourself. Excuses you had been telling yourself.

Because if you told yourself the truth. The picture you would paint would tell a different story. It wouldn't highlight the fact that John spoke to you like he was one of your men or that Johnny had the emotional capacity of a teaspoon. It wouldn't show what a flake Kyle was or that Simon was well and truly a mean-spirited person.

It would show how you weren't worth it. Four possible men. Four possibilities of happily ever after and none of them chose you. That no one ever did and no one ever would. You weren't worth it. You weren't loveable.

It wasn't right, but it was what the voices had been telling you late in the night. When you would crawl into your cold bed. The silence of the room not filled with John's steady breathing or the sound of Kyle's heartbeat as you laid you head on his chest. The absence of Johnny's occasional snoring or whatever Simon was watching playing in the background of your dreams.

In the void, all your dark thoughts came back at you.

"Upset?" He asked, his voice still louder than you would have liked. "An understatement considering the stunt you pulled."

"You think it was a stunt?"

"So Johnny thought with his dick and didn't plan things out. You should have told him instead of crying to Simon and then pulling this shit." "Christ, I knew you were still young, but I didn't take you for that immature."

"You know what?" "I'm done." "I am so fucking sick of making excuses for you all." "You want to act like I'm the immature one, John?" "You are 35-year-old man who cannot separate his work from his work like. You have continuously talked to and down to me like I am one of your men, only to turn around and always blame your shitty fucking attitude on work. I get that your job is stressful, but I did not sign up to be your verbal fucking punching bag."

"And this come and fucking go incident with Johnny. It has been a consistent issue with him coming over just to fuck. I've asked him for that last six months that 'hey, we've been seeing each other for a year and a half, I would love to meet your family' and suddenly the dates stop. He doesn't ask to see me until after 7 PM. He brings food occasionally, fucks me and leaves. Sometimes before I even wake up."

"And the only reason Kyle is the person I am the least pissed off with is because I haven't even seen him." You took a step closer, not noticing how the anger in John's eyes had softened. "I have not seen Kyle in weeks, to no fault of my own. I stopped reaching out to make dinner plans after the third time he canceled on a date night when I was either on my way or already at the restaurant."

"And Simon?" You scoffed. "Well, it doesn't really matter. After all, as he said I get mine. You all make me cum which is supposed to magically erase how shitty you've all been as partners. It's supposed to erase the nights I've cried myself to sleep debating on whether or not there was something wrong with me. How I'm not good enough to meet anyone else in your lives like some dirty fucking secret. How none of you can even bother to pencil me for a group dinner so I can tell you a publishing house picked up my book. How at some point you all stopped caring or maybe never did."

You took a breath. Blinking quickly to keep the tears at bay.

You wouldn't cry. You wouldn't cry.

"As Simon said it best, I should have known that spreading my legs wouldn’t end with one of you putting a ring on your finger.”

For once, John was silent. Unsure of what to say. An apology starting to form at the tip of his tongue before realizing 'sorry' wouldn't cut it. Not this time.

Had he really been that sharp with you? He knew that there were times he had gotten short, but he almost always apologized immediately after. If not at the very moment he took in your crest-fallen face, then definitely later. But he almost always told you he was sorry. Didn't he?

"So as I said," you swallowed down the lump in your throat. "I'm closed. We're done. Now get out." Your face held no sadness. Even though your eyes were nearly full to the brim with unshed tears, you weren't sad.

You were finally angry.

[nellasbookplanet]

In the wake of FCG' fate I've been thinking about death in ttrpgs, and how it kind of exists on three levels:

There’s the gameplay level, where it only makes sense for a combat-heavy, pc-based game to have a tool for resurrection because the characters are going to die a lot and players get attached to them and their plotlines.

Then there’s the narrative level, where you sort of need permanent death on occasion so as not to lose all tension and realism. On this level, sometimes the player will let their character remain dead because they find it more interesting despite there being options of resurrection, or maybe the dice simply won’t allow the resurrection to succeed.

Then, of course, there’s the in-universe level, which is the one that really twists my mind. This is a world where actual resurrection of the actual dead is entirely obtainable, often without any ill effects (I mean, they'll be traumatized, but unless you ask a necromancer to do the resurrection they won’t come back as a zombie or vampire or otherwise wrong). It’s so normal that many adventurers will have gone through it multiple times. Like, imagine actually living in a world where all that keeps you from getting a missing loved one back is the funds to buy a diamond and hire a cleric. As viewers we felt that of course Pike should bring Laudna, a complete stranger, back when asked, but how often does she get this question? How many parents have come and begged her to return their child to them? How many lovers lost but still within reach? When and how does she decide who she saves and who she doesn’t?

From this perspective, I feel like every other adventurer should have the motive/backstory of 'I lost a loved one and am working to obtain the level of power/wealth to get them back'. But of course this is a game, and resurrection is just a game mechanic meant to be practically useful.

Anyway. A story-based actual play kind of has to find a way to balance these three levels. From a narrative perspective letting FCG remain dead makes sense, respects their sacrifice, and ends their arc on a highlight. From a gameplay level it is possible to bring them back but a lot more complicated than a simple revivify. But on an in-universe level, when do you decide if you should let someone remain dead or not? Is the party selfish if they don’t choose to pursue his resurrection the way they did for Laudna? Do they even know, as characters, that it’s technically possible to save someone who's been blown to smithereens? Back in campaign 2, the moment the m9 gained access to higher level resurrection they went to get Molly back (and only failed because his body had been taken back by Lucien). At the end of c1, half the party were in denial about Vax and still looking for ways to save him, because they had always been able to before (and had the game continued longer it wouldn’t have surprised me had they found a way). Deanna was brought back decades after her death (and was kind of fucked up because of it). Bringing someone back could be saving them, showing them just how loved and appreciated they are. Or it could be saving you, forcing someone back from rest and peace into a world that's kept moving without them because you can’t handle the guilt of knowing you let them stay gone when you didn’t have to. How do you know? How would you ever know?

[rockscanfly]

@noshirdalal's (Charles Smith's actor from RDR2) response to the prompt: "What do you think would have happened if Jack Marston’s bounty poster had come across Sadie and Charles’ desk post-epilogue? What, if anything, would Charles have to say to Jack?"

I trimmed the video for length (damn you, tumblr), but you can find the full 15 minute version on Cameo (where all y'all should go chuck your Charles questions as soon as you get a chance) here.

As usual, Noshir blew me away with the depth and care in his response. His headcanons are one of my absolute favorite part of being in the RDR2 fandom. Highlight from the transcript:

I like to think that Charles would have—and I imagine Sadie would to, but Alex would know better—I like to imagine that Charles would have taken the time to try to find him. To learn the kind of man that Jack has become.  I can imagine Jack sitting at a bar somewhere, I mean drinking whiskey or something and noticing a really large [laughs]. A really large man sitting kind of also at the bar but much further down just watching him. I think depending on what was going on I’d like to think that if Jack was in trouble at the time Charles would try to help him. Because he, ‘cause he has to.  But I can also see him watching John—I mean watching Jack from a distance. Getting the measure of the man. Helping him when he can, anonymously. You know if there are bounty hunters or enemies that are following him maybe he thins the herd a little bit. Betters Jack’s chances. But maybe he almost doesn’t have the heart to actually say hello.  There’s also something to be said for the idea that a man pays his debts. But also, like Charles has to recognize that Jack is a grown man. And a man also walks his own path. I can’t hold his hand, I can’t change the past. And who am I to know that the path that Jack is on is wrong? Would it be fair for me to try to deprive him of the justice he seeks?  Man, I don’t know. But it would hurt Charles, real bad. I think that would hurt him real bad. That's a wound he would carry to his grave. 

Links to other Cameos and transcripts that Noshir has completed in the past can be found here.

Full transcript of full vid below the cut:

What's up, Rocks? Hope you’re doing well. Sorry, it's getting down to the wire and I’m just, just got back a little while ago from Manchester in the UK and just getting home from VO [Voice Over] Atlanta [2025]. So I’m teaching a performance capture class there so I’ve got like a handful of minutes left to get this in so I’m trying to get it in and not have it fall through. So. 

Rocks always asking the [chuckles], the thought provoking questions. So. What happens when a poster of Jack Marston comes into my possession when Charles and Sadie are—in my headcanon—collecting bounties, kinda working together?

Well, I think the first thing that Charles would do is share it with Sadie. You know, Sadie and Charles are there with John when he—when WE think we’re bringing resolution to all this strife. When we think we’re kind of closing this circle and hopefully bringing the cycle of violence to a close for the Marston family. 

I think Charles and Sadie—I’m not gonna speak for Alex, or Sadie—but I would have to imagine. I would like to think they mourn together and also mourn in their own ways. 

I don’t know if it actually made it into the game, but there was, really early on in my sessions I had, like, hours of performance capture with the young, young actor playing, like, super young Jack. Taking him through basic tracking stuff, you know, the difference between a raccoon’s tracks versus a, you know a bobcat. A mountain lion’s tracks versus, you know, various deer and bear and stuff. And I think a little bit of—I remember I researched, like you know, traps made of like rope and stuff you could find like out in the wilderness, deadfalls and stuff like that. I don’t remember if we actually did that stuff but like. 

I think the gang…Jack is kind of like the gang’s son, right? Hosea like teaches him the importance of knots by like hiding it in, like, teaching him how to fish. I think everyone kind of came together to try to equip Jack with the things he would need to know to survive while still trying to celebrate the fact that he’s a kid even in these hard times. 

I haven’t played either of the games but I’ve seen images of Jack from the end of Red Dead. I didn’t really think much of it but now looking at those images as Charles, like through the eyes of Charles—how heartbreaking, I think that would be for him. 

To know that. To know that John tried so desperately to create, to create a home for his family, right? For Jack to grow up not knowing a life on the run full of violence. He really tried to go legit. And you know, Uncle and I helped him build that house from nothing. 

That house I think was kind of the symbol of the closing of that chapter. The idea that things can begin anew, that if we’re willing to put in the work that we can have a fresh start. That we are not chained, you know, like ouroboros. Like we are not bound to this never ending cycle. If it isn't a life that we want to live. 

And, you know, my best friend…was dying, but his last moments were hard in effort to give John—and through John, Jack—hope for a peaceful life. 

And, I mean the look on adult Jack’s face? He’s so angry. He’s so angry and so hard. And I think these are hard times and there’s lots of hard men and hard women as a result: survivors. [Looks off at a car making obnoxious noise] [quietly] For fuck’s sake. 

But, um. But even if it was naive or wishful thinking or just ridiculous hope—I think Charles wanted so badly for things to be different for Jack. Especially because I think Charles leave the Marstons feeling so good about the work he’s done. And so proud of his brother John for the work he’s done to reinvent himself, you know?

They had built a place with their own hands that is worthy of bringing John’s wife and son home. They’d built them a home. And to see Jack so angry and so alone after everything that’s been done I think would be really, really hard for Charles. 

I wouldn’t be surprised if Charles has to step away and like spend a week out in the wilderness just to get away from the noise of, the noise and kind of bustle of the every day. And grieve, in his own way. And come to terms with it. 

I mean, I wonder like, the idea of like a wanted poster for Jack Marston—I wonder if like, can you imagine if somehow Charles and Sadie were just blissfully ignorant of everything that happened with John. What a way to learn. But even if they werent, I think this is probably the worst fate they could have imagined for John’s son. For Jack. 

I like to think that Charles would have—and I imagine Sadie would to, but Alex would know better—I like to imagine that Charles would have taken the time to try to find him. To learn the kind of man that Jack has become. 

I can imagine Jack sitting at a bar somewhere, I mean drinking whiskey or something and noticing a really large [laughs]. A really large man sitting kind of also at the bar but much further down just watching him. I think depending on what was going on I’d like to think that if Jack was in trouble at the time Charles would try to help him. Because he, ‘cause he has to. 

But I can also see him watching John—I mean watching Jack from a distance. Getting the measure of the man. Helping him when he can, anonymously. You know if there are bounty hunters or enemies that are following him maybe he thins the herd a little bit. Betters Jack’s chances. But maybe he almost doesn’t have the heart to actually say hello. 

There’s also something to be said for the idea that a man pays his debts. But also, like Charles has to recognize that Jack is a grown man. And a man also walks his own path. I can’t hold his hand, I can’t change the past. And who am I to know that the path that Jack is on is wrong? Would it be fair for me to try to deprive him of the justice he seeks? 

Man, I don’t know. But it would hurt Charles, real bad. I think that would hurt him real bad. That's a wound he would carry to his grave.

[vincentvangoghs]

It’s been fascinating reflecting on Tommy Kinard as a character.

In season two, he was presented as this angsty guy who had something bubbling underneath the surface. He seemed confident, yes, but that confidence felt like somewhat of a charade and complete overcompensation to bury some deep-rooted issues brimming beneath the surface.

When we see him again in season seven, he actually seemed like a much healthier, confident, put together version of himself; perhaps, the self he only wished he could have been back in season two. Sure, he still expressed wanting to find a family unit like Buck’s and feeling envious that he still hadn’t. And yes, he hinted at a bad, non-existent relationship with his father. But nevertheless, he seemed to express these things in a healthy, mature—or, at least, in the case of his father, seemingly indifferent—manner, showing that he was capable of not just acknowledging, but processing and taking these things in stride.

Then, season eight arrives and somewhat blindsides us by merging his season two and seven personas, combining evolution with regression. Maybe he’s actually not as put together as we initially assumed. Sure, maybe his confidence isn’t inauthentic—at least, not anywhere near to the degree it was in season two—but it’s still masking some of his unresolved issues in the present.

Tommy’s relationship with Buck highlights this more than anything. Not so much, that they can’t and shouldn’t be together. They absolutely can and should, if they can just learn to communicate and, especially in Tommy’s case, stop jumping to intense conclusions while operating from such little information. But it really does seem like Buck, or, rather, what Buck represents—like the possibility of a healthy love, a soulmate, someone who actually stays, and so on—brings out some lingering trauma, shoddily repressed doubt, and crippling insecurities in Tommy, that make it very clear he still has some ways to go before he’s healed.

The way Tommy reacts to Buck really makes me question the amount of loss he has experienced throughout his life. Not just romantically, but platonically. We know he has a bad relationship with his father, but what else? Who else has he lost? How many have left him, and for what reasons? How many hearts has he broken, solely because he thought he was beating them to the punch? To what degree did his struggle with his sexuality contribute to all of this? We can assume he’s put in a lot of work, but how and what?

It’s just so wild to me that Buck tells Tommy he wants them to move in together, literally saying, “Why be apart when we can be together?” And instead of seeing that as the clear pre-cursor to an eventual declaration of love that it is, Tommy somehow interprets this gesture as a precursor to… guaranteed heartbreak. There is no healthy justification for this. It is self-sabotage in its purest form. And it always surprised me when some people in the fandom made this out to be just as much of a Buck problem as it was Tommy’s? Because sorry, I will argue that Buck was not at fault here. He was very transparent about his feelings in this moment and what he was hoping for out of his relationship with Tommy. The problem during this moment was Tommy’s and Tommy’s alone. That’s not to say Tommy had to accept Buck’s proposal. On the contrary, I think accepting at this moment in time would have been a huge fucking mistake, since Tommy clearly has some shit he needs to sort through before taking such a big leap with a boyfriend, Buck or otherwise. But what I am saying is that Tommy’s tendency to go from 0 to 100 on the negative scale is quite unhealthy, and he could benefit from some therapy. Although Buck has room for his own improvement, he can’t possibly know Tommy’s triggers and trauma, not when Tommy hasn’t communicated them. (And yes, this absolutely goes both ways. Buck needs to communicate his own! That’s their biggest obstacle as a couple. They are not communicating when it truly counts, and it’s honestly getting ridiculous.) Instead of vocalizing his fears and general concerns, Tommy convinces himself that his assumptions are factual, essentially putting words into Buck’s mouth, throwing a stick of dynamite, and proceeding to run away. And it seems like that’s possibly been his MO in the past, at least, for some time.

I also keep thinking of the kitchen scene in 8x11. Yes, I agree that Buck needs to work at reading Tommy better and choosing some of his words more thoughtfully. Again, they both do. But it is still so striking that Buck is clearly excited by the prospect of Tommy wanting to “start over,” yet, instead of Tommy asking Buck to clarify what his not-so-great speech about feelings actually means, Tommy immediately assumes the worst case scenario and… runs. Even though Buck’s speech clearly doesn’t jive with the words and body language and facial expressions he’d given Tommy leading up to that moment, and after, when Buck was clearly upset by Tommy’s reaction.

And I just know that Tommy still questions if Buck has feelings for him, even after seeing Buck’s disappointed expression at “I’m doing this for Chimney��� turned beacon of light smile after the “… and for you” in 8x15. It’s like Tommy can clearly see that Buck wants him just as much as he wants Buck, but his brain just isn’t fucking letting him reach that finish line necessary to feel entirely confident about it. (And again, I could say the same about Buck, when I think about it. I know his ass is going to think, “Does Tommy actually want to make this work?” even after Tommy’s fucking “And for you.”)

I’m not necessarily even complaining, although my language and tone probably suggest otherwise. It’s been fascinating to watch, and I think this is going to be a focal point of Tommy’s characterization (as well as the BuckTommy romance in general) moving forward, even after the big reconciliation that is clearly coming at the end of this season or during the first half of next.

Now, I would like to end this somewhat aimless rambling on a very positive note…

If there is one thing I know to be true more than anything—it’s that Evan Buckley will be the man who breaks all of Tommy Kinard’s unhealthy habits and assumptions. He will be the one who helps Tommy realize it’s okay to have hope, that it’s beneficial to communicate worries and to not always assume the worst, and to not set running away as a default. He will be the one who teaches Tommy that, actually, people can and will stay, and that people will do so because Tommy deserves that type of love and loyalty just as much as anyone else. And although this post isn’t so much about Buck, I also believe Tommy will show him the same, because although they react to and approach certain issues somewhat differently, they’re actually strikingly similar in certain ways.

Here’s to the eventual reconciliation, improved communication, healthier partnership, and general healing for both men—separately and together.

[tmwcs]

Bad Boy

Warnings: reader experiences sexual harassment/potential assault from an unnamed ex-bc, rough smut, smut with a stranger, implied creampie, breeding kink…

Who is the bad boy? 😏

She’s a good girl, crazy about Elvis. Loves horses, and her boyfriend too…

I’m a bad boy…for breaking her heart.

Tonight was the night when the major football game took place. It was a make it or break it moment for your college football team as the game would dictate and highlight the most select players to be drafted for professional football. You and your friends joined up and gathered around the best set of bleachers. You had to. Your boyfriend was the team's quarterback and you had to be in the front row to cheer him on.

Things had been edgy between you two. The ongoing arguments were likely a result of the stress of tonight’s game and finals combined. It was more arduous for him, as he was in his final year of college, whereas you had just barely begun. Still, the hardship of maintaining a relationship and your grades wasn’t easy, regardless that you were a newbie to campus.

The score was close, yet in the end, your boyfriends team emerged victorious and earned their way towards a bright future.

He drives you back to your dorm, where both your friends would meet up for some drinks, or so you thought.

“Let’s hang tight and have some one-on -one time after everyone leaves.” He tells you. You felt a bit uneasy, considering he was giving you that look when you both had barely spoken to each other.

Left alone with him on the bleachers, you started the conversation, trying to establish closure.

“Look, I’m sorry about the fights. I know we haven’t really spoken much, and only made up yesterday but I want you to know I am very proud of you.”

He looks over but doesn’t make any effort to converse back, instead he hums a hollow tune as he begins to pull the sleeves of your dress downward. “Wait! What are you—“

He doesn’t even make eye contact, instead he becomes rather forceful in all the wrong ways. “Come on you like it when I’m rough.”

You used to…

Back before the arguments, you used to dig the idea of your boyfriend tossing you around and going all in like a Viking while you took it. But this time was different, you didn’t really feel that strongly for him anymore. It was something you wanted to refrain from bringing up until later, but now seemed to be the time to let him know that…

“I think we should break up…”

“What?”

“I…I know about what you did with…with her.”

Yeah. Maintaining a relationship is hard when you’re studying and trying to earn top grades. But it’s a lot harder when rumors of your boyfriend's infidelity becomes a popularized topic among your peers. To make the wound deep was that it was with your best friend that he was conducting the affair with. Last night, you saw the photos on her phone after she passed out, and as angry as you were, you didn’t have the heart to force any type of drama until after the big game.

“Okay…so I slept with her a few times. But I promise it was only during your periods.”

You shot a scorned look. “I saw the dates in the pictures.” Hinting at the timeline not meeting up, he sighed as he continued while you did your best to shove him off.

“Stop…I said stop!”

You began shouting when suddenly, a popping sensation stung your cheek. You were shocked as you realized he had just slapped you, but it didn’t become reality until the tangy taste of blood dripped from your lip.

He pushes you down and takes advantage of your short floral dress, and positions himself in between your legs as he rushes to undo his belt. You yell out and flare a series of kicks as you try to get away, yet he overpowers your attempts as he pins his weight down on your body. Plastering the sides of your face with his kisses, you shove and sneered away as you continued with your attempts, though it was all futile. Exhaustion begins to take over and you sense the horrifying loss as you feel the tip of his member poking your inner thigh as he tears your panties.

Suddenly…

“What the—“

The weight of his frame is lifted so abruptly off you as you face forward and gain a clear vision of what was going on.

“Get the fuck ou—“

The sound of your boyfriend's voice is halted still and shut as you hear the audio smack of knuckle meeting his jaw, or perhaps it was his cheek. It happened so fast that you couldn’t make out the difference, all you know was that you saw the one that conducted the deed.

Flinging him off as if your boyfriend was a ragdoll, you watched as the strong arms of your savior become tender as he leans forward and kneels, presenting you a hand. He doesn’t say a word, instead he nods as he implies for you to take it. He pulls you back up on your own two feet, and rushes you under his arm while he takes you back to his car nearby. The slight bit of cigarette smoke and the musk of his cologne mixed together impaled your nostrils as he opened the door and tucks you in the front passenger seat.

You recognized him. He was in the same year as your boyfriend…or former boyfriend actually. He was somewhat of an outcast, not one that you ever really conversed with though you normally spotted him hanging out at the bleachers smoking and joking with his equally delinquent friends. Dressed in jeans, a fitted tee with a flannel over shirt left unbuttoned, it was obvious that he wasn’t dressing to impress anyone.

He starts the old steel vehicle and drives off. Once he hit the main road, he finally spoke.

“Where’s your dorm? I’ll take you there.”

You shook your head as you started to sob once more, only quietly this time. Fingering the shredded tatters of your dress, you hang your head low as the silky strands drape over, hiding your face. “Please…just take me to the airport. I can’t be here….everyone is at my dorm and I don’t want to see anyone…I just want to go back to my home.”

He doesn’t say a word. The sound of the steering wheel turning left, then right, was all the noise that filled the entire car ride until finally he puts it in park.

He really took you to the airport?

“Come on.” He sighs as he hops out and opens the door for you.

“This…where are we?”

“We’re in my frat home.”

“F-frat? You’re a part of a fraternity?” Your surprised tone causes him to smirk as he walks you to the front door. “Yeah, I know.” He nods, already aware of the presumptive appeal that is otherwise an irony. “I’m a bad boy, but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid.”

You’re not sure what made you even more confused, the fact that the college delinquent belonged to a frat or that he actually earned decent grades and was a promising student.

He walks you to his room quietly as he fixes the bed. “You sleep here.” Grabbing onto a spare comforter, he makes his own little nest on the small loveseat on the opposite end. You felt so humbled at the fact that the man was willing to lend you his bed while he prepared to sleep on such a small couch, considering his height and stature.

“Thank you…but I really don’t want to inconvenience you. I feel a lot better now, I think I should leave you alone. I don’t want to be trouble and get you involved—“

“I want to be involved.” His tone was deep and somewhat hoarse as he smiles, switching his gaze down to the floor before making their way back to you. “I’ve been wanting to get involved ever since I first saw you at the bleachers…when you came for orientation.”

His confession made your heart melt as you raised your eyebrows with peak interest. “Y-you did?”

He nods. It never occurred to you that you would catch the eye of a delinquent, just like you never realized that closeup, the man was actually quite handsome.

His lengthy strands delicately framed his brows as he steps closer.

“I…” he begins before taking a slight pause. “I can turn your night around…and do it the right way, unlike that scumbag.” He proposes.

At any other given time, you’re quite sure you would have rejected, regardless how dashing he may have appeared. But with the way he came to your aid and was presenting you the opportunity to consent, your heart faltered. “…show me.” You whispered.

He softly rubs your cheek as he swipes the dried blood from your lip. “It’s going to hurt…and I’m going to fuck you hard…remember, I’m a bad boy. There are no…safe…words…y/n.”

He knew your name.

You felt the tingle ringing in between your legs as he outlined the aggression of his passion and proposal. To hell with soft sex anyhow, you wanted it.

“Please…show me. I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give. Just turn this night around.”

He smiles. “Good girl.”

He pulls you in as his strong hands colored your entire body. Finishing what that bastard tried to do earlier, the man before you was a true man as he tore off your dress, but never lost the velocity of his tenderness and passion.

He sucks on your neck as he takes a fistful of your hair and aggressively pulls your head back, only to balance the moment out with him tenderly licking the bite wound. Reaching down, he inserts two of his fingers. They were cold and sharp with the way he injects them, yet immediately warmed up as your walls soothed the shocking temperature and created a beautiful sensation. His coarseness with your silky flesh, mending together as he thrusts his hooks in and out, starting off slow and steady, gradually increasing in tempo.

“Oh….oh my God!….”

“Tell me how good it feels baby…” he whispers as he nibbles on your lobe.

“Mmmph!” You bite down on your lip as you hang on by the clinging grip of his muscular biceps. Lifting your leg, you hook it around his waist as you yearn for more, in which he gladly obliged.

He looped his free hand under your kneecap and propelled you up and back as he slams your body on the bed. He coats your entire body with kisses as his fingers continue to thrive in and out of your womanhood. Finally, he releases his internal hold on you and presents his flick digits to your lips. You took the hint and licked the glistening coating off, until he shoved them into your mouth altogether, inheriting a whole new line of moans from your throat.

The sound of his jeans coming undone slightly echoed as he buries his face into your neck, mumbling against your skin while he tells you how beautiful and delectable you appear underneath him. With the tip of his nose pressed against your cheek, and his lips plastered against yours, he smiles. The stretch of his grin could be felt against your cherry stained pout, igniting a gasp as you felt yourself gush in front of him.

He takes the bold tip of his cock and slowly slides it in. “Ah! Y-you’re too big!”

“Fuck yeah I am.” He whispers rather ferociously as he continues to go in deeper…and deeper.

“I told you…I’m a bad boy…a big…bad…boy.” He grunts in between his words as he presses forward, burying his thunderous rod deep into your walls.

He settled once he was all the way in. “Ready to get fucked girly?”

You eagerly nod as you catch your breath, or try to. The moment he garnished your final consent of the evening, you were down for.

He draws out his length, slowly. As soon as you feel he is about to fully exit, he rams it all back in. Each of his inches swarms back into the cavity, but it didn’t stop there. Pumping it vigorously, he maintains a solid pace as he reaches further and deeper into you. What was this feeling? This sensation? It was mind blowing. Compared to all the instances when you engaged in sexual contact with your ex, none of them had ever amounted to the rage this man was taking out on you. He was massive, rough, hard, but also soft and tender. He was both black and white, your Heaven and Hell. He was…he was….

“I-I…I can’t breathe! Oh God! Please don’t stop fucking me!”

He continues to pump his shaft harshly and tenderly as he stilts himself on his kneecaps and rubs his thumb on your clitoris. In circulation motion, he gives the external stimulation of pleasure to pair with the drumming throb you felt inside.

“That’s it girly, let me fuck you real good. You’re doing so well, you know that?”

His stiff member thrusts in and out repeatedly. His testicular sacks slap into you, staining the under skin of your vaginal opening bright red as he jams into you. Your body absorbs the impact and shifts around. Like a ragdoll, you felt yourself being tossed by the momentum of his thrusts as your body went left, then right, only for him to grab you by the arms, pinning them to your sides as he straightened you back to center and never breaking the pace.

“Na-uh. Gotta stay still for me baby, we’re going to do this the right way…me and you.”

Your eyes remained squinted shut at the immense pleasure that rampaged in between your legs, yet the vagueness of his words caused you to reach for clarification. “The r-right way? Uh!” You gasped out as you felt the pinch of lightning pleasure the moment he flexed inside you.

“Yeah baby…the right way. Gonna turn us into parents—ah! Fuck!…gonna make you mine forever. Whadya say?”

It was careless, risky, and completely irresponsible…but it made it even more dangerously sinful and absolutely pleasurable. At that moment in time, you didn’t care about anything or anyone, you wanted him. All of him.

He pumps faster and harder, causing your breaths to shorten as you gasp for air while moaning your heart out. “Oh my God!”

“Fuck yeah baby.” He gasps as his rhythm increases. The shortness of his breath indicates he was close as his abdominal region moves at an awesome speed, back and forth as he pummeled into you wildly. Sensing that you were close as the squelching grew louder, he bids you to come undone as the knot snaps in your lower gut.

“Cum on it. I want you to cum on me baby.”

You released and let it all go as you felt loss of control in your body. The shakiness lasted for an eternity as you grabbed your own breasts and gripped onto his forearm for dear life.

“Fuck, make me cum baby.” He grits as he plunges one last time, deeper into you than before. A second later you feel the warmth of his seed staining your walls as he collapses against your frame, declaring his honest love as he decorates your face with small kisses. “Stay with me baby. I’ll never let anything happen to you, let me take care of you and be the one.”

It was like cupid’s arrow struck gold. A product of love and passion emerged as you wrap your arms around his neck and pulled him in. Here all along you thought the night was going to end terribly when your ex didn’t take your breakup well, only for it to end blissfully as your savior became the one to do the unexpected. Kissing him, you released as it occurred to you…

“I don’t even know your name…” your voice trembling as you recover your composure from the exploding shot of pleasure that still rhymed within your womanhood, even after he stopped and rested inside.

Riddling a tune, he softly says his name into your ear. His voice came out almost haunting in the most delightful sense as each letter tickled your canal. It was foreign and he exotic, and he knew how to get you to speak it aloud.

“Say it with me baby, S-u-n-ghoon.”

“Sunghoon?”

He paused as he bites his lip. “Oh fuck baby…when you say my name….it just….come here now.”

You feel yourself being dragged down towards him as he plasters baby kisses on your inner thigh. Through the overstimulation that robbed you of your other senses, you allowed him to continue. You would have been a fool to stop him, after all, it was a perfect night to make up for lost time, considering you spent all your life with the good boys. Now that you got a taste of you bad boy, you’re not sure if you ever want to be good again. It’s better to be bad.

[craving-for-chaos]

Sage and the pressure she's under

Y'know, something interesting I noticed while scouring agent voicelines—as I do—is the way the other agents talk to and about Sage. What really got me thinking about this was Waylay's voiceline about her: "Their Sage is good, but she is so stiff! I just wanna go over there and shake some fun into that girl."

One could argue that this is in reference to Omega Earth's Sage, who seems to be more ruthless than Alpha Earth's, but I feel like that doesn't hold up considering this could be said by Waylay regardless of whether she's attacking or defending. Technicalities aside, though, I got curious, and noticed that the other agents seem to (intentionally or not) place Sage on a pedestal.

I've mentioned in a past post that Sage has a very noticeable tendency to take on more responsibility than she should, which is very evident in the way she talks to the other agents and about herself. A few examples:

"I will defend you all with my power and with my life." "I wasn't strong enough before. But now, now I am strong enough for us all." "I will do anything for you all. I will subvert the flow, I will hold back the tides." "I will hold up the sky." "Trust in my healing."

Now, a lot of her voicelines are very team-oriented; encouraging other agents, boosting morale, highlighting teamwork, rallying cries, etc. I suppose these lines I quoted could be her attempt at reassuring her team and reaffirming trust, right? It's still a bit concerning, but maybe it's nothing all that deep.

And then I looked at what the other agents say to her. Most of the time, agents will get a wide range of voicelines about them, anything from wariness, to playful and impressed compliments, to talking about plans for off-field activities. Sage should be no different...except that she is.

One glaring common thread that nearly all of the ally voicelines toward her share is expectation.

Astra is quite literally the only one who doesn't have a single line putting pressure of some sort on Sage. Other than her, every agent talks about/to Sage almost like she isn't human, or like she's above them somehow. Most often, when agents compliment or commend her, there's either a sense of awe or lack of surprise. It's not like they're saying, "Woah, that was cool, good job!" It's more like, "Wow, how are you real?" or "You were incredible—just as I knew you would be."

Here are some examples to hopefully make my point a bit clearer:

"Sage, you're working miracles." "So, Sage. You can bring people back from the dead? Anyone? No constraints? Interesting." "Sage, you are truly limitless." "Glad you're here Sage. With you we can't lose!" "Everyone just learnt what I already knew; you're wild Sage!" "Damn, Sage, you do everything. Why are the rest of us even here?" "Sage, "healer," what an understatement."

Even when they AREN'T commending her, there's this strange trend of the other agents still placing responsibility on her, whether that means literally ordering her to help them or reminding her that she is meant to be a powerful leader. Again, some examples:

"Sage, if I die out there, you're in charge. Someone has to look after these knuckleheads." "Sage. Keep me alive. I still have things to do." "Stay sharp, you don't get a second chance in combat, unless Sage is involved." "Lead the way, Sage." "Keep those heals comin'!" "It is strange, Sage. Where I'm from, you're no medic, only a weapon." "Yo, doc! Keep us topped up!" "Sage, let's keep everyone alive." "Sage, protect the others." "Sage, you're the only one who can keep us alive. Don't fail us now like you failed me then." "Show me what you got, Sage." "Stand strong, Sage."

To be clear, I'm sure some of these are meant to be playful and innocuous! But even with that in mind, it doesn't change the fact that almost every single agent treats her as "other." More often than not, she's reduced to her radiant abilities, and even when she isn't, she's shoved into the role of "strong, reliable leader." They don't treat her like just any agent, they treat her like she's a symbol, or something akin to it.

She's there to heal them, to support them, to lead them. It's not about who Sage is or what she wants, it's about what she can do, it's about the role she plays in the Protocol. It's almost worse that so many of these voicelines are thoughtless, because that means that this is such a deeply ingrained opinion that the other agents don't even consciously think about it. It's just a fact in their subconscious.

When everyone talks to and about her that way, it's easy to see how the others are likely reinforcing her savior complex. Even her voicemails to Brimstone (there are only two) are about OTHER PEOPLE. In the first she talks about approaching Deadlock with an offer to heal her arm, and in the second she talks about empathizing with Omen and wanting to help him. She even explicitly says, "If I know his pain, maybe I can heal it."

Every single thing she does is for the sake of others. She's genuinely afraid of not being enough for them, and that's just...painful. Hell, even in the Die For You music video her worst fear is implied to be losing the ability to heal and therefore being useless to her teammates. And then what does she do? Heal Brimstone and run straight into enemy fire.

Going back to Waylay's voiceline about her, though, it somewhat surprised me that someone is acknowledging/noticing how stressed Sage is all the time. It's not the first time someone has, as Astra has a voiceline saying, "Mad love, Sage. Come on, girl. That win's gotta be worth a smile!" and Skye also tells the others to bother her instead of Sage, but still.

Anyway, this is just my interpretation and analysis of things, of course, but I thought I would share my findings. Justice for Sage :(

[parisoonic]

I just want to say I love how you do your lineart, it looks so good! ahhhhhhhh!!

I'm gathering a lot of advice about the topic of lineart and I just wanna know how you get it to look like that? My line weight is getting better but the drawing itself just comes out a bit.. weird.

Thank you so much! Lineart is probably the thing I've been working hardest on as I am not a lineartist (and still struggle a lot) but it's something I really need to get better at for my job. UM there's honestly so much that could be said on the topic of lineart. Big things for me are:

Weight -> Use line weight (aka thickness) to describe form, lighting, contact and scale. Thick lines imply shadow, contact and nearness-to-camera. Thin lines imply tension, recession and light.

Straights vs Curves -> Use straight lines against curved ones for maximum interest. This is partly a character design thing but as we're using lines to describe our characters it's worth mentioning :)

Complex vx Simple -> Use complex lines against simple. Faces are always complex so therefore the backs of heads should always be simple. Chests are quite complex so backs should be simple. Dorsal sides of the arms are complex (Delt, tricep, bicep) whilst the ventral side is more simple (tricep...mainly) etc.

'Think in Ink' -> Lower your sketch layer almost to 0% opacity so you're not getting hung up on how nice/energetic your sketch look and instead are approaching the piece from an ink mindset. BUT it's digital! So if there's something in your sketch that you like just bring it forward (copy and paste) into your ink layer. I sketch and ink with the same brush so I can use this workflow

'Confidence' -> small hesitant feathery lines will look nervous compared to big swooping lines. Less is always more. I'll redraw arms/limbs until I can get the appearance that it was done in one brush stroke. Again it's digital so you can erase to cheat this look : )

MISC 01: I always hear 'draw from the shoulder'........meh............it's digital so draw from your wrist...it's fine honestly. If we were working at A1 in a life drawing class then we could get some shoulder action going but most of us are hunched over 16inch tablets. I think this advice aims to pull people away from feathery-nervous lineart honestly which you can improve on without relearning how to draw from your shoulder.

MISC 02: For a 'smoother' look do your lineart at a larger canvas size than you need. Once I'm happy with a sketch I usually double the canvas size and do my lineart then.

MISC 03: In PS (at least) anti-aliasing goes funny at any zoom level that isn't in the 5 times table. So try not to look at your canvas when you're zoomed in to 87% or 71.39% or something crazy. Just stick to 25%, 50%, 75% and 100% if possible.

UNFORTUNATE TRUTH: Lineart is incredibly based on raw draughtmanship I've discovered. When you're working with colour you can hide a lot in rendering (shadows, highlights) or post-processing (depth of field) but in lineart all your mistakes are just...there for people to see. There's ways round this...which I use A LOT. 'Flourishes' (I use 'flourishes' to mean over-confident lineart where it veers particuarly thick or particuarly thin in contrast to your approach in the rest of the image) can sort of trick people into thinking you're more confident about an area than you actually are.

As well as leaving 'breathing room' within your lineart instead of actually...resolving the area. I do this the most around the face and hands.

Hopefully some of this helps? Honestly there's a lot of deep dives that could be done into indivudal things and there's also the massive caveat that all of these are 'guidelines' and not strict rules. I also favour a more...concept-arty? animation-y? storyboard-y? look to my lineart which favours flourishes and breathing room for a incomplete/work-in-progress feel which would make methodical colouring (ie: for a comic or something) a pain.

Keep up pratice is the main thing and doing studies of artists who you like that have great lineart - you'll pick up draughtmanship skills along with the lineart studies. Here's some of my lineart from a year or two ago...it varies between very 'standardised' (which makes it difficult to read volumes and to be honest, it's boring) and 'TOO EXCITING' (which...also makes it difficult to read volumes and for the eye to rest).

I'd like to share my brushes at some point as I've found 3 that I really like and use for everything more or less. I discovered that a shocking low amount of people use PS on tumblr (shocking to me I guess as i'm so used to PS being the standard) and everyone seems to use Procreate or Clip Studio Pro...so I want to check that the brushes are Procreate compatible at least before I share!

[sugar-petals]

I loved the TXT Kibbe post 😻 sometimes I wish I could go all Irene on the stylist and just yell at them for how they dress Soobin mostly, the poor thing is drowning in those humongous baggy clothes, it’s like they swallow him. They don’t know how to dress him and that’s a shame cause it feels like they’re wasting his best features 🫤 they focus too much on Yeonjun and forget about the others, but they’re just as beautiful and important ☹️

yes! it's a frequent pattern overall 🤔 i tried to look at the bigger picture and root issues.

"why's my bias dressed like THAT?" | points on fashion choices in k-pop groups

ON 'VISUAL' OUTSIDERS: like you i noticed how the overlooked/ "odd one(s) out" in a group often have body types that go against what the company vision or marketing is about, if that makes sense. it's unfair and strange how some idols are carelessly cast for groups where they are put on the backburner (unless they don't want the limelight as much, that's a legit concern). but from the fan perspective... you know how it is. we don't want someone needlessly left out. it sometimes takes a new concept or event/occasion (= other dresscode) for the visual outsider to shine. sometimes too briefly and then its back to the usual hierarchy or underwhelming outfits, while others are lucky, take the laurels. the other side gets dressed '80 years old' style, even on stage, which basically says "we underpromote you" in fashion terms. that's how soft dramatic idols (jin, soobin...) get the casual FN style or grandparent treatment.

HOW TO FIX THAT? it doesn't have to be that way. to me, groups should be dressed "all out", but customized, coordinated, with more interesting colors; why not try something different: sky's the limit in k-pop where especially men have extreme fashion freedoms. to me, ATEEZ frequently wins best collectively dressed, their only achilles heel is the hairstylist imo 😅 but every outfit is a highlight, 80% of the time i see them. to the point where there are storytelling and palettes in their fashion! ateez is hard to forget because no outfit is disrespectful to the wearer. it's demanding, it's "yes i am someone"/"we are someone".

FOCUS ON FACE > BODY: it's surprising how a country where color analysis is so widespread, stylists bring more than their a game, and makeup / surgery are crazy advanced, body type-fitting styles are so neglected. it puzzles me. though i think thanks to early kpop music videos — SM is the culprit here — and SNS, face focus + shock value outfits became more important.

HEIGHT WARS: many idols are petite and sadly there is stigma to be of a certain proportion, heights are tweaked... relying on facial appeal takes at least that pressure off. it got more intense over time: popularizing an exo vocal line (they're all yin-leaning) would not be possible today. they'd all have to be yang face types, many surgeries, wear huge insoles, and not get famous on merit but hype. unsurprisingly, stylists always boringly dressed them as pure classics to evoke sophistication, not as the romantics & gamines they are. the upside was, people paid attention to the voices > outfits. but it's still lazy and ill-fitted styling, and underwhelms on stage.

TYPES WITH TWO ESSENCES: yes, unfairly, some kibbe types are more flexible in fashion than others. Classics like yeonjun or FGs like taehyun embody both yin and yang influences. they can do short, medium and some longer silhouettes. while Dramatics, being so tall, are 90% bound to only longer lines and need custom clothes to fit their endless limbs. soobin is one among many there. fans love duality, so gamine and classic and subtypes win this one since they are two kibbe types in one.

OVERSIZED TREND: since fast fashion rules, stylists merely choose a larger size if something doesn't work and boom... tall guy is ironically lost under all the fabrics. that's how oversize was born: awfully, sloppily, quickly designed and tailored clothes with no substantial fabric or body to them. i hate almost all of it. companies save even more if they make it cropped and sell it for the same price. the only kibbe type that can wear this well is pure natural. for SN, it has no proper waist accommodation, and FN needs angles + elongated vertical tailoring. all the other types are too angular or petite to wear this meaningfully or fittingly. and gamines are too compactly built to go oversize, anyway.

CULTURE VULTURE: add kpop's constant cultural appropriation (YG takes much of the blame here), taking the N/FN silhouette of the black community in the 90s, and gang aesthetics, and you have a perfectly awkward outfit that would rather belong elsewhere. recently it also shifted to other cultures, but the overally undercurrent & racism/grifting is clear. it further prevents good fashion that respects the viewer and the wearer.

FRAME DOMINANCE: i do get the stylist's perspective. imagine dressing NCT in their flamboyant gamine aesthetic and here comes yang type johnny with a huge ass frame. or chanyeol. or mingyu. the korean market sadly only favors super small sizes. foreigners, plus size, tall folks, people who just aren't crazy skinny, and people dieting to get there, etc, no one benefits.

BIG THREE: but even then... groups wear international designers now. high fashion is often yang-friendly. sure, the big 3 types FN/SD/D always deviate. namjoon as an FN also had to be styled in an alternative, coat-heavy type of way. but the styling team understood that! accomodating everyone case by case > forcing one cookie cutter image on people who can't wear it. some stylists have a feel for that.

FASHION REFORM: on top of lowering prices, eliminating sweat shops, recycling, making less but better materials, bringing back colors, pragmatising cuts, and lowering body image and buying pressure in ads, we need most customizable and rewearable liveable fashion to begin with, even for performers who need 'big event' clothes that people gotta see in the last row. more vintage archive dressings, anyway! romantics and classics will wildly benefit from that, though it all depends on the garment. dua lipa contributed a lot to archive pulls > wasteful fashion.

QUESTION OF CHARACTER: yes, personality and humor shapes how popular idols get, regardless of their fashion. but even an introvert member will be a big deal when their image ID aligns with 1) the cultural standard and 2) the art direction. yoongi is a silent type but k-pop's favorite kibbe types are gamines = a quiet and not so "kpop bubblegum" success story. and even he had to struggle so... let's go easy, there's so much pressure.

BRANDING: "who debuts where and how" is everything: if you put an SD body type male idol who was previously unnoticed into ateez, they'd shatter the world. why? ateez has a lavish, harsh, drama-heavy theme. it gets FN and D sometimes but you get the gist, they do the ornate, deep color, vertical SD line. so very yang, just like monsta X, who dress pure D, FG, and FN, in a winter palette. i would love to see j-hope in a monsta X collab, for instance. but hybe is very soft subtype-friendly in its more mellow public image and spring palette. SN, SG, they will shine.

CONTRADICTING HEIGHT: i mean TXT is such a tall group. it's hilarious how their theme is the opposite, romantic small-scale yin. ruffles, softness, airy, princely, fantasy, flowing fabric, blush, airbrush-like blended makeup. beautiful really. i love it. but ironically, none of the members are pure yin, they're all way above the R height limits and tower in romantic styling 😂

OPPOSITE DAY: as another example, stray kids funnily enough does the opposite: they are all petite yin types except hyunjin, and do sporty yang concepts. bts has all height ranges (vertical - moderate - petite), so it's less hit or miss as a whole. any larger group basically. stylist motto: "whatever we try, it'll work for at least one guy, so our approach is we can do anything to appeal to anyone". look how easily a big three type (hyunjin) stands out when the surrounding yin types are dressed as yang DC.

POWER IN NUMBERS: super m, gg, suju, shinee, seventeen and nct were/are so successful because of that. all height ranges and kibbe types are covered = more chance of a concept matching them. though, there will be people losing out again with that approach. that's why kibbe's typecasting "to each their own wardrobe" is better, and still can be adapted to overall concepts... sometimes. the "it works for one guy at best" idea is already a pretty meh fashion philosophy. i wish fashion would adapt to bodies and not vice versa. kibbe helps with the former and avoids having to tweak pictures to create harmony. still, groups with height differences are cast, even if its harder to dress them cohesively, because it gets a reaction. (though, humans are just naturally varied like that anyway, which IS kibbe's point)

EDITING: case in point, the company has to edit TXT's promo shoots to the gods. you need less editing if you dress your type. ever noticed how TXT comeback pics are always plastered in fuzzy (=yin) filters and effects? it needs effort to create a Romantic type atmosphere on guys who don't have as much yin as say, taemin, seungkwan, jimin. i wish they'd use the fact that soobin has a soft subtype even more there. i love yin concepts.

MASS PRODUCTION: soobin and e.g. jin — similar situation — being Soft Dramatics contrasts with men's fashion prioritizing classic and natural types. because those 2 categories are easiest and fastest to manufacture and have medium proportions, so it'll suit more people, technically. SD is narrowly and asymmetrically built, so they drown in baggy N clothes and symmetrical, too short C is unflattering.

FLEETING IDEALS: they are already outside the kibbe width-focussed aesthetic expected from guys just by existing. especially as SD is the current benchmark for women, bella hadid rising to fame marked a departure from the universal SN body ideal. you really have to be lucky to be born at the right time. e.g. an FN born in the 80s hit the jackpot growing up in the 90s. if you're an R type, the trend will favor you in the upcoming years. look at the pop stars of today, all yin.

WINNER TAKES IT ALL: you can see how treating one ideal type as a benchmark will leave the other 12 behind. which stimulates consumption, because people desperately buy to find good clothes, are disappointed again, repeat. and it plays into a political and historic idea of monopoly, leadership, remnants of monarchy, influence of feudalism, all that. it's all ingrained to erroneously make us focus on one mighty person over everyone else. i like rotating centers, not "one king/queen, the rest serve", and nugu + fringe + "side" groups should get attention. they can be well-dressed like wavy without a bigbang budget.

GENDER DIVIDE: looking & dressing one's part + one's type really does make a difference in how male idols resonate with female fans: who, shocker, are visual creatures, our actions tell. companies still more or less put the full force actual-effort dressing to female groups: even if a fandom is mixed or female-leaning, all while they slack with male groups — until they learn that showy outfits generate huge attention. the low maintenance beatles branding would flop today. that's why it's a male-leaning fandom nowadays. SD needs actual-effort dressing unlike Ns and Cs (kind of), which means someone would have to actually think through jin's or soobin's outfit. maybe it's lazy, maybe inappropriate, or boring, or whatever. we all know they can do better/go all out:

AUDIENCE STUDY: it's tested, who has universal appeal (think taehyung), who triggers a parasocial bond, fantasy, fascination, makes people linger, spend time and money, and which surgeries do what. it's quite detailed, millimeter work. idols who fit the strict korean beauty ideal the most are on that pedestal, think taeyong, alongside those who gain fan favor through whatever reason anyway. we, the fans, intensify or create that effect. we shape the body types that show up in the industry by what we pay attention to — even though content can be pushed on us, too, and opinions can be pre-formed, molded, openly or not.

APPEARANCES: abstract esoteric kibbe metamorphosis poetry: some people & actually types look less "accessible" than others, too. DC, D, SD, SC, they can feel elusive. something familiar, average, less particular, more cute, unoffensive, that sticks: C, SG, SN. other types immediately cause a reaction, like D, FG, TR, FN. kibbe himself wrote how some IDs are just divisive in some cultural climates, and radiate danger, authority, risk, seduction, while others fly under the radar, are underestimated, or look just casual and normal. it's all such a balancing act. movies kind of formed those visual templates. Gamine, good and cute, Dramatic, bad and harsh, Natural fighter and manly, and so on. what makes a person come across a certain way is a huge multi-layered topic. kibbe was right to base his typology on hollywood typecasting.

COUNTRY: a pure N female group in k-pop would be difficult. a gamine-heavy male group debuted in the UK would be a disaster with their fashion, unless they'd go punk or retro, and even then. there's a reason why harry styles is some Natural type, the fashion industry at the time catered to Ns a lot. just a loose white shirt and harry looks good. because he's blunt > angular. not because he looks so good he can wear anything, but because naturals need simplicity, and british fashion favored that back then. it all comes down to where it takes place.

REALISM: would it be possible to debut a 13-member group with all body types present, dress them according to their lines, and still have a cohesive concept? it'd be very difficult. so, i don't get my hopes up realistically. still, i feel like there's way to go. positive reinforcement but also criticism from fans can further improve how idols are dressed, don't underestimate your power as the fan. even if SD is a type that needs to be heavily overdressed, but it's possible!

[the-fab-fox]

Okay so this has been something I've been chewing on for a long while. About making this post I mean.

This one is to those who actively ingest fanfiction but seem to think it's okay to just read free fiction that people have put time and thought and crafted prose for your enjoyment and do nothing in return.

All we ever ask for and all we ever want is for y'all to AT THE VERY LEAST hit that kudos button if you like the work. That is the BARE MINIMUM of what you SHOULD be doing. Especially all of you who say you're too nervous to comment or don't wish to be perceived. And if you don't want your account on the list, you can log out and send a guest kudos.

But as I said, BARE MINIMUM. If you loved the fic, if you got something out of it that left you feeling good and energized (or whatever angst does for y'all) then I want to take a moment and strongly urge you to comment, subscribe (if a wip), and bookmark those works. Did you know there's an option to even mark it as a Fic Recommendation? You can put notes in to and say why you liked it and things like that (DO NOT DO A RATING IN PUBLIC BOOKMARKS HOWEVER). And, you can indeed make them private! The writer still gets the number added to their stats but your bookmark we won't see.

Anyway, I now wanna turn your attention to Exhibit A:

This is a list of my best performing fics. Do you see the problem with this? The green highlights are the hits I've received for those fics. The red is the Kudos and comment threads. Now the kudos is obviously right?

Let's look at my number one fic right now, Accidentally in Love (a Malleyuu fic from Twisted Wonderland fandom). It's the seventh fic in a romance series. As you can see, it's doing great as far as hits, right? And I know it's an amazing fic from the comments I have received and just from rereading it myself. Note, I am probably the biggest bully to myself as @sunshineandteddybears and @mellosdrawings and @romantichopelessly can tell you in great detail. So when I am saying it's really damn good, you can probably trust it's gonna be pretty damn good. And yet, a fic that has 4K hits only has 119 kudos. And now to bring your attention to the comment threads. So honestly with how bad readers are on actually commenting (which by the way if you log off you can send anonymously as a guest—you'll have to put in your email address but we authors won't see that)... 107 seems pretty good right? But you guys don't see that. You see what's on the info for the story. Unfortunately, on the fic info at the top of the story, it counts every single comment (including the Author's). (The comment threads is just every single starting comment, i.e. the first comment received from each commenter.)

The thing is, I—and probably quite a few other writers—do respond to every single comment.

So that means where the info on my fic itself says 230 comments, in reality, I'm at half that when I subtract my half of the comments. So that's actually 115 comments from other people. So some people might see that 230 and think oh they got a lot of comments so I don't think they want to hear from me or I can't be fucked and they're already doing good so.

NO. NO. NO. Do not look at the numbers as a guide if a fic is good or not. Do not look at the numbers and think that we don't need or deserve to get any more. And finally WE WANT TO HEAR FROM Y'ALL.

Excuses need to stop.

Speaking of numbers. Here's my over all stats current on AO3.

In the 3 years on this AO3 account (I've had others in the past and accounts on ff.net and live journal. I'm an oldie fanfic writer lol. 21 years of fanfic. My gods. 🤣) It didn't used to be like this guys. Back in the day I'd get 12 plus comments on a chapter and this is on stuff a teenager wrote.

We have got to get back to the point of supporting each other and building each other up. Also while I'm at it, I have a huge beef with the fact that fanartists get so much more positive feedback and replies and comments, but the thing is, even their numbers are skewed. You can go into the notes of a fanart on here that has 10k notes to see they have maybe 100-1K reblogs (if that, I'm being generous) and maybe 10 or so replies (if turned on) and the rest are all likes. EVERYONE has been on here long enough by now to know that likes do nothing to get a post in the algorithm and tags only do so much. Reblogs are the only way their art (or our fanfictions for people who post them on here) gets seen! By sharing!

So y'all gotta get better. Yes, we write for ourselves first, but ultimately a story is meant to be shared with everyone and feedback should not be optional if you're actively reading the fics or viewing the art for free and enjoyed it!

TLDR:

IF YOU FUCKING LIKE A FANFIC. KUDOS AT THE VERY LEAST BUT BE BETTER. COMMENT. BOOKMARK. SUBSCRIBE IF IT'S A WIP YOU LOVE. (Like, comment and reblog if on Tumblr)

IF YOU FUCKING LIKE A FANART ON TUMBLR. COMMENT. LIKE. REBLOG.

DO BETTER AS READERS AND US WRITERS AND ARTISTS WILL GIVE YOU THE WORLD (AND MANY OTHER WORLDS TO BOOT)

That is all. Please reblog the fuck out of this if you agree.

(and tagging my current and last fandoms so this can get in fandom spaces where it needs to be.)

[goldfades]

Also 🍀 for the sweet angel azzi

Prompt: staying up late because you wanted to eat with them

BUT, it’s over facetime cuz they’re currently not in the same state.

-🐹

evangeline's 2.5k celebration !! [open!]

─ warnings | nothing but sweet fluff and long distance, nothing too bad

"THE GAME WENT good, were you watching?" azzi's voice echoed through the speaker as she ate her dinner, her phone propped up so you could see her through the facetime call.

the hotel room was dimly lit but you could still make out her beautiful features, and of course your heart was swelling at the sight (even if it was just through a phone).

you smiled, leaning closer to the screen as if it would somehow bring you nearer to her. "of course i was watching! you were amazing out there, az. i could hardly sit still."

azzi laughed, the sound warm and familiar. "thanks, babe. it felt good to be back on the court. how was your day?"

you sighed, shifting in your seat. "it was alright. busy, as usual. but seeing you play was the highlight. i just wish i could be there in person, but you know i have classes and everything."

azzi's eyes softened, and she paused mid-bite to look at you. "i wish you were here too. it's not the same without you cheering me on from the stands but i get it, school is more important. plus, i could feel your support through the screen,"

you smiled, feeling a surge of affection. "i'm glad. i'll always be cheering for you, no matter where i am."

azzi's eyes sparkled with appreciation as she smiled. "that means a lot to me, baby."

there was a moment of silence, both of you lost in your thoughts ─ you were both exhausted but being around each other made you a little more energized. you broke it first. "so, what's the plan for the rest of the night? more celebrating?"

azzi grinned. "just dinner and then probably some sleep. we've got an early practice tomorrow. but enough about me. tell me more about your day."

you hesitated, not wanting to bore her with the mundane details, but her expectant look made you relent. you knew she enjoyed it when you talked, she liked listening to you talk about anything.

"well, let's see. class were the usual grind. but i did have a weird encounter with jasmine — i'll have to tell you about it when you get back, it's a lot. and i've been thinking about some new places we can check out once you're home."

azzi's eyes lit up as she smiled. "i can't wait. we should make a list. somewhere with good food, definitely."

"oh my god, yes. maybe a new hiking trail too? we haven't done that in a while."

"sounds perfect," she said, a contented smile spreading across her face. "i miss you, a lot."

even though it'd only been a couple of days, it was hard for both of you to be apart. you were both so intertwined with each other's schedules, it felt weird to not have each other.

you nodded, feeling a pang of longing. "i miss you too, baby. but you'll be back soon!"

"yes! and then i'll have so much time for you and we can go out to eat then go hiking in the morning so we don't feel bad," azzi smiled finished her meal and set her plate aside. "i should probably get some sleep. but i'll text you first thing tomorrow, okay?"

"okay," you frowned, not wanting to say goodbye just yet. but you knew azzi was exhausted, she deserved some sleep. "get some good sleep. i'll be thinking of you."

"and I'll be dreaming of you," she replied with a wink as you laughed and shook your head in amusement. "i love you," she drew out the love as you continued smiling, feeling giddy.

"i love you too," you copied her voice as she laughed too.

the call ended, and you stared at the blank screen for a moment, the warmth of your connection lingering despite the distance.

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[tryandbehappy]

so. let’s break down another episode and my edit (spoiler: i cried for several days, for real).

Nick and June hadn’t seen each other in so long, not since their epic bridge kiss. they missed each other like crazy, and so did we, because it had been half a season without them. we only got those little moments of June missing him so much she touches her neck (yes. it was about Nick. i knew it).

then when Luke suggested Nick might help, and June immediately started crying “he’ll do anything for me and for Nicole” i was gone. the way he just says his name and she starts crying? What ???? it wrecked me. she was trembling with how much she missed him.

the way she rides to meet him, full of anticipation. the way she closes her eyes in pure bliss when she hears his voice.

and then? they gave us art. i still don’t think any couple in tv history has ever been shot as beautifully as that window kiss. the lighting. the framing. the angles. the emotion. their faces. their breath. it was pure cinematic heaven. it’s easily one of my top kisses ever. in any media.

for the first time, Nick says “i should have run away with you” and June agrees. she says yes!!!! the tragedy of timing.

we’ve never seen Nick this broken. the way he looked at her and at their daughter, barely holding back tears, full of silent love and pain. it was unbearable. it was beautiful.

and then? “my beautiful girl” the doll!!!! the tenderness. i cannot even explain how hard i cried and at first i didn’t understand why i was crying so much. but later, in therapy (lmao I brought up Nick in therapy), i realized this episode triggered something deep. it brought up my own daddy issues. my own unresolved grief. i had locked it all away in a box, and this episode… it opened it. it broke me wide open. it made me feel things i didn’t even know were still inside me. i cried for days!!!!! Non stop 😂😭 (now I’m a better person because of it lol)

and this was also the first time he said “try and be happy” which becomes their code, their tragic love language. the phrase that means “i love you so much it hurts to even try without you.” the way June cries in the car after… the way she doesn’t choose freedom, because real freedom without him isn’t freedom at all. it’s emptiness.

and yes, we learn Nick is married but he hid it to not ruin their goodbye. and i think that was the right choice. he protected their moment. their one last moment.

and here’s another thing: June escapes to Canada. she’s finally free. but she’s not happy. she’s devastated. and that grief gave me the perfect canvas to highlight everything she’s said about love: that people don’t die from lack of sex, they die from lack of love. and in this episode, we see her coming back to life and dying again. because she loves Nick so deeply. and without that love, her life doesn’t feel whole. it gave me the chance to bring all those moments together and show what love means to her, the very core of her existence.

for the music for the edit i chose For you only by Trading Yesterday. because that song is devastating omg. it has this epic rise, and the lyrics “i am so far from home, for you only” 😭it’s perfect. it fits both of them. they’re both so far from each other, and all they want is to be together. and this video was my attempt to capture the heartbreak and longing of that truth.

i still can’t believe this episode exists. it feels like lightning in a bottle. no matter how the story ends, we had this. and i’ll never stop being grateful.

[lurkingshan]

The Ride or Die Drama Couples List

So the other night I got a little sassy on main because some of the girlies were complaining that King the Land is focusing more on the couple moments (aka relationship development) between Gu Won and Sa Rang and doesn’t have enough plot. Which is a very typical fandom complaint about romcoms that I absolutely hate, because in a good romance the relationship is the plot, people! It’s bizarre attitudes like this that get us random murder plots spliced into every other romcom for the ratings, and I am begging y’all to stop the madness. 

Ahem. Anyway, that post seemed to resonate with some folks and get them discussing other dramas, and so inevitably @troubled-mind wandered into my notes and said gee Shan, it seems like maybe you should make a list of dramas that show us couples in a relationship and explore how they make it work and ultimately stay together. And I’ve warned y’all before, if you make a stray comment in my direction there will be a list coming your way. So here I am again, doing the absolute most.

Today I present to you a list of my favorite dramas that show you not only how the couple gets together, but also how they stay together. Criteria:

The couple doesn’t have to be together when the drama starts, but they do have to actually begin their romantic relationship no later than halfway through the drama’s run so that we have substantial time with them as a couple

The relationship development between the couple is a primary plot driver (so no dramas where there’s a great long term couple just hanging out in the background)

The relationship story may include some physical separation or even a temporary breakup, but not the betrayal kind–these are the sort that actually force an unaddressed issue to the surface and ultimately bring the couple even closer 

Happy endings only, these pairs are sticking together 

Ride or Die Drama Couples

Bad Buddy - Pat and Pran

(Thailand, YouTube)

This is tumblr so do I really need to tell y’all about Pat and Pran? There is a reason we all lost our minds over this show and it’s because we got to be in this relationship with them so intensely and see them fight to stay together despite it all. Their ending is bittersweet because of their families, but the show leaves us no doubt that they both think the other is worth it and they will always stick it out together. 

Dark Blue Kiss - Pete and Kao

(Thailand, YouTube)

Shout out to the OGs! Pete and Kao originally got together in the Kiss series (you can watch it, but you really don’t have to, fam) and Dark Blue Kiss brings them back three years into their long-term relationship to give us a peek into their struggles with the closet and the toll it takes on both of them individually as well as the strain it puts on their relationship. 

Flower of Evil - Hee Sung and Ji Won

(S Korea, Netflix or Viki)

Hee Sung and Ji Won are already married (with an adorable daughter) when this drama begins, and the backstory of their relationship is unspooled alongside the larger mystery at the heart of the show. One of the most fascinating and heart wrenching love stories I have ever seen, centered on a character who is so emotionally damaged that he genuinely believes he is incapable of love even as love pours out of him. Damn, I’m gonna make myself cry into my oatmeal.

It’s Okay, That’s Love - Jae Yeol and Hae Soo

(S Korea, Viki)

Speaking of crying, lord. Ahhhhhhh. Let me pull myself together. It’s Okay, That’s Love is a healing drama about two people who fall in love and support each other through serious mental health challenges. I don’t really want to say much more than that. Bring tissues, besties!

La Pluie - Patts and Saengtai

(Thailand, iQIYI)

My beloved! This Thai drama is about a pair of soulmates–or are they–who find each other and try to make their relationship work. That’s it, that’s the show. In this drama, the relationship truly is the plot, despite some of the fantasy elements being used to highlight its themes. La Pluie is about the importance of choice and a rebuke of romantic fantasies that fate and destiny will handle your love life for you. I and many others have written about it extensively, so if you decide to watch, you can go nuts on meta. 

Lighter & Princess - Li Xun and Zhu Yun

(China, Viki)

I really love this show. This is a long format drama so there will be longer stretches where the couple still has not officially gotten together, but the relationship between them is the heart of the entire show, and we get the distinct pleasure of watching them fall in love twice, and the second time figure out how to make it stick. Such a treat.

One Spring Night - Ji Ho and Jung In

(S Korea, Netflix)

Oh how I love this quiet little drama about two people who fall for each other while one is still in a relationship with someone else, and figure out how to untangle the mess they’re in. We get to see them not only fall in love, but figure out how to become a unit who can withstand the harsh judgment coming their way and become a family on their own terms. Bonus adorable child alert!

Tomorrow With You - So Joon and Ma Rin

(S Korea, Viki)

This time travel melodrama is one of those that I started with no expectations and then sat up part way through and said what gave you the right to be this good! This is another one where the relationship begins for dubious reasons, but the suspect motives are quickly taken over by genuine feeling. We really get to live with the relationship in this one and the message is all about treasuring the life and time we have together. 

The Rebel Princess - Awu (Wang Xuan) and Xiao Qi

(China, Viki)

I think the phrase Ride or Die was actually invented for them. Talk about a power couple. Once these two get to know each other (this is a historical so as per usual, their marriage wasn’t actually their choice but rather the result of some asshole’s machinations in a quest for power, joke’s on them though) they are in, baby, and their devotion and loyalty never wavers. This is a historical epic in war time, so the couple will be physically separated multiple times, but it only makes them stronger and each of their reunions sweeter. Their relationship is the heart of the show and the throughline in their chaotic lives.

What Did You Eat Yesterday? - Shiro and Kenji

(Japan, the ether)

Saving the best for last because this right here is the GOAT in this category. It sits at the top of my all-time favorite dramas list and I love it passionately. Because y’all? This drama is explicitly about a middle-aged couple learning how to be together in a long-term relationship. That is the entire plot. And it’s fantastic. Stop reading this and go watch it!

Honorable Mentions

Yumi’s Cells - Yu Mi and Goo Wong 

(S Korea, Viki)

This one is not on the list proper because (gasp) the couple doesn’t end up together. I know, I’m still sad about it, too, even though I went into this drama fully aware of the concept (a season about each of Yu Mi’s major relationships). But man. Yu Mi and Goo Wong just have that something, you know? Even knowing they don’t stick it out, it’s a delight to watch them fall in love and settle into a relationship together. Technically there is a second season featuring Yu Mi’s next relationship (Babi? I don’t know her), but I don’t want to recommend it and you can’t make me.

I must also give a shout out to the bl season 2s that exist expressly for the purpose of showing how the characters settle into a relationship after the first season get together:

Gameboys 2 (Philippines, Gaga) - Cairo and Gavreel

Minato’s Laundromat 2 (Japan, Gaga)- Shin and Minato 

SOTUS S and Our Skyy (Thailand, YouTube) - Kongpob and Arthit

Still 2gether (Thailand, YouTube) - Tine and Sarawat

Utsukushii Kare 2 (Japan, Gaga) - Hira and Kiyoi

And because this is my post and I make the rules, I am also doing some honorable mentions of the friends to lovers slow burns where technically they are not together until the final arc of the story but let’s be serious they are together the whole time and just don’t realize it yet so you know exactly what their relationship is going to look like:

Fight for My Way (S Korea, Viki) - Dong Man and Ae Ra

Happiness (S Korea, Viki) - Sae Bom and Yi Hyun

Hospital Playlist 1 and 2 (S Korea, Viki) - Song Hwa and Ik Jun

My Only 12% (Thailand, iQIYI) - Seeiw and Cake

My Ride (Thailand, Gaga or YouTube) - Mork and Tawan 

Romance is a Bonus Book (S Korea, Netflix) - Dan Yi and Eun Ho

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo (S Korea, Viki) - Joon Hyeong and Bok Joo

Whoops you woke the beast @troubled-mind. @rocketturtle4 @neuroticbookworm @chickenstrangers here are more for your mile long rec lists. :)))

[jon-sedai]

There's something about this sequence of figures that gives me pause.

Those old histories are full of kings who reigned for hundreds of years, and knights riding around a thousand years before there were knights. You know the tales, Brandon the Builder, Symeon Star-Eyes, Night’s King … we say that you’re the nine-hundred-and-ninety-eighth Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch, but the oldest list I’ve found shows six hundred seventy-four commanders […] Jon II, ADWD

GRRM is such a meticulous writer that I’m inclined to think there’s a reason why these three figures, in particular, are mentioned. And there’s a reason why they seem to culminate in Jon.

Brandon the Builder

Though Jon does not carry the Stark name, he carries their legacy, one that dates back to the Long Night. For he now holds the combined titles of King of Winter...

Jon is the only brother that remains to me. Should I die without issue, I want him to succeed me as King in the North.  Catelyn V, ASoS

“I am the Lord of Winterfell,” Jon screamed. Jon XII, ADWD

...and Lord Commander of the Night's Watch.

So Jon Snow took the wineskin from his hand and had a swallow. But only one. The Wall was his, the night was dark, and he had a king to face.  Jon XII, ASoS

Now he was a man grown and the Wall was his, yet all he had were doubts. He could not even seem to conquer those. Jon VII, ADWD

This combination of legacies—the Wall’s chief steward and a king in the north—coincidentally parallels the infamous Night’s King, who may or may not have been a Stark as well (but we’ll get to that later).

But more than leadership, Jon’s inheritance may lie in magic itself. The Wall, imbued with the magic that Brandon the Builder wove into its foundation, does more than stand as a barrier. It affects those who stay within its shadow, e.g., Maester Aemon and Melisandre. But no other character has as deep a connection to the Wall’s magical properties as Jon Snow:

“Every man who walks the earth casts a shadow on the world. Some are thin and weak, others long and dark. You should look behind you, Lord Snow. The moon has kissed you and etched your shadow upon the ice twenty feet tall.”  Jon glanced over his shoulder. The shadow was there, just as she had said, etched in moonlight against the Wall.  Jon VII, ADWD

The connection runs so deep that the Wall seems to reflect Jon himself, almost like a mirror:

Jon had given his chief captive the largest cell, a pail to shit in, enough furs to keep him from freezing, and a skin of wine. It took the guards some time to open his cell, as ice had formed inside the lock. Rusted hinges screamed like damned souls when Wick Whittlestick yanked the door wide enough for Jon to slip through. A faint fecal odor greeted him, though less overpowering than he'd expected. Even shit froze solid in such bitter cold. Jon Snow could see his own reflection dimly inside the icy walls. Jon X, ADWD

The Wall's dual properties—functioning as both a mirror and a shield—bring Serwyn of the Mirror Shield to mind, who is positioned as a narrative parallel to Symeon Star-Eyes.

Symeon Star Eyes

Like Brandon the Builder, Symeon Star-Eyes has been celebrated for thousands of years, even being co-opted by the Andals as a knight, despite living long before chivalry came to the Seven Kingdoms. This highlights a fascinating parallel with Jon, a knight who isn’t one in truth.

According to legend, Symeon lost his eyes (though we’re not told how), and afterwards, he placed star sapphires in the empty sockets.

“Symeon Star-Eyes,” Luwin said as he marked numbers in a book. “When he lost his eyes, he put star sapphires in the empty sockets, orso the singers claim. Bran, that is only a story, like the tales of Florian the Fool. A fable from the Age of Heroes.” The maester tsked. “You must put these dreams aside, they will only break your heart.”  Bran VII, AGoT

These sapphire eyes evoke creatures of ice, often distinguished by their blue eyes which shine as brightly as the stars. This includes the Others:

“What gods?” Jon was remembering that they’d seen no boys in Craster’s Keep, nor men either, save Craster himself.  “The cold gods,” she said. “The ones in the night. The white shadows.” […] “What color are their eyes?” he asked her. “Blue. As bright as blue stars, and as cold.” Jon III, ACoK

Their wights:

And suddenly Jon was back in the Lord Commander’s Tower again. A severed hand was climbing his calf and when he pried it off with the point of his longsword, it lay writhing, fingers opening and closing. The dead man rose to his feet, blue eyes shining in that gashed and swollen face. Ropes of torn flesh hung from the great wound in his belly, yet there was no blood. Jon III, ACoK

The corpse queen, who may or may not have been a female Other:

A woman was his downfall; a woman glimpsed from atop the Wall, with skin as white as the moon and eyes like blue stars. Bran IV, ASoS

And, the legendary ice dragons:

Of all the queer and fabulous denizens of the Shivering Sea, however, the greatest are the ice dragons. These colossal beasts, many times larger than the dragons of Valyria, are said to be made of living ice, with eyes of pale blue crystal and vast translucent wings through which the moon and stars can be glimpsed as they wheel across the sky. Whereas common dragons (if any dragon can truly be said to be common) breathe flame, ice dragons supposedly breathe cold, a chill so terrible that it can freeze a man solid in half a heartbeat. The Shivering Sea, The World of Ice and Fire

Given the scant information about him, we don’t know who—or what—Symeon Star-Eyes was. Yet, through his eyes, he holds a connection to the North and its ice magic, a legacy Jon has a share in.

Both Jon and Symeon Star-Eyes are Other-adjacent; Symeon with his blue eyes which shine as stars and Jon with his black armor made of ice.

“Snow,” an eagle cried, as foemen scuttled up the ice like spiders. Jon was armored in black ice […] Jon XII, ADWD

A shadow emerged from the dark of the wood. It stood in front of Royce. Tall, it was, and gaunt and hard as old bones, with flesh pale as milk. Its armor seemed to change color as it moved; here it was white as new-fallen snow, there black as shadow, everywhere dappled with the deep grey-green of the trees. The patterns ran like moonlight on water with every step it took. Prologue, AGoT

Holistically, Jon and Symeon’s associations with these creatures might be positioning them as figures with the ability to leverage northern magic—much like Bran the Builder and his ice Wall.

It’s quite intriguing how the Wall serves as a conduit through which Jon is linked to various elements of Northern mysticism. Symeon’s blue eyes are not only reminiscent of the Others but also share similarities with the Wall itself.

Finally he looked north. He saw the Wall shining like blue crystal [...] Bran III, AGoT

By the time Jon left the armory, it was almost midday. The sun had broken through the clouds. He turned his back on it and lifted his eyes to the Wall, blazing blue and crystalline in the sunlight. Even after all these weeks, the sight of it still gave him the shivers. Centuries of windblown dirt had pocked and scoured it, covering it like a film, and it often seemed a pale grey, the color of an overcast sky … but when the sun caught it fair on a bright day, it shone, alive with light, a colossal blue-white cliff that filled up half the sky.  Jon III, AGoT

Earlier, I noted that the Wall serves a dual function, acting as both a mirror and a shield for Jon. It was then that I referenced Ser Serwyn of the Mirror Shield.

Like Symeon Star-Eyes, Serwyn was a First Man whose legend was later co-opted by the Andals. Songs often portray him as a knight, though he existed long before knighthood came to Westeros. But Serwyn's legend goes even further, for later traditions cast him as a knight of the Kingsguard.

And besides the legendary kings and the hundreds of kingdoms from which the Seven Kingdoms were born, stories of such as Symeon Star-Eyes, Serwyn of the Mirror Shield, and other heroes have become fodder for septons and singers alike. Did such heroes once exist? It may be so. But when the singers number Serwyn of the Mirror Shield as one of the Kingsguard—an institution that was only formed during the reign of Aegon the Conqueror—we can see why it is that few of these tales can ever be trusted.The septons who first wrote them down took what details suited them and added others, and the singers changed them—sometimes beyond all recognition—for the sake of a warm place in some lord's hall. In such a way does some longdead First Man become a knight who follows the Seven and guards the Targaryen kings thousands of years after he lived (if he ever did).The legion of boys and youths made ignorant of the past history of Westeros by these foolish tales cannot be numbered. Ancient History: The Age of Heroes

Serwyn of the Mirror Shield’s most significant act was the slaying of the dragon Urrax, which he accomplished by blinding the beast.

Legend has it that during the Age of Heroes, Serwyn of the Mirror Shield slew the dragon Urrax by crouching behind a shield so polished that the beast saw only his own reflection. By this ruse, the hero crept close enough to drive a spear through the dragon’s eye, earning the name by which we know him still. Fire & Blood

Since Serwyn was a First Man who lived during the Age of Heroes, I doubt that Urrax was one of the fire-breathing dragons from the Valyrian Empire, which came to be much later. I wonder, then, if Urrax was an ice dragon—and if Serwyn struck out its crystal-blue eye.

I find it fascinating that Serwyn used a spear to remove a dragon’s eye, while Symeon Star-Eyes was said to wield a point-tipped staff. These weapons, both tied to the theme of sight, suggest a deeper connection between these figures, even if we don’t know exactly when they lived or if their paths intersected. What’s particularly telling is that Sam is cut off—by Jon, no less—before he can finish his thoughts on the distortion of history, and how much of it has been lost, obscured, or inaccurate…

Until we know more, we can only speculate. But the thread spins back to Symeon, whose eyes were as blue as the ice dragons’, and Jon Snow, who often compares his blue ice Wall to those legendary creatures.

The road beneath the Wall was as dark and cold as the belly of an ice dragon and as twisty as a serpent. Jon VIII, ADWD

The snowfall was light today, a thin scattering of flakes dancing in the air, but the wind was blowing from the east along the Wall, cold as the breath of the ice dragon in the tales Old Nan used to tell.  Jon X, ADWD

This links back to Serwyn, whose mirror shield, used to slay what may have been an ice monster, parallels Jon’s Wall of ice.

But Serwyn of the Mirror Shield is not the only narrative parallel to Symeon Star-Eyes. Many times, Symeon is mentioned alongside another knight, one who actually bore the white cloak of the Kingsguard: Prince Aemon the Dragonknight.

“True knights would never harm women and children.” The words rang hollow in her ears even as she said them.  “True knights.” The queen seemed to find that wonderfully amusing. “No doubt you’re right. So why don’t you just eat your broth like a good girl and wait for Symeon Star-Eyes and Prince Aemon the Dragonknight to come rescue you, sweetling. I’m sure it won’t be very long now.” Sansa V, ACoK

“Wylla.” Lord Wyman smiled. “Did you see how brave she was? Even when I threatened to have her tongue out, she reminded me of the debt White Harbor owes to the Starks of Winterfell, a debt that can never be repaid. Wylla spoke from the heart, as did Lady Leona. Forgive her if you can, my lord. She is a foolish, frightened woman, and Wylis is her life. Not every man has it in him to be Prince Aemon the Dragonknight or Symeon Star-Eyes, and not every woman can be as brave as my Wylla and her sister Wynafryd … who did know, yet played her own part fearlessly.  Davos IV, ADWD

There’s an intriguing duality of ice and fire in Symeon Star-Eyes being mentioned alongside the Dragonknight. Jon stands to inherit elements of both their legacies: as a First Man like Symeon, he has a connection to the ice magic of the North, and like Aemon the Dragonknight, he embodies the roles of Valyrian prince, a warrior of fire, and a commander of knights all at once.

This particular aspect of one hero having multiple faces, so to speak, lends itself to other fascinating groupings:

Dunk stared at the grassy lists and the empty chairs on the viewing stand and pondered his chances. One victory was all he needed; then he could name himself one of the champions of Ashford Meadow, if only for an hour. The old man had lived nigh on sixty years and had never been a champion. It is not too much to hope for, if the gods are good. He thought back on all the songs he had heard, songs of blind Symeon Star-Eyes and noble Serwyn of the Mirror Shield, of Prince Aemon the Dragonknight, Ser Ryam Redywne, and Florian the Fool. They had all won victories against foes far more terrible than any he would face. But they were great heroes, brave men of noble birth, except for Florian. And what am I? Dunk of Flea Bottom? Or Ser Duncan the Tall? The Hedge Knight

Through Aemon the Dragonknight and Ser Ryam Redwyne, we move beyond the mythical lone heroes of the Age of Heroes—such as Serwyn and Symeon Star-Eyes, who lived thousands of years ago—and into the more recent icons of Westeros’ history. As Lord Commanders of the Kingsguard and in Ryam’s case, Hand of the King, we see a balance of legendary heroism told through songs and the real-world responsibility of leading men. They highlight the dual—and often difficult—nature of heroism that requires both valor and duty.

And Jon himself looked toward Ser Ryam and the Dragonknight, heroes who inspired his childhood games and shaped his earliest ideals of heroism and valor.

Every morning they had trained together, since they were big enough to walk; Snow and Stark, spinning and slashing about the wards of Winterfell, shouting and laughing, sometimes crying when there was no one else to see. They were not little boys when they fought, but knights and mighty heroes. “I’m Prince Aemon the Dragonknight,” Jon would call out, and Robb would shout back, “Well, I’m Florian the Fool.” Or Robb would say, “I’m the Young Dragon,” and Jon would reply, “I’m Ser Ryam Redwyne.”  Jon XII, ASoS

This creates a fascinating roadmap for Jon, who right now needs to save the world as a warrior (Azor Ahai) and a commander (leader of the broader night’s watch—which encompasses all men, for all cloaks and banners turn black once darkness settles in). The way the individual legacies of Serwyn, Symeon Star-Eyes, Aemon the Dragonknight, and Ser Ryam Redwyne converge in Jon Snow suggests that his journey extends beyond mere physical labor in the coming mystical war from the North.

Ser Ryam’s reign was short-lived, and his abilities as a ruler are often questioned. While some may argue that his brief and flawed tenure mirrors Jon’s time as Lord Commander, this comparison feels misplaced. Context is key! Jon quickly follows in Ser Ryam’s footsteps as a leader, becoming Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch within a chapter. Thus, his role as ruler of the realm may still lie ahead. And this naturally leads us to the final figure in Sam's sequence of legends: the infamous Night’s King.

The Night’s King

So far, we’ve explored the parallels Jon shares with figures celebrated for their valor. But in Martin’s world, nothing is black and white. While Brandon the Builder and Symeon Star-Eyes are remembered as heroes, the Night’s King introduces a grey area—showing that reputation, especially over time, exists on a spectrum.

I often hesitate to position Jon as a Night’s King figure, largely because the fandom tends to approach this idea from a one-dimensional lens, often portraying him as a tyrannical villain. Such a framing completely misses the complexity of Jon's arc. He has always been a hero, and while he may forsake certain vows, like the Night’s King of legend, he does so out of necessity, not selfish ambition. His journey has been about redefining what it means to protect the realm, even if that means stepping outside the bounds of traditional 'honor'.

In ASoS, Jon begins to grasp the idea of a ‘bastard’s honor’—a flexible moral code that defies society’s rigid expectations. Like his father, who stained his honor to save his sister’s son, or Jaime Lannister, who became a kingslayer to protect King's Landing, Jon learns that true honor sometimes means defying societal norms. Doing the right thing may force him to break from the Night’s Watch’s rigid vows, especially when they no longer serve the greater good.

Jon’s evolving understanding of honor reaches a new complexity in ADWD, as he navigates what it means to lead a ‘neutral’ institution that ultimately relies on the southern lords for resources—especially the Boltons and Lannisters. The Boltons, who now occupy Winterfell, have betrayed the true meaning of the castle as a protector of the North. Winterfell—'where winter fell'—is in enemy hands, with the Boltons as human monsters in the South, mirroring the mythical threats Jon faces from the North. Meanwhile, the Lannisters, still claiming to be 'Protector of the Realm', have done more harm than good.

This balancing act between neutrality and political involvement reaches its breaking point in Jon’s final ADWD chapter, when he makes the fateful decision to march south against Ramsay Bolton. The result is mutiny and his assassination. But this is not where his story ends—he will return, and his resurrection will force him to reflect on what it truly means to be a ‘defender of the realm'. Jon's choice—a rejection of neutrality—will kickstart a decisive shift in his arc, as he begins to involve himself in the affairs of his Stark family, further linking him to the legacy of the Night’s King, who was likely a son of Winterfell as well.

As Jon was resolute in marching south in part due to Arya, so too was the Night’s King enticed to break his vows for a daughter of the North.

As the sun began to set the shadows of the towers lengthened and the wind blew harder, sending gusts of dry dead leaves rattling through the yards. The gathering gloom put Bran in mind of another of Old Nan’s stories, the tale of Night’s King. He had been the thirteenth man to lead the Night’s Watch, she said; a warrior who knew no fear. “And that was the fault in him,” she would add, “for all men must know fear.” A woman was his downfall; a woman glimpsed from atop the Wall, with skin as white as the moon and eyes like blue stars. Fearing nothing, he chased her and caught her and loved her, though her skin was cold as ice, and when he gave his seed to her he gave his soul as well. Bran IV, ASoS

Jon’s 'corpse queen' can take many forms, but Arya is the strongest parallel if we see her as a catalyst for major change.

While Arya is no Other, she shares Jon’s Northern roots and strong magical ties. In many ways, she’s a reimagined 'corpse queen'—a 'bitch from the seventh hell' who is becoming an agent of death, bonded to a direwolf named after a witch-queen.

But the theme of a woman presenting temptation to this king of the night doesn’t end with Arya, for Melisandre tempts Jon time and time again.

In the shadow of the Wall, the direwolf brushed up against his fingers. For half a heartbeat the night came alive with a thousand smells, and Jon Snow heard the crackle of the crust breaking on a patch of old snow. Someone was behind him, he realized suddenly. Someone who smelled warm as a summer day. When he turned he saw Ygritte. She stood beneath the scorched stones of the Lord Commander’s Tower, cloaked in darkness and in memory. The light of the moon was in her hair, her red hair kissed by fire. When he saw that, Jon’s heart leapt into his mouth. “Ygritte,” he said. “Lord Snow.” The voice was Melisandre’s. Surprise made him recoil from her. “Lady Melisandre.” He took a step backwards. “I mistook you for someone else.” At night all robes are grey. Yet suddenly hers were red. He did not understand how he could have taken her for Ygritte. She was taller, thinner, older, though the moonlight washed years from her face. Mist rose from her nostrils, and from pale hands naked to the night. “You will freeze your fingers off,” Jon warned. […] Jon glanced over his shoulder. The shadow was there, just as she had said, etched in moonlight against the Wall. A girl in grey on a dying horse, he thought. Coming here, to you. Arya. He turned back to the red priestess. Jon could feel her warmth. She has power. The thought came unbidden, seizing him with iron teeth, but this was not a woman he cared to be indebted to, not even for his little sister. […] “You do not believe me. You will. The cost of that belief will be three lives. A small price to pay for wisdom, some might say … but not one you had to pay. Remember that when you behold the blind and ravaged faces of your dead. And come that day, take my hand.” The mist rose from her pale flesh, and for a moment it seemed as if pale, sorcerous flames were playing about her fingers. “Take my hand,” she said again, “and let me save your sister.” Jon VI, ADWD

Melisandre, with her foreign magic and public sacrifices to her terrifying red god, is deeply mistrusted by the Night’s Watch brothers. And Jon’s growing association with her, as many suspect a sexual relationship, contributes to his rapidly declining reputation. Though he has thus far rejected Mel’s advances, Jon will come to realize through death that he should have leaned into her power. She warned him of 'daggers in the dark', but he ignored her and lost his life for it. Now, her blood magic may be the key to bringing him back, and it could be through this that Jon 'loses his soul'—just as the Night’s King did long ago—by becoming one of the undead.

But there is still a third woman who may take on the role of Jon’s 'corpse queen': Val, the wildling princess.

When they emerged north of the Wall, through a thick door made of freshly hewn green wood, the wildling princess paused for a moment to gaze out across the snow-covered field where King Stannis had won his battle. Beyond, the haunted forest waited, dark and silent. The light of the half-moon turned Val’s honey-blond hair a pale silver and left her cheeks as white as snow. She took a deep breath. “The air tastes sweet.” Jon VIII, ADWD

They look as though they belong together. Val was clad all in white; white woolen breeches tucked into high boots of bleached white leather, white bearskin cloak pinned at the shoulder with a carved weirwood face, white tunic with bone fastenings. Her breath was white as well … but her eyes were blue, her long braid the color of dark honey, her cheeks flushed red from the cold. It had been a long while since Jon Snow had seen a sight so lovely. Jon XI, ADWD

Unlike his aversion to Melisandre, Jon is drawn to Val. While Mel represents temptation toward a foreign power, Val is Jon’s anchor to the North—icy and rooted in the old magic. Interestingly, both are linked to royalty: Mel, once a slave, is seen as Stannis' true queen, while Val, a wildling, is still called a princess. In this way, both evoke the idea of the corpse queen—a woman outside Westerosi norms, yet still recognized as a queen.

Beyond his relationships with these women, Jon’s arc in Dance is a delicate balance between his duties as Lord Commander and the actions of a King in the North. By letting the wildlings south of the Wall and arranging marriage alliances, Jon blurs the lines of a neutral institution, fueling the black brothers’ dissatisfaction and leading to their mutiny. This duality within him—blurring the lines between the Watch, Winterfell, and the wildlings—parallels his growing association with the Night's King.

But unlike the Night’s King, who aligned with the Others and forsook his vows, Jon’s prophetic dream (Jon XII, ADWD) suggests he may have to become king to save the realm. This once again highlights the need for a more flexible moral code.

… and woke with a raven pecking at his chest. “Snow,” the bird cried. Jon swatted at it. The raven shrieked its displeasure and flapped up to a bedpost to glare down balefully at him through the predawn gloom. The day had come. It was the hour of the wolf. Soon enough the sun would rise, and four thousand wildlings would come pouring through the Wall. Madness. Jon Snow ran his burned hand through his hair and wondered once again what he was doing. Once the gate was opened there would be no turning back. It should have been the Old Bear to treat with Tormund. It should have been Jaremy Rykker or Qhorin Halfhand or Denys Mallister or some other seasoned man. It should have been my uncle. It was too late for such misgivings, though. Every choice had its risks, every choice its consequences. He would play the game to its conclusion. He rose and dressed in darkness, as Mormont’s raven muttered across the room. “Corn,” the bird said, and, “King,” and, “Snow, Jon Snow, Jon Snow.” That was queer. The bird had never said his full name before, as best Jon could recall. Jon XII, ADWD

Jon waking from this glimpse of destiny during the hour of the wolf speaks volumes. This period, marking the darkest part of the night before dawn, is a fitting symbol for Jon as he stands atop the Wall, battling the creatures of darkness. It also recalls Cregan Stark’s brief but pivotal tenure as Hand of the King, when he resettled the realm after a devastating war. How Jon’s own rule will unfold is uncertain—will he reign as King of Winter before stepping aside, in line with the Oak King and Holly King myth, or serve as regent to a young king, like Cregan and Ser Ryam did?

Whatever path he takes will redefine the legacy of the Night’s King. It will coincide with his role as a 'corn king'—a figure who symbolizes the cyclical turning of the seasons, from winter to spring, from death to life. Jon will be a force for good, a symbol of hope. This theme of renewal also connects him to Brandon the Builder, a figure defined by creation and the promise of new beginnings.

Jon’s journey could encompass many roles: the lone hero like Symeon Star-Eyes, the necessary but harsh leader during the Long Night like the Night’s King, or the creator of a new era like Brandon the Builder. His story will come full circle, and perhaps he will stand as the 1000th Lord Commander when it does, marking a new chapter in the legacy of the Watch—and the realm itself.

[tm-trx]

Pit Babe 2, ep 1

Pit Babe is back and I decided to do recaps again because I had so much fun doing it last time.

Notes from the TV journal:

it’s been a year and Babe is still having nightmares about Way :( - kudos to the production team on the nightmare sequence though

“Mama loves Papa” and we’re back \o/

that’s right, defend your boy Charlie

Willy creeps me out and I hope that’s the point and not a misread on whatever’s going on with him and the “tick tack” mumbling - creepy mysterious racer out to cause trouble is way more fun to me

I probably should have done that rewatch of season one because I didn’t remember anything about who has what senses so all this serum stuff is confusing

but also, Charlie is on board with human testing now? and they’re trying to develop a serum to remove the special senses? or trying to give them back to Babe? am confused

I know it’s for plot purposes, but if Kim has always wanted to be number one on a team then why’d he join X-Hunter in the first place? He is now doomed to be the third wheel once again, with this new kid gunning for Babe - I like Kim, so I’m hoping for more for him

the Chris face reveal was disappointing and confusing - the camera work was great but the writing (subtitles?) dropped me out of the scene because Chris’ reactions felt off and I kept trying to figure out if he knew ahead of time that he looks like the dead friend of his new employers and that’s why he’s not reacting to the situation - the subtitles seem to suggest he did, but that whole scene still came across weirdly anticlimactic

whatever is going on, it means more angst for Babe so I am here for it; also I really like Nut so I’m glad they found a way to bring him on to season two

Final thoughts:

Who else is now thinking about that comment one of the cast made about Babe/Charlie NC scenes being reduced this season because they’re “old marrieds” now? Can’t help thinking they front-loaded the season when I realized how much we got this episode. I find it both interesting on a production/actor level and amusing on a fandom level at the same time.

Is Dean actually dead?! That whole breakout setup was so weird. I hope Dean's not dead.

I’m not super invested in the serum/Tony’s back plot threads, but hopefully it makes sense in-universe at least - I’m definitely going to go back and rewatch bits of season one to refresh my memory of the lore

I am all in on aggressive!Charlie in defense of Babe - jealous!Charlie is fun too

Relatedly, it is still so refreshing to have a “little guy on top” pairing, after all the nasty fandom wars over the very idea.

I am so so curious about what direction they’re going to take with the new racer. The trailer didn’t give us much but hinted at multiple possibilities. (Please let him be creepy and not just arrogant.)

Edited to add: I completely forgot to point out how great the race was. One of the highlights of the episode for sure.

This was a great start to the new season and a really fun episode. I’m excited for whatever’s coming.

[softloustat]

So I came across the Mayfair Witches thing with Lestat and Felix, and like pretty much everyone on here I was bummed but then I though about it for a very long time, went through the books again and… here’s how I think they can still make it work. Just as a disclaimer though, I’ve only fully read IWTV and TVL, and am currently like 1/3 through QOTD, so if there’s anything in the books after that that disproves my theory I’m sorry! But since the Lestat/Felix arc takes place towards the end of IWTV, I thought I’d still give it a go.

So the main issue here that people bring up is that if Lestat taught Felix to “cull the herd”, he can’t be book Lestat because book Lestat admits to only killing the “evildoers”, so why would he tell Felix to be so merciless? The answer: it’s complicated.

Lestat, the book and the show version, is unfortunately (or fortunately because that’s part of what makes him so interesting) a man who often does the opposite of what he says. I took a closer look at his first moments with Gabrielle after he turns her, and we have a similar situation in which he’s teaching her how to kill. Here’s an excerpt from it:

“I found a victim as soon as we had crossed the river […] [a]nd as I lured the victim out of the tavern, as I teased him, maddened him, and then took him, I knew I was showing off for her, making it a little crueler, more playful. And when the kill came, it had an intensity to it that left me spent afterwards.�� (TVL, p. 147)

When he’s teaching others how to kill, he likes to show off. Simple as that. I’m sure the victim he chose was a criminal, like most his victims, but the point is he never told Gabrielle that. To her knowledge what Lestat just did was brutally murder some random man. Two pages later we have the following passage when Gabrielle makes her first kill and it’s the guy on the horse she ends up stealing the clothes from:

“I was shaken. The innocence of her victims didn’t trouble her. She didn’t fight my moral battles. But then I didn’t fight them anymore either, so why should I judge her? Yet the ease witch which she slew the young man – gracefully breaking his neck when the little drink she took was not enough to kill him – angered me tough it had been extremely exciting to watch. She was colder than I. She was better at all of it, I thought. Magnus had said, “Show no mercy.” But had he meant us to kill when we did not have to kill?” (TVL, pp. 149-150)

Lestat obviously doesn’t feel comfortable killing innocent people, but there’s not one scene in which he either tells someone he’s having moral dilemmas with it, or tells others they shouldn’t kill innocent people. It’s his thing, and it’s his struggle, but he never shares it until he writes about it in TVL. Here’s another excerpt that highlights this:

“When [Louis] says I played with innocent strangers, befriending them and then killing them, how was he to know that I hunted almost exclusively among the gamblers, the thieves, and the killers, being more faithful to my unspoken vow to kill the evildoer than even I had hoped I would be?” (TVL, pp. 434-435)

The key phrase here is “how was he to know”, so Louis had no idea! All this time he spent with Louis, and he never told him that’s what he was doing! Which brings me back to the show, to the reunion moment where Lestat tells Louis “I don’t like to point out my virtues.”

Of course, in the context he’s talking about not telling him he saved him at the trial, but it’s a pretty general statement about himself and it’s true, so far, in the book. He only kills innocent people, never tells anyone about it. He saves Louis at the trial, never tells anyone about it. And while I’ve seen some theories about how him not telling Louis he saved him was part of some pact he made with Armand, I’m just going to take things at face value here until the show proves otherwise.

Lestat always claims he’s “evil” in the books, but he does a whole bunch of stuff to disprove that. I think part of why he doesn’t let people know his good deeds is because there’s a part of him that wants to be perceived as the “evil monster” that he sees himself as. It’s the biggest irony ever for Lestat out of all vampires to claim he’s evil when he’s never acted with malicious intent (in the books, but I would even say in the show as well but the show is more complex in that regard).

The big thing about Lestat, which would also set him apart from show!Louis is that he does his thing and lets others do their thing. He doesn’t interfere with others, doesn’t tell them how to live their lives “the correct way”. Sure, he has many heated discussions about it with Nicki, but those are not him telling Nicki he should live according to his philosophy just because he thinks it’s the correct way to view life. Nicki hates himself at that point, which just gets worse with his way of thinking, and Lestat’s trying to pull him out of that. Nicki’s worldview is actively harmful to him and at least part of the reason for his eventual demise. But that’s not really relevant here, so I’m just going to leave it at that.

Which brings me back to Felix and Lestat. Did he, at some point, go out of his shack to kill people to show Felix how to do it? Not necessarily. The show doesn’t say he did, he could’ve simply just told him how to do it, he did after all figure it out himself too. It’s pretty intuitive I suppose for a vampire, and even when Claudia does her first kill Lestat isn’t shown killing first. He waits in the car with Louis and Claudia manages just fine.

Lestat knows what’s in their nature as vampires, but he himself doesn’t follow it at all times. It’s implied in one of the excerpts above, when he says he’s “being more faithful to [his]unspoken vow to kill the evildoer than even [he] had hoped [he] would be.” He’s not holding himself to any strict rules or high standards here. He’s trying his best, and if he takes an innocent life, he probably feels uncomfortable about it (while he secretly enjoys the feeling) but he’s probably just like “oh well.”

And with Felix, it could absolutely be a situation of do as I say, not as I do. He teaches him what’s in their nature, but he himself chooses to do differently. That, to me, sounds quite a lot like book!Lestat.

Besides, another aspect I’d like to point out is the definition of the word “cull”. Since English isn’t my native language, I had to look it up to really get all the nuances it implies. Here’s what google says:

“Selective slaughter”. Now here’s where I might be wrong and please correct me if I am, but since there are parallels to Darwin in MW, couldn’t that also imply selectively killing a particular group of people? As in, weed out the evildoers, or the weakest who don’t have a chance of survival anyways (as Lestat does after Louis tries to kill him)? The latter would make sense with the Darwin parallel. What we see in MW may be skewed through Felix’ perspective. I haven’t watched MW, but these things happen all the time in IWTV. Killing mercilessly may be only his interpretation of what Lestat said.

TL;DR: Lestat understands vampiric nature well enough to teach others how to kill “like a vampire” when he himself still chooses to do differently. He also doesn’t “like to point out [his] virtues” which is why he never actually told anyone he only kills criminals.