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loveemagicpeace · 11 months

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🪽Juno & Your Soulmate -Houses🪽

❤️‍🔥Juno in 1st house- u want someone who is bold, fiery. It also suggests that your freedom and independence is important for you in a relationship. You want someone who is similiar to you and has similar qualities to you. It is important to you that the person is active and likes to do several things. This placements indicates important life lessons related to connecting with others. You may seek out partners who elevate your status and help you achieve your goals. Your soulmate is someone who is as independent as you or has the same energy as you. The energy here is very important!

🥐Juno in 2nd house- u want someone who is stable and gives you material security. You appreciate luxuries and comfort. You are drawn to someone who is generous and financially self-sufficient, as this enhances your sense of stability within the relationship. Someone who is dominant and who knows what they are doing. Your soulmate is someone who will make you feel that it is okay if you feel safe through material things and someone who will appreciate you for you.

🪴Juno in 3rd house- maybe you want someone who is younger or looks younger. Communication and learning are important in this regard. You like a person with whom you can have mental stimulation. Your partner needs to stay interesting to you, or else you get bored and might look for excitement outside of the relationship. Maybe it can be someone who is your classmate, neighbor or you know them through a friend. Your soulmate is someone with whom you will mentally catch up.

🧚🏼‍♀️Juno in 4th house- u want someone which gives you a sense of home, familiarity, a sense of comfort. Someone with whom you can be at home. A person who will be sympathetic, caring, emotional and who will understand your moods and accept all your emotional responses. You seek protection and nurturing. It is important for you to find a partner who prioritizes family life to worldly success. Also ur relationships with family members become more important after you get married. You also like someone who will have the same view of home and life at home. Your soulmate will be the person who will literally represent home for you (feeling like you've come home).

🪼Juno in 5th house- u want someone who is main character , in the spotlight , famous or someone who's always in center of attention. A person with whom you can always have fun and maintain a romantic atmosphere. You like someone who is charismatic, proud, puts you on first place always. Someone who is always here for u. Partnership helps you be more creative and gives you space to express yourself. Your soulmate is a person who will remind you of your childhood, give you the feeling of childhood, or even a person who will actually be from your childhood.

🛁Juno in 6th house- u want someone with whom you can share your routine and lifestyle. A person who is productive and active, organized.It can happen that you work together or that you meet in the workplace. You need spouse to be a partner in your day-to-day activities. It can also happen that you are so in love with your work that you prioritize it over your family. Maybe you need someone to help you balance your life. Your soulmate will be a person who will help you, do many things for you, help you organize your schedule, someone who will take care of your health.

🧸Juno in 7th house- u want someone who is loving, honest, balanced, beautiful, romantic, maybe hopeless romantic, someone who dreams as much as you. This placement indicates a deep need for marriage and commitment. You crave to find the right partner and get married. Marriage holds important life lessons for you. In a partnership, you discover fulfillment by engaging with someone who equally values their relationships with others. Your soulmate is someone who will bring beauty into your life. Someone who will show you the beautiful side of life. Someone who will value the relationship as much as you do.

🦋Juno in 8th house- u want someone who is deep, intense, dark, private. You want someone who will have a depth within them that will only be shared with you. Someone who will obsess over you and put you first. Someone who will make you feel that you don't need to be ashamed of your bad side. U want intensity in a relationship. Joint resources can also be an important focus of your marriage. Sharing absolutely everything with a person is very important to you and juno here. Your soulmate is a person who will give you the feeling that you can completely trust them and who will be only yours. Someone who will give you their soul (soul connection).

🎸Juno in 9th house- u want someone who likes to travel, likes to explore, learn, do new things. Someone who is optimistic, funny, who always finds something positive. Your partner has to intellectually stimulate you and question your beliefs. You sometimes meet your partner on a trip or through some religious gathering. They are often from a different cultural background. Relationships help you see the bigger picture and gain a deeper understanding of the world and yourself. You soulmate is someone who will give you meaning to your life. Someone who will make you alive.

🩶Juno in 10th house- u want someone who is career focused, hard working, smart. This placement can indicate living in the public eye after marriage. It can be a person who is in a higher position or a person who has an important role. Maybe someone who is older and more mature. You want someone with whom you can build something (it is important to you that the relationship is always being built). You want someone who is practical and shows love. Your soulmate si someone who will give you a realistic view of the world, support you, do things for you and be patient with you.

✨Juno in 11th house- u want someone who is unique, different from the rest, someone who stands out from the crowd ,is rebellious. This also indicates that you can meet your partner through social activities or volunteering. This means it’s highly likely that you’ll find yourself in a serious relationship with someone who is a good friend or otherwise familiar to you. Someone to share your dreams with. Your soulmate is someone who will be your friend and your lover.

🐚Juno in 12th house- u want someone who is dreamy, artistic, mysterious, compassionate. You have a tendency to fall in love with people who are not available. With juno here you can fall in love with people who need help and you can get married to someone who easily gets lost in life. These people may be prone to emotional escapism, withdrawal, detachment, running into a world of illusions and dreams, and, above all, self-deception when their partners do not match their ideals. Your soulmate is a person who will give you the atmosphere of a movie / fairy tale. Someone you will feel subconsciously.

-Rebekah🩵🧚🏼‍♀️🐚

#astrology #energy #zodiac signs #planets #juno #juno in houses #love #realtionship

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elysiansparadise · 1 year

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Your Mercury in their houses

🤎Your Mercury in their 1st house: They feel that communication with you operates naturally, they may consider that you have very similar opinions. Think that you are a person who communicates in a genuine, direct and very own way, they have not met someone who expresses himself in the way that you do and they see a lot of genuineness in you. You may be described as being very firm in your opinions and may find debating with you fun or entertaining. The conversations they have together are not boring at all, you always have something to add and they love that. They see in you a person who really values conversations and seeks to maintain active communication. You became a person with whom they love to share their anecdotes or experiences, no matter how mundane they may be. Even if they don't usually talk about themselves, with you things change and you can see sides of them that not everyone knows. They see you as a very sincere person who always says what he thinks, who is very spontaneous and charismatic when it comes to talking. Talking to you makes them feel motivated and through conversations with you they develop a more authentic way of thinking and acting.

🤎Your Mercury in their 2nd house: They deeply value talking to you, you make every conversation they have something that brings them something that will stay with them for a long time, be it an important lesson, a reminder or even a memory that makes them smile. They feel that you really care about them and help them to take what can help them and let go of what no longer serves or helps them. They see you as a realistic person, thoughtful and attentive to what they have to say, they may think that you don't talk much, but they appreciate and highly value the fact that you are someone who knows how to have a good conversation, who listens and speaks in balance. There may be topics that both of you don't talk about with each other for fear that it will be "too much" for the other person, but this feeling fades when you are with each other. You two help put each other's feet on the ground. This is an overlay that helps long-term relationships, since it indicates that both of you are not afraid to talk about a little more serious topics, besides that it is favorable in case you want to start a project together, because they trust you and your friends a lot. capabilities.

🤎Your Mercury in their 3rd house: With you they felt an almost immediate connection, an immediate affinity because they had similar ways of communicating and thinking. Talking to you is the most fun in the world for them and it's something they have to do constantly. And, if for some reason you cannot see each other, they will do their best to keep in touch with you. They think a lot about you and things to do when you're together.They see you as a person with a lot of knowledge in many different things, someone very witty who never gets tired of talking and making them laugh and those conversations in which your stomach hurts from laughing so much are very common among you. Talking to you seems really stimulating and interesting, and something happens when you get together, and that is that although you do not exclude people, in your conversations you can see a great and strong connection between you and sometimes it just feels like it is just the two of you. They know that they can talk about anything with you, that if there are differences they will resolve it and that if they ask for your opinion you will give it without hesitation and with complete honesty.

🤎Your Mercury in their 4th house: Talking to you feels like letting all the loads off their shoulders, you make them feel comfortable, content and even relieved. Thanks to you, they have a facility for talking about their deepest emotions, they think that you are a person with whom they can talk about their personal experiences, someone who allows them to talk when the day has not been the best, but also someone with whom to celebrate when the day is going amazingly. They like when you show them that you trust them by sharing those things that you usually don't with just anyone, they like to feel like they are having meaningful conversations for both them and you. Your words touch his heart easily, give him a sense of security and genuine love. You are a person with whom they talk a lot about their past and their childhood, they can enjoy having those conversations that allow them to get to know each other on a deep level. They love that you care about their emotional well-being and constantly ask how they feel. Even if you don't notice it, you allow them to appreciate the little things in life. They really like your way of thinking and may have very similar views on family life and how close relationships work.

🤎Your Mercury in their 5th house: You have a knack for stimulating their ability to express themselves genuinely and not just themselves, but their emotions as well. Talking to you is an instant and strong serotonin hit, so don't be surprised to see them smile more when talking or after talking to you! They bring out their most daring, free and charismatic side when they talk to you, thinking of you is synonymous with thinking of smiles and having a good time. They may have similar abilities and interests, especially in their taste in music, or preferences in movies. When you two get together there is no topic of conversation that you do not talk about, communication with you feels more dynamic and entertaining than with other people they know. It is very easy for them to show their romantic side when they are with you, even the flirty one, they may think that you have a very attractive personality that, accompanied by your way of thinking and communicating, ends up fascinating them. They may have a similar opinion about relationships and the idea of having children. Speaking of children, they feel like they can be a little more childish around you and that you are someone with a great sense of humor. Sexually, they may see you as very skilled and sensual.

🤎Your Mercury in their 6th house: There is something that they find adorable about you, and it is like you check up on them, it is very likely that they deeply value the attention you have with them, how you care about their well-being and that they are well. Talking to you will soon become part of their routine and a message from you can motivate them a lot, especially to take care of themselves or to work hard. They think that you are really attentive to those details about them that others go unnoticed, and they value it as you don't get an idea. Communication between you is quite fluid, since Mercury is comfortable in this house. They can come to you when they need advice and they know they can trust you no matter what, they see in you a partner who understands and helps them. Both of you are the person with whom the other talks about those random experiences that happen to you daily. In their eyes you are a very altruistic, hard-working, rational and intelligent person, there is a certain level of mutual admiration between you. It is very likely that you make them think more about taking care of their body and well-being, making them more aware of their health (i.e. if they work a lot, you can help them relax or to fix their eating schedule if they skip meals).

🤎Your Mercury in their 7th house: Your way of thinking attracts them a lot, what you consider a priority may make them think about what they want in a serious relationship. They love how much you prioritize clear and active communication in your relationships, the attention you pay to your connections makes them see you as a very conscientious and consistent person in this field. They may have somewhat different ways of communicating, but they’ll know how to get along with each other. The opinions that the two of you have regarding relationships and what you want from them are similar and that’s what makes you connect. Both understand each other very easily and it’s easy for them to put themselves in the other's shoes. They love that you think of them when making an important decision and that you make them feel part of your life. They and you will constantly talk about the relationship, how to improve it, what to avoid so as not to bother the other and you will make them feel that they can talk about any problem that may arise with total comfort and confidence. It’s likely that it is difficult for them to be so communicative, but since they met you they can be in very constant contact with you (messages or calls are constant).

🤎Your Mercury in their 8th house: You are a fascinating enigma to them, they don't easily know what you think but it seems to you that nothing about them goes unnoticed. They perceive your way of communicating as intense, direct and somewhat seductive, it may be your voice, or simply the way you communicate. They see in you someone with a sexy brain, who seems to know a lot about topics that they are completely unaware of. Talking to you feels very good for them, because they can let off steam and be totally open with what they think, it is entertaining because you leave a lot to the imagination without intending it, because for them it is clear that you have very well defined what seems good to you and what not, what you want and what you don't. They see you as a person who keeps what they think and feel a lot, but whose opinions are very fixed and difficult to change. They also see in you a lot of emotional depth, for you things are deeper and less simple than those of the people with whom they usually interact on a daily basis. Talking to you can change them a lot, from their way of being, their priorities or even their way of thinking. They may think that sexually you are very verbal, very skilled, experimental, and very adaptable.

🤎Your Mercury in their 9th house: Talking to you is a unique experience and they find it extremely fun. They see in you not just someone they can fool around with or joke around with, but they see you as someone somewhat philosophical with whom they can have serious, existential conversations. You are adaptable in their eyes and just as you can be their partner in misdeeds and their best friend, you can be that person with whom to talk about the future, ideologies and the most mysterious sides of life. You are a teacher for them and in this relationship you will teach them many things that they did not know, they will have a deep admiration for you and you will always easily manage to put a smile on their face. They will see you as a person with a lot of experience and wisdom. Before their eyes you communicate with vitality, hope and fire, fun with you is guaranteed. They love hearing from you about those clever things you come up with, even if you think they're weird. You are the person that comes to mind when they think of having someone to stay up all night talking to. Your phrases and what you say are what they call memorable. They see you as a very educated and intelligent person.

🤎Your Mercury in their 10th house: They see you as a person superior to others on an intellectual level, as a person who thinks a lot and plans their future, someone mature who faces life and problems rationally. They can admire you a lot intellectually and they find you a person with prestige. Your mind is a place that amazes them, you may even guide them to improve some skills, because they want to surprise you. They will always address you with respect, although not for that in a cold way, but they do not want to ruin things with you. They love it when you talk to them about your goals and aspirations and that you allow them to do the same. They like that you get excited about their achievements and take an interest in them, in addition to their plans. It is not difficult for them to think about a future with you, since you both share priorities and even motivations and goals. It is very likely that your long-term goals are similar to theirs. They seem touched when you care about their personal success and encourage them to be more independent, you make them feel supported in that regard.

🤎Your Mercury in their 11th house: In their eyes, you’re a person open to the idea of communicating with many different people. They see you as someone who despite having an opinion or way of seeing things, is open enough to listen and talk about other points of view. They see you as a very intelligent person, in fact as one of the most intelligent people they know. They highlight your social intelligence and how you are able to understand others and their experiences. You’re a mixture of originality, uniqueness and awareness of others, they love to see that you don’t only think about your own opinion or well-being and you’re able to think of the other before doing something. You brought new perspectives and concepts into their lives, talking to you is a kind of revelation for them. Talking to you gives them a lot of inspiration and your words encourage them to go after what they dream of and want. You two may have similar ideologies, hobbies, interests, and knowledge. What happens with this overlay is that at first glance both may be different, but once you begin to open up you discover that you have more in common than you think. They’ll love the idea of being able to work with you in any way, since there’s a lot of affinity and intellectual fascination.

🤎Your Mercury in their 12th house: They seem very intrigued by you, communication may not have flowed so much at the beginning, but the desire to know the mysteries and great ideas that were going around in your head was always there. They think that the two of you have a very unique way of connecting, without the need to say a word to each other, they perfectly understand what the other is saying, many times it seems that both of you read each other's minds or are attracted to each other telepathically. They see in you a person with whom they can have conversations about their dreams, or even about those things that they do not speak openly with others, they perceive you as someone who helps them to be more transparent and who will not judge them for it. Creativity and wisdom are things that they highlight in you, since they see you as a great advisor. To them, it seems like you say the right things at the right time. They may have stopped communicating directly at some point, but they never stop thinking about each other. You two talk about your dreams and desires and confide things like your fears or nervousness in the other. Talking to you can reveal some aspects of themselves or life that they are not very aware of.

#synastry #astrology #astro content #synastry post #synastry observations #synastry astrology #synastry chart #synastry overlays #synastry notes #astro notes #astro observations #astrology notes #astrology observations

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youremyheaven · 2 months

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Vedic Astrology Observations

1. Punarvasus tend to be very spiritual if not religious. They find peace in prayer. Another thing I've noticed is that they are very sexually conservative (probably because of their cat yoni). Mariah Carey, Punarvasu Moon was a virgin when she married her first husband and waited until marriage to be intimate with her second husband as well. She was engaged to James Packer for 18 months and they reportedly never had a physical relationship.

Miranda Kerr, Punarvasu Moon was in a relationship with Evan Spiegel for 3 years and waited until marriage. Drew Barrymore, Punarvasu Moon has said that she's been celibate since her divorce in 2016.

2. Mariah Carey, Punarvasu Moon speaking of the nature of light & time , her memoir has multiple chapters titled with light-related names and even sooo many of her songs , including Butterfly (Punarvasus are connected to butterflies)

3. Moksha gana nakshatras embody the trickster archetype. They also often argue or provoke people simply for the heck of it. 2/3 Moon ruled naks (Rohini & Hasta) are Moksha gana and it makes sense as to why they fuck with people just because they can, they have nothing to gain from it and it serves no purpose, they're evil for the heck of it. They'll go to any length to ruin you even if they ruin themselves in the process.

Moksha means liberation in Sanskrit (Sanskrit is a classical language like Latin that is pretty much only used in a scholarly context) and is one of 4 purusharthas or motivations assigned to the 27 naks. The others are artha (wealth) kama (pleasure) and dharma (duty). Moksha would be located at the very top of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which means an individual with Moksha gana naks has transcended all the other base level motivations of accumulating wealth, seeking pleasure and doing one's duty. What is left to do now? If an individual is evolved, they actually seek liberation through their spirituality but if they are not, not only are they unbothered by any ordinary human motives, they lack the ability to devote themselves to anything ordinary because they simply dont care about getting a job or building a house or whatever. this means they also kind of exist beyond normal social norms?? go up against a Moksha gana native/Moon dominant person and the kind of arguments they'll use against you will reveal this nature of theirs. like they will have zero issue using your every vulnerability and insecurity against you just to win an argument or put you down. they hate to look "weak" so they will tear you apart just because they can, with no regard for any history you share. there are people who defend this by saying "oh well i was mad" babygirl everybody gets mad, but if someone isnt raising their voice, being petty or singling you out and bringing up your past to make you crumble, its not because they're incapable of it, its because they have principles.

Moksha gana naks love to play devil's advocate.

4. Rahuvians have bad memory, they probably repeat the same stories in different ways every few weeks lol

5. Saturnian women often marry billionaires according to Claire Nakti and I recently found some more examples of that:

** Mariah Carey, UBP Sun was engaged to Australian billionaire, James Packer who used to date Miranda Kerr, Pushya Rising (both these women are also Punarvasu Moon), Miranda is now married to the CEO of Snapchat.

** Lisa Manobal, UBP Sun is dating Frederic Arnault, a French billionaire

** Elle Macpherson, UBP Sun was in a relationship with Arpad Busson with whom she had 2 kids (he's not a billionaire but he does have a net worth of $500 million)

6. Nominative determinism, literally "name-driven outcome", is the hypothesis that people tend to gravitate towards areas of work that reflect their names.

but i thought i'd use it in the context of astrology and how most people are subconsciously given names that reflect their nakshatras

ex: Angelina Jolie

the name Angelina is an expansion of Angela which is derived from the Greek word Angelos which means "Angel" or "messenger". Angelina has Revati Moon which is a deva ("godly" nakshatra) and Jolie is the French word for "pretty" and Angelina has Venus in 1h and is Pushya Rising (these were two of the biggest beauty indicators according to Claire's research)

(its so cute to me that her name is literally Angel Pretty bc damn right she is)

Yara Shahidi (Revati Moon)- Yara is the name of a water spirit and in Portuguese it means "Water lady" (Yara has stated that her name means one who is close to your heart, but names can have several different meanings) and Shahidi means "witness" in Persian. I feel like all of that really ties together with Revati being in pisces rashi and the last nakshatra that is "witness" to everything else etc

#astrology notes #sidereal astrology #astrology observations #vedic astro notes #nakshatras #astro notes #astrology #vedic astrology #astroblr #astro observations #astro community #12h #jyotish #pisces #punarvasu

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uyuartik · 4 months

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bad idea, right? (obi wan kenobi x f!reader)

tags: slightly sith coded obi wan, no use of y/n, my unhinged take on regency era, (blaming bridgerton and pride and prejudice), probably historical inaccuracies, SMUT, mentions of oral sex (fem and male receiving), mentions of fingering, piv sex, dom!obi?, i really don't know what to write here it is just filth and it is gonna get filthier

a/n: HII! so i became haunted by historical!obi au's and spent six months writing a short series... this is the first chapter out of three, so i hope you stay tuned for the upcoming one (it is FILTHIER than this and about 19k words)

likes and reblogs are very much appreciated, and i can't wait to hear your opinions! i am also crossposting on ao3, feel free to interact there as well.

enjoy!!!

word count: 5.4K

chapter one: see you tonight?

“…Fuck, just like that-“

That voice. Yes, that’s how you ended up here, you think, as you roll your hips, feeling the exquisite contours of Obi Wan’s cock stretching your walls and pulling pleasure out of every cell in your body, and possibly from your soul too.

Ehem. Lord Kenobi.

And truth be told, that’s not exactly how things led here. Of course, his rich voice and the manner in which he used it were notable factors. The way he camouflaged his remarks under sweet quips never failed to make you giggle into the next day, and regardless of the topic (ashamedly, it was mostly about the other people in the room, and their rather obscene behaviors), the comments he made always reflected the intelligence behind it. He played the serious bit perfectly too, even though his reverent sentences carried some poetry, never pompous, yet deep enough to convey its origin and the realness of his sincerity… That’s why you started spending hours with him at balls in the first place. Ten minutes alone with him, undoing all the prejudice you had against the man. All the rumors about him were proven wrong, or at least, half true. And you liked that remaining part of the truth.

Only after that, came the subject of his charms. Not quite surprising, considering that there was no lack of handsome faces around, but a lack of brains in them. Or a true heart. You hated the hypocrisy of it all, and it was a blessing to find someone who shared that sentiment. Not to mention the benefit of him deflecting any unwanted company.

Likewise, he must've thought the same about you, thus your current position. It was obvious that both of you two had similar standards, even in these lewd matters. People didn’t call him a heartbreaker because he pursued a lot of women, but when he did and it came to an inevitable end, they were the shell of whom they used to be, like a person could be mummified by the absence of the joy he charmed people with it. And you, you weren’t the type to have somebody just because you could. No, you looked for a special connection, a click, and when you got lucky and found one among the countless candidates, you treasured it. Now, even the word click sounded wanting, there were sparks present between the two of you, a considerable, good dynamic you two had built, and that made everything just better.

You were almost sad thinking this was a one-time event, already knowing this is a moment you'll remember your entire life. (You weren't gonna push your luck on getting caught.) If there were such deals, two of you keeping it to each other forever in this aspect of life, you’d have signed that contract in a blink.

“Thought you said you were tired.” He breathes out, clearly an effort, yet the smug grin on his face leaves no room for doubt or pity.

“I’ve been sitting all day.” That’s how travel works in carriages, after all. “I think stretching my legs, is what I need.” You emphasize by raising yourself higher and slowly sink back down a few times, a motion that pulls moans from both of your mouths.

Travel. It took you half a day to reach your aunt’s estate, and you were fairly certain you wouldn’t attend the ball that is currently taking place. Then, you realized there was no way your gracious hostesses would see you tonight, you were forced to enter the saloon. It would be a quick in and out, maybe greeting a few more people, no dance, with the very valid excuse of I’ve been on the road all day and I am quite exhausted ready on your lips at any interaction. This was why you didn’t even bother to put much effort into your looks, opting for a change of dress, and nothing more. No jewelry, no retouches to your hair. After all, it would just add to your part if you seemed slightly off.

Somehow, it turned out to be a regrettable decision, when numerous eyes turned to you as you took a step into the room, and even longer after that. Maybe not every head turned or the music came to an abrupt stop, the sprouting silence broken by collective whispers, but it happened, subtle yet enough to make itself known. You were given the same treatment for years at this point, but there was no getting used to it. Color that had been settling in your cheeks seemed to be permanent, at least for the night, not leaving your side as you took your place among your relatives. The expensive fan you were gifted by- God knows who, you were in no mood to remember it now, did nothing to relieve your suffering.

And, countless other greetings don't help either. You fastened the movement of your hand, curling your lips into a forced smile. You could truly get tired from all these repeated words and gestures.

"I'm afraid I forgot to bring my dance card." You said again, to the third man who came with the same offer, Duke Caldo, all true except the part "forgot". You left it, willingly, just in front of your vanity mirror. The mirror which you desperately wanted to see yourself in right now, away from the ball.

"A great pity." The exclamation didn't come from him, though.

Your fan dropped from your hand and closed itself when it hit your wrist, dangling from the loop around your forearm as you heard that voice, no introduction ever needed. Perhaps, not even his voice was required, for there was always that unexplainable change in the quality of air in the rooms he occupied, like he was casting a spell on those around him, trickling magic dust with every step, a rare perfume. You wouldn’t use such metaphors if it wasn’t for the simple fact that your body always figured out his presence before your mind, catching a sense of that hypnotic essence. You often realized all the hairs on your arm standing up, or a tingling sensation in the back of your neck, breathing getting a bit harder, only to quickly locate him in your eyesight.

"Lord Kenobi." It is said in a contemptful respect, a greeting and a goodbye. “Goodnight, my Lady.”

You didn’t even bother to mutter a proper response, and frankly, the Duke didn’t wait for one either. So, all your focus can be reserved on the man in front of you.

You raised your arm as if intending to extend it so he could complete his small tradition of placing a kiss on the back of your hand, like he has done every time your paths crossed, even multiple times a day (that’s exactly how you noticed it was more than a simple salutation), (honestly, you liked it, his daring movement revealing a lot about his nature), only to flick it to reopen your fan. The gentlest gust of it licking your skin was more than enough now, making it all too pleasing to watch him save himself with a deep bow of his head, the annoyance quickly turning into a satisfied grin, like he didn’t expect anything less from you.

“That looks even more beautiful in your hand.” He pointed at it, but his eyes wandered all over your body. You did the same, though there was little notice, his usual beige suit far too familiar. Your focus was always on the fact that he looked so good in it, taking in the broadness of his shoulders, or his defined arms exquisitely pronounced over the fabric.

Right. So it was his gift. Why did you ever entertain other possibilities?

You weren’t going to disappoint him by mentioning it is only here because your panicked maid accidentally packed the first item she saw, for you never took anonymous gifts. You didn’t need the attention they brought.

"And I couldn't thank you enough for it. I can practically name it my savior tonight." You answered, making a show of lavishing yourself in the stream it creates.

"My only source of pride is the fact that it perfectly blends with the rest of your attire. Now, I can proudly say I know your taste."

Classic Obi Wan. Even his compliments, far from usual, borderline scandalous. He's been peppering you with them ever since the start of your friendship and you were never immune to them. You outright enjoyed them. Especially now, they didn’t help the simmering tingles forming at the depths of your belly, amplified by weeks of solitude. “Only a part of it I’m afraid, but you’ll learn the rest in no time, don’t worry.”

“Can’t wait.” He grinned and scanned the room for prying eyes. Finding none, he made himself more comfortable by your side, hoping to spend the rest of his night with you.

“I didn’t expect to see you tonight.” You admitted, somehow managing not to sound like you’re overly joyous of that not happening.

“I could say the same about you.” Was that excitement, or disappointment in his voice? Was he planning of politely ravishing other women, when you were not present to entertain him? Something told you those were not among his intentions, the smile on his face too honest, his twinkling gaze focused solely on you.

You tilted your head and curled your lips. Touché. “It is nice to attend the ball your acquaintances are throwing, even if you arrive late. But for you, sir, I'm afraid people will actually think you're looking for a wife."

He rolled his eyes. There was a hint of offense in them just at the mentioning of the subject, but the playful type, not the exasperated type he uses for others.

"Curious. The diamond of the season is also here. Isn't it strange that she still hasn't found someone, it's nearly the end of the season?" You inhaled sharply, dramatizing further. "Do you have something to do with it, Lord Kenobi?"

He scoffed, the impossibility of it reflected in his voice. "The diamond of the season?-"

"I thought you deserve nothing less." You explained, but he interjected.

"I'm only interested in one diamond." He said, initiating intense eye contact.

It was your turn to scoff, and run away from his gaze. "I was never the diamond."

"Only because you saw how better you were than the rest, and fled just before the start of the season." His eyebrows were raised, begging for a denial.

"I had planned that trip months ago." You simply stated. "And I came back halfway through summer, didn't I?"

"Just like now."

"Do I need to remind you who you have been spending time with since June?"

"And where were you coming from tonight, ending your visit of- how long was it?"

"I am fond of traveling. Balls and banquets can entertain someone so far. " You shrugged, "Lord Kenobi, are you trying to say that you missed me?"

"I could never claim otherwise."

That was true from your perspective as well. All these years of constant traveling, and this year was the first time you missed what you left behind at home, even during the buzzing, pretense-filled months. None of it seemed that intolerable, and somewhat fun, if you dare to admit. You knew this impression was his doing, and now after your while spent apart, the feeling came back tenfold, almost making you squirm over such loose confessions.

That was it. That was the turning point of the night.

“Truth be told, the night is going much better than I dreamed of, and I almost regret forgetting my dance card.” You raised your chin, and sent him a look. “Would you be so kind to help me find it?”

You could basically see the gears turning, a fire behind his eyes, fueling the desire growing in the depths of your belly. His gaze was piercing, even after he’d long decided, the truth known to both of you. Your heartbeats must’ve been visible, you imagined, and felt it skip a beat as he licked his lip. “Lead the way.”

Now that’s, how you ended up here.

However, as you look down at his face, the story gets blurry, perhaps outright loses its importance, abandoning your mind. His hair is tousled, a rebel strand in front of his eyes, and moves with every bounce. Your hands are too busy to hold onto his sweaty chest, slightly tugging on the auburn fuzz. You wanted to do that ever since he took his shirt off.

(Then again, you’re not sorry for the amount of time you couldn’t, drowning in him. The moment you felt his expert lips on yours, all your will to protest anything had died. Later, as his fingers joined the show, you quickly realized you were fine with what he gave, but he, ever the gentleman, let you prevail.)

It is a sight. And the moans that fall from his lips surpass the delicate melody the musicians are playing downstairs in every way, which can still faintly be heard. (You never thought an orchestra would accompany you during this, but here you were. It is a detail you’ll remember with a smile while looking back at it, but now, you couldn’t care any less.)

“You’re taking me so well.” He starts to thrust his hips up slightly, meeting your rhythm, but never overtaking it.

“I know.” You giggle, but the reaction he’s taken notice of is your fingertips digging in further, and your walls fluttering around his cock.

When you start to falter a bit, perhaps due to the fatigue settling on your muscles embarrassingly not long after his words, or his mere presence clouding your brain, his fingers that have been resting on your thighs slowly ascend to your hips. The fingers drenched in your juices, another element that has the coil in your belly tighter. The next few strokes, with his guiding hand, touch something deep inside you, and your jaw hangs open.

“Fuck…” is the only word you can mutter, and he chuckles at it.

“Is that so?” He mocks, but brushes your loose ringlets with a single hand, and caresses your nipple on its way down. The latter shows his true disposition, and that drives you to be more vocal, if you weren’t already.

“You feel… so… good.” You can hardly say, as your puffy clit drag against his skin all so deliciously like this.

He twitches inside you at the compliment, and you throw your head back with a whine. Despite the fact that he would kill to see your face, he doesn’t push, enjoying the state he’s putting you in with his voice. Every praise that falls from his lips earns him a melodic moan, along with the feeling of you tensing and relaxing, always responding to his call in one way or another.

You’re one step away from being a doll at his bend, though you couldn’t care any less, not when you are this close.

He likes it, very very much. Yet, not enough to silence his wishes of how to ruin you, in the best way.

In a blink, you find yourself on your back, and him on top of you. That’s not the first thing you see, though. It is his hand, lifted from wherever it fell, catching your chin to turn your head to him. Sounds of panting are all there is, no movement, no words, not even your rapid heartbeats drumming in your ears seconds ago as if the world stopped for a second.

His thumb caresses your lower lip, and you let it slip in. God, you can still taste yourself. The revelation has your objections at the change dead, your face twisting, yet he tsks thrice, capturing your attention.

“Let me see those eyes.” Obi Wan commands, and you have no choice but to oblige. “You look so good beneath me.”

Somehow, his words have you flushing and squirming as if that was the most inappropriate thing happening in this room. Funny, how he breaks your will, and you let it. Against all the talk of your friendship, until an hour ago, you’d have lashed out at an equivalent demeanor, even said in affectionate terms. (Any other way is simply impossible, anyway.) But, that hour proved itself to be much precious, and now with that glossy gaze, snatched right from the brink of climax, you focus on the doting aspect, how he cannot get enough of the image of you.

You start to writhe, the new emptiness inside you unbearable. “Touch me, Obi Wan…”

He's not proud of the way your begging has his cock leaking, though that hardly stops him. He lives for mutual pleasure, even just yours at the moment, yet you look so pretty like this, grasping the sheets.

"Like this?" He slides his thumb further into your mouth, relishing the feeling of your tongue swirling around it immediately. Or course he wasn't expecting you to suck him off if you didn't want to, nor would he ever ask for it, he can't help but imagine the feeling, his hips rolling in seek of stimulation.

You shake your head, and his finger is freed with a pop. You frown as the sole contact you have with him is lost. It is a warning sign for him, the fragility of your dream-like state, a reminder of how he has to do better, if he wants to take control. As a gentleman, he wanted to give you everything you desired, but since it was your first time together, a terra incognita, he had to be sure of your limits, so he followed your wishes gladly. The wishes which were masterfully balanced versions of both of your needs. The same problem troubled you too of course, but you were a quick learner, a connoisseur of his taste in no time. The fact that it was very similar to yours was an exciting discovery, certainly a pleasant one, and was a great help, so great that it almost felt like cheating. While he took no issue with your tricks; the urge to take you on his terms, the compulsion to show you how he wants to cherish you couldn’t be suppressed any longer. He had to let you know.

He leans in closer, his arms bend as yours find his shoulders like a habit, “Like this?” He murmurs, right before brushing his lips against yours, effectively swallowing your whine. Though it was a sound of protest, all complementary sentiments die when he nips at your lower lip, and you open your mouth, lost in the sensation of his tongue licking yours, and his sweet essence. In contrast to his other needs taken good care of, he hadn’t taken enough of the feeling of our mouths joining. God, he spent hours imagining your mouth, curling into every shape as smart words spilled from it, enhancing his fascination with you. It fires the flames of haze further, even if he’s not actually properly touching you. Your hand roams his neck, then etches itself into his silky hair. You’ve done that a few times now (and found his response most addicting), but it is hardly satisfactory compared to the amounts you dreamed of doing during these last couple of months. You saw him prim and proper mostly, not a strand out of place, making you marvel at its excellence, and the itch to mess it up growing stronger each instance, a stark contrast to your surroundings. Also, there were times the infamous piece fell in front of his eyes, and sometimes even more disheveled than that, riding a horse, enjoying sports with his friends, and once after a bath, when your family visit started a little earlier than planned. You were always admiring the way it reflected light, creating almost a halo around his head, especially in sunlight. It is the first thing your eye is drawn to whenever you’re in the same place, a beacon of sorts. You never thought you’d be this amazed by hair, yet the moans he produces when you tug on it, add to your astonishment, and you’re not sure if you can look at it again, without being reminded of this moment.

He breaks the kiss as for you to catch your breath, for he has long kept you away from it. Still, he continues to pepper you with tons of them, scattered all across your jaw and neck, in search of that sweet spot that has you cursing. It is not a serious journey, in fact, he does more than press his lips against your skin properly, tease you with his open mouth, drag his tongue along the taut muscle, nip and outright bite, once.

“No marks-“ You protest. Futile. You should’ve warned before he started to nibble, way before he sank his teeth, but it has happened after all, and you can already feel blood settling on the sites of his attack. “What I am going to tell my maid now?”

“The truth.” He retorts. “Of how you led Lord Kenobi into our bed, and did dirty, unspeakable things with him.”

That earns him a harsh pull at his scalp, and a pat on his shoulder. He meets with your glaring gaze, and cheeks redder than a minute ago. So, he’s still on your good side. Barely.

“Apologies, my dear.” He takes the hand that smacked him, and places a peck onto your palm before placing it back. You can’t break the eye contact as he does so, something about his appearance, perhaps his position, or the charming contours of his face, or the way he deals with your anger keeps you from kicking him out. Caressing your open legs, he massages them ‘til they relax afresh, squeezing at the soft flesh. You hiss when his movement nears your inner thighs, thanks to his beard, and the climax it brought you. The gesture hints, still, there’s the matter of fire burning in your belly. “Couldn’t resist, you know me. Let me make it up to you.”

He wastes one more second to carve this image inside his head, then fulfills his promise. He likes the way you tremble while you wait, a whimper leaving your mouth at him taking his cock into his hand and stroking it a few times. God, how you wish that was your hand. Damn your stubbornness, and demand for compensation. You put extreme effort into staying still, releasing a shaky breath when he places the tip at your entrance.

Remember when he said “ruin”?

He doesn’t push it in, instead letting it slide up your slick folds, and tap against your clit. You nearly jolt at the touch, yet again tasting bliss, even if it is in mere drops. He repeats the action, and you sob, digging your nails into his shoulders. Maybe you’re the one leaving marks now, but you don’t care. Eye for an eye you can say, in retrospect.

“You’re so wet.” He can’t stop looking into your glistening core. He also can hear it, the squelching sounds echoing at his every movement. He knows you can too, that it calms your nerves, though they act up for different reasons. “All this for me?”

Unfortunately, you are late to realize he doesn’t take your moans for an answer. You can’t help it, you are unable to form words. Even if you gather the strength, they die out at your throat, especially under his piercing look. Fuck, he loves how cockdumb you’ve become for him.

He takes pity on you then, dropping his cock to briefly rest on your opening, and forces his fat tip in.

Your back arches, a throaty sound filling the room. He shushes right next to your ear, in an effort to calm you down as he slips the rest in. It is as if you’re taking him the first time, like you weren’t riding him moments ago.

“Fuck-“ That’s the only reaction, the only answer he needs. You fall back into the sheets, the first time he rolls his hips, and sets a new rhythm, a slow one to kindle the flame once more. Your hair probably getting tangled from the way it’s rubbing against the sheets, and your legs are split wide open. You feel every vein and ridge moving against your walls, the slight resistance disappearing in no time. His chest brushes against yours, and combined with the warmth of his breath, so close to yours, it’s easy to let go of your worries.

This is why you ended up here.

“Faster!” While he already feels great, it’s not the exact pattern to provide that sweet release, not in the timeframe you hoped.

“I want this to last, dear.”

Your eyes roll to the back of your head. A part of it due to irritation. Being subjected to that response before, he snickers to see you’re still you, even when you’re literally fucked out of your mind. As he does so, his lips skim yours. You take it, greedily, one hand first on his neck to ensure he stays, then to his unruly tress, aspiring to compel him into the middle ground. That earns you a few groans, yes, but his will doesn’t seem to falter even a little bit.

Perseverance, is a mutual quality, as you already know.

You slowly release the grip you have on his head, emphasis on slowly. It goes unnoticed, thanks to your timely bite, the same assault he once carried out. You don’t waste the access to his tongue, sucking on it. You’re not sure if his moans are increased in number, or if it feels more because you swallow every single one of them, but the fact that his beard starts to prick your cheeks harder gives you an idea.

Your free hand falls into sheets and slithers across the length of your body. Just a little more- you’re almost about to touch your –

His fingers wrap around your wrist instantly, dragging it up, a little further away from your face. You twist your neck, a wail coming out as you reject his kiss.

Only to be met by the sight of that said fingers running up your palm, and interlock themselves among yours.

Your breath hitches, for reasons unknown to you.

“Ah- ah -ah.” He tuts, though there’s not a hint of disappointment in his voice. “What kind of a gentleman would I be if I let you do all the work?”

You can’t believe one physical contact, and his words, are enough to carry you to that previous peak. Your pussy contracts around him, beyond your control, an indication of your closeness, nothing compared to before.

“Ngh- that’s it.” He encourages, “Just relax and take it.” That’s more sincerity than you’ve ever heard from him.

It goes on and on for a while, him doing exactly what he promised to do, and fulfilling his wishes in the process. He already knows this could go on ‘til morning, and he still wouldn’t be completely satisfied, longing for your presence the second he leaves the bed. Still, he continues, pushing himself to his limit, and that’s getting quite harder when you clamp on him that hard. He feels his cock leaking, begging for that sweet end.

When his arm that’s not supporting his weight travels down, caressing your hip before pressing his thumb to your clit, finally, you reward it with a whisper of his name, a sound he won’t dare to forget. Your back arches impossibly higher, and he has to lean back, abandoning his other hold.

Your limb stays in the spot he left it.

He curses at the realization, perhaps its effect mirroring yours when he first initiated the contact. Fuck, how are you so perfect? He snaps his hips harder, and circles his thumb, feeling it throb.

“Obi Wan-I’m c-“

He loves how your words are cut with the need to scream that you gulp down, only resigned to breathing as your face contorts with pleasure. “Cum for me, love.”

Your moans blend into each other, as he cannot stay still at the feeling of your walls squeezing him so tight. He holds your trembling thigh, fondling the soft flesh, adoring the way it spills from his grip. He doesn’t stop ‘til they settle again once more, and even a little longer than that, pulling out in the last minute to cover your belly with his spend.

That act keeps you from turning to your side, and feeds the desire to hug the sheets, a soft but firm ground for your senses to return. You're not complainant of it anyways, you have a far better view in front of you, defined muscles undulating with each heavy breath, glistening due to the light coat of sweat covering them, lips puffy and slightly flushed with blood, as well as his cheeks. You always thought he was devilishly handsome, but this, this is something else. The world should consider itself lucky, or it would bend to his will just from his looks. Or unlucky, for the honor is bestowed upon a handful of people.

He believes he's blessed with the sight upon him, too. Still holding onto your thigh, he delights in spontaneous tremors that possess it. If he looks closely, he's sure he can see the faint mark he left. Your hair is sprawled around, much in contrast to the delicate up-dos you and every noblewoman fashioned, its most natural form, and the intimacy of it definitely causes a small breakdown. You belong in a painting, depicting goddesses and nymphs, a grace outside the limits of time and culture. Your droopy lids and tired pull at the corners of your mouth fill his chest with pride and more adoration, like after his every successful attempt to elicit a reaction from you. It happens often, thanks to the understanding that grows between the two of you, but every example is still treasured in in his mind.

“Well, I don’t know any better way to spend the night.”

You giggle. “I agree.”

“We should’ve done this before.”

Your lifted brows are the perfect answer. Like it’s that easy.

But he has a point, too.

In the comfortable silence, he gets up from bed, a sigh at the roar coming from downstairs, drowning the music. That’s still going, huh? You watch as he wets the nearest towel, and returns, cleaning the mess with unexpected gentleness that it almost tickles. There’s no aim to steal one more touch at his movements, no personal gain except an easy conscience, and even that is a stretch because it’s most natural to him, his understanding of tenderness.

“Well, thank you, sir.” You sit up, with a yawn, and scooch backward to your pillows as he retreats to give himself the same treatment. “And my nightgown, please.” You point to it, and amusingly follow his subtle headshake, and efforts to hand it over. He hesitates for a second at the last minute, considering rebellion, a last joke. You see it, and snatch the fabric from his grip before he can tighten it. He can feel it sliding over his skin, the light material flying. You slip it on, aware of his voyeur. with a victorious smile cut too short as exhaustion creeps into your bones. You’re no different, in any case, settling into the fluffy pillows, curiously examining each piece of clothing he puts on from afar, the unwritten rule of his habits, his hidden glances at your mirror in a feeble pursuit to tame his messy hair. You’re willing to be charged guilty for that.

He stalls, though, you can feel it after a while, around the time sleep clouds your vision. How could anyone blame him for not wanting to leave, carve your picture to his mind, and calm his yet again straining cock at it?

“You should be going. Servants are going to be wandering these corridors for orders, soon.” Your heart winces at the warning, because he's not the type to need it, or disregard you to put you at any risk. But your cognation runs thin, and he needs to know the dangers he might face.

"True. Right. You're correct." Is that a stutter? "Good night, my lady."

"Good night, Lord Kenobi.

"Glad to be of help in stretching your legs."

The cushion falls short to exactly hit him, but the sentiment is clear.

In the morning, you uncover the reasons behind his diversion.

Bastard signed every slot in your dance card.

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cooki3face · 5 months

Text

messages for singles from your divine counterpart:

message: hello, this one’s intended for those who are single, who are manifesting new love or manifesting a divine counterpart or manifesting their person as in “the one” I intend to do these in channeled message format so it’ll be a message that sounds as though I’m speaking directly to you. In life we have plenty of soulmates, plenty of karmics, some of us have a twin flame even as well. But whomever, you’re intended to end up with long term and indefinitely is who I’ll be channeling in energy today. My prayer for those of you who are choosing to receive this message is that it reaches those who are only in alignment with the prospect of love and divinely ordained connections and are willing to manifest happiness and abundance for themselves through action and growth. Our hearts are big enough to share and open up to many but I pray that those whom you choose to share your hearts with and those whom approach you with the prospect of sharing theirs are in true alignment with you and will treat you only with upmost tenderness and care. Bless. 💙

*purples and blues are significant once again, also fish. 🎣 lol wtv that means..*

***

“I know that things have been hard for you, you may feel somewhat hopeless about your romantic relationships and about love. You may have entered this lifetime with strong feelings and a deep pull to romantic love and connections, you want to focus on someone, you want to love and be loved, you want for others to do for you what you so effortlessly do for them. I am all the same I promise. You feel as though what you’re looking for may not truly exist, you feel as through you’ve been hurt or mistreated so much that you have a responsibility to settle in order to be happy or that the people you find yourself attached to or loving deeply are the end be all for you and if they were to go that you’d be alone eternally. That’s just not true.

Hardship and the battle forward is rewarded with good things my love. Don’t be stubborn, don’t bury yourself deep into the ground and refuse to move, do not take root where you do not belong, where you do not belong does not have the nutrients to allow you to grow as I will. Where you do not belong will weaken your roots, will eat away at you, will tie you down and tangle you up in order to keep you from growing towards the sky. Do not allow the negative behaviors and actions of others interfere with the purity of your heart. To strive for better means only to remain strong and authentic in times of crisis.

To me, your divinity shines up towards the heavens like a beacon of hope and you are everything I have been looking for and praying for. I watch you. I study you. I hang on to your every word. You are home to me while several aspects of my spirit lain and remain frequent in movement. When I come to you, I’d have found myself but there is more that I will discover about what I need and what I truly desire out of this lifetime through you. You are so special, so divine, you are the single closest thing to the heavens. I will support you. Those who speak ill of you will be silenced. I will protect you. When one finds an angel, they are tasked with the responsibility of creating heaven for them and that is exactly what I’ll do.

In the now, I remain in the process of coming into alignment with myself, seeking out my own divinity as you seem to effortlessly have, I love you because you make me a better individual, you bring solace for my spirit after a long while having none, you pour into me light you’ve sourced from only the most authentic of places. Your growth means mine so please carry on, focus on what it means to find enlightenment and fulfillment in your own life and in your own reality, build things for yourself, create, find peace where you don’t have it by removing what disrupts it. I know that you love to talk and I will love to listen to you, we will stay up for hours having conversations and connecting with one another, I value your love for communication and your ability to speak and write so effortlessly about a variety of things, you bring with you wisdom wherever you go, your mind is a god given one.

I know god, I know faith, but I will not see it in all of its glory and essence until I meet you. You are the physical embodiment of divinity, of love, of spirituality, of power. Please do not be hurt by the way things have revealed themselves to be in your life and in love, move with grace, offer yourself forgiveness for not seeing the worst in others right away because it is not within your heart to do so. Acceptance is the key to inner peace, we must accept things as they are. I will tell you plenty that there is no peace nor purpose in trying to change things that are beyond our control or have already taken the form of which they already are. With me you’ll learn balance, with me you’ll learn what it means to be fluid, to be malleable and flexible. In more ways than one..

I bring and offer to you support and balance where you do not have it. De-center your romantic relationships at this time. De-center the prospect of searching for love or a divine counterpart. Laugh. Enjoy your life, have fun, love yourself, love the things you create, love the human experience. Seek out love and solace in every where but others whom you have to trudge through deep waters in order to find. I am with you in spirit. Look deep into your heart and you will find all my love and support.”

***

ii.

“I want only to create beautiful things with you my love, to create prosperity in our lives, to build homes wherever we go, to have children with you, to make love and love one another equally. But, before we can do that, there is something i need to let go of. Change is difficult, I know it to be true but we can only receive what we rightfully deserve when we open ourselves up to receiving it, we can only recover from what we will allow yourselves to release. I have so much to say to you but I can’t put into words all I want to say just yet but I am trying, I am growing. Where change comes and attempts to pull you away from wherever youve held yourself against your spirits true desires and wishes is where change threatens to pull me from as well.

My heart is heavy, I have many blockages to work through. I am afraid, and my past, my upbringing and my karmic cycles threaten always to pull me into the trap of continuing to live and love through generational curses, to fall into toxic cycles of repetition, or to continue not perpetuate cycles of abuse or bad habits. I feel restless all the time and my problem at this time, in this day and age is not feeling as though I have the capacity or strength to do the inner work to break heavy generational burdens that have been inherited to me.

I fought to be here, my spirit is weary, in my past life I lived a life or hardship, and in this one I bring with me heavy things, I said to God that I would come back and try again, but consciously, in my human mind, I don’t remember, I do not know the source of my trauma and my hardship in full. I feel as though on my journey into this world I was sent plummeting into the abyss. I feel the way the Morningstar felt when god cast him out. I feel your resistance, you do not want to speak with me or you do not want to hear from me. But I fought to be here. To be within this plain of existence and to come through this message to connect with you.

I do not blame you for the way that you feel, I know that I do not have the capacity at this time to give you everything you need and deserve and so as punishment for my behavior you’ve taken your heart away from me and given it to someone else or have locked it away elsewhere out of my reach. I understand. If you choose to part from me till the end of this lifetime and into the next I do not blame you and I will not be angry. I will live with regret. You no longer romanticize hardship, you have healed, you have outgrown me for my purpose within our past and I respect that, I respect your decision, I respect you. What I want most out of this life is to heal, to come into alignment with myself and to be with you, what you want is to be loved wholly and beyond fears and ego and for a very long time I could not do that for you and so you took yourself elsewhere. You are brave and you are strong. You represent what it means to be in love with yourself, to be in alignment, to be love, to grow, to prosper.

I will transform, I will make the changes necessary for myself like you asked me too. You told me once, that you wished for me self love and peace and I will find it. With or without you as you did in your life. I will reap the reward of healing and of growth and of freedom from karmic cycles and generational trauma. I will be strong and I will be brave just as you told me to be. I will take from the strength you poured into me that I stored away due to me not knowing how to use it in the past. I’m going to let go of all of these horrible things, I’m going to server my attatchment to my trauma. See? Now you are calm. You don’t scowl at me or frown, you’re calm and beautiful as you exist in my memory. I’m your twin flame. I am apart of you. The qualities that you dislike within me are qualities you dislike within yourself. We are one. You may have moved on from me, you may have grown, you may be in the process of creating things for yourself in your life, settling into commitments, loving yourself and loving others but I’ll be with you. In spirit.”

***

iii.

“The two of us haven’t yet met but I believe that I will find you one day when we’re ready to meet one another. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, I’m sure we both have in our lives. I know that you’re waiting for me and I know that at times you feel restless or exhausted or you may even feel lonely or frustrated due to the fact that you haven’t met someone who is perfectly suited for you as you think you’d observed in other peoples relationships.

Don’t envy others, in there situations there is proof of flaws as well however minimal. We have so much inner work to do and so much growth to embark on, I’ve not come, we’ve not come together because we’re simply not ready and it’s only a matter of time and the choices we choose to make in between time. Don’t wait up for me, don’t center your growth around love, set yourself free, allow your spirit to move through life and gain the gift of the human experience without desired outcomes or predetermined ideas about what will come if you choose to grow, if you choose self love, if you choose to come into alignment with your higher self. I would say all these things to you as a friend before I was in the position to say them to you as a lover.

Your value, your time, your energy, your worth are not attached to who you can become for others or what you could potentially receive for growing or becoming who’ve been meaning to be this entire time. Think about everything that you desire for yourself, consider your freedom and your return from spiritual poverty. Reevaluate what is truly important to you. We can only offer and give to others what he already have for ourselves. It is not your job to go out into the world and fall in love it is your job to fall in love with yourself and all of your divinity and come into true alignment so that I may come to you and offer myself to you in full. I want for you what you want for yourself… happiness, peace, support, safety.. you can hear my voice by now within your spirit, hold onto me. Take root.

Release your anger, release your frustration, do not allow yourself to be easily moved or threatened by others and triggering situations, don’t allow people’s behaviors whether they be negative or be in positive intention push you to be cold and apathetic or negative or rude. To love yourself is to love others. To be patient with yourself is to be patient with others. To forgive yourself is to forgive others. To be emotionally in tune and receptive is to see the truth in situations and make room for all truths. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrong doings. Ask yourself, my love, if you are these things you say you want, if you are all these things you say you want love to be, if you are in the energy to receive it. And then, when you are ready and you are able, I will come.

***

thankyou for listening guys, rest or be productive today in ways that matter, you choose. Be calm today, be reflective, be intentional. Show yourself grace and offer it to others. I love you, and I’ll see you another time! Bless! 🎣💜

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windvexer · 10 months

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Potentially you gotta stop making all those substitutions to the spells, witch bestie.

If you're trying to learn magic and have chosen to do so through other people's published instructional manuals, and the magic isn't working, consider asking yourself if you are actually following the rituals provided.

I've been speaking with multiple people lately who are all struggling with the same thing, so perhaps a post on this topic is germane.

Unless you understand the tradition you're working with and why certain things have certain meanings, you probably do not have the background required to make effective substitutions.

Working within someone else's established tradition is not the same as working within your personal eclectic path.

Imagine you go into a working group which is super into bioregional practice and they've developed elaborate rituals which always work for them.

They give you a purification ritual which calls for a red apple, wild-harvested cotton, and local mulberries to be worked over during a full moon.

They do not tell you why each of these things is included. They just give you the list.

We're going to substitute a store-bought cotton ball, obviously, and what to do about the mulberries? We can google "mulberry correspondences," find out they're related to "healing" which is the closest thing we can figure has anything to do with a purification ritual, then pretty much figure that since chamomile is associated with sleep and purification, and sleep is a Lunar thing, right, that we can just use a sleepytime chamomile tea bag, and there you have it!

What the working group has failed to tell you is that this entire ritual is based on local mythology where the cotton wight fell in love with the mulberry dryad and they got married under the full moon by sharing an apple, and the entire ritual isn't based on sympathetic container magic, but is a heirophany which recreates the marriage of local sacred spirits, each of whom has sworn to heal and purify those who honor their love.

A heck of a lot of witchcraft authors do not break down why every single step is taken.

And if you apply contemporary witch-lite logic to everything ("cotton is white so I'm going to relate that to color correspondences and substitute a white candle for purity"), you can end up immediately canceling out a spell.

Not understanding or connecting with certain spell/ritual steps is not a good reason to change them.

You had mulberries once as a kid and they gave you stomach cramps and now you personally associate them with hexing and sickness, so even though there is a ripe mulberry tree outside, you are going to go get a container of blackberries instead, which you personally associate with purification, and -

(You get the drift)

The spell calls for making a paper box, within which you hide the wild cotton and mulberry. Then, at a crossroads at the full moon, you unfold the box to reveal its contents, and offer an apple to the correspondences.

Which would mean we'd have to learn how to make a paper box (fun!) but also like, why this unfolding thing? Nothing I've read so far in my witchcraft books has explained the magical meaning behind opening a paper box. This is basically a container spell, right? I'll just use a glass jar.

(The plant spirits who informed the local coven about this spellwork specified an opaque, degradable container)

If you're using other people's work, you're more or less sacrificing yourself to the reality that they probably are not explaining everything to you, and that your assumptions about what makes that magic tick could be so far off base that even your most educated guesses will fall short.

Yeah, using other people's traditions can mean you don't have what's required to do everything, and that's kind of just the way it is.

I'm not trying to be Mr. Just Go And Buy Stuff You Moneybags, but I guess I am being Mr. If You Can't Do It Then You Can't Do it.

And no, I'm not saying that it's impossible to figure out substitutions.

I'm specifically referring to a situation where a practitioner is trying to figure out magic, hasn't been able to make strides, and then it turns out they've been radically modifying and altering spells from specific traditions to a point where the spell is obviously functionally DOA.

At one point I was learning some slightly advanced bit of coding. I downloaded a set of files from a code library and installed them on my website.

The thing was, at that point in my education, I had enough experience to basically understand what was going on with each file. So, I edited them as I went, modifying them to my custom specifications.

Wouldn't you know it! When I launched the code it was broken. DOA, if you will.

I went back to the code library, and the top comment was,

INSTALL THE FILES AND MAKE SURE THEY WORK BEFORE YOU TRY TO CHANGE THEM. Everyone keeps changing things before they even test launch it and then they come back here and complain that the code is broken. IT ISN'T BROKEN.

#witchcraft #witch tips #tbl

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soapoet · 1 year

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who is thinking about you?

like & rb if it resonates ♡

01.

Shufflemancy: Power over me by Dermot Kennedy

For many of you this is someone with whom you share a somewhat professional relationship with. They may be a colleague, fellow student, a client, or service provider. Anyone who has some authority over you or simply holds a higher position. A person you turn to for help or guidance. To put it into perspective, this can be either your boss or someone you have hired or vice versa, but for some it could be the dm or fellow player of that d&d campaign, somebody you collaborate or work with towards something.

This person is very easy for you to talk to, and regardless of the professional or goal-oriented undertones of the connection, the two of you meet at a similar wavelength as equals. Lines are blurred both ways due to the ease and comfort of your rapport. Their day is made brighter in your presence, and they may smile to themselves whenever you cross their mind. Though on occasion they are filled with concern. It is possible that you have confided in them recently, and knowing your struggles sometimes leaves them feeling helpless. As if they wish they could do more. They certainly have a bit of a saviour complex, or identify as a problem solver and wish to fix some situation in your life or offer their support and guide you through rough terrain.

They are treading a fine line within their mind. They have thoughts and ideas swirling in their head, figuring out ways to best be of assistance to you and help you help yourself. Simultaneously, however, they catch themselves frequently smiling, heart perhaps fluttering, at various little moments you have shared, and the way those moments could have played out differently if only they had the courage to act more freely. They are caught off guard, possibly even disturbed sometimes, by their own capacity of crossing lines, even if just in their mind. They may even find it hard to sleep sometimes because they have you on their mind. But still they find these imaginary escapades intoxicating and rejuvenating. They find ways to justify their thoughts, telling themselves it is okay because it is all in their head and they have the wits about them not to act on them. Because their primary concern is with work or their obligations and role as a mentor or colleague of yours, they try their best to hold back and act normal. But if there is one thing they are not normal about it is you.

For some of you, this person is already in a commitment. Either to another person, married to their work, or glued to their projects and all their efforts are set on a goal they are pursuing. You stand as a distraction, a detour off their path, but what they may not know or fail to understand is that straying sometimes yields experiences and tools to make the journey to the destination easier or better altogether. It is also tangible the monochromatic nature of their life. Their relationships feel stale and uninspiring, as though they are trudging through an endless swamp. This may have been the case for so long they had forgotten what it feels to be light on your feet. They feel a pep in their step when you're around, and it is making them question many things and choices that they have made thus far in life. They may even be considering a change in direction, leaving circumstances behind or cleaning their contacts and assignments to make room for new things. They are excited, albeit a little scared, of the possibilities that they invite by closing old chapters. They may be slow to do this, as they favour routine and comfort and are a little afraid of the unknown no matter how their heart beats for some adventure and new winds in their sails.

They are holding their cards very close, and may have built their walls higher as of late. If you are observant, you may notice the disconnection between what they are feeling and what they are saying and doing. It looks like they are ready to boil over but are keeping the lid closed with brute force to prevent anything from spilling. They have much to tell you, secrets to share, confessions to reveal. But they are taking their time. They may be fluctuating between a decision to come forward, and just letting it be and get over their messy thoughts and feelings. To simply wait this one out. Especially because sharing what is on their mind could really shake things up not just in their life, but yours. They want to help you, support your growth and make sure to walk alongside you and enjoy the time you share together, but their vision of the future has gotten blurry and uncertain. This unnerves them greatly. They are likely to come forward, though with great subtlety. Keep your eyes peeled, as they may be watching for a signal or a clue from you before they make a move. They are testing the waters but may need a push before they dive in.

Additional details: Dark hair and/or clothes, blue or tired eyes, rabbits, computer screens, coffee, swivel chairs, hiking, size difference, "are you cold?", virgo/leo/pisces/capricorn, 27/31/911/93/21, T/A/U/S/K, June/July/August, LOTR, video games, d&d, board games, travelling, circus, strength, health, green cargo pants, glasses, skulls, frown lines, very straight teeth, rare but genuine smile.

02.

Shufflemancy: August by Taylor Swift

This feels very familiar. For many, this is a friend or somebody you view with gentle affection. Even if you haven't known each other for long, it easily feels as though you have known each other your whole life, maybe even longer. For some, you may have met them online or there is a physical distance at present. For those of you in close proximity, there is some other kind of distance. Perhaps you or this person have been busy as of late, or closed off somehow. Especially if you normally talk to each other daily, something may have put the communication on pause, caused delays, or simply shortened the duration or depth of your conversations.

They have a lot of admiration and respect for you, and find you very endearing. They may frequently show this appreciation through words of affirmation, always ready to remind you of how highly they think of you. They may also get you little gifts and tokens of their love and care. Anything to put a smile on your face, especially if you have been stressed or upset. They are quite smitten with you, and you may already know this. You have surprised them somehow. For some of you, this person is used to being in charge and knowing what's best, being right and correcting others, but you seem to have put them in their place to some extent. You might be the first person in a long time, or ever, to switch it around and have them be the one learning and growing and changing because of somebody else's thoughts, guidance, advice, and knowledge. It does not even seem to bother them, because really it feels quite refreshing to follow instead of leading for a change. They admire your perseverance and your strength, and find your ability to strive like a dandelion growing through a crack in the concrete sincerely inspiring.

Either one of you may have recently gone through a break-up within a major relationship in your lives. Something has been lost, be it romantic, platonic, or familial. You may have been of great support and a source of hope and comfort for them during this phase of their life, or vice versa. Their eyes seem to have opened up to the reality of certain habits or cycles in their lives that have not helped them progress, but instead turned into a hamster wheel. If they were in a commited relationship, they may have realised that they have been taken for granted or their partner may have taken advantage of them to some capacity. For some, there may have been quite a bit of toxicity within whichever kind of relationship or situation that ended for either of you. They seem to have you on their mind 24/7. They enjoy talking to you, hearing about your day, listening to your rants, and wish to spend a lot of quality time with you. They may frequently imagine scenarios that have to do with the simple things. Grocery shopping or walking together aimlessly. Even the mundane feels light and airy and brand new when it is with you.

I'll be honest. This person may harbour very strong feelings for you. Funny thing is, though, that you may be very aware of this. For a few of you, this is a very welcome and exciting development in your friendship, but you wish to take things slowly and see what happens without forcing anything. Especially if they recently ended something long-term, and you wish to avoid being used as a bandaid on a broken heart and would rather walk alongside them as a friend while they heal from the past. To just support them in their next chapter and see if the feelings they have developed for you have a strong foundation or if they're fleeting and rose-coloured due to their past blues. For others of you, however, you may be a bit put off by this. You may sincerely doubt your compatibility as partners in anything beyond platonic.

Perhaps you once considered it. Wondered what the future would hold should you allow yourself to be swept away by their waves, but that likely was not long-lived and went no further than idle what-ifs. You value their friendship, and don't want to ruin it by changing the status and the nature of the connection. You may even get the ick from some of the things they say or do, count red flags and deal breakers in an attempt to stand firm in your decision to not give in. Some of you may even have a history of lowering your standards or jumping into things too quickly because of the rush and excitement of new beginnings, only to be left disappointed and regretful later. If this rings true for you, stand firm in your convictions and don't let anything make you feel like you owe anyone anything.

Additional details: Number sequences/angel numbers/mathematics, airplanes, tech, IT, travelling, languages, studying, music, guitars, mean girls, pet names, norse mythology, E/J/A/R/D/G, 7/6/85/35/29, February/March/July, minecraft, discord, online, princess, water, cancer/pisces/libra/aries, starbucks, dogs, "you are incredible", gifts, adopting interests/hobbies, control.

03.

Shufflemancy: Break my heart by Dua Lipa

You may or may not have noticed someone stealing glances or studying your face closely when you're not looking. This person admires you greatly. It likely began as something quite simple. At first you were a source of comfort and guidance. They may have come to you for advice or help with direction, uncertain of where to go and may have been depleted of their energy. They are likely around your age or a little bit younger, but they certainly have more of a youthful energy to them. It seems like their childlike wonder is a front to the many scars they hide from a horrific past. The easiest way for you to identify this person may just be by finding out who seems to have been caught up in a series of unfortunate events their whole life. It might surprise you how much pain they carry specifically because of their otherwise sunny disposition and bubbly, sweet, and fun character. They find home in your presence. It seems like they have always had to be the strong one, carrying the world upon their shoulders, but in your presence they can lower their walls and show the grief that they hide. Far from trauma dumping, they very carefully calculate what to share with you, and do so in a gentle way that communicates that their burdens are theirs and wish not for you to carry them on their behalf, but to simply see beyond the surface and understand their turmoil. There can even be a bit of a disconnect between head and heart here, wherein they have distanced themselves from their pain to cope. They may speak of their fears and challenges with a smile on their face, as though they are joking around and telling tales of someone else, not themselves. At first you may have had to do a double take, shocked by the juxtaposition of light and dark so tightly intertwined, but you seem to understand their suffering on a deep level and sympathise with them greatly. This person may find you quite magical. In their mind you are like an angel. They don't expect you to heal them or make all their problems go away, but instead are filled with gratitude for the solace your presence provides. They find it easier to get out of bed in the morning simply knowing that they exist in the same realm as you. You inspire them to help themselves and do away with what no longer serves them. Your kindness and care is not lost on them, and they cherish your every word. They look up to you, and in many ways you may have resparked their will to journey on. No longer do they wish to roll with the punches and let themselves be at the mercy of their circumstances and fight the same demons every day. Though they often feel hopeless and have the light in their eyes quickly dim when clouds roll in, you have planted seeds in them which will slowly but surely begin to sprout and help them grow stronger and reach for the light they so dearly desire.

For some of you they may have an equally positive effect on your life. Despite the dark clouds that hang over them, they are radiant and full of fun and love and care. They might feel to you like a gentle wind blowing through your hair, a cooling breeze on a hot summer's day. Their energy is as invigorating as it is inviting, and you may find yourself leaning outside your own comfort zone and daring to be bolder, speak your mind and take yourself less seriously. They are comfortable to be around. The two of you may also share a deep compassion and care towards your environment, be it your community, nature, or humanity overall. You are both nurturing and caring people, but differ in your approach. You may find that things which come easily to you are things they struggle with, and vice versa, and you naturally seem to benefit each other and strengthen each other's weaknesses. For some of you, this is a very pure form of admiration and an almost familial sense of security that they have with you. For others they may have leaned further into it and caught very real feelings for you. Regardless, this feels fated, and is potent with healing and growth for both of you. You are frequently on their mind, almost as though you never truly leave and merely move to the side when they need to focus on something else. They think the world of you. They want to do better and be better, not to impress you but to truly make you proud of them and feel like your efforts weren't in vain. They love your voice and their days are made much brighter by you, especially if you think the reverse is true and they are the ones letting the sun into your life.

Additional details: Cats, messy hair, braids, spiders, networking, green or hazel eyes, big or glossy eyes, loud music, expressive face, K/S/H/R/T/P, 67/93/6/9/5, cancer/gemini/aquarius/virgo/pisces, September/June/July/August, mental health issues, lgbt+, rock/indie music, cartoons, hands, nail polish, muted colours, air, vanilla, chips.

04.

Shufflemancy: Disappear by eli.

This one is a little different, and I wish to tread carefully. This may be a person very dear to you, or someone who treasures you dearly. For some of you, this person is no longer with us. They may have passed recently or perhaps you never had the chance to meet them, but their energy still lingers. Especially when you find yourself at your lowest. For others they are amongst the living, but are in separation from you somehow. Radio silence, cut contacts, abrupt endings, the years took you in different directions, or something was left unsaid and feels stuck now. This could be a family member, relative, an old friend, significant mentor or partner, from this life or beyond, however it resonates with you and your beliefs. You have been in their thoughts and prayers lately. Their heart aches when they see or feel you breaking, crumbling under the weight of all which has been placed upon your shoulders. It seems like so much, too much, for someone so dear to them to carry all on their own. In their eyes you are so strong. Able to withstand so much heartache and still keep going, one step at a time even when it gets dark and grim and the lights become so dim you don't see where you are going. It is as though you tell yourself you have to. Because what would it all have been for if you stopped? Many may rely on you and your strength, but you need to rest and you need something to lean on, too. This person wishes they could hold you and tell you that it will be okay. That it's okay to cry and scream, but to never give up. Even when the light seems to fade from your eyes that otherwise burn so bright with hope and drive, they want to encourage you to keep going. The world would become so dark without your light. They wish they could apologise for any wrongs done to you, by them, your near and dear, really, the whole world. They want to help nudge you to greener pastures and help you receive your due. When you are sad and scared and weary, they try to nourish your seeds and saplings because you deserve a good harvest. They wish for you to become more selfish. To take up more space and let demands of your time and energy fall on deaf ears. To restore a balance in the give and take and make sure you ask for what you need, and accept the love you so freely give to others.

For those of you for whom this person is amongst the living and simply at a distance, they frequently wonder how you are doing. They feel regretful for how they treated you or feel like they failed you somehow, and wish they could give you their sincrerest apology. Not to be forgiven and clear their conscience, but to tell you what they should have said and done before but never did, or did not do or say enough. They just want you to know that you are seen and that they are truly sorry. And for others, this person is around you and you are closely on their mind and in their heart. They grieve as you grieve and wish to make it all better. They know they cannot erase the past or undo your wounds, but hope to see you make it and get where you are going. To find those with hearts as pure as yours and finally feel like you belong. You deserve so much and even I am tearing up writing this. I am so sorry for what you have been through in this life. Please hang in there. Additional details: Lavender, floral scent and/or fabrics, champagne, piano, keys, freshly cut grass, clutter, photos, journals, doodles, biting your nails, sagittarius/scorpio/capricorn/gemini/taurus, 2/22/5/8/95/27/3, May/December/November/April, country roads, apples/fruit in general, freckles or birth marks, fog, woods, nightmares, dark night of the soul, difficulty breathing, comatose, midnight, deer and antlers.

05.

Shufflemancy: All the things she said by Poppy

This feels a little bittersweet. The person with you on their mind may have once been a dear friend of yours, a childhood friend or neighbour, someone who once walked alongside you through important times in your life. For some, this person drifted away from you naturally, for others there was a more decisive cut to the chord between the two of you. Either way, however, in both cases you were left bitter and sad and alone to lick your wounds. You may on occasion, whether you like to admit it or not, think back fondly to the good old days and the sweet moments that you shared. Your inside jokes and the dynamic between the two of you may be something you miss, but you're still firm in that whatever happened here, be it a fight that broke out or the lack of effort and time on their part letting you drift apart, you do not wish to repeat this cycle. Perhaps you wish them well now that you have healed, or will once you do, but your life may now look very different from when they were a part of it. This brings me to why you have been on their mind lately. It's possible that they have seen you, bumped into you or seen you from a distance, or you have been mentioned to them by somebody else who has caught you out in the wild. You may be unrecognisable to them in some way. Be it a glow up or a sudden shift in your life having made you step into an energy more authentic to you. People from your past, beyond bridges you have burnt, may speak of you in negative tones and gawk at who you have become. Likely because those bridges you burnt lit the way to a much brighter future for you. Regardless of how your life is going, the past may be embittered with envy for what you do and who you are now that you are free from their rigid expectations. This person is not quite as vindictive in their thinking, though they may nod along and agree with those around them. In their mind and heart they have a bit of admiration for you. You may have done things they wish they were brave enough to do themselves. Perhaps even in the past they admired your reluctance to stick to the status quo or how you, unlike their peers, had little concern for what others thought. It might just be that the box they have placed themselves within, or where they have been placed by others, has become uncomfortable and restricting rather than cozy and secure. Their peers may have a lot of expectations and demand a lot of their time and energy, whilst giving very little in return. Especially if they ever accused you of toxicity, they may have opened their eyes to how giving and supportive of their growth you actually were. Those they now surround themselves with seem to need them to bend to their will and grow a specific way and at a specific rate, lots of things to keep track of and always say and do the right and correct thing, whilst you now seem like such a forgiving, understanding, and patient energy that they are sorry that they lost. They may have come across old photos or tokens of your friendship, and quietly reminisced about the past and wondered how different life could have been had they stuck by your side. Looking at you now they may feel quite stunted, lacking the experience and feeling a little lost within themselves and their life. They're running through various stages of your friendship and pondering the right and wrongs of every hiccup, and finding fault in themselves. Finally, you may even scoff. Because in many ways you were abandoned by them, you may rejoice a little bit at the thought of them at last seeing where they did wrong or not enough.

For some of you, you could hear from them in the near future. Especially if they clean up their social circle and let go of harmful influences that they have let dictate their heart and mind. For others, you may hear from them, but not very soon. They may attempt to draw motivation from you at a distance to conjure up the courage to pave their own path forward. In doing so they will in many ways follow in your footsteps, and burn many bridges. You more than anyone know the vulnerability, fear, and pain associated with the destruction before rebuilding, and if they aren't as strong as you it will take some time before they find their footing. So, maybe find it in your heart to send them an energetic thumbs up for finally shaking things up and making their own way. This may eventually lead them to cross paths with you again, and you may reconnect and reminisce together. They will come with apologies, and you will find them truer than what they could have mustered before their transformation. You may not turn back time and become inseparable again, but it feels like things will become lighter and brighter in various areas of life for the both of you after your reunion.

Additional details: Soft hair, literature, neat handwriting, cosplay, masquerade, swords, cobblestone, crows or other birds, mom friend, hometown, I/J/P/F/C/N, 1/17/20/99/23, capricorn/sagittarius/scorpio/virgo/libra, January/November/October/December, backpacks, instagram, trains, puzzles, animal crossing, family holidays or events, muted colours.

06.

Shufflemancy: Sinner by Trevi Moran

Oh my. It seems like somebody has learned that their actions have consequences. This is somebody you probably blocked or simply stopped putting up with. They seem a little arrogant and not at all careful with their words. They entertain numerous people and enjoy the spotlight. There is a strong sense of entitlement and powerlust here. It feels a little icky to be in contact with, ngl. You may miss the sparks and the fun of this connection, but they really knew how to push all the wrong buttons while they were at it, didn't they? It seems like the good was so good but the bad was so bad it drove you up the wall. You may have frequently felt cornered, with your boundaries crossed, made to feel crazy and ridiculous even if they were the ones steering the train off the rails to begin with. I hope you have healed from this, because I assure you that your reactions cannot be compared to their actions. How you act when pushed has far more justifications than their act of pushing. Some of you may have needed to hear that. This person has done much to distract from your departure. Especially at first they may have lived under the assumption that it isn't permanent. That surely you will return. If you have a history of being on-and-off to any capacity, they relied on that to eventually bring you back. That dynamic itself made them reckless with their words and actions. They felt no need to take your feelings into consideration and assumed they could do whatever they please. There is an air of superiority to them, as though they think very highly of themselves, or look down on others. Your chemistry may have been phenomenal, but you saw through their bs and knew they are not as virtuous and good as they parade themself to be. You saw a hypocrite where others see a saint. They grew increasingly aware of your absence. They checked the time, counted days and compared your prior absences. Finally it hit them that this time you may truly never return. That you were really done this time and decided to outgrow them and move on. This has kept them awake some nights. They are very good at finding themselves things to do and socialising with a wide variety of people with various intentions, so it's not like you are stuck on their mind constantly. But when their thoughts land on you, it stings and burns and does it so hard and cuts so deep. It screws with their perception of themselves. They may know they are unlike who they portray themselves as, but it seems like a hard pill to swallow to truly admit that you no longer want anything to do with them. They miss you a lot. And it is a very selfish longing, too. They may hold on to hope that you will return once more, and disgustingly enough it seems this hope is weighed less in love for you and is heavier in the need to be right and get to say 'I told you so'. They may stalk you on social media, and for those of you who have made this impossible for them to do they often wonder what has come of you. They don't know how much you have grown and how much brighter the world seems when they are no longer there hanging over your head like a raincloud. They may assume you are stuck exactly where you were when you walked away, but you never stopped walking once you took off. Every day you are healing, decluttering your life and manifesting a better reality for yourself. And your intentions are so pure and good it would truly bother them that you are the saint they try to be. Their sainthood is a ruse, their altruism full of fine print and schemes and ulterior motives. Yours is a genuine path and title earned through a heart that bleeds for the weak and weary. The two of you are like night and day, and perhaps the clash between you had gorgeous sunsets, but it's darkest of all before the dawn and you no longer wish to be consumed by darkness and have chosen to walk in the light.

Additional details: Passports, sugar, alcholic beverages, social events, charity, real estate, formal wear, chess, strategy games, J/E/T/M/K/Y/A, 22/21/12/80/85/2/8, capricorn/aries/leo/cancer/gemini/aquarius, sharks, typhoons, spreadsheets, cash, coastal area, fish, religion, tan, the little prince.

#pac reading #energy reading #pick a card #intuitive reading #pick a pile #pick a card reading #tarot reading #pick a picture #love pac #soapy.post

821 notes · View notes

xcherryerim · 2 months

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Forgotten Bond(age)

- Sub!ClaptonDavis x HardDomGn!Reader -

“Keep making you kneel, keep making you bet all of you. The more you fall, dangerous. You know it, but your eyes still reflects me. Good boy, just one word, you shout.” — Beg For Me by Red Velvet

word count: 3.7k

SMUT ONE SHOT | MDNI | 18+ ONLY

Summary: At a freshman college party, you spot Clapton, the individual whom you used to torment in high school, who promptly initiates a search for you despite your efforts to evade an encounter. However, instead of seeking answers or explanations, he seems to desire something else, as he appears to seek out a more intimate and provocative connection, aiming to submit to your dominance.

While college life was enjoyable, it was also challenging and burdensome, with you meeting new people but also finding yourself submerged in a plethora of extra responsibilities that you had not encountered.

You knew you deserved a break, so, fortunately, there was a freshman party scheduled on that night. Even though you weren’t too fond of attending gatherings such as this one, you tried to have fun.

As you walked into the party, the atmosphere was electrifying. The music was roaring, and everyone seemed to be having a great time. Nervously, you scanned the crowd, half hoping and half fearing that you wouldn't run into anyone you knew from high school. You breathed a sigh of relief when you saw unfamiliar faces, allowing yourself to relax a little more and join the lively group of strangers.

A few drinks later, you felt slightly braver, conversing with various students who shared similar interests. Just as you thought you might be able to forget about your stressful past, the unexpected happened - you spotted Clapton Davis.

Your heart raced, and your stomach twisted into knots. You were stunned that he had attained college admission, and second, your relationship with him was awkward and tense. Yes, you had acted like a bully towards him in the past for some inexplicable reason. Despite your past behavior, you couldn't deny the allure of his charm and charisma. He possessed an undeniable magnetism that drew you near, even as you tried to push away those feelings of attraction.

While you prayed he would not notice your presence in the room, an immense feeling of panic and dread emerged within you. However, your horror intensified when you realized he had indeed noticed you. You made your way to a separate area of the house, hoping that he would not recognize you.

Despite your attempt to enjoy the mixer, your mind was overwhelmed with memories and thoughts of Clapton, depriving you of the ability to enjoy the party. The loud music and the plethora of individuals you once enjoyed are making you anxious by the minute.

You ran upstairs and entered a quiet bedroom. As you tried to collect your thoughts, you heard the door creak. Someone else entered the room. The darkness made it impossible to recognize who it was, but the mere scent confirmed it was indeed him. In the dimly lit bedroom, your heart pounded in your chest as you struggled to come to terms with the fact that Clapton had followed you.

“Clapton!” You blurted out a mix of shock and apprehension as you encountered him again in this enclosed area.

“Shh!” he whispered in a rushed manner, placing his finger on your lips in an authoritative gesture. “Tell me, what’s your deal?”

This wasn't how you imagined your reunion with him would play out, but here you were, trapped in a small room with the very person you wanted to avoid.

"My deal?" you echoed, trying to regain your composure. "I don't know what you mean."

His finger on your lip sent an electric current through you, and you couldn't help but feel a strange mix of fear and desire. This was not how you expected this evening to go. Clapton's gaze bore into you, daring you to defy him, to speak your truth.

"You know exactly what I mean," he retorted, his voice low and forceful. "You spent our entire high school years bullying me, and now you try to avoid me like I'm some sort of ex to you?" He emphasized his point by pressing his body against yours, bringing his face closer to yours, eyes locking in a heated stare.

You let out a sarcastic laugh, attempting to mask your anxiety and uncertainty with a carefree facade. "Forgive, forget, Clapton?" You said to him, trying to gauge his reaction. He seemed taken aback by your response, and for a brief moment, his harsh exterior cracked, revealing a glimpse of vulnerability.

But it was short-lived. His eyes flashed dangerously, and he retorted, "I don't forgive or forget easily," his tone growing soft yet menacing. "Besides, aren't we supposed to start fresh here in college?" He stepped back, arms crossed over his chiseled chest, his toned torso visible beneath his shirt. Your eyes involuntarily trailed over his muscular frame, noting the hidden strength and masculinity that lay beneath his calm demeanor.

His posture was confident and authoritative, leaving no doubt about his intent. You found yourself suddenly hyper-aware of the heat emanating from his body, the faint scent of his cologne, and the electricity that seemed to crackle between you two.

"So, how's life treating you, huh?" He asked casually, tilting his head slightly to the side as if genuinely curious about your well-being. "Did you miss anyone specific during the summer?"

You hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to respond. "You're asking like you want me to say you're the one I missed," you responded, trying to keep the conversation light and playful.

A smirk graced his lips, revealing a hint of white teeth against the lightly tanned skin that he gained over the summer. "Well, I wouldn't expect anything less from you." He chuckled softly, moving closer to you. "But you know what they say: 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder.' Maybe I missed you too."

His tone was light, almost teasing, but there was an underlying current of genuine curiosity. It was clear that he wanted to know how you felt about him, even though the situation between you was far from amicable. And despite everything, you couldn't ignore the spark of attraction that flickered in his eyes, seeming to defy all logic and reason.

"You missed me?" You raised your eyebrow, feigning disbelief.

"Maybe a little bit," he admitted, his voice dropping to a seductive whisper. "Or perhaps it's just the thrill of the chase."

He continued, running a hand through his hair, ruffling it slightly. “What do you say we start fresh? No more games, no more hiding. Just us, getting to know each other again.”

He paused, studying your reaction carefully. There was a challenge in his eyes, daring you to accept or reject the proposition. And despite everything, you couldn’t help but feel drawn into his boldness.

“If I were crazy, I would think you’re asking for something else, Clapton.”

“Oh, I’m not asking for anything crazy,” he replied, his voice dropping to a sultry timbre. “I just want to know if you missed me as much as I missed you.”

He moved, closing the remaining distance between you two, and his warm breath grazed your ear as he spoke. You could feel his heart racing, matching yours. He was undeniably aroused by this confrontation, and so were you.

“Now, are you going to tell me that you didn’t think about me once or twice?” he asked, his fingers gently tracing the curve of your waist. “Or maybe more than that?” There was a playful challenge in his tone, a promise of something more beneath the surface. His fingers dipped lower, sending shivers down your spine, and he leaned in, brushing his lips against your neck.

“Are you implying that I am the only one missing our little... interactions?” he murmured, his breath hot against your skin. His hand slid up again, caressing your jawline gently and turning your face towards him. “Or perhaps you’ve found someone new to degrade?” He smirked. “I would be jealous if you did.”

“Believe me when I say, Clapton,” you responded, trying to keep your voice steady. “No one compares to you.”

Your words hung in the air between you, heavy with implications. You couldn’t believe what you’d just said, but there it was—an admission of sorts—an acknowledgment of the intense chemistry that existed between you both.

“That’s more like it,” he murmured against your lips, his breath warm and inviting. “Maybe we can work out our differences, huh?” He trailed soft kisses along your jawline, his hands exploring your body with possessive intensity.

“But first,” he whispered, his breath hot against your ear, causing goosebumps to erupt across your skin. “Give me what I’ve been craving since that goddamn prom night.” With that, he got on his knees, looking at you with eyes full of devotion.

At that moment, you knew things were about to change. The tension between you and Clapton wasn’t just about the past anymore; it was evolving into something new—something electric and passionate.

“Slap me.” He blurted it out; his request made you still. “Slap me,” he repeated, his voice laced with desperation.

You hesitated for a split second, unsure of what to make of his unusual demand. But then, you steeled yourself and raised your hand, slapping him hard across the face. The sound echoed loudly in the quiet room, and the sting of your palm against his cheek left both of you breathless for a moment.

Clapton's eyes widened at first but then closed for a moment before slowly opening back up. A look of relief washed over his face as he reached up, touching the red mark that now adorned his perfect features.

“That’s better,” he growled, a devilish smile on his lips. His eyes glinted with a mixture of pain and pleasure, clearly enjoying your dominance. “You seem to love seeing me humiliated, don’t you?”

“Oh, just look at that,” you taunted, leaning down to whisper into his ear while slapping him lightly across his cheek. “You were just made to kneel, weren’t you?”

"Only for you," he murmured, his voice barely audible.

The power dynamic between you two had shifted dramatically, and you couldn't deny the rush of thrill that came with it. You felt a sense of control over him once again but it was mixed with guilt and confusion over your past actions.

“Get up,” you commanded, your voice firm and commanding. “Show me how good you are at submitting.”

Clapton obeyed without question, rising slowly from the floor. His eyes locked on yours, full of longing and submission. His erection strained against his pants. Seeing him like this, needy, was both exhilarating and terrifying but you couldn’t deny the adrenaline rush it gave you.

“Take off your clothes,” you ordered, barely able to contain your excitement. “Then get back on your knees.”

Without hesitation, he complied. His muscular form was revealed as he stripped off his clothing, leaving nothing but his skin and desire between you. Once he was fully nude, he returned to his previous position, waiting for your next order.

“Spread your legs,” you instructed, watching as he complied. His erect cock pointed skyward, dripping come onto the cold floor.

“Look at you.” you sneered, a cruel grin spreading across your face. “Trembling. Panting. It’s ridiculous.”

“Is that so?” he replied, giving you a foolish smile. “It’s just the reaction I get when you’re mean to me. I can’t help but like it.”

“Okay then,” You said, sitting on the bed as you looked at him. “Touch yourself.”

Clapton’s surprised chuckle met your command. “I mean, I could use a hand,” he quipped, attempting humor amidst the situation.

“You want me to touch you?” you questioned, raising an eyebrow. “Well, you’ll have to earn it.”

Without another word, he launched himself onto the bed, pinning you beneath him. His frame flexed as he removed your clothes, revealing your naked body to his eager gaze.

Clapton’s fingers glided across your throbbing between your legs, drawing gasps from your lips. The contrast of his rough skin against your heated flesh sent waves of pleasure coursing through your veins. Each touch was deliberate and calculated, designed to push you closer to the edge.

His fingers continued their sensual exploration, the touches carefully thought out yet wildly erotic. You felt his heart beating against your chest, mirroring the rhythm of your own.

“Is this what you wanted?” he asked, his voice filled with expectation. “Am I being a good boy?” he murmured close to your lips.

His enthusiasm was infectious, spurring on his actions. The tempo between your legs increased, each touch more urgent than the last. “Please, can I taste you? Can I be allowed to be masturbated by you? Can I be inside you if I’m good?”

His words hung in the air, a plea for your approval. “If you promise to do as I say, then yes.”

He nodded, his eyes shining with anticipation. “Yes, I’m your puppy; I’m your fuck toy. I’ll become anything you want. Just please, keep using me.” His words rang true, echoing his willingness to fulfill all your desires.

“Then, I suppose you know what I want now.”

Clapton understood perfectly. He leaned down, trailing soft, sensual kisses across your stomach until he reached your inner thigh. His lips lingered there for a moment, a tender gesture that belied his usual bravado.

The anticipation was almost unbearable, and you couldn’t help but bite your lip to stifle the growing moan. His warm breath brushed against where your thighs meet, causing involuntary squirms under his careful attention.

Finally, Clapton’s skilled tongue made contact, tracing delicate patterns. A sharp intake of breath escaped you as pleasure surged through your entire being. Your back arched involuntarily, every nerve ending ablaze with sensation.

His expert mouth worked magic on you. He seemed determined to give you the best experience possible, pouring all his passion and skill into his task, and it was working. You felt yourself nearing your peak, each lick bringing you closer to ecstasy. Your fingers dug into the sheets, nails biting into your palm as you tried to prolong the agonizingly sweet buildup.

When it came, your climax was intense, sending shockwaves throughout your body. An animalistic cry escaped your lips as you bucked against him, losing yourself in the sensation. Once it subsided, you found yourself limp and breathless.

You glanced at him, noticing his disheveled state. “Who gave you permission to come?” you snapped, anger seething in your voice.

He shrugged nonchalantly. “Hey, I can’t help if you’re moaning my name,” he declared, his tone surprisingly calm.

“That doesn’t matter!” you retorted, slapping him lightly across the face. His resulting moan only served to infuriate you further. Turning away from him, you searched for something—anything—to regain control.

Your gaze landed on a nearby wardrobe, and you headed towards it, pulling out a leather belts. Returning to the bed, you straddled him, your weight causing him to groan in pleasure. Ignoring his reaction, you grabbed his wrists firmly, securing them with the belt to opposite corners of the bed. The restraints were tight, ensuring he wouldn’t escape without your permission.

“Bondage?” He asked with a grin.

Looking down at him, bound and vulnerable, you felt a rush of power. This was where you belonged—in absolute control. You leaned closer, whispering menacingly, “Next time, ask for permission.”

His eyes widened, reflecting both surprise and...was that excitement? He enjoyed your sudden turn of events. If he wanted more of this dominant side of you, however, he would need to provoke you further.

“And if I don’t?” he asked teasingly, challenging you.

“Then you won’t get what you want,” you warned him, your voice low and dangerous. “Remember who’s in charge here.”

His grin never faded, though. “Oh, I think I’ve already gotten what I wanted,” he countered, glancing down at your body. “Maybe it’s time for round two?”

A slow smile. spread across your face. He wasn’t afraid of you, not really. Instead, he thrived under your dominance. Perhaps, in this twisted way, he was enjoying himself.

“I don’t think you deserve another round, Clapton,” you stated, trying to maintain your authority.

His response caught you off-guard. “But isn’t it fun hearing me moan for you, Master?” he purred, a sly grin spreading across his face.

Hearing him call you ‘Master’ sent a thrill down your spine—an unexpected pleasure. Was it worth risking your control again just for that sound?

“Fine. I’ll play your game under my rules,” you stated, quelling the wave of pleasure that surged through you at his words.

Following suit, you spit into his cock, generously spreading your saliva on his hardening lenght. Each stroke of your hand caused him to cry out in mixed pain and pleasure, his hips buckling against yours in response.

“Slo—slow down!” he begged, his leg movements becoming increasingly frantic.

“I’m touching you; isn’t this what you wanted?” You asked coolly, maintaining eye contact.

He groaned, unable to deny the truth in your question. “Yes,” he managed to choke out between ragged breaths.

“Good boy,” you praised, continuing your work. Your hand moved faster, stroking him in sync with your heartbeat. The sensation was almost too much for you to handle, but you pushed through it, focusing solely on driving Clapton to the edge of sanity.

“And you better come when I tell you to,” you stated decisively, increasing the speed of your strokes. Tears of both pain and pleasure trailed down his face, evidence of his mounting arousal.

Clapton’s breathing hitched, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Every movement he made was dictated by the pleasure you provided, and every gasp was directed toward you. It was heady, intoxicating power, and you reveled in it.

“Please, please let me come!” Clapton cried out, his eyes filled with pleading. His body writhed under your skilled touch, in direct contrast to his words.

Instead of yielding to his request, you increased and lowered the pressure simultaneously, driving him to new levels of ecstasy and desperation. His cries grew louder, and his face flushed with exertion and frustration.

“Fuck you!” he screamed, losing his patience. His hands trying to pull away the belts that were stopping his hands from any movements. It was then that you slapped him again, a sharp sting against his cheek.

“Fuck, I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it!” He stammered, clearly caught off guard by his reaction.

You raised an eyebrow, smirking coldly. “You’re ‘sorry’? If you weren’t so useless, you’d spend less time begging for forgiveness.”

It was meant to hurt, but there was also a hint of amusement behind your words. You found enjoyment in pushing him and watching him struggle to find a balance between submission and defiance.

His face flushed deeper, but he stayed silent, accepting your judgment.

“I’m your useless fuck toy, aren’t I?” He asked, his voice tinged with light amusement. Despite his words, there was an undeniable resignation in his tone.

You considered his statement, finding it oddly pleasing. He recognized your power over him, yet he still engaged willingly. With a small smile, you replied, “Yes, you are.” There was affection in your words, hidden beneath the veneer of dominance.

He returned the smile, tilting his head playfully. “Your only fuck toy?” he questioned.

Your heart skipped a beat at his words. Was this what you wanted? To be the only person he submitted to? Or was this just another game, another illusion of control?

“For now,” you hedged, unsure of your feelings.

He sat up, gazing at you thoughtfully. “For now, huh?” He grinned, leaning in to steal a quick kiss. “Interesting.”

You chuckled, returning to a perfect rhythm. Unlike before, it was neither too slow nor too hard, which earned you grateful looks from Clapton. His body began to relax, riding the waves of pleasure you created. His breaths synchronized with your movements, creating a hypnotic pattern.

As you continue, you couldn’t help but wonder where this was leading. There seemed to be genuine emotion behind his words, a vulnerability you hadn’t expected. Perhaps there was more to this relationship than control and submission.

Suddenly, he stiffened beneath your hand, signaling his impending release. You slowed down, waiting for the right moment. “Come now, Clapton,” you whispered, your voice velvety soft.

An exhilarating burst echoed through the room as he did exactly as you commanded. His muscles tensed, his eyes rolling back in pure bliss. As he lay there, catching his breath, you felt a rare sense of satisfaction wash over you.

Clapton abruptly kissed you, his lips pressing against yours hungrily. You returned the kiss, savoring the taste of him. In that brief moment, everything seemed possible. Could this become more than a game? Could you both find a real connection beneath your kinks and desires?

As you broke the kiss, your hearts raced in sync. Your faces were flushed, sweaty, and breathless. Clearing your throat, you untied him from the bed, and then you stepped back, trying to regain some semblance of composure. “Get dressed,” you managed to croak out.

He nodded, his eyes never leaving yours. “Sure thing, Master.” He replied playfully.

Both of you got dressed, and the air between you was thick with unspoken tension. Finally, you were both dressed and ready to leave. As you reached for the doorknob, he grabbed your wrist, stopping you mid-step.

“I was thinking maybe we could go to my dorm.” He stuttered, his face flushed with embarrassment. “I found this underrated band yesterday, and I wanted to listen to their discography. You could join me if you want to.”

Surprised but intrigued, you paused, considering his proposal. “Alright, lead the way,” you finally agreed, as he released your wrist. “But remember, this is purely platonic,” you added with a wink.

“Yeah?” he chuckled. “Platonic, huh? Yeah, because what we just did was purely platonic,” he retorted sarcastically.

You chuckled, acknowledging the truth in his words. “It was!” you teased back.

“Yeah, yeah, sure thing,” he muttered, stealing a quick kiss before ushering you out of the room.

Walking through the party crowd together, he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, pulling you close. His warmth enveloped you, and for a moment, everything else faded away. Whether this relationship would remain strictly physical or develop into something more, one thing was certain: you enjoyed each other's company.

Despite the chaos surrounding you, there was a serene calm within the two of you. His hand rested gently on your hip, grounding you in the moment as you navigated the sea of people. Every step you took, and every laugh you shared, brought you closer to each other, bridging the gap between your past and present.

Fin. Thank you so much for reading! Sorry if this is mid <\3 I have family over and school is stressing me out.

If you only want to see my smut writing consider following my side blog @xxxcherryerim where I reblog my work!

tag list: @lile6969 @sun-spider13 (i forgot who else asked like a week ago lmao)

#clapton davis x you #clapton davis x gn!reader #clapton davis x reader #clapton davis smut #clapton x reader #clapton davis #mike schmidt #mike schmidt x you #mike schimdt smut #derek danforth smut #josh futturman smut

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white-wolf-buckaroo · 4 months

Text

In his own twisted way: Prologue

So here it is! First part of my new daughter of Ares fic! I hope you love it as much as I do <3

Word count: 2100 ish words

Warnings: mention of character death

Fic masterlist here!

Ares hated children.

He hated their whining, their crying, their clinging. He didn’t care for the drawings they did, or their “cuteness” or their wonder for everything new around them, and he hated when they cried like babies because of a scrape on their knee, or when they had nightmares and wanted to be held.

He didn’t like them, not even his own.

He hated how they reminded him of his own weaknesses. He hated how they made him feel something other than anger, something he couldn't name.

But he couldn't hate her. Not entirely. Not when she looked at him with those big eyes, so much like her mother's, and a grin every time she saw him at her doorstep. Not when she smiled at him with that gap-toothed grin, so innocent and trusting, a polar opposite as to how everyone else looked at him. Not when she held his hand with her tiny fingers, so warm and soft, completely trusting him to lead the way.

She was his youngest daughter. Her name was Emily, and just as his other children, he hoped she would grow up to be a troublemaker, a rebel, and a fighter. Someone like him. He had hoped she would make him proud, or, maybe more fitting for him, at least amused. Useful for his battles.

And at barely six years old, she was a true daughter of Ares: she loved adventures, exploring the wild, she didn’t mind getting messy or dirty, and she stood up to whoever opposed to her. However, she was also gentle, kind, curious. She loved nature, and stories, and the stars, and learning. Her little soul was still pure… something Ares bewondered, even if he wouldn’t admit it to himself.

But she was a mistake. A mistake he had made with a mortal woman, which he had tried to ignore, and he almost succeeded at it; he had visited her very few times, enough for her to know who he was, but not sufficient for him to get attached.

Until the day he found out she was dead.

Her mother, not the girl. The woman he had once loved… or, more like, had had a relationship with, was dead. The woman who had birthed and raised their daughter alone, without his help, without his care. She was now gone, leaving their daughter orphaned, alone, and unprotected.

Ares had been fond of her. He hadn’t loved her, no, not really, or at least, not in the romantical way. She had been someone he shared interests with, with whom he formed a connection with, and as a result of that, came Emily. As an immortal being, he was more than accustomed to death (it kind of came in the job description for being the god of war), and especially the death of mortals; their lives were brief, like the blink of an eye, and it rarely affected him anymore, if ever.

But Emily was alone now, without any family left, and even if he was the god of war, and all the brutality and horrors that came with it, he wasn’t exempt of having feelings (on the contrary of what he said about himself). They were the reasons why he found new lovers from time to time, and had children with them every once in a while.

Even the god of war longs for some sort of connection and human emotion.

So he had no choice. He couldn’t have Emily live with him, for obvious reasons, and he also didn’t want that. No, he’d take her to the only place where she would be safe from the monsters that would end up eventually finding her: camp Half-Blood. The camp for demigods, where his other children were. The children he hated, and who hated him back.

He was sure Emily would end up hating him as well. They all did… it was only a matter of time.

So there he was, driving a car towards Long Island, with little Emily sleeping in the backseat, her head leaning against her teddy bear, breaths even and rhythmic. He tried to not pay attention to her wet cheeks, still glistening with tears shed for her mother, or how she had raised her arms up at him upon seeing him when he picked her up, wanting to be comforted by her father; Ares tried to not think about how much she trusted him, with his rough exterior, and without really knowing him, and most importantly, he tried to not think much about how moved it made him feel.

The car stopped in the middle of the road, not too far away from the entrance to camp, hidden in the heart of the forest. Ares reluctantly turned off the engine, and silence followed, only broken by Emily’s breathing, and the faint sound of morning rain falling on the roof of the car.

Ares took a deep breath, pushing back the conflicting emotions that surged within him.

He didn’t know why he was feeling like this. It made him extremely uncomfortable in his own skin, and that was something he didn’t experience often. Perhaps Aphrodite had played some trick on him… making him actually feel something at the prospect of leaving his young daughter all alone at camp half-blood. Something like… dread, and pain, and not the one he was used to. This was pain that came from other feelings he had, that usually blossomed in his chest the few times he visited Emily, or when he looked at her from the rearview inside that car, watching her sleep soundly.

But he didn’t know how to do it. He didn’t know how to be a father, he’d never really had good role models to learn from. He didn’t know how to comfort children, talk to them… or hell, love them. And he didn’t want to even try to… because that wasn’t like him. He hated children. Why even care about his own? He was an Olympian, and Olympians didn’t do that.

When the rain stopped, Ares stepped out of the car, and went to the backseat; Emily only stirred in her sleep when he fumbled with the seatbelt, the unfamiliar task more challenging than he’d like to admit, and she kept on sleeping when he took her into his arms out of the car.

She had with her only her teddy and a small backpack filled with her essentials; Ares hadn’t grabbed more of her stuff when retrieving her.

On top of the hill, where the whole expanse of Camp Half-Blood could be seen for those who had divine heritage, Ares stood, listening: it was very early in the morning, the sun hadn’t risen yet, and the few people at camp were still sleeping; in a few weeks, most of the cabins would be full of demigod children, running around, training, and relishing in the beginning of summer. Emily would have settled until then, and she’d be ready to begin her training alongside her half-siblings to become a warrior, just as every Ares kid did.

His daughter woke up before sunrise, while he was still standing at the same spot. She mumbled something, her little eyes fluttering open, cheeks warm against the skin of his neck. She clutched her bear tighter, tired.

“Daddy?”

Ares hummed, not used to a small child talking to him in such tender voice. Like everything involving Emily, it made him feel that unfamiliar warmth he was uncomfortable with… but that he longed for when he didn’t have it, missing it.

Emily raised her head, slowly starting to look around, and at Camp Half-Blood. Her new home.

“This is where you’ll be staying from now on” he said, watching her. Her little eyebrows frowned, and then she looked at him, directly in the eyes.

“With you?”

“With people like you” he clarified, making sure she understood it “Demigods. Half-bloods. Remember what I taught you about the gods?”

“You are one. It’s your job”

She didn’t really get it, that was obvious. But she was still very young, and he didn’t really expect her to do so. Compared to him… well, his life had been already so long, that her presence in it was like a single grain of sand in the beach: small and imperceptible.

And yet, she was the only one of his children he had brought to camp himself. The only one who he had stayed around enough time for her to call him daddy to his face. The only, and first one, for many things.

At sunrise, a centaur emerged from the big house at camp, and noticed pretty quickly the silhouette of the god on top of the hill, and the small child in his arms.

Ares watched Chiron make his way slowly up to them, and he set then Emily down to the ground, helping her put her backpack on (which looked comically enormous on her little form); she grabbed his hand when she spotted the centaur, tiny fingers clutching his own, nervous. He couldn’t really blame her: she was facing many changes in a very short period of time.

“Ares” greeted Chiron, reaching them. The god acknowledged him with a nod, watching the centaur shift his gaze from him to the little girl by his side, trying to hide behind his leather coat “Hello there, young lady” Emily shyly waved back at him, and introduced herself after Chiron did “I assume… she is yours?”

“My flesh and blood” answered Ares “She will be staying at camp from now on, permanently”

Chiron nodded, and stretched out a hand for her; Emily, encouraged by a nod from her father when she looked up at him, went to the centaur, still uncertain.

“She will be taken care of here”

“I sure hope so”

Chiron looked down at Emily again, smiling at her, trying to ease up her nerves.

“Let’s go to your cabin then, young lady”

He gently guided her to the pathway that led to camp, Ares still standing there, watching them go. But Emily turned back around before leaving, searching for his eyes.

“Daddy?” she asked, with the same small voice from minutes before when she woke up “Aren’t you coming with us?”

He wouldn’t. He knew it from the beginning, of course, and Chiron also knew it. The pain in his chest, however, was unknown.

Ares told her no, and he bit the inside of his cheek when he saw sadness invading her gaze. She ran up to him, raising her arms up again, reaching for him with tears in her eyes. She was all alone, and he was abandoning her as well.

Chiron looked away, his heart breaking silently for the young demigod, while Ares stood there, conflicted by his feelings (those damn feelings he couldn’t handle).

“Listen kid” Emily still had her arms raised up, not budging, and he gave in, picking her up “You’re gonna stay here, you like it or not. Don’t go soft on me now”

Emily pouted at her dad, sniffling.

“But I want to stay with you”

“Yeah, but you can’t. You’ll stay here. That’s final”

She made a mad face at him (which made her look more like an angry kitten in his eyes, actually cute, but he wouldn’t admit that), frowning.

“You’re a meanie, Daddy”

There it was. She was starting to hate him too. Yep… All of them did.

“Sorry to break it to you, kid, but life isn’t fair”

He set her down, but she didn’t move, instead looking up at him with her big eyes. She looked like him, he noticed then, very much so in her way of staring at his face: she was fierce, but also vulnerable.

“Will you come visit me?”

Ares sighed, waving his hand as if to shrug it off.

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Maybe sometimes. Now go”

Emily sighed, mirroring him perfectly, and obeyed, going back to the centaur. She did look back at him one time before leaving, though, waving at him.

“Bye Daddy. Love you”

Ares felt that uncomfortable pressure in his chest as a response to her words, feeling like his insides tightened, constricted, twisted and turned all over. He watched her go in silence down the hill alongside Chiron, and he dared to take one last look at her before leaving for good, having completed his self-imposed task of taking his daughter to camp.

“Goodbye, little warrior”

Tough exterior be damned, Ares cared for his daughter.

In the quiet of the moment, where no one was watching him, being completely alone, he allowed himself to hope: He hoped she would be happy. He hoped she would be safe. He hoped she would forgive him for leaving her there.

And he also hoped he would someday be able to forgive himself for doing so too.

***

Taglist: @strawberryys-stuff @ladysybilchronicles

#percy pjo #percy jackson fanfiction #daughter of ares #ares #percy jackson #ares x reader #ares god of war #adam copeland #walker scobell #leah sava jeffries #annabeth chase #aryan simhadri #grover underwood #clarisse la rue #dior goodjohn #charlie bushnell #luke castellan #percy series

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fangswbenefits · 5 months

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getting this off my chest

I really, really love writing for this fandom.

I think I haven't felt like this in years.

Astarion is such an enticing vessel for my creativity and has rekindled my joy for writing and putting it out there.

Alas, imposter syndrome really gnaws at my nerves more often than I care to admit.

"But Ruby, you have so many people who like your work. Why do you doubt yourself?"

Because I grew up being told I was never enough. That I was the worst at what I did best, which back then was learning English and surrounding myself in the language, hence why I sought comfort in fanfiction.

My sister, whom I love dearly, is an English teacher. She would be so harsh on me, and I know she meant well. She really did. But it was so hard back then. I would come to her with creative writing in English and she would just roll her eyes and tell me I wasn't good enough.

Nowadays, she acknowledges that I am more proficient than her and more at ease with the language, and even tells my nephew to study English with me instead.

But back then, I needed someone to believe I could do better.

So, there is a part of me that is proud that I am able to deal with real-life fatigue by writing and finding enjoyment in this hobby. But a much darker part of me tells me I'm not worthy and that I simply got lucky.

The Arrangement means a lot to me. I tend to dive right into fandoms and start writing for the character that caught my eye.

But I couldn't do that for Astarion... I am still unsure why. For those of you who have been here from my Miguel O'Hara days or when I first started posting about Astarion, you'll know The Arrangement was the first thing I ever posted for him.

Took me 2 weeks to get the first chapter out because I kept thinking I couldn't find a voice for Astarion. One that felt like him. After all, I'm always a step behind because I am not a native speaker. There will always be that looming feeling that I can't convey this story properly.

Even if you now know me for my Astarion smut, that wasn't even the driving force of my love for him.

It took me 2 months to feel comfortable writing smut for him. Why? I don't even know.

But The Arrangement feels different.

I love writing it and I love taking my liberties with the plot.

It's my opportunity to fully showcase my love for him.

I know not everyone likes it. I know some of you have dropped it. Some of you will drop it. But some will walk along this path with me, and I can't stress enough how your feedback and love help keep these negative thoughts at bay.

It's an internal work, though. It is not your job to validate my writing skills. This is not what puts food on my table. I am not looking to be published. I am looking for an escape. And it's so frustrating when my mind tries to rob me of joy even when it comes to a hobby.

"If this is a hobby why does it matter what others think or if they like what you write? Just have fun. Write for yourself."

And I do write for myself, but I share my work because I am hopeful my words can make someone's day. I seek that connection I never had growing up. Perhaps it sounds silly, but it's what makes the most sense in my head.

The Arrangement should be my pride and joy even if not perfect (nothing ever is, I suppose). And I'm exhausted of not feeling proud of it. I'm tired of this vicious cycle of self-doubt.

Don't get me wrong. I love writing smut. I think that's what I'm best at (well, in my opinion). I love exploring Astarion this way, too, but...

I don't know where I'm going with this... if anyone has made it this far, thank you, and sorry for the word vomit...

#ruby rambles ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

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hillbillyoracle · 8 months

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How to Have Better Conversations

I’m writing this at the request of my partner. She shared she’s really been struggling with making conversation more than usual lately. I shared some thoughts on how I navigate conversations she found useful and asked if I’d be willing to make a resource or write more about it. This is not meant to be a definitive expert guide, it’s built from my observations and experiences as someone who is autistic and has to navigate a lot of social situations completely manually. This is how I break down the individual components of conversation.

When I spelled this all out, one of her takeaways was that conversations actually involve a lot of microdecisions and that’s why they can be so tiring. And I think that’s totally correct. But I think it’s also why some people can thrive with them because it’s actually a lot of difficult decisions that are tricky to pull off well so when you can and do, there’s a real sense of accomplishment that can make talking more appealing.

I have a feeling this post will be overcomplicated and convoluted to a lot of folks but maybe there’s a handful of folks for whom it is helpful. Take what works, leave the rest. Summary at the end.

Types of Conversation

Topics of conversation are decently important in my experience. They ultimately let you know where the conversation will go - whether it’s likely to end in a dead end, what sorts of things it will allow you to learn about the person you’re discussing with. In my experience, just about all conversation topics fall into one of four camps.

While I talk about Best Use and Don’t Use here - most conversation in the following topics will fall somewhere in-between. They’re just sign posts, not rules.

The focus is on you. Me topics are ultimately about telling a story about yourself with some amount of conscious intent.

Best Use

The best use of this is setting expectations and conveying preferences. This allows your talking about yourself to serve a purpose that ultimately assists the other person in knowing how to understand and interact with you best without necessarily demanding certain treatment front. They might change or not change how they interact with you and this can show how responsive you might expect them to be.

Examples:

“I’m a writer so I don’t work 9-5. If I reply at odd times, that’s probably what’s going on.”

“One of my favorite ways to get to know someone is to grab a hot drink and go for a walk with them.”

Don’t Use

The worst use of this is look a certain way - knowledgeable, impressive, interesting. Basically any use rooted in getting another person to like you. Genuine connection doesn’t start from a place of elevating one person over another. Plus honestly 90% of people just do not care about why you think you’re interesting, important, etc and hate feeling pressured to validate you.

Examples:

“My boss was even stumped by the issue but I figured it out on my own.”

“All my friends say I’m the best at baking.”

“I keep a bunch of tools in my car, I’m ready to fix anything anywhere.”

You

The focus is on the other person. You topics are ultimately about letting the other person share the story of themselves.

Best Use

The best use of You topics is to better understand how a person understands themselves. Open ended questions that invite them to show their thinking as well and shows you how they reason. The common acronym FORD (family, occupation/occupy time, recreation, dreams) is a decent

Example:

“So how did you find yourself in this city? What was that journey like?”

“Why did you take up [your hobby]? What drew you to it?”

Don’t Use

Don’t use you topics to actively try to find fault with someone else. It’s great to have standards and hard no’s for your friendships and relationships. But poking around for them upfront can alienate people who you’d otherwise like - suspicion is not a desirable quality in a friend or potential partner. Ultimately you have to let a person show you who they are and make a personal call. There’s no short cut.

Example:

“So why did you and your ex break up?”

“So you get angry easily then?”

Both

The focus is on a shared expertise/language, not on the story of either of you.

Best Use

The best use of both topics is to notice things about them they wouldn’t think to explicitly share necessarily and to connect in a way that only people with your shared interest or expertise allows.

Example:

My partner and I both have a background in academic medical research. However when we talk about it, it becomes apparent that my focus is on the practical and researcher side and hers is on the data and compliance side. It’s interesting to note where our similar interests compliment and diverge.

Don’t Use

Don’t use both topics to try one up or show you know more than the other person. The minute you do that the shared aspect - and therefore connection - is gone.

Example:

I once went on a date with a man who spent a half hour explaining how GIS systems work in a very “look at me” way after I mentioned I had used them when I was studying forestry in college. It was boring as hell.

Neither

The focus is on a topic without a shared expertise/language, not on the story of either of you.

Best Use

The best use of neither topics is a shared exploration/experience. One person will usually know a little more about a topic than the other person. The person who knows less benefits by learning about a topic they’re curious about. Their questions and observations invite the other to think about this topic in a new light so the experience winds up being somewhat shared.

Examples:

A woman in line at Lowes let me know I could overwinter mums in this area. I proceeded to ask her about how she’d taken such good care of hers and whether the effortwas worth it. She thoughtfully answered my questions and I learned a lot.

I mentioned to my partner a personal project I’m considering undertaking. She asks about my motivations for it and in doing so I have to further clarify them. She learned a little about what my project was about and I learned what I was really after, seeing it fresh.

Don’t Use

Don’t use neither topics to soapbox about things that are of solely personal interest. If someone makes it clear they’re not interested pivot to something more interesting. Even neither topics require at least a little bit of common ground.

Examples:

I regularly talk about group hypocrisies I’m trying to make sense of before realizing that people outside of that group don’t really care.

Ideal Ratio

In general, in reflecting on my own conversations, I think a ratio where more than half the conversation is on either both or neither topics are the most rewarding. It’s where neither party walks away feeling like they talked too much about themselves and when meaningful and interesting topics still have been discussed.

I think it’s a common mistake to try to get the conversation to be 50% you, 50% me. That’s where conversations feel like a job interview and get exhausting real quick. They also have an appearance of depth as people disclose more to keep the conversation going but with out a feeling of connection after because little time is spent on exploration and shared experience.

How to Respond

So knowing what topic you’re currently or want to talk about is one part of this, but the other is choosing a response. I generally let the other person’s response dictate some measure of my response.

Pivot

If someone seems negatively engaged - leaning back, looking around a lot, arms crossed, giving short answers - I pivot to a neutral topic. I find neutral topics work best because the focus is not on either of you - they don’t feel like they’re under pressure to disclose or act interested in you. Neutral topics also allow them to lead the pace - asking questions and making observations at the level they feel comfortable. If they continually seem negatively engaged, it’s usually best to bail from the conversation, especially if asking questions about the dynamic itself seems like it might not be welcome.

Matching

If someone seems neutrally engaged - mostly looking in your direction, not leaning toward or away, giving input on what you’re saying - I match and continue with the topic.

FOOL

Being a little like the Fool in the Major Arcana is actually a great way to be a good conversationalist - genuine, curious, brave, and receptive. Bellow are some concrete ways how.

Follow up questions - Good follow up questions come from a genuine place of curiousity. They also tend to either fill in gaps in your own understanding or encourage the speaker expand the discussion into a new but related area.

Observation - Observations on the topic itself are great but not your only option. You can oberve how a person seemed to feel when talking about the topic. You can observe that they’d touched on a related topic before. Comparison is a fruitful ground for observations as well - “That’s similar to…” and ”That’s very different than….”

Opinion - Offering an opinion or requesting their opinion is a good way to keep a conversation going. In general, it’s best to avoid generalizations, soften them a little to start with, and make sure there is some measure of compassion in the opinion you’re sharing. Rigidity leaves little room for discussion and exploration.

Levity - Where appropriate, make a joke, share a meme, craft a pun, tease them a little. Laughter is a shared experience that connects us.

Building

If someone seems positively engaged - leaning forward, making eye contact, coming closer to you for neurotypical people and actively engaging with the content of what you’re saying regardless of stims or eye contact for neurodivergent folks - I build on what we’re talking about. I self disclose my feelings and personal connections to the topic one step further than what the person I’m talking with has.

It’s important not to disclose a lot more than the person you’re talking with has. It leads to a vulnerability hangover for you and can be quite awkward and uncomfortable for them. If you disclose just a little more than the person you’re chatting with, then it’s much more easy to recover and match their level if they seem uncomfortable with what you shared.

Decision Tree

“What topic are we talking about currently?”

Me - Set expectations, share preferences; you focused

You - Understand you as you understand yourself; other person focused

Both - Connect over a shared language; idea focused

Neither - Connect over a shared exploration; idea focused

“What cues am I getting from the other person?”

If positive, build on current topic - be vulnerable

If neutral, match on current topic - be a FOOL*

If negative, pivot to a different topic - preferably neutral or in ratio**

*FOOL

Follow up questions - genuine curiousity - “I wonder…”

Observe - conversation, feelings, topic - “I noticed…”

Opinion - cautious, concise, compassionate - “I’ve often thought…”

Levity - make jokes, share memes - laughter connects

**Ratio

51% Both/Neither

<49% Me/You

#social anxiety #social skills #conversation #how to #life hacks #I have a feeling this might not be useful #to anyone but me #but just in case #here it is

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loveemagicpeace · 10 months

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♥️Jupiter & Venus♥️

♥️Jupiter( tells you what type of housband do you want) Venus ( tells you what type of wife do you want). It also represents what kind of husband/wife you will have. Therefore, even when looking at a wedding/marriage, you have to look at the 9th house in addition to the 7th house.

🩷Jupiter in Aquarius in 1st house-someone who will be unique, will have his own opinion, will not follow others and will have his own vibe. Someone who will value you as a person and your appearance (also he will look beautiful). Someone who will be like you or similar to you. Everything you have in the first house is always some connection with you. Your husband can be active or play sports. Someone with whom you will share the same dreams. Your husband will support you in everything you set out to do.

🦋Jupiter in 2nd house-someone who will value you, have the same values as you. Someone who will love to enjoy life. Even the person with whom you will enjoy food, material things, share the same values. Someone who will be stable and with whom you will feel safe.

🐚Jupiter in 3rd house-someone who is communicative and has several hobbies or ideas. Maybe also someone who has multiple personalities and likes to multitask. Someone who values mental stimulation. Someone who will love to do more things with you and will always find something new. He may also like to go on trips.

🪴Jupiter in 4th house-someone who is compassionate, caring, gentle and emotional. A family man who likes family and privacy. Someone who likes comfort. A person who can also be capricious. In this case, it could also be someone who already has a family or someone who places great importance on family and things related to them.

🎨Jupiter in 5th house-someone who likes to do many things, have fun. Maybe someone who has teenage energy. It can also be a person from your childhood or someone you know from before. Jupiter in the 5th house gives you good and understanding married partners, which will support you in every phase. Your husband will be proud and strong.

🛼Venus in 6th house -you will have a wife who will be caring, hardworking and have her own routine. As per married life predictions, they have a positive side to them that gives all the luxuries and comfortable life to their spouses, but the negative side is that they can't form an emotional bond with them.

🩷Venus in 7th house-you will have a wife who will be feminine, kind, beautiful. Venus here is a very good relationship and marriage here is very beautiful. with Venus in the 7th house who have had a love marriage may experience a very healthy and joyful life. Your wife will have a lot of charm and attraction.

🍀Venus in 8th house-you can have a wife who is very intense, jealous or possessive. Maybe a wife who will want to control you and keep you under control. But also the spouses will be attractive and charming. They will have an outstanding personality which will help natives in bonding emotionally with them. Someone who will love you deeply and give you all the love. On the positive side they will be extremely loyal, passionate.

🌙Venus in 9th house-your wife will be adventurous, lively, optimistic and full of life. A person who is full of energy. Wife will be extremely romantic, and a lover of beauty. She is a psychic by nature. Your wife can have a love to philosophy, religion, and music. Your wife will be the one with whom you will travel and explore a lot. Your wife will be the one to push you out of your comfort zone.

🪁Venus in 10th house- They are most likely to marry their love partners and have a faithful life with them. These natives will make a noble life with their partners with emotional and mental bonds. As per married life predictions, there won’t be anything major to worry about in their life, they just want to spend more time together which they will lack because of responsibilities. Your wife will be independent and may have her own business or be a public figure.

🫀Venus in 11th house- your wife will be different from the others. She will stand out from everyone you have ever met. Just when you thought it was impossible to find someone as different as her - you will. Your wife will be special and will have her own charm, energy and special beauty. You will share dreams, goals and many things with her. Your wife will be untouchable but touchable for you.

🍬Venus in 12th house -The married life of these natives will be happy and full of adventure and traveling. The native's partner will bring good luck and fortune to the native's life. As per married life predictions, the natives will be caring and kind towards their partners, and they will be understanding towards each other. Your wife will have a mysterious beauty that you will immediately fall in love with. You will find it especially beautiful, because it will have a special spiritual nature. Your wife will be very sympathetic and will do a lot for you. She can be the person who will bring out the best in you and with whom you will feel that you can give her a part of yourself.

-Rebekah🌙🫧

#astrology #energy #zodiac signs #planets #astrological houses #venus #jupiter #relationships

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heybank · 1 month

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umm so i wrote a little fic/blurb idk i don't think it's good but it's something that's been stuck in my head for a while with my own little oc named grace but her name is only mentioned a few times so it could totally be ignored and seen as reader.

anyway this is my first ever fic so please be kind to me and if you have suggestions or other fic ideas i'd love to hear them.

not proof read and lowercase intended.

and if you think it's awful please lie to me i'm fragile 😔

deny

you are a lover girl. a hopeless romantic, someone who dreams of finding "the one" and living happily ever after. kie often says you tend to fall in love a little with everyone you meet. you can't help it though, you have so much love in you, it feels like you'll burst at the seams if you don't share it with others.

you think you're in love with your best friend jj maybank. no one understands you the way the wild blond haired boy does. no one can communicate with you with just a single look the way jj does. no one makes your heart beat out of your chest and your tummy flutter the way his dimpled smile does, eyes crinkling at the corners, a slight sunburn on his nose because lord know that boy doesn't use the sunscreen you bought him.

so yeah you're in love with jj maybank but then yesterday a different boy kissed you. pope heyward, your other best friend, genius extraordinaire whom you thought was maybe in love with kie but no- he kissed you and you felt a tingle in your ever beating heart. heat filled your cheeks and your ears became fuzzy. that was a new feeling when it came to pope. it made you excited to explore because as much as you love jj, you don't think the boy would ever return your undying affection because your friendship meant too much.

----

you stood in the threshold of popes bedroom, gasp stuck in your throat, eyes wide and mouth open at the sight before you. you’re not sure how to process what you’re seeing.

before you on the bed that pope kissed you on not even 24 hours ago, is jj maybank, your closest friend, kissing the heyward boy.

so many emotions flow through you at the sight before you.

shock because not once has jj; or pope for that matter mentioned or even hinted that they liked men- or each other. then again, jj has always liked beautiful people and pope is certainly that.

sadness because you and pope had literally just kissed. maybe you were naive to think a simple kiss meant something more to the boy, but it was pope, you don't think there's a mean bone in his body. then again you’ve always been too much of a romantic, too blinded to really see what’s in front of you. blinded by your want and need to be loved that perhaps you create situations in your mind that you interpret as reality? maybe you need to contact your therapist again. you're sounding even more delusional than before.

lastly, you feel jealousy. the angry green monster rumbling around in your tummy, making its way up your throat. you’re not sure what exactly is making you jealous because the image of the two boys kissing is surely confusing. are you jealous because pope is kissing another person who isn’t you? a part of you is jealous because he’s kissing jj. or maybe it’s that jj is kissing pope or that maybe they’re kissing eachother and they're not kissing you? you're not sure at this point. dear diary jealousy is a disease babes, and you are infected.

you must have made a noise because next thing you know, the two boys are pulling apart, a string of spit still connecting them and for a second your love rattled brain is jealous of it. the spit that is, because deep down you’ve always known that you wanted them both… to be the one to connect them. you feel slightly crazy being jealous of spit.

jjs face goes beat red and then flushes pale, like a ghost. he looks terrified and like he might vomit all over the floor in a second.

“grace!” popes panicked voice reaches your ears but they’re still kind of ringing from the shock of seeing your supposedly straight best friends kiss.

in your heartbroken haze you wonder if you're being a bad ally right now. you love the gays you swear! you just never pictured pope and jj as being a part of the gays ™.

you clear your throat, “jb and kie are waiting for us downstairs. we were going out on the boat today, remember?”

you try and say that as gently as possible because jj still looks like he’s going to pass out and pope isn’t much better.

popes hands are shaking as he reaches for you and a part of you wants to pull away but you’re not mean. you’ve never been mean so even if your feelings are hurt you’ll always put your best friends feelings above your own. and it looks like pope needs to touch you. maybe to hold your hand and reassure him you’re really standing there, witnessing something that you probably shouldn’t have.

so many emotions flicker through popes eyes. you can’t really see his blush but you’re sure if you touch his face it would be hotter than the sun.

pope grabs your hands in his shaking ones. you can feel how clammy they are and you hazard a look back to jj who has yet to even move. you’re a little concerned he’s gone into shock.

you let out a soft sigh and smile at the boys, a smile that is mostly genuine.

you squeeze popes hand and make eye contact with the panicked blonde boy on the bed.

“it’s ok jj. i won’t say anything if you don’t want me to.” you speak kindly, as if you’re talking to a scared feral cat.

you only see jj swallow hard. “for what it’s worth, i understand the appeal... wanting to kiss pope and all.” you tease hoping to cut the obvious tension in the room. you feel like you're the one choking now.

jj and pope both let out huffs like they’re afraid to laugh but also relieved you’re not upset.

“you’re not mad?” jj croaks like he still has a frog lodged in his throat. he looks at you with soft wonder, like you’re the best thing in his life. his stare makes your tummy flutter.

“of course not. you guys are my best friends. i only ever want you to be happy!” you reply honestly. jj deserves happiness after the shit life he’s been dealt. he deserves good things and if you have to set aside your feelings in order for him to have good things then by golly you’ll do that.

“grace, about yesterday-“ pope starts off,

“don’t worry buddy, already forgotten.” you cut him off. hopefully saving him the strife of having to apologize to you about the kiss and saving you the embarrassment of him telling you he regrets your kiss. you don't think you could survive hearing that out loud.

you march over to jj still holding popes hand, effectively dragging the boy with you. you throw your arms tightly around jjs neck and after a heartbeat, jj returns your hug. you move your head to look at pope and nod at him, encouraging him to join the hug.

“now c’mon. you know how pissy jb gets when he’s made to wait” you giggle.

you lead the boys out of popes room and home and into the twinkie without giving them an option of saying no.

“finally! i thought y’all died or something. what took so long” john b huffs in exasperation.

“my fault jb!” you quickly chirp so the boys don’t have to panic and think of a lie “pope showed me the new book he got and it’s my favourite and i starting gushing and you know me i can’t shut up and… well i forgot why i went up to get them in the first place” you giggle with a sheepish smile.

“you’re so lucky you’re cute, grace” kie laughs teasingly.

you see pope and jj making eye contact. you have a feeling you might need to play therapist for them soon. pope doesn’t know how to talk about his feelings without beating around the bush and well, jjs favourite thing to do is deny deny deny.

actually, that’s exactly what you’re gonna do too! deny you have feelings for pope. deny you have feelings for jj. deny you ever saw them kiss and deny that them kissing only upset you because you weren’t a part of it. deny that a part of you enjoyed it. deny that your feelings matter in this situation and deny that if given the chance, you’d love to be in between a beautiful jj maybank and pope heyward sandwich.

yep, deny deny deny. this is gonna be a long freaking summer.

#jj maybank #kiara carrera #obx #outer banks #pope heyward #jj maybank x reader #pope x reader x jj #jj maybank x oc #pope heyward x reader #pope heyward x oc #john b routledge #my fic #obx fanfiction #obx fic

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