#what no im not me i dont have my problems i am simply the character i am in the school play going about his day rn

[daisybell-on-a-carousel]

Sorry for fundamentally misunderstanding a character and missing the point the creators keep trying desperately to throw at me. I was raised to not respect them past a character's major run you see

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

guys my newest coping method is just,,, method acting ??

[uselessvaldemarsimp]

"less-cannon-accurate" annnnd there it is, thanks for letting us know that the author of that "route" treats Valdemar being aroace just as an inconvenient little detail to be discarded. what a shame

DISCLAIMER: i am not aroace! this is simply my opinion, take what i say with a grain of salt

here’s what i have to say:

is valdemar good aroace representation in the first place?

i dont think so! their orientation was announced in a, correct me if im wrong, comment section of an instagram post, and no where else! the fact that they and vulgora, villains, are the only nonbinary characters that use they/them exclusively, and the fact that valdemar, again, a villain, is the only aroace character in the entire game, is simply overall bad representation! a villain being aroace isn’t inherently bad representation, but all other things considered in this specific situation, the creators seem to view aroace people as inhumane freaks! yikes!

is this an excuse to erase said gender and sexuality?

not really, no!

is the valdemar dorian route by ronelle otieno good aroace representation despite this?

i think so! it’s done very well in my opinion, being an integral part of their character, not explicitly stated but shown through their actions and storytelling, it honestly makes valdemar seem a little more human, the way that their orientation is shown. i think ronelle otieno took something that was a poorly done afterthought and made it into good representation

can aroace people partake in sex and romance?

yes! this is a pretty obvious fact that most people are aware of by now

since that’s the case, is the inclusion of sex and/or romance when engaging with an aroace character an erasure of their sexuality?

not inherently! again, aroace people Can partake in these things, despite what some people may think!

HOWEVER, is deviating from canon with an aroace character who has been explicitly stated to not have an interest in sex and romance an erasure of their sexuality?

honestly, this is where things get tricky, but i think i have a way of thinking about it:

do actions = attraction?

i dont think so! i think people can kiss whoever they want, have sex with whoever they want, give flowers to whoever they want, without it being a direct show of their orientation. therefore, while it may be deviating from canon, it isn’t an inherent erasure of the characters sexuality. an erasure of aroace sexuality would be having that character specifically show or state that they are romantically and/or sexually attracted to someone. that’s where we begin having issues! if you have a problem with deviating from canon, that’s an entirely different thing, and i suggest you never interact with fandoms ever! for your own sanity.

people swap the sexualities of characters all the time, why is it such an issue when people do it with aroace characters, or queer characters in general?

lack of representation! if all these different flavors of queer were normalized, as they should be, people wouldn’t have so much of an issue with playing around with characters sexualities, but because representation is spare, people cling onto these aspects of these characters for dear life, even if the representation isn’t good representation

so what should people be fighting for?

more representation! instead of hanging onto characters who’s orientation is already a badly done, arguably acephobic afterthought, maybe the best course of action is to make an effort to create more aro and/or ace representation in general!

at the end of the day, is this all that big of a deal?

not really! you are the the captain of your own ship. you can choose to interact with things, or dont! wasting energy arguing over something that wont change is not worth your precious time. using that energy to create and promote Good representation is probably a better use of ones energy.

i highly encourage aroace people, especially those who have read the dorian route, to share their opinions. i dont intend to speak For or Over aroace people, im just a stranger on the internet who has thought a lot about things that dont really matter a whole lot in the grand scheme of things

[jacedified]

things i cant stop thinking about !!

most of this is going to imperium related so enjoy my brain turning mwah

also pls ignore my mid sentence rambling i have a serious problem

warnings: gore/mentions of death , violence , imperium , swearing :D , adult with internet access cant shut up

- yandere caller being a shade

(someone said this on a hc list and now im actively running with it)

- sams eyes being brown

(as a brown eye haver i know he misses them dearly and i wnna give him the worlds sweetest biggest longest hug)

- the idea of gavin “slicing” peoples threads for kody in imperium

(forcing my husband ((i need therapy im married to a fictional incubus)) to do such acts simply because you want to you sick freak ILL FUCKING KILL U- oh wait gavin already did xoxo kiss my ass from hell kody)

- the look on kodys face at the end of it all

(as previously stated i wanted that man dead.. i just wanna make sure hes actually gone yknow)

- what asher’s smile looked like when him and david were together (imperium)

(knowing that david was gone, hearing the random audience member asking for david to be alive and left alone in the first imperium video, knowing they were mates, knowing how heartbroken asher was after his death i just wanna see them happy maann ((it feels criminal to use emojis on tumblr)) 😭😭)

- if lasko calling freelancer “my dear” when you first met him in the haven was a sneak peek for his later ((is the word prime for like normal redacted universe characters i can’t remember, like prime lasko yada yada)) listeners name

- if no one was watching gavin WOULD HE HAD BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF IMP!HUXLEY???

(the amount of shit talking hux did when freelancer and gavin first get to the haven had me ready to fight in an instant ((it mightve just been my overwhelming adoration for gavin but still)) like he was acting like an annoying jock who gets a job as security for some fuck ass rich university and thinks hes on top of the world like dont piss me off huxley or damien gets it in the other universe so help me god)

- is anyone else as attracted to the tension between vincent and asher in imperium as i am..

(i have no words for how “yippee kicking my feet happy smiley kiss now kiss now what if u kissed rn” i was when asher and vincent are talking but also i feel like pet ((is that vincents listeners name or vegas I CANT REMEMBER PLS)) was behind a door listening in and getting jealous bc “that should be me holding your hand..”

… excuse the outburst)

- vampire milo.. thats all

(GAWD hes so hot like he always is and always has been but jesus FUCKING christ theres something about him having been a vamp did something to me that i cant even explain)

- what was avior saying to lasko to make him irritated with him..

(i mean yeah hes a yapper but i feel like it was just “hey we need help down here” and lasko rolling his eyes and waiting two weeks before actually doing anything)

- WHERE TF IS ELLIOT WHERE TF IS SUNSHINE CAN I BEAT BLAKES ASS??

- what would have happened had milo not broken the ward

(again someone else mentioned this ((i would tag them but it was 6hrs ago and i was just scrolling and reading)) and now i cant stop thinking about it)

- what is avior hearing in his last video

(its been a while since ive actually listened to aviors playlist again but there was a voice or sounds he was hearing after getting out of the meridian and its just been on my mind)

- gavin having a myspace account

(he would love myspace i just know he would and i feel like he’d be an avid tumblr user but like its just him posting his favorite pics of himself from the week and updates on whatever small pet him and freelancer would very obviously inevitably get bc he saw it in a pet store or on the street and couldnt resist)

- what happens when freelancer gets old..

(freelancer is just that.. a freelancer. they arent a vamp, or a demon, or even some secret third thing.. what happens to them and gav when they get old. have they had that talk yet? i shouldnt think about this bc it makes me spiral into a bucket of tears and sadness bc its the same thing with sam and darlin’ like we wont know what theyll do when their partners get old and they are still young and immortal.. sigh 😔)

- can i cut the meridian open with a knife if i tried?

(how thin is the meridian? how easy is it to access? how long would it take me to literally stab it open? ((i have serious issues)) )

- imp!damien..

(yea i have a crush on him or whatever nothing crazy)

- is the person asher catches in imperium baabe or is it just random listener #18683 ?

(obviously my first thought when i listened to imperium like a year ago i thought baabe nd asher would be together ((i was delusional and on an asher high)) but then when it was revealed that he and david were mates in that universe did that mean baabe just doesnt exist or are they the person that gets caught by him or again some secret third thing)

- what happens to angel in the mess that is imperium, honestly what happens to all the shaw pack listeners

(obviously sweetheart is left out of this equation bc them and milo are still happily obsessed with each other in every universe BUT angel, baabe, and darlin where yall at??)

- WHERE ARE THE AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE EMPATHY DEMONS IN IMPERIUM UNIVERSE??

(this just popped into my mind but WHERE IS MY SON?? what have u done with my son WHERE IS MY SON??!!?)

- is anyone else as obsessed with just erik and his mind?

(that handsome blessing to my youtuber universe.. i could listen to him babble for hours and will do so bc it feeds my “listening to nerdy man babble on abt his fixations” quota)

- what imperium versions of characters do people prefer over their counterparts

(personally i prefer imp! huxley, damien, and vincent over their prime versions ((still dont know if im using the term prime in the right context)) idk what it is but well i know what it is for huxley and damien but we dont need to get into why i dont like hux and dames rn :D but for vincent i just like seeing a different version of him i think.. hes so confident with his decisions, and knows what he wants in imperium i just want that for regular vince too.. sigh)

uhh anyways.. i think thats enough thinking for now, going back to sleep

stay safe out there

[fandomrouletteburrito]

You know what? Im going to vent about how annoyed I am abt bsd atm and put it in the tags bcuz I also want to debate it. I enjoy bsd but I am struggling to understand what exactly Asagiri is trying to do here esp when this arc is so long that the arc itself has mini arcs in it.

If anyone reads this I would love, LOVE to discuss this because I am yanking my hair in frusteration

I am putting it under a cut so that ppl who dont want to see criticism abt bsd dont have to see it

Am i being an asshole? Yes

Am i going to warn ppl before hand and remind them that they can curate their internet experience by simply not reading something that is going to criticize something they love? And the block button exists for a reason???????Also yes

That being said i dont often go off about things i dont like about media i enjoy because well i understand everything i like has pros and cons

Also i still read bsd bcuz there r other things i DO like about it

Anywayssss

The thing that is bothering me about bsd is that I dont think I can tell what any character is doing EVER. Perhaps thats just my taste and I like having some idea of whats going to happen.

The characters arcs are excellent, their actions make sense for the personalities that they have yes.

The problem i do have w bsd is that the characters are apparently constantly always somehow predicting whats going on

How in the goddamn world do you expect me to believe that Fyodor let Dazai see him kill someone through touch so that Dazai would come up w a plan like Mersault? Fyodor didn’t expect Dazai to catch him at the end of the whole virus thing so like how is that enough time for him to find a way to kill that guard by just touching his hand? Why do that unless you planned the Mersault fake death from the start?

I forget but didn’t the Hunting Dogs get Mushitaro to bring up Dazai’s crimes to get Dazai into Mersault? Was this all to get Dazai away from the agency? Extremely likely but that tells me Fyodor planned to fake his death from the star(again) WHICH IN TURN MEANS HE HAD TO HAVE FKING KNOWN SO MUCH AHEAD OF TIME which only makes sense if he had access to some type of future telling ability because some characters actions WERE random eg: below

If Gogol randomly decided to break Fyodor out of Mersault with his race against death game, how can Fyodor expect to be killed by a vampire to become Bram??? How does this make sense if he did not know that Gogol would plan this at all?

There is the panel of Fyodor fallin through the Mersault room correctly as he says its time to escape so maybe he knew Gogol would that? HOW if Gogol just came up with that plan without any of Fyodor’s input?? Alright then maybe he was acting so Dazai won’t catch on but even then how was he expecting to die so that he can become Bram?? What was his alternate plan?

Alright maybe he simply predicted Gogol to do that which I think is a bit sad for Gogol since I think his whole character arc is about how he doesn’t want to be shackled by anything and I would argue being manipulated by someone is a shackle

Criticism 2: the fact absolutely no one of importance has died in bsd manga except for in the light novels(i am including Odasaku in this) please PLEASE correct me if I missed a death

Im not counting Fukuchi as dead because jury’s still out on that given the whole thing w God!Fukuchi/Amenogozen

Esp as we have Dead Apple where whats his names ability outlived him and i think also in 55 minutes

Because well, how do you expect me to take any of the stakes in this manga seriously if no one of name dies ever, I would not have this issue if death wasnt faked out as many times as it has

Maybe Bram will actually stay dead but I doubt it

The fact Kunikida was killed this chapter just tells me that yet again, death is not a serious consequence in this manga. Esp as the book has not been used yet. Even fking HP Lovecraft is alive ffs.

If Kunikida stays dead I will HAPPILY eat my words and state that Asagiri is a master writer for fooling my reading of bsd that well.( i am obviously not saying only my interpretation of bsd is correct so pls dont come at me)

Criticism 3: why didn’t Dazai literally just kill off Fyodor w Chuuya once they got Sigma to get the info from Fyodor

I understand thats a much more author did that because thats what the writing needed and characters are only as intelligent as the story needs so … fineeeee thats on me

Criticism 4: the whole Amenogozen thing about how the war isn’t real

How can Fyodor fake the sign on the wall unless he knew what sign meant world ending to Fukuchi???

Not sure if this is a criticism but if Chuuya was sent by Mori…how did Fyodor expect him to show up? Unless Fyodor and Mori discussed that earlier together in which case Mori is doing an excellent job at pretending like he’s not inleague with Fyodor

This plan of Fyodor’s to become Bram is just so batshit insane and so reliant on people doing random things at the right time eg: Gogol and the death game, Chuuya not being used to kill Fyodor in any form, Sigma not waking up in time to warn the agency, Dazai not fking shooting Fyodor w a gun

Imagine if Gogol’s poison succeeded then well ig Fyodor would just stay in his body since he injected the poison in his own veins which hey doesn’t that mean there was no risk of Fyodor dying in that game? I am likely wrong but it is kinda funny

Unrelated but wow tumblr does NOT want to make writing this on mobile easy bruh

I think the reason I’m so frusterated with this is that bsd is so unpredictable that for me it feels like its going beyond the suspension of disbelief i have

Its breaking the intelligence scale that they set with Fyodor, Dazai and Ranpo that it feels too much to believe

My other issue is I dont know what the whole long term thing w BSD is, and I am a bit tired of that. That might be my personal taste where I like to know what kind of ending or long term things I hope to see in a series but this is a bit too absured for me which might be the point

If anyone reads this entire nonsensical essay you have my respect

[cleromancy]

while from the doylist perspective the stories are specifically propping tim up compared to jason by doing this... i am obviously still very interested in, and compelled by, jason canonically having a pretty high opinion of tim going all the way back to their first meeting.

(for the record, absolutely nothing in-universe justifies jason having this opinion of tim up until tim springs him from prison imo. he beat the snot out of tim in tt29 and it wasn't even hard and yet for some fucking reason he still walks away thinking tim is a Better Robin than he was? like... ok. sure. more thoughts on this later in the post tho)

so the new earth (post-crisis pre-reboot) continuity tim-jason interactions we have, in order, are batman 617-618 (from batman: hush, this ones a retcon and barely counts, its just jason holding tim hostage with a batarang to his throat; and you might also get a glimpse of jay doing this in batman annual 25 lol but its in the other room so im not checking), tt29 (published in the middle of uth coming out, lol), tt47 (countdown tie-in), robin 177 and 182-183 (post-countdown, immediately after jason dumps his red robin costume and one of tims rogues fishes it out of the dumpster to wear, correctly intuiting *for some reason* that this will get to tim), and......... sigh. stupid battle for the stupid cowl.

(and, since were talking about jasons perspective, theres also the picture wall in lost days. i dont know what issue it is because to me lost days is not "made up" of "issues", it is one book i simply open to devour whole whilst weeping.)

i think tt 29 is the interaction i find the most frustrating because... we have an idea what tt29 would have been like if it were good. bc we have ga01 69-72. and granted Tim is such a cocky little shit (affectionate) that jason simply. Would probably not have been able to scare him no matter what, lol... but imagine if this fucking issue had been good.

ok cutting 4 length

the problem with johns. .......the FIRST problem with johns. is that he regularly has interesting ideas and his execution of them completely falls flat. the second problem with johns is that he can't write dialogue. the third problem with johns is that it was really really important to him that you understood what a Talented And Special Boy tim is but instead of showing you that he just forced other characters to. tell you. over and over. jason is not johns' only victim in this quest. (and johns was also not the only perpetrator, as we will see when i get to fuckin fabnic.)

but like i said i *am* actually interested in the potential here, because i do think there is potential.

and i also think that--at least when you read into it as deeply as i do--jason is sympathetic in this issue. (don't give me "hes beating up a child" crap here btw. jason's only 2-3 years older, tims a peer to him, they could easily have gone to high school together if jason hadnt fuckin died.) johns deliberately shows us Jason hoping raven gets a reprieve from the nightmares, and he certainly was *trying* to show us how much it would fucking suck to be remembered as the Bad Robin, forgotten except to be a cautionary tale, what kind of things that would do to a person emotionally. AND he makes a point of highlighting Jason's loneliness and isolation as robin, and. tbh i dont think the issue itself rly blames Jason for that. (you most certainly do not gotta hand it to him though. under no circumstances do you gotta hand it to johns for anything.)

and while jason tearing off his clothes to reveal his party city knockoff robin costume--the better to beat you with, my dear--was, erm. falling mostly on the wrong side of the line btwn camp and cringe... i do think jason writing his own name in blood on the wall was right on the money, *especially* because it was obviously not tims blood. like, tim wasnt bleeding anywhere near enough for that. it was either fake blood or jason prepped his own beforehand for them to DNA test--but also if they saw it before they saw tim, to make them fear for tims life, as a reminder of the risks theyre dealing with here.

oh but i was planning on talking specifically about like. what Jason might actually have seen in tim that left him with a positive impression. as-written? kinda nothing. lmao. or well the one thing imo is this

just kidding i couldn't find the panelz somehow despite posting them literally like yesterday and i ran into this lol:

>:| got distracted again. by this.

anyway i give up ill add the pics later. but its the exchange where jason has *decisively* won the fight, tims crumpled on the floor concussed and winded, and jason demands if tim *really* thinks he was good enough to tail bruce unnoticed for weeks.

and tim says "yes." hes beat up enough he can barely talk but there's still no hesitation whatsoever. and jason is *really* down on himself in this issue--he calls himself a failure, he feels like no one cared about his death, he feels unremembered. and jasons stated intentions here were to get the measure of tim but i also stand by the interpretation that he wanted to warn tim off of the sidekick gig, to remind him you uh. you have to be dick fucking grayson to survive it. (i dont believe either of them mentions him by name, but hey, dicks shadow is big enough for the both of them.)

i think what jason finds worthy of respect here--and, on top of that, intriguing enough that in robin 177 he entreats tim to join him--is the confidence, and also? at absolutely no point does tim believe jason is there to kill him. not a fuckin high bar, i know, but like i said i do think jason had *planned* to try and scare tim off (just also mega derailed himself by accident bc he got too in his feelings about the statue room 🥺), and... its not a bar he would have expected Tim to clear, is all im saying. particularly because while it is *possible* this took place in the middle of uth (tt 29 was released in november 05, between batman 646 and 647, which is the part where slade shows up bc black mask hired him to take jason out, so tt29 couldnt have happened in the middle of those two specific issues, but there are several other points at which jason could have taken a break in menacing gotham to fly to san Francisco), with Jason talking so negatively about himself i have to assume this is after the end of uth.

(you might be able to place this in the in-universe chronology by if/when teen titans mentions chemo dropping on bludhaven, which happens immediately before the bruce-jason-joker final showdown. however i dont feel like poking around for that or any other details to anchor tt29 to the other events happening at the time rn.)

i just also think so much of what jasons doing in this issue is like--he doesn't know *what* hes there to do. he had a plan and hes kinda fumbling it, not because tim is being especially resourceful but because jasons still licking his emotional wounds from uth, and titans tower is bringing up ones i dont think he ever realized hadnt healed. hes feeling everything at once. hes angry and hurt and full of self loathing but i think by the time tim simply says "yes," jason hits the stage of just being... burnt out. done lashing out, fucking tired, just wants to go home, if he can ever find it.

but i do think that "yes" would stick in his craw for a long time afterwards.

tt47: tim kicks jason in the nuts and pretty much declares them even for tt29 lolol. you may have seen my post about how jason only *sometimes* wears armor in countdown--hes drawn in the armored turtleneck and tac pants in tt47, but there are times in countdown hes out there fighting aliens and metas and shit in his jacket, a *t-shirt,* and *jeans.* just a squishy regular degular baseline human doing this and no one ever brings it up. but anyway. do i think tim would have seen jason wearing the equivalent of civvies plus a domino mask, narrow in on that, and immediately decide to kick him in the balls? i sure do. do i also think that this would make him rise in jasons estimation?

yeah. yeah, i really do. lol

anyway after this! after this is jasons briefish world-hopping stint as red robin saving the universe being a big damn hero and getting paid dust by everyone around him, in countdown; i think i mentioned before in this post that at the end he abandons the red robin suit in a dumpster, where it gets picked up by one of tims rogues. this storyline sucks and fabnic is a hack unfortunately. the rogue did it bc he wants tims attention or whatever. not important except for how irritating it is that fabnic fumbled a concept this juicy (tim inheriting and eventually purposely adopting The Bad Robin Mantle) which is also further fumbled by stupid battle for the stupid cowl, and the people who it falls to to salvage it are. johns again, in adventure comics 3, and yost, who is a better writer than johns or fabnic but not by like a huge margin.

and while i do think tim having a bad opinion of jason at this point was inevitable i find it so frustrating the way it was executed... like so often with Bad Tim Writing and also fuckin DC Editorial's Jason Slander Agenda shit it wasn't because in-universe thats how the characters would feel, the writer was using tim as a mouthpiece, and jasons competence and things he cares about arent taken seriously... BUT WHATEVER the point is that when Tim goes to stop Jason from his villainous scheme to reduce crime or whatevr jason has such a high opinion of him that he asks tim to join him:

and jasons loneliness, his desperation to be heard, is such a theme for him in the new earth/post crisis era and i wish it had been. Handled better lol are you noticig a theme here its that Jason has been written badly. (tim too, tbh.) and when tim says no jasons dejected but unsurprised acceptance breaks my heart. but to me the most interesting part of jasons appearance at the end of tims robin series is in 182, when tim--for absolutely no good reason--gives jason the means to break out of prison.

he says something about how its what Bruce would have wanted, but for. reasons i wont get too deeply into rn, that absolutely does not hold water.

anyway i just think there's no way jason doesn't start crushing on tim at least a little at this point. shrug.

bftc sucks and i dont want to look at it rn. but its also got examples of jasons high opinion of tim. and also im mad at it bc both countdown AND his appearances in robin feel like they could have been taking jason to a like. more of an antihero type of role and then we get bftc and morrison and its kind of. fucking hard to get jason anywhere near back on track after that for those of us who still like playibg in the post-crisis pre-reboot sandbox. and i wouldnt be mad about that if bftc had been good bc Jason absolutely does make an incredibly interesting and effective and tragic antagonist when handled well but well. he wasnt. and i have no idea what bftc would.have even been like if it was good bc it was so off the wall and dumb and assassinated actually *everyones* characters. so.

anyway

im just going to roll back to robin 183 now

jasons referring to the damage tim got when he got a little bit exploded in 180, this pretty nasty burn on the back of his head, which was actually why he wore jasons RR cowl for the first time (he was still robin). but what you do see here--aside from Tims narration which puts him *firmly* on the side of obnoxiously arrogant and judgmental instead of charmingly cocky in this issue, to my estimation, thanks for nothing fabnic--is the two of them on firmly cordial terms. jason still thinks more highly than tim does of him, but theyre asking each other about their injuries... tim caring about the wellbeing of people he doesn't even like is par for the course with him, ofc, but once again Jason doesn't really get that a whole lot. constantly haunted by this panel from countdown btw:

does he though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

here is another jaytim preboot canon interactions post from a few months ago with some more thoughts, some repeated lol.

anyway. incoherent rambling complete for now. however. jaytim time is all the time 👍 i will revisit this.

[bamboozledcorvid]

Also I am willing to explain in detail why despite being a massive dick spider is one of the shows best characters (not including cash, Quinni or Ant who are arguably perfect) if asked

would love to here about this !! dont mind me im just a rando scrolling through the hbh high tags

No worries I’d love to explain!

obviously Spider is an asshole that is the point of his character he was written to be an antagonist but he’s such a well written antagonist, the way he clearly loved or at least felt strongly for Amerie just to have her laugh in his face at a problem (erectile dysfunction) that he was deeply embarrassed of, even after she done this he still cared for her and is only openly rude to her as retaliation for the things she does and says that upset him.

His friendship with Ant is also incredibly cute, Spider is actively mean to everyone except Ant. Multiple times in the show he shows that he genuinely cares about Ant and their friendship. Which is made even more clear in season 2 where it’s shows that Spider encourages Ant to talk about his feelings with Harper, and Ant shows he feels the same way by following Spider blindly and defending him when he was accused of being bird psycho (as well as trying to stop Amerie from throwing a bird at him) because Spider has proven to Ant that he is a good person.

A bully without cause is impossible to feel empathy or compassion for, but we learn from season 2 that a big part of the way he acts is because of how he’s treated, his mother views him as a disappointment and a monster purely for being a man, she is a Middle aged single woman who has decided that all men are born to be monsters, she sits in front of her son and speaks about him being a disappointment pure for being a cis man as well as talking about how she feels hatred towards him based of dreams and feelings she holds towards men in general (things that spider has never proven her right in but she believes anyway) I think seeing this glimpse into his home life makes him much easier to understand.

With Missy he aims to make sure she is content and pleasured as well as making sure she’s never uncomfortable with what there doing, he listens to her interests and is willing to work towards being a better person for her. With Missy he finally begins to feel comfortable until she does the same as Amerie and laughs at the mere thought of the two being together. (However I do deeply appreciate that Missy was understanding of his bedroom problem as well as the problems caused by his home life) He understands that he is an asshole and he takes accountability for it and doesn’t expect people to forgive him.

Whilst he is easy to hate many characters in the show do equally fucked up things (Amerie and Sasha are both great examples of this) I don’t believe spider ever made any of his comments or jokes based of his actual beliefs I think he was acting out which whilst is still a dick move makes him less evil in my eyes, the fact he understands that people hate him and that they have every right to hate him also makes him more likeable in my eyes. (As apposed to Amerie who thinks she should be forgiven for simply feeling bad and Sasha who doesn’t think she’s done wrong)

That’s pretty much my entire rant on spider.

(I’m not hating on Amerie who I also think is a great character, I just think people ignore the things she’s done wrong because it’s from her perspective and it’s easier to sympathise)

(I am however hating on Sasha)

[trainingdummyrabbit]

ok your posts have got me so curious what is lobcorp and who is Angela I am dying to know

ohhhhhh anon. im so glad you asked. youve activated my infodump trap card. we are gonna be here a lilwhile, but i will try to keep it short regardless.

[inhale] lobcorp, also known as lobotomy corporation, is a multitasking monster-management game, part of a series of games from the producers Project Moon. it starts as a very simple "dystopian setting manage the monsters and sometimes employees die nbd" sort of game, but then rapidly, intensely spirals the more you play. its notoriously difficult but also ridiculously fun and satisfying to get correctly. you are expected to fail and retry multiple times, so much so that it is an active in-narrative plot point.

you play as the manager of L corp, named X, and angela is your Helpful AI Assistant here to help you make energy efficiently and be the best manager you can be. :] by making energy. nothing else. dont worry about it.

lobcorp as a game has absolutely Fantastic characters, and Doubly so in its sequel Library of Ruina. its a series that focuses on character growth, cycles of violence, autonomy, the definition of humanity and personhood... and just. so, so much more. its so full of The Horrors.

. this, of course, is the very basics of getting into the game. i am going to explain everything very vaguely and very messily. i'll spoilercut in case you're interested in looking spoilerless based off of this, (extra post abt it [here] if youd like to check it out yourself) but i will Try to keep it vague. i make no promises. youve asked me about my favorite character. that i have previously spent 6 hours straight explaining to a friend. you understand. here we go.

////

lobcorp takes place inside a monster-management facility... that is, in and of itself, a closed-off timeloop. in order to progress, certain events and interactions must happen in a very specific way for its ultimate goal to be realized. should something go wrong or a mistake occur, the loop resets to day 1, and you must do it all over again.

angela, your ai assistant, was built to be the perfect person to keep you, the manager, on-track for a plan of your own making. dont worry about it. she was built to be able to seamlessly and efficiently move things along-- the ability to feel emotion to be able to connect with employees and make crucial decisions, the ability to recall anything that has ever happened regardless of the loop, and the ability to perceive time much, much slower than a normal human to make judgements more efficiently.

she guides and supports you all the way up until the final leg of the journey, where... she simply doesnt show up again. she has done her job, and you no longer need her. you have a plan to finish, and an incalculably long time loop to finally close. everybodys suffering results in a happy ending, and everyone gets to rest. ^w^ yay yippee!

. just kidding. nothing is ever easy. angela, as a character, is seemingly set up to be a game mechanic and very little more, in the beginning. eventually, more comes up about her as the game progresses, and well...

...anyway imagine being built to be an imitation of somebody you are not in a broken individual's deepest throes of grief, and the minute you become conscious the guy you were built to love hates you simply because you exist-- because you are not the person he lost, because you're a shoddy imitation, mirroring everything he hates... that he made to be that way, in a cruel act of self-loathing. ok?

now imagine you're built to feel, built to remember, and then forced to guide a timeloop countless years long, forced to follow a script that makes you harm people you desperately want to protect and connect to, causing them to hate you. you remember every bit of harm you had to impose on them in painful detail. imagine doing all this so that your creator can come in and fix all of their problems after youve set the stage. ok?

now imagine you finally do everything right. you finally, finally help this guy to see his plan to fruition, and in the last steps of everything, when everyone comes together and finally starts to move towards their own endings... nobody looks back for you. nobody thinks to look to you, to look for you. because nobody thinks youre anything more than an object.

imagine all that, and once, finally, you start to Want. because of course, after holding everything up by yourself, you would want something more than to fade away wordlessly. of course, after all this mistreatment, you would want a future too. this story was set up so that everyone could grow and move forward-- except you. isnt that cruel? isnt that horrible? so, truly, who would really blame you for taking what you truly deserve? who could blame you for reaching for the same light they did? so what if it means you have to destroy everything you-- everything they worked for with your own hands. they can hate you all they want-- its no different from what it's been. you only have one goal now, and simply, it is to Live.

.

. Library of Ruina is the sequel to Lobotomy Corporation following a curious machine trying to become human. angela becomes one of two main characters, and the entire game functions as a dialogue on her growth as a character now that she finally has the autonomy to learn and change. she searches for the One True Book, something that will grant her humanity and the freedom to live, grow, and most importantly: forget.

along with the second primary character, roland, they learn more about the city and how it truly functions-- and also learn about themselves, And each other.

what do you do when you teach yourself all you can do is survive and look out for yourself-- when you finally open back up to the possibility of hope and connection, and everything is ripped out from under you yet again for circumstances out of your control? what do you do when you're a victim of a cycle of horrific deeds, crushed beneath the weight of people who couldn't care less about you, and your only hope of escaping alive is to pull down anyone else in your way?

what do you do when you finally free yourself from a seemingly endless gauntlet of suffering, finally grasping power youd never been able to have before, all in the name of finally, finally getting the vengeance and resolution you deserve? when you follow the path set in front of you, set by actions of people who came before you, spiralling endlessly into the distance? what do you do when this guise of distance and coldness you put up is rightfully challenged and you have no way of defending yourself-- when you have to question what if this "self" youve made of yourself is truly who you are... and if this path ahead is truly of your own choosing, or the making of someone whose influence you could never really shake off.

what does it mean to have autonomy when your life is never truly yours?

lobotomy corporation and library of ruina, aka: Who Wants To Be Part Of The Torture Nexus ? Try Now !

[themoodyestj]

hello "new person" assuming you aren't yet another sock account created by walker girl because she's bored and doesn't have any friends.

for someone who claims to have a brain, you sure bought a lot of the bs walker girl admittedly made up.

just open your eyes, if you really have a brain then use it and realize that hating on Jensen is a futile waste of time.

because he doesn't even know you exist, and everyone else is busy with their own lives.

there's no point to this, you can't help him, or hurt him, and even if you do this just for funsies, because you like to trigger people.

i guarantee, no one gets their day ruined over a stupid post on tumblr, i doubt anyone even thinks about it for more than 5 minutes tops.

so why don't you find something better to do with with your life?

i promise Jensen will be fine he's a grown adult, and he can solve his own problems just fine.

Oh my, my first hate mail. :D I was actually wondering why the AAs were so quiet while raging on in other platforms, and then I noticed my anon asks were off. They're bold with their words but not with their nicknames, am i right? But lets get to business, shall we? hello "new person" assuming you aren't yet another sock account created by walker girl because she's bored and doesn't have any friends. Oh, I take offense to that, delulu person. I am indeed a new person. Or... well, not that new, just started speaking up a bit more recently. I dont intend to prove anything to you, I dont give a rats ass about what you think, really, and im sure it would help your delusion to think that Im someone's double account, but I am not. Fairy Godmother turned me into a real girl, I swear. for someone who claims to have a brain, you sure bought a lot of the bs walker girl admittedly made up. Oh I do have a brain! It's not a claim, it's a fact! My mom got me tested! (Sorry, had to insert a Big Bang Theory joke here) And no, walkergirl is one of the people I read, but not the only one. Many many others share similar opinions, including people in your circle (except you club them to death like baby seals, you big bullies). Also, I have eyes. I can read. I can think. And if you dont mind me saying... dude, strong projection. Im not the one being fed up lies from the media despite a lot indicating the contrary. And I guess it's annoying to you that a lot of people start to to think the same... Fear us, because we are many. Muahahahahah (Not scared yet? Ah well.) just open your eyes, if you really have a brain then use it and realize that hating on Jensen is a futile waste of time. Ok. Read my characters. I DONT HATE JENSEN. I actually love him. And thats why i want to see him grow and be happy. I can love someone and have critical thinking. Imagine what would happen if you raised a child, which is the most love you can feel for someone, and only praise him? Youd get a Duhneel, and honey, no one wants that. One is enough, dear lord!

Besides, you don't get to tell me who I hate or not, delulu person, stop trying to force your opinion on me. Geez. because he doesn't even know you exist, and everyone else is busy with their own lives. Oh I saw that. I saw how people were getting busy with their lives, in fact, I was sent screenshot after screenshot of how people were busy living their lives. In fact, I know you didnt write this message, its your secretary, because youre busy with your life, right? You old geezers, stop trying to pull my leg like that! (LOL) It would be funny if it wasnt so tragic how one simple post from a small blog can rile you all up like that. But golly, am i happy you guys have a life to live! Go live it! there's no point to this, you can't help him, or hurt him, and even if you do this just for funsies, because you like to trigger people. Well, I do it to express my opinion, thats my point, and it so happens to trigger some very sensitive people. Although I dont go shove my truth in their faces, like you are, Im simply... expressing an opinion. Im sure the concept is familiar to you. But if I were trying to trigger anyone... You'd be playing right into my game, wouldnt you? Mindblowing, right? Maybe a teachable moment right there, just saying. i guarantee, no one gets their day ruined over a stupid post on tumblr, i doubt anyone even thinks about it for more than 5 minutes tops. Yeah, we've been over that. Im so happy my post didnt cause any imposition and people were able to live their merry lives without causing much of a fuss. And im grateful you gave me your five minutes of thinking about my post. Thank you for the attention. so why don't you find something better to do with with your life? Because... I dont want to and youre not the boss of me, neiner neiner? But hey, dont lose hope on me so fast, I do plenty of things! Do you want me to share some recipes of food I cooked for the first time this evening so you can use in your life when youre not thinking about me? I could share some! i promise Jensen will be fine he's a grown adult, and he can solve his own problems just fine. Oh, thank you for the reassurance, I was getting so worried about him! Im sure he is in great company, with you people salivating over him. He wont get dehydrated, thats for sure! Now on a more serious note... I really dont know what you expected with this message. To rile me up? To play with my insecurities? For idiotic messages, idiotic answers. You get it as you dish it. May this be a lesson. The thing is, as much as I love Jensen, I will never be so invested in him as you and your delulu friends are, because i keep a healthy mental stance when it comes to celebrities. So I would advise you to really follow your own advice and live your life, and live it well. Don't let my post ruin your day, its just words. And like you said, Jensen doesnt give a crap about any of us, so what would be the point, right? Tumblr is not my life, this is a place where i spend some time, but it doesnt really define me. If you check my blog... you wont find much there. Im not as proliferous as most bloggers, but hey, you sure gave me a run for my money this weekend! Ok, this was fun. See you never.

[raveneira]

Random but i miss 2020/21/22 when the KawaSara fandom was so active, now i barely see people talking about them or making content. Someone needs to bring back the KawaSara fandom somehow😭.

Ikr? its not much but I am trying to bring the fandom back to life as best I can but Im pretty much a one woman army lol plus a lot of personal life stuff has had me busy which hindered my efforts a bit that Im trying to make up for now, starting with hosting this years KawaSara week since the original organizers didn't do it last year and didn't appear to be going to this year either, so I took over because I knew we had support, fans were telling me how sad they were that it didn't happen last year and was begging for someone to organize it this year, so I took that upon myself to do because I didn't wanna see the week not happen this year either because nobody else stepped up to make it happen.

It sucks how so many got run off by bsa constantly harassing them and making them fearful of even making content for the ship because they knew they would get harassed and didn't wanna deal with it.

Alot of ppl also lost faith in the ship, which is understandable, but stupid IMO because there are ships that have gone through worse than KawaSara and became canon but for some reason ppl treated this like 'oh no, conflict, no way this is happening' and Im just like...danm yall really don't know how shipping works huh? but I mean to each their own but like Vegebul is right there if you wanna see a ship thats been through some REAL shit and look at em now.

It's like todays new age shipping everything has to be smooth sailing, super healthy, super pure, minimal to no conflict, for ppl to ship it and believe it'll be canon when that just isn't how it goes.

Like I even saw a shade tweet one time talkin about 'I actually like my ships vanilla, whats wrong with actually wanting a healthy ship built on mutual respect and positive development without any conflict or drama etc' and Im just like...OK? who tf said you couldn't? but these newbies actually treat shipping like some purity contest and have a weird superiority complex for liking the 'healthier' ships and anyone who doesn't like the 'healthy' ship are weird and horrible and don't care about xyz characters etc

Its so dumb, and childish, if all storytellers followed their logic then we wouldn't have some of the best ships in fiction because only the 'healthy' ones would be canon.

Nobody is saying they cant like healthy ships, but doing so does not make them superior to anyone else nor does it give them the right to dictate what other ppl should ship simply because they disagree and think only healthy ships should be supported, thats what ppl have a problem with. You can argue the opposite side has done the same but there is a big difference in severity between the two, 'healthy' shippers act way more superior and aggressive than 'toxic' shippers [as they call them] are.

But on the bright side KawaSara week has been announced to be happening this year and a surprising amount of ppl liked and retweeted it, so it just goes to show KawaSara fans DO still exist and enjoy the ship, they just went quiet or into hiding because of the harrassment.

And guess what? even tho the event page was specifically tagged KAWASARA don't you know antis 'somehow' found it? not even a day passed since it was posted before multiple antis flocked to the announcement to talk shit, that is a prime example right there why KawaSara fans got so quiet and discouraged from making content and talking about the ship, because THIS is what happens when you dare not fall in line with the BoruSara hivemind cult.

If you dont treat Sarada like Borutos exclusive property whos whole world and character revolves around him, then you don't care about Sarada or her feelings

Their logic not mine, so if you dare pair Sarada with someone other than Boruto who they believe owns her, then you don't care about her. If you don't support the narrative THEY set for her regardless if its been confirmed or stated as a canon fact or not, then you don't care about her because fanon interpretations > canon.

This is why I say this behavior screams insecure, I dunno how you could be the most popular ship with the biggest fandom and the most support, a hug in both the anime and manga, being 'fed good' more than any other ship, yet still be THIS triggered by KawaSara just EXISTING

keep in mind this is the ship they claim is dead, a crackship with zero chance of happening, yet they get so riled up everytime KawaSara is mentioned or so much as have a crumb together they all flock to try and discredit and undermine it, if KawaSara fans just have even a tiny bit of fun and happiness with the ship they come flocking to discourage you and make you feel bad.

That level of obsession with a ship you claim has NO CHANCE and is a non threat because your ship is already canon and set in stone, admit it or not, but their behavior screams that their threatened and arent really confident in their ship themselves which is why they feel the need to try and keep KawaSara down to lift themselves up because its the only way they feel secure, by making US go away, and when we don't, they get mad, because for some odd reason they just cant stand to see another shp besides BoruSara getting attention, love, and support, it drives them MAD.

Which is why you cant convince me their not insecure about their ship, that their not threatened by KawaSara, because to put it into perspective think about it like this, do you see SNS being bothered by SasuHinas existence? no right? know why? cuz their secure in their ship and don't feel threatened by SH, so SH is free to exist openly without SNS harassing them because they don't care, SH is irrelevant and has zero impact on them.

Thats how you would think BoruSara would be given how they boast about themselves, how much they have going for em, their popularity, their support, many moments, you'd think they'd be on cloud 9 not even paying little ol KawaSara and BoruSumi any mind but they do, and for some reason its KawaSara especially that gets under their skin more than anything which is strange tbh since thats the ship thats not even semi canon yet.

Lemme put that into perspective, they are more insecure about a ship thats not even semi canon yet, than BoruMitsu, BoruSumi, KawaAda and BoruAda that are semi canon [since many bsa also ship ksu] let that sink in.

I dunno why they have such a specific hatred towards KawaSara, maybe its because a lot of them hate Kawaki, and because Boruto is the top male prize and Sarada is the top female prize in their eyes, therefore nobody else is good enough for them but each other. And by top prizes, Im talking primarily about eugenics and status.

Read between the lines, what was Sakura? the pretty girl all the guys wanted, what was Sasuke? the cool handsome guy from a prestigious clan all the girls wanted, now what is Sarada? the cool pretty Uchiha princess, what is Boruto? the cool young lord all the girls fall for, their not subtle about it at all.

They discredit Sumire's feelings as insincere so she don't feel like a threat, they diminish and downplay Kawakis bond with team 7 and insist he's not even a part of it, they weirdly were fixated on Kawaki's body being inorganic and therefor concluding he was infertile and therefore couldn't have kids and therefore that'd be the end of the Uchiha clan if she was with him [which is telling of how they perceive her that her primary goal in the relationship would be popping babies, not love] they deny Kawaki as a part of the Uzumaki fam, saying he's unworthy, Naruto should disown him, etc etc, to keep him as the worthless orphan that deserves to die they want him to be.

Again, read between the lines, they dont give a danm about Boruto and Sarada together fr fr, this ship is about eugenics, this ship is about being able to brag about the young lord baggin the Uchiha heiress/Hokage, its about bragging rights, its about having the ship with the 2 biggest prizes, its about OP babies finally fulfilling their long weirdly held desire to see what those clan bloodlines mixed together would create, its about saying you don't want SS 2.0 except when its the ship you want then suddenly its A-ok

Foh man

Sorry I went on a bit of a rant but It really is annoying that KawaSara fans cant just exist in peace and always gotta hear them telling us why we shouldn't ship it, why it has no chance, why BoruSara is so superior and set in stone and we should just accept it yatta yatta yatta instead of just minding their danm business.

Yes I know all fandoms are guilty of this, but none like BoruSara, why? cuz its a far bigger fanbase with more support and they use it to their advantage, doesn't help that a lot of boruto stans support the ship as well as many Sarada fans [mostly Boruto stans tho] they even have SS and NH support too, so you cannot compare it. Their a much larger fandom with way more support that makes it extremely easy for them to bully every other fandom because their much smaller and they know it, everyone knows it, but they get away with it cuz whos gonna stop em? their the biggest and the loudest and therefore are right by default because the smaller fandoms are just 'haters' and 'jealous' 😒 lemme stop here

Bottom line I agree, it was nice back then before Ikemoto changed so much when he took over the writing after Kodachi left, ever since then he has completely butchered Sarada's character beyond recognition, not because she understandably cares and worries about her friend, but because thats ALL she cares and worries about, I don't think anyone has even noticed that Sarada hasn't mentioned Naruto or her mother once since the timeskip started besides that one speech that wasn't about either of them, but just about her defending Boruto, not about any grief over her idol being killed, not remorse for sending her dad away and leaving her mom without her husband, no the one and only time she mentions them is to defend Boruto which is abusmal, she didn't even mention her own dad until Boruto MADE her ask about him.

If thats the ship you want me to support then Im good, I don't want a ship where her only personality trait, motivations, goals, and character as a whole revolves entirely around a man and nothing else, just how to make HIS life better and being there for HIS pain and growth and only lifting HIM up while staying in the background doing nothing and having nothing going on for herself.

I know this may sound like 'but wait that makes it sound like KawaSara wont be canon' no Im not saying that, KawaSara is not off the table even with all that bs Ikemoto has done so far, like I said with Vegebul and just shipping in general, just because things look bad doesn't mean you lost, you haven't lost until somethings made official.

Are BoruSara together? no, are they semi canon? no, have either of them been shown or confirmed to have romantic feelings for each other? no, so nothing is lost yet, even if they were semi canon that still wouldn't be a loss because the other half has to reciprocate, like just cuz Sakura, Ino, and Karin liked Sasuke didn't mean he had to reciprocate any of them, just like even if Sarada liked Boruto doesn't mean he has to reciprocate those feelings or vice versa.

The only time a ship has truely 'lost' is when its actually dead, like one half of it dies for example, or its rival ship gets together, or their relationship is ruined beyond repair, like to the point of no possibility of redemption, only then has a ship truely 'lost' and 'died'

So no, none of this is me saying KawaSara cant still happen, it definitely can, especially with Ikemoto and Kishimoto saying Kawaki would be getting more development soon so there's that, if we get more Kawaki focus there might be some Sarada focus in there too in between. I don't wanna speculate tho but thats just a possibility Im throwing out there.

Regardless, sorry for the rant, but I'm really frustrated by this too because its 2024 now and ppl still cant leave KawaSara tf alone? thats what I meant when I said they take advantage of their size, they know they can silence us, but nobody can silence them, and that pisses me off but what can you do.

But hopefully the announcement of KawaSara week this year will get the fandom active and making content again for fans to enjoy, I will try to contribute something myself, I can understand why a lot of ppl might not wanna bother because of the hate they know they'll receive but I hope they don't let that stop them, it was bad enough KawaSara week wasn't hosted last year and everyone was really bummed about it, I don't want them to be happy seeing it happen this year only to not participate because antis wont let them have fun and enjoy the event in peace 🙏 I really hope the fam stays strong and don't let antis stop them from enjoying THEIR event.

[infernaltenor]

maybe im just a super salty person bc its 5am and im Still not sleepingn and Still thinking about it but i cant help but feel that qtubbo fans are some of the most hypocritial people ive ever seen. this is like. full of generalizations and just observations ive made as a crow and im. typically defensive and salty so im gonna try to be objective but at the very least im not trying to neg on the characters or the ccs, since im directing this towards the fans. its also like a solid two months of build up .so. oops?

but uh. how to start explaining this. well for one im taking this as a recent fan who is a phil watcher pretty much only. but i tend to chronically read posts about other characters since when im into things i like to be informed on all cases (idk constant instinct i have lol). like i said im gonna focus on qtubbo here, if i go into qphil stuff its purely as a comparison point. i cant speak much on interactions with other fanbases since i simply am Not informed enough but yknow.

for one, i think both tubbo and phil ahve similar things when remembering lore that is Not their own. not a neg on either one, since i dont expect them to remember it, but both have forgotten major stuff recently, ie. fred's kidnapping (phil) and the birdhouse (tubbo). both things happened before purgatoryand the subsequent forgetting happened after so even in character it makes sense (they had more to worry about), but i also think reactions in character tends to fuck with audience perception. ie, tubbos very visceral reaction to the ill timed fred joke phil had made (and it was ill timed, and thats all that i feel was criminal about it. tubbo and phils friendship is very much based on banter and friendly barbs, lots of teasing from either side. phil simply shot back on a smilar level as tubbo had originally, making his joke about "phil and who?". other people have spoken on that so im not gonna rehash about whos comment was worse, since imo they were both just shy of being insensitive, had tubbo not been dealing with freds presumed death at the time. im not gonna talk about the funeral, becasue if i do i'll get mad.). likewise, when tubbo forgot birdhouse phils reaction was much less outwards. he just said a birdhouse wouldnt be slaying- given the imprisionment he had, it makes sense that phil would associate it negatively, especially since it catalzyed all of his future derealization episodes. both of these are simply ooc things imo, from their original standpoint. i dont think either is in the wrong for forgetting. but what annoys me is the fandom perception.

this is a problem im going to link back heavily to purgatory. im not sure if it was present beforehand, as i only really got into qsmp the last two-three weeks in october (bad timing) and had only really been watching vods in order to catch up. that being said, i think the bolas and soulfire rivalry had widened the gap between the fans, which in turn affects negative perception. later weeks in november had full bad faith interpretations of phil because he was critical of tubbos choices or simply didnt understand sunnys character perfectly. and there were. a lot of those. purgatory had happened just a few weeks prior, so i liken it to that. maybe it is just my expierence, but the phrasing of a lot of character crit and analysis between the two has wildly different interpretations of a character (to wildly different results)

you can get qphil fans explaining against a bad faith interpretaiton, and people will (and have) called them excuses to defend against character analysis. i have noticed, however, when qtubbo fans do the same thing (and they have) it seems to be more of a matter of adding context to the conversation. thats.... exactly what qphil fans are doing however? when talking critically about qtubbo not communicating with other parents and friends both his and sunny insecurities, its all that hes younger and in a bad mental state. but you have something about phil not understanding sunnys character perfectly, and hes a cruel stepmother and such; and when an explanation is added to why hes not a bad father nor a good father, just an imperfect one trying his best, its simply a "mindless defense against a crit of his character". are these not the same things? providing context to a percieved bad faith interpretation? idk. i cant tell if its the age or the percieved roles theyre supposed to take, but why is tubbo allowed to be imperfect and doused in outward angst, especially when interacting with other characters (ramon had to take the initiative to communicate with tubbo. and yet. age age age.) phils just as complex and imperfect and unwell. all of qsmp is unwell. it is an explanation, not an excuse.

anyway. i think i was thinking about this because of the flightless bird/ostrich dna joke. ill timed, just like the fred one. but phils reaction speaks volumes doesnt it? if its an age one maybe he'll overdramaticize, but he laughs it off mostly. theres a lot he laughs off. he doesnt. "if your kid wasnt here id kill you". tubbo doesnt know about phils failed flight. he probably wont for a while (i cant help but think qphil is embarassed. he was knocked unconcious from hitting the water too hard. and he knows how to fly? fuck, man). i think its wild, however, that one fred joke gets the entire fanbase ready to deface and mischaracterize the whole character. but one wing joke gets maybe shocked laughter and about two posts complaining? idk. maybe im just complaining about nothing, im tired as fuck.

tldr is that tubbo fans are so wildly hypocritical that they cant see when theyre doing the same thing as everyone else. im sure im being hypocritical in this post, its human. but its annoying as fuck when its everywhere, and i think purgatory made it worse.

[atley01]

This disability pride month, I'm left with conflicted feelings.

Whenever I post about disability-related things online, I always try to give my community optimism and hope. I know how much suffering can result from having health issues, and sometimes, you just need a break from dwelling on it. I want to provide fellow disabled people a break from the slippery slope of doom that dwelling can lead to.

But the more I do that, the more that I fear I'm showing an inaccurate representation of disability. That I am painting an image of disability to be something "struggle free all the time and nothing more than a 'unique character trait.'"

Being disabled isn't easy. You're living in a world not meant for you. And you get reminded of that every day. You might think its easier to mask if you're able to, but all that does is dig you into a deeper hole. Sure, I can suppress my tics. Sure, I can mask my autism. Sure, I can try my best to hide my POTS symptoms. I can act like my tinnitus isn't giving me headaches and making it difficult to function in society. I can act like my chronic pain isnt making me want to collapse to the floor. I can pretend I dont need a mobility aid.

Sometimes, though, you arent given the choice on if you hide it or not. And then that whole facade tumbles down. And you're left feeling a mix of embarrassment, shame, and anger. Embarrassed to be seen like that, shame that you may need help, and angry that your body did something against your will, again.

I started working 7 months ago. The first 3 months, I was so happy and proud of myself for being able to have the privilege of holding down a job. By the 4th month, I had some doubts about how long I could hold my job down. Here I am, 7 months in, and Im realizing yet again that I am not as able-bodied as I expected myself to be. The thought that I may have to find a less physically demanding job terrifies me. I feel immense shame for struggling to handle a part-time job physically.

I think what really solidified this for me was when I passed out at my job last month. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but the fact of the matter is I blacked out, and I didn't get to decide I "wasn't going to." That scared me. Or maybe what solidified it for me was when my tinnitus prevented me from being able to understand customers and coworkers. Maybe it was when I had to mask and suppress a tic attack to the best of my ability. Maybe it was when I touched something that triggered my sensory issues, and I was simply too busy to regulate myself, so I had to spend my time dissociating to forget the feeling.

When you're young and you're disabled, it's difficult to be taken seriously. People think you're being dramatic, or they think its something you're doing to be causing all the health problems. "Have you tried changing your diet?" / "It's growing pains." / "Your leg hurts? Did you bang it on something?" / "Give it a few days. You'll feel better." The search for accommodation and validity is made even harder when doctors refuse to listen. Sadly, the medical system is not immune to being abelist. You can't request accommodations if doctors document you as able-bodied.

I have never claimed to be a voice for my community. I am a voice for nobody but myself. Maybe in sharing my Expirences, someone else can feel less alone. Or maybe this is unique to me alone.

Am I proud to be disabled?

I think that in some ways, yes. I am proud of what I have accomplished in spite of my health. I am proud that I have found tools to manage my health. I am proud to say I am a part of an amazing community such as the disabled community, and I am proud of what we've accomplished.

I dont think I am proud of the abelism, shame, or pain through. Im not sure anyone could be. If you are, I truly envy you. I am proud that despite the pain, I push forward. But I wonder if that's an unhealthy habit to encourage. To push my limits and ignore my body, screaming at me to give it rest.

This disability pride month, Im reflecting on my health and how it affects me, and taking the time to be patient with myself. Because Im doing all that I can, I do not need to hold myself to the standards that able-bodied people are held to. That is an impossible standard for me to reach.

Im going to celebrate the small victories. This time last year, I was passing out multiple times a week, and I overall had more tic attacks. Now, my fainting has been almost non-existent, and my tic attacks- while they do still happen - have noticeably been less frequent.

If you made it this far, please be kind to yourself, and happy disability pride month. You are allowed to be upset by the things your disability puts you through. You're doing the best you can. I see you, and Im proud of you.

[sm0kebreaks]

So like. As amazing at the tma has been about fat acceptance and love and has been absolutely vital to a lot of my self acceptance as a fat trans man, because this fandom actually talks about fat people (as opposed to other fandoms where fat characters and hcs are nonexistent), it means it’s also exposed me to the most and worst fatphobia of any fandom. I genuinely don’t even gaf about the actual discourse discussed in this fandom, it’s generally the people who negatively react to discourse of ppl complaining about fatphobia. The initial problems are usually ignorable to me, but it ends up bringing up peoples voices that make it incredibly clear what their true thoughts about fat ppl are. Idrk why I thought I should share this with you, ig just seeing if you have similar experiences.

I struggle here because i don't like to feel like i am attacking other artists. i'm a hater and i love to complain but i know i have my own short comings. but when it comes to the fatphobia in this fandom im always left not knowing how to talk about things because people will come to me and tell me why my complaint about someone thinning out a fat character is wrong or bad.

do keep in mind i dont really engage with the tma fandom as much i feel very much on the outskirts so this is jsut what i feel like i see on my end and i'm sure theres way more going on i simply dont know

in recent months we have had a newer influx of artists in the fandom who have come in with their own interpretations of the characters which is all fine and good. its jarring sometimes when we become so used to these formless characters looking a certain way that when new people enter the fandom with different ideas it feels wrong and like an attack.

the biggest issue has been people drawing a thinner martin. and while of course everyones welcome to their own interpretation and martin expressing that he's not exactly the smallest guy has multiple ways to be interpreted it is extremely frustrating to see people take that as giving him the most bare minimum extra weight. especially when having a fat character as desirable and as a love interest and such a Fun character is so far and few between

i could go on and on about how each time a popular artist posts a thin martin it gives everyone who looks up to them the excuse to do the same and it's why it's become such a prevalent thing lately. i don't think popular artists should have to worry about being good role models or anything in a fandom i think if youre making art you should do it for fun but it sucks to see when someone becomes so influential and are creating a problem. i deleted like three paragraphs on this alone so i'm going to move on.

i think what i see in the fandom most in regards to fatphobia is a skill issue. people don't know how to draw fat characters. but it also feels like people are barely trying. the artist i have in mind who i would consider to draw skinny martins DOES add a bit of roundness to him. i can aknowledge theyre doing SOMETHING. but you can't come to me and tell me that i can't criticize their art because culturally that's fat to them... like sure it could be. but it's also definitely a limitation of their art style and ability and instead of defending them and patting them on the back for doing good enough shouldnt we encourage people to grow and improve? what an amazing asset to be able to draw people of all size and variety. thats an AMAZING abillity to have in youre tool belt. i wish i had more resources for drawing bodyfat but unfortunately i do not. i have learned from looking at people and luckily having a lot of large loved ones in my life i've learned from as well as you know.. my own body to learn from. and learning to draw bodyfat and drawing characters i love with it has done wonders for my body dysmorphia.

i went on a rambling tangent and idk how coherent all of that is but the end point is that fatphobia sucks it has no place in this or any fandom and we need to practice our skills instead of erasing something that has made this fandom so wonderful to me.

here's some resources

[aquariumgirls]

TMNT AU COMP PRELIMS: ONRYŌ LEO AU PROPAGANDA!!! @tmntaucompetition

do you like: ANGST? HURT/COMFORT? MORALLY GREY MOTHER FIGURES? EXCEPTIONAL VIOLENCE, MAYBE?

THEN THE ONRYŌ LEO AU IS THE AU FOR YOU!

WATCH AS THIS TEENAGED TURTLE BECOMES A VENGEFUL SPIRIT, ALL AGAINST HIS WILL! WHAT WILL HE DO? HOW WILL HE COPE? WHO FUCKING KNOWS! (i sure dont)

NOW CONTAINING: MORAL DILLEMAS (is it cannibalism if i'm only half human?), BLOOD (that bright red sticky stuff! contains: iron), KITSUNE (you know, that one underutilized tmnt character? her?), AND MORE!

please read it i know its been almost two months since i updated but i prommy im still working on it ;;

(small ficlet under the cut!)

Leo was just minding his business, in the middle of painting Raph's nails when suddenly his form fizzled out like a glitch in the universe.

When he opened his eyes, he was in some sort of... Stadium? Maybe? There were so many other turtles around, all seeming to be different versions of him and his siblings. His form warped and shifted as panic rose up into his throat, only calmed by the feeling of Raph's hand upon his shoulder.

"Uhh, Leo? Where are we?"

Leo shrugged, closing the bottle of nail polish for the moment.

He heard a loud crash from somewhere far off, and he felt Raph flinch. He startled as well, neck snapping loudly as he found himself staring at the now nearly upside-down crowd.

A different version of him, a more /alive/ version glanced at him in horror.

A version of him and Donnie in fancy outfits simply waved.

"Nice scarves, guys! Probably should invest in one of those myself, huh? Might help with uh..." He motioned towards his very broken neck. "This whole situation. Mind givin' me a little help, Raphie?"

Raph simply sighed, presumably rolling her eyes before Leo felt his neck snap back into place. He rolled his shoulders, groaning.

"God, that never gets better. You'd think being dead would mean I'd stop getting sore!"

Raph snorted.

"I'm just glad ya stopped complainin' about your back for once. Makes you sound like Dad."

Leo gasped in fake offense.

"I am nothing like dad! /I/ don't have to do the congo to fix my back problems!"

Raph laughed a little louder.

"I don't think anythin' could fix what you got goin' back there, bro."

Leo hummed, deep in thought.

"Maybe if I fall off another roof it'll fix me!" He laughed, and Raph felt her heart twinge.

She's glad he can at least joke about it now, even if she'll never be able to.

Raph pushes the memory of Leo bleeding out in her arms away, and focuses on moving through the crowd to find a place to sit.

"You still gotta finish my nails, Leo!" She wiggles her nails in his face, giggling when he playfully snaps his beak at her.

"Yeah, yeah, I know! I'll finish 'em in a sec, O great Princess Raphie." He ends the sentence with a dramatic bow, nearly falling over with how hard he's laughing.

Raph smiles fondly at her little brother, his happiness contagious.

"Seriously though, where the hell are we?"

Leo just shrugs again.

"I dunno, probably some sort of uhh..." Leo finds a place to sit on the floor. "Some sort of competition? Maybe? Or like, a pageant or something."

He waves Raph over, patting the spot next to him excitedly.

"Now sit down! Your nails are gonna have to be /perfect/ for this!"

[jennilah]

For the saw ask!! 5, 11, 14 <3

5) A character you wish could have lived

there are many characters I wish I could watch an AU where they lived, but am generally not torn up that they had to die to move the plot forward because I thought the final story was compelling. but there is one character I really did not like seeing die for many reasons, and that was Jill :(

11) Thoughts on Saw VII

Saw 3D they cant make me hate you. i dont often dislike movies at all, actually. in most films, even widely hated ones, i like trying to find the positive. i can usually list at least one aspect i enjoyed & Saw 3D was no different.

I know theres some argument about how in-character some people were, but i dont like getting into that sort of thing. I dont want to dig into writers and script n shit that much, that reminds me too much of how I used to fandom. ugh, barf. thats taking things way too seriously for my taste now. Going into it, I had no idea about any of that, I was just thinking about how things progressed from the last film, right?

so whatever characters do, thats canon now. i just gotta deal w it and adapt my characterization accordingly whether i like it or not

so I explain things like Hoffman and Lawrence's behavior as simply losing what little humanity they had left. Listen. Like, the guys have been though an absolute hell of an experience in different ways, and spent a significant amount of time drinking John's kool-aid. He had a way with words and was a master manipulator.

Hoffman just spent the last four movies slowly spiraling further down and down into the hole he was digging himself in, i had no problem with him going full terminator in the end. He was off the deep end and his penchant for revenge reared its ugly head once again, and he couldn't be stopped. he was blinded by his own bad decisions and nobody could stop him- he killed them all. He was drunk with power and behaved at times like a cornered animal that snapped.

his slasher rampage made me fall in love with him, after all. it opened my eyes to him being more than just "boring cop jigsaw" (though my tune was starting to change by Saw VI)

Lawrence was recruited during likely another vulnerable position in his life, recovering from the trauma of the trap, likely also dealing with a divorce and more. Him returning to be an apprentice was fanfiction, but what can I say? I dont hate fanfiction movies. I like what apprentice!Lawrence has brought to the table in the grand scheme.

i also enjoy some of the campier sillier moments. Horsepower trap, my beloved

i dont love all of it. but idk. im forgiving w "bad films". very few are completely without any intriguing moments

14) Favorite trap

oh god this is so unbelievably hard to answer

the Horsepower trap has an absurdity to it that makes me laugh a lot. The Glass Coffin had my favorite characters & ship fodder.

I also really like the Nerve Gas House & Fatal Five but maybe more as like, a vibe and plotline? I guess those are "games" more than individual traps right?

maybe the Glass Coffin. i did make this, after all

[unitheuniverse]

Hello!♡

I was wondering if I could get a mystic messenger romantic matchup? I haven't seen anywhere that you don't take them in anymore but if that's the case feel free to ignore this♡

Im a 5'6 straight female and have shoulder length ash brown hair and dress mostly in the grunge or punk style(depends mostly where Im going and how much energy I have lol). Personality wise, Im rather social and talkative, striking up a convo with someone and talking about a wide range of topics isnt a problem for me. I tend to be really bold and confrontational when it comes to someone being rude to me or someone I'm close with and am not afraid to be physical is the situation requires it. Most of the time Im pretty nonchalant and prefer to take things with a calm approach. I would say I'm also really good at comforting people, reading their emotions and knowing what to tell them to make them feel better. I have strong morals and will never do something rude, spiteful or revengeful unless its in a very specific and extreme situation simply because I dont see the point in making anyones life harder than it already is most likely.

As for hobbies, I really enjoy reading(mostly classics and manga) and watching shows which mainly consist of sitcoms. I also enjoy taking walks outside or hiking and exploring nature and I always take my dog with me.

I don't really have a type, all of my exes have been vastly different people. The only thing I would have as a requirement is at least some level of emotional maturity and lots of patience.

That's it, have a nice day♡

Yes! My inbox is open. I wish I was able to just tag you but whatever.

With that being said, I match you with…

Hyun “Zen” Ryu

⟡ Emotionally Mature???? In this game???? What’s next, you want me to catch a shooting star for you? /j

⟡ Okay, all jokes aside, I do believe that Zen in many ways actually fits you.

⟡ Zen is probably the most emotionally intelligent and mature out of the cast. Mainly due to the fact he is one of the few characters actually willing to process how he is feeling and what he is feeling. He is aware of his own self esteem, he is aware of the poor treatment his family forced him through, and reacted accordingly.

⟡ Does he have issues with his self esteem and image? Absolutely. However, is he also aware of the issues the rest of the cast has? Yes absolutely.

⟡ He is actively encouraging the rest of the cast to get better, handle their emotions better, and stop side stepping them through their own guilty pleasures.

⟡ So with that said, let’s talk about how he is with you.

⟡ Considering the both of you are super talkative and sociable; I wouldn’t be surprised if the two of you just hit it off. You guys just absolutely fill up the chat with just talking about random stuff. Bouncing from topic to topic almost on a dime. Though, this wouldn’t be Zen without him flirting with you a bit.

⟡ Oh who am I kidding, he flirts with you a lot.

⟡ So you flirt and tease back. Considering the both of you just enjoy each other’s conversations and company. It isn’t really out of the ordinary for the both of you to just bounce off of each other. He often jokes about the height difference between the two of you. Which he won’t let up.

⟡ Then, Zen starts to catch feelings.

⟡ Okay, at first it wasn’t really that noticeable. He keeps the pictures you sent on his phone. I mean, you did have such a beautiful style, with clothes that seem really relaxed and maybe show your tastes.

⟡ He will start reading in his free time, yeah maybe it’s a bit nerdy but if you think it’s good then there has to be something about it that is interesting. Maybe watch a few sitcoms while he isn’t working on his acting career.

⟡ It was the Sitcoms that made him realize he was in love with you. It was like just everything made sense in that moment. You can almost hear it click into his brain as he looks towards the TV. It’s glow softly reflecting on his face, causing a slight tint.

⟡ Zen loved you.

⟡ With this information, he tries to ask you out bluntly. To the point where you think he is jokingly flirting with you, like he always does. It just took you back a bit.

⟡ The relationship you have with Zen is interesting to say the least.

⟡ Of course you had to deal with the fact that Zen is a minor celebrity. So often he’d come home late to just fall into you. His speech slurred a bit from exhaustion.

⟡ Hikes are a must. The three of you, your dog included, often go up hiking trails and long winding roads. Smelling the nature as you can hear the chittering of birds.

⟡ He would often try to get you to wear his clothes, like to put his jacket on or something. Bonus points if it’s like, raining, and Zen tries that cover someone else with your jacket thing, yeah that.

⟡ Pet names. They are a guarantee.

⟡ That teasing doesn’t go away by the way. He’d often take pictures of you and save them on his phone. Even if it’s just something a bit embarrassing.

⟡ Date nights consist of late night sitcoms and cuddling. The both of you on the couch slowly holding each other under the blanket as you can hear the laugh track in the background.

Zen had a hard time of practice today. Especially considering it was for a special musical he was going to be apart of. So you weren’t really surprised when the moment he got home he fell into your arms.

He slowly runs his fingers through your hair. The ash brown turning an almost black from the darkness, with a tiny light from the TV lighting the both of you.

His tired eyes flicker for just a moment as he looks to you.

“I love you.”

His lips slowly interlocking with yours.

8.29.24