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vanteguccir · 2 months

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Academic Validation | Chris Sturniolo

Chris Sturniolo x reader

Summary: Amid relentless academic pressure, Y/N finds herself consumed by the desperate pursuit of perfection in her college. Her obsession with validation leads her to neglect her own basic needs until a sudden accident forces her to confront the reality of her situation, receiving the complete help and support of her boyfriend, Chris.

Warning: Comparison, crying, dark thoughts, fainting.

Requested?: Yes, by @sturniolowhore

Author's note: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism, copy, or "inspiration"! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

Y/N sat at her desk in the corner of her shared room with Chris, surrounded by mountains of books, papers, and her laptop, whose screen glowed brightly in the semi-darkness of the room. The clock on the wall showed 2 a.m., but for her, time had lost all meaning.

The sound of Chris' light snores, who was sleeping soundly in the bed just a few meters away from the girl, sounded muffled against her ears. She had tried to sleep, really, but sleep wouldn't come at all, and when Y/N was sure that her boyfriend had finally slept, she was able to get up.

Her mind was totally immersed in study. Every cell in her body focused on absorbing every detail of the laws, the precedent cases, and the doctrines. She was obsessed with academic validation, an incessant compulsion to be the best in her law school, not because she wanted to be better than others, but to show herself that she was capable of something.

The pressure to achieve excellence was overwhelming. Every time a score was posted, her heart raced in anticipation, and each less-than-perfect mark was a stab at her already fragile self-esteem.

Y/N never felt like she was enough, no matter how hard she worked or how well she did. There was always that underlying fear of not being good enough, of not living up to other people's expectations and, even worse, her own unrealistically high expectations.

Days and nights melted into a haze of books and coffee as she sank deeper and deeper into her quest for perfection. She found herself studying until the early hours of the morning, neglecting her basic needs.

Eating had become a sporadic activity, limited to quick and insufficient snacks. Drinking water was a luxury she couldn't afford to waste time on. Taking a shower or even going out to get some sun was completely out of the question.

Her body began to show signs of abandonment, her eyes sunken and tired, her skin pale and lifeless. The dark circles that adorned her face were like badges of honor, marking the sleepless nights and days of incessant study.

But Y/N ignored all the signs.

She was determined not to be overcome by her own limits, even if it meant sacrificing her physical and mental health in the process.

Chris, worried, tried in vain to bring a little normality to her life. He watched from afar every day, helpless in the face of the web of obsession that enveloped Y/N.

He would try to talk to her, sometimes even begging Matt to do so - his brother had a way with words, but she would always evade it, sinking deeper into her bubble of study and self-denial.

Y/N didn't want to worry him, didn't want to admit she was losing control. She was determined to face this battle alone, no matter the cost.

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

The clock on the wall read almost 9 pm of a Tuesday, and Y/N was still locked in her shared room with Chris, immersed in a sea of books and papers. Her desk was a chaotic mess, with crumpled papers and several tabs open on Google on her laptop, each representing a different subject that she was desperately trying to absorb. Her hand hurt from writing so much, her eyes burned from reading so much, and her body was weak from the time she had spent there.

Chris entered the room for the fifth time that day, carrying a glass of water in one hand and a pink plate with a simple sandwich in the other. His heart sank when he saw Y/N's state, her tense and exhausted expression, her almost obsessive determination to continue studying, ignoring everything else.

His blue eyes traveled across the mess of the table slowly, noticing the plate of Y/N's favorite cookies, which he had brought hours earlier, still untouched, and he swore he felt his heart break again.

"Hi babe... Here, you need to eat something." The boy approached cautiously, trying not to scare her. His voice sounded softly, showing her the plate with the sandwich.

Y/N looked down at the ceramic, her tired eyes reflecting a mix of stubbornness and exhaustion.

"I... I need to keep studying." She murmured, shaking her head, her voice weak and shaky. "I have an important test, Chris. I can't stop now."

Chris felt a wave of frustration and anger rise up inside him. He knew how important that test was for Y/N - and all the others she studied incessantly, but he also knew that she was pushing her limits. He refused to stand by and watch as she destroyed herself.

“Y/N, you can’t go on like this.” He insisted, his voice rising slightly with urgency. "You need to rest, you need to eat, you need to do something besides studying!"

"I can't, Chris. I can't stop now. I need to..." Y/N shook her head determinedly, keeping her blurry eyes fixed on the papers in front of her.

Chris sighed heavily, dropping the plate and cup onto the wooden surface with a thud, his own frustration spilling over into angry tears.

“You’re destroying yourself, Y/N.” He murmured, his voice choked by the weight of his own emotions. "And I can't stand here and watch it anymore."

With that, Chris turned and left the room, leaving a very lost Y/N behind, her teeth biting her lower lip hard in an attempt to stop her feelings from taking over herself, an atmosphere full of tension and despair taking over the environment.

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Then came the day when her body finally said enough was enough.

It was 2 a.m., and Y/N was sitting at her desk as usual when a wave of exhaustion hit her with full force. She felt dizzy, her vision blurred, and her hands shook uncontrollably. The world around her seemed to fall apart as she fought to stay conscious.

The girl gripped the edge of the wooden surface tightly, trying to stabilize herself, but the force used was almost nil, her fingers sliding across the table and her arms falling limply. Her senses gradually disappeared, causing her body to bend to the right until she completely collapsed, escaping the safety of the chair.

The sound of Y/N's body hitting the floor made Chris jump out of bed in instant fright. The boy sat up abruptly, his sleep-clouded eyes traveling around the room in search of the source of the rude sound. His heart raced with panic when he saw his girlfriend lying on the floor, motionless.

Chris ripped the blanket off his body, quickly standing up and running to her, ignoring his own confusion and worry flooding his mind.

"Y/N! Y/N, baby, wake up!" He shouted, desperate, as he knelt beside her, pushing the pink gaming chair away.

With shaking hands, he checked her breathing and pulse, relieved to find that she was still breathing. Carefully, Chris turned her onto her side, briefly remembering when Nick told him that this was the correct procedure to do when a person suddenly passed out. His wide blue eyes ran frantically over her body as he silently counted the seconds in his mind.

Relief flooded him as he saw Y/N begin to regain consciousness, her eyes blinking slowly as she tried to understand where she was.

"Chris? What... what happened?" She murmured, her voice weak and her brow furrowed in confusion, her right hand rising from its limp position and reaching towards her head, pressing against the side, a pained expression spreading across her face.

Chris ignored her question momentarily, lowering himself to her level and pulling her into a hug tightly, sighing deeply as he repeated in his mind that she was there, alive and fine.

"You passed out, sweetheart. I heard the noise and... Oh God, Y/N, I thought you had..." The tears - which the boy barely noticed coming into his eyes - began to flow freely down his cheeks, his heart aching at the thought of the possibility of losing her.

His thoughts self-sabotaged him, making him feel guilty, he felt that he should have realized sooner - despite all the countless attempts to try to bring her out of her bubble, that he should have done something to prevent her from getting to that extreme point.

Y/N slowly sat up with the support of Chris's hands after he backed away, still feeling weak and bewildered.

Upon hearing her boyfriend's words, she felt her own eyes fill with tears, the accumulated emotions overflowing into a torrent of anguish and despair.

"I'm sorry, babe. Fuck- I'm so sorry. I... I can't do this anymore, Chris." A sob escaped her throat roughly, her voice choked with crying. "I'm destroying myself because of my own expectations. I... I don't know what to do anymore." She whispered, lowering her gaze to the ground, trapping her lower lip between her teeth in an attempt to stop the ugly sounds that wanted to escape in an avalanche. "Oh my God, I hurt you."

Chris held her gently, pulling her to lay her head on his shoulder, cradling her in his arms like a baby while they were still on the floor, unburdening herself of all her worries and fears. He listened intently to her ranting, his heart clenched by the pain Y/N was facing alone.

“Hey, hey, baby, don't do this to yourself. You’re not alone in this, Y/N.” Chris murmured, gently kissing the top of her head. "I'm here, always have been and always will be. I promise we'll get through this, love."

"I'm so sorry, Chris." The girl murmured, lifting her gaze from the ground and focusing on the brunette's orbs, wondering how he still allowed himself to love and help her so much, even after causing him such worries and fear.

Chris shook his head, silently reassuring her that everything was fine. He pulled his girl's pink chair towards them, slowly lifting himself so as not to hurt her and sitting on the plush seat, before guiding Y/N onto his lap, sitting her sideways on his thighs and laying her face on his shoulder, his mind working hard to come up with an idea to help Y/N find a healthy balance between her academic aspirations and her personal well-being.

"Why don't we establish a more realistic study plan, hm? With time to rest and all the self-care that will be good for you, I'll help you." The brunette whispered, looking down anxiously, hoping she could understand his point. "We can also seek professional help, a therapist, who will help you deal with your emotions and anxieties. If you want, I can participate in all the sessions with you."

Y/N looked at Chris with gratitude in her teary eyes. She knew it wouldn't be an easy journey, but with Chris's loving support by her side, she felt a spark of hope light up in her heart.

"Would you do that for me?" Her voice came out in a broken whisper, her heart warming at his sweet words.

"I'll be right by your side, my love. Always." Chris responded without blinking.

He lowered his head, sealing the top of Y/N's hair for long seconds, stroking the area with his nose lightly. His hands wrapped tightly around her body, keeping her secure in his lap and against his own body, before beginning to draw invisible circles with his fingers against her covered back.

"Sleep, sweet girl. I'll be here when you wake up. Everything will be alright."

༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

My asks are always open. My requests are closed at the moment since I have many to work in, but you can always send questions or simply talk to me 🩷💋

And remember to treat people with kindness always!

~ taglist:

@lustfulslxt @ladybunny44 @worldlxvlys @earth2starkey @remussbitch @freshloveforthefit @il0vebeingdelulu @sturniolowhore @mimi-luvzyu @alorsxsturn @urfavgirllyyyyy @domizzzsstuff @sturnizd @hearts4chriss @cupidzsq @dracoflaco @leah-loves-lilies @tylerthecreatorsrealwife @rootbeerworshiper @junnniiieee07 @elliesturniolo1 @sstvrnioloo @lightsgore @gidgett11037 @sturniolho @ksskianshd @ccolleenn @sturniolo-lover1317 @soimightlikeoldmen69 @hrtyjy @ldr-sl0t @breeloveschris @bellasfavbisexual @its-jennarose @sainzzsturns @ecliphttlunar @thebottledwatersupplier @soso-scarlettolivia @maryx2xx @sturnolio-luvs @bitchydragonparadise @lvrsturn @freshsturns @h3arts4harry

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perlelune · 5 months

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Oxytocin | Coriolanus Snow | iv.

One act of kindness from a peacekeeper may be your salvation or your doom. Possibly both.

Warnings: NON-CON, Blackmail, District 8 Reader, Stalking, Kidnapping

This is a dark story. Heed warnings before reading under the cut.

𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘 𝖒𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙

A smile blooms on your lips as you watch Tilly play hopscotch with her friend near the street. Snow’s melted enough this morning to be able to draw chalk patterns on the cobblestones. The young girl woke up excited to enjoy the day. And while you’re nowhere as thrilled, seeing the joy and life return to her gaze is more than enough for you.

The little girls’ buoyant laughs fill the street and you let yourself bask in the moment. It’s rare that you get time to yourself lately. Your shifts at the factory take up most of your time. And you’ve been spreading yourself thin, hoping to keep concerns at bay by remaining busy. White wisps surround you as you blow a long breath. You readjust your scarf and rub your gloved hands. Cold air seeps through the tiny holes in your gloves. You’ll need to stay after hours on your next shift to mend them. Perhaps you could even purloin enough throwaway remnants of wool to make Tilly a new pair. She’ll soon outgrow hers.

Besides, her health might have improved for now, but you never stop worrying about her catching another cold, one that might be deadlier than the last.

Lost in contemplation, you draw a sharp breath when an object drops from the sky onto your lap. Your eyes widen as you lower them. A pair of knitted gloves rests in your lap. They’re clearly brand new and the wool quality is unlike anything you’ve ever laid eyes on. You can tell from the thickness and vibrancy of the twining threads. You’re tempted to give it a brush with your fingertips, revel in the warmth oozing from the fabric. But you refrain.

“I don’t want that,” you snap, whipping your head up.

A towering, lanky frame clad in the peacekeeper’s signature blue uniform fills your sight.

You toss the gloves at him and he catches them with a deep sigh. He sits near you on the steps. The hairs on the back of your neck bristle with his proximity, his broad shoulder grazing yours as he turns to study you.

You shiver as his gaze runs along your frame. You don’t look at him. You don’t want to. You’ve done your best to forget about him these last few weeks, even if his ever-lurking presence is hard to ignore. Whatever you do, wherever you are, he’s never hovering too far away.

He seizes your hands, forcefully slipping the gloves on your frostbitten fingers.

“Come on, you’re freezing,” he says. Your lips tighten as you meekly comply. Arguing with the peacekeeper has never worked in your favor. So why even try? You let him put the gloves on you, cursing the comfort you feel when the warm fabric hugs your fingers. An absent thought drifts in your head as you admire the wool. You never owned anything this nice. The quality evokes the clothes that usually head straight to the Capitol.

All the nice things go to them first while District dwellers beg for scraps.

Coriolanus leans back, his large hands spreading over his knees. His stance is far too relaxed for your taste and you shrink further on your side of the narrow stairs.

As his icy blue orbs settle on your cousin and her friend, you tense.

“She seems to be doing well. I’m assuming the medicine helped,” he notes, smugness oozing from his words. His attention scorches your skin as you pointedly evade his stare. You loathe the satisfaction he draws from this. More leverage to use against you. More opportunities to make you feel small, helpless.

“What are you doing here?” you curtly ask.

His small chuckle makes your stomach coil.

“Is this any way to greet a friend?” His tone becomes light, playful. “Especially one that comes bearing gifts?”

Your brows knit. “Friends…”

Hot air tickles your earshell as he bends over you, whispering, “The closest of friends.”

Your heart skips a beat.

He grabs your chin, angling your face towards his. A shuddered breath leaves your lips as stark blue eyes drink you in. “Really birdie, not even a smile? Come now.”

You nudge a tremulous smile onto your lips.

His thumb grazes your trembling bottom lip as his mouth twists skyward. “Better,’ he praises quietly.

A winning glint sways in his eyes and your stomach lurches.

“Hi!”

Tilly’s cheerful voice shatters the moment. Coriolanus releases you and relief billows inside your chest.

He beams at the young girl, replying in a similar tone, “Hi.”

Your young cousin bounces on her feet, excitement rounding her gaze as she admires the peacekeeper. Your frown deepens at the exchange.

“I’m Tilly,” she announces solemnly, offering her hand to shake.

Coriolanus laughs as he takes it, mirth lighting up his handsome face.

“I know. I know all about you.” A mix of shock and awe decorates the young girl’s features with that information, as if the peacekeeper knowing anything about her was the most extraordinary thing in the world. “I’m a friend of your cousin. My name’s Coriolanus.”

“Coriolanus,” she repeats, as if mesmerized by the sound of his name alone.

“Here. I have something for you,” he says.

He reaches inside the pocket of his uniform and pulls out a bag. Your cousin jumps, her eyes sparkling with joy when he hands it to her.

“Candy!” she exclaims.

Your face pinches at the sight of the colorful sweets in the bag. These aren’t easy to acquire.

“Tilly…”

“What?”

The young girl’s expression is dejected as she looks at you, almost like she can sense your disapproval and is preparing to return the gift. Your shoulder sag. You don’t have it in you to refuse her this small sliver of delight.

You shake your head and smile.

“Nothing.” You hunker in front of her. “We should go back inside.”

“But I want to play…” she pouts.

“You have chores. And Coriolanus…” Your eyes lift to him. Amusement hasn’t left his expression. “is very busy.”

He doesn’t say anything as you shove your cousin inside the house. He lingers by the door and you fidget beneath his heavy stare.

“I’m guessing you have…somewhere to be.”

His gaze drags over you as a small smile dances on his lips.

“Yes, I hear I’m very busy,” he teases. Shock fills you when he leans to brush his mouth against your cool cheek. “See you soon, birdie,” he mumbles, his deep voice making your stomach flutter.

You’re relieved when he finally leaves. You chase away the peculiar sensation his closeness sparked as you shut the door.

You don’t get time to collect yourself, your little cousin immediately asking, “Is he your boyfriend?”

The pitch of your voice goes high with shock.

“What? Are you crazy?”

Tilly frowns. “But I saw him kissing you.”

Heat nestles in your cheeks. Maybe from an outsider’s perspective, Coriolanus’ closeness could be misinterpreted, the peacekeeper perpetually crowding your space despite your reluctance. Still, you can’t believe it’s what the little girl thinks from looking at the two of you.

It couldn’t be further from the truth.

Every fiber of your being burns with hatred for him.

“No, we weren’t. It wasn’t…” you sputter, your embarrassment cresting as the excitement in your cousin’s eyes doesn’t dwindle. “He wasn’t kissing me. We were just talking.”

“About girlfriend and boyfriend stuff,” she insists.

You sigh. You approach her and grip her shoulders.

“Tilly, I need you to promise me something.”

She blinks up at you. “Yes?”

You crouch before her so you’re at eye level.

“You need to stay away from peacekeepers.”

She purses her mouth, glancing down at the bag of candy.

“Yes, but Coriolanus…he was nice to me.”

Your stomach sinks.

“Well, Coriolanus isn’t like the others.”

She nods in understanding. You’re glad she doesn’t ask any further questions. You wouldn’t know how to begin to explain your relationship with him.

Not in any way that makes sense at least.

For a fortnight, you don’t see much of him. You bask in the tranquility of your usual routine, going back and forth, from home to work, and preparing to celebrate the end of the year with your cousin. It won’t be lavish, of course, but you’re hoping to save up enough from your wages to get Tilly a teddy and perhaps even a toy this year.

While most of your family has passed away, you want to cherish the things you still have. Perhaps you can even create new memories for your cousin, happier memories. She has been bedridden for months now and it’ll be the first holiday she’ll get to truly enjoy as a healthy, normal child.

He appears again as you’re working your usual shift, casually switching places with another guard. While you pointedly avoid looking in his direction, you feel the weight of his unwavering eyes, watching you as always.

Still, you diligently weave the silk on your loom. Your attention cannot stray. One mistake and the fabric will be ruined.

“Your shadow’s there,” Yara notes from her station right next to yours.

Your eyes flick upward briefly as you nod.

“Yeah.”

Silence hangs in the air a while before your friend speaks again.

“It doesn’t seem to bother you that much.”

You shrug. “I’m getting used to it.”

Her eyes land on the gloves peeking from the pocket of your long skirt.

“By the way, I meant to ask…Is that from him?”

You hesitate a little before begrudgingly admitting, “Yes.”

She moves her head in acknowledgement.

“I see, gifts now.”

Stepping on the treadle to slow down the motion of your loom, you snap your head to Yara.

There was something in her tone just then, an implication you didn’t like.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

She shakes her head and scoffs, “It’s just interesting, is all.”

“My hands were cold,” you defend.

“You could have thrown them away. I made my own. It’s what we do every year. Make our own.” Her gaze locks with yours. Licking her lips, she seems to mull over something before she asks, “Is there something going on between you two? I mean other than what I already know.”

Your face grows hot.

“There is nothing.”

She studies you for a few minutes before turning her focus back to her loom.

“Right,” she says.

Your annoyance mounting, you give the treadle a vigorous push and start weaving faster.

You let your friend’s prickly comments fade somewhere in the back of your mind. You have no desire to explore this dangerous line of thought any further.

There is indeed nothing going on between you and the peacekeeper. You keep repeating it to yourself as your fingers assemble the threads as if your life depended on it.

It helps you ignore the way your blood races in your veins.

Relief fills you when your shift ends. Tension built in your body and firmly remained since Yara began questioning you. You can still feel it in the stiffness in your limbs, the heaviness in your chest. You make haste as you dart across the hallways, eager to return home.

Your escape is halted by a pair of strong arms pulling you in a dark corner of the factory.

You look up at him through wide eyes. That teasing smile you’ve grown all too familiar with decorates his lips.

“Why the rush, sweet bird?”

“Coriolanus…” You step back from him. “Can’t you just leave me be, just once?”

He approaches you, forcing you to shrink against the wall. He cages you, his hands on each side of you as he drinks you in. You dip your head, overwhelmed with the scent of roses washing over you.

“I can’t actually.” Warmth swirls in your belly as his tone lowers. “Look at me.” He puts two fingers below your chin to angle it upward. His eyes narrow. “You’re upset.”

“Just had a long day,” you elude with a shrug.

He scrutinizes you. Your mouth quakes, his silence unnerving you.

After some time, he finally announces, “I’m getting discharged soon.”

“Oh, where?”

“I’m getting sent back to the Capitol.”

You gape at him. That’s not what you expected to hear. Though you surmise it makes sense, with him being around less. A strange mix of feelings surges inside your chest. But mostly, relief, freedom. You’ll be able to breathe properly again, without the uneasy attention of the peacekeeper tailing you everywhere you go.

Though you try not to let your emotions show. You give a tilted smile.

“Isn’t that a good thing? You get to go home, return to your life.”

His knuckles sweep over the apple of your cheek.

“Well…I’ll miss some things about District 8.”

You clear your throat. “I should get back home.”

“Meet me tonight,” he says bluntly.

“What for?”

His eyes darken, running over your trembling frame. His thumb skims over your bottom lip.

“I’m leaving. We should celebrate, just the two of us.”

You swallow the lump in your throat. You truly hoped to avoid…colliding with the peacekeeper again, in any way, but you suppose it was inevitable. One way or another, he’d have asked for more of you, simply because he could. Your fate is in his hands after all. He could easily make your life here hell just by whispering in the right ears.

Still, you can’t help voicing a feeble protest.

“Is that necessary?”

His eyes flare with danger. Your breath snags as he grips your jaw, his fingers digging painfully into your cheeks. Your pulse thrums beneath his palm.

“I don’t want to be mean to you right now, so don’t make me.” Though his tone is soft, his expression is harsh and inflexible. “Just do as I say.”

You give a shaky nod.

“S-See you tonight.”

He releases your face and you take a deep breath. His crooked smile is wide and victorious as he hops away from you.

“I look forward to it, sweet bird.”

You put a hand on your chest as he disappears, willing your thundering heart to slow down. You find comfort in a single thought. At least, after tonight, you will finally be rid of the peacekeeper.

#dark!coriolanus snow #coriolanus snow x reader #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #tbosas fanfiction #dark!coriolanus snow x reader #hunger games #coriolanus snow

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chicago-pd-is-weird · 2 months

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Jay Halstead x Fem!Reader

TW: main theme of eating disorders, reader has a panic attack

Requested by: @sorry-i-spaced

You walked into the bullpen, settling down at your desk for the day. You'd gotten there fairly early, early enough to be the only one there, aside from Adam. Seeing as he'd been having issues at home, he seemed to spend more and more time at work. You nodded to him. "Hey Adam, good morning."

"Morning, (Y/N)," he responded, humming as he looked up from the computer. "You're in early."

You shrugged. "I could say the same thing about you." You shook your head, getting logged on to the computer and working on some reports you had in your desk tray.

A few moments later, Adam scoffed at something on his computer, making your eyes jump up to him. He looked to you. "You see these new dieting trends?"

You took in a short breath, but shook your head, trying to play it off as you looked back down. "No, I don't follow that stuff."

Anymore.

Sometimes you missed it, in a way. You didn't miss the suffering, the growl of your empty belly, or the feeling of eating only lettuce for lunch. But you missed feeling skinny. You missed being able to fit in a size 2 pant and an XS tshirt. You missed getting compliments, people asking if you'd lost weight, and bonding with people over it. It was so unhealthy, and yet, you'd made multiple 'friends' that way.

"It says here a juice clense and intermittent fasting can help you lose twenty pounds within a month. That's insane!" Adam laughed.

"Yeah," you mumbled, trying to seem as disinterested as possible. You remembered all of your therapy techniquies, trying to calm yourself down and tune Adam out. He dropped it for a while, just scoffing at his computer every now and then as he seemed to deep-dive on some articles. Obviously, he had too much time on his hands. You wished Voight was there to assign the man some work.

An hour or so later, the others started to pile in. Hailey arrived and so did Antonio, the two of them chatting about boxing or something of the like. You hadn't really been paying attention, until Adam spoke up again. "Hey, guys, look what we found earlier."

We? No, not we. You.

You huffed, trying not to let Adam get to you. It was just a touchy subject. It wasn't his fault, he didn't know, but it hurt you nevertheless. You just wanted the conversation to be over.

"Juice clense and fasting?" Antonio shook his head. "Nah, they got it all wrong. If you're going to diet, you have to go Keto."

"Antonio, that's so 2009," Adam mocked, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, Laura was on it for a while," he shrugged. "I think she lost a few pounds, but she gave it up after a while. It's hard to just cut out certain things."

"How about we cut out this conversation?" You growled from your desk, not looking up. "Bad for your health."

"Yo, (Y/N), what's your problem?" Adam asked, all three of them looking to you. "Not like we're actually doing it. Just talking."

"Yeah, well, some people do it. It's not funny, either." You looked up with the hardest glare you could muster, hoping your eyes weren't glossed over with tears.

Hailey, who hadn't truly joined the conversation until now, looked to Adam. "She's right, you shouldn't even be looking at that stuff at work. They're all gossip articles." She shrugged and moved to her own desk to get busy. Anotnio went to his own desk too, leaving Adam alone with your glare.

Jay walked in just a moment after, looking around at the silence in the bullpen, then sitting at his own desk. Kim and Kevin soon followed suit, walking in and chatting about some new trend on TikTok. You ignored everyone, just keeping your head down and finishing your case reports. Then, you went to the bathroom. When you came back, you could hear Adam talking to Hailey about you, wondering what was the issue.

Since you'd been dating Jay, Hailey had become like a sister to you. Hailey was practically ignoring Adam's asks. "Come on, Hailey, what's her problem today? She's been grumpy since she came in. Jay? Did you not satify her last night or something?"

"That's enough, Adam," Hailey huffed, shaking her head. "I don't know what's going on, but it's obviously none of our business if she didn't tell us. Drop it."

"Adam, dude, shut up for once in your life," Jay chimed in, shaking his head. "Just let it be. If you pissed her off, she'll come talk to you later."

"Dude, what did I do? All I wanted was to make conversation," Adam huffed. "Why did she come in so early anyways, huh? Did you piss her off first and she's taking it out on me?"

Jay stood from his desk. "Alright, shut up right now, Ruzek, or I'll lay you out in the middle of the bullpen."

Adam stood from his desk, huffing. "Yeah, I'd like to see you try, Halstead."

"Alright, that's enough," Antonio said, standing himself. "I'll lay the both of you out on your asses if you don't both sit down and shut up." He shook his head. "Ruzek, why don't you go check on this?" Finally, someone had found Ruzek something to do. You thanked your lucky stars Antonio was there. He had always stood up for you, even if you weren't close friends. Antonio handed Adam a paper with about twenty names. "Take Kevin with you."

Kevin looked up. "Hey, what did I do to deserve that?"

"Nothing," Anotnio said with a shrug. "It's not a punishment for you. Just go, now."

The two men looked at one another, then left together down the stairs. You sighed in soft relief, still standing against the doorway back into the bullpen. You looked at the four people left, nodding as Hailey met your gaze. You sat back down at your desk as if nothing had happened. You were relieved not only to have some peace and quiet, but to have the instigator removed. Adam wasn't a bad guy, but he was definitely still immature, being practically the youngest on the team. He didn't know how to pick up on social cues the way Hailey or Antonio did. It was his biggest downfall.

Some time later, Voight came into the office, having been at a ComStat meeting all morning. He looked around, seeing the silence, then hummed as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "So, I'm two officers down and the rest of you are silent? What's going on?"

Antonio looked up. "I sent them out to drop anchor on some streets we suspect trafficking patterns run through. Do we have a case?"

"No," Voight said, humming and looking to you, Jay, Hailey, and Kim. "What about the rest of you?"

"Finishing some reports, Sarge," Jay said, motioning to the stack on his desk.

"I'm helping with that," Hailey confirmed.

"Filing," Kim said from the filing cabinets near Antonio.

"I just finished my reports a few mintures ago," you said with a shrug. "If there's anything I can help with, let me know."

Voight hummed, then nodded and walked through to his office, motioning Antonio with him. The two shut the office door and talked, but they couldn't be heard behind the wood and glass encasing Voight's desk. You hummed and moved over to Jay's desk. "Need another hand?"

Jay hummed. "No, I think we've got it." Kim moved past the two of you to hit the restroom, leaving you and Jay and Hailey in the bullpen alone. "You okay?" Jay asked softly. "Listen, I know with this morning and everything, and I don't know what Ruzek did but-"

"It's fine," you cut him off with a soft sigh. You hadn't wanted conversation, you'd wanted work.

"It doesn't seem fine," Jay protested, putting a gentle hand on yours. "And about this morning-"

"You wouldn't understand," you mumbled, pulling your hand away. You didn't want to talk about the morning or about Adam. You just wanted to distract yourself.

Jay thought for a moment, ready to protest before realization washed over his face. "Oh... Did Adam say something about your body?"

"No, no, he..." You sighed. "It's fine. It's all fine, Jay."

"He was talking about some new diet fads or something," Hailey chimed in softly, meeting Jay's eyes and giving him a look.

Jay nodded to Hailey, then looked back to you. "You sure you don't want to talk about it?"

You shook your head and went back to your desk, trying to work on your therapy techniques again, then left your desk to go to the locker room without a word.

"(Y/N)," Jay said softly, a soft hand placed on your cheek. He ran his thumb over your cheekbone, which was fairly prominent. You pulled away slightly.

"S-Stop, you'll ruin my makeup."

"You don't need the makeup or the diet. You are beautiful."

"You'll never understand, Jay. Society just doesn't treat men the same way." You sighed wiping the tears from your eyes as you pulled on the pants. You'd been trying to get into the size 0 pants for as long as you could remember, and it was frustrating you that you couldn't get them completely on or buttoned.

"This isn't healthy for you, (Y/N). You don't need to be a size 0 to earn my love."

You let out a scream of frustration when you couldn't pull the pants up all the way. "Fuck! I'm just not losing enough weight!"

"(Y/N), please, please listen to me," Jay begged, walking over and prying your hands off the jeans. "This isn't healthy. You're not healthy. Please, stop trying to be like this. I love you, and I always will no matter what. You could be a size 100 and I would still love you."

You clung to the jeans like they were your life force, but when Jay finally got your hands off them, you hit his chest, then clung to him, sinking into his arms and to the ground. He knelt with you, holding you tightly to his chest, stroking your hair and rocking you slowly.

"I hate myself..." you mumbled. "I hate my body... I'm not skinny enough..."

"That's not true," Jay whispered in reply. "Your body doesn't define who you are... Running ten miles a day and starving yourself isn't healthy. If you don't stop, you won't have a body to hate, and I won't have anyone to give my love to."

You sobbed into his shoulder, still clenching fistfulls of his shirt. Finally, he coaxed you out of the state you were in, took the pants off you, and helped you into some sweatpants that were a size 4, which were big on you at that point. He picked you up with concerning ease and took you to the living room, settling you down and kissing your face. A bit later, he brought in some food he'd made, some chicken and gravy and biscuts with vegetables mixed in. Then, he sat beside you and handed you a small plateful. As much as he wanted to give you a normal or even large portion, he knew it wouldn't be right. He knew you had to start small. "Here," he said softly.  "You don't have to eat all of it, but can you please at least eat a few bites?"

You sighed, but nodded. Jay had been so gentle with you and never really frustrated. He hadn't seen how bad it was until you'd started dating a few weeks back. It hurt him to see you like this, you could see it in his eyes, but you didn't know any different. High school had ruined you, and you'd been spiraling out of control since then. You took a bite of the delicious food Jay had made. You had to force yourself to do it, but the smile that came to his face when you did was more than enough to get you to take another. You loved him, truly, and wanted to get better, for him.

You sighed as you sat in the locker room, trying to keep yourself from crying too loudly. It had gotten to you. You now wore a size 8, and were in a generally healthy state. Sometimes you'd forget to eat or skip meals because you were working, but Jay always made sure to catch you if that happened.

You were terrified now, because the fight that morning had really hurt you and then you'd taken it out on Adam. It wasn't his fault, but he had triggered a fight or flight within you. You swallowed hard and tried to breathe, feeling a panic attack coming on. You moved to the wall shakily and sat down, just in case you passed out. You tried to control your breathing, breaking out into sobs.

"(Y/N), it's been forever since we had a night out. Come on, let me take you out to a fancy restaurant or something."

"Jay, I hate fancy restaurants." You rolled your eyes with a small huff. "What's wrong with having a night in?"

"We just go to work and come home. We never go out together."

"We go to Molly's all the time. More than I'd like to. I'm practically an alcoholic because of you, and it makes me gain more weight." You huffed and turned from the counter to look at him. "I never drank before I met you. Now we're there like every other night. Sometimes more."

"Well, yeah, because we never go anywhere or do anything. I can't be cooped up all the time."

You shrugged. "Then go out and do things. I don't see the problem."

"The problem is I'm not doing them with you. I want to do things with you, (Y/N)."

“And you know I hate going out. People look at me funny.”

“No they don’t!” Jay raised his voice at you. “And even if they were, you know I’m here for you! I’d never let anyone get away with hurting you!”

“Jay!” You yelled, huffing again. “I’m too fat to ever look good going out! I don’t want to go to some fancy restaurant and wear a dress! My makeup never looks right and I look dumb!” You slammed down the plate with your toast on it, shaking your head. “Forget this! I can't eat breakfast in peace even if I wanted to!” You grabbed your jacket, badge and keys, leaving from Jay’s apartment, despite his protests and apologies. You ignored him, then left for the district, the only other place you felt safe outside of your own apartment.

You tried to breathe deeply, but it was so hard. Between your fight with Jay and the ordeal with Adam, you just wanted to shrink into a ball and disappear. You sobbed, trying to keep yourself quiet as you spiraled into your own mind and thoughts.

Suddenly, there was a hand gripping your arm. "Breathe, breathe, (Y/N)," came a familiar woman's voice. You looked up, seeing Hailey through your tears. "Breathe in, as deep as you can. Come on, I've got you."

You breathed in as deeply as possible, but it wasn't deep enough. You breathed out, but back in fairly quickly, trying to catch that deep breath you desparately needed.

"Good, good," Hailey cooed. "Good, (Y/N), breathe."

With Hailey's help, you calmed down within a few minutes. You were able to breathe again, although your head was spinning. You looked up at Hailey, who simply held you by the shoulders now. You sniffled and nodded to her. "Thanks..." you mumbled.

"(Y/N), I've never seen you like this. What's going on? What happened this morning?"

You swallowed hard, getting up with her help and steadying yourself. You sighed, shaking your head. "Jay and I... We're just different. I don't like to be around people, you know? Not in public or at fancy places. I just want to be with him or my friends, like you. People I know won't judge me..." You shrugged.

"Judge you for what?"

Tears came back to your eyes as you wrapped your arms around yourself. "For... For my body..." you mumbled.

"What do you mean, (Y/N)? None of us would judge you based on how you look."

"I-I was really bad for a while... Before I met Jay, and before he helped me get into intelligence... Before I met you..." You sighed shakily, looking to Hailey. "I just... I had a really bad disorder..."

Hailey seemed to understand a bit, nodding. "We would never think of you as anything less than what you are: smart, confident, beautiful. I know Jay feels that way, and so does everyone else in the unit."

"It's all fake," you mumbled.

"Fake it until you make it," Hailey replied with a hike of her shoulders. "Maybe you can compromise with Jay on this. He wants to go out, you want to stay in, maybe there's some kind of middle ground."

"Like what?"

She hummed, thinking for a moment before nodding. "I'll tell Jay what I'm thinking, and you give it a chance, okay?"

You looked to Hailey, skeptical of whatever it was, but nodded. "Alright..."

"And about Adam?"

You sighed. "I was... I was stressed from this morning with Jay and on top of that, he was talking about diet culture and... Those were the types of articles I read about in tabloids in high school... You know, the fads? I didn't... I couldn't listen to that. After this morning, I-I just wanted to leave and be safe, and then I felt attacked again, like temptation to go back to that place... I don't know... It just hit somewhere too close to my soul." You sighed. "I'll apologize when I see him next, I-I just couldn't take his constant talking this morning."

"Hey, we all have a hard time tolerating him on a regular basis, let alone with you going through something like this. You don't have to apologize; you were only defending yourself."

You shrugged again. "I was still mean. I'll apologize and just tell him it bothers me."

"Okay," Hailey said with a small nod. "Alright. Do you need another minute?"

"No, I'm good." You stood, wiping your face and then taking a deep breath.

Adam and Kevin came back in after lunchtime. You hadn't moved from your desk for lunch but, like most days, Jay had left with Hailey to get lunch and come back with a to-go container with a small meal in it. Jay walked in and set it on your desk, then leaned down and gave you a small kiss to your temple before returning to his desk without a word. You nodded a small thanks as you looked up at him, then your eyes returned to your paperwork. You typically did this, either ate in the office or not at all. You used to leave the office to eat in your car, but as you gained relationship with the team, you became more comfortable eating lunch around them.

After Jay came in and everything was settled, everyone went back to their respective "busy work," seeing as there just wasn't a case to handle that day. Even Sergeant Voight looked bored, eyes glazed over as he stared at the computer in his office.

You looked up to Adam, waiting for the right time. He looked up and caught your eyes, you silently nodding to him and getting up, moving toward the interrogation rooms. As you moved into the viewing room, Adam was on your heels. "Hey, look, (Y/N), what happened this morning-"

You shushed him, shaking your head with a soft sigh. "I wanted to apologize. I was very rude toward you. It's just that... Things... Things like that bother me. Stuff about eating and diet culture and that kind of stuff... I just don't like it, okay?"

Adam's eyes softened a little as he looked at you. "(Y/N), I'm sorry, I had no idea."

"I was taking my anger out on you this morning, and it wasn't right, and I am very sorry, Adam. Look, you're a good guy and I shouldn't have been so rude to you, no matter what I felt."

Adam nodded and put a soft hand on your shoulder. "I'm sorry too, I didn't realize it was making you upset. I need to do better with that stuff. I shouldn't have been talking about it, and I won't again. I understand now that it's a touchy subject for you. I didn't mean to upset you. Again, I'm sorry."

You nodded and offered a small smile. "I'm glad it's all okay now."

"Me too." He pulled you into a short embrace, squeezing you softly. "And hey, for what it's worth, you look nice today."

You laughed, snorting a little at his remark. "Is that all, Ruzek?" You punched his shoulder. "Get out of here."

He chuckled and put his hands up, walking backwards and out the door, back toward the bullpen. You took the chance to use the bathroom before going back as well, sitting at your desk and finishing up your tasks while eating your lunch.

When the day came to a close, you stood and grabbed your jacket, looking to Jay as he approached your desk. "Hey," he said softly, low enough that the others wouldn't be able to hear. "Let's get out of here. We'll make a stop at your place, then I want to take you somewhere."

You sighed a little at the thought, glancing to Hailey who smiled and nodded at you, then looking back to Jay. His puppy-dog eyes pleaded you to say yes. You finally nodded. "Alright. You can follow me home. I'll just park and change, then I'll be back out to meet you."

"Perfect, I'll stop at my place on the way to grab a few things and meet you there." Jay smiled softly, glad you'd agreed to it.

When you got into Jay's truck outside your house, you hummed. "So, what is Hailey's crazy plan this time?"

Jay smiled and shook his head. "It's a surprise. I can't tell you yet."

You looked to him. "You're not taking me anywhere fancy, are you? Cause I dressed in sweats for a reason."

He laughed, looking over at you and grabbing your hand. "I would take you anywhere in sweats. You're beautiful no matter what."

You couldn't help but smile, bringing his hand up to your mouth and kissing his knuckles. Despite your disagreements, you loved Jay with your whole heart. No argument, despite how much it affected you, would ever change the love you held for him. He pulled your hand toward him as he drove, reciprocating the kiss to your knuckles. You smiled again, moving across the center console to lean against him. You just wanted to be close to him, and you hoped wherever he was taking you would allow you to do that.

You rode beside Jay in gentle silence for a while as he finally turned into a fast food place. You furrowed your eyebrows, sitting up in your seat and looking up at him. "A fast food place?"

"This isn't our final stop, just stay here a second." He got out of the truck, leaving you inside. Truthfully, you were fine with being in the truck as opposed to inside the store, but you missed Jay's warmth sitting beside you. In his place, you turned on the heater and let the vents circulate hot air into the car. You hummed at the warmth, closing your eyes and leaning your head back. Jay came back about ten minutes later, a bag in hand. He set it in the back set before getting in and kissing your cheek. "Alright, ready?"

"Yeah," you replied, still soaking in the heat. Jay rolled down his window, allowing you to keep the heat on while he stayed a bit cooler. You didn't mind, as it also circulated in some fresh air. It was nearly fall, so the nights were getting cooler, but not cold yet.

Some time later, you noticed Jay had taken you to the outskirts of the city. He parked his truck at a local park, away from the hustle and bustle. You furrowed your brow as he turned off the truck, the heat leaving you. You looked to him for an explanation, but he didn't say anything. He simply smiled as he got out, moving to your side to help you out (which you didn't need, but it wasn't unwelcomed). He then helped you up onto the bed of the truck, following. He had a goofy grin on his face as he laid out several pillows and blankets, enough for the both of you to be comfortable and warm. Then, he grabbed the food from the cab and laid it out, helping you to sit down. "Ta-da," he said with a small grin.

You couldn't help but smile at his smile, shaking your head. "A truck bed dinner and cuddling?"

"This way, we're alone and can eat and lay here in peace, together, but we're also not at home."

You hummed. "Hailey is a genius."

He laughed and nodded. "Yeah, she's pretty great for coming up with this one. And best part is, we can go anywhere, so I'll never get tired of being in the same place, but you'll always be comfortable."

You smiled again, this time wider. "Yeah, this is perfect."

"I'm glad you think so." He motioned to dinner. "Now eat, and then we can lay back and watch the stars."

You scooched over to be closer to him, leaning into his side as you ate, humming. "It's perfect, Jay."

He rubbed your back, kissing the top of your head. "Anything for you, beautiful."

#chicago pd #x reader #fanfiction requests #chicagopd #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead #detective jay halstead #cpd

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sunflowersandsapphires · 6 months

Text

Lifeline

pairing: Matt Murdock x fem!reader

summary: When Matt starts to shut down, your stubbornness saves him.

warnings: swearing, angst, panic attack description, pining buffoons, pre-relationship, Matt's mental illness and fear of abandonment

a/n: This is a short birthday fic for the wonderful @abucketofweird who wanted a fic similar to Renegade with Best Friends to Lovers. I hope you enjoy, my dear! 🥳🥰❤️

I know it's short and pre-relationship but there is plenty of angsty Matt! (Also, yes she calls him a million nicknames, but they're not ~explicitly~ together in this). Please let me know if y'all are tired of seeing me write crying!angsty!Matt because I know I write that a lot.

w/c: ~4k

Matt could still remember the day that the Devil had first emerged. It was before his accident, after witnessing a group of teens bully his elementary school classmate on her way home from school. Years of seeing his dad throw hits and his own unwavering moral compass had forged a new being within his own; his rage overtaking his consciousness, forming shaky fists and a flower across his face.

At the time, he hadn’t known how to fight properly and had gotten his ass kicked. A few decades had passed and, though his ability had grown, his rage had stayed the same.

Fury was a useful tool, most of the time. Allowing him to push through discomfort and injury until he’d taken down whatever evildoer he’d gone after that day. It was his wrath that kept him going, but it was also his biggest inhibition.

The desire to beat powerful criminals bloody was overpowering. His gut boiled with anger anytime he heard someone crying for help, knowing that, more than likely, the only thing sparing them from that cruel fate was him—a blind Catholic with a chip on his shoulder and lacking self preservation skills.

It was his rage that caused tunnel vision. Which in turn caused sleep deprivation, which led to more injuries. The cycle didn’t end there though, at least not recently. His tendency to prioritize his alter ego over his own health wasn’t something that could be solved by a simple nap these days. Not when he had people worrying about him, and when his efforts to meditate or find another outlet for his emotions remained futile.

More injuries meant it was more difficult to hide them. A bullet wound in his stomach, a sprained ankle, these were more noticeable to his coworkers, to you. While you were eternally patient and understanding about his double life, his business partners were not. He tried his best to ignore Karen’s gasps and Foggy’s pointed stares every time he limped into the office or winced while pouring his coffee. Despite his efforts, it always aggravated him, fueling his rage and thus perpetuating the cycle further.

This week, Foggy had snapped. Yelling at Matt for putting himself in danger, for jeopardizing their recent case—they’d had to postpone a meeting with the prosecution given the state of Matt’s face—and their firm. In return, Matt had lashed out. Screaming about the greater good and Foggy not trusting him. It quickly became an all out brawl, both men hurling insults at the other despite Karen warning them that they were going too far. But her intervention came too late.

“You claim to be so worried about people leaving but I don’t see how that’s fucking possible when you try so hard to scare us off, Murdock. Guess what!? It’s working!” Foggy snapped, throwing his hands in the air with a huff.

Logically, Matt knew Foggy didn’t mean that—at least not in the way Matt heard it—but his throat felt swollen anyway. His heart pounded, the argument sitting on his tongue dissolving as his mouth grew increasingly dry. Loosening his tie, Matt stalked to his office to gather his things.

“You know what, I think I’ll work at home for a few days.” He spoke stiffly, throwing the strap of his bag over his shoulder.

“Matt,” Karen took a step towards him but he refuses to acknowledge her placating tone.

“I’ll see you in court next week. I’ll drop off my opening argument tomorrow night.” Without waiting for their responses, he retreated to his apartment.

With every step along the damp Manhattan sidewalk, his irritation grew. His brain was flickering back and forth between despair and indignation, his hands itching to hit something. Tonight would be productive, that much was clear.

Though he usually waited until the late hours of the evening to go out as Daredevil, his argument with Foggy had ignited an impatient buzzing beneath his skin—his muscles clenching and anger bubbling until he caved to the Devil. It was risky, dashing from roof to roof in his suit at dusk, but his patience had worn out hours ago.

The night felt endless, yet it was over far too soon. He raced through the streets, taking down thug after thug, until a serrated blade caught him off guard. With a jagged rip across his thigh, he made for his apartment—planning to crudely stitch the wound before finishing what he’d started.

As he approached his loft, his ears locked on to a familiar heartbeat, its pattering mulling about his place as he grew closer. Foggy had sent in reinforcements, he supposed, though he wasn’t thrilled about it.

Opening the rooftop door, Matt stomped down the stairs, hurling pieces of his suit across the space as he ripped them from his overheated body. Pretending not to care about the spike in your heartbeat, courtesy of his pounding steps, he tore the mask from his face, setting it beside the sink before filling a glass with water.

Fidgeting with your sleeve, you approached him slowly, saying nothing as he downed a glass of lukewarm water before jutting his chin at you.

“Say what you’re going to say, then leave.” His voice was harsh and deep, the Devil still fully in control.

You inhaled slowly, not scared of his current state, but clearly unhappy all the same. “What makes you think I have something to say?”

Matt bit back a scoff. “Foggy sent you, which means you’re on his side and are here to tell me off.”

“On his side…Christ, Murdock.” You were a few paces in front of him, just behind the counter, your clothes rustling as you crossed your arms in frustration.

“Why else would you be here?” Matt stormed around you and into his bathroom, unbuckling the bottom half to sew himself up. If anyone else had been here, he might have been more worried about modesty, but you’d seen him in more compromising positions than this over the years.

Gritting your teeth as you trudged after him, your arms remained folded against your chest. “Because I care about you, asshole. Karen told me what Foggy said. I was worried.”

Your heart thumped steadily with your honest admission, eliciting a pang of guilt deep in Matt’s subconscious. He remained silent, rubbing a damp cloth over his wound to clean it up before he attempted suturing it. At his lack of response, you scoffed, “Don’t know why I was so worried. You’re clearly taking it very well.”

Spinning to face you, his lips curled. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“It means exactly what you think it means, Matt.” You snapped back at him, regretting it when his jaw twitched in response. Sighing, your voice softened. “You are so strong, and I know that Foggy and Karen give you a hard time but they’re not entirely wrong. It’s ok to ask for help.”

“I don’t need their help.” Matt muttered, leaning against the cold porcelain sink in the bathroom. “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“No one is saying that you’re not.” You tried to reason, but he refused to listen.

“I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what Foggy was saying, actually. How would you even know? It’s not like you were there.” He bit out, resentment prickling through his words.

Ouch. He was right. You weren’t there. Because you’d taken a new job across the city. And he clearly was still not ok with that fact.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” You spoke gravely, brushing away a smudge of dirt on his cheek with your thumb. He tensed under your touch, but didn’t flinch away. “But you know that I don’t agree with what Fog said, right? Regardless of whether he meant it, it was wrong for him to imply—“

Shoving your hand from his face, his lips formed a scowl once again. “What? That it’s my fault? That people leave because I make them? Maybe he’s right.”

“Matt, that’s not true. You know—“

“Don’t tell me what I know!” He roared pressing into your personal space, eyes blazing with fury.

Breathing evenly, you shifted your weight away from him. Not flinching out of fear, just a natural reaction to his behavior, yet the movement still stung. Retreating from you, he picked up the cloth and refocused on the gash across his thigh.

“Go home,” He spoke your name coldly. This wasn’t a question, it was an order.

“Matt—“ You started but he glared at you.

“Go.”

You nodded, pacing back into the living room to grab your purse from the couch. “Call me if you need anything, Matty. I’ll be around.” You spoke softly, your soft footsteps fading as you left his loft.

Biting back an irritated snarl, Matt tread into the kitchen to grab a bottle of whiskey. Taking a full swig, he pushed his guilt and pain aside and picked up a needle.

Burying your face in the collar of your jacket, you scrunched your nose as a particularly fierce gust of wind smacked you. Soldiering forward, you sped down the street towards the dimly lit building you were aiming for.

It might be a mistake to return to Matt’s loft, but you couldn’t leave him there alone when he was so distraught. At least, not in good conscience.

You respected his request for space, absolutely—taking time to return to your own apartment and retrieve his worn Columbia sweater, which you’d stolen a few weeks ago and simply not given back. It was soft and oversized, for you at least, making it ridiculously comfortable. But it was clear Matt needed that comfort more than you did right now.

After tucking the garment in your bag carefully, you headed back out into the blustery evening to pick up a large order of food from Matt’s favorite Italian place.

If he still didn’t want you there upon your return, so be it. But the man wouldn’t go cold or hungry on your watch, dammit.

It wasn’t that you didn’t trust him to take care of himself, you just recognized that self-preservation wasn’t a priority for him when he was…like this. Brooding. Angry.

In the decade and a half you’d known him, you had started to piece together Matt’s various moods and this was a common one. His heightened senses igniting something inside him that pulled him into fights all around the city. You couldn’t imagine the pain he felt hearing innocent civilians in trouble constantly. But eventually, he’d stop restraining himself. Sleep less. Eat less. Go to work, go out as Daredevil, and do it all again the next day—even when he was a jumble of exhaustion and bruises.

In these moments, he was no longer your beloved Matthew Murdock. He was a candle, with a burning wick and a torch at his base. The wax slowly melting away, until his sanity was nothing but a distant memory.

This was something you’d seen a handful of times when working with him and Foggy, even back when you three were just interns at Landman and Zack. It was the thing about Matt that you and Foggy argued about most these days.

See, Foggy believed the solution to these episodes was to remove Daredevil from the equation altogether. You couldn’t necessarily blame the blond for thinking that, given how Matt’s vigilante antics impacted his work and his ability to be a good friend.

Despite understanding Foggy’s concerns, your faith in Matt didn’t hinge on his nighttime activities. These periods of great stress were a sign that Matt needed support. Not an indication that he was no longer able to lead a double life.

While the average person might snap or cry when they were overwhelmed, Matt would force himself to take more on. You assumed this was a symptom of the manipulation he’d endured during his youth.

Matt hadn’t disclosed much about his childhood mentor, but you knew that he’d been encouraged to work through periods of distress, simply bottling up his feelings in order to ensure productivity. Given that he’d never had those beliefs challenged until well into adulthood, it was second nature for him to add more to his plate until he couldn’t anymore—whether that was because someone forced him to rest, or he was literally comatose.

He’d confessed to you once—on another night like tonight when he was so tired of fighting everyone that he caved to your questioning—that rest wasn’t something that came easily to him. It was almost an enemy, in his mind, preventing him from helping as many people as he could. Resting meant he was a failure, and failing meant people would leave.

This conversation lived in the back of your mind every time the dark haired man frustrated you. Every sleepless night spent pulling your hair out while you waited for him to text you that he was alive, every morning spent patching him up in the conference room because the walk to work had pulled his stitches out. Each and every time Matt’s other identity impacted your life, you reminded yourself that, in his mind, he didn’t have a choice.

This time was no different.

Though it probably didn’t help that Foggy had insinuated that he was thinking of leaving Matt. Not when Matt’s subconscious was desperately trying to pretend his life was balanced to keep everyone happy. Which is why you allowed yourself to be more stubborn than usual this dreadful evening, worming your way back into Matt’s home so he knew that he wasn’t in danger of being alone.

Removing one ungloved hand from the safety of your fleece lined pocket, you yanked open the door to the restaurant, smiling softly at the hostess as her eyes met yours.

“I have an order for pick up?” Giving her your name, you curled both hands back into your pockets, shifting your weight from foot to foot as you waited, somewhat impatiently, for your food.

After what felt like an hour, the hostess handed you two bags stacked with containers, grimacing apologetically. “Sorry about the wait!”

“Not a problem!” You shrugged, grabbing the bags. “Thank you!!”

Dashing around the crowd forming behind you, your feet carried you the few remaining blocks to Matt’s building. Treading up the stairs slowly, you panted, taking a moment to breathe before making it to his door.

Here goes nothing.

You bypassed waiting for Matt to open the door, instead choosing to knock gingerly and use your spare key to unlock the door.

“Matty?” You called softly, receiving no answer.

Inhaling deeply, hoping you weren’t about to irreparably damage your relationship with Matt, you stepped over the threshold and into his space. Shuffling around the corner at the end of the hallway, you peeked into the loft, scanning it for any indication of your overworked friend—but there was no sign of him. No obvious one, at least.

As you blocked out the muffled sounds of the city that had managed to penetrate the walls of the loft, your ears picked up a hushed sound from somewhere in the kitchen. A rapid whooshing—like panting, or choking.

Rushing around the counter, your eyes widened in shock as you found Matt curled against the dark wooden cabinets. He was seated, but hunched over his knees, his hands tightly wrapped around his shins to keep his body in the position as he rocked back and forth. There was a jaggedly stitched line along his thigh, surrounded by mottled skin and goosebumps. Given his lack of clothing—he was only wearing his boxers—and the frigid temperature in the room, the poor man was shaking violently. A combination of his harsh breathing and his low body temperature, you assumed.

As your presence became more noticeable, Matt tilted his head up, chin wobbling, eyes frantic and shining. Calling your name shakily, his weak plea almost made your own eyes well up.

Crouching before him, you set the bags in your grasp aside, opening your palms to him. “It’s me, sweetheart. I’m right here. What happened?”

“D-don’t know. Can’t breathe.” Matt choked around the words, leaning towards you as you scrambled closer.

“Can I touch—“ You asked, hesitant to take any major steps without explicit permission.

“Yes. Please,” He sobbed, collapsing against your chest as your arms opened.

“It’s ok. You’re ok, sweet boy.” You rubbed a hand over his back in a circular motion, using your free hand to guide one of his palms to your chest. “Feel my breathing?”

Matt nodded against your chest, nails digging into your shoulder blade as he tried to get his breathing under control.

“That’s my guy. Doing so good for me, handsome.” You praised softly, tracing your hand up his back and into his hair in the way you knew he loved. “That’s it, nice even breaths.”

Unwinding your body from its squatted position, you sat on the cold floor, spreading your legs to allow Matt to fall into your lap. Perched across your thighs, Matt’s slowly stopped heaving. He was still covered in goosebumps and bruises, but his probable panic attack had been avoided for now.

“There we go. Good job, honey. Feel a bit better?” You scratched diligently at Matt’s scalp, his skull knocking against your fingers with a nod.

“Yes. Thank you.” He murmured, hot breath hitting your collar bone, a contrast to his icy skin.

“Ok, sweets. Are you cold?”

Another nod, making your lips twitch with a tiny smile. “Yah, stupid question. Here, put this on.”

Pulling your bag over to you, you yanked out the sweater and handed it to him, mourning the loss of contact as he sat up to slip it on. After his chest was covered, his brow furrowed, a hand coming up to trace the text on the front of the hoodie. “My sweatshirt?”

Cupping his stubbled cheek, you stroked a thumb over his jaw. “I brought it back. Thought you might need it tonight. C’mon honey, why don’t we go lay down, hm?”

Allowing Matt to crawl off your lap, you drew him from the floor as you stood, laying your arm around his waist and holding him upright as he hobbled to his room. Tumbling onto the mattress, he haphazardly threw his sheets over his bare legs, curling into fetal position. His body was stiff, as if he was clenching every muscle to prevent writhing in pain. Sitting next to his waist, you fussed with the covers, drawing them more tightly around his rigid form.

“There, that’s better. Just close your eyes and—“ you attempted to encourage the weary man to rest but his small voice interrupted.

“You came back.” Matt spoke lowly, blinking back a new wave of tears. “You came back when I told you to leave.”

“Do you need me to go? That’s fine, Matty, I’ll just—“

“No!” His hand shot out, wrapping around your wrist. “Please don’t.”

“Ok, sweet boy. I’ll stay here. As long as you want me to.”

Matt nodded once, tears trailing down his face again. “You came back.” No longer talking to you, it seemed that he was trying to make himself believe that he was no longer alone.

Sliding down to face him, you ran a hand over his arm, letting him murmur silently to himself until he spoke to you again.

“I don’t think they’ll ever be happy.”

“Who won’t be happy, handsome?” You asked quietly, propping yourself up on an elbow to study his face as he answered.

“Foggy and Karen. Maybe you too, I’m not sure.” His voice cracked, tears pouring down his cheeks as he squeezed his eyes shut.

“Hey, hey,” You shushed, drawing him back into your chest. “Oh, Matty—“

“What am I supposed to do?” His hazel eyes reopened, revealing a hopelessness you were shocked to see. “I hear people screaming for help and I…I can’t just lay here doing nothing. I don’t know how. And I try to explain but no one understands. I don’t know what to do,” When he uttered your name this time, it was a desperate request—to confirm that you understood, that you wouldn’t hold his actions against him.

“Oh, Matt, honey, I’m so sorry.” You rested your chin atop his head as he sobbed into your collarbone. “Sweetheart, you are so good at what you do. You’re a fucking hero. No one is mad about you choosing to use every ability you have to help people, we just worry about you, sweets, that’s all. And, I can’t speak for the others, but you shouldn’t have to worry about making me happy, ok? As long as you’re alive—“

“He’s going to leave me.” Ah. That’s where his mind was getting stuck. The words were broken, Matt’s voice strained beyond recognition as he voiced his fear. “He’s going to leave me like you did.”

A lump of emotion clogged your throat, tears wavering against your waterline. “Matt, you know I didn’t leave because of you, right?”

He shrugged against you, body still trembling as he cried.

“Matty, I adore you. I loved working with you and seeing you every day, sweets. I just couldn’t live on pies and hand-knit gloves in one of the most expensive cities in the country. I needed income, not an escape. I’m still here. I’m still yours.”

Heaving out a shaky breath, Matt nodded. Caressing his cheek, you asked. “What did my heartbeat tell you?”

“Truth.” He whispered. The two of you sat in silence, your hand absentmindedly running through his mussed hair as his body stopped shaking. Just when you thought the fear of abandonment had been swayed for the night, he piped up one last time.

“What am I supposed to do?”

“About Foggy?” You clarified, biting your lip when Matt nodded. With a sigh, you brought your fingers to his silky hair once again. “Matt, I am not psychic, I don’t know what the future will look like for the two of you, but I know that Foggy loves you. So does Karen, and so do I. And you don’t leave the people you love. You talk it out, you forgive them for their mistakes.”

“And if he doesn’t?” Matt whimpered.

“I don’t think you have to worry about that. But I’ll be right here with you through it all, ok?” Pressing your lips to his forehead, you brushed a few strands of hair away from his face. “I don’t want to scare you, sweet boy, but I have to go into your kitchen for a moment. I brought some food with me that I’m going to put in your fridge for later. I’ll get you some water too. Anything else you need?”

“Aspirin.” He murmured, blank eyes glossy with tears.

“Of course, sweets. I’ll be right back.” With another brush of fingers over his scalp, you wriggled out from under him and hurried to the kitchen—shoving the food into his bare fridge while grabbing water and pills.

He took the medicine you handed him diligently, his expression uncharacteristically blank. Draining the glass of water, he handed the empty cup to you without a word. You could see him slipping away into the recesses of his mind, trying to shove everything down once again, to handle it all himself.

Sliding under the covers next to him, you wrapped him in a tight embrace as he buried his damp face in your neck.

“Talk to me, sweets. What do you need?”

“Just you.” Matt choked out, fisting your shirt in his hands as if worried you were imaginary. “Please.”

“I’m right here. Always.” Kissing his crown, you ran a hand along his spine, humming softly as his breathing evened out.

He wasn’t through the rough patch yet, but that was ok. You were going to be here regardless. And you’d tell him that every day until he believed you.

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somber-sapphic · 1 year

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Was wondering if I would be ok to request a sick reader with Wandanat where readers just come out of surgery (could be for anything, like injured on a mission, wisdom teeth etc) and they’re kind of loopy still, not really sure if it counts as a sick fix though so I don’t mind if it’s not your thing 😅

A Little Less Wisdom

〖Notes: Okay, I had my wisdom teeth out a few months ago and I thought I'd be funny after waking up. NO. I just cried. I cried a lot. And then I got confused and hit my ride home. It was a long day.〗

〖Summary: You need your wisdom teeth out.〗

〖Word Count: 1320〗

〖Pairing: Wandanat x Sick Reader〗

☾Masterlists☽

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Out of all of the problems you could face as a superhero, ‘impacted wisdom teeth’ was never on your list. It hadn’t even crossed your mind; it just wasn’t something you’d ever believed that you’d need to worry about. Maybe there was a part of you that considered the possibility, but when there were so many other more dangerous things to worry about dental health didn’t really make the top hundred.

But two weeks ago, when your girlfriends had noticed the way you were avoiding hard foods and the copious amounts of over-the-counter pain meds you were taking, they finally said something. It really didn’t click to you that anything was wrong until Natasha had brought it up, a look on her face that betrayed her true concern.

Once they had completed their makeshift intervention, you began to notice the real pain in your mouth and began to wonder how exactly you had ignored it in the first place. Your best guess was that something was always hurting from one battle or another, that this one just didn’t seem too pressing. That sprained ankle had been a worse issue than the tooth pain. Until you noticed it, of course.

After a checkup from Dr. Helen Cho (who reiterated over and over again that she was not a dentist) and a few x-rays later, you were found to have “severely impacted” wisdom teeth. Not just regularly impacted, but severely. Not only that, but it was all four of them. You didn’t do anything in halves.

Wanda had been shocked at how well you had been hiding your discomfort, while Natasha was more focused on helping you to feel better. She wanted you to have surgery as quickly as possible, stating her concerns about possible complications and expected recovery time.

This was her way of expressing her love, getting overly caught up on details, and making sure that everything was 100% taken care of so that neither you nor Wanda had to worry. She was a wonderful girlfriend.

The day of the surgery came and went, a mission getting in the way of your dental care. This didn’t particularly bother you, part of you (as embarrassed as you felt) was incredibly nervous about the operation. You had read up about it in secret and had learned about every single complication ever recorded in human history.

This was, of course, a bad idea. Now you were panicking about dry-socket, nerve damage, infection, and possible death as a result of the anesthetic. The idea of being completely out of control of your surroundings was not one that you particularly enjoyed.

Unfortunately, beings who wanted to destroy the human race could only keep you from getting your wisdom teeth out for so long. The day arrived and you were mildly freaking out about it. Wanda, who could literally sense your emotions, had been trying to keep you calm by distracting you with silly little tasks and offering small comforts.

Natasha was less subtle about her attempts to soothe you; she straight up hadn’t left your side the whole day. She kept murmuring reassurances to you while you watched some dumb TV show and had even done research of her own to combat what you had found. She combatted your fear with love and statistics. These two very different ways of trying to make you feel less anxious were working very well together to put you at ease.

You lay back in the dentist’s chair and stared with panic-filled eyes at your loving girlfriends who were hovering in the doorway, unable to enter the sterile field. Suddenly, a very loud thought filled your head.

It’s all going to be okay. Breathe. We’ll be right here. You’ll be okay.

It was hard to describe how it felt when Wanda projected a thought into your mind. You could tell that it wasn’t a thought of your own, it had a comforting feeling. A soft, gentle, loving feeling. It put you at ease more than the intravenous anesthetic that was being pumped into your body.

The last thing you felt as you closed your eyes was that lingering emotion that Wanda had pushed into your mind.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

“They’re waking up,” Natasha murmured, nudging Wanda slightly. The witch looked up from her phone where she had been anxiously tapping away at some game, a look of relief flooding her face. The two women stared down at you, both smiling as your beautiful e/c eyes fluttered open.

“Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?” Wanda cooed softly, reaching out to brush a few strands of hair out of your lashes. You opened your mouth as if about to speak, but then closed it again. You repeated the motion a few times, your eyebrows furrowing slightly as you started to reach up for your mouth.

“No no no, let’s not do that. We’ve gotta leave that alone for now, okay?” The brunette chastised, quickly pulling your hand away. You pulled a pout, but the time it took for you to actually change your expression was absolutely hilarious. It took you a full five seconds to register that something had been said and react to it.

“Mh mufh iffmahds.” You mumbled around the gauze, the words you were trying to say lost around the cotton fabric stuffed into your mouth. Natasha leaned forward and bent down to kiss your head, leaving her lips there for a few moments to express her relief. She knew that nothing bad would happen to you, but the anxiety was always going to be there.

“Just rest baby, we’ll talk when you’re a little more awake.” She said kindly, grabbing Wanda’s hand as your eyes fell closed again. The redhead turned to her and grinned before kissing her soft pink lips.

“They’ll be okay Wands.” She reassured, resting her forehead against Wanda’s.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The peace of you being sort of asleep only lasted for twenty or so minutes. This time when you woke back up, you were ready to go. You quite literally came up swinging, your eyes wide and yelling something that neither of your girlfriends could understand through the gauze.

“Woah! Calm down, it’s alright babe, it’s okay.” Natasha said, reaching over to grab your fists.

“The chicken! The chicken’s comin’!” You cried, forcing the words out as you struggled against the grasp of your concerned girlfriend.

“What are you talking about? There’s no chicken!” The redhead replied, sounding frantic as she dodged a kick aimed at her face. You weren’t fully coherent, but your fighting skills were still very much intact. You had trained for this and were using your training to keep yourself safe from the aforementioned chicken.

“Robot chickens! So many, too many, can’t do it, gotta go!” You spat out, starting to get out of the reclining chair. You made it halfway up before falling back again, not entirely prepared for the weight of gravity. Gravity was hard.

“Y/n, Y/n. Listen to me. There are no chickens, okay? We’re in medical, you had surgery, and it’s all okay. Relax babes. You’re safe. It's just Nat and me.” Wanda soothed, putting every bit of calming energy into her voice. She felt bad for using witchcraft on you to alter your emotions, but she needed to calm you down as quickly as possible.

Thankfully, it worked. You sat back and relaxed, your body going limp against Natasha’s. You quite literally fell against your favorite assassin but remained conscious this time, breathing heavily as you relaxed again.

“I don’t like poultry.” You grumbled, nuzzling your face into Natasha’s shoulder. The redhead laughed softly, and Wanda let out a weary sigh, a grin spreading over her face. The operation was over, but it was becoming more and more obvious that that had been the easy part. Now they had to deal with an incredibly confused, slightly high you who would probably remember absolutely none of this.

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lavendermunson · 6 months

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mistletoe - steve harrington

day 13 of leia’s christmas tree farm

cw FLUFF. mentions of steve’s mental health. henderson!reader. preestablished relationship

Steve isn’t a pretty big fan of the holidays because he doesn’t spend the night like the others. His mom pays someone to make dinner for her, she gets them out of the plastic containers and places them in expensive personalized dinnerware. His dad buys expensive whiskey and finishes the bottle in a couple of minutes along his friends.

He has grown to believe Christmas is just a holiday about showing off. Giving expensive gifts and seeing people use them for three days just to bury them at the bottom of their dressers.

That’s something his parents always did, brag about money and big houses instead of having a good time. He thought he deserved this, a life so soulless and unkind.

When he met Dustin, your mom, and you his whole world changed. He fell for you so hard, risking all for you and making sure you were always happy. You do the same for him, you always do.

You are his safe place.

It’s Christmas Eve. His family is having dinner with his dad’s colleagues and his mom’s loud best friends. He hates this, he hates that he has to put on a fake smile on his face while he feels miserable.

Steve wishes you could be by his side, but he couldn’t put you through this. His dad will ignore you and try to set him up with someone else. He knows his mom would love you but eventually side with him because that’s the way their relationship works.

Their marriage is stupid.

His parents are stupid.

This day is so stupid.

Surrounded by the stiffness of his room, looking at the pictures of him with you and the friend group. He feels like he could cry, he wants a good Christmas Eve just for once. He misses you all so much.

His head is heavy and his vision is blurry. He sits on the edge of his bed, tapping his foot against the carpeted floor and preparing himself for the night.

Then he hears a knock on his window. It’s you. Like he summoned you. His heart skips a beat when he sees your face, you are all dressed in black.

“What are you doing? My parents are here!”

“We are here to steal you, like a precious piece of art from a museum!”

He laughs, looking at you.

“I can’t, honey. I can’t leave, they are going to kill me!”

“They won’t because…” you hold your index finger in the air, waiting for your sign to escape. When you hear Steve’s mom scream you take his hand in yours, pulling him to you. “Your house is infested with cockroaches”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll explain in a bit, let’s go”

You take a step back from the roof, Steve is impressed to see you climb his house for him knowing how difficult it is for him to get to your window. He escapes from his own room, his hands gripping the window frame as he gets out quietly.

When you get off the roof, you hold his hand in yours running with him towards your car. He opens the passenger door and sits down excited, ready to escape this hell of a house.

He did it. He is out, he is with you. The cold breeze hits his cheeks, he feels calm for the first time since he woke up.

“Dustin! Hurry” you scream at your little brother, he holds an empty box as he runs to meet you.

“Mission accomplished!”

Both of you join Steve in the car, you are quick to drive away from his house before their parents catch you. He misses his mom telling him not to come downstairs.

“You guys are crazy,” he says, anxiety slowly disappears as he rubs his abdomen. He looks back, noticing how his house disappears from his vision. “When did you come up with this plan?”

“Today” you answer, eyes focused on the road as you speed up to get to your house quickly.

“And why are you both dressed in black?”

“It’s our steal-a-museum outfit,” Dustin says, feeling Steve’s eyes glaring at him “It was her idea!”

“I couldn’t leave you there, I spent all day trying to come up with something for you to spend Christmas with me”

“Thank you, honey”

“And your parents freaked out when they saw the cockroaches, it was hilarious!” Dustin says, getting out of the car when you finally get home. Safely and with Steve by your side.

Steve holds your hand as you walk to your house, his fingers interlock with yours and he leans to the side, kissing your cheek before pushing the door open.

After opening the door, he sees a crowd of people cheering and screaming. Your mom, Robin, Eddie, Nancy, Jonathan, and all of his kids are there.

Steve smiles brightly, feeling his cheeks warm as well as his heart. Everyone comes up to him, hugs him, and welcomes him before they follow Dustin, who cannot stop laughing as he tells the story of how they got Steve here.

Your mom gets close to him, hugging him tightly.

“We are happy you are home,” she says. Steve holds back his tears, home. He finally feels like he has a home.

“Thank you, Mrs. Henderson” he smiles at her, his chest heaving up and down from the excitement. “I’m surprised you were okay with this plan”

“Oh Steve, who do you think got that box of cockroaches!” she laughs and you join her, both looking so happy that he is here. How is it possible? He feels like he is dreaming. It’s all just too good to be true. “I’ll leave you guys, you are under the mistletoe”

You look up at the branch of mistletoe that wasn’t there before you left the house. Steve looks at it too, then he wraps your waist with his arms pulling you to his chest.

“Thank you, baby”

“Don’t. It’s the least I could do, they are going home at ten but you are staying here with me”

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I love you, honey”

“I love you too, baby”

You cup his cheeks in your hands, the feeling of your soft fingertips makes Steve melt. Pressing your lips against his, he feels in heaven.

He feels you, he tastes you.

The one who saved him from one of the worst nights of his life, he owes you everything.

His head falls to the side as you tangle your fingers in his hair. It makes Steve moan softly, feeling all his body warm and bubbly.

You spend the night together. Sharing jokes, laughing at Dustin’s stories, and drinking. He only gets more excited because he gets to sleep with you, maybe thank you for what you did, and wake up on Christmas to open his presents.

reblog to support your creators! comments are appreciated !! ♡ thank you for following my christmas event, your support means so much to me 🎄

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totaly-obsessed · 7 months

Note

hey i couldn’t find a rules list of what to ask so feel free to ignore this if it’s outside your comfort zone!! could you do a mary x reader where an anniversary of reader losing someone (or just anything bad that could’ve happened if you don’t want to write about that) and they are feeling kinda numb and just need mary to comfort them, which of course she goes above and beyond to make them feel as loved and safe as possible

Anniversary

Mary Earps x reader request

-> Mary helps Reader get through the anniversary of her mother's death

-> Talk of death and grieving

-> I hope this is okay, @ anon!

➳ Masterlist

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

Mary knew that today would be hard. A heavy red ‘x’ in the calendar marks the day. It had been one year since your Mum had tragically passed. She had been healthy, some would even call her active or fit for her age. She had been fine – until she wasn’t. A stroke during which she fell down the stairs.

You were the one to find her – picking her up for your usual Saturday stroll around the market in the town square.

It wasn’t even needed to step in – she was just lying there in the middle of the hallway when you opened the front door. Shocked you called an ambulance after checking for breathing. There was none, also no heartbeat. She was cold, her skin a pale blueish color.

You still couldn’t get the picture out of your head.

It had been a hard year. The middle of November, being very close to Christmas, meant that the first holiday without her came fast. Your birthday was just as hard – a usually loved day by you, passing like any other.

But today marked one year without her. And while you thought of her every day, today was especially hard. Mary knew that you would put on a brave face, trying to force yourself through the day – but she wouldn’t allow you to do that, knowing that you would hate yourself for it later.

She truly was a saint. Mary – your Mary. The goalkeeper had been your rock through the incredibly tough grieving process. She never got frustrated with your way of coping but she tried to help you do it in a healthy way instead of ignoring your own health.

Your girlfriend had taken the day off from training, even though you had told her not to. She wanted to be there for you – she needed to be.

Working in a good environment meant that your boss insisted that you had some time off, ignoring your pleas to let you work.

The morning was weird. While Mary was usually the first one up and starting the day, she couldn’t find you anywhere – your side of the bed was already cold. But it didn’t take the blonde long to find you on the couch. You weren’t doing anything, you just sat there, staring at a dark TV.

A gentle kiss to your forehead ripped you out of your daze. “Good morning my love, let’s make some breakfast, huh?” She pulled you up by your hands as gently as she could, nudging you into the kitchen. Mary handed you an assortment of fruits, gesturing for you to wash and cut them, while she made pancakes.

Your Mum’s favorite breakfast.

After your very controlling dad had left the family when you were younger, your mother enjoyed her newfound freedom and meal choices, opting for pancakes with tonnes of sirup and fruits every Sunday. It had become your little tradition over the years, and Mary understood that. She understood that it was your thing so she usually made oatmeal for breakfast.

But today was different. Today was already emotional and in honor of your mother and her rituals, she made pancakes – even using the recipe that your mum had given her when you started dating. It brought tears to your eyes, seeing your favorite football player taking such care of you.

Breakfast was spent in silence but you could feel her concerned eyes burning a hole into your head. You knew that she was just concerned, but it was still unnerving, being watched like this. There was barely a dent in your pancakes but Mary coaxed you into eating a little more – rewarding every bite with a gentle kiss to the side of your head.

Usually joined showers were giggly with Mary spraying water into your mouth whenever you wanted to speak, making her laugh so hard that she could barely breathe while you pouted, trying to get all the shampoo out of your hair. But as with many things, today was different. Your girlfriend took her time, gently massaging your head as you stood in the water stream with closed eyes. It was as if your body was there, but your mind was not – it complied with moving however Mary wanted you to, but you didn’t really notice anything.

By noon both of you were dressed in warm clothes, ready to go on a walk that would ultimately lead you to the cemetery your mother was buried in. You stood on the porch for a second, waiting for Mary to join you when a bouquet was extended towards you. “Oh Mary….”

She could see the thankfulness in your eyes as they teared up once again, struggling to get the words out. “They were her favorite.” She had remembered how you insisted on getting Asters instead of Lillies for the funeral because your mom loved them so much – so here she was, with a pretty blue and purple Aster bouquet.

Quiet conversation occupied most of the walk, Mary telling you a story of something that had happened at an England camp not so long ago to lift the spirit when you got closer and closer to your destination.

The gates of the Manchester southern cemetery seemed daunting as you stood in front of them. “When do you want me to join you?” A couple of weeks ago, when you were still able to cope, Mary made a deal with you – you would enter alone, do your thing, and after that, she would join you. “Maybe ten minutes?” With a soft kiss and a squeeze of your gloved hands, she lets you go – flowers in hand.

Ten cold minutes later, your girlfriend started her walk to your mother’s grave, finding you kneeling in front of it. With gentle hands she helped you up, dusting off some loose stones from your hands.

While this wasn’t the first time being here, as you took care of the grave every two weeks, it was very different. It was like you could feel your mother watching over you as you cried.

“M’sorry baby, I can’t stay.” Your girlfriend understood as you left her standing, making your way back to the gate.

It took her a couple of minutes to gather the courage and sit down on the ground as she pulled out a little box out of her jacket pocket. “I’m gonna ask your daughter to marry me. I know I already asked you last year, but I figured I would just do it again. You mean everything to her and-“ Now she started to tear up as well, trying to be strong for you when she was sad as well, was hard. “And I just wanted to make sure, that you knew. I wanna ask her in March – she loves spring, you know?”

The footballer felt a little crazy talking to a grave – but she wanted to make sure that your mother was okay with the two of you marrying, even if she had given her (very happy) okay before she passed.

Walking back to your joined home was a slow process, stopping every now and then to hug Mary, who tried her best to wipe the never-ending tears that streamed down your face.

The rest of the day was spent in bed, watching you and your mother's favorite films, while Mary went above and beyond to make the day go by as well as possible but all you really needed was her and her cuddles.

#woso x reader #woso imagine #woso #woso imagines #engwnt x reader #lionesses x reader #mary earps x reader #mary earps #man united wfc x reader

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poetry-protest-pornography · 9 months

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There's been a lot of "this character is so selfish" (mostly about Ray, but I already tried about that), and like. That's the point.

They're all selfish in their own way.

They're 22, they're all financially comfortable, they're emotionally illiterate.

Cheum and Mew have cast themselves as superior to the rest of their friends, and treat them all accordingly.

Cheum sees herself as a good friend, as a caretaker, as the one with their shit together; the rest of them are useless fuck ups. She can't even not complain about April-- who is basically perfect, because April wants validation for her movies, and Cheum doesn't get them, so she's annoyed at having to watch. She's constantly talking shit about her friends.

Mew thinks his not chasing sex and relationships makes him superior to his friends. He introduced them all in unflattering ways, while holding himself above them. He doesn't really see them as people, they're characters in his life, and that means he can't see them for who they are. And all this is before his revenge fantasy kicked off and he actively manipulated and used Ray.

Ray's addiction makes him selfish. He wants to be loved so he goes where he thinks he'll get it, even if it's not good for him. When you spend so much of your time trying to numb yourself, it's hard to see anything beyond that. He's still generous with his care and his money, but he doesn't share a lot of himself with most people in his life.

Sand let his need for revenge on Top drive him to do something that he knew would hurt Ray, and used Ray's feelings against him to do it. He lied to Nick and went through his phone.

Boston can't see much beyond his dick, and where his next orgasm is coming from, and even though he isn't particularly fond of anyone in his friend group, he plays the part while purposely doing things to hurt and work against them. He uses Nick's feelings to string him along so he has someone who will provide all the trappings of a relationship without having to commit to someone.

Nick went through Boston's phone multiple times, including before they knew each other for jerk off material. He was so focused on getting Boston to be his that he recorded him and Top, and then told Sand about it, which led to that whole confrontation -- Nick knew about Sand and Ray, and about Ray knowing Boston and Mew at this point, he had to know that that wasn't staying secret. Also, I think it's possible-to-likely that Nick is at least subconsciously manipulating Boston into moving his commitment line every time Nick mentions he might start seeing other people (a friend read this theory and I'm obsessed with it, going to rewatch with this in mind. If you're op of this idea, please lmk!)

Top... Top let petty jealousy over something that Boston-- who he doesn't trust -- told him happened convince him that having sex with Boston again was fine. And then he lied about it, and he consistently used the same "I win you lose" type of language about Mew that Boston does. (I know Top feels bad now, but I don't think he really realized that he loved Mew until Mew dumped him)

They're all dicks in certain ways and circumstances. They're all selfish and self involved and messy.

That's the show, friends. None of your faves are unproblematic. They've all got something that makes them sympathetic to varying degrees, too, but this is about a group of messy bitches who are struggling to keep themselves together, and to hold onto what appear to be the only relationships any of them have without destroying each other (which means lying, or hiding, or ignoring important things).

This is literally just a group of college kids, y'all. And they're here to hurt our feelings and entertain us.

(And maybe let's especially stop calling out the addict with mental health issues for being irredeemable and bad, eh?)

#only friends the series #only friends

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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 7 months

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Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 26

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo X OFC New as of 11/13/2023

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives.

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Quote: "I don't want to do this."

I lost track of how much time passed as I watched Dieter sleep. My mind was racing through so many thoughts that it overwhelmed me, making it impossible to process anything at all. It was hard to pull myself away from him, but I felt like I needed a few minutes to myself to just…feel. I was relieved when the nurse walked in to check on him, feeling like that was my out. I let her know that we would be in the waiting room if he asked for us. When she turned her attention back to her checklist, I excused myself from the room.

As I walked down the hallway, I took a moment to observe my surroundings. Seeing patients through open doors in various states of critical care was making me feel anxious. The sounds of beeping machines dredging up old memories that I thought I had packed away for good. The pungent smells of antiseptic and fragrances of chemical based cleaners caused my stomach to churn. I hated hospitals and I hated that Dieter was having to go through this experience. I truly hoped that it would at least have a positive outcome so that he could finally get the proper help he needed.

I ducked into a single-user bathroom to have a minute to myself, knowing it would be my only opportunity. After locking the door behind me, I walked over to the sink and gave myself a once over in the mirror. I looked like hell. My air-dried curly hair was now a frizzy mess from my fingers incessantly pulling at it. My eyes were circled in darkness from the lack of sleep, red and swollen from crying. The t-shirt I had quickly thrown on before leaving the house was wrinkled and had a stain on it. No wonder the ER doctor didn’t take my word for it when I said I was fine. I wouldn’t have believed me either.

I tried to smooth my hair down but didn’t get anywhere with it. Luckily, I had a hair tie on my wrist so I could pull it back into a messy bun. I took a minute to splash some warm water over my face. My skin felt sensitive and raw from the salty tears that had fallen, no matter how much I willed them not to. I switched over to cold water for a little shock to my system to try and wake up some. After splashing a few handfuls of the cold water, I stood watching it pool in my cupped hands, allowing it to spill over the sides. I could feel myself disassociating, until the flashes of memories started to break through.

Images of Dieter lying on the floor, his eyes opening briefly as I tried to wake him before they rolled back and closed again. The way he looked lifeless in my lap on the drive to the hospital, with a weakened pulse. The sight of him being pulled from my embrace and loaded onto a gurney surrounded by nurses and doctors as they worked to stabilize him. It was too much, and it was all crashing down on me at once. I had almost lost him because I was too fucking selfish to take the risk and reach out to him when I knew in my gut that something was wrong. I completely ignored it all and focused on being angry at him, just to make myself feel better about the whole situation. Now, I only felt anger toward myself.

I snapped back to the present, letting the water spill from my hands before reaching to turn off the faucet. I placed my wet hands on the back of my neck for a moment, allowing the coldness to soothe the heat radiating through my body. I closed my eyes and took a few measured breaths. Then, I reached for paper towels to dry my hands and face before throwing them in the trash. I placed both palms on the sink, leaning against it with my head down. I closed my eyes again, still taking deep breaths to try and center myself.

When I raised my head and opened my eyes, meeting my reflection in the mirror, I hated the person that I saw. My biggest fear had been losing myself again. I had allowed it to happen without even realizing how the darkness was slowly consuming what little was left of me. The harder I worked to keep it away from me the easier it was for the darkness to stealthily pull me into its numbing embrace. The sad part is, I welcomed it with open arms under the guise that I was doing what I needed to do to move forward and be happy.

For the first time since Dieter ended things, I realized I was slowly turning back into the person I was before him. The person I was when I was with Justin. The scared girl who pretended everything was fine and hid her feelings away out of fear that someone would see how bad things were. I had been conditioned to behave this way to protect Justin and all his wrong doings. I had been conditioned to hide my feelings away so that I wouldn’t realize how unhappy I really was. I could feel the walls starting to crumble down again and I found myself craving a drink but knew I couldn’t go down that road. I knew I needed to get back on track and handle things the correct way, for the sake of myself. I wasn’t going to be able to be there for Dieter unless I finally got my shit together. For real this time. I needed to find better ways to cope and actually process my feelings, rather than lock them away. If I didn’t do this, I knew I would be lost to the darkness forever.

I was drawn away from my thoughts by a knock on the door. I took one last deep breath and moved to leave the bathroom. As I continued my trudge down the hallway, I somehow managed to focus my mind back on the current situation that needed attention, trying to think through the next steps. I wasn’t even sure what those needed to be since I had never dealt with anything like this. This was definitely going to be a team effort.

When I entered the waiting room, I was met with more activity than I expected. Everyone was working to check out various inpatient treatment centers for Dieter. Alex was reaching out to his contacts for feedback while Lauren and Gabby did research on their phones. I immediately joined in. We were determined to find something away from LA that wasn’t one of the upscale places celebrities usually went to that catered to them. He needed to be somewhere that would not treat him any differently than other patients and really focus on helping him get better.

We finally settled on a facility in Tucson, Arizona called Sanctuary Hills that appeared to be promising. It was away from paparazzi central, making it less likely that anything would leak about Dieter being there. It also came highly recommended by Dr. Wilson and several other individuals that Alex spoke with. It would be a long drive, but more than worth it if the place was as good as everyone made it out to be. Once the decision was made, Gabby called to get more information and to get the admission process started.

We did not want to give Dieter the opportunity to change his mind, so Gabby and I planned to drive him directly to the facility once he was discharged from the hospital. Sanctuary Hills was kind enough to send us a list of things that Dieter could and could not bring with him, so I offered to go pack a bag for him on my way home to nap and freshen up. Gabby planned to do the same while Lauren and Alex stayed behind to spend some time with Dieter once he woke up.

When the Uber driver pulled into the driveway of Dieter’s house, I could feel my chest tighten as anxiety set in. Being there after what had happened the previous evening felt odd, almost sort of eerie. It seemed like there was bad energy emitting from the once happy place that I had considered my second home.

As I used Gabby’s key to unlock the front door, I suddenly felt a wave of emotion sweep over me. I could already feel a lump forming in my throat. When I stepped inside and really took in the space for the first time, I realized how much of a mess it was. I had noticed it the night before but didn’t register the severity because I had been focused on helping him. Dieter’s comforter and a pillow, my pillow, were haphazardly laying on the couch. There were old takeout containers randomly sitting around the living room and kitchen, some still containing food that looked like it had hardly been touched. I assumed that was the cause of the questionable smell permeating throughout the house. The TV was laying on its back on the floor with a busted screen. There were empty and broken liquor bottles of all shapes and sizes laying everywhere. Most of the broken bottles were concentrated on the floor under the painting I had left for him, like they had been thrown at the wall. The painting appeared to be untouched, which was oddly comforting to see.

It was difficult to see the physical evidence of how bad he had been hurting. There was no way that I could look at the sight before me and not feel anything. I simply could not pack this away somewhere in my mind and not deal with it. It was too much, but I needed the raw emotional confrontation. This is what finally caused my walls to crumble down, forcing me to feel everything at once. The sadness, betrayal, hurt, pain, anger…all of it. I couldn’t hold back the flood of tears any longer. My vision blurred momentarily before the tears started to fall incessantly. I didn’t even bother to wipe them away as I made my way toward Dieter’s bedroom to start packing a bag for him.

If I thought the living room and kitchen were bad, his bedroom was even worse. The bed was completely torn apart, and the frame broken. The nightstands were turned on their sides and the lamps that once set atop them laid in pieces on the floor. The mirror on the dresser was shattered and the drawers and clothes were thrown across the room. There was a hole in the drywall where the headboard used to be and another beside the bathroom door. It felt like I was having an out of body experience, the scene around me looking like it had been pulled straight from a movie.

I stood there for a time; both of my hands placed over my mouth in shock as I looked around the room. I had a hard time reconciling the thoughts of Dieter causing such destruction. This wasn’t him. He wasn’t a violent person. This was the culmination of his pain finally breaking him. My legs suddenly felt weak at that realization. I sank to the floor, continuing to take it all in as the tears fell freely down my cheeks. It was hard to see a space that held so many wonderful memories of us reduced to a pile of rubble. Maybe it had been even harder for him to be reminded of those memories while it was still intact, a caricature of how things used to be.

I don’t know how much time passed before I finally pulled myself up off the floor. I needed to take a breather. I walked back to the living room, where I noticed Dieter's phone still laying on the floor from where he had dropped it. My car keys were on the floor nearby, where I had apparently dropped them in the midst of my rush to get to him. I leaned down to pick up the keys and phone. I figured Gabby may need some of the contact information from his phone to deal with his work stuff, so I didn’t want to forget it. I walked over and plopped down on the couch before setting the two items down on the coffee table next to one another.

The lock screen of the phone lit up, catching my attention. I picked it up for a closer look, realizing the wallpaper was the infamous picture of us that he had posted on Instagram. Except this was the unedited original. It was in color, uncropped, and not blurred with filters. I had never seen this version of it. It almost broke me to see how happy and content we both looked. Even though Dieter’s head was turned slightly, I could still see the rare spark of happiness in his eyes. The crease that he often had between his brows was smooth. It was hard to remember that for a short time we had been blissfully happy. It seemed so long ago now. I realized that I would give anything to go back to that. We both needed the good times, to experience those rare moments of joy, when things didn’t feel like an uphill battle.

I grabbed the comforter that was halfway hanging onto the floor and wrapped it around me as I laid down onto the couch, phone still clutched in my hand. The scent of Dieter’s cologne surrounded me in a comforting embrace as I continued to examine the picture. A low battery alert appeared on screen. I chuckled to myself, thinking how my battery felt low too. I eventually set his phone back down on the table and drifted off to sleep.

I was jolted awake by my cell phone ringing in my back pocket. When I sat up, I realized it was now dark outside. I had been asleep for longer than I had planned to be. It took me a few seconds to work out where I was as I wiped the sleep from my eyes. I quickly stood and fished the phone out of my pocket to see that it was Gabby calling me. She wanted to check in and see how I was doing and if I needed help with any of Dieter’s things. I didn’t, of course. That was something I wanted to deal with on my own, but I appreciated her offer, nevertheless. It felt good to know that I was not alone in all of this, that this time around there were other people close to Dieter and me who understood what was going on.

Gabby went on to share that Alex had called to say the hospital would be releasing Dieter the following morning. She was planning for us to make the seven-and-a-half-hour drive immediately after picking him up. Then she and I would take a flight back to Los Angeles. It was going to be a long day, but it was worth it if it meant he was going to get the help he needed. We made plans for her to pick me up in a rental car and be ready to go first thing in the morning.

Once Gabby and I hung up, I realized I had a text from Aubrey. I had only just realized that I never called into work that today, so I was surprised I had not heard from her sooner.

Aubrey: Lauren called me last night to let me know what was going on. I hope everything is ok. Please take all the time you need, for the both of you. Keep me updated and let me know if you need anything.

I sighed heavily. I seriously did not deserve her or Lauren. They gave me more grace than I deserved sometimes. I fired off a quick update to Aubrey to let her know that both Dieter and I were doing ok and that I would need a couple of days off. She responded immediately to let me know that would be fine.

Since that was off the “to do” list, I decided to pack Dieter’s bag. I pulled up the list that Gabby had sent to me. He was basically limited to three days’ worth of comfortable clothes and nothing else until they considered him to be fully stable. He couldn’t even have his glasses or contacts, something he was definitely not going to be happy about.

I sent a quick text to Gabby reminding her that Dieter would need a phone list since he couldn’t have his phone. I figured she might have a better idea of who needed to be listed on that and that she would probably have most of their numbers. Then, I made my way to his closet, ignoring the mess in the bedroom as best I could. I found that his closet was completely untouched and still somewhat organized. I noticed that half of it was now empty, which reminded me of the conversation we had about making space to keep some of my things there. He had clearly held up to his word on that and never bothered to change it back. I could feel the lump forming in my throat with that thought. I shook my head, dismissing the memory so I could focus on the task at hand.

I quickly grabbed a pair of his gray workout shorts and two pairs of striped pajama pants (that did not have drawstrings) and three plain t-shirts from the shelves. I found his bright green robe and removed the waist belt before adding it to my stack. I had to dig around to find slip on closed toe shoes that didn’t have any metal or laces on them. At the bottom of his shoe pile, I found a pair of black croc clogs that I had never seen him wear, but it’s what he was getting because it was the only pair I could find that met the requirements. After grabbing some of his boxers and socks, I started looking around for a bag. I eventually came across an extra-large tote bag that could barely hold everything. He wasn’t allowed to bring his own toiletries, so I didn’t have to worry about any of that. I quickly ran through the list again making sure I didn’t miss anything. I made a mental note to double check on the phone list with Gabby and get his medications back from the hospital. Other than that, he couldn’t have anything else.

Before I left Dieter’s house, I collected all the food containers and took out the trash. That was something that needed immediate attention due to the smell alone. The rest would have to wait until I had more time. I wanted to make sure to get everything cleaned up before he came home, whenever that would be. The mess was the last thing he needed to deal with, and he most definitely did not need any reminders of what happened to him.

I collected the tote bag, my phone and Dieter’s, and my car keys before walking out to my car and heading back to my house. After I got home, I gathered a few things I would need for our quick trip, set my alarm, then immediately went to bed. Surprisingly, it didn’t take long for sleep to take me. I was physically and mentally exhausted and I could feel every bit of it.

The morning alarm came quickly. I felt like I had only just dozed off as I sat up in bed, stretching. My head was throbbing, and I could feel that my eyes were still swollen and stinging from all the crying I had done the past two days. I hoped a hot shower would help alleviate the tightness I could feel from the inflammation and ease my aching body. I drug myself up out of bed and took a very long shower. I mostly stood under the hot spray, unmoving, as I stared at the floor. I felt like I needed to mentally prepare myself for whatever the day would bring. I didn’t know what to expect, which left me anticipating all possible outcomes, including the worst-case scenarios. My only hope was that Dieter stayed calm throughout the trip and didn’t change his mind about accepting help before we got him there.

I spent longer than I should have in the shower, causing me to rush around to get ready. Not that I had planned to put a lot of effort into it anyway because it was definitely a messy bun and sunglasses kind of day. I was glad that I had gotten things ready the night before or else I know that I would have ended up forgetting something. Before I knew it, Gabby was pulling into my driveway. When I got into the car, she handed Dieter’s phone list over to me so she would not forget about it. I added it to his bag before I handed over his cell phone to her.

I could tell she was just as anxious as I was from her tight grip on the steering wheel and tense posture. We hardly said a word to each other during the drive to the hospital. Both of us were clearly deep in thought. The way I felt was almost indescribable. I was anxious and my chest felt tight, but in a different way than before. My head was buzzing as the thoughts raced uncontrollably. I felt hopeful, sad, and angry all at the same time. I was having a hard time wrapping my head around how it had actually come to this. It almost didn’t seem real. I was starting to feel disconnected, like I was watching everything from the outside. I knew that probably wasn’t a good thing, but also felt like it might be the only way I could get through today. I would just have to deal with the consequences of it later.

When we arrived at the hospital, we found that Alex was already pushing the discharge process along as best he could. He had spent the night with Dieter so he wouldn’t have to be alone. Alex had to be exhausted since he had been at the hospital the entire time. He had the least amount of sleep out of all of us in the past forty-eight hours, so I knew he was ready to crash. Lauren arrived soon after Gabby and me so that she could take Alex home. She had stopped to get us all coffee and breakfast too, which was very much appreciated by all.

Dr. Wilson briefly met with Gabby and I to give us Dieter’s bag full of medication and to go over paperwork. He gave us copies of everything that Sanctuary Hills would need but indicated they had sent electronic copies as well. He let us know that they gave Dieter a sedative thirty-minutes prior because he was still being uncooperative with staff and exhibiting high levels of anxiety. He noted that it should last about eight hours but included another dose with Dieter’s medication in case it was needed. That was not the news that Gabby and I wanted to hear, but we were appreciative that Dieter was given something to calm him down during the trip. We were hopeful that being with us would help him relax some too.

When we were finally able to make our way to Dieter’s room, we found him sitting on the bed picking at the food Lauren had brought for him. It didn’t look like he had eaten much of it. He seemed a little dazed as he sat in silence staring around the room at nothing. Lauren and Alex gave Gabby and I an apprehensive look as our eyes darted between them and Dieter. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting but I don’t think this was it. I assumed his behavior was like this because the sedative was kicking in, making him feel out of it while dulling the anxiety.

I walked over to stand next to the bed, reaching out to push Dieter’s hair back out of his eyes, which caused him to focus his attention on me for the first time. He knitted his brows together as he stared at me in silence for a moment. Then he reached up to lightly tug on my shirt, pulling me to sit down beside him. I wrapped my right arm around him as I moved to sit closer to him, then reached up to rub the curls at the nap of his neck. He immediately melted into my side and laid his head on my shoulder, his arms tightening around me. I took a stuttered breath as I fought back the tears that were threatening to fall. He was so fucking pitiful, and it was breaking my heart to see him like that.

After several minutes passed and when I eventually felt like I had my emotions under control, I asked Dieter if he wanted to change clothes and get ready to leave. He nodded slowly against my shoulder. Gabby handed him a set of clothes and the crocs I had gotten from his house as he got up to go toward the bathroom. While we waited for him, a nurse came in with the last bit of paperwork for Gabby to sign off on. By the time he came back out, we were ready to go. Gabby went out ahead of us to get the rental SUV and pull it up to the door. The rest of us made our way downstairs, accompanied by two patient care assistants. They kept a close eye on Dieter the whole way, which made me question what he had been doing to the staff that was so “uncooperative”. I felt like they were expecting him to run off or something.

Once Gabby pulled up, we gave Alex and Dieter some space to say their goodbyes. Alex had placed one of his hands around the back of Dieter’s neck, pulling their foreheads close together as he talked quietly to his older brother. Something about the sight caused Gabby, Lauren, and I to immediately tear up. The intense emotional look that passed between the two of them said so much. Dieter tightly nodded along to whatever his brother was saying before they pulled each other into a warm embrace. After a quick hug from Lauren, Dieter crawled into the back seat of the SUV. He stared at me wide-eyed and unblinking with his sad puppy dog eyes, seeming to be asking a question without words. I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile before climbing in to sit next to him as he scooted to the other side.

Dieter sat wringing his hands and staring down at the floor as we waited for Gabby to finish filling Alex in on our plans for the day. I reached over to grab his left hand and he visibly relaxed some. He glanced over at me with a tight smile before turning to stare out the window. He still looked paler than normal. Seeing him in his own clothes made it more apparent that he had lost some weight, which added to his frail appearance. I knew the current sight of him would haunt my dreams for weeks to come.

Soon after we got on the road, I noticed Dieter was having a hard time keeping his eyes open as he leaned his head against the window.

I gave his hand a small squeeze as I eyed him, “You ok?”

“Those fucking drugs they gave me are making it hard to stay awake,” he said flatly without looking my way.

I started rubbing small circles on his hand with my thumb, “Do you wanna lay down?”

His eyes locked with mine in an intense stare, like he was surprised at my words. I moved to grab a small blanket and pillow from behind the seat that Gabby had brought for him. I handed him the blanket and placed the pillow in my lap as he watched me intently. I don’t know why, but I suddenly felt like I was dealing with a scared feral animal from the look he was giving me. I didn’t want to spook him, but I also wanted to make sure I was there for him in the ways he needed. I reached toward him and motioned with my hand for him to lay down. He moved to get comfortable the best he could in the small space, folding his body to fit and putting his head in my lap. He sighed deeply, eyes closing as he tried to make himself comfortable. Once he was situated, I started running my fingers through his hair and lightly scratching at his scalp. It wasn’t long before his breathing changed to deep steady breaths as he fell asleep.

The drive was long and quiet. I could occasionally feel Gabby’s eyes on me in the rearview mirror as I watched Dieter sleep. My thoughts were still quickly cycling through every second of our time together, trying to figure out when things started to get so bad. I had a feeling Gabby could see everything I was feeling written on my face during that drive. She never questioned it though. There were times that I glanced her way and she seemed to be just as deep in thought as I was.

About four hours into the trip, Gabby asked if we should stop for food. Since Dieter was still sleeping, we decided to push through the drive without stopping. I got the feeling that she wanted to get this whole process over with as soon as possible, leaving little room for interruptions or complications. I couldn’t blame her since I was feeling the same way, along with the nagging feeling that the worst part was still to come.

It turns out, I was right. By the time we reached Sanctuary Hills, the sedative was wearing off. Dieter had woken up about twenty minutes before we got to the facility, and I could tell his anxiety was ramping up. It started with his fingers twitching, and the restless moving of his legs, until he eventually sat up in his seat. His eyes began to drift across everything he could see in the car. Eventually the outside caught his attention as he started to fidget more and wring his hands together again. He refused to take the other pill that Dr. Wilson had sent with us because he was tired of sleeping and how the drug was making him feel.

As we pulled into the parking lot, Dieter’s eyes fixated on the building while he roughly scratched at his chin. I grabbed his hand to make him stop in hopes it would calm him down some. Gabby and I exchanged worried glances in the rearview mirror as she unbuckled her seatbelt. Gabby and I got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side. Gabby pulled Dieter’s door open. He sat staring at me, wide-eyed. He looked terrified. I gave him a tight smile as I reached out my hand for his. He finally relented and took it as he got out. He shuffled slowly behind me as we walked toward the entrance. Gabby grabbed his bag out of the back and quickly caught up to us.

Once we entered the facility, Dieter stood closely at my side with a tight grip on my left hand as he chewed on the thumbnail of his free hand. His head was down, but his eyes were scanning over everything in sight. I tried my best to sooth him and keep him calm while Gabby worked to complete the check in process, occasionally asking him questions for the paperwork she was filling out. He answered quietly, in a barely audible voice, never removing his thumb from his mouth to speak.

One of the ladies helping with the check in process started to go through Dieter’s bag to check for “contraband” and ensure all of the items were in compliance with the regulations. As she was checking everything, she asked him if he had any jewelry or a cell phone that he needed to turn over to us before Gabby and I left. I felt Dieter tense beside me as his energy changed, from anxious to almost hostile. When I turned to look at him, I could see the panic and anger flashing in his eyes. The inevitable meltdown was finally happening.

“My phone? You mean I don’t get to keep my fucking phone? No. I didn’t agree to that.”

He started shaking his head frantically from side to side as he backed away from me. I calmly walked over to him and placed both of my hands on his face, softly stroking his patchy beard, in an attempt to calm him as he continued to ramble on.

“How am I supposed to call you without my phone? What if I need you? This place is like a fucking prison. I don’t want to do this.”

“Dieter, listen to me.”

He finally paused his movements as he stared directly into my eyes. What I saw there made me feel like someone was carving my heart out of my chest with a rusted spoon. I have no idea how I managed to hold it together, but I did.

“You can’t have your phone, but you can use theirs. You have a set phone time to call us. They want you to focus on getting better, so you can’t keep it with you.”

“A set phone time? I only have your number memorized. Not the others.”

I was momentarily taken off guard by his admission, feeling more emotional than I already had been if that were possible. He obviously wasn’t thinking rationally right now. This wouldn’t be an issue for most people, but Dieter was used to always having his phone to stay connected with those he cared about. It was understandable the absence of that connection would upset him.

“Gabby made you a list of phone numbers so you can call us. It’s in your bag.”

This answer didn’t seem to dampen his anxiety in the slightest, “But I can only call during certain times? What if you don’t answer and I can’t call back?”

“I’ll answer. I promise… and if you need anything between calls, your case worker can call for you if it isn’t something that can wait.”

I could see the tears brimming in his eyes as he continued to stare at me, a pleading expression on his face - either about the phone, his stay, or something else entirely. I was not sure. I tried to keep my face neutral for his sake, but I knew I was failing. My brows drew down together without my permission as my vision blurred slightly from my own tears. He lowered his head and turned away from me, his shoulders shaking slightly from his shallow breathing. He started to clench and unclench his hands at his sides as he moved further away. I quickly wiped at my eyes and glanced over at Gabby and the ladies behind the front desk. They were all staring at the two of us with worry and concern in their eyes. I took a deep breath before walking over to Dieter, pulling him away from the onlookers and enveloping him into a tight hug. I could feel his fingers knotting in the back of my shirt as he spoke through his tears into my neck. “I’m so fucking terrified to do this and I don’t want you to leave me.” I could feel his grip tighten further as he quietly added, “We didn’t get any time to fix things.”

I gently ran my fingers through the back of his hair, “Don’t worry about that, I’ll be right here when you’re done. We can talk about it later. I want you to focus on yourself right now. When you’re better, you’re coming home to me, ok? I’m not going anywhere.”

He slowly pulled back to meet my eyes. He seemed determined now as he searched my face.

“I don’t want to spend another night away from you after this.”

I gave him a genuine smile before leaning my forehead against his and closing my eyes to savor the feeling of him, trying to memorize every little bit of him that I could. I felt a tentative hand cupping my cheek as I opened my eyes to look up at him again. I leaned into his gentle touch, for the first time in months. I had missed it so much more than I realized. I couldn’t help myself. I reached up and entwined my fingers with his hand on my cheek before pulling them to rest between us. I used my other hand to pull him toward me and gently placed a kiss on his lips.

The way his face lit up as a few more tears slid down his cheeks made my heart clench. He didn’t hesitate to reach up with both hands and pull me in for a second and third kiss before briefly resting his forehead against mine, the physical intimacy that we had to do without for months seeming to ground him a little. He took a deep steady breath as he backed away. “Alright, let’s get this shit over with.”

Dieter’s mood shift was surprising and also a relief. He seemed to be having a moment of clarity, which I took full advantage of as I pulled him over toward Gabby so that he could help her finish with his paperwork. Things went much faster after that than I expected. Before we knew it, we were saying our goodbyes. He didn’t let go of my hand until he absolutely had to. He still looked sad, but seemed in better spirits than he was when he arrived. I was thankful for that since it made it more bearable for everyone involved.

Gabby and I had to hurry to catch our flight. We had just enough time to turn in the rental and grab a small snack as we rushed through the airport. We didn’t talk much on our way home. The topic of her brother seemed to be off limits for the both of us, as an unspoken agreement. We were both so drained from the events of the last few days that we needed a break from it. I could tell she was appreciative of having me there though. It was obvious in the small smiles and gentle hand squeeze she would randomly give me during our journey.

By the time I finally made it back to my house, I was running on empty. It was late and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed, but I somehow mustered up the energy to take a quick shower to wash the day of travel away. After that, it didn’t take long before I was out.

In the days that followed, I spent my time cleaning up the disaster that was Dieter’s house. I ended up having his bedroom furniture hauled off since several pieces were broken. It wasn’t worth the effort to try and fix them. Once that project was done, I didn’t have much else to do besides work and I did that from home. I did make an effort to spend time with Gabby and Lauren when I felt up to it. I felt it was important to work on my relationship with them since I had been so absent recently, and I didn’t want to risk isolating myself again as I was trying to cope with things.

After a week had passed, nothing could take my mind off the fact that Dieter hadn’t called me. I was worried that he was starting to realize how badly I had handled this whole situation on my end. He was the one that ended things, but I had made zero effort to fight for us. I had let him go like it was nothing. I would expect him to be hurt by that. Gabby assured me that he hadn’t called because he was having a hard time coming off of his medication and wasn’t feeling up to much phone time. What little he had called to speak with her was to get things sorted out for work and those conversations only lasted a few minutes. She said it was obvious by the way he sounded that he wasn’t feeling well. The case worker told Gabby that he was having some withdrawal symptoms after the first few days of decreasing his medication dosages and he was having a hard time with it. I knew that was most likely the case, but that still didn’t keep the doubts from creeping in, imagining worst case scenarios.

It was nearly two weeks after we had dropped Dieter off at Sanctuary Hills when I got a surprise visit from Alex. He awkwardly greeted me as he walked through the doorway carrying a very large parcel wrapped in brown paper. I eyed it quizzically as he maneuvered it into the living room.

“What is this?”

“Dieter asked me to bring this to you that night I stayed with him at the hospital. I’m sorry, I’m just now getting around to it. He sent a not so polite reminder through Gabby about it yesterday.”

“I take it you haven’t talked to him either then?”

Alex sighed as he shook his head, “No, not yet. Gab said he’s still kind of a mess right now because of the medication changes. She mostly talks to his case worker, I think.”

I nodded in understanding. Knowing that he hadn’t reached out to Alex either did offer some reassurances that it wasn’t just me. It hurt me beyond words to know that he was having such a hard time with the medication changes. I hoped, for his sake, that it did not last much longer.

Alex moved to hand me the large parcel he was holding. I took it as I gave him a questioning look. I noticed his eyes lit up slightly before he gave me a smirk.

“It’s the painting from the art fundraiser.”

I knitted my brows together as I took it from him, ripping the front of the paper to reveal the painting that had turned me into an emotional mess that night. Once I had it completely unwrapped, I set it against the wall and stepped back to look at it. I realized there was something very familiar about the two figures.

More after the image

I turned to Alex, who still had the same smirk on his face, “I don’t understand. How did he know about the painting?”

His smirk slowly turned into a wide smile, “He painted it. He wanted to surprise you with it that night, but obviously that didn’t work out…”

I put my hand to my mouth, gasping audibly. Now I understood the reason I felt drawn to it that night. The two figures were us. I could feel the tears prickling at the corners of my eyes, threatening to make their escape.

“I don’t understand, when did he have time to do this? We were together constantly before he left for Canada.”

Alex moved to stand next to me, “He started it right after he got back from New York. He took a break when he went to film that movie in Mallorca but picked it up again when he got back…before he found you again.”

I chuckled in disbelief, “Well this certainly adds a whole other layer of feelings that I wasn’t expecting.”

“I know he did a lot of it at night, when he couldn’t sleep. He told me he couldn’t get you out of his head. I’m pretty sure he fell in love with you that first night you spilled your drink all over him. He wouldn’t stop talking about you, so I encouraged him to look you up. I don’t think I’ve ever in my life seen him so nervous to do something,” Alex let out a small laugh at the memory.

I didn’t even try to hold the tears back after that. How could I? It said so much about Dieter’s feelings. Alex glanced over at me, realizing my emotional state. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in for a gentle side hug.

“This is the first painting he’s done in years…just so you know. You definitely woke up something inside of him. We could all see it. I really hope you two can make it work once he gets out of that place. I think you’re good for each other.”

I was taken aback by Alex’s candor regarding his brother. His words were so unexpected given how quiet and shy he always was around me. I appreciated the fact that he felt comfortable enough to open up to me some.

“I’m not sure how much I’m supposed to tell you, but fuck it, you should know. The nickname he gave you, and that phrase… la estrella del norte, la luz en la oscuridad…that’s something our mother used to say to our father. So, to me and Gabby, it’s a big deal that he used that. We’ve never heard him say it to anyone before.”

I couldn’t help the way my face scrunched up at his words. I was one hundred percent about to ugly cry. I put my hand over my eyes to hide it as Alex pulled me in for a tight hug.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said into the top of my hair.

“No, I’m not upset. This is a happy cry. It’s just…touching, I guess. I didn’t know that. This is a lot of information to take in and process. Thank you for telling me. I really needed this right now.”

Alex backed away and gave both of my shoulders a gentle squeeze and offered a small smile.

“Well, I won’t keep you any longer. Let Lauren know when you're free and feeling up to it and we can grab some dinner, yeah?”

I nodded and gave him a small smile as I walked him to the door.

After Alex left, I sat down on the floor in front of the painting, taking in every paint stroke. To the casual observer, it was probably just a nice painting of a couple in an embrace under the night sky. I, however, understood the subtle symbolism of the fog and darkness that surrounded the man, but not the woman and the bright star placed just above the woman in the background. The fact that something so simple could say so much was amazing to me. It had me feeling every emotion all at once.

I could not believe the origin of the nickname he had given me, or that he had started working on the painting well before he found me again. I always felt like there was more to the name, but I was not expecting that. He obviously had strong feelings toward me from the start. Looking back, I could no longer justify my reasoning for not being with him from the beginning. I hated that we had missed out on all of that time together.

I had a lot of thoughts swirling through my head that evening. I spent more time than I probably should have staring at that painting, but it was forcing me to process things that I had been avoiding. By the time I finally pulled myself up from the floor, I was mentally and physically exhausted. I went to bed after that and suffered through a night of restless sleep.

Sixty days after Dieter entered Sanctuary Hills, Gabby received a call from him, after mostly only communicating with his case worker over the past two months. He asked her to attend an in-person family counseling session there at the facility. She immediately agreed and got it scheduled. The day it happened; I was an anxious mess while I awaited news about the visit. He still hadn’t called me, or anyone else for that matter. We didn’t really understand why, but his case worker assured us that he was making progress and doing well. He was trying hard to focus on getting better and working through things a little at a time. He was very focused on his healing journey and doing everything that was asked of him. It was hard for me to understand it, being so far away and consumed by worries, but I was proud of him just the same. I was excited to know he was finally requesting to see his family and was hopeful that was a positive sign.

As it got later into the evening, I was beginning to get concerned since I hadn’t heard from Gabby yet. She had promised to call when she left Sanctuary Hills. I sent her a few texts but did not get a response. I was about to try giving her a call when I heard a knock at the door. I was surprised to see that it was Gabby. The look on her face made my stomach drop. The fact that she hadn’t called and was now showing up with this look on her face couldn’t be a good sign. There was no greeting. She jumped right to the point, “Talia, I’m sorry to just show up, but can we talk? I don’t know who else to talk about this with and I need to talk about it.”

“Yeah, come in.”

We both walked over and sat on the couch. My hands were already fidgeting as the nerves and anticipation quickly built up. Every scenario running through my mind was scary and I wasn’t sure I could handle whatever it was she was about to say. Gabby immediately burst out into sobs. I pulled her into a hug as I tried to suppress my own panic.

“Gabby, I need for you to tell me what’s going on before I have a fucking stroke over here,” I said into her hair. She sighed heavily before pulling away to look at me.

“Dieter told me what happened that night, with mom. I wasn’t prepared for it. I can’t believe he kept that to himself all these years and it fucking kills me that I didn’t do more to support him in dealing with it. I didn’t know he was the one who found her. I always thought it was one of the workers.”

Her sobs continued as I digested her words. I felt instant relief that it wasn’t something worse, something I didn’t know of yet, but at the same time my heart broke for her. I know it had to be hard for her to hear. Hell, it was hard for me to hear.

“I’m sorry, no one else knows about it. I didn’t know who else I could talk to about it. He told me that you knew… I just needed a minute to fall apart and process it before I go home.”

“Hey, take all the time you need. I know it’s a lot to digest,” I said as I rubbed gentle circles on her back.

“I just wished he would have opened up sooner and shared that burden with me. Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten so bad if he had. I should have tried harder to make him talk to me about it.”

“Gabby, I don’t think it would have mattered what you said to him. He wasn’t gonna talk until he was ready.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. I just feel terrible that I didn’t know. I don’t think anyone did. I bet dad didn’t even know.”

After a few minutes of silence, she seemed to pull herself together. She reached over to grab my free hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as she smiled up at me.

“He looks so good though…healthy and alert. I really think the treatment is helping. He’s expressing his feelings so well…I - I’m honestly not sure I’ve ever heard him talk that much about how he feels.”

I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face as happy tears slid down my cheeks.

“He said he’s gonna call you soon. He’s nervous to talk to you for some reason and embarrassed about this whole thing. I told him he didn’t need to be, but you know how he is. He misses you though, I could tell. I lost track of how many times he asked about you.”

I reached up with both hands to wipe the tears from my face. It was comforting to know that he was thinking about me. I knew it was selfish of me to think that way because he should be focusing on himself, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel better about things.

Gabby didn’t share much more of what they had talked about. Some of it was things he wanted to talk to me about himself, so I didn’t want to push for more details. Once she finally felt composed, she left for home. She had had a long day of travel and was exhausted.

She and I had gotten so close in the last two months. We had been spending a lot of our free time together, along with Lauren and Alex. It truly felt like I was part of a family with them. I loved that she was now comfortable enough with me to share her feelings openly. It was something we had all been doing since Dieter had been away. Even Alex had opened up more. Even though what had happened to Dieter was devastating, there was a silver lining in it. It had brought us all closer together. We were stronger for it and ready to welcome him home to all the support he could possibly need.

The next morning, I had just finished making a quick breakfast when my cell phone started ringing. When I glanced over at the illuminated screen, I saw it was a Tucson, Arizona number. I had waited two months to see this number appear on the screen. My breath immediately caught in my throat as my eyes teared up. I briefly hesitated to answer as the nerves took hold. After a deep breath I hit the answer button and raised the phone to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Talia?”

A/N: Y'all still with me? How are you feeling after that one? Progress? Maybe? As I have said before, digital art is not one of my strengths, but hopefully what I attempted to do gives you an idea of what I see in my head for Dieter's painting. Again, this one looks better in my head too. LOL! Wasn't that a sweet moment between Talia and Alex though? Also, that moment between Dieter and Alex hit me in the feels too. Then of course, the whole of the Dieter and Talia interactions in this chapter. Poor Gabby... now she knows everything. So many feels in this one! Aaaahhh!😭 Next chapter our dear Dieter and Talia will be reunited in a controlled setting to work through their issues together. It will probably be another rough one. We will get Dieter's official diagnosis and with that you will get a Deconstructing Dieter Bravo post. We will get some details on Talia's past which will also include a Today's Musings post for supplemental reading. So, you will get all sorts of goodies with the next chapter. 😉 In case you missed it, I have included the mood board for this chapter below. Last but not least, a huge thank you to my wonderful beta, @for-a-longlongtime. Seriously, it wouldn't be as good without her feedback. As always, please share your thoughts and theories. You know I'm a sucker for them. 💜

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#dieter bravo #dieter x ofc #dieter bravo fic #Destiny & Deliverance Series #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #dieter bravo x ofc #pedro pascal character fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #Pedro Pascal Fanfic #dieter bravo x oc #dieter bravo fluff #dieter bravo fanfiction #pedro pascal smut #the bubble #the bubble fanfiction

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sakuraharuno156 · 11 months

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Why Sakura Haruno is literally the best written character in Naruto - a rant.

She is the epitome of Narutos meaning.

So, main question is, what is Naruto about? On most surfaces level - about fox-boy having adventures, but that's not why most of us fell in love with the story. Below fox-boy, was fighting against your odds, learning, failing, getting back up, trying and becoming stronger, and most importantly about this quote:

"You dont have to be born a genius, you can become one".

This is what Naruto was about.

Arc with Haku and Zabuza? Find someone worth fighting for and become stronger for that person.

Chunnin exams? Naruto gives his all against Neji, to prove him, that you don't have to be born special, you can become special.

3rd Hokage vs Orochimaru - will of fire, that pushes you to protect your family, will keep the village alive.

Naruto vs Gaara - you can be hated and ignored all your life for your weakness, but if you keep trying people will notice you.

And so on and do forth.

But then we learned that Naruto was born to hokage and an Uzumaki. He got shit ton of chakra and a LITERAL beast in him to protect him. He was born great and to be great.

He failed his own narrative.

Menwhile Sakura was born a civilian, a noone, no magic eyes, no beast to help, no clan to learn from, nothing. She was an annoying girl with no aspiration. Thats it. Everything else she has is just her hard work and dedication. She become stronger than most of people "born great", just by trying to help people she cares about.

She is everything Naruto was set-up to be.

Is she a perfect person? No. And this is exactly what makes her a perfect character.

She's is flawed, she's sometimes emotional, she's not always confident and not always THE BEST BECAUSE PLOT.

SHE IS THE MOST HUMAN AND THE MOST INSPIRING.

And its annoying af when people dont understand her character, because that shows they didn't understand the story AT ALL.

She did her best and made mistakes but grown because of them.

Oh i was weak and couldn't protect my friends when they needed me? I'll do my best now, and try to be better next time.

She didn't give up and decided "well I'm weak so I'll stay that way". She trained under the strongest kunoichi of her time, who was beating her till she was unconscious and had many of her bones broken, because "Tsunade can heal her later".

Sakura from beginning would just give up, because 1) why bother when she can be pretty and 2) it hurts and takes time so it's easier to give up.

But she has grown.

AND THE WORST OF ALL IS that she gets shit for everything Naruto is praised for.

Naruto is understanding Sasuke and wants him to be back - great friend.

Sakura does the same (she understands him even more in first part- she is the only one who know that Sasuke is about to leave the village)- delusional SIMP (even when it was stated in manga that she didn't want him to herself, she wanted to safe him).

Naruto throws himself into fight he has no chance in to be a distraction - WOW SO SMART. HE IS GREAT.

Sakura does the same - weak. Delusional.

Naruto is always getting help during fights - he wins by himself.

Sakura gets bit of help from Chiyo (even when Chiyo stated herself that Sakura didn't need her) - WELL SHE DID NOTHING, IT WAS CHIYOS FIGHT.

Naruto is rude to everyone, BUT GROWS FROM IT- he was just a kid, that doesn't matter. He is a different person now.

Sakura was rude to someone, qpologies and grows from it - ITS UNFORGETTABLE. SHES A B*TCH.

What you all expected her to do?

- She is weak! - she became strong. BUT NOT AS STRONG AS THE STRONGEST, so its shit.

- She's rude to Naruto and made fun of a orphan - she was one of first people who cared about Naruto and opened a clinic for children's mental health - BUT WHEN SHE WAS 12 SHE SAID BAD THING SO STILL A B*TCH.

- She couldn't help Naruto and Sasuke in forests of death - she became a healer - BUT SHE DIDN'T HEAL EVERYONE EVERYTIME.

- She is useless - she isn't, she saved many people (including Naruto), and was especially useful during pain invasion - BUT WHEN NOONE COULD DO A THING AGAINST PAIN SHE COULDN'T ALSO SO SHES TRASH.

She gets trashed for things other people do and noone even bats an eye.

- But she punched Naruto! - so did Guy to Lee but you love them both and their relationship.

I've never seen someone call guy "abusive".

- But she was mean to Naruto! - so was everyone else, but I've never seen them risk their life to safe Naruto or his dream.

- But she only cares about Sasuke - no, no she doesn't, she cares for MANY PEOPLE like Naruto, Shikamaru ect. She even takes Naruto's side against Sasuke.

She also did many shitty things, don't get me wrong (like fight against Ino, I think she needed this to bloom, but it was indeed shit behavior), but so did everyone else.

Example - Naruto:

TALKING LIKE THAT TO A CHILD WHO LOST ALMOST EVERYTHING????? UNFORGETTABLE. RIGHT? Right?

About people like Sasuke, Gaara, Hinata, Neji, 3rd Hokage ect. I'm not going to talk because it will be material for whole different posts and it's already getting too long.

In summary:

You all are just Nejis from chunnin exams.

"Either you are born perfect or die a failure."

You all are just villagers form beginning of the series.

"WELL SOMEONE DID A BAD THINGS AT THE BEGINNING AND WAS WEAK SO I HATE THEM"

You all didn't understand Naruto as a story at all.

She is a perfect character form Naruto's definition - a noone who became important.

#anti studio pierrot #pro sakura #pro sakura haruno #pro sakura uchiha #naruto #pro naruto manga #naruto manga #haruno sakura #sakura haruno #anti sakura haters #pro sasusaku #sasusaku

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moody4world · 1 year

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ICE BOUND❄️

A/N: finally managed to finish this fic and i personally love it so i hope you guys do to!!

BEFORE READING: look up what a one handed biellman is. Personally for Michael i envisioned Michael B jordan but feel free to envision whoever you’d like🫶🏾

DISCLAIMER: apologies in advance for the angst

Jeremy x Plus size! figure skater! reader

Being an ice skater was always a big dream of yours from a very young age. It wasn’t always easy especially being a bigger size compared to the average ice skater but you worked hard everyday to be where you are now. You had met Imani in high school and the two of you have been like sisters ever since. You were there when she first met Kamal and that unfortunately means you know his obnoxious friends Renzo and Speedy too. You were there when she had her son aka your favorite and only nephew. Which means you spoiled him absolutely rotten whenever you could, especially on his birthday. You had organized a major birthday party for him in the park with large bouncy houses and barbecue.

You noticed Kamal and Imani talking to a tall white guy you had never seen before while you were fixing up the gift table and they walked over with a new one. “Yo y/n this is Jeremy, Jeremy this is y/n, Imani’s best friend” Before Imani and Kamal could say anything else, they were called over by another family member.

“It’s nice to meet you” “It’s very nice to meet you too, you look very pretty.”

“Thank you, how come i’ve never met you before Jeremy” “Oh Kamal and I met recently, we I mean I play basketball with Renzo and Speedy and he’s been giving me some advice and stuff on that” Jeremy was completely overexplaining himself but he couldn’t help it. He was very nervous because of how pretty he thought you were.

“So you’ve met dumb and dumber” You joked, referring to Renzo and Speedy. The two of you laughed together until Renzo came over to annoy you like he always does. “Look who it is, Chubby bunny and Justin Bieber” “Renzo can you shut the fuck up” You said while rolling your eyes at his childishness. “Yo white boy, you tell her you a G-league reject yet?” “I’m not a G-League reject. I’m an athlete on hiatus due to health reasons.” Renzo patted Jeremy’s chest and sarcastically said “Yeah right” You rolled your eyes at him again but luckily this time he left. Or so you thought, he wasn’t next to Jeremy anymore but he was behind you and you had no idea.

Ignoring Renzo’s unnecessary comments towards him you decided to bring up the only part that seemed relevant based off of Jeremy’s reply. “So you’re an athlete?” “Something like that, yeah” He suddenly became bashful and it was one of the cutest things you’ve ever seen.

“Well that’s great, I'm actually an athlete myself!”

*Cough*”Sure don't look like one” *cough* Renzo mumbles VERY indiscreetly behind you. You turned aggressively and glared at him, scaring him enough to finally walk away and leave you and Jeremy alone. Jeremy kisses his teeth in annoyance. “Don’t listen to him, he's always an asshole” he says, trying to comfort you at Renzo’s offensive comment. But unknowingly to him, you were already used to not just Renzo’s but other people’s rude and unnecessary comments. Especially being a plus sized girl in a sport where skinny is the norm.

Shaking your head you tell him “No it’s fine, most people have their own idea of what an athlete is supposed to look like anyway.” you shrug it off.

“Plus i’ve known Renzo for way too long. I’m used to it.”

“Why don’t I come to one of your games? What team do you play for?”

You looked at him super confused until it hit you that Jeremy must’ve thought you played basketball. Quickly correcting him you reply “Oh no no I don't play basketball..or any kind of ball actually..” as you laugh awkwardly.

“So you…..” “Skate…i’m a figure skater”

Jeremy’s eyes go wide with excitement “No way, that’s cool as fuck.” “You do those crazy spins and stuff then. That’s super impressive.”

“I mean I suppose it is..” “Don’t be humble about it, that takes a lot of talent y/n”

“Thanks Jeremy” “I’d love to come watch you perform some day actually” He suggested and took a step closer to you. At first you were hesitant but I mean…he’s cute and he seems nice so far, what harm could it cause? Plus those bright blue eyes were very mesmerizing in the sunlight, how could you possibly say no?

“Yeah sure we’ll make that happen then.” You shrugged calmly but on the inside you were freaking out.

As agreed, Jeremy showed up to your next competition and the next…and the next and now he’d even show up to your practices. He found it mesmerizing how smooth you’d glide and how graceful you’d twirl. He was still getting over his fear of the big leaps and the jumps but he loved watching you do what you did best. After the second competition he attended he asked you out to dinner which led to the two of you laughing and conversing all night.

After the third competition you two shared your first kiss right outside your mom’s bakery. And yes your mom caught you two and she could not hide the excitement of finally meeting the boy you wouldn’t shut up about. Texts became daily and non stop between the two of you and so did casual drives and hangouts. Like right now you two were laying in his bed talking about his parents.

“So you’ve been living here since then all by your self?” “Uhm…not exactly. My ex, Tatiana lived with me for a while till we broke up.”

“Oh….you used to date Tati…..the ballerina?”

“The dancer, yeah. You know her?”

“Uhm no, not really.”

Now that was a lie. You and Tatiana went to the same elementary and dance classes when you were little. You even liked her a lot as a friend until she crushed your dreams of wanting to be an ice skater when you were 8. She even went as far as comparing you to a Chubby bunny, causing the nickname to stick around even after she switched schools.

You never saw Tatiana in person again but you definitely remember her.

“Are you guys still in touch?” “I mean we work at the same gym but we’re just civil now. Why?”

“Just wondering, Jer”

“Hmm. What about you then?” He asked you.

“What about me?”

“Who’s your ex? Is he some crazy ice skating olympian i gotta watch out for?” He said jokingly, making you both laugh.

“Not far off, he’s actually a crazy football player.”

Jeremy squeezed his eyes shut. “Please don’t tell me he’s in the NFL y/n.” You rolled your eyes playfully at his dramatics.

“Even if he was, I wouldn’t know Jer. He broke up with me a year before we graduated college and completely ghosted me so I have no idea.”

“Well that’s an asshole move.”

“Tell me about it.”

The mood in the room suddenly got sad and Jeremy wasn’t having it.

“Want me to order pizza? We can get your favorite toppings.”

If one thing made you happy aside from being on the ice it was food.

And just like that the mood was restored and the night went on perfectly.

It had been a couple days since youd seen Jeremy in person due to long practices while also helping your mom with her deliveries. Today you finished said deliveries a bit early and had a special batch that your mom had made specially for Jeremy. You knew these were the hours he was usually at the gym so you drove straight to there.

Walking into the gym with the tupperware and a big smile on your face excited to see your favorite basketball playing hippie. Your excitement decreased the moment you spotted him though. There he was, being a bit more than just civil with you guessed it, Tatiana. Her hand was on his arm and they were both laughing very amicably. A million thoughts started racing through your brain but before you could escape, Tati noticed you standing at the door and pointed you out to Jeremy.

Once he turned around to see you standing there his smile somehow grew even bigger than it already was. Jeremy started making his way towards you but felt like walking was taking too long so he did a little awkward jog.

“Hey pretty, I didn’t know you were coming” He wrapped his long arms around you in a crushing hug only to realize you weren’t squeezing him back like you normally would.

Pulling away he noticed the tupperware box in your hand. “I just wanted to bring you these vegan cookies my mom made, she wanted you to try them before she adds them to her inventory at the bakery” Is what you said as simple as possible while trying to hide your true feelings of what you saw when you walked in but your bluntness and lack of usual excitement was suspicious to Jeremy.

Regardless, he took the tupperware from your hands when you handed it to him but couldn’t help and double check on you.

“That’s so sweet of her, are you sure you’re okay?” “Yeah im totally cool but I gotta get going”

Rushing out of the gym you hear him yell “I’ll text you after your practice!!” without looking back so he wouldn’t see your teary eyes you yell back saying “No need, its gonna be a late one!”

It wasn’t a total lie, you did go to practice but it wasn’t a scheduled one. You just wanted to get your mind off of your own insecurities for a bit while also practicing a certain move you just couldn’t get down. Staying true to the distracting yourself part, hours had gone by and you didn’t even notice.

After trying the one-handed biellman for what felt like the thousandth time and failing, you frustratedly sat on the floor angrily. “Don’t beat yourself up too bad, you almost had it” You jumped a little because you were not expecting to see anyone else at the rink and you were also in your own world until he spoke. It was none other than your once skating partner, Michael. “I’m embarrassed you even saw that, how long have you been standing there?” You still didn’t even bother standing up from your slumped position on the cold ground. “I forgot my charger in the locker room so I came back to get it and then I saw you getting frustrated.” “Want some advice?” “I’ll take all the help I can get Mike” “Say less, c’mon get up” He put his ice skates on and joined you on the ice.

After four consistent tries with Michael’s advice you were finally able to do the spin successfully. Out of pure joy and excitement you both hugged each other with laughs of relief and pride.

“Ahem” The sudden sound made you both turn to the direction of its source to find Jeremy standing there looking quite upset. “So this is why you left in such a hurry and didn’t wanna text me back?” He had his arms spread out to really show you that he was angry. Michael immediately got the message and decided it was time for him to leave. Once Michael was finally away from both of you’s vicinity he repeated his question since you had yet to answer. “So this is what you’re doing now?” At this point you had skated closer to him and you were eye to..almos eye. “What are you even talking about?” Was all you could ask, what did he mean by ‘this’? “You get all weird from me talking to Tati but you’re allowed to be in a rink alone with some buff ass dude?” his voice was slowly raising and he was visibly turning pink.

How did he figure out it was about Tatiana, did she tell him that she knew me?

“Hello?” “That is not the same Jeremy” “HOW IS IT NOT THE SAME Y/N?” Him raising his voice was your final straw, the tears you had been holding back came flooding down along with your insecure thoughts.

“UNLIKE YOU, NOT ALL MEN THAT TRY TO TALK TO ME WANT ME JEREMY.” Jeremy the oh so clueless was oblivious to everything that you have noticed during the few months of you two being together.

“That’s not true” He shook his head in disagreement.

“YES IT IS TRUE, YOURE JUST TOO OBLIVIOUS TO NOTICE IT, EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU GO OUT WITH ME SOME GIRL BLATANTLY FLIRTS WITH YOU AS IF IM NOT THERE”

“PEOPLE DONT APPROACH ME THE WAY THEY DO YOU OKAY SO ITS NOT THE SAME”

“YOU COULD LEAVE ME FOR SOME BETTER LOOKING GIRL ANY MOMENT LIKE EVERY OTHER GUY HAS, SO FORGIVE ME FOR TRYING TO PROTECT MY OWN FEELINGS”

Even after months of knowing you and being with you Jeremy had never seen you this hurt and angry before. You are the most soft spoken and calmest person he had ever been close to so to say he was shocked was an understatement. Along with his shock came speechlessness. All he could do was stare at you apologetically, full of regret for not putting himself in your shoes. He thought that he could think of the right words to fix things and get your relationship back to where it was a few days ago but the next words that came out of your mouth felt like a knife being twisted into his chest. The tears in his eyes mirrored yours. “I think what we had was fun but I don’t think we should continue whatever this was” “y/n don’t say that” “I’m sorry Jeremy”

Without even giving him a chance to defend his case, you skated off to the locker rooms leaving him to sulk in his heartbreak.

While you cried in the locker room, Jeremy decided to leave and give you some space. Deciding against driving all the way home with how much he was crying, he went to the person he knew could help him get you back. After three knocks on the door Kamal opened it to find Jeremy. He was surprised at his sudden visit only to become worried once Jeremy looked up and he noticed the sniffling, red nose and face covered in tears. “Yo what are you doing here? wait are you crying?” Jeremy was already so exhausted from crying that he only felt like saying the minimum. “Can I please talk to Imani? y/n just broke up with me and I don’t even know how to fix this”

Noting Jeremy’s distress Kamal decided that he’d leave his curiosity for another time. “Yeah..yeah sure, come in, I'll get her.” After offering Jeremy a seat at the dinner table Imani decided it was best to help him calm down first. “Would you like some tea Jeremy?” “Uh yeah some tea would be nice” He replied. “Okay what kind of tea would you like?”

Jeremy thought about it then simply said “I’ll just take the hottest one”

To which Imani just stared blankly in confusion. She still questioned why you were so fascinated by this goofy white boy. “….Okay” shaking her head Imani left to make him some tea.

Once Jeremy took a couple sips of the tea and had calmed down quite a bit, Imani decided to initiate the conversation that Jeremy suddenly seemed to be avoiding.

“Okay so what’s up with you and y/n? I thought everything was cool with you two”

“i don't know what went wrong so fast, she saw me with Tati at work and started acting all reserved. She wouldn't text me back for hours so I went to the rink and that's when I found her with some buff ass guy” “You mean Michael?” “I don’t know his name” Jeremy shrugged “Was he fine as hell?”At Jeremy’s offended stare Imani confirmed that it indeed, was Michael. “Sorry, go on” “As I was saying, I saw her with some buff ass guy and I may or may not have shown some jealousy”

Knowing you,Imani had more than an inkling that there was more to the story. “And?” “And that's when she lost it. I mean I had no idea she felt that way Imani. I would've done anything to reassure her from those thoughts if I knew” Jeremy’s voice had gotten more trembly the more he thought about how hurt you were during the argument. He decided to end his story there, not wanting to cry his eyes out in front of your best friend at her dinner table.

Imani could see that you meant a lot to Jeremy. She may not understand your attraction to the guy but you meant a lot to her too and that is something that her and the curly headed white boy had in common. She couldn’t believe that she was about to help him get back in your good graces but here goes nothing. She took a deep sigh and repositioned herself. “Listen Jeremy it’s not your fault, y/n has a lot of insecurities she’s still working on that have nothing to do with you. However, I haven’t seen her this confident and happy in a minute so you must've been doing something right.” She encouraged him. But Jeremy was already wallowing in guilt. “Yeah well that didn’t last very long did it” “Look, what i'm saying is…you gotta be honest and straight up with y/n about your feelings. Tell her how you really feel and what you really think. Never leave anything up for assumption with y/n, that’s one advice i'll give you. You didn’t hear this from me but that girl loves your pale ass. So go get your girl NSYNC” “ I actually prefer Justin Timberlake” “Jeremy..” “Yes?” “Get the fuck out of my house and go get y/n back” “Yes ma’am”

#ice bound #jack harlow #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x y/n #jack harlow x you #jackman thomas harlow #jeremy x reader #jeremy wmcj #wmcj fanfic #moody fics #moody4world

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echantedtoon · 6 months

Text

What If: Kokushibo Edition

DISCLAIMER: THIS WORK IS IN ABSOLUTELY NO WAY CANNON TO DEMON BRIDE AND IS NOT AN ENDING. IT IS A WHAT IF IDEA THAT I THOUGHT WOULD BE FUN TO WRITE. PLEASE KEEP THAT IN MIND GOING FORWARD.

WARNINGS: One innuendo and mentions of pregnancy.

The world was a quiet place today. Just alone with his thoughts and own work.

Widdle. Widdle. Widdle.

It was a rarity that nothing was planned for him today. No work. No responsibilities. No training. No plans. Just whatever he wanted to do today. Which again was rare but not unwelcome. He never did like being left unoccupied for too long however so it would be the perfect time to get the project he wanted to do done. Everything shall go precisely as planned.

Widdle. Widdle. Widdle.

No sounds except for the light bird chiros and the small movements of his hand held knife against the wood. The calloused hands continued their own work pushing the carving tool against the wood slicing off piece after piece little by little with precise knowing strokes. The small pieces falling onto his lap or bouncing off his legs to join the others on the floor.

Widdle. Widdle-

...Ah. There she was.

STOMP. STOMP. STOMP. STOMP.

He didn't even bother looking up as the angry footsteps approached. He knew she was coming towards him long before he even heard her. The force behind the angry footfalls for told the approaching woman's anger but again he was expecting that from the start. He felt no fear as the floor thuds stopped directly behind him. Not even bothering to stop his woodworking.

"REALLY!?"

"You have arrived...I was honestly expecting you..sooner." A hand brought up the tiny wooden piece to a maw holding a jawful of fangs. A breath blowing away any small pieces of wood splinters.

"Do you want to explain a few things going on?"

He finally bothered to turn his head slightly. Standing above him was a woman. Purple eyes staring down at him. Her pretty face brought a fragrance of hydrangeas with her, a familiar scent that calmed his senses. Her expression was one of annoyance which he had been expecting.

"What ever do you mean?"

"Oh don't play games with me." She frowned more before pointing at his face. "I wanted something specific from the kitchen for breakfast today and I was denied but I was given options. Options from a diet plan I was told YOU put into place for me."

"Oh yes. That. ...You are correct." His eyes turned back to the work in his hands-

"Kokushibo, don't you ignore me!" You marched around to stand in front of him as he continued working on whatever it is he was doing. "That's not the only thing you've decided to go out and do! I also found out from Akaza that you ordered him to stop training me for the next ten months!"

"Correct...Hand to hand combat is dangerous...for your body right now...It could put stress on you...or you could get struck in the stomach ...and I won't allow that."

"THAT MAKES NO SENSE!! I also found out that you placed Kaigaku in charge of guarding me?!"

"I'd prefer you to have ..extra protection during this time."

"You scheduled me a doctor appointment for tomorrow without asking me?!"

"I need to be able to.. monitor your health."

"You assigned nannies to 'help me with the boy's?!"

"You'll need the extra help for them."

"...When did you stop trusting me?" You gave a desperate ask making the top pair of eyes turn to you but he didn't pause his work. "If I gave you a reason to doubt I can take care of myself let alone the boys then just...Tell me what I did wrong?" Your arms flopped to your sides. "What did I do to make you lose faith in me?"

"Nothing...You haven't done anything...to make me have that opinion of you... You're capable."

You again held your arms up with a major look of disbelief. "Then why all the sudden changes without telling me first? I'm not hurt and you just said I'm capable. If you think I'm pushing myself too hard, I'll try to fix it but you have to tell me why first."

"Hm... You're certain?"

"You're my husband. I didn't think there'd be secrets between us. Koku..." Hands reached out to grab his cheeks making him pause his work and turn up to your worried look. "You promised me no secrets or lies on your vows. Honor that."

There was was from him before he sighed through his nose. "As you wish..You would have found out...from the doctor tomorrow...anyways."

"Find out what?"

"You're two weeks pregnant."

Silence. He stared as your body just... paused as if you were in a picture perfectly frozen in time. Your eyes staring ahead of you at him. Mouth closed in a small line. His bottom eyes peeked down as he continued his woodworking unsurprised by your reaction. There was silence still as you remained still... eventually you opened your mouth slightly-

"Twins", he answered matter of factly, "Both male."

You just sat there..your brain spaced out and there was a ringing in your ears as you blanked. Your thousand mile stare finally slowly refocused. You only managed to yell out one word. "WHAT?!"

"You're two weeks pregnant..Twin boys. I just...told you that."

"I-I JUST-...YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!" Your hands pulled back as your eyes shot down to your middle. It didn't even look like anything changed. You didn't even feel any different or...or... ANYTHING!!! "YOU'VE GOT TO BE JOKING WITH ME?!"

"I never jest... Especially with something so serious."

"HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW!? IM SUPPOSEDLY PREGNANT AND I DON'T LOOK ANY DIFFERENT THAN I DID LAST MONTH!!"

"I have explained how my transparent world...vision works...Have I not?" You froze as finally all his eyes looked at you seriously. Oh..You forgot about that. "I took the proper... precautions early..to avoid any headaches or danger...later. I was serious when I said...I would take care of my remaining..family."

You only stared.. before you slowly looked back to your middle and a hand shakily pressed against your stomach...still didn't feel any different. "...How did this even happen?"

"Three weeks ago...we celebrated our anniversary by-"

A hand quickly pressed against his mouth as your face went beat red. "IT W-WAS A RETORICAL QUESTION!!"

He only made your face burnt hotter by reaching up to hold the hand over his face and press a kiss to the palm. "Yes ...But the end results are welcome."

You sputtered like a fish before just groaning and resting on your knees. For a moment neither person spoke as you rubbed your face and he held your hand to his cheek. "..... How long have you known?"

"Three days...I had a hunch and confirmed...it. I figured you didn't know and wanted...to make preparations first."

"Does anyone ELSE know?!"

"Only you and I...I've told no one else yet."

That relieved you at least but then a wave of dread hit you as a thought popped up. "Oh good gods...What are the boys going to think?"

"Our children will no doubt be quite...happy... Yuichiro however will be stubborn in the beginning...but with time he will come..to terms."

Rui and Muichiro would be excited for this especially with Rui bouncing off the walls becoming a big brother...But..You gave him a slightly worried look with narrowed eyes. He seemed to instantly know what you were thinking about.

"I will not favor these children...over the previous three," he spoke with assurance. "As someone who has..had a childhood plagued with... segregation I will not subject any..of them to that."

You sighed in relief instantly turning your head down..but paused noticing something that you didn't see before. There was four cylinder shaped pieces of carved wood on the opposite side of Kokushibo's lap. All perfectly aligned in a row. Except these weren't just ordinary sticks. The tops were widdled to a semi point and there was a series of holes carved in a series down their spines revealing the hollowed insides. You stared at them before turning your head and finding a dagger and the makings of a fifth hollowed stick in his lap. Slowly you blinked before pointing them out.

"Kokushibo. Are you making...flutes?"

"Yes. I am...nearly finished with the set."

You looked back to him bewildered. "Why?"

"Gifts for our children." He finally released your hand to reach down and remove the dagger and almost finished flute From his lap despite your surprised look. "I had one...as a child..I intend to pass that tradition on."

You stared at him more .. before smiling. "Aw.~ Really? That's so sweet of you...But all of this aside.." You gave him a stern look. "I'm going to continue what I've been doing so far."

"You will not stress..your body."

You made to stand pulling one knee up. "I won't stress myself out but you can't just stop me-" A hand grabbed your wrist and yanked before you could even blink. "EEP!!"

You gasped out as you were pulled forward, and in a second you found yourself placed in Kokushibo's lap with his strong arms cradling you to his chest. The redness in your cheeks was back instantly as he chuckled.

"Just did."

"Y-YOU CHEATED!!" You casted a glare up at his smile. "I wish you would S-S-Stop doing things without telling me you know!"

"Agreed. ...That is why I did not make... arrangements for a nursery yet..That will be a joint decision."

"Well thank you for that." You deadpanned looked at him despite the red in your face and crossed your arms. "Is there anything else you did I should know about?"

"I have thought of names ...for the boys." You blinked and would've shouted at him again if he didn't suddenly gently touch the right side of your stomach staring at it as if he could see something you couldn't. You blinked at jumped slightly at the gentle touch. "Michi." You blinked as his hand moved to the other side. "Yori."

"Michi and...Yori?" Your rose a brow before looking back at him. "You named one of our sons after you and didn't ask me first? I don't dislike it but you could've at least.." You paused..."Wait.." You narrowed your eyes. "Yori??...As in-"

"Do not say it-"

"Yorichii."

Kokushibo visibly paused...and his eyes looked away. ".... Perhaps we should rethink the names-"

"Nope! Too late!" You smirked. "Mama's decided she likes those names. Their nicknames can be Mi-Mi and Yor-Yor.~"

"Stop."

"Aw. Don't tell me Mi-Mi senior is mad. I think it's cute.~"

"I regret not waiting."

#demon slayer #kimetsu gakuen #kimetsu no yaiba #demon bride #Demon Bride Lost Bits #kokushibo x reader #kokushibo

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