#where oh where has my emotional crutch gone?

[windchimesofglass]

So, hands up, who else has opened Fanfiction.net for the first time in a decade because of the attack on AO3?

[baldurs-gate-official]

Ok I just need to vent for a sec because I finished my Romanced/non-ascended Astarion run and gosh

As someone who suffers from severe PTSD... this means a lot to me. I've seen so many characters in media with PTSD where the condition isn't taken seriously/written poorly, or the only 'happy ending' they get is death.

But this... This is nice. The life I've lived is abnormal. I don't talk about it much because most people either wouldn't believe it, or might feel bad just for hearing it. I've survived torture, starvation, attempted murder, and I'm only just coming out of a lifetime of that. I was trapped for ages. Years. So many years. It's made it hard to trust people, or feel genuinely cared for. And being able to play a character on the other side of that, as someone confronted with a person traumatized and tasting freedom for the first time... and being able to help them, despite the difficulties, and get them to a place of safety and happiness is... I don't even know what word to use. It makes me feel hopeful, in a way. Seen. Understood a little.

And his reaction to freedom and safety! While it's not exactly like my own, it's so close. And I've never seen that feeling represented before. Safety is terrifying! Trusting people is terrifying! It feels impossible to believe anyone would genuinely stick with you while you work it all out.

When you go through a life of trauma, there's no such thing as safety. You get so used to the danger that going without it is the most terrifying thing in the world. Your brain and body can't comprehend that there isn't a threat. Before I escaped my situation, I knew there was always danger. I was always prepared for it, I was used to it, and knew how to tell when and how I needed to react. Being scared is familiar. It's a crutch, almost. The fear keeps you alert and alive. But... when the source of that fear is gone, you're left with this horrible feeling that the danger hasn't passed - you just can't see where it's coming from or what shape it'll take.

It's numbing. But a weird numbness. You flip between that and deep periods of, 'Oh fuck oh god, all of that really happened and now I have to pick up the pieces and live with it'.

Seeing someone else going through that, and being able to say the things I wish someone would tell me (and not even realize I needed to hear it until after) feels so good in the most aching way possible.

And the Cazador scene! There's one part at the start that hits so hard:

That last line is everything I wish I could say to my own parents. I was punished for everything. Anything I did was an excuse to hurt me, even something as simple as showing an emotion or reacting to the pain. But when I escaped it all, and my father tried to pull me back, he tried to frame it like he'd done it all for my own good. That I was the one at fault, and failed despite his best efforts to 'help' me.

I wish I had the courage to yell those words at him, instead of trying to keep peace and make myself meek. "Fuck you and fuck everything you've ever done to me". I feel that in my soul. I want to scream it at him until my lungs hurt and I can't breathe.

And his ending... He can't stay in the sun anymore. It hurts him. It'll affect him for the rest of his life. But he has someone who cares for him, who will stay with him despite that, who doesn't view it as a hindrance. I can't even describe how that makes me feel. I have wounds from what was done to me that will never truly heal, and until now I've always thought of it as a flaw that would make me unlovable. As odd as it is... Him not being able to go in the sun makes it an even happier ending for me? Yes, it hurts and it sucks. But... He's not alone. Part of him believes you'll leave him now that he's confined to the shadows. Proving him wrong feels like a final affirmation that, yes, you're really staying with him. It's real, and he won't be alone. Everything will be okay, despite the pain.

Anyways thanks for coming to my traumadump. I really wish Larian would give us more opportunities to hug Astarion.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Catch and Release

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam

Summary: AU where Jason doesn't die in the explosion and he and Tim end up attending the same high school months later.

Chapters: 11/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth, Tim Drake, Dick Grayson, Barbara Gordon, Sebastian Ives, Jack Drake, Janet Drake

Relationships: TBA

Additional Tag: Jason Todd Lives, Jason Todd-centric, POV Jason Todd, POV First Person, Tim Drake Has Issues, Tim Drake Has Issues, Tim Drake is Not Robin, Jason Todd is Not Robin (Anymore), Bruce Wayne Needs a Hug, Alfred Pennyworth is the Best, Alfred Pennyworth Knows, Stalker Tim Drake, Jason Todd Has Chronic Pain, Jason Todd Has PTSD, Angst with a Happy Ending, Unlikely Friends, Injury Recovery, Emotional Baggage, Rage, Bruce Wayne is Bad at Communicating

Chapter Eleven: Bedtime

I panicked. It was dark, and I woke up with my pillow over my face, not knowing where I was. The blankets tucked tight around me, and I gasped for air. I kicked and struggled until the blankets loosened, and I fell out of bed. The thud woke Tim, but I couldn’t hear him as I dragged myself to the door. I reached up, cracking the door to catch my breath, and Mr. Drake practically flew into the bedroom. “What happened?” Mr. Drake asked.

I shook my head as I breathed through the pain. It was so dizzying that I couldn’t focus on the source of it. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I saw her face. Sheila’s face. Lifeless. Motionless. I was trapped there for what felt like forever. I pushed my hands through my hair, nails scratching my scalp as I tried to pull myself back. “It’s okay, Dad. I’ve got him… I’ve got him,” Tim’s voice was dark and serious as he forced Mr. Drake out of the room. “Jason, it’s okay. It’s just me.”

Tim sat cross-legged beside me, and I laid my head on his shoulder. “Tim, tell me something true,” I whispered. I needed an anchor to pull me back, and his voice was the easiest thing to hold on to.

“You’re in my room… And the door’s cracked. It’s cold in the house, but you’re warm. The light is on in the hallway because my mom’s up late working,” Tim whispered, “And you’re okay… Or maybe that’s a poor choice of words. You’re safe… And you’re with your family. Because my family is yours for as long as you want.” I closed my eyes while he continued to talk, and Tim nudged me. “If you fall asleep. I’m gonna have to leave you down here. You’re too heavy for me to carry.”

I chuckled and sat up straight. “Nights like this make me wish you were older than me,” I smiled. Tim stood and helped me to my feet. “Tim?”

“Okay,” Tim answered. He slept on the opposite side of the bed that night, He might’ve kicked me in the side a half dozen times, but I felt safe. I kept my leg elevated on a pillow.

I dreamt of Catherine —my mother— and how nice it would’ve been for her to know I’d have a brother someday. I only saw her in my dreams when I knew I’d done something right. It’d been that way ever since I was little.

When I woke up, Tim was gone. I brushed my teeth, showered, changed into my school clothes, and put on my glasses before venturing downstairs, where I ran into Mr. Drake. “Sorry, Mr. Drake. I-.”

“How’re you feeling this morning?” Mr. Drake interrupted.

“I’m okay… Sorry if I woke you. I um-. I’m claustrophobic, and I got a little-. I got mixed up last night,” I confessed.

“Oh… Well, I’m glad you’re alright. I want you to know I wasn’t upset about you staying here. Tim’s alone a lot, and it’s nice to know you’ve been here looking after him… I apologize if I didn’t thank you for what you’ve done for my son,” Mr. Drake smiled as he reached out to shake my hand.

“Thanks for being Tim’s dad… He’s the best friend anybody could ever ask for, and he’s like a brother to me,” I smiled. Mr. Drake nodded and pointed me toward Janet’s office, letting me know Tim would be there. He also told me I should use my crutches more, but I didn’t mind it coming from him.

I knocked on the door, and Janet answered. “We didn’t wanna wake you, Jason. How are you feeling?” Janet asked.

I nodded, fixing my eyes on Tim to avoid the feeling of embarrassment that threatened to show on my cheeks. “I’m fine… Thank you for asking,” I replied.

“Where are your crutches, Jason?” Janet asked.

“I don’t like using them unless I’m at school and have to… Um, is it okay that Tim promised to come with me to get my cast removed today?” I asked in reply. Tim had a spooky look on his face like he had bad news, and I rubbed my arm to brace for an uncomfortable conversation.

“Are you going to be alright if Mr. Drake and I have to go on a work trip?” Janet asked.

I nodded. “Yeah, we don’t usually stay up late on school nights, and we only skipped yesterday because of the snow… I-. We’ll be alright,” I answered.

“Okay… No co-ed sleepovers, nothing illegal… I personally don’t care about rated R movies, but I’d prefer not to know about them,” Janet listed, “Oh! One more thing, tomorrow-. Tomorrow, your friend called and said she’d drive you to physical therapy. Barbara? Does she usually take you?”

“Most of the time, yeah… Um, did Barbara seem mad?” I asked.

“No, she seemed excited to see you… And she wanted you to call her,” Janet replied, “You boys can go eat breakfast now. I’d hate for you kids to be late for school on my account.”

“Dad made breakfast,” Tim replied as he rushed past me. Then he stopped, remembering I couldn’t run after him. We laughed all the way to the kitchen. Mr. Drake made our breakfast into bacon, egg, and waffle sandwiches so we could eat in the car. Mr. Drake took us to school and Tim seemed mortified the whole ride there, but I liked his mom and dad.

“This is nice, isn’t it? Us three guys in the car, listening to music and-.”

“Dad, Mom said it’s okay for me to go with Jason when he gets his cast off,” Tim interrupted. Mr. Drake nodded. “Can you pick us up at lunchtime? I’ll text you the info right now.”

“Okay… And how about we go get ice cream after, like when you were little?” Mr. Drake suggested. Tim opened his mouth to say no, and I elbowed him.

“Sounds like fun, Mr. Drake,” I smiled. Tim elbowed me in my ribs, and I took a bite of my sandwich. “Thanks for breakfast, by the way.”

“No problem,” Mr. Drake smiled.

I think he was trying more for Tim’s sake than mine. When we got out of the car, Tim handed me my crutches and scowled at me. “He’s just gonna go out of town again,” Tim muttered.

“Yeah, but I’m not doing this for me. He’s your dad-.”

“You can’t be serious-.”

“He’s leaving at the end of the week… Don’t you wanna spend some time with your dad?” I asked.

“He doesn’t wanna spend any time with-.”

“Bull… He barely likes me, but he’s being kind to me for your sake. I won’t speak for you after that, ‘kay?” I asked. I pulled at his sleeve. “Are we okay?”

“We’re okay… It’s just-. It’s gonna be weird,” Tim replied.

“Is anything about our lives normal?” I asked.

Tim chuckled. “What are we doing tomorrow?” Tim questioned.

“I’ve got P.T., and I’ve gotta beg Barbara for a favor… But once I’m better, the training begins. Think you’ll be able to find Anarky by then?” I replied.

“Uh-huh… But-. Jason? Are you actually okay? Last night was intense,” Tim whispered. I nodded.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I freaked out, but I’m okay now. Thanks for talking me down,” I answered. I could tell he didn’t believe me, but he was willing to leave it alone.

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Stilts(2019 Short Film)Watching Con-Tent for #? Days cause I need serotonin

Pre thoughts. The fact that we all make short jokes about Con makes this a necessary watch for me.

It's 7 minutes long. I would love for you to post your interpretation of it before you read mine, I want to see what y'all think.

It's 7 minutes long, just watch it before you read. This won't make sense otherwise. It's really fucking cool. A whole concept and world is built in a short film.

Also, below is an updated Con Ranking list including all the stuff I've watched! (Not this, it's just too short to fairly rank)

As usual, thanks to my mutuals who have seen this?

(special thanks to @kimmy2364 for the gifs)

@gydima @dianetastesmetal @ivegotnonameidea @treesofgreen

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey! that looks like Montana!

Also, walking on stilts is hard as fuck. As a stage manager, I did Little Mermaid and we had 2 Jellyfish guys on stilts. They almost broke their ankles multiple times. Not fun. It's impressive that the actors pulled this off.

Alright, so there's a society that walks on stilts?

Love the aspect ratio btw.

You are not making any progress on that at all my guy

Hi Con! Oh, giving disapproving father vibes.

Love the som just screaming in the background

Yeah, father, go check on him

I just love how this looks! Everything is just so tall, with so much empty room in the house. So fucking unsettling!

Earthquake? Monsters? Why is the world-shaking?

Love the TV with a whole channel of feet. Is he trying to see how 'normal' people walk?

Love Con's grunting in the background.

I?

The number of questions I have.

OOHHH Shit. It's a whole society of people who walk on stilts?

So??? Why does she(the sister) accept him?

ARE THEY GOING FOR THE FOOT ITSELF???? WHAT?????

WHY IS THERE BLOOD?????

Okay, this is giving, Religious Trauma, moving out of cult vibes.

Love the laughing.

UH, The way the son stumbles! GOD! The kid running without his stilts! That's exactly how people look when they step off of stilts after walking for a few hours. Just like how people look odd after taking off rollerblades, it takes a bit for your brain to catch up!

OH SHIT! DAD'S RUNNING AFTER HIM! RUN KID! ESCAPE!

GOD! Con using crutches to go faster with stilts is just so fucking Cool! makes him look like a creature!

I'VE SAID IT ONCE AND I'LL SAY THIS AGAIN! Con needs to be in more horror shit(ignore the 130k horror OFMD thing I wrote, I am unbiased and correct).

AHHH! FATHER'S ACCEPTING!! He probably knows his kid will never come back, but his kid will be happier for being gone. GOOD FOR HIM!

THE STACE! The dad looks so fucking alone watching his kid leave.

AHHHH!!!!! HE JUST WANTS WHAT'S BEST FOR HIS KIDS!!!!! Fuck, look at him! SMILING!!!! Encouraging her, even though he's scared. AHHHH!!!! I HAVE EMOTIONS!!!!! The fact that the credits are just over a long shot of Father trying not to cry!!!!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

OVERALL:

Due to this being 7 minutes long, I'll just wrap up with my interpretation.

The fact that there's a whole system where you must get chosen to get your stilts removed. You can't just want it, you need to be chosen, it has multiple interpretations.

Growing up in a cult and you finally decide to leave? Sure.

Kids finally leaving the nest and questioning their parent's view of the world? Yeah.

A family in poverty watching as their kids are finally given the resources to leave and grow up happy? Yeah!

Did some filmmaker have a really cool idea for a dystopia/horror world and built characters around it, Yeah!!!!!

BUT Con playing a stilt dad who just really fucking wants what's best for his kids is so GOOD! You get the sense that, while he doesn't want this for himself, he really just loves his kids.

I really fucking liked the cinematography and set design. They made a hospital feel off-putting and alien. The costumes! THE HOUSE!!! AHH!

I really fucking loved it for what it was, and want to see a whole movie/novel about this concept. Why is the exit an air hanger? Is that hospital linked to their society? Do they always need to ask to be let free? It's all just so cool.

Con's performance was just amazing, it has depth without any dialogue. He reads as sad, and scared, and proud and AHHHHHH!! It takes a lot to get me emotional, but they did it in 7 minutes and very few words. LOVE IT.

(Updated ranking)

[murasakiirohana]

🎵 + team 10

Send ‘ 🎵 ‘ ( + a character/ship ) and the receiver will name however many songs they’d like that they associate with that particular character or ship

I’ve got a lot but i’ll probably just put a few or so (under readmore because I wanna put lyrics lmao)

How Far We’ve Come by Matchbox 20 (I linked the mv because it lives in my head rentfree. Honestly this song just embodies team 10 so well, I get emotional about it everytime I hear it.)

“Started crying and I couldn't stop myself I started running but there's no where to run to I sat down on the street and took a look at myself Said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell Say your goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to

I believe the world is burning to the ground Oh well, I guess, we're gonna find out Let's see how far we've come .”

As You Are by Rag’n’Bone Man

“If the ground beneath our feet has disappeared I'll be here beside you, always be right near you Remember me, won't you?

I know we've all got our problems And it's a blessing that we made it here so far If you lay here in these arms tonight I promise I promise to take you, take you as you are

Gone, Gone, Gone by Phillip Phillips 

You're my backbone You're my cornerstone You're my crutch when my legs stop moving You're my head start You're my rugged heart You're the pulse that I've always needed

--

Like a drum my heart never stops beating for you And long after you're gone, gone, gone I'll love you long after you're gone, gone, gone.”

Bonus:

AMEN -  Damiano Feat.  Jenyer (this is specifically during the mission to avenge Asuma because I think it conveys anger similar to theirs) II It’s a Korean OST from a drama

“Close your eyes. It’s time for the payback Just pray to your God. It’s a dead end.”

[dottiechan]

ICEBREAKER Pt. 1

Read on AO3 (link in bio)

Part 1 | Part 2&3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

Pairing: Crosshair x Reader x Hunter; Tech x Reader (platonic)

Wordcount: 2389

Summary: Tech watches on helplessly as his brothers' affection for you threaten to ruin the squad.

Warnings: cursing, yearning

You’re just as cold on the inside as the ice is under your boots. It crunches with every step you take, and your heart seems to beat along with the fall of your boots, aching. You feel unsteady, almost enough to miss the tracks running in the snow right in front of you. You pause and crutch down, gloved fingers dipping into the indentations as you grumble to yourself. It’s not even your turn to scope out the area where you’re setting up camp, and besides, there is a literal tracking genius in your squad - it really shouldn’t be you who’s out here in the snow and ice, eyes straining against the blinding white of the planet, fingers freezing off as you set up perimeter alarms. And yet you just volunteered for the less than ideal task without explanation, not understanding your own decision either.

At least Tech offered to tag along, but you suspect he’s simply had enough of his brothers for a while. Not that you can blame him.

“Fascinating.”

You sigh, internally begging him to stop talking as you stand, abandoning the tracks after deciding they most likely belong to a lone whitefang. You have enough on your plate right now, with Hunter still being pissy and Crosshair avoiding you like the plague, and silence would be much more preferable right now to listening to one of Tech’s rambles.

“Did you know that this moon’s surface is almost entirely composed of water?”

“No.”

“Despite the subzero surface temperature, there are subsurface oceans underneath the ice that are warmed by the moon’s internal heat.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I wish we could stay long enough for me to study the subsurface flora and fauna. There might be plants underneath the ice that-”

“Tech.”

“-that use chemosynthesis-”

“Tech!”

“What?”

He has the decency to look flustered, one hand gripping the datapad tightly, the other flying up to adjust his goggles as he peers up at you. You didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but sometimes you just can’t help it. Sometimes, the confinement of the Marauder is enough to turn you into a ticking time bomb, irritated by the slightest seemingly innocent things. And you’ve had more than just mere sparks to flare your temper as of late.

...

His rifle is spotless, and yet he’s still scrubbing it as if his life depended on it.

Maybe it does, because if he jumps up and lowers his guard for a second, he’s out the ship and off to find you and Tech. Maybe you’re a fool sometimes, a god damn nuisance, a person he still couldn’t grow used to, but you belong with them now, you’re theirs, you’re his, and that means something to him. You frustrate him beyond reason, and he often grows callous and agitated because he refuses to allow himself to feel the emotions you elicit from him whenever you’re near him.

Even now, on an ice planet, the mere thought of you infects him with a sweet, sweet jungle fever that knocks him off his feet.

And he’s supposed to be angry now, Crosshair reminds himself. After all, you almost gotten yourself killed on Bracca, and almost broke him in the process.

“They’ve been gone for too long,” Hunter grumbles as he paces up and down like a caged nexu craving to run free. But lately Crosshair began to suspect that he craves something else, someone else, and the thought has his throat tightening in jealousy. He’s been watching, and he convinced himself that he’d misread the signs until he saw the same agitation reflect in his brother’s eyes that he himself has to wrestle with every day.

If it ever came down to your choice, he knows he wouldn’t be it, and he hates living with this knowledge.

Hunter has all the things you seem to like - unlimited kindness, longing looks, smirks that turn a little too soft when directed at you, broad shoulders he caught you staring at more times than he can count. Deep down, he’s still hoping it will never come to you having to choose, but it’s impossible not to wish to be in the centre of your attention. You drive him insane, but you also make him want to commit and stop fighting and lay down his weapons for once in his god damn life.

“Relax. They’re probably fine.”

The screen to their left lights up, and Hunter rushes across the ship in long strides before exhaling in relief. “The proximity alarms are online. They should be heading back soon.”

Crosshair sucks in a breath, worried about seeing his own emotions sitting behind Hunter’s eyes as well.

...

You were assigned to assist the Bad Batch for an unspecified period of time some months ago. You’re a versatile field agent, specialising in both stealth and combat casualty care, one of the few volunteers who were qualified enough to join the GAR. Oh, and you’re also clearly mistrusted by your new squad as they flip out the very moment you risk yourself in the line of duty. You’re not stupid, you weighed the risks carefully, and you trusted your abilities to see you through the job unharmed.

But ever since the incident on Bracca, you’re given the cold shoulder by most on the squad, and for once, the scenery matches your mood.

And yet Tech deserves better than to be cut off like that. He deserves to be listened to, and appreciated as the good man he is. You’re friends, but in moments like these, you think you don’t deserve his friendship.

“Look, I’m... I’m sorry, okay? But right now, I have too much on my mind to think about, umm, chemo...”

“Chemosynthesis?”

“Yeah, that.”

“I think I understand,” he nods, satisfied with your half-assed apology for the time being as he goes back to scanning the vast icy desert stretching as far as the eye can see. The Marauder’s lights blink in the background, orange against the dark blue of the growing darkness that surrounds you. It’s like a beacon, a sign that promises warmth, and you gaze at it longingly until you remember that you’ll have to go back to Crosshair’s scowl and Hunter’s disapproving frown and Wrecker’s awkward little smiles. Somehow, the ice is preferable once more, and the snow that just began to fall in soft flakes is little more than a mild annoyance.

“Well, aside from a few distant life forms-”

“Whitefangs.”

“Yes, most likely whitefangs - aside from those, we should be quite safe inside the ship for tonight.”

“Yeah,” you sigh. “You might be. I’m not the most popular with the squad right now, remember?”

“You are a valued addition,” Tech declares, and the certainty in his voice releases inside you the emotional equivalent of a sucker punch. All you can do is stand, and fight the sting of tears in your eyes. You’re confident, but you never in your wildest dreams imagined how difficult it would be to live up to the expectations of a special unit. You also know your worth, but it’s hard to keep on believing in yourself steadfastly when the rest of your squad doubts your every move. “Which is why the prospect of losing you elicits a rather severe emotional reaction in us. It is rare for regs to warm up to us as well as you have, let alone volunteers. Aside from the obvious tactical disadvantage losing you would mean, I believe it is a little more personal than that.”

...

Hunter knows something is off even before one of the alarms is triggered - whatever it is, it is within five clicks of the ship, making you and Tech plenty exposed before he could do anything. He was straining his ear simply to keep you all safe - so what if he accidentally heard your muffled voice, or the soft crunch of snow underneath your boots?

But now is not the time to be idle, and he knows it. He would never forgive himself if something happened to his squad. And to you, he corrects himself almost softly as he grabs his helmet and checks his weapons quickly. Despite the fact that he’s still angry about your previous carelessness, he cannot deny the forbidden yearning coiling in his stomach whenever you’re on his mind, making him just as nervous as hopeful. And to be fair, it happens more and more often as of late, which is both alarming and exciting as he never thought he’d ever have the luxury to feel this way about someone else. Sure, he knows love, he loves his brothers with all his heart even if he isn’t very vocal about it, but this is different. New, scary, exciting different, an effervescent and persevering tingling blinding all his senses.

Crosshair is beside him in less than a second, rifle in hand, silent, and they share a nod before lowering the ramp and rushing out into the freezing dusk.

When he picks up on your muffled voice, he seems to ignore everything as he breaks into a sprint towards you, hoping to reach you in time before you’re in danger. He almost misses the way Crosshair’s heartbeat picks up, the usually stoic man reeking with genuine worry as he looks through the scope of his rifle.

He can deal with this later, Hunter promises himself as he pushes down this uncomfortable feeling. But then he sees you and Tech, and he seems to forget about anything and everything - you have that unfortunate and awfully distracting effect on him.

...

“But Hunter yelled at me for being reckless for a solid hour. And Crosshair said he didn’t care if I wanted to get myself killed, but I should do it in a way that didn’t interfere with the mission. Seriously, what an asshole.”

“Nevermind what they actually say,” Tech waves his hand in mild annoyance. “Hunter was worried sick. Crosshair almost went after you. And they’re both too pigheaded to admit the real reason why they’re so worked up.”

“Which is?”

“Obviously they both view you as a potential romantic partner.”

There’s a moment of pause as you two stare back at one another before you snort and chuckle, shaking your head and crossing your arms over your chest as a futile attempt at staying warm. “Tech, you need to work on your sense of humour.”

“And you need to work on your observational skills and situational awareness.”

“My observational skills are exceptional,” you defend yourself, a finger held up in the air defiantly. “And my situational awareness is-”

“Lacking, as you didn’t seem to notice the whitefang return. I suggest we head back to the safety of the Marauder.”

Sure enough, the wild cat is there lurking amongst the ice dunes, its eyes glowing in the dark as they reflect the light of the ship. It shouldn’t pose a threat to you as it is alone, and relatively small, but you still consider wrestling with it instead of returning to the ship and facing the rest of the squad - somehow, even that feels like a fight more fair than the ones that await you upon your return. So you hold its gaze as it curiously inspects you, wishing to swap bodies and run away and avoid any more conflict. Before you can even think of returning to the ship, you hear quiet footsteps catching up to you.

“I thought I heard something.”

“It’s probably more curious than anything.”

Hunter unsheaths his vibroblade and twirls it in his hand so theatrically it makes you roll your eyes. He glances at you, shoulders all tense, ready to pounce at the slightest sign of danger, and even though his face is obscured by his helmet, you can almost see the disappointed frown sitting on his features. “You want to test that theory?”

“My money would be on the whitefang winning.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Tech.”

“Any time.”

“Relax.” The distorted rasp of your commlink is not enough to drown out the smugness of the sniper. The stand-off ends when a single well-placed shot right before the big cat sends it sprinting away into the darkness. You all turn to find Crosshair standing by the ship, his rifle still aimed at the retreating form of the whitefang.

“Well, there goes my opportunity to finally have an interesting patrol,” you mutter to yourself as you all make it back to the Marauder.

“Do all of your patrols end in you staring down carnivores?” Crosshair snorts, clearly unamused.

“Only the good ones,” you fire back, deciding not to wait for any of them as you head inside. Crosshair is hot on your heels, another string of mockery sitting on the tip of his tongue, because fuck, you’re stubborn, but he’s not going to cave in and tell you how it makes him feel to see you in danger. He can’t, however, put up with being away from you either.

Hunter lingers a little outside. He has to set himself straight, to contain all the things he wants to say you that have nothing to do with scolding you about Bracca, to kill all the feelings that suddenly demand to be felt so desperately. He clenches and unclenches his fists by his side, pretending to survey the surroundings of the Marauder. Tech moves in the periphery of his vision, but instead of following you and Crosshair, he steps closer to Hunter.

“I believe the threat’s been averted.”

“Yeah. Good job on setting up those alarms, Tech.”

“No problem. Is there anything else you need?”

“No. You should head back inside. The last thing I want is for you to keel over with hypothermia.”

“That’s not how hypothermia works,” Tech mutters, his voice trailing off, eyes uncertain behind his goggles. He suddenly places a gentle hand on Hunter’s shoulder, making the sergeant glance at him.

“Hunter, I’m only asking this because I care about you all, but... how long do you think this can go on before one of you gets hurt?”

Tech’s words echo in his mind long after he’s rejoined the squad on the ship. And Hunter just stands outside in the snowfall, watching the last rays of light disappear on the horizon, wondering which one of you he’ll have to hurt when the push comes to shove.

[perce]

pretty sure i blacked out for the entirety of 2017

[chudleycanonficfest]

The Switch

Day 10, Story #2 is by @adenei

Title: The Switch

Author: adenei

Pairing: George Weasley/Angelina Johnson

Prompt: First Date

Rating: T

TW: Mentions of character death

***********

The shop is quiet as George locks the door to his office. It’s been a month since the grand re-opening of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, and the steady thrum of customers has put the business back on track to where it was before the untimely closure due to the war. Things are different, of course, with Fred not being there, but George’s family and friends have stepped up and offered more support than George knows what to do with—not that he wanted it in the first place.

  In retrospect, he is thankful for his family and friends, Ron and Angelina in particular. They helped him put down the bottle and get his life back on track. 

  “Fred wouldn’t want this.” Angelina had told him late one night while she and Lee were staying over in his flat that smelled of days-old Firewhisky and hadn’t been cleaned since before they’d gone into hiding at Aunt Muriel’s.

  “How would Fred feel if you let everything the two of you worked for go to shit? How would you feel if the tables were turned and if it was—” Ron had yelled as he snatched the half-full bottle away from his brother and dumped it down the drain. The emotion was raw as the words caught in his throat, the end of the phrase hanging between them like the weight of a bludger pulling them down and grounding them.

  At first, he’d been pissed, but they were right. Fred wouldn’t have wanted George to resort to any of that. And even though he’d been begrudging in accepting help to begin with, George knew he wouldn’t have gotten the shop up and running as swiftly as he did without everyone’s help. The hole in his heart still ached, and not a moment went by where he didn’t miss his brother, but finding a new stride in this post-war life is exactly the push George needed to not only move on but also honor and make Fred proud.

  As George makes his way onto the main floor of the shop, a figure standing behind the counter makes him pause. He’d recognize that silhouette anywhere, the unrequited crush from his Hogwarts days now thrust back in his life, as if to taunt him of just another thing he’ll never have.

  “You’re still here?” The exhaustion is apparent in George’s voice after a ten-hour day.

  “Yeah, I wanted to make sure you didn’t stay on and try to do all the inventory yourself again like last week.” Angelina runs her fingers over the various displays of fireworks that are locked away behind the checkout area as she lightly teases George.

  “Nah, I learned from that mistake. Besides, don’t you have your regular job that you need to get back to? Now that things are running smoothly again, we’ll be able to manage without the extra help. Especially once things die down after the first.”

  “I don’t mind spending a few hours here after work, you know that. Things’ll start to pick up again soon once the Quidditch season gets underway, I’m sure, but right now, my corresponding duties are light. Call me crazy, but I’ve enjoyed spending more time with you lately. Almost makes me feel like we’re back in Hogwarts, you know? When real life and responsibilities seemed so far away.”

  A chuckle escapes George’s lips. It was true, all this time they’d been spending together, especially with Lee and sometimes Alicia, almost made everything feel right again.

  “Well, we can hang out in other places, too. I swear I don’t live at Wheeze’s.”

  “George, you live upstairs.”

“Ah, bugger off.”

  “I’m only teasing.”

  “And all I’m saying is if you want to do something outside these walls, all you have to do is ask.”

  “Are you hungry, then?”

  A genuine laugh bubbles up into George’s throat at Angelina’s brazenness. “Bloody hell, woman! Impatient much?”

  His outburst brings a smile to Angelina’s face, brightening the dark circles under her eyes from the extra hours spent helping out. 

  “You’re the one who said to ask. So, what do you say? Fancy a drink and a meal down the street? It’s late enough that the Leaky shouldn’t be too busy.”

  “I s’pose it couldn’t hurt. Beats making something for myself, that’s for sure.”

  “Great, let’s go.” 

  Angelina walks around the counter and reaches out to take George’s hand in hers. An electric shock shoots up his arm from the point of contact, and George has to stop himself from pulling away from the surprise of it all. A memory flashes through his mind of twinkling lights amongst a silver backdrop in the Great Hall all those years ago. He sees two figures dancing and twirling to the music of the Weird Sisters, one with flaming red hair much like his own and the other whose sapphire gown swished against the travertine floor. The memory brings a reminiscent smile to his lips as Angelina tugs him out the door.

  When they reach the Leaky, the pair settles into a quiet booth in the back of the establishment, away from curious eyes. It’s late in the evening for a meal, which is made evident by the empty tables and chairs scattered throughout the pub. Only a handful of patrons litter the bar, allowing Tom to be attentive to their needs. 

  George takes a large swig when the barkeep returns with Butterbeers, and they place their orders.

  “No shot of Firewhisky tonight then?” 

  George shakes his head. “I told you, Ange, I was serious about stopping. I can’t use the bottle as a crutch for grief anymore.”

  Angelina nods as she observes him intently. George can feel the heat of her gaze trailing over him as he takes another sip from his drink. 

  “You’re staring.”

  “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

  “Oh? And here I was thinking I was mesmerizing you with my dashing good looks,” George quips. 

  Angelina smiles, and for a moment, George thinks he sees a blush on her cheeks before she recovers.  For all the time they spent together during Hogwarts, and more recently in the months following the war, George finds it odd that they’re struggling with conversation now.

  “Knut for your thoughts?” asks George.

  “Just that it’s been nice reconnecting with you. And Lee. Circumstances are shit, of course, but with my hectic schedule during Quidditch season, I don’t get much time for socializing and friends. I even had to drop my registration for the semi-pro league I was hoping to play for.”

  George nods, and his stomach twists as he processes her words. That would mean she’d be leaving soon once things got busy. He’s overcome with the urge to see if her job is something she’s passionate about.

  “Do you love it? Your job, I mean.”

  “Well, yeah, if I can’t play professionally, the next best thing is writing and commentating. Plus, I’ve gotten to see the world all on the Ministry’s dime. Can’t complain there…”

  “But is it something you see yourself doing for a long time?” George presses. He doesn’t mean to sound judgmental, but he needs to know if it’s even worth it to pursue.

  “Well, after graduation, it seemed like the right fit. The opening was there, my parents were encouraging me to see the world, and I didn’t have anything tying me down. Honestly, I think my parents thought it was safer for me to travel, especially with the war on...”

  And what about now? 

  George is nodding his head up and down while the question ricochets in his mind. He opens his mouth, gathering the courage to allow the four words to escape his mouth when Angelina interrupts him.

  “Well, there are some openings that would allow me to stay in London that have just come up. They’re looking for commentators and stats writers for the matches played in the Kensington stadium. So, if you needed an extra hand at the shop, I could stay—”

  “—I don’t want you to stay for the shop. If you want to travel the world, you should. I doubt you’ve seen all the world has to offer in two seasons.”

  No! What are you thinking! 

  George can almost hear Fred chastising him for his rash response. It doesn’t come out the way he meant it to sound, and he knows he messed up given the crestfallen look on Ange’s face.

  “I only meant—”

  “I-I’ve actually already put in for the London job, George. And I promise it’s not because of the shop. Lee promised to help me with commentating, and this way I can play again. I start training next week. You know how much I missed playing Quidditch, and now that England is safer, I can stay and have the best of both worlds.” 

  The longer she goes on, it feels like she’s rambling and going on with a laundry list of pre-prepared reasons, which doesn’t sound like the Angelina he knows. It’s almost like she’s trying to convince herself that those are the reasons she’s staying, and not for anything else.

  “Oh.”

  Ange rolls her eyes. “Don’t worry, I know you and Fred always used to think you two were the center of the universe, but I promise I didn’t choose to stay just for you.”

  Her voice is light, and she’s smiling, but George can’t help but sense something else lingering beneath the surface. Disappointment, perhaps? Or maybe he’s just reading into things too much. Hoping something might be between them that really isn’t. He forces himself to stop overthinking and simply enjoy her company instead.

  “Well, I, for one, am happy you’re staying. We’ll be able to get together more often, and it’ll almost feel like our Hogwarts days. Maybe I’ll even be able to convince you and Alicia to test new products again.”

  Angelina nearly spits out her Butterbeer at George’s joke as Tom approaches with their meal. He knows he’s not fooling either of them; the irony is that the girls were always two steps ahead of him and his brother. They were the only two in their year who managed to avoid becoming test subjects to all of their prototypes.

  The two fall into more reminiscing as they tuck into their fish and chips. George doesn’t realize how ravenous he is until he starts eating, and he’s even more grateful for Ange’s suggestion now.

  As they are polishing off the remainder of their baskets, the topic of conversation falls on the Yule Ball, as Ange remembers how Fred had tossed the wad of paper at her.

  “It was romantic, wasn’t it?” George jokes as he remembers his brother’s ridiculous attempt at asking a girl out. “Still don’t know why you said yes to that tosser.”

  To this day, he’d always resented his brother for drawing his wand first and asking Ange to the ball. Of course, George knew it was all meant to be a bluff. It was Fred’s attempt to get his brother to buck up the courage and ask Angelina for himself. 

  George remembers it vividly. “Just ask her. What’s the worst she’ll say? No? Fine, if you won’t do it, I will.”

  When Fred had gotten Ange’s attention, George had no idea what to expect. They were usually well in tune with each other, and George could anticipate Fred’s moves, but when his brother had asked Angelina himself, it took George by surprise.

  “We were getting down to the wire, weren’t we?” Angelina interrupts George’s thoughts. “No one else had asked me, so I figured it was better to go with one twin than none at all.”

  George chooses the wrong moment to polish off the last of his chips. The fried potato catches in his throat, and he coughs it up, all while reaching for the last dredges of his Butterbeer to clear things out.

  Did she just say it was better to go with one twin than none at all? But then that would mean… 

  “Ange, don’t tell me you were waiting for me to ask you.”

  She shrugs and averts her eyes from his gaze. “I mean, I wouldn’t have been disappointed if you’d asked, let’s put it that way.”

  After this revelation, George burst into laughter. To anyone else in the near vicinity, it probably sounded like he should be admitted to the Janus Thickney Ward. He hasn’t laughed this hard since he and Fred were able to pull off a prank on Muriel shortly after arriving at her Manor at the end of March.

  “You—Fred—I—me—” He can’t seem to formulate a coherent string of thoughts until Angelina goes from amused to offended.

  “Honestly, George, I didn’t realize it was that funny. Forget I said anything.” She checks her watch and gathers her bag. “Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all. It’s getting late, and clearly the thought of the two of us together appalls—”

  She’s in the process of standing up when George sobers from the onslaught of irony and reaches out to grab her wrist.

  “Ange, wait. I’m not laughing at that. Just—just give me a chance to explain, yeah?” He pulls her into the bench beside him, where she lands on her bottom harder than she needed to as she lets out a loud huff of indignation.

  “Fred never intended to go with you when he asked.”

  “Excuse me?” Her eyebrows have raised so high on her face that George is surprised they haven’t gotten lost in her braids.

  “No, what I mean is, he’d been pestering me to ask you since the ball was announced. He knew I had a thing for you—obviously—and was being supportive.”

  It felt weird for George to admit that he fancied Angelina in school now, after so many years of keeping it close to his chest. Fred and Lee were the only two who ever knew.

  “So, what are you trying to say, then?”

  “When Fred asked you...I was shocked, too. I didn’t realize he’d already devised a plan that I didn’t cotton on to right away.”

  The look on Angelina’s face transformed from defensive to shock to comprehension, all in the span of a few seconds. “Don’t tell me…”

  “Being an identical twin has—er, had—its benefits.”

  “So.. are you trying to tell me that I didn’t go to the ball with Fred?”

  “Nope.”

  “And at the end of the night, when I kissed Fred in an attempt to make you jealous, I was actually kissing you all along?”

  “Sorry if it was disappointing.” The wisecrack escapes George’s lips before he can stop it.

  Half of him is expecting Angelina to slap him for the ‘switcheroo’ that he and Fred pulled, and in fairness, they deserved it. What if Ange actually had fancied Fred, and they’d pulled one over on her?

  But to his surprise, Angelina does the opposite. She leans in and kisses George right then and there. The same shock he felt when holding her hand earlier ignites within him once more as he lets his body take control. He allows himself to get lost in the feel of her lips, realizing that it’s the first time he’s truly felt like himself since Fred’s passing. He even dares to let himself think he’s found happiness again.

  Eventually, George pulls away as his lungs begin to burn from the lack of oxygen. They remain close, foreheads touching as he offers a weak smile. 

  “Y’know, I was going to tell you it was me at the end of the night, but how could I when I thought I was going to break your heart when you thought you’d kissed Fred?”

  “You’re insufferable, you know that?” 

  “Yeah, but you can’t argue with sixteen-year-old George’s logic, can you?”

  Ange rolls her eyes and leans back. George misses the contact as soon as it’s gone.

  “What do you say we get out of here?” Ange raises her eyebrows in question as if tempting him to follow when she scoots out from the bench a second time.

  George pulls enough money to cover their meals out of his wallet and leaves it on the table before scooching out behind her. He pays no mind to the remaining customers as he pulls Angelina back into him and whispers in her ear,

  “I’d say we’ve wasted five years of pointless pining to wait any longer.”

[arklay]

okay so yesterday i was like i might make a post about what made me lose my mind, so here it is. it still won’t hit as hard without all the actual context in my brain and the feelings and the development and the journey, but yeah. yeah. it’s long so... uh strap in (tw: injury, cpr, death?, guns)

so i have briefly mentioned this before but a few months before the mansion incident, diana does get caught up in something which ends up being resolved by s.t.a.r.s. resolved as in it goes to shit. details extremely vague, but them on this mission to rescue a hostage, end up pulling her unconscious body to the side, and wesker almost loses it right then and there. many hands looking for a pulse and his are amongst them, trembling uncharacteristically. she’s not breathing and he is the one that obviously goes okay i’ll do cpr while commanding others to call an ambulance, get an aed, etc. anyway, he won’t let anyone take over, even when it seems like it’s not working, and when he’s asked by jill if she wants him to do it so he can have a break, he actually snaps at her and everyone is taken aback by that. their usually calm and collected captain is anything but in that moment. he doesn’t give up though, not gonna lie there’s probably a frustrated tear he hides... and in that moment, nothing matters but her. umbrella, spencer’s motivations, his undercover mission, none of it. the whole team are just confused, like why is he so adamant in trying to save this woman for how much time has passed, who is she and what is this about? and it’s a very ‘oh, he’s human’ moment for them because they have never really seen him show emotion like this before. someone may have made a comment that it was probably time to stop and accept that she was gone and he may have threatened one of his team member’s lives <3 he just rests his forehead against her chest when it’s clear to him that she’s gone, but nope, a tiny gasp. and while everyone is praising him for not giving up like oh, look at our great captain blah blah it’s all background noise to him, he’s entirely focused on her while waiting for the ambulance to get there. then at the hospital when he’s answering the staff’s questions, they ask what his relation to her is and the moment he says “husband” the whole team’s jaws drop to the floor lmao

diana was pretty lucky though. whatever happened to knock her unconscious and cause her injuries is still up in the air, but she came out of it with like a mild head injury, a fractured leg and some broken ribs (ahem, from him doing chest compressions, not even the situation). but her recovery was hell. the moment they get home and he’s moving to pick her up out of the car, she snatches her crutches so fast. “that will only make me feel worse.” because of both her pride and how stubborn she is, but also because something she is absolutely terrified of is becoming dependent on another person and during her whole recovery, needing help at times and having to admit that was the worst for her. also trying to get her to rest when all she thinks about is her work is another thing. like i give you one moment where she was lying in bed, fine, and wesker goes to get ready for the morning in their en suite, comes back and she’s just fucking gone. immediately heads to their home office, picks her up and takes her back to bed and gets all stern about her staying there. this whole thing was really tough on him as well because even though he won’t show it, well he does get a little distant (more than normal), he really had a moment there, because he thought he lost her. the only other person besides william that he’s ever really let in, he almost lost her. and it may have partly been his team’s fault, if only they had acted the slightest bit more cautiously. but he will never let that happen again, no one is taking her away from him, he’ll make sure of that. any time he gets a call from her during her recovery, or even for a while after she returns to work and someone from umbrella calls, he gets the slightest bit of panic building up in his chest that something has gone horribly wrong

as for why she was caught up in all of this, well, that’s the start of the thought that had me losing my mind. in short, it was an attempt to get rid of her. someone high up in umbrella had ordered her to be disposed of because they grew suspicious of her – with good reason, she is undercover – and wesker recognised something that pointed to umbrella about the team they had taken down when they got to her, even though they weren’t wearing any u.s.s. gear. but there’s the question of why wasn’t s.t.a.r.s. steered away from it? and why wasn’t he made to cover it up? so he realises soon enough that spencer didn’t authorise this. and uh. the next time he and sergei run into each other, it’s not a great situation. if you don’t know, they have been rivals since wesker joined the intelligence division because sergei was suspicious of his motivations. anyway, in a very even voice sergei just asks, “how is your wife, comrade?” and wesker immediately realises what sergei, spencer’s most loyal officer, had done without permission, solely because of his suspicions of diana, without any real evidence, and who knows if there was motive to hurt wesker himself. but he can’t touch him, even a threat would be too much for his position, so he leaves it at narrowed eyes and wary glances

now i’m gonna be unhinged. he had already brought up his worries that umbrella were targeting her but when he tells her it had to be sergei, she’s hesitant to speak and respond to what he’s saying, because that confirms to her that umbrella have caught onto her position within the company, or at least that sergei finally acted on his suspicions that he has questioned her about before, namely why she can speak certain languages fluently, or why she was trusted so easily to become a part of the nest’s staff, and her extensive knowledge outside of just virology. he keeps trying to figure out why they would go after her when she finally just can’t lie to him anymore and she sighs, tells him that she doesn’t work for umbrella, that her surname isn’t sharp, and he just goes quiet. when he’d first met her, he had a feeling something was off, but he could never find anything about her that would poke holes in her story, he figured she was just doing her research and held no loyalties to the company, but there wasn’t anything shady going on. and it’s not like it’s all been a lie, she hasn’t told him that part of her life, but he knows about her education and the situation with her family, he knows about her past relationships, her health, he just never knew her real surname or her employment with the organisation. they covered her tracks extremely well considering umbrella’s reach. and things get tense for a few days, that’s inevitable. until he just comes to terms with it, that they are more alike than he already thought, that she was able to deceive him as he has done to so many others before, even to her at first, that they both came from scientific backgrounds and were used as agents (though she was still a researcher, just relaying information), and he can’t help but just be impressed by her because not only did he trust her, umbrella only just picked up on it after her being there for around 4 years. he already saw her as an equal, but now... 

but he does have a moment of doubt. he wonders if their marriage was out of convenience for her while he fell really hard, but he doesn’t even need to say anything before she tells him to stop thinking like that. “i did not expect to fall in love with you.” and she tells him that she didn’t know who he was at the start, that she wasn’t aware of his position, still under the impression he was a former employee of umbrella, but it truly was because she just found him interesting... after a while she had asked the organisation’s intelligence officers for information on him but even they didn’t have anything to suggest he worked for umbrella anymore, the latest being his involvement at the arklay laboratory before he “left” (moved to the intelligence division). she was trusted enough by umbrella to know that he was an intelligence officer after a few months of him being in s.t.a.r.s. but before that she really just thought – no matter how odd, though it wasn’t unheard of – that it was a career change for him. and he freezes up. she was interested in him without any of this knowledge, she went on these dates with him without some idea that she could get information, that he was a guaranteed in on the company’s secrets. he would have been deemed a distraction to her mission... like she was a distraction to his... and they have a big oh moment. they really just crossed paths and saw something in the other that they didn’t think they ever would, and that started out as a bit of fun, something they didn’t expect but it wasn’t unwelcome, which led to feelings, then love, and then he – who has never fully committed to a relationship before – married her. and it’s just. she told him things she has never told anyone before, things he could have easily used against her. he could still sell her out. he can do whatever he wants. he can kill her right there, she’s putting it all out on the table for him. she even grabs his samurai edge and shoves it in his hand before bringing it to her chest, telling him to kill her. that she deserves it for lying to him for so long. and he just. his loyalties in the last few years were already wavering with umbrella, he isn’t going to choose them over her, he is entirely devoted to her. and he could have just killed her right there, but he didn’t, he chose her

[wardenannie]

heyy! saw you were taking prompts so i thought i'd send you onee.

could you write a spicy levihan oneshot based on levi and hanji reuniting after a long time being apart? it can be canonverse or a modern au, whatever youd'd like!

love love love your writinggg <333

Love this prompt. I'm writing this as a modern AU where Levi and Hange met in the military and fell in love. Later on Levi is injured and is honorably discharged but Hange remains active duty. 💚

Boomers having seggs under the cut ;)

-

Eight months. He hasn't seen his wife in eight, long months.

He drives to the airport in a car modified to accommodate his disability. His right leg has never worked the same since the bullet. He rolls through the terminal in his wheelchair. People look down on him, the little man in the little chair, but he doesn't care.

Levi is going to see Hange. His Hange. They fell in love on the field of war, and as far as he knows there is no stronger bond. He misses her touch, her kiss, the low ramble of her voice.

He misses his Hange.

The circumstances of her return are less than ideal. An IED has left her missing an eye and badly burned. They had to airlift her to Germany where she recovered without him. She hadn't wanted him there. Hadn't wanted him to see her so broken.

It still broke his heart.

Now he waits by the baggage claim, watching the arrivals. Frankfurt 8:20 am, on schedule.

Levi checks his watch; its 7. He has some time to kill. But all he can do is wait, staring at the arrivals. His good leg jiggles with anxiety. His good eye never wavers from that screen.

The hour passes like molasses, the final twenty minutes like cement, but finally a familiar head of russet hair rounds the corner. She's on crutches still, and she wears a patch over one eye. Most of her is covered by her military greens, but he can see the burn scars on her left hand and cheek.

She has never looked more beautiful to him.

He wheels over to her as fast as he can, breathless, grinning.

Hange meets him, leaning over to pull him into a tight hug. Her warmth is rejuvenating, he has not felt so whole in a long time.

The first thing she says to him, breathless in his ear, is a joke; "Between the two of us we've got one working set of eyes, smalls."

"I'll watch your left if you watch my right," Levi replies, then he pulls back from the hug to kiss her deeply, not caring who sees.

A few people, seeing Hange's uniform and Levi's chair, begin to clap for them.

Levi just wants them to shut the fuck up.

-

They make it back to their apartment in record time, both of them grinning like idiots as they pass over the threshold.

Hange drops her single duffel bag in the entry way and inhales deeply. Then she sighs, eyes becoming sad, "Assimilation back into civilian life is going to be hard, isn't it? Especially now that I look like the crypt keeper."

"I'll be here to help you," Levi stands up, folding his chair. He limps over to her, leans on her, kisses scarred jaw. "You're beautiful."

Hange shakes her head and helps him into the living room. They sit on the couch, hands clutching at one another, loath to lose such a precious thing as touch after so many months.

"You can't see the worst of it, it's under the uniform," she explains. "I honestly think it'll make you sick."

"Hange," Levi leans forward to kiss her, bit she avoided him.

"I lost my left nipple, you know? Burned clean off. My tits are lopsided now," she cups them, dropping his hand. He can't tell anything through the uniform. "God Levi I feel like such a monster."

"No," Levi snaps, drawing her into his arms. "I almost lost you, four-eyes. They told me you had a fifty-fifty shot. I thought I was going going lose you. Now that I finally have you back I won't listen to this shit. You're my wife. I love you so much it fucking hurts, burns or no."

Hange sniffs, peeking out between her fingers.

Levi leans forward to kiss her forhead, "I missed you so much. Everyday I wasn't with you killed me a little bit, Hange. Knowing I wasn't there to protect you."

Hange inclines her head to kiss his lips. Chastely at first, but Levi deepens it, cupping the back of her neck and pulling her closer to him by her waist.

His tongue traces along her lower lip and she grants him entrance. She tastes like the mints she always sucks on when she flies. Hange moans softly into his mouth, one hand cupping his scarred cheek.

They part by a few inches, and Levi asks softly, "Are you ready for sex? Does it still hurt?"

"Sometimes I can still feel the fire in my skin," Hange shivers, then she kisses his jaw. "I want you to take it away."

"Hange..."

She takes his hands. Both of them are shaking slightly, "Make love to me, Levi. I want to feel whole again."

In the past he would have lifted her and carried her to their bedroom. But now his leg will not allow for that, so he hoists her up with an arm around her waist, lips working at very neck and jaw as he guides her to their marriage bed.

It's the same as when she left. Black duvet, white sheets, all neatly laid out and folded by her husband.

He lays her down on the duvet and crawls over top of her, beginning to work at the buttons of her uniform. Her hands caress down his chest to the hem of his shirt, which she tugs at lightly.

Levi finishes the last button, then sits up to remove his crew neck before gently pushing Hange's top off of her shoulders.

"You've been staying in shape," she marvels softly, caressing her hands over the scarred marble of his skin.

He shrugs, eyeing her breast bindings hungrily, "Physical therapy got me on an exercise kick."

"I've gone a little soft," Hange sighs, "So many weeks in hospital, you know?"

Levi begins to undo her breast bindings, deft fingers pulling them away strip by strip. When she is bared to him he marvels at the mottled pattern of her skin; olive and red, silver and purple. Like she said, she is missing a nipple, but he hardly notices for the joy of being with his wife again.

"You're beautiful," he breaths softly, and he leans over to lavish her branded skin with sensual kisses.

Hange moans softly, fingers curling into his hair as his tongue traces along sensitive scar tissue.

"Levi," she moans. Eyes fluttering shut.

He begins to descend, following the line of scarring that divides her body in two. His tongue traces along her navel, and when he reaches her waistband, he looks up to her with hooded grey eyes, begging permission.

Biting her lip, Hange nods frantically, "I want your mouth on me, it's been so long."

Levi hums in agreement, peeling her trousers and simple cotton panties down her thighs in a single movement. It has been far too long.

Her cunt glistens wetly in the low light of the bedroom. Here she is the same, here the fire has not touched her, so when Levi lowers his tongue to lick a hot stripe up her folds, he knows just how to make her twitch.

His lips seal over her clit, feeling it harden and swell under his assault. His fingers find her entrance and press inside, curling backwards in a familiar pattern, pads brushing up against her g-spot.

"Oh shit, Levi," she throws a burned arm over her eyes, cunt already beginning to twitch and tighten around his fingers.

"Come," he commands softly, low voice vibrating against her clit. "Come for me, Hange."

She does, thighs shivering as she falls apart on his fingers. She makes a high, keening sound that makes Levi smile as he pulls his wet mouth away from her pussy. He presses a kiss over her mound then stands, undoing his belt and shucking his pants.

His cock bounces free, heavy, swollen and beaded with precum at the tip. Now they are both naked save for the wedding bands they wear on chains around their necks.

Hange smiles at him, scooting up the bed and beckoning with a pink, scarred finger. All of her bashfulness over her wounds has melted away, "It's been awhile, Captain. I needed the warm up."

He crawls over top over her, kissing her breasts before kissing her lips tenderly. Missionary is his favorite position, so he can look into her eyes while they make love.

He reaches between their bodies, lining up the head of his cock with her entrance.

"Ready?" He whispers against her parted lips, holding her stare. Their is fire in both of their eyes, a love like none other. Slate holds to wine as she nods and he slides into her, smooth and easy.

Entering Hange is like coming home. Levi shuts his eyes and let's the sensation surround him, swallowing him up. He tucks his face into the crook of her shoulder, moaning softly as he begins to thrust, slow and steady.

"Levi," she whispers his name. "Levi, Levi, Levi."

Her fingers caress down the switching muscles of his sides and she clutches at the globes of his ass, urging him to go harder, faster.

The feel of her cunt is sublime, tight and wet and hot around his dick. She kisses his temple as he makes love to her, then her hands rake up from his ass to cup the back of his neck, pulling him into a deep kiss.

Levi snaps his hips as hers roll to meet his. His fingers trace delicately over her scars as his tongue curves along the back of her teeth.

When they part, panting and flushed, he exhales against her lips, "I missed you so much."

Hange nods, fingers curling into her shoulders as her cunt begins to tighten around him. There are tears in her eyes, tears of deep seated emotion still unspoken. Tears of a wounded soldier. Tears of lovers reunited at last.

Levi's hips begin to stutter, cock swelling, balls tightening to his body.

"Come in me," Hange implores, holding his gaze. Her eyes plead, "inside, please."

Then her body goes tense under him, and she makes soft panting sounds as her orgasm takes her in waves.

Levi's lips part, eyes hooding as his thighs and groin go alight and he finishes inside of his lover.

He gives a few, final thrusts, working himself deep before he collapses on top of her. They both pant, sharing gentle kisses in the sweetness of the afterglow.

Levi holds Hange to his chest, fingers tracing along her scars.

"You're so beautiful, Hange," he breaths, emotions rising in his chest. "You have no idea."

Hange kisses the corner of his mouth, eyes hooded and lazy. Mixed fluids drip between her thighs, "So are you, Levi."

Her fingers catch on his chain, following it down to his ring. It mirrors her own, a simple golden band.

"I love you," she says. "And I'm never leaving you like that ever again."

Levi nods, "Likewise, and I love you, too."

Reunited at last, they sleep.

[enmy-writes]

Just Let Me Help You

Summary: Zuko, trying to keep is girlfriend safe, unintentionally gains the trust of the Gaang after a showdown with Combustion Man.

Word Count: 2728

Fandom: ATLA (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Pairing: Zuko x Fem!Reader

Genre: Mostly fluff, is fluff-angst a thing? Idk guys I’m soft, you tell me.

Rated: 18+

Content Warnings: Profanity, some gore graphics (brief mentions of blood, killing, murder), uhhhh that’s it I think I’m sorry if I forget anything else.

****Huge shout-out to my friends Kenz and Jenna for editing this and hyping me up. Hopefully, since this semester from Hell will be over soon, I’ll be able to write more. Please request things! Thank-you all for supporting this and let me know more of what you want to see in the future :) Also, feedback is always welcome. Enjoy!****

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They had landed the war balloon days ago, stalking the tired and defeated Team Avatar and trying to figure out how the complicated Fire Prince would convince the people he chased for months that he wants to help them now.

(Y/N) was stoking the hot flame provided by the fire bender, making sure the coals were burning a cherry red before she added leaves and herbs into a pot to make a stew for the two to enjoy. Her eyes followed Zuko as he paced back and forth, practicing what he was going to say when he finally decided to confront the rebel group, lips turned upward in an amused smirk.

“Hey, Zuko here…” she heard him say before he started rambling a bunch of nonsense about his past; from his discovery, to Azula, to his father-- all the tragic topics. It took him about three minutes, but he finished with a hopeful look in his direction.

“Well?!” He clenched his fists at his side in a nervous gesture, only wanting to get this right.

The girl on the log cleared her throat before speaking, obviously hiding her laughter from the sensitive boy. “Well… it’s perfect. I especially liked the ‘Hey, Zuko here’ part. I’m sure that Aang and his friends with be very pleased to finally learn your name instead of thinking you’re called ‘Angry Ponytail Hotman’.’’

He groaned loudly, rubbing his eyes with clenched fists. The melodic laughter from his companion tempted him to give up his quest and just run away with her and live a happy life free of his father and his destiny… whatever that may be.

Still laughing, (Y/N) stood from her log by the fire and made her way to Zuko, coming up behind him. Her arms slid right around his slim body, holding on tight as she tried to pull his mind from the depths of his insecurities.

“Zuko, love.” Her voice is soft, but intense. “Just go down there. I won’t lie, they might not take you right away. You have done a lot of damage to them and their goals.”

His warm hands slide down the tops of her forearms and slide between her chilled fingers, entwining them together as Zuko grips her like she’s holding him down on the land they’re on.

“I… I just…” He struggles to get his feelings out, finding it hard to convey how he feels even to the girl wrapped around him.

She shushes him. “I know.” Is all she says, as they stand there in a momentary comfortable silence before she detaches from him to continue dinner.

____________________________

Zuko had told her to stay behind, that he’d be back to either get her or because he failed to convince the group that he came to support them, instead of harm them.

“Zuko! I could easily be an alibi for you. A reason for them to trust you!”

“No. End of story. They could attack me and you’re in Fire Nation clothes. You’re staying here.”

A staring match between the two only lasted a few seconds, but (Y/N) let it go; remembering Iroh’s advice that sometimes the boy has to do what eases his mind to grow.

The empty pot gleamed an orange glow from the flames, a light in the dark woods that surrounded the two as they lounged by the fire.

(Y/N) was carding her fingers through the upset prince’s hair while he stared at the sky; confused. His emotions spilling onto (Y/N). He didn’t talk much about the encounter, only enough to tell her that they wouldn’t be helping the Avatar defeat his father anytime soon. Rather than pressure him, she offered her solace with calming actions rather than words.

The two had met in their early childhood, (Y/N)’s father being the leader of the Yuyan Archers and of course the Fire Lord wanted the talented girl to meet his… troubled son. In hope that she could help bend his son into the ruthless leader the nations needed to proceed him. Though they didn’t see each other as much as they should have due to (Y/N)’s schooling, the two quickly became close friends and were often found with Lady Ursa quietly running around the palace grounds.

His banishment led to (Y/N) perfecting her skills, and becoming the master she was destined to be, given there was no more distraction. No one could understand her in the way that Zuko did— they fit together like they were made for one another. Where he was hotheaded, she was cool; Where he was nimble and direct, she was resourceful and hidden. The two were the perfect set of opposites who ultimately balanced each other. And one without the other was a heartbreak everyone could see.

When she heard the news of his return, she rushed to the palace; radiant as ever. In an instant, the two fell back into where they left off;  barely any words needed between the two. Her fingers and lips had trailed over his scar often in those few days, brushing away the tears and insecurities that came with it.

Leaving the Fire Nation with Zuko wasn’t even a debate in her mind. She was tired of the life of lies and torment that her nation inflicted upon the world. She had spent the last two years relocating and rebranding people who were targets to the Fire Nation. In total, about one hundred innocent lives were saved from her dangerous missions. Her skill level was better than even her father’s, and she prided herself in her abilities. (Y/N) was truly a professional in her art with the eye of an eagle.

When she caught Zuko writing a letter to her with packed bags on his bed, she instantly went into the shadows and caught up with the boy easily, hiding in the balloon behind the engine for a while until it was too late for him to turn back. It was hot and the most uncomfortable thing she has ever done, but she regrets none of it. She joked with the boy; how did he not question a pile of fabric behind the piece of equipment that holds fire? She let it go after he hugged her close and cried for a while.

“Don’t do that shit again, Zuko.” Her voice was stern, though her voice stern, she held him close. She ghosted her fingers over his tense shoulders; the shoulder that carried such burdens. She pressed her fingers into his shoulders; trying her best to rub the tension from his body. 

“I won’t. Never again. Don’t leave me, I need you.”

A rustle of leaves and broken trees in the forest near the edge of their little camp put the two into defense, instantly gripping her perfectly crafted bow and quiver. Her ears pricked at a slight movement and she aimed her bows in the direction of the noise without even looking. Suddenly, green clothes fill the area as a younger girl makes her way into the clearing. Startled, Zuko sends a wave of fire towards the intruder, burning the girl.

Everything happened fast.

(Y/N)’s left foot—her plant foot—sunk into the ground and twisted inward, releasing a loud crack into the air. The Earth girl was long gone now; Zuko had been screaming at himself when he heard the cry of pain and the sickening noise that left the lips of his girlfriend.

The earth has released its hold on her, but the damage was done. She kneeled, trying to hold back tears but failing as they kept streaming down her face in a pain response. Zuko’s own eyes filled with tears as he ran over to her, helping her sit down and take the tension off of it.

The joint was already beginning to swell, black and blue and purple and yellow starting to show up in swirls around the area. Zuko carefully tried to feel the injury, barely touching the girl in fear of hurting her more. (Y/N) sighed, pushing his fingers away and ignoring his protest. She rotated her foot outward, cringing at the pain, but crying out when she turned it the other way. Zuko cupped his hands around her ankle, hands heated slightly to hopefully alleviate the pain.

“Baby… it’s okay—”

“No, you’re hurt! I knew this would happen!” He cuts her off with a panicked yell. (Y/N) places her hands on the sides of his face, forcing his eyes upon hers with a slight wince of discomfort.

“It’s most definitely, at worst, a fracture. I can still move it outwards without a lot of pain. It’s, like, a week off my foot at most and then another week with a splint and a crutch. I am okay, Zuko.” They stared at each other for a solid minute, saying nothing.

"Promise?" Zuko whispered.

"You think I would lie to you, Zuko?" She says as she wraps her pinky his for good measure

They turn in not too long after, (Y/N)’s ankle wrapped up in some extra clothes for stability. Zuko’s arms hold her to his chest as they slip off into the world of dreams.

_________________________

Oh shit. She thought from her perch on top of the cliff edge. The assassin that they have also been trying to find has been blowing up the place, really testing the stability of the edge of the cliff in shakes after shakes like an earthquake. Zuko had told her to stay at camp, but unfortunately for Zuko; (Y/N) was never that good at listening to commands.

She was sitting down, watching the Avatar, his friends, and her boyfriend try to figure out how to win this fight against the combustion bender, feet dangling over the edge. She didn’t want any pressure on her foot from standing on it; settling for the dull throbs of pain coming from the force of gravity alone.

Some third eye. (Y/N) thought to herself as she watched her boyfriend get too close to being blown off the edge of the cliff, wincing. She quickly strung her bow, aiming it at the man. She smirked, a devious smirk, and aimed it in a precise location.

Zuko was still trying to talk the man out of it when suddenly, his eyes went blank and the grossest sound he has ever heard reached his ears. Everyone watched the man, confused as to why he just stopped. It’s not until red trails down his forehead and around his nose in a slow trickle that they look at his eye.

In the middle of the red eye, that at one point seemed indestructible; an arrow sat; a perfect shot — his perfect shot. "Bullseye!" (Y/N) howled, her voice resonating in his ears.

In the midst of Zuko's panic, he failed to recognize the cliff he was standing on becoming increasingly unsturdy; turning he locked eyes with the archer. A ghost of a smile graced her lips, pride radiating off of her. Though he was angry, he couldn't help but share her pride. He locked eyes with his girlfriend who was sitting nonchalantly on the cliff edge above them all, waving nonetheless, when he told her to stay back. It’s then that the earth beneath him rumbles and falls, taking him with it.

“Zuko!” She screams, jumping to her feet; a loud crack coming from her ankle, buckling under the pressure and bringing her to her knees.

With a hobble in her step, (Y/N) climbed down the cliffside. The tears ran down her face at a ferocious pace, making her way over to the cliffside, a loud sob relented from her mouth as she saw Aang helping Zuko up over the edge of the cliff. 

"Spirits, Zuko!" She breathed, limping her way over to him and hugging him tight. "I should kill you, you fucking idiot!" She sobbed, pulling him into her chest. 

Zuko huffed out a laugh, wrapping his arms around her. He took deep breaths, calming his nerves from his near death experience; he focused on the feeling of her hand carding through his hair to grip it tight, and the hold on his shoulders. As he calms down, he remembers that he told her to stay put; and he sharply pulls away.

"I told you to stay at camp!" He huffed, "I told you I was coming back for you!”

She scoffs pushing on his forehead with two fingers. “In case you have forgotten, Zuko, I have authority issues. If I weren’t here, who would be saving your stupid royal ass? No one! You’re welcome, by the way. He wasn’t going to negotiate, Prince Pouty, and you and everyone else here is no good to the world dead.”

“You—You---You could’ve been hurt! (Y/N)! Or worse!” His protest was a whisper, trying to make the scene more private as he’s aware of the crowd around them.

“Zuko, love, I can handle myself. I’m a master at my craft--.”

"—your craft of carelessness, you could've been killed—"

"—but I wasn't Zuko!"

"That's not the point." His voice stern, making it clear that the conversation was done for now. (Y/N) simply nodded, pulling away from him and fixing her clothes.

Aang, Toph, Katara and Sokka watched the two as they argued; watching as they continuously tried to out-care the other. They watched as the two eventually stopped arguing, instead remained staring, as if daring each other to speak

“That was a ... nice shot? I guess?" Aang spoke, clearing his throat and drawing the couples attention to him. "He's definitely you know, dead."

(Y/N) smiles at the boy. “Thank you, Avatar, for helping save this dumb ass from falling off a cliff.” She gets up and bows to him. Zuko suddenly picks her up, the world turning sideways as he put her bridal style in his arms.

“Stop putting weight on your ankle!”

“I’m literally showing respect to the person who just helped you, is that a crime?”

“What if you break your ankle so much that you have to cut it off.”

“Oh, now you’re just being ridiculous.”

“Okay well you were first when deciding to sit on the edge of a cliff with a broken ankle.”

“You’re right! Sitting is dangerous. Next time, I’ll make sure to stand so at least I’ll have a better chance of reacting if the cliff side starts falling from under me. Oh wait, you were standing, and you still fell.”

Zuko sets her down on a broken rock that’s suitable enough for her to sit on. “Will you just shut up already and let me help you.” He reaches for her ankle, but she moves it from his grasp. Their eyes meet again and narrow in competition.

A mess of limbs as the (Y/N) evades the grip of Zuko, occasionally slapping his hands away if they get too close.

Sokka tilts his head in confusion and opens his mouth. “Is he—is he actually caring for someone?”

Aang nods. “I think? I don’t know, they’re kind of fighting a lot.”

Toph cringes, “Guys, I think it was me who hurt her in the first place. Last night at their camp. Zuko instantly stopped trying to help me when I heard her scream.”

“Guys… I think I’m supposed to let him be my master. I mean, he did just risk everything to save us.” Aang says, eyes locked on the one member who he cares more about than anyone.

Katara, still holding off on agreeing, looks to the two Fire Nation kids again.

“Ow! You bit me! Are you crazy?!” Zuko yells, shaking his left hand out.

The stranger girl laughs cheerfully. “Only crazy for you, stupid.”

And a phenomenon occurs. Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation blushes and looks down at the ground, a huge smile on his face.

“I hate you.” Is all he says.

“Yeah, I love you too.”

Katara, seeing the humane side of the prince, finally lets her guard down and walks over to them. Zuko’s eyes widen at her proximity, but the water tribe girl holds his gaze.

“I’ll heal the girl if it gets you two to shut up. And you have to find dinner for tonight.”

Katara’s eyes widen again at the sight of the crying prince who suddenly bows to her feet, thanking her with his whole heart. He then turns to his smiling girl beside him and pulls her into a hug.

“Thank you, (Y/N). For everything.”

“I’ll always help you… stupid.”

[eldritch-elrics]

more svsss notes! from “shen qingqiu’s short but aggravating time in jail” to “shen qingqiu Fucking Dies” :]

...this got long. oops

so the book does this a lot but i’m always a huge fan of when a character (in this case little palace mistress) spouts off a cliche and sqq internally goes “oh my god here we go again. cringe.” it’s like... the reader gets to experience the drama of the cliche but also laugh at it

airplane has gay and homophobic vibes. or like...... araki jojo vibes. it’s so funny

the system keeps forcing sqq into plots that were originally meant for binghe’s harem members, which is of course hilarious (more so now that binghe’s not a teen anymore) - but i’m thinking about the fact that the system is literally powered by binghe. i wonder if binghe’s feelings are subconsciously influencing the system/the rest of the plot? like we know he has plot armor; does he also have enough influence to shift the story’s genre without knowing it? shit like this is why i love this novel. i’m really curious if it’ll be addressed

more of sqq being absolutely terrible at communication <3 please sir. say your FEELINGS. i’m sure you could figure out some way to explain without revealing that you know how the og plot goes...

another thing i find super interesting about sqq’s character is how sure he is that lbh’s gonna turn out how he did in og pidw. he’s just refusing to accept that lbh’s changed in any way, or that he cares about sqq at all anymore. there’s some line somewhere where sqq is like “oh no, being nice to him just made it worse... i’m stuck with him hating me even more now...” like NO. you’re just refusing to see all the signs of lbh’s hidden feelings. love unreliable narrators lmao

fate/destiny is such a big theme i keep noticing stuff about it

the system giving him a multiple choice answer to binghe’s “do you regret it” question, dating sim style, is of course hilarious, but it’s also a fascinating moment for a couple reasons. first, it shows how much of a crutch the system is for sqq - sqq’s leaning on it to fix his problems instead of actually putting in the work himself to get better at interpersonal communication. i hope that in a key moment later he’ll choose to defy the system. i think that would be a nice pivot point for three themes: first, accepting that sometimes he needs to fix problems on his own, without any omniscient outside guidance, second, accepting that not everything is written in stone (either by airplane or by the system), and third, recognizing that binghe and the rest are “real people” (ymmv on whether or not you think they are, but i think this is where i think sqq’s arc is headed) rather than video game objects to be manipulated.

i think that some shifts in his attitude do start to happen in chap 43 though when he sacrifices himself

back to slightly less analytical observations! sqq getting his clothes torn up. oh my god. and lbh’s REACTION...

dying at shang qinghua’s “coded” letter and the fact that its content basically amounts to “i fucked up, please escape from jail asap thanks bro”

gongyi xiao my BELOVED that prison break was pretty great. also i am so fucking sad about him. binghe WHY

so lbh wasn’t actually a disciple of meng mo? huh...

seems like the words of sqq’s vengeful ex weren’t completely true. i very much doubt the trial’s gonna happen now but i bet this will come up later

seriously losing it at sqq’s tavern disguise? smeared his face with dirt and drew on whiskers?? CATBOY SHEN QINGQIU???

love this development ning yingying’s gotten. the disciples’ relationships with their shizun in general are so cute omg

liu qingge keeps saving sqq from situations and it’s very fun. bros :)

also how lqg was like SO down to fight binghe at the end of that chapter?? king shit

binghe held out his hand to sqq when they were on the roof..... what was he planning to do.........

oh my god that whole confrontation. what is it with mxtx and Climatic Fights On Roofs

here is where the fate theme gets REALLY clear. sqq uses “we can’t avoid fate” as an excuse/coverup but lbh is like “no. was it fate that made you do all those horrible things to me?? i’ve decided that fate doesn’t actually exist. fuck the world i do what i want!”

which like. YEAH. protag energy. the rules of the world don’t apply to lbh so much do they???

im so excited for these themes to be explored more

also like. hell yeah. binghe finally sharing his emotions at a super climactic moment

and then sqq SACRIFICES HIMSELF...

god damn.

it’s a bit out of nowhere but also like. i kinda love it? because sqq knows he can’t talk his way out of this. he can’t say “hey it wasn’t me who abused you/made the choice to push you off the cliff.” so he goes and does the most drastic action he can think of. and it WORKS

now initially i was a lil mad about lbh changing his mind so quickly but i actually think it fits for 2 reasons. first, he’s a webnovel character. they do that. second, his mind has just been cleared of xin mo’s influence, which had been plaguing him during his most angry/violent moments, so with all that anger suddenly gone it makes sense for his feelings to shift. and deep down, he really does care about sqq!

sqq fuckin DEAD and finally binghe is sharing his feelings,,

i do think that lbh should be allowed to feel mad about what og!sqq did to him in the past though? like. it was wrong, and though sqq may feel like he’s made up for it, i do think he owes lbh a proper apology and (if possible) an explanation. there’s much more work (and communication) to be done between them but i’m glad they’re finally getting somewhere...

but of course i don’t think they’re gonna be seeing each other again anytime soon :]

[dsmp-shitposts]

OKAY I'm in an analysis mood so!!

Here's why "Savior" by Rise Against is such a good song about c!wilbur and c!Tommy's relationship in the dream smp!

Firstly tho I just want to give an honorable mention to the first lines of the song: "it kills me not to know this / but I've all but just forgotten / what the color of her eyes were / or the scars and how she got them." it's such a good c!bee duo line and I might have to analyze it in another post lol

(there's kinda a tldr at the bottom if you don't want to read the specific lyric analysis and just was the overall analysis!)

The lyrics I want to analyze (these are more about characterization) are: "as the telling signs of age rain down / a single tear is dropping / through the valleys of an aging face / that this world has forgotten." this is about wilburs resurrection. the first lyrics, "as the telling signs of age rain down" are about how much more different Wilbur looks to Tommy after he was resurrected. wilbur was in limbo for what he perceived to be 13 years, and he shows it physically. he has the white streak of hair that signifies his revival, and I know there's a popular headcanon that wilbur came back "wrong." "A single tear is dropping" is referring to Tommy's reaction to the revival. we know he was in disbelief and even angry at wilbur being back, but intense emotions also can bring on tears. it's a very natural response from your body. The third line is pretty much the same as the first, but "that this world has forgotten" is about wilburs impact on the history of the smp. obviously he's been a very big player in many major plot points, but since his death he has mainly faded to the background in most characters minds, especially after ghostbur's library with all the records from lmanberg got destroyed. as the smp progressed, wilbur got talked about less. focus shifted from him to dream who really emerged as the villain in the story after wilburs death. we can see the impact of this after wilburs revival. everyone on the smp had gotten used to living without him for so long, growing past the people they were when Wilbur was alive. and now when Wilbur gets revived, he expected fanfare and everyone welcoming him back, but in reality people's memory of him faded.

okay now that we have the preface lyrics, we can go into the ones that are more about tommy and Wilbur as a duo. the first ones before the chorus are "but seldom do these words ring true / when I'm constantly failing you / walls that we just can't break through / until we disappear." I'm gonna analyze this with the first two lines and the last two. the first two lines are from Tommy's perspective about him trying to constantly please wilbur. we see this with him gathering lots of stone for him and following Wilbur to stand against Las nevadas and quackity. but even with all of this, Tommy still feels like he's "constantly failing" wilbur and that he needs to do more in order to stay in high regard in Wilbur's mind. we could even look at these same lyrics from wilbur's perspective! wilbur might have felt like he's failed Tommy for not being there for him for the time he was in limbo. I know Wilbur doesn't know about what dream did to Tommy in the exile arc, but I'm betting that if/when wilbur finds out about that, he will feel horrible for not being there himself to stop dream because wilbur cares about Tommy. (this could even lead to him resenting ghostbur more because ghostbur was there but wasn't able to do anything). now with the second half of these lyrics, the "walls that we just can't break through" is referring to the emotional vulnerability, or lack thereof, between the two. I'd argue that wilbur is more emotionally vulnerable to Tommy than Tommy is to wilbur. now, there is a severe lack of communication between the two, but wilbur drops "trauma bombs" where he'll unload something all at once and suddenly. he doesn't do much internal reflection of his feelings, instead wanting to share with others, Tommy in this case, to get validation. with sharing, he wants people to agree that he's a bad person but at the same time wants them to refute those ideas so he feels like he's healing without actually doing anything. now Tommy does more introspection about his feelings (cc! Tommy monologuing) and doesn't feel as big a need as wilbur to share his feelings and trauma. and besides, Wilbur dominates the conversation most of the time anyways so Tommy wouldn't likely be able to carry a constructive conversation about his own feelings without getting talked over by wilbur.

now we're moving onto the chorus! it goes: "that's when she said / 'I don't hate you / I just want to save you / while there's still something left to save' / that's when I told her 'i love you / but I'm not the answer / for the questions that you still have.'" I see this as a conversation between Wilbur and Tommy; Tommy saying the "I don't hate you" section and Wilbur saying the "I love you" section. it's important for Tommy to make it clear to wilbur, and himself, that he doesn't hate Wilbur despite his past betrayal of lmanberg. wilbur thinks everyone hates him, so Tommy consistently sticking by his side is a reminder to Wilbur that he isn't alone. Tommy staying by wilburs side is also how he's ensuring that wilbur doesn't spiral again ("I just want to save you"). he knows that wilbur still isn't in the best mental place, not having the right environment to heal in limbo, so it's more crucial in his mind to be wilbur's crutch right now because it'd be very easy for wilbur to spiral again ("while there's still something left to save"). wilbur, with his part of the lyrics, wants to ensure that Tommy knows he still cares about him despite being gone for a long time. now for the last part of wilburs lyrics, I would love for it to mean that "wilbur understands that he can't be a good mentor to Tommy anymore because of everything that happened. he wants Tommy to realize that he does care for him but their relationship shouldn't function with Wilbur as a mentor anymore," but that wouldn't be accurate to their canon relationship. wilbur still wants to be Tommy's mentor because that's how their relationship has always functioned. my hope is that in wilbur's healing process that he realizes he doesn't have to be a mentor to Tommy, they can just exist as friends. and I would love for Tommy to realize that it's not his job to save Wilbur! while having friends you can talk about your emotions with is good, he shouldn't have to push his own feelings aside to prioritize wilbur's. wilbur also needs to learn that self reflection is a part of healing

the final specific lyrics I want to analyze are: "one thousand miles away / there's nothing left to say / but so much left that I don't know / we never had a choice / this world is too much noise / it takes me under once again." the first three lines, in my opinion, all relate to the fact that Tommy had gone through so much while wilbur was dead, such has dream's manipulation. the last three lines of this section, which are honestly my favorites, are relating to both of their revivals. even though wilbur and Tommy have developed so differently since the lmanberg and pogtopia eras, they have this one thing in common. Tommy didn't have a choice in his death or resurrection. both were committed by dream and have contributed to the massive amount of trauma and PTSD that Tommy has. wilburs death was practically by his own hand as it was an assisted suicide, but his resurrection wasn't his choice, again done by dream murdering ghostbur. that line could also refer to wilbur not feeling like he had a choice in living anymore, feeling like death was the only option for him at the end of his spiral. the last two lines refer to the mental problems that both Wilbur and Tommy are still facing. we talked about wilburs a bit with his need for validation and him villainizing himself in his mind. Tommy still struggles with suicidal ideation, seen most recently with his comments while on the balcony in Las nevadas. he also struggles with his triggers from the final control room and the prison that we see him try and speedrun exposure therapy for. what I'm trying to get at with this is that wilbur and Tommy have developed so differently while away from each other but they have their resurrections in common.

OKAY CONCLUSION TIME!! (also kindof a tldr)

while Tommy and wilbur have been apart from each other for a while and developed in different ways, their relationship after both of them have been revived is centered around both of their relationships to healing from their trauma. Tommy feels like he's the one who has to "save" wilbur and keep him from spiraling again, letting his own feelings be pushed aside to prioritize wilbur's. wilbur lets himself be the saved to Tommy's savior. he consistently seeks out validation for his own feelings instead of taking the time to sort out how he really feels about the things that have happened to him.

if you read this far then oh wow thank you!! I hope this made sense and I'd love to hear what you think of the comparisons to this song!

[amwritingmeta]

15x19: A First Ending

This was a good episode! Oh, I know, I know - we didn’t get Cas back. But oh, boy, that should mean that Misha shot for five of eight days for 15x20 and that makes me want to rub my hands together with the hope of what that might mean. All the good things!

Oh, don’t hang your hopes on mine btw. I had very high hopes that we’d get Cas back, or very strongly established as coming back (as per 13x04) with a final scene of him waking up in the Empty or something like it, and that didn’t happen, but omg I’m so glad they didn’t.

When Jack started praying and reaching out to Cas my heart almost stopped. 

If Dean doesn’t instigate Cas’ return, then oh it would take away too much!

But then Jack’s moment didn’t lead to anything, and now, the more I think about it, there more it feels like a plant. A reminder of how he prayed to Cas the last time, and woke him. We shall see, eh?

And then we got Dean telling Chuck to bring Cas back, which was a pivotal plant as well. I’d been worried if they hadn’t mentioned Cas more than once, with Dean telling Jack and Sam that Cas sacrificed himself to save him, yeah? 

If there had been no more Cas for the entire episode then, narratively speaking, I would have started wondering what role Cas might actually play in 15x20.

But Cas was mentioned more than once. We even got to hear his voice and have that fake return to stir our... I almost wrote loins, but that’s not appropriate so let’s change it to stir our... martinis. 

Ah yes. We could all use a drink, I’m sure.

The dog as well! Dean was so happy and he carried the dog and petted the dog and put it in Cas’ spot in the backseat and was all, yes, emotional substitute! And then... poof. Because it’s not going to be that easy to replace Cas. *fingers crossed*

Here’s mostly why I’m hopeful for something quite different as the actual finale of the show, the proper wrapping up of these character journeys:

This first ending is for those who have followed the show explicitly to watch these two brothers. (yes there’s a word for them but let’s not)

It ends exactly how these viewers -- and quite possibly the writers who wrote it -- always saw the show ending. It gives an emotionally satisfying wrapping up of all the thematic threads of the show and gives the brothers their hard-won freedom, and keeps the brothers riding in Baby, together, indefinitely. 

And these viewers and fans will always be able to stop watching the show there and keep that as their perfect ending.

Except it’s not the ending-ending. Is it?

This episode neatly and gorgeously wrapped up the Michael/Lucifer/Chuck storyline. It wiped the slate completely clean. Especially with Michael killing Lucifer and Chuck killing Michael. These characters just completely annihilating  each other because they’ve all served their purpose.

And Chuck being drained of his powers and ending up ignored, never to be worshipped again, or even remembered, is such a fitting ending for him! And with Dean refusing to kill him, leaving him to his fate, I’d call that Dean integrating his Shadow.

No more fearing it. It’s powerless. Thanks to Jack (Dean’s inner child) who now holds all the power in the universe.

I’d say Dean Winchester has reached a point of internal balance.

And for all of these good things: Chuck powerless, Jack the New God, surely helping to fix what Cas broke by restoring Heaven (I’m assuming Heaven will be repopulated or that God’s grace will level it out) and Jack stepping into shoes that Cas once tried to fill and failed to, to the detriment to so many of his kin, is simply stunning.

I cried, properly, at Jack’s speech. It was beautiful.

But for all these good things and wrappings up of stuff, didn’t the ending feel kind of superficial? Like stuff was missing in those final five minutes or so? Like... I don’t know... Sam mentioning Eileen maybe? Because surely she was brought back along with everyone else, and one episode ago he was losing his mind over the loss of her.

And they didn’t even mention Cas. Jack mentioned Castiel as a good influence, but Cas was just bunched in with “everyone we’ve lost along the way”.

Meh.

Hey, it’s fine if all you care about is Dean and Sam and you think that they’re at their happiest when they get to drive along a road in Baby, listening to tunes and play-fighting and reminiscing about all those people that have come and gone, while they know they’ll always remain the same.

I mean, if we hadn’t gotten that montage at the end of this episode (a fucking MONTAGE ppl) I would’ve started thinking that maybe Misha was coming back to shoot flashbacks for 15x20, as we got to see the brothers remembering Cas (like with Mary), taking a walk down memory lane and driving around to well-known locales for a final hurrah.

But we got that fucking montage, ppl.

Leaving me to feel that they probably won’t also spend forty minutes rememberembering those same people. You know?

Also, dull. And Dabb is anything but dull. And Dabb loves pulling on stuff he’s hinted at in the first ep of the season. 

And I remember reacting to Sam being the one to escort the kid and her mother into the, what was it? The high school, right? For safety.

While Dean and Cas had that tense exchange by Baby, where Dean couldn’t not ask if Cas was okay and Cas saying, hopefully, that he was, but Dean remaining stone faced and distant. “Awkward” is what Belphegor called it.

Oh. Please let there be awkwardness in 15x20. I beg on bent knees. Beg, I say!

Anyway.

What is 15x20 going to be about if it isn’t about finally answering the question of what will make the brothers happy?

A balanced universe, of course! But freedom without love... sounds kind of lonely to me. 

So, have they answered the question of What do I want? yet? Is this what they want for themselves? More of the same? This season has hinted that it isn’t. It’s hinted very strongly that it isn’t.

So, I’m holding my breath that Dean’s final confrontation is to do with happiness and daring to want it for himself. Daring to admit to wanting it for himself. Daring to go after it... 

Cas does not belong in the Empty.

And hope that it’s telling how Jack didn’t even think to get Cas out of there and bring him home. God got Lucifer out of the Empty so Jack definitely has the power. 

And Dean didn’t ask him to get Cas out of there, not because he doesn’t still want Cas out, but because it would ruin the first ending for the people who want Cas to stay dead. Yeah? 

It’s kind of beautifully done, to my mind, as a nod and a thank you to the people who have supported one reading of the show. It’ll be difficult for them to go apeshit when Dabb and the writers can simply tell them they don’t have to watch further than 15x19 and be content that they’ve got an ending that lets them cling to the brothers as the begin all, end all.

And yes, I remain believing we will get Dean and Cas together-together before the end of the show. I have no clue how much of a together-together we’ll get, but for the show not to give us a clear understanding of how Dean loves Cas back is unthinkable at this point, and will stay unthinkable until the show tells me otherwise, because nothing but those two together makes even a lick of sense to me.

Dean’s feelings were in the subtext this episode because that’s where they always have been and hopefully fingers crossed because this ending wasn’t for us, it was for other sides of fandom, giving them room for denial, if they simply don’t want to see that what Dean wants is Cas back.

Our ending isn’t happening until next week.

Dean: It’s a helluva time to bail. There’s a lot of people counting on you. People with questions—they’re gonna need answers. Jack: The answers will be in each of them. Maybe not today, but someday.

For me this may be setting up for 15x20.

Dean could be said to be accepting the reality of Cas being gone this episode. He starts off not telling the whole truth about what happened with Cas (of course), he’s drinking himself stupid, he tries to demand of Chuck to bring Cas back, he finds that emotional crutch in the doggo and he moves into acceptance because what else can he do?

Especially if he’s still reeling and is struggling with his fear of happiness, with not feeling deserving, with it being easier to simply let it all go.

But.

Letting go of the need is healthy, allowing it to make way for the real want that is about choosing Cas, not because he feels lost without him, but because Cas completes him...

That would be something. 

(oh shush let’s get with the romance) (Jerry always brings it)

The brothers love each other, but throughout this narrative there’s been hints that they both long for more. So much more. It would be so weird if it didn’t all wrap up with more being wanted and chosen and offered and had.

So if the answers are to be “in each of them -- someday”, then maybe Dean just needs to reach a moment where he’s ready to admit to himself that he can’t stand the fact that Cas died not knowing that Dean loves him back.

I wonder if Sam will push for this admittance... I’d like to witness that conversation, that’s for sure.

And Eileen. I hope she’s back sooner rather than later next episode!!

What’s next episode going to be about if it’s not about the breaking of old patterns to make way for new ones...? Are we going to follow the boys around as they do laundry and cook and make a few tentative plans for their unknown future? They won’t be hunting much in 15x20, at least if Dabb is anything to go by. I guess there might be something brief as a final The Boys With Their Weapons Doing Their Thing, but... it won’t be a case episode. And it would’ve been strange if it was, you know?

So then. Hope. One more week breathing eating sleeping on hopes and wishes and we shall simply have to wait and see what we get.

I have every faith it will blow us away, but I’m also sitting pretty. Reining in those horses lest they run away with me. And whatever comes our way, I’m so grateful for this show!

[jetaime-jespere]

Prompt #130/164

130 & 164 fit well together as kind of a “two parter”.

Oh my god! You’re in love with her! Why can’t they see they’re meant for each other?

Despite the image he maintains with relative ease, David Rossi wouldn’t consider himself an expert in love. Far from it, actually. After all, he’s been divorced three times, each one a bit more dramatic than the previous. He’s broken hearts as many times as his own has broken. It’s a relentless cycle that has made him overwhelmingly astute, the kind of wisdom that comes from years of experience.

He’s undoubtedly charming, knows his way around a wine cellar, and can woo even the most jaded of women.

Love, however, is a different story.

But if there’s one thing he prides himself on, it’s calling it when he sees it. As he’s learned over time, love is sometimes inconvenient, usually impractical, and something is always lingering in the shadows to tear it apart. It’s a test of survival, one he’s failed many a time.

Those years of experience are how he comes to the conclusion that Aaron Hotchner is head over heels in love with Emily Prentiss. He’s annoyed at himself for not calling it sooner, for not seeing the signs. Because today was one hell of a sign, and as he walks away from the crime scene, his heart pumps just a little faster, a bead of sweat lingering on his brow. A sign that was just a little too close for his comfort.

They’re in Boston this time, having been called in to catch a killer targeting brunettes in nightclubs. And as day two blends into day three without much more than a tentative profile and preferred location, they have to take a different approach. One Dave should have seen coming.

It’d been Emily’s idea to go under, posing as a potential target, one Aaron disagreed with from the beginning. Dave had watched him shoot her down immediately, an utter disregard that bordered on downright rude in front of half the Boston PD. It wasn’t the curtness of his voice that got his attention, or the way he held up his hand as if to shush her when her mouth opened to question his directive. It wasn’t that. It was concern, maybe even a touch of fear he’d seen in their normally unflappable Unit Chief. He’s met with Emily’s fury, an anger that radiates through her eyes, her arms curling across her chest in defiance.

But they have no other option, because catching a nightclub killer isn’t going to be easy, as Emily reminds him, unwilling to back down. It’s a good plan, she suggests, because she fits the bill and knows the profile.Aaron’s face darkens at the prospect. “He’ll walk right into our trap,” she reasons before it’s almost a done deal, and she changes into the slinky emerald green dress that somehow appears from nowhere.  

Dave has an inkling his reluctance goes beyond more than just simple concern for a subordinate just moments before they leave for the club. When sees her angrily stalking away from him, wearing that green dress that turns every head in the station, her hair fixed and fully made up, he knows there’s something between them. Something that’s been going on for awhile now. Aaron follows behind her, his mouth pressed into an angry line and his jaw set. His eyes don’t even linger on the dress - which suggests he’s seen it on her before. The only question is when that was.

“Disagreement?” Dave attempts with discretion as Emily disappears around a corner, her spine stiff and her shoulders squared.

He says nothing in return, only fastens the FBI vest around his waist, a sign of his defeat.

But as it turns out, in the end, Aaron was right, and Dave isn’t sure he wants to know all the details of just how he finds him bent over their unsub, menacing with a gun in his face less than two hours later. The Boston PD swarms around them too, their own weapons drawn in preparation. Aaron is seething, hissing that it’s over, an expletive falling from his lips.

“Hotch,” is what Dave says evenly, almost pleasantly, because what he recognizes in his face is rage. Rage for the fact that Emily was found with maybe seconds to spare before things went from bad to worse, with two broken ribs, a badly sprained ankle, a fractured cheekbone from being pummeled in the face. “We’ve got him. Go.”

When he escorts their unsub into a police car - a man whose name isn’t even worth uttering - he spies Aaron hovering around the open doors of an ambulance, mere inches away from Emily’s side. She’s bleeding at the knees, her face already swollen, as she’s loaded into the ambulance en route to a Boston hospital. They got lucky tonight, as they often do, but this one carries a little more weight. For more reasons than one.

...

The bar is where he finds Aaron after they get back from the hospital hours later, everyone in just a few more pieces than they’d been when arriving. There’s a drink in his hand and an empty glass beside it, suggesting he’s been here a bit longer than Dave originally thought. The clock on the wall approaches 2 AM.

“Shouldn’t you be with her right now?” He asks, taking the empty stool at his side. “Didn’t think I’d find you here.”

“JJ has it under control,” Aaron says stiffly, clearly not ready to elaborate any further because things are clearly still rocky. “I shouldn’t have ever agreed to send her under.”

“Did you actually think you’d have a choice?” The bartender brings another round for them both, and he nods a quick thanks. “Emily is … well, Emily.”

“I could have taken her off the case. But then I wouldn’t have been objective. What I did was based strictly on my own feelings.” It’s as close a confession as he’ll get out of him, so Dave takes a chance.

“How long have you been seeing each other?”

“Three months,” Aaron says honestly, maybe a bit too forthcoming, but that’s probably the alcohol talking. Has it been that long? Clearly by now, Dave knows their little secret. “She’s a little out of my league, don’t you think?” He scrubs a hand over his eyes, his face lined with exhaustion and stress, the emotional turmoil that comes with nearly losing someone you love.

“My God,” Dave whistles, the whiskey burning his throat and quieting the voice in his head that reminds him just how close she got today. He suddenly wishes he had a cigar. “You’re in love with her,” he adds quietly. It’s a statement, not a question.

Aaron swallows tightly, nods. “Is it that obvious?”

His face cracks into the slightest of grins. “No. I’ve just been around long enough to tell.”

...

The flight home from Boston is uncomfortably quiet. It’s like everyone knows to stay out of Aaron’s way, giving him space once they’ve boarded the plane. He gets on last, staying a safe distance away from Emily, even though he keeps a protective eye on her at all times. She’s on crutches for the next week - the ankle sprain was worse than they’d originally thought, and she curses under her breath as she maneuvers clumsily down the narrow aisle. Whatever went down between them in Boston is clearly still brewing, and Dave is glad they’re all headed to the sanctuary of their own homes. He says a silent prayer for whichever set of neighbors have the good fortune of listening to the argument that will most likely materialize once they’re back in Virginia.

“I’m fine,” Emily says firmly once she’s seated with her foot elevated on the seat across from her, ignoring the sympathetic smiles from Morgan and Reid, their offers to keep her comfortable. “Everyone please stop looking at me like I’m going to break into pieces.” Emily grumbles, clearly exasperated, gripping the armrests as she takes a few steadying deep breaths. From the corner of his eye, Dave watches her pop a pain pill, chase it down with some water, and stare at the ceiling for a few long moments.

Aaron settles not too far away, and it only takes a few minutes before they’re staring daggers at one another, a wordless duel laced with the remnants of previous arguments. It’s palpable, hanging in the air like a cloying smoke. Being in their vicinity finally gets too uncomfortable; he awkwardly shuffles down the aisle a few seats back, finding JJ in one of the seats with a book in her lap. She barely acknowledges him, just a little half smile as she stares at the pages, and it soon becomes painfully obvious she’s not even reading the words.

“You gonna turn the page anytime soon? You’ve been on -” Dave leans over to confirm - “page 177 for the last fifteen minutes.”

“Why can’t they see they’re meant for each other?” JJ mutters under her breath next to him. it’s meant for only him to hear, Dave does a double take, making sure he heard correctly. She catches him immediately, smirking behind her fist. “What? I don’t believe for a second you don’t know about what’s going on between the two of them.

He holds up both hands innocently, hoping it's convincing. “I know nothing.”

“Lie to me again, Rossi, and I’ll ask Strauss why she comes to your office every night when she thinks we’ve all gone home.” JJ snaps the book shut, tossing it to the side. “Now,” she says, lowering her voice. “Tell me what you know.”

[lauraashley93]

This is my first shot at fanfic... be easy guys haha

I Don’t Love You Anymore

Reader and Angel are engaged when Angel starts to pull away. Things go south when reader confronts him.

Warnings: angst

It was the final straw. You had finally had enough. For months you and Angel had been fighting because you could feel him pulling away from you and every time you’d bring it up he’d shut it down by either brushing it off or getting on the defensive. Both of which just ended up with yelling and crying.

You wanted so bad to know what had happened between the two of you because once upon a time you were happy, perfect even. After this time though, you were done wondering. It had been three days and Angel had chose to stay at the clubhouse instead of coming home and you decided if he wouldn’t come to you, you would go to him, confront him and demand some answers. You were tired of having your heart stomped on.

Which is how you found yourself here. You were sat in your car parked in the scrapyard twisting and turning the diamond ring on your left ring finger as a tear slid down your cheek. All the confidence you had driving there completely gone as you now started to feel the heaviness in your heart. You sighed, it was now or never so you took a deep breath and stepped out of your car.

You stared at the ground trying to calm your racing heart. You were brought out of your concentration when you heard your name Being called. You looked up and seen a smiling Ez running toward you. The smile slowly fading as he approaches you as he sees you’ve been crying.

“Y/N, what’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

You shrugged, “I don’t think so Ez. Have you seen Angel? I really need to talk to him.”

Ez nodded his head toward the club house. “He’s in there. Noticed he hasn’t really left. He’s not saying much though.”

You nodded as you tried to hold back the tears.

“I don’t think he loves me anymore Ez. He won’t come home, he’s acting different and every time I try to figure it out he shuts me out and we end up in a screaming match. I’ve tried giving him his space but I can’t do this anymore.”

Ez’s heart was breaking for you. He could see the pain behind your eyes and he wished he could knock some sense into Angel and pull his head out of his ass. He didn’t think that Angel didn’t love you, he thought it was more of his brothers way of thinking he was protecting you. Pushing you away, in Angels mind, was the best option.

“I’m gonna go see him. I didn’t want to do this here but he has left me no choice.”

Your shoulders slumped in defeat as you walked toward the clubhouse.

Walking through the doors you were greeted by Bishop. He gave you a hug that you returned. “Y/N! It’s been so long since we’ve seen you what brings... “ he stops speaking as he pulls you back to see that you are not your normally bubbly self. You had grown close to the Mayan men and considered them family. Which is why doing this was that much more difficult. His once happy face grows into concern as he takes in your appearance.

“Is everything okay Mija?”

“I’m looking for Angel. Have you seen him?”

He could tell by your answer that he wasn’t going to be getting anything out of you. He nodded his head in understanding and motioned his hand over his shoulder.

“He’s by the bar. You need anything you know you can come to me.”

You smiled a silent thank you to him as you made your way to where Angel sat.

He seemed to be in its own world as you slowly walked up behind him

You cleared your throat as you tapped his shoulders.

“Angel.” Your voice cracked as you said his name.

He turned around with a look of surprise. He definitely didn’t expect for you to come here.

You first noticed how different he looked. Stress and lack of sleep evident on his face. It broke your heart to see the man you love like this. But you couldn’t let that get in the way. You were here to either get answers or walk away. You couldn’t do anymore fighting and being left to feel as if you were nothing.

“Y/N. What are you doing here?”

His voice was a mix of irritation and shock and it made you feel small.

“I wanted to talk to you and seeing as how you won’t answer my calls or texts and refuse to come home you have left me no other options.”

You we’re trying to keep your voice down. You didn’t want to attract any attention. You prefer to keep your problems private so you kept trying to remind yourself to be calm.

“Well, I have nothing to say when I do I’ll come around or answer your calls. So feel free to leave.” You blinked a couple of times trying to ward back the tears threatening to fall. You never thought he would talk to you that way and for him to be so hateful after you had done nothing wrong sent you over the edge.

“What the fuck is your problem?? What have I done to you that is SO awful you feel you need to treat me this way??”

Your voice is no longer calm. You are all but yelling and Angel has noticed his brothers attention are now on you both. He hated knowing he was making you upset. Truth is he wanted to talk to you but it seemed everything lately was going so wrong and he didn’t want you near if the shit exploded so instead of fixing things like he so desperately wanted to he chose to pick a fight. Thinking of anything to make you want to walk away.

“I don’t have a problem. I just need some space and I don’t understand why you can’t just fucking give it to me.”

You stared at him, he didn’t come off as convincing as he wanted and he knew you heard it in his voice.

“You don’t mean that. You’re trying to push me away.. I just can’t understand why. Please Angel, just talk to me. We can work this out but you HAVE to communicate with me” you’re trying so hard but you can see the coldness in his eyes. You can feel the walls going up and you can tell he isn’t going to listen. You start to cry. No longer being able to hold back the tears. “You can see the pain you’re causing and you don’t even care.” You voice caught in your throat as you choked back a sob. “Please Angel. I love you. You’re my world. I need you. I miss you..”

He’s staring at you. His heart breaking but he’s not breaking. He knows he has to hurt you. Make you hate him so you’ll run and never look back. Find someone who can give you a safe and happy life.

“You want me to talk?” He’s yelling now and you are backing up as he stands from the bar stool. “Fine, I don’t love you anymore, Y/N. I have tried and I just can’t. You’re holding on to something that’s not holding onto you and that’s the problem. It’s pathetic. I thought you would get the hint but I guess you just can’t see the signs. There is nothing to fix. I don’t want to fix us.”

Bricks. That’s what it felt like bricks upon bricks being dropped on you. Your world stopped. Were you breathing?? Are you awake? Is this real life? Did your fiancé, love of your life and best friend just tell you he didn’t love you anymore? You needed to say so much but couldn’t find your voice. All you could do is cry while everyone in the clubhouse stared on in shock. All of the sudden you felt tired. Drained. Like the life had been sucked right out of you. After the shock started slowly fading away it was quickly replaced with anger.

“Oh, stupid me for not seeing that my FIANCÉ stopped loving me. When Angel? Huh? WHEN? Why couldn’t you just tell me? Why string me along?” You wiped the tears from your eyes. You were done. You were tired of him breaking you when all you tried to do was love him. You wanted to tell him you didn’t care. That it was fine and you would go find someone who deserved you. Problem was, you DID care. So much so it was eating at you. So you cried harder.

“Why don’t you love me, Angel?”

The question broke his heart. He wanted to hug you, to hold you and make it all up to you. But he couldn’t, not now. So he dug it in deeper.

“I’m not sure I ever did. You were someone who made me feel good, filled a hole. I guess I was using you as a crutch and now, it’s just doing it anymore. You’re not enough. I can’t keep pretending.”

You broke. You didn’t think it was possible to hurt anymore than you already were but he did it. All your life you have never felt good enough. That was a part of you that you told him and all of those times he said you were and that you were everything he needed and wanted was a lie. Angel had to look away before he lost it. He could see the light leave your eyes knowing he had finished what he set out to do. Ez had apparently noticed too so he walked up to you giving Angel the most disappointed look he could muster up and he put his arm around you. “Come on y/n I’ll take you home.” You don’t remember giving the command to your legs to follow him but you did. It was like everything in you had died and you were floating. Slow motion. Ez put you in the passenger seat of your car as he climbed into the driver seat. He looked at you, pity washing over his face he went to speak but you stopped him.

“ Please , don’t. Don’t make excuses. Don’t tell me you’re sorry. You looked over at him tears flowing freely. “Please just take me home. “

Ez did just that. The ride was quiet. You finally pulled into your drive and got out quickly. Ez following behind you. You stopped at the door and turned to him.

“Go, take the car. I’ll be fine. I just need to be alone.” Ez hesitated but I guess the look in your eyes he knew it was for the best.

“Okay, but please promise me that you’ll call me if you need me. “. You nodded and walked inside. You heard the car speed off and you slid down the door letting your emotions swallow you as you laid in the floor.

—————————————————————————-

Back at the club house Ez pulls back in. He’s fuming. He looks at you like a sister and watching Angel completely break you was enough to make him wanna beat the shit out of thin. He storms into the clubhouse eyes searching for Angel. They find him at the bar shooting back a shot of whiskey.

“Angel, what the fuck is your problem??” Ez yells as he storms up to his older brother. Angel turns and looks at him and Ez is shocked to see that he’s crying?

“Why did you say all of that to y/n?” Ez’s tone is softer now seeing how upset Angel is.

“I had to Ez. Don’t you get it? It’s for her own good. I’m toxic. With all this shit going on I don’t want her caught in the middle. She deserves better. I need her safe. I don’t want her to get hurt.”

Even though Ez understands his brothers motives he still can’t help but wanna punch him.

“Do you realize she wasn’t hurt until as right now? You did the very thing you set out NOT TO DO. You pushed away the one person who loved you more than life itself. You want her to live a happy life but all you have done is ripped her heart out and stopped her eyes from shining. YOU hurt her. Not club shit. YOU. She wants her fiancé to love her. Don’t you remember when you first purposed to y/n? Hm? Remember what you told me she said? That she didn’t care what happened. She would ride and die with you. She’s tough and can handle shit, Angel. You need to let her have a choice in this.”

It was like realization kicked Angel in the dick and made him want to vomit. Ez was right but what did that matter now? He didn’t know but he needed to make it right. He needed to run home and tell you he was a fucking idiot and that he loved you and he will spend the rest of his life making it up to you.

“I’m a fuck up Ez. I gotta get to her bro. I gotta fix this.”

Tears were running down angels face as Ez put his hand on his shoulder.

“Come on, I’ll follow you in her car. Let’s go win your girl back.”

They rushed out driving as fast as they could. Angel didn’t know what he was going to say but he was going to beg you till him face turned blue. He knows he needs you. He knows he fucked up he just hopes it’s not too late.

They pull into your and angels driveway. Everything is quiet. The lights are out. Angel rushes into the door with Ez staying out on the porch. He just wants to be there just in case things don’t go well. Angel flips on the living room light but there isn’t any sign of you. “Y/n??!!??” Angel keeps yelling your name until he gets to the bedroom you share and it’s like the wind gets knocked out of him.

All your clothes are are gone. Nothing else touched but he knows your gone.

“NO NO NO NO!!”

Ez hears his brother screaming and runs in seeing Angel sobbing on the floor. He sighs and runs his hand over his head. He looks around and sees a piece of paper laying on the bed. He grabs it and kneels next to Angel handing it to him. Angel looks up, wiping the tears from his eyes and takes the letter.

“Angel,

I believe one of the hardest decisions in your life is choosing to walk away or try harder. Part of me wants to tell you I can’t wait for your to realize you fucked up but part of me wants you to find happiness.

I tried hard. Maybe I could have tried harder? I don’t know. But I did try.. All I wanted was for you to wake up in the middle of the night and call in the middle of all those fights telling me you loved me and that you were sorry, but I couldn’t even get that in a drunk text. All I know is that if I stay I will always be in love with the idea of us getting back together because you, darling, will always have a special place in my heart that no one else could ever have. As you know by now I have left. I don’t want any of the memories. Keep the car. Keep the home and all of Our things. I don’t want to stay here and keep holding on to the hope that you’ll start loving me again and my phone will vibrate and it will be your name and you’ll tell me your sorry and that you love me or something to make me smile and everything will be okay again. I hope you find someone you can’t live without and I hope you never know what it’s like to try to live without them.

I left the ring in the top drawer of the dresser. I hope one day you will find your true forever.”

Love,

Y/n

Angel is sobbing uncontrollably. Ez is trying to call you only to discover you have left your phone here. “I lost her man, I have lost the best thing in my life and I have nobody to blame but myself. “

Ez holds his brother while he cries hoping that there is still some way to get you back home.

@angelreyesgirl