#whereas this is an intense fight but looks so pretty...

[mostlybirdsandphotos]

one of my favourite shots from yesterday's outing at the lake

[jounosparticles]

this feels really odd to ask but but what do you think the hunting dogs' thoughts are about death? specifically if they die and how? cause I feel like all of them share a variation of "I will go down guns blazing and with glory"

fukuchi definitely feels it and I feel like jouno as well. they've both had rough and violent lives so I feel like they've always thought death was just right around the corner.

I don't know about the rest of them though. teruko I feel shares the thought but not as intense as the other two, and I dont know about tecchou and tachihara.

anyway. it's a neat thought to me :3

ohhh i’ve been thinking of the best way to answer this for DAYS. this analysis will be long so ill put it under a readmore.

the hunting dogs and death - analysis

overall, it is shown that they can die. i assume due to their abilities and bodily enhancements that they do not die of injuries very easily. it makes me wonder how disease hits them? partially mechanical bodies may not respond to illness as well as natural bodies would? or maybe the opposite and they can heal more so internally? anyways here's my thoughts on how each hunting dog perceives dying!!

fukuchi

i see fukuchi as fairly self-preserving up until the end. he can't die in battle because he needs to make sure the decay of angels plot carries out.

remember that he was warned of this at nine years old. he had to spend his life preparing for this. he likely grew very wary of living recklessly and became great at fighting very fast and young; i assume that's why he went through dojos to fight as a child.

under no circumstances could he die until the world was safe.

i imagine he put on a selfless face and was willing to take serious harm in order to protect the peace, but i highly doubt he was ever willing to sacrifice his life until his plan worked out.

here we see his thought process and how things need to fall into place. his participation was essential because in no other situation would fukuzawa be the one able to get access to the one order. if fukuchi had died beforehand, the war would play out as the amenogozen warning claimed.

he had to leave the world to fukuzawa, the man he could trust most before facing his own demise.

of course, at this point in the series he has been killed since that was the final goal of his plan. a noble death for a fantastic hero.

jouno

im actually a little conflicted on his perception of death. i believe jouno is willing to sacrifice his life if absolutely necessary but is probably more self-preserving than the others. i believe he likely uses his confident and slightly arrogant attitude to hide this self-preserving mindset. someone who comes off as intimidating or nonchalant during battle is more likely to throw off the enemy whereas appearing nervous or angry will make them seem vulnerable. i believe jouno also sees himself as very strategic and able to get out of situations easily if needed. he's a quick thinker from what we've seen thus far.

lets look at when he confronted fukuchi.

he starts off very confidently accepting the offer. we know this is a facade but him immediately trying to throw fukuchi off guard seems so show he's pretty confident in his next move.

but when this doesn't work, he immediately tries to flee. this is fairly unique for a fight in bsd, many characters will often fight until they either get what they wish or they're too injured to move. despite jouno having an ability that could dodge fukuchi's, he still chose to try and escape instead of continuing to fight. this is a very normal human reaction to have but not one you see as often.

and at a disturbance, he begins to panic and needs to ground himself by reassuring himself instead of fighting back. he's not willing to put his life on the line to stop a global terrorism and his own escape is seen as a victory, which i see as him being more self-preserving. this all took place before the sword was set on fire, so it wasn't as if he had that threat to escape yet.

however, there's a chance he just didn't know how to fight the amenogozen; but his ability was definitely one of the best to fight against fukuchi with.

still, he's smart and made sure to plan adequately in case he was injured in the battle against fukuchi. he wants to keep himself safe, but he's still smart enough to take precaution.

i think jouno has probably been through a lot in his life and wants to spend a while living happily, making him more afraid to die than the others. this is even shown when he took teruko being angry as a threat while fukuchi laughed over it.

(as a small note, fukuchi's line in the anime was "haha. it seems our gremlin is angry today" which makes more sense in this context).

so tldr i think jouno would only go down if absolutely necessary and otherwise is fairly self-prioritizing.

tecchou

i believe tecchou would sacrifice himself if it brings justice.

however, he seems to see himself as one responsible for judgement, so i imagine he gives every single fight his all.

regardless of him acting as judgement, it's been shown that tecchou is willing to die if he fails at his work.

here he promises that if he were to fail he would commit seppuku (killing oneself via slicing through your stomach--an honourable death for a samurai fighter (which lines up with irl tetchou coming from samurai lineage)), which is an incredibly agonizing way to die. regardless, he is fully willing to do it if it is for peace. this shows a confidence in death and commitment to his sense of justice to an extreme manner.

and when he found himself in a situation where he was in the wrong, he immediately admitted defeat and asked his opponent to kill him.

he admits defeat, says his wrongs and is willing to accept the consequences.

he even jumps to the harsh conclusion that he isn't worthy of his title as a hunting dog. the stark white in his eyes show that his mind isn't corrupted and that he is doing what he believes is proper justice. incredibly noble.

luckily he was spared-and likely learned a lot about justice not always being as black and white as things appear.

overall, tecchou is a very noble fighter and is willing to put his life on the line for justice. he doesn't seem to fear death and will embrace it if he feels it is earned or deserved.

tachihara

i have less to say about tachihara than the others. i see him as the type that will go down over what's right and that's shown during his fight with fukuchi.

he isn't willing to fear death or beg for forgiveness. he will go down if it is worthy.

we also see that he keeps a argumentative spirit towards the enemy despite the circumstances. he will put down his opponent even in the moment of death, he just has the confidence to.

this panel also shows that he's more willing to die than to be defeated. he doesn't want to harm anyone and be controlled so he tries to kill himself first.

overall, he's a strong fighter who isn't afraid to sacrifice his life for what he believes in. his orders make him who he is, and if the orders are to win he either will or he will die trying.

(of course that last part doesn't really count when he was posing as a mafioso because he couldn't blow his cover by easily surviving everything).

teruko

much like tachihara, teruko seems to be very willing to put herself on the line to keep people safe. this is shown almost immediately in her introduction.

if ordered, she is willing to die. she's incredibly dedicated to her job and would go down if it saves people.

she's willing to go to drastic measures to keep herself alive as well, destroying her eardrum and continuing to try and fight sigma despite being under the directed resonance guns (which were made to destroy people like her). she didn't run, and she did absolutely everything she could have done in order to win.

she seems to also pride herself in fighting and being hurt in battle, likely to show her resilience and ability to do whatever it takes if it saves people.

she even goes on to call the hunting dogs "society's servants" and refers to the enhancement surgeries as "searing order into their own bodies."

this immense dedication makes me strongly believe that she would have no problem sacrificing herself if it is for the best. she killed fukuchi despite really caring for him, so i can see her being willing to put herself into that situation as well.

tysm for the question!!!!! this was super fun to read through the scenes again and try to piece together a logical guess on them all.

[thecuriousquest]

yandere alphabet for dabi?

Yandere Alphabet: Dabi

Tag List: @issamomma

Warnings: Yandere themes, NSFW, dark shit, non con, kidnapping, dacryphilia, nudity, controlling behavior, dominant, sadistic behavior, possessive behavior, degradation, sexual needs mentioned, death mentioned, branding kink, spanking punishment

Checkout my Master List here.

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Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Dabi shows his love by making fun of you. You are his and always will be, so he reserves the right to tease you relentlessly. There are his softer moments where he’ll sneak up behind you and wrap you up in a hug, but this doesn’t exactly last long because he’s more than likely going to whisper something very dirty in your ear.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Dabi is literally a villain who has killed before and has no problem with doing it again. Whereas he can be impulsive and just off a bitch, he does like to play the long game and make his predators piss themselves. This might look like hunting them down after days of psychologically tormenting them.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Oh, you betchya! He is 100% going to make you cry within the first hour, and not just from scaring you. “What’s the matter? Already crying and I haven’t even hit you yet.” He taunts you because he loves provoking you. He wants you to get riled up so that he has a reason to be violent with you, not that he actually needs one.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

I’m sorry to say this, but I honestly believe Dabi would rape you. He just seems like a yandere who doesn’t give two shits about if you want it or not. He has you, so he’ll have all of you.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

When the two of you are in bed together, he’ll hold you in his arms and whisper about how pretty you are. “I picked a good one.” These are the nicest things he’ll ever say to you.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

I think he likes to see you be feisty. It shows him that you haven’t been broken yet. He doesn’t want a lifeless doll. He wants someone he can interact with. He views you fighting him as a plus because it just means that he can fight back and show off how powerful he is.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

It’s not like he’d leave the door open on purpose. It’s more like he’s so confident in his ability to track you down that he’ll give you a fifteen minute head start. He likes catching you in a state of panic. He likes snatching you by your waist and throwing you over his shoulder. He, especially, likes beating your ass when you get home for trying to escape.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Being chained up and starved. Dabi uses this method for more extreme cases if you’re not cooperating. Not having any food in you for a few days to a week makes you docile. Your head will kind of just lull from side to side, and it takes you a while to start acting like yourself again. Seeing you so weak makes him laugh because he finds it adorable. For you, it’s a fucking nightmare.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Dabi just wants something to belong to him. As long as you’re with him (he doesn’t really care if you’re happy), he’s happy. It’ll be better if you make things easier for him, but all in all, he just wants you to be with him.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Dabi gets hella jealous. You’re his and only his. Someone puts their hand on your shoulder, he’s cussing them out and doing irreparable damage. You’ll be lucky if brain matter doesn’t coat the walls. He’ll turn it around on you once he’s done with the guy you were talking to, though. “Why are you fucking talking to him like that?” He’s definitely kicking your ass for that stupid mistake you made.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

He always has an arm hung around your shoulders, giving others the hint that you’re taken. It’s a plus that he gets to hold you close as well. He’ll also make out with you in public too. He’s not ashamed as he gropes your ass any time, any where.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

You two never started dating. You guys hooked up, had a one night stand. At least, it was supposed to be. The sex was too good for Dabi to just let you go, so he kidnapped you, and now you’re in this twisted relationship with him.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

When he decides to not be so rough with you, he can be kind of romantic. He shows his softer side to you during these times. He won’t threaten you, he won’t make almost every comment out of his mouth sexual. Surprise, surprise, the man actually has a filter. He can’t act this way around others, however. He still has a villainous reputation to maintain.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

With a flaming blue hand. He’s not afraid to mark up your body. It’s one of his favorite pass times. Putting you over his knee, branding your ass with his palm, it’s exhilarating to him. When you start uttering pleas for forgiveness or declarations of apologies, he still keeps beating the hell out of you. He pushes you well past your limits, but it’s only for “his pleasure and your best interest”.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

All of them. Say goodbye to pissing with the bathroom door shut. You don’t even have bodily autonomy anymore.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

He’s not patient like you think. If you start yelling at him, he’ll wait for you to finish throwing your tantrum. “Are you done? You finally done shrieking in my ear? Alright, let me tell you what’s gonna happen now.” He’ll grab you by the throat and slam you down on the table. “You’re gonna go to the room, you’re gonna get naked, and you’re gonna make this little incident up to me. Got it? Good.” He’ll send you off with a light slap to your face.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

Dabi is possessive. Even though he likes to rough you up in and out of the bedroom, you’re still his girl. He has a special bond with you, one that’s not easy to break. He needs to keep you with him, and he can keep you safe from others while he does that. He needs to have you in every way possible. Despite all of this, if you ended up dying, I think he would be able to move on, but that’s only if you die. If you manage to successfully escape, he will exhaust every available resource in order to hunt you down, and he will find you.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

He doesn’t feel guilty about abducting you. If you really fuck up with him, if you really can’t find it in yourself to just make things easy for Dabi, then he will contemplate killing you. The villain can only put up with so much. If he actually does kill you, then that’s what he’ll feel guilty about because he formed a bond with you that he ended up having to cut ties with in such a horrible way.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)? Well, his childhood turned him into a villain. I’d say his sadistic and yandere tendencies stem from being a villain but are rooted in his childhood.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He relishes in your pain. It completely turns him on. Whether your sobs are from pain, torment, or fear, it doesn’t matter to him. You could say he has a crying kink.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

His cruelty is unlike the classic yandere. The man has frustrations and limited outlets, so you end up as his punching bag or cock sleeve most of the time. It’s not like he can just go take a karate class during his free time.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Use his physical weakness against him. Keep asking if that’s “all he’s got”. Dabi isn’t immune to his own fire. It literally causes him damage that takes a long while to recover from. If you can find a way to withstand his quirk or have him burn something for you, then you might just find a way to escape.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Yes, 100% would hurt you mentally and physically. He’d laugh at you too.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

He doesn’t worship you. In fact, it would delight him if YOU worshipped him. It would give him a major ego boost. He doesn’t feel the need to win you over. It’s either comply or get hurt.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

He doesn’t leave you hanging for long after that “one night stand”. It only takes a few days to a week maybe before he snatches you up and takes you to your forever nightmare home.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

If you do break, he’ll either use you as a flesh light or kill you. He doesn’t have time to put up with this kind of mind set. It’s pathetic to him. He can’t help thinking this. He knows he did it to you, but he thought you were so much stronger than this.

[silverwhittlingknife]

Hi! Thoughts on Dick and Tim during Murderer/Fugitive, and their argument over whether Bruce killed Vesper?

(My interpretation was that to Dick, Robin means not only unwavering loyalty to Batman, but unwavering faith (“I’m dismayed that there can be a Robin who believes Batman could be guilty of murder”)— whereas to Tim it’s more about having faith in the symbol and the mission, not the person)

Tim (suspicious that Bruce has emotional blind spots and is about to get a case wrong): Nightwing. Channel Two. Go discreet. (Gotham Knights 1)

Dick: I don't - I don't see how you can say that and still wear that uniform... Tim: The guy who gave it to me–the guy who wore it first–HE taught me never to back away from any possibility that might lead to the truth. And he still believes that… right? (Gotham Knights 26)

Ooh, look, it’s one of my favorite comics of all time. <33

Yeah!!  I think hmmm.  Both Dick and Tim are intensely loyal to Bruce and they both care about him a lot.  But they do think about their loyalty to him in very different ways.

Also tl;dr I am biased here but also I am right dsfsfs - although I do think that Tim's loyalty is kinda to the symbol, I also think a big part of the issue here is that Tim's more unambiguous personal faith is given to Dick, not to Bruce. When Dick says, How can you wear that uniform and not have faith in Bruce, Tim answers, essentially, I wear this uniform because I have faith in you. Which is not what Dick wants to hear!

I had SO MANY THOUGHTS about this, so below the cut:

Dick and Bruce and the importance of faith

Tim and Bruce and the importance of doubt

More rambling Dick-and-Tim-and-Bruce thoughts

Dick and Bruce and faith

Dick’s notion of loyalty is pretty firm: “It's no secret Batman and I have had our... issues. But I won't be involved in anything that hurts him.”  His connection to Bruce, from the very beginning, is all about their shared sense of mission: the oath in the candlelight. Dick’s got this intense loyalty that he feels he owes to Bruce, and he feels betrayed when it seems like Bruce isn’t reciprocating, because as far as Dick’s concerned they owe it to each other.

I think you owe me an explanation, Bruce. ... We were the Dynamic Duo, don’t you remember? / If Bruce Wayne doesn’t exist, who am I the son of? / I know you have to live through restraint. I understand how brevity is your moral compass. But why lie to me, of all people? Why would you lie to me. ME. ... I trust you more than anyone. / I've trusted Batman with my life since I was eight. / On top of everything, he's my father now, too... I want to hit people just for thinking bad thoughts about him.

Dick’s first experience of Bruce is fighting by his side.  He initially conceptualizes his role of Robin as about being steadfast partners to each other, and although he'll sometimes later recategorize it as a kid's role, that doesn't change the way he thinks of his own relationship to Bruce: partners, no matter what.

Dick fights with Bruce a lot - he'll pick a physical fight in this very arc! He's not afraid to stand up to Bruce! He wants to be independent and bristles when he feels bossed around or ignored or when Bruce is dismissive or doesn't listen or doesn't call on him for help! But paradoxically, he stands up to Bruce because he has faith in him. Dick respects Bruce enough to confront him and he expects Bruce to offer him the same respect in return. He'll pour out his heart to Bruce because despite everything, some part of him expects Bruce to have an answer, to step up, to be the person Dick's determined to believe he can be.

Tim and Bruce and doubt

By contrast, Tim initially interacts with Bruce like a detective stalking a criminal.  He collects newspaper reports. He follows Bruce and takes photos of him and gathers evidence to present to Dick. He goes to talk to Dick, not Bruce, about Bruce’s problems—and Tim will pretty consistently continue to talk about Bruce to Dick (or occasionally to Alfred), to work behind Bruce’s back, to be frank with Dick in ways that he’s not frank with Bruce.  Tim’s often at pains to insist that he does respect and care about Bruce, but one of the reasons he has to keep insisting this verbally is because his actions and assumptions suggest a lack of trust.

Tim’s first experience of Bruce is of someone who could be a knight or a monster, who needs help and intervention, who can be loved but not entirely trusted.  Someone who isn’t gonna be okay on his own; someone who needs saving and fixing; someone whose sense of himself can’t be entirely trusted or listened to.  Batman needs a Robin.  No matter what he thinks he wants.

In New Titans 71, Wolfman writes Dick musing about Tim as a Robin and how he’s different from Dick himself, and thinking, “He questions more.”  Much later, in Teen Titans/Outsiders, Kory will note the same difference.  Which is a funny thing to write given all Dick’s fights with Bruce—but I also think it’s a true insight!  Tim’s default is questioning.  Almost his entire tenure as Robin is spent as Bruce's apprentice, not his kid, and that affects his attitude a lot. He never takes his trust in Bruce for granted.  It’s carefully considered—and it could be revoked.  A part of Tim is always judging and measuring Bruce, deciding which qualities he thinks are admirable and which ones not so much, what's worrisome and what's not, analyzing whether Bruce is looking after his health or not, etc etc.

You have to promise me something. You'll listen to Alfred and at least call it a night and give yourself a chance to heal. / How many times are we going to have this conversation, Bruce? You died tonight. For almost two minutes you were dead. / Maybe Batman doesn't need to know about this. / He's a hard guy to get to know. / I have friends. He has... associates. / Bruce has been on the job the longest. It’s slowly driven him mad and eaten the human part right out of him. / My boss - my teacher is gone, gone as in fled, but also gone out of his head. And now he may be a murderer as well. / I think maybe Batman has gone crazy. / Don't like the risks he's taking. Don't like the way he spoke to me. I hope it's the concussion talking. I don't want to think his edge is coming back.

It’s not that Dick never worries about Bruce in this way.  He does!  In the arc right before Lonely Place of Dying, his inner monologue compares Bruce to an alcoholic. And IMO it’s strongly implied in Gotham Knights 26 (the Dick-and-Tim fight about Bruce maybe being a murderer) that one of the reasons Dick is so forceful and so upset by Tim’s suggestion is that he’s suppressing his own private doubts.  Tim’s dragging into the open something that Dick is refusing to look closely at.  Dick's faith is an act of will—if I’m going to be Bruce’s ally, then I can’t believe he’s capable of this.  I can’t allow myself to believe it.  And if I believe he’s capable of it, then I’m not acting as his ally anymore:

Dick: "I think it’s… admirable that you can continue serving a system in which you have so little faith. But I can’t. I can’t, Tim. I cannot believe that Batman is guilty of murder. I do not believe it, and I will not believe it. And I can’t stand with anyone who does."

You don't get this upset about somebody saying that the Earth is flat, you know? Dick's not laughing the accusation off; instead, he's drawing a hard line - I will not consider this. I refuse to go there. The topic is off-limits.

(In the same comic, you've got a similar fight going on between Alfred and Leslie with similar stakes - Alfred refusing to believe it but clearly harboring secret doubts, Leslie openly suspicious.)

General Dick-and-Tim-and-Bruce thoughts

Tim to friends: "I lie to Batman" (Teen Titans 3) Dick to Bruce: "But why lie to me, of all people? Why would you lie to me. ME." (Outsiders 21)

It’s always been Tim’s instinct to strategize around Bruce rather than with him. Tim will lie and circumvent Bruce’s orders, whereas Dick will disagree to his face.  Dick respects Bruce enough to give him his say and argue back, whereas Tim tends to think of Bruce as an admired-but-unstable figure who you sometimes listen to but sometimes plan around.

And I think you get the core of that in this arc!

Tim voices his concerns pretty frankly to Dick, but is way more circumspect in front of Bruce, because he doesn't entirely trust Bruce - Tim thinks "is Bruce stable and trustworthy" is "a decision that Dick and I will make in consultation with each other," not a decision that Bruce can make.

In the past, Dick has basically gone along with this kind of thing - he and Tim gossip about Bruce a lot! So it's not surprising that Tim's first thought is that they can confer on it again. But when it becomes a question of "is Bruce murderous, criminal, immoral," then Dick's loyalty kicks in. That's too serious an accusation for Dick to feel entirely comfortable talking about it behind Bruce's back.

Generally IMO, how Dick conceptualizes his loyalty tends to vary a lot depending on who he's talking to. So e.g. in general, Dick's more likely to gripe about Bruce to Tim than he is to gripe about Bruce to the Titans, because he knows that Tim basically likes Bruce. Tim's Robin! Dick takes for granted that Tim is loyal. So it's not disloyal to complain about Bruce to Tim, because Dick and Tim are both on Bruce's side. Dick complains to Tim about Bruce abruptly summoning them into No Man's Land, but doesn't share the same complaint with the Titans. And that's because the Titans aren't friendly toward Bruce in general, and so bitching to them would be disloyal, would be airing dirty laundry outside the family.

By contrast, Tim's a safe audience... until you end up in a situation like Bruce Wayne: Murderer, when suddenly it sounds like Tim may not be on Bruce's side anymore. What are you saying, Tim?

I do think that if Tim had been right, if Bruce had been a murderer, Dick would've ultimately helped take him down. He's very defensive of Bruce because that's how Dick understands the obligations of loyalty, but... he's part of confronting Bruce and demanding explanations in the Cave, and he and Tim (and Cass and Babs) all investigate Bruce together. I think if there had been very very very credible evidence, Dick would've helped fight to take evil!Bruce down. But I also think he would've never stopped mentally searching for an explanation: mind control? body double? I think he'd have an incredibly hard time accepting that Bruce had just murdered someone.

And I mean! In Dick's defense! I don't think Bruce would! At the end of the day, I think Bruce deserves all kinds of criticism in post-Crisis, but I also tend to think that Dick's read of him is a bit more accurate than Tim's, that even though Bruce can act monstrously in all kinds of ways he is at bottom a person who would never ever ever murder a civilian girlfriend no matter how unstable he got and no matter how threatened his secret was. Dick might have a bit more faith in him than he deserves, but at the same time, Tim's jumping to the worst-case scenario pretty fast here, much as he does during Batman: RIP, and I think you could definitely argue that Dick - who's known Bruce longer and better, who lived with Bruce for years instead of just worked with him - has a better and more instinctive sense of Bruce's strengths instead of just his faults.

(And in Tim's defense, as Babs is about to point out to Dick, Bruce has not been behaving especially well recently and Tim has a lot of reasons to be frustrated with him. And Tim's not the only one - Babs is pretty suspicious too!)

.... And of course, I mean, as a Dick and Tim fan, I love that this arc makes very clear that Tim feels his own loyalty is to the symbol, yes, but also that he associates the symbol with Dick first and with Dick's sense of morals, that he trusts Dick, that he sees the costume as something Dick gave him and that's the legacy that he's trying to live up to, to never walk away from the truth, that he thinks the two of them need to be willing to consider the worst of Bruce .... and also the delightful paradox that this isn't loyalty that Dick asked for or wants or welcomes!!

Dick has always taken for granted that Tim was loyal to Bruce, not to Dick; he's not at all happy to hear the opposite. This isn't a heartwarming moment for them but instead a really fraught one, because it's a declaration of Tim's loyalty but it's a declaration of Tim's loyalty that's specifically about not offering unconditional loyalty to Bruce, so Dick feels like he's being invited to be traitors together instead of feeling touched by Tim's trust. Tim's loyalty is something he has to learn to come to terms with rather than something he's happy to have.

And I think that's great!! I love love love these kinds of complicated emotional dynamics (TM), and Bruce Wayne: Murderer is full of them. It's such a fun read.

[kazvha]

Winter activities with the Eleceed cast!

Including: Inhyuk, Jisuk, Jiwoo, Jiyoung, Kartein, Kayden, Subin, Sucheon, Wooin

Notes: Winter is coming! I couldn't resist to write some warm headcanons for this cold season❄️

Inhyuk :: Taking a walk in the forest

Inhyuk took your cold hand and gave it a squeeze as you walked side by side in a forest that looked like a winter wonderland. The sun which occasionally came out from behind the clouds, made the snow look like powdered glitter. The sound of a river could be heard in the background, as well as little animals that prepared for their hibernation. Excited remarks would be shared between you two whenever you saw animal footprints on the ground or even saw the animals themselves.

Jisuk :: Ice skating

Let me just say you'll be in a lot of pain in the next weeks. The moment this guy stepped on the ice, he lost his balance and fell right on his face. Unluckily for you, he had to drag you down with him too, multiple times... You weren't having it, so you forced him to take an ice skating aid. Jisuk was using it properly for a couple of rounds, but then he situated himself onto the aid and had you push him at high speed. It was actually fun (except for the crashing into the wall part). After a few rounds, he finally got the hang of it.

Jiwoo :: Baking sugar cookies

He's one of the best people you could bake with! Cozy music was playing in the background as you were making the dough. While the cookies were in the oven, you jammed to the music together, making the cleaning process ridiculously silly and filled with laughter. Jiwoo was excited to decorate the sugar cookies. Although it looked clumsy at first, he created various pretty designs with care.

Jiyoung :: Making hot chocolate

Nothing could be better than winding down after a productive day. And it would be even better if you had some company.

You were surprised to see Jiyoung so eager to make hot chocolate. This activity reminded her of the old days when she could still spend time with her brother and her parents. Therefore, she was grateful to have you now to make new precious memories. The delicious drink ended the day on a sweet note.

Kartein :: Knitting

Kartein and you were sitting in comfortable silence in front of the mellow light of the fireplace. The warm aroma of vanilla filled the air, since Kartein lighted up a candle a few minutes ago. He was carefully knitting a white hat, whereas your hands were also occupied by knitting needles, but meticulously knitted each row of your white scarf. The plan was to have lovely matching scarfs and hats at the end (you originally brought up the idea but Kartein approved of it).

Kayden :: Ice fishing

Kayden is not an ordinary man, so you can't expect to do 'normal' activities with him. You went ice fishing together. You drove out to a frozen lake, pulled out your camping stools, carefully drilled a hole into the ice, and patiently waited for a fish to catch the bait. You used the waiting time to chat with Kayden and to catch up since you both had busy lifes. When you would catch a fish after waiting for a long time, you would either put it back into the water or cook it up.

Subin :: Sledding

Subin dragged you out to the tallest mountain in your area, saying it would be fun to drive down at a fast pace. You were skeptical at first, but your worries soon turned into unstoppable waves of laughter. Neither of you could control the sled well, which often led to you two driving against a tree or into poor other people. You were a menace to everybody in your vicinity, but it didn't stop you two from going up the mountain to sled down again.

Sucheon :: Snowball fight

Sucheon didn't want to engage in this dumb activity with you at first. But then you dared to hit him in his face with a snowball while he was still talking?! He angrily stomped away from you and made his own batch of snowballs to get back at you. And let's just say, that after an intense fight, which neither of you won because neither of you wanted to back down, you both came out exhausted with some bruises. At least you had fun. You believe you even saw Sucheon genuinely smiling for a split second as he neatly formed one of his snowballs.

Wooin :: Building a snowman

He immediately went outside as soon as it snowed to roll up the body of the snowman. Wooin never made one before and now he finally got the opportunity to! While he was building the body you collected a carrot for the nose, an old hat that you found in the corner of your closet, little stones for the remaining face of the snowman, and of course branches for his two arms. Wooin and you assembled the snowman and when you were finally content with the result, you took cute pictures with him, both of you hugging your creation.

[leejenowrld]

has seoyeon continued to bother yn and jeno?

yes! the stares have continued but it doesn’t bother yn anymore. the 360 change in reaction and attitude is hot and it turns jeno on. the past yn would get so much anxiety and fear every time someone stared at her and jeno, but now, she’s gone through so much and felt so much that she doesn’t care anymore!! instead, she makes fun of the whole situation lmfao if she feels someone being a bitch and staring a bit too much, she gets extra touchy with jeno. the pda is intense!! jeno is more for public pda, his hand is always in hers, arm around her shoulder, hand in her back pocket, lips will always be on her skin whereas yn does keep it relatively controlled in public but the times when seoyeon or any other girl stares, she’ll legit just break jeno from any conversation and start making out with him :D jeno gets so confused but god he moans against her lips! my man is loving it <3 mwah

one time it got serious. don’t ask why but jeno had convinced yn to party with him. it was juyeons party, yn was happy and having fun! all her friends were there too. she stayed close to jeno all night long, they were being a young couple in love, dancing sexy and close to each other, being touchy, the kissing. for a change for a party, jeno’s lips found itself on her more so than on the glass of an alcoholic beverage or drugs !! but don’t get me wrong, he was high

anyways… here comes seoyeon. as jeno and yn look into each others eyes and hold each other close, seoyeon legit comes from nowhere and pours a glass of wine all over yns dress. it was red and it stained. funny thing is, they didn’t even know she was near or at the party. she was lurking and hiding all night long, staring at them but they were in their own worlds too involved with each other to care 😭

and wow… you’ve never seen jeno more angry. his first reaction was to check on his girl cus she was pretty startled and surprised! he kissed her, whispered something sweet to her and gave her his jacket immediately as the liquid was making her top very see through. his soft eyes turned brutal as he turned to her, my god… the anger was like no other i can’t describe it, he begins basically verbally belittling her and for good reason! and he’s about to go on and on but then suddenly heejin comes out of nowhere and throws a glass at seoyeon and then seoyeon throws hands but heejin punches her in the face:D

the thing is, jeno and heejin are literally the no 1 yn protectors cus even tho yn has grown in confidence, she still don’t defend herself! when people are mean to her she just sits there and takes it. she doesn’t fight back, she’s too scared to, her anxiety and her shock takes over. as heejin is punching her, yn is genuinely out of it, like she’s dissociated and still processing what’s happened :( that’s why jeno and heejin always fight for her :( especially those 2. if jeno is with yn and someone’s treated her unfairly, she’ll let them get away with it but he won’t!! he fights for his girl

and heejin… don’t get me started. she’s the best best friend you could ever ask for. i wish i could’ve made her a more primary character in the fic but i’m gonna write some extra pieces that include her ! so you can see how truly hot, fearless, giving and confident she is. she was watching the whole seoyeon situation from afar and buzzing with anger as the minutes went on. she just had to punch her. it angers her that seoyeon picks on yn because she knows that she won’t fight back and believes her to be an easy target, she vocalises that clearly. she says that she is more insecure than she claims yn to be. she says that her obbession with yn is incredibly sad because what is she doing wrong!? she’s at a party and having fun with her boyfriend? she genuinely offers to book seoyeon a therapy session lmfao

lowkey wanna write this as an entire scene

should i?

[wilderebellion]

Mentopolis: Wordplay for Episodes 3 and 4

Spoilers through episode 4 of Mentopolis!

The Four Fs - Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn are instinctual, reflexive responses in a person when it comes to stress or trauma. In Mentopolis the Four Fs are siblings: a family of local officials (not from Cortex City) who had their own keys for the reflexive switchboard at Oblongata Station.

Ivana Popov - (Fight) I wanna pop off, a phrase meaning one wants to "fight/throw down/go all out." It usually refers to aggression or intensity, depending on the context. ("Art department really popped off this season" for example, means that production worked so intensely that it reflects in the final product in a powerful way. It does NOT mean "Rick Perry and team were literally boxing each other around the set.")

Ivana is Elias' Fight response, personified as a retired fighter turned coach. She listened to Conrad on the day of the ice skates incident, and used her key to have Elias stand up on his sister's behalf. This action was poorly received in the outside world by both the bully and by Elias's own sister.

Frank Freeze - (Freeze) He literally freezes up with fear and anxiety about making the wrong choice. He took over "driving" Elias just as the bully chose to retaliate against the big guy. He argued with his sister Fight after the incident, believing that listening to Conrad was a bad choice. He disappeared before the Four Fs were officially let go. (Side note: Someone mentioned the Four Fs were fired by Mayor Logic, whereas Ivana mentioned handing over her key to the DA). He masqueraded as a being of reason, but used his skill for What Ifs to avoid direct actions and to persuade others to maintain the status quo.

Fanny Fawnsworth (mentioned) - The Fawn response. She is known to work for Don Avaricci now. Given her inherent nature, she's likely a people pleaser.

Flight (mentioned) - Missing in action, allegedly skipped town after they were all fired. Current name unknown.

Las Vagus Casino - Play on Las Vegas, Nevada and the Vagus nerve. The vagus nerve affects both sensory and motor functions and is a very long nerve in one's body. It connects to digestion, heart rate, breathing, and more. In short look at it as a connective path between the brain and the gut.

The psychometer project - Psychometrics refers to science about measuring mental processes. Psychometry refers to object reading, usually. Basically clairvoyance through touching an inanimate object. In this case, we're actually touching the frequency of someone's brain. "There's an interaction, there's actually something from the machine touching the mind to be able to get an accurate reading. " Gobstopper Industries essentially wanted a way to sneak a peek at someone's brain - allegedly for the purpose of helping and diagnosing people, but if that was ever true, they've clearly changed their plan for more nefarious purposes. The psychometer affects Mentopolis through the appearance of the white key - a "key to the city", one might say.

Immanuel and Imogen Pulse - Imelda's parents. They are similarly named as they are all aspects of Impulse.

Dominick "Dom" Nuntz - (Dominance) Despite the powerful name, this concept is weak for Elias. He has the benefit of Ivana in his corner as a trainer, but both have been hindered in their functions

Self Doubt - Pretty explanatory. He's big and burly and intimidating because he gets a LOT of exercise from Elias.

Stacy Fakename - At first this was just an obvious alias introduced by Imelda, but it seems to have taken on a life of its own beyond the PCs. Max at Oblongata Station says that a Stacy Fakename has 300+ counts of skipping out on their train fares.

Jacques Ennui - (Ennui) The organ grinder that wanders Mentopolis, and the manifestation of weariness/dissatisfaction for Elias.

Officer Joie de Vivre - (Joy of Life) An easy-going guy who seems a little bit of out of place as a Shock Trooper. As an NPC, it's amusing that he keeps finding a sort of positive spin on things, but what about as a manifestation for part of Elias? Does this mean Elias has a misplaced tendency to find or ascribe meaning when there isn't one? Or is he lying to himself about what makes him happy?

UPDATE for Mr. H.V. Lance - Instead of Vigilance, it looks like the Deputy Chief of Staff to the mayor is actually Hypervigilance. He's on the lookout for threats, and tends to OVER-estimate them.

Pasha N. - (Passion) Another concept for Elias that is surprisingly not aggressive. His passions have quieted over the years, been refined and narrowed. Pasha herself is a forensic scientist, which lines up with Elias's scientific pursuits. Her current role seems more like the receptionist for the police evidence locker. Her knowledge of bird facts is going completely unused until the Fix strikes up a conversation with her and they hit it off. They have the slightly awkward mutual connection of Ichabod Ice Skates - Fix remembers him from the Hall of Interests in Episode 2. But Ichabod is Pasha's late brother.

Thalamus & Sons - The hypothalamus helps keep the body in balance through the sending and receiving of signals. In Mentopolis, this appears to be a business, presumably a family-run one. Norrell Ojiccle obtained the copper gun here. More may be gleaned in episode 5.

EDIT: I think the Thalamus is actually a specific part of the brain besides just the hypothalamus, so there may be more to that explanation.

[jiangshinigami]

Y'know thinking about it, was there any lore reason for Emma and Noah to get a special battle stage when they entered the library? Or even really context wise?

Like, Love Town is a big boss fight, the most powerful opponents of Urban Plague, Philip developed ego, meaning he was experiencing extreme emotions which obviously affects the library, and reflects in the crying children when it's all broken down.

But Emma and Noah? They're just kinda silly guys, they're just chilling. When they make their way to the library they have a friendly little chat with Angela, from my understanding their emotions aren't really too intense in the moment.

I'm pretty sure in one of the realization dialogues (I've only done them recently, but my memory still isn't the best) it's said that the reason the library will sometimes change and become a reflection of the outside world is due to the strong emotions of powerful guests.

Again, before this point, Tomerry was very strong (and had been around for, like, 100's or 1000's of years), and Philip was developing ego, but Emma and Noah, while still powerful, aren't too substantial (atleast from my perspective) and they aren't exactly feeling intense emotions, but they still get a special stage/background.

Apart of this may be me completely underestimating Emma and Noah, while I don't see them as much of a challenging fight, they could very well still have been intended to be a boss by project moon, and actually, the special boss music and background supports that, in a way.

But still, there's also the context of what emotions they're feeling, why the library is being affected to change it's layout? Project Moon doesn't typically just do things because it would be cool or interesting without reason in there games, especially if it would conflict with the lore. Almost anything that happens gameplay wise also has a lore reason, either big or small.

This could just be making stuff up here, but they worked with their smaller art budget with Lobotomy Corp by making it apart of the lore that you're looking through everything though a cognitive filter (I don't know this for sure though, it's just a guess about the more stylised art and generally simpler look for lobotomy corp, and the much lower budget at the time. As far as I know they could have had that planned at the start and just went with the simpler style because of the cognition filter), your resets in L corp are one of the biggest parts of the story, they won't do stuff if it doesn't make sense.

But ofcourse, that's not to say it can't make sense for Emma and Noah, or that it doesn't, it could be possible that due to the 8 o'clock circus being a distortion, and Emma and Noah being affected by the distortion, it directly affected the library, like earlier, Philip's ego affected the library, and so did the crying children. Those examples are both tied to the direct source of those ego/distortion, meaning there's a large amount of emotion connected to them, whereas Emma and Noah have just been affected by a distortion, it's still possible.

One last thing, this isn't meant to be taken too seriously. Ofcourse, it's still a serious question and thought, but it's not a criticism of the game. Instead, it's more something to think about, having fun thinking about the lore and reasons why things happen.

Along with that, I still haven't finished the game, and I could very well end up with an answer later, and even if I don't, it's not necessary. Getting upset over a small detail like this would be nitpicking, in my opinion.

[rawmeknockout]

Lost Light crew reacting to a mech (reader) having a flashback, assuming said mech did not previously disclose that they’ve been abused by their conjunx in the past? I know it’s a bit angst-y but my traumatized ass would love it if you wrote on this

//im not usually comfortable with like,,, abuse-centered stuff bc i think it is a pretty far reaching thing that doesnt even primarily take the form of violence and just feels like a 'mundanity' that seeps into all aspects of life (which is hard to portray in little snippets tbh) but this idea was just calling to me for some reason; btw only did a few bc these are long and id rather explore this in a reader-central fic than in headcanons//

rodimus

when your ex captain’s ship crosses paths with the lost light, he really doesn’t think anything of it. his crew sees horrible old acquaintances all the time in their journey. it’s only until later that rodimus thinks this time is different. youre not filling him in on what's wrong and continue to brush aside his worry, but your old captain is already making their way on board to greet him and rodimus has to play polite. your old captain seems like a decent guy, and he's clearly admired by his crew. sometimes personal issues turn sour, so, although he doesnt like that tense, twisted look on your face and the way your optics focus on the boarding dock with an intensity he's never seen, rodimus believes it should be fine for now.

he pesters you later to know what's wrong, cause he's a nosy sort of friend, and when he finds out(whether from you or someone in the know), Rodimus insists that the crew has to slaughter this guy. Magnus has to step in to stop rodimus from starting a fight.

even afterwards, you continue to insist that what happened was in the past and not that big enough of a deal to do anything. he feels a nagging in his processor. that he should have done something, although he draws a blank when its not about punching someone or yelling them down.

tailgate

as someone more perceptive than he lets on, tailgate gets a feel that something is wrong when he asks you what it was like to be part of that other crew. you give some vague response and leave it at that, clearly very distracted by something, but he figures maybe you just don't like your old captain as a person. it seems a lot of higher up autobots tend to say one thing and do another, making them not all theyre cracked up to be.

he's not good with words so he just gets furious when he finds out your past. he’s ready to fight and also torment and also eviscerate. yeah maybe sometimes he bullies you or pranks you but that’s a privilege reserved for tailgate and tailgate specifically! an absolute bastard of maximum proportions. i’m not just talking about fist fighting he’s cooking up plans for murder.

in the end, tailgate doesn't exactly have the best way of comforting you. he's never dealt with this sort of thing and telling you that he'll keep you safe seems to fall flat when he actually voices it.

chromedome

you two aren't particularly close before this, so chromedome is much too focused on his day-to-day tasks to bother with a visiting crew they can exchange supplies/maps with. that is until rewind gives him the scoop about what seems to have gone down on the bridge today regarding rodimus and the other captain. chromedome is really only half listening, rodimus is known to get pretty violently jealous, until rewind gets to the part about your old captain potentially being 'rough' with his crewmates.

he knows a thing or two about shitty exes. he figures your situation is much different from his own until you confirm that you did, in fact, date your old captain. you two are more alike than he realized. it's hard to be around someone you trusted after they took advantage of you, using their proximity to hurt you, but it seems unlike him you can't shake your ex. whereas chromedome can just leave cybertron to escape, your ex is in a position where he can keep tabs on you and it's not exactly weird. he finds himself much more protective of you, especially if magnus and megatron don't let the lost light beat up your ex.

he'll just have to make up for that on his own time.

[captainsspnanon]

C3E58 - reaction

I am very entertained that they are fighting a creature with many mouths who causes psychic damage from the sounds, considering I'm in the gibbering mouther section of my C2 rewatch and about to get to the laughing hand, so it's all just fucked up mouths for me XD

LOL the fact that FCG has started consistently fucking with who doesn't get bonded and it's an issue each time. I love it! Though I'm worried about their stress points, I'm also kinda looking forwards to a little blow up.

I saw a few spoilers about the episode before I watched so I WASN'T terrified when Fearne went down and got swallowed, but holy fuck if I hadn't known she lived for a threesome, that would have been so stressful!

I'm so glad we got to see at least a tiny glimpse of the wolf-king! I want Matt to post a picture of it on twitter please! Please please just for me!

Huzzah for bag of holding! Great with the notes and harness and rod for plot development, good for funds for refilling some pockets, especially because ...well, I don't even know what the funds status is of this group. VM was rich AF, M9 was poor AF, I have no clue where BH falls. Especially because a lot of it is based on RP (I think M9 probably had as much as BH, but rped as much poorer - nope I lied, counting today's haul, BH has like double the amount that M9 had by the same episode)

Wish we could have gotten more from the FRIDA moment, interesting that Matt has Christian be much more active in the rolls and directions, whereas with Ashton and Fearne's dad (not Birdie, I can't remember his name) they were much more passive while Imogen and FCG/Laura and Sam really took the lead. Confirmation of Aeor though! Sounds like they got smited by the gods though I don't think we had any idea previously that some Aeorians were against using the malleus factorum. Not surprising once I think about it for like, two seconds, but never considered it before.

THREESOME!!!!! Oh I SO hope that Fearne holds to her early game comment and does 'work her way through all of them'. PLS PLS PLS. Anyhow, a touching and mostly hilarious moment, I loved every second of it. I'm also pleased that the first kiss and first sex scenes were from PCs that it seemed like the fans went out of their way to desexualize, I love it.

All the gifts! Hoodies were adorable, and then two wooden gifts from Chet! With how frequently the table gave each other game related gifts out of game previously, I do enjoy how much it's a lot of in-game gifts now.

Oh fuck those scenes with the Changebringer and Dawnfather were INTENSE. HOLY SHIT. I am very hyped, for the gods to just force visions and make demands (at varying levels of demandingness)!!! I wonder how many non-PCs are also receiving these visions? Did Caduceus get one? Fjord? Pike and Vex and Scanlan? Random other clerics and paladins of the world?

Seriously, I am so hype. C3 took me a bit to settle it, but it is a very easy second place for me out of the three campaigns! Still won't beat C2 for me, but I'm pretty sure that's because 1) it was my first campaign and 2) it's when I really hit hyperfocus on CR and could watch two and a half to three episodes a day. ...yeah, I binged HARD on C2. Started late January 21 and finished in time to watch the finale live.

I'm also intrigued to see how all this is going to go. They physically CAN'T have Aabria and Christian playing once everyone is back together, there's just no room at the table. What is going to be the thing that splits them up? I wonder if it'll end up coming down to an NPC having to be 'group regulars go to this location, group guests go to this location' to have a natural and realistic separation.

[girl4music]

I’ve had a revelation of sorts regarding Willow putting Tara under that ‘forget’ spell in ‘All The Way’ when she was fighting with her about abusing magic when watching the episode ‘Tough Love’ just now. And I’m not too sure how to feel about it at this present moment in time. Part of me thinks it’s clever. But another part of me thinks it’s cruel. And I don’t know which part of me should win out over the other. My head or my heart. 🥺 But anyway - my revelation:

Part of the fight they had in ‘Tough Love’ had to do with Tara being frightened of Willow’s rapidly growing magical power, and then Willow changes the context of it to trust and commitment. Interpreting what Tara said as her not being able to trust Willow about her declared sexuality. That she would switch to straight (only Willow would think in black and white terms like that) and realizing that it’s because of the fight that Tara was left alone at the multi-cultural fair while Willow sat in the Magic Box moping. Leaving her vulnerable to Glory. Willow likely blamed herself for what happened to Tara. And she was so anxious about it happening again that she resulted to drastic measures to prevent any sort of fighting between them that would separate them. That would leave Tara alone to be targeted by their many enemies. Thus, choosing to erase Tara’s memories about any fights so that Tara would remain physically close to her - at her side. That way she could prevent her from being physically harmed. She likely thought of it as a safety measure. The only thing is - she never counted herself as the potential danger to Tara. Of course she wouldn’t because at that point she believed herself to be Tara’s protector. Not losing Tara’s love in any way, shape or form was something she always made sure of. But Tara losing her life and permanently was Willow’s worst nightmare. The anxiety likely doubled in intensity after losing Buffy. And so she did what she did to protect them. In her mind - that’s how she thought of it. Protecting Tara. But the sad thing is that she pretty much ends up doing exactly what Glory did. Messing with her mind. True, she only erased her memories whereas Glory erased her sanity. But the principle is still the same. It’s abuse or violation whichever way you look at it. And knowing this as the potential source behind Willow’s abuse - this also provides logical standing that it likely happened well before we were shown it. That she was erasing memories of them fighting from as early as the start of Season 6. Or even in the wake of Buffy’s death.

It all comes back to the old adage of “Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”

So in a sense - the themes of power corruption and vengeance were always apart of the whole arc for Willow. Just in a less obvious way. It is constant anxiety that plagues Willow all throughout the show - in various ways and to various degrees. The anxiety of loss, of inconsequentiality, of failing. Of being unable to control everything that happened around her. And so the moment she knew she could - through magic - I don’t think it really mattered to her that she controlled Tara so long as it was a means to an end.

So long as it could protect her and their relationship because, as far as she saw it, it was one in the same. That to separate physically would be the end of Tara. Well, it ended up being the opposite. It is their physical closeness that is what killed Tara. It’s the worst sort of painful irony any writer could come up with. I would have rather it been BECAUSE OF IT and not IN SPITE OF IT. I’ve said that before but it really does pull at the heart strings to an extremely uncomfortable amount every time I think about it. That what put Tara in the crossfire of a bullet was not Willow abusing Tara - but just wanting to be with her. But at the same time - I cannot deny the tragic poetic-ness of it. I cannot call it bad writing if the intention by the writer was for it to come full circle. That a lover’s death was always the inevitability of Willow’s insistence to take matters into her own hands without informing the ones it would affect all because she had the constant anxiety of losing them. It’s like some people have already said - of which I always scoffed at until now - if it wasn’t Tara, it was going to be Oz or even Xander. Someone with an extremely strong emotional bond with Willow. Someone that knew her better than she knew herself. Someone that could pull her from her personal abyss. It just really hurts that that someone had to be Tara. But - I get it now. And truth be told, maybe I always did, I just didn’t want to admit it. For admitting it would mean having to admit that Whedon was right. The storytelling does outweigh the tragedy. There is a point that justifies the pain. And I’m grappling with the weight of that revelation at this very moment. I still don’t like it, but I am coming to terms with it.

I will not ever say that Willow’s abuse of Tara is not out of love. True love. It is. It’s just she wasn’t willing to accept that she was falling into her Greek tragedy. That in the effort to be the hero of her own story, she actually became the villain in other people’s stories. There is poetry in that when you consider the actions and choices the character would result to earlier in the show. But what happens when there is no external monsters to fight? Where can the fight go other than back into the very vessel it began in? Into the internal.

[sweet-star-cookie]

heyo! question time!

i've noticed that in older posts, cassie has family members and friends, can you tell me more? do they know about her thing with the zodiacs? what are their relationships like with her? do they try to help her with her zodiac shenanigans or do they mainly stay out of the way?

Yes indeed! I've been chipping away at updates for the other Earth characters in terms of art, but I have enough to give you the gist at least :)

Funnily enough, I had a feeling you might ask about Cassie's family at some point, so I'd started refining their current designs because it has been a while (I'm not done yet though so here's the halfway done art for now lol)

(and old art from 2020 that I never posted lmao) Here's their ages as well if you need them: Cassie - 14 Nora - 46 Andrew - 43 Demitri - 17

Generally speaking, Cassie's family is pretty tight knit and happy, a kind of stability that becomes more and more necessary as things start to get more intense with all the star stuff! It's important to remember that Cassie was born with her star eye, so on some level her family knew that something unusual was going to happen with it eventually, even if they didn't know what at the time. The details of it were still quite the surprise once they did find out, but they each had their own ways of preparing for it or otherwise expecting it beforehand. Like her friends, they do what they can to help her, even if they're not able to directly deal with the supernatural shenanigans themselves. In many cases though, they turn out to be more useful than even they realize! Nora The pragmatic and no-nonsense mom, in stark contrast to her family of quirky dreamer types. Nora's not without her own quirks though, and despite her low tolerance for the fantastical, that doesn't mean she denies its existence either. In fact, she pays close attention to any information that she's given, even if it seems like she's not paying attention at all. She's a lot less serious than you might think, and she'd absolutely commit to a bit she didn't understand if it made her children or husband happy. She's the more detail oriented thinker between her and Andrew, and helps Cassie look at the most important stuff when trying to work out a problem, even if she herself does not understand how it all works. Or at the very least, she's able to give the most practical advice, as her world-weary attitude doesn't come from nowhere. Nora has a business job, usually something involving project management, and has a personality that one would need to survive that kind of job. She works long hours and is almost always seen with a coffee in her hand, a byproduct of her insomnia. Though the control of her anger is carefully calculated at all times, Nora is a bit of a mama bear as well, and will quite literally punch your lights out if you try to hurt her family! Cassie's moments of dry snark or sarcasm come from her, and so does a lot of her confidence in defending herself when being talked down to.

As things escalate, Nora spends more time at home to make sure that somebody is there with Cassie as much as possible, even if she can't fight the spirits for her. She worries about Cassie's safety like any good mother would, but understands that her daughter's situation is inevitable and tries to instill confidence in her instead, trusting that Cassie can handle it.

Andrew A quirky dad with nerdy interests, which lends itself well to his job as a film studies professor at a community college. If Nora is the detail thinker, Andrew is the big picture dreamer, often thinking up fantastical reasons for things or otherwise enjoying the speculative side. He approaches life with great curiosity, for better or worse! He and Nora work well as a couple for this reason, as he is able to help Nora lighten up and have fun when she needs it, whereas Nora can pull him down from Cloud Nine every so often to think more practically.

He is endlessly optimistic and cheerful, and Cassie takes after him in this regard. He encouraged Cassie's years of speculating about what the Starglass was or what it was for, often doing his own speculating as well, and they bonded over the possibilities. He worries more openly about Cassie than Nora does, but is equally as proud when Cassie shows what she can do during a spirit encounter that he witnesses.

This is him holding Cassie for the first time and, notably, her eyes are still closed here. While he was always fascinated by the implications of her star eye, he always loved Cassie for her, not her eye. He calls her "Starshine" as a nickname.

Demitri (or Demi for short) Cassie's older brother, a fact that he uses often to (playfully) joke around at her expense like most older siblings do. Unlike most siblings, however, they get along quite well. He does much to look out for her, even if the ways he does this are more casual or subtle, like giving her rides or getting her a drink at the coffee shop. When Cassie and her friends start spirit hunting at night, he will often insist on tagging along to not only give them a ride there and back, but to also not let a trio of teenage girls go into a forest or cave on their own, regardless if they find a spirit at all.

He's a laid-back artist with an interest in video games, something he and Cassie play often. His art style is influenced by graffiti and street art, something that comes up during an encounter with Chamaeleon and her gang. Though he'd be largely useless in a fight, he will still drop everything to rescue Cassie if asked, feeling some sense of responsibility as her older sibling to protect her. When cornered, he'll usually try to joke his way out of something on instinct.

-------- And now here's some info about Cassie's friends :) (with more old art lol)

These two are Cassie's closest friends, having met each other when they were 8 and forming a trio since. Here's the three of them at that age as a bonus c':

Ellie The most cowardly of the three, but this does not prevent her from tagging along purely out of care for Cassie and Leena, even if it means she'll be screaming for most of it. Bubbly and innocent in demeanour, this causes some to underestimate her, thinking she's merely airheaded. Though she'd never be able to carry a sword like Cassie does, Ellie can still be surprisingly courageous when the chips are down, even if it's sporadically. She and her family work on a farm, and that knowledge comes in handy when placating the behaviour of some of the corrupted animal spirits. When they first met, Ellie and Cassie got along quickly by virtue of having similar personalities and interests, and Ellie didn't find Cassie's eye to be all that distracting.

Leena Normally an outcast and fairly quiet overall, but bitingly sarcastic when she isn't. She cares very little about the opinions of others, though this is largely as a shield against bullying than anything else, as her interest in anything morbid or creepy made it hard for her to make friends initially. A huge fan of all things supernatural, Leena was initially drawn to Cassie purely because of her star eye, but they quickly bonded over being outcasts, albeit for vastly different reasons. Leena is very much an opposite to both Cassie and Ellie when it comes to most things, but are on the same page for the stuff that matters, at least once they were able to navigate Leena's more unusual ways of showing affection.

Leena insists on tagging along for the spirit hunting purely for the sake of something actually interesting happening in their otherwise sleepy small town, though she does deeply care for her friends in secret. Prior to Cassie's training, she was the most physically adept of the three via her skills in martial arts.

Though ultimately harmless, her friends have learned not to question her evil laughter, as Leena always seems to be plotting something. Even if that something is nothing more than planning to scare Ellie, usually with a scary story. A lot of those stories become surprisingly relevant once the spirits start appearing on Earth, at least when it comes to the rumours of their town being haunted.

[cerise-on-top]

A Day After

I am hungover as all hell right now, I'm surprised I can still stand and all! So! What better thing to do than to imagine a beautiful streamer girl taking care of you after beating your butt at Mario Kart!

Thank you to @parasocialitevn for allowing me to write for her and making a female yandere vn! I am blessing you for this! I hope this is good enough!

Ah, the misery that had crept upon you, ever so silently from a crater of your own making. Whereas children outside spent their time making their cheer known to the world at a frequency most unpleasant to you, you could do naught but frown. For the intensity at which they experienced life did not match your own. Whereas boy and girl would fight dragons with swords of sticks and ammunition of stone, you were trapped inside, your head pounding as much as your heart did not too long ago. For as painful as it all had seemed, it was nature’s course: You were hungover from last night.

A bucket next to you, emptied anytime it had been refilled, brought a smell of utmost foulness with it. Memories of last night flooded your brain whenever you as much as took a whiff of its stench. Even so, you had to admit, it was a pleasant night altogether. Drinking in solitude may have been frowned upon, both by society and yourself, with both parties in agreement that it might be a pathetic and lonely custom, but you had company in your misery. Company, that nursed you back to health, or at least tried to.

“My love, you should drink some water and eat some toast. It’s said that it soaks up the stomach acid!”

It almost felt as though your wife was taking care of you with how gentle she was being. A glass of water in one hand, a plate of toast in the other, all the while a lovestruck smile was on her face. By no means did it go unnoticed by you, but you had bigger problems than considering your crush was acting like your wife. “Eden, you’re such a sweetheart, I have no idea however I should repay you.”

Upon being called a sweetheart, her grin only grew in size as it seemed for a moment she was shaking from merely a word. With pride in her steps and a straight back, she made her way towards you, who was sitting on your bed, head in your hands as you’re hunched over, considering your life choices. A sigh escaped you as she set down the plate and glass on the nightstand next to you. When a weight settled down next to you, not even then could you bring yourself to look up. Still, having someone look out for you like this felt nice. Memories of last night flashed before your eyes as you wondered how your companion hadn’t been as affected as you were.

Heaving a sigh, you finished in place just after her, meaning you had to take another shot. Her eyes, filled with glee and remorse, were telling that Eden intended for you to win instead. After all, a professional streamer wouldn’t end up in 6th place, just behind you, for the majority of the race. Still, it must have felt nice to her, to win. What are video games for if not the serotonin boost of beating a hard boss, or perhaps winning against your friends and family in a friendly, but heated, racing game.

“Sorry, Y/N, but if it makes you feel better, I can take a shot with you.” She shot you a friendly smile, tilting her head as she put her controller on her lap. Playing with the joystick of it still, she reached for the glass filled with some cheap, disgusting wine. But you couldn’t have that. Yes, your performance was gradually getting worse, but at least you had an excuse for such. For as much as it made your face distort every time you even thought of taking another sip, it was strong enough.

Strong enough for you to feel its effects sooner than you thought you would.

Her pink eyes, her soft skin, it all looked so alluring. But then again, she was a streamer, a very pretty one at that, so she was bound to take care of herself to some degree. Though, you doubted she considered her simps too much, given how, even when struggling against you during a round of a video game of your choice, she still glanced over at you, making sure you were okay. If only you had been that oblivious. It didn’t need a detective to be able to tell that she was into you. Then again, her cheerful nature was contagious. The way she doted on you, the way she would brush her hand “accidentally” against yours. The way she would smile whenever she got to see you. The way she hid her squeals and held her face in her hands whenever you complimented her.

With little to no problem, she reached out to her glass, her intentions clear. It wasn’t until she almost brought it to her lips that you realised what she was actually doing. Naturally, you couldn’t have that. “Eden.” You gently grabbed her arm, tugging at it in hopes of getting her attention. “You silly goose, it’s my turn to drink, I lost, after all. It’s only fair!”

The nickname had her giggle a bit, but ultimately, she put her glass down, watching you as you downed another shot, cringing at its taste. Coughing a bit, you set down your beverage as well, yearning for the moment you could finally drink something else. Your perception may have been altered, feeling woozy as well as a pounding in your head already, but you could have sworn Eden sighed as she took in your drunken state. It was surprising she could still be into you, even when you were about to pass out. Then again, it was hard to not feel the same way about her. In vino veritas, but by no means were you drunk enough yet to confess to her.

“M gonna bring ya down, Eden. Next round.”

“Haha, next round indeed. I believe in you, Y/N.”

The way she said your name, it was hard to believe she hadn’t rolled onto her stomach, kicking her legs in the air while giggling, yet.

While it felt like a surprise at first, soon enough you relaxed into her touch as she gently rubbed soothing circles into your back. “How are you feeling?” Her voice was as soothing and gentle as lying in a field of grass during a warm spring day. Certainly, there weren’t too many things you remembered from last night, not after your last consecutive loss against her, but it was still nice. You felt safe with her. Had she done anything with and to you, you likely would have remembered. But no, nothing. You didn’t feel disgusted, you didn’t feel sullied, you simply felt relaxed around her. While she may have been in love with you, you didn’t feel as though Eden would take advantage of you. Giving you a hug, perhaps, but that’s about it. Not that your touch starved self would be opposed to that anyway.

“M fine.” You sighed again, feeling your stomach get more upset. But it never turned into anything more. You were grateful to any and every deity out there for that.

“You really overdid it this time, didn’t you? I’m sorry. Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you, it’s the least I can do.”

“Eden, you’re a heaven-sent.” Your entire body was pulsating as it took in her warmth, it was a surprise you hadn’t collapsed yet. But by Jove, when was the last time you had actually been touched like that? If being hungover like this was what it took to be this close to her, then maybe it was worth it after all. Twitching and shivering, you took the glass of water, barely capable of not spilling its contents. Downing it slowly, it felt so good, drinking something that wasn’t disgusting wine and cheap vodka. While it may not have alleviated your headache just yet, it sure felt like a life saver already.

Shifting closer until her leg touched yours, she put an arm around you, pulling her closer to her body. “Don’t you wanna eat something as well?”

“Oh hell no, that won’t stay down! Later, once I feel better. But thank you, don’t know where I’d be without you.” No protests whatsoever, not even the need for one, made themselves known as Eden put her head on your shoulder, sighing contently.

“Have it your way, but promise me you’ll eat. Please?” Goshdarnit, she was so adorable.

“Yeah, I promise.”

“Thank you.” And with that, she shifted her head a bit, enough so she can give you a kiss on the cheek. “I love you.”

[violet-moonstone]

more httyd OCs

ok so I've got more next-generation dragon riders for the fic im working on

but they're the kids of the antagonists - the warlords of the northern alliance (im probably gonna come up with a different name for them, idk)

their perspective on dragons is somewhat complicated because they grew up with their parents telling them how horrible the world was before they subjugated dragons and how they have to be harsh with them to keep them in line...but at the same time, they grew up as dragon riders who have pretty close relationships with their own dragons. So they kind of see dragons in general as a force that has to be put under the "right" kind of control (ie, subordination, not cooperation).

sooo here's my lil guys!

Oktai (16/17ish) is the younger son of Griselda the Grievous and Chaghatai Khan (yes, I put them together, it just made sense to me, idk). Oktai gets along much better with his dad, who is more easygoing and laid back, whereas mom is suuuper intense. Oktai's sort of the runt of the litter of the warlord kids. He's not a fighter at all - somewhat similar to Hiccup in HTTYD 1, but a lot more cynical and moody. He's extremely jealous of his older brother but also looks up to him. He excels at learning about dragons — specifically how to manipulate them. It upsets him but he tries not to think about it too much cause he's just trying to get by and not piss anyone off, especially his mother. Any time he feels a twinge of empathy he shoves it waaay down. Damn pesky conscience.

Appearance: Medium height and thin. Messy, black shoulder length hair, usually in a ponytail. Light brown, cat-like eyes. Pointed facial features.

Fun fact: Oktai is a Mongolian name that means "he who understands." Yes, this is important.

Oktai is the only one who does not ride a dragon.

Alaric (early 20s) is Oktai's older brother. He's handsome, tall, charismatic, honest, a great fighter, etc, etc. He's brave and a good leader—definitely next in line to lead the Warlords. He adheres strictly to the worldview his parents taught him—that dragons are a force that must be conquered. His father goes about this from more of a "greater good" perspective, whereas his mother wants to do away with any forces that stand in the way of her ability to exercise power. Either way, Alaric is not about questioning his worldview. Whereas Oktai avoids doing so out of fear, Alaric just doesn't understand why anyone would. He believes that they're the good guys. Not like those reckless anarchists on Berk...right?...Right?

Alaric doesn't really understand his baby brother but he looks out for him as best as he can.

Appearance: Tall, broad-shouldered. Long, dark brown hair in a braid. Light brown eyes. Rectangular features. Annoyingly handsome. And his teeth are just like...stupidly perfect. What a show-off.

Fights with a sword and rides a Typhoomerang...I think. Might change that later.

Bjorn (late teens/early 20s) is the older son of Ragnar the Rock. He's tall and beefy...like not muscular—BEEFY. He's kind of an asshole to Oktai but not when Alaric's around. He's very serious and easily-angered. His little sister annoys the hell out of him, but he's still protective of her.

Appearance: Tall, and as previously stated, beefed up. Covered in tattoos. Short, curly ginger hair shaved on the sides.

Fights with a mace and rides a Crimson Goregutter. He really likes the name.

Edda (about 15) You CANNOT stop her, she can only be contained. Younger daughter of Ragnar the Rock. She's mischievous, impulsive, and sneaky. Also tends to be mean to Oktai, but not always on purpose. She kind of just opens her mouth and stuff comes out. Who can keep track?

Appearance: Short with an athletic build. She has a cute baby face (but don't let that fool you. She will set your house on fire). Short, curly ginger hair. Absolutely covered in freckles.

Fights with knives and rides a Raincutter, whom she has secretly named Puddle (they're not supposed to name their dragons). She loved Puddle too much not to name him though.

[roseofblogging]

I've now seen Barbie twice and Oppenheimer once. They both left me with a lot of thoughts. It's also interesting how this cultural moment has got us comparing them due to releasing on the same day despite how different they are.

But not for the reasons we thought!!!

And I have my own thoughts!

I mean, yes, I knew going into Oppenheimer I was going to leave feeling heavy. I'm no expert on World War II history (I focused my history studies on the Cold War, and specifically Central/Eastern Europe), but we know the US bombed Japan, changing Japan forever. I've also watched the original Godzilla film in Japanese, Grave of the Fireflies, and plenty of other films focused on Japan's response to that traumatic and horrible experience. I can't shake all of that going into Oppenheimer.

I've seen some responses that the biopic goes too easy on Oppenheimer and the US, and while I never expected the film to have a specific anti-war bent (that would have been at odds with the person the film this is centering), it really effectively communicates the weight of the US possessing weapons of mass destruction. The pounding of the auditorium steps after the successful Trinity test, the shots of Oppenheimer imagining the audience dying as well as him stepping onto and breaking a charred body, the cacophony of cheers and terrified screams and stomping, and just...it was so, so much. I felt myself folding into myself, just so overwhelmed. It's such a good scene that carries through that emotional weight for the rest of the movie as Oppenheimer transitions into strongly advising against creating the hydrogen bomb in a race with the USSR. Not to mention all of the tension that underlies all US politics post-WWII in the era of McCarthyism, which still influences us today. Oppenheimer is not an easy film to watch.

But it's also strangely dreamy. Oppenheimer was a man who was wrapped more in ideas than in people themselves, and there are so many unreal, beautiful shots of particles, ripples on water, etc. There are also plenty of awesome (in the old sense of the word) shots of violence and impact from the atomic bomb.

Oppenheimer as a film is both complicated in how it portrays a complicated man, but it's also pretty straightforward in its morals and messaging, whereas Barbie hit me in ways I wasn't really expecting.

Barbie starts off incredibly dreamlike, and it sells the fantasy of Barbieland very well. The willingness to commit to the bit is one of the film's strengths in how it depicts that world (and then Kendom). But the movie, in my opinion, becomes less about Gender and more about our place in the world. Yeah, you can look at that through a gendered lens (both for the Barbies and for the Kens), but it's Margot Robbie's Barbie who decides to become a Creator, a Dreamer and not the Idea that others make. There's actually something very powerful about being an idea, but people will always be more complicated than ideas (maybe that's Oppenheimer the character's issue with women?). On her first foray into the Real World, Barbie sees that things are nowhere near as sunny as she expected. Women are of course not treated well, but even beyond that, from her spot at the bus stop, she sees a couple fighting, kids playing, two men laughing together in joy, and a person in intense concentration, ambiguous to me as to whether he's reading something and focusing or grappling with a heavy decision internally. The complexity of the world hits her as a tear rolls down her cheek (and mine!!!).

When I talk to people about Barbie, we all have such different thoughts on the film--especially for us women, nonbinary people, and both trans men and trans women. The doll is such a huge part of our culture and impacted us in different ways. Barbie has a complicated history that Greta Gerwig actually does a pretty good job of addressing. The Oppenheimer movie does not particularly look at the atomic bomb and its history with the same level of complexity; rather, Oppenheimer himself pivots from singlemindedly leading the research and creation of the bomb "for science" to then later singlemindedly protesting the hydrogen bomb. Yes, it shows him as a human capable of changing his mind, but doesn't get into the more specific nuances of it. He's first very for the atomic bomb and then very against the hydrogen bomb. Barbie, on the other hand, represents SO MUCH. Femininity both as power and as critique. Being everything (all of the different Barbies as a group) vs being one thing (Barbie as an individual, the character; made for a specific idea). Barbie as the trappings of gender roles vs. Barbie as uplifting. Barbie is everything, good and bad.

Yeah, there are issues with both films. Oppenheimer has some very weak dialogue, and Oppenheimer himself is, uh...problematic, as we say? Barbie has pretty paper thin Feminism 101. It never gets into how capitalism specifically impacts feminism and seeks to uphold gender roles and gendered expectations. It's definitely not Marxist, h aha. (But I also never expected it to tackle that. After all, it's still produced by Warner Bros and Mattel.)

I didn't expect Oppenheimer to be so dreamlike. And I definitely didn't expect Barbie to give me so many emotions about mothers and daughters and becoming your own person, going beyond the story made for you. That's what made me cry in Barbie during the final montage of childhood memories from all the staff/cast members on the project.

[staycalmandhugaclone]

If you're new, this all starts with Touch Starved - Echo! You can read this little chunk as a standalone, or head back to the beginning for the full experience!

One of my besties on here mentioned they had some specific aversions severe gore, so I made a toned down version so they could still enjoy the story. Please don't hesitate to reach out with requests like this! If you're invested in my writings but aren't comfortable with a certain trigger warning, just let me know and I'll do my best to offer a version that is better for you!

Febuwhump Day 6 (Censored)

Secrets Revealed – OC Medic & TBB - An unexpected EMP forces Doc to reveal aspects of their past that could well turn the batch against them. Click here for the uncensored version.

Warnings: Mild descriptions of gore/injury, language, panic attacks, angst, PTSD flashbacks, self-depreciation, offhand reference to minor character death. This one hits a lot of potentially triggering topics pretty intensely and is fueled from a very dark place I was in with my own injury. Be kind to yourself. Healing is a nonlinear process.

WC: 6,291

Shoulder rolling to shift the strap of my medbag out of the crevice between my shoulder bell and chest plate, I glanced behind me to where Tech stood before a large blast door, fingers flying across the screen of his datapad. He’d been fighting to splice the security program for several minutes already, and each minute lost brought his brows furrowing closer together, lips bunching in annoyance. Turning my attention back to the hall behind us, I tried to listen for any signs of approaching enemies, but Echo and Crosshair’s distraction elsewhere on the Separatist flagship seemed to be a grand success. Hunter and Wrecker were on the level directly below us, acting as a secondary contingency plan should we run into trouble.

“It’s no use.” Eyes wide, I turned in shock to find Tech disconnecting his handheld from the panel near the door. “It would likely take me several more minutes to breach their firewalls. I am not comfortable with such a delay.”

“Guess Echo and I should have swapped places.” I said apologetically, earning a skeptical look from the tall clone.

“Echo is a highly skilled arc trooper. His chances of survival behind enemy lines far outweigh your own whereas your knowledge of the sciences will be useful in skimming through their records for relevant data.” I shot him a blank look - I’d been there when Hunter explained our roles, just the same as him.

“Doubling down on how quickly we can sift through their records is only worthwhile if we can get in there.” He didn’t wait for me to finish my retort before shutting down his datapad and hooking it to his waist.

“That won’t be a problem.” He dismissed. Without allowing me a chance to respond, he brought his comm to his lips. “Wrecker, go ahead and deploy-”

“I get to use it?!” Wrecker shouted. Tech frowned at the interruption, but his voice remained calm as he answered.

“Yes; it seems they’ve increased se-”

“Yeah, yeah; enough talkin’!” Tech let out a small sigh before beginning to shut down the communicator.

“Very well. Cutting comms.” I frowned, unsure why whatever Wrecker was doing would warrant actually turning off his gear.

“Is he blowing up some power unit for the door?” I asked doubtfully. His eyebrow cocked at my question.

“In a sense. I would advice turning off your communicator.” I stood still a moment longer, trying to understand. “Once the EMP detonates, we will be able to force open the door enough to” I didn’t hear the rest of his sentence, heart plummeting.

“E… EMP?” My voice nearly caught in my throat, body already taking a half step back. Hearing the sudden fear in my voice, Tech turned his full attention to me, as though he might find answers with a mere glance.

“Yes. That’s why he and Hunter are positioned directly below us.” Panic turned my blood to ice, heart bursting into a frantic pace.

“N… the-the radius – what’s the radius?!” Stammered words quickly turned into a shout, legs stumbling to remember how to move.

“Approximately thirty meters – enough to allow”

“No-no-no-no.” Thirty meters. Run. Run. Don’t think. The futility of the mad dash didn’t matter; the certainty that there simply wasn’t time to cross such a distance. The concern and confusion in Tech’s voice as he called my name didn’t matter. Just run.

I barely felt the ripple of static as the world went dark. Mid-sprint, my ankle went dead, foot falling limp and catching on the hard ground. And then I was falling, body crashing with enough force to tear the air from my lungs. For a single, blissful second, my mind was too taken by that threat of suffocation, lungs burning as my diaphragm balked beneath the sudden assault, but then that dread returned.

I remembered knowing we on the Separatist ship. I remembered knowing that Tech was with me, that Hunter and Wrecker were barely ten meters below us, and the Havoc Marauder was carefully hidden against an emergency escape on the outer hull. I remembered that the ship crash that first brought me officially into the Republic army was nearly two years ago and those wounds had long since healed, but, the instant the lights went out, those memories slipped away amidst the terror of nerves screaming beneath a memory far more consuming: pain.

Deaf to the wheezing of my faltered breathes, logic abandoned me. There was only fear; limbs flailing to push me upright, as though maybe I was mistaken; maybe I’d merely tripped, but, when I pulled my leg under me, when the sweeping beam of a flashlight showed how my foot hung listless to any demand to move, I was right back on that crippled transport unable to unsee the ruin of that joint.

“No-no-no.” The senseless plea stammered over numb limps and I felt myself crash back to the ground, strength abandoning me. Good leg dragging atop the smooth tiles, I just managing to push myself back against the wall, hands clawing into my shin as I stared dumbly at the useless joint. I knew there was no blood soaking beneath my hands, knew there was no pain shooting from ruined flesh, but the very memory of that long ago agony locked my every muscle, terrified that one wrong move might reawaken shrieking nerves – remind them that I should hurt, that it would never stop hurting.

I couldn’t hear the way my rapid gasps deteriorated into broken whimpers, nor the growingly frantic calls from Tech as he dropped to his knees beside me. It wasn’t until his hand slipped beneath mine, just beginning to cradle the wretched limb, that I even realized I wasn’t alone, and that horror struck me anew.

“Don’t touch me!” The screech tore from my throat, body violently lashing out to kick him away, still unable to tear my gaze from the way my foot simply… dangled, rocking listlessly with the momentum of my frantic movements. The thud of plastoid hitting metal was enough to pull my gaze away for just a moment, but it was enough. The fierce concern gleaming through the rich umber of his eyes… my friend… he was…

Bringing one hand back to bury my forehead against my palm, I strained to drag myself back to some level of control, cursing the fluttered racing of my heart, the way my entire torso convulsed in gulping, too-shallow gasps, lips twisted into a feral snarl as my teeth ground painfully together. The trill of a comm booting up drew my attention back to him, gaze wavering between him the that cursed joint.

“Very good. Now, can you tell me what happened?” I saw his mouth move long before hearing some distorted semblance of his voice. Had he been speaking earlier? What… what did he say? The familiar rhythm of my name fell from his lips in a tone far gentler than I’d ever heard from the man, dragging my focus back just a bit more.

“I will avoid contact as best I can, but I need you to help me understand what’s wrong.” He held his hands out before him, fingers splayed as though to further prove he wasn’t a threat. I found myself only able to stare at him for several seconds, mind lilting between the madness of fear and that fleeting grasp of logic. Tech. It was Tech kneeling before me. We were on a mission… My ankle…

“M… I-I…” I watched my fingers curl tighter around my leg, eyes sharpening into a glare as I looked back to my ankle in a sickening flurry of disgust and rage.

“Hunter, do you read me?” Scowling anew at the violent tremble I couldn’t begin to hide, my attention swept back to the man before me, the carefully leveled crispness of his voice a painful contrast to the unrelenting panic continuing to flood my veins with adrenaline. “I am unsure what happened, but the EMP seems to have compromised Doc.” Compromised. The consequences of his words broke through the fog of distortion.

“N… no-no! I’m not…” My lips moved before I could fully grasp the entirety of the thought, hand shaking as it darted out to snatch at his wrist. Still, I couldn’t quite grasp the sharp bark of Hunter’s reply.

“Just a moment – standby.” Tech said absently before disconnected the line. “Are you lucid enough to explain what happened?” Frowning, I had to repeat his words silently before finding some vague meaning. What happened…

“The… the EMP,” I stammered, gaze dropping to where my hand continued to cling to his wrist. He didn’t pull away, and the subtle warmth seeping through that slim space between his vambrace and glove suddenly felt overwhelming, attention tuning into it with a focus wildly disproportionate to the simplicity of it. “It killed the… the MPS.” He was silent for barely a second before understanding dawned on him.

“A micel power supply? You have a mechanical leg?” He asked, looking at my ankle with new interest. I’d just begun forming a reply when his hand moved toward the limb once more, and that terror tore through me with the same ferocity, body shying from him as though his very touch might rend my flesh to ruin.

“Don’t!” Even I could hear the madness in my voice, wide eyes staring blindly at my ankle as the color drained from my face. Instantly, he pulled back once more, expression falling back into that studious attentiveness, mind churning over some illogical equation.

“If this is from before you joined us, it should be long passed any ill effects from merely being touched.” He pressed, the simple rationality of his words reawakening the stomach-churning shame and wrenching a choked sob from me, knuckles cracking from where they still clenched his wrist.

“The battery should be easily replaceable. This is merely a temporary inconvenience.” He continued, confusion pulling his expression into a subtle frown. “For ease of mobility, a splint will keep the joint stationary until we can requisition a replacement.” The mere thought of seeing that limb in a splint again churned my stomach so sharply, I had to snatch my lip between my teeth to still the gag.

“What’s going on up there, Tech?” Hunter’s voice chimed impatiently from his comm, earning a flash of irritation from the pilot.

“Mechanical limb I wasn’t aware of – the EMP drained the power supply, but…” The words muttered absently from his lips, gaze quickly drifting back to mine.

“Doc has a robot arm?” The mic only just picked up Wrecker’s comment.

“Leg, unfortunately.” Tech automatically corrected.

“Can you get the both of you back to the Marauder?” Hunter asked.

“No!” The word burst from me with a whole new dread. “N-no, no, I’m… I’m fine-I’m…” I had to take a long moment to breathe, jaw shifting in some desperate drive to explain – to prevent them from calling off the mission because of me. “We don’t need to fall back!” It sounded like I was begging him… maybe I was.

“I believe there is time to retrieve at least some of the data before we need to leave.” Tech stated, eyes burring into mine as I looked up at him in shocked gratitude.

“Fine.” Hunter nearly growled after a long pause, “Wrecker and I will double-time it to you, but if there’s any sign of danger, get out of there.”

“Understood.” With that, he disconnected the call once more before watching me in a heavy silence, waiting. I tried to speak, lips twitching with words I couldn’t quite force into existence.

“If I may voice a theory,” He started, voice dropping into something almost gentle, “It seems whatever injury led to your augmentation left a greater impact than the augmentation itself.” Blinking against the burn of tears I refused to let fall, I felt the air fill my lungs; felt the still painfully quick racing of my heart; felt the heat of his wrist that he still made no effort to free from my grasp, and some wretched cocktail of defeat and fear and anger stole through me.

“It was… it was bad, okay?!” I finally snapped, already losing what little control I’d just begun to regain over my too-quick breathes. “I was… I was alone, and it… hm… It was c-crushed… It…” Just thinking of that night… my stomach seized, body going taut with the effort to force it back under control. I didn’t want to look at him – didn’t want to see that impatience or frustration in the face of my weakness, but my gaze seemed drawn to him. And I felt myself go still. There was no hint of annoyance in those eyes. With a deep quiet, he merely listened, focus tuned so fully onto me, I wondered just how much he learned from everything left unspoken.

“What you are describing is a type of post traumatic stress disorder.” He explained with a calm I found myself captivated by. “Just because it is considered a mental disorder, does not make it any less severe or debilitating that a physical injury.” A glimmer of sympathy and regret touched those eyes before he continued, “But, at present, I am afraid there is very little leeway to allow for appropriate consideration. If we are to finish the mission, we need to move quickly. That means securing your joint to prevent it from becoming a greater liability.” My throat constricted against the truth in his words. “If you are unable to apply a splint yourself, I can”

“No.” It left on a sharp breath, but he didn’t press as I gathered my thoughts, finally forcing myself to release him if only to begin slipping the pack from my shoulders, movements jolted and unsteady. “I can… I can do it.” He drew a slow, deep breath before reaching out to help me free my arms from the unyielding straps.

“Go.” I instructed quietly, trying not to think as I began digging through the main pouch to retrieve the brace. “I can do this.” Despite the weakness of my voice, he hesitated only a moment longer before nodding and pushing himself to his feet. Without another word, he darted back down the hall toward the powerless door.

I focused on the sounds booming through the darkness as I flicked on my own flashlight, forgotten in the depth of that momentary insanity. I focused on the quiet grunts as he strained against the weight of the door that I was supposed to help him with; listened to the metal finally begin to grind open. Eyes blindly following the movements of hands I tried vainly not to remember were mine, I listened to the quiet flutter of his footsteps darting through the neighboring room, certain he was using a mobile power source to boot up individual servers.

I was supposed to be helping him – pouring through that endless data right beside him; shouldering some of the weight of the endless responsibilities constantly thrown at these men I so desperately wanted to protect, but instead I sat curled against the wall, hands seizing inches from my unresponsive foot, grip burring into the split until my fingers ached. Move. Move, dammit! Just tie the damn thing up so you don’t slow them down any more than you already have!

Chest shaking beneath gasps too shallow to even feign relief from the suffocation burning my lungs, I felt the muscles of my arms tense, straining to push the limbs forward, to function, to just touch that useless limb before Hunter and Wrecker could see me in such a pathetic state. The very tip of my finger just managed to brush against my heal, and my body shook as though even that fleeting sensation might burn me. But there was nothing. Of course, there was nothing.

With that mental block finally broken, I wrenched the splint around my ankle, movements rushed by my own frustration and contempt. If I had just done this when the EMP first went off, maybe I still could have been of some use to Tech, but I couldn’t begin to guess how much time had been wasted in that pointless panic.

When I finally managed to push myself up against the wall, mind still rebelling at even the thought of resting that foot atop the floor, the sound of quickly approaching footsteps echoed distantly through the darkness. Bag tucked into the corner, I leveled my blaster toward the sound, eyes straining in search of those familiar silhouettes, finger ready to dance atop the trigger if I saw anything but.

“Can’t get you out of here if you shoot us.” Hunter’s weary voice carried down the hall seconds before he and Wrecker came into sight, and I couldn’t bring myself to offer more than a huff of relief. They said nothing more as they trotted quickly up to me.

“How come you didn’t tell us about the leg? ‘bet Echo’s gonna be jealous we found us first!” Wrecker asked. Beneath that boisterous personality, there was a subtle gentleness in his words that robbed me of any façade of stability.

“It’s a long story.” I could only risk whispering the words on a slow sigh.

“Wrecker: stay with Tech. When Echo checks in, I don’t care how close to finishing he is – get him out of there.” Hunter ordered. Wrecker glanced between us a moment but gave a reluctant mockery of a salute and continued quickly toward the server room. Only after the grinding of metal signaled he’d reached the door did Hunter turn to me, modulator further emphasizing a long exhale. I tried to force out some explanation; some excuse that might grant me reprieve from the disappointment I could feel even through the darkness of his visor.

“I’m guessing there’s a very good reason you didn’t mention having a cybernetic?” Defeat stole through me. There was no escaping this.

“It’s my ankle.” I finally whispered. “Just the joint – I was able to save everything else.” He didn’t move for a moment. Watching me in a heavy silence, he leaned down and absently picked up my helmet. I stared blindly at it for several seconds before managing to convince my body to move, to take the object that had become such a vital part of my identity and slip it seamlessly over my head once more.

“Come on.” He grumbled, stepping up against my right side and wrapping an arm tightly around me. The initial surprise of his touch left me tense, but he merely tilted his visor toward me; waiting. Hand still trembling, I tentatively slid my arm over his shoulders, gaze dropping both from guilt and shame as well as from the lingering afterimage of fear demanding I guard that ruined limb. He took a single step forward and stopped, shifting expectantly toward me. My thigh moved forward, muscles tensing to finish the stride as best as the immobilized joint would allow.

I didn’t notice how my fingers began to grip at the thick muscle sloping down to his shoulder, back going rigid as I strained to convince my body to walk; to move; that there was no pain; no traumatic injury still in need of coddling. Twice, I managed to just brush the tile floors with my heel, but both times the limb jerked back, an icy sweat quickly seeping through my blacks and soaking into my hair as that tremble stole through me like an infection.

“Set your toes down first.” His voice dropped into a murmur, wrenching my attention back to him. “Don’t add any weight; just let your toes touch the floor.” He continued, unrushed and free of the irritation so prominent in my own impatience. It was only because of that quiet understanding that I was able to obey him, knee bending to just let my toes rest against that cold tile. I felt my shoulders tense, anticipating how the limb would balk, and I hated the distant thought that I knew this – that I’d walked countless others through these very steps so many times before, but was powerless to recall any of those fleeting memories in the face of my own need.

“Good.” He spoke like we were at the range; like he was teaching me how to better my aim rather than how to walk, and I wanted to sob for the gratitude of his gentleness in that moment. “Now, just let your foot roll down until it’s flat.” Fingers tightening around him once more, I shift to follow those soft words, body shaking so violently, it was only his grip around my back, hand flared over my ribs to hold me close against him that kept me from tumbling. Still, it took several seconds to ease my leg straight.

“You’re doing fine, Doc; just lean on me.” Eyes closing tightly, I felt my focus shift to the rhythm of his breath; how his chest swelled and sank in an unbothered dance. Calm. Steady. Strong. “Good.” I didn’t realize I’d managed to lay my foot flat atop the floor until that whispered praise rumbled from him. “Now, hold onto me as much as you need. One step at a time.” Before committing to that first hobbled jump, I felt my gaze pull back briefly.

“My pack.” I barely managed to breathe the apologetic words. He didn’t bother looking at it before answering.

“Wrecker will grab it on his way back.” He assured me with a certainty I couldn’t doubt. Still, I hesitated just a moment longer before finally hopping forward, freehand darting up to lock around the top lip of his chest plate to steady myself, body once more going rigid beneath the expectation of pain. He didn’t move; didn’t rush me to continue forward, and I knew I’d never find the words to thank him as that tremor grew so intense in those first few seconds of waiting for that delayed hurt to cripple me that I could barely breathe.

I remembered the depth of my terror back when the red emergency lighting distorted the crimson stains to black, when the scent of fuel saturated the air so profusely, each gasp left me sputtering and gagging. I remembered the jolt of a pain so consuming, it robbed the sight from my eyes and the sound from my ears. I remembered the fear of realizing I was alone – that my partner was dead, and I’d die at their side if I didn’t escape that deathtrap of twisted metal and flashing warning lights. I remembered how my stomach seized at the first touch of that split beneath my heel at the way my vision narrowed and darkened as I forced my hands to maneuver the ruined joint into some semblance of stability, bound beneath gauze and cloth and straps of anything I could find; and I remembered the endless nightmare of dragging myself through mounds of sharp rumble and burning debris. I remembered the very moment I finally realized there was grass beneath my gnarled hands; when I turned back to discover an inferno now danced through the ship in a horrid display of hellish shapes made all the more vivid in the pale light of that planet’s slivered moon.

“Still with me?” I didn’t look at him; unsure when my gaze had fallen to the pale floors. Eyes blinking harshly against the afterimage of those flames, I felt my chest seize with a sharp gasp and wondered vaguely how long I’d only managed those fluttered, shallow gasps.

“Damn it.” Defeated… the way that curse fell from numb lips and clenched teeth, it couldn’t sound like anything other than that self-deprecating hatred that flooded my eyes with tears and sent my heart twisting with shame.

“You can hold on to me, and I’ll carry you to the Marauder, or you can take a breath and try again.” There wasn’t a hint of judgement in those levelled words, and I felt myself still beneath them. If I told him that I couldn’t, that I simply wasn’t strong enough to fight free of the unrelenting horror of something that I’d only barely lived through… I knew he wouldn’t question it. He’d haul me across the length of the Separatist ship without quip or comment, and wouldn’t speak a word of it until I could breathe without suffocating beneath the ghosts of engine oil and iron and sick that only I could taste… But I revolted at the very thought of yielding to that fear. I pulled myself from that dying ship… I could get through this.

Jaw setting in an enraged determination, I forced myself to breathe, forced myself to recognize the scent of recycled air and dust and the subtle oil Hunter used to clean his gear. There was no smoke. No emergency lights flashing in the darkness. There was no pain. Gaze shifting toward the hallway stretching out before us, I moved my leg forward, focusing on the sensation of the very tip of my boot brushing atop the flooring to guide the limb safely down. Hunter moved smoothly beside me, hold just supportive enough to steady me as I found my own rhythm, weight tentatively shifting onto my heel as though to prove the joint would hold.

The next step was only slightly faster, stomach still churning against every gentle movement, but even that slowly quelled. Gradually, I found the quickness of my breath shifting from panic to simple exertion; found my mind able to hold onto thoughts deeper than constantly screaming at myself that I was fine; that I shouldn’t be feeling this terror anymore. And a new dread and shame began to creep over me. I had to tell him. I had to tell him everything, even if he turned away from me because of it.

“My ship was shot down.” I heard the words escape on some simile of my own voice, felt Hunter’s attention shift ever so slightly as he listened. “My partner died in the crash, and my ankle… It was held together by more bandages than anything. I could smell fuel – couldn’t breathe, the air was so thick with it. By the time I pulled myself out of it, the whole thing was on fire. Must have been a couple hours before the ones who shot me down finally found me.” I stopped walking. He didn’t press, watching in silence as I struggled to force out the words.

“It was Commander Wolffe.” I finally whispered, and I felt the confusion seep through him. Knowing the coming questions, I merely continued quietly instead of forcing him to ask. “We were on Agamar. As soon as a battle ended, my partner and I swept the fields for survivors – had a few contacts to sneak them back to Republic airspace.” He didn’t say anything for a long time, and that anxiety and dread solidified closer toward panic with each passing second.

“Why?” He asked, and I could hear the simple confusion in that single word. Air fleeing me in a rush before my chest jerked against a broken inhale, I barely wasted a moment’s thought before answering.

“Because I had to try. I knew I could save some of them, and the ones I couldn’t… I didn’t want them to die alone.” He was still a moment longer before starting forward once more, arm still firm around my back to push me with him, and I quickly fell back into that unsteady gait.

“So, a Separatist doctor of rehabilitation medicine decided to forsake their home world to help the Republic?” He clarified as we reached the edge of the area effected by the EMP, gleaming lights blessedly dimmed by my visor. I cringed at the label but didn’t try to argue. “How’d you wind up serving in the GAR? Why didn’t Commander Wolffe finish you off when he found you?” My memories of that night were distorted with pain and shock, only vaguely remembering the figures approaching me from the tree line; my fleeting attempts to explain myself.

“There was a Jedi with him,” I replied, “General Plo Koon. I don’t really know what I said to them, but he believed me. They got me off Agamar, and General Koon… I guess he had friends in high places – he made me a new identity as a citizen of Dantooine and brought me into the 104th as a medic once I was well enough to fight. I was with them for almost a year when Captain Rex had me transferred.” The escape pod hatch connected to the Marauder came into sight before he spoke again.

“I just need to know one more thing.” He said, pausing a single stride from that door. I turned to face him, loathing the impenetrable visor hiding those grey and gold streaked eyes from me. “Where do your loyalties lie? Really?” I felt myself stand just that much taller, blossoming under the relief that this was a question I could answer without a shadow of hesitation.

“I’m loyal to this squad… The Republic isn’t perfect, but I believe in what it’s trying to be.” I said, willing the words into existence with my every cell and breath. “I swear, Hunter, I’m loyal to Echo and Wrecker and Tech. I’m loyal to Crosshair… I’m loyal to you.” I felt the trill of panic sending static down my fingertips as I waited for whatever judgement he settled on, body nearly collapsing when he finally nodded.

“You’ll have to tell the others.” It was nearly an order as he reached forward to open the latch. “They deserve the truth.” My mouth went dry, but I couldn’t dismiss the relief I felt at those words. Whatever happened, at least I wouldn’t need to maintain this cover anymore – I wouldn’t need to keep this distance between us.

-

We’d just come out of that first stint of lightspeed travel, floating in the darkness of space as Tech prepared to enter the next hyperlane. I had to do it now, before I could talk myself into further delays until Hunter felt compelled to step in.

“I… I need to tell you all something – I…” I caught myself on the verge of hiding, chin falling toward my chest, eyes staring blindly at the metallic flooring, and forced myself to draw a sharp breath before meeting their eyes, forced myself not to shy away from the tension stealing through them as those gorgeous eyes I’d come to know and love turned to mine.

The perfect silence that surrounded my every word was both blessing and curse – if they’d interrupted even once, I don’t know if I would have had to strength to continue, but it also allowed nowhere for me to hide, voice trailing almost thoughtlessly from listless lips lest I lose myself in the panic of what telling them this could mean. That quiet lingered for too long after I finally finished.

Hunter stood passively beside me, granting his brothers what time they needed to gather their thoughts. Crosshair’s disinterest had gradually dissolved into a seething rage, arms dropping from where they’d been crossed over his chest to tense at his sides, fists tightly clenched. Echo’s gaze remained locked blindly on a monitor beside him, brows just drawn together in a haunting dance between hurt and anger. Wrecker – sweet Wrecker – listened with a careful focus, but what sadness touched those eyes seemed born only from worry, while Tech hadn’t been still for a full minute before letting his fingers dance atop his datapad as I spoke.

“There is something I don’t understand.” Hearing those words in Tech’s eloquent voice nearly ruined me, but I waited in silence for whatever distain or betrayal might proceed them, unable to hide the weariness from my eyes as I forced myself to meet his gaze – I owed them that much. “There’s no reference to any samaritan involvement during that mission, and your records don’t have any mention of an ankle injury.” I drew a slow breath before explaining.

“A Separatist squad was sent to check for survivors – for anyone they could take prisoner. If the 104th took them out, it would have revealed their position, but they couldn’t risk moving some of their men, so I went… I told the droids that I’d been shot down by a lone clone, but that he’d already died from injuries sustained during the battle – even showed them a body. I was able to convince them that there was no one else still alive and got them to transport me back for medical treatment. I was barely out of surgery when then 104th snuck me out – their general didn’t feel right leaving me there after what happened.” The careful emptiness of my voice was a testimony to my certainty that my fate was already sealed; that I continued speaking purely to grant them every shred of closure I could while still allowed the freedom to speak.

“The cybernetic is Separatist technology. It was General Koon’s idea to keep it out of official records – he figured it would be best to keep my origins secret if I wanted to keep helping the GAR.”

“So much for all that bantha osik about trust.” I’d been waiting for that distain; that anger so vainly layered overtop a hurt I felt just as viciously as he did, but, when Crosshair’s sneered words lingered in the silence between us, it still sent my heart writhing within my chest as tears clawed up my throat. When my gaze moved reluctantly to find him, he looked at me with such hatred, I couldn’t keep those tears from spilling down my cheeks, and he turned sharply away to vanish into the hall of the Marauder. Jaw ground against the way my breaths began to waver, I sat perfectly still, waiting for the others to take their turn.

“Where you ever going to tell us?” Echo… That sliver of control crumbled beneath the quiet betrayal in his softly spoken question, chin dropping to my chest, face contorting with a grief too consuming to fight back. Jaw wrenching open in a gasped sob, it felt like an eternity passed in those fleeting seconds I took to gather enough strength to answer him.

“I wanted to – Maker, everyday I wanted to… but I was so scared.” Knuckles gleaming from how tightly my figured burr into my knees, I just managed to glance up at him. “By the time I trusted you enough to feel like I could tell you… I… just the thought of-of losing…” My lips shifted around words I just couldn’t force into existence, eyes sliding shut as though I could hide from what might come next.

“But we trust Echo.” My shoulders sank at Wrecker’s innocent confusion. “We got him from the seppies. If you say you’re on our side, I don’t see why it matters which planet you were born on.” When I turned to see the honest confusion in those mismatched eyes; the concern pulling his brows into the beginnings of a frown, I hurt all the more for it – for the distance this might wedge between them if he couldn’t understand.

“I have already received a response from Commander Wolffe.” Tech chimed, and even his voice was heavy with the severity of the conversation. “He has confirmed what you’ve said.” I felt no relief from his words. It wasn’t a matter of if they believed me – all I cared about was if they could forgive me. He said nothing more for a long moment, but I could see his mind racing over everything I’d said. “I regret that you felt the need to hide this from us… but I understand your reasoning to do so.” He stated slowly, eyes carefully trained on mine. “I hope in the future, you won’t feel the need to keep such information secret.”

Like a string had been cut, the tension swept from my body in a sudden rush of shock, jaw going slack, eyes open wide as my shoulders slumped. I could feel my heart racing; felt the air staling in my lungs for fear that even the movement of releasing it might cause him to change his mind.

“Assuming you are comfortable remaining a part of this squad despite our now knowing this… secret.” He added, a sliver of doubt causing him to hesitate in the face of my response. My eyes darted first to Echo, then to Hunter and Wrecker. None of them offered any objection to his words. And I broke.

With a violent sob, I launched myself forward, arms darting around Tech’s neck as I finally let the epitome of my fear and guilt and desperate gratitude overwhelm me. He tensed, hands flaring open for the handful of seconds it took for him to understand what had happened, but I only hugged him harder and, touch hesitant at first, he let his hands just settle between my shoulder blades.

I didn’t need to look to know it was Hunter who moved next, reaching out to grasp my shoulder, then Echo’s hand swept gently up my neck. Emboldened slightly, Tech’s arms wrapped more firmly around me seconds before Wrecker lock us both in an embrace so tight, I felt the air rush from the pilot’s chest in a sharp huff and couldn’t help but find myself laughing silently amidst sobs of relief.

“Just give him some time – he’ll come back around.” I didn’t realize my gaze had wandered back toward the hall until Hunter’s gentle words murmured through the silence. Glancing briefly at him, I tried to let him see the breadth of my gratitude and love before turning back to hide myself against the reassurance of my squad’s embrace.

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