#which sucks bc i really need it to work correctly now

[callixton]

took 10 mg of my ex's ritalin in the hopes it would balance out my adhd and i'm having like. a real weird reaction to it. it is making me paranoid i don't have adhd but i think it is much more likely that my body just isn't sure how to deal with having a stimulant in it for the first time. i'm also not like. high in any way. i'm just sort of jittery and physically unable to settle. and i'm still having trouble focusing but not the way i usually do which i suspect might also be bc this isn't overriding how tired i am. i also can't stop talking when in a conversation

[stonedstargazer666]

Stoned Head cannon

So this is gonna be based kinda off of a couple of pictures I saved from twitter and here on good ole Tumblr, earlier this month. well my collection keeps getting larger...Anywho.. Yes, I am baked outta my gourd, this is just gonna be raw writing and I have sat long and hard about this. I'm sorry if I don't tag anything correctly. i'm zooted. Fem terms used. NSFW under photos. (DNI: If the thought of getting your BC messed with if your taking it orally messes with you. )

Ok so you're dating Vessel, right? You get along with the others really well. you bring out a side of them that Vessel rarely sees. Which is fine dandy and wonderful. If it weren't for the fact that the boys are seemingly testing the boundaries with you. Light touches that could easily be brushed off as accidental, brushing the hair out of your face with lingering touches.

Well Vessel sees you just brushing it off, you're confident enough to tell them to back off sure. Brushing their hand away, giving them a glare, or flipping them off with a laugh. You're absolutely loyal to Vessel, perfectly devoted the both of you would say. But gosh, if Vessel didn't want to absolutely claim you. Sure, you two have your fun regularly, but you were on the pill. He didn't know how to bring that up to you, on one hand he loved that you were stern about your health and just wasn't ready for kids.

BUT on the other hand, when you take your placebo week, you get emotional over videos of babies laughing and giggling till they can't breath. Vessel see's how you coo at your phone while laying in bed, earbud in or over ear headphones depending on the vibe you had. listening to the sweet shrieks of laughter, he listens to you talk to yourself how your friend's baby is so cute, when they post pictures. It was a monthly habit that drove him up the wall. Until he read about activated charcoal, and the dangers of it messing with oral birth control... Oh.. well this could be useful information. He better read up on that... ya know just in case....

(NSFW content ahead, continue if you dare)

Now that he has learned about the activated charcoal, he thought that would be perfect. He had been meaning to try out a different way of painting his body. You liked it when he wore the paint in the bedroom, who was he to deny his sweet little dove? On stage it was the normal body paint, but lately in the bedroom...the texture of the paint felt different on your tongue....or...or did it always feel that grainy? You vocalize your concern in a needy whimpering voice, feeling your own hot breath bounce off of his neck. Tongue halfway pressed against the pulse point of his throat.

Vessel rumbles a deep throaty laugh, assuring you that yes it has. for the last month It had. Vessel would hide and put the water activated charcoal on his throat, fingers, hands, chest. ALL of your favorite places to lick, suck on, worship. Mentally Vessel reveled in the fact that he was messing with your birth control. You would be a wonderful mum, and the boys...oh the boys would know who you belonged to. two birds one stone really. But you didn't know this, you didn't need to know that little fact. HE prayed and thanked God that nothing had changed over the past month, nothing that would arise suspicion of what he was doing... The sound of you greedily choking and trying to swallow around his fingers brings him out of his thoughts. He takes a moment to take in the pretty sight. you on the bed, ass up, face down cause you're a good girl yeah? Yeah ,you are, tilting your head to the side. your tongue lavishing his long fingers.

He coos at how pretty you are. A pure work of art, taking his fingers into your mouth so willingly, while also taking him so perfectly into your drooling sex. Vessels eyes zero in on your convulsing throat, moaning audibly feeling you successfully swallow around his fingers without choking or gagging. Oh such a good girl you are, He praises. As you swallow the charcoal, bringing you one step closer to being claimed and owned by him inside and out. With that thought in mind. Vessel pulls his fingers out of your throat. Reaching around to wipe them right over your womb, the striking black pops against your pink warm skin. Almost like a promise, Vessel flips you over onto your back. slowly...so deliciously slowly does he show you what his new healed piercing is capable of. Oh now you really feel it, and you clench hard. Vessel watches the moment you succumb to his slow deep ministrations. He takes a quick moment to make a mental note to thank IVy for the suggestion. Who knew that a Jacobs ladder would be just utter heaven. Vessels thrusts start getting sloppy, and rougher. his hands gripping the fat of hips with a bruising force. His hips stutter as you beg so prettily through tears and desperate moans for him to come inside.

Oh how you sang little dove, your voice cracking as you scream his name. BEgging him to come, your voice is delirious. It's pure unadulterated music to his ears, He slams into you one more time, rutting into your poor bullied cunny, grinding against your swollen nub just right. Your climax hits, your back arching off the bed as you hopelessly grind and roll your hips. Vessel soaks in the sight of the pure pleasure on your face, as he grinds deeper. Seeing a faint bump in your pretty tummy, just underneath the black streaks he left there earlier...

He cums hard, and so much. Poor man, must have been so pent up... but Gods does feel so fucking good to feel his release overflowing, and dripping. But you still whimpered softly about feeling so full Vessel stared at the marking he left, it looked ever so slightly rounder. He wonders if he could maybe talk you into getting it tattooed. Just for him. He slowly pulls out, whispering praises, telling you what a perfect girl you are, gently rubbing your sides. Waiting for you to come down from wherever you floated off too during your climax. Once your breathing evened out to his liking, he got up. Disappearing, just to come back with a soft warm wet wash cloth. Gently cleaning you up, taking a quick picture of the marks. For later reference of course. Then wiping them away, reverently. After cleaning you both, he throws on black sweat pants. Then lovingly wraps you in your favorite soft blanket. The soft sigh you let out lets him know your relaxing, and are comfortable. He picks you up, cradling you close to his warm chest. Walking out to the common area to sit with you in his lap. Showing the other three, that he was the only one that held your heart.

And wouldn't you know it? three weeks later, you tell Vessel that you've been feeling quite strange... Like a weird stomach bug, cause you've been so nauseous lately.... But don't worry, Vessel assures you, you'll start feeling better soon. Just let him take care of you...

[dansconcepts]

A Perfect Storm (HoO Drabble)

I love Percy and Annabeth, but something about Percy and Jason piqued my interest (aka I got sucked into reading fics of them and turned out to ship it and only even considered it bc of their dynamic in the books). This is for that.

It is raining. A small plop hits his glasses and he looks up. He feels a surge strengthening his grin as he urges the air to pick up ever so slightly, so the gray clouds can fully cover the expanse of the sky at Camp Half-Blood. It strains him a little, but it’s not like the adrenaline-filled provocation spurred from being chased. Just like then, the burden isn’t his alone. Blue eyes make their way to black hair, whose voice bubbles out mirth. They stretch their arms out toward the clouds. His tongue is outstretched and droplets of water stain his tongue and dampen his hair. It could be washed away, both of them knew, but neither had a reason to, because having the water drop around them was exactly what they needed.

︶⊹︶︶⛈︶︶⊹︶

Jason eyed down his opponent- a friend, of course, but was then his opponent- and witnessed the rolling and stretching of lean muscles before they sprawled themselves like a starfish on the ground, sword clanking on the ground next to him. There was a telltale smirk on his face and Jason couldn’t help but call out, “Does that mean I win? I’m still stand-” 

He hit the ground with a resounding thump. His laugh came easily.

“Perce.” He groaned, and yet he couldn’t seem to stop smiling. 

“What?” Percy grinned back and Jason wanted to wipe it off his face. “Since we’re both on the ground, guess there’s really no official winner, huh?”  

“I was the one who knocked you down first!”

“If you’ll remember correctly, I wanted to be on the ground, not because I was tired. And now I have you here to chill with me.” 

Internally, Jason knew that both just started in their fight and neither were tired or even really got going. He knew Percy only challenged him to a fight because it seemed to be the only way they could see each other lately. Amidst having to take care of other campers, fun yet threatening camp activities, and enjoying the downtime that was not dealing with a quest (for once), they settled into their respective friend groups with the only thing bringing them together was the need to exercise their strength.

It satiated him, somewhat, this dance of swords between them, but something in him urged for more during their fights. 

He remembered the sheer power it took him and Percy to create an amazing storm. The air and the water convulged to work together under their pure strength. Even though it was tiring and exhausting afterwards, the thrill of it was something he felt hammered through him in times where he wished he could go all out again.

“Do you think-” He turned to Percy, who he realized was already facing him, and he wondered if those sea green eyes were staring at him the whole time. He felt himself gulp at the thought. “-we could try something?”

Percy blinked. He seemed to study his face, before his lips pulled upward at finding whatever it was looking for. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking we could try using our powers together again. There was something about that time, going all out, that I want to go back to when we aren’t fighting for our lives. I think it’d be fun.”

There’s a moment of silence. Percy’s face seemed to tinge darker, as if getting sunburnt (which was impossible), and his hand seemed to unconsciously reach for rubbing his neck. “Oh.”

Jason raised an eyebrow at this very odd response. The only reason Percy would act like this was because he was embarrassed. He smirked. “What did you think I was going to say?”

“I don’t know.” Percy immediately spat out.

“Your idea seems really cool. It’d be awesome to combine our powers again.” 

Percy got up suddenly, and looked down at Jason earnestly. “Dude, I need this. We gotta make this happen.”

Jason couldn’t help feeling pleased about his behaviour. The moment they agreed on something always felt monumental to him.

He took the other boy’s outstretched hand. “Great. Let’s make a storm.” 

[charmedreincarnation]

hii maya!!! i have a success story and im so excited bc this is my first manifestation success story.

for context for everyone else, i was getting bullied at my workplace. my boss hated me and would mock me in front of people and my coworkers disliked me and disincluded me from things and talked behind my back. It was so bad and i was searching for another job instead even though this was so close to my house, the pay was good, the actual work was easy. etc. I told maya abt this and she was such an angel and would let me vent to her and gave me a lot of advice about manifesting.

I wish I could say that I took her advice and changed my life but I honestly struggled a lot. I rmbr crying every single night before going to work and constantly just dreading being there or the thought of having to be there.

But everytime I vented, maya would always tell me to just affirm while listening to theta waves as I was going to sleep so I tried to atleast do that. In hindsight this was a really big thing. I was recently looking into SATS and reading posts about how important what you do before sleeping is because you are super suggestible. I think crying every night made me keep manifesting that my job sucked and stuff whereas affirming that it was great helped to start changing that.

I also tried to ignore the bullying and just act like I was being treated correctly. Like one time my boss said that she wished she had hired someone else and before I would have said nothing and just gone home and cried but instead I just laughed, taking it as a joke, and said that I'll make sure to work hard so that she can be proud of hiring me.

Slowly over the course of 2 weeks things started to change. We got 2 new people added into the team and one of them sits next to me and is my friend and I talk to him a lot. My boss and coworkers are okay with me now, like we have nice small talks and I haven't been undermined in a while. I made an error and before it would have become a big issue and while I did get scolded slightly, it was more of a "be more careful when doing this" versus what I usually got which was "you are so stupid, why are you like this." I also made a lot of other friends at work and work is pretty fun! I look forward to going to work sometimes (not all the time bc I'd rather just be at home in bed) but yeah it has changed so much and I'm much happier.

i just want to thank you so much maya. you are such an angel and i genuinely appreciate you so much. i can't wait to come back to you with a void success story!!

I am beyond proud of you! Your Success is proof that you overcame everything and persevered. But I actually want to point out your reaction to your boss, and encourage everyone to follow suit. You quite literally laughed at the 3D which is what I would do metaphorically but I mean physically probably works better lol.

Regardless I’m happy for everything you’ve accepted as yours. I’m also glad this is only encouraging you to want to go farther and achieve your entire dream life, not just a good one you can tolerate. When I reached this stage I remember I had a thought like “well maybe I should just accept this” “or it’s not that bad now I guess so do I really need to continue or can I chill” and if you have to ask yourself that the answer is no and you know you deserve it all at the highest degree.

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

so this here is auggie: semi finalized!!! halliwell's... probably? not going to be his last name but i had no clue what surname to give him so its acting as a stand in aaa

so this is the blorbo. the new bsd oc i have been working on. from the fanfic i am Struggling with. same guy from the Art a while ago. august (i like the month okay) whatever last name i decide on at a later date.

notes!

his ability is called lucy locket! i actually came up with the ability's function first, and then i found that it fit pretty well. basically its a pocket dimension accessed via the users pockets. so far it has infinite storage, but whatever is added or removed at the present moment has to have been able to fit in the pocket originally. so you cant add/remove a large waterbottle from tiny jean pockets, for example. i like to think it only works when august himself pulls something out or puts something in. so. yknow. "not a penny was there in it, only ribbon round it". hehe

hes 25 because as much as a harp on bsd i also suck with ages so i rng-ed a number between 21 and 27 chcbdj

his birthday is june 21st! stole that from james orchard halliwell (see where that came from now) phillipps, bc he was the first to record the nursery rhyme. i also think him being born on the summer solstice in june but being named august is soo funny.

forgot to add it in correctly but his height is 5'8! that's about 173 cm? i think? i rounded it up technically its only like. 172.72?

168??? pounds??? which is apparently like 76kg? look i have no clue how weights work either i just took my own weight looked up the average for an adult and made something up. dont expect it to make sense.

bloodtype is a! i thought it was weird that the blood types were mentioned at all in the character bios but then i remembered the whole stereotype thing so i just picked whatever i thought fit.

he likes goldfish (hence the socks and earrings), rice (its rice), and hats (because they are so neat)! i was thinking about funny sock patterns and then i was looking at the wiki page for catherine maria fischer (the supposed kitty fisher in the nursery rhyme) and one of her paintings had a fishbowl in it. and then i thought about yoimiya because i had been drawing her before and. yknow. he definitely does has a small hat collection, but he'd rather them not be damaged at work. theyre saved for parties and formal gatherings!

dislikes are long explanations, pollen (allergy 😔), and unpleasant textures (like bedsheets that give you the Feeling when you scratch them). he likes it when people get to the point, and im projecting my own sensory issues onto him hxjsj

moving on we have design notes!

so here's our boy.

starting with the shirt, its actually based on one of the shirts i own. it's got the solid torso and the loose sheer sleeves, and i thought that was neat! though for him i think the sleeves would be a bit more opaque, and he's wearing a vest!

as for the tie you can see i noted that it's a bit of a cross between a criss cross tie and like... a sailor tie? i know it says bolo but thats because the word i was looking for was Tie Brooch for the pendant in the middle.

the cargo shorts!!! so obviously to best use his ability august needs something with rather large pockets, but i didn't know how to add those in. initially i wanted to go with some tights or normal slacks and have him wear a hoodie, but it was kind of... eh? so i tried cargo pants but those didn't work either. so then i tried on shorts and i Realized what needed to be done fhdjjws

knee high socks! i asked what how silly we should get with them and eni said knee highs and nobody said ankle with silly patterns so i combined the two! i think the combination is really funny.

the shoes! theyre just sneakers. comfy!

moving on

i dont actually like this doodle but we're gonna have to bear with it augu

the earrings! theyre little fishies! initially i had different earrings planned but i wanted the fish socks to match with something hdhdhdh

hair tie! august has got the rest of his hair tied up with a little bow. i think its cute bfbdbd

and so you can see what i meant, here's the page of concepts i did!

you can see the cargo pants, the hoodie, as well as the old earring design. i was playing around with the sleeves for a while xhdhhs

plus i got silly with one so maybe ill do smth with that at some point idk idk

[lurasposts]

adhd can be ignored (not really, actually) until you're forgetting some VERY important things. like completely erased it from your damn memory, like some incomplete camera frames. you can't be sure of anything.

it's like.. when faced with something even remotely "serious" or "formal" or public you just kind of let your body went on autopilot without realizing, while your mind either keep buzzing noisily OR some strange silence where you can't take in anything in front of you. or keep thinking about something unrelated to the "serious" thing that is currently happening in the present, which make you forget EVERYTHING. and then you looked back, messed up, and then everyone asking "how could you forget such important things? it was supposed to be obvious." and you wouldn't have a damn clue WHY

because– I don't know? i can't control this, either. what the hell am i supposed to do then? I'll keep messing up on things I'm SUPPOSED to be paying attention on, but i just? forget? and no one will get it and you just make a fool out of yourself.

it's like you were not yourself at that moment and looking back is like trying to press play on an old broken recording with blank scenes in the middle (in the most important part)

it's as if you were in an adrenaline rush or something where you need to FOCUS you told yourself to do everything correctly and normally, but that is exactly what makes you do the opposite. I'm trying to be calm when i was not calm, i tried to stop moving, but the price of it is that i lost in my head, to distract myself, or to stop, or try to "look" like i have it together, to look like i was listening, to look like i was paying attention. masking. but it just builds up in my head? and reality pulls me back out and that's when i cannot remember most of the things i just did during that "trance" and how the hell am i supposed to explain all of this to a normal person?

one of the most frustrating parts about this is that i can't really say anything about it, I'm suck at explain things, and people won't get it, which is fair, because i couldn't understand how "normal" people's brain work either. but this shit is running and ruining my life at the same time and i need to talk to somebody about this but I can't. they'd just dismissed it as nothing. that it isn't real. nothing is ever real. i look "too normal" to be in the spectrum, I'm an adult now, and the mask is slipping. it keeps slipping but no one believes you because you were "normal" as a kid. but who's to say to that? i was just trying to fit in, copying what people did, trying to look normal (which failed miserably since I only managed to look oddly repressed and impossibly restrained instead of actually fitting in), and on the other hand i also don't have proof that any of this is real. what if i just making things up? i know at this point that everything is real for me, but is something really happening of no one knows about it? the tree is not falling if nobody could hear or see it. i could go to a basic psychiatrist or therapist, but they don't get it. they don't connect the dots. they keep treating me like I'm a kid for some reason. it makes me wonder if it's me who can't think, or if it's them.

anyways i just. i have no idea what to do. this is beyond my control. this is an illness. I'm literally sick and i need meds in order to live like a normal person, like it's my life support. but they opposed the idea of psychiatrist bc "it made you addicted" and psychiatrist in this country really don't give a fuck, they strictly just give you meds and then bye. but what if i NEED 'em drugs like a freaking life support? to fix my screwed up nervous system or something in my brain or something. what if i was just wired differently which is very real and significantly makes life more difficult than normal people, and it was not unlike a disability albeit not physical. but no one can see it what is real and what's not? am i exaggerating? am i being overdramatic? am i old enough and i should just suck it up and get my life together?

but what if I'm just PHYSICALLY unable to? cuz sometimes i feel like i have no control over my own body. like my head, mouth, hands, and feet are separate entities and "I" just watch them all dragging my life downhill from the bylines, aware but not in control? (and sometimes not even aware of what i was doing until i get out of my head)

then what?

I'm so jealous of people who have access to be able to 'fix' or at least managed it. this shit gnaw on your damn soul.

[lilac-melody]

Hiii can I ask you something?

haha it's fine not to answer (don't wanna impose)

But I've been following you for a while and first, I wanna say you're amazing, you really helped me going through my last semester bc I got really obsesed with lipxlip, and most of the fics were written by you and I kinda read between 2 to 4 per day to lift my spirts which really helped me to just go and go (I just saw you everywhere and I loved it to the point of just going to your profile and started reading since the oldest fics to try to not lose any)

And I sometimes read in your profile that you're also strugling (sorry if I get some English words wrong, but I wanna be the most sincere with my words by not going to the translator now) and mann I got to really hate some of the clients at your place, people suck, but you're doing your best and that's something that should be acknologed (be noticed, be understanded, be recognized as a person and not as a simple servant to serve their needs, a person with interests and fears and you know... just going through the day just like they are, like god... it's free to be empathetic to others)

I saw one of your posts where you talk about someone requesting fics or something (sorry not remeber the exact situation) but I wanna say that it's beautyful your own ideas and alternative universes and wathever was written (or could have, I still think that even those words that didn't get to be written are beautiful bc you thought of them and I hope they made you happy and made have you have fun just as it makes me happy and excited to read whatever you share with us -> your readers)

I don't want you to feel obligated to write just bc someone requested that of you, it's an activity that makes you have fun (and I think it makes you feel a lot of other things but I'm not a writer, and I respect you for that, bc feeling what the characters feel and understanding is not an easy task to acomplish, especially bc I think you portray them really well)

And bc I don't want a misunderstanding, you're amazing for who you are (whoever you are) not just bc you made the days of a stranger in the internet by writing fabulous stories, but bc you're a great person and don't ever let anyone tell you the oposite.

And haha man (I use man as a in a neutral gender), I don't think I have enough words to express myself (in English or in my native tongue) but I hope some of it gets to you, even if it's only a little.

Andd... haha sorry if I exctended too much, bc I feel like my question is too short for all this words and I sure will feel aukward later (not good with feelings and expresing myself) but can I ask how did you get started/found with lipxlip? And also yuumori?

Again, sorry if this is a weird ask, not really sure how it works but I think they're usually shorter 😅? I guess I just needed an excuse to say you all this. Again I don't wanna impose, you don't have to answer, I just hope you're fine and healthy and continue to be

Saludos. 😄

Pss: Last stage was incredible, and your last fanfic of them was also great (you've made me take notice of the little things that I didn't pay attention to, like that they really had bruises at that first concert of the MV and gave me an answer at why they were crying at their special place and that I didn't even notice at first that was their special place at first, and made me realize by your fanfics how important and big of a deal it's to share your safe place, which later develops in the safe place of yours and also that person you shared it with)

OKAY . WOW . SO

Anon I just want to preface this by saying not a whole lot makes me teary- gut wrenching fics, shows, movies, etc...many of them don't do anything for me aside from get a laugh out of me, but this comment I had to reread twice to make sure I was reading it correctly. I was just gonna fuck around on the writing part of Tumblr for the lols and I was super caught off guard. So congrats to that, you definitely made me tear up from this. It's definitely one of the sweetest things someone's ever said to me. 🥹💜

Also, thank you so much for reading my fics! Some are just silly little ideas I jotted down for the lols, and other ideas rotted my brain. I'm definitely more proud of some rather than others, but I'm glad you enjoyed them all(?) nonetheless!

For me, writing is both a form of escapism and a fun hobby that I've had since I was a little kid~ you know, in elementary we had like 20 vocab words per week and we had to either write them down + their definitions and use them in a sentence, write them all down 5 times, or write a short story including 10 of those words. You can probably see which one I went with~ but anyway, yeah, writing is really fun for me.

If it ever gets too stressful or I end up hating it, I end up abandoning the work, yet usually I can't find it in me to delete it. Sometimes I end up hating the work (multichaps, usually) only after its done but then it grows in popularity so I just kinda go "well, fuck it and fuck me, I guess?" and keep it. Other times, I go "well, this ending could have been better..." and then think of other ways I could have written it...

As for how I got into lipxlip??? I saw the thumbnail for Yume Fanfare, clicked, and it altered the course of my life. I started learning Japanese solely because of lxl, my dude. After that, though, I watched their other videos and kinda floated around a bit, and then the movie got announced and bam. I was sucked into the world of Honeyworks and they still keep an iron clad grip on me to this day...

Yuumori is an uninspiring story, really...sometimes I get trailers for anime on yt and I just so happen to get a yuumori trailer. I waited until it began airing, watched it, waited for part 2, watched it, then left it...and recently, I was vibin with a friend online and we were exchanging anime ops, and I remembered yuumori's first op and I was like. Damn this shit slaps!!! And I rewatched the show...and then they had an iron clad grip on me. So...saw trailer, watched it as it aired, forgot about it, then came back to it solely because of the opening lmaooooo.

Anyway, I hope this answered everything..??? Again, though, thank you so much for your kind words~ it meant a lot !

[valfeathers]

hiiiiii i was catching up and saw the Soldedad drawing you posted a little while ago and 🥺 so so excited to have more magi scura lore if you're up for it !!

what are retainers, is the name from a power / object they'd have or a function ? would they hunt down Sol because of their use of magic, their potential crimes, or because of something linked to the scorch maybe ? are Cyril and Lucius retainers ? (based mostly on their "bad guy" status elknr but also because Cyril studies arcane magic... possibly scorch related ?)

reading back a little i realised Odette has the same markings on her hands as Agnis, is she also affected by the scorch ? what does it do ? Corvid is the only one wearing full gloves from what i can find, is he hiding scorched hands, did he die from it ?

if i could read correctly the letter is from Junipero, did he leave it somewhere only Sol would find because he trusts they're not dead ? does that mean he wasn't implicated in the incident and potential death cause, or is he on the run ? (is he ok ? u_u i hope so)

i'll stop now bc i could go on All Night XD you draw such stunning pieces and i feel so so many emotions each time, thank you so much once again for sharing your wonderful art !!!! take care <33

more questions!!!! yippee!!!! I listened to my sol & jun playlists the entire time i drafted these to really get the vibes i was after lol

i’m unapologetically using this post to dump some worldbuilding content and some redesigns for a couple of characters (cough cough odie) plus i get to share some june & sol tidbits which… i love them… i think of them always,, they are my pride and joy honestly 

as i wrote this i realised that i’ve barely touched on how the magic system works,, so as a brief preface for this post all you guys need to know is that

magic and magic use are extremely taboo in this world. the laws surrounding magic use are… extremely convoluted and ever-changing, but being an open magic user in this world is an experience, leading most magic users to go out of their way to hide away their abilities. 

 while it is most common for mages to be born with their powers,, people born powerless can strike a deal with one of the world’s gods to gain certain abilities. this is incredibly rare, though, as seen above, most people born without powers would really like to remain that way. only six known people in the main story have made one of these deals. Those who have succeeded in making these deals are known as ‘patrons’. 

oh! and it’s theorised in-universe that every mage is descended from a patron in one way or another. people have been making these deals for thousands of years so at this point, being born with or without magic is left entirely up to chance. how exactly this inheritance works is still heavily debated, and some of the more controversial scholars (ie cyril) dedicated years of research to figuring out the origins of magic, to little success. 

now onto the questions!! art + lore below <3

what are retainers?

retainers are essentially a large and elite group of soldiers in this story’s world, hailing from the nation’s capital. as the story progresses they gain more and more power and influence to the point where, at the point in the story when this piece would take place, they could be considered the main enforcers of the law. which… guys. they suck. needless to say they are the worst, and one of the main groups of antagonists. 

i specifically named this group “the retainers” because of the group’s almost pathological collective desire to keep possession of their own power and influence. opinions on these guys in-universe are… very different depending on who you ask. if you were to ask sol their opinion on the retainers their blood would boil on instinct. needless to say they aren’t a fan, and hell, i wouldn’t be either! 

would they hunt down sol because of their use of magic? their potential crimes?

both! they do NOT like sol!!! partly due to sol’s status as a social contrarian and open magic user, and partly because their continuous survival makes a complete mockery of the group’s authority. sol has been in trouble with the law since they were a young teen, although they didn’t get mixed up with the retainers until falling in with the corviday gang. regardless, by the climax of the story the retainers are desperate to finally capture them and put an end to the chase, but no such luck. believe me though, sol’s name is on file somewhere in the capital and their face is plastered onto many a town’s notice boards and lamp-posts. not to mention the massive bounty on their head, or the ‘wanted dead or alive’ disclaimer written in bold on each and every poster… they’ll be fine. totes. i could talk about bounty culture in this world forever but i’ll spare you for the moment!!

so, about sol’s magic… remember earlier i mentioned those patron guys? and how in the modern main timeline there are only six? …yeah, sol is one of them. to go on about sol’s godly sponsor would extend this post even further so all i’ll say is that (on brand) they managed to strike a deal with this world’s god of the sun & the hearth, which was a whole thing since their late family worshipped that god (something something ‘sol reconnecting to and embracing the past they tried to bury after returning to their chosen family and realising they don’t have to be alone anymore’) but i digress anyways!!!! (i love sol) (i think of them constantly) anyways!! though!!! 

at this point in the story magic is not technically illegal, but using any magic abilities to attack capital officials and retainers very much is. which… sol totally did that. they did that, with several witnesses, out of necessity mind you, but this already biased military only used the incident to further turn the public against them. 

are cyril and lucius retainers?

the short answer is no for cyril and (technically) yes for luci!!

cyril is an elite academic scholar who works closely with high ranking officials in the capital city, which means he comes into contact with the retainers’ commanding officers often. their jobs do not overlap much though, since cyril is moreso focused on well, academics as opposed to the more hands on tasks that the retainers are subject to. 

as a side note, you’re right about cyril having some connection to the scorch! he isn’t afflicted with it, don’t worry, he’s collaborating with the chief alchemist and the city’s doctors to investigate both a cause for the disease as well as possible treatments & cures. 

luci, however, is both a high-ranking city official and the adoptive son of the big bad™. So he has quite the influence over the officers, should he choose to use it. although technically a retainer on paper, he often is only assigned to smaller, covert missions, the mortality rate of which is honestly impressive. rumours abound when it comes to luci, some soldiers claim he posesses a rare and deadly kind of magic. 

odette & agnis’ hands?

funny story actually! odie’s hands have since been un-blackened and her ears un-lynxed. I decided against lynx people being a thing in this story i’m afraid,, nowadays her hands are just permanently stained with either charcoal or paint from her various projects! not scorched (good for her!!) (cyril nags her constantly about ‘just buying gloves! it isn’t that hard!’ but odie refuses to suffocate her hands like that.)

corvid, luckily, isn’t scorched either! he’s fighting fit, he dies from just… good old fashioned murder, poor guy :( 

as for agnis, though… i think it’s time i talked about the scorch a little bit. 

so the scorch is sort of a big long love letter to various bits of zombie media that i was obsessed with as a kid, coupled with the sharp teeth and bloodlust of vampires, with the treelike markings of a being that is intrinsically linked with nature itself. how? hmmm… we shall see. 

rumour has it that the scorch first originated centuries ago deep underground, miners accidentally disturbing a strange root system deep beneath the earth. it’s a disease that is highly unpredictable, capable of turning anybody into an unrecognisable and feral monster. 

the disease is spread through the bite of a turned scorched one, patients, after turning, are afflicted with the uncontrollable urge to attack and maul those unaffected. those who survive such attacks have about a one in ten chance of turning. some recover, albeit scarred, and others succumb later to the poisonous effects of the bite. unfortunately the third option is the most common.. as the years passed, the problem persisted until it reached the capital, then and only then did research begin in earnest. 

the disease normally spreads slowly, once again the speed of the disease’s progression once a person is turned seems to be, well, random. some lose all control in mere weeks, others, like agnis, get years.

the research on the condition is still in its early stages, although the retainers and their employers seem to be very interested in just how this ancient affliction works. that doesn’t bode well. 

junipero’s letter?

you read correctly, the letter is from him! you’ve hit the nail right on the head i fear,,, i couldn’t have said it better myself! They did leave the letter for sol to find,, and in the letter is a gentle reminder that junipero has faith in sol’s ability to not get themself killed, and reassurance that he isn’t worried. 

the incident that leads to sol’s Extra Wanted status happens pretty much right after they get their new powers, they are confronted by, well, the head retainer. their boss, if you will. his name is tempest. and a group of his men. he does this for reasons honestly unrelated to anything sol actually did, tempest has unfinished business and the person he is looking for, corvid, has been dead for like two years at that point. the encounter goes south quickly and sol escapes after injuring some of their attackers and lays low for a couple weeks. this whole encounter makes sol’s life quite a bit harder for a loooong while, considering they end up having to work with tempest’s wife later on but that’s another story for another day. at this point in the plot, doing what sol did is practically a death sentence, and if they weren’t in danger before they definitely are now. 

one thing i want to mention, though, is that june was sort of implicated in sol’s ‘cause of death’ since the retainer ambush & sol’s fake death are two different events, one of which (the fake death) happening before the story starts and the other (retainer attack) happening closer to the end of the story. 

the absolute shortest retelling of sol (& june’s) false death is that they (and also pandora) kind of destroyed a dam, caused a fair bit of damage in an attempt to flee a crime scene and the public, after hearing about that whole debacle, accepted that the two probably drowned together. needless to say the retainers get the shock of their lives when they get word that nope, sol still isn’t dead yet. this isn’t the last time they ‘die’ in this story either, but i’m getting way ahead of myself.and that story is how june winds up on the retainers’ radar, not for his work as a literal hitman, but for being in the area when pandora broke a dam. he didn’t even break the thing! he was just an accomplice. injustice, honestly.

speaking of june!! sol and june have been through a lot together, this isn’t their first brush with death, alarmingly enough. and although the two weren’t together when sol was confronted by the retainers, these two have experience escaping dangerous situations and he knows, in his bones, that sol is fine. that they have to be fine. sol returns to june (also the protags) shortly after the piece and they get to reunite again and all is well (briefly)! give them a break, i say, like i’m not the writer.

a final cliffhangy note is that… june is on the run, but not just from the retainers.

aand that’s it!!! the dystopian aspects of mgsc really jumped out this time,, i think it goes without saying this story can get DARK. thank you for the kind words at the end there, that my work evokes anything at all is all i could hope for hehe! i’m so glad people like sol & junipero,,, i love them so so much i can’t even find a proper english phrase to describe it.

[megacarapa]

new needlepoint - i want to live here so fucking bad

this is wiehler needlepoint 2317 "es klappert die mühle am rauschenden bach" (the mill rattles by the rushing brook), which i actually just now learned is named after a german children's song - its pretty cute!

i was gonna put the process pics at the end of the rant but then the rant ended up too long so here they are at the beginning, i also added the dates each picture was taken =)

this is my first wiehler needlepoint out of 5 i got from the mentors at the embroidery workshop (originally 4 but i got another one just this week), FOR FREE, which is crazy to think about since the kits for these things arent that cheap to buy, but they gave them to me bc they were just sitting around with no one planning to actually make them

needlepoint used to be more popular over here back in ye olden days and it even used to be taught in home ec class, so both my grandmas, mom and even DAD used to make them in school, which i never knew about bc by the time i was going to school home ec classes were long gone from the curriculum, which sucks because it would have been awesome to learn stuff like this as a kid

out of the 5 kits i got, this was the smallest so i decided to do it first, the rest of them get progressively bigger and bigger until the last one which is kind of mind bogglingly huge, will i really be able to finish all of these? im honestly not sure, but i dont mind the idea of having something to work on that could take me my whole life (or like, 5 years)

these needlepoints are also different from the ones ive done up til now cause instead of the picture being printed onto the cloth, here you get an empty cloth with only counting squares printed on it and you need to follow the pattern from a paper, which i already got practice for by working on that llama cross stitch and got used to with no problem

there was one thing though, this is the only kit out of the 5 that didnt actually have the standard cloth with the squares on it (there was also some string missing, so i think the thing is that someone else had already made this kit before and what i got was the leftovers), bc of that i simply bought some new needlepoint cloth and drew the squares on myself, which led to....

honey i shrunk the needlepoint, SO YOU SEE THE THING IS, i didnt check what the squares on the cloth i did get for the other kits actually looked like, i simply assumed the squares would be normal 10x10 squares like in the picture, so thats what i drew by hand, but theyre actually supposed to be 20x20, and youre supposed to do a specific stitch called gobelin stitch where 2x2 of space is considered 1 stitch, idk if im explaining any of this well but basically if i had known this and done it correctly the finished work would have been pretty much the same size as the pattern on the picture

i know all of this now and the next needlepoint ive started since then will be the correct size, but either way i think the tiny one has its own charm and looks great anyway, its adorable!! im kind of obsessed with it, the green frame also looks great and ahh i just love it sm😭

heres the back

and size comparison with my previous ones

its a little bebe needlepoint🥺

it keeps happening that at the very end when these have finally been framed, i always notice one or two squares which i forgot to fill in, but i dont really mind it, and its fun asking people to try and find them🤣 (but dont bother trying to find them yourself bc they cant really be seen in these pictures)

i also accidentally swapped the two shades of green for the tree but the shades are so similar you literally cant see it, and i also ran out of the darkest blue shade and had to buy a new one, but couldnt find one that was similar enough, so you can actually see on most of the pics that the dark blue part to the left of the tree is a darker shade than on the right, but again, who cares, i just like jotting down as much of the process as i can remember in these posts🤣

thanks for reading!!

[b-blushes]

okay this is gonna be the last time i talk about it bc of the aforementioned shame but. when i think about this stuff and realise only when writing it out 'hey bud, that's a wild thing to say and believe about yourself. sucks that you're doing that!' which is yet another judgemental thing about thinking unfair judgemental things i'm reminded of conversations like recently someone (with similar health stuff) said to me that they don't know what they'd do if that (my health conditions to the degree that they are/being disabled in my early twenties) happened to them at my age and it's hard not to hear that as 'one of the most painful and shameful things has happened to us. our lives look so much different and mostly worse than we imagined them as kids, and we should do everything we can to not be like this' rather than how they probably intended it as 'i, as someone twice your age, struggle with the difficulties we have in common, and admire how you handle them at your own age'. And how confusing that conversation (mostly navigating and correctly interpreting the subtext of it, which can change to have completely opposite meanings each of the many many times you have it) is. Honestly as backwards as it sounds i often feel so ashamed to feel 'deserving' of the idea that someone could mean the first version about me. It feels like, idk, an indulgent thing to entertain, given all the good things i know i have, and gross to even consider that there are things that i could struggle with, feel hopeless about, it feels like I should only ever be allowed to take things like that ("i can't imagine what i'd do if that happened to me!") as a compliment! I don't really know how that makes sense! I think that's the shameful bit, to feel deserving of calling myself disabled! Does everyone feel like that? How can someone feel guilty about something that's broadly viewed as bad, except by us when we're reclaiming our existence as a neutral an existence as any other person, or unless we're doing really well for trying to not be hopeless, miserable, and ashamed about the dire life we've found ourselves in (or worse still brought upon ourselves somehow), like does that logic even work? I guess it's the fear of faking it and being somehow 'found out', and the fear that you can somehow be making it up and exaggerating at the same time as your every day reality being pitiful and worthy of shame?

It's hard to balance! I'm constantly finding it difficult! Sometimes I can go outside and do the things that I *am* able to do and other times it's hard to persuade myself i even 'deserve' to leave the house (or a million other things *within* my house, even out of sight of anyone except myself). The confusion about how ashamed i 'should' be is like hands around my throat. The shame is somehow both the most embarrassing thing I could feel (how could I dare to feel so bad about myself and feel that I shouldn't be seen when I have so much and am so fortunate?) and the most justified (how could anyone bare to see what i've become, what i am.). I'm always making a big deal out of nothing, or desperately trying to have the Real Something witnessed and validated, and it's both about the same thing. Even now, it feels like feeling this way is a sign of my own moral failing, and a sign that I'm bad. It is a feeling uniquely about myself, and I've got to believe that that's not true, but it is hard! I'm constantly telling myself it's not that deep, you're reading cruelty into a neutral thing and making up your own difficulties, but surely I'm not making it all up? Anyway. I'm sure all of these things are true sometimes. Sometimes I must be blowing things out of proportion and need to get a grip and some perspective. Other times I feel like it really does suck and i'm justified in feeling all types of bad for a little while, just until the waves die down again (as justified as anyone is about feeling anything! i don't know!). It's hard to think of a situation where ranking struggles and discarding anyone who doesn't have it The Worst benefits anyone. Me feeling so ashamed of all of this, and then about my confusion about all of this, probably doesn't do any good for anything. I guess I will just continue to try to hold all the seemingly contradictory things in my hands at once and try to be as kind as possible.

I am torn between 'yo that's too personal and messed up to share online' and 'the whole crux of this is me personally being ashamed to exist as I am at times, feeling ashamed of *that*, and hiding those things just reinforces them, so.' It's also probably not just me who feels this way (and feels strangled by it) so. handshake if you do too

[yaomomvs]

— BEING INARIZAKI’S TEAM MANAGER AND A SECRET VOLLEYBALL PLAYER

inarizaki x f!manager

this is part of a hcs series, let me now what team you want next <3

okay so actually you ended being the manager because the girls volleyball team had already closed the application time

so you you were really looking forward to it and omg you were so sad about it

after being rejected, you were just peacefully going through the gym and you heard laughter from a bunch of guys

you recognized kosaku since he was in your class and waved at him.

and so, they were talking about getting a manager since this team is pretty much a lot to handle

and so since kosaku knew you were hard working and that the first idea that popped out oh his head was that if you wanted to try out.

kita respectfully introduced himself and asked if you were willingly try out 🥺🥺🥺 like what a man 🥺🥺

and mostly because the twins having fangirls always made this process kind of difficult, so instead kita and aran wanted to make sure it was someone who at least was trusted by one of them

and not to brag but bestie you are gorgeous

so it was a win win

atsumu refused to this because as the jerk he usually is, he said that he didn’t need any help

that son of a bitch

he was being soooo petty mainly after you said “oh don’t worry kita, idiots are not my type”

osamu fell in love with you ❗️

and aran

and suna

and well the team.

and so, looking at the other court where the girl vbc was training you said that it was something.

every! single! practice! is! chaotic!

but somehow you managed them so well

atsumu is still trying to prove that he doesn’t but oh boy he is the first one to requiere your help

you better believe this guys are your simps and are constantly competing over someone who a year ago could never imagine they had

your attention? the best way to prove each other they were superior

in away games, god bless the idiot that wants to even dares to try to do a move on you

they are lowkey intimidating

not but seriously

specially and surprisingly kita and aran

son como esos niños mamones fresas que de cierto modo les tienes miedo

besides

this team? over the moon for you

and tbh, they were so grateful for you, you did a lot for them that they started to feel some kind of embarrassing how before they wouldn’t know how to do basic stuff like cooking for camps, labeling they jerseys correctly, searching for new equipment like they love you

anyways that however was kinda sus to them

it all started when somehow you learned so quickly, and the technical stuff was not hard to understand as to others

surprisingly the first one to notice was suna

you could have said something but tbh

you still look forward to play volleyball like more seriously even as a hobby

BUT

BUT

you’d rather be dead than telling your team that’s what you wanted because

a) they could think you only joined to learn volleyball and not help them

b) you had your pride, you want to be recognized by your own merits rather than “of course, they are inarizaki’s manager if they weren’t they could have never been this good”

so you still played volleyball but hid from them

there was a gym nearby where constant tournaments were held

you were a ghost because knowing damn well your boys could go there at any moment you decided to take some precautions

like nickname and position was everything they knew about you

your teammates loved you, so they respected your private life, and it was kind of cool

but what you were not expecting is that for some reason, omimi had followed you one day bc you forgot something after practice.

being a friday it meant for some weird reason you always rushed out

“sus” suna says everytime

so he catches you going out to the gym and maybe, he thought, you were just going to workout or see someone

BUT THIS GUYS EYEBALLS ALMOST FALL WHEN HE SEES TOY RUSH AND TAKE OFF YOUR SCHOOL UNIFORM SHIRT AND TIE TO FUCKING REVEAL A JERSEY WUTH A #3 on it

bye you broke him

and so he tries to process it normally

key word: tries

and here we are him being interrogated by the team incredulous to his words.

ay first they interrogated him being overprotective by the fact that he was spending more time with you but when he tells them what he saw god dammit

they loose it when they find out.

and so, tsumu says something that everyone agrees with him for the first time

“let’s go and spy”

“i swear to god if y/n finds out...”

“shut up aran, unless you want to make it obvious and reveal our identity dumbass!”

“tsumu, the disguises are awful”

“come on kita not you too!”

“what if”

“akagi shut up all of you agreed with the idea”

“osamu you suck”

and so there they go. trying to find you in the sea of people at the entrance, not having a clear view yet, they only search for the navy blue and white uniform that omimi described to them when he saw you.

and then almost as if it was the gods plan, they started hearing whispers of people around mentioning the arrival of one of the most popular teams out there.

“come on what the big deal-” suna started saying, however your figure appeared and he instantly turned into a babbling mess.

as well as the rest of inarizaki vbc.

osamu had to double check to assure himself that it indeed was you, beautiful as ever, walking alongside your hot and apparently talented team.

minutes later, they were standing in the bleachers as quiet as they could. they spotted you.

“A SETTER” atsumu jumped of his seat and had to be scolded by aran who was also surprised by the position you were going to be playing.

“wasn’t expecting that” ginjima talks saying what everyone was currently thinking.

behind them was a couple of guys, who apparently did not know how lower their comments.

“the setter is kinda cute” “wow look at that” oml please even aran who was the voice of reason had the urge to punch them in the face.

still they decided to just focus on your game who has now been started. and even tho they wanted to not do it, they couldn’t help analyzing you and your moves in the court. it was natural, well because they were players and very good ones it’s inevitable for them to compare and to study the way you played more than anything.

they were not expecting you to be this good. almost everything in your technique was polished, your tema work was remarkable and god bless your ability to read the blockers.

but there was a moment when they just saw the panoramic view of your skills. atsumu could see your tired expression, the sweat on your body, he just knew you were feeling now the adrenaline of the last moments of the set.

still you yelled a “we will take it” and then, with the others team hope hanging on a thread, the ball came to your libero, which perfectly passed the ball to you.

there was greed in your eyes, so scary that kita for a moment feared for the other team.

and it was when you did the setter dump that your whole team stood up in pure shock.

who were you and why were you hiding?

sadly the boys screamed way too loud which lead to you, after you made the last point and give the history to your tema, lifted up your gaze and saw a bunch of idiots wearing hats and everything in between.

suna and tsumu ran the fastest in the team directly to the gate, and the with a bunch of losers behind them,

because after everything you were there arms crossed and a murderous look in your eyes.

“IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE Y/N” “osamu shut up!”

they, once you made sure to pinch each and everyone’s ears, starred bombarding questions on how did you managed to learned that and why you did ikr tell them

“come on guys, in school i’m already looked down at just because it’s you! so could you imagine me being a inarizaki student trying to move without your name?”

kita forced them to shut up and aran felt a a kind of guilt

as week as everyone else

“don’t worry y/n, we know now what it’s like to not being your own author.”

and so, they just told you how proud they were.

“maybe we are jerks but y/n we are your jerks, and over there or respect to you has just grown up”

suna the says “you’ve been there all of the time for a while now, i guess it out time to return the favor”

and so ever since then they alwaaaaays try to be at your games

like pls once the referee said one of your serves was out and from the bleachers he screaaaaaaamed, he claims that it was definitely in

kita always gives you some food after a game or practice

talking about practice

even if you are there for being a manager they always try to, at least half an hour before ending practice, they have a quick game with you playing alongside them or just including you in their repeats etc

and goooood bless once again anyone who tried to look down at you.

because after being constantly on you games ofc people started recognizing them as the inarizaki power house

if they heard someone relying your talent on them pls make sure they five them the coldest look ever

like ‘nah bro i dare you to say that one more time’

*knive eyes*

and

even some girls attend your games trying to flirt with them

you know what they do?

they brush them off and say “sorry, my type is y/n” suna says and the are 😳

pretty much everyone does this

come on even aran

inarizaki best boys 🥺🥺🥺

[mediocrebiscuit]

You know what annoys me? (My general lack of ability to articulate myself, and getting distracted by my own thoughts, tbh. Anywaaaay)

The way people crap on about Elain not looking good in Black — bc leather armour clad, fashion guru Cassians thinks so. 🙄

Personally, I read the scene with the dress and stuff as intentional. Nesta needed to “stand out” I believe Mor comments something to the effect of Eris likes his women flashy or something?? They also chose to stick Nesta in something significantly more revealing than she’s accustomed to, to help facilitate this (again, if I recall correctly, Nesta actually requested something modest??)

Now, we all know that Elain is observant af. I just assumed Elain overheard or the information was repeated in her presence or something, and she dressed (how she perceived to be) accordingly for the situation. I’ve even thought that perhaps even Mor approached her, informed her of the situation and suggested it. (Idk tho, that was just a little idea I had regarding it, bc I can’t actually imagine Morrigan or Feyre letting Elain leave the house looking “plain”. That’s actually mean girl behaviour, and I just don’t picture them not saying something unless it was intentional, ya know? 🧐)

Furthermore. Nesta (aside from leathers) rarely wears black? Mor never wears black in or outside of the Hewn city, Amren also never wears black?? Mor and Amren are second and third in command and Mor is the overseer of the HC and Rhys cousin, and yet..no black. So, I fail to see how a colour should dictate where someone belongs. 🧐

Black universally suits everyone. It’s a staple colour in every wardrobe and cupboard world wide. So, I do kinda struggle to suspend my disbelief that it’s the colour “sucking the life” out of Elain, as opposed to the viscous cruelty of the hewn city — that everyone should frankly be upset by (let’s not forget that Amarantha moulded UTM after the court of nightmares. And it was a poor imitation according to Rhys..And that Elain no doubt saw and heard people being tortured in the Hybern camp after her abduction, so CoN antics are no doubt particularly upsetting and triggering) and being swallowed by a frumpy dress. 🤷🏼‍♀️

What I’d personally like to see, is a return to the CoN (which we will no doubt get, bc what’s an Acotar book without going to the CoN and dressing up all extra hot and sexy? 😂) and Elain looking absolutely stunning in black, “devastatingly beautiful” and rendering everyone speechless. I’m talking eyes bugging and Jaws dropping. I want people breaking out in a sweat at the sight of her. I want breathing to become laboured and chests to hammer. I want blushes and parted lips. I want simping. Perhaps she maybe is even showing some skin? 👀

Idk, i was even thinking her wearing a dress made out of “void” and threaded with “hope” or something would be amazing and be a nice throw back to her and Feyre shopping for solstice. (And, like, a call back to how Elain was feeling after being made Fae, and how she’s been quietly working through her trauma and has hopes and dreams again. Life again.) With little embroidered flowers (maybe even some little itty bitty stars and moons and tiny silvery flames mixed in) made of the glistening “hope” threads. I just think that would be really quite lovely. 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

(The black dress gif search, also yielded a few shades of tumblr gif..I haven’t seen since porn was banned lmao 😂)

[sixthwater]

why is it whenever i try to read for myself, the cards come out not even "tough love" but straight up mean or just... completely out of left field, like, advice that may be good but i can't really do anything with at that moment.

Hi there, I have to use a lot of personal experience to answer this, but I'll link a lot of references/resources that you can follow up with that might help you beyond that. Besides that, there can be a few reasons as to why you're getting these results (read more because apparently I talk too much yay):

1. Current mood/energy

This will not only affect the cards that come out, but how you're going to process the meaning of it, and if it's actually helpful. If someone is sucked up into a negative mindset, and they can't see anything positive in the future, then it's probably going to be harder for 'better' cards to come out. Because, in a way, they're assuming tomorrow is going to be bad so they're going to wake up and already establish that the day is terrible, so yeah the day is going to be bad and the cards are going to reflect that because they're not open to anything else, if that makes sense. Now let's say you are able to get accurate cards that aren't affected by your current emotions. Like you're asking about a promotion and you get uuuhh 7 of Swords, Ace of Pentacles, and Strength. If you're already anxious over it, you're going to see this as a bad thing if you're glazing over it right. Like someone stealing the promotion from you and to stay strong bc you'll get another opportunity somewhere, however someone else might read this as your employer has you secured for the position but no one else knows it so it has to stay secret, and just hang in there for a bit before you can be promoted. Another reason why, while the meaning of the card itself is important, intuition and feelings are also very important. This is also why you're constantly encouraged to be relaxed and in a neutral state of mind when doing readings or selecting piles because being overly unrealistic or depressive can influence the reading

2. The question you're asking

Honestly, if you're someone that is constantly in contact with your guides or rolls with the 'decks have personalities' thing, your questioning can bring out abrasive or soft answers lmao. If you are constantly asking the general same question, then they're going to start getting a little bothered because it sends the message that you want the answers without the work and that you don't necessarily trust them, and it's a sign of obsession. So if you're getting The Devil card consistently, then pull back a little and let go. You sort of have to get to know your guides, which I'll link a video down below to help with that. (I'm not too spiritual myself, I'm much more cerebral which ~apparently I need to change~ but some of my guides are super strong so good for them, and they're insanely protective, so very lucky). Then there's the issue of decks. If you do believe they have different personalities, then it's important to do a deck interview. I didn't fall into that category before, until I noticed one of my decks was much more intense than another one, and it didn't like certain questions I asked lmao. I usually go to that one for more straight honest answers, another deck for love related questions, one for career etcetc. Then, in general, sometimes your guides just Don't want to answer a question, but. . .

3. How guides communicate

I'm a very strong believer that our guides always hand us the correct cards, but we need to be able to decipher them correctly lmao. also why it's important to figure out which cards to take when you get a Bunch of jumpers. So is the message actually mean and heartless or have you just not been able to decipher it correctly yet? They tend to like not giving us the direct answer (for valid reasons) so that we learn and appreciate feeling much better at the end of the day. Very recent personal example: I have been feeling very stuck, and very frustrated. So I checked to see if there is anything I'm supposed to be learning within myself or what's up or like....explain lmao. My cards? 'Make a fucking move' 'Cut the cord, make the change. What are you doing??????', which, as a disabled person in a very tight spot currently, was very annoying lmao. So I put my cards away and just kind of let it be because, can't do anything about my situation currently and they should know that right? Two days or so later, I just made like two or so small changes within my schedule and my day was fantastic, and I realized 'ah.....make the change......little sneaky mfs'. So sometimes it can be something big, and sometimes it's really just like some small stuff. If your guides have noticed you've been stuck doing the same cycle for a bit, they might be a bit more aggressive. Or they will notice you listen to a certain person's advice the most, so they will imitate the way they give out that advice (and lucky for me, the people I listen to are usually very honest, very brutal, and blunt lmao).

4. Certain spirits interfering with the reading

I wasn't going to put this on here but for some reason I kept going back and adding it so eh. This is highly unlikely but I guess just in case a mischievous bored little ghosty wanted to hang out with you lmao. Once, again I'm not highly spiritual, but I am observant, and I am very critical. I don't really have any other stories to go off of besides my own and I don't even know if this happened to me, but I did notice at one point when I was starting out, that sometimes I would get legitimate answers, and then sometimes they would be just fucking...like no sense. Was not realistic at all and nowhere close to what I even asked. So after a while I just started asking questions I Knew the answer to, to see what was going on, and then I just happened to get a video about this very thing in my feed, and ta-da~. it also helps that my guides are very loud and when I don't get that energy I know something is off. So if you want to do some research on it, go for it? Usually the first three steps solve it. However my go to is just making sure only my guides have access to me whenever I'm pulling cards, so the whole "guides of the highest light & love etcetc, my guides, and my guides only are allowed to access me, etcetcetc" that whole speech

Those are the main three + one extra thing I can think of??? For some other extra tidbits I'm going to link some content that I like their insight on the most

Kino Tarot's How to Accurately Read for Yourself

Healianthus-Tarot's piece on interpreting & how a reading can be influenced (bc I think they wrote it better)

[glowdetails]

SOCIAL MEDIA DOES NOT DEFINE YOU💗🍒

buckle up, it’s a long one. like this post so it’s saved for your own reading on days u need it. today i’d like to share a few thoughts about social media, hopefully it will relate to some out there experiencing similar situation.

lowkey, i hate it. everything about it (to me) is a social construct. one of the thing that made me feel this way is because people think social media is everything. sad if you think this is true. people believe that if you post a certain way, or have a cool feed or have an awesome life based on your feed - automatically people assume you are this & that. if you don’t post stuff, still people will assume this/that. whatever you do, people will “assume” something. collectively, i want all of us to STOP assuming. also the need for us to post something because we need validation/acceptance (guilty). which to me, sucks. i want people to know you must do what your heart desires - not for THEM. for you. (if u like it, then YOU GO GIRL) also disclaimer : if u love social media, u do u hun. i’m not discriminating people’s choice at all. this is just personal opinion & choice. we have no rights to judge others for what they like to do.

even though i love social media bc it allows us to connect, share & just allow positivity or shine light for the things that matter. but other than that - i don’t really like it. let me tell you, the moment i started to really reduce my time on insta, twitter (except tumblr lol) - something changed positively. i have nothing against it at all. but i know myself. i know how in my head, it creates unnecessary negative thoughts, self doubt, comparison for myself. and drains my self esteem. so i decided to stop scrolling my insta daily (personal acc). don’t get me wrong, i post usually maybe once or twice a month. but i now try to post what makes ME happy. not what i think people will like. it’s a conscious mindset i had to work within myself. i’ll explain more later on.

some days when i see someone enjoying their best life & just being their perfect selves - i think to myself, “damn why don’t i have this many friends?” “why can’t i just be more like this/that?” “i don’t have enough of this/that” honestly, it’s the worst feeling ever, always doubting & comparing yourself with others. so i asked & interrogate myself with bunch of questions like “why do i feel like this” “what do u think might do to avoid this feeling” “how to stop comparing yourselves with others?” etc.

and i’m finally at a good place where i can say - social media does not do that to me anymore. (not as bad as before at least, i’m getting there!) and i’m here to share some things with you.

💗 WAYS TO HELP YOURSELF : first, you need to ask yourself the hard questions. (like the examples i gave) & investigate yourself. by doing this, u’ll learn and deconstruct your thoughts and really know what the reasons are, understand the root of your problem. and fix it. second, less time on social media. follow the people who inspires you. unfollow people who promotes unhealthy & unrealistic beauty standards. mute or unfollow whoever you feel like is making you feel some sorta way (temporary). third, know that everything u see on social media is literally a highlight reel of our best moments. so no, you are perfectly fine and probably living your best life even if you don’t post things or the best pictures. next, STOP THE NEGATIVE SELF TALK. everytime you think of a negative thing to say to yourself about the other person or yourself. STOP. you are no one to judge anyone. let people live. let yourself be. don’t be too hard on yourself. and think of something positive about that thing you were talking about. it helps. next, mindset. be conscious of your thoughts and really be on alert at all times. we are so easily distracted and get sucked into this “why dont i have this or that” or negative thoughts and get feel really bad for ourselves. it doesn’t have to be that way. always be on alert with your mind and what it says. be conscious. always ask yourself this, “am i doing this because i want people to think highly about me or bc I like it?”

🍒WORDS YOU NEED TO HEAR : so all in all, i’m just trying to say - you are fucking amazing. just the way you already are. social media can be a beautiful thing if used correctly and be the worst toxic place to be if done wrong. SOCIAL MEDIA DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. I REPEAT. SOCIAL MEDIA DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. YOUR FEED DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. IT IS ALL A SOCIAL CONTRUCT AND YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL BAD FOR ANYTHING (for example not posting much, not having the best pictures, or for posting too much whatever it is. it is in your control and people’s opinion should not EVER matter as long as you are happy & you fulfill yourself, THATS ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS. at the end of the day, it all comes down to you and self respect. respect yourself enough to not make yourself feel shit. own your thoughts & FIGHT that negative talk. work on having a strong sense of self because if u’re very comfortable with you yourself, you don’t even need social media or anyone to make yourself feel amazing or bad.

send me tips & words that might help. love u guys. hope u’re doing well.

- A, glowdetails

[yourfaceislikeabluemoon]

His Little Imp

Words: 4.5k

Warning: Finger sucking, blowjob, face-fucking, cum play/cum eating, handjob, slight exhibitionism (if you squint), usual dirty talk, and language.

A/N: soooo I haven’t posted something like this in ages 👀 like I haven’t done a member x member fic in a really long time. but this idea barged into my head while I was trying to fall asleep one night and it wouldn’t go away. plus, this is a favorite trope of mine heh heh. also, it is conveniently Felix’s birthday as I’m posting this (I swear that wasn’t actually intentional, it just worked out that way lol). this isn’t edited bc I kinda forgot and also I’m lazy 😂 anywho, I hope you enjoy - I sure enjoyed writing it hehe ❤

The whipped cream was distracting. Tasty, sure, but it was the tiny glob on the side of Felix's mouth that he had somehow missed when he licked his lips that kept grabbing Seungmin's attention. After a few moments of actively trying, and failing, to ignore it, Seungmin sighed exasperatedly and reached to thumb it away. "Lix, you have whipped cream on your face," he alerted the older boy before he swiped the offending substance off his skin.

Felix made a noise of recognition and leaned forward to give Seungmin better access. The younger gently scooped the cream off with his thumb but wasn't fast enough in retracting his hand; without warning, Felix sucked the whipped cream off and giggled as his cheeks tinged slightly pink. Seungmin stilled, lips parted and eyes wide, and he could only imagine how red his own face was. Felix shrugged and looked away as Seungmin finally let his hand drop to his own lap, "Couldn't let it go to waste."

Seungmin awkwardly cleared his throat and nodded stiffly, "Uh, yeah, of course."

And that was that. They both went back to what they were doing before the 'incident', Felix acting like nothing had happened. But Seungmin was still distracted, just not by the whipped cream anymore. He couldn't get the image of his thumb in Felix's mouth out of his head; those pillowy, raspberry-colored lips, how warm and wet his mouth was, the juxtaposition of innocence and mischief that glinted in the older boy's eyes when Seungmin finally tore his gaze away from Felix's mouth and made brief eye contact, and the faint blush that dusted over those freckled cheeks.

That moment replayed in Seungmin's head way more times than he would ever admit. Not that he would admit to thinking about Felix's mouth in the first place, absolutely not. Seungmin definitely didn't think about Felix's mouth when he was tucked away in bed that night, staring at the inside of his eyelids and willing himself to just go to sleep.

~

Days later, Seungmin was cooking something in the kitchen of the dorm, it being his idea instead of Felix's for once. He regretted that idea fairly quickly when he gracelessly elbowed a full bowl off the countertop and reflexively tried to catch it, making an even bigger mess in the process. Seungmin swore and threw his head back dramatically, groaning in frustration.

"Lix, I made a mess again."

Felix shuffled into the kitchen already laughing even before he saw the state the younger boy was in, "How many times are you gonna tell me that exact thing in our lifetimes?"

Seungmin shrugged his shoulders and held up both hands, one of which was dripping with the sauce from the bowl, and stared down, past his sauce-streaked apron, at the liquid covering the floor surrounding and all over his feet. Felix tip-toed closer, avoiding the splatters and various sized puddles, and grabbed Seungmin's wrist which startled him. He looked over just in time to see Felix's plump lips closing around two fingers. The texture of Felix's tongue sliding against the pads of his fingertips, ridding them of the sauce, also rid his brain of anything and everything; his mind was just static. His entire body felt like static, too. The only place that had any feeling left was the hand in Felix's grasp and mouth. Jolts of electricity transferred from Felix's taste buds down Seungmin's wrist into the numbness of his arm while Seungmin stood motionless, mouth agape and something akin to disbelief etched into his expression.

Felix dragged the fingers from his mouth and looked off into the distance as he licked his lips, "Needs more salt."

Apparently, even when his entire body is in some weird form of hibernation, Seungmin's knack for sarcasm is completely unharmed, working as usual despite the lack of function everywhere else. So he said the first thing that barged into his empty brain, "Oh, well, hand me the salt shaker. I'll just sprinkle some on the floor here."

Felix snorted and doubled over with laughter, his tiny hands clutching his knees, "Sorry. Sorry, that, yeah, never mind." He wiped at his eyes and straightened up, "Let's clean up."

Seungmin nodded in agreement and looked disdainfully at his feet, "I really need to change my socks." Felix followed his gaze and cringed before busting out laughing again.

And just like that, they acted like nothing happened. Again. Only this time, Seungmin had a new image brandished into the back of his eyelids when he struggled to sleep that night. And this time when Seungmin replayed the moment in his mind, there was definitely no trace of innocence in Felix's eyes.

~

Now that his brain had so thoughtfully provided him with a new fixation, all Seungmin could think about was Felix's plush lips and warm, wet mouth. His eyes found Felix's face far too often and lingered on his lips for far too long. It was getting bad and he really hoped that no one noticed, especially Felix. But, alas, luck was not on his side -- it never was when it came to this 'situation'.

"Minnie, you're staring again," Felix pointed out from his spot on the couch, legs draped over the back and his head dangling with his attention fixed on his phone.

Seungmin grunted in acknowledgement and blinked rapidly. In his defense, he admittedly had been staring at Felix's mouth but sometime before his brain alerted him to look away after an unsuspicious amount of time, his thoughts wandered and he ended up staring off into space, deep in contemplation. "Sorry," he apologized and squirmed in his seat across from Felix, "Just thinking, didn't even know I was staring."

Felix hummed and spun himself around so he was sitting like a normal human being before patting the place next to him for Seungmin to come sit. "But, unconsciously or not, you've been staring at me a lot." Felix watched the younger make his way over, frowning when he sat down on the opposite end of the couch. He quickly crawled over to Seungmin and sat back on his heels, tilting his head like a confused puppy. "Is something wrong, Minnie? Did I do something wrong?" The pout was evident both in his tone and on those lips of his that Seungmin caught himself gawking at yet again.

Seungmin vehemently shook his head and tried to back away but was blocked by the armrest, "No! No, not at all! Everything's fine!"

Felix hummed again, squinting suspiciously as he eyed the younger boy before his expression morphed into one of smugness and teasing. "Like what you see?"

Snapping his eyes up from where they had been watching Felix speak, Seungmin swallowed thickly, "Uh, is that a trick question?"

Felix shook his head slowly and bit at his bottom lip. "Oh, come on. There must be something keeping your attention or else you wouldn't be staring at me every waking moment!"

Seungmin floundered, unable to come up with an answer. What was he supposed to do? Tell him the truth? Oh, yeah. Sorry, Felix. I just have this super weird fascination with your mouth and it's all I can think about. Not just during the day, I can't even sleep at night because I keep imagining your mouth. I want you to suck on my fingers again just to feel you, nothing major. Yeah, like that was gonna happen. That would go over so well.

"Am I really that pretty you can't keep your eyes off me?"

Seungmin was abruptly wrenched from his thoughts by the boy that was still kneeling on the couch next to him. He was all too aware of the fact that they were sitting too close to each other, so much so that Felix's bare knees were pressed up against Seungmin's thigh. Seungmin's brain finally processed the question he had just been asked but before he could stop himself, he breathed out his answer.

"Yes."

Felix's eyes became hooded and dark and he leaned in closer, a smirk curving his lips. "Tell me, what's your favorite feature of mine?" It should have sounded extremely narcissistic but something in the tone of Felix's voice, a bit contemptuous with just a hint of genuine curiosity, made Seungmin heat up, surely blushing a brilliant shade of red under Felix's enticing gaze.

Seungmin's mouth went dry and he found himself swallowing again as he fumbled for another answer, but Felix held up a finger to halt him. "Wait, let me guess! Could it be my tiny hands?" He wiggled his fingers and scrunched up his nose cutely.

"Oh, maybe it's my eyes," Felix tilted forward again, batting his lashes seductively and looked up at Seungmin through them.

The older suddenly sat up on his knees and lifted his shirt, causing panic to rise in Seungmin and something else. "Probably my itty-bitty waist, right? Wanna grab at it with your big, strong hands?" Felix teased as Seungmin's eyes wandered over the expanse of skin directly in front of him, defined abs, deep v-lines, and that tiny waist.

Seungmin was sweating. Or maybe that was drool. Probably both. And he wanted to touch. Bad.

He instantly glanced up when Felix started talking again, "But that wouldn't make any sense." He dropped his shirt and plopped back down, pouting because he hadn't guessed correctly yet. "You've been staring at my face this whole time." Realization washed over Felix's face and the smirk made its way back onto his plush, tempting lips.

And it was in that moment that Seungmin knew he was fucked.

Felix had known the whole time. He was just having fun riling Seungmin up, making him sweat, making him want him even more, the little devil. "I know," Felix licked his lips, seemingly in slow motion, "It's my mouth you like, isn't it, Minnie?"

Seungmin's sharp intake of air was answer enough. Felix nodded once, "You can touch if you want."

The younger gulped and hesitantly lifted his hand to the other boy's face. When he got within an inch, Felix snarled and snapped his teeth. Seungmin practically jumped out of his skin, eyes like saucers and his breathing labored and panting.

Felix giggled. He giggled. "I'm just kidding, Minnie! I won't bite. Unless you want me to." Felix winked and sucked in his bottom lip to bite down on it. When it popped free from his mouth, the wet flesh glistened in the light and Seungmin threw all fear out the window, grasping the side of the older boy's face before slowly sliding his thumb over Felix's bottom lip and lightly tugging it down. Felix poked his tongue out impishly and hummed, giving Seungmin permission for whatever he wanted to do next.

The younger boy's stare flicked from Felix's mouth, up to his eyes, and back down again. Seungmin retracted his hand only slightly to rest two of his fingertips against the pillowiness of Felix's lips. Tongue peeking out again, Felix gently licked at Seungmin's fingers, watching him intently and gauging his reaction, and when the younger gasped and his eyes fluttered but stayed open, Felix took both fingers into his mouth and sucked.

The faintest moan slipped from Seungmin and he breathed heavily, "Lix."

Felix hummed and smiled around the digits in his mouth, laving his tongue against the fingertips and sucking diligently. He found himself leaning in even further, hands resting on the couch in front of him and his ass perked out, an elegant curve to his spine.

Felix could feel his sense of control slipping and he almost lost it completely when Seungmin pushed his fingers in further and pressed down on the back of his tongue, causing him to gag a bit. Seungmin groaned in response, free hand snaking up to rest at the nape of Felix's neck as he slid down further into the couch.

Felix took the opportunity to move his hands from the sofa seat to rest one hand on each of the younger boy's thighs. Seungmin jolted minutely at the contact but smiled weakly as he pulled his fingers from the older's mouth, a single strand of saliva connecting them like spider silk sparkling in the light. Felix pouted at the emptiness and started to lean backwards but Seungmin stopped him with both hands on his waist. Quirking an eyebrow, Felix leaned back in as Seungmin tugged him forward.

"C'mere," he slurred and pulled the older into his lap. Felix fell against him from the force and chuckled as he situated himself in Seungmin's lap, thighs resting on either side and his arms draped over the younger boy's shoulders. Seungmin stared up at him, completely entranced, eyes wandering over every facial feature, stopping at every freckle and marveling at the beauty in front of him.

Felix giggled, "Minnie?"

"Huh?" Seungmin grunted, immediately making eye contact, pupils already blown.

A coy little grin playing over Felix's face, he leaned in a trifle closer and whispered, "Aren't you gonna kiss me?"

Seungmin was well and truly fucked.

He gulped and wet his lips, steeling himself in preparation. Not that he didn't want to kiss Felix -- boy did he ever! But this was something that had only played out in fantasies behind his eyelids when he let his mind spin things just enough while he was in that space between awake and unconsciousness when he laid in bed at night. This wasn't something he ever expected to happen outside of his daydreams, so to say Felix's question caught him off guard was the understatement of the century.

Felix saw the brief flicker of panic in Seungmin's eyes and he couldn't help but frown, fearing that he had somehow made the younger uncomfortable. "Minnie, if you don't want to kiss me-"

"No! It's not that at all, believe me!" Seungmin reassured as he soothed his hands up and down Felix's sides. He chuckled despite himself, "I just- I've thought about this so much but I guess I never really thought it would happen in real life?" He winced slightly at how lame he sounded but Felix was beaming and Seungmin could see the older boy's desire to tease sparkling in his dark eyes.

"I'm curious," Felix paused to bite at his lip playfully, "How did it go in your daydreams -- us kissing?"

Seungmin yet again explored his deserted brain for an answer and came up empty handed. The twinkle in Felix's eyes somehow became even more mischievous and he scrunched his nose a little before laughing breathily, "Why don't you just show me?"

The younger nodded dumbly, a hesitant palm resting on Felix's hip while the other shakily reached for the side of his face, thumbing at his bottom lip once again. Seungmin delicately guided Felix forward, noses brushing and fingers trembling.

The closer they got, the more Felix could feel his own nervousness thrumming in his chest and he wondered if Seungmin could hear how fast his heart was racing. But, he assumed, Seungmin's heart was most likely beating wildly, too. Their breaths mingled and jolts of electricity went through them both when their lips barely grazed each other's. Felix was yearning to just dive in and kiss him hard, no second thoughts, but he wanted Seungmin to take the lead and do whatever he was comfortable with.

After what felt like ages, Seungmin softly pressed his lips against Felix's and quickly pulled back a little bit. The older couldn't help the smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. Seemingly just testing the waters with that initial peck, Seungmin searched Felix's eyes for any sort of hesitation or discomfort and when he found nothing but ardor and rascality, he leaned back in. So gently, so carefully, so sweetly, Seungmin kissed Felix and drew him in closer, chests pressed together.

Seungmin was in heaven -- Felix's lips were somehow even softer than they looked or how he'd imagined, the feeling of holding him was the definition of blissful, and he couldn't get enough.

Felix was going insane -- he felt like a madman and he felt bad about it because all he wanted to do was kiss Seungmin senseless but darling, charming Seungmin was kissing him so innocently.

A few cautious pecks later, Felix calmly pulled away and smiled warmly. "I know I'm small but you don't have to be so careful with me, Minnie. I won't break. And I don't mind if you're a little rougher with me." The older couldn't help the blush that crept onto his cheeks, "I actually kinda like it. A lot."

That was all Seungmin needed; his gaze immediately darkened and his chest rumbled in a sort of growl before pulling Felix back in. His kiss had gone from gentle and pure to searing and sinful at the drop of a hat. He was stealing Felix's breath and the older found himself gripping onto Seungmin's shirt to stabilize himself to some extent.

Seungmin bit and nipped at Felix's pillowy lips, occasionally sucking the lower into his own mouth. He licked at the seam, silently asking for permission, which Felix unabashedly gave instantly.

Felix's jaw went slack and his eyes practically rolled to the back of his head when Seungmin's tongue finally tangled with his own. He whined lewdly when Seungmin sucked in his tongue and, at the same time, squeezed his ass firmly, yanking him in even closer. Felix couldn't help but roll his hips, grinding down in Seungmin's lap and relishing in the low moan the younger let out when their clothed erections brushed against each other.

"Want you in my mouth. Wanna taste you," Felix whimpered against Seungmin's lips when they paused to breathe.

Seungmin chuckled, "Isn't that what we're doing?"

Panting, Felix shook his head and pouted, "Wanna suck you off. Please?"

Breath caught in his throat, Seungmin stared at the boy in his lap. "Any of the guys could come out or come home and see us, we're on the communal couch," he hissed, panicking.

Felix pouted more and punctuated his begging by grinding down again, "Please, want you in my mouth. Please?"

Throwing caution to the wind, Seungmin groaned and tossed his head back before nodding, "Fuck. Yeah, OK. Fuck yes."

Eagerly clambering out of Seungmin's lap and onto the floor in front of him between his legs, Felix clutched at the strong thighs next to him in anticipation. He nosed at Seungmin's clothed length, humming contentedly while the younger squirmed under him.

Seungmin's hips canted and he couldn't help but moan deeply as Felix palmed him and mumbled into his thigh, "You want my mouth just as much as I want your cock, don't you?"

"Ngh, yes. Please, Lix," he groaned at the ceiling. Felix toyed with his zipper, still keen to tease despite being desperate himself. "Please," another whispered imploration. The eldest smiled softly and obliged him, undoing his jeans and tugged them down with bated breath. Seungmin lifted his hips to make it easier, resting back into the couch when Felix had pulled them partway down his legs.

The younger was straining against his briefs, his cock having already leaked enough pre-cum for it to leave a dark spot on the front. Felix whined when he noticed it and pressed gentle kisses along the still covered shaft before sucking at the head through the material, tiny hands kneading at the meat of his thighs, fingertips occasionally slipping under the hem to rile the younger up even more. Seungmin was gripping onto the couch like his life depended on it, drunk off the pleasure regardless of the fact that he was still in his briefs.

Felix quickly solved that problem, fingers dipping under the waistband to slide down the offending item of clothing. His breath hitched when Seungmin's hard cock slapped against his lower stomach and his eyes flicked up to the younger's, mouth agape and watering. Seungmin chuckled huskily and took the perfect opportunity to throw Felix's words back in his face, "Like what you see?"

Felix blinked torpidly and nodded, unable to hide the blush that dusted his cheeks when he registered the question. Without preamble, he leaned in to suck at Seungmin's balls. "Oh!" Seungmin shuddered, gasping at the sudden contact. Felix hummed and lapped at the supple flesh before licking up to the head of his cock. There he suckled tenderly, the tip of his tongue sporadically dipping into the slit, and made eye contact with Seungmin who looked close to passing out.

Panting and squirming, it was Seungmin's turn to whimper, "Shit, Lix! You look so fucking pretty! God!"

Felix fluttered his lashes in response and sunk down on Seungmin's dick, lips stretching obscenely around his girth. He moaned at the feeling of the younger boy hot and heavy on his tongue; his eyes rolled back and drool dripped from the corners of his mouth. Seungmin moaned right along with him, throwing his head back and anchored himself so as not to thrust wildly into Felix's tight, wet throat.

"Lixie, so pretty for me," he brushed strands of hair from Felix's eyes as the older looked up at him again and rested his hand against one freckled cheek, feeling it bulge and hollow as Felix fervently sucked. "Fuck, your pretty mouth was made for my cock, wasn't it?"

Felix whined and nodded in agreement, easing more of Seungmin down with each bob of his head. When he reached the base, he swallowed tightly, tears pooling in his eyes from the discomfort. Seungmin whimpered above him, getting lost in the pleasure. "How can someone be that pretty even when they cry?" he whispered, not really intending for Felix to hear, but the older heard and preened nonetheless.

With one last lave of his tongue over the bulging veins in the underside of Seungmin's cock, Felix pulled up slowly, the head falling from his lips with a filthy pop. He pumped the length with his hand, all the saliva making the slide slippery and smooth. "I know you're close, Minnie," Felix arched an eyebrow, "Are you holding out on me?"

Seungmin's hips pitched forward ever so slightly, dick twitching in the older's grasp, "Ngh, you feel too good. Wanna feel you for as long as I can. Don't wanna stop."

"Oh, baby! I'm not going anywhere! You can have my mouth again whenever you want, don't you worry about that!" Felix placed a single kiss on the head of his cock, seemingly sealing his promise, before smiling up at Seungmin, a dash of feigned pity behind his eyes. "Besides, it must hurt to hold it in so long like this." He tutted and shook his head, "No, that won't do. I know what'll make you cum, baby." Seungmin's hips shot forward at the pet name and Felix snickered meanly, "Here, fuck my mouth. I know you want to."

Seungmin whined and whimpered and writhed. He did want to. So badly. But he didn't want to hurt Felix. The eldest noticed the hesitation and smiled genuinely, "It's ok! I like it rough, remember?" Seungmin nodded tentatively and Felix took him back into his mouth, bracing himself against the strong thighs at his sides. The younger shyly thrusted once, again testing the waters, but when Felix's throat accommodated him so well, he sighed and reached to tangle his fingers in the older's hair before beginning to shallowly thrust. Felix moaned around the cock in his mouth, loving the feeling of his throat being abused as Seungmin's pace quickened and his strokes strengthened.

The older was a whimpering mess being used for Seungmin's pleasure and that got Felix more turned on than he's possibly ever been in his life. He reached down with one hand to grip at his dick over his shorts, trying to relieve some of the pressure, but he ended up pulling out his cock to thrust into his own hand, chasing the blinding satisfaction that he was on the very cusp of.

Seungmin was scorching hot, belly burning with his release so close, "Lix, I'm- I can't last anymore." Felix hummed in encouragement, quickening his own pace on his leaking length. "Lix, can I- I wanna cum on your face. You'd look so fucking pretty with my cum on your face. Can I, please?" Felix was eagerly nodding the entire time Seungmin was begging, or nodding as best he could while choking on his cock.

The younger whispered 'thank you's over and over again as he tugged Felix off by his hair and started to jerk at his sensitive dick. Felix obediently held his mouth open, tongue lolling out in wait, and seconds later, streaks of white painted his lips. A few shot up to land across his freckled cheeks and nose, narrowly missing his eyes, which he was thankful for because he could fully see Seungmin's reaction to his face covered in his cum. And god it was beautiful. So was Felix in Seungmin's eyes. And he told him so.

"Gorgeous," Seungmin breathed, smearing his cockhead in the cum covering Felix's bottom lip. The eldest moaned and smiled, lashes fluttering closed before he suckled any leftover drops of cum from Seungmin's cock and licked his lips. He dragged his fingertips across his face, scooping up all the cum, and sucked it from his fingers, making sure to look Seungmin in the eye as he did.

"Fuck, you're filthy," Seungmin smirked and tugged him back up into his lap, "C'mere." Felix clumsily scampered up, still hard cock bouncing against his own stomach when he sat down. Seungmin glanced down, smirk widening, and took Felix into his hand. "Good. Wanted to see you cum all over yourself anyway."

Felix whined, "And you said I was the dirty one."

Seungmin smiled naughtily before leaning in closer and started to tug at Felix's cute, pink cock. "Gonna make you even dirtier." The older keened and surged forward to kiss Seungmin again. Seungmin groaned when he tasted himself on Felix's tongue but made no effort to move away which made Felix twitch in his grasp. The younger twisted his hand and thumbed at his frenulum, making Felix gasp into his mouth. He swallowed his moans and jerked him to completion, cum spilling over his hand and shooting up the front of Felix's shirt. "Looks like you made the mess this time, Lix," Seungmin whispered against his mouth. Felix punched him in the arm and giggled as he came down from his high.

The two heard a noise and Felix turned around just in time to see Hyunjin, jaw on the floor, slap a hand over his eyes, immediately do a 180, and made a beeline out of the room, presumably in the direction from which he came. Felix giggled while Seungmin groaned, "I knew we'd get caught! You're gonna pay for this, you little incubus!"

~

Later that night, far past midnight, there was a soft knock on Seungmin's bedroom door. He opened it to find his little imp smiling sweetly, already batting his lashes.

"Can I help you, demon?" Seungmin asked with a raised eyebrow.

Felix clasped his hands in front of himself and cutely twisted in place, his big t-shirt billowing out around him made him look even tinier than usual. "I believe you promised me a punishment."

Seungmin scoffed before glancing the older up and down and growled, "This time, I'm shoving my fingers down your throat while I suck you off."

Felix feigned shock as he closed the door behind himself, "Minnie, how scandalous!"

[whumpinggrounds]

My Friend Jude

jamie is still learning and isabella is learning a few things with her :)

tagging @killtheprotagonist and @shapeshiftersandfire

CW: female whumpee, pet whump, but nothing actually happens bc jamie is a sweetie :)

“So, um, what do you want for dinner?” Jamie’s rattling around the kitchen, looking in cabinets and drawers to see what’s there. “Are you hungry yet? What, um. What did you have for lunch?”

“I didn’t eat lunch, Jamie.”

There’s a slowing, and then a complete stop to Jamie’s rummaging. She turns to face Isabella, looking deeply concerned. “You, um, didn’t eat? Because…I mean…we had breakfast at eight. It’s, um, it’s two now.”

Isabella offers her a bland smile. “I don’t have permission from my owner to eat without her.”

Hearing that, Jamie’s eyebrows draw together, and Isabella sees what anger looks like on this tentative, awkward woman. Drawing back, Isabella tries to steel herself for some kind of punishment, but Jamie just shakes her head, and as quickly as it appeared, the anger is gone. “Sorry I-sorry. That’s, um…huh. Okay. Just, um, as long as I’m with you, you have permission to eat whenever you’re hungry, okay?”

Uncertainly, Isabella nods. Whenever she’s hungry? That doesn’t seem right. But Jamie is in charge of her for now, so she just nods again. “Okay, Jamie.”

“So, um, do you have anything in particular you’d like? For dinner? I, um, I’m going to make you a snack and then we’re going to probably eat pretty early, because you’re definitely hungry.”

Swallowing, Isabella searches her head for an appropriate response. “Whatever…whatever you would like would be lovely, thank you.” She squeezes her eyes shut even as she says it, because that canned response does nothing but irritate Mara, though her owner usually tries to hide her frustration.

From Jamie there’s silence, and Isabella risks a peek at the redhead. Far from angry, she just looks like she’s thinking. “I…okay. Okay. I’m going to, um. Try something here.” Jamie sighs, turning fully to face Isabella and putting both hands flat on the counter, as if to steady herself. “I, um…I don’t know if Mara’s ever told you this, but I used to…I used to have a friend. We did, I guess. Mara and me. We had the same friend. Her name was…” Jamie clears her throat awkwardly. “Her name was Ju…”

Isabella winces without meaning to, and Jamie nods. “Yep, so, um, I think you know who I’m talking about.”

It was hard enough to have this conversation with Mara. Isabella doesn’t, truly doesn’t, want to have it with a new stranger, but she clears her throat to make it clear who and what she is. “My name is Isabella, and I am a Box Babe belonging to Mara Langford, designated combination Domestic-Platonic, Product Number 067-”

“N-no.” Jamie hesitates as she says it, but there’s force behind the word. “I’m…I’m sorry. I know…” Jamie sucks in a deep breath, as if new air will give her strength. “I know you’re not her. You’re Isabella.” Jamie tries for a smile, and Isabella returns one, tiny and nervous. “I just…if you don’t mind, I can cook something she used to like. Because you do remind me of her, a little. She was, um, she was a vegetarian, you know? I can…can make something vegetarian…if, um, if you…”

Isabella may not know Jamie, but she knows what rambling sounds like, and she can see the discomfort in Jamie’s eyes as she stumbles along. “That sounds good,” she agrees, and Jamie relaxes so visibly it’s almost comical.

“Oh. Good.” She smiles at Isabella, real and warm and relieved, and Isabella can’t help smiling back.

Isabella moves to join Jamie in the kitchen, but the redhead is washing her hands and getting out the cutting board herself. “I…I can do that,” Isabella offers uncertainly, but Jamie just smiles at her.

“I’ve got it.”

So Jamie will be holding a knife. Isabella wants to back away, but Jamie hasn’t dismissed her. Steeling herself, Isabella holds her place near the kitchen, every nerve tense and ready. When Jamie speaks, her quiet voice is enough to make Isabella want to jump. “Do you want to, um, tell me about your day?”

Brow wrinkling, Isabella examines Jamie hesitantly. “All I do is clean,” she explains. “And do some stretches, sometimes. Exercises. It wouldn’t be very interesting to talk about.”

Mouth turning down, Jamie focuses on the vegetables she’s chopping, and Isabella wonders if she’s angry. She wonders if Jamie’s thinking about using the knife for something besides making dinner. “Well, did anything different happen today?”

She doesn’t sound angry, but she doesn’t sound happy, either. Still – Isabella can’t lie to her. “No,” she answers honestly, eyes still on the knife.

“Don’t…don’t you get bored?”

Isabella’s eyes come up to meet Jamie’s. The question seems genuine, and Jamie’s face is open in the asking, but Isabella’s not about to criticize her owner to a stranger. “I’m very happy here.” Isabella’s smiling as she says it, even, but Jamie doesn’t look convinced.

“That’s…not really an answer.”

The smile starts to slip from Isabella’s face. She has the uncomfortable, heart-racing feeling that Jamie is trying to catch her out, and she doesn’t know what exactly to say that will get her out of trouble. She does get bored, she does, but that would sound like complaining. Should she go with the simple stupid pet route? Would that be lying?

The distress must show on her face because Jamie sets the knife down carefully. “Sorry – I’m sorry. Let’s, uh, let’s talk about something else.”

“Thank you, Jamie.”

“A’course.” Jamie gives her this crooked little half-smile, and Isabella smiles back, still tentative, careful. “It’s okay – my day wasn’t very interesting, either.”

The convention is to ask Jamie, now, what she does. Isabella can’t help finding it strange, this playing at conversation with a pet. Mara tried it for a time, but she’s mostly given up now, has slipped into guiding the conversation and letting Isabella ask her questions. Still, if a pretend dialogue is what Jamie wants, Isabella can try to oblige. “What did you do?”

“I, uh, I’m a caregiver, if you know what that is.”

Isabella just shakes her head.

“I help out people who can’t do things on their own. If they use mobility aids or something like that, older people…there’s stuff they can’t do by themselves.” Jamie shrugs. “Like I said. It’s not that interesting either.”

Maybe that’s why Jamie’s making dinner instead of having Isabella do it. Maybe she’s just so used to helping people that she doesn’t realize Isabella isn’t a person. “That sounds important.”

Jamie rewards her with another smile. “I…yeah, I guess it is. I don’t know. I like my new clients, so that’s nice.”

“Why…” Isabella marvels at her own bravery but reminds herself that this seems to be what Jamie wants. “Why do you have new clients?”

Now Jamie sets the knife in the sink, and Isabella wonders if she’s keeping it close, in case she needs it again, for something besides little piles of peppers and carrots, like, for instance, Isabella. When Jamie speaks, her voice is quiet, but it still startles the boxgirl, whose eyes are fixed firmly on the knife gleaming in the sink. “I, uh, just moved here. From a few…a few hours away. So. New clients.”

“Oh. Do you like it here?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Jamie shrugs again, shoulders hanging awkwardly even after she’s done, hunched up by her shoulders. If Isabella didn’t know better, she’d think that Jamie was almost…afraid. As if Isabella could do something to her. “It’s spring now, so I like that it’s brighter out, but I don’t think that has anything to do with the city. You’ve lived here longer – do you like it here?”

“I’m sorry; I couldn’t say. I don’t leave the apartment.”

She doesn’t. Isabella’s life begins and ends at the gray metal door that lets her owner into the hallway and keeps Isabella safe inside. Mara’s at work all the time, and when she’s not at work, she doesn’t want to be seen with a pet. For a lot of reasons, she tells Isabella, but that doesn’t stop her boxgirl wondering if it’s because of the scar on her chest.

Maybe Jamie agrees, because she’s frowning. “I’m…sorry. Do, um, do you want to?”

“I want what Mara wants,” Isabella answers simply, correctly. Jamie nods, still frowning.

“Well…uh…how’s…um…the weather?”

Isabella watches Jamie wince at her own awkwardness and feels a tiny spark of amusement, dangerous as that is. “Pretty good.” Other times, Isabella might wonder if that response is too informal, but she has a sense it might put Jamie at ease. “There was a bit of snow this winter. A lot of rain.”

“Which do you like more?”

It’s a harmless preference to have, Isabella is almost sure, so she thinks about it. “I think…I think rain?” she almost asks it, looking nervously to Jamie, who encourages her with a smile. “They’re both pretty, but I don’t like…I don’t like watching the snow get ruined. It makes me…um…sad.”

That’s…that’s a lot, even for trying to have a conversation, even for trying to put her tentative new pet-sitter at ease. Almost as soon as she’s done speaking, her muscles lock up, her eyes drop. Isabella’s nervous, though she doesn’t know exactly why.

Jamie sighs. “Yeah, that’s true. Snow is pretty, but slush is sad.”

“Yeah,” Isabella agrees quietly.

“Do you…do you like hot or cold weather better?”

“I…I…”

“Oh, and” – Jamie speaks up so suddenly Isabella flinches, just a little – “oh, sorry, if, um, if I’m asking something that you can’t answer…or don’t want to answer…you don’t have to, you know?” Her voice and face seem so earnest. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I’m happy to do whatever my owner wants me to,” Isabella reminds Jamie softly, and the redhead bites her lip.

“O…okay. But what if…maybe you could just, um, let me know, if there’s something that makes you uncomfortable.”

Nodding slowly, Isabella wonders how the hell she’s supposed to navigate that. As she puzzles it over, Jamie lets out a little self-conscious laugh. “I’m…I’m sorry I’m being so awkward.”

“O-oh.” Taken aback all over again, Isabella wonders how to approach this. “You’re…not, I’m sorry if I gave you that impression-”

“No, no, really, I, um, get a little nervous around new people.”

“I’m not a person,” Isabella reminds her softly, and Jamie winces.

“Oh, um…” Jamie bites her lip. “I don’t…feel that way.”

Isabella has no idea how to answer that. She and Jamie gaze at each other across the table, and Jamie is the first to look away. “Sorry,” she says quietly. “Sorry. I…I’m not…used to this.”

There’s movement in front of Jamie’s sweatshirt, and when Isabella drops her eyes, she sees that Jamie’s wringing her hands. If she’s faking her anxiousness, her awkwardness, Isabella decides, then the pet is meant to fall for it. The act is just too convincing, so…so Isabella will have to assume that it’s real.

“That’s okay.” It’s weird, weird, weird, reassuring an owner, but Jamie’s so unsure, so eager, it makes Isabella feel just a little safer. What does Mara say when Isabella’s anxious? “I…I don’t mind.”

And Jamie smiles, and Isabella feels a warmth, a relief. Is this how she’s supposed to interact with people? The talking, the warm feeling when someone smiles at her? The only person she ever sees is Mara, and this isn’t like Mara – her owner is quick, decisive, sure of herself. Jamie is anything but. It’s harder, this talking back and forth, and not what Isabella was trained for. But it doesn’t yet feel quite wrong.

Taking a deep breath, Jamie nods. “Thanks. Thank you.” Isabella just nods. “What, um…is there anything you’d like to do tonight? After dinner, I mean.”

Isabella could explain, once more, that she doesn’t have preferences, that that’s her owner’s job. Even Mara doesn’t like that, though, and Jamie has already confessed that she doesn’t know what she’s doing, so Isabella tries something else. “Usually, I clean up dinner and Mara finishes work from the day. Sometimes we watch a movie or a TV show.”

“Okay, well…well I don’t really have any work to do when I get home, so do you want to watch something? Is there anything you like?”

“I’m sorry, Jamie, I don’t know the titles.”

“Right…” Jamie seems at a loss, and Isabella wonders how much she’s going to have to teach this sitter after all.

Taking a deep breath, she tries to nudge the redhead in the right direction. “What do you usually do in the evenings?”

“Um, read, mostly.” Jamie shrugs. “Do you…do you read?”

Biting her lip, Isabella shakes her head. “I’ve been…encouraged not to,” she answers softly.

The look on Jamie’s face is strained again, stricken. “I’m…I’m sorry. I could…read to you? If you want?”

Her cheeks are pink – Jamie’s cheeks are pink, as if she’s embarrassed, making this offer to Isabella, to a pet. Now Isabella has to bite her lip to keep from smiling – Jamie’s strange, she decides, but…but kind. Perhaps it’s too early to say. Perhaps she’s making a mistake, failing some kind of test. Seeing the nervous hopeful look in Jamie’s eyes, Isabella doesn’t think so.

“That sounds nice,” she agrees, and Jamie’s cheeks go even pinker.

“Okay! Um, good. We can do that…then. After dinner?”

“After dinner,” Isabella agrees.

And after dinner Jamie does read to her. They sit on the couch – Isabella normally, hands folded in her lap; and Jamie crunched up in the corner, knees to her chest. Jamie’s bookmark is somewhere in the middle of the book, but she starts reading from the beginning, and Isabella isn’t sure if she should thank her for that.

She likes this, Isabella decides. It takes a while for her to relax, to lean back against the couch and tip her head back and listen. For a while, she looks at Jamie, and once more, that makes the redhead blush.

It’s a nice story. Jamie reads for a while, what feels like a long while, and when she needs water for her throat, she gets up herself, without even asking Isabella.

It’s strange, unaccountably strange, being with an owner, even a temporary one, that is so constantly looking for Isabella’s approval. That night, Isabella will turn it over and over in her head, trying to understand what’s going on. It must be, she finally decides, that like Mara, Jamie is making the mistake of treating Isabella like a person. It had taken several days for Mara to start losing the habit of asking for Isabella’s permission and approval and opinion on everything. Pretty soon Jamie will too.

Somewhere deep, deep in the secret heart of herself, a small, defiant part of Isabella hopes she doesn’t.