#who are used and manipulated by that system to help them--means a lot | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

loversj0y · 10 months

Text

saving face

pairing: siren x gn!reader (villain wilbur soot from tommyinnits clinic for supervillains)

tws: okay so, im going to be REALLY thorough because there is some dark content throughout so kidnapping, chloroform use, drug use (power enhancers), reader gets called sweetheart at one point, violence, injuries, torture, major head injuries, alcohol, alcohol is poured on reader, mental manipulation (attempts at it), blood, broken nose, siren tells someone to claw their eye out, mentions of a fractured skull and concussion

notes: big major thank u to @medlarwrites for this idea!!!! ive been obsessing over siren since i read clinic and had to write something abt him. im not in love with the start of the fic bc i had a very different direction at first but!!! dont care i like how it ended up!! so :3

medlars original prompt: “anyways lemme leave you a siren!wilbur who finds our his bestfriend from college got kidnapped because they suspect she's associated with siren and so want to get information about his identity from them :)”

word count: 5.5k!

taglist: @l0veb0mb1ng / @core-queen / @zooone

When you were in college, you had a rather… peculiar best friend. Maybe you should’ve cared a bit more about the moral consequences of what he did, but honestly, it was college. Your best friend was one of the most well-known supervillains, Siren.

That wasn’t how you met him, though. You met him as Wilbur Soot, the guy who sat next to you in your Literature class, who often forgot his pens. You had a small crush on him, so you made a habit of always bringing an extra pen for him. You became quick friends after, bonding over mutual hatred for the professor’s teaching style, as well as sharing an onslaught of opinions.

You didn’t mean to find out about his identity, it was a complete accident. You and him had this mutual agreement that if something was going on (life troubles, finals stress, etc.), you have free permission to come over for some company. If the other person wasn’t there, you would just wait until they got home. It was a good system that kept both of you from getting too lonely, especially you. He lived at home, but you lived in a dodgy apartment by yourself. He would always make an effort to show up any time he had anything he wanted to talk about, mostly to keep you from feeling too alone. One night, the loneliness had gotten pretty rough, so you decided to go to Wilbur’s house. You two had given each other spare keys a long while back, and it wasn’t the first time you’d done this, so you were quick to unlock the door and head into his room to wait for him to come home. When the door did finally open, it wasn’t Wilbur who walked through.

You immediately jumped, backing up a bit as you saw Siren walk in. Once he’d processed that you were there, he cursed under his breath, trying to console you while quickly pulling off his blindfold. You watched as he went from Siren to Wilbur in a matter of seconds, your head swirling with confusion. You two had a very long conversation that night, while you helped him clean up a scratch along his arm.

After college, you didn’t see Wilbur as much anymore. You worked a lot, and he worked quite a bit too. You two still saw each other, just not as often.

You saw Siren much more often, though. Since Wilbur knew where your walk home from work was, he would always make an effort to be there and walk you home at night once a week if he could. Sometimes he would only watch you from the rooftops, other times when it was a bit darker and there were fewer people out, he would walk with you, chatting about anything he could think of. Over time, what once had been a small crush blossomed into genuine love for your best friend.

It was nice, a really good system. Kept you and him talking, even when your busy schedules tended to keep you from each other. However, for as good of a system as it is, it also had some apparent downsides.

Like your current situation.

You didn’t know exactly where you were.

The last thing you remembered was leaving work. You locked up the small bookstore you worked at and began your walk home when you felt a hand wrap around you, pressing a cloth against your mouth. Whoever it was ended up being too strong for you to fight against, and it was only a few minutes before the chloroform reached your brain, knocking you out quickly. In terms of kidnappings, it was fairly tame, at the very least.

It took a while to wake up, your consciousness floating in and out a few times, allowing you to get small glimpses of conversations.

“Try and get ‘em to talk. Just being friends with Siren doesn’t mean they’re strong. We can break them, even if it takes some… stepping in.”

A bit of a horrifying thing to hear post-kidnapping, but even if it wasn’t on purpose, it at least got your guard up a bit.

When you woke up, you spent a few minutes looking around and familiarising yourself with your surroundings. You were in some shitty warehouse. Which, honestly, cliche, and how many abandoned warehouses did this city have? Large, brown-stained windows lined the top of the walls, allowing for a bit of light to pour in. There were garage-type doors every few feet, but most of them had large padlocks, except for one the furthest away from you.

Your hands and feet were tied onto the chair, one hand behind handcuffed while the other hand and your legs were attached with zip ties.

Escape was not going to be easy, but you knew a bit of fighting, Wilbur having taught you how to protect yourself. You finally looked over to the middle of the room.

It took you a while to recognize the guy who’d kidnapped you. You did know him, though, only because of the things that Siren had told you. Schlatt, previously known as Gunmetal, an ex-hero. His power was the ability to strengthen his body to a metal-like level, making him incredibly hard to take down. The Syndicate considered approaching him for membership, but he was… unstable. He got discharged by the Hero Committee after his increased strength led to the destruction of an apartment building. There weren’t any villains around to pin it on, either, and there were too many witnesses. It had also been discovered that he’d been utilizing power enhancers, which were supposed to be outlawed, in order to extend his abilities and allow him to strengthen multiple parts of his body at once.

If what Wilbur had told you in his frustrated rants was true, Schlatt wanted to take over the Syndicate. He’d attacked them numerous times, always aiming to kill, and he’d taken a particular interest in finding out Siren’s identity.

You sat up a bit, preparing yourself for whatever bullshit he was about to spew at you.

Wilbur caught onto something being wrong a few hours after you’d been taken. He had gone on a minor heist with Techno, and things ran… suspiciously well. No hero intervention for the majority of the heist, until Flame showed up towards the end. Blade handled most of the fighting for him, while Siren took care of their escape. It was when they finally escaped that he noticed something odd. He and Techno passed by your apartment, and he knew your habits well enough to know that you would not be asleep this early. Despite that, the lights in your apartment were off. A bit of searching later, and he was quick to notice your disappearance. When he arrived back home, he was quick to enlist Tubbo to see if they could get a ping on your last known location. Your phone wasn’t anywhere to be found, so he hoped he could at least figure out where you had been. Normally, he would pace to try and distract himself, but when it came to you, there was no use. He immediately headed out, trying to find any sign of you and waiting for a response from Tubbo.

“Good mornin’ sweetheart,” Schlatt chuckled, standing in front of a table in front of your chair. He had two briefcases set out in front of him, “Don’t worry. I ain’t gonna hurt you.” There was an implied ‘yet’ at the end of that sentence. You got a good look at him. He wore a pressed suit, and an airsoft mask – equipped specially with two ram horns on the sides, his signature look. His knuckles were wrapped with red athletic tape, at least you’d hoped it was originally red.

“Then what the fuck do you want with me? It’s hard to believe you aren’t going to hurt me when you kidnapped me off the street.”

“I just need a bit of information, that’s all.”

You scoffed, “Really? So you just fucking kidnap me?”

“It’s effective, is it not?” He chuckled, leaning forward, “Do you have any powers?”

You rolled your eyes, “Cut the shitty small talk. Why am I here?”

“To answer my fucking questions.”

You looked down at your arm, noting a small cuff wrapped around it, “If I tell you, will you take the stupid power dampener off?”

He snorted, “Don’t act dumb.”

“Oh, good, then I’m not telling you.” You did have a power. It was part of why Wilbur felt comfortable being around you. You were also a mind manipulator, but you couldn’t get people to actually do things for you. You could just easily see through their words and arguments. Which meant that you could get them to believe you were telling the truth as well, which would be a bloody good thing to be able to utilize right about now.

“Fine, be like that.” He held up a photo, “So, if you won’t tell me your power, maybe you’ll tell me why Siren has had such a close eye on you?” You looked at the photo closer, being able to clearly make out Siren walking you home.

“He’s just a nice dude. Wants to walk me home sometimes,” you shrugged, trying to act nonchalantly, “I don’t know much about him if that’s what you’re wondering.”

He snorted, “Yeah, like I’d believe that.” He pulled out a folder, spreading out numerous photos of you and Siren, hanging out and eating together in your apartment.

“Have you been fucking stalking me, you absolute creep?”

“Not you, but Siren. You just happened to be there. And I wanna know why.”

“What? You’re mad that a citizen can show compassion to a villain?” You scoffed, “Boo-hoo, poor Schlatt, must be such a sad life you have.”

He growled, and you grinned at how easy it was to get under his skin, even without your power. “I couldn’t give less of a shit about that. I want to know why he’s trying to recruit new Syndicate members.”

You laughed, “God, you could not have worse of a grasp on the situation. He’s just a nice guy. Came to my bookstore once, offered to walk me home, and we became friends. Is it impossible for villains to have friends?”

“Supervillains don’t have friends. Not without an agenda.”

“What about their healer? He’s a friend, isn’t he?”

“He works for them. He doesn’t count.”

“Well, I clearly don’t work for them. So just leave me alone, why don’t you?”

“Okay, I will let you go. If you tell me one thing.”

Oh, here came the stupid request. “Oh? Let me guess? You want me to tell you Siren’s real name.”

“Obviously.”

“Do you really think he’s that stupid? To let a random civilian he met know his name?”

“No. But I know you’re not just a random civilian he met. Because these photos date back years.”

You tensed a bit, trying to hide any clear facial reaction, “And?”

“And, no one who doesn’t work with him would stick around that long, unless there was something keeping them there. So, you obviously know who he is.”

“Oh, obviously?” You tried to will down the blush on your cheeks. “Is it really that obvious? You don’t know anything about me, and you clearly don’t know anything about Siren.”

“So tell me what I don’t know.”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m not falling for that, dipshit. If you want information on Siren, you’ve got the wrong person.”

“Yeah, except that can’t be true. I know you have a power you’ve been hiding, and we know that Siren has spent a highly significant amount of time with you, longer than he ever did their healer. And, we have photos of you with him and other Syndicate members at your apartment. So we know you know his identity. But we can figure out other ways to make you talk.”

“Wow, so you’re adding misuse of power against a civilian to your list of crimes? That combined with the kidnapping, not to mention the murder and the numerous times you’ve hurt civilians and destroyed their homes, oh and getting discharged as a Hero?”

That got under his skin, “I have no problem adding torture onto that list.”

“So much for being a hero then.”

His fists curled up, and he slammed it down on the table, “ex-hero, for a reason.” He walked closer, crouching down to be eye-level with you. “So then, you’re really trying to tell me that the numerous dates you’ve gone on with Siren just don’t mean anything?”

“We- They weren’t dates!” Your face flushed dark red, “We’re just friends!” You blatantly tried to ignore the fact that you’d been in love with him for years.

“Your face is telling a different story,” he smirked, “Is he hot under the mask? Or maybe you just like a man with power?”

You moved back from his hand, jaw tensing, as he tried to cup your jaw, “Hm, well, if you aren’t saying anything willingly, I can make you talk.”

He stood again, walking over to the second briefcase, opening it to where you couldn’t see the contents. You didn’t know if you wanted to. “Plus, this is all just a distraction.” He lifted your phone, turning it on, “They’ll be here soon enough. I won’t need you then, I can take down the Syndicate myself.”

A shiver went down your spine, and you prayed that Wilbur hadn’t noticed your absence.

Tubbo was able to find you pretty quickly. Just when he’d thought your phone was too far for a proper ping, he got one with an exact location that he quickly relayed to Siren. Siren was on it almost immediately, but he wasn’t going in alone. He didn’t know who took you, so he was going to be prepared. By enlisting most of the Syndicate to join him. He made it to the location first, but he knew better than to jump in early, especially since he was one of the least physical fighters. He did some surveying, though, spotting a few guards in suits. Suits were the tell of Schlatt, and he mentally cursed the team members for not getting there as fast as he’d wished. He knew Schlatt could be violent, unpredictable, and hot-headed.

The rest of the Syndicate arrived, and Nemesis and Thanatos made quick work of taking down the guards. Which meant it was time to take down Schlatt.

You’d lost track of time. Schlatt had some interesting methods for getting you to talk. Most of them involve hitting you, his ability making it easy to hurt you, if the broken nose and cut lip were anything to go by. But a lot of it was mental. Using taunting words to try and get under your skin.

“It’s going to be so funny when you’re little boyfriend comes here,” he snickered, grabbing your jaw to make you look up at him, “It’ll be even better to make you watch him die.”

He almost seemed drunk the more and more he continued, “Or, maybe, I could hurt him more. Make him watch me kill you slowly. Or,” he chuckled, but the laughter quickly turned maniacal, “I’ll let him kill you. I’ll make him use that shitty fucking voice of his to kill you.”

You snorted, and he raised an eyebrow, “Something about that funny to you?”

You looked up at him, spitting blood out of your mouth, “His voice is real nice, actually. Much better than yours.” You were playing with fire, but you needed to buy time to get him hopefully exhausted enough to give you a chance to escape.

He smacked you, a loud crack reverberating and echoing throughout the warehouse.

“You piece of shit,” he rolled his eyes, moving away from you. He grabbed a water bottle, downing half of it easily. You watched cautiously, becoming all too aware of how thirsty you were.

“What? You want some or something?” He chuckled, walking back over to you, “Be my fucking guest,” he poured the water over your head. You tilted your head back and drank some of it down. Once you’d gotten some of it in your mouth, though, you quickly realized that it was not, in fact, water but instead vodka. You coughed once you realized, spitting out as much as you could.

He laughed as you hissed in pain, the alcohol stinging the wounds he’d left. He went to throw another retort at you, but before he could, the door slammed open.

Just as Schlatt predicted, the entire Syndicate was there. You sat up, watching as Schlatt moved back to his briefcase and pull out a syringe.

“Siren, run!” You yelled, thrashing and trying to draw attention to yourself, “All of you! Run! It’s a trap-”

You weren’t able to finish your sentence as Schlatt stormed over, grabbing you by the hair. “Oh, Jesus, just shut up with your whining,” he rolled his eyes, hitting your temple harshly, sending the chair to the ground and you with it. The ground rushed up to meet you, and the darkness of unconsciousness was quick to follow.

Siren was pissed. Blade quickly began to advance on Schlatt, but Wilbur was faster. It was stupid, he knew he was being stupid to rush in like this, but he was angry. He watched as Schlatt quickly injected himself with something, some odd shimmering yellow liquid, and in seconds, his body started glowing the same yellow. Power enhancers, Wilbur’s mind supplied. He cursed, hanging back to allow Blade to hit first. Zephyrus flew overhead, getting behind Schlatt to prevent him from running. As much as Wilbur wanted to fight, he needed to make sure you were okay.

He rushed over, grabbing a knife from the table that he prayed hadn’t been used on you. The first thing he did when he approached you was check your pulse, thanking anything that would listen that your pulse was still coming through. He cut the ties easily, then he moved onto the power dampener, trying to pry the thing off. He had no clue where the key for it was, but he didn’t have time to waste looking for it. He started breaking it off when he was tugged back, Schlatt having grabbed the back of his collar. He slammed Siren against the wall, grinning at him.

“For a world-class supervillain, you’d think you’d be smarter,” he chuckled, leaning his knee against Siren’s back and pinning him there. He pushed all of his power into his knee, strengthening and solidifying the metal against Wilbur’s back. “You know how easy it was for me to track them down? You made them an easy target, Siren. You’re the reason they’re here,” he pushed his knee further into his back.

“Let me go,” Siren ordered but to no avail.

Schlatt started laughing louder, “What, you think I’m an idiot? You thought I wouldn’t prepare my mask for you?”

Fuck.

Siren didn’t have to fret much longer, though. Blade came up behind Schlatt, driving a sword through his shoulder. He’d put too much power into his knee, leaving the rest of him vulnerable.

The rest of the takedown was easy. They were planning on taking Schlatt in, hopefully, to use as a bargaining chip against the Hero Committee since he was wanted by them. Once Zephyrus had him subdued, Nemesis and Thanatos grabbed his things and started heading back. Siren lingered with Zephyrus, Jester, Blade, and Ender (who’d only shown up to help take anyone who needed healing to Apollo). Siren walked over, ripping Schlatt’s mask off.

Schlatt was still spilling curses and threats against them, but he’d quieted for a moment as Wilbur pulled his mask off, eyes adjusting to the light. Wilbur threw the mask behind him, and a sinister grin spread over his face.

“We need him alive, Siren,” Blade reminded him.

He groaned, huffing softly, “Fine.” He hummed, tilting his head.

“Claw your left eye out, then knock yourself out.”

Wilbur didn’t stay to watch the aftermath, but he heard the groans and screams of pain from Schlatt as he walked back over to you. Ender was waiting next to you, double-checking for any serious wounds.

Wilbur got the rest of the power dampener off, throwing it to the side. He carefully lifted you, making sure to be mindful of your head.

Ender gave him a concerned look, "It looks bad, but they should be okay."

“No, not should be.” Siren snapped his head towards Ender, shaking his head, “I need them to be okay. Bring us to Apollo.”

Ender nodded, placing a hand on Siren’s shoulder. In seconds, they disappeared in a flurry of purple particles, appearing now in Apollo’s clinic in the Syndicate building.

Tommy was sitting by the desk, playing on his DS. He perked up quickly when he heard Ender teleport in, looking up and seeing Siren cradling you. Siren moved forward, placing you down on the doctor’s mat in the center of the room.

Tommy quickly walked over, “Jesus, man, what the fuck happened?” He placed his hands near your head, warmth emitting over them as he began healing you.

“Schlatt happened. But he won’t be a problem anymore,” Wilbur huffed, tearing off his blindfold and coat, draping them over a chair. He paced around the room as Tommy worked on healing.

“You’re going to burn a hole in the floor,” Tommy huffed.

“I couldn’t care less, Toms. They weren’t supposed to be involved with any of this, I’ve fucked it up again, I-I put them in danger,” Wilbur ran a hand through his hair.

Tommy straightened, pulling his hands away as he finished healing, “Don’t start with your self-deprecating shit, man. They know you’re Siren. They’ve stuck around, and they always knew this could happen. You’re not to blame.”

“But I-”

“You weren’t the one who kidnapped them. It’s not your fault,” Tommy sighed, grabbing a glass of water.

Wilbur nodded, walking up to you, still unconscious, “They- they’ll be fine, right? They’ll be okay?”

Tommy took a sip of his water, nodding, “Yeah. Head injury was the worst of it, but it should be all healed up now. They might be a bit foggy when they wake up, though.”

“When will they wake up?”

Tommy shrugged, “Should be soon. Probably an hour or two. Can’t give you an exact time. You should get them somewhere more comfortable before they’re up, though.”

Wilbur nodded, carefully picking you back up, “Thanks, Tommy.”

“You don’t have to thank me, man, it’s my job.”

Wilbur rolled his eyes, “I want to thank you, dickhead. Now, go to sleep, child.”

“I am n-” Wilbur cut off Tommy’s response by closing the door to Tommy’s clinic behind him. He called Techno, and within a few minutes, Wilbur was being driven home with you still resting in his arms.

“They’re going to be fine, you know that.”

“I know they will be, but they never should’ve been there in the first place. They never asked for this.” Wilbur sighed.

“Oh, please.” Techno snorted, “You tried to scare them away way back when. You even used your ability to try and convince them to not want to be around you.”

“Yeah, but that’s not the same. They turned down the offer to join the Syndicate, which meant they never should’ve been involved with this stuff.”

“Maybe you should ask again,” Techno shrugged. “Even if they don’t want to fight, we could use someone to help out with questioning people. Their ability would work pretty well for that.”

“Techno, I just said they shouldn’t have been involved with this stuff.” Wilbur sighed.

“All I’m saying is if they do become a member, it would be a lot easier to keep them safe. Less loose ends that we can’t keep our eyes on.”

Wilbur bit his lip, nodding with realization, “True. I- yeah. I’ll ask them.”

“Plus, with how in love with them you are, it won’t be long before something like this happens again.”

“I- What?” Wilbur spluttered, eyes widening, “How-?”

“How do I know that? Wilbur, it’s insanely obvious,” Techno laughed, “I have no clue how they don’t know.”

“They won’t know. And you won’t tell them.” Wilbur hissed out.

“Mmhm, okay, sure. Pretty big wimp move for a supervillain.”

Wilbur groaned but didn’t respond past that.

The rest of the car ride was quiet, Wilbur gently playing with your hair gently. He routinely moved a hand to check your pulse, just as a reminder that you were fine and alive and here with him.

He carried you out of the car once Techno pulled up, heading straight to his room. He laid you down gently, placing your head on his lap.

The world seemed fuzzy when you came to. You were too comfortable to open your eyes at first, shifting slightly and letting out a soft groan. Your joints felt sore and stiff, but your face felt even weirder. Your face felt warm but like all of your muscles were new and had never been used before. You scrunched your nose, slowly opening your eyes and letting them get used to the environment around you.

You recognized the room instantly and relaxed as the memories started flooding back to you. The kidnapping, Schlatt, getting knocked out. You heard humming, looking up to see Wilbur leaning against the wall, humming with his eyes closed. He was fidgeting with his fingers and biting at his lip.

You slowly shifted to look up at him fully, “Hey.” Your voice was groggier than you’d expected.

He looked down quickly, “You’re up,” he smiled, “Hi.”

“Did everything go well? With Schlatt?”

He laughed, shaking his head, “God, you just woke up from getting knocked out and tortured, and the first thing you ask is if the fight went well?” He moved a hand to your hair gently, “Are you okay?”

“Well, yeah,” you shrugged, “I feel fine, just a bit tired, I guess. I feel like I’m supposed to feel worse.”

“Tommy healed you,” he supplied.

You sat up slowly, and he carefully placed a hand on your back, keeping it there until you’d gotten in a better position. “He didn’t have to do that. I would’ve been fine.”

“You would’ve had a concussion and a fracture in your skull.”

“That’s not the worst thing in the world.” You joked and gave him a lopsided grin, and he shook his head, chuckling.

He pulled you into a tight hug, “I’m so fucking glad you’re okay.”

You hugged him back, burying your face against him gently, “I would’ve been fine.”

You were lying. You were not fine, actually. As strong as you acted, you couldn’t deny the slight shake that lay in your hands as you thought about that warehouse and the overwhelming fear the image of that mask in your head put in you.

You could’ve used your ability to make Wilbur believe you. You didn’t honestly have the energy to do so.

“You don’t have to be fine,” he whispered, rubbing your back gently, “I know how terrifying it must’ve been. But it’s okay, you’re safe now.”

Your fists balled up the fabric of his sweater, and the tears started falling soon after. He rubbed your back as you cried, the waves of fear and stress finally coming out. You could only hold it together for so long, and Wilbur would always be there when you finally broke.

By the time you calmed down, you were left with soft gasps of breath and holding Wilbur like a lifeboat. He leaned over to his nightstand, handing you a glass of water. After a moment’s hesitation, he placed a gentle kiss on your forehead.

You drank slowly, not wanting to overwhelm yourself. Wilbur’s kiss didn’t exactly help, but physical affection wasn’t something new to either of you.

As if he knew exactly what you were thinking, he wrapped his arms around you gently, leaning his face against your shoulder. You leaned into his touch, letting your eyes close for a moment.

“He was stalking me. Well, he was stalking you, but he had photos from years ago of us. Of Siren walking me home. Of Blade at my apartment. Of Zephyrus in my living room.”

Wilbur tensed, keeping you a bit closer. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered, “I-I never should’ve let you get involved with the Syndicate stuff, I was so stupid to think something like this wouldn’t happen.”

“Wilbur, you never let me get involved. In fact, you were the one pushing me from getting involved. I chose this. I knew something like this could happen, and I chose to stick by you.”

“You’re not a member of the Syndicate, though. I know you can protect yourself, but I don’t want to be the reas-”

“Wilbur.” You hissed out. “If you even for a moment insist again that this is your fault, I will use my ability to make you believe that the best way to sleep is by falling out the window.” He bit his tongue from responding, nodding. “I didn’t turn down the Syndicate offer because I thought it would keep me safe.” You reached for his hand, taking it and squeezing it tightly. You didn’t know if it was your foggy mental state that made the idea of confessing your feelings so appealing or if it was just the residual fear in your system, but you didn’t care regardless.

“Why did you turn it down, then?” Wilbur asked softly.

“I turned down the Syndicate offer because I was worried about working with you.” You sighed, “It’s hard to focus around you, Wilbur.”

“Me? I don’t understand, we’ve been best friends for years, why would..?”

“That’s the problem. It’s hard to focus around you because I am constantly wishing that you would love me back.”

You held your breath once the words left your mouth. Wilbur pulled away from you, and you felt your heart drop.

“Do you mean that?” He asked softly, moving to sit in front of you.

You nodded, unable to respond further in fear of the tears resurfacing.

Wilbur reached a hand out, pausing and hesitating for a moment. He continued though, gently cupping your cheek.

“Can I kiss you?”

Your eyes widened. “Only if you mean it.”

He smiled softly, leaning forward and kissing you hard. You wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him close as you kissed him back, putting all the passion behind it that you’d wanted to for years.

When he pulled away, you rested your forehead against his, catching your breath slowly. He smiled, fingers lightly tracing your arms.

“So… about joining the Syndicate then,” you started.

He laughed, pulling away to grin at you, “You don’t have to decide anything tonight. But it would be really nice. You probably wouldn’t be on the front lines, but we’d love to have you. Plus, we’d be able to see each other a lot more.” He grinned.

You smiled, “Well, I’ll give you a formal answer in the morning. But as for an informal one, I’d fucking love it.”

He grinned, holding you close once more. You ran your hands up and down his back gently, and he hissed in pain when you reached the midpoint of his back. You pulled away.

“Will? You alright?”

He gave a thumbs up, and you smirked, “Say it out loud.”

He groaned, “I am alright. I am perfectly fine.” You could feel the pressure of his words in your head, and they almost sounded distorted. A clear lie.

“Let me see your back.” You smiled, and he groaned.

“You know how much I hate that I can’t lie to you?” He huffed, turning and pulling his sweater up.

“I know, I know,” you took a good look at his back, frowning at the dark bruise on his back, “Wilbur, you have a huge bruise. Are your ribs okay? It looks like some might be cracked.”

“They feel fine,” he shrugged. The pressure returned to your head, and this time you could feel a sensation of burning below your hands. A big lie, then.

“...I’m texting Tommy.”

“No, do not!”

You already had your phone out, texting Tommy to ask for him to come as soon as possible, both for Wilbur and so you could thank him for healing you.

“Too late,” you smiled, and Wilbur huffed, pulling his sweater back down.

He wrapped an arm around you again, kissing the top of your head, “You’re lucky I love you, Aletheia.”

“I am,” you smiled softly. There was no pressure or warm sensation. He did love you. He meant it. “Alethia? God of… truth, right?”

He nodded, “It’s Techno’s codename for you. He chose it out months ago.”

You smiled fondly, “Cool. Has a nice ring to it.”

He nodded, “I agree. And for what it’s worth, I’m lucky too.” He smiled, and you gave him a gentle kiss.

“We’re both lucky. Maybe our duo name could be Tyche.”

“Oh, god, I’m going to have to deal with so many more Greek mythology references with you in the Syndicate, aren’t I?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

#mar writes #wilbur soot #wilbur soot x reader #mcyt x reader #dsmp x reader #lovejoy #wilbur x reader #medlar :3 #siren wilbur soot #tommyinnits clinic for supervillains #siren x reader #sirenbur #siren wilbur soot x reader #clinic!wilbur #clinic wilbur soot

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subtract-me-from-your-heart · 1 year

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I like the show version of Chishiya, and here’s why.

I love manga!Chishiya, but he always felt pretty one-dimensional to me. His backstory is one of parental neglect, similar to Arisu. Chishiya basically fails to develop a sense of empathy (unlike Arisu, who just has ye olde Main Character Syndrome). He decides to enter med school because he thinks that a profession where he saves lives might actually help him grow a Give-a-Shitter. Spoiler: it doesn’t.

Manga!Chishiya is an emotional flat line. He doesn’t care about other characters because he can’t. I remember thinking that he had a lot of the same traits as a serial killer. He viewed the world through nothing but intellect, and other people were either nonexistent or pawns to be used to further his own ends. Even the idea that maybe being responsible for the lives of others will help him grow some empathy is a chilling one.

That’s cool. I actually really like those kinds of characters. I also think there are enough characters like that in the story. Characters who you look at and think, “Okay, yes, you are terrible.” The big problem is that it makes his weird self-sacrifice with Usagi absolutely senseless. Like, it came out of nowhere. There wasn't any sort of satisfying build-up where I felt like, "Okay, yeah, this makes sense."

His updated backstory adds a dimension that wasn’t present in the manga version. Rather than simply lacking empathy for other people, you can actually see the moment in which he makes the conscious decision to turn it off. He has this light bulb moment where he realizes that the world is a cruel and unfair place. He realizes that allowing himself to feel for other people is only going to hurt him in the end because he’s powerless to change the systems that are actively harming them. It's better to protect himself and survive.

Chishiya is a selfish character, but the idea that his selfishness stems out of a desire to protect himself from pain gives his character some actual depth that was always missing for me. It also makes the King of Diamonds game a lot more meaningful. Kuzuryu went through the same exact thing, but instead of turning off his feelings, he paralyzed himself with a moral dilemma. Where Chishiya chose to treat all human life as equally worthless, Kuzuryu couldn’t stop looking for some value to assign, whether that was to ease his conscience or to inform a sense of justice he was desperately trying to find.

I really, really like how that dichotomy played out.

I also think it's interesting that Chishiya feels a lot more psychological in the show. He's clearly highly intelligent in both the manga and the show, and maybe it's just Murakami's performance, but there's something more sinister to him. He's clearly developed some sort of friendly relationship with Kuina. He displays an ability to be playful and seems to genuinely be extending an offer of friendship to Arisu (up until he sells him out for one corn chip). Seeing how he can make these connections that feel genuine to the people involved (unlike his manga self who is pretty universally despised) and still be willing to fuck those people over for his own survival makes him feel a lot more menacing to me.

This ability to flawlessly manipulate and betray also means he has a deep understanding of human emotion, which is illogical by nature. In the manga, Chishiya says outright that he isn't suited for Hearts games, but show!Chishiya feels tailor-made for them.

It's also interesting that in the manga, he seems to get harsher and more isolated. By contrast, in the show, he feels to me like he softens episode by episode. It really struck me in the Jack of Hearts game when he said something about his partner dying because he was too kind. On the surface, you could take it as a typical judgy Chishiya comment, but there actually appeared to be a glimmer of sadness, or envy, or regret. Or all of the above. Or maybe it's just Murakami Nijiro's face that made me think that. Either way, I think it was smart of the showrunners to throw him in that game.

In the end, the King of Diamonds game pushes him to the realization that he really is envious of people who have the ability to be kind. He's envious of people who can make the selfless choice. And it's not because he can't be. It's because he's closed himself off to the vulnerability that allows a person to make that kind of decision. You can't truly save others if you're always protecting yourself.

So, he saves Usagi to try to become that person. And I don't feel it was out of character at all.

#alice in borderland #sky in the borderland #chishiya shuntaro #you all can take this with a grain of salt #i spend too much time thinking about him lmfao

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k-hippie · 6 months

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BIG NOVEMBER THINGS & STUFF ... PART 1 ( K-505 UPDATE )

Hello fellows, be prepared to read, it's going to be a bit long :D

Hope you had a great Halloween ;) Some of you have noticed related download problems on our website ( We received a lot of messages about --> Thanks to all people who took time to send us a note about, it helped us )

We worked with BlueHost to reconfigure our databases <--- meaning hours with the hotline to push them hard to repair their unknown manipulations that give all the errors you encountered :/ Silly isn't it ?

It begins to be ok ... Not sure it's 100% but many errors seem to be repaired ... at last ! Crazy week indeed :)

MEANWHILE ...

MAJOR UPDATE incoming ... I finished the K-505 Base-game update <-- this is important because many things are encapsulated inside the Base-game files ! Unfortunately, Maxis modified some of these files and we were quite surprised to discover all the hidden changes ... A K-505 MAJOR UPDATE was so needed :) And it is done.

Beyond the files here and there, the most important thing of this update is the merge of Base-game + Seasons files all together.

In addition, we made complete K-505 updates for : Stranger Ville, Forgotten Hollow + a minor update for Sulani ( Island Living ) ...

ATTENTION : As we currently updating ALL the K-505, we re-arranged the Download Section ( a good thing anyway since BlueHost messed our databases ... :/ )

A word about the K-505 Mod ---> until Cottage Living : free doesn't mean free to steal, or use in house creation, photography posts, etc ... without crediting the tech-hippie / k-hippie team ...

We are watching. Always.

Another word related to terrains mods ---> after Cottage Living ... Even if we posted some words about, we receive numerous messages asking us to make this and that. It's OK. But let's be clear about :

We are not fond of the last 2/3/4 packs of EA for reasons of our own ...

We really though about enter in a Patreon model because we think our creations are worthing :) BUT, we dislike Patreon too for reasons of our own ...

We proposed for a long time a ko-fi/paypal volunteer system and believe me, very very very few are giving among 9000 followers. It's OK. We understand. We create too for our pleasure. BUT ...

When your priority is not ours, to make a junction, everyone should make an effort :)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You use the K-505 for a long time now ? You know how it works ;) but you are always welcome to ask questions :D

You never used the K-505 but you want to have it ? Easy, put the k-505 files into your Mods folder and that's it :) If not, ask and we'll answer ;)

The K-505 Mod ( which is not really a Mod ) overrides only the graphic files of Maxis terrains, they are just DST images in .dds and so, they can only conflict with similar ID files from elsewhere.

K-505 Updated DOWNLOAD

Next Post : Discovering together the K-303 Mod and some new downloads.

Let the pixels be free and alive :) and Have Fun !

#sims 4 #sims 4 custom content #sims 4 download #sims 4 wysiwyg #sims 4 build #k-hippie talk #k hippie #ts4 #k 505 #sims 4 mod update #sims 4 update #override #terrain replacement #sims 4 terrain #tech hippie #sims4 wysiwyg

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sunderwight · 7 months

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I keep seeing people argue that Aziraphale is "intelligent" or "not a fool" and that this means he can't possibly have fallen for the Metatron's blatant manipulation tactics or still genuinely believe in Heaven's righteousness.

Setting aside the validity of various theories (most of which I at least find interesting, if not outright compelling!) I think there's an issue here, which is that intelligence doesn't protect you from cult-like thinking. Especially not when you've been more or less born and raised in the environment.

In fact, what intelligence tends to do to people who have been indoctrinated into cults (and a cult is exactly what GO Heaven operates like) is give you even more tools for justifying or thinking your way around the contradictions of the cults actions vs message.

We even see Aziraphale do this, several times!

In fact, at the end of S1 doing this is part of what helps save the day. When he points out that Heaven can't know that they aren't defying God's ineffable plan while trying to follow the Great Plan, he's not just talking them into standing down, he's giving them an out. Because the whole Armageddon thing has already gone to shit and cannot proceed without Adam's cooperation, what they're really dealing with at that point is getting Heaven and Hell to accept that without retaliating. Even when Satan shows up it's because he's pissed, not because doomsday is still on.

Aziraphale uses the cult's own logic to give Heaven (and Hell) a plausible reason to back down without completely losing face. They don't have to admit that they were wrong, they can just file everything under "ineffability". Aziraphale pulls this off so well in part because he's been doing this to himself for millennia.

When he doesn't understand or really approve of the Flood, he files it under "ineffability". God has a plan but it's too complex and beyond even angelic comprehension to understand, so there must be a good reason for the Flood, it's just that Aziraphale can't see it. When he sees Heaven being complicit in Job's suffering and the potential murder of his children, he reconciles it by deciding that what God really wants is for him and Bildad to secretly stop it. But he flounders on that later, because to some extent I think he knows that this reasoning is self-serving.

(Knowing it's self-serving doesn't refute it, though, it just means that he worries about that until he talks himself into a bunch of reasons why it's still probably true.)

In S1, when Crowley broaches the subject of the apocalypse, Aziraphale's initial response is to recite the propaganda. It's all going to go according to plan, and it will all be great! When that doesn't work (because of course it won't be great, he's going to end up losing his true home and the person he loves most if this all goes down no matter who wins), he lets Crowley help talk him into how he could thwart the plan without "really" betraying his concept of God.

Basically, if Aziraphale's values come into conflict with Heaven, he decides that God secretly agrees with him. It's very like people who find their values coming into conflict with the institution of their church or temple, and so decide that there's nothing wrong with their actual religion, it's all just normal human corruption (or in GO's case, angelic corruption) muddying the waters of an otherwise purely good thing.

Now in real life of course this gets to be a thorny issue, but keeping it simple there isn't really a total separation between a faith and its institutions. You can't claim that there's nothing in the religion that lends itself to bad takes, just like you also can't claim that any ideology or belief system is invulnerable to corruption. Likewise, even if every bad thing in GO were to turn out to be the fault of Heaven and Hell and not God, God would still be accountable for a lot of the situation because God still set the stage.

But what matters for Good Omens and Aziraphale and this post is that, Aziraphale has put considerable mental energy into justifying how God and Heaven can still be Good and Right even as both of them do things he finds intolerable. Whether it's "God secretly wants me to do what I think is right instead of what I'm being told" or "Heaven has earnestly misinterpreted the will of God due to not knowing as much as I do", he puts his intelligence to use in protecting himself from the kind of revelation that would uproot his worldview.

The only kind of knowledge that actually protects people from cults is the knowledge of how they operate, and awareness that you're dealing with a cult. Aziraphale has a terrible disadvantage on both fronts because even though he's spent years watching humanity get into hot water with this stuff, he does so with the firm perspective that things are different for angels. He can't necessarily apply what works for humans to himself, because he knows he's a different kind of being (and unlike with IRL cults, it's actually true in his case, though I think demons and angels are both less different from humans than they believe).

Though, interestingly, he's closer to a accepting the truth when it comes to the differences between angels and demons. In S1 he is fully confident that he could possess someone, because even though angels don't do that, demons can. Whether he admits it or not, Aziraphale really does believe that Crowley is not meaningfully different from himself in terms of personhood or ability. If he can make the leap to the idea that angels and demons are not exempt from human-oriented concepts of self-determination and free will and unfair treatment by authority, and reconcile it with his own intense distress at challenging a core belief, then the fact that he's quick on the uptake will really start to work in his favor.

#good omens #i mean yes aziraphale is smart #yes it's also still entirely possible he's being manipulated and is making a terrible decision here #being smart on its own doesn't protect anyone from high control groups #you have to be willing to entertain the idea that the group is a bad thing at bare minimum #and aziraphale was basically born into it which makes it even harder for him

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victoriadallonfan · 2 months

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I don't agree with a lot of Sanderson's politics - and they aren't, in fact, based in Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints doctrine, but rather Utah culture - but it also makes me pretty uncomfortable to hear you badmouthing the church I'm part of?

I badmouth religious organizations in general, Catholic Church included (in which I was raised) because they tend to be overwhelmingly corrupt and abusive towards their own church members (and especially towards people outside of them)

Mormonism in particular is especially bad for how being part of the church requires “tithings” from paychecks plus their treatment of women, minorities, and even men in ways that are almost so explicitly manipulative and cultish that it feels like it comes out of parody.

(For example, I simply declared, “I am no longer catholic” and that was it. Done. You cannot generally do the same in LDS without incredible backlash and slander by its members)

And it’s very obvious when it shows up in fictional books by a lot of Mormon writers, because it’s so conservative that it’s a step or two behind the times.

It’s not as bad as Westeros Westboro Baptist Church or Scientology, but that’s not a high bar to clear.

If your time in the church was different, I’m happy for you, because it means you likely avoided the worst parts of their abuse.

Still, if you have the time, I’d suggest watching these videos (in no particular order):

Why I Left Mormonism - Video covering the creation of the channel “Cults to Consciousness” and her abusive home life under the church

The BITE Model - Simple PowerPoint explaining the reoccurring factors of cults

Ex-Mormon Cast Reacts to Mormon Debates -Cast of ex-Mormon members react to a Mormon debate and highlight various lies and falsehoods presented, as well talk about teachings/history Mormon Church does not want revealed publicly

How the Mormon Church ‘Help Line’ Hid Child Abuse - Exactly what it says. Survivors speak out and the church has done nothing for them or worse.

If you don’t want to watch these videos, if you can’t stomach the testimonies, ask yourself and others these questions:

- How often are you allowed to preach about Heavenly Mother?

- How often do you see women in power within the church, as in, deciding doctrine and not just playing piano or making food for the men?

- How often do you see minorities in power within the church, as in, deciding doctrine or being treated as a token?

- How often does your church talk about the incredibly high suicide rates for children and how it’s associated with its practices?

- How come when a racist, anti-Semitic, misogynistic etc Prophet speaks its “the word of God” and doctrine, but then another Prophet can simply claim it was mere “policy”. Was ‘God’ lying to the prophets? Were the prophets lying about God? How can you trust what is their words and what is God?

- How come the church hid $30 Billion dollars from the public and even its own lower members?

- How come the founder lied about what was on the Egyptian papyrus, claiming it was a translation from God, but people who can actually read Egyptian pointed out he was lying?

- How come you get treated differently for asking these supposedly easy to answer questions?

I do not go after Brandon or you because you happen to be religious. I think belief in a higher power is one’s own choice and prerogative.

I instead care far more about the religious system that is using well-intended people like pawns for goals that pretty much boil down to money and power.

#rant #religion #cw: religious trauma #religious trauma #mormonism #Mormon #church of latter day saints #lds church #cults to consciousness #ex mormon #ex Mormon podcast #brandon sanderson #utah

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datesinredink · 1 month

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Yan turtles (rottmnt) with an m/c that’s allergic to reptiles/turtles? Idk I just think it would be funny (not Donnie trying to get m/c into getting injections to help the allergy-)

ANON I AM SO SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BCIRBIFUNUIEH

Super duper sorry i ended up procrastinating really hard and i guess god took issue with that because he struck me down with multiple QAs and a Feelings crisis but the tests are over and I finally managed to sit down and finish Raph's part- seriously i struggled with him and mikey a lot but i guess it was kinda worth it in the end because Raph has an entire 110 more words to his part than the other three- hopefully it makes up for my lack of knowledge of his character. Enjoy!

Donnie

“My inspiration for this device was simplicity-”

Yeah you’re getting a hazmat suit until your allergies either magically disappear or he figures out some other solution

You’ll probably have to do a lot of tests, including possibly a blood draw but I’m no medical expert- since I headcanon Leo to be the medic he’ll probably end up helping too

After he finally puts the pieces together, he’ll start working with Leo to engineer a medicine to help suppress your allergic reaction, and maybe even be able to get rid of it entirely

Also anon you’re very right, you may be subjected to becoming the human pincushion of allergy shots while he figures it out. It’s safe. No it won’t kill you. Yes he made sure. Just, uh, maybe don’t ask your best friend their opinion on needles for a while….

In the meantime, he completely hates the current situation. He finally meets someone that he’s (mostly) fine with touching him, and they CAN’T TOUCH HIM without a HAZMAT SUIT. Just the worst. Awful times.

Normally, he’d have you around almost always, but, unfortunately, that’s currently not ideal.

Starts trying to keep things extra clean around the lair for you. Also everything that can be sanitized is sanitized. Good luck in the cleanliness prison after you get kidnapped later on.

The best about keeping distance, since he already wasn't super touchy before this whole situation. While he might tap you on the arm or something once or twice, it's nothing serious and you won't have a problem with him on that front.

Going back to the hazmat suit real quick, while it does do its job well, it's definitely not the most comfortable thing to wear, and you'll probably end up getting too hot pretty quick, so chances are you won't willingly be wearing it all too often. Donnie may occasionally force you to wear it, but otherwise you (usually) just... don't have to.

Leo

He’s the one who finds out you’re allergic. It was an accident he SWEARS. He only wanted to give you a pat on the arm when April first introduced you to them! How could he have known you’d get hives where he touched you?

At least he knows how to treat it. He managed to guide April through treating it, after which he sulked while rereading some Jupiter Jim comics.

Has a personal grudge against your immune system for daring to make you allergic to him. How dare your cells get mad about him.

When Donnie tells him that he might have “a fix, bro”, Leo jumps at the opportunity- oh thank god, he can finally hug you!

…Doesn’t mean he’s not super bad at focusing on actually working on it. Don’t worry, he’ll fix it eventually, just have a little patience.

Honestly, this is your chance to BOOK IT away from them, because none of them are as clingy as they will be after your allergies are cured/suppressed, which gives you more time to leave New York before things go from bad to worse.

Anyway, Leo’s about as clingy as he can be without physically clinging onto you for hours on end. Constantly hanging around you, like a ghost haunting their killer, except you’re not the one who kills people.

He might end up using your allergy to try and manipulate you away from his brothers. Mikey keeps forgetting to keep distance, Donnie’s suffocating and makes you wear a hazmat suit, and Raph almost treats you like a sopping wet cat that he has to take care of, so why not just stay with him?

As much as he likes to criticize Mikey for forgetting, sometimes, particularly early on, he gets a little too close, and your allergies flare up, and while he does genuinely feel kinda bad, he will exaggerate his remorse for sympathy from you. He genuinely does try and apologize for it later, and he probably portals you two somewhere nice and gets you a couple of trinkets you like or find useful.

Mikey

Absolutely heartbroken!

His love is allergic to him! This is awful!

2nd most panicked when they first find out. Is their new friend ok? Did they mess up?

If you have a low tolerance for pain/allergic reaction symptoms and cry a little he probably will too. High empathy, man…

He’s really understanding after everything’s resolved and they figure out you’re allergic to them. He tries his best to keep a fair amount of distance between you and him, but he tends to naturally be physically affectionate, so there may be a slight adjustment period. He really doesn’t mean harm though.

He occasionally tries to bring you something from the mystic city that he thinks would be safe- a small figurine, maybe a sketchbook if you also like doing art, if he manages to bargain for/steal a piece of jewelry, he’ll also give that to you.

As I mentioned before, Mikey’s pretty big on physical touch, but since that’s off limits (for now) he’ll try to show you affection in any other way he can think of

Mostly quality time. He likes to take you with him when he explores through the sewers/city to spraypaint a couple of blank walls, and he’ll probably get you to try it too, and regardless of your skill level he’ll tell you it’s great

After Donnie and Leo finish making the cure, Mikey squeezes the LIFE out of you- he doesn’t mean to practically strangle you, but he’s fairly strong and he got excited, so he does feel a little bad afterwards.

Will decorate the hazmat suit Donnie gave you if you let him. He'll put stickers on it that match his and draw fun patterns that may or may not relate to him in some way. Maybe the spots he has, or the face on his knee pads. It's pretty endearing, even if his brothers may occasionally glare at him. In Mikey's opinion, if they're really that jealous, they should add something themselves.

Raph

And the award for most paranoid goes to….

Ok but really, he’s the most overbearing about it. This probably isn’t a surprise, but it’s still something I've gotta mention.

You don’t really have to worry about Donnie making you wear the hazmat suit- he gets it, not a fun sensory experience- other than a couple stand-out occasions, but you will have to convince Raph fairly often that you’ll be fine without it.

To be fair, it’s partially because he also forgets not to touch you sometimes, and while he’s better about it than Mikey and most of the time Leo, he’s also self-aware and protective enough that he’d rather be safe than sorry.

If you’re having an allergic reaction, he’ll either get Leo/Donnie/April to help you, or go find the hazmat suit Donnie made him a while ago when Splinter got sick and then help you himself

There’s a chance he might not do great though, as he’s not always the best under pressure and tends to panic when the people he loves are hurt or in some sort of extreme situation, especially when it comes to you (seriously, he treats you like a porcelain doll), but you can be reassured that he’ll do his absolute best to make you safe and comfortable.

Feels terrible after, pampers you a lot after the ordeal. Every time, not just the first few.

If he wasn’t the one who caused it, then he’s definitely pissed at whichever of his brothers made your allergies flare up. He won’t kill them, and he won’t lose it and drop kick them into tomorrow (yet. If they ever intentionally trigger your allergies he might snap some bones) but there will be a noticeable irritation and tension for at least the next few weeks between him and them.

He’s super excited after Donnie and Leo finish the allergy shots! I personally headcanon him to be the second touchiest of the brothers (Mikey being the most touchy, of course) so there’ll be a lot more casual touch between you two after. Hugs, headpats, you get the idea. If you try to tell him to stop, he’ll be very upset, though doing his best to understand, he will try to respect your wishes.. Before going right back to it after a week tops. Sometimes he genuinely does forget, after all, he does have a fair amount on his plate, but sometimes he does intentionally wait until he thinks he can get away with it again before jumping right back to how things were before. He’ll vehemently deny it, but no matter what happens, you’ll likely never really get him to stop for an extended period of time.

#yandere rottmnt #yandere tmnt #rottmnt x reader #rottmnt leo #rottmnt raph #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt mikey #augh im so unhappy with raph and mikey's partsss #i shouldve known getting fixated on leo and donnie and forgetting about raph and mikey wouldve come back to bite me #<---- did not plan on writing fanfic when she started watching the show #sorry mikey and raph enjoyers i hope this was satisfactory #anyway i havent like #proofread this.#also none of my friends have ever watched rottmnt so im stuck with no one to check me on my characterization #pray for me

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thedivinershiddenarchive · 1 year

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the childhood best friend.

CHARACTERS ; yandere!imaginary friend!childe;tartaglia x fem!reader

SUMMARY ; It's been a while that you've last met your imaginary friend, more specifically, your childhood one. But his intentions with you are different. Now, he's changed. He's much more forceful and possesive and now he can't take in the sight of you being miserable. And he wants to fix that, but he made it much worse for you.

CONTENT ; dub-con, imaginary friends, possesiveness and jealousy, usage of "(little) dove/girlie/sweet girl/darling/sweetheart", childe can read/hear your thoughts, riding, fingering, biting and sucking, teasing, mentally-broken reader, very minor character death, a bit of gaslighting, very small implication of manipulation, praise kink, unprotected sex, vaginal sex, creampies, supernatural or is it all in your head?

masterlist | tag system | 17-, MASC-ALIGNED DNI!

“Ginger!” you cheered, running up to the ginger that was playing alone on the sandbox. The moment his eyes laid on you, he stood up quickly and sprinted towards you, hugging your figure and swinging you around with a laugh. “Dove, you’re here!”

“Of course I would be! Where else do I go when I play?” you pout and he chuckled, “Well, your other friends.”

“You mean the ones that I’ve left to travel somewhere else? Yeah right.” you puffed your cheeks, causing him to pinch them. “Hey!” you grinned and ran up to him and pinched him, causing the boy to snicker. “Can’t help it.”

“I just realized you’ve only been calling me ‘Ginger’ a lot.. I think it’s time for me to have a real name like a real person!” he lilted and you gripped your chin, thinking hard on what name you’ll give him. Hah, no wonder you haven’t given him a title, none stuck out to him and you couldn’t think of anything. “I don’t know at all…” you whine and he pouts.

“[Y/N], can you come with me? I need to buy some Ajax detergent so I can clean the house a bit.” your mother calls out from the bench, standing up and gathering her things laying on the seat and you feel your smile widened. “Ajax!” you pointed at him and you saw Ajax’s eyes glimmer.

“I’ll take it! It sounds so good!” you felt proud, even putting your hands on your hips, pleased with his given name despite getting it from a cleaning product. “[Y/N]!” your mom calls you again and you jump a bit and scurry over her, giving your hand to your friend and he takes it, walking with you towards the woman who was waiting for you with a confused face. “What is this girl into right now?”

“Don’t be scared, I’m here!” Ajax cooed as he held you close to him, you weren’t a big fan of horror movies, especially when you’re so young. Having nightmares aren’t a normal occurrence but you were thankful to have the ginger close to you so you could feel safe.

“You can open your eyes now,” you trusted his words and open them, you feel him hold your hand and lips placed on your knuckles. You leaned onto him more, his touch… Felt so real.

Your promise started here, out of the moment, you confessed that you wanted to be friends ‘til the end. That you want him to be near you and have each moment between the two of you be fun and amazing. You just didn’t know how this promise has improved your relationship with each other the older you got, you may or may not have regretted making that. You know how he likes his promises to be kept and takes them seriously.

You were about eight years old when you started making up imaginary friends, how lonely were you that you used this to cope? Now you have three more people in your jumbled mind to tolerate. Well, they aren’t that bad. They can’t hurt you in any type of way but it does stress you out more.

Now you’re a twenty year old working a dead-end job, you’ve never encountered them ever again. Even after the promise you’ve made with “Ajax” that you guys will still be connected, he hasn’t appeared, thankfully. Hell, it's been so long that you don't even know what he looks like now.

“Get these papers done by the end of your shift, [Y/N].” your co-worker demanded, dropping a stack of paperwork on your desk and leaving you with it. You let out a frustrated groan and almost slammed your fist down the table but you kept your cool.

This will take a while.

You tiredly flopped on your couch, you would’ve slept right there right now if it weren’t for something sinking on the cushion. You exasperatedly looked over your shoulder to see someone sitting on it. You immediately widened your eyes in horror, knowing that someone might have broken into your house and you quickly got up.

What you didn’t expect was a normal-looking teenage boy who looked like he just got out of bed, but the said boy looked familiar. Way too familiar. That tired grin and blue ocean eyes that showed no light whatsoever looking right at yours. “Did I disturb you, dove?”

Dove? Why did that feel like you’ve heard this before. Maybe you did but you’re just forgetful. “I’ll take that as a yes, you did have a hard time at work. Not like it’s a foreign sight to see you on your desk as you handle those pesky paperwork. Maybe that’s why you don’t have time for me anymore..” that whiney voice, how did he know all that? I mean, yeah it’s obvious that you were a minimum wage worker but literally anyone with your job can be tired of it. But what creeped you out is that out of all the employees that worked at your place, you were the one who he spied on the most.

“Who are you?” you questioned, raising your brow in suspicion. He only chuckled loudly, almost psychotically. “You still don’t remember me? Ah… When was the last time you’ve imagined me again…? Right, when your stupid crush rejected you at work and that was a year ago. Or maybe two..? Hah, even I forgot,” you sweat, his brows knitted together and his crooked smile widening, “it’s been that long, huh?”

“You didn’t tell me who you are, ginger..” you scowled, moving away, picking your phone up from your bag in case. “Ginger.” he mutters, cupping his cheek with his palm. That nickname was anything but unfamiliar.

“Is that really your name?”

“No way. Seriously, if you don’t know my name, should I just tell you?”

“Should’ve done that when we first met.”

“First met? I promise you this, [Y/N]. We’ve met a lot. And I don’t take my promises lightly.” it came out as a growl, you know better than to not piss him off but he did make you angry at first. Though that isn’t an excuse to be straight up dead right now.

“Call me Ajax, okay, little dove?” Ajax whispers when he crawls to you to get closer to your ear, his deep voice is much more clearer and it makes you shiver. And scared. Instead of hearing one voice, you hear multiple. You hear four in total, you feel unsafe, afraid.

You pushed him away but he caught your wrists in his and gave you a playful grin, “Does it ring a bell?” Indeed it does. Ajax, The one who comforted you through the harsh rejection of your co-worker, the one who played with you for so long when your friends couldn’t keep in contact with you because of you constantly moving out.

“You make a promise, you keep it. Or the ice breaks your tongue and you never lie again.” The man spoke those very specific lines from the nursery rhyme he got from TV. “And we promised to be together, be friends ‘til the end. I would’ve actually stayed if you hadn't kept me away for so long.”

He pushed you on the couch and you struggled against his hold. What is this? He was supposed to be an imaginary friend! Someone who can’t hurt you, someone who can’t hold you physically, so why can he touch you?

“Ouch, I’m hurt. You only think of me as an imaginary friend? Someone who can’t touch you like this?” he emphasizes with a knee on your clothed crotch, rubbing lightly. “I can hear your thoughts, girlie. Because I’m just a figment of your mind, so it’s interesting hearing what you have in that brain of yours.”

“Stop!” you push him, kick him, anything, but he wouldn’t budge. It looked like he wasn’t even bothered with the fight you’re trying to put in. “Why should I stop?”

You’re thinking hard, thinking of him just disappearing. To stop his rough grip on your body. Your breathing quickens when his teeth touch your neck, his tongue working on your skin and sucking on it.

You quickly went quiet when the voices in your head told you to, you didn’t know what had come to you. You didn’t know why you listened to it, you know that what you did was on command and that you no longer have control.

“Finally, you shut up. It was getting really frustrating to deal with you being noisy.” he had you on his lap, lightly grinding his tented crotch against your clothed pussy, moaning quietly as his cock slowly stimulated.

Ajax tickled your skirt before bunching it up and stroking your cunt through the fabric of your panties, you hate your body for reacting to it. You know you don’t want it, no. But your body reacts differently from what you’re thinking right now. “Aww, look how wet you got? Do you actually like this?”

“I thought you could read my thoughts, asshole. Of course I don’t.”

“Then why are you getting wet?” he murmurs, letting his fingers slip in your clothing and into your hole. “Let yourself go for me, babe.“ purring, he connects his lips into yours and drinks up your moans. You absolutely hate how good he makes you feel, even if you didn’t want this. Didn’t want to get fingered by your own imagination.

“Still thinking about that? Even if you’re lost in pleasure?”

“Shut up already..” you grunted as he curled inside of your pussy. He loves the way your nose scrunches as you try not to make too much noise to satisfy him or to let your neighbors hear. You’ll feel embarrassed when they check up on you and see you moaning at nothing.

“Like I said, let yourself go.” he emphasizes with a harsh thrust that has you gripping on his digits tight. Ajax pulls them out and forces them into your mouth to taste yourself, “Suck.” That command alone had you doing what he said. You were afraid of him going too rough on you. And he knows that.

He doesn’t mind how hard you cling onto his shoulder blades, how your teeth bit into the skin of his fingers. He only focused on how good he made you feel to even forget how much of an asshole he was.

Your breath hitches when his lengthy digits hit your throat before pulling them out of your mouth, seeing the string of saliva connected to his fingers. He takes them into his mouth and tastes your saliva mixed with your juices, letting out a satisfied moan from how good you taste.

“You think you’re ready for me, sweet thing?” he said with a hint of persistence in his tone. He must be much needier than you, most likely after the both of you became disconnected for so long.

“N-not yet.”

“Why not? You seem more than ready. Don’t tease me, now.” he pulls your collar towards him, making you fall with him. Ajax was now laying on the couch by his back while you were sitting up on his hard-on.

“Take my pants off. You better take it all once it’s inside.” he demands, a scowl appearing on his face as he sees your hesitant hands trying to unbutton his jeans. “Don’t be so slow. It’s frustrating me.”

You whimpered when his hands gripped your hips, forcing you to roll your crotch over his. He moaned quietly as he continued the procedure until you finally undo his pants. “Touch it already.”

“You’re quite demanding for someone that’s under me.”

“You wanna switch positions then? I don’t mind which way. As long as I can make you fucked out of your mind, I’ll be satisfied.”

You purse your lips, deciding to stay silent, even when he lowers his underwear and palms his length right in front of you, letting out groans of pleasure while he glances at you, begging you to touch him. The sight of his cock had you distracted, the sheer size with the veins popping out. “Are you gonna watch and look pathetic or are you gonna take it for me?”

Ajax forces himself out of his briefs and has you hovering over his cock. He lightly brushes the tip over your wet entrance, letting your juices stain his hard-on until it was dripping on his entire length. You muffled your moans through closed lips, not wanting to satisfy him further.

“You sound and taste so good, I wonder how you feel inside of me.” He grinds upwards, letting you sink into his dick with each roll of his hips. This went for a while ‘til he filled you to the brim with his member. He threw his head back while his nails marked your waist from how hard he was squeezing.

“Feels much more amazing, fuck…” his breath hitches as he sets a pace, plunging upwards that it even starts hitting your cervix from how deep he was. You hated him, even if you haven’t interacted with him for a year. Even if you get wet from his praises.

But it felt so good, he felt so fucking big that he hits inside every sweet spot. Ajax felt the same, how you clenched around him and how your breasts jiggled through the fabric of your loose shirt.

He admitted that he hated watching you from afar, looking miserable. But he hated it more when you cried over a man who didn’t deserve your affection. I mean, it was fine to reject someone but to embarrass them about it? That was what had his blood pumping in anger.

Nobody would know where his body is now nor will they know what happened to him. Now you’re wondering, how could someone get physical when they’re not real? There has to be a reason, right? A reason for how he’s touching you, holding you, and even making you feel so good.

“Mine, all mine. I'm all that you'll ever need...” he growls whilst pulling you towards him and smashing your lips on his, drinking up your gasp and whines. You know how obsessive he can be if you think back on it, jealous of how other kids try to play with you but you always get pulled back by an invisible force.

Ajax has you for himself now. But he has a deal with your other friends so he has to make every second worth it. Even if you can’t take it anymore.

You keep bouncing on his cock, taking in how good it feels with each hit. You grasp on his shoulders so tightly as he continues making sweet sounds into your mouth. “Sweet girl, you feel so good, god..” he snuggles into your pair of breasts, giving them open-mouthed kisses. His saliva dripped on the skin and bruises that he made.

Your bodies were intertwined with one another, sweat can be seen dripping on your foreheads as the both of you continued your rough sessions. “Are you close, sweetheart?”

You could only groan in response, nestling your face on his neck to find comfort in as he continues lunging inside of you. Ajax can’t let you go from how hard he’s holding your waist.

Even as you wail in pleasure and see stars, you still hide your face from him. The twitch of his hips as he empties himself inside of you and long soughs can be heard from near your ear.

You felt comfortable enough to pull out of his neck but the moment you laid your eyes on the supposed man under you, he was gone. You furrow your brows in confusion and look at the lower half of your body to still see that it hasn't changed.

What was that? I mean it was just a figment of your imagination but it felt so real to the point it can touch you… The bruises on your body were still there. You believe that this wasn’t something mental. You were too focused on your thoughts that you didn’t notice the door knocking.

You perk up and quickly wore your panties and used your skirt to hide what was under it. You looked through the peephole to see… nothing? You opened the door to see what was actually outside but you only spotted a picture of you hugging nothing. You went stiff, you could only theorize you were hugging the same ginger-haired boy but he wasn’t there.

You convinced your parents to take a picture at some point and of course, they were weirded out when no one was by your side but they played it off as some innocent childhood play that you were in.

You flipped the picture to see another one attached to it, it was you on the couch trying to push, again, nothing. It’s all invisible. If he isn’t there at all, what was touching you? Why can you feel it when in reality nothing was there?

Now this was something unexplainable but scary. Was it really in your head? You’ll have to learn more somewhere else. But you still have work from nine-to-five. So maybe you can check in the library tomorrow after your shift. Hopefully, you won't meet him again there.

#notsodivininglover ; king’s pages #childe x reader #childe smut #tartaglia x reader #tartaglia smut #genshin x reader #genshin impact smut #genshin impact x reader #genshin smut

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everything-is-crab · 7 months

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My favorite thing (/s) about Pro Israel folks and the people focusing so much on the recent Hamas attack is how great they're at spreading blatant lies.

You see them post something about what Hamas or Palestinians did to Israelis and through fact checking it's revealed it's the other way round 😂

People linking wikipedia, bbc....and other Western media links.....as their "sources"

Like wow, I didn't know you guys were this dense. Even some of the people I respected on here seem to be affected immensely by propaganda. US and other Western countries have not only supported but also funded Israel's apartheid regime and even now it's doing the same.

I was brainwashed by radfems too with their "rape is never okay". Many radfems sure do know how to manipulate you using your class consciousness as women to be blind to other oppressive systems or distort facts.

There's no proof any of the kidnapped women being raped. And yet most radfems are speaking about nothing but that. They aren't even speaking about the constant suffering and rape of Palestinian women by IDF (including many Israeli women as perpetrators).

I remember that I started reading more about this issue in 2021 when some IDF attack killed many Palestinians in a mosque. Don't remember the details well. It's been a while. And I wasn't on Tumblr then but I do remember that mainstream media did not give a shit about it. And now suddenly the anti terrorism sentiment of Pro Israel countries and even people who supposedly support Palestinians has chosen to rise again.

Very convenient timing for you.

One thing I will tell you is to remember that the conditions colonizers force on the colonized make it hard for the colonized to rely on any ideal form of resistance. Hamas is not the only group for Palestinian resistance. There are others but this is the large one today. Before there used to be better secular ones but they were all squashed cause Israel created Hamas. And there have been peaceful protests and everything. Israel killed the people who protested and the soldiers laughed when they were done. Where was this global outrage then?

Sm of relying for information on media leaning towards Israel and yet so many of you are missing this fact out. This is what colonizers always do. Read history of as many colonized countries you can. And you will find out that colonizers, while they were generally against opposition of the colonized's liberation, funded the anti-leftist, anti-communist/nationalist or religious extremists or/and the ruling class of the colonized society in their national liberation movement.

They help in squashing other more dangerous (from a colonizer's pov) national liberation movements. Nothing better than reducing your enemies to extremists. The British did that in my country too. Talked a lot about how horrible our society is but politically and economically supported the ruling class that created and perpetrated those issues. And some European women and children died in some isolated protests or riots as well during colonial era. But obviously it was nothing compared to the number of people that died on my side than the colonizers'.

So don't be surprised when people see Hamas as a necessary means or don't entirely oppose as part of Palestinian liberation. No sane person actually "supports" Hamas. But it is what is. It's Israel's own creation. Palestinians are left with no options. You're linking ngos supported or created by Israelis and other dumb shit as "an alternative". But colonization can't be won over through ngos lmao. Heck, ngos can't even actually make a lot of changes in human rights in areas that aren't war torn cause of corruption. You expect it to work for Gaza? Please

If Israel or anyone wants Hamas to stop then they should simply give up their brutal settler colonialism and not oppose any leftist org or movement formed by the Palestinians even after ending apartheid and everything. There's no other alternative except this. And if you haven't learnt your lesson yet, then don't support any "intervention" by USA or some other genocidal country.

Ik for a fact you people wouldn't support my country's decolonization if you lived back then. Cause the national liberation movement in my country was dominated by religious, anti communist and ruling class as well. And I, as a female bisexual from an oppressed caste will never ideologically support the people who led national liberation in my country. And yet ik they were necessary in the path to independence cause the British let only them have any power in the country. The two opinions can co exist.

You guys are so focused on opposing the ideology of Hamas and how they're bad for Palestinians themselves, you are forgetting Hamas is legally recognized as terrorists by many powerful Western/west-allied countries around the world and are actively funding and supporting Israel's genocide against Palestinians.

It's funny how the same people unconditionally support Ukraine in the war, including Ukraine itself. Even though US, UK, France and other countries are supporting Nazis in the Ukrainian military to fight against Russia.....

And I am not "supporting" Hamas or killing of cilivians....but I am just analyzing the history and politics behind this issue that is hugely ignored.

Radfems are reblogging that dumb addition by female-malice about an unbacked conspiracy theory about Iran,completely removing any accountability or responsibility of the states of "Israel". There's a conspiracy theory that Israel planned this attack as well. And yet I haven't see any pro Palestine leftist spread that theory presenting it as a fact rather than a speculation. Genuinely you guys are just racist and don't want to hold Israel actually accountable apart from a little side remark.

Everytime I see such false claims, misinformation, unproven conspiracy theories I check what sources the person has to provide or which sources are reporting that. And it's some damn Western news outlet every time. Every fricking time.

Ignoring what Israel PM is doing to the civilians in Gaza right now.....in favor of getting into online discourse about "so it's okay to kill/rape innocent people?" Plain evil

You do realize most of the world is revolting against that now? That powerful international forces are incentivizing this attack to commit further atrocities against civilians in Gaza? It's not a time to debate whether the attack was okay or not, it's time to speak about how the Israeli PM and rest of the world is choosing to respond to it.

I was going to write a respectfully worded post about this. But I won't. Cause I am not some extraordinary independent journalist or anything. I am not even in majoring in any social science or history subject. But it wasn't that hard for me to get around the misinformation from msm. And I am from a country that is and has been pro Israel and very great at spreading propaganda through msm.

I saw one radfem say in response to question of Palestinian women's suffering that "how are we supposed to know what's happening to them? I am not seeing any posts on my dash about it". Good to know your dumbass relies on Tumblr posts for misinformation.

I have been incredibly busy so not made any posts about this issue. But I think that's what I am going to keep reblogging and posting about for a while now. So don't hesitate to filter tags or click the unfollow button if this irritated you. Cause there's more to come.

#palestine #israel #very disappointed at one mutual who reblogged a post in support of Israeli women but just liked instead of reblogging the post I reblogged #for Palestinian women #this isn't a “war”#for a human rights crisis to be called as a “war” there must be two strong armies fighting against each other and clearly it's not the case #the more I read about radfems' views on issues that involve some other intersectional issues the more I despise them #not a surprise tho after all these are the women who think “combatting misogyny is harder than combatting racism homophobia or ableism”

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drdemonprince · 3 months

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Hi Devon,

I'm a recent grad planning to apply to psych PhD programs in the fall with the plan to pursue a career academia (despite how much I know it'll suck I've thought long and hard about it and truly don't think I would be as fulfilled doing anything else). My research experience has been in cognitive development and I keep on being drawn to questions about autism. I am Autistic myself and pretty much think the way we have historically thought about cognitive abilities in autism is garbage. I want to pursue my questions but am honestly terrified about trying to fight my way through the current status quo in autism research.

You're one of very few people I know of in the realm of academia with views on autism that I actually agree with and respect, so I would love your thoughts. Is there hope for actually Autistic individuals pursuing research into autism? Are there any researchers who you've seen building community with Autistic people and listening to Autistic voices? Do you have any advice for surviving in the field as an Autistic person?

Anything you can say to these questions would be much appreciated, thank you!

I'm the type to be brutally honest rather than uplifting and encouraging, so you know, take that into account when adjusting for the skew of my answers.

Any time a person reaches out to me seeking advice on pursuing a graduate degree in psychology of any kind, I advise them against it for the most part. The field desperately needs more research conducted by Autistic people, for Autistic people (and other neurodivergent groups) but I have never known a graduate program to be anything but extremely abusive, exploitative, ableist, and ill-suited to preparing a graduate student today for the reality of academic life as it now is. These mfers are playing by a rulebook that was tired in the 1980s and its downright detached from reality today. My graduate experience was so traumatic and disillusioning that I chose to abandon academic research or any hope of having a tenure track career altogether. Everyone that I know was either completely abused and traumatized by their advisor, or pod personed by them and transformed into exactly the kind of passive aggressive liberal manipulative ghoul that had once mistreated them. Graduate study ravaged my health and my self-concept.

Is there hope for actually Autistic individuals pursuing research into Autism? Well, there is a growing body of research by us and for us. Journals like Autism in Adulthood do give me hope, and help nourish me intellectually and improve my work.

Are there any researchers whom I've seen building community with Autistic people and listening to Autistic voices? All the ones that I've seen actually operating in practice use methods of communication and workflows that are profoundly inaccessible and harmful to us, even if they are incredibly well intentioned and open to the idea of neurodiversity. There is a lot of decent research coming out these days finally, but I don't know how all of that sausage gets made.

Do I have any advice for surviving in the field as an Autistic person? Make sure you have a very robust support system that exists completely independently from academia. Make sure you have a complete and rich life that has nothing to do with academics and do not give up even a SHRED of it, even if it means accomplishing less and taking more time while you are in school. Have hobbies, friends and loved ones you see daily, a spiritual or physical practice that helps you offload stress, vacations or little adventures within your community that renew you, and work that is applied and grounded rather than just basic/theoretical research. (especially needed if you're in cognitive psych land. shit gets so fuckin abstact and divorced from reality).

Read a lot of fiction or practice some art or do something creative that has nothing to do with your graduate studies. Do not sign up for meaningless committees. Poster presentations do not matter and don't help your CV much at all. Most committees don't either. Read the book The Professor Is In and the blog that goes along with it religiously. Do not trust your advisor. Do not expect your dissertation to be perfect and do not make it your most ambitious project, focus on making it something you can get done quickly that is just "good enough." Cultivate skills that will be useful outside of academia. Do not assume you will ever get an academic job. Read the statistics on how many PhDs there are relative to how many professorships. Speak to people who work outside of academia who have the credentials you are getting. Know how to market yourself and get a job outside of academia if you have to -- consulting especially may be a good fit if you are Autistic and not suited for a 9 to 5 in an office.

Grill any potential advisor at any program you are considered for, hard. if they are defensive being asked questions about their working style, their leadership style, their former students, etc, that means they do not like ever being challenged and that is a red flag. Ask to speak to *FORMER* students. Not current ones. Current ones will not feel safe being honest. Ask for job placement data for graduates of their lab. Look up reviews. Do not pay for graduate school, only apply to fully funded programs otherwise they are scamming you. Remember you can leave at any time. good luck.

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yourmothersmooom · 1 month

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Just a quick message on someone who used to be in the Hazbin Rewrite server.

If you can vaguepost about me I can vaguepost about you too. Except its not gonna be vague because I'm going to say your fucking name. I'm not sugarcoating anything.

Wannursyafiqah74, leave me, my friends, and the Hazbin Rewrite server alone. We want NOTHING to do with you and your manipulation tactics and obsessive behaviour.

Just because I haven't been as "mean" about the situation doesn't mean I'm any less angry. I don't want to talk to you. Move. The fuck. On.

You've treated Neon and their system HORRIBLY throughout all of this, constantly bringing up things that they SAID. MULTIPLE. TIMES. Triggered them. You threatened suicide if they didnt help you. You constantly mentioned SA and abuse. You'd go to channels Neon was chatting in just to mention these things. And you never stopped, even when we threatened MULTIPLE TIMES to leave if it carried on. But you still did it! Why? I dont know! But it lead to us not wanting to associate with you anymore! Then when you left our friend server to move on and "improve", you just started doing the same shit in a completely unrelated Hazbin Rewrite server filled with minors who aren't equipped to help you with your personal problems!

I sent you that message weeks ago in hopes of you actually following through. I kept you unblocked with hopes that you wouldn't betray my trust like you had so many times by breaking your promise to cease contact.

This should have been the end of it. But you did it again. You didnt even apologise, you just went straight to asking if you could post art in our server! And even AFTER admitting it was stupid, you sent me another god damn friend request on discord. (Yep, friend requests show what time they were sent now!) So I blocked you. You've broken the last inch of trust I gave you.

We can't forgive you for the scars you've left us and ESPECIALLY Neon's system.

Im not playing quiet mouse anymore. I'm sick of this shit and I just want to be left alone. So do Al, Neon's system, and the Rewrite Server. Stop using me as a tool to get back into servers. I'm not falling for it anymore.

Tagging vivziepop critical tags as a lot of the Hazbin Rewrite members reside there. They can add on if they please with evidence, screenshots, etc. Love y'all, /platonic, I hope you're able to recover from all of this.

#Wannursyafiqah74 #Vent #Callout #Vivziepop critical #Vivziepop criticism #Hazbin hotel critique #Hazbin hotel critical #Anti vivziepop

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cafeleningrad · 5 months

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The shadow presence of adults an family in Utena

Currently I try to clear up some convoluted ideas about childhood innocence to agency through social indoctrination depicted in Utena.

Obviously the most present indoctrination happens by Akio's hands, and his extension the form of the panoptic, omnipresent, ever-acting system of Ohtori academy. But I did catch myself by the mistake to assume every child/teenage character in Utena is solely influenced by Akio. In fact sometimes adults do appear sparsely throughout the show, and it's always relevant. Like the guidance counselor as signal for the reinforcement of social rules, or Tokiko contrasting Akio. The characters enter the school already with knowledge of fairy tale structure (Wakaba's mother telling her tales of the Onion prince), Miki disdains his sister on sexist premises way before he's manipulated into dueling, Nanami already used violence on others to secure Touga's attention before she entered school. It can be argued that the world outside the school ground, the city we see in the background is an extension of Ohotori too. Thinking then how parents already primed their children already when they arrive at Ohtori, and how important the death of Utena's parents is to her, I do think the families of the characters are much more relevant to than the visual narrative of obscuring their faces lets on. ...or: I found a niche, and now I have wild theories. (This is definitely a very speculative post, my mind went on a slippery slope of theories.) Content warning for discussions and mentions of: Child abuse, death, manipulation, grooming, sexism in general.

I. Why do we barely see the face of so many adults? (If I claim that they're relevant?) First, Utena is, among many other themes, a story about maturing and leaving behind a lot of rules and ideals that hold people back from becoming a person. Most characters are aged from early to late teens. Highly relevant to the themes of Utena, this is a period of self discovery, detachment from previously installed beliefs, and discovering the possibilities of the the world. Although the latter points are halted by Ohotori and Akio. In that way it makes sense that the characters think more about themselves as independent with parents more on the sidelines. Further, only very few characters realize fully that they're part of a cyclical system, and are unknowingly but actively hindered to come to that realization. In that sense, it's not far off that they would blend out elements they themselves not consider relevant. Meaning, they wouldn't realize how formative their previous family life is to them but they get a new, aspirational role model of another adult.

Second, Ohtori as place with it's own logic runs by Akio's narrative. He's the one who chooses important characters, sets up important rituals with Anthy's help, and manipulates them to take on a certain journey - if they want to take it or not. For Akio it is vital that he imposes himself as the most present most visible adult in the life of Ohtori students. (Note: Either himself or Ohtori as systematic extension of his.) He wants to be the aspiration so everyone emulates the rules and behaviors he wants people to emulate. The only other adult with more screentime, clear personality, and visible face is Tokiko who is many ways Akio's counterpart. Although she,sadly, never interacts with any students at Ohtori during her visit. Side note: Akio often avoids being seen the direct instigator of events. Either Ohtori staff, social rules, and social life reinforce his ruling, her he manipulated others so much they act by his playbook. It also leaves his image untarnished. Touga is Akio's proxy on campus. Groomed to imitate Akio, Touga taunts others, especially men to imitate the idealized image of manhood. Close to graduation age, already using a lot of signifiers of grown up masculinity such as promiscuity, using a motocycle (but with a helmet) as approximation to a car, Touga is the entry level to emulation although Akio has the last word on how a person should finally act. II. Other visible adults a) Campus staff The only few adults with a face are campus staff. Namely the guidance counselor, her male colleague, and the music teacher. The former two exist to enforce Campus rules on the students. Either responsibilities for school prestige, or the dresscode. (The music teacher is a bit of an outlier at he's more of a point to Miki's and Kozue's contrast, Miki being allowed innocence whereas Kozue is not receiving any protection, but I would note that he abuses his position of trust for attempts to abuse Miki.) In every case it's save to say that they're all roped into Akio's direction.

b) Chida Tokiko Boy, I love Tokiko. In her short presence she carries the entire weight of the meaning of the Black Rose arc. She's also in juxtaposition to Akio. Also, she pretty. Alright, first who is Tokiko? Tokiko was Chida Mamiya's big sister who lead an entire research project at Ohtori Academy to save her little brother's life. She came in with abstract ideals to simply keep things in a never ending stage (stressed by her disliking to see flowers wilt) which Nemuro rightfully calls out as perpetual motions machine. In spite of her best interests, her project was hijacked and used by Akio to install a duel occasion for 100 male duelists. Her project ended in tragedy. Mamiya died anyway, over his anger Nemuro killed 100 students. Directly or indirectly, Tokiko being roped in with Akio's ideals did lead to high count of human loss, and her ideals failing anyway. Unlike Akio, Tokiko left Ohtori though. She visibly is marked by the events, has regrets, and misses her brother. On the occasion to visit his grave, she does return to Ohtori. However, with all regrets and sadness, Tokiko faced the tragedy and moved on. By seeing Nemuro, now Mikage, Tokiko comes to absolute certainty that eternity means a lack of progress for everyone. Given the fact that Tokiko could face a great deal of loss and tragedy, partly by her responsibility but still decides to leave and not to stay Ohtori, she is very much in contrast to Akio. Akio can't face his loss of ideal and "innocence". In fact he never reflects upon himself but artificially hinders everyone on campus to progress as people. Nemuro even gets punished by having his memories conversed to heterosexual interest towards Tokiko, in order to fit into Ohtori's narrative. Tokiko who has gained maturity, and accepted her loss is the kind of adult Akio should be but can't be because he clings on childish ideas which in practice keep everyone locked in misery. If the students ever interacted with a different example of an adult, they might not find a fancy role model but one which is far wiser than Akio. It's sad that the only alternative to adulthood never gets to interact with any of the students (even though that's kinda the point). The one who would have needed to speak to her the most to deconstruct is self-delusion and accept loss, doesn't recognize her anymore. Side note: Mikage is the student interacting with most adults. In the past it was Tokiko. In the present there're adults around him due to his academic importance, officials who ask for academic support, or his secretary. But notably we never see their faces, only hear their voices. All these faceless adults speak negatively about him, and ignoring the fact that in spite of his intellectual brilliance, and introverted nature, he's still very much a teenager who does have the inner life of a teenager. Considering that Mikage can't move on from his state of teenagehood, I speculate that Mikage doesn't pay attention to the age group, state even?, he can't become. Mikage doesn't even recognize Tokiko anymore. III. Relevant family lives So I mentioned in the introduction how the parents already send their children to school with preconceptions of social rules and dynamic. Some characters like Juri don't mention parents but siblings. I do think they're also relevant in the way the characters are able to understand affection. Families are not the only but still a highly relevant structure within children pick up on life philosophies, social rules, and especially expressions of affection.

a) Utena's dead parents I'd seen some speculations going around who Utena's parents might be but I don't think parentage is relevant. Thematically Utena is about liberation of harmful systems as well as modes of thinking. In Penguindrum, Ikuhara explores how certain families can shape us in much deeper manner. In Utena systematic imprints are much more abstract. That sounds a bit contradictory, so let me rephrase it: It doesn't matter who exactly Utena's parents are, however the fact that they're dead is highly relevant to her. The manga does reference Utena growing up at an aunt but more or less Utena is orphaned at an young age. This leads her to have idealized ideas of family, leaving her with a lack of experience to judge boundaries. By example, Utena might not like Touga but she misreads his acts of heroism, akin to her prince-ideals, as affection of an older brother. Or she's not weirded out by Akio accelerating their relationship from "friend of my little sister" to "you are like family". In general, Utena's lack of familial experience leaves her with a lack of knowledge what different forms of affection look like. Granted, Utena is 14 years old, and not the most senstive person still I noticed how often Utena is unable to formulate her exact feelings towards others. The friendship with Wakaba because in Utena's clear cut mindset girls who are close are friends (as Ohtori doesn't an offer another model how women could be close to each other) even though Wakaba having an earnest crush on Utena isn't unlikely. Apart from the fact that Ohtori is a forcibly hetero normative place, Utena is extremely confused by her feelings for Akio and Touga, but also for Anthy. She's getting manipulated to play act romance with these two men. But she also can't read others very well. At first she doesn't realize the animosity between the Karou twins, she doesn't take Nanami's outright rage towards her seriously until Nanami's duell goes overboard, she misreads the "friendship" between Juri and Shiori. Utena's only guidance in life is the prince ideal. For one it is the closest Utena has a model for agency but also as model for being loved and admired. Utena is entirely on her own to evaluate relationships.

b) The Kaoru divorce The Karou twins are in my eyes an easing introduction in themes of misogynistic treatment, and perversion of male-female dynamics leading to incest, but they're also the youngest in the cast. (Except Tsuwabuki, of course.) First we assume that their estrangement stems from Miki slutshaming Kozue, which is definitely at play but their estranged familial connection has another source. We only learn very late about the Karou parents getting separated, leaving their children behind. Both children are lost, symbolized by building up a birdbox for abandoned bird babies. Their family is falling apart. They need each other more than ever but have so much difficulty communicating with each other. Ohtori as a place reinforces the idea of a girls scoial inferiority, everyhting a girl does is getting evaluated and judged, it drives the wedge between Miki and Kozue even further. However, the twins learnt a gendered perspective by their parents. In the flashback of the the piano recital, Miki's allowed to rest and stay away from the recital. Kozue was unwell, crying, anxious, desperate to not play but her wellbeing is disregarded. During their parents separation the cause is father Kaoru leaving his family for another woman on his own beheast. The twins don't blame their own mother but approach their father differently. Both are angry at the adults in their life, Miki even states that his life is dictated by adults. Kozue absolutely disregards their father's letter. But Miki, praised for his maturity, states way too understanding phrases to his father on the phone. Miki also projects on idolized Anthy on his soon-to-be-stepmother. Who wouldn't leave everything behind for the ideal woman, in Miki's logic? Miki can only be this "mature" (actually, asked to not cause an authority figure any trouble) by trying to rationalize why he shouldn't be angry at his father.

c) Juri's nameless sister Even later than the Kaoru twin's family situation, we learn only in the final episode about Juri having a sister. In Juri's story, the sister almost drowned but a boy tries to save her, only to drown himself. For all heroism, Juri forgot his name. Later in Adolescence we learn that Juri was actually the one drowning, and Touga drowned for her sake. That might leave the existence of Juri's sister in a speculative realm. If we were to take it seriously, I would have some theories what the existence of a sister would mean to Juri. A sister is a very close relative. In this proximity Touga's death would still be close enough to Juri's experience but not close enough to herself. It's highly speculative if this falsification of memory is artificially altered by Akio to have Touga walking around not be suspicious, or, which I consider more likely, it's Juri's response to distance herself from the guilt for Touga's death. It wasn't her fault he died but she was the motivation behind his passing. Forgetting his name, having another person between herself and Touga could distance Juri from the tragedy. With Utena I noted, how Utena with the lack of any previous close conenction is unable to recognize, even less so name the nature of relationships she has. If Juri's sister exist that would mean that Juri is familiar with a close relationship to another woman which is not her mother. In that sense, she would know how a familial closeness feels like, and not name it by the next best thing. Therefore, she's able, unlike Utena, to recognize exactly that her affection for Shiori is of romantic nature. d) Does Saionji have a family? The text mentions nothing of that sort, everything else would be pure speculation. From Saionji's memories his biggest issue in childhood was the growing distance to Touga, and the worries about the little girl in the coffin (oh boy, did Ohtori lead you down the wrong path...) otherwise nothing else of note. For one reason or another, Saionji can't go anywhere after getting expelled. Why he can't return to a home is up for speculation. His parents kicked him out? He's too ashamed? He has no parents? Any guess is as good as mine. But considering that Saionji mentions no formative character in his life, no parents no siblings, I am led to believe that the lack of reference is for Saionji, like Utena a cause for him to have trouble to keep his distance from proximity being baited to him. Since his only relationship in his past seems to have been Touga, the only reference of connection is friendship. What once might have been healthy is an idea Touga taunts and uses against Saionji.

e) Did you hear about the Kiryuu's? Oh boy, this house is a nest of snakes. It's only in Adolescence we get a full picture of all the abuse that went down in this household but the impressions we get in the show are already horrific enough.

We learn that Touga and Nanami, related by blood siblings, got adopted into the family. Nanami is too young to remember, however that feeling that subconcious knowledge of not fititng right in seems to linger in the back of Nanami's mind: Nanami is in constant fear of ostracization, she projects all that of performing to peak social performance, by looks, by reinforcing social status by putting up schemes to sabotage others or literally beat others into submission, dressing in praised brand fashion, and making very clear that she's in no way like that shunned weirdo Anthy. She could never be that weird, laying eggs is totally normal, right?! In the instance Nanami does remember her parents, she remembers being shamed for being inadequate, especially by being genuinely herself gifting a kitten to Touga. She's also constantly alone, except for Touga. In an environment where Nanami is demanded to always correspond to the norm, facing scrutiny, letting her grow up isolated, it makes a lot of sense why Nanami would attach herself to the only person showing her kindness, her older brother. Nanami's only model of reference to to and being loved is a sibling dynamic, hence her fixation on Touga. It also means, Nanami wouldn't know any other model of affection except for this one, actually. Paired with her constant need to be the heart of the masses to proove total adaptation, Nanami can't let anyone get close to her because of her singular outstanding status, and she wouldn't also know how. Any concern of Utena about her, Tsuwabuki expressing in child-typical honesty that he wants to be close to her, are either met with anger or used for her own gain (something she probably picked up from Touga, too).

Touga's place in the family is the most brutal. He was sold by his birth parents for the explicit purpose to be abused. The fact that we do see see the adoptive's father's face in Adolescence leads me to theorize about Touga having a too clear, unshakable memory from his childhood trauma. (Sidenote: Hair in relation to emotional state is sometimes brought up with characters, long flowing hair standing for a person being free of restraint. In memories about Touga by people who idealize him, namely other boys like Miki, Tsuwabuki, and especially homeboy Saionji, touga has long hair. But Nanami who has less cheerful childhood memories remembers her brother with short hair. In his own memories Touga remembers himself having shoulder length hair because his adoptive father demanded him growing longer hair. Nanami and Touga's way less idealized recollections are much closer to the truth.) Touga's childhood was entirely shattered, and severed so many genuine bonds of those who loved him. It's very difficult to not not feel sympathy for Touga even at his worst sabotaging his relationships because at a very young age, what should've been the safest relationship, a caring family, has been utterly destroyed for him. To say, him being disillusioned and distrusting of proclamations of honesty is comprehensible. (Since this post branched off on thoughts I had on gaining agency within a indoctrinating system, Tougs acting fully concious whereas also blind towards his motivations is a point I can't help talking about again and again.) Touga is a very central figure in luring in other students into the idea of princehood, while also getting lost in it, so understanding why he adheres to a system that promises power of everyone else is highly relevant understanding why the system is so successful at perpetuating itself in it's own confines.

In conclusion: For both siblings, their parents were a big source of trauma. If not the formative trauma to prime the kids ideally for Ohtori's pathway into doom. Nanami is so afraid of being other-ed that she would do anything to be part of the crowd. On the flipside by fully adapting to it she's deeply afraid to question conventions, highlighted by the Cowbell of Happiness. Touga is so scared and angry for having been used, he would always try to control others so none can control him, he sees no way out of his misery.

f) Throwawaylines in the Himemiya household - non-relevant observation Probably not too relevant to the actual dynamic between Anthy and Akio, but there's this one line Anthy drops and never picks up again. it does drive me slightly insane. Anthy mentions that Akio does remind her of their father. Nothing conclusive of their obscure family life but I have speculated before how Dios died for an ideal externally imposed on him. This is not a relevant point at all, it's not even a point. But I wanted to bring that up because having no better reference for an alternative way would explain a lot with Anthy and Akio.

g) The Ohtori family So far we did have two terrible fathers, why not go with a terrible mother then? Alright, in the case of the Kiryuus', the mother is implied to be part of Nanami's trauma, Kanae's engagement is arranged by both parents. Only Mrs. Ohotori is the only present parent in the sense we see a vague figure, and a cut-off face. For a supposefdly prestigeous school the family supposedly run, it's also clear how under their name, terrible social practice part of the life at the school. They themselves arrange a marriage for their daughter right after their graduation. And Mrs. Ohtori sleep's with her daughter's fiancée. I feel inclined to not protect Mrs. Ohtori to get involved with Akio. Akio chooses his victims to be in many ways weaker than him. He chooses underage girls, namely neither Anthy not Utena have a family or any other social safety net. And Kanae's parents obviously wholeheartedly agree of her engagement with Akio, so Kanae can't voice doubts. (Or she's told to project on Anthy instead...) Further, Akio adopts his fiancée's last name as an indicator that marrying Kanae is him rising in social status, not her. His fancy apartment, the big telescope, all belongs to the Ohtori's. Akio's seduction is only sexual, he can't exploit Mrs. Ohtori on the base of less experience and power like the did to the girls he usually abuses. No big point here but to highlight how corrupted the adults running the central institution are.

Sort of a conclusion: Probably I spend more times and thoughts on this than needed. But I did spend a lot of time thinking about Tokiko and Kaoru twin's motives of leaving childhood and differing personhood by gender, sending me in onto further thoughts how the presence and also the lack of adults in the life of many students is relevant for understanding their motivation. Why would they have certain outlooks on relationships? Some parentages and familial are more nebulous, less relevant than others, too, although for some characters like Touga, the twins, or Utena, the relationship to their families mark the starting point of their journey.

#Revolutionary Girl Utena #RGU meta #my most rambliest post yet

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