#who did harriet's back in town with

[sci-firenegade]

Review of the farce What the Butler Saw, featuring Pauline Yates, Michael Barrington and William Russell.

Reading Evening Post - Friday 20 January 1978

[russellsppttemplates]

Girls night with Harriet and Aurora and mick and seb are sooo jealous that they have a boys night which is pizza and a the cinema

"Mama, can you do my nails next, please?", Aurora asked as she sat in the sofa after she went to the kitchen to wash them.

"Yes, love - Harriet, you have to keep your hands still so you don't blur your glittery nails on the furniture, okay?", you warned.

"Can we have pancakes after this?", Harriet asked some time after you had finished doing her sister's nails.

"Pancakes for dinner?", Aurora smiled.

"Seems like it's pancakes for dinner then", you smiled, getting up so you could make them for you and the girls.

"Where did papa and Seb go?", your oldest asked.

"They went to the movies and out for some pizza, but they should be back soon", you smiled, kissing the top of her head and pulling Harriet closer to you so she could rest her head on your lap instead of having her rest on the pillows all twisted while she slept, "they called it boys' night".

"It isn't as cool as our girls' night though", Aurora smiles cheekily, "this is the best, mama".

.

"Are we having pizza tonight?", Sebastian said as he walked with his father to the italian place you usually go to and get your takeaway from.

"Yes, and then I thought we could ho and watched a movie together, there cinema in town had the one you have been wanting to watch", Mick said as he opened the door so Sebastian could walk inside first, greeting the couple who owned the place and finding a table for them.

"Mick, Seb!", the woman greeted, "is it just the two of you tonight?", she wondered.

"Yes, mama, Rora and Harriet are having a girls' me and papa are having a boys' night", the little boy offered.

"Sounds good then. Have you decided what you're going to have or do you want to look at the menu?", she asked, knowing the little boy didn't vary much and Mick also had a usual order.

(Thank you for sending this in ✨️)

[rachetmath]

Ruby: Hey Jaune where are you going?

Jaune: Well Ruby I was asking around town to see if I could find a teacher.

Ruby: A teacher? Why were you looking for a teacher?

Jaune: To train with.

Ruby: Jaune come on. You're fine. You don't need a teacher.

Jaune: Okay but I need a break.

Ruby: From what?

Jaune: Woman after the emotional rollercoaster we had. I need to figure some stuff out.

Ruby: You can figure it out with us.

Jaune: No.

Ruby: Why not?!

Jaune: This is something I need to do alone. I can't be worrying about you and have you cuddling me all the time.

Ruby: We need you though.

Jaune: You have your team and my team. Which I’m not apart of no more. What do you need me for?

Ruby: Healing.

Jaune: Ruby, for how long we've spent together, no one has gotten injured that badly.

Ruby: Nora-

Jaune: She did that to herself. Plus I am now the odd man out. What need is there for me other than being in danger?

Ruby: You can be with Qrow.

Jaune: No. He has Robyn and Harriet.

Ruby: Come on.

Jaune: Ruby I need this. I need a training arc to get back on my feet. I need to figure out what I'm going after all this. Especially, after Alyx despite everything gave a second chance. I’m not wasting this.

Ruby: What are you talking about?

Jaune: Ruby, I couldn't save Pyrrha. I couldn't save Penny. Oscar. Alyx.

Ruby: Wait, you did save Oscar.

Jaune: Not before Emerald.

Ruby: oh.

Jaune: I’m just saying, I want to live to see my family again. So I need to get more experience and training to become stronger because obviously the roles I have are not a good fit for me.

Ruby; Hm. Good point. Good point.

Afterwards

Weiss: You let him go!!?

Ruby: Absolutely.

Yang: Why?

Ruby: I mean I understand. I thought I took L’s but him, nope.

Blake: But Ruby-

Ruby; Blake. He cheated Beacon. He almost dies multiple times. Every girl he meets either dies or hoes him in some way. And he was trapped on an island for years. Okay? He’s an uncle to a lesbian couple's son. He has a family who he may not be on good terms with. Also, in theory, didn’t Raven burn down the village him and his family used to go to? Probably the last good memory he had of his family.

Qrow: Oh shit she did.

Ruby: Oh my god. How was Raven not on his kill list along with Cinder?

Qrow: Yeah, we might not need to avoid telling him.

Ruby: All I’m saying is the guy has been through hell by himself. I say let him breathe.

Weiss: Are you serious?!

Ruby: Bitch don’t be mad at me! You only started liking him cause you were simp for the Rusted Knight. Hell, didn’t he save you like three times either from embarrassment or death? And didn’t you start off as immature as you thought he was?

Weiss:: Um.

Ruby: Exactly.

Nora: Ruby, that’s not fair. He’s our teammate. And our leader.

Ruby: Oh, so now you care?

Nora: What did you say?

Ruby: I mean Sakura-

Nora: Nora.

Ruby: No, Sakura, you can’t keep choosing when you want to start being a good teammate.

Nora: Excuse me. I’ll have you know-

Ruby: Don’t you be rude to him sometimes.

Nora: Um.

Ruby: You're also never there. In fact, you and Ren majority of the time are useless.

Ren: What?!

Ruby: Like you're never around when he needs you. And no, that portal thing doesn’t count. That was our fault. However, you two always prioritize each other but never Jaune. In fact, you two halfway almost left us to fight a giant grimm. Let Jaune face a maiden by himself, knowing his skill level is average.

Nora: Ruby that was months ago. Get over it.

Ruby: Alright, so where were you in the Cardin situation? Where were you during the Pyrrha situation? In fact how come you two were the first out when Neo showed up.?

Nora: Um.

Yang: In fact, isn’t Jaune kind of the one who saved your relationship by talking with Ren?

Ren: Um.

Ruby: Exactly. Like I said Sakura, you can’t choose to be a good team member when you want to be. So be a good girl and stay with your Sasuke.

Nora: Little bi- *tries to strike Ruby*

Ren: *hold Nora back* No Nora, calm down!

Nora: No way I’m taking that disrespect!

Ruby: Plus, he had a point. We barely get hurt. We rarely do defense. And the majority of our battles rarely require strategy. I hate to say it but strength is everything. And Jaune has the potential to outweigh us in every category.

Ren: Ruby, he is a healer.

Ruby: And you’re supposed to be a ninja and a skilled fighter but you're just as useless as your girlfriend.

Ren: … …

Oscar: Well Aura Amplification is more than just healing it increases other people's abilities.

Ruby: Oh really. Okay, Oscar, I have one question. Who here now needs Jaune to help amplify their abilities?

Oscar: Um.

Ruby: Mind you Ren is able to cover multiple people without Jaune’s help now. And Weiss barely needs healing either. So who?

Oscar: … Nobody.

Ruby: NOBODY. So let Jaune use his semblance for him. He needs it more than us. Maybe it has multiple purposes that we don’t know about.

Yang: But Ruby he’s not built like us.

Ruby: *stares at Yang*

Yang: What?

Ruby: I-I should- You are- Oo I… Keep it together Ruby. No need to bury this bitch along with your mom. She still raised you.

Yang: What? What did I say wrong?

Ruby: Yang, if Jaune stopped giving Fs about everything, he basically be a monster.

Yang: Wait rea-Really?

Ruby: Yes he goes there sometimes. He did it Heaven not giving a f about the situation and went for Cinder. In Argus, he didn’t think twice about stealing an airship and was ready to put his hands on Oscar.

Yang: Until you stopped him.

Ruby: You must not have seen his eyes he was ready to fight me too.

Yang: Oh.

Ren: And in Atlas he was ready to risk our lives to save Oscar.

Yang: True.

Blake: And again he look me in the eyes after we tried to stop him from killing the Curious Cat. Honey, he is close to being up there.

Yang: He’s got that Beowolf in him.

Ruby: Damn straight. Look. Let’s just give Jaune some space. Let him readjust back to Remnant. And let him find his strength. Alright? Now if you excuse me I need to find someone.

Yang: Who?

Ruby: Raven. She was the last one to see my mom so I need to hear her side of the story of what happened. It may end this stupid family feud we got. Later.*leaves*

Oscar: Hey where’s Emerald?

Somewhere

Jaune: I recall wanting to be alone. Why are you here?

Emerald: Emotional Support.

Jaune: I don’t need emotional support.

Emerald: Not you. Me.

Jaune: And what makes you think I am available, capable or interested in helping you?

Emerald: First, you have zero reasons to trust me. Two, I need screen time now because I’m a major player. So being a side character in your story can work. Three, I’m not like Pyrrha or Weiss, I can like you for my own reasons other than you being the “Rusted Knight” or your potential. And I might not be as linit with you as the others. I can show you, tough love.

Jaune: And what do I gain from this?

Emerald: My actual loyalty.

[mystic-writings]

remember the nights | chapter four — the willow tree

WORD COUNT — 2,390

WARNINGS — talk of parental death and parental abandonment, cheating, and divorce

NOTES — god i love this chapter with everything i have i'm not kidding

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Since your first ‘official’ group hang out last Friday, you’d nearly been jumping at any opportunity to hang out with the group. Sure, when you read into it it sounded borderline creepy, but you couldn’t help it. You’d never had that much fun with your friends before, even in the city, where pretty much anything and everything was at your fingertips. 

You could only compare it to the high you felt the first time you’d ever watched a musical in a theater. You were a freshman at the time, and your dad surprised you with tickets by calling you out of school in the middle of the day. You’d never forget the magical, light feeling that filled your chest throughout the show, watching everything happen all at once and so quickly, admiring the performer’s work in real time. It had been such a rush that, for the following four days, everything felt dull, and all you wanted was to relive that night over and over again for the rest of your life. 

Today was Thursday, and although everyone would be hanging out again tomorrow at Mickey’s, some of the group had decided to hang out at the park again, anyway. All of you did have some form of curfew for weeknights, so it would be bordering on sunset when you would meet at the park, before one by one, you’d all have to head home at one time or another. 

When you’d left school, it was agreed — everyone would meet at 6pm by the gate. But as you got home, and the evening crept onward to the time you were supposed to leave, the texts began trickling in, and before you knew it, almost everyone had canceled. Whether it was family obligations, chores, or — in Harriet and Sonya’s case — couple time to themselves, everyone who was involved in the initial plan had canceled, aside from Newt. 

Not long after the final cancellation text came through — Minho, saying that his parents had family coming into town and needed to help get the house ready — your phone began to ring from its place on your bed, where you sat writing the last few sentences of your history homework. 

You pushed the textbook and workbook from your lap, reaching for the phone only to see that Newt’s contact was the one lighting up your screen. You prepared for another cancellation excuse before pressing the bright green ‘accept’ button and holding the phone to your ear. “What’s up?”

Newt’s voice filtered through the speaker almost immediately. “We’re still hanging out tonight, right?”

“Yeah, we are,” you said, “but it’s just gonna be us, if that’s alright. Literally everyone else canceled.” 

“Really?” Newt asked, and you muttered a confirmation in response. 

You sighed, leaning back on your bed frame. “I know we were supposed to go to the park, but Minho has the key, so… is there anywhere else you’d wanna hang out?”

“Actually, yeah,” Newt replied. “I’ll be there to pick you up soon, yeah? Half an hour.”

“Got it.” You nodded. “Half an hour.”

With Newt’s final goodbye, you picked your book back up and finished off what little you had left of your history homework. As you did though, you thought about spending time with Newt, just Newt, and how you haven’t had the chance to do so since he gave you the tour of the school. The thought seemed to bring an untameable smile to your face. 

By the time Newt’s car appeared in the driveway, and Newt at the front door, you had packed all your schoolwork away, pushed your hair back (after attempting four different styles), and grabbed a hoodie to wear. Whatever makeup you’d put on at the beginning of the day was mostly worn off now, and you didn’t see a point in reapplying anything, because as long as your mascara and eyeliner weren’t majorly smudged, you were okay with how it looked. 

Newt came in after you greeted him at the door, giving you time to gather up what you needed to and to slip your shoes on, and he talked with Maggie and your dad as they watched a movie in the living room. When you finally stepped out of the house, the sky was painted with an array of oranges, fading into various pinkish red tones, and finally, a beautiful purple that got deeper and more rich the higher in the sky it went. 

“So, what are we doing tonight?” You asked as Newt reversed out of the driveway. 

“I was thinking we’d grab some food from Mickey’s and hang out over on the field by the school?” Newt suggested, turning onto the main road. “Nothing extreme, y’know? We have all night tomorrow to do that.”

You nodded and told him that it was a great idea, looking out the window as he drove. It was getting visibly darker with every passing moment, and the lights on Newt’s dash and radio were glowing a bluish green when he parked in front of the diner. When you stepped out, you were met with a subtle breeze, which was quickly overtaken by the warmth of the diner. 

It was quiet inside, with only a few straggling patrons scattered around. Mickey greeted you both at the counter with his usual bright smile as you sat on the stools, ready to order. “Aren’t you two supposed to be here tomorrow?”

“Yeah, but you know me, Mickey.” Newt smiled cheekily. “I just can’t get enough of your amazing food.”

Mickey laughed before taking your orders — you, another loaded burger meal and double chocolate milkshake, and Newt, a crispy chicken burger and vanilla milkshake. Newt ended up paying for the food, but only after you argued about it and settled on you paying for his food tomorrow. 

You admired the retro style of the diner as you sat and waited for your food to arrive, noticing all of the pictures on the walls, the vintage clocks, and achievements the establishment had seemed to receive over the many years it’d been running. Through the order window, though, you noticed a boy your age, frying up your burger. 

Newt seemed to read your mind and follow your line of sight, because not long after you noticed the boy, he told you, “That’s Frypan.” 

“Hmm?”

“The cook, back there.” Newt explained. “His real name’s Siggy, but everyone calls him Fry or Frypan. Even his parents, and Mickey. Frypan’s Mickey’s grandson.”

You only nodded, waving at Frypan along with Newt when he caught sight of you and smiled politely. Once Frypan was done with your orders, he bagged them up and brought it over to you at the counter. 

“What’s up, Newt?”

“Hey, Fry,” Newt said, scratching at the back of his neck. “Things good?”

“Yep,” Frypan nodded, handing over the bag of takeout, before looking over to you. 

You smiled at him again and said, “I’m Y/n. Thomas’... step-sister? I think.”

Frypan laughed and nodded, his smile wider than before. “Nice to meet you, Y/n.”

“I think step-sister’s the right word,” Newt said. “Tommy told us about her, remember?”

“I remember,” Frypan nodded as he leant against the counter. “Said a lot about you when you guys would hang out and stuff. Didn’t you get him lost in Times Square once or something?”

You scoffed out a laugh. “I think he got that story mixed up. He was the one who got us lost. Dumbass thought he could get us around New York without a map because he’d been there a few times before. And he didn’t even go to Times Square any of those times, by the way.”

Both boys laughed at your retelling of the story as you smiled, watching Mickey place two to-go cups next to the bag of food. “There y’all go. I’ll see y’all tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow, guys. See you later, Fry.” Newt nodded, waving goodbye before standing and grabbing the bag of food. 

You waved the pair goodbye happily as you grabbed the drinks and slid out of the stool, following Newt out the door, blinds clanking on the door behind you, and back into the car. The sky had darkened exponentially since you’d been inside, and the brief breeze you felt when you arrived had taken a more permanent residence in the air, cooling your skin. 

As Newt headed over to the school, staying on the main road, you snacked on fries from the bag that rested on your lap. A song filtered through the speakers, muffled by the static of a distant radio tower, and dim street lamps lit the way for you. You would’ve been perfectly content simply sitting in the car and driving around until curfew, but Newt had other plans. 

He parked in the school parking lot, in one of the spaces closest to the field. It was unusual to see the parking lot empty, to see the school devoid of light and students lingering around. You and Newt stepped out of the car, and you followed him as he rounded the back, opening the trunk and pulling a thin blanket from it before heading out to the field, blanket tucked under one arm, a milkshake in hand and the bag of food in the other. 

Soon, one milkshake became two, along with a heavy bag filled with food, and you ended up handling a minor juggling act while Newt laid out the blanket at the base of the willow tree he pointed out to you on the first day. When he was done, he took his milkshake and the bag of food from you, allowing you to sit next to him on the blanket while he sorted out the food. 

For a little while, there was nothing but the sound of the wildlife at night while you enjoyed your food together. This, however, gave your mind time to wind down several paths of thought, and it didn’t take you long to put your burger back in its wrapper and face the blond to your left. 

“Why doesn’t Sonya have an accent?”

“What?” Newt asked, still chewing his food. 

“You have an accent.” You stated. “And Sonya’s only a year younger than you, so she should have an accent, too, right? But she doesn’t, so, why not?”

Newt swallowed his food, took a sip of his milkshake, and cleared his throat before speaking. “We moved here from London when we were pretty young. I was eight, and Sonya was almost seven. Small town people can be quite… harsh, but I didn’t quite mind what the kids in school were saying about how we talked. Sonya did, though. I guess kids in her grade were harsher toward her. Anyway, she started to train her voice to sound American, and now she doesn’t have an accent.” 

All you could think of to respond was nod. It seemed like a simple enough answer, despite how heartbreaking it really was, and so you left it at that and went back to eating your burger. No more conversation occurred between the two of you until you were cramming the empty wrappers and fry containers into the takeout bag. 

“Why’s your dad marrying Maggie?” 

Confused, your face scrunched as you looked at Newt. 

“You got to ask a question, so now I’m asking one.” Newt shrugged. “So, why’s your dad marrying Maggie?” After a moment, it seemed like Newt realized what kind of question he’d asked. “If you don’t want to answer, you don’t have to. I’m just curious.”

“No, no it’s fine.” You assured him, taking a deep breath. “It’s not his first marriage, or anything like that. And my mom wasn’t some horrible, evil woman he was just dying to get away from, either. He loved her. A lot. They met when they were teenagers and everything. She was a ballerina. A really beautiful one, too.” You explained. “When I was about seven, though, she got diagnosed with breast cancer. I can barely remember it anymore, but I know she was a great mom, and a great wife. She died when I was ten. Maggie’s the first woman I’ve met that’s been able to make my dad laugh like my mom used to.” 

Newt stayed silent for a few moments, the heavy atmosphere you brought to the conversation settling in your chests. He picked at a loose thread in the blanket before speaking. “I wish my mum could find someone like that.”

“Why?” You asked, your voice soft. “What happened to your dad?”

“He’s an asshole,” Newt snapped, tilting his head all the way back to look at the pieces of sky that poked through the leaves, leaning on his elbows for support. “He moved us halfway across the world, away from my mum’s family, away from her whole bloody life, for a job offer, only to quit and chase some bleach blonde woman who’s half his age to Florida and mail my mum divorce papers. He didn’t even have the decency to sign them in person.”

The anger and resentment Newt held for his father was clear in his tone, rolling off his words in harsh waves. 

Hesitantly, you placed a hand over Newt’s twisting your body to fully face him. “You’re right, Newt. Your dad is an asshole. And he missed out on watching you grow up, on seeing you turn into one of the kindest, most caring people I’ve ever met. But that just means that you didn’t need him to be the person you are today.”

Though Newt’s eyes remained on the sky, you could see tears gathering along his waterline, the gleam of the stars reflecting within them. For a moment, you both stayed that way, until Newt shifted and pulled your body into his, arms wrapping around your neck as he gripped you in a tight hug. You wrapped your arms around his torso, pulling him a little closer. The heavy atmosphere felt a little lighter, now, and you did, too, knowing that something between you and Newt had shifted, that you knew each other better now. 

After the mood lifted, you both finished your drinks and laid back on the thin, cold blanket, hands on your stomachs as you talked and looked at the sky through the drooping curtains of the willow tree’s leaves.

series masterlist: @heliads @ghostofscarley @badbatch-simp24 @virginia-peters @third-broparcelicito @lamolaine (open!)

[jisforjudi2]

THE FAITHFUL SECRETARY

Chicago Tribune

UPDATED: August 10, 2021 at 12:23 a.m.

Before the women’s movement, back when Father knew best and network TV made room for Daddy, when Mary Tyler Moore was Laura Petrie, not Mary Richards, actress Barbara Hale was playing a single working woman on TV.

Hale, now 71, remembers what appealed to her about the role of Della Street, secretary to lawyer Perry Mason on the series that was based on the mysteries by Erle Stanley Gardner.

“When we started (in 1956), it was the beginning of women not working at home. I liked that she was not married. My husband didn’t have to see me every week married to another man, and our children didn’t have to see me mothering other children.

“When (my son) Billy was in the 1st grade, we went to school for the first parent meeting, and on his desk were little projects he’d made-pictures of Daddy and Mommy and his sister and his animals. And underneath my picture-I wish I had it now, but the teacher kept it-he’d written in inch-high block letters, `This is my mom. I love her. She is a secretary.”‘

On Friday, the latest Perry Mason two-hour movie, “The Case of the Telltale Talk Show Host,” will air on NBC, one of seven productions that will carry the courtroom stalwart and his unflappable Girl Friday into 1994.

“I guess I was just meant to be a secretary who doesn’t take shorthand,” she quips. “My assistant wants you to know I’m a lousy typist too-33 words a minute!”

The Emmy award-winning actress is a Hollywood survivor-going into her second half-century in a profession she never dreamed of pursuing. A veteran of the old studio system and of television’s infancy, her co-stars in those early years were household names-Sinatra and Cagney and Stewart and Mitchum-when she was the ingenue.

RKO Studios was her “paid education,” as she puts it, her training ground. She met her husband, actor Bill Williams (who died several months ago), over coffee at the studio commissary.

Today, she still offers ample evidence of the effervescent beauty she was in the ’40s and ’50s-and even earlier, in Rockford High School, when her buddies entered her in a May Queen contest and she won. “I still know them, dear, and we 15 get together every three years. It takes three years to get over the three days we spend together!”

Her career seems to have evolved from being on the right Chicago street corner at the right time.

The daughter of a Rockford horticulturist and a homemaker, Hale (born in DeKalb) was studying at the Chicago Academy of Fine Arts, living at the Harriet M. McCormick branch of the YWCA and planning a career as a commercial illustrator and portraitist.

One day, as school let out for the summer, she was standing at the corner near the Drake Hotel with a girlfriend who’d come to town for a couple of weeks to look for modeling work. While they were waiting for the bus taking them to the North Side, a car drove up and someone tossed a card at them. It referred them to a modeling agency.

“A couple of weeks later, I went to see my buddies, and I told one of them the story about the card,” she recalls.

“She said, `Barb, you’re kidding! I was sitting in the little coffee shop at work this morning, and a lady came in and sat next to me, because it was the only seat left. She was pouting. I asked if she had a problem, and she said, “Yes, darn it. I have a model agency and I saw this kid on a corner, in a red coat, and can’t track her down. She’s exactly what one of our ad agencies is looking for.” Barb, what coat did you have on that day?

“I said, `My red coat-it’s the only coat I have.’ And she said, `Barb, I think that card was meant for you.”‘

It was. Hale went in to the Seaman Agency, and stopped Connie Seaman in her tracks. “She said, `Oh, my God-honey, don’t move! Al, get over here quick!’ Al came in and said, `It is her! Let’s see-we’ll shape her eyebrows, put on a little more lipstick, pull her hair back … ‘ and I said, `Just a minute, sir-what are we talking about?”‘

Hale was “a green 19” when she began fashion modeling, and after about a year and a half, RKO offered her a six-month tryout. The day after she arrived in Los Angeles, she visited the studio and its casting director, Dick Stockton.

“As I was shaking hands with him, the phone rang. He took the call, and as he listened, he started looking at me. `Yeah, yeah, yeah, just a minute.’ He turned to me and asked, `Honey, can you say a line?’ I said, `I don’t know.’ He said into the phone, `There’s a kid in the office right now. I think she’ll work. I’ll send her right over.’ He told his assistant, `Take her to wardrobe, take her to makeup, take her to Stage 6. One of the kids is sick. We’ve got to have a girl there immediately.’

“It hit every paper the next day. Cinderella story. First day on the lot, she gets-of course they said a starring part. I had one line, but you know about those things.”

Apart from that walk-on, in “Gildersleeve’s Bad Day,” she made her debut in 1944 in “Higher and Higher,” opposite Frank Sinatra.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz, Ginger Rogers and Jane Russell were all at RKO then. So was Burr-who would be her TV series co-star about a dozen years later.

Hale studied dancing and singing at the studio. She began to appear on screen regularly-four movies in 1944, two in 1945-and eventually won leads in such movies as “The Boy With Green Hair,” “The Window,” “Jolson Sings Again” and “The Jackpot,” performing even while pregnant.

“I told Billy (her son, actor William Katt, who starred in the television series “The Greatest American Hero”) he should put on his resume that he was in `The Jackpot’ and `Lorna Doone,’ and he said, `Mother, I wasn’t,’ and I told him, `Oh, yes, you were!”‘

She continued her movie career and was a mainstay of television dramas until 1956, when a producer offered her the Della Street part in the pilot of what turned out to be a 9 1/2-year run. Hale went on to win an Emmy for best dramatic actress for the role in 1959.

“We did 36 shows that first year,” she says. “And we’re still doing it!”

She says that Della “was-and still is, to a great degree-a woman who knew what everybody was thinking. She was informed, and very observant of everything that went on. That was my challenge as an actress-to be a necessary part of the office without being too aggressive. Della was quietly overpowering: She knew when to speak and when to keep her mouth closed.”

Hale sees Della as having remained constant, to an extent. Her task is basically the same. But there have been some subtle emotional changes.

“I think she’s a little more at home, relaxed, showing her knowledge not only of the case, but also of her boss. In the early days, it was all business. Today there’s more of a camaraderie between them, a little more humor and more sensitivity to each other, which comes with years of being side by side.

“She’s trying to see that he stays healthy,” she says. “She’s taking him off coffee.

After nearly 300 episodes, “Perry Mason” folded in 1966.

In the mid-1970s, the show returned briefly with other actors and faded quickly. During the ’70s and early ’80s, Hale worked sporadically. She was in the original “Airport” in 1970, and appeared opposite her son in a 1978 surfing movie, “Big Wednesday.”

In 1985, producer Dean Hargrove asked her what she thought of the idea of a “Perry Mason” reunion show. She told him, “it would be divine, but we are 25 or 30 years older than we were then.” He said the intention was to use them as they were and to bring in a few new young actors to replace cast members William Talman, Ray Collins and William Hopper, who had died.

“Dean said, `There’s a young blond kid in town. I want to talk to him, not his agent. He’s done a series-“The Greatest American Hero.” But I can’t reach him.’

“I said, `Oh, well, that young man is in Kansas City doing “The Music Man” right now, and I can get you in touch with him if you want.’ And Dean asked, `You know him?’ I said, `Dean, I changed that boy’s diapers!’ Billy played in the first nine (Perry Mason) movies, then went on to another series of his own.”

“Perry Mason Returns” in 1985 was a Nielsen triumph, and with Perry stepping down from a judgeship to defend Della against murder charges in the first episode. From then on, the Mason bunch have visited America’s living rooms every few months.

After nearly four decades, Hale says the role of Della still offers unexpected moments.

“This week, at the end of the show, very quietly and very surprisingly, Perry plants one on Della,” Hale says. “It’s a first!”

Originally Published: May 16, 1993 at 1:00 a.m.

www.chicagotribune.com/1993/05/16/the-faithful-secretary/

[bucket-barnes]

Memories: Calista Jane Hook

(It seems my inspiration always strikes during my classes- enjoy the completion to the memories trio I thought up during my finals)

CJ would be the first to admit that she didn’t really remember her mother, though she looked the most like her, she was the only one of her siblings to get their mother’s blonde hair and most facial features, but there’s one thing her siblings have that she doesn’t…the memories

CJ doesn’t remember how old she was when her mother died, just that she was young, her memories of that time are spotty. She remembered Harry sitting by their mother’s bedside and bringing her small little trinkets and talking to her, she remembered Harriet taking them to Ursula’s fish and chips and her yelling at the men who made fun of their father. There was really only one memory CJ had of her mother dying that was truly her’s, sometimes, her father would lift her up and sit her on her mother’s bed so CJ could cuddle with her, she’d always put her little head on her mother’s chest where she could hear the fluttering of her heart while her father ran his hand through her mother’s hair…she remembers liking those days. The day her mother passed, CJ was being held by Harriet who kept whispering to her that everything was gonna be ok while holding back her own tears…why was she crying? Why was their father crying? Why was Harry hugging him?

CJ was seven when she became her father’s shadow, or…at least whenever Harriet would let her know if their father was feeling good enough to be above deck. CJ was aware of her father’s alcoholism, she knew it made him angry, and when he was angry she had to stay in her room with Harry while Harriet dealt with him. CJ liked her dad on the days he didn’t drink, he’d sit above deck with her and tell her stories of all the adventures he went on, sometimes he’d teach her how to sail, though only while the Jolly Roger was anchored, her favorite days were when they’d go into town and her dad would take her to watch Gaston’s “duels without rules” something he didn’t do with her siblings, only her…it felt special

CJ was thirteen when she snuck into Auradon, she was honestly surprised they hadn’t found her yet, she was hiding in Freddie’s dorm room. She missed her siblings, she wondered about them a lot…not like she could do anything else. She’d think about Harriet, was she worried about her? Was she getting along with their dad alright? How was Harry? Were the voices getting too much? Was he even still alive!? When CJ found herself starting to spiral, she’d pull out the one thing she had from her mother, a little photo of her as baby in her mother’s arms. She’d run her finger over the photo and study it…she really did look like her

CJ never joined her father for a drink, she had rum once with Harry and she thought it was gross, so she just sat with her dad on the deck of the Jolly Roger and listen as he drunkenly rambled about everything in life that had done him wrong. It was a chill spring night, and CJ was sitting with her father, he had been a couple drinks in and had begun to cry, crying about his pain, the pain of losing his wife, the pain of his eldest daughter having to grow up too fast, the pain of his son hearing and seeing things that weren’t there…and the pain of his youngest daughter never truly knowing her mother. CJ didn’t want to see her father cry, so she scooted closer to him and put her head on his shoulder, he eventually wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer to him, she let her head fall onto his chest…she could hear his heartbeat, it reminded her of when she was little, with her mother, only his wasn’t a gentle flutter, but a low, sorrowful drum, echoing with a lifetime of loss

CJ fell asleep in her father’s arms that night, she may not have known her mother…but she got to know her father, maybe not who he wanted to be, but who he became.

[burningvelvet]

Mary Shelley’s Lake Geneva diary from August 2nd, 1816…

“Friday, August 2. — I go to the town with Shelley, to buy a telescope for his birthday present. In the evening Lord Byron and he go out in the boat, and, after their return, Shelley and Clare go up to Diodati; I do not, for Lord Byron did not seem to wish it. Shelley returns with a letter from Longdill, which requires his return to England. This puts us in bad spirits. I read Rêveries and Adèle et Théodore de Madame de Genlis, and Shelley reads Pliny’s Letters.”

This was the day that Percy, Claire, and Byron discussed Claire’s pregnancy and what they were going to do about custody rights. Shelley had already known about Claire’s pregnancy for at least a month and was most likely the first to know, since after he and Byron almost drowned on June 25th he had secretly written a will that left sums to Claire and any person of her choice — her name being near the top of the list along with Mary, his wife Harriet, and all his children. Considering that Byron later believed the Hoppner Scandal (unconfirmed rumours that Claire had a secret child with Percy which was given for adoption or aborted) — and that historians believe Claire and Shelley were probably sexually involved at various periods — some people believe that the paternity of the child was called into question. Claire’s identity as the child’s mother would be hidden from the public to protect her reputation, and Byron and Shelley both accepted responsibility for the child (though Shelley was arguably more attached), although everyone agreed that the child (Allegra) looked and acted like Byron, and was therefore his.

Byron in a letter to his sister about Claire and the rumours surrounding his time at Geneva:

“. . . as to all these ‘mistresses’ — Lord help me — I have had but one. Now don't scold — but what could I do? A foolish girl, in spite of all I could say or do, would come after me, or rather went before, for I found her here, and I have had all the plague possible to persuade her to go back again, but at last she went. Now, dearest, I do most truly tell thee that I could not help this, that I did all I could to prevent it, and have at last put an end to it. I was not in love nor have any love left for any, but I could not exactly play the Stoic with a woman who had scrambled eight hundred miles to un-philosophize me, besides I had been regaled of late with so many ‘two courses and a dessert’ (Alas!) of aversion, that I was fain to take a little love (if pressed particularly) by way of novelty. And now you know all that I know of the matter, & it's over.”

A decade later, Claire Clairmont wrote to Jane Williams:

“What would I not give to have an unhappy passion, for then one has full permission and a perfect excuse to fall into a happy one; one has something to expect, but a happy passion, like death, has finis written in such large characters in its face there is no hoping for any possibility of a change. You will allow me to talk upon this subject, for I am unhappily the victim of a happy passion. I had one; like all things perfect in its kind, it was fleeting, and mine only lasted ten minutes, but these ten minutes have discomposed the rest of my life.

The passion, God knows for what cause, from no faults of mine, however, disappeared, leaving no trace whatever behind it except my heart wasted and ruined as if it had been scorched by a thousand lightnings.“

Sadly, Allegra Byron died at the age of five due to a sudden outbreak of typhus in Romagna where Byron had enrolled her in a private convent school. This was a betrayal to Claire, as they had promised each other that Allegra should never be apart from one of her parents, due to Claire’s prediction that something terrible would happen if so. However, Byron argued that having a good Italian-Catholic education would give Allegra higher marriage prospects in Italy than any education she could have in England, partly due to her illegitimacy and partly due to the tarnished reputations of the Byron/Shelley/Godwin households, among other reasons. Claire blamed Byron for Allegra’s death, and she felt that while Shelley sympathized more with her, Mary sympathized more with Byron. Three months later, Shelley followed Allegra to the grave, and the already fragmented social circle would further break apart.

[cdyssey]

Tropes Draft #1: Apocalypse

Hi there! My friends @nakedmonkey, @smashingmagicklovely, @fat-fem-and-asian, and @harrietdyker played a game on Discord this week where we drafted a cast for a film based on common tropes in an apocalypse story, and now we're looking to settle a winner via poll! See short synopses of each movie under cut, but, of course, you're welcome just to vote based on vibes alone! At the end of the week, we'll reveal whose film was which.

[01.] sarah snook and ayo edebiri star in indie zombie drama ALL OF THE MEN ARE DEAD. snook plays alice, a world weary survivor trying to locate her younger sibling lachlan (liv hewson), who vanished after a fight. she rescues lost survivors brianna (ayo edebiri) and her younger sister lily (violet mcgraw), along with their dog tiger (DITTO THE DOG ! #1 on the call sheet) from a horde of zombies. In return, brianna says that she met lachlan a few weeks ago and directed them to the safe zone her mother zoya (sheryl lee ralph) leads before getting separated. she offers alice the same safety if they find their way back. despite her growing fondness for lily, alice can't shake a feeling of unease with her new companions. how does brianna know these lands so well? how did lily know alice's name? why did they leave the safe zone at all?

[02.] At Rainbow House, everyone is welcome and treated like family. At least, that’s what Eleanor Glass (Academy Award nominee Sigourney Weaver) and her wife Marcia (Academy Award winner Allison Janney) intended when they opened their LGBTQ youth center, which is under existential threat by the ominous corporation CTOA, headed by Maxwell Price (Academy Award nominee Colman Domingo). Now, in the aftermath of a nuclear apocalypse, Eleanor and Marcia have made efforts to turn the center into a safe house for all those who lost everything. Alongside longtime program director Charlie (Academy Award winner Ian McKellen) and Eleanor’s street-smart protege Sunny (Emmy winner Zendaya), they work tirelessly to protect everyone - even as CTOA continues its efforts to dismantle the organization. But when Price and his daughter Ashlyn (Emmy nominee Jenna Ortega) show up seeking shelter, Eleanor and Marcia must choose between their commitment to welcoming everyone as equals and their fight with Maxwell Price. Sunny’s secret relationship with Ashlyn complicates matters further, not to mention the possibility that CTOA had more to do with this nuclear fallout than anyone could have expected. Nominated for 4 Academy Awards including Best Original Screenplay and Best Actress (Weaver), Everyone’s Inn is a bold tale about love, found family, and the secrets we keep.

[03.] The Letum Project: In a near distant future, the lethal Letum Virus that targets both the developmental and nervous systems simultaneously is turning victims into distorted, violent walking corpses, and is running rampant, dismantling societal infrastructures at a rapid pace and wreaking havoc on a global scale. A team of elite medical professionals, spearheaded by Dr. Freya Wright (Olivia Colman) and partner Dr. August Beck (Mads Mikkelsen), has been working tirelessly in an underground facility to find a cure for the past 10 months, but an unexpected death in the team brings into question what the motivation behind the project really is. Propelled by the mysterious and tragic death of her wife and fellow researcher, Allison Harris (Rebecca Hall), and the unexplained disappearance of friend and mentor, Dr. Amelia Bailey (Harriet Walker), Dr. Greta Harris (Dagmara Dominczyk) embarks on a rogue quest to find answers along with colleague and famed vascular neurologist, Gabrielle Gomez (Gina Torres). What they find above ground is a nightmarish scene; entire towns of infected people left to rot in now fenced zones, while survivors now live off of rationed food and essentials in a highly militarized state, the rich prioritized over the poor. But those aren’t the only truths Greta is forced to face. Allison and Gabrielle had been working alongside Amelia on a project they had kept from the rest of the team; a potential cure that might have been successful had Allison not found herself suddenly infected. Betrayed by the revelation, and now finding themselves hunted by Dr. Wright and Dr. Beck, Greta is left to wonder if there’s anyone left to trust. Aided only by sporadic morse code messages received through an old radio left to them by an anonymous source shortly before their escape from the facility, Greta and Gabrielle embark on a dangerous quest to find out.

[04.] Gödshead: A deadly virus has ravaged North America, leaving only sparse pockets of healthy populations behind in its wake: small towns and even smaller villages, family compounds, isolated homesteads surrounded by barbed wire fences. For years, former real estate agent Parker Kingston (Tawny Cypress) lived in such a protected home with her two daughters, the responsible Audrey (Jasmin Savoy-Brown) and the younger, far more rebellious Ryan (Amandla Stenberg), but the start of the film finds both Parker and Ryan reeling after a raider attack results in Audrey’s death and the sudden loss of their home. Grief-stricken, wounded, and utterly undone, mother and daughter must carry on anyway, taking sanctuary in a heavily walled village called Gödshead. Though their personal relationship is tumultuous, both Kingston women settle into something of a routine in the quaint village as they get to know its colorful denizens. They share a house with Dr. Hutchings (Paul Giamatti), a cantankerous but well-meaning history professor; Parker forges an intimate bond with Marnie Thompson (Samantha Sloyan), a kind if strangely fragile teacher who takes care of the village’s children while their parents work. They also get to know Mayor Willa Thompson (Frances McDormand), Marnie’s mother, whose stern but fair hand has ensured the village’s continued prosperity. But what exactly is the price of prosperity in an apocalypse? Parker and Ryan soon discover that there’s more to the village that lies beneath its seemingly peaceful surface—indeed that the trade-off for peace is a sacrifice that all citizens of Gödshead must be prepared to make. Winters are brutal in the mountains, and meat is scarce; there’s a lottery every winter in Gödshead, and everyone has a number.

[05.] The Sick: The zombie apocalypse did not end the world as we know it. Nobody knows how the infection works, who can pass it on and why, and what, exactly, it does to a person: they just know who is sick. They just know who to kill. When Claire (Romola Garai), an exhausted local news reporter, is assigned to report on Refuge, an organisation fighting to protect the hunted sick, she finds out her best friend, the good-hearted Raul (Diego Luna), has been a part of the organisation for months now, but she does not get to confront him about it before he strangely dies. Claire takes it upon herself to get his latest case, the young and funny Layla (Hunter Schafer) to safety in his honor. With the help of Raul’s boss, the eccentric Eddie (Ncuti Gatwa), they go on a cross-country journey towards the shelter built by Refuge. But on their way, Claire’s investigative tendencies can’t let go of the feeling that Eddie is hiding something, and Layla is getting sicker, worried for her companions’ safety around her. It’s a rest-stop encounter with Harper (Harriet Dyer) that gives Claire her answers and Layla the opportunity to protect her friends: a former colleague of Eddie, left to die by Eddie after getting infected, Harper, now part of a resistance organisation fighting for liberation of the sick, is out for revenge, but revenge is not as clear-cut a thing as people think. She tries to convince Layla to abandon Claire and Eddie’s shelter idea and join her, because Eddie can’t be trusted and Claire is too naive. And if Claire was not conflicted enough about the discovery, Raul’s cousin, the mysterious Mateo (Vico Ortiz), who blames Eddie for Raul’s death, is working with Harper, and tries to convince Claire to join the revolution, too, so she won’t die in it.

[unopenablebox]

there's like no audiobook of have his carcase available online which is unfortunate for my constant desperate need to be listening to sounds 100% of the time that i'm at work, so i tried enduring the Fully Cast BBC Audio Drama version

which 1. was so frustratingly abridged that i eventually gave up and just started rereading the book, because the charm of a dorothy sayers novel is really not captured in a rapid-fire recitation of only that character dialogue that is most central to the plot

upon which reread 2. i discovered that they changed the dialogue in the radio adaptation so that things harriet inferred/noticed/discovered were instead attributed to peter??? like, there's various points where the two of them are talking through theories of the murder, and have dialogue like

harriet: well what if the murderer hid until i left the beach and then turned back again to pretend to be coming from town?

peter: but then you've have met him on your way there.

harriet: ah! but maybe i did, and that's who the mysterious mr. perkins was!

with each of them taking turns being the helpful audience and the daring thinker-of-interpretations.

and in the radio drama they just-- swap the lines around, so that she is always incorrect and he is always making discoveries? which is such on-the-nose pathetic sexism that i feel embarrassed on behalf of everyone involved including me

[howlingday]

Field Marshal Schnee

---------------------------------------------------

Nicholas: (Doing squat thrusts) Seventy-two! Seventy-three! Seventy-four! Seventy five! Seventy-

Clover: Field Marshal-?

Nicholas: Hold on! Seventy-seven! (Pats self) HA! Towel me!

Clover: (Points to towel)

Harriet: (Grabs towel, Tosses it)

Nicholas: (Catches towel) Squat-thrusts! One for each year this old tom cat refuses to go off into the night.

Nicholas: (Beeping, Taps chest implant) Let's go, Little Man! Don't make me nail you to the wall of the ladies locker room! The BAD one! (Implant beeps normally) There you go! That's my boy! Now, what can I do for you fine folks? Ya here to wrestle me?!

Clover: No, sir. It's about Specialist 11-14-15.

Nicholas: Schnee again? (Sighs) That girl takes too much after her grandfather and nothing from her mother. Damn near had a heart attack last time, which was the ninth time if we're counting, which we are! What has she done this time?

Clover: It's better if you see for yourself, sir. (Nods to Harriet)

Harriet: (Pulls out disk, Reaches for player)

Nicholas: Hey! Not that one! It's set to record Red Versus Blue! Zero! Go ahead and judge me!

Harriet: (Puts in disk, Screen displays faces)

Clover: Specialist Schnee's turned three of our Jägermeister assassins into, well, dead guys.

Nicholas: Ugh... Of course she did. Who's dead?

Harriet: (Taps remote) Shade, speedster hedgehog-faunus, found dead behind a weapons shop.

Clover: Asking too many questions, I'd say. (Next slide) Punk Pop, former electric idol, former Atlas assassin, last scene on a safari.

Harriet: Formerly alive. (Next slide) Antonio Redman, devilishly good-looking lady killer, was at a rock concert when he was found inside an occupied port-a-potty.

Clover: Now he's meeting the devil after being killed by a lady. Shitty way to go.

Nicholas: (Shakes head) I don't like it. It's too sloppy! There's too much public killing. When I was her age, I had the decency to draw the shades before punching out someone else's time-clock.

Nicholas: Specialists, it's time we put an end to this small town talent show ourselves. It's well past the fat lady's encore!

Clover: What are your orders, sir?

Nicholas: Ready the squadron. I want a full house, decked basement to attic with the good artillery, and Daddy is gonna sit in his big chair!

Clover/Harriet: Yes, sir!

Nicholas: I'm gonna personally make damn sure this Schnee problem is resolved ASAP! LET'S MOVE OUT! (High knees out the door)

Clover: ...

Harriet: ...

Nicholas: (Walks back in, Takes off towel) Should probably get dressed, huh?

[greylockeileenparker]

   ⛰️  ◞       (   COURTNEY EATON.  CIS WOMAN.  TWENTY-THREE.  SHE/HER.   )  do  you  see  EILEEN PARKER  over  there  ?  they've  been  in  greylock  for  twenty-three years  working  as  a  bartender at  The Hollow Tavern.  i  heard  they  can  be EMPATHETIC  but  i  wouldn't  get  too  comfortable  ,  rumor  has  it  they  can  also  be  PRONE TO ANXIETY.  it  isn't  too  surprising  when  you  realize  they  have  a  reputation  as  the  local  OPTIMISTIC WALLFLOWER.  

Dependent character blog for @greylockhq

Basics:

Name: Eileen Lorraine Parker

Age: Twenty-Three

Birthday: July 23rd, 2001

Sexuality: Pansexual

Gender: Cis Woman

Pronouns: She/Her

Occupation: Bartender at The Hollow Tavern

Main Positive Traits:

Empathetic

Creative

Charming

Main Negative Traits:

Anxious

Indecisive

Impressionable

Family: 

Mother: Harriett Parker

Father: Unknown

Grandmother: Virginia Parker

Biography: 

Eileen was born on July 23rd to her mother Harriet Parker.  There was no sign of Eileen’s father, but that didn’t bother Harriet much.  The girl in her arms was perfect and there was nothing that could ruin that moment for her.  By Harriet’s side was her own mother, Virginia Parker, who also fell in love with baby Eileen at first sight.  Under the watch of the two women, Eileen thrived as a child.  The only thing that ever really bothered her was the absence of her father.  She would often come up with stories for herself, imagining that he was a spy on a secret mission or a long lost king who would one day show up to tell her that she was a princess.  

Whenever she asked her grandmother about her father, she would only shrug and tell her to ask her mother.  When Eileen asked her mother, she was always evasive.  She did her best to be kind, but Eileen eventually realized her questions made her mother uncomfortable and she stopped asking.  She was more than happy with the family she had.  

As a teenager, Eileen started to have horrible nightmares almost every night, dreams that were terrifying and completely impossible for her to fully understand.  Often she would wake up paralyzed in the middle of the night to see a long limbed figure in the corner of her room.  No matter how hard she tried to scream, no sound would come out.  Eileen spent day after day in total fear and eventually, her mother took her to the doctor hoping he could help find a way for Eileen to sleep.  Eventually, they settled on a regime of sleeping pills that kept Eileen from dreaming of anything at all.  At least, they did most nights.  The dreams still came whenever she forgot her pills and the tall monstrous figure showed up a few times a year no matter what Eileen did, but she finally felt like she had her life back.  

During her senior year, Eileen agonized for months over whether she should apply for her dream film school in California.  A part of her wanted to chase that dream more than anything while another part feared that she would arrive at the school only to realize she’d actually had no talent all along.  Ultimately, she didn’t make any choice at all.  The deadline to apply passed and Eileen promised herself she would take a gap year and then apply the next year, but then never did.  She took a job as a busser at The Hollow Tavern after graduating high school before eventually being promoted to bartender.  Eileen truly loves her job and getting to talk with all the locals who stop by consistently. She always makes sure to do her best to keep up with what’s going on in their lives and remember their regular drink orders.

While she still dreams about film school, she’s more than happy with her life.  Though after Emily’s disappearance and the rumors starting to swirl about the strange things appearing in the night, Eileen is starting to fear the monsters she saw only in her dreams might be starting to appear in reality.

Other Information:

Eileen has a habit of taking videos around town and has contemplated gathering some of her friends to put together a short film. Now with the strange things that are occurring in Greylock, she's started to wonder if perhaps she should change the film's genre to a documentary.

The only people who know about her dreams are her mother, grandmother, and doctors. She's always been too ashamed to speak about them with anyone else.

While Eileen is happy and comfortable around the regulars at The Hollow Tavern, outside of work she can be shy and have a hard time approaching others for conversation.

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

All my friends are heathens

A song–inspired piece of Writing about Audrey meeting some of the Isle kids with Anthony Tremaine.

Good news: I finally figured out a plot.

Bad news: That took me 2,5k words to do. So there might be a second part.

Enjoy?

Gods know why Audrey agreed to this.

(Actually, hopefully they don’t; however, the gods are nosey bitches. As are the fey. Audrey has had enough fey and magic for quite some time, thank you for asking.)

So she just wrinkles her nose as she sidesteps some flasks and a piece of cloth on the sidewalk.

„Why are we here again?“ she asks Anthony Tremaine, who walks besides her and who invited her along.

„Because you wanted to get to know my– you wanted to get to know other Isle kids, if I so recall,“ he says.

He’s correct, of course. She did want that, as a bragging rights if nothing else. That’s her go to excuse, anyway: „It’s good for my public image; the Isle kids need help. It’s my duty as the princess of Ulstred and Auroria to help them on their journey, just as our king does!“

A sound reasoning her grandmother shouldn’t argue with. (She does anyway.)

All in all, Anthony is correct. He just has no right to say that out loud.

„I meant,“ she sniffs and turns her nose up, „Why are we here?“ she gestures around the dark aley, screamed-out part of the Capital and the higher circles of society pretend doesn’t exist. Harsh notes can be heard if one listens, and raised voices; glass shards glisten under neon lights.

„Any problem, princess?“

„Yes! No– What are you doing in this part of the town, Lord Tremaine?“

„Why, Audrey dear,“ he smirks at her, „This place reminds us of home.“ Us – the Isle kids. He gestures around with the same fake smile and counts on his fingers: „Dark and rotten, just like home. This place sells alcohol for cheap, and with no ID. No one cares. Besides,“ his smirk widens, „It’s not like any other place would have us.“

Audrey has the decency to look sorry for that, and enough wits not to actually apologise. Instead, she sniffs hauntingly and says: „I see how it is.“

Anthony opens the door for her and holds it open: „Why, is this beneath you, Audrey Rose?“

„Absolutely,“ she agrees as she walks around him and steps into the bar; noises and smells assault her senses. If that alone wouldn’t stop her, his hand on her elbow would.

„You ready?“

„Yeah, of course. How bad could your friends possibly be?“

It’s not like they’d kill her. Right?

He shakes his head. „I don‘t think you understand. All my friends, as you call them – don’t do that, by the way, – are heathens. Only one of the bunch who has any sort of manners is Harriet, and, well. She won’t bother. So, for the love of whatever is dear to you, take it slow. And don’t make any sudden moves.“

No sudden moves. That’s not unnerving at all. Absolutely not.

„Let’s go.“ He offers her his arm as they walk down the few steps into the bar. Pub. Whatever. They weave through the tables and Audrey tries to ignore the sticky floors under her shoes; she looks down at it in distaste. Which is probably a good thing, because she misses the stares directed at her and how quickly the eyes snap away when Anthony glares at them.

All eyes but two pairs.

Audrey and Anthony stop in front of a table in the corner, because of course it’s the corner table. It makes sense in Audrey’s mind, something about Isle kids and watching their backs.

She raises her hand to wave at the people there, all of which are rather obnoxiously ignoring her, but Anthony swats her arm down. „Absolutely not–“ he hisses.

„Excuse me for trying to be nice,“ she hisses back.

„You’re excused,“ he says without missing a beat, and Audrey gasps at the audacity, not exaggerating in the slightest.

Then Anthony goes round introducing everyone: Harriet Hook, who just looks at her with icy cold eyes that she shares with her brother and that make Audrey click her jaw into place, earning her a small nod of approval.

Beside Harriet, Ginny Gothel, who blows her an air kiss and gets back to pulling at her curls; „Ginny–“ Anthony sighs at that, but moves along, introducing Mad Maddy next.

Audrey isn’t too sure if she wants to know why she’s called Mad, but she is quite certain she’ll find out anyway.

Last person sitting at the table is Sammy Smee, who actually nods at Audrey in greeting. Audrey smiles at them.

„Where’s Dulcia?“ Anthony complains, „She said she’d be there. Dulcia – my eldest cousin,“ he adds for Audrey’s benefit. She remembers both Anthony and Dizzy talking about some Dulcia, but hasn’t met her yet. Neither had Chad, probably, but that’s hard to tell. He’s too busy complaining about Anthony anyway; and Audrey hadn’t spoken with Queen Cinderella in quite a while. Ever since her Queen of Mean episode, to be exact.

She should probably do that, instead of meeting with vaguely stabby looking Isle kids in a bar with neon lights and a name that’s more of a curse than anything else.

She ignores that thought and instead sits at the chair Sammy pointed out for her just as Ginny pipes up: „Yeah, Dulcia’s over there, playing poker with the Gaston twins.“

„Dulcia!“ Anthony raises his voice, „Come greet our guest!“

„Can’t, cousin dearest,“ she shouts back at him, „I’m a bit busy right now, and I’m winning!“

„You’re playing with the Gastons.

„Shut up, Gothel; are you jealous?“

„Why would I be?“

Audrey tones out the rest of the conversation for her own sanity. (She didn’t need to hear that much crude innuendos in such a short time, thank you for asking.)

…And also because Harriet Hook is leaning towards her and staring at her, and Audrey finds herself suddenly quite afraid for her own life.

„Didn’t expect a royal visit today,“ Harriet Hook states, not bothering to make it sound like a question. She has a half empty glass of whiskey in front of her.

„Life is full of surprises, isn’t it?“ Audrey says idly and straightens her skirt. She should have listened to Anthony and worn trousers tonight, or at least a longer skirt.

Harriet just narrows her eyes at her, dragging her fingertip round the trim of her glass. She looks as if she’s just been grievously offended and Audrey doesn’t dare guess how. Harriet’s glare doesn’t lessen a bit when Ginny basically climbs into her lap to make room for Anthony who slides next to them, or when the two of them kiss. Or when Anthony kisses her cheek.

It would be almost impressive if it hadn't been so– Audrey finds herself making a face at the display.

„You’ll get used to it,“ Sammy says with a resigned tone as they clasp her shoulder for a brief moment, and Audrey doubts that, really.

„Get a room, you three!“ screeches Maddy, and now, that sentiment Audrey can get behind.

Unfortunately, it only encourages the three of them to make out more. Exhibitionists. In turn, that causes Maddy to screech more, both the trio and at any onlookers.

Ginny shows Maddy the middle finger, and says: „Only getting a room if you’re paying, sweetheart.“

„Absolutely NOT–!“

„Or the princess her could pay,“ Ginny suggests slyly, and honestly, at this point Audrey is tempted to agree.

„Excuse me?!“ she protests anyway.

„Yes, Ginny, have some manners,“ reminds Anthony, tugging at Ginny’s hair, and Audrey quickly looks away, „We have a royal visit.“

„You didn’t care about manners much few moments ago, Lord Tremaine,“ Audrey reminds him in the most haughty tone she can muster.

„Oh, I like this one,“ Harriet cackles, „She has a bite! But really, is she paying?“

Under normal circumstances, Audrey would be insulted over being talked about as if she weren’t here, however, she quickly decides, it’s better than being glared halfway to hell. She doesn’t deem it worthy of an answer, though.

Dulcia and the Gaston twins walk over and settle themselves at their table too, which hasn’t got nothing to do with the motion of possible free stuff, Audrey is sure.

„Move over,“ Dulcia nudges her cousin and Maddy, while the twins just steal chairs from a neighbouring table. Good for them.

One of them also moves his chair entirely close to Audrey’s for her liking, and she leans away a bit–

„Don’t even try that, Junior,“ Anthony snaps, and the boy moves to respectable distance.

„When will you learn that not everyone likes you, really, Junior?“ Ginny Gothel sighs, leaning further into Harriet, and great, now she and Dulcia are arguing again. Both Gaston twins look completely dumbfounded by the situation.

„You want a drink, princess?“ Anthony ignores the ruckus, and, why, yes. Audrey could do with a drink. She nods.

„Well, what do you drink?“

„What do they have?“ Audrey is fairly sure they won’t have her favourite drinks here. Or any cocktails at all, or champagne.

And sure enough, Harriet starts reciting the drinks-menu, which so far consists of various shots of rum and whiskey. She seems to have it memorised.

„Do they have any long drinks?“ Audrey interrupts her.

„Sure,“ the pirate Captain scoffs, and she’s definitely judging her, „I suppose they could make you some.“ She kicks back the rest of her whiskey.

Anthony nudges her to play nice, and she starts listing the drinks: Vodka-soda. Rum and coke. Vodka with juice, though she isn’t actually sure if they have juice. Gin and tonic.

„Could they give me pink gin and tonic?“ Audrey interrupts. Aesthetic, you see.

„Anything for the princess, sure,“ drawls Harriet, moving Ginny’s curls around her shoulder. Audrey feels judged again.

„I suppose you want a drink too, Captain?“ Anthony continues without missing a beat.

„You know what I want,“ Harriet smiles at him, more teeth than anything else, and Audrey looks away. Just in time, because they kiss again. Of course they do.

„I’ll try to get your pink stuff, Rose,“ Anthony says over his shoulder as he walks away. Audrey doesn’t bother yelling out her thanks over the ruckus around.

„You’re not drinking?“ she asks Sammy, as they’re the only one who doesn’t have a drink, or aren’t yelling at Anthony to get them one.

„Can’t,“ Sammy shrugs, „Not when this one is drinking. Gotta make sure she doesn’t murder anybody.“ They gesture to Harriet, hands mostly under the table, but she seems preoccupied again. „Or hurt herself. You know how it goes.“

Audrey doesn’t know. „Surely it can’t be that bad,“ she says anyway.

„Oh, you don’t know half of it,“ Sammy laughs, „She’s a Hook.“

As if that explained everything.

One of the Gaston twins nods, as if it really did.

„I mean, I know her siblings…“ Audrey trails away.

„See?“ gestures Sammy, and yeah. Maybe she doesn’t want to. Have they considered that?

They have not considered that. Obviously.

No one really cares how Audrey feels, but at least this time it isn’t personal.

„Anyway,“ Ginny announces to the table, „Going out, be right back. Maddy, Dulcia?“ She stands up, letting Harriet’s lingering hand fall down, and Audrey isn’t looking at that.

She’d like to know where are they going, though.

„Trois, go with them,“ says Harriet when the trio of the girls is already halfway through the room.

„Absolutely not!“ Ginny spins around to glare at the pirate captain and at Gaston the Third too.

„I said!“ snaps Harriet back.

„I don’t need a bloody bodyguard!“ yells Ginny. Said bodyguard gets no input at all, and Maddy and Dulcia linger by the door.

A knife plunges deep into the table and Audrey flinches away violently. She looks at Harriet’s hand on the weapon, white knuckles and all, and barely hears Ginny as she reluctantly allows Trois to come with.

Audrey blinks a few times: What just happened?

„So sorry about that,“ Harriet says, not sounding sorry at all, „Now, I heard something about my siblings? What did they do?“

„Yeah, but,“ Audrey struggles with her words and gestures around, „Where did they go?“

„They just went for a smoke,“ says Sammy Smee, unconcerned.

„Yeah, and they wouldn’t share, bloody bitches.“

„…Why wouldn’t they share cigarettes?“ asks Audrey, mildly confused. Smoking is not pretty, but it’s not a crime, and it’s something social. Not that Audrey would know, of course.

„Audrey, honey.“ Anthony gets back with their drinks, „They have weed at the very least, and the mighty Captain Hook here isn’t allowed that. Isn’t that right, Harriet?“

Sammy just solemnly nods while Harriet mutters something like „I hate you and I will kill you painfully,“ and yanks her glass from Anthony, downing half of it at once. He just kisses her hair before sitting down, and Audrey can’t help but stare at the entire scene, utterly bewildered.

„Hopefully they’ll be less snappy when they come back,“ Anthony says, and: „Didn’t have any pink stuff,“ as he slides a glass to her. Audrey takes a sip and almost chokes on the vile oleum-like liquid, earning a mean laugh from Harriet and a pat on the back from Sammy.

She drinks again.

„I’d like to hear it too, what CJ and Harry are up to,“ Anthony says.

„Well, last time I saw Harry, he tried to kill me,“ Audrey says. To be fair, she was very much trying to curse him at the time, so, she can’t really blame him. She tries not to blame him, at least. Before she can add the context, though, Harriet nods, sipping her drink again, and says „Yeah. Yeah, he does that,“ with a bloody smile.

And, excuse me? Is she smiling about her attempted murder?

„Excuse– Sorry?!“ Audrey sputters, „I just said he tried to kill me!“

„And I said he does that. Ma’s fault, totally, and Uma’s too. He’d fistfight a god if he thought he’d like it.“

Audrey is way too busy trying to process the words „Ma’s fault,“ to worry about anything else. Here she was, thinking that Captain James Hook was the dangerous parent, but apparently not.

„And Calista?“ Harriet interrupts Audrey’s thoughts.

„Hmm?“

„Calista Jane. CJ. Little, blonde, wears red, likes to threaten death to people?“ lists Harriet.

„Kidnapped the king at the Neon Lights Ball?“ adds Anthony helpfully.

„Yeah no I know who that is.“ Audrey shakes her head to get her thoughts straight, „She’s been over there for ages, she’s a menace– I think she keeps stealing my grandma’s tiaras.“

„Sounds like CJ, alright,“ mutters Sammy Smee, dodging a lazy blow at their shoulder by Harriet. „You know I’m correct, Captain.“

„They are, Ettie,“ agrees Anthony, sipping his own drink. He leans away as Harriet swats at his shoulder too.

„Anyway,“ Harriet leans closer to Audrey, „Any chance you’d be up for babysitting that menace?“

„Please, say yes–“ Sammy. If Audrey would have to guess, she’d say they’re the one forced to babysit CJ normally.

„Isn’t she like fourteen now?“ Audrey asks instead.

„Yeah, and? Would you?“

„…I’ll think about it,“ answers Audrey, because the night is young and because she still has her drink, and because honestly?

It’s not like she has anything better to do.

[truckreincarnation]

Landslide | Frank Epilogue

It's a few years after the ritual concluded, on the outskirts of Last Haven. Twilight creeps through the sky, lit just enough to see the silhouette of a storm forming. The few people awake down below see this, and prepare for a dreary day ahead - that is until they hear something from up above. It brings a small smile to their faces, as it does most mornings the witch makes her rounds. If you look you can even see her - the sleek, black shadow darting and circling the hamlet. But even if you can't make her out, those who are listening can hear her sing. She can always reach her audience.

"I come home, in the morning light." The voice croons, clear as a bell through the peals of distant thunder. "My mother says 'When you gonna live your life right?' Oh momma dear, we're not the fortunate ones…" The few Incarnates among the early risers shake their head; hell of a song to start the day on. But the peppy, catchy 80's synth and guitar that trails behind her is infectious - it makes you want to sing along, even.

"And girls just wanna have fu~uun…" Frank croons, twirling in mid-air as she makes her laps over the hamlet. "Ohhhh girls just wanna have fun~!"

Frank swoops back into his home through the big, round open window in his bedroom, shoving it shut with his wing before walking back over to his vanity and plucking one of the chokers off of it with his tail. In a moment his more bestial additions fade away, leaving him a relatively normal looking human with long nails. Or a perfectly normal looking half-elf, judging by the ears. Part of his complex routine of getting ready in the mornings.

A big part of that routine being his "morning laps" - swinging around the nearby neighborhood and plucking a song from someone so he could get his Domain out of his system for a little while. Otherwise he had a tendency to lose control and burst into song during meetings, and he didn't need Harriet getting on his ass again for freaking her out.

Anyways. All-human choker on so he could take a shower and get dressed easily. Then one of the partially-transformed chokers depending on what he needed for the day - and for all that he had to do today, he opted for the one that let him retain his horns and wings. Complicated bit of magic juggling all three, but Germain was a good (and patient) teacher and Frank was eager to learn it. He could do these seals himself now, if need be. And he has, on occassion.

Somehow, some of the people in town found out where he lived. Rumors liked to spread - and Frank begrudgingly picked up a reputation as a "powerful witch" who could help those in need. He did do his best - a lot of times it was a Bound trying to get some help and comfort when reintegrating with society wasn't going so hot, or people whose Domains were wreaking havoc with their lives. He pulled strings, wrote seals, offered a roof over their heads - whatever he could do. Even if that meant having to go all mama harpy on some asshole who wouldn't leave well enough alone.

Frank slipped on an off-the-shoulder sweater that should give him just enough room for his wings to poke out when he changed seals - courtesy of Esmee, of course, and her fantastic sense of fashion. More than eager to swap clothes with Frank or take him shopping (and push him to buy cute outfits)…

…Frank takes a look in his mirror for a second. Looks down at his hands, opens and closes them. "…This is me." He says quietly. "These are my hands. This is my body. I'm…" He takes in a breath and lets it out as best as he can. "…I'm okay. I'm alright."

Frank nods to himself - he was fine. And he needed to get a move on if he wanted to get out of here on time. There was a huge meeting this morning about re-establishing certain connections the previous kingdom had maintained; sometime after that he wanted to check in with Perry to see how the team he'd sent over was doing (and also how she was doing, not that he'd make that obvious). Speaking of checking in on people, Manami (or "Mana" anyways) reached out about some project she wanted his help with. Though he was already sectioning off a couple extra hours in case this was just a ruse for some dumbass prank she was planning.

And that was on top of his monthly rounds to the local job sites, dinner that night with Bian and Nao (and the bacon-wrapped pork tenderloins he was fixing to make) - there wasn't enough hours in the day!

And yet as Frank climbs up on his window one more time to fly into town, he can't help but smile. He was miserable in his old life. Convinced no one wanted him and would leave sooner or later. Not anymore. He had friends, he had people he cared about - and who cared about him in turn. Whatever he had to do to keep these people close, he'd do it with bells on.

Bells, huh? Frank starts humming a little tune as she leaps into the air, chimes ringing out around her as she lets out a pleased little chirp.

Love was something Frank was… unprepared for, in a lot of ways.

He held love in his heart for his friends, for the people he considered family - but had wholly given up on romantic pursuits. Not in a nihilistic way - just, it was for the best. He had a second (or third) life to live, he didn't need to care about finding someone for him. Wasn't that always how it seemed to go?

He'd been dragged on a few dates - set up either by Bian and the others OR by his new friends in the unions. Enough dates to make him realize how awkward he was - what the hell did Ursula see in him all those years ago?

Of course, he realized that what brought the two of them together back then was the fact that they were already friends - best friends at that. They got each other on a level that few could understand. A level Frank thought he'd never reach with another person.

Which brought him back to the here and now, a year or two later. Last Haven was in good hands, and he had found worthy successors to take up his work on the Council. He'd done what he'd wanted - made a place he could always come back to, that would always feel like home. With that done, it was time to do something he'd always wanted to since he was a disillusioned punk with a chip on her shoulder.

He wanted to see the world. Shin was more than happy to oblige.

He'd been doing the travelling mercenary bit for years at this point - as did Esmee, Luz, Germain, Yuliya and the handful of them that cycled in and out of being at his side between the other responsibilities they took on.

Now it was Frank's turn, and he was more than excited. Whenever Shin and his crew came back to town he always insisted they all stay at his cabin, Frank making food for them and asking Shin for stories of what they did and saw. Adventure, travel - it's what every 60-ish year old who could pass for half that would want out of a retirement.

So of course, when Frank found himself falling in love he was completely blindsided.

It was slow, and gradual. He didn't even know what it was at first - just found himself… longing for more one day. His thoughts consumed, his heart full to bursting. A feeling he hadn't felt for a long, long time. Frank was careful to take it slow this time though. He had been burned before and didn't want to rush into anything.

His concerns were reciprocated - with patience, with kindness, and above all with eagerness. Waiting was fun in its own right, and the two of them had all the time in the world.

Eventually, Frank would stop wearing a choker - that became an arm band instead - as something much more precious now hung around his neck. A simple chain, bearing a simple ring. But it was everything to him. It was a promise that no matter where they went, they would always have a home in each other.

Always. Always always always.

It's many, many, many years in the future. The world is so much more different than it used to be.

There's a cabin in the woods that is overgrown and mossy, unable to be opened.

A plaque rests outside the door to the local Union hall, dedicated to a former sitting Councilwoman who helped steer the fledgling city-state in a better, fairer direction.

Kids still talk about a witch who lives in the woods, who commands a beast that will drag naughty kids away and turn them into birds as well.

And walking into town in a girl. Maybe no more than twenty, twenty-five or so? She wears a trendy little outfit, her long orange hair tied back in twin braids as she hums to herself a little song.

She wears a black band on one arm - that was important. She wasn't supposed to remove that for… for some reason. She couldn't quite remember. But that's okay! Who needed memories when you had a song in your heart and feet on the ground, right?

There's a necklace around her neck - a simple chain that carries two things. A weathered old ring, tarnished over time, and a small charm. If you look very closely it glows a faint blue. She wasn't supposed to take that off either, also for reasons she couldn't remember! Maybe it was something her mom told her? Her… mom…

The girl's head fills with static for a moment, the Music running through her head cutting out for a moment as her breathing starts to hitch a little bit. She hated these spells - why couldn't she remember anything? Why why why why-

"H-Harriet, Luz, Manami, Nao…"

She forces the words out. Where this song came from, she wasn't sure (why why why) but it was burned into her mind at least. It made her feel… calm. Safe. Like everything would be okay.

"Avery, Perry, Vee and Vivi…"

Breathe - just breathe. She was okay! She was alright. It wasn't so much a song as a list of names sung to a simple tune - almost like a nursery rhyme. But it never failed to keep her grounded.

She goes through the rest of the names, one by one until she calms down again. She came here for a very specific purpose after all and it would suck ass if she had a panic attack on the way there! The girl continues down the street until she reaches a tavern where members of the Mercenary's Guild operated out of. She walks up to a gruff looking man behind a gated desk.

"What can I do for you, miss? Need to put up a posting?"

The girl shakes her head. "I need to join the guild! I have some work I need to do… I think!"

The gruff man lets out a guffaw. Another strange one. "Alright then, what's your name?"

The girl… has to think. That too was lost to her, but that was okay - she liked coming up with new names! None of the ones from her song though (it always felt like there were a few missing anyways that she couldn't remember), but she thought about it for a second. What did that plaque she saw before say?

"…Frankie! My name is Frankie."

[thetorchwoodarchive]

[img Fics That Haunt You [text is in horror movie poster font] A Rec Fest for Fics You Can't Stop In the center on a black background is an image of team torchwood. To their left are transparent logos for watpad and fanfiction.net. To their right are transparent logos for live journal and ao3]

Fics that haunt you -- a mix of fan and mod recs. Thank you for everyone who sent fics in!

the hands on the clock keep ticking by violetmessages (JackIanto, GwenRhys | complete | 10235 | M)

They all knew it could happen to anyone. They’d all seen the proof. Even if it happened to a miniscule amount of the population, it was still a possibility. But they had grown complacent. They had forgotten that they too were also at the mercy of the Rift, that the Rift did not make an exception for those who knew its existence. They had forgotten until they were faced with it themselves. In which Gwen and Ianto get sent back to 1969 by the Rift.

Don't You Know For Years You've Haunted Me by virtualsilver (GwenRhys, JackIanto | complete | 12803 | T)

Gwen has inherited a recessive trait that has lurked in her ancestors' blood for generations: she is prescient. She can see flashes of where the timeline is heading and can feel when something - or someone - changes it. She tries to use her foreknowledge to change events for the better, but securing the outcome of her interventions proves to be a challenge.

I Sing the Body Electric by Paycheckgurl (OwenTosh, JackIanto | complete | 19069 | T)

In 2008, Team Torchwood investigates a series of robotics robberies. In an unknown time and place Ianto, Toshiko, and Owen wake up in a dark room. Their bodies seem to be strangely metallic. Which isn’t even the strangest development. The strangest development might be that they remember being dead. Or: Torchwood fix it. But they’re androids.

Separation Anxiety: The Continuing Adventures of Club Wales by pocky_slash (JackIanto, GwenRhys | complete | 43412 | NR)

In which Jack is out of town, Andy has a case for Torchwood, Rhys makes pack lunches, and Gwen and Ianto put their detective skills to work.

here is the deepest secret nobody knows by blackkat (JackIanto | complete | 9658 | E)

Ianto closes his eyes in Thames House, lungs full of choking alien gas, and opens them in his sister's house in Cardiff.

Management of Dead Bodies in Disaster Situations: A Field Manual by heddychaa (Gen | complete | 2193 | M)

Darragh Edmonds is a so-called "disaster specialist". Called to the site of tsunamis, earth quakes, floods, terrorist attacks, he takes up the grim task of putting order to human remains, and he does it well. Cleaning up after a biological attack on Thames House should make for a comparatively easy day for Darragh: after all, the bodies of Thames House have even been so considerate as to pile themselves right at the front door for him. That is, until he's sworn to secrecy and sent, alone, to collect two bodies from the building's eerie top floor.

Four, Five, Six by miss winterhill (JackIanto | complete | 1495 | M)

The corridor outside his thesis supervisor's office was cold, and he fought down the nausea that was threatening to overwhelm him. As he waited, he tried to read the notices that fluttered on the board. There was a room to rent in the lower fourth. Someone was offering tutoring in mathematics; that one half-covered a poster about drugs. DRUGS WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE, written in big frightening letters. Ugh.

And Indeed There Will Be Time by kaydeefalls (JackIanto | complete | 42433 | T)

In 1919, Harriet Derbyshire was killed while investigating the disappearance of Torchwood Four in Dublin. In 2009, UNIT pulls a dying man out of the Irish Sea with a one-word message: Torchwood. Martha joins up with Jack's team in Cardiff to track down the errant branch of the organization -- before a time-traveling race of aliens can change the course of history as we know it.

Day Tripper by Gement (JackBessie | complete | 2360 | M)

Bessie's like any other companion: far from home, more than she appears, and always up for an adventure. And Jack Harkness really will seduce anything that moves.

A Vision Too Removed To Mention by pocky_slash (Gen | complete | 13920 | T)

In which Ianto is stuck in a time loop that feels more like hell.

Three Years From Now by LibidineTertius (JackIanto | Complete | 1660 | T)

If Jack keeps his eyes shut (then he doesn't see). Also, sex. Lots of sex.

don’t make me kill you, darling by princessoftheworlds (Gen | Complete | 603 | T)

Javic Thane carries out his next Time Agency assignment.

Stars by DinoDina (JackIanto | Complete | 4020 | G)

The night after Owen first dies, there's a new star in the sky. It's not there the next night, or the next, and Jack knows he's distracted, but he can't answer when Ianto asks if he's okay. He's not.

Chosen Well by Waldo (LisaIanto, JackIanto | Complete | 1707 | T)

"All of the… modifications have been removed, but really, she should be cremated.  Just in case we're wrong."

Note to Self: You’re Going to Forget All This by heddychaa (JackIanto | Complete | 2254 | M)

Three thousand years later, Jack doesn't remember much about the leather strap he wears around his wrist;  all he knows is that the device inside it needs to be repaired as soon as possible. Every year that passes he finds himself forgetting more and more, his mind collapsing under the weight of his own prolonged existence. So he does his best to follow the clues his younger self leaves him in the hopes they'll lead him somewhere that makes sense again. For now, that means one date, expressed as coordinates: 2009-08-23.

Space Dementia by chagyu (JackIanto, JohnIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 14799 | M)

Ianto and Jack seem to be drifting apart; the arrival of one Captain John Hart will either set them back on course or completely ruin them. Ianto's not so sure which, and frankly, if Jack keeps flirting with Gwen like that, he's preparing for the latter. Alternately, how Jack's ex-lover saves his current one.

These Happy Days by violetmessages (GwenRhys, JackIanto, GwenRhysJackIanto | Series | 22267 | G-T)

A series of non-chronological stories in which Ianto miraculously survives CoE in some fashion and Torchwood Three (plus Rhys and Anwen) settle down near the seaside. This series does not need to be read in order, or even in its entirety.

Janet’s Very Big Adventure by Beleriandings (Gen | Complete | 3290 | T)

One ordinary day, the wall of Janet's cell explodes.

yours was a heavy heart to carry by someawkwardprose (JackIanto | Complete | 2064 | T)

The thing about loving Jack is this: you cannot ever let him know.

Bad Case of Loving You by virtualsilver (JackIanto, SuzieMelody | Complete | 4891 | T)

The director of Torchwood One gets a call from Jack Harkness about some shady mind control program from the 1950s and has to go digging for old Torchwood secrets, only to find some unexpected revelations of a more personal nature along the way.

Happy Birthday, Ianto Jones by aliciajazmin (JackIanto, JackJohnIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 693 | T)

Ianto Jones is a sim, and today is his birthday.

Finding Ianto by Blackbird Song (Blackbird_Song) (JackIanto | Complete | 14906 | G)

A long time ahead, in a space bar far, far away, Jack gets a message he didn't expect.

Bilis Manger, the Demon, and the River by aliciajazmin (AbaddonBillis | complete | 1181 | E)

Bilis Manger enlists the help of his crush to help him get across a river. This is a river that they can only wade through together.

Six of Swords by Jackdaw816 (JackIanto, OwenTosh | complete | 600 | G)

The Torchwood team, but with swords

World and Enough Time (Stories From the Loop) by Jackdaw816 (JohnIanto | complete | 7224 | M)

This time loop ain't big enough for the both of them

Jack Harkness' Sexy School of Shooting™ by violetmessages (JackIanto, Gwen&Jack | complete | 1214 | T)

Jack has an excellent idea but no one else seems to think it's good. Only one way to prove them wrong.

Smile Like You Mean It by egg_agemythrusters (JackIanto | complete | 622 | G)

Jack Harkness had a smile like no other.

Dead On Arrival by violetmessages (JackIanto, GwenRhys, Gwen&Ianto | complete | 13582 | M)

Ianto Jones wakes up. The only problem is, he's certain he was dead.

Hohnq by gwendolyncooper (JackIanto, John&Ianto | complete | 1911 | G)

It’s not really a normal day to walk into the Torchwood Hub and find a goose holding a knife, but it seems that’s the way Ianto Jones’ day is going to start.

Waking God by toldthestars (JackIanto | complete | 7692 | Not Rated)

Why are Ianto's dreams coming true? What's in the box with the symbol on it? Oh, and while we're at it, what's the meaning of the life?

keep your hand at eye level of your eyes by MonsterMince (GwenJohn | complete | 8331 | E)

Five years after the events of COE, Gwen still misses her team and what she had. It's not much of a life without them, and when Rhys takes Anwen away until Gwen's willing to move on, of course John Hart turns up with an offer that's too tempting to refuse: A way to raise Ianto from the dead.

left you both of the rings by princessoftheworlds (JackIanto | complete | 21188 | T)

Ianto and Jack are the dream couple—working side-by-side at Torchwood, protecting the world from alien threats alongside the rest of their team, living in domestic wedded bliss during their off hours. But when cracks begin to appear in the surface of Ianto’s perfect world, he’s forced to confront what he knows is real.

One Last Breath by Riennynn (JackIanto | complete | 3441 | Not Rated)

Yet another homicidal alien has Jack and Ianto trapped in an airtight storage locker. Jack has a plan to make sure they get rescued alive, but Ianto isn't going to like it.

Strayverse by NancyBrown (JackIanto, IantoOther(s) | complete, series | 93, 539 | Multiple Ratings; G-E) 

Amy recreated the universe and brought back the dead, but the dead don't fit there anymore.

Conditional Iteration by Beleriandings (Gwen&Ianto, JackIanto, GwenRhys, GwenIanto | series | 78, 082 | Multiple Ratings; G-E)

When Ianto dies on the floor of Thames House, time resets for him and Gwen. They soon realise that the two of them are stuck in a time loop, giving them another chance -- or as many chances as it takes -- to save the world's children from the 456.

it means something by MonsterMince (JackIanto, Gwen&Suzie, Jack&Owen, Jack&Tosh, Jack&Gwen | complete | 11316 | T)

Physically showing his team how much he cares about them is an HR nightmare, which is why Jack never passes up an opportunity to be a fake couple with his team. 5 times each member of the team had to pretend to be a couple with Jack, and one time the team pretended to be a polycule, featuring: Having fun with Suzie in couples' therapy; making an ex jealous with Owen; romancing Ianto in Serenity Plaza; taking a ballroom dance class with Tosh; and getting dressed with Gwen in hideously boring outfits picked out by Rex.

Herding Cats by blackkat (JackIanto, Non-Torchwood Ships | Series, complete | 8061 | G)

Ianto finds himself back from the dead and, apparently, in the position to double-cross a power-crazed Norse god intent on conquering the Earth by taking out a team of superheroes. Must be a Tuesday.

I just wanted you to watch me dissolve, slowly by MonsterMince (JackJohn | complete | 15417 | E)

If John had known the true cost he'd need to pay to cure Jack's immortality, he might not have paid it. (That's a lie.)

took a louisville slugger to both headlights by Flamingbluepanda (Implied Relationships | complete | 733 | G)

Ianto has a perfectly fine morning, then this happens

Jack VS the soul stealing toys by Flamingbluepanda (JackIanto | complete | 457 | Not Rated)

Ianto is king of the furbies

The Bad Neighbor by Firesnap (Gen | complete | 30576 | T)

Rhys Williams knows there's something wrong with his neighbor. It's a shame no one seems to be listening to him.

The Author, The Scribe, The Archivist by MonsterMince (JackIanto, Gwen&Team, Gwen&Ianto, Gwen&Jack | complete | 7530 | T)

The story of how Gwen Cooper helped Jack to never forget his team, with one scrapbook. (Or, Post-COE, Gwen finds Ianto’s scrapbook dedicated to Lisa, and sets about adding to it so she and Jack can remember him and the rest of their team. It works really, really well.)

Grief Lessons by elusive_eventuality (JackIanto | complete | 2936 | T)

"What groaning, what lament, what song of death, what dance of Hades shall I do?" ~ Euripides Or a CoE fix-it in five parts, one for every stage of grief.

A Tale of Two Universes by Paycheckgurl (JackIanto, LisaIanto, Gwen&Ianto, Ianto&Team, Ianto&Tosh, Yvonne&Ianto | complete | 2305 | T) 

In one universe Ianto Jones lives and in another he dies. Only it’s not quite that simple.

tell rock n' roll i'm alone again by paperclipbitch (OwenIanto, SuzieOwen, JackJohn, GwenRhys, ToshAdam | complete | 17055 | M)

Band!AU. In which Torchwood have just about made it though as it turns out that doesn’t fix anything, Owen would much rather punch Ianto than shag him (honestly), and absolutely everyone seems to be Jack’s ex boyfriend.

Caledfwlch by BricklingGhost (TeamGwenee) (JackIanto, GwenRhys, LisaIanto, OwenTosh, OwenKatie, Team | complete | 48456 | Not Rated) 

Jack has a lifetime ban from the afterlife for stealing, Owen's fiance is a right hag, Toshiko is playing children's games, Ianto has a vampire in the garden, and Gwen has a prophetic dog of death following her around for pets.

Everything I Know About the Earth by Sorrel (GwenOwen, GwenJack | complete | 16437 | M)

Spend too much time near the Rift, and who knows what might happen. Gwen's having strange dreams, and knowing things she couldn't possibly know. Things are about to change, and not really for the better. GwenOwen, implied GwenJack, mature.

Exhibit by Mirrankei (OwenTosh, JackIanto, | complete | 38701 | T)

Owen, Tosh, and Ianto find themselves kidnapped to the future. Stuck in space 2000 years in the future, they become part of an Earth exhibit in the station museum. But the portal that brought them is broken, and a visiting Time Lord smells a trap...

Unworn World by Amand_r, cruentum (JackJohn | complete | 10128 | Not Rated)

Jack thought that John'd been way too accommodating through this whole thing, and so he wasn't in the least surprised when the doctor told them that John was too far along in gestation for a procedure.

It Had to Be You by TheSigyn (JackIanto, JackJohn | complete | 12181 | M)

After the events of Children of Earth, Captain Jack runs to the only person who can help him; Captain John Hart. But this is not how John wanted it to be.

[cutepastelstarsalior]

Clone high season 2 live blogging

Episode 6

:( the dinner is going to be sold

Yeah I can see why some people don’t like the dinner because of the racial segregation….

Did some guy just buy to eat the dead wife????

👀 disabled Joan!??? Let’s goooooo!!!!! Detective Joan!!!! Awe cute Joan had a cat <3

“Psylly legs is build up nostalgia the legs get psylly”

….So Joan is just stimming???? (I thought she’d had restless leg syndrome)

If people bullied Joan because of her medical stuff, why didn’t Joan help Ghandi when people hated on him for his adhd? Also man does this town have an ableist history…..

Blood pack!!!!! Same big mood with the doctor not handling blood 😩

Yay Joan’s weird French films!!!! DAVID FUCKING TENNANT???!!!!!! <3 ohmgggg I love him as 10

Heyyy trash Mandy Moore lady is back!! :0

Did I meant I love the colors in this show? I do…

Noooooo jfk cheating on Joan? Wait…or not? Hmmm I feel like kissing another girl is bad…..FUCK is this is Total Drama and the Bridgette and Geoff scene >:( damn it!!! (Yes I know that they are 2 different shows but listen……hyperfixation™️ also my mom thought CH was TD lol)

Yay jfk and Harriet told Joan the truth….oh no Joan is going through so many emotions and drinking :0 hmmm 👀 (idk why but the little montage of Joan going rapid through different emotions feels like something bpd???)

Episode 7

Confucius parents took his sister to Bali but not him :( awwww his family didn’t care if he got lost in the dessert. Man Confucius family sucks, no wonder he tried to hard to be popular online, he just wanted attention :(

:( Abe and Joan army friends anymore noooo. Damn. Abe lost Joan and Ghandi, this dude is going through it….

My favorite background clone is Cathrine the Great, I think her design is so cute <3

The bus crash and now JFK brain is bigger….i think you have internal bleeding there bud…

“As a woke straight male ally let me put my lips on this unconscious black women to show how woke and straight I am” ……..topher bud….

Why is George Washtion Clever peanut man getting bigger??

Mr b using a short to cover his head <3

Ew why is jfk vice like that….

“Lo-fi haunted ghost screams” 👀

Smart jfk…Joan taking the lead. I feel like something bad will happen OR this is a dream.

:0 DJ Mr b!!!!!!

Cannibal dessert zombies….. scary!!

JFK calling people darling is cute :) <3

If jfk brain is smarter while in hot weather/if he’s overheating why didn’t this happen when he’s in the gym or doing sports? 👀

Smart jfk face : ☺️🫤

The husbands trying to snort each other 😏👀

Arroyo are gully in southwestern us….meaning the clone home is somewhere between Texas and California….

Joan wants someone who is emotionally intelligent and emotionally available….she and Abe become friends again……I’m guess they’ll end up together?

Episode 8

Oh snap they actually broke up! Also they co-own a tortoise? Cute

..,,,making the whole school sexual……😬 interesting…

“Where do you want the seaman to drop their load”

“For starters in my mouth” HA….🫵🤨 I know what you are doc

Frida having a crush on Cleo! Was not expecting that…Cleo doing her weird flirting again…was DEFINITELY not expecting that….

Harriet x Confucius is a cute ship….their such nerds <3

😬😬😬 the teacher flirting with Abe…:ma’am that not ok

“Virginity is a social construct” asexual Abe real!!!!!!!

I was going to say seaman I love you but I realize that sounds absolutely horrible out of context….

Singing pirates I love you and you talking about lgbt identity..

Topher the pirates thing you’re into Abe….. 👀

JOAN DONT PUT THE TOURTISE IN THE WATER JOAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!!!! Oh thank goodness Abe rescued the pet

“It’s ok if a minor and a teacher are together” not the fuck it’s not lady!!! Topher why are you filming this???? Call the police????? Topher please 😬😬

Oh thank god she dead. But ahhhhhhhh still hella uncomfortable!!!!!!!!!

The “statutory-rape-death-by-orgasm situation is very troubling” MR B WITH THE FACTS!!!!!!

“So we’re not telling the police?” You can Mr b! Please call the police. Mr b I love you so much for looking out for the students.

Topjer blackmailing Abe because he (topher) is into Joan…..🤨🤨 are you topher?? Are you really??

One one hand, I’m like this is a stupid subplot, Abe just tell Joan how you feel who care about topher and his blackmail. But on the other hand, this situation kind of feels realistic? Like a weird way to talk about victim blaming?

Oh thank god something positive in this shit show….yippie Cleo and Frida got together!!!

Joan underwater with the emotional music…her screaming underwater…..cinema™️ :) Joan and jfk having a nice talk :)…:noooo rip Shelly the tortoise

Background gay couple yay :)

Episode 9

Noooo the husbands are fighting AGAIN….oh yay Joan and Mr b time!!!

Omg Mr b lore!!!!

He has a human twin brother??? HES RELIGIOUS????? Oh snap biracial Mr b 👀

Wait nevermind…. Awww Mr b didn’t know he was a robot :( and nether did his twin

:( noooooooo!!!!!!!! He left his brother 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

OH MY FUCKING GOD Mr b was a sex worker

Noooo Mr b please contact your brother!!!!!

Awew yay Mr b life getting better!!! :0 he got married!!!

Noooo his wife cheated on his and his son wasn’t biological his!!! :(

YES!!!! The twins reunited!!! :0 awew he’s an uncle now!!! Wow 2 nices and 2 nephews!!

NOOOOOOOOOOO HES BROTHER DIED!!!!!!

👀 Mr b was an actor!!!!

🥺 awww he thinks of Joan as his daughter!!!!!!

NO MR B DONT DO IT!!!!!!!!

Oh thank god doc saved him!!!!!!! 🥺

Oh my goddd…..the cliff!!! The choices!!!!!!!

THETE FAMILY AND HE CRIED!!!!

Favorite episode!!!!!!!!

Episode 10

Oh thank god, it’s the last one!!!!

Ponce’s dad is back!!! :)

It’s the last day of the school year…the teens are 16, so there sophomores???

Clone high college :0 oh!!! I was wonder what would happen to the senior class!!

West Dakota?????

Since the sisters didn’t make it into the death maze, do they life? Get immediate killed? I forgot that the government is trying to groom the most successful clones. So I guess this is a survival of the fittest….and since the OG clones were from the first project, this is a very new things. (Trying to make a mental timeline thing.)

The four amgias….

NOOOOO VINCENT DIED (maybe not?)

4 boys who are friends-ish

4 girls who are friends

Battle of the sexist 👀

Also both groups are the main cast….ok not topher he’s more of a side character…but still..

Yay Abe and jfk friendship :)

Ok so this is my 2 favorite episode.

This gives me minor hunger games vibes. The whole government watching kids fight to the death part; not the trying to stop the government and corrupt dystopia part…

Oh hey! That weird one type flute thing, forgot about that! :)

Frida has 2 different shoelaces :)

Joan leaving the group because Frida chose her girlfriend over Joan. I mean, that understanding to be angry, but I don’t think she should leave the group….

Yessss jfk breaking topher phone!! :) now Abe won’t be blackmail anymore!!!

Gay energy jfk x Abe

Lone wolf Joan….hmm maybe she is the most powerful/sussefual clone they made? 👀

Joan setting traps to capture her friends!!!! She IS the most dangerous clone!!!

Ok Joan keeps putting people into holes, either she doing that so she the only one to hit the button and go to college OR she doing that to save everyone from the death maze?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHJHH Joan foster mom standing by Joan, using her daughter and grooming her to be the next leader!!! AHHHHHH I love it!!!!!!! Sidhaisn

!!!!!!!!! Them using the clones as backups!!!! Me think how it was weird that the government would let a clone die so easily!!! They won’t!!!!! The government controlling them to be successful puppets!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! The angst, and tension!!! The betrayal!!!!! Love it!!!!!

👀🥺 doc think of the clones as his children!!!!!!

They lost their memories!!! But Joan giving it back!! Her caring about her friends!!!!

Oh my god the stupid little hands gesture!!!!!! <3

….

That’s it??? THATS the ending? The mother showing everyone what Joan did during the death maze? And everyone being anger at her?

Ok, I feel like the twist to that, if there a season 3 is that her friends will forgive her.

Ok! Thought time!!!!

Ok, the fist half of this so is ROUGH! Like it has an idea (government wanting to groom the kids to be a successful leader) but the comedy and drama got a bit out of hand for the plot. I think want to say around 7-8 is when the show gets more, lore like? Or as close to plot as possible.

This season is VERY Joan centric. It gave her SO much character development. At first I thought it wouldn’t work, it made Joan feel like one of those not like other girls, and loser girl gets popular troupe. The whole love triangle with jfk and Abe was a bit rough. It was weird that Joan decided to be with jfk, after sleeping with him on prom night. But I guess since Abe was with Cleo and Abe only paying attention to Joan after she change herself, it make a TINY bit of scene.

The writing try to make it seems like Joan still loves Abe with that sexual dream she had, but I feel like after that episode, it wasn’t brought up again until episode 7. When Joan wanted jfk to be more emotionally invested in her. Also the whole Abe being in love with Joan? Also the random Abe getting mistreated it felt…..odd?

As for the other characters; out of the OG cast (Abe, ghandi, Joan, Cleo, jfk) only jfk had some character development. At first he was sexual with some emotional intelligence (when he comforts Joan at prom, him and Abe talking in the thinking dock, the whole ponce situation)….in season 2 he was more sexual with some minor emotional scene. I feel like episode 7-10 is were jfk is the most emotionally here.

Cleo….she basically only has 2 episodes for her character development. Episode 4, and Episode 7-8. In episode 4, she gets the crown and gets power hungry, after Joan apologizes to Cleo, she and Joan become friends-ish. In season 1 Cleo and Joan spend a lot of time together, because their parents were dating. They mostly argue but were friends-enemy? So Season 2 feel both a continuation of their season 1 relationship AND just a way to re-write Joan and Cleo relationship.

As for the other episodes? It basically her and Frida because friends to lovers. To be honest while the ship is cute, I wish it was more slow burn?

As for the new clones Harriet and Confusious. I’m mixed. Togher they make a cute couple. But separately I like them more as individuals. Harriet is the most developed out of the 3 new clones. She was awkward and a bit anxious (I think?) around episode 1, then as the show progressed she only hang around Frida, then she became closer friends with Joan. In episode 5 it’s really were Harriet feels the most….developing? She gets angry and worried over feeling Joan about how she feeling about the play! But she expresses herself and that cool!! She also has a weird little friendship with Frida, the 2 of them make a weird little group.

Confusions. At first I didn’t like, he was just a random guy who I hate his outfit. By episode 5, he gets some personal! He wants to have people pay attention to him! And by episode 6- 7, that when you know I bit more about him! He has a rich family who ignores him! His family likes his sister more and seem to emotionally neglect him. He’s a bit lazy and like to go with the flow and not have to work.But besides that…..I can’t think of anything else to say?

Frida. She’s…..there. She hangs out with Abe and Joan and Cleo sometimes. She paints, skateboards, and is the most popular girl in school. Besides that? There not a lot of info about her. It seems like this season had a few too many characters so they made Frida fade into the background…

At first I hate the new Joan new mom. (Candid? I can’t remember her name) I felt like she was a random character that didn’t need to be there. I felt like she was just there to replace the doc and just be annoying? But as the show progressed she was more of a background character that was silly. As for the final; I feel that were she shines the most!! Her wanting her foster daughter to rule the world, that idea is so cool!!!!! I love how she talk to Joan, how proud she was, and how she was going to use the clones as backup or to try to make them more perfect!!! She’s a character a feel like could work If she wasn’t stuck in a comedy.

My b my beloved <3

Topher is a dick. Hate how he blackmails Abe and try to push him and the gross teacher thing. Hate hate the show decided to do that. Like man!! If topper was really into Joan and wanted to blackmail Abe he could have done it a different way!!!!

The humor in this show….don’t feel there? I had like, a few chuckles but that was mostly because from the Doc. Or like from physical gags like the slow float or the couch catching on fire. The animation is fluid and I could see it like, a few times. The colors are a bit brights but I love the background!!! As for the voice acting….its a hit or miss.

5/10

Very Rough start but love the final 3 episodes.

[avid-avian-lives]

2008

(this is the baby swap scene of my rancher omens au - it's pretty long so have a preview and a cut :> dont wanna fill up yalls dashes)

The small English town of Tadfield held an air base in which the American ambassador Thaddeus Dowling’s wife Harriet had just landed and where their hospital had just been closed. It was also the home of a nunnery, in which the Saint Beryl’s Order of Chattering Nuns had agreed to deliver Harriet Dowling’s blond, male baby.

It is worth noting that Saint Beryl was a nun born in 649 who had been betrothed to a priest who she didn’t like, and that she escaped the aforementioned marriage by chattering endlessly for three weeks until he strangled her. It is also worth noting that she received this ability not by praying to God, but to Satan, and that the Saint Beryl’s Order of Chattering Nuns were Satanists who talked endlessly except on Thursday afternoons, when they were permitted to shut up.

However, Harriet Dowling wasn’t the only mother-to-be at the Tadfield nunnery on that night; in fact, a local woman named Deirdre was also having a blond, male baby while her husband waited outside smoking a tobacco pipe and worrying endlessly. It was this man, Henry, who was the first to see and speak to the demon Tango as he left his car. Not that he knew or understood any of this. He only saw a tall and extraordinarily thin man saunter out of his car holding a large wicker basket.

“You left your lights on,” he said. The man sighed dismissively and waved his hand a bit, and the car’s headlights turned off. The exhausted and confused Henry replied, “Fancy, that. Infrared?”

The mysterious man with the basket, who Henry now noticed had bright blond, almost yellow hair and a pair of dark sunglasses—impractical, he thought, it’s night, and I can’t imagine he sees very well—only asked, “How long have we got?”

“Well, I’ve been left out of the whole business. But I imagine she’s coming right along.” This may have been a helpful reply if not for the fact that he most certainly did not know any such thing and was merely pretending.

“What room?”

“We’re in Room Three,” he said, this time with much more certainty. He did, in fact, know the room number in which his wife was giving birth. However, this became the first of a truly astonishing number of miscommunications that allowed the events of this night to play out as they did. Quite like a card trick involving a tricksy magician, they were quite hard to follow, and no one involved knew quite what had happened. Therefore, it will be broken down and relayed quite slowly here.

Tango brought his basket into the nunnery and handed it to the first nun he saw. He intended to get his part of the job finished as quickly as possible. “Bring this into room three,” he said.

Harriet Dowling and Deirdre were each in the process of giving birth to one of two babies involved in the whole affair; the third was in the basket that Tango carried. For ease of understanding, we shall call this basket baby “Death, Destroyer of Worlds.”

The nun, who hadn’t been involved in the plan initially because of perceived incompetence, enthusiastically took Death, Destroyer of Worlds to room three. There, while Deirdre slept, she put him in the place of the second baby, which we shall call “Deirdre’s baby.”

However, before she was able to leave, Henry entered and saw the two babies. “Twins?!” he said. “I didn’t hear anything about twins!”

“Just as well!” the nun said hurriedly. “This one…” She indicated to Deirdre’s baby. “isn’t yours. I’m merely keeping an eye on him while the others take care of his mother. You get this one!” she said, indicating Death, Destroyer of Worlds.

“Oh,” said Henry. “That’s alright, then.”

A second nun entered the room and gave the first a wink. The first winked back and indicated to Deirdre’s baby, and the second cheerfully called out “Extra baby removal!” as she took Deirdre’s baby from the room.

It is worth the time necessary to deconstruct this interaction.

As far as communication goes, nonverbal strategies are often not the best course of action, as they can be very versatile based on the context, which can be different between people. As far as nonverbal communication goes, the wink may be the most versatile of them all.

In the second nun’s head, the interaction went like this:

She entered the room and gave a wink to the first nun, meaning What the hell are you doing, for Satan’s sake? We’ve got a job to do, and here you are, hanging around some outsider with Death, Destroyer of Worlds! Indicate him to me and I will bring him to his new parents for the swap. Then, when the first nun indicated to one of the babies, her wink meant I can’t talk now, there’s an outsider here. Take this baby to the American ambassador and make the switch, for he is Death, Destroyer of Worlds. And the second nun therefore took the indicated baby from the room.

In the first nun’s head, the interaction went like this:

Another nun entered the room and winked at her, nonverbally saying What a good job you’ve done! Switching the babies all by yourself! Master Tango and Our Supreme Lord Satan will be very pleased. Indicate to me which baby is the excess, and I will leave you with Death, Destroyer of Worlds and his new parents. As instructed, she indicated to Deirdre’s baby, and winked back, saying Thank you. Take this baby away. I shall remain here and help the American ambassador bestow a worthy name unto Death, Destroyer of Worlds. And the other nun took away Deirdre’s baby.

Following this, the first nun and Henry had a remarkable conversation involving a lot of You may have some tea if you wish, but we also have coffee if you’d prefer! and We call these “biscuits,” but you likely know them as “cookies.” It is important to remember that Henry was both very baffled and very tired. It was in his nature to latch onto things he understood and dismiss that which confused him, especially when he was very tired. As a nun from the Order of Saint Beryl, she had been talking nonstop; he could be forgiven for missing some of the strange details.

It is also important to remember that the nun was not very good with geography, and as such, Henry’s response of “a small town called Rye” when she asked where he was from was perfectly reasonable.

It is fascinating how different two conversations can be when they are, in fact, the exact same conversation.

Regardless, it is likely that by this point you understand what is going to happen here. The second nun snuck Deirdre’s baby into Harriet Dowling’s room under the pretense of taking her baby away for a legally required weighing. Overall, it was a much simpler affair, as Mr. Thaddeus Dowling was not physically present. He had, during a meeting with the American President, video called in. “This is the most important time that two people can share,” he’d said, “and I’m not going to miss a second of it!” True to his word, he’d had a Secret Service agent record the whole thing so that he could see it after the fact when his business calls were over.

Somehow, in her sleep-drunken state, Harriet was successfully convinced by the nuns to name her child “Warlock.” It is likely that the Secret Service agents were either required by their contracts to stay quiet or simply delighted that there wouldn’t be a child named Thaddeus Dowling IV in their care.

In room three, Henry struggled much more with a name.

“Warlock? Certainly not. Can you imagine having to write that on a tax form?”

“Of course. Well, what did you want from a name?”

“I suggested ‘Martyn,’” he said, “spelled with a Y. Ordinary enough to fit in, outlandish enough to stand out. I wanted something traditional, you see, but Deirdre read somewhere that children who share names with their peers feel as though they must compete for attention. It was the first thing I could think of.”

“How about a biblical name? Those are some traditional-yet-odd names.” Luke, Mark, Gabriel, and Ezekiel were suggested and rejected in turn. The nun started to become worried that he would notice that she didn’t actually know the Bible all that well—she was a Satanist, after all. Finally, she said, “Well, there’s always Adam.”

Henry looked at the baby (Death, Destroyer of Worlds) up and down. Then, he turned his head and looked at the baby sideways, longways, and all sorts of ways. He repeated the name a few times in a few different intonations. He spelled it out in his head and thought about connotation and etymology and all sorts of things without any real understanding of any of them. Then he did it all over again, still thinking.

“No,” he said. “I think we ought to just go with Martyn. Saves a lot of headache, sticking with the first thing you think of.”

And so, Harriet Dowling and her Secret Service agents drove away with Warlock Dowling while Deirdre and Henry Littlewood took home Martyn Littlewood, formerly, albeit briefly, known as Death, Destroyer of Worlds.

It would be nice to think that the nuns had Harriet Dowling’s child discreetly adopted and that he grew up to be astoundingly normal and not at all involved in the events that will follow, so why don’t we settle for that conclusion?