#why do you think you're hearing from me and not a trans woman!

[tinystepsforward]

it's notable that while terfs have certainly discovered me at this point, they're generally not attacking me personally bc i'm not a trans woman

[perennial-bee]

"trans people are only trans because of oppressive gender roles and if we just got rid of the gender roles nobody would be trans" might sound like a hot take, a thoughtful and compassionate take, but unfortunately it is ice cold and does not understand how being trans works at all. meet and talk to and listen to more trans people - preferably in real life - before making assertions like this, especially if you yourself are not trans.

[chainmail-butch]

i was talking to a friend who's a trans woman about this. she used to be really weird about butch trans women, but ended up being butch herself. she told me she was adverse to it because "it was like watching someone leave their house completely naked. you feel maybe a little embarrassed for them but you're mostly scared for how other people are going to treat them too. [she] thought "well, [she'd] be embarrassed doing the same and maybe they were having a hard time passing. but then finding out they're doing it on purpose, [she] thought that they were making a joke of being trans, like they were enforcing the stereotype of just saying you were a woman despite not making any effort to look like one. [she] was confused as to why anyone would do that, especially when she'd been having a hard time being treated well even though she did everything to make herself like a cis girl." she hated having to put in so much effort into looking feminine but did it because she was sure that's just what you had to do. obviously, probably regardless of how she looked, she was going to be treated like shit on the principal of being trans and after actually talking to butches and thinking about it more, she decided to just dress how she felt comfortable and still be proud of being a woman.

That's very interesting to hear. That is the consistent impression I've gotten from well meaning trans women.

I had to wrestle with the whole, "declaring myself a woman without making the effort," thing. When I first transitioned I put on dresses, tried on makeup, and got cute jackets. None of it felt right. I knew, entirely, that I was a woman. But doing all of the things women were supposed to be doing made me feel even worse than when I had lived as a man, which is saying something.

I eventually figured out that there is plenty of effort to being a butch woman. There are still styles, there are still pieces of gendered clothing, there are still gendered actions, they're just hidden in plain sight. They're all the things I wanted to do and all the ways that I wanted to be perceived that I couldn't understand until someone (Leslie Feinberg) held a mirror to my face (SBB) and said Butch. Then it all clicked.

I've been doing HRT for three full years now. I've been socially transitioned for three full years now. It is work. It is a challenge. It is walking out of the house with nothing but your soul and what you choose to armor it with. For some women the armor is a dress and a full face of makeup. For me its leather and boots.

I love my sisters deeply. I love women deeply. I love womanhood deeply. But my womanhood is also deliberately not womanhood. My selfish desire is a world where I can be exactly who I am without having to justify it to every woman, trans or cis, that crosses my path. But that's not gonna happen any time soon.

As so many butches, cis and trans, have said, It is a difficult road to walk and I have no choice but to walk it.

[gettinontopic]

This is so transphobic like what the hell is this

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[Image Id: A large addition to a tumblr poat reading "Also if I'm going to be honest, passing as a man is also just easier than passing as a woman. The rules to being a man and passing as a man are much more lenient than being a woman or passing as a woman. Trans women have to worry about shit like "I need to wear an outfit that distracts people from the fact I have an adams apple, and not allow people to see that I have shoulders, and learn makeup and basically become a voice actor and etc. and maybe I won't be called a man today" (and if you pass too well and the wrong cis guy feels guilty about being attracted to you, you get murdered meanwhile if you're a trans guy and you wanna pass as a man, you gotta like have short hair and hide or remove your boobs and at this point you can already just go to the grocery store and most people will see you as a man. Once you get facial hair and a deeper voice, most people will just see you as some guy. Like I don't understand why transmascs insist on this idea that they could never really pass. Like the idea that trans man who passes is almost far-fetched. Weird as hell." End Id]

Lets upack this shall we?

1."Passing as a man is easier than passing as a woman"

No it's not. The rules to being a man and passing as a men as strict as lots of rules for women. Have you ever seen a cis guys who fails to pass? They're called names, theyre physically beat, and theyre often ostracized from their cis peers just as fast as any trans person. Cis boys cant even pass half the time by the rules they made. Quit fucking lying about men just magically having it so easy.

Your experiences as passing as a man aren't universal and if you've never passed as one what makes you think it's fucking easy?

Also god forbid you're a black man, or a black man who is into something deemed feminine. Shit I've seen guys call black men women for wearing a damn hair bonnet.

Oh not to mention I'm only a man to transphobes when they can call me a "dangerous black man" only to switch back to tryibg to detransition me by saying "you can just be a masc girl!"

2.Adams apple

While you have to hide yours, I have to wear shit that distracts people that I *don't* have one. Cause, and I know this is wild, if they expect you not to have one for being a women, what do they expect me to have for being a man? Hmm? And if you're a man who's adams apple never came in? I've seen them called girls to. Shit I've heard a guy called not manly for missing his, and he was still in puberty!!

3.Shoulders

While you have to hide you shoulders, I have to do whatever I can to have the.. small shoulders on men? maybe if youre in a "non manly" field like music or art, but I do gym work. I better look likeit regardless of the disability that effacts my muscles growth and development or I am called maam by every guy there. Which sucks btw.

4. Makeup and voice acting:

Trans men also are regularly advised to wear makeup that masculinizes them and do voice training. thats some of our oldest passing tips. thats litterally never been unique to trans women. what the FUCK kinda of implications are you trying to put out here?

5. Murder:

Hey did you know cis guys will murder trans men bc they were attracted to them and then found out they werent "real men" and then kill them. shit cis women also kill us if they find out they were attracted to us and we aren't their ideal man anymore. do u know how men who hear im butch and into women behave?

Fuck right the fuck off trying to tokenize the murder lf trans women while throwing trans men murders in the "that doesn't happen" bin.

6. How many times have we said short hair and no boobs dont fucking automatically gets us gendered correcly!! We have voices that have to be trained, we have muscles were expected to build,and some men even watch the way you walk to guess if you have a dick or not.

Listen to any trans men. any of us for five minutes. those things do not making an easily passing trans man fuck you for lying about our experiences as not a trans man.

7. "You gotta like have short hair or remove your boobs"

Untrue! just Untrue. we also have to preform the rules of manhood really well. ive seen beareded transmen clocked for like so many different other reasons and you wouldn't listen to those men if it would save all trans people lives forever. cis men constantly dig at other men presentation to keep each other in line. Its a regular for them.

Also: not all of want to pass with those features. I deserve to have long hair and not bind and still pass as a man and you suck for defining everything around passing.

8. I don't know why you insist on this idea that trans women never really pass without obscene work (when ive met trans women that admit they have it easy by throwing on a dress and wearing her hair down) and that all trans men who have ascess to transition magically do pass (When multiple of us transitioning have said we dont)

If we can't talk about the ones who don't pass then you kinda can just sweep away the idea we don't face discrimination or danger and that's getting us killed actually.

None of us have said we can all never really pass any who say they can't are usually speaking on their own experiences. Because you want us all to pass so bad you don't care that we don't, and that it gets us backlash and hurt.

Also, if you ever read this, kiss my black ass and go reevaluate what makes you think you should speak on experiences that aint yours as if you're the one with the Hard Cold Facts.

[kamorth]

Just had a conversation that turned into me giving my neighbour a 3 hour lecture on why, if your only problem with Trans people is the fact that you hate having to describe yourself as a CIS woman, your actual problem has nothing to do with Trans people.

(Your problem is actually with the people who keep insisting that Trans women aren't women BTW. If they would just shut the fuck up and actually live and let live, you wouldn't feel the need to make the distinction all the time. If cis women and Trans women are equally women, you can just talk about women's rights without ever needing to specify unless you're actually talking about the differences between the trans and cis experience in which case it's a clarification, like how you don't have to say "white women's rights" unless you're talking specifically about the differences between the rights of white women and women of colour. You're reading this so you're fluent enough at reading to understand how descriptive language is used to explain nuance right? You don't describe yourself as a tall woman or a blonde woman or a middle-aged woman unless you're pointing out the differences between yourself and a short or brunette or younger/older woman, so why are you so convinced you need to constantly point out that you're cis? Who is actually telling you that you need to do this?)

There were a few things she said that I was fully prepared to hear - the litterboxes in classrooms thing was one that jumped out immediately - but one thing she said really had me stuck and the only thing I could say was "what the fuck was the writer of THAT headline smoking I need to know so I can stay WELL the fuck away from it". I was so unprepared.

I swear, this is what she said, word for word, as a response to me explaining the boom in lefthandedness once kids weren't being brutally abused for writing with the wrong hand:

Are you ready? Last warning.

She said

"What do you think of the theory that China is making all the Trans kids by putting a toxin in school supplies as part of a campaign to weaken the West?"

I seriously still have no idea how to respond to this. If you truly believe this our thought patterns are so vastly different I am frankly AMAZED we are capable of communicating AT ALL.

[krvrawr]

‘ Little ’ Accident In Meeting Room, Oops !

König x Trans Male! Reader

A / N ; this fic is so long istg, it took me days to write but still have it 🫵 and again reader is pre - everything cause it gives me gender euphoria as a pre-T guy 💕 — 4️⃣

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WARNINGS ; smut!

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IN SMUT ; afab anatomy (for reader), public space (meeting room), handjob (lil bit) , riding , pwp , piv and cockwarming .

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visual smut ; ★ !!

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DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS ONE IF U R A CIS WOMAN, FEM ALIGNED, SHE/HER AND SHE/THEY ETC.

( see our other works, pls. if u dont dni, u r getting blocked. on sight. pls have it stated somewhere in bio, pinned that u r not one fem aligned. )

You had to go to a meeting, but you arrived late and there were no more seats available in the meeting room, which didn't surprise you. When you saw König sigh and pat his lap instructing you to sit there, you felt like your invisible tail was wagging happily. After the meeting is done and the room empty, you try to stand up, but you feel his hand grabbing your thigh, stopping you from getting up.

“Bitte (Please)...don't stand up, I have a...problem" He mutters as you feel something poking you. “What problem?” You asked him slightly confused, feeling something poking you but unsure what it is.

“I...um... have what you noticed, a boner” He slightly blushed and looked away as he almost whispered the last part. When you heard him say that, an imaginary light bulb immediately appeared on your head as you realised that's why you felt something poking you. You looked at him, “Now?” a question could be heard in your voice. “Well, yes... it happens around you." His blush appeared more as he avoided eye contact. You looked at him with surprised face as those words left your colonel's mouth, “I make you horny?” you said in surprised tone. "Nein (No), you don't make me horny. It's just... you're very attractive and I have a strong reaction to that." He cleared his throat, trying to sound less flustered. “Really?” Your eyes widen as you look at his eyes, who are looking away.

"Ja (Yes), really." His eyes look at you now, taking a deep breath as his heart races. “What do you like about me?” You asked him curious, titling your head a bit. "Well, your beauty... your eyes, they captivate me. And your confidence, it's quite alluring. Plus, you're quite skilled in... these matters." He blushed again, clearly not used to discussing such things. You raised an eyebrow, “What matters?” you asked him innocently, well knowing what he was referring to but you wanted to hear him say it.

He gulped, “You know, intimate matters. I think you're quite experienced and skilled in those." his cheeks flushed even deeper as he stutters through his answer. “What makes you think that?” You questioned him as you looked into his eyes. "Well, you're not shy about expressing your desires and taking the lead... and you seem quite knowledgeable about what you're doing." He cleared his throat again explaining, trying to focus on something else besides his arousal. You softly hummed in response as you turned around on his lap, him facing you and not your back anymore. “And you want my help?” You asked him with raised eyebrow as your hands went on his shoulders. "Ja, if you're willing to help me. I... I've never been with someone like you, and I think it could be... enlightening." He swallowed hard, his heart pounding against his chest as he anticipates what might happen next. ”Someone like me would mean?” You asked him slightly confused at that, you gazed into his eyes with neutral expression. "You're... you're confident, experienced, and quite skilled in these matters. And you're a trans guy." He shifted slightly in his seat, his hands gripping the armrests tightly as his arousal became increasingly apparent. You felt his shifting as you looked at him, your eyebrows narrowing a bit, “What does me being a trans guy have to do with that?” you questioned him in light stern tone.

“Well, it's not common knowledge and it shows that you're comfortable with your body and what you enjoy. That can be quite.. alluring.” He glanced down at their laps, his face flushed with a mix of embarrassment and desire. I looked at him, my heart fluttering as I heard him speaking. “So, would you be willing to help me?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper as he looked at you with pleading eyes. “Yeah big boy.” You replied to him smiling as your hands, unbutton and unzip his pants. “Oh, Gott (God)...” He groaned softly as he felt your hands working on his pants, his breath hitched in anticipation as you pulled down his pants along aside with his boxers. Revealing his hard throbbing cock leaked pre-cum, my hand slowly stroked his cock. “Oh, fuck” He gasped, arching his back slightly as he let out a soft moan of pleasure. His hips begin to grind against your hand subconsciously, seeking more contact. “Such a needy boy.” I told him as my thumb went over his tip. “Scheiße (Fuck)..” He whimpered, his head falling back against the seat as he lost himself in pleasure. His cock throbbed harder in your grasp, leaking more pre-cum as you gently and teasingly went over his tip, smiling as at the sight. You felt yourself getting wetter as your other hand went to rub your cunt through pants. “Bitte more” He begged, his voice shaky, his hips still moving against your hand, his need for release growing stronger. You hummed slowly as your hand left his cock and went to unbutton and unzip your pants, “Are you going to..?” He trailed off as his voice cracks, his eyes followed your every movement.

“Just don't worry.” You said to him as you kissed his neck under his sniper hood, making him sigh softly. You pulled down your pants along with boxers onto the floor, revealing your wet cunt and you kissed his neck more. Your hand led his cock to your cunt, you grinded your cunt against his tip, “Scheiße you're so wet” He gasped, his body shuddering at you grind against him. His cock twitched, desperate to penetrate the warmth it finds, “I know and it's all for you.” You exclaimed, detaching your lips from his neck to kiss his cheek through his sniper hood as you grinded more on his cocks tip. “Then bitte take me inside you” He murmured, his hips bucking forward slightly as he tries to push his cock into your wetness. His eyes are half-closed, lost in the moment, “Be patient big boy” you cooed at him. “And don't buck your hips to be inside of me, okay?” You ordered him as you grinded your cunt more on his cocks tip. “Just please..” He whimpered, his voice trembling with need as he tried to control his hips, doing his best to follow your instructions. Sweat beads along his forehead as he struggled to keep himself under control. “You will get my cunt, don't worry” You smiled at him, reassuring him, “I can feel you getting tighter” he gasped. His body shivered with anticipation, his cock throbbed against your folds and desperate for entry. Slight tears begin to form in the corners of his eyes as he tries to hold back his moans, you kept teasing him with grinding as your cunt was getting more wet.

“Bitte, I can't take it anymore” He whimpered, his hips giving a jerking motion as he tried to force himself into your warmth. His fingers dig into the chair beneath him, leaving tiny indents in the fabric, “Uh uh” You said as you moved your cunt away from his tip. “What did I say? No jerking your hips up.” You reminded him, “Do it one more time and you won't be inside of my cunt, understood?” You looked at him straight in the eyes, “Ja, I understand” He grunted in frustration, forcing himself to stay still as you grinded your cunt against his cocks tip once more. His entire body trembled with anticipation, his muscles tense from the effort of holding back, you kissed his cheek as you smiled at him lovingly. “More.. I can't take it anymore” He groaned, his voice strained as he felt the intense pleasure building up inside him, his cock throbbed harder against your tight folds, desperate for release. You slowly slid onto his cock, gasping at his size inside of you, “Remember no bucking your hips up.” You reminded him again, looking at him, “Ja, I remember.” His voice shakes slightly, his eyes squeezed shut as he tries to maintain control, his hands clenching into fists at his sides, knuckles white from the effort not to move. “Good boy” You praised him as you tried to take most of him in you, and after some time you slid all the way down on him and cockwarmed him. “Fuck, you feel so good” He whispered, his body shuddering as he feels you completely enveloping him, his cock throbbed inside you and left no room for doubt that he's fully aroused. You kissed him through his mask as you continued to cockwarm him, he panted as he felt blush appearing on his cheeks from the small action.

“You're so big inside of me.” You panted as you pulled away and looked at him. “You're incredible” He said in almost a whisper voice as his hands finally found their way to your hips, holding you gently but firmly as he tried to maintain control. “You too, you're such a good boy for not moving up and letting me cockwarm you” You told him, smiling as you took his hand and slid it under your shirt letting him touch your tit, “How do you feel doing this with a trans guy?”. “I don't care” He managed between breaths, his heart racing while his fingers brushed against your sensitive nipple. Which sent shivers down your spine and let out a moan as he focused on feeling you up, “You're all that matters to me right now. You enjoy this, don't you?” He asked you, his voice thick with desire, his fingers moved to trace circles around your other nipple and teased it gently, “I can tell you do.”. “I do.” You smirked as you started to move your hips, “Oh fuck” He groaned, his mouth opening slightly as he felt you ride him, his breathing became labored and his cock pulsing slightly within you, “I want you so bad.”. Your hips moved on him more faster as your hands grabbed onto his shoulders to keep yourself stable, “Bitte!” he whimpered, his voice almost pleading. His fingers dig into your hips, urging you to move faster as his cock throbbed in time with your hips, “Fuck you feel so good.”. “Please what?” You asked him, slowing down, “Please don't stop” he panted, his body trembled slightly from the sensations you're providing, his cock twitched, ready to erupt inside you, “Im close, I need you to keep going.”

You started to go faster, moving more against him as you held his shoulders more firmly, “Oh Scheiße, ja!” he cried out, his body tensing up as his cock throbs harder against your tight walls, desperate for release, “I'm gonna cum”. “Ohhh cum for me big boy” You said to him as you went faster and deeper on his cock, “Unh, unh..” he groaned, his back arching as he felt the familiar tingling sensation spreading through his body. His cock twitched, ready to shoot his load, you kissed his neck under his sniper hood, making somewhat hickeys as you grinded your body more faster and roughly against his cock. “Scheiße, I'm cumming” He muttered, his cock jerking violently inside of you, he let out a high pitched moan as his seed spurted out, painting your walls with his release, “Fuck, you did that to me.”. You moaned as you felt him cumming in you, you sat all the way down on his cock, releasing all over his cock and cockwarming him. “Fuck, you're so tight” He panted as his hips jerked up slightly against yours, his cock twitched a bit more, still partially hard inside you, “Did you cum too?”. “Yeah” You breathed out, “You did such a good job big boy” You praised him as you kissed his cheek while still cockwarming him, he relaxed into your embrace, his cock slowly softening inside of you, “It's only fair..”. You hummed in response, laying your head on his shoulder, resting a bit, “We should probably clean up.” he said, voice somewhat muffled by his sniper hoodie, he gently pushes you off him, his cock slipping out of you with a soft squelch, “Yeah, probably should.” you agreed with him.

[valtsv]

Do you think you can elaborate on your thoughts about Hell Followed With Us?

Not hate or anything I’m just very interested because I liked the book a lot but was left kinda unsatisfied and I’m trying to figure out why, so maybe hearing it from someone else can help me get my thoughts in order? Thanks!

yeah of course! my main problem with it is that it's marketed as having diverse representation, like that's a key feature in most of the promotion i've seen for it, but said representation is incredibly surface level and feels tokenistic to me. outside of the main character, most of the characters feel more like checking items off a list than people. the way the supporting characters are introduced is very "tell" rather than "show". like, "this is the nonbinary character of colour, this is the trans woman character, this is the autistic love interest, here are some common traits/stereotypes associated with their identities just to remind you that they exist, etc."

i don't think it was done with any conscious malicious intent, but it does feel lazy, and annoys me considering how it's explicitly marketed as "A furious, queer debut novel about embracing the monster within and unleashing its power against your oppressors." i wasn't expecting to be blown away by a debut YA novel, but i was still disappointed. and i don't want the author to be like, cancelled or anything, i think it's great that he's been successful in an industry that's even harder to break into when you're both a member of and trying to tell the stories of societally marginalised groups. and i haven't read his other books, so maybe this is something he's since improved on. idk. i just think his writing would genuinely benefit from writing his characters with more equal care and attention.

[cowgurrrl]

Keep the Wolves Away

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Author's note: Dedicated to my real life Andies. Thank you for making me feel easy to love.

Summary: The worst decision [5.2k]

Warnings: platonic threatening, discussions of bad mental health, so much flirting that (spoiler alert) might be real, possible THE shittiest ex I ever could've written, all the southern pet names, alcohol consumption, the resurgence of an old nude of readers, gaslighty behavior, smoking cigarettes (don't smoke kids), Joel talking reader out of a spiral, two (2) kisses

"So, it's a date." Andie declares once you're done explaining everything to her over FaceTime. You pause your blush application to roll your eyes at her. 

"It's not a date!"

"I'm sorry, so I'm just supposed to believe you when you say you're going to be just friends with the hot, sweet single dad who sounds like he's head over heels for you?"

"He is not head over heels for me." You sound a little petulant, and Andie laughs like she did when you were in high school and trying to hide a crush from her. 

"Babe, he willingly went on a high school field trip just so he could see you."

"His daughter was there. I'm sure he wanted to spend time with her."

"I'm sure he did because he's a great dad, but he also wanted to see you in your element. It's sexy watching someone do the thing they love." 

"Yeah, yeah." You brush her off, and she scoffs. You toss your makeup brush back into its bag and check out your outfit in the mirror. It's nothing insane— just a plain black slip dress— but now that Joel's arrival is getting closer and closer, you're rethinking everything. "Do I look okay?"

"You look stunning!" Andie chirps. "I'm sure your not boyfriend will think the same thing."

"I'm going to get a plane ticket to Austria just so I can choke you out with my own two hands." You threaten, but she laughs so hard you can't stop smiling. Once the trans-Atlantic giggling dies down, the line goes quiet, and you take a deep breath as you pull your mascara out. 

"Are you nervous to see him?" She asks gently. Andie came home for the summer dubbed The Dark Days. She stayed over when the one-bedroom apartment felt too big and got you out of the house when you couldn't stand the four walls anymore. She took whatever he left behind to his new apartment so you wouldn't have to (and gave him a piece of her mind while she was at it). She made you believe in love again. Not sticky, frustrating, unpredictable romantic love but pure, easy, all-knowing love that can only come from long-enduring relationships such as yours. 

For a long time after he left, you thought you were hard to love. Too loud, too bright, too much. Until you were out at a bar with her one night, trying to find the remnants of your independence and self-esteem tucked under sweaty beers and cracked leather chairs, when someone pointed out how similar you and Andie were. "Like two sides of the same coin," the woman told you. Andie is one of the easiest people in the world to love with her quick wit, creativity, and smile. And you realized for the first time if you had even a shred of that, even if only by dint of knowing and being loved by her, then you must be easy to love too. You must be worth the mess and heartache and stained fingerprints. 

So, yeah, Andie was less than pleased to hear that all that hard work could be undone by seeing him again, but she was supportive. 

"I don't know," you sigh. "I'm not a kid anymore. I've had more years without him than I did with him, but it's still scary."

"I know." 

"I don't even know what I'm gonna say to him."

"He'll probably be too busy with the gallery and everything. Maybe you won't even have to." She says, and you groan at the uncertainty of everything. 

"God, why did I say yes?" You ask as a knock interrupts your whining. You end your call with a quick "I love you, thank you, I'll text you" before throwing your phone down. "Come in!" You yell from the bathroom as you rapidly finish doing your makeup. There's a pause on the other side before he jiggles the knob and finally comes in. "I'm just finishing up in the bathroom. Give me a minute." 

"D'you always leave your door unlocked?" Joel asks. The sound of his unsure footsteps reaches your ears, and you smile at the thought of him looking around your apartment like a lost toddler. 

"Only when I know someone's coming over," you say. "Sorry, it's a mess."

"Oh, this is nothin'. You should see Ellie's room." He says, his feet pacing the floor. You swipe on a cute lipstick you never wear and finally step out into the living room where Joel is waiting. He's wearing a black button-up shirt with nice pants as he stands with his back to you, looking at some of the things on your wall. 

"Well, don't you look nice?" You compliment, making him turn around with a shy smile. His eyes roam over you, taking in every detail or sliver of skin he hasn't seen before. His intense gaze reminds you of how he looked at you in the bar when you were sure his eyes would melt you. He looks dumbstruck, and his Adam's apple bobs when his eyes finally settle on your face. 

"Wow… you look-"

"Choose carefully." You tease to take some of the tension out of the room. 

"Beautiful," he says, thwarting your efforts. "You always look beautiful." 

"Thank you. Not so bad yourself." 

"You like it? Ellie helped me pick it out," he anxiously fiddles with the sleeves of his shirt. "Feels weird." 

"What specifically feels weird?" You ask, stepping closer to him to examine his outfit. He smells like aftershave and the cologne he's prone to wearing. Why the fuck do you have his cologne memorized, you think to yourself. 

"I dunno. I think I just feel outta place." 

"Well, you don't look out of place," you say. "These might be what's doing it, though." You tap the top buttons of his shirt, the ones buttoned all the way up to his chin like a toddler going to Christmas mass. 

"Ellie said I should do all of 'em since it's a fancy art thing."

"Well, you should stop taking fashion advice from a fifteen-year-old," you laugh. "I promise it's not fancy enough to justify being uncomfortable." 

"I'm takin' your word for it." He says as he reaches up to undo his top two buttons, revealing freckles across his chest and collarbones and the tiniest sliver of a gold chain resting against his throat. For some reason, you can't tear your eyes away from the veins in his neck or the delicate necklace stuck to his warm skin. "What, it really looks that bad?" He thankfully breaks through your thoughts, and you try to recover by shaking your head.

"No, no. Not at all. You look really nice," you say, clearing your throat. "Let me get my purse, and we can go." You don't even wait for him to respond. You just turn on your heels and walk to your bedroom. In the security of your bedroom, you let out a long exhale and try to get your mind back on track. 

You're just nervous. He's being nice. You're being nice back. It's nothing. It's nothing. It's nothing, you mentally chant. When you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, you almost have to laugh at the fierce blush on your cheeks and the distracted look in your eyes. "You better get it together." You say, pointing at yourself in the mirror like it's gonna do anything to make tonight smoother.

The gallery is packed when you get there. Joel curses under his breath as he tries to find a parking spot, and you try to keep your anxiety at bay. All you have to do is show your face, look at the paintings, and leave. Maybe you can manage to steal a bottle of the cheap wine they're undoubtedly serving. It'll be an hour. Two tops. You can do this. 

You're so in your head that you didn't notice that Joel parked the car or that he was looking at you until he bumped your knee with his. 

"You okay?" He asks. You take a deep breath and nod.

"Just need a second." You mumble. You fiddle with your earrings, your dress, anything to keep your hands busy as you psyche yourself up. 

"When's the last time you saw this asshole?"

"He wasn't always an asshole," you try to redirect, but he raises his eyebrows at you. "Since I graduated college." 

"We don't have to go in." He offers easily, and you give him a look. 

"Yes, we do. My name's on the list and everything." 

"So?" He shrugs. "The world's not gonna end just cause one person didn't show up."

"But you drove all the way here."

"And I can drive you all the way back. Besides, it's nice having a pretty girl in my truck. It wouldn't hurt to have you here next to me for a little while longer." He says, and you laugh, feeling some weight lift off your shoulders.

"You get many pretty girls sitting in your truck?"

"Just my pretty girls." 

"Right." You say, and he smiles, creating familiar crinkles in the corners of his eyes. They look a little deeper in the moonlight, but his eyes shine differently. Your fingers itch to draw them if only to critique your work and find the answer to why he has such an effect on you. You're aware that you're staring, but you also can't find it in yourself to look away. Not when he's staring back at you so fondly. 

"What can I do to help you?" He asks. You feel like you could cry at the sincerity in his voice. You've talked to Ellie about her anxiety, so you know he has some practice in dealing with it, but he's acting like it's second nature. Like this is what he was meant to do. He bumps you again when you start messing with your purse. "Do you want this to be like at the bar? Do you want me to take you home and pretend like we were never here? Do you want me to go in there and crack some skulls? You say the word— any word— and I'll do it for you, darlin'." 

Darlin’. It's what he called you when you promised revenge for almost kissing you at the bar. Normally, you'd be against any form of pet name. Henry was not openly affectionate in that way, and you learned not to expect it from him. But here's Joel, dropping the term of endearment almost every time he's been alone with you. It could be that cowboy accent or his knee pressed against yours, but the nickname fills your chest with warmth and pushes away your anxiety. 

"Any word, huh?" You ask, and he chuckles. 

"My mama raised me not to make promises I didn't have every intention of followin' through on." He says. "What'll it be?"

"I think… I just need you to be there with me." 

"Then, that's what I'll do." 

"Okay." You mumble, and he smiles as a new wave of comfort washes over you. 

"Okay." He says.

"Okay." You take a deep breath and look at him in the driver's seat one more time. "Let's do this." Finally, you open the door and step down from his truck. He's quick to come to your side and offer you his arm before he can even finish locking the car. You smile, tuck your hand under his bicep, and let him keep you upright as you walk in. 

The gallery is full of people who look way more qualified than you— art critics, journalists, and other artists who can actually sell a piece. They barely glance at you and Joel when you breach the doorway, which you're silently grateful for. When a waiter walks by with champagne glasses, Joel quickly snatches two glasses from the tray and hands you one. 

"Here's to us." He says, and you cock an eyebrow at him. 

"Us?"

"Well, we're sure as hell not toastin' to that asshole, are we?" 

"I guess not," you laugh as you clink your glasses together. "To us." You each take a sip, and Joel tries to hide his reaction to the champagne, but you see right through it. "Not your speed?"

"Not at all." He groans as he chokes it down. 

"Don't worry, maverick, we'll get you something else later." You promise and tuck your hand back under his arm as you start walking through the gallery. 

A lot of his newer work resembles his work from college— normal portraits of things like fruits, beds, or people but with unexpected lines of colors lining them like they're vibrating. You even recognize some from your college days. You just never expected them to actually be displayed in this way, not even when you were dating and telling him what a good artist you thought he was. Some have vague titles like "$12" and "Jack," while others are untitled. You can see why it would get taken in by a gallery. There's a very clear skill in how he paints and manipulates everyday objects into something new. It would be impressive if it was interesting. 

Maybe you're just used to the way he paints. Maybe this is exactly what you expected of him. Maybe you thought he would've grown, if not in attitude than, at least, in skill. But it's clear that too many people told him good things about his work, and he saw nothing he needed to change or fix. Somehow, it makes you feel better, not worse, about your own art. 

"So, are these supposed to be good or bad?" Joel whispers to you as you get closer to the next section, and you laugh a little too loudly. The people around you give you nasty looks, but you can't find it in yourself to be sorry.

"Like I said at the museum, I can't tell you that, but…" you glance around to make sure nobody's listening to you. "As someone who saw him make a lot of art, this is definitely not his best."

"Okay, that's what I thought," he says before pointing at a specific part of the painting. "The shape is really weird right there, like he ran outta space or somethin'." You let go of his arm and step between him and the painting, smiling knowingly.

"Did you study for this?" You ask, and he nervously plays with the chain around his neck. 

"I may have… snuck a look at Ellie's notes." He admits sheepishly, and your eyes widen. 

"You were actin' like you were gonna have to rely on me this whole time! You don't need me to tell you what good art is!"

"Yeah, but I want you to." 

"Oh, whatever. C'mon, I wanna hear what else you think." You pretty much drag him to the next section of the gallery, but he's pliant and almost giddy at your hold on him. You take more time in the next part, and he ducks so his lips are near your ear to point out little things he notices. He said he was scared of being wrong in front of people "smarter than him," but all the observations he makes are valid and accurate. He lets you add your own analysis to his and watches you with a smile when you start talking with your hands excitedly. Suddenly, you're not nearly as miserable as you thought you would be, and you're even laughing together as you jump from painting to painting. 

"See, this isn't so bad!" You say as you move to the final part, but your smile and enthusiasm die when you step over the threshold. There, staring at you unashamedly is the painting Henry did of you when you were twenty and topless. He told you it was for his own artistic development, and you were more than happy to do it for him. You just never thought he would've kept it after all these years. Thank God your face isn't visible in the painting, but your rigid posture tells Joel everything he needs to know. He politely turns his back to the painting and steps between you and your likeness. 

"You wanna go?" He whispers at the same time someone calls your name. You take a deep breath and grab Joel's hand for support as you turn around and face Henry. His wavy blonde hair frames his face like it did in college but he's matured. His beard is a little more filled in, and he's gotten a little broader. Other than that, he's still the same person you met freshman year. 

"I'm so glad you could make it!" He says as he approaches. He doesn't try to hug you, and you don't move to let go of Joel's hand. "You look great. I mean, you always looked great, but you know what I meant," he says, looking over you. Only when Joel clears his throat does Henry even look at him. "Oh, sorry, man! We're old friends. I'm Henry." He holds his hand out for Joel to meet halfway, but he doesn't. You think it probably took fighting every single bit of southern hospitality in his veins to stop himself from shaking Henry's hand.

"'M Joel." He says, and Henry awkwardly drops his hand. 

"Nice to meet you, Joel. How are you enjoying the exhibition?" 

"'S alright." Is all Joel offers, not willing to gas up Henry's ego anymore, and you have to stifle a laugh at the expectant look on Henry's face. "Well, I think we were just goin'."

"Oh, so soon? You haven't even seen the last few pieces."

"Are those any better than the thirty identical ones I already saw?"

"Joel," you scold quietly, and his jaw flexes when you look at him.

"It's okay. Not everyone understands art enough to enjoy it." Henry says. 

"Oh, I understand everythin' just fine." You swear Joel would've punched him if he wasn't holding your hand so tight. You step in between them and raise your eyebrows at Joel. His shoulders are squared, and you can feel the molten anger rolling off him, but it softens just a bit when he meets your eyes. You squeeze him twice to let him know you're okay, and he nods. 

"Can you get me a refill on champagne? I think they're still walkin' around with some." You suggest. He gets the hint, but he obviously doesn't like it. He glances between you and Henry like he's trying to make a decision but folds when you mouth, "please," at him. 

"’Course," he says through gritted teeth. "Anythin' else I can get for you, baby?" Baby, that's a new one, you think. 

"No, I'm alright. Thanks, though." You say. Without thinking, you let your other hand rest on his jaw and kiss Joel's cheek. His jaw unclenches when your fingertips graze his stubble, and his shoulders relax when your lips make contact with his skin, but you know he's still upset because you're still upset. Joel smiles and walks away before you can get a good look at the blush creeping up his neck, and you're resigned to watching him disappear into the crowd. 

"He seems nice," Henry says the second Joel is out of earshot, and you have to resist the urge to laugh. 

"He is." 

"How'd you two meet?"

"Through work." You say, knowing that bringing up teaching will make his skin crawl. He sucks his teeth and nods, the champagne in his glass sloshing slightly.

"Ah," he says. "That's nice."

"Yeah," you agree. An awkward silence falls over the two of you quickly, and you're itching to find Joel in the sea of people. Henry notices your lack of attention on him.

"It's really good to see you," he says. "I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever."

"Yeah, that's usually what happens when you leave someone." 

"That's kinda why I invited you here tonight. I wanted to apologize for the way things ended," he acts brokenhearted and torn up about it, but he's years too late for the pity party he's expecting. "I should've talked to you about what was going on. We were just... becoming so different, and it felt like you were always talking to Andie or other people in the program, and there was no way to reach you."

"What are you talking about? I asked you multiple times if we were okay, and you said yes every time. I was talking to Andie so much because I needed someone who would understand me and be able to help." You say, and he waves his hand like he's swatting flies.

"Let's not do this. My therapist says it's not healthy to rehash the past like this. I just wanted to make amends and let you know I'm sorry for how you felt." It's not an apology. Not a real one, anyway. Jesus Christ, what did you ever see in him? Before you can even open your mouth to say something, he gestures to the gallery. "So, what do you think about all this? Crazy, right?"

"It's... something," you say. "Wish you would've given me a heads up about that one before I brought someone with me." You point in the direction of your half-naked body on the wall, and he gives you a confused look.

"I thought I did in the email." 

"Nope, I think I would've remembered if you said something about a half-naked painting of me from college being displayed," you shake your head. "Why do you even still have that? I thought you would've thrown it away or painted over it or something."

"Why would I do that? It's a good piece."

"I know it's good because it's my body. What's weird is you leaving me without a word one day and then keeping a naked picture of me all these years." 

"I didn't even think of it as your body. After a while, it was just a body," he says with no remorse, and you think you might hit him yourself. "Besides, you should take this as a compliment. Not many women get the opportunity to be depicted as art. It's a wonderful thing. You might even thank me one day when you're older." Finally, you see Joel walking toward you with a glass of champagne, and you take refuge in the fact that he's returning for you. "But, from what I can see, they've definitely stayed the same, so you probably don't have anything to worry about." He says like it's a secret or a compliment. You don't even wait for Joel to say or do anything. You just grab the wine from him and throw it in Henry's face. The people in the immediate vicinity gasp as you slap him and shove the empty glass into his hands. 

"Out of all the stupid things I imagined for myself when I was younger, thinking I would marry you was the stupidest," you spit. "Don't you ever try to fucking contact me again."

You feel like a fucking idiot. What did you expect? An apology? Repentance? Regret? He barely apologized when you were together. Why would he start now? God, was he always that bad? How could you have been so blind? How could you have shed so many tears over him? How could you have let yourself be so vulnerable with him and for so many years? It's a miracle he didn't call the cops and try to get the two of you arrested, even though Joel didn't do anything. You think, at least. The second you finished your sentence, you ran to the bathroom to cry and then snuck out through the back to wait outside Joel's truck. For all you know, Joel (rightfully) beat his ass and is on the run from artsy Austin hipsters. 

You put the lit cigarette back in your mouth and take a long drag, the familiar burning in your lungs a sick relief. You quit during The Dark Days because smoking was something he did, and you wanted to rid yourself of any reminder of his impact on your life. Apparently, at the same time you were scrubbing his fingerprints from your bones, he was in possession of and doing God knows what with the visual reminder of your vulnerability and love-sickness and acted like it was nothing. Like it was a compliment. Like it was just an object instead of your body. Andie would be pissed if she were here but especially if she saw you smoking after she braved all those shaky days and nights of nicotine patches and dried fruit and whatever other remedy recommended to help you quit smoking. You half-expect the same anger when you see Joel walking toward you. 

"Before you even start, I know I shouldn't, okay? It's a bad habit from when I was a kid, and I've mostly kicked it. I just... had a lapse. I'll be back on my best behavior tomorrow," you say as he stops in front of you. He doesn't look angry or upset. He just looks concerned and maybe even a little sad. Suddenly, you regret running away from him when all he probably wanted to do was help. You probably wouldn't have bummed a cigarette from a busboy if you let him. "Don't tell Ellie." You plead. His eyes flick over your face before he takes the cigarette from your fingers, puts the lipstick-stained filter in his own mouth, and inhales deeply, making the ember glow in the dark of the night. When he exhales, he blows the smoke away from you and lets the wind carry it in the opposite direction. A considerate smoker. You should've guessed.

"Don't tell Ellie," he says, handing the cigarette back to you. "Are you okay?"

You shake your head and take a long drag. It's quiet between you two for a while, the only sound being the cicadas and the distant chatter of the gallery. They're probably still talking about the psycho bitch who threw her wine in the artist's face. You don't really care. "I'm sorry for tonight. I don't know what I was expecting, and I sure as shit didn't know that painting was gonna be displayed. I swear, if I had any idea how bad this was gonna be, I wouldn't have invited you." 

"Why are you apologizin'? It's not your fault." 

"I shouldn't have roped you into this. I should've just said no, ignored the email, or came by myself. It's not fair that you got put in the middle of all this, especially when you were just trying to be nice. You're the parent of one of my students, and for you to see that side of me is just inappropriate. I just-" he stops your rambling by putting his hands on your shoulders and making you look at him, the cigarette falling to the pavement in the process. 

"Hey, hey. Stop. Take a breath." He says. Your head hurts from crying, and part of you wants to crawl into a hole and stay there until these feelings go away, but his eyes are gentle, and his hands are warm. You think he might be the only reason you're holding it together right now. "None of this is your fault, okay? Not the painting, not the conversation, none of it. We're both adults, and we can handle these things rationally. I'm not scarred for life just 'cause you lost your temper."

"But I-"

"No, buts. You told me the situation, and I didn't care. You warned me bout the art people, and I didn't care. You threw a drink in that asshole's face, and I didn't care," he says. "The only thing I care bout right now is makin' sure you're okay. Fuck everythin' else." You search his face for anything to tell you what he's telling you is going against his inner monologue but find none. He's completely and wholly concerned about you and nothing else. Not how fast he can get out of this. Not how this might look. Not what other people might think about him. Nothing. You take a deep breath and nod.

"Fuck everything else." You agree. 

"Now, you're gettin' the hang of it." He jokes, and you roll your eyes at him. He takes it in stride, his smile never fading as he looks down at you. You stop messing with the hem of your dress and let yourself relax for the first time all night.

"Thank you for being here, Joel. I really appreciate it."

"Not our best not-date, but definitely a memorable one." He says, and you laugh. You seem to realize how close you are at the same time because you both fall silent. His curls are beautifully draped over his face, and you can't stop watching his tiny expressions. An eye squint. A purse of the lips. A bite to the inside of his cheek. You want to blame your bad night or the emotions, but you can't. There's something more there. Something that's been brewing beneath the surface since he came into your classroom. Something that will kill you if you don't act on it.

You let your hands come up from your sides and tentatively brush against his waist as you stare at him, waiting for him to say something, but he doesn't. He just stares down at your lips, and the hands on your shoulders slowly move across your skin and up your collarbone— leaving goosebumps in his wake— until his hands are on your jaw and your pulse is thrumming against his palm. You pull him closer by his belt loops, and he doesn't hesitate to crowd your space, pushing you into the side of his truck with his body. His lips ghost over yours, just barely touching, and his nose bumps yours. 

"This is a bad idea," you breathe, tightening your hold on him. He nods and presses his forehead against yours. He's still close enough to breathe the same air as him, but the distance feels like miles. You lean forward a fraction as a test, and he doesn't move. If anything, he seems annoyed you didn't kiss him.

"D'you want to stop?" He asks, sounding just as breathless as you feel. You shake your head and swallow hard when he brushes the hair off your shoulder, and you can feel his heavy hand holding you. Your hands skate over his ribs, feeling muscles and a crazed heartbeat, and his jaw clenches. "Then you better do somethin' cause you've been drivin' me fuckin' crazy for weeks." 

Finally, you catch his lips with yours. He tastes like nicotine and smoke, and you know it's going to take a lot more than patches to get you to want to stop doing this. It's gentle and sweet, all relieved sighs and shy touches until you pull away for just a second to second-guess yourself or ask him something. You don't even start to form the words before he's back on you with more fervor. Suddenly, it's like he's everywhere but not nearly close enough. He nibbles at your bottom lip and tests a hand on your sternum, long fingers grazing your throat. The metal of the truck digs into your back, but you stop caring when a little moan slips from his lips when you pull him closer.

This is a bad idea. A horrible one. A bad habit you're gonna need to kick. 

But he might just be your favorite bad idea so far.

TAGLIST: @abbyhaslongshorts @kiwiharrykiwi @sumsworldz @myloveistoolittle @anavatazes @marantha @cosmoscoffeee @shyminnie07 @beezusvreeland @eddiemunsonsbedroom @harriedandharassed @doodlebob-mp3 @ignorethisplz2004 @buckyispunk

[saintjosie]

hey, do you have any advice for girls worried about transitioning when they aren't like 19? anything really cool HRT did for you?

It sucks that sometimes trans people feel like it's "too late" when they're only 25! And obviously, you're gorgeous not to mention really kind and smart, so I'd love to hear your perspective :)

it is never too late to transition.

i’m 32 now and transitioned when i was 29 in the middle of lockdown in 2020. it’s been over three years now and i’m the happiest i’ve ever been.

and the thing is, i wasn’t ready to transition until i was 29. i knew i was trans ever since i was a young kid even if i didn’t have the words to describe it until i was 21. but i knew and i just wasn’t ready.

and in the time that it took me to be ready, i learned a lot of really important things that make me the woman i am today.

i went to therapy and learned how not to be ashamed of my gender identity and who i am. and that in turn helped me be as outspoken as i am about how important it is to have radical self love in a world that tells us that we aren’t worth loving. and that’s something that i really needed and something that i share because i know so many people like me need to hear.

i think a lot of people who haven’t transitioned yet are focused on what happens in early transition. things like your body changing and learning how to present the way you want. and yeah, thinking about and worrying about those things is such an important part of early transition.

but the whole reason that it’s important is because it’s during those moments, when you face your doubts, that growth happens. you learn how to be more comfortable in your skin as you affirm your gender. and the more you affirm that part of yourself, you realize that even though things aren’t perfect, that maybe you don’t look exactly how you wanted to, you still feel good about yourself.

and that is why we transition.

it’s almost impossible to conceive actually being happy when you’re so worried about the process of getting there. but take it from people like me, who’ve been through that process later in life (and people who have transitioned even later) the wait is absolutely worth it 🙂

[purpledemonlilyposting]

Lily is making throwaways to talk to herself now cause she's too afraid to turn anons back on.

[Lily's post]

There are so many golden nuggets in here. Since these are both most likely Lily lets look at a few!

Lily's media takes are beyond just bad, she asserts that the creators of children's cartoons are dangerous extremists for perceived bad messaging in their works that Lily just makes up.

Even without that Lily's takes on symbolism, metaphor, and just basic narrative structure are worth examining because they are some of the most bizarre and ignorant many of us have ever encountered.

But no one "orients their life around you", Lily. It just feels that way because you sit in your subsidized apartment on the internet all day ordering Door Dash from a Subway you could easily walk to. I'd say get some sun but you'd probably turn to ash like a vampire.

As for me? I do something you're incapable of: putting on a show.

No one cares you're trans, Lily. Get over it. Plenty of trans people exist in online nerd culture. You can't hide from the consequences of your own words and actions by using your demographic as shield.

Pfft. They could try. Go ahead. Make videos about me. Hell, Lily, unlike you I don't even hold or delete comments. The little anklebiters who like to lecture me in my comment section don't seem to realize I'm the one allowing them to be there expressing their stupid ignorant opinions because that aligns with my principles.

Lily doesn't make a video about me because she knows I'd just react to and laugh at it. And with any luck YouTube has taken her ability to copyright strike away because she's used it maliciously 9 times.

Also retard. Just say retard, Lily. Not "tradigrade" not "child left behind" not "fetal alcohol syndrome". Just say retard.

You clearly want to. And are bitter you can't because of the insular audience you've cultivated.

This is how I know it's you because only Lily Orchard could be upset I criticized the bland Antarctica anime for being a bland Antarctica anime the sole focus of which is to get 4 teenage moeblobs on a big technical ship. Which is written by a middle aged man who does nothing but moeblob shows and directed by a woman who does nothing but moeblob shows. They both worked on No Game No Life, Lily. You know. This:

The one with the 11 year old loli in love with her step brother. Actually Lily it sounds right up your alley. You should watch it next.

Antarctica show is so full of so many plot contrivances. Why does Shirase just carry her wad of Antarctica cash everywhere and dropped it so carelessly? It's sure convenient that her and Kimari just happen to go to the same school and Kimari happens to hear her loudly wailing about the money in the bathroom. How does Hinata, a 16 year old high school drop out who works in a convenience store think she can even hope to afford this trip? Where are her parents in this anyway? We never see them.

The girls only get on the trip in the first place because another girl who is a child star vlogger just happens to be also going and just happens to contact them wanting them to go in her stead. And after making friends with them she tells her mother that she won't go without the other 3 girls but... the rest of the expedition that adamantly refused to let them on before just suddenly agrees to take them? Because this one minor celebrity and her manager mom who isn't even going said so? Takako only wanted to go to Antarctica because it just sounded neat, she's not an artic researcher, or engineer, or anything that would justify her being out there (a woman in STEM? Perish the thought says 50 year old Jukki Hanada I guess) and she died out in a blizzard trying to get a laptop to email her daughter who she has now left motherless for no good reason. And this is only ever treated as heartwarming and not idiotic.

Face it Lily. The entire show exists just to get 4 teenage girls on a big ship so otaku men can enjoy both brainless moeblobs and technical ship porn. The show sure likes to emphasize over and over how the girls are joshi kosei too. Why couldn't the show have been about the trip of the adult women (who incidentally also act like brainless teenage girls in the show)?

Yeah you guys aren't winning against me on Utena lol. Here, have my post where I have the video walking people through the episode itself. If you want to ignore the actual text of the series in order to appear morally forthright that's your own problem:

And everyone on the bus clapped, and that Asian woman's name? Albert Einstein. What does this have to do with anything except poisoning the well by linking this unsourced incident in peoples' minds to Ant and I?

Also it's Twitter. So Twitter is bad and unreasonable here, but they're not bad and unreasonable when they're squawking at me over a classic anime they've never even watched. Or squawking at Ant cause "L-L-Lily is totes a Native trans woman?? So you can't criticize any of the batshittery that spews constantly from her face hole??"

Ah now we're on to Lily's response to herself.

Oh look out Ant, Lily's got damning screenshots she just can't show anybody right now.

Probably similar to when she happily accepted a screenshot from Poppy of Poppy being creepy to Courtney and tried to blame Courtney for it.

Lily you attract attention when people talk about you because the wider nerdy internet knows your takes are insanely bad. And they know your takes are all tangled up in your personal dramas and heinous actions. They can tell. You're not as subtle as you think you are.

I cut together my response to your bad Utena takes in your 2023 Steven Universe video on a whim and slapped it on my completely unestablished personal YouTube account. It got 5k views in a few days. That's how disliked you are.

Nobody knows who I am but you sure copyright struck 4 of my livestream VODs trying to take my channel down. The 4 VODs where I most talk about your blatantly obvious incest fetish at that. Nobody knows who I am but I've gained 10k subs in 6 months primarily from dunking on you. Because I'm better at YouTube than you are.

And people do bitch at me for saying retard constantly. And you know why I keep doing it? Because the ones who most often tell me not to are some of the most annoying, entitled, self-righteous, puritanical control freaks and it's an easy way to weed them out.

By the way have fun trying to find a lawyer within 10 days who will tell you "Why yes, Lily, you can absolutely copyright these videos of yours full of footage that belong to Viacom, Netflix, Amazon, Toei Animation, Dreamworks, Activision-Blizzard, and many more!"

[nothorses]

Story about what zero trans unity does to a mother fucker:

I remade my tumblr account like 6 months ago and only follow friends so far and one of the friends unknowingly shares a lot of stuff with transandrophobic views shoved in... actually I think they might know but.. eugh..

I've also been have a lot of man guilt recently? After seeing post after post about men not knowing the female experience and it's sus if you see trans men together in public with no trans women with them,, I've started feeling guilty over relating to trans women's posts about transness - especially one about how when trans women don't pass they're not treated like men, they're treated like their gender is "faggot". I do pass as a man, but I am not treated like the men around me are. Whenever a trans woman talks about how people treat her in boy mode I swear I have stories that line up with those experiences to a T ... joke unintended.

So I've been feeling like shit and then I remembered that your blog exists and genderkoolaid's blog exists and that uhh fuckinnn that one with wolf in the name,, and I've been reading through your blog and just. Joy. I am overfilled with joy. You do touch on a lot of issues are saddening, but it still fills me with a sense of joy that people are actually discussing it. The only trans man related stuff I saw before was about how we can't really be trusted, with the odd "trans men are men" added in there sometimes. But, so, yeah. Your blog reminds me that I belong and that is nice.

I am kinda isolated right now so I have no access to irl queer community, but once I am able to leave I am on the search for trans unity irl! Thank you for existing!

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with that! You're definitely not alone in those feelings or experiences; that's exactly why I started talking about this stuff in the first place, and I still encounter quite a bit of it.

This isn't a new conversation by any means, and I'm so glad to see more and more people engaging in it in more serious and thoughtful ways than I have any knowledge of happening before. This corner of the internet is small, but I've been hearing about and seeing real-world change from it, and that's incredibly encouraging. I hope it keeps up. I'm so excited for us!

Thank you for reaching out with your gratitude, it's really appreciated. 💙 And thanks @genderkoolaid for being fantastic as well :)

[miscling]

About Miscling

This is a horny blog for horny blog things. Please don't interact if you're a minor/under 18, go away, shoo. if you follow me, make sure to have some indication of your age in your bio or pinned

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

i am nameless, so call me whatever you like, lin is fine if you need a name. i am a girl, toy, doll, cow, kitty, slut, and ditz. i like to talk to people and am not scary at all, so send asks and dms about anything at all as much as you like. i'll try to respond to everyone!

i am an obedient good girl, who likes being praised. i like being given tasks to do and then be praised for doing the task!

This is a hornyblog that mostly follows other horny and trans blogs. i am a trans woman who has a cunt, i am also autistic and have adhd.

i would like to get to know other poly queer trans people who are very kinky and would especially like messages/follows from them. i am a fun trans sub looking for other trans people ^^ i am mostly T4T, but cis people are fun to play with too! I am in the UK, and would desperately like to hear from any other queer trans people that are also here.

i (re)blog about edging, hypno kink, bdsm, fetishwear, tickling, masochism, petplay (i'm a kitty), hucows/lactation, monsterfucking, CNC, mindbreaking, dollification, dronification, and a lot of generally weird horny things that i'm into. i'm an exhibitionist, submissive, and easily controlled by people who make me feel safe. i'm just a dumb horny girl who is controlled by her cunt. i do not consider myself a person but a toy, i am not a person in the way a cherished item or pet is not a person.

Real people don't wish they weren't people, after all.

Also, i started collecting likes on my previous pinned, saying if i got to 100 notes I'd start sharing links to my edging audios on my blog. If i carry on, and got up to 31 on my last pinned, then this one only needs to get to... 69 (hehe nice) before i'll start doing it. You should like this post if you read it!

Tags and links:

About Miscling contains every post that's about me.

You can find pics of me in Miscling Appears. (it's okay to go on a reblogging and liking spree through them) i make original posts under Miscling Rambles and posts about my lactation journey in Miscling Lactates i also make polls, which you can find in my Miscling Polls tag. you can hear my voice in the Miscling Speaks tag and over at my soundgasm page!

You can send me tasks with my ask tasks meme! I will take tasks from literally anyone ^^ you can see tasks I've done here! If you like or follow my blog, think about sending me a task as a little gift!

I learned to edge last year and was broken by a poll I ran to get permission to cum here then here and here. i hope to never cum again without being forced. i can't be forced to cum over the internet. i kept an edging diary for a while and my last orgasm was 1feb24.

I love to write, and I especially like to write about kink. Read bits about my play with Miscling Plays and stories I wrote with Miscling Writes.

Use my ask box liberally, anon or not. i'll answer near anything and you can use my ask meme tag and miscling answers to find questions to ask me (scroll the tag and use any meme you like, but copy in the questions or link the meme!)

I have a lovense wishlist (long distance remote vibrators)

I have an amazon wishlist (lingerie and random kink things)

I have a cashapp link (if you just want to tip me directly)

I have a ko-fi link! (please don't reference anything nsfw on kofi if you use this)

I'm trying to tag my kinks so i can find them when i want them, this is no guarantee that i'll tag things though. mommysub for posts about being a mommysub, goddess thoughts for religionplay where i'm a subby goddess, Bind Miscling for bondage, hit me for masochism, moo for hucow things, lee mood for tickling, oh my circuits for robot/drone things, maid day for maids, tidy up tuesday for my maid day, monsterling for monsterfucking posts, hypno gif, spiral, hypno txt, and hypnaudio, for hypno play, and hypnoslut for general hypno posts, preyling for primal play, latexcellent for rubberwear, and as i figure out others i'll add them...

I'm a slutty set of holes, a toy for others to use. Fill my mouth, cunt, and ass.

Also, I have some limits:

i have a nest partner, i won't let anything come between us

i do not like misogyny, transphobia, racism, or bigotry. This applies to kink too.

i don't like possessive language, only people i trust can own me

please don't try to make me cum or ask/tell me to

don't call me a bitch or a puppy. i like puppy petplayers a lot, but i am a kitty petplayer.

i don't like being treated as inferior, i might be submissive, but i should still matter and be treated with care and respect

sissy blogs dni, i am a woman, do not reblog my pics to your sissy blog, i will block you if i spot you.

i am a toy for others to enjoy!

(Most tasks recieved and completed in one day: 18) (Most tasks recieved on a special occasion: 48)

ASK TASKS: OPEN

use my ask box to send me tasks to do! i'd love to entertain and perform for you all! i am a good and obedient girl, and i enjoy getting tasks to do!

choose one or more task emoji and send them to me! include instructions if you send complicated tasks

tasks can come from anyone, even anons!

i'll do tasks as soon as i can! i have to finish my work wach day before i can play and i've grown very busy lately. basic tasks i'll do on my own, but i'll need help for the slightly more complicated ones so they might be a little while! Mutuals can DM me with DM tasks, and if i'm available we'll play ^^

task list below the readmore

BASIC TASK LIST!

🗜️ make me wear nipple clamps for 5 minutes! 📦 make me wear 10 pegs on my cunt for 10 minutes! 🤚 make me slap my cunt 5 times! ⚡ choose a part of me and make me use my TENS unit there for 10 mins. 🪆 dolly time! for the next 30 mins make me cup my hands, stay on my tip toes, and arch my back. 😺/🐮 petplay! for the next 30mins, make me keep off my furniture and only move around on all fours. make me put on my animal ears based on which one you send! 🤖 make me a good robot and complete one thing on my to-do list! ♾️ make me get my breast cups and pump my breasts for 15 mins! 🤐 make me gag myself for half an hour! (tell me what kind of gag to use and if I have it I'll use it, otherwise I'll pick) 🧣 make me put on my collar if i'm not already wearing it! 👗 make me get undressed and be naked for the next 30 mins! ✏️ make me write what you tell me on my body where you tell me! 💖 make me draw a little heart on myself where you tell me! 😵‍💫 make me stare at a spiral for 5 minutes (send me a spiral to use) (i won't use spirals that give me bad vibes, but i'll use any i've already reblogged) 🗣️ ask me anything, name a kink or give me a topic to write about (kinky or otherwise) and make me infodump about it. 🔊 send me a post or a write something for me to record saying, and i'll post the recording. 📝 make me go add 100 words to my current WIP novel. 🫴 make me edge for 10 minutes (Send me instructions, porn, a post to edge to, or a mantra to repeat while I do it, you can use my mantra tag for ideas. i cannot do this task on thursdays) 🕳️ make me fill up a hole for 10 minutes! (Choose to plug my cunt or/and ass, i cannot do this task on thursdays) 👅 make me stick my tongue out for 10 minutes! 💋 make me go practice deepthroating for 5 mins! 🍇 make me go get a snack and a drink! ❌ make me go take a break outside for 5 mins! 😴 make me go lay down in bed for 15 mins, no screens allowed.

SLIGHTLY MORE COMPLICATED TASK LIST!

👋 i'll ask my nestie to tickle me for 5 mins! (check my toybox) 🖐️ i'll ask my nestie to slap me 10 times! choose my face or tits 🏓 i'll ask my nestie to hit me 10 times! choose my ass or thighs (check my toybox) 👣 i'll ask my nestie to put elastic bands around my feet and snap the band against my soles 10 times. (nestie enjoys doing this to me) 🫶 i'll ask my nestie to choke me and hold my breath over a 5 minute session (please do not mix with other tasks) ⛓️ i'll get myself tied up and restrained for 30 mins! 🥊 No hands! make me put on my hand mitts for 15 minutes!

DM TASKS

If we're mutuals, you can dm me and play with me in other ways. Ask me for my lovense toy control links, combine tasks into one bigger task, send me files to listen to or hypnotise me yourselves, make me wear a diaper or control my toilet use, or suggest other things to do with me that you'd like! Non-mutuals who've gotten to know me can ask to play too.

Or...

⁉️ Give me a task not listed! (You can find the contents of my toybox here for ideas) (I reserve the right to safeword, but I'm very open and obedient, so shoot your shot)

[fernlessbastard]

Opinions on transfem/Trans woman c!Wilbur? If you havent already, since its a slightly popular Hc w c!W

honestly I'm mostly indifferent ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

it's not for me, but like I've got no particularly strong feelings either way. I can absolutely see a lot of reasons for that reading - it all does fit, so it's not a matter of there being no justification, but more so just personally I just don't hold that headcanon

the thing with either of them being trans is that like, I am for some reason oddly attached to Quackity being specifically and strictly a man who's into men, or at the very least masc individuals - maybe it's cause I just started off with that "hc" (I mean it is kinda pretty heavily canon - I don't recall him ever flirting with a woman). Wil being mtf would obviously make all of that very complicated - each time I start to think about it I can't help but think if 1. is there any way for Q to still be into Wil without that invalidating Wil's gender identity 2. is there any way for Q - a gay man - to have feelings for a woman that doesn't invalidate his sexual identity Like, exceptions happen, but mm idk It's obvioulsy completely different if you hc Q as pan/bi/homoflexible/whatever else, but yeah personally I'm just really attached to the idea of Q being strictly homosexual

When it comes to the nonbinary umbrella it's kinda similar (with both being amab) - with Wil it works i'd say, there isn't as much of a conflict with Quackity's sexuality, but again, I'm mostly indifferent and you do you; with Q it just kinda doesn't quite fit for me - idk he just has relatively binary man vibes imo

in regards to other combinations of one/both of them being trans: > Wil's ftm - yeah sure I'm down with that, good for him, I don't actively hc that but like yeah no conflict there, plus I guess it'd explain how he had Fundy - though fantasy mpreg makes it so much funnier > Q's mtf - idk personally i just don't feel it in the slightest. He doesn't really give me any of those vibes. Especially considering things like the fact that he's short, has longer hair, is/used to be a sex worker (with presumably male clients), is heavily (and at the very least primarily, if not exclusively) into men, canonically has a big ass, etc, so it just really doesn't sit right with me to then have him be mtf - I just want some more representation of those characteristics in men for once, y'know? It's just feels like it's perpetuating stereotypes. Of course there is no wrong way to be trans - if you're trans, you're trans, and that is valid and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But we're talking about a fictional character, so if we have a character that's amab, likes men, is a sex worker, is short, has long hair, isn't trying to be this stereotypical "perfect big strong alpha male", is emotionally invested in their romantic life (which additionally is messy), then turning around and saying "woman" just feels like we're just going off stereotypes, and ignoring an example of a great, rare, pretty subversive representation of a man who might come off as feminine at times, but is still fully a man, and all those things that are stereotypically assigned to women and a fem gender identity don't make him any less of a man. Especially the fact that he's into men - it does personally just immediately remind me of all the "a gay man is just a woman" talk (and maybe it's cause I'm from Poland and in my 20s now so i really did grow up hearing those sentiments quite a lot). And obviously i'm not saying that that's what you're doing when you hc Q as mtf, but i am explaining my personal headcanons and reasonings for them, as well as reasoning for why I don't headcanon other things. > Q's ftm - ok so, it fits. And I really really hate that it fits. It would make so much sense but holy fuck guys I cannot handle that ok - I'm ftm, and if he's cis then I can like at least partially remove myself from all of that... but if he's ftm then holy fucking shit everything just hits so much harder like guys I'm not strong enough to handle the pain of seeing this much of myself in him ok I will simply collapse, like him being seen as an object and sexualised and put down and belittled and pressured to be all submissive and shit just hits so completely different if you see it through the lenses of him being ftm and let me fucking tell you I am NOT ready for the breakdown thinking about it and how similar and in some cases identical to my own experiences it all is would cause m > ANYWAY with them both being trans it's just a combination of my previous thoughts as they apply ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

hope that answers your question UwU anyway ha ha bye--/lh

[ashc-from-ao3]

When are you going to realize I don’t care

Remus Lupin x reader

This is meant as a continuation of I could never leave you, I love you too much. But can be read as a solo story

Today was like every other day. Well, it was more like every day after a full moon, you were cuddled up with your boyfriend, Remus. Four months ago you had found out the kind sweet Gryffindor was a werewolf. You had snuck out if your Slytherin dormitory wondering why Remus was always weird and extra cuddly a few days each month. You had wondered a few times if he was a trans woman and was on his period. That thought had been expelled from your mind when you went to go find him and instead found a werewolf. The creature had attacked you and knocked you unconscious, upon waking up you heard Remus spill all, he was the werewolf and he thought for sure you would break up with him. If you didn't because he was a werewolf you certainly would because he attacked you. Luckily he hadn't bitten you only a scratch here or there, you personally thought the new scar you had down your right arm was cool. Remus never did.

You were in a tee shirt today, lounging with Remus by the black lake. You heard a heavily sigh from bI side you and felt a finger trace your scar. You turned to look at Remus and frowned at what you saw. His face was downcast and he looked on the verge of tears. You quickly cupped the boy's face and kissed him softly.

"Remus, don't. It's in the past, you didn't bite me. You only scratched me, I'm fine." Remus sniffed a few times trying to hold back the flood of tears you knew he was hiding. He lurched forward and wrapped his arms around you in a tight hug.

"It haunts me, everytime I hear 'it's a full moon soon' it haunts me. Thinking what I could have done to you. I could have turned you, killed you....there's so much worse that I could have done to you. I could have turned you, killed you....a concussion and a scar..you're lucky (Y/n)...I keep waiting for you to realize what I am, how dangerous I am. I keep waiting for you to leave me...." Remus pulled back and looked down, a few tears falling from his eyes. You gently took his face and forced him to look at you.

"Remus When are you going to realize that I don’t care* I love you, you're so worried I'm going to leave. I promise you, even death couldn't take me from you....after all, I'd have to haunt the next man or woman to come into your life. Make sure they're good enough for my Remmy" the brunet boy gave you a small smile and pecked your cheek.

"I'm not sure I'll ever fully see what you do. But I'm happy to have you with, and I'll happily keep you here until,I do see what you see." You pulled Remus into another hug, gently rubbing his back.

"That's all I can ask Remmy, let me stay with you. That's all I want"

[velvetvexations]

(this is from yesterday so this entire thing is written out and just copy pasted in.)

The more I see how you've been treated by other trans people, the more hollow all the posts repeating variations of 'love all trans women! Listen to all trans women! Have kindness and grace for all trans women! Even the bad and ugly and annoying ones!' become to me.

One one hand, these posts almost without fail dissolve into active vitriol the moment someone (foolishly and naively) tries to mention any other kind of trans person, which the OPs often shut down and treat as insulting, hostile, nefarious or a deliberate attempt to take away (steal?) the kindness away from transfems (like it's a finite resource?)

On the other, I follow a lot more transfems than transmascs, meaning I got to see how some of them felt about it. The anecdote that lasered itself into my brain was seeing a butch trans woman saying she felt bitter and kinda hopeless sharing that kind of message because her experience was that not even other trans women had any kindness or grace for her.

And then how this has played out for you. You and another trans woman disagreed, and instead of saying 'you're annoying me and I disagree with your opinion' she presented you as misgendering her (it's apparently not enough that you use they/them by default to account for all the genderfuckery on Tumblr. How dare you not be clairvoyant.), she didn't care that you corrected yourself and told the person crawling out of the woodwork to talk shit about her to fuck off, she said you 'threatened to share' her nsfw account when you censored the url and told the anon to get lost, and blamed you for a shitstorm resulting from her saying something controversial.

Going further, you get that asshole demanding you 'give the URL of your transfem mutuals'. It reminds me of how everyone, including other transfems, were screaming at Tumblr's CEO to show 'proof' that predstrogen had said or done something worthy of being banned. And it's just... Does anyone hear themselves? Why is everyone okay demanding personal or potentially intimate information about transfems for the sake of 'proof?' Why do you have to hand off the URLs of people you know so some asshole can presumably judge them and dismiss them for not being good enough? Does no one else find it insane that it's okay to bulldoze transfem's privacy for the sake of 'proof'?

Is this why those positivity posts are so often structured like commands? So that everyone can nod their head and pat their backs self righteously for doing the 'right thing' of passing this command along to the unspecified OTHER meant to ACTUALLY work on treating transfems better? Did everyone press the reblog button to look good or something? I thought everyone, trans people included, agreed that the point was tangibly and personally putting in some effort to do better?

I always internalised those posts as a rallying cry to do better, all of us, but it seems like it's played out as an excuse for people to use personal pain to justify lashing out and pushing the DOING better part onto 'someone else'.

Yeah, like. So much of it just comes off as virtue signaling? I recently got accused of being an anti-SJW for using that term lol but that's an actual thing that actually happens. It's so performative. It's theory.

And it really does frustrate me that I can't take those posts seriously. Regardless of what anyone else thinks, I have serious chest thumping anxiety about the constant, terrifying situation we're all in. We as in "me as well". So I want to take comfort in those posts that are about how the OP will support trans women with their dying breath, I did take comfort in those posts, but then I look for five seconds on OP's blog and find ten posts about transandro bros and I want to never hear someone say they support me ever again because they're all fucking snakes and their support is completely worthless to me.

[sosickoflostpassword]

It's pride month! Let's make a list of One Piece characters I head cannon as in the LGBT+ community!

First up is the Captain himself, Luffy

Don't go getting too hot ladies and gents, this bachelor is off the market.

My opinion is that Luffy is Aro/Ace (not that one).

The reality is that unless you are food, friends, or adventure then you probably won't find yourself meaning much of anything to this delightfully joyous fellow.

In short the man has things to do and none of those things include sex or romance.

Top ships: none

Secondary ships: also none

Next up we got the navigator, Nami

This pretty lady capture hearts wherever she goes!

My opinion is that she is Bisexual.

Man or woman you'll have a chance with her... for a price.

Just be sure to protect her and her treasure because she is not interested in the fighting thing. She's a damn queen and very much inclined to act like one.

Top ships: Zoro x Nami

Secondary ships: Sanji x Nami, Vivi x Nami, Wanda x Nami

Now let move on to the ships cook, Sanji!

The man is complicated but hear me out.

It is my opinion that he is bisexual.

He cooks hard and simps harder but perhaps there's something going on underneath. He certainly has a soft side which he shows to women almost exclusively. (Key word is almost my friends)

He certainly likes women but perhaps he's overcompensating for something.

Top ships: Sanji x Nami (it would have been pudding if she was at all older but I digress)

Secondary ships: Sanji x Violette, Sanji x Ace

Speaking of Ace let's look at the little firecracker.

Boy what a looker, and seems to me he thinks similarly about a lot of people because it is my opinion that Ace is ...

Pansexual.

Whether you're sporting feminine, masculin, or neither energy Ace is the guy who's eating it up.

Just get him talking about his brother and he goes all mushy for you. Perhaps it's the genuine connection and interest in each other's lives and feelings that really get him going.

Top ships: Ace x Yamato

Secondary ships: Ace x Sanji, Ace x Vivi

Now let's talk about the top Ace partner for me.

Yamato/Oden

Bro heard the term "dress for the job you want not the job you have" and ran with it.

It is my opinion that Yamato/Oden is pansexual and transgender.

This can be quite the hot topic considering his reason for his transition and how he present himself but for me it is cut and dry. Guy says he's a dude and that's all that I'm gunna care about because let's be honest he is THE DUDE.

Yamato values his strength and values sincerity. He's fun loving and always looking for excitement in life. He found those values presented in his biggest idol, Oden. So it is my opinion that he did not change to be more like Oden but found courage in being himself because he discovered Oden.

Top ships: Ace x Yamato

Secondary ships: none

Who can talk about Trans icons in OP without including Kiku!

Kiku lives her life unashamedly herself. She makes no fuss or muss about it either.

I have no head cannon regarding her sexuality as I got no vibes during my time watching her on screen of one or another but Kiku is, not just by my opinion but canonically, transgender.

Strong, elegant, and thoughtful her path in life did not take away from any of her responsibilities or ther seriousness in which she takes them. One of the ayakaza 9 samurai sworn ro protect Oden and his family. They certainly didn't have any I'll feelings towards her and her identity so why should anyone else.

Top ships: none at this time

Secondary ships: none

Let's dive more into gender identity actually by bringing forth the goat himself. The man. The myth. The legend.

Bonclay.

He is beauty, he is grace, he is missus steal your face.

It is my opinion that Bonclay is gender non conforming!

He goes by he him pronouns but makes no effort to explain nor justify his presentation or mannerisms. No should he! He's perfect the way he is.

I've seen no romantic vibes from Bon Chan as of now but he's too busy being the real MVP of every arc he appears in to have the time it would seem. And that's fine by me.

Top ships: none

Secondary ships: none

It's getting to be quite long so I will cap this off with the top of the top. THE person to go to in the one piece verse regarding gender and sexual identity.

IVANKOV.

He? She? They? It doesn't matter. It's all the same to Ivankov who strikes me as Gender fluid in its purest form.

Believing a person's gender or appearance shouldn't limit them and that every single person should strive for true happiness within themselves regardless if that looks like how they were born or not!

Ivankov has a unique ability to help with that by injecting hormones into those willing (eh sometimes not) to bring about their truer selves.

Ivankov runs the Queendom! A land seemingly dedicated to challenging gender stereotypes with a beautiful scenic background to cap it off.

You're doing the lords work my friend.

Top ships: none

Secondary ships: none

If someone you head cannon in the LGBT+ community isn't on this list that's fine! I'm sure I didn't get them all and there are some that I probably don't head cannon that way. For example it is my opinion that Zoro, Brooke, Robin, and Franky are straight and cis. Jimbei I want to watch more of first and chopper, as a little child bean, doesn't feel right to me to be head cannoning in these ways.