#widowhood

[lovethisfat37]

I feel like me today. Grief feels a little less all consuming at the moment and I'm grateful 💜

[livinglifewidowed]

Everyone grieves differently. There is no correct way to grieve.

Grief is not a disease that needs to be healed. Grief is a normal response to the loss of a loved one.

The key is to learn to live with grief. To accept grief and make peace with grief.

My grief is my roommate that shares my psyche, my soul, my emotions.

Like any good roommates we have house rules in order to dwell together in peace.

You don't get over grief nor move past grief. You move forward, into your grief.

You learn to live and grieve simultaneously.

To be successful at Living Life Widowed ypu learn to smile through your tears.

[stabbedbyjim]

An absolute icon.

[southernwidow]

Fear

I’ve always known fear, but never like I have since becoming a widow. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the future. Fear of leaving this earth before my small children are grown. Fear of leaving my small children orphaned. These fears also fill me with a whole new level of anxiety. The constant worry, the constant lack of sleep from laying awake at night.

I recently-ish went in for a routine eye exam, just to find out that my optical nerves are swollen, and was referred to a specialist. The specialist did his examination of my eyes, and diagnosed me with IIH, Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension. He said he was 99% sure it is IIH, and said that it is the cause for all of my really really awful and debilitating headaches, my vision deteriorating, the whooshing in my ears that sounds like my heart beat is in my ears, and everything else that has been going on.

But then here comes the big drop. “These symptoms also go alongside brain tumors, so we are going to have to send you in for a MRI with and without contrast to check for that before I can 100% say it is IIH. I am however, going to go ahead and prescribe you a diuretic so that we can go ahead and start treatingyou for IIH and the medication get in your system.”

Those words instantly sent me down a whole new road of fear. The fear of what if it is a brain tumor and not IIH? What if it is a brain tumor and I can’t come out on the bright side and leave my kids orphaned? Cancer runs bad on both sides of my family, and my aunt passed away due to a brain tumor when I was a teen. To say I am terrified that this is a brain tumor and not IIH would be an understatement.

I went in today for said MRI and it was awful. My claustrophobia kicked in with 7 minutes left of my MRI without contrast and I had to be pulled out to get some fresh breaths. The MRI with contrast was only 7 minute long but it felt like an hour. I won’t know until sometime next week what the results are, and the unknown is eating away at me.

If you’re experiencing any of the symptoms, please go get your eyes examined and get yourself checked out. Even if it hopefully isn’t a brain tumor, if IIH is left untreated it can lead to total loss of vision.

[aresgodofwar23]

[matchbox77]

Grief Journey

Time is what it is. It comes and goes. You can’t stop it.

9 years has passed now. Time passes for me different. My little sis (My wife’s little sis) reminded me of the time and it is meaning less to me. It’s important for her to acknowledge the passing of time.

For myself - I dunno. I don’t count the days anymore. Days just pass and it feels empty even when I do “things”.

I still miss her everyday and sometimes think of what could have been. I try not to dwell - think and let go is the key I think. 

II keep looking trying to to take it step by step - I still feel confused as to what to do. Nothing makes sense and I’m trying to think less of making sense of things.

Learn to be uncomfortable 

[azukilynn]

sing

-

when a song gives you chills

and you realize

the skin of widowhood is the loneliest skin of all

-

when memory comes crashing down

and all you can do is sing along

sing as if the world might end

-

it might

it will

it already has

-

when her ashes are floating all around you

let the wind carry them

sing softly at their passing

a lullaby of love

-

azuki lynn

[officialyourdailyinspiration]

Fairness and Mercy

1 If there is an argument between men and they go to law with one another, let the judges give their decision for the upright, and against the wrongdoer. 2 And if the wrongdoer is to undergo punishment by whipping, the judge will give orders for him to go down on his face and be whipped before him, the number of the blows being in relation to his crime. 3 He may be given forty blows, not more; for if more are given, your brother may be shamed before you. 4 Do not keep the ox from taking the grain when he is crushing it. 5 If brothers are living together and one of them, at his death, has no son, the wife of the dead man is not to be married outside the family to another man: let her husband's brother go in to her and make her his wife, doing as it is right for a brother-in-law to do. 6 Then the first male child she has will take the rights of the brother who is dead, so that his name may not come to an end in Israel. 7 But if the man says he will not take his brother's wife, then let the wife go to the responsible men of the town, and say, My husband's brother will not keep his brother's name living in Israel; he will not do what it is right for a husband's brother to do. 8 Then the responsible men of the town will send for the man, and have talk with him: and if he still says, I will not take her; 9 Then his brother's wife is to come to him, before the responsible men of the town, and take his shoe off his foot, and put shame on him, and say, So let it be done to the man who will not take care of his brother's name. 10 And his family will be named in Israel, The house of him whose shoe has been taken off. — Deuteronomy 25:1-10 | Bible in Basic English (BBE) The Bible in Basic English is in the public domain. Cross References: Genesis 38:8-9; Exodus 22:9; Exodus 23:7; Numbers 12:14; Deuteronomy 25:11; Ruth 4:5-6 and 7; Luke 12:47-48; Acts 23:3; Job 18:3; Job 30:10; Matthew 22:24; Mark 12:19; 1 Corinthians 9:9; 2 Corinthians 11:24; 1 Timothy 5:18

[j-august]

POLLY. But I love him, Sir: how then could I have Thoughts of parting with him?

PEACHUM. Parting with him! Why, that is the whole Scheme and Intention of all Marriage Articles. The comfortable Estate of Widow-hood, is the only Hope that keeps up a Wife's Spirits. Where is the Woman who would scruple to be a Wife, if she had it in her Power to be a Widow whenever she pleas'd?

John Gay, The Beggar's Opera

[gretakatharinaa]

Baucis and Philemon - about the widowhood effect

Zeus and Hermes decided to come to earth, dressed as ordinary peasants to ask people of the town for shelter.

They were denied by every person, until they came upon a small rustic cottage.

As they arrived at the door expecting to be denied again, they found kindness.

An old couple, Baucis and Philemon. invited them in to sleep eat and drink.

They drank together and soon, the couple realized whom they shared their shelter with.

When the gods revealed themselves, they thanked the hosts for their kindness even in poverty.

Zeus told them to leave town, as he was to destroy it whole as an act of punishment for the people of the town who kept their big houses closed and their doors shut.

Baucis and Philemon did not question the orders of their god. Following their advice they climbed up the biggest mountain together with Hermes and Zeus. They were told not to look back until they've reached the summit.

When they finally did they saw their town being wiped out whole by a flood, taking down every house and every garden with its brutality.

Their cottage however, turned into a white temple glowing through the destruction.

Baucis and Philemon asked Zeus to be guardians of that temple and Zeus granted them their wish.

Then, they asked him for another favor.

When the time comes for one of them to die, so shall the other.

And as the time passed and their life came to an end, Zeus turned the old couple into two trees, an oak and a linden, their branches intertwined.

The trees, guarding the temple, were standing through the dust and mud that was left of the town.

The Journal of Public Health published a study in 2014, finding that there was a 66% increased chance of spouses dying within the three following months after their partner has died.

Even after three months, it was found that the chance of dying would stay up to 15%.

Although researchers may have not found the exact reasoning of this phenomenon, they listed some possible explanations:

The stress of caring for an ill and dying partner may make a person more susceptible to death.

People may change their health behaviors following the death of their partner. Surviving spouses stop paying attention to their own health as their partners is of more importance or the grief is too great.

People may also change their living environment after the passing of their spouse, which might impact mortality.

Surviving male spouses have shown increased symptoms of loneliness, as their wife was the source of their social support.

Female surviving spouses have shown signs of increased stress and anxiety, as their husband was their source of safety and stability.

It does make sense. Reading those explanations kind of narrows this phenomenon down to something very real, logical.

Yet, I do like to think about the intertwined trees.

Maybe you, dear reader, will find someone to live in that small rustic cottage. Maybe you will find yourself in the graces of Zeus and you will find your branches intertwined with someone else’s, forever guarding your temple.

[lovethisfat37]

Maybe I romanticize things a little too much but there's something so so sacred between a girl and her hot beverage of choice first thing in the morning.

Getting out of bed in itself is a holy act when every fiber of your being is screaming at you to stay in bed and suffer. To keep going with the momentum, making yourself something to eat and a little caffeine as a treat, that takes a kind of courage most people could only dream of.

The decision to keep on living isn't one big moment; it's a million tiny decisions every single day. Maybe a little romanticism is necessary when making those decisions.

[chicleeblair]

Kindly Stop for Me [26/32] February 2015 (Part IV) [AO3] [ff.n]

Rating: M

Pairings: Meredith Grey/Derek Shepherd, past Meredith Grey/Sadie Harris, Sadie Harris/Other

Summary: What kind of person flees on the night of her husband’s funeral and ends up hitting overwhelmed twelve-thousand miles away to her ex-lover's city? A Meredith Grey type.

A “What Happened in San Diego?” fic. AO3||FFN

[stabbedbyjim]

I appreciate how Mary's style changes after Stede leaves. While living with Stede, her clothing (while beautiful) feels quite restrained and binding. After Stede leaves, her clothing becomes so much more relaxed. <3

[widowsday]

Give special recognition to the situation of widows of all ages and across regions and cultures.

Absent in statistics, unnoticed by researchers, neglected by national and local authorities and mostly overlooked by civil society organizations – the situation of widows is, in effect, invisible. Yet abuse of widows and their children constitutes one of the most serious violations of human rights and obstacles to development today. Millions of the world’s widows endure extreme poverty, ostracism, violence, homelessness, ill health and discrimination in law and custom. To give special recognition to the situation of widows of all ages and across regions and cultures, the United Nations General Assembly declared 23 June as the first-ever International Widows’ Day.

[my4bears]

WIDOW DIARIES -15

REMINISCING

Cliff and I started dating in 1978, although we'd known one another since 9th grade. It was an unlikely relationship. He was a sports jock and I was a shy, unremarkable girl who only dated cowboys and guys in the FFA (Future Farmers of America for you city folks). Cliff was neither. But he came along at a time I was in need of a friend. And that is what he was to me. His parents owned the lake marina that was next to my parents' lake house on Lake Bistineau. Every evening after school we'd sit outside at the marina on a bench between two trees and talk.

It was our Senior year, and he had already asked another girl to Prom. He did not kiss me for the first time until the day after the prom so that he wouldn't be unfair to her or to me. Being raised to believe a good girl does not initiate the first kiss, it was several agonizing weeks before that special kiss. It made me fall in love with him to know he had that kind of honor.

Between the marina and my house was a fence with a gate that he would walk me to whenever it was time for me to go home. It was a special spot where he'd kiss me goodnight and I'd watch him walk away, back to his cabin where he and another friend lived. That year, the Little River Band came out with a song called "Reminiscing" that I loved. Some of the lyrics were:

"Friday night, it was late, I was walking you home, we got down to the gate and I was dreaming of the night. Would it turn out right?

How to tell you, girl, I want to build my world around you. Tell you that its true. I wanna make you understand I'm talking about a lifetime plan."

It goes on to say:

"Hurry, don't be late. I can hardly wait. I said to myself when we're old,

We'll go dancing in the dark, walking through the park and reminiscing."

Today I was on hold trying to make a doctor's appointment and that song started playing. And yes, it made me cry. Most everything does. I think the hardest part of losing Cliff is the loss of those wonderful days of talking about all of our lifetime memories together. There will never be anyone else who will just "know" what I am thinking. Or understand why I laugh or cry at a sound, a smell, a moment.

The loss of my soulmate is shocking and painful. I don't even know who I am any more. I can't believe how the time has flown and how many things I have done in that time. I did them, but I hated every moment of it. I longed for his presence beside me.

"On the way back home, I promised you'd never be alone."

But I am. I told a close friend, another widow who truly understands, the one word I'd use to describe widowhood is "Lonely." It is the most isolated, lonely you can imagine. Where there was someone, there's no one. That isn't to say I haven't been completely surrounded by love and support. But it isn't the same.

This weekend will be the first Father's Day of my life that I neither have my own father or the father of my children. My children are out of town, and I am going to experience this alone. I'm strong enough. I do know that. I still have my Heavenly Father. And I can assure you I will be leaning very heavily on Him.

For those who have lost their own fathers or spouse, my heart is wrapped around you. For those who are blessed to still have your daddy, do not take it for granted. Hold them tight. Tell them how much you love them.

In the meantime, I'll be reminiscing.

[selling-words]

Embracing Life's Challenges: A Widow's Tale of Resilience and Triumph

Dive into the remarkable story of a widow's triumph over tragedy. Against all odds, she turned grief into growth, proving the boundless power of resilience. #StrengthInAdversity #WidowsJourney #Empowerment #Resilience #SoloParentStrength

Daily writing promptDescribe a risk you took that you do not regret.View all responses Life is a complex mosaic of experiences, each piece colored by choices and challenges. Some of these challenges feel insurmountable, and the decisions we make in their face can define the trajectory of our lives. For me, one such decision came at a crucial and heartbreaking juncture—becoming a widow and a…