#with how bad things have been i'm consciously making efforts to find meaning in making art again i am doing my besto | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

caligvlasaqvarivm · 3 months

Note

i never noticed the hints towards pale Solfef! in light of that, i think it's interesting that Eridan pursued Feferi in the pale quadrant while desperately wanting her to end up in his flushed one, meanwhile Feferi pursues Sollux in the flushed quadrant, despite them seemingly destined to be pale lol guess seadwellers are used to swimming up current lmao

that said, what are your thoughts on Erifef? do you think Eridan actually wants her flushed? or is that another subconscious tactic of his to keep her(someone he deeply cares about) by his side?

personally, i'm of the opinion that though they do care about eachother, they could never work out flushed. i think Eridan -though very enthusiastic about her and thinks they share the same troubles that comes with being so high on the hemospectrum, as well as isolated via physical location and the requirements to meet seadweller expectations- doesn't actually want redrom with her, but he knows pale isn't 'good enough' plus prefers to go to Karkat for all the traditional pale stuff. dude doesn't realize they can just be friends and she won't abandon him(cue Feferi abandoning him the monent she leaves quadrants with him, further exacerbating that fear lol)

meanwhile, on Feferi's end, it's too much to go into here but i think she has struggles with being present with others. so though i think she also deeply cares about Eridan and was absolutely miffed he was going to Karkat for things that she(being his moirail at the time) should have been talked to about, i think she has a lot of character development to go through before she can really pursue quadrants as something she needs and wants and not something she thinks she should do. i think flipping pale with Sollux could have been that catalyst but alas :' ] it seems Hussie changed his mind

So, personally, I do actually think Eridan's flushed feelings for Feferi are real... kind of. The fact that he has 0 self-awareness really makes talking about his feelings difficult because everything needs to be qualified with "this would change if he were capable of taking a step back."

The "kind of" here is because I don't think it's necessarily Feferi, the PERSON, that Eridan's in love with, but rather, the Feferi that exists in his head. To Eridan, Feferi is a bubbly, adorable, cheerful girl who's nice to everybody and doesn't have a mean bone in her body. He literally says that he thinks she might be too nice to have a pitch relationship with somebody, which is definitely not true, as Feferi can be plenty mean, and there's plenty to find flawed about her.

The first reason for this mistaken belief is that that's definitely the way that Feferi believes herself to be, so it's how she presents herself, and Eridan believes people when they tell him stuff. The second is because, in Eridan's shitty, friendless life, Feferi has been his one constant - the person who's always been there for him, the only person who's consistently nice to him (until he meets Karkat, and even then, Karkat is master of the mixed signals, and Eridan implies that death threats and insults are regular banter between them), and oftentimes the one person who cheers him up when he's at his lowest.

I think a lot of people in the fandom are too hard on Feferi - she's genuinely well-meaning, and most of her bad points come from ignorance and privilege, not manipulativeness or spite. She doesn't consciously realize it when she's treating Eridan poorly, and she makes real efforts to be a good moirail to him, even though he doesn't usually reciprocate those efforts. I think she suffers from the Umbridge Effect, where Eridan's problems - being on such the extreme end of trauma and anxiety - almost feel alien and unreal, while everyone knows a Feferi, so Feferi draws in some undue vitriol.

She has a few outbursts at him when he's egregiously rude for no reason, but given she's been dealing with his severe mental illness for so long, and takes his threats and casteism at least semi-seriously, I don't blame her for being exhausted and snapping from time to time. She's genuinely just not equipped to help him with his problems - lest we forget, she's also 13. Otherwise, everything else she does to harm him is something she just genuinely doesn't consciously realize is a problem, because she's got a hard time seeing past her privilege.

For example, using Eridan for feeding Gl'bgolyb without gratitude - the thing is, societally, it's his job, and HAS always been a violet's job. Not only that, but given his... everything, if she asked him if he's okay with doing it, he'd definitely insist that he is, and in fact, that it's HIS duty and HIS privilege. He also started INCREDIBLY young, so it's genuinely just been like this for their entire lives. It's a bit shitheaded for Feferi to not realize how much she benefitted from this arrangement, but, again, it's a crime of ignorance, not malice.

In a similar vein, I think she stayed in her moirallegiance for as long as she did partially because she got an ego boost out of it. She commiscerates with Kanaya over how burdensome he is, and she gets to say things like "we are not better than anybody," which she absolutely doesn't actually feel, given how she won't shut up about being a royal when talking to Jade. She's elated to break up with him, her narration celebrating with a big "you're FREE!!!" and it's not a coincidence that said break-up happens after Eridan's no longer useful to her - she outright states that he can't threaten their species anymore now that they're in the game and everyone else is dead.

BUT, I think she ALSO means it when she says that she stayed in that moirallegiance because she was genuinely worried for him. Both this statement and the above paragraph can be simultaneously true. There's nothing about Eridan that's actually that offensive to Feferi, and I really do think she means it when she says she wants to stay friends. His constant emotional crises have just left her burnt out in terms of sympathy, and she never really knew how to handle him in the first place, but in their first conversation together, she's still genuinely making an effort to get him to open up about his feelings and to cheer him up about his failed kismesistude.

After the breakup and his failed confession, the thing is, he does accept that rejection! ... Kind of. (Again with the kind ofs.)

He outright tells her he accepts that she doesn't like him like that... BUUUT, is trying to get her to go ashen with him and Sollux, instead. THIS is the "trying to keep her with him" angle you're talking about, IMO; I think his flushed feelings are genuine, even if they're aimed at this idealized version of Feferi moreso than the real deal. Without Feferi in the picture, I think Eridan and Sollux would have a completely lukewarm mutual dislike. The sheer lukewarmness is probably why Erisolsprite is so stable - they're completely mid for each other.

The realness of his flushed feelings for Feferi is, incidentally, part of why I think him and Roxy would work so well together - if this idealized version of Feferi (bubbly, adorabloodthirsty, pink, cute, cheerful, and kind) is his Type... well.

I also think he and Feferi would work pretty well as just normal friends; they might have fallen into that dynamic on their own if they'd met later on in life. In a hypothetical golden ending, I think they do fall into it once EriKar happens, since moirallegiances are stated to have a stabilizing effect on a troll's other relationships.

#homestuck #eridan ampora #feferi peixes #erifef

80 notes · View notes

sevensoulmates · 1 month

Text

7x05 Buddie Meta YDKM Part 3 (of 4)

Part 1. Part 2. Part 4.

Eddie. I cannot stress this enough. If this was a partner that you actually had a good relationship with, you could go home and talk to them, tell them your feelings. Hell, you should feel safe enough just to say, "hey, I don't feel like having sex right now" and your partner should be able to accept it.

Why does the idea of saying no to sex terrify Eddie? There is a stigma that men are always supposed to want sex, and when they don't, that automatically means something's wrong, either with the man or with their partner. A lot of women might think they're the problem. One could argue maybe he doesn't want Marisol to feel bad, but if that was the case, then he would be doing his damndest to reassure her that he just needs a minute with the nun thing and not to take it personally. Instead, he avoids her, doesn't respond to her messages, and now--looks very panicked at the idea of her possibly trying to initiate sex with him. Which is kind of hilarious because what makes you think she even wants to have sex with you right now after you've been avoiding her all day?

This is another interesting line because it suggests that Eddie finds sex to be a chore. An obligation. Something he must provide his partner in order to keep them satisfied, and something that he's always done just to please his partner. I'm not saying he gets no pleasure from sex with women, but it doesn't feel to me like sex is really something Eddie really likes all that much just for himself if it's something "he'll get through somehow." I understand that this is a joke on Buck's end, but it's still written into the show on purpose, and sometimes jokes are just ways to cover up speaking the truth.

I want to talk some more now about Perception, specifically how both Buck and Eddie felt perceived this episode in ways that made them uncomfortable. For Buck, he was experiencing for the first time what it feels like for the world at large to perceive him as a queer man. Seeing eyes everywhere when no one was really watching. And for Eddie, it's the same, except instead of society perceiving him it's God. Both society and "God" are both entities that are known to be judgemental overall. But my question is, why does Eddie feel judged for sleeping with a woman who never even made the final steps to become a nun?

Buck is right, if God is an omniscient presence he would've always been watching, so why now does the idea of an All Powerful Being perceiving Eddie having relations with a woman terrify him so much? Is he afraid of "someone" knowing what actually runs through his head when he's being intimate with a woman? Is he ashamed that he's not actually as into it as he appears to be? Maybe now that the catholic guilt has been brought back up in Eddie consciousness, the thoughts are spilling through, and he's not able to stop them this time, and he's scared that someone, God, or society, or whoever, will see that he's not actually as into women as he wants people to believe. All of this is something I don't think he's realized. It's just as much unconscious to him as Buck's bisexuality was to him last episode. But something is bound to happen that finally clarifies it for Eddie.

He comes to the conclusion that he has to break up with her. But when confronted, he says he doesn't actually want to break up with her. Why? Because she just moved in. Not because he "really likes her" or because "he wants to build a life with her" or because "he wants her there" or because "he wants a relationship with her", it's because it's inconvenient because she just moved in and it makes him look bad (honey, far too late). He doesn't actually want to be with Marisol, he just likes the idea of cohabitating because it gives the illusion of a family without actually having to put any effort into building and strengthening it. This is exactly like how in the scene previous, he admits to Bobby that he liked being married, not necessarily that he loved Shannon. He just loved being married to her. This is the exact same thing.

This showcases Eddie's fundamental misunderstanding of both Tommy AND Buck. He has his blinders on the entire episode, and he walks a fine line between just misunderstanding or being willfully ignorant. The same way he doesn't see Buck and Tommy's queerness is in my opinion, the same way he doesn't see his own queerness.

Eddie's facial expressions here--Gosh, hats OFF to Ryan!! He really looked like he was shaken to the core. Especially his face in the last still. You can tell he did not see it coming at all. Because for "manly men" like Eddie, Buck, and Tommy, he's probably never even thought of it being a possibility for people like them.

This is especially evident when his first thought is not of Buck being queer, but of Tommy. And I don't think this is because he's surprised more about Tommy, or is not putting enough emphasis on Buck. I think it's more so that Eddie is aware that Tommy and he have A LOT in common, so much so that Eddie probably heavily identified with Tommy, and to have this part of Tommy be something so "different" from what Eddie expected is more shocking to him in the moment. Because if a man like Tommy (Eddie's narrative mirror) is queer, then what does that say about Eddie? I think that's why his first thought is about Tommy.

It might also be because it's easier for Eddie to process Tommy's queerness in the moment than it is for him to process Buck's queerness. In the same way that Buck was so unsure of why he was so hesitant to tell Eddie, Eddie might be struggling to comprehend Buck's queerness and what that means for them and their relationship without appearing to be unsupportive.

Additionally, it's interesting that Tommy's queerness never came up in conversation since it seemed like Tommy and Eddie got pretty close and "clicked" in a very short period of time. Is it possible Tommy is supposed to contrast Buck here? Buck says "Tommy just doesn't offer that information up". Maybe Tommy is also aware of how supposed "straight" men react when they learn that someone like him is into men. It provides an interesting contrast to Buck, who was so anxious about telling Eddie because he worried about how it would affect their relationship in particular, whereas Tommy just opted not to tell him at all just because he doesn't tell people unless they ask.

Buck asks if this is weird for Eddie, but Buck is aware that Eddie is not a homophobic person, and therefore wouldn't need to be worried (like Tommy could've been since he's only just met them both three weeks ago). Buck's known Eddie for six years, he knows Eddie knows plenty of queer people and has never had an adverse reaction to them. But this is personal because Buck knows that he's one of, if not the closest adult in Eddie's life. If Eddie is uncomfortable with Buck, it ruins their entire...everything. This says to me that Buck knew that by telling Eddie about this something would change, but he just doesn't know what.

I told myself if Eddie said any statements in this episode along this line, anything that felt like it was in the same vein as "no homo" that it would signal to me immediately that they were going to go there with Eddie's sexuality storyline, and this counts for me.

Eddie, it should be a given that you don't like Tommy in the same Buck does. No one in the room is accusing Eddie of being queer, and yet he says this all on his own for no reason other than to purposefully distance himself from queerness. All of which point to internalized homophobia. A person who was secure in their straight sexuality would not feel the need to clarify that they are straight (making it a bit about yourself there, huh, Eddie?) immediately after a close loved one just came out to you.

This is not a scenario where someone's coming on to Eddie and he has to say "no, sorry I'm not into men." This isn't someone asking him point blank, "are you gay?" and he says no. Nowhere in this conversation was there anything that Buck said that could've made Eddie feel like he was also being accused of queerness and yet Eddie feels the need to make it known that is in fact, not gay.

Eddie, a confident straight man, should understand that this convo is about Buck's queerness, not whether or not Eddie is being perceived as queer. This coming right after he looked so shocked about Tommy, when the last two episodes spent a lot of time painstakingly telling us that HEY! HEY! EDDIE AND TOMMY ARE SUPER ALIKE!

Eddie. My guy. Your queer realization arc is coming and of that I am certain.

This line read to me in the same way as the line in 7x01: "but with only one [gender] is there underlying sexual tension". This line, spoken by Buck, was disproven in episode 4. This line here from Eddie is put there to eventually be challenged. This line has two meanings, which is that of course the foundation of their friendship will not change because of Buck's queerness, but it does signal to the audience that some part of their relationship will change. What could that be? The only thing that makes sense at this point in the story is for the romantic aspect of their storyline to finally be explored. I think this is foreshadowing that story that's likely going to come at some point down the line. I don't know if it'll be this season, but it's going to come, of that I'm sure now.

Bucktommy as a direct parallel to Eddiemarisol is so interesting because whereas with Buck you can tell that he genuinely has interest in Tommy, it's heavily juxtaposed by how uninterested in Marisol Eddie has acted pretty much since the second they got together in season 6. Even Eddie's face here looks like he's thinking "wish I knew what that felt like". Don't get me wrong, I do think that Eddie wants a real connection, but I think he thinks that if he just stays with a woman for long enough one will just develop through proximity alone. But that's not how relationships work. It didn't work with Shannon and their relationship continued to be dysfunctional until the day she died. It didn't work with Ana, but that time, his physical reactions were enough to get him to break up with her. With Marisol, I think Eddie's at his patience end. He doesn't want to give up and be alone again. Or worse, have to start trying all over again. He doesn't want to fail again, because failing this time not only means failing himself but failing Christopher as well.

We just saw in 7x01 that Christopher believed that it wouldn't matter what he did, people (girlfriends in this case) would always leave. Christopher learned this from Eddie. Eddie deciding to stick it out with Marisol is both him desperately trying to grasp onto the possibility of a connection, but also a way to prove to himself and to Christopher that not all relationships have to end.

But in this case, Eddie's advice makes sense for Buck, because he's literally in the early stages of this relationship with Tommy, he's still trying to get to know Tommy, and he's trying to adjust to queerness for the first time in his life. For Eddie, this is at minimum a 4-6 month old relationship, one that he's just randomly decided to take "to the next level" and he did all of this without bothering to get to know Marisol AT ALL. That ENTIRE time. While it's true that Buck hasn't yet had a chance to figure it out what it is with Tommy, Eddie has had many chances before but has chosen not to take them. And I think when faced with the reality that he would giving up on yet another relationship, the prospect of failing yet again, he decides to go against what his gut is telling him and stays with Marisol.

I love that Eddie realized before he left that Buck needed physical assurance and gave it to him. This is their first hug in many seasons and it's a beautiful one. Eddie puts his thumb on Buck's pulse yet again, and I'm sure that was a very reassuring thing to feel, to know that Eddie still cares that deeply for him. He even puts his finger up and tells Buck to call Tommy, showing his support for Buck's relationship with Tommy, which was never a question that he would do. Because it's no question that Eddie loves Buck to the core, and he will always want Buck to be happy. He just hasn't figured out that his own happiness is possible specifically with Buck.

This entire scene also was physically blocked very similar to the scene in the episode right before, the scene that ended with Tommy kissing Buck. The only difference here was the topic of conversation and the fact that it ended in a hug and not a kiss. Buck lets out a sigh of relief as Eddie leaves, exactly the same way he let out a sign of relief after realizing his attraction to men.

Marisol's possessions in this episode have been a metaphor for who she is. Eddie's choice to look in the boxes at the beginning of the episode was him finally dipping his toe into learning who she is and he was uncomfortable with what he saw there, not because of Marisol, but because it reminded him that he's not being true to himself in this relationship. And now, he's given another chance here at the end. Marisol's metaphorical box is open, and an invitation for Eddie to take to get to know her more, and instead of wanting to get to know her, he says he "doesn't want to know what's in there". He admits that not only does he not know Marisol, but he doesn't WANT to get to know her.

In the same way, Eddie doesn't know the truth of who he is, he doesn't want to find out the truth. He doesn't want to open the pandora's box inside him and wade through the shit until he finds the tiny little bit of hope. Eddie would rather close the box and leave it closed and keep this relationship with Marisol going rather than try to dig deeper to figure out the real reason why this whole issue happened.

Marisol's reasons for not telling Eddie about the nun thing herself are understandable. She was worried about judgment, rejection, or possible fetishization. It makes sense to me why Eddie, in the end, was able to ask for just a minute to digest it. I think he realized that in the end, the nun thing isn't the whole dealbreaker here, it's something else. Something he's not willing to examine at this time. And since he's realized that the problem isn't Marisol, but him, he can move past the weirdness, and accept Marisol.

Because it's not Marisol he's accepting or rejecting, but the promise of a continued relationship in the future.

Marisol offers him a chance to back out, and you can tell that his first instinct (his "gut" reaction) is to take it. And yet....he adds a "yet". He keeps her on the hook, and he ignores the signs his gut is telling him. In an episode written partially by Taylor Wong who laid all the same "the universe is screaming" and "I do not panic" story threads, Eddie is once again ignoring them and going against his gut despite what he says next.

Eddie tells Marisol that he tends to rush his relationships, and this is true. Despite Eddie being so stubborn and hard to get to know most of the time when it comes to his romantic relationships, he over-commits. I've already talked about how he did the same thing with all of his relationships, including Shannon. He over-commits and under-delivers. I'm glad that they're pointing this out textually in canon because it's true and it's a large part of the issue, even though the root of it is not yet being explored.

However, him saying he "goes with his gut" and lets his head catch up later, is both a true and false statement. When it comes to his romantic relationships Eddie purposely ignores his gut, each and every time. When his gut tells him that he shouldn't bring Shannon back into his life, he ignores it (though this situation is a bit more nuanced). When his gut tells him something's wrong with his relationship with Ana, he says he's going to stick it out anyway. When his gut tells him to end things with Marisol, he doubles down.

The true part of this statement is that he lets his head catch up later. But the thing is that when his body tries to show him later on that something is wrong, whether that be through panic attacks or sexual dysfunction, he continues to ignore it or refuses to dig into it deeper. He still hasn't confronted the truth of his unhealthy relationship with Shannon. He didn't examine why his relationship with Ana didn't work, and he's not questioning himself deeply enough to ask why he's so deeply uncomfortable in his relationship with Marisol.

One thing is for sure, Eddie is an unreliable narrator. He has a hard time understanding his feelings let alone communicating them, and therefore whenever he says statements like these, I think it's worth it to always question it. Does it actually feel like he's telling the truth from a place of understanding, or from a place of what he wishes he could feel?

Go to part four (last part).

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4

#911 abc #911 meta #buddie meta #buddie #meta #analysis

53 notes · View notes

larissa-the-scribe · 2 months

Text

Terrarium Lights 3.3

Previously on Terrarium Lights: Gail found the ghost. The ghost had found.... some kind of an answer. Maybe. (Next part >>here)

"I… I see," Gail replied, not seeing.

"That's most everything I know," Samu—no, Jonathan—admitted. "As I found those reports, and looked around the city, I did remember bits and pieces. And I think… somehow… the operation did work and did not work at the same time. I… I would definitely classify the weird places that I remember going to as something unlike anything from here, that I’ve seen, and you didn't seem familiar with any of it, either. But… well… when I accidentally lit the lightbulb back at your place, I remembered, vaguely, a kind of blazing, blinding light, and being in agony."

"Oh. Sorry to hear that." A distant part of Gail wondered if either she or Jon—Samuel were going quite mad. This conversation was so normal despite its departure from all familiar wisdom. But also, she was talking to a ghost, and she wasn't sure if that made her more mad or less. At least in relation to discussing different worlds. "So… you said you found your body?"

"Oh, right. Well, the records indicated that the test was held at the lighthouse, six years ago. And I remembered the lighthouse. When we went to the church and I saw it, I knew I remembered it. So… I finally worked up the courage to come here. Just a couple days ago, in fact. I… I haven’t been sleeping at all,” he added, as if self-consciously. “I don’t seem to need to."

"And… your body was here from six years ago?"

He shook his head. "More recent. I don't know how recent."

"A few weeks ago, maybe?"

"That was the impression I got."

"How… how does it look?" Hopefully the lad hadn't gotten too traumatized.

"Well, I have a theory," he said, playing with the buttons on his vest. "I can't feel the cut on my shoulder, right? Well, my body is wearing pretty much the same clothes as me, except that there's a patch over the shoulder. So I think it must have been healed and my shirt fixed. So I appear to you as I arrived here in this world, but my perception of myself has changed along with my original body.” He paused, looking down at his vest and away from her eyes. “Which… I-I was planning on going back and talking to you, I really was… I just… didn't know how. And I felt bad about the terrarium breaking."

"O-oh. You have been through a lot, so it would take time to process." Gail reached out to pat him, stopped, then shook her head, as if by rattling the thoughts around in her head more physically they would make sense. "I beg your pardon, are you saying that the only thing that's noticeably different about your body is that your shoulder isn't hurt?"

"What should be different?" Jonathon asked after a long pause.

"Well, because, you know." She gestured at him vaguely, making an effort to keep her voice from rising at her general befuddlement. "You're, well… dead."

"Oh, right." He tugged on his vest. "I guess I forgot that, too. Forgot to tell you, I mean. I'm… well, I’m actually still alive."

"You're… still alive?" Gail certainly felt she ought to be pleased at this, but instead she just found herself more confused than anything. "But… aren't you a ghost?"

"I will be honest," Jonathon said, shifting on the dirt, "I don't quite understand it myself. I thought I was a ghost, too. But if I go in there, I can see myself, looking just like myself, but… physical, and lying on what looks like a sickbed. There's a bowl of water nearby, and a towel on my forehead, and once when I went in there was a doctor. But… well… I can go into places and look through papers and find things out and all that, but… I can't… talk to people." He looked down at his hands. "They don't see or hear me. And… there's still a lot I don't know. I don't really know who Samuel is, though he was my friend. I don't really know who Jonathon is, even though I found my name and my body. I don't know why I'm still at the lighthouse, and I don't know if I have any family anywhere. I don't know why I'm sick and lying there and why I'm out here, too, at the same time. I was… I didn't want to have to ask more of you… but… I think I was also delaying going to see you because… well, I needed to go back and apologize and talk to you. But there was more… and�� I don't know."

Gail reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "I know you feel bad about taking my time, but I promise, you can ask me for help whenever you like. I want to give you my time, if that means I can help you. In fact, I was actually out here at the lighthouse because I was looking for you." He looked up at her with wide eyes. "I was worried about you," she said softly.

"O-oh." He blinked, looking from her hand to her face.

"So, to make it as clear as I can: if you want my help, I want to give it to you."

The distant rhythm of the sea filled the moment between them.

"That's… that's extraordinarily kind of you," he finally said, looking back down at the ground. "I… I don't really know what to say in the face of all you've done. I wish I had some way to repay you."

Gail nodded. "I know just the thing you can do to start on that."

He tilted his head to look up at her from the side.

She patted him again. "You can start by telling me what it is that you still need, and then, after I do what I can, and once we figure out how to get you back to your body, you can live a good life. And try and visit Michael and I every now and then."

If he had possessed the physical capacity for producing tears, the rapid blinking and puckering of his eyebrows hinted that there would be a lot of them. "I… I don't feel like that's really a fair form of compensation."

Gail heaved herself off the ground, dusting herself off, front and back. "No, it isn't," she grinned, "but never you mind that. I'm assuming you want me to talk to the folks in there and see what I can learn about you and your condition?"

He nodded. "Thank you."

"You can thank me after I've actually done something," Gail said with a wink, and, double-checking that she hadn't gotten too unpresentably soiled, marched around and in through the front door before she could think twice. She whispered a prayer as she walked through the door.

#plot twist hehe #gail goffrey #terrarium lights #ocs #inklings challenge #inklingschallenge #inklings challenge 2023 #team: lewis #genre: portal fantasy #theme: burial #theme: visiting the sick #story: finished #salt and light #the santa juliana files #scribe does inklings #first draft

5 notes · View notes

noxthesleepymoodyoverthinker · 9 months

Text

How do you get a support system?

TL;DR: Reaching out to your support system in times of trial is all well and good. But first, you must have a support system, and then that support system must be willing to try and give you support.

The advice I've seen a lot about recovering from trauma is to reach out to your support system, to engage and allow them to help you and be there for you.

What has not been mentioned in those articles and posts I've seen so far tho, is how to find that support system.

Because, the truth is, not all the people around you -- even those you love -- have the wherewithal, the emotional intelligence, or the selflessness to support you when you need it. And on top of that, some are alone and don't have a support system in the first place.

So yes, a support system and letting them in might be good advice. But that takes for granted that you already have one.

Personal Example/Rant from this point on (feel free to skip):

Because I had and have people I love, people who I thought were my tribe, both family and friends alike. But, when I reached my breaking point, when I actually reached a point where it was impossible for me to pick up the pieces myself and needed the most minimum amount of support -- just support to tell me I wasn't as utterly alone as I felt, as incapable and as broken as I felt -- those very same people disappeared.

What I learned, instead, was that, yes, I was part of their support system, a major part even. But they were not part of mine. They didn't want to be part of mine, and they did not want to make the effort to be part of mine.

Maybe a part of me even knew this before my breaking point. Because I never gave them too much if I thought they'd be overwhelmed. If, whenever I tried to vent, I sensed that it was too much for them, I held back. However, it didn't matter what they needed to talk about, I would be there anyway. I might have not always known how to be there, but I figured it out after the first two or three conversations or venting sessions, and I supported them as much as I could.

A part of me knew they couldn't handle some things from my end, so I didn't often burden them with that...

But then, I lost my parents, and so many things happened at once, so, so many things... And, don't get me wrong, it wasn't the absolute worst that could have happened -- I'm aware it could have been even worse. But it all happened so consecutively and so harshly that it was too much for me to manage, and I broke, and couldn't remember any of my healthy or unhealthy coping mechanisms to get through it.

Frankly, I was shattered into a million pieces...And those pieces were so hot and jagged and sharp that I bled every time I tried to pick any of them up to try and piece myself back together like I'd done in the past...

It was so bad, that I immediately looked for, (luckily) found, and started therapy. The utter, traumatized mess that I was trumped all of my trust issues and hesitance. I jumped into therapy head-first, and even warned my therapist during the very first session that I had trust issues, might deflect some things consciously or unconsciously because of that, and to please be ready to coax stuff out of me. (I was/am rather self-aware. And just because I knew I needed therapy at that point, doesn't mean my trust issues and hesitance had disappeared. They were just currently in the backseat instead of in the front seat.)

And honestly, therapy was one of the best decisions I had made for myself.

But...therapy is once a week or twice a month... And it doesn't mean that your trauma takes a backseat the rest of the days and only shows up obediently during your sessions... And those other days are when you need your support system...

I hadn't asked much of these people whom I'd known for decades. I wanted phone calls, maybe once a week. I wanted them to call me or to answer my own calls, as frequently as we had called before. I wanted those who had visited me whenever they'd felt like it to just continue visiting me. I wanted company when I had to go out, if they were free to, just like they had asked me to accompany them a dozen or so times in the past.

Because having someone else's energy around me quieted the horrors and triggers in my own head. And I just wanted them to do what they had already been doing even before my parents had passed away.

But, the one main difference was, I didn't really have the capacity to be their sounding board for once. Whereas, before, even if they were beating around the bush, I would figure out something was up and coax it out of them until they figured out how to say it. I would also be able to listen for hours if they wanted to vent.

But now, I was utterly spent. I didn't have the energy to coax out things they didn't say outright. And, for once, I had more to talk about, and I expressed that I wanted to talk if they had the time. I could not be their calm space in a crisis anymore, tho, because my mind was not at all calm and I didn't know how to be that anymore.

The funny part is, among my family members, I expected this support, especially, from the ones who had lost their own parents decades ago. Because, they had gone through the same thing, right? I wasn't asking for something they couldn't understand...

But what applied to my friends applied to them as well. I was shattered and upset and could not be their source of calm. I could not just bounce back because I didn't know how to this time.

And I did ask for help, many times. And while their deflection and disappearance hurt me each time, I tried again because what if the way I had communicated my needs to them had been confusing or unclear? So I said it directly to them all in many ways: Please call me. Can we talk? Please visit me like you did before? Please talk to me. I need your energy, please, because it calms me down and gets me out of my own head. Can you come with me while I do this? Let's watch a movie together when you're free? What if I just kept you company while you ran errands? You've asked me to do that a lot of times in the past, so can we do that again? Can we have a lunch date? What about a dinner date? Can you please do any one of these things just once this month?

Those I asked rarely said no. When they did say no, they cited conflicting schedules. Which hurt, but was fine, because people had lives. I'm allowed to be hurt by it, but that doesn't mean my feelings clouded my logic so much that I expected they should drop everything for me. But, what hurt more was that they often said yes... And then ghosted me. Or avoided my calls. Or answered just to tell me they were busy, that they would call me back, and cut the call.

They never called me back.

Frankly, at first, however hurt and upset I was, I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I was too sensitive. Maybe I was reading too much into it. People had lives, after all...

It went on for months until I couldn't push away my feelings as illogical anymore. And even then, I thought it was my fault. I thought my grief was too much for other people. I thought, since I was intense and highly sensitive, that maybe I was just too much in general. So I tried to curb it and not say anything. I thought it was my fault that I was grieving and so my energy was just too intense.

I tried to silence myself, which resulted in me accidentally speaking about things without stopping to random acquaintances. That was embarrassing and I felt bad about it and I always apologized after my bout of verbal diarrhea had ended. And after the 2nd time it happened, I was extra vigilant not to let it happen again. Speaking into a private recorder without stopping, like an audio diary, helped a lot with that control.

But, here's the thing. (And therapy helped me realize this.) I hadn't asked for too much. I was asking for the bare minimum. But even that was too much for the people around me who I had given the same kind of support to numerous times. In fact, the moment I couldn't carry that role, I guess I just wasn't important enough to engage with at all.

Frankly, as angry as my rant might have sounded, the truth is that I don't even think it was maliciously done. Rather, it was like they didn't know how to play any other role that didn't place me as their emotional support and calm center. And the moment they needed to play that role even at the minimum, they just ran away.

To be honest, maybe I should not have been surprised at my family members reacting this way. They all have poor emotional intelligence. But I had not known they would run away because they were so afraid of another person's emotional vulnerability -- and that their EQ was more akin to a rock's. 😑😒

I had expected more from my friends and some of my cousins, tho. And that had been the real heartbreak...

So yeah, reaching out to your support system in times of trial is all well and good. But first, you must have a support system, and then that support system must be willing to try and give you support.

5 notes · View notes

onewomancitadel · 11 months

Text

I think I am a bad feminist because I read a post about misogyny in the Dune series and I didn't agree with it but I also wonder if my previous posts on the topic come off a little tone-deaf.

It did make me reconsider some of my assumptions though, and my disagreement isn't solely rooted in 'well actually the misogyny is part of the setting' - and I definitely agree there is a lot of sexuality-related and gender-related weirdness in the books - but it was interesting how different some of my assumptions were.

I think there's also a part of me that is a bit like, well I think even if there is that, I find characters like Jessica and Alia and Odrade and Lucilla and Taraza (and Sheeona, though I wish there were more of her) more interesting than a lot of average 'strong female characters' held up in pop culture, and what I am always interested in is where storytelling strength and narrative intentions overcome apparent inherent biases or evidence of malice. I guess it's more a maximising approach as opposed to a minimising approach, and that's my guiding tool.

It's also really easy to settle into criticism which is just identifying problems without looking at it in-situ, or ways in which it can be ameliorated or ways in which it actually actively works against the thematic intentions of the work - and what I consider to be (perhaps the greatest style of criticism of engaging with something seriously) is the ability to identify what the critical thematic intentions are and how you can lift those up. I think that if a work is fundamentally kind of like, irreparable and disinteresting, I'm less interested in criticism, and sometimes it really is as simple as 'whoever made this is cooked as shit' and sometimes misogyny or racism or homophobia or transphobia etc. etc. is like, one part of the problem - that is to say, its offensive content is bad, sure, but if there's evidence it's not a well-thought out production, it's just reproducing senseless shit.

I was reading the comments section (sigh) of a YouTube video (SIGH) of a movie review (now I am just asking for it) and there was the culture war of Feminists Are Taking Over Hollywood and first of all, well done falling for it, second of all do you genuinely and earnestly think corporations wearing the brands of movies you loved as skinmasks are like, concerned about the feminist effort? There is nothing to suggest any meaningful narrative thinking here or greater social consciousness, it's literally just roleplay at revolutionary thought to co-opt it and defang it.

Anyway back to Dune, it was interesting to read something which challenged some of my reading (which may have been more optimistic than was necessary), but I think some of the deeper thinking evidenced in the series makes me reconsider things I might ordinarily put aside. Not to get into the specifics, but say for instance, I've seen criticism which is like 'well Ghanima doesn't become God Empress but Leto II does' and I don't think... Ghanima is the one being punished here? Particularly in the novel where Alia completely loses it (which yes, is her own mirror to Paul's tragedy, but I don't think is done as well as Paul's). That's sort of what I mean, if you view Leto II's situation as being rewarded, it's going to colour how you view the treatment of the characters, and sometimes this type of thing simply cannot be discussed without considering the intentions and tone of the work.

#duneposting

2 notes · View notes

zeldasnotes · 2 years

Note

hii !!

so this is my review for the birth chart reading: first of all, thank you very much !! you sent it in less than a week so i'm very thankful. hehe. ALSO, i woud like to say your explanation abt me and my father's relationship were true. there's some distance there before, but i'm trying to be closer to him now and i think it's going well !! i also have a tendency to view myself as the victim, but i'm consciously trying to do something about this cause it doesn't have any positive effect on me and also to other people ://

i was also pleasantly surprised about the mentioning of me becoming known for my work in another country??? it's so weird bc i never saw myself working abroad before, but lately, i have been thinking of actually working abroad (hopefully, in the entertainment field) and am feeling really excited and positive about it.

your explanation for my mercury placement also fits !! I OVERTHINK A LOOOT, i swear it's gonna be the death of me 😭 i also think i'm smart with interpersonal relationships however i am someone frank so i say things as they are even if that's not what other people want to hear hehe

despite being a 7th house stellium, i don't see myself as someone who prefers to be in a relationship bc honestly i've never been in one yet 😩 HOWEVER, i think abt having a partner a lot. lol. i'm also big on having my alone time, it that gets compromised it could actually lead to a fight. lots of people also tell me i'm friendly and kind but i honestly don't see it????

MY MARS PLACEMENT EXPLANATION WAS ALSO ON POINT. i have a huuuge attraction to people who are bold and confident (however, i lile them better when they also have this aura of being cold/snob haha) and i actually don't know how to flirt so i guess my sun placement really downplayed it a lot HAHAHA. and omg, i get and lose interest in people really fast 😭

i've also noticed that even if i just stay quiet or in the side, i always get noticed. sometimes, i really don't like it bcs i feel like other people see me as someone who's hungry for attention even if i really try to swerve away from it !! sometimes it gives me an ego boost bcs of how interested ppl are with me. i also noticed i have this "sunny" look but i don't really like my bone structure (idk maybe these are my insecurities talking). ://

as for my midheaven, some people say i have good style but unless i become stable in life, that's when i can only afford the kind of fashion style i want <33 I ALSO AM SOMEONE WHO NEEDS SECURITY IN MY LIFE!! i swear i'm so used to entering situation with plans b-z backed up. lol. i'd also like to believe i am hard-working, it can get too much that i become too much of a workaholic 😭

also for my jupiter and saturn explanation, i actually feel like i did face lots of struggles in school. it's like for every good thing i experience, a bad thing should happen next???

okay my uranus explanation definitely called me out 😭 my mom actually once told me my type and the people i end up crushing on are totally different.

my neptune placement also makes it really hard for me to stick to a routine. i hate sticking to one actually. but i'm trying to change that now but yeah, it's still hard :// I ALSO HAVE DIFFICULTY STAYING ORGANIZED so i have to double my efforts on this one 😩✊

my mom also has a really big effect on me, mostly for positive reasons !! i mean we had our fights, HUGE ones, but thankfully my mom's always open to changing for the better. i also am, if i'm the one at fault.

dang. my chiron explanation is also true. i'm hugely insecure about my creativity and art 🥲 YET it's not as bad as it was before but i still have my moments !!

as for the asteroids used, i find it so werid and funny that most of my placements suggest i'm a highly sexual person but i honestly have a hard time being intimate with other people :// it's like i freeze on the spot and don't know what to do?? HAHAHA.

anyway, that's all. thank you for the reading again 🥰

Thank you so so much for taking your time to give me this review I really appreciate it!!🥰❤️

#birth chart readings

6 notes · View notes

ao3commentoftheday · 3 years

Note

Any advice for dealing with self-doubt? My work gets very little traffic, and I have no fandom friends, so positive reinforcement is pretty scarce. I'm totally fine with that, I don't need or want much in the way of fannish engagement, but I'm very prone to self-loathing and being in a bubble of one means there's nowhere to turn to remind me it's all in my head. Any thoughts on how to silence that inner "you're the worst writer ever and shouldn't post anything" voice that hits us all sometimes?

*hugs you lots*

This is a struggle we all go through to a greater or lesser degree throughout our lives. How you deal with it will vary from person to person - both in terms of what you respond to and also in terms of the root cause of your insecurity.

Where are these thoughts coming from?

Do you have a person or people in your life who tell you that you're worthless, stupid, talentless, wasting your time etc?

Do you have perfectionist tendencies and nothing you do is ever good enough?

Do you have a history of abuse, neglect or other trauma?

Are you surrounded by people who enforce a strict code of humility where saying that you're good at something is considered bragging or boastful?

Do you find it difficult to appreciate yourself unless you're doing something to please other people?

Do you look up to people who are "high performers" and think that you pale in comparison?

In some of these scenarios, you'll want to do what you can to limit your contact with the negative people in your life. In others, you'll want professional counselling. In all of them, you'll want to try one (or more) of the following:

Reduce negative self-talk. Do your best to notice when it's happening. Stop the thought as soon as you can. Examine where that thought is coming from and separate feelings from fact. Do what you can to restate the thought in a neutral way - and if you're able to, reframe it as positive.

Increase positive self-talk. Notice when you do something well and consciously put an effort into telling yourself you did a good job. If you're up for it, think about specific details that you did well or where you improved upon the last time you did that same thing.

Allow yourself to accept compliments - and eventually believe them. At first, it's going to be hard to just say "thank you" and not tell the person they're wrong or that you don't deserve it. Start by resisting that urge, then work up to stopping the thought that you don't believe it. Finally, try to actually believe that what that person is saying is true. Because it is.

Be kind to yourself. The next time you make a mistake or can't do something or you're forgetful or whatever - be understanding. Show yourself the same compassion you would show to a friend. You deserve it too.

And finally, find a way to say goodbye to that voice inside of your head. As you work your way out of that self-loathing spiral, that voice is going to go away. If it's been a part of you for a really long time, it can feel like a part of you is missing or like you don't really know who you are anymore.

That part of you was created for a reason, but that reason won't exist forever.

I'm obviously writing this answer to address a bigger issue than "that voice in my head keeps telling me I'm a bad writer" but I hope that you find this helpful anyway. If any of the rest of you have thoughts for how you tell that voice to shut up, I think we'd all love to hear them 💕

#asks and answers

424 notes · View notes

bogkeep · 2 years

Text

i am by no means a master of my craft, like i have some art education and i have a considerate amount of practice and experience, but i'm not an ultimate authority on Making Art. i DO find it very fascinating to see how resistant some artists will be to very basic advice/methods such as using references, flipping their canvas, or otherwise efficiently using the tools available to you. i think this Mostly happens with teens/young artists, and i think it happens because art is a very Personal and Intimate Experience. look, i've been there, i've had people dragging my younger self kicking and screaming to try a Thing, and to my GREAT DISMAY it worked very well and made the process much easier. and in other cases, it didn't work for me at all!

as is often the case, many things are true at the same time:

- there is no right or wrong way to make art. what works for some will not work for everyone.

- there have been MANY artists before us, and we have inherited a LOT of knowledge from them. art we make now builds on the art made before us, one way or another.

- color theory does real. you don't have to adhere to any of it, but a lot of art theory does matter. people have been looking at this stuff and teach it in art school for reasons.

- art schools, other institutions, and even individual mentors/teachers have a history of gatekeeping and elitism. many forms of art have been deemed lesser than others, and there IS value in challenging biases and the status quo.

- art education can still be a Very valuable resource, depending on your goals.

- you do not need an art education to be a skilled artist. you can be entirely self taught, AND many artists who HAVE gone to art school are willing to share their knowledge and experiences.

- being an Artist is more accessible than before. digital tools are widely available, it's easy to publish your art on public online platforms, and you can find artist communities and tutorials.

- not everyone has the same goals or purpose for making art. just because you're good at something, you're not required to turn it into a job. monetizing your hobby may in fact be a path to misery! i know about myself that i work well with commissions for 100+ dollars and paid art projects, and if i were offered a fulltime art job i'd pounce on it, but i cannot balance a lot of art Work with my fulltime non-art day job. doing art for fun and personal indulgence is different from doing art for work or for school.

- you are not required to be good at your hobby or constantly work on improving. you can and should do things simply for the joy of it, and making peace with imperfection and mediocrity is a weight off your shoulders.

- this is my personal Spicy Take but i don't think there is such a thing as Good or Bad art, simply because there is no measure by which to determine that. art is too vast and diverse, we are steeped in personal and cultural biases and taste.

- skill CAN be built and honed. while i don't think Good or Bad are good descriptors for skill in art, the precision with which you Achieve the kind of art you want to achieve comes down to skill: practice, knowledge, and experience.

- you don't HAVE to engage with Fundamentals, you don't HAVE to learn color theory, or draw from life, or use references, or flip your goddamn fucking canvas if you don't want to. you want to draw silly cartoon kitty blobs floating around on a backgroundless page? GO FOR IT. LIVE YOUR POTATO KITTY DREAMS

- but if you WANT to achieve something specific? if you want to draw more accurate/believable anatomy, or create a specific mood, or find out how to achieve a specific kind of texture? you might have to put a little effort into it! learning some basic fundamentals and theory can be very helpful. you can use them as building blocks to achieve the kind of art you want. you might not even think about it consciously most of the time, it just sits in the back of your mind and in your hands. it's a journey!

- and yes there have been artists who seeked to Undo all the external art knowledge they had and build it up in isolation, and tap into the free expression of childhood drawings. it's a whole thing.

- you can find heaps of good AND bad art advice online. even art teachers might give damaging advice! it's up to you what you take and what you leave. but i would keep in mind that most artists sharing their advice and methods aren't trying to cramp your style or take the joy out of your hobby. i think most artists will share what made it easier for them to do what they wanted to do. and i think that's the advice you want to keep - what will make it easier for you to create the things you want to create?

- you can absolutely achieve the same things by going the long way around. if you draw enough mind horses you'll get some really good mind horses, eventually. but looking at a picture of a horse will save you so much time and suffering. flipping your canvas is a quick way to help *you* spot obvious flaws fast, instead of realizing them the day after you've posted your piece on social media. if you don't care about horse shapes or wonky proportions, i won't judge! your mind horse is beautiful and powerful.

- finding easier ways to do things lets you do more things. ultimately the best way to create what you wanna create is to keep creating.

- don't be afraid to try different ways of doing things. learning what doesn't work for you can be just as important as learning what does.

- like sparkle? draw sparkle

#too long for twitter #art advice #YES i saw canvas flipping discourse on twitter and YES my brain rabbitholed because it's the least stressful topic available

47 notes · View notes

shadowsinger11 · 3 years

Text

John Wayne

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

Summary: Christmas lights and stunning dresses are enough to spark a desire for a winter romance. But could you have possibly gotten the wrong idea?

Word Count: 2.5k

Genre: fluff, angst

A/N: I might've listened too much to Cigarettes After Sex while writing and this is totally not a song inspired fic, born purely as a result of my procrastination with other projects

Tag list: @susceptible-but-siriusexual @hufflexpuff @neovannii @jenniweasley @theweasleysredhair @harrysweasleys @loony-loopy-lupinn @whiz-bangs78 @slytherinsunrise @starlightweasley @ickle-ronniekins @gcdric @vivianweasley @aprilsrant @idont-knowrn @thisismynerdyself @wonderful-writer @feetoffthetablee @minty-malfoy @vogueweasley @elf-punk @oh-for-merlins-sake @heart-of-tempered-steel @spilled-prose @itseatyourdamnapples @aaannabbanana @l0ttadreamz @potter-redheads @pastanest | message me to be added/removed! (if you're in bold, I couldn't tag you)

You were staring at the crowded dance floor.

Beautiful ladies were being spun around by their partners, gorgeous gowns twirling and swooshing with their every elegant move. Everything was perfect about them; from their smile which lit up the Great hall more than the sparkling white Christmas trees, to the way their wrist gracefully twisted around their lover's neck, eyes piercing into theirs. The music was playing, slow and melancholic, exactly as it had been playing for the last few hours, luring lovers and encouraging them to bare their souls in front of each other.

And so they danced, connected by fearful desire, united by hope and bonded by love.

It was a kind of magic no one could truly understand, mysterious and private as though you weren't meant to witness it that night. So when among the sea of couples lips met in a silent oath, your heart began to ache, pleading you to leave.

It should have been you. It should have been you the receiver of those loving glances, of those kisses which made your head dizzy and caused your knees to buckle, but it would've been no problem as you would've had the arms of your lover to keep you secure. Then, as you'd dare to look up through your lashes, gorgeous eyes would be already on you, their obscure flame consoling you and pulling you in. And you'd simply fall, letting the warm, velvety darkness envelope you.

You flinched from the slight chill, rethinking your choice of a sleeveless dress. The enthusiasm with which you had picked it months ago now seemed utterly ridiculous and foolish as you were sitting a good distance away from where you believed you'd have been dancing your heart out. But, as you took one last look at your surroundings, only to spot your lovestruck friends indulging in the presence of their partners, the comfort of your pajamas seemed far more tempting than the unreasonably expensive piece of fabric which didn't even matter to you anymore.

It was pitifully funny how things could change in the blink of an eye, in a single breath; how fast you had gone from blooming with excitement to wondering how you were foolish enough to contribute to your own heartbreak.

"How come I'm just finding out about this?" Fred exclaimed, chasing after you down the stairs of the Astronomy tower. "I bet I wouldn't have known if it wasn't for those Ravenclaws chatting back in class."

"You were gonna know eventually, what's the deal?"

"My point is, why didn't you tell me and I had to hear from someone else?"

A group Hufflepuffs gave you questioning looks as you practically ran past them, nearly tripping over your own feet in the process, "You're making a fuss about nothing, stop acting entitled to every piece of information in my life!"

"McLaggen? That git?" Fred yelled in frustration and disbelief; he didn't at all acknowledge the small crowd which had gathered to observe the scene, nor did he care in the first place. He stopped in his tracks, gripping the wooden railing tight, knuckles turning white and jaw tense. "You cannot be serious."

Shocked faces now turned to you, and you desperately wished you could use reducio on yourself. Instead, opposite to what your consciousness was screaming at you, you dug your feet into the floor and shot Fred a stern look over your shoulder, "We're not discussing this right now. Besides, what's in it for you anyway? You're going with Angelina."

Had you kept walking, you would have missed the way Fred's chest was heaving with shallow, rapid breaths, and his face was more maroon than you had ever seen. And you? You couldn't quite breathe yourself.

A week ago your untamed happiness brightened every room and hallway; classes seemed to fly by, exams were over and the Yule ball was right around the corner. Your heart was ringing with joy as you were so looking forward to forgetting your troubles for just one night.

In the midst of shining Christmas decorations and beautiful dresses a dreamy, yet pretty bold idea had begun to form in your head, an idea which Ginny and Hermione encouraged with their support and affirmations. Deep down you had started to believe Fred Weasley took an interest in you, harboured feelings for you even, and your ever-present goofy banter which contained far more flirting than what would be acceptable between two best friends, only fed your imagination and raised your hopes up.

You were aware you were the only one on the receiving end of Fred's teasing jokes, cheesy pickup lines and lingering stares which had you staying up an extra hour in your bed at night. Even his siblings shared the same opinion - there was no way on Godric's sword that a person who clearly wanted to be around you as often as possible and got his hands on you every chance he could, wouldn't be at least a little bit interested in you.

That's why you nearly broke down when exactly a week ago in the hallway Ron casually mentioned his older brother had just asked out Angelina.

The ground was pulled beneath your feet, vanishing along with your oblivious hopes. The news stung sharply, leaving a sour taste in your mouth; never had you believed you’d spend the few days before the ball stitching up your heart, and you were willing to do just about anything to forget about your humiliation. So when McLaggen invited you with an obnoxiously flirty note in Charms class, you didn’t hesitate much.

You could feel a wave of tears burning your eyes as you looked up to where Fred was standing. His face and ears were still as red as they could get, and his chest was vibrating with every shaky breath he took. Fury had disappeared from his eyes long ago, replaced with concern, regret and hurt which you couldn't quite place.

He climbed down the few remaining stairs.

"He's obnoxious! And beyond what's good for you!" Fred stated, though his voice now lacked power and slightly trembled, loud enough just for you to hear. "You're setting yourself up for a pretty bad night."

You swallowed down the dry lump in your throat and finally turned around to fully face him, looking him up and down.

"Seems like I have a terrible taste in men then."

A second glass of firewhiskey did nothing to burn down the growing turmoil in your stomach. You tapped the edge of the empty glass with your fingers and smiled at your friends who were visibly exhausted from dancing to upbeat songs for quite awhile now, but enjoying their time far too much to take a break. You admired their spirit - just because you weren't feeling your best, it didn't mean your friends didn't have the right to have fun.

However, the inevitable sense of regret lingered in your bones, and you found it hard to not focus on how the ball had gone wrong for you, in more ways than you had originally thought.

Even without Fred as your date, there was still a chance you'd have a good time. McLaggen could undoubtedly make it awkward to be around, and with the fact that your heart had recently been sliced open, you weren't sure how much of his ridiculous antics you could take. But at least he was trying; if you put aside his overbearing ego, you could see genuine effort into creating something romantic for both of you. It was going to be okay. Not necessarily what you desired, but somehow okay.

And that last bit of hope vanished the second you caught your former date snogging your crush's date in an empty classroom merely an hour ago.

You didn't know whether to cry or laugh at the universe's bitter joke, but the tears on your face as you ran down the hallway in your beautiful dress were eloquent.

A bitter, bitter joke.

You couldn't take it anymore. The charming smiles, sultry glances and stolen kisses you had been observing for the past hour were too much. And when another slow song made an appearance, you rose to your feet and headed towards the tall doors of the exit. Perhaps sleep would be a decent ending to your horrendous night.

You had barely made it out of the Great hall when loud footsteps echoed on your right.

"Bloody hell, I've been looking for you!" Fred said through heavy breaths, having run all the way to you as it seemed. His ginger hair had escaped its slicked look long ago, now too messy to fix despite his numerous attempts to smooth it back. His suit was no better, slightly wrinkled and shirt open to the third button.

"Why have you?" you asked and folded your arms, feeling a bit chilly in the hallway.

"McLaggen. About him," Fred sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry for having to say it, but I just saw him-"

"I know."

Fred frowned in confusion.

"You do?"

It was your turn to let out an exasperated sigh as you looked down at your feet, "Yes. A while ago."

Fred's features softened.

"I'm sorry."

You barely found it in you to respond with a weak smile, "It's alright. I guess I was right. I do have a terrible taste in men." Then you gave Fred a sympathetic look, "I'm sorry for Angelina too, it's horrible she did this to you."

Your friend allowed the ghost of a smirk to appear on his lips and he shoved hands into his pockets, "I'm not really affected by it in all honesty," he shrugged. "I'm rather angry about the fact that the prat thought he could pull off something like this and get away with it."

Fred's heart ached at the sight of your slumped figure and glossy eyes; he hated himself for having contributed to the failure of the event you were expecting with so much hope. He tilted his head to the side, attempting to meet your gaze.

"I'd gladly prank the crap outta the git until he doesn't even dare to show up to classes… But for now is there a way for me to make your night any less terrible, love?"

You couldn't help but giggle at the thought of McLaggen skipping classes out of sheer fear of Fred. But then your thoughts wandered to the way Angelina was practically straddling his lap, and you wondered if Fred had been doing the same all this time unbeknownst to you; if right after a flirty joke sent your way he'd go to an empty classroom and kiss Angelina with the passion you had just witnessed.

The image of Angelina's lips on Fred's caused you to become nauseous and you attempted to swallow down that lump again.

"No," you replied. "But please, tell me one thing. What was that entire tantrum for?"

Fred didn't really seem taken aback by your question, realizing you'd eventually bring it up. He furrowed a brow, carefully thinking of an answer, and wettened his lips.

“Perhaps it would be inappropriate of me to say it- selfish even, but the mere thought of you being in the embrace of someone, especially with that someone being a foul git, caused me to get unreasonably angry.” Guilt was seeping into his every word and he bitterly chuckled to himself. “Ironic, isn’t it? Attempting to spare you heartbreak by being the reason for it.”

He gently took your hand and looked into your eyes, remorse swimming in his own, "I had no right to treat you the way I did. I'm terribly sorry for being controlling and you absolutely do not have to forgive me. Just know that I truly regret my actions; I never intended to hurt you."

His words were a feather-light caress to your wounded heart and you shuddered. You couldn't stay mad at him. Reciprocated feelings or not, he was still your best friend and you wouldn't let that go.

"Apology accepted," you gave his hand a light squeeze and Fred beamed, the entire hallway lighting up with him. Dread released your chest of its merciless grasp and you could finally breathe. However, one question never ceased to haunt you. "But I just need to know…” you began, absentmindedly playing with his fingers, “...why were you so upset to begin with?"

Fred's shoulders immediately stiffened and he averted his gaze from you in an attempt to come up with a reasonable reply. His jaw was clenched, and his adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. "I didn't want you to go with him." He stated simply. "Not when you could've easily gone with me instead."

You froze.

"What do you mean?” you asked timidly, shifting your weight from foot to foot. “What about Angelina?"

Fred only shook his head, fighting back a grin.

"Darling, Angelina was never the catch."

The air was knocked out of your lungs.

You could only stare at Fred wide-eyed, and though his expression was unreadable, maroon had begun to crawl its way up to his ears and cheeks again.

"I'm sorry for putting you through all this," Fred spoke softly as he pressed a kiss to your knuckles, a kiss that awakened the butterflies within you. "I was really too much of a wuss to confess to you and settled for this instead."

"I guess that makes us two," you smiled sincerely, perhaps for the first time that night. Fred returned your smile with a grin, and asked.

"How can I make up to you for this oh-so-awful mess?"

"Dance with me," you said without skipping a beat. "That's what you owe me at least. Let's finally do what we both wanted."

Fred's expression became serious as he intertwined his fingers with yours, and led you into the direction of the Great hall, from which music could still faintly be heard.

"With the greatest of pleasure, my love."

Most people had already gone to bed, leaving just a few couples and you to drench in enchanted serenity. Fred's arms around you felt like home as you both swayed to the soft rhythm of the song, one of the many to follow, but his racing heartbeat under your palm caused your own pulse to speed up as well.

You looked up at your lover through your lashes, gorgeous eyes already on you, their obscure flame consoling you and pulling you in. There was an odd, enigmatic allure that Fred possessed, and even after years of knowing this man, it only caused you to fall further into the velvety hell you didn't wish to escape from.

And when his lips collided with yours, they tasted sweeter than the forbidden fruit.

Reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated!

#fred weasley x reader #fred weasley x reader fluff #fred weasley x reader angst #fred weasley fic #fred weasley fanfiction #fred weasley imagines #fred weasley x y/n #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagines #james phelps #fred and george weasley

879 notes · View notes

katsukikitten · 3 years

Text

WARNINGS Adult themes and hinted at sexual assault. This is an 18+ AU @bakugotrashpanda I finished

Your vision blurs from both the side effects of a quirk and the dam of tears threatening to burst. You throw your black hood up over your head, huffing as you rush to an apartment complex.

"Fifth floor. Fifth floor room 5C, right?" You mumble to distract yourself from the pain coursing through your body as you force yourself up the stairs, looking over your shoulder out of paranoia.

Finally you reach your destination but suddenly the urgency in you dies out. Fizzling away in your veins as you stand frozen wondering just why you were here?

Standing in front of the door of the very hero who has almost caught you time and time again. Having only narrowly escaped with a quick witted quip and a trick that barely worked.

Just as you're about to turn to leave, a hot head yanks open the door. His garnet eyes are sharp before widening in surprise. He takes you in with a slight horror as he takes in what he can in seconds. Your eyes are blown wide, dilated so unnaturally large that only a drug or quirk could induce a pupil of that size. The veins in your left eye are ruptured while a faint purple hue blooms on your lid. Your plush bottom lip is split down the middle, swollen even and the blood is barely dried. Your hoodie is torn down the middle as shaking hands clutch it closed while your tights and skirt are tattered beyond repair, your outfit threatening to fall away from your body from a small gust of the cold winter wind.

The last thing those molten eyes notice is the faint bruising around your tender throat and with the angle of your hood he can just barely make out the shape of fingers. Something hot forms in his chest and seeps out into his fingers causing them to twitch.

You answer the question he left unspoken.

"I didn't know where else to go."

He watches you sway on unsteady feet as you speak, eyes fluttering as you fight off losing consciousness. He grabs onto you, causing you to flinch even as you're half out of it. That odd burning sensation blooms beneath his ribs again, he grits his teeth. Voice low, hushed even; missing the normal gruff venom.

"Let's get you inside."

After that your memories are a blur of warmth and a soft crimson gaze that holds with it malice towards someone unknown.

As you lie on his couch flickering in and out like a dying flame he debates with himself. Wondering if he should take you out of those clothes, well what is left or them, that are covered in blood and possibly vomit.

But what he cannot fathom is how you a high ranking villain, probably the top female villain who has eluded him for months could end up like this.

He has seen your power, the grace in which you hold yourself and the feats you have done. And he's been dying to turn you in since the first time you punched him in the solar plexus.

As he crimson eyes linger over your frame he feels that way now, as you had delivered a well placed blow as he studies the bruises in the low light.

He decides he should at least rinse you off. You're awake enough to cling to him as he gently guides you to theshower, cranking it high enough it could scald but he knows you need it. Still you sway on your feet, shaking as he slowly removes your ripped hoodie leaving your breasts exposed to the steamy air and your worst enemy Bakugou.

But he hardly notices the way your tits sit or the color of your nipples, all he can see are the scratches and bruising. Unzipping your skirt with care you didn't know he possessed to reveal a pair of ragged tights with a hole ripped between your legs. Disgust fights to rise up his throat with a shout that he swallows down as he slowly removes them and your torn pair of underwear. You're shaking harder now as he pauses to collect himself, getting his teeth as he stares down black bruises on your inner thighs. He lets out a rush of air through his nose before he gently guides your bare feet to the cool tiled floor. He gestures to the shower trying to give you some privacy but suddenly you cling to him.

"Fifth floor. 5c. Fifth floor. 5C." You murmur fisting his shirt as you look up at him. He can tell that you're frustrated, fighting through the haze of whatever has you under the influence but all you can force Your or remember is his apartment number. Your broken voice echoes through his head as he stares down at you.

"I didn't know where else to go."

So you, a highly wanted criminal, showed up at the doorstep of the number one hero, or at least one of the men who owned the title. And the least compassionate one at that. His chest feels odd, as if one of his explosions ruptured a lung or worse as he realizes what that means for you. Usually when someone found themselves at rock bottom they went to someone they knew they could truly trust but you, you had no one to turn to?

Just someone you avoided, half attempted to kill and vice versa. He was your last stitch effort.

"P...please…."A tremor runs through you before he quickly scoops you up to set you on the counter of the vanity. He removes his shirt with a grimace before shoving himself free of his shorts and boxers. Gently guiding you to your feet as his callused hands held onto yours. He hadn't realized that how much he dwarfed you until now. Especially now, his stomach churning as he realizes just how fragile people can be.

He hates seeing fragility on you. He places you beneath the stream, grabbing onto something hidden beneath the vanity. The small set of women's toiletries his mother had given him for "just in case", silently and reluctantly he thanked that stubborn hag.

He offers you a bottle and when it is evident that your mind is lightyears away he sighs deeply, lathering his hands in flowery body wash. He holds his broad hand out to you and you grant him silent permission as you offer him your wrist. Hands sweeping up your arms, over your shoulders and pausing for a moment, unsure if he should touch your chest although you desperately needed it. Another tremor moves through you as you guide his hand down, resting it over your heart. His jaw tics as he feels how rapidly it is beating, a combination of substance abuse and whatever the hell just happened to you. Still your eyes linger on his body wash and your mind wanders aloud.

"I thought you smelt like caramel because of your body wash." Voice barely there when you were normally boisterous. Instead you notice that the spicy smell comes from his soap, the burning sugar was all him. You had smelt it moments after entering his home. He says nothing, not that you wanted him to reply. You move his hands to give him permission to care for you before going numb.

Totally numb to the water and his touch, although it is much more comforting than the last set of hands that touched you.

Your vision blurs, the tears fall silently and he allows you to grieve before your mind goes numb again.

"Fifth floor." You whisper, voice breaking as if you bore bad news. He washes your hair and conditions it as best he can as he watches your mind begin to slip. A surprisingly plush towel caresses over your skin as Bakugou pats you down gently. Making sure you are dry before he moves to your hair, squeezing the water from it softly. Finally he is done, scooping you to him, princess style, before he decides you're going to stay here tonight.

He takes you to his room, setting you on the edge of his bed, forcing you to sit for now. He throws on a pair of boxers before he rummages through his closet to find an old pair of basketball shorts and a long sleeved shirt.

"Arms up." A gruff voice pulls you closer to the living and you obey. Arms burning as you lift them into the air only for comfort to envelop you.

"Step into these." Bakugou growls as he is bent over with the shorts held firmly in his hands. You nod furiously, sliding off the side of the bed to allow your feet to fall into the holes. One hand steadying yourself on a broad back.

"Strong." You whisper, patting him gently before he comes up, he hates how your breathing hitches, coming in short bursts now that he is full height. You even push away from him a bit before your glazed over eyes register that it is only him.

"5C." You mumble, touching his chest and he nods, fingers gripping onto yours. Katsuki eases you into the bed and wrapes you in his comforter. It's large and warm, reminding you of strong arms eveloping you. You deeply inhale the dark fabric and it smells godly. Like caramel, a burning sparkler and a spice you can't place, your eyelids become heavier. Just as he is about to walk away your eyes snap open, chest heaving as the night tries to return.

"FIFTH FUCKING FLOOR!" You shout, grabbing onto that callused hand that soothed the rage, the raw fear and the utter self loathing from something you couldn't control. Could never dream that it could have happened to you.

But it did.

The same fucking hand that kept you from shattering, at least for the time being.

"I'm here. I'm right here." He coos in a husky tone, hand smoothing down your damp hair. He squeezes your hand tightly and like a switch you go limp, all but your death grip on him as you fall into a deep sleep.

He stands there until your breathing is even, turning the lights down low but not completely off as he leaves the door to his bedroom ajar.

Angrily he searches for his phone with an idea in mind. A threat turned promise, that he repeats to himself over and over again.

When he finds out who did this to you, he was going to kill them. No questions asked, no second thoughts. Wholeheartedly he was going to commit murder for what they had done to you and what will continue to haunt you for years to come.

Finally he finds his phone and dials one of the few numbers he knows by heart. The recipient answers after the third ring.

"Oi, Deku, remember that favor you owe me? I think it's time I fucking cashed it in."

#bakugou x reader #bakugo x reader #bnha x reader #bakugou katsuki #bnha au #tw:trauma #tw:sexual assault

487 notes · View notes

ecoamerica · 1 month

Text

youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

14K notes · View notes

nightswithkookmin · 3 years

Text

RE MEMORIES 2020 TKK

I'm losing my mind😭😭😭😭

Sigh.

When it comes to those two, I think I've said and I maintain the company's move to intervene and facilitate their bond predates memories 2019.

If anything, the end of 2020 is when they actively started consciously pairing them in content and 2021 is when we've seen that kind of conscious curation of 'ships' become more frequent and routine- pack it up Bighit. We know about Jikook and we know what y'all doing lately too. Y'all ain't fooling nobody.

We discussed this bit on the other platform.

What happened. We used to be so close.

I really don't expect to see much of Tae Kook in memories 2020. I really don't. In 2021 memories, sure. In 2020, not so much.

But that don't mean they don't have any TKK moments at all. We are still gonna get something. Especially early 2020 when those two were at a really good place- with Tae providing a lot of emotional support for JK and JK allowing himself to be vulnerable with him.

I just don't expect it to be of the same quality or quantity as say JinKook or Jikook. Unless, like I said BigHit editors consciously 'aided' them- like they've been doing lately.

I think we talked about this on the other platform. I was happy about their end of year selca only to find out they had deliberately taken that photo for the fans- who is FANSERVICE NOW?

KARMA IS A JIKOOKER.

If I had said JK looked like he had been dragged there to take the photo from that tight corners of his lips in the photo I would have caught a case on these streets from Tuktukkers and the wannabe fake woke jokers moonlighting as Tuktukkers. But sir energy don't lie.

By Soop is when they had talks of having drifted apart over the years. By dynamite there were some lowkey tensions between them and Tae was trying to reconnect or at least making the effort. By end of 2020 JK was throwing around that whole 'we used to be so close' phrase around willy nilly.

I feel BigHit is personally invested in the public reputation of the members- especially those two and if they feel they need to make a good impression and fix their broken image because it contradicts the BTS kumbaya agenda then they would want to take this opportunity to correct that through memories as they've been doing with the recent pairings throughout 2021.

More like, 'look Taekook are all good now.' Here they are eating ice cream together. Here they are taking a walk down the street holding hands. Here they are caring for eachother. Look Jk wiped Tae's tears.

They would want to put their 'chemistry' on full display- if they have that sort of content lying around💀 I mean that is the whole point of Memories isn't it? But like I said, they can't show us what they don't have. If they have it we will see it.

That's what I meant in my last post. I don't see how that's confusing or contradictory. Lol.

For JK, I'm actually looking forward to seeing more Namkook moments than Minimoni- organically I mean. Simply because Namkook as a pair through 2020 were equally conscious of building and nurturing their bond.

With Jikook, I don't know what to tell you. Their moments of tensions are usually short lived. They make up faster than you'd expect and wouldn't allow petty disagreements to ruin their bond to the point they would need say the company to intervene and fix their relationship.

That's just because Jimin is Jimin and JK is Jk. I mean JK's mother is not out here Jiminah saranghae-ing like a proud in law because she thinks or expects Jimin to not care or look after her son. Jimin is his hyung. Whatever happens with them I feel he will always have love for JK and often times is willing to overlook certain things. He's said so himself. He lets Jk get away with so much because he is cute and the Maknae.

I can't imagine Jikook drifting apart while still in the same band. Sure they will fight, sure they will disagree, hell I maintain they break up from time to time but I don't think it's ever going to be that bad.

I have my reservations about memories 2019. I'm waiting for memories 2020 to confirm my suspicions. How they treat Jikook in this will be so telling of a lot of things. But I'm not at all worried about them if you know what I mean?

Memories 2019 was a dump.

Jikook are real regardless. They don't need dumping or visibility to be real. Their bond has always been commercially convenient hence the visibility. Isn't that why people brand them as fanservice? Ships do have commercial value and are relevant and I remember saying if it were up to BigHit they will have more of ships like Jikook. The problem is the intersectional nature of ships. Tae and Kook have a dynamic as does Kook with Jimin and Jimin with Tae.

Taekook and Jikook are mutually exclusive as far as the nature of their bond goes. Both cannot be real at the same time.

Tae Kook can't be what Jikook is.

That one time in On Era the editors captioned a Tae kook moment as romantic was interesting to me. Things like that can create problems within Vminkook. Imagine everyone praising your best friend and your partner and calling them power couple and romantic while your own relationship gets defined as brothers, friends etc and not recieve the same respect and acceptance.

If Tae kook is real, all that homoerotic charge and romanticization of Jikook would be problematic as fuxk. As would Tae Kook if Jikook is real.

All that being said, I said I won't put it past BigHit to pull a fast one over Tuktukkers. They are in a for profit business not charity. If Tae Kook sells I trust they would be selling that to us. Unfortunately what Tuktukkers want is not Tae Kook, it's Jikook with TaeKook's name on it. That, I don't think anyone can help them with.

I hope this helps?

Signed,

GOLDY

49 notes · View notes

mc-lukanette · 3 years

Text

"Jagged!" Marinette burst into the hotel room, panting from the run it took to get there. "I got your emergency, what's the text?!"

The realization that she'd scrambled her words never came, as she stopped thinking upon seeing the non-emergency-looking situation in front of her. While Jagged seemed to have just stopped pacing around the room to look at her, Penny was sitting in her seat and was only startled by the sudden entrance. There was a third person she didn't recognize, though he didn't seem to be in any mood that would warrant an "emergency."

Penny, recovering from the brief surprise, sighed and faced Jagged with a stern look. "Jagged, please don't drag our designer into this—"

"But she's perfect!" Jagged insisted. With both hands, he gestured wildly to Marinette, who blushed at the extra attention. "She's sworn off men after that model boy and she's got rock n' roll muscle in case anything happens!"

Marinette eased her posture from earlier, rubbing an arm self-consciously and wondering what warranted bringing her past relationship up in the first place. Knowing she wouldn't get an answer from Jagged otherwise, she asked, "Um, what's going on?"

Jagged turned to her, grinning at her curiosity, then rushed over to the mystery man sitting on the couch. He grabbed the man's arm, forcing him up, then gestured to him with his other hand. "This is my son, Luka!"

"Lu—" Marinette blanked. "—wait, you have a son?!"

He nodded. "And I need you to act like his wife!"

"ACT LIKE HIS WHAT?!"

Jagged eagerly went to respond, only to be cut off as Penny cleared her throat, getting up from her seat to stand next to Jagged.

"Marinette, Luka is a lot more..." She paused, eyeing the two men and squinting in thought as she tried to find the right word. "...lowkey, than his father. That's why no one's ever heard of him."

Marinette was more surprised that Jagged could keep a secret for that long.

Jagged chimed in, grabbing Luka's shoulder and pulling him in. "And when he goes out, women and men everywhere go for him like he's one of my albums! I mean—" He gave an exaggerated gesture in Luka's direction. "—just look at him."

Marinette gave Luka a once-over, then nodded her head in understanding. "Yeah, I see what you mean." She realized what she'd admitted a second later and blushed, turning back to Penny in hopes that she could distract from it. "A-and I'm supposed to be... his wife?"

"Luka isn't interested in dating anyone, and he finds it troublesome to be hounded by so many people," she explained. "He doesn't like being surrounded like Jagged does, but he still wants to make his mark on the music world, meaning we have to start introducing him at events. Jagged thought it'd be a great idea—" She side-eyed Jagged, who looked entirely oblivious to the stare. "—for you to pretend to be Luka's wife so people will think that he's taken and back off."

"Dad," Luka suddenly spoke, shrugging Jagged off and shooting him a look. His voice was a lot softer than Marinette would've expected for someone who was Jagged's son, but that didn't make it bad, and it was actually impressive how he managed to draw everyone's attention despite it.

He continued, "I don't want to put pressure on anyone to have to be my wife. I told you, I'll just have to get used to the crowds."

Jagged pouted in protest, retorting, "But your song sensing is so much more sensitive than mine."

"I'm—" Luka hesitated, seeming to acknowledge what Jagged was saying. Nevertheless, he continued, "I'm working on it."

Jagged nearly rolled his eyes, the two quickly getting into a hushed argument over the subject. Marinette couldn't make much out - though Jagged had an infinitely louder whisper compared to Luka - but was able to discern that Luka had apparently been "working on it" for quite a while with little results to show for. Penny walked closer to join, giving an apologetic glance Marinette's way as if to say "sorry, they always get like this." Marinette believed it, as the two seemed to be opposites of each other, at least in terms of their presence.

It was obvious that Jagged had called her without telling Penny or Luka, but it was even more obvious why. The whole idea sounded crazy, and Jagged didn't seem to have a plan outside of, "pretend to be Luka's wife." Marinette understood the basics of what that would entail, but would she just have to be his fake wife forever? Could she be his fake wife forever? She had always dreamed of getting married one day, but she'd long since put those aside and tried to be content with staying single, though she mentally acknowledged that it was pretend marriage and thus didn't carry everything she'd let go of.

And then there was Luka. She didn't know him, but she could see his discomfort for the whole situation; that feeling of wanting to make things easier but not having the right person to rely on for it. It was all too familiar to her and brought memories of her past struggles.

"...I'll do it," she said resolutely.

Jagged, Luka, and Penny collectively glanced at her, then to each other, as if to confirm that they'd all heard the same thing. When they looked back at her, they all let out tonal variations of, "Really?"

Penny was gaping. Luka was confused. Jagged was beaming.

Luka tried to speak up, but Jagged beat him to it, bounding forward and throwing his arms out. "That's great! I knew you'd be the right choice!" He turned to Penny, practically radiating pride. "See? What'd I tell you? Now come on, we need to get these two set up!"

Penny was too stunned to reply, tossing Marinette a fleeting glance as Jagged grabbed her hand and took her away. Luka managed to recover from the shock a little quicker, blinking a few times before finally approaching Marinette himself.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

She nodded, offering him a sympathetic expression and appreciating his concern. "I know what it's like to be harassed by people who don't care about your feelings. If it'll help you, I'll do it." Shrugging casually, she added, "Besides, it's just like Jagged said, I've sworn off dating so it's not a problem for me."

He tilted his head, still seeming unsure, but ultimately smiled at her. "Thank you. I'll be in your care then."

She smiled back at him, extending a hand out for a handshake. "Likewise."

He gladly took her hand in his, equal efforts given on both of their parts to give the best handshake they could. Marinette's first impression was that he was really sweet, and there was something about his eyes that she inherently liked; they were warm and kind, meeting hers without any pressure for her to keep staring back at them.

She did anyway, and if they lingered a little longer than expected in their handshake, neither noticed.

#lukaneventte: No Context November #Flower Arrangement Shipping #((We don't settle for ''fake dating'' here.))#Pro LukaMari #Lukanette

260 notes · View notes

silverhandjoytoys · 3 years

Text

I got you, V.

Those words ricocheted off the walls of her mind, steadily growing louder with each passing second.

Told you that was a bad idea, but you just don't fuckin' listen.

Even when V was drifting somewhere between life and death, she could still hear the voice of the asshole rocker boy that lived in her.

The glitching was worse than it had ever been, making her feel as if her head was going to explode. She wasn't ready to die, but it seemed to be a foregone conclusion. It didn't matter how deep they went into finding a way to stop it, they were still so far away from a solution.

Come on, V, fight it.

Her eyes fluttered open sometime later. The smell of cigarettes and a dingy motel room filled her nostrils.

"Wha- fuck… Johnny?" She said, willing herself to sit up.

"Stay down, V. Need to take it easy." He appeared next to her, crouching next to the bed.

"What... where-" the room was blurred, objects barely formed as she tried to focus.

The only thing she could see clearly was Johnny. A hint of concern etched across his face, but she assumed it was just her vision.

"Brought you to a safe place. Those fucks won't find us here." Johnny said, answering a question she felt like she asked hours ago.

"Where... is here?" She struggled to return to full consciousness, head buzzing and vision distorting.

"Motel outside of the city. Stayed here a long time ago," he answered.

"This a they don't care if you vomit on the carpet kinda place?"

"Can't smell the aroma of vomit's past?" He asked with a little smirk.

V tried to laugh but she was hit with a shit storm of nausea and couldn't hold it back. She leaned over the edge of the bed and emptied the contents of her stomach at Johnny's feet.

"Barely missed me." He moved back.

V rolled back on the bed, feeling slightly better, "did you- how did you get me here?"

"Had to take your body over for a while. Only choice I had to keep you alive," he explained, stepping around her vomit to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Surprised I'm still alive after what you did the first time you were in control," she smirked and propped herself up against the headboard.

"Wasn't about to leave you in a pool of your own fluids." He kept his gaze on her.

V felt like she'd been hit by a truck, "thanks. I don't know what I'd do without you riding shotgun." She smiled slightly, trying to ignore the buzzing in her head.

"Guess there are some benefits to sharing the same body." He pulled a cigarette out and lit it.

There was something oddly comforting about it. Like a certain amount of stability had returned just from seeing him smoke. Normalcy in the midst of chaos.

"You ever wish you'd gotten stuck with someone else?" V asked.

"Someone with a dick maybe." He passed the cigarette to V.

"I can only imagine the chaos you'd cause if you had full access to someone's dick." She took the cigarette from his fingers.

Normally she wasn't one for smoking, but it was becoming a habit after a black out.

"You have terrible taste in sex partners," he chided.

"Still won't let the whole River thing go, huh?" V grinned and passed the cigarette back as she blew out a stream of smoke.

"A cop, V. You made me fuck a cop."

"Oh, then I can only assume you came too? Does that mean... you enjoyed it?" She grinned.

"Fuck you." Johnny shook his head and plucked the cigarette from her fingers.

"Had to feel good since you're feeling everything same as me. River is a God with his tongue." V pulled her knees up to her chest and watched Johnny take a long drag of the cigarette.

"Can we at least talk about future fucking? I should have a say," he said after a long silence.

"Okay, who did you have in mind?" V was curious if this was something he'd put actual thought into.

"Anyone with tits and a pussy." He said.

"That narrows it down a bit. I'm all for fucking chicks, but can we be a little more... selective?"

"Selective? The fuck does that mean?" Johnny furrowed his brow.

"No back alley hookers for one." V explained.

"Joytoys need attention too, V."

"Wait, so you'll bitch about flirting with Judy, but you're okay with back alley hookers?" She asked.

"Don't get me started on Judy," he warned, passing her the cigarette.

"Sound a little jealous there, Silverhand."

"Never been jealous before, ain't about to start." He shook his head.

V grinned and scooted closer, placing her hand on his shoulder, "don't deny it, you get all grumpy when Judy's around."

"Don't get grumpy either." He shrugged her hand off his shoulder.

V burst out laughing, even though it hurt to do so. "When are you not grumpy?"

"All the time, just said it," he replied without hesitation.

"Liar," V said, feeling his side for another cigarette.

"Told ya smoking is bad. No more," he grumbled, pushing her hand away.

"Seriously? Your first words when you crawled out of my psyche were where are my smokes." V reached for him again.

"No more. Need to keep your health up, what's left of it." He grabbed her wrist.

"Johnny, how do you feel when you're denied smokes?" She inquired.

"Doesn't matter what I feel, this is about you." He pulled another cigarette out and lit it.

"I'm literally getting taken over by you. Give me a goddamn cigarette." She reached for the one between his lips, but he caught her arms.

"Don't make me tie you up." He was able to hold her arms back with little effort.

If V hadn't been curious about him tying her up, she would've been concerned about her lack of strength.

"You wouldn't. Plus, you need me mobile so we can destroy shit."

"Not tonight, I don't. Told you to rest," he warned again.

"I'm not tired. At least let me sit up and smoke with you," V pushed, scooting closer to him.

"You're being more annoying than usual. Upset I used your body without permission?"

"Used my body would be an understatement. You took my body for a joyride." V tried for the cigarette again, this time winning the fight.

She knew it was only because he allowed her too though.

"Got you back in one piece, didn't I?" He asked.

"Barely. I'll need a week soaking in a tub and another week to sleep." She put the cigarette up to her lips.

"Gonna have to accept sleeping on a bed stained with bodily fluids and a shower that might not work."

"You couldn't bring me to a resort?" V joked.

"I brought you here for a reason, V," he admitted without so much as a glance in her direction.

V sat up a little more, "what reason is that? Getting tetanus?"

"Can you stand?" He turned towards her.

"Yeah, wh-"

"Come over here." He stood without explanation.

V slid off the bed and stood up slowly, letting her legs adjust for a moment before straightening up. She shuffled towards the kitchen, trying to avoid the large stains on the floor.

"Open up that cabinet and lift up the bottom board." He leaned against the wall while she carefully crouched to open it up.

"What am I lookin' for?" She asked, searching for a good spot to lift up the board.

She popped the board out and sat it to the side. She reached in and grabbed two metal dog tags on a chain.

"Are these-"

"Mine." He answered.

V sat back against the wall, turning the tags in her hands, "they've been here all this time?"

"Had to pry that board up myself," he said, stepping in front of her.

"Johnny... I- why are you giving me these?" V felt the significance of the moment right away. Johnny wouldn't do something like that if it was meaningless to him.

"Never found anyone worthy of having them, not one, until I met you, V." Johnny struggled to look up at her.

"Johnny-"

"You had to accept me coming into your life with no warning. Probably know me better than anyone ever has." He watched as she put them around her neck.

"Really didn't have much of a choice, but I'll be honest, I like having you around," V replied, letting the tags rest between her cleavage.

"Of all the people I could've ended up stuck in, I'm glad it was you."

The softest grin played on his lips and V realized it was the first time she'd seen him genuinely smile. No hint of anger, spite, or sarcasm at all.

She could've come back with a snarky comment like their usual banter but reconsidered. She couldn't ruin the surprisingly soft side he just revealed.

"I uh... thanks, Johnny. Means a lot." She stepped closer and kissed his cheek.

Johnny tensed and V froze, both of them realizing they'd never actually been this close to one another, even though they were connected. V placed her hand on his cheek and turned towards him, hesitating before pressing her lips to his softly.

V noticed his hesitation immediately and began to pull away, but he grabbed her hips and brought her back.

"You don't have to... I- I probably shouldn't have... "

He silenced her with a soft kiss that quickly turned harsh. He grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her in closer, his lips moving perfectly against hers. When he finally released her she was in a daze, feeling like the breath had been taken from her lungs.

"Johnny, I-"

"Been curious about that." He said.

"Yeah? Why'd you wait so long?" She teased as she tried to regain her composure.

"Didn't think you wanted it. Why'd you waste your time on the cop?"

"Just can't let that go, can ya?" She laughed and leaned in for a hug.

"Never will. Still annoys me." He pulled her in and held her pressed against his chest.

"I wouldn't have fucked him had I known you wanted this." V was enjoying the softness of his touch as he ran his hands down her sides to her hips.

"Guess we need to communicate better," he said.

"And here I thought our problem was too much communication." She kissed his neck without thinking and paused, unsure if he was ready for more.

Johnny let out a soft sigh, "you need to rest."

"I'm not tired. Especially not now." V said, not moving away from him.

"Not really sure of this is a good idea." Johnny said.

"Since when do you worry about that?" V pressed her lips to his neck again.

"Since I started to like havin' you around," he admitted, but he made no move to stop you.

"Isn't that a good reason to keep going?" She pulled back, searching his expression for an answer.

"Relationships with me tend to break down once the fucking starts."

"It's not like you can leave though." V shrugged.

"Might not work out like you think." He stood still and let her continue to kiss along his jaw.

"It might work out better than you think." V placed her hand on his chest.

"Stop and think it over before you keep doin' that, V." He let out a low grunt as she continued to kiss closer to his lips.

"Already thought about it, Johnny," she whispered, breath hot against his skin.

His hand was around her throat in an instant as he shifted their positions, pressing her back against the wall.

"Ain't no going back after. Sure you want this?" Johnny's lips were close, but just out of reach for her.

"Yes, Johnny. Tell me you don't?" She was already panting for him.

"Pretty sure you know the answer to that, V," he said softly.

"Then take what you want," she whispered, eyes darting between his eyes and lips.

"Exactly what I've always done and it usually doesn't end well."

"But not with me." V was struggling to keep from begging.

"V-"

"Please, Johnny?" She asked softly, hoping he'd give in to what they both wanted.

He pulled her into a harsh kiss, making her moan at the sudden contact.

His hands moved down her sides to grab the hem of her tanktop and pull it over her head. The sound of his dog tags clinging as they fell back to her chest was like music to his ears.

Johnny returned his lips to hers as if he was dying for another taste. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him flush against her. His hands moved down to her pants, working at the button and her belt until he could push her pants down to her knees.

He had to concentrate on being gentle with her after what happened. That wasn't his usual style, but for her, he was willing to change things up. He was finally understanding why it could be satisfying to put someone else's needs above his own. V more than deserved that, especially after he was dropped unceremoniously into her psyche.

"Damn shoes." She sighed as she worked to get them off.

"No rush, V." Johnny said as he trailed his lips down her neck.

She finally got them off and shuffled out of her pants. She pulled him close and kissed him again, needing to feel his lips against her once more.

"We're going slow. Can't have you feeling worse." He slowly walked her towards the bed and gently laid her down.

"You don't have to treat me like glass, Johnny. Not gonna break that easy."

"No doubts that you're tough, V. But you need to take it easy." He crawled on the bed and peeled her panties off, settling between her thighs.

"Just relax," he said as he lowered his head and slid his tongue up her cunt.

V inhaled sharply at the feeling of his tongue flicking over her clit.

"Fuck, Johnny." She squirmed.

"Still, V." He ordered and ducked his head back down to focus on eating her out.

She gripped the sheets beneath her and tried to stay still, but it was proving to be a lot harder than she thought.

The only sounds in the room were her shallow breaths and the faint sound of Johnny's tongue lapping at her clit.

The bed creaked beneath her the harder he pressed her into the mattress.

"Johnny..." V panted for him the closer she got to coming.

"Let go for me, V." Johnny said.

She held on as long as she could, not ready for it to end.

"Don't be stubborn, V," he said, breath warm against her skin.

"You're the stubborn one, Johnny, remember?" She moaned as she squirmed beneath him.

Johnny grinned and dove back in, moving his tongue faster and easing two fingers into her. V bucked and writhed until she couldn't hold on any longer.

"Fuck... don't stop- right there." She moaned loudly as she came.

#johnny silverhand #johnny x v #cyberpunk 2077 #the joytoys write

123 notes · View notes

sparklinpixiedust · 3 years

Text

Basic Training

This post has been sitting in my drafts for months now, during which I've come up with a few ways I wanted to write this post. This is what I've come up with.

Basic Training is the episode which made me hate Ben the most. The whole episode consisted him of being a stuck up brat only to be rewarded for it in the end.

This episode was the perfect opportunity to have Kevin in the spotlight and show how skilled and smart he is.

Gwen's presence in this episode was actually fine, there's no change needed for that.

Look, I know the shows named Ben 10 but we have seen Ben be the hero tons of times already.

And Ben being egoistic about his heroism is not something new in the franchise.

There have been episodes on the OS where Ben got a big head, yet I dont ever see anyone complaining about that.

Was is it because he was 10 that we excuse this behaviour? Nope.

15 - 16 is still pretty young and his attitude can be excused at this age as well.

My opinion? It was handled better in the OS.

There were times when Ben wasn't always the main focus.

In Lucky Girl, Ben has his ' who's your hero?' Moment.

They showed Gwen feeling jealous and hurt by the fact she wasn't noticed much.

It was realistic.

Then the epsiode proceeded to focus on Gwen , having Ben being kind of like a sub plot to the story.

Towards the end Ben compliments her.

So yeah Ben got big head, but at the same time they shifted focus so that the audience wouldn't find it annoying.

Gwen was in the spotlight for a bit, giving people a break from Ben.

Secondly , in Be Afraid Of The Dark, Ben again is shown to be slightly stuck up, but towards the end of that episode he learns and acknowledges Gwen and Grandpa for help and understands his crime fighting is more of a team effort.

In Galactic Enforcers, we are shown there are other heros besides Ben as well.

Ben wasn't the sole focus of that episode. Yes it was about him but also about the Galactic Enforcers.

I don't think he was shown to be over confident here , but it was nice to see some other heros in the scene.

The Ben 10,000 episode focuses on how Ben was too focused on his job and the lesson at that was Ben needed to relax and have them Galactic Enforcers take the lead instead.

Again , his attitude towards everything was brought in focus but towards the end he learnt something.

I recently started watching Generator Rex and I can't help but compare Rex's character to Ben's.

Rex is also proud , rushes into things and considers himself to be a hotshot. But they also show him being down ,having trouble with his nanites and actually voice out his insecurities.

He's still the hero, still has things go his way most times but it's not annoying like Ben.

( I've only seen like 7 episodes so far so I don't know if this going to go down hil or not but so far so good)

The issue with the sequels after the OS was that Ben was the focus a bit too much.

We as the audience were rarely ever given a break from him.

Other than a few conversations here and there about his attitude, nothing really was done about it.

Gwen should've been appreciated more for saving Kevin and Kevin should've been appreciated for stopping Aggregor.

But they weren't.

If it had been Ben , they would've made sure to show him getting some sort of recognition or trophy.

Back to the Basic Training episode.

We know he's the legendary Ben Tennyson, we know he's a hero. We didn't need another episode on it.

Instead the plot should've focused on Kevin. His skills, his abilities.

Ben would act the same but Magsiter Hulka should've put some sort of cover so Ben couldn't use the omnitrix.

Ben goes on breaking rules, and having a hard time being a hero without the watch.

Towards the end, it should've been Kevin who cracks the case and saves Hulka. Ben is mad he can't use the omnitrix but instead uses the guns and other weapons he's learnt to use at the academy

He's not amazing at them , but it makes him realise that he is hero , watch or not, something that has been emphasised in the show. Its not impossible for him to function without the watch.

Towards the end, Ben getting a 95 was a stretch. I'm sorry , but the guy wasn't great with using weapons and without the watch I dont think he would've been able to complete that hostage excercise.

I'm thinking more like 89%.

Gwen gets 98, that's fine and Kevin gets a 100.

Hulka comes in and awards the medal (?) to Kevin, suggesting he's becoming more like his father.

( im ignoring the ret con, plus the retcon I'm assuming wasnt thought off at this point by the writers)

Ben is shown to take one of the guns back to earth, because he thinks they're cool and he wants to practice and get better at them.

The whole hostage situation makes him want to get better at making strategies.

Yes he's good at improv, but he needs to learn to properly plan as well.

It doesn't matter if he's never shown to use the gun ever again, and he's back to relying on the omnitrix.

Or maybe some time down the line, he could use the weapon, even if it for a second, to show that he is improving and getting better.

Before you say 'he's already a hero, he doesn't need to learn anything ' sorry but no.

He's 16. He may have saved the world but he still has growing up to do. Different battles are going to arise all the time.

Saying he is perfect at 16 is dumb. Saying he's perfect when he's ben 10k , it'll make some sense. He's been around for a while and is pretty experienced.

The watch is a part of him, but seeing him try to explore other options would've been a fresher idea.

Another scene that made me mad was the court (?) scene in Vreedle, Vreedle.

Ben being a hero shouldn't make him above the law.

Domstol ruling in favor of Ben just because he's the legendry Ben Tennyson was stupid.

After Ben's little monologue , and destroying Domstols desk, the judge should've just informed him that being a hero does not excuse him from following the law.

Kevin could've had his little moment doing some negotiation ( would've been nice to see how he works as con artist) and Ben could've jumped in and helped while making some good points for the argument, showing us he's not stupid.

Then having Domstol rule in their favor would've made sense.

On the way back to earth there could've been a joke about how Ben watches Judge Judy too much which is where he learnt about trials and stuff. Or maybe Gwens dad taught him a thing or two at some point.

All this doesn't mess with Ben's character all that much, he's still the hero of the show, he still has his ego but it makes him more likeable, shifts focus from his attitude, and shows us he's pretty smart and is growing into a good hero.

Ben's not a bad guy. I mean he is the hero of the show. There are tons of scenes which show he's good , like the whole sacrificing thing so the ultimates could live and all.

But little scenes here and there tend to be enough for someone , especially for someone who isn't a super hard-core Ben lover to form negative opinions on him.

Although calling him a psychopath / narc is out of line because I don't find him to be like that. His attitude was magnified by him being in the spotlight too much and writers not having a good balance in writing situations.

Ben being the main character of the show is at risk of becoming hated or less appreciated just because he's the font runner of the show.

Admit it, side characters tend to get more love most times than the main agonist of shows.

I've been watching videos on YouTube on this topic as to why this happens , and what I've come up with is that writers of shows tend to focus too much on main character. Things seem to go their way most times and this tends to get on peoples nerves, consciously or subconsciously because it's not exactly realistic.

Having shows where everything focuses on one person most times tend to backfire.

I don't mind Ben having a big head, I dont mind him making jokes and being so casual.

It's his defense mechanism to protect himself from drowning into the struggles and pressures of being a hero. But always having him be that way isn't good.

The writers should've executed it properly.

( okay this post got really long, more than I thought it would. If you're read the whole things , congratulations on making it here lol.

I'm not going to stop anyone from replying to this because everyone has different opinions and we all have the freedom to express them.

Although I believe I've made my point and I've made sure to keep in mind all the arguments about why bashing Ben is wrong when he's not a bad guy while typing this out.

I don't think I've directed any major hate towards him , its mostly towards the writers for making the situations like that,but if you think I have you can reply to it.

I'm not gonna reply back though , because again I feel I've made my point.

Any agreements / disagreements you have with the post feel free to share because it is your right.

Any disagreements you have with other members, as long as its related to the post you can share it.

Any issues you have personally with other members, please keep them to your selves.

I will not tolerate bullying , harassing, name calling and petty arguments on my post and blog page.

If this happens I will simply delete this post and re-upload it.)

#ben 10 au #ben 10 #kevin levin #ben 10 alien force #ben tennyson #ben 10 reboot #ben 10 omniverse #ben 10 analysis #ben 10 series #ben 10 critical #ben 10 classic #my take

59 notes · View notes