#with this past month being my whole family falling apart

[permanentreverie]

omg I just realized Tumblr cut off my tags on my reading log because I had to do it on desktop since it's impossible to access my original post on mobile because of that dumbass update and desktop doesn't tell you you've hit your tag limit so my tag review of beyond the story is gone I'm going to commit mass murder in the Tumblr headquarters

[autismserenity]

know someone who enjoys horror stories? share this one! it's true!

hahahahahahahahahaha aarrggghhhhhhhhhh 3,000,000 deaths due to COVID-19 last year. Globally. Three million. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. The reason people are still worried about COVID is because it has a way of quietly fucking up your body. And the risk is cumulative.

I'm going to say that again: the risk is cumulative.

It's not just that a lot of people get bad long-term effects from it. One in seven or so? Enough that it's kind of the Russian Roulette of diseases. It's also that the more times you get it, the higher that risk becomes. Like if each time you survived Russian Roulette, the empty chamber was removed from the gun entirely. The worst part is that, psychologically, we have the absolute opposite reaction. If we survive something with no ill effects, we assume it's pretty safe. It is really, really hard to override that sense of, "Ok, well, I got it and now I probably have a lot of immunity and also it wasn't that bad." It is not a respiratory disease. Airborne, yes. Respiratory disease, no: not a cold, not a flu, not RSV.

Like measles (or maybe chickenpox?), it starts with respiratory symptoms. And then it moves to other parts of your body. It seems to target the lungs, the digestive system, the heart, and the brain the most.

It also hits the immune system really hard - a lot of people are suddenly more susceptible to completely unrelated viruses. People get brain fog, migraines, forget things they used to know.

(I really, really hate that it can cross the blood-brain barrier. NOTHING SHOULD EVER CROSS THE BLOOD-BRAIN BARRIER IT IS THERE FOR A REASON.) Anecdotal examples of this shit are horrifying. I've seen people talk about coworkers who've had COVID five or more times, and now their work... just often doesn't make sense? They send emails that say things like, "Sorry, I didn't mean Los Angeles, I meant Los Angeles."

Or they insist they've never heard of some project that they were actually in charge of a year or two before.

Or their work is just kind of falling apart, and they don't seem to be aware of it.

People talk about how they don't want to get the person in trouble, so their team just works around it. Or they describe neighbors and relatives who had COVID repeatedly, were nearly hospitalized, talked about how incredibly sick they felt at the time... and now swear they've only had it once and it wasn't bad, they barely even noticed it.

(As someone who lived with severe dissociation for most of my life, this is a genuinely terrifying idea to me. I've already spent my whole life being like, "but what if I told them that already? but what if I did do that? what if that did happen to me and I just don't remember?") One of its known effects in the brain is to increase impulsivity and risk-taking, which is real fucking convenient honestly. What a fantastic fucking mutation. So happy for it on that one. Yes, please make it seem less important to wear a mask and get vaccinated. I'm not screaming internally at all now.

I saw a tweet from someone last year whose family hadn't had COVID yet, who were still masking in public, including school.

She said that her son was no kind of an athlete. Solidly bottom middle of the pack in gym.

And suddenly, this year, he was absolutely blowing past all the other kids who had to run the mile. He wasn't running any faster. His times weren't fantastic or anything. It's just that the rest of the kids were worse than him now. For some reason. I think about that a lot. (Like my incredibly active six-year-old getting a cold, and suddenly developing post-viral asthma that looked like pneumonia.

He went back to school the day before yesterday, after being home for a month and using preventative inhalers for almost week.

He told me that it was GREAT - except that he couldn't run as much at recess, because he immediately got really tired. Like how I went outside with him to do some yard work and felt like my body couldn't figure out how to increase breathing and heart rate.

I wasn't physically out of breath, but I felt like I was out of breath. That COVID feeling people describe, of "I'm not getting enough air." Except that I didn't have that problem when I had COVID.) Some people don't observe any long (or medium) term side effects after they have it.

But researchers have found viral reservoirs of COVID-19 in everyone they've studied who had it.

It just seems to hang out, dormant, for... well, longer than we've had an opportunity to observe it, so far.

(I definitely watched that literal horror movie. I think that's an entire genre. The alien dormant under ice in the Arctic.)

(oh hey I don't like that either!!!!!!!!!) All of which is to explain why we should still care about avoiding it, and how it manages to still cause excess deaths. Measuring excess deaths has been a standard tool in public health for a long time.

We know how many people usually die from all different causes, every year. So we can tell if, for example, deaths from heart disease have gone way up in the past three years, and look for reasons. Those are excess deaths: deaths that, four years ago, would not have happened. During the pandemic, excess death rates have been a really important tool. For all sorts of reasons. Like, sometimes people die from COVID without ever getting tested, and the official cause is listed as something else because nobody knows they had COVID. But also, people are dying from cardiovascular illness much younger now.

People are having strokes and heart attacks younger, and more often, than they did before the pandemic started. COVID causes a lot of problems. And some of those problems kill people. And some of them make it easier for other things to kill us. Lung damage from COVID leading to lungs collapsing, or to pneumonia, or to a pulmonary embolism, for example. The Economist built a machine-learning model with a 95% confidence interval that gauges excess death statistics around the world, to tell them what the true toll of the ongoing COVID pandemic has been so far.

Total excess deaths globally in 2023: Three million.

3,000,000.

Official COVID-19 deaths globally so far: Seven million. 7,000,000. Total excess deaths during COVID so far: Thirty-five point two million. 35,200,000.

Five times as many.

That's bad. I don't like that at all. I'm glad last year was less than a tenth of that. I'm not particularly confident about that continuing, though, because last year we started a period of really high COVID transmission. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. Here's their data, and charts you can play with, and links to detailed information on how they did all of this:

Here's a non-paywalled link to it:

https://archive.vn/2024.01.26-012536/https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/coronavirus-excess-deaths-estimates

Oh: here's a link to where you can buy comfy, effective N95 masks in all sizes:

Those ones are about a buck each after shipping - about $30 for a box of 30. They also have sample packs for a dollar, so you can try a couple of different sizes and styles.

You can wear an N95 mask for about 40 total hours before the effectiveness really drops, so that's like a dollar for a week of wear.

They're also family-owned and have cat-shaped masks and I really love them. These ones are cuter and in a much wider range of colors, prints, and styles, but they're also more expensive; they range from $1.80 to $3 for a mask. ($18-$30 for a box of ten.)

[norrisleclercf1]

Just Come Home To Us

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Female!Reader x Lando Norris

Rating: R

Words: 3.8K

Warnings: Angst, some fluff, Smut, oral (both receiving), p in v, wrap it before you tap it, I'm sure there is some other, also this smut not the best written but hey I finished it

Our Boy Series Masterlist/ Previous: Memories of Old and New / Next: They're My Future, You're The Past

Synopsis: Things are never easy, even when you want to come home.

A/n: One more chapter before the end of Our Boy Main Story!

4 months have passed since that morning after the Monaco Grand Prix. 4 months since your husband kicked you out of the house and their lives. Painful nights alone, filled with tears and nightmares, the only comfort has been talking to Elijah and Cecile every day. Elijah was the ever-good son, telling you Charles and Lando were far from okay. 

His Papa was back in therapy and felt he wasn't ready to see you, not because of the fight, but because he wanted to better himself first. You kept your mouth shut, refusing to let anger cloud your son's judgment of his Papa. Lando, Cecile told you that he was holding everyone together, but she worried no one was there for him. 

It made your heart clench. Lando was the younger of you 3 and always in the middle whenever you and Charles argued. Closing your eyes, you suck in the bone-chilling air of Finnish winter. "Eh, don't fall asleep on me!" With an ache in your neck, you see your father on his snowmobile, grinning. The same grin he'd give Uncle David or Michael before a race. 

"I'm not old man, just enjoying the fresh air." Words are falling off, and the blanket of white surrounding you has your eyes burning. "Just call," Mika whispers, knowing what you're thinking. He could always see those thoughts whirling in your head. An open book is what he liked to call you. "No," Your father mumbles something about how stubborn you are, kicking off the engine and leaving you as he goes through the private course again. 

Why should you have to call? Charles was the one who wouldn't let you explain, even listen to you. He did what he always did: reacted first. A defense mechanism you have experienced one too many times. And this was the last time you'd be subjected to it. Charles has ripped your family apart more than once; this may be the time he succeeded. 

Kicking your own engine, you follow your father to the top of the point, seeing him staring out. "He should be the one to call!" You yell, the wind whipping around you. It was a lashing you have missed, the cold turning your blood to ice and making your lungs expand to suck in the crisp air. "Why?" You hated when Mika did this. He wouldn't take your side. He said that while he loved you, that doesn't mean he'll always defend you. Sometimes, the child must fight their own battle to determine if the war is worth it. 

"Why?" You trudge through the snow, stopping next to your father. Memories of being a little girl, learning harsh lessons, and the screaming matches of forming your own path. "Because he kicked me out and told me to leave. And I did. He ripped this family apart, not me." Mika turns, and you shrink back. Even after the words left, you felt their poison seep in. "The truth is a paper cut, but the lies are the bullet wounds. You did not help your cause when you continued to lie to those men. Good men who have given you a wonderful family and two gorgeous children." Mika sighs, fixing his glasses. 

"You think I don't know this? What do you want me to say? That I lost sleep, sometimes sick to my own stomach, when I watched Elijah grow up? Or when Charles would whisper how much he loved Elijah and me? Because I did. I've hated myself for 16 years; for 16 years, I have lied to the greatest loves of my life. I thought Nico was my air, but he was sea. Swallowing me whole and drowning me. But Charles," You break off, swallowing your tears. "And Lando, they gave me air; for once, I remembered what breathing was like. FUCK!" You scream out into the mountain air. 

"When your mother died, I felt my world slip out from under me. When you started to act out, a part of me felt like I failed. You started to date Nico, and for once, I thought you were okay. Instead, you were slowly dying inside. If your mother was here, she'd kick my ass and then yours." You laugh, wiping your tears, the cold making them burn like acid. "I failed my babies," Mika shakes his head, facing you. 

"You didn't. You never failed those children, just yourself. And that's okay. Because no matter how old you get, you're still a child. My child and we Häkkinens don't make things easy. Just ask your Uncle David." You laugh, remembering how Uncle David would tell you stories about your father. "I miss them. I feel like I'm missing pieces of myself." You whisper. 

"I should hate Charles for the pain he caused me, but then I remember all the pain he's been through. We're both hurt, Daddy, so I fear we might harm Lando sometimes." Mika chuckles, still picturing you 3 as the 20-something-year-olds back in the 2020s. "He's stronger than you think, trust me." Nodding, the two of you drive back down to your cabin. Slowing, you see a blacked-out SUV. "Who is that?" Mika shrugs as he stalks to his own car. "Don't know! See you tomorrow for dinner!" Scrunching your eyebrows together, you open the front door, heat greeting you. 

"Hello?" Slowly entering your cabin, you stop seeing the familiar old, worn-out McLaren jacket. "Lando?" You call, boots pounding as you round the corner and stop seeing the mop of curls with little bits of grey now in them. He turns and stops, and both of you stare at one another. "Hey, gorgeous." Hearing that accent, those green-blue eyes stare at you, and everything comes crashing down. "Oh, god. I'm so sorry." You sob, crumbling to the floor. 

Whatever he was doing is forgotten as he rushes to you, falling to the floor with you as his arms circle around you. "Don't apologize, please don't." He whimpers, his beard tickling you, and you cry harder, hating how much you've missed that ridiculous beard. "You're here, you're here." You repeat and pull back, exchanging messy kisses and words. "Of course I am. It's been a horrible four months. We would've come sooner, but work and," You shut him up by kissing him deeply. 

Lando groans, hands digging into your snow jacket as he relaxes. Pulling apart, you take note of his words. "What do you mean, we?" "He means us." You give yourself whiplash with how fast you look up. Charles stands there, face taunt and glasses hanging onto the end of his nose. You and Lando always say Charles has aged with grace, but right now, he looks like his 26-year-old self again. And it still has your heart skip a beat. Standing, you two stare at one another as Lando looks between you. 

Without a second thought, you rush Charles, and with waiting arms, he accepts you into them. "I've missed you," Whisper of words pass between you two, but he swallows them with his mouth. "Don't talk," He groans, ripping your layers off as Lando whimpers, watching you two. "Come here, baby boy." Lando blushes and grumbles about how he isn't a baby anymore. "You're still our baby," Charles's fingers tug Lando's curls, which has him staggering into you two. 

"Where's the room?" Lando asks as Charles bites and sucks marks into his neck. "Down the hall to the left," You moan as Charles moves to your neck and leads you with a tangle of limbs to the bedroom. Shoving the door open, you three stagger in as they make work of your clothes. Charles stops, lifts you up by your legs, and drops you flat on your back. "Charlie," Lando whines as he lays Lando beside you. 

Your husband leans back, taking in the wreck messes that are you and Lando. "I haven't even fucked either of you, and you're both so wrecked for me." Lando rolls his eyes, and you do, too, with Charles smiling. "That was stupid, Charlie. We're not young anymore." Lando teases and leans up, pulling him down by his necklace. Their kiss is soft, filled with love and emotion, and you swear you feel that hurt grow again. 

Lando pulls away, gently pulling Charles's bottom lip. Leaning up, Lando whispers something to Charles, who has his eyes cut to you and grow dark. "You're right, baby." Charles presses a kiss to Lando's cheek and moves to you. His fingers brush your jaw and then cup it, pulling you up. "Still as breathtaking as the day I met you in the street." He places a soft kiss on your neck. 

"A wonderful mother," Another kiss, and with each praise, he places a kiss before he kisses your lips. "I've missed you more than air," Raising your arms, he helps you out of your shirt, and Lando removes your pants. "Don't leave me again, please." Charles doesn't let you answer as he swallows your words, straddling you on the bed. 

"Easy, Charles. You both need air." Lando reminds me of which has you breaking apart, chests raising and falling. He leans in, pecking you both on the lips. "I love you both so much," Lando whispers and pushes you down, smiling at you both. "Take off your clothes," Charles groans, hating that Lando is still fully clothed. "Who's needy for me now." Laughing, you help Lando out of his clothes. 

"Still a pretty cock, for an old man." Charles's fingers wrap around him, which makes Lando shiver. "Speak for yourself; you're older than me." Charles chuckles, gently jerking Lando off. But Lando doesn't ignore you as he leans down, kisses, licking, and biting his way down, but he stops looking up at you. "I love you," He mouths before closing his eyes as his lips have you gasping. 

"Oh, fuck." Arching your hips up, Lando's large hand pushes you back down and makes eye contact. "Does she still taste like heaven?" Charles rumbles, pulling his hand away from Lando, who whines at losing Charles's touch. Lando moans when your fingers tug at his curls each time he curls his tongue. "Mh, Lan-" You moan louder when Charles bites one of your nipples and ruts up into Lando's mouth. 

Lando pulls away, and you whimper as you are close, but he shakes his head. "Charles, come here. I think you owe our girl a perfect apology." Charles pulls off with a pop and smiles. "I think you're right." Charles moves and stands off the bed, and Lando bites his lip. "Kinda jealous," Charles laughs and pulls Lando into a searing kiss. "Don't worry, you're next." Your toes curl when you feel Charles nudge you as he gets comfortable between your legs. 

"Are you okay?" You stop and think this over. It probably wasn't wise to have sex before talking things through, but damn, you've missed them too much. "Yes, fuck yes, just," Charles moves and slides into you slowly, which has you whimpering. "Easy, you're okay," Charles whispers, dropping over you. His arms cage your head, taking deep breaths to calm himself. "See, old." Charles whips a hand out and twists Lando's nipple, which has him squeak. 

"Jesus, just fuck me, Charles." The two look at you and stop laughing. "Watch your tone." Charles pulls back and slams back into you, which pulls out a whimpering moan. "Lando, you can fuck my mouth." Lando whimpers, hearing that, and the boys move. Charles pulls you close, and he moves in slow thrusts, and Lando gets comfortable for you both. 

"I have missed this mouth. Charlie is good. But you're better." Lando whispers, peppering kisses all over your face. "Missed you too," Opening your mouth, Lando lets you swallow him as he whimpers, screwing his eyes shut. You don't know where your mind went, but every lousy thought has gone away with the two of them here. You've missed them both so much that having them close to you has made you fuzzy. 

"Fuck, baby." Charles groans and drops down, covering your body with his as Lando's hips and Charles's move faster. Lando whimpers pulls away, and wraps his hand around. Charles bats his hand away and takes Lando down his throat, which has you whimpering and clamping down on your husband coming. Lando gasps as Charles sucks him dry, pushing Charles off as he drops to the bed, panting. The three of you are a mess. 

"Don't leave me," Charles whispers as you tangle his hair with your fingers. Exhaustion seeps into your bones, and darkness takes you over. 

-----------------------------------

Charles doesn't know when he wakes; all he remembers is tensing and his eyes flying open. Warmth covers him front to back, and something soft is wrapped around the warmth. Scanning the room, he groans. Memories of the flight, Mika helping them into your cabin, you coming back, the sex. Fuck, he shouldn't have done that. But he missed you, having you wrapped around him as he pulled you apart. 

Eyes move up, taking in Lando's puffed cheeks and mushed curls. He loved watching you both sleep; it was when you were more at peace. Rolling over, he feels his body go rigid. You weren't there, fuck did you leave. Slipping out of his husband's hold, he places a few soft kisses over the marks he has left. "Be back," Lando whines but settles back down. 

Bending down, Charles slides on some sweatpants and follows the light. He stops when he sees you sitting by the low fire on the phone. "I know, baby. I'm glad you and Cecile are having fun with Uncle Carlos." Charles leans against the frame, watching. "Yes, Papa and Daddy are here," Elijah must say something because your face scrunches up. 

"I don't know, honey. Um, Pa...Charles said some stuff during our fight that hurt. So I don't know if we'll get back together." Charles loses his smile and stands up straight. "Elijah, I understand you want me to talk to him, but.....listen. You tell Cecile that I'm okay. Also, please don't give Carlos a hard time, alright. Also look after the twins, oh remember that Oscar's daughter is coming to visit. Yes, Victoria. No, Elijah, don't fight with her. Just, okay, yeah, bye." Hanging up the phone, Charles quickly bolts into the bedroom. 

Lying down, Lando immediately attaches himself to Charles. The door creaks open, and you slide into the bed. But you don't cuddle into Charles; instead, you roll onto your other side, back facing him. 

He was losing you. 

-----------------------------------

"But, it's snowing, and I think it would be nice," Lando begs, trying to get you and Charles to do something together. "Exactly, it's snowing, and we're in Finland. It's not exactly a British winter." Charles grumbles into his coffee. "Yn, pretty please. This is the first time we're in your home country. I want to see it." Lando makes his eyes big, and Charles looks away quickly. 

You groan as Lando starts to smirk, knowing he's got you. "Fine, there is a trail we can take that the locals use. It's about 2 hours, both ways." Lando cheers and rushes to the bedroom. The tension rolls off of you and Charles in thick waves. Putting down his mug, he stands and leaves you with no words or kisses. 

45 minutes later, with multiple layers of clothing, you trail behind Lando, who talks Charles's ear off. "Yes, Lando, I know that." Charles smiles, kissing him gently as Lando takes a picture of the snow-covered mountains. It's another 15 minutes before Lando gets tired of you two not talking. 

"Cecile was wondering if she came here and visited you," Charles staggers, but Lando catches him without a beat. "Really? I guess the kids could come here and visit." It never occurred to you that they could come out and visit. "Yeah, it's a great idea, don't you think?" Charles stops walking as you pass him, smiling. 

"You could come home," Charles whispers, cheeks dusted pink from the cold weather. The scuff you let out had Lando's shoulders tense. He could feel the fight coming a mile away, and this was one place he didn't want to get stuck in the middle. "Do I have a home to come back to? Or will you kick me out again?" The sneer on your lips has Charles's face pulled tighter. 

"Charlie, don't." Lando pleads, placing a hand on his chest, wanting him to calm down. "Your home is with us and our kids." Charles's voice was eerily calm, and Lando knew that all hell would break loose with one more comment. "I think you mean my kids. Or did you forget Elijah isn't yours?" It was a low blow, but all the hurt and anger you've felt over the past 4 months was too much. How dare he come here and demand you go home when he's why you're not home. 

"You're right, he isn't mine. I don't even think you're mine too." Charles snaps as Lando looks between the two of you. Fear in his eyes, as this could be the end. The end of his family. "You're right! I was never yours! And you know what? I should've divorced you after you kicked Lando out. How he can still stay with you is a fucking miracle." Charles's face goes neutral, the same look he had when Mattia told him off. His emotions are gone. 

"When you two get home, I hope Lando has the fucking mind to leave you and take the kids and let your worse fucking nightmare come true!" "ENOUGH!" 

Charles and you jump, turning to see Lando standing there, breathing hard. "Just enough. Please?" He begs the emotions and thoughts he's held together, snapping. "What the fuck is the matter with you? The both of you?" Charles has the mind to look ashamed, as do you. "How could you say those horrible things to one another? We're married! We have TWO gorgeous children and a wonderful life. I know I wasn't there initially, that Charles held you together. That you told a lie because you were hurt and trying to not let it all kill you, but fuck." 

"Y/n," Lando turns, looking at you, before taking a deep breath. "What you've done, said, it hurt. You manipulated us in a way that has cracked this marriage in a way we'll never recover from. But, you know what. I don't care. I don't; you're the love of my life and the mother of my two gorgeous, brilliant, talented children. You could kill me, and I'd forgive you. But you are holding onto such hate inside you for Nico that it's hurting us all. Nico, he," Lando sucks in a breath. "Lando, don't." "Shut up," The two of them stare at one another before Lando looks back at you. 

"Nico, he didn't leave you. He bought a new apartment and wrote that letter to tell you how excited he was and how much he loved you. But you never read the letter because you thought he left you. And that's okay because if you had read that letter, you'd have never fallen in love with us, and we wouldn't have Cecile. Y/n, you're not in your 20s anymore. Please, you need that closure when you come home. Because this is not your home, please talk to Nico. There is a piece of you that you're hiding from us because of him, and I have ignored it for 16 years, but no more." Reeling from his words, Lando turns his attention to Charles. 

"And you," He points his finger at Charles, who curls back like Lando has slapped him. "Grow up, get over it. She didn't cheat on us, she didn't fuck him while you two were together and then lie. She never told us who the father was; she moved the truth around. I know that losing your father and Jules was the worst pain imaginable and then losing Anthoine, and that was another person who left you. Charles, we're not leaving you, but we will if you keep shoving us away." 

Charles looks away as the silence surrounds you. "Charles, Charlie, look at me." Charles looks up, staring deep into Lando's eyes. "Elijah is yours, Cecile is yours. Y/n and I are yours. Never think that will change. Elijah is your little boy, the first person he goes to. Listen to me. We're all going to therapy because I refuse to let this relationship fail. If you two don't get your shit together, I'm taking the kids and leaving. Now, fucking TALK!" Lando screams and shoves past Charles and down the trail, leaving you two some peace. 

You two stare at one another; Charles opens his mouth to say something but keeps closing it, unable to say a word. 

"You didn't follow me," Charles snaps his eyes, shocked at your words. "For four months, Charlie. You didn't call, text, write, or even ask about me. Four months of hell, and you come here and then demand me to come home." Stepping closer, Charles takes a step back. 

"A part of me was scared that when I got here, you'd kick me out. And that terrified me. I don't care that Nico is Elijah's," Charles swallows the words and clears his throat. "I care that you didn't trust me for 16 years. Care enough to tell me the truth. After talking to Nico and reading the letters, I understand why. But, fuck," He rips his hand out of his jacket and wipes the tears away. 

"It's all my fault. I went back to therapy and realized that, but a part of it is your fault, too." You scuff, but stop thinking it all over. "He hurt me more than I want to admit. I just wanted to cause him pain, and by causing him pain, I hurt us both." Charles hiccups, wiping away the tears faster. "Four months, that's how long Cecile and you haven't talked to me. We need you home. We'll go to therapy. Hell, I'll stop racing if it means you stay. I'm going to fight for our family." You throw yourself into his arms as you two cry in the snow. 

"Also, Lando is ready to kill Nico on command, and so am I. Mika told us what he said to you, and I'll skin that fucker." You laugh as Charles pulls you back into his chest. "Oh, also, could you possibly call your Uncle David off. While commenting, he's destroyed Lando and me, and it's not fun." You laugh louder, but it stops when the crunch of snow has you facing the sound. 

"Thank god, can we please go home. I'm about to freeze my balls off, and I know you both love my balls." Lando whines; Charles and you share a look and smile. "Yeah, let's go home." 

---------------------------

taglist: @thomaslefteyebrow @a-stray-soul @formulas-bitch @mickslover @myescapefromthislife @glow-ish @kittyfluffypaws28 @ryntro @copper-boom @allabouthappiness @jaydaaasworld @christianpulisic10 @lyraleclerc @daddyslittlevillain @dreamerrosie @driveswiftly13 @harrysdimple05 @sueesstuff @why4anne @nataliambc @cwiphswmwasohmm @buckybarnessweetheart @makingmyway-downtown @elijahslover @kapsylia @zeusmyster @adalynneva @babyvinnie @80sloverry @janeholt3 @silscintilla @ersamn @fanboyluvr @erinnorris @shamelesspotatos @roseseraj @champomiel

[willowser]

you had only to look at me—

part one.

bakugou x f!reader

wc: 7.4k+

tags: nsfw (18+), childhood best friend bakugou, oral (f!receiving), m!masturbation, lots of "first time" talk, more angst, more virgin bakugou.

even before i was touched, i belonged to you; you had only to look at me. — the burning heart, louise glück.

this is a repost.

you and bakugou avoid each other just like you did in middle school, only it's a little too easy this time around.

he's terrible at texting back in general, and because you're not initiating any conversations on your own — or sending funny memes or bringing up all might in some capacity — the radio silence draws ever on and on.

the closest you come to interacting with him is getting a snapchat from his mom, his figure in the background at their kitchen table. all you can see is the floof of his hair and the outline of his shoulders, but you're so bothered by the fact that he's home and didn't tell you that you don't even respond.

it officiates things in a bad way; he's really, actually not speaking to you.

and it's — fucking annoying.

at least in the past the distance was mutually and wordlessly agreed upon; you didn't talk because you were busy or didn't have time or anything new to say, but whenever he's come home — because he so rarely does — bakugou has always made his usual, god-honest attempt to irritate you.

and he still is, but this time he's doing it all wrong.

you go through the five stages of grief rather quickly, jumping from denial to anger overnight. several times, you type out something to text him, each message different than the last:

i know you were at your mom's jackass ☠️

it's really not a big deal and i think we should just forget about it, if that's what you wanna do ?

if i crossed some kind of boundary with you then i'm sorry and i won't say that again so you better call me before i put your baby pictures on the internet. i'm serious.

you're my best friend and i don't think it's weird that it happened. if you're being dumb because you're embarrassed, then don't be because i thought it was really hot

unsurprisingly, you don't send any of these and instead just stew in your own aggravation. lunch with him after the whole thing had been just as empty and awkward, and you think he chose the place near your apartment just so you could walk home and he didn't have to spend another second with you.

three months go by, which isn't long compared to other stints you've spent not talking to one another, but this one drags. like a lot. the only good that comes from it is that you graduate from anger to acceptance, finalizing a future without him in it.

except for the few times he invades your brain like a little parasite, red-faced and shuddering, gripping you like a lifeline, and then your stomach flips so hard that you feel sick and it takes genuine effort to check out of that daydream and back into a bakugou-less reality.

and then he shows up at your apartment, uninvited.

his mom hosts a sunday dinner that you don't go to, for several potential reasons. one would be that you'll have to see bakugou and pretend like nothing's happened even though you're still a little peeved; two is that you'll both ignore each other, and that'll reverse all your progress because he's been ignoring you already.

three is that he might not show up, and then you'll have to pretend that it doesn't bother you all night long.

none of that sounds better than watching trash television and falling asleep on your couch, so you tell mitsuki that you're very sick and very sorry, and that you'll make it up to her later.

because of this, the first thing bakugou says to you after you swing the front door open is, "you're supposed to be fuckin' dead."

suffice to say, you're surprised to see him; still outfitted in his hero costume, mask shoved up his forehead so that his hair is wilder than usual. there's kohl smudged around his eyes, messy, and they look brighter and harsher because of it.

there's also a family-mart plastic bag in his right hand.

"what?"

he just grunts, eyes snapping over your figure, dressed down in a too-large sweater and athletic shorts meant for running even though you've never done so in them.

in his hands — still gloved — the plastic crinkles obnoxiously as he holds it out. "old hag told me to bring this to you."

a can of low sodium soup, two apples, gatorade, and something over-the-counter for nausea. there's something else at the very bottom that you don't get the chance to inspect before he interrupts with his big, fat mouth.

"y'look fine to me, so why the hell didn't you go?"

you frown at him and — don't know what to say. clearly, it seems he's going the pretend-it-never-happened route, which is infuriating because he could just as well have done that months ago. even still, he won't hardly meet your gaze, staring for only a moment before rolling his eyes and huffing, sticking them anywhere else. if you peek close, real close, you'd say his ears are a little red, but maybe you're just looking for — something.

you shrug. "didn't feel like it."

he shakes his head like that's the stupidest thing he's ever heard, eyebrow arched. "why the hell not?"

"because, bakugou, i just didn't feel like going, i don't know what else to tell you." you huff, shrugging again when he doesn't say anything. "thanks for the stuff. is that it?"

his lips twist as he thinks, giving you another once-over before sighing. under his tank-top, you watch how his chest expands, the grimace that ripples over his face as he reaches a hand to lightly feel at his right side. "need your help with somethin'."

now you're just being petulant; you snort, raising your eyebrows as his eyes narrow at the sound. "me? are you joking? you need my help with—"

he groans loud enough to drown you out. "y'gonna let me in or y'just gonna run your mouth?" and so you step aside to wave him in wordlessly.

the backpack on his shoulder dumps to the ground by the door and he strolls into the kitchen like he owns the place, despite the fact that he's never been here before. you've lived in the unit for a year, but meetups are so infrequent and showing it off to him was never considered — until now; watching him shuffle through the bag on the counter, your nerves spike at the reality check.

alone together, again. in your apartment. well after dark.

that image of him is so — invasive, sweeping in at the worst times: between your legs, face as red as his eyes, the little moan he kept trying to swallow. how embarrassed he seemed when you asked if he felt good, if you felt good, and the fact that he still admitted it despite everything.

your entire body blazes like a flame to gasoline, and you try to focus on what else he's taking out of the bag, oblivious.

does he think about it at all? the way you have? at the root of the situation, that's what has been most bothersome: is he grossed out? simply embarrassed? does he feel taken advantage of? did he enjoy it and just doesn't know how to say it? the not knowing is driving you insane.

"i got—" bakugou awkwardly angles his body, gently touching at his side again. in his hands is a simple pack of first-aid supplies, like a wound wash and bandages and medical tape. "need you to change this shit for me."

"oh?" is all you can manage to say, still distracted, and whatever is obvious in your voice has his eyes snapping to you from across the kitchen, adam's apple bobbing. you clear your throat, struggling for normalcy. "the hell did you do?"

he's — going to take his shirt off. clearly, by the way he stretches out his shoulders and then slowly reaches behind himself to grab the material by the back, carefully pulling it up over his head with a low, stinging hiss.

bakugou's always been a lean kid — guy — but pulled so taut like that, after years of working out muscles you didn't even know he had, he looks — stupidly shredded, and the slow reveal of his tight stomach is not helping you to focus.

you just never realized how hot it was, because you never looked at him like that. until recently.

his mask comes off with his shirt and he tosses both onto the kitchen counter — again, as if he pays the bills here — and his hair is a mess and he usually doesn't care, but he runs a hand through it several times before finally looking back at you, eyes outlined in black.

"y'gonna help me or...?" he shrugs, trying to appear impassive — but it's too obvious; something's shifted, for the both of you.

you don't trust your voice anymore, so you just shuffle over to him, frowning at the dirty, worn bandage that's already unsticking from his skin. with his teeth, he pulls off his gloves and it's a wonder why he even wears them, really, because his hands are filthy underneath, covered in soot and black-stained grease.

standing like he is, arm slightly raised, you can see all his sweat, muscles shifting under his skin as he breathes, and his hairy armpit is staring you in the face and you don't know when he stopped being 12 and started being 20 and when he became such a man. it's not fair, that he should suddenly be so — attractive.

"you're disgusting," you tell him — and mean it — and it's met with such hot and irritated surprise that you have to keep talking before he explodes. "you should probably take a shower before putting on a new bandage."

it's road-rash up his right side, still shiny and wet and blood red. still raw. just looking at it is enough to make you cringe.

bakugou huffs, exasperated. "okay, gimme a towel then."

"i didn't mean take a shower here!" you squawk, taking a step back as if to further yourself from the suggestion.

detonation imminent; bakugou curls his hands into fists and the same muffled warning you've been getting your whole life crackles. "okay," he says, voice thin and razor sharp. "you're coming back to mine then?"

your whole life flashes before your eyes — or at least the few minutes it took for him to lose his shit between your legs. "what? no, why would i?"

"i need your help with this, dip-shit!"

"you're saying there's no one else that can—"

"if you want me to fuck off, just say so!"

things go silent, startlingly so. totally still, except for the rising flush across his face, one that you used to read as annoyance but are now translating into something else you never could have expected from him: embarrassment. it's starting to give you whiplash, how much you're discovering despite knowing him all your life.

"closet is at the end of hall," you say in surrender. "bathroom will be on your left."

bakugou mutters a quiet, angry little "jesus" before stalking back to the front door to get his bag, and then he's disappearing into the dark of your apartment.

you slump down on your couch and — struggle. watching the tv and absorbing nothing; it's a rerun anyway. the sudden, overwhelming urge to cry washes over you as the shower spray sounds in the background, followed by a low-timbered swear and the clatter of several bottles against the tub.

it's easy to butt heads with bakugou. you don't think there is any other way to interact with him, really, because he's so argumentative and that used to be okay, but now things are — off. you don't know what he's doing, what he wants, why he's here and in your shower when he could be at home or getting patched up at his agency. all the conclusions you can come to are frightening, a little, and they're hard to fathom; is he — does he want more?

is this just because he's a guy that got some action and is looking for a second round, or is this because it's you?

this stupid situation has only added an unnecessary amount of drama to your life, and you think maybe the pretend-it-never-happened route is the smartest path, even if you can't stop thinking about him and the strength coiled in his biceps, in his shoulders, and how tall he's become and — when did he lose most of the baby fat in his face, and when did he get such a sharp jawline?

how much is he working out, to get his body like that? he used to be a skinny, scrappy little thing and now — he can probably lift a truck over his head. must run all the time, though he's always been active, and you've never looked before, but you wonder how nice his ass is.

what he looks like under the shower, soapy and wet.

furiously, you blink out of your daydream, feeling like a foreign body in your own skin; if someone would have told you only a handful of months ago that you'd be having weird, sensual thoughts about your best friend, you would have laughed so hard you'd cried. or puked.

but if anyone else stands in that picture with him, your heart squeezes painfully. traitorously. already, you've shared so many memories with him; the start of elementary school, learning how to swim, giving each other equally bruised faces, staying up all night to study for important exams, tackling middle school graduation side-by-side, him making himself at home in your first apartment, just as you had done in his.

the devil on your shoulder asks: what's a few more firsts?

it seems like the shower stops in record time, but when you hone back in on the tv, the episode has changed and new drama is settling in. distantly, the rattle of the doorknob is more aggressive than it needs to be and when the echo of a swung-open door trails down the hallway, your heart suspends in your throat. never have you had to think this much just to be around him, and it's bothersome.

clean and relaxed, he's — softer; you spare a quick glance at him when he comes to stand beside the couch, distracted by the show on screen, and his hair is damp, starting to stick out again the more it dries. his muscles aren't made of marble anymore; still there and rippling, but he breathes calmly and his skin is baby smooth, tender. you eye his tummy and the line of fine hair running down into the waistband of his sweats, and do your best to ignore the sudden desire to kiss right above his belly-button.

"since when are they talking again?"

just as he looks at you, your gaze shoots back to the screen, eyes narrowing as you try to rapidly remember what's happening in the day-to-day for stay-at-home, pro-hero wives.

"uh," you blink, distracted — and he notices, "what do you mean? they've been hanging out, like, all season."

bakugou watches the tv in silence, occasionally glancing down to the bandage in his hands as he carefully spreads it out, as he dampens the towel with the antiseptic and dabs at his wounds. 

"even after she hit on whatshername's husband?"

"yeah, that was a misunderstanding," you frown at him but he doesn't see it. "remember when they went to that dinner party and all hell broke loose because—"

his flat look serves for a rude interruption. "they go to a lot of fuckin' dinner parties."

"i know, but," you scoff, annoyed, "have you even watched this season?"

bakugou scoffs, mocking and over-dramatic, "yeah, as if i've got all day to sit on my ass and watch your stupid girly—"

"you're watching it right now."

"because you've got it on!" he huffs when you sink into the couch, resolutely trying to ignore him. “start it over then, if you’re gonna cry about it.”

you gape up at him, going as far as to pause the show so that maybe he’ll acknowledge you and all your annoyance; he doesn’t. “start it over? this is, like, episode 26!”

“so? got a hot date or what?”

he’s not at all interested in the answer and that’s obvious when he spins around and holds out the bandage expectantly, staring down at the scrape — glowing red and angry, a mirrored wound you can feel scabbing across your own skin; itchy and irritating. 

finally he looks at you properly, frowning softly and — you see him then, can feel the tension lining his body as you carefully tape on his bandage. trying to hide how uncomfortable he is, though you he’s never had to do so with you in all of — forever. it’s nauseating, and again you're struck by the image of him, only now it's of the horror that had been on his face afterwards, at what you’d done.

it pushes everything over the edge; quietly, so that your voice doesn’t expose anything, you say, “you haven’t spoken to me in three months.”

silence weighs in the air immediately, heavy, and you watch him try to appear unbothered, shrugging as he stares back at the unmoving tv, jaw tight. “phone works both ways.”

“yeah, but,” your hands drop as he steps away to pull on a loose shirt, and you curl your fists into your own. just as he has. “i’m always the one having to reach out—”

“so why didn’t you?”

“what?” frustrated, you massage your temples, trying to soothe the nuclear headache threatening to incinerate you. “are you seriously trying to—”

“what’s the big deal?” he huffs, slumping down into the far corner of the couch before cringing, swearing as he gently touches at his bandage. “you’ve gone longer than that without talkin’ to me, so…”

the tone of his voice is infuriating, as if this is somehow all your fault — and maybe it is, because you shouldn’t have crossed such a boundary with him, but — he can be such a dick.

“it’s not just me bakugou, you could have just as easily picked up the phone, too!” your teeth grind when he shrugs again, leaning his head against his fist as he looks anywhere else. it almost looks like guilt that's dragging his expression down, but you know better than to assume he could feel such a thing. “you always—”

“jesus, if i always do this—”

“shut up for a second, damn!” and then because you can’t stand the stupid look on his face, you kick him in the thigh for good measure; it garners a warning glare, his teeth bared.

he easily catches you by the ankle when you try to kick him again. "tell me what the big fuckin' deal is."

"the big deal? oh, you mean besides the fact that you totally came in your pants?"

it stuns him for a second, eyes wide and face pale, before he's yanking you across the couch, narrowly avoiding the knee aimed for his gut. "you—fucking—!" a smack lands across the back of his head when he ducks and he plants a heavy hand over your face, forcing you to close your eyes and turn away.

"you're gonna blow my head off!"

"if i wanted you dead, you—" he intercepts the hand you blindly reach up with, crossing it awkwardly over your chest so that you're pinned down like a wild animal. "you would be!"

"kiss my ass, katsuki." you snark, and it does something to him, your use of his first name, because he's still for a moment before sitting back and collecting your wrists correctly, to hold against the couch arm above your head.

"you're such a fucking—" he swoops in so low that his nose almost brushes yours and he grabs the front of your sweater with his free hand, like he's gonna shake you down for some lunch money. "fuck, i could just—" and then he groans long and loud, so annoyed he can't find the words.

"yeah, well—"

"shut up," he lightly knocks his forehead into your cheekbone with another dissatisfied sound, letting out a heavy sigh as he sinks his face down into your neck.

all your muscles tighten on instinct, waiting for the sharp bite that's due any second — but his fingers only uncurl from the material of your sweater, slowly slipping around to tangle into the hair at the nape of your neck. his pull there is a little tight, enough for you to know he's got you, but not so much that you're head is aching; you can't imagine you have a sensitive scalp, anyway, after growing up around him.

you want to say something — which is an annoying realization because now you feel like too much of a talker — but you just focus on the heave of his chest over yours, the breath that moves through him. the minute jostle of his hips as he settles further into the space between your legs, almost comfortable. the slight swell of something unfamiliar against your inner thigh.

bakugou presses his face a little further into you, warm, and the tip of his nose drags along the column of your throat. successfully sedating you, distracted by the feel of his parted lips against your skin.

your body is hot all over, very suddenly; the sweater now feels like a death trap and hopefully you don't smell weird, though it's never been a worry before, not around him, and your adrenaline is rushing and you're kinda tired of acting like you don't know why that is.

fuck pretend-it-never-happened. it's been a long three months.

he's almost entirely pressed against you, but there is a small gap of space that closes when you open your legs a little wider, hitching them around his waist as his breath stutters against your neck.

it's happened so quick, so effortlessly yet again; you give a purposeful roll of your hips upward and are lost in him all over.

only — it's different than it was before because straddling his lap hadn't done much for you, but now the weighted outline of him is right against your center and the pressure that drags across you sends tingles up your spine and has your toes curling in your socks. when you let out a tiny gasp at the stomach-flipping sensation, tension coils in every curve of his body and the grip around your wrists and in your hair only tightens.

you can't help it; you let out a "katsuki" in the same heady tone as you did in his apartment and it has him falling easily into the slow grind you've been unable to stop thinking about. what shifts across his face is obvious, against your throat, like the scrunch of his brow and the slow drop of his mouth. he tries to muffle his breathy "oh" into your skin, but it echoes throughout your entire body, has an ache beginning between your thighs that he's already soothing.

the nip comes then, teeth sinking gently into your neck as you weakly cry out in surprise, but it's only for a moment before his tongue — wet and heavy and wide — is tasting over your jugular, lips closing around your skin as he sucks experimentally. you let out a proper moan then, squirming against his hands and up into him so that the pressure doubles for the both of you.

katsuki finally relinquishes your wrists, carding his hand down your body before coming to squeeze your hip, your thigh, locking your leg tight around his waist. "yeah," he rasps, voice deeper than you've ever heard it as he presses his forehead into yours. "how do you fuckin' like it?"

being bitten, he means, vengefully, but you're spread open beneath him and he's rutting the hard length of himself against you roughly, eagerly, and panting open-mouthed and you tighten up at the aggression in his tone and in his hands and his very being and —

"fuck," you gasp, loud and wanton, "fuck, katsuki—"

and then you are kissing your best friend.

the boy from down the street that always ruined your hair and taught you where to place your thumb if you were gonna throw a punch. that used his empty pen cartridge to blow spitballs at you and mocked you for losing crane games, even though he ended up giving you the stupid stuffed animal anyway. that had to be king of the castle, with his stick-sword and cardboard shield. that demanded you be his queen, weeds he picked for you woven carefully into your hair by his hands.

katsuki kisses like he's shy — another term you've never thought of in relation to him and all his fire and brimstone; it's slow and a little delayed in comparison to what his hips are doing, as if he's in his head too much and is trying to figure how to move his lips and when. tentative and chaste, until you run your tongue along the seam of his mouth and pry him open a little more.

it's making you hungry; that possessiveness from before is creeping back in, eager to have him in ways nobody else has. you arch into him, biting at his lips and sighing into his mouth as goosebumps break out across his skin.

with a slant of his head, he deepens the kiss and you can feel his nostrils flaring, the fingernails scratching against your scalp, the bruises he's probably leaving on your thigh. he lets up only to breathe, panting into your ear when he begins to bite and suck on your skin again; your earlobe and neck and even the cut of your jaw. like maybe he's hungry, too.

you fist a hand into his shirt just to tug it up his body, feeling the strong contract of his stomach when your fingers ghost against him. katsuki gets the hint quickly, rising up to his knees to tear the material off — much more harshly than he did before, which has you eying his crinkled bandage — and you move fast to take advantage of the new space.

it gives him pause when you yank down your shorts, pulling your legs back to slip them off and fling them somewhere across the room. his face goes red again, and his heaving chest, too, and his eyelids flutter as he takes in the sight of your flimsy, damp cotton underwear. you start to pull the sweater up your stomach, but he's watching so intently — so ravenous — that you get shy, without a bra underneath the too-hot fabric.

in any other situation, katsuki would have grabbed onto this moment, your hesitation, and held it over your head to come back and poke at. cataloged this little weak spot for future arguments, but now —

not once has he ever been gentle with you in anything; it's enough of a surprise that that's even a possibility for him, for the two of you, but he presses his body back into yours and kisses you deep, calloused fingers tracing over the new skin exposed to him. he doesn't try to push the sweater up any further, but one hand slips up your back, to splay between your shoulder-blades like it had before, and he's so close and you've never known him to be this — careful. with anything.

"y'r so—" katsuki rolls his hips again and groans, whispering against your lips. "fuckin' soft."

his sweatpants are still on and you don't know why, but when you reach down to help tug them off, he grabs your wrist before they can go too far.

he presses the heat from his cheeks into your own, like he wants to share it. "you done this before?"

"have you?"

he frowns at your non-answer. "i asked first."

you have. three times, technically, though a phantom pain echoes in your stomach at the memories, and you feel an odd emptiness in your chest that makes you really glad to have the sweater still on. your answer leaves you a little ashamed, under his gaze, and you purposely turn from it. "would...that bother you?"

before, you wouldn't have cared, didn't care, nor were you even thinking of him when it happened. wherever he must have been; u.a, probably, getting ready to make his lifelong dreams a reality while you trusted a boy that didn't look at you the way katsuki is now. that didn't hold you and touch you and kiss you the way your best friend has.

he scoffs, though it doesn't sound as careless as it usually does and he squeezes his eyes shut so you can't read them. the truth that's hidden there. "no," he lies, "why would—" but he doesn't finish, just sighs.

"it was awful anyway," you tell him, offering a small smile when he peeks down at you. he doesn't say anything, so you kiss him once, twice, until his tension is melting away. "should have been you."

the grip on your thigh turns almost painful and he grinds into you so roughly that you both gasp, loud in the tight, barely-there space between you. "yeah," he rasps, sucking another bruise into the hollow of your throat. "fuckin' should have."

you try to imagine it; eighteen and nervous, naked in front of him for the first time since you were seven and got into paint from his mom's workshop, when she made you both strip down in the same room, furious. how different he might have been with you then, how much more unsure. kinder than your ex, without a doubt, even for katsuki, and he probably wouldn't have even gone through with the whole thing, considering how uncomfortable the first time is.

or maybe it wouldn't have been, with him; maybe he would have looked into it, taken the time to wind you up the same way he is now so that you were eager and wet and ready. looking down at you with his wide, almost-black eyes in the dim light of a table lamp. another first to share.

"if i'd have just," he huffs, allowing his sweats to slip down past his hips. shoulders trembling when he makes you moan out his name again. "fuckin'—grown a pair 'n told you—"

the weight of him becomes more obvious, the straining bulge he's rocking into your core, and seeing it is — really getting to you; wearing such tight boxers, you can tell just how close the pink tip of him is to his waistband, nearly peeking out from just how hard he is.

it takes a shrug to get him out of your shoulder, so you can press your lips back to his. "can still be you, katsuki," you breathe, biting on his bottom lip until his tiny frown is gone. "if you want, it can still be you."

for a minute, he indulges himself in the greedy kiss you're giving him, testing strokes of his tongue against your own as his hips stutter out of rhythm — but it's when your fingers brush through the hair at the base of his stomach, trying to slip a hand into his boxers, that he's gasping into your mouth and pushing his body up and away.

determination settles over his face then — along with his vibrant flush — and he doesn't say anything as he grabs you like it's nothing and scoots you up the couch so that your back is pressed to the arm, propped up. once he settles between your thighs, he just rests his face into the plush of your stomach — which is humiliating and has you squirming, but the firmness returns to his hands; holding your hips so that you'll still, so that he can kiss right above your belly button, just as you wanted to do to him.

heat flares in your own cheeks — and down your chest and in your ears and searing on the back of your neck — when you feel the first puff of his warm breath against your underwear, where you're sensitive and slick and aching.

this is completely new to you; your ex-boyfriend probably never considered tasting you here, certainly not with the same desire that's painted across katsuki's face. you have to slap your hands over your eyes and bite your lip, embarrassed, suddenly, at how desperate the simple press of his mouth to your underwear makes you.

"hey, hey," katsuki grunts, pinching at your hips until you peek at him through your fingers. the highlights of his cheeks are crimson and his eyes are black, glaring with an intensity that makes you shiver. "it's my fuckin' turn."

to make you fall apart, he means, just as he had.

at the first hot drag of his tongue against the material, you squirm, leaning your head back so that your expression is hidden. another grunt comes from him, you think in dissatisfaction, but he continues, laving until your mouth is falling open and the fabric between you is drenched.

he's gone just long enough to be replaced by the ghost of his thumb, touching you much too-gently. hunger has you stealing another look at him, watching behind your hands as he stares, blatantly, at the mess he's already made of you, stroking the pad of his finger against the sodden material in interest.

discovering; a curious swipe over where you're aching has you sighing and trembling and his eyes jump back up to your covered face, open mouth curling into the faintest smirk as he does it again and again and again. it's bullshit — how quickly he's figured you out, almost as if your body was meant to be unraveled by his hands — but then again, it didn't take you long either, did it?

"katsuki," you hiss, digging a hand into the hair at the crown of his head, tugging on it until his smile is dropping and his eyes are lidding. your body is on fire and your legs are trying to close around his head, hips squirming as he toys with you, like the little brat he is.

deadly serious, he grabs your underwear and holds it tightly in his fist so that you can wiggle one leg free, and then he's tugging it out of his way and devouring you whole.

it's sloppy, the mixture of spit and slick as runs his tongue through you, wet and wide, and you're so sensitive that you squeak out in surprise, fingers tightening. a groan punches from deep in his chest and your hips buck at the vibration of it, drawn so tight already.

"oh my—" you gasp, dropping your other hand from your face to grip the couch; eyes closed, you're somewhere else entirely, lost in the clumsy swirl of pleasure between your thighs.

katsuki raises his head to breathe, reaffirming your grip in his hair by wrapping his fingers tight over your own. at the shiny sight of his mouth, you can't help but to whimper with a needy roll of your hips, until he's simply sticking out his tongue and allowing you to ride it, to use it as you need to. it's embarrassing, how desperate you are, but his eyes are knife-sharp and trained on you and you've never experienced anything like this.

he moves then, slipping one hand further up under your sweater, cupping your breast carefully as his lids flutter — and the other is shoved between his hips and where they're pressed into the couch. you tighten up at just the idea of him rutting into his hand while kissing your messy slit, moaning openly, head falling back as your eyes start to roll.

this is — fuck — you've never been so turned on in all your life and it's driving you crazy; at one point in time, the thought of bakugou like this would have grossed you out, but now you think it's only like this because of him. anyone else wasn't right, not the way he is, and he's maybe a little impatient and unwieldy, but it's katsuki. between your legs with his mouth on you — something he wanted — and his fingers are brushing over your nipple and the other is down his pants, wrist flexing and —

"fuck, oh fuck, i—" you try to sit up, chasing blindly after the high, but he forces you back down. a long groan is muffled by your skin and when he lifts his chin just a little, a glob of spit falls off his lips and the sight makes your toes curl before he presses back into you and sucks.

everything goes blank as you free-fall into him and you cum quietly, muscles so taut in your body that your voice can't even squeeze out of your throat. the minute you're able to breathe, he's biting a mark into your thigh and yanking you back down under him, lips slick against yours.

tasting yourself on his tongue has you coming out of the heady haze, ravenous; katsuki helps you to shove his boxers down, though he can only gasp tightly when he grinds against you, coating himself.

"'m not—" his soft hair tickles your face when he shakes his head, arms trembling beside your head. "i won't be able to—"

"keep going," you breathe, smearing your mess over the tip of him and down his length as he groans. "i don't care, keep going."

he smashes his lips to yours, though he's only able to meet the pump of your hand a few times before dropping his forehead to your shoulder, spine curling, fingers digging into your hair. katsuki swears long and low, eventually letting out a soft sound you wouldn't have expected from him as his entire body tenses and he spills onto your stomach.

"goddamn it," he moans into the fabric of your sweater, weary, after a long moment. "now 'm fuckin' tired."

and for some reason that makes you laugh, though the lust is dissipating and your nerves are trembling at the memory of how this ended last time. katsuki pulls away suddenly, making your stomach drop, and he doesn't look at you as he detangles himself, awkwardly shuffling away from the couch and out of sight.

you frown down at the mess on your stomach, the way it's pooling in your belly-button — and you'll be damned to let him leave you like this, but just as you finishing reciting over and over what you want to say, he appears, towel in hand.

it's still damp from his shower and you tense on instinct, waiting for him to start twirling it with that stupid grin on his face, but katsuki only arranges your legs so that he can sit between them, carefully wiping you off as his cheeks burn. and you just watch him, the way he runs a hand over your skin to make sure he got it all before helping to finagle your underwear back on properly.

then he just looks at the tv, unmoving. if he's trying to appear casual at all, it's a piss-poor job — but he's never been able to keep his fat mouth shut for long.

the look he gives you lacks its usual heat, though you can't tell if that's just because he's drained or if he's withdrawn for another reason. "what now? six months, a year before you talk to me again?"

and you're annoyed all over again.

"what?" you return his weak glare, sitting up properly so that you're right in his face. "are you kidding me? you didn't talk to me either."

"the hell did you want me to say?" he scoffs and — you could slap him, for ruining everything so quickly. wipe that stupid look off his face with your fist. "'sorry i busted a nut, you free for dinner?'"

"yeah!" the shrill tone of your voice makes his eyes widen, and you throw your hands up in the air, incensed. "that sounds wonderful in comparison to coming home and avoiding me."

"i didn't avoid you," he mutters, though his eyes drift back to the tv. "just didn't have shit to say."

"bakugou," you slap your hands over your face for the second time, though this one is much worse than the last. "how is that fucking fair? what did you want me to say?"

and now — his eyes are full and furious, mouth curling down into an ugly frown that you've so rarely had the pleasure of seeing on his face; every time his mother made you go home and when you told him you weren't gonna try to test into u.a. when he overheard your girl friends teasing you for liking an older boy in your school.

when he was losing you, you realize.

"'m not doin' this shit with you," he mutters, definitive, before swiping his shirt up off the floor and standing. "not doin' this bakugou shit."

"oh my god," you groan, rising, too, because your stomach is twisting at the thought of him leaving again, no matter how angry he's making you. "what does that even mean?"

you trail him as he stomps into your kitchen to grab his work shirt and mask from the counter, trying to interrupt him at every turn, and the scowl on his face only grows when you shoot to stand in front of the door, just as he reaches for his bag.

"you can't—"

"this," he seethes, gesturing to you and then himself before gritting his teeth so hard that they should shatter. "this is why i didn't wanna fuckin' talk to you."

you knew he didn't. the minute lunch ended and when you made out his shape in mitsuki's snapchat: you knew. but hearing it from his mouth is as much of a confirmation as it is a kick in the gut.

there's more he's struggling to say, mouth shifting as he chews on the words and the skin of his lips. his gaze jumps from you to the door to something on the counter before he's swallowing again, staring down at you with brand new eyes.

the light in the kitchen makes them shine, angry and sad. "i can't—" he sighs, nostrils flaring like he's mad at himself for struggling. "go back to bakugou, not after—" a vague hand waves toward the couch. "maybe this is just, i don't know, whatever to you, but i — fuckin' can't."

tell me what the big fuckin' deal is; earlier, he'd demanded it of you, why the silence mattered so much this time when it didn't seem to matter before. in the midst of your anger, you didn't think twice about his wording but now —

he wanted you to say it. katsuki wanted to hear you say that it hurt to be without him for so long, and he kept his distance because he was afraid that you wouldn't.

"you're so stupid," you mutter it quietly, and his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, enraged, but before he can get another dumb word out, you loop your arms around his neck and just — kiss him.

not crazy or wild or lust-driven, just your lips to his, slowly working him out of the shell he's tried to hide behind.

the bag in his hand hits the ground with a soft thud and then his arm is wrapping around your back, tugging you to him as he finally breathes and opens his mouth — and lets you in.

when you cup the sides of his neck, katsuki inhales sharply through his nose, pulse jumping under your fingers, and his lashes flutter against your cheeks as he opens his eyes. he pulls back enough so that you can stare at each other and you realize that eyeliner is still clinging to his lids, making him seem sharper than usual.

you're a little stunned, then, at how beautiful he is. 

"i can't go back to bakugou either, dumbass." gently, you knock your forehead into his, smiling at the pout on his face. "you've totally screwed that up for me."

"yeah, well," he huffs, "about time. only took you all my goddamn life."

"sorry i'm late."

"what else is new?" he rolls his eyes and you squeak, indignant, before sticking your tongue out at him, patience worn thin already.

you expect a bite or a pinch to the cheek or another rough violence that falls along the lines that have made up your relationship thus far — but instead there is only something soft that reflects in his eyes and the shy kiss he presses to your lips, something that he's kept safe just for you, guarded, with his stick-sword and cardboard shield.

[christinesficrecs]

Any recs where Talia or the hales absolutely hate stiles or disprove of their relationship? I’ve already read the searching ceremonies.

hedwig221b (don't feel awkward! 🩷) also had a fic that matches this ask. So, go read that as well if you're a fan of the angst.

The Happiest of All by Hedwig221b | 32.5K | Explicit

“It’s every wolf’s dream. To find a perfect mate, to procreate. It’s a necessity, it’s healthy. It’s in our blood; akin to the moon in the sky, a wolf belongs to their mate. And humans don’t have the capacity to become a mate.”“But I love him,” Stiles whispered, begged.Talia stayed silent for a couple of minutes.“That’s why you should understand it’s not healthy for him to be with you,” her words were simple and clear, like a piece of glass, but sharp all the same. “He will not find true happiness with you. You’re wasting his time. Preventing him from having a future he deserves.”

Also, compromised-emotionally suggested this one.

Down By Contact by standinginanicedress | 117.4K | Explicit

Lydia looks over her shoulder to look at Derek Hale again, then back to him. “He’s an asshole, you know.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Stiles is confused, furrowing his brow. “I’ve only spent the last ten years of my life fighting with him.”

“Yeah, but, I mean, he’s an asshole,” she draws the word out nice and long, as if it takes on a different meaning depending on exactly how she says it. “No one who has ever dated or hooked up with that guy has ever had anything nice to say about him after the fact.”

“What do I care about that?”

She looks at him. It’s that all-knowing, all-seeing gaze, like the eye of Mordor. Stiles feels tiny under its wrath, so he looks away and stares down at his beer can, traces the design with his thumb. “I know you, Stiles Stilinski.”

“Not really. We only dated for, like, five months.”

With a snort, totally uncharacteristic of her and something she would never do sober, she rolls her eyes. “Gee, I wonder why.”

Hmmm. Not really, but here are a few.

Divided We Stand by  KouriArashi | 156.7K

Derek is being pressured by his family to pick a mate, and somehow stumbles into a choice that they didn’t expect and aren’t sure they approve of….

A Pair of Shoes by ReedMeme | 5.7K | Explicit

He was the human boyfriend. A lot of them don't really approve. Of course his boyfriend had to have a huge family. Which makes sense with the whole Werewolf thing, he supposes. But once in a while, Stiles still wishes he knew that before falling abso-fucking-lutely head over heels for Derek Hale.

Hello, Heartbreaker by  astoryaboutwar | 18.4K

Stiles and Derek have been fuckbuddies for a while when Derek loses his memories of the past three years - and them - in an accident.

Talk Me Down by SylvieW | 26.3K | Mature

After the Hale family narrowly escapes the fire, Derek moves to New York to escape their lingering resentment. There, he meets Stiles, and feels an instant connection to him, but their relationship, and Derek’s self worth is tested by the hurdles Derek’s pack throws at them

I Would Fake Forever With You by Halevetica | 53.9K

Derek Hale is the black sheep of the family, always has been. That’s why he moved to Seattle. Now he’s got a job he loves, a nice apartment with an incredibly hot and endearing neighbor, Stiles Stilinski. One night when Derek’s overly large and demanding family shows up early for their yearly visit, they run into Stiles, who is accidentally introduced as Derek’s boyfriend.

Taught by Experts by unpossible | 29K

“Let me get this straight,” Stiles says. “You’re going to be publicly dating someone else.”

[valyrfia]

the best possible outcome for this is charles delaying the contract negotiations till next season summer break to see if ferrari is loyal to him or at least listening to him

Yes, completely agree. As I outlined here, I think Charles is and has been stalling negotiations. I'm not entirely sure whether he's been stalling them for a while (ie. since the summer) or whether this is a recent development with the way this season has gone after the summer break, (considering when there were rumours of a 35 million € per year 5 year contract floating around in August Charles said he wish they were true). Either way, it seems these articles today about Ferrari trying to pursue a contract extension with Charles are a deliberate leak by Ferrari to try and force Charles to the negotiating table, and put the spotlight on Charles and his contract. Although, if that's the case, I reckon it's backfired a little bit as the overwhelming public response to those articles has been that Charles should go nowhere near a new contract with those clowns.

This is absolutely dire for Ferrari. As my colleagues and I have pointed out on #Lestappen Gate 2023, that second Red Bull seat is being nicely lined up for Charles. I think it's pretty obvious at this point that he's Red Bull's first choice to fill that seat in 2025 . Ever since Monza, when no contract extension materialised (which was the first sign that something was off between Charles and Ferrari), Red Bull have: said they intend to sign two number one drivers (drastically changing their narrative from earlier in the year) with Max specifically saying he thinks him and Charles could be teammates (also changing his narrative from earlier in the year), had Charles's onboards up at at least two races alongside their actual signed drivers (Mexico and Brazil GPs). This doesn't even begin to cover the whole PR net that they've managed to weave, from the increase in Max and Charles content (driven largely by the RBR social medias! F1 and Ferrari social media have contributed, but this is largely reactionary), to Christian greeting Charles in front of the press and Netflix in Brazil. This past month has been a pitch by Red Bull to try and convince both Charles and the general public that Charles should fill that seat in 2025. And it's largely worked on the general public! It hasn't quite filtered through to commentators yet, but the idea of Charles in a Red Bull is all over social media and in Ferrari replies, I can confidently say that there's a zero chance that Charles's hasn't seen it. The last great question is whether the pitch has worked on him or not.

In a way, we're in a very different situation to a month ago, when everyone was full of bravado and pretending like they didn't really care/everything was fine. The parties involved are beginning to show their hands now–Ferrari is falling apart at the seams and can barely be called a race team anymore and yet is desperate to not lose Charles, Charles is refusing to enter proper contract negotiations and is threatening to leave unless Ferrari gets its shit together in an extremely short timeframe, and Red Bull is eagerly lurking and hitting Charles with constant reminders in their press and race reports that he is a champion and deserves better. The game is a lot more transparent now, but as a consequence just got a whole lot messier.

As a footnote as well, we haven't really touched on the Carlos situation much and that really requires a whole separate analysis, but it makes things even messier for Ferrari. It's quite obvious that they won't re-sign both Carlos and Charles and are not entering negotiations with Carlos until Charles is sorted (as semi-confirmed by the Sainz family's shady twitter activities). With Charles stalling negotiations like this, Ferrari could end up in a situation where they lose both Charles and Carlos.

So my main take away from this is that I definitely do not want to be Fred Vasseur at this instance.

[furryllamas]

Can’t Help Falling in Love | A. Walter

+ Alex Walter x OC

+ Summary: Life has been difficult for sisters Jackie and Eden Howard. Obviously regular teenage girl problems, such as boys, school, and friends. Except tragedy that ensues, the death of their parents and older sister. They'll have to navigate a life without their family, just throw in love, the countryside, and a whole lot of boys in one roof.

+ Authors Note: Hey guys I really hope you enjoy this first chapter, I was really inspired after seeing Ashby play Alex and absolutely fell in love 🤍

 Chapter 0.0 | Two Time Zones Apart

The sound of LA traffic was not great, but it was definitely quieter than the sound of the streets of New York. It's only been 6 Months since I moved to LA semi-permanently. I still got homesick often but there was no place like California. Ever since the transition from being a model to a singer it was a choice I had to make, with mom and dads approval of course, even if it meant seeing Lucy and Jackie less.

"Oh Gosh. What time is it?" I grumbled as I rubbed my eyes. I looked towards my bedside table and picked up my phone. "10:30 AM" I removed the bed covers and stretched my arms over my head. The smell of my room always gave me some comfort in the mornings. I headed to the restroom and pulled my hair into a bun and turned the faucet on. I started washing my teeth when I heard my phone ringing. I ran back to my room to pick up my phone that was lying on the bed. A video call from Jackie. I quickly pick up the phone as I walk back to the bathroom.

"Juswt whun sewkand-" I attempted to say with the tooth brush still in my mouth. Jackie let out a quick laugh, "take your time Eid." I put my finger up, just one moment, and place the phone in front of the faucet handles, holding it up. I quickly rinse out the toothpaste and splashed my face with water to ensure I would fully wake myself up.

"Hi Jacks! How's it going?" I waved and picked up my phone.

"EDEN! It's going so well! I can't wait for you and Lucy to come home today! I missed you guys so much." Jackie smiled softly.

"Oh my, we haven't been away from you that longgggg" I teased as i sat down on my Vanity. I panned my phone to the stack of luggage by my window.

"Okay I know, BUT, I just missed you guys so much." She sighed. "It's been a month since I've seen you and Lucy. I'm just so excited for you to see my excellent work tonight."

"I know Jacks, My flight is at 2 so I'll probably be there by 7-ish." I start applying my makeup and look away from my phone. " and plus Lucy will be there sooner than me, so you'll get her while you wait for meeee."

She laughs, "Right, what would I do without your wisdom." She stays quiet for a couple of seconds, "How's your new song going?"

I wince, "It's going..." She looks at me confused. "I've just been lacking in inspiration lately. I'm hoping going home will help with that."

"I'm sure you'll get a spark of inspiration once you spend some good old fashioned time at the ballet with me."

"Thanks Jackie, I've missed you guys so much. I can't wait to get there tonight."

I stop to think. "Dinner at The Penrose?"

I look at her smile, "of course Eden! That's our spot."

"All right deal" I look at the time, 11:30AM, "All right sis, I have to head to the airport, see you soon!" I reach over to hang up, "wait! Remember mom and dad will pick you up later tonight so we can all go to dinner together."

"Okay, perfect! Bye Jacks, love you!"

"Bye Eids!" I hung up.

I start getting up and shutting the curtains. It might be a while until I'm back but I'd rather keep my room clean.

Ding Dong.

I head over to the front door that smells strongly of oak. Walking past the pictures I have hanging of Mom, Dad, Lucy, Jackie and I. I open the door and smile as I see the face of my amazing Manager, Lizzie. "Liz! Come to say goodbye to your favorite client." I giggled as she stepped in. "Excuse me! Not just my client, more like my favorite friend!" I hug her and drag her to my room.

"Oh gosh, look at all this baggage..." she exclaims standing in front of my suitcases. She reaches over and picks one up. "Alright Eden! Let's get moving and load these into the car, your driver is waiting."

I look over to her and smile, "You got it boss!" I salute. It was an easy load up and we wasted no time getting in the car. "Are you excited to see your family again?" Lizzie asked. "Yeah I'm a bit nervous though. I haven't seen them in a couple of months, I feel like I've missed out on a lot." It was hard being apart from them and not being able to see them as often as I used to.

Lizzie looks at me and smiles softly, her polished nails and her soft hands reach over to mine. She grabs them and turns to me. "E, you need this. You've been homesick for a while and I think this trip will help you with the new song." I lean my head back against the headrest and turn my face to look out of the window. "I know Liz." I turn back towards her. "Thank you for helping me today. It means a lot. I'll miss you lots."

She just smiles at me and I start feeling tired, car rides always seem to wear me out. I take one last look at the highway we're on and slowly close my eyes. I let sleep take over me and an oddly weird feeling at the pit of my stomach. I hear Liz whisper, "I'll wake you when we get there."

[avatqr]

Please Stay [zuko x reader]

-please enjoy this one shot I came up with in the middle of night:3

-some extra info you might want: You are apart a noble family in the fire nation, Your father is a Commanding officer and serving in the war

Things have been so great with Zuko for such a long time. Since his he has returned from his banishment and started talking to his father again things were looking up.

We spent all of our days together, running through the royal palace, trying the best restaurants in town, sitting down and having tea with his uncle. I have one specific memory though, I wasn't doing so well. I was running a high fever and throwing up nonstop. The smell did not leave my bathroom for weeks! Zuko stuck by me the entire time though. He made me soup, tea, fetched me water, held my hair the whole deal. I could never thank him enough for that. Things were going well for not just him but for us. I loved him so much and he loved me. That's how it always was. That's how it was always supposed be. But after a few months something changed. I don't know when I started to notice the changes. Zuko was suddenly distant, less excited. It was was almost like the fire in his eyes has went out. I spent countless nights awake in my bed worrying about what could be wrong. Was it me? Did I make him angry?

I was walking through the palace, I had finally heard my father was back from Ba Sing Se. I make my way down the dark flaming hallway. I saw Zuko walking a ways down, I ran up to him and just walked by him silently waiting for him to greet me like he normally does but this time I get no greeting. We walked in silence for awhile listening to the flames rumble and the way our steps sounded together. The silence was tearing me apart. I finally broke.

"Why haven't you said anything?" I whispered. The tension was choking me. A chain is around my neck, a whisper was all I could manage.

"Me and Azula talked last night, and I have been thinking about some things. And I.." Zuko stopped talking. He let out a heavy sigh and turned to walk the other way.

"What has been wrong with you this past couple of weeks?" The chains that have been suppressing me suddenly start falling off. "I have done nothing but been there for you before and after your banishment!" I exclaimed. He was still faced away from me, he looked calm and collected unaffected by my words. "Your just going to stand there and say nothing! I bent over backwards for you, proving my love fixing your reputation. Fixing your mistakes!" I screamed. He turned and faced me he no longer looked calm and collected. He looked frustrated and hurt.

"I never asked you to do that! I never asked for your help. I never wanted or needed your help." He exclaimed.

I felt hurt by his words. I felt the tears starting to well in my eyes, "Are you saying you don't even apricate my help?" He said nothing. All of the sudden I was angry again. "I hate you! Be a coward and run away for all I care. Without me your what? A traitor to the fire nation and a fugitive?"

"I don't know what you want me to say." He whispered. He walked off and I never saw him again until 2 weeks later.

I woke up to the sound of my door being opened. I jumped out of bed and opened the curtain to reveal who it was. It was Zuko.

"What are you doing here? You don't talk to me for two weeks now all the sudden your in my room in the middle of the night! Who do you you think you are?" I said sharply. He was wearing all black with a mask and hood. really does no good because you can still see him in the full moon. I look down and in his left hand is a scroll rolled perfectly wrapped in a red ribbon with a nicely knotted bow.

"I'm sorry..I have to do this." He set the scroll on the desk and ran out of the room. I ran out after him.

I chased him all over town. He was trying to escape me but I wouldn't let him. I didn't understand what was happening. Was he running away? I cried and yelled out for him. I just wanted to talk. And I didn't want to yell this time I didn't want to get angry. I never meant to hurt Zuko. I still love him so incredibly much. I don't understand why we won't except my help, why he keeps running away from me. I continue running after him until we reach the docks outside the city.

"Please just talk to me!" I pleaded

"You wouldn't understand. The avatar is alive. I don't want to be around when the news gets around."

"That's really what your worried about?"

He looks at me, his eyes start tearing up. "Do you know what my father would do to me? He already disowned me once. I have made so many mistakes, I am an embarrassment to him! To our family! To the royal name!" He yelled. I could hear the hurt and the fear in his voice. It made my heat feel heavy. I just wanted to give him a hug.

"I have to kill the avatar. For my honor." He looked at me with tears in eyes. But after hearing him say that all my empathy washed away with the roaring waves that were crashing against the dock. I hate it when Zuko talks about his honor. His destiny. It fills me with rage that he lets his family dictate his path.

"Your honor!?" I shouted. I started stomping toward him. "Shut up with this honor thing! This is not your destiny! You understand what killing the avatar would do to the world? Of course you don't understand! Your running away because your afraid! Not because you feel the need to restore you honor." I grabbed the collar of shirt and pulled him to me and looked at him. My face filled with frustration and disappointment.

"You know what maybe I am afraid! Maybe I'm afraid my father will burn me to death this time! I am always the fool! I am looked down upon every single day! I am a fraud. I am not the great prince I am destined to be." He started to sob.

"Your going to throw everything we had away because your afraid? I'm here for you always, always Zuko. Please let me help you. Please don't run away from me." I started to cry too. It breaks my heart hearing him cry.

"I'm not the man you need. You need someone strong and who can protect you. Your right. Last time we talked, I am a coward. I'm running away from my problems and I don't want to accept the help that's offered to me."

"Zuko.. your are more than enough for me. I can't imagine myself with anyone but you. It's like you were put on this earth for me. Please! You don't have to go through this alone. You don't have to go through anything alone! Just please don't leave me!" I clung onto him and sobbed hysterically like a child. But in that moment my heart was being torn right out my chest.

"I'm sorry.. I love you." He didn't look at me, nor did he hug me back. He gently pushed me off and started boarding a boat. I couldn't believe it. He just walked away. He said I love you but did he even mean it? He didn't even look at me.

"So that's it?! Your just going to leave? After everything we've been through? Zuko Please!" I cried out to him. I begged on my knees even and pleaded but none of my efforts were enough to make him stay. I watched him disappear into the night. The walk home was depressing. It was raining, my pajamas were soaking wet and the smell of wet concrete and metal filled the air. I made my way home in the dark following the line of street lamps that have been extinguished from the rain. When I got home I sat on the edge my bed staring at the neatly tied scrolled placed on the table. I pick it up. I read it.

"My dear love, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. But this is the only way I can find my own destiny. Everything you have taught me about life I will cherish forever. Our memories I will cherish forever. Don't think because I am leaving means I don't love you. Because I love you very dearly. You encouraged and inspired me in so many different ways. I will be back for you. Someday I won't need your help. I am tired of finding the strength to keep going here. I am tired of being ridiculed and silenced. I wouldn't have made it any longer staying here. Please try to understand. I want to be strong so I can help you. And be strong for you. I have thought of you every single day since I have met you and I will continue to think of you."

I cried for the rest of the night.

[badaleesbish]

Toxic ° 2 | Bada Lee x Reader

°SUMMARY:

" 𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌."

" 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚊 𝚍𝚊𝚖𝚗 𝚍𝚛𝚞𝚐, 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌."

~ 𝙺𝚎𝚑𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚒 - 𝚃𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌

°CW:

𝚝𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙, 𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚝, 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚘 𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊, 𝙳𝙸𝙳 𝙽𝙾𝚃 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙾𝙵 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳‼️ 𝚂𝙾𝚁𝚁𝚈 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚃𝙰𝙺𝙴𝚂‼️

"Where the fuck are you going?"

"Bada, don't start your shit with our child here."

Bada turns towards the small girl who is sitting on the floor playing with her dolls and bends down to her level.

"Baby girl, will you go to your room so Mommy and I can talk?"

"Okay, but hurry, I want to go see Aunt Tatter."

"Okay, sweet girl, it will be quick."

You and Bada watched as your daughter skipped off to her room, but once she was out of sight, Bada started her shit once again.

"So Imma ask you again. Where the fuck are you going?"

"Out."

"Dressed like that?"

You placed the finishing touches on your makeup and outfit of choice as Bada stood there waiting for a response to her question. You stood up from your vanity, gathering your belongings, and headed towards your bedroom door, but Bada stepped in your way, causing you to damn near run into her chest.

"Bada, please move. I don't want to fight."

"I don't want to fight either. I just don't want you to go out dressed like that."

"Bada, she'll be here soon. Just let me say bye to my baby."

As you tried to step around Bada to walk out of the room, Bada grabbed your arm, pulling you back towards her, bringing you close to her chest. The grip around your arm tightened as you tried to pull away from her.

"Bada.... let go of me. You're hurting me."

"Who is she?"

"My date, Bada."

Bada clenched her cheek, hearing those words come from your mouth. She didn't like it. It pissed her off. You are hers. No one else can have you and treat you the way she can.

"You're not going."

"Yes, I am. Now, let me go."

"No... you can't do this to me. Baby, please. I need you."

"NO, I'M NOT FALLING FOR YOUR SHIT ANYMORE, BADA LEE! NOW, LET! ME! GO!"

"Baby..."

As Bada began to speak, a small voice calling out stopped her, dropping your arm as she turned to see the face of her daughter appearing with tears streaming down her little face.

"Mama..."

"Oh, baby, don't cry."

"Why are you and Mommy being mean to each other?"

Your heart began to break as you watched your daughter cry her little eyes out. You walked over picking up your daughter as she cried into your neck. You looked Bada, shaking your head at her actions that caused this whole thing, her anger. Bada stood there with tears in her eyes as she was completely shocked at her own actions and that she made her daughter cry.

"Bada... I think it's time for you to leave."

"My love... I'm so..."

"Just stop, Bada. Leave. Now."

As Bada walked out of your bedroom towards the front door. She could hear your daughter calling out her. Bada gripped the door knob as tears fell from her eyes, leaning her body against the door. As much as she wanted to turn back and try to pick up all the broken pieces of the family picture that had been picked up and put back together over and over again, she couldn't at least not right now.

"MAMA... MAMA..."

Bada opened the front door of your apartment, slamming it behind her, causing the family picture on the wall to crash to the floor.

"I can't sit around and watch you love someone else. I feel like I'm in the way of what you really want."

"Aiki, where is this coming from? I've only been with you in the past month."

"Tell me the truth..."

"I am! I don't know what more you want, Aiki."

Aiki pulled two pregnancy tests from her pocket and shoved them into your face. Your eyes widened as the tests were pushed into your face. There was nothing for you to say. You made this bed, and now you have to lay in it.

"So you're pregnant. You've been sleeping with her."

"Aiki..."

"I am so sick of picking up the fucking pieces after that bitch shatters your heart over and over again."

"Aiki, I'm sorry."

"That's all you have to say... 'Sorry'. Like it's going to fix this shit."

"Baby, please. I was just lonely, and she came over... everything happened so fast."

"So what? You fuck her every time she shows up at your door."

"No..."

"You know what, I'm done. I'm not about to be your second option to a bitch that breaks you down any chance she fucking gets."

Aiki threw the test down and began to gather all her belongings around your apartment as you follow behind her.

"Aiki, this isn't fair."

"What's not fair? You're getting what you want, right?"

"No, because I want you. That moment meant nothing to me, and I regret it."

"I don't believe you. You're just going to go right back to her every time. Love, you can't have your cake and eat it too."

"Aiki, please don't do this to me."

"Goodbye, love."

Aiki placed a peck onto your forehead before walking towards the door, but you grabbed her arm to pull her back to you. Gripping onto her shirt as your tears soaked her shirt. As much as it pains her, Aiki removed your hands from her body and walked out the door as your sobs grew heavier.

You knew everything Aiki said was true. It's like Bada had this grip on you. Her poisonous fangs were sink into you more and more, and you need her poison to survive in a way. You can't love anyone else, have anyone. She is the one. The only one.

You sat on the couch of your quiet apartment, staring at the blank television in front of you as tears rolled down your cheeks. You couldn't even sob anymore only allow the tears to fall in silence. A light knock at your door knocked you from the silence trance like state you were in. You shuffled to your feet, slowly walking towards the door opened to see the face of the person that hurt you the most but you loved the most.

"Hey..."

"Hi..."

You stepped aside, allowing Bada to walk into your apartment. Without utter a single word, Bada wrapped her arms around your body, pulling you into her warm embrace as you began to break down in the arms of your ex lover. Bada placed light pecks on the top of your head as she tried to keep her cry silence.

"I'm so sorry, my love. So so so sorry."

As you sobbed her arms, you felt yourself growing angry. She is the reason you are this way. She is the reason why Aiki left. She is the reason you can't love. She is the reason you can't leave. She is the reason for everything.

You pushed Bada away causing her to stumble back a bit. You wanted to hurt like she hurt you, crush her heart like she crushed yours. Your fist pound against her chest as you looked her through the tears in your eyes.

"You did this to me."

"I can't have anyone because of you."

"And I hate you for that."

"I hate you, Bada Lee."

Every blow to Bada's chest made her stumble as you took your anger and rage out on her. Every word broke Bada's heart, the fact that she caused you this much pain and didn't stop. Just kept shattering your heart knowing that every time she left you, she took a piece of your heart with her.

"I hate you for making me love you so much, Bada Lee."

"Why couldn't you just love me, Bada Lee?"

"Why?"

As you lifted your fist to strike Bada once more, she grabbed you wrist stopping you before the impact. Bada brought your hands to her lips placing kisses along your knuckles as you try to pull away. Bada pulled you towards the couch and released your wrist, allowing you the sit down as she sat next to you with her head in her hands. She ran her hands over her face, wiping away her tears as she took a deep breath before speaking.

"I know that there is nothing that I can say that would fix this mess that I caused."

"I just want to know why. Why did you leave me? Why did you cheat on me? Why couldn't you love me as much as I loved you?"

"There's no excuse for the cheating or leaving you, but I have always loved you. Never stopped loving you."

"Well... what was that shit earlier today? You have never done something like that to me as long as we have been together. Honestly, it kinda scared me."

"I was so angry that there was someone else giving you the love and affection that I should have been giving you. Like someone was in my spot. I am so sorry for putting my hands on you, hurting you, and scaring you and our babygirl. I am so sorry."

You sat there listening as Bada's pleads her case, taking in this moment. This is something that was really needed. Some type of closure on your very toxic relationship with Bada. Even though you didn't get the reason behind the cheating, you were just glad that Bada was finally realizing that pain that she has caused the family the two of you created together.

"Again, I know there is nothing that I can say to fix this, but I need my family back. You keep me sane."

"We need you here with us, but how will I ever trust you again?"

"We can start over from the beginning of our relationship, and I'll keep my distance until you're ready to move forward."

"Okay, but I have something to tell you, and I hope it doesn't scare you off again."

You shifted uncomfortably on the couch, positioning your body to face Bada. You opened your mouth to speak but hesitated, glance fell into your lap as you began to fidget with your fingers. Bada gently placed her hand over yours, her thumb grazed over the palm of your hand. You glanced up to Bada as she gave you a warm smile.

"You can tell me, baby. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. Forever."

You placing your hand into Bada's, interlocking your hands with one another before taking a deep breath to speak.

"Well... I'm pregnant and it's yours. I haven't been with anyone else, sexually anyways."

A smile creeped onto Bada's lips as she leaned in, placing a kiss upon your lips.

"I guess I have three babies to take care of now."

"I guess so. I love you, Bada."

"I love you too, my love."

That's all you wanted to hear from Bada.

She LOVES you.

She meant it this time.

That's all Bada wanted.

Her family back.

She meant it this time.

A/N:

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝙸 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌 𝚜𝚘 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚐𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚜. 𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝙵𝚄𝙲𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚠. 𝙷𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚍! 💙

[romanarose]

If You Wanna be Wild: Chapter 7

Co-written with @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction my beloved Fen, who I could not do this without. Thank you for being my emotional sounding board, my dear friend, my wonderful cowriter and helpful beta reader. I adore you.

Javier Peña x Latina!sex worker!informant!Reader x Santiago Garcia

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Summary: Everything falls apart and evryone is alone.

Content and warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter unless something is added: Sex work, drug trade, some drug use/pressured used, sex workers and the mistreatment/stigma surrounding them specifically in the 70’s (my blog is sex worker positive) but ima put potential dub con depending how you look at it as a sex worker who works with dangerous men, some action surrounding reader and the guys and the drug trade, SMUT HEAVY, corruption kink (were corrupting santi here, he’s young, 25), no loss of virginity tho, threesomes, some slight m/m smut but that’s not the focus here, but as you know this blog is an lgbt blog so I’m always open to gay shit. Talk of war and some PTSD but I won't be going a whole lot into it. Covert/emotional incest in the past, Santi's mommy issues, m/m dynamics, internalized bi/homophobia

Reader speaks Spanish and has hair. I've decided Candy is just latina bc she's a sex worker in Colombia so this is what I'm doing. Reader also has curly hair and dark skin.

ADDITIONAL WARNINGS!:mentions of rape an violence, what happened to Helena, smut, repressed feelings, angst.

Almost everything was written by Fen <3

2.7k words

Support writers! Reblog and comment!

**************

There was no making up. There was no Javi bringing Santi food as an apology, there was no talking. 

When Santi walked into the office on Monday, he saw the fucking desks rearranged, Javier’s and Santi’s on other sides of the room instead of pushed face to face. Santi quickly rushed to the bathroom where he panic vomited and had an anxiety attack, resulting in him being 45 minutes late. Javi didn’t say anything about it.

Where Santi couldn’t eat, Javi couldn’t stop eating, munching down food and taking frequent trips to the vending machine. His doctor was going to kill him. Santi could barely function, even coming in late or leaving early which was a cardinal sin in his book. Still, none of it stopped him from seeing Candy. Occasionally Candy asked about him because all month Javi hadn’t been to see her either. Santi couldn’t get much answer either.

They worked, but mostly separately. Javi had even been trying to find somewhere else to work, but there weren’t exactly free rooms in the precinct. They talked occasionally but only about Lorea… making Santi desperately lonely. He had his family and he loved his tias, but they weren’t Javi. It was the day of the rally for the beatification of Laura Montoya, which forced them to be in close proximity as they dressed in plain clothes and scouted the area for any sign of the Lorea family. Not wanting to look too much like officers on alert, Santi tried making conversation, none of which was working with Javi, only getting few word answers. 

The boy was going to drive him absolutely batshit insane if he didn’t stop talking. It was bad enough he kept asking. ‘Should we get food’ or ‘it’s nice out today’, but his voice mixed with the crowds and noise and music and chatter or the rally, people shouting about whoever it was they were here for, politicians trying to stop them and constantly flashbacks of that night of the ball… Then Santi had to go and say 

“She misses you.”

“You mentioned her name one more fucking time and I’ll-”

“You’ll fucking what?” Santi snapped, his nerves had twisted, hardened suddenly by rage. 

His anger took Javi by surprise, he’d never heard him speak like that to anyone let alone him. 

Santi took his pause as indignation. “I mentioned Candy once. Once. And that’s only because you haven’t seen her, or called her or anything!” He hissed. “She’s worried about you actually, she-”

It was Javi’s turn to snap. 

He grabbed the younger man by the back of his collar and pulled him into a side alley, using his own momentum against him and slamming him up against the brick wall. 

Sant let out a little huff of air as his back collided, gritting his jaw as pain raced along his back. 

The action had been forceful, but not enough to cause discomfort for most people. However, a rough, uneven lump of mortar had poked oddly against the scar at the nape of his neck, sending a tingle down his back.

Javi rammed the heel of his hand into the wall next to Santi’s head, using his height to his full advantage as he leaned over him like he was interrogating a suspect instead of a colleague. A friend. 

Santi breathed hard, his frown pinching his eyebrows together, and Javi would say he even looked cute if he wasn’t so bloody annoying, so obsessed with getting under his skin. Unable to let anything go, constantly digging at him in his self-righteous attitude, just needing to push, and push, and push, and…

Cute. The thought caught him off guard. When had he started to think of Santiago as cute?

“What the fuck are you doing Peña?” He growled, puffing his chest out, but not pushing back. 

Javi shook his head slightly, trying to break his racing mind, trying to get back to reality. “Candy, look, you can’t just-”

“She’s an adult Javi, I can-”

“You’re going to get her killed!” His voice raised at the end, louder and more desperate than he had intended, with just the slightest waver. He hoped Santi didn’t hear it, but he probably did. Nothing got past him. “Do you understand?” Santi glared at him, the muscles in his jaw flexing. Those stupid large doe eyes looking painfully dark and enticing. “You’re flaunting her. Taking her to the ball and, and-”

Santi scoffed. “That’s none of your business, I asked her, I-”

“You’re gonna get her gutted and dumped on the side of the road!” Javier screamed, haunting flashbacks to Helena’s beaten and raped body, wrapping his coat around her and having to carry her out, not sure if she was dying or not. “You know how easy it would be for Lorea to do something? This isn’t even a put two and two together situation, Pope, it’s you waving a four right in his fucking face! And what do you think is gonna happen when he takes her, huh? When he beats her and rapes her an tortures her to get information on YOU!” 

Santi swallows, his face still hard, but that little bob of his Adam’s apple draws Javier’s eye, but he doesn't respond. Javier lowers his voice, fist still gripping Santi’s jacket.

“She’s not gonna give you up, she’s not gonna help them hurt you. She’s gonna end up dead. You’re gonna…” He closed his eyes for a moment, took a small breath. It was easier not to look at him, not to have to stare at his soft eyes and plump lips. “You’re gonna end up dead too, Pope. I can’t… I’ve seen it, okay?”  

Javier screwed up his face, opening his eyes so that he could look at Santi man to man. Implore him to see reason. 

“I’m not telling you to stop seeing her, I’m just saying.... I’ve seen shit happen to girls in her line of work. To officers like you that are still wet behind the ears to this kind of thing-” The second it was out of his mouth, he knew he’d made a mistake. 

“I’m not a fucking child, Peña.” Santi hissed, pressing forward and getting up in Javier’s face. “I know that’s what everyone at the station seems to think and all their little Virgin Maria mierda. I don’t care. I don’t give a fuck if all they see is that.” He pushes firmly on Javier’s chest, almost smacking as he punctuates his sentence. “But I thought you’d know better! I was black ops special agent, I spend years of my life in almost every goddamn continent doing retcon, assassinations, covert operations and rescuing women and children and getting SHOT! I’m not-”

“I’m not saying you’re a child-”

“You are! You are!” Santiago growls, smacking Javi’s chest repeatedly. He doesn’t care that he does sound like a child in that moment, arguing relentlessly on semantics. His emotions are bubbling over and muddying his head. “You’re saying that you know best. That your word is law. Despite all you do to endanger Candy!”

“I do n-”

“You do! You think you’re above it all, you’re just as bad, you pretend to care but you-”

“Shut your fucking mouth, Garcia!”

“Make me!”

He doesn’t think. 

There’s always times he doesn’t think. When he gets too lost in whatever emotion he’s letting overwhelm him. Sometimes rage. Sometimes guilt. Usually negative either way. That’s where Santi is a good partner, keeping a cool and level head while Javi plays bad cop.

Usually ends up with him throwing a punch, not a kiss. 

Santi knew ‘make me’ was childish. Knew it was playground nonsense reserved for kids still in single digits. But if everyone was going to keep calling him that, keep pretending that he wasn’t the only actual goddamned adult in the room then-

Then…

Javier’s lips on his steal his breath away, rob him of every thought that has ever run through his mind. And, for once, it’s blissfully quiet. The anxieties pushed away for the peace of a lover's kiss.

Javi presses closer, pushing Santiago further into the wall and cupping his face with his warm hand as he kisses him, body to body, warmth to warmth. Darting out his tongue to just trace Santi’s bottom lip and groans when he parts them immediately, no hesitation, and lets him lick into his mouth. 

The angle’s a little awkward, Javier’s body trapping Santi’s hand between their chests. But Santiago’s fingers curl into his shirt, pulling him closer as his kisses leave him breathless and desperate for more.

Javier’s leg bumps into his and Santi moves a step, moaning softly and then whining as his thigh presses against his half hard cock, a sharp spike of pleasure running up his spine and- 

His thoughts all come crashing down. What the fuck, what the fuck  was he doing? His mother’s voice rang in his head, screaming his name. 

He could get arrested for this, thrown in jail, worse. He was going to burn in hell.

Santi pulled back quickly, disentangling himself from Javier so quickly that both men nearly fell. He turned, not giving the older man a second look, and ran out of the alley into the crowded street. 

He didn’t even hear Javier call his name. 

*

“Are you okay, baby?” You asked, your naked body covering Santiago while giving him tender kisses, scooting yourself up and down his cock. You loved to tease him, get him whimpering and watch as all those troublesome thoughts left his pretty little head. He was too pretty to be so worried all the time.

He’d been stressed on and off about Javi, occasionally bringing it up, but you think he stopped when he realized it upset you. You were really good at pretending to care when old professors droned on and on about academic works or when men talked about themselves or complained about their wives and mothers again and again and again. You could’ve faked not being upset when Santi, but you didn’t fake anything with him. Javi’s absence hurt your feelings. You were worried about him, and you were angry at him for abandoning you and hurting Santi. For continuing to hurt his feelings. Bitch.

But honestly… you just miss him. A lot. It would take more than a poster to patch this, he’d have to make things right with Santi too, but you’d forgive him. You just wanted him back, and you wanted Santi happy again. He was already thin enough, and as your body slid up and down the sweaty length of him, you could feel he’d lost weight. 

Santi moaned loudly, gripping onto your hips as you bounced on his length, his eyes rolling back in his head as your heat engulfs him over and over. Pulling him deeper and deeper. 

The fat tip of his cock presses deliriously, perfectly rubbing over your walls with every slick slide. Stretching you so wonderfully like he was made for you. He was, he really, really was. Something was bothering him today, and he was finding solace in you. You were happy to give it to him. Pushing all other thoughts out of your head. 

He whines, babbling nonsensically with his eyes closed, “please, please, please,” He rocks up against you, letting his body override his brain as you fuck him into the mattress. “Please, gonna come, please, need you so much,” he gasps, almost sobbing from pleasure. 

You stroke his cheek and pick up your pace, even if he hasn’t said you could tell how close he was. The way his stomach muscles tense, how his eyes are screwed shut and head thrown back into the pillow, “it’s okay, it’s okay, you can come, give it all to me.”

He shakes his head rapidly, “no, please,” he moans, “need you, need mommy to come, please.” 

His whines change in pitch, the little sounds getting higher and higher as he reaches the point of no return. His mouth hangs open, his skin flushed and sweaty, and heat floods to your core. 

You brace yourself with your left hand on his leg behind you as you ride him, leaning back ever so slightly to change the angle just enough that he continuously hits perfectly inside, stretching you to your limit. 

Santi sobs, the position change sending a buzz up his spine, pressing on the thick length of his cock to a surprisingly maddening degree. His whole body pulsed, stealing the air from his lungs.

He bucks up once, his eyes fluttering open in surprise as he comes, his length pulsating. He empties himself deep inside you, his orgasm stretching onwards and overtaking every possible thought. 

You smile as you watch him, happy to see him so blissed out. You ride him throughout his high, trying to prolong his sensations as long as possible. He deserved it.

He sighs, shivering with aftershocks as he comes back to himself and looks up at you. You open your mouth to speak, the words on the tip of your tongue.

Santi grabs you by the hips, urging you up and off him and pulling your aching pussy onto his face. He lets out a small groan at the mess he made, his cum leaking out of your folds before he runs the tip of his tongue through them. 

You bite back a moan, grabbing onto his hair for stability as his mustache brushes against your clit.

His mouth feels like heaven as he lick and swirls around your clit, his movements soft but certain, quickly pushing you towards your peak.

Instinctively you buck your hips, grinding down on his mouth to chase your high. He rocks you against him, urging you tp move and fuck his eager tongue. 

“Santi…” you whine as you come hard against him, pulling fiercely on his hair. 

He continues licking, moaning against you as he drinks down every drop of your release. 

You breathe heavily, boneless for a moment before slowly moving away to lay down next to him. 

He pouts a little as you settle. “I wasn’t finished.” He smiles cheekily, your cum shining all over the bottom half of his face,

You giggle, and gently swat his arm and cuddle up next to him. Santi didn’t need instruction, scooting his back to your chest. In your arms, where he belonged. You loved being like this with him, but somehow it always felt like something was missing. You loved when Javi used to hold you, protecting you with a strong arm around your body, but again, you felt like something was missing, in your arms this time instead of around you.

You kiss the scar on his spine. “Good boy, Santito.”

It happened so fast. Santi teanses and you barely have a second to register how he turns to you, his eyes widen in panic, his skin turning ashen before he’s up, out of bed and pulling on his clothes so fast that it shouldn’t have been possible. What the fuck? Did you do something wrong?

“Santi?” you start, trying to keep your voice soft but unable to hide the fear that has overcome your words.Why is he leaving? What did you do wrong? Did you mess up things with Santi too, the one good thing left? You barely sit up before he’s shoving a handful of dollars at you, practically just throwing them in your direction and the bed. 

“Here.” His voice is quiet, distant. Like he’s not really there. A stark comparison to his panicked, edgy movements. He doesn’t even bother tying his shoes, simply shoving his feet inside them and stumbling towards the door.

“Wait, Sant-”

He slams the door on his way out. 

Leaving your bed cold, and you alone.

It was supposed to be sex, talking. Build a nice repour. That was it. You were good at it too, making old ugly men think you were infatuated, but yourself detached from even the most charming and attractive. Something happened with Javi and Santi, a line that became blurred, friendship and genuine attraction and care. Now they were gone. 

You hate yourself for how hard you cry.

***************

thank you so much to everyone whose stuck around while i sort my SHIT OUT (its never ending)

If you like me writing javi, i wrote a drable today too, and if you wanna see a totally insane version of santi, come to rooms on fire!

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I appriciate you all very very much, please let know your thoughts in the comment!!!

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[tearsonthemoons]

Out of the woods

Prompt: you’ve been in love with Coriolanus since you were just kids, when you end up finding him deep in the woods wounded, your feelings can finally be shared.

Pairing: Coriolanus snow x reader

Warnings: (none)

It was a cold winter day, I've decided to go for a walk in the woods. The snow was falling gently from the sky, creating a peaceful atmosphere, helping calm my remaining troubles.

As I walked deeper into the forest, I noticed a trail of blood on the ground, I'm not too surprised seeing that my whole district is fighting for their lives right now. War wasn't yet over.

Curiosity got the best of me, even though it was smart, I followed the trail, wondering where it could lead.

a few minutes of walking, I began to think of my father, there was enough blood to be concerned for my own family. the trail led me to a clearing where I saw a boy lying on the ground, surrounded by snow-covered trees.

My heart raced as I approached him, I realized who it was and my heart nearly leaped from my chest.

I've known him since we were just kids. We grew up in the same area, went to the same woods to play, and spent almost every day together in the same woods just being kids.

as we got older, my feelings towards him changed. I started to see him in a different light, noticing his soft smile, his charming wit, and his gentle touch. I fell in love with him without even realizing it. Without being able to change my feelings.

Corio, on the other hand, was completely oblivious to my feelings. He was always so focused on his dreams of becoming something greater that he never noticed my longing glances or my deep crimson cheeks.

I couldn't blame him, he had the talent and determination to make his dreams a reality, without me as a distration. I was always there to support him, cheering him on from the sidelines and celebrating his choices with him.

But as we entered our teenage years, things started to change. He fought and trained everyday, leaving me behind. I tried to keep up, but I just didn't follow him long enough.

It was during this time that I realized how much I truly loved Corio. I missed our childhood days, when it was just the two of us against the world. I missed our inside jokes, our late-night talks, and our adventures in the snow.

I didn't ever have the courage to tell him how I felt. I was afraid of ruining our friendship, of losing him altogether. So I buried my feelings deep inside and pretending to not be jealous of everything he did without me as we grow older.

Years went by and Snow never left my mind. even though we drifted apart, I never stopped loving him. Everything rushed back, every feeling, every touch, every thought i've ever had about him over took me. I ran closer to him.

"Corio?!" I said in panic noticing the deep gashes on his arms and legs. He was shivering and barely conscious.

Without hesitation, I knelt down beside him. 'Are you okay?' I asked, trying to get a better look at his injuries. He wasn't moving much, just a faint cough here and there. I felt tears go down my cheeks, I hadn't seen him in months, and even the last time i saw him, I didn't know him like I felt I did before, and all we said was goodbye.

Corios eyes fluttered open, Barely moving on the ground. he weakly nodded. "y/n?, Is that you?" he managed to say before closing his eyes again.

I quickly took off my jacket and wrapped it around him seeing there was blood from his head.

"Oh god, what's happened to you?" I said gently lifting his head up from the tree he was leaning onto. My thoughts began to become selfish, Holding his head brought me back to all the times i've got to hug him, all the times he's comforted me in our past. I hadn't lost my love.

All while I was thinking like this, I was trying to keep him warm.

I took my scarf and carefully wrapped it around his wounds, trying to stop the bleeding. I gently tended to his injuries, I couldn't help but notice how he looked. even in his injured state. His hair was a snowy white, and his eyes were the color of the sky on a clear winter day. Just how i remembered him.

Once I was finished wrapping him up, I sat back and looked at him. He was still shivering, He looked so fragile. I took his hand in mine and rubbed it gently, trying to warm him up. he opened his eyes again and looked at me with a slight smile.

"Where have you been? I was coming back for you." he said, his voice was barely above a whisper.

Coming back? for me? I wanted to hear more explaining from him, but I couldn't be selfish and ask, I needed to know what happened.

I looked back at him. "What happened Corio?"

He hesitated for a moment before answering. "Something in the snow came up behind me, I can't tell you what it was, or who"

I couldn't help but let out a small tear. "i've got you covered up, Are you still cold?"

He very weakly sat up. His eyes were on mine, He has grown up, He looked older, more handsome since the last I saw him.

We sat in silence for a while Before his blood covered hand reached for my face, His hands were cold, and my heart was speeding up just by his slight touch.

I knew I had to get Snow to a hospital. But I wanted to stay with him this moment, I'd been waiting for what felt like 15 years. "Your hands are cold, Corio." It was all I could spit out. All I could think off.

"I'll warm you." He said while scooting his face closer to mine. I didn't understand why this was happening, but I didn't have enough care to ask. "May I?" he said, his soft pink lips are only inches away from me.

"but why?" I said trying to keep my eyes looking into his, instead of his lips.

Before I got any answer, his soft lips gently pecked mine. They were colder than his hands, but the warmth and comfort of his touch got me, it was all I ever wanted.

When we pulled away, I looked into his eyes, no words to share between us. He went back in, this time with more passion then before, not only could I feel his cold lips, But I could taste him, He tasted as he smelled, whiskey and comfort. The taste and feeling of him was exactly what I knew it would be, and I finally had him.

once I pulled away, He slowly removed his hand from my face and just stared at me with his piercing eyes. "Corio?" I said, trying to make sense of what's just happened.

"I came back for you." was all he said, with those words I knew, I wasn't alone in my love, he had come back for me, I was complete with him, He was finally mine.

[inmyicyworld]

Sandcastles

CEO Husband Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky is always working overtime, but when his best girls really need him, he leaves everything behind just to make you happy.

Words count: 1.6k

Warnings: fluff, dad and husband Bucky, like one curse word.

Author’s note: just a cute little drabble. obviously, Sebastian’s pictures from Paris inspired me, so enjoy <3

masterlist my ao3 ko-fi

Bucky Barnes was a busy man. Running a multi-million-dollar company wasn’t the easiest thing, but something that he cared more about than this job was his family. His beautiful wife and daughter.

You always loved and appreciated the attention, support, and endless love that your husband gave, even when you just started dating eight years ago. As soon as you met, it took some time for both of you to finally admit your feelings, but when you got together, it was perfect. You’ve never felt that way in your life before. When you were younger, everyone told you that you wouldn’t be able to find a person because of your high standards, but when you started dating James Buchanan Barnes, you knew that it was forever.

A beautiful, respectful, and caring man who would do anything for you.

For the past two months, he has been more distant. His company was getting bigger; he had too many meetings, and too many new things required his whole attention. You understood it; of course you did. But you would be lying if you said that you didn’t miss him. Your daughter felt it too. She was totally daddy’s girl, so being away from him for too long upset her, even though she was trying to be tough and careless, just like her dad when he was working.

You talked to her about her dad’s work, and she was a smart girl for a 3-year-old. She understood that he has a lot to do right now and that he still loves her more than anything in this world.

Today he returned home only after 2 am., you heard that he went to take a shower in a different room, probably not to wake you up. But you were too eager to spend as much time with him as possible, even if it was when he was falling asleep.

Bucky came into the room quietly. As soon as he got under the blanket, his warm and strong arms wrapped around you. He pulled you closer to him, burying his nose into your neck.

"I’m sorry, doll. Again." He took a deep breath, enjoying your scent, which he missed so much. "I love you."

"That’s okay, baby." You moved even closer to him, burying your fingers into his wet hair, and left a kiss on his temple. "I love you too. Now take some rest."

You hadn't even started to fall asleep when you heard a weird noise outside your bedroom, and then the door slightly opened.

"Daddy? Mommy?" A little voice came through the silence of the room. "Are you asleep?" Your daughter suddenly sobbed, and you and Bucky immediately sat on the bed, reaching for the nightstand lamps.

"Hey, angel, what happened? Come here." Bucky’s voice was very soft and gentle, as always when he talked to your daughter. She came closer to the bed, and Bucky picked her up, putting her on his lap. She was tightly holding her favorite white wolf, which you gifted Bucky as a joke because of his nickname at work. Your daughter's eyes were a little bit red, her hair messy, and her cheeks wet with tears. You moved closer to them, gently rubbing her face.

"What’s going on? You saw a bad dream?" You quietly asked, but she just shook her head.

"I— I—" She was obviously too upset to put her words together, so Bucky started to rub her back, whispering a quiet "sh-h".

"I— miss you, daddy." As soon as these words left her mouth, you and Bucky froze, and she started crying even harder. "I don’t s-see you, and me and mom—mommy are always alone."

Bucky looked you in the eyes, and you saw that his own were full of tears. The last thing he wanted to do was upset either of you. He felt that his heart was ripping apart. You made your daughter cry, you idiot. Your wife deserves better.

You just put your hand on his shoulder and squeezed, already knowing where his mind went. He always wanted to give his family everything, and the fact that he put work above his two favorite people in the world made him sick.

"Angel, hey, baby, look at me." Bucky turned back to your daughter, grabbing her little face with his hands and gently wiping away her tears. "I promise that the day after tomorrow we will go somewhere. Only mommy, you, and me, okay?"

"But—but you’re working."

"I know, angel. But I didn't want to make you feel lonely or to stay away for too long from your mom." He grabbed your hand and brought it to his mouth to leave a kiss. "We will go wherever you want to. Maybe stay there for the week. You would like that?" He smiled at your daughter, and she happily giggled, wrapping herself around Bucky’s neck. "I love you. Both of you. You two are my whole life, and I'll do anything to make you happy."

You softly smiled at him, leaning in to leave a quick kiss on his lips.

Your daughter put away her white wolf and opened her other arm, wanting you to join her and Bucky in a hug.

That night she stayed in your bed because she almost passed out in Bucky’s arms but still held onto you both too tightly. The three of you happily curled under the blanket, with your daughter in between. Bucky knew that it was time for him to finally make the right decision. To choose his family.

As Bucky promised, one day later your little family was on a vacation where no one could disturb you. He left Steve, Sam, and Natasha, his closest and oldest friends, in charge of everything, canceled all the meetings, and took you and your daughter on the private jet that brought you here. One of the most beautiful places you’ve ever been

It was quiet. No strangers, no annoying noise, no worries. Just the three of you on the beach with a perfect little house and warm, crystal-clear water

You were wearing a light flowy dress, and Bucky, finally free from those annoying suits, chose trousers with a white tank top and shirt on top of it. 

You two were sitting under the sunset on a blanket with food and a bottle of wine, while your daughter was playing near the water with sand. It was such an amazing evening; just everything was perfect, and as you were watching your smiling husband, you felt that you had fallen in love once again.

"You keep staring at me, doll, You ‘kay?" He finally turned his face to you, and you couldn't hold your wide smile, which he immediately returned.

"I’m okay. It’s just… everything is perfect here—the beach, the house, you two here." You covered your eyes with your hand because of the setting sun. "You know, you’ve been here for a couple of hours, but you look much better. Your skin is glowing, you’re happy, and, god, that hair bun looks really hot." Bucky’s smile grew wilder because of your words.

He grabbed you in bridal style and set you across his lap, wrapping his hands around your waist. You slightly screamed, not being ready for such movements, but then happily melted into your husband's touch.

"So you think that I look hot?" A cheesy grin crossed his face, and you playfully rolled your eyes.

"Do you think I would’ve married you if I thought otherwise, James?" You arched an eyebrow at him. Your hands found the perfect place under Bucky’s blue shirt by themselves. God, it's been too long since you spent good time together alone.

"What do you think about the idea that when we get home, we send our daughter to visit her amazing grandparents, so we could be completely alone for a couple of days?" He said it as if he was reading your mind, so you just silently nodded. "Doll, you’re too beautiful for this damn world; I can’t even understand how I was able to be far away from you for that long. I missed you so much, baby." Bucky’s hands slipped lower on your hips, while his lips were leaving sweet kisses on the side of your neck.

"Not here, Buck; we’re not alone, remember?" You nodded back at your daughter, who was honestly more interested in building sandcastles.

"Of course. Just wanted to say that I’m so sorry for my absence. I got so involved in work that I didn’t even notice that you too were hurt. I’ve never wanted to do that. I’m sorry. And I love you. So fucking much." Bucky connected your foreheads and put his right hand on your cheek.

"Don’t be sorry. I know that you want better for us and that you want to do everything right. It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes. You know, you are such a great dad because your daughter’s tears made you leave everything and spend time with us. And I’m forever thankful for this." You smiled, holding his stubbled face in your hands. "I love you, James."

You two connected with a kiss. It wasn’t too rough or desperate. It was just pure love and adoration for one another. Bucky was slowly moving his lips, feeling the need for your taste, your smell, and your touch. Your little bubble didn’t last too long, though, not after your daughter finally wanted your attention.

"Mommy! Daddy!" You pulled away from the kiss, looking back at your daughter, who was now all in the sand. "Do you want to help me build a castle?"

You looked at Bucky, who had the same smile on his face.

"Of course, angel. What do you need from us?"

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for telling my brother that he has to break up with his gf of 3 years

⛸️✈️ (so i can recognize this ask)

tw for obsessive behavior and slight mention of incest (nothing about actual incest just creepy shit that my brothers gf did itll make more sense if you read it)

it sounds bad i know but hear me out

my brother (28M) has been dating this girl (30F) who we will call Kate for about 3 years but recently i (16X) told him to break up with her.

my brother and i have been very close since i was little and he practically raised me. ive seen him try to find love before but never successfully so when he told me he was dating a girl online i was really happy for him. i had my doubts but i just kept it to myself because he was happy and thats all that really matters to me. they had visited before, and when i met kate she was super nice and i really enjoyed hanging out with her too. and then about a year ago they decided to move in together. however kate didnt want to move away from her family so my brother moved across the country to live with her. at this point she was 29, didnt have her drivers license, lived with her mom and worked at walmart. they had agreed that if my brother moved out there kate would get her license, they would find an apartment, and she would try and get a better job. so my brother moved out there to be with her. back then i had hoped they would break up because i didnt want him to move but again i didnt say anything because i just wanted him to be happy. a year later kate has not followed through with any of the things they agreed on. so for the past year my brother has been living with kate, her mom, her moms bf and occasionally her grandparents. kates family is all unemployed (her mom was fired her moms bf is a slacker and her grandparents retired) do the only 2 providing for the whole family are kate and my brother. as i mentioned before kate works at walmart so she doesnt make enough money. so all the financial responsibility falls to my brother who has a well paying job. about a month ago in december my brother called our mom and asked for relationship advice. eventually he said that he wasnt happy in the relationship and decided to have a talk with kate about how she hasnt done anything she promised. she got really emotional but then agreed to start working on things but that didnt last very long, she was back to her old routine in 2 days. after i heard that he was unhappy it all started to click, he never looked happy in any pictures after he moved. but when he came to visit recently i saw him actually happy and smiling. he ended up having a talk with our mom where he just spilled everything. he said that he didnt want to move in the first place but he felt like he had to for kate. after this kate started trying to keep me away from my brother. it was at this point when i told him to break up with her and move back home. the next day he went back across the country and called our mom when he got back. he had said that kate started copying all the things i do but making it kinda sexual. kate had starting being obsessive, checking his phone, not wanting him to talk to friends and family, constantly checking his location and more crazy shit. my mom and i talked about how we were going to try and help my brother because at this point it was getting out of hand and we realized that kate sees me as competition and is trying to keep me away from my brother so he wont want to move back here. i told him that he needs to break up with her and move back here for his sanity and mental health so aita for that?

tldr: kate sees me as competition for her romantic relationship with my brother so she started copying things i do but sexy even though i am a minor and her bfs little sibling so i told him to break up with her and move back home

What are these acronyms?

[the-dawn-star]

TW: angst. Imagine a scenario where yandere Elijah falls in love with the reader whom is sweet and caring toward him, but gradually he noticed something is off with her, and caught her trying to steal the White oak dagger. Then she confessed her initial intention to get close to him is for the dagger: his brother Klaus killed her parents when she was young and she swore revenge ever since and white oak dagger is the only thing that can killed him, so she tricked Elijah to get what she wanted, during the time to gain Elijah’s trust she genuinely began to fall for him and she begged him to stay out of her revenge to kill Klaus. How would yandere Elijah react and do in this situation? Can be either headcanon or oneshot, whatever you feel more comfortable writing. Thanks a lot.

A/N: This is a really cool idea and I kind of took some elements from it, that fit the style of my writing better. Thanks so much about the request!!

-S

+600ish words (this somehow became a massive one).

TW/CW: Reader plans Klaus's murder, faking a relationship at first, Elijah kidnapping Reader at the end, angst, Klaus murdering Reader's family off screen. Tell me if there is anything that I missed!

Your plan was simple, kill the man who destroyed your family. The man who ruined your life.  

But you needed to get close to him and what is the best way to do that. Get close to their family.  

Elijah and you started to date pretty quickly after you first met and maybe in another world you would start to date him just because of him being who he is.  

But you had your plans, and nothing could go past it. Even if you have grown fonder of him by the day.  

It took months upon months until you got even close to your revenge. 

You got the stake that could kill him, the man who ruined everything. It wasn’t easy, the family protected the stake like it was Pandora's box.  

You hated that you had to use Elijah. You truly cared for him and hated the fact that this would destroy everything that you two had built.  

But you weren’t ready to let go just now. You needed to have the right moment to execute your plan and stay alive afterwards.  

~~~ 

You laid on your bed in your apartment mindlessly scrolling through your phone when you heard Elijah enter the room. He had started to spend nights in your home which made you a bit anxious, after all your home was full of evidence which could reveal your plan to him.  

Elijah cleared his throat, making you look at him. Elijah was beautiful and kind but at this moment his eyes were dark. 

Your smile fell from your lips, and you sat up. “Is something wrong?”.  

What you didn’t expect was Elijah pulling the white oak stake behind his back, eyes fully focused on you.  

“I will give you a chance to explain yourself.”  

You tried, you really tried not to cry. It had been so easy to think that you wouldn’t hurt Elijah by killing his own brother. You had convinced yourself that you could somehow move past your plan.  

You begged Elijah to understand your point of view. That his brother had killed your whole family. Killing him would save hundreds of other people. It would be for the greater good.  

Elijah stayed quiet and calm the whole time, but you could see the pain in his eyes, the betrayal.  

At some point you fell asleep probably from exhaustion of crying and begging Elijah, the man that you had grown to love to not intervene with your plan.  

You woke up tired and just as upset as you had been the night before. But you weren’t in your room anymore, in fact you weren’t even in your apartment. 

“You are finally awake.” Elijah’s voice was just as gentle as you had gotten used to.  

You looked around the room that seemed to be a cold room with stone walls and a matter that you had been sleeping on.  

“Don’t worry about staying here for too long. This is a temporary plan, just to make sure that you don’t get any more of these idiotic ideas anymore.”  

“What do you mean?” You whispered, holding back the tears.  

“I know that I love you and that you love me too. So, I refuse to let you go just because of these ideas, plans of hurting my family..., hurting our family...”  

Elijah sat next to you, pressing his warm palm on your cheek, sweeping the fallen tears off.  

“We will get through this, all relationships go through hard times, but it’s good that we are making sure to get over this the best way possible.”  

You couldn’t do anything but stare. It didn’t make any sense. You were planning to kill his brother. And now he was talking about it like this was a normal relationship fight.  

“We will be able to grow from this together. And I want you to remember that no matter what, I will always love you and never let you go.”

[crystlizabeth]

WE NEED A PART 2 AMD 3 OF WHAT HAPPENS IN MEXICO

Kyle and Soap fight it out ft the gang

Soap actually shows up to thanksgiving and the Garrick's love him and ask him to stay for the night the whole hospitality thing (she and soap fuck in her childhood bedroom)

AHHHHHHH so cute

Happy Family ‧₊˚.

Johnny ‘Soap’ McTavish x Garrick!blkfem!reader

Summary: After the events in Mexico, Johnny finds himself going against is friends wishes to talk to his little sister and finds himself attending thanksgiving with the Garrick’s..

Warnings: cursing, smut, little age gap 6ish years apart, chaotic family stuff, Kyle hating on Johnny and his sister(sibling love!!)

A/n: So I figured out Thanksgiving is not celebrated in the UK makes sense, so I'm making the Garrick family British American(Kyle and the reader's dad is American) the accent just lingers. Didn’t really think about it but reader also studies abroad. 

“Are you fucking kidding me!” Kyle yelled pushing Johnny back him hitting the wall.

“What are you on? I didn’t know she was your sister yeah?” Johnny scoffed.

Kyle had been at Johnny’s throat since he had gotten back from dropping his sister off at the hotel she was staying at, price had made an attempt to pull Kyle off of him but he was only pushed away.

“You're a piece of Shit John don't fucking touch my sister, alright. She's not just of of your hookups don't even think about going near her.” Kyle spoke his finger pressed on Johnny’s chest.

“Watch yer fuckin’ mouth,” Johnny warned glaring at Gaz.

“What because I'm saying the truth? You're a bastard that ruins things he touches, you are a piece of shit, John. Stay the fuck away-”

Before Kyle could finish Johnny had punched Kyle falling back, instead of sitting there Kyle came right back at him. Ghost went to step in but Price held his hand up.

“Wait. Let them get at it for a minute.” price said.

They let them beat on each other then blood started to spill ghost grabbed Johnny and Price pulling Kyle off of him.

“Listen ya son of a bitch,” Kyle started.

“Alright Kyle keep it down.” price said pulling him away from Johnny.

That was the last time Kyle and Johnny had an actual conversation.

Johnny even talked to her out of spite at first but eventually actually started to like her, started to love her. Maybe too soon to tell but he was head over heels for her. Now for the past months, Johnny had been spending his time with her.

God, he felt as if he knew everything about her, how to touch her those soft sweet gasps that escaped from her lips as he touched her. This didn't make him a good friend that's for sure dating Kyles's little sister and he knew it.

Now he sat on the couch of his apartment watching as she was talking on the phone he didn't know who but he listened to her chat. Her back faced him, and not having any pants on the shirt she wore was his ‘Mctavish’ in dark lettering, he tilted his head to get a look at her ass that hung out at the bottom of the shirt. Green looked good on her dark complexion, but she would look even better bent over that countertop.

Soap pushed himself of the couch just as she was hanging up the phone. Johnny let his arms wrap around her waist his face pushing her curls aside his check touching hers. He felt her back in to him a bit “who was that bonnie?” he asked.

“My mum..” she hummed her hands coming up grabbing his biceps he nails lightly digging into them.

“Yeah, what she callin’ fo’..”

“School, checking on me.. She wants me to bring you to thanksgiving..” she spoke.

“American Holiday?” Johnny questioned.

“My dad’s American though me and Kyle grew up here my parents moved back to America after we both graduated being closer with family ya know.” She answered turning her body leaning back on the counter.

Johnny nodded “That means I have to meet your family and see.”

“Kyle, yeah he’ll just have to deal with it.” She smiled her hands coming ups to Johnny’s face her fingers running across his stubble.

“I reckon he will..” Johnny chuckled his lips meeting her two tones ones the taste of her Shea butter chapstick lingered on his lips.

Yeah needless to say when Kyle watched you and Johnny walk through the door his smile faded being replaced with a glare. The silence between her and her brother went unnoticed by their family. For a short while anyway.

Johnny got to meet everyone mostly everyone, pretty much all of her fathers side and few of her mother's. Kyle practically ignored Johnny’s existence, until asked about him.

“He was alright before he got in my sisters pants.” The comment earning a smack from your mother.

He got along well with her father as they talked to her dad he for sure scared the hell out of him. He was a big guy reminded him of Simon a bit taller, tattoos covered his dark-toned arms. He was scary that’s for sure but all around a sweet guy once you got to know him, her father made sure to let Johnny know if her broke his daughter’s heart he’d be dealt with. And her mother was a sweetheart tall herself maybe 5’8 her curls pulled back in a claw clip grays could be seen from her roots. They continued the conversation her uncles and mother joining in only to be interrupted by Kyle bickering with his sister.

“I will beat the shit out of you Kyle- leave him alone,” she spoke glaring at your brother.

“Please he needed to be beat in yeah?” Kyle spoke.

“You bullying my boyfriend is not breaking him in to the family.” She scoffed.

Johnny looked over his eyes coming back to her mothers only for her to shake her head saying let them at it for a second it gets interesting. And it did the two siblings going at it, her comments destroying each other until he went silent and started to walk away.

“Yeah walk away, nothin to say huh- bitch.” She scoffed Kyle turning around flipping her off before going down the hall.

“Gagged” Her aunt said moving her Bob behind her ear laughing.

She groaned “someone had to—he need to get laid so he can HOP OF MY BOYFRIEND.” She yelled the last part down the hall making sure her brother heard.

The Garricks were something else but it was enjoyable similar to Johnny’s family but a bit more chaotic. They love Johnny your aunties making his plate befor you could making sure he was fed and fed well. Table conversation went around school and other drama, your family had a colorful use of language that’s for sure.

“Ya know, Johnny baby. Have you seen her room yet?” Her mother asked.

She shook her head “no he has not. And he won’t.”

“Aren’t you staying with us?” Her father asked.

“Didn’t plan on it we have a hotel we can check into after we leave.” She spoke.

“Yeah no, I’ll show you where to take bags Johnny.” Her father spoke smiling at Johnny his melanin cheeks puffing up as he smiled.

He nodded looking over at her, his hand gripping her thigh teasingly. “What Bonnie? What’s yer room look like lass?” He asked his tone cheeky.

“It’s embarrassing because I went in it earlier I know my mother went in it and pulled some things out.”

“Yeah all of her stuff animals.” Kyle laughed.

She let out a groan, “How many we talkin?”

“To many it’s a problem.” She admitted.

Johnny only laughed light-heartedly patting his girlfriend's thigh before letting it come back up to the table to eat.

As conversation went on Johnny felt her hand go down to his thigh, her nails dragging on the inside of his thigh. He gave he a grin displayed on her glossy lips as he felt her hand go up higher her finger gliding against his clothed cock.

He shutters lightly his left hand grabbing her wrist. “What's wrong?” She asked innocently her brows frowned.

“Nothing…” he spoke his tone warning her.

She tilted her head her tight curls moving down to the side. Her long lashes batting at him as her dark eyes met his light ones. She leaned in her breath hitting his ear as she whispered “Let’s take it to the bathroom yeah?”

He moved away from her glaring at her but a smile on his lips. She was filthy.

“Are you planning on staying with her I would expect so.” Her mom spoke catching Johnny's attention.

“Yeah-”

“No.”

Kyle spoke over Johnny.

Their mother shot a glare at Kyle, him saying sorry quietly but his gaze stabbed Johnny in the side of the head.

Soon dinner ended everyone starting to pick up, Johnny helping his girlfriend with the dishes the two talking. Kyle watched and he hated it, he didn’t hate that his sister was dating someone it was the fact to who she was dating. He hated that fact the he took such good care of her too, “you keep staring at them your sister will give ya shit love.” His mother said her head resting on the arm as she watched them as well.

Johnny flicked water into her face earning a heartfelt laugh as well as a smack to his arm. “You realized he's 26 right mum?” Kyle said.

“Could be worse,” she laughed lightly squeezing his arm. Kyle only shook his head groaning.

It had finally gotten late everyone leaving leaving the five of them, Johnny hand brought their bags in.

“Okay you can't judge me alright,” she spoke standing in front of her door not letting johnny in yet.

“ ‘mon lass ain't gonna judge you.” he chuckled lightly at the girl.

She pressed her dark lips together nodding before opening the door. The room was dimly lit with Christmas lights, her walls covered in posters big and small, and her bed covered with stuffed animals. One thing he could tell it was very pink. His lips curved into a smile seeing the childish room, his head turned to hers, her hands covered the bottom half of her face.

“When did ya move out?” he spoke putting the bags down.

“A year ago..” she muttered.

Johnny moved to stand in front of her his calloused hand touching her face and lifting her chin up “What's wrong Lassie? It's very you n I love it.” he smiled his lips meeting hers.

“But I do have to say, that stunt you pulled at dinner,” he spoke his one hand grabbing her face.

Her lips pulled up into a grin “I don't know whatcha mean Johnny.” she hummed her hands trailing up his chest.

He pushed the door closed as he pushed her against it her hand moving to lock it. “You know exactly what I mean..”

She shook her head “You might have to remind me, baby..”

He hummed his hand reaching to the back of her head and grabbing a hand of hair pulling her head back a soft moan escaping her lips. His hand grazed over his belt before letting her fingers slide down his clothed cock.

He bent down kissing her neck right in the area that made her squirm, his free hand sliding up the bottom of her shirt pulling her tit out of her bra. Johnny let his thumb run over her hard nip meeting the warm metal of her piercing. Something about him playing with her nubs got her worked up so quickly, his knee lifting up and pressing against her core the dress she wore bunching up. Coming up to kiss her lips it became messy quickly her pawing at his shirt and pulling him closer as she ground herself on his thigh.

“Please Johnny..” she whimpered.

“Yeah bonnie? How bad ya want me eh?” he spoke hitting her bottom lip.

So she did, the begging leaving her pretty lips as he kissed her pressing his thigh harder to her core as she rubbed herself against him. Her whiney tone made him harder as he held himself back just wanting to know how desperate she was.

“Fuck- please Johnny, stuff me. Stuff me full,” she pleaded.

That was his tipping point grabbing her and lifting her up the feeling of her legs wrapping around him as they both fell onto the bed. Johnny lifted himself up unbuttoning his dress shirt, throwing it to the side the pulling of his undershirt quickly. He went back to her his hands grabbed the hem of her dress sliding it up and pulling it off her in one motion. Her bra was discarded earlier the both were topless.

Johnny leaned down his skin touching hers, the skin-to-skin practically making him moan. Her hands placed on his shoulders her nails digging into them as the made out his groin grinding against her.

“Yer so fouking wet f’er me love.” he groaned his fingers touching the outside of her soaked panties.

“It's all for you,” she whispered the feeling of him pushing her panties to the side feeling her wet folds.

He discarded his boxers, soon letting his finger lop around the sides of her panties pulling them of and watching her stick arousal make a string.

He laughed loudly “Yeah~ love ya want me that bad.” he spoke looking down at her seeing her nod.

“Open up f’er me.” he said tapping her thighs soon placing himself in between her.

He slid his cock against her folds his meaty tip soon sinking into her, he hand quickly slapping over her mouth keeping her quiet.

She pulsed around him as he sat there slowly working himself into her. “F’ckin made for me.” he whimper.

Sitting up he picked her hips up putting her in an arch his thrust becoming faster. She looked good like this his cock going in and out of her needy cunt, it drooling all over him. “Yes— oh fuck..” she cried out johnnys harsh thrust not changing pace.

Changing position his arms cuffed under hers cradling her head her legs thrown over his broad shoulders. “Common— atta girl fockin’ take it.” he groaned his head falling into her shoulder as he pumped in and out of her at a brutal pace.

“Johnny—” she cried out her nails dragging down his back as if she's trying to hold on.

She could feel every inch of him his balls slapping against her. Continuing to keep herself quiet as he fucked her relentlessly, she began to babble to Johnny telling him how good he made her feel. Soon Her walls squeeze around him “Ya good cum f’me, lass, common baby cum for me.” he encourage, feeling his balls get tight.

“I want you to cum in me..” she begged her words slurred.

Leaning up a bit enough to see her face he saw tears in the corner of her dark eyes, “want me to fill your cunt up, Lassie? You want my thick nut huh?” his words filthy his hand grabbing her throat applying pressure.

“Yes- God yes please fill me up with your nun!” she cried.

She was asking so nicely and with that pretty face how could he say no?

With a few more thrusts his balls drained into her, her body becoming slightly stiff as a shaky moan escaped her mouth as she came on his cock him pushing on her stomach as she did. Johnny lifted himself now slowly pumping in her his cum spilling out he watched with a pleased grin.

Pulling out he watched the cum leak out of her puffy cunt. “Steemin’ Jesus Bonnie, you look so good with my cum dripping out that beautiful cunt.” he spoke leaning down kissing her his hand slaponv her cunt.

“Hey!-”

He let out a cheeky laugh. “Johnny that hurt” she whined.

After cleaning himself up and making sure she peed he came back into the room with a warm wet rag letting in drag down her cunt cleaning it up, them her legs his lips leaving soft kisses on her back as he took care of her fragile body.

“You take such good care of me baby,” she mumbled.

“Oh love this is my job, especially after making a mess of you,” he spoke gently his hands needing at her thighs and kissing them as he did so.

He loved this part maybe not as much as bullying the shot out of her pussy. But he loved taking care of her after whipping her down and massaging her sore body.

“Tierd lass?” he asked.

“Mmhm..”

He hummed going over to her bag and grabbing a pair of panties and one of his shirts “sit of f’r me.” he whispered.

He sat behind her moving her legs up and putting her underwear on then pulling the t-shirt over her head. “Wanna wrap your hair?” he spoke lifting up her bonnet.

She nodded handing him a scrunchie, he gathered her hair up looping the scrunchie around her hair once then placed the bonnet on her head “There we go love..” he kissed the side of her face.

“Thank you, baby,” she said moving the side so she could lay next to him her head falling onto his chest once he did lay down.

The two soon one fell asleep maybe not as aware of how loud the were Kyle who was across the hall heard more than he would have liked his headphones saving him.

Heres this! As promised! I hope you like it and happy almost Thanksgiving!!

[llannasvsp]

"a place to stay" preview

I don't want to wait 24 hours for the poll to end so here is the preview of my current WIP "A Place to Stay". This is about a month after Seabound ends when Lloyd makes the decision to leave the monastery and his old life behind.

...

Lloyd shuddered as he walked down the mountain. A million thoughts taunted him. You have nothing. You are nothing. You did this. You let her down. She’s gone because of you. Nothing he did could shut them out. Everyone leaving made them worse. 

It wasn’t fair. Not for Nya. She had given up so much. Everything. She had given up herself for them. There had to have been another way. If only she had given him a few more moments to think. He had let her down. Now she was gone. She made the choice, but it was because he had failed as a leader. He had let Kalmaar get that far. It would have all been different if he had checked the amulet, or attacked Kalmaar at the island.

Maybe he should have gone for blood.

He reeled back at the thought. His hand gripped the side of the mountain, stabilizing himself from the horrible thought. It wasn’t the first time Lloyd had thought about taking a life, but this time he actually wished he had done it. Even after regaining his balance, he let the thought linger. Before, he would have blocked it out, reminded himself that he was good. He was always good. He had to be good.

No, he wanted Kalmaar to burn. If he wasn’t already dead he’d find him right now and beat him into nothingness. That’s what Kalmaar had done to Nya. His actions lead to her sacrifice. It wasn’t fair.

It was only a few steps more down the mountain. He could’ve taken a mech, but what was the point when all it would do is attract attention? Nya had given herself to the sea only a month ago. Possession? Fine. Let the people swarm him. Getting his heart mutilated and shattered by the one he cared so much about? He could handle that. Being relentlessly beaten and thrown through a wall by the man he once called his father? Sure. 

Losing his sister? He would break. He had broken. 

His whole life was falling apart faster than he could repair it. He looked back up the mountain; the monastery couldn’t be seen from here. So he really had left it all behind. The one constant in his life was now nothing more than an echo of the past.

Lloyd had hoped that the last step of the mountain would give him clarity. That he would know where to go once he reached the bottom. No. There was still nothing. He had nothing.

You are nothing.

The voices that taunted him weren’t wrong. Being a ninja was all he had. The only life he’d had outside of it was petty crimes. He had nothing. He was nothing. No life. No family. No friends. Not now. Not after everything.

Something about this was different. When Zane had died, why hadn’t he quit? Why hadn’t he given up? Guilt struck his body; his neck burned with shame. Had he not cared enough? No. He was distraught. He overworked himself. It was all to get that loss out of his mind. Why couldn’t he do that now? Where was the desire to keep going? He wasn’t supposed to quit. He never quit. 

Oh, but he had. 

He wasn’t going back, either.