#wtf is ‘d block’……………………….

[akkivee]

i forgot to say!!!!!! tho i wouldn’t be able to tell you exactly where lol i got my assigned seat for day one!!! i’m somewhere in front reserved seats so i think my death is imminent lmao

[evermorepeyton]

JAPHAN, why the fuck not

[midnight-soulless-system]

Google actually considers transsexual as an inappropriate website, it's so sad but also hilarious

[conceptofjoy]

blocking dont do SHIT for side blogs…

[dootznbootz]

You've been blocked so you won't see anything I post. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ You're safe from my fanfiction now. I literally tag my own silly shit with a different tag with #shot by odysseus so it won't go into the main stuff. You don't HAVE to see it. And AGAIN! This isn't constructive criticism!!! You're just saying you don't like it!

[lucrezianoin]

lol

they blocked me.

I guess it is their normal fandom routine to dislike people's fanarts and fanedits but when someone calls you out on it, it is a bit too much?

[faunabel]

Hi! I’m the person on ao3 who lest a comment on Candlewax recently and just wanted to say what a huge fan I am of all your works and how happy I am that you’re still active here

oh WOWWW i was so curious who you were! tysm for commenting! :D

i'm not suuuuper active on tumblr rn as i'm coming out of a very severe depressive + dissociative episode, but i'm still around! and i'm open to talking or anything if u want, too~

still very happy someone liked my silly little smut shot hehe

i really hope i can start posting more again!!

[yoohyeon]

I think we need to bring back the g*friend receipts I see so many people still stanning v*viz, I’m nauseous

[roseband]

...

[fics-lovebot]

enhypen fic recs

main masterlist

· · ♡ · · tysm to the amazing creative minds of the writers for giving me sevaral moments of joy reading your creations

i´ll be constantly updating this list so make sure to check it out often for new recs

pls remember to reblog if you like any of my recs❤️

divider creds: @kyejiz

LAST UPDATED: 11/09/2024

poly / ot7

their s/o falls asleep waiting for them - ( @heeliopheelia ) fluffFFYY

you take your engagement ring off during an argument - ( @heeliopheelia ) angst, love it

come back to me..please - ( @thinemoonshine ) text, angst, they want you back after they messed up but you´re over it. I read this when i want a lil angsty angst bc there´s a lot of begging and shi

leche of the sirens - ( @thinemoonshine ) dark romance, mature themes, revharem, obssesive and possesive behaviour, corrupt nobles!enha, siren!reader. GRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (insert that one pic of a werewolf ripping his shirt) THIS IS THE BEST THING I´VE READ IN A HOT MINUTEEEEEE!!!!! omg I literally DEVOURED this, pls pls pls i cannot wait for the last part

you´re short - ( @nikrangdan ) fluff, crack, love itttttt

when you block them from your spam acc - ( @heeslomll ) text, fluff, crack, THIS IS SO FUCKFIJR FUNNY LMAO

"i wanna break up" prank - ( @luvrseung ) text, crack, JAY IS MY KIND OF MANNNN, and riki LMAOOOO why is he like that. hyung ver. , maknes ver.

makeup voiceovers - ( @kairoot ) fluff, crack, this is so creative omg, I love itttttttt

posessive - ( @kairoot ) text, fluff, crack, DKJSADKJHKASD so fun to read

dear husband - ( @atrirose ) fluff, you doing that one tiktoktrend where you call them husband outta nowhere, so cuteee

pretty boy - ( @atrirose ) fluff, tiktok trend where you call them "pretty boy"

exe.enhaboy_stopped_working.exe - ( @star-sim ) fluff, making them flustered. the Jay and Ni-ki ones are my favsss

is your girlfriend single? - ( @star-sim ) fluff, crack, youtuber! non-idol bf! enhypen. when your youtuber bf finally shows you for the first time to his audience and the chat starts simping. maknea line, hyung line PLSSSSSSSSSSSS READ IT, ITS SO GOOODDDD

"i want to break up" prank - ( @enha-stars ) text, crack. "wanna hear it in spanish? NOH" LDSJHFSJFDH WHY WOULD HE-

"we´d make a cute couple" - ( @sainns ) text, fluff, crack. NOT jay asking at what time u had a thought last night so he can be prepared lmao

“If you were walking past a strawberry field and you were very hungry, would you eat a strawberry?” - ( @luvrseung ) text, fluff, crack, heesung aint even know wtf he did lmao

hands - ( @cypherchii ) text, crack, enha legal line. "aint nobody looking at that", the sunghoon one .... no bc author is so real for that

another man paying for your nails - ( @joysbaereal ) text, fluff, crack, JAYYYYYY once again being the standard

a little less scandalous - ( @bywons ) fluff, suggestive, bad boy!enha

"i miss being single" prank - ( @joysbaereal ) text, fluff, very suggestive, sunghoon needs to chill out LMAO. hyung line

for their doll - ( @dioll ) fluff, enha hyung line. items the´d have in their car just for you, soooo cuteeeeee :(((((

i´ll be your bf - ( @chaconnenha ) fluff, angst, jealousy & possessiveness, minor suggestive, "you're not his girlfriend, and he's not your boyfriend, but.." I LIKE THIS

the other man?? - ( @thinemoonshine ) text, jealousy, crack, they are NOT about to let their girlfriend be in the same vicinity or presence of another man—especially, not one-on-one.

brought the heat back - ( @neos127 ) toxic!enha, highschool au, the sunghoon one was sexy ngl LFJSDFKJSH

sending them dirty texts while being surrounded by family - ( @heejake-hoon ) hyung line, VVERY suggestive. SDLFKJLDKJFH STOPPP I HAD TO PUT MY PHONE ASIDE WITH THE JAY AND SUNGHOON ONES,,"Be careful what you wish for, baby girl… you know damn well this dick doesn’t play fair." HAD ME TEARING UPPP

when you wear their shirt - ( @heejake-hoon ) suggestive, hyung line. miss girl pls STOP with these, i´m delulu enough

last added! charmed by her - ( @xoamiiren ) noona!reader, younger bf!enha, BC WHY DID HEESUGN AND JAY HAD ME GIGGLING AND KICKING MY FEET

heesung

ex-bf! heesung texts - ( @fakeuwus ) crack, fluff, he´s SIMPIIINNGG

down bad - ( @boyfhee ) texts, crack, loser!hee, ITS SO FUNNY BC HE´S WEIRF AF UNPROVOKED SDFJS

hopeless - ( @star-sim ) FLUFF, emo!heesung, horrendously down bad! heeseung, cute sweet!reader. absolutely no one would have expected the dark, brooding, and rough heeseung lee to be hopelessly head over heels in love with the sweet, oblivious you. AAAAA THIS IS SO CUTEEEEEE

who r u? - ( @jlheon ) fluff, you and heesung are in situationship but none of the members knew your knew, so they make up all these plans to lowkey figure it out. this was soooo entertaining lmao, i loved it

jay

random texts with bf!jay - ( @enha-stars )

too sweet - ( @star-sim ) fluff, suggestive, badboy!jake, nerdy!reader, downbad!jake. Jay is scared he will hurt you in the future so he tries to break things off but at the end of the day he´s whipped LMAOOO, I LOVE ITTTTTT

say it back! - ( @star-sim ) FLUFF, non-idol! bf! jay, clingy cute!reader, whipped!jake, like fr, UGHHHHHHHH SO CUTE AND DOMESTIC

pics i posted on my ig story for my crush to see - ( @lattegyu ) ig stories, fluff, crack, smau, non idol!jay

pictures of bf!jay enha send you - ( @ddksoo ) text, fluff

jake

fuck buddy jake - ( @heeseungsbm ) smut, lowkey fluff bc he´s got a fat crush

texts with ex-bf!jake - ( @bywons ) fluff, CRACK, he´s down bad fr

pictures of bf!jake enha send you - ( @ddksoo ) text, fluff

pics i posted on my ig story for my crush to see - ( @lattegyu ) ig stories, fluff, crack, smau, non idol!jake

brought the heat back - ( @jayniks ) smut, idol!jake, giving him a bj while he´s on weverse live sdlkjlsd WHEWW

hello kitty meets batman - ( @star-sim ) fluff, angst, lowkey smut, dark horror creator youtuber!jake, downbad!jake, beauty vlogger youtuber!reader. fans had no idea their fav youtubers were in a long-term secret relationship. THIS IS SO GOOOOOODDDDDDDD plsss, i wish i could read it again for the first time

things we never said - ( @hoonigiris ) very angsty. it’s heeseung’s wedding, jake’s had too much to drink, and really, he just misses you. perhaps what happens after are the things he should never say. This is realllyy well written, i loved it

clingy bf jake - ( @onyourmarkks ) PLSSS i want him so bad :((((((( he´s so bf

taste of heaven - ( @moonstruck-muses ) vamp au, smut, fluff, angst, vamp!jake, human!reader. he´s keeping his true nature a secret. THIS HAS IT ALLLLL and the smut is so gewd too, pls i would love the see another part of this

last added! grwm to break up with my bf prank - ( @jaeyunwon ) fluff, LSDJFLSKJ JAKE WAS HEATED, so cute

sunghoon

texting bf!sunghoon - ( @heeslomll ) text, fluff, crack, HE´S SO UNHINGED LMAO

texting bf!sunghoon - ( @heeslomll )text, THEY ARE HORNY AFFFFFF

texts with ex-bf!sunghoon - ( @saursoob ) text, crack

sunghoon as your downbad bf - ( @jaeyunwrld ) text, crack, fluff

random ass texts - ( ( @saursoob ) fluff, crack, downbad!hoon

freaky bf!hoon texts - fluff, crack, very suggestive, downbad!hoon, mentions of pee kink,,,IKYFL

pictures of bf!sunghoon enha sends you - ( @enha-stars ) text, fluff

emergency contact - ( @hoonatic ) ANGSTYYYYYYYYY, fluff, exes to lovers. weeks after your breakup, sunghoon finds out that he’s still your emergency contact. i love it SO fucking MUCH plssss

the pussy eating competition - ( @karinasbaby ) smut, HELLO???? THIS WHOLE CONCEPT IS CRAAZZZYYYYYYYYY, bc WDYM there´s a competition of how many times a guy can make a girl squirt under 5 minutes??????? IM- it´s good yall

crush - ( @star-sim ) fluff, crack, non-idol! bf! sunghoon, sleepy!hoon, dumb!hoon. AAAAAAAAA i love it :( so domestic and fun and cute and :((((((

without words - ( @slytherinshua ) fluff, PLEASEE I NEED HIMMMMMMM :(((((((((( they´re so in love

sunoo

espresso - ( @star-sim ) dark academia au, downbad!sunoo, loser!sunoo nerd!sunoo, popular!reader, lots of sexual frustration. I LOVE ITTTTTTTTTT SMMM

jungwon

july jewels and music notes - ( @atrirose ) text, fluff, crack simp!jungwon. LOVE THIS, it makes me cackle

too much, baby? - ( @onlygarden ) smut, dom!jungwon, noona!reader, lowkey size kink, dacryphilia, overstimulation. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT IS THISSSSFHDFHSKDJ

xo (only if you say yes ) - ( @rinanextdoor ) fluff, popular!jungwoon, secret admirer!reader, PLSSSS i need to read the next parts, it´s so good. I can only IMAGINE to fluff

ni-ki

disclaimer: he may be 18+ but I don´t feel comfortable reading any smut about him, so there won´t be any listed in here

that's your bf - ( @jlheon ) text, on going smau, fluff, crack, onlinebf!niki, idol!niki. LMAOOOO niki is dumb asl, bc if i was talking to some guy online and he said his name was riki, and then he sends some old niki pinterest pics that can be easly reversed searched, I would also NAWT believe his ass

sweater - ( @star-sim )fluff, angst, hurt-comfort, non idol bf!riki, happy ending, he gets insecure bc he doesnt recgonaize the sweater you´re wearing,

boys night - ( @star-sim )fluff, crack, non idol!riki, where his six friends tries to help him text his school crush. I LOVE THISSS, such a fun read

random texts with bf!riki - ( @sainns ) fluff, CRACK, "if u were my ex i wouldnt get over u, i would start tweaking like austin mcbroom" LMAOOOO he´s so real for tar

pics i posted on my ig story for my crush to see - ( @lattegyu ) ig stories, fluff, crack, smau, non idol!riki

gamer!bf riki - ( @alvojake ) FLUFF, IM GIGGLING AND KICKING MY FEET RN SDKFSLHSJDFH this was so CUTE

necklace - ( @rikiislvr ) fluff, idol!riki, i WISH this would happen to me but i´m too broke to be frequenting the same stores as him alsjfha, need a part two asap plss

[incognitopolls]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[eustasskidagenda]

Okay, this post is not based on a request. I kept thinking about it for hours and finally decided to write it down: how the OP characters would text their s/o. So here are some texting headcanons for some of my favorite characters: Eustass Kid, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Sabo. I'll probably write a part 2 with my other beloved characters: Luffy, Marco, Killer, and Robin. :D

☆Texting HCs for Kid, Law, Sanji, Zoro & Sabo

CW : g/n reader, MDNI, Kid is cursing, fluff, funny, partly nsfw, mention of alcohol for Zoro 

WC : 2k

Kid

Your name/photo in his contacts: mine. With a photo of your ass, obviously. And when he's mad at you, he renames you mid(ge).

Such a brat.

His wallpaper: a cool photo of his motorbike (I'm sorry but Kid is that kind of man in love with his own bike/car. But it's okay, he's still my favorite.) Or, a pic of your ass.

What kind of pictures are in his gallery: your ass, random photos of your face when he’s teasing you, his bike, and some punk stuff (music, makeup, outfit etc.)

His fav emoji : none.

He likes to send really, really shorts messages. Like : 

"Hi" "u know" "i have an idea" "So listen:"

Goddam Kid, just write the WHOLE sentence in one message.

He's sending you random pictures of his torso, just to flex with his big tiddies.

And you have to respond with a heart emoji and praise him each time.

If you want, he's more than willing to send dick pick too. 

Again, you have to praise him. Even if the pictures are absolutely non-aesthetic. He's blessing you with his cock after all. 

"Babe, you don't know how to take beautiful pics of your dick." "WTF SHUT UP???????? It's MY dick???!!! OF COURSE IT'S BEAUTIFUL??!!!" 

Yeah, Kid is clearly using extra punctuation. 

Oh, sure, each morning, you receive a mirror selfie of his outfit of the day. Such a punk fashion icon. "Rate my outfit on a scale of amazing to amazing" 

He doesn't use emojis because they sound too soft and stupid. "em0teS aRe f0r s0fT b0ys Y/N"

If you complain about his messages looking cold, he might use random emotes to annoy you like "UgH iF U wAnt 🦬" (with that stupid dumb sponge bob meme)

Whenever he calls you, it seems like he's yelling through the phone. 

He likes using caps lock like "HEY Y/N, WANNA FUCK TONIGHT??????" 

He's sending you random punk/rock music. And you have to listen and react to every single music, otherwise he's so pissed off. He is sharing his world with you, the less you can do is interact with him. 

He also loves sending some pics of what he's working on, because Kid likes to repare/custom some cars or motorbike. 

And last thing, I like the idea of Kid Pirates being a punk music band, so sure, Kid loves to send you some videos of him playing guitar. "My fingers are skilled in three things : music, crafting and fingering you all the fucking day long"

His phone is so damaged because he throws it every time he gets angry (like every two minutes).

Law

Your name/photo in his contacts: y/n-ya. With a cursed picture of you. Just to tease you with it. 

His wallpaper: nothing, just the random by default home screen. In his view, wallpapers are useless and pointless.

What kind of pictures are in his gallery: random pictures you took of him, emo memes, and boring stuff about medicine or basic hygiene rules for Luffy. And a guide to "how to stop screaming and how to control your anger: a guide for children" for Kid. 

His favorite emoji: 🖕🏻

Whenever you annoy him with a stupid joke or a prank you saw on TikTok, his immediate reaction is to block you. He's so annoyed, please, leave him alone. He is immediately aware that it is a prank. Luffy always does the same to him before you do.

He's never using capital, it's for the emo aesthetic, like 'I hate bread'. Nope. But ✨"i hate bread."✨, yeah, much better

And yes, he uses "." everytime, it's for the dark and tired emo aesthetic. 

He always leaves a group conversation as soon as you include him. Please, he's so pissed off by those kinds of things. 

He's able to leave your message seen for days. Just because he was busy and forgot about what you said. If you need an answer, sure, try to call him. He always keeps his phone in silent mode. 

He likes to send you cool articles that he reads. Especially about medicine, tattoos or nerd stuff like movies, books, games etc.

"wanna go to a date tattoo with me tomorrow?" 

That kind of question is clearly his love language

He enjoys teasing you with random photos of his tattooed fingers or chest. "I bet you miss these fingers." And yeah, he's clearing curling his fingers on the pic like he would do when they are inside you. He's really good at teasing you with photos. 

Kid and Luffy steal his phone whenever he's with them. So be ready to receive a lot of ugly pictures of Law (taken by the chaotic duo), middle fingers from Kid, and blurry meat pictures from Luffy. 

Poor Law deserves a break.

Sanji 

Your name/photos in his contacts : 💗💘🛐Mon Amour (my love)🛐💘💗 With the most beautiful picture of you. 

His wallpaper : a cute couple photo.

What kind of pictures are in his gallery : a lot of cooking videos or photos, you, aesthetic pic of the sky and a private album with some hot nudes that you sent to him.

His favorites emojis : 💘💗💖🛐💍🧎🌺🌸🌹🫦🥰😘🧑🏻‍🍳🍽🍷🥘 (yeah, Sanji LOVES emojis)

He's always texting you back. If he can't reply within a second, he won't open the text. Sanji, leaving his beautiful s/o with that awful "seen"? Never. 

All the mornings "good morning sweetheart 💘" and all the evenings "sleep well sweetheart, dream about me 💖"

He wants to take a cute and aesthetic pic of the both of you all the days. 

He bombards you with pictures of his cooking. It's cute, but also annoying because he can't help but send extra long texts. He describes every single action he did, along with recipes and tips. 

He enjoys seeing your outfit of the day. He can attempt to match his clothes to yours. 

Random "I love you 💖" and "if no one told you you were pretty today : you're the prettiest 🥰" 

He enjoys sending you cooking videos. "We should eat this tonight. What do you think? 🧑🏻‍🍳"

He's pretty good at sexting. He knows how to take aesthetic photo of his hands, back, or mouth. Not just an ugly dick pick (Kid, Zoro, I'm looking at you). And he also likes to leave you some message like.

I would sit you down on this table if you were with me right now. You know, the one in your kitchen where he had dinner with your parents yesterday? I would gently kiss your neck, fondle your chest, and slowly kneel between your legs until you shout my name. You would pull on my hair, begging me to keep going until you cum repeatedly on my face.  👅 "

And if you send him a nude, well, he's going to die from a nosebleed.

Rest in peace, Sanji. 

Zoro

Your name/photos in his contacts : "y/n". You pick a picture for him because Zoro and phones are not compatible.

His wallpaper : a cool katana

What kind of pictures in his gallery : gym selfies, katanas and alcohol (all with ugly quality)

His fav emojis : 👍🏻 and 😴 Like:

"hey Zoro, you're alright" 👍🏻

"Zoro, wanna hang out?" 😴

"Babe, what are you doing?" 😴

"… am i annoying you?" 👍🏻

He can responds to absolutely anything with those two emojis. 

Zero is so oblivious, so let's be honest: he is not good at using phones. Almost every day, he forgets his phone at home. And even if he didn't forget about it, it's probably on silent mode or just off.

He doesn’t know how to use the keyboard, so prepare yourself for coded-message like "o!. @= sp⛑t t🧹day???/!df🆎e !!"He can't even use the excuse "my cat walked on my keyboard", he just sucks with technology.

Your messages are often "seen ✔️" and that's all. Not because he wants to be mean, just... he didn't understand the concept of answering every text. He takes all of your messages as random information. Like "Hey, I'd love to see you tonight!". Well. OK. Message understood. That's all.

The only application he has on his phone is Google Maps. Even with it, he still gets lost. "Turn left." Without a doubt, he turns right. 

Once, he tried to please you with a dick pic. But the photo was just terrible: bad luminosity, an ugly close-up of his cock, blurred as fuck, and you can see the dirty tissue behind him.

He doesn't answer when you call him because he's either asleep or at the gym (or drunk).

Once, he also tried to send you a voice message, but it was just the sound of the wind. He forgot to talk closer to the microphone.

Sabo 

Your name/photos in his contacts : "my revolutionary 🎩💛". With a beautiful pic of your smiling face. 

His wallpaper : a symbol of revolution. 

What kind of pictures in his gallery : petition screenshots, his brothers, you, anti-capitalist memes and a private album with some hot pic of you (naughty Sabo)

His fav emojis : 🔥✨🖕🏻💛✊🏻😡😏😎🤩👉🏻👌🏻🫵🏻

Sabo is... complicate. Sometimes, he doesn't answer for WEEKS. And sometimes he's extra chatty. And when he's chatty well...

Sabo is always spamming you with petition links. "Save the dolphins", "save the monkeys", "fuck capitalism", "for the resignation of *insert random politician name*" 

"Hey sweetheart, manifestation tomorrow. See you there!! 🫵🏻" 

When it's not petitions, it's probably videos or articles. Sabo is a pure revolutionary. Be prepared to receive lengthy texts when he wants to fight for a cause. It's cute, honestly. He's really involved and passionate. 

"You, me, on a trip tomorrow?! 😏"

Sabo has a knack for surprising you with trips, so prepare yourself. This man craves adventure and surprises. He wants you to join his crazy journey. 

Sometimes, he's using proper grammar and punctuation, sometimes he's using a lot of !!!!!!!!??????? And caps lock. Especially when he's furious about something.  He makes a lot of typo errors because he's always in a rush while typing.

Let's fught  *figrt *fijkt *FUCK *LET'S FIGHT (and fuck)

He enjoys taking pictures of you unexpectedly because it makes you seem more natural. 

"So… sweetheart… we have a new roommate" with a cute pic of a dog/frog/duck/snail/whatever. Sabo has a kind heart. If he sees a wounded or abandoned animal, he feels obliged to adopt it.

And regarding spicy texts… 

Sabo is a kinky boy. So sure, he's thirsty when it comes to sexting/nudes. As a revolutionary, he is also very careful. He always asks you first before sending you nude or spicy texts. If you're willing, then prepare yourself.

A bunch of nudes. Since he's good with them, he won't display his dick in a weird and unattractive angle to you. He enjoys showing you his hands when he's wearing his gloves. Or a mirror photo of his back.

"I know you will scratch it when I'll fuck you tonight 😏"

You're not forced to send him nude or spicy texts back. He respects your boundaries without exception. And if you send him a photo anyway, he's also really nice. Always a comment like "your ass is soooooo good with this angle. I can't believe I'm that lucky 🥵" and if he wants to save a photo for his collection, he's always asking if it's okay with you.

"Sweetie, i have a new toy for you… 💛"

We all know what he's talking about. Naughty Sabo.

[nilpill]

Sort of Mine

dad!leon x daughter!reader

!!! - 18+, age gap, dead dove do not eat, incest, p in v, daughter is a bit of a cunt, guilty dad leon, panties in mouth, idk blah blah blah

WC - 4.3k

note - title is from the song sort of mine by heavenly! this is my first fic so there is progress to be made. as mentioned, there is incest in this fic so if that is not your thing, please continue on with your day or just block. also thank u sm to d beloved wife @ivmp for reading this for me on multiple occasions bcs i didn't know wtf i was reading myself LMAO. also if it feels rushed... that's bcs it was... i swear i will do better next time LOLOL

The clock strikes 1:30 AM, and you're startled awake by the sound of keys jingling and the door opening and closing. Dad was out late again, probably trying to get in another woman's pants back at the bar. He’s so desperate it makes you feel bad for the guy, really, but at the same time, it irritates you. Dad’s the only man you’d ever need in your life, so shouldn’t his sweet daughter be more than enough for him? Obviously not if he’s too busy chasing girls in an attempt to move on from your whore of a mother

But poor daddy, no one wants a single dad who looks like he’s gone through hell and back. It’s a shame, though, because dad is really handsome and has the sweetest personality ever. Oh, and that body of his is to die for. You would do anything to die under him while he was– You shake your head to get rid of the thought, climbing out of bed and softly padding down the stairs and towards the entrance of your home, greeting him with a small smile as you go up to hug him.

“Hey, kiddo,” he softly speaks, his arms lazily wrapping you as you cling to him. “What’re you doing awake? It's late.”

“I just woke up; you’re not exactly quiet when you come home,” you murmured, pulling away to look up at him.

“Well, maybe you’re a little too light of a sleeper,” He jokes, pinching your cheek affectionately. Dad lets out a long, tired sigh, shrugging off his suit jacket and tossing it on the coat hook.

It was clear this day took a toll on him because he of messy hair, and his eyes looked darker than usual. It was an appearance you were all too familiar with seeing from him by this point.

Dad steps out of his shoes before walking further into the house and over towards the living room couch, flopping down onto it and letting out a deep, weary sigh. You sit down beside him, studying the exhausted look on his face as he turns his head to regard you in a silent manner.

“You look like shit, dad… you should go to bed.”

“Thanks for the observation,” He replies, letting the hint of sarcasm lace his tone. “I’ve already had a stressful day at work; the last thing I need right now is a smart-ass kid,” He grumbles, draping an arm around your shoulders to pull you close to his side.

Leon leans his head down and rests it against the top of yours, his thumb subtly rubbing against your shoulder in slow, gentle drags.

Your nose picks up a faint, feminine scent of perfume mixed in with your dad's natural musk and the faint hint of alcohol when you move closer to adjust your seating next to him. It was a familiar scent that you recognized as your perfume. The more it registers in your head, the more you connect the dots in your head that dad must’ve tried to get with another woman.

That knowledge has you quietly fuming on the inside, and that feeling of possessiveness has you shifting your body to press against him even more. He glances over at you and sees that you have a slightly disapproving look on your face, causing him to let out a quiet huff.

You didn't know that he only went for her due to the scent reminding him of you, silly girl.

“What’s wrong, princess?” He probes, rubbing your shoulder even more. “You’re makin’ a face,” he mumbles to you lowly, his large hands reaching up to gently cup your face.

"Nothin'," you grumbled under your breath with a slight eye roll.

Leon’s lips quirk into a slight frown as he listens to your answer. It was clear to him that you were lying through your teeth now, and he gently rubbed his thumbs in small, soft circles on your cheeks, silently pleading with you to be honest with him.

“You’re a terrible liar, know that?” he murmurs disapprovingly, his thumbs gently pulling your cheeks down to make you pout.

“Dad, knock it off; you know I hate it when you do that… makes me feel like a kid.”

“Well, you are a kid. My little girl,” he replies, tugging on your pouting cheeks once more before letting out a heavy sigh, giving up now. He pulls his hands off your face to instead wrap them around your torso, pulling you more against his side.

“Now tell me, what’s buggin’ you?”

"Dad, I can't, like- ugh, seriously, I shouldn't."

“Shouldn’t what?” He questions, pulling his head away to look at you with confusion. “You can tell me anything, baby. You know that.” He softly reminds you, his gaze roaming over your face with concern.

You sighed heavily as you gathered the courage to tell him the truth before finally speaking up. "I just don't like how you go and meet with other girls, dad. I mean, I'm here, aren't I? You don't need them..." you managed to say, your gaze avoiding his.

His hold on you loosens for a moment, his body shifting so that he’s facing you fully now. He doesn’t say anything momentarily, quietly taking your words with surprise. He looks a little speechless, which is ironic as he’s usually the one running his mouth.

“Kid,” he softly begins, gently grabbing your chin to make you look at him. He notices you glance away as you speak, and his brows furrow as he studies your face.

“You-” Leon stops himself for a moment, seeming to gather his thoughts before continuing. “That’s not how it works, sweetheart. I’m a man, and I have needs.”

“I know, and I can help-”

You manage to say those words before his eyes widen, and he quickly clamps his hand over your mouth, cutting off the rest of your statement. You can see the shock on his face now as he stares at you.

“Jesus Christ, kid, you can’t just say stuff like that.” He tells you with a firm tone, his face a mix of surprise and a bit of horror now.

You frown as you pull back the hand on your mouth by his wrist, eagerly leaning forward as you are about to climb onto his lap. “Dad, come on, please…?”

He leans back on the couch, his eyes wide as you push toward his lap and begin to climb onto him. “H-Hey, what are you-“ He stutters, trying to keep his body from reacting as you begin to straddle his thighs.

"I'm a good daughter, aren’t I? I just wanna help you with your needs, daddy... I wanna make you happy, and I will, I promise. You just have to let me."

Your words manage to render him utterly speechless as you look up at him with big, pleading eyes. He stares at you with wide, shocked eyes, trying to process what you are saying to him.

“Kid-“ he tries to speak, his brain trying to find words, but they all stay stuck in his throat. “You can’t- I mean, you’re my little girl,” he manages to speak. “And you know you’re my little girl… this- this isn’t right,” He murmurs, his voice growing weary with each word.

Of course, he’s rejecting you. Dad has some morals, and it makes you question what the hell happened to yours. But hearing him protest against you causes you to roll your eyes, making you grow more irritated than you already were. "Oh, please..." You scoff, "Who else is going to give you attention? Not those women at the bar, that’s for sure.”

It was clear that your words were starting to affect him. The way you roll your eyes and your scoff is enough to make his eyes narrow down on you. Dad’s nostrils flare slightly while you speak, and his jaw is set tight as he responds.

“Damn it, kid, what’s gotten into you?” He snaps back, his hands gripping your hips to try to keep you at bay, but you’re starting to frustrate him with the way you were refusing to back down. “Jesus, princess, I can get attention from whoever the hell I want-“

“Except they don’t want you,” you bite back, your hands grabbing his shirt and balling them into fists. “They don’t want you like I do-” you continue, sitting on his lap fully now, your legs straddling his own. You can feel the way his body tenses underneath yours as you try to persuade him, and you let out a huff as he continues to reject you.

“Please, daddy,” you pout up at him, looking at him with pleading eyes. “I can make you feel so good if you just-“

“Dammit, kid…” He swears under his breath, trying to keep his eyes off you and at a respectable area. “You’re my baby girl…”

Your persistence is starting to be difficult to fight against, and it’s starting to piss him off how you’re so determined. You’re like a leech that stuck itself on him, and you refuse to let go. You’re starting to drive him crazy.

“I know I am, daddy, but I’m an adult too,” you reply, moving your hands from where they were on his chest and up towards his hair, letting your fingers run through the messy locks. You look up at him with pleading eyes, leaning closer and pressing against his chest more. “Can’t I take care of you like the big girl I am?”

His breath hitches at your touch, and it’s taking all the control in the world to keep his hands on your hips instead of letting them wander. Dammit, why does this feel so good? But he can’t let it go further. You’re his little girl; you’ve been his little girl since the day you were born. It doesn’t matter if you’re technically an adult now; you’ll always be his princess.

He tries to pull his head away from your hand, which is messing with his hair, but he’s unable to do so with his back pushed up against the couch. “This is so wrong… it’s-” he stutters out, his eyes drifting down to your figure on his lap, taking in the way your body looks pressed against his. “It’s so wrong, princess,” he mutters again, his hands on your hips subconsciously starting to grip tighter.

“How can it be wrong if I’m doing it?” You whisper to him, your hands trailing from his messy hair to his face, cupping his cheeks as you keep him in place. “I want to do this for you, daddy. Please, just let me make you feel good for once… you always do everything for me.”

He can feel his mind becoming fuzzy now, a small part weakening at your pleading looks and words. He was only a man, after all.

His hands on your hips start to dig into your flesh with bruising strength, but you don’t mind. Your eyes were too busy locked onto his and watching how his expression was slowly starting to change.

“Please, daddy, you don’t need other women,” you whine softly, your hands running down from his face to his muscular chest. You start unbuttoning his shirt slowly, your gaze looking down to watch as you unbutton each small button.

“You’ve got me right here. I’m better than all of them. I just want to make you happy,” you murmur, looking back up at him as you finish unbuttoning his shirt.

“Princess,” He mutters quietly, his hands finally starting to wander from your hips, slowly moving up your sides and towards the front of your body.

You were always such a good girl for your dad - the thought alone made him grin. He couldn't imagine himself as a perfect father in the past, but the gods had indeed blessed him with an absolute jewel of a daughter. Leon would often do whatever he could for you as long as it kept you happy.

One of your hands moves downwards from his chest to the front of his slacks, and with a quiet noise of surprise, his hand clamps on your wrist to stop it from reaching for his growing bulge, and his grip on your hip tightens as a warning.

You can see how he’s trying to hide his desire for you, his hand keeping a death grip on your wrist as you keep your palm flattened against the front of his slacks. You’re starting to drive him crazy with the way your body is pressing against him, and in response, you slowly grind down on him again, a low groan instantly leaving his lips as he squeezes your hips harder.

“Jesus, kid, you have to stop for a second-,” He grits out to you, his hands trying to still your hips again, but you feel his body start to lose focus. He’s starting to get too lost in the moment now. “-I can’t think when you-” He stops and lets out a sharp gasp as you rock your hips against him again, his grip loosening on your hips for a split second.

There was no way he was able to hide the way his breath stuttered when you started undoing his pants, and his hands that had been holding you still started roaming over your body more now. Both of his hands start roaming upwards, grabbing and fondling with your breasts under the thin material of your shirt. “Fuck…” He groans out, his hips subconsciously starting to roll up against you.

“This is-“ He stops for a moment and lets out a strained pant, “This is so wrong…we shouldn’t be doing this,” he murmurs, his hips continuing to roll up against you lazily.

His words contradict his actions, but you know that this moment was what the both of you secretly wanted. You bite your lip as you look at him, seeing the warring expressions all over his face as he tries to fight against your touch.

“Shhh, daddy,” you murmur, palming him through his boxers. He lets out a loud, shameless moan at your touch, his head falling back with his eyes shut. "You’re so touch-starved, aren't you? Just need your little girl to help you out, hm?"

The feeling of your hand palming him was driving him insane, and his body reacted accordingly to your touch, letting out quiet grunts and moans. He’d never admit it out loud, but you were right; he was touch starved. It had been a long time since he got to feel the touch of another woman… but never his sweet, innocent little girl.

A quiet hum left his lips as you moved your hand again, his eyes opening as he looked up at you. “This is bad, we can’t-”

“Oh my goddd,” you groan as you roll your eyes for the hundredth time that night, pushing off of him so you can pull your panties off and shove them into his mouth before settling back down onto his lap.

His brain takes a second to process the action, but when he realizes what you just did, he is at a complete loss for words. His eyes were wide as saucers, his mouth hung open wide, and his face was bright red as he stared at you in shock.

You were sure he would protest and pull the dampening material out from his mouth, but he didn’t. He was sitting there quietly, his chest rising and falling quickly as you sat back down on his lap, your body pressing up against his again.

His hands slowly grabbed your hips as you looked at him, your face leaning closer to his. He made a soft noise, his head tilting to the side as his eyes closed and a small puff of air left through his nose.

“You know I’d never hurt you… and you know I’d take such good care of you.” You coo softly to him, your hands trailing across his chest. “I know what you need, and I’ll give it to you…”

He was unable to speak with your panties shoved in his mouth, but all he could do was listen to you and nod. His eyebrows were furrowed as he looked at you through half-lidded eyes, panting and letting out small moans as he took his turn to grind up against you softly. He looked so helpless and so pent up. You’d always seen him tall and strong, someone unwavering and in charge. But god, seeing him like this was driving you wild… seeing him like this because of you was even better.

Your hands reach down to tug at his boxers, trying to move them down just enough to let him free. He lets out a frustrated-sounding noise, but once he feels you start to tug again in a more insistent way, his hands slowly pull your hips off of him. He leans forward to help you push his boxers, along with his pants, down to his thighs as he stares up at you with wide, pleading eyes.

He looked so desperate, his gaze boring into yours as he tried to convey just how helpless he felt. His head was falling forward to rest on your chest, and he made a noise against you, begging you to stop with the pathetic look on his face.

You knew he didn’t actually want you to stop; he was just whining to make himself feel less bad about this whole situation, but as long as he kept being good, you’d make sure to leave him feeling satisfied.

“You need this, don’t you? After all this time of not having someone?” You gently pull his head back by his hair so he’s looking at you.

He lets out a sound of agreement against the material in his mouth, his head nodding pathetically. His body started to move forward, his hands reaching to grab at you once more, trying to pull you closer to him. He was getting more desperate by the second, and he wanted to be as close to you as he possibly could.

You let out a soft chuckle as he tries to pull you back on top of him again. “Oh, so greedy now,” you tease him, grabbing his wrists to still his movements, but all he does in response is let out another pathetic noise, trying to squirm against your grip as his eyes pleading you to give in to his nonverbal requests.

You position his dick between your folds and slowly start to grind down against the length of him, letting your wetness coat his shaft, allowing his tip to repeatedly bump against your clit, and his body immediately responds as he lets out a muffled moan. He’s looking up at you with wide, pleading eyes. His eyes looked so cute like this; they were filled with a desperate, begging look as his mouth opened wide to let the panties fall from his mouth.

“Don’t worry, dad… I won't slip it in.” you softly assure him as you delicately caress his cheek, keeping the pace of your hips at a slow pace.

However, something snapped in him the moment you told him you wouldn’t slip it in, and his hands roughly grabbed your hips to force himself into you, causing you to cry out due to the sudden stretch that caused you pain.

“Fuck— princess, you can’t just tell me that after saying you’ll take care of me.” he groans, keeping a tight grip on your hips to hold you still as he thrusts up into you, not giving you a chance to adjust.

You sob out a moan as he roughly fucks himself into you, your nails raking down his chest in an attempt to ground yourself to gain control again, but you can’t.

He drops a hand down to harshly rub at your clit, earning another startled moan from you as he feels your body tremble in his grasp.

“Daddy loves you, princess," he murmurs, lips brushing against your skin as he presses a loving kiss to your temple. It was something he told you daily. But you had a feeling he meant it in a not-so-fatherly way.

You let out a whine as he suddenly pulls his thumb away. God, that whine. You're not making this easy for your poor dad, are you? The feeling of your wetness on his thumb makes him huff, a rumble coming from his chest as he presses his forehead against yours, bringing the digit to press into your mouth to let you suck on it.

He’s feeling possessive, just as you did, feeling like he wants to bite and mark you as all his - but with you this close, this sweet and wet, how can he just focus on that?

Well, actually, he could hardly focus. That same damn perfume on your skin has him feeling dizzy. The soft, sweet scent had reeled him in and left him feeling more intoxicated than the whiskey that was in his system earlier.

“My baby, my sweet darling girl, do you like being fucked by the same dick that made you?” he quietly whispers to you as he pulls his thumb away, watching the string of saliva snap.

You couldn’t let a single word slip past your lips, dumbly nodding as nothing but moans came from you as you turned into putty.

It’s kind of embarrassing how easily you melted in his hands, letting him mold you however he wants until he’s satisfied with the outcome.

Fuck, what was he supposed to do once this was over and came to terms with what he did?

He’s not too worried about that at the moment, though; his eyes are so trained on your expressions, and his head is only filled with the sounds of your moans. He’s so fixated on you that he doesn’t even notice the way you’re squeezing him so tight as you reach your orgasm.

The only thing that broke him from his trance is when he sees your tears gliding down your cheeks, realizing he drove you to overstimulation. The realization alone has his thrusts growing sloppy as he nears his own release, grunting and shaking as he cums hard inside of you, not even sparing a single thought to realize what he had just done.

He’s careful as he lifts you by your hips to pull himself out, watching the way his cum drips out of you with a low groan.

“Dad…” you whimpered, your body going lax against his chest as you struggled to come down from your orgasm.

He hums softly, his touch gentle and soothing as he runs his hand through your hair to help bring you back down to earth. “Dad’s here, kiddo… I got you.”

You both lay there in the afterglow, sweaty and spent as you lay on top of him. Both of his arms are wrapped around your midsection, holding you tightly against his chest, almost as if he never wanted to let you go again. Your head was tucked snugly into the crook of his neck as he gently moved to pull the blanket on the couch onto your bodies, his grip not loosening.

The house was silent, except for the sound of the both of you trying to catch your breaths and calm your racing hearts. Both of you stayed sitting there on the couch in a daze, not wanting to say anything and let reality sink in. All while your father softly placed sweet kisses on your forehead.

“Daddy?” you murmur against his skin, a small hand rubbing gently over his skin soothingly. “You ok?”

He lets out a shaky breath before answering you. “Yeah… yeah, I’m alright,” he whispers, placing another kiss on the top of your head. Leon’s arms wrap tightly around you as if trying to savor the moment a little longer.

The silence between the two of you was starting to feel awkward now, and the realization of what you both just did was finally setting in.

He lets out a deep breath, one of his hands rubbing slowly up and down your side as he tries to calm his breathing down even further. “I’m... I’m so sorry, kid,” he says, his voice a little broken. “I’m so sorry. I just- I don’t know what came over me, I just-”

“Hey, hey, it’s ok… it wasn’t your fault; I was the one who started it,” you murmur to him, gently silencing him before he can continue, a small hand moving to rub gently over his chest to soothe his racing anxiety. “We both wanted it… I knew you needed it, and I was more than willing to give it to you,” you reassure him, gently tracing over his muscles.

He takes a deep breath, his body slowly relaxing under your touch. “I’m sorry I was so rough at the end. I just… I lost my head for a moment, I was so caught up in that I didn’t even think-” He paused for a moment, pausing to take another deep breath before continuing. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

You shook your head, looking up at him with a sheepish smile. "It's ok, dad... I’m fine." you softly assured him, leaning forward to press a delicate kiss against his lips. "I love you.."

He sighs against your lips, his grip on you tightening again at your words. “I love you too, sweetheart… I love you so much.” He responds, pressing another kiss against your lips in return. He had a hard time believing that any of that had just happened, but there was no denying that it all felt too good to be a dream.

UM… I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE ORIGINAL POST LMFAOKAOAKWOW sorry guys 🙏 evil pill took over i fear

[skittlespizza]

HALF LIFE TUMBLR SIMULATOR:

🌐 breenofficial follow

This is your daily reminder that we do in fact see your internet history. Please refrain from looking things up such as "breen leaked feet pics". Thank you.

🗨 combineofficial follow

To add on: please stop looking up "Metrocop x Reader", thank you.

🪄 c17-mp2901 follow

whoever keeps stealing my rations from the breakroom owes me AT LEAST six days worth at this point.

📀 c17-mp183729 follow

Its happening to you too, 2901? I thought it was just me...

🔆 c17-mp89388 follow

This is a reminder that we work hard for our rations and it's kinda fucked up to steal people's hard work... idk if its just me but why is it normalized to make fun of Civil Protection?? We're just doing out job.

@combinefeedback can you fix this??

💠 combinefeedback follow

Hello! Please email us at combinecomplaints@theoverwatch11.com to submit a formal complaint.

🍻 bcalhoun follow

Lol

🛡 the-resistance follow

Double agent of the week has been announced! Special thanks to @ bcalhoun for his hard work. He has reportedly stolen weeks worth of rations from the City 17, District 6 breakroom, thoroughly demotivating the metrocops :).

🟠 gfreeman-fan follow

Looking for a roleplay partner! I'd be roleplaying my BlackMesa!OC, Jamie. I'm okay roleplaying with BlackMesa!Ocs or Gordon Freeman. Breen roleplayers please do not interact!

🩵 breen-defender follow

What's wrong with breen?? /gen

🟠 gfreeman-fan follow

What do you mean what's wrong with breen?? U literally support... ☹️☹️ blocked and reported.

🛡 the-resistance follow

Gordon Freeman fanart drawn by @gfreemanlefttoe!

[gordon_fanart_final_FINAL_FINALREALLY.jpg]

🔬 eye-kleiner follow

Wow! 😍 Most Accurate Drawing I've Seen Yet! Amazing Work, gfreemanlefttoe!

🪼 justice4cremators follow

THE FUCKING USERNAME I CANT.

🍻 bcalhoun follow

As someone who knew Gordon before all this... kinda wild ngl.

⚓️ a-d-vanced follow

My dad literally worked with Gordon I can't imagine how he feels knowing gfreemanlefttoe is a real username.

🔭 elivance388 follow

It's funny asf.

🪨 lazlo-greatest-mind-of-our-generation follow

DNI: Breen defenders (wtf is wrong with you), Gordon Freeman x Breen Shippers 😭😭, Resistance snitches, if you work with the combine AT ALL (THIS IS MY BLOG OKAY??), antlions, if you own any headcrabs as pets. They're literally exotic creatures wtf is wrong with you..

⚓️ a-d-vanced follow

[dog_picture.jpg]

Here's a selfie with my pet dog!

🚫 alyxvancehateblog follow

I literally saw him attack a combine soldier yesterday...

⚓️ a-d-vanced follow

And???

🚫 alyxvancehateblog follow

Kinda weird ngl...

⚓️ a-d-vanced follow

Ermmm in literally neurodivergent and a minor 🤓

📘 real-history-facts follow

Today, 10 years ago, the Resonance Cascade happened!

🧠 brmy-md follow

Who remembers x files... 😭😭

☢️ stalkerk follow

Rb with what you miss most about pre combine life

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Predictably, music...

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Holidays...

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Cats@

[Cat.jpg]

🍻 bcalhoun follow

WHICH MUTUAL REBLOGGED THIS I HAVE ALL CAT TAGS BLOCKED PLEASE TAG YOUR CAT PICTURES. JESUS CHRIST.

🔭 elivance388 follow

WHO FUCKING DID THIS.

🫐 ocubbage follow

hehe

⚓️ a-d-vanced follow

CUBBAGE??? WHAT???

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Username change. Gfhhhh 👍

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Who hacked breen again?

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Lmao

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PLEASE STOP WRITING BREEN X METROCOP STORIES. THANK YOU.

[whyse7vn]

CARDBOARD BOX -

[ ot7 x reader ]

BTW ☠️😂

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

hobi: thinking about when we all lived together and jimin would make jungkook tap dance for food

jk: good times :D

namjoon: but jungkook cant tap dance?

jimin: exactly

namjoon: so you starved jungkook?

jk: no i tapped??

jin: horribly

jk: :(

tae: i liked it

jk: honestly 🥺?

tae: honestly

jk: :D

hobi: why is joon acting like he wasn’t there to witness it???

namjoon: sorry

i just tend to block out the traumatic memories i have with you guys

which is most of them

jin: jungkook was the one dancing for food not you

namjoon: being a witness to that was traumatic

yoongi: it was funny

jk: thank u

yoongi: no

namjoon: moving on

y/n: remember when jungkook would like disappear for 4 hours everyday and come back to the dorms at like 5 am

hobi: OMG YES

jimin: the era where he hated us 😪

yoongi: bring it back

jk: i didn’t hate you guys ☹️

tae: he was just getting his dick wet don’t worry about it

namjoon: he was barley 16?

tae: pussy slayer since 05 😝

namjoon: 05??

yoongi: he was 7 in 05

jin: victim since 05

jimin: jin was like 27 in 05

jin: ??unprovoked

and not fucking true

jimin: as long as you’re alive i’m provoked

y/n: 27 in 05 is crazy

jimin: i’m saying like 😭

hurry up and die maybe?

hobi: bros 31 ☠️

namjoon: ok stop guys

jin: fucking hate all of you

jk: omg it’s raining outside i’m so sad :((

tae: my fault stepped outside and mother nature just couldn’t contain herself

she freaky like that

hobi: paying for ur assassination

jk: what does that even mean

tae: the sky squirting for me bro

jk: oh

that’s nice didn’t know that was possible !!

can you make her stop tho

tae: tell namjoon to step outside and she’ll stop

namjoon: ???

tae: it will be hot and dry as shit if joon steps out ong

jk: namjoon pls step outside

namjoon: kook you need to stop taking tae’s word for things

jk: what

i take no words

i have my own

namjoon: nvm

y/n: life would be so much fun if one of you was a crack addict

jin: ????

yoongi: freak

hobi: real

jimin: namjoon is right here like….

namjoon: leave me ALONE

jk: i’ll be a crack addict for you

tae: i’ll be a better addict

jk: NO YOU WONT

tae: YES I WILL

y/n: shut up

jk: sorry ☺️💕💖

tae: i could so break jungkook’s legs

jk: ☹️

how will i tap?

hobi: you don’t need to tap anymore kook

ur free from that life

y/n: tap by taeyong

jimin: he may be free from tapping in this life but is the tapping life free from him?

yoongi: what

jimin: mentally jungkook is still my little tapping slut

jk: aw man ://

namjoon: did you need to call him a slut??

can we just be nice

jimin: yes i needed to call him a slut

he’s a slut

tae: he was sixteen tapping for you

ur calling a sixteen year old a slut

guys i think jimin is really weird for that actually

jk: me 2

jimin: so?????

you literally said he was fucking at 16 you indirectly called him a slut too

jk: right !!!!

tae: UMM NO???

i called him a pussy slayer actually

and that could mean anything

jk: like what?

tae: shut up jungkook

jk: ok

i’m sorry

it’s still raining

i’m upset

jin: anyways i think yoongi could be nicer

yoongi: ?????

y/n: yoongi’s great

jin: TO YOU

yoongi is actually really really mean and we need to talk about it

jk: i also think yoongi’s great !!

when i was sad about getting old and sick he told me i probably won’t get cancer and most likely die from getting stabbed at 30 on the 12th of december 3pm

namjoon: oh

y/n: yoongi….

yoongi: no cancer !!

jk: NO CANCER ^0^ !!!!!!

tae: yoongi being cold and mysterious will only get you so far in life

jk: yoongi don’t be cold

🔥🔥🔥

here

y/n: jungkook ur so silly

where are you

i want to bite you

jk: 😳

OMW HOME I PROMISE

WON’T BE LONG I SWEAR

jimin: take me back to the days where you had to buy bitches 46 plots of land and a horse to get pussy

i can’t do this being dumb ass hell shit

hobi: maybe ur just ugly idk??

jimin: ????

yo wtf

hobi????????????

hobi: who said that not me whatttt?

jin: that’s why taemin has jimin blocked

jimin: HE DOES NOT HAVE ME BLOCKED

yoongi: woah ok?

jimin: just saying

anyways

jin: ur ugly 😂

jk: beauty is subjective

yoongi: do you even know what that means?

jk: yes ofc ??

maybe…

no 😔

tae: subjective sex

namjoon: stop

tae: SUBJECT SEX

i class i would love to participate in

y/n: is this you telling us you don’t know how to have sex???

tae: NO

this is me telling you i love sex and partake in it often

hobi: stds

jk: i’m confused

why do you want to take a class on it then ???

y/n: right

you wanting to take a sex class implies you know little on the subject of sex actually

tae: SHUT THE HELL UP

jimin: nothing about my beauty is subjective btw

it’s fact

jin: that ur ugly

yoongi: lol

jimin: namjoon tell them i’m not ugly

namjoon: guys he’s not ugly

jin: he’s really ugly

y/n: namjoon tell tae to stop shouting

namjoon: taehyung stop shouting

tae: NO

NAMJOON TELL KOOK AND Y/N I KNOW HOW TO FUCK

namjoon: kook y/n taehyung knows how to fuck

hobi: namjoon i wont lie to you but u lowkey a bitch

jin: right

namjoon: thank you for that hobi and jin i also love you very much

jk: ohmygod joon loosing his mind again

that is NOT what they said

joon come back to us

fight this namjoon fight it

hobi: fighting by bss

yoongi: who fighting?

jimin: joon and his crippling coke addiction

coke winning

namjoon: can we not

tae: i’ll laugh when you overdose

y/n: exo core

namjoon: i just helped you what is ur issue??

jin: do you notice how yoongi appeared again when the word fighting was said????

we NEED to have this man locked up i’m telling you

yoongi: i’ll have you sectioned

jin: WHAT THE FUCK?????

NAMJOON TELL HIM TO TAKE THAT BACK

namjoon: yoongi take that back

please

yoongi: i take it back

jin: good

yoongi: not

jk: yikes jin he got you

yoongi ur really cool

yoongi: shut up

jk: sorry 😆

y/n: stop being mean

yoongi: cant help it :3

tae: who wants to see me split a watermelon with one hand

jk: ME ME

OHMYGOD ME I DO I DO

I WANT TO SEE

PLEASE SHOW ME PLEASE BEOFRE I PASSED OUT PLEASE

PICK ME TAE I WANT TO SEE ME MEMEMEMEMEMEMMEMEME

hobi: tae how is ur financial situation these days

tae: kill yourself

hobi: ok wtf???

i was just asking

tae: jungkook im sorry but no broken watermelon today blame hoseok

jk: hobi what the hell man i was really looking forward to the broken watermelon

y/n: i heard tae filed for bankruptcy

tae: NOT TRUE

jimin: i heard he lives in a cardboard box

tae: SHUT UP I DONT

jk: tae omg……… 😧

is this true

tae: NO OBVIOUSLY NOT

YOU WERE AT MY HOUSE YESTERDAY

AND I ORDERED US FOOD

jk: pls dont shout at me

i’m trying to remember if your house was a cardboard box or not

jimin: (it was)

tae: NAMJOON

namjoon: guys

jimin: ur no fun

y/n: sorry 😔

tae: yeah

you guys better be sorry

stupid idiots

jimin: shut up broke boy

namjoon: jimin please

jimin: whatEVER

tae: namjoon i don’t say this a lot because normally it wouldn’t be true but man i love you

guys i think me and namjoon were married in our past lives

cuz like were so in tune with each other

like he just gets me

i get him

i believe in every life we find each other

like we get married in every single life except this one

namjoon: no offence but in every life i would find you and divorce you if that were true

tae: oh

y/n: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

yoongi: lol

jimin: no i see it the crack addict and the broke bitch love story

tae: at least someone gets it

nvm

should of read the whole message first

u guys are just closed minded

im telling you me an namjoon are like super alike someone thought i was him yesterday and he was so real and right for that

jk: i thought you said that guy that called you rm in the park yesterday was a racist not real or right

tae: jungkook

jk: yeah ^0^

tae: stop talking rn

jk: okay😵

hobi: cocaine is like really expensive how would tae and joon work out

tae wont be able to help feed into joons addiction

y/n: why do you know that cocaine is expensive

hobi: i know a lot of things that just happenes to be one of them

jimin: if you think about it when have you ever seen a crackhead be like nah im not gonna have crack today

they make that shit happen no matter what

and i think thats what attracts tae and joon together

like joon will do anything and everything to get his fix and tae would do anything and everything to have a place to sleep so their hardworking nature is what leads them to love

yeah

jin: ok !!!!!!

jimin i think you need a hobby or something

that was…. a lot

yoongi: shut up

jin: WHAT DID I DO???? AM I WRONG OR DID YOU ACTUALLY ENJOY JIMINS MINI FANFIC LIKE?????????

yoongi: i’ll punch you

jin: and i believe that!

shutting up #now

hobi: i wish i was mark lee rn

he probably doing something really canadian as we speak

jk: like what?

hobi: idk being nice

jimin: you called me ugly five minutes ago

you could never be mark lee

hobi: that literally wasn’t me i have no idea what ur talking about sorry i’m actually mark lee rn so i fr don’t know what ur talking about dude sorry dude i have to go on stage and dance with nct 127 now and then i have vocal practice with nct dream right after so i’m sorry dude i like have zero idea what ur talking about like actually like a sticker 2 baddies beatbox

me as mark lee and scene

jk: 10/10 really believable idk mark lee but i really though you were him for a second

y/n: great performance thought mark was here fr almost kissed you passionately on the mouth

yoongi: what

hobi: thank u thank u

you can still kiss me tho haha lol as mark or not idm

y/n: ok omg come here!!!

hobi: FR?????

y/n: no !!!!!!

but i did imagine us kissing like last week for like five seconds

hobi: yesssss 🙌 😝

a win is a win

yoongi: its not a win

she threw up at the thought

y/n: no i didn’t

yoongi: yes you did

you told me

y/n: i DID’NT

stop trying to gaslight me

it wont work

tae: have you imagined me naked

jimin: liked it better when you weren’t talking

tae: i liked it when YOU weren’t talking

jimin: shut the fuck up

jin: how about you both shut the fuck up

jimin: now why are YOU talking again

yoongi beat the shit out of him

yoongi: nah dont want to

the thought of his face isn’t pissing me off anymore

jin: thank you <3

yoongi: i could punch hoseok tho

hobi: no thank you ???

y/n: yoongi has a framed picture of all of us on his bedside table that he hides whenever you all come over in case you find it

he also has each one of our debut photocards in a small little binder in his studio in a little safe

yoongi: not true bye

yoongi left “BTW☠️😂”

y/n added yoongi to “BTW☠️😂”

y/n: very true very real seen them with my very two eyes

yoongi: you wear glasses

that you don’t actually wear

so who knows what u be seeing

that is NOT true

y/n: i wear glasses to READ and you know that

so shut up

guys yoongi would punch none of you because he loves you very much ok? 😍💖💯

tae: yoongi do you kiss our picture goodnight be honest

yoongi: fuck off actually

namjoon: thats very sweet yoongi

we love you too

jin: i DON’T

i fear my life when i’m around yoongi picture by his bed or not

i’m shaking in my boots i’m scared

yoongi: pussy

jin: i’m telling you ever since he broke that poor woozi guys nose i have not looked at him the same

y/n: ok but that was a mistake right yoongi

yoongi: ?

y/n: it was

and besides has yoongi broken your nose?

jin: no but it’s coming

i know it

yoongi: true

jk: i feel safe around yoongi

yoongi: you shouldn’t

jk: because he hasn’t broken my nose

but jimin did punch me once

jimin: dont bring up my past

hobi: if we think about it jimin should be locked up

jungkook you can press charges you know?

jimin: CAN WE NOT TALK ABOUT ME AND WHAT I’VE DONE

like we were talking about how yoongi actually love us

lets get back to that

yoongi: jimin should be put behind bars

jimin: yoongi loves us

yoongi: jimin is a bully

jimin: YOONGI LOVES US

tae: i love you back yoongi

yoongi: kill yourself

jimin is a literal bully like actually

jimin: and ur a fake one cuz u love us

jk: jimin you are bully

yoongi: ur right jungkook

you are so right

jimin: jungkook yoongi loves you

that’s why he’s agreeing with you

jk: i love you too yoongi ^0^

yoongi: jungkook jimin is bullying you

has been since you were 16

jk: ohmygod……..

jimin: jungkook yoongi has a photocard of you that he’s probably decorated and everything just cuz he cares so deeply about you

jk: he does????????

namjoon: ok both of you stop

jimin you ARE a bully

and yoongi its ok that you actually like us you should stop pretending you don’t

jimin: I AM NO BULLY

yoongi: i like not one of u 😒

namjoon: yeah ok

jk: GUYS OHMUGOD

tae DOES LIVE IN A CARDBOARD BOX I REMEMBER NOW 🤯🤯😨

tae left “BTW☠️😂”

—

think of this as a flash back/ forward idk of the good happy times ok? ok thank u >_<

sorry for the shit ending i just really like the first part and wanted to post

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @jazminethecreator @k4ngelz @jmnscutie @threeopossumsinacoat @cynicalyoongs @lightningpussy54 @eunthv @gigiiiiislife @lowkeykin @elissasimp @socksfirstalways @knjlvr06 @lailaisarmy @thvkives @xstfudaisyx @xxxanimangxxx @solstice34 @ml8dy @hoeforseoks

[star-dust-shark]

pjo characters as weird and dumb things me and my friends have said

Percy: what the fuck is cockblocking like I can't block ur cock on Snapchat

-

Will: UUUUUUUGH MY ASS HURTS- ooh look a butterfly

-

Leo: I CANT FIND MY PRETTY STICKER- AW FUCK- SHIT- MY VAGINA- OOAOoOoOOooAHAHHAgh

-

Jason: I can't actually believe I just agreed with you but hey here we are

-

Reyna: why the fuck am I friends with any of you hoes

-

Piper: should I...? too late I did it

-

Will: the best way to rizz someone up is by rizzing them up *turns to friend, winks horribly* hey baby girl

-

Rachel: one sec getting my anger out *aggressively splatters paint on canvas*

-

Annabeth: sometimes I'm smart. When I'm smart, I'm smart. *awkward thumbs up and grimace*

-

Octavian: fuck the gays they should all die ... I mean I could fuck some gays

-

Hazel: I'll make you tea but not in a sweet way I'll make it so hot in burns your tongue and you can't speak for a week

-

Frank: hey guys check me out I'm a furry on drugs *WOOOF WOOF BARK BARK BARK WOOF WOOF*

-

Grover: I love plants :3 specifically magic mushrooms but like

-

Leo: I mean I would totally fuck you but like respect man

-

Will: Ugh fuck my life I hate everything *coldplay starts playing* I retract the previous statement I fucking love life

-

Jason: UGH UR ALL SO DUMB but I'm in

-

Nico: if u wanna kys clap ur hands *rapidly claps hands*

-

Piper: *hypnotizes u with my beautiful blue orbs* come over to my house

-

Hazel: respectfully hope you die <3

-

Frank: I'm on acid what's it called when a ton of cats jump on each other a dog pile or a cat pile

-

Reyna: OH THANK GOD- sike I don't believe in that motherfucker hahahha

-

Annabeth: I'm so smart *holds up the one good test I got in school* see the teacher even gave me an 11/10 because I wrote my name in a cool font

-

Leo: UUUUUGGGGGHHHH IM SO HORNY- *mom walks in* oh hi mom how are you

-

Will: we can just... fuck. as friends though no homo.

-

Rachel: IF I DON'T DRAW SOMETHING IN THE NEXT FEW MINUTES I AM GOING TO MAUL SOMEONE

-

Octavian: you all suck and I hate you *silence* no wait come back

-

Someone: haha ur gay

Nico: yeah??? and ur not?? like don't knock it until you try it dick is yummy man

-

Hazel: someone just told me what smearing is and honestly I kinda wanna die *fix you by coldplay starts playing* LMAO WTF

-

Frank: you sad ass emo dog just be happy

-

Percy: I Am OnE wiTh ThE oCeAn AnD HopEfuLLy aLL oF ThE hOt MerPeOpLe In iT

-

Leo: *talking to literally nobody* hey guys!! gonna go get my top surgery! *shows up at claires*

-

Reyna: I only wanna die sometimes and that's normal right

RIGHT

-

Will: *playing guitar* haha look guys I'm fingering A minor *strums violently*

-

Jason: screw men *eyes widen* I should start taking my own advice ngl

-

Will: *listening to a playlist that Nico made him* ugh my emo ass boyfriend and his stupid music I hate him *proceeds to write his name over and over again in diary with hearts around it*

-

Nico: what if I strangle someone with a pair of earbuds

Will: please don't

-

Leo: *in demonic voice* LeAf *eats it*

-

Nico: *pulls gay flag out of pocket* omg it's u

Will: *shuffles around in pocket, finds condom* ... it's u, vanilla flavoured

-

Leo: my name's Leo

Percy: and I like jugs

Nico: I'm mentally ill

Leo: and I'm on drugs :D

-

Jason: is there anything better than pussy

Piper: I thought you where gay

Jason:

Jason: my boyfriend's trans?

-

Will: the temptation to fuck an emo boy rn is killing me

-

Leo: the masculine urge to

Leo:

Leo: I forgor

-

Will: that's good!

Nico: like me in bed

*silence*

-

Leo: smash or pass Ryan Gosling

Nico: SMASH

Will: PASS

Solangelo: *glares at each other*

-

Nico: omg stop with that song

Will: but

Will: but you can take me hot to go :(

-

Annabeth: yeah

Percy: yeah

Annabeth: *in funny voice* yeah

Percy *hentai moan* yEEEAAAaaH

-

Leo: *pointing at Nico* EEEEEEWWWW AN EMOOOOOO EWWW

-

Jason: never ever look up what an eyesha erotica lyric means

Reyna:

Reyna: oh you poor soul *pats back*

-

Nico: I can't breathe

Will: just

Will: breathe air

Nico: I breathe drugs

-

Piper: I'm gonna go play basketball

Leo: haha play with my balls

Jason: already do

Leo: *chokes on air*

well that's all sorry for the torture, thanks to @localcosplaymushroom, @crowwolf8, @justagremlinoncaffeine, and @secret-mewtwo for all of the funny convos that went into this