#yeah it's actually psoriasis

[ayakashibackstreet]

I can't believe I got cursed and I have to pay over 100PLN to get the curse lifted smh

[that-gothic-glitterball]

I got bored just now doing my devising log (or more accurately. This bit got too hard. And I got distracted) and took an adhd test. Idk if it’s an accurate one or not but yeah

[sketchdeath22]

Out of context Umbrella Academy reactions/things I wrote down but for episodes 3 and 4 of season 4

(Spoilers ahead):

-Big ass squid

-GO KLAUS GO!

-Girl, Ray did not walk out.

-Just sayin'

-young man

-Little Greek guy with the mustache (I need to yap abt how funny this could have been if they weren't actually together)

-Guys... the communication is not communicating.

-Mm, yep that magic psoriasis.

-Truman show'd

-Get everyone in this show therapy. PleeeaaSsse.

-Llama tits

-I LOVE VIKTOR!!!

-JEEASSUUSS HES FRESHLY 18 STOP

-*sigh* Klaus dearest...

-JUST TALK ABOUT IT

-Thanks for being the voice of reason Claire

-KLAUS

-Poor Claire

-Diego clue hunting again

-why do I always wear suits...?

-Harpooned by yourself

-At least they remembered some of the symptoms of being around yourself

-Shoot the bald guy...?

-Stranger Things ahh glow

-I don't even question the squid, it's UA, weirder things have happened.

-YES VIKTOR STAND UP TO HIM SAY YOUR PIECE

-Mom?

-This looks like my aunts place.

-cute scarf! And another comic reference?!? Is he gonna float all the time now?!?!

-Kill me right now!

-Freaky little man

-Dancer!

-ooh she's good.

-Klaus what have you done now...

-Yeah, how did he die, dear Luther?

-Those snacks look pretty good

-Doc Ock ahh Ben

-Average Appalachian activities

-Meow Wolf room

-Come on Lila!

-monke

-Why couldn't she rumor him to just, be sober, like, gang.

-Hey! I think the comic had a ship similar to that! (Rereading this and I'd like to clarify an airship not relationship)

-FOOL YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO OPEN THE BOX!

-shot on site

-Get it Viktor!

-Klaus, my little boy (gn)

-This is an interesting parallel to the comic (sorry I'm yapping about it but I do quite like seeing it)

-Oh dear...

-Deigo is literally ripped. what?

-Babysit them

-Luther and Deigo bonding and being very cringefail I think its great

-Why is the teenager the only person who thinks

-MONEY MONEY MONEY NO NO!

-Musical number

-Don't.

-Oh dear ×2

-You're hurting Klaus! >:[

-Luther and Deigo share a brain cell

-Delores

-Great, Five and Lila are causing time line issues.

-Leave her.

-How we gonna ruin it

-NO YOU'RE GONNA GIVE HIM WAR FLASHBACKS

-NO NO NO NOT BURIED ALIVE PLEASE OH MY GOD

-YuCK UGH BLEH STOP

[3liza]

Saw your post asking about insulin resistance without high blood sugar, and yeah I have experience with that exact thing. Everyone in my family has some sort of awful blood sugar issues, but despite having something clearly wrong with me my glucose tests and a1c's were coming back thoroughly normal. I got lucky with a decent doctor and she ordered an insulin test (usually more accurate with fasting I believe, but the result was rather high anyways) and she noted that it was high and told me to try out a diabetes diet to see if it helped.

I'm on a strict low-glycemic index diet now and it's really improved my health, mostly my mental health, but my skin has been upgraded from "abysmal" to a firm "mediocre."

Do I know what's wrong? No. Probably never will, but I'm feeling a lot better at least.

huh. thats useful info. im about to get a new doctor, i wonder if she'll be willing to entertain this sort of weirdness

edit: i just feel Bad and Sick if i eat a sufficient amount of sugar. systemic symptoms, skin gets worse, actual skin pathology like wounds not healing or eczema/psoriasis/fungus gets worse, migraines get triggered, pain flares, etc. not normal person "i ate too much sugar i feel temporarily sub-optimal" halloween candy coma, but i will get actually sick for a few days if i over-indulge. but i crave sugar constantly, which doesnt really mean anything, lots of people crave sugar because It Tastes Good so its not exactly diagnostic. sometimes the sugar cravings seem uncontrollable, like "i need to get out of bed where i am trying to sleep and eat something sweet or i cant think about aything else" kind of stuff. my parents do this same dance with carbohydrates and sugar, they feel awful, eat a cookie, feel awful, recover, say stuff like "oh i shouldnt eat the cookie", and it cycles. some of it is eating disorder crap, which is real hard to differentiate from other issues. some of it is being underweight/underfed from gastroparesis (which I have, pretty badly) which means certain circumstances of calorie shortages, bad digestion, whatever, can align perfectly to trigger I Am Starving I Need to Overeat Right Now Or I'll Die programming in the ape brain, and again, thats real hard to separate from blood sugar symptoms and eating disorder symptoms because they all get tied up together.

however, if i manage to grocery shop in the correct way to provide myself with ample available appropriate food, and i can eat ketogenic or nearly-ketogenic with focuses on dairy fat and just regular animal meat and fresh veg, with minimal or no grains, starches, and sugars, i feel like 60% better on all axes. my dad, too, eventually, after he got diagnosed, was instructed to stop eating most carbs etc and immediately lost all the extra weight he was uncomfortable with his whole life, and immediately got less chronically crappy-feeling. so there's something going on, i just dont know if its medical or genetic or what. some people just dont do well with a lot of grains and theres no particular medical reason.

[weirdbrainweirdbody]

Why I hate how dandruff is presented

You've all seen the jokes- old man with dandruff, shaking his head and a cloud of snow falls down, dandruff just being there for a laugh... It's never treated as anything serious, ever. It's just a joke! And just a joke about old men at that.

I'm 17 years old. I've had dandruff since I was at least 11. I've been made fun of all that time for the white flakes that are a constant on my head.

I just saw dandruff as a joke, too.

At most, it was just my scalp being a bit dry, so it needed a moisturising shampoo.

Yeah.... Turns out I have scalp psoriasis. I'm in near constant pain, which gets worse whenever I'm ill or stressed, because psoriasis is an autoimmune disease. My immune system is attacking my own skin. It's gotten to the point where shampoo doesn't help. I'm just in pain, always. I'll have a doctor's appointment where we can discuss options soon hopefully.

It's painful enough that I end up with scabbing all over my scalp from scratching. I pull my hands away and my nails are bloody from repeatedly picking and itching the scabs.

So no, not just a funny joke.

When I mentioned how painful it was to my friend, (only referring to it as dandruff rather than psoriasis) he said "I didn't realise dandruff could be painful!". In fact, several conditions that can cause dandruff have the fact that they're itchy or sore in their their symptoms list- eczema, dermatitis, and of course psoriasis.

And yet people just see dandruff as a joke. Even now, I feel anxious writing this- I feel like someone's gonna read this and think 'why are they getting so serious about dandruff? Lighten up!'

Sure, for some people it's not painful. Just flaky. But even then, they can experience the same social issues I did- I still remember a pair of kids seeing my large white skin flakes on my dark hair and exclaiming that I had nits (lice for Americans), and running away shouting at me. I hate that it's treated as a joke, or stigmatised, and seen as just an old man thing.

It's an actually serious issue for so many people. Why isn't it treated as such?

[lilacs-world]

I feel like I’m chronically not okay but idk if I’m valid enough to label myself as chronically ill. I am able to work 40h a week but with the cost of laying in bed the rest of the day when I’m back home. In the weekends I sleep mostly. My room is a disaster because I never have the energy to tackle the chaos. I wished I was able to walk to work and back but standing for more than 15 min is already exhausting me and I get dizzy and lightheaded. I am constantly in pain, my normal pain level is on good days at a 2 on bad days it’s at a 4 or 5 but maybe I’m too modest about my pain due to fear of admitting I’m not okay. I am always tired even if I sleep usually enough. At times I feel more refreshed with only 4 hours of sleep hell knows why. I am waking up daily at 5:45am to get myself ready for 8am work. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be a functioning adult. I am scared of the moment I will unmask bcs im masking daily due to Audhd. Plus daily I’m confused because we are often switching and my quality at work at times fluctuating and my TLs wondering wtf bcs we know u know all the processes so wtf. Daily I feel like I know only a specific part of the processes and I have days where I ask so many questions that one of the TLs told me they are growing gray hairs bcs of me asking so much. The doctors in my country are shit when I mentioned suspecting we are a system they said nah it’s just ur anxiety. When I questioned if I have adhd my former psych said nah only kids can have it. My former therapist said yeah after unofficially diagnosing me with it. Autism I suspect that too and I got my confirmation more or less from my bf who’s on the spectrum as well. He got his confirmation he has adhd as well by me noticing lots of adhd things in him and he has now meds whilst me is in this godforsaken country that isn’t taking me seriously. I got my confirmation I have adhd when I took speed and realised for the first time "so this is how neurotypicals experience their life?" I for once had a train of thoughts in order and not a carambolage of luggage’s getting stuck in the baggage claim belt. I sobbed so hard. On good days I am able to remember and memorise lots of shit. But on bad days I barely anything. My body is out of control. I have pcos and it’s ravaging my body. I grow hair on my chin and arms and it’s making me uncomfortable and I developed anxiety about having hair in my face to the point over pluck and over shave it. My period is out of control. I either bleed for 2 months consecutive or I don’t have my period for 6 months. I am anemic due to it. I am such a pale human that I’m constantly being asked if I am okay. Oh yeah not to forget having an autoimmune disease since I am 2 years old. Having to deal with psoriasis break outs each winter where I end up being covered on my legs, arms , ass with skin patches of psoriasis. At times it’s even in my eyebrows and on my scalp. Each winter is a torture for me. I am battling with depression as well. Luckily this last year it wasn’t so overbearing and I felt more human than I used to in the past. Nonetheless my anxiety is ravaging and leaving me crippled daily. I sound ridiculous talking about myself rn bcs in my brain I feel like you aren’t this sick or unwell you are faking this you are a horrible human for saying all this things but I know it’s probably my internal ableism and the internal critical subconsciously developed voices of my surroundings telling me I’m not actually sick and I need to go to work even if sick etc. Sigh. Idk where I wanted to go with this whole post. I know you guys don’t see often a personal post from me or posts from me and more reblogs of stuff I enjoy seeing and stuff I wanna boost and stuff I find important or relatable or stuff that I think might make someone feel better and less anxious or feel seen. I hope this is fine. I hope being more real is helpful. Maybe I should do this rambling on my other blog @unfilteredrealities where I tried to talk about life in a real way , unfiltered. You can even send in your own submissions if u want to.

Anyway thanks for reading my ted talk.

TLDR: I don’t know if I’m actually chronically ill and if I’m valid enough to label myself as that and then I rambled about my life experiences with audhd, did, anxiety, depression, pcos, psoriasis and there are more but I’m exhausted.

[jadedaceofspades]

This is just a tidbit of TMI, but I feel comfortable enough with sharing

This is in reference to the doctor post I reblogged, and like, here's the thing: I KNOW that there are doctors out there with compassion. I know. I lost mine. The other two in the practice are kind, but they are just not the same. So now... I have to look for another GP. I have to look for another GP that will not cost me an arm and a leg for a less than 10 minute visit and I have to find a GP who will not attribute everything wrong with me to my weight.

Yes, I am obese, morbidly so. Yes, I know that losing weight will solve some of my problems. But here's the catch: I have illnesses that have nothing to do with my weight.

I have psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis {both are auto-immune disorders}, so, like... I have a chronic pain condition. It sucks.

I have a gene {so, it's in my fucking DNA} for "uncontrollable asthma", meaning that whether I was fat or skinny, my lungs were fucked. Even if I got a lung transplant, if I needed it, it would be useless because my DNA is skewed.

I have the gene for celiac disease, meaning I am at risk for developing it, so... I have to watch what I eat. Most stuff I eat is naturally gluten free, so... yeah.

I also have IBS-M, so, like with the celiac gene, I watch what I eat and I basically try to eat the same thing, or at least similar foods, all the time.

I have hormonal imbalances that actively affect my psyche. I'm on the Depo shot to smooth that over. Also, I don't want children, but I'm not a candidate for the surgery BECAUSE of my weight, and also, the word surgery scares the hell out of me anyway. If I don't actually need it, I avoid it.

Going along with the surgery situation, I cannot tell you how many times I have been "recommended" for the gastric sleeve or another bariatric surgery. Just know, I am a recovering addict from pain medication. It was a mild addiction, but it was an addiction nonetheless. So, no. I'm not putting myself through that much pain to destroy my body even further.

I have moderate-severe hypochondria, so if I'm coming to you, a doctor, in a panic, you telling me that it is all in my head is not helping. I know I'm thinking too deeply; I'm paying you, the doctor, to figure out if it's real or not. This is why you get the big bucks.

It's more than just "you need to lose weight" for me. So you can just maybe empathize with me when I say "No, it's not, actually. It's more. Figure it the fuck out and HELP ME."

[rianafying]

i want to stop constantly psychoanalysing myself and everyone around me. it does nothing. actually not true it helps me understand myself and the world i live in. but at what cost. at some point it feels like im forcing sense into something random.

unrelated but i also feel like im not good enough or special enough to get a pass for all the ways my mental health makes me fail. like if i were incredibly good at something maybe that would be a valid excuse for being bad at deadlines. like people would think oh she’s just a crazy troubled artist vibes. yknow. the madness would be celebrated, whereas if i’m normal, which i am, my failures are simply just that, failures. and i am just not competent enough.

it’s 11:11 right now and i’m this close to crying. i feel extremely exhausted, probably because of my psoriasis. but yeah so physically not doing great today and i’ve got a photoshoot later. and i’m just not feeling good at all. should i even take snacks? how should i take snacks? i don’t even have those containers cause i used them to give food to people. and im just so fatigued. i don’t wanna get out of bed, i can’t even stand up for too long. it’s not fair. also my mood and everything might have a little something to do with pms maybe. i always forget the exact date im supposed to be on my periods. either way im about to have a mental breakdown or an anxiety attack. but most likely just a breakdown. i just wanna go back to sleep. i need to take a shower. and prep snacks and makeup and what not. and i have to pack my bags and load up my stuff. and borrow the projector. maybe. what would i even do with the projector? idk. nevermind. i feel like im gonna bring in a model and for what? just to shoot one dress and that too for a vague brief? like the plan isn’t even solid at all.

nvm guys i just finished the shoot and it was phenomenal. my bad.

[little-klng]

hi random person visiting thru one of ur posts. i also have evil hell dandruff and i found coal tar shampoo is basically perfect for helping to keep down the flaking :) unfortunately the itching wont go all the way away tho :(

Oh yeah for sure, I actually have like 6 bars of coal tar soap, plus coal tar shampoo, plus Neutrogena acid free face wash (it has salicylic acid), plus normal shower stuff. I am in itch and drift hell. Basically the only time I don't itch is straight after a shower, but if I just tousle my hair a little bit it's a snow drift and feels Terrible

(For those unaware, salicylic acid is a skin product that helps dead skin strip off easier and acts like a mild antibacterial, usually used for acne or, if you watch hoof gp videos, the powdered form is used to allow dead skin to separate and keep exposed live skin from getting infected. In the case of dandruff, all it does is help make the top layer of dandruff easier to remove. Coal tar extract and coal tar, however, actually inhibits skin growth specifically, preventing dandruff and such caused by shedding excess overgrown skin like in psoriasis. Another option for who's issue is eczema instead of psoriasis and normal causes is products containing Colloidal Oatmeal, since eczema involves try skin that cracks and needs moisturizing and soothing, rather than scales of dead skin that are easily peelable. Usually dandruff shampoos have neither, such as head and shoulders which has pyrithione zinc in normal products, and usually selenium sulfide in stronger products aimed at fungal issues that cause dandruff. If you suffer from untreatable dandruff, explore your options on potential causes, and try different active chemicals that attack different sources of the issue)

[THIS POST MADE BY FLAKY SCALP GANG. DO NOT REBLOG IF THE IDEA OF A FLAKY DRY SCALP IS GROSS OR MAKES YOU WANT TO LEAVE A NASTY COMMENT. CURSE OF BAD SCALP UPON YE]

[prismatic-starstuff]

vent post about medical stuff, do feel free to skip over this one

so i have psoriasis. pretty considerable psoriasis; it's on A Lot of me. and that gets me down, because i know how some people can be about skin conditions, even when they're not contagious (not that it should matter, people deserve to be treated like people regardless, but. still. i know how people can be.)

but in the back of my mind, there's been a little. shadow, i guess. just a tiny little voice whispering 'psoriatic arthritis' now and again. which i tried not to think about a lot, because it's not a guarantee that everyone with psoriasis will get it.

but, uh. i had an agitated eye the other day and didn't really know why, wondered if it could be psoriasis-related because i have a patch really close to the area that felt agitated, so i looked it up.

turns out psoriatic arthritis can come with sporadic eye pains. and recurring conjunctivitis, which comes by now and then whenever it feels like it. stiffness, but i'm not sure if that's due to weight or inactivity or what, i am overweight for my height and very sedentary so who knows. changes in fingernails, though that can be attributed to the psoriasis itself.

apparently psoriatic arthritis can happen at any age, usually after someone's had psoriasis for years (which i have) but— apparently it's most likely to really hit around 30 to 40.

i just turned 26, and the conjunctivitis has been an on and off thing for like a year or two. so... i don't know. i'd need to speak to a doctor to know for certain; which i'm fucking dreading, because trying to get a hold of a doctor about anything is like pulling teeth, and my local practice is pretty fucking useless about this stuff. (they had me on a wild goose chase when i was like 18 because they misdiagnosed me with ringworm, and i was the one who had to do my own research and be like 'hey i think i have psoriasis,' and i was the one who had to straight up say 'hey i want a referral to a dermatologist to talk about treatment options' and chase that up because no doctor ever did it despite the fact it's the obvious fucking thing to do.)

so... it's a scary thought. if i'm already showing certain signs at 26, and have been for a few years, and it typically really kicks in around 30, then— yeah, i'm worried.

and i know there's ways to treat things and stop them from getting as bad as they could be and manage them. ...when you can actually get a hold of medical professionals, anyway.

but it's all so fucking much, and i'm tired and i'm upset and i'm worried. psoriasis is a fucking nightmare and it's so much worse than just a skin condition because it's literally a thing where you can't so much as accidentally scratch yourself without your body deciding to fuck itself up to overcompensate for the 'injury.' it makes me miserable because it's the kind of thing that people stare at; i could wear shorts in summer, sure, but only if i didn't mind people staring and grimacing and saying 'oh but isn't it sore? it looks sore.' (it's not, by the way. it's just itchy.)

and as if all the self-image shit from that isn't enough (bearing in mind it's on my face as well so it's not exactly easy to hide) now it looks like there's a very good chance it might fuck up my joints one day too.

...i don't have a poetic or satisfying way to end this post. i don't even have a point for making it. i've been fucked up since eight in the morning about this and no matter what i do i can't cheer up because that voice whispering 'psoriatic arthritis' is louder than ever and i hate my body and my body hates me, apparently.

that's all. if you made it through all this, thanks. ♡

[caintooth]

Just realized I’ve never actually shared the text from my top surgery fundraiser here, so:

Hi, my name is Ez Charlie Tadgh. (Mostly Charlie these days, but a lot of you still know me as Ez, which is fine, too!)

I’m writing today to ask for help in affording gender affirming top surgery.

To tell you a bit more about me: I’m a recent college graduate, a queer and autistic poet, an aspiring silversmith, hobbyist photographer, and an amateur chainmail weaver. In my free time I also enjoy playing video games and watching / talking about films. I'm currently raising a leopard gecko (her name is Poppy) and taking metalworking classes when life allows. My professional life is in the sex industry, as I am a customer service and sales representative for an online adult toy store.

Deciding to make this fundraiser has been a long time coming. Finally typing out the words feels surreal… For most of my life, even before having a name for my dysphoria, I’ve concealed the shape of my body in purposely ill-fitting shirts, and worn zip-up jackets even in dangerously hot weather to disguise the shape of my chest. I've spent years purposely manipulating my posture, intentionally hunching my shoulders to make my chest appear smaller. I've avoided hugs, kept my arms crossed over my front, practiced the exact way to stand in photos, all to try and make my chest seem flatter. Even wearing a binder has offered little relief- the compression of the traditional style does not agree with my asthma, and though TransTape allows me to breathe better (it feels like a literal weight off my shoulders!) it very easily triggers my sensory issues, and sometimes makes my psoriasis flair up under my breasts.

These practices aren't sustainable. They're damaging both my mental and physical health... This body IS the house I will live in for the rest of my life, y'know? I can't keep boarding up the walls, I can't keep fantasizing about moving. I need to make real renovations, so it can stop being just a place I live, and instead truly become my HOME.

So, yeah. I am finally at the point where I know I can't do this on my own anymore. Every day the need for this procedure becomes more clear and urgent in my mind.

Trans healthcare in this country is notoriously inaccessible, confusing, and expensive. I'm lucky to live within driving distance of Dr. Hope Sherie in Charlotte, NC, a surgeon who I have seen nothing but good reviews about, and who has been recommended to me by more than one trusted friend. However, my insurance will not cover this procedure, and I am regularly seeing $10,000 quoted as the amount for top surgery at Dr. Sherie's office. I have some money saved up towards that amount already, but it is only a small piece of the complete financial puzzle.

I have my first consultation with Dr. Sherie on May 1st, and plan to post an update with exact figures after that meeting. I have already paid $100 as deposit for this consultation, and will need to pay a non-refundable fee of $1,000 to reserve my surgery date, on the day it is selected. I will have to pay the rest of the surgery cost 3 weeks before the date of the surgery. (Should I need to reschedule during that final 3 weeks, I will have to pay a second, also non-refundable $1,000 deposit.) This is not even including the cost for any prescription medications, lab fees, post-op care materials, or other surgery-necessitated garments and binders for this procedure. Should I need any revisions after the initial procedure, the minimum fee would be $1,000.

I also need to consider the fact that I will have to take some time off of work for the surgery itself and the recovery period, thus losing at minimum 2 weeks pay (that's a full paycheck for me) and will need to buy extra food and health supplies for that period.

I don't want this surgery to feel like some sort of hardship I'm having to go through. I want it to be safe, I want to feel secure during this process, I want to know I'm not going to be stressed the entire time. That's what all of this is about, anyway:

Trying to achieve a state of comfort.

Anything you can do to help me towards this goal will receive my eternal gratitude and respect. I am constantly in awe of our community, and the level of support we can provide for one another. I feel grateful for even having the chance to ask for this sort of help. Thank you. I love y'all.

[marthtron]

So i was gonna reply to the post but i feel like sending an ask would be better so i can make it more readable

Anyways i don't have it officially diagnosed even though I've been tk MULTIPLE doctors because they ALWAYS say it looks like psoriasis (I FUCKING KNOW !!! 😭😭😭) and give me a shitty cream which usually makes it red and makes it hurt and shit so i stop using it OR last time i got a cream which actually worked for a month but then i saw it coming back

Uh now it's worse than before the fucking cream how amazing ks that

So rn its absolutely awful and my mom said that apparently chronic illnesses get worse while seasons are switching??? I guess I'll believe that but yeah sometimes it's bad, sometimes it isn't, sometimes the skin around my eyes cracks and i het wounds, sometimes the back of my neck is in pain and it gets red and stuff

Tje fact that i have like the rarest possible thing ever too 😭😭

- i got it before the age of 10 (extremely fucking rare)

- around the eyes and at the back of the neck (usually it's on the elbows from what i know)

I've tried diets (usually cheated because i was a little kid and ate shit that i wasn't supposed to) like a non-dairy diet and some time ago i discovered the psoriasis diet that apparently helps it be under control

That fuckinf diet is god awful I don't want to try it i can barely eat shit i would rather bleed out of my neck (thankfully doesn't happen) than be on that diet

One doctor offered me to get a biopsy when it was still only around my eye (they told me to come back when it's at the back of my neck which is really strange jow would they know that it would spread to there???)

Anuways i have lost all hope 💖💖💖

do not lose all hope! that’s terrible that the doctor’s advice is not helping. i would try and give you some advice but it would be inexpert advice and definitely not help! if you get a biopsy, will that tell the doctor if you have the condition? sorry if this is a stupid question! i am sorry that no doctor’s advice has helped

[mushroom-ooooooooooooooo]

This is like...sooo tmi so if you see me on a daily basis like,,,irl. Like at school. Pls dont read this.

Cw: weird mental health stuff/ me talking about low motivation

So basically its the time of year where my body just shuts down. My bones feel like lead, it takes forever for me to get out of bed, and I just generally feel like crap. I love winter but the physical toll its taking on me this year is actually driving me wild. I woke up this morning and genuinely couldn't move my arm for 10 minutes because my bones just feel so heavy. And my joints are getting worse too. I can hear my ankles and knees popping every single time I walk, but especially when I walk upstairs. And most of my classes are upstairs at school. And my immune system also gets weaker, and because of that my psoriasis gets worse. I literally just go to school and then rest.

And thats a problem because my parents both have a physical disability. So all the chores go onto me. But guess who can't do them because I'm fucking depressed and in physically pain constantly? Me. My back constantly seizes up and i literally needed my dads help throwing taking the trash out the other day. I can barely stand long enough to do a "simple" load of dishes. (Simple meaning one for the deep clean we do of our kitchen every 3 months. Its gross. I wish they would rinse their dishes out.)

And all of this is affecting my mental health really badly. This probably sounds gross but I'm just now taking a shower. Its been 3 weeks. And I know its not their fault, but one of my friends made an off-handed comment one day and that made me feel a million times worse. And I've been really snappy lately and I feel so bad about it constantly. And my mom and I think I was misdiagnosed with ptsd because I dont exhibit any symptoms and honestly never did. Autism and ptsd share symptoms and I just dont think I have ptsd from whats happened in my past. And my brother also thinks he may be autistic. Autism also runs in our family, so...yeah.

I also feel like shit because I haven't been taking as good care of our cats as I should be. I love them and want to see them happy, but my parents also refuse to help clean their litter boxes. And thats the big thing I struggle with. And one of our cats has been doing their business on the floor. No matter how many times we clean it up,she still does it. And its really irritating, but i also think she just...cant get into the box. She's like...12-13 and I've been trying to get my parents to buy better things for the cats. We have 4. And we dont even have a cat tree for them. And my cats love climbing. They would have so much fun crawling on a cat tree. And I cant do anything about it because im a highschool student who cant even get a job. I don't even have my drivers learners permit yet.

And that's another thing!! I honestly think my parents are done parenting. My brother went off to college, and everything fell onto me. And like I understand that my parents work hard and that they're older (mom is 54 almost 55 and dad is 52 almost 53) and they need to rest but god damn. Im still a child. Most people arent the sole cleaner, cooker, and pet caretaker. Most people my age don't make grocery lists for their parents. Most kids my age focus on their part-time jobs and school. They actually did stuff before my brother went to college. I just want them to understand how I feel about it. I like cooking and I dont mind cleaning, but it becomes a problem when im the only one doing it. And yeah, I get $50 in allowance every month, and I'm grateful that my parents are able to afford to give me that much, but my mom always pulls the "we give you allowance for chores,". Chores is things like un/loading the dishwasher, taking the trash out, cleaning litter boxes, making bed, ect. Not cleaning the entire trainwreck of a kitchen by yourself and trying to make sure the floor is clean before your friend comes over for the first time in months. They're not parenting anymore, and it makes me upset. I feel like im just a random person in their house. Genuinely, my mom spends more times working on her acrylic nails than actually parenting. And she wonders why I get so irritated with her. She says hi to the cat before she does me.

And I don't even know if my dad likes me anymore. I think im just another financial burden to them. Im just a depressed high schooler with chronic illness who can't even go to school everyday. I feel so useless. I dont even know if I want to go to college. I don't even know how I have friends. I'm not a nice person. I get mean and defensive really easily, and my teasing turns mean really quickly.

I don't know why I am this way. Am I cursed? Is someone even reading this? All I do is shut people out and listen to music. I don't know why I became so rude. I just want to be remembered. But at the same time, I don't think I'm worth remembering. I'm not exceptional at anything. Even my once okayish writing has gone down greatly. I used to get praise for my reading skills and now I can't even read a 300 page book.

I feel so gross and useless and im depressed. How worse can it get? Im also extremely paranoid. I constantly feel like people are judging my every move. Even when im alone in the shower. I still feel people watching me. I should've probably told my therapist about that when I was still in therapy but my dumbass didn't even think to talk about that. Just that oh i saw my friend. Oh i started public school again. You know what? No one cares. And I probably wasted my therapists time. And my dads. Having to drive me across houston just to see her. No wonder no one likes me. Im fucking irritating. Thats why I have 3 friends at school. And 3 friends out of school. And one of them doesn't talk to me anymore, and another lives out of city.

The other is wonderful and amazing and I want them to constantly be happy and comfortable but I cant do that at my house because my parents don't help. Im starting to realize im kind of like a live in cleaner. Thats all I ever do in my freetime. Cleaning up after my parents. My mom acts like shes 15 and my dad doesn't rinse his dishes.

Thats another thing. Along with them not really parenting anymore, I think they've given up on me. Specifically on trying to get me to school. I miss school about once a week to once every couple weeks because I have bad flare ups. As I'm typing this, I can feel my legs aching. It hurts. And it makes it hard for me to go to school like that. The last time I did my back starting seizing during UIL rehearsals. And I couldn't leave. But today was one of those days and I genuinely felt like crap. My dad just agreed and didn't argue. Normally he argues with me about it because "I need to suck it up and do what the rest of us do.". I understand that everyone hurts and has bad days, but I genuinely get so bad during those days. And everyday has been one of those days for the last 6 months. But my parents don't really discipline me. They don't track my every move. They dont even make grocery lists anymore. Or really go to the store often. But our fridge and pantry is filled with a bunch of junk. Leftovers, empty foods that need to be thrown away, and literally so much more.

My mom is also a hoarder and constantly buys new things for herself. Like with her nail stuff. Im glad shes got something going for her outside of work, but why does she need 50 different glitters? I guess one could argue that im the same way with paints, but I dont leave my paints all over the living room area. And she literally has so much clothing. And most of it is on her floor. Its almosy unwalkable and I constantly stumble in her room. And our garage is filled with mostly her stuff. Clothes, old books, even her teacher stuff. Why does she have so much??

It irritates me because she'll say she doesn't have money for something, such as a cat tree, but then buy like...$200 worth of clothes and makeup at walmart, when we could've bought groceries and a cat tree with that. She just...irritates me idk.

Anyways, yeah. I think this is long enough for now. Goodmorning, goodnight, good...whatever idfk. Remember to drink water and eat something.

[prettyhighforawhiteguyblog]

Google maps is making us so much stupider and less aware of the lay of the land or how to even drive to regular destinations.

On the other hand, thank god for google maps. can you imagine trying to use a yellow pages and rand mcnally to get to a popeyes for a spicy chicken sandwich in 2020?

The neighborhoods you would have to traverse?

All the awkward asking strangers on the street for directions.

Gives me a psoriasis outbreak just thinking about it.

I'd still have gone on that adventure. Several times. It was just that fucking good. And we needed it so.

I mean it was super delicious and a punch of real flavor and spice into our bland fast food landscape. And remember how everything in the whole fucking world felt so fucking bad then. Our families were tearing apart. Our country was tearing apart. Pandemic. Insurrection. (Barely thwarted. Like could they not see that shit coming a mile away? Everyone else did.) It was a little bright spot in our lives and collective society. A touchpoint in our darkness and fear and disconnections with loved ones to which we could all relate to and say, that shit was tha bomb! A universally shared almost universally positive experience except for some internet snobs.

And it was something to talk about that everyone liked. And probably had some interesting interracial intercultural interactions.

did you like that thing with the 'inter's? lol

That's right! You heard it. Popeyes brought the races together!

Next week on Ben Shapiro: Capitalism did that! Capitalism works! Cancel all that socialism nonsense. lol. but, yeah, capitalism actually did something truly positive and made a shit ton of money off of it. I wonder if it could be used for good instead of greed and evil.

I think capitalism is too dangerous to let live whenever it gets too big to handle by the people.

And capitalism is too big for us to handle now. Not with our present laws and police and prosecutors. All those laws focused on the weak and suffering, increasing their weakness and suffering tenfold. No laws of any real meaning on the rich save the bearest minimum of dont hurt nobody, which can be ignored.

The people will have to find ways to kill capitalism down to size.

[godtears]

I am just heatedly reminded that doctors have been neglecting me for so long that I had to do research myself and try and force them to test me for shit to get anywhere I am now. This is the first time a doctor went out of their own way to check something I didn't previously consider.

Me: I have x issue, here are my symptoms

Doctor: It's because you're fat

Me: Actually I might be pregnant

Doctor: I guess we can test you

Doctor: lol you were right I guess

Me: I have x issue, here are my symptoms

Doctor: It's because you're schizophrenic and crazy

Me: I think it's ADHD actually

Doctor: I doubt it but I guess you can go see a specialist...

Me: Hi yeah specialist says it's actually autism

Doctor: That can't be right idk

Me: I have x issue, here are my symptoms

Doctor: You obviously just don't know how to take care of yourself so you have dry ass skin lol

Me: Actually I think it's psoriasis

Doctor: We can check

Doctor: Oh shit yeah you're right

Me: I have x issue, and these are my symptoms, but honestly it's probably just cuz I'm fat, I can't think of why else I'd be like this tbh

Doctor: Yeah I'm like... 99% sure you have PCOS

Me: Well damn good job at being the only competent doctor I've ever met

[the-one-and-only-aroace]

Chicken actually seems like a pretty good choice for psoriasis, tbh.

But yeah, diet doesn't have much of an impact on skin for a lot of people. Some people do have specific foods that trigger skin issues, but otherwise, as long as you're drinking lots of water and eating a decently balanced diet, your diet probably isn't having much of an affect. Genetics are the main factor.

There’s no denying mine is because of genetics, since I remember my dad having it bad