#yes she and Bruce get married the next day at city hall

[petralynnluna]

Selena stalking the bats because well... Batcat reasons

Spots another stalker, much smaller with camera

Is interrupted by a rouge deciding to recreate Godzilla but in Gotham and without the monster.

Ends up scooping the small child up and bunkering down while the city goes to shit.

The smaller stalker is... A strange child. Very well mannered, very aware of how much of her space how much of her time he is taking up. Very apologetic about everything.

It takes longer than it should for her to remember that children typically have parents. And that while the kid was fine with her assuming he was a street kid he had a very expensive photography kit. And not nearly enough meat on his bones.

It takes just a little and then he's opening up, but not really he thinks he's trying to convince her to let him walk home alone. My parents think I'm very self sufficient, no of course I don't have a nanny I'm not a child he very much is a child, their in Egypt they don't keep up with the news, well I guess you would be interested in the jade cat l.

So he agrees to let her drive him home.

She makes a detour, tells him to play along. Introduces him as her son, to batman... Not that he's supposed to know Mr. Wayne is batman.

He doesn't break character, neither of his "parents" are blood type O... And doing a field blood transfusion... Is going to raise some questions.

[pl-panda]

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 6

MASTERLIST || First || Previous || Next

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Even if she tried to downgrade her reaction to learning that the class was held hostage, Marinette was still nervous. No amount of rationalizing that they were mean or that they didn’t care one bit about her helped. She just couldn’t help but worry about them.

Damian tried his best to understand her, but he really didn’t feel any empathy toward them. Idiots brought it upon themselves. He wouldn’t cry after them. Instead, he took it upon himself to distract his beloved from her stress. They were in the middle of the second Disney movie when she finally dozed off in his arms. Given his luck, that was the moment Selina decided to enter the room. 

“Oh. I’m sorry to interrupt.” She said with a face that clearly meant she wasn’t even a bit sorry. 

“Tt. You’re lucky Angel’s asleep.” He scoffed, making sure not to be too loud. 

“Angel huh? The best I ever got from Bruce was ‘Kitty’, and even that was only out of the suit. You’re moving fast.” 

“Shut up.” The scowl on his face was evident. 

“Why aren’t you roof-running with the rest of them?” She asked, dropping the teasing (for now).

“I told father I would no longer carry the mantle of Robin.” He revealed. It wasn’t much of a secret, but beyond Bruce, only Alfred knew. Their butler knew everything and then some more. 

“Whoa!” Seline looked genuinely surprised. “What brought this on? Don’t tell me you’re planning on settling down with a wife.” Her grin returned. 

“Tt. Will you people stop?”

“No. Now answer the question pip-squeak.”

“For the record, I’m almost your height now.” He sighed before taking a sneaky gaze at his wife. “Did Bruce tell you about Paris?”

“Not really.” She made a pensive face.

“Then I am honor-bound to withhold any more information.” 

She looked at him, trying to judge what it was really about, but Selina kept getting distracted by how cute the two teens looked. If she didn’t know, she would assume they were dating for at least two years, not barely a semester. There was this trust that Damian refused to show anyone else, maybe beside Dick sometimes. 

“Fine. But I hope when the time comes, you’ll speak to us.” She was about to leave, but something stopped her. “And if you want to avoid more teasing, try not to have your ‘beloved’ fall asleep in your arms where the cameras can see.” She smirked and left the teens alone. Damian groaned. He was really digging his own grave.

“Dami…” Marinette murmured. For a moment, he thought that he woke her up, but she just snuggled closer and returned to sleep. 

--------

A cloaked figure was making strides through the city, trying to keep to the shadows. The streets of Gotham were mostly empty at that hour, but those who still dwelled usually didn’t have good intentions. And even in a city where a group of people in fancy suits was more efficient than the police, someone in a full black cloak with a hood to boot would attract attention sooner or later. 

“Hey! Look at that, boys. Someone’s trying to play bat.” A group of burly men stepped their way. 

They received no answer.

“What? Bat’s got your tongue? What say you drop the costume and we can see who’s there,” the supposed leader taunted.

They received no answer.

“Oh come on! We can play too!” One of them smiled. He was more perceptive and noted that the figure’s body was not only small but slightly more curvaceous. “Come on, don’t be shy.” 

Still, no reaction.

Angered by the lack of any reaction (and slightly tipsy), one of the men tried to push the cloaked person. Their supposed victim reacted by stepping to the side. What happened next froze all of the onlookers’ blood. 

With one swift motion, the figure brought a blue weapon down on their companion and it went right through his neck. When she pulled it out, the fancy fan unfolded. From under the black hood, a blue face looked at the would-be attackers. It was definitely female, but it was impossible to make out the age.

“You’re not worthy to even lick my boots, peasant,” she sneered before looking at the others. “Neither are you.” 

She folded her fan and rushed forward. 

---------

The next day started mostly normal for Marinette. She did wake up curled into Damian’s side, which was nice. Her mother then showed her at least twenty pictures of them sleeping cuddled together, which was embarrassing. She promised to save them for when she was older, which was a dreadful image. Damian brought her coffee in the morning, which was great. He was so thoughtful.

“Mari? Mari? Sweetie?” Her mother waved her hand in front of the girl. “When you stop daydreaming about your lover-boy, can you pay attention?”

“Sorry, Maman.” 

“Don’t worry. I was once young too.” Her mother nodded understandingly. “But could you please pay attention? That goes to you too, young man.” She raised her head to send Damian a light glare. 

“I apologize for my lack of attention.” 

“Today the class is having a trip to the mall, to buy anything they did not bring with them. Caline forced this when it turned out that several girls had nothing to wear for the Gala, which they were apparently ‘not informed about’,” Sabine scoffed.

“Tt. They were. It was that Angel refused to give them free clothes,” Damian interluded. 

“I offered to make them the dresses. I even caved and offered a discount.” She grinned. “It’s not my fault all my prices are adjusted to my usual clients.” 

“And the fact that your usual clients are celebrities who deemed anything lower an insult to their persona is irrelevant,” Chloé added, walking into the room. She barely managed to get to the chair before collapsing. Whatever possessed her to ask Cassandra Cain for training?

“They didn’t!” Mari protested, but she didn’t put much heart into it. 

“Shush! I’m your agent now.” 

“I know Chlo. You don’t need to flaunt it.”

“You’re kidding? I’m the girl behind MDC. Suck it, mother!” She shouted at the ceiling, even though it was physically impossible for Audrey to hear her. 

“Tt. Moving back to the subject?”

“Oh! Don’t mind me now. I’m having fun.” Sabine smiled at the kids. “But yes, the class is going to be visiting the mall. In theory, you three should be joining them.”

“But?”

“But I would prefer if you kept your distance from them,” Sabine responded harshly. “I don’t want you mixing yourself with a bad crowd Sweetie.” 

“Got it, Mom. We will be visiting a smaller shopping district then. I need to fashion masks for all three of us.” 

“Won’t masks be provided at the gala?” The woman asked, surprised.

“Tt. Only for those who don’t bring theirs.” Damian clarified. 

“Good. One more thing.” She turned to the only boy in the room. “Damian, I trust you to keep both of them safe today. Otherwise, you will have three angry assassins on your neck for the rest of your short life.” She threatened, ignoring the exasperated expression on Mari’s face and Chloé who was checking her nails. 

“Three?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I told you that Sandra adores Marinette. And Cassandra shares our feelings toward her newest cousin.” 

It took all of Damian’s willpower to remain calm. The idea of Cass, Lady Shiva, and Sabine chasing him was terrifying. “Of course, Madame. I will guard them with all my strength.” 

“Then have fun kids! Tom promised to drop you off when he goes to the market and Bruce let him take one of the cars.”

“I’ll go pack up,” the two girls said at the same time. They giggled before running to their respective rooms. Damian just stared after them for a moment, shrugged, and left for his room  to get dressed. 

When he opened his wardrobe, a line full of ready sets consisting of black turtlenecks and dark-gray jeans, all already ironed and fresh. Together with the morning toilet, it took him a total of seventeen minutes and forty-three seconds to get ready. When he arrived in the main hall, he saw Tom sitting leisurely and reading through the newspaper.

“Tt. Sir, shouldn’t we be leaving?”

“Oh! Damian!” The baker lightened up. “Why would we need to be leaving? The girls left to get ready only a… fifteen minutes ago.” He looked like he was looking for another word, but changed his mind when he couldn’t find it. 

“Closer to twenty,” the boy couldn’t help but correct, “but it means they will be ready soon.” 

Tom laughed loudly. Damian sent the older man a questioning look, but he had to wait for him to calm down. “You never had to wait for a girl to get ready in the morning, did you?” Tom questioned once he calmed down.

“I do not see the relation…”

“Find yourself somewhere to sit. Most likely we won’t be leaving in at least an hour.” The baker cheerfully suggested. 

“But…” 

“It’s how the universe works and the sooner you get used to it, the better. A piece of advice: don’t rush them or it will get worse.” 

“Um… I still want to know why…” 

“Everyone does, but some questions don’t have answers.” Tom laughed. 

----------

“Damian! Look at that fabric! I’ve never seen it in stores before!” Marinette dragged her beloved toward the wall of various bales. She showed him yet another fabric, that he couldn’t really separate from three previous ones. Unless you count the color that is. 

“It is indeed interesting…” He tried to find the word, but Mari was too far gone to pay him any attention. When he used to listen to his brothers whining after shopping trips with the girls, he always dismissed it as fairy tales. Now, he regretted that he didn’t listen to Tom’s warning and hadn’t brought a wireless earset. The kind that only uses one ear so he could still hear what Marinette and Chloé talked about. 

“Mari! Look at that one!” The blonde in question pointed to one that was placed quite high. It was black and when reflected light, seemed to glow purple and dark-gold. Interesting, but it held little tactical value. 

“Perfect. Dami, could you reach it?”

“Sorry, Angel, you’re the one with wings here.” He said the first thing that came to his mind. 

His beloved blushed. Chloé just shook her head and muttered something about diabetes. 

After shopping for fabrics, a new sketchbook, several sets of sketching pencils, and some wires, Damian finally got them to go grab a bite. The whole way he kept skulking. Marinette had forbidden him from paying for any materials or clothes. He wanted to!

Of course, the moment their order was brought had to be the moment a villain made an entrance. Firefly zoomed into the calm street and immediately started to set things on fire. The girls immediately jumped into action, herding the panicking crowd and accelerating the evacuation. Damian took cover and sent a quick text to Oracle before joining Marinette and Chloé with crowd control. It was quite impressive to see the blonde grab the guy twice her size and force him to run the other way. Marinette focused on gathering as many stray kids as possible and guiding them away. There went his hope of not ending up like Father. 

It was going okay, the villain seemed more focused on making the buildings burn than attacking the defenseless civilians. Up until he flew over the entrance dropping napalm and cutting them off. Marinette immediately jumped between Firefly and the group of kids she was leading. Damian and Chloé were by her side faster than one could say ‘wedding dress’. 

“I told you Katana is a viable accessory.” He grumbled. That reminded Mari. He noticed that her red dress (his favorite) gained a broad red sash tightly wrapped around her. It had no noticeable clip holding it in place, so he assumed she just made some adjustments. Now he watched her unroll it to reveal her Christmas rope dart wrapped around her. She quickly grabbed the end and allowed it to fall loose on the ground.

“At least now we aren’t entirely defenseless.” She stated confidently. This was not Marinette the Parisian girl. This was Marinette the Ladybug, with or without a suit.

“And what do we have here?” Firefly floated not so far away. “A whole collection of new…” He didn’t get to finish. Marinette immediately attacked, hoping to attract his attention away from the kids. Damian cursed loudly. He wanted to leap into action, but he knew that Chloé stood no chance to protect the kids alone. 

The rope dart stuck Firefly in the arm, making a deep cut and letting some blood out, but the heat of his surrounding cauterized the wound. It didn’t seem to bother him. Instead, the villain aimed his flame gun at the girl who was already away from the group. 

“I will make you burn!” He shouted and opened fire. The girl he was aiming at used her rope to pull herself away faster and avoid the flames. 

In the distance, one could hear the sound of sirens, announcing the arrival of the police and fire department. They were still several minutes away and even then Firefly was probably too hard to capture without specialized gear. Or a rope dart. 

Marinette spun it several times in circles before releasing her weapon like a deadly projectile. Thanks to a quick flick of her wrist, the rope wrapped around the criminal’s ankle. He didn’t expect it, and when she yanked hard, he lost control over his jetpack for just a moment. It was enough for her to release the ties and gather the rope back. By the time Firefly managed to regain stability, she was already launching another projectile. This time, the dart flew straight and went right through his gun. There were several sparks, but as the rope was isolated she stood her ground. Yanking on the rope, she made him let go of the flame thrower before it exploded. The item fell on the ground and she pulled the now-free dart back while dodging for cover. 

Damian saw the gun sparking and without thinking picked the loose sewer cover and jumped in front of the kids. Chloé used a nearby trash can to form a wall between them while the lid served as her shield. The barricade would be useless if someone aimed at them, but it did a fine job shielding the group of eight kids from exploding a flamethrower. They had to drop their defense as soon as the explosion passed, and their hands still got hurt regardless. But they probably saved eight kids from heavy scarring. 

Firefly did not have the same luck. The explosion caught him in the middle and the knockback pinned him to the wall. When he got over the daze, he was met with several police guns aimed at him. 

-----------

Watching the reunion of kids caught in the fire with their parents was heartwarming for Marinette. She was proud of her husband and best friend. Their quick action definitely saved several lives. 

“Excuse me, miss?” A policeman in a long brown coat came to her. The paramedics already cleared her and one gave her the number of a trusted therapist if she needed to talk with someone. “Commissioner Gordon.” He introduced himself. “I was told you were the one that took down the villain…”

“It was an accident.” She spoke quickly. “I mean I didn’t try to take him down. He came over to where I was hiding with the kids. I thought he was about to burn us so I just acted on instincts. Get attention, move away from the group, keep attention, strike with everything at your disposal.” She recited. 

“That… Where did you learn that?” He stared at her. She was very young but spoke with the experience of someone who dealt with this on a daily basis. 

“Paris was dealing with a supervillain for the last four years. My class was a hotspot for his possessions.” She took a deep breath to calm down. “Even before the attacks started, I was taking martial arts classes. I upped the intensity after that.”

“Hm… I see. And your weapon…?” Commissioner asked, pointing at the rope dart now wrapped around her waist. She didn’t yet have time to put the sash back on. 

“Oh! Rope Darts are my weapon of choice. Easy to carry around, fast, good for non-lethal takedowns, and can be made into a fashionable accessory.” She smiled.

“Indeed. Even before that, you and your friends were herding the stray children and directing adults to the nearest exit.” 

“Same. I’m not sure how it works in Gotham, but in Paris, it was important to get people away from the ak… possessed person.” She corrected herself for the sake of not explaining everything. “Some of them tended to make civilians into puppets.”

“It was still brave of you. I didn’t get your name.”

“It’s Marinette, Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Nice to meet you, Commissioner.” She gave him a bright smile.

“Thank you for your service, Miss Dupain-Cheng.” He saluted the girl before walking away, muttering about reports. Now she only had to explain things to the adults at the Wayne Manor.

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Masterlist // Next

[chilling-in-the-dark]

The Batboys Growing Up as Yanderes Part 2: Dick Grayson

This is a yandere story; it mentions elements of obsession, passiveness, death, murder, attempted rape (Not by Dick but still Its there. I will Italicize this scene so that you can read around it if you need to.), birth control tampering, forced pregnancy(?), kidnapping, and physical abuse. If any of this is triggering for you, I understand, and you don’t have to read it.

As always, feedback is welcomed.

P.S I’m giving into temptation and posting this early, so enjoy this a day before it was scheduled.

Mrs. Wayne had been asking about having a child for over half a year, but Bruce was understandably nervous about the idea of fatherhood. Still, he’d also promised his wife that so long as she was good, she could have anything she’d ever want, and now she wanted a baby.

Once Bruce warmed up to the idea of having a kid, he and his wife found something out; Bruce wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or a curse, but his wife was infertile.

Bruce had taken Mrs. Wayne out to Haley’s circus, the same one they’d gone to every year growing up, to try and help her forget about her condition even if it was just for the night. Bruce sometimes wondered if the trapeze being sabotaged that night was fate because his wife had gotten the child she wanted after all.

Dick had thought he was normal for most of his life, that he didn’t have any of Bruce’s tendencies, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. Growing up in the circus, he’d never stayed in one place long enough to grow too attached to anyone outside of his family.

After coming to live with Bruce and his wife, Dick hadn’t met anyone he truly clicked with, sure he’d had friends in the superhero community, but none of them were people he could genuinely fall for, they were all too strong-willed.

When he was fourteen, Dick’s tendencies finely woke from their long slumber, because he’d at last seen someone who brought out the darkness in him.

When you transferred to Gotham Academy, you were one of the scholarship students. At first, you’d wanted to turn down the offer, because you’d been nervous about going to a school full of snobby rich kids. You Had heard the horror stories from other kids in your neighborhood who attended with the same scholarship, but you realized that this was your only opportunity to claw your way out of this godforsaken city.

You should have turned it down because you were going to meet a fate worse than the streets of Gotham, no, Dick Grayson was going to become obsessed with you, and there was no going back from that.

Dick thought you looked like a cute little mouse the way you shuffled about the school, trying your best to be invisible as you made your way through the halls, but that just made you more conspicuous.

The kids here walked with their chins held high and posture so stiff it looked like someone had replaced their spine with a steel pipe. They didn’t tuck their chins down and clutch their textbooks to their chests like a shield.

It started out slowly with dick watching you shuffle around the school, you were so painfully shy, he would have felt bad if it weren’t so cute. None of the other kids would mess with you, though, or really even talk to you because the glares Dick sent them could rival Batman’s.

At least that’s what Dick thought until he heard you scream,  he ran to the sound, and when he rounded the corner in the boy’s locker room, Dick found the worst slimeball in school trying to stuff his hand down your pants while his buddies pinned you to the ground. They’d stuffed a dirty gym sock in your mouth to prevent any more screams from leaving your throat.

As Dick watched tears well in your eyes he realized that for the first time in his life, he truly and completely wanted to kill someone, you were his, even if they didn’t know it yet, heck you didn’t know it yet, but you were, and no one was allowed to touch you. These boys were about to learn that the hard way.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Dick’s voice echoed menacingly around the locker room. You’d seen him around but had never had a conversation with him, then again, you could have said the same of the boys who held you down now.

“Only having some fun with the little scholarship bitch who doesn’t realize the only way she’ll be able to leave the gutter is by laying on her back. If you keep your mouth shut, I might even let you have a turn.” Dick punched him in the jaw, not even thinking about how he was going to cover this up, but you were his damn it, he wasn’t going to let anyone else touch you.

It was all he could do not to kill them then and there, but no, that would have to wait until nightfall when he could put all of the skills he learned from Batman to use. The next day three bodies would be found, with one of them missing a hand, but all of them nearly torn to shreds making identification impossible. Dick had been careful in making sure no one could track it back to him.

As much as Dick hated the idea of other guys touching you, at least one good thing had come out of it, in his opinion. You started clinging to him and following him around like your life depended on it. Also, you jumping whenever another guy came within five feet of you was a perk.

Determined to make the most of this, he started acting like your guardian angel, and of course, you fell for him, how could you not. Dick was sweet and charming, always respectful of your boundaries, or so you thought anyway. It wasn’t long before you started dating, and Dick couldn’t have been any happier, he’d even gone all old school and given you his class ring. Was mine the only school that had freshmen buy class rings? Sure, it was more of a way to mark you as his, but still, if someone didn’t know about Dick’s tendencies, it would’ve been sweet.

The next few years of your life passed quickly, and Dick kept up the act of the sweet boyfriend you thought he was. That is until the two of you were seventeen, and you’d let it slip that you wanted to go-to metropolis for college.

It had taken everything in him to bite back his temper. No, if he wanted you to stay around, he needed to play this smart; he couldn’t just take you, unlike with Mrs. Wayne, someone would notice if you went missing. So, Dick came up with a plan, one that would likely get you disowned by your family, and if he was lucky, keep you by his side forever.

All he had to do was tamper with your birth control, and if you think being on some kind of IUD or implant is going to keep you safe your wrong, Dick isn’t against drugging you to remove it and replace it with a fake. If you insist on him using condoms, well, it’s not too hard to poke holes in them.

It isn’t long before you come to Dick with tears in your eyes and tell him the words he’d anxiously been waiting to hear. “I’m pregnant,” Dick shoves down the sick surge of satisfaction that wells up in him when your voice cracks. Now wasn’t the time to let his cover slip, he had to play this right.

It was time to put all of those acting skills Bruce had him learn to use. He did his best to look nervous, he bit down on his lip for a second as if thinking what to say when really, he’s had this planned from the moment, he decided to get you pregnant. “It’s all going to be ok, sure we're a bit young, but Bruce was already married by the time he was our age, I’m sure we can figure this out.” Dick wrapped his arms around you before continuing. “I mean a baby isn’t the worst thing in the world, is it?”

“But what about college Dick, this could ruin our futures.” Dick brought you into a hug to conceal the satisfied gleam in his eyes, ruining your future had been a part of his plan.

He made gentle cooing noises as you sobbed into his shoulder, clutching him like your world depended on it. It had taken a bit of convincing, but you, being his submissive little mouse, had agreed to keep the baby.

Sometimes during the first trimester, when you were trying your best to hide the symptoms of early pregnancy and come up with excuses to cover for your frequent Doctors’ appointments, Dick felt the slightest tinge of guilt. He’d done this to you, you didn’t want it, he knew that, but he’d done it anyway.

That feeling was quickly replaced by the surge of possessive pride he felt when he remembered that it meant the baby was always going to tie the two of you together, your DNA and his intertwined for generations to come.

The oh my god, what have I done feeling stayed around a little longer the first time he heard the baby’s heartbeat, but then there was also amazement because there was really a little human growing inside of you. He was going to be a dad. He wanted a little boy with his hair and your eyes.

Before Dick knew it, you were twelve weeks along and starting to get a baby bump. You were freaking out while trying to figure out how to tell your folks. Dick knew that he’d have to stage telling Bruce to keep you from getting suspicious, but his mentor already knew, because A he’d helped Dick with his initial plan to get you pregnant and B, he was Batman.

When you’d finally gotten to the point where you couldn’t hide your pregnancy anymore, the two of you arranged a sit-down dinner in a popular restaurant with your parents and The Wayne’s both being in attendance. You’d been hoping they wouldn’t make a scene in public, boy had you been wrong.

Dick pulled you into his arms as your parents screamed at you about how you were destroying your life over a guy, one who’d probably leave you before the baby was even born. Then they gave you an ultimatum, get rid of it, or don’t come home. It was only a stern glare from Bruce that kept Dick from flying across the table.

Yes, this was all going according to plan, but that didn’t mean he wanted you to cry, only he was allowed to upset you, and even he drew the line at doing so while you were pregnant. When your parent’s shrieks turned toward Dick, how they’d never liked him, that they knew something was off with him and how they wouldn’t be surprised if he’d gotten you pregnant on purpose.

After that night, you had come to live at Wayne Manor with Dick, and he couldn’t be more ecstatic then the first morning he’d woke with you by his side where you belonged. At least that’s what he thought until he was holding his newborn daughter in his arms.

When the nurse handed her to him, all thoughts of wanting a son evacuated themselves from his mind because she was absolutely perfect. She had a full head of black hair, along with your mouth, Dick's nose, and his mother’s eyes, which had made him want to cry the first time she looked up at him. You’d named her Mary in honor of Dick's late mother.

You’d tried to leave Dick after you’d heard him talking to her about how he’d been so glad everything had gone as planned. Your mouth had gone dry when you realized your parents were right about him, he wasn’t a good man, no he was insane. Dick Grayson was no better than the Villains he fought.

So, one night when he’d gone out on patrol, you’d slipped and tried to pack for both yourself and your six-month-old because there was no way you were leaving Mary in the custody of this maniac. Just as you were about to pick her up and make a break for it, Dick came up behind you.

You felt his anger as it permeated the air, sending a chill up your spine, slowly you scooped Mary up and turned around to see your boyfriend standing there in his vigilante gear while looking at you like he was contemplating all of the horrible things he wanted to do to you. This was the first time you’d been truly afraid Dick might hurt you. You couldn’t believe you’d ever let him within five-hundred feet of you.

“Where do you think you’re going,” Dick's voice was colder than you’d ever heard it before, then again, you’d never tried to leave before either.

“I thought you were supposed to be on patrol?” You asked, trying and failing to divert the subject.

“I was,” Dick growled, “but Alfred called and said he saw you packing, so I rushed right home.” Dick ripped his mask off, throwing it across the room. You shouldn’t have been surprised Alfred was in on this. “I’m only going to ask you this nicely one more time, where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m leaving Dick,” Your voice was strained as you fought to keep from trembling.

“No,” Dick barked moving to stand closer to you

“I heard you talking to Mary the other day, and I’m not letting my daughter grow up with a father who thinks that it’s ok to impregnate his teenage girlfriend, because she wants to make a better life for herself.” Mary sensing your fear started letting out tiny whimpers, this brought her father’s attention to her for the first time since he’d entered the room.

“Put Mary down,” Dick ordered, not wanting his daughter to get hurt in the crossfire.

You’d tried to refuse, but Dick wasn’t having it, he’d forced your daughter from your arms, and while he’d been gentle with her, he didn’t offer you the same courtesy. He lay Mary in her crib, making soothing noises as he did so.

As soon as she was no longer in his arms, Dick’s rage returned to him as he grabbed you by the back of your neck and pulled you out of the room and down the halls, not caring one bit if he hurt you.

It wasn’t long before you were thrown into a room, you’d never seen before. Your upper body collided with the bed in a way that you were sure would leave bruises for weeks.

“Maybe some time by yourself will give you an opportunity to think about how good you’ve had it up until now.” With that last statement, Dick slammed and locked the door.

Tags

@yanderepeterparker​​​

@idkmanicantenglish​​​

@prettyafghan

Grow up as only

@neon-phosphorecsent​​

[prettyyoungandbored]

Becoming Mrs. Wayne [The Dark Knight] Four

Pairing: Christian Bale!Bruce Wayne x OC

Summary: Demetria Gallagher knew her cozy life would change the second she became engaged to Bruce Wayne. But what she doesn’t know is she’s getting more than what she agreed to. (I am trash at summaries.)

Warning: None

Taglist: @dragonballluver (Let me know if you want to be tagged in this!)

Previous

“27 down is ‘falafel.” 

Alfred looked up, shooting a glare at Demetria. Her lips curved into a childish grin. 

“The bloody hell is a falafel?” he asked, unamused at the word. 

“It’s a fried ball made up of chickpeas and beans. It’s actually delicious.” 

He shook his head. “You Americans and your fried food.” He returned his gaze back down to the Gotham City crossword. Demetria snuck another glance at the crosswords, looking for another one she knew right off the bat. 

“14 across is ‘David Cassidy.’” 

The old man shot her another dirty look. She shrugged her shoulders, desperately trying to hold in her laugh. “I’m sorry.” 

Across the yacht, Bruce shifted his attention from the newspaper he was reading and watched the two with an amused smile on his lips. None of the girls he ever brought home acknowledged Alfred (with the obvious exception of Rachel) and if they did it was to ask for something. Demetria had made an effort to get to know and befriend the old man, knowing how much Alfred meant to Bruce. Their friendship and playful banter was something Bruce could get used to for years and years to come. 

Demetria made eyes with Bruce and walked over to him, her white babydoll dress blowing with the wind. She pat his legs, motioning him to scooch over. He obliged and she curled up against him, propped up on his lap.

“You looked a little lonely over here,” she said. 

He smirked. “You pushed Alfred to his breaking point, didn’t you?”

“I forget how seriously that man takes his crossword puzzles.” 

The couple chuckled as Demetria played with Bruce’ slick back hair. The salty aroma filled her nose as the noise of waves crashing against the yacht filled her ears. 

“Feels so good out here,” she sighed. “Definitely one of your better ideas.”

“My better ideas? Since when did I ever have an idea that wasn’t good?”

“The one time you took me to that new restaurant and I got food poisoning.” 

He laughed, the memory coming back to him. She refused to let him see her in such a state, but he came over anyway to make sure she was hydrated and functioning. 

Needless to say, they never went back there and he owed her big time.

Bruce lifted the newspaper up and continued reading, Demetria reading along with him. 

“Anything interesting going on back home?” she asked. 

“Nothing but the usual mobster activity and an editorial piece about the overwhelming amount of Batman copycats.” 

She hummed. “I can’t help but wonder if Batman feels bad about the copycats.”

“I’m sure it gets annoying after awhile.”

“Do you think he feels responsible for them?”

There are times he wants to tell her he’s Batman, but he wants to keep her away from that part of him. He’s been successful so far, why bother bringing her into it now?

Then she changed the subject.

“What’s this?” She pointed at a section of the paper. “‘Witnesses say clown robbed downtown city bank?’”

Bruce took a quick glance at it. “Must be about that bank robbery downtown from yesterday.” He looked over at her to find a disgusted look on her face. “What?”

“I just...clowns...ugh.” She shivered. “Doesn’t sit well with me.”

“You’re afraid of clowns?”

“How could you not be? They’re creepy. Didn’t you ever see ‘It’ or ‘Poltergeist’?”

He chuckled. “They’re not that bad.”

“Well they scare the shit out of me.”

“So I should cancel the clown I hired for our wedding?”

She slapped his arm. “You’re an ass.”

Bruce set down the newspaper. “Speaking of the wedding, I was wondering if you had any ideas or preferences in terms of location?”

She shook her head. “Zero. You?”

He cleared his throat. “I was thinking Wayne Manor.”

Her eyes lit up, a huge smile slapped across her face. “I would love that!”

“Really?” He cocked his head back.

“Yeah! I mean the property is beautiful, plus it’s something that would be comfortable and simple for us.” 

“You’re sure you want to do it at Wayne Manor?” Bruce asked. 

She ran her fingers through his hair. “Babe, we could go to city hall and get it done and I would still be the happiest woman alive. I don’t care how we get married, I just want to be with you.”

While he never needed a reminder of why he loved her, it was times like these that did. He’d never come out and say it, but underneath the wealth and the vanity he used to mask an protect his true self, he valued the simple things that money could never buy. Demetria shared those same values. Both longed for a quiet and intimate life together which was more than enough. 

“I only ask two things,” Demetria said. 

“Anything.” 

“One, we plan this together. This our day, not just mine and not just yours. It’s ours.” 

“Not an issue at all.” 

“Two, this wedding is as small as possible.” 

He wrapped his arms around her. “It’s done deal.” 

As they leaned in for a kiss, the sounds of the helicopter landing drew their attention from each other. They watched as it made a graceful landing. 

“The plan has arrived for you sir!” Alfred called out. 

Demetria pat Bruce’s knee as she got up. “Have fun breaking off this deal in China.” 

Bruce threw off his white shirt, handing it to her.  He grabbed the duffle bag and threw it overboard. 

“Please be careful, Bruce.” 

“For you, I will.”

He gave her a quick kiss before diving into the water. She watched as he swam over to the helicopter before climbing aboard.

She watched as the helicopter flew away before turning to Alfred. 

“What number are we on, Alfred?” 

“Eighteen across. The clue is ‘Get your own bloody crossword.’” 

_____________________________________________________________

A couple days later, Demetria found herself at the entrance to St. Swithin’s Home For Boys. She was grateful the orphanage had taken her call and allowed her to come visit. 

She made her way to front desk area, smoothing out her pants. She smiled at the elderly nun at the desk. 

“Hi, I’m Demetria Gallagher,” she greeted. 

The nun smiled back. “Hello there! We’ve been expecting you! My name is Sister Agatha. You’re here for the tour, correct?” 

“Yes! I was hoping to speak with the Mother Superior or Monsignor O’Malley.” 

“Unfortunately both were unable to make it due to prior commitments; however, they asked that Sister Mary Ellen give you the tour.�� 

“Sounds great!”

“Please a seat while I phone her.” 

Demetria sat in the bench across from the desk, eyeing around the orphanage. It’s old age was definitely showing. She made mental notes of the broken down wood, the cracks in the wall, and the lingering dust. Her mother would love a project like this. 

“Miss Gallagher?” 

Demetria looked up to find a nun in her late thirties with kind brown eyes and a welcoming smile. “My name is Sister Mary Ellen. How do you do?” 

“Pleasure to meet you,” Demetria said reaching out her hand. 

Sister Mary Ellen shook it. “A pleasure to meet you as well. We’re so excited you’ve taken an interest in the orphanage.” 

“Bruce has told me so much about this place and I’ve always wanted to come see it for myself.” 

“The Wayne Family is such a big part of the orphanage’s history. Bruce has been so generous to us in the past.” 

Sister Mary Ellen first took her to the library, named in memory of Martha, Bruce’s mother. Despite it’s broken state, the walls were covered in old books stacked in the shelves. 

“Not a lot of boys spend time in here,” Sister Mary Ellen said. “We’ve been trying to get them to, but some are harder to persuade than others.” 

“Understandable,” Demetria assured.

Next was the kitchen, then the chapel, and then some of the dorms. While the building was historic, its structure and the components inside were out of date and almost out of function. 

There were a a good amount of kids staying in and they deserved a better home. 

“May I ask you something?” Sister Mary Ellen questioned. 

“Of course.” 

“There’s been a lot of talk amongst the nuns about what it is you plan to do and I just...well...what is your intention exactly?” 

Demetria chuckled. “It’s ok. I can completely understand the curiosity.” She sighed. “Bruce has always told me how much this place has meant to him, especially after the death of his parents. I know it’s hard for Bruce to give attention to this place and so I wanted to step in and make sure you’re getting not only what you and the boys need, but what you deserve. You all deserve to be living in better conditions and I can guarantee you Bruce agrees with me.” 

“What is it you can do for us?” Sister Mary Ellen asked. 

“My mother works as an interior designer and would be more than happy to help redecorate. I also know a lot of people who can help make sure this place is functioning properly and is up to all health code standards. I want to make sure you all are taken care of and are given the attention you all deserve.” 

Sister Mary Ellen couldn’t help but smile. “What about finances? I know the monsignor and Mother Superior would ask to be kept apprised.” 

“They would be. That’s something I’m currently working on, but I want to know what I’m at least working with here.” She smiled. “Although, my mother would do this for free. I know that for certain.” 

Sister Mary Ellen chuckled. “Let me take you outside.” 

She led Demetria to playground where Demetria noticed four boys playing basketball. She couldn’t help but notice that no matter how hard they tried to dunk the ball in the chain basket, they kept missing. 

“May I?” Demetria asked. 

“By all means.” 

Demetria made her way over to the boys. One boy had black hair with blue eyes, another was African-American with glasses, another boy had blonde hair and freckles, and one with brown hair with glasses.   

“Hey guys!” Demetria greeted.

The boys stopped and looked at her. “You guys playing basketball?” 

They looked at each other, confused and unsure what to say. She cleared her throat. “My name’s Demetria.” 

“I’m Travis,” the boy with black hair said. 

“I’m Jonathan,” the African-American boy said. 

“I’m Reid,” the boy with blonde hair said. 

“I’m Harry,” the boy with brown hair said. 

“Nice to meet you all,” Demetria said. “So what are we playing here? One-on-one or Horse?”

“Just some one-on-one,” Reid answered with a shrug. 

“You know how to play?” Harry asked. 

“A little. My dad was a high school basketball coach so he taught me a few things. Can I see the ball?” 

Travis passed her the ball. She dribbled it for a bit before shooting the ball into the basket. The boys stared in amazement, letting out some “whoa”s. 

“Alright, so who wants to be able to dunk a ball?” she asked. 

They all raised their hands. “That’s exactly what I thought. Ok so watch my hands.” 

She picked up the ball and demonstrated the throw with her hand. “See the way my hand curves, like I’m flicking my wrist? Try that.” 

Reid took the ball first. He dribbled the ball before throwing it up. The ball went through the basket. The boys cheered. 

“See? That was awesome!” Demetria said. She held up her hand for a high five which he reciprocated. “Alright, who’s next?” 

Harry went up and threw the ball, making it into the basket. 

“Way to go dude!” Demetria cheered, the two high diving. “Who’s next?” 

Jonathan went up and threw the ball, the ball circling the basket before falling off. Demetria caught it and threw it back to him, seeing the dejected look on his face. 

“You almost got it. Try again.” She smiled at him. 

He gave her a nod. He tossed the ball up, this time the ball landing into the basket. The boys and Demetria cheered. 

“See! You got it!” she said. 

They high fived and Jonathan passed the ball to Travis. Travis dribbled before the ball hit the back of the basket. The ball came back toward him as he caught it, tossed it again and then tossed the ball inside the basket. 

The other boys and Demetria cheered. 

“Ok, ok,” Demetria said. “Now you guys trying playing.” 

The boys then began playing one-on-one, Demetria coaching them and cheering them on. She couldn't help but feel her dad would be proud of her. Sure, she wasn’t an athlete, but she learned a lot from watching him coach from the sidelines all these years. 

She then saw Reid pass the ball to her. “Your turn,” he told her. 

She smiled. “Alright.” 

She dribbled the ball before tossing it into the basket. She grabbed the ball and said, “Who’s next?”

“What’s going on here?” 

Demetria turned around to see Bruce walking over. Her smile grew. “Just playing some basketball.” 

She watched as the boys’ eyes stayed on Bruce, wide in amazement and wonder. He acknowledged them with a warm smile before gazing at Demetria. 

“Tell me, boys, how she doing?” he asked. 

The responded, each voice overlapping the other. 

“She’s pretty good.” 

“She’s good.” 

“Pretty good.”

“Good.”

Demetria tossed the ball to Bruce as he caught it in his hands. “Let’s see you’ve got, Wayne,” she challenged playfully. 

“Those are fighting words,” he responded, dribbling the ball a bit. 

He turned his back to her and tossed the ball as it went into the basket. The boys cheered and clapped as Bruce turned to her, throwing his hands up. 

She folded her arms across her chest. “It was just a lucky shot.” 

Bruce looked over to one of the boys. “Can I have the ball, please?” They tossed him the ball. He showed it to Demetria. “Why don’t you try and steal it, Gallagher?” 

Demetria went over to him as he lifted the ball from her. She jumped, spiking it from his hands. Jonathan caught it and tossed it back to her. She went to shoot it into the basket when Bruce spiked it out of her her hand and picked her up swinging her around. 

“Are you kidding me?! I almost had it!” Demetria screamed. 

It was then something caught her eye. A figure watching them from across the street. 

“Hold on, hold on,” she told Bruce. 

He stopped, eyebrows furrowed. “What’s wrong?” 

“Give me a sec. I think I see something.” 

She walked toward the gate, getting a closer look at the figure. It was a caucasian male with a black baseball cap that said ‘Gotham Times’ on it and a tee and jeans with a bulky vest. Across his neck, a camera. 

“What the hell are you doing?” she called out to him. “There’s kids here!” 

The man reached up to his camera as she continued to get closer. 

“Stop it!” she growled. “Stop!

Bruce rushed over to her, pulling her away. “Demetria, don’t.”

She turned to him. “He’s photographing the kids! He can’t be doing that!” 

“Listen, we’ll take care of this when we get home,” he told her. “Right now, just ignore him. The more you go after him, the worse it’s going to be.” 

She ran a hand through her hair. “There has to be a line drawn, Bruce.” 

“We’ll take care of it home, alright?” 

She nodded her head. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” He kissed her forehead. “You were protecting the kids. It’s gonna be ok. We’ll fix this.” 

He rubbed her arms. “Let’s go back, ok?” 

“Ok.” 

She took one more look at the photographer before walking away. Bruce had a point, they were going to take care of it. 

She was going to take care of it. 

[dato-potato]

five times missed.

It was a fleeting thought. One he had every time he glanced over at her face. He’d been having the thought more often, making his chest unbearably tight. It was suffocating him. So when he said it, he hadn’t expected anything. Maybe she’d laugh at him, in that way that she laughs so hard she snorts. There were five times in particular though, that he could recall as if they’d just happened the day before. Five moments where he felt so purely and wholly in love with her.

The first time it happened, he had thought he may have been dying.

It was an unbearably cold night. It was thankfully slow on patrol but he almost wished there was more criminal activity so he could force himself to move and warm up. They had taken to a rooftop to monitor the city, looking out at the cityscape.

“It’s freakin’ cold,” Stephanie complained beside him, her teeth chattering.

Tim chuckled at her and took her hand in his. “There,” he said with a smile.

Stephanie paused, staring at him for a moment before she burst out laughing. “As if I could get any body heat through both our gloves,” she managed through chuckles.

Even as she teased him for it, she never let go of his hand. His heart skipped a beat, Tim briefly wondered if that was it, if his heart was finally giving out. When he realized that he wasn’t dying, he let himself simply watch Stephanie. She glanced at their hands, a soft smile gracing her lips. That was it, that was the first time the thought had truly crossed his mind.

——————————

The second time was when they were lounging in the manor one evening. Stephanie was reading something on her phone as Tim went over some paperwork. Though it seemed like he was working, really, he was way too distracted by Stephanie’s face. As she read, she would make faces at her phone, his eyes always wandering back to her from the page in front of him.

He managed to finally read the report, checking Stephanie beside him. His heart stuttered as he realized she’d fallen asleep on him. He carefully set the papers on the table on his other side, trying his best not to disturb her.

“Hey, Timothy,” Jason started as he stepped into the sitting room, his voice unnecessarily loud.

He shushed his older brother as loud as he could, glaring at him as he did. When Jason mouthed an apology and backed slowly out, Tim relaxed back into the couch. His heart wasn’t racing like it had been the first time, it was a gentle pace that ached with longing to keep such a normal moment and stay in it, live just like that, peacefully.

——————————

The third time was at a gala. Bruce was hosting it so none of the family could leave first, Bruce telling them it wouldn’t look good if the host family disappeared. Tim disagreed, he thought no one would even notice them leaving. He had been having a particularly long day and he wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and sleep for a week. Until he saw Stephanie, and then he felt like he could stay up for three more days without sleep.

She was even more stunning than usual, her blonde hair done up in a neat bun and a pale purple gown that fluttered around her and brushed the floor when she walked. Tim didn’t know anything about dresses but, holy crap.

It had only been about an hour into the gala but Tim still couldn’t take his eyes off of Stephanie who looked like the picture of elegance holding a glass of champagne and chatting with Cassandra.

“You gonna ask her to dance, or keep staring at her?” Dick asked him in a teasing tone.

Tim scoffed as he made his way over to where Stephanie stood, talking animatedly to Cassandra. Cass nodded to Tim, smirking as she waved goodbye to Stephanie.

He held out his hand and fell into an exaggerated bow, “May I have this dance?”

Stephanie giggled, his chest tightening oddly at the sound, “I would be honoured.”

He took her hand and led her to the middle of the banquet hall with a small smile. The music was slow and sweet, so they simply swayed together. Dick caught Tim’s eye and gave him a thumbs up and a wink. Tim rolled his eyes but made a note to thank his brother later.

They continued like that nearly the entire night, some people giving them weird looks and others smiling and reminiscing about youth. Tim didn’t care about anyone else. Stephanie’s smile and her hands in his were the only things he could see. His thoughts dominated by her and being with her like that for as long as possible. It was almost bittersweet when they had to leave the hall.

The next day, Tim tracked down every photographer that was there and paid an ungodly amount of money for any photos they got of Tim and Stephanie. He printed out the photos and put them in a box. He didn’t want to forget that night. To most, it was a normal gala, but for him, it was a night etched into his memory for eternity.

——————————

The fourth time he could recall the thought coming up was on a mission. Stephanie had come along as back up. Tim was dealing with a bunch of goons, one sneaking up behind him. He turned around just as Stephanie jumped in front of him, knocking the guy out cold with one hit. He wasn’t sure why but that had done it.

“You ok?” She’d asked him after he hadn’t moved for a solid twenty seconds.

“Mhm, totally fine,” he told her with a smile, moving on and telling himself to focus. No, not on her, he chided himself when his eyes wandered back to Stephanie.

——————————

The fifth moment was only a week before. Stephanie had been on patrol with Dick and Bruce. Tim nearly died when he received the phone call. Dick told him that Stephanie had been injured, that they weren’t sure how bad it was but they were bringing her back to the cave immediately.

He rushed down to the cave where they were, his heart beating wildly in his chest, feeling like it was in his throat. His nose was stinging with that familiar sensation as he pushed through his family to get to her.

“Tim!” She called when he got to her, breathing hard. “What’s wrong, are you ok?”

Tim looked incredulously at her, “Am I ok? I just got a phone call,” he started, glancing behind him at Dick who looked only slightly apologetic. He took a breath in, grateful it wasn’t what he thought but he was going to kill Dick later for that call.

“Oh, about me?” Stephanie scoffed, “I’m totally fine, just twisted my ankle a bit.”

Tim let out a breath of relief, his body nearly collapsing. He realized then how dangerous their lives were, how quickly they could turn sour. He’d always known they didn’t live normal lives, that it was a lot more likely they’d get grievously injured in a fight, but it was easy to forget that it can all be taken away from them so suddenly. It terrified him.

He decided then that he wouldn’t let anything stop him, the next time the thought crossed his mind, he’d say it. He wouldn’t hold back, he would worry about how she’d react after.

——————————

“We should get married.”

It was definitely sudden, but his mind wouldn’t stop reminding him of every moment he had thought they should just do it and get hitched.

They had taken a night off to go stargazing in the woods. He felt all tingly as he lay next to her. His mind running wild with thoughts of how quickly the moment could slip through his fingers, how quickly he could lose these moments altogether. He tried to rid his mind of those thoughts, but instead, he ended up blurting it out.

Stephanie turned her head and halfway sat up to gawk at Tim. He didn’t meet her gaze, but he could feel it on himself, never leaving his face. He knew it was out of blue, to her at least. To him, it was something he thought about nearly every time he was with her now.

Tim continued to stare up at the stars above them, they were so bright that night. Or maybe that was just him.

“Are you serious?” Stephanie asked him and he worried his cheek. Should he play it off as a joke? His heart was racing and ever so carefully, he glanced at her. Her blue eyes shone bright, brighter than any of the stars and he felt the pressure in his chest, a weight that felt heavier when he was caught by her gaze.

“Yes,” he breathed quietly. He watched with rapt attention as Stephanie looked around them, searching for the words to say. He waited patiently, glancing between the night sky and her face.

Finally, Stephanie sighed and audibly flopped back to the ground. “Seriously. This is how you thought best to ask?” Tim turned his head to look at her before sitting up completely. “You didn’t think to maybe do it a little bit more romantic?” Her lips quirked upwards as she sat up again.

“I just thought, you know we both risk our lives doing what we do, we never really know when our last chance--” Tim was cut off by Stephanie’s soft lips meeting his.

She grinned at him as she broke the kiss. “It could be worse, I suppose,” she breathed on his lips.

Tim gently pulled away, “Is that a--”

“Yes, it’s a yes,” Stephanie laughed, her eyes shining just a bit brighter. “For a detective, you can be kinda slow.” Tim’s chest felt light, the tightness still there but a sudden sense of relief and something else he couldn’t yet name filling the space around them.

[Bonus]

“You know, I think that was pretty romantic,” Tim declared. When Stephanie just looked at him, he raised his eyebrows. “We’re under the stars, all alone…” He trailed off. He knew it wasn’t the most romantic, but he thought it was better than when they were around other people. He didn’t want to imagine what would happen if he had brought it up when they were around his family.

Stephanie grinned at him, “Yeah, and then you just, out of the blue, popped the question. And, not even asked, by the way. You simply stated that we should.”

Tim nodded, “Ok, fair. But, counterpoint, it was even more romantic because it was so random.”

Stephanie raised an amused brow, “All right, would you like to support that point with some evidence?”

“Well, it goes to show that I don’t feel like that only during, you know, heated moments,” he said quietly.

Stephanie nodded her head, “Ok, that’s very valid. But what about the statement?”

“Right, I mean it’s not like I was telling you we’re getting married. It was more like, just voicing my opinion,” Tim explained.

“Yes, very interesting,” Stephanie nodded her head again as she giggled.

Tim sighed, taking her hand in his, “Now we just have to figure out how we tell everyone else.”

Stephanie stared up at the sky before a wicked grin spread on her face, “Or,” she spoke with a devious tone, “We could just not say anything…”

Tim considered it for a moment and then shook his head, “Could you imagine Alfred if we did that?”

Stephanie’s eyes went wide and she shook her head too, “Yeah, no, let’s forget that. That’s just too terrifying to even think about.”

They both chuckled and Tim added the moment with the rest of them, memorizing everything from the way she laughed, leaning back on her hands and looking up to the dark sky to the constellations she attempted to trace with her finger.

[saultnpeppah]

Day 6: Bachelor(ette) Party

Sorry for the delay. Day 6: Bachelor(ette) Party

December 19. Wayne Manor. 06:11 EST

Diana

The decorations that are hanging within the manor make me smile as I hop down the stairs, pulling a sweatshirt on as I make my way to the front door, where someone is pounding on the heavy piece of wood loudly. I know who is on the other end, and I am happy to see they are early for once, but part of me can't help be frustrated that they interrupted the only morning I've had with Bruce in two weeks.

The wedding is in two weeks and the stress has finally started to catch up as both Bruce and I try our best to finalize the small details. The florist, the band, and the catering are all booked and ready. The dress has been done and is hanging in Alfred's closet away from Bruce's prying eyes, and Donna has assured me a few of her friends here in Gotham will get both the conservatory, where our ceremony will be held, and the ballroom, decorated for the wedding.

The manor has been in Bruce's family for generations, it only made sense to get married here. But instead of the outdoor wedding both his parents and grandparents had, we decided to remain indoors, knowing the cold snowy days of winter would not make our guests comfortable. It was the easiest decision we made.

The only thing that we need to do is tradition, but with all the stress and the wedding only a week after Christmas, it is one I can go without: my Bachelorette party. Donna, and the rest of my bridesmaids, however, did not feel the same, telling me a girl's night out would help relieve some of the stress this wedding was causing. I had only agreed after they promised we wouldn't be doing anything too crazy, seeing as though Christmas was next week and the wedding was a week later.

The knocking continues as I step off the last step, sliding toward the front door, before glancing out of the peephole. My hand grips the door handle and I yank it open, whispering, "You don't need to be that loud."

Donna only giggles and shakes her head, pushing me aside to gain access to the warmth that fills the manor. "It's not like you have neighbors," she says sarcastically.

I only shake my head, watching as Donna removes her coat and hangs it up beside the door, before I turn to watch the other two women step out of the car. Lois closes the driver's side door of her car and tightens her scarf, pulling it up over her nose for the short trek to the open manor door. Beside her is Shayera who, having spent years on the sunny west coast, shivers under her thick jacket. She pulls the hat atop her head further over her ears, trying to warm them, as she rushes past Lois into the manor and out of the cold.

Lois shakes her head, chuckling at the redhead, before she steps inside, moving aside to let me close the door behind her. "Poor woman can't handle the cold," Lois says, pulling the scarf from her mouth, letting it hang loosely around her neck as she pulls off her coat and sets it beside Donna's, who has quickly made her way into the kitchen with Shayera, both needing something to eat to distract from being up this early.

I nod and chuckle. I will never understand why someone who hates the cold as much as Shayera decided to go to college in the east coast where the snow was plentiful and the wind chilled your bones to the point you felt they could snap. "She'll live," I say with a smirk.

Lois chuckles and pulls her phone from her back pocket, checking the time. Alfred steps out from the door leading to the kitchen, a duffle bag in his hands, a smirk on his face. He hands the bag to Lois, who accepts it with a nod and thanks him, watching as he turns on his heel and walks back into the room, most likely shooing Donna and Shayera from the kitchen as they rush out of the room moments after he disappears behind the door.

"What's that?" I ask curiously, although I already know the answer. Although Donna is my maid of honor, Lois has been helping her plan long distance, and none of the four, Charlie included, have told me what they had planned for tonight.

I've tried to pester Charlie at work, trying to get her to spill even the smallest of details, but it was to no avail. Every time Charlie got a text or a call from Lois or Donna she would smirk at me, silently torturing me; I am saddened that she will not be there, but her wife, Laura, has just had a baby, and even though it's been a few weeks, baby Aria had a troubling entrance into the world, so I don't hold it against her. She needs to be home with her wife and daughter, and in all honesty, I'd rather be at her home snuggling that little bundle than doing whatever crazy idea the girls have thought up.

"It's your bag," Lois says with a shrug. "And you will get it when we get to our destination, so you don't know where we're going."

I scoff and shake my head, glancing down at the sweats and sweatshirt that is covering a thin tank top I wear, raising an eyebrow as I pull my hair up into a messy bun. "Can I at least go change?" I ask.

Lois nods. "Yes, but no funny business with Bruce," she warns, "we're going to be late if the two of you can't keep your hands off each other."

Shayera giggles but Donna gags, not wanting to know her sister has a very active sex life. That's probably for the best. "I'll try," I say with a smirk. I begin to bound up the stairs, stopping at the top of the staircase to ask over my shoulder, "What am I supposed to wear?" trying to get one last hint to where we're going.

Shayera shakes her finger, shaming me for my attempt at more information, and says, "Just throw on a tshirt and jeans, Prince." I only nod, watch as Shayera smirks, and jog down the hall to my bedroom. "Don't make me come up there," she calls from downstairs.

I fling the door to the room open to see Bruce step out of the bathroom, wiping a towel over his freshly shaven face. "I assume they're here to kidnap you," he asks, watching as I pull the sweatshirt and tank off at once, leaving the top half of my body bare.

"Yes," is all I say, quickly pulling articles of clothing out from the dresser in the corner of the room. I pull on the clothing, a squeal escaping my lips when I feel Bruce's arms wrap around my waist and pull me up against him, his hand sneaking under the shirt I have just pulled on. "Lois is going to kill you if you make me late," I say, although part of me wants him to risk it. It's been weeks since Bruce and I have had a day off together, and I want nothing more than to shoo the girls away and stay locked up in this room.

"I'm not scared of her," he says in a whisper against my neck and I chuckle.

"You should be," I say, pulling my sweats down and discarding them alongside the other articles of clothing I threw on in my rush to answer the door. "But Shayera is also down there."

Bruce hesitates, freezing his movements that have his hands working circles along my hip. He is all too familiar with Shayera's tactics, after having been the receiver of a punch to the gut our freshman year of college. He now knows better than to test her and her patience. "Fine," he says with a sigh. He places a kiss on the back of my neck, watching as my breath hitches in the back of my throat, before he lets out a raspy laugh of his own. "Go. Have fun," he says, sending me off on his well wishes as he crawls back into bed, wanting to get another few minutes of sleep after the late night we had.

I pull on a pair of jeans and finish my outfit off with a pair of boots, before I lean over and kiss him one last time. With that, I rush out of the room, careful to grab my phone and my purse on the way out, and join the three women downstairs, still cautious about what these three have planned.

XXXXXXXX

December 19. Gotham Rec Center. 12:12 EST

Bruce

"That's game!"

Clark releases his hold on the rim of the basketball hoop, landing on the hardwood floor with a small thud, as Oliver struts up to him and pats his shoulder, beaming with pride. "I believe we won," Oliver says with a grin, giving a high five to Clark and his other teammate, Wally West.

My partner, John Stewart, only shakes his head and curses under his breath. He is not a fan of losing, neither am I. "That's only because you have an extra player," he points out, pointing to Wally, who only raises his hand in surrender, unsure of how he got roped into the game in the first place.

Having met Wally two years prior at a convention in Central City, I was at first put off by his irrepressible personality. He could talk for hours and still not get the point across, and I would find myself toning him out, responding with a nod here and there only to not seem disinterested in what he was saying. But after a day or two, I was won over by his knowledge of forensic anthropology and science, soon creating a friendship over our quick witted banter and thirst for knowledge. Wally was the youngest of the group, a younger brother of sorts, but I knew I wanted him to be part of my wedding as soon as Diana had accepted my proposal. And Diana loved him. She found him cute and his antics were endearing.

Like Wally, I hadn't known John for more than a year or so, having met at one of the military bases I was touring, looking for ways to help the Marine Corps incorporate new technology WayneTech had been working on. At first John was very skeptical of me, so he had told me, but after working closely together for a few months, he warmed up and we were able to form a friendship, finding the time to play a game of basketball every other week.

"Yeah, yeah," Ollie says, brushing off John's comment. He tucks the basketball under his arm and walks to the bench, where we have stashed our water bottles, phones, and keys, picks up his water bottle, and chugs its contents. "Considering West here spent half the game running after the ball instead of actually playing, I think we were pretty well matched."

He flashes Wally a smirk and a wink, hearing the younger man scoff at his comment, before he lifts the end of his tshirt and wipes the sweat from his brow. I've known Ollie nearly all my life. Our fathers used to do business with each other, and as much as I consider Clark to be my best friend, Ollie is the only one who knows the stress of running a company with a reputation like Wayne Enterprises or Queens Consolidated; if only he were a bit more responsible and didn't threaten the future of his company playing stupid games, something I've warned him against multiple times.

"Well I'm starving," I finally say in an attempt to keep the peace. "How about we go get some lunch, and then you can all tell me what we're doing?"

Everyone nods their head in unison and we all grab our items, before we head to the locker room and change into our clothes, stuffing our dirt and sweat filled gym attire into very worn out duffle bags. When we finally walk out of the rec center and back into the cold air Christmas in Gotham brings, I can't help but chuckle when I see poor Oliver shivering in his jacket, as we make our way to where Alfred waits with a limo. They don't get weather like this in California. We quickly make our way inside, each greeting Alfred as we get seated, before the Englishman starts the vehicle and takes off to a prediscloused location - one that I was not involved in planning.

"So what are we doing tonight?" I ask casually, trying to gain some information on the bachelor party that the four have kept quiet the last month and a half.

I am starting to worry they forgot to plan something and are hoping I will be their source of entertainment here in the city, but when Oliver says, "We're getting out of this negative two thousand degree weather," I know I'm in for a long weekend.

I never agreed to go anywhere. I didn't tell Diana I would be leaving the city, and the more I think about it, I haven't heard from her all morning. Whatever her bridesmaids dragged her into, I only hope she has fun, and doesn't get into too much trouble. "What do you mean?" I ask, flipping through the unread emails on my phone.

Oliver doesn't answer. Instead he throws a sly smile toward Clark, who sits there, chewing a piece of gum, trying to keep himself from spilling the secret before the big reveal. I know I'm not going to get anymore information out of Oliver and Clark, John is as much of a fortress with information as Lois, and Wally is too afraid of the rest of the guys to say anything, so I am out of luck and stay quiet, trying to enjoy the ride.

By the time I am done clearing out my inbox, the limo stops and Alfred opens the back door, where we all crawl out and onto a runway, where my private jet is waiting. "No," I say, shaking my head profusely at Oliver, who has the biggest grin on his face that could mean nothing but trouble. "I don't even have anything packed."

"I took the liberty of packing your bag for you, Master Wayne," Alfred says with a grin, pulling a suitcase from the trunk of the vehicle. He places it on the floor before he reaches in and pulls out everyone else's bags and I realize I've been tricked. So much for a quiet Bachelor party.

"You sneak," I accuse Alfred, who only shrugs his shoulders, promising to watch the manor for the weekend, before he gets into the driver's seat and takes off, leaving me stranded on the runway with the four men who each have devious grins on their faces. "I haven't even showered," I say, realizing that skipping the shower at the rec center, thinking I was going to be able to get a quick lunch and go home, was a mistake.

Clark shrugs his shoulder, bends down, and picks up three of the bags. "Shower on the plane," he says as he walks toward the plane, leaving me to shake my head, wondering how I got such sneaky friends.

XXXXXX

December 19. O'ahu, Hawaii. 16:03 HST

Diana

"I can't believe you brought me to the other side of the country," I say, my head still spinning from the flight that landed three hours ago. When Lois had driven to the airport, I figured we were headed to Atlantic City or New York. The furthest west I thought we would go was Vegas, but when I saw the destination on the ticket Lois tried to keep from me, I just about fainted.

Bruce had no idea where I was. As far as he knew, we were still nearby, having a girl's night at Lois' apartment, eating junk food and sipping margaritas. And while the margaritas were definitely a plenty, I had not expected to be sitting in a bikini by the beach while having my second drink of the night.

"Shut up and drink your margarita," Shayera says with a smirk as she and Donna come back to our table, dressed in their own beach attire, drinks in hand.

"She's right," Lois says, "besides, would you have come if we told you where we were taking you?" I only shake my head. "That's what I thought. By the way, Charlie wishes she could be here."

I let out a sigh. I wish my friend could have been here too, but she was with her wife and new daughter, and I couldn't fault her for that. Little Aria had definitely had an interesting birth story, scaring everyone that was anxiously awaiting her arrival, but now that all three were home and doing well, all that didn't matter. Still, Charlie was anxious about leaving the two of them a few weeks after her daughter's birth, not wanting to risk things. Now that I know we have traveled across the country, I understand her hesitation, and I send a quick text to let her know I miss her and can't wait to see that baby's sweet little face again.

Shayera takes a seat across from me and lets out a content sigh as she sips the drink in her hand, before she hands another glass to Donna, causing my eyebrow to raise. "What's that?" I ask, watching as Donna takes a sip and grins.

"Um, a margarita," she says with a shrug, unphased by the concern in my voice.

"Virgin?" I ask, tilting my head as I stare at my sister.

She contemplates her answer, before she shakes her head with a chuckle. "Of course not," she says, taking another sip.

I place my own cup on the table in front of me and snatch the glass from her hand, shaking my finger as she tries to protest. "Na uh," I say, "Drinking age is 21." I glance up at Shayera and furrow my brows. "How did you even get this anyway?"

Shayera chuckles and takes a large sip of her beverage, shrugs, and says, "That bartender was too busy flirting with her to realize she never got carded." After a pause she adds, "He also didn't charge me for the second drink, so I guess that's a win."

"Come on, Di," Donna begins, "Drinking age is eighteen at home."

I only shake my head once more. "We're not at home," I say, "And I don't feel like getting arrested for providing alcohol to a minor two weeks before my wedding."

Donna pouts, saddened by my newest rule, and Shayera tries to hide her playful scoff. "As I recall, you drank a lot heavier stuff than margaritas our freshman year, Diana," she says, stopping only when I kick her shin from under the table.

I know Shayera is right. I know I am a hypocrite for keeping Donna from drinking, even though I know she can handle her liquor better than half the people here, but while she is away from home, I am in charge of her well being, and I would hate for anything to happen to her, especially while we are away from Gotham. She's my sister, and if I have to be a little over protective of her, so be it.

Donna lets out a sigh, agitated that I did not let up, and pushes her chair back. "Fine," she says, standing from her seat. "I'll be right back." She walks back to the bar and I notice the bartender Shayera had mentioned before light up when he sees her, a smile on his face as his eyes fixate on Donna's, slowly listening to everything she orders.

"You've become a hard ass," Shayera says with a smirk, to which I roll my eyes and chuckle, knowing she understands where I am coming from.

I turn to face Lois and watch as she scans the room intently, her eyes roaming over every person in the room as she whispers something to herself. "You alright?" I find myself asking as I place a hand on her shoulder, pulling her attention away from a group of people at the opposite end of the bar.

Lois' eyes meet mine and she smiles, nods, and takes a sip of her drink. "I'm fine," she says, no further explanation given.

I nod, believing her, but I can't help but turn to scan the room myself. I have nearly completed a full sweep when I notice the group of people Lois had been staring at, my brows furrowing as I watch the men drink and laugh, each holding a beer as a few stare at the bikini clad women walking by, not a care in the world. When one of them turns, I shake my head and let out a scoff, before I rise from my seat and excuse myself from the table, intent on giving him a piece of my mind.

XXXXXX

December 19. O'ahu, Hawaii. 16:03 HST

Bruce

As we walk into the resort restaurant, I can't help but feel exhausted. An eleven hour flight was not something I had been planning this afternoon. If I had known this, I would have begged Diana to let me sleep instead of kissing her well into the morning - actually that is a lie, as I would always choose sleep deprivation over the deprivation of her lips on mine. The thought sends a flutter to my heart and I have to shake my head clear so that I can concentrate on not falling asleep as I walk.

The flight over was fairly monotonous. We had each taken showers in the bathroom at the rear of the plane, after which I claimed the bed in order to get one or two hours of shut eye while the others fended for themselves; Never had I been more grateful to have had my own private jet than I did today.

When we had landed, Oliver made sure we had a car waiting to take us to the resort, where we checked in, went to the suite to dump our luggage, and came downstairs to grab a drink, all in record time. And while at first I was convinced this was going to be a bad idea, where I would barely get to enjoy my time here and be exhausted a majority of the weekend, the more I thought about it, the more I realized this was a "Bruce Wayne" thing to do.

"How about a drink?" Oliver asks. Everyone nods their head, ready to start a weekend of relaxation, and he turns to me. "Bruce, come help me, will ya?"

I only nod and follow Ollie to the bar, watching as he tries to get the attention from the blonde bartender who is busy making a few extra drinks, her co worker on the other side of the bar, leaning against the counter as he flirts with another tourist. It takes a minute to finally gain her attention, and she comes over to take our order. "Hello gorgeous," Oliver says, giving the bartender a wink as he places his card on the bar. He runs a hand through his own blonde hair and tries his hand at seducing her without a word, but she doesn't fall for it and simply asks for us to repeat our order. Defeated, Ollie says, "Five of whatever you have on tap," watching as she nods and goes to grab our order.

I am unable to help the laugh that falls from my mouth as I watch Oliver sigh and drop his head, before he leans against the bar. Ever since he and Dinah ended things, yet another one of his stupid mistakes, he can't seem to get his groove back with women. It's a little disheartening to see someone who was as big of a playboy as I was, strike out with women, although as a man who is getting married in two weeks, I can no longer condone that behavior. I only wish he takes my advice and actually tries to reach out to Dinah once more.

The music shuffles and another song begins, providing some more up beat tempos to the couples dancing on a small dance floor. This place is small, but it is not boring, and as I continue to watch the people out on the beach, I decide I'm going to bring Diana hereafter we are married, as she will love it.

"Hey, Oliver," I say, turning my attention back to the man who is silently staring at a few surfers in the background. He turns to me. "Thank you," I say.

Oliver shakes his head. "No, thank Clark," he answers, "he was the one who set this whole thing up."

I applaud him for giving the credit to my best man, but I know for a fact Clark couldn't have paid for everything here. But Oliver knows what I meant, and only offers me a sly smile, pats me on the back, and says, "But think of this as a thank you. You saved me and the company back in February, and I can't thank you enough for that, Bruce."

Before I can respond, the blonde bartender comes back, a tray of beers in hand. Oliver hands her a credit card and tells her to keep a tab open, before he quickly grabs the tray and walks off to join the guys, myself not too far behind. When he makes it back to the three, Oliver begins to hand out beers, laughing at the last line of a joke Wally said that I just missed.

Clark makes a toast to the rest of the weekend, and to the wedding everyone can't stop talking about, before we indulge in our own little party, chatting about everything beside the wedding, because as much as I love the thought of marrying Diana in two weeks, I can't be stuck in another conversation about which flowers go best with lace. I'll leave that up to the bride and her friends.

"Now that is a beautiful woman," Wally says as he finishes his beer. He sets the glass down on to the table, turning his head to get a better look at the woman sporting a blue bikini, as she trots toward the water, surfboard in hand. Oliver nudges his arm and wiggles his eyebrows, before he whistles loudly, and I want nothing more than to hide my face, not wanting to draw more attention to myself as Oliver and the guys already have.

"Have some respect," Clark says as he takes another drink of his beverage and I am once again surprised at the will power this man has. Ever since he started dating Lois, he has yet to look at another woman in a manner that is anything other than professional. Although when you find the woman who you love more than anything, no other person will compare. I'm a testament to that.

I take another sip of my drink when I feel someone tap my shoulder. "Excuse me, sir," I hear from behind me, "care to dance?"

I place my drink on the table and turn, ready to let the woman behind me know I am unable to fulfill her request, but when I see who it is, my face lights up and my lips curl into a wide smile. "What are you doing here?" I ask in utter disbelief, surprised to see that my fiance so happens to be at the same resort me and my groomsmen are at currently.

Diana giggles as she leans in to my open arms. She kisses my cheek and I wrap my arms around her, the feeling of her body flush against mine sending chills down my spine. How has it only been a few hours since I've seen her and yet I feel like I'm going through withdrawals?

"Lois," she says, but she looks past me at Clark and narrows her eyes. "Although I suspect Clark and Lois conceived this idea together."

I glance over Diana's shoulder and notice Lois, Shayera, and Donna sitting at a table, enjoying what look like margaritas and laughing at something Donna has said. Our friends are sneaky people but they mean well, and I can't fault them for that.

"So," I begin, moving closer to Diana so I can whisper in her ear, "do you think they'd notice if we left for a bit?"

She ponders my question, a sly smile on her face as she realizes I want to continue what was interrupted this morning. "Let's go," she says as she takes my hand and pulls me away from the guys, maneuvering me through the crowd surrounding the bar, before pulling me out of the restaurant and onto the sand that covers the beach.

We walk across the sand, hand in hand, trying to find a spot where we can find complete privacy. Diana tells me of how she and the girls flew to Hawaii, Lois and Donna keeping her preoccupied until they boarded their last flight; only then did she know where they were headed. She tells me how she tried to call me the second she landed, wanting to let me know she wasn't going to be home tomorrow morning like she had originally thought, but I hadn't received her message because I had been on my own trek to the island. I tell her about my day, how after she left Clark and Oliver arrived at the manor, enjoyed a quick breakfast, and went about my day, not knowing I would be sleeping in a bed on the other side of the country that night.

"I can't believe Oliver is paying for all this," Diana says as we plop ourselves down onto the sand.

I stare out to the ocean, where the sunset has already begun to cast a beautiful array of red and orange over the water, and nod. "I know," I say, agreeing that he is taking this thanks a bit too far, but if he wants to splurge on me and my fiance, I'll happily let him do so.

It is quiet for a moment, the only sounds coming from the small waves crashing on the shore, and I am grateful to know the only other people on this side of the beach have found their ways home, giving Diana and I the privacy we so desperately crave. It isn't long before she finds herself in my lap, arms wrapped around my neck, as she kisses me fiercely. Without hesitation my hands find themselves around her waist, pulling her closer, wanting to feel her body against mine.

My hands caress her back, my fingertips dancing along her bare back as my right hand makes its way up into her hair. My fingers tangle into those dark locks I love and when I give it a small yank, she lets out a moan that ignites something inside of me. My lips kiss a trail from her lips to her neck, knowing what this does to her, a smirk on my face when I hear her breath hitch in the back of her throat.

"Bruce," she whispers, "we shouldn't be doing this here."

I nod as I place my lips over hers once more. I know she's right, but her in my arms feels so right, and I don't care where we are, I want her. I part my lips, knowing I need to respond, however the voices that come from a few feet away make me freeze in my tracks.

"I think they're over there," I hear. My heart races as I recognize the deep voice. It's John, and he and the shadowy figure he is with begin to run to where Diana and I sit.

"Diana," I whisper, "we have company."

She pulls away from me and looks over her shoulder just in time to see John and Shayera come running up, stopping when they realize the compromising position they have found us in.

"Woah, are we interrupting something?" Shayera asks with a smug smile. She crosses her arms over her chest, staring intently at Diana and I as John tries to look away, trying to avoid both Diana and I, and Shayera's bikini clad chest, which is right in his line of sight.

"Yes," Diana says, letting out a sigh as she stands and fixes the skirt she wears.

"Good," Shayera says. "It's only been a few hours and you can't keep your hands off each other."

I stand from the sand and brush off my shorts and shrug. "Can you blame me," I ask honestly. Shayera glances at Diana, pondering my question, and nods to herself with a sigh, before she shakes her head and waves away her private thoughts. "Beside, you guys are the ones who brought us to the same resort."

John sighs. "I told Clark that was a bad idea. Now they're going to try to sneak off every chance they can."

Diana glances at me and winks, before she lifts her hand and uses a finger to cross an x over her heart. "I promise. We'll stay away from each other until we all go home."

Shayera doesn't seem to accept Diana's response, but she soon shrugs her shoulders and lets it go. Diana turns to give me one last kiss, smiling as she looks into my eyes, before she turns and follows Shayera back down to the restaurant and resort.

John, who has been staring at Shayera, clears his throat and turns to me. "Oliver says we have plans," he says. I nod and we walk back to the restaurant, where the other three guys are waiting, ready for a night of partying and drinking, and although all I want is to still be wrapped in Diana's arms, I know that'll come in time. Two more weeks, Bruce. Two more weeks until I get to marry her.

I realize nothing too exciting happened here, but this was the one I was unsure of. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!

@fyeahwonderbat

[wellthatjusthappend]

In your divorce au, what's jason and dick's son's name? also can we see a bit more interaction with the kid? also also could we have insecure jason being reminded of dick all over the place? sorta missing him but also being mad at him? Sorry I know that's a lot packed into one request... feel free to just answer the name part.

No worries! I like questions :) 

Their son is Thomas Grayson (Tommy for sort). I know that in canon he’s supposed to be Dick/Kori’s kid, but since he grows up to be the next Red Hood... potential and all, you know? For some reason I’ve found I have a thing about making brand new fan-babies. It’s fun, but it’s always a little distracting for me. 

But enough of that, on to the story!

It was weird as hell living in the manor again. 

Alfred had moved him into a suite in the guest wing that had an attached room for his son to sleep in. Jason would rather he had his own apartment in the city, but his funds had dwindled from years of not working and he didn’t think he could support them. He was less than thrilled about having to share a roof with Bruce again, even if their relationship had improved slightly since Tommy was born. Didn’t mean that he wasn’t a little pissed when Bruce started taking over and detailing out every aspect of his life after he moved out of he and Dick’s old place. 

It felt like he’d moved out of one controlling Alpha’s house to another’s. 

Still, Jason did his best not to pick fights with the man. He wasn’t dumb; he knew Bruce was one of the few reason’s he was hanging on to custody of his son.  

“Going to the zoo!” Tommy bounded in, “Hurry papá! Going to the zoo!”

“Tomorrow,” Jason ephized, helping getting shoes on his son’s feet, “We’re going to the zoo tomorrow.” 

“But you said one more sleep!” insisted Tommy, wiggling unhelpfully.

Ah, Jason realized his mistake. But...

“Did you sleep at nap time?”

“Yes!”

“Really? So if I go ask Alfred…”

“No!” 

“Hmm,” Jason grinned as he set the little boy on his feet, “early bedtime tonight?”

“Zoo tomorrow!” Tommy said flushing. 

“Zoo tomorrow,” Jason agreed. 

“Will daddy be there?” Tommy asked, and Jason felt like the bottom had dropped out of his stomach.

“No.”

“But daddy’s going to show me the elephants,” Tommy said blinking up at him without comprehension, “he promised.”

Jason wondered how long ago that was. 

“We’ll still go find the elephants,” Jason promised, “Maybe we can get elephant popcorn too.”

“Elephant popcorn!” Tommy cheered and Jason breathed out a sigh of relief. Sometimes Tommy got into a one track mind and could not be derailed. ‘Daddy’’s broken promise to show him the elephants still had the potential to be a full blown meltdown later on though. 

Jason sighed and trailed behind his son as the little boy tried to run “super super fast!” down the halls of the Manor. Every day his steps became less of awkward stomping steps and more confident strides. 

Even if he did still wipe out on the floor pretty regularly. 

“Cookies!” Tommy announced excitedly when they reached the kitchen. 

“Only if you eat all of your dinner, Master Tommy,” Alfred said sternly moving them out of reach.

“Why don’t you show Grandpa how good you can kick your ball outside?” Jason suggested, spotting Bruce peaking in the doorway. 

“Oh, I’d be happy to-” Bruce began, his eyes getting that misty edge they always got whenever Jason told Tommy to call him Grandpa. Jason himself sort of found it funny, even if Bruce had ever really been much of a father to him or Dick, but he wasn’t unaware of what it meant to the man that Jason would consider them all family now. 

“Lets go,Letsgo!” Tommy said tugging Bruce out the backdoor. 

“I can’t decide if you’re being kind or enjoy watching Master Bruce fail to keep up with a child’s exuberance,” Alfred said mildly as Jason joined him at the counter to help with dinner prep. 

“A little of both?” Jason snickered, keeping an eye on the two out the window, “Bruce is even worse with small children than Dickie-”

Jason cut himself off and looked away, swallowing thickly. 

“Have you given any more thought to Master Bruce’s suggestion of marriage counseling?” Alfred asked, kindly not commenting. 

“Yeah, no, still not happening,” Jason snorted as he chopped vegetables, “counseling is for people trying to fix shit. There’s no fixing us Alfie.”

“Perhaps not,” Alfred inclined his head, “but a counselor could help verify the situation and your case for custody.”

“Don’t lie, Bruce wants us back together again,” Jason grumbled, handing his veggies over for some meat to cut.

“Master Bruce wants the two of you- and your son- to be happy,” Alfred corrected, “he may not be the best example of clean communication, but he is not totally unaware of its importance.”

“Right, sure,” Jason scoffed, “even if I did go, what would the point? Just one more person to be charmed by Dick and take his side over mine.”

“Hmm, that sounds dangerously like self contempt, Master Jason.” Alfred said, scraping the remaining ingredients into a dish and shooing Jason off to the table. 

“It’s just a fact Alfie,” Jason shrugged.

“Hmm,” Alfred hummed non committedly as he finished seasoning the dish and placed it in the fridge. 

Outside, Tommy took a huge kick at one of his balls, missed, and fell flat on his back. Bruce fluttered about anxiously as the boy picked himself back up and went at it again. 

“Have you given someone the chance to hear your side of the story?”

“Nobody would listen,” Jason said with certainty, “Besides, I’ve been told I’m not the greatest with words. At least not the kind that don’t piss people off.” 

“Why don’t you try writing a letter or an essay?” Alfred suggested as he checked the heat on the oven. 

“Huh?” Jason frowned, finally looking away from where Tommy was now happily chucking balls at Bruce to watch him deflect them all with ease.

It’d been one Tommy’s favorite games to play with Dick if he came home before the boy’s bedtime. The acrobat could twist dramatically out of the way in all different crazy positions while the toddler giggled in delight- Jason didn’t want to think about that. Not when it was over for good. 

“You’ve expressed some difficulty in laying out your case because of how emotionally charged the situation is, and I must say I agree with you there. I’m afraid that continuing to repeat that Master Dick is a ‘useless fucking Alpha prick’ as your sole argument is not going to help you much. However, I recall some of your teachers speaking very highly of the strength of some of your writing in school,” Alfred said, “as such, it may be wise to play to your strengths.”

Jason shifted uncomfortably and focused on Tommy abandoning his game to chase a bird in the yard. Writing it out… while it was true that he’d always been better at that, it still felt kind of lame. People should be able to just look at their situation and see that Jason was right. 

“Lawyers can do a lot, but we need your side of the story to even begin to figure out what’s best for Tommy. Not overarching insults and accusations, but a narrative that will bring support onto your side,” Alfred said, “Whatever the best method for getting that out, be it writing or perhaps telling a recording, you need to think about what you want to say.” 

“Like anyone would choose me over the Golden Child, no matter what I say,” Jason growled.

“I think that once you stop believing that the whole world is against you, you may find more allies than you expect,” Alfred said tapping a paper on the table. 

“What’s this?” Jason frowned, pulling it closer. 

“Information about some open positions at Gotham’s Public Library. Miss Gordon dropped it off the other day,” Alfred said with a small smile. 

“But… I don’t understand?” Jason said weakly, still staring at the paper. 

“It seems that although Miss Gordon loves Master Dick dearly, she is sympathetic to your position,” Alfred said going back to his meal prep. 

That… sort of made sense. She had almost married Dick at one point too, only to call it off later. 

“Really think about it,” Alfred said kindly, “I know you would not be pursuing a divorce lightly. Really think about the reasons why you want one. If Master Dick came in the door right now saying he wanted to get back together and promised to change, what might be your response?”

“Hell no,” Jason croaked, “I’ll never forgive him. He went too far, I can’t- I’ll never forgive him,” 

“Then why don’t you write me the reasons why that is,” Alfred said, “pick your top 3 reasons and write a couple paragraphs each flushing them out.”

“... that sounds so stupid,” Jason said uncomfortably. 

“Indeed?”

“... not really, but I just-” Jason rubbed his face in his hands. He already hated the hot acid-like feeling that twisted in his stomach when he thought of Dick. He didn’t really want to dwell on that feeling much less put words to it. 

“I think this will be good for you,” Alfred said finally setting down a cup of Jason’s favorite tea before settling next to him, “You’ve never… expressed your displeasure verbally about some of the things happening in your home during your visits, but between the few things that were hinted at and some of Dick’s comments when he called, I’d say this is a whole lot more complicated than the story currently circulating.” 

“Why the fuck would I have to- say fucking anything when none of them are going to believe me anyway?” Jason grumbled, which was really the heart of the issue, “They never have before, why the fuck would they start now?”

“This pack has not always- or often, I’m afraid- done right by you, I believe in the end they will stand by you,” Alfred said, then after a pause, “Perhaps even Master Dick.”

“Hah, I’ll believe that when I see it,” Jason snorted, finally lifting his head,  “but thanks. I’ll give it a shot, even if it’s just for you Alfie.”

“That’s all I can ask.”

[crewhonk]

Bet (1/4)

Summary: Through a series of bets made between the two of them, new literature teacher, YN YLN, gets closer to old physics teacher, Bucky Barnes

Words: 2K

Pairings: BuckyYN, Stony, Samtasha

_____________________

“Well, It’s likely not an accurate storytelling of Native Canadian culture, is it? I mean, Boyden was a white dude writing about native Canadians and profiting off of them when there are people that the money would actually help and be earned by someone who actually knows how deeply the wendigo legends can affect people.” Michelle said without raising her hand, and YN looked up from her place at the front of the class, a smile spreading over her face in pride. 

YN YLN was the newest addition to the staff at MidTown high school, and she was nothing short of a breath of fresh air. The young Literature teacher had only graduated from university a year and a half ago, taking a gap year to see the world before settling down in her home city of Queens, New York. She challenged her student in a way that they hadn’t been challenged by previous teachers— some of the things Michelle and Peter would tell her about previous English teacher, Brock Rumlow was revolting. 

Sure, he did only teach Literature on the side of his PE classes, but nevertheless. 

“Brilliant, Michelle.” She winked at her smartest student and Michelle couldn’t help but flush with pride, sinking deeper into one of the many couches YN had thrifted to fill her class with. 

“Now, before you all start packing up, I want you guys to know that all ten of your journal entries about ‘Brave New World’ are due this Friday. Yes, Eugene, this Friday.” She hummed, catching Flash grumble to his sidekicks. Flash’s head shot up and seeing YN already staring at him, he flushed and shouldered his backpack. 

When he bell rung, YN packed her things, waiting for the last student to leave before grabbing her keys and locking the door behind her and heading her way to the staff room. She greeted a few of the ninth graders sitting on the floor outside of her class and stepping over their bags and walking down the way. 

“YLN!” She heard a familiar voice call and she turned quickly to see Natasha Romanoff shutting the door to her honours history class and jogging to catch up to her. Natasha had proven to be a huge help in helping the younger teacher settle into the hustle and bustle of the school, and had also come out to be a very possible close friend. 

“How was your weekend?” She asked, falling into step with the younger teacher. 

“Boring, honestly. I just marked papers and binged ‘The Legend of She-Ra’ again.” She replied, and rolled her eyes playfully at the scoff that came from her friend. 

“You’re such a nerd it’s almost painful sometimes. Listen, there’s a barbecue at Sam and I’s place, and we’re inviting the whole staff. Its a beginning of the year tradition— you have to come.” Natasha smiled as she pushed open the staff room door. YN made a noise and walked in ahead of her and turned before she saw who was in the room. 

“I don’t know, I have a senior year class that’s giving me their journal entries for the book Rumlow made them read over the summer— which was ridiculous. Literally, how are you okay assigning homework over the holidays? And a book that complicated and expecting decent results? I’ve never met the guy but I’m happy he was fired.” YN ranted, and Natasha looked on fondly. 

“Listen, You’re new to the staff and you’ve barely met anyone but me and Sam and Steve. This would be great for you to do.” She begged and YN rolled her neck and turned away from her, eyes landing directly on the group of men crowded around a table and laughing loudly. 

Steve Rogers (Humanities), had his arm resting on the back of Tony Starks (Chemistry) chair— according to Natasha, it was pretty common for teachers to start relationships with each other here. Her and Sam Wilson (he also taught history) had been dating around two years, and Steve and Tony, guessing by the rings on their fingers, had been married quite some time. Sam glanced towards the door and upon seeing Natasha, shot up and made his way over to her. 

YN would have looked away as he kissed Natasha in greeting if she had been looking in the first place. Next to Steve sat the tall, beefy, brooding James Barnes. His long-sleeved shirt seemed about ready to tear at the strain his arms were having on it. His hair was tied into a bun at the nape of his neck, and a healthy amount of scruff seemed to have grown over the weekend. He was bantering back and forth with the other Physics teacher, Bruce Banner on an article that had come out on Sunday and while he seemed to be relaxed, he also seemed to be deeply amused by the way Bruce was getting so fired up over the subject. 

“Hey, Earth to rookie.” Sam’s voice broke her gaze away from Barnes, and without giving herself time to blush, she smiled up at Sam who seemed to be glaring at her already. 

“What did I do?” She asked immediately, and Sam only rose an eyebrow. 

“Someone tells me you’re thinking about bailing on this weekend feast? Did she forget to tell you this was an un-skippable event?” He explained and YN rolled her eyes, walking over to the coffee machine and filling her mug again— only adding two sweetener before taking a sip. 

“Someone must have forgotten that I have 300 journal entries to grade over the weekend.” She replied, cocking her head and looking at Natasha who only looked pleasantly annoyed. 

“So, let me get this straight. You’re going to stay home this weekend and skip a traditional barbecue to grade some homework that the teacher from last year left you?” Sam asked incredulously. 

YN pretended to think for a second before nodding and saying “Yep!”

“Dude, just give them all 80% and they’ll be happy.” He groaned, a slight whine entering his tone which happened to amuse YN more than anything else. 

“Yeah, and break Michelle Jones’ heart? I don’t think so.” She replied, and YN let her gaze flicker once more to the table in the corner by the window, heat flooding her body pleasantly when she saw James Barnes already looking at her. She watched as he held eye contact before letting his eyes drift over her form and taking in her outfit (flowing skirt and tucked in blouse) and heels before looking at her again and smiling kindly. 

“He’s going to be there, too,” Sam said, a smirk on his face that could almost rival Natasha’s. YN fought a sheepish smile and looked up at the couple and back to James, who had already dove deep back into conversation with Bruce. 

“I’ll, um— I’ll think about it.”

__________________________

YN was in the middle of shepherding her kids out to the courtyard for a class when she literally ran into James. He was running, already, and YN was amazed by his reflexes as he turned and caught her halfway through her fall. His arms were secure around her waist, and his eyes were wild with excitement— maybe less from their sudden proximity and more due to the fact that there was a group of teenagers behind him holding something that looked vaguely like homemade bottle rockets. 

He pulled her to stand, and found himself getting more and more nervous the longer he looked at her this close. 

“Im— um, I’m James Barnes.” He said, his voice strong, but nervous. He held out a hand and prayed it wouldn’t be as sweaty as he thought it was as she slipped her own hand into his. He was warm— the sudden heat made her arm hair stand on end, and he fought a shiver as the chill of her own palm rocketed down his spine. “But everyone calls me Bucky.”

“Come on, Bucky, let’s go!” A dark-skinned girl just behind him smirked and he whipped around in surprise before seeing who it was and pointing a finger down at her. 

“Watch it, America. I’m not afraid of taking that rocket away from you.” He said sternly, and she held her bottle protectively to her chest, sticking out her tongue playfully before retreating back to her friend group (who was laughing hysterically) consisting of Kate Bishop, Teddy Altman and Cassandra Lang (Scott Lang’s, (Biology) daughter). Eli Bradley and Rayshaun Lucas, who was in her class but also part of that friend group were giggling to each other. 

“I’m YN YLN.” She smiled, taking her hand away and shoving it in her skirt pocket to hide the way it shook nervously. In her other hand was ‘Three Day Road’ and on her shoulder was the ratty satchel that looked like it had seen better days. 

An expression of Overdramatic recognition flooded his face and he started walking towards the back entrance of the school beside her, their kids trailing behind them like lost ducklings. 

“The same YN YLN that would rather skip out on the barbecue and grade than have fun with her peers?” He teased and she laughed, throwing her head back. He ignored the way she went off balance and stepped closer to him. He definitely ignored the way their arms brushed for the fraction of a second. 

“You heard about that, huh?” She joked, pushing the doors open and taking a breath of fresh air. They walked across the schools back entrance road and made their way to the expanse of yard beside the track ring where the new gym instructor, Thor, was running laps alongside his students and helping their form and encouraging them with the largest smile. 

“I did, and I think you should come. It’s going to be fun, I swear on my life. You’ll be able to meet a few of the kids and everyone is bringing their dogs, so it should be great.” He stopped and told his class to walk a little further to the opening— somewhere safe they would be able to shoot off their rockets. 

YN turned to her class and told them to get comfortable as she dropped her bag at the place at the base of the tree they had stopped by. 

“The dogs make it even more convincing.” She quipped, now holding her book with both hands and looking up at Bucky. The students on the grass around them were watching them with rapt attention, soaking up this new interaction and getting ready to spread the gossip around the halls during lunch. 

“You’ll be able to meet Charlie,” He smiled, bouncing on his toes like an excited child. YN rolled her eyes and decided it would be in their best interest if she played along. 

“Who would that be?”

“My mastiff. He’s the biggest cuddle bug.” He smiled, and YN repressed a smile that mirrored his own. 

“I don’t know, Mr. Barnes—“ YN said uncertainly and he looked back to his class (not to hide the fact that he was blushing) who were waiting for him fifty feet away. He jumped with an idea ad ran to them, grabbing one purple hole hoop and jogging back, placing the hoop in the middle of her class and smiling at her.

“I’ll make a bet. If I get a bottle in this hoop, you have to come this weekend. If I don’t, you can stay at home and grade.” He smiled and YN just smiled and shook her head, sitting down against the base of the tree and squinting up at him. 

“Fine. Now, go do your job, Barnes. You’re being inappropriate.” She chided half-heartedly and he shoved his hands in his pockets and strut away. She looked back at her class who were already watching her with the most amused expressions. 

“What?”

“I don’t know if this reminds anyone else of Mr. Wilson in sophomore year trying to get with Miss. Romanoff?” Eli piped up and the rest of the class seemed to remember the story fondly, murmuring to each other and glancing back to Mr. Barnes who was setting his rocket station up. He looked focussed and determined, and YN felt her heart flutter with hope. 

“Turn to page 108, please everyone.” She said, cutting off the chatter and waiting for everyone to do so. She nodded to Michelle in front of her and asked her to begin reading. Just as Michelle opened her mouth to begin, a plastic soda bottle landed dead centre in the middle of the class. There was a crowd of ‘whoop!’s’ and YN spun her head to look over at Bucky Barnes, who had two fists raised in the air and the brightest smile on his face. 

“See you at Wilsons, YLN!”

________________________

PART TWO 

[deathofbat]

Chapter 3

A year passed, Raven and Damian live now in Canada with Martha. Damein Works as a engineer for a small company.

He works at home most of the times,he wants to spend as much as time possible with his family.

Raven works as a teacher in their small city.

They live near the city Mackenzie.

Everything was perfect for Damien.

He had love of his life, his daughter and he left his past self behind.

Meanwhile in Gotham Bruce Was still sad that Damien left him.

He started working more alone.

He sents Jason in long missions all the time. He does not talk or see afred a lot.

He visits justice league 1 time in a month.

He was sent back to the time when he started being batman. He stop being Bruce Wayne when Damien left.

He feared nothing anymore. Criminals in Gotham feared more and more eveynight.

He sent Joker to the space prison where league portects.

He was losing hope and happiness more and more eachday when Alfred and Jason brought the good news.

Bruce:What is it afred?

Alfred:I got Letter from master Dick and lady cory.

Bruce:What does it say?

Jason:He is getting married next month before Thanksgiving,He wants to have a family dinner with everybody at his house this sunday,two from now.

Bruce:Who is going to be there?

Jason:For now that i know of are Me,Alfred,Tim,Barbara,katey and you.

Bruce:What about him?

Jason:I'm going tomorrow to bring him.

Bruce:Where is Dick's house?

Jason:He Lives near Portland in a farm. Maybe you need a break?

Bruce:I have a meeting in hall of justice league i don't know when I'm going to come back.

Jason:(Sigh)You know what's the difference between me and Dick,Tim and Damien?

Bruce:You came back?

Jason:No,I don't see you as a father, i see you as a big brother. I came back because you needed me but you kept pushing me away. Just don't ruin this for dick.

After Jason left Bruce got in batplane and headed to hall of justice.

Jason went to airport to get on the plane visit Damien and give him the invitation.

(In hall of justice):

Superman:Finally you are here.

Batman:I won't stay for long.

They league talked about the problems and the situation of the world.

Batman was quite all the meeting.

After the meeting Superman and Batman

Started talking in the hall.

Superman:Why don't you come over for dinner tonight.

Batman:I can't i have to be back in Gotham at night.

Superman:It's just one night bruce.

Batman:If you don't feed wild dogs for one day what happens?

Superman:They get Hungary.

Batman:And what does hunger do?

Superman:it starves them.

Batman:No,it makes them more wild, more Dangerous. That's what Gotham is,Gotham is wild dog and i keep feeding it fear and order,if i don't feed it for one day it gets wilder.

Superman:Bruce I'm just trying to help.

Batman:I don't need your fucking help

Superman:How long are you going to do this ha? Two more years?,ten more years?

Batman:I'm gonna keep doing this until i die and when i die i will take the city criminals with me to Hell.

Batman left the hall after that conversation.

He was entering his plane when wonder woman stopped him.

Batman:Make it quick Please.

Wonder women: Bruce i wanted to ask you if you are interested to go Clark's house for dinner.

Bruce:I'm sorry diana i can't.

Diana:I heard dick is going to marry.

Bruce: Yes,He asked me to visit him and have a family dinner.

Diana:Are you going?

Bruce:I'm not sure.

Diana:When is it?

Bruce:This Sunday

Diana:If you needed someone to go with I'm free.

Bruce:I think about it.

Diana:Take care Bruce.

Bruce:You too.

It's Saturday morning Damien just woke up. He walks down stairs when he sees Jason having breakfast and Raven drinking her coffee.

Damien:Wow, been a long time huh?

Jason:yes its been.

They both stand up get closer and hug.

Jason:You fucking bastard, where have you been.

Damien:Well i been busy.

Jason:Yeah i can see, Your house look great.

Damien:lets sit.

Jason:How is Martha?

Damien:She is good.

Raven:She is Turning 6 next week.

Jason:Wow,it's been that long.

Damien:So what brings you here?

Jason:What can i just visit my brotherm

Damien:oh no i didn't mean it that way.

Jason:I'm kidding, you went soft damien.

Damien:Well i wanted to give Martha a normal life.

Jason:Dick is getting married,He wants a family dinner by his house Tomorrow.

Damien:Wow,I'm happy for him but i don't know if i can come... .

Raven:We will be there.

Jason:Great here are the plane tickets. We leave togheter tonight see you at airport.

Raven:Don't you want to stay for dinner?

Jason:I can't I need to bring my plus one as well (Said with a smile and left the house).

Damien:Why did you said yes?

Raven:Dick is like a brother to you and cory is like a sister to me,I have to be there for cory.

Damien:What if he is there?

Raven:So what?,i understand he made a mistake but you have to forgive at some points.

Damien:I Know but it's just hard to trust him again.

Raven: I know but Martha needs to know who she is and who is her family.

Damien:(Sigh) I was in a dark place and you pulled me out and someone put me agian in that dark place and you pulled me out again.

Raven:I pulled you out because i needed a light, A shoulder to put my head on.

Damien:He wanted me to be the next Batman.

Raven:Why?,why not dick or jason or tim.

Damien:Because to be Batman You need to live in that dark place,Be that dark place,Die in that dakr place, Dick,jason,Tim didn't want That but I wanted.

Martha:Daddy daddy I saw grandpa Bruce in my dream(hugs damien).

Damien:What did you saw in that dream.

Martha:I saw you crying because you couldn't see grandpa before he went to sleep.

Raven:Sweety me and your dad have a surprise for you.

Martha:What is it?

Raven:We are going to Visit all of the family with uncle Jason.

Martha:yay,i can't wait to see everybody.

[foolscapper]

Exploding Head Syndrome: A MCU Post-IW Fanfic | Ch. 1

(READ IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER.)

It takes two years for them to right everything. Two long years — most of it spent in chaotic shades of tears, screaming, silent defeat, and a very unsuccessful five stages of grief for everyone involved. It's a world where billions of people have all had their candle wicks pinched in tandem between ugly purple fingers, their lights gone out in the pits of their mourning loved one's stomachs. There was not enough time in the day for funerals, not enough room or money for smoothed gravestones, and far too many people that will never, ever be identified as dead. Those people, the ones without families and friends, they simply never existed. Perhaps in the backgrounds of neighborhood photos they weren't meant to be a part of, but ultimately? They are vagabonds who just blew away in the wind.

And those who did have people left behind, who mourned and prayed for them?

They were just memories on walls.

Nobody from their team of heroes took their noses out of books or their eyes off screens, carving out new and old information on celestials, on resurrection, on righting the wrongs done by an arrogant bastard who decided to snap his fingers and purge the universe of any happiness; that same purple bastard had vanished without another word, and Thor had paced through the Avengers headquarters those first days with guilt etched into the lines of his weary face. His brown and blue set of eyes looked into Tony's, and his lips had pulled into something of a haunted grimace, and he said with no ounce of doubt, "This could have been over, had I aimed for the head."

The half of the Asgardians that Thanos had spared came to earth just a few months after; they filled in the broken pieces of a fractured glass Wakanda that had been devastated by the loss of their king. It was an intellectual gathering, more than anything, a concoction of mad sciences that would yield more together than apart. Steve Rogers kept in touch with them, eyes and ears waiting to be sated by something fruitful, about Thanos and his whereabouts.

They didn't need flip phones because they lived down the hallway from each other, and sometimes when Tony wasn't pouring through information with Bruce, he was letting the captain talk his ear off about world news that might matter if Tony would let it. With every passing day, the Sokovia Accords became a relic, something from the old world. The fight in Germany almost didn't feel real anymore. But it was, and it had been the catalyst in meeting a young man from Queens who loved Alt-J and Star Wars.

The scroll bar on the missing children's pages Tony's accrued is so tiny, he can barely see it on his screen. He sits there at the kitchen table while Morgan sits on his lap and slams blocks around like a tiny radioactive dinosaur. And he's tired and regretful as every face seems to blur and morph into Peter's (his goofy shirts, his awful Mets hat, the fifth Jansport backpack that month). Pepper makes Tony coffee, rubs his shoulders, makes breakfast for their daughter. He looks at both of them every day and reminds himself he doesn't deserve them.

Rhodey brings updates from Ross, as an exasperated courtesy more than anything.

Tony also cares very fucking little about that, too. Natasha is in full agreement.

Oh, and the raccoon stuck around, too. Two years, and Tony Stark made friends with a kleptomaniac trash panda who lost almost every person he's ever come to love, and the blue chick might as well be counted among the lost, because she hit the atmosphere running and never stopped (but if there's anyone Tony would bet on for killing Thanos through hate alone, Nebula might be able to accomplish it before supper). Rocket heads out from time to time to try and find clues in the deep reaches of space — "Where's Thanos? Have you seen where he ran off to? Where's that ugly son of a b—" And you know, it ends about as successfully as the last time the little garbage bear rolls back in. Truth be told, he likes Rocket a lot. Good eye for tech, familiar snark used to push people away, a raging hate-boner for a certain mass murderer...

Ah, yes. The bastard who sacrificed his daughter, go fucking figure. Tony looks at Morgan's freckled face as he changes the umpteenth diaper that day and can't fathom the concept of being her end. It's horror fiction, the pages ripped out of books conjured to be nothing more than a terrible daydream of a bored writer. 

It's the same horror fiction where Peter clings to him sobbing for help, falling when his legs disintegrate underneath him. 

Tony looks for that kid everywhere, despite knowing exactly where he is.

He waves the photograph in Pepper's face, inches from her, the sharp juts of his fingernails biting into the Polaroid like dog teeth — (retroware, a camera found in a dumpster, delicately and lovingly re-mantled into a working camera, pictures snapped in quiet labs on lazy Sundays where Tony pretends the kid shouldn't be there) — but Pepper just looks at him like he's a wild man, and maybe he is, with owlish imploring eyes and unkempt hair, but nobody is listening, they just talk about their day and nobody is looking at this kid in this photograph: the kid with the curvy brown hair and pinching, smiling eyes and thin lips, he's only a kid, he's missing, does nobody see that? But Pepper just puts her hands up at the sides of her head and shrugs like he's out of his mind, and she's talking about being behind schedule —

"Tony, honey, there's nothing there — I don't know what you want me to see." And she is getting progressively more furious at him, because there's nothing, but he can clearly see this teenaged boy's face looking back at him when he turns the image back to himself: he's in the lab, Tony took the picture (say cheese, and the kid said provolone, because he's a massive nerd, but Tony would have done it too, so what does that make him), and no, Peter's not in the lab, he's not anywhere. Not in the ground, not in an urn, not standing on his feet, not stuck to his hands.

"No. No no no, look at him, why - why are you not looking at him?" Tony asks, curled fingers pecking over the shirt on his chest, right where his blue heart used to be, and he's so fucking angry that Happy said it Pepper said it Steve said it Everyone says it, the same thing, different voices: "It's a black box, Tony. It's just a black box. The picture's not developed. Something got screwed up, sorry."

He looks at the photo again and wants to see a black box, wants this to just end, but he knows it can't. In the Polaroid, the kid is tied to a chair in sweltering heat in the middle east, under the shadow of cave walls, streaked with mud and blood and wet from torture, and Tony has it on good authority the human body was not made to live in the sea, not made to breathe the deep dark waters in a two-foot basin of murky water. But Pepper looks right through the photo every time and asks him if he's remembered to water the ugly office plant she put on his desk — he shoves it off and it smashes all over, dirt underfoot crunching with the same texture as Titan. The desk is covered in nothing but Polaroids of every waking fear he's had, but they all swear on their lives—

"They're all just black boxes."

He wakes up with a strangled sound of panic, the sheets ripped out from under Pepper's soft pale arms, and she darts awake alongside him with little choice in the matter. He isn't sure how to even begin to explain the nightmare, so he doesn't, which seems adequate enough for her at this point; she instead rakes kind fingernails over his scalp and he lets himself rest in his own sweat, until eventually it dries up with her ability to stay awake with him. But there's no sleeping now. Which is fine, because not an hour later Morgan's crying in a crib that Tony doesn't let leave their room. She's smart — not quite two yet, but she's got an eye for how to get what she wants. She slaps her hands on the bars like she's a chubby convict and says, "Juice!" like she hasn't already had enough juice in the day to turn into a berry.

"... I got her," he says with feigned exasperation, but more than anything, he just wants to hold onto the kid and remind himself she won't crumble into dust. He walks her through the hallways and stares out large windows, places where the memory of Peter Parker ghosts the halls in Tony's mind. He stands where Peter watched in boyish awe as the jets took off — where he'd lead him down a path towards reports and a new suit. Regrets dance like spots in his vision. Run along now, young buck. 

He misses the others, too. He thinks about them often, wants to get them back from the jaws of death.

But everyone knows Peter is a special case, for him. A special mission set aside to complete.

There's an aunt across the city that somehow manages to get up and go to work every day. She's all that's left of a family she'd married into — the last Parker, putting unopened Christmas and birthday presents in a room that hasn't been touched in two fucking years. Tony doesn't know how she does it, after the Parkers and her husband's death; perhaps it's not always the abundance of loss that breaks someone; perhaps it's the abundance of loss that helps steel them for the next blow.

Either way, he gives her as many promises as he can muster, and she just nods like she can actually trust him.

"If it isn't the terrible terror," Rocket slurs from the end of the walkway, as he rounds the bend. Tony can't believe his eyes; he's sure there must be some youtube video out there of a raccoon holding a vodka bottle, but seeing it in person is another thing altogether. The short-statured creature adds, "Not the gremlin baby, I mean you."

"Robbet!" Morgan says, gleeful and unaware of just how alike her and Rocket's walking performances would be toe-to-toe. 

Tony is less enthused.

"Did you — Did you fly back drunk?" And really, he's not one to talk after some of the stunts he pulled in his suits, but when he looks out the window there's a clearly tipped over spaceship on the front lawn of the headquarters, almost meeting the tarmac where the quinjet resides. 

Rocket wags a paw at him like he's nuts. "Seemed like the thing to do. You Terran nimrods are great at it."

"You could've hit the building, you jackass," he hisses, "There are people sleeping here you could've killed."

"Wouldn't be the worst way to go out on this stupid planet."

"You're so lucky I'm holding a toddler, or I'd kick you in the head."

"Bring it, old man." But the longer the squabbling goes, the more Rocket seems to completely lose whatever steam he has. They end up sitting right against the big glass windows, and Tony lets Morgan rub her grubby hands all over the panels, because he's pretty sure the cleaners here prefer her messes over the ones Tony leaves in the labs (you know, the ones that almost start fires). The kid eases something inside him, and he's not one to recommend having a kid as therapy (because it definitely didn't solve his panic over being a shit dad), but it at least keeps him grounded. Gives him perspective. Focus.

"Robbet," she commands, fidgeting with Rocket's ear. The raccoon's gotten used to the attention, so much so that he just lets it be, and Tony watches expectantly for words he knows are gonna come sooner or later. This isn't the first time Rocket's stumbled in like this, though he'd hesitate to say it's common enough for an AA meeting. 

"Nothin's out there, Stark," he says tiredly. "Thanos is in the wind after we pinned him in the rice terraces. Nebula's out there givin' her... I was gonna say blood, sweat, and tears, but I dunno how much of her is even left t'do that. But the universe is too damn big." He rubs his eyes tiredly in a way that is obscenely human. "We ain't ever gonna get the bastard, much less reverse the damage. I can't keep putting off..."

"Mourning?"

Rocket and Tony lock eyes for a moment, the billionaire's face unreadable.

Rocket looks away, and for once, he can't usher up a snarky, assholish retort. 

"Mourning."

And Tony could understand that much. The world has already been grieving and crying it out, but the Avengers? They haven't allowed themselves to do it. Scott's got his kid, and he's all his kid has now — the cops had found her wandering a park alone, crying for Ant-Man to save them, and Tony's paid for therapy but fuck if that always helps. Clint refuses funerals for the two children he and his wife lost, not until Tony can look him in the eye with complete certainty and say 'there's nothing else we can do'. And Tony is not gonna lie about that shit, not even for a moment. Steve always chases for Bucky, and Tony expects as much (both in a fond way, and in a resentful way that makes him wanna strangle the bastard; what, we can't all be perfect at making up)... He also talks about Wanda and Vision and Sam often, and the room always descends into pained silence by the time they both realize how many people they've lost.

"Sorry I called you a gremlin," Rocket suddenly says, and Tony's confused for a moment before he glances over and finds Morgan sitting between Rocket's legs, cupping his furry face in her hands like she's trying to figure out why his beard is so much more out of control than her father's. Suffice to say, the drunk raccoon eventually passes out against the window, and Natasha makes her cameo in the shaded moonlight long enough to click her tongue and heft the creature up. Usually it'd be a more violent affair, but he's so out cold, he doesn't even so much as twitch.

"I'll get him in the recovery position, I guess," she says with a quirk of her brow. 

One time he'd asked her in a moment of admittedly godawful anger how she managed to be a stone-faced robot in the wake of all of this; she had slammed him down onto a table and said it was the hardest thing someone can ever do.

"Could always throw him into a tree," is his reply, and she smirks — but tucks Rocket in, regardless.

They're all he's got now.

Two weeks later, Captain Marvel gives them the location of Thanos.

One week after, Thanos is dead and Bruce and Tony are staring at the melted, twisted remains of a gauntlet adorned with six stones.

It's a full month, when the snap is finally undone.

"W-what the flying fuck just happened?"

Probably not the most eloquent way Peter Jason Quill, Star-Lord and fearless leader of the Guardians of the Galaxy, could have reclaimed his life and body, but that's the way it happened. One moment his sinking despair had been blown away in the wind with the rest of his crumbled body; the next, he's gasping for air like a newborn baby with his hands on his chest — unable to breathe, unable to think, unable to do anything but feel helpless and lost. Then his name comes back to him, his age, where he's from, followed by the first of many memories: his mother and him, making cookies with The Rolling Stones blaring on an old radio in the background. 

Then all of it follows like a stampede trampling over each other: the ravagers, Ego, celebrations full of booze and old 70's and 80's hits with his team; he groans pitifully and remembers too suddenly that his mother is dead, Yondu is dead, Gamora is dead — and then he cries like he's never cried before in his goddamn life. Like, full-bodied sobbing, harder than he's ever allowed himself in the last thirty years. His fingers curl in rough alien soil and every nerve in his body is alight with something he can't really explain, leaving him shivering. When all is said and done, it's cathartic, but his head is pounding and his eyes are red and wet and — and his legs don't want to work, exactly, so he drags himself into sitting and stares all around him with a helpless, sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Where are the others? 

Drax crawls out from behind the rubble with a bit-back curse as if summoned by Peter's sheer will alone, and Strange floats down from god knows where. Both of them wipe their faces and breathe like they'd just run a marathon, one you'd sprint for — to try and escape the returning memories. The questions bubbling under the surface can wait (when, why, how, who, where; where the fuck is Thanos so I can kick his head in and ignore the aching guilt of the stupid shit I've done). Peter's lips curl into a relieved grin despite himself and he staggers to his feet, rushing to meet Drax before the lumbering warrior can collapse on his knees; he steadies the two of them, and between four colt-like legs, they make it work until they can move on their own. 

"Drax, holy shit. I'm so happy to see you right now, I saw you and — where's Mantis? And... Stark and the kid?" 

He's not gonna pretend the last two weren't cliff notes in his order of priorities, compared to Mantis. That's his sister, his family, and his heart is pounding at the thought of losing anyone else from his team... because Gamora's so fresh in his mind, an abrasion so new and raw and — don't think about it, Quill, don't think about it right now, not until you can make it to a ship and find somewhere to lick the wounds. It's so hard to breathe, so hard to keep his memories in check. Judging from the pinched expression Drax has, he can only imagine the miserable television show going on in that thick skull of his. He had family, he had a life, a home, and now it's all coming back in thunderous waves. 

Drax perks. "I hear her. This way!"

And like clockwork, Mantis sobs more loudly from over the hill of debris, and Peter is already leaping over and down it, displacing rubble in his wake. It claws him up as he goes, but what's one more injury if it means getting to his team sooner? Add another wound to the dozens lanced in his heart, whatever, he can take it. What he can't take is finding someone he loves gone again because he wasn't good enough—

("I love you, more than anything.")

"Mantis! Shit, dammit — hang on, we're coming, hang on!" He skids to a stop at the bottom with Drax hot on his heels, and it's only there that he's relieved to find she's unhurt, curled up and sitting on her legs; her back is trembling, hands poised in front of her — no, no, hands pressed to the temples of a crumpled figure with shaggy brown hair and a terribly youthful face. He swallows hard at the sight, guilt coiling in his guts, because he had made this kid a footnote in his concerns all but fifteen seconds ago.The other Peter.

("Peter, huh? Samesies!" the spider kid laughs.)

The kid is on his back, and his eyes are open, face lax under Mantis' shivering fingertips. Quill automatically assumes the worst: that he didn't make it, because even if his skin has a healthy color, he doesn't look alive. Why didn't... he come back, too? What went wrong? Crouching down beside his friend, he examines the boy and his listless gaze that looks right through him, right through everything. A death stare. He's seen so many in his life — from ravagers and enemy alike — that he doesn't question it further than that.

"... Mantis, it's okay," he says softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. "He's gone. We gotta move."

"No, no, Peter," she weeps, freezing him with her desperation, "You're wrong. He's still here. I can feel him. But th-there's so much pain — something is wrong, and it hurts."

"She's right," Strange says with a surprisingly soft voice, "He's still breathing."

Quill watches with wide eyes the rise and fall of the kid's chest, and then the surprising drip of tears into the shells of Peter's ears.

"It hurts," Mantis says again, black hair curtaining her pained expression. "He's further and further away. I can't do anything. He is so afraid."

Peter Parker's eyes are open, half-lidded, without any sign of life behind them. But Quill feels like every word Mantis sobs is a memory he can't quite bring into focus... like — like a dream he'd forgotten in the time he'd been nothing but ash. Like a beacon, scrambling all of his senses and blinding him just before he had burst back to life from under the current of death. He remembers a snippet of what it was like on the other side, rolling over and over like he's stuck in a sea — a sea of souls. He remembers it was the kid's voice, calling out from oblivion as they were hoisted back into their bodies.

He remembers hearing his own voice... remembers saying, thinking, screaming: Hang on, kid, I got you!

— it hurts, it hurts, it hurts—

He puts his hand gently on Peter Parker's cheek.

It's warm. His body breathes in steady rhythm.

So why isn't there any life behind those eyes?

The lab is quiet, save for the rambling of an excited high-schooler bragging about their odds at the new decathlon competition. Tony doesn't really mind so much, though he's not about to tell that to the kid sitting there in his old thrift shop sweater; the same kid whose hair is curling out of control now, escaping the prison of hair gel he adds in the early morning. Peter's always so animated with his hands, most of all — always fidgeting, always moving, always so eager to sign and gesture faster than Peter's mouth can move.  "And Ned's got a brand new video-game he's dying to try out, but I dunno if he can handle it; it's a horror game, you know? He's kind of a big softy — oh."

Tony glances at Peter with a scoff and a raised eyebrow, though his smirk fades a little at what has drawn the kid's already battered attention span from the conversation. Peter holds an old trophy in front of him that he had taken off the nearest shelf: a replica, actually, but still no less important. It's the arc reactor, etched with those intimate, familiar words that Pepper still whispers to him when they're alone and living in their own little world.

"Aaww, look at that," Peter says with a playful smile, pressing the trophy against his chest, where the reactor would've resided in Tony's.  "... Proof that Tony Stark has a heart."

Peter's smile softens painfully, his eyes reflecting a long and sad goodbye before he crumbles away into nothing.

[imgoldielikehawn]

Once Mine Always Mine  Part 8

Rating/ Mature (Smut, Death, Violence, Mental Illness, Abuse)

Pairing/ Jared Letos Joker X WOC 

Word Count/ 1,868

Master List  and Part 7

AN/ Well I know its been absloutley forever I hope you enjoy this! its one of my off the wall projects but I love a rotten love story.. what can I say? LOL feedback is appreciated! 

Forever Tag List: @sparklemichele​ @readsalot73​ @oddsnendsfanfics​ @titty-teetee​ @lupy22​ @kenzieam​ @harleycativy​ @laketaj24​ @beltz2016​ @beltzboys2015-blog​ @galaxygimger1234​ @asadmelon​ @wilddrabble @captstefanbrandt @yessscolbybrock​ @oneday-i-will-fight-luke17​ @jdroman5432​ 

Joker Tags: @harleycativy​ @ariwolff14​

PAST

  Pulling up to the club I left strict instructions for the girls on how to proceed for the night and then got back in my car. The drive to my warehouse wasn’t far and I knew I would need a few things before I left.

My heels clicked as they hit the concreate ground on the way to the door. First things first I thought as the guard let me through the metal door. “Time to do away with this hair color.”

 “Did you bring what I asked?” I turned to Misha.

 “Yeah boss. Its in the kitchen.” She gestured to the room down the hall and I followed her down to the large open kitchen. It was empty except for the basic kitchen amenities and a few chairs. I dropped down into the one closest to the sink. The whole time Misha was bleaching my hair I watched in awe as my hair went from black to almost white to green. She took her time coming and blow drying my hair as she finished up.

 When I  myself in the mirror she held up for me I was shocked and pleased with the drastic change. I grabbed my weapons and keys and then I remembered that this hair changed called for an outfit change too. I decided on a purple leather dress and knee high boots.

 “Misha bring the car around.” I said grinning. I looked in the mirror one last time before applying my MAC Lipstick and heading out the door.

 We pulled up to an enormous house and Misha parked out front, it didn’t take long for my door to be opened and I followed the valet up to the large house where he escorted me into the siting room just inside the door. I hugged my green fur close to my body to combat the chill. The man led me to an office where he showed me to a seat and brought me a small glass of brandy.

 “The Master will be with you shortly.” He said before bowing out of the room. In a few moments a second door opened and the Mayor of this shit town walked in to the room.

 “Audrey, its been a long time since I’ve seen you, how are things?” He asked before pouring himself a glass and going to stand by the window.

 “Things are the same father, thank you for asking.” I took a swing of my drink and set it down onto the glass table.

 My father and I had never quite gotten along but he did love all the money my club brought in. We’d always had a sour relationship because we were exactly the same. When I was two years old my mother was killed in the crossfire of one of my fathers business meetings and I had never quite forgiven him for it. He’s since then remarried to an awful woman and we hardly had contact after I turned 18.

 “I really didn’t come here to chat father, I came on business. As you know I've had some uncomfortable dealings with the Joker these last few months.” I stood from my seat.

 “Ah, yes I had heard that. Has everything been settled. I cant stand unwanted chaos and as long as that clown is kept at bay my life remains unaffected.” He shook his head and frowned.

 The thought that my father allowed all the bad in the city to happen as long as his pockets remained full disgusted me. I knew my criminal genes came from somewhere but he was a monster all his own.

 “He made me an offer I could not refuse daddy, so I sold him the club.” I said this casually knowing just how much this news would rattle my father. It wasn’t true but he need not know that. I watched as he sputtered and chocked on his brandy. He turned several shades of red as he coughed and before he could catch his breath I reached for the gun tucked into my fur coat.

  “You know its your fault mother died, then you married that awful woman and hardly batted an eye at mothers death. So I propose a toast.” I bent down and used my free hand to grab my glass from the table and raised it to eye level.

 “Audrey… what-t are you..” My father stammered with wide eyes as I raised the pistol to my temple.

 “I SAID I PROPOSE A FUCKING TOAST!” I yelled a grin spread across my face as I watched my father shakily raised his glass while stammering and pleading with me to put the gun down.

 “To my mother, the woman I loved and the woman you killed!” I laughed and tossed back the drink. I pulled back the hammer and took a few steps closer to my father

So I could get a closer look as he fell apart.

 “Goodnight Father..” I licked my lips and moved my finger to the trigger.

 “NO NO NO NO AUDREY PLESE DON’T DO THIS! WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE IT UP!” He screamed hysterically.

 “I thought you’d never ask” I frowned.

 “BANG!” The shot rang out and my fathers blood splattered my face and chest.

        PRESENT

   We got out of the tumbler and took the elevator to the main level of the house. I had a few scrapes and bruises from where The Jokers hands had dug in and the glass had cut my skin. My first instinct was to turn to Bruce but he was already gone. I sighed and sought solace in a nice warm shower. The water ran over my shoulders and sore skin, I could feel myself relaxing and the weight of the day seemed to melt from my shoulders; however, that meant my thoughts were swimming with the scenes between me and Mistah J and it didn’t take long for the voices to speak up as well.

  “We told you he was looking for you, worried sick he was! You stupid girl!” They snapped.

  “No, he didn’t want us I was sure of it. Stop talking!” I whined back.

 “Look what you’ve done! Gone and told Mistah J that we loved someone else!” Their voices curled around my brain like a noose.

 “I do love someone else! I wanna be with Bruce I don’t wanna be crazy for Mistah J anymore I want to be normal! Just go away!” I sobbed desperately

 “You know the rulessssss once Property of Mistah J, Always Property of Mistah J!” The voices in my head laughed in unison as I sobbed outwardly.

 After my shower I crawled into bed and lie still looking at the ceiling thoughtfully. Was this to be my life? Forever trapped in between who I want to be and who I am. Would there ever come a day when I spent more moment living in the present than fretting over the past?

Would the voices ever quiet? And my least favorite question; would I return to The Joker?……….

   PAST

  I didn’t go looking for The Joker after I killed my father but it did not take long for him to find me.

 I was standing in the bathroom at my penthouse washing the blood off my face when I heard a commotion coming from the living room. So I rushed to see what was going on snatching my gun from the sink.

  ”WELL WELL WELL! If it isn't the insane AUDREY COLT!” The Joker exclaimed.

 “What are you doing here Mistah J?” I said firmly and maintaining my distance.

 “IM here for you of course Doll! You did it! I cant believe you killed the Mayor of Gotham and all for little ol ME ME ME!” He stepped forward and flung out his gold coattails.

 “Step right up and claim your prize!” He held his pale tattooed hand out towards me and I watched his icy eyes glisten with malice.

 “Mistah J.” I said in a tone barely above a whisper.

 “Come here Doll, NOW!” He snapped whilst reaching forward and snatching my hand. I lifted my gun and he grinned wildly.

 “You gonna shoot daddy? Deja Vu!!!!” He laughed tossing my gun away.

 I was frozen. I didn’t know what to do or more importantly what he would do next.

 “You’re so good…” He pulled me against him and then stared at me closely. His cold hands roamed my body as though he was assessing merchandise instead of holding a human being. “Why’d you dye your hair! I hate it!” He sneered before running his hands gently through my green curls.

 “EVERYONE GET OUT!” He yelled and let off a single shot causing his henchmen and mine to scatter.

 When the room was empty besides us two he reached behind me and lowered the zipper to my purple leather dress and my skin responded to his cool touch. He turned me around slowly and continued to lower the zipper until it reached the end. I swear I could hear him gasp at my black Lace Bra and thong. My pooled around my feet and I felt his pistol in my back beckoning me to step forward and out of it.

 “Mistah J..” I said into the quiet room. He turned me back around and cupped my chin like he used to.

 “Don’t be scared Doll, Daddys not going to hurt you. I'm going to make you feel good.” He was so close to my face that I could smell his intoxicating cologne and minty breath. He placed a rough and possessive kiss against my lips and ran his tongue against my bottom lip. I parted my lips and moaned as he explored my mouth.

 His cool fingertips circled my nipple until it became a hardened bud. He pulled out a small knife with a green and purple blade and my eyes met his as he slid the blade under the center of my bra and sliced in easily in half. My breasts exposed causing my face and neck to flush with warmth. He sheathed the knife and slipped his hands in between my thighs.

 “You’re soooo wet for me doll… After I fuck you… you’ll belong to me.” He whispered deeply as he began to work my throbbing clit.

 “I already am…” I breathed. My mind was gone and there was no turning back.

 “Oh Audrey… you haven't seen a fucking thing yet……” He chuckled.

[satire-please]

My Teeth Are Like Swords

Summary: Because I like the irony of Tim Drake being a fire-breathing Drake too much...

Tim waits under the huge clock at City Hall for midnight. He doesn’t know why all city halls like to sport a giant clock like it’s all the rage, but whatever. It seems like the best place for a bit of melodrama. (Besides, he’s taken tips from the best drama queen cough starts with a ‘B’ and rhymes with juice cough). The hand strikes the top and the clock booms, each gong vibrating his body underneath the clock face and finally—finally—Tim turns eighteen.

And Tim Drake Wayne gets what he’s been waiting for.

Sparks crackle under his tongue as his pupils narrow for a moment to take in the stars through the miles of smog. His skin ripples impatiently as his mother’s magic bubbles up and wakes in his bones at last. Finally, he thinks rubbing his chest at the fire that freaking hurts thank you very much right under his sternum. That’s gonna take awhile to get used to. Finally, he smiles when he looks down his shirt to see the muted glow flickering in time with his heartbeat. Ready to burn when necessary.

It's beyond totally rad.

Awaking his inner core is like being Robin for the first time again. Where everything is brand new: the sights, the smells, even the air tastes fresh with chemicals Tim can only begin to decipher coating his roof of his mouth. His heart beats hard at how exciting and dangerous it all is, just enough to make normal people run away screaming.

But then again when has he ever been normal?

Not since Mother set him on her knee to tell him what he is, what she is. Tim absentmindedly pulls off a gauntlet to claw the side of the building, trying to soothe his itching and aching nails as flashes of her pass through his mind.

Like the night when Mother thawed enough to remember her duties to her clutch egg. The eight-year-old boy fitting tight in her lap as she tends to his hands.

“We’re lucky your claws are soft enough for obsidian,” she muses as she efficiently moves from digit to digit, the volcanic glass snipping quickly. “When you’re older you'll have to grind them down with something more...durable, metal for instance, over and over to sharpen them to your liking.”

(Like he’s doing now. Augh. He’ll have to find a parking garage or something. Somewhere loud enough to cover the screeching nails on chalkboard sound, somewhere where the grooves he’s making will go unnoticed.)

The boy bounces once or twice and then bites his lip. “Mother?”

“Yes, my pet?”

“Did you marry Dad because his name was Drake?” Tim asks, looking up. There’s a scale somewhere at the base of her jaw, he just knows it.

“No.” But her tone mildly suggests otherwise. At Tim’s sceptical face she adds, “It might have made me more susceptible to his advances, however.”

“Oh my gosh, you so did.” His mom kept his dad over a pun.

Janet hums, bemused at her clutch child. What a silly thing. When his nails are done, she grooms his hair, double-checking for signs to hide. A charm or two can go a long way. Besides, she and Jack leave in the morning and it will not do for one of hers to be unkempt. Sometimes she wonders if the only reason she convinces Jack to return is for this, to sate the itch, the biting lips, the shaking of her fingers that will only stop if she checks and accounts for the hoard. Not that her human mate knows that everything in the quiet mansion is a part of her treasure.

“Are you ever going to tell Dad?”

“Tell him what?” She goes still. Her child is growing clever too fast. Not as easily placated as before.

Tim carefully moves, tracing the lone black piece that glimmers in the hollow under her ear.

She cocked her head at him, the crack her neck makes is unnatural. Her eyes flare a tiny bit bringing the purple out of them, the same purple that hides in Tim’s eyes. “No. Humans always panic.”

Tim cringes. “Always?”

“Always. And their weapons, their toys, my pet? Have gotten much, much better.” At his crestfallen face, she swoops down to press a kiss to his forehead. It burns. He knows there will be a light mark tomorrow, but he’ll still treasure it and outline where it used to be when it’s long gone. “Besides I’ve already decided to spend the rest of my days in this form with your father. Why tell him about something he’ll never see?”

The notion is irritating and Janet refuses to waste time considering it. Humans are so hard to convince. Hard to convince that the idea of your being is real and then hard to convince that you mean them no harm. Janet huffs. A dragon’s patience is not limitless.

“Well, don’t you need to tell him about me?” He peers at her through his bangs.

Janet purses her lips. “Perhaps. We do not know how your father’s blood will mix with mine. We’ll see if it’s necessary when you come of age...but I doubt when your lessons are done that you’d be so foolish to slip and reveal yourself.” A hint to fang escapes her at the thought.

Tim gulped loudly.

“Oh, stop that. Your emotions are too clear, Timothy. Remember: cold face, cold voice. Let no one know your belly’s hot.”

Tim schools his face and tries his last question. “Do you really have to go?”

“Oh, my son, one day you will understand the call to find, to take, and hoard for yourself. But never collect people, Timothy.” Her sharp nails rake carefully over his scalp. The next words are softer, almost gentle for the ruthless woman. “Humans are too hard to keep, they don’t stay where you leave them...your heart weeps when they never stay.”

(Tim should have listened. There’s an old ache beyond the fire in his veins. Steph, Kon, Bart, Bruce...Dick. Yeah. He was an idiot. Then again...he shouldn’t have thought they were his in the first place.)

She turns him and settles the young child into bed. Pats the covers and turns off the lights. “If nothing else comforts you, remember this...you and your father are the only people in my hoard.” The glow of her eyes lulls him to sleep.

And the phrase did comfort him. No matter how rare it was for her to be warm, no matter how long their ‘trips’ were, no matter how utterly alone he felt among the priceless antiques and artifacts that multiplied over the years. He had a place to belong.

He was hers.

She just wasn't...his.

In the present, he stands and shakes himself loose from the wall. The others will be coming for him soon. Or at least Dick will. Something about birthday wishes and all that. You never know what is really going to hit the vigilante as super important, though it’s funny to see him shake up the bunch of bats. Tim even thinks he saw Damian kicking wrapping paper under the bed. Dick really did a number on him.

“Drake!”

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Tim smirks, and slips from the roof to meet the boy on another. (Gotta leave the evidence behind somehow, right?). He hears boots clip the side of the building with an angry huff.

Too bad Mother’s adages have their limits. The traditional favorite of ‘Eat him’ is just not going to cut it. No matter how tempting the solution is whenever Damian decides to be annoying, or vicious.

It’s regrettable sometimes.

Luckily, the boy has mellowed out from ‘let me stab you’ to ‘let me stab your insecurities’. It’s progress. Dick is so proud.

“Where have you been?” Damian snarls, getting up into Tim’s space. “Father and others have been wasting precious time looking for you everywhere. Even Grayson has cut back patrol for this ridiculous farce of a celebration.”

“Oh, did he? I didn’t get the memo.”

“Yes, you did,” the preteen hisses. “Grayson has sent text messages all day. If you say your phone has not been vibrating itself into oblivion, then you shall be the filthiest liar in my association.”

Aw, Tim feels so honored. “My phone is dead?”

Damian puffs up and Tim with his new sight can even see his face flush red in the dark. “Must you be absolutely impossible? How could you–” He freezes and sniffs the air primly. Then he turns to the man enraged. “Drake...have you been smoking?”

“Why would I be–yes.” Tim switches tracks so fast his own head spins a little. “Yes. I’ve been smoking.” Fuck, he didn’t think that effect would take place so soon. He swallows down the version of nitroglycerin lingering in his mouth awkwardly and breathes through his nose to drown his sparks. But hey, the excuse would work, huh? Even mother carried a box of cigarettes just in case.

“Alfred shall be most displeased.” Damian narrows his eyes in disapproval.

“Well, Alfred should know that I’ve turned eighteen. I’m now an official adult. Free to destroy my body in any way I choose like the Waynes before me. Be grateful that I’ve picked my vice in coffee and smoke instead of the horrible wiles of flesh...like Dick.”

The line earns him a wrinkled nose and glare. “You are completely despicable, Drake.”

“I am,” Tim continues. “But don’t you fear, you won’t catch me smoking. Ever. No secondhand smoke ruining your lungs for you.”

“How beyond gracious of you,” Damian snorts. Tim smiles. Damian pushes on his back towards the edge of the building. “Now come. Everyone is waiting for you and you will not waste my time a second more.

For that, Tim deliberately takes the long way home, just to hear Damian angrily spew curses behind him. It’s his birthday, let him have this.

He takes into account other changes in the meantime. His steps are a little quicker, his jumps higher, longer until he uses his grappling hook only as a means to not to arouse suspicion to the boy struggling to keep up behind him until Tim actually slows down to keep the distance between them short. He bets he’s stronger too, but any other tests will have to wait. He’s probably not as strong as a meta, like Kon or Clark...not like this of course, but it won’t be something to laugh at.

Like how well his skin can take a hit..or a bullet now.

Poor B. The Bats really pride themselves on being completely powerless. Using tools and toys to compete with the whole superhero community (and generally come out kicking all their asses). Tim was gonna have to work twice as hard to cover up his tracks to avoid any...realizations. It’ll take a detective to fool a detective or take a few more ‘Titan’ missions out of Gotham to keep things under wraps. Missions that are more working on the tight pinch growing between his shoulder blades that’s starting to get real annoying. After a few hours he’ll definitely have to find a place to shift soon. Shed skin and fly until light cracks over the dirty city.

Will he have the same coloring as Mother? Dark ebony scales that merge into the night? Is he the size of a horse? A house?

Tim can’t wait to find out.

“H-Hurry up, Drake!” Damian wheezes when he gets the lead for a second or two. You know, when Tim pauses enough to let him catch up.

“Coming.”

He can’t wait to see what kind of Drake he is. In his ear, he can almost hear an echo of his Mother’s voice.

‘Happy Birthday...my pet.’

Happy Birthday indeed.

[soepicsokim]

Con?!

  For some reason Gotham City decided to host a Comic Con. You had always wanted to go to one but at the same time you didn’t want to go to a comic con. You didn’t want to see people try to be the ‘Best Superman’ or 'Best Nightwing.’ You just wanted to go and experience the wonder of Comic Con.

    “Richard, do you want to go to Comic Con with me this weekend?” You ask walking into the living room where Dick is sitting on the couch playing on his laptop.

    “Did you say something babe?” He doesn’t even take his attention away from the laptop as he asks you this question.

     “Do you want to go to Comic con with me? It’s in Gotham this weekend. We don’t have to dress up.” You say as you lay your chin on the top of his head and lay your hands on his chest.

    While you do this he stops what he’s doing and takes a deep breath. “Just a t-shirt and jeans. Walking around the convention center. Can we get pictures with everyone who is dressed as us?” He tilts his head so he is able to see some of your face. You just giggle.

     “I was thinking that yes. It could be a date.” You giggle again, “Even though we’re married.” With that you climb over the back of the couch and lay your head on Dick’s leg. “Let’s go please.”

    He just smiles at you, “Fine but if there is a group of people dressed as all of us, we are taking a picture with them.” You nod your head, I married a nerd. Then you hear Dick chuckle, “That’s mean babe. I’m not that much of a nerd.” You just glare at Dick giving him a 'yeah right’ look.

***

   Once the weekend finally got here the two of your were buzzing with excitement. Bruce is letting the two of you stay the weekend at the Manor while you go to comic con. He said he would possibly go. You smiled at him and went upstairs to Dick’s old room. Excited for Saturday and the idea of going to Comic Con.

     You walk down the stairs to the kitchen to find Bruce in blue jeans and a Lego Batman t-shirt. “Uncle Bruce, are you feeling ok? Why are you in jeans and a t-shirt?” You ask as you walk closer to him. He just smiles and offers you a cup of coffee.

   “I’m going to this Comic Con with you and Dick. He said that you were going to be wearing T-shirts and jeans.”

    “I didn’t know you owned a pair of blue jeans Uncle Bruce.” You take a sip of the coffee he handed you. You smile at him and take a seat at the table and wait for Dick to come down stairs. You were dressed in a Black t-shirt with a blue Nightwing symbol on it. Your long black hair was flowing down your back.

   Dick walks down the stairs and enters the kitchen. He has on jeans and a black shirt that says 'I’m Batman.’ He walks up to you and kisses your cheek before he makes himself a cup of coffee. “I love the shirt babe.” He winks at you cause you to blush slightly. You should like the shirt you got it for me. Thank goodness for your telepathy.

****

   Once you get to the Con Bruce goes one way and you and Dick go the other. As you walk through the vendor’s selling things Dick interlaces his fingers with yours. You are looking at a person’s art when Dick pulls you close to him. “Babe, look there’s me.” Dick whispers in your ear, while he points to a person dressed in a Nightwing outfit. You just shake your head and giggle.

     “Let’s get a picture.” You look Dick in the eyes and he smiles. Dick releases his grip on your hand and walks over to the cosplayer and asks him if it’s ok to take a picture. Dick give you a thumbs up and you take a pic with your phone.

    You smile at the cosplayer and as you walk by you tell him that his cosplay looks really good. The man just smiles at you and gives you a nod. Dick just chuckles. you look at him oddly but he touches his finger to his temple. He doesn’t even look like me, babe. Oh, look lets take a picture of you and that Superman.

    With that comment you glare at Dick, “No.” You say sternly as you try to walk the other way. Dick grabs your arm and gives you an 'I’m sorry’ look.

   “Fine, I’ll take a picture with every person I deem worthy to wear the S Shield."  That’s what you and Dick did all day. You walked around con taking pictures with people dressed as Nightwing, Batman, Superman, and the various Robins.

   You meet Bruce by the concession stand. He was talking to someone dressed as Batman. "Hi Lydia! Hello Dick.” The batman cosplayer says with a goofy grin. You just cock your head to the side and narrow your eyes. Dick puts his arm around your waist and pulls you protectively by his side.

    Bruce smirks, “It’s Clark. He made the suit. I let him borrow a couple of items.” Your eyes widen and you stiffen in Dicks hold. Dick pulls you closer.

      “Can I get a picture with you two?” Your dad asks. You look at Dick with wide eyes and then you hear him in your thoughts. I’ll stand next to Clark. I’ll be in the middle and I won’t let go. With that you just nod your head. Dick is holding you against him and Clark is standing by Dick. Bruce just chuckles and take the picture.

    After the four of you have eaten and your father tries to do his best 'Batman’ voice with Bruce showing him up by doing the real Batman voice. All four of your were laughing when you hear a commotion coming from down the hall. You jump and run. Dick was right be find you along with your dad and Bruce.

   Someone dressed as a Robin was beating up someone dressed as Joker with a crowbar. The Robin was shouting at the Joker. “You ruined my life.” With how angry this robin was it didn’t take long for you to realize who it was.

   “JASON!!!” You yell at the Robin and he stops for a second and looks at you. Dick and Bruce let out a sigh when they realize who it was as well.  “Jason this isn’t a real Joker. He is just a person dressed as him.”

   “I don’t care. He shouldn’t idolize an insane person.” Jason goes back to beating the poor person with crowbar. You sigh deeply, it looks like you are going to have to your powers to get him to stop.

   The crowbar Jason was holding drops to the ground. He then turns and faces you and Dick, he walks towards you and stops in front of you. “Let me go!” He mumbles and you just shake your head. Dick grabs one of Jason’s arms and swings it over his shoulder.

    “I do like your Robin uniform, Jay.” You say as the three of you walk out of the Con with Bruce and Clark behind you.

A/N: This was inspired by me going to comic con in Amarillo, Texas. last weekend. Te'a helped me write this before she went on Hiatus.

Tags: @queen-of-all-the-fandoms, @crazyfangirl1810, @bat-lakota, @speedypan, @kathlyan, @solis200213, @wynterrobin, @pinkwitch21, @gobydana, @memento-amare, @teachingpanda

[lastmover]

2019 Berkshire Hathaway Annual Meeting (Morning) Transcript

1. Welcome and Munger’s insurgency campaign

WARREN BUFFETT: Thank you.

Good morning and welcome to Berkshire Hathaway.

And for those of you who have come from out of state, welcome to Omaha. The city is delighted to have you here at this event.

And for those of you who came from outside of the country, welcome to the United States.

So, we’ve got people here from all over the world. We’ve got some overflow rooms that are taking care of people. And we will just have a few preliminaries and then we will move right into the Q&A period.

We’ll break about noon for about an hour. We’ll come back and do more Q&A until about 3:30. Then we’ll adjourn for a few minutes, and then we’ll conduct the meeting.

I understand that in the room adjacent, that Charlie has been conducting a little insurgency campaign.

I don’t know whether you’ve seen these, but these are the buttons that are available for those of you — you keep asking questions about succession. And Charlie wants to answer that question by getting your vote today. So, it says — this one says, “Maturity, experience, why accept second best? Vote for Charlie.” (Laughter)

I, however, have appointed the monitors who have — collect the votes, so I feel very secure. (Laughter)

2. Berkshire directors introduced

WARREN BUFFETT: The first thing I’d like to do — Charlie is my partner of 60 years, a director and vice chairman, and we make the big decisions jointly. It’s just that we haven’t had any big decisions. So, (laughter) we haven’t — we’re keeping him available for the next big one.

But now at the formal meeting today, we’ll elect 14 directors, and you’re looking at two of them. And I’d like to introduce the 12 that will be on the ballot at 3:45.

And I’m going to proceed alphabetically. And if they’ll stand. If you’ll withhold your applause because some of them get sensitive if certain people get more applause than others, and (Laughter) they’ll — and if you’ll withhold it till I’m finished, then you can applaud or not, as you see fit, having looked at these directors. (Laughter)

So, we’ll start on my left. Greg Abel, who’s both a chairman and a director. Greg? Yeah, oh, there we are. Right, OK. And going along alphabetically, Howard Buffett, Steve Burke, Sue Decker, Bill Gates, Sandy Gottesman— (applause) — Charlotte Guyman, Ajit Jain, who is also a vice chairman, Tom Murphy, Ron Olson, Walter Scott, and Meryl Witmer. Now you can applaud. (Applause)

3. Berkshire’s Q1: Pay attention to operating earnings

WARREN BUFFETT: Now, this morning we posted on our website the quarterly, the 10Q that’s required to be filed with the SEC. We published it at 7 o’clock Central Time. And we also published an accompanying press release.

And if we’ll put slide one up — these figures as usual require some explanation. As we’ve mentioned in the annual report, the new GAAP rule of Generally Accepted Accounting Principles require that we mark our securities to market and then report any unrealized gains in our earnings.

And you can see, I’ve warned you about the distortions from this sort of thing. And, you know, the first quarter of 2019 actually was much like the first quarter of 2018, and I hope very much that newspapers do not read headlines saying that we made $21.6 billion in the first quarter this year against a loss of last year.

These — the bottom line figures are going to be totally capricious, and what I worry about is that not everybody studied accounting in school, or they can be very smart people but that doesn’t mean that they’ve spent any real time on accounting.

And I really regard these bottom line figures, particularly if they’re emphasized in the press, as doing — as potentially being harmful to our shareholders, and really not being helpful. So, I encourage you now, and I encourage all the press that’s here, focus on what we call our operating earnings, which were up a bit. And forget about the capital gains or losses in any given period.

Now, they’re enormously important over time. We’ve had substantial capital gains in the future; we have substantial unrealized capital gains at the present time; we expect to have more capital gains in the future.

They are an important part of Berkshire, but they have absolutely no predictive value or analytical value on a quarterly basis or an annual basis. And I just hope that nobody gets misled in some quarter when stocks are down and people say, “Berkshire loses money,” or something of the sorts. It’s really a shame that the rules got changed in that way, but we will report.

But we will also explain, and we will do our best to have the press understand the importance of focusing on operating earnings, and that we do not attract shareholders who think that there’s some enormous gain because in the first quarter the stock market was up.

There’s one other footnote to these figures that I should point out. It’s already been picked up by the wires from our 7 o’clock filing.

We report on Kraft Heinz, of which we own about 27 percent or so. We report on what they call the equity method. Now, most stocks, when you get dividends, that goes into our earnings account, and their undistributed earnings don’t affect us. They affect us in a real way, but they don’t affect us in an accounting way.

We are part of a control group at Kraft Heinz, so instead of reporting dividends, we report what they call equity earnings.

Kraft Heinz has not filed their 10K for the 2018 year with the SEC. And therefore, they have not released the first quarter of 2019 earnings. Now, normally, we would include our percentage share of those earnings, and we’ve done that every quarter up till this quarter. But because we do not have those figures, we’ve just — we’ve not included anything.

We received 40 cents times — $130 million of dividends in the first quarter from our shares, but that reduces our carrying basis and it is not reflected in the earnings. So, that’s an unusual item which we have mentioned, specifically pointed out in our press release as well as included in our own.

But there is nothing in here, plus or minus, for Kraft earnings, Kraft Heinz earnings this year, whereas there was last year. And when we have the figures, obviously we will report them. Let’s see what beyond that I want to tell you.

4. Berkshire signs 20-year lease for its Omaha headquarters

WARREN BUFFETT: I think — oh yes, I’d wanted to mention to you, the Kiewit Company, which has been our landlord since 1962 — 57 years — has owned the building in which Berkshire is headquartered.

Kiewit Company is moving their headquarters and, in the process, will be doing something with the building. And they very generously, as they always have been, they came and said, “What kind of a lease would you like? Since we’re leaving, and we’ve always sort of worked these things out as we’ve gone along.” And so Bruce Grewcock, who runs Kiewit, said, “You just sort of — you name your terms and what you’d like. So, you — no matter with happens with the building, you’re all set.”

So, I was about to sign a ten-year lease for the present space, but Charlie said, “Ten years might be long enough for me but,” he said he would like me to sign one for 20 years, considering.

And — so we are entering a 20-year lease, and I confess to you that we now occupy one full floor, as we have for decades, and the new lease provides for two floors. So, I just want you to know that your management is loosening up just a little bit. (Laughter)

And whether or not we fill them is another question. But we will have that, and I would like to say to Omaha that I think the fact that Berkshire has signed up for 20 years is very good news for the city over time. It — (Applause) OK.

5. Berkshire employees pitch in for annual meeting

WARREN BUFFETT: And now I would like to tell you something about the people that make all of this possible. This is totally a — this is a homegrown operation.

We started with a few people, meeting in the lunchroom at National Indemnity many years ago. And I think we will probably set another record for attendance today. Yesterday afternoon, 16,200 people came in five hours, and that broke the previous record by a couple thousand.

On Tuesday, the Nebraska Furniture Mart did $9.3 million worth of business. And if any of you are in the retail business, you’ll know that that’s the yearly volume for some furniture stores, and here in Omaha, the 50th or so largest market in the country, maybe even a little less, $9.3 billion (million) I think probably exceeds anything any home furnishing store’s ever done in one day.

And we have people pitching, and we have all the people, virtually all of the people from the home office, some of them, you know, are — they’ll take on any task. We have a bunch of people from National Indemnity, for example, that come over, and they’ve been some of the monitors around.

And in terms of the exhibit hall, more than 600 people from our various subsidiaries give up a weekend to come to Omaha, work very hard, and tomorrow, 4:00 or 4:30, or I should say today at 4:00 or 4:30, they will start packing up things and heading back home. And they come in, and I saw them all yesterday, and they were a bunch of very, very happy, smiling faces. And, you know, they work hard all year, and then they come in and help us out on this meeting.

And then, finally, if we could get a spotlight, I think Melissa Shapiro is someplace here — she runs the whole show. I mean, we — Melissa, where are you? (Applause)

Melissa’s name was Melissa Shapiro before she got married, then she married a guy named Shapiro, so now she’s Melissa Shapiro Shapiro. So — (Laughter) but she can handle that sort of thing. She handles everything, and never — totally unflappable. Totally organized. Everything gets done. Everybody likes her when they get through. So, I — it’s marvelous to get a chance to work with people like this.

I think it’s a special quality that — at Berkshire. I think other people would hire some group to put on the meeting and all be very professional and all of that. But I don’t think you can get — I don’t think you can buy the enthusiasm and energy and help-the-next-guy feeling that you’ve seen out on that exhibition floor, and you’ll see as you meet people here at the hall, and as you meet the people around Omaha. They’re very, very happy that you’re here.

6. Q&A Begins

WARREN BUFFETT: And with that, I would like to start on the questions. We’ll do it just as we’ve done it in recent years. We’ll start with the press group. They’ve received emails from a great many people — perhaps they can tell you how many — and selected the questions they think would be most useful to the Berkshire shareholders.

Yahoo is webcasting this as they’ve done for several years now, they’ve done a terrific job for us.

So, this meeting is going out, both in English and in Mandarin, and I hope our results translate well, or our — (laughs) our comments translate well. Sometimes we have trouble with English. But we’re going to — we’ll start in with Carol Loomis, my friend of 50 years, but you’ll never know it by the questions she’s going to ask me. (Laughter)

CAROL LOOMIS: I’m going to start, very briefly — this is for the benefit of people who send us questions next year. There are kind of two things that you get wrong a lot of the time. You can’t send two-part questions or three-part, et cetera. We need a one-part question. And the other thing is the questions all need to have some relevance to Berkshire, because Warren said when he started it that his hope was that shareholders would come out of the questions with a further education about the company. So, keep those in mind for next year.

7. Munger: “I predict we’ll get a little more liberal in repurchasing shares”

CAROL LOOMIS (RETIRED FORTUNE MAGAZINE EDITOR): Many people — a number of people — wrote me about repurchases of stock. And, hence, the question I picked for my first one.

The question, this particular question comes from Ward Cookie (PH), who lives in Belgium and who was still emailing me this morning in reference to the first quarter report.

And he asked, “My question concerns your repurchase of Berkshire shares. In the third quarter of last year, you spent almost 1 billion buying Berkshire B stock at an average price of $207.

“But then you got to a period between December 26th and April 11th when the stock languished for almost four months under 207. And yet, you purchased what I think of as a very limited amount of stock, even as you were sitting on an enormous pile of 112 billion.

“My question is why you did not repurchase a lot more stock? Unless, of course, there was for a time an acquisition of, say, 80 billion to 90 billion on your radar.”

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah, the question — whether we had 100 billion or 200 billion would not make a difference — or 50 billion — would not make a difference in our approach to repurchase of shares.

We repurchase shares — we used to have a policy of tying it to book value. But that became — really became obsolete. It did not —

The real thing is to buy stock — repurchase shares — only when you think you’re doing it at a price where the remaining shareholders have had — are worth more the moment after you repurchased it than they were the moment before.

It’s very much like if you were running a partnership and you had three partners in it and the business was worth 3 million, and one of the partners came and said, “I’d like you to buy back my share of the partnership for a billion” — I started out with millions, so I’ll stay with millions — “for $1.1 million?” And we said, “Forget it.” And if he said, “1 million?” we’d probably say, “Forget it,” unless — and if he said, “900,000,” we’d take it because, at that point, the remaining business would be worth 2-million-1, and we’d have two owners, and our interest in value would have gone from a million to a million and fifty-thousand.

So, it’s very simple arithmetic. Most companies adopt repurchase programs and they just say, “We’re going to spend so much.” That’s like saying, you know, “We’re going to buy XYZ stock, and we’re going to spend so much here.” “We’re going to buy a company.” “We’re going to spend whatever it takes.”

We will buy stock when we think it is selling below a conservative estimate of its intrinsic value. Now, the intrinsic value is not a specific point, it’s probably a range in my mind that might have a band maybe of 10 percent. Charlie would have a band in his mind, and it would probably be 10 percent. And ours would not be identical, but they’d be very close. And sometimes he might figure a bit higher than I do, a bit lower.

But we want to be sure, when we repurchase shares, that those people who have not sold shares are better off than they were before we repurchased them. And it’s very simple.

And in the first quarter of the year, they’ll find we bought something over a billion worth of stock, and that’s nothing like my ambitions. But it — what that means is that we feel that we’re OK buying it, but we don’t salivate over buying it.

We think that the shares we repurchased in the first quarter leave the shareholders better off than if we hadn’t — the remaining shareholders — better off than if we hadn’t bought it. But we don’t think the difference is dramatic.

And you will — you could easily see periods where we would spend very substantial sums if we thought the stock was selling at, say, 25 or 30 percent less than it was worth, and we didn’t have something else that was even better.

But we have no ambition in any given quarter to spend a dime unless we think you’re going to be better off for us having done so. Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: Well, I predict that we’ll get a little more liberal in repurchasing shares. (Laughter)

WARREN BUFFETT: I was going to give you equal time, but then — (Laughter)

8. BNSF may adopt “precision-scheduled railroading”

WARREN BUFFETT: OK, Jon Brandt.

JONATHAN BRANDT (RESEARCH ANALYST, RUANE, CUNNIFF & GOLDFARB): Hi, Warren and Charlie. Thanks for having me, as always.

Every major North American railroad other than Burlington Northern has adopted at least some aspects of precision-scheduled railroading, generally to good effect to their bottom line.

Some believe that point-to-point schedule service and minimal in-transit switching is good for both returns on capital and customer service.

Others believe precision railroading has done little for on-time performance, and its rigidity has jeopardized the compact that railroads have had with both regulators and customers.

Do you and current BNSF management believe that it’s now a good idea for BNSF to adopt precision railroading playbook? Or do you agree with its critics?

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah, precision railroading, as it’s labeled, was probably invented by a fellow named Hunter Harrison. I think maybe he was at the Illinois Central Railroad at the time; there’s a book that came out about Hunter, who died maybe a year ago or thereabouts. And it describes the — his procedure toward railroading. It’s an interesting read if you’re interested in railroading.

And he took that to Canadian National, CN. There are six big railroads in North America, and he took that to CN, and he was very successful.

And actually, Bill Gates is probably the largest holder of CN, and I think he’s done very well with that stock.

And then later, Canadian Pacific was the subject of an activist, and when they — as they proceeded, they got Hunter to join them and brought in an associate, Keith Creel, who — and they instituted a somewhat similar program. Now the same thing has happened at CSX.

And all of those companies dramatically improved their profit margins, and they had varying degrees of difficulty with customer service in the implementing of it.

But I would say that we watch very carefully — Union Pacific is doing a somewhat modified version. But the — we are not above copying anything that is successful. And I think that there’s been a good deal that’s been learned by watching these four railroads, and we will — if we think we can serve our customers well and get more efficient in the process, we will adopt whatever we observe.

But we don’t have to do it today or tomorrow, but we do have to find something that gets at least equal, and hopefully better, customer satisfaction and that makes our railroad more efficient. And there’s been growing evidence that — from the actions of these other four railroads — there’s been growing evidence that we can learn something from what they do. Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: Well, I doubt that anybody is very interested in un-precision in railroading. (Laughter)

WARREN BUFFETT: Well, Jonny, has Charlie answered your question? (Laughter)

JONATHAN BRANDT: Yes, thank you.

9. BNSF trying to improve energy efficiency

WARREN BUFFETT: OK. Station number 1, from the shareholder group up on my far right.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Good morning. My name is Bill Moyer and I’m from Vashon Island, Washington. And I’m part of a team called “The Solutionary Rail Project.”

Interestingly, only 3.5 percent of the value of freight in the U.S. moves on trains. Berkshire Hathaway is incredibly well positioned with its investments in the northern and southern trans-con through BNSF to grab far more of that freight traffic off of the roads and get diesel out of our communities, as well as harness transmission corridors for your Berkshire renewable energy assets, for which you’re obviously very proud.

Would you consider meeting with us to look at a proposal for utilizing your assets and leveraging a public/private partnership to electrify your railroads and open those corridors for a renewable energy future?

WARREN BUFFETT: No, I — we’ve examined a lot of things in terms of LNG. I mean, they’re — obviously, we want to become more energy efficient, as well as just generally efficient.

And I’m not sure about the value of freight. You mentioned 3 1/2 percent. I believe — I mean, I’m not sure what figure you’re using as the denominator there.

Because if you look at movement of traffic by ton miles, rails are around 40 percent of the U.S. — we’re not talking local deliveries or all kinds of things like that — but they’re 40 percent, roughly, by rail.

And BNSF moves more ton miles than any other entity. We move 15 percent-plus of all the ton miles moved in the United States.

But if you take trucking, for example, on intermodal freight, we’re extremely competitive on the longer hauls, but the shorter the haul, the more likely it is that the flexibility of freight, where a truck can go anyplace and we have rails. So, the equation changes depending on distance hauled and other factors, but distance hauled is a huge factor.

We can move a ton mile 500 — we can move 500-plus ton miles of freight for one gallon of diesel. And that is far more efficient than trucks.

So, the long-haul traffic, and the heavy traffic, is going to go to the rails, and we try to improve our part of the equation on that all the time.

But if you’re going to transport something ten or 20 or 30 miles between a shipper and a receiver, and they’re — you’re not going to move that by rail.

So, we look at things all the time, I can assure you.

Carl Ice is in — well, he’s probably here now, and he’ll be in the other room — and he’s running the railroad. You’re free to talk to him, but I don’t see any breakthrough like you’re talking about. I do see us getting more efficient year-by-year-by-year.

And obviously, if driverless trucks become part of the equation, that moves things toward trucking. But on long-haul, heavy stuff, and there’s a lot of it, you’re looking at the railroad that carries more than any other mode of transportation. And BNSF is the leader. Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: Well, over the long term, our questioner is on the side of the angels. Sooner or later, we’ll have it more electrified. I think Greg (Abel) will decide when it happens.

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah. But we’re all working on the technology but —

And we’re considerably more efficient than ten, 20, 30 years ago, if you look at the numbers. But it —

One interesting figure, I think right after World War II, when the country probably had about 140 million people against our 330 million now, so we had 40 percent of the population. We had over a million-and-a-half people employed in the railroad industry. Now there’s less than 200,000 and we’re carrying a whole lot more freight.

Now, obviously there’s some change in passengers. But the efficiency of the railroads compared to — and the safety — compared to what it was even immediately after World War II has improved dramatically. Charlie, anything more?

CHARLIE MUNGER: No.

10. Bank CEOS who make bad mistakes should lose all their net worth

WARREN BUFFETT: OK, Becky?

BECKY QUICK (CNBC): This is a question that comes from Mike Hebel. He says, “The Star Performers Investment Club has 30 partners, all of whom are active or retired San Francisco police officers. Several of our members have worked in the fraud detail, and have often commented after the years-long fraudulent behavior of Wells Fargo employees, should have warranted jail sentences for several dozen, yet Wells just pays civil penalties and changes management.

“As proud shareholders of Berkshire, we cannot understand Mr. Buffett’s relative silence compared to his vigorous public pronouncement many years ago on Salomon’s misbehavior. Why so quiet?”

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah, I would say this. The — (applause) — problem, well, as I see it — although, you know, I have read no reports internally or anything like that — but it looks like to me like Wells made some big mistakes in what they incentivized. And as Charlie says, there’s nothing like incentives, but they can incentivize the wrong behavior. And I’ve seen that a lot of places. And that clearly existed at Wells.

The interesting thing is, to the extent that they set up fake accounts, a couple million of them, that had no balance in them, that could not possibly have been profitable to Wells. So, you can incentivize some crazy things.

The problem is — I’m sure is that — and I don’t really have any inside information on it at all — but when you find a problem, you have to do something about it. And I think that’s where they probably made a mistake at Wells Fargo.

They made it at Salomon. I mean, John Gutfreund would never have played around with the government. He was the CEO of Salomon in 1991. He never would have done what the bond trader did that played around with the rules that the federal government had about government bond bidding.

But when he heard about it, he didn’t immediately notify the Federal Reserve. And he heard about it in late April, and May 15th, the government bond auction came along. And Paul Mozer did the same thing he’d done before, and gamed the auction.

And at this point, John Gutfreund — you know, the destiny of Salomon was straight downhill from that point forward. Because, essentially, he heard about a pyromaniac, and he let him keep the box of matches.

And at Wells, my understanding, there was an article in The Los Angeles Times maybe a couple years before the whole thing was exposed, and, you know, somebody ignored that article.

And Charlie has beaten me over the head all the years at Berkshire because we have 390,000 employees, and I will guarantee you that some of them are doing things that are wrong right now. There’s no way to have a city of 390,000 people and not need a policeman or a court system. And some people don’t follow the rules. And you can incentivize the wrong behavior. You’ve got to do something about it when it happens.

Wells has become, you know, exhibit one in recent years. But if you go back a few years, you know, you can almost go down — there’s quite a list of banks where people behaved badly. And where they — I would not say — I don’t know the specifics at Wells — but I’ve actually written in the annual report that they talk about moral hazard if they pay a lot of people.

The shareholders of Wells have paid a price. The shareholders of Citicorp paid a price. The shareholders of Goldman Sachs, the shareholders of Bank of America, they paid billions and billions of dollars, and they didn’t commit the acts. And of course, nobody did go — there were no jail sentences. And that is infuriating.

But the lesson that was taught was not that the government bailed you out because the government got its money back, but the shareholders of the various banks paid many, many billions of dollars.

And I don’t have any advice for anybody running a business except, when you find out something is leading to bad results or bad behavior, you know, you — if you’re in the top job, you’ve got to take action fast.

And that’s why we have hotlines. That’s why we get — when we get certain anonymous letters, we turn them over to the audit committee or to outside investigators.

And we will have — I will guarantee you that we will have some people who do things that are wrong at Berkshire in the next year or five years, ten years, and 50 years. It’s — you cannot have 390,000 people — and it’s the one thing that always worries me about my job, but — because I’ve got to hear about those things, and I’ve got to do something about them when I do hear about them. Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: Well, I don’t think people ought to go to jail for honest errors of judgment. It’s bad enough to lose your job. And I don’t think that any of those top officers was deliberately malevolent in any way. I just — we’re talking about honest errors in judgment.

And I don’t think (former Wells Fargo CEO) Tim Sloan even committed honest errors of his judgment, I just think he was an accidental casualty that deserve the trouble. I wish Tim Sloan was still there.

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah, there’s no evidence that he did a thing. But he stepped up to take a job that — where he was going to be a piñata, basically, for all kinds of investigations.

And rightfully, Wells should be checked out on everything they do. All banks should. I mean, they get a government guarantee and they receive trillions of dollars in deposits. And they do that basically because of the FDIC. And if they abuse that, they should pay a price.

If anybody does anything like a Paul Mozier did, for example, with Salomon, they ought to go to jail. Paul Mozier only went to jail for four months. But if you’re breaking laws, you should be prosecuted on it.

If you do a lot of dumb things, I wish they wouldn’t go away — the CEOs wouldn’t go away — so rich under those circumstances. But people will do dumb things. (Applause)

I actually proposed — think it may have been in one of the annual reports even. I proposed that, if a bank gets to where it needs government assistance, that basically the responsible CEO should lose his net worth and his spouse’s net worth. If he doesn’t want the job under those circumstances, you know (Applause)

And I think that the directors — I think they should come after the directors for the last five years — I think I proposed — of everything they’d received.

But it’s the shareholders who pay. I mean, if we own 9 percent of Wells, whatever this has cost, 9 percent of it is being borne by us. And it’s very hard to tie it directly.

One thing you should know, incidentally though, is that the FDIC, which was started — I think it was started January 1st, 1934 — but it was a New Deal proposal.

And the FDIC has not cost the United States government a penny. It now has about $100 billion in it. And that money has all been put in there by the banks. And that’s covered all the losses of the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of financial institutions.

And I think the impression is that the government guarantee saved the banks, but the government money did not save the banks. The banks’ money, as an industry, not only has paid every loss, but they’ve accumulated an extra $100 billion, and that’s the reason the FDIC. assessments now are going back down. They had them at a high level. And they had a higher level for the very big banks.

When you hear all the talk about — the political talk — about the banks, they had not cost the federal government a penny. There were a lot of actions that took place that should not have taken place. And there’s a lot fewer now, I think, than there were in the period leading up to 2008 and ’09. But some banks will make big mistakes in the future. Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: I’ve got nothing to add to that.

11. “We will spend a lot of money” on buybacks if price is right

WARREN BUFFETT: OK. Jay Gelb from Barclays. Barclays just had a proxy contest of sorts, didn’t it?

JAY GELB (INSURANCE ANALYST, BARCLAYS): That’s right, Warren. (Laughs)

I also have a question on Berkshire Hathaway — I’m sorry — on share buybacks.

Warren, in a recent Financial Times article, you were quoted as saying that the time may come when the company buys back as much as $100 billion of its shares, which equates to around 20 percent of Berkshire’s current market cap. How did you arrive at that $100 billion figure? And over what time frame would you expect this to occur?

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah. I probably arrived at that $100 billion figure in about three seconds when I got asked the question. (Laughter)

It was a nice round figure and we could do it. And we would like to do it if the stock was — we’ve got the money to buy in $100 billion worth of stock.

And bear in mind, if we’re buying in $100 billion stock, it probably would be that the company wasn’t selling at 500 billion. So, it might buy well over 20 percent.

We will spend a lot of money. We’ve been involved in companies where the number of shares has been reduced 70 or 80 percent over time. And we like the idea of buying shares at a discount.

We do feel, if shareholders — if we’re going to be repurchasing shares from shareholders who are partners, and we think it’s cheap, we ought to be very sure that they have the facts available to evaluate what they own.

I mean, just as if we had a partnership, it would not be good if there were three partners and two of them decided that they would sort of freeze out the third, maybe in terms of giving him material information that they knew that that third party didn’t know.

So, it’s very important that our disclosure be the same sort of disclosure that I would give to my sisters who are the imaginary — they’re not imaginary — but they’re the shareholders to whom I address the annual report every year.

Because I do feel that you, if you’re going to sell your stock, should have the same information that’s important, that’s available to me and to Charlie.

But we will — if our stock gets cheap, relative to intrinsic value, we would not hesitate.

We wouldn’t be able to buy that much in a very short period of time, in all likelihood. But we would certainly be willing to spend $100 billion. Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: I think when it gets really obvious, we’ll be very good at it. (Laughter)

WARREN BUFFETT: Let me get that straight. What’d you say, exactly?

CHARLIE MUNGER: When it gets really obvious, we’ll be very good at it.

WARREN BUFFETT: Oh, yeah. I was hoping that’s what you said. (Laughter)

Yeah, we will be good at it. We don’t have any trouble being decisive. We don’t say yes very often. But if it’s something obvious — I mean, Jay, if you and I are partners, you know, and our business is worth a million dollars and you say you’ll sell your half to me for 300,000, you’ll have your 300,000 very quickly.

12. Buying one share in an oil-rich duck hunting club

WARREN BUFFETT: OK, station two.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Good morning. My name is Patrick Donahue from Eden Prairie, Minnesota, and I’m with my ten-year-old daughter, Brooke Donahue.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Hi, Warren. Hi, Charlie.

WARREN BUFFETT: Hi. It’s Brooke, is it?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: It is.

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: First, I’m a proud graduate of Creighton University. And I need to say a personal thank you for coming over the years to share your insights. And it’s been a tradition since I graduated in 1999 to come to the annual meeting, and thank you for a lifetime of memories.

WARREN BUFFETT: Thank you. (Applause)

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Brooke is a proud Berkshire shareholder and read the letter and had some questions regarding investments that have been made in the past. And she had made some interesting comments about what she thought was a lot of fun.

So, our question for both of you is: outside of Berkshire Hathaway, what is the most interesting or fun personal investment you have ever made? (Laughter)

WARREN BUFFETT: Well, they’re always more fun when you make a lot of money off of them. (Laughter)

Well, one time, I bought one share of stock in the Atled Corp. That’s spelled A-T-L-E-D. And Atled had 98 shares outstanding and I bought one. And not what you call a liquid security. (Laughter)

And Atled happened to be the word “delta” spelled backwards. And a hundred guys in St. Louis had each chipped in 50 or $100 or something to form a duck club in Louisiana and they bought some land down there.

Two guys didn’t come up with their — there were a hundred of them — two of them defaulted on their obligation to come up with a hundred dollars — so there were 98 shares out. And they went down to Louisiana and they shot some ducks.

But apparently somebody shot — fired a few shots into the ground and oil spurted out. And — (laughter) — those Delta duck club shares — and I think the Delta duck club field is still producing. I bought stock in it 40 years ago for $29,200 a share.

And it had that amount in cash and it was producing a lot, and they sold it. If they kept it, that stock might’ve been worth 2 or $3 million a share, but they sold out to another oil company.

That was certainly — that was the most interesting —

Actually, I didn’t have any cash at the time. And I went down and borrowed the money. I bought it for my wife. And I borrowed the money. And the loan officer said, “Would you like to borrow some money to buy a shotgun as well?” (Laughter)

Charlie, tell them about the one you missed. (Laughter)

CHARLIE MUNGER: Well, I got two investments that come to mind. When I was young and poor, I spent a thousand dollars once buying an oil royalty that paid me 100,000 a year for a great many years. But I only did that once in a lifetime.

On a later occasion, I bought a few shares of Belridge Oil, which went up 30 times rather quickly. But I turned down five times as much as I bought. It was the dumbest decision of my whole life. So, if any of you have made any dumb decisions, look up here and feel good about yourselves. (Laughter)

WARREN BUFFETT: I could add a few, but — Andrew?

13. Buffett speaks for himself on politics, not for Berkshire

ANDREW ROSS SORKIN (NEW YORK TIMES/CNBC): Warren and Charlie, this is a question — actually, we got a handful of questions on this topic. This is probably the best formulation of it.

Warren, you have been a long-time, outspoken Democrat. With all the talk about socialism versus capitalism taking place among Democratic presidential candidates, do you anticipate an impact on Berkshire in the form of more regulations, higher corporate taxes, or even calls for breakups among the many companies we own if they were to win?

And how do you think about your own politics as a fiduciary of our company, and at the same time, as someone who has said that simply being a business leader doesn’t mean you’ve put your citizenship in a blind trust?

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah. I have said that you do not put your citizenship in a blind trust. But you also don’t speak on behalf of your company. You do speak as a citizen if you speak. And therefore, you have to be careful about when you do speak, because it’s going to be assumed you’re speaking on behalf of your company.

Berkshire Hathaway certainly, in 54 years, has never — and will never — made a contribution to a presidential candidate. I don’t think we’ve made a contribution to any political candidate. But I don’t want to say, for 54 years, that — (Applause)

We don’t do it now. We operate in several regulated industries. And our railroad and our utility, as a practical matter, they have to have a presence in Washington or in the state legislatures in which they operate.

So, we have some — a few — I don’t know how many — political action committees which existed when we bought it — when we bought the companies at subsidiaries.

And I think, unquestionably, they make some contributions simply to achieve the same access as their competitors. I mean, if the trucking industry is going to lobby, I’m sure the railroad industry’s going to lobby.

But — the general — well, the rule is, I mean, that people do not pursue their own political interests with your money here.

We’ve had one or two managers over the years, for example, that would do some fundraising where they were fundraising from people who were suppliers of them or something of the sort. And if I ever find out about it, that ends promptly.

My position, at Berkshire, is not to be used to further my own political beliefs. But my own political beliefs can be expressed as a person, not as a representative of Berkshire, when a campaign is important.

I try to minimize it. But it’s no secret that in the last election, for example, I raised money.

I won’t give money to PACs. I accidentally did it one time. I didn’t know it was a PAC. But I don’t do it.

But I’ve raised substantial sums. I don’t like the way money is used in politics. I’ve written op-ed pieces for the New York Times in the past on the influence of money in politics.

I spent some time with John McCain many years ago before McCain-Feingold, on ways to try to limit it. But the world has developed in a different way.

14. Buffett: “I’m a card-carrying capitalist” but some regulations are needed

WARREN BUFFETT: On your question about the — I will just say I’m a card-carrying capitalist. (Applause)

But I — and I believe we wouldn’t be sitting here except for the market system and the rule of law and some things that are embodied in this country. So, you don’t have to worry about me changing in that manner.

But I also think that capitalism does involve regulation. It involves taking care of people who are left behind, particularly when the country gets enormously prosperous. But beyond that, I have no Berkshire podium for pushing anything. Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: Well, I think we’re all in favor of some kind of a government social safety net in a country as prosperous as ours.

What a lot of us don’t like is the vast stupidity with which parts of that social safety net are managed by the government. It’d be much better if — (applause) — we could do it more wisely. But I think it also might be better if we did it more liberally.

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah, one of the reasons we’re involved in this effort along with J.P. Morgan and Amazon — with (J.P. Morgan CEO) Jamie Dimon and (Amazon CEO) Jeff Bezos — on the medical question, is we do have as much money going — 3.3 or 3.4 trillion — we have as much money going to medical care as we have funding the federal government.

And it’s gone from 5 to 17 percent — or 18 percent — while actually the amount going to the federal government has stayed about the same at 17 percent.

So, we hope there’s some major improvements from the private sector because I generally think the private sector does a better job than the public sector in most things.

But I also think that if the private sector doesn’t do something, you’ll get a different sort of answer. And I’d like to think that the private sector can come up with a better answer than the public sector in that respect.

I will probably — it depends who’s nominated — but I voted for plenty of Republicans over the years. I even ran for delegate to the Republican National Convention in 1960. But — we are not —

I don’t think the country will go into socialism in 2020 or in 2040 or 2060.

15. We don’t try to push Berkshire stock higher or lower

WARREN BUFFETT: OK, Gregg Warren.

GREGG WARREN (FINANCIAL SERVICES ANALYST, MORNINGSTAR RESEARCH SERVICES): Warren, my first question, not surprisingly, is on share repurchases.

Stock buybacks in the open market are a function of both willing buyers and sellers. With Berkshire having two shares of classes, you should have more flexibility when buying back stock. But given the liquidity difference that exists between the two share classes — with an average of 313 Class A shares exchanging hands daily the past five years, equivalent to around $77 million a day, and an average of 3.7 million Class B shares doing the same, equivalent to around 622 million — Berkshire’s likely to have more opportunities to buy back Class B shares than Class A, which is exactly what we saw during the back half of last year and the first quarter of 2019.

While it might be more ideal for Berkshire to buy back Class A shares, allowing you to retire shares with far greater voting rights, given that there’s relatively little arbitrage between the two share classes and the number of Class B shares increase every year as you gift your Class A shares to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and your children’s foundations, can we assume that you’re likely to be a far greater repurchaser of Class B shares, going forward, especially given your recent comments to the Financial Times about preferring to have loyal individuals on your shareholder list, which a price tag of $328,000 of Class A shares seems to engender?

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah, we will - when we’re repurchasing shares, if we’re purchasing substantial amounts, we’re going to spend a lot more on the Class B than the Class A, just because the trading volume is considerably higher.

We may, from time to time — well, we got offered a couple blocks in history, going back in history from the Yoshi (PH) estate and when we had a transaction exchanging our Washington Post stock for both a television station and shares held — A shares — held by the Washington Post.

So, we may see some blocks of A. We may see some blocks of B. But there’s no question. If we are able to spend 25, 50, or a hundred billion dollars in repurchasing shares, more of the money is almost certainly going to be spent on the B than the A.

There’s no master plan on that other than to buy aggressively when we like the price. And as I say, the trading volume in the B is just a lot higher than the A in dollar amounts. Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: I don’t think we care much which class we buy.

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah. (Laughter)

We would like — we really want the stock — ideally, if we could do it if we were small — once a year we’d have a price and, you know, we’d do it like a private company. And it would be a fair price and people who want to get out could get out. And if other people wanted to buy their interest, fine. And if they didn’t, and we thought the price was fair, we’d have the company repurchase it.

We can’t do that. But that’s — we don’t want the stock to be either significantly underpriced or significantly overpriced. And we’re probably unique on the overpriced part of it. But we don’t want it.

I do not want the stock selling at twice what’s it worth because I’m going to disappoint people, you know. I mean, we can’t make it — there’s no magic formula to make a stock worth what it’s selling for, if it sells for way too much.

From a commercial standpoint, if it’s selling very cheap, we have to like it when we repurchase it.

But ideally, we would hope the stock would sell in a range that more or less is its intrinsic business value. We have no desire to hype it in any way. And we have no desire to depress it so we can repurchase it cheap. But the nature of markets is that things get overpriced and they get underpriced. And we will — if it’s underpriced, we’ll take advantage of it.

16. We welcome change, but we won’t always adapt to it

WARREN BUFFETT: OK, station 3.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Hello Charlie Munger and Warren Buffett, (unintelligible). I am Terry (PH) from Shanghai (unintelligible), which aims to catch the best investment opportunities in that era.

So, my question is, as we all know, 5G is coming. It is said that the mode of all industry will be challenged in 5G era. So, what is the core competence that we should master, if (unintelligible) wants to catch the best investment opportunities in this era? Thank you.

WARREN BUFFETT: Well, there’s no core competence at the very top of Berkshire. (Laughter)

The subsidiaries that will be involved in developments relating to 5G, or any one of all kinds of things that are going to happen in this world, you know, the utility of LNG in the railroad, or all those kinds of questions, we have people in those businesses that know a lot more about them than we do.

And we count on our managers to anticipate what is coming in their business. And sometimes they talk to us about it. But we do not run that on a centralized basis.

And Charlie, do you want to have anything to add to that?

Do you know anything about 5G I don’t know? Well, you probably know a lot about 5G.

CHARLIE MUNGER: No, I know very little about 5G.

But I do know a little about China. And we have bought things in China. And my guess is we’ll buy more. (Laughter)

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah. But I mean, we basically want to have a group of managers, and we do have a group of managers, who are on top of their businesses.

I mean, you saw something that showed BNSF and Berkshire Hathaway Energy and Lubrizol all aware of that. Those people know their businesses. They know what changes are likely to be had.

Sometimes, they find things that they can cooperate on between their businesses. But we don’t try to run those from headquarters.

And that may mean — that may have certain weaknesses at certain times. I think, net, it’s been a terrific benefit for Berkshire.

Our managers, to a great degree, own their businesses. And we want them to feel a sense of ownership. We don’t want them to be lost in some massive conglomerate, where they get directions from this group, which is a subgroup of that group.

And I could tell you a few horror stories from companies we bought, when they tell us about their experience under such an operation.

The world is going to change in dramatic ways. Just think how much it’s changed in the 54 years that we’ve had Berkshire. And some of those changes hurt us.

They hurt us in textiles. They hurt us in shoes. They hurt us in the department store business. Hurt us in the trading stamp business. These were the founding businesses of this operation. But we do adjust. And we’ve got a group, overall, of very good businesses.

We’ve got some that will be, actually, destroyed by what happens in this world. But that’s — I still am the card-carrying capitalist. And I believe that that’s a good thing, but you have to make changes.

We had 80 percent of the people working on farms in 1800. And if there hadn’t been a lot of changes, and you needed 80 percent of the people in the country producing the food and cotton we needed, we would have a whole different society.

So, we welcome change. And we certainly want to have managers that can anticipate and adapt to it. But sometimes, we’ll be wrong. And those businesses will wither and die. And we’d better use the money someplace else. Charlie? OK, Carol.

Charlie, you haven’t had any peanut brittle lately, you know. (Laughs)

17. Kraft Heinz is a good business, but we paid too much

CAROL LOOMIS: This question comes from Vincent James of Munich, Germany. “There has been a lot written about the recent impairment charge at Kraft Heinz. You were quoted as stating that you recognize that Berkshire overpaid for Kraft Heinz. Clearly, major retail chains are being more aggressive in developing house brands.

“In addition, Amazon has announced intentions to launch grocery outlets, being that, as Mr. Bezos has often stated, ‘Your margin is my opportunity.’ The more-fundamental question related to Kraft Heinz may be whether the advantages of the large brands and zero-based budgeting that 3G has applied are appropriate and defensible at all in consumer foods.

“In other words, will traditional consumer good brands, in general, and Kraft Heinz, in particular, have any moat in their future? My question is, to what extent do the changing dynamics in the consumer food market change your view on the long-term potential for Kraft Heinz?”

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah, actually, what I said was, we paid too much for Heinz — I mean Kraft — I’m sorry — the Heinz part of the transaction, when we originally owned about half of Heinz, we paid an appropriate price there. And we actually did well. We had some preferred redeemed and so on.

We paid too much money for Kraft. To some extent, our own actions had driven up the prices.

Now, Kraft Heinz, the profits of that business, 6 billion — we’ll say very, very, very roughly, I’m not making forecasts — but 6 billion pretax on 7 billion of tangible assets, is a wonderful business. But you can pay too much for a wonderful business.

We bought See’s Candy. And we made a great purchase, as it turned out. And we could’ve paid more. But there’s some price at which we could’ve bought even See’s Candy, and it wouldn’t have worked. So, the business does not know how much you paid for it.

I mean, it’s going to earn based on its fundamentals. And we paid too much for the Kraft side of Kraft Heinz.

Additionally, the profitability has basically been improved in those operations over the way they were operating before.

But you’re quite correct that Amazon itself has become a brand. Kirkland, at Costco, is a $39 billion brand. All of Kraft Heinz is $26 billion. And it’s been around for — on the Heinz side — it’s been around for 150 years. And it’s been advertised — billions and billions and billions of dollars, in terms of their products. And they go through tens of thousands of outlets.

And here’s somebody like Costco, establishes a brand called Kirkland. And it’s doing 39 billion, more than virtually any food company. And that brand moves from product to product, which is terrific, if a brand travels. I mean, Coca Cola moves it from Coke to Cherry Coke and Coke Zero and so on.

But to have a brand that can really move — and Kirkland does more business than Coca Cola does. And Kirkland operates through 775 or so stores. They call them warehouses at Costco. And Coca Cola is through millions of distribution outlets.

So, brands — the retailer and the brands have always struggled as to who gets the upper hand in moving a product to the consumers.

And there’s no question, in my mind, that the position of the retailer, relative to the brands, which varies enormously around the world. In different countries, you’ve had 35 percent, even, maybe 40 percent, be private-label brands in soft drinks. And it’s never gotten anywhere close to that in the United States. So, it varies a lot.

But basically, retailers — certain retailers — the retail system — has gained some power. And particularly in the case of Amazon and Walmart and their reaction to it, and Costco — and Aldi and some others I can name — has gained in power relative to brands.

Kraft Heinz is still doing very well, operationally. But we paid too much. If we paid 50 billion, you know, it would’ve been a different business. It’d still be earning the same amount.

You can turn any investment into a bad deal by paying too much. What you can’t do is turn any investment into a good deal by paying little, which is sort of how I started out in this world.

But the idea of buying the cigar butts that are declining or poor businesses for a bargain price is not something that we try to do anymore. We try to buy good businesses at a decent price. And we made a mistake on the Kraft part of Kraft Heinz. Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: Well, it’s not a tragedy that, out of two transactions, one worked wonderfully, and the other didn’t work so well. That happens.

WARREN BUFFETT: The reduction of costs, you know — there can always be mistakes made, when you’ve got places, and you’re reorganizing them to do more business with the same number of people.

And we like buying businesses that are efficient to start with. But the management — the operations — of Kraft Heinz have been improved over the present management overall. But we paid a very high price, in terms of the Kraft part. We paid an appropriate price, in terms of Heinz.

18. Internet competition for Berkshire’s furniture retailers

WARREN BUFFETT: Jonathan?

JONATHAN BRANDT: Internet-based furniture retailers, like Wayfair, appear willing to stomach large current losses acquiring customers in the hope of converting them to loyal online shoppers.

I’ve been wondering what this disruptive competition might do to our earnings from home-furnishing retail operations like Nebraska Furniture Mart.

If we have to transition to more of an online model, might we have to spend more heavily to keep shoppers without a corresponding increase in sales? The sharp decline in first-quarter earnings from home furnishings suggest, perhaps, some widening impact from intensifying competition.

Do you believe Wayfair’s customers first, profits later model is unsustainable? Or do you think our furniture earnings will likely be permanently lower than they were in the past?

WARREN BUFFETT: I think furnishings — the jury’s still out on that, whether the operations which have grown very rapidly in size but still are incurring losses, how they will do over time.

It is true that in the present market, partly because of some successes, like, most dramatically, Amazon, in the past, that investors are willing to look at losses as long as sales are increasing, and hope that there will be better days ahead.

We do a quite significant percentage of our sales online in the furniture operation. That might surprise you. We do the highest percentage in Omaha.

And what’s interesting is that we — I won’t give you the exact numbers, but it’s large — we do a significant dollar volume, but a very significant portion of that volume, people come to the store to pick up, so that they will order something from us online, but they don’t seem to mind at all — and they don’t have to do it — but they get a pick up at the store.

So, you know, you learn what customers like, just like people learned in fast food, you know, that people would buy a lot of food by going through a drive-in, that they don’t want to stop and go into the place. We learn about customer behavior as it unfolds.

But we did do, now — on Tuesday, we did 9.2 million of — or 9.3 million of profitable volume at the Nebraska Furniture Mart. And I think that company had paid-in capital of $2,500. And I don’t think anything’s been added since. So, it’s working so far.

The first quarter — It’s interesting — the first quarter was weak at all four of our furniture operations.

But there are certain other parts of the economy — well, just home building, generally — it’s considerably below what you would’ve expected, considering the recovery we have had from the 2008-9 period. I mean, if you look at single-family home construction, the model has shifted more to people living in apartment rentals.

I think it’s gone from 69-and-a-fraction percent. It got down to 63 percent. It’s bounced up a little bit. But people are just not building — or moving to houses as rapidly as I would have guessed they would have, based on figures prior to 2008 and ’09, and considering the recovery we’ve had, and considering the fact that money is so cheap. And that has some effect on our furniture stores.

But I think we’ve got a very good furniture operation, not only with the Nebraska Furniture Mart, but at other furniture operations. And we will see whether the models work over the long run.

But I think, you know, they have a reasonable chance. Some things people — we’re learning that people will buy some things that they’ve always gone to the mall or to a retail outlet to buy, that they will do it online. And others don’t work so well. Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: I think that we’ll do better than most furniture retailers.

WARREN BUFFETT: I think that’s a certainty overall, overall. But we’ve got some good operations there.

But we don’t want to become a showroom for the online operations and have people come and look around the place and then order someplace else. So, we have to have the right prices. And we’re good at that at the Furniture Mart.

19. Pension funds should avoid “alternative” investments

WARREN BUFFETT: Station 4.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Warren and Charlie, my name is Brent Muio. I’m from Winnipeg, Canada.

First, thank you for devoting so much time and energy to education. I’m a better investor because of your efforts. But more important, I’m a better partner, friend, son, brother, and soon-to-be first-time father.

There’s nothing more important than these relationships. And my life is better, because you’re willing to pass on your experience and wisdom.

My path into finance was unconventional. I worked as an engineer for 12 years, while two years ago, I began a career in finance, working for the Civil Service Superannuation Board, a $7 billion public pension fund in Winnipeg.

I work on alternative investments, which include infrastructure, private equity, and private credit. I go to work every day knowing that I’m there to benefit the hardworking current and future beneficiaries of the fund.

Like most asset classes, alternative purchase multiples have increased. More of these assets are funded with borrowed money. And the terms and covenants on this debt are essentially nonexistent.

With this in mind and knowing the constraints of illiquid, closed-end funds, please give me your thoughts on private, alternative investments, the relevancy in public pension funds, and your view on long-term return expectations.

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah, if you leveraged up investments in just common stocks, and you’d figured a way so that you would have staying power, if there were any market dip, I mean, you’d obviously retain extraordinary returns.

I pointed out, in my investing lifetime, you know, if an index fund would do 11 percent, well, imagine how well you would’ve done if you’d leveraged that up 50 percent whatever the prevailing rates were over time.

So, a leveraged investment in a business is going to beat an unleveraged investment in a good business a good bit of the time. But as you point out, the covenants to protect debtholders have really deteriorated in the business. And of course, you’ve been in an upmarket for businesses. And you’ve got a period of low interest rates. So, it’s been a very good time for it.

My personal opinion is, if you take unleveraged returns against unleveraged common stocks, I do not think what is being purchased today and marketed today would work well.

But if you can borrow money, if you can buy assets that will yield 7 or 8 percent, you can borrow enough money at 4 percent or 5 percent, and you don’t have any covenants to meet, you’re going to have some bankruptcies. But you’re going to also have better results in many cases.

It’s not something that interests us at all. We are not going to leverage up Berkshire. If we’d leveraged up Berkshire, we’d have made a whole lot more money, obviously, over the years.

But both Charlie and I, probably, have seen some more high-IQ people — really extraordinarily high-IQ people — destroyed by leverage. We saw Long-Term Capital Management, where we had people who could do in their sleep math that we couldn’t do, at least I couldn’t do, you know, working full time at it during the day and, I mean, really, really smart people working with their own money and with years and years of experience of what they were doing.

And you know, it all turned to pumpkins and mice in 1998. And actually, it was a source of national concern, just a few hundred people. And then we saw some of those same people, after that happened to them once, go on and do the same thing again.

So, I would not get excited about so-called alternative investments. You can get all kinds of different figures. But there may be — there’s probably at least a trillion dollars committed to buying, in effect, buying businesses. And if you figure they’re going to leverage them, you know, two for one on that, you may have 3 trillion of buying power trying to buy businesses in — well, the U.S. market may be something over 30 trillion now — but there’s all kinds of businesses that aren’t for sale and that thing.

So, the supply-demand situation for buying businesses privately and leveraging them up has changed dramatically from what it was ten or 20 years ago.

And I’m sure it doesn’t happen with your Winnipeg operation, but we have seen a number of proposals from private equity funds, where the returns are really not calculated in a manner than — well, they’re not calculated in a manner that I would regard as honest.

And so I — it’s not something — if I were running a pension fund, I would be very careful about what was being offered to me.

If you have a choice in Wall Street between being a great analyst or being a great salesperson, salesperson is the way to make it.

If you can raise $10 billion in a fund, and you get a 1 1/2 percent fee, and you lock people up for ten years, you know, you and your children and your grandchildren will never have to do a thing, if you are the dumbest investor in the world. But —

Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: Well, I think what we’re doing will work more safely than what he’s doing. And — but I wish him well.

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah, Brent, you sound — actually, you sound like a guy that I would hope would be working for a public pension fund. Because frankly, most of the institutional funds, you know — well, we had this terrible — right here in Omaha — you can get a story of what happened with our Omaha Public Schools’ retirement fund. And they were doing fine until the manager started going in a different direction. And the trustees here — perfectly decent people — and the manager had done OK to that point, and —

CHARLIE MUNGER: Yeah, but they are smarter in Winnipeg than they are here.

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah. Well — (Laughter)

CHARLIE MUNGER: That was pretty bad here.

WARREN BUFFETT: It’s not a fair fight, actually, usually, when a bunch of public officials are listening to people who are motivated to really just get paid for raising the money. Everything else is gravy after that.

But if you run a fund, and you get even 1 percent of a billion, you’re getting $10 million a year coming in. And if you’ve got the money locked up for a long time, it’s a very one-sided deal.

And you know, I’ve told the story of asking the guy one time, in the past, “How in the world can you — why in the world can you ask for 2-and-20 when you really haven’t got any kind of evidence that you are going to do better with the money than you do in an index fund?” And he said, “Well, that’s because I can’t get 3-and-30,” you know. (Laughter)

CHARLIE MUNGER: What I don’t like about a lot of the pension fund investments is I think they like it because they don’t have to mark it down as much as it should be in the middle of the panics. I think that’s a silly reason to buy something. Because you’re given leniency in marking it down.

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah. And when you commit the money — in the case of private equity often — you — they don’t take the money, but you pay a fee on the money that you’ve committed.

And of course, you really have to have that money to come up with at any time. And of course, it makes their return look better, if you sit there for a long time in Treasury bills, which you have to hold, because they can call you up and demand the money, and they don’t count that.

They count it in terms of getting a fee on it. But they don’t count it in terms of what the so-called internal rate of return is. It’s not as good as it looks. And I really do think that when you have a group sitting as a state pension fund —

CHARLIE MUNGER: Warren, all they’re doing is lying a little bit to make the money come in.

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah. Yeah, well, that sums it up. (Laughter)

20. Amazon buy doesn’t mean portfolio managers aren’t “value” investors

WARREN BUFFETT: Becky?

BECKY QUICK: This question is from Ken Skarbeck in Indianapolis. He says, “With the full understanding that Warren had no input on the Amazon purchase, and that, relative to Berkshire, it’s likely a small stake, the investment still caught me off guard.

“I’m wondering if I should begin to think differently about Berkshire looking out, say, 20 years. Might we be seeing a shift in investment philosophy away from value-investing principles that the current management has practiced for 70 years?

“Amazon is a great company. Yet, it would seem its heady shares ten years into a bull market appear to conflict with being fearful when others are greedy. Considering this and other recent investments, like StoneCo, should we be preparing for change in the price-versus-value decisions that built Berkshire?”

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah. It’s interesting that the term “value investing” came up. Because I can assure you that both managers who — and one of them bought some Amazon stock in the last quarter, which will get reported in another week or ten days — he is a value investor.

The idea that value is somehow connected to book value or low price/earnings ratios or anything — as Charlie has said, all investing is value investing. I mean, you’re putting out some money now to get more later on. And you’re making a calculation as to the probabilities of getting that money and when you’ll get it and what interest rates will be in between.

And all the same calculation goes into it, whether you’re buying some bank at 70 percent of book value, or you’re buying Amazon at some very high multiple of reported earnings.

Amazon — the people making the decision on Amazon are absolutely as much value investors as I was when I was looking around for all these things selling below working capital, years ago. So, that has not changed.

The two people — one of whom made the investment in Amazon — they are looking at many hundreds of securities. And they can look at more than I can, because they’re managing less money. And their universe — possible universes — is greater.

But they are looking for things that they feel they understand what will be developed by that business between now and Judgement Day, in cash.

And it’s not — current sales can make some difference. Current profit margins can make some difference. Tangible assets, excess cash, excess debt, all of those things go into making a calculation as to whether they should buy A versus B versus C.

And they are absolutely following value principles. They don’t necessarily agree with each other or agree with me. But they are very smart. They are totally committed to Berkshire. And they’re very good human beings, on top of it.

So, I don’t second guess them on anything. Charlie doesn’t second guess me. In 60 years, he’s never second guessed me on an investment.

And the considerations are identical when you buy Amazon versus some, say, bank stock that looks cheap, statistically, against book value or earnings or something of the sort.

In the end, it all goes back to Aesop, who, in 600 B.C., said, you know, that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

And when we buy Amazon, we try and figure out whether the — the fellow that bought it — tries to figure out whether there’s three or four or five in the bush and how long it’ll take to get to the bush, how certain he is that he’s going to get to the bush, you know, and then who else is going to come and try and take the bush away and all of that sort of thing. And we do the same thing.

And it really, despite a lot of equations you learn in business school, the basic equation is that of Aesop. And your success in investing depends on how well you were able to figure out how certain that bush is, how far away it is, and what the worst case is, instead of two birds being there, and only one being there, and the possibilities of four or five or ten or 20 being there.

And that will guide me. That will guide my successors in investment management at Berkshire. And I think they’ll be right more often than they’re wrong. Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: Well I — Warren and I are a little older than some people, and —

WARREN BUFFETT: Damn near everybody. (Laughs)

CHARLIE MUNGER: And we’re not the most flexible, probably, in the whole world. And of course, if something as extreme as this internet development happens, and you don’t catch it, why, other people are going to blow by you.

And I don’t mind not having caught Amazon early. The guy is kind of a miracle worker. It’s very peculiar. I give myself a pass on that.

But I feel like a horse’s ass for not identifying Google better. I think Warren feels the same way.

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah.

CHARLIE MUNGER: We screwed up.

WARREN BUFFETT: He’s saying we blew it. (Laughter)

And we did have some insights into that, because we were using them at GEICO, and we were seeing the results produced. And we saw that we were paying $10 a click, or whatever it might’ve been, for something that had a marginal cost to them of exactly zero. And we saw it was working for us. So —

CHARLIE MUNGER: We could see in our own operations how well that Google advertising was working. And we just sat there sucking our thumbs. (Laughter)

So, we’re ashamed. We’re trying to atone. (Laughter)

Maybe Apple was atonement. (Laughter)

WARREN BUFFETT: When he says, “Sucking our thumbs,” I’m just glad he didn’t use some other example. (Laughter)

21. Buffett: Berkshire insurance businesses are worth more than you think

WARREN BUFFETT: OK, Jay?

JAY GELB: This question is on Berkshire’s intrinsic value. Warren, in your most-recent annual letter, you discussed a methodology to estimate Berkshire’s intrinsic value. However, a major component of Berkshire’s value that many investors find challenging to estimate is that of the company’s vast and unique insurance business.

Could you discuss how you value the company’s insurance unit, based on information Berkshire provides, especially since GAAP book value is not disclosed, of the insurance unit?

WARREN BUFFETT: Well, our insurance business gives us a float that’s other people’s money, which we’re temporarily holding, but which gets regenerated all the time, so as a practical matter, it has a very, very long life. And it’s probably a little more likely to grow than shrink.

So, we have $124 billion that people have given us. And that’s somewhat like having a bank that just consists of one guy. And people come in and deposit $124 billion and promise not to withdraw it forever.

And we’ve got a very good insurance business. It’s taken a very long time to develop it, very long time. In fact, I think we probably have the best property-casualty operation, all things considered, in the world, that I know of, of any size. So, it’s worth a lot of money.

It’s probably — we think it’s worth more to us, and we particularly think it’s worth more while lodged inside Berkshire. We’d have a very, very high value on that. I don’t want to give you an exact number, because I don’t know the exact number. And any number I would have given you in the past would’ve turned out to be wrong, on the low side.

We have managed to earn money on money that was given to us for nothing and have (inaudible) earnings from underwriting and then have these large earnings from investing. And it’s an integral part of Berkshire.

There’s a certain irony to insurance that most people don’t think about. But if you really are prepared, and you have a diversified property-casualty insurance business — a lot of property business in it — if you’re really prepared to pay your claims under any circumstances that come along in the next hundred years, you have to have so much capital in the business that it’s not a very good business.

And if you really think about a worst-case situation, the reinsurance — that’s insurance you buy from other people, as an insurance company, to protect you against the extreme losses, among other things — that reinsurance probably — could likely be — not good at all.

So, even though you’d think you’re laying off part of the risk, if you really take the worst-case examples, you may well not be laying off the risk. And if you keep the capital required to protect against that worst-case example, you’ll have so much capital in the business that it isn’t worthwhile.

Berkshire is really the ideal form for writing the business. Because we have this massive amount of assets that, in many cases, are largely uncorrelated with natural disasters. And we can — we don’t need to buy reinsurance from anybody else. And we can use the money in a more efficient way than most insurance companies.

It’s interesting. The three — In the last 30 years, the three largest reinsurance companies — and I’m counting Lloyd’s as one company — although it isn’t — it’s a group of brokers assembled in — underwriters assembled at a given location. But people think of Lloyd’s as a massive reinsurance market, which it is, not technically one entity. But if you take the three largest companies — and they’re all in fine shape now, they’re first-class operations — but all three of them came close to extinction sometime in the last 30 years, or reasonably close.

And we didn’t really have any truly extraordinary natural catastrophes. The worst we had was Katrina in, whatever it was, 2006 or thereabouts, 2005. But we didn’t have any worst-case situation. And all three of those companies, which everybody looks at as totally good on the asset side, if you show a recoverable from them, two of the three actually made some deals with us to help them in some way. And they’re all in fine shape now.

But it’s really not a good business if you keep your — as a standalone insurer — if you keep enough capital to really be sure you can pay anything that comes along, under any kind of conditions.

And Berkshire can do that. And it can use the money in ways that it likes to use.

So, it’s a very valuable asset. I don’t want to give you a figure on it. But we would not sell it. We certainly wouldn’t want to sell it for its float value. And that float is shown on the balance sheet as a liability. So, it’s extraordinary.

And it’s taken a long time to build. It’d be very, very, very hard for anybody to — I don’t think they could build anything like it. It just takes so long.

And we continue to plow new ground. If you went in the next room, you would’ve seen something called “THREE,” which is our movement toward small and medium business owners for commercial insurance. And there’s an online operation.

And it will take all kind — we’ll do all kinds of mid-course adjusting and that sort of thing — and we’ve only just started up in four states.

But we’ll, you know — ten or 20 years from now, that will be a significant asset of Berkshire, just like Geico has grown from two and a fraction billion of premium to, you know, who knows, but well into the mid-30 billion, just with Tony Nicely. And when I said, in the annual report, that Tony Nicely, who’s here today —

CHARLIE MUNGER: Warren, is there anybody in the world who has a big casualty insurance business that you’d trade our business for theirs?

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah, oh, no, it’s taken a long time. And it’s taken some tremendous people. And Tony Nicely has created more than 50 billion — with his associates, and he’s got 39,000 of them, probably more now, because he’s growing this year — he’s created more than $50 billion at GEICO — of value — for Berkshire. (Applause)

CHARLIE MUNGER: It’s pretty much what you’d expect. It’s such an easy business, taking in money now in cash and just keeping the books and giving a little of it back.

There’s a lot of stupidity that gets into it. And if you’re not way better than average at it, you’re going to lose money in the end. It’s a mediocre business for most people. And it’s good at Berkshire only because we’re a lot better at it. And if we ever stop being a lot better at it, it wouldn’t be safe for us, either.

WARREN BUFFETT: And Ajit Jain has done a similar thing. He’s done it in a variety of ways within the insurance business. But I would not want to undo — somebody would have to give me more than $50 billion to undo everything he has produced for Berkshire.

And he walked into my office on a Saturday in the mid-1980s. He’d never been in the insurance business before. And I don’t think there’s anybody in the insurance world that doesn’t wish that he’d walked into their office instead of ours, at Berkshire. It’s been extraordinary. It’s truly been extraordinary.

But we have Tom Nerney. We have Tim Kenesey at MedPro. We have Tom Nerney at U.S. Lability.

We have — at GUARD Insurance — we only bought that a few years ago, and that’s a terrific operation. It’s based in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. Who would expect to find a great insurance operation in Wilkes-Barre?

But we’ve got a great insurance — really great — insurance operation right here in Omaha, about two miles from here. And it was bought by us in 1967. And you know, it changed Berkshire. We built on that base.

We’ve got a — we really got a great insurance business. And I won’t give you a number, but it’s probably a bigger number than you’ve got in your head for — and it’s worth more within Berkshire than it would be worth as an independent operation.

Somebody can say, “Well, this little gem, if it was put out there, would sell at a higher multiple,” or something of the sort. It works much better as being part of a whole, where we have had two tiny operations — two tiny insurance operations — many, many years ago. And they both went broke. The underwriting was bad. But we paid all the claims. We did not walk away. We paid every dime of claims.

And nobody worries about doing any kind of financial transaction with Berkshire. And you know that today — on Saturday — about 9 in the morning, I got a phone call. And we made a deal the next day committing Berkshire to pay out $10 billion, come hell or high water, no outs for, you know, material adverse change or anything like that. And people know we’ll be there with $10 billion.

And they know, in the insurance business, when we write a policy that may come — be payable during the worst catastrophe in history, or may be payable 50 years from now, they know Berkshire will pay. And that’s why we’ve got $124 billion of float.

22. “Don’t go overboard on delayed gratification”

WARREN BUFFETT: OK, station 5.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Hey, Warren and Charlie. I’m Neel Noronha. I’m 13 years old and from San Francisco.

I feel like I see you in our living room a lot. My dad is constantly playing these videos of you at these meetings. And he teaches me a lot of lessons about you guys. But many of them require the delayed gratification skill. (Laughter)

I want to know, is there any way that kids can develop the delayed gratification skill? (Laughter and applause)

CHARLIE MUNGER: I’ll take it, if you want me to, Warren.

WARREN BUFFETT: Go to it.

CHARLIE MUNGER: I’ll take that, because I’m a specialist in delayed gratification. I’ve had a lot of time to delay it. (Laughter)

And my answer is that they sort of come out of the womb with the delayed gratification thing, or they come out of the womb where they have to have everything right now. And I’ve never been able to change them at all. So, we identify it. We don’t train it in.

WARREN BUFFETT: Charlie’s had eight children, so he’s become more and more of a believer in nature versus nurture. (Laughter)

CHARLIE MUNGER: You’ll probably see some nice, old woman of about 95 out there, in threadbare clothing. And she’s delaying gratification right to the end and probably has 4,000 A shares. (Laughter)

It’s just these second- and third-generation types that are buying all the jewelry.

WARREN BUFFETT: It’s interesting. If you think about — we’ll take it to a broader point. But if you think of a 30-year government bond paying 3 percent, and you allow for, as an individual, paying some taxes on the 3 percent you’ll receive, and you’ll have the Federal Reserve Board saying that their objective is to have 2 percent inflation, you’ll really see that delayed gratification, if you own a long government bond, is that, you know, you get to go to Disneyland and ride the same number of rides 30 years from now that you would if you did it now.

The low interest rates, for people who invest in fixed-dollar investments, really mean that you really aren’t going to eat steak later on if you eat hamburgers now, which is what I used to preach to my wife and children and anybody else that would listen, many years ago. (Laughs)

So, it’s — I don’t necessarily think that, for all families, in all circumstances, that saving money is necessarily the best thing to do in life. I mean, you know, if you really tell your kids they can —whatever it may be — they never go to the movies, or we’ll never go to Disneyland or something of the sort, because if I save this money, 30 years from now, you know, well, we’ll be able to stay a week instead of two days.

I think there’s a lot to be said for doing things that bring you and your family enjoyment, rather than trying to save every dime.

So, I — delayed gratification is not necessarily an unqualified course of action under all circumstances. I always believed in spending two or three cents out of every dollar I earn and saving the rest. (Laughter)

But I’ve always had everything I wanted. I mean, one thing you should understand, if you aren’t happy having $50,000 or a hundred-thousand dollars, you’re not going to be happy if you have 50 million or a hundred million.

I mean, a certain amount of money does make you feel — and those around you — feel better, just in terms of being more secure, in some cases.

But loads and loads of money — I probably know as many rich people as just about anybody. And I do not — I don’t think they’re happier because they get super rich. I think they are happier when they don’t have to worry about money.

But you don’t see a correlation between happiness and money, beyond a certain place. So, don’t go overboard on delayed gratification. (Applause)

23. Munger on succession: “You’re just going to have to endure us”

WARREN BUFFETT: Andrew?

ANDREW ROSS SORKIN: This question comes from a shareholder of yours for more than 20 years, who asked to remain anonymous, but wanted me to start by saying, “Warren and Charlie, I want to preface this question by saying it comes from a place of love for both of you and the beautiful painting you’ve drawn for us in the form of Berkshire.”

WARREN BUFFETT: But. (Laughter)

ANDREW ROSS SORKIN: “Now, please update us on succession planning. And as you think about succession, would you ever consider having Greg (Abel) and Ajit (Jain) join you onstage at future annual meetings and allow us to ask questions of them and Ted and Todd, as well, so we can get a better sense of their thinking?”

WARREN BUFFETT: That’s probably a pretty good idea. And we’ve talked about it. (Applause)

We have Greg and Ajit here. And any questions that anybody wants to direct to them, it’s very easy to move them over.

So, we thought about having four of us up here. And this format is not set in stone at all.

Because you — I can tell you that, actually, the truth is, Charlie and I are afraid of looking bad. Those guys are better than we are. (Laughs)

You could not have two better operating managers than Greg and Ajit. I mean, they are — it is just fantastic, what they accomplished.

They know the businesses better. They work harder, by far. And you are absolutely invited to ask questions to be directed over to them at this meeting. I don’t think —

Yeah, this format will not be around forever. And if it’s better to get them up on the stage, we’ll be happy to do it.

Ted (Weschler) and Todd (Combs), they’re basically not going to answer investment questions. We regard investment decisions as proprietary, basically. They belong to Berkshire. And we are not an investment advisory organization. So, that is counter to the interests of Berkshire for them to be talking about securities they own. It’s counter to the interests of Berkshire for Charlie or me to be doing it.

We’ve done better because we don’t publish every day what we’re buying and selling. I mean, if somebody’s working on a new product at Apple, or somebody’s working on a new drug or they’re assembling property or something of the sort, they do not go out and tell everybody in the world exactly what they’re doing every day.

And we’re trying to generate ideas in investment. And we do not believe in telling the world what we’re doing every day, except to the extent that we’re legally required. But it’s a good idea. Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: Well, one of the reasons we have trouble with these questions is because Berkshire is so very peculiar. There’s only one thing like it.

We have a different kind of unbureaucratic way of making decisions. There aren’t any people in headquarters. We don’t have endless committees deliberating forever and making bad decisions. We just — we’re radically different. And it’s awkward being so different. But I don’t want to be like everybody else, because this has worked better. So, I think you’re just going to have to endure us. (Laughter and applause)

WARREN BUFFETT: We do think that it’s a huge corporate asset, which may only surface very occasionally and depending very much on how the world is around us. But to be the one place, I think, in the world, almost, where somebody can call on a Saturday morning and meet on Sunday morning and have a $10 billion commitment.

And nobody in the world doubts whether that commitment will be upheld. And it’s not subject to any kind of welching on the part of the company that’s doing it. It’s got nothing involved over than Berkshire’s word. And that’s an asset that, every now and then, will be worth a lot of money to Berkshire. And I don’t really think it will be subject to competition.

So — and Ted and Todd, in particular, are an additional pipeline, and have proven to be an additional pipeline, in terms of facilitating the exercise of that ability. I mean they — things come in through them that, for one reason or another, I might not hear about otherwise.

So, they have expanded our universe. In the markets we’ve had in recent years, that hasn’t been important. I can see periods where they would be enormously valuable. Just take the question that was raised by the fellow from Winnipeg about weak covenants and bonds.

I mean, we could have a situation — who knows when, who knows where, or who knows whether — but we could have a situation where there could be massive defaults in the junk-bond-type market. We’ve had those a couple times. And we made a fair amount of money off of them.

But Ted and Todd would multiply our effectiveness in a big way, if such a period comes along, or some other types of periods come along. They are very, very, very useful to Berkshire.

The call happened to come in on Friday from Brian Moynihan, CEO of Bank of America. And he’s done an incredible job. But we have a better chance of getting more calls and having them properly filtered and everything — appropriately filtered — the next time conditions get chaotic than we did last time. And that’s important.

Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: Well, I do think it’s true that if the world goes to hell in a hand basket, that you people will be in the right company. We’ve got a lot of cash and we know how to behave well in a panic. And if the world doesn’t go to hell, are things so bad now?

24. Munger invited to happy hour by the bitcoin people

CHARLIE MUNGER: And I also want to report that your vice chairman is getting new social distinction.

I’ve been invited during this gathering to go to a happy hour put on by the bitcoin people. (Laughter)

And I’ve tried to figure out what the bitcoin people do in their happy hour, and I finally figured it out. They celebrate the life and work of Judas Iscariot. (Laughter)

CHARLIE MUNGER: Is your invitation still good? (Laughter)

WARREN BUFFETT: Bitcoin — actually — on my honeymoon in 1952, my bride, 19, and I, 21 — stopped in Las Vegas. We just got in — my aunt Alice gave me the car and said, “Have a good time,” and we went west.

So, we stopped in the Flamingo, and I looked around, and I saw all of these well-dressed — they dressed better in those days — well-dressed people who had come, in some cases, from thousands of miles away. And this was before jets, so transportation wasn’t as good.

And they came to do something that every damn one of them knew was mathematically dumb. And I told Susie, I said, “We are going to make a lot of money.” (Laughter)

I mean, imagine people going to stick money on some roulette number with a zero and a double-zero there and knowing the percent. They all could do it, and they — they just do it. And I have to say, bitcoin has rejuvenated that feeling in me. (Laughter)

25. Berkshire will probably increase stakes above 10% if regulations are eased

WARREN BUFFETT: OK, Gregg?

GREGG WARREN: Warren and Charlie. While I understand Berkshire’s need to trim its stake in Wells Fargo and any other banks you hold, each year, in order to bring Berkshire’s ownership stake below the 10 percent threshold required by the Federal Reserve for bank holdings, given the ongoing share repurchase activity that’s taking place in the industry.

I was kind of surprised, though, to see you move to trim all of your holdings, where possible, on a regular basis to eliminate the regulatory requirements that come with ownership levels above 10 percent, which in my view limits the investment universe that Berkshire, or at least Warren, can meaningfully invest in longer term, given that Warren manages a large chunk of Berkshire’s $200 billion equity portfolio.

Could you elaborate more on the regulatory impact for Berkshire of holding more than 10 percent of any company’s stock, as well as how you feel about the Fed’s recent proposal to allow investors like Berkshire to own up to 25 percent shares of a bank without triggering more restrictive rules and oversight?

Basically, if that proposal were to come to fruition, would you be willing to forego that 10 percent threshold self-imposed that you’ve done, and put money to work in names that you’re already fairly comfortable with?

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah, the 10 percent, there’s a couple reasons —

CHARLIE MUNGER: That’s the right answer. Yeah. (Laughter)

WARREN BUFFETT: We will — there’s two factors beyond in the case of banks. There’s the Federal Reserve requirement there. But many people probably don’t even — might not know about this, but if you own over 10 percent of a security — common stock — and you sell it within six months at a profit, you give the money over to the company, the short-swing profit that you give them.

And you match your — any sale against your lowest purchase. And I think if you sell it and then buy it within six months — I’m not as positive about that, because I haven’t reread the rule for a lot of years. But I think if you sell and then buy within six months, and the purchase is below the price at which you made the sale, you owe the money to the company.

There used to be lawyers that would scan that monthly SEC report that I used to get 30 or 40 years ago. They would scan it to find people that inadvertently had broken that rule, and they would get paid a fee for recovering it for the company.

So, it restricts enormous — it restricts significantly your ability to reverse a position or change your mind or something of the sort.

Secondly, I think you have to report within two or three business days every purchase you make once you’re in that over 10 percent factor. So, you’re advertising to the world, but the world tends to follow us some, so it really — it has a huge execution cost attached to it.

Nevertheless — and those are both significant minuses, and they’re both things that people generally don’t think about.

We did go over recently, for example, in Delta Airlines, that was actually an accident, but I don’t mind the fact at all that we did.

And if the Federal Reserve changes its approach, we won’t have to trim down below that. We don’t want to become a bank holding company and we don’t want to —

We went in many years ago and got permission with Wells, but then our permission expired, and we went in again a few — a couple years ago. And we spent a year or so, and there were just a million questions that Wells got asked about us and so on.

So, it’s been a deterrent. It’ll be less of a deterrent in the future, but it does have those two —

The short-swing thing is less onerous to us than it would be to most people who buy and sell stocks, because we don’t really think in terms of doing much.

CHARLIE MUNGER: But if we didn’t have all these damn rules, we would cheerfully buy more, wouldn’t we?

WARREN BUFFETT: Sure, sure. Well, any time we buy we do it cheerfully, but —

Yeah. And we will — you’ll probably see us at more than 10 percent in more things. And if the Fed should change its rules, there will be companies where we drift up over 10 percent simply because they’re repurchasing their shares. That’s been the case with Wells, and it’s been the case with an airline or two in the last year or so.

So, if we like 9.5 percent of a company, we’d like 15 percent better, and you may see us behave a little differently on that in the future.

CHARLIE MUNGER: Well, one more awkward disadvantage of being extremely rich.

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah. (Laughter)

And it really is. Yeah, and people following you. I mean, the followers problem can be a real problem.

26. Money managers need to set expectations for their investors

WARREN BUFFETT: OK, station 6.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Hi. I’m Jeff Malloy (PH) from San Francisco. And this is my first shareholders meeting.

Mr. Buffett and Mr. Munger, I’m 27 years old and aspire to be a great money manager like you two one day.

I’m considering starting my own investment fund, but I also recognize that I am young and have a lot to learn. My question to both of you is, how did you know you were ready to manage other people’s money? And what general advice would you give to someone in my shoes? Thank you.

WARREN BUFFETT: Well, that’s a very interesting question, because I’ve faced that. And I sold securities for a while, but in May of 1956, I had a number of members of my family — I’d come back from New York, and they wanted me to help them out with stocks as I had earlier before I’d taken a job in New York. And I said, I did not want to get in the stock sales business, but I wanted to — I enjoyed investing. I was glad to figure out a way to do it, which I did through a partnership form.

But I would not have done that, if I thought there was any chance, really, that I would lose the money.

And what I was worried about was not how I would behave, but how they would behave, because I needed people who were in sync with me. So, when we sat down for dinner in May of 1956 with seven people who either were related to me, or one was a roommate in college and his mother.

And I showed them the partnership agreement, and I said, “You don’t need to read this.” You know, there’s no way that I’m doing anything in the agreement that is any way that — you know, you don’t need a lawyer to read it or anything of the sort.

But I said, “Here are the ground rules as to what I think I can do and how I want to be judged, and if you’re in sync with me, I want to manage your money, because I won’t worry about the fact that you will panic if the market goes down or somebody tells you to do something different. So, we have to be on the same page.”

“And if we’re on the same page, then I’m not worried about managing your money. And if we aren’t on the same page, I don’t want to manage your money, because you may be disappointed when I think that things are even better to be investing and so on.”

So, I don’t you want to manage other people’s money until you have a vehicle and can reach the kind of people that will be in sync with you. I think you ought to have your own ground rules as to what your expectations are, when they should you roses and when they should throw bricks at you.

And you want to be on the same — and that’s one reason I never — we didn’t have a single institution in the partnership, because institutions meant committees, and committees meant that —

CHARLIE MUNGER: You had some aunts that trusted you.

WARREN BUFFETT: What’s that?

CHARLIE MUNGER: You had some aunts who trusted you.

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah, well, and a father-in-law who gave me everything he had in the world, you know. And I didn’t mind taking everything he had in the world, as long as he would stick with me and wouldn’t get panicked by headlines and that sort of thing.

And so, it’s enormously important that you don’t take people that have expectations of you that you can’t meet. And that means you turn down a lot of people. It means you probably start very small, and you get an audited record.

And when you’ve got the confidence, where if your own parents came to you and they were going to give you all their money, and you were going to invest for them, I think that’s the kind of confidence that you’ll say, “I may not get the best record, but I’ll be sure that you get a decent record over time,” that’s when you’re ready to go on the —

CHARLIE MUNGER: Let me tell you story that I tell young lawyers who frequently come to me and say, “How can I quit practicing law and become a billionaire instead?” (Laughter)

So, I say, well, it reminds me of a story they tell about Mozart. A young man came to him, and he said, “I want to compose symphonies. I want to talk to you about that.”

And Mozart said, “How old are you?” And the man said, “Twenty-two.” And Mozart said, “You’re too young to do symphonies.” And the guy says, “But you were writing symphonies when you were ten years old.” He says, “Yes, but I wasn’t running around asking other people how to do it.” (Laughter)

WARREN BUFFETT: Carol?

We wish you well. (Laughter)

And we, and actually, we really do, because the fact you asked that sort of a question is to some extent indicative of the fact you got the right attitude going in.

CHARLIE MUNGER: It isn’t that easy to be a great investor. I don’t think we’d have made it.

27. Berkshire doesn’t have to disclose most foreign stock holdings, so it doesn’t

CAROL LOOMIS: This question is from Franz Traumburger (PH) of Austria and his son, Leon, who are both Berkshire shareholders. And it’s interesting to me that in the years we’ve been doing this, nobody has ever asked this question, as far as I know.

Their question is, “Mr. Buffett, I believe it is correct that in its SEC filings — that is the Securities and Exchange Commission — Berkshire does not have to give information about foreign stocks it holds.

“Assuming we hold foreign stocks, could you please tell us what our five largest positions are?”

WARREN BUFFETT: No, the fellow wants investment information. We really aren’t in the investment information business. We disclose what we have to disclose, but we could set up an investment advisory firm and probably take in a lot of money, but we haven’t done it. And we aren’t giving away what belongs to our shareholders for nothing.

But he’s correct that — I’m 99 percent sure he’s correct, and Marc Hamburg can correct me from our office — but we do not have to report foreign stocks.

And we do have — in certain important countries, there’s lower thresholds at which we have to report our holdings, as a percentage of the company stock outstanding — there’s lower thresholds than there are in the United States.

So, in a sense — in certain stocks. I think when we bought Munich Re stock or bought Tesco stock, or there are certain stocks we’ve had to report at — before we would have had to report in the United States.

But we will never unnecessarily advise if we plan to buy some land some place, if we plan to develop a business — we are not about giving business information that’s proprietary to Berkshire. We don’t give it unless we’re required by law.

And he is correct that, I’m virtually certain that we do not have to report our foreign stocks on the SEC filings. And he’ll have to find his own holdings in Austria.

But I think this Mozart story may have encouraged that particular question from Austria, what stocks we’re going to own in Austria. OK, Charlie, do you have any comments on that?

CHARLIE MUNGER: No.

WARREN BUFFETT: No, I didn’t think you would. (Laughs)

28. Buffett expects Precision Castparts earnings will “improve fairly significantly”

WARREN BUFFETT: Jonny?

JONATHAN BRANDT: Precision Castparts’ pre-tax profit margins, while perfectly fine relative to American industry as a whole, continue to be almost 10 percentage points below where they were in the years preceding the acquisition. And I’m guessing they’re lower than contemplated when the purchase price was determined.

The annual report hints that unplanned shutdowns, the learning curve on new plane models, and a shift of oil and gas capacity to aerospace, might all be temporarily depressing margins. But it’s unclear what a reasonable, long-term margin expectation is for this unit.

Now, I know you won’t want to issue a specific margin target or forecast, but I do have a question that I hope you can answer.

Is the downward trend in earning since 2015 mostly due to these transitory items, or have the competitive structure of the industry and Precision’s relationship with its customers changed to the point that meaningful increases from current margin levels are probably unlikely?

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah. Your prelude is quite correct. I mean, they are below what we projected a few years ago. And my expectation — but I would have told you this a year ago — and they have improved somewhat.

My expectation is, based on the contracts we have and the fact that the initial years in anything in the aircraft industry, for example, tend to be less profitable as you go further down the learning curve and the volume curve, tend to be lower in the near-term. My expectation is that the earnings of Precision will improve fairly significantly.

And I think I mentioned maybe to you last year, in those earnings, there is about $400 million a year of purchase amortization, which are economic earnings in my viewpoint.

So — but even including that 400 million a year, which they would be reporting if they were independent, and we don’t report, because we bought them and there’s a purchase amortization charge. Even without that, they are below what I would anticipate by a fair margin within a year or two. That’s the present expectation on my part. Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: No, I don’t have anything.

WARREN BUFFETT: You’ll have that question for me next year, and I think I’ll be giving you a different answer.

29. The older you get, the better you understand human behavior

WARREN BUFFETT: OK, station 7.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Good morning Mr. Buffett, Mr. Munger. My name is JC. (PH) I am 11 years old, and I came from China. This is my second year at the meeting.

Mr. Munger, it’s great to see you again after the Daily Journal meeting in February.

Mr. Buffett, you mentioned that the older you get, the more you understood about human nature. Could you elaborate more about what you’ve learned, and how can the differences of human nature help you make a better investment? I would also like Mr. Munger to comment on that, please. Thank you very much. (Applause)

WARREN BUFFETT: You should wait for Charlie’s answer, because he’s even older. (Laughter)

He can tell you more about being old than I can even.

It’s absolutely true that virtually any yardstick you use, I’m going downhill. And, you know, if I would take an SAT test now, and you could compare it to a score of what I was in my early 20s, I think it’d be quite embarrassing. (Laughs)

And Charlie and I can give you a lot of examples, and there’s others we won’t tell you about how things decline as you get older.

But I would say this. It’s absolutely true in my view that you can and should understand human behavior better as you do get older. You just have more experience with it. And I don’t think you can read — Charlie and I read every book we could on every subject we were interested in, you know, when we were very young. And we learned an enormous amount just from studying the lives of other people.

And — but I don’t think you can get to be an expert on human behavior at all by reading books, no matter what your I.Q. is, no matter who the teacher is. And I think that you really do learn a lot about human behavior. Sometimes you have to learn it by having multiple experiences.

I actually think I, despite all the other shortcomings — and I can’t do mental arithmetic as fast as I used to, and I can’t read as fast as I used to.

But I do think that I know a lot more about human behavior than I did when I was 25 or 30 —

CHARLIE MUNGER: I’ll give you — do you want one mantra? It comes from a Chinese gentleman who just died, Lee Kuan Yew, who was the greatest nation builder probably that ever lived in the history of the world.

And he said one thing over and over and over again all his life. “Figure out what works, and do it.” If you just go at life with that simple philosophy from your own national group, you will find it works wonderfully well. Figure out what works, and do it.

WARREN BUFFETT: And figuring out what works means figuring out how other people —

CHARLIE MUNGER: Of course.

WARREN BUFFETT: — behave.

CHARLIE MUNGER: Of course.

WARREN BUFFETT: And Charlie and I have seen the extremes in human behavior, in so many unexpected ways.

CHARLIE MUNGER: Now we get it every night, extremes in human behavior. All you got to do is turn on the television.

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah. I’m glad he used that example. (Laughter)

30. Ajit Jain on pricing unconventional insurance contracts

WARREN BUFFETT: OK, Becky?

BECKY QUICK: Warren, you mentioned, in response to an earlier question, that Ajit (Jain) and Greg (Abel) are both here to answer questions, and so I thought I’d ask this question that comes from Will in Seattle. He says, his question is for Mr. Ajit Jain and Mr. Warren Buffett.

“You have said that you communicate regularly about unconventional insurance contracts that expose the company to extremely unlikely but highly costly events. I’m curious about how you think about and safely price these unconventional insurance contracts. What analyses and mental checks do you run through your head, to make sure that Berkshire Hathaway will profit without being unduly exposed to catastrophic risk?

“Furthermore, Mr. Buffett, would you want a future CEO to continue a similarly close collaboration with the chief underwriter?”

WARREN BUFFETT: We will get a microphone to Ajit and a spotlight in just a second. And there he is.

Ajit, why don’t you answer first, if you’d like to?

AJIT JAIN: Hi. Obviously, the starting point, I mean, these situations where there’s not enough data to hang your hat on, it’s more of an art than a science.

We start off with as much science as we can use, looking at historical data that relates to the risk in particular, or something that comes close to relating to the risk that we’re looking at.

And then beyond that, if there’s not enough historical data we can look at, then clearly, we have to make a judgment in terms of, what are the odds of something like that happening?

We try — we absolutely, in situations like that, we absolutely make sure we cap our exposure. So, that if something bad happens or we’ve got something wrong, we absolutely know that how much money we can lose and whether we can absorb that loss without much pain to the income statement or the balance sheet.

In terms of art, it’s a difficult situation. More often than not, it’s impossible to have a point of view, and we end up passing on it.

But every now and then, we think we can get a price where the subjective odds we have of something like that happening has a significant margin of safety in it. So, we feel it’s a risk that’s worth taking.

Then finally, the absolute acid test is, I pick up the phone and call Warren. “Warren, here’s a deal. What do you think?” (Laughter) OK. Your turn, Warren.

WARREN BUFFETT: OK. (Applause)

CHARLIE MUNGER: It’s not easy, and you wouldn’t want just anybody doing it for you.

WARREN BUFFETT: No, no. In fact, the only one I would want doing it for us on the kind of things we have sometimes received is Ajit. I mean, it’s that simple. There isn’t anybody like him.

And as Ajit said, we’ll look at a worst case, but we are willing, if we like the odds, and like you say, there’s no way to look these up.

We can tell you how many 6.0 or greater earthquakes have happened in the last hundred years in Alaska or California or so on. And there’s a lot of things you can look up figures on. Sometimes those are useful, and sometimes they aren’t. But there’s a lot where you can get a lot of data.

And then there’s others that — well, after 9/11, you know, was that going to be the first of several other attacks that were going to happen very quickly? There were planes flying that couldn’t — well they couldn’t land in Hong Kong, as I remember. I think it was Cathay Pacific couldn’t land in Hong Kong the following Monday unless they had a big liability coverage placed with somebody.

I mean, the world had to go on. The people that held mortgages on the Sears Tower all of a sudden wanted coverage. —I think that actually was one — but they were just pouring in, of people that hadn’t been worried about something a week earlier, and now they were worried about things involving huge sums.

And there were really only a couple people in the world that would even listen and had the capacity to take on a lot of the deals we were proposed. And there’s no book to look up. So, you do — there’s a big element of judgment.

Ajit and I — I mean, Ajit’s a hundred times better at this than I am, but we do tend to think alike on this sort of thing. You don’t want to think too much alike, but we think alike. I’ve got a willingness to lose a lot of money.

And most, well, virtually every insurance company if they get up to higher limits, they’ve got treaties in place, and they can only take this much. So, the world was paralyzed on that.

We don’t get those, but now obviously. But we do occasionally get inquiries about doing things that really nobody else in the world can do. It’s a little like our investment situation, only transferred over to insurance. We don’t build a business around it, but we are ready when the time comes.

And Ajit is an asset that no other company in the world has. And we work him. And we actually enjoy a lot talking to each other about these kind of risks, because he’ll ask me to think about what the price should be. And he’ll think about — we don’t tell each other ahead of time. And then I’ll name it, and then he’ll say, “Have you lost your mind, Warren?” (Laughs)

And then he’ll point something out to me that I’ve overlooked. And it’s a lot of fun, and it’s made us a lot of money.

And the shareholders of Berkshire Hathaway are extraordinarily lucky. You can’t hire people like Ajit. I mean, you get them once in a lifetime. Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: I don’t think we helped him very much. It’s really difficult.

WARREN BUFFETT: There will be a time when — I mean, I probably won’t be around then — but there will be a time occasionally, just like in financial markets, when things are happening in the insurance world, and basically, Berkshire will be the only one — virtually the only one — people turn to.

CHARLIE MUNGER: But in the past, Ajit, talking to you, has added more than $50 billion to the balance sheet at Berkshire, by making these oddball calls.

WARREN BUFFETT: And if he hadn’t talked to me, it’d be probably 49.9 billion, you know? (Laughs)

But you don’t want to try — don’t try this at home.

CHARLIE MUNGER: Yeah, that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

WARREN BUFFETT: No. And it’s not very teachable.

CHARLIE MUNGER: No, it isn’t very teachable, you’re right.

WARREN BUFFETT: No, it is not something that Berkshire has some secret formula someplace for it. It basically is a very unusual talent with Ajit, and —

CHARLIE MUNGER: We’re not holding anything back. It’s hard.

31. Despite Kraft Heinz problems, Berkshire could partner with 3G again

WARREN BUFFETT: OK, Jay? (Applause)

JAY GELB: This question is on Berkshire’s relationship with 3G Capital. Kraft Heinz’s recent challenges have raised questions about whether Berkshire’s partnership with 3G has become a weakness for Berkshire.

Warren, what are your thoughts on this? And would Berkshire be open to partnering again with 3G in a major acquisition?

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah, they are our partners, and we joined them. We had a one-page agreement, which I haven’t even actually ever reread. I mean, Jorge Paulo, I mean, is a good friend of mine. I think he’s a marvelous human being. And I’m pleased that we are partners. It’s conceivable that something would come up.

They have more of a taste for leverage than we do, and they probably have more of a taste for paying up, but they also are, in certain types of situations, they’d be way better operators than we would.

I mean, they go into situations that need improvement, and they have improved them. But I think both they and we, I know we did underestimate, not what the consumer is doing so much, but what the retailer is.

And at See’s Candy, we sell directly to the consumer, but at Kraft Heinz, they’re intermediaries. And those intermediaries are trying to make money. We’re trying to make money.

And the brand is our protection against the intermediaries making all the money.

Costco tried to drop Coca-Cola back in, I think 2008, and you can’t drop Coca-Cola, you know, and not disappoint a lot of customers.

Snickers bars are the number one candy that Mars makes. And they’ve been number one for 30 or 40 years. And if you walk into a drugstore, and the guy says, “The Snickers are 75 cents or whatever it might be, and I’ve got this special little bar my wife and I make in the back of the store, and it’s only 50 cents, and it’s just as good,” you don’t buy it, you know. When you’re at some other place the next time, you buy the Snickers bar.

So, brands can be enormously valuable, but many of the brands are dependent, most of them — Geico is not, Geico goes directly to the consumer. If we save the consumer money on insurance, they’re going to buy it from us.

And our brand, you know — and we’ll spend well over a billion and a half on advertising this year, and you think, my God, we started this in 1936, and we were saying the same thing then about saving 15 percent in 15 minutes or something of the sort — not exactly the same — but that brand is huge, and we have to come through on the promise we give, which is to save people significant money on insurance — a great many people. That brand is huge, and we’re dealing directly with the consumer.

And when you’re selling Kool-Aid or ketchup or, you know, Heinz 57 sauce or something, you are going through a channel, and they would — the phrase was used earlier today. You know, our gross margin is their opportunity, and we think that the ultimate consumer is going to force them to have our product, and that we will get the gross margin.

And that fight, that tension, has increased in the last five years and I think is likely to increase the next five or ten years. And Charlie is a director of a company that has caused me to think a lot about that subject. Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: Well. What I think is interesting about the 3G situation, it was a long series of transactions that worked very well, and finally there was one transaction at the end that didn’t work so well.

That is a very normal outcome of success in a big place with a lot of young men who want to get rich quick. And it just happens again and again. And you do want to be careful.

It’s so much easier to take the good ideas and push them to wretched excess.

WARREN BUFFETT: Yeah, that is — no idea is good at any price, and the price settlement is probably something that we worry more about generally than our partners, but we are their partners in Kraft Heinz. And it’s not at all inconceivable that we could be partners in some other transaction in the future.

32. Buffett’s not worried about strength of Kraft Heinz’s brands

WARREN BUFFETT: OK. Station 8.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Hello Warren and Charlie. Consumer tastes are changing. I think if we asked how many people here in the arena have eaten Velveeta cheese in the last year or so, there’d be only a small handful, maybe more for Jell-O.

3G’s playbook of cutting R&D looks to have stifled new product development amidst changing preferences.

So, here’s my question. Why continue to hold when the moat appears to be dry? Or do you think it is filling back up?

CHARLIE MUNGER: Well, I don’t think the problem was that they cut research or something. I think the problem was, they paid a little too much for the last acquisition.

WARREN BUFFETT: That Jell-O — I can’t give you the exact figures. There are certain brands that may be declining 2 percent a year or 3 percent a year in unit sales, and there’s others that are growing 1 or 2 percent. There’s not dramatic changes taking place at all. I mean, Kraft Heinz is earning more money than Kraft and Heinz were earning six or seven years ago.

I mean, and the products are being used in a huge way. Now it’s true that certain — that there are always trends going to some degree, but they have not fallen apart, remotely. And they have widened the margin somewhat.

But it is tougher, in terms of the margin and the price negotiations, probably to go through to the actual consumer. It’s become a somewhat tougher passageway for all food companies, than it was ten years ago. It’s still a terrific business.

I mean, you know, you mentioned Jell-O or Velveeta. Charlie worked at my grandfather’s grocery store in 1940, I worked there in ’41. And they were buying those products then, and they buy the products now. The margins are still very good. They earn terrific returns on invested capital. But we paid too much in the case of Kraft.

You can pay too much for a growing brand. I mean, you can pay way too much for a growing brand, probably be easier to be sucked into that. So, I basically don’t worry about the brands.

A certain number are very strong, and a certain number are declining a bit. But that was the case 10 years ago. It’ll be the case 10 years from now. There’s nothing dramatic happening in that.

33. Buffett’s biggest problem with Apple is the stock keeps going up

WARREN BUFFETT: OK, we’ll take one more, and then we’ll break for lunch. Andrew.

ANDREW ROSS SORKIN: Thank you, Warren. Question on technology and the company’s biggest holding now.

“Given that Apple is now our largest holding, tell us more about your thinking. What do you think about the regulatory challenges the company faces, for example? Spotify has filed a complaint against Apple in Europe on antitrust grounds. Elizabeth Warren has proposed ending Apple’s control over the App Store, which would impact the company’s strategy to increase its services businesses. Are these criticisms fair?”

WARREN BUFFETT: Well, again, I will tell you that all of the points you’ve made I’m aware of, and I like our Apple holdings very much. I mean, it is our largest holdings.

And actually, what hurts, in the case of Apple, is that the stock has gone up. You know, we’d much rather have the stock — and I’m not proposing anything be done about it — but we’d much rather have the stock at a lower price so we could buy more stock.

And importantly, if Apple — I mean, they authorized another 75 billion the other day — but let’s say they’re going to spend a hundred billion dollars in buying in their stock in the next three years. You know, it’s very simple. If they buy it at 200, they’re going to get 500 million shares. They’ve got 4 billion, 600 million out now. And so they’ll end up with 4.1 billion under that circumstance.

If they’re buying at 150, they buy in 667 million shares. And instead of owning what we would own in the first case, we’d now — the divisor would be less than 4 billion, and we’d own a greater percentage of it.

So, in effect, a major portion of earnings — at least possibly, it’s at least been authorized — will be spent in terms of increasing our ownership without us paying out a dime, which I love for a wonderful business.

And the recent development, when the stock has moved up substantially, actually hurts Berkshire over time. We’ll still do — In my opinion, we’ll do fine, but we’re not going to dissect our expectations about Apple, you know, for people who may be buying it against us tomorrow or something of the sort. We don’t give away investment advice on that for nothing.

But we have — all the things you’ve mentioned, obviously we know about, and we’ve got a whole bunch of other variables that we crank into it. And we like the fact that it’s our largest holding. Charlie?

CHARLIE MUNGER: Well, in my family, the people who have Apple phones, it’s the last thing they’ll give up. (Laughter)