#yes...i am allowed to make my characters and stories self indulgent...

[maxpawb]

More concept art for character world/story

[thegreymoon]

The Story of Minglan

I am so upset about Buwei's death but very curious about what is coming next. Since this is a c-drama and they can't have an immoral Emperor on the throne as an endgame, I suppose that the Yong family is going down one way or another. Let's hope they take the Qi household with them, especially Princess Pingning.

Team Prince Yan!

***

Yawn.

My lack of sympathy for this woman and her whole family cannot be overstated.

***

Did any of you care whether other people lived or died?

Fuck you both.

And the best part is that his stupid ass thought that if he was to whine in front of the Emperor about Minglan, this useless man would grant him the marriage 🤣🤣

***

He has already forgotten that she beat Buwei to death because of him, smh, and they are back to business as usual.

Human lives literally mean nothing to either of them. I wouldn't be able to forgive her if she murdered a pet hamster to hurt me, let alone a whole human being 😡😡

***

Hopefully, he will be lucky enough not to meet you in his next life.

***

Oh, boo-hoo.

How terrible for your mother and you that your delusions of grandeur are just that. Delusions. Classism is hell of a drug.

I hope you get squashed.

***

Do it!! Please! Make my day!!

***

LMAO, WHAT HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIP?

You have literally had people raped and kidnapped, and very likely murdered. And here you are, threatening to murder more. The cognitive dissonance, I cannot 🤣🤣

***

Oh, yes, your daughter is going to be so happy in this marriage 🙄

Sooooooo happy!! Everything a loving parent would want for their child 🙄🙄

They are all literally insane. Unlimited power and wealth have rotted their brains.

***

That this needs to be spelled out for him is just 🤯🤯

And, like, we don't even go as far as Consort Yong. His own shitty mother could and would do this if he was to somehow elope with Minglan. This is also why there is absolutely no chance the Sheng family would allow this marriage to happen without the Duke and Duchess of Qi fully onboard and Minglan would never do anything that would jeopardise her entire family, such as run off with him without their permission.

***

MTE, Qi Heng, I fully agree with you on this.

Why anyone would bother to even cross the street for your worthless ass, let alone bloody their hands to get you, is very much beyond me.

***

LMAO, YOU ARE A USELESS MOTHER!

He is not a "thing", he is a whole human and you are talking about marriage here, an entwining of lives. How happy is she going to be, married to a man who resents her? Who married her only because you threatened to kill his parents and the woman he loves? Are you serious? OK, I can buy that an endlessly indulged princess will have the brain power and impulse control of a toddler and may not be able to see the full consequences of this, but what is your excuse? Moreover, what is your husband's excuse? All of you have worms for brains.

***

I'VE BEEN SAYING!!

Why must you make me agree with Qi Heng, smh?

Anyway, I can't wait to watch Zhu Yilong in something else. No love for this particular character but he's really fantastic, very subtle and very expressive.

***

Oh, thank god.

Hopefully, now Minglan can let him go and go back to being her usual intelligent self. This doomed side ship has been getting on my last nerve.

***

What the absolute fuck are you talking about, Gu Tingye? I thought you were supposed to be smart and looking out for Minglan!

Yes, please kidnap a fucking Imperial princess and see how well that works out both for the House of Qi and Sheng!

Why is everyone stupid all of a sudden?

***

How is Yuanruo the one speaking common sense all of a sudden?

Gu Tingye, what the fuck is wrong with you?

[medusapelagia]

The restless sea calls back to you - Harringrove Mermaid AU [NSFW]

I'm super in love with this fic and I want to clarify that it's super self-indulgent! I love it because it all started with this beautiful picture, and I love it because that's how I became friend with @lemonhitsu and I had a great time plotting with them and I am very grateful to them for allowing me to use their art as inspiration and for trusting me even if the first story I was writing was not good enough and I had to start back from scratches.😅 I want to thank Lemon for the fun and the incredible support! Nothing of this could have been possible without you! Thank you so much for being so kind and supportive and holding my hand when I was feeling low! 💜 And a special thanks to @applewillowstone and @spaceofentropy for helping me doing some research about monster sex!

That said, I wish everyone a happy holiday season and I am sharing with you this fic which is the present I made for myself and I hope you will like it! Please mind the tags!

Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Merpeople, Merperson Billy Hargrove, mermaid trainer Neil Hargrove, Aquariums, Violence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Sex Change, mermaid trainer Steve Harrington, Murder, Murder Mystery, mention of past Non con with original character, Anal Sex, Human/Monster Romance, Eventual Smut, Blow Jobs, Blood and Injury, Sex, Slow Burn, They/them prononun, Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Angst, Angst and Feels, Enemies to Lovers, Monster sex, Switch Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington Has Bad Parents, POV Steve Harrington, No Beta Read

And because AO3 is not working... get ready for 15k words under the cut!

Steve sighs as soon as his alarm goes off.

He has been working at the Birch Aquarium for a couple of weeks and all his enthusiasm has already died.

He was so happy when they called him back to take the place of the actual mermaid trainer, but two weeks of working with Billy were enough to make him regret his choice.

The blond merman is the biggest pain in the ass ever. He never does what the trainer requests of him and is always glaring and hissing at Steve like a feral cat. The boy has learned on his skin that there is a reason why everyone tells you to not go near an angry mermaid without wearing protection.

Mermaids are rare but not uncommon, the biggest aquariums in the world have at least one, and Steve’s aquarium was so lucky to have a baby mermaid that now became a beautiful merboy.

Steve remembers the day he decided he was going to become a trainer. It was the day his parents brought him to see the baby mermaid that was the main attraction of the aquarium. If he closes his eyes he can still see the little mermaid hiding behind some big black rocks, his little red tail barely visible between the rocks.

A kid punched the glass, trying to get the attention of the little mermaid and Steve saw for a moment a pair of ocean blue eyes big and terrified, and from that day on, every time his parents left him with a new babysitter he asked to go to the aquarium until finally, one day, when Steve and the babysitter were the only visitors of the aquarium, he caught a glimpse of the little merboy. They stared at each other through the glass for a long moment and then a man called a name and dragged the merboy away with a big fishnet. Steve turned toward his babysitter, Angela, and asked her who that man was and she told him that he was the mermaid's trainer.

“So he plays with mermaids all day?”

“It’s a job, Steve, I don’t think that he plays a lot, but yes, he spends his time with the mermaids.”

Now that he is changing in the locker room, Steve is regretting for the umpteenth time having been so adamant about wanting to become a trainer. He sighs. He can’t quit. His father told him really clearly that if he is not able to keep the job he will cut him out once and for all.

Fuck.

He wears the diving suit and gets into the swimming pool where Neil is already waiting for him.

“Go catch him.” He tells him, throwing him a spiked collar. Steve looks at the object with disgust.

“Still too naive, new boy? That monster could kill you in more ways than you think and he is not cooperative, you should know that by now.”

Steve nods, he has a red cut on his forearm that the merboy gave him on his first day, so now he wears the protection every time he has to get to Billy’s tank.

The merboy is brushing his blond curls with his long fingers while resting on a rock, half of his big red tail still in the water.

“Still here, pretty boy? Didn’t I scare you enough?”

“It’s just a scratch.”

Billy smirks “No, it is not, but I appreciate that you came here to bring me lunch. Be so kind and bring it to me.”

Steve knows better than to lean toward the water so close to the merboy so he throws him a couple of fish.

“So stupid. How do you think you can convince me to put on your collar if you already gave me the food?” Billy asks, reaching for the fish that is floating on the surface and tearing a big chunk.

“Asking you kindly?”

Billy bursts out in a laugh “You are funny, I’ll give you that.” The merboy replies, resting on a big rock “Not smart, but funny.”

“Come on, the pool is bigger than your tank and you need to swim more freely or your tail could atrophy.”

“Oh, so that’s it. You are worried for me. No other motives, right?”

Steve sighs “You know that the aquarium is not doing too well, they want to use you as an attraction to sell more tickets, is that a bad thing? I mean, they are still the ones that pay for your food, and your tank, and that make sure that you are healthy and…”

“How kind of them, isn't it? The owners of the aquarium care about my wellbeing so I should repay them by doing some stupid tricks in front of an audience? No, thanks.” The blond merboy replies disgusted.

“A lot of mermaids do stupid tricks in aquariums and they have fun! Maybe you will have fun too?”

“Have you ever been in a tank, Harrington?” The merboy asks, glaring at him.

The boy sighs “You know I have.”

“I’m not talking about giving a walk in the tanks to clean something or sedate some big fish, I’m talking about living in captivity. What do you call it… Oh yes! Living in prison! And be grateful to your captors because they feed you and make sure you are healthy.” Billy glares at him and Steve blushes.

“I know that is not the most perfect place to be but it’s not too bad, you should admit it.”

Some smugglers kidnap mermaids to sell them as expensive pets to rich assholes and only god knows what they do with those poor creatures.

“Have you ever spent a day with Neil? He is no fun either.” The sea creature retorts.

Steve shouldn’t talk badly about his supervisor, but everyone knows that Hargrove has a very impetuous nature and sometimes he gets violent even toward the animals, but especially toward Billy.

“You should try to do what he asks from you for once, maybe he will stop hurting you.” Steve tries to suggest.

Hargrove is no fool, he hits the merboy when no one can see him and he makes sure not to leave any bruises behind.

“Thank you for your kind advice, Harrington, I’m sure everything will be so much better now that you told me exactly how to act when I have to deal with a fucking psychopath!”

“He is not…” but Steve doesn’t have time to finish the sentence that Hargrove is back in the tank.

“What the hell are you doing? It’s not tea time! Get the stupid collar around his neck and come back to the pool. Where is the fish?”

Billy grins, licking his lips “It was delicious, Neil. Thanks.”

“You gave him the fish? Are you fucking stupid, Harrington?! How the fuck do you think to get him off that stupid rock?” The man asks, pinching his nose.

“With some persuasion?”

“This!” Hargrove yells, showing the collar “This is the kind of persuasion that Billy understands and now it’s too far from the shore so you get into the tank and drag him to the pool or I’ll make sure you get fired!” And to clarify the concept he grabs Steve and pushes him into the water without the scuba cylinders or the regulators.

Steve was co-captain of the swimming team but he knows too well that Billy could drag him down and drown him if he wanted to, that’s why every time he gets into the water he makes sure to have the scuba cylinders with him, but now it’s too late, he has his back turned and he knows that the merboy is going to attack him. He tries to regulate his breath and to feel the water break as the merboy reemerges.

As he was expecting the merboy tries to drag him down, but Steve has the lucidity to close the collar against Billy’s throat and yank it hard against the gills the merboy has hidden on his neck.

The sea creature shrieks and releases his grip, freeing Steve who resurfaces and gets back on shore coughing.

“Good job, Harrington. Next time try not to lose all this time.” Hargrove states “I’ll wait for you in the swimming pool.”

Steve takes some deep breaths while the merboy resurfaces glaring at him.

“Come on, Billy. Don’t make me activate it, I know that is already bad as it is.” Steve begs him, showing him the passage from the tank toward the swimming pool, and Billy gets in the pool, always hissing toward him.

Steve takes a look at his clock. Half past nine and he already barely escaped death. Not bad. It could be his new record.

***

When the training ends Steve brings Billy back to his tank. The merboy is tired and he has red bruises where Neil hurt him.

“You ok?” It’s a stupid question, Steve knows that, but he can’t avoid it.

“Are you worried about me, Harrington? How sweet.” The merboy replies, licking his sharp teeth “Maybe next time you’ll get into my tank I’ll keep you.”

“Fuck you, Billy!”

“Are you proposing, pretty boy?”

It’s just their usual bickering but Steve can feel that his cheeks are blushing.

“Oh, so you do have a crush on me. That makes so much sense: that’s why you are obsessed with me. Don’t worry, pretty boy, I’m not going to fuck you… at least not as you are thinking, but I’ll keep fucking with you because it’s the funniest thing that I can do in this stupid place.” Billy replies and then he gets underwater, while Steve stares at his big red tale covered in shimmering scales.

“He has an attitude, I’ll give him that.” Hargrove says appearing from nowhere “But stay away from him. He is still a mermaid and even if he hasn’t had the time to learn the songs from other mermaids he is still capable of convincing you to kill yourself in his tank. It would not be the first time.”

Steve stares at the old man “Did he… Did he kill someone? For real?”

The man nods, walking Steve toward the lockers “You are too young to remember, but there was another girl who trained with me years ago, pretty thing, red hair, sweet smile, the name was Susan. She was even more innocent than you are, she treated him like a kid, not like the monster he is, and one day when I got to the tank to feed him, he was underwater, holding Susan’s body into his arms.

Billy attacked me when I tried to take the dead body from his arms, and the authorities had him sedated and they were ready to put him down, but there was a petition against it and he was still the biggest attraction of the aquarium, so, in the end, they decided to keep him but they moved him to the tank where he is now, in a more secluded area and where no one else could get in a part from me and you, so pay attention if you don’t get killed during your first month of training.”

They are changing together for the first time and Steve sees many claws scars on Neil’s body “Did he…”

“Mermaids are like that. You have to pay attention every single second.” The man gets up “Listen, boy, I know that you don't like my way of training him, but you have to understand that he is not a pretty pet, he is a ferocious monster and our luck is that he was taken from his family too young so he doesn’t really know what he can do and how easy would be for him kill everyone.” Hargrove closes his bag “I don’t pretend that you agree with my method, but I want you to be conscious that he is a menace and you are the only person that stays between him and the visitors. Think about yourself like a sort of paladin. That’s what I do.” They are looking each other in the eyes when Neil asks him “Wouldn’t you do what you can to protect the people you care for?” And then he leaves Steve alone with even more questions.

***

The conversation he had with Neil opened his eyes: the old man is right, the mermaids are dangerous and he was a fool thinking that with some kindness and some fish he could have convinced Billy to do what he wanted.

“Raise and shine, Billy. Are you ready to jump throught some hoops today?” Steve enters the tank but Billy is not on his favorite rock. He looks around and he can’t see him. The merboy is too big to hide in the tank, but from the surface, Steve can’t see where he is hiding, so he takes his equipment and, with a sigh, he gets into the water.

The water is full of colorful fish that quickly swim away as soon as the boy gets closer, he swims toward the rocks when something shining attracts his attention, mermaids are famous for having a passion for shiny things. Steve gets closer to the big rock, the same where the little mermaid used to hide, and reaches out for the shiny thing when he sees it, the big red tail.

In a moment Billy is in front of him, yelling with a voice that has no words but that gets directly into Steve’s mind even if they are in the water.

Steve shakes his head, ripping off his mask and his scuba regulator, trying to free himself from Billy’s tight grip screaming in his head, then he opens his mouth to breathe. Underwater.

***

“Boy? Are you with me? Harrington?”

Steve coughs, holding for dear life to the person who is speaking to him.

“Harrington? Steve?” The voice calls him again, urging an answer.

Steve pukes some water “Fine. I’m fine.”

The man’s grip relaxes while Steve tries to take some deep breaths.

“What happened?”

“You told me! I saw in the security monitor that you got in the tank, next thing I know that monster was holding you underwater and you were drowning.”

“Billy… where is Billy?”

“Oh, he is lucky if they don’t decide to sell him even sooner.” Hargrove hisses.

“Se… Sell him?” Steve asks, still coughing.

“You must have seen that he is no good with little tricks and his care it’s expensive, the owners of the aquari will sell him sooner than later, but after he tried to kill another trainer I don’t think any other aquarium will be willing to buy him.”

“He didn’t try to drown me.” Steve tries to protest and Hargrove looks at him with pity.

“He messed with your head. Didn’t he?” The man looks at the pool “I knew it! They should have cut his vocal cords when I suggested it but no, animal rights activists said that it was too cruel. Cruel. Wasn’t it cruel to let him drown Susan? Or you?”

Steve shakes his head, trying to concentrate even if he is too confused at the moment. Did Billy try to kill him? He can’t remember what happened, just that he saw something shining on the floor of the tank, something that didn’t belong to the aquarium.

“Come with me, I’ll drive you to the hospital.” Neil says, helping the boy stand up.

“I’m ok… I don’t need to go to the hospital.”

The old man stares at Steve, then he helps him back to the lockers “Take a hot shower and change back, you and I are going to have a little chat.”

Steve nods, confused, it’s the first time that he sees Neil worried. Did Billy really try to kill him?

Steve knows that some mermaids have the ability to use their voice to manipulate fish, it’s how they hunt: some of them sing to the fish and the others capture them, but he never knew that they could do something to humans’ minds. And how does Neil know it? He has indeed been a trainer for years but if the mermaids were able to manipulate people someone would have said something, right?

The hot water helps him relax and when he gets back to Neil, all this terrible adventure seems just a bad dream.

"Sit down." Neil says, holding a cup of tea, and Steve sits in front of him.

"A few years ago there was a lovely girl who wanted to be a mermaid trainer like me. Her name was Susan. Susan was a dreamer, just like you, she didn't like to use the collar, just like you, and she was convinced that mermaids needed better care than the one we were providing.

Billy was just a baby fish at the time and I guessed she thought about him like a baby, but not like a baby monster. You see, all mermaids are dangerous, but some of them are more dangerous than others."

"What does it mean?"

Neil sighs, sipping some coffee "It means that some of them can emit some frequency that can drive you crazy, convincing you to do things you would never do in your right mind. And our boy, well he is one of those."

"How do you know it?"

Neil raises his elbow and replies "I always suspected it. Billy used to play with the fish and the water horses in his tank but he was clever, he only did it by night. Fish don't really sleep, you know? And so do mermaids. But one night I caught him playing with the fish. They were making shapes for him, not the classic shape of a school of fish, the kind he was asking them to do, and I swear to god that I heard him giggle."

Steve closes his eyes, concentrating on the hot cup between his hands. He knows exactly what Neil is talking about. He saw those shapes. Or even worse, he showed those shapes to Billy on one of those days when he and his babysitter were the only people in the aquarium and the girl was too busy chatting on his phone. And Billy made a square of fish for him.

How could he forget that?

"Well, making shapes with fish doesn't sound so dangerous."

"Yeah. Until he doesn't decide that he is tired of making squares and circles and he decides to attack you with some sharks." Neil lifts his eyes to meet Steve's "That's what happened to Susan. He convinced her to get into the tank and the shark attacked her. When we were able to recover the body the merboy was holding it so tight that there were little red punctures made from his claws in her skin."

Steve gulps, trying to keep his heart beating under control "What happened?"

"The coroner said that she fell into the tank and drowned before the sharks attacked her, but I think that he ordered her to jump into the tank and then he kept her there until she was out of breath, then he tried to cover his tracks by ordering the sharks to eat her."

"What about the security cameras?"

Neil smirks "There was a big storm that night. The security cameras were off." Neil gets up "Finish your tea and go home."

"But we still have training..."

"After what I saw I don't think they are going to keep him for long. If you really want to be a mermaid trainer, is it better if you apply to another aquarium." the man replies, leaving Steve alone in the relax area with the quiet hum of the refrigerator in the background.

***

Having the day suddenly free, Steve goes to the local library to do some research. He could go back home but he doesn't want to see her mother's disappointed look when she will ask him why he is at home so soon.

He was her perfect little boy until he started to attend high school and started to party every weekend.

It is not his fault if his parents were always away on some business trip and he hated being home alone! That's how he started drinking and smoking and his grades got worse and worse.

His mother decided to come back after the night he almost fall into an alcohol-induced coma and ended up on the first page of the local newspaper, fucking up his image as the perfect golden boy and definitely fucking up the future his parents were dreaming for him.

Steve hasn't drunk a single drop of alcohol since then, but that doesn't mean that his mother stopped to smell his breath every single time he doesn't respect the schedule so, no thanks, public library it is.

He gets to one of the old computers that has nothing to do with his Mac, he even searches for some link from his smartphone and then he copies the link on the computer to read it more easily.

The first information he looks for is about Neil Hargrove.

His Facebook page has very little information about him, on his profile picture Neil is holding a rifle, he is fifty-nine, if the birth date is correct, and ex-marine with a penchant for weapons.

The profile picture is an old one, as Steve sees as he enlarges the images, he is smiling, standing next to a bullseye, with a cigarette on the side of his mouth while holding a big rifle.

Steve searches for more information and finds a little blurb about his departed wife and how he left the marine and became a mermaid trainer to stay close to her when she got sick.

Perfect husband and perfect citizen, or so it seems. He even rescued his old neighbor from the fire.

A hero, practically.

Then Steve starts to look for Susan.

Even if he doesn't know her surname it's easy to find her given the information he has: Susan Mayfair, twenty-five, a degree in marine biology and a passion for mermaids, deceased after being attacked by sharks while cleaning their tank.

Not exactly what Neil said.

Steve looks for more information and finds an old Instagram page still open. All the pictures are old, and the latest are some selfies she took at the aquarium. There are some old penguin tanks that after the renovations have been moved to another section of the aquarium, and there are a lot of Billy's pictures.

He looks like a human kid, he couldn't be older than ten, maximum twelve, they are playing in the water, Susan is winking behind her mask and Billy's red tail emerges from the water.

In another Susan's hand is holding what looks like an aluminum can tab, the caption says "My prince gave me an engagement ring".

Steve snorts, who the hell would give an aluminum can tab to a twenty-five-year-old girl as an engagement ring? He keeps looking at the pictures and the answer gets too easy: a kid would. Or, to be more precise, a merkid.

Steve keeps looking at the pictures, trying to find any evidence, any sign that Billy is the monster Neil talked about, but all he can see is a happy little fish, playing with the person who took care of him.

He is still looking through the picture when something gets his attention. Something shining in the background, something that he had seen before but didn't understand what it was.

A dog tag.

A military dog tag.

***

This is the worst idea Steve has ever had, even worse than the time he and Tommy decided to jump from Steve’s window into the pool and almost kill themselves in the making.

Steve has a badge that allows him entrance to the aquarium at any time and he knows the night guard, all he has to do is tell Jim that he forgot something in the lockers, and he will not ask any questions, maybe he will mumble something about how he should pay more attention, but he will not stop him, not until it will be too late.

Steve passes his badge and the backdoor of the aquarium opens with a slam that in the silence of the night reverberates like a gunshot.

“Who's there?” The chubby guard asks, walking toward the door with the hand ready over his gun and a frosted donut in the other hand.

“Jim. Hi. I’m Steve. Sorry to bother but I forgot my… my wallet in the locker.” He says, trying to remain calm under the sight of the armed guard.

“Your wallet uh?”

“Yeah. You know… I’m so messy sometimes.”

The man gets closer “So you forgot your wallet. Here.”

Steve shivers for a moment when he repeats “Yeah. My wallet.”

The man is so close that he can smell coffee in his breath.

“I see. Do you want me to get it for you?”

Shit! He didn’t think about that! What now?

“No. It’s fine, I can get it.”

“Are you sure? I know you had a hard day.”

“A hard day?” Steve asks, confused.

“Neil told me about the mermaid. It’s a little piece of shit that one: he keeps turning the camera in his tank so I can’t see shit! But if he thinks I’m going to get inside and let him fucking kill me he is fucking wrong! I’m not going to get close to that monster!”

“He is… he is not a monster.” Steve tries to protest but his voice sounds unsure even to his own ears.

“Are you sure you are ok? It’s not the… mermaid thing? Neil said that they can convince you to do what they want… Oh god. Are you under a spell?”

Steve quickly shakes his head “No, no spell, just a little bit shocked to be honest, but I need my home keys.”

Jim glares at him “I thought you were looking for your wallet.”

Shit!

“Yeah! I’m looking for my wallet because I have the electronic key that opens my house in my wallet, but I call it my home key, you know?”

The man raises an eyebrow “Fancy rich shit, uh?”

“Obviously.” Steve replies with a smile so fake that his cheeks hurt.

The man stares at him for a moment and then he tilts his head “Go, but be quick. I don’t want any problems.”

Steve nods and rushes toward the locker room, he knows that there are no cameras either in the locker room or in the passages behind the tank with access limited to the dedicated staff, when they have to move from one tank to the other, and if Billy’s camera is not working he has at least twenty minutes: not enough time to change and to take all his equipment but Steve was always the best one at free diving. He wears the wet suit and runs toward Billy’s tank, hoping that the mermaid is asleep somewhere.

Mermaids never really sleep, not like humans in any case, they just rest, so Steve really hopes that he is lucky enough that Billy is resting and not ready to attack him.

When he gets into the tank he looks toward the rocks where the merboy usually rests but doesn’t see him anywhere. He takes a few deep breaths, trying to expand his lungs to their maximum; he hasn’t weight around his waist but it’s not too deep, he should be able to get to the floor easily enough, and if he is lucky he will manage to get behind the little rock without disturbing Billy.

Steve dives in, his sight concentrated on the tank floor and on the little rock he saw that morning. He knows that Billy is there somewhere and that he probably felt the water vibration when he dived in but he really hopes that he will be quicker than him.

All Steve’s hope crashes when he sees the merboy swimming rapidly toward him screaming something in the water but Steve has come too far to stop now, he reaches out his hand and catches the shiny thing, military dog tag, and turns it to see the name of the owner, but Billy is screaming pushing Steve against the glass wall.

Steve screams something back, the stupidest idea ever, he realizes when he sees the bubble of air running toward the surface, fuck. He will drown. He has no time to get to the surface. He tries to swim toward the surface, his hands reaching up, but Billy is holding him and he can’t reach it. The boy lowers his eyes and Billy is in front of him, his blond curls waving in the water, so beautiful and so deadly.

But especially beautiful.

Steve is going to die so he finally does it: he slips his fingers in Billy’s golden locks, and now that they are so close he can see that Billy’s eyes aren’t blue. They have golden flakes near the pupil that he has never noticed before.

Billy’s eyes are the last thing that he will ever see and they are so fucking beautiful.

He is still lost in these thoughts when Billy pushes him against the glass wall so hard that he whimpers and in a moment Billy’s mouth is on his, kissing him. No. Not kissing him. Breathing into him!

Steve’s eyes widen, the mermaid is pushing air into his lungs, and then he takes him under his arm and drags him toward the surface.

“What the fuck Harrington! If you want to die go jump from a fucking bridge, don’t come to my tank!” The merboy complains, irritated.

Steve stares at him, touching his lips incredulously.

“You kissed me.”

“It’s not a kiss if you are almost dying. And I’m tired of saving your stupid life.” Billy replies looking at him with flaming eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“This morning? When you removed your regulator? Does it ring a bell?”

“I… I didn’t…”

“Oh, you fucking did. And you breathe water in, stupid moron, I had to push on your stupid chest and breathe air in your lungs. And you are back here, trying to kill yourself!” The merboy rebukes “Don’t you have a life? A girlfriend waiting for you somewhere?”

Steve shakes his head, then he asks “You gave me CPR? How do you…”

“Someone taught me.” The sea creature replies “She thought that I could have helped people one day. Be a lifeguard or something like that.”

“Susan?”

Billy turns his head for a moment, biting his lips as he was fighting with himself, before he hisses “Can you tell me what the fuck do you want from me? Do you want to prove that I am a monster? Is that it? I could have killed you!”

“I know.”

“So why the fuck are you here! And with no oxygen!”

“I didn’t have the time and I wanted to check on something.” Steve tries to explain.

“What?”

Steve opens his fist and shows him the metal tag in his hands.

“That’s mine! Give it back!”

“Can I read the name of the person who owned it?”

“What?”

“It’s a military dog tag.” Steve tells him “It’s a kind of microchip, like the one the dolphins have. They gave this to the people that were fighting in case… in case they die, so that someone could have brought it back to the family.”

“A name? This thing has a name on it?”

Steve nods and the mermaid uses his webbed hands to turn it but then looks at Steve ashamed “I can’t… I can’t read.”

Stupid Steve, Billy has spent all his life in a tank. How do you pretend he could read?!

“I could read it for you.”

“My mum gave it to me when I was a baby fish.” The blond merboy tells him, holding the tag so tight that his knuckles whiten “She said… she said it was my father’s…”

Steve stares at the merboy astonished “You mean… you mean that your father was human?”

Billy nods “That’s what mum said.”

“Where is she? Where is your mother?” Steve asks, getting closer.

“I don’t know. I was just a baby fish when they brought me away from her. That’s all I have.”

“You can hold it, I just need to turn it and read the name under the tag. Will you let me?”

Billy shivers, Steve has never seen him so nervous, he is usually sassy and sarcastic.

Steve gently pries Billy’s hand open and then turns the tag, gasping at the name.

***

The chestnut boy definitely doesn’t have the time to take a shower, so he changes back and runs toward the exit, hoping that Jim will be too busy looking at the last episode of his favorite series to check on him.

“Thanks, Jim! You saved me! Have a good night!” Steve says, while he keeps running toward the door.

“Hey, Steve, everything ok?” The guard asks him but Steve is almost at the door.

“Great! Have a nice night!” He tells him before closing the door behind him and taking a big breath of relief.

He can’t believe what happened: he got into the tank, Billy saved his life, apparently for the second time, and… they kissed. No, not kissed, he was just breathing air into his lungs, Steve repeats to himself trying to slow down his beating heart.

And that’s not even the most crazy thing.

The craziest thing is that Billy is half-human, like literary half-human, like… he has a human father. A father whose name is written on a metal tag that the merboy hid for years. A name that makes absolutely no sense, because if there is someone who seems to hate mermaids it is that man.

Steve gets home and gets in the shower, feeling the wet sensation of Billy’s plump lips on his. He shakes his head like a dog and a million tiny drops fly everywhere.

It wasn’t a kiss! It was a life-saving maneuver. And that’s not even the point! The point it’s that the name on that stupid tag is the one he suspected, but now that he knows that it’s Billy’s father's name he can’t believe that he was right.

He gets out of the shower and, still dripping water, gets to his computer, searching for every article about the aquarium, Billy, Susan, Neil, Jim, every person that he knows has worked at the aquarium, and he finally finds a very tiny article about Billy’s birth.

“Blue Ribbon at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Nerea, a young little mermaid with beautiful blond hair, has given birth to a very healthy baby merboy. His name, William, was chosen by the visitors of the aquarium, but the staff of the aquarium affectionately calls him Billy.”

Nerea, the young blond mermaid, is looking with terror at the man who is holding her child in the picture.

And that man, it’s Neil Hargrove.

Steve searches for other information about Neil and quickly finds out that his wife's death and Billy’s birth are suspiciously close to one another and that the men left the aquarium when the veterinarians decided that the merboy was old enough to be sold to another aquarium.

Nerea, the young mermaid, died of sorrow a few weeks later.

Steve keeps searching on every website but there is no info about Billy or Neil after that, only a few news about Susan and her premature death, which was labeled as an incident.

Steve goes back to Susan’s Instagram page, searching for every image with the dog tag; there are just a few, in one of them the caption says “My little prince brought me to see his sacred treasure.”

Could Susan have known about Neil?

But how could she? No one knew that Billy was the son of a human and a mermaid.

Unless.

Unless Billy told her like he told Steve.

Holy fucking shit!

Steve looks at the clock, it is far too early and he knows he will not sleep, but he tries his best to rest a little, tomorrow will be a very interesting day.

***

When he enters the locker room Neil is already dressed in a wetsuit “Are you ready to go? Yesterday was a difficult day, I get it if you don’t want to train with him, especially now that you know that he is going to be sold.”

“And why is that? He seems like a unique specimen.” Steve says, feeling disgust for himself but trying to hide it.

“Because he is a monster, maybe?” The man replies sarcastically “Or because he is too stupid and stubborn to be trained? He is good looking but he definitely has no brain.”

Steve nods, wearing his wetsuit.

“You know, I read some articles about Billy last night. He was born at the Monterey Bay Aquarium, did you know that?” 

“Yes.” Hargrove replies.

“His mother died of sorrow when they took away her kid.”

“She probably got some infections during childbirth, they are like animals, Steve, they have no feelings.” Neil insists and Steve does his best to hide his repugnance.

“You worked there too, didn’t you?” The boy tries to make it sound like a casual question but, from the way Neil stiffens, Steve knows that he got the point just right.

“Are you implying something, kid?”

“No. Why should I? I just wanted to ask you how she was. If you were able to train her, maybe you can train Billy too.”

“Billy can’t be trained, I already told you. I tried everything. I tried to be kind, I tried to give him prizes, I tried to hurt him, he is indomitable.” The man growls.

Steve nods but he doesn’t think that it’s a bad thing because that’s exactly what Billy is: he is the biggest and scariest wave of the ocean, the one that can destroy an entire town, but that gives you so much adrenaline if you ride her.

Indomitable.

Sounds like a nice nickname, doesn’t it?

“That’s a pity. As we said, he is a beautiful specimen.”

Neil nods “There are places for creatures like him. Maybe they’ll find a way of making him more cooperative.”

Did Neil say the same to Susan?

Did they fight over Billy’s future?

Steve has no proof but he feels that Neil knows more about Susan's death than he is willing to tell him.

“Come on. No fish this time when you collar him. Show him who is the master.”

“Don't you think he will try to use his scary voice powers?”

“Only if you let him. That’s why we have the spiked collar. If he tries something you can activate it.”

“And what did Susan think about it?”

Neil glares at him “Why?”

“I don’t know. She seemed like a nice girl.”

“You have done an awful amount of research, Steve, I’m impressed. Are you studying for something in particular?” The man asks, glaring at him.

Steve keeps smiling innocently “I would like to find a new way to make the mermaids cooperate without hurting them.”

“That’s a nice idea but it’s not possible. How many times do I have to tell you that they are not like us? They are monsters. Free him somewhere and he will feed himself with human meat.”

Steve follows Neil toward the training pool, then he gets back in the tank where Billy is resting.

“No fish today, pretty boy? Are you offering yourself to be my lunch?”

“Nah, just wondering if you were in the mood for a little swim in the big pool.”

“I hate that fucking pool. And I hate that fucking man.” Billy’s eyes shine gold for a moment.

“Billy…��

“What?”

“Don’t do it.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“He has the collar. He will mute you and he will hit you.”

“Not if I hurt him first.”

“And then what? If you kill your trainer someone will put you down because you are too dangerous, do you understand that?!” Steve hisses, trying to resonate with the sea creature.

“Why the fuck do you care?” Billy growls.

Because I like you. Because I liked you since the first time I saw your little red tail waving in the water and your blue eyes pinned on me.

“Because you are a living creature and…”

“Go fuck your self Harrington!” Billy yells and then goes underwater.

Steve sighs, he shouldn’t have told Billy which name was written under the metal plate.

“Harrington! Where the fuck is my merboy?”

“He is tired. Can we try again tomorrow?”

“You are too soft, Harrington, you will never get him to do what you want!” The man yells and then he gets back to the tank where Billy is hiding “Get out of there! Stupid fish!” He yells again toward the water.

Steve understands what’s going to happen just a moment before it does.

Billy gets out of the water so fast that all that Steve sees is a blur of the red silhouette dragging the old trainer down with him.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Billy! Don’t!” He screams, before diving in the water too.

Neil is trying to escape from Billy’s tight grip but Steve knows how strong the marine creature is, there is no chance that he will free himself without the spiked collar.

Steve swims closer to them trying to free the man but Billy’s screams in his mind.

Back off.

And Steve does, unable to resist the command in that voice.

He sees Neil stopping to struggle and finally stiffens, while Billy releases his hold on the man and gets closer to the boy.

Did you like kissing me so much?

The voice sings and then Billy’s lips are on Steve’s, breathing into him and dragging him toward the surface.

It takes a moment for Steve to come back to himself this time.

“How… how did you do it?”

“I sang.” He simply states, keeping Steve lying on his body while he lazily swims in his tank.

“Neil. You killed him.”

“I did.”

“They are going to put you down. You know that, right?”

Billy nods “I know, but when you told me the name I couldn’t… I couldn't resist anymore.”

“Resist?”

Billy nods “My mum. She said she didn’t want it, but he kept abusing her during her training, tiring her out so much that she wasn’t able to fight back. She always wore the collar, speaking was hard for her, but she told me what I needed to know, that I didn’t have to trust humans, and that I should take revenge for her. And I did.”

“I don’t want you to die.” Steve whispers.

“I know.”

“How do you know?”

“You are the only kid that came every fucking day for weeks. You are the one who showed me shapes. You are the one that promised me freedom. You are the one that lied to me.” Billy glares at him.

“I didn’t lie. I was just six. How could I have freed you?”

“I guess, maybe you didn’t lie. Maybe you finally freed me. Today.”

No, no, no, that’s not how he wanted things to go.

“I don’t want you to die.” Steve repeats feeling tears in his eyes.

“I don’t think there are other options, pretty boy.”

Steve is still lying on Billy’s stomach when he sees it, the sewage canal. Not the cleanest way to escape but…

He points at the grate “I guess you are strong enough to pull it.”

Billy sighs “I’m strong enough, but I have webbed hands, did you forget that?”

“Use me. I mean, use my hands, I’ll grab it and you will pull.”

“I will hurt you.”

“I will not let you die, Billy, so help me or I’ll do it myself.”

They swim toward the sewage canal and Steve grabs the grate with all his strength before Billy grabs his arms and pulls so hard that the grate cedes.

They hear the sounds of steps.

“You can still say that I made you do it. That it was my plan all along and you did what you had to to survive.”

Steve shakes his head, here, in a big aquarium tank with a dead body floating just a few feet away, Steve feels finally useful.

“I will not leave you alone.”

In his mind he is still six years old, asking his babysitter if Billy will feel alone at night.

“No, honey, he will not, can’t you see how many fish are there with him?”

Only maybe he did. Maybe he was just a mermaid child, missing his mum.

***

The loud splash brings Steve back to the present time, he has no fucking idea where the water will bring them, and the flow is strong, Steve is a good swimmer but all the adrenaline of the last few days is getting to him so he is starting to feel tired.

“Let the water carry you.” Billy suggests from behind him. Even in the dirty water, Billy is still the most beautiful creature Steve has ever seen.

His tale is huge in the tight canal, but he seems completely at ease even in this unfamiliar environment.

“Are you not scared?”

Billy smirks “Oh, Steve, I have been scared all my life. This? This is nothing.”

He gets closer to Steve and hugs him “Hold on me.”

Hold on me.

Like… you can count on me.

Like… I’m here for you.

And somehow, while they are swimming in the semi-darkness toward an unknown future, Steve feels that he is exactly where he was supposed to be.

He starts to giggle in the dark.

“Are you definitely going crazy, Steve?” Billy asks, but his words are not harsh, just curious.

“I was thinking about my parents, how proud of me they will be when they find out I helped you murder Neil and escape.” The boy chuckles.

“Are you regretting it?”

Steve’s chest gets tight.

Is he scared out of his mind? Yes.

Does he have any idea of what they are going to do now? No.

Is he regretting freeing the merboy? Absolutely not.

They stay in silence for a long time, then Billy sighs "I wasn't trying to kill you, but you were putting your dirty hands in my den.” he explains, without looking at Steve.

“Your den? I thought your den was in the farther part of the tank.” And then the boy suddenly remembers the little red tail hiding behind that same rock “Oh… that was your hiding place.” The place where he collected and hid his treasure.

Billy sighs “I can't believe that I had the answer under my nose for all this time and I didn’t know it! I knew that the stupid necklace had something to do with my father but I never thought that Neil… He was kind, you know? At least at the beginning. He brought me sweet things and some shiny ones. Mum always said to not trust the human but he was the only person I had any contact with so it was hard not to become attached to the only person I saw every day. I could speak with the fish in the tank, but they would not answer me. Neil did. Neil always had some adventure to talk about. How could I not notice that it was him? My mum was fucking terrified of him! And still, I didn’t understand.”

Steve turns Billy’s face until they are watching each other “Don't get angry at yourself. You could have no idea that he was… that he did… who could have ever imagined all of that?”

“Susan.” It’s Billy’s cold answer “Susan did. She told me that she had a plan and that all I had to do was wait for her. Why didn’t she tell me what she discovered?”

Did Neil kill Susan? That’s what Steve has been thinking about since he saw the pictures on Instagram.

He has no proof but if Susan saw the dog tag and Billy trusted her enough to tell her about his father, Susan must have understood that Neil was Billy’s father and everyone knew what kind of trainer he was.

Steve tries to imagine for a moment the red-haired girl confronting the old man, maybe even threatening him.

“But why did she do that? Why didn't she talk to me?”

“I can't pretend I know why she did, Billy, but I'll tell you why I would have done it: to protect you. I would have faced Neil and told him to quit. There aren't… there aren't laws against the abuses of mermaids so the only thing she could do was pressure him into quitting. She probably tried to blackmail him and he… he killed her.”

Billy remains silent, flapping his fins, keeping Steve close to his body.

“She was kind. I think I liked her.” He whispers “She always made sure that there were a couple of shrimp in my food because she noticed I liked them the most. After she died I have never eaten another shrimp.”

Steve holds him even tighter “I'm so sorry, Billy.”

“She was so young. Maybe a couple of years older than you. I thought she fell into the water, I tried to help her, I really did but… but…”

It was too late.

There are no words that can erase such pain, so they stay embraced like that, following the water.

“Listen. Seagulls.”

***

When they emerge from the sewage canal the sun is setting.

For a moment Steve wonders if they will find the police waiting for them, but everything happened so fast that he doubts that anyone had the time to study the watery system and understand exactly where they would have ended up.

When Billy sees the ocean his eyes get wide and the gold in his irises shines even brighter, his gills open, breathing in the salted air, and in a moment he disappears under the water.

For a few moments, Steve sees the red tail, now almost violet, and then nothing more.

He stays on the shore, wet and shivering for the cold, looking at the blue expense of the ocean in front of him, wondering what he should do now. He definitely can’t follow Billy underwater, no matter what, and he has no equipment to swim with him even just for a few minutes.

The boy stares at the ocean, waiting to see a red tail or something but when nothing appears he lets himself fall on his knees.

It’s ok, they didn’t promise each other anything at all, and now Billy is finally free,

The air is crisp on his skin, he is wet and tired and all he wants to do is rest, just for a moment.

***

Steve lies on the shore, looking at the stars and wondering what he is going to do now.

His old life is gone, he is a fugitive and his parents will never get him back after what he did. He vaguely wonders if the police will inquire, if they will look through his computer if they will come to the same conclusion he did. If they will understand that Neil killed Susan.

A gasping fish falls into his lap and when he lifts his eyes, Billy is staring at him, eating another one.

“You should eat.”

“I can’t eat raw fish.”

“Why?”

“It’s bad for my stomach.” Steve tries to explain “And I have no fucking idea on how to make a fire, but thanks.”

Billy raises an eyebrow but doesn’t comment when Steve puts the fish back in the water and the animal starts to swim faster than he could.

“What can you eat?"

"Raw? I really don't know, honestly, I never had the urgency of eating something raw directly from the ocean." Steve replies tilting his head.

Billy turns toward the ocean "Have you already been here?"

"In this place?"

"In the ocean." The merboy says, looking at the horizon "It's the first time for me." Billy whispers "My mum told me something about it but… it's so big. I could swim in every direction and tired myself before getting to the glass wall."

Steve chuckles "Billy. The ocean has no glass walls."

The merboy turns toward him, his eyes big with wonder "No?"

For the first time, Steve looks at him like he was a child, not the deadly creature everyone said he was.

"No. You can swim wherever you want, with no limits."

Billy stares at him, silently.

"Are you scared?" Steve asks, getting closer to the water.

"No." the merboy denies, and Steve sits on the shoreline.

"It's ok if you are. I will not judge you. I'm scared too, you know?"

"About what?"

"Everything? I mean, I think I technically lost my job, I'm pretty much a fugitive and I can't go back home. All I have right now are the clothes I'm wearing and they are soaked." He confesses with a wry smile.

"Why don't you strip?" Billy suggests.

Steve startles "What?!"

"Why don't you strip? Your clothes will get dry faster."

"I'm not going to stay naked in front of you!" 

"Why not? I'm always naked and it makes no difference to you."

Steve blushes "It's different!"

"How?"

Steve can't point out if Billy is being sassy or naive, so he turns his face to avoid Billy and he sees a Lifeguard Towers a few feet away with a white little boat resting at his feet, the word lifeguard written in big bold red letters, and goes toward it: if he is lucky enough he will find some spare clothes.

The boy is not worried about adding breaking and entering to all the crimes he probably committed in the last few hours, so he breaks the lock with a rock and gets into the lifeguard's tower. He finds an old backpack with a pair of bright pink swim trunks, and a long faded tank top, then he takes his wet clothes and throws them inside the little boat and he pushes the boat toward the sea.

"What's this?" Billy asks, swimming around the little boat.

"It's a boat. It's a floating thing that humans use to move in the water without swimming." He never understood how little was Billy's knowledge of the world until now and for a moment he regrets his actions, the merboy is used to living in captivity, how could he survive in the wild?

Steve starts to row but Billy complains loudly about it "Stop it!" He yells, barely avoiding one of the rows.

"If I don't row in some direction I'll go adrift!" Steve complains "I have no map and I'm no good at reading stars, if the water flow will drag me far from the shore I'll be lost." And probably die.

"I can push you."

"Sorry?"

"I can push this thing.” Billy repeats “I'll stay close to the shore, I promise."

"We need to find a cove or something like that, a place where we can both rest but where we can hide." Steve says, looking around.

"Like a den."

"Like a den." Steve agrees, getting the rows inside the boat.

Steve wonders if it is crazy to entrust his life to a killer merboy who could literally eat him, and the answer is probably yes, but he is too tired, and the gentle rocking of the waves is so soothing that he falls asleep.

***

An unusual weight on the chest is what wakes up Steve, who yells when he sees a big seagull resting on his chest.

"You ok?" A familiar voice asks.

Steve turns and sees the merboy resting on some rocks nearby while the boat is resting on the shoreline.

"Where are we?"

"In a den, like you said."

Steve looks around him, they are in a little cove, the water is bright green where the boat rests, but it gets darker and darker a few feet away.

"A sea cave." He whispers astonished.

"Do you like it?" The merboy asks him, jumping into the water and reemerging just in front of Steve "We could live here."

Steve's stomach grumbles.

"I can get you some fish." Billy proposes and Steve starts to look in the old backpack to see if there is something useful and finds a crumbled packet of crackers and half a bottle of water.

"Thank you but I'm good." The boy replies.

That is a limited-time solution, he will have to get back and Billy will swim away soon, but all he can do right now is let himself enjoy the moment.

His feet hit something, and when he looks down he sees many colorful little rocks, some of them are bottle glasses that the waves transformed in little gems, but there are also some shimmering shells.

"What are those?" Steve asks, confused.

"Presents. For your treasure."

"I don't have a treasure, Billy." Steve tries to explain to him.

"I know. But you need one. A big one. I know you are not strong enough but I'll help you guard it." The sea creature replies, smiling with his sharp teeth.

"Billy… I don't need it."

"You do. My mate needs to have the biggest treasure ever!" The merboy declares proudly.

"Your what? Billy, are you ok?"

Now that Steve notices it Billy's tail is even brighter and he is almost dancing around the boat, like the sea lions do before mating.

"Billy?" He calls again, but Billy's eyes are golden than ever, with no blu in his irises "Billy I don't know what you are thinking but you are not in your right mind, ok? I understand that everything that happened was overwhelming, but please, look at me. I'm Steve. I'm your trainer."

"We kissed."

"We… sort of kissed but it wasn't a real kiss, ok? You were giving me air to breathe, do you remember that?"

"I want to give you more air." Billy's voice is so musical, and even if he is not singing to Steve, he definitely could.

Steve shakes his head, he must remain lucid, they are still in danger… Billy's lips look so nice and all Steve wants to do is feel them on his own.

"Steve…" that’s music. Not the kind he experimented when Billy gave him the order to say back, but is still a song, a song about a kid who preferred to stay at the aquarium all day instead of going to play at the park, a song about a boy who was lost, a song about a mermaid child that was scared and alone, a song about a powerful creature willing to kneel for one person alone: Steve.

The boy is leaning toward the merboy, their faces so close that he can feel Billy's breath on his skin.

It's wrong and it's perfect.

The water opens for him when he falls from the boat, but his beautiful merboy is there to cushion the fall and to share air and spit with him; his webbed hands at the side of Steve's neck are drawing swirls that make Steve shiver and for the first time Steve's hand touch Billy's skin.

It's a strange feeling, Billy's skin is cold and a little bit slimy, but his lips are warm and welcoming.

Steve.

Steve.

Steve.

He knows that it's his name but somehow is not his anymore.

Billy reemerges, holding him tight.

"Steve." He calls again, and Steve's decision shatters under the merboy touch.

The sea creature swims toward the shore, letting the boy lie on the sand.

"I want you." The merboy whispers on his lips, licking the salt from Steve's skin and Steve can’t suffocate a moan when Billy’s lips stop just behind his right ear and start to kiss and bite playfully his ear.

“Sing for me…” Billy murmurs, grinding against him with his entire body and it feels like an electric shock.

Billy’s hands are cold and Steve’s skin is far too hot, he struggles with the tank top, and finally Billy tears it, freeing Steve from the offensive piece of tissue, while hovering over him.

The merboy could crush him, but he doesn’t, he is gentle and handles Steve with such care that he thinks that no one has ever treated him as such.

They kiss again, still hungry for each other's taste, Billy pushes Steve against the sand but Steve is not going to stay there and take what the merboy is going to give him, so he turns them, leaving the merboy lying on the sand and straddles him.

Billy’s eyes are wide, his entire body is driven by the oldest force in the universe: lust.

His scales open a little and Steve sees it: a huge red dick pouring a clear liquid.

“What…?”

“I wanna mate you.” Billy whispers, like a plea on Steve’s skin, and there is no doubt about what the merboy is more than willing to do.

“Billy…”

“I’ll be gentle.” He promises, but Steve knows that he can’t trust him, at this moment Billy is just an animal driven from the primal force of reproduction and Steve’s body is not made to take something so huge.

“I can’t. Billy, I can’t. It’s too big!” Steve protests.

“Gentle.” Billy repeats, while he darts his tail and makes Steve slip closer to his chest, his huge dick between them “Touch it.” He asks him and Steve moves his hands to touch it. It’s different from Steve’s dick, bigger but softer, wet and so flexible, and it seems to move almost like a hand.

“How…?”

“It will not hurt. I promise you. I would never hurt you, you know that.”

Does Steve know that?

“How… how do you want me?”

“Close.”

Steve moves Billy’s dick out of the way, the merboy's dick just behind his back.

“What now?”

“Relax.” Billy whispers while he takes Steve’s wrists and pushes him against his chest.

“No, no, I’m not ready!” Steve tries to protest, but Billy’s dick is grinding against him leaving a wet trail that tingles.

“You’ll be ready in no time. And my dick is softer than what you are used to.”

“How do you know?”

How do you know that I have been fucked?

“I scented him on you. Didn’t like it. You smell so much better now. Sea, salt, sex.”

Steve can’t deny that his dick is leaking on Billy’s chest.

“Will you stop if… if I ask you to?”

“You will not ask.” 

“But if I do?”

“I will.” the merboy promises, and then, with a sudden movement, he starts to push inside Steve’s rim.

The pressure is gentle but relentless, Steve feels so full as he has never been before, but Billy is right. It doesn’t hurt. Not at all.

“Oh god… I fill you in my throat…” he moans.

“Would you like that? Would you like to feel my dick into your throat?”

Steve can’t answer because Billy is dragging him down on his monstrous dick while kissing him, licking with his tick tongue every corner of Steve’s mouth, eating every moan, every sigh directly from the source.

Then he starts to move inside him.

“Harder! I want you harder!” Steve asks and he will cry if Billy denies him, but he doesn’t, the merboy is ready to satisfy him and he keeps moving inside him harder and harder, making Steve bounce on his slippery tail, his legs spread around his muscled boy.

“Will you show me the most beautiful of your expressions?” The sea creature asks him and Steve nods, he doesn't even know what Billy means but whatever he wants he will give it to him.

“Come. Come for me, my treasure.” He whispers in his singing tone of voice, and Steve clenches so hard around his huge dick that it almost hurts, but it’s just a moment, and then he is falling from the biggest height ever.

When he opens his eyes the mermaid is still deeply inside him, jolting just a little inside him.

“You ok?” Billy asks him, his eyes back to blue.

“What happened?”

“You came for me.” Billy explains to him easily and Steve nods.

“Yeah but… after?”

“You passed out.”

Steve has read in some porno magazine that it could happen, but he thought that it was just an exaggeration, instead, he came so hard on Billy’s dick that he blacked out.

“What about you?”

“I need more.” The merboy tells him.

“More like what?”

“Will you let me come inside you? Paint your inside with my cum? Make you drip?”

The answer is so obvious that Steve doesn’t waste time answering and just nods.

“Give me your hand.” Billy asks him, taking three of Steve’s fingers and sucking hard on them while he keeps thrusting harder and harder. Billy’s teeth are very sharp and he could easily chop off Steve’s fingers, but they are looking at each other, Steve’s body still covered in sweat, and when he feels Billy going rigid Steve pushes his fingers even deeper, not caring for his own safety, and it’s the right thing to do because Billy opens his mouth, moaning something that sounds like a song and comes into Steve. One time, two times, three times, he comes so much that Steve feels his stomach bulge and the merboy’s cum dripping from him.

“So beautiful.” He whispers, lying on Billy’s body and the merboy holds him even tighter.

“Rest.”

“You need to rest too.”

“Mermaids don’t rest.” that’s incorrect, but it’s true that they don’t sleep like humans so Steve doesn’t complain “I’ll protect you.” Billy assures him, and for a moment, before falling asleep, Steve thinks about how quickly their role reversed. He was the kid that promised to free him, he was the one that helped him escape, but now, in their den, it’s Billy who is taking care of him.

Their den.

It sounds nice.

Doesn’t it?

***

Steve hears them before he sees them: angry songs rise from the boiling water. Steve is still on the shore and Billy is in the water, moving back and forth protectively in front of him, hissing.

“Who are you?!” One of the mermaids asks him, and Steve notices that they are all old and female.

“Who are you?!” Billy growls, hissing again.

“If the guppy wants to play, let him play, Muriel.”

Steve can understand what they are saying even if they are not really using words but a strange kind of subtle melody, and the mermaid with the black hair that just spoke doesn’t seem too friendly.

“Go away from my den!” Billy hisses again.

“How sweet is that, the guppy is trying to defend his territory!” Another laughs, and Billy keeps hissing, trying to shield Steve from their view.

“Oh… I see… the mating season made him crazy. He thinks that the stupid human is his mate.”

“Go away!” Billy sings to them but the order has no effect.

“Your mum didn’t teach you how to sing, little guppy?” The one called Muriel asked again.

“Don’t talk about her!” Billy growls, but then he freezes, seeing a mermaid with blond hair getting closer “Mum?” He asks confused and astonished “Mum… I thought you were still at the aquarium!” Billy says with a wet voice.

“She is not your mum Billy!” Steve tries to tell him, running toward him.

“Maybe she escaped like I did!” He replies, still looking at the beautiful mermaid, but Steve gets into the water, trying to shake him.

“It’s not her, Billy. It’s not your mum. Nerea… she died. She died after they brought you away from her.” The last words are almost a whisper and for a moment everything stills, then, something drags Steve underwater and he feels a sharp pain at his waist. He looks down and a red-haired mermaid is biting him.

He screams, trying to free himself, but it is only Billy’s intervention that makes the other mermaid release her grip and then he drags Steve safely toward the shore.

“You ok?” He asks, looking at the red blood that is pouring from his pierced skin.

“I’m good… I’m good.”

“Did you know Nerea?” The blond mermaid asks, getting closer.

Billy grits his teeth, so Steve answers for him “She was his mum.”

“Nerea… Nerea was your mum?” She asks again, and now that she is so close she has something familiar, long blond hair, blue eyes…

“She was… she was my sister.” The mermaid says “Are you really her son? She was too young when they captured her! How… How did that happen?!”

“My mate is injured!” Billy growls “I don’t have time to chat!”

The blond mermaid turns toward the other mermaids “Go get some seaweed to cover the wound.”

“But Onda…”

“Do it!” She sings and the order is so fierce that Steve would have been ready to go too if Billy wasn’t holding him so tight.

“Can I look at your wound?” The blond mermaid asks and is not an order, Steve could refuse, but it hurts a lot, and if she can do something to help him with the pain he will gladly accept the help she could give.

“It’s not too deep and Shui didn’t use any venom. You’ll be fine in no time, little human.”

Steve is not used to feeling little, but between these two creatures, he really feels just a kid.

“Are you really my mum's sister?” Billy asks without looking at her and the mermaid nods.

“Can you tell me what you remember of her?” She asks, and Billy is ready to tell her but she shakes his head “Not like that. Sing it to me.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Close your eyes, concentrate on her image, and let the music flow.”

It’s a sweet and sad song and even if Steve can’t understand a single word, at the end of the song his eyes are full of tears.

The blond mermaid addresses his wound and looks around the sea cave.

“You find a nice spot Billy, but you can’t stay here forever. Would you like to come back home with us?”

Billy’s fins shivers and Steve knows that he has never had a home, but then he looks at him.

“You have to go, Billy. They are your people.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll be ok.”

Onda nods “I will personally erase his memory and make sure that he gets back to his home safely.”

“You want to take him away from me?!” Billy snarls and Onda seems to scent Steve.

“I see. You already mated him, didn’t you, little guppy?”

“I’m not a guppy! And he is my mate! I will not leave him!”

She laughs “And what are you going to do, uh? He has no tail that I can see, and no gills either.”

Steve smiles, playing with Billy’s hair “It’s ok. You have to go with them and I have to go home. It’s ok.” He tries to comfort him but Billy is crying into his arms.

”I don’t want to leave you. You are my mate.” The merboy whispers.

“I am not, baby. You just imprinted on me. It happens. And I think I did it too. But you’ll be ok. I’m sure that there are a lot of pretty merboys waiting for you.”

“Steve…”

“It’s ok. Do what you have to.” He tells the blond mermaid and the mermaid nods.

“Thank you for keeping my prince safe.” She whispers, but before Steve can ask any questions a sweet song is already making him sleepy.

***

When Steve opens his eyes he is at a hospital and a policeman is asking him questions about what happened at the aquarium, but Steve can’t remember anything at all. A month of his life has gone completely lost.

He doesn’t know who Neil Hargrove is and he has no idea how he died, in his mind he is still waiting to know something after the interview that he made for the position of mermaid trainer, but the aquarium hasn’t a mermaid anymore so it seems that he is out of a job.

Steve joins many TV shows where they interview him trying to make him talk about his experience. He attends every single one with his mother, always eager to parade him around and ready to play the part of the worried mother. They take the money but the interviews are all the same, an infinite series of “I don’t know.”

Did the merboy threaten you?

Did he try to kill you?

Did he bite you?

Steve doesn’t know.

Public opinion is divided into a group that thinks that mermaids should be protected and left free, while another part thinks that what happened is proof that they are far too dangerous and that they should be exterminated once and for all.

Both of them ask Steve if he wants to be their ambassador and it doesn't matter how much money they offer him, he always refuses.

Every morning he runs three miles and ends his run on the beach, looking longingly at the sea, feeling that he misses something that was really dear to him, but he keeps running and goes back home, takes a shower, and sees the red sign of the bite on his skin, tangible proof that mermaids are, indeed, dangerous.

A mermaid killed Neil Hargrove and maybe even Susan Mayfield.

A mermaid bit Steve.

Still, his heart is mourning.

He dreams of oceans, colorful fishes, and shiny shells, and he dreams of songs with no words but that fills him with emotions and when he wakes up, in the morning, he feels rested, loved, and cherished without any real reason.

After a couple of months, all the interest in Steve has diminished and one more time he is the failure his parents can’t accept.

They tell him to find himself a job and he changes from one minimum wage job to another, trying to find his place in the world, telling himself that when he will find the right job, the right house, the right girl, everything will be ok. He just has to wait, the universe will give him what his heart longs for, he knows it, and he is not wrong.

***

Steve always loved diving, so when the longing for the sea becomes unbearable he takes his equipment and goes to the beach.

He shouldn’t go diving alone, it’s dangerous and he knows it, but he can’t wait anymore.

The boy changes into his wetsuit, which feels like a second skin to him, he wears his diving mask, takes the oxygen and his fins, and gets into the water.

The deeper he goes the colder it gets but he keeps diving, searching for a thermocline where he knows he will find some fish.

He has the impression to have seen something violet in the distance, but when he turns to look with more attention there is nothing.

When Steve reemerges, ready to go back home, he sees a little white boat rocks near the shore, inside it there are many shiny things: pieces of glass, shells, and little jewels.

It’s a present for him, a proposition, and there, when the sun is setting like it was months ago, Steve makes a decision. He grabs all the little trinkets and puts them in his backpack, then he goes back to his sad one-room apartment, grabs some food and some clothes, and goes back to the beach as fast as he can, wishing so hard that the boat is still there waiting for him, as it is.

He gets on the boat and starts to row toward the open sea.

A little voice inside his mind tells him that he will get lost and he will die a horrible death in the middle of the ocean, but another part of him urges him to keep rowing so he does, until he hits a rock. Or maybe not.

“Going somewhere, pretty boy?”

Listening to Billy’s voice is enough to dissolve the enchantment that the blond mermaid did on him.

“Billy!” The boy calls, diving into the water, and the merboy catches him with no effort.

“Hey there, pretty boy. I knew you would have come.”

“Did you sing for me?” He asks, putting together all the little things that happened to him: the dreams, the pull toward the sea, the shiny treasure.

“I sang for you every single day.” He replies, peppering his face with kisses “Onda told me that if you really were my mate you would have felt the pull even if you didn’t have your memory. And you did, didn’t you, sweet thing?”

Steve smiles, but they are still in the middle of the ocean.

“What now?”

“Now I’ll bring you home.”

***

Home, Steve discovers, is a little island uninhabited, or at least with no humans. There are a few animals and a big underwater cave that leads to an entire submerged town. Even if Billy did his best to share oxygen with him, Steve wasn’t unable to visit it, he just saw a big palace nestled between the rocks.

“I hate that you can’t see it.” The merboy says while they are resting on the beach.

“I’m sure it’s beautiful.”

“I could sing it to you.”

“Do you want to?”

“I want to share everything with you.” Billy replies, and then he starts to sing while playing with Steve’s hair, but in his song, there is more than just a castle between the rocks: there is pain and sadness, there is hope and fear, there is a hole that has Steve’s shape, and there is love. So much love.

“I’m sorry.” Steve says, turning away to hide his tears “I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, baby.” The merboy replies holding his chin and making him turn toward him “Nothing.”

“I left you.”

“You did not. You were hurt and you needed help. And you came back to me. You came back for me.”

Steve nods, while silent tears fall from his eyes and the merboy licks them.

“No more tears, I want to see you wiggle.” He tells him and then he kisses him and Billy’s foreign mouth is the closest thing to home that he has ever tasted.

The blond merboy keeps kissing him, biting the side of his jaw, and then he goes down, and down, until he is breathing just above the tent in Steve’s swim trunk.

“Can I taste you?” Billy asks him, and when Steve nods he lowers his swim trunks and takes him into his velvety hot mouth. His clever tongue insists just under the head of his dick and Steve grabs Billy’s hair, trying to resist the impossible pleasure that is filling him.

“I’m going… I’m going to come…” he mumbles, and Billy sucks even harder, ready to swallow Steve’s release.

With a few hard thrusts, Steve comes with a moan into Billy’s mouth.

Billy smiles like a shark before kissing Steve and sharing his own cum with him and even Steve’s cum tastes like the sea.

Steve’s body is so lax after the orgasm that Billy’s dick finds no resistance when he gets inside him.

The boy whimpers a little when Billy’s big dick brushes against his prostate so soon after his first orgasm, but he doesn’t complain when the merboy keeps moving inside him, boxing him and kissing him until he is a whimpering mess under him.

“So good for me… So perfect…” he praises him and Steve comes again, painting both their stomachs white.

He gets ready to relax and feel the merboy filling him until he is dripping cum, but after the first shot, Billy pulls out and comes on Steve’s body, mixing their cums on his skin.

“Mine… My mate…” he whispers and Steve nods, unable to speak.

***

“You know how important you are to him, right?” Shui, the red mermaid that bit Steve months ago asks the boy.

“I love him.” He replies.

“I know you do but I don’t think you get what it takes to fall in love with a mermaid. And with a special one like Billy.” She tells him looking at him with condescension.

“He has always been special to me, even before you found us in that stupid cave.” Steve retorts angrily.

“Don’t be offended and listen to me, stupid human. He is a Prince. Do you get that?”

“Onda is the Queen, his title means nothing.”

“It means nothing now. It will mean a lot when he changes.”

Steve turns toward the red-haired mermaid.

“He what?”

“Have you seen him today? Are you wondering why I am here babysitting you and not eating shrimp with my sisters?” She points out, annoyed.

“Where is he? What is happening? Can you bring me to him?” Steve asks anxiously.

“Calm down, little human. He is fine. He is just going through a transition.”

“I don’t understand. Is he ok?”

The mermaid nods “He is. It’s a natural process. Some fish do that, didn’t you know?”

“Some fish do what?”

“They change sex when they get older.”

They do. Groupers do it. Clownfish and other fish do it too.

“He is changing sex?”

“Didn’t you notice that all the old mermaids are females?”

He has seen a few other merboys… but no merman.

“Will he be ok?”

“They. And of course they will. They are with their sister, they will take care of them and I promised to take care of you. I just wanted to warn you because I don’t want you to be mean to them when they come back. They have human blood and we don’t know how they will change.”

“It doesn’t matter. I love Billy and I will love them whatever it happens, but are you sure they’ll be ok?”

The mermaid stares at him and then she silently nods.

***

One week.

The entire transformation lasted one week, and in all that time Steve's only company was Shui and his own fears, so when he finally sees a mane of blond hair he runs toward the water.

Billy doesn’t look too different, the only difference that he can spot is “Your tail!”

It’s not bright red anymore, it’s more lavender.

“Did Shui…”

“She did.”

“And you are ok with that?”

“Me?” Steve asks, confused.

“I’m not… I mean I am still me but… different…”

This time Steve is holding them tight “I don’t know what happened and I don’t want to know. I’m just glad that you are ok.”

“I am not ok.” Billy replies, avoiding Steve’s eyes.

“What do you need? Can I do something for you? I can ask Shui…”

“I’m not… complete.” Billy replies with humiliation.

“You are not… what?”

“I don’t have any fucking tits, Harrington! Didn’t you notice?”

Steve blinks a few times, his mouth open in disbelief. He did not notice.

“And is it a problem? Is it hurting?”

“I’m good at nothing!” Billy yells, punching the water and splashing salt water everywhere “All I had to do was transform like every fucking mermaid and I did it wrong.”

Steve gets deeper in the water, holding Billy’s face in his hands “You are fucking perfect. You got it? You are all I ever wanted and all I care about is if you are ok.”

When Billy turns toward him Steve stares at them unashamed: it’s not true that they have no tits, it’s just that they are smaller than the other mermaids. Steve gently cups one of them, weighing it in his hand.

“Can I… Can I kiss them?”

He has never thought about a female version of Billy but now that they are in front of him he wants to discover every part of this new body.

“Aren’t you horrified?” Billy asks.

“I think that the word you are looking for is mesmerized, and I am.”

Billy’s tail winds around Steve and drags him toward their chest “I’m still going to fuck you. You know that, right?”

***

They are on their honeymoon, that’s what Onda called the period they gave them before dragging Billy back to work at the palace now that they are officially the second in line.

Billy’s body is softer and their tail has a different color, but for the rest, they are still sassy as they used to be.

They haven’t had sex since Billy transformed and Steve is determined to put an end to their period of chastity.

“You know, humans have sex during their honeymoon.” He says, caressing Billy’s shoulder while they are resting under a swaying palm tree.

“Oh, do they?”

"Definitely."

“And what’s your plan? Convincing me to have sex with you talking about human customs?”

Not the brightest plan ever, but at least they are addressing the matter once and for all.

“Are you in pain? That’s why you don’t want to have sex with me?” he asks and Billy shakes their head “Are you worried you will not like it?” another nod of refusal “So what?”

“I’m worried I’ll get pregnant.”

Steve almost chokes on his own spit.

“You what?”

“Oh, Steve, do I really have to be the one who tells you? When two people love each other very deeply, sometimes they have a baby.”

“No, I get that, I mean I didn’t think that…”

“That you could get me pregnant?” Steve’s mouth feels too dry so he just nods “You could. Just like Neil did with my mum, and the younger the mermaid is, the easiest is to get pregnant.”

Steve nods “Oh, I get that, you don’t want a child from me. I mean, it’s ok, it wasn’t really in the cards when we met so…”

“Would you like that? A child? Our child?”

It’s a tricky question.

Short answer? Yes.

But he is respectful of Billy and their choice so he says “All I ever wanted was a family, and you are my family.”

“That means that you hate the idea of having kids?”

“No! I… I… I’d like to have them. With you. But if you don’t want them I get it. I mean, our life is pretty complicated as it is, right?”

He is not wrong: Billy has many responsibilities and Steve can’t exactly follow him underwater.

“I want them. But I’m scared. What if they are damaged, like me?”

No, Steve is not going to have any of that.

He pushes Billy until they are lying with their back on the sand and their arms over their head.

“You are not damaged Billy, and our hypothetical kids will not be damaged either. And if you will never want them I will never ask, but I can't stand listening to you talking like that about yourself.”

“You are really in love with me…” the mermaid grins.

“I really am.”

“Maybe I should fuck you, just to know if you are still a good partner.”

“You are such a brat!” Steve complains, but after a moment it is he who is trapped with his shoulders on the warm sand.

“Do you think that your human dick is good enough to fuck someone? It seems so tiny, doesn’t it?”

Steve’s dick is far smaller than the one Billy had “Do you think it is too small?” The boy asks, blushing at the humiliation.

“Oh, I think that with such a tiny dick I will barely feel it, and I really don’t think it will catch.”

“There is just a way to find it out, what do you say? Are you ready to let me try to knock you up?”

Billy’s dick is smaller than it was but is still there, so Steve takes it in his hands and finds it even more flexible now that it’s smaller.

He rubs his dick on Billy’s and when the tip of Billy’s cock gets into the slit of Steve’s dick he whimpers.

“Oh fuck, I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

Steve shakes his head “It’s just… intense. And strange. But mostly intense.”

“Does it mean that I could still fuck you, pretty boy?”

“Oh, I think you could even if I was inside of you but this… this feels…”

“Good?”

“So fucking good.”

Billy’s dick keeps thrusting inside the tip of Steve’s cock and when it withdraws with a quick movement Steve comes copiously on the mermaid.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” he moans, trying to stabilise his breath.

“Harrington, I thought that all of that was supposed to get inside me, not on me.” Billy teases him.

Steve rests at Billy’s side “Give me a moment and then I’ll fill you until you beg me to stop.”

“Do you really think you could?” The mermaid keep teasing the boy, but Billy let Steve rest a little while they go back in the water to keep themself hydrated; when they get back from their swim Steve is more than eager to show them that he can be a good lover.

Billy tries to play with Steve’s dick again, but the boy grabs Billy’s sex with his hand and starts to jerk them off while he slowly penetrates inside his partner for the first time.

Billy’s body is wet and warm and when they whisper on Steve’s lips that they want it harder, Steve doesn’t hesitate, thrusting harder and harder, listening to the watery slaps sound and to their moans.

“You are so warm, baby. So velvety and warm. I wanna bury myself inside of you and stay like that forever.” Steve whispers while Billy keeps repeating that they want it harder. “If I keep going like this I’m going to come in no time.” 

“I’ll fucking kill you if you stop now!” Billy almost yells while they keep moaning under Steve and when the boy feels that he is close it takes Billy’s dick in his hand once more and starts to jerk them off quicker and quicker, doing his best to get them off before coming inside of them.

“Let go. I’m here. I’ll get you.” Steve reassures them and finally, Billy comes with a moan that reverberates inside Steve’s soul, clenching so hard on Steve’s dick that he comes too, filling Billy’s inside.

They hug each other, Steve still inside Billy “I want to keep you inside me a little more.” They tell him and Steve couldn’t deny them if he wanted to.

“You ok?”

“It was… intense.” They reply and Steve smirks.

“Was it?”

“I think I’d like to do it again.”

“I’m your humble servant.” Steve replies with a smile, brushing away the blond locks “You are so fucking beautiful.” He whispers, kissing their cheeks, and somehow it feels more intimate than the fact that Steve is still buried deep inside Billy.

Steve sighs, content, if Billy want he will try to breed him again, and again, and again, but for the moment holding them in his arms is more than enough.

[corvidcrows]

First post in years. Guess this Tumblr isn't empty anymore. Just doing some drabbles for friends.

Something different I decided to write because sfw lol but ALSO something self-indulgent because it features my own Narrator.

I was thinking really hard about @indigo-art 's Arthur and his crisis of personhood and couldn't let him go without a headpat.

So this is more like a character study of Arthur than anything else. Existentialism at its finest!

~~~~~

He's met many a Narrator in an ever increasing multiverse. The space that he resides in seemed to fold into itself even more, giving way to new occupants that fell into the void. Most of these beings were either Stanleys or Narrators, and the latter seem to come in more colorful varieties than the former. Arthur himself tends to stick company to a few Narrators he knows more intimately, but this time he was forced to interact with a new one who seemed to have moved right across the hall next to him.

He's part of a committee of Narrators now, as for some godforsaken reason he was well-liked enough to be voted into a role to greet newcomers. He had no prior experience greeting people, but most have insisted on him filling the job.

He... Doesn't hate it, but doesn't love it either. It allowed him to meet interesting new personalities that became his friends, but most Narrators were insufferable pricks that he would like nothing more than to strangle. He wonders if this one would be the former or the latter.

They say that the person you hate the most is the person who resembled you the best.

He doesn't have a chance to change his mind after knocking, because it opens immediately. This Narrator looked somewhat humanoid from the waist up, but the waist down was a different story. He possessed a ghostly yellow tail that tapered into an arrowhead point and wound itself into knots. It made Arthur dizzy just looking at it, so he averts his gaze and determinedly stares at the Narrator's human upper half.

“To whom do I owe the pleasure?” the Narrator asks politely, as if Arthur had not just stared at his tail flattening and circling around the apartment in a lazy run.

“Name's Arthur. Arthur Gold. You're going to be seeing a lot of me, considering I live around here,” he says, extending his hand. The other Narrator stares in confusion for a moment, and chuckles.

“Ah, names. Names are important here, considering the sheer number of alternates we have. I suppose this would be more of a point of contention for the Stanleys, who do possess a name, rather than us Narrators, am I correct?” the other man says as he tilts his head.

Oh God, this Narrator is one of the rambly ones. He's going to be kept at the door, is he?

“You may call me... Luke. Just Luke, mind you, I'm not very creative,” he says. “And I ask you another question: why are you here, Mr. Gold?”

“I'm here to welcome you to the Parables Flats. I just stopped by to let you know that you can approach anyone in the committee at any time. We have a few ground rules that we need to discuss–”

“You don't seem very enthusiastic to be here. Was this a paid position? Perhaps a voted one?” Luke wonders out loud, making Arthur do a double take. It's not every day that someone can see through to his facade, but Luke had sussed him out in seconds.

He falters, but carries on. “Can you let me in so I can talk to you about the rules?”

“Rules? Ah yes! Of course! Rules are important, you know. The world would fall prey to doom and destruction without the quiet machinations of rules. Did not the parable have rules that the player must follow?”

God, what a weirdo. Arthur's brow furrows as the man rambles on about rules as he walks– *floats* into the flat, leaving Arthur to trail after him. He thinks to himself to make it quick– until the man asks him a simple question.

“Tea or coffee?”

“I'm feeling coffee right about now.”

Luke's green eyes flash and the coffee machine whirrs to life in the kitchen. He flicks his wrist, and the lights flicker on. When he passes by the stereo, it crackles to life and plays blues music.

Arthur tries not to be too impressed. He has displayed much more powerful abilities himself, and he's gone toe to toe with literal gods and other beings.

Arthur sits down on the couch and begins his spiel, the one he gives to every Narrator who moves into the Flats. He starts enumerating each rule until he realizes that a certain someone is looking at him very strangely.

He trails off self-consciously, then glares at the other man for his impertinence.

“May I help you?” he finally says, sighing in annoyance.

“I– my apologies. I was taken aback by your lines of code. It's very... complex and systematic, quite a sight to see. Elegant. You're a sophisticated one, are you?”

That earned quite a stare from Arthur, who was at a loss for things to say. Where does he even begin: *How the hell did you know what I was, Who are you to be able to read my code at first glance,* and *Did you just call my programming pretty?*

“Ah. You must be terribly confused, are you? I'm a technopath, or more specifically, a technogeist. A spirit that affects electronics and technology. I think I was made this way for my Parable, made it easier to activate controls and possess electronics and such,” Luke explains as he hovers closer to Arthur, who instinctively flinched. Possess? This man was not just bordering on creepy anymore, but disturbing.

“I've never seen something– someone like you. You're a real, living person,something that evolves, not an amalgamation of static code made to replicate human response. Do you ever look at yourself and marvel at your own existence?”

Arthur's throat felt completely dry. *No,* he wanted to say, quite the opposite.

“Do you ever look at yourself and wonder how much of what you actually experience is real? How much of yourself is mirroring and how much is your own true response? Or how much of what you perceive is your own true nature?” Arthur's eyes were blank, unseeing, as he said these words. It's not new to him, these feelings. But he rarely gets to share them. Perhaps it's easier with strangers. “That's what it's like.”

Luke nods, almost as though he had empathized with Arthur, though he could not have known exactly what he was going through.

“I see. But are not humans like that as well?” Luke questions softly, and Arthur scoffs. “An existential crisis is hardly contained to inorganic beings like us.”

“No shit. But at least they don't have to deal with the perils of learning that they're artificial. That they're *created.* I'm just made to be a copy of the human condition.”

Silence. Luke sighs, goes into the kitchen to retrieve the cup of coffee, and presents it to Arthur. He then opts to coil his tail on the armchair across the other man.

“You spend so much of your time thinking about whether you live to mimic humanity that you forget to live as yourself in the first place,” Luke says gently. “You are not human, never will be. But you are Arthur Gold, someone who stands before me now, living grandly and passionately amongst Narrators, who forged a path for himself and chose life bravely. What are humans, whose genome is their biological coding yet they are so much more than what it dictates? Do not belittle yourself or what you are, Arthur. You are so much more than that, but what you are is not something to be ashamed of.”

Arthur would be loathe to admit this, but he is in near tears right now. Might just be from Luke's words, or might just be the heat of the coffee wafting into his face as he drinks.

Silence. Then Luke uncoils his tail and sits a little more casually on the armchair, letting his lower half droop languidly. It's as if nothing had happened.

“So. What were those rules you speak of?”

[lothcatthree]

Fic Writer 20 Questions

thank you for tagging me @forloveofcodywan (i've been wanting to do this one for a while)

under the cut so i don't plague your dash

1.) How many works do you have on ao3?

16 (i used to have >30 but i orphaned half of them bc i wrote them when i was 14 and nobody needs to see that)

2.) What’s your ao3 word count?

162,724

3.) What fandoms do you write for?

star wars all day babey. i dabbled in steve x bucky from 2017-2018 ish, but star wars has had my brain in a vice grip since 2015 (i was another victim to the sequels causing a sw renaissance).

4.) What are your top five fics by kudos?

the right feeling - from my finnpoe days :') this is part 1 of a soulmate au series. this one has 4.7k words.

i think i was blind before i met you - steve x bucky (damn we're going way back, this is 7 years old) modern au with barista steve and college student disaster bucky. 15k words.

please stay for awhile now - finnpoe, again for the win. this is part 2 of the soulmate au series. 5.6k words.

we should just kiss like real people do - finnpoe. this is the fourth and final part of the soulmate au series. hurt/comfort, recovery, all the good stuff. 8.2k words. (i suppose we all needed the soulmate finnpoe fluff in 2016, judging by these stats).

but through it all, i will need you anyways - current codywan WIP!! fix-it fic with just an insane amount of disgustingly tooth-rotting fluff. no clone death, just good feelings. this has been ENTIRELY self-indulgent and i started it when i got initial codywan brain rot. 64k words and counting!

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

oh my god yes, i love comments and it puts the biggest smile on my face knowing that people took time out of their day to write something nice for my little ramblings :')

6.) What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

jesus, literally none of them. i have to do happy endings, i'm too fragile. closest would be i hate you, fuck you, please never stop looking at me which is wolfwren PWP, except they still kinda hate each other at the end. (this barely counts because i am writing a follow-up that explores more of their feelings for each other and has a happy ending)

7.) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

ALL OF THEM. idk what to tell you. probably the cheesiest ending is the dinluke modern soulmate au i just wrote - how did i ever live without you?

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

no, thank god. i keep things pretty vanilla and i tag very thoroughly to do my best to avoid any hurt feelings. (also i've just simply been lucky to never experience that)

9.) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

oh fuck yeah. 2/3 of my fics are explicit. mostly m/m, one f/f and two m/m/m. we have fun over here.

10.) Do you write cross overs? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

no, this would break my brain. next question.

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no, unless it has been and they're very good about hiding it (doubt it, tho. i'd be a weird choice to steal from)

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

no, but i would love it!

13.) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no, but i have been thinking more and more that i would love to do this!!

14.) What’s your all time favourite ship?

this is so hard. . i think codywan has been the one ship that has just slapped my across the face and gave me stockholm syndrome. I think about them.... All the Time. second closest would be finnpoe, judging on how many stories i wrote about them. and they just fit so well together and i adore their characters and they had so much chemistry and. (i'll stop now)

15.) What’s a WIP you’d like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

my brain will simply not allow me to leave a WIP uncompleted. by god, it's going to happen even if i am chaining myself to my laptop and typing through tears.

16.) What are your writing strengths?

i have received many compliments about my dialogue and smut scenes flowing very naturally :) i try to make them play like a movie and have it immersive enough that a character doesn't do/say something unnatural to make the reader stop and say wait what?

16.) What are your writing weaknesses?

oh god, PLOT and ANGST. can't do it for the life of me. i work best in oneshots so i can brain vomit and move on. i have a hard time planning out fics and i deeply envy writers that can create beautiful long fics in a timely fashion. i deeply lack the patience for something like that.

as for angst, yes i can technically do it, but it pains every cell in my body. just let the sad old gay men be happy.

17.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

closest i have ever gotten is mando'a, but it's been very fun to learn!

18.) First fandom you wrote for?

oh boy. one direction (the aforementioned orphaned works).

19.) Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

i am cursed with "i immediately hate everything i write as soon as i release it" syndrome. recently, though, i was particularly proud of safe. warm. mine. because it was very outside of my comfort zone due to the involvement of three people and it was the first a/b/o i have written!

no pressure tags for @veelawings @apricusapollo @shy-wookiee. these are all the mutuals that write (that i know of) and haven't already been tagged (i think)! but please, anyone who i missed or who sees this and wants to chime in and tag me, please do!!!

[beevean]

hector for the bingo of course because its nice to see you talk about your blorbos... maybe also joachim? and for fun, julius belmont

It isssss <3

Hector:

the one, the he, the him of all time <3

this edgy bitch got my heart in a chokehold for more than a year now. send help pls

I don't know what else to say, I explained over and over why I fell in love with his character, his story and his character development, how you can see a story of a groomed child who realized that he deserves better and so he went and reclaimed his own freedom and identity, no matter the pain he went through. He's flawed, he's a war criminal, he is easily manipulated through his emotions, but he's also noble and kind and full of love to give and with impressive mental fortitude. And it's all canon! It's just a matter of reading it! :D

Yes I am aware he's basically a smoothie of Alucard and Guts with a sprinkle of Shadow on top, but I don't care, I love him and he's so cool and it helps that his swag is part of the reason I find CoD so fun despite its flaws :P

Joachim:

I will never be over how Joachim got such a lovely design, a slapping theme, and a tragic elaborated backstory that ties him with Walter, only for him to be a random boss on the same level as a damn parasite.

Joachim is cool. He's super fun to play as: his powers turn LoI into a joke, which would make him a force to be reckoned with in-universe. He's a believable anti-villain, and a potential anti-hero were he allowed to live. He should have been allowed to live :( I'm currently going insane with AUs where he became the Lord of Walter's castle while Leon still did his thing. I have fun imagining his personality after he stops being an angry teen tortured to the point of insanity. I'd love to see his chemistry with Leon, Walter and Mathias (and, in a self-indulging way, Hector and Isaac - he'd relate to them :3). But alas, it was not meant to be...

Julius:

tfw i'd have more to say about christopher and soleil than him

Julius for me was the victim of hype. He's pretty much the Chuck Norris of Castlevania, but his reputation hinges on something we never got to see. His boss fight is certainly awesome, but when I think of a Belmont that thoroughly kicked my ass, I think of Trevor :P and playing as him... I don't know, it didn't give me the feeling that I was playing as the strongest Belmont in history.

I don't know, I'm sure one can get lost into the potential of the Belmont who finally broke the cycle of Dracula, but I don't think much about the Sorrow games, sorry.

[hee-blee-art]

are there any specific ocs your rotating in your brain rn that you wanna talk about ✨👀

yes! always :)

recently I've been thinking a lot about my toyhouse corners guys as I continue working on their comic, especially basil, alfred, foster, and mac :) coincidentally (or not so) they're the four of the cast who do the most yearning and pining and of course I'm very normal about all that (that's a lie they all make me insane). I can't wait to reveal more about them, I could (and will) talk about them for ages (any questions always welcome, I'll try not to spoil anything too big). particularly I've been thinking about basil's past, his complex troubles with getting close to people, and his relationship to whisk, a troubled kitten who he sees a lot of his younger self in and may or may not be fixated on trying to help because he wishes he could somehow reach though time and help himself when he was a kitten in a similar position to her. all in all I am very excited to keep putting those guys in situations (there will be a candyland, a creepy safety village-esque town, and a mirage-like travelling megastore called appleworld in their future).

I've also been thinking (as I often do) about my tragic fantasy gays, sebastian & konstantine. I've been busy enriching their world with lore and planning out their story so I can start (yet another) draft for the first book of the grey circle, and with that comes a lot of thinking about those two, the haunted prince & his begrudgingly valiant knight who knows him better than anyone and yet cannot know him fully because of his unfathomable secret... oh, there's just something so intimate about being doomed by the narrative and bound together, done part by none, not even death <3 they're very enemies to lovers in a "we're on the same side but I can't stand you but I also can't stand to be without you and if anyone messes with you I'll kill them" way, which I can't get enough of myself.

also! the grey circle has lots of characters I haven't posted about nearly as much but are so dear to me and that I oft rotate in my brain, like ilèan & cainiph, who are a very skilled fairy princess with truly profound mommy issues and cain-and-abel vibes with her sister & an adrenaline junkie bounty hunter who is a bit of a hothead and accidently becomes a werewolf :) another mismatched pair that end up needing each other as much as air. and of course, gren & bain, the little mousy halfling-type creatures who are inseparable best friends in love beyond words, a sly bartender & a leisure-loving bard respectively, both incredibly curious and brave beyond credit, setting out to right a wrong and solve an old family mystery. I think about the grey circle very often, it's one of my favourite little worlds to visit in my head & I can't wait until I have something written that allows others to visit as well :)

the last herd of ocs I've been preoccupied with lately are my room & board cast, the characters for a comic idea I have about silly and bizarre sci-fi/fantasy comic about alternate-dimension-faring roommates travelling in a house-turned-spaceship in search of a (the?) holy grail. they're all old ocs of mine (6+ years I think) that I've rebooted a few different times, and returning to them after some years off feels like reconnecting with old friends as cheesy as that sounds. I genuinely missed them, and I'm excited to be messing about with a story for them again, even if it's just for fun. I've especially been thinking about the main(est) character, martin, and how her journey with transness fits into their larger existential and relentlessly silly adventures.

thnks for offering the stage to talk about my ocs! I love talking about them but I'm not always sure anyone wants to hear, but perhaps it's time I curb that mindset and just start putting more out there because it's fun for me :) also! if anyone reads all this, first of all thnk you for indulging me, and second I am genuinely always open to hearing about other people's ocs, whether through ask or dm or whatever! I know it can be intimidating to just reach out of the blue but I really do love talking about people's characters / stories / creations and I am always open to it. maybe I ought to make some more dedicated venue for that sort of thing but yeah casual oc chat is always an option! I hope anyone who sees this has a wonderful day / night :)

[asheanon]

So, uh... I stated over on the Xitter how I wanted to go on a Dissidia (personal story/fanfic - yes, it includes OCs and original material. This is Ashe writing this, after all) tangent so badly, but hate fighting with text limitations with these sorts of things, so here I am, hopping over to Tumblr to go on said tangent. 🕺

(Tangent placed beneath a cut. Proceed with caution! Maybe.)

⚠️ Disclaimer for those who have played the game: I'm still experiencing the game. I'm not going to know everything. I just can't help but feel the inspiration blaze through me at certain points throughout the Dissidia OO experience, which compels my mind to take off with thoughts galore (whether or not I want it to. I can't control this brain of mine; it's like a wild animal sometimes, trust me!) I am inspired af, but please keep in mind I could be incorrect about certain bits of lore and still have a lot to experience - and I am fully aware of that even in writing this out.

Also, no spoilers. NONE. Furnish me with the informations only if I ask. If I'm wrong about something, I promise I'll concede that when I later find out about it. For now, this is just me having fun. Let me have fun. I'm just getting all these thoughts out of my head before they drive me crazy...! Hahaha!

Anyway, sorry. That disclaimer may or may not be longer than the tangent itself. Onto the actual tangent!

💭

So...! 🤔 Given how there's a tiny bit of "wibbly wobbly timey whimey" stuff going on with how characters are brought in, if you will, I can't help but to think about some wacky situations that may make for some neat story potential…

I'm going to start with the more "conservative" thoughts. Thoughts on characters from the same world being pulled in from different parts of their own respective timeline, so you have different sections of experiences and memories to play with.

Particularly (spoilers): Sal experienced the deaths of some particular characters who are not only alive, but they were brought in from a time where they had not died. She has a lot of memories about them that they have yet to experience.

When all of this is over, she's going to return to a world where they're no longer alive. And she has that good ol' fun time looming over her. : )

Which, as tragic as that is, I do dig that kind of narrative - I mean, to boot: I dig it, but I started realizing that it was one I'd worked with before, even... it was one she experienced in The Anomaly (FFVII x Original fanfic.) Of course, the moment I realized that, I was like "how original, Ashe. Good. Guess we'll do this song and dance again because you can't resist it, clearly." Haha!

BUT... it was then that I had the less "conservative" thoughts... Namely: since all this "wibbly wobbly timey whimey" stuff is happening anyway, what if... I didn't just inject Starlight (FFIX x Original) material in this, but also injected The Anomaly material? What if both of those stories were allowed some agency in this?

And by extension, what if the Sal (the Sal, you read that correctly) that is brought in has only experienced one of those stories (Starlight, because I'm biased at this time) while the characters from the other story (The Anomaly) experienced a different version of her than what is present? They met her (some rendition of her.) She never met them (that version of her never did.)

Again, reminder: Sal is a world hopper. For her to be part of any given FF world in this type of FF scenario is really just a matter of chance. Technically speaking, she has experienced at least two of those worlds - in different timelines, but given that there is only one Sal present... I was utterly delighted by the oddity of just picking one rendition of her to have amidst the wild and random chance that the renditions of the FFIX and FFVII worlds/characters have characters that both experienced her and didn't.

🤔

It's so weird and self indulgent on my part, I know. I get it. (It's also my own little Dissidia-esque excuse for being able to include some FFVII OCs and story beats from various perspectives, haha!) I literally cannot resist thinking about it in all of its weird and self indulgent glory, though. I cannot be stopped. 🥴

Even if I don't use the idea, I'm still going to think about it, you know? And talk about it too, apparently. Haha!

All of that being said, though, I have entertained the thought of Sal's actual "world" (the original one - not just her inclusion in fanfics) being included in Dissidia as well. This would include characters like Nat, Tsuniah and, well, Vance. This guy.

I'd talk more about what makes the inclusion of Vance and different timelines + funky memory loss stuff going on especially fascinating (to me) here, but it really... wouldn't make sense to the rest of you. It's all original stuff; story I know and have yet to tell the rest of the world, so... yeah. 🥲 But there's potential in that too that I'd love to play around with!

In that respect, between the Dissidia shenanigans and Fall To The Moon ones, should I ever actually manage to write out some story stuff for them, I may yet instill some intrigue in regards to who he is along with these other OCs of mine. Create my own Dissidia effect - basically, compel people to want to get to know them outside of AUs and fanfics (because Dissidia OO makes me want to get to know characters I have yet to get to know, let me tell you. Haha!)

Anyway... Lawdy, I'd say that's a good ol' tangent right there. That'll do it, for now. To anyone and everyone who stopped by to read this... madness... thank you. I hope it was entertaining, otherwise, sorry I wasted your time...! 😅

Until next time.

🌌 😎👆👉

-Moonwalks back into The Twilight Zone.-

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Bound by Choice - Chapter 1

A/N: I need you all to trust me. Yes, I am aware this is utterly self-indulgent and that I have four other books planned out after this one, one of the future books being already outlined and ready to write. I know this is not what I usually write, but, again, I need you all to trust me.

Plus, this was really, really fun to write and I started it when I was in my Peak Pokemon Submas Obsession about a year or two ago now, so it's some of my favorite writing in a while.

Fandom: Pokemon (Black & White, All Media Types, Legends: Arceus)

Characters: Original Character, Kudari | Emmet, Nobori | Ingo

Rating: Teen Audiences

Summary: Andy has always been afraid of pokemon and what it is that they’re able to do, which makes their life rather hard considering they’re twenty-two, live in Unova, and work in Nimbasa City; which is known as the battle capital of their region. Their closest friend and semi-adopted mother being a former gym battle leader also didn’t tend to help matters.

A panic attack on a subway car they thought was empty, however, leads to them meeting the infamous Subway Bosses and learning that pokemon, while terrifying, weren’t the monsters they had grown up believing them to be. Getting sucked up into the lives of the two Subway Bosses and their best friend Gym Leader Elesa might be even more terrifying than the pokemon, however.

AO3 Link: Bound by Choice, Chapter 1

Chapters 2-5 Immediately Available on Patreon

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If you enjoy this story then check out my Writing Commissions.

…or, if you prefer, you can just buy me a ko-fi! ☕ …or, if you have a nice allowance, support me on Patreon! 🪶

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Chapter 1 - Andy

It wasn’t the lack of noise to show the office was empty that had alerted him, or the way his head jerked up from a half-asleep state for the third time, or even how all light in the office had switched from sunny filled glass windows to cheap, flickering overhead lights. No, what alerted Andy to the fact that he had stayed far too late for the third time that week was the slap to his back with the annoyingly bright and cheerful accompaniment of, “Andy! Do they got you pulling doubles again? And on a Friday no less!”

“No, Anthony,” Andy said, forcing himself to not push the words through gritted teeth as his back stung from the ‘friendly’ slap. Anthony wasn’t even a bad person! He was just vaguely dick-ish like every other office coworker who didn’t want to be there. “I’m not pulling doubles. Just finishing up some sheets.” 

“Man,” Anthony sighed, Andy closing his eyes and just barely resisting the urge to groan. That was Anthony’s ‘nostalgic’ sigh. “I wish I had the energy you kids have today.” 

I’m twenty-two, first of all, Andy resisted the urge to scream. And second of all, you’re only seven years older than me! Why in Arceus’ name-?! Andy pushed the thoughts away, focusing on the fact that he was definitely treating himself to something sugary and unhealthy for how much resisting he was doing when it came to maiming his coworkers. 

As it was, Andy simply began disconnecting from his station, nodding and humming in all the right places as Anthony began yet another one of his monologues. If nothing else, Andy could at least be satisfied with the fact that he had finished inputting all the data into the National Dex that his team was supposed to have finished that week. A quick look at his xtrans showed that mercy did indeed exist in the world. If he booked it, he’d make it just in time to grab one of the last trains of the night back home. 

Standing up, and taking a minute to let the wave of dizziness roll through him that came from sitting in a chair for six more hours than he had wanted to, Andy looked to Anthony. The man was still talking. “-really, at this point you might as well just transfer to the night shift with how often you’re here- Hey! We could be desk buddies!” Ah. Anthony was attempting to lead him into the realm of eternal torment. Not today. 

“Something to definitely talk to Lindy about!” Andy fake chirped, pitching his voice into something as cheerful as he could manage when it was almost ten at night and he had clocked in at nine that morning. “For now, though, I should probably get going before they nag at me about overtime. You know how they are.”

Andy faked a laugh, nodded along to Anthony’s own joke that was basically a rip off of his own, and slowly backed away with his bag. The second Anthony turned to bring someone else into the conversation, Andy booked it. 

There was a time Andy would have felt bad about that, but as it was, he could only feel tired relief as he made it past a gauntlet of elevators and into the locker rooms. It was his only safe haven as the night shift workers had already clocked in and all the day workers were long gone. Like he should have been. 

“‘Oh, Andy, I have my bachelorette party tonight! You just have to cover for me!’” Andy mocked under his breath, tugging and pulling his lab coat off of him — Why did they even use lab coats? They worked in data entry! — before tossing it into his too-small locker. “Pretty bold to have two bachelorette parties in the same month,” Andy grumbled, pulling at the tie around his neck.

A quick tug of the clip-on tie and the blue fabric soon followed his lab coat, Andy happily grabbing and squirming into his worn, familiar blue and white hoodie that already made him feel more his age of twenty-two instead of thirty-five. The next time he was given a job recommendation, he would sooner change regions. 

Throwing his satchel around his shoulders and pulling on his old black-and-blue hat he had found in a thrift shop advertising some pokemon tournament from years ago, Andy shot a glance towards the clock in the room and booked it back to the elevator. The trains — especially those of Gear Station — waited for no man. 

Thankfully he made good time through the rest of the building, stepping out of the elevator and onto the bottom floor when the reverabting bark of a Houndoom had him feeling like his heart was about to throw up, give out, or both. He knew — he knew — that the Houndoom was tamed and registered and belonged to the security guard behind the desk who was quietly hushing him, but that didn’t mean anything. 

It didn’t mean anything because as always — as always — he heard his mother’s words whispering through his mind, sharp and cold and so, so true.

Pokemon are dangerous, darling. You’ve seen how much harm they can do, haven’t you? Your friend, Mandy? She was out of school for two weeks because her Houndoom burned her… and they can do a lot worse than that. 

“Evening, Andy!” The guard called — Rupert, if Andy could remember right, which he wasn’t sure that he could. “Don’t worry about the gruff old boy here, you know how he is.” 

“Right.” Andy snapped out robotically, trying to tamp down on his shakes as the Houndoom looked at him and remember, darling, Pokemon are dangerous. You can never trust a creature that could hurt you so easily. “Have a good night.” 

Getting out into the main roads, Andy closed his eyes and took a sharp breath. The Pokemon in Nimbasa were never wild. They all belonged to trainers that could recall them and hide them away in pokeballs. Andy wasn’t in danger in a city this big. He wasn’t.

But what if a Pokemon disobeys its trainer? They warn young trainers all the time, after all, that’s why the Gym Challenge is so important. You can never trust a Pokemon, darling, not even a trained one. You should only fear them-

“Not the time,” Andy muttered forcefully, pushing the old thoughts and memories out of his head as he sped walked towards Gear Station. Every cry and scuttle of a pokemon that he heard had his heart rate ramping right back up, already on edge from something like a Houndoom barking at him. “Not. The time.”

He was getting better, as Lenora liked to point out. Andy didn’t always flinch when pokemon were near him, after all. He sometimes could handle being right beside them and not even feel his heart race! It was just… the bigger pokemon that still set him back. The dangerous pokemon. The battles… 

“Almost home,” Andy cut his thoughts off before almost shoving his glasses off his face with how hard he rubbed at his eyes. It, surprisingly, did nothing to help the headache that was forming. Damn screens. “Almost home and then I can sleep all weekend.”

Getting into Gear Station proper, and with his heart still racing more than he would have liked, Andy did his best to block out anything and everything that had to do with pokemon and battling. Considering he was in Gear Station which was home of the Battle Subway, it was harder than he would have liked. 

Still. He was nothing if not stubborn. He managed to focus on the sounds of the buskers over those of pokemon cries. He managed to keep his gaze on the ground, eyes skipping to the shoes and looking away quickly when seeing paws, claws, or tails. It was when he was passing by one of the battle cars that he resorted to burying himself in his xtrans, muttering under his breath as he flipped open the screen to the keypad and began drafting a message to Lenora. 

The woman may not have been his mother, but she sure acted like it when worrying about him. It was nicer than Andy would admit to most times. Still, a message letting her know that yes, he was on his way home and no, he had not been mugged and left for dead by Team Plasma holdouts was in order. 

Dodging the influx of people — because Gear Station, one of the biggest parts of Nimbasa City, even when it was so close to closing, was never not busy — and doing his best to avoid eye contact with any trainers or pokemon, Andy just made it onto his train before the doors were closing shut behind him.

“Cutting it close,” Andy muttered to himself, lightly rolling his neck and getting a few cracks out before collapsing onto a blessedly empty set of seats. The train car was fuller than it normally was on a Friday night heading towards Nacrene City, but all Andy cared about was that he was sitting down, his tired eyes were finally shut and resting, and the familiar overhead announcements all blurred together overhead. 

And then, of course, the pleasant greetings and reminders faded for, “And remember that the Battle Subway tracks run every day except Sunday and Wednesday! Detailed schedules for the battle cars can be found all across Gear Station or-”

Andy, deciding that when it came to pokemon and battling he did not want to think about it, dug out his headphones. He crammed them in before he even had them turned on, the sounds of the announcements already muffled.

Familiar motions had his blessed, wonderful xtrans playing his usual music set, an alarm ready to go to wake him up for when he would definitely pass out on the train like he usually did, and his emails from the Nacrene City Museum and Lenora pulled up. He was almost certain he managed to get a full two sentences in about the de-extinction program Lenora headed when unconsciousness hit. 

⁂

Andy startled awake by choking on an interrupted snore-turned-grunt as his back hit the seats of the bench he was sitting on, one earbud falling out as he blearily looked up at the ceiling of the subway. His first thought was that it was remarkably clean for being a subway car. His second thought was that the sudden stop of the train must have meant they were at one of the stops along the route — possibly his. 

“Okay, okay, I’m up,” Andy mumbled to himself, grateful his earbud headphones were the ones with a cord that rested around his neck. He did not want to have to go digging for a lost earbud- Ah, announcements. 

“-thank you for riding on the Yellow Line with us today and welcome to Gear Station. Please remember to take all belongings, items, and pokemon with you and have a safe journey to your next destination.” 

“Yellow Line,” Andy muttered, looking around the now empty car with utter bafflement. It wasn’t like the Gear Station trains to get their announcements mixed up and wrong. They must have, though, since Andy had boarded the Orange Line. “Weird.” 

Bringing up his wrist to check the time, Andy blinked at the empty screen of his xtrans, remaining black even as he prodded at the power button and tapped the screen. His xtrans was dead. Huh. 

Standing up, Andy shifted his satchel to rest more comfortably on his shoulder as he peeked out the door and looked at the outside of the train. Instead of a long, orange line that stretched out around the entire train, it was yellow. 

Another look around showed Gear Station, the normal Agents waiting to take tickets or standing at the counter no longer there. Stepping back onto the train, Andy slowly sat down and looked to the scrolling bulletin board above the doors to the next cart. It read their location, Gear Station, and the time, 9:48pm. 

“Huh. Alright.” Okay. Things were lining up and starting to click together. Andy had not boarded the Orange Line, but rather the Yellow. With how he had been avoiding the pokemon and trainers, he must’ve mixed up his trains since they sat right next to each other at the station. 

Another glance down to his xtrans, still dead, revealed why he must have not heard his alarm or any music, now that he thought about it. His xtrans had died due to a low battery. He vaguely remembered making a mental note to charge it before he left work. He hadn’t. Hence, no alarm to wake him up when he had drifted off.

Alright. That meant he was alone at Gear Station, which sat in the second busiest city in Unova, at night. It also meant his xtrans was dead and he had no way to contact anyone and, with the late night, he was most likely stuck there until morning. He had probably already missed the last train to Nacrene City. 

That meant he was stuck. He was stuck. He felt lost. He absolutely felt overwhelmed. There were no buses that went from Nimbasa to Nacrene, especially not this late at night. He didn’t have the money for any sort of cab service or hell, even a hotel room. He doubted his workplace would let him crash there for the night. He didn’t even know anyone in Nimbasa, let alone have anyone to trust to crash at their place for the night and-

He heard the cry of a pokemon from somewhere in the station, something large and loud and almost angry-The last coherent thing Andy was really aware of was his breathing speeding up, those familiar whispers seeping into his head and you really can’t do anything right, can you, dear? If you run off on your own like that, all those pokemon are going to just gobble you right up.

[secretnameofeverydeath]

im writing my first ever fanfiction and it has been an amazing writing experiment/exercise.

firstly because this is my first time writing fiction in english. i'm currently teaching a creative writing course to people who are learning my native language, and although i've been speaking english longer than they have been speaking my language, i still have a very hard time writing creatively. i am constantly frustrated because i'm lacking vocabulary, my sentence structures are weird because i apparently write weirdly structured sentences in my own language (which im also learning through this exercise) but there i have control and a deep intuitive understanding of grammar that i lack in english. the point is, i am now even more impressed when the people in my class write really, really good, creative and beautiful fiction, and i feel i understand at least a tiny bit better why they sometimes get frustrated for lack of words, or when they attempt to describe how they feel, etc.

secondly, because there's no point to fanfiction except my own enjoyment. so this is an exercise in true, self-indulgent writing. i'm only writing because i enjoy writing it and so i'm trying to allow myself to write whatever i want to write. i started out with the plan to write some good ol' fix-it stuff and hurt/comfort, but of course i linger on death and dying and what it means to see someone close to you die and on grief, and i'm actually way less invested in the hurt/comfort plot because i do not want to fix these characters i just want to study them oooops.

the thing is, all these things feel so shameful to do when i'm writing literature - like, come on, choose a happier or sillier topic, like come on not again a story about death and grief? like i always feel like i need to then at least be funny, or it should not be too autobiographical, etc etc, etc. there are so many rules i feel i need to abide by and im very scared to be too much, and i find it so very hard to believe other people might be interested in what i am interested in, or my thoughts, so i tend to keep the things that are purely written for me, in different folders on my laptop that will never see the light of day.

but there's nothing to gain from writing fanfiction except the pure pleasure of it and amazingly sweet comments from readers. so it's an exercise in allowing myself to write self-indulgent bullshit, to include those stupid literary rants and descriptions of death and dying, and to actually publish it. and then when people comment they want more, are invested, or actually like the literary rant, it makes my heart jump a little.

and of course there are all kinds of fanfiction rules and fanfiction etiquette im probably failing to abide by, but this is a new genre so i do not yet feel like i need to have it mastered and also once again: there's nothing to gain from writing it so what does it matter that its probably all a bit too analytical and my style is weird and the characters are maybe a bit ooc? nobody has to read it, and if people read it and hate it it's simply their problem and it does not even directly reflect on me because yes im definitely attempting to keep this shit as anonymously as possible.

[bebx]

Sorry to bother you with this ask. I hope it's not inappropriate (you don't have to answer this if it makes you uncomfortable.)

To put things shortly: I like whump (and, among other things, you're a great wump writer and a nice person, which is why i turned to your ask box). I love hurt/comfort fics where the blorbos i ship go through hell and back only to fall (back) in each other's arms (and, yeah, I love a happy ending).

I've always thought that the *feels* I get come from me worrying about them, from how moved by their resilience I am and, of course, by how worried/protective/feral their partner gets (+ the comfort and reassurance that comes after). I saw it as a "normal" reader (or writer) experience to have such stories move your guts.

Only, recently, I've seen people talk about what they call their "whump awakening" aka the first time they felt "whumpflies", usually between the age 4 and 10. And I realised it happened to me as well.

I can't help to see in those "whumpflies" some kind of s3xual thing (or is it not? and is it something everyone experience to different levels?) and came to see myself as some kind of p3rv' who's been revelling in the suffering of other since a young age. Like what I thought came from my crying at how much they love each other/at how brave they are was just me craving for crude pain. What I thought was some normal reader experience (feel for the characters) was just me mind m4sturbating? I thought I cared and liked my ships and characters which made me feel the feels but was it all a smokescreen?

I do know I have a kink for loss of consciousness (as a fantasy only!!) but, although it may seem hypocritical since when i indulge in it, the scenarii leading to it are mostly whump, I always saw it as something different, definitely separated from my love for whump/hurt comfort (more like something to do with holding/releasing pressure, witnessing and allowing vulnerability).

I also realise that being on the ace spectrum this could be it: my entire s3xuality could only be watching people hurt???

I feel like i must precise that I do not wish to hurt anyone irl. (by the way, I don't especially feel like I want to hurt characters either, more like...put them in situations and be with them if it makes sense...but maybe it's all the same). And yes, I know it's perfectly ok to be into sm but I never really felt it was it?

Now I feel like my entire reality has been shattered. I have projects, fics in the makings, fics i'd like to read, but I'm afraid i'll never manage to do it again. I'm afraid all my assumptions are right and self disgust is all i'll ever be able to feel. I do not know if what I'm having is an panic attack for it's been more than a week now that i've been feeling like that and panic attacks are not supposed to be that long. I wanna scream, cry, stop thinking but i can't. All I manage to do is hold on to a pillow and keep breathing though not in a calm way. I can't sleep at night and i hardly manage to do it during the day.

I tried watching tv but keep thinkings of AU's ideas for fics I'm afraid i'll never be able to write again. Itried drawing but there's always a time i want to throw away the pen. I'm not working this week but i wouldn't manage to anyway. All I do is worry, scream internally, sob pathetically or eat - occasionally but probably too much at a time. I don't read my mails, only repeatedly reload me tumblr wall to see people post about ships and fandoms i crave to come back to but feel like i've lost (even a funny or innocently fluffy fanart doesn't seem to make my heart jump at this point) and it's tearing me down inside as it's such an important part of my life - of me!!

I am already taking pills to help with unrelated anxiety disorder so i can't just keep taking more! I live with my parents so I am not alone but how could i speak to them about it? I'd have to explain I write/read fic and make them understand how much it means to me. Then the part about s3x and my fears ...it's really difficult. I also have an appointment with my therapist next week so i probably should have waited instead of annoying you (which i am once again very sorry about) but this week has already been hell so the thought of waiting for another week was just too much. I am just so tired of being stressed and of hating me and of seeing no future

I just want things to go back to how they where but i can't seem to reconcile all those thoughts spiralling in my brain. I am lost and afraid. Imagining fics/plots has always been not only a joy and a passion but also a way to calm myself down and right now i can't do it and the thought of never being able to do it again is just killing me I...I'm sorry, i just wrote this all mess to you and wondering if with your knowledge and a calmer mind you could have any answer? advice? Experiences to share? i just had to write it down and reach out to someone for i felt like i might have exploded and I'm desperate enough to be annoying...

So thank you if you read it to this point and double thank you if you choose to answer, even if it's just to say you don't really know what to say!

Still wishing you a good day!!

hi, anon! so sorry you experience these feelings. firstly, I just wanted to let you know that you are not annoying me at all and that I deeply appreciate you thinking I’m a great writer who you trust enough to turn to with what’s been bothering you. secondly, your feelings — how you feel — are completely valid. I myself had my first “whump awakening” when I was at a very young age. I think it was when I was about 7 years old? I’m not entirely sure, but I was very young, and back then I didn’t know what it was called, only that I got these sense of euphoria whenever I imagined a scenario in which a character I liked, at that time, went through extreme physical pain, sustained severe injuries. I never told anyone about this, because I didn’t think they would understand. it wasn’t like I thought there was something “wrong” with me, but I did know that I was different than most of the kids my age, because most of them would react differently to the concept of, you know, pain and injuries (I didn’t know about the concept of whump back then.)

that being said, knowing what I know now, I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with liking whump. I’m actually glad to know that there’s a whole community (precisely on tumblr) here where people who are into whump can talk about their experiences, their enjoyment, their whump awakening or even their own creations whether it be in terms of writing and/or drawing, etc. and I’m happy to know there are actually so many people who are also into whump.

now you mentioned you were recently convinced that whump is a sexual thing. I mean, to be honest, whump can be a sexual thing for some people (keywords; for some people, not everyone who enjoys whump sees whump as anything sexual-related at all) within the community. I mean, since there are so many people in this community, of course, some may be enjoying whump for sexual purpose, and that is not a bad thing either (as long as no one in real life is hurt or harmed in any way, of course).

from how I see it, it’s mostly people who aren’t in the whump community — aka people who don’t understand the concept of whump and think we are “red flags” for liking pain and suffering that are strictly fantasy / fictional — who tend to say “people who are enjoying whump are enjoying it because they’re perverts” which is not. true. at. all.

(sure, whump can be a sexual thing — a kink — for some people within the community. because whump is a fantasy, and there is no “wrong” way for one to enjoy the fantasy they creat in their minds and sometimes bring to life in the forms of writing and/or drawing. again, as long as no one in real life is hurt or harmed. so even if you — general you — enjoy whump because it’s your kink, it still doesn’t make you a pervert.)

I mean people can enjoy whump for entirely different reasons. some enjoy whump because for them whump is their kink. some use whump as a way to cope and recover from their trauma (whether or not it’s sexual). some just enjoy whump because they just like whump in a way that’s not sexual-related at all. for what it’s worth, I’ve actually seen a lot of people in the whump community who are asexual.

so what I’m saying is, different people enjoy whump for different reasons, and they all are valid.

if you’re asexual and you enjoy whump = you are completely valid.

if you (general you) enjoy whump because it’s a kink to you = you are completely valid.

if you enjoy whump because it’s your way of coping with your trauma = you are completely valid.

if you enjoy whump because you like it when your blorbos find their way back in earth other’s arms or when they’re taken care of after the pain they were put through (aka the comfort that comes after) = you are completely valid.

or if you enjoy whump where it’s “hurt no comfort” because you just like it when your blorbo goes through hell = you are completely valid.

as long as you’re not hurting anyone in real life, your reasoning in regards of your enjoyment of whump is valid. you are valid.

being in a fandom should always be about the joy and the fun of being in a fandom, because fandom is supposed to be your getaway from reality where you can just enjoy whatever you enjoy. it should always be your safe place. though I do understand that, while in a fandom, you’ll most likely come across things you’re not comfortable with or things that upset you. my best advice is to ignore these things (block and mute as freely as you like) and only focus your time and energy on things that bring you joy.

don’t let other people’s opinions take that joy away from you.

if there’re fics you want to read, read them and enjoy them unapologetically. and if at any point you feel like they’re not for you, you can simply close the tabs and move on to other fics you feel like checking out.

if you have ideas for fics about your blorbos you want to write, write them unapologetically. if you want to draw some whump art about your blorbo, draw them unapologetically. there will always be people who enjoy the same thing you do (maybe even for the same reason) who will appreciate your talent. or even if you don’t feel like posting/publishing them on the internet — for any reason at all — and just want to keep them only to yourself, that is entirely okay too.

because the most important thing is, when you write a fic or draw a fanart (or even when you read something), it should be for you. not anyone else.

how you enjoy a fandom, how you enjoy whump, should be about you and only you.

you don’t have to speak to anyone about it if you’re not ready or if you don’t feel comfortable talking to them about it. at the end of the day, you don’t owe them anything. because whump is not something you have to explain to your friends or family, it’s your personal getaway and you don’t have to explain anything to anyone if you don’t want to.

though I recall you mentioned that you were seeing your therapist next week. if you feel comfortable talking to them about it, I think it might help make you feel better. because your therapist would most likely have a better answer for you.

last but not least, I wanted to remind you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. your mind is lying to you about all these unpleasant thoughts you have about yourself. I know how hard that can be, how real and convincing these thoughts can sound. because I’d been there. but the bottom line is that no matter how terrible these feelings get, they are lying to you. and there is absolutely nothing wrong or abnormal about your enjoyment of whump, of your blorbos. you are definitely not a “pervert” for being in a fandom or for enjoying whump, no matter what other people might say. because how can one be a pervert for finding their safe place in fictional things that don’t hurt anybody in real life at all?

I’m not sure if this is the answer you were looking for, but I hope it helped at least a little. and I hope you can get back to fully enjoying what you enjoyed soon. but most importantly, I hope you feel better soon. a little reminder that your mental health is the priority here. I’m sending my love your way, always. ♡

[dominophile]

I NEED MORE TROLLS APOCALYPSE AU PLS 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Did I hear that right?? The apocalypse au is wanted???

Oh anon you've made my day.

Allow me to add our lovely trigger warnings and then I'll talk a sec!

TW: blood, death, bugs and worms, implied canabilism reference

ok! with that all said and done, let me explain a few things. The bit I wrote about an apocalypse au with my oc is unrelated to this here. Why? Because that was a snippet for funzies, this has plot and lore and rules and I'm not being self indulgent and adding my own characters.

This is a parasite based infection. Worms in specific, like maggots that don't just eat the dead. Sure I could explain the lore better, but I could also just write it into the story itself. :)

also yes, I'm very aware worms isn't a new zombie concept, I'm not claiming rights to the idea of worms creating the undead, but I am writing my own original story about the idea.

Now! Without any further delay, enjoy the read!

The Queen's Demise

Poppy's POV

Poppy holds her breath, hands pressed tight against her mouth. She could hear the heavy, pained breathing nearby. 

She stays completely still as the figure drags themselves past her hiding place behind a large tree. 

A few minutes of silence pass, she's safe. 

Poppy takes a large breath, leaning against the tree. 

"That was close..." She says, calming her nerves down. 

It was only a few days ago that everything was fine. She was happily leading the village without a care in the world. but then...

~

"Queen Poppy! Come quickly!!" A voice yelled, catching Poppy's attention. 

"What's going on, what's wrong?"

The other Troll doesn't have time to answer before screams drown out their voice. 

Poppy looked, seeing her people running around frantically. 

She quickly ran closer. 

"Hey!"

"Stop for a second!"

"What's happening??"

She called to various Trolls running by, but not one seemed willing to stop and explain a thing. 

Then she spotted it. 

Emerging from the bushes was a Troll. But they looked... wrong. 

They were pale, and their eyes seemed almost glazed over. 

Poppy got closer. 

"Hey, are you ok..?" She asked, reaching out carefully to touch the Troll's shoulder gently. 

Upon closer inspection, they had various wounds as well. 

"it hurts..." The Troll murmured. 

"I can call someone, if you need!" She began to remove her hand. "I'm sure someone here knows what to..."

She trailed off as the other Troll looked her in the eyes, leaning closer.

The Troll suddenly falls over and begins coughing violently, blood splattered to the grass below. 

Poppy took a step back, opening her mouth to speak, to tell the Troll in front of her she would go find a doctor and fast. But as she prepared to run, her eyed flickers to the blood, and she froze in place.

Worms. She saw worms. 

Multiple worms were in the splatters below, a few of them making their way towards Poppy. 

"What the..." She can't finish her sentence. The Troll suddenly tackled her to the ground, clawing desperately as if they were the one being attacked. 

They growled, they were speaking their words breaking apart like they haven't quite learned to talk properly, and Poppy couldn't make out what they were actually saying.

"get off!" Poppy yelled, thrashing about helplessly. The Troll on top of her was surprisingly strong. 

Suddenly, the weight is off of her. She looked up quickly. 

"Branch!" She yelled, seeing her boyfriend pinning the Troll to the ground. 

"Poppy, run!" He snapped, freeing one of his hands to grab a sharp wooden stake from his pocket. 

Having that on hand was so... in character. 

"No! You'll get hurt!" 

"I'm fine!" He shoved the stake into the Trolls chest, removing it and stabbing again and again a few times until the body beneath him stopped moving. 

He breathed heavily, standing up. 

Blood splatters decorated his clothes and face. 

Branch turned to Poppy. "See? I know what I'm doing."

Poppy nodded, pulling him away from the body. 

"Hey what are you-?"

"worms.."

"worms?"

"I saw worms.. they coughed them up..."

Branch looked down at the body. Sure enough, inside some of the exposed wounds were little worms that seemed to be digging in and eating away. 

"worms..." He repeated, putting an arm in front of Poppy and backing away. 

"...how did you know I was in danger?" Poppy asked after a moment of silence. 

"Oh, I didn't exactly... I came to find you to tell you... what you already know now, I guess."

"What do you mean?" Poppy looked at him. 

"There are others, Poppy. I found them in the woods by my bunker..."

Poppy stayed silent for a moment before speaking up again. 

"What's... going on Branch...?"

"From what I can tell, these worms are eating them... from inside it seems. Impatient bastards couldn't wait for us to be dead I guess"

Poppy nodded, then froze. "Where is everyone? Dad? Viva??" She looked at Branch desperately. 

"They're fine, don't worry. Viva is helping gather every Troll we're sure isn't infected."

Poppy paused. "So some... aren't getting taken to safety...?"

Branch shook his head. "We don't have much information yet, so we can't risk anything. Any Troll with any symptoms of being sick isn't allowed in."

"this Troll here... they were in so much pain Branch... they didn't know what they were doing...."

Branch sighed. "I'm sorry Poppy. At least they're out of their misery now."

"I guess."

"Come on, let's go tell Vive you're ok, she'll be thrilled. Then we can make a plan to move forward."

"I'll meet up with you, I just need a minute..."

Branch looked like he wanted to protest, but stopped himself. He just nodded and walked off, leaving Poppy alone with the body. 

She waited a moment, collecting her thoughts, before she fell to her knees and cried. 

"I'm so sorry this happened to you..." She whispered. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to help you..."

She wiped her eyes, taking a deep breath. She couldn't break down now. She was queen, she had to do something. 

She knew what she had to do. it was her duty as queen. She stood up, looked at the body one last time, then ran off to find everyone. 

A while had passed, and Poppy had called everyone to attention. Branch had found an empty and safe corner of the village and he gathered everyone there with Viva and Clay's help while John Dory was currently making sure everyone was here and paying attention. 

"Listen up everyone!" Poppy yelled, which caused the murmuring among the crowd to quiet down. 

"as your queen, I know you all want my guidance... but the truth is... I'm not sure what to do."

The murmuring picked up again. 

"but! I promise you all, I'm going to find out!"

Branch looked at her. "Poppy..?"

She kept talking. "I'm going to go and find help. Maybe someone somewhere else has a better idea of what to do, or even a cure!!"

"Poppy no!" Branch yelled, walking over as quickly as he could. "That's a suicide mission, you can't!"

"What choice do I have? I have to keep my people safe!"

"I'm sure we can work something out here! Where I know you're safe!" Branch pleaded, Poppy just sighed. 

"My mind is made up Branch, I'm sorry." She put her hand on his cheek, offering a soft smile. "Don't worry, I'll be back before you know it! Don't you trust me?"

"...I trust you. Just please be careful... I wouldn't know what to do if anything happened to you.."

"I'll be back so quick you won't even miss me! Promise!"

Branch doesn't respond, instead he just handed her a pocket knife. 

"Take this, remember me and stay safe."

She nodded, and walked off to go pack. 

~

Poppy sighs heavily. 

"Hang on a while longer Branch..." She murmurs, standing up fully again. 

Poppy looks around, trying to find anything she recognizes. 

She had decided about a day ago to travel to the Hard Rock Trolls. That tribe thrived in danger, so she thought they could help, plus she had friends there. 

She was just a little lost right now. She had been in her own thoughts for a while now, and hardly paying attention to where she was going. Now she wasn't sure where she was. 

So she keeps walking. She's bound to find something soon, right? 

But an hour passes. Nothing. 

Another hour goes by, still nothing. 

She's completely lost. 

With a groan she dramatically falls backwards into the ground. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, just trying to clear her mind. 

But she's scared. She's alone and scared. She's always relied on having her friends around, but no she had no one. 

She was going to die out here in the woods, tired and alone and-

"Poppy...?"

She jolts up, looking around. 

"wh- who said that??"

Poppy's eyes fall on... another Troll? A very familiar looking Troll actually. 

"...Creek?"

The other Troll lights up a little, walking closer.

"yes! I'm so glad you haven't forgotten about me!"

Poppy huffs, standing up and stepping back. 

"Creek, you betrayed us. You sold out literally the whole village!"

She looks him over quickly. Same old Creek, except... more tattered. His hair's a mess and he's covered in various cuts and scars and he seems pale. His left arm is hastily wrapped in leaves as well. 

"I know, and I'm sorry! Very sorry! But I mean you no harm now, honest."

Poppy wants to protest, but what choice does she really have? Creek probably knows this part of the woods, right? He can help her get out and get help for her village. 

"Ok Creek. We're on the same side I guess..."

"...are we?"

"Well, yeah! The infection..? The worms..??"

"I can't say I've heard of it..." 

Poppy stares at him, tilting her head to the side slightly. Before she can ask anything he speaks again. 

"hey... you'll help me, won't you Poppy...? You've always been so good at helping..." He trails off, like he's not really sure what he's going on about. 

"What's the problem...?" She asks cautiously, stepping closer to him. 

"It hurts... so much..."

She feels her heart sink. 

"w-what? What hurts...?"

"everything... You're... helping me.... right?" He smiles, but it feels wrong. He reaches his arm out towards her, and the loosely wrapped leaves fall off. 

Poppy's eyes widen. Worms. His arm almost halfway up is eaten down to the bone and is infested with worms. 

"No.. no no no..!" She backs away, with every step she takes, Creek takes one as well. 

Creek's smile drops. 

"Please Poppy... it hurts.... I can feel them inside me..." He pleads. 

"I'm sorry. I'll come back for you soon, but I need to get help for the village first." She whispers before taking off. She doesn't know or care what direction she's going, she just knows she has to flee. 

Poppy doesn't look back to see if Creek is even following, that's too risky. 

She runs and runs, until she trips, sending her tumbling down a hill. 

She stays on the ground at the bottom, the shock slowly dying. Then she feels a sharp pain in her ankle.

Poppy sits up to look at it, it's already bruising and hurts to touch. 

"What do I do what do I do..!" She asks herself, feeling her heart racing. She's so lost in her panic that she doesn't hear the leaves rustling behind her. She doesn't notice the figure creeping up towards her... until it's on top of her. 

Without thinking she kicks at it with her non injured leg. 

"Help... me..." 

"Creek!" She gasps. "Please just- get off me and let me go! Please!"

"But... I can feel them under my skin...in my head... Poppy they want you too... not just me... let them in Poppy..." his words melt together and his claws dig into her flesh, drawing blood. 

"Please stop...!" Poppy cries, but Creek doesn't even seem to hear her anymore. She feels some of the worms from his arm clumsily fall onto her body and she tenses up.  Creek just stares at her, eyes blank. He's still alive, but he's not himself anymore. That much she can tell.

"Creek please, I don't want to hurt you...!" Poppy looks up at him desperately. To no avail. 

Creek holds still, very still, staring Poppy down, then he lunges at her, fangs bared. 

She acts quick, grabbing the knife Branch gave her and plunging it into Creek's chest. He yelps and falls backwards. 

"Poppy...!"

Poppy grabs him and stabs again, and again, and again. Over and over until he stops struggling and falls silent. 

She sits back, breathing heavily and tears falling from her eyes. 

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry" She sobs. She never wanted to take a life. Ever. Even an infected one. She went on this journey to find help and hopefully a cure... now she's done the opposite. No one deserves that, not even Creek.

She hugs her knees to her chest, ignoring the pain that shoots through her ankle when she does so. 

She just sits there and cries. 

She's distracted and her vision is blurry. So much so that she doesn't notice Creek's body pull itself up off the ground and clumsily drag itself over. 

She doesn't notice, until it's too late, and she feels his teeth sink deep into her flesh. 

Art by me

[monstrousvoice]

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 ~ Full length fics or headcanons of characters are accepted - these can be for canon characters, OCs, or Reader Inserts. Pronouns can be anything, but please do specify if you want something specific! If nothing is specified, I will default to either my personal character head canons for canon characters or go gender neutral for OCs and Readers. 

 ~ If a request does not interest me, or is something I find offensive for any reason, I have a right to refuse writing it. I do not have to give you any reason for why I won’t write it, nor do I have to justify why I won’t write it. Be respectful of responses - typically I am willing to still try writing something depending on the request itself. If you do not respect me or my decision, this option is revoked, and I will ignore any hateful or pushy messages you send in an effort to convince me otherwise.

 ~ My blog and everything I write is completely self-indulgent. This is a reason why I may refuse requests. I take your requests as suggestions for ideas and scenarios, but ultimately I write what I want to write. If for whatever reason, you are “disappointed” in how your request turned out, be aware that I do not make any money from this and these are not commissions. Any rude behavior will again, not be tolerated. If you truly would like something different than what I wrote, you are free to request again, specifying what you would like done. This conveniently leads to my next point:

 ~ Specify what you would like written in a request! I am not a mind reader. If you have a specific scene or idea you would like me to flesh out, the more details, the better. An example of a “poor” request-

“Write Character X Shy!Character, please.”

There is not much for me to go off here. Is this for a full fic? Headcanons? What gender/pronouns? What is the scenario you want? Is it their first meeting, or are they in the middle of having sex and one of them is acting super shy? These are all variables that are missing. An example of a “good” request-

“Hello! Can I please request a fic with Character-A X Character-B where they are having their first kiss, and B is really shy about it? Could it be after they had a really nice dinner together or something similar? Thank you!”

This is a lot more information for me. I can make a full story out of this prompt and you won’t be left with a half-baked concoction missing all the important stuff you wanted to read about. 

 ~ A List of what I am comfortable writing vs. what I am NOT comfortable writing~

Yes List:

~ Fluff 

Anything goes here, really. I have yet to come across a fluff prompt I am not comfortable writing.

~ Angst *A NOTE - For angst, I tend to write happy endings, or as happy as I can make it. If you want no happy ending, be sure to specify!*

Character Death

Grieving and Loss

Betrayal

Cheating

Pregnancy or anything regarding pregnancy with a few limitations (See ‘No’ List for more details)

Insecurities of any kind - whether it be mental or physical

Torture, Kidnapping, and Gore scenarios with a few limitations (Again, see ‘No’ List for more details)

~ Smut

Pretty much anything goes in this category too. I have a wide range of     kinks and I am always willing to write about them or ones that I may not     have but find interesting.

BDSM

Daddy/Mommy Kink

Master and Slave/Pet Play

Oviposition

Consensual Non-Con

Predator & Prey

Breeding and Pregnancy

And these are just a couple I am willing to write. If you’re unsure if I am willing to write it because it’s not on this page anywhere, you can always send me an ask to see what my thoughts are!

 No List:

~ Angst

PREGANACY LIMITS - Abortion or Miscarriage - These are two incredibly heavy topics that I personally have no experience in. As a result I feel I am not only unprepared to write such topics, but that it would also be disrespectful to people who have gone through either of these situations. 

Self-Harm or suicidal scenarios - I am not willing to share my history with those I don’t know, but this topic is a rather personal one for me. I will not write it. Do not ask me to.

TORTURE, KIDNAPPING, OR GORE LIMITS - Extreme Torture or Gore - While I am comfortable writing scenarios where Character-A gets kidnapped and maybe beaten up a little, going into extreme detail about being tortured with extremely gruesome imagery is not something I typically enjoy writing. There are exceptions to this, so feel free to send in an ask to see if it’s something I am willing to write. Depending on the scenario, I may be interested.

~ Smut

Non-consensual sex/rape - I will not write this in a sexual way. If you would like to request an angst scenario regarding the aftermath of this, then I may be willing to write it, but it’s not likely. I will never write it in a sexual way without clear consent being established either at the beginning or end of the story.

Watersports/Piss

Scat/Poop

Incest*

Pedophilia*

*If you are someone who wants to participate in or believes there is nothing morally wrong with Incest or Pedophilia, I not-so-kindly ask you to leave my blog and not come back. If you try interacting with me I will report and block you, as well as warn other creators in the fandom of you.

~Fandoms and Characters I write for!~

~Cult of the Lamb

The Lamb

Narinder

Shamura

Heket

Leshy

Kallamar*

Kudaai

Claunek

Helob

Sozo*

Kallamar - This is a character that I do not feel comfortable writing in a romantic or sexual sense. I love the way his character was written, I love how much I absolutely despise him, but that's all. If you have a request for him interacting with his siblings, or being a foil to another character, I can write such a thing. Not in a romantic or sexual sense however.

Sozo - I love Sozo and I will accept any requests for him! I am just not very confident in how I portray him, as his character is rather difficult to get a grip on.

~Final Notes~

Thank you for taking the time to read all that and taking it into consideration next time you grace my inbox. If you have any questions that this list did not answer then please feel free to send in an ask for clarification! I understand that questions come from a place of curiosity and unless you are blatantly ignoring my boundaries and rules, I am happy to explain my reasoning and discuss them with others. Thank you!~

[kinetic-elaboration]

August 16: AHS 5x02 Chutes and Ladders

Went grocery shopping today and then watched AHS. These episodes are so long. They are too long. I mean, I know that AHS tends long in general and that's, like, fine, it's part of it, but this ep was 71 MINUTES without commercials. 71!! That's a very short movie.

And it's not just long, it's self-indulgently long. Like, I know we all sometimes feel when watching certain shows that it's really a shame they probably had to cut so much and hurry it along and blah those TV studios or whatever right? But honestly more often that not, now that I've seen a sufficient number of Netflix and streaming shows that don't have set episode lengths, I've come to the conclusion that at least 80% of the time the creators benefit from the enforced time limits. Sometimes having variable episode lengths, including longer ones, is nice and it allows for some creative episodes or some extra content but usually to me it just feels like... bloated and indulgent. Like the creators weren't asked to cut and so they didn't and so they never made any choices about anything and it's just all out there, a mess.

Anyway, this is both OT and sounds much harsher than my feelings. And is hypocritical because I never cut jack but like I also don't write ~ professionally ~. I write in the Self Indulgence genre.

But the point is that this episode of AHS was so.... unnecessarily and self-importantly long. It did not have to be that long. It was not 71 minutes of information long. It was just that every scene needed to show off the scenery, the costumes, and the dialogue had to be slow and measured and etc. etc. etc.

This season is obviously very stylish, as I mentioned before, and I admire that. Lots of fancy gowns for Lady Gaga. Lots of Art Deco rooms. A whole weird white room that reminds me of an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? I like the look of it but I don't need so many scenes devoted to letting me look at the scenery.

And the content is like... fine. There are some characters I like (Liz! Liz! Liz!) and some story lines. Some of it just isn't for me, isn't for my taste. I don't think the Detective character is interesting. I don't think he's interesting after the twist. I don't really care about his kids either. I think the Countess and her vampires are okay but to me they're mostly style. I also don't really like vampires generally, as I also mentioned before--obviously they can be done well but they're not my favorite creatures.

I liked the model a lot, at least as a model just fucking around on the runway (what would Tyra say?) though he got less interesting after he turned and we entered Vampire Lore time. It was fun watching him and Original Vampire Lover interact especially since I'm also watching Freak Show and of course, the same actors playing very different roles opposite each other also appear in that. It's definitely enjoyable watching the repertory style cast over the seasons.

I really dislike serial killers and that this season makes me put up with TWO is just... infuriating. I just am not amused or impressed by sadism. I'm not! I'm not and I don't care. The whole Style of the Evan Peters Character backstory is very nice, stylish, of course, but then what's the big scary reveal? He's a bored rich baby who likes to kill people. Ah, yes, how unique and unexpected of him. Torture porn torture porn torture porn. I started zoning out when it was literally just depressing to me. And it's frustrating because, like, the concept of the hotel as a built-evil place with hidden rooms for evil purposes IS interesting. There IS something there. I just wasn't impressed with how it is actually played out or developed.

I did like Chloe Sevigny ranting about anti-vaxxers. She's right and she should say it! In every episode!

But yeah, overall, just... too long. I'm sure it's supposed to be lush and beautiful and disturbing and just the sort of thing you sink into and enjoy like a bubble bath but with blood and sex but like... I'm just not sufficiently into it and I'm a little annoyed that I'm being asked to put so much time into something that could be so much more efficient and compact.

[tenelkadjowrites]

Ah, thank you for your thoughtful answer to my slow-burn & smut message! I wrote it spontaneously early in the morning and didn't expect a long answer. <3

Due to my identity I find most sex scenes a bit, maybe not necessarily off-putting, but just not for me let's say, which leads me to ignoring certain words or paragraphs. My brain just skips them automatically lol. Sometimes when I'm particularly not in the mood I skip the entire scene. Even so, if the smut in general aligns with things I enjoy reading about it won't make me cringe or lose interest. And I found that your fics are fine for me, I never imagine myself as Y/N anyway, so it's okay, but like I said - certain kinks are simply a no-no for me.

Dirty talk can be very awkward and ridiculous and I'm honestly not a fan of it, so I appreciate how much work you put into your stories. You make the characters so varied in personality and preferences. I actually talked to you about Addicting Kitten, I remember saying I didn't think it would be for me, but two of my friends kept sending me snippets, so I eventually caved in and it's one of my fave Hwa fics I've ever read, even though Y/N was totally unlike me (I definitely enjoy reading about characters similar to me, I like when they're more relatable, but it's not a must, I just get irritated with certain characters), I found the whole relationship dynamic so great!

Writing smut isn't easy, and like you've mentioned - you can't just always write the same thing over and over again, it needs to fit the theme of the story and make sense character-wise. And when sex scenes feel unnatural and forced it's just not a vibe.

ah omg i do remember that ask and thinking it was cool you gave it a chance even though you originally thought it wouldn't be for you. it's funny because i try to write different readers (i also do not picture myself when i read or write reader fics) but the AK reader is probably the "closest" to me for various reasons which is why i've never recreated a reader exactly like her since. at the time, no one was reading my fics so i didn't think much of being that self indulgent when i wrote that reader...and now i'm too aware of how many ppl can read my fics and i get too shy to write anything that close to me again lol. (i know talking about shyness when i post very detailed smut online sounds silly but i am actually a pretty shy person which is why i barely post personal stuff on here.)

i am pretty picky when reading smut scenes to the point where even certain words or phrases can pull me out of the story so i completely understand where you are coming from when you talk about reading them. even when i post my own stuff, i don't expect everyone to read every single thing i write. like i might simply be writing something that someone doesn't vibe with and that's fine to skip it. like i said in my last answer, i write for myself and fics allow me to write a lot of stuff for different reasons, some as simple as escapism or more complicated reasons like self exploration, and if that resonates with even one single person reading the fic, that's great.

and yes, finding a way to write a smut scene that works with the dynamic and whatever version of a reader i've created is important to me. i want it to flow well and make sense regardless of if i am doing a ton of plot or very little plot. i try my best to tailor it to the dynamic while still keeping the fic light and fun. (fics are my "fun" stuff, my personal stuff i rarely show anyone skews a lot more serious or even into the horror genre.)

i appreciate such the thoughtful messages you send in. <3

[belfrygargoyles]

*whispers* I would like to hear what you have to say on reader inserts in the SW fandom because I too have a problem with them and I feel like not enough people are calling it out 👉👈

I’ve made a few posts about it in the past but I think it’s high time I actually Do This and really get into it.

Before I start: 1) This will be in specific reference to fanfiction written for the Star Wars fandom, particularly tcw and the mandalorian eras, 2) A lot of the issues come down to racist fetishization of men of color by white women; I am white, so there is much that is simply not my place to make statements on. What I can speak most on is my take from the gender side of things.

I’d honestly recommend reading this post by @nibeul with addition by @clonehub first, as they discuss the core issue with reader inserts in the Star Wars fandom.

And 3) some of this will involve discussion of sexual acts (as they relate to fanfiction) and sexual fantasies. These discussions will be non-explicit, and no pornographic text or content will be displayed.

Also. I’m GNC and nonbinary. I’m also a very feminine looking person that falls under the generalization of “small and petite.” I don’t have dysphoria, I like my body and the traits I have, and treating them like inherently female sends me into a blind fury. This is, unfortunately, important.

For the sake of making sure I come across as clearly as possible, I will be writing as though the reader of this post has never read or is broadly unfamiliar with reader-insert fanfiction.

Without further ado.

Hey, Star Wars reader insert fic writers? Please get your shit together.

INTRODUCTION

I’ve been reading reader-insert fanfiction since I was a grade schooler waking up early to check Quizilla. I love it! It got me into fandom, kept me engaged, helped me make and develop some of my oldest OCs, and it’s just fun to read and write- it’s like a self-indulgent little gift you can give to a bunch of people all at once. Because who doesn’t like the idea of starring in their own little adventure, usually alongside some of their favorite characters? It can be fun, immersive, get you attached in ways other ways of fandom interaction may not, make you feel just a little bit special, or be a way to express some feelings you might have about canon and the way the story went.

Like any form of fiction, it ends up saying more about the author’s feelings than anything else, whether the author realizes it or not. For many, many authors of reader-insert fanfiction, the primary enjoyment comes from writing “themselves” into the story- before the readers, the author most often makes the “reader character” someone they, themselves, can relate to and substitute for themselves. They write to live out a self-indulgent fantasy they have, and their readers can come along for the ride.

Some writers do actually try to write as diverse or as vague of a reader character as possible- as few details about the body, identity, etc. as possible so anyone could superimpose their image without the narrative directly contradicting it. This is not the kind of reader insert author I will be discussing.

The kind of author I will be discussing is the one most common in the Star Wars tag on Ao3: White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women who assume all of their readers are also White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women. Yes, you can tell.

ISSUE: fetishization of men of color

Again, this post puts it in the best words, but there is a rampant problem with Star Wars reader-inserts, particularly those involving the clones, Boba Fett, and Din Djarin, fetishizing characters played by men of color as either “physically aggressive and threatening, hypersexual and dominant, big strong men who are scary because they do violence and fuck constantly when they’re not” or “completely inexperienced baby who doesn’t know anything about things and needs a gentle nurturing guiding touch to introduce him to the mere idea of a vagina.” The former is common across all of them, the latter most common among clone trooper fics or Din/Reader.

I went into the Boba Fett/Reader tag on Ao3, because I like him and hoped to find something alright. Here are some stats I tallied up (give or take some) based solely on tags, summaries, and warnings:

There are 284 works in the Boba Fett/Reader category as of the time of this post.

198/284 are rated E for explicit sexual content. 69.7% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are sexually explicit.

259/284 are in the F/M category. 91.2% of all Boba Fett/Reader works involve an explicitly female or AFAB reader.

24/284 are tagged with or mention “Age difference,” “Older man/Younger woman,” “Innocence kink” or “Virginity kink.” 8.4% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are written explicitly with an age gap, with Boba Fett as the older party

26/198 E rated fics are tagged with or make reference to “Daddy kink” or involve the reader being called some variation of “little girl” by Boba. 13% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader are daddy kink fics, or allude to Boba Fett being a daddy dom/sugar daddy.

102/198 E rated fics are tagged as, make reference to, or suggest in the summary that Boba Fett takes a dominant sexual role with a submissive reader involving rough or painful play, or make reference to Boba Fett being frightening, physically intimidating, having a power dynamic over the reader, or being possessive or violent. 51.51% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader portray Boba Fett as sexually dominant and/or enacting use of physical force or pain play.

Just using this as an example, because it’s the easiest stats I can gather and also what made me realize there was a pattern.

The problem isn’t even necessarily that people write explicit fic about Boba- it’s that 1) over half of all fics in the category are explicitly pornographic, and 2) the way those pornographic fics are written. The two things compound on each other. They’re dominance fantasies projected onto a character of color in which he becomes extremely sexual, physically rough with the reader, possessive, and demeaning towards a reader character who is always written as White, AFAB, and petite.

This brings me to the next issue.

ISSUE: The way sexual relationships are portrayed.

Let me clarify so there is no chance of me being misunderstood: sex is good. Liking and wanting and enjoying sex isn’t bad. It is not bad if you are AFAB and have submissive fantasies. It is not bad to be sexually attracted to a man of color. You can write about sex even if you haven’t had it. Writing about sex can be a good way to express some more complicated feelings you could have about certain things. It doesn’t even have to be realistic. It has its time and it has its place.

This being said.

Sexual relationships as they are portrayed in the vast majority of E-rated Star Wars reader inserts are… not great.

The reader is always AFAB. I can think of maybe one fic off the top of my head where an AFAB reader was written with they/them pronouns and not just she/her.

The reader is almost always submissive, the dominant character is almost always portrayed as cis male. Even when the characters are supposed to just be having spontaneous casual sex, D/S or BDSM aspects will be introduced with no prior discussion or talks about it afterwards. Sometimes characters will start using dirty talk and it just does not fit at all, but it’s what the author thought was hot.

Sometimes, it just reads like a quick smutty oneshot. More often than that, it reads like the author doesn’t realize that sex… isn’t always a dom/sub thing. Or that someone can take the lead in sex and that doesn’t automatically make them a dom.

It’s not bad to be inexperienced. It’s not bad to have preferences or kinks or specific turn-ons.

But it gets… tiring to read, over and over and over and over, because that’s all there is.

That and… I dunno, it just has me a little worried? It doesn’t make me feel good knowing so many people can only portray a sexual relationship if it’s dom/sub. I don’t know why it makes me so uneasy.

Vanilla sex isn’t a bad thing I promise. It's this feeling of insistence that something "spicy" absolutely has to happen for it to be worth writing that gives... some weird vibes.

I’m going to move on to the next Big-

ISSUE: Every “reader” character is exactly the same

By which I mean the following:

Always cis AFAB female

If a character is written with gender neutral pronouns they will always be AFAB and written like Girl Lite

I have never seen an explicitly stated nonbinary/gnc reader character unless it was a request specifically for a nonbinary reader

I have never seen a gender neutral reader insert fic where the reader was AMAB

I have seen a grand total of 1 cis male reader fic and 1 trans male reader fic. The trans male reader fic was about dysphoria.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following backstories: slave/runaway, mechanic, medic, ex-Rebel, secret Jedi, bounty hunter.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following personality traits: throws knives, babysitter, completely civilian, WOMAN, says curse words.

The reader is never written with any narrative agency- things only ever happen to the reader character or around the reader character, they are never written to take charge and actually affect things on their own. Essentially the sexy lamp trope.

Remember when I said the majority of people writing Star Wars reader-insert fanfic on Ao3 were White, cisgender AFAB women who are gender-conforming and able-bodied? This is how you can tell.

It’s at this point where you can tell they’re really not meant to be reader-inserts, but author-inserts with the names removed- they were only meant for a very narrow selection of readers.

I’m nonbinary, I’m gnc, and I’m a very feminine looking person, generally speaking. I’m used to people looking at me and assuming oh, girl. I’m at peace with that.

I can barely stand reading some of these fics just because of how much the author emphasizes that the reader is FEMALE shes a WOMAN with BOOBS and a VAGINA and FEMININE WILES. There’s barely ever even a chance to give myself room to mentally vault over all the “she”s and “her”s because then I’m getting hit with Din or someone calling the reader “girl” or “the woman.” It’s unbearable, and I even fall into the general description every fucking fic author uses for their generic protagonist!

Even with the “gender-neutral reader” fics, it is just. Painfully clear that they just wrote a female character and changed the pronouns- no, there is no such thing as “male behavior” or “female behavior,” and I quite heartily rebel against the concept of gender essentialism. And honestly, I can barely even begin piecing together how I know it and what it feels like, because it’s just one of those vague conglomerates of cues and writing patterns I can’t consciously pick up on but I know it’s there- it’s frustrating, it’s demeaning, and it feels like you’d have to threaten these authors at gunpoint to get them to write a reader character who was any major deviation from the same three cutouts they use every time.

It seems like they can’t possibly force themselves to write a reader character who isn’t meek and submissive or has the sole personality traits of “mean and can hit things”- you can actually strike a balance between “absolutely no personality” and “fleshed out oc” you know? And you don’t actually have to tell the reader what their hair looks like or how full their figure is

It’s like 2:20 AM and I started this at like 8something PM but.

I’m someone who loves reader-inserts. I enjoy them. I still check for new ones regularly. I’ve been reading them for well over half my life now.

So many of these authors are just locked in on exactly one way to write things and it fucking shows. It’s like a self-feeding loop, they just keep writing the same things and the same dynamics because they see each other doing it and they never think about taking a step back.

It’s… exhausting. I’m exhausted. If you’re a reader-insert fic writer and you want to improve your reader character inclusivity and have also read this far, you can DM me or shoot me an ask.