#you know. how you would expect someone’s thoughts to be after experiencing something traumatic a la shooting their newfound brother

[quietwingsinthesky]

you know I actually have an Andy fic in my special children au that I’m trying to write and the biggest reason I haven’t finished it is that every time I get really into it, it suddenly switches into second person

[sirdindjarin]

A Ghoul and a Vault-Dweller Walk Into a Bar

Cooper "The Ghoul" Howard x Lucy MacLean.

TAGS: Fluff, pining, introspection lol.

WARNINGS: Swearing, alcohol consumption.

Based off of this post ! I loved the idea and couldn't get it out of my head.

AO3 link 🤠

A few days after the events of the last episode, the Ghoul and Lucy take solace in a quiet saloon, only to find their dynamic is changing.

“Ain’t this a peach,” the Ghoul muttered, taking in the New Vegas saloon. It was a postwar attempt to recreate what no one still walking had ever experienced, but it was faithful enough to send the Ghoul back to the set of a movie some two centuries earlier. He could smell the burn of the stage lights, hear the staccato of studio executives arguing, and see PAs stumbling over cables in the background. 

His bittersweet reverie ended when - what else - the Vault Dweller opened her mouth. Again. 

Bouncing on her tiptoes, her wide smile was interrupted only by her exclamation, “Wow! This place is right out of a history book. Oh, gosh, look at that!” 

Hanging from the ceiling was a myriad of materials in various stages of rust and decay. Grimy, glaring patrons grumbled as Lucy rushed past their tables to examine some memorabilia plastered to the wall. She gingerly ran her gray forefinger over the rusted farm equipment. “See these? They used to pull these behind a tractor, or a horse, and it made furrows in the ground. That made it a lot easier for them to plant things like corn, tobacco, wheat -” 

The Ghoul ignored her lesson. Let the history buff have her boring version of fun, it’d give him some peace. After the past three days, he needed it. He strode toward the far end of the bar, spurs clinking.

Lucy had been silent after the revelation with her father. Downright catatonic, almost. The following morning, still in sight of the Hollywood sign, and out of the daggum goodness of his heart (truly, he’d been a saint to even think about it) he’d offered her a hit of an upper, but she’d curled her lip in disgust. No skin off his nose, he’d thought humorously, he would just let her stew. 

Before the sun had set that next day, however, the girl abruptly flipped from traumatized silence to her usual non-stop chatter. He hadn't asked what changed. The Ghoul assumed she'd come to terms with her father being an evil sonofabitch. He expected her trauma would rear its ugly head at some point, but that was a future problem. Once she started talking again, he had again been a saint - he’d only thought about shooting her once. And that only because she had asked him a stupid question. 

You mentioned finding your family. You have kids?

Sidling up to the bar top, his ragged coat slapping gently against the stool, the Ghoul’s attention was drawn to a jukebox against the wall to his right. Colorful lights flashed, dimmed by a layer of dust; but the old machine advertised it was ready to sing. He glanced curiously at some of the songs, felt a flicker of some emotion he wouldn’t put name to, and turned away. He drummed his gloved fingers on the wooden counter, impatient to have something to smother the spark of sadness. Here, the weight of the past was literally hanging over his head.

The Ghoul had directed his focus on the other end of the bar, where the barkeep seemed to be pointedly ignoring him, when a dull scraping sound alerted him to someone sitting beside him - between him and the mocking jukebox. 

“Hi! Barkeep?” Lucy beamed and motioned between herself and the Ghoul, “Could we get a drink, please?” 

The gruff man looked more like a patron than a bartender, all heavy gait and uninterested stare, but he raised his eyebrows at Lucy. The Ghoul laughed under his breath. 

“What?” She asked in a whisper. Grimacing, she worried, “Oh… is that not how you’re supposed to do it?”

“There’s a laundry list of things you shouldn’t be doin’, Vaultie, but flaggin’ down the bartender ain’t one of ‘em.” 

Lucy straightened her posture. “You know, we have established a mutual goal and I would appreciate mutual respect. I don’t think being laughed at is-”

“Sweetheart, I ain’t laughin’ at you; quit bein’ so sensitive,” the Ghoul stated flatly. “Don’t we make quite the damned pair? A Ghoul and a Vault Dweller walk into a bar…” he trailed off with another chuckle.

Lucy relaxed her shoulders, still feeling awkward. “Oh, haha.” 

“All we got is distilled water and tequila. Which’un you want?” The bartender interrupted, though he spoke only to Lucy.

“Uh, I would like to try the tequila. I still have some water leftover and it’ll be fun to try something new.” 

The bartender sucked on his teeth, turned, and left - resenting serving a peppy Vault Dweller and outright refusing to serve the arrogant ghoul seated beside her as though it was a person.

“They don’t much like my kind here, darlin’,” the Ghoul grinned lopsidedly. He tapped his holster with his new forefinger. “I’ll have to get my drink a different way.”

Eyes wide, Lucy nearly stood on the rung of the stool as she shouted to the bartender: “Make that two glasses of tequila, please.” 

The barkeep went still for a brief moment before deciding it wasn’t worth it. He’d seen some weird shit, but if this wasn’t the strangest duo he’d ever served, he’d eat a radroach. He sent the shots sliding down the well-worn wood counter with surprising skill, and they stopped directly in front of Lucy. She nudged one of the grimy glasses toward the Ghoul, who grunted. 

In those old movies, the characters often clinked their glasses together. Excited to perform a toast in a real saloon, Lucy raised her glass toward the Ghoul. Her eyes sparkled so earnestly that the Ghoul briefly considered indulging her. Instead, he tipped the shot glass into his parched mouth, eyes closing in satisfaction.

“Ah,” he hummed. This was nothing like the chems he used to stay sane, and tequila wasn’t his favorite, but damn if it didn’t feel like the alcohol stripped off some of the layers of the past week's shit.

Upon opening his eyes, he was surprised by the mix of amusement and regret in his chest at the way the girl’s face had fallen. It was childishly funny the way he could disappoint her so easily - as though they kept the same standards of behavior - but the pleasure of her disappointment only took the Ghoul so far. 

“Go on, sweetheart,” he goaded, his voice deep and persuasive. “It ain’t top-shelf but it ain’t lizard-piss, either.” 

“I don’t know what either of those mean,” Lucy mumbled as she brought the glass to her lips; she winced as fumes burned her nostrils. Abandoning caution, she threw the clear liquid into her mouth and swallowed as the Ghoul had. The liquid stung as it slid down her throat; her mouth puckered. Fighting the urge to cough, she cleared her throat instead. Lucy refused to let the Ghoul have anything more to bully her about.

Lucy blinked away the wetness in her eyes. The Ghoul was watching her. Lucy couldn’t discern the look in his eye, but it wasn’t one she’d seen before. The Ghoul had made certain of that. 

“That was, um, so good,” she grimaced. But the warmth in her chest and stomach was pleasant. “You want another?”

The Ghoul chuckled, “If you’re buyin’.” 

***

“No, I only meant it as a compliment,” Lucy slurred, blushing furiously. She was only four shots in, but the Ghoul was starting to get concerned that she would throw up on him. Lucy wobbled on her stool. “Really, they’re nice eyes. No, ‘m okey dokey. Wow, this stuff is strong.” She held her hand out in front of her and wiggled her fingers, fascinated by the way her vision seemed to be a half-second beyond reality. 

“Must be. You,” he pointed in her face, “can’t handle your liquor.”

"Hey, it’s my first try," she steadied herself. 

“It’s gon’ be your last if you paint my boots. You look a little green, Vaultie.”

Her big brown eyes refocused on the Ghoul. “Okay, well, distract me. I know you won’t tell me anything about yourself.” 

He tensed. 

“And that’s okay. But I don't even know your name." Lucy threw him a frown, "What if I have to call for you - what am I supposed to say?” 

The Ghoul chewed at the inside of his cheek, tearing away some skin as he considered. He’d had twelve shots. She wasn’t asking anything too revealing; and she had saved his life. And maybe all her “Do Unto Others” bullshit wasn’t bullshit, but he still wasn’t about to crack open like a can of biscuits. The Ghoul gazed down into her doe eyes, then he and the tequila made a decision.

“Cooper,” he answered after safely looking away, his voice rough over the word.

Something scratched at the back of Lucy’s brain. Tipsy as she was, she knew this was important - she did not want to ruin whatever progress they seemed to have made. She nodded and replied politely, “That’s a good name. Cooper.” 

Lucy watched the rainbow of lights as they reflected off the shiny bar. She slid off the stool and leaned over the jukebox, flipping idly through the songs. 

Cooper held his thirteenth shot in his gloved hand as he stared ahead at the blank wall of the now-empty saloon. After they had collectively purchased nearly twenty shots, the bartender had lost all sense of distaste for either of them; he now sat in a chair, dozing, waiting for the Ghoul and the Vault Dweller to ask him for more. 

A gasp came from Cooper’s right. His stool groaned as he turned, and he saw Lucy grinning up at him.

“Look at this song: I Walk the Line. It’s from one of my favorite movies -” 

Cooper's stomach lurched. 

“A Man and His Dog.” Lucy selected the song. “And the main character’s real name was Cooper. Used to watch those old Westerns with - with my dad all the time. The best ones are the ones with him. With Cooper Howard, I mean. He was always the good guy. He never hurt anyone. Well, unless he absolutely had to, of course.” She began to wax poetic about ethics, and her audience of one tuned out. The gruff croon of Johnny Cash filled the otherwise silent building.

Cooper Howard debated whether or not he should tell her the truth. He didn’t know how much she knew about his life as an actor - some of her questions about his family could be answered if she knew about his widely-publicized, definitely-public-record divorce - but seeing her face when she learned that her favorite cowboy movie star was the radiation-ravaged monster sitting beside her would be hilarious.

I keep my eyes wide open all the time

I keep the ends out for the tie that binds

Well, would it be hilarious? Cooper wasn’t so certain anymore. Lucy’s disappointment in him was rapidly losing its luster. Her cowboy had fallen a height that would’ve killed anyone else - had killed almost everyone else. The good man she idolized was dead. He wouldn’t resurrect him just to kill him again in front of Lucy. 

For the second time that afternoon, she pulled him abruptly from a reverie. 

“I wonder what it was like. Everyone in these saloons… with a jukebox playing while you dance with a handsome stranger,” Lucy gazed out at the empty room. “It must’ve been incredible.”

Cooper didn’t correct her about jukeboxes and saloons. Instead, he took his thirteenth shot, allowing it to burn away what was left of his judgment. 

“Well, come on down, darlin’.” He held out his hand - the one that was one-fifth her.

Dubious, distrustful despite their fledgling partnership, Lucy’s eyes darted between his outstretched hand and his dark eyes. This man had cut off her finger less than a week before. He’d tried to sell her. 

But this wasn't a desperate game of cat and mouse, and he no longer believed she was a lying murderer. (That conversation had been a hoot. One of the few times he’d asked her a question, Cooper had wondered what possessed her to cut off Wilzig’s fuckin’ head, and, after she told him Wilzig had left her no choice, she tearfully described the sound of his spine severing and nearly vomited. The Ghoul had laughed.) She was here of her own choice. Lucy chose to follow the Ghoul - Cooper - into the Wilds and the Wasteland. She trusted him now, and he her.

“It’s alright, Vaultie. Y’know I won’t bite,” he drawled with a smirk. “Of the two’ve us, which one has bitten the other?” 

“Wh-?” Lucy started to ask, then decided better of it. Cooper had given her his name and his trust. He had been as kind as summer by Wasteland standards, and she would be damned if her manners were the poor ones. She took his hand.

As sure as night is dark and day is light

I keep you on my mind both day and night

The room was spinning, and Lucy wasn’t sure if the blame should be placed on the tequila or the Ghoul who held her so gently. This was a far cry from the lasso he’d thrown around her last week. She opened her mouth, fully intent on telling him See, the Golden Rule is golden for a reason. But when his hand slid slowly from the curve of her waist to the small of her back, she found that the words were missing. 

He guided them in a small, slow circle. Cooper’s chest was pressed up against her own, and it was though his centuries-deep layers of leather and cotton, and her pristine, thick Vault-Tec suit were non-existent. The vulnerability set his teeth on edge, but it relaxed Lucy. She let the music, the alcohol, and the Ghoul take her. Uncharacteristically shy, and somewhat nauseous, she laid her head on his shoulder. 

Cooper hummed along with Johnny Cash, letting himself feel a modicum of peace in this improbable, inexplicable bubble. He could feel Lucy’s heart beating rapidly beneath her garish suit. His own heart felt like the tattoo of a horse’s hooves. Cooper’s jaw tensed as he wondered how she’d feel to know that. He found himself hoping. 

Hope and contentment were as foreign to him as a nose and hair, now. Yet he felt the gnaw of yearning. Lucy was a reflection and a time machine. Maybe that cowboy - the one who deserved both hope and contentment - could live again. 

And happiness I've known proves that it's right

Because you're mine, I walk the line.

[romanticizingmurder]

One of the things that comes up a lot in meta on the vampire chronicles is trying to delineate between "this is being treated as a kink fantasy", "this is fictional trauma beinf sexualized", and "this is being treated like real trauma would be" and I think the interesting and almost unique to itself aspect of TVC is that...it's almost always all of the above.

I've been thinking about David and Lestat's respective turnings lately and what strikes me about both is how they don't really neatly line up into "portrayal of horrific trauma", "rape fantasy", or even "cnc fantasy" (hear me out, we'll get there), but are an uneasy mixture of all of them at the same time.

Disclaimer: I am going to be talking about rape in a fictional story both as a traumatic violence and as a fantasy. I am coming at this from the point of view of someone who enjoys kinks, including nonconsent in fiction, and who is a real life survivor.

Using David's turning because most of the discussion around it is neatly in the same one or two places, we see it treated as all of these things in turn.

Lestat undeniably rapes David. That is not only the implication from blood drinking as a metaphor for sexual desire, but explicitly the language used:

There are scenes of genuine anguish after the assault:

At the same time, the scene is, at least in my opinion, pretty sexualized! We linger in descriptions of David's body, of Lestat's pleasure in this monstrous deed.

And if this was all there was to it, I'd feel pretty comfortable putting this (and the many situations which mirror it in TVC) as a dead dove sort of situation. It's erotic horror, and this is both erotic and horrifying. What else did you expect?

And yet.

Let me make a relevant digression:

Up until 2012, when new research started coming out, the most popular theory for why rape fantasies are so prevalent among women was something called sexual blame avoidance. The idea being that women's sexuality and desires are so shamed by society as a whole that fantasies wherein they are forced allow them a guiltless way of experiencing desire.

This actually appears to not be the case for most people with these fantasies, but it certainly still is for many, and, possibly more relevantly: when these books were written, this would have been The theory on rape fantasies. That rape fantasies are a manifestation of desires that one feels ashamed of, so the fantasy of being forced removes one's agency and thus blame.

And here is David, having been raped by Lestat, saying he really did want it, he just couldn't allow himself to want it.

David had a desire he felt shame for desiring, and Lestat took away that shame by forcibly acting upon it.

It's easy to read this as simply rape apologism, and I can't stop anyone from reading it that way. And I don't and can't really know what Anne was thinking in this or in any number of other scenes that encompass erotica and horror and the comfort of fantasy all at once.

All I can do is say that the first thing I thought of when reading David's speech was how it felt directly lifted from any number of conversations I've had with other survivors on the appeal of cnc scenes. All I know is how I felt reading this and any number of other scenes in this series, which was: oh, finally someone understands what the fantasy is about.

But I think what trips people with that is that these stories aren't "just" short or erotica without weight. These are long stories with character development and emotional weight and real explorations of trauma. And I don't think that's inaccurate! I think they are that. I think these are, at least to me, also long explorations of kink fantasies and how the dynamics of those fantasies, removed from the need for consent and risk awareness of the real world.

Lestat can rape David and it can be something traumatic, something erotic, and something he ended up believing he wanted, because it's not one or the other in this universe. It can be an exporation of cycles of trauma, erotic horror, and long form kink fantasies written with real emotion, all at once. We don't have to choose just one - and I don't think Anne did, either.

[kuni-is-daddy]

Ive been reading a lot of yan!scara fics but i was thinking.. how would scara be with a yandere s/o???

Boss! Scaramouche X yandere Assistant/Bodyguard reader PART 2?

OoF. that made my brain stop while i was just 'struggling' writing something anon. U CURED MY WRITERS BLOCK.

where we last left off in the "boss scara series" you confessed to him and made the first move. the both of you began to truly cling onto eachother. but what if y/n finally shows their obsessive behavior..

Scara ranting to childe :((

CAPI'S NOTE: IM TRAUMATIZED. PART 1 GOT A COMMUNITY LABEL :/ now I have to be a little nice in the smut parts. Any advice on how to avoid it is appreciated :)

AM I FREAKING OUT FOR NO REASON? GN😭❌ ITS 12:13AM

BOSS! SCARA. PART1

Part3!

AMAZING ART

Scara masterlist

WORDS 1.2K

MINORS DO. NOT. INTERACT.❌❌❌

Sparring:

i feel like reader would start acting a bit creepy, Like for example Scara would usually just have you wait outside the building for him to come back from changing his attire back into his suit after you two 'spar' but reader insisted to wait for him 'outside the changing room' Scara thought you we're trying to act like a tease as usual and say things around 'hmm? You wanna see more my pet?' or even down right have you suck him off in his personal changing room. When it comes to sparring your always giving him such praise for his strength, its not everyday or..at all. where someone can surpass you of all people. but you just couldnt EVER wrap your head around him~ "Your so strong master~ I never expect anyless from you" You'd both usually spar for around 5+ rounds but scara started to feel..Different about it.

Fighting/Missions:

"Tsk. Another boring ass day coming to aclose.." He'd say while turning off his favorite song, bohemian rhapsody. He adjusts his tie while opening the door to see you with a big smile on your face. With his already needed paperwork you got from his 'bestie' childe. "The fuck is all this?" "Its your paperwork for the week master~ I already filled it all out for you and childe helped me-" He snatched it away from you." "Alright shit..You dont have to act like such a fucking nerd y/n."

The both of you walked through narukami island, through the outskirts to inazuma city while a bunch of nobushi tried to ambush you. With one swift draw of your weapon you murdered them all in one blow. Scara barely shifted his eyes away from his paper. Only to see your bloodthirsty smile as the nobushi rogue samurai began to cough up blood. He was use to seeing and experiencing reactions like this due to him always being around childe when they train within the abyss. But you. Something was off about you lately.

Scara would purposely drag you into the abyss when its usually just him and childe. He whispered to childe, pointed at a group of abyss creatures and said that they 'are after him' and the both of them would watch as you rabidly charged at his 'enemys' like a dog. Blood splatters all over your suit as you laughed at their pathetic attempts to try and get a free hit at you.

Childe

"Hey comrad! How are ya' today?" The ginger said while sitting next to you in the hallway waiting room. "IM great childe! Me and kuni went out to eat today and it was so much fun. Have you seen the way he fights childe? The way he pulls out his katana..." You daydreamed and ranted off about scaramouche to childe. The both of you shared the same bloodthirsty perspective, Weather over your s/o or just in general. But little did you know he put on a happy face infront of you. Scara asked him to 'spy' on you and ask about what the two of you did today and hear your reaction.

---

"Childe something is up with y/n. I dont know why the fuck they keep acting like that."

"Like what? Dont you usually have the same type of attitude scara.. Dont you Like that?"

"Ugh. I knew talking to you was going to be pointless. Childe, I dont know who is more of a fucking burden. You or Y/N."

Then they suddenly heard you knocking on the door. "Kuni!! Are you in their kuni!"

"the fuck-" Scara said under his breath. He halfly opened the door as childe kept quiet.

"Mmm~ master there you are.. I was hoping you could help me with my sparing tonight." You began to open the door farther and push at his tie. "No. im fucking busy." He removed your hand. "Kuni..But your always busy. And didnt i already help you finish your work today?" He sighed at your perseverance. "Y/n. One day im gonna fucking fire you if you keep pissing me off. And the fuck has been up with you lately?" "N-Nothings wrong kuni! I-im sorry. I just wanted to spend more time with you.." That was all you needed to hear to severely apologize for bothering him and went 'home'

"Well shit. Comrad ill leave this up too you :D -" the ginger patted the short mans shoulder and walked towards the door.

"where the fuck are you going?"

"Im going home-"

He looked at childe with a dead expression.

"Hey listen. If this is really a problem to you, Just get rid of y/n. Your stronger then them right? Problem solved."

"Im not going to fucking kill them."

--

Y'all do it 🤪

scara would obviously feel some sort of way about your sudden change in behavior But be entertained at this 'game' he'd play with you. You came off so sweet and well put together. you would apologize and blush at the littlest of things but now you we're addicted to him. You murdered with no hesitation, Every thought you had was about him. You'd send nude pictures of yourself, Even videos to him while he was at meetings of you fingering yourself. But it was nothing he couldnt handle. He knew how to always put you in your place, He already surpassed you in everyway. He was stronger then you and certainly had you wrapped around his finger. He threatened to fire you hundreds of times just to see how fucking scared and how'd much you beg but never did fire you unlike everyone else, Yet every single time your heart would skip a beat at the word. Leaving kuni was something you never wanted to happen. Ever. Kuni concluded that he'd have fun with you for as long as he wanted. He knew dam well you weren't going anywhere unless he chose.

his phone rang.

"What?" Scara answered in annoyance.

"K~kuni i~" He was greeted to the sound of you moaning "im- F-fuck~ Im s' sorry for earlier. Can i be your good pet and make it up for you daddy? Im waiting for you at home"

Scara went to his penthouse and when he opened the door to his room, while taking off his tie. You we're putting on a show for him, face down ass up with 2 of your fingers going back and forth inside your wet hole. "Kuni~ your home....P-please~ I want you inside of me~" "Oh yeah? Is my little slut that desperate f' me?" He took no time taking off his belt and shoving his pants aside to stuff his cock inside of you.

[iamvegorott]

Magicians Don't Need Superheros Pt31

First: Link Prev: Link Next: Link

----------

Marvin sat in what was now his usual chair in the library, legs crossed and watching the door. If Jackie’s assumption about Mad were true, then he’d be walking into the room any second. He had asked Jackie about other abilities Mad possessed, seeing what he knew about those ‘empathetic powers’ and he learned something very interesting. 

“Oh! Hi, Marvin.” Mad greeted when he opened the door and found Marvin looking at him. “Are we studying together again? The books, not you.” He said the last part quickly. 

“You can remove emotions?” Marvin asked bluntly. 

“I…well…yeah?” Mad wasn’t expecting this to be the first conversation with Marvin today. “I can increase and decrease emotions when they’re presenting. Regardless of how much of it is there. Just a fraction is enough for me to hold and adjust the dial.” 

“So when you said you could help Jackie with his fear?”

“I could literally turn it off.” 

“I can see why Mare told you to not use that ability.” Marvin sighed. 

“Yep.” Mad awkwardly popped the p. 

“Have you used that ability before?”

“Couple of times. When I was in danger and to myself after I first appeared.” 

“You can do it to yourself?” Marvin watched as Mad hummed and sat himself in the other chair.

“When I first appeared, I didn’t have any control over my abilities. I could feel every emotion of every single living being within a thousand miles. It was a lot. Joy, sorrow, fear, love, lust, everything that anything could feel, I felt. When I say I’m empathetic, I mean it to its fullest definition. If someone is sad around me, I become sad. So I was experiencing the most severe emotional whiplash that no other being could ever have and I turned them off so I could breathe.” Mad seemed so casual while talking about something most would see as severely traumatic. Marvin noticed how Mad’s eyes had turned to a dark purple while he spoke. “I couldn’t only handle that emptiness for a day and had to slowly bring my emotions back. But I’ve gotten a lot more control over the past year. There’s still always a mild buzzing of other emotions but I’ve narrowed it down to only within the same building and I don’t fully read emotions unless I’m focused.” 

“That sounds so overwhelming to deal with.” Marvin chewed the inside of his cheek. 

“It can be, but, like I said, I’m getting better,” Mad said with a proud smile, the purple in his eyes brightening. 

“Now I feel a little bad wanting to ask you for a favor after all that.” Marvin weakly chuckled.

“Don’t feel bad. It doesn’t bother me that much to talk about that time, I’ve done my work to understand the pain and now it’s just a part of my story. I’m happy now with the chaotic family that I have and that’s what matters.” Mad’s eyes shifted into a soft yellow, almost cat-like in hue.

“With that chipper attitude, you sound like you’re related to Jackie.” Marvin’s chuckle was stronger this time, relaxing when Mad showed no sign of being upset. 

“If I was related to a Septiceye, most would say it’d be Anti.” Mad laughed. 

“Oh God, I hope not. One of him is enough to deal with.”

“Anti’s not that bad. He’s really fun and nice once you get to know him.”

“I’m good.” 

“You’ll get it eventually.” Mad shrugged when Marvin only hummed at him. “What did you want, by the way? You mentioned needing a favor from me?” 

“Do you have a library at your place?” Marvin was happy to change the subject.

“Yes. Sadly, it’s not as large as yours or the Iplier’s, but it is a nice one.”

“And Mare and Phantom use chaos magic?”

“Yep!”

“Does this library of yours have books about chaos magic like my magic books?”

“Yes, it does.” 

“What would I need to do to be allowed to look at those books?” 

“You’re letting me look at your books, it’s only fair you can look at mine.” Mad stood up and pulled his phone out. 

“That was easier than I thought it’d be,” Marvin admitted out loud. 

“Hello?” Mare’s voice came out of Mad’s phone, a glance at the screen showed that it was on speakerphone and the contact photo was of Mare sticking his tongue out. 

“Can you send me and Marvin to the house?” Mad asked.

“You and Marvin? What does he want to do here?” 

“I want to show him the library.” There was a pause. “I’ll make you one of my fancy coffees~” Mad sang his promise and he grinned when Mare sighed.

“Fine. Just don’t let him destroy anything.” 

“I take offense to that,” Marvin said and blinked at the purple smoke bellowing out of the phone.

The smoke wrapped around their feet, legs, and stomachs, going further and further up their bodies until they were fully engulfed. Marvin was unsure if he should breathe, so he held the air in his lungs until he blinked again and found himself in a brand-new room. A quick look around gave away that it was the living room with the pictures of Mad, Mare, Phantom, and Blank hanging on the walls. 

“Hi!” Blank greeted from the couch, a Switch in his lap and music coming from the console. “What are you doing here?” 

“He’s checking out the library,” Mad answered as he went out of the room. 

“Yeah. Library.” Marvin spoke with his hands before clapping, popping his lips, and escaping by following Mad. He really needed to work on not being so awkward around children and still found himself wishing Robbie and Blank stayed at older ages more often than not. 

“Just the library, right?” Mare asked, leaning back against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed.

“Yes, just the library.” Mad went straight to the fridge and started pulling out sugary syrups and coffee creamers. “Do you want a coffee?” He asked Marvin. 

“If you don’t mind.” Marvin smiled and stood at the other side of the room. He did prefer tea, but seeing everything that Mad was getting out had him curious about his take on it. 

“You’re back already?” Phantom said as he came into the kitchen and then noticed Marvin. “Sup?”

“Mad’s showing me the library but he’s making some coffee first,” Marvin explained. 

“Mare’s letting you make another coffee? You had three this morning.” Phantom laughed, going into the fridge and pulling out a packet of cheese, putting himself next to Marvin. 

“You had three?” Mare looked at Mad.

“You weren’t supposed to tell him that,” Mad said to Phantom through gritted teeth.

“Whoops.” Phantom opened the cheese and started eating the shredded bits like popcorn. 

“You’re not having more coffee, you’re not going to sleep tonight at this rate.” Mare picked up one of the creamers.

“The pot is already brewing, it’d be a waste of coffee.” Mad snatched the creamer back.

“We can afford it.” Mare had the creamer again. 

“I’m making it for Marvin, we can’t be rude to our guest.” Mad grabbed the creamer but didn’t get it out of Mare’s hand, the two now holding the bottle together. 

“You don’t need more coffee.”

“I’ve only had three cups.”

“Your cups are massive mugs, it’s more like six.”

“Don’t use math against me.”

“I feel like I shouldn’t be watching this,” Marvin said.

“This is how they flirt,” Phantom stated, holding the bag of cheese toward Marvin. 

“We’re not flirting!” Mare and Mad both snapped.

“Arguing is how Chase and Henrik got together.” Marvin grabbed himself a handful of the cheese. 

“Chase and Henrik finally got together? That explains the emotional shift between them. It’ll be nice to have some less denial in the room the next time we’re all together.” Mad said. 

“Less denial?” Marvin asked. 

“Like Mare’s-ow!” Phantom’s comment was cut short by a shot of what looked like purple sparks hitting him. “The hell, Mare!?” 

“I know what you’re going to say and you’re not going to say it.” Mare threatened. 

“What? That you totally want to fu-damn it!” Phantom cursed when he was shocked again. “Cut it out!”

“You cut it first!” 

“Those two are definitely brothers,” Marvin muttered, pouring his handful of cheese into his mouth while Mad just casually made the coffee drinks while Mare and Phantom continued their bickering. 

[fushiglow]

Is it true that Suguru Geto contracted depression?

While I don't think it explains everything, I absolutely think it's fair to say that Getō was depressed in the wake of the Star Plasma Vessel mission. Aside from his physical symptoms, Getō is shown to ruminate over past events, immersing himself in negative thoughts.

It's clear that the events of the Star Plasma Vessel mission were extremely traumatic for Getō and it's unsurprising that a teenager would develop mental health struggles after what he experienced — especially without support. Of course, as a sorcerer, Getō was facing traumatic events on a daily basis and expected to manage it alone.

In one of my favourite pieces of Jujutsu Kaisen media, The Resurrection Puppet, Gojō discusses this very issue with Nanami:

"Ultimately, handling curses is about handling negative human emotions. It involves a lot of depressing work. [...] Even if you get used to this line of work, it doesn't feel good. Makes me wanna get drunk. [...] You know how to shut stuff out when necessary, but you're not totally immune to it. Adults have ways of relieving the friction that creates. Like alcohol, the wonder drug." [...] The world was an unfair place. Human ill will bred curses. All people, not just sorcerers, were capable of steeping themselves in bitterness, giving up, and drowning in lost hopes. Nanami knew that. And Gojō knew that Nanami was a man with such a past. "We have ways of removing the poison that has circulated to our hearts," Gojō said. "The young don't have that skill. They're too sensitive. At least once, the poison will break their hearts." "I suppose it's the adults' job to handle the poison that affects the young. As a teacher, you understand that, right?" "Yes, I do. That's why I came to talk to you."

It's hard to read this passage from the light novel without assuming that Gojō and Nanami are indirectly discussing Getō — especially considering the fact that Gojō is asking Nanami to take care of another teenager who swallows down "curses" in the form of Sukuna's fingers, holding all that negativity at the core of their being.

Because of his technique, Getō swallows down negative emotions in the form of curses day in day out, even describing their unbearable taste. That's why I've always wondered if it's possible that Getō was uniquely affected by the "poison" Gojō describes, exactly the same as he worries Itadori is particularly vulnerable to it.

That's why he approaches Nanami specifically, saying, "I need someone who understands the suffering people go through. Someone like you." Importantly, Gojō only asks Nanami to look out for Itadori because he's concerned he won't be able to "give him the necessary spiritual guidance" himself due to his busy schedule. I think it's very telling that he seeks the support of someone who also saw Getō's spiral firsthand.

According to Gege Akutami, Nanami "couldn't bring himself to blame" Getō after he left. We know that he was deeply affected by Haibara's death and I often wonder if Nanami would have fallen to a darker path if he hadn't seen what that looked like through Getō's example. Similarly, it was only because of Getō's word that Gojō didn't murder an entire auditorium of non-sorcerers after Riko's death. Though he didn't know it at the time, Getō preserved Gojō's bright future at the expense of his own in that moment.

Gojō and Nanami's conversation in The Resurrection Puppet is bittersweet (something the characters play on by ordering sugary cocktails to balance out the bitter subject matter) because they weren't qualified to help Getō when he was struggling, simply because they were teenagers facing the exact same trauma. It shouldn't have been their responsibility in the first place — a lesson they've learned as adults, but only through losing their counterparts to their line of work as teenagers.

So, yes. I think Getō was depressed and I think it's an unfortunately common condition among sorcerers — it's no coincidence that so many of them are heavy drinkers!

Like I said, I don't think depression explains all of Getō's behaviour, especially post-defection. I wouldn't want to attempt to "diagnose" him after that point, but it's my view that Getō lost his grip on reality to some degree. I don't think anyone could carry out his actions without some level of mental disconnect from them. Akutami says that Getō has been telling himself he hates non-sorcerers since school and I think he succeeded in convincing himself. Still, I wonder why it was necessary to convince himself in the first place...

That's just speculation though. Whatever the reason, Getō's story is a deeply sad one that we can all learn from in the real world. I think we should be able to condemn the path that someone chooses while recognising the suffering that led them to it. If we don't learn to prevent the latter, we'll never be able to prevent the former — and that's one of my most firmly held beliefs.

By the way, it's definitely worth listening to the audio drama of The Resurrection Doll if you haven't already heard it! Thank you for the question and apologies for taking so long to answer! 🖤

[edisacornball]

What made you fall in love with writing Ed/Noah?

I know you sent in this question forever ago and I've just been going through too many things to deal with my inbox lately, but I was babbling about this ship the other day to my husband because he was talking about how he had never really given it any thought until I apparently "made it adorable in Other Side," so I figured I might as well write those thoughts down, since this ship is on my mind after working on that drawing of the two of them dancing.

So I'll start by saying: I didn't really go into Other Side as a Noah/Ed shipper. I mostly just knew that going to the BH world would make 03 Ed have to deal with letting a lot more people in, which is something he struggles with more than BH Ed, so I figured I could play with that push and pull by adding in Noah as another layer to show that he struggles with letting people in. And then, as I wrote it, it just... struck me how these two fit together so well.

03 Ed has so freaking much trauma. I would honestly go as far as to say that he's more traumatized than BH Ed. The guy's died a couple times, after all. The 03 series as a whole is a lot darker and really dives into some traumatic shit for poor 03 Ed. But it's the sort of trauma where it gets nearly impossible to talk about. How do you even talk to someone about how you saw your brother become the living embodiment of a philosopher's stone? Or how about how you had to kill a being that maybe just wore the face of your mother, or maybe actually was your mother, who really knows because you didn't let her live long enough to find out? How can anyone even relate to the idea of "I died a couple times in a row and ended up stuck in another world where everyone looks like people I once loved, but they don't even speak the same language as me?" There just comes this particular point with trauma where it starts getting so hard for other people to even relate.

But Noah can be one of the few people ever who actually gets the trauma Ed's been through. Because she's able to experience it right alongside him via his memories. Even Al can't get that close, even though he's one of the very few people who will actually get a lot of what Ed's experienced. She can even understand the things that are too hard for him to explain, and he can know that she actually believes him, because why wouldn't she?

And meanwhile, on Noah's end, she's had to face this terrible double whammy of being Roma and also cursed with this supernatural power that a lot of Roma people would have seen as some sort of marking from the devil. And even if people can accept the power conceptually, most people aren't comfortable with the idea of not having any secrets with someone. People hate mind-readers. Poor Noah has had to go through a whole lifetime of everyone around her hating her for things she can't control, whether that's her powers or the color of her skin.

And then along comes Ed, the guy who's seen so freaking much shit that he can't even think of rejecting someone for such a petty reason as that they can read his mind. I think he probably wouldn't even expect anyone to stick around after seeing into his memories, so he doesn't see any point to keeping secrets when it's inevitable that someone would eventually end up getting scared and leave him. So he doesn't flinch away from Noah, because he doesn't even see it as possible that she could ever be scarier than him. And then she surprises him by not leaving. She sees all the darkness and suffering in his past and she also doesn't flinch. Because she's seen into the hearts of people who are so much worse, who have caused so much pain without any regard. She doesn't see Ed as the monster he sees himself as, because she's actually seen what the minds of monsters actually look like, and she knows he's not one of them.

They just... AGH, THEM. ❤️😍🥹 I have a lot of feelings. But there's something about each of their traumas that comes together so freaking perfectly so that they can each support one another so beautifully, and I freaking love it. It constantly reminds me of this one set of lines from Roger and Mimi in Rent:

"I've been trying, I'm not lying. No one's perfect, I've got baggage!"

"Life's too short babe, time is flying, I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine."

(Do I use Roger and Mimi regularly as inspiration for Ed and Noah? ...Maybe.)

[hyperbolicreverie]

A bit of a meta for the birthday boy, because it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while:

I think, when talking about Law’s characterization, especially in regards to arguments that he’s secretly (or not-so secretly, your mileage may vary) a big softie, one interaction that I don’t see getting talked about too often is the fact that, when the fight with Doflamingo is all said and done, he goes back and saves Bellamy.

Now, Law does seem to have a habit of just…saving people, sometimes counter to what seems like conventional logic at the time—him showing up at Marineford to yoink Luffy and Jinbei out of there is kind of a perfect example of that. And if you want to be as objective about those situations as possible, you could say that every other time he rescues someone, it’s purely a strategic choice. (Once we get to Wano and the rooftop fight the narrative seems to give him a little more explicit emotional investment in his reasoning, so you can make an argument either way, I think).

But…Bellamy.

Bellamy, who Law has every reason to be pretty damn pissed at,  given his role in distracting Luffy from getting back to the rooftop fight with Doflamingo (even if it was largely his sassy, shit-talking mouth and the fraught emotions being thrown around that made that fight escalate so fast). Even if he was feeling unusually charitable, there’s no angle where saving Bellamy is beneficial to him. Heck, even Bellamy is confused as to why Law saved him. He claims it’s because Luffy called him a friend, but when pressed, he gets defensive really fast.

But here’s the thing. Luffy would never have expected Law to go out of his way to pull Bellamy out of the rubble. Luffy clearly didn’t want their fight to end the way it did, but he’s always owned his own decisions, and Bellamy had made it clear that there was only one way he was going to stop fighting. And eventually, Luffy had to respect that. Nor was he--to our knowledge, anyway—awake at any point after the fight with Doflamingo to ask anyone to make sure Bellamy was okay.

And yet, we have Law—Law, who has multiple gunshot wounds to his torso, recently had his arm reattached after experiencing traumatic dismemberment, who is so exhausted he had to cut into his lifespan just to keep going, and who is experiencing one of the most emotional periods of his already incredibly fucked up life—going out of his way to grab Bellamy. And I do mean, ‘out of his way:’ Bellamy was left underneath the palace, and by the time the fight ended, Law is who knows how far away in the middle of the city. He had to make an effort to get all the way back to the palace, grab Bellamy, and bring him to Kyros’ cabin. (And then arguably take care of everyone’s wounds on account of probably being the only person in that cabin with medical knowledge and hey, why do so many people think he has no stamina? Because he seems more like the damn Energizer Bunny to me).

You could make the argument that Bellamy needed to be left alive for something later on down the line—and it’s One Piece, so that is an entirely reasonable train of thought—but based on the cover stories we know that Bellamy has retired from piracy to become a dyer. There aren’t a lot of avenues I can see where he becomes a critical piece in the story again. Show up? Sure, we love cameos. But to be necessary? I’m not sure.

We, as the audience, get to see Bellamy go through the full process of his disillusionment with Doflamingo during the events of Dressrosa. And I don’t think it’s a stretch at all to argue that that is something Law knows very well. Once upon a time, he hung his hat on Doflamingo to try and get where he wanted, and that turned out very badly, and here is this man going through what probably looks like a very similar process. Their circumstances are very different, but there's a solid throughline there. And maybe that really had nothing to do with it at all, and Law really is just a softhearted person with a prickly outer shell, but it's an interesting parallel to think about.

So yeah. Law’s motivations, as they have been for most of his general existence outside of Dressrosa, are a mystery here. And I think this is what makes him such a fascinating character, because more than most characters in the series, you can’t really take his words for what they are. You have to watch what he actually does. And what we see him doing is griping and moaning about all sorts of things, and then doing them anyway. Every single time he’s asked to help someone, he complains—but at no point does he actually not help. We see it with Bellamy, and we see it with his intentions to get the Scabbards to safety even before Luffy asks, and even with the kids on Punk Hazard, who he did in fact help when all was said and done—and from the sound of it, made it as easy a process as possible, given some of them say the process was kind of fun. (But Law and his intimate knowledge of how terrifying doctors and medicine can be for little kids is a conversation for another time).

Is he the nicest guy? No, definitely not. He's kind of an asshole, and abrasive, ruthless and calculating, and regardless of how well-founded or not his actual reputation is, he definitely still plays it up a little bit. (But then, everyone gets to be at least a bit of an asshole in One Piece, and I love that for the characters. I don't want paragons of heroics, I want people).

But he's also the guy who goes out of his way to save people. And even if he doesn't seem to know how to admit to any sort of altruism, or view it as a particular good trait in and of itself, and even if he's garbage at accepting honest thanks for his help, it keeps happening.

Is it still impossible to predict what he's going to be doing in the future, now that he's not constantly around anymore? Yeah. But a lot of people wouldn't be around right now if it weren't for him, and I don't think they'll be forgetting that anytime soon.

(Even if Law might wish they would).

[holylulusworld]

Praise you like I should - Kinktober 30

Summary: Sam was there. Just in time.

Pairing: Sam Wilson x fem!Reader

Kink: Praise kink & dirty talk

Warnings: angst, mentions of explosions/characters death, dirty talk, Sam has a praise kink, implied smut, fluff

A/N: This ended up having more plot than expected. Maybe I’ll write more about their backstory one day…

A/N2: idea by anon

Words: 1,3 k

Kinktober 2022

Two years earlier, … 

“OH MY GOD! Thank you so much,” you sniff as Sam Wilson, Captain America himself carries you out of the burning building. “I thought no one can hear me. The fire, the heat, and the smoke were everywhere.”

“I’ve got you, miss,” Sam says in a calming and almost soft voice. “I heard you. You’re safe now.” You hide your face in his shoulder, nodding. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“I-I was working at my office. It was almost time for a lunch break, so I left my desk for like five minutes to ask my colleague if they want to order food too,” you cough, and take a deep breath before you continue. “She already ordered food, of course, she did. Shit, I shouldn’t talk bad about people in such a situation.”

“It’s alright, miss. People tend to talk a lot, or not talk at all after a traumatic experience. You can talk as much as you want to.”

“You’re very kind, and strong…and attractive. Fuck, I babbled again,” you bite your tongue, silently telling yourself to finally shut up. “Sorry. You wanted to know what happened. I went back to my office to order food. The delivery service said it will take half an hour to deliver my order. I worked a little, and answered a few emails.”

“Go on,” Sam encourages you. He still carries you, while walking toward his partner. The guy you only know from what you heard on the news. Bucky Barnes, the former winter soldier. Now the partner of the new captain. “I need to know everything you remember.”

“Okay. I wanted to write another report when I heard a loud noise. It sounded like an explosion. You know, like in the movies when a car explodes or something. Does this make sense?”

“It does,” Sam’s partner nods. “Looks like the most damage got done to the higher levels. I guess they wanted to kill the boss.”

“Wait! This was not an accident,” you gasp. “I-why would anyone want to kill my boss? This doesn’t make sense at all. He’s a nice guy, and never harmed anyone.”

“Sam, we were right,” Bucky continues, “with everything. Let’s get out of here. The rest is up to the FBI and firefighters. There is nothing else we can do, Sam. If we tell them about our suspicions, more people will die.”

“People will die,” you whimper. “Oh no. How many people died? I didn’t even ask. I was so selfish and only happy that you saved me. I’m sorry.”

“Miss, I saved you as you needed my help. There is nothing to be sorry for,” Bucky huffs as Sam jerks his head toward their car. “I know this is a lot to take in, but I think it’s for the best when you come with us for now.”

“Uh-if you say so.”

You can’t say no to your savior. If Captain America believes you should follow him, it must be important. “Sam, do you think it’s smart to take her with us?”

“James, you know why I must take her with us,” you don’t see the look Sam gives his partner. “I need to be sure we get a few more information.”

“Thank you,” you take the tea Sam offers to you. “And thank you for saving me again, captain.”

“Just Sam,” he softly says. “We need to talk some more about what happened. I know you experienced something dramatic today. I guess you have questions too.”

“You can call me Y/N,” whispering your name you look at the tea in your hands. “Your friend didn’t answer my question earlier. How many people died today, Sam.”

“Y/N, maybe we should talk about what happened after you heard the explosion. Can you tell me anything else? Did you see someone?”

“Sam, you are avoiding answering my question. I’m not some superhero, but I know you are trying to hide things from me. I went through hell today. There was an explosion, and then something sounded like gunfire. I could feel the heat of the fire get closer and believed I’m going to die. So please, do not lie to me.”

“You already heard that there was an explosion at the top level of the building. What you don’t know is that the building was under attack. No one but you and the janitor made it out alive. They went from room to room and shot everyone they found.”

“You see, we are asking ourselves how you survived long enough to call for help,” Bucky crosses his arms over his chest. “Are you with Hydra, Y/N?”

“Hydra?” you splutter. “Like Hydra, Hydra. Do you mean the organization infiltrating shield and such? I thought they are long gone.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” huffing you look at Sam as his partner seems to interrogate you.

“Is that why you brought me here? First, you save me, and then you bring me here to interrogate me.”

“Y/N, we only want to understand what happened today.”

“I don’t know,” you jump up, dropping the cup of tea. “I went to work like every day,” you sniffle. “After I heard the explosion and loud noises I grabbed my phone and raced toward the copy room. I locked the room, hid behind the copier, and tried to call the cops. After a while, the noises stopped, and then, the heat and smoke got worse. I screamed and…”

“I found you,” crouching down you pick the cup up. “Y/N, I believe you, but you have to admit, it’s…odd that only you survived.”

“You said the janitor made it out too.”

“He’s in the intensive care unit and they don’t think he’ll make it, Y/N. Sam doesn’t want to scare you, but you should know, you are wanted now. Everyone at your company was meant to die today. We brought you here to keep you safe.”

“I-I’m a goddamn bookkeeper,” you huff. “Why would anyone want to kill me, Sam? This doesn’t make sense. You are not making sense.”

“Hey, hey,” Sam brings you into his arms to shush you. “I promise we will find out what this is all about. For tonight, you should stay here. With me.”

Now, …

“Hey there handsome,” you chuckle as your boyfriend makes his way inside your shared bedroom. “How was the mission, babe?”

“Top secret, but we all came back unharmed and alive,” Sam flashes you a smile. He dries his upper body with a towel as you sit on your bed, cross-legged.

“I can see that sexy captain,” he laughs as you watch him run the towel over his arms. “You know that you are the most handsome man I ever invited to my bedroom right?”

“I hope so,” Sam hides it well, but a shudder runs through his body at your praise. “You are the most beautiful woman I ever invited to my bedroom, miss.”

“I mean it, Sam,” you roll onto your belly to get a better look at your boyfriend’s cock when he drops the towel covering his hips and crotch to the ground. “Look at my man. Hot, smart, and a perfect lover.”

Sam licks his lips. He can already feel his cock twitch as you keep on showering him with praises. “You know, if you keep on talking like that, I might have to rip that nightgown off of your sexy body.”

“What else will you do, captain,” you seductively look at your boyfriend. “I bet you want to do dirty things to me.”

“I will rip your nightgown down your body. Then I’ll have my way with you in any position. Your tight little cunt will be sore by morning,” he flashes you a smile. “I will fuck you deep and good. Maybe I’ll even cum all over your body to mark you.”

“I bet you will fuck me so good. You always do. You’re such a good boyfriend, always putting me first. In any way. How about you come over here and I’ll salute for you, captain…”

Tags in reblog.

[bilolli]

Hi, me again lmao 👁️👁️ Thank you for answering to my ramblings, have more

By erasing memories I meant like actual staff erasing it so they don't have triggers from past patients, like if you know psychopaths are pretty cool doctors/cops/any other job that involves human's emotions or traumatic shit for normal person because they don't have any emotions. So technically it would be logical for William to program bots to be the same but if it's important for the story then nevermind, it's just a thought of mine!

Also about boys having conflicted feelings: we can make it even better! Y/N has conflicted feelings as well because Sun and Moon are caretakers, it's their job to take about y/n. So y/n just thinking like "Could everything that they did be just because of their job?" "Maybe they were so nice to me just because they have to" etc etc ;)

Another little things, just ideas(don't have to be in your main story, just thoughts about your main setting):

You said that Sun and Moon are allowed to go wherever they want but I don't really think that they can just live y'know? And I was just thinking about them actually secretly dreaming about experiencing very simple things, that they can't do on their own because they need to look after patients.

Y/N is already healthy for a long long period but pretends to be sick so they can stay with boys? Like yeah, they can leave the hospital and just visit them sometimes but it's just not the same...

Thank you for answering again, I'm really into this au and really want to see how it will turn out!! <33

Yey more ramblings!

Answers under the cut because I can't seem to be able to write a small post.

Normal staff is unable to erase the animatronics memories because it requires a lot of knowledge about programming (obviously) and even some access passwords that only the directors of the hospitals know (William and Micheal in this case) The directors are the one who decide how to use and what must be done to the animatronics. 

Under William's directions, animatronics were periodically reset to better manage their memory and to erase private data after a patient was released. This was obviously just an excuse used for the public. He actually did that to erase every possible proof of his crimes.

Micheal, on the other hand, doesn't do that because he doesn't have anything to hide and thinks that having any previous data about certain events/illnesses could save someone's life, even if it's not actually in line with normal privacy rules. He sees the animatronics like a hacker/technician sees his extremely expensive and new super computer. Not actually as people but something pretty much similar. He treats them well but he demands respect from them, not because he is human and they are robots, but because of his position as a lead doctor.

I didn't mention it before but y/n has a lot of conflicting feelings as well. Here is an example from the WIP:

"After all you're just another patient to entertain, who knows how many other humans they took care of with the same kind gestures and smiles before you even arrived here."

Sun and Moon are free to roam inside the hospital perimeter and it has pretty much anything you could ever want and could expect from a big, private hospital (like, dunno, a pool and a gym). But yeah, they sometimes find themselves thinking about visiting different cities or just enjoying different views. 

Sun wants to go to an amusement park and Moon wants to go to a real cinema and watch a film on the big screen. 

Visit the duo you say? That's actually something Sun says at some point but he's firmly convinced that y/n would stop doing it after some time passes. 

Y/n has the money to stay at the hospital for some time but they'll run out of them if they stay for too long. If they are gonna survive all of what's happening they are planning something different. Hopefully their plan is going to work.

[adhbabey]

Its laughable that people fakeclaiming or claiming that they have "faked" DID or any complex dissociative disorder.

I've seen people mention that they have struggled with their sense of identity after "intentionally faking" having a system, and I need to reiterate the fact that if you're having identity confusion, disconnection from your body, feeling empty or numb, and have conflicting thoughts, those are symptoms of having a dissociative disorder, and you never "faked" in the first place.

So, it's just really stupid and funny that people claim to understand what's going on in those with CDD's minds, when those with the CDD, don't understand it themselves. Like, the brain has built layers of protection from pain and suffering and people expect it to be all unraveled like a loose piece of thread on a sweater. That's not how it works and it's not at all simple.

I'm gonna be honest, if you never had to go through the immense mental gymnastics that your brain does, denying that anything ever happened, then you can't possibly imagine what it's like to live with this disorder. You don't start learning about things until you're further into recovery, that's the truth. Most systems don't know what's going on for a reason. It's so easy to deny that you were ever hurt, than to accept that you went through something traumatic.

Its the whole point of the disorder, you couldn't run away or fight what you went through, so you chose to lock it away, in hopes to live another day. Most people don't have to learn how to emotionally shut down or repress their memories, so it feels incredulous that anyone would know that by instinct. In fact, to most people, which had to dissociate in order to survive their perils, they don't have any idea of what happened, the story is broken up into pieces, so that you may have hope to see tomorrow. If you don't know how bad it is, then you don't have anything to worry about.

So acting like you're multiple people, without understanding the context of why someone's identity is so fragmented, is honestly kind of funny. No system chose this, and to outright avoid the subject or cherry pick information, is its own cognitive dissonance, and is kind of ironic. The fact that you're denying the existence of something that causes you to deny the existence of your own memories.

You can't fake this disorder with any realism or agency. It's pathetic that attempts have been made to discredit those with unique experiences. It's not about having alters, if you try to say it is, that's missing the point. Complex dissociation is about trying to survive an ongoing situation, in which a child cannot fight back or flee, nor can they rely on a trusted adult, so they must rely on themselves.

If you can't imagine how someone may be able to get through something like that, then that's not very imaginative, is it? What were you saying about how simple it is to fake DID? I thought you thought of reasons and explanations, I thought you experienced what it's like, first hand. People don't go on the internet, and tell lies, that can't be true. It sounds like someone's projecting. It's all a lie, then. No actual argument, no actual reason, just another way to bully or make fun of someone, then. It's a bit childish, if you ask me.

I find it rather pathetic, that people expect this to be a shut and close case, but have no idea what lengths the human psyche will go, in order to survive. It's human instinct. I think we can all agree that we've seen at least one movie, read one book, had one experience, where someone would do anything that they can, as an act of self preservation. So, why is it so hard to believe that a child will create another self to help them go through what they cannot do alone. To create a scenario in which that they can live. It's evolution, isn't it? I think these people know nothing about science, and just are using it as a way to make everything a competition. Grow up.

[woah-were-halfway-there]

Could you do something really small about Carson telling Brian and Ema about her abusive relationship for the first time 🥺 and how they react.

Oooo see the thing is with this like something would have to prompt Carson to open up to them about that and it does take a while to do so. It’s not that she doesn’t trust them or doesn’t feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with them at all, she adores Auston’s parents and from early on in hers and Auston’s relationship she wished they knew just how much their son meant to her and how he was picking up and piecing back together a heart that he didn’t break and just how that love she’s gotten from him has saved her from a lot of dark places because he provides her a light she can grasp onto. When she thinks about her ex and the abusive relationship she was in, she’s immediately taken back to the horrible place she was in mentally and emotionally. It was the lowest she’s ever been (aside from when her mom passed away but that’s obvs a different story) and she just really closed herself off from her loved ones and suffered alone. And it’s not that those most important in her life didn’t try to help, it was at a point where Carson was pushing them away. When she was going through that, there were a couple of relationships she had with people that didn’t make it through that lull and she doesn’t blame them for leaving but she was extra thankful for those who stuck around as she started coming out of it.

And that’s the thing, Auston was a huge part in her breaking down those walls she unintentionally put up because for whatever reason, he was able to crack through them with ease. There was something that just drew him and Carson together and he was so determined to see where it went but was so patient with Carson while she hesitantly opened her heart up to someone else after being betrayed and coming to terms with how she was abused by someone she thought loved her as much as she loved them.

Again, it’s just a topic that’s hard for her to talk about because then she relives it and it’s all quite traumatic for her. Earlier in her and Auston’s relationship there’d be some things that just triggered her and what kept her from spiralling was talking about it because then she could focus on moving on. Auston knew some of the extent of what Carson’s ex did before they even started a sexual relationship. He knew her ex cheated on her when they were still just friends having heard bits of the story from her and Mitch but it wasn’t until after they started dating that he knew the extent of the abuse she was experiencing while in a relationship with her ex and that took some time to come to light but Carson had to come to terms with it all first and as she did that she thought as her partner, Auston deserved to know. He was absolutely livid but also devastated when she told him because he didn’t understand how anyone could do that to Carson of all people and it’s just something they’ve navigated together. Auston did tell his parents about the abusive relationship before she talked to them about it, but he didn’t go into any details like for a while all they knew was that she had been in an abusive relationship and nothing more. Auston didn’t go into specifics because it wasn’t his trauma to share and it also made him really upset talking or even thinking about it.

Like I said earlier, I think something would prompt Carson to really open up to Auston’s parents about all of that. Like maybe it’s after they get engaged or maybe it’s after they find out they’re expecting Mia or around their wedding, there’s just something going on for them and it has Carson emotional thinking about how 19 year old her was convinced she was the problem and that she was meant to be alone but here she was with the man she loved more than anything in the world and who she knew loved her back the same amount, about to get married and with a family of their own. It’d be very overwhelming for Carson in a good way of course, but with that she’d be thinking about how far she’s come and I think that’s when she’d tell Auston’s parents about her abusive relationship. I don’t think she’d go into every little detail but she’d get the message across for sure and just end it with telling them how their son gives her a love she didn’t think she deserved and just going on to tell them how much Auston means to her and during all that I imagine Brian and Ema reacting very calmly, listening and processing everything Carson is sharing with them and they’d absolutely be upset thinking about it but with Carson being there with them and she’s just being so open and vulnerable, they wouldn’t show that they’re upset. They’d focus on where they are then and there, how Carson is part of their family and she’s not going back to the type of situation she was in. I def could see Ema tearing up a bit just thinking about it all as Carson told them but she wouldn’t interrupt, neither would Brian. They just listen and are shoulders for Carson to lean on and once she’s done telling them, they give her the biggest hug and tell her how she is their family and they’re so grateful to have her and how she deserves to feel the love and happiness she has now and that she’s not selfish for wanting that for herself. It’d just be a really sweet moment between the three of them

[freefromfearforever]

Adrift...

Adrift...lost on a sea of thought reaching to the far horizon and beyond...to the east and west, to the north and south...my mind reaches out in hope, in faith...searching for a safe place to land, to touch down upon and rest my weary self. Set the oars in the oarlock, climb onto terra firma...dig my bare toes into the warm, wet sand...and breathe, just breathe as I take in all that God has made. Many times a day I look about me and wonder, second-guess, retrace the steps that have led me to this point and I think...again...what am I doing here, how am I here in this strange unfamiliar land?

Many moons have waxed and waned since I stepped out, stepped away and still I wonder at the journey and my place in this world...daily, moment by moment. One day I will belong again...one day I will stand and survey all the good that has come into my life since that fateful moment in time. One day I will look at all that God has done and I will stand in awe, in gratefulness for the miracles I have witnessed first hand. I perch on this narrow path and take a second, a whisper of a breath, to glimpse back at the crystal clear frozen-in-time moments that showcase my brush with the miraculous...with the near-death feel of something more, something angelic, something mighty and powerful beyond our understanding.

I do not know why God spared me...kept me in this life to breathe through another minute, another hour, another day....but I stand here today because of His intervention, over and over and over again. I dare you to disbelieve, to scoff at what you may perceive as fanciful musings...unless you have walked a day, no...a moment in the shoes of someone who has been on the edge of the dark abyss and looked the grim reaper in the baleful eye, you must not mock, nor scorn.

I have listened to story...after story...after story, that would give chills...goosebumps would run the entirety of your body to hear, a portion only, of what these women have experienced. It is a cruel world to the weaker sex....that is not meant to take away from the strength of women, for there are many who are frighteningly and most awesomely strong...and the thought that runs through minds when I speak this way, and I know this because I have heard it from so many, is this...'I would never put up with that....' or 'I would fight back...' or 'why didn't you just leave?'

Strong...confidant...driven...buoyantly optimistic....the parts that comprise your spirit, your soul....shattered into so many pieces that it is nigh on impossible to collect them all and put them back to resemble the person you were before. Before the event...after the event....this my friends, so closely follows the thought patterns of the traumatized.

Naive? Ignorant? Uneducated? Gullible? Weak? All adjectives thought to surround women (and men) in abusive situations.

In truth...nothing could be further from the truth...The Truth...shall set you free. Free from misconceptions and misunderstandings regarding victims of abuse.

I've mentioned it before, many times, that they come from all walks of life, from all races, all religions. The percentage of women to men is high, the comparison jaw-dropping...women are the primary target area....nurses, doctors, police officers, surgeons, business women, paramedics...the clerk at the medical office, the funny and sweet Tim Hortons worker, the waitress at the favourite watering hole....they live and breathe and walk among us handing out kindnesses, not despite the heavy burden they carry, but because of it.... They walk among you...asking nothing, expecting nothing.......hoping everything.

For every new person I meet and have the honour of hearing their very personal and unique journey, I am struck by their resolve to live, to love and to grow.

My need to deliver words that will lead you to a fuller understanding of survivors is monstrous... a living, breathing need to convey the message that these women (and men) are true life heroes we come in contact with everyday. I am reminded moment by moment of all that I aspire to one day be... humbled and in awe of these warriors. The need for understanding for....them, they....those people walking around with gaping wounds, fresh scars and a crippling weight of sorrow that never quite goes away... One woman....25 years later....tells the story, recites the habitual daily tasks created during that tumultuous torment that live with her to this day. Another...joyful yet stained so with the events two years prior that, in her words, is as though wearing coloured glasses to view the world with.... And yet another breaking down in tears in the telling of a story set ten years prior....

Go gently dear friends....go gently. Kindness given freely costs us nothing, but provides everything. I often wish I could be a fly on the wall to see where those words of affirmation take them, what heights Love will elevate them to...witness the climb out of the pit they've been thrown in to. This I know....each word, each affirmation, each moment of compassion and understanding, has lifted my spirits from the depths...enabled my climb out of the valley of bones and into the bright light of hope.

Go with God dear survivors...dearest lost and broken victims in the midst.... I pray for your safety...for your sanity...I pray that God makes a way out of the desert and into the promised land. For you are promised abundance...promised life, love and liberty. Liberty....freedom from the fear you feel in each moment...free to choose your way, free to pursue your dreams, your aspirations. Hold on to those promises...hold on to life....hold on to love...you are worthy of so much more.

[still-a-morosexual-help]

TW: abuse, rant, im so sorry just wanted to share

I just wanna like add in for the Michael possibly abusing Mammon thing but from my own experience as someone who experienced both, you can forget the pain of physical punishment. Sure, they hurt and depending on how it was delivered it can be traumatic as hell, but (for me bc ik it can be different for other people) it didn’t stick as much as people thought it did because once the pain fades its easy to forget and go back to whatever you were doing before then. But psychological abuse makes you question yourself and your understanding of reality. Add in that the angels (Michael) are comfortable with sending something as trauma-inducing as the forced-angel-transformation bracelets to the brothers as a “prank” and you can tell they have very different standards for what’s demonic or not. They probably gaslit the shit out of Mammon into thinking Michael’s actions were “totally acceptable” which could also be another part for why the brothers think Mammon exaggerates about Michael but Mammon’s reaction to finding out about Simeon’s issues and immediately linking it to Michael? It doesn’t feel like Mammon’s just doing that to keep up a narrative of Michael being awful. It feels like an abuse victim being terrified and outraged that something they went through is happening to another person whom they care for, by the hand of the same person who hurt them too.

First, I'm really sorry you had to go through that shit. It's absolutely fucked up and I hope you're in a better situation♡

-

I honestly completely agree with everything you said. Like I literally have nothing more to add to it. You basically just said everything I was thinking.

And I really wish they would stick to this narrative of Michael (that they themselves have built up all this time) and if they had to "redeem" him (so that they could achieve peace) it would be done well: where they acknowledge the past, where he understands what he did and feels guilt, there's atonement through actions, there's verbal apologies, there's discomfort, avoidance and rejection on the part of the others and if he gets forgiven it's done by the party he hurt

And it's disappointing and heartbreaking because I know we won't get any of that.

Everything up to this point has built Michael up to be this heavily morally grey figure. He's not evil but he's not the holy person he probably sees himself as.

They could go so far with the groundwork they've laid so far

But they're probably gonna scrap all of that and make all the clues about Michael "not as bad as it seems like/not as bad as you theorised" because after he gets introduced he'll be made into a LI and he'll need to be palatable for that to happen

And I really just want characters who are there to be part of the story and not part of MC's ever growing harem but then I remember this is a dating sim and being part of MC's ever growing harem is literally the point (🥲) and I'm an idiot for expecting something different and I should be grateful for the fact that (in the main storyline) despite being a dating sim the devs have pushed back romantic interactions to focus on platonic bonds to the point that they have

In the story that plays on loop in my brain, only a handful of them have ever had a crush on MC

Post this was referring to:

Michael's Punishments

[furiousgoldfish]

Learning more about trauma recovery, I realized that even if we all have similar cptsd symptoms (emotional flashbacks, inner shame and guilt, abandonment issues, fear of other's negative reactions to us, fight/flight/freeze/fawn response, highly anxious behaviour, perfectionism, catastrophizing, chronic exhaustion and pain, panic attacks, struggle expressing anger, dissociation, grief, negative thinking, fear of the future, hopelessness, suicidal ideation) it's usually one or two of them that are specifically strong and tako a hold of someone's entire personality. For instance, someone will try to find a way out of fear by constantly doing more and more and try to always be perfect, another one will freeze and do nothing in a stressful situation; some will avoid people altogether, some will run from one painful relationship to another. Some might find their inner critic so powerful they get unable to do anything due to the constant shame and berating from inside of their head, and some will sink into dissociation and numbness in order to withstand being alive.

For me, it was the inner catastrophizer that was so loud, overbearing, and impossible to fight; I hadn't recognized it as a trauma symptom because I believed every bit of it was true. My imagined catastrophe was dying from lack of resources, or being tortured to death. Both felt like a very likely scenarios to happen because I do live in poverty, with minimal resources, and I've already experienced torture so it seemed like it's highly possible for it to happen again. I couldn't see that I've survived years on my own, without any help, and that I've became more resourceful than most people, or that I had saved myself from torture and kept myself safe. Every single time a minor stress would appear, I would spiral into wild scenarios of myself homeless, dying, or in unbearable pain. It would trigger a nervous breakdown, lots of flashbacks, panic attacks, and bring me to such highly anxious state I wouldn't be able to move for days. I didn't see a way out of this, I believed I was brainwashed to experience this over and over again, and panicked severely when it started getting worse.

It was only when I found out about other survivors having the exact same imagined catastrophy, I was able to see it was fake. People with jobs, friends, family, loved ones, resources and safety, were having the exact same fear of dying homeless. Circumstances don't matter to the catastrophizer, it will find a path to your worst, most painful scenario even if it's next to impossible for it to happen.

Reading the 'Complex PTSD' book, I learned that these catastrophic thoughts can and should be de-escalated and stopped in their tracks by a stream of logical, factual thoughts that challenge the unlikeliness and fakeness of the imaginary disaster. I trained my mind to do it immediately, unspeakably relieved to know it's something I can do on my own, it's do-able, it's progress I can make just by arguing with my own thoughts!

Ever since that day, I haven't allowed myself to spiral into a catastrophic thoughts once, and it's done wonders for my recovery. It was like dragging myself from the bottom of the pit to a place where I could breathe again. I only now acknowledge how extremely damaging it was on my body to be broken down like that regularly, how impossible it was to live always followed by that terror, how unreasonable it was to expect from myself to endure it. I still break down a lot, but from grief, which is healthy for me to break down about, and it doesn't throw me into a paralyzing pit of terror.

I also need to acknowledge that this is not something I'd be able to do at the beginning of the recovery; at the start I had every single symptom screaming in my face, it was all I could do to stay alive thru it all. Over the course of several years, a lot of the symptoms quieted down on their own, just because I was getting used to life in a non-abusive environment. The catastrophizer was one that kept getting bigger and more stressful as others got smaller and more manageable.

I believe most of my symptoms died down because I was allowing myself to seek out a comfort zone; giving myself a place to feel safe and not triggered by whatever, gave me a lot of peace, a refuge to hide in. After finding a little peace of the world I was safe in, this world began to expand, until I saw a way to have a life in it. It has its limits, of course, and if I try doing certain things I will absolutely get triggered and my well-being will be obliterated. But I'm not looking for a life where I can do everything. Only to stay alive, and to not be in terror. It's a humble yet very complicated desire for a traumatized person to have.

I no longer have to actively stop my catastrophic thoughts; my brain now does it for me. If I start spiraling, a voice in my head will go 'Wait a minute, that doesn't sounds realistic, isn't it more likely x will happen and it will be okay? Come on, you don't have to be terrified about this, because it's not real. It will be okay, and here's every single instance where a similar event went well for you. You will pull thru this one, and even if you don't, the consequence won't be death, or torture, or everyone alive hating you. At worst you will feel slightly bad, so it's okay to feel good now. You've done a lot to get this far. All will be well.'

And that is a very pleasant inner voice to have, and I am grateful for it. I wish so badly that I had this earlier in life, but I guess looking at my parents, there was no way.

What is your worst reoccurring symptom that stops you from progressing in your recovery? If you feel like you're at the stage where you can recognize it and talk about it, it would be beneficial for everyone recovering to read more experiences.

[stranger-nightmare]

(tw: rape, depressive thoughts, pretty much everything bad)

hi, im reading "i’ll make it up to you" rn and, please dont get me wrong here, i love your writing.

but it’s breaking me to think that after what happened in the upside down, people would think that a month to recover is enough or 'a long time'.

i didnt experience what eddie experienced, but i know the feeling of your body being violated, i know the feeling of not recognising myself when i look in the mirror. i dont wanna say being raped is the same as almost dying, it’s just the way that you write eddie is very similar to how i felt when it happened to me.

i have no right to assume that was your intention and that’s not what im trying to do here. what i want to do is talk about the one month thing.

after my (back then) boyfriend raped me, it took me two weeks to realise what even happened. it took me two days to find the courage to break up with him. after that, it took me two months before i could tell anyone what had happened, my closest friends and my therapist.

it has been almost two years now and i still struggle to even say what happened, let alone fully talk about it.

one month is nothing, it’s no time.

im saying this because i need people to know that for people who’ve undergone such trauma, the one month… its just nothing. and for a lot of people, it takes a whole lot longer.

i need you to know, that if you ever interact with someone who’s had something traumatising like this happened to them, please be patient. i needed everything to be the same as it was, i needed a normal life around me.

the one thing that would’ve broken me for sure would be if people had expectations at this point.

in your eddie fic, the reader expects him to come back but gives up after a month. a month is hardly enough time for the physical scars to heal, let alone the mental ones.

i dont wanna come off as condescending and i know, i’ll most likely fail. but i say this because i love this fandom, i love the community and i love the people.

trauma takes time, a lot more time than a month. please consider the message you’re sending with your writing and how it affects those that may have experienced something similar.

it’s 3am and I’m supposed to be sleeping but I saw this and just felt like I needed to respond asap

firstly I’m so sorry this happened to you, I cannot imagine that kind of pain and trauma

secondly it was not my intention to say that a month is by any means long enough to deal with any kind of trauma, the issue of the fic was supposed to be the fact that Eddie completely pulled away from the reader for a whole month and she was left feeling useless as to what to do about it

the reader, or me as the writer, was never expecting Eddie to have recovered from his truama from one short month, the issue was the reader couldn’t take him pulling away from her for that long and she just wanted to know what more she could do to help

I’m also not really trying to send any kind of message with my fanfiction bc it’s literally fanfiction, I appreciate you don’t mean to sound condescending but that is unfortunately how it’s come across and I have to, as respectfully as possible, defend myself and my work bc it’s not my intention to make anyone feels uncomfortable with my work

like I’m sorry if the fic came across the wrong way and you’ve read it like that but again the emphasis was supposed to be on the crack caused in their relationship by his trauma and not that he needed to like hurry up and deal with it or whatever, reader was never expecting him to fully come back after a month but they couldn’t keep going on as they were, they ar least needed to have some kind of discussion of what was going on, even if it was just for him to say that he needed more time but appreciated her being there or whatever, but that’s just not the direction I took with the story

I’ve been through and am still currently going through traumatic situations in my life, perhaps not directly comparable to this, but I still completely understand first hand how long it can take to heal from certain things but I also appreciate that everyone heals at different speeds too so

yeah I don’t really know what else to say, it is absolutely never my intention to upset or offend anyone with my fics, which again are literally just fanfiction, so yeah idk I’m sorry if you felt upset or triggered by it, I do apologise, but that’s not how I meant it to come across

- hope