#you want to make fun of the phrasing of things that are literally metaphors but like. all you're telling me is you paid absolutely no

[majormeilani]

why does everyone say that phrases like 'he hissed' or 'he growled' is just a fanfic thing when that's literally phasing used in plenty of literature 😭😭😭 where do y'all think the 'fanfic' people got that phrasing from

[cafinedeprivedandclinicallydepre]

All I want is Nothing- A frerard theorists dissection/ overanalyses

Hello my darlings <3

in this blog series I am going to be overanalysing Frank Iero's solo project album "Stomach Aches." I love this album very much I literally believe Frank Iero to be a genius when it comes to song writing and I also am obsessed with his voice, it has this emotion tied to it that just come's naturally to him in a way that is doesn't for a lot of singer song writers.

But you already know who Frank Iero is, otherwise you wouldn't be here! So in this blog I am going to dissect the first track on the album Stomach aches for the purpose of contributing to the proof of frerard. Because it did happen. I have dug sooooooo deep into the internet hole which is frerard that no matter how much bs they talk about being 'Just friends' can pull me out of it. So there, if you don't want to believe me that's fine, but if you do then by all means read on.

So the track All I want is nothing first makes a reference to the MCR song DESTROYA (need I say more) before it begins with the phrase:

All I want is you,

This is not an uncommon phrase in most song's and it's pretty self explanatory so we'll move on,

I think back to the heart attack

where the world seemed so brand new.

The phrase heart attack i think could be referring to one of three things;

one of which being the song Save yourself I'll hold them back, which if you analyse the lyrics is literally a song from party poison to fun ghoul ( But more on that another day )

Another possibility is that it is in reference to the fact that Frank was in love with both Jamia and Gerard and he considered that a heart attack because it was all to much loving these two people and knowing that ultimately one of their hearts would break.

A third more likely option is the fact that before MCR's revenge tour Gerard's dad literally had a (nonfatal) heart attack. This also links to the line afterward, "when the world seemed so brand new" It was at the beginning of MCR, which Frank and Gerard have so many times said that being in MCR is like being reborn....so yeah.

Wasted time with a crooked spine

when I really should've spent my time with you

Now out of the whole song this is the line that confuses me the most after reading various blogs I realised that most of them say that this is making reference to Gerard's scoliosis, and i too thought that until I realised that Frank Iero is a cryptic poet and doesn't literally mean a crooked spine. So I researched the metaphorical meanings behind a spine and I found that Having a spine or a "back Bone" means to be strong and resilient, however having the opposite ( a crooked spine if you will) means a lack of courage or will.

Do you see it? This also fits in pretty perfectly to the line after, "when I really should've spent my time with you" He's saying that he wasted time fearing telling someone how he really feels, and out of that fear, neglected to have the relationship with that person that he so desired. He is saying, " I wasted time being to scared of telling you how I feel, when i could've spent that time being with you"

Now All I want is nothing

All i want is what I can't have

All I want Is nothing

Okay so the chorus, I believe Frank says all he wants is nothing because he feels that their relationship is nothing now>He feels it's non existent because Gerard is with someone else, which is supported by the next line of "all I want is what i can't have" This is obvious, he feels that Gerard belongs to someone else, that he can't Have him. But Frank still wants Gerard even though Gerard doesn't belong to him anymore.

If I can't have just

one more second of your

undivided attention.

Okay so you need to understand that Frank used to get ALL the attention on stage. Jesus Christ pro rev was frerard at it's highest as far as we can tell... But then out of nowhere Gerard got married. And so little by little Frank stopped getting so much "Stage gay" I mean it was true on behalf of both party's they where both as bad as each other when it came to the stage homo, but then they just got their libidos in check and stopped jacking each other off on stage. And Frank missed that, he missed all of Gerard's attention being on him.

All I want is you

This is Frank saying that he still wants Gerard, I don't really need to explain further do I?

All I have are memories

of how you felt lying next to me

All we are is a memory

Frank is making it clear that this person is not his anymore, that this person is not in his life as a romantic partner anymore, he's saying that "we don't exist anymore" even referring to their relationship almost like he's mourning. All we are is a memory.

I used to have a best friend

now just one more enemy

Okay we all know Frank and Gerard where best friends, Its common knowledge. But they had a falling out during the end of pro rev aka. 'The frerard fight' I'll link the video at the bottom if you haven't seen it already, they've since made up but it has never been the same. After that it was like Gerard was begging for attention and Frank wasn't having a bar of it, because he was hurt. This could also be what the crooked spine line is talking about, perhaps Frank is saying that he wasted to much time being mad at Gerard.

If i cant have just one more second

of a time

when i was yours and you where mine

and all I want is everything

we never had before

but i still want more

Frank explains the first line pretty well himself, but in saying that all he want's is everything they never had before, he could be saying that he wanted to be public about their relationship. Which is what a lot of Frerard theorists suggest and I think is partly true. But what I think he wanted was exclusivity, I think we wanted Gerard to be exclusively his, and in turn he wanted to be exclusively Gerard's.

All i want is you

to want me,

to want me,

to want-

Again I really don't need to explain that one.

Thankyou so much for reading and I am very grateful that you made it to the very end, also I would love to hear your insights into this dissection of All I want IS Nothing I appreciate your ideas and find them very helpful in the hope of piecing together what the fuck happened between these two.

Here is the link to the Frerard fight as promised

Anyways darlings come back next time cause I'm doing The whole stomach aches album in order and then if you enjoyed this, possibly hesitant alien although Gerard's lyrics can be harder to fish out lyrics with an alternative meaning i will try for you :)

Have an amazing evening, I need to sleep because i have school in five hours

love you byee :333

[pastafossa]

Hello Pasta! I'm wanting to get into writing fanfiction. I'm having a hard time getting started and not feeling embarrassed at the idea of posting it. I don't really know where to start or how. I have adhd, so motivation and not getting distracted like a cat are not my strong suits. Any tips and suggestions on getting started?

As a writer with severe and currently untreated ADHD whose brain will happily chase leaves down the street when I should be doing something important, I feel you, anon. I'm happy to give tips and suggestions!

So the feeling embarrassed is, imo, the hardest part to overcome in the beginning. It is your biggest wall. The lingering cultural stigma against fanfic certainly doesn't help. But the good news is, I don't know anyone who wasn't nervous and embarrassed the first time around. It's normal. And half of it is... literally just about Trying To Do The New Thing. Nobody wants to be 'bad' at something, and unless someone's a prodigy, their early stuff won't be perfect in the same way that the first time someone tries to paint a picture, it's usually pretty wonky. The difference between trying the new thing or walking away, is whether or not you see it as a learning experience. If you're learning, you're allowed to make mistakes. I've used the gaming metaphor before because it works: consider yourself a level 1 writer. Your armor is mismatched. Your sword is blunt. Your only hope of leveling up is stabbing rats for 6 hours. And that's ok, because everyone starts at level 1. Even me! My early stuff was riddled with mistakes, wonky phrasing, awkward structuring, and garbled plotlines, because I'd never tried to write before. So grasp onto your sword, and remind yourself that it's ok to make mistakes.

To fight the cultural stigma embarrassment, take a look at the List of Star Trek novels list. It's a mile long. Try scrolling through; it'll take a while. You know what all that is? That's fanfiction. It's fic, written by people who love the universe and want to tell more stories inside that verse. Paradise Lost? Bible fanfic. Shakespeare's Julius Caesar? RPF. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies? AU fanfic. So much in the world is fanfic, and you're allowed to write it, just like everyone else.

For how to start, I'd advise looking at prompt or trope lists and choosing one you love! Something that sparks your creativity, whether that's the Cuddle for Warmth trope or a Snowball Fight prompt! The key is choosing something nice and concise when you're starting, since ideas like those are easier both to start and to finish. As you learn, you'll get the hang of longer works, but short helps so much in the beginning, especially when you're trying to keep your ADHD motivation going long enough to get it done.

Speaking of beginnings - a lot of writers get stuck on beginnings. And that's fair, because sometimes beginnings are boring and unnecessary. Some good advice I got? Consider starting in the middle! If we use, say, the Snowball Fight prompt, then there's no reason to start with Character A waking up and seeing the snow and getting dressed. Try jumping right to the fun part: them out in the snow, walking with Character B, and both of them now in the perfect position for banter to morph into the snowball fight itself.

If you're unsure how to literally make a paragraph happen, sometimes what you can do (and what I still sometimes do!) is essentially start with listing what needs to happen in that paragraph: 'Jane picks up a snowball. Jane squints at Matt. Jane throws snowball at his face.' Once you've written everything out (the whole fic), come back and add details paragraph by paragraph: sensory info, more specific words, adjectives. Which is how the paragraph becomes something like, 'Jane quietly scooped up a handful of glittering snow, narrowing her eyes at Matt in thought for only a brief second before rearing back and launching it at his face.' This is also essentially what my editing process looks like (which some people noticed when I accidentally left an unedited paragraph right above the edited paragraph in one chapter of TRT!). You can literally go through this process for the entire fic, starting with an outline (basic list of events) which you then break down into basic sentences (rough paragraphs) and then go back in and add details (editing process discussed above).

ADHD tip - distractions: first, have an area you devote to writing. Try to write there as often as you can, and make it a happy space! Your brain needs to learn this is the 'writing area' so it knows exactly what to do when you sit down. Make sure you have what you need nearby so you don't have to wander off - I have everything from hand lotion, a candle, chapstick, tissues, water, and fidget toys nearby. Consider using something like noise canceling headphones - I have a pair I use to block out sounds and play my TRT playlist for me while I write, so it's harder to get distracted by outside noise.

ADHD tip - fidgeting: I often reward my brain for every hour of writing by getting up to move around, stretch out. Sometimes I walk some loops around the house, or I go outside and chase the dog a little, hug a tree, the usual 'YAY NEW STIMULI' for my brain. I've found giving myself those regular moments of activity helps a huge amount.

Alternatively, if you're hyperfixating on writing, ride that train to the fucking end of the line. This is one of our strong points as writers. It won't happen every time, and you cannot rely on it occurring, but sometimes you reach this magical space where all else falls away. I've had nights where I fell into that mindset and pumped out 15k words in one long session (keep snacks and water nearby, otherwise you will forget to eat or drink - I've gone roughly 6-7 hours without eating or drinking before while in The Zone).

I drink a shit-ton of caffeine to make my brain go zoom, do with that what you will.

So your mileage may vary, but this generally works for both ADHDers and non-ADHDers: training your brain to focus on writing is essentially like training for a marathon. If you try to run a 50k on day one? You're fucked. Start with a goal of small word counts for each writing session. If you go longer? Great! But smaller goals in the beginning that are manageable are more useful. Instead of saying, 'I AM GOING TO WRITE 10K WORDS THIS WEEK/TODAY!', try, 'Every day I write 200 words.' Cause 200 words? You can do that! That's small! Enjoy your success and reward yourself, give your brain that sweet sweet dopamine reward at hitting that word goal. And as you go, and regularly start meeting that goal, you can consider adding a little more, bit by bit, but try to keep your goal achievable. Because writing a little is always better than writing nothing.

And above all... be kind to yourself. There's always someone out there who wants to read your story, no matter what that looks like.

I hope these tips help! It's definitely a challenge even for non-ADHDers to get into writing, and adding our unique brains into the mix can get a little wild, but it's definitely doable, and it's absolutely worth the effort to see if writing fic is something you want to do.

[goginaporter]

just had a rina epiphany of sorts. @blues-valentine was talking about the canoe scene and how the way ej phrases it makes it sound like the fireworks are their destination. “maybe we can sit here and paddle away until the fireworks go off.” there are a few layers to this scene. the first I want to talk about is the fact that ej involves the canoe in his metaphor, suggesting that they go towards the fireworks. these fireworks, both metaphorical and literal in this situation, are not where pw are in that moment. also, given that the canoe is in the middle of the barn, they can’t actually move anywhere. they’re stagnant, just like their relationship. they aren’t going backwards, but they aren’t going forward either. of course, the core symbolism of this scene is the fact that we watched fireworks go off for ashlyn, but not for them. the spark that flamed their relationship is gone, if it was ever there in the first place. finally, this would not be my thoughts on this couple if I didn’t bring up rina. in 3.03, as ricky and gina are walking back to their tents for the night, ricky says something fascinating. “it’s the journey, not the destination.” I think these two scenes present an interesting contrast in how ej and gina have interacted and how ricky and gina interacted. ej is fighting for the musical and the documentary to go well so that he can stay in salt lake and stay with gina. however in fighting for their future, fighting to reach the fireworks, he is neglecting her in the present, a problem even more clear in the fact that gina has all but begged for ej to spend time with her at shallow lake like he promised, not only when they arrived to camp and he wasn’t director, but also in 3.02, when he tells gina he is not worried about their relationship as it relates to his directing responsibilities. ricky, in contrast, has literally shown up (ej’s words, not just mine) and stayed around and been supportive of gina the entire summer. she claimed that this was supposed to be a “summer of fun” just like ricky did in that ep, and he has all but ensured that for her; being a good leading man, making her laugh, holding other cast members accountable for how their actions impact gina’s show, listening to her issues and offering support, being at her side for color war the entire time, and even helping her with a promposal to her boyfriend. ricky doesn’t have some ulterior motive, a “destination,” if you will, in mind with gina. he just wants to support her now in every way he can. the journey, important to both him and gina, is what he prioritizes. I’m not trying to come down hard at ej for being a bad boyfriend, because there’s nuance to that statement. he is doing good things, but at the end of the day, not what gina asked of him and what he promised her. he’s not being a good boyfriend for gina.

[reputayswift]

what do you think Suburban Legends is about?

I think it’s about having a tumultuous and undefined relationship with someone and putting up with red flags because you want to believe you’re meant to end up together. Basically this quote about Style:

This song is about those relationships that are never really done. You always [have] that one person who you feel might interrupt your wedding and be like, “don’t do, it ‘cause we’re not over yet.” I think everybody has that one person who kind of floats in and out of their life and the narrative is never truly over.

But she’s reimagining this relationship as a high school romance—as she’s wont to do!

Here are a few section-by-section explanations and parallels just for fun:

Note. Sometimes I use “Taylor” to refer to Taylor, the songwriter, and sometimes to Taylor, the narrator of the song. I’m not saying Taylor, the songwriter, experienced all of this literally lol 🫶

you had people who called you on unmarked numbers / in my peripheral vision

She’s noticed that the person she’s with often gets mysterious phone calls when they’re together, the “unmarked” implying he’s hiding the contact names from her because he’s pursuing multiple romances at once. (“I heard that you’ve been out and about with some other girl / he said ‘what you heard is true but I can’t stop thinking about you and I’ / I said I’ve been there too a few times”)

I let it slide like a hose on a slippery plastic summer / all was quickly forgiven

Here she’s combining the phrase “let it slide” (allowing someone to get away with something) with the imagery of a Slip ‘N Slide (a flat, plastic water slide you wet with a hose—usually for children). It was meant to be a playful summer romance with looser expectations, so she ignored the calls and didn’t demand exclusivity. (“August slipped away into a moment in time / ‘cause it was never mine” / “it was just a summer thing” / “no rules in breakable heaven but / o, it’s a cruel summer”)

you were so magnetic it was almost obnoxious / flush with the currency of cool / I was always turning out my empty pockets

Someone who’s “flush with cash” has all the wealth they could ever need. Someone’s who’s “flush with the currency of cool,” then, has endless charm that makes relationships easy to obtain and gives them access to anything they desire. In contrast, Taylor is “turning out [her] empty pockets”; the same charm that drew her in makes her feel insecure and inadequate beside him. A “flush” can also refer to blushing with embarrassment or attraction, further showing the effects of his charisma.

I had the fantasy that maybe our mismatched star signs / would surprise the whole school / when I ended up back at our class reunion / walkin' in with you

This is far from the first time Taylor has used high school as a metaphor for the gossip, pressure, and claustrophobia that comes with the spotlight: (“they whisper in the hallway, ‘she’s a bad, bad girl’” / “honey, life is just a classroom” / “you had it figured out since you’re in school / everybody loves pretty everybody loves cool”). High school classmates may question the compatibility of two people based on social standing (“currency of cool”) or zodiac sign the same way tabloids theorize how and when her relationship might crash and burn from the outside. The high school reunion represents an opportunity to show everyone who’s ever doubted her that they were wrong, that their love was fated and they fell back together in the end.

you'd be more than a chapter in my old diaries / with the pages ripped out

With Taylor’s diaristic writing style, she’s often accused of discarding partners and keeping the songwriting material. Again, this fantasy reunion would allow her to silence these detractors.

I am standin' in a 1950s gymnasium / and I can still see you now

A few possibilities here:

Being, physically, in an old gymnasium reminds her of this fantasy and her dashed hopes for their relationship

Taylor’s fantasy takes place in her high school gym, which was built in the 50s

Taylor’s fantasy takes place in a gymnasium in the 1950s, echoing the James Dean x Good Girl dynamic seen throughout 1989

I didn't come here to make friends / we were born to be suburban legends

Despite “let[ting] it slide,” she actually desires a defined, committed relationship. “Suburban legends” is a play on “urban legends,” which could refer to becoming the talk-of-the-town and/or a renowned power couple out of ordinary circumstances (“you and me, we’d be a big conversation”). However, the veracity of “legends” is often disputed, hinting that whispered rumors may be all that’s left of their love in the end. The use of “suburban” also supports the image of a small-scale high school romance.

when you hold me, it holds me together / and you kiss me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever

Their chemistry is so strong she knows she’s doomed to always wonder when and if he’ll reappear.

tick-tock on the clock, I pace down your block / I broke my own heart 'cause you were too polite to do it / waves crash to the shore, I dash to the door / you don't knock anymore and I always knew it / that my life would be ruined

Again, she is placing the relationship in a “world that was one block wide,” where impromptu visits are a short walk away. Time is running out to define the relationship, and Taylor has resigned to call it off altogether knowing he’s content to string her along indefinitely. The past tense “broke” versus the present tense “dash” could indicate she’s already called it off and is visiting despite herself. The fact he no longer “knocks” (approaches her independently) confirms her fears that he’s losing interest and she’ll be left to wonder about and pursue him, alone.

[echoesofadream]

sparkle sunflower leaf bow

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

hmmmm good question. circling bodies? some people liked it and were lovely in the comments as always but idk if it has found its right audience. maybe also all in love is fair, im not super proud of that fic but its still personal to me...

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

reading other peoples excellent writing, it makes me feel like my writing is absolute trash and want to delete all my fics and hide forever. but at the same time it can also make me feel so inspired, I guess it depends on my headspace. and then it makes me want to keep going and be better! I love it, getting lots of ideas and realizing there are no rules on what to write or how to write! thats the best. and also when I get in a flow and come out of it so satisfied, that makes me want to keep going.

another thing that makes me wanna give up is when a scene doesnt come naturally and I have to force it, because that feels like faking it and doesn't feel real and honest and I dont like doing it and wanna stop writing

🌿how does creating make you feel?

excited! and sometimes hopeless because writing is HARD even if its a silly fic. its easy to underestimate the task but it can be a lot honestly. so then I try to find the spark that inspired me in the beginning and made me start the fic but that can be almost impossible sometimes, like its not there anymore, but the fic is still unfinished, help? but then I remember that im writing for myself, because its fun and makes me happy and nothing else. and what I love is all the possibilities, they are literally endless, from the first idea to every phrasing of a sentence, like you are God! its the adult version of playing with dolls and you are a god deciding their fates. thats amazing, and sometimes it makes me cackle like a villain when I make them suffer. but I wont lie to you, I have also cried from my own writing, while writing, tears streaming down my cheeks like the words are literally pouring from my own heart. but lets not forget what we are writing is self indulgent fics, of course it makes me feel hot and bothered or flustered too. giggling in my room like ??

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

okay i will try. I guess that I am never trying to follow some formula, using the same old metaphors, etc, like im always trying to write like I am there, living in it and experiencing it myself, so everything I write is original in that way? okay its not like I dont have tropes or clichés in my writing but yeah.. complimenting myself is hard.. I try to live in to what the characters are feeling but thats more like a writing tip than compliment, like idk what people would feel in a situation so I try to feel it myself like im the character. I also think I have improved! this is a compliment to current me, not past me, my old fics make me cringe hard. but yeah, I think my writing is honest.. and also I think I characterize taekook well, because obviously im going to like the way I characterize them because im writing my fantasies for them so hehe. so I can put in my favorite taekook tropes and personality traits. but like I dont just rely on stereotypes

[maiji]

Lenormand reading request (thanks for doing these, it's a great idea and I'm really interested to see how they work!):

I'm working on changing some of my habitual / automatic ways of thinking, but - as fully expected - it's not easy. What should I bear in mind when taking on this challenge?

Numbers: 19 and 23

I really appreciate this question, and find it so relatable!

With that in mind, I will note as a general comment for anyone getting any kind of reading done that the person doing the reading (in this case, me) will invariably bring their own experiences into it. These are interpretations, so they will be filtered or coloured by the mind interpreting them in some way, no matter how much they may try to be impartial/neutral. It's not a bad thing per se, but just something to be aware of. So if anything doesn't feel relevant to your own experience, always feel free to use it as a jumping point for making insights that feel more applicable and more helpful to you. It's your question for your situation, so you may find connections other people may not even be aware of.

#19 was The Letter, and #23 was The Snake. This one is extra interesting to me because it is also the combination (albeit in a different sequence) that I drew in one of my Reading Examples for a totally different question, which you can see here (do a search for the phrase "Snake + Letter" to find it quickly). So it offers a convenient comparison to see how interpretations are tied to context.

The Letter is about communication, and The Snake has a variety of possible meanings. A lot of them, especially the traditional meanings, can appear to be very negative (poor little Snake!) but I personally find that's surface-level - it's easier for us to remember things that are extreme, and from there we can find more nuanced interpretations. Some of the modern associations include desire and single-mindedness.

I'm grateful that the first card drawn was the Letter, because in this situation it seems to be the more "obvious" read - very easy to connect it to the nature of the question. This is about your habits and ways of thinking, so a possible interpretation is communication with yourself. Awareness of what you're thinking or doing when you are doing them is a very immediate first step in being able to change course - if you want to change it, of course.

And that thought helps me to find a relationship with the Snake. Here I'm focusing on those modern meanings. There are a few directions we can look at it from, but one that strikes me is that sometimes the more we want something, the more we beat ourselves up over our perceived failure to achieve it... and the harder that can make it for ourselves. It reminds me of this video that's floated around the internet for a while and reappeared on my Mastodon feed the other day, of a man punching a Non-Newtonion fluid. This type of matter changes viscosity based on pressure - in this case, solidifying. So his forceful punch met a hard surface and resulted in a reaction of pain, whereas a gentle touch sank through with ease.

These are fairly abstract and metaphorical interpretations, so I often find it fun to see if I can do a more literal reading too. That can sometimes yield surprises and more ideas. For example, The Letter is also writing. Thoughts are nebulous and can be hard to grasp - they come easily and go just as easily. Words you can see and reflect on in a more tangible way, and that could be an assistive device. What if you wrote a letter to yourself, messages of encouragement and/or reinforcement? How about little reminder notes of the positive, and things you want to do more of, focusing on that over the negative/things you want to do less of?

One of my friends keeps a daily journal to help manage and respond to thoughts and habits. I'm not nearly so diligent in this area, but I've written letters to myself using FutureMe. It can be easy to feel like I'm making no progress minute by minute, day by day, so seeing a message from Past Me has often helped me to reinforce what and why I do what I do, and to be able to see my journey over a period of time has been super powerful.

I hope this provided some interesting food for thought!

--

Thanks for requesting a limited time free reading to celebrate the new edition of the Fortune Lenormand oracle/art deck!

Want to dive deeper?

Fortune Lenormand oracle/art deck - there's a free downloadable overview of card meanings!

humangray.com/lenormand - more info and resources/links!

(Note: these readings are being done with my old card deck from the original printing. There's not much difference with the new edition available in the link above - the biggest one is that the new edition has a custom box ooh ahh!)

[sharpen-jadescythe]

Sharpen goes home, 2

After supper...

Mom: This is serious, now. That's why we've gathered the whole family.

All 5 of Sharpen's sisters: *various stages of smirking or bored*

Dad: Let's be careful how we say things to Sharpen this time. Emotions ran very high at supper. But there is a certain phrase we all agreed not to use again. Alright?

Sharpen: *blushing hard* How can you even call it that? Elune herself fell for Malorne. And they made Cenarius together.

Mom: But that's a metaphor, Sharpen. It was a sacred... intercession between Elune and Malorne, who was blessed and good. They only came together anyway because Cenarius was needed in the world.

Sharpen: What.

Jezzca: Hey bro, are you just making a case to hook up with Elune now?

Mom: *looks pale*

Sharpen: No, I am not.

Dad: Dearest, you know that Cenarius is a half-man, half-deer person?

Mom: He is a blessed creature who probably changed himself into a man for the act itself. Or, Elune showed her great mercy and became a beautiful doe for his sake. Who are we to know the ways of the goddess?

Dad: Dearest, I'm only saying Sharpen may have a point--

Jezzca: Was Clayton the Drogbar hot?

Sharpen: What do you think? *glares*

Wisthera: I just don't understand how you made time to hook up with a Drogbar on your mission. And weren't you two in Zaralek Cavern? Eugh.

Sharpen: *deadpan* Maybe the cave lighting was romantic.

Mom: Cenarius was needed in the world and that's why the goddess did that! Stop challenging my beliefs!

Sharpen: Mom. Cenarius is literally a man on the top and a deer on the bottom. It's SO obvious. That's probably how they went about it, too!

Dad: Sharpen, stop shocking your mother.

Jezzca: *screeches with laughter*

Wisthera: And is that how it was with you and your drogbar boyfiend? Did he... overwhelm you?

Sharpen: We're not talking about Clayton anymore!!

Jezzca: Did you impale him with your tuskarr spear?

Wisthera: How'd you get your hands on a tuskarr's spear anyway?

Jezzca: Mrhrm! Sounds fun.

Mom: *quickly makes the sign of Elune*

Dad: Sharpen, stop changing the subject. We are sitting down as a family to stop you being so lustful. As uncomfortable as it is for a father to say, especially in front of his impressionable daughters... You need to choose partners with more substance. Not just for their. You know.

Jezzca: *falls out of her chair laughing*

Sharpen: No, I don't know. Can't you even say it if you're going to be so judgemental?

Wisthera: What's-his-face, that one Son of Cenarius, he hooked up with Princess Theradras. She was some horrible rock monster.

Sharpen: You're doing this to me on purpose.

Mom: That's right! Now Sharpen, do you want to go and sire a bunch of half-elf, half-drogbar monsters? Like those horrible centaur? Because that is what will happen to you if you don't stop.

Dad: That's a little silly, you have to admit.

Sharpen: Finally! Thank you, Dad.

Dad: Jezzca, get off the floor.

Wisthera: Nothing's solved, yet. We'll all be related by marriage to something crazy like a jalgar soon if Sharpen doesn't learn a lesson here. *stage winks*

Mom: What’s a jal... gar?

Sharpen: Ah, yes. An ancient race of polar bear-men. Last seen in Northrend, but defeated by the vrykul. The forebears of the furbolg if I remember correctly. They're supposed to be absolutely huge. And angry. A reasonable amount of fuzzy. Warm, too.

Mom: ...

Dad: ... ...

Sharpen: What? I know my history.

Wisthera: And your eyes were glazing over.

Jezzca: *stretches out casually on the floor* Actually, I wouldn't mind being related to cute little bear cub-elf nephews.

Sharpen: I would like to kindly ask all of my impressionable sisters to shut the hell up.

[paladinsbrainrot]

CHAPTER THREE: THE MONSTER AND THE SUPERHERO CHAPTER FOUR: DEAR BILLY CHAPTER FIVE: THE NINA PROJECT

I’ve decided to combine everything (that I can remember) from all three of these episodes since there wasn’t much I picked up on. (I tried to watch the show instead of thinking of stuff to analyze this time lol)

This is probably irrelevant but the title of episode 3 reminded me of Chapter Five: The Flea and the Acrobat (from s1), and when El calls herself ‘the monster’. Looks like I was right about these parallels, El calls herself a monster in this episode and this is when they’re close to figuring everything out. 

LAB

- Brenner cradling El parallels to S1

RUSSIA - Hopper being referred to as the Crazy American, crazy because his love for Joyce gets in the way of everything. He will do anything he can for love. 

(If you haven’t been familiar with the phrases ‘crazy’ and ‘stupid’, they are basically metaphors for love in the Stranger Things Universe)

HAWKINS

- I think Max’s hair being in a ponytail for majority of the season represents her lack of expression. From the promo to the ponytails to the braids, she’s definetly going through it. The only time we don’t see her without a ponytail is in this scene, where her hair is loose and she’s wearing a rainbow shirt, quite like the ones she wore during season three. 

I really want to make a big analysis on this, but just to sum it up briefly, Max tying her hair up can represent her lack of communication and her not wanting to open up to people. She locks her hair up in a ponytail just like she locks up her true feelings. Max is really struggling, you guys. I’m going to do an in depth analysis on this, probably picking apart what her loose hair means, what her ponytails mean, and what her braids mean. 

- Anyways, another thing I noticed about the Hawkins plot this season is that when Robin says "What are we looking for exactly?” it reminded me of Mike in season three. I’m really hoping Robin is going to become the new Mike of the group, just including that little bit of fuzz and snarky comments. I’m hoping we get more parallels between them this season. 

- I think that music being able to save Vecna’s victims from their trances parallels to s2 when the gang uses Should I Stay or Should I Go to break Will out of his possession from the Mind Flayer

- Lucas saying “I thought we lost you”/ Mike saying “I feel I lost you”

- When Nancy and Robin visit Pennhurst, Victor Creel describes his boy as a ‘sensitive child’ like how Joyce describes Will as a ‘sensitive boy’. They both like to draw, and wear relatively similar outfits. 

CALIFORNIA

- When Argyle drives the Byers + Mike home, I noticed that when Jonathan and Argyle hum a circus tune we zoom in on El and Will, and they look severely distressed and uncomfortable. Will’s can easily be justified- we know he was quite horrified by clowns when he was younger. But El- it makes me wonder if there’s something more. We did have the fun fair in S3, but El was at Starcourt and wasn’t able to see it.

And they both stare out the window, paralleling. I wonder if El’s just distressed because she feels bad for hitting Angela, though. 

- Mike and El’s “you don’t love me conversation” parallels to Stancy.

Wheeler siblings can’t say I love you to their supposed love interest. 

-I don’t know wether to put this in Hawkins or California but I noticed this

- Will’s conversation with Mike overlaps the scene where Will looks at Mike. Will’s voice says “You can’t let him get to you” before we switch to the shot of Mike and Will on the car. I have a feeling this was done on purpose. I even originally thought this was Will talking to himself- not leading into another scene. So I do think this was intentional, this referring to Will & Mike instead. A deeper meaning. 

Will can’t let Mike get to him. They literally have bigger things to worry about. He has to put aside his feelings for Mike. 

- Will and Mike on the cars, in the middle of a junkyard, is a direct parallel to Lumax in s2. 

[strangebrew]

theoryposting once again! this time it’s about billy’s reverse audio message. before the end of the relocate project. the audio file above is a version in which i pitched it up slightly and slowed it down so i could hear the words more clearer.

disclaimer: this theory is pretty dubious. there’s a lot of shit we don’t know in regards to the walten files and a lot of things to figure out that hasn’t been shown yet, so take this with a grain of salt.

a lot of people seem to think it says a variety of different things, such as “the boy went to college, filled with knowledge. but never was wanted.” (which was actually debunked by martin walls in one q&a). however, i have a completely different interpretation. to me, it sounds more like...

“the blinds, which it colors, spoke to acknowledge, but never was content.” instead of colors, it could instead be saying “covers” but i’m pretty much confident on what i think what was said. first, i’m going to run down how i came to this conclusion, and then i’m going to explain what i think this could mean.

the first thing i did was obviously slow down and pitch the audio. secondly, i ran a few different versions of the audio (one slowed and not pitched, one pitched but not slowed, etc) through a transcription software to see if it could parse out any words/phrases/sounds i didn’t intially pick up on. the images you see below are its own transcriptions.

[first image i.d.: the text of the image reads, “the blind were to tell with knowledge, but never responded. yeah, absolutely.” in the corner of the picture, there is a percentage with a target next to it that says “61%”. end i.d.]

[second image i.d.: the text of the image reads, “a blind were to tellers truth to acknowledge, but never with auntie.” in the corner of the picture, there is a percentage with a target next to it that says “66%”. end i.d.]

[third image i.d.: the text of the image reads, “i buy for, to tell her with knowledge, but never was gone.” in the corner of the picture, there is a percentage with a target next to it that says “66%”. end i.d.]

now, here’s where a fault in my methodology comes in. see that number in the top of all the photos? that’s the accuracy percentage. since the audio is so garbled and there’s background noise in the clip, this hurts the accuracy of the transcription software.

despite all that, i think its still reliable due to the patterns displayed in all the images with its word recognition. in all the trials conducted, the software picked up on the word “knowledge” as well as “but never...”. 2 out of 3 of the transcriptions also picked out “blind” as one of the first words in the message. so although the software on its own probably isnt all that reliable at figuring out exactly what’s being said, i still believe there’s reliability in the word recognition patterns as a whole.

then there’s the most fun part of all! deciphering what it all means. :-)

like everything in the walten files, this message is very metaphorical and not to be taken literally. cutting to the chase, i think it’s about how the incidents at bon’s burgers are being covered up and ignored, and subsequently the spirits of the animatronics’ cries for help. what specifically makes me think this is the parting phrase of “spoke to acknowledge, but never was content.” it kind of reminds me of that one thing said in the secret episode lucky you. 

at one point in the video, the screen reads “they try to talk to us, through analog, they will be heard.” this is consistent with the fact that lucky you is the secret episode right after the relocate project. throughout the entirety of the walten files, there is a certain theme of the animatronics desperate cries being ignored and their stories being forgotten (either intentionally or unintentionally). they speak to acknowledge their own pain and unrest, but are routinely ignored and dare i say silenced, leading to their unsatisfaction and lack of contentedness.

this ties in with the context of the relocate project episode, of course, as we can see with the text flashing on the screen before the video cuts to the credits. it remarks that ashley, the assumed spirit that possesses billy the clown, had been screaming in the backdoors, only to be left there by her coworkers and for the facility to be shut down.

there’s also one more thing i’d like to bring up before concluding my analysis. there’s also a chance that the phrase could be “but never responded” instead of “but never was content”. both phrases work with my interpretation of its meaning, and it more likely says “content”, however i think “responded” makes more sense in the context of the phrase, what’s going on in the series, and the situation at hand.

as for the first part of the phrase “the blinds which it colors/covers...”, i have less of a grasp on its meaning. maybe it’s something that hasn’t been yet revealed to us, or doesn’t make sense yet because of missing parts of the puzzle that is the walten files. however i feel we’re supposed to interpret the blinds as being the animatronics and their spirits, if we’re just going off the rest of the phrase.

and...that’s all i got. i’m most likely definitely wrong on my theories, but hey, it never hurts to try right? so i thought i’d put all my walten files thoughts down and see if anyone else has any other additions, critiques, etc. by all means, if you have any ideas or counters or whatever about billy’s message, please send me an ask or reblog or something! i’d love to hear what others have to say on this subject.

[fourteenfifteen]

youre not stealing my sleepover monday we're just at the same sleepover !! how exciting im having fun. anyways: 🌻

we are Literally having a sleepover

i deeply love the band big thief they’re a band that took me a long time to Get but once they clicked for me i went oh my god. they’re amazing. because they are like genuinely adrianne lenker one of the best songwriters ever and i’m not joking or exaggerating i would not say that about like any other contemporary artist i listen to but i mean it. big thief are so good. anyways w them i tend to get into kicks on one song or another where i just keep putting it on and then sitting there not doing anything except for listening and maybe reading the lyrics and like Thinking and Feeling and lately i’ve been doing that with two songs called Haley and Masterpiece both of which devastate me and are wildly good. here are my thoughts on each

so haley is a love song but it’s a love song with a kind of ambiguously platonic ambiguously romantic tone where the speaker is talking to the titular haley and like thinking about the time that they’ve spent together and then saying that they’ll always have room for them. “if you ever want to come back / you know my arms are always open” (this kills the me it hurts). to me it all kind of reads like the speaker was friends w haley but always had some feelings for her and now they’ve both moved on and gone away and nothing is ever going to happen between them but there’s still that feeling of a person being special and important and wanting them to be cared for. that said tho it’s all very almost impressionistic like there are details but also it’s got these kind of hazy gaps and implications and places where the lyrics get very figurative which i love like the chorus where they’re offering space and a home to haley is the most concrete and direct part of the song. my actual fave thing about the song is the way the pitch rises and falls like the vocal melody is so beautiful and odd. especially especially the start of the chorus when lenker sings “and OH!!!” and jumps up a couple whole tones like it’s this very sudden airy high note that is so cool and lovely. great song

masterpiece. masterpiece fucks me up masterpiece gets to me okay like maybe it’s just the mommy issues but wow does it make me feel things. it is a song about having a complicated relationship with your mom lol and specifically like seeing your mom’s flaws and also knowing that you’ve inherited some of them and like both of you wanting to help the other and not totally being able to. and the turns of phrase in it are so so beautiful like “old stars filling up my throat / you gave ‘em to me when i was born / now they’re coming out” is just a very pretty string of words. i love the titular metaphor too like the first part of the chorus is “you saw the masterpiece / she looks a lot like you” and even just that like. seeing your daughter and/or mother as a masterpiece that looks a lot like you. the love and awe and admiration and also (sometimes uncomfortable) self-recognition. it gets to me. and really and truly i could keep listing lyrics i like from this song but i would eventually just have the whole thing lol it’s a great one. i don’t relate to every bit of it but the parts i do Hit and the parts i don’t Also Hit like it has personal resonance and also is beautiful and emotional and well made. masterpiece by big thief song of the summer

[doorsclosingslowly]

Would you be willing to give some director's commentary on the fic where Jesper is dead? I loved it so much, would love to hear about what went into some of the choices and scenes

Thank you! I’m excited about all the fics I publish but Another Dream About Shapeshifting is so dear to my heart and I guess the why’s gonna be super obvious as soon as I start rambling.

CN internalized ableism, suicidal ideation

Escape

The scene I thought up as soon as I read the prompt mashup. Kaz and Jesper, on the run from—nothing and everything, but mostly from Kaz’s feelings when he realizes he’s failed to help his bestie. Jesper’s death is a metaphor. This is a story about why it’s so hard to ask for and receive help while the pain’s still somewhat manageable.

He’s dealt with undiagnosed ADHD for as long as Kaz has known him, he’s never lived in a world that accommodates the way his brain works. Never had the support he needs. He’s never been at ease. When he breaks down (dies) it’s due to the same stress he’s suffered all along. Therefore: he didn’t appear any different, close to the edge. The breakdown whose details—distorted and literalized—guided this portrayal was going to the psych ward instead of killing myself because life was a ceaseless painful struggle (and then I got diagnosed as autistic and I’m getting care now but anyway)

Touchscreen

Kaz isn’t handling this well internally. He tells Jesper they’ll go drive because he knows things have to change or this will happen again, because he can’t admit he doesn’t want to let Jesper out of his sight, because he can’t articulate the guilt of overlooking how bad Jes was doing. Grandiose caring acts and silence, that’s Kaz. It’s illusory though to imagine you can always tell when people are at their breaking point: especially when they’ve been fighting forever, what from the outside is “normal” is already “extreme stress”. This theme will resurface in the beach scene.

Shopping centre

A filler but a fun one? By this scene I had decided on how to write post-death Jesper. I love body horror, but it’s not the vibe for this, so instead I went heavy on the synaesthesia and the flower eating, in a way alluding to the way Jesper’s processing and sensually enjoying the world around him again after it greyed out during the worst of his illness/stress/depression.

Supplies

More Kaz showing his stress, this time smoking relapse (by the way the reason why people in my fics tend to smoke Camels is due to an incredible song about how the Camel mascot’s face looks like a dick and balls). Kaz’s guilt shows back up, this time obliquely connecting Kaz’s pain after Jordie’s death with what could happen to Jesper’s friends and family if they found out they didn’t help Jesper.

Piss break

Filler. Bodily functions because I like the rootedness in the world and the body of these kinds of details. I don’t like driving and find the idea of Kaz Brekker: shitty slow driver funny. Plus, I imagine the Crows are all city creatures nowadays and don’t need licenses. Kaz drinks Monster energy drinks in memory of a fellow patient in the psych ward and also because I had the phrase “Kaz pounds a Monster” in one draft.

Texting

Jesper, not telling people what happened. just like he didn’t tell them he was struggling before. We’re back at another aspect of the main theme. The feeling of intruding into other people’s life if you ask for help that you can already guess will need to be substantial, and they’re all dealing with their own important issues and they’re just somehow better at coping than you. Then, trying to shield people from your pain because you know they’ll feel responsible. They’d feel responsible if they knew how long they have seen—but not *seen*--you struggle. Of course Jesper can’t tell his Da.

Doctors

I went to doctors and therapists and psychologists multiple times over more than a decade, and some of them helped sometimes but they there’d be something I’d need to organize by myself, calls I’d need to make, referrals I’d need to seek out, and I was too ill and stressed to do that while at the same time keeping my daily life in any way running. So I prioritized. Avoided the certain, immediate consequences of not showing up to classes or work. Until I couldn’t do that anymore, either.

Flat

Another filler for pacing reasons. “Apparently, being dead is just as much work as being alive, and Jesper wasn’t even good enough not to fuck that one up.” The external pressures don’t stop, even when you break down, another reason why Kaz’s panicked decision to take Jesper away from it all does actually help. The genital vore joke is because serious stories need jokes and because I like bringing up the fact that flowers are genitals.

Beach

Key scene. Kaz’s monologue about the way Jordie drowned in plain sight, fighting for life so hard he couldn’t shout, is paralleling Jesper’s trying to manage work and uni and looking like a neurotypical person so hard he’d got no strength or brainpower left to ask for help from doctors or friends and family, and they can’t see he’s sinking because he just looks like normal old Jesper. Jesper’s starting to affect the environment now, plants growing from his footsteps, partially because do you remember the forest god in Princess Mononoke?? that ruled so hard and partially because I wanted to show him growing stranger because there is no way to return to the old you after that kind of a breakdown.

James bond

None of the grand questions get resolved. Guilt. Help. The future. Instead, Kaz and Jesper indulge in the small solution they’ve found, moments when it’s fun to be alive. They’re making up spy stories because I was listening to the Kill James Bond podcast in the time period when I wrote this, very funny do recommend.

[stupidityismyjobsecurity]

What does Minotaur in a china mean? Only curious

So this is a bit of a story, and it gets pretty deep in the introspective/personal/self-critical kinda way, so apologies in advance if this is long-winded.

“Minotaur in a china shop” is a play on the phrase “bull in a china shop”. The original phrase is usually used to describe a situation requiring an amount of care or delicacy, into which someone or something without the required care or delicacy is thrown; sometimes to disastrous effect. It’s based on this theory that a bull in a china shop would knock something over, breaking it, which would make a loud noise which would spook the bull, which would break more things, more loud noise, more broken things until eventually everything was destroyed. (Since disproven by mythbusters, but it’s a gripping visual)

I’ve been referred to as a bull in a china shop only a couple of times, the most memorable describing the way I search a smoke-filled housefire, but I’ve always enjoyed how visual of a metaphor/simile it is.

The first time I heard the phrase “Minotaur in a china shop” it was the title to a computer game. The game was set in a literal china shop where you played the owner, an actual minotaur. The goal was to make money and you could do so in two ways: sell your wares to buying customers, or destroy enough of your shop that the insurance payout was enough to cover your losses. The controls were intentionally janky for an added level of difficulty and it was a fun little game with a decent skill curve and a funny premise, but the clever title and the fact that they based an entire game off of it was what stuck out to me.

That slight change was what made it such a fitting metaphor for my life. I usually consider myself fairly adept at navigating delicate and skillful physical situations without breaking anything as long as I don’t want to, but when it comes to emotional relationships, I seem to break a lot of people and I feel like I don’t really know what I’m doing. In the worst cases, it’s been very similar to the escalating nature of a bull in a china shop, where it becomes self-escalating destruction due to my unfamiliarity with the emotions involved/my fear of the situation being one of the root causes.

So that is why Minotaur in a China Shop is my blog header. It is the most fitting metaphor I’ve found for the duality that is my proficiency at working with things and how shit I am at working with intimate relationships.

[phoenixkaptain]

Okay but have we ever considered that the prequel trilogy was made for people like children or like neurodivergent people?

The main complaint I hear is about how they explain everything in dialogue. And yes, dialogue isn’t fun for kids all that often, but the dialogue does exactly what I like dialogue to do! It explains stuff that is difficult to show via visuals! It answers questions and it goes into details and it explains what’s going on!

Kids ask questions!!! What was the take-away from “losing” Kamino? That the mind of a child is a wondrous thing. And it is! BECAUSE kids ask questions!

Why are some Jedi more powerful than others? Why do Jedi have powers at all? Why do some of them have different powers from each other? Is the Force alive? Do they have a name for whatever the alive thing of the Force is?

Like, I asked these questions as a kid. I had these questions, but I thought “Star Wars won’t answer these questions because no series ever answers the questions I want to be answered-“ but I was wrong!! Star Wars did answer these questions and Star Wars did it in a way that I understood! It used dialogue!!! I don’t understand film metaphor, and I take things too literally on first viewing them, I have always had this problem, and the movies go out of their way to explain things in a way that makes it easy for me to understand them! In a way that makes it easy for a lot of people to understand them!

Look. The movies answered these questions that “no one had” because answering questions is one of the best ways to keep a kid’s mind going. If you constantly shoot down children’s questions by saying no one cares, you’re shooting down the kid. The kid is asking because they care, which is in direct contradiction to the phrase “no one cares” and also you just implied that the kid is no one. It’s only when you answer questions, or at the very least encourage them to seek out answers, that kids really flourish!

And in a world like Star Wars, which has so many mysteries, kids will have more questions than usual. But, I feel like that was purposeful. They want you to ask questions. They want you to wonder. They want you to want to know more, because the craving to know more is what fuels the whole way they tell the stories.

Also I just don’t understand what’s difficult to understand about midochlorians??? Like, they were pretty clear. They’re microorganisms. They have a silly little name and they determine power in people and I don’t get why people are confused. I’m not a child, but even as a child I understood that these things were a clear cut answer. Where does the confusion stem from? Please, am I the weird one for getting it? Do I actually not understand at all? I don’t get it, please help.

Star Wars was made, I’m pretty sure, with the idea that anyone could enjoy them. And, in doing so, it inevitably has to explain things in ways that people who don’t think like you do can understand. Because, as we all are aware, people don’t learn the same way. So yes, the prequels have long, boring sections where nothing happens but dialogue but you know what? I like that. I like that they try to answer questions. I like that they leave things mysterious, but they answer questions as a way of saying “The things that are mysterious are meant to be mysterious. They are meant to be confusing or confounding. You won’t get an answer because sometimes you just won’t ever have an answer.”

I don’t think the Force is supposed to be something that is mysterious. And maybe it’s becaise I read a lot of wuxia novels. Like, the Force is clearly another form of qi. A force that surrounds every living thing, but mastery of which means that you also have power over non-living things? That’s qi, dude. And while, yes, qi is confusing the first few times you read about it, that’s because it’s purposefully vague because it, like the Force, can be used in so many different ways. It isn’t supposed to be mysterious, it’s supposed to be mystical. If that makes sense.

Jedi clearly don’t all have the same powers or abilities. I mean, I really doubt that every single species has more than four limbs, more than two eyes, and more than one throat. There are aliens, and aliens are an endless expression of creativity and imagination. And so, it’s fun to explore how a mystical ancient power would work throughout an entire galaxy. It’s fun to note differences and similarities in beings that look entirely different. That’s one of the joys of science fiction as a genre.

I don’t know. I don’t know if I even explained any of this very well. But, I just don’t think the prequels were as bad as people say. Are they depressing? Yes, very. Are they boring at times? Every movie becomes boring at times when you have ADHD and understand the twist and are impatient for them to just announce you’re correct. Are they fun? Also yes.

The fight scenes are some of the funnest to watch in any movie, in my opinion, and the fact that the actors used real actual swordfighting comes across very well. The dog fights as well, they’re clear about which side is which and it makes them easier to understand and therefore more exciting to watch. The characters are interesting. It’s cool to watch Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padme all grow as characters as the years progress. And, okay, I like the clones a lot and I wish the best for them and I’d likw to lie down and cry and pretend that every single one of them lived and went on to do whatever they felt like doing with their lives and they each had a wonderful time and they’re all okay-

I think the prequels are over-hated. Over-criticized. Like, dude. This is a film series about space wizards with telekinetic powers who fight each other with flashlights. Calm down and have a bit of fun, why don’t you?

[scenicphoenix]

One No Longer-

Baa, Baa, Black Sheep

one no longer my wool is gone

ripped out by gnashing teeth

hooves broken off turned into claws

Shunned by my family and a target on my back

I ripped out my wool

covered in blood and ran away

and that’s a fact.

If my family won’t understand me

and my herd wants me dead

I might as well start anew

find a new home

and start a pack.

Surround myself by those

that have gone through the same thing

and understand

what it’s like to be alone

the isolation

in a family who refuses, gets defensive, and will never understand.

Baa, Baa, Black Sheep

one no longer my wool is gone

ripped out by gnashing teeth

hooves broken off turned into claws

shunned by the many and accepted by the few

shunned by my old family and accepted by the new

I tore myself asunder and built myself anew

I am what you would call a self made man

I chose this, This is my life

you have no say

I am Who I choose, not you.

-Blake -

Based off of the religious saying/quote A wolf in Sheep's clothing

and the poem Baa Baa Black Sheep

Supposed to be a fuck you to many religious people who see LGBT+ people as wrong and/or a sin. A more literal take on wolf in sheep's clothing I guess, although also an opposite take. the original religious quote has the wolf being the enemy/villain, because wolves eat sheep right? but it's only one wolf in a entire flock of sheep, the wolf is out numbered, the wolf is easily trampled. especially in a weak state of just finding out they are a wolf, turning into one like in the poem. It's a metaphor. for what you can easily guess, although if you also relate to it as well I won't stop you from relating to it.

ask to tag, if you have anything to tell me about the poem I don't mind critique as long as it's constructive or telling me something I needed to know that I may have not known like a misused phrase or word

I have tried to tag accordingly for things like implied self harm, religious themes, and gore

I was worried about posting this because of my anxiety and over thinking but I decided fuck it, why not. I worked hard on both the drawing and poem, other people should get to see other than me. I can always ignore bigoted people, and I try to be open minded to mistakes I make when someone tells me about them. I know the feeling of immediately defensive hostile people it's not fun

[throughalleternity]

Any thoughts re: Pool Cues?

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

You know this, and I'm going to paste it in anyway!

Maggie steps back to grab them drinks and then—and then Alex’s arms are pulling her in close, smooth and steady like she handles the cue, and the subsequent crack that Maggie senses when their lips collide must be in her head because there’s no teeth, only soft insistent lips as Alex rocks into Maggie, but it feels like fireworks going off in her body, sparking and crackling and bursting into color.

Recently I've also been into this, because of the metaphor and line it parallels (which I should probably fix up 😅):

There’s a crack and the thud of a ball falling into the pocket—but this time, it feels like something is falling back into place.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

The combo of the overarching metaphors and imagery, exposition, and mirrored/repeated phrases (as you pointed out!) makes the prose/vibe different, I think. Plus it has more plot than most of what I've posted lol. But I do think that changed how I approached the writing, and helped spark some of those overarching images (also driven by the fact that it followed canon so closely and I felt like there had to be something else other than Maggie being trans that was different).

11: What do you like best about this fic?

Aside from having fun with imagery, I just really like how this fit in and added layers to the existing canon. It's the most in-character I feel like I've written (I kinda hope, given that so much is literally canon), but it's also one of the fics that feels less personal to me specifically, and that's actually part of the reason why I like looking back at it too lol.

12: What do you like least about this fic?

I'm not sure about some aspects of the final scene at Alex's apartment? I wrote the fic in order and got tired at the end haha. I didn't spend as much time on that and it could probably be fleshed out.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

So, there's a lot I didn't put in here about some of the dating struggles that can come with being trans, since that wasn't the focus of the fic (chasers is one big one that I think is absent). But I hoped that readers who were less aware or who had never considered those left with a little more compassion—this one one of the fics where I had that audience more in mind.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

I learned that not having to plot or block scenes while writing frees up a lot of energy for thinking about other elements of writing. Which should probably compel me to do more revising/editing before posting, but alas, I'll probably keep doing the thing of posting only to come back with edits like a year later...