#you'd need someone to sit with him for like 2 hours a week to even have a shot

[chaoswillcalmusdown]

finally marked all the 8th grade maths tests and like. i've only just met them this august but 1 of them has 0 correct answers. 0 points out of like 50. i have no fucking clue what is happening in there. i have no clue how he's gotten to the second to last year of compulsory education and he doesn't have a standing appointment with a special teacher

[yinyuedijun]

TOKYO VICE | part 2

“Do you remember,” Suo begins, voice light, “how our master always talked about how important it is to engage with each other’s feelings?” You tense. “No,” you blurt out, and Suo laughs. “Of course not,” he plays along. “You were always so terrible at it. But I've been doing a bad job too, lately. So”—he reaches beneath your dress, hooks your thong with his fingers and starts pulling the fabric down your sticky thighs—“I wanted to have an honest conversation with you.” (Or: Tired of your lies and self-deception, Suo takes matters into his own hands and forces the truth out of you.)

12.8k words. suo x fem reader. deeply unserious yakuza au ft. yandere suo. mostly unrepentant smut, comedy, angst. warnings: sex work. nsft tags: afab reader, emotional sex, fingering, dacryphilia, orgasm denial, pussyjob, just the tip, creampie. suo is mean and makes you cry but there's no degradation, he's just a bastard lol. he also manhandles you a lot and you sit in his lap. dividers by @/cafekitsune!

part 1 here

You're surprised at Suo’s indifference to your sex life.

A month has gone by, and he’s made no comment on your habit of sleeping with customers, nor on the hours during which you come home—which are now even later than usual, since you have express permission to sleep with people and have no need to rush back to the penthouse after your ‘appointments’. And it isn't as if he's ignoring the reality of your late nights either. In a stunning show of respect for your personal freedom, he now actively offers to arrange for someone to pick you up from whichever love hotel you'll end up at. (You always decline, of course—if you're going to pretend to be his wife, you'd rather pretend to be a faithful one.)

Ironically, you had initially thought that Suo’s approval wouldn't matter either way. You had found the sex with your clients to be so uninspiring that it made you miss celibacy, so you were planning on stopping. But it turned out that you were deeply affected by the experience of sitting in Suo’s lap as he talked about his expectation of deciding whose cocks you should be allowed to take. It did something horrible to your sex drive, and thus you turned to work as your only outlet.

You spent around three weeks desperately trying to find a customer to satisfy your urges—or at the very least, to fuck you in a way that could get you to stop thinking of Suo whenever you got even a little horny. You were faced with utter failure in this pursuit, and in the end, bleakly resigned yourself to the reality that your shameful attraction to your best friend is incurable. You’ve now given up on the love hotel visits and simply take care of your needs with a vibrator instead. At least this way, you can actually say Suo’s name while you cum, rather than constantly reminding yourself to say your customer’s name instead.

The freedom of letting yourself fantasise about Suo has been exhilarating, but terrible for your friendship. It’s just difficult to sit across from him at breakfast and act like you haven't touched yourself at the table while he was gone, fantasising about what it would be like if he bent you over it and fucked you dumb. But you are a decent actor—hostessing demands that of you—so you don't think Suo has caught onto your carnal desires for him. Hopefully, he never will.

Another couple of weeks pass like this. Things are so calm that you come to believe that Suo is genuinely fine with you having some degree of sexual freedom, at least at work. This, however, turns out to be nothing short of naïvete.

After all, Suo is never forceful when he's upset with your decisions—but he also never fails to redirect them.

One spring evening, you show up at the kyabakura and are told that you’re only to see one customer tonight, and that it will be a private session.

“But we don't do private sessions here,” you say, blissfully unaware of your imminent suffering, “and we don't even have private rooms at this establishment.”

To this, your mamasan responds that the club is making an exception for this one guest, and that this guest has rented out the rooftop bar just to see you. When you ask just who this person might be, a look of mild panic flashes through her eyes. She grabs you by the shoulders and tells you to be careful. Just keep him happy and go home after, okay? she says. Don't go out for drinks, and definitely don't go to any love hotels. Don’t tell him your real name at any cost. You don't want to involve yourself with a man like him.

A sense of dread fills you as you step into the elevator.

A cool breeze greets you when you step onto the rooftop patio. Normally bustling with a raucous crowd, it almost feels eerie in its emptiness. Aside from the glow of the red light district beneath you and the city skyline in the distance, the only light is coming from the candles lighting one of the booths.

Your anxiety intensifies as you approach it.

You aren't very surprised at the sight of Suo lounging on a leather couch, dressed in full criminal regalia—infamous eyepatch, tassel earrings, and all. Sakura once mentioned that this club is connected to some colour gang, so you figure that the manager likely recognized Gui Yanzhao on sight. He probably suffered a minor angina when he did. The mamasan herself has no criminal ties to your knowledge, but she was probably informed that one of her girls was to entertain a high-profile yakuza, and she was likely worried that you'd been maimed in the process. Gui Yanzhao has a bit of a reputation for being a sadist, after all.

While you appreciate her concern, it is not Suo’s history of violence that scares you, but his history of antagonising you. On good days, there's nothing that delights him more than seeing you flustered or off-kilter. On bad days, there’s nothing that consoles him like spiteful retaliation against whomever's managed to piss him off—and you have, without a doubt, managed to piss him off.

You groan as soon as you see him, fearing the worst for your mental health.

“What are you doing here,” you say, and Suo smiles.

“Oh? You're not happy to see me?”

“No,” you moan. “How are you even here right now? Aren't you worried about being assassinated or something? Who did you terrorise to get an entire rooftop bar to yourself?”

“I have a very cordial relationship with all the major organisations on Keisei Street and was promised immunity during my visit tonight,” Suo says neatly. “And I didn't terrorise anyone. I simply walked into this fine establishment and politely asked for a private space to enjoy with my preferred hostess.”

Neither of you need to mention that the sight of the tassel earrings alone would be enough to terrorise someone. The manager probably felt like he was being extorted just from being on the receiving end of Suo’s smile. Actually, you currently feel like you're being extorted too.

You spend a good few moments giving him a look of open distress, to which he smiles.

“You know,” he says, “for a top-ranking hostess, you're not showing much hospitality right now.”

“Oh, for the love of—”

You force yourself to stop, remembering that you are, in fact, at work. Despite your mixed feelings about your industry, at the end of the day, you pride yourself on your work ethic. You take your job very seriously, and your job right now is to entertain your customer—even if said customer is your fake yakuza husband who is toying with you as a cat would a mouse.

Resigning yourself to a night of probable humiliation (one of Suo's greatest passions in addition to lying for comedy), you walk over to sit yourself next to him. And just like in Red Dragon’s lounge, Suo overturns the decision by pulling you into his lap. Your eyes go wide as he settles you on top of him—because unlike the intimate space of that crime scene, this is expressly forbidden behaviour at your club.

Also, unlike that other night, you are currently wearing the shortest dress imaginable and the tiniest thong you own.

You find yourself shivering as Suo's hand settles on your lower back, which is fully exposed thanks to the cut of your dress. You try not to focus on the calloused press of his fingers against your bare skin, but this is an exceedingly difficult endeavour, as his touch has been featured in your sexual fantasies for the past several weeks. Worse yet—your dress is now riding up your ass, and your thong isn't doing much to cover you. Whatever material his pants are made of—light, delicate—feels incredibly good against your thighs too.

If this continues, you might cum on the spot.

“Wait,” you say, and Suo raises a brow.

“Oh?”

“You aren't supposed to touch the hostesses here.”

He smiles. “I'm sure this place might be able to make an exception for me. But only if you are personally willing to, of course.”

“...”

Making an exception for him, in your current situation, would be among the worst decisions you've ever made. But after two of the most sexually frustrating months of your life, you’re ready to make horrible decisions.

“Fine,” you say. “But you better not cheap out on the drinks. The mamasan will only overlook this if you make it worth our while.”

“Of course,” Suo says. “Though I think she’d overlook a lot of things for me regardless.”

Suo makes good on his promise and orders a great deal of alcohol. All top shelf, of course. He laughs that his goal is to bring you to the number 1 ranking with his patronage alone tonight. It’s a hideous display of wealth.

As you pour him an absurdly expensive drink (a Hibiki 30 year-old blended whiskey), you reminisce on how little money you both used to have as teens. He had to be so careful with his wallet whenever he felt like visiting you—or rather, checking in on you—at work. Especially after your master passed. The two of you were very good about staying financially independent, but there was something comforting about your master’s promise to support you if anything ever happened.

With him gone, you and Suo had only financial paranoia and each other.

You guess that might have affected Suo more than you thought. Perhaps he didn't join the yakuza to spite you, but to support you. Certainly, he seems to enjoy spoiling you right now—treating you to drinks that would easily clear a year of his salary as a teen, buying out an entire night of your time at a high end club, renting out a whole floor just so that he can have you to himself. When you point out that his tab must be getting catastrophic, he only laughs.

“I did always say that I wanted to spend money on you,” he recalls. It had been a running joke during your days at the girls’ bar, when you scolded him for paying 3000¥ per hour just to visit you. You hated that he was wasting money on the red light district; he always replied that it wasn't a waste, because it was money spent to see you.

You feel your stomach flutter at the comment. You didn't think he'd remember words from so long ago. As a teenager, you had a tendency of clinging onto small, inconsequential moments with him because they brought you so much joy. You’ve always assumed he would have forgotten them, writing them off as instances of shallow teasing—but if he remembers, then surely they meant something to him too?

This would all make you feel sentimental if you weren't outrageously horny.

Suo has kept you on his lap the whole evening, even as you pour him drinks. Every movement to serve him has you involuntarily rubbing on his thigh, and you're quite certain at this point that he's been lifting your skirt up inch by inch with every casual touch on your waist. You don't bother accusing him of it, though. He'd just give you an innocent look and say that it was an accident. What a horrible man.

Accident or not though, it doesn't change the fact that your nearly bare cunt is pressed right against him. You keep trying to shift positions to pull down your skirt or lift yourself off him, but each attempt only makes it worse—brings the soft fabric of his pants right against your pussy, or makes your clit drag against his thigh, with only your thong separating your bodies. You try to suppress your arousal, but to your overwhelming horror, you can't seem to control yourself. You feel yourself getting wet, folds quickly becoming slick as you’re forced to grind on him. Your body, already warm from all the cocktails and shots, grows even hotter as you squirm on his lap.

In a desperate move to regain some control, you fully get up to reach for another drink. But then you feel a pair of hands on your waist, and Suo pulls you back onto his leg—this time forcing you to straddle it. You can't help the whimper that leaves you as your dripping cunt is spread and pressed against him, your clit throbbing against his thigh.

You pray that he doesn't notice the noise, so of course he does.

“Hm? Is something wrong?” Suo’s hand drifts over your waist and down to your thigh, where it ghosts over your bare skin. He leans in, and his voice is silky as he speaks into your ear: “You're moving around a lot. Do you need to get up?”

He’s giving you an out. It's quite considerate of him, as staying like this would not be a good decision. But for better or worse, you have a tendency to make bad ones.

“...no, I'm fine.”

“Good,” he says. “Let me know if you’re uncomfortable at all. I'm happy to move if you'd like.”

As if demonstrating, Suo shifts the leg you're sitting on, directly rubbing it against your core. You try not to shudder, feeling yourself get even wetter, clenching around nothing.

Trying to ignore how empty you are, you grasp for other topics of conversation, something to distract you. A little scrambled from the alcohol and catastrophically aroused, you of course land on the one that's been making your sex drive unmanageable.

“Remember a month ago,” you say, “how you talked about choosing who gets to touch me?”

“Yes.” His palm is warm against your thigh. He isn't moving it, so there's plausible deniability, but the amused tone of his voice suggests that he knows what he's doing. “Does that bother you?”

Of course it should bother you. It's a level of control that's appalling even to your anxiously-attached ass. But it’s also making you wetter right now. You try not to cry—from misery or sexual frustration, you're not sure.

“Well, yeah. Come on, Suo—even you should know that's really weird of you.”

“I do,” he says, smiling like he isn't admitting to deranged behaviour. “But how else am I supposed to know you're safe? Or even aside from being safe—if your needs are being met.” His hand runs up and down your thigh before settling at the hem of your dress. “I wouldn't want you to go unsatisfied. Who knows what kind of people you'd seek out if that happened.”

You actively stop yourself from putting your face in your hands. The gall of him saying this after forcing you into extended celibacy is beyond words, especially as you're being forced to rub up on him, effectively ruining every attempt you've made not to think about him sexually for the past several years. There are many materially consequential reasons for your decision to not fuck Suo—you should not be soaked through your panties, your thighs sticky with need, as you sit on his lap.

“That's,” you say lamely, “not very normal of you.” Trying for a less sensual conversation, you go for the reliable topic Sakura’s romance radar: “Also, if satisfaction was your concern, why did you choose Sakura? I love that guy a lot, but he has literally no experience. And I think he'd blue-screen trying to keep a friend with benefits. You know he can't handle a fuckbuddy.”

You are not trying to be mean. What Sakura objectively needs for his first time is someone sweet and emotionally competent and, most importantly, not an absolute freak like you. This is a failure of your character, not his.

You can hear Suo’s smile in his reply: “I don't think you're giving him enough credit.”

“He has the social skills of a feral cat.”

Suo genuinely laughs. “Sure, when he first came to Makochi. But he's much better now. Plus, you have no room to talk. I mean”—his breath sweeps over your ear—“you used to be pretty wild yourself. I've just domesticated you is all… though you've been misbehaving lately.”

His words do something horrible to you. Trying to distract yourself from the mounting sexual tension, you turn to him to give him a biting retort, but you're abruptly stopped by the look in his eye. Distinctly hungry and unrepentant in its desire, his gaze roams openly and shamelessly along the curves of your body.

You feel like you're being eaten alive.

Plenty of customers have looked at you in such a way when you wear this outfit, but none have had this effect on you—which is to say, making you clench immediately.

You try not to cry. You actually will cum on the spot at this rate, and you don't think you could be subtle about it. You're barely keeping it together right now, with how your pussy keeps fluttering and dripping. Coupled with the way that the alcohol is melting the edges of your self-control, you're shocked you haven't at least moaned yet.

In a last ditch effort to save your friendship, as well as your rental (house arrest) situation, you slap a hand over his mouth.

“Stop that.”

Suo laughs. He grabs your wrist, lifts your palm away. “Why?”

Why? Because if you keep talking like that, I'll bend over and start begging you to fuck me! you think. But even in your inebriated, horny state, it feels like a poor idea to admit this aloud. You end up saying, “Hostesses aren't paid to flirt like this. Strictly speaking, we’re paid to be conversational partners.” You frown at him. “You're breaking a lot of club rules right now.”

This reprimand backfires on you, as you are suddenly filled with intrusive thoughts of breaking every single rule in this establishment with Suo, including the ones preventing you from climbing on top of him and riding him raw. You squirm at the thought, wishing you could close your legs rather than making a mess of your underwear (now a lost cause), but Suo’s grip stays firm on your waist.

He, himself, is unbothered by your scolding. “Okay,” he says simply. “Then I won't speak to you as a hostess. I want to speak to you, seriously, as a friend.”

His smile is so disarming, it makes you nervous. But he sounds earnest enough for you to be curious, and anyway, you're desperate for something to distract you from your wet cunt.

“Alright,” you acquiesce, “What do you have to say, as a friend?”

“I just have one question.”

“Sure. Shoot.”

His hand comes to rest in your thigh again. He leans in, breath so hot against your ear that your heart jumps.

“I can accept that you wanted to see customers just to satisfy your urges. But tell me why you didn't come to me first.”

You freeze up. Look at him, wide-eyed.

“Wh-what?”

Suo just smiles. Looks so fucking innocent you wonder if you misheard, but his voice is sharp when he replies: “Let me put it another way. Why have we never slept together?”

For some reason, you’ve never thought that he'd ask you this question point blank, even though you've asked it to yourself many times. It takes you several moments to piece together a response, during which Suo’s expression turns distinctly wicked. A sign that he smells blood.

“Why would you think we would have?” you ask carefully.

“Because we’ve both clearly thought about it. You especially.”

You try to keep a straight face. “No I haven't. I don't know what you're talking about.” You raise a brow. “How would you even know?”

“Because,” he says, hand inching up your thigh, “you’re so wet that I can feel it.”

You're mortified.

Shame floods your body, first because of the accusation, and then because you know it's true. You were tipsy enough not to think about this, but now—sobering up from sheer panic— you're acutely aware of how you've soaked through the fabric beneath you. Something that Suo had certainly known, and chose to encourage.

What a horrible man.

When you don't reply, he tilts his head. “Don't tell me you haven't noticed. Do you want me to show you?”

His hand is moving so slowly, you know he's giving you another out. You could easily get off his lap. You could even slap him and call him a sleazy drunk and grouse at him to go home. You could forgive him in the morning for coming onto you and say he'd obviously made an inebriated mistake, as opposed to a very calculated decision. Your friendship would stay mostly intact. His grip on you might tighten, but that would be fine. You would still get to stay with him.

And that's all you've ever wanted. Just to stay with him.

But you're so wet, so empty, so aching. You want to be touched. You want to be touched by Suo, and only by Suo. You want to be fucked by him, to be owned by him, to be ruined by him. You’ve wanted it so badly and so long that you can't even remember when it started—only that you want it to end.

So instead of moving away, you sit there and endure the humiliation of getting your cunt inspected by him.

Suo hums as he opens your legs. You suppress a whimper as a finger moves along your folds, at the noise it makes as it runs through your slick. “Look, you’re so wet,” he murmurs into your ear. He finds your clit—swollen, neglected, and you whimper as he starts to draw slow, lazy circles around it. “Poor thing.”

“It’s only because you had me grinding on you the whole night,” you say through gritted teeth. “It doesn't—ngh—doesn’t mean I’ve been wanting to fuck you.”

You sound pissed enough that you'd convince anyone else, but you know, even without seeing his face, that Suo can tell you're bullshitting.

“You’re not a good liar,” he remarks. A fine teacher even when humiliating people, Suo can't help but add, “If you have to tell a lie, at least come up with a believable one.”

“What makes it unbelievable?” you reply, words clipped off by a sharp inhale as he starts rubbing your pussy.

“Well,” he starts nonchalantly, as if he isn't toying with your cunt, “after you were targeted in that succession conflict, I put hidden cameras in the area, and also in our suite.”

Your eyes go wide. Even in your aroused state, the implications are making you panic. “You—you what?”

“It was for security purposes,” he dismisses casually, as if he's not admitting to a serious invasion of privacy. “Only near the front door and the common areas. I just wanted to catch intruders and any suspicious behaviour from my men. But imagine my surprise”—you feel his fingers start to press into your cunt—“when I instead caught you fucking yourself on the couch and moaning my name.”

You’re mortified. Humiliated. Mind racing with every instance you were horny and stupid enough to touch yourself in a common space. You think about yelling at him about the cameras, but then you feel two fingers sinking into you, and now you aren't thinking about much at all.

Your mind goes blank as you're stretched open by him. Your cunt is so wet, so empty, but the feeling still makes you whine. Your brow furrows, and you give him a pleading look. Slowly, please.

“Don't worry,” he says in a soothing tone, “I know you can handle this. I've seen you take much bigger. Though”—he shifts, pulls you so you're in between his legs, and now you can feel the length of him against you, hard and aching and huge, what the fuck—“maybe not big enough.”

You tighten around his fingers as he grinds against you. You want him inside you so badly, it hurts. Suo laughs when he feels your desperation, and he sounds so amused that you can't help but feel ashamed. But even more than shame, you feel aroused. You take the rest of his fingers easily, down to the knuckle.

“What the fuck, Suo,” you eventually manage through your panting, though not with much bite. “You weren't—ahh—meant to see any of that.”

“Sorry,” he says, sounding deeply unapologetic. “If it makes you feel any better, I didn't watch much, and I deleted all of it. I didn't need to see that to know you have feelings for me.”

You tense. “What feelings?” you ask, and Suo stops. He pulls his fingers out of you—you breathe sharply at the loss—and manhandles you until you're straddling his lap. Forces you to look at him, into his one eye. It's knife-sharp, brutal, but familiar. You don't struggle, nor do you feel uneasy.

But you do feel like prey.

“Do you remember,” he begins, voice light, “how our master always talked about how important it is to engage with each other’s feelings?”

Fuck.

“No,” you blurt out, and Suo laughs.

“Of course not,” he plays along. “You were always so terrible at it. But I've been doing a bad job too, lately. So”—he reaches beneath your dress, hooks your thong with his fingers—“I wanted to have an honest conversation with you.”

He smiles at you. Actually looks kind and even sounds earnest. What a fucking sociopath. You allow him to slide your underwear down your legs, kicking them off. Now your pussy is completely bare to him, and you can hear the way his breath stops as he touches it again. Three of his fingers push in this time, and you pant openly at the stretch, leaning against him as your body trembles from the stretch. He flexes his fingers experimentally, watching your reactions—your whimpers, your sighs, the way your eyelashes flutter when he brushes that one spot inside you.

“I’ve always had feelings for you,” he starts, using that nonchalant, delicate tone—the specific one that suggests danger, “and I know you’re too smart to have missed that. I’d be fine with it if you didn't return them, but you do.”

“I don't,” you protest, and then his fingers curl and press into your g-spot. You're cut off immediately, gasping at the sudden wave of heat in your belly.

A hand comes up to your chin. He forces you to look at him. “I said I wanted to have an honest conversation, remember.”

“I–I am being honest, I—” Your voice breaks as he starts pumping his fingers. It's slow, gentle, but precise. Tension builds in you at an alarming rate, your thighs getting as slick and messy as his hand. You bury your face into the crook of his shoulder, breathe in his cologne and gasp into his skin, and your mind goes hazy from the euphoria of his touch. Sure, you've hugged Suo before, been held by him before, and god knows you've been touched like this by a ton of other people before—but it feels different now. It feels different when it's Suo who's touching you, different when you’re this close to him while he's drawing all this pleasure out of you. When one hand feels so good inside you and the other one is holding you so intimately.

“Suo,” you whimper, overwhelmed by hot tension in your belly, “I-I’m close, I’m close, oh fuck—

He stops.

Before you can comprehend what's happening, he’s withdrawing his fingers, and all the heat in you is melting away. Your orgasm lost, you come down from your high—nerves frayed, emotions taut.

“Suo,” you say, “what the fuck?”

He gives you a smile. It almost looks nice. “I'm not letting you cum until you tell me the truth.”

You’re going to cry.

You're so wet, so empty, so desperate, and now you feel oddly afraid. You don't like the way he's staring you down. You don't like this line of questioning, this bullshit of engaging with other people's feelings. You’ve never liked it. But you need—need—him to fuck you. You need his fingers inside you and you need to cry into his neck while you finish.

You say, very quietly, “Please, Suo.”

“Please, what?”

It's funny. You've performed begging and crying and submission for countless clients, sometimes during annoyingly rough sessions. You've done it for years. But nothing has ever felt so humiliating as this moment, when you ask your best friend, in the smallest voice possible, “Please touch me.”

“No. Not until you start being honest with me.”

Suo's mouth curls at the devastated look you give him. You hardly even notice that he's adjusting you, having you straddle his thigh again—this time, facing him. You don't register it until your cunt is pressed into the wet spot you left earlier and he's saying, “You can move if you'd like. But I'm not touching you.”

“You’re fucking horrible,” you say with all your heart, but your pussy is throbbing and you're desperate for release. So you finally do what you were desperately trying to stop yourself from doing the whole night—you start grinding on him. Like a fucking animal in heat. It's embarrassing, especially because his leg feels so good against you. The friction on your pussy makes you pant, your eyes squeezing shut as your clit finally gets some pressure. It makes up for the way he’s looking at you, which is sly, handsome, and rage-inducing all at once.

“You really do need to be touched,” he remarks softly. “You said your customers satisfied you. Was that true? Did they properly fuck you?”

“N-no,” you gasp. Your mind feels so cottony now that you're getting some relief. You can barely think, and definitely not enough to lie. “It was—it was—fuck, I never came.”

He hums, satisfied. “There—see? Telling the truth isn't so hard. You can do it again.”

He sounds so condescending. You would ordinarily hate it, but for some reason, it's going straight to your pussy right now, making you drip so much you know you've ruined his pants. You’re getting close, too, just by rubbing yourself on his leg. It doesn't feel quite as good as when his fingers were in you, but it’s something. And it’s making it hard to focus on what he's saying.

“It’s fine if you can't be honest about your feelings,” Suo continues. “Let's assume you're telling the truth, and all you want to do is fuck me. Why haven't you?”

You try to answer him, but you can't. You're too focused on the roll of your hips against his leg. There's too much tension, too much heat. You melt against him again, breathing heavily into his shoulder as you tighten around nothing. His hands come to your waist, as if grounding you, and somehow this makes everything feel even better. You start panting, babbling, I'm close, I'm getting close, Suo, Suo—

His grip tightens, and he stops you in place. You cry in frustration—no tears, but the noise you make is broken.

“Answer my question,” he says. You feel a hand glide along your bare skin, stopping at your inner thigh. “Answer me and I'll touch you.”

“Okay,” you say, as desperate as you are distressed. “Okay, I'll do anything. Anything.”

“Good.” He sounds so pleased.

You put your arms around his neck, for no reason other than you want to. Lifting your hips, you part your legs for him, and you feel so relieved at just the touch of his hand that you sigh—even though all he's doing is running a finger along your slick folds.

You shudder as his fingers play with your sex. Lean your head on his shoulder as he starts to move. You’re so desperate that you start grinding against his hand, whining for him.

“Well, then,” he murmurs. “Tell me why you didn't come to me. This is all you wanted, isn't it?” He rolls your clit between two fingers, making you squirm. “Just to get off, right? I could have done that. You'd have enjoyed it more.”

“It”—your eyelids flutter shut—“it would have been too complicated. Y-you’re my boss, and I pay rent to y-you, and we’ve been friends for so long, I didn't want to make it weird—”

Suo delivers a sharp slap to your pussy.

The contact is so sudden that you yelp. It only stings a little, but it makes your clit ache. The noise it makes is so wet, so filthy, telling of your desperation. And to your shame—even though you have never once in your life enjoyed being handled roughly by your customers—your cunt starts leaking in response.

You whimper, about to burst from frustration. You need to be touched so bad. You need to be touched by him so bad, and you need to cum on his cock or else you'll lose your fucking mind.

“Suo,” you complain, or beg, and you don't even realise that you're tearing up until he swipes his thumb under your eye.

“Try again,” he says gently, but not kindly. “The truth this time, and then I'll make you cum. Why didn't you come to me first? These past few months, or any other time?”

You don't answer him. “Suo, please—” And he moves back so that you're no longer leaning against him. Your lip trembles at the loss of the warmth, which somehow feels worse than the loss of your orgasm. An actual tear rolls down your cheek, and he doesn't wipe this one away.

“Answer me,” he says firmly. Instead of replying, you try to reach for him—wanting to be pressed against his body again, wanting him to draw pleasure out of yours again—but he stills you with his hands.

You feel devastated.

Out of horny, emotional desperation, and an all-consuming need to be fucked, you admit, “I was just scared!”

This is the worst mistake you've ever made.

The minute the words dislodge from your throat, you feel yourself choke up. You don't know why. All you know is that you suddenly can't hold back your tears from your sexual frustration, which for some reason is starting to feel distinctly like a non-sexual kind of angst, which is also strangely painful for your chest.

Because now that you've said it out loud, you can't ignore it.

You want to hide. You want to crawl out of his lap and run out of the establishment. Surely, the mamasan will forgive you for leaving a shift with such a frightening and horrible man, who is currently trying to extort your feelings out of you. But Suo’s grip is solid and unforgiving on you, and all you can do is squirm.

“Scared of what?” Suo asks. His voice has gone soft. Actually soft—not in a way that suggests danger, but a way that suggests you're loved. It makes you tremble.

His arms circle you, and one rubs at your back. It makes you relax very slightly. Or at the very least, it makes you stop wanting to bolt.

“What were you scared of?” he prompts again.

A feeling of defeat washes over you. Suo will figure you out sooner or later. He always does. So you tell him, very quietly, “I was scared that—that you'd leave me.”

You realise that you just stuttered. You stuttered because you're crying. You're actually, genuinely crying. Not from sexual frustration, but because you're just frustrated in general. And miserable. You've been chronically miserable for most of your life, and that misery has had nowhere to go until now.

You press your face into Suo’s shoulder, and he lets you. You breathe deeply in an attempt to stop crying, his cologne washing over you. It's nice, but what feels most comforting is just the scent of him. You're used to it from the days before he'd ever thought about using a fragrance, let alone a fragrance that would bankrupt the average person. It's calming, even when overlayed with ambergris and vanilla. Familiar.

Your breathing evens out a little—but only a little.

“Why would I leave you?” His voice is so kind, patient. More tears bead on your lashes.

“Because you might not want me anymore.” You sound so fragile. Shit, you are fragile. You can't stop the splintering feeling in you, the same one that ate at you two months ago when you thought he was going to leave you. “You could get tired of me or resent me or get bored with me. You could—you could want to throw me away, for no reason. Or—” You breathe in sharply, clinging to him harder.

“Or?”

“Or you could die—you joined the yakuza, so you could die. Why did you do that?” An actual sob leaves you. His shirt is getting wet. You ruined so many of his silk changshan like this in the past, when your boyfriend cheated on you and when your parents kicked you out and when you slept with your fifth customer.

And when your master died.

“I'm still so fucking mad at you for it,” you bite out around your tears. “If you got fucking killed—oh my god, I can't even think about it. I can't—I couldn't take it if—if I kissed you, and we had sex, and then I didn't have you anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re the only thing I have.” You squeeze your eyes shut, a terrible realisation hitting you. “And…”

“And?”

“And,” you say, voice breaking, “I think because I love you?”

You know it as soon as you voice it. You do love him. Not just platonically, but in the way where you want to hold his hand and kiss him and marry him. In the way a miserable nineteen year old girl is so in love with her miserable best friend that she refuses to leave him despite how terrifying he’s becoming. You loved him in this way before you realised you wanted to have sex with him, and even after that, you loved him so much that it didn't matter that he wasn't having sex with you.

You love him so much it disgusts you.

You want to hide, but Suo forces you to look at him. He brushes away your tears, cups your face. The Pavlovian response takes over: your heart rate slows, and you calm down.

“There,” he says gently. “That wasn't so bad, was it?”

He’s wrong. You bet he knows he's wrong. That was objectively one of the worst experiences of your life. You feel wrung out, tenderised. You never thought you'd say any of that. You're not sure you knew most of that.

But in Suo’s arms, plied open with his words and his hands, you actually find yourself shaking your head. You lean into the touch of his palm.

“I love you,” he continues, his tone so authoritative and calm that it leaves no room for doubt, “probably to the point that it should scare you. Do you understand that?”

“Yes,” you say quietly.

“And we won't be separated. I won't allow anything to take you away from me. Do you understand that too?”

You make a noise, halfway between a relieved sigh and another sob. This declaration should not be a surprise from a man who’s effectively locked you up in his house. Still—your heart feels so light when you hear someone say, for the first time in your life, that they’ll stay with you no matter what. It's like Suo has just unearthed a weight that you didn't know you'd been carrying.

“I’ll try,” you reply, voice small.

“Good.” He strokes your cheek. “Do you want to keep going?”

It’s absurd. You just cried and confessed something terrifying. With anyone else, this would be an experience so horrifying that you'd leave right now and never come back. Your sexual desire should not just be gone, but permanently erased. At the very least, you shouldn't feel the slightest bit horny.

But somehow, being gutted by Suo hasn't left you feeling bad. It's left you feeling lighter. Kind of like you've been purged. You feel exhausted, but in a malleable way. Dazed and relieved to be in his lap. Your thighs are still embarrassingly sticky, heart still embarrassingly wobbly, and you just heard him say that he loves you.

Now you want to hear him say it while he's cumming inside you.

“Yeah,” you admit immediately, pathetically. You sniffle.

“You're sure?” Another stroke. “I want to hear you say it clearly. What do you want to do?”

Your dignity is gone. “I want you to fuck me.”

He smiles. A fond hum leaves him. “Good girl,” he murmurs, and you feel a flutter in your belly. “I'll take care of you now.”

He kisses you this time, before he touches you. On the neck, on your jaw. You bare your nape to him, shivering at the feeling of his lips on your jugular, at his nipping teeth on your skin. You realise he's leaving marks, and with each one, you shudder. It feels so intimate. You're on a rooftop bar, in a skanky hostessing dress, crying and strung out—but this is the closest thing you've ever gotten to one of your fantasies about him. Not the nasty ones that you think about when you're home by yourself, but the ones you think of when you're in bed with various salarymen. The ones where you get to lie with him in bed and press your lips to his.

“Suo,” you start.

“Hayato,” he corrects you. “You're my fiancée now, remember? We should be on a first name basis.”

Your stomach flips. “Hayato,” you try again, breathless. “Please.”

He takes a moment to reply, busy sucking another mark into your skin. “Please, what?”

You hesitate. Suo pulls back, looking at you. You whine, feeling shy all of a sudden. You flirt for a living and yet you feel embarrassed about your request. It's humiliating.

“Please, what?” he repeats. His mouth is curled in a smile, and you can't tell whether it's endeared or entertained. “Please let you cum? Please fuck you?”

“Please kiss me,” you say, in a small voice.

Suo pauses.

“What?”

“Please kiss me,” you beg. Close to tears again, for some reason you don't know. You think it surprises him as much as it does you.

It takes him a moment to recover, but when he does, he gives you a look that’s fucking ravenous.

His thumbs away the wetness from your eyes. “You're so cute sometimes. Did you know that?”

You flush. Plenty of customers have called you cute, but none have had you feeling so indignant nor shy.

“I’m not,” you reply, “and stop that.”

“But it's true. And I want you to know it.”

Suo presses his mouth to yours before you can respond. You're so eager for him that you part your lips immediately. Your instinct is to make your first kiss with him messy and desperate, but he’s in full control, and he’s taking his time. His tongue is careful and precise. Full of intention. His lips are slow, languid, and lazy, like he's savouring the taste of you. A hand plays with the strap of your dress. You feel him slide it off your shoulder—the other one quickly follows—but you’re so absorbed in his kiss, you hardly pay attention.

You're vaguely aware of the breeze against your bare chest. One of his hands moving up, feeling out your curves. He hums into your mouth when his fingers ghost over your nipples, and they harden under his touch.

“Suo,” you whine as he teases them, and he pinches one of them, watching as you squirm.

“Hayato,” he corrects you promptly, and you give him a worn, teary look.

“Hayato.”

“Yes?”

“I need more,” you say quietly.

He smiles, clearly enjoying your desperation. “Be patient,” he teases you. “I’m getting there.”

He kisses a line along your jaw, down your neck. Traces your collarbone with the path of his mouth, works his way down to your breasts. At the same time you feel the heat of his tongue on your nipple, his hand reaches between your legs. You're so wet already that he doesn't need to work you open again—just sinks his fingers inside you until you're sighing for him.

You discover that when he's not antagonising you, Suo is frighteningly efficient with pleasuring you. He learns quickly how you like your tits played with, and how to fuck you so well with his fingers until you're gushing around them and keening. He said he'd take care of you, but you think he's mostly forcing all this pleasure from your body for his own enjoyment. There's no other explanation for how he keeps bringing you to the edge and pulling you back, swallowing each of your whines and complaints with his mouth. The only time he isn't kissing you is when you're begging—and you don't miss the way his breathing deepens every time you do.

But no matter how much you beg, he isn’t letting you cum.

“Look at the mess you're making,” he murmurs as he plays with your cunt. You're sitting between his legs again, your back against his chest. You can feel the length of his cock against your ass, and you hear how his breath hitches every time you squirm against it. Except for that one tell, he sounds completely unaffected by what he's doing—forced you to open your legs wide for him, spread your glistening folds to tease you. The leather beneath your ass is wet, ruined by your need.

“Hayato,” you whine.

“Just a little longer,” he promises, “and then I'll let you cum.”

Your mind is so fogged with pleasure at this point that you can't focus on anything other than Suo’s touch. You’ve actually forgotten where you are—not a truly private space, but part of a club. The girls would normally only come up if you put in an order, but you haven't for a while now.

Long enough for someone to check on you without warning.

You tense as soon as you hear the door open. You recognize the server—she knows you well, by face, stage name, and real name. Your eyes go wide as she calls for you. You try to sit up, close your legs, but Suo grabs one of your thighs and forces it open.

“Suo, wait—”

You whimper, incapable of words when his fingers push into you again. He starts fucking you with them, and in earnest this time—curling his fingers until they're pushing into your g-spot, doing it over and over and over. Your eyes roll back and you stop struggling, and Suo takes the opportunity to touch you with his other hand too, playing with your clit. A strangled moan leaves you as the heat in your gut ratchets up. Pleasure swells in your belly; you feel like you're going to burst.

“Suo,” you cry, tears pricking your eyes, “wait, wait, my coworker—wait, I think—I think I'm gonna—”

“Go ahead,” he says into your ear, voice silky, and he pushes against your sweet spot in a way that gives you no choice but to obey him.

You cum so hard that you squirt all over the seat. Your whole body is wracked with intense pleasure—hips bucking violently, legs twitching, crying so loudly and shamelessly that your coworker naturally hears. She catches you spread wide open in Suo’s lap, his fingers deep in your messy, swollen cunt as you drench them.

Her tray clatters to the floor.

Fighting the mindless haze that your body is in, you glance at the other girl, whose hand is over her mouth. She looks appalled. She’s going to yell at you. But then you then watch, in real time, as her eyes travel to your customer’s face and she realises who he is. If she was red when she saw the two of you, she's now a pale white.

“Did you come to check on us?” Suo asks. He sounds amused. She flinches at his voice, and actually takes a step backward. “We’re fine for now. We’ll order something in a bit, and call you up here as usual.”

“O-okay,” she says, voice high and tense. “I—I’ll leave you two, then. Please—please enjoy yourself, sir. We'll be available in case you require any other services.” And she walks away briskly, almost in a run. She doesn't even bother to stop the expressly forbidden act that you're engaged in.

Once she’s gone, Suo allows you some dignity. He pulls his fingers out of you, lets you catch your breath.

“Oops,” he says. “It’s too bad they caught us. I suppose they won't want to keep you on as an employee, since you broke such an important rule.”

You stare at him, wide-eyed. Your emotional and sexual pliability quickly dissipates, replaced by disbelief.

“You—you did that on purpose,” you say between pants, too fucked out to be truly angry, but still appalled.

Suo raises a brow, gives you an innocent look. “Did I? I was just making you cum, like you've been begging all night. It was just unfortunate timing.” He then smiles, which makes him look incredibly kind despite the apparent sadism of his person. “But it's fine. They're going to fire you for this, but you know my club will always take you back.”

You close your eyes and groan. “You’re horrible.”

“I am, aren't I?” Suo puts his arms around you, kisses you on the shoulder, his voice getting low. “But this is a better arrangement, don't you think? You won't need to see customers this way. Every time you need relief, you can come upstairs and I'll give you my cock instead.” He grinds against you, letting you feel how hard he is, and you whimper. He laughs, probably entertained at how desperate you sound. “Or maybe I'll just make you take it whenever I feel like it. I think at the end of every shift makes sense, doesn't it? Since that's how often you've been touching yourself on the couch.”

“S-suo.”

“It’s Hayato now, remember. What is it, dear?”

He sounds so smug, mocking you. You should be furious. But in your fucked out state, all you can focus on is the idea of being forced to take Suo's cock every night. Despite already being ruined, your pussy starts throbbing again. You squirm and press your thighs together, trying to get it to stop—you’re so fucking tired—and you bleakly realise that you can't control your body’s reactions around him. You're getting wet again. It makes you want to cry.

“Hayato,” you whimper, on the verge of tears.

“Ah, you addressed me properly. Good.” He’s so satisfied. “What is it?”

“I…”

“You?”

“I”—your voice is so small and embarrassed, you can hardly believe it—“I want you to fuck me.”

He feigns shock, as if he wasn't actively provoking this. “Really? But you just came.” A hand prods between your legs. You obediently spread them for him, and he checks your pussy with two of his fingers. You moan a little at the intrusion, but there's no resistance at all.

Your cunt, still dripping, tightens around him, and he laughs softly.

“You really do need a cock in you. Who knew you had such a needy pussy.” He curls his fingers. Probably feeling the way it makes you gush, delighting in the gasp it draws out of you. “No wonder you have to use that toy every day.”

You're about to die of embarrassment. “Hayato. Please just fuck me.”

Suo turns you so that you can look at him. He’s wearing a kind, benevolent face when he says, “No.”

“...what?”

“I'm not going to give you my cock.” He hums, contemplative. “Not for a while, I think.”

“B-but,” you say, genuinely upset, “but you were just talking about doing that at work.”

“Sure—after we get married. It's only proper, don’t you think?”

“What?” Your eyes are wide in disbelief. “You—you just made me cum with your fingers. In a public space.”

“Yes. But that's different from letting you have my cock. It wouldn't be gentlemanly of me to do that before we’re wedded.” He can't keep the amusement out of his voice as he bullies you. “I'm sure you can wait until the summer, right? Since that's the season you chose for us. August, I think you told Nirei.”

“Hayato—”

“Actually,” he muses, easily sliding a third finger into you, making your voice clip off in a whimper, “I think you shouldn’t be allowed to have anything in you until then. Except for my fingers and tongue, of course. But no toys, and no other men either. That definitely wouldn't be proper.”

“I'm going to,” you say spitefully—and tearfully. “If you don't fuck me right now, I will sleep with other people.”

“I don't think you want to find out the consequences if you do.”

“How would you even—ngh—know?”

“Good question.” He starts pumping his fingers, and to your horror, your cunt needily swallows them with each motion, your body as desperate as he's been saying. “I guess I'll need to check your pussy every night. See if it's been stretched out by someone else’s cock. Maybe upstairs in the lounge at the end of each night, so I'll know that you haven't fucked a customer during a shift. Clearly, it's not impossible that you would.”

You try not to sob. Not only are his words utterly humiliating, they're making you wetter. After fucking so many people in so many ways, you didn't know it was possible for you to feel this much shame during sex—but then again, shaming people is one of Suo’s specialties.

You give him the teariest look possible, because by now you've figured out that he likes seeing you cry. Sadistic motherfucker. You're happy to use it to your advantage though.

He gets that hungry look in his eye again. “Please, Hayato,” you beg, voice trembling with need, “I want more. I thought I was your beautiful wife already.” You grind your ass against his cock, and he inhales sharply. “Don't you wanna cum in your wife’s pussy?”

Suo stops, deeply affected—just as you guessed he'd be. After making you his fake wife in both his criminal life and his civilian one, it's painfully obvious that the man is obsessed with marrying you. You'd make fun of him if you weren't so horny. Or humbled.

He only allows himself speechlessness for a second. He hums soon after, delicately wiping the tears out of your eyes. “You've been good enough that I guess I can reward you. I won't fuck you, but”—he shifts away, and you can hear his pants unzipping—“I’m sure you'll enjoy yourself anyway.”

Suo wasn't lying earlier. His cock is bigger than any toy you've ever used. It's pretty, too. Curved and long and flushed at the head. Glistening with prespend, which has pearled up at the tip. You think you might be salivating. For a minute, you contemplate asking if you can feel it in your throat, but then Suo’s lying down and moving you on top of him. When his cock nudges at your folds, you can’t help your excitement. You squirm, trying to sink onto his length.

His grip tightens on your waist, stopping you.

You’re about to whine at him about this, but he doesn't give you the chance. “If you try to ride me,” he says, in a voice so cold that you know he's not joking, “I'm not touching you until we’re married, and I'm not letting you touch yourself either.”

“...”

With anyone else you'd call bullshit, but you know that Suo is both crazy and petty enough to actually achieve this.

“Okay.” You sound and feel mollified. “I'll behave.”

He smiles. “Good,” he says cheerfully. “Just stay like that, then. I’ll take care of you.”

You listen to him, mostly because you're incredibly excited about getting pussy inspections and you'll be devastated if it doesn't happen. And you don't expect it to be a big deal, anyway. While your sex drive has been a constant source of grief for you throughout your life, you don't really have problems controlling any specific impulses in bed when you truly need to. You’re used to giving your customers whatever they want and, if you're lucky, getting off from it. You figure this will be the same.

You find out very quickly that it isn't.

You need to stay still. You can’t sink down on him. Two easy orders that are extraordinarily difficult when Suo is the one beneath you. You have to actively stop your hips from moving when you feel the silky head of his cock press into your folds, which are still dripping with your slick. Suo’s breath hitches when he runs the tip along your opening, drawing wet noises every time his cock head catches on your needy hole, smearing his precum all over it. All you want is to push back on him and let your pussy swallow his cock. You’re aching for it, and you know he is too. If you sank down on him now, he'd lose control and fuck you raw until he was cumming inside you. And then he'd probably keep going after that, not letting you move until you were stuffed full and dripping with his spend. Both of you know it.

But you don't do that. You're good for him. You sigh, just trying to enjoy the feeling of his length rubbing against you. How he's twitching and throbbing against you, how he wants as equally much to be inside you—but pulls back every time. Your mind goes a little fuzzy with the drawn out, low hum of pleasure, and you close your eyes.

Then he starts pushing into you.

“H-Hayato?” You whimper at the intrusion, at being made to take something so thick without warning. “I thought you weren't gonna—”

“I'm not,” he says. His breathing is heavier, his words strained, but his voice is still commanding when he says, “Don’t move.”

Suo doesn't give you the whole thing, just the tip. It is much harder to control yourself like this—when you can feel yourself getting stretched by the head of his cock, already so fat and heavy, but you don't get filled up by it. It makes you aware of how empty you are, and how wet you're getting. You bury your face into his neck and make a noise that's both tearful and pathetic.

It's not acting when you whine, in a watery, miserable way, “Please, Hayato. I need your cum in me.”

It's probably the crying that gets him. He inhales sharply, thrusting maybe a little deeper than intended. You groan at the extra inch of cock, eyes rolling back, and can't help the way your pussy tightens and drips, trying to suck him in.

“Fuck,” he says, and then he pulls out.

He lays you flat on your back. Before you can get so much as a word out, he's between your legs and pressing his cock against your entrance. For possibly the happiest moment of your life, you think Suo is going to fuck you—but instead he starts pushing the slick head of his cock right against your neglected clit.

You aren't going to complain.

You whimper as he starts rubbing against your sex, leaving his prespend all over your swollen bud. It makes you squirm, grinding yourself against it, and you press your legs together to get some more pressure for the both of you. Soon his cock is sliding between your thighs, getting them all sticky with his prespend. You can feel the length of him hot and slick against your folds, heavy and throbbing.

You've never cum like this before. It was never enough stimulation when your customers made you do this, which nearly all of them have. But the pressure on your clit and on your folds is shockingly intense as the two of you move, enough to make you whimper as a familiar tension builds. It's not as overwhelming as when his fingers were inside you, but it's enough for you to start panting at the tension in your belly. You can hear Suo’s breath picking up as you start to whine, and he watches you, almost predatorial, as another orgasm crashes over you. You moan his name as you cum, squeezing a few more tears out of your eyes.

He stares at your flustered, wet face as he pushes the head of his cock against your entrance again, fisting himself as it flutters and drips in the aftershock of your orgasm. Suo’s been hard for so long, for the whole time he's teased and bullied you—you aren't surprised at how close he already is. Especially not when you start talking about how much you need his cum in you, how empty your pussy feels without it, how badly you want your husband to fill you up. All with your mascara smeared and your lip trembling, a sight that makes him throb.

Suo groans as he finally cums. You can feel his cock twitching, warmth spurting out onto your folds, and then into your pussy as he thrusts shallowly into you. You pull him down needily as he fills you, and he indulges you with a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss.

When he pulls out, you can feel his cum drip out of you, all the way down to the couch. You make a happy noise at the mess he's made of your hole, giving him a lovestruck, dreamy expression.

“You should do that every night after you're done checking my pussy,” you sigh.

Suo’s mouth curls, and breathes out a kind of laugh. He holds your face, and one of his tassels brush against the shell of your ear as he presses his forehead to yours. “I’ll do it if you're good for me.”

“I’ll be on my best behaviour until our wedding night,” you promise, voice affectionate.

Suo gives you a fond look. His expression is so sentimental. You think he’s going to say something sweet.

“Alright,” he replies. “Then be good for me and keep the rest of that inside you, okay? Let’s not make a mess of these floors. I don't want to get blacklisted from this club.”

You open and close your mouth, completely speechless.

“You're fucking horrible,” you say with all your heart, and he laughs and kisses you, and kisses you, and kisses you. He doesn't stop until you're placated and horny again.

Suo takes his sweet time pushing his cum into you as deeply as possible, saying that it's to make sure you don't lose any of it, but really so he can draw another orgasm out of you. Knowing that the mamasan might take pity on you and think that you were coerced into degrading sexual acts by a terrifying yakuza client, he makes sure to order a drink beforehand, calling up a server. (I don't want to be a bad patron, he hums as he looks at the tablet, and I said I'd get you to the number 1 ranking, right?) It subsequently looks, sounds, and is completely consensual when you're found pulling at Suo’s hair, keening as he fingers his cum into you while sucking on your clit.

This leaves you with no hope of continued employment on all of Keisei Street.

To add insult to injury, you do make a mess of the floors, despite Suo’s conscientious efforts to avoid this—though it's not as bad as the one you left on the couch. You also can't find your thong anywhere, which you guess is something else that the mamasan won’t appreciate when she finds it. Still, for the rest of the night, everyone shows Suo nothing but the utmost respect and highest quality customer service. They even ask how he found your company and if he has any feedback for you. He praises your conversational skills, karaoke abilities, and how capable you were in catering to his many needs. He also lets them know that you'll be resigning.

Hanzo and Shuuhei are waiting to pick you up, bringing the Rolls Royce with the privacy suite. This time, Suo doesn't use it to interrogate you; he instead uses it to kiss you and tease you and discuss wedding plans. If it'll be indoors or outdoors. If you'll have a big reception or a small one. If it'll be a traditional wedding, or if you’ll want a Chinese one like the one your master would have maybe liked to see. You settle on having a Shinto ceremony and a Chinese-style reception. Having been raised Chinese, whenever Suo imagined marrying during his teenage years, you were always in a red qipao. His master even once told him that if he managed to win your heart, he'd organise a tea ceremony and act in the role of Suo’s father.

After disclosing these facts (the first of which makes your heart weak, and the second of which leaves it aching), he asks about any long-standing things you've always wanted to do with him as a couple. If you had any silly or indulgent daydreams about your future with him, and what they were like.

“I don't know,” you admit. “I guess after you applied to teacher’s college, I liked the idea of marrying you, and doing all the domestic things you talked about. Though you were just joking at the time.”

You don't really expect him to remember much about this particular line of teasing. Sure, the man is currently obsessed with marrying you, and maybe he daydreamed about it a little bit when he was younger—but he mostly treated the idea as a funny joke when he was a teenager. All of the teasing has probably blurred together for him over the years. Certainly, it has for you.

But you've never been able to forget this particular memory. It’s one of those small, inconsequential moments that you find yourself incapable of letting go to this day. You loved hearing him talk about getting married, even though it hurt immensely that it was probably just teasing. You loved it because you wanted it. You wanted Suo to teach people because you knew he was good at it and it would make him genuinely happy. You wanted to stop working in the red light district and make a nice and safe home for Suo, just as he'd made a nice and safe home for you. And you wanted to marry him and kiss him and have sex with him and only him for the rest of your life.

You wanted it so badly, it still makes you heart ache to think about it.

He was definitely just teasing you, though. Suo was a sane person at the time, and sane people do not actually plan a marriage and life with someone before dating them or even fucking them. Most importantly, a sane person wouldn't hold onto such a silly joke for so long. Oh, you expect him to say, laughing. You're right, I had nearly forgotten.

But all he does is give you a smile. It's one of his strange, enigmatic ones.

“No, I was quite serious about it,” Suo says, looking right at you.

You stare at him.

“Really?”

“Really.”

He's being so straightforward, so earnest. Your typical reaction would be to feel flustered, sentimental—but something about his expression and tone bothers you. But before you can suss out what it is, he continues, and the moment passes.

“Was there anything else you ever wanted to do?” he asks smoothly.

You're startled, off-guard. “Oh, um… not really. I never let myself think too much about it.”

“Come on,” he prods. “There must be something.”

“No, I really didn't think of any ideas on my own. Although…”

Your face gets hot as you trail off. Suo senses weakness, and goes in for the kill.

“Although?”

“It's too embarrassing,” you admit, looking away, and Suo looks a little too interested as he pesters you for an answer.

“Come on, it's fine.” His mouth curls in a way that tells you it's not fine. “I promise I won't judge you. I just want to know what I can do to make you happy as your husband.”

You give him an uncertain look, and say your only concrete fantasy about him so quickly and quietly that he misses it.

“Pardon?” he asks.

“...romantic, vanilla sex.”

Suo blinks. “What?”

Your face burns with humiliation.

“I used to think about having romantic, vanilla sex with you. When I was a teenager. A lot.” Said as if you weren't just thinking about it two months ago in a love hotel, and still don't want it now. You wouldn't even bring it up if you didn't think it was necessary. But unfortunately, you're professionally skilled at perceiving people’s sexual interests, and you've perceived that Suo is sexually a freak. He was definitely going easy on you tonight, and is probably actively planning to get worse. You'll never have normal sex with him unless you explicitly state a desire for it.

Suo gives you a surprised look. “That's… a very mundane fantasy.”

“It wouldn't have been mundane to me,” you reply, somewhat defensively. “I used to think about it when I slept with my customers, who weren't very romantic. Or vanilla. So I didn’t really have a good reference point or anything for that kind of sex, but sometimes I still thought about doing it with you after they had left.”

You look away after saying this, wondering why you disclosed all of that. It certainly wasn't necessary for your dream of someday taking Suo’s cock without being psychosexually tortured first. Now you feel like you need to hide. You even think about excuses for stopping the car, and ponder again how difficult it would be to live without proof of identity, if you chose to run away.

But Suo doesn't let you run. He pulls you close to him, wrapping you up in his warmth.

“It's okay,” he says gently, in a voice that reminds you of how he was in his old Furin days. “You'll be okay. I'll make sure of it.” It confuses you deeply, and you turn to ask him what the fuck he's going on about.

You don't even realise you're crying until he starts kissing away your tears.

You can’t understand why you’re weeping. Maybe something strange and hormonal happened while you were having sex, like Suo made you orgasm too hard and all the oxytocin is making you depressed now. Though you think that hormone is supposed to make you happy. You're not sure. You never finished school, so you wouldn't know.

Whatever the reason, you hastily wipe away your tears. A hand rubs at your back, and you let yourself press your face into his shoulder.

“Sorry,” you say quickly.

“Don't apologise. You don't have anything to be sorry for.”

You hesitate as you breathe against the silk threads of his shirt, thinking about how many of his shirts you've ruined with your tears. At least three changshan and one Versace summer piece, by your count. It’s not like he hurts over the money these days, but guilt tugs at your heart.

“I don't know about that,” you mumble into his shoulder. And it takes a while to work yourself up to saying it, but eventually you whisper, with full honesty, “I'm sorry for always worrying you.”

“I know,” Suo says. He sounds sincere when he says, “I’m sorry too.”

“I’ll try to be better from now on.”

“You will be. And even if you aren’t, that's fine.”

For some reason, that makes your heart squeeze.

You melt against Suo after that, listening to the steady roll of tires and passing traffic outside. There's a gentle pitter patter of rain against the car roof, tinny and rhythmic, that gradually crescendos into a proper storm. The windshield wipers squeak against the glass. All of the noise is lulling you into a kind of peace, or maybe you're just feeling that way because Suo is holding you.

Fatigue wears your consciousness, and you close your eyes. The hustle and bustle of the red light district grows distant, faint—partly from slipping in and out of your dreams, and partly from the quieting world outside. It's now completely silent other than the heavy rainfall. You think they must be taking the road through Makochi. Suo asks for it whenever he wants you to sleep well.

He probably thinks you're asleep when he says, “I’m sorry for being how I am now.”

You almost stop breathing. Almost.

“You didn't fall in love with me when I was like this, so you must not like it very much,” he continues. “I know that Master wouldn't like me much either, if he were alive. He always said that you should support your loved ones until they can stand on their own two feet. But lately, I feel like all I've been doing is breaking yours.”

He sighs. The sky groans with distant thunder.

“Sakura knows who I really am, you know,” he says quietly. “I think he's worried about what'll happen to you if we get married. Though he’s been worried about you for a while.” Suo almost sounds endeared when he adds, “Did you know he only texts me now to ask if you're okay? He really does love you.”

He’s more sombre when he continues, “But Nirei is just afraid of me. That’s why he’s never around. He’s going to call you in a week and tell you not to go through with the wedding. He’ll probably tell you to leave me too. It’s good advice.”

It's hard to keep your breathing slow, with how badly your heart hurts.

“I’ve tried to go back to how I was, to the kind of person that Master was trying to raise,” Suo confesses. “But I don't think I can get better.”

But even if you can't, you want to tell him, that’s fine. You wish you could hold him how he's always held you.

“It doesn't usually upset me nowadays,” he admits after some time, “how I am now. But to be honest, talking about our school days did make me feel bitter, because I can't give you the things I know you wanted.”

He kisses the top of your head. Gently, so as not to wake you from your dream.

“I'm sorry I never became a teacher. I'm sorry I joined the yakuza. I'm sorry I can't give you a normal life. And I'm sorry I can’t have an honest conversation with you.”

Silence. You feel his chest stop briefly, his breathing deepen.

“Maybe someday, I'll get better enough to say these things to you while you're awake. Maybe someday, I'll even get better enough to let you leave. It would be best for you.”

His voice gets even softer. Tender.

“But for now, I don't know how to let you go.”

You feel a hand shifting away, the soft noise of leather against skin. Then both arms around you again, even warmer, even tighter. He’s leaning his head against yours. You think Suo is falling asleep.

Allowing yourself a single, quick glance at the car, you peer at your reflections in the rearview mirror. You see sheets of rain sliding against the back window, his dark lashes pressed to his skin, and all the scar tissue he likes to keep hidden away.

And you can see, very clearly, tears beneath his missing eye.

END 'TOKYO VICE'

hi everyone thanks for reading this chapter!!!! i hope it didn't disappoint after all the shitposting i did about it this week lol

can i just say. this was straight up the weirdest sex scene I've ever written HASLKFJSDF and the mood whiplash throughout this was probably the craziest i've ever written within a single piece. unfortunately, this reader copes with her trauma via humour and sex and it really shows rip. i hope it wasn't too offputting!

thank you to everyone who left a comment on part 1!! please do let me know if you enjoyed part 2 as well. <333

tagging @kweenkatsuki-fics and @stuckindreamland06!

[f1fantasys]

The Best

Summary - Ex's who find their way back to each other after a tough few races for Lando.

Warnings - 18+ minors DNI, swearing, fingering, fucking :) - you know the rest.

You'd dated Lando for 2 years until you broke up about 7 months ago. The pressures of your modelling jobs and his F1 career slowly slid their way into your relationship until it became too much for the both you. You didn't break up because you stopped loving each other, but rather quite the opposite. You loved each other so much but at the same time you were both straining your relationship. Missed texts, missed calls, missed dates. There was just never time to be simple girlfriend and boyfriend. Being away from each other for too long, only to be sitting in the same room doing your own thing and hardly talking to each other, too busy concentrating on what had to be done for work. Eventually though, you decided together that it was the best for both mental and physical reasons. You never told anyone, but the breakup was the hardest thing you had gone through. You loved Lando so much and to suddenly stop having him in your life was awful. There were countless nights after where you would stare at his contact, almost calling him and telling him you needed him back, but you had to hold your ground. Especially since he seemed to have moved on from you pretty quickly - which only made it hurt more. Weeks after you breakup he was constantly spotted with a new girl on his arm every time he went out. You really tried hard not to look at your socials but at the same time you couldn't keep your eyes away.

Both living in Monaco, there were a handful of times you had seen Lando around. It was actually always an almost awkward encounter, even though you didn't end of bad terms. You'd just say a quick ''hi, how are you'' before moving on.

It was until he was seen with the same girl, multiple times. Regularly going out, holding hands, kissing, all captured by the paps. Your heart broke at how quickly he found someone, yet here you were, still trying to find yourself after the breakup. A lot of people on twitter were convinced that this new 'relationship' of his was just a PR stint - that they weren't actually dating. This gave you a sliver of hope.

Max and Ria, whom you were extremely close with, hardly talked about Lando in front of you, however they did let slip that Lando never talked about his new flame to them, so they knew as little as you did. Recently though, maybe the last 2/3 weeks, there was not one new picture of them, no news. Nothing. And you weren't complaining.

The Monaco GP had just finished. You'd watched it from your balcony with all your best friends from the UK, Max and Ria included. Lando has had a pretty frustrating last few races. He was had placed P2 3 times now, so close to the front, just not getting the edge to overtake Max. You could tell from his body language after the races how much he was beating himself up. He was always too hard on himself. You wished he would see just how talented and loved he is by all his fans. Yet again in Monaco, he was P2. 0.7 seconds behind Max. This time though it broke your heart to see how sad he was, how angry he was to not cross the line at P1. About two hours after the post race interviews and everything had concluded, you got a missed call from Adam, Lando's dad.

It wasn't a surprise as you still kept in touch with Lando's family but you did think it was weird for his dad to call you after a race like this. Wearily, you answered.

''Hello?

''Hey Y/N, how are you?'' he asked.

''All good Adam, how are you guys? Is everything ok?''

''Yeah we're all good. Maybe Lando not so much.. you know with the race and all. I actually called to see if you would be okay to come over and be with him. He's really been beating himself down the last few races and you were always the one who could calm him down. He's actually been talking a lot about you recently and I thought maybe it would be good for you to see him.'' he said.

You stayed silent for a few seconds. Of course you wanted to be there for Lando but you weren't sure if you were willing to let your heart break again when you left him.

''I-I..'' you started but Adam cut you off.

''I know it's a lot what I'm asked for. But I know you didn't end on bad terms. I think he just really needs you right now.''

''Okay, I'll come over.'' you said, still second guessing yourself.

''Thank you so much, Y/N, really.''

You told your friends you needed to be somewhere, luckily no one asked many questions, Either too drunk or tired to care. You changed into some shorts and a hoodie, looking at yourself in the mirror. You were going to see him after a while, and you wanted to look decent at least. So you fixed your hair and applied a little powder to yourself, not that Lando would even notice to be honest.

The drive to his house had your mind spiraling. What would you say to him. What would he say to you being there? Maybe he wouldn't even want you there. 'Shit' you thought to yourself as your parked in front of his penthouse.

You took a few breaths to calm yourself down before walking up his front door and knocking. Cisca, Lando's mum opened the door.

''Y/N, it's so good to see you'' she said, pulling you into a hug.

''You too Cisca'' you told her before Adam joined you and started talking.

''Thank you so much for coming, it sure means a lot to us and I'm sure it will mean a hell of a lot to our boy. He's in his room.'' he told you.

Once again, collecting your emotions, you walked to Lando's room. The door was closed so you took a deep breath and gentle knocked. You could hear him shuffling around, so when he didn't open the door or say anything you told him it was you.

''Lando, its Y/N. Can I come in?'' you asked.

The noise on the other side stopped. Within the next few seconds the door flew open.

There he stood. Eyes red and puffy, staring into your soul, mouth quivering and nose sniffling. But at the same time, beautiful as you remember. Curls brown and messy, eyes bright and blue. You both literally stopped breathing for a moment. Just taking the moment to take each other in. You didn't look any better to be honest. Sleepless nights thinking about him, eye bags formed under your eyes.

He broke the silence.

''Y/N'' he whispered.

You couldn't make out if he was relieved or happy to see you, or angry. You suddenly felt like you had to justify why you were here, standing at his bedroom door.

''I--, Umm, your dad asked me to come over and check in on you'' you started. But as you continued he came closer to you. So close that you could feel his breath on your face.

''Can I hug you?'' he asked.

And your heart broke into a million pieces.

You didn't respond verbally. You just pulled him to yourself. Arms wrapping around his head while his found your waist and pulled you flush against him. You could feel and hear start to gently shake and silently sob. It took everything in you not to cry. You had to be strong for him.

''Lan, please. Don't cry. Come on. You're stronger than this. Please don't beat yourself up. Please.'' you whispered as you soothed the hair on the back of his neck.

He gently pulled away and pulled you into his room before closing the door and making his way to sit on his bed.

''I'm so fucking useless. Can't even get past the same guy on track. Race after race. It's bullshit and I'm sick of it.'' He said, resting his face in his hands.

You let out a breath and made your way to sit next to him.

''Lando, look at me,'' you said quite sternly, so he did. You started rubbing his back.

''You are not fucking useless. You are one of the most talented drivers out there. If you weren't good enough, then trust me, you wouldn't be within seconds of the race leader. You need to just have faith in yourself and give yourself time. Me, your family, your fans, everyone knows that you are the best out there - and it's only a matter of time until you get P1. You've done it before, and you'll do it a thousand more times. It hurts to see you blaming yourself after every race. As much as you are alone in the car, you know there are other things- and people who determine how your race goes.''

His gaze on you was so fixed, so intense that you almost felt shy now. But you were telling him the truth. In your eyes, he was the best, and his time to shine would come soon. You knew it.

Small tears continued to slip out his eyes so you gently wiped them away.

Lando clung himself to you again, making you engulf him in another hug.

''Just be positive Lan, you're doing so well. And you'll continue to get better.'' you said.

You don't know how long you stayed like that, a while for sure, before Lando spoke up.

''I'm so tired, can we cuddle?'' he wearily asked.

You so wanted to stay with him and comfort him, but your head was telling you not to. You stayed silent for a few seconds when he spoke up again.

''Please? Just for a bit. I'll give you a t-shirt to change into.'' he said.

''Okay'' you eventually told him.

Since he was still in his race suit he quickly found you some clothes to change into and disappeared into the bathroom for a quick shower.

While he was showering it took everything in you not to imagine him standing there, letting the water run down his warm, tan, muscled body, not to mention other parts of him that you so deeply missed. When you were together, your sex life was incredible. You knew each others bodies inside out and it was a big part of your relationship.

You really needed to get those thoughts out of your head though. You weren't here for that, You were here to be here for him.

You quickly changed your clothes into his before scrolling away on your phone waiting for him.

He emerged from the bathroom in just a pair of shorts, no t-shirt and you had to stop yourself from staring. He pulled back the covers and climbed in the bed, gesturing for you to do the same.

And for the first time, he was the little spoon. He curled up into a little ball and you hugged and cuddled him from behind. Playing with his hair and massaging him gently. It felt good to be this close to him after so long. You missed having his body pressed to yours, you missed smelling his scent.

Lando seemed to have settled down after a while, both of you drifting into a light slumber when you heard him talk.

''Thank you for being here for me, Y/N.''

''Always, Lan'' you said, finding his hand and squeezing it in an assuring manner.

Slowly, he turned his body so he was now facing you. Your hand stayed in his hair, gently twisting his curls all the while you both stared at each other, longingly.

He bought his face closer to yours. Again, so close that you could feel his breath fanning your face. His eyes wandered down to your lips. You knew that look all too well. He wanted to kiss you.

''Lan'' you mumbled.

''Please'' he begged.

By now you couldn't contain yourself, so you nodded your head.

In no time he crashed his lips to yours. It was messy and desperate. As if you were both starved of each other. In no time Lando's tongue was in your mouth, searching for gold. He nipped and sucked at your bottom lip as you moaned into the kiss and pulled him closer, so now he was hovering over you.

At the back of your mind you knew this was wrong. But you couldn't help the feeling of having him kiss you as if his life depended on it. You pulled on his hair as his lips left yours and traveled to you neck, quickly finding your sweet spot.

By now both of your breathing was heavy, both gasping for air but not stopping your activities what-so-ever, the kiss getting sloppier by the second.

You felt Lando's hand reach the hem of your shorts, itching to slip past them, but you stopped him. You knew you couldn't go further without leaving with a broken heart again.

''Lando no, I can't.'' you almost sobbed even though you so badly didn't want him to stop.

''I need you, Y/N. I've needed you since you walked out the door 7 months ago.''

Now you had tears stinging the corners of your eyes.

''And not for sex. For you. Your whole being.''

''What about her?'' you couldn't help but ask.

His face immediately dropped.

''It was nothing. The other girls were just to get my mind away from you and then my socials were blowing up. So they got her and me to pretend, so I didn't look like a douche with a new girl just to fall deeper into a hole.'' he spoke quickly.

You were shocked, but let out a sigh of relieve.

Lando kissed you again, re-assuring you. ''You're the only one I want. I don't want to rush things if you're not ready t be together again.''

You didn't say anything, you just kissed him again, and took his hand back to it's place on your hips, slightly nodding at him to continue.

Lando's hands slipped on the inside and he cupped your sex. Your breath hitched in your throat and you grunted through his movements. His thumb found you clit and immediately started rubbing circles on it, while his middle finger slipped into you with ease due to how wet you were for him.

He snaked his head under your oversized hoodie and latched his mouth to your nipple. Sucking and biting down at it which had you writhing under him. Desperate for more.

His finger continued sliding in and out of you before he added another.

''Lan, please'' you begged him for more.

He quickly sat on his knees and removed all of your clothes, leaving you bare naked under him. You toyed with the strings of his joggers but he swiped your hands away. ''The nights' gonna end early if you do that'' he said, showing you the first smile he had this evening.

You pulled him back down for a kiss and he snaked his way down your body, settled between your legs.

You cunt was glistening with juices, clenching around nothing, begging for attention. So he licked a stripe up, collecting all your juices on his tongue before using them to easy his way into you.

You were a moaning mess by now. Body so relieved to be getting attention from the one you craved the most, pulling at his hair and scratching his shoulders, surely leaving marks.

He continued his onslaught on your pussy until you felt that all familiar warmth building in your stomach and within minutes you released your cum all over his face, gasping for air - the both of you.

''Fuck, Y/N, so good'' he said through breaths, coming up to kiss you again. Both your mouths a mess - full of spit and cum.

''Need to feel you in me, please'' he begged him between breaths.

This time Lando wasted no time in shedding his joggers. His member springing free, slapping his stomach, red and angry, with pre cum already dripping through the tip.

You gasped at seeing how angry it looked. How delicious it looked. You took him in your hands and started pumping him, causing him to be the one gasping this time, dick twitching in your hands.

You sat up slighlty and licked the pre cum off the tip, making Lando buck his hips forward, latching onto the headboard to keep himself up.

''Hmm, fuck, Y/N' he said as you took as much of him in your mouth, sucking and licking at him.

''Not gonna last long if you carry on'' he said, so he pulled out of your mouth and pushed you to lie down again. But instead he changed his mind and roughly man handled you to turn your body over so you were now on all fours.

He swiped his cock through your folds, collecting more of your juices and finally, placed himself at your entrance before pushing in, fast and hard.

''Ah, oh, Lando'' you said through gritted teeth.

He wasn't making love to you. He was fucking you, straight away. He gave your cunt no time to get used to the intrusion after having gone months without it.

''That's it, Y/N, so tight for me, walls clenching around me so nicely'' he whispered i n your ear as his hand found its way around your throat, turning you on so much more.

You latched your hands onto the headboard and steadied your body, coming back to meet him halfway, bodies slamming into each other.

A few grunts and moans later your brain remembered where you were. In Lando's house, with his family in the lounge down the hall.

''Fuck Lando, everyone can hear us.'' you said, trying to slow his movements.

''Hmm, let them. Don't care. Just wanna fuck you until you can't walk anymore'' he said, body still slamming into yours.

It almost felt as if sad Lando was gone and now angry Lando was back. And he was fucking his frustrations and anger into you. Using you to help him feel better about yourself. And you wouldn't have it any other way.

In no time you were silently screaming his name, your juices gushing all over his cock, before you pulled out and flipping you over again, only to slam into you again.

You wrapped your legs around him as tight as you could and pulled on his curls.

Lando had his eyes closed ''Might not me the best fucking drivers, but definitely fucking my girl the best. That's it baby, taking me so well'' he grunted through gritted teeth, before lowering his mouth to your nipples again, showing them no mercy.

Hearing him call you his girl instantly had the butterflies brewing in your stomach again, edging closer to your orgasm. You could feel his movements start to get sloppier by the second as well, the both of you barely able to keep your moans in.

All that could be heard in the room were grunts, moans, and bodies slamming into each other, sticky juices all over.

You orgasm came with no warning, and as soon as you released you felt Lando empty his warm milky cum into you, dick twitching, so overstimulated. Your body was a shaking mess underneath Lando's as he let his weight fall on you and slumped down on you, which you didn't mind at all.

You stayed there, just holding onto each other, catching your breaths and your mind up to what just happened.

Lando's dick was softening inside you so he gentle pulled out, eyes never leaving yours. You whimpered at the loss of contact but he kept you distracted enough by lowering his mouth to your cunt, sucking up a mixture of both of your cum, and leaning back up to kiss you and make a mess on your face.

You moaned into the kiss again until Lando got up to get a warm towel to clean you both up.

After doing so, he climbed back into bed and this time you were little spoon, back in your place.

''Seriously Y/N, thank you for being there for me today. I miss you so bloody much and this time I'm going to put the work in to make us work. I love you fucking much baby.'' he cooed into your ear and you squeezed his hand.

''I love you too Lan. Promise me one thing though?'' you asked.

''Yeah?''

''Stop being so hard on yourself. You are the most amazing person I know and I want you to see how special and talented you are. Please'' you begged him.

You felt him nod his head. ''Yeah, I'll try. Thank you.''

''And I've missed you more than you can ever imagine. I love you Lan. You're it for me.'' you whispered back, before he kissed you gently.

You'd finally found you way back to each other.

[imaginespazzi]

Part 2: If Only You'd Been Here

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you (but ain't nobody love you like I do)

(In which a sadistic writer tortures her beloved ship a fair amount and maybe her readers too)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining, Hurt/Comfort and maybe Fluff if you squint

Words: 6.5K (someone please be proud that it is in fact shorter 🙈)

TW: Swearing, Alcohol, Injuries, Alludes to Sexual Content

A/N: Good morning my lovelies <3 Just a couple of things I changed that you should know before you read. If you follow WCBB, you know UCLA didn't win the Pac-12 tournament in 2023 but in this universe they did. You also probably know they lost in the NCAA tournament last year to SC in the Greenville region but in this universe, for plot purposes, they're gonna be in the Seattle region. I kept their seeding and who they were playing vague because it was gonna get too complicated to figure out. Also if you saw my list of part titles a while ago, no you didn't lol. As always, feel free to know what you liked, what you didn't, and anything you'd like to see in future parts. And as you're reading, let's just remember y'all love me and everything I do is for the plot. Happy reading and have a wonderful week lovelies!

December 2022

The distinctly “car” smell of her car is starting to make Paige more than a little nauseous. Going by the way Drew is pouting in the passenger seat, he’s also clearly over it. They’ve been driving in circles for what feels like hours. At first, still enamoured with being allowed to sit in the front, her little brother had gone along with her ridiculousness. Now, as they approach maybe the 12th or so lap around the neighbourhood, he seems less than thrilled. 

“Alright let me out and you keep driving,” Drew says, fiddling agitatedly with his seatbelt, “I think I’m gonna puke.”

“Well hold it in,” Paige retorts unhelpfully as they re-round the block. She keeps her eyes focused on the road, ignoring the glare her brother sends her away. He takes in a dramatic breath and leans back onto his seat. She grips the steering wheel tighter as they pass the house again, still not brave enough to pull into the driveaway of a place she’d once considered just as much a home as her own. 

Drew lets out another groan, “I shoulda just stayed home.”

“Well you didn’t-” Paige’s reply is cut off by the sound of a phone call reverberating around the car. The CallerID reads “Azzi (DON’T YOU DARE IGNORE)”, a name the younger girl had plugged in herself with a warning look the day Paige had left LA. Chewing whatever dry skin is still left on her bitten-to-death lips, Paige clicks accept on the call. 

“What number lap is this?” comes Azzi’s exasperated voice and Paige can’t help the smile that creeps onto her face. 

“Oh you know my car’s feeling the need to exercise today,” Paige hums back, suddenly feeling a lot lighter than she had just a couple of seconds ago. Sometimes, she’s not sure how she managed to go a year with this constant heavy weight pressing down on her ribs, and no Azzi to slowly ease her out from under it. 

“Azziiiiii,” Drew whines dramatically, “please come save me. I’m gonna die in this car.”

Affronted, Paige splutters, “nobody forced you to come.”

“You begged me to come,” her young brother quips back and it elicits a laugh from the girl on the other end of the line. 

“I did-”

“Paige,” Azzi cuts her off, “just come inside okay? You’re wasting gas for nothing.”

“I- it’s just-,” Paige’s hands tighten even more around the wheel, as she stops on the sidewalk, switching on her turn signal, but still not entering the driveway. She leans her head against the wheel, overwhelmed by emotions she can’t quite name. Drew places a comforting hand on her back and she sends him a reassuring smile, trying to shield her younger brother from the havoc in her brain. 

“Hey,” Azzi’s voice floats through the fog, “it’s just me okay? Me and you and us. It’ll be okay. I promise.”

It’s like a child being soothed with their favourite binkie, that’s what Azzi’s promise feels like to Paige. She finally turns into the driveaway, and both Drew and Azzi cheer in tandem. The knot in her chest loosens just a little bit at that because the large crowds that scream for her make her feel adored, but this, her own personal cheer squad for her littlest of achievements, well it makes her feel loved. 

“Freedom,” Drew yells as he practically flings himself out of Paige’s barely parked car. She rolls her eyes fondly at her mini me as he dramatically pretends to kiss the ground. It’s a small distraction from the memories that are swirling like a tornado in her mind. Minnesota is home, it’ll always be home but this place, this had been her safe haven, something she could hold onto at a time where everything else was slipping out of her hands. And then, like a fool, she’d let go of it. 

The door opens even before they’ve made it halfway to the door and Azzi’s brothers run out into the front yard. Jon pretends to take pictures and José practically falls to his knees as they swarm around the blonde. 

“Paige, Paige, can we get a picture or an autograph please,” they yell teasingly, “please Miss Bueckers we’re your biggest fans.”

“Move over boys,” Tim Fudd’s booming voice hollers, as he swats his children away, “her biggest fan is actually me eh Paige?”

The girl in question nods solemnly, her smile stretching the full length of her face, and both Jon and José let out a groan as their father beams at Paige. And then Katie’s there, not a hint of anything but pure happiness on her face as she wraps the younger girl into a hug. Paige melts into the embrace, trying her hardest not to burst into tears. Because all she can think about is the hundreds of calls and texts from Azzi that she’d left unanswered, all she can think of is Azzi's devastated face as she’d told Paige about just how hard she’d tried and that wretched ache of i don’t deserve this i broke your daughters heart wraps itself around Paige’s  heart. 

Over Katie’s shoulder, Paige watches as Azzi finally walks out into the law, her cheeks immediately turning red from the cold. The younger girl winks at Paige with a radiant smile, before giving all her attention to Drew who almost trips as he excitedly launches himself into Azzi, tiny hands wrapping around her waist. Paige watches, still buried in the warmth of Katie’s arms, as Drew animatedly tells Azzi all the stories he possibly can and Azzi nods along emphatically as if she’s being told the most important facts of her life. And Paige takes a snapshot of it to add to her ever growing collection of moments i just knew. 

***

January 2023

“Call her.”

Paige doesn’t bother replying, burying her face further into her tear-soaked pillow. Maybe if she ignores her teammate, Caroline will get the message and go away. The earth-shattering pain that she’d subdued for the last couple of months had finally reared its ugly head. And that too at the worst time possible, when her team needed to be a source of strength and with cameras catching the teardrops falling as she mourned the loss of not being able to play in the epic UConn-Tennessee rivalry. She’d done so well at holding it in, breaking apart only a couple of times, sometimes alone and sometimes with Azzi on the other end of the line. Until tonight, when the bright lights and roaring crowd had reignited the itch to just fucking play ball. 

“Paige,” Caroline says again, “stop being stubborn and call her.”

“She has a game tomorrow, she doesn’t need my dramatic ass worrying her right now,” Paige replies, getting into a sitting position when she realises the other girl isn’t about to just let this go. 

“You’re eventually going to call her. The two of you haven’t gone one day without talking to each other since this summer,” Caroline gives her a look, a hint of a smirk play on her face when it tints Paige’s cheeks pink, “seriously, just call her.”

It’s not that Paige doesn’t want to. She’d scrolled through her contacts and stopped at Azzi’s one too many time’s tonight. And each time, just as her fingers had hovered over the green call button, she’d felt guilt claw at her neck. Since she’d shown up in LA, Azzi had shown up for Paige every step of the way, checking in regularly, listening to Paige vent her anger at the world and whispering words of comfort that only sounded true when they came from Azzi’s mouth. Sometimes, if she tries really hard, Paige can feel the ghost of Azzi’s arms wrapping themselves around her shoulders, just as they had that one night in LA when Azzi had held her, so delicately as if she was made of porcelain, through the worst of her breakdowns. 

“She needs to focus on her game,” Paige says after a moment. 

Caroline sighs, mind wandering to the countless texts on her phone from Azzi begging her to take care of Paige and to let her know when the blonde wasn’t doing okay, “I know but she’d want you to call her if she knew. You need her.”

“And where was I when she needed me?” it’s the word need that triggers it, the quick snap because it’s all Paige has been able to think about lately. 

Without basketball, she’d had far too much time on her hands and she’d ended up going down a spiral of watching Azzi’s games from her freshman year, something she’d religiously avoided doing when they had happened live. At first, it had just been this immense feeling of pride, seeing her best friend be the college basketball phenomenon Paige had always known she would be. She’d shoved away the envy of it was supposed to be us that immersed her seeing the way the Bruins celebrated their new star player, and just let herself be happy in her best friend’s happiness. 

And then something changed around at the beginning of January 2022. It had only lasted a couple of games, but Azzi had hit a wall. Threes were short, cuts were made at the wrong time and she kept on getting lost on defence in a way that was very unlike her. And all Paige could focus on, eyes glued to the screen, was how completely and utterly exhausted Azzi looked during that stretch, despite the fact that she’d just come back from winter break. The smile had vanished off her face, replaced by stress lines Paige wished she could go back in time and erase. 

It wasn’t until she’d binged through all the games, cheering silently as Azzi slowly returned to form, that the realisation had hit Paige. She’d been slapped with the memory of a store decorated brightly for Christmas and a familiar voice calling her name, as she’d purposely walked the other way, pretending she hadn’t heard and the more than deserved i’m done trying text that had followed right after. For a year, perhaps longer, Paige had convinced herself that she was the only one who had lost something, she was the only one who had a right to hurt, to break. And still, she thinks she’d take all of that pain again a thousand times, if it means she could erase the fact that in all of her self-pity, she’d broken Azzi too.

“Where was I when she needed me?” she repeats again to Caroline, as the brunette stares at her in confusion, “the answer to that Carol, is that I was anywhere but with her.”

Caroline’s eyes soften in realisation as she takes a cautious step towards Paige, “oh P don’t do this to yourself.”

“I want to call her,” Paige confesses in a whisper, tears brimming in her eyes, “it’s the only thing I’ve wanted to do all day and maybe- maybe I should have but I’m just- I’ve been so unfair to her.”

“You were hurt Paige.”

“I know- I know that. But so was she. You don’t- god Carol- you don’t even know the things I said to her before she left for LA. And she’s still here,” the first tears fall from her blue eyes, and then the next and the next until there’s a steady waterfall streaming down her face, “you know I almost didn’t let her in when she first came over this summer?”

Caroline doesn’t say anything, choosing instead to come sit next to Paige and wrap her arms around the point guard. 

“I didn’t answer her calls or her texts for a year and still, still she’s picked up every call, replied to every text I’ve sent her since summer. I know- I know I need her and she’s going to be there of course she is. But when she needed me, where was I?” Paige drops her face into her hands, “I just- I don’t deserve her.”

There’s a moment of silence as Caroline rubs Paige’s back and lets the older girl wallow in her guilt. And then she reaches for Paige’s phone on the nightstand, ignoring the little grunt of protest. When the screen lights up, there’s already a notification of new messages from Azzi and Caroline can’t help but smile. 

“I think,” she begins softly, “Azzi’s a smart girl so maybe give that tiny little brain of yours a little bit of rest and let her decide who deserves her,” she hands Paige her phone “let her be there for you. I think maybe she needs that too.”

Caroline gives Paige’s shoulders a little squeeze before heading out the doors, giving the older girl a moment of privacy. Paige sighs, getting herself comfortable against her pillows, and rubbing away her tears, before finally giving in and pressing the facetime call button. 

“Do you want a distraction or do you want to talk about it?” Azzi says as soon as she picks up and Paige can see the concern etched all over her face.

“Or maybe I’m perfectly fine?”

“Ah we’re playing the pretend game tonight. Should have cleared your throat for a second longer maybe Miss Perfectly Fine, your eyes are red as fuck and you sound like a dying cat.” 

“Wow, that was rude. Maybe I’m sick?” 

“With what? The “lies to her best friend” flu?”

“That UCLA education has you making up illnesses now? Damn Az, you’re supposed to get smarter in college.”

“You’re so funny, like so funny,” Azzi huffs sarcastically before they both dissolve into giggles. It’s always just been so easy with them. And Paige’s isn’t a poet, but if she was, she’d write sonnets about the sound of Azzi’s laughter, and the way it makes the corner of her eyes crinkle. 

“I watched the game,” Azzi says after a second, “and I saw you.”

Paige smirks, “so you didn’t actually watch the game, just stared at my gorgeous face the whole time?”

“There’s that comedian streak of yours again.”

“Hey you’re the one who said you were watching me instead of the game. But who could blame you really?”

“I didn’t-” Azzi rolls her eyes, as Paige’s cocky smirk deepens, “stop it.”

“You can admit I’m a pretty girl Az,” she teases, delighted when it makes the younger girl blush. 

“Fuck off, you have enough people telling you you’re a pretty girl.”

“Yeah but it means more coming from you,” she says quietly, biting her lip. It’s not the kind of thing you’re supposed to say to your best friend, at least not in the soft, wanting way that Paige says it. Except they both know that the lines in their friendship are far more blurred than they should be, even if they've both done a pretty fantastic job at ignoring that kiss. Paige had learned over Christmas that Azzi was exceptionally good at the pretending part, moving away the moment Paige’s hands lingered a little longer than they should, changing topics if they even got anywhere near addressing the something between them. It shouldn’t have hurt but it did and Paige doesn’t understand how she can so desperately miss something that she never even had in the first place. 

“So distraction then?” Azzi says after a second, changing the subject back to her initial question. 

Paige closes her eyes, taking in a deep breath, “it was just- it was a lot tonight. I didn’t realise I was being that obvious.”

“You weren’t. I just know you a little too well.”

“These are my favourite types of games, you know. The rivalry, the crowd booing my name and getting the chance to quiet them, that’s- that’s the type of game players live for and I just- I miss it Azzi. I miss shooting, I miss defending, I miss just standing on the fucking court sometimes. I miss playing basketball. So. Fucking. Much,” a fresh set of tears leak out of Paige's eyes, as her free hand fists at her bedsheets. 

There’s silence as Paige’s words linger in the air. In a way it’s freeing to be able to say it out loud, to just let herself feel how she feels instead of fighting them. 

“You’re gonna miss it every day until you play again,” Azzi says quietly, her own voice thick with emotions, “and it’s not really gonna get easier until you get it back. But when you finally do, just- just imagine it okay, your first game back. The feeling of the crowd. Dribbling up the court. Making that first shot as everybody loses their minds. Finally just playing the game you love. That’s when that feeling of loss will finally go away.”

Using Azzi’s steady breathing as an anchor to still her erratic heartbeat, Paige lets herself get lost in the picture the younger girl has just painted for her. She lets her mind run to the future that lies ahead of her and if she focuses hard enough she can almost hear the Gampel crowds roaring as she finally returns to the court. 

“It’s kinda really fucking annoying how you always know what to say,” no it isn’t, it’s the only thing that’s keeping Paige going these days. 

“Surviving an ACL injury will do that to a girl,” Azzi says with a pained smile. 

That’s not it Paige thinks, it’s not experience, it’s you and I really wish you were here. But she can’t say that, so she changes the subject instead. 

“Tell me about your game tomorrow.”

They both settle back into their pillows, getting into more comfortable positions. Azzi tells Paige all about her upcoming game and then moves onto another topic, then another and another and another. They’ll wake up tomorrow morning to phones that died and no memory of when they’d fallen asleep. And then they’ll remember who was on the other end of the line, and if that makes them smile a little too hard, well that’s just another thing they’ll pretend didn’t happen. 

***

March 2023

It’s only natural that when Paige finally feels like she can learn to live with just having a little bit of Azzi, that the world would show her just how wrong she could be. She’s been in a much better headspace these days, her knee finally starting to feel like itself again, bit by bit. The guilt of not being able to help her team is still settled into the pits of her stomach but even with that, she’s reached a sort of acceptance. And while she’s still struggling to fight the part of her heart that wants so much more, she’s learning to be content with just having her best friend back.

It’s that little bit of time in between conference tournaments and the NCAA tournament when it feels like the calm before the storm and it’s the first weekend since before the season that the UConn team finally gets to go out and let loose for a bit. They’re riding the height of winning another Big East title and even if it’s a little bittersweet that they did it without her, Paige is beyond the moon happy for her team. 

She turns up the music in her room and changes the lights for the sake of a little ambience, before sitting down at her desk, to call Azzi and do what little of her makeup she knows how to do. Normally she’d get one of the other girls or Kayla to do it, but she’d rather sacrifice a flawless makeup look then miss out on having Azzi tease her about how she still didn’t quite know how to do her eyeliner properly yet. 

The fact that it takes Azzi longer than the third ring to pick up should be Paige’s first warning sign but instead she’s sucking in a deep breath at the sight of her best friend who looks breathtakingly beautiful tonight. Paige’s heart stutters as she takes in Azzi’s face, the light layer of red lipstick (that Paige wants to kiss off), the blush-tinged cheeks (that Paige wants to caress delicately) and the perfectly done mascara on her eyelashes (that Paige wants to feel flutter against her own skin). 

She lets out a low appreciative whistle, “celebrating that Pac-12 championship in style huh?”

“Something like that,” Azzi bites her lip and really that should have been warning sign number two, “was there- was there something you needed?’

“I can’t just call you?” Paige asks, noticing the tension on Azzi’s face, “are you busy?”

“No it’s not-”

“She is actually,” a different voice cuts in aggressively and Azzi immediately gives whoever it is an exasperated look. Paige doesn’t know who it is, but she guesses it’s one of the UCLA players. It’s no secret they aren’t huge fans of her. They’d made that much clear the few times they’d met Paige during September, always regarding her with a wary eyes. It wasn’t their fault really, Paige understood their protectiveness, in fact she appreciated it more than they would ever understand. 

“Chill Angela.” 

“Are you not busy then?” the other voice who Paige assumes is Angela Dugalic says, clearly a little annoyed. And then Azzi’s phone is being shifted away from her and instead it’s Angela’s face that covers Paige’s screen. 

“Oh,” the blonde manages to get out, taken aback by the sudden change, “hi Angela.”

“Hi Paige,” the other girl says, her voice dripping with saccharine sweetness. 

“Angela,” there’s a clear warning in Azzi’s voice and Paige already knows, even before the words are let out into the open, that whatever Dugalic is about to say is going to tear her apart. 

“Azzi has a date tonight,” Angela pronounces the last words with a gleeful lilt. 

The world spins and Paige’s head spins with it, as she grips onto her desk for some semblance of stability. She can hear Azzi spluttering in the background as she tries to get her phone back but it’s of no use as the UCLA forward powers on. 

“With a really pretty girl,” Angela smirks at the camera, clearly trying to prove something, “Zoe’s really wonderful. You’d like her, Paige.”

Zoe. Recognition registers in Paige’s brain. She remembers seeing the name flashing on Azzi’s phone a couple of times, accompanied by a photo she never quite caught a glimpse of. But as she tended to do with most phone calls that came during her time with Paige, Azzi had simply just declined the call and texted whoever that she’d call her back later. And so Paige hadn’t really bothered caring about Zoe, chalking her up to being some random friend Azzi had made. But fuck, maybe she should have cared. 

“And Azzi really likes her I think. They’ve been tiptoeing around it for ages you know? But we all knew it was only a matter of time.”

A strangled noise escapes Paige’s throat and she tries her best to disguise it as anything but the cry of despair it is. It feels like there’s a thousand knives digging into her skin, pressing harder and harder until she has no blood left to bleed. 

“They’re gonna make the cu-”

“Give me my phone back Angela,” Azzi’s voice cuts in harshly and Paige hurriedly rushes to contort her features into a smile right before the camera’s back to facing her best friend. 

“So you’re all dressed up for a date then?” Paige manages to get out and the word date sounds like bile on her tongue. 

“Doesn’t she look lovely?” comes Angela’s voice again; the girl seemingly on a mission to break Paige as much as possible, “give her a proper look Az.”

“Angela,” Azzi hisses through gritted teeth. 

“N-no show me the fit,” Paige counters, because that’s what a best friend’s supposed to say right? Show me how fucking perfect you look for a girl that’s not me

Azzi hesitates, swallowing nervously, before she takes a couple of steps back so the camera captures all of her. And Paige wishes she’d never asked to be shown in the first place, hell she wishes she’d never bothered to call tonight. Because she thinks the image of Azzi’s casual light blue jeans and simple green off-the shoulder top will be etched in her mind forever, captioned with the words not for you. 

“You look lovely Azzi,” she whispers quietly, trying to keep her voice steady.

“Zoe won’t be able to keep her fucking hands off of you,” Angela supplies and this time the glare Azzi shoots her is murderous. 

“I think I hear Emily calling your name Angela.”

“I don’t-”

“Yes,” Azzi says pointedly, “yes you do.”

Angela rolls her eyes but doesn’t protest this time. She turns to the phone with a devilish grin, clearly feeling accomplished in being a menace, “nice talking to you Paige.”

She waltzes out, leaving Paige, Azzi and a silence that feels like it could drown them. 

“You could have told me,” the blond says after a second, averting her eyes from the screen, “aren’t dates the kind of thing best friends are supposed to tell each other?”

“Paige-”

“It’s good though- you-uh- you deserve a night out.”

“P-”

“Listen, I uh- I’m going out too so- I- umm- I better get going but-,” Paige takes in a deep breath, “have a- have wonderful time on your date Az.”

She hangs up before Azzi can reply, the concern in the younger girl's eyes becoming too much to bear. For a moment, she stares straight ahead at the wall, just processing. And then she lets herself fall apart. 

***

It’s 1 a.m., Paige is drunk and miserable and so fucking tired; it’s an extremely dangerous combination. Aaliyah and Amari had practically had to carry her to her dorm because she’d been stumbling far too much and everyone was worried she’d eventually fall flat on her face. Personally, Paige thought they just didn’t have enough faith in her. She wasn’t even that drunk, she couldn’t be. After all she could still feel that stupid Azzi-sized scar on heart and wasn’t the whole point of being drunk supposed to be not being able to feel? But she has to be drunk because sober her would know better than to do what she does next, would know better than to call Azzi when she has no control over herself. 

“Paige? Is everything okay? Are you okay,” Azzi’s voice is filled with concern when she answers.

“Azziiiii,” Paige slurs, “areyoustillwithyourdate?”

“What?”

“Are. you. still. with. your. date?” Paige pronounces each word slowly. 

“I- yeah. She’s in a different room. Paige, are you okay?” 

“Interesting,” the blonde remarks quietly, “you never picked up her calls when you were with me. And we weren’t even dating.”

She hears Azzi’s breath hitch on the other end, can almost picture her doing that nervous swallow of hers, “ I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“You didn’t care if she was okay then? Those times she called you?”

“That’s not- she didn’t call me at 1 a.m.” the younger girl justifies hollowly. 

“Bullshit,” Paige scoffs, “1 a.m. isn’t even that fucking late. Why is it so hard for you to admit you care about me waaaayyyyy more than you care about Zara or whatever?”

“Zoe. You’re drunk Paige, go to bed,” and Paige really should listen to the edge in Azzi’s voice.

“Where did y’all go?” she asks lightly, changing the subject, “c’mon Az, best friends share their date stories right?”

“Baltaire,” Azzi relents, choosing to let this battle go. 

“Oooh that restaurant we passed that one time wow,” Paige coos, “too fucking bad you hate fine dining huh? But she wouldn’t know that now would she? Because she doesn’t fucking know you.”

“Paige please,” Azzi breathes out quietly in a pained voice.

“But you know who does know you? Me. And I would have never taken you to some boring old fancy ass piece of shit restaurant like that.”

“Don’t-”

“I would have taken you on a picnic. Do you remember that park you loved, the one by my air bnb? There, that’s where I would have taken you. And I’d have gotten you supermarket sushi even though I fucking hate that shit but I know, I know, you like it. And flowers. Did she get you flowers? Because I- I would have. Roses and peonies and lilies, a whole fucking bouquet.”

And Paige is crying again, for the second time tonight, one hand gripping at her phone as the other one tries to wipe away the frantically falling teardrops. 

“And we’d stay at that park til the sun goes out and I’d take a polaroid of you in the sunset and I’d keep it forever. I swear Azzi, I’d keep it forever and I’d put it on my wall.”

“Paige,” Azzi whispers, as if it’s the only word she knows, as if it’s the only word that matters. 

“I’d bring my laptop so that when it finally gets dark, we can watch a movie. You choose Az, whatever you want. And I’d get distracted and start playing with your hair or something and you’ll pretend it’s annoying you but you’d be smiling. Fuck I love your smile.”

“You can’t- you can’t just say these things Paige.”

“Why not? It’s the truth right- why can’t I say the truth?,” Paige says petulantly, “but hush okay I’m not- I’m not finished yet. And then, then we’d just lie under the stars and it'd just be you, me and the sky. Perfect.” 

Azzi lets out a broken sob and Paige hates it, she hates it but she keeps on talking. 

“And then I’d take you home and I’d kiss you,” she whispers the last bit like a confession, “everywhere. Fuck, I’d make it so good for you Az. So good. Everything you wanted, everything you needed, I’d give you all of it. I’d make you come apart on my fingers and then my tongue-”

“Shut up,” Azzi’s voice is suddenly cold and frosty and it feels like all the heat has been sucked out of Paige’s room as well, “shut up, shut up, shut up.”

“Azzi-”

“No,” Azzi all but yells, “you don’t get to say all of that to me.”

“Then who does? Her? Zia or whatever? Who the fuck even is she?” Paige spits out venomously.

“Zoe. Her name is Zoe and you wanna know she is Paige?” 

She should say no. She should apologise for interrupting Azzi’s date and hang up the phone, but no, Paige doesn’t do any of that, “enlighten me why don’t you.”

“She’s the girl who was there,” Azzi says, her voice cracking, “she’s the girl who held me last year when I was going through the worst time of my life. She was there when I couldn’t make a fucking shot and I thought maybe I’d never be good enough. She was there when I let the pressure and the media and all of it get to my head. She was there when I was crying my eyes out over losing the one person I was sure would always stay. She- she’s who you were supposed to be because she was there, and you weren’t.”

Paige isn’t sure if it’s the bitterness behind Azzi’s words or the brokenness of her sobs that is the reason for the ache in her own chest. All she knows is that she still remembers tearing her ACL, and she doesn’t think it hurt as much as this. 

“It was supposed to be you,” Azzi sniffles, “I wanted it to be you. Because I’d have let you- fuck- Paige- I’d have let you take me on a picninc and if you brought me sushi I’d have brought you your favorite mac and cheese. I- I know you don’t really care about flowers so I’d get you chocolate, the rum-filled ones that you love. And that sunset polaroid would have been a selfie of us, where you’re kissing my cheek and I’d have it framed. I’d pick out a movie but first- first you could watch whatever basketball game was on and you’d get exasperated when I don’t know the team because I’m literally a basketball player,” she lets out a wet laugh, “but I know you secretly like explaining the NBA to me. And then- then I’d have let you take me home and I’d let you take everything. Whatever you wanted, it’d be yours.”

The vivid image of a date that never happened fills every inch of Paige’s brain. She feels like she’s in a bad dream, trying so hard to reach for a happiness that keeps on evading her grasp. 

“But you weren’t there then Paige, and you aren’t here now.” 

“Azzi-” Paige chokes out. 

“Go to bed Paige,” the younger girl says, her voice shaky but adamant, ‘Get some sleep. Maybe you’re drunk enough that you won’t remember this when I call you tomorrow.”

“Right. So we’re gonna pretend this never happened. Again. We’ll just keep on pretending forever I guess,” Paige retorts bitterly. 

“Yes, we will. Because if I stop pretending, I don’t think I’ll be able to survive.”

***

The buzzer rings around Climate Pledge Arena as the UCLA women’s basketball team loses in the Elite 8 on a last second buzzer beater. Azzi’s face contorts into one of sheer disappointment, and in the stands, Paige feels her own heart drop. She’s not one to root for a team outside of her own and god knows what would happen if Nika found out that she’d been screaming her head off each time the Bruins, or at least one specific Bruin, scored, but for Azzi, well, there’s not many of her own rules that Paige follows when it comes to her best friend. 

It had taken a fair amount of convincing on Paige’s part to even be able to come to this game. Everyone had wanted to leave immediately after the Sweet 16 loss but Paige had insisted they needed to stay in Seattle, do something to get the team’s mind off of the terrible end to their season. And that wasn’t a complete lie because even if she hadn’t been able to help when they needed it on the court, she could try and help boost morale. But she knew her teammates weren’t fooled. They knew the schedule just as well as she did and they knew exactly what or better yet, who she wanted to stay for. 

On the court, Paige can tell Azzi’s fighting back tears. The brunette had given it her all, scoring an efficient 34 points and really the game could have gone any way. That last minute heave from the opposing team really probably shouldn’t have gone in, but at the end of the day the NCAA tournament was a lot about skill but also a little about luck. But Paige knows, Azzi isn’t thinking about any of that, too busy finding a way to blame herself even though she’d had a near perfect night. They were just too similar sometimes. 

Azzi’s eyes flicker through the stands, clearly looking for a familiar face. Paige resists the urge to run on to the court and pull the younger girl into her arms and soothe away the defeated look in her eyes, if only for the fact that Azzi doesn’t actually even know she’d figured out a way to stay back for this game. Despite being in the same city, they hadn’t been able to spend nearly as much time together and while Paige’s teammates had tried to be of some help, Azzi’s teammates had seemed determined to pull her away as much as possible. All of that on top of the fact that they’re still playing that stupid game of pretend had left Paige wanting for just one moment alone for the two of them. 

As soon as the UCLA team starts heading back to their locker room, and the crowd starts leaving, Paige scurries towards where she knows Azzi will be. Their assigned locker room isn’t that far from where UConn’s had been and Paige gets there in almost record time, her mind firmly planted on being there for Azzi. She’d missed so many opportunities, but this time, this time she’d be there. 

Azzi’s leaning against the wall, her eyes closed and Paige has to take in a breath at the sight of her. Sweat sheens against her tan skin and her gameday braids are falling apart just a little but still, she’s perfect. Before Paige can take a step towards her, there’s another girl, all dark hair and long legs, brushing past her, rushing to get to Azzi’s side. It’s like the world has stopped and yet is spinning too fast all at the same time, as Paige watches this girl, Zoe, pull Azzi, Paige’s Azzi, into her arms. 

After the night of the date (and everything else they’re ignoring), Paige hadn’t bothered to bring it up and Azzi had never said anything about it again. Naively, the blonde had thought that maybe that meant nothing much had transpired after the date, silently patting herself on the back for possibly even having had a hand in that. Except, the way Zoe holds Azzi isn’t fucking platonic and the way Azzi relaxes in Zoe’s arms, isn’t fucking friendly. 

“I”ve got you Az,” Zoe whispers into Azzi’s hair and Paige wants to die. She should look away, she should walk away but her feet seem to be glued to the ground. And she remembers the way Azzi’s eyes were searching the crowd and oh- she’d been looking for- Paige can’t even let herself complete the thought because she’s sure she’ll burst into flames the second she does. 

“I’m really glad you’re here,” Azzi says quietly to Zoe. To Zoe, and not Paige. If she could feel anything beyond the dagger twisting in her heart, maybe Paige would hear the way there’s still a tinge of disappointment in Azzi’s voice, as if she’s wishing it was someone else. 

It takes Zoe pressing a kiss into Azzi’s forehead, eliciting a sigh from the brunette for Paige to finally tear her eyes away. Her feet finally move and then she’s running faster than she has in a long time, ignoring the way it causes her muscle to ache. She can’t tell if her rapid blinking is to usher away the tears or to try and prevent the memory of Azzi with some other girl from welding itself into her eyelids. It blurs her vision and in the speed of things, she can barely tell where she’s going. Paige runs chest-first into a wall, bruising her elbow. Her phone slips out of her hands, falling to the ground with a loud thud, the screen protector cracking into pieces. 

And when Paige looks at the mess of her phone on the floor, she thinks it couldn’t possibly have cracked harder than this silly little stupid heart of hers.

[heli-writes]

Seven summers, part 5.

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x female!reader

Summary: Every summer, Draco and y/n meet. First, by pure coincidence, then intentionally. Unbeknown to Draco, y/n's a muggle who has no clue he's a wizard. With the rise of the dark lord, how long can this go well?

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

Series Masterlist

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Fifth summer, August.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Draco,

I hope you're well. I am writing you this letter because I think we should talk about what happened last month.

I'm sorry I deceived you. I never meant to lie to you. At some point, I just didn't know how to say it. I wanted to tell you this summer, I swear! Then we kissed and everything was so different than expected. I just didn't have the courage to...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Draco,

I know you're angry and you have every right to be. Please believe me when I say I didn't mean to betray you. Actually, until our third summer, I didn't know you were a wizard. I just thought it was a culture thing. Then, after you told me how you feel about muggles, I was afraid to tell you. I thought you'd hate me too. Please, don't hate me. I don't know what...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Draco,

Please, give me one chance to explain myself. You've left without hearing my side. Hear me out and I promise...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Draco,

I'm sorry.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Frustrated, y/n throws her pen onto her desk. There are dozens of crumpled papers around her. In the last two hours, she started the same letter to Draco over and over again but so far, she hasn't found the right words to say. Not that it really matters. Without Draco's owl which regularly visited her for the past two years, she doesn't have a way to contact him. Apparently, wizards don't have a phone. Y/N takes out the trashcan from beneath her desk and swipes all the papers into it in one big swoop. Afterward, she groans and falls onto her bed face down. There's nothing to do in her room but to brood on the whole Draco situation. Supposedly, it is not necessary to mention that she's stuck in her room for two more weeks. After the night her parents had to pick her up at a train station in the middle of the night, of course, her parents asked questions. Questions that y/n couldn't answer without getting entangled in more and more lies. It all blew up in her face when her parents called Olivia's parents. After that, y/n had no other option but to tell them about the boy she's been seeing for a while. A long talk about sex trafficking and teenage pregnancy later, y/n got grounded for three weeks. I suppose I can be lucky I didn't get grounded for the entire summer holidays, she thinks to herself as she turns around to look for her phone only to realize that that's been taken away from her too. Suddenly, she's glad for the communication via owl. At least this way, her parents will find no messages that would incriminate her further. Y/n burries her face in a pillow and lets out a muffled scream.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

One week later

Y/n,

Don't think I am writing this because I have any concern for your muggle self. I don't care if you got home safely or not. Considering I got no news about a dead muggle girl in Salisbury, I suppose you live.

Honestly, I am just writing you this to draw a line under whatever it was that we did the last two years. I suppose even someone like you understands that a wizard like me cannot be associated with a muggle. It's absolutely absurd that I didn't notice it.

Just to make it absolutely clear: Don't tell anybody about me or the wizarding community or I can assure you the ministry will take care of you. Also, we're done.

D.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Puzzled, y/n blinks at the paper in front of her and then blinks at the owl that is sitting on her windowsill. Why on earth would he feel the need to write a letter like that, she questions herself. Obviously, she shouldn't tell anybody about wizards and after Draco's glorious exit at the inn, it should have been clear that they've broken up. Suddenly, she feels a hot pit of anger swelling in her stomach.

How dare he write a message like that, y/n thinks. Not a word from him for two weeks and then he sends me a threat and a break-up notice?, she fumes. She's not sure why he would risk getting caught writing to a muggle girl in the first place. Draw a line my ass, she thinks and rips up the letter into tiny little pieces. She watches the pieces float silently to her floor. Then, she pushes down her window with a loud bang, and glares at the owl for a few seconds, before turning away and continuing a half-finished jigsaw puzzle.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A few days later

Y/n,

Since the cover of the wizarding world hasn't been and there are no reports about a crazy woman talking about magic, I guess you didn't tell anybody about us. Good.

You know it really astonishes me how you managed to keep up the facade for so long. I never knew muggles could be this... adaptable. However, I think it was quite a malicious pretense of you. It makes me wonder if anything that you said or did was true. Not that it would matter to me.

Remember to keep quiet. I really can't have a muggle running around blabbering about wizard secrets.

D.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Y/n feels like she could spit fire. She lets out an angered scream and crumples up the letter. What a dick, y/n screams internally. I get he's angry at me, I get he doesn't want to so me anymore but what on earth is he trying to achieve with these letters?, y/n asks herself. She tries to shoosh Draco's owl away from her window. The owl lifts itself into the air and settles on a branch of the apple tree in y/n's garden. Y/n stares at the owl and the owl stares back. She turns away and throws Draco's letter into the trash bin. The anger made her feel too hot. Pulling her pullover over her head, she stumbles towards her closet and puts on a t-shirt. Meanwhile, she calls Draco all kinds of nasty names in her head. She no longer feels sorry. When she turns around, the owl sits at her windowsill again. Y/n rolls up a magazine and pokes the owl in the hope that it will take flight. The owl looks at her absolutely unbothered. Y/n pushes a bit harder and forces the owl towards the edge of the windowsill. Eventually, the owl gives up and glides to the apple tree again. "Go awaaaaay!!!", y/n yells out of her window and pulls her widow shut with a loud bang.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Another letter arrived a few days after that. It has a similar tone as the last two with an equal amount of insults towards muggle. Y/n is absolutely fuming. Draco's owl doesn't even bother leaving y/n's windowsill and already made itself comfortable. Y/n glares intently at the owl through her closed window. Finally, she pulls out a sheet of paper and a pen.

Draco,

I get it. I'm a stupid muggle and I shouldn't tell anybody about magic. I get it. You can stop sending letters now. You said we're done so I don't understand why you keep contacting me.

Don't get me wrong - I understand you're angry. I deceived you and breaking up with me is probably the right thing to do. I'm sorry I lied to you but I feel like you don't see why I acted this way. It's not like I knew that you were a wizard when we first met and when I got to know you, you started insulting people like me. What was I supposed to do? Have you ever considered that this world you live in intimidates me? Have you ever considered that maybe I was scared of losing what we had? Because I genuinely cared? I guess not.

Anyways, what's done is done. No need to dwell on it. Maybe it would do you good if you let go. It's time to get back to normal, don't you think?

Y/n.

Contently, y/n reads through her letter again. After folding it in two, she opens the window and holds it out towards the owl. The owl takes the letter without hesitation and takes off. Y/n watches the bird disappear into the grey clouds that hang low in the sky. Eventually, she closes the window and feels calmer than she has since the night at Stonehenge.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Y/n doesn't see any owl around her window for a little over the week. She's not grounded anymore for a couple of days. She spent the days in freedom by accompanying her mother to the dentist, to the supermarket, and to her auntie Paula. In short: her parents are still keeping her on a short leash. However, today she's allowed to meet a friend. Even if it's just to apologize. She's meeting Olivia in town. Olivia and her already texted after y/n got her phone back. So Olivia knows the gist and luckily she's not angry. Actually, being the teenage girl she is, Olivia is very excited to hear all about the mysterious guy y/n got herself in trouble for. It's the least thing y/n wants to talk about but it's only fair she owes Olivia some kind of explanation.

Y/n is getting ready in her room. Her mother already called her down several minutes ago. Obviously, she isn't allowed to take the bus by herself. Rummaging through her make-up bag y/n is trying to find a lip balm for her purse when she suddenly hears a soft clank on the window. By now, y/n knows the sound all too well. The sound of a beak on glass. She shoots around and is face to face with Draco's owl. For a moment, y/n contemplates not opening the window and leaving the owl where it is. At some point, it must get hungry and fly off again, right? However, curiosity killed the cat and y/n is pretty sure Draco will be the death of her. So she quickly opens the window, rips the letter out of the owl's beak and stuffs the letter into her bag. Her mother is already calling for her again and without looking back, y/n takes off.

"We pick you up exactly at 4 pm and the café, understand y/n?", her mother lectures her. "I expect you both to be there. I want to apologize to Olivia's parents in person.", she tells y/n. Y/n groans and pulls her hood over her face. "Didn't you already apologize on the phone? Can't we finally leave this behind? Obviously, I learned my lesson.", y/n begs. Her mother gives her a sharp look in the rear-view mirror of their car. "That's not of you to decide. You will have to earn our trust back.", her mother points out. Y/n knows her mother is right, but it still feels unfair. It was a horrible experience inside and out and y/n wants nothing more than to just forget about it. Her mother turns her attention back to the road. Y/n crosses her arms in front of her chest. Suddenly, she remembers the letter again. It's still sitting in her bag unopened. Carefully, she takes it out. She holds it low, close to her lap, so her mother wouldn't see.

Y/n,

Meet me today at Trafalgar Square. 3 pm sharp.

D.

Y/n stares at the message in disbelief. Is he joking? Is this some kind of setup? So that they can grab her and make her disappear or whatever wizards do to normal people who accidentally get to know about magic? Yeah, no, I'm absolutely not going., y/n thinks. Somehow she wishes Draco had a phone so that she could react to this message with a couple of middle finger emojis. She crumples up the paper and stuffs it back into her back.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Olivia's already waiting when her mother drops her off. She even gets out of the car to exchange some words with Olivia and to make sure her parents are really picking her up. Y/n can feel her cheeks heat up with embarrassment. However, Olivia takes it cool. She answers y/n's mother's question politely and acts as if absolutely nothing out of the ordinary happened since the last time she's seen her.

This attitude drops really fast once y/n's mom is back in the car and out of sight. Olivia turns around, makes a squeaking sound, and says: "You need to tell me everything!". Apparently, y/n must've had a really dumb look on her face. "C'mon, y/n! My parents told me all about your lie.", Olivia grins. Once they've settled in a quiet niche at the café, Olivia looks at y/n expectantly. Y/n sighs. After all, she knew she had to talk about this. "Look, Olivia, I'm really sorry about all of this. I shouldn't have you involved in my lie. I-i was stupid and I really learned my-", y/n starts but Olivia immediately interrupts her. "Yes, yes! Save that speech for my parents. I get it, you lied. More importantly, you met a boy.", Olivia says and wiggles her eyebrows. "More like a massive jerk.", y/n deadpans. Olivia nods agreeingly. "And yet you lied so that you can spend a weekend with him all alone.", Olivia grins and gives her the look. Y/n sighs. "It's not like you think.", y/n tries to argue. "Riiiight... that's why you hid him from your parents.", Olivia says and crosses her arms. Y/n sighs and stirs her drink. "Well, fine, we've been together since Christmas and wanted to spend some time together in the summer.", she says defeatedly. "First of all, it's not. Second of all, since Christmas? Why am I only hearing now about it?", Olivia asks. Y/n shrugs. "It's not like I've been seeing him a lot since then. He goes to a boarding school and is only around in the summer and for Christmas.", she points out. Olivia thinks about this for a moment. "So, you've been just texting?", Olivia says unconvinced. "If that's your way of asking if we were screwing the answer is no. We've only been... uh, texting.", y/n says. Olivia crunches her eyebrows. "This is less juicy than expected. But did you kiss? And what about the weekend away? That sounds like a perfect opportunity to lose your v-card.", Olivia keeps asking. Y/n blushes. "V-card? Really? That's so lame, Olivia.". Olivia shrugs. "I'm not saying I'm supporting the patriarchal idea of virginity but the first time is special and exciting for everyone, isn't it?", she argues. Y/n shrugs. "I wouldn't know. Again, nothing happened. We only kissed.", she underlines her point. Suddenly, there's a glint in Olivia's eyes. "Ooohhh... you kissed? Was it good?", she asks teasingly. Y/n snips a small ball of paper at Olivia. "I mean, yes, but it doesn't matter. We broke up.", she says solemnly. "Clearly, otherwise your parents wouldn't had to pick you up at the station in the middle of the night.", Olivia points out, "What happened? You two had a fight?". Y/n shrugs. She feels her eyes burning. She thought she was over it. Really, she thought that Draco's stupid letters made her angry enough to forget how deeply the whole thing hurt her. "Yes. He expected me to be something I'm not. Took of when he noticed and left me behind.", y/n says. Olivia looks at her for a moment. "Let me guess. He wanted to screw you and when you didn't want to he dropped you? Man, guys suck.", Olivia takes a guess. Y/n shakes her head. "No, that wasn't it. He was actually super respectful. It was more like... a rich asshole finding out your common trash.", y/n lies. "Oof... he comes from old money? That kind of guy?", Olivia asks. Y/n nods. "Yup, that kind of guy.", she says. "Well good thing you didn't screw him. Those are the worst baby daddies.", Olivia nods as if she had any more experience with these things than y/n had. "Olivia, can you take this serious?", y/n says frustrated.

Olivia holds up her hands in defense. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You're right. ... So you didn't hear anything from him ever since?", she asks. Y/n puffs and puts her hair up in a messy loop. All this talk got her warm. "Oh, I heard from him, believe me.", she says angrily. "That doesn't sound good. What did he say?", Olivia asks. "Oh, he told me what a terrible person I am alongside some threats not to tell anybody.", she tells her. Olivia slurps a bit of her drink watching her intensely. "Ah, afraid about his reputation? So, he's an arrogant prick.", Olivia points out. Y/n nods. "Yeah, and look at what he sent me today.", y/n says and pulls out Draco's note. Olivia raises a brow and takes the piece of paper. "Old fashioned, I see.", Olivia mumbles and quickly reads through the note. "I really don't get it. He tells me he doesn't want to see me anymore and then he keeps sending me messages and now he wants to meet? Why on earth would I want to see him after everything? After he said these terrible things to me?", y/n rambles. Olivia gives her a side-eye and slides the paper back to her. "Well, isn't it obvious?", Olivia says matter-of-factly. "No.", y/n states bluntly. Olivia shrugs. "He's hooked. He doesn't want to mingle with a poor commoner, he's afraid about his reputation but he also can't let go.", Olivia explains. Y/n laughs into her face. "Sure, that's why he keeps lashing out at me.", she argues. Olivia shrugs. "Maybe he's not a good communicator and that's the only way he knows how to keep in touch with you. Or he's too proud to admit he likes you even though you don't have the same social status as him.", Olivia thinks out loud. Actually, she might be right, a voice in y/n's head says. Y/n shakes her head. "So?", Olivia asks. "So what?", y/n asks back. "Are you going to meet him?" Y/n looks at Olivia as if she's grown three heads. "Are you insane? Absolutely not!", she exclaims. Olivia shrugs. "You liked him enough to pull off this big-ass lie to get a weekend with him. And now you don't want to give him another chance?", Olivia questions her. Y/n kneads her hands. "I- it's... Look, he left me at a creepy in, in the middle of the night, in a town I don't know. Then he keeps pointing out what a low-life I am compared to him via text. Why would I want to see him again?", she exclaims. Olivia looks at her softly. "Because you have feelings for him? Clearly enough for his words to still hurt you. You guys could either reconcile or you can give him a piece of your mind.", Olivia argues. Y/n turns her head away like a frustrated toddler. "My mother would ground me forever.", she says. Olivia sighs. "Stop finding excuses to not face him. I'll stay here in case your mom shows up early. It's still early, you can catch the next bus.", Olivia says determinedly. Y/n looks at her blankly trying to come up with another reason to not go, but she draws a blank. "Don't look at me so stupidly, go!", Olivia ushers her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Y/n wraps her jacket around her. Even though it's summer and it's warm, she still feels cold. And nervous. And very uncomfortable. Olivia dragged her to the bus stop, shoved her into the bus, and before y/n could fathom what was happening, she was already standing on Trafalgar Square. She tries not to look around and search for him. She doesn't want to look desperate or give him the satisfaction of knowing she missed him, which she, of course, did not.

"Y/n", a familiar voice said behind her. Y/n turns around to Draco standing behind her. Suddenly all oxygen is knocked out of her lungs. She's not sure whether it's because she doesn't know what to say to him or because he is as good-looking as she remembers him. She wished her initial reaction to him would be repulsion, which would be an appropriate reaction she thinks. However, her heart takes a leap and she feels warm in places she shouldn't feel warm at all. Draco doesn't take his hands out of his pockets and y/n doesn't move her arms away from her chest. "You wanted to meet?", is all she can croak out. He nods without looking into her eyes. When he doesn't say anything. "Well, what do you have to say? Make it quick, I'm already in trouble.", she asks. Suddenly, but slowly, y/n can feel her anger returning in her chest. Draco's eyes snap to hers. "Don't you have anything to say?", he asks back. Y/n shrugs. "If you're looking for an apology, I've already given you one in writing.", she bites back. Draco frowns. "Really, that's all you've got to say to me?", he says bitterly. Y/n stares back at him irritated. "Well, what do you want me to say?", she asks.

Suddenly, Draco looks really helpless. "Well... I... you... I thought...", he tries looking for words. Y/n waits patiently. Let him struggle, she thinks. Draco stomps his foot on the ground angrily. "You lied to me!", he blurts out. Y/n huffs. "Firstly, I gave you an apology for that. Secondly, I never claimed to be a witch. You assumed it, which I didn't get at first, and then I just went with it.", she exclaims. Draco looks at her angrily. "Well, why would you go with it? I don't get it.", Draco argues. "Because I was thirteen years old, you just abducted me in a magical alleyway and then you go off about how awful people like me were. I was scared!", y/n blurts out a bit too loudly and Draco shushes her. "You telling me you were scared of me?", Draco hisses back quietly. Y/n lifts her hands above her hands frustratedly. "Yes! Of course! You grew up with magic, it's natural and everyday life for you! It's not for me. It scared me shitless because I suddenly didn't know what's real and possible anymore. Also, you literally told me your kind could wipe us out!", y/n whisper yells back at him. This stuns Draco for a moment. "I didn't say that.", he tells her. "Don't gaslight me, Draco. Yes, you gave me shit about muggleborns and muggles and then you told me wizards could literally wipe muggles off the face of earth.", y/n argues. Draco is quiet for a moment then points out: "If you are so scared of me, why did you continue to see me?". Y/n shrugs. "You're an arrogant prick, Draco, but you're also my first friend since I moved overseas.", she tells him. Draco is too stunned to speak. Y/n pushes her hands through her hair. "Look, I should've told you. Yes, at first I was scared and then... I don't know. You were my friend, Draco, I didn't want to lose that.", she sighs. Draco turns his head away. "That's what I am to you? A friend?", he mumbles. Y/n stares at him in disbelief. He's hooked, that's what Olivia said. Maybe she's right, y/n thinks. "For a while.", she tells him, "Obviously not since Christmas. Which didn't exactly make it easier to tell you.". Draco turns back to without meeting her eyes. "It would've been better to tell me than let me find out his way.", he says. Y/n looks at him softly. "Of course. It's definitely not how I wanted it to come out. But in all honesty... would the outcome be any different if I had told you? You always let me know how little you think of muggles. You still would've broken up with me.", she points out to him. Draco stays quiet and shrugs. "I don't know. Probably. It's not like we could be together like this.", he says. Y/n nods. "Yeah, guess it's against the law for people like us to be together. Your wizard police probably would have to erase my memories or something.", she says. Draco shrugs again. "It's... it's not against the law, actually. There are plenty of mixed couples.", he relents, "But my parents would never accept you". Y/n gives him a confused look. "Your parents?", she asks him. "No offense, Draco, but I don't give a fuck about your parents. I was concerned about you accepting it. You didn't strike me with the open-minded, tolerant mindset, you know.", she tells him. Draco looks away again. He seemed to be ashamed. "Look, I know I said some horrible things, but...", he starts. "But what?", y/n interrupts him, "You made it pretty clear what you think about people like me. Don't try to tell me you've changed suddenly. Because I don't buy it." Draco looks down in defeat. Y/n feels like it's the first time he's been called out on his racist attitude. She pulls her jacket closer around her body. Good, she thinks. "You're right.", he tells her, "And I'm sorry for the things I said. Actually, I've been thinking a lot about it". "About what?", she asks. "Muggles... and you, I guess.", he says. "Elaborate.", y/n simply demands. Draco shrugs and huffs. "Well, you see... I never had any contact with muggles. All I knew about your world, is what my parents told me.", he tries to explain.

Y/n starts shaking her head. "Nu-uh. Don't blame this on your parents. That's an excuse when you're six years old. At some point, you're old enough to question the things your parents say. You're old enough to understand the world and how human beings treat each other", y/n calls him out. Draco nods in defeat. "Yes, and I never did. I never questioned it. But I've been questioning it since I found out you're a muggle.", he tells her. Y/n rolls her eyes. "Oh, so it's been an eye-opening event, yes? Sorry, but years of internalized racism don't go away because you have one friend who is different.", she says bitterly. Draco nods again. "Probably not.", he admits, "but it did change my mind a little bit. I always had this idea how muggles are. You know, dumb, different." "Thank you.", y/n says dryly. Draco takes his hands out of his pocket and waves them in front of him in defense. "No, that's not... ugh. I mean, I realized that you're not that different from us. I mean I didn't notice you weren't a witch for years. I guess I'm the dumb one.", he explains. Y/n shrugs. "Sounds about right.", she tells him. "Doesn't mean you were right to not tell me.", he points out. Y/n shrugs again. "It wasn't. I was a coward and selfish.", she answers. "Sounds about right.", Draco repeats her sarcastically.

They stare at each other for a while in silence. "So, what now?", y/n asks. Draco shrugs. "Good talk, have a good live?", y/n suggests. Draco looks at her wide-eyed. "You want that?", he asks her. Y/n shrugs. "Do we have a different choice? Your parents will kill you when they find out about your muggle girlfriend. And my parents sure as hell will kill me if they find out I'm meeting the guy who stayed with me in an inn all alone for two days.", she declares. "You got in trouble with your parents?", Draco asks carefully. Y/n nods. "Yeah, what did you think? You left me at a magical inn in the middle of the night. Did you think I stayed and went home the next day like nothing happened? I went home in the middle of the night and my lie blew up in my face.", she tells him. Draco looks down ashamed. "I shouldn't have left you there.", he says. Y/n shrugs. "Whatever. Anyways, since our parents will not approve of this, probably better to call it off, eh?", she answers. Draco looks at her. Does he actually look sad?, y/n asks herself. "I mean... what if they don't know?", he asks quietly. Y/n laughs dryly at that. "Yeah, that worked out great the first time.", she says. Draco looks like she hit him in the face. "Because I was ignorant and you kept your secret. But we can do it differently this time.", he pleads with her and y/n thinks that it's a little bit pathetic. Also, she's really glad he is because right now her pride is in her own way. "You call me out when I'm a prick and you don't keep secrets.", he proposes. Y/n shrugs. "How about we both don't keep secrets?", she says carefully. Draco seems to cheer up immediately. "Deal.", he prompts. Y/n gives him a small smile.

Suddenly it's awkward between them. "Sooooo...?", y/n says and makes an awkward hand gesture. "So, we stay together?", Draco ends her sentence. "Yes?", y/n answers. "That doesn't sound convincing.", Draco deadpans. Y/n takes a deep breath. "Yes.", she tells him. Draco gives her a soft smile. "Now what?", y/n asks awkwardly. Draco shrugs. "We hug?", he proposes. Y/N smiley back. "Okay.", she replies. Awkwardly, they step forward and put their arms around each other. For a moment, y/n feels really uncomfortable. Then, Draco's smell hits her and he pulls her closer so that her face rests against his shoulder. Y/n's body instantly relaxes and she hugs him back closer. After a while, they loosen the hug a bit and are face-to-face with each other. "Do we...?", Draco asks carefully and y/n gives him a soft smile. "Yes.", she whispers and pulls his face towards hers. Their lips meet in a soft kiss and Draco leans in. Y/n would've enjoyed the kiss if her phone hadn't started vibrating in her pocket. Draco jumps back immediately. "What's that?", he stutters. "Just my phone.", she tells him and pulls it out of her pocket. It's Olivia.

"Hate to interrupt the moment, but it's half past three. We need to take the next bus back to the café.", Olivia's voice echoes on the other side of the phone. Y/n swirls around and looks around frantically. "On your right.", Olivia tells her and y/n catches her leaning on a streetlamp on the other side of the road. "How did you-?" "Get here?", Olivia finishes her sentence. "Didn't trust that guy and wanted to look after you. Seems like you didn' need me, bravo!", she tells y/n. "But seriously, we need to go." Y/n nods. "Alright, I'm coming.", she replies and hangs up. "I need to go.", she tells Draco. Draco's eyes are fixated on Olivia who gives him a short wave. "Does she know?", he asks her sharply. "About you and me? Yes. About you being a wizard? No. I keep my promises.", y/n tells him. Draco relaxes a bit and turns his gaze back to her. "You have to go?", he asks. "Yes, my mother picks me up soon. I'm already on thin ice with her. I'd rather not know what she'll do if she finds out about this.", she replies. Draco nods in agreement. "When will we see each other again?", he asks her hopefully. Y/n thinks about it for a moment. "Last week of the summer holidays? I might need some more time to convince my parents I won't do anything stupid.", y/n proposes. "Alright. Be careful. I'll send you an owl.", Draco says. Y/n nods and gives him a smile. They quickly hug each other and when y/n pulls away, Draco grabs her face and gives her a long, passionate kiss that leaves y/n breathless. She almost stumbles when he lets go of her. "See you soon, y/n.", Draco says softly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In the next few weeks, y/n and Draco frequently exchanged letters. What happened in Salisbury is not spoken of anymore. However, Draco's tone and choice of words slightly changed. No snarky remarks about the muggle world anymore. Instead, he includes lengthy explanations about anything magical. Y/n thinks he is trying a little bit too hard, but is grateful nonetheless. Finally, she gets some context for some things he says. Meanwhile, y/n is a bit more open about her own life. About the movies she watches or the things she does with her friends. In a way, things are better now. Y/n doesn't carry around the weight of constant hiding and doesn't have to be careful about her words. Moreover, in Olivia, y/n finally found a friend who she can giggle about boys with and who can keep a secret.

Y/n and Draco met a few times at the end of August. Y/n showed her some muggle activities and Draco took her to Diagon Alley again and made her try all kinds of magical things. Of course, it's a risk to take y/n to magical places but Draco decided that y/n managed to blindside him for 5 years, others probably won't notice for like 5 Minutes. It's been a bliss, really. Finally, this feels like a real relationship to y/n. They're just some teenagers holding hands and making out and sneaking around their parents. Y/n wished these moments last forever but sooner or later September arrives and Draco has to go back to Hogwarts.

Y/n is standing at King's Cross. Draco and her are hiding behind a pillar at platform 8. He already crossed over to platform 9 3/4 20 minutes ago after saying goodbye to his parents. He came back to say goodbye to y/n a couple of minutes later. "It's only until Christmas.", Draco says as y/n clings to his chest. She buries her face into him. "I know, but somehow this feels worse than last year.", she mumbles. Draco rubs her back and grins. "Geez, I wonder why.", he says. Y/n pinches his arm. Draco lets go of her and rubs her arms. "I'll write you every week, I promise.", he tells her. "You should really get a phone. We could talk every day.", y/n argues. She's been trying to convince him for the past weeks. Communication would be so much easier. Also, her mum gets suspicious about the amount of bird shit that's on her windowsill. Fair enough, she doesn't seem to get that a literal owl is visiting her daughter. Instead, she gives y/n shit about feeding pigeons.

"Seriously, it won't be that bad. School starts soon and then we both have so much school work up our asses, we won't even notice until Christmas comes around.", Draco tries to soothe her. Y/n sighs. "I guess. I'll still miss you.", she tells him defeated. Draco smiles at her softly. "Yeah, I'll miss you too.", he replies. He leans down and gives her a kiss on the lips. Y/n's eyes flicker to the big clock behind Draco. "You have to go.", she points out and Draco nods. Y/n's lips form a thin line. She really hates this. Draco softly strokes over her cheek. "Yeah. See you soon, love. Don't miss me too much.", he says as he turns around to catch his train. Suddenly, y/n's face lits up. "Hey, Draco!", she yells after him. He turns around. "We've survived summer! In contrast to Blaise and that girl!", she yells. Draco laughs and shakes his head. "Well, at least I have something to brag about.", he laughs as he makes his way to platform 9 3/4.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tag list: @gypsylilim @caffeine-addict-slug @huiiline @rclector @am0iur @nofacenonamelikekira @0iheartu @jahaina @eringaitskill @jae-is-confused @stormy-stardust @a-beaverhausen @niyahzda1

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[mrs-weasley-reid]

I love 'Cases and Candie'! Could you perhaps write one about the first time the reader does this with the team all confused? If not that's cool. ❤️

STARTING A TRADITION•••

bau team x bau!reader Cases and Candies prequel

Sypnosis: you have a lot of sweets up in your sleeves. WARNING: nothing. all fluff. A/N: OMG YESSSSS! This has been sitting in my drafts for 2 months but I've been so busy to post it! Sorry for the long wait and I hope you enjoy! <3

To say that the case was tiring is an understatement. The BAU team is shattered. Dozing off. Sore necks. Two weeks of an exhausting case rendered everyone overdue for an uninterrupted forty-eight hours of slumber.

Granted, the next few days were reserved for catching up on paperwork. A little slack off the weight of the recent case. Nonetheless, it didn't make any BAU agents feel better.

Your eyes barely managed to stay open while you got off the jet, almost causing a domino effect if it wasn't for Hotch's alert reflexes. You tripped on a step and were about to lay your weight on poor lanky Spencer Reid when Hotch caught the back of your collar, choking you awake.

The drive back to Quantico wasn't any restful than you'd hoped, either. Emily drove on the verge of dozing off, freestyling on the traffic lane. You, JJ, and Spencer were bombarded with honking cars and a few patrons cursing, all while praying for your lives to be spared. Surprisingly, you all managed to get to the parking lot in one piece.

In the elevator, it felt like someone had died. The silence was deafening, yet none of you disrupted it, submerging yourselves with little peace. In fact, none of you realized that the elevator doors had slid open until it lost patience and closed the doors.

Emily exclaimed, "The doors! Push! Push!"

Spencer absentmindedly jammed the button for the doors to open.

"That's enough, Reid." Derek placed a hand on Spencer's shoulder as he exited the elevator.

Everyone emerged from the small lift, sluggishly dragging their feet on the linoleum floor.

"Good evening," Strauss greeted with an apologetic look.

Rossi was the first to express his immediate opposition to whatever the section chief was about to say. "I told you," He turned to Hotch, "We should've just gone straight home."

Strauss sighed with a tight lip, "I'm sorry, everyone, but I need your brief action reports about your recent case by tonight." She would've turned a blind eye if she could, but the higher-ups were on her neck, too. She could only offer a pitiful, awkward smile.

Simultaneously, all of you groaned like children. But something caught your attention when you hoisted your go-bag under your arm.

You felt small pebbles poke on your side the tighter you held your bag close. And soon, it clicked. You remembered the small pouch of candies you bought on your way to the airport.

You had the habit of rewarding yourself with sweets, no matter how huge or small your deed was. So, when you saw the adorable packaging at the souvenir shop in the hotel lobby, you didn't think twice.

You planned to indulge in it when you got home, but your colleagues seemed to need the tiny reward as well. And as a kind and thoughtful human being—looking over the part where Derek stole your last chocolate bar—you decided to share your little source of dopamine.

Everyone slugged to their respective cubicles or offices.

Spencer's head dove into his desk, eyes blown wide and red. He was shaking like he was about to explode. It made sense for someone who downed three mugs of coffee, and yet his body couldn't cooperate with anything he wanted to do.

Emily repeatedly smacked the thin manila folder atop her head, "Absorb it. Absorb my brain. I don't wanna write!" She whined childishly.

Derek laughed at the two of them, unaware of him writing with a pen that ran out of ink. His grin dropped as soon as his eyes looked down on his paper.

Hotch finally entered the bullpen, returning from a short conversation with Strauss. His face no longer held his stoic expression but instead masked with exhaustion and frustration.

Before Hotch retreated inside his office, he leaned against the railing, looking over the three agents and you. "Just write as much as you can in an hour, then you may go." He announced and shut his door.

You quickly stood up, catching the other three agents' attention. You held a smile on your face, which left them confused and annoyed at the same time.

"No offense, but I really want to punch that smile off your face right now," Emily grumbled, fanning the folder on her face to keep herself awake.

"Yeah, I hate it too." Spencer agreed, rubbing his eyes frustratedly.

You rolled your eyes at Spencer, "Weren't you the one to say that smiling can trick your brain into happiness?" You reasoned, taming your excitement over a small piece of candy.

Spencer blinked slowly. You didn't need 187 IQ to know that he was planning your murder in detail in his head while he glared at you in silence.

"What about sweets?" You waved your small pouch in front of them. "This one was kind of expensive. I was going to share it with everyone, but I guess everyone is too tired for a piece of candy." You shrugged, slowly putting your hand down.

"Hold on!" Emily rolled her seat to peek over your cubicle, "Are those liquor-filled candies?"

Derek's ears rang, lifting his gaze up. "A what-what candy?"

"Each candy has alcohol. Well, most of them. I bought assorted candies." You said, drawing the boy genius in.

"D-did you know that eating s-sweets quickly goes from the stomach to the bloodstream and then to the brain, where it causes a surge in dopamine?" Spencer almost drooled as he followed the sway of your pouch.

You grinned teasingly, "Is that so?"

He nodded vigorously, licking the bottom of his lip as his eyes sparkled.

"Shoot," Derek winced, clutching his leg. "Kicking doors for two weeks makes you sad. I think a piece of candy that has brandy would help."

Emily glared at Derek, "I..." She craned her neck, pointing at the to-go cup on her desk. "I think the coffee burned my tongue! I need something to test if my taste buds are ruined. Say a candy or something." She glanced at your pouch.

"Halloween is a month from now," Spencer announced as if it was enough reason for you to give him a piece of candy.

You scoffed a laugh, shaking your head. "Fine," You opened the pouch and faced it to them, "But only one for each. I'm going to share it with the others."

The three of them simultaneously grinned, racing on who gets to pick first.

"I wanted that one!" Emily hissed at Derek, who swiftly unwrapped the packaging and shoved it in his mouth.

"Hmm?" Derek jazzed his hands, smirking at Emily.

Spencer meticulously decided as if he was making a chess move. In the end, he chose a truffle.

"Ooo, what do we have here?" JJ chimed in as she walked in the bullpen, carrying a few folders.

You smiled and extended your arm towards her, "Have some sweets, Ms. Gorgeous."

JJ chuckled and raised a brow, "I am definitely taking your offer. This is rare." She quickly rummaged through the small pouch. After a few seconds, JJ grabbed another candy, a plain caramel-filled chocolate. "For Henry."

"Nah, that's for Henry's mom too," Derek interjected, pointing accusingly at JJ.

"If she's getting more, then I should too. Halloween candies are supposed to be more than one." Spencer's hand quickly dove inside your little pouch as if it was deeper than the ocean.

"Geez," You laughed after they were all satisfied to acquire another piece. "You guys can pass as scammers." You shake your head, closing the pouch in case another hand attempts to get a piece.

You then headed to Rossi's office, knocking softly. "Want some liquor-filled candy?" You peeked through the door.

Rossi lifted his gaze and was met with your wiggling pouch. He smiled and motioned for you to come in. "And when do you ever share your treasured sweets?" He said, putting his pen down to give you his full attention.

You snorted, "What do you mean? I always share." You giddily snickered, walking closer to his desk.

"I guess we don't have to talk about Spencer's one-week bruise during that one case..." Rossi shrugged and grabbed one candy from your pouch.

"He ate my last candy, Rossi! Not because it was in the jet's kitchenette doesn't mean he can eat it." You defended, grinning at his raised brow.

Rossi hummed in response, knowing not to press further.

You left his office not long after he thanked you for a nice red wine-flavored candy. So, your feet quickly brought you to Hotch's office.

"Come in." He said from behind the door. Hotch gazed at you with tired eyes, furrowing his brows when he saw your playful grin, "Can I help you with something?"

"Nope," You shook your head and softly smiled, standing before his desk. You placed a whiskey-flavored candy in front of his nameplate, "Great job on the case, boss." You put your thumbs up, then skipped out of his office like a toddler who's given permission to stay up past her bedtime.

He watched as you exited his door and almost tripped on the stairs down the bullpen. Hotch shook his head and flashed his rare smile, reaching for the candy. He popped it in his mouth, widening his grin when the bittersweet taste of whiskey spread on his palette. The next sentences on his action reports were written with less weight.

Down the bullpen, Penelope begrudgingly poured coffee in her mug, mumbling curses and how she would hack into the higher-ups' computers and spam them with ads. Action reports were not on her task, but if the team stays, she stays.

"Hey, beautiful lady," You nudged her.

"I love you with all my heart, but I am in no condition to be all happy, happy. I might choke someone who breathes next to me." Penelope sipped her coffee, tasting every single drop.

Your palm served as a platform for the little sweet, advertising the red-wrapped candy between Penelope's eyes. "I just wanted to offer the prettiest tech analyst a token of my gratitude in a form of candy. Will you accept?"

Penelope's eyes twinkled, her lips twitching into a smile. She carefully took the sweet from your hand and offered you a kiss on the cheek. "I'm sorry I doubted your intentions, my liege."

"You're forgiven," You giggled and gave her a side hug.

After having a little chat with Penelope, distracting her mind off the fact that you still had to write paperwork, you went back to your cubicle.

A small sticky note on top of your pile of manila folders greeted you.

I don't mind doing extra action reports in exchange for chocolate truffles — S.R

And who were you to decline such an offer?

[bluebellhairpin]

Thorin Oakenshield X Fem!Reader

Summary; Meeting up with Thorin's Company at Bag End didn't go as smoothly as anyone expected. But as the journey to Erebor begins, eventually everyone settles into a new rhythm of normal - even you and Thorin.

Warnings; Mentions of nightmares/visions of the future. Reader is female-body-coded, uses she/her pronouns, and is Human.

Listening to; 'Noble Maiden Fair' from Brave - "Sun and moon, guide us, to the hour of our glory and honor."

Part 2

Series Masterlist || Masterlist || Ko-Fi

This is a re-write of a old series! If you'd like to read the original, you can find it Here.

Waking up in a strange place, with little to no memory of the events of the day before, had sent you into a panic. 

When things started coming back to you like second nature - your name, places, how to do things and live - you figured, maybe, this wasn’t something to be so worried about. 

Maybe it happened often? 

You wandered a lot, and on your wanderings down in a place called the Brown Lands, you met someone. Not a man - a wizard - Gandalf was his name, somehow you knew it without him even telling you. You trusted him easily, as if you did know him already - something deep inside told you he wasn’t going to hurt you, that he was good - so when he gave you a map to the Shire - to Bag End - after a meal you shared, you took it with a nod. 

The place you needed to go wasn’t far away, a few days of swift travel on horseback and you could be there - but you had no horse - and from what Gandalf said, it would be quite the dangerous journey. Weapons that would’ve been needed were not something you had on hand either. So you stayed in that small town working your arse off in order to have enough favours to pull to get you the resources needed - sturdier clothes, a bigger travel pack, food that could last, a sword, and a horse. 

It took you less than two weeks. 

You picked out a study mountain horse, with a dark coat and lighter colored mane. His owner said his name was Phar Lap. He was perfect. 

You soon found your way over the mountain ranges that lead towards Bree, and by the time you'd made it to Bag End on the night Gandalf said you should be there by, you had already quite a journey and story under your coat to tell. 

You’d tied up your horse, and let yourself into the Hobbit-Hole. The door was left cracked open, and no one answered when you lightly rapped against the window. 

Ducking in and making your way through hall into the atrium outside the dining room, the dwarfs in your eyeline went silent. 

You were relieved to see that everyone Gandalf said would be there had arrived already. The hobbit in front of you followed their gazes and looked over at you, as did the dwarf sitting at the table’s head and Gandalf. The other dwarfs moved to try and see you better.

“And who might you be?” The Hobbit - Bilbo, something in your mind whispered - asked, already irritated from his unexpected guests, but by the dwarfs reaction he guessed you were definitely uninvited, and therefore was even less pleased. 

“I invited her, she shall be our number fifteen.” Gandalf said, taking a blow of his pipe. “She’s here to help.” he added and sat back up. 

“To take back the mountain, Erebor. Gandalf told me much about your journey already, I’m more than willing to help you.” You said. Something about being in this situation had you giddy. Like you’d been waiting much longer than you knew to be able to meet them - and help them. 

“Why might we need your help?” The dwarf at the head said. Thorin, that same voice told you. He quickly ruined your pleasant mood and stood to emphasize his protest - even though he just reached your chin when standing at his full height, he was still making you want to shrink in on yourself. “You aren’t a dwarf, and yet you’re too small, too weak. You’re no Hobbit burglar either. What could you possibly do to help us?” You eyed Thorin, weary, but wondering if he could really be so hostile to a stranger who was offering their help. 

“I know things. I see how events play out in dreams.”

“Oh and what use is that exactly?” 

“You’re asking me that? You willingly have a wizard in your company, and you’re asking me how visions of the future would help you?” You were very quick to bite back at him, to match his hostility. “I wouldn’t have travelled all the way from The Brown Lands to help you if I doubted if the visions were true. Gandalf wouldn’t have told me to come if he thought I was too weak or small.” All eyes then turned to Gandalf, of which was pretending he hadn’t quite heard you.

“I already told you she’s here to help. I’ve spoken, if you wish to ignore me that will be your fault.” He said promptly after seeing too many eyes on him. 

“I don’t mind her coming!” A young blond dwarf said, a smile cracking onto his face as he playfully hit the shoulder beside him - his brother, Kili- on the shoulder. “We could use a pretty face among all the ugly mugs here.” 

You looked over at the two younger dwarves bitterly, as the others erupted in laughter. “I’m well aware I’m the only woman here, but I won’t be reduced down to just a pretty face.” A quiet fell into the group as the laughter died down, your stern eyes receiving nods, and mutterings of ‘fair enough’. 

“I don’t wish to sound like I’m doing what you just asked me not to do,” A dwarf who looked much too young to be among his associates stood, “But I want you to know that I think you are really, really pretty.” You took in a deep breath, and sighed with a smile. 

“Thank you, Ori.” you blurted. You hand even covered your own mouth at the surprise you had for knowing his name. The Company themselves went into an uproar - partially out of annoyance that Ori was the first to tell you his thoughts and get away with it - and partially out of confusion as to how you knew Ori’s name even though you just got here. 

“Who are you?” A rough shove to your arm brought your attention back to - Thorin, “And tell me what else can do you, or do we have to still protect you despite your ‘visions’?”

You told him your name. “I can use a sword well, quick thinking - I can hold my own very well in a fight -”

“Fight? Against what? A measly elf?” You felt your eye twitch. He was frustrating you more and more. If he kept this up, your anger would win over how much you wanted to help them. And you wanted that so dearly. You felt anger bubble inside you, ready to burst, but Gandalf interrupted, ducking his head into the conversation. 

“Not elves, but she has had more than her fair share of orcs. Even a troll or two.” he said as you turned away to regain your composure, missing the flash of knowing hurt and regret on Thorin’s face before he spoke. 

“I didn’t know.” He said. 

“You couldn’t have, you don’t know me.” You replied, giving a small smile to let him know it was alright. For now. 

“So is she coming?” Bilbo asked, popping himself into Thorin and your conversation much like the wizard did. “Because I would feel more comfortable coming if there was someone who knows what’s going to happen coming along.” He finished. Thorin took a few more moments to think, looking you up and down as he did so. 

“I suppose so. The worst she can do is die.” And just like that, the anger was back. 

“I can see how grateful you are to my offer of help, Thorin. I shall take my leave instead of staying around and helping the likes of you.” you said and made your way back out of Bilbo’s house and into the crisp night air. Bilbo himself came after you, almost pleading with you to stay a join anyway, or make everyone else leave with you.

“You will need to go after her, Thorin.” Gandalf said, peering down at the dwarf. “You have to bring her back here.” 

“Why should I? She’ll be nothing but trouble, even if she can hold her own in battles.” Thorin said, his stubborn irrationality kicking in again. He just couldn’t see why he needed you. 

“You yourself noted she was neither Hobbit or Dwarf. What business do I have inviting an ordinary human on this journey?” With Gandalf’s question Thorin seemed to slowly understand. “To tell you the truth, unknown to herself, she is not of this world. She was sent from another specifically to help you reclaim Erebor, to keep those close to you safe until then with her visions - memories.” 

Gandalf took a puff of his pipe, and Thorin blinked, letting the words sink in.  

“She’s suffered quite enough at the hands of this world’s darker forces to be able to be here tonight, if that alone isn’t enough reason to let her stay with you then you have a denser skull than I remembered.” Gandalf had a point. Thorin was being unreasonably mean. Even when his own kin were unwilling to help, you were here. 

Thorin looked over at Balin, who was sitting and listening intently to Gandalf's words. He nodded at Thorin to go after you. Thorin clenched his jaw, let out a yell of frustration, then stormed out. He reached past the front door, pushed past Bilbo, and stomped angrily towards where you went.

A call of your name had you turning on your heel. 

“Wait.” Your eyes almost flashed in the darkness under the fur of your hood, daring Thorin to insult you again, but instead they widened at his changed declaration. “You will come with us as Gandalf is advising, and… I’ll try to act more agreeable towards you.”

He couldn’t meet your eyes as he spoke, though. Instead taking a great interest in the hem of your coat. 

“You mean less like a jerk, and more like a king?” your head tilted, trying not to let a smirk reach your lips - though somehow you thought he wouldn’t have seen your expression anyway. 

“I suppose so.” Thorin said through gritted teeth. “Especially if you decide to be nice in turn.” 

“I’m only nice to those who give me reason, your majesty.” you mocked. Thorin felt his frustration rise once more. He sensed you’d be the death of him  - of he of you - if you both kept this up. You smirk widened - although there was no joy behind it - as you started walking past him. “Careful there, you might turn ‘unagreeable’ again.” 

“If you want to keep vexing me, I’ll-”

“You’ll what?” you turned, facing the equally angry dwarf, of which was now eye-level to you from the hills slope. “You’ll let - no - force  me to leave and let your fate, and the fate of the rest of the Company reach the same end that I’ve seen? Trust me - you don’t want what’s coming.” Your voice was quiet, eyes even darker in the night. You watched as his jaw ticked, nose flaring in an effort to keep himself under control. “You do not want more dragon-fire. More lives slain at the hands of orcs. I’ve seen death, blood shed. I see it each and every night when I sleep, Thorin.” 

“Well, what choice do you give me now?” Your eyes locked in a fierce hold. Your words hurt Thorin. Gandalf said you were here to help and keep those of the Company safe - you knew their future. If you were saying these things, saying you were to help keep them away from such a horrible fate - one he’d seen bestowed upon many before him - who was he to keep you away?

That alone made him more lenient. You must’ve seen it in his eyes. 

“Fine.” You said with a huff. “You may be a king but that doesn’t mean you can be pardoned for acting so horrendously. Even so I will strike a deal with you.” 

“Like what?” 

“We try not to speak to each other, not to be near each other. Try to stay as far away from each other as possible so we don’t have to fake being civil.” You started, meeting Thorin’s blue eyes once more. They almost looked like they were glowing in the moonlight.” I think I’d be able to bear you much more if I didn't have to speak to you so often.” 

“I’d have to agree.” He rumbled. 

“We have a deal then?” you asked, sticking your hand out for him to shake. He grabbed hold of your hand, holding it a little too tight.

“Deal.”

Days passed, slowly turning into weeks, and for what it’s worth your plan had worked. Mostly. 

You could easily assume Thorin’s temper flared against you just as often as it would’ve if you hadn’t agreed on a deal at all. Honestly yours did too - but only ever to meet his. You tried your best to be civil. But banter turned to bickering, and bickering - when given the chance - would turn to arguments. Tension was building, and often you didn’t know what kind it was exactly. 

The Company had stopped for the night to rest under a rocky crevice. Thorin was set to start on the first watch with Fili and Kili before you took over with Dwalin and Ori. You decided to stay up with them. Balin often told stories, and the story Balin would tell tonight would be one you decided not to miss. 

Tonight was the story of how Thorin gained the name Oakenshield. Balin told it very well. He often had you enraptured with his decade of tales - you soaked them up like a sponge. Instead of staring at the storyteller to take in every word, you watched Thorin, as everyone did, and found yourself standing with the rest of the company out of respect for your leader and king. 

You knew orcs, they'd caused you pain, physical and emotional. Fighting one was enough for you, but an army would take being possessed by the spirits of a thousand warriors. They'd left scars on you - also physical and emotional - and too those wouldn't go away. 

You’d always respect Thorin for what he went through, what he did - even if he chose to act like a jerk to you. 

With the story told, the night lulled. Dwarves curled up to snore each other to sleep, and you rolled up in your blanket to sleep.

Trees framed your dream. 

They peeled back, revealing where you were resting. You knew there were other vantage points where you could see your camp from, you didn’t know how you got there though. 

You moved further back, and beside you were wild, vicious beasts. Wargs. Atop them were Orcs. Their eyes flashed in the dark, speaking in tongues you didn’t understand. They turned away, seething, but pleased.

You shot up, reaching a hand for your aching head. Now awake, you took your eyes over a turn of the group. Everyone was here. The bile that rose in your mouth quickly went away. 

You were safe, for now. 

You looked back at Gandalf, of which had sensed your dream and was keeping a keen eye on you as you woke. Your face had gotten dull, he was worried, but he’d come to understand that some things couldn't be shared.

“My my, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Bofur said from a way across the camp. Unlike Gandalf, the Company didn’t yet fully understand the lengths of your visions. You often had to make up reasons as to why you suddenly looked so shocked, or somber. 

“It’s nothing. Just a bad dream.” 

“Must’ve been something pretty scary. Perhaps you could spin a tale of sorts?” Bofur prodded, some of the other Company soon turned to face you. Apparently less of them were sleeping than you thought. 

“No. No, I’m no good at telling stories.” 

“What about a song? It doesn’t have to be a scary one.” Bofur took a puff of his pipe, smugly pushing his agenda. “We haven’t heard a single tale from you yet, I think it’s about time if I do say so myself.” 

“Maybe another time, Bofur.” He looked at you, watching as you shoved your hands under your blankets, folding your knees to your chest. He seemed to take the hint, and left you alone, instead now humming a tune of his own.

Thorin looked over to watch you as you settled down again. He’d never seen you wake from a vision before. He never realized exactly what they did to you. 

He kept looking between you and the fire to try and make it look like he wasn’t staring. After your waking, it was almost as if he saw you in a new light. Like one switch of many was suddenly turned on inside his mind which enabled him to really see you. 

Sure, he’d seen you before, but only superficially, not like this. 

This was deeper. 

It suddenly occurred to him that - even if you didn’t know it - you had a life back where you came from. A family, friends, maybe even a lover or children. You’d been through hell to get to Bilbo’s that night you first met, only for him to treat you like you were nothing. 

Now, he felt pretty bad about it, regretted it even, and felt the strange need to make it up to you.

The problem was he didn’t really know how. 

He didn’t know what you liked. Mahal by his pride he wasn’t going to apologize - and he figured from your character you wouldn’t think it meant a whole lot anyway. 

He thought about getting you something Dwarrowdam’s liked, pick something up for you on your travels as a gift - but you weren’t a dwarf. The chances of you liking what he’d find you were slim. He then seemed to be hit with an epiphany. Even if you didn’t know where it was, you wanted to go home - a place you’d be sent back to once your purpose was fulfilled. 

You wanted the same as him, to return home. He’d help you fulfil your purpose. He’d help you to go home, and be with those who you’d want to be with the most. 

You’d forgive him after that. Surely. Even without an apology.

[talkintrashcann]

Campout - Xavier Thorpe [pt.3]

summary: the friendgroup is going on a camping trip and miscalculated how many tents they needed, so now you have to share a tent with your least favorite person.

warnings: slow burn, enemies to lovers, multiple parts, fear of drowning

word count: 1.8k

a/n: im terribly sorry for disappearing for about a month, i didn't mean to be gone for so long. my life has been put upside down for the past couple weeks and ive had to figure some things out about my future so writing wasn't my priority at that time, but ive got it all figured out now (for the most part) so im not planning on taking so long for the next chapter. i promise the story is actually getting somewhere this time !

[part 1] [part 2] [part 4] . . .

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Acting like nothing had happened earlier today, everyone was sitting by the campfire munching on their food while they all ignored the obvious tension between you and Xavier. They were used to situations like these by now, but for some reason it felt as if something in the two of you changed. You used to give each other angry glares and held those for hours, whereas now you can't even make eye contact for longer than 5 seconds. The tension was slowly shifting throughout this trip, and there was no way of stopping it.

"Hey Enid, what have you got in store for us tomorrow? Please tell me it's not as exhausting as today's hike.", Kent caught everyone's attention.

"That's a surprise. I don't want anyone to complain about the plans I made again, so you'll just have to wait and see. But I'm sure you will all love it, we're gonna have so much fun !", the girl that couldn't hide her excitement said. It was obvious that the group was a bit skeptical about Enid's interpretation of fun, but hopefully this time she's right. What's the worst that could happen?

For the rest of the night everyone was singing along to some campfire songs while Divina was playing the guitar, for just a moment you forgot everything that happened today. You loved moments like these, just you and your friends enjoying each other's company while singing riptide at the top of your lungs. This was the exact reason why you said yes to this trip, these were times you wished would never be over. But all nice things must come to an end, and soon everyone disappeared to their tent once more. Surprisingly enough your tent was quiet for once, neither of you wanting to speak to another. Maybe because you were simply too tired from today's exhausting hike, falling asleep as soon as your head hit your pillow.

Waking up pretty early the next day, you realized you were the first one to be awake. You opened your eyes and turned around to find Xavier laying not so far away from you, a strand of his long hair covering his eyes. He looked quite handsome like this, sadly enough he wasn't always this quiet and peaceful. Remembering what he did to you yesterday, you got up with a smirk as you thought about your great plan to get him back somehow. Sneaking out of the tent as quiet as possible, you grabbed a cup that someone left near the campfire and filled it with lake water. Already giggling to yourself as you walked back to the tent with the cup in your hands, careful not to spill too much water from it already. And just like that, you threw the cup with water over Xavier's head.

Waking up confused and in shock, he looked over to see you sitting next to him dying of laughter. He on the other hand was definitely not laughing with the little prank you pulled on him, instead he pushed himself up and dragged you out of your shared tent. Picking you up in his arms and carrying you towards the lake, you quickly realized what his intentions were.

"You're gonna regret doing that to me.", he said with his deep morning voice. You'd never admit this but you'd be lying if you said he didn't sound a little hot with that voice, or maybe more than just a little.

"Nonono, please don't Xavier.", you tried to convince him not to drop you in the lake.

"Please, I'm begging you.", desperately trying to change his mind you tightly held on to him as you were getting closer and closer to the lake. The word begging caught Xavier's attention, surprised to hear how much you're willing to do just so he wouldn't drop you into the shallow water. Of course he noticed your tight grip on him too, figuring this was more than just something you didn't like. He could even see tears forming in the corner of your eyes, making him feel bad all of a sudden. Seeing you annoyed was like music to his ears, but realizing he caused you actual suffering felt so wrong. He never thought hearing you beg would feel everything but satisfying. Right before you reached the lake, he slowly put you back down on your feet without saying a word. As soon as your toes hit the ground you ran back to the tent and stayed there until it was time to leave for Enid's big surprise.

After a long and not so calming drive you finally reached today's destination, Kent hurrying out of the car the second you made it. His stomach was a little sensitive and all the turns in the mountains didn't help with that at all, but Enid's surprise definitely made him feel better.

"Okay, it's time to reveal the big surprise... We're going kayaking!!", Enid yelled out and the others jumped up with pure excitement. You on the other hand felt your stomach drop as you thought about how terribly wrong this could go. You were terrified of drowning and would much rather avoid anything that could lead to that, so you weren't exactly fond of the thought to go kayaking. But you never told anyone about this, not even your best friend, and you most definitely didn't want anyone to find out about this. You remembered how Enid said she didn't want to hear any complaints about today, so you tried to hide your anxiety building up to not ruin everyone's day but it felt as if your heart was beating outside of your chest.

"All the kayaks are for two people so let's pair up with our tent buddy and get ready to race!"

"We are so winning this.", Ajax spoke while showing everyone his winner pose.

"You don't have a chance against us, Serpent.", Bianca said as she leaned against Kent.

You didn't pay any mind to what the others were saying, too busy trying to process the whole facing-your-biggest-fear thing. While the group was so focused on fighting over who's going to win this race, Xavier was looking at you this entire time. He noticed how anxious you looked and couldn't help but think back about what happened at camp earlier, aware that you're trying to hide something from him. Not wanting to bother you with everyone else still being here, he decided to leave you alone for a bit until the others were gone.

Before you even know, all your friends had left off in their kayak and it was now your turn. Shaking on your legs as you took a couple of deep breaths before stepping into the kayak, Xavier following soon after. He wanted to win this race, hell he wants to win at everything. But he had a feeling he wasn't winning this time, at least not in the way he had hoped for.

"If we want to win this race we better start paddling now."

Xavier was really pushing you over the edge right now. All you needed was a couple more seconds to mentally prepare yourself, but he couldn't even give you that. Ignoring his existence completely, you once again tried to calm down. But that calmness didn't stay for long.

"Can you start moving already? I don't wanna get behind on the others and I'm definitely not planning on doing all the work by myself."

His complaining only fueled your anxiety more and more, ready to burst any moment now. You couldn't help but panic, needing to get out of this kayak and off the water this instant. Unfortunately your kayak had already drifted off a little too far from the shore for you to just get up and walk back. Feeling hopeless and scared, you couldn't help but cry as you were looking for a way to get out of the unsteady kayak.

Xavier froze in his spot as he saw you cry in front of him, he didn't understand what was happening. He might not know what you're so afraid of, but what he was certain of was that your fear was very much real and you needed to calm down asap. Except, you weren't calming down at all. The tears kept rolling down your cheeks, your breathing was unstable and you were shaking so much that the kayak started shaking too. You looked at your reflection in the water, trying to see how deep it was but your tears blurred your vision.

Something in his mind clicked, he needed to get you back to shore immediately. So without any hesitation he jumped out of the kayak, the water coming up to his chest, and picked you up in his arms. He had you cling to him as he carried you over the water, arms tightly wrapped around his neck and nails slightly digging into his skin out of pure fear. It didn't bother him though, he'll allow you to do so if it gives you a more secure feeling.

He didn't pay any mind to the salesman desperately yelling at him to bring back his kayak, to be completely honest he couldn't give two fucks at the moment. All he cared about was you. Yes, you. He couldn't explain why he felt the need to help you for once, he didn't even understand it himself in all honesty. And it sure as hell didn't make any sense to you either, the guy that tries to make your life a living hell suddenly starts being nice to you. There must be something hidden behind his caring behavior, he'll probably strike you with another rude action later. You were sure of it.

Wriggling yourself out of his grip as soon as he got out of the water, you turned around and walked away to hide yourself from everything else behind a large tree. You needed a moment to calm down after what just happened, a moment to just let the tears stream down your face in peace. You felt embarrassed that he out of all people had to witness that, you wished he'd never seen you that way. Certain he'd never let you forget this, he'd bug you with this till the end of time. Or that's what you assumed he'd do. But in reality, Xavier wasn't planning on telling a soul about this. Not because people would find out he did have a heart, but because this wasn't a pleasant experience for you.

It seemed like things had changed in Xavier's dark heart, could it be that he had grown a soft spot for you? Or was this just another trick of him to get your trust, just so he could break it later?

To be continued . . .

———————

Taglist !¡ @wintrr13 @hayleematyas16 @deepblueoceanwaters @purexfuego @loriasposts @princekooks @hope92100 @just-amess @sweaterxav @pookiewookies @lcvecstiel @reading-writing-737 @ahintofvanilla @xavierthropepartner @poison-ivy-737 @rumoured-whispers @honethatty12 @pippipsquirtsquirt @araxw

if you would like to be added to the taglist for campout please let me know in the comments or through asks/dms!

[ktkat99]

Ao3 is down. I'll be posting here.

Two Weeks Of Whump Challenge Day 2. Isolation Chamber

Tim raised his fist to knock on Bruce's bedroom door, but froze.

He was being stupid.

This wasn't something he needed an adult for.

This wasn't something he needed to bother Bruce with.

But… he wanted to.

He exhaled and dropped his hand, head swimming.

He didn't need to wake Bruce.

He didn't need to bother him.

It wasn't like he'd never been sick before.

He coughed harshly and leaned back against the wall, sliding down to sit beside his adoptive father's closed door, letting his forehead rest against his knees.

He'd felt lousy when they'd returned from patrol, but since he'd lost his spleen that was nothing new. He could usually just deal with the fatigue, but this wasn't that.

He wasn't feeling any better, even though he'd been laying in bed for the past several hours. He felt hot, sweaty, sore, and completely exhausted.

His throat hurt.

He kept coughing.

And his ears wouldn't stop ringing no matter what he tried.

He wanted help.

He wanted someone to take over and make him feel better. He'd tried everything and just felt worse and worse.

But, at the same time, Tim knew he was nearly an adult. He didn't need attention like some kid, but he was just… so tired.

Yyyyy

"Tim, wake up."

He tried to.

He really did.

But his eyes were glued shut.

Every muscle ached like he'd just gotten back from mountain climbing.

His head wouldn't focus.

"Tim!"

It was hot.

Way too hot.

"Bruce? What's going on?"

"Get Alfred! Now, Dick!"

He heard a whimper and felt a large hand rub his chest. "Shh, shh. You're going to be okay. Just stay with me. Open your eyes.

Everything felt like it was spinning. He could feel his breaths coming out in desperate, short gasps.

"Jay, go get a thermometer."

"Hm? Why..? Oh, shit."

He coughed, body spasming.

Why couldn't he open his eyes?

Why… why was it so hot?

"You're going to be okay. Just stay with me."

Yyyyy

Cloth was around his eyes when he woke up.

He… he felt something in his hand.

"Tim? Tim, can you hear me?"

"'ruce..?" His throat was killing him, and he hadn't expected talking to be as hard as it was.

The thing in his hand moved and he was able to tell that… it was another hand.

Someone was… holding his hand?

"It's me, buddy. How are you feeling?"

"What happened?" He was so hoarse he almost didn't even recognize his own voice.

"You're sick, buddy. I shouldn't have let you go up against Freeze without backup. You fainted in the hall sometime yesterday morning."

"Sorry." He breathed. "What're you doin' here?"

"Making sure you're doing alright. You scared the hell out of me, Tim."

"S'rry." He was tired.

Confused.

Dizzy.

"Don't apologize."

"You don't… need to stay. Imma be fine."

Something brushed his head, pushing his sweat-soaked hair back. "I'm staying. Deal with it."

Bruce's voice was soft, but he could hear that he was smiling.

"Mm. Tired." He whispered.

"You can sleep. I'll still be here."

Yyyyy

The next time Tim woke up, there was beeping.

He felt the tickle of a nose cannula, and the pressure of tape holding an IV in his arm.

He was so cold.

"Bruce..?" He whispered.

The only thing he heard was the beeping of machines.

He still couldn't see.

His bones felt like lead weights.

"Bruce?" He tried to speak louder, but irritated his throat and fell into a coughing fit.

The beeps changed.

An alarm sounded.

There was a hiss, like a sealed door sliding open.

"Breathe. Come on, Tim. Breathe. In and out."

A hand rubbed his chest, helping to calm his fit.

"That's it. That's it, buddy. You're going to be okay."

Bruce..?

He sounded worried.

Tim turned his head towards the voice.

"Said… you'd be here."

The hand stilled on his chest.

"I know. I'm sorry. But you took a turn for the worse, and with your spleen, we couldn't take any chances."

"Where..?"

"You're in the cave. We had to set up the bio room for you."

Tim felt chilled all over again, for an entirely different reason.

The med bay was always kept sterile, but was also equipped with recessed, air-tight walls that could be pulled out to seal the room off completely in case of emergency.

It was mainly used in cases of bioweaponry, dangerous patients, or in need of a holding cell. In other words, he was in isolation.

"Tim, please." His hand was picked up by a gloved hand and pressed to a chest. "Breathe. Like this. You can do it."

He tried.

He really, really tried.

"Tim, you need to breathe slower."

"Please." He croaked. "Please."

"Tim, you're hyperventilating." A second hand combed through his hair, but stopped when the glove ended up just tugging his hair.

"Don' leave. Don't wanna be alone."

The hand holding his hand against Bruce's chest tightened.

"Buddy, I'm so sorry. It's for your own good."

"I'll be good." He felt wetness on his face and couldn't tell if it was tears or sweat.

He'd always been left alone when he was sick.

His parents always had work, and the people they worked with didn't need to be getting a child's cold passed onto them.

His father tended to… fancy… the nannies which meant his mother fired and rehired them too fast for any of them to care too much about his comfort while sick.

Bruce…

He used to bring him soup and hot drinks.

He used to sit with him.

He…

He used to… be there.

"Don't leave." He whispered through gasps. "Please..?" He was definitely crying now.

"Tim, buddy. It's for your own good. I'm sorry. I'm… Timmy, I'm so sorry."

"I'll be good. Please. Please don't leave."

"I have to. I'm sorry. I- I shouldn't even be in here now."

"No. No, no, no. Please, please. I don't want to be alone."

The intercom blipped to life. "Bruce, he needs to be sedated. His heart rate's way too high, and he's panicking."

"Tim-,"

"Please. Don't do this. I don't want to be alone."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Timmy. It's for your own good."

He felt a prick in his neck and his brain started to fog.

He was tired.

His hand grew limp.

"I'm sorry, Timmy. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, son."

The last thing he felt was his hand being laid across his own chest.

The last thing he heard was the hiss of the door closing.

The last thing he knew, was that he was once again alone.

[wild-flower1]

Dabi x Black reader x hawks pt 2

Dabi x black reader x hawks pt 1

The next few weeks you didn't see hawks, but you did continuously see someone else. Ever since you witness that incident, they were always lurking in the shadows, clearly following you around, stalking your every footstep.

You felt uneasy and unsafe; you had your house on lock down. You paced around your room looking for your other heel. You knew going out wasn't a good idea, but you needed some way to actually relax instead of being cooped up in your house; binge watching a bunch of shows until 5 Am. A habit you've been trying to break.

Anyway, you continued to get ready. Finishing up your makeup and grabbing your purse. You waited for your friend to text you.

Despite the uneasy feeling you decided to go out to a party with some friends to ease your nerves.

Maybe you'll feel safer in a small crowd of people.

A couple of minutes later and your friend is outside waiting for you.

Opening the door, you give your friend a puzzled look. You look behind them but don't see their car. "Where's your car?" your friend rolls their eyes, "We're walking to the party it's close to your house, two blocks down the road to be exact." Your friend hands you a pocketknife before could speak.

You close and lock your door, double checking everything before leaving.

As you and your friend walked you couldn't help the uneasy feeling slowly coming back.

You sat at the bar watching everyone dance, grind and making out.

You aren't really a hard drinker, mostly being a wine drinking kind of gal but there were rare moments you'd drink a bunch. Unfortunately, you felt too uneasy to drink your worries away like you usually would when life got tough.

But you don't mind that much, considering you'll be walking home alone since the friend you came with will be driving the others home; being too drunk or high out of their minds they won't be able to even walk straight let alone drive.

you excuse yourself from a conversation with someone and walk outside. Breathing in some fresh air. Your about text your friend to let her know your leaving early, when your hea-

BOOM! BOOM!

You fall to the ground as your ears ring and vision blurry, you look around for your friends, but you can barely see with all the smoke, dirt and debris everywhere. You try to get up but fall back down as a surge of pain shoots through your leg.

You hiss as you push the debris off your leg.

"Y/N!"

someone's voice rings through your ears. you tried your best to stay awake, but you pass out. The blaring of sirens was the last thing you heard.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hawks paced around the waiting room, "Calm down! Y/n is fine. They just need time to rest from surgery." Mirko quietly yells at him. Hawks stopped in his tracks and looked at Mirko, giving her an annoyed look. "I know that! but it's my fault." Hawks sits in a seat next Mirko, "He's targeting them" Hawks whispered. The Bunny Hero rolled her eyes "When is he not targeting people."

Before the two heroes could finish their conversation, a nurse walked over.

"Are you two Y/n's family?" Hawks quickly stood up "no, they live far away from their family. their family won't be here for another hour" The nurse nodded "they're in room 104, in Wing B"

The nurse walked away as the two heroes grabbed their things. Mirko and Hawks enter the room.

************************************************************************

Sorry, this is short, but I'll be working on part 3 tomorrow. Hopefully you guys are happy with this part 2. I'll make sure future parts are much longer. I just needed to get a part two out there since it's been a while since I uploaded the first part.

[lovejosephquinn]

Pls we need a happy ending to the Joe angst, we NEEEEEEEEED it😭😭😭😭 It was so good but I can't deal with it ending like that!

Relax angel, I got you 👀

Okay, who's ready for a happy ending? Here's part 2 of Joe Begs You To Stay.

Read Part 1 Here. ◀◀◀

Joe had blown up your phone all night, pretty much from the moment you'd left his flat actually. It's safe to say neither of you got a wink of sleep. You tossed and turned in bed, feeling quite sick to your stomach, your mind wandering on what tomorrow would bring and if he'd actually give up or do something about or just whether he actually didn't feel the same as he used too in general. You had ignored his messages and his calls, every single one of them, he needed to realise just what he'd done, giving him a taste of his own medicine and if he wanted to fix it; he'd make sure he did.

You think you eventually fell to sleep, the morning light seeping through the crack of your curtain where it was left open slightly, the racing pace of your heart returning as you realised it was tomorrow all too soon. You checked your phone, no further contact from Joe so you gather he got the message, you decided to go and shower trying to delay the thoughts a little longer but keeping to yourself only seemed to make it worse.

Just as you got out and went into your bedroom to get dressed feeling at least a little cleaner from your shower, your phone began to buzz, as if by magic, Joe had read your thoughts and he was calling. You'd gave him a night to stew it over and decided to answer.

"Hello?" You muttered, the pissed off tone clearly making itself known in your voice as soon as you were to hear his.

"Hi, how are you?"

"That a trick question?" You sat on the edge of the bed, holding your towel up and taking a deep breath in to stop the tears that were fighting to fall.

"Me too, I've not slept. Can I please come over?" You shut your eyes, straight to the point, yet another sigh fell from your lips.

"Yes."

"An hour sound ok?" His voice was so monotone, so downbeat, it was like he was almost mourning the loss of someone.

"That's fine, see you soon." You hung up before he could say anything more, you needed to get yourself fighting fit within the next hour so you were ready for whatever was going to be the outcome.

When Joe arrived, knocking on the front door it was all too soon. Your confidence shattered as you took your time to answer it. When you did, a tired man stood before you, not the usual chirpy, happy soul you were used to seeing.

"Come in." You gestured for him to come through, the usual spark in his eyes had almost disappeared, that on it's own was depressing enough. Joe sat straight onto your sofa, perching himself up, his hands flat on his thighs like a told off child, his head hung low again just like a mirror of last night when he was on his knees, his eyes stared down to the ground not wanting to look at you just yet, clearly nervous from the events of yesterday. You moved around the coffee table to sit next to him, leaning against the arm of the sofa and crossing your legs, picking at the side of your thumbs to help ease your anxiety if even a little.

"So..." You decided to break the silence, if you didn't do it this second, not a word would of been spoken for goodness knows how long.

Joe swerved round quickly to meet your eyes burning into the side of his head. "I've thought about everything, I know I'm completely in the wrong in most respects. I know that in the 3 years we've been together that I've never ghosted you the way I have these last couple of weeks. I have my reasons, I told you half of them last night. It got a lot and I couldn't finish because I thought that was it, I thought you were leaving me. I'm so sorry that I worried you sick and made you feel like you had to push me away, I never intended on that Y/N, I just kept getting busy and then unfortunately my last thought was you but then that changed just before I came home and at the end of the day which to then I would panic and the time difference got in the way. I know that may hurt but-"

Your eyes shot wide at the last sentence, the only words you'd seem to catch in that whole breath was that his last thought was you.

"How charming of you to say that."

"Let me finish, please." You folded your arms, huffing an irritated sigh, you weren't about to go in all guns blazing unless you oh so had too, giving him a slow nod to continue.

"I didn't mean for it to go that way, that's the longest we've ever been away from each other since I managed to get you out whilst I was filming in America last time. But it didn't mean my feelings had changed for you, they never will. I still love you more than anything in the entire world, you're my girl, my fucking world and the distance and not being able to speak sometimes won't make my feelings for you any less, you have to know that."

"So what about getting back, the girl I saw you with?"

"That part was true, she was an old friend from college, we caught up. I'd done something for you that day I'd gotten home and I figured with her being a girl and all, she helped me to figure out how I should do it."

"Do what?" You scrunched your face up in confusion, your features ran softer than before and the spark regained in his iris'.

"Can I give you this back?" He pulled your promise ring out of his jacket pocket.

"Doesn't mean I totally forgive you."

"But this isn't the end right?" You looked down, savouring your reply for a second; keeping him on his toes. He was desperate for confirmation and you had to give it to him.

"It couldn't ever be. But if you ever do anything like that again and I find out it's intentional, you can kiss my ass goodbye." You leaned over and took the ring from Joe, placing it back on your finger.

"I understand. I couldn't ever stand the risk of losing you again, we've been through too much, we know too much and above all our love's too strong. But I'll take that ass kissing any day." You both managed a smirk, it was far from over, but the hurt was far from gone. You were right, he had a lot of work to do to resolve his mistakes, but they were just a big clump of mistakes and he'd never done anything to make you question it before, and you loved him so much, you couldn't bare life without your Joseph.

"So what was she helping you to do so bad that was keeping you from letting me know you were home." The smirk disappeared and Joe's lips fell into a thick line, you noticed the strong gulp.

"I was going to wait until we could go out, something I'd arranged for tonight. I'd called your parents to get their permission and they were ecstatic. I think now's a better time than any."

"What are you talking--" Your eyelids rose 3 times the size that they normally could, your mouth shot open and the anxiety that once made you feel glum, shot straight to excitement. Joe took your hand and stood you up before him, getting down onto one knee, taking a box out of his trouser pocket and opening it up to see the most beautiful and quite clearly expensive diamond ring you'd ever seen.

"My baby, my beautiful Y/N, my fucking rock. You are the one I want to spend my life with and nearly losing you would've been the death of me. This is what I needed help with, this isn't what I was going to say or how I planned it go but now it's here I don't actually think I needed any help at all. You're so perfect to me and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, no more mistakes ok?"

Tears streamed down your face, Joe's breathing hitched with every word he spoke, his eyes wet through just as much as yours.

"Will you do me the honour of becoming Mrs Quinn, will you marry me my love?"

You didn't need a second thought, you knew he'd been honest and he was facing up to the faults in miscommunicating regularly with you. Deep down you knew he wasn't a bad person and that he didn't get a word in edge ways with you last night because you were so clearly pissed off, your dramatics clearly shone through.

You wiped your eyes, a smile beaming so wide and nodded straight down at him. "Yes, oh my god, a thousand times yes!" Joe took your hand, putting the ring onto your left hand and shot straight up enveloping you into his arms, picking you up off your feet in a swift motion. "Thank fuck for that." He said as you both cried a giggle at one another. He squeezed you so hard, and you leant back to face him, crashing your lips onto his. The kiss was so long awaited and had this morning gone wrong you'd have never had the chance again, but at least it hadn't and now you had the best reason to desperately attack his mouth.

"I love you, Y/N. My future wife."

"I love you Joe, my future husband."

Joe put you down, his hand still round your waist as you both flopped onto the sofa, closer this time as you held onto one another.

"So, you wanted to go out?"

"That was where I was going to do it and it looks like we're going out to celebrate anyway, come on. I think you deserve to look fucking hot tonight, get ready, we're going shopping."

"Wait a second, I don't always look hot?" You furrowed your brows at your fiancé.

"You know what I mean, you beautifully stubborn woman."

You snuggled your face into his chest, the familiar warmth and scent that felt like home instantly gave you hope. Your hand laying on his stomach, you watched the ring glitter from the natural light.

"Doesn't mean you give up and forget what happened you know."

"I know, but this is a start." Joe pushed your head up, gripping his fingers to your chin and gave you a soft, slow, well needed extra long kiss. This was the man you knew.

[gyusfavlibra]

𝔹𝔼𝕃𝔸𝕋𝔼𝔻 𝕋𝕌𝕋𝕆ℝ | 𝕁𝕆𝕊ℍ𝕌𝔸 ℍ𝕆ℕ𝔾

Pairings: Joshua x gender neutral reader! Friends to lover! College au!

Warnings: Minor language, fluff.

Word Count: +2K

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quietness took over the building as each student inside did a variety of things that were intended for school.

Studying, reading, writing.

You sat at your own two seated table. A white lamp brightened the secluded area that you studied in. The chair next to you was empty. Saved for someone specific. Designated for your friend, Joshua Hong, to come in and help you study for your similar upcoming exams.

You were a Junior in college. Finishing up the last class credits you needed to graduate. Which included passing said exams. You were 100% nervous, absolutely terrified. You couldn't lie about that or else you'd grow a large nose..

Especially since you had been staying up almost every night til at least 2 am everyday for the past week studying for all your important tests.

You wanted to make your parents proud. Not even just them. You wanted to make yourself proud. Looking forward to getting high paying yet enjoyable jobs that provided her with the money needed to fend for herself and her future after school.

You told your parents exactly this, which is why they hired Joshua to be your tutor. Which is how they become acquainted in the first place.

You weren't BAD persay, but you weren't the smartest either. Joshua, however, was. Which was one of the very many reasons you began to like him. That and the fact that you found him to be very funny and super handsome.

The crush didn't start not too long after your first few sessions. He was always so understanding, gentle, patient. Unlike a huge percentage of the the attendees on the campus.

But along with the hot smirk and the turning personality thoughts came his tardiness. Consecutive would be a dramatic word to describe it not being the first time. Only the third time in the last two weeks to be exact. But you choose to give him the benefit of the doubt.

You knew it was because of his friends. And you couldn't blame him. If you weren't so worried about you own piled up assignments, you'd probably be with your friends a lot as well. Maybe even at this moment. You could easily ditch this session and do so now.

However, getting heated over that topic would only make you very hypocritical.

Another ten minutes pass of you sitting alone. At this rate, you'd only be able to get work done for a single class. It works. Better than nothing. You mentally thump your head for not just choosing to start on your own. Hoping in general to get done with at least three.

You deeply sighed. Pulling you hard covered text book towards your chest. The sound of the material sliding against the wood making a swoosh sound.

Skipping to the chapter you need to study on, you began reading away. Skimming through the bold text. Using a bright orange highlighter, you colored any quotes or sentences that answered questions on your study guide.

That same routine you followed for the rest of the hour you had left in the library before you felt the sudden want to just finish the work at home.

You stamped the lid onto the neon utensil and packed it back into the pocket you pulled it from.

You pull the history book cover, shut. Sending a miniature wave of air to dash on the papers beside it.

Just as you were about to put your papers away, the longed presence you spent the last hour waiting for, had finally showed up. Out of breath, textbook in hand, and his backpack over his shoulder.

You stared at him with risen eyebrows. "You okay?"

"Y...just give- give me a second."

His limp upper body bent over after slapping the book onto the desk. The smack catching the attention of a staff member. You smiled to apologize. His heavy breathing filling the enclosed area. He slapped his hand on his stomach after letting out a whistle threw his lips.

"Sorry- I'm late. I- had...OH MY GOD."

"You should sit down."

He obliged to your suggestion and sat in the wooden chair behind himself. You slid your water bottle to him where he gave you a thankful look and downed half the water before returning back to normal.

"I had detention. Mr. Kim."

"Ah, I see," you nodded with pursed lips. "Well, uh- I got some work done so, I'm not gonna waste any of your time. I'll just head hom-"

"Home? Why?" he questioned while standing. Assumingly faster than he zoomed to the building.

"Because I'm sure you're busy. And it's already 4. Passed session time."

"So?"

His questioning responses were shaking you to the core. Especially with the middle toned masculine voice he had. Same voice you always looked forward to hearing.

"So...I'm sure you don't wanna sit in here any longer."

"Y/n, if you're here, then I wanna be here."

Those words. Those damn words. You had lost count of how many times your stomach absolutely churned when he spoke like that. Or even said your name right before he said something in such a way. But if you had a dollar for every time you did get butterflies, you'd be in Hawaii, living life. "I don't wanna do this alone."

Joshua sat back down. Pulling open his textbook. When he noticed your figure not joining him yet, he tapped the seat with his yellow pencil before pulling out more papers.

You quietly hide the giggles and smile you were so desperately trying to not have, but this boy, well he made it hard. Very hard. So hard your cheeks actually began to hurt.

"Okay, what class have you already done work for?"

"Uh-" you finally join him. "I did history."

"Cool. Then the hard part is out of the way. So, let's do Math and then English. Let's say 45 minutes each. Deal?"

The boy with shiny mid length brown hair peered his eyes to the other human sitting beside him. Eyebrows risen as he waited for a response. You were so caught in his beautiful figure that it took the clearing of his own throat to gain your attention back to it's rightful place. Not fast enough.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. 30 minutes each. Sounds amazing."

"45 minutes."

"45. Got it."

The boy laughed at your quirkiness, making sure you didn't see that he had found himself adoring it more than he should. Not wanting to expose his ownself.

"Cool."

You two began working together like you had many times before. Thanking the heavens you had almost all the same classes so you could work together on most of them.

The first set of chosen minutes had passed like lightning speed. But, you did work great together so you got more done than expected.

As for the next set of the time, you begun to lose control as to what you should have really been working on. The work. But instead, you're busy watching a video of Joshua at a young age, singing into a plastic karaoke mic. Red and yellow colors matching the rainbow jumpsuit he wore in the film.

The boy felt embarrassed, but everytime he tried to pull it away, you couldn't help but grab his wrist, stopping him from moving the phone. Your grip sending chills down his spine. You enjoyed the little clips of him vocalizing so beautifully.

He's definitely gotten better. It was really improved. You've seen him practice between classes. Along with his whispered humming he does when you work silently.

"God, imagine having such an angelic voice at a young age," you sighed. Sitting upwards to stop yourself from slouching. The chairs weren't so comfortable. "Especially if you've been around instruments all your life."

"Well, thanks to musicals and many TV series. I have that special opportunity."

"Well, you're amazing!"

"Noo, you're just saying that-" he began to fluster. Staring at pencil in hand.

"I'm not. I've met a lot of musical students, but you by far, are my favorite," you smile shyly. Tapping his broad shoulder.

"It's cause most a looked down upon by parents for the music major."

"It seems difficult. But you do so well, I bet when a stranger first hears you, they're shocked when they hear you sing so well."

His cheeks began to turn a bright red. Trying so hard to not beam the smile he so deeply kept down. Like you also had been doing.

"Honestly, now, it makes sense how I don't do so well in school. I'm not as talented. Just good at writing."

Joshua flipped his eyes to now look at your view. Shaking his head. "No, don't compare those. Y/n, writing is also a talent. Poetry, even writing lyrics. And besides, you're already too smart."

"I'm not. If I was, I wouldn't need you to help me with all of this."

"That's your parents and your brain talking. You never needed me."

You stare blankly at the papers on the wooden table. Confused as to what he really was getting to.

"I'm surprised you haven't canceled yet."

"Me?"

"Y/n, you know how may times you've gotten to an answer on your own. Without my help," he spoke softly. "You're really smart. And you know it. I know you do."

"So, why say yes to the tutoring then?" you giggled. Trying to make it seem like his compliments were just reflections of you complimenting his singing.

Joshua's heart began to skip. Losing it's calories for it's very own exercises.

He didn't know how to come out with it in a better approach than this. And if he didn't answer now, who knew when he'd have another opportunity to say what was on his chest. Now or never.

And now is always better.

"Okay, to tell you the truth..."

He began to become hesitant. Your chest started racing as well. But you wanted to hear it. Whether it was a pitiful coming comment or a very beneficial one, you asked, and you wanted to know.

"You can tell me."

One half of his mouth curved into a smirk. Looking down to the floor before looking back up. "I knew the first few times I worked with you, that I didn't need to tutor you. But it felt good to talk to you, so I just kept showing up."

You nodded. Giving him permission to continue.

"After awhile, I got to know you more. How smart you were. How funny and kind your were, and I just couldn't stop seeing you. So, to tell the truth, Y/n. I honestly really like you. And I know it's probably suddenn but I needed to say something."

The words you had longed for, for so long had finally fallen out his mouth and you couldn't at all hide the big ass smile you plastered. Almost built like a bright and large rainbow.

"I just hope you like me. And I didn't totally just embarrass myself."

You giggled. Placing a hand on his cheek, you pulled his face so you could place a kiss on his other cheek.

"I like you too. Why do you always think I stay even after you're late? To stay with you."

"I should've picked up on that," he chuckled. You nodded in agreement before Joshua exchanged a kiss back to your temple as he hugged you.

"Let's finish work so I can't take you out to dinner."

"Really? You don't have to."

"I want to."

••••••••••••••••••

[pinievsev]

Heya!

I just saw you're taking requests for KARD imagines! And I absolutely love you for that.

Could you please write something like one sided love with BM? Like maybe reader loves him but he loves someone else. Could be happy or sad ending. That's upto you

Thank you ❤️

It is FINALLY HERE! AFTER A LONG TIME OF WRITERS BLOCK. DEPRESSION, AND LACK OF MOTIVATION I HAVE DECIDED TO RETURN! (like I haven't said this bfr. 😜)

Anyways! Tysm for the request and let's get right on it. When I finish with the banner ofc. ( Queue banner making cutscene)

(as always, requests are open and you can find Information and my masterlist pinned on my blog)

(done! Let's go)

Kim Matthew X GN!reader

Angst to fluff and some crack because well. It's KARD.

Warnings: kissing, mentions of alcohol and being drunk, absolute stupidity from both sides.

© The-Lemon-Boy on Tumblr

IDIOT- BM (KIM MATTHEW)

2:46am

You peacefully laid in bed, unable to sleep, you'd been scrolling on your phone for hours, on tiktok, Instagram, Pinterest even.

You gave up on sleep and got out of bed, the only sound in the house being the soft thuds of your socked feet on the floor as you walked. You made your way into the kitchen, deciding to make some coffee if you were going to pull another all nighter.

As you see the warm mig on the table, a startling thud sounded from your front door. You walked over, quietly peeking through the peephole only to see no one.

Cautiously opening the door slightly, you sighed as you were met with the sigh of your long time friend and crush Matthew, passed out Infront of your door, cheeks red and hair a mess reeking of alcohol.

You bent down and shook him awake carefully, ushering him inside as you saw the old lady down the hall open her door, probably after hearing the bang on your door.

Matthew immediately fell on your couch with a long whine, rubbing his face. "What the fuck happened?" He asked.

"like I would know. You passed out Infront of my door looking like you just got chased by wild coyotes" you replied handing him your previously made coffee. You'd make another one for yourself later.

You watched as he took a big sip, looking up at you. "Ha ha. Funny." The sarcasm clear in his tone.

"I know. I am pretty funny" you joked. "Now, drink up, I'll be right back" you said, walking upstairs and to your bedroom where you opened the very bottom drawer of a dresser and pulled out some of his clothes he had left here when he needed to stay for the night.

Believe it or not, this happened at least once a month, he'd show up in the middle of the night to your house, drunk out of his mind. In all honesty, you were glad he trusted you enough to come to you, but you wished he'd stop drinking this much.

You walked back door stairs, clothes in hand. You saw Matt sitting on the couch, the coffee mug already empty.

"here" you simply said handing them to him. He took them with a nod and made his way to your bathroom. You see this was standard procedure.

He would drink coffee you made him, go take a shower and you'd bring a pillow and blanket out on the couch for him to sleep for the night as you didn't trust him going back to the dorms alone.

After all of that, you said goodnight and went to bed. You've learned not to ask why he'd get so drunk since the few times you tried he started stuttering and avoided the question. So you just guessed he was having some kind of girl problems.

Little did you know.

Fast forward a few weeks later, you decided to go watch the group practice. Being the amazing friend you are you got drinks (not alcohol alright?) And snacks for everyone.

As soon as you entered the room, jiwoo ran to hug you, j.seph close behind. Then Somin and lastly BM you just gave you a quick side hug. Huh, weird.

You placed the goods on a table, taking everything out of the bags and laying it out for them to take.

"you're awesome" jiwoo said, taking a chocolate bar and smiling widely.

"oh I know." You joked making everyone laugh, again, instead of Matt.

You watched for hours as they practiced, cheering them on, getting them water and whatnot.

At some point, Matt said he was going to the bathroom, but as he exited the room, you noticed he went the opposite way. So you followed him.

He ended up going to an empty practice room, sitting down against a wall and sighing loudly.

You knocked on the door, causing him to visibly tense once again. "Hey Matt. Can I talk to you for a minute?" He simply gulped and nodded

You say down next to him, you've liked him for years yet you never thought he liked you back, so you simply distanced yourself from him. When you received no reaction, your suspicions were confirmed and you tried to get rid of your feelings. Which you failed at.

The thing was that he was just scared, scared you didn't like him when you distanced yourself, scared you'd reject him and scared of what he'd do with the growing feeling of love and adoration for you. So he decided to drink. Drink until he forgot how you stopped talking to him as frequently, or how you barely hugged him anymore.

"what's up?" He asked after a minute of silence.

"Matt. Are you okay?" You asked, making his heart beat faster. You cared?

"I uh, yeah why?" He said, inhaling deeply through his nose. "You've been drinking too much lately. What happened?"

What was he going to tell you now?! He couldn't just confess. You didn't like him back!

"uhm, uh, dating problems." He settled finally, regretting his words as soon as he saw your face drop for a few seconds.

"ah, I see. If you need any advice I can try helping you?" Great! Maybe he could hint that he liked you through that

"sure. So uhm, this person, I've known them for a while, they've always been so caring, even when we drifted apart they still cared so much. But I was and still am too scared to say anything, I don't think, they like me back the way I like them you know?"

This whole time you listened carefully to his words, slowly putting the limited amount of information together.

"ah, I have, a similar situation." His eyes widened "instead, tho, I am that person." You added. Tilting your head hoping he'd understand.

He zoned out for a few minutes. "Wait wait. Do you mean-?" "Yes you idiot I do." You smacked the green haired man upside the head.

"holy shit - you do!" He chuckled and hugged you. You hugged him back, until you heard, sniffling. "Are you seriously -" he cut you off "shut up."

You smiled and pulled back so you could hold his face with both of your hands. His eyes were watery, tears threating to spill "why?" You simply asked

"I just, I thought you hated me when you stopped talking to me as much as you did or when you stopped avoiding my hugs. My very amazing hugs at that." You shook your head at the dumbass Infront of you

"you're right. I don't know how I did that honestly." You learned forward, pecking his lips, testing the waters, and when he chased your lips with his you were sure.

You kissed for a good minute before breaking apart for air staring at eachother quietly.

"you're an idiot" you said "so are you." He replied "but you're my idiot now. And you're not escaping" he added, tackling you with a hug and small kisses all over your face

"not liked I would've tried to anyways"

Tag list:

@laskyy

@cam-phoria-stay

@miss-cassie

@xuxibelle

@och405o

@ujihemmo

@radiancewrite

@mashiluvs

[rorywritesjunk]

(set in the au with Buggy's older sister, takes place after the little ficlets of the 24 hours since the execution. I'm also decompressing from the last few days at work and needed some fluff for these two.)

pt 1 + pt 2 + pt 3 + pt 4 + pt 5 + pt 6 + pt 7 + pt 8 + pt 9 + pt 10 + pt 11 + pt 12 + pt 13 + pt 13.5 + pt 14 + pt 15

pt 1

"Wait, we're stopping where so you can meet with who exactly?" Buggy demands from the captain after he was just told what was going on. The older man laughed, clapping Buggy on the shoulder. He shrugged the hand off with a glare. He was only on this crew until he earned enough to get his own. No one needed to touch him.

"I have to see Miss Pins about my pants. They aren't fitting the way I'd like them to." The old man told him with a chuckle. "We're stopping for a week. The island is a pirate safe haven so you don't need to be scared, young man!"

"I'm not scared!" Buggy shot back, but he was a little nervous. Sunny worked for Miss Pins, or at least she did when they met and she took care of him. If he goes with the captain to the shop, will she be there? Will she even remember him or were those just kind words she was saying to him with no meaning behind it? He didn't know if he wanted to see her. He wasn't a well known and flashy pirate yet, he was just a crew member.

"You can come along if you'd like, Buggy!"

Buggy didn't know if he wanted to, but he nodded, clenching his fists, suddenly feeling anxious about seeing Sunny again. It had only been a few months but he still thought of her regularly, of her kindness to him when he was a mess of emotions after losing the important people in his life all in one day.

And she didn't ask for anything in return from him.

~

It took a few days to arrive. The crew was happy to get off the ship and stretch their legs for a week. Buggy was waiting for the captain to take him to the shop. He had taken the time to wash his face, brush his teeth, and brush his hair before throwing it back into a pony tail. He wanted to look good for Sunny, to show he could take care of himself and he was doing better.

The captain finally came out of his quarters, the pants he needed fixing draped over his arm. He beckoned Buggy to follow him and the teenager did, walking alongside the captain as he pointed out shops, pubs, and other things to Buggy should he need anything while they were there.

Once they arrived at the shop, Buggy took a moment to look at it. There were flowers in the window boxes, the front was painted a light purple color, and it just... Didn't really fit into what he expected in a place known for a pirate safe haven. He felt this shop would do better in a town where people had money and wanted to see cutesy things.

That feeling vanished the moment his Captain opened the door and someone came barreling out. A bullet followed after the pirate, piercing through the top of his hat as he screamed he was sorry as he ran.

"Ah, yes, don't make her mad. She has good aim." Was his captain's warning to Buggy as they stepped into the shop.

There was an older woman standing in the middle of the shop with a shotgun with two young women sitting at a table sewing while another stood behind her.

"Damn pirates, thinking this is a brothel." The old woman muttered as she went to put the gun away. "Next time I'll shoot him in the ass." She looked up at Buggy and the captain, giving them both a look over. "What can I do for you?"

"Miss Pins, I was hoping-"

"Buggy?!" The girl who had been behind Miss Pins rushed forward suddenly, throwing her arms around Buggy. "It's you! You're here!"

He couldn't believe he didn't recognize her at first. Buggy's torso and arms detached from the impact from her hug before snapping back together and wrapping his arms around her. She was very touchy, had her hands on him frequently when they first met, checking in with him and making sure he was okay. It... Was a little weird at first but Buggy found he didn't mind it from her.

Now he had her in his arms. She was hugging him like they were lifelong friends and it had been ages since they last saw each other.

When she pulled back, smiling brightly at him, she glanced over at her boss as she took Buggy's hand in hers. "I'm going to take my break, Miss Pins!"

Her boss looked at Buggy, reaching for her gun once more. "If you must."

Remembering what he just saw moments ago, Buggy was fine with Sunny dragging him out of the shop and into the sunshine. He didn't quite know what to expect but honestly, he was just happy to see her again.

[ox1-lovesick]

★ — stargazer. kth

pairing. astronomy major!kang taehyun x gn!reader genre. fluff, college au warnings. none (?) wc. 1.3k

synopsis. there are two things that taehyun loves most in this world. stargazing, and you. although stargazing with you, might just climb it's way to the top

a/n. HAPPY TAEHYUN DAY !??!! (ignore how late this is) in my solomon era. FIRST WORK OF 2023 WOOHOO (i forced myself to write this) she's not online rn but this is simultaneously for my day 1 @lsrfmxt i miss you sosososo much and i hope you enjoy this when you see it 😔 also mind you i am in no way an astronomy expert all information is from google and bing LMAO

you've always been fascinated with the stars ever since you were younger.

the only way your parents could get you to calm down from a tantrum was to take you outside and sit you down in front of the sky, letting the stars soothe your worries. most kids your age would prefer dinosaurs, or hello kitty, finding your interest with the planets a bit much for their little heads. it was a bit much for anyone since you could go on about them for hours on end.

"i've seen it a thousand times but it's still just as breathtaking" taehyun said, making you hum in agreement. it took a while to find someone who was as enamored with the sky as you were, and it didn't help that your fascination only grew as you did. the highlight of your day was climbing up to the rooftop at night and watching them twinkle in all their glory, tracing constellations with your fingertips. for most of your life it was just you and the stars, not really having anyone to share your love for them with. but then you found him, in your second year of highschool

you were so similar to each other that it almost scared you. your professor had assigned you as partners for a research project and you bonded instantly. your love of the night sky stemming from childhood, being the only thing that kept little you entertained. the way you both would stay up until the early hours of the morning trying to find every constellation and zodiac you could, even forcing your parents to get a national geographic subscription to watch documentaries about the planets and other galaxies. you were practically the same person down to the T.

"we should get going soon, we have to be up early" you reminded him. it was 3 am on a thursday, meaning the two of you had an early morning of classes to get to "5 more minutes, i haven't seen it yet" his tired eyes still trained above you

it was promised (by earthsky.org) that venus would be most visible today. of course, you both are busy college students so you didn't sacrifice hours of sleep on a website alone. with some research of your own using stolen lab equipment, you and taehyun had figured out that it would in fact, be visible from earth throughout the course of this month. so here you were, sitting on your campus grounds staring at sky

the both of you had planned this morning for weeks. figuring out what day would have the most promise of you seeing the planet without the use of a telescope, how you were going to sneak out of your dorms and what you would do should you get caught, and most importantly what snacks you were bringing. although with no sight of venus for the past hour and a half, the whole thing was proving to be quite a bust.

"i don't think it's going to show, tae" you sighed.

"we'll see it, i promise. just have some patience" he asks, fingers tugging at your sleeve. "i've had patience, for 2 hours now. besides, venus isn't going to disappear, we can come back tomorrow"

"no, we can't" he breathed, almost soft enough that you didn't hear.

taehyun never liked staying up late, despite that being exactly what his major needed him to do. every time you went stargazing with him you were on a time limit. two in the morning was the most he could take before getting sleepy, so you'd usually head back to your dorms by now, but today he was adamant

"something up? you hate staying out late"

he sucked in a breath. squinting his eyes at the sky. why was it being so cruel to him the moment he needed it most "i wanted to impress you. so, if venus doesn't show in all it's bright red glory that would mean all the calculations i did were wrong. also, kai hates sleeping alone so i had to pay beomgyu to stay with him for the night."

he runs a hand through his hair, moving his fringe away from his eyes. it had completely slipped your mind until now, he'd been researching so diligently you'd almost forgotten just how much he hated doing things like this, despite how many nights he'd spent complaining to you.

his fingers still playing with the hem of your sleeve. "you wanted to impress me?" taehyun looked to you with wide eyes "no- i mean, you're the top of our class and always calling me useless so i had to prove myself or something..." you stifled your laugh to save him some face, but you couldn't help the smile tugging at your lips as he shied away from your gaze.

taehyun had always hated star tracking, because like most things within your major — at least right now without the proper equipment — you could never be on point. he craved precision, and that's what kept him ahead until now. you on the other hand loved it for that exact reason, knowing you could never guess 110% was the best part of it, and your professor agreed with you. he loved giving you assignments with no definite answer, seeing how far you were willing to go. it frustrated taehyun, and made his grades drop significantly, while you stayed at the top of your class

he spent hours- no, days doing something he hated just to impress you.

"you don't need to impress me" you chuckled. "it wasn't to impress you, i needed some practice in that field anyway.." he mumbled. "is that so?" "can we just keep looking for venus please" he cleared his throat, allowing his gaze to shift back to the sky. you chuckle, allowing yourself to do the same.

you sat in a comfortable silence for a little bit. lying under the stars. the sun would rise soon, and then you'd have to get ready for another day of endless work, there was a possibility beomgyu would tease the two of you for having 'alone time' together like he always did. but you weren't going to think about that for now, taking in the morning breeze against your skin, and basking in the feeling of taehyun's hand tightly wrapped in yours

"why work so hard, taehyun?"

his face scrunched in confusion. "what do you mean?" "it seems a bit useless, no? giving it your all when you'll never be able to see how far your research will go" he makes an 'o' shape with his mouth. you've talked about this before, whether it was all worth it or not in the end. he obviously had to work hard, he needed to get good grades, get his degree, and eventually get a good-paying job, that was the end goal, no matter what job you had

but that wasn't the answer you were looking for, it wasn't the answer he wanted to give you in any case.

"I work hard for you" he starts

"I work hard so that one day you can say "my husband is an astronomer""

he didn't dare to look at you just yet, afraid your silence was a rejection. he took a leap of faith, hoping that everything wasn't just in his head, and all the lingering gazes and touches did mean something.

"astronomy does seem like quite useless as a profession. but that's what makes it fun, isn't it? knowing there's so much out there that you couldn't possibly see it through to the end within your lifetime. it's intriguing. and besides, i can't be second best forever. i'll have to surpass you someday"

he catches the grin spreading across your face in the corner of his eye. breathing a shaky exhale in relief

"are you saying you want to marry me?" he feigned annoyance "out of everything i just said that's all you caught?" you didn't reply, looking at him expectantly. he shrugs in response "maybe"

"okay, deal. if we spot venus in the next 10 minutes, you have to take me on a date"

[gremlin-writes-angst]

Knowing is Safe Ch.3

2858 words

Fandom: Redacted ASMR/ Redacted Audio / Redactedverse

Couple: Cutie/Geordi

TW/CW: Parental Emotional abuse/ Neglatful parents/ Divorce / Anxiety/ Paranoia / Talk of Non-consensual mind reading

Let me know if I missed a trigger.

This timeline is different than the original so I'll explain it

First the video "Your boyfriend asks for your trust" and then Knowing is Safe Chapter 1 is what's going through cuties mind that night/ video. Knowing is Safe chapter 2 is a couple weeks later. Then the video "Your Boyfriend final draws the Line" and about three months later Knowing is Safe chapter 3.

Don't be afraid to give me constructive criticism or point out my mistakes, I want to improve.

Please comment and reblog, it lets me know people like my stuff and encourages me to write more!!!!!!

Click here if you want to see more of my work and follow me for more!

It wasn't the first time.

And yet every week, every Saturday, when you saw him, in front of that building. always dressed semi-formally. A button-up tucked into some nice pants. With his lips downturned, not a full frown but it still pained you to see it.

When he sees you it changes. His face fills with love before quickly disappearing again. 

You hold onto that second of love. You have to. It's why you're here.

No

It's why you started

Now it's for you

As you get closer to him, he backs away.

He's running away

He can't stand you

He's scared of you

You breathe, deep. You recognize your thoughts as anxiety. That's the first step. 

You take a moment and watch as he grabs the door and holds it open for you.

A gentleman, he's always been

"You first."

You smile and then duck your head slightly. Not wanting him to see the pain in your eyes.

Geordi approaches the receptionist, he's always the one who checks in.

You still find it scary. To express to this almost stranger that you and Geordi need outside help.

You know he knows that, you never told him but, he knows you.

He loves you

Does he?

He does.

" They'll call us when they're ready."

He tells you before sitting a chair away.

I want him

Why won't he sit next to me?

You know why 

It's your fault

It is

Your names are called, and you both follow the therapist down to the same room as always. Geordi makes small talk. 

He's changed

He's more sociable

I'm glad

He seems to like it

Like clockwork you and Geordi sit on one couch, each at a different end

Too far

For you

He needs the space

He deserves the space

You deserve the space.

"Have you two decided if you're ready for the memory extraction? It is often very emotional, we discussed last session how it works and why we do it. It's always up to you."

"I'm ready."

You typically aren't this outspoken in theory, but you've been wanting this for a while, you recall how your therapist explained memory extraction as a way for them to help you understand your own memory. She explained that most people are blinded by their own memories because it's the only life they've lived so everything seems normal, even when it's not.

You never can quite understand your memories or yourself. You always preferred others, to the point it became an addiction. one that harms your thoughts, feelings, and memories. Along with harming Geordi. Someone you never want to hurt.

"Okay then, I'll get started."

Mom!!

Mom!!?

Please!

Please open the door.

You were knocking on your own house door. Crying from fear, shame, and confusion. All you did was go out with your friends, with her permission for a few hours.

That's not why she locked you out

What?

You blocked her, of course, she's mad

Remember what happened to Lanie? 

Blocking was a trick your older sister Lanie taught you, to prevent other telepaths, such as your mother, from reading your mind. You'd done it before but never for this long. It was the first time your mother had no contact with you.

She's not going to let you in

She did last time

And the time before that

And the time before that

And all the other times

She's tired of it

But she threw us out

It's not our fault

Yes it is

We blocked her

We stopped her from reading our mind

Stopped her from protecting us

But I don't want her to continually be in my mind

I want privacy

I want to feel like I can

Think without being heard

Be Myself

You can

Not with her in here

She's your mom

But it hurts

What was that?

A twig

Snapping

A person?

Where?

I can't see

It's too dark

I'm scared

I want mom

“MOM! MOM SOMEONE IS OUT HERE. PLEASE LET ME IN. I'M SORRY I WON'T DO IT AGAIN.”

“THAT'S WHAT YOUR SISTER SAID AND WHERE IS SHE NOW?”

Your sister

She's safe

She taught us how to block mom

She did this

No, she helped us

She can help again 

You stop knocking on the door and start walking away. waterfalls fell down your face as you walked Away from home, away from your mom. You walked the streets in the dark, with no phone, no flashlight, just the clothes on your back. Summer clothes.

It’s cold

I know

I wish we had a jacket

Is this the street?

Yes

You turn down the street, wishing you were wearing warmer, longer clothes. When you picked out this outfit you didn't think you'd end up out this late, in the cold. 

People

Bad?

Its a group

Brown bags

Liquor?

Eyes down

Keep walking

What do I do if they approach?

I don't know

No weapon

Just our hands and feet

Keep walking

Keep walking

Speed up

Door

Inside

Sister

Safe

You open the door to the building your sister lives in quickly rushing to her apartment, even though no one was following you. You hoped you remembered correctly you'd only been here once before. Tears from earlier sprung back to life as you frantically knock on the door. Deja vu from minutes ago, days ago, and weeks ago floods your mind as you recall all the time you were at your house door, begging, crying, and screaming for your mother to open the door. Today was the worst of it, she'd never lock you out for this long, or this late, your knuckles were never this red and your voice was never this hurt. 

When the door opened, you were so relieved you gasped for air, air you needed from the crying. Your sister's tired face was washed away when she saw you. Her arm instantly pulls you in for a hug. You cried harder, ashamed of how emotional you were in a public space.

People are trying to sleep

I don't care

Your sister whispers in your ear

“It's okay. I know, I've got you.”

She slowly walked backward, you still in her arms, following her. When the two of you cleared the doorway she quietly closed the door.

“She- she locked me out-”

Your sister didn't need you to tell her that, she'd been through this before. 

“She- again-”

Your sister's head spun at that word and you could feel the heat her anger produced. Lanie had been kicked out once, it was a hot day and she ended up having a heat exhaustion, lucky your father arrived before she could have a heat stroke. Your father was a water elemental, he was able to hydrate your sister and cool her down. That week your father left your family. Later when your parents divorced, he lost custody of both of you. Though your sister, Lanie was 17 at the time and left as soon as she turned 18. Your mom doesn't know that she still lives in town, she told you it was because she didn't have the money to go further but, you know she's here for you. Though she didn't feel safe enough to contact you till last month. She hates that she didn't help you sooner.

“Come on baby, let- let's sit you down.”

She guides you to her couch and leaves to the kitchen, you can still see her as she fills a glass of water for you. You start to regulate your breathing, taking in the smell of your sister's apartment. It smells like brown sugar, she used to have a brown sugar candle she always lit in her room, and it's comforting to smell it again. Brings you back to talking and giggling in her room.

“Here. Drink up.” 

“ Ok I think that's enough”

You shook your head and looked up, dazed at the sudden pull from your memories. You look at the therapist. 

“What for?”

The therapist was taken aback by your question.

“Well, I figured it was a good stopping point, especially considering the content of this memory.”

You feel a hand squeeze yours, turning to see Geordi, closer than when you started. Till now you had forgotten your partner was even there. you become ashamed realizing he witnessed everything. he had seen how bad of a kid you were. You turned to him slowly.

“Are you ok?”

Confused, you didn't answer. His hands find one of yours, his hands are tight and shaking. Before he looks into your eyes.

“I'm sorry. “

You looked away, not having an answer. The therapist took this time to interrupt.

“This is the reason we do this, as Geordi and I see it, you were mistreated by your mother. She used her telepathic abilities to control and shame you. It also appears you saw this as normal or acceptable to an extent. Would you share why you felt that way?”

" She was protecting me, she just- she wanted- she told me she needed to know everything, to keep me safe, she kept me safe."

You feel Geordi squeeze your hand, but when you look over he's looking away from you.

"Your mother taught you that."

" Yes, it's how I've lived, I can't be safe if I don't know anything, I can't be clueless, I have to know everything, knowing is safe."

"Your mother brainwashed you into believing that you could only be safe if you were constantly using your ability. That's why there's such a disconnect between you and your own brain. You aren't used to spending time with your own thoughts. It's probably why you have so much anxiety when you're not in others' heads. I'd say it's why you became so dependent on Geordi and developed that separation anxiety."

The therapist took a quick look at the clock

"Our time is almost up. I think next time I should see you separately."

What?

I just got him back

He's touching me again

I can't let him leave again

Let him?

You don't control him

“Wait, why?”

“I think it would be best for you to talk about this alone.”

“I don't understand!”

“ We can do what you two prefer but often when one client has suffered abuse it is best to discuss it separately first before with your partner.”

“ Abused? I wasn't abused.”

The therapist took a breath and she almost seemed to expect this reaction. You frantically looked over at Geordi.

Does he think I was abused too?

You were

I was?

No

“I'm sorry we need to go - let's go home Geordi.”

“I understand. I'll call to discuss the next appointment.”

You made your way through the building and parking lot to your car, getting into the driver's seat. Geordi is a little behind. He opens the passenger door but doesn't get in. 

“Are you sure you should drive? You seem a little on edge. I could drive you home.”

“ I need to drive, I can't not be in control.”

”Ok.”

That was all he could muster to say as he climbed into the passenger seat, even if his car is a few parking spots over and he doesn't live with you anymore.

When he is buckled you started the engine and leave the parking lot. You always play music when you drive, but right now I don't care. Your brain was swarming with so many thoughts. You couldn't even understand most of it, so you just drove. You could hear a few words from Geordi but didn't pay much mind to them. 

When you pulled into the driveway you were pissed. You did everything aggressively, parking, turning the engine off, slamming the car door. Geordi stopped talking and started yelling. You were already in the house as he was getting out of the car. You left the door open pacing and waiting for Geordi to walk through the door. When he did he was still yelling, laced with worry and fear, little anger.

“Cutie what-”

“Do you think I was abused?”

You questioned him, your eyes swirled with so many intense emotions but your voice stayed even. 

He shut up and stared, he started to stutter trying to answer but nothing came out. To you, that was answer enough. You moved to the couch, sitting down with your head in your hands. Geordi moves to close the door before sitting in front of you. 

He gently moved your hands out of the way, looking into your eyes.

“I- I can't decide for you. How you should feel about your mom. But I know that the way she treated you and your sister was wrong. So -so wrong.”

“I'm wrong?”

“What? Baby no?”

“I did what she did. To you. I always - I'm always in your brain, listening. Like she did.”

Geordi takes a breath. You're right and he wants to hold you accountable but with your state right he wants to be careful.

“ It was wrong. But you stopped right?”

Your words come out fast and panicked

“Yes, I promise I haven't read yours, or anyone else's mind in- in a long time. I only use it for work. Work only”

Geordi knew of your new resistance to using your power but didn't realize that you were completely abstinent outside of work, which worried him. Quitting cold turkey doesn't sound like the best for you. He'll have to remember that for later.

“I believe you. But that's something your mother didn't do, she never learned, and she never tried to get better, like you are now. From what I saw, she used her powers to control you, you never did that to me. Tell me why you are always reading my thoughts and others.”

You took some time to breathe before answering. 

“ To protect you.”

You were hesitant but want to be as honest as possible.

“And myself. People- they lie, all the time, and it's hard to trust them. I just wanted to know the truth. To be safe.”

“See your reasons are justifiable, you just took it too far. And I think, well I'm no therapist but, maybe your trust issues are what you should focus on first. Because it seems that's the root of your addiction.” 

You nod and laugh.

“ You're better than a therapist.”

He laughs

He is so beautiful

I love him

I miss him

" I'm not sure I am. I mean you've really improved,y'know working with her. You can always talk to me."

"Thank you. it's easier to talk to you about how I feel, you're not professional, you're comfortable, even if it's just our hands-"

You pull your hands out of his. Just realizing that you were touching him.

"I'm sorry, I - I didn't cross a boundary did I?"

He looks deep into your eyes and takes your hands again.

"No, I did this, I wanted to touch you, to comfort you. I’ve "

He clears his throat

"I've missed it, a lot. Every session the urge to comfort you and touch you becomes stronger."

You smile.

"Me too. And thanks, for comforting me, even though you have every right not to."

"I still love you."

You look away, your eyes catching the brown sugar candle.

Geordi follows your eyes, realizing now why that scent was your favorite. He was slightly grateful to say this without looking you in the eyes. it felt like he was saying it for the first time, even though it used to be so common.

"I do, I Love you so much, it's why I'm still here, it's why I'm comforting you, it's why I left. I know for you, it's hard to feel or remember your love if it is not constantly in front of you. So I thought I'd remind you. I love you cutie. I'm proud of you. I've missed you."

He sees a few tears roll down your cheek. You nod. He counties.

"I've missed sharing a bed, a kitchen, a bathroom, I've missed sharing a home with you."

You whip your head back to face him.

"Geordi, you don't live here. I basically kidnapped you."

He laughs, your brain was previously occupied, you'd forgotten he didn't live here anymore. You start to panic again.

"Hey it's okay, I got in the car willingly, I chose to come with you. You're not a kidnapper."

His smile calms you.

'I'm sorry I wasn't thinking properly, I thought, y'know, that you lived here."

"Maybe I should?"

Your body fills with excitement. So does his. 

Wait!

Don't.

You're not ready.

"I'm not ready."

Geordi's face falls a little but rises back.

" That's ok. I’m - I’m impressed."

"What? Why?"

" Because you clearly want it, but something told you that it wasn't time. And you listened"'

"I didn't think I'd be able to stay out of your thoughts...sorry. I do want to be with you again but, I can't hurt you again."

He pulls you into a hug. A soft whisper leaves his lips.

"Thank you, for protecting me"

He pulls away.

" You can protect me in other ways. And I can protect you. I will protect you."