whats-that-there

[whats-that-there]

[whats-that-there]

Taking Flight

Some thoughts are embedded in us. We don’t want them, but they fit our current self-worth.

How high will I fly when I let go of these thought?

If I Iet go of the assumption of pain - where will my wings take me?

Is it the unknown destination that’s keeping me stranded with these thoughts?

[whats-that-there]

Measurement

Can I convince myself that there is no past and future in the present moment?

Our need to capture the past, gave birth to the ARTS.

Our need to predict the future, led to the unearthing of SCIENCE.

Art? Science? Love? Hope? Did trying to define a unit of measurement doom us from grasping the infinite?

Are we limited by our own language to ever comprehend the answers?

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Have you ever caught yourself forcing out more laughter after realising you’ve been laughing like a carefree child? It’s always a sobering thought Isn’t it?

Realising that self-awareness might not be great all the time - is something you would wish upon your worst enemy.

[whats-that-there]

Inner Child

Fickle nature, mature nurture,

Does it make her wise beyond her years? or just short in stature ?

Questions after a point become an attack, was it my childhood or adulthood that went by as I sat back?

Questions now don't scare as they used to. I've done no one wrong, and told lies too few.

Am I afraid of my future wasted potential? A short relationship, a broken promise or a dramatic reveal?

My inner child wants nothing to do with someone else's mess. Take a strong rope, a chair and my forgiveness.

[whats-that-there]

Feelings start to fade

I don't hold my pen the same way anymore. I pay attention to the moment more than my feelings. My routine is my support system more than ever.

All to say that my feelings have started to fade.

On a day where revelations of depravity come to light, kisses of the sun from behind parted clouds - is holy to me. The actions of others don't affect my body anymore, my face doesn't bear the brunt of my experiences anymore.

All to say that my feelings have started to fade.

Emotional days during my periods aren't triggered by you anymore, I do not feel anger towards your existence anymore. I don't want you in my life anymore.

All to say that my feelings have started to fade.

[whats-that-there]

Parentified child

There was a day, when I last felt like a child. Maybe I never did? Being a parent to your own parents is like any other adult-child relationship. It's fulfilling some days and thankless for the most of them. The only real difference between a 'parent-child' and a 'parentified child - parent' is that at least after 20 years or so, the child will grow up after you've successfully raised them. For Parentified children...I've got some tough news for you.

[whats-that-there]

Screaming in dreams > screaming in real life

Screaming in your dreams is better than screaming in real life. I hope I have such dreams whenever I need it, because goddess knows I cannot give my power away by engaging with people anymore - they'll love that and I won’t after It’s over. I engage with myself instead and scream into MY void.

[whats-that-there]

People need to start talking about the things they usually just tweet about

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"Everything in moderation, including moderation" - Oscar Wilde

What's a routine that's beaten to death? A slave to the 24-hour cycle born out of 'consistency'. I say go crazy and do what you feel like on some days. Why should personal discipline come at the full cost of personal creativity? 60% - that's all you'll get from me. I need the rest.

[whats-that-there]

The greatest source of our suffering is the lies we tell ourselves

-The body keeps the score, Bessel Van Der Kolk

[whats-that-there]

Finding tracks in the sand

The sound of the ocean is not intimidating when you’re right on the shore. The beach on a sunny day never really did much for me, it’s not until I start trudging my way away from the shore against the tide that I realised how powerful the ocean really is. The waves hit my body in a hypnotic yet jarring rhythm. It’s a harsh push and a gentle pull all at once. All is peaceful on the beach, but when you’ve walked chest-deep into the ocean and witness a swell coming for you at head height - the possibility of getting lost inside under it is what paralyses me. I know the ocean is not my enemy but it’s the beginnings of vastness that always stops me from going further inside. It’s never the hit or the swell itself you understand? It’s the feeling of being completely alone inside it that puts my heart in my ears.

I usually abandon the journey when the swells start threatening to swallows me whole. Showing my back to the ocean lessens the fright, the more I physically can not witness the safer I am. My feet feel the sand floor change it’s texture as I get closer to land, from smooth and cold to pebbled and warm. Small shells are being crushed beneath my feet, I only hope the ocean is not vengeful.

The sand on the beach is in sight, the tracks of the waves on it a curious and consistent pattern. It’s the wave’s written history. It’s presence felt on both ocean and land. Do all of nature feel the drive to leave a mark behind? Be it tracks made in sand or words written on paper. Sharing of life’s history for others to see and experience is a natural thing? Then why the violence within it to bring it about?

[whats-that-there]

“Do not compete with what is happening. To compete is to prepare for failure. Do not be trapped by the need to achieve anything. This way, you achieve everything” -Dune Messiah by Frank Herbert