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Sometimes I forget how beautiful he was.

// Memories (via @writerwithawebsite) 

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When this photo was being clicked, I was thinking how utterly beautiful what I hold in my hand looks. And how maybe if someone I loved were to carve my heart out, it would look something similar. (Just with a little more color and sparkle. There is nothing called too much sparkle.) My heart knows how to beat light and love. My heart has also known stillness of the abyss. My heart is just a piece of meat that I seem to credit so much importance to. But I know my authenticity and sense of self lies in the ways of my heart and nothing comes close to shoddy rhythm of my old heart that tells me on late nights that its okay being who I am. A person who overflows gently and does not know how to stop at times even when I drown in myself because my heart knows love and its learning to love itself. Captured by my friend - Shounak for a photo-poetry series called Fire-Starter we both are working on. - Saiber ( via @thesaiber @writerwithawebsite)

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for the Stranger I loved who'd no longer read this.

Ice creams remind me of you.

I try not to think about it though. This is not poetry. I know you think all I do is write poems Maybe you're right But you are stuck everywhere inside me.

Every time I open my mouth I feel the seeds that you had sown in me spill through my lips and grow like wildflowers in the room.

There. There you left, at the edge of the bed a book you were reading the other night The Birth of Tragedy, Nietzsche and I kicked it in my sleep You just frowned at me in the morning and craddled it before you cuddled closer to me. The shirt you threw over the lamp  when I asked you to keep the lights off The carpet where you let yourself inside me under the full glow of the barely there sunlight And I told you I feel warm and nice being so close to you. And how I pulled you closer with my hands and legs tangling us so this warmth can never leave us So that I forget where you end and I begin in this lust and love of us.

You thought it was ordinary I made a poem out of so many things that night - the way you looked with the sunlight bathing your hair - the way the muscle strained when you were on top of me - the way you kissed my open mouth - the way you turned me over as you kissed the arch my spine made - the way you held me so gently after, as if, I might break - the way you told me you love me. - the way Always sounded on your tongue and tasted like forever on your lips

The way, the way, the ways of you the way you are.

You told me you loved how I look at things. Didn't you ever for a second think that I would be looking at so many things and they would remind me of you And us.

I think if you were here, You'd point out if I spelled Nietzsche wrong or if I missed an Oxford comma You'd tell me it's okay to make a mistake. You'd tell me everything is alright because you know how much I need that. You'd tell me to let go when I am pulling myself apart to pull everything together. You'd read every word I wrote every thing I was afraid to tell and tell me you love me no matter what.

I knew only to spill You held it together.

This is no goddamn poem I just really miss you. I'm melting like the ice cream in my hand And my phone is ten digits away from your voice But I let the cream drip, make a mess leave it like that.

- Saiber (via @writerwithawebsite )

Signed copies of The Summer in You and Stardust and Sheets is available for worldwide shipping through SaiberSpace for only $2 and $5. )

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The best part about poetry is that it’s one of the most authentic of art forms, because there is very, very, very little money involved. No one can sit down and say, ‘I’m going to write a million dollar poem.’ And because of that, you just do it because you need to do it. You do it because there’s something singing or screaming inside of you that demands attention. If any kind of career that comes out of that, than great, but if it doesn’t than you still do it.

Ada Limón, interviewed by Lois Carlisle for The Adroit Journal (via bostonpoetryslam)

Exactly.

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The Essence of Being #33 by Saiber (via writerwithawebsite ) Buy my books in paperback from my Etsy Shop (SaiberSpace) starting at only $2 or a kindle edition at $1.50 from here.  

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The Essence of Being #32 by Saiber (via writerwithawebsite ) Buy my books in paperback from my Etsy Shop (SaiberSpace) starting at only $2 or a kindle edition at $1.50 from here. 

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Memory Research on Loving and Forgetting Someone.

Anderson in his 1994 research said that retrieval induces forgetting. That is, if I were to remember something in abundance, I'll end up forgetting it.

I am taking it to heart.

You see if I take your names along with countless others, all of them will start competing for my attention And in that, I will forget you.

So I here I go. Arya. Anjul. Catherine. Harry. Sanober. Sylvia. Blake. Jack. Sonali. Anne. Ari. Mugdha. Dash. Oscar. Emma.

The research also said people remembered things better because of their association to it. So I am hiding you in between these names. They'll tell me stories, make me forget you.

They said forgetting is not permanent rather, it's a temporary decay of information. It IS a decay. This love is rotten inside me. Or how else can you explain the pain? My heart has become a cavity that no dentist would want to drill into They'll say, remove it instead.

But there still lays that space, that emptiness where you used to be. What do I do with that then?

People make false memories, have misinformation given to them that are as vivid as real event. Maybe I can have that presented to me. But darling rather then forgetting you, I want it to be of you, telling me that you're still here. Because that is all the hope I want.

Bones. Arya. Anjul. Dany. Catherine. Harry. Sylvia. Blake. Nine. Andrea. Jack. Sonali. Anne. Ari. Sanober. Hermoinee. David. Adrian. Mugdha. Becky. Jeaniene. Dash. Grey. Heema. Oscar. Emma. Jaime.

I'm adding the names.

But you're still here.

I think about you at the back of my mind where the researchers never look in.

You are there.

Alive and as real as my thoughts saying under your breath Anderson didn't know shit.

Saiber | Memory Research on Loving and Forgetting Someone.

Also called as 'I learnt about forgetting in class and I concluded I may need a lobotomy to forget you.' (I have used actual materials from research that I was studying for my masters program in Psychology.)  BUY my book, Stardust and Sheets - paperback for $5 from here or get a kindle copy at $1.50 here. :) 

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Friendzone explained with tea and coffee.

"Do you want tea? It’s such a nice tea." "Oh no, thank you. But I don't like tea. I love coffee." "But the tea is FOR YOU. It has always been there even when you didn't get coffee." "And I am thankful for the support but really no, I don't like tea. And it has nothing to do with coffee." "How can you say no? It's made for you? Why are you being difficult?" "I really don't like tea. Why are you forcing me to have it?" "Because the tea was brewed for you. It wants you. So by default you should have it." "Thank you for the offer but really, I don't like tea." "Oh god just have it. What's with liking coffee it's not even nice. You deserve tea!" "Uhh thanks, but I think I can guess at what I want and deserve better than you?" "Man why are you doing this? This tea was made specifically for you. It loves you and accepts you. Why can't you see that and be with the tea? Why be with the scalding bad taste of coffee?" "I DONT WANT IT. I'm sorry but I just don't want it. It’s my decision!" "I had to listen to all of your bullshit when coffee wasn't there. I was your friend and you still can't see it. Why are you being difficult?" "I thought you offered support and friendship without any ulterior motive." "She is such a bitch. Got teazoned again. Slut just got feelings for coffee. Won't want me who's been nice and supportive of her and been a friend. I mean she has to offer me a relationship or something for being that. I'm entitled to it for being a nice supportive beverage."

- Saiber (via @writerwithawebsite )

Why Friendzone is a ridiculous and harmful concept.

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I wrote those poems, what should I do now?

A not so comprehensive guide in publishing poetry. (Updated infrequently as I am asked more questions.) And other bookish titles from my imaginary How –To book I possibly can’t complete. A very informal guide, if you see typos, do let me know. I have written this very haphazardly and with no sleep.

Also included - How to sell poetry.

After I got published traditionally with my first poetry book in 2015, Stardust and Sheets, I got loads of request by aspiring writers/poets asking how I managed to achieve this miracle. Poetry is not dead, agreed. Poetry Publishing might as well be.

Thankfully with independent press and small time indie publishing companies flourishing, there is hope. Not to forget, the popularity of spoken word poetry, things are slowly changing. Also, Self Publishing dudes!! A boon to artists who can now sell their own stuff on their own terms. So I’m pretty positive and so should you be that your poems might be seen in a book someday.

Let’s talk about traditional publishing first.

If you are looking for the biggie-wiggies to publish your poetry, there is a high chance that they won't. They usually publish already established poets or anthologies of already established poets or the New York journalist who writes about world peace and god. But this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask at all. You should absolutely send them your sample and cover letter. Who knows? They might want to do something about it. I had been accepted by Leadstart Publishing – one of the biggest publishers here in India. But the waiting period was too long and I decided to go forth with my current publishers.

There are also some small time publishers who’ll pick up a poetry book if they find potential in it. Find more about them through already published poetry books that you see around. Or with poet friends who have already published. (For example, I got published through Half Baked Beans and they do take poetry book submissions. Ring them up!)

But you should also keep your options open with independent presses who in fact only publish poetry. Good thing about that is? You’ll have an atmosphere with other poets and lots of support and marketing with each individual poets working to help you. Cons – there’d be lots of poets competing to get their work published. So it might be a long wait. (Write Bloody is my dream publisher with most spoken word poets like Andrea Gibson, Sierra Demulder, Sarah Kay part of the team.)

So how do you make your proposal stand out ? 

Most frequent question I get is, ���What should I send in my proposal to the publisher and when? How many poems? How long should it be? ”

Now, it depends on publisher to publisher. Most publishers have strict and simple guidelines for you to follow. You follow them to the last fricking word. Don’t deviate.

Most common requirements are -

Sample Poems (Anywhere between 5 to 10)

Cover Letter (which sometimes is your email itself.)

Author Bio

Resume or CV (usually to gauge your profile.)

Previous publishing credits/ blogs etc.

(Writers /Readers comment if you think I should add anything more)

Now select your BEST poems.. You have to make them curious enough to ask for more. To give you a chance. Also look at each publisher individually, don’t just send ALL.  Look at the types of books they publish, their usual themes and include the poems which closely (if not fully) resemble those themes.

But before they even click on the sample, they will check your email and your cover letter. Make sure it’s good. No grammatical mistakes, no typos. Your profile should include any previous published work. If you have a blog that has quite a following – mention that. It’s important. Your proposal should tell the publishers that you will add a unique voice to the already cluttered business of publishing. That you are bringing something that the people and readers will love. 

From publisher’s pov –

they are worried that your poetry wont sell. If you don’t already have a fan base and people who will buy your book – it will not be an investment on their part. So if you were procrastinating on making that blog – do it now. (I got my publishing chance because of my  very popular blog I co-owned called Lust of Wonder which was getting quite the attention in early 2013. We stopped within a year but it helped with my own blog as audience from there came to my page. I reached a thousand followers within a month!)

Now when should you send this sample?

When you are more than halfway done with your project. Or during the editing phase. (If publishers take say 6 months to get back to you so halfway is good, if 3 weeks, then during your first edit.)

Marketing - How to Sell.

If you are looking at publishers to get you readers, you better clear the misconception asap. Right now it’s the other way round. The author has to market their book too and more so than the publisher themselves. Social Media Marketing is an actual legit way of marketing. Be regular on your blog. Share and make friends with other artists and writers. Be part of the community as it will help you with the book. (And dont forget them in the acknowledgement part)  GoodReads, Instagram, Facebook,  Tumblr is a really great way of sharing your work with the world. Utilize them. Make a signature feel to your work that tells people it’s you. (Like how @tylerknott had the vintage typewritten poems or lang leav with her rustic font and typography. 

  Self Publishing.

There are LOT of articles about self publishing and it has both its pros and cons. Read those. (One of my poet friends self published last month and I shall ask him about his experience in a few months.) 

Also @langleav had self published her first book Love and Misadventure which was then picked up by a big publisher. Same as Amanda Hocking except with Poetry. She should serve as a great inspiration for you to keep on with your blog and write. 

Special Mention for Poetry – CHAPBOOKS.

A chapbook is a very refreshing and easy and pocket friendly way to go on about selling your first poetry book. I have a small chapbook called The Summer in You that sells for 2$ that I got printed myself which is an easy way to gauge the market for your writing i.e IF people are going to buy it. It can also act as a pamphlet of samples so that people can think about buying your actual book after tasting the samples in the chapbook. Very good for giveaways.

Semi Traditional Publishing

This is a new trend happening where in the author and the publisher both pay to get the book out and it has best of both world. But it also has its issues – if you are going for this one – look at the royalty percentage and all the contractual clauses that comes with it.

Now miscellaneous questions.

I want to add “insert some famous poets” quote at the start of my book. Can I? 

It’s called an epigraph. And you can. But remember you have to seek written permission of the said poet and/or publisher before you do it. You have to also pay some little amount for the usage.

Can I use lyrics or some Movie line?

Well, it depends. There is a certain fair usage amount that you can use as long you are specifying that those lyrics are not written by you and the credit is give. But look deeply in the matter of copyrights for everything.

I made my book cover with this really amazing picture I found on Tumblr.

Nope. Nope. Nopety Nope.  You have to contact the said artist and ask if they are ready to sell the image to you for your book cover. Some artists are really awesome and if you are starting out – they wont even charge you much.

How many poems should I keep ready for the book?

Depends. Usually poetry books are 100 to 150 pages long. So accordingly, you have to estimate the said number with the length of your poems. Do you think I have a shot?  Just have a little faith in yourself okay? And trust your work. If it resonates with people, people will want to read.  How long does it take to publish a book?  It actually takes some time to be honest. Even though my book was accepted in the late 2013, the book was physically out in February 2015. It’s a long process of editing and re-editing and then going through small details back and forth and making the book as perfect as possible.  More questions? Just message below or on my facebook page. I shall try answering it to the best of my knowledge. :D (to be updated.)

by

Saiber (via @writerwithawebsite )

(Authorof Stardust and Sheets and the Summer in You. )

Buy both the books in A Happy Reading Package in my Etsy Shop for only $7. 

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This is how she told me I was dead to her.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25407311-the-summer-in-youHe called me after 4 years. asks me how I am?

I say, "The words are still breathing inside me like the smoke from your last cigarettes. I am going to die even though I didn’t smoke the bloody thing."

He laughs and I know he is shaking his head. "You know this is why I left you. You spend too much time inside your head making bloody poetry out of everything. "

"Don't lie, you liked it at first. You wanted to fuck a poet so you could be written about. You should know I never name my poems after people. They are happy when they don't know who they're about"

"You are incorrigible." He says it out of exasperation.

"A word I taught you." I snap. This is us. We can’t stand talking for five minutes without either of us snapping at least once. I don’t know he tries to reach me when I am lost somewhere he can’t be. I don’t know why I still write poems about him knowing all too well what he did.

"But sweet girl, I made you write all those poems. I was the one who made you start."

"Yes. You might have been the one who pushed me in the water I was always in love with but afraid to try. But I have myself to thank for learning to swim. You didn't do a thing."

"So, I don't even get a thank you drink? C'mon I made you." I know he is trying to get a rise out of me.

"Remember I made a poem out of you, and it's a far prettier sight than you. I don't need you. I have that poem. I'm never turning you back into a person again. "

-Saiber, Poets and People Part 1.

 (VIA WRITERWITHAWEBSITE ) Buy signed copies of my books Stardust and Sheets and The Summer in You from my Etsy shop.

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Ghosts of Cigarette Smokes.

He has large hands that cover most of my waist and he holds me gently worrying I might break. He holds me dearly worried I might disappear in the night He tells me I smell the best when I smell like whiskey and Marlboro lights.

At 4 am, after we go for a second round and my legs ache too bad, He asks me if I want to go outside and blow some steam. He hands me his t shirt and tells me to wear nothing else. I tell him I wasn't planning to anyway.

He nuzzles my neck and tells me how goddamn beautiful I am and carries a pack of cigarette outside.

I watch him. I watch him as he tries to kill something inside him. I remember when I showed him a picture of black lungs, the next day he painted a man with a black heart.

I join him and see him smoking heavy puffs. He is older. He coughs a lot.

But the first time I saw him holding a cigarette I wanted to be held just like it.

I asked him, who are you trying to kill? He had answered, a ghost. You look just like her.

- Saiber, (via writerwithawebsite ) 

Buy signed copies of my books Stardust and Sheets and The Summer in You from my Etsy shop. 

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This is what you feel like.

Coming home to a bed that I slept in on a work day. Of memories captured in photographs of when I was 12 and happy with my Harry Potter books. Looking at my clothes covered with my dog's fur after we played outside in the sun. Curling up inside a blanket with enough room for comfort and love to touch each other watching a Christmas movie during the rains in August. Feeling the taste of coffee in the cake you baked and knowing I'll be awake and happy for the rest of the day thinking about how you say the word fudge when you clearly meant something else. Keeping this smile I ate from your face knowing I left another one in its place.

 - Saiber (via writerwithawebsite  )

Poem from my chapbook The Summer in You now available in hardcopy for only $2 in my Etsy shop. 

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When I opened one of Blume’s books — “Blubber,” “Deenie,” “Forever . . . ” — I felt confident that she understood the pact: Blume had gotten there first, and she would tell us absolutely everything. Blume wrote about playground bullying and unnerving body changes and teenage sex and she wrote about parents’ failings. If her characters differed from my friends and me, it was that they could utter out loud their thoughts about subjects that were, to us, indescribably uncomfortable. Her books did not resolve with tidy, happy endings, at least not the kind I had come to expect, so that I read them with the same mixture of overheated expectation and anxiety that I felt about adolescence itself.

Judy Blume Knows All Your Secrets - NYTimes.com (via rachelfershleiser)

SUCH A GREAT PROFILE of the great Judy Blume in the New York Times. (I heard about it because my mom texted me, “Thanks for calling me a radical feminist mother in the New York Times. Such a compliment!”)

I remember reading Forever a long time back when I was a teen and I thought to myself wait is this how sex is? I was used to reading romance novels where they skipped any real element of whatever the scene was about -romance, sex, courtship, bodies, rejection. And Forever gave me that. I didn't like the book then. But when I look back, it is one of those books that stayed with me. And I make it a point to recommend it to everyone. If I have kids, I’ll give them Judy Blume’s books. This quote just sums up everything I feel about Blume’s books. :)  thesaiber (via writerwithawebsite )

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When life gives you lemons, make a sour face.

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How are you and other questions.

How are you? How have you been?

I want to tell them things. Things they haven't asked about.

I know you know what my name is. Do you know what it means? It means the one who protects. I fail at that countless times. I couldn't stop the boy ravaging my lips to stop because I didn't know how. I want to punch him every day since. I couldn't even protect myself from my mind, with its dark thoughts, when it fights me for survival. I talk about women power and I feel powerless every single night when I stand in the kitchen with a knife in hand and watch blood run down the sink. But I stop and I feel a little less powerless, a little more powerful. I know it’s not much, but I take what I have. I count my blessings where I could.

I can't make my heart slow down when I am in front of people. For someone who likes talking to people and is considered an extrovert, I am very anxious at social settings. So I skip them altogether. They don’t understand. They tell me they love what I write. And I utter ‘thank you, thank you’ like pleas. But all I am trying to stop is the vomit and the harsh breathing and the tears. God please stop me. I can’t stop writing - it pours out of me like yesterday's dinner and alcohol and puke. I don’t want anyone to catch it. But the words are all over the paper and you are reading it. You are reading everything I tried not to tell, the words I kept buried till they walked free out of their graves.

College is really good , I haven't been there in a while because I couldn't get out of my bed. I sometimes lose track of what is happening or even what I am saying. I am trying to be okay. Forget happiness, it hurts me to know how hard I am trying just to be. I am sorry you were asking how am I. I am fine. Sorry for being a wreck. I am fine.

Saiber (via writerwithawebsite ) Buy my book from my Etsy shop. 

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The Essence of Being #31 by Saiber (via writerwithawebsite ) Buy my books from my Etsy Shop (SaiberSpace)  

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The Essence of Being #30 by Saiber (via writerwithawebsite ) Buy my books from my Etsy Shop (SaiberSpace)