climbtopeace

[climbtopeace]

"No Fix, No Cure."

They ask, “But you take the pills, right? So you’ll get better?” Like healing’s a ladder and I’m just one dose from the top.

Yes, I take the medicine. Line up the bottles like soldiers, hope they hold the line. But this? This doesn’t vanish with the swallow of a capsule or the turn of a calendar page.

It’s not a cold to shake off, not a chapter I can just close.

It’s a shadow that walks beside me, sometimes loud, sometimes quiet, but always there, whispering the dark truths no one wants to hear.

Some days the weight crushes me, like drowning in silence, like screaming with no sound, like breaking and no one seeing the cracks.

I’m still lost in the dark, still chasing peace that never comes, still fighting ghosts that live inside me, still sinking beneath the surface when the world feels too sharp, too cruel, and the only thing constant is this emptiness.

I’m learning to carry it differently, to stop looking for a cure and start searching for peace. Sometimes I find it in the soft silence between spirals. Other days, I don’t.

No, I don’t get better. I don’t get stronger. I just keep surviving in this half-alive place, waiting for a break that might never come.

But I’m here, still trying, to understand, to be kind to myself, to breathe through the weight of something that doesn’t want to leave.

[climbtopeace]

When the Mind Hurts, the Body Screams: The Hidden Symptoms of PTSD

PTSD isn’t just flashbacks.

It can be hot flashes, vomiting, body pain, chest heaviness, and struggling to breathe.

A full-on nervous system overload.

But it’s also so much more:

– Hypervigilance, like you're always waiting for the next blow

– Numbness, like you’re watching life through a glass wall

– Rage that comes out of nowhere

– Nightmares that feel too real

– A body that won't sleep, won't rest, won’t let go

– Memories that vanish, or ones that never stop replaying

– Guilt. Shame. A deep fear of losing control

– A mind that avoids, a heart that hides

– A body that aches without reason

PTSD doesn’t always “look” like trauma.

Sometimes it looks like silence, like overreaction, like illness, like isolation.

Be kind. Be patient. You never know what someone is carrying in their body and mind.

[climbtopeace]

'Reasons Why I’m in Therapy' Series - #1!

This really hits home. It’s exhausting always feeling like I have to be on edge, waiting for the next problem to show up. I’m learning that peace isn’t dangerous - it’s just unfamiliar. Trying to remind myself that it’s okay to rest without guilt.

[climbtopeace]

Journey to Peace

For six years, I immersed myself in the study of Islamic culture and religion. This was not just an academic pursuit but a deep, personal journey of connection. During this time, I formed meaningful friendships, heard countless stories, and experienced a sense of community. Beyond the textbooks, I came to realize that the desire for peace is universal, shared by people of all religions, cultures, and nationalities. I learned that peace is not merely the absence of conflict but the active presence of empathy, understanding, and love.

The tattoo I have serves as a reminder of this journey. The word “peace” in Arabic script is more than just a symbol; it represents the traditions, spirituality, and connections I encountered along the way. It honors the relationships I’ve formed and the culture I’ve come to respect.

Placed next to my anatomical heart tattoo, the word “peace” holds deep significance. The heart, both physically and symbolically, is the center of life—it represents emotion, love, and connection. To have the word “peace” beside it is a powerful declaration: true peace begins within, at the very core of who we are. It’s something we must protect and nurture, just as we care for our hearts.

This journey is not one I have completed but one that continues to unfold. Every day, I am reminded that peace requires intention and practice. It’s a commitment to living with an open heart, seeking understanding, and fostering compassion. As I move forward, I carry this reminder with me - not just as a symbol on my skin, but as a guiding principle in my life. It is a call to action, a prompt to pause and reflect, and a promise to contribute to the harmony of the world around me. Through my actions, my relationships, and my choices, I strive to honor the peace I’ve come to understand and share it with others, knowing that peace is both the journey and the destination.

[climbtopeace]

The Struggle No One Talks About: When Mental Health Feels Like a Losing Battle

Some days, it feels like everything is falling apart. Right now, that’s exactly where I am... Angry, overwhelmed, and lost. It’s like the weight of everything in my life is pressing down on me all at once, and no matter how much I try to push it away, I can't escape it. There’s a constant hum of frustration, confusion, and fear running through my mind, and it’s exhausting. I feel like I’m trapped in a storm that keeps getting worse, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to find shelter.

It’s not even sadness or anger in the way most people might understand it. It’s a numbness, a sense of being utterly disconnected from everything around me. It’s like I’m here, but I’m not really here. I’m going through the motions of life—work, chores, conversations—but none of it feels real. It’s terrifying, this numbness and distortion... It feels like I’m floating through a fog, and I can’t tell if I’m coming or going. It’s a crushing emptiness that drains all the energy from you, leaving you stuck in a kind of purgatory between not feeling much of anything and feeling like you’re falling apart.

When I’m in this space, it’s easy for me to start dissociating. It’s my brain’s way of protecting me, of allowing me to “check out” when the world feels too overwhelming...That's what my health care workers always say. But truthfully it's my own kind of prison, it’s like watching your life through a fogged window, knowing you should be participating but being too exhausted to break through. And in the midst of this dissociation, everything becomes blurry—what’s real, what’s not, what's them, what’s me, and what’s just the chaos in my head. It’s maddening. It makes me angry, not just at the world, but at myself for not being able to pull it together.

There's also the physical exhaustion, too. I’m still recovering from an illness that knocked me down for a while—nothing major, but enough to send my body into a complete shutdown. When you’re already struggling mentally, being physically drained feels like the universe adding insult to the injury. The routine I rely on to manage my mental health? Gone. My medication? Skipped. I know how crucial it is to stick to my meds, but in the mess of everything, I let it slip. I’ve felt the consequences of my actions —both mentally and emotionally—and it’s like a vicious cycle that just spirals further out of control. The frustration is real. I know what I need to do to feel "somewhat" better, but I somehow keep messing it up.

And then, as if the rest weren’t enough, my hallucinations are back. They’ve always been part of my reality, but when they show up, it feels like I’m forced to live this way. One is supposed to be my grounded reality, and the other is a distorted version of what’s around me. It’s exhausting to try to navigate through both, and trying to figure out what’s real, what’s not, who to listen to, and what I should do about it. And of course, it makes me frustrated...and overwhelmed... I hate that this is my life—that my mind is something I can’t always trust. It’s a battle I didn’t ask for, but it’s the one I’m fighting every single day.

I guess the part that hurts the most, though, is that no one really understands.. Sure they can listen, but in my experience the mental health professionals just want you to distract yourself. They offer solutions that feel empty, like putting a band-aid on a gaping wound. And.. Hey!.. Maybe that works for some people, maybe it helps to fill the silence, and the emptiness... But when you’re stuck in this kind of place that I'm in and you’re so damn tired of distracting yourself from what’s really going on, it’s NOT enough. When you can’t even escape your own mind, the last thing you want to hear is "just try this," or "you’ll be fine in time." It’s not that simple. And that kind of “advice” just makes it feel worse. When your reality is distorted, and your brain isn’t even on your side, it’s scary. It’s so lonely, and you want out. You don’t just want to get through the day. You want the storm to stop. You want to breathe again. But no one is really offering a way out. They just want you to hold on, through distractions... As if that’s enough.

Right now, I’m taking things day by day. I’m trying to get back on my meds, and trying to get my life back in order, but it’s hard to believe that it will get better soon. Healing doesn’t work on a schedule, and there’s always this nagging fear that maybe I won’t get better, that this is as good as it gets. But I’m trying. I’m trying to remind myself that it’s okay not to have all the answers right now. It’s okay to be angry, to be scared, and to feel lost. But it doesn’t mean I have to stay here forever... Right? I know some days are harder than others, and it’s a constant struggle, but I don’t have to have it all figured out today, and I'm trying to be okay with that.

So, if you’re reading this and you’re struggling too, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, to feel like everything is falling apart. I’m right here with you in the mess, and we can get through this together.

[climbtopeace]

The Silent Battle: Reflections on Trauma, Healing, and Hope

Mental health can feel like a battlefield—both in the mind and in the body. For many of us struggling with trauma, the fight is not always visible to others, but it is all-consuming. Recently, I found myself at a critical juncture in my own mental health journey. As I spend my last day at the Crisis Center, I'm taking a moment to reflect on some important lessons I've learned, and I want to share them with you in the hope that they resonate with someone who may be facing their own silent battles.

The Importance of Connection

One of the most striking moments during my time at the center was a conversation with a woman named Tara. She was my age and, like me, had experienced her own struggles. But what stood out was her kindness, compassion, and, most importantly, her ability to listen. In that exchange, I was reminded of something I had long pushed aside: the importance of connection.

For years, I’ve isolated myself, convincing myself that I didn’t need anyone, that opening up would be a burden to others. But in that conversation with Tara, I realized how much I had been missing out on by building walls around myself. People are what make life bearable, and I need to let myself rely on others a little more. It’s hard for me to ask for help—I’ve always felt like my feelings might be too much for others to carry—but now I’m learning that vulnerability is not a weakness; it’s a strength.

The Ongoing Struggle with PTSD and Trauma

Living with PTSD is like having your nervous system constantly on high alert. It's like being in fight or flight mode without a clear threat, your body and mind locked in a struggle you can't always understand. Even though I’ve been working hard to manage it, I’ve realized just how deeply embedded my trauma is. There are moments when I feel like I’m doing okay, but then something small can trigger a storm inside me that I can’t explain.

Earlier in my time at the center, I had one of those triggers. On the outside, I was calm, but inside, my body was reacting to a past I couldn’t fully grasp. I think that’s what’s so frustrating about trauma—it doesn’t always make sense. It can be a fight that feels invisible to others, but it’s all too real for those of us living with it. Despite the confusion and the overwhelming feelings of panic or fear, I know I can’t let this trauma take over my life. I’ve been working on staying grounded, and even though it’s difficult, I’m committed to continuing the fight.

The Struggle with Coping Mechanisms

Like many people dealing with mental health issues, I’ve had my share of coping mechanisms. Some were healthier than others. But one thing I’ve come to realize is how important it is to choose tools that truly serve my healing, rather than seeking temporary relief that only deepens the struggle. Healing doesn't come from avoiding or numbing the pain. It comes from facing it head-on, with the right support, therapy, and tools to manage it.

It's not easy, but each time I make the choice to prioritize my mental and emotional health, I feel a bit stronger. Real healing takes time, and it requires confronting the things that scare us most—whether that’s a difficult memory, a painful emotion, or the vulnerability of asking for help.

Patience and Persistence in the Healing Process

I know that healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow, often frustrating process, and there will be days when I feel like I’m not making any progress at all. But the key, I’m learning, is persistence. It’s about continuing to show up for yourself, even when your body is screaming at you to run. It’s about sticking with the therapy, sticking with the medication, and trusting that, over time, the hard work will pay off.

I know I’m not there yet, and I won’t expect instant results. But I do believe that if I keep working with my support system—my therapist, my loved ones, and myself—I can get there. Every day is a step forward, no matter how small it may seem.

Why We Need to Keep Trying

When I first began this journey, I didn’t think I had it in me to keep going. There were times when the weight of my trauma felt too heavy, and I didn’t know if I could bear it any longer. But with each day that I continue this work, I am reminded that my story is not over. I am not defined by my trauma, nor am I bound by my struggles. Healing is possible, even when it feels like an uphill battle.

For anyone out there who is struggling, who feels like they’re on the brink of giving up—please know this: you are not alone. You don’t have to have all the answers today. You don’t have to be perfect. What matters is that you keep trying. Keep moving forward, even if it’s just one small step at a time.

And most importantly, be patient with yourself. Healing is not linear. Some days will be harder than others, but each day you continue to try, you are making progress. You are stronger than you realize.

Thank you to those who listen, who support, and who walk alongside me in my healing journey. Your presence matters more than you know.

[climbtopeace]

Breathe Easy: Heartfelt Tips for Managing Panic Attacks

1. Grounding Techniques

Use Your Senses: When anxiety hits, grounding techniques can be really effective. One that I find helpful is the “5-4-3-2-1” exercise. It’s simple: look around and pick out five things you can see—maybe a plant, a picture, or your favorite mug. Next, focus on four things you can touch, like the texture of your clothes or the surface of a table. Then, listen for three sounds—perhaps the ticking of a clock or a car outside. This practice helps me reconnect with the present moment and reminds me that I’m safe.

2. Controlled Breathing

Practice Deep Breathing: It’s so easy to forget to breathe when anxiety strikes! I’ve learned that taking a moment for deep breathing can really help calm my racing heart. I inhale deeply for a count of four, hold for four, and then exhale slowly for four. It’s almost like inflating a balloon and then letting it go. Sometimes I play soothing music while I do this—it really helps to create a peaceful atmosphere.

3. Create a Safe Space

Find Your Calm Place: Create a mental “happy place” to visit when you need comfort. Picture a cozy spot in your mind, like a sunlit room with soft blankets and a good book. When anxiety bubbles up, close your eyes and imagine being there, feeling relaxed and secure.

4. Journaling Your Feelings

Express Yourself on Paper: Writing has become my go-to when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I take out my journal and just let my thoughts flow, no filters allowed. I write about what triggered my anxiety and how I’m feeling, almost like having a heart-to-heart with a friend. Sometimes, I write letters to myself filled with encouragement. Looking back at my entries shows me how far I’ve come, reminding me that I can get through tough times.

5. Connect with Others

Talk It Out: Sharing what you’re going through can lighten the load. Whether it’s a close friend, your partner or family member, just saying, “Hey, I’m feeling anxious right now,” helps so much. Sometimes we can even laugh about it or brainstorm ways to cope together. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone, and that support makes a huge difference.

Finding what works for you is part of the journey, and it’s completely okay to take your time. These strategies are just a few pieces of the puzzle, and I hope you find something here that resonates with you!

[climbtopeace]

Five Minutes to Spark Change 🌟

Ready to make a difference in your day? Here are five simple practices that take just five minutes each, yet can lead to powerful transformations:

Mindfulness Meditation: Focus on your breath for five minutes. This can enhance your mental clarity and emotional resilience.

Journaling: Spend five minutes jotting down your thoughts or expressing gratitude. This simple act can shift your perspective and help you focus on the positive.

Physical Movement: Take a quick stretch or a brisk walk for five minutes. This invigorates your body and mind, boosting your overall mood.

Learn Something New: Use five minutes to read an article or watch a short video on a topic that sparks your interest. This stimulates your mind and inspires creativity.

Connect with Someone: Reach out to a friend or loved one for a brief chat. Strengthening your social connections enhances your sense of belonging and support.

Embracing Change

The secret to embracing small changes is consistency. By integrating these five-minute rituals into your daily routine, you can experience significant shifts in your mindset and lifestyle. Over time, these small adjustments accumulate, leading to greater well-being, productivity, and fulfillment.

Change doesn’t have to be daunting. Just five minutes can spark a powerful shift in your life. Why not start today? Embrace these small changes and watch how they transform your journey! ✨

[climbtopeace]

Self-Care: Your Personal Path

Self-care isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution; it’s a deeply personal and ever-evolving practice. What fills one person’s cup might leave another feeling empty—and that’s perfectly okay! The heart of self-care is in exploration: it’s about finding those unique practices that truly nourish your soul.

The Personal Nature of Self-Care

Let’s be real: scrolling through social media, it’s easy to feel pressure to adopt the latest self-care trend. Maybe it’s a morning ritual involving crystals and smoothies or an evening routine packed with mindfulness apps. While these can be wonderful, they’re not universal. Think about what genuinely brings you joy. Is it losing yourself in a book? Dancing in your living room? Or perhaps it’s a spontaneous road trip to a place you’ve never been? The beauty of self-care lies in its individuality.

Reframing Self-Care: It’s Not Selfish

As I navigate my own self-care journey, I often remind myself that prioritizing my well-being isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Imagine trying to pour from an empty cup; you can’t give your best self to others if you’re running on fumes. By taking time for ourselves, we recharge and become more present, not just for our own needs but for those we care about.

Taking That First Step: Small Changes Matter

Feeling overwhelmed? You’re not alone. Start small. Maybe carve out just five minutes in your day for a deep breath, or step outside for a quick walk. The key is to embrace the messiness of life—your self-care doesn’t have to look perfect. It’s about honoring your feelings and discovering what genuinely lights you up.

Consider trying a new hobby or reconnecting with an old one. Maybe you loved painting as a kid, but haven’t picked up a brush in years. Or perhaps you find joy in cooking—experimenting with new recipes can be both therapeutic and delicious!

Worthiness of Care and Compassion

Here’s a truth we all need to hear: we are worthy of care and compassion—especially from ourselves. As we navigate life’s ups and downs, it’s crucial to remember that self-care is an ongoing journey. Be gentle with yourself, and know that it’s okay to adjust your practices as your needs change.

So, let’s celebrate our unique paths to self-care. Share your experiences with friends, swap ideas, and support each other in this journey. Whether it’s cozying up with a cup of tea, exploring the outdoors, or diving into a creative project, we all deserve moments that nurture our spirits.

Remember, it’s not about perfection; it’s about progress. Embrace your individuality, honor what feels good, and let your self-care journey unfold in a way that’s uniquely yours. After all, you are worthy of love, care, and compassion—especially from yourself!

[climbtopeace]

You Matter!

Hey there, friends!

Today, I want to talk about something super important: you matter! Sometimes, it can be easy to forget how special we are, especially when life gets busy or we feel a little down. But guess what? You are unique and important just the way you are!

Being Brave to Share

Have you ever felt shy about sharing your thoughts or feelings? It’s totally normal! I used to feel that way too. But when I started sharing my story—like my favorite hobbies, what makes me happy, or even what makes me sad—I found out that others felt the same way! Being brave to talk about what’s in your heart helps you connect with friends and makes everyone feel a little less alone.

The Power of Kindness

Did you know that even the smallest acts of kindness can have a big impact? A smile, a compliment, or helping a friend can change someone’s whole day! Think about a time when someone was nice to you—it probably made you feel good, right? Well, your kindness can do the same for others! Every little thing you do counts.

Being Nice to Yourself

Sometimes, we can be our own toughest critics. Instead of saying mean things to ourselves, let’s practice being our own best friend! If you make a mistake, it’s okay! Instead of saying, “I’m the worst,” try saying, “I did my best, and I can try again.” Treat yourself with kindness and celebrate even the small victories!

Your Voice Matters

You have amazing thoughts and ideas! Speaking up and sharing what you think is so important. Whether it’s in class, with your friends, or even at home, your voice deserves to be heard. Don’t be afraid to express yourself; your opinions are valuable!

A Little Challenge for You

Take a moment to think about what makes you special. Maybe it’s your creativity, your sense of humor, or your ability to help others. Write it down or share it with someone you trust. Remember, you are important and you make a difference in the world!

So next time you feel like you don’t matter, remember this: you are a bright light in this world, and you bring something special that no one else can. Keep climbing toward your own peace, and always remember that you matter!

With love and smiles, Bree

[climbtopeace]

A New Chapter: Reflecting on Change

Two mornings ago was a mix of emotions. As I stepped out of my psychiatrist's office, I realized it would be our final session. He’s returning to his home country, and even though our meetings were few, they felt meaningful. Each visit had been a step toward understanding myself better, and now that journey is shifting.

It’s strange how connections can form in such a short time. I appreciated his insights, his patience, and the way he listened without judgment. He provided a sense of stability during a tumultuous period in my life, and the idea of saying goodbye, even if we didn’t know each other well, stirred something in me. It made me realize how important these moments are, even the brief ones, in shaping our paths.

As we talked about my progress and next steps, he introduced me to the Early Psychosis program team that will be taking over my care. There’s a comfort in knowing I’ll have support moving forward, but it’s also a little daunting. Change is never easy, especially when it comes to something as personal as mental health. The idea of starting anew with a different team feels like stepping into the unknown.

I’ve been trying to process what this all means for me. There’s a part of me that feels anxious about the transition, wondering how this new team will mesh with where I am right now. But there’s also a sense of hope. Each therapist brings their own perspective, and maybe this change will lead to new insights and growth. I know I need to embrace the uncertainty and give myself permission to feel whatever comes up during this time.

As I sit here reflecting, I’m reminded that this journey is uniquely mine. It’s filled with ups and downs, and each experience—whether brief or prolonged—contributes to my story. I want to honor the past, appreciate the moments that have shaped me, and be open to what lies ahead. Change can be uncomfortable, but it can also be a doorway to new possibilities.

So here’s to new beginnings, to the support of a new team, and to the hope that lies in the journey ahead. I’ll take it one day at a time, ready to embrace whatever comes next.

[climbtopeace]

A Heartfelt Guide: Supporting a Loved One Through Psychosis

When someone we care about is experiencing distress from psychosis, it can feel overwhelming. But your support can make a world of difference. Here’s a heartfelt guide to help you navigate this journey together.

1. Listen Without Judgment

Sometimes, all someone needs is to be heard. Let them express their feelings and thoughts without interrupting or judging. Your open ears can provide comfort and validation.

2. Be Present

Your physical presence can be incredibly grounding. Whether it's sitting quietly beside them, watching a favorite show, or just holding their hand, being there can help them feel less alone.

3. Encourage Professional Help

Gently remind them that seeking help from a mental health professional can be a crucial step. Offer to assist with finding a therapist or doctor and, if they're comfortable, accompany them to appointments.

4. Create a Safe Environment

Help establish a calm and reassuring atmosphere. Reduce noise and clutter, and consider soft lighting or soothing music. A peaceful space can ease anxiety.

5. Provide Reassurance

Remind them that they are not alone and that what they’re experiencing can improve with time and care. Simple affirmations like “I’m here for you” can be incredibly powerful.

6. Stay Grounded with Routine

Encourage a gentle daily routine, including meals, sleep, and self-care. Structure can provide a sense of normalcy and stability amidst the chaos.

7. Engage in Simple Activities

Invite them to participate in low-pressure activities, like a walk in nature, coloring, or watching a favorite movie. These moments of connection can help lift their spirits.

8. Educate Yourself Together

Learn about psychosis together. Understanding their experience can foster empathy and reduce fear. Consider reading articles or watching videos that explain what they might be going through.

9. Check-In Regularly

Regularly check in with them, even just with a quick text or call. Your consistent presence shows that you care and are there for them, no matter what.

10. Practice Self-Care

Supporting someone can be emotionally taxing. Remember to take care of your own mental health, too. Find moments to recharge, whether through exercise, hobbies, or talking with someone you trust.

11. Celebrate Small Victories

Acknowledge and celebrate even the tiniest steps forward. Whether it's a good day or a small breakthrough, these victories matter and can inspire hope.

12. Be Patient

Recovery can be a winding road with ups and downs. Be patient and understanding, and remind them that it’s okay to take things one day at a time.

[climbtopeace]

My Journey of Healing and Identity

Coming out is often painted as a triumphant moment, but for me, it was a deep personal battle of healing and self-acceptance. I was outed by someone I trusted and loved dearly, and in the aftermath, there were nights I felt like I was suffocating, wanting to claw myself out of my own skin, desperate to escape the unbearable weight of it all. But as I began to process what had happened, I realized I had a choice: to let their actions define me or to reclaim my narrative. So I started small—writing in a journal, confiding in therapy and a few trusted friends. Each conversation was a step toward acceptance, a way to rebuild the pieces of myself that felt shattered.

Gradually, I started to piece myself back together. I learned that it’s okay not to have a perfect narrative, that acknowledging the pain is part of the healing process. Each day became a new opportunity to grow stronger, to craft a life that reflects my true self, even if it didn’t start out that way.

I also learned the importance of patience. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Some days I felt strong, ready to face the world; other days, I struggled to even get out of bed. And that was okay. I learned to give myself grace, to recognize that every feeling was valid.

As time passed, I discovered a newfound strength within me. I embraced my identity, celebrating the little victories along the way. Whether it was wearing something that felt true to me or finally expressing my feelings openly, each step was a reminder that I was worthy of love and acceptance.

Discovering joy in everyday moments became crucial. I began to appreciate the beauty in the little things—a warm cup of coffee, a good book, or a conversation with a friend who truly understood me. I surrounded myself with people who celebrated my authentic self, who lifted me up rather than weighed me down. Each connection became a reminder that I was not defined by the pain of my past but by the love and acceptance I was beginning to heal.

In embracing my identity, I discovered the power of vulnerability. Sharing my story with others not only deepened my connections but also helped to dispel the shame that had lingered in the shadows. I realized that my experiences could help others feel less alone, and that gave my journey a sense of purpose.

Through it all, I came to see that while the path may be rocky, it is also filled with hope, love, and endless possibilities. Each day brought new opportunities to grow, to love myself more fiercely, and to embrace the beautiful, imperfect person I am becoming.

If you’re reading this and navigating your own journey, know that you are not alone. It’s okay to feel pain, and it’s okay to seek help. Surround yourself with those who uplift you, and embrace your true self. You deserve love, acceptance, and the freedom to be who you are.

This is my story, with all its twists and turns. It’s not perfect, but it’s mine. And that, in itself, is a victory.

[climbtopeace]

Whispers in the Pines

Underneath the towering pines, where the daylight starts to fade, I breathe in the scent of earth and blooms, lost in evening's shade. Every step I take feels like I'm finally coming home, With rustling leaves around me, I hear the whispers roam.

Oh whispers in the pines, calling softly to me, saying “You’re not alone, we’re all just longing to be free.” With every breath I take, I find a piece of me, In the heart of the wild, oh, that’s where I long to be.

In autumn’s golden glow, I roam the winding trails, Echoes of laughter drifting softly through the dales. Moonlight paints the pathway, casting shadows soft and low, A fawn steps out to greet me, as if to say “hello.”

Oh whispers in the pines, calling softly to me, saying “You’re not alone, we’re all just longing to be free.” With every breath I take, I find a piece of me, In the heart of the wild, oh, that’s where I long to be.

I'm shedding all my worries, and feeling light as air, In the stillness of the night, I’m free from every care. With whispers in the pines, my spirit starts to grow, In the heart of the wild, I’ve found my place to go.

Oh whispers in the pines, calling softly to me, saying, “You’re not alone, we’re all just longing to be free.” With every breath I take, I find a piece of me, In the heart of the wild, oh, that’s where I long to be.

So let the wind keep howlin’, lift me to the sky, Like the branches swaying, watch me learn to fly. If you’re searching for the light, just listen for the sound, In the whispers of the pines, we’re always to be found.

Oh whispers in the pines, calling softly to me, saying “You’re not alone, we’re all just longing to be free.” With every breath I take, I find a piece of me, In the heart of the wild, oh, that’s where I long to be.

Oh whispers in the pines, gentle as a breeze, In this wild embrace, I’ve finally found my peace. You’re not alone, we’re all just longing to be free, Oh in the whispers of the pines, I've finally found my peace.

[climbtopeace]

Lost In Translation: Understanding My Dissociation

Dissociation is a challenging experience to put into words. When people ask me, “What does it feel like?” I often struggle to find the right way to explain it. While some may view it as a form of escape, for me, it often feels like a nightmare—trapped in a suffocating fog where everything is distant and unclear.

Imagine being in a dream where you’re fully aware it’s a dream, yet you can’t wake up. That’s what dissociation feels like for me. I feel trapped, desperately trying to break free as everything around me—people, places, sounds—fades into shadows. It’s like peering through a foggy window; reality becomes distorted and surreal, leaving me feeling even more lost.

In these moments, my vision can get blurry, lights seem to dim, and familiar faces can turn foreign. It’s disorienting and frightening, adding to the sense of isolation. While some people say they float away from their bodies, that’s not how I experience it. I feel stuck in a strange place, like a spectator in my own life. It’s scary, especially when hallucinations start. Voices can invade my mind, whispering and taunting, making it hard to find any peace.

What’s even more unsettling is how long these episodes can last—sometimes weeks or even months. It’s not just a fleeting feeling; it reshapes my entire reality. Everyday moments become overwhelming. When I see doctors, they often ask if I feel detached and floating, and I can’t help but laugh. Instead of floating, I feel anchored in a fog that won’t lift. Picture being in a crowded room filled with friends and laughter but feeling completely disconnected. It’s like watching life from behind a glass barrier—everything seems distant and unreal.

In those moments, I sometimes worry I’m losing my sense of humanity. My emotions feel muted, like my voice has been silenced. It’s like being in a void where just existing feels heavy. The numbness wraps around me, making even the smallest tasks feel monumental. This isolation can lead me to dark thoughts, where escape feels like the only option.

People often say, “You’ve made it this far; you can keep going.” But they don’t realize how exhausting it is. It’s not just about survival; it takes so much energy to navigate this confusing reality every single day. Each step can feel like dragging a boulder uphill, and those well-meaning words can sometimes feel more dismissive than encouraging.

Despite everything, I’ve come to understand how vital it is to talk about dissociation. It’s not just something unusual; it’s a coping mechanism that often arises from trauma, stress, or overwhelming emotions. Sharing my story is an essential part of my healing journey and helps others who feel similarly know they’re not alone in their experiences.

I want to share this because many people don’t fully understand dissociation. It can be a complex experience, often isolating and painful. If you relate to any of this, know that your feelings are valid. You’re not alone in navigating this challenging reality. This is my personal experience, and I recognize that everyone has their own unique journey. For those trying to understand, I hope this glimpse into my world clarifies what dissociation really is—it's a lived experience that can feel all-consuming.

Let’s keep this conversation going. Together, we can break down misunderstandings and create a space for empathy and awareness.

[climbtopeace]

Lessons from My ER Visit

Life has a way of throwing unexpected challenges at us, and sometimes those challenges can feel overwhelming. Recently, I found myself in the emergency room, seeking help during a particularly dark time. What I thought would be a straightforward visit turned into a pivotal moment in my journey toward understanding my mental health.

As I sat in the sterile, fluorescent-lit room, I was filled with a mix of anxiety and resignation. I had hoped for a quick fix—a prescription, perhaps, or some magic words that would finally provide me with relief from my persistent suicidal thoughts. But instead, I was met with something far more profound: a conversation with a doctor who understood the complexity of emotional pain.

He encouraged me to confront the reality of my feelings rather than brush them aside. “It’s okay to have these thoughts,” he said gently. “What’s important is how you choose to respond to them.” In that moment, I realized that my suicidal thoughts, along with the hallucinations I sometimes experience, are a part of my emotional landscape. Accepting that they might be with me for the rest of my life is a hard pill to swallow. They don’t define me, nor do they dictate my worth.

The doctor also made me realize that a diagnosis could take years to pinpoint and that some people navigate multiple diagnoses that can change over time. This realization was both unsettling and comforting; it reinforced that mental health is not a static label but a fluid journey, full of twists and turns.

It was difficult to accept. I wanted to banish those thoughts, to push them into the dark corners of my mind and forget they existed. I had hoped that this visit might finally bring some relief, yet uncertainty loomed over me like a heavy fog. Sometimes, the pain is just too much. It feels like a weight that suffocates, making it hard to breathe or think clearly.

The truth is, our emotions are valid—every single one of them. Accepting my feelings, including the darker ones, doesn’t mean I have to act on them. It means I acknowledge their presence and allow myself to feel without judgment.

This experience taught me a vital lesson: mental health is not a label we wear; it’s a journey we navigate. Just because I have moments of despair doesn’t mean I am defined by them. I am not my diagnosis, nor am I my worst thoughts. I am a tapestry of experiences, emotions, and resilience, but I also carry the weight of uncertainty, wondering how my mental health will evolve over time.

Accepting my emotions means recognizing that healing is not linear. There will be ups and downs, and that’s okay. What matters is how I choose to respond to those moments of darkness. Instead of hiding from my feelings, I’m learning to embrace them as part of my story—a story that is still unfolding, filled with both light and shadow.

To anyone who finds themselves in a similar place, know that you are not alone. It’s okay to seek help, to talk about what you’re feeling, and to accept that some days are harder than others. You don’t have to define your mental health by a single moment or label. You are so much more than your struggles.

As I continue my climb toward peace, I’m learning to be gentle with myself. I’m committed to exploring my emotions, understanding their origins, and finding healthy ways to cope. This journey may be challenging and filled with uncertainty, but I believe it will ultimately lead me to a deeper sense of peace and acceptance.

Thank you for being part of this journey with me. Let’s continue to support one another as we navigate the complexities of mental health together.

[climbtopeace]

Life Is Strange Kiddos

This tattoo serves as a personal reminder of my resilience and the ongoing process of growth. Each challenge and moment of pain contributes to a greater transformation, much like how a butterfly’s struggle to break free strengthens its wings. Embracing this journey, I find strength in knowing that even small, seemingly insignificant steps can lead to meaningful change. The interconnectedness of our experiences reminds us that every effort matters and that even the smallest actions can ripple out and create a profound impact on our lives and the world around us. This perspective inspires me to stay committed to my personal growth and to appreciate the value of each step along the way. The tattoo is more than just an image; it’s a symbol to embrace new beginnings. Every moment of pain and every small achievement contribute to a larger, transformative process, reinforcing the idea that our efforts, no matter how small, are integral to our overall journey.

Tattoo Artist: Macy Cheng