drowninmywords · 5 years ago
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Nature vs nurture
I left
I never thought I would, but I did
That room screams depression and anxiety
Negativity fills it
Dark clouds consume it
Even if it’s sunny outside
In a house full of chaos, it gets hard to see the light
My days have never been brighter since I left
I actually feel happy
I am actually at peace
I feel in control
I can breathe
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drowninmywords · 6 years ago
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Get out of my head
I can’t get you out of my head
It’s bothering me
I want to text you
But I know I shouldn’t
I feel like I pushed you away
I’m sorry for being so much
I got too used to the attention you were giving me
Now it’s all gone
Where did it go?
What did I do?
Let me fix it
If only you knew that all I want is for you to relax
There is no pressure
No labels
Just the now
Can we please just enjoy the now?
Perfearably with me on all fours and you pounding me out
Preferably with me sucking your dick for a whole hour until you cum
I want to make you cum so bad
It’s actually my goal
I picture me giving you head until you cum in my mouth again
Your cum taste so good
It could all be so simple
Text me.
Tell me to come over.
Please, on my knees, I’m begging you.
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drowninmywords · 6 years ago
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Relax, enjoy the ride
Maybe I should of never made the first move after all.
All I want is to get to know you
Why must you jump the gun?
I haven’t even shot yet and you have a bullet proof vest on.
Relax, enjoy me sucking your dick
Focus on cumming
The rest can wait
Don’t let my need for conversation give you the wrong impression
I just want to ride this wave, preferably on your cock
If things lead to something great, if not, that’s fine too.
I’m used to everyone leaving eventually
Trust me, I’ll be fine afterwards
Life has prepared me for the worst
If I can be fine without my mom, you think it’ll be the end of the world, if we don’t work out?
And relax, I don’t mean work out as in relationship.
I mean as in fucking.
I just want a man that won’t get tired of fucking me.
I want a man that when he puts it in me, he makes me forget about everything else in that moment.
I want to please.
I’m deprived.
Let me in sexually.
That is all I demand.
Gag me, so I won’t speak, and say something that will turn you off.
Let me position myself doggy, so you can pound it out.
I’ll leave afterwards, satisfied.
I’m the opposite of shallow, I warned you.
But don’t punish me for it.
Sit down, put on your seatbelt, and enjoy this ride.
No matter the destination, I’ll make sure to make it worth while.
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drowninmywords · 6 years ago
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Tag You’re It
I used to be a cry baby
That term has always been used negatively
This world always seems to interpret things backwards
I wish I was a cry baby now
Crying is a sign of weakness
So many men can line up & share their stories of how this statement was beaten to them
Mentally and emotionally conditioned to them
I would probably be part of the few women who would be in that line
I wish I could go back to when I was a little girl and remember how it felt to express my emotions freely
Without this condemnatory cloud over me
My mother was always so careful with me
Making sure I didn’t fall
I remember the first time I fell
When she came to visit me, she nearly had a heart attack
My knee was bruised and she didn’t want me to be filled with scars
But I didn’t mind at all
I was always in the principal’s office with a scraped, bleeding knee
Product of recess
I was just a kid who played too roughly
I fell so many times that I became pro at not crying
The pain was familiar to me
If you look at my knees I have scars
I sometimes stare at them, to remind myself I once was a kid with no care in the world
I am proud of them
They represent my favorite childhood game, TAG
What happened to me?
Where did she go?
I keep yelling “TAG YOU’RE IT” to that little girl inside of me
But she’s just a no show
I know it’s my fault
She’s mad at me for playing a trick on her
You see I decided to play hide and seek with her
& I just left her alone
   -   I’m sorry, I never came back for you. I know I’m many years too late... But I’m here now...
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drowninmywords · 6 years ago
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You
You make me scared
Because of how much I want to open up myself to you
I haven't felt like this in so long, or perhaps ever
I always want to hide a part of myself
But with you it's different
With you, I want to unleash everything
With you, I feel comfortable exposing my demons, my trauma
With you, I wish I could open my skull and place my brain in your hands
I have this desire to worship you, to give you all of me
I want you to train me how to be your submissive
I know you can make me better
It's almost as if you're the missing piece to my puzzle
You are what this caterpillar needs to become a butterfly
Without you I'll just be a moth
Without you pain is just pain
You make me believe in magic
The way your hands heal me its surreal
I know you can protect me from everything and anything
I'll gladly make you my god and put you on a pedestal
Every night I'll be on my knees with a different prayer
Unlike the one society made up
I know you'll always answer each and every one of them
& like a good girl I'll comply
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drowninmywords · 6 years ago
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Craving
I have a short dress on, with a blazer
Nude heels to go along with it
The dress helps for when I move around my chair
Back and forth I go
If I rock hard enough, I might climax
I observe my eye candy
He’s such an attractive banker
I picture us taking lunch together and him fucking me senseless in the bathroom
He seems like the type to leave bruises, once he’s done with you
I want his hands all over me
Especially around my neck
As he’s deep inside of me
Staring at me with those eyes
That look he gives, leaves you frozen in time
I can only imagine how deep into my soul his gaze would go
If I was to look up with his cock in my mouth
-chronicles of a horny bank teller
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drowninmywords · 6 years ago
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More
I told myself I wouldn’t write about you
Especially after that day you asked me with a smile on your face
If I still did, & you chuckled
The satisfaction you had on your face
It irritated me
Knowing your ego is inflated
Due to my feelings
But I can’t help it
Its summer and I’m smoking black & milds again
Thinking about you everytime
Reminiscing on how good it felt with you
Missing you, incredibly
Wanting your body on mine
My true desire is for you to devour me
Leave me shredded in pieces 
Drowning in your saliva
Every time you say “let’s do it one more time”
The fire in my soul starts burning
My river starts overflowing
Our story shouldn’t have ended with so many what ifs
We should have happened
I refuse to give you my body
So, you get to satisfy your craving
While I get left wanting more
I always fucking want more...
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drowninmywords · 6 years ago
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Growth
I used to hate myself.
I used to pour my entire being on to everyone else, to heal them.
But then my epiphany came and the little girl in my brain was tired of crying herself to sleep waiting for me to rescue her.
I stopped ignoring her, and started working on me, healing myself, trying to better myself each day I get to breathe.
Some may say I’m now selfish.
That I’m way too assertive.
I’m just no longer moving mountains for others when I don’t even create bridges for myself.
How can I help others without helping myself?
These empty hands are each day getting filled with appreciation towards myself.
Although I slip through the cracks sometimes...
I’m learning each day of different methods on how to have my back. ❤️
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drowninmywords · 6 years ago
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Mother’s Day
I’ve always hated Mother’s Day
I don’t remember spending any with my mother
I sometimes wish my subconscious could release some of those happy memories I shared with her, when I was a kid.
I have Mommy issues
She left when I was about to need her the most
Due to circumstances
From her perspective, I try my hardest to understand
I remember her love for me being as deep as the untouched depths of the ocean
Yet it wasn’t strong enough to make her stay
I get that mental illness had a lot to do with it
Perhaps, that’s why I’m dedicating my life to it
She was left with no option, according to her
While I’m there waving my hands, and begging to be considered as one
I still remember the day she left, like it was yesterday
Everyone in that airport heard my screams, cries, my despair..
I didn’t grow up with her after a certain age
I had to be satisfied with just seeing her on Saturdays under supervision
While being raised by a grandmother who I had to beg to give me a hug on holidays, or birthdays
My mother was so affectionate
Her mother was the opposite
Maybe that’s why I need reassurance of how much I’m loved by those that claim they do
When your mother leaves, it creates a void that no one can fulfill
Not even the same mother that left you
Because the damage is done
You switch to survival mode
You become lost
Cold
Frightened
Alone
You become defensive
You don’t believe anyone that proclaims to care about you
If the woman whose body was once my home, is able to leave, please enlighten me how should I trust that you will stay?
As the words come out of your mouth
“I love you” “I’m not going anywhere”
I prepare for the worst
I always do and always will
As I’m typing this, the pain I feel internally feels overbearing
It gets exhausting to feel this
So I numb it
I repress it
I hide it in a empty room in my brain
I make sure to give it a straight jacket
The walls are soft
So when it tries to escape I don’t hear it
I put on my “I’m ok” mask
I go on about my day wishing I was a sub already
Wishing I could call my dom and tell him I need a beating
Wishing I could just be on my way to feel physical pain
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drowninmywords · 6 years ago
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Filter
Sometimes a filter is needed.
In my case, it’s always.
But for the rest...
Before it’s too late
Always keep in mind to keep a filter with people
Some of them can’t handle you
Some of them can’t understand you
Not everyone has to like you.
You still must stay cautious with your actions
Eyes are still on you
Sometimes it’s not about what they think of you
But their perception
Others opinions shouldn’t matter
But they do
They always do
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drowninmywords · 6 years ago
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Adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
I need to learn to adapt
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drowninmywords · 7 years ago
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Limbo
I wish I could go back in time
I was too impatient
I got too excited
I moved too fast
I should have taken things slow
I know that was a lot to deal with
We just finished doing something intimate
New
Dark
Exciting
I shouldn’t have said so much
I apologize for being too much
I wish I was aware of your thoughts
Are you scared of rejecting me?
I can handle it
Go ahead and confess it to me
That I am too big for you
As you were touching my body you couldn’t help but feel my cellulite
& you just don’t want to be a part of this bumpy road
I just wish you would tell me
Because telling me I don’t know what to say
Has my anxiety overthinking in many different ways
I for once had the balls to say what I wanted
This is exactly why I never do
I was afraid of someone not being able to tell me how they feel about what I’ve said
Because they don’t want to hurt my feelings
Just reject me
That’s better than nothing
That’s better than limbo
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drowninmywords · 7 years ago
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Existing
I’m the type to hide but get mad if i don’t get “discovered”
As if I was some land you could conquer?
I’m not a property known for many to be able to handle
Not even me at times
I am a person just like you.
I’m “entitled” to freedom for I only exist
That’s my sole purpose
But sometimes existing feels like being tied down through every direction possible
To the tree on the corner
The mailbox to my right
Even to impossible things like the dark cloud over my head insinuating it’s going to rain
I want it to rain all over me
I want the water to come pouring down
So it can wash away these thoughts, pain, and memories
Perhaps take my depression with you
Let it go to the concrete and stay there so it can evaporate into thin air
So no one could be able to obtain it
I don’t want anyone to feel like this
Or see me like this
Or get infected with this
Sandra today I don’t want to gossip or conversate
Let’s lie down on the cold ground in silence
Don’t tell me about how great your life is
Or how bad it possibly could be
When you still have a family to go to once we’re done contemplating
As I stay on the ground
Cold
Alone
Hiding
Existing
For what purpose?
I don’t know
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drowninmywords · 7 years ago
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Label-less
It seems absurd to me how people can judge others on their lack of experience
& correlate that to their “incapability to relate” to what they go through
Or the person they are
Because the person must have on these sunglasses
That makes them blind to any other lifestyle other than their own
They must carry around with labels and permanent markers in their pockets
Ready to slap it on someone’s forehead
The marker leaks through and it’s the type to not come off with water and soap
That’s what an inexperienced person must be
Too often they get put in their label-less label
Immediately doors close for them
Because they don’t possess the keys others have
As if the doors didn’t exist for everyone
Why must someone have to go through it for someone to recognize them?
Isn’t it enough to see the label-less observe the “normal” ones with admiration?
Always on the sides with nothing but their shades on
Taking it off occasionally, just to try
To observe how be normal
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drowninmywords · 7 years ago
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Daydream
I daydream about a romantic evening with the man I love
He proposes to me in a very private way
I stare at my left hand, loving the ring he gave me
I am about to finish my masters
It’s Christmas eve and my family and his are together
It turns 12:00am and I come over to him with a bow over my belly
He looks into my eyes and I tell him Merry Christmas
He’s confused, and I finally say the words
I’m pregnant
He picks me up and we both start crying
Our families are cheering
I’m just in bliss
Finally feeling like I’ve made it
With my hands soon about to be holding another diploma and a baby
As the love of my life extends his arms and holds me and everything is in place
I come back from my daydream and I’m faced with reality
Loneliness is killing me
I want to experience being kissed all over my body
I want to be held as I fall asleep in someone’s arms
I want to go on dinner dates
I want someone to talk to about my day every day
I want love
The love I deserve
The love I’ve never had and I’m not sure if I ever will
But it still feels nice to daydream about it every once in a while
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drowninmywords · 7 years ago
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To whoever loves me next, I’m sorry if I’m afraid of you or if days of flirting turn to radio silence, without warning. I’m sorry if I make you say the words over and over and over until I believe them. (I’m sorry if I don’t believe them.) I will probably spend more time worrying about losing you than I spend trying to keep you. Trouble is, every single time I’ve ever thought something was too good to be true– I’ve been right. Understand, I will know how to be vulnerable with you, but I won’t know how not to regret it. And I have no idea how deep we’ll be into this relationship before I admit I’ve never done this before. Not really. Not in any way that counts. Before I admit that I know how to put my body inside someone else’s but not how to make it beautiful. I probably won’t be easy to love. Too many people loved me badly, I’m not sure I know how to do it right.
Ashe Vernon (via thelovejournals)
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drowninmywords · 7 years ago
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People can’t fathom to face themselves
They “overcome” their issues with
A cigarette
A blunt
A pill
A drink
Even if the price is seconds, minutes, hours of their lives
Using a substance to numb the pain doesn’t make it go away
It will NEVER go away!!!!!
You must LEARN to cope with it
Reality is inevitable
We must remain in this dimension
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