ki-words

[ki-words]

I need to stop being honest with you.

Being brutally honest to you before was okay, that was when we told each other everything and anything, but now it's different.

I guess it's true that old habits stick.

I can't be pouring myself into you, because I know I won't get any of it back. And if I did, I'll be loosing my pride and dignity for myself, I have very little of it already.

I won't lie, but I don't want to put my porcelain feelings and thoughts in your unsteady palms.

I'm sorry, i'm sorry for any questions I won't answer, even though I know I shouldn't be sorry.

Sadly Honest ~ k.l.c ( @ki-words )

[ki-words]

I am a puzzle.

I am the cheap cardboard your grandparents bought you as a birthday or Christmas present because they didn't know what you liked.

My most vital memories are always the lost pieces that seem to have gone into a portal to the abyss right where you thought the piecat had dropped. Sadly it's never the ones I actually want to burn from existence.

I am built and put together with steady, attentive eyes and hands only to be dismantled with vigorous hands once and once again. Tearing what's left of my world apart over and over, it's exhausting.

My picture, well some of it peeling away after all these years. Sometimes I can't even recognize myself.

I used to be so shiny and vibrant like a red ruby.

And sometimes I try making things work, just like the little kids making my bits and pieces smash together no matter what, even if it means destroying me.

Some people procrastinate to finishing me, I feel like I am no longer bringing them joy. Like working on me is a task. In that case, i'm sorry.

Others want to build Rome in a day to make themselves feel accomplished. But I am only a puzzle and you can only get so much satisfaction from me until it stops.

I know of some who go from one puzzle to the next, as if they are all just trophies to be won. With no significance or meaning to them. Those people, I envy a little.

I am the nostalgia of your childhood but ever since then when you put me together, it never felt the same. I can see the sadness and disappointment in your eyes full of hope that everything will go back to the way used to be. I always seem to be sorry for things that aren't my fault. Sorry...

I may be a puzzle, but I really need to put myself together ~ k.l.c ( @ki-words )

[ki-words]

I'm good

Maybe not 100% good. But a nice subtle good. Like, life's been somewhat shitty, but I'll be okay in the end. I'm okay right now.

It's not a monotone, false "I'm good" that talks of lies.

This "good" speaks of hope, which is rare for me.

Good ~ k.l.c ( @ki-words )

[ki-words]

I'd like to be happy someday

I look forward to that picket fence playhouse

Having some people to have a tea party with

That stuffed dog will one day be mine

Oh, and those misfit toys will be my future children

But please, don't look in the playchest. That's where the skeletons lay. We ignore those, they are just distractors. If you look into their empty eye sockets too long you feel lost, a chill trickling down your spine ever so slowly, lasting a lifetime.

I made that mistake...

Pitcket Fence Playhouse ~ k.l.c ( @ki-words )

[ki-words]

I can't speak in front of a group.

I get polluted with nervousness and anxiety.

I'm grasping for air for my breath to make a single sound.

My tounge has to reach deep down in my esophagus for the words my eyes read. My eyes are glitching back and forth from the ink and the people staring, watching my every move.

They are the peanut gallery to my mistakes.

I just want to strangle something because during a speech you should be calm looking, well I am filled with energy, but I must stay still and "calm".

Kinetic energy is running though my blood vessels I feel my muscles tightening.

And finally it's over, but wait there's an after party.

Everyone must think I did horrible, I mumbled a lot and now I have to move.

I must move and flow this evergy out, otherwise I will explode.

I mean, who wants to die due to spontaneous combustion after a speech, now that's embarrassing.

Talking ~ k.l.c ( @ki-words )

[ki-words]

Do you have everlasting touch

Because I can't seem to get rid of your palm prints on my hands, that you used to hold tightly

And your finger prints all across my body. As well as the pink hued stains on my lips, my neck and my cheeks that you used to so gently caress

And of course, I can't forget the imprints on the sides of my stomach from your arms being tightly wrapped around me

My body seems to be a memoryfoam bed with wine stains from late night talks.

Stains ~ k.l.c ( @ki-words )

[ki-words]

I am a system of memories, some good, some bad, but mainly sad.

They are constantly being reenacted in my mind, like a broken record that I can't seem to remove.

I always regret my decisions, thinking that I could've done something better or more to help, even while in the present.

I am a system of memories, meaning I also remember the times I've spent just thinking about the future and what will become of me, as well as what future actions I should take during possible possibilities. I never know what to do or say, no matter how much time I had to think about what action to take.

I'm a mess, to say the least, me and my memories.

Memories of the future ~ k.l.c ( @ki-words )

[ki-words]

[ki-words]

I don't know how to win with you

I don't know how to win when I'm tearing myself down and you're building up

I don't know how to win when I want change but you're okay with the present

I don't know how to win when I don't want to make you do anything but I want you to do something

I don't know how to win with you when I keep talking to you about this but you don't do anything

Maybe I should stop trying to win, maybe I need to stop the game.

If I try winning you over I feel as if I'm begging for mercy and i feel even weaker than I am

If I try to forget about you I feel as though I'll be a little more empty inside and lost.

Either way, I lose ~ k.l.c ( @ki-words )

[ki-words]

I miss you

Not as if you had died

Or as if you had said goodbye to me

But as if you had just evaporated into thin air without me noticing

You just disappeared somehow, but I don't even remember you being here

I miss you ~ k.l.c ( @ki-words )

[ki-words]

Hello,

i am a pocket-sized human.

you can put me here and there but my main place of shelter is within the flannel walls that i am kept in.

if i stand high on my tippie toes, i can see through a hole in my current home.

I love looking at the big objects that these giants use.

they are so interesting with their big world, and me being so small.

sometimes i feel so insignificant, all i've done all my life is survive.

going place to place, finding new shelter before the floods and chemicals wash in.

everything just kind of is a blur, i don't even remember how i came about. I feel bad for if I have a pocket-sized-pocket-sized human in my pocket; they must feel like the smallest of us all.

Pocket-sized human ~ k.l.c ( @ki-words )

[ki-words]

Her lips tasted like sweet apple pie, with a small hint of death that lingers after the first few bites.

Which is funny, because she...she was the most lively person I knew.

Her favorite color was bright, blood red. She wore her old red All Star Converse high tops like there was no tomorrow.

For her personality, she was quite sad. Like, poisoned apple sad; like, it looks delicious, juicy and crisp but if you bite into it, you will get something much worse than a cold, than coughs, sneezes, a running, red nose and watery eyes.

Something that will make you cough up your happiness into your elbow, sneezing out hope, running in place, yerning for the red horizon, and drowning your eyes out.

I would never regret meeting the girl and her red high tops...

Girl of red ~ k.l.c ( @ki-words )

[ki-words]

When there is rain all I think is rain.

Rain is the nature's lullaby sung to me, calming and nurturing

It's like the Earth's television static.

Putting my hand out to feel the liquid, clear gold touch my skin.

I love feeling my hair becoming soaked and the strands sticking to my skin.

Seeing the effect of water on water, the collisions.

Hearing drips and drops falling all the way down.

Today's a rainy day ~ k.l.c ( @ki-words )

[ki-words]

Challenge: each stanza must begin with the first letter of your name

Kindness

King of my actions

Killer to myself

Killed by heartache

Key to happiness, maybe

Kisses many

Kissed by few

Keen

Kneels before all, except myself sometimes

Knowledgeable of confusion

[ki-words]

Murals have always been a favorite of mine.

They’re not just paint on a canvas. It’s paint ingrained into the city’s walls.

The city just got some ink, public to the eye. Snickered at, admired, and touched by many.

Instead of red brick after red brick and window covered, sky high boxes, it’s color to the liveliness of the streets. It gives the city character, my friends. Even when we don’t know ourselves we always have the city to look at, it knows what it is, beautiful chaos.

We put art inside buildings; why not let the whole world be able to see our colors, and let it hit the light of day and the street lamps of night.

Colored Bricks ~ k.l.c ( @ki-words )

[ki-words]

I wish I could be pushed past my limit. I want to be falling, so I can scream. I want to be able to show my feelings on high.

Over the edge, so then I could finally say what I've been wanting to say for several months or more.

To say the hard damn truth about how I'm feeling.

But I can't, I'm too afraid and too much of a coward to speak my mind. All of my feelings get soaked into my mattress at night and reflected off the mirror in my bathroom while sitting on the counter, and never anywhere else.

If I ever hear my feelings out loud I wouldn't be the person I want to be.

Can you push me, but please don't? ~ k.l.c ( @ki-words )

[ki-words]

Her freckles were the constellations, planets, and so much more, the things I've been looking for. The solar system's suns we're the sparkles in her irises and the black abyss of her pupils I could be lost in for days.

The freckles across her cheekbones we're the astroid belt. And if you connect the dots on her back she had all of the zodiac signs; she was all of them, she was everything.

I memorized the stars and planets and their location, learning how to travel in the endless sea of space. How to traverse these unknown planes that is the girl that is out of this world.

Space is the softest thing I have ever touched, the quiestest thing I have ever heard, and the coldest place I've been in.

She was cold as death but gentle and kind, nothing like I've felt before.

She was the girl of my dreams ~ k.l.c ( @ki-words )