magicaljarofbeans

[magicaljarofbeans]

Exhaustion and Being Stuck

The last year, as I have mentioned, has been a lot, and if nothing else it has taught me a lot and given me some interesting life experiences...

I completed a teaching degree! Then struggled to get a position.

I found a partner and fell in love! Then broke up with them after nearly 7 months.

I grew in confidence and love for the art of teaching! Then had a series of terrible experiences that has brought this confidence low.

I have learnt a lot about myself, from my strengths, abilities, and desires, to my weaknesses, struggles, and needs. But now that I am done with university, am once again single, and don't have a clue what I'm doing this year I am thoroughly stuck. As a young queer neurodivergent person the world, particularly at the moment, is not very hospitable.

[magicaljarofbeans]

It's been a while...

I created this tumblr page as a sort of commonplace book for myself last year after really getting into the idea, with the plan to continue it on for the foreseeable future. Oh but life does like to punch you in the face some times. This year has been A LOT for me, but now I think I can finally come back to this. I certainly have a lot to say... I know that life sucks sometimes, and sometimes it sucks so much that you want to curl up into a ball and hide away from everything. We just have to learn how to take care of ourselves and carve time to rest and recover, and this is what I plan to do for the next while. Take care everyone, and make sure to look after yourselves these holidays!

[magicaljarofbeans]

this speaking as a cis person. Nothing brings me more joy seeing people find gender euphoria in becoming a mediocre representation of humanity. And I mean that so genuinely. Local boy finds joy and fulfillment wearing a cargo shorts and t-shirt combo. Local girl has transitioned to look like someone's disheveled aunt, has never been happier. Local person experiences gender euphoria rocking the world's worst bowl-cut. Without a scap of irony, this shit makes me see the wonder and whimsy in just, being a human. An average, person going through their day-to-day, is a wondrous thing? That's amazing. And heteronormativity has stripped these experiences of their joy. Like you're right, wearing a basic girlypop skirt should make my heart sing. Why not? Why are these expressions lesser because they're normal? All this to say. Shoutout to all the basic bitches out there. Yes that polo shirt does make you look like a divorced golfer dad. Yes, that too is kind of a slay, now that I think of it.

[magicaljarofbeans]

if you use music to cope with anxiety, depression or to help with your ADHD (like me) reblog, I'm trying to prove a point to my teacher

[magicaljarofbeans]

I like to wheel around on a wheelie-chair to get chores done. Added benefit of positive vibes

[magicaljarofbeans]

i always see sensory avoidant autistic people talking about how their favourite foods are all plain carbs but where are the sensory seeking autistics who live on garlic and spicy foods? the ones who will eat a straight lemon and hate buttered noodles.

[magicaljarofbeans]

Ok, it's been a few days since I watched the season and I'm not quite as immediately frustrated.

@evilroachindustrial pointed out that Kyoshi Island did come before the Northern Water Tribe, my bad. Although in hindsight it's a little odd it was like that in the animated series, but I guess it makes sense for Sokka's character arc.

I think my main issues with it overall though is the written dialogue and how they shoved certain elements together without really giving any of them room to shine.

I do think that in principle Ep.3 (Omashu) would've worked. Putting the Mechanist, with Jet, and Boomi makes sense thematically, but they didn't really do it as well as they could have. Though Ep.5 (Spirited Away) was much worse (Why even bother with Wan Shi tong? And why change how Koh works? Not to mention the random trip across the fire nation in a day).

I still stand by my point that Katara and Aang weren't acted as well as the rest of the cast, but like I pointed out before, they are also the youngest cast members with the least experience.

Aang not bending any water is also an atrocity. Some of the other things I said before I still also agree with as well, such as Aang not running away, Sokka no longer being misogynistic, and Ozai's dumb tactical decision. That last one could easily be solved by simply changing it from being linked events to Ozai being like, "Well, that's only one of two battles" cut to Omashu. Because even Ba Sing Se is closer

I also forgot to add that I did like the casting, because unlike the movie, they matched with the cultures the nations represent.

Anyway, still ok to watch, but probably not worth comparing to the animated series. Just treat it as considerably better than the movie.

ATLA Live-Action Series

So.

I just finished the season, and there are some good things, and... some bad things :|

I have purposefully not engaged with what the rest of the internet think about it since it came out so keep that in mind. All I know is that it's not been well received and people hate the acting (all from other people telling me in person rather than me looking it up).

Let's start with what I consider the good bits:

Sokka is funny

Iroh is amazing as always

Zuko is pretty good, but specifically amazing with Iroh

Admiral Zhao is even more detestable

The bending looks pretty good (minus the ice sledding)

Iroh's backstory made me cry like the animated series (it's the goddamn music ok!)

The cabbage man makes an appearance

Firelord Ozai is cast and acted well

Suki is great

Ok, I think that's probably the extent of the actually good. Now for the absolute wreck that is the issues:

The removed Sokka's misogyny, a key aspect of his character development

Aang isn't running away from his duties as the Avatar (and doesn't at the start either), despite it being a key character trait he works through. However, everyone is gaslighting him into thinking he has been?

Katara and Aang are simply not acted well. They are the youngest cast members, but it's incredibly forced and not really written well to begin with.

Katara has become Gandhi. Well, is trying to be. She just keeps blurting out inspirational messages and not saying much else.

THEY CHANGED THE ORDER OF EVENTS. This doesn't have to be an issue, but it is when it's done in a way where story-lines no longer make sense. i.e. Sokka meets Suki before they go to the northern water tribe and meet Yue. Basically Sokka kinda cheated on Suki and just doesn't care. (There are several more examples of this)

Aang literally doesn't bend a single drop of water himself. As in, NOTHING (giant water monster doesn't count)

Katara and Aang don't end up getting trained at the Northern Water Tribe. Like. At all.

Katara is labelled a "Master Waterbender" and now has to train Aang???? Ummm, what?

Aang can just fly now. Glider don't glide, it fly. It woosh over continent in a single day!

That brings me to, WHAT EVEN IS TIME. Apparently going from a small village in the middle of nowhere to Roku's temple in the middle of the Fire Nation takes a day by glider (Katara and Sokka were just sleeping and weren't for long enough to worry about food or water)

Ozai is happy to sacrifice half his navy to "distract them while we take Omashu". Which is so far away from the Northern Water Tribe that the distraction wasn't needed.

It's Book 2 with Book 1's ending?????

The old people are clearly young guys with old age makeup. Apparently they can't get older guys anymore? (Except Iroh :)

Aang keeps talking to the previous Avatars but not actually getting anything out of it.

Apparently he has to be at a temple to talk to the past Avatars now.

Azula is introduced prior to the Northern Water Tribe fight

We see Ozai's face. It removes the mystery and power behind his presence

What is up with Jet? He's now a bomb placing terrorist. Not too far from accurate but still

Oh and his base sucks. Literally only like 2 meters off the ground at most.

I'm sure I have forgotten some atrocities, and there are several things that are ok that I haven't mentioned (Momo and Appa look fine) but overall, it's fine, I've watched worse shows, but it's not that great. Just watch it for Iroh.

[magicaljarofbeans]

ATLA Live-Action Series

So.

I just finished the season, and there are some good things, and... some bad things :|

I have purposefully not engaged with what the rest of the internet think about it since it came out so keep that in mind. All I know is that it's not been well received and people hate the acting (all from other people telling me in person rather than me looking it up).

Let's start with what I consider the good bits:

Sokka is funny

Iroh is amazing as always

Zuko is pretty good, but specifically amazing with Iroh

Admiral Zhao is even more detestable

The bending looks pretty good (minus the ice sledding)

Iroh's backstory made me cry like the animated series (it's the goddamn music ok!)

The cabbage man makes an appearance

Firelord Ozai is cast and acted well

Suki is great

Ok, I think that's probably the extent of the actually good. Now for the absolute wreck that is the issues:

The removed Sokka's misogyny, a key aspect of his character development

Aang isn't running away from his duties as the Avatar (and doesn't at the start either), despite it being a key character trait he works through. However, everyone is gaslighting him into thinking he has been?

Katara and Aang are simply not acted well. They are the youngest cast members, but it's incredibly forced and not really written well to begin with.

Katara has become Gandhi. Well, is trying to be. She just keeps blurting out inspirational messages and not saying much else.

THEY CHANGED THE ORDER OF EVENTS. This doesn't have to be an issue, but it is when it's done in a way where story-lines no longer make sense. i.e. Sokka meets Suki before they go to the northern water tribe and meet Yue. Basically Sokka kinda cheated on Suki and just doesn't care. (There are several more examples of this)

Aang literally doesn't bend a single drop of water himself. As in, NOTHING (giant water monster doesn't count)

Katara and Aang don't end up getting trained at the Northern Water Tribe. Like. At all.

Katara is labelled a "Master Waterbender" and now has to train Aang???? Ummm, what?

Aang can just fly now. Glider don't glide, it fly. It woosh over continent in a single day!

That brings me to, WHAT EVEN IS TIME. Apparently going from a small village in the middle of nowhere to Roku's temple in the middle of the Fire Nation takes a day by glider (Katara and Sokka were just sleeping and weren't for long enough to worry about food or water)

Ozai is happy to sacrifice half his navy to "distract them while we take Omashu". Which is so far away from the Northern Water Tribe that the distraction wasn't needed.

It's Book 2 with Book 1's ending?????

The old people are clearly young guys with old age makeup. Apparently they can't get older guys anymore? (Except Iroh :)

Aang keeps talking to the previous Avatars but not actually getting anything out of it.

Apparently he has to be at a temple to talk to the past Avatars now.

Azula is introduced prior to the Northern Water Tribe fight

We see Ozai's face. It removes the mystery and power behind his presence

What is up with Jet? He's now a bomb placing terrorist. Not too far from accurate but still

Oh and his base sucks. Literally only like 2 meters off the ground at most.

I'm sure I have forgotten some atrocities, and there are several things that are ok that I haven't mentioned (Momo and Appa look fine) but overall, it's fine, I've watched worse shows, but it's not that great. Just watch it for Iroh.

[magicaljarofbeans]

Queer Enby etc. Dating

This is yet another post about queer dating. The thing is, dating itself is difficult, when you're gay it's more so, but then if you add on being non-binary, aroace-spec, and neurodivergent how do you even start? You'd think, "Oh, dating apps! Then you know people are queer!", but let me tell you, the people on there are not it. I am not a smoker, nor do I want to be with someone who is, and that cuts out like 80% of the people on there. Additionally I get very overstimulated in loud or bright environments, so I hate concerts, busy events etc. So cut out the chronic concert goers (another 10%). Then sex isn't really my main priority... (another 5%) And so I am left with maybe 5% of the people. A smaller amount will swipe right on me, and a different group I will swipe right on, because my taste in personality/looks hadn't even been taken into consideration really yet. So maybe 0.01% are reasonable matches. Cool, start chatting, it goes well for the first chat. We have things in common, brilliant! I perhaps lead the conversation initially, and closed the conversation, so let's see if they message? Nope, nothing, nadda. I have managed to actually see 2 people so far in the last several years on the apps. One was an immediate nope. The other was cool, but friend vibes.

Ok then. So not dating apps clearly. Maybe befriend lots of people and find out who's single, queer, etc. ???? Yeah that gets weird quick. "Heyo, I know we've been friends for a year, but maybe, do you wanna go on a date?" So I guess I just wait and be open to meeting and chatting to new people and just see what happens? This is going to do my head in.

[magicaljarofbeans]

Teaching

My whole life I have wanted to be a teacher. Education is something that is soooooo important and the idea that I could help improve it in some way is exciting. Additionally, I am super passionate about music.

I was so worried that I would regret going down this route for my career, and there's certainly room for it to still be the case, but since starting my teaching degree my excitement has simply grown. Everyone else in the course are so lovely and just as keen as I am about teaching. While it's going to be stressful, I do think it'll be an amazing experience.

I can't wait to start teaching properly.

(I bet future me will read this and go "oh you poor young soul, just you wait" but we shall see)

[magicaljarofbeans]

As a 21yr old this is upsetting. I didn't even know this! Though I do have a software developer as a dad...

I have never had a chromebook, only "proper laptops" because my Dad was adamant that if you're going to get a device get a proper one, not one that can only do some things. Not to mention I grew up on PC games due to being able to use his computer when he went to work. So not even being able to use folders... my gosh

this can't be true can it

[magicaljarofbeans]

more men should get hugs i dont think we as a society hug men enough

[magicaljarofbeans]

Image originally created by @brieflycleverspoons

[magicaljarofbeans]

I have so many feelings about this. I am genuinely pissed off. Not in a, "this is a dumb video and I think they're stupid" way, in a "you've got me riled up and now I want to go change this whole goddamn system" way.

There are so many things wrong with how our world is set up. I'm pissed off at how our education system works, at how hard people have to work (or not) to live, how isolated people are from each other, how terrible people treat others, how hard it is for people to be healthy, and how car dependent we are!

I could make that list a lot longer. Something needs to change.

Additional recommended YouTube channels:

https://www.youtube.com/@NotJustBikes

https://www.youtube.com/@ClimateTown

https://www.youtube.com/@sprouts (Specifically their "Alternative Schools and Education Reform" playlist)

https://www.youtube.com/@SciGuys

https://www.youtube.com/@jessicaoutofthecloset/featured

https://www.youtube.com/@leenanorms/featured

https://www.youtube.com/@evan/featured

https://www.youtube.com/@fullychargedshow (For interesting developments in EVs)

https://www.youtube.com/@slidebean/featured

Please Reblog and add your own recommended YouTube channels or other forms of media (such as books, documentaries etc.)! I am very well aware that my personal viewing content leans to a very particular demographic so additional view points is highly encouraged!

[magicaljarofbeans]

a while ago i attended this lecture on autism. guy in the audience said he had many of the symptoms that were presented and asked what should he do to get treatment and possibly a diagnosis. instead of answering his question the psychologist went on a tangent about how “the clinic reigns all powerful over guesswork”, and how actually it has become a trend amongst little children on the internet to claim that they are autistic for cool points, and that this hurts real autistic people. no she didn’t tell him how to get his symptoms looked into, she just made it very clear that to her, aknowledging your own symptoms is bad and evil and hurts the poor real mentally ill people.

an ex-friend of mine, then a psychology major and by now probably a full psychologist, once lectured me on how horrible and bad it was that i told her “i probably have some sort of neurodivergency”, and that if i were her patient she would never give me a diagnosis because “you aren’t like this now, but i know that if you get a diagnosis you’ll use it as an excuse to start treating people badly. that’s just how mentally ill people are.”

same ex-friend was extremely disgusted when she found out that fans sometimes make neurodivergency headcanons for characters that have the same symptoms as they do, and that authors sometimes write books with neurodivergent protagonists in stories that don’t focus on that (ex: she seemed horrified that percy jackson has adhd?)

multiple psychologists i’ve seen on facebook agree that they should refuse to treat patients that say “i’m here because i have symptoms of a disorder and wonder if i have it”, and that a patient should arrive to a psychologist as a blank slate.

school psychologist asked me how i was feeling about my trauma situation and i told him i thought my friends would leave me. instead of addressing the issue he said that that no i didn’t, that i was lying, that i had searched “bpd symptoms” online and now i was faking symptoms because i wanted to have bpd, that he shouldn’t have told me he suspected i had a personality disorder because now look what was happening. no, i didn’t search bpd symptoms online. yes, my friends left me, it was a completely founded belief and not a symptom, let alone a faked symptom.

so the next time you hear someone saying they’re “anti self-diagnosis” i want you to understand what they’re saying. what they’re saying is:

- i don’t want people to be aware of their own symptoms

- i don’t think my patients should have access to any information that doesn’t come from me

- i don’t think neurodivergent people should learn how to cope with their symptoms and live “normal” lives

- i think neurodivergent people should be denied a diagnosis because the moment they get one they will become evil and dangerous

- i don’t think people who don’t look like a stereotype could possibly be neurodivergent, even if they have all the symptoms, so i think they are faking it for attention and should be denied treatment

[magicaljarofbeans]

if i see one more fucking person say ‘straight aro/ace people aren’t lgbt+’ i’m lighting you on fire

[magicaljarofbeans]

Being aro and/or ace spec is complicated and anyone who says there's only these specific categories in the community are wrong and exclusionary. Your feelings can change on the daily, and trying to pin yourself to a label and tell yourself you can only be what you deemed yourself as months or years ago is ludicrous. While finding the community you belong to is brilliant and finding labels that fit can be liberating it can also easily restrict you for no reason. Love is complicated so let's just let ourselves love in the ways we do and not judge ourselves for it! So what you labelled yourself as aroace and now have strong romantic and/or sexual feelings for someone! You didn't have any sex drive and now suddenly you do? So what! You used to occasionally get crushes and now no longer do? Cool. Your feelings around romance change every week? Epic. People change and trying to be the same person that you were is unfair to yourself and who you could become!

the day the aro community stops ignoring anyone and everyone they can't neatly package into their little boxes of 'romance favourable' and 'romance repulsed' is the day i can finally die happy