marvellyous-archive

[marvellyous-archive]

Steve: Buck, keep an eye on Sam today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Bucky: Sure, I’d love to see Sam get punched.

Steve: Buck.

Bucky: *sighs* I will stop Sam from getting punched.

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Wade, banging on the door: Petey! Open up!

Peter: Well, it all started when I was a kid...

Wade: No, I meant-

Matt: Let him finish.

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Spider-man: Is Deadpool sleeping or dead?

Daredevil: Hopefully dead, I hated their guts.

Spider-man: Yea, makes sense.

Deadpool: Okay, first off all, How dare you all-

Daredevil: Well, there goes my hope.

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Peter:  Bitches be like “I’m baby” but have childhood trauma and neglect like wtf do you know about being baby you were forced to grow up from an early age. Anyways, I’m bitches.

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Deadpool:  Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

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Peter: *in time out after doing some pranking*

Tony: Peter, what did I say about pranking people?

Peter: Don't get caught.

Stephen: *raises an eyebrow at Tony*

Tony: *laughs nervously* I never said that.

Stephen: Time out for you as well, Tony.

Tony: I'm not a kid! And I'm your boyfriend!

Stephen: And?

Tony: 

Tony: Move a bit, kid.

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Rhodey: You have to apologize to Steve.

Tony: Fine.

Tony to Steve: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

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Norman, negotiating with Tony: We have Peter. Give us ten million dollars and they will be returned to you unharmed.

Peter: Woah, wait, wait, hold up, I'm only worth ten million?

Norman:

Peter: Mr. Stark is a billionaire and you only ask for a million?!

Peter: I'm worth more than that. Make it ten BILLION-

Norman: Take him for free, Stark. Just take him.

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Wade: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

Peter: It takes a screenshot.

Matt: For the love of god, shut the fuck up.

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Peter: *getting dye of every color of the rainbow*

Tony: What are those for, kid?

Peter: Rainbow webs, Mr. Stark. 

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Sam: WHY. Why did you give Peter a KNIFE?!

Bucky: He said he felt unsafe.

Sam: Now I feel unsafe!

Bucky: I have more knives if you want.

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[ Harley and Peter sitting in jail together ]

Harley: So who should we call?

Peter: I’d call Tony, but I feel safer in jail.

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Stephen: Why are you on the floor, kid?

Peter: I’m depressed.

Peter: Also I was stabbed, can you get the first aid kit, please.

Stephen: ...I’m taking you to med bay.

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Tony: So how was your day, kids?

Morgan: We almost got surprise adopted!

Tony: What?

Peter: We almost got kidnapped.

Tony: Oh, okay. 

Tony: *slams on the breaks* YOU ALMOST GOT WHAT?!

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Loki: I don't bite, brother.

Thor: You just stab.

Loki:

Loki: I still don't bite.

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[ Team Red first time unmasking ]

Wade: What the f- yOU LOOK LIKE 12. YOU'RE A LITERAL BABY.

Peter: I'm 21 you jerk.

Wade: Matt, look at him. And tell me you don't see a fetus.

Matt: I'm looking.

Peter: ...

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Peter: I saw some birds at the park today.

Tony: Yea?

Peter: Yea. It was a hawk.

Clint: For the last time. I am not a bird!

Peter: *ignores Clint* I also saw a falcon.

Sam: Kid. I swear to god-