societymakemeinsecure

[societymakemeinsecure]

I hate being insecure but I can’t help it😭

I try to make friends online but then when they ask to video call and/or video chat I always deny it. They ask for my pictures I cover half of my face by scribbling on my pics. I tell them I can’t do it and that I really hate my voice and looks but they try and encourage me to video call them but I never do it.

So what I assume is that they will start believing that I’m a fake person and no one will trust me ever again. But the truth is I’m extremely anxious, I have no accent and my voice is horrible... I fucking hate my voice especially in videos...

There was an incidence where I tried to video chat a former online ‘friend’ and he kept telling me that my voice is cringy and that I don’t sound ‘feminine’. I just took it as a joke and laughed along but really I was hurt af because I’ve always been insecure about my voice ever since I was a kid...

I don’t feel like making friends in real life because I don’t want people to be clingy to me. I need all the alone time I could have. I feel much comfortable like that. I only stick to acquaintance. I don’t want this to go any further. I can’t tell this to the people that know me because they will assume I’m rude but this is just who I am and I hate that I can’t be myself around people...

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like what Lana said: “I wish I was dead”😣

[societymakemeinsecure]

I feel so lonely but I don’t want to make friends...

[societymakemeinsecure]

How I deal with rude criticism and discrimination:

Being a HSP, it is quite difficult but possible to control my emotions. Whenever I get hurt I always tell myself that negativity and negative people are inevitable and everyone will face these problems.

I always tell myself that God and I know myself more than anyone would and not every hurtful thing is true about you. People who bring you down is like someone telling you that *inserts your fav food* is not your fav food. Just like how you know what your fav food or music genre is, you probably know who you are and what rude things people tell you is not necessarily true. If you think you have a negative trait, you should not feel bad about it. It is ok. Everyone does. Just don’t stick to people that don’t understand you on an emotional level (because this is when criticism is most likely to occur)and get to surround yourself with people that share the same trait(s) you have so you can support each other. If the people that criticize and bring you down is your own family then the only thing you can do is TALK to them. I know it’s difficult because I’m facing this problem right now but if you can then please do that. If you can’t do this then what I do is that I have this blog where I type everything that bothers me and it really kinda helps me heal. I don’t trust my family to tell them how I’m feeling :/ but if you have a secret blog or any social media then you can share all your thoughts and feelings and then you will meet people who feel the same way you do and then you can make a support group.

I also pray. Praying and meditating really helps me calm down and makes me have a strong faith in God and it really erases all my pain away. Sometimes it takes time. But it’s worth it.

Listening to lofi, ambiance/white noise audio(rainfall, thunderstorm, river, etc)

[societymakemeinsecure]

My negative traits

Disclaimer: some of these may not sound as negative to others as I think.

•Introvert

•social anxiety

•HSP(Highly Sensitve Person)

•Stubborn

•very low self esteem

•nail biting

•peeling the skin next to my nail until it starts bleeding

•outer and inner lip biting

•bottle up my emotions until I have a massive mental breakdown

[societymakemeinsecure]

My family sucks.🙂

[societymakemeinsecure]

My sis became a fucking asshole ever since she got pregnant

Like for instance I’m talking to my mom about how I don’t like my lil sis to buy the same shoes I’m having bc I don’t want a fucking kid to copy my style like bitch this ain’t even the kids’ section -_-

Then my sis jumps into the conversation stating how ‘weird’ I am for not liking my lil sis to wear the same shoes I’m wearing and go out

LIKE BITCH LET ME BE MYSELF I DONT LIKE IT AND I KNOW MANY OTHERS THAT THINK THE SAME SO STOP FUCKING TALKING WHEN IM NOT EVEN TALKING TO YOU HOE

i stg I really started hating her ever since she got pregnant -_-

Also she’s really homophobic and transphobic that uncultered piece of shit like hello? It’s 2018 why you still hating?

I once heard her saying that she unfollowed someone just bc she was taking vids with people from the lgbt and transgenders

LMAO SHE NEEDS SOME HELP 😂

btw I feel like she thinks of me as very odd for my age bc she always compares me to other girls my age even younger than me

HOE LET ME BE MYSELF I AM NOT CHANGING BC YOU WANT ME TO 🙂

[societymakemeinsecure]

I fucking hate my little sis she’s always being a bitch to me and she a fucking brat

MY MOM CODDLED HER A LOT AND SHE STILL DOES-_-

This fucking brat is 10 and still gets coddled like a fucking cat!

I really wish if I was an only daughter or fucking dead I’m really sick of my parents listening to a 10 year old

That never learns to respect me

I can really beat her up but I’m trying to control myself 😒

[societymakemeinsecure]

I feel like I’m not gonna have a great future...

I really wish if I wasn’t born or die young bc I’m really sick of my anxiety that destructs my mood every time I’m in a social situation!😡😔😭

Everytime I am surrounded by people(example in a classroom) I always try to admire them and try to spot someone that’s quiet and barely speaks bc there’s a chance that they might have social anxiety too. I would feel a bit relieved if I ever met someone whom I can relate with☹️

[societymakemeinsecure]

[societymakemeinsecure]

I’m an 18 year old girl that feels comfortable with no makeup but society make me think otherwise....

My oldest sister always compares me to girls of my age and girls who are younger than me by mentioning that they wear makeup and I do not.She keeps asking me “when are you going to start putting on makeup? You’re going to uni...you have to start wearing makeup”.

She make me feel like makeup is a ‘must’ and ‘all girls have to wear makeup’.It really bothers me when my sister keeps on bugging me about this. It makes me feel more insecure about myself 😥.

(I do wear makeup in special occasions though) but I don’t always leave the house with makeup on.

It’s only my sister that make me insecure about makeup.

I haven’t had other people telling me to start wearing makeup(I still don’t know if people in uni will be telling me the same thing.. I hope not😭)

On the other hand

My two older brothers make me feel beautiful as they always tell me that I look naturally pretty which kinda boosts my confidence but my stupid sister keeps ruining it. I HATE HER.😠🖕🏽

[societymakemeinsecure]

My parents do not understand me🙃

They always think I’m being ‘immature’ when I refuse to make phone calls and add “If you can’t answer phone calls then how are you going to cope at uni?” which triggers my anxiety(but mostly pisses me off)😐

[societymakemeinsecure]

I need to find me a friend that doesn’t really like hanging out in public places and Is a dweeb like me... like my family goes out for dinner and I would rather stay at home. Fam goes to the mall? I stay at home.😂

I’m not lazy I just hate being in public.

I want someone that also feels like they need more of ‘alone’ time so we both be alone and understand each other. My fam thinks I’m “weird” and ask me “don’t you ever get bored?” I’m like umm nope(unless there’s no internet BUT even if there was no internet I would more likely stay at home too and play with my turtle🐢 lol )

Fml I feel very different from everyone smfh

[societymakemeinsecure]

6/2/2018, 6am

I got bullied- in real life and on the internet.

I’ve always been the quietest kid in class. I remember when mom cut my hair short and the next day I enter class, most of the students started laughing and pointing at me... chanting ‘boy!’ I was really feeling awful and started crying in front of everyone 😣

I felt embarrassed and really horrible that time... I’ve also been physically bullied once by two girls for no fucking reason: one pulling my hair the other slapping me... I was helpless that time and was just crying...

now. Every time I get flashbacks of these situations it triggers me. It angers me. No one deserves to be treated like that. Just because I’m ‘different’ doesn’t mean you have to treat me like shit... I’m a human. I deserve rights. I have feelings!!!💔

There was also that one teacher(in first grade)that always made me sit with the boys and let the other girl sit together and she was really rude to me... but I was open about that and told mom about it. She had a talk with the teacher and solved the problem.

In third grade, we had a poetry reciting competition and EVERY.SINGLE.ONE.WAS.SUPPOSED.TO.PREPARE.A.POETRY.TO.RECITE.TO.THE.WHOLE.CLASS

that was terrifying to me as I’m supposed to stand in front of the whole class. Oh well. Nothing changed... I’m still the same...you always end up doing it anyways.

Ok so when it was my turn to recite the poetry, one of the boys was like: your voice sounds like a boy’s voice... and until now, I get that insecure feeling about my voice... I don’t sound feminine at all... I sound like a little boy honestly... (I’m 18 btw)

I still love singing anyways...only when I’m alone😂

I don’t have any talent. I always wonder what my purpose in life is... I always scroll through Instagram,tumblr watch YouTube vids and see how many people are blessed with such wonderful talents. I get jealous... I envy them. Because God did not grant me any talent at all. I suck at drawing, i suck at singing, I’m not good at playing music not good at anything... I’m not exaggerating... this is just the sad truth about me...

Lets come to the the Internet part

So I decided to make people smile...cuz my life sucks yaknow...lol

I’ve downloaded an online virtual game and started messing around/trolling people (not to hurt them) just for fun..even though I get into arguments many times...ehh I’m a moody person... ok anyways, I started sharing people’s reaction from my trolling with other people that play the same game on social media and I’ve gotten some good feedback...I became a little ‘popular’... it made me happy so I continued. I’ve got really obsessed with it and wanted to be more open to my followers so I started sharing my pics and personal life shit... but haaa happiness doesn’t last hunty..

I’ve started getting hate from people That don’t even follow me... they started criticizing and bullying me for my appearance and were trying to trick me into sending them nudes just so they can blackmail me and ruin my life... (not like it is not ruined already lmao😂)

So I decided to be anonymous and deleted my account so people would stop hating me... I’ve changed my username on the game and until now people did not notice me...

I know this does not make much sense I’ve been typing this for an hour it Is almost 7am and I am supposed to go to sleep xD

[societymakemeinsecure]

5/31/2018

facts about me;-;

1- I’m an Aquarius♒️

2- I don’t have any friends...

3- I do have classmates though which I won’t be seeing them again because I’m leaving school(going to uni)and it’s not like I talk to them much or anything... I do have one person that I talk to but I don’t really trust her and she always critisizes me and hurt my feelings... I’ve told her about her hurting me but she just start doing it all over again...

I also had another friend I’ve been hanging out with in school from fifth grade but left me and joined a group of girls that lowkey don’t want her and are just being nice to her... lmfao she thinks that a ‘friend’ and a ‘classmate’ is the same thing smfh🤦🏽‍♀️what a jerk... like she didn’t even tell me why she left..(I didn’t even bother asking her cuz why would I waste my time with a fake bitch which I already wasted for 7 years)she’s also introverted and tries way too hard to become extroverted and social which makes me cringe cuz she keeps raising her voice when she talks to the group of girls lmfao they’re not even talking to her but she continues to try harder and harder xD

P.s: I’m not saying that introverts can’t be social and/or change to extroverts but I’m so sorry she can’t be extroverted if she can’t do it😂

Like if you really want to be ‘extroverted’ you DO NOT! I repeat DO NOT!! change the way you talk because I know how she speaks as she was with me for like 7 years

She usually speaks softly and is comfortable around me... but as she left... her fakeness was very clear🤮

4- I’m introverted; I have low self esteem, social anxiety. I’m neurotic, sensitive. Every time I get criticized I try not to take it to the heart but I eventually fail and go aggressive... thanks mom🙄😔

5- I have trust issues...

6- the happiest moment in my life was when a sweet fourth grader came up to me and said I looked pretty(this was the first compliment I get-excluding my parents😂)

However when that happened, the girl that criticizes me told the fourth grader “you’re joking right?”

(It lowkey triggered me when she said it but I just kept quiet )

But the girl said “no” and she looked at my school ID pic and again she said “you’re pretty”. I smiled and thanked her and also complimented her back.😊

7- I always bottle up my feelings which is why I made this blog to share everything because I realized that when I keep my feelings to myself it just distructs me... even if no one will read this I’m still doing this just to feel better.