#& yeah i'm not entirely open about myself irl

[mourningcttlfsh]

nyan cat & tac nayn!!

feel free to use these as like. matching profile pictures?? (or just profile pictures by themselves idk if people on here do the whole matching thing) but please credit me in ur bio or something

(more text under the cut, also the old versions)

i am coming out as a nyan cat lover (that kitty was so influential to my life somehow?? when i was younger i cosplayed it on roblox and played any nyan cat related game & then last year and this year it basically led me down a path to finally accepting who i am as a person?? it sounds kinda dumb here but trust me it makes sense with more context)

old versions:

these mean a lot to me because they were also made when i was struggling a lot to make art (kind of like i am rn but way worse) but i actually really liked how they turned out & it inspired me to keep trying instead of giving up

[wherebettertoescape]

Thoughts on The Outsiders Album

Okay, as I said yesterday, I have a LOT of thoughts on the album and I decided to revive this page so I stop bothering everyone IRL with my thoughts about it 😂 I figure there must be a good amount of people on tumblr who are down to listen to my rants about the album, so here goes.

I'll put it under a cut so there aren't any spoilers for anyone who hasn't listened yet, and I know there's one or two things which I've heard about the prouction via other posts and such. But I will stress that I haven't actually seen it, I've only listened to the album and obsessed over it 😂

It's also below the cut because it's fucking LOOOOONG

Please reply to this or send in your own thoughts - I have so much I want to talk about to do with this album and I'm like... shaking with the need to talk about it with people who actually want to listen 😂

(sad times living in the UK 🥲)

I'm gonna go through the album sequentially, like track by track, because that feels like the thing to do, even though I will say right off that I definitely have more thoughts about some tracks than others. And I will also give my favourite line from each song. But for a just, like, general overview to begin with - I love the album so much?

I will fully admit that I was kinda preparing myself for it to be bad - it's a book that I love and I wasn't the biggest fan of the movie adaptation for a few key reasons, but I was so pleasantly surprised by the musical soundtrack.

I'm in love with the style of music, I love the entire cast (all of them have such different singing voices and styles and I think that they merge together so beautifully), and it has most of the things that I love in a musical - for me, it's got the right balance of the talking sections included with the singing, as well, which I know some people aren't huge fans of, but I might be biased because Soda is and always has been my favourite character and most of the talking is by him 😂 (I love Jason Schmidt, but we'll talk about that later), and as well as that the style of music and singing like gives me a good picture of what the actual choreography might look like, which I'm obsessed with, since I probably won't get to see it unless it somehow gets to the West End (🤞🏻)

Tulsa '67

Okay so this song is just like ✨exposition ✨ but it's done in a fun way, and I've decided it's worth it just for the finale reprise

I was also like stupidly emotional the first time I heard it and it opened with the opening line of the book

I was wary because of the immediate characterisation of Sodapop as being the brother "with a broken heart" (side note - does this mean Sandy broke his heart before the show rather than after it? I've goes QUESTIONS) - I'll go into it again when we get into Grease Got a Hold for obvious reasons, but I was worried that Soda was gonna be reduced into just being a womaniser again, which is something that bothered me about the movie adaptation

Favourite line: "all the girls are pretty there, and all the guys are mean"

Grease Got a Hold

right so it has no right to be as much of a bop as it is, it's been stuck in my head for the past week since it came out and I can't even be mad about it 😂

It's essentially just a typical "gang" song to introduce and characterise all the different members

Dally always saying "Little brother" got me so emotional like immediately

And I know I just said that I was upset with Soda's characterisation as a womaniser, but considering later songs, I will say I do find it really funny that he basically just goes "yeah I'm a greaser bc I love women 😊"

I LOVE TWO-BIT MATTHEWS - I would die for Daryl Tofa, just something soooooo good about the line he gives after Soda's verse

I have to admit, I was a little worried that they were gonna be pushing some anti-Darry propaganda, but I had no cause to worry, as he's an actual angel. Also it's so funny how fucking Done he is the moment he starts speaking

Something really funny about Steve not getting a verse, but something really sad about Johnny not getting one, but I don't have fully fleshed out thoughts yet so I'm gonna leave that there

But also there's just something about all of them trying to act tough, but all of them just have the voices of angels

Favourite line: "I'm a latch-key kid but they keep changing the locks" and also "you wanna be a fighter? then know just what you're fighting for"

Runs in the Family

I'm upset because this song has been such an ear-worm for me, but it's actually just so sad? There are a couple of these, but this is one of the main ones for me

It immediately makes Darry just such a sympathetic character - it's well documented that Ponyboy doesn't feel like he's enough of a greaser, but I don't think we talk enough about Darry is a reluctant greaser

Side note: but I'm really glad that they included Darry having dropped out of school to look after Soda and Pony, because that was kinda glossed over in the movie, which I felt did Darry a disservice

I just want to hug Brent Comer and tell Darry that he's doing a good job and everything will be okay 🥲

Favourite line: "I don't know what them boys would ever do without me - and what would I do on my own?"

Great Expectations

honestly this song deserves a post all of it's own, and maybe one day I'll do a full analysis of it

but in the meantime, it's fucking GORGEOUS, like Brody Grant has NO RIGHT to sound like this I'm so mad

THE FUCKING HARMONIES I WANNA SCREAM THEY'RE SO GOOD

One of the things I've loved about the soundtrack in general is how Pony in particular draws parallels and comparrisons between Johnny and the other greasers - here it's between Darry and Johnny, and I love it because Pony references in the book that he feels like he and Johnny are the outsiders in the greasers, he feels like neither of them really belong there, and they convey that so well in the musical with these constant comparisons in the songs and music

The continual return back to this idea of a self-fulfilling prophechy - trying to prove that they're not all the same just because they're greasers (like with the different verses in Grease Got a Hold), and this striving for individuality despite the overarching label they've been given

Favourite line: "It's hard to write this story, when this story's writing me"

Friday at the Drive-in

they all just sound so young - that's my main take-away from this song

I love songs in musicals like this where you're forced to be reminded how young the characters are and you have to humanise them a bit more - a bit like with "Drink with Me" in Les Mis

Also anytime that a soundtrack includes the dance-break it makes me so happy 🥲

Favourite Line: "Got no more stress, nothing to worry me - no more teacher's pet or trigonometry"

I Could Talk to You All Night

I need to say that I love this song, but the opening from Cherry is so fucking savage - like fucking hell there's no need to do that to Pony 😂

Again obsessed with Pony not feeling like enough of a Greaser

I'm a sucker for two people who feel lost in their own worlds finding each other and bonding because they can be themselves in a way that they can never be around their other friends

It's just such a pretty duet, and I want more of Brody Grant and Emma Pittman singing - we could have a million songs of the two of them and it wouldn't be enough

Favourite line: "I'd rather read then fight a rumble, but Greasers have to go along"

Runs in the Family (Reprise)

Dude it's such a serious song, and I'm obsessed that despite that there's just Soda being a little shit in the background

"I'll fold your laundry - I'LL FOLD ALL OF IT"

I love that even in this song it's like you can tell he's just so worried about Pony but it's coming out so angry and frustrated

So full of grief for the life he almost had

He's just so angry at Pony for still being able to dream, and it's like he feels like he needs to prepare Pony for real life, because he feels like he can't dream or wish for things anymore

And then just the screeching violin at the end of the song followed by DEAD FUCKING SILENCE, and then it switches to the next song where Pony starts singing acapella it's just herugighadlsiughukdhjsak, y'know?

Favourite line: "Whats the use in dreaming, about a life I'll never know? That ship sailed long ago"

Far Away from Tulsa

okay so I've already said that I'm obsessed with it beginning with Brody Grant acapella, and I know that the songs probably don't flow straight from one to the other in the actual production, but for the sake of the cast recording the effect is incredible

But also, there was absolutely no need to make this song so gay 😂 - Ponyboy, the bisexual icon we all need

It's very reminiscent of Santa Fe, with just kids dreaming for a life that they could have outside of their big city. Especially with the line "this place is real, it's not just in my head", which is VERY similar to "just be real is all I'm asking, not some painting in my head", but I'm okay with it because Brody Grant is incredible

But that line, as well as the one "'Ponyboy you're just a dreamer', that's what both my brothers say" are also really great links back to the previous song with the references of him being a dreamer, and that being what sets him apart from the other Greasers

I also just wanna say that I think it's criminal that there weren't more Pony/Johnny duets. Sky Lakota-Lynch and Brody Grant own my soul

Also catch me being emotional over Johnny's dream being wanting a family - he doesn't realise that he's already got one in the gang 🥺 (I could write an essay about this and Dally's continued use of 'little brother')

OKAY ALSO OBSESSED WITH THE CIRCLE BACK TO GREAT EXPECTATIONS, AND WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW THE LYRICS CHANGE FROM

"Torn between what is and what could be. It's hard to write this story when this story's writing me"

TO

"It's all becoming clear, there's no way we're gonna find that here"

GOTTA ESCAPE TULSA TO ESCAPE THEIR FATE, SOMETHING AGAIN ABOUT SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECIES, I JUST CAN'T

Favourite line: "I'm tired of blindly watching as we're inching towards the ground"

Run Run Brother

There's so much to say about this song, but I literally can't formulate the words, so it's probably gonna be one that I come back to and properly analyse later. so in the meantime, here are my key take-aways

right from the beginning, it gives just an "oh-shit" feeling, just so much urgency and desperation

All three of them have such different singing voices and styles and the combination of the three just makes me so happy and I don't even know how to like express what I'm feeling

Back to the thing about Dally always calling Johnny (and Pony, but we're emotional about Johnny here) "brother"

the music is just so fitting - I feel like I need to be up and moving every time I hear it, like if I ran ever this would be on the playlist 😂

And I'm going insane over the echoes of what has been previously been said - the "grease isn't given it's something you earn", and "let's leave this behind, let's just get up and go" like you're FORCED to face that they are being given what they want but in a really terrible way

Favourite line: "I hate to make you go, but there ain't no other way"

Justice for Tulsa

okay so I know that this is a really important song and everything, but I will admit this is the one I tend to skip most

I will say I think this song would hit harder if they kept with the themes of police brutality that there are in the novel and movie with regards to Dally's death (going off what I've heard about the script changes from people who have seen it, I can't verify myself)

The song feels very claustrophobic, with everyone just trying to blame everyone else, which I think is really well done. Especially with the multiple voices coming in with "you know just what you did"

And it does show the bias of the world trying to blame the Greasers just by reputation alone, which is thematically nice

and also just the kinda mob mentality of the whole thing, especially at the end, with a declaration of war

Favourite line: "or we could send them back a message, take an eye for an eye"

Death's at My Door

I think I've seen somewhere that this is the opening song for the second act and I just - fucking hell, what an opener 😂 they really just wanna destroy all of us, huh?

EDIT: I've been corrected, and it's Justice for Tulsa that starts act 2 - my bad guys, I don't know where I saw otherwise. JfT starting act 2 makes soo much more sense 😂

I wanted to like reach through my headphones somehow and hug Brody Grant, like holy shit

The first time I heard it all I could think about was how much he's going to blame himself when Johnny (and Dally) do die - especially with Johnny having comforted Pony about it

And I'm just emotional about the exploration of Pony thinking of himself as a burden on everyone he loves, especially going back to what Darry says to him in Runs in the Family reprise, just confirming everything that Pony already worries about himself

Favourite line: "I don't believe in the death that you're bringing - the reason I'm living is you"

Throwing in the Towel

I just love brothers okay? This song made me want to like message all my siblings and tell them I love them

I loved that we see Pony's inner thoughts and fears about being a burden on his brothers, immediately followed by seeing Darry's own thoughts and feelings - the two of them being so similar in how they blame themselves for everything

All three of the Curtis brothers being terrified of losing anyone else

AND THIS IS THE SODA CHARACTER REDEPTION I NEEDED - he becomes more than just the womaniser, you can see him having like actual thought and feelings, and the amount of emotion in Jason Schmidt's voice as he's trying to reassure Darry, like this song and Soda's letter gets across everything that makes Soda my favourite character

And there's something to be said about how they're finally like communicating their emotions 😂

Favourite line: "I know your head is full of doubt, but brother that's what love is all about"

Soda's Letter

Musical letters my beloved ❤️

I love songs like these - they're always just so vulnerable

It links to Tulsa '67 Reprise with the reference to how Soda kinda keeps the family all together. This song you can like see the strain that it has on him, trying to keep the brothers who he loves so much together, by trying to tell Pony that Darry does love him even though he shows it in a very different way

also anyone who has seen it and made it this far in the post can you tell me whether they keep in the bit about Pony reading this really heartfelt letter only to go "Soda's so dumb he can't fucking spell" because it's all I could think about when I listened to it for the first time

Favourite line: "Your brother needs you just as much as you need him, and brother we ain't doing to good alone"

Hoods Turned Heroes

The triumphant return of my beloved Two-Bit, and he's doing some king shit

I love him, okay?

This is another song where I know it's really important, but I actually don't have much to say about it, other than I do really enjoy it

Favourite line: "It's time to celebrate Greasers, take pride in the Greaser name"

Hopeless War

I love that it's just Cherry begging Pony not to change, and hoping that he's still an outsider of the Greasers like she is for the Socs, a hope that the two of them are still kindred spirits even after everything that happened

She knows that the rumble is gonna be where Pony loses that last bit of dreamer in him because he's holding just so much anger at the world - I dunno, there's something there I'm sure 😂

it's such a smooth transition into "Trouble" and I wanna SCREAM it's so good

Favourite line: "even if you win, it doesn't change a thing"

Trouble

It feels like a war chant or something

The music is just so agitated

It's like Run Run Brother where I feel the need to be up and moving

Favourite line: "Do it for Johnny, even the scores, time to rally the crew"

Little Brother

I get chills every time I listen to it

Something about Joshua Boone's voice guys, I don't even know like how someone goes about beginning to talk about it, but whoever takes over as Dally has got some big shoes to fill

It's a lament to Johnny, and I feel like I listen to it and I feel the same anger and indignation that Dally feels

It's a song where I listen to it and I know, even without having seen the production, how I'd stage it and that always makes me excited

The longer the song goes on, the more uneasy you feel listening to it

It links him and Darry together again, with how he blames himself for everything that happened to his little brother, he feels like he should have been able to protect Johnny, the way that Darry always tries to protect Ponyboy

The final tempo increase and the discordant violin at the end, and it feels like even just listening to it you're watching him fall into a grief-led madness, and his certainty that there's only one way that his story can end

Favourite line: "They can't take anymore from me - if I ain't got you, then I ain't got nothing else"

Stay Gold

It feels somehow criminal to put these songs next to each other, but I mean obviously they have to be - that's how they want you to feel, but it doesn't mean that I'm not mad about it

I've listened to it like a million times and it still brings me to tears every now and then

There's something about having the hopelessness of "Little Brother", with Dally bring so apologetic at having failed Johny, followed by Johnny asking Pony to tell him that there's still good in the world

Just how much everyone in this story needs each other and they don't realise that the others need them too, yknow?

Johnny being Dally's "gold" - a lot to say about that but yknow, this is already long as fuck

The simplicity of the music itself (same as with Soda's letter - makes them thematically the same blah blah blah with them both being letters and all that), but it makes the song much more vulnerable than some of the others - nothing for Sky Lakota-Lynch to hide behind

Also that line: "I have looked into a thankful father's eyes, telling me I've saved his daughters life", and how that links to what Johnny says in the book about the little girl's life being worth more than his - I dunno, it just got me emotional, okay?

Favourite line: "I hold on to the good 'cause I've made my peace with all the bad" and also "It's easy to forget when you're trying just to make it through"

Tulsa '67 Reprise

WE MADE IT BOYS (seriously though, for real, if you made it this far, thanks for reading through my descent into madness 😂 and please send your own thoughts and such, bc I'm desperate to hear other people's thoughts)

I said it at the beginning, but I think the reprise of this song makes the exposition at the beginning worth it

At the beginning we hear Ponyboy as a dreamer, and at the end he still has that, but rather than idolising and making everything spectacular, he sees beauty in the mundane - he sees it in his brothers, his friends, all of that

The call backs to the original song as well, which allow us to go back to the theme of looking at individuality - the Greasers wanting to be seen as more than just characatures, and by the end they are like fully-fleshed out people rather than just the basic stock figures we initially get them introduced as in Grease Got a Hold

The clearest examples are, of course, Darry and Soda

Darry goes from being "could have been a football star, people say he had a ticket out" to instead being "the toughest guy I've ever known"

Soda goes from "suffers from a broken heart" to "this family's life and soul"

and then it goes from "got no parents, we fend for ourselves" to "can you imagine how proud mum and dad would be"

just something so beautiful about that, I dunno

There's more I could say about the themes of brotherhood and individuality ("grease as their disguise", for example), but I'll spare it for now

Favourite line: "Just too damn good for growing old, and in his memory I stay gold"

(finally - if you've stuck around to the end, I've also recently set up an instagram account, just for me, so please also check that out if you wanna hear more about my thoughts about random musicals and stuff!)

Freddie 🐸 (Instagram)

[praazlwurm]

Giratina's Temple and the Celestica Ruins

aka Giratina/platinum clan theory is back (also sorry for using mspaint lmao)

So we all know about the Shrouded Ruins, yeah?

(This is the only spoiler warning for Pokemon Legends: Arceus you're gonna get)

Spooky. Ever-cloaked in mists and mystery, surrounded by black-stoned cairns like graves and home to the giant Odd Keystone that once (?) housed 108 souls. Very ghost-centric.

Well what if I told you it was a temple?

Greco-roman temples (and, problematic or otherwise the celestica are absolutely greco-roman coded) are constructed relatively uniformly, with an outer later of columns holding up the roof and an inner layer holding up an internal structure, providing additional support, ect.

We have a perfect in-game model to project from, too, in the Temple of Sinnoh (pre-explosion). You can see that some of the smaller columns are sometimes decorative - likely they held up torches or, in the case of the two nearest the 'altar,' offerings

So knowing that style and having the remaining structures we do see in-game, we can approximate a lay out of what the building may have looked like.

What makes this a temple, however, is more open to interpretation. My evidence to support that it is is actually the blue-tinged pedestals seen within the outline of the building - the place(s) of honor in any temple. Irl, the inner structure - the cella - was often fully-walled in, though sometimes this was constructed via wood and other materials that don't withstand time.

Now, ENORMOUS shout-out to pokemaniacchris and the incredible Crimson Mirelands Archeological Survey Project for a really detailed, in-character breakdown of the ruins structures throughout the mirelands. I can only assume the 'surveyors' hadn't reached Mt. Coronet yet in their explorations.

Pedestals like these (at least superficially similar) are found beneath dozens of statues around Mt. Coronet, including beneath Giratina, Palkia and Dialga in the Sacred Plaza area. Now, I know I'm supposed to be claiming that this is a temple to Giratina, but if we work on the assumption that the four pedestals corollate with Giratina, Palkia, Dialga, and Arceus, a new conclusion can, perhaps, be drawn:

That whoever built this temple saw all four of them on the same 'level' of power or -- and this is my hc taking over -- if the statues were placed in a certain orientation (see below) that they saw Arceus and Giratina on equal footing, with Dialga and Palkia one rank below.

And there is, imo, more evidence to support this disruption of the 'creation trio' into two pairs on equal footing, found in the Celestica Ruins! So, among the structures there are two notable, circular buildings that the Greeks also utilized, called tholoi (plural). Irl, tholoi were a mix of secular-use and small-scale temples, and seeing as these two are small (maybe 10ft across inside?) I would maintain the claim that they're small temples.

And they align/mirror each other just as the statues of Palkia and Dialga do.

This part becomes pure conjecture, but I like to think the smaller structures in the ruins might be other small-scale temples for the various mythicals, honoring each much as the Greeks honored a pantheon.

Lastly, the CMASP describes the "Gapejaw Bog Complex" as being potentially an entire agora all its own and I can't agree more. Such evidence would support the idea of there being two groups of Celestica (Note: Not the Clans.)

I actually found myself wondering if the mirelands weren't always quite so swampy, and instead flooded at some point in the past with the depressions around Gapejaw - left by housing foundations - filled in with swamp water.

At the end of the day, I think there's a lot of evidence that the Celestica revered Giratina as well as Arceus, Dialga and Palkia - at least early on. Something happened to cause this schism, and the Old Verses/Plate inscriptions point to an outburst of rage from Giratina -- though, in "pick a god (and pray)" I actually argue it was mispercieved on the part of the Celestica and this misperception is what caused Arceus to despair and withdraw.

Open to discussion!! fellow nerds please interact!!

[mel-loly]

LITERALLY THO-

⚠️TW⚠️: Big (but also very important) Text

I FULLY AGREE WITH THIS MEME, THIS IS LITERALLY MY ENTIRE BLOG!😅

And I have explanations for why they are ��“similar”” to me:

Mel Creator has the same personality type/likes-tastes as me and I also have ALMOST the same clothes as him irl. The only thing that changes is that he is an adult, his sexuality, gender and a bit of his appearance, but the rest is literally me (that's why I use him a lot to answer asks).

And Mel-Loly is literally me in my dreams, like- I made him based on what I wanted to be (if possible): with strong self-esteem (KINDA) always, don't blame himself so much and know how to act rationally, good leadership, able to “put things in place” even when everything is going all wrong, being tall, having a beautiful marriage, a son/daughter, lots of scars, wings, and yeah.. He is literally “me” of my dreams.

And certainly, if I (Melissa, Mel Designer) died(like, being very serious), they both would go with me too.. Because the characters are literally based on how I feel, live, my dreams, events, and literally everything, is based on me(especially Mel Creator). So much so that both of them were once “me”, like at the beginning of the blog, Mel-Loly was me, until a while ago I changed to Mel Creator(that's why the "Creator" at the end of the name, because it was supposed to be called me/Melissa, the creator of the blog, but now I'm just the designer, he's the one who "commands" the rest), and now I draw myself based on reality, and not on something “fictional”.

This is also one of the reasons why I revealed my real name, because I saw that there were already two characters with the name “Mel”, and so as not to confuse people even more, I decided to reveal it, because this way, it's a little easier to “differentiate”. Obviously, like I said, they are literally based on me, so it would be REALLY HARD to tell who is who if it weren't for their appearance(that, in fact, I changed Mel Creator in terms of “color” because of that too, because of the confusion it was causing of the names and etc, but mainly because I really like dark-skinned characters and, yeah..😅) and some name changes, and even with these differences, there are still confusions, so I kind of came to a conclusion that.. I don't care anymore if you guys confuse me with them, or if you think we're the same, because I understand you, and I also find it funny the idea of you thinking that, like- like this meme, It's funny to me that people think this, that we are the same/the same person just in different universes, because on one hand, it's a "half" fact, so.. Yeah-

Thank you, Tsu, for the meme and the ask, I thought it was good that you did this because it gave me an opening to talk about this subject and let you guys now know that this meme is “half” a fact and I'm fine with people calling (or just joking) me, Mel Creator and Mel-Loly the same person :] because before I had problems and even got irritated by it, but today I really don't care anymore, and like, I even like it and think the idea is funny/cool! So much so that I'm going to make an art of myself with them to post ^^💛

Thanks again for the ask/meme and hope you...

[fangirltothefullest]

Saw your post about the fandom, and wanted to stop by and say hi! It actually was nice to see that pop up on my dash, cause a lot of people are getting really negative about the waits, and I've seen it get kinda nasty. So seeing you be so genuine about enjoying it is really nice to see. I'm always open to talk about Sanders Sides, though, it's still one of my favorite things even after all this time.

ME TOO! I love it so much and I think... well as a Content Creator myself, I know how hard these past few years have been for me and I am not surprised at all that it's been hard for him and his team so I can be impatient and want more content but also... I can't be mad. A little peak into my brain coming and I apologize if that wasn't what you were looking for but-

I had to close commissions and my own patreon because I had to get a job that could actually support me, and had a TON of personal stuff happened to me and my family IRL that affected a lot of my online presence.

As a consequence I don't post art NEARLY as much as I used to and I found myself feeling EXTREMELY upset about it. I used to even livestream art, can you believe it? 8U

And I sat there worrying I'd never post art again because of the burnout and stress..... and I thought everyone who liked my stuff may leave. Because that's happened before- I was a product, a machine to pump out free stuff for people to enjoy, and when the product stopped coming, people just left. That's SO hard to face as a creator, ESPECIALLY when you are trying to GENUINELY provide your art and works pretty much for free and you're already going through traumatic stuff IRL behind the screen.

To see people getting SO angry with the content that HAS been provided hurts me more than the wait and it's not because I put the man on a pedestal it's because I humanized him. I had a shit few years and so did he. Would it have been nice for him to be like 'hey I need to go on a break for a while I'm sorry', hell yeah but I didn't either. I posted every so often about Going Through It and kicking myself privately because I could barely sketch on paper, much less muster the courage to do a digital piece, but I didn't tell people wehat I was going through until later and even then a lot of my life is private and I haven't disclosed stuff because... it's personal, it's private. Online space isn't supposed to be privy to all my secrets and stuff you know?

So when I see people nitpicking the plushie episode because it's also doubled as an ad for the toys, I want to growl and bite and hiss because it's STILL an episode with an actual PLOT; it's not like the crofters ads. FWSA, the cartoon one, is a 24 minute ASIDES video and was LITERALLY given to us during Covid when EVERYTHING ELSE was shut down. Have I Grown is an hilarious video that also somewhat recaps but less episode recap and more personal sides recaps- seeing how their current mental state is. The Wes Anderson one is literally a Season Recap episode. We got a fucking Janus Cover of an OtGW song and they're all in their casual clothes and that song is about pretending everything is ok just for a littler while and it's STILL technically plot related. WTIT is a fucking ASIDES video that's 28 minutes long AND HAS PLOT! AND THE CANON CONFIRMATION OF THE SUSPECTED ORANGE SIDE!!! Incorrect Quotes was a way for us to see them being silly and lighthearted and so is The Sides Need A Nice Day!

I just- that's a lot more content than I think people realize. Yes he has a full team but that doesn't stop the stress or the burnout, especially when half your fanbase is saying how terrible you're being not being faster.

Not to mention the bloopers and the Gavin Sides and the entire episodes of Roleslaying AND a cartoon therapy have all come out AND he was part of a few song collabs too.

I just.... I can't imagine going through the stresses I went through and how much it would hurt me to provide that much stuff and still have people angry. Do you know how much I've done since Covid? Not nearly as much in terms of BIG PROJECTS.

Sorry if this came off as a rant, I'm just so passionate about this show that I love to much! >//<

[spitblaze]

Tumblr fucking sucks ass and I'm not joking. I think I might hate this place actually. I hate the shitty circular queer discourse that ALWAYS assumes malice or disgust and nobody is given the benefit of the doubt and if they do are also presumed guilty, I hate that every single statement needs to be couched in qualifiers and conditions and speaking on One Topic about One Group is not fucking allowed, I hate that this website has built a transphobic surveillance culture around itself, I hate that people will see ONE POST that sucks and spend the next several months publicly ruminating over it and extending the discourse long after it's run its course and assuming the worst about everyone involved, I hate that seven out of ten posts about feminism are made by the terfs who run rampant on this site and have nothing better to do than spew vitriol and hate because they don't care to develop the emotional maturity to see anything from a point of view other than their own, I hate that the moment a transgender person dares to have sexual wants and desires outside of the vanilla ideal you’re a freak and a deviant and a pedophile somehow, I hate that for SO LONG we let depressed anti-recovery teenagers dominate the attitude regarding mental health and self-improvement here and it has had lasting effects TO THIS DAY, I hate that as the internet has gotten meaner and crueller and less accommodating that the place that loves to pat itself on the back for its openness and tolerance has 100000% followed suit, I hate that every single fucking topic is dominated by overconfident white shutins who do not talk to other people irl let alone queer ones, I hate how every interesting and important topic of social justice is co-opted and bastardized into an unrecognizable cudgel that only further enforces the status quo rather than challenging it as they're meant to, I hate how often the gender binary is re-invented and deviations from it are punished, I hate that we love to say shit like 'be cringe be free uwu' but the second a member of the cringe queers du jour makes something twee or says something stupid everyone jumps on the dogpile to talk about how that entire group should be prevented from speaking or making art or associating with REAL queers, I hate that making points about double standards and discrimination always involves using people we should be in solidarity with as a gotcha if not throwing them directly under the bus, I hate that for all the talk about engagement with fandom we have nobody ever decides to actually examine their engagement thereof and how so much of it is still a cesspool to this day, I hate how everyone makes such huge generalizations and expects everyone to agree (guilty but I'm pissed), I hate how people take fucking everything personally (including myself), I hate that people are going to read this and get mad at me because everyone here has worse reading comprehension than the average fifth grader, I hate that people cannot self-express without other people getting indignant because they didn't see themselves in it, I hate that the only other regularly inhabited parts of the internet anymore are fifty times worse about ALL of this, I hate how much of a fucking nightmare for my mental health this has become, I hate that people are probably gonna give me sarcastic or smug 'yeah you should probably just log off king's in the comments or to me personally, I hate how much of this I personally am guilty of, and I especially hate that I'm still fucking here.

[confessions-official]

my friend came out as a trans woman like a few years ago during the pandemic and i've never found the right time and place to express this to her and like idk maybe i won't (verbally) but. her transition is really one of the things that has made me proudest and happiest for anyone i know, sometimes she struggles with feeling dissatisfied with her looks or her life in general and attributes it to being trans and i 100% understand that there are structural issues that play into that but it always takes me aback a little bit because i had never seen her so beautiful, happy, and full of life as she has been these past few years. it's like finally getting to know her deeply. within our friend group, she was always the most cold and withdrawn and sometimes would even go quiet and shut down entirely when we hung out and the rest of us were honestly concerned for her when it happened. when she came out we all thought maybe that's what was eating at her all along and personally it has been such relief and joy seeing her open up, share more of her interests, of her humor, of her sense of style, her intelligence and sensitivity and personality overall. tbh i'm not a sappy or affectionate person irl so idk how to convey this to her and she isn't especially affectionate with anyone but her gf either so maybe it's ok to keep it to myself and express it in other ways, but i guess i just wanted to share this because it's a strong feeling that hits me for time to time.

i guess it's also worth saying that, if you are worried about coming out to your friends and how they may react: yeah, they may not react well, or it could be the catalyst to you forming a deeper and more comfortable relationship with them. and you won't know unless you are true to yourself. i'm cis and don't want to patronize at all, though, just share my own experience of what it's like to have a friend come out as trans.

 

[boysbeloving]

BL People I Desire Carnally

tagged by the sweet @toxicrevolver and the lovely @i-got-the-feels

*cracks knuckles* aight we got a game that speaks to my cunt heart...y'all can tap out any time if it gets too carnal for y'all to read hhheeeeheee

(warning: i'm gonna start off STRONG and then it'll get mellow)

Kinn Anakinn Theerapanyakul from KinnPorsche the Series

just full naming him makes me THROB and the man looks like THIS...i want him to just pull his dick out of the zipper when he's wearing his ombre suit and fuck me silly <3 i want his nipple shadow to shelter me from the sweltering heat, i want to sleep with my face buried in his armpit and i want to smell his pubes after he's had a long day at mafia, i want to lick his happy trail and kiss his nose mole

okay i think the weak-hearted must have tapped out by now lol.....the rest of you, let's continue

2. Jeng from Step by Step

OKAY THIS MAN IS A MATTRESS AND A BLANKET AT THE SAME TIME COZ HE'S SO FUCKING BROAD....i'd love to be on him, i'd love him on me and one thing i do desire is to ride his thigh...i think that'd be fun (thigh riders please confirm)

3. Khun Yai from I Feel You Linger in the Air

OMFG THIS TOOK ME BY SURPRISE ISTG but also not so surprised...if you give me a soft, tender, understanding (and a bit oppressed but trying his hardest) man in (relative) power with an awesome bod AND AN EYEBROW SCAR then what do you expect from me...WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM ME.....you know when you're young you think you'd 'make love' and not just 'fuck' coz one of them is on a superior ground? ya....maybe it'll be making love with khun yai coz it just be like that sometimes??? anyway i would like to be in his lap while he's on his knees thrusting into me softly (and maybe not so softly) with his laboured breath lingering on my lips

4. Lian from Cutie Pie

eyebrows....he's one of the eyebrows people so yeah....gonna lick them :)) i want that tongue inside my mouth and other places...also, he's insatiable and i love that...keep it hard, boy! ngl i want the entire sex scene from the series for myself...thanks

5. Payu from Love in the Air

oh man this is one bad boy i wouldn't mind inside me...also that half ponytail earns him SO MANY BONUS SLUTTY POINTS....i'd fuck him just for that hairdo lol....BUT! he's also got the upperlip mole going for him and the cheek scar (it doesn't help that he's a dork irl and i simply adore him)

6. Togawa from Old-fashioned Cupcake

OH I COULD USE HIS THUMB AND OTHER BODY PARTS IN MY MOUTH....if he indulges me with an anti-aging routine where we go on dessert dates and spend peaceful time together then he's absolutely allowed to be a total freak in bed (which i know he is...he just is)

7. Kurosawa from Cherry Magic

he is so understanding and loves so deeply and quietly and is so sincere and i KNOW he would fuck with the same sincerity and intensity..i think it would those cuddles + fucks kinda thing? but yeah, he makes me feel warm

8. Sky from Love in the Air

OKAY THIS BOY I WANNA PEG BIG TIME..i want to feel him squirm under me as i hit his sweet spots, i wanna watch his face as i jerk him off and he's not allowed to touch himself, i want to her his gasps when he comes....i want this lovely bottom in my life i'd treat him so well istg

9. Ida from My Love Mix-up

again, i think it's the sincerity along with those sharp features that do it for me....he's open, straight-forward, willing and takes action.....he'd take sex very seriously imo lolololol....would have to tell him that it's okay to chill hehheehhe

10. Sean from Not Me the Series

there's something so raw and gritty about him...i would love to bite him a bit coz that's exactly what you're supposed to do to him...i think i'd like him doggy style and more than anything else i want him to fall asleep on my boob

this is not an exhaustive list lolololol but here are 10 boys at least hhehehhee

no pressure tags: @guzhu-furen @smittenskitten @aana210 @wildestflower9 @baby-droll and anyone else who wants to do this!

i formally tag @imminentinertia in this as well 💚💚💚💚💚💚

[s33th1ngg]

Scream Queens irl sorority email

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.

I'm not fucking kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

[misfitclassismyfreetherapy]

Mairuma Incorrect Quotes #2

.

.

.

~

Dark humor again. Woooh.

⚠️ Also this post might contain triggering topics such as smoking, juuling and more. ⚠️

Mairuma Incorrect Quotes #1

Agares: You know if cats slept for an entire day, people will find them adorable and cute. But if I do it "I have mental health issues" and "I need help"? Seems quite unfair.

Kerori: Agares Picero. You slept for three straight days with no eating, skipping three days of school, not even communicating with us. You gave Gaap a heart attack-

Agares: I suddenly lost my ability to hear shit.

Kerori: You bitc-

Mairuma Incorrect Quotes #2

Purson: Okay what happened with Jazz-kun and Lied-kun because I heard screaming beforehand and then when I came into the room they were cuddling and sleeping with eachother.

Iruma: Oh, Jazz-kun found a JUUL in Lied-kun bag and got mad and then Lied-kun called him a hypocrite because he also smok-

Purson : To make a long story short..?

Iruma: They fought and then one of them cried then comforted eachother while joking about their trauma.

Purson: It was wholesome until you added the last detail. Why?-

Mairuma Incorrect Quotes #3

Agares: This cup of coffee represents my love for myself.

Gaap: Agares-dono...it's empty..

Agares: Exactly.

Kerori: Okay, who thought you dark humor? I- Wait ...*turns her head to Lied*

Lied: *sweating while pretending not to hear*

Mairuma Incorrect Quotes #4

Iruma: Hey, Azz-kun do you think I look fat?

Asmodeus: ..Why?

Iruma: I'm sorry I just..

Asmodeus: No, why would people be so stupidly blind to not see your elusive beauty? Damn demon these days..

Iruma: * raises his eyebrows then quickly smiled*

Meanwhile..

Kerori: Imagine saying you're not depressed but your favourite song is "Look who's inside again."

Agares: Is this because I didn't follow your devi-account yet? I'm sorry that I don't like to follow akudols that I don't like.

Kerori: I hate you.

Agares: Glad the feelings mutual.

⭐Kerori and Agares is totally not inspired by my friendship with my friend irl. Nope definitely not.⭐

Mairuma Incorrect Quotes #5

Kalego: Okay you brats,what the fuck do you do when you want to call for emotional support?

Misfit Class: Oh we're fine, how are you?

Kalego: No, just no. I'm literally gonna fucking kill your therapist at this point.

Dantelion who just went to annoy Kalego: ...

UPDATED!

Mairuma Incorrect Quotes #6

Lied: What the devi? Hey, Agares what are you doing in the middle of the nig-

Agares: Do you know that there is over in lover.

Lied: Uh-

Agares: and end in friend.

Lied: UH-

Agares: and good in goodbye.

Lied: Isn't that kind of dark- anyways please go to sleep it's one o' clock in the morning.

Agares: Says your gaming addiction.

Lied: Says your coffee addiction.

Agares: Says-

Purson who can't sleep because of them: OH MY DEVI, WE'RE TRYING TO SLEEP! WE"LL DEAL WITH YOUR DEPRESSING BULLSHIT TOMMOROW. GO TO SLEEP YOU LITTLE SHITS! YOU"RE LUCKY I CARE ABOUT YOU OR ELSE I WOULD'VE BEATEN THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!

Claire's note:

Two hc I have showcase in this incorrect quote.

Uno, the Misfit Class sometimes sleepover at the royal one as a way of bonding.

Dos, Purson is a real bitch when he doesn't get any sleep.

.

.

ENDING

My content is turning into dog-shit ain't it? Yeah, yeah it is. Btw I'm thinking of making a misfit class hamilton play in my fanfic. The demons starring the schuyler sisters.

Lied- Angelica

Iruma- Eliza

Agares- Peggy

Them three because them crossdressing is my literal sanity.

What do you think? My hand tells me no but my brain is telling me yes. I still don't know who should be hamilton though, I'm open to suggestions. Anyways I wish you a good day or night! See ya guys, gals and non-binary pals!

[azucar-skull]

Wanna hear about a ROTTMNT nightmare I had a few months ago?

Of course you do, you freak-- /j

So preface, I have nightmare disorder. I was born with it actually, giving me the vivid variant. Which means that if I'm not careful, I could wake up with severe side effects like migraine and nausea and disorientation that all last for the entire day. It also means that I have been dealing with nightmares since I was a child, and you can think of me as a "skilled master" if you will.

I enter the dream in the midst of the apocalypse as Casey Jones Jr, in his teens. I have my own bedroom though there is not much too it and I am sprawled out on my dinky bunker bed drooling away as I sleep.

When suddenly alarms start blaring from outside. I tumble out of bed and jump into whatever pants and t-shirt I could find (I slept in boxers apparently) before putting on my boots as I stumble to the door to assess what was going on.

The second I open the door, the door is slammed back into my face. A voice shouting from the other side.

"WE ARE IN LOCKDOWN, YOU HEAR ME?! YOU KEEP THAT DOOR SHUT. DON'T COME OUT OF YOUR ROOM!"

A voice, for some dream logic reason, I recognized as Usagi’s.

And IRL me was like "nah fuck that, I'm bored, lemme see what this dream has here".

And so I venture out, grabbing my chainsaw staff.

To my right is a dead end.

To my left...

I hear screaming. Then a severed head flies out from the corner and slams into the wall. It was Usagi’s.

I had no choice but to move forward.

I peer around the corner, trying to avoid looking at the head. And there I saw Donnie’s lab. The doors bursted open. Mikey and April stand outside before some weird pink slimy tentacles draw them in, screeching and hissing.

Immediately, I assume Donnie has been turned Kraang some how. So I decided to dip out of there and find something else. IRL me was thinking about maybe going to the armory or drawing the monster outside where I'd have a bigger playing field. Tight spaces fuck up my head a lot, I need room in my dreams to breathe.

I duck past the doors quickly without getting caught and continue hurrying down the hall.

There I see a smudged trail of blood. I follow it, a bit curious. The blood led to Master Leonardo. His legs were gone, torn. He was crawling dragging himself across the floor.

I run up to him, ready to shout his name when he notices me and presses a finger against his lips. Then his eyes dart behind me.

IRL me just sighed internally and mentally prepared myself for whatever kind of fuckery was behind my back.

I turn around...

And there was Donnie.

Just a normal Donnie. In his future form with the fancy visor and lab coat and all. His eyes were pleading.

He smiles, walking forward.

"Casey. Casey, it's me."

I glance back at Leo, he looked outright terrified.

"It's me, it's Donnie. Your uncle Donnie." His smile widens.

He steps closer and closer. Closer still.

"Don't you trust me?"

Now. Remember how I am a "skilled master" of dreams? Yeah. I can also detect who is good or bad by a gut feeling I get. This is an IRL thing too, idk what it is but I am able to just...know when someone is bad. And in my dreams, it's like all my senses are going haywire tenfold.

And Donnie. Did not pass the vibe check.

"NOPE.", I said, slashing my chainsaw staff into his face.

And then I woke up. =)

[johnslittlespoon]

fic/general updates bc i've been so quiet here, feel free to mute my yapping tag if ur just here for the brainrot posts idm one bit <3

dog coded fic ch4 is like 1/3rd done but it's a heavy one so it's taking me a bit aaa bear with me

I MADE MY FIC TAG SO SEXY i added moodboards to every single one. was this entirely self indulgent and unnecessary and an act of unintentional procrastination? yes. did it bring me joy while writing angst? also yes so

i have like 50 asks waiting for me again and I'VE READ THEM ALL OKAY and i've been losing my mind over them oh my god special mention to the anon leaving brainrot for my curtbuckbucky club au... you don't understand what you've done to me. i've almost opened a new doc so many times. i have Thoughts about what you've said and i will voice them and get back to as many other asks as i can soon!! just need an evening to lock in and sit down and reply, and there are so many fun prompt reqs to write too <3

i feel so fucking bad– i have not responded to ao3 comments or comments on my fics etc here for over a month and i reread them all so often and never want to seem like idc bc i DO they mean everything to me, literally the reason i stay motivated to write 😭💗 so i need to also sit down and go thru and reply to all of them, i just get overwhelmed by the love and sit there smiling like an idiot and then i feel the imposter syndrome and tell myself i'll reply later and the cycle repeats JDSGK <3

this week's gonna be pretty busy for me so i might still be a bit quiet, but after that i'm hoping i can get back to more regular brainrot in between writing my fic >:) me treating this like a job HSDGKJ jk i have so much fun here i rly do miss yapping all day :') anyway i think that's all, been making some edits too but i keep getting sidetracked before i finish them and i rly should be focusing on yad(iym) regardless smh! justice for pining bucky fr. but yeah if i'm ever not posting as much, just assume i'm either busy irl or focussing my energy on fic writing bc i'm so serious when i say every minute that i'm not busy irl is spent on these stupid men i'm literally plagued with thoughts of them 24/7 fml

[monorayjak]

I... it's getting hard to live like this. Hiding who I am to so many people. It hurts. I wrote a thing earlier today and I felt I summed up the feeling pretty well I think, reworded a bit to sound better:

"It feels like torturous self harm to be fully aware of who I am and yet imprison myself in a fortress of a false identity that's slowly caving in around me."

What I'm getting at here... I think... I think it might be time for me to come out to some people...and I really need some advice.

As of now, only four people IRL know about me, that's my therapist, my cousin (who was genuinely more like a sister to me), a friend at college (I knew they were extremely supportive and they had no connection to other people I know, so it seemed like a safe bet to tell her (I was right)), a friend I interacted with occasionally in high school who has since come out as trans herself (actually what got me to message her, saw her online and wanted to ask so I didn't misgender her or anything, and we got talking and I quickly realized she'd understand.)

At the moment, I'm still living with my mom, which is fine, I know she'll support me in her own way (she's queer herself, she has internalized issues, but she tries). I know my university I go to, despite having once been a "christian college," have opened up and been supportive of most of the students who do come out in one way or another. I know at least a few of the professors there who are absolutely trying to be supportive to everyone to the best of their abilities. My therapist knows, as mentioned before, but he is also... well, he ain't exactly a pro with gender and sexuality stuff (still a good guy, he just messes up what he's talking about here and there, like using masculine pronouns when he talks about a transwoman (largely I think its because he usually talks about them when they first started transitioning, and I don't think he thinks about gendering them correctly in reference to them coming out... if that makes any sense).

The issues... well, for one, I live in the bible belt. My extended family (who we are finally trying to cut ourselves off from now that the only think holding us together (my grandmother) is gone) lives all around me and the majority of them are.........well lets just say they really don't like my mom being gay, and one of them bullied a kid he was fostering because, in his words, "the kid's a fucking sissy!" Yeah... not a fan of that uncle. (In related news I am genuinely afraid of that man because he is very fucking clearly not mentally stable and has talked about killing himself and others before (while preaching at church!) and he is... really aggressive and has access to guns) I'm too poor to even consider leaving the state, and with... well frankly I'm a bit of a fuckup who really can't live on their own... yeah... fun times. Insurance may cover parts of things, but... honestly I don't even fucking know. Like I said, I know my mom will try to support me, but she is also... well, how do I say this? She tends to not know how to react to stuff. A large reason I don't talk about stuff with her is that she has a habit of turning it around into something about herself (not in a manipulative way, mind you. I just think she doesn't realize why it feels bad to tell her something like this and then have her break down a bit because I didn't tell her sooner or because she didn't work it out herself or anything like that). Basically, if I tell her, its either going to go one of two ways.

She reacts negatively and turns it around about herself and takes the moment to be hurt she didn't work things out or that I didn't tell her. (Literally once opened up to her when I was little (like 11?) about how much I hated myself... she said the next day she spent the entire night crying because she thought she failed... I understand what she was going for, but, honestly not something you should tell your kid who just opened up. Practically had it ingrained internally "If I feel bad, hide it. Because my mom will be devastated by it.")

She goes too supportive and expects me to be willing to open up immediately. Basically just forgetting she can't push me into being out and honest because it takes time to work up the courage.

Both of these options are... iffy. To say the least.

[amaranthineghost]

F1 asks <333

thanks to @foreveralbon for tagging me (I'm in love with you 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼)

who is your favorite driver?

lando 10000%!!! it took me a couple of months to land on a favorite driver, but he ended up being the one I really liked!

do you have any other favorite drivers?

yes!!! after lando, my faves are charles, max, oscar, then either logan or lance <333

who is your least favorite driver?

daniel ricciardo...

do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well?

more so a fan of the drivers, but I do root for certain teams!

if you like teams, what team do you pull for?

I love mclaren (mostly because of their driver lineup) and I always find myself rooting for haas lowkey...

how long have you been into F1?

since the 2023 austrian gp!

what got you into F1?

my mom was actually super into it before I even knew about it. she would try and convince me but I never really wanted to watch it.

then I saw a charles leclerc edit on tiktok (I wish I remembered which one) but I was like DAMN HE'S FINE ASF...and then I fell down a rabbithole of charles edits, then a rabbit hole of fics, and learning about other drivers (I'm gonna be honest, when I first read the fics, I pictured lando as a 40 year old man 😭😭😭).

then my mom was watching a post-practice or post-quali show and she asked me if I wanted to watch and I was like YEAH...

so I did, now I'm obsessed, writing about it, and going to the Austin GP this October 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

do you enjoy fics/RPF?

yes!

how do you view new fans?

being a somewhat new fan, I think they're amazing! I got my friend into formula 1 at the beginning of the 2024 season and they're really into it (I made them watch DTS as a starter to get to know teams and drivers, but trust I warned them it's dramatized cus it's Netflix 😭😭😭)

I have no beef with them. I think sports, music, and other fandoms are always gaining new fans and it'd be silly to have something against it (unless they're being a little 😥😥😥)

if you could take over as team principal for any team, who would it be and why?

by a mile, mclaren. it's my dream to be apart of their team (the entire reason I went from an academic victim to an academic weapon). the idea of potential working for them has given me so much motivation. the whole team seems so inviting and like a great work environment 🫶🏼

are your friends and family into F1 as well?

my mom, my dad, and two of my friends are into formula 1!

my mom has been into for a couple of years, and my dad just watches it from time to time because of my mom. my friend (who is one of my best friend's brother) has been into it for 2 years or so, and of course my friend who I introduced to the sport!

I definitely talk about it the most with my new fan friend because I have classes with them, but I do talk about it with my mom, and we watch races together 🫶🏼

are you open to talking to other fans/making friends?

always!!! (I need more friends) I protect my peace guys, I have a few irl friends that I talk and hang out with outside of having a class with them, or just school in general.

I'm very socially awkward (I'm the most dry person you'll ever meet but trust once you get to know me, I YAP. liyah can attest to this ✋✋✋)

tagging!!! @mclqren @va1entinesg4l @norrizzandpia @piastrification and anyone else who wants to do this <333

[nuklearis-sutotok]

Not to be overly sappy but I'm just really happy that you are in my life and that we found each other. We live on opposite sides of the country but I feel that we are kindred spirits in many ways. I always look forward to getting messages from you and I would honestly count you as one of my close friends, despite us never having met IRL. Thank you for being unapologetically YOU and for showing me that it is okay to be unapologetically ME. <3

You have no idea how much this ask means to me especially where lately I have wondered about being unapologetically me, especially the times I can’t seem to get “me” across to some. There are times I have had my words so twisted I couldn't recognize them, the concept others have had of who I was was entirely unrecognizable to me, and no amount of explaining made any difference. This being unapologetic is a relatively recent development and there are many days I still want to feel apologetic. I’m still working to take the mask off, and it’s not always going well, there is rather a lot of trial and error in some cases, yet, it’s another form of transparency, isn’t it? Taking it off as much as possible and hang the consequences because you can't stand it anymore... For me that has meant surprising rather a lot of people and setting up boundaries that were not in place before, sharing more, admitting that I’ve spent my life compromising and trying to fit in, a useless endeavor, at my own expense in any fashion that did not involve lying, as that is something I am strongly opposed to, and for what? To ultimately end up nowhere with it. The only person that got wrecked was me. Everyone else remained discontent.

This behavior has been so ingrained that for the longest time I didn’t think much about my past or what had mattered to me, I hated to reflect so I didn't, I tried to quell any hyperfixations, anything that stuck out or annoyed, tried to make myself take up little to no space and apologize when my reactions didn't make whatever mark. I barely considered my future, lost motivation for hobbies and interests outside of trying to find common ground in fandom topics... I essentially buried myself in the "Act normal," thing because for a long time that's what I was told I had to do, and that the people who had tried to teach me otherwise were wrong. Yet, I failed every single time because it's physically impossible... But no. It isn’t worth it... Trying to be enough of yourself and enough of whatever others want to not cause waves... It’s important to be kind, to be understanding, to be open minded, but you must also be these things with yourself. The curiosity for the world must also go inwards too. We all are composed of a different number of atoms, we all resonate at our own specific frequencies, we all have difference neural mapping, no two are alike anyway so what is this normal supposed to be? So yeah, I’m gonna try and be me from now on, and you should absolutely be unapologetically you.

I am extremely grateful that we meant, I feel very blessed on that, and I feel much the same, as though I met you in another life or something and we were friends then. There are few people I don’t feel the instinct to mask much with, and you’re on that list. I don’t have to worry or overthink and consider every behavior or thing I say, and that is rare, perhaps rarer than it has been in the past lately, and I want to say thank you for being in my life and making the days brighter.

[altschmerzes]

Hey! im ace and aro and was wondering if you could talk about what being engaged and getting married means and looks like to you as an aro person? I feel like so few people talk about it that i have no real frame of reference. it’s really cool that you’re happy and living authentically doing all these things and i guess yeah i just wanted to hear more about that if you felt like sharing! have a great day <3

yeah!!! i'm happy to talk abt that!! it's definitely nothing i've seen any kind of like..... broader awareness of, or people talking about, and i probably would've been like. more optimistic about my future if it had been something i'd seen, i think. this got a little long so i'm throwing it under a cut but here it is!! a bit of an explanation of like. How My Engagement/Marriage Works And How That Came To Be. (signed off on by my fiance, for the record - i didn't want to write out an answer to this without checking with them, but they're totally fine with it!)

i think it's probably wildly confusing to some people to see me post and talk abt being aro A Lot (it's one of the most prominent aspects of my online personality i think sdlfjs) including being like. incredibly romance repulsed, and then mention being engaged or having a fiance or referencing 'my wife' (though we're not married yet it is one of my Favourite jokes to make because 1. i think it's very funny, and 2. i just like saying it). people contain multitudes etc etc but i do wonder if people are confused by that sldfjs. my engagement is like... honestly everything i'd ever have hoped for if i'd asked myself at any point in the years since i started identifying as aromantic what my ideal life would include.

i've always had a hard time being alone and i wanted the intimacy and mutual support and just. ability to Do Life with someone that a relationship involved, while also being, as i've said, intensely romance repulsed and not really open to sex either. really just sort of figured that wasn't going to happen for me. the odds of not only meeting an aroace person (the only sort of person i thought might have an interest in the same sort of relationship i wanted and was comfortable with) irl never mind being compatible with them personally and in our priorities just seemed incredibly slim. which like... made me sad sometimes. i'd always sort of daydreamed about getting married which is wild for someone who is as romance repulsed as i am, which i know i keep saying but it really is an incredibly intense feeling for me (i tried dating once in high school and had several panic attacks before breaking it off after our third extremely mild fourteen/fifteen year old date, and often feel physically ill trying to read about fictional romance/watch it on tv). but y'know. sometimes we just don't get what we want in life, and i was fine with the idea of having my friends and my synagogue community and like. hoping my friends wouldn't all leave me behind alone as they all got into relationships.

what ended up happening is obviously not that. i'm really truly unbelievably thrilled every day to wake up and remember what i've got to look forward to every day. my engagement is entirely platonic, and it's exactly what both of us want and are just. beyond happy with and excited for. my fiance is a lesbian, actually, and has been incredibly good and patient with reassuring me that the relationship we have, exactly as it is, is what they want too, that they don't feel like i'm depriving them of anything. we love each other very much, and we're building the life together that we want, in exactly the way that we want.

and that's how it happened, really. we talked about what we wanted. i got engaged at the end of what i've referred to as a 'several hour long conversation' which is the truth sdlkfs. a close friend and i both had sort of 'evaluating the next couple years of our lives and how we wanted pivotal parts of our futures to go' moments about the same time, and it came up i think mostly as a half-serious suggestion that we could get married. for logistical reasons, it made sense for us. and then we started talking about what that might look like - what we wanted, from our lives and our futures, and our hypothetical marriage. and the more we talked about it, the more serious it got, the more real it got, and the more we both i think realized we wanted the same thing. the same life, the same way, together.

we talked about a whole lot in that first couple of days. one of the very first things we talked about actually was kids - did we want them? what was important to us about having and raising children (names, religion, etc)? then it was stuff like did we have strong feelings about where we lived. did we want our own rooms in our home, did we want to wear rings (i love my engagement ring. it makes me smile every time i notice it on my hand), what did we want to tell our friends. we had conversations about whether and how we wanted a wedding. what sort of physical intimacy we were comfortable with, what sort we might want (really glad we did that, and that we were honest and open about that - nothing better, it turns out, than Cuddling Your Wife). what sort of affection we were comfortable with around other people.

our relationship, our life, is what we want it to be. exactly what we want it to be. what makes us happy. we've built it from a vast and beautiful array of choices and options, adding the things we want and leaving the things we don't. it's an approach i would highly recommend to everyone, honestly - talking about what you want out of your relationship, what you want to do and how you want to be with someone rather than just picking which of a short list of proscribed 'types of relationship' you want to have. it leaves a lot more room for nuance and what will actually make you happy than much less contextually nuanced things like assuming your definition of 'dating' will match the other person's, or that the kind of relationship you want just isn't possible. setting up that kind of foundation in communication and honesty and being clear about our expectations and needs has fostered a relationship where i feel respected and valued and heard - and i'm reasonably certain (and i hope!) that they feel the same.

we travelled to my birthplace so they could be introduced to my family and my childhood best friend. it's always both surprising and amusing to me every time someone assumes i'm gay (gender is complicated but we both tend to read as women) - this happened a lot there, and as i've told my extended family and other more casual friends about my engagement. this doesn't bother me at all (i'm not out to almost anyone irl as aromantic, and it's a reasonable conclusion to reach given what information they have) but it's extremely funny when i also get to find out which of my family members/people i knew in middle school always sort of wondered if i was gay but never asked sldkjs. turns out the answer is 'a lot'.

re: assumptions, for the most part, we don't bother explaining the nature of our relationship to people. this is also something we talked about! we discussed how much we wanted to clarify or contextualize, and decided that ultimately like... with the exception of people we're very close to, and in contexts like this (fairly anonymous post on ye olde internet with the ability to immediately block anyone who clowns on it), it's really nobody's business unless we decide it is and we're cool with just letting people assume whatever. that does lead to some like... i can't speak for them but it gets a little weird for me sometimes, i'm not gonna lie. it feels a little like getting misgendered, having people assume that i'm in a romantic relationship. i say that as a nonbinary person who's mostly just. chill about not being out about that irl. that's the best descriptor i have to help people understand what might be a hard thing to understand. but it doesn't bug me enough to want to put myself - or my fiance - through what correcting that assumption would involve. i mostly don't blame anyone for it - it's extremely reasonable to assume someone who is engaged is in a romantic relationship with the person they're engaged to - except for when friends who know i'm aromantic and somehow think this means that's... changed, somehow? or jump to assuming i'm in a romantic relationship before considering i might not be in one and still be engaged anyway. so it's kind of weird, and feels a little bad, but not enough to really do anything about it except hope the world changes a bit and stops making assumptions about other people's relationships at some point.

that's really the only downside, hand to gd. that and worrying that there might be consequences, legally, if the wrong person finds out we're married but Not Like That. everything else is honestly amazing. it's the best thing that's ever happened to me and i'm so unbelievably happy. i never thought i'd ever get to be this happy, or have a future this bright and warm and full of love to look forward to. having spent a lot of my life for various reasons thinking i just wouldn't have a future at all, it's like every day is a really incredible dream, except i'm never going to have to wake up.

the moral of the story i guess, if you've made it this far in this novel of an answer, anon, which i wouldn't bet on, because it's so much longer than i planned on it being (SORRY SDLKFJS i guess this is more than just a 'writing fic' problem for me now XD), is that your relationships are what you make them. assuming that what you want isn't possible, or that nobody could possibly want the same thing, is a great way to cheat yourself out of something wonderful. nobody has to have any kind of relationship, obviously, if they don't want one, but i think there are a lot of people - aromantic and not! though i do think this probably impacts aro people. more. - who could benefit from the idea that there are more options out there than just like... 1. romantic relationship constructed in a specific way and following a specific path, and 2. being alone.