Every woman I have ever loved is still working out how to love herself. Has a closetful of ghosts and has been to a hundred funerals of the women she used to be. Wonders what wounds her mother carries that she will never know about. Hopes that the weight of the world doesn't eventually crush her, that she is strong enough to handle it all. Wishes a day will come when she can put it all down, give her aching shoulders a rest. Wants someone to truly see her and not make a feast of her kindness and dreams. Is forever hiding a secret hunger for what calls to her in the dark. Holds a universe inside her, but has been told to make herself smaller despite the paradox. Praise be that universes are not in the business of listening to anyone but themselves. Every woman I have loved has thought about it. The art of disappearing. To be here one day, and the next, like smoke, simply gone.
- Nikita Gill, Every Woman I Have Ever Loved
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How do I explain
That your fear of hurting me
Is what caused me to hurt
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I don’t just want love. I need it. Imperatively. I need to be swept off my feet, and not as a romantic gesture, but because I’m about to fall. I need you to say “stay with me” with the urgency of a paramedic. I need to be saved. Saved, by love.
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Have you ever felt like you are the quiet ghost everyone can see but chooses to look through. Like your body is there, just transparent, you speak but no one hears you, not really. The act of disappearing is not so hard truly. You can do it even in a room surrounded by people who love you. Just pretend you aren’t there, and everyone around you will pretend you have vanished too.
- Nikita Gill
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I don't know about soulmates but I just wish everyone had that one person in their lives in front of whom they can be vulnerable. In front of whom, they never have to fake their emotions, they never have to think before speaking, never have that fear of being judged. Just to yap about random things, to have that comfortable silence with, I wish everyone had someone and no one feels alone.
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It is in our moments of uncertainty that the flame of courage burns brightest, guiding us through the fog of doubt.
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let me kiss
the moonlight
off your lips
and be born
again
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