#;w; i hope this works for you erin

[erin-gilberts]

I get the weirdest liberal version of thoughts and prayers over being from Indiana sometimes but there is something to be said about the devil you know vs. the devil you don't.

[magnifythesun]

Hiii so mexican salsa YES this post is a prompt! Feel free to change it to whatever you like, but I'd love a lil' story like this:

Ian and anthony are both very obviously in love and the whole smoffice knows it, but them lmao! I'd love this fic to be just text messages or slack posts or sth, where the cast and crew report of sightings of Ian and anthony doing very ianthony stuff and not realize it themselves. Maybe they come up w a way to show or nudge them in the right direction? But Ian and Anthony will still make it a bro moment (broment) bc they think the other one just wants to be bros LMAO ~ Japhan2024 💖

@japhan2024 FANTASTIC IDEA I have to believe that the Smosh cast legit has a secret group chat for stuff like this hahaha the looks on their faces whenever Ian and Anthony do something shippy is priceless

im going to wrack my brain for my favorite moments lolol I hope you enjoy!

(mid writing note: i first wrote basically all texts but it wasn't quite flowing the way i wanted it to so now there's a little more prose lol. this also taught me i do NOT know enough crew members' names)

read on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56346769

---

It took Erin less than ten minutes to create The Group Chat following the slapping video caress incident.

Erin: "okay so what the fuck"

Tommy: "i'm beside myself."

Angela: "SO WE'RE FINALLY TALKING ABOUT IT"

It began, and all hell broke loose from there.

Most of the cast and crew didn't know Anthony too well when he first returned, but everyone could tell Ian began to positively glow once he came back. It had started mostly with little under-the-breath comments about how big Ian had smiled at something Anthony did, or shared glances after they looked lost in each other's worlds. It's not that everyone wanted to speculate about their bosses, but rather that their bosses were practically giving them no choice.

The real watershed moment was the birth of The Group Chat, which finally provided an outlet for all ianthony incidents witnessed by the cast and crew.

---

Shayne: "Please tell me how Anthony managed to turn his smosh cast interview into an hour of us complimenting Ian."

Tommy: "i swear he practices in his car on the way to work"

---

Erin: "not them discussing deepthroating injuries for like three whole minutes..."

Erin: "while Anthony sucks on his rainbow lollipop......"

Chanse: "they are not beating the allegations"

---

Josh: "So this is I think the fourth video I've edited where Anthony has called Ian daddy??"

Josh: "WHAT is the thought process. I just can't put it together. is Anthony just like yeah I'm going to call my bro daddy about seventeen separate times with varying levels of seriousness and that's good and het and normal."

Erin: "Josh, istg you don't see the half of it. Come watch them film and pay special attention when the cameras are OFF."

---

Erin: "im losing it"

Arasha: "oh god. what happened"

Erin: "i am not fucking kidding right now anthony just called him submissive and breedable."

Keith: "WHAT"

Erin: "he said what he said."

Angela: "BREEDABLE????????????"

Erin: "in front of god and everyone."

Angela: "BREEDABLE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

---

Tommy: "catching up on the main channel sketches and i just have to ask"

Tommy: "How many men can Ian date in his sketches until he realizes he'd like to date one in real life?"

Chanse: "don't SPEAK to me about it"

---

Tommy: "bicurious, hmm? Ian would you like to share something with the class???"

Chanse: "hes so deep in the mental closet his art is trying to scream it at him through his subconscious."

Chanse: "ive been there 😞"

Josh: "I've never been more prepared to edit a video in my whole life"

---

Angela: "Erinnnn not u directing them to stand closer together 😭😭"

Erin: "look I'm at my wits end. I'm thinking forced proximity might do it"

Keith: "if that could work they would have gotten it during kissing currency 😙💸"

Shayne: "@ courtney is this your thought process behind wanting a kissing video"

Courtney: "HA"

Courtney: "yes."

---

Courtney: "okay so if our plan at this point is just to make them read so many fanfics about themselves out loud that they spontaneously realize they're in love, we've got to find some fics that don't contain the word 'cummies'"

Angela: "what are cummies?? 😇"

Shayne: "ANGELA I SWEAR TO GOD"

---

As the incidents kept piling up, a plot began to form. Maybe Anthony and Ian were just so oblivious that they all needed to adopt a certain 'push-comes-to-shove' mentality, and do what had to be done. Everyone agreed, they had to find a way to put them in such a charged situation that this would all finally boil over, and the astounding tension that had plagued the office would be resolved. The ultimate achievement of this long-weary Group Chat.

Erin: "okay so one more time. everyone has talked with HR, yes? and everyone slated for the vid is comfortable with the concept of spin the bottle"

Angela: "what's spin the bottle? 😇"

Tommy: "STOP"

Shayne "1) Yes for the thousandth time, we promise. 2) What the FUCK are we going to do if this bottle never lands on Anthony and Ian"

Erin: "I will keep this shoot going as long as necessary."

Shayne: "That sounds like a threat?"

Chanse: "I'm suddenly regretting my decision. May I take my week's vacation right now?"

---

Erin: "how..."

Courtney: "did you see the look in their eyes????? :O"

Angela: "FATE WAS ON OUR SIDE. IT LANDED ON THEM THREE WHOLE TIMES"

Erin: "yes but,,,,,"

Tommy: "don't speak to me I'm still reeling"

Keith: "oh please don't tell me it didn't work."

Chanse: "i just have one question. how did they kiss THREE TIMES and still not realize."

Courtney: "they were both practically levitating from giddiness"

Arasha: "they just kept looking away from each other and laughing it off... they didn't see each other's expressions 😭😭"

Angela: "guys. guys"

Erin: "what"

Angela: "do u know what this means"

Angela: "now that we've pushed them over this hurdle... They're going to start bro kissing in their sketches"

Chanse: "oh my god"

Josh: "oh fuck you're right"

Erin: "that's it."

Erin: "im quitting smosh"

Amanda: "Oh hey guys! We have a group chat?"

Shayne:

[nofacednerd]

okay finale thoughts

I don't think they took out any scenes but I do think it's funny that they renamed the title of the episode

hughie's... counter-proposal I guess? was so genuinely sweet that I'm mad it wasn't real

On that. 3rd time in back to back episodes not even 5 minutes in. That's gotta be a record. I thought they were actually going to acknowledge it as assault when he seemingly got very upset about the pegging joke she made and started squeezing the water bottle, but I guess not. My hope is that all the criticism they received while handling all of this, they'll actually take and acknowledge it in the show

Hughie canon bottom but at what cost...........

BUTCHER WITH THE TEMP-V INDUCED WHITE HAIR STREAKS. MY HEADCANON IS REAL

I think it's so funny that Butcher's last wish was for hughie to go to some random hooters in Nevada for him. Part of me wonders if he knew about the stupid Maid in Manhattan tour he went on entirely because it was his dad's last wish and wanted to see what he would agree to if he sounded sad enough about it

Ashley my problematic queen I hope you get to have fucking awesome scary superpowers next season and help take down the supes w the gang

Just. Shoutout to Erin Moriarty for being an insanely talented actress. Love that the shapeshifter just kept biting people as her go-to attack. Fucking knocked it out of the park

Annie choking the shapeshifter to death instead of using her powers felt symbolic somehow but it's 4 in the morning and I can't think about it rn. Good for her either way.

They also never actually explained why her powers just. Stopped working?? I'm guessing it was an emotional thing but I felt like things didn't change THAT much by the end of the season for her to suddenly be charged up enough to fly?

Okay but also. I'm kind of mad that they didn't acknowledge what the shapeshifter did to Hughie was assault and not only that but they had Annie get mad at HIM about it. Like girl hello???? Out of literally everyone I would expect at least Annie to understand, but for some reason they show loves having them have relationship drama that comes from fucking nowhere

That being said, I am SO glad they didn't break up again. That would have fucking sucked. Curious if the engagement thing will ever come up again since she got the ring back. I imagine if it does it'll be the end of the show

Also his little "FUCK YESSS" fist pump to himself. I just need to take a second to appreciate that that was so funny LMAO

I'm not gonna lie... I actually got pretty on-board with the Frenchie Kimiko QPR. aroace Kimiko you still live in my head rent free

I just know. I just KNOW. There's going to be SO MANY tentacle smut fics about Butcher by the end of the week. You horny motherfuckers are going to eat that shit up

Also going to be honest. I'm kind of mad they took out Neuman. She was such an interesting character and I always thought her views didn't conflict at all with the rest of The Boys, so I was really hoping for a redemption arc. She also had such an interesting dynamic with both Hughie and Annie (and Zoe having beef with Kimiko is fucking great). Idk she could have been a fun addition to the group

I was actually kind of excited to see The Boys split off to different countries and have to come back together next season, but I think them all getting kidnapped (and presumably thrown in prisons?) is much more interesting. I kind of hope they let Hughie be the main character again next season now that Butcher has gone off the rails and might? be a villain next season? But I know it's probably going to be Annie

Kimiko speaking I kind of assumed would happen at some point (since they established that as kind of her arc this season with the speech therapy) but I'm excited to see if that goes anywhere next season. I think best case scenario, she has selective mutism and only goes verbal sometimes. They've been pretty good about her disability so far

also speaking of, I've been trying to figure out what her sign for each of The Boys' names are and. is Hughie's supposed to look like someone running away because that's so funny if true (it's hard to tell because the captions are obviously not synced up with the visuals on her signing)

My overall thoughts are kinda... eh. This season ultimately felt directionless to me, too many plotlines trying to happen all at once and while I think individual episodes were really good, as a whole nothing felt super connected (I mean, in episode 6 Hughie was super fucked up over his dad's death and presumably what happened at Tek Knight's party, but episode 7 they just seem to have completely forgotten that he's having an active mental breakdown, a trend that continues into episode 8. And that's just one example from this season). I also think they fumbled the supes' plotline at the very end. I trusted the writers that they actually knew what Sage's plan was, but it mostly just seems like she swooped in at the end to tell us her plan worked, without saying what it actually was. I was hoping there was going to be actual clever writing there, but I guess it's hard to write the world's smartest character if she's only as smart as the writer's room can be.

I understand that, ultimately, it's incredibly difficult to write satisfying arcs with very limited time (this is an issue of streaming in general, not specifically an issue with The Boys), so I don't really fault them for that. I just hope next season is more focused.

The biggest problem with season 3 is, obviously, Hughie getting sexually assaulted three times in 3 back-to-back episodes, with zero acknowledgement (and on one occasion, implied mockery) from the show itself or anyone involved. I REALLY hope they take the criticism and actually make something of it next season, or at least acknowledge that it was fucked up.

Anyway, not a terrible season, but it had a lot of glaring issues. I'm holding out hope for season 5 being good, but it'll be another year or two before we get it anyway, so...

[gowns]

Hiiiii I hope ur well! I have a clothes question that may or may not fall within ur sustainable wardrobe wheelhouse. The question largely amounts to: cleaning????

I can reattach a button, patch a hole, mend a tear - this I can deal with. But any top I have for more than 2 years inevitably develops some stubborn stain. Do u know where I can go for stain removal advice? Minimally ecologically destructive stain removal advice?

hi! i love peeking inside the mind of erin boyle for ponderings like this

outside of the products she recommends (and minus the laundress products 💀) i myself rarely get stains on my things!! this is what i do

the moment i get a stain, i immediately rinse and dab the fabric.

if it's really bad and i'm at home i just take it off and dunk it liberally and change!

washing machine: always wash w/ cold water

oxyclean works well for bad stains; you can also try baking soda or vinegar depending on the kind of stain & fabric dye (or dishwashing soap! esp for tomato or oil based stains)

if something still has a stain after you wash in the washing machine, DO NOT DRY IT in the drying machine!

line dry!!!

then either wear it again OR if the stain is unbearable rinse and dab the stain again, then put in washing machine again

line dry after every wash until the stain disappears (it usually will)

the sun can do wonders, if you have outdoor space and sunshine and a fabric you don't mind sun-bleaching a bit

for any clothes that you are not line drying and want to use the drier, dry on low heat

i'm pretty rigid with this cold water and line drying routine and it's been going pretty good for me so far! i eat pasta with red sauce while wearing white shirts pretty regularly lol

if there's a big gnarly stain you can also experiment with dying it ;)

[spicywhenspeaking]

If I'm There: Chapter Twenty-One

when you realize the significance of the monkey (∩˃о˂∩)♡

read from part one here!

summary: Noah and Natalie met in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind.

this is a complete work of fiction, some characters while based on real people are totally made up. :)

word count: 3.6k , edited by me ....soooo if you see something spelt wrong no you didn't.

taglist : @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens @thisbicc @laurpartyprogram @concretenoah @thebadchic @jessitpwk @madomens @samanthasgone @myownthoughts12

I picked up Erin from Ashely’s house at around 10 am the following morning. I don’t think anything will ever compare to her seeing me and running with excitement into my arms for a big hug. I just hope she still feels that way later today when I tell her about Noah.

“I missed you Mom!” she calls out and I pick her up and swing us around in a circle. “Oh my sweet girl, I missed you so much!” I tell her and kiss all over her cheeks and the top of her head. We finish gathering her things and thank Ashely and her mom again before we eventually get into the car and head off to begin our girls’ day. “So nails first or food? How are you feeling?” I ask as I turn on the radio and begin backing out of the driveway. 

“FOOD! Please! We only had cereal for breakfast and you know I need more than that.” I laugh because I know exactly that. My girl can eat! “Okay, so first food and then nails!” I say, then reach over to turn up the radio when I hear “Dancing Queen” by ABBA come on. We sing our hearts out on the drive to our favorite breakfast spot near our house. We sit in our regular corner booth by the back window. I order a coffee and a full stack of pancakes with eggs and bacon. Erin orders an orange juice and the same amount of food and I know she’ll finish it all. She recaps me on the last two days and all the fun she had with her friend, “but I missed you and Hales a lot. I’m happy to be back home now.” she says stuffing a huge piece of pancake into her mouth. “I’m happy you’re home too little bug, but why don't you take smaller bites? I don’t need you choking thirty minutes after getting you back.” She smiles with her mouth full of food, “okay” her muffled voice comes out and I can’t help but laugh. 

With breakfast finished the two of us head to the nail salon and I decide we should really pamper ourselves and we get the deluxe mani/pedi package. The salon I like plays old MTV music videos on big TVs all around the room. The sound of Paramore while my feet soak in the soothing heat and the massage chair digs into my back puts me into a state of complete relaxation and I find my mind wandering. Stuck on a moment from the night before, Noah and I sitting together on the couch and our almost kiss. If things were different, if we lived in an alternate universe and it wasn’t ten years later I would have closed the distance and would have let myself be sucked into his gravity. He has everything he wants now, his music, his band, it’s what he left to find ten years ago.

I look over at Eric who’s set the chair to the back-patting setting that has her voice bouncing “Ah, ah, ah, m-o-o-m, d-o-o-o I s-o-u-n-d w-e-i-r-d.” the smile that breaks across my face is full of love as I take in the beautiful girl in front of me. “You sound perfect baby,” I say and ruffle her hair softly. The rest of our appointment goes by in a relaxing daze. We laugh while Erin tells me about her last two days. We finish up and I mentally prepare myself for the conversation we are about to have. I am going to tell her about Noah. I just hope she doesn’t hate me afterward. 

We get back to the house and she rushes into her room to unload her dirty clothes and reunite with the stuffed animals she had to leave behind. “Fluffy! I never want to be separated again!” I hear her exclaim from outside of her room. Before talking to her I head into my room and open my closet door, I’m looking for a certain shoe box. “Where the hell is it?” I ask myself, “Ah ha!” It’s nestled deep into the corner hiding under the Carhart hoodie I borrowed from Haylie who stole it from who knows. I take a deep breath and lift the lid of the box. On top are several photos of me and Noah, some of the two of us, and Nicholas as well. Wadded up in a tight ball is the Bring Me The Horizon shift Noah gave me all those years ago. There’s also a CD, some random ticket stubs, drawings, and more pictures at the bottom. I decide to just take the whole box and head towards Erin’s room.

Knocking on the door I hear a soft, “Come in!” I walk into her room and see that she’s decided today is the day she’s going to reorganize her bookshelf. 

“Hey sweety, can I talk to you about something?” I ask and try to hide the nervousness in my voice. “Umm yeah, is everything okay? You sound weird.” So I didn’t do a great job at hiding it. “Yes, everything is okay. There’s just something that I need to talk to you about. Something important.”

Two lines appear between her eyebrows and her face contorts in confusion. “Is this an I can keep working and listening important or do I need to sit next to you on the bed?” she asks and I pat a spot next to me on the bed to wordlessly answer her question. “Oof, okay,” she whispers out and climbs next to me on her bed.

“You remember how I told you that I got pregnant when I was still in high school but my boyfriend and I had already broken up?” she continues looking at me with confusion all over her face but nods slightly, “Yeah, I remember. You said you two never saw each other again.” I take her hand and smile, trying to fight the tears in my eyes.

I open the box and hand her a picture of Noah and I. “His name is Noah. This is your father.” She takes the photo and looks back and forth between me and and younger version in the photo. “You look so different,” she says and I huff a laugh. “Yeah, that’s what growing up will do to you.” 

“Where is he?” she asks quietly looking up at me. “Well, he’s actually in town for a few days if you would like to meet him.”

“Where has he been?” she asks and that takes me off guard. I struggle with what to say, not wanting to keep anything from her but also not wanting to upset her. “He’s been in Los Angeles. That’s where he works.”

“What does he do?”

“He’s in a band, playing music, and sings all around the world.”

“Hm,” she says and I’m not sure what she’s thinking. 

“So he didn’t want me?” and there it is. The knife in my heart makes it hard to keep the food down from earlier but I push through, remaining strong.

“Oh no sweety, that’s not true at all. He didn’t know for so long. It’s very complicated adult stuff. Things that took me a long time to understand myself” I try to explain to her. 

“Will you tell me when I’m older the complicated stuff?”

“Of course baby, I’ll tell you anything you’d like to know about him.”

“Is he nice?” Erin asks in a quiet shy voice, “Do you think he would like me?”

I wrap her up in my arms and squeeze her tightly, “he is very nice and he will like you very much I promise.” I run my hand down her head, soothing her soft brown hair.”Does that mean you’d like to meet him?”

The air is still in the room as Erin takes time to think. Her small face scrunched in concentration. “I think I would like to meet him, yes. But are things going to change? My friend Brody’s parents don’t live together and he goes to his dad’s house every other weekend. Do I have to do that now?” I pull her closer until my head is resting on top of hers. “Nothing will change without you making that decision. Right now, we take things one step at a time.” she nods her head and wraps her arms as tight as she can around me.

“Would you be interested in meeting him tomorrow? He will be leaving again soon with his band so we won’t see him again for a few weeks. I can tell him we can wait if you’d be more comfortable.” I’m also definitely scheduling an earlier therapy appointment for her this week. Her head remains buried in my side while she takes everything in. I am giving her all the time she needs to process, so if she wants to wait until he’s more available I don’t blame her. 

“I think I would like to meet him. But what if you just invited him over here? So I can show him my stuff and maybe he will like me even more?” 

I move back so I can take her small face into my hands. “I can do that but I need to to listen to me now, there is no one on this planet that could possibly not like you Erin Howlston and I know for a fact that he will love you so much because you are you and you are perfect,” I emphasize my point my giving her cheeks a little squeeze. “But you have to think that because you’re my mom.” she quips through pursed lips. “And he’s your father, so by your logic, he must also think that,” I argue back and I see her eyes turned down slightly in the corner.

“But he made you sad right? That’s why you broke up when you were in high school. I don’t want him to make you sad again.” My heart swells. While I drop an atomic bomb of information about her life she’s worried about my feelings. I must be doing something right with this whole parenting thing.

“Sweetie, that was a long time ago. My heart is all better now and I’m not sad anymore. I am so so so unbelievably happy with our life. With you and Aunt Haliey, Uncle Kyle and Aunt Mags, and little Natasha. I think Noah is a very good person and he wants to be in your life because he cares about you. Even without having met you.” She gives me a small smile and hugs me again.” okay, I want to meet him. You said tomorrow right?” she looks up at me with her deep brown eyes that have always been just like his. “Tomorrow it is. I will give him a call later today, but what do you want to do now? Play? We could watch a movie? Or draw together?”

Quickly detangling from my arms she races to pick up her paper and stretching pencils, “Drawing please! I need help with the cat I’m drawing.” 

We spend the next few hours drawing together on her bedroom floor laughing and listening to music. For Christmas last year she asked for a Google Mini so she could ask it to play music whenever she wanted. Now we are listening to “The Very Best Of Otis Redding”. When she was a baby I listened to it all the time. I used to sing “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long” while rocking her to sleep. Sometimes I walk by her room and she is listening to it while reading or playing with her toys and it reminds me of holding her when she was so little and how she would hold my finger so tightly.

I feel the tug of guilt in my gut about Noah having missed those moments but force it down, there’s nothing that can be done about the past but we can create new memories with the three of us together. Even if Noah and I aren’t together we can be the two parents that Erin needs. Maybe we can even be friends.

Later, once Erin wanted time alone to play with her toys I went into my room to call Noah. I haven’t been able to talk to Haylie about any of this yet, she woke up late with a hangover and had to run out of the house for the day to meet with her editor to talk about her next book release.

I close my door most of the way, only keeping a small sliver open in case Erin calls out for me. I sit on the edge of my bed and hit the green call button on my new Noah contact page, It rings a few times before I hear the sound of him picking up on the other end.

Hey! Natty, how are you doing? How’s it going?

Hi Noah, things are good. How are you? 

There’s rustling in the background of his call, “oohh is that Natalie??” I hear who I think is Folio.

Yes, shush…not you Nat! You don’t have to shush. Sorry, Folio is being an idiot.

I’m good, just working on some new remixes for our deluxe album.

I just finished talking with Erin and she suggested I invite you over tomorrow to meet. Is that okay?

Tomorrow sounds great! What time is good for you two?

How does 12:30 work? I can order us sandwiches from the sub shop in town, Erin’s favorite.

Perfect, 12:30 is perfect. Thank you so much, Natty. I won’t let you down again. I promise.

I try not to blush like a preteen at the way his voice goes almost breathless as he makes his promise to me. 

Um. so I’ll see you tomorrow then, bye!

I try to rush off the phone as fast as possible before I let myself word-vomit anything stupid.

Bye Natty, I’ll see you tomorrow, looking forward to seeing you and meeting Erin. 

A few minutes I hear Haylie unlock the door and head into the house and she calls out like she did the night before. “Honeys!! I’m home!” she calls from the front room. “Hey Hales!” Erin and I both call out.

Before I have the chance to call down to her to come up so I can relay everything that’s happened since we separated after the concert, she is racing up the stairs taking two at a time. She swings my door open, stepping into my room with a huge face-splitting smile on her face. “Sooo?? How did it go?” she asks moving closer into my room and creating the same small gap in the door before sitting down next to me on the bed. “Well, before I drunkenly barged in. sorry about that. That Folio knows how to throw them back, he’s pretty hot don’t you think?”

She has this twinkle in her eye when she says it and I laugh and roll my eyes at her. “It went well, he was a little upset at first which I wasn’t surprised by. He cried I cried, it was very emotional. He wants to meet her and then stay in Austin during their break in between tour dates.” As I recant my mind whirls and everything hits me more than I expected. “He said that he wanted this life with me, wanted the family and the happiness and the love that he should have fought harder for me, should have never let me go.” I try to keep my voice steady but I can feel my throat getting thick with emotion. Haylie wraps her arm around me and remains quiet while I continue telling her all about what happened. “And then when I was showing him pictures in her baby book there was this moment..” I slowly trail off and she pops forward and her eyes widen in surprise.

“What kind of moment?” she asks in a voice that goes all jelly-like and I manage to look slightly shameful before I tell her. That I so easily folded in his presence is borderline embarrassing, just shows how powerful his hold is still over my heart. But right now I can’t think with my heart, now is the time to think with my brain. While also considering Erin’s heart. 

“We might have almost kissed,” I tell her while I bury my face in my hands. “OH MY GOD! NATALIE !” she shrieks and I quickly throw my hands over her mouth. “Shush! Haliey oh my god, Erin will hear you!” and just like that I hear her little voice calling from down the hall, “everything okay in there?” she asks. “Yes!” “Everthing is fine!” we answer in unison and I think she retreats back into her room.

“You almost kissed him! How? What did he say? Did he lean in? How did he act after the almost kiss,” she shoots out the questions in a rapid-fire succession and I rub the sides of my temples before answering her. “Um. I guess he was kind of leaning in, he was doing that thing you know. When a guy looks between your eyes and your lips. I felt so weak. Oh my god, I almost kissed him, and then the book fell and I remembered what we were doing and why he was there and I felt so stupid.”

“You are NOT stupid! There were a lot of emotions flowing, you hadn’t had a moment alone with him in years and it’s not like when you broke up you two weren’t completely and totally in love with each other. It’s not like those feelings just go away.” she says while rubbing up and down along my back. 

“I just can’t do that with him, It’s not a good idea for the two of us to do anything that could jepordize Erin’s happiness.” I nod to myself, wiping one of my hands down my face and then raking them through my hair. Haliey and I flop backwards onto the pillows while I finish catching her up on everything that happened, including my conversation with Erin and then my phone call with Noah right before she got home. 

“You want me to clear out tomorrow so y’all have some privacy?” she asks and I balk at the thought. “No way! I would never ask you to leave your own house. Plus, you’re such an important person in Erin’s life, I’m sure she would also want you here.” 

The three of us spend the rest of our evening lounging in the living room watching TV in our pajamas. We make homemade pizzas and cookies for dinner together in the kitchen while singing along to Disney’s greatest hits. We end the night all cuddled together on the couch watching Erin’s favorite movie “The Secret Life of Arrietty” and when she falls asleep I carry her up the stairs into her room and deposit her into her bed. I gently kiss her forehead and turn on her glowing nightlight before closing the door and heading back to help Haylie finish cleaning the kitchen. 

The next day is quickly upon us and I nervously watch the clock ticking away as we get closer and closer to 12:30. I picked up the subs a few minutes ago so hopefully Noah isn’t late. No one likes a soggy sub.

Just seconds before the second-hand crosses over the 12 on the clock there is a knock on the door that causes me to jump straight out of my seat. Haylie laughs at me as she rubs my shoulders walking past and into her room. She told Erin that if she needed her at any time to just barge in and get her. I walk towards the door and Erin suddenly looks very nervous and gets up to hide behind my back. “Are you okay baby?” I ask her quietly before answering the door. She nods her head against my back and whispers, “Yes, I’m fine.” she gripping the back of my jeans but I think if she didn’t want to do this anymore she would say something, she’s just nervous. Hell, I’m nervous. 

I open the door and Noah is standing there with a bouquet of wildflowers in one hand and a stuffed monkey in the other. “Hi,” he says in a soft and nervous voice. I return his greeting with a warm smile. “Come on in” I open the door wider so he can come in and Erin scoots along with me not quite ready to reveal herself. “How are you doing?” he asks and hands the flowers over to me, “these are for you.” He gestures to the monkey, “And this is for Erin.” she peaks her head out from behind me and looks up towards Noah and the monkey. “That’s for me?” she asks quietly. Noah crouches down to be at her eye level and hands out the toy to her. “Yes, this is for you. Do you like monkeys?” He asks and I see a small smile appear on her face. “I do like monkeys. I saw some at the zoo a few days ago with my friend Ashely.” She holds out her hand to accept the offering. “Hi Erin.” he says with a warm smile, “I’m Noah, it’s very nice to meet you?” She slowly eases out from behind me and is now standing beside me and at eye level with Noah, still crouched. “It’s nice to meet you too. Even though you made my mom sad.” 

Oh, Jesus, this is going to be an interesting afternoon.

Next chapter

[solesommerso]

Oooh I just saw your writing for CPD now too 🤩 could I pls request a Jay Halstead x Reader where they have to go undercover as a couple? They're dating secretly, but the secret comes out when they're just too convincing during their undercover work? 🥹

PS I ❤️ your writing! 🥰🥰

Secrets | Jay Halstead x Reader

a/n: ah I think I did this justice but I’ve never written for Jay on his own so idk

warnings: canon typical drug related mentions, guns, secret relationships, reader in a skirt (still kept g/n), swearing, slight nsfw (thigh grabbing/kissing)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

~

You hiss at the microphone digging into your chest, shifting your shirt around for the umpteenth time to try and ease your discomfort from how badly Hailey had set your tech-wear up.

"I shoulda just done it myself." You groan towards Jay, watching how your partner shakes his head only to be cut short as he nods towards the door, the man you've been tracking walks in, a girl in tow with a tray of drinks in her hand.

"Would you two like anything to drink?" She asks, bending at the waist to pick up the past glasses left on the table in front of the couch you reside on, both of you shaking your head to the woman's question. The man that you're here to see, Liam Smart as you've come to learn, tsks his tongue at Jay.

"You don't want to buy your pretty friend a drink?" It almost has you rolling your eyes, you would if this undercover case wasn't so important.

"They're alright." Jay replies, sliding his hand onto your thigh, it brings heat to your cheeks in an instant, you pray nobody on the team can pick up on it through all the cameras.

"Okay then. Shall we get this thing going?" Liam quirks a brow, at least he wants to get this done and over with just as fast as you and Jay do.

"So what's your plan?" Smart leans his elbows onto his knees, smirking when Jay protectively pulls you in closer as the angle Smarts at gives him a clear view to try and stare up your skirt.

"We get three kilos now and three more in a weeks time." Liam throws out a laugh, adjusting his pants which makes your hand drift over to Jays hip, his guns there and while yours is tucked into the back of this skirt, Jays is closer.

"I don't know you. I can't trust you, but you expect three kilos right off the bat?" You both knew it was ambitious but hoped Liam would be dumb enough to agree.

“We have a lot of clients.” You say in your best fake sweet tone, Jays hand squeezes your thigh which means he must pick up on it.

“I see, and where are your clients?” Liam slumps back against the red leather couch you’re all sat on, it circles around a table in a way you can only describe as ‘cliché’, straight out of a bad crime movie.

“North side, they’ll pay top dollar.” Jay builds up on your story and Smart must be drunk enough to believe you two as he smile small.

~

Soon enough everything is going to plan and you’re slipping into a back room to retrieve the three kilos Jay requested. Liam has definitely gotten more than a few drinks in him as he’s getting more and more talkative, gushing over how north side moves product quickly and blah blah- you don’t care anymore.

While this is very much a work outing, Jays hand has been drifting around your thighs throughout the whole endeavor, not to mention how you’ve been leaning into him, your anxiety’s spiked about the team maybe figuring out you two aren’t so much lying about your relationship. Voight’s already gave up on the ‘don’t date your coworkers’ rule with Adam and Kim but you’re newer, and Jay has a history with Erin, no matter how long it’s been since she was even in Chicago. It could cause some issues.

“You guys aren’t very touchy for a couple.” Liam comments in his drunken state. It has you and Jay making split eye contact, his gaze filtering down your body then back up to your lips, and god what you would do to abandon this all and climb into the back of his truck.

“Go on, kiss them.” Smart might be drunk but you can’t complain about his words, Jays hand slips up the side of your jaw, pressing his lips heatedly against yours, instantly dropping his other hand to pull your waist in and let you wrap your arms around him.

It last longer than it should.

A fair bit longer, with a lot more tongue than you’re sure any of the team appreciate. But you get the drugs and the next meet set up, so job well done- kind of- the smirks across your fellow officers faces make you have some regrets. Aside from Voight who’s just shaking his head and beaconing Jay into his office, no doubt about to get a lecture about telling Voight things like this, and dating another coworker. Jay will be fine.

“So when did that start? Hm?” Kevin comes to tease you, you shove at his shoulder and shake your head.

“Shut it.” You huff, looking away from Adams fake kissing lips that has Kim throwing her hand onto his chest in protest.

“So it is official then?”

“Shut up!”

[tojisun]

omggg you mean we'll get a separate angsty fic with miss erin? i love angst sm but i can't read your toxic biker simon bc overly large age gaps give me the ick 😭 you're literally such a phenomenal writer but i can't suspend disbelief enough to forget that men who go after young girls at their big age are actual losers irl. i love your biker simon fics to death though 🥺🥺🥺 he's pookie he's babygirl he is the moment

hi my sweet snoogums!! so i gave up on the separate erin fic but here is the lil snippet of it XP im sorry shajdjd

i had initially wanted it to be hurt no comfort, but still making simon blameless. that the whole thing is missed chances and wrong timing because the thing is, he loved the reader in this one. but when erin (not dbf!simon-verse lols) came, simon fell in love w her. but also building up simons pov got so drawn out so i cut it out RAHHH

and omg of course; im glad that ur avoiding smthn that gives u ick bc ur comfort >>> AND UR RIGHT! THEY ARE LOSERS!!

and aww thank u so so much!! no fr he is so baby girl. the love of my life. the apple of my eye or smthn. hes just so caring of the reader and loves the thrill of riding a bike and the monotony of working in a shop!! (most of all, i love a simon whos fuckin safe. he deserves a soft love)

but yea!! thank u again for ur support, and im sorry that i cant finish the erin fic :(( hope the spippet was enough of an angst for now </3 take care sweetpea ^3^

[quiveringdeer]

So yk how u did what it would be like to date connie and added pics?? Is it OK if u do the same thing but w/ eren?? ALSO ILY AND UR WRITING

A request!? I feel like a legit fandom content creative now! Also you're so sweet thank you so much! 🥺🧡 I hope you like this nonnie!

As much as I hate to admit it, Eren is hot. 😮‍💨

And he's that effortlessly grungy kinda hot. But like is his hair shiny cause it's luscious and taken care of, or is it shiny cause it's oily and he needs to go use the separate shampoo and conditioner you replaced his ridiculous 3-in-1 with?

Whatever the case, you love him but damn can it be hard sometimes. Eren's passionate. SO passionate. He's quick to run off at the mouth when he thinks someone's outta line and speak up about injustices when he sees them. Situations with the first one sometimes lead to physical altercations. Luckily he knows how to fight and has that special whiteboy privilege that keeps him from getting into deep deep shit. But doesn't mean he comes out unscathed. And so there's a good handful of photos in your camera roll to document his injuries.

Kay next bit my brain took me on a tangent of seriousness. So feel free to ignore! Lots of me projecting to be honest.

Back to his passion about justice. It weighs real heavy on him learning more and knowing about all the different oppressive systems that the world's structures were built with. And while he's outspoken and tries to participate in grassroots organizing when he can, mostly like doing physical labor things. It helps him channel his emotions into productive things.

Patience isn't his biggest strong suit. And the slow progress of, well progress, takes a toll on him mentally a lot of the time. Making him withdraw and isolate. It can be tough to deal with, especially when all this shit is even more directly impacting your life. It can lead to some big blow ups and it takes, ironically, a lot of patience and commitment from both of you to work through them.

Lucky for you both, Erin's family--including his found family friends--quickly accept you into the family. They've all been dealing with Erin's passion bullshit and trauma a long time. So they're happy to step in or lend support when things get rough.

In the long run it strengthens your relationship because you learn to be completely open and honest with eachother and focusing on better articulating to communicate clearly the things bothering you both instead of him shutting you out and leaving you without support.

But it's not all depressy stressy and gloom!! With his friends quick to accept you completely into the fold there's bound to be plenty of antics and laughter. Can't help to be, especially with the trio of Connie, Sasha and Jean. Watching Eren throw his head back in laughter is always heartwarming. And kicking back with everyone, no matter where, just getting to be, and exist is always a comfort.

[jolapeno]

I’m not sure if you have been asked this but how did you make your banner image? It looks really good.

omg okay. I’m going to assume you mean my blog header image? and if so… (if you don’t, pls tell me what you mean and ignore my ramble)

so 💁‍♀️ I made it entirely in Canva (except the frankie gif, see below) and other than the actual magazine background (so the blank pages) each thing is a separate element.

the magazine I just typed into Canva “blank magazine” and a whole bunch came up (and I added the peeled up page in the corner to add dimension). The gif is all credit to @perotovar (who I did go ERIN PLS MAKE ME THIS IN B&W and because they’re my peanut, they did).

and then it was a case of layering, colouring and adjusting each individual element to make it fit.

the fonts I spent a long time searching through Canva, but I usually do a search on Google of “good font pairings on Canva” and then work my way through a bunch. I knew what style I wanted to replicate, in terms of a magazine, so I found an e-version of the magazine, and used a tool in chrome to find the font and then looked for one close to it in Canva.

in terms of the layout of the magazine, it changes monthly (if anyone has noticed) and that’s because I work in marketing and I get inspired by things and it’s like a challenge for me to see if I can do it.

I added the Polaroids behind for a bit of extra pizazzz ✨ and it reminds me of hope they caught us (and my crime board header if you were here for that), but that is also an element in Canva. and the lines on the right page are just two lines I’ve added because again, dimension.

as a rough estimate, this theme took about two/three hours? but I was able to reuse a lot from my last one (especially the text) and the last one took hours.

I think (no one asked) but the crime board I began and it took me about eight/nine hours… I say that because me and Erin watched Kingsman 2 and they went to bed and when they woke up I was just about finishing it 😂. so that might be the longest I’ve spent on a header for my blog. I say all of this not to brag, but to show that I don’t just whip these up in a heartbeat, I spend a lot of time sketching them out before I begin designing too, finding inspo and sourcing images that match my theme.

I rambled so much, but I hope this answered any and all questions! but I’m always happy to help with more! 🩷

[chloenotfound404]

Ok, sorry for another for drabbles, maybe Secondo attacking Terzo, because he pulled some fuckery or mischief?

~Erin

Drabble: Fuck about and find out

(Never be sorry for sending in anything! I love writing for our stupid cultish gremlins 🖤)

-

Characters: Terzo, Secondo

-

⚠️Warnings: tickling, very brief and light restraint with hands (pinning)

-

Summary: Terzo couldn’t be bothered to do his work and decided to ‘prank’ Secondo and ultimately got wrecked.

All day. All day Secondo had been doing his work in his office. All the duties for the ministry and the band that he had to do, since Terzo couldn’t be arsed to do them. Terzo, on the other hand, was nowhere to be seen. He wasn’t in his office or the common room where Secondo had looked for him. He wasn’t in Secondo’s own office or Papa Nihil’s either. Not the Rehearsal room or the Ghoul quarters. Secondo even managing to find Omega to ask where Terzo would have gone off to which Omega didn’t even know. Secondo, holding the stack of paperwork that he needed Terzo to do, was practically left aimlessly wondering around the ministry looking for his younger sibling.

He wondered back to all the places he had looked before just to see if Terzo had wandered back to any of those places. Still no luck. Secondo huffed, his hands clutching the stack of paperwork in his hand practically gripping into them as he went to check the Sister of Sin quarters hoping he wouldn’t find Terzo there. He had stepped past all to the main offices once again, coming up to his own. He had just walked past the door to his office before all of the documents were knocked from his hands as he tripped and stumbled forward. That little shit.

Terzo managed to hide around a corner after seeing Secondo try and find him, patiently waiting for his older brother to come back past his own office to try and pull this off. A harmless prank to make his stoic brother break. Or so he thought. The shit-eating grin was wiped off his face in a matter of seconds as Secondo turned his head from the now scattered and scrambled papers to his brother with the scowl that Terzo recognised all too well.

“You have three seconds,” Secondo growled, his body already moving towards Terzo as he talked. The moment Terzo heard the warning, he booked it down the hall, Secondo very close behind him already.

Terzo had barely ran for five seconds before Secondo caught him by the waist and pinned him against the wall of the common room. The moment Terzo got caught, he was already in fits of giggles without anything happening. His arms tried to tug out of Secondos' hold but they wouldn’t budge. “What did you think was going to happen?” Secondo asked, not even waiting a split second before vibrating his fingers into the very center of Terzo’s stomach. Terzo, who was already a giggling mess, completely crumbled into a string of loud giggles.

“You’re not all big and mighty now, are you?” Secondo added, watching how much Terzo was struggling to withhold his laughter and try to seem like the ‘tough Papa’ he was. It wasn’t going all to badly…until Secondo started drilling both of his thumbs into Terzo’s hips making the younger brother lose it. The giggles escalated to bright squeaky laughter which, surprisingly, earned a small chuckle from Secondo in response. “Now, tell me why you had me do your work whilst you messed about,” Secondo asked, knowing the answer he would get would either be a lie, not coherent or most likely- both.

Terzo tried to push Secondos hands from his hips now that his hands weren’t restrained but he couldn’t find the strength to push them off. “I-I wasn’t m-messing about! I was w-waiting for you!” Terzo barely managed through his fits of laughter, a small snort making its way out of his throat from how hard he was laughing which earned a small smile from Secondo.

“You know, you’re just like when you were younger. You’re such a shit liar,” Secondo commented, moving his hands to Terzo’s armpits. And that was where Terzo absolutely crumbled into his brother, his body sunk into Secondo’s in the cutest fit of bubbly laughter, snorts, hiccups and squeaks all pooling out through Terzo’s mouth as he struggled to even stay upright. His hands coming clamping down to his sides not helping the situation at hand either.

As much as Secondo hated to admit it, this was absolutely fucking adorable. He had missed being able to tease his siblings like this from the pressure of keeping up the stoic front he had. “I-I’m-I’m not lying!!” Terzo squeaked out, trying to move away from Secondo even though he was effectively pinned between his brother and the wall.

Secondo rolled his eyes and eventually seized the attack, adding in a few pokes to keep Terzo on his toes and alert as he caught his breath. “Sure you weren’t, now come on, you have those papers to now sort out again and sign before Papa gets back,” Secondo huffed, that stoic persona coming back as he dragged a still panting and giggly Terzo behind him.

[thedupshadove]

M*A*S*H/October Daye Crossover

And by "Crossover", I don't mean "The two sets of characters interacting with each other" (although I suppose, thanks to extended lifespans, that's also possible), but rather, "What if we infuse M*A*S*H with the worldbuilding and lore of the October Daye novels? Who should have what kind of lineage?" (I figure none of them are Purebloods, because as far as I can tell, Purebloods don't have to fight in mortal wars if they don't want to, and it's been a very long time since any of them wanted to. Whereas Changelings are sufficiently connected to Mortal society to need to worry about things like draft boards.)

Hawkeye: Ellyllon Changeling. "Healers and hedonists who enjoy pain and pleasure in equal measure" Yeah, that's him. His mother's supposed "Death" was actually her running off in order to spare him from the Choice, so he has no idea what he is or that Faerie exists. Magic Signature: Gin and Cranberries (will have shifted to Gin and Blood by the end of the war)

Trapper: 1/4 Satyr, 1/8 Gean-Cannah, 5/8 Human. I figure 1/8 is a small enough percentage that he'll have a muted form of the Gean-Cannah allure, but won't have the day-to-night sex-shifting. Magic Signature: Hickory Smoke and Mustard Powder.

Frank: Fetch Changeling, which would be possible as long as it was a Fetch in the form of a man, who found the time to impregnate a married woman and didn't have to carry the baby to term before the doomed person they were anchored to died and took them with him. It would explain why he's the worst Doctor in the camp (born from a literal death omen), why even people who agree with him usually don't like him (death omens seem like they wouldn't be the type to make friends and influence people--May is probably the exception), and his tendencies toward conformity and social jockeying (all Fetches used to be Night Haunts, and we know the Night Haunts have a tight-knit pack structure that picks their leaders through challenge, combat, and continually-reinforced submission. No wonder he can't stand Henry, the Least Leader-y Leader ever to hold military rank.) Magic Signature: Vinegar and Mildew

Margaret: 1/4 Banshee, 1/4 Siren, 1/2 Human. (Am I saying she might be related to the False Queen of the Mists? Well I'm not not saying it...) Magic Signature: Orange Blossoms and Black Pepper

Henry: 1/4 Cù Sìdhe. He's not stupid, he just wants for things to be pleasant and everyone to get along, you guys. Magic Signature: Oak and Suede

Radar: 1/8 Bannick, 1/8 Hob, 1/8 Faun, 1/8 Roane, 1/2 Human. Magic Signature: Sweetcorn and Soil

Mulcahy: Human. I haven't seen much evidence of this in my read-through so far, but I know that some folklore shows Fae Folk being repelled/bound by crosses/prayers/other Catholic symbology, so letting the Catholic Priest stay human was just too good a potential plot to pass up.

Klinger: 1/8 Glastig. Blood strong enough to make him instinctively want to solve his problems with bald-faced blarney, but not strong enough that it actually works. Magic Signature: Rosewater and spiced meat

BJ: Human, but even before getting drafted he was caught in a Fairy story and didn't know it--did somebody say Tylweth Peg? (That explains why deliveries of her cooking are always treated like such an event by the whole camp, and yes, this makes Erin a Changeling. Better hope the Choice doesn't come for her before you get home, BJ.)

Potter: 1/4 Tuatha de Dannan. Unconscious short-range portal-ing must surely have protected him well across the two World Wars. Magic Signature: Cast Iron and Wild Grass

Charles: 1/2 Daoine Sídhe, although it would maybe be more accurate to say that he's 2/4 Daoine Sídhe--his father was a more "typical" Daoine Changeling and so was his mother. Their whole little corner of Boston high society consists of Daoine Changelings who have decided that, as they are cast out and disrespected in the magical halls of their mothers and fathers, they must be content to conquer the Mortal world instead. As such he's maybe the only person in the camp who knows what he is and knows about Faerie. Magic Signature: Maple and Snow

Sidney: 1/4 Adhene. Admittedly I haven't encountered an Adhene up-close in my read-through yet, but I'm hoping that cutting the blood down to 1/4 strength will remove the "violent response to untruth" aspect, and it would be really useful as a psychiatrist to be able to intuitively be like "You're lying. I don't know what the truth is, but I know you didn't just tell it." Magic Signature: Coffee and Honey

[oswlld]

ive decided recently that im making myself commit to a full reading year for 2023. i really like what i have going on with my watchlist and plan to apply a similar system for my tbr. so far, i think i can manage one book and one collection of short stories/poem a month, ✨HOWEVER✨ i have no idea where i want to start.

i had a tendency to juggle two/three books at one time, which ended up with me having more dnfs than completed ones. not that anything i picked was particularly bad or boring, but having worked in publishing (esp in a position that led to severe burnout) made me feel like it was a chore when it should have been a source of comfort or enjoyment.

wanna get back into that without waiting for The Book to reel me in, yk?

in order to figure out what i want to read this year, i’ve decided to sample my nightstand and take it from there. i have 21 books that i have to cut down to 11 by the end of the month. got no real barometer for how many pages to start, but sufficient enough for me to really get a vibe before i move on. 

i will keep the sample list updated throughout the month and see where this goes. tbh, i hope this system sticks!

READ || PASS - The Starless Sea, Erin Morganstern ON THE FENCE? || PASS - Kaikeyi, Vaishnavi Patel READ || PASS - The King of Infinite Space, Lyndsay Faye READ || PASS - Harlem Shuffle, Colson Whitehead READ || PASS - The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, Taylor Jenkins Reid ON THE FENCE? || PASS - Crying in H Mart, Michelle Zauner READ || PASS - Cloud Cuckoo Land, Anthony Doerr (a dnf im picking up again) READ || PASS - Scythe, Neal Shusterman READ || PASS - The Gravity of Us, Phil Stamper READ || PASS - The Regional Office is Under Attack!, Manuel Gonzales READ || PASS - Superminds, Thomas W. Malone READ || PASS - Circe, Madeline Miller ON THE FENCE? || PASS - Ninth House, Leigh Bardugo (a dnf im picking up again) ON THE FENCE? || PASS - I'll Give You the Sun, Jandy Nelson READ || PASS - Babel, R. F. Kuang READ || PASS - The Fifth Season, N. K. Jemisin READ || PASS - Illuminae, Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff (a dnf im picking up again) READ || PASS - Originals, Adam Grant READ || PASS - The Forgetting Time, Sharon Guskin READ || PASS - The Atlas Six, Olivie Blake (a dnf im picking up again)

NOTE: i have an idea what will be on my shortlist for the short stories/poems, but i wont be tracking it as rigorously as the above; theres just no way i can turn off that part of my brain that wants to juggle stories, so this is my solution.

[karrenseely]

A Letter to my bio mother.

A few years ago my mother wrote me out of the blue, after having not spoken to me for 20 years. She ignored me when I finally managed to graduate college despite all she'd done to me, she (and the rest of the family) ignored me at my father's funeral, she ignored me when I graduated from medical school. That first year after she and dad disowned me I wrote to them about once a month. I never got a response. That Christmas I stopped by our house and dropped off Christmas presents for everyone (Mom, Dad, Sister). Mom wouldn't even look at me and retreated into the house. Dad basically told me to go away, I didn't belong there anymore. It hurt, a lot. Then a few weeks went by, and I got a box in the mail, I was excited because the return address was my old home, I thought maybe, they've finally accepted me and come to their senses. I opened the box and was immediately crushed, they had sent back all the gifts I'd worked so hard to find for them, unopened, still in there wrapping paper. So needless to say, I was very surprised to see she had messaged me on FB, and that old hope resurfaced once again. I opened the message and was crushed... once again. She had sent me a message to yell at me. This is the letter I would have liked to send back. Instead, I blocked her because it hurt so much, even now I second guess that decision because a part of me still wishes she could have loved the daughter she had.

The message I am responding to: "I just saw your go fund me page. Our hope in "cutting you off" was to leave enough time and space for you to grow up and really think about the huge step you were wanting to take. It didn't help that YOU told us it was our fault and then demanded that we pay all your medical expenses to have the surgery. You are as much to blame for the family separation as your Dad and I are. I will accept my part of that blame. I knew when we did it that we might never see you again but it was a risk both of us were willing to take because we were hoping you would not choose to take such a difficult path through life. It was a gamble and we lost, but so did you. You have a wonderful, intelligent, funny, sweet, smart family members you have never even met. Erin's kids, Paul and Kayla. Your loss, believe me. They are great great kids and that is not a comment just from their grandmother. We hear it all the time from other adults that get to know them. When you left I lost my only son, then I lost him again when you had the operation. Not having children you can not begin to comprehend the depth of that pain. Losing a parent doesn't even come close. God gave me a second chance to have a son in my stepson, Karl, and now that has been snatched away from me as well because he committed suicide in April. Do not underestimate the amount of pain and loss your family has gone through because of your choices. Your Dad, Mother, Grandma Seely, Grandpa Seely, and all your aunts and uncles grieved for you and the person we all knew and loved named [Deadname]. Fortunately, your Grandfathers never knew what you were doing as it would have destroyed both of them. Life changes ALWAYS leave huge ripples in the pond. I wish you well in your chosen life but don't place all the blame on the family YOU chose to leave behind."

Dear Mom,

I do not understand you. I am your daughter. I have always been your daughter. On some level I'm sure you've always known this. I'm sure as a toddler I said I was a girl. I remember doing lots of things that were not typical for a little boy, but certainly were for a little girl. So I'm sure you knew, though you denied it. You denied me.

I will always be grateful to you for letting me play dolls and barbie with my sister, for letting me get a doll instead of a transformer, for teaching me how to cross stitch, knit, and encouraging me to read. For teaching me how to do household chores and how to cook. For making sure I took my medicine and staying up with me at night when my asthma was bad, for sending me to camp Not-A-Wheeze, for not letting me die on those horrid nights when I couldn't breathe. For saving my ankle and my ability to walk. For going to bat for me when that teacher really didn't like me because I had such a hard time acting like a boy.

But this is also why you hurt me so deeply. Because I mistook you loving the son you thought you had, that you wanted, for loving me. I was hurting so much. By the time I came to you, I was desperate. I was already self harming, though you never knew. I had already gone through the process of accepting I was trans, not that I liked it, but it was the only way I knew of to find any relief from the torment of not being allowed to be me. I was dying. I was already fighting the shame I'd been taught. I'd already learned it was bad to be a girl, and that it was doubly bad to be girl that everyone insisted was a boy. I had desperately tried to hide it, I was terrified of being friends with girls, because I thought if I was, someone would learn my horrible shameful secret. I had been dealing with these feelings for years before I came out to you. And I knew, if I didn't get help, I wasn't going to survive. So I came to you. But you denied my feelings and called it a phase... except this phase had lasted for years, when I look back, it lasted as long as I could remember, though I didn't understand that at the time.

I was so lost and confused, my parents didn't believe me. I didn't know what to do, so I tried to last a little bit longer. I think I came out to you again. This time you denied I was your daughter again. Things were bad, really really bad. By that time, puberty had already started and was destroying what little comfort I could find in my body, worse, to my horror, my voice started to drop. I knew there was treatment to stop this from happening, and I so desperately needed it. But everytime I asked for help I was denied. Worse, anytime I couldn't hide the fact that I was your daughter you yelled at me, shamed me, made me believe I was freak, a pervert, a monster. I felt so helpless, so hopeless, and so very very alone. I broke. I know I stopped growing mentally at that point. I dissociated so much, that what memories I have are fragmented, and I got stuck at age 15/16 for years. I couldn't cope with the world anymore. Somewhere in there you sent me to a counselor. I didn't know you were hoping he would erase me. And he hurt me, he hurt me so much. I thank the gods and the universe that you didn't force me to continue seeing him, and instead sent me to the only female psychologist in that office... but it was in that office, it was impossible to fully trust her, I never was able to talk about how I was really feeling, because I never felt safe in that office.

I stopped feeling safe at home too, after I came out to you. My parents who were supposed to love, accept, and support me, instead turned on me. Demanded I explain why I existed, why I knew I was a girl. Adult's can't even explain this, and you demanded this of me, a child. And no matter what explanation I managed to draw up, it was never enough for you. Instead you twisted it, and used it to dismantle any self worth I had, any sense of safety I had with you. For some reason, looking back I have no idea why, I trusted you right up to the day you disowned me. I thought I deserved everything you did to me. I thought that if you didn't love me, then no one could. I never even tried talking to my only two real friends I had after you disowned, as I was convinced they would hate me too if I came out to them. Thankfully, I was wrong about that.

Sometime later, I began to learn that what you did to me was wrong, I began to understand it was abuse, but it didn't really sink in, until I was at a queer youth retreat and one of the sessions was about the power and control wheel. It was then that I really saw what you had done to me, that what you were doing to me was abuse. You gaslit me from the day I was born, and everytime I tried to tell you otherwise, you told me I was crazy, I was shameful, I was broken, I sick, I was wrong, I was sin incarnate. You did everything you could to try to control and erase me short of outright murder. Worse, you actually told me you wanted me dead. What kind of mother tells her daughter she wants her daughter dead?

At some point, my maternal grandmother got a hold of me. I think it was a letter via snail mail. I learned that she still wanted to have a relationship with me. She didn't understand, and she constantly misgendered me and dead-named me, but she at least talked to me and welcomed me into her home. Then a few years later after she moved into assisted living for awhile, she disappeared. There was no forwarding address, I had no way to contact her, you stole her away from me. By that time she didn't have the cognitive faculty to get a hold of me on her own. I never saw her again. You took away the only living relative that still wanted a relationship with me... Then years later, you dangled her contact information in front of me, like I had done something wrong by not talking to her all that time. And you told me she was dying. But by that time I had already grieved for her, I couldn't go through that heart break again, and she was so far into her dementia that she wouldn't remember me anyway... why reopen those old wounds. Today I understand that was my CPTSD (from you, my peers, and society's abuse) telling me to avoid anything that would hurt.

Then, seven years ago... gods has it been seven years? It still hurts so much. Seven years ago, you apparently found out about my project to try and create a halfway house for homeless LGBT+ kids. You decided to write me the last message I ever got from you. You blamed me for what you did. That somehow it was my fault that you disowned me. You know, that day that you cut me out of your life, out of our entire family, you showed me your love was conditional. I remember you telling me that you'd take me back if I only would continue to pretend to be a boy for you, but you would be monitoring me to make sure I wasn't letting the real me out. You shattered the love and trust I had in you.

Even if I figured out somehow that I was wrong and I was a boy, how could I go back to you? To parents who never really loved me enough to let me figure everything out, to parents whose love was so conditional. And yet you say you did it for me. That is a lie. You did it for yourselves in a last ditch effort to try and continue to control me to be your imaginary son. You didn't do this to help me understand "what a huge step [I} was wanting to take." I was already well aware, I had spent years figuring that shit out even before the first time I came to you looking for help. I knew what I was in for, I'd had flashes of it for years in the abuse I suffered from my peers when they saw the girl I was trying to hide. I knew it from all the research I had done, from the fellow trans people I knew online by that time.

I didn't choose to be disowned. You chose to not love me, accept me, or support me. You chose to disown me. I didn't have any say in the matter. And yes, how you chose to respond to my distress, my suffering IS your fault. Shaming me for being your daughter when you wanted your imaginary son. Shaming me for being a girl, for teaching me that I was something that needed to be hidden, something horrible, something icky, for forbidding me from talking to my sister about it, the only other person I had ever considered talking to about it after coming out to you, why? The only conclusion I could reach at that age is that I was so sick, so horrible, I would somehow corrupt her too. So I obeyed you and no, I never told her. She learned some of it on her own, but because I wasn't allowed to talk to her about it, she considered me a pervert. I never discussed any of it with her... not until after you disowned me.

So yes it is your fault. I WAS A CHILD! Worse, I was your child! Of Course I thought you would help me! It's why I came to you in the first place, it's why I kept coming to you. Because I WAS YOUR CHILD! I was your daughter and I was suffering so much. The only two paths I could see, that I could ever see was death or finally getting to be me, in a body that didn't constantly hurt me so much. But you denied me all of that. You denied me. You chose to do all of that to me. For what? For an imaginary son that never existed? You broke me. Of Course I blame you for that. I blame you for all the emotional abuse, neglect, and medical neglect you did to me. You were my mother, you were supposed to love ME, not some imaginary person you wanted instead, but ME. It is beyond twisted to me that you think I am as much to blame for what you chose to do to me. I didn't have a say in the matter. I had two options: live and be myself (while apparently losing everyone I ever loved) or dying. I chose to live. I refused to die for you. You haven't accepted any blame at all. You never did. All you do is try to gaslight me into believing that my being your daughter is somehow my fault. I didn't get the choice. You decided to create me. You decided to give birth to me. You decided to accept the responsibility of raising me. And then when I refused to be what you wanted... you threw me away like garbage. The only reason you never saw me again is because you never accepted that you had a daughter instead of a son. You never loved me. You wanted me dead and told me so yourself. With everything I went through growing up, it's a miracle I survived. To this day, I don't know how I did. Not with how much you tried to destroy me. You gambled with my life, hoping I would choose to continue to pretend to be your son, that I would continue to endure the constant torture of not being me. I would not have survived that. I barely survived at all.

Thank you for reminding me how much you took away from me. You took away my parents, my sister, my extended family. You took away everyone I ever loved. Thank you for reminding me that I have never been allowed to meet my niece and nephew, who by now are adults living their own lives. I pray to this day that neither of them were LGBT+, given the family they grew up in... it would have been a nightmare for them. I still grieve that they never tried to get in touch with me, that my sister never allowed me to be part of their lives.

You said when you disowned me you "lost [your] only son." But that's the whole problem. You never had a son. And you refuse to see this. To this day, you deny my existence, and blame me for it. And you assume I don't have kids. I have 3 wonderful kids who are becoming adults as we speak, or are approaching adulthood far to rapidly for my liking. They are amazing. And unlike my niece, nephew, and step brother, you chose to never have them be a part of your life. I am so proud of them. So please don't presume to know how I would understand the pain if I were to lose them. And please don't presume to think that the pain of losing a child is the same as losing everyone you ever loved, of knowing your parents hate you, of knowing your mom wanted you dead. The pain of knowing this when I was still just a child. These are two entirely different traumas. Please don't equate them. And please don't presume that it wasn't you who chose to throw your child away like she was garbage.

When father died, you ignored me, you tried to keep me away from his funeral. If my sister hadn't called me, I would never have known. And then at the funeral you never acknowledged my presence, no one from our family did. Instead you had your church lackeys try to push me out the door while I sat in that chair weeping, grieving. Did you know, that it was then that I finally understood you were not ever going to love me, accept me, or ever be a positive part of my life.

My grandfathers never knew the real me, because you made me believe telling them would kill them. I remember I tried reaching out to one of my uncles once, but it was such a hard conversation, and it only felt like they wanted to get off the phone. They never called me back or tried to reach out to me. No one except my maternal grandmother ever reached out to me in any positive way. So please don't tell me they all grieved for me, they chose to never talk to me again. They chose to cut me out of their lives as much as you did. I have very little sympathy for them, given when you disowned me I was homeless. I couch surfed throughout that summer. I really needed their help, since you refused to help me. Had it not been for some amazing friends letting me stay with them, and helping me get back on my feet, I would have ended up on the streets, like so many homeless LGBT+ kids. They chose to do that to me, just as you did. So no, I won't cry any tears for them choosing to throw me away too.

You mentioned that I had a step brother, whom I was never able to meet. You seemed to think you could replace me with him. I feel so bad for him, that you would put that burden on him. And then before I even knew I had a step-brother, he took his own life. I wonder every day if it was because he was LGBT+ and the abuse he suffered killed him. I wonder all the time if you abused him like you abused me. I wonder, what if he had been able to talk to me, get support from me, if he'd still be here. It hurts to know he died by suicide, because I wonder if it was for the same reason I almost died. I will always wonder...

You wrote this letter hoping to hurt me I think. You succeeded. You hurt me again. I had managed to live my life, find a family for myself. A family that actually loves me for me. Whom I can share all the joys and sorrows of life with. Whom got to see the joy I experienced when I finally got to be myself. When I didn't have to hide anymore. Who got to see me graduate college, who got to see me go to medical school, who saw me graduate and flourish. With three wonderful children that I helped to raise, and 6 others that are like nieces and nephews to me. But out of the blue, you wrote to me, to try to hurt me again. For what? Because I wanted to help other LGBT+ kids who went through what I went through? How petty is that? And yet despite everything I had accomplished, everyone I loved currently. You still managed to find me and hurt me again.

The day I got that message from you, was the day I was finally able to make a choice about our relationship. I'd never been able to before. It was the day blocked you from contacting me on FB ever again. Please don't try to contact me again. You made your choice, and it is apparent to me that you will never acknowledge what you did to me. How much you hurt me. How 27 years later I'm still in therapy over what you did to me. I've long since lost hope that you'll ever tell me you love ME and that you're sorry.

Sincerely, your daughter, always,

Karren

[evelynshq]

[EVELYN HARPER]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [AISHA DEE]. You must be the [27] year old [BARISTA AT BLACK CAT CAFE]. Word is you’re [RESILIENT] but can also be a bit [IMPULSIVE] and your favorite song is [BAD INTENTIONS BY NIYKEE HEATON]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [OCEAN CREST APARTMENTS] || @aurorabayaesthetic

tw: mental health, substance use, death

Full Name: Evelyn Hope Harper 

Nicknames: Evie, Eve, Harper

Gender / Pronouns: Cisfemale, She/Her 

Sexual Orientation: bisexual w a preference for women

Birthday: October 30th, 27 years old, Scorpio 

Hometown: Aurora Bay, California - born and raised, left for 10 years and returned three months ago

Residence: Ocean Crest Apartments 

Personality Traits: Impulsive, Indecisive, Creative, Adaptive, Resilient, Deceitful, Guarded, Resourceful and Independent

Face Claim: Sarah Jeffery

Height: 5’3” 

Eyes: Brown

Hair: Light Brown

Piercings: Ears 

Tattoos: planet & stars on her inner hip 

Hobbies/Interests: playing guitar, piano, flute, ukulele, swimming, hiking, biking, writing, reading, drawing, painting, crocheting, skateboarding, hockey, basketball, partying

can be seen dressed in a variety of styles- prides herself on her eclectic fashion-sense 

likes anything oreo

night owl over early bird

prefers warmer weather (spring / summer) 

favorite holiday is halloween 

favorite animals are giraffes 

favorite color is green 

smells like vanilla and honey 

favorite artist: Halsey 

Evelyn Hope Harper was born to a nurturing and supportive family. The only child to Erin and Anthony Harper - their pride and joy. It was a typical start with occasional disagreements, parents volunteering for school trips, last minute outings to parks, libraries, beaches, and vacations all around the west coast. Evelyn’s mother, Erin was a receptionist for the local dentist office with welcome all with the kind of smile that could allow the most pessimist an opportunity to smile. Erin was a warm hug through and through whereas Evelyn’s father, Anthony, was a marshmallow wrapped around sand paper. Anthony was a truck driver who would have to leave his family for long periods of time, always returning back to where he belonged. Anthony participated in as much as Evelyn’s life as his job allowed. He was the most vulnerable when it came to his daughter and the relationship they shared. Evelyn spent a significant amount of time with her father growing up, learning a variety of skills from how to play various instruments, how to start a camp fire, ice skating, how to unlock a locked car, and practicing situational awareness. Evelyn had scored the ultimate gift of a cohesive family unit. 

Evelyn was the type of child who wanted to explore the world’s greatest treasures - a true adventurer. If there was something that sparked her interest, she was going to give it a go. Evelyn loved to learn and treated the world with kindness. Her spirit had radiated a vibrant yellow, thanks to the environment that she grew up in. However, it wasn’t always peachy keen. At times there were days that had been filled with sadness, mistakes that were made and hard to forgive, and apologies that needed to be given. The world was a place with so much darkness to where Erin and Anthony made sure that Evelyn minimally had to experience those instances. While Anthony and Erin were great parents, they hadn’t always been so as partners to one another. Evelyn’s parents had decided that through all the rough waters that had faced together, they were going to put in the work, go to counseling, keep their little family together. 

Little did she know that her world was about to get smaller a short few months after her tenth birthday. Despite all medical interventions, Anthony had passed away due to injuries that he sustained during a fatal car accident. Anthony was on his way to a school concert for Evelyn after work and never made it there. Her father had anticipated in surprising Evelyn with a new guitar and Erin, a vow renewal ceremony. There was nothing that felt more catastrophic to the Harper women than the loss of Anthony. Their loss brought them closer together for a period of time and they were the anchor for the other. Although life was hard, they had the support of family and friends to lift their spirits. 

After three years, Erin had begun her own spiral of grief with limited availability to care for Evelyn. It had felt like a lifetime already without Anthony. Being the only parent, Erin had begun to feel the weight of how difficult raising a child was alongside all other life’s expectations. Evelyn moved around after school to various relatives and family friends because Erin had to “stay late at work” or some other rationale, which in reality,  she was driving to bars around town and finding her own way to silence the suffering. Evelyn watched her mother from afar fade away into a person that she no longer recognized. She starting showing up late to school events, was calling out of work in the middle of the week, and spending less time creating home-cooked meals. As a child, Evelyn was rather naive into the understanding of what was happening with her mother. 

Evelyn had her own struggles - grieving the loss of her father while also experiencing the distant of her mother. Evelyn couldn’t put her finger on why but started to wonder if there was something she had done to cause the change in the relationship. When confronting her mother about these feelings, Evelyn noticed how cold, withdrawn, and angry her mother had become towards her: she was a reminder of her husband.  Evelyn had a practice that was cancelled last minute and she went home on the bus that afternoon. During that afternoon home alone, Evelyn was going to surprise her mother with a home-cooked meal that a thirteen year old could do on her own. In the midst of looking for supplies, Evelyn had stubbled upon Erin’s drug paraphenlia.  When discussing this with another adults in her life, they had realized that the Harper residence was no longer a safe environment for her. This allowed for an intervention that Evelyn’s mother desperately needed. Erin went to receive support for her substance use, in addition to her mental health in order to be able to take care of her daughter again. It was a long road, but after two years between inpatient and outpatient treatment, she would gain her rights again. There were a couple of solid years where her mother stayed on the right path, and things seemed as if they were going to be better for the both of them. Evelyn’s mother ended up with a relapse when she was seventeen years old. Evelyn stayed with an aunt, finished out the rest of high school and decided to move to the east coast. 

Evelyn was trying to figure out what she wanted to do with her life and what her life was going to look like moving forward. Keeping it light, Evelyn got herself a job on the boardwalk selling typical tourist merchandise. While working her first summer in the new city, Evelyn met a man that instantly had her at hello. She got herself into a relationship that ended up being toxic, emotional, and controlling. She had been craving the ability to give and receive love that she had been blind for some time about what it looked like to have a healthy relationship. This relationship last for two years and so did the job at the boardwalk. Evelyn eventually found herself in a variety of working environments while living on her own and establishing her social network and other hobbies. Some of these places include: restaurants, ski resorts, record shops, animal shelters, coffee shops, arcades, bookstores, etc. She learned so many skills that Evelyn was able to connect with a wide range of individuals. Evelyn was the woman that nearly everyone could get along with. She was outgoing, adventurous, intelligent, bubbly, and confident. 

During one of her many employments after the boardwalk, Evelyn fell into a relationship with a man who would eventually cheat on her with a coworker. This wouldn’t be her last taste at poor intuition. Evelyn had been working at another one of her jobs and began a friendship that she hadn’t known she needed. It was the first time in a long time that she felt cared for. The woman brought back that vibrant yellow aura in Evelyn, allowing her to be an authentic version of herself without attempting to change who she was. It was refreshing to envision the future with a potential person that could provide her with the compassion that she had been desperately trying to replicate from, in different ways, the loss of both of her parents. After disclosing intimate feelings for the woman, Evelyn’s world once again came crashing down. The feelings were not reciprocated. 

Evelyn went into her own maladative patterns of destruction: shopping sprees, staying out until early in the morning, periodic hook-ups, and even her own drug use. Her feelings of hopelessness, isolation, and grief were so strong that Evelyn had to seek her own mental health treatment. For her, it was dark and uncertain. After receiving the support that she needed, Evelyn was stable enough to return to life. 

Evelyn decided then and there that she was going to go college and find something that she could turn into a passion. Evelyn wanted to give herself a real opportunity to establish a career. She eventually found herself returning back home not only to take courses, but slowly attempting to mend her relationship with her mother. Evelyn has been back in Aurora Bay for about three months. In that time, Evelyn has been helping her mother clean up the house and adopt a furry friend to provide her with some company. In order to pay for tuition, Evelyn seeked employment at the Black Cat Cafe. 

Evelyn recently moved out of her mothers house and moved into Ocean Crest Apartments, along side her partner in paws, Marley. She is looking for a fresh start in the place that she had always know as home. While feeling fueled with optimism of her new start, she still is on edge of others. She has lost trust and remains rigid on allowing anyone in about what she had experienced when she was on the east coast. For those who knew Evelyn before would had trouble picking her out of a crowd now. She’s superficial and vague but can carry a conversation if it’s what she truly wants. 

[threemoonwatchers]

So I went to a bookstore and got Thunder…

-Starting out the book believing Splashtail attacked her because let’s be honest he was the only one she told and the Erins are here for the drama

-“SHE WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE A MEDICINE CAT” OKAY WOW STRAIGHT UP

-Okay alright everyone’s suddenly respecting Nightheart something’s wrong

-REEEEEE IVYPOOL AS DEPUTY IM SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS ACTUALLY

-i forgot Spotfur named her kits after dead people zycjvjgufyvu

- (p. 76) wow sunbeam really said “language, Cap”

-(p. 92) not Whistlepaw being the entire Ninjago fandom to Frostpaw’s Lloyd

-(p. 98) please let the companion be Shadowsight please let the companion be Shadowsight

-(p. 102)oh come on please tell me it’s not Nightheart can it be Shadowsight just this once I wanna see them interact and become besties

-(p. 107) “They’d be kind of famous?”Like one of the lights in the mist??? Meaning IT COULD STILL BE SHADOWSIGHT???

-(p. 108-109) …crap it’s not Shadowsight

-(p. 114) I actually panicked for a second about Nightheart being gone and then I realized. Oh yeah. He’s with Frostpaw. Whoops.

-(p. 118) I just remembered the scene in Squirrelflight’s Hope where she and Leafpool were talking about Squirrelflight (or I guess Squirrelstar now this feels so surreal) being clan leader and Leafpool being her medicine cat and I just realized that they were sO CLOSE TO HAVING IT BUT THEY ACHIEVED THEIR DREAM AT TWO DIFFERENT TIMES and I’m sad now

-(p. 136-137) Rootspring: That’s my dad! :D

-(p. 141) Look at it, it’s got anxiety 🩵

-(p. 161) Nightheart I swear if you pull a Cinderpelt-

-(p. 171) I’m sorry WHO IS SPEAKING FOR RIVERCLAN???

-(p. 172) I keep forgetting there’s canonically a cat named Icewing and every time she’s mentioned my brain immediately goes to Winter from Wings of Fire-

-(p. 179) nope this plan of Berryheart’s has to be somehow connected to Frostpaw’s attempted murder

-(p. 207) hold on Cherryfall’s OLD??? Where the heck did the time go-

-(p. 221) hold on how do these two random dudes know about Riverstar???

-(p. 221) calling it now at least a few of em are gonna be taken into RiverClan

-(p. 224) Nightheart and Frostpaw: *casually infodumping about life*

-(p. 228) Oh HeY tHe MeDiTaTiOn WoRkEd WhAdDaYa KnOw

-(p. 230) haha yes think about Splashtail it’s gotta be him

-(p. 237) I WAS RIGHT LETS GOOO I WAS RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING

-(p. 237) Frostpaw 🤝 Lloyd: getting a love interest that ends up being the main villian of the arc said love interest appears in

-(p. 259) nOPE NOPE DUSKFUR’S GONNA DIE CALLING IT NOW.

-(p. 294) hOLD ON W H A T??? CURLFEATHER TOO??? Dude this girl is gonna have some serious trauma when this all blows over

-(p. 294) also was the vision of the curled feathers in the earlier books supposed to be a warning??? Or was it just her mind begging for a response to the need for a new leader??? Or is someone in StarClan working against them??? That whole vision just doesn’t make sense-

-(p. 313) “Curlfeather must be heartbroken that Frostpaw followed her to StarClan so soon.” Ahaha yeah about that-

-(p. 319) OH GAWSH ITS A FULL SCALE MUTINY

-(p. 321) how dare you make it seem like Shadowsight’s gonna be important when he’s not :(

-(p. 322) YESSS SLAYYY PUDDLESHINE

-(p. 334) OH MY GOODNESS WE’VE FINALLY DONE IT WE’VE FINALLY GOT AN EVIL MEDICINE CAT even if Podlight isn’t technically a medicine cat but shhhh

-(p. 338) UH YOU CANT JUST END A BOOK LIKE THAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW??? NOW I HAVE TO WAIT LIKE SIX MONTHS A G A I N ? ?

[heisttheblackflag]

For the AH asks!! 5, 6, 8, 22, 37, 38 and 49!

AAHHH thank you erin!!!!!

5: Favorite team? oh team short temper obviously. if I could be known for one thing in the fandom I want it to be my deep and abiding love for team short temper lmao. honorary mentions to team little britain/tea party and elden bros though; some dynamics I can't get enough of.

6: Favorite ship? ...I mean obviously it's jeremichael sdkfjsd. alfreyco, jeremavin, and the stream team are my other favorites though!

8: Favorite AU? FAHC BABY!!!!!!!!!!!! FAHC!!! I have such severe FAHC brainrot that my main original fiction I'm working on is inspired by FAHC lol. I also have an R6 Siege AU I keep meaning to write though and that's my other favorite!

22: What series got you into their content? my friend that got me into them showed me all the Offense/Defense GTA videos and that's what got me hooked, and then GO! is what really solidified their hold on me lol.

37: Favorite Minecraft mini-series? sky factory!!!!!!!!! I miss sky factory SO MUCH I used to rewatch it all the time. does it get any better than blood magic, Gavin and Michael getting engaged, Geoff's chicken farm, and the nuclear heat death of the universe?

38: Favorite GTA mini-series? CRIMINAL MASTERMINDS BABY. I genuinely really hope they redo crimmies at some point (hopefully w Jeremy still!) because they were so fun and good and I love it so much. honorary mention to cunning stunts though, those are the ones I rewatch the most I think.

49: What's your favorite RT production outside of AH? you know I gotta say Red Web. or Lazer Team actually; that was the first movie I ever watched with my girlfriend before we started dating and we're still together 5 years later lol. it used to be Camp Camp but uhhhhh yeah. Red Web though!!! I recommend it to people all the time!

(original post here)