#<- forgot that tag existed and I should probably be using it

[chibishortdev]

I think I’m starting to realize that the current project I’m working on is going to be stupidly hard to do entirely alone. Or, at least, that it is going to take a good, long while. That doesn’t mean I’m not still going to try making it, I just might be stuck doing a lot of test and side projects that are way smaller scale before I can get to “long super polished rpg horror game”.

Anyway— if anyone has any resources for the engines 2003, XP, or VX Ace, that would be very helpful. I have found a video on the coding language Ruby recently, but besides that a lot of the specific questions I’ve been having end up either not on the forums or unanswered on the forums. I’m also probably turning to asking on Reddit, even if it’s a little awkward.

[iris-drawssandwiches]

How do I have any semi working roblox game? Like I never learned to script and have just been taking preexisting scripts and just somehow bend them to do whatever niche thing I need it to do. I have a game project I plan to start on during the summer and I think I'll make it a public thing that I finish. I'll still use this horrendous way of scripting just for the bit. I might even do it as a real game but not sure what game making thingy to use so might end up still on roblox.

[evangelical04]

A Single Daffodil || 7

Summary: Getting arranged to be married to your long-time crush wasn't exactly the fairy tale romance you were hoping for. Nor is the dynamic of the marriage, with your husband treating you like you don't exist. But you're going to make this work, whether he cares about you or not. And he definitely doesn't...right?

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader

Rating: 18+ minors DNI

Word Count: 6.2K

Genre: angst, romance, unrequited love, enemies to lovers, arranged marriage au, businessman yoongi

Warnings: maybe some angst?? not really, it's pretty fluffy

Author's Note: hello hello!! i hope you're all well! sorry (again) for taking so long to get this out, but i think i'm as happy as i can be with this chapter. it's not perfect and i'm worried it'll be boring, but i like it, i think! well, i had fun writing it at least, and i hope you have fun reading it! it isn't super closely proofread so i'm sorry for any errors, i just wanted to get this posted today!!

TAGLIST CLOSED [follow asingledaffodil tag for all notifications]

@yoongisducky @kam9404 @sumzysworld @tarahardcore @viankiss @babystarcandyrecs @ktownshizzle @futuristicenemychaos @igot7fairlyoddparents @baechugff @pb89nv @peachytokki @ratherbfangirling @themwordsblog @daisies-and-dandelionpuffs @kimmalik @pastelpeachess @captainchrisstan @khaimahfe @kooklovee @whoa-jo @familiarlikemymirror3 @blueberriesm @llallaaa @purpleheartsandarock1 @lillmeowmeowsblog @this-most-assuredly-counts @kayleefriedchicken @ur-grandmum @sylviamuela @notarshia @minghaosimp @ilikekpop-c @maynina @rinkud @jesshujk @kimsaerom @suker4angst @mar-627 @maynina @pitchblack0309 @wobblewobble822 @praetae @yoongibaybee @weareatthebadlands

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The alarm blaring in your ear felt foreign and your eyes were bleary as you blinked awake, vision slowly coming into focus. Momentarily, you forgot why you’d set your alarm, having gotten too used to sleeping in the past two weeks, but your senses soon came back to you. It was your first day back to the office after your extended vacation in place of a honeymoon. 

The idea of it made you laugh slightly, like there was ever a honeymoon in the cards for you, but you soon silenced when you remembered the past weekend. Yoongi and you had gone on a semi-date, which meant that you would probably end up dating, which would lead to marriage (even though you were already married), and then a real honeymoon? Your head spun, it was too early to be overthinking like this. 

You finally silenced your alarm, dragging yourself out of your warm duvet and shuffling toward your bathroom. Sleepily completing your morning routine, you got dressed for work and made your way downstairs. You usually neglected breakfast in favor of a small snack before lunch at the office and you smiled at the kitchen counter, seeing a small container of riceballs that Mrs. Lim had likely prepared for you. You could hear her puttering around in the far room, seemingly doing laundry.

You grabbed the container, slipping it into your tote bag, and began walking to the door, before startling at Yoongi’s voice coming from the top of the stairs. 

“Y/N, wait a second,” he called, making his way down the stairs, “Want to go to work together?”

Your eyebrows raised at the suggestion, not even realizing he was still at home. Home? You supposed it was your home now. You weren’t sure when you had started to refer to it that way. 

“Sure, but I usually take the bus,” you responded, watching him gather his things and approach you at the door. 

“Oh,” Yoongi responded, slightly breathless, “That’s fine. I can take it with you.”

You thought for a moment, the Min Industries building was a block or so down from your own office, so you figured it should work out. 

“Okay, then I’m ready whenever you are,” you mentioned. Yoongi nodded, slipping on his shoes, “Let’s go.”

The two of you made your way to the bus stop in a comfortable silence, enjoying the bustling scene of a morning in Seoul. When you both reached the bus stop, Yoongi spoke up, “Do you have any specific plans this week?”

You closed your eyes, racking your brain, “No, not really. But I’ll probably working a lot of overtime since I missed two weeks.”

“Oh,” Yoongi responded, “That’s unfortunate.”

You smiled, turning to face him, “I’ll find some time for us to hang out, promise.” You brushed a stray hair off his forehead, making his eyes widen and his head quickly turn away.

You giggled softly, apparently you still had it. It was kind of fun to flirt with him. 

The bus soon arrived and you entered, scanning your card and making your way down the aisle before hearing the bus driver’s stern voice ring out. 

“Sir, your transportation card?”

You turned to find Yoongi with a confused look on his face, seemingly at a loss at what the bus driver meant. The scene made you shake your head and smile, reaching over to scan your pass once again and bowing an apology to the bus driver. You grabbed Yoongi’s wrist, tugging him to one of the empty pairs of seats and gently guided him into the far one by the window. 

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, “I’ve never actually taken the bus before.” He scratched the back of his head, you could see his ears tinging red. You squeezed his wrist before letting go, “It’s alright, I’d figured as much. It’s kind of nice to have company on the morning commute.”

Yoongi sent a gummy smile your way making you exhale harshly, it felt like one of the first real smiles you’d seen of him and it was breathtaking. His hard edges and steely eyes softened, it was a sight you wanted to imprint on your mind. You distracted yourself by opening up your phone and scrolling through some recent texts, feeling Yoongi’s presence boring into your own.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Yoongi take one last glance at you before grasping your hand in his own and entangling your fingers. It caused you to look up at him but he was already turned, facing the window, fingers still tightly gripping your hand. 

You felt the heat spread on your face but you settled into it anyway, enjoying the feeling of Yoongi’s palm against your own. The rest of the ride to your stop was largely silent, with you focused on the warmth emanating from Yoongi’s hand. You felt like a teenager with a crush. You were just holding hands! What was the big deal? Yet, it still felt like one. 

The scenery caught your attention when a cafe you frequented flew by, signaling that your stop was next. Yoongi seemed caught in the view from the window so you drew his attention by tugging gently on his hand, still flush against yours. He looked over at you questioningly before you started rising out of your seat. The bus came to a slow stop and you gently pulled him to the door, scanning your card twice quickly and exiting with Yoongi close behind. 

As the two of you stood on the sidewalk, you were unsure of where to go from here. Your office would be in the opposite direction from his, so it seemed that this was where you split ways. Yoongi didn’t seem to realize this as he began walking to his office, stopping when he felt the resistance from your hand, as you stood in place. 

He turned, ears tinged pink, “Oh, right, OK is that way. I guess this is goodbye.”

You smiled, untangling your fingers from his, “See you at home, Yoongi.”

His mouth parted before breaking into a small smile, “See you.” 

You turned quickly, feeling your cheeks warm, and started walking quickly to your building. All you did was ride the bus with him, yet it felt exhilarating, what was happening to you? You were supposed to be just friends right now, you couldn’t afford to fall this quickly.

Well, you supposed that nothing was really stopping you but yourself, but you still had your principle! You had to hold steadfast, you were the one who’d asked to start as friends first after all. 

Feeling your phone buzz in your hands, you glanced down to catch Namjoon’s name in your notifications. You opened his message while navigating through the crowds on the sidewalk, fantasizing about the iced tea in the cafe in the lobby of your building. 

From: Kim Namjoon

Good morning, Y/N-ssi! I managed to get tickets to that art gallery we were talking about, I stayed up almost all night, but it was worth it! I’ll send you the details when I’m more coherent, have a good day at work!

You smiled down at your phone, sending off a quick confirmation and well wishes for his sleep schedule. As you pushed open the doors to your office building, the cafe stationed off to the right felt like a beacon in the bustling morning office rush. The barista, Junmi, greeted you warmly as you approached the register, “Hi, unnie! It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, were you on vacation?”

You shot her a conspiratorial wink, “Something like that.” She rung up your order, knowing it by heart by now, and held out her hand for your card. You handed it over while your eyes raked over the bakery display next to the counter, but you knew you already had the riceballs Mrs. Lim provided. No way you can justify another purchase, even if it was for the softest looking croissant in the world. 

“Unnie,” Junmi exclaimed, startling you from your bread infused daze, “Your ring! Did you get married?”

“Oh,” you chuckled awkwardly, “Yeah, I did.”

“Wow, congratulations! Here, have a croissant, on the house. That’s so exciting! You’ll have to show me pictures sometime,” she smiled, handing you back your card before turning away to prepare your drink. 

As you walked past security gate toward the gate, awkwardly scanning your badge while balancing your breakfast, you took your first bite of the warm and flaky croissant. It seems like this marriage had more perks that you’d initially given it credit for.

Sitting down at your desk was a relief after navigating your curious and energetic team. You’d fielded questions about your marriage as much as you could, but you still ended up showing them a picture of Yoongi that Joohee had sent you from the wedding. Your team had commented on how handsome he looked and how happy they were for you, and from there, the energy calmed down some, with some members returning to their seats. 

The excitement had left you feeling conflicted, staring down at the picture of Yoongi that Joohee had sent. He looked handsome, definitely, his eyes were dark and piercing and his slightly tanned skin looked soft and smooth. You hadn’t realized how pinched together his eyebrows had been during the ceremony, or how bitten his lips looked. You swiped to the next picture in your messages with Joohee, seeing yourself and Yoongi during the reception. You both looked tired and miserable, making you frown at your phone. You kind of wished that you had a nice picture of you and Yoongi to show other people. Something to show when people like Junmi asked, one that made you look like a happy couple. You knew that Yeonsik had a stupidly cute picture of himself and his boyfriend as his phone’s lockscreen, and it made your stomach clench with envy. 

Maybe you should bring it up to Yoongi?

No, it was much too soon, you shook your head, dismissing the thought. 

Turning off your phone, you logged into your computer, seeing the number of unread emails rapidly increasing. You sighed, slipping on your headphones and starting some jazz so you could focus. 

Combing through the mountain of emails was tiring, but one caught your attention, even as your eyes glazed over. 

From: limheesungmarketing1@okgaming.com

RE: Influencer Campaign MIRA’S AWAKENING

Hello Team Leader Seo,

We have decided to pursue Jeon Jeongguk (user/sns:goldenboy97) as one of the main influencers for MIRA’S AWAKENING’s campaign. We have been communicating with him about ideas for the campaign and decided upon the following:

Early access - stream upon release day

PR merchandise - we are confirming designs with Graphics 2

Vlog/tour of OK Gaming on August 25 - this will include a tour of Planning Team 1 office space. Please see attached for video appearance consent form for your team and have it submitted to me by the end of the week.

We will follow up with more information as we approach the filming date.

Thanks,

Team Leader Lim

You had to read the email twice before you fully understood the contents. Shaking your head with a smile, you forwarded the email to your team and grabbed your phone to text Jeongguk. 

To: Jeon Jeongguk

Are you invading my office for your vlog channel?

The reply came almost instantly.

From: Jeon Jeongguk

morning, noona!

you finally got the news, huh?

i’m so excited, i can’t wait to see you working!

we should get lunch or dinner together that day!!

any preferences?

don’t tell hyung though

can i get your opinion on what i should wear, i don’t really go to offices often lol

You set your phone down as the buzzing continued, trying to contain your laughter. The kid was so exciteable, but his energy was contagious. You decided to respond to him later as you heard the quiet ding of more emails coming in. A sigh escaped you, you had promised Yoongi to find time to do something with him, but taking off two weeks so close to the launch date of your project and at the tail end of beta testing had taken its toll. It was clear that you’d be working overtime for the next few weeks.

Leaning your elbows against the desk and taking your head into your hands, you rubbed circles into the sides of your head. Thinking about everything you had to do was leading to a migraine and a quick look at the clock revealed that only about an hour had passed since you’d gotten to work. You felt your body sag in defeat, hearing the pings of more emails coming in. 

Pressing your head against the cool feeling of your desk, you tried to distract your mind from the overwhelming mountain of work you had waiting for you. Naturally, your mind drifted toward the past weekend with Yoongi. You could still feel the exhaustion of the emotional rollercoaster weighing on your bones, but the uncertainty of what the future would look like with him felt like prinpicks against your fingers. This weekend had changed a lot for you, changes that you weren’t sure how to deal with. 

Yoongi’s new attitude was also confusing, even though you fully knew his intentions now. The shift from trying to dismiss any ambiguous actions from him and steel yourself against any romantic feelings of your own to full transparency of his feelings toward you and your obligation to externally reciprocate was difficult to adjust to. You had been playing it by ear so far, going for a risky flirt whenever you felt cheeky, but it still felt unnatural.

It was hard to put it into words, but it felt like you were uncomfortable around Yoongi. Maybe you were still upset with him for what transpired with Jimin, after all, it was not too long ago, only a couple days really. Or maybe it was for what he said at the gala, the way he had dismissed you still irked, making you bite the inside of your cheek. Or perhaps when he’d been an hour late to your meeting before you’d gotten married, showing up with mussed hair, hickeys, and the heavy scent of a woman’s perfume. 

You blew a short and aggressive breath out of your mouth, Yoongi had really been an ass. More than feeling upset with him, though, you felt more upset with yourself for caving so quickly. You supposed it wasn’t necessarily caving since you weren’t starting out as friends through your own insistence, but you couldn’t lie to yourself. Your feelings for Yoongi were annoyingly persistent and only getting stronger with his newfound feelings and confidence in them. 

Why couldn’t you be stronger?

It felt a bit pathetic. You’d thought that you were doing so well in closing yourself off from him, shielding your heart from, not only from his attractive looks and seductive gaze, but from his biting remarks and harsh glares. As it turns out, not only did you still end up feeling hurt, but you only deeper for him despite your best efforts. Were you really even preventing anything that whole time? You bit your lip, squinting to make out emails through your blurry vision. 

Were you in the palm of his hands since the beginning?

Did you ever stand a chance?

Was this relationship more unbalanced than you previously thought?

Your eyes closed in defeat, feeling your headache envelop the rest of your brain. You wished that you could level the playing field somehow.

The harsh blue undertoned light from your computer was aggravating your headache even more. To give your eyes a break, you took a look around your office space, seeing your teammates in similar condition to you. 

The past couple weeks had been grueling, finalizing the post beta testing debugs, a last minute story adjustment, a heavy debate on the use of a mechanic your team was pushing to keep after some confusion in beta testing, and wrangling the graphics team to confirm and pack the shipment of merchandise had taken a heavy toll on your team’s morale and energy. This was always the worse part of development and production.

You’d barely seen your home since your return to work, spending over twelve hours at the office, catching the last bus home, scarfing down a mediocre, store bought kimbap, and crashing on your bed or the couch, whichever one you made it to in time. 

You weren’t going to lie, you were a bit frustrated that you’d barely been able to spend any time with Yoongi in the past two weeks, but a part of you was relieved. Your emotional state still hadn’t fully recovered and you were relishing the opportunity to delay the inevitable as long as you could. Even so, waking up on the couch with a soft blanket thrown on you and your hair brushed away from your face made your heart ache. To his credit, he seemed to be an expert in tugging on your heart. 

He was understanding, at the least. Even though you barely saw him, any time you did, he wore an empathetic expression and quietly handed you a can of your favorite fruit juice from the fridge with a small smile. Yoongi hadn’t had any complaints of your constant late nights and occupied weekends, which, in your defense, had been unavoidable and continual.

Today was no different, despite it being a Friday, your team was still working late into the night. A yawn off to your right, courtesy of Song Ha, drew you out of your drowsy trance. You blinked a few times, feeling the world coming back into focus, and glanced at the time. It was approaching nine and you could feel that nothing else productive was going to happen today. Wiping your sweaty palms on your leggings, you stood, “Okay, everyone. Let’s go home for today, we’ve done all we can. I want you all to enjoy your weekend this time, so don’t check any emails. If it’s really important, I’ll call you. Go get some rest and be ready to kick ass on Monday.”

Your team stared up at you gratefully, seemingly rejuvenated. The packing up was quick and efficient, everyone more than ready to get out of the stuffy and dreary office. As you were packing up your own belongings, your phone buzzed with a message.

From: Kim Namjoon

Hi! I hope you’re doing well. I know your game is coming out soon so you must be busy, hopefully you’re getting enough rest!

Just a question about next Friday, would you like to head over to the gallery together? I can pick you up. Let me know when you can!

Oh, that’s right, the gallery that you were supposed to go to with Namjoon was coming up in a week. You had forgotten in the chaos of work, but you resigned to text him back later. Getting home was your top priority. Though, now that you were thinking about you, you had a nagging feeling that you’d forgotten something else.

You bent down in front of your desk to log out of your computer, catching a flagged email a bit further down in your inbox, referencing the filming day that was involving your team. Your fingers snapped automatically, that’s what it was! You’d totally forgotten about Jeongguk coming to film the behind the scenes and doing a segment with your team. Rapping your desk to catch your team’s attention, you quickly reminded them.

“Just a reminder, this upcoming Tuesday, we have the filming team coming in here with Jeon Jeongguk. I think all of you signed the consent form, so you can all come to work as normal, but just be prepared that they’ll be there. You’ll have a couple cameras around and they may pull you aside for some questions, but that should be about it. Have a good weekend, guys.”

A chorus of goodbyes and well wishes rang out from your team, followed by idle chatter as they made their way to the elevator. You sat back for a minute, deciding whether you should text Yoongi to say you were coming home early or not. Was this early? It was almost nine, but it was relatively early to when you had been coming home.

Whatever, you’d just go home. No point in texting when you’d be there in about twenty minutes anyway, what would texting change?

You hauled yourself to the bus stop, feeling the heaviness of the day weigh down your bones. You’d given your team the weekend off, but the same couldn’t be said for you. You knew plenty of managers in the corporate world who could leisurely take time off work and the productiveness of their team wouldn’t change, but your team was, unfortunately, not the same. Your weekend would consist of monitoring your email for anything urgent coming in and making sure other teams were on track for the upcoming release, but at least you’d get a bit of a break. It was a bit like being on call, but you didn’t want to think about it that way, it’d make the unpaid overtime a bit too real. 

The sound of the bus approaching made you jolt to attention, stopping for a moment to close your eyes and stop your head from spinning. You had forgotten to pick up dinner, but you’d make do. There must be something in the fridge, and if there wasn’t, you’d make for some emergency fried chicken delivery. 

The bus ride home was peaceful, to your extreme delight. Late Friday night bus rides ran the risks of drunk and rowdy businessmen, energetic and loud college students, and excitable high schoolers. Thankfully, the bus was quiet and serene, soon stopping near your apartment. The trek up to the building felt more taxing than usual, dragging your feet along the pavement until you reached the elevator. The cool feeling of the elevator walls against your forehead felt refreshing, at least, but you internally groaned when the doors slid open and you had to move your feet once again. 

The click of the door to the apartment unlocking felt like an angel’s voice, and you entered the apartment only to be met with five faces staring back at you. Your eyes immediately found Yoongi’s, staring at you, a bit surprised, but he sent you a smile. You returned it weakly before trailing your eyes over everyone else, finding Namjoon and Seokjin on the couch and Jeongguk and Taehyung seated on the floor around the coffee table, seemingly playing some low stakes poker. 

How could you forget that Yoongi has his friends over on Friday nights? The gaps in your memory were starting to grow concerning. 

You gave a half wave before awkwardly closing the door behind you. What did you even look like right now? Your team had given up on any sort of professional appearance once the overtime had started and your team routinely showed up in sweatshirts, sweatpants, leggings, or pajamas at this point. If someone was wearing the same clothes as the previous day, everyone else turned a blind eye. You were sure that your hair was a ratty mess atop your head and your overly loose sweatshirt was drowning you in fabric, likely making you look like a kid playing dress up. Your concerns over your appearance dissipated when you felt a body slam against yours in a hug, arms enveloping your waist. 

“Noona! Did you get back from the office just now? You’re working too late,” Jeongguk exclaimed, squeezing you before releasing his hold.

You laughed slightly, “Yeah, things are busy since the game’s coming out in about a month, and since you get early access, we have to work even harder.”

Your joke made Jeongguk frown slightly, “Maybe I’ll catch some labor law violations in the vlog and you can win big in a lawsuit.”

You chuckled, patting his shoulder, “I’ll file after I get my new year bonus.”

You began taking off your shoes, having to face the rest of the group, who all gave you warm smiles, Taehyung and Namjoon both sending you a friendly wave. Seokjin sent a stern glare in your direction, facing his vitriol on the oversized young man behind you, “Yah, Jeongguk, leave her alone, she only just got back. What vlog are you talking about anyway?”

You opened your mouth to answer, but Jeongguk beat you to it, slinging his arms around you, a bit like a sloth hanging onto a tree, you noted.

“I get to hang out with noona all day on Tuesday since I’m filming a behind the scenes vlog for my second channel,” he responded, letting you go when Taehyung beckoned him over with the promise of a dangling chicken drumstick. 

Right, food. The chicken on the coffee table looked far too appetizing, but it felt rude of you to intrude so you tried to casually look away from it. 

“I didn’t know about that,” came Yoongi’s voice for the first time since you’d stepped into the apartment. It drew your gaze immediately, seeing a small frown on his face and furrowed eyebrows. Was he upset that you hadn’t told him? You suppose Jeongguk was his friend first.

“Ah, yeah, I’ve been so busy with work, I haven’t really gotten the chance to talk to you too much,” you said, trying to convey your guilt.

Yoongi shook his head, “Not your fault, you’d think that this brat,” he flicked Jeongguk’s forehead, who protested through a mouth full of chicken, “Would tell me that he was spending the day with my wife at work.”

Your chest bloomed at his choice of words, you’d rarely heard him refer to you as his wife, only at the reception of your wedding when talking to guests. Somehow, him using it now in such an intimate setting made your marriage feel all the more real. 

“Speaking of,” Seokjin interjected, “Isn’t your one month anniversary coming up? Are you guys doing anything fun?”

You and Yoongi both looked at each other, a bit at a loss for words. You hadn’t even thought about that, had it really already been almost a month? Somehow, it felt simultaneously shorter and much, much longer than that. You felt like you’d already spent a lifetime with Yoongi, but it’d barely been four weeks.

“I believe that’s on the same day as the gallery,” Namjoon said casually, snatching a small piece of chicken from Jeongguk’s clutches.

“Gallery,” Yoongi questioned.

“Oh, Namjoon and I are going to a gallery for an artist he introduced me to, we’d talked about when we met at that gallery a few weeks back,” you explained, trying to focus on the conversation and not how good the chicken looked. 

Yoongi seemed to be pondering his response when Namjoon caught your gaze on the food.

“Have you eaten yet, Y/N,” he questioned. 

You shook your head softly, a bit embarrassed that you were found out so quickly. 

“Join us,” Seokjin said, snatching the rest of the box from Jeongguk who pouted sadly, “You can have the rest of what’s in here and we can order more too.”

“No, you guys should eat that, it’s yours,” you insisted, feeling slightly childish with Seokjin’s suggestion.

“Jeonggukie ate most of it anyway, so we were going to need more,” Seokjin said, waving away your concerns, “We really need to start ordering multiple portions for him so he doesn’t eat all of it.”

You laughed and started toward the couch to join them, but took a quick glance at Yoongi’s expression to see if he was okay with it. The scene felt oddly familiar to you, reminding you of the last time you were invited to sit with them and you felt compelled to refuse.

Yoongi’s face looked unreadable, just like then too, but he seemed to be more deep in thought this time. He caught your gaze and smiled, though, nodding for you to join them. You gave a sheepish smile in response, making your way to the couch and sitting next to Namjoon, who had moved closer to the middle to make room for you. 

“Thanks, it’s been a long day,” you said, leaning into the soft cushions of the couch. You were going to have to be careful not to fall asleep, you were so used to collapsing onto this same couch after work. 

The food quickly arrived and the men continued to engage in conversation, making sure to include you, but you felt yourself getting drowsy. It seemed you had reached your limit when you felt your head bump into Namjoon’s shoulder in a sleep induced sway. You lifted yourself upright, blinking sleepily up at him, making out his soft smile, “Sorry, Namjoon-ah. I’m a bit tired.” You could hear yourself slurring your words. 

“No worries, Y/N, maybe we should get you to bed,” he responded, steading you again with a firm hand on your shoulder. 

If you had felt like a child earlier, you most certainly felt more like one now.

You felt Namjoon’s hands grasp your shoulders, gently lifting you to a standing position before a new pair of hands took over. 

“I’ll take her upstairs, Joon, can you make sure Seokjin doesn’t spill anything while I’m gone,” you heard Yoongi’s voice ask. Your eyes were barely open and your mind felt quite cloudy in your drowsy haze. Looking up at Yoongi, you caught his pensive expression before he looked down at you, sending you a small smile. He gently squeezed your shoulders and slowly led you up the stairs and to your room, you could distantly hear Jeongguk calling out a goodnight. 

You were barely conscious for the walk to your bedroom, feeling yourself lean against Yoongi for support. He patiently guided you, opening the door to your room and laying you down on your bed. Why did this feel familiar too?

Yoongi’s fingers brushed a few stray pieces of hair out of your face, you could feel the rough pads of his fingertips against your forehead. Almost asleep now, you barely registered yourself leaning into his touch as he brought his fingers around your face to cup your cheek. 

“Will you be okay sleeping in those clothes? Any makeup you have to wipe off,” he whispered, rubbing his thumb against your cheek. 

“No,” you mumbled, “I’m fine. Wanna sleep now. Goodnight, Yoongi-ah.”

You felt his thumb freeze its motions before he whispered back, “Goodnight, Y/N-ie. Sleep well.”

You were already asleep by the time he closed your bedroom door.

Yoongi felt conflicted over his newly realized feelings for you. In a way, it was freeing, being able to act affectionately with you without any ambiguity or restriction. Well, there were still some restrictions and maybe some ambiguity too. You were starting as friends, and Yoongi did think that was a good idea, he really did, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t dying to go further with you. 

His hands constantly itched to take yours and his eyes were always drawn to your soft and gentle smile. You had been smiling a bit more since that fateful weekend, and Yoongi was enjoying every second of it. 

Though, there weren’t really that many seconds of it to enjoy, considering your hectic schedule since your date. You’d been cooped up at your office pretty much every evening, a feeling Yoongi was familiar with, so he couldn’t fault you. Every time he managed to catch a rare glimpse of you in the house, you were either sleeping on the couch, or tiredly eating at the table. Despite your haggard appearance and exhausted demeanor, you’d always managed to smile a greeting at him and apologize for being so busy. 

Yoongi couldn’t find it in himself to be upset at your absence. Even though he was aching to be close to you and spend more with you, he knew your work was important and busy right now. Yoongi had to be patient, something he was not excited for. Your skin always looked too inviting, your lips too soft, and your eyes too alluring. He constantly had to reign in his wandering thoughts about you, even having to do a bit of overtime himself to make up for his distracted nature the past few weeks. 

Despite his growing attraction to you, whenever he laid eyes on your messy appearance with considerable eyebags adorning your sweet face, your lips forming a tired pout, in the multiple times he’d caught you sleeping on the couch when he went downstairs to check if you’d returned, his thoughts dissipated. You were clearly working yourself to the bone and Yoongi knew he couldn’t stop you, he’d been in your position multiple times. Sometimes, there was no other way around it. So he did what he could, a blanket covering your sleeping form, a small snack or candy slipped into your bag, or an extra serving of dinner waiting for you in the microwave, this was how Yoongi knew to show his love. 

Love? Was it? 

No, he didn’t think so. At least not yet. It was too early on to tell if he loved you, but he could feel himself starting down that path. He only wished that he could be in an actual relationship with you, though he knew why he couldn’t. His friends knew about the arrangement, he’d confided in Seokjin and Namjoon, but he hadn’t revealed his growing feelings for you, only that you’d decided to become friends. 

Maybe that had been a mistake, considering how close they seemed to be getting to you. Yoongi recalled how his friends had jumped at your presence when you’d entered the apartment. As he climbed into bed, he remembered how Jeongguk had stood excitedly at your arrival and immediately crushed you in an intimate hug. Had Yoongi hugged you before? He couldn’t remember, but it was all he could think about now. Jeongguk had mentioned that he’d be spending the day with you at work on Tuesday, Yoongi had never seen you in your office either. Suddenly, that single walk to work together all those days ago felt minimal compared to what Jeongguk was going to get to experience. 

You seemed to have grown close with Namjoon as well, Yoongi thought, remembering the way that Namjoon had smiled invitingly at you and the way you’d sat next him, bumping your head against his shoulder in your attempt to sleep. What was that? Yoongi felt restless, maybe he should’ve clarified his feelings to his friends so they’d know you were off limits.

Except, you weren’t. Yoongi knew that. He had no claim over you, he wasn’t your boyfriend, only your designated husband. Yoongi’s mind wandered back to the interactions between you and Namjoon, racing to analyze every interaction, despite his acceptance that it wasn’t his place. 

You seemed so comfortable with Namjoon, you’d even called his name so affectionately. Well, you’d said Yoongi’s name affectionately too, he gloated internally. That had been a sweet moment that he was going to treasure, you had been so placid and vulnerable, a side to you he hadn’t seen before. It had been hard to contain himself since he’d brought you to your room, feeling you lean against him and into his hand, he’d wanted to kiss you. 

But he knew better, he had to wait. Yoongi tried not to think about what would happen if you decided you only wanted to be friends with him and nothing more. He had already fallen so deeply for you. It was unexpected for him to fall so quickly and so hard, surprising even himself. You’d managed to wedge your way into his heart, making him uncomfortable, only to set up shop there and grow his fondness toward you. 

Yoongi’s mind drifted back to the earlier conversation, when Seokjin had mentioned your one month anniversary. Should he be planning something? He wasn’t sure. To be honest, he didn’t really want to celebrate your wedding day, it felt like it was yours. It was more for other people than anything. Not to mention, he didn’t want to call attention back to when he’d been acting so crassly. Yoongi cringed at the memory. 

Besides, Namjoon had mentioned that you two were going to a gallery that day. Yoongi was only slightly jealous, or that was what he was telling himself. Why did you have to have so much in common with his friends and be so personable? His envy grew at the fact that Namjoon would be spending so much time with you on your wedding anniversary, despite Yoongi’s earlier dismissal of it. How was it fair that the man you were spending your anniversary with wasn’t your husband, but his friend?

Maybe he should plan something for that day for when you come back from the gallery. The idea made him smile. He wanted to make it a special day for you, and with newfound determination to show up Namjoon, he would. 

previous / masterlist / next

[thezombieprostitute]

Nurse Playboy

A/N: Written for @the-slumberparty's December Daze Challenge.

Prompt: who invited them to the holiday party?

A/N2: Reader is implied female. No other physical descriptors used.

Warnings: Hospital setting, Implied cheating, Sick kids. Let me know if I missed any!

It was pretty well known that the pediatrics ward had the best holiday party in the entire hospital. It was important for the kids and their families and all the doctors, nurses, custodial staff and volunteers did their part to make sure everyone had a fun time while also still being safe. It was always such a big event in the best ways!

Though you were a cardiologist, working in a separate wing of the hospital, you'd gotten an invite from Jake since he was a nurse in pediatrics. You knew he was quite popular amongst the kids because he'd always encourage them in their interests. He never forgot which kid was into dinosaurs, which one was a Stardew gamer, which one just liked to color. It was a priority for him. It didn't hurt that his big, strong arms were good for carrying kids around, whether for fun, emergency or comfort. He made the kids feel safe.

You finally caught sight of Jake, helping to hand out presents. The sight of him brought an immediate smile to your face. He looked so ridiculous in the elf hat, but he was owning it and the kids loved it. You decide to stand and watch him, waiting until he had a break to talk to you.

Because you were wearing your casual clothes it didn't surprise you to overhear some of the other nurses whispering about you.

"Who invited them to the holiday party?"

"Should we get someone?"

"Let me go talk to them and see what's up."

One of the nurses walks up and introduces herself as Michelle. You recognize the name from talking with Jake. She's one of the ones who's always asking him to reach stuff on the higher and lower levels while ogling him. You give her your first name and tell her you're one of the doctors from Cardiology. You show her your ticket to the party and tell her you're not in scrubs because it's supposed to be your day off.

"And you're spending it here at the hospital," she shakes her head.

"Well, it's the best, most heartwarming party in the area," you shrug.

"Is it the party or the guy?" You give her a confused look. "I saw you eyeing up Nurse Playboy."

"Nurse Playboy?"

"Yeah, it's the nickname we gave him," she explains. "He's the best at helping the kids with their playing, especially gaming during some of their treatments."

"Aww, that's so sweet! I'll bet he loves the nickname."

"Well, we haven't told him that one yet," she confesses. "It's just for those of us who want to dig our claws into that well muscled torso of his."

"Oh! Oh my!" Your eyes widen in shock at her statement. You decide to have a little fun. "I'm surprised none of you have staked a claim on him yet."

She snorts, "well, rumor has it he's married."

"Rumor?"

"He tells us and the kids he is, and he wears a couple rings on a necklace. But we're not sure."

"Not sure or just hopeful you've still got a chance?"

She chuckles at that, "probably the latter. But there's no way his wife could actually exist. The way he talks about her!"

"She exists," you nod.

"What? How do you know?"

"She works in Cardiology. Over there they call him Nurse Puppy because he follows her around like a puppy, eager for attention."

"You've gotta be kidding me," she huffs quietly.

"I can introduce you, if you'd like." She goes to say something but you don't linger.

As soon as you're within his vision, Jake lights up. "Hey beautiful! Merry Christmas!" Quickly but carefully Jake navigates his way towards you and wraps you up in a big hug before kissing you all over your face.

Several of the kids start giggling, others making "ewww!!" noises that have you laughing even harder. Part of you wants to give Michelle a gloating look, but when you're in Jake's arms, the need to be petty subsides. She can see for herself that Jake's taken.

Tagging:

@alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @irishhappiness;

@lokislady82; @ronearoundblindly; @thiquefunlover63

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

In Bloom 1

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, allusions to trauma, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: After wasting much of your youth in a toxic situation, things are starting to look up. That's until you meet a certain flower seller.

Characters: Cole Turner, short!reader

Note: Tomorrow is beach day for me.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

The city streets seem to slant around you, looming outside the car windows, blurring at the edges. Your displacement adds to the effect, making your dizzy, leaving your hands raw as you wring them compulsively. You shrink back into your seat, shying away from the world that seems so scary to you. 

Aunt Bev is completely unbothered. She sings along to her favourite 80s bop as she keeps speed with the rest of traffic. She's always in a sunny mood but that day, she beams even brighter. When you asked why, she was almost stunned by the question; 'well, sweetheart, it's your birthday!' 

You forgot. Or didn't care. You never really celebrate. Your last birthday you can barely discern from all the other grim days. You try not to think of that life you had before Aunt Bev showed up to drag you into the light. You suppose it's probably been just under a year since. 

As if sensing your grey thought, she reaches to turn the volume down. She resumes her firm grip on the wheel and peeks over quickly. She smiles as she stops at the changing light. 

"You get a free scoop. You got your ID?" She says. 

You nod. That's one of the things that's new to you. Before you never even had a library card. Before, it was like you never even existed. As far as the world was concerned, you didn't.  

You look down at the purse in your lap. Your cousin Lena gave it to you. She said she never used it and it suited you better. There was a lot she handed over, though without any real concern. Her and your other cousin, Mason, have so much, they hardly know the difference. 

You stare at the embroidered petals on the black velvet. Lena's wrong. It's too nice for you. 

You tear your hands apart and lift the flap. You slide out the small wallet within. Another inherited piece. You slip out the ID card and stare at the photo. It doesn't really look like you but you've never really been able to recognise yourself. Your features always struck you as unfamiliar. 

You remember when you went to fill out the paperwork. Standing in front of that lens, staring into its black eye, and the sudden flash. You tuck the card away and shove the wallet back in the depths of the purse. 

"Lena's making you a cake," Bev says, "she always loves an excuse to make a mess of my kitchen." 

You try to laugh, it's more a crackle. That's the thing about Aunt Bev, everything is so careless to her, so easy. It all feels so strange to you. You don't fit but no one else seems to notice. 

"Mason should be there but heavens knows he's always late. That's not my doing, by the way, your uncle's always been horrible about time," she scoffs. 

You hum to acknowledge you're listening. The mention of your cousin and uncle make you uneasy. It isn't that they're bad. No, they're so nice, like Lena and Bev, but they're men. You try not to hold that against them but you've never been very comfortable around them. Not that you spent much time around male counterparts. 

"Twenty-five," she preens, "exciting." 

You clear your dry throat, "yep." 

You tuck your chin down and fidget with the strap of the purse. Twenty-five. Halfway through your first decade of adulthood and you still feel like a child. It's nothing to celebrate but Aunt Bev sees everyday as a reason. 

She puts on her signal and waits in the line of cars. You squint through her side and see the bustling of vehicles and people in a large lot. All this for ice cream. You told her you aren't particularly hungry even but she insisted. 

She turns and rolls into the lot, finding a spot amid the tight lines. She sighs and pulls the visor down to check her dyed waves in the mirror. She's always so put together. She tried to help you but you don't like the feel of mascara and you had an allergic reaction to the lip gloss. She didn't try again. 

"Alright, ice cream!" She snaps the visor up, "do you know which flavour you want?" 

You unbuckle your seat belt and shrug, "I don't know what they have." 

"Fair," she tilts her head as she opens her door, "I'm feeling a good old vanilla cone." 

You get out and shut the door. You hook the purse on your shoulder and meet her by the hood. You walk in step with her, peering around at the other people streaming towards the other side of the lot. There’s a large archway leading to a large plot of booths and stands. It’s a market of some sort, the kind you’ve only seen on television. 

“I thought we were getting ice cream,” you say as you grip your purse. 

“They have ice cream. I have another surprise. For your birthday,” she insists, “I wanted to buy you a gift.” 

“Oh? I don’t need one.” 

“I want to,” she says, “me and Lena used to come here all the time. You’ll like it.” 

You don’t argue. You have no right to. She’s doing you a favour. Another one.  

It’s crowded but everyone seems happy. You’re not used to all the noise or clamour. A woman pushes a stroller ahead of you as her husband chases a lively toddler past her. You press your chapped lips together and hold in your unease. 

You’re not the best in these sort of situations. Too many people, too much going on. Just going down to City Hall to get your ID was a lot. The hospital too. Those stiff, cramped plastic chairs and people filling even the space between them. 

You keep your shoulders curled in as you walk with Bev. You end up behind her, following her lead, stopping where she stops, looking at whatever she looks at. She points out a crystal sunflower necklace and you smile and nod. When you see the price, you frown. 

“Maybe something else. I don’t wear jewelry,” you say. You don’t wear it because you never had it. 

“It would be so pretty,” she remarks. 

“No, really, it’s... nice, but not for me.” 

You sidle on. There’s a table of soaps so pungent they make your head cloudy, and candles that look like whipped desserts. You cross to another booth and Bev buys some local honey and apple butter. She likes the honey in her tea in the evening. She always makes you a cup too. 

She shows you the wildflower honey giddily and points you onward. You stick close, following her direction as it keeps your head from spinning. You go to crocheter’s stand with stuffed animals meant for the children shouting and running around more than you. That whale might be cute but you’re not a child anymore, are you? 

You carry on. Bev shows you several other things. A little compact mirror with mother of pearl on the case and a hand-painted wooden chest you could put on your dresser. The dresser she bought in the room she gave you in the house she pays for. 

“You really don’t need to buy my anything. The ice creams good enough,” you say as your doubt bubbles over but it’s too loud for her to hear you. And she’s too distracted. 

Aunt Bev stands on her toes, though she’s already a tall figure, and waves at someone. She grabs your wrist and you wince as she pulls you through the swaths of people. You want to tear away as her grip makes you itch. You don’t like being touched. You’re not used to it. 

She pulls you to another row of stalls and stops before a medley of plants. There's a little chalkboard sign in the corner that reads ‘Cole’s Corner’. Pots line the top of the table, cacti and spider plants and succulents. Their green and lovely and lush. 

Bev lets go and you stare down at them. They’re familiar. They’re pretty. You could smile if your ears weren’t burning from the bustling people around. 

You’ve always known soil, always known the smell of pollen and the tough roots of unwanted weeds. When you weren’t trapped in your room, you were stranded in the garden, searching for bright petals or nursing wilting stems. Out in the dirt, you didn’t have to worry about anything. 

Often Aunt Bev found you in the plot she allotted you among her rose bushes and tulips. The space you made your own with the gnome you painted yourself. That was one of her little crafts she liked to do. She always had an idea for something or the other; waxed-linen to use as reusable bowl covers or tie-dye tee shirts. 

You stare down at a pot of aloe vera. The pot is clay; the base is brown and the top is painted white. You admire the jutting rigid leaves as the chaos around you settles into the background. You lean in closer at the burst of colour behind it, a bunch of pleasant pink begonias. 

“Cole,” your aunt chirps, “busy today.” 

“Sure is,” the man behind the table answers and your eyes flick up as you nearly jump.  

You hadn’t seen him. You were too distracted by the fauna. You don’t know how you didn’t. He’s tall and his blue eyes twinkle as they meet yours. You quickly shy away as the sight of his soft hay brown hair lingers in your mind. 

“This your sister?” He asks. 

“Oh, Cole, don’t be silly. You can flatter me all you like. You’re still a horrible salesman.” 

“Usually works,” he chuckles, “daughter?” 

“You’ve met Lena,” she chides then introduces you by name, “this is my niece. Hon, this is Cole. He grows these all himself.” 

“Ah, the niece,” he snaps his fingers. “I remember.” 

As he turns away you continue to peruse. Your cheeks are burning. You’re suddenly not as content to browse the plants. Not as you feel the sting of that man’s gaze nipping at you. It’s just the way he’d looked at you. Maybe just that he’d even saw you. 

Suddenly, a pot wrapped in burlap is set down in front of you. You examine the yellow petals and peek over at Aunt Bev. She grins and her gaze trails between you and the man. You gulp and turn back to once more consider the flowers. 

“Daylily,” you murmur. 

He leans in and lets out a scratchy noise, “that’s right.” 

You suck in your lower lip. You hadn’t meant to say it out loud. Your lashes flick up then down as you can’t figure what to do with yourself. 

“You like flowers? Your aunt says you spend all your time in the garden.” 

You shrug, then nod, and once more dart a look over at Aunt Bev. She said all that? To him? Why? 

“How about that one?” She comes closer as she reaches for her purse, “it’s her birthday. I’d like her to get something nice for her.” 

“Can’t go wrong with day lily. They keep bloom for a while but each blossom only lasts about a day,” he turns the pot slightly as he speaks, “symbolic of devotion and forgetting worries. They brighten the place right up.” 

“So?” Aunt Bev nudges you with her elbow. 

You dip your chin, “um, sure, okay. Thank you, Aunt Bev.” 

“Flowers are always a good gift. These ones won’t need much in the winter either. They’ll come right back,” he explains, “is that all?” 

“Yep, I think you’ve bled me dry,” Bev kids as she hands over her money, “I only have so much room left in the backyard.” 

“Ah, don’t got that problem on the farm. Sometimes, I don’t know what to do with all the land,” he counts out her change from a metal box. 

“Must be nice. I swear, living in the city can be so... suffocating,” Bev mopes as she tucks away the coins. “Go on, hon, you wanna carry your flowers?” 

You mutter your acquiescence and step forward to reach for the pot. Before you can, that man, Cole, slides it out of your grasp. “Wait, one minute.” He turns and digs around in a crate hidden beneath the perpendicular table, “it’s your birthday, isn’t it?” He pulls out a ribbon, the same colour as the daylily, “just put a proper bow on.” 

He ties it up in a drooping uneven bow. You peek up at his face as he gives it a helpless smile and shrugs, “not perfect but... happy birthday.” 

He pushes the pot towards you and you cautiously take it. His large hand brushes yours and you quickly bring the flowers against your stomach, recoiling a step back from the table. His fingers fall onto the table and he taps them. 

“Oh, wait,” he turns once more and digs around, this time in a bag on the top of the table, “Marvita brough these over from her booth.” He takes out a small box and lifts the lid to reveal an array of macarons in a variety of hues, “I can’t eat them all.” he shoves the box at you, “please.” 

You don’t move but Bev eagerly accepts one; a pink one. “Go on,” she urges, “live a little, birthday girl.” 

You scrunch your mouth up and slant it this way, then that. You take a cookie; a green one. As you hug the plant with one arm and retract the other, you remember your manners. A tingle runs through the back of your hand, a memory of those lessons, as the ‘thank you’ tumbles off your tongue. 

You look up and once more your eyes meet. You blanch and swiftly turn away. 

“No problem,” he says brightly, “hey, Bev,” he calls as she goes to shuffle away, “next week?” 

“Eh, I don’t know, my husband’s been on me about the spending,” she laughs, “we’ll see.” 

“Oh yeah, see you then,” he snorts, “you too, I hope.” 

“Uh, bye,” you wave with the cookie and hurry past your aunt. You know he’s talking to you but you can’t face him. He’s just being nice and you won’t be back. 

“I love those, they’re so pretty,” Aunt Bev reaches over to touch the petals, “such a nice man, isn’t he?” 

[galacticncrazy]

Loid Forger and Weakness (Analysis)

I was watching gameplay footage of What Remains of Edith Finch and towards the ending I thought about the idea of memories, and one thing led to another and I thought of Spy x Family, specifically Loid. It made me wonder if he ever did confront his past and what exactly weakness means to him.

(These thoughts may not be organized since it happened so late at night but bear with me.)

Initial Thoughts

I always thought about being taught that the idea of, "you have to be strong" which often goes hand in hand with this idea of "you can't show emotions". I feel like Loid constantly tells himself he can't be weak, buy what does that mean if his idea of being strong is to not show any emotion?

Memories

I don't believe it being so long ago is the reason he doesn't remember his parents faces, I want to believe he purposefully forgot what they looked like, and this probably applies to his actual name too. His home was destroyed, any and all photos of his family were lost in the debris, he burned his identification papers so there's also no record of him ever having existed. He said it himself that there is no one left who knows his name.

I should also mention how he remembers the faces of his friends and croquette lady. Loid remembering his friends faces are a given since he believed they had died during the first bombing but he later reunited with them when he was a teenager, only to lose them during a botched military operation, leaving nothing behind but dog tags.

While it may be random to include the croquette lady I feel that remembering her face is still significant given that she was the last person he spoke to before the bombs dropped, as well as being the first casualty he saw.

Memories (continued)

It may not mean anything but find it interesting that his name is hidden like this, maybe I'm thinking it about it too much but it's almost as if it were blocked out, much like how classified files have certain sentences edited out because of their sensitive nature. If he had forgotten his name it liked would've been blurred but instead it's redacted, this paired with not remembering his parents faces, it's almost as if he made himself forget, but why?

Weakness

I think his parents faces specifically his mother and his actual name are all that connects him to who was before, he likely still remembered up until he joined WISE where he was possibly taught to let go of the past, not because they didn't care about what happened to him but because it likely would've had an impact on his work, and he passed on that same mentality to Fiona, about spies not showing emotion, to stay alert and not be ignorant, because to him those two things are what make someone weak.

I find it interesting to believe that Twilight wasn't always this way but rather he adapted his own experiences and the mindset he was taught into him and realized that his emotions and overall ignorance is what led him to participate in a war, without even knowing why. The reason he did so was because of those weaknesses and that he needed to discard them. So it's no surprise that during his fight with Wheeler, but mostly Yuri, that he came to terms with the fact he's getting weak, because instead of doing what he would normally do if it was anyone else, he instead chose to spare him. If he was the Twilight that he was prior to Strix then he absolutely would've killed Yuri because he wouldn't have any reason not to, but he does, and in doing so that decision to spare him almost cost him his life.

"You're getting weak"

It all comes to a head when he recalls the event, he acknowledges that Wheeler is for lack of a better word, perfect. Someone that he himself used to be but somewhere along the away something changed. Twilight acknowledged that he was getting weak and the source of that weakness, was his small but still very present feelings for Yor, if those feelings weren't there and if Yor was just another person to use for the sake of the mission, then he wouldn't have spared Yuri but he did, for her sake.

While he may have been thinking about doubting himself while thinking about the encounter with Yuri I believe the panel still holds some weight, Loid knows he's starting to slip up and this time was too close of a call, he knows he's experiencing.

It may have happened long ago but it still relevant to how Loid is as a character thus far, that being Fiona's observation that his smile had a shred of genuineness to it when she visited, that bit of emotion being a result of spending time with his family, and learning to form connections again so it's only a matter of time before he actually expresses his own emotions directly in some capacity.

Closing Thoughts

This entire post came as a result of What Remains of Edith Finch, which I highly recommend people play as it has a nice mystery element to it as well as its overall themes of death and memories and being presented in such a unique way. The concept of keeping your emotions hidden and locked away is something I relate to which is all the more reason as to why I'd like to see Loid be more open about the way he feels or genuinely breaks down and lets all those bottled up emotions out, allowing himself to fall apart be vulnerable around people, specifically his family. There's this really nice artwork I saw once of Yor and Anya hugging a child Loid, and I always thought that externally Loid is a grown man but internally he's a child wanting someone to lift him up and tell him, "it's going to be okay".

[theresatzu]

Blue Lock characters and videogames

Featuring. Isagi Yoichi, Bachira Meguru, Itoshi Rin, Kurona Ranze, Hiori Yo, Raichi Jingo, Nagi Seishirou & Reo Mikage

Tags. crack

Prompt. Blue Lock characters and what sort of videogames they would play.

Disclaimer. Guys, if I forgot a game, or a character should be placed somewhere else, that's because I don't have much game knowledge, but the prompt seemed nice to try out.

Masterlist

Horror games

He would play the most revolting, horrifying horror simulation to have ever existed, and then say meh.

Every time a scare jump comes, his face remains a blank slate. Lips pursed together, as if assigning blame to the game for being so low-key.

- Itoshi Rin, Nagi Seishirou & Hiori Yo

Sims 4

He loves playing those family games, in which he can build comfy homes and organise well put-together interiors.

Gets so into the relationships, he actually becomes personally invested, even going so far as being genuinely excited about a successful relationship.

- Isagi Yoichi & Bachira Meguru

Minecraft

Loves playing either survival mode or dabbling in online games such as Bedwars, Skywars, or Lucky Blocks.

He gets mad to an extreme level during those heated games in Bedwars that it becomes concerning. But that is just because he's competitive.

In survival mode, you can bet he'll try to speed run things but miserably fail after dying from a Ghast or falling into a lava pit (Yikes).

- Isagi Yoichi, Raichi Jingo

Roblox

Roblox is a multifaceted platform in which there's a rich variety of differentiating games you can pick from.

Then why, pray tell, did he choose Adopt Me out of all of them?

Well, to antagonise children of course.

It's either Adopt Me or something like Zombie Attack. There's no in between.

- Nagi Seishirou, Hiori You

Fifa

Obviously, he plays Fifa. Duh, he's a football player.

Would form a team full of the best players to get peak results and to crush those poor souls of the opposing team.

He gets going to such an extensive length. It's as if he's playing in the match himself. He would definitely show a visceral reaction if he accidentally tripped someone up and received a card for that.

- Itoshi Rin, Isagi Yoichi, Bachira Meguru, NAGI SEISHIROU, Reo Mikage, Raichi Jingo

Mario Kart

Is a sucker for race games, especially if he's the one pulling in front.

Would genuinely spend much time to pick out his car and analyse the fastest and most efficient way to beat the course.

When he wins, he's like, nah, that was easy.

As if he didn't spend hours memorising the little shortcuts and the speed boosters of the map.

- Isagi Yoichi, Itoshi Rin, Mikage Reo & Raichi Jingo

Genshin Impact

Mains either the strongest character (in their opinion) or the MC.

Loves doing those quests, though, if the dialogue is a bit lengthy, he'll probably skip.

Will level up his characters to a reasonably level and maintain an iron-strong team that'll defeat every boss.

Dutifully completes his daily quests and/or daily monsters.

For some, the tea pot would look very aesthetically pleasing and authentic for others... a bit on the a-unicorn-puked-here, side (Bachira).

- Isagi Yoichi, Kurona Ranze, Hiori You, Bachira Meguru, NAGI SEISHIROU & Reo Mikage

Masterlist

© Don't copy, don't use this in AI or ChatGPT, or for other nefarious means

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

I'm so excited for these.

🔎🔎🔎🔎🔎🔎🔎🔎🔎🔎🔎🔎🔎🔎🔎🔎

🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸

☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️

🧑‍🚒🧑‍🚒🧑‍🚒🧑‍🚒🧑‍🚒🧑‍🚒🧑‍🚒🧑‍🚒🧑‍🚒🧑‍🚒🧑‍🚒🧑‍🚒🧑‍🚒🧑‍🚒🧑‍🚒🧑‍🚒

Thanks 😊.

Thank you!! I'm glad!

48 for 🔎

---

“Hi,” Buck replies. “Sorry if I woke you.”

Eddie shakes his head. “It’s okay. I, uh… I want to be awake if you’re awake.”

Buck snorts. “Like a newborn baby?”

Eddie’s cheeks redden. “No, I’m not… Look, I know you don’t even really remember me. I just miss you.”

Buck stops short, hand halfway reached to the cupboard. 

“Oh,” he says softly. 

“Oh?” Eddie asks. 

“I’m not used to that,” Buck says.

Eddie looks a little heartbroken.

“Whatever’s going on here,” Buck says. “I think… I think people wouldn’t miss me, no matter how much time I spent with them. Uh, someone fully forgot I existed after one work day, so… Yeah, I’m not used to that.”

“I could never forget you,” Eddie says quietly. “Not ever.”

Buck exhales. Kind of sucks that he’s stuck here. 

He finishes reaching for the glass and begins to fill it with water from the kitchen tap. 

“Did it work?” Eddie asks. 

“What?” Buck asks. 

“Sleeping,” Eddie clarifies. “Did you have any memories?”

Buck nods. “I think so.”

“About what?” Eddie asks. 

Buck takes a very long sip of water before answering.

“Uh… Well, I think it was about you.”

Eddie’s eyes widen. “Oh, um… Really?”

“Yep,” Buck confirms. Water in hand, he walks over to the living room and sits on the chair across from Eddie. “You were in it, anyway.”

“What was it about?” Eddie asks. 

---

48 for 🩸

---

The problem is, Bobby has been watching the house. He doesn’t want to call it stalking, but it’s probably in adjacent territory. It’s his house, anyway. His dream house. The one he never got to spend a single night in. And his wife. His stepkids. His life that he can’t have. And besides all that, he knows Athena is in trouble. He heard what May, Harry, and Buck talked about at the cemetery. He knows intervention is needed. 

He and Athena used to swoop in and save each other like avenging angels, whenever the other was in trouble. Bobby cannot be an angel for her; not ever again. But he can be something dangerous waiting in the shadows for whatever might threaten her. That he can always, always do. 

So Bobby is there when Banting drives by, the first night. He’s watching. He watches as Banting takes photos. He watches the next night, while Athena is sleeping, and he tries to put an air tag on her car. Bobby removes it, crushes it under his foot, once Banting’s car pulls away. But it doesn’t stop banting from coming back. 

On the night Bobby kills him, it’s very late. Past midnight. Bobby has been in the habit of starting his walk from the cemetery to the house as soon as it’s dark, keeping to the shadows. No one ever seems to see him. But this time, when he gets to the house, Athena is gone but Buck is there. Again, Buck is with May and Harry. 

He watches for a while. Peers through the windows, curious. Buck is cooking for them. They’re talking. Smiling. Occasionally, even laughing. Bobby is relieved. He is grateful. They’re helping each other. He only wishes Athena were in the room. Wherever she is, she should be in that room instead. 

Buck is long gone by the time Athena comes back. May and Harry have turned out all but the house’s porch light. Her car pulls into the driveway, and she steps out in a gown. She’s all dressed up, like she’s been to some ridiculously nice party. Bobby can’t help but gape at her. She’s radiant, even in the dark. She’s wearing dark red, a bloody sort of color. The irony doesn’t escape him, when he could smell her blood as soon as she turned onto the block. 

---

48 for ☣️

---

“Yeah,” Buck says. “Yeah, that’s… That’s the only option, right?”

“Okay, that doesn’t solve the problem of not killing Bobby in a freak crash,” Chim says. 

“I’m with Chim on this one,” Eddie says.

“Uh, okay, if-if we can get it to slow down enough, maybe I can teleport in,” Ravi suggests. “Take Mr. Incredible in here with me? He can’t get hurt.”

“I’m not strong,” Chim says. 

“Ravi, take me,” Hen says. “If there are guards.”

“Okay,” Ravi agrees. “Okay, yeah. Buck?”

“Yep,” Buck says. “I’ll just… Figure out how to cut off a transport truck without causing an accident or getting us killed. Because I am a stunt driver.” 

“Oh, come on,” Chim teases weakly as Buck picks up speed. “That wasn’t one of your failed career attempts?”

“Not quite,” Buck says through gritted teeth. 

Buck floors it. He needs to get far enough ahead to merge in front of the truck, then slow down significantly. That’ll cause the truck to hit its own breaks, but hopefully give them enough room not to get hit. 

“Alright, that’s it,” Eddie says encouragingly. “You can do this.”

Buck’s jaw is clenched so tight it aches. He thinks he’d be fine to do this in the car alone, as a solo driver. But he’s got four of the best fucking people in the world in here with him. Not a great time to take huge road risks. At least it’s all going relatively smoothly since nearly hitting the damn cactus. 

Then something not so good happens. 

One of the SUVs that is clearly escorting the truck gains on Buck. It’s directly behind him. If Buck slows down at all, it’ll hit them. It won’t have time to stop. 

“Shit,” Buck says. “Shit.”

“Get over quick,” Eddie instructs. 

But he’s too late. He’s not fast enough. The SUV swerves over, cutting between the Jeep and the truck. Buck can’t pull off his plan as intended. 

“Fuck!” Buck shouts. “What do we do?”

---

48 for 🧑‍🚒

---

He looks at his hands. They’re shaking a little. He’s a total wreck. If a call came through right now, he wouldn’t be in any shape to go on it. 

What the fuck is happening to him?

“Harry?”

Harry looks over his shoulder to see Buck has appeared on the roof. Stealthy, for someone so large and generally predisposed to being noisy. His expression is tight with concern. 

“Are you okay?” Buck asks.

Harry nods. “Yeah, fine. Just need a minute.”

Buck frowns. “Uh, you don’t look okay.”

“I-I will be. Just… Please.”

But Buck doesn’t leave. He takes a few steps closer and just sort of waits. At first it annoys Harry. This is embarrassing enough. He doesn’t need an audience. But then, slowly, it helps. Like Buck’s presence sort of steadies him. He has no idea why. 

“Was it the session today?” Buck eventually asks, when Harry’s breathing is a bit more regulated.

Harry considers denying it, but what’s the point?

He nods. 

“Yeah,” Buck says softly. “That fucking sucked.”

“For you, too?” Harry asks weakly.

“Oh, yeah,” Buck nods emphatically. “I think I spent three quarters of it crying.”

“I didn’t… I didn’t cry,” Harry says. 

Buck shrugs. “Well, hey, we all-”

“I talked about you the entire time,” Harry blurts. 

Buck’s eyebrows shoot up. “Uh, what? Me?” 

Harry nods. “You.”

“Why?” 

---

[fartasticdurge]

2024 Writing Year in Review

Fine, I'll pull a @alwaysmauria and say that when enough people tag you, you finally give in to one of them, albeit begrudgingly.

Words posted (on AO3): ~370k, excluding those I share with @strixamans and @vakariansyndrome, so probably ~330k

Fandoms: BG3 & DAtV

Skipping past stats. No one but those who sort by hits or kudos should care about this. And if you do, that's fine.

Fic I spent the most time on: Fated, my first baby. It's a gruesome 162,186 words-filled monster, but I love her for all she taught me.

Fic I spent the least time on: The Lord, the Thief, their Mistress & Fart's Lover, only because @vakariansyndrome did most of the heavy lifting after the words spewed out of us.

Favourite thing I wrote: Does Emmrich still know how to do dishes. It started off poorly, I couldn't get Emmrich's voice to sound less like Sherlock Holmes and House MD combined, but this story made me reflect on the process of writing more than anything had before. And it's probably no coincidence that it's currently ranked my most-read one-shot.

Favourite fics I read this year: I saw you guys doing 4+1 here, but fuck that. #tageveryone

Resonance by @tthisonebites and, honestly, anything you ever write. But that one was viscerally good and stuck with me. One of my favorite authors.

Midwinter's Rest by Professor_Rye. And not just because this was a gift from them, but they truly hit me in the feels with anything they write.

Waiting, Jealous Little Thing, Reckless Little Love, Drizzt, darling? Really? by @vakariansyndrome - you are a writing machine, woman. You edge me (in writing) like no other. And yes, that Halsin fic will forever be on my mind.

Not an exotic pet by Cesela. You made me love bats and I love your butt(inside joke).

Strange Highways by @nocryptographer and your poetry. Still have not finished it, I am afraid I will no longer hate Cazador. You are too powerful and someone must stop you before you ascend.

The Accountant’s Guide to Taking Down an Evil Vampire Lord (and maybe bagging Astarion while you are at it) by Cinnamontails - I have never inhaled a long fic like this one before.

Hunting Creatures by @strixamans and The Vampire's Verses to top it off. Thank you for tolerating me.

Apples by @alwaysmauria, also another writing machine. try and see if you can delete this message, Mauria (inside joke).

Catch Me If You Can and poems by @dramaticchimpmunk. seeing writing through your eyes has inspired me and reminded me why I write.

Walking on Eggshells (Ascended Astarion & Tav ), Painting Problems (Ascended Astarion and Tav One-Shot)  by JacksonCrowe. Jackie, my first writing mentor. Thank you for existing. Best first, loving AA fic I read.

I'm pretty sure I forgot people and that's on me, sorry.

Writing goals for 2025: Oh boy, do I have plans. Whether or not I act on them is another matter. My goal for this year is quality over quantity and I started taking steps towards that. Stay tuned.

New works for 2025: I will continue working on the short fics in the Bellara Lutare serials, which is currently the thing that brings me most joy to write about. And probably many short stories. I can't or don't want to commit to any long fics right now. I have too many wips that stare at me and I hope I might one day return to them, but likely not right now.

Here's to more writing in the new year and thank you all for being amazing human beings and writers who inspire! 🖤🥂

Astarion & Emmrich gifs for the long post as payment.

[many-of-mycelium]

some advice for those who are transautistic from a diagnosed cisautistic (pt: diagnosed cisautistic. end pt) based on our experiences, things we've seen other cisautistics experience, what we've researched over the years, and more sources we probably forgot (this isn't a joke btw) (also sorry if it's inaccurate or stereotypical, the other alter who knows a lot abt autism doesn't want to front right now (they might also be anti-transid but idk))

you want a special interest ?? get themed items or merch. talk about it to everyone you know. get introjects of it if you wanna be/are plural. be exited when an update comes out/something new is discovered/etc. we have a wall in our room dedicated to TF2 posters and postcards, i made (/hj) several important people read the Team Fortress comics, roughly every fourth alter in our sys is a fictive of a character from TF2/TFC, and for the past few weeks it was hard for me to stop thinking about when is Scream Fortress (TF2 event) was going to begin

tone tags !! we don't always understand if someone's joking or if they're mad at us so we really like it when people use them !! we also struggle to get our point across without them so we use them all the time as well !!

gender may be hard or impossible to understand. like i'm genderless but also a librasinguvoidrian fluix boygirl along with lots and lots of other things but also more of my source and strongest kintype than it is but also i'm none of those things. it fluctuates, it's static, it's somewhere in-between, this cannot apply to it. i hoard xenogenders, i'm not xenic in the slightest, everything in my life and then some affects my gender, it cannot be changed, i'm both a [f slur] and a [d slur] (not saying to avoid triggering other people), i'm cis, i'm the embodiment of transness, i'm space but also magpies and also cold purple, i'm-

stimming. pick some you can do by yourself (meowing, rocking back and forth/sideways, etc) and a few you need help with (washing your hands in cold/hot water, using fidget toys, wearing wet socks, listening to music, etc). suppress it or do it in public even when they make fun of you. make it as subtle (play with your hands/keychains/etc) or as obvious (spin/run in circles and scream as loud as you can) as you want

ignore social cues !! only the least obvious and most unimportant ones or all of them !! if you already don't get some of them, you can ignore the remaining ones you think are stupid !! we do that too !!

comorbidities. most(?) autistics also have ADHD. they are also more likely to be schizophrenic than allistics. many also have ARFID and/or intellectual disabilities. do you want/have these conditions as well ?? if yes, how do they affect your autism and how does your autism affect them ?? do you have multiple of them ?? how do they affect each other ?? how does your autism affect how they intermingle, if at all ??

sensory issues. many autistics can't stand the feeling of microfiber, some to the point that they physically pull their hand away after touching it as if it was a hot pan. background noise that one can't control is the bane of one's existence (/hj). we can hold cotton fluff in our hands but the moment anything even remotely hairy or cloth-like comes near our teeth we almost want to cry (slight exag.) music, ear protection, and noise-cancelling headphones are your best friends. not all headphones, though. earbuds are fucking evil incarnate and they should not exist (/hj).

i hope you liked our tips !! - Star

[silvermeww]

I see you tag a lot of things as 'kalosian woods', what does it mean??? is it like a project or a fic or something? 👀

Hey there anon! Yah, it’s a massive AU/rewrite thing I have for the XY anime (and maybe games??) that I’ve been planning for a while now. The name is short for ‘beware of kalosian woods; lovely, dark and deep’ and it’s up on AO3 at currently idk 6 fics?? Which is super funny since so far I’ve managed to plan out 60 fics for it and the numbers are getting higher as I go on lol. Anyways, this all happened when I got inspired by a friend to rewrite some scenes of the anime and then welp, it snowballed into a project of massive proportions that should, if I’m motivated enough, keep me occupied for a year at least ^^’

I guess I should say some things about it since I’ve been rambling on for so long, huh? Well, in my watch of XY (and many future ruminations afterwards) I guess my biggest problem was that almost everyone but Ash and Greninja got their narrative presence and story potential whittled down to almost nothing (if not downright nothing) as the series went on. The start had promise but afterwards? Straight off the series itself I can’t tell you much about anyone in any real deep capacity (and the sad thing is that I do care about at least some of them, but they end up getting the shortest stick ever :/). So, in this rewrite I’m shaking things up and giving everyone opportunities to develop and grow, try out new things and new bonds, let the Pokémon play around with each other and their Trainers (Chespin my beloved, why did you never exist beyond the butt if the joke when you used to have a Reason for Being in your origin ep?? ;w;), all that jazz. Also including some game plots and characters (AZ should’ve been there and in my essay), more fleshed out Team Flare, maybe Southern Kalos??? Still thinking on that. More dramatic and honestly more cooler Kalos Crisis where we don’t just have two 50% Zygarde and then Zygarde Rock, changing up the way Showcases are done (letting them be their own thing seperate from Contests while also having that creative flare), more lore for that Bond Phenomenon, etc. Basically I’m going to have fun with the playground of Kalos lore/locations and letting any character that was a character have their time to shine, so if there are any backgrounders that you may have taken a shine to, there’s probably a chance that I’ve written them in this big thing heh.

(My second problem is the lack of Legendary Death Bird and Life Deer in the series that introduces them—wdym the only time I can see them is in one movie for 5 minutes? And don’t get me started on the cameo in the camp arc.

So naturally I’m going to have them play a role throughout the series as well, down to the Crisis itself. Can’t have Squishy have all the fun :3)

So, I’m not sure if I truly grasped what this project is about, tbf I’m still planning it out as I go since I’ve always been a pantser, but it’s something fun for me and I hope that more people will come to enjoy it too! A mix of every genre, some crack interspersed within the fluff and angst, Sycamore adopting way too many children while placing himself in a self-made love triangle, lore and deep connections, history and its effects, life and death and order.

And being the best version of yourself. That too.

PS I forgot to add, my tag is basically a really funny spoilers-no-spoilers compilation of posts that fit the vibe of the whole series. Like the posts just resonates with a certain part of the series and represents it and I thought that hey, might as well make a tag that would make no sense to anyone until the series is finished while also giving myself inspiration and motivation. I should probably make a side blog for the project but that’s if it gains enough traction I think, like an askblog or compilation thing. Anyways lmk if there’s anything unclear in my massive ramble or if you want to know something more/else, I’ve really enjoyed this ask if you can tell heh :D <33

[whos-hotter-jjba]

Hey, I don’t know if you read the tags (I understand there’s a lot and you’re busy) so I’m sending through here.

I honestly feel like Over Heaven Novel Dio should’ve been considered in the prelims. If GUCCI Jolyne was considered for prelims, I think other non-canon should be as well. I genuinely believe it stood a chance in being considered since it is a well liked outfit even though it’s not commonly seen in fan art.

But, this is my main issue. The Shadow Dio pic chosen for the polls has like so little of his outfit visible, like really just his ass and a little lower lol. After all the bad outfits are out of the matches, he’s probably going to drop from the polls because Shadow Dio, in the pic you chose, really isn’t a full outfit, so why would it compete with full outfits? In fact I think he’s the only character that doesn’t have a top piece in the images you chose for the polls. I’m not complaining here, because I’m pretty sure I’m speaking for a lot of people here when I say he’s hot topless. However this isn’t a who’s the hotter character, it’s based off of the outfit.

In summary, if possible, I think Over Heaven Novel Dio’s outfit should be considered as I think it stands a better chance in the polls. If not, a better image of the Shadow Dio outfit would help (I know it’s probably hard to find an exact pic though because they are so many dang variants of shadow Dio in the manga lmao).

If you read this, I appreciate your time.

Including pic for reference.

Hey, sorry I've been ignoring this ask forever, there's been a lot going on, but I got other people complaining too so I wanted to address this.

This is exactly why I did the preliminary polls, and Dio had two of them. People voted for Shadow Dio, so that was the image I chose. I've redone other polls, but because they used images that weren't canon (Jobin and Daiya) or because I forgot outfit options (Koichi), but this isn't the case.

About Over Heaven Dio, I had no idea this novel existed, sorry. I thought you were talking in the tags about Heaven-Attained Dio from EoH, which would be non-canon and not drawn by Araki, but you're right. I considered Jolyne, Fly High with Gucci because it was drawn by Araki, and now I looked it up and Over Heaven was drawn by Araki too. But I fucked up and we're halfway through round 3 already, so I'd have to redo his prelim poll and, if the result changes, I'd have to redo 3 more polls to make it fair to every character involved.

I honestly don't think (personally) that the results will change. People picked Shadow Dio even though there were other outfits in which he was actually wearing more clothes, so I think Shadow Dio won through a combination of being iconic and horny. We can try, though, even though it's going to be a lot of work.

Remember that if Over Heaven Dio (or another outift in his prelim) wins over Shadow Dio, we'd have to redo his polls against Squalo, Reimi and Mountain Tim!

[alexawynters]

Scarlet Whispers pt 6

Gif not mine

A/N: I edited this while stoned. Probably not my best idea. Also this feels so filler. Should I upload chapter 7 as well??

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Female!Reader

Trigger warnings (let me know if I forgot to tag anything): Mentions of past child abuse, stalking, horror, dubcon, kidnapping, stockholm syndrome, gaslighting, angst, smut. There will be bits of fluff tho.

Rating: M. Minors DNI

Masterlist with parts 1-5 here

Chapter Six

The next morning, you found yourself unusually attached to Wanda, refusing to let her out of your sight. You had always disliked the idea of being clingy with the few friends you had, but with your mind in disarray from the events of the previous night, she was the only bastion of comfort you knew. Playing your games only reminded you of your suspicions, and the fact that you could only watch hard copies of anything had the same effect. Instead, you longed for the witch to hold you, alleviating your treacherous thoughts. Unfortunately, you couldn't express this to her without giving away what you had discovered, so instead you clung to her side whenever possible.

Not that Wanda minded, of course. If anything, she was wondering why she hadn't thought to arrange a little home invasion or something to draw you into her arms sooner. But better late than never, right? The witch cooed and fawned over you in her native Sokovian every time you pulled her back to you when she started to get up or go to her garden. Part of you wanted to ask her for a translation - she always called you some nickname or another - but you never had any idea. Another part just savored the way her language rolled off her tongue. You began to consider that you didn't need to know exactly; you could grasp the gist of it well enough.

Wanda, on her part, began sharing more of her work with you. She didn't reveal everything, of course, but she would show you snippets, especially since you were so intent on being by her side. She wanted to make you more familiar with what she was doing. The witch would demonstrate how she observed the multiverse using one-way portals she would conjure, to ensure your protection from external dangers. Naturally, Wanda made sure to only show you versions of the Avengers who would actually be a threat to you, who were truly evil in their universe. She hoped this would sway you further to her side, seeing the atrocities they would commit, the powers they wielded.

For sure this made you fearful of the Avengers. However, you never forgot what Wanda initially told you about her origins, her experiences with her versions of the Avengers, and your own involvement. The current situation didn't align with what Wanda had previously shared, sowing doubt to further creep into your heart and mind. These individuals were supposed to be heroes, just like Wanda once was. So why were they now posing a threat to you specifically?

That's what you couldn't understand. All Wanda seemed to care about was keeping you by her side, keeping you safe. But why would the "Earth's Mightiest Heroes" have any interest in you? You weren't a villain. Incapable of harming even a fly, you had never harmed anyone in your life, despite times when you should have defended yourself. So if they didn't want you, then who did they want?

Your gaze turned from the portal Wanda was observing to the witch herself. Could they want Wanda? You had witnessed what she had done in Westview, but she had done the right thing in the end. Surely that counted for something, not just in terms of morality but also with these so-called-heroes. Wanda wasn’t a villain.. Was she?

As you looked at her focused figure, you reflected on all the ways she had supported you. Openly confessing to journeying through multiple universes just to locate you; she rescued you from an abusive family, shielded you from the monotonous 9-to-5 existence, and brought you to your new home. Throughout your time together, Wanda had consistently shown nothing but care and affection, fulfilling your every desire. If Wanda was considered a "villain," did that moniker truly matter to you?

Captivating green eyes, flecked with bits of gold, sparkled with intensity as they met yours. In that moment, you made a firm decision: you didn't care if she was a villain. Perhaps you wished she had been more honest about her intentions and actions, but as far as you knew, she hadn't done anything truly villainous. If her "crime" was saving you, she shouldn't be punished for it.

"What is it, lyubov moya?" she asked, amused, having caught you in the middle of your intense gaze. Wanda wasn't sure exactly what you were thinking without reading your mind, but the way you looked at her, as if you had appraised her and found her to be the perfect answer to all you were seeking, made her feel weightless. Warmth bloomed in her chest as she gazed fondly at you.

Caught in your staring, you blushed and shook your head in denial, trying to hide any thoughts you may have had. Instead of responding, you leaned your head on her shoulder and wrapped your arms around her closest arm, indicating to her to continue her work.

Wanda smiled at you briefly before returning to her task. She didn't want to spend too much time observing the multiverse, as she had already set up multiple wards and alerts in case anything significant happened. It seemed that you wanted to cuddle, and she saw no reason to decline. Finished with her goal, arm in arm, Wanda led you to the living room and turned on the TV to watch the Dick Van Dyke show, knowing you enjoyed it almost as much as she did, despite its age. Contentedly, you nestled into her embrace, inhaling the faint scent of vanilla, and settled in comfortably.

Although you had decided to accept Wanda for who she was, you couldn't completely shake the persistent doubts in your mind. Those doubts crept into your dreams, turning them into nightmares.

Unlike most of your dreams, and even nightmares, these were fragmented. They appeared as flashes, resembling memories almost. In some of these fragments, a woman dressed in black and red was chasing after a man in a cape, and a teenage girl, as they hurried through what seemed like a monastery. The same woman in red effortlessly utilized puddles and mirrors to traverse through the monastery, pulling people back through. Although her face remained unseen, the outfit seemed familiar; a feeling of dread and unease overwhelming you whenever you came close to catching a glimpse. 

Unable to do anything, you were a helpless bystander to what was surely a slaughter. You hoped that this woman was just letting these people go, simply getting them out of the way. In your heart somehow you knew that was likely not the case. Suddenly, you had a close-up view from directly behind the woman, as she pulled another unsuspecting victim through a puddle, swiftly snapping his neck.

You woke up to the sound of screaming, and it wasn't until Wanda held you in her arms, turned you to face her, shushing you gently, that you realized the scream was yours.

It took Wanda longer than usual, but eventually she was able to calm you down and get you to go back to sleep next to her. However, you were uncharacteristically stiff and silent, a stark contrast to the affectionate person you had been earlier. Wanda was tempted to read your mind, but she had been making a conscious effort to refrain from doing so. She wanted the connection between you both to be genuine, and invading your privacy by reading your thoughts would not contribute to that. If it were anyone else, she wouldn't hesitate, but you were the one person whose privacy she respected and didn't want to intrude upon if there was any other way.

Night terrors were common for you, which was expected given your level of trauma, and how often you had them in Wanda’s presence. This one felt different to her. You had never recoiled from her touch before, even in the beginning when she first brought you to Wundagore. Wanda's touch had always been a source of comfort, capable of dispelling your fears. So why were you suddenly so tense in her embrace, as if you wished to be anywhere else?

Her heart clenched with fear and hurt that you weren’t comfortable sharing what had upset you. However, she knew that pressuring you would only make you shut down. Instead, the witch took a deep breath through her nose promising herself to be patient. It was incredibly vexing that she always seemed to make one step forward with you, and then two steps back. Wanda believed that you would eventually come to her, if given enough time. She hoped at least.  If Wanda couldn't trust you, then who could she trust? She couldn't bear to entertain that train of thought. 

Gentle rays of sunlight streamed through the curtains into your shared bedroom, rousing you from your restless sleep. The bed felt cold, and the delightful aroma of pancakes filled the air, wafting in from the kitchen down the hall. You concluded that Wanda must be preparing breakfast. Yawning, you got out of bed and padded your way towards the witch and the enticing aromas that made your stomach growl.

An adorable sight greeted you, causing your heart to flutter pleasantly in your chest. Wanda, clad in her favorite blue plaid robe, black pajama top, and dark grey sweatpants, dancing around the kitchen as she cooked for you both, listening to some 90’s pop. What a dork, you thought, affectionately. 

As if sensing your presence, the witch spun around. “Good morning, detka! Breakfast will be ready in just a sec!”

Your lips quirked upwards in a grin. How could this woman be so perfect, you wondered?

“No rush. Is there anything I can help with?”

Viridescent eyes twinkled with appreciation. Her girl always had such good manners, so sweet, so helpful. “No, dorogoya, I have it covered. Sweet of you to offer though.” Wanda walked around with your pancakes and set them on a plate in front of you, before placing a quick, but gentle kiss to the top of your head.

On contact, your body froze. A furtive glance cast in the witch’s direction but Wanda had already turned her back to you, completely unaware. You didn't understand what had just happened, but when the former avenger had entered your personal space, you felt an unexpected and almost overwhelming urge to run. Even now you were actively resisting it, trying to stay seated. It would look weird if you suddenly fled from the room, and you weren’t sure how to explain to Wanda when she inevitably would ask you why.

 Taking a few moments to breathe through your nose, you swallowed nervously and willed yourself to remain in place. What the fuck? What was wrong with you? This was Wanda, not some stranger out to get you. Gods, how traumatized were you anyway?

Before the witch could notice your discomfort, you quickly devour the breakfast she had prepared for you. With a disarming grin, you tried to regain a sense of normalcy by complimenting the chef. Wanda responded with a brilliant smile and plated her own breakfast before sitting down in the chair next to you. A soft, cool hand gently brushed across your lower back as she passed by.

This time, you shivered pleasantly, grateful that your body had recognized the familiarity that was Wanda, and she posed no threat to you. The anxiety that had been coursing through your veins just moments before began to fade. In an attempt to regain that sense of safety that the witch typically provided, you moved your chair closer to Wanda, earning yourself an affectionate look from the older woman.

Your behavior was a significant departure from the stiff and silent demeanor you had the night before, and Wanda was relieved that you weren't still pushing her away. If you had continued to distance yourself, she had resolved to read your mind without your permission to understand what was troubling you. Understanding that you had trust issues, and some uncertainty was to be anticipated, but Wanda was growing weary of every bit of progress being quickly overshadowed by your own lack of confidence. The witch contemplated how to better help you grow more than she already had been.

Conversation between the two of you flowed easily once again. Wanda had promised herself to be patient with you, although personally she knew patience wasn't her strong suit. For you though, she would try. A breakthrough in your relationship felt imminent. Maybe all you needed was a gentle nudge. Perhaps time for Wanda to stop allowing you to doubt her intentions and take a more direct approach with you. As ideas began forming in her mind, she had to muster her facial expression so as not to inadvertently reveal her plans for you, and how excited she was to surprise you.

A/N 2: ehhh... how are we feeling about where this is going? Again, edited when stoned so sorry if its... rambly.. Rambles? Words are hard.

Again thanks as always to @flowers-shouldnt-die as well as my friend Brooke for beta-ing these for me. You guys are so helpful and the best cheerleaders and I appreciate y'all.

Taglist: @dorabledewdroop

[agirlandherquill]

through the puddles of ink

since it's a new academic year, a new chapter of my life and i thought, since i've been on tumblr for around eight months now that it's about time i properly introduced myself - this would shock the person i was when i first started this blog, but as it's grown so have i, and i think university has indefinitely helped my confidence - so, without further ado, here goes i'll start this properly by explaining the title of this post - through the puddle of ink

ink is important because obviously it is the basis of literature, the foundation of stories and fitting to my blog name, you dip the quill in the ink to write, to forge an adventure that tests the imagination and takes a reader to wonderful places and puddles because let's face it, ink is messy, ink is chaotic, just like me, my characters, and my writing and because through the looking glass is a very iconic title i also watched that movie in the cinema years ago, i took inspiration, and here we are now - this post is a reflection of me, the beautiful nightmares and writing gremlins that co-exist within my brain and a way for me to get to better know my mutuals, anyone and everybody on writeblr!

here comes the scary part - only for me, and my semi-awkward self - introducing myself, i've never been very good at this stuff so bear with me - and have mercy on my nervous soul,

for the longest time i've loved the sort of self-imposed anonymity of this blog, and don't get me wrong i still do adore my blog name but I thought it was about time I properly introduced myself, so, let me just shuffle some papers in the library of my mind, find the right phrasing for this and... (cue angry hitting of the keyboard) hello! my name is Erin and i'm a writer, a lover of chaos, and a semi-functioning tempest somehow existing within society - i love and ramble about lots of different things - books, shows, songs, you name it, i can waffle and sometimes i can waffle well (that is how i am now going to describe my writing, because it feels like it fits so well)

phew, i got that out, that tiny paragraph was a lot of effort (and i've beaten writers block more often than i can count)

this little post might not seem like much, but to me it's a lot, and i'm happy to have made it this far, and i'm so looking forward to continuing to grow alongside this blog and writeblr (i love you all, no seriously)

and now onto some very much needed rambling about my works, because there's a lot the lovely folk of writeblr are yet to know (and it will come, in time, but here's what i can say for now)

Ruin's Reprisal - we all know the tale of this, my oldest, most functioning (cough, using that term loosely) work - well, where to start? well, i'm on the final stage of proofreading, and once that's all done i'm hoping (let's be honest, dreaming,) to have the final draft complete and out in the great wide world come christmas/new year (that is a courageous goal, even for me, but who knows, maybe i can pull it off, just maybe)

A Deal Of Daggers - it's almost time for nanowrimo, which marks two years since the idea for this first came to me, and i cannot wait to spend autumn working on it (not that i am participating in nano properly this year, what with student-life obligations, but i'm going to write what i can) and i've been steadily chipping away with a few chapters already

those are my two main works, and probably the only works i've been focusing on over the last couple of months - and i've fallen completely and wholeheartedly in love with them all over again, as i do, every single time i open the files on scrivener

as far as my tired but over-eager to write brain can think this should be it for everything i wanted to include in this post until the next post (which won't be long, i can guarantee it),

~ Erin, A Girl and Her Quill, or whatever this hellscape would like to call me :)

~ ~ ~

now for the tag list! (i forgot to add it when i posted, oops!)

(p.s if you'd like to be included/notified too, interact with this post :))

@humbly-a-doppelganger @imawholeassmood @frostedlemonwriter @yrndrgn @abditorywriting

@riveriafalll @lead-to-code @casualsuitturtle @floweryprosegarden @joeys-piano

@catwingsathena @godsmostfuckedupgoblin @nothoughtsjustmhaandotherthings @anaisbebe

@drchenquill @leahnardo-da-veggie @tiredpapergirl @pastelpinkhobbies

[daughter-of-sapph0]

hey, you found my pinned post!

I hid this on that one anon response because it's hilarious and I want it at the top of my blog.

i'm Queen

welcome to my blog. I hope you're not expecting a consistent theme or any sort of organization here.

I mainly just reblog whatever I like, but if you want me to tag something specific, let me know

im plural. all alters use she/her. i prefer to be called Queen unless you actually know me personally. i try and tag certain posts with headmates names but we forget sometimes

.

here's some of the tags I use:

#dostxt - original posts

#dospics / #maebhdos - my artwork

#asks - my ask tag

#my ocs - my original characters, mainly art and memes about them. just be aware that all my ocs are from porn, and 90% of that porn exists only in my head as of present

I have a few other blogs as well:

@maebhdos my art archive blog. (not really that active any more. i kinda forgot to use this for a while)

@lesbian-barriss is my star wars side blog, which is probably my least active but I still will reblog stuff occasionally

@best-evangelion-girl is my evangelion side blog. originally I started it for a silly joke poll competition, but I'm keeping it around so there isn't as much eva spam on my main. I also reblog a bunch of anime stuff like bocchi, fma, rtu, dunmeshi, and more. mostly just runs on a queue

@angel-in-shibari is my... uh... side blog. 18+ only. also contains a link to my ao3 and my writing

i don't feel like laying out all my politics and labels and whatever. I think if you've been following me for a while, you should know what I'm like.

you don't necessarily have to agree with everything I believe. but if your a dick or bigot or just piss me off, I'm blocking you without a second thought.

my askbox is open most of the time. but if i get hate mail or threats, i'm donating money to transgender organizations for every ask i get, just to piss you off.

[sophieinwonderland]

From some random post we saw while doomscrolling through syscourse(which, are you alright? You're the top poster, which isn't really something to strive for in one of the most hate and rage driven tags systems can find themselves in on tumblr... should take a mental health break every once in a while):

Because, frankly, the anti-tulpa narrative was manufactured to shutdown created systems, and present bigotry in a way that appeared progressive. People aren't actually against words from other languages and religions being used in new ways. They're against these words being used by endogenic systems.

As a pro-endo mixed/POC system who has spent hours upon hours trying to understand the tulpa language discourse argument- I'm honestly really fucking hurt by this hugely inaccurate assumption. I don't see how we're trying to shut down created systems, what i see is trying to educate and steer people away from a term that was created through ignorance, racism [albeit not forwardly malicious], and cultural appropriation.

Tulpa creation bears no connection to Tibetan Buddhism anymore —not that it ever really did, given this exact phenomenon is not actually mentioned to exist, ever, by, i forgot the name of the person who invented the term but i know she was a) white and b) racist in ways outside of this — but is still touted around as being connected and part of that spiritual practice.

It's not about "we dont want endos using this term." It's that we want the term to stop being used ALTOGETHER. We personally have witnessed traumagenic systems exploring creating headmates, and we have steered them away from using tulpa language in favor of "parogenic" as a term.

It saddens us that you can just so brazenly dismiss it as a whole as shutting down created systems while so much else is going on that you're choosing to ignore.

You have a good heart - do more research into why people are saying what they are and don't just dismiss them like that. Please don't speak over those people who are a part of the culture being appropriated, simply because of refusal to change.

And yes, we asked this on anon not out of cowardice, but because we'd really rather not start getting a bunch of death threats on our main blog.

-Enzo

Okay, let's try a thought experiment. Imagine for a moment that there are two universes. In one universe, the anti-tulpa narrative begins and is popularized because it's harmful to Tibetan Buddhists as an ethnoreligious group.

In the other, the anti-tulpa narrative is concocted and pushed heavily by anti-endos as a way of delegitimizing one of the strongest and most well-researched endogenic communities.

What would you say the differences would be between these two universes?

Personally, I think if one were to enter the first universe, you would find several things.

Anti-tulpa sentiment probably would have begun in the early 2000s as the internet was coming into more sidespread use and shows like Supernatural and X-Files would use tulpas as horror monsters.

Similar to above, once backlash started, it would be hitting all presentations of tulpas, including in creepypastas and its use by the SCP Foundation.

Much of the backlash would be coming from members of the Tibetan Buddhist community, including at least some spiritual leaders because yes, religions have hierarchies of leadership.

Well, what about the second universe? What would we expect that universe to look like? Personally, I would expect the following:

There would be zero trace of anyone ever taking issue with the tulpas in shows like Supernatural or X-Files prior to tulpamancy being formed.

All backlash would be focused solely on tulpamancers. Nobody ever would mention the SCP Foundation, Mandella Catalogue or creepypastas about tulpas.

Most of the anti-tulpa backlash would be coming from system circles, and would be heavily pushed by anti-endos. While you might be able to fund a small handful of Tibetan Buddhists who have been convinced by anti-endo rhetoric that it's bad, there would be no spiritual leaders getting involved and most Tibetan Buddhists you ask outside of system spaces wouldn't care.

Which of these two universes do you feel most resembles our own?

Before you answer, here's a fun thread comparing the differences in people's opinions on r/systemscringe vs those on r/Buddhism

When r/systemscringe is pushing a narrative that the word is appropriation while actual Buddhist communities on the same site shrug their shoulders and don't care, this should send up immediate red flags as to the legitimacy of this whole controversy, and which groups are actually interest in pushing it.

Now, I am not suggesting that none of the very small handful of actual Tibetan Buddhists who have taken issues with the practice don't legitimately feel as they claim to.

The problem with propaganda is that it's often very good at manipulating people's emotions. If it couldn't do that, it wouldn't be effective.

We've seen this with similar anti-endo smears, like the ones claiming "system hopping" was appropriated from RAMCOA systems. And sure enough, despite its use in the plural community predating any RAMCOA connection by a full 16 years, this claim still persisted. And some RAMCOA systems were even manipulated by these lies and convinced endogenic systems were stealing terms from their community.

We actually see this same tactic over and over again.

We see it with "system hopping" which they claim was stolen from RAMCOA systems. We see it with "sysmed," which they claim is stolen from the LGBT community. We see this with the very concept of plurality itself.

The fact of the matter is that this has become a core manipulation tactic in the anti-endo playbook, designed to sew division.