#[haven't been on tumblr for a while but am I the only one experiencing this?]

[grimowled]

;ooc

[bamsara]

Since you said you're in the mood to talk about your writing: do you always make a hard choice about which POV a chapter or section will be from (Lamb or Nari) or do you ever keep it fluid/omniscient?

Also, you said you've had "the dream talk" drafted for a while. Are there any other scenes you've had drafted for a long time and are just itching to get to in the actual story?

Love your writing btw!

Sometimes! It depends on what the scene is going to entail or any consequences that may come from it, or if I want the readers to know information that only the following-POV knows that they wouldn't have gotten from the other

Example: Following Lamb at the start of Drunken Gods means readers know that they have black out drunk memory, the mushroom issue in the cult is intensifying, and Narinder is pointidly missing and readers lack info of where he is, leaving readers to speculate until he's later revealed. If we were following Narinder, then yeah readers would know how he felt immediately and what he's been doing, but the discovery of the Lamb's lack of memory and the mushroom progression would have just been told to him by the Lamb instead of experienced with the readers.

A LOT of decision between following Lamb or Narinder lays in what information I want the readers to know at that point in time. There are things Narinder has been doing that are unbeknownst to the Lamb that the readers don't know about, and vice versa.

Also with drafted scenes: pretty much all art and comics I've drawn, including comics I've drawn on art stream but haven't posted yet (at least, not on tumblr, but they're on twitch and on the timeline in brief parts) I am so so so so excited to get the ball rolling on them.

One example is that I've had the Kallamar's fight and the aftermath written for months, and I first drafted it when I was finishing up chapter 8 I think.

[hyunverse]

lucky number five ☆ hwang hyunjin.

pairing: hyunjin x fem! reader. tags: fluff, drabble. words: 3k words. warnings: reader is referred to with she/her, called as wife. about: the five most memorable memories you share with hyunjin. note: i haven't written in a while, so my writing's definitely a little rusty. i hope you'll like it! please reblog, and feedback is very much appreciated <3 disclaimer — © 2023 hyunverse on tumblr. all rights reserved. authors works are protected under the copyright law. do not plagiarize or translate my works. tumblr is my only platform.

𝐨𝐧𝐞.

Five is Hyunjin's lucky number.

Hyunjin first met you when he was five. He had pointed out that you were wearing the same shirt as he was — and you've been attached to the hips ever since.

His first tooth fell out on the fifth day of Summer. He could recall holding the baby tooth on a tissue in one hand, looking up at his mother with puppy eyes. His mother patted him on the head and told him he had grown up. The tooth fairy gave him a single gold coin chocolate, too. Tucked it under his pillow where he placed his baby tooth. He remembers having a lisp until the tooth grew back — remembers how jealous you were that he had "grown up."

The first feeling of victory Hyunjin had ever experienced was when he won fifth place in a colouring contest. Truth be told, he could've easily won first place — but he wanted you to win over him just to see you smile, so he coloured messily. Though the trophy for first place looked glorious, he thought that the smile plastered on your face as you held a medal beat the shine on the trophy.

It was the fifth of May when you two started dating. Hyunjin remembers everything about the fated day, bit by bit. He could play each scene, each dialogue in his head like an overplayed radio song. He was merely sixteen, studying in an all boys school with little to no knowledge about dating. Boys his age didn't care about dating. They only cared about soccer and video games. While he cared about all of that too, a lot of the space in his heart was overtaken by you. Figuring out how to ask you out was tough, he had spent a lot of time pondering. He even gathered up the courage to seek advice from his friends, yet to no avail. They were barely any help. In the end, he observed television dramas and prayed for the best.

Under a cherry blossom tree, you sat on a bench. Your eyes were fixated on the sky as your legs dangled over the wooden bench. The clouds on the sky were huge, luminous — enveloping the sky the way lovers do.

"Jinnie!" Hyunjin heard you cheer as he approached you. The nonchalant look on his face immediately turned into a bright smile, his footsteps becoming more hurried.

Standing in front of you, Hyunjin was the perfect depiction of nervous. Both his hands dug deep into the pockets of his jeans, front teeth nibbling onto the inside of his cheeks and the little rocks underneath his foot tumbled as he kicks on them.

Hyunjin gulped, "Hi."

You tilted your head with concern, "are you okay, Jinnie?"

The concern laced in your tone reminded him of all the reasons why he liked you so much. You cared like no other — loved as though nothing could hurt you in this world.

"I am," he replied, rubbing on the back of his neck, "I just —"

"You don't have to rush it," you tapped on the seat beside you, "sit with me. You can take your time to tell me whatever that's on your mind."

So, Hyunjin sat. His legs reached the ground unlike yours, and his eyes fixated on the stain on his sneakers. He was painfully aware of the rapid beating of his heart. The urge to tell you his feelings were bottling up quickly.

Then, it spilled.

"I like you a lot," the words were muttered before Hyunjin could stop them.

"Hm?"

"I like you," he repeated. This time, he sounded more sure, looked more sure. The raven was looking at you, blinking sanguinely.

It took a while for you to process the words, for your jaw to relax and finally respond.

The first response came in a way where you slowly turned your head towards him, blinking profusely.

You stuttered, "like me? Like like, or just friends like?"

He sighed, "like like. I like like you."

"Oh."

There it goes, the rejection. Hyunjin had expected it, but it hurt nonetheless. You were the only person Hyunjin had ever liked, his best friend since kindergarten. His feelings for you ran deep. He was merely sixteen, yes, but he was well aware of how strongly he felt for you.

You didn't expect it, but he tapped on your shoulder comfortingly, as if to say, "I know you don't like me, it's okay."

You were right.

"I know you don't like me, it's okay," he comforted, "I just wanted you to know."

"No, I do like you," you confessed.

"What?"

"Yeah," you replied, breathlessly, "was just shocked, that's all."

"Oh."

Silence blanketed the two of you as the conversation exchanged slowly seeped into your brains. Hyunjin looked like he was simply admiring the view in front of him but really, his brain was going haywire.

"No, I do like you," the words repeated in his brain over, and over. They filled his brain with dopamine, the kind of rush that even his favourite football team winning could not replicate.

The five words which will be engrained in Hyunjin's mind forever.

"I like you a lot."

The five words which will be engrained in yours.

"So..." you broke the silence, "what now?"

Hyunjin's pointer circled against the wood of the bench, itching to hold your hand, "we... you know. Date."

"Yeah. Okay."

For best friends who have known each other for years, it was abnormally quiet for the two of you.

But it was okay. Hyunjin was content with the small smile lingering on your pretty face, and your hand in his — finally in his.

𝐭𝐰𝐨.

The sound of a pan sizzling and a kettle crackling seeped into the guest bedroom, though the sound of Hyunjin and his mother's voice caught your attention the most.

You were spending the weekend at the Hwangs'. Your parents were on a company trip that weekend and didn't trust you alone so naturally, they dropped you off there. You were about to take your morning shower, a towel slung over your shoulder when their voices stopped you in your tracks.

"You really like her, Hyunjin?" his mother asked, her voice the epitome of motherly.

She truly is the stereotypical loving mother — soft, and nurturing. Lunchbox ready on the table every morning, not a single football match of Hyunjin's missed. Treated you like the daughter she never had, braided your hair by the porch as Hyunjin ran around with his beloved dog.

"Um," Hyunjin muttered, silverware clinking against plate as he cut through a sausage.

You clasped your ear against the door, eager to hear more.

"You don't have to be shy with me, Hyunjin."

"I do like her," you heard him say, "a lot."

Crimson crept up your face, and you could picture his face doing the same. You could imagine the tips of his ears going red, and his mother looking at him with a grin.

"You want to marry her?" she asked jokingly.

"I do," he answered. Confidently. Surely. Absolutely no hesitation. As though it was the one sole thing he was sure of in his life.

"Oh, my Hyunjin," his mother cooed, "you're all grown up now!"

You didn't know what happened next, how their conversation continued because you were too busy stifling yourself from giggling giddily. Your back was pressed up against the door, replaying the eavesdropped dialogues in your head over and over. Overcame by excitement, you failed to notice the footsteps approaching the door.

Before you knew it, your head came in contact with the wall as the door swung open. Hyunjin stood in front of you, confused as you rubbed your forehead.

"So aggressive, and for what?" you grunted, looking up at him with a pout.

"Who told you to stand by the door like an idiot?" Hyunjin huffed. Nevertheless, he reached towards your forehead, checking for any bruises.

"You'll be okay. Next time, don't stand by the door like an idi—" he paused, "wait. Did you hear anything?"

You batted your eyelashes innocently, playing dumb.

"Hear what?"

Hyunjin sighed out of relief, ruffling your hair, "nothing you need to worry your pretty self about. Just go shower. I saved you some pancakes."

"Aw," you pecked his lips, "you're so sweet, and so caring. You must want to marry me."

He smiled, but the face soon contorted into one of annoyance.

"So you heard!"

"Heard what? The fact that you're obsessed with me and want to marry me so bad?"

"You're so annoying, y/n."

"You still want to marry me though."

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, "shut up, or I'll take it back."

He wouldn't.

𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞.

Exhaustion lugged on Hyunjin as he exited the entertainment building. He's been a trainee for a couple of months now, and the burn-out was no joke. A day with you was exactly what he needed. A couple of days spent with his home, his solace — and he refused to come empty-handed.

Thus, he roamed around the park, in search of wildflowers. Anything he could get his hands on, just as long as he could form a bouquet from them. Hyunjin ducked and moved around, pulling out any flower he deemed beautiful enough. A black hair tie tied together the ensemble of florals. He wished he had managed to get his hands on some ribbons but alas, he couldn't. For now, the black hair tie on his wrist would suffice.

You arrived right when you promised you would. Clad in a pretty yellow sundress, Hyunjin swore that you came right out of a daydream. He watched you wander around in the park for a while, admiring from afar. Even with a confused expression plastered across your face, he still found you gorgeous. A part of him wished that he was simply your secret admirer, so that he could keep watching you from afar for hours. Not being able to be around you would suck though, so perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea after all. 

“Y/n!” Hyunjin finally called you out, waving his hand to catch your attention, “here!” 

You whipped your head towards his direction, lips twitching into the cutest smile once you caught a glimpse of your boyfriend. 

An arrangement of colourful flowers was handed to you once you were in front of him.  You vividly remember how beautiful it was — petals of yellow, pink, and white which coincidentally matched your dress. Hyunjin on the other hand remember how you looked, the pupils of your eyes practically shining at the ensemble. 

“For me?” you asked, looking at him with big, bright, eyes.

Hyunjin nodded, “for you, of course. Flowers for a flower.”

“Oh,” was all that you could utter, overwhelmed by appreciation. You gently pet the petals, “they’re so pretty.”

“Really?” Hyunjin queried, “I don’t have any money. I wish I could buy you pretty roses and tulips, but I really cannot afford them right now. This is the best that I could do, and I’m sorry my love.”

“Don’t you dare say sorry, Hwang Hyunjin. The fact that you spent time to find these flowers means a lot to me, and makes them even more special. I love them, they’re beautiful. Thank you.”

He nodded, smiling sheepishly. All the worries he previously harboured immediately disappeared at your words. 

“Okay, love. Let’s go then, find more flowers and I’ll make a wreath out of them for you.”

Years later, and the flowers had long wilted away — pressed and put in a frame for display, resting on a table with vases of flowers accompanying it. 

Hyunjin never stopped gifting you flowers. 

𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫.

A yellow bus drove away, leaving two figures at a bus stop in the middle of nowhere. 

The outskirts of Seoul — only ever acknowledged as a place vehicles pass by. No stores, no houses in sight, just a lonesome bus stop surrounded by greens. 

Hyunjin would’ve never stepped foot in this place if it wasn’t for you. If it wasn’t for you climbing into his window and hysterically crying, he wouldn’t have purchased tickets to the middle of nowhere. He would probably be in bed and wake up at noon. 

“I want to run away,” you told him, hours before.

“Okay,” he replied, “I’ll go with you.” 

Normally, Hyunjin wouldn’t support your attempts at rebelling against your parents. Honestly, the words, “don’t be dumb and just say sorry,” sat at the top of his tongue, but they dissolved at the sight of your mascara running down your cheeks. He knew that even if he was to disagree, you would’ve packed your bags and left anyway. He would rather follow to keep you safe.

Plus, the boy knew that the rebellion would only last a couple of hours.

“Let’s sail off without a map. Just walk and see what we’ll discover.”

“Okay.”

God knows how many of those he already said to you that day. 

You walked, hand in hand, him siding with the highway. You looked far too relaxed for someone who was running away. Hyunjin, on the other hand, was terrified. If anything were to happen to the two of you there, nobody would be there to help. His free hand dug into his pocket, tightly clutching onto a butterfly knife. 

Minutes soon turned into an hour. Two people walking soon turned into one — Hyunjin ended up carrying you on his back after seeing that you’ve blistered your feet. He nagged about your choice of footwear, but amidst the nags, he still opted to carry you anyway. Your hands rested around his neck, chin on his head as he walked aimlessly, just waiting for you to finally cave in and ask to go home. 

“Hyunjin, look!”

“Hm?”

The boy turned around, gasping at the sight which greeted his eyes. A field of flowers stretched as far as his eyes could see, green plains decorated with splotches of colourful flowers. 

Before he could say anything, you were already running towards the field, screaming in glee. He followed in pursuit, taking in the breeze and letting blades of grass sway against his legs. 

“Hurry!” 

Hurry, Hyunjin did, running towards you and lifting you off the ground. Hyunjin took advantage of the seemingly infinite space to twirl you around, and run around until the two of you turned breathless, lying on the grass to look at the sky. 

“I love this place,” you mumbled between heavy breaths, “feels like something you only see in your dreams.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, rolling onto his side and propping himself up with his elbow. 

Quietly, he admired you. The tranquil expression your face held matched that of the sky. He couldn’t stop the hand reaching towards your face, calloused thumb caressing your face with the same softness of a feather. Each stroke of his thumb whispered, “I love you, I love you, I love you.” 

“Thank you,” your words reeled Hyunjin out of his daze, “for coming here with me.”

His eyes on you softened. 

“You don’t have to thank me. Just be around forever,” sat at the top of Hyunjin’s tongue and dissolved. 

Instead, he pressed a kiss onto your lips.

𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞.

Hyunjin asked you to marry him five years after you started dating.

It was the peak of his career. He was everywhere around the world, collecting awards and breaking records. The little boy who loved football slowly turned into a superstar. He had to bid goodbye to his quiet life, making space for all the glory the world had to offer to him. His name sat at the tip of everyone’s tongues, talk of the town — Achilles reincarnate. 

That was when he decided that he would have to marry you. For amidst all that glory, you were the only stagnant thing in his life. You continued to annoy and nag him as you always do. You continued to be the first person he thinks of when he wakes, and the last person he thinks of as he shuts his eyes. You’re always the person he has in mind as he looks for souvenirs, and when he watches old couples sitting on benches in different cities.

You, you, you. 

Always you. 

Boxes scatter around the living room, some opened and some not. It’s been a few hours since the moving truck unloaded all of the boxes. Honestly, you could’ve gotten so many things done if it weren’t for the two of you constantly procrastinating. 

“Just a five-minute break, babe,” Hyunjin whines, landing on a (still wrapped in plastic) sofa. 

You roll your eyes, “you’ve taken breaks like three times just this hour, Jinnie.”

He whines again, making grabby hands, “need my wife here right now or I’ll die.” 

The sigh which leaves your lips cannot fool him, because the slight grin on your lips gives away that you like his clinginess. You seat yourself in his arms, burying yourself in his neck. The familiar scent of fresh laundry and cologne fills your nostrils, washing away the exhaustion from the day. 

“Me, my wife, and a new house,” you hear Hyunjin mumble, “feels like a dream.”

You voice your agreement by humming. It’s when you stare at the boxes surrounding you that the reality finally sinks in. You’re married to the boy you met in kindergarten. His toothbrush will be in a cup next to yours, his mug will be in the dishwasher with yours, and your dirty laundry will be in the same machine. You’ll wake up next to him every day for what you hope will be your entire life. 

You smile at the thought, sinking yourself into Hyunjin even more. He’s holding you with one hand, the other rummaging through a box when he takes out a Polaroid, showing you it with glee.

A Polaroid of you and him under a cherry blossom tree, five years ago. 

“Isn’t this from the first day we started dating?” Hyunjin asks, blinking his eyes at you.

You tilt your head to observe the polaroid, “oh… Yes, it is, babe!”

He’s laughing, particularly at how red his face looks in the picture. 

“Oh my god, we have to recreate this picture soon, love.”

taglist: @zoe8stay , @starlostseungmin , @bakugossanity , @hwajin , @sleepyleeji , @skizzel-reblogs , @bbujiikseu , @byjeekies , @jdopes-recorder , @sherryblossom , @strayingawayy , @cb97whoree , @alyszaen , @aaliyahxsx , @jeonginsyoungestsibling , @hyunluvxo , @bokk-minnie , @ghostyycat7 , @fortunatelyhertragedy @yongbokkari @ameliesaysshoo @seoli-16 @jisungsdaydreamer @soobnny @jeonginwrld @kflixnet

disclaimer — © 2023 hyunverse on tumblr. all rights reserved. authors works are protected under the copyright law. do not plagiarize or translate my works. tumblr is my only platform.

[lotusmi]

SUCCESS STORY!!🤎🧸

tw//mental problems, abusive family, bullying, suicide attempt, manifest/void obsession

first of all i want to thank lotus because it helped me even when i was thinking about suicide❤️‍🩹

it's been years since I learned loa and I was having problems with the manifest. althought I have known loa for 2-3 years, i constantly reacted to 3D and for such reasons I could not manifest anything for 2-3 years. and when i first learned loa i was obsessed with void. I was hurting myself to enter void. like if you don't enter void today I will kill you. i was crazy because of void. at the same time, I was staying in the family environment that dragged me to death, and I was bullied at school . i was hated by people even though i did nothing. i tried to commit suicide many times, my family wouldn't let me go to the therapist. also, no one said anything to the bullying I saw. thats why I bullied myself for years in the same way. if I told anyone I was being bullied and asked for help, they would say it was probably my problem to my face💀💀 and towards the end of 2022, i seriously couldn't stand it anymore. i was constantly reading blogs [i think there is no blog i haven't read, lmao] and the last time i couldn't stand it, i tried suicide again, but i failed. later i wrote to lotus and she gave me a lot of advice (baby ily😩❤️) and i cried more than i have ever cried that night. the problem is that while people were already ruining me, the real problem was that i was ruining myself too. after that day, in the first week, i had so many problems in my manifest journey. but until 2023, i said to myself, "i don't want to live like this anymore. i deserve the life I want.” i made a promise. and every time I felt like quitting, i remembered my promise to myself. and now i have revised my whole life, i live in dubai🤭. if you're going to ask how i did this, i started to listen to my inner voice, i almost stopped entering tumblr. i stopped affirming and wrote down the things that i was gonna revise one by one, and added them to the notes app on my phone. i made a note at the bottom that I already have these in my life. when “what if I can't manifest the life I want?” if such thoughts came to my mind, i told myself that the creation was already finished. in this process, i focused only on myself and was developing my self concept. before I went to bed at night, i was constantly imagining the life I wanted and I was staying in that state and saying I already had the life I wanted, I didn't affirm anything extra. and even those who made life difficult for me started to apologize to me. (i manifested their karma life lol) anyway I don't want to talk more about those bitches but I want to mention this. please take a break. relax. stay away from things like void, loa for a few days. I noticed that some of you are obsessed with void on this blog. but i must say void is just a method. if i manifested the life i wanted when i was only 12-13 years old, you can do it too. take a break and do what feels good to you. love yourself. loa blogs can help you up to a point. they can't spare all their days for you. start taking responsibility. find manifest methods that work well for you. love yourself. meditate. i’ve talked a lot but I would like to add that, if someone tells you that you are the cause of the circumstances you are experiencing right now, that you created the conditions in which you live, please tell them to shut their fucking mouths. no such thing. i was blaming myself again, thinking what a disgusting monster i am just because this “you create ur reality” thingy. but the truth is that creation is already over. good luck!

MY FAV SUCCESS STORY TO EXIST!!!! 😭

I literally cried when this girl texted me saying she is living her dream life, I was so pround, I am pround 💗

Backstory, she first texted me 12/15/2022

She told me everything about her circumstances, they were really bad ones, and she was 12 at time and this made my heart so broken (she revised her age) since her parents were really toxic and disgusting ( I am not going to say much about her old story).

So I told her all about the toxic home I lived and how I manifested it away too (my success, my failures).

So, time passed and 01/feb I got this text!

I literally cried because I was so happy for herrrr 💗😭😭

"How she did it?"

She focused in her inner Self being the only reality and ignored all circumstances!

"and i would love to you to add those youtubers and blogs" insta: - kriston jackson youtube: - lana blakely tumblr: - @becomingthatgirl111 — other sources abt loa: - joe dispenza, edward art"

I literally cried so much and I am so happy for you my angel, look how you did it! You were 12 and revised your whole life! 💗💗💗

And that are people out there who don't believe that it is possible to manifest things. Look at this girl 💓

You did it amazing love, I am so pround of you. You are deserving of all the best things in the world. I wish you all the fun in life. Thank you sm for sending me this, I feel so appreciated that I had helped you, but who did all of this was YOU! 💗💗💗

✉️You all, everything is possible!

[seeingivy]

chat not to get emotional but this blog has literally changed my life

TW: mentions of SA/manipulation so read at your own discretion!!!

so random, but i've been making a lot of emotionally charged posts on the dash lately - about how sad i am and how i'm going through one of the hardest periods of my life as of late. i'm so grateful to all of my sweet moots who have reched out to check up on me, you are the sweetest and give me lots of strength 💌

i've been writing fanfiction for over a year now and it was something that sparked into me around a year ago out of nowhere. i went through periods of reading fanfiction when i was a kid and most notably read aot/jjk fanfiction in 2020 during quarantine. for some spur of a reason, in april of 2023 i decided to make a tumblr account and post the very first taylor as gojo one shot which was speak now! the blog very quickly became such a powerful outlet for me to have a voice, when i had been feeling voiceless for such a long time.

i went from writing silly little stories i could think about from getting so serious and earnest with feelings and lessons that i've learned in this little life of mine -- with method acting and bsfs older brother sukuna taking the crown of me putting every hurt part of myself out there for people to read and relate to. the feedback and responses that i received on those fics were so validating and healing for me to read, from having experienced those things myself to knowing that what i made out of that was not only worthwhile for me, but for someone else.

long story short, i've had a few things happen in the course of the past month that reminded me of the guy who sexually assaulted me when I was eighteen. I was dating him at the time and he took advantage of many things, most of the "the lore" chapter of bsfs older brother sukuna just being full truth and zero fiction. as insane as writing it all out there was -- quite literally writing myself my own comfort -- it empowered me to do what i haven't been able to do in three years. today i finally took that step and was brave enough to call him and tell him what exactly he was that it did to me.

and it was so liberating. i've held onto this pain for three years, let it become such a deep part of me, while deep down knowing that my life wasn't meant to be a punishment like eren said in method acting and that at the end of the day, it was just cruel. plain and simple. like sukuna says in bsfs older brother sukuna.

i've been able to let go such a big part of my pain because of this blog,- because people have supported what i write and made me feel brave about embracing what happened to me.

all and all, i'm on the come up. but in the meantime, thank you for everything you've done. this blog and anyone who has read, interacted, or followed will always be so so special to me. <3

[copperbadge]

Supposedly, people with Anphantasia don't get scared reading scary stories, or at least not much. Is that true with you if you ever read Horror?

You know, I'd never thought about it, but I suppose it is. To an extent, anyway.

Follows a discussion of my relationship to horror prose and media; if you don't know what aphantasia is, as many people coming to this tumblr don't, I have a tag for it here that may help -- it's basically the lack of a "mind's eye", a visual imagination, so I hear/read things and don't see an image of them in my mind. If you are scoffing right now that nobody actually has a mind's eye, congratulations, you may also have aphantasia. The articles linked in the tag will be useful to you.

I have definitely been scared by prose before but it's very rare, and not much since I was a child, when the stories I found scary were preying on fears I already had. I loved the Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark books, and I think it's not unusual that I found the illustrations more frightening than the prose, but the only story that ever scared me was the one about the vampire who kept trying to grab a kid through a window -- because I had a window over my bed in my childhood bedroom and I was terrified I'd look up to see someone looking down at me through it. Likewise, as an adult, the only content in horror I find scary is what I think of as "mind horror" -- the loss of faculty or the loss of awareness of faculty (think the end scene of the novel Hannibal with the brain). Which is one of my biggest fears.

I don't read much horror because generally I get bored, which has in the past made me feel faintly appalled at myself, but which now makes more sense. Certainly I have no interest in slasher-style gore in prose, because I find it uninteresting and it goes on a really long time, while I don't watch it in movies/TV because the visual is upsetting -- so if I was getting the visual from the prose I might react more emotionally. I am a fan of Stephen King but mostly his early work where he was shorter on suspense, and I was reading it because I liked the ideas and the characters. Carrie is super interesting because of the personalities involved, not because of the violence or the horror aspects. But I've never seen a movie adaptation and I can imagine I would be deeply unsettled if not distraught by certain scenes if depicted visually. Although I didn't find the Hannibal TV series super upsetting (I mostly was put off by how bad I imagined Will smelled) so perhaps body horror just doesn't do it for me.

This may also explain my hard-no on zombie media, because I'm not scared at all of zombies, I just find them boring and gross, and that leaves the post-apocalyptic humans. My hard-no on post-apocalypse anything is an aversion to imagining the end of my world, though, which isn't visual, it's conceptual, and not scary, just upsetting.

Like, people kept suggesting Zombies Run! to me when I was taking up running and -- well, one, I needed the music to keep my pace, I didn't want it interrupted. But two, I didn't see why a bunch of random groaning noises would make me run faster. If you could see zombies chasing you in your head, yeah, that'd probably be more motivating.

It kind of explains too why I haven't written much horror. I used to be very curious about how people worked out what's "scary" in horror prose and I guess part of the curiosity came from not experiencing it myself. It's tough to know how to write a scary story when stories don't scare you.

To be clear, I definitely experience fear. Reading Stephen King's "It" didn't really scare me, but there were scary moments in the film adaptations. I startle at jumpscares. There's plenty of stuff in real life that I'm scared of. And even podcasts -- I don't get mental images during podcasts like apparently most people do, but Magnus Archives got me with the "digging into your pre-existing fears" thing once or twice, and while I didn't finish The Left Right Game (I just got bored) the hitchhiker scene definitely got me. But I think, unless it's playing on something conceptual that already existed, yeah, I don't find prose particularly frightening.

Huh. This feels like the kind of thing that could have a significant impact on my creative output if I could crowbar my way into it. Knowing that I as an aphantic don't need descriptions that other people do has already, I think, impacted my editing process, but this feels like it maybe would somehow have an effect on the whole thing -- the fact that I don't experience emotions when reading in the same way other people do because I don't get the visuals is something to meditate on.

How the fuck did I ever even become a writer. Like what's up with that.

(Ironically it was X-Files fanfic. X-Files, a show that very much did scare me, for which I wrote and read a lot of fanfic, none of which did...yikes. Well, that's something to meditate on for the weekend.)

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Hey everyone.

Maybe some of you have noticed that my writing's been super sporadic since like June (if you haven't that's very okay) but I just wanted to write a little bit about what's been happening in my life because it's had a pretty big impact on my writing.

It turns out that I'm actually ace.

So, if you happen to notice an uptick in me writing fics with ace characters who still get to be loved, I'm just trying to process a thing.

Please feel free to skip the rest of this post if you're not interested in the harrowing journey of self discovery. I am absolutely giving too much information about my life, I'm just really working at processing everything and I'm hoping writing it out will help. And honestly, there have been some beautiful souls in the Tumblr community who have given me some beautiful encouragement (including but not limited to @basicallyahedgehog who answered an anon ask I sent them the other day with so much kindness and encouragement because I'd bawled my eyes out about one of their fics featuring ace Harry/Draco.).

(Anyway. If you want to read a ramble about all of the things I'm struggling with at the present moment, I'm gladly accepting advice and kindness at this time. Please read below the cut and chime in if you have anything hopeful to add.)

For most of my life I've pretty comfortably called myself a "picky bi" and in the past couple of years have labeled myself "demisexual" because I'm not sex repulsed; I've had sex, it was fine/good when it's with someone who I'm in love with. I moved on from the labeling, content with the label I'd given myself and whatnot.

It's been a minute (read: 8+ years) since I've been in a relationship that got to the point where I've considered having sex but I didn't really think all that much of it. In retrospect, I think this is largely because I've grown a lot in terms of self respect and honoring my own autonomy. Somewhere around 25, I started saying no when I didn't want something and if the other person didn't respect that decision they were not worth my time.

Anyway, it didn't really occur to me that perhaps going nearly a decade without thinking about/wanting to have sex with anyone (and without experiencing even vague aesthetic attraction to someone with only the odd exception here and there- some of you saw that post a couple of months ago, apparently just having the thought that someone is pretty isn't the same as attraction that allo people experience- so that panic now seems pretty unnecessary. It literally boggles my mind that people can just see a person they've never met and want to have sex with them. Anyway, I'm digressing.) Apparently, it's not a common occurrence even among demisexuals to go that long without thinking about sex if you have emotional intimacy with people (which I do). So fast forward to June when I went to a conference for lgbtqia christians and started listening to people talk about attraction.

To say that my experience of attraction and desire for sex is profoundly different than that of nearly all of the people that I talked to at that conference would be an understatement.

After that conference, I started talking to a lot of friends about their experience of attraction and their desire for sex (eventually this also included some new friends who are demi/ace) and have been a little flabbergasted by their responses. Suddenly, in light of the fact that my body doesn't interpret a lot of things the way that other peoples' seem to, a lot of things started to make sense.

I've been called a flirt (at best, and a [cock]tease in more unpleasant moments) my entire life because I always want to give people gentle physical affection; I love holding hands, touching people on the arm while we're having a conversation, playing with peoples' hair, hugging, leaning, the list is long- none of those things have ever felt like flirting to me. Every one of those actions was the end in itself, there was no artifice in my touches, no desire or even thought for more, but APPARENTLY that is not the thing that happens in a lot of peoples' bodies. It is incomprehensible to me that simple, affectionate touches are not something that everyone just wants to do to anyone that they harbor platonic affection for. This also applies to the way that I communicate with people. Again, I've been called a flirt, been told that I'm intense, been told that I'm trying to 'steal' peoples' boy/girl friends simply by being friends with them. APPARENTLY, showing "too much" interest in other peoples' lives and hobbies is flirting. APPARENTLY, getting really excited for people who are excited and doing cool things is flirting. Because (or so I have been told) the emotional energy I expend is too much to just be friends; surely, I have another angle.

Next, in terms of attraction, I experience attraction to beautiful things in nature in the same way that I experience it to people. If I'm being honest, nature makes my heart sing in a way that people usually don't. I can get caught up in the beauty of the world; the vastness of the ocean for literal hours, in the majesty of the mountains, the strength of trees, the way water carves a path through the rocks in glens and waterfalls. The world takes my breath away, it makes me weep just to exist in nature. Apparently, this in not everyone's experience of nature and apparently, many people who want to have sex don't think that trees, or bodies of water, or mountains have as much (or more, in my humble opinion) appeal than humans.

It's come to my attention that even the way that I have experienced heart break from relationships where I was "in love" and having sex is not the way that people typically experience heartbreak. All heart break feels the same to me; grieving leaving a job, grieving the death of a loved one, grieving horrible things that happen to my students, grieving the loss of friendships, and grieving the loss of a relationship feel like the same heart break. (Like some of those things hurt worse than others but the heart break over the loss of a relationship isn't worse.) One of my friends mentioned that I grieve the passing of summer into autumn (I fucking hate the winter) like the loss of a relationship and I wish I could say that she is wrong. I've been told my whole life that I experience my emotions too big and I just can't help but wonder if there is some sort of correlation there, but I digress.

The literal dream for my life is to have someone who wants to get in the car or on a plane and travel with me. Someone who I can make coffee for in the mornings and who wants to cook me dinner at night. Someone who wants to sit on the couch after a long day at work and talk about nothing, or watch a show, or just exist together. Someone who wants to dance with me in the kitchen, and hold my hand while we walk, who wants to smile at me while I ramble about nature. I want someone who wants to hold me when I cry, who wants to listen to me when I'm mad, someone who will remind me to take a break when I'm working too hard. The only thing that I actually want from a partner is just someone to do life with. It's not that I'm opposed to sex, it's just that it literally doesn't matter.

(So many things in past relationships, so many fights, so many of the reasons that I was left, so many things that I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND make sense now. Or at least they're starting to.)

So. In the process of understanding this complete fuckery, of trying to put all of the pieces that haven't quite made sense in my life into order, in the end of July my best friend told me that she's in love with me.

And on the one hand, I'm fucking over the moon, delighted, honored, speechless, crazy-happy. She's literally the best person I have ever known, she's the kindest, sweetest, most loyal, loving, amazing human being to ever exist. She loves me so well, so completely, like all of the things that I said above that are my dream; that is her. We road trip together, and she lets me braid her hair, and we snuggle on the couch and watch movies, and we talk for hours (literally hours, when we road trip we go for 7-10 days at a time and I like do not shut the fuck up for more than like 5 minutes total the entire day and she loves me; loves listening to me talk about whatever is in my brain), and when I'm going on and on about how pretty things are in nature she looks at me like I'm the pretty thing (when I say, 'oh my gosh. that mountain, tree, lake, ocean, etc. is so beautiful.' she literally says 'you're so beautiful' and I am deceased, my heart can't take it, I can't fucking stop smiling- I don't even want to), and she lets me info dump about whatever I'm learning, and she loves my brain and my stupid adhd, and she plays me sappy love songs and sings them to me (and she sings in my car, sings to me even though she doesn't sing in front of people) and and and... she makes me feel like I'm good. She makes me feel like I'm all of the things that other people have said I'm not.

And I am constantly terrified of hurting her.

There are a variety of reasons we're not planning on having sex (partially because it's not really something that I want) that I'm not going to get into but I'm afraid of being what I've been to other people. I'm afraid of her feeling like I'm pushing her buttons because I just always want to be touching her (very platonically) like just having our shoulders bumping while we walk, or putting my head on her shoulder when we're on the couch, or letting our elbows press against one another while we're in the car. BUT what happens in our bodies when we're touching like that is really different. Like I described above, for me any type of touch is really the end goal in and of itself (if I'm braiding her hair, it's safe to assume that that is all I want to be doing. If I'm leaning against her on the couch, that too is what I'm wanting.) But that's not always how her body wants to interpret touch, even if she logically knows that I'm not intentionally teasing (she would never say that she feels like I'm trying to tease her, for the record, it's just the easiest way for me to articulate what it feels like could be happening).

And I love her so much, like so much; I'd do anything for her but it's not the same kind of love that she feels for me. By which I mean that she is just really gay and actively attracted to me emotionally/physically but for me if she started dating someone else, I'd be actually fine with that. If she was dating/having sex with someone I wouldn't be jealous, as long as we still get to be friends. (And maybe her dating would necessarily change the dynamic of our friendship and that would be really hard but that's a different mental exercise.) This isn't the way that she feels.

She is so special and important to me but even the way that we are aware of the other person's presence is different. For me, if I'm in a group of people and she's there, I'm aware of that on some level but it's not at the forefront of my mind. My brain is always sort of 'triaging' the people around me when they're my friends; who's being too quiet? who has been going through a rough patch with work/family, etc? who has an exciting new thing they need someone to squeal about with them? who hasn't been included in the conversation in too long? (see the paragraph above about flirting. haha.) She's there but she often isn't the first person I'm thinking about because I talk to her almost every day, I get to love her every day, and odds are good that we either drove together or will talk on the phone our way home from the event- I see the other people there less, so my brain just prioritizes them since I have less time to love them. (This is actually really good, healthy progress for me in terms of healthy attachment and not forming a codependent relationship. My therapist and I are really proud of the work I'm doing, but I'm digressing again.) For her, though, she always knows exactly where I am. It is work for her to pay attention to other conversations, work to be in a different room. In most situations, I am the person she defaults to thinking about and wanting to be near and she has to actively choose other things if she wants to. (And I don't mean to sound like an absolute asshole, it's not like I ignore her or anything, and I'm delighted for us to be in the same conversations, it's just a different way that we engage with the world.)

I love her so much. And I'm afraid of messing everything up. Of hurting her. Of asking too much of her without asking for anything at all. I try to let her be the one to initiate physical touch (or I ask first) because sometimes it's too hard on her body and that's fair. I feel frustrated with the different ways that we experience love for each other because the way that she loves me feels so good and safe to me and it makes me feel so happy. I'm afraid that the way that I love her doesn't feel as nice for her, that it feels less than, that the way I express my love and devotion isn't as good. I'm afraid that the way she loves me is going to wear her out. She always says she knows I love her just as much as she loves me, it's just different. She says she's okay, she says that the way I love her is good for her and she's happy. But it's hard to believe.

I'm afraid that she'll fall in love with someone else who can love her the way she loves and I won't matter to her anymore (partially because that's been my experience of people who have said they're in love with me). I'm afraid.

Is it even fair to entertain the idea of maybe having a whole life together? (we're already entertaining the ideas, already daydreaming about 'what if we lived together', where we're going on our next road trip, etc. And I'm terrified.) Is it asking her to give up too much? I would spend the rest of my life with her. I'd be good and kind to her, I would love her with so much tenderness. But is it enough? Am I enough with just the things that I have to give? Is it actually possible for someone to love me for just me and not for the ways that I could contort myself to be something I'm not?

I recognize the irony in what I'm asking. I know that that's what all of these hundreds of stories I've written here say, it's what I want to believe. But is it even possible when it's reality?

I don't know. Does anyone have any good advice? Any ace people out there living with a person who's in love with them? Does anyone have something that's lasted?

[call-sign-shark]

Following the heart-wrenching posts of @red-riding-wood, @kittenonpluto and @aurorag98 I feel like I have to write this. By no means I have experienced traumatizing interactions with @mrkdvidal1989 aka Killian Vidal but this whole situation and what he did to girls here make me enraged.

First of all, I want to reassure all the beloved mutuals who have been reaching out to me or who have been worried about my well-being because they saw me interacting a few times with Killian. I am perfectly fine and I'm not much here this week because I have been working a lot.

As for my relationship with Killian... Well, we were barely talking to each other actually. I know I am bad at replying to my DMs but this is not the reason why I ghosted him -- I purposefully did so because, like many of you, the guy gave me the biggest red flags. We talked a few times, and he called me hot when he saw the gym pics/selfies I posted. He quickly suggested we meet together to go to the gym and watch horror movies during my stay in the UK and to this I replied positively while knowing I would never ever do so. Right from the start I suspected him to be a liar and I felt he had built up everything about his life. Also, I come from a military family with many relatives working in special units of the French Navy, and let me tell you something: I screamed at the thought of a former soldier (from the SAS!! lmao) spending all of his time writing reader-insert fanfic for a female audience and discussing with Cillian fangirls. I don't say it's impossible, but it's VERY unlikely.

To me, Killian was just an attention-seeking catfish I'd never meet and who I found both boring and childish. In my opinion, I thought he just wanted to have a small court around him to strut around, nothing more. I tried to search for info about him to warn people, I mean I even doubted he was a man... However, I found nothing plus he seemed to be IRL friends with a few mutuals here who actually chatted with him via phone so I didn't want to take the risk of spreading hate about someone just because of a gut feeling. Never in a million years, I would have imagined he was toying with girls from the Peaky Blinders community, collecting nudes, gaslighting/harassing them, breaking them into pieces, promising marriage, and going as far as to promise a life-saving medical treatment to a dear friend of mine. I am devastated by what I have read this morning, and "devasted" is not even powerful enough. Learning from Red that he talked about fucking me when we meet while we never talk about sex, never flirted or anything (we just small-talked once in a while lmao) might be a bit creepy but it's nothing compared to what he has done to girls here.

I am deeply sorry to all the people who have been hurt by his horrible actions and are now facing long-term consequences because of him, some of them being my close mutuals. I send positive vibes, love, and healing to every one of you who had to deal with this psycho. I know a lot of people have already said that but my DMs are opened if you need a safe place. The Peaky Blinders / Cillian Murphy community is a nice place, maybe the most welcoming place I've ever seen on the Internet but we should all keep in mind that it is not safe from ill-intentioned users and predators. Please stay safe and, for the victims, don't blame yourself. You haven't been naive nor stupid or anything. The only one to blame is the person behind Killian Vidal's persona, and for the evil you've done, I hope you'll get fucked with a chainsaw. Or just fucking rot in hell.

Shark.

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

Hello! :] I saw your post recently regarding the pervasive feeling of shame in newer fans re: Danganronpa, and it really resonated. I wanted to offer my two cents as a fandom old/armchair fandom archeologist that's hopefully a little heartening:

I remember back in 2012/2013 when Danganronpa was beloved, during the height of the SomethingAwful TL days. It was a genuinely fun time to be into things, especially as people were getting excited for an EN release, something that I do think the fandom deserves a little credit in making happen. I was there for the UDG release, DR3 anime, and the lead-up to v3's release, and unfortunately, I think the fact that all three of those entries were in some ways polarizing effectively memory-holed a lot of people into believing Danganronpa was never "good" to begin with, which makes it a lot easier to pick out its flaws and give it a bit of a weird reputation now.

(As a tangent, but some more context that might help: Danganronpa also got really big on my neck of the woods in Tumblr during one of the big Homestuck hiatuses. Back in the day there was a lot of fandom crossover, which I don't really think is the case nowadays, but I think for people that were either in both fandoms and had negative experiences, or people outside who disliked either/or, they've been inextricably linked together as part of a particular "time" in Tumblr/internet history that isn't remembered fondly. So, I have a theory that a lot of secondhand Danganronpa disdain comes from misplaced disdain for the other Big Thing at the time.

This also overlapped with the tail end of the big SuperWhoLock era to my memory, which is usually much more focused on which discussing Tumblr history. Which is a shame, because I feel like this particular transitional era of Tumblr "fandom" history has been underdiscussed because of it!

None of this is excusing some of the things I've seen said about DR fans and the ways people have been iced out for liking it, but I find trying to understand the factors at play always helps my mind figure out how to process these things.)

However: time moves on. This isn't permanent. Having gone back and re-experienced the whole series some 5+ years removed, I was able to find joy in parts of the series that, while I was in the thick of a shift in fandom attitude, didn't appreciate as much as I think I should have. I didn't absolutely love everything, but I had so much fun, it almost felt like I was experiencing things again for the first time.

I want to believe the same thing will happen as we get some time removed, as people get nostalgic for things and get older and understand that you can love something flawed, criticize it, and not feel shame for it. I always welcome fresh faces discovering something for the first time, but I think that some day, a lot of older fans can come back and embrace it as well. Sometimes you need time and life and a few extra years on you. I'm living proof of it! :P

Of course, this is just one person's perspective from one slice of the fandom. But I remain hopeful. There really is nothing else quite like Danganronpa for me, warts and all. You don't have to post this publicly or anything if you don't want to, but I wanted to offer a little hope to go with your thoughts. :') and I hope you have a great day!

Oh man, I really really appreciate this message. I am really interested in the perspective of fans who have been here for so long, and I always feel a little out of my depth talking about old (read: 2018 and before) DR fandom because despite seeing a Lot of it in my blog-diving, I still wasn't there. It's genuinely wonderful to hear that it was beloved like that, even if only fully for the first two installments.

I HAVE noticed a weird amount of homestuck/dr crossover in my searches, so that totally makes sense! Hell, my first exposure to DR on tumblr was a homestuck blog I followed back in 2017/2018ish (for the artstyle, I haven't read homestuck) that also posted a lot about Kazuichi. That's super cool!

While I feel like today, there is at least a little bit of fondness (even if it is a little ironic) for superwholock days, I see very little talk of homestuck. And when I do, it is usually with the same flavour of "Wow that fandom was so crazy" as old-DR.

I think there is usually this reactionary retrospective on site-wide popular fandoms to some degree after they start to wane in size. I saw it when I was in the TMA fandom. That thing was a monster, and over all I felt more stressed there than I ever feel now with DR. And after it ended, and really even During those last few episodes, you could feel a level of distaste for the piece of media growing. Although it never really reached critical mass like DR.

Maybe its even more apparent with something like Steven Universe- when it was actively coming out there was so much disdain for it (from some people) and for the fandom. I was there, on the sidelines, but I saw it all and it wasn't fun. But after its finale and a couple years of silence, people now seem to have come around and realized, whoa, so much about all that discourse was way overblown. I feel like a couple years ago there could still have been this sense of "cringe" posting about steven universe, while today its a lot more neutral.

Of course, it's kind of weird to compare DR and SU, and the nature of outside of fandom perspectives on them is not the same. The level of disdain for people posting SU never reached the point of DR either. But if it's anything to go by, I feel like there is hope eventually for people to stop having an immediate knee-jerk reaction to it. To look back and realize, "hey, that was actually pretty good," or "I didn't really appreciate this the first time." Or even just "It's fine actually to have nuanced take on this piece of media I don't like that concludes with them still liking it." I feel like we already got a mini-version of that in 2020, but since that's when I joined I can't speak too much on it.

Small tangent aside, I really appreciate this. I also hope people can come back around to it, or at least appreciate that it made them or other people happy at the time c:

[nonsensical-questions]

Errmmm annual update,

How are things goin for ya (not about sensetale specifically, just in general)

I appreciate the general check up as i haven't posted anything in a bit, but for a little update i guess, got a new job, pays me more and doesn't give me as many hours, this is a good thing as i can pay my bills just fine without having to work as much, but i am getting called in a lot and i need more money in general so i'm sorta trying to build stuff up... got a new name, i'm still keeping my old one i just have two first names i switch between now so that was funky but it made me feel a little better so it's nice got on HRT a while ago and it's fucking with me emotionally i think either that or i'm experiencing periods as it's not all the time, but it's too soon to tell if it's this or that so right now i'm just enjoying the general effects of it and learning how to deal with stronger emotions, this is a good thing i no longer feel as dysphoric about myself but it still comes from time to time as for projects and stuff i'm working on? got quiet the load honestly, no progress on sensetale for mental health and general self confidence issues, it's still on hiatus until i can get good enough to make the sprites i need or find someone willing to help me out but in non-sensetale related projects... well... i did wanna keep some stuff a secret but some of these have been in the work for a while so... what the hell might as well show some off I appreciate the general check up as i haven't posted anything in a bit, but for a little update i guess, got a new job, pays me more and doesn't give me as many hours, this is a good thing as i can pay my bills just fine without having to work as much, but i am getting called in a lot and i need more money in general so i'm sorta trying to build stuff up... got a new name, i'm still keeping my old one i just have two first names i switch between now so that was funky but it made me feel a little better so it's nice got on HRT a while ago and it's fucking with me emotionally i think either that or i'm experiencing periods as it's not all the time, but it's too soon to tell if it's this or that so right now i'm just enjoying the general effects of it and learning how to deal with stronger emotions, this is a good thing i no longer feel as dysphoric about myself but it still comes from time to time as for projects and stuff i'm working on? got quiet the load honestly, no progress on sensetale for mental health and general self confidence issues, it's still on hiatus until i can get good enough to make the sprites i need or find someone willing to help me out but in non-sensetale related projects... well... i did wanna keep some stuff a secret but some of these have been in the work for a while so... what the hell might as well show some off

vs. mad mew mew genocide route edition! i love mew mew as a character and i've been really inspired to make something relating to her i just didn't know what to, well recently i got my insperation and have been coding it out, don't know what the ending is currently but i have a rough idea of what i want to do, hopefully you will all enjoy it the song is Dummy! from UNDERTALE: Alternate, thank them so much for letting me use the song! couldn't hope for a more fitting battle theme that just so happened to accidently match with the character i was making the fight for lol I have more projects i'd love to show off but tumblr only allows for 1 video so you'll have to have the shitty gifs instead

after undertale yellow released I loved the concept of everything so much but i really wish some more attention to the lore had been put in, but hey there was still some really cool stuff they did like i loved the guns and ammo types, so i decided to work on what it would look like for the blue soul which i nicknamed melody as her healing things are music notes and clovers are well clovers, this spawned a whole thing where i started making characters and ideas and... honestly i don't think it will go anywhere soon.... if at all but hey a mouse can dream huh? well i might as well show off some characters with little to no context huh?

not all of these are major characters but just stuff I wanted to show off, if people wanna make art or ask about it, the au name is official "Undertale: Era of Integrity" but for now you just get the designs and simple mechanics that i showed off, i have more to talk about

an underfell project! this was mainly learning to code KR and fuck around with my idea of an underfell au that takes the canon version and makes small tweaks here and there, i made some sprites to show what i mean

again not really giving out much info, if people wanna know more let me know i guess! no official name just some underfell concepts i've been working on I do wanna make some playable fights eventually but i'd need to work out some kinks first to make it all work some other projects that feel too small to sorta show off stuff of are a Tale's end sans fight (like from the comic) i was working on with friskbits actually helping quiet a lot and a help_tale sixbones fight (again from the comic) both are almost done but also both have big hurdles i'll need to get past before i finish it, for tale's end it's just... writing, frisky is normally busy and i had major writers block, writing for what you may ask? the comic surely has most of what i need right? haha I wish, there are so many options and it all comes back to that stupid flower, i have like 20 endings based on if you kill or not and then reset and do a certain action, I have the main endings coded but the great flowey remembering my resets makes it way harder to actually finalize the sixbones fight is mainly the absorb stuff, as we never saw that in the comic so i sorta had to improvise and making it looks cool! but I'm sorta just winging it i guess i'm also working on a mettaton date, this one with an overworld, you know how alphys, undyne, and papyrus all got dates? oh and sans too sorta, well toby literally mentioned dating mettaton on the kickstarter and never delivered! so i'm doing it myself, date the sexy rectangle... eventually i'm still on the overworld stuff and need to finish designing mettatons room fully, i'd show some stuff off but i'm not sure how long it's gonna be plus this post is already hella long so just gonna cut this here and maybe talk about it later there is some other stuff here and there but it's mainly just ideas, I had an idea of something something deltatravelers something something OFF but i'm prob not even gonna do that, maybe i'll make some sketches or mock ups for it later but eh i wanna finish projects first i have too many on my plate currently I know a lot of people might be mad, that i'm working on other projects and stuff while im supposed to be working on sensetale, but I'm trying to improve skills and general get better at making the content so people can enjoy it more, and when i was ready i would try and work more on sensetale maybe remake the area do new poses make new characters or sprite something unique and cool, one of the reasons i don't post or even answer questions on this is i don't want to get people's hopes up that this will return soon, i really want it to return soon but I don't have the resources or time to commit to it I had a thought that maybe, I should make this a general au project stuff, so I can show off more stuff and see what people like but i've had 20 or so projects i've never finished. I wouldn't want to show all this cool stuff off and never deliver on it. But perhaps if that is what would everyone would enjoy more, seeing progress and stuff i'm working on, if people would be okay not seeing sensetale in favor of more content? just food for thought, i want to see what people think before i act.

[diaperdaddies27]

Happy Mothers Day Post/ Update

Firstly, the big question I'm sure a lot of you want to know is, am I still going 24/7? Yes. Though, I can't say I haven't had moments of fatigue just from getting in my head as of late. However, I have stuck it through and truly feel all the better for it. Have I started losing control?! Yes, and no. I definitely after six months can say I have been struggling to feel the need to hold it past just when my bladder is full. Like when my brain wants to go, I just do. I don't have the second thought I used to have, or the worry of will my diaper hold it. Because I just have naturally been letting go so much. I definitely would say my control is waning. In the next 6 months at the year mark, I definitely feel I will have experienced some true accidents. I also get a lot of questions on how I can afford diapers regularly on a budget. Having received this a few times, I have started composing a guide to how I buy diapers. I plan to publish tonight or tomorrow for all the littles looking for the info. Quick baby math for you, kiddos. If you get a pack of 10 diapers for $40. That is an average of $4 dollars a diaper. That's a lot of money for just one pamper. Especially when sometimes packs get a bad one or even two. Then you're out $4 dollars and short on supply. Now you buy 80 diapers at $220. That's an average of $2.69 a diaper. Saving you roughly about $1.31. Which adds up. I know bulk seems scary, but the savings plus the amount you get each time. Makes do this system worth while, and affordable.

Next, I want to talk about my Mama. Just today, I told her that words will never do her justice. Because to me, she is truly exceptional and one of a kind. She is a natural nurturer. Not a day passes do I feel I can't talk to her about anything. She is always looking out for me and wondering about how I am. I wake most mornings to her. Good morning, texts. Waking me into the world. She makes me feel confident and safe about my life choices to be a little. Not only that, she wants to care for me just as much as I crave to be in arms. Every day, I grow antsy waiting to be with her irl. Knowing once I am, I will never want to let go. I want to lose myself to my little side fully with her. Letting go of the bigg me and just folding into her embrace. I want to be fed baby food, given naps, diaper checks, and changes no matter the time or place, watch cartoons while babbling around my paci trying to show mama, I want to play with toys at her feet while she reads or decides she needs me to service her, I want to nurse from her multiple times daily, have a bed time, be take to the park and out places, let mamaz dress me up. I want to let go and just be her baby fresh and new. I'm so happy I introduced her to Tumblr. I know so many littles message her and ask to feel cared for. To have babysitter for a change. Sharing Mama is hard, but it makes me happy to know she is so loving to so many. It makes me love her even more. She is truly beautiful body and soul. Happy mothers Day, Mama!! @mommyposts10

[scarletqueenx]

chapter two - i miss you, i’m sorry

Dean Winchester x female oc

Summary: After experiencing an alternative life through the spell of a Djinn, Dean realizes that he is missing something in his life. He and Freya Holloway had been dating for a few months before his father disappeared and his journey with Sam began. Now, having made a deal to save his brother's life and with only a year to live, Dean considers reconnecting with the only girl he's ever had feelings for.

Author’s Note: this is my first time writing in tumblr. Also english is not my first lenguage.

series masterlist

Dean knew, from the state they had found her, that Freya was in serious condition. So waiting for the doctors to update them on her state was getting frustrating.

He couldn't ask about her either, as he wasn't her family. And if he showed his real concern, Henry and Peter would start to ask questions. Sam was trying to distract him, telling him about possible cases, but Dean was barely listening. He hadn't even been able to kill whoever or whatever had done this to his ex-girlfriend.

"Holloway?" The doctor's voice pronouncing her last name brought him out of his thoughts.

Henry quickly stood up, while Peter closed the comic book in his hands to pay attention to the doctor's explanation. Sam and Dean remained seated, listening closely.

"Yeah. Hi. It's me, I'm her father." Henry answered, approaching the doctor. "Is she okay?"

"Mr. Holloway. I'm doctor Ross." The man introduced himself, shaking his hand. "I am the one who took care of her." He explained. Henry nodded in silence. "She had a head concussion. But the CT came back negative. There is no sign of brain damage. She also has a couple of broken ribs and lost a lot of blood, so we've had to give her some transfusions. All of that said, we think she is going to be fine." Henry sighed with relief, while Dean felt how his breathing became normal again. Beside him, Peter could sense his relief, squinting his eyes at him in confusion. "She is still asleep. We're waiting for her to wake up, hopefully it won't be long. Everything seems normal. She's been lucky."

"Thank you, Doctor. Thank you so much." Henry said. "When will we be able to see her?"

"I will have a nurse take you. Although only family is allowed at the moment."

Dean was afraid he would say that, but a part of him already knew. He wanted to see her, but he also knew he had no right to.

"Guys, I haven't had a chance to thank you yet." Dean and Sam stood as Henry approached them. "I am very grateful that you found her. We both are, aren't we, Peter?"

"Yeah, of course." He nodded. Sam gave him a little smile. "Although I'm actually the one who found her."

"Peter."

"What? It's true."

"We're just happy she's okay." Sam interrupted their little discussion. Feeling secretly jealous of the father-son relationship the two seemed to have.

Henry smiled at him in appreciation.

"Do you think maybe we could see her?" Dean asked, drawing the man's attention. "To know what she can tell us about the thing that attacked her?" He quickly clarified.

"I'm sure she'll want to hunt it down herself." Henry answered.

"No. Yeah. Of course. But she's hurt, and that thing can still hurt people."

"Yeah, you're right." He admitted, thoughtfully. "When she wakes up I'll ask her. I'm sure she would like to thank you too."

"Thanks."

"In the meantime, you can go back to our house." Henry declared, pulling the keys out of his jacket and holding them out to Dean, who looked at them in confusion. "If she tells me anything I will let you know. It's late, you should rest."

His concern for them was rare for the Winchester brothers. Although deep down they appreciated it.

"You should take Peter with you. If it's no problem."

"No. It's okay." Dean answered.

"Wait, wait, wait." The boy exclaimed, looking up at his father. "No. I want to see Freya."

"Peter, it's late." He answered. "And you have school tomorrow."

"Do you seriously think I'm going to class after today?" He asked in disbelief. "Freya needs me by her side."

"Freya is in good hands." His father assured him, crouching down to be at his level. "The doctors will take care of her. I will take care of her."

"What if that thing comes after me?" He then asked.

"I doubt it. But if that's the case, that's what they're here for, isn't it? To hunt it down." He said, pointing to the Winchester brothers.

"Because they've been doing so well so far." He scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, cut the attitude." His father requested, frustrated. "They've come here to help without expecting anything in return. Be a little nice to them, okay? "

"Whatever."

Henry rose back up, giving Dean and Sam an apologetic look.

"Hey, kid." Dean called him. "How about a pizza? We can stop and get some on the way back to your house."

Peter narrowed his eyes at him.

"You're not buying me off with food. I'm not that easy." He assured him.

"Unlike you, Dean." Sam muttered with amusement.

"Shut up." He answered, but Sam keeps an amused smile on his lips.

"All right. I'll go with you." Peter finally accepted with a sigh. "But I won't go to class tomorrow. I want to be with Freya." He looked back up to his father.

"We'll talk about it later." He answered him. "Thanks guys."

"Yeah, no problem."

Peter didn't went to school the next day. When he woke up, his father still hadn't come home. Henry had spent the night in the hospital, in an uncomfortable chair next to his daughter's bed, waiting for her to wake up.

That morning Dean had been the first to get up after sleeping only a few hours. As the younger Holloway went into their home kitchen, Sam was reading on his computer looking for possible cases for him and his brother. Meanwhile, Dean was reading Freya's hunting journal looking for any clues about the man who had kidnapped her and Kaila.

"If it was a demon it will be gone by now." Sam said, looking up at his brother.

"Unless he's still hell-bent on following Freya." Dean answered. "If we find him, we could finish him off."

"You can't kill a demon." Peter's voice drew the attention of both brothers as their gazes traveled to the kitchen doorway.

Looking at him, Dean took a sip of his coffee cup before answering his statement. "Yes, you can. If you have the right weapon."

"Like what? The Colt?" Peter asked, frowning.

"You know about the Colt?"

"My dad wrote about it in one of his books." He shrugged his shoulders as he walked toward the fridge to pull out a carton of milk. "He thinks I don't pay attention, but I do."

Sam and Dean shared a look.

Walking past Dean, Peter grabbed his sister's diary from the counter and a box of cereal from the nearest cupboard before sitting down next to Sam.

"I was reading that, you know?" Dean looked at him in disbelief.

"It's private." Peter said, fixing a bowl of cereal. "Read a newspaper. Or a book. There's plenty of them on every shelf in this house."

"It's a hunting journal. There's nothing private about it."

Peter squinted silently, watching him closely for a few seconds. Dean turned to his brother, confused.

"You know, my sister knew a Dean once." Peter then said, gaining back the attention of both brothers.

"She did?" Dean asked.

"Yeah." He answered with a nod, looking down at his bowl of cereal. "He was a jerk. Well, I never met him, but he dumped her in a motel near Chicago. He never called or gave any explanation. "

"Yeah, that sounds like a jerk." Sam whispered, turning his attention back to the computer in front of him as he earned an annoyed look from his brother.

"Sharing a name with him doesn't help me like you." Peter admitted, pretending not to notice that little interaction between the two of them.

"Maybe he had a reason for leaving." Dean said, looking back at him.

"Maybe." Peter repeated, staring straight into his eyes.

Dean gulped harshly at his watchful gaze, feeling as if the boy could see right through him.

"You know." He noted after a few seconds, not taking his eyes off him. "You've known since we got here, haven't you?"

Sam turned his head to look at the boy.

"I know my sister like the back of my hand. I know where she keeps everything. Of course I knew." Peter answered, placing on the counter one of the photos Freya had saved from her time with Dean. "So, what exactly are you doing here? Trying to make up for what an idiot you were?"

Dean sighed, taking the photo in his fingers to look at it carefully.

"Bobby sent us here. I didn't know she was the one we had to look for until we got here." He explained. "I was trying to protect her, you know? When I left."

"You don't have to give me any explanations. Although leaving in the middle of the night seems like something an asshole would do."

Dean didn't know how to answer that, and he was thankful he didn't have to when the phone started ringing. Sam was the one who answered the call, getting up and approaching the phone placed on one of the kitchen walls. Peter looked at him with interest, hoping it was news from his sister.

"It was Henry." He announced, as he hung up the phone. "Freya woke up."

"Great. I'll wait for you in the car. Be quick or I'll go alone." Peter exclaimed, rising to his feet and leaving the kitchen in a matter of seconds.

"Don't... touch my car." Dean warned him, leaving the coffee mug on the counter as he followed him.

Sam smiled in amusement, grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair.

─── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ───

Dean could feel Freya's eyes on him as he enter the hospital room after his brother. She didn't seem surprise or confuse to see him there, which funny enough made him more surprise and confuse.

"My father said you saved me." She smiled politely, shifting her gaze to Sam.

"I wouldn't say that much." He answered. "We couldn't finish the guy off, he left pretty quickly. We didn't even saw him."

"It's okay. I think I scared him."

Her response brought a smile to Sam's face. While Dean didn't know how to act now that he stood in front of her.

"I'm glad you're better." Sam said. "I'm...

"Sammy." She completed, looking at him fondly. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Right." He nodded. "So have I, about you."

Freya's gaze then turned back to Dean, whose eyes had been locked on her. A sense of familiarity as their green eyes finally met. Part of Freya was still angry at him for leaving without explanation, another wanted to hug him and tell him how much she had missed him. Dean felt an ache in his chest, as if that meeting was just the beginning of another goodbye.

"I should... leave you two alone." Sam's voice brought them back to reality, reminding them that he was still in the room. "It's good to meet you, Freya."

"Likewise." She responded with a kind smile on her lips.

As Sam left the room a heavy silence settled between the former couple. Dean's eyes had drifted away from her, looking everywhere and nowhere in particular. But now it was Freya who couldn't stop staring at him, trying to read his body language.

"I should have known." She was the one to break the silence. Dean's eyes fell on her with a sense of confusion.

"What?"

"That you were a hunter." She clarified with a nervous smile peeking through her lips. "It was pretty obvious now that I think about it."

"That you were wasn't." He admitted, feeling slightly less nervous in her presence. "I really believed the whole 'art student traveling the country' thing."

"That wasn't entirely a lie." She assured. "I was an art student, but that's not why I was there."

Dean nodded slightly, his eyes dropping to the floor before he spoke again. "Listen, Freya, I'm sorry... I left the way I did. I really thought it was for the best."

"For me or for you?"

"You know how this job works. If anything had happened to you... it would have been because of me. I couldn't have that."

"Yes, I understand." She nodded with a slight tone of bitterness in her voice. "But you could have said goodbye, don't you think?" Dean opened his mouth to answer, but Freya was quick to cut him off. "It doesn't matter now, Dean. I'm over it."

"Right." His voice came out as a whisper. "I'm glad you're okay." Freya looked away from him, feeling that same pain she had felt when she woke up that morning years ago without him by her side and no explanation. "I'm... I'm sorry."

As quickly as Dean left the hospital room Sam approached him, following him down the hallway.

"Did you tell her?" He asked him.

"Tell her what, Sammy?"

"Are you kidding? You know what."

"Why would I do that?" He asked, not bothering to look at him.

"Oh, I don't know. Because you've been wanting to call her for months." Sam shrugged. Dean stopped in his tracks, turning around to look at him. "Yeah, I pay attention too. You think I haven't seen you looking at her number in your phone? Well, I have. You want to tell her."

"No, I don't." He assured. "Why would I what to? Tell her I was an idiot back then, that I don't want to leave her again, but then do that exactly in a few months? No, thank you. She doesn't deserve that."

"She deserves the truth."

"Well, I was never good at giving her what she deserves. I'm back to being the jerk who leaves without explanation. I can live with that." He declared, turning away from his brother.

"Dean, you're dying. It's not the same..." Sam insisted, but Dean had already walked away far enough not to hear him.

"He is dying?" Peter's voice caused Sam to turn around quickly.

"What?" He frowned. "It's complicated."

"Listen, I don't even like him." He admitted. "But I know my sister and she loves him, I think. At least she deserves an explanation."

"I know she does. But I'm not the one who should give it to her."

"She's always wanted to get away from here, you know? To travel. She did a job once near Chicago. The only one she's ever done outside of San Francisco. That's where she met Dean." He explained as Sam listened carefully. "You guys do that, you travel around hunting monsters. I think she'd like something like that."

It wasn't hard for Sam to understand what Peter was asking. And the idea of Freya traveling with them didn't bother him at all. Part of him hoped that she wanted to help Dean as much as he.

"You know that would mean you may not see her for a long time."

"I don't care. I want her to be happy."

One thing that neither Peter nor Dean nor Sam knew was that Freya already knew about the deal Dean had made to save his brothers life. She knew Dean had little time left before he would be sent to hell. That demon had told her everything, with the sole purpose of hurting her. Because that's what that demon had been doing since she turned 10.

Her battle with that demon was hers alone. That was why she had lied to the Winchester brothers when they had asked her about her attacker. And it was also one of the reasons why going with them and leaving San Francisco seemed like the best idea. So she could hunt him down.

Except for the fact that it would mean spending a significant amount of time with Dean.

─── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ───

Freya left the hospital the following day. She had to rest and take some medicine, but the injuries weren't too serious and her ribs would heal on their own. Besides, she was already used to the bruises.

When she and her father arrived at the house, the Winchester brothers were still there. Dean wanted to leave as soon as possible, but Sam had insisted on waiting for Freya to return. So while Dean was gathering his things, Sam was with Peter. At the younger Winchester's request, the boy was showing him some of the books on supernatural history that his father stored.

Their conversation got interrupted when the curly-haired blond rushed into his sister's arms, happy to have her back home. A groan of pain left the girl's lips at the jolt, but that didn't stop a loving smile from appearing on her lips.

Dean heard them from upstairs, but he made no effort to join them. Minutes later, he was too focused on his own thoughts to notice Freya's presence in the doorway of the room where he and his brother had stayed over those last couple of nights.

"A deal with a demon, Dean, really?" He turned around at the sound of her voice, meeting her gaze.

"How did you...? Did Sammy tell you?"

"No. He didn't tell me anything." She quickly assured, which only made him more confused. "I lied before. When he asked me about the man who'd attacked me and kidnapped Kaila." She admitted, sitting down on the edge of one of the beds. Dean watched her closely, listening to her words. "I lied. I did know him. Not with that face, though. He's a demon I tried to hunt down a few months ago. I didn't succeed and since then he's been after me. He told me about it. Somehow he knew about... us. And he wanted to hurt me."

"So you already knew I was a hunter."

"Well, he wasn't the one I wanted to hear it from. But yeah, he told me." She nodded, looking up at him. "Why'd you do it, Dean?"

"Sammy was dead. I didn't have a choice." His response surprised her. Although it was the only logical reason why anyone would make such a deal. "You would have done the same thing for Peter."

He was right and she knew it. But that didn't stop her heart from shuddering at the mere thought of losing Dean again. After just a few exchanges of words and glances, Freya felt once again so connected to him that the thought of losing him hurt just as much as the first time.

"They really only gave you a year?" She turned to look at him once again as he sat down next to her on the edge of the bed. Dean sighed and nodded. "How long do you have left?"

"A few months." He answered. "And if I try to find a way around it, they'll kill Sam."

"Is that why you came here?" She asked with a frown. "You wanted to apologize before it was to late?"

A sigh left Dean's lips as he turned to look back at her. "I've wanted to apologize from the moment I stepped foot out of that motel room, Freya. I cared about you too much. I didn't want you to get hurt."

Freya didn't know whether to believe him. The last time Dean had said something like that to her it had ended with her waking up in an empty room. But at that very moment, looking into his eyes, she knew he was being completely honest with her.

"I forgive you, Dean."

"You're just saying that out of pity." He said, turning his gaze away.

"No, I'm not." She assured him, gaining enough courage to take his hand in hers. That gesture made Dean flinch, but the familiarity of her touch quickly put him at ease. "That's not the reason. I cared about you too. I still do."

"I don't want to drag you into this, Freya."

"You're not. I want to help." She said. "I may not be able to break the deal, but you guys can help me kill this demon that's after me. Peter told me about the Colt. And if you're gonna die, I want to spend whatever time you have left with you. That's of course if you wan-"

"I don't know..." He cut her off, rising to his feet.

"Come on, Dean." She insisted. "We can help each other. Or are you gonna leave Sam just like that?" Dean remained silent, pacing up and down the room. "You were right when you said I'd like him. And if he were Peter... I wouldn't want him to be alone. Plus, I might be able to find a way..."

"You're not going to look for anything." He interrupted her. "I told you, if I try to find a way around it, Sam dies."

"All right." She sighed. "I won't do anything. But..."

"You're won't take 'no' for an answer, are you?" Freya shook her head. "We leave in 20 minutes." He then said, making her smile.

But, before Freya could go anywhere with the Winchester brothers, she had to convince her father. Despite being a grown woman of twenty-four, Freya didn't want to leave without talking to her father. She would rather leave things on good terms and discuss the situation.

She knew her father wouldn't be thrilled with the idea, but she had always been good at getting what she wanted from him. Henry also knew she could take care of herself.

What really worried Freya was leaving her father and brother alone. Henry was no hunter, he could barely shoot a gun. And even though she herself had trained Peter to defend himself and they both knew enough about supernatural creatures, she was still worried about leaving them.

"You're not going with them." He answered as he closes his office door.

"Why not? I'll find-"

"It's dangerous." He said, cutting her off.

"I wouldn't hunt alone anymore. And I'd help more people than here." She answered, watching as he walked around the desk to stand in front of her.

"You're hurt." He noted.

"I'll stay out of the fight for a while. I can do research."

"I don't know..."

"I'm going to find that demon, dad." She stated. "They have the Colt, I'll be able to kill him."

"If there's any bullets left. They could have used them all."

"They haven't."

"I hope you're right." He sighed, sitting down. "But, Freya, I don't want you to put yourself in danger again for this revenge."

"It's more than that and you know it." She answered, sitting in front of him. "I'm doing this to protect us. All of us."

"I know." He whispered, watching her closely. "You won't listen to me, would you?"

"I've never been good at it." She shrugged with an amused smile on her lips.

"No. Neither you or your brother." He sighed. "You two are just like your mother."

"I'll call every day." She promised him.

"You better." He said. "I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled, standing up. "I'll go get my stuff."

─── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ───

Sam was glad to hear that Freya would be joining them from now on. Part of him hoped she could help him save his brother. Another part of him was just relieved that if Dean finally ended up in hell, he would no longer be completely alone.

He liked her. Without hardly knowing her, he could already see what had made his brother fall in love with her. Aside from being beautiful, Freya seemed to be a sweet, caring, strong and intelligent person. He honestly couldn't wait to get to know her more.

"Call me anytime, for anything. Seriously, Peter, anytime." Freya said to her brother as she crouched down in front of him.

"I will. Don't worry about it." He answered, his eyes traveling behind her, where he could see the Winchester brothers leaning against the car, waiting for her. "I've packed a couple of comics in there, in case you get bored and so you don't forget me." He said, handing her a backpack.

"As if I could." She smiled.

"Dad has also put a gift in there. I think it was something from Mom." Freya looked down at the backpack.

"Would you thank him for me?" She asked, trying not to show the sadness in her voice. Peter nodded.

"Sure."

Freya nodded slightly, looking back at Sam and Dean.

"Remember, salt, holy water and silver knife under the bed." She said, looking up again at her little brother. "You have the key to my guns and you know where to hide."

"Relax. I've got it." He assured her, as he had already heard her say that just a few minutes before.

"Okay." She whispered.

"We'll be all right."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." She nodded. "I know."

"I'll miss you." He said, wrapping his arms around her.

"I'll miss you too, buddy." Freya smiled, hugging him back. "I love you."

"Love you too."

Freya had never spent that much time apart from her brother. Peter was like a son to her. Sure, Henry was a loving and caring father, but he was also a very busy one. She had always felt like a mother to him. Every time he had a nightmare, Peter would appear in her bed. Every time something exciting happened to him at school, she was the one he told. She just hoped that the distance wouldn't break the bond between them.

Pressing a kiss to his cheek, Freya broke away from the hug, getting to her feet to join Dean and Sam in the car.

"Ready?" Dean asked as he saw her approaching him.

"Yup." She nodded.

"All right. The back seats are all yours. You won't be driving anytime soon, so make yourself comfortable." He said, opening the driver's door.

Freya frowned, her hand gripping the door handle. "Why not?"

Dean looked back at her. "Remember the last time I gave you Baby's keys? I won't make the same mistake."

"I've learned since then, you know." She answered. Dean raised his eyebrows at her, giving her a serious look. "Fine." She sighed, getting inside the car.

Imitating her action, Dean got behind the wheel. His eyes taking one last glance at Peter, who was waving goodbye to Freya.

"Come on, Dean, stop frowning." Freya leaned over the back of the front seats, resting her arms on it and placing her head between both brothers. "We might make a good team." She smiled, before slightly nudging the youngest's shoulder. "Right, Sammy?"

Normally Sam wouldn't let anyone besides his brother use that nickname, but he liked the way it sounded when she said it. So with an amused smile he turned to Dean.

"Yeah." He replied, receiving a not-so-amused look from him.

"Is the rule still the same?" Freya asked, gaining his attention back as he started the car.

"What rule?"

"You know 'driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole'"

"Right." He nodded.

"Well I'm not riding shotgun and I've got some pretty good cassette tapes here." She informed, looking inside the backpack her brother had given her.

"You're not the driver either." He pointed out.

"Come on, Dean." She insisted. Sam smiled in amusement, looking over at his brother. "I've got good taste in music. You said it yourself."

"I must have been drunk."

"Very funny." She said, rolling her eyes. "But, seriously, we can't listen to the same four albums all the time."

"I've been telling him that for years." Sam commented.

"Maybe on the next stop."

"Really?" They both looked at him with surprise. Freya with a gleam of hope in her eyes while Sam did with disbelief.

"I said maybe."

"I take that as a yes." Freya smiled, leaning against the back of her seat.

Tag List: @deans-spinster-witch @lmhf1

If you'd like to be tagged, drop me a comment

[getmylifetogetherwme]

9/6/24 - Hi!

Hi!

I guess I should start this whole thing by introducing myself. My name is C! I'm in my final year of college, and I'm in the process of trying to really figure out what that means.

I spent the past three years of my college experience battling a serious illness. I won't go into too much detail, but just know, it rhymed with schmancer. So yeah. I had that, a really stubborn one too - the type that just refuses to go away even after you blast it with a ton of chemo.

Anyway, so that experience culminated into an extreme effort this year to finally rid me of the darn thing, and voila. It worked. I've been in remission for a few months now. It was really hard at first. Like I said, it was a pretty extreme effort (won't go into detail here, maybe later), but it left me feeling pretty terrible. Like I-couldn't-believe-the-world-was-still-turning-because-everything-was-so-awful kind of terrible. But finally, I guess I started feeling pretty human again.

So what does this all mean? Well, I guess it really means that I experienced shit at 19-22 that most people won't experience till they're much older (if at all). And I guess it also means I didn't really get the traditional college experience most people really strive for. There were few if any "wild nights" and fun.

I did "find myself" though. And then I found myself again. And again. Etc., so at least I had that bit of "normalcy." Everyone does that in college, or so I've heard.

Anyway, so this blog. Why make it, right? Here's the truth of the matter:

I am 22, in my final year of undergrad, and I want to get my life together. I want to study effectively, take care of my body (especially after all it has been through + done for me), and I just want to be the version of myself I know I can be.

Most importantly: I want accountability. That's where this blog comes in.

My hope with this blog is that it'll keep me going. I've tried a few times to kickstart this sort of "be the best version of myself" journey, and I've only been successful once, a few years ago, but then I fell off that horse, and well - I WANNA GET BACK ON!

So this blog will be a sort of an accountability diary/journal of sorts for me. I'll tell you guys all about my week, what I did that week to achieve my goals, etc. etc.. Also share pictures of things I'm studying, my life, etc. etc.. And maybe you guys will feel comfortable enough to let me in on some of your victories too!

I haven't really used tumblr in a while, not since I was like 16-ish, so I'm not really sure if people still use it for more traditional type of blogs, but if you're interested in studying, working out, reading, writing, trying to reach life goals, I would really appreciate it if you followed my blog and gave me a chance!

My next post will probably be getting into my details about my goals and such.

Thanks for reading,

-C

[parachutingkitten]

No actually, time can't pass differently in the never realm.

Sorry Doc, but now that you're the one making lore tweets, you get the prolonged tumblr rants from me.

To be fair, he does seem to be handling things in a way I much prefer to tommy. Cryptic self deprecation at a (maybe?) mistake is always a better look than doubling down, so this is all incredibly light hearted, but here we go:

If time does in fact work differently, then I have to assume that means time is moving more quickly in the never realm. Zane gets sent to the Never-Realm, and in the time it takes for the ninja to follow, sixty years passes in the never. Great.

In show it seems like it takes maybe a day or two for the ninja to realize what's happened and follow after him. For some easy math, let's just round it out to about 6 days, meaning that each day in ninjago is a decade in the never.

Problem is, we see pix and wu waiting for the ninja to return. We have at least 2 incidents in ninjago taking place on separate days (The Absolute Worst and Kaiju Protocol), meaning at minimum, the ninja are gone for 2 days ninjago time, which would imply the ninja were in the never realm for 2 whole decades which... can not be true.

So, maybe I did some estimating wrong. What if it took the ninja a solid month to grieve their loss, and then realized there was hope and go after Zane? That takes the ratio down to about 2 years in the never for every ninjago day. 4 years is still an insanely long time which does not map up to what we see in the never realm. In MotM, the ninja refer to this and other missions as all happening within the span of "weeks", implying that not only do all these missions happen immediately back to back, but that their time in the never realm was no more than a couple weeks. Now, they may be referring to the time that passed in Ninjago alone, but the way it's phrased seems to imply the time experienced by the ninja themselves. It's phrased as a reminder that they haven't been home in a while, which they obviously wouldn't need to be reminded of, if they had spent more than a month or so away, nevermind 4 years.

But say that we assume the never adventure took place over the course of a full month in never time, the most I am willing to conceed before later statements don't make sense. That leaves us with a 1/15 ratio, meaning the gap between Zane being blasted away, and the ninja following after him is 4 years. That... can not be true. There is no chance it took Wu 4 years to go and visit aspheera for the first time. There is no way everyone looks the same, the team hasn't split up, and Pixal just happens to still be having plot relevant nightmares. There is no way the time skip between episodes 14 and 15 of season 11 is 4 times as long as between seasons 14 and 15.

All of this is not to mention, we're still using our extremely conservative estimate of the ninja being gone for 2 days ninjago time, which not only assumes that the absolute worst and Kaiju Protocol happen back to back, but also that the news broke to the papers that the ninja had left, it was printed, and a paper was discarded close enough to blow over prison walls, in less than a day.

So, unless "time passed differently" means that time literally started passing differently when the ninja entered into the realm, normalizing it to ninjago time... I do not see what this could possibly mean. We see a montage of time passing in episode 17 that shows us a day in the never is just about as long as we would expect, if not maybe longer. The only way I can think that this might make sense is if people in the never realm refer to a day as a year- meaning Zane was corrupted for maybe 2 months max. And that kinda undercuts the drama a bit, don't it?

Btw, any way you slice it, formlings definitely age differently. Akita's tribe gets frozen as winter comes to the never realm, when she's a child, and 60 years later, she is a teenager seeking revenge. Which for those who care (me, I'm saying this for me), means if you like the 'Lloyd has life extending Oni blood like his dad' HC, Akita may be a decent choice to ship.

I do appreciate his attempts to make this the canon answer, as it does feel less stupid than the time travel thing. The 60 year blast from tommy feels inherently random and without purpose, and so comes across as a plot hole filler more than anything else. Unfortunately, this explanation is pretty impossible unless you want to introduce some MAJOR time skips to the timeline, or change the 60 year timeframe all together.

Anyway, the consistent time difference is impossible, and Akita has a very long expected life span. Unless they explicitly decide to kill her off, there is no reason to believe she is dead.

[dustrose]

In Regards to the Final Bracket

Hey, all.

I'm what many would describe as a "lurker." I'm quite shy when it comes to things like this, that is, posting my opinion on the internet. It's not something I ever planned to do, nor something I'm confident in, but it is something I've been meaning to do for a few days now.

So why am I writing this? It's simple, really, I voted for SuleMio in the poll.

First of all, I want to get some disclaimers and the like out of the way, along with a TL:DR.

Destiel is absolutely sacred history, and it always will be. I do not mean to downplay its significance. It is important to not only lgbtq+ but also fandoms as a whole. Without Destiel, I doubt the internet would have developed in the same way, for better or worse. (I mean, we wouldn't have Tumblr, would we?)

With that being said, it is also important to mention that Destiel isn't the only history. History is ever-changing, there's always more being added, and in this case, that is SuleMio. While Destiel changed the course of the internet when it was popular, SuleMio is changing it now.

Okay, now for a quick TL:DR

Destiel is important for history, but SuleMio is important for the future. Neither is better than the other; they're amazing in their own ways. We really shouldn't be fighting over something we can easily agree on. They are both ships that revolutionized in their times, and they are both ships that deserve to be respected, as do the people supporting them.

-----

Now to start the rambling!

So, I created a Tumblr to vote in this bracket. When I first stumbled upon it and voted, I actually had no idea what Destiel was (later looked it up, and I've seen Supernatural, so y'know, "oh, neat.") More than that, I was only introduced to Gundam as a franchise in late March, being through a friend who recommended G_Witch to me (which I am ever-grateful for).

In a way, I'm absolutely an outsider. I haven't been with either ship for very long and haven't experienced the same things others have experienced. I haven't even finished Supernatural, nor was I there when Bandai said SuleMio was "up for interpretation."

And yet, I'm here, putting my thoughts on paper because I think this is important.

That is, respecting what came before and respecting what will come after.

Destiel and SuleMio are two sides of the same coin. We can sit here and whine about the little things...

But Destiel isn't canon!

But Sulemio didn't kiss!

Don't care, that's not the point here. The point is that both of these ships, these relationships, have affected many communities and have touched many hearts. There's no right or wrong, no "mine's better" or "yours is stupid," they're just ships, but more than that, they are history.

Let's start with one of the biggest things. Destiel is Tumblr, isn't it? I was too young when all of that happened to be on Tumblr, so frankly, I didn't know until recently that it was history, but even so, I can appreciate it. I never went on Tumblr, but I did like a lot of stuff on it (you guys are really funny.) What I mean is, I have no history with Tumblr, yet I can still appreciate what has happened.

Not to say that you have to, of course. I get being tired of Destiel, feeling like its beating a dead horse. But let's stop and imagine for a moment, heck, maybe even two moments, that in twenty years when SuleMio is old news, and there's a new, big queer ship on the table, there will be some people clinging onto what came before. In this case, I'm certain I'll still have a soft spot for SuleMio; I'll probably hang onto it until I die (24 fanfictions on AO3 doesn't go away that easily, y'know), but I'm also certain that the new ship would probably win.

It's as I mentioned earlier. History is ever-changing, ever being built upon. There's always something new, something someone begins with, and there's also something old and something someone has always been with, if that makes any sense?

Destiel is that something old; it's what came before, but just because it's not the present anymore doesn't mean its accomplishments should be overlooked. Furthermore, SuleMio isn't even a year old yet. It's fresh off the press, fresh in our minds, and it's definitely one of the most important pieces of media to be released in the 2020s. It's new, but like Destiel, its accomplishments shouldn't be overlooked because of how old it is.

In the end, this poll was just something silly to get our little gremlin minds going. I mean, we all knew it would end like this, didn't we? In discourse--when it comes to ships, it's always discourse.

Y'know, I was there for bmblb vs blacksun, and yikes.

Anyway, as I was saying, this isn't something we should be fighting about. Especially not calling people names, as I've seen a few people do. No matter what the case, insulting others for disagreeing with you will never do anything but make you look immature.

Ah, side tangent, my bad.

This is getting long, oopsies, but I thought it was important to get some of this on paper... er, computer? Because I hate to see a community in disarray when we should be celebrating both of these ships for what they've done and what they could do.

I think that's everything, yeah. Stay safe, drink water, consume lots of queer media, and have some fun. :3

-Rose

[lady-bess]

An Open Letter to Fanfiction

Today, on the 15th of May 2024, marks a special day for me. Specifically it is a special day for one particular work of mine over on A03.

A Rough Sketch.

Now, I don't usually talk about this fic on my social media. In fact, with it being RPF, I have made a conscious decision not to. It exists on my profile for those who are interested to read on, and for those who would rather not read RPF, I don't actively promote it.

But today, I'd like to discuss it. Not so much to promote the work, but rather as a way to talk about how that worked fundamentally changed my life.

And how, had it not been for that work, I'd probably not be here today.

I was talking with some friends the other day about why we personally write fanfiction. Is it to share stories? Sure! Is it to find people with common ground? Yeah, of course! Fandoms are a wonderful place, and finding more people to talk about your interests with is always a delight.

But it got me thinking; why do I write? And so, on on the anniversary of A Rough Sketch, I decided now was a good a time as any to reflect. To look back on this last year, and what led me to be where I am today.

A Rough Sketch, for me, was the beginning of a journey. A journey which helped me process a grief I didn't even realise I was harbouring. What started as a silly little idea based on a trope I (shamefully) adore, the classic "meet the love of your life in a quaint coffee shop", became a story that has currently reached over 26,000 people.

The more I wrote, the greater the community I found online, and one by one those individuals found their way here onto my Tumblr, or onto my Twitter (@/this15theway, by the way!).

From these interactions I've forged friendships and loves that will last me a lifetime. I have grown closer to more people in this last year, and forged deeper connections with some, than with people I have known in my every day life for years. The power of the written word brought kindred spirits together, and created bonds that won't be broken.

That is why I write. Community. Friendship. Love. Belonging.

And writing, at the end of all this, has saved me.

I've had one hell of a year. I won't dive too much into it here, but I've taken some huge steps up in my career, while simultaneously experiencing my mental health hit absolute rock bottom. If you told me a year ago I'd be in therapy and on anti-depressants today, I wouldn't have believed you. Naively I thought that I would never need such things, that I was fine! Alas, I was not.

But what I also wouldn't have believed was that I kept writing. That A Rough Sketch, as well as so many other of my works, would reach far beyond my imagination. That I'd one day have my own online community over on Twitter full of people who love and enjoy the same things of me.

That, once again, I would have a sense of belonging in this world.

To everyone who I have met this last year, be that someone who I haven't heard much from recently, or those of you who are in my inbox daily - thank you. Words can never describe just how much you all changed my life. I wouldn't have much life left in me if I hadn't gone down this road, and truthfully now I cannot see my life without you all in it. You litter my life like stars speckle the dark night sky, brightening up an otherwise somber existence.

While this post, this "letter", is for me rather personal and stems from one particular work, I hope that there is something here which resonates across to many of you reading. Author, or reader, I hope that everyone experiences this same sense of community and belonging that I have this last year.

Happy Birthday A Rough Sketch. Thank you.

If you want to read the work referenced, the link can be found here. This will be my only promotion for the series, given the content.

Thank you, each and every one of you.

All my love,

LadyBess xox