#[with this I take my hiatus since we're moving]

[ghost-in-the-hall]

Fall For Me (Poly! Sleep Token x Fem! Reader) - Part VI

Why hello there! I am finally back with an Eepy Boi update!! Sorry it took me so long to get around to posting this, between the holidays and my work schedule being all over the place and a heap of other junk it took me a bit, lol. We're taking a little jump back? Forward? In time this chapter, the Fall Festival is finally upon us... Maybe a little bit of tension starts to occur? This is going to be a very fun chapter hehe. Thank all of you so so much for your continued support during my hiatus, I see every single note, reblog, and kudos on this fic, I read every single comment I get, all of you are absolutely wonderful, again, thank you. If you would like to be added to my tag list for this fic, please let me know! If you ever want to come be crazy over the Sleep Token boys with me, shoot me an ask or a message! Now onto the good stuff, I hope you enjoy!

WARNINGS: None, fluff, not proofread

My Masterlist! ~ A03 Link!

Part V - Part VII

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“Absolutely not.” Vessel responds blankly as he flips through one of the magazines by the register.

“Ves, come on.” You groan. “It's one night.”

“Yeah, one night with a whole group of people that want to run us out of town.” He retaliates in the same bored tone as he turns another page.

“Everyone's going to be wearing costumes, no one will know it's you.” You offer as you start bagging his purchase.

“They've seen pictures of us, love.”

“What? Those blurry, grainy sasquatch looking photos from the paper?” You sigh, handing him the bags. “Listen, I know you're worried. I know you just want to keep everyone safe, but you hiding yourselves away is only going to make people more suspicious.” You could feel his eyes studying your face.

“I get the slightest feeling that something is wrong we leave, do we have a deal?” He sticks out his hand to you, you clap your own into his without hesitation, giving it a firm shake. “I agree that people might be more comfortable with us being in town if we can exist in the same space without an issue… I just hope you're right about this.” 

“I'll be right by your side the whole time.” You exchange a soft smile.

“Are you closing early that day?” He asks.

“Of course, I have to get into costume myself.” You giggle. “I'll be closing at noon that day, but I can always reopen if you guys want to stock up afterwards.” You offer.

“It’s not that, I wouldn't want to trouble you.” He chuckles. “I was thinking maybe we could meet here before the festival.” 

“I'd like that.” 

“Then it's a date.” He bows his head slightly in dismissal before pushing out the door.

The next day the store was abuzz with excited children picking out glow sticks, mother's buying ingredients for their bake sale items, and last minute costume necessities for all the town's residents. “Miss (Y/N)!” You can't help but smile as a young boy with messy brown hair and a gapped tooth smile rushes up to the counter.

“Daclan, she's busy-” his mother starts, a bubbly school teacher you had gotten to know quite well since she had moved to town.

“Don't worry about it, Siobhan.” You chuckle, pulling the bucket of candy out from behind the counter and discreetly offering it to him. You lean down slightly, “if you don't tell the other kids I'll let you take two.” You whisper with a wink. He shoves his hand into the bucket before quickly and triumphantly retrieving his candy.

“Miss (Y/N), are you coming to the Fall festival?” He asks excitedly.

“Of course I am, I wouldn't miss it for the world.” You smile. “What's your costume going to be this year?” He starts rambling on about his skeleton costume as you ring the two of them up.

“Woah! Mom, look at him!” Your attention flashes over to the door to see Vessel frozen in place as every pair of eyes in the store land on him. As quickly as he caught their attention it was gone, the bustling energy returning once more as everyone continued their shopping. You motion him closer with a wave of your hand. Declan stared up at the large masked man in amazement. “What are you supposed to be?”

Vessel gives you the briefest of looks, not exactly sure how to respond at first. But, seeing the boy's bright smile and lack of fear, it warmed his heart. He leans down, resting his elbows on the counter to bring himself closer to eye level. “The Grim Reaper, pretty scary, right?” He says with a grin.

“Awesome!” Declan exclaims in response. “Mom, can we make a costume like his next year?” Vessel chuckles at the young boy’s excitement.

“Sure thing, honey.” She ruffles Declan’s hair. “Come on, let’s let Miss (Y/N) close up so she can get ready.” You exchange goodbye’s with her, Declan telling you that he hopes you get to see his costume before hurrying out the door.

“So far so good.” You remark as you lean against the counter, you and Vessel shifting to more easily face each other. “I promise tonight will be fun.” You reach out, grabbing his shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“Well, if you talk so highly about this festival, I can't see any harm in giving it a shot.” You wait for your last few customers to file out of the store before locking up.

“Where's everyone else?” You ask, looking out in the empty lot for their truck.

“They're in back, I hope you don't mind.”

“Not at all.” You click off your open sign with a smile, motioning with a nod for Vessel to follow you out the front door. Your keys jingled in your hand as you struggled with the lock. “You'd think after all this time I wouldn't mess this up.” You sigh. The front door had a tendency to not shut fully unless things were maneuvered a certain way; the keys had to be slid into the lock a certain way, you had to push the door fully shut with your shoulder, you felt your cheeks start to burn as you struggled with something so simple in Vessel’s presence.

“Mind if I give it a try?” He offers quietly. You shuffle out of his way, the heat of his body noticeable against yours as he slid a little too close behind you. He jiggles the key slightly, slamming his shoulder into the glass pane’s metal frame, managing to slide the deadbolt into place. He pulls on the handle a couple times, making sure it's fully secure, before turning to you with a proud smile. “There, that should do it. He follows you out back, the other three members of the usual group lounging in the cab of the truck. IV was the first to notice you, perking up in his seat when his eyes landed on your approaching form. He nudges II, who looks up immediately from the book he was reading at the mention of your name.

“Where's your costume?” III asks in mock annoyance. He hops down from his place situated in the bed of the truck, his long strides allowing him to approach you quickly and pull you into his arms. He pulls back slightly, his blue eyes finding yours and making you freeze under their warm gaze. “Promise me I'll get you to myself for at least a little while tonight.” You could hear the smile he was wearing under his mask lace it's way through his words. Before you had a chance to respond the passenger door of the truck was kicked open, IV practically falling to the ground as he scrambled out. Your eyes darted up to three, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he gazed down at you. He gives you a quick wink before he steps back, satisfied with your flustered state. 

IV bounds up to you, excitedly taking your hands in his. “I can't wait to see your costume.” You jump slightly as a warm hand if placed against your lower back, you caught the sight of II in your peripheral.

“Well we have to let her go get changed into it first.” He chuckles. “It's good to see you, love.”

“Come on guys.” You chuckle, motioning for the four of them to follow you. “You can hang out upstairs while I get ready.”

It always made your heart swell every time they were all together in one place. The warm, me jovial energy that filled your apartment had you practically skipping to your room to get changed. You could hear the four of them continue to talk in the living room, just quiet enough to make it so you couldn't hear. You opened your closet, pulling out the neatly packaged bag that contained your costume. You shimmied into the tight dress, the stretchy fabric hugging all of your curves just right. Was this the most original costume in the world? Absolutely not. But, considering you were hoping to catch the attention of some masked men in particular this evening, you figured it wouldn't hurt to be a little cliche. You did your makeup as quickly as you could, a dark smokey eye that was finished off by you drawing a little black nose at the tip of your own with eyeliner. You grabbed the headband from your vanity, adjusting it perfectly atop your head before giving yourself one final once over in the mirror and heading back out to your waiting guests. The room fell silent the second you stepped through your door, four pairs of eyes locked on your small form. All of the sudden attention made you feel self conscious about your costume choice, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. You wrapped your arms around your torso, your cheeks warming as you looked between the four. “Does it look ba-”

You didn't have a chance to finish your question before they were all scrambling out of their various seats towards you. All of them reassuring you that you looked fantastic and apologizing for staring. Your small group prepared to head out, III hung back to wait for you, his monstrous form taking up most of the doorway. You smile up at him as you straighten up from pulling on your shoes. “You look beautiful.” He compliments you softly, making your cheeks warm.

“Thank you.” He slips his hands into yours, his lips warm through his mask as he places a soft kiss to your knuckles.

“Ready to get going?” You nod, letting your hand reluctantly fall from his.

You piled into their truck, you were currently squished in between Vessel and II, III and IV curled up in the bed. “So, you're all excited about this festival, what are we even going to be doing?” Vessel asks suddenly, breaking the silence in the truck.

“Well,” you start, “there's going to be a lot of food, hay rides, a costume contest, lots of vendors from around the town, a few rides, a haunted house. It's nothing spectacular, but I’m hoping it will make you guys feel more at home here.” You noticed him and II exchange a look over your head. It wasn't long before you pulled into the bumpy dirt parking lot of the fair grounds. III vaulted out of the truck, his heavy boots landing on the ground with a loud thud. You notice II shove him back slightly as he holds out his hand to help you out of the truck. He gives your hand a soft squeeze before dropping it, you were quickly surrounded by the four men, all of you chatting happily as you made your way up to the festival. The four froze, taking in the chaotic sight before then. IV reached out, slipping his hand into yours.

“There's a lot of people, huh?” He asks, startling back slightly as a child rushes past his legs.

“The whole town’s probably going to show up.” You explain. You lean on closer to him, “you alright big guy? We can always turn around and go back to my place if this is too much.” You squeeze his hand reassuringly.

“I think I can handle it if you're by my side.” You noticed his features soften as he smiles under his mask. Your cheeks warm, your eyes darting to the ground in an attempt to try and hide your flustered expression.

“Where should we start?” III slips an arm around your shoulder, you instinctually lean into his side.

“You're the expert, love, lead the way.” Vessel shoots you a sharp grin. The group stayed close to your side, forming a buffer between you and the rest of the crowd. You wandered from booth to booth, letting the boy's childlike wonder take over as they excitedly showed you small trinkets and hand made gifts they stumbled across. The booth of old ladies selling goat milk soap cooed over how adorable all your costumes were, slipping sweets into all your hands as you made your way out. You paused in front of a vendor selling handmade jewelry, you jumped slightly as a hand came to rest on your waist.

“That would look very pretty on you.” II’s gentle voice meets your ears.

“You think so?” You ask through a flustered giggle. II asked to see the necklace in question, the beautifully wire wrapped crystal sparkling in the gradually setting sun. “It is really pretty.”

“How much?” He asks without hesitation. The young woman running the stand told him the price, to which II shocked you by immediately purchasing the necklace. He steps behind you, your hand raising to the unfamiliar weight as it falls around your neck. “A beautiful necklace for the most beautiful woman in the world.” His warm breath bounces off your cheek as he speaks, sending a shiver down your spine. You glance over your shoulder, your eyes immediately finding his bright blue ones.

“You know you didn't have to buy me anything.” You see the corners of his eyes crinkle as he smiles.

“What if I wanted to?” You didn't miss the teasing tone that had laced its way into his words. You traced a finger along the cool metal wire, fully turning yourself to face him. You glance up at him through your lashes, struggling to find the right words to say to thank him. You pushed yourself up onto your toes, quickly pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Well, I think that’s very sweet. Thank you, II.” You perk up at the sound of one of the others calling your name, III appearing at your side and slipping his hand into yours.

“Mind if I steal her from you?” He quickly asks II.

“Not at all.” He holds up his hands with a soft chuckle. “I'm sure I'll manage to snag her back later.” He winks at you, making your cheeks grow warm.

“What a shame,” III leans down to murmur quietly in your ear, “looks like I'm going to have to beat them off with a stick to get you to myself.”

“Careful, you're all going to make me think you have a crush on me or something.” You tease in response, shooting him a playful smile of your own.

“Only a pretty little thing like you could handle something like that.” He winks. “I want to make sure you eat before IV gets over excited and drags you off to the rides.” He jokes with a smile. He tucks you safely into his side, helping you avoid the bustling crowd that surrounded you.

“Are you having a good time?” You ask him softly. He glances down at you, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiles.

“Yeah, I’m spending time with you, of course I’m having a good time.” You let out a bashful giggle, quickly turning away as you feel your cheeks grow warm. 

As the evening carried on you couldn't help but notice II grow more fidgety with every passing hour, occasionally leaning into Vessel to whisper something only for the taller man to clap him on the shoulder and give him a reassuring grin. You were currently sat in a circle on the ground, finding a nice place in the open field to settle down and have some good together. You laughed as IV expertly stole a bite of your corn dog faster than you could comprehend what had happened. “What's your favorite ride?” II suddenly chimes in from his position sitting across from you.

“I'm personally a big fan of the haunted house, I think all the cheap jump scares are fun.” You respond with a laugh.

IV makes an intrigued noise. “We should all go on!”

“Only two people can ride together, unfortunately.”

“Well, how about you ride with me then?” II winks at you, making you blush.

“If you think you can handle it.” You tease in response. II stands, offering you his hand which you eagerly accept. He hoists you from the ground, pulling you into his side and slinging his arm across your shoulders. Vessel tagged along with IV, knowing it would be the only way to stop him from complaining about how he wanted to go too, III elected to stay back to save your spot. You all chatted happily as you stood in line, the slow creeping pace allowing them to see a little of what the ride had in store for them.

Brown metal buggies horribly painted to look like wood creaked along the track, bat shaped hood ornaments were barely recognizable after years of dings and chipped paint.A repeating track of over dramatic screams and ghoulish moaning looped from the speakers. “Next in line, please!” The ticket collector barked, IV and Vessel stepped up first, IV practically vibrating with excitement as he waited for the all clear to get on. II’s arm slid around your waist as you stepped forward, waiting patiently for the next cart to wheel itself into place. “Y’all have fun.” He waves you on. II helps you step into the cart, your body thudding against the thin, leather covered padding on the seat.

“You’re not going to get all scared on me now, are you?” You ask in a playful tone.

“Oh, don’t worry sweetheart, I’ll be right here to protect you.” He returns with a smirk. Your body lurched slightly as the buggy started to move. You were hit with a blast of cold air as you crept into the dark space, II’s arm wrapping around your shoulders, you found yourself instinctually snuggling into his side. You jumped slightly, giggling over being startled by the second air cannon you had rolled past.

You rolled past a growling werewolf, “Look, you can see the wires.” You nudge him slightly, pointing upwards.

“I personally think it adds to the experience.” He chuckles, you can’t help but laugh yourself. “You’re so beautiful.” You feel your breath freeze in your lungs at his compliment. You clung to him as something shot out of the darkness at you, it took you a moment to recognize the plastic skeleton’s limbs rattling at you. Your eyes are drawn back to him as you feel a warm hand slip over your cheek. “And you thought I was going to be the one getting scared.” He chuckles, his eyes flashing briefly to your lips. “Cute.” He fidgets with the edge of his mask for a moment, stretching the black fabric away from his neck. “Can- can I, um…” He swallows thickly, his confidence immediately crumbling as you continue to cling to him for comfort. “Can I kiss you?” You nodded, your wide eyes glimmering in the dim light. Without hesitation II lifts his mask, his lips slotting perfectly against your own. Your hand slides over his chest, you could feel his heart pounding under your palm. As quickly as the kiss had started it was over, II’s mask already neatly back in place by the time your eyes fluttered open. You hide your face against his neck, hoping he hadn’t noticed your flustered appearance. “That was nice.” He suddenly chimes in, making you giggle. You both reluctantly shuffle away from each other as the exit opens in front of you, squinting under the bright lights. II offers you his hand to help you from the cart, your eyes meeting his as he smiles. Your pinky wraps around his as he lets his hand slip out of your grasp. You hear him laugh softly at your actions, allowing your fingers to stay linked.

“That wasn’t even scary.” IV groans as you approach.

“I never said it was scary, I just said I liked it.” You respond. Vessel smiles down at you.

“How was riding with II?” He asks with a chuckle. Your cheeks immediately warm at the question.

“We had fun.” You get out through a nervous giggle. 

“Well, look who’s back.” You can’t help but smile at III’s cheerful tone. He hoists himself up from his position on the ground with a soft groan. “How was it beautiful?” Your eyes trailed after the people that were starting to gather in the open field.

“It was fun.” You felt a pang of guilt in your chest as you thought about kissing II. “See anything interesting while we were gone?”

“There’s a pretty good band playing over there.” He nods somewhere behind you. “Want to go check it out?”

“Sure.” You can’t help but smile as you feel the warmth of III’s hand brush against yours. The two of you lazily strolled in the direction of the music that floated through the air. A local folk group was currently performing under a gazebo, a small dance floor set up in front of the stage. You laughed as III took your hand and spun you around in time with the music, pulling you to him and swaying you in his arms.

“Do you know how to dance?” He asks with a grin.

“Not very well,” you giggle in response, “but I feel like with you that won’t matter too much.” You found yourself easily falling into a rhythm with him, every small misstep and teasing comment from him made you both crumble into fits of laughter. You both paused, looking up at the sky with the rest of the crowd as fireworks started going off overhead. III continues to hold you close, your arms sliding over his shoulders as the two of you watch the display. He fully encircles your waist with one arm, his hand sliding over your cheek, turning your face in order for his warm lips to find yours. Unlike the kiss with II, III took his time letting the sensation of kissing you sink in. You felt so small in his arms, the gentle dominance he had over the kiss allowing your body to fully relax into his embrace as your eyes fluttered shut. He traces a thumb along your jaw before hesitantly pulling away.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” He rushes to apologize, his body relaxing at the sight of the soft smile that had laced its way across your lips. Your eyes meet his, bright blue irises scanned your features with an adoration you had never seen. “I really like you.”

“III-”

“There you guys are!” He jolts back from you, the sudden lack of warmth making you shiver. “We’ve been looking all over the place for you!” It was IV, he jogged up to you. “Vessel wants to get going.”

You found yourself in the cab of the truck between Vessel and IV, II and III electing to sit in the bed for the ride back to your place. Your mind raced as you played over both men kissing you over and over again in your head. You didn’t know what to do. On one hand there was II, his silent charm and the undeniable intimacy the two of you have has drawn you in from the beginning. But then there was III, who made your heart race and dominated every aspect of your senses whenever you were with him. Who, despite his monstrous size, was always so gentle with you. You were absolutely torn. You rumbled into the store’s parking lot, Vessel parking the truck around back. You stood at the bottom of your stairs in a small circle. “Well, I hate to admit it, but that was pretty fun.” Vessel grins at you, there were murmurs of agreement amongst the group.

“Do you guys want to come up for a bit? There’s, um, there’s kind of something I need to talk to you about.” You fidget with your hands as you nervously put the statement out there. You were going to deal with feeling conflicted the only way you knew how, by facing the problem head on.

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[prolix-yuy]

Hello friends! It's been way way way way WAY too long since we chatted, and to be honest I've been taking an embarrassingly long time to write this update post because godDAMN life just gets you sometimes and you go on an impromptu hiatus that gets super messy. So let's get into what's been going on and what to look forward to!

Pedro Tax for this long-ass post.

(We're gonna get into some personal stuff, but if you're just here for what's coming up skip down to WHAT'S NEXT for the tl;dr version)

So beyond work getting hectic from January to March, which was the catalyst for everything getting wacky, I experienced a weird emotional turn that I wasn't expecting. It made me get a little introspective, which I blame some of my productivity slump on.

As I was finishing up the Bangathon entries, I noticed a sharp decline in interaction. I'm a fairly young fic writer on Tumblr, but I was a little baffled as to why stories I'd posted only a week before got a nice bit of interaction yet the newer ones were only getting half to a quarter of what I expected. For a minute I thought I had been shadowbanned (I was not) or I hadn't tagged the posts (I had) or my taglists weren't working (they were). People were already talking about interaction being lower, so I sat back and tried to go with the flow and not let it bother me. I posted Decoherence, which has a more niche audience, but I was definitely missing and wishing for some of the comments and reblogs I thought I might get.

All this led up to one of the least favorite voices in my head saying something that stuck around:

"Well, you were right not to become a writer if your motivation is this closely tied to feedback."

If you're new here or I haven't talked about it much recently, I initially was planning to be a writer. Went to school for it and everything. While I was there I felt like I hadn't found the stories I wanted to tell yet. My colleagues were developing in their niches and writing "the great American novel" and I didn't feel like I fit in. My stories had a lukewarm reception, and I never felt like anyone was excited about anything I was trying to say. So I wrote myself into burnout by the time I graduated with not much to show for it. I ended up doing a career switch, which I love to this day, but I stopped writing for almost 10 years.

Coming to Tumblr, I felt that spark of excitement writing again, and some of that was definitely due to people commenting and being excited or interested in the stories I was sharing. That truly revived something in me I thought was long gone, and reflecting back on the last two years that I've been sharing stories with this community makes me wildly emotional. I didn't know how much I missed of the life I left behind, and how much joy it brought me to share stories again.

Which is why it was SUPREMELY FRUSTRATING to have that shitty little voice pulverize my productivity and excitement over something as silly as interaction. But I'm sure most of you know how hard it is to get that voice out of your head. I worked to write things I found fun and less stressful than the series I already felt bad for not updating. And while I still love those stories, it felt like I was pulling them from an inauthentic place and finishing them wasn't as satisfying as I'd hoped.

Thus the hiatus! I stopped writing and turned my attentions to consuming and creating in other ways. I watched some shows I'd been meaning to catch up on, started planning to buy a house, worked my butt off at the day job. And I was starting to feel like inspiration was coming back. I didn't want to spook it so I took my time and promised myself I was going to start small and not stress about getting stories out for a bit.

Top that off with some medical surprises, an upcoming surgery, and a little re-evaluation of life moving forward and things have been wild. But I've been missing the daily joy I get from being part of this fandom, and I'm getting back into being here more because I miss you guys! AND! I have stories I want to share and fun to be had. So let's shake off all the heavy shit and get to the fun stuff!

WHAT'S NEXT!

The big thing I'm getting ready to post (after teasing it for so long) is the 2024 Bangathon! This one is different from last year's because instead of requesting stories from me, the Bangathon is open to anyone who wants to participate! There will be a randomizer to play with, and some fun bonuses for those who participate. The announcement will be coming out soon, stay tuned!

As for fics, here are some updates on what's in my WIPs:

Series:

I Think of You: I spent some time rewatching Mando for the newest installment, and I've finally gotten the thread of where to go next thought out. It's been a long time coming so this one's gonna be BEEFY to make up for it.

SW!Frankie: I am crushed to realize it's been over a year since I posted any SW!Frankie! I've got a new story about him and Ms J moving in together I need to finish, then some more asks that are getting into new story arcs I'm excited to share!

Best Laid Plans: Dieter and Murch's first date is bouncing around in my head and I NEED to get it on paper. There's much fun to be had, and I've been binge listening to my playlist for them to get into the headspace.

Midnight Alley: I got all up in my own head about continuing the story with these two and lost a little steam, so I'm going to ease off my "big plans" and start smaller with some oneshots instead. I think it'll help me find out where I want this story to go.

One Shots in Progress:

Decoherence Follow-Up

Incubus!Dieter Ask

You know, laying it out like that makes it feel much more manageable than my brain was telling me! I'm also planning to prioritize more fic reading while I'm getting these updates in ship-shape. Reading your stories always helps get my creative juices flowing, and there are so many good ones lingering in my TBR list that I need to devour.

This has been a rollercoaster of emotions, so thank you for coming on the ride with me. I'm excited to bring more of myself back to Tumblr and have fun with all of you again! To many more stories!

[blossoms-phan]

Hi! I am a X escapee relatively recent Dan & Phil returnee who loves your posts, you seem so reasonable. I have just been given what felt like a 90 min presentation detailing how my innocent assumption that Dan and Phil were anything other than platonic housemates was incorrect and offensive.

The lecture i was given included every reference that highlighted, amongst other things: their "obvious" separate bedrooms, bathrooms, towels, angles of items shown in bedrooms, closets, mentions of wanting to go out and meet other men, lack of real concern (X words, not mine) at each others medical emergencies and every use of bro and friend that they have said post hiatus. It was very detailed, they were very insistent and I was very apologetic. I decided to flee the X hostility and head back to tumblr, but here everyone appears to think they are together. So now I am confused and don't want to offend a whole new group of people.

I think what set the X people off was i said "partner" as I was under the, I now know, incorrect impression that they went public years ago. Oops. Don't trust the internet is what I have learned from this. I thought all this drama would have died out long ago, but I assume this is a topic to stay far away from still? Thanks

hi anon! first of all, thank you for saying that (still can’t believe I’ve garnered enough attention on here that people specifically like my posts!), I really appreciate it. second of all imma be so real with you I am a person that still primarily refers to “X” as twitter bc I refuse to get with the times so this greatly confused me until I realized there was only one possible platform with those kind of people you could be talking about. i’m sorry you endured that exhausting sounding lecture and welcome you to phannie tumblr with open arms 🫶

i am here to gently reassure you that you can take what dnp say and do and show and form your own opinions about it, don’t let anyone tell you you’re right or wrong for drawing conclusions or making assumptions. however I will also be so bold and tell you why that individual is so blatantly wrong and maybe clear some of your confusion.

first of all, i think dnp would refer to themselves as anything but "platonic housemates." it all comes back to this but i dare someone to look me in the eyes and be so fr when saying that just because they've never stated in words "we're dating/boyfriends/partners etc" the simple fact that they share a mortgage on a "forever home" together, (according to them) spend literally all their time together, are partners in work/life/play (vacations), share families (dan being uncle to phil's niece) implies anything other than them being life partners. i'd also like to draw attention back to possibly the most blatantly open statement either of them has made about the nature of their relationship, in dan's video titled "basically i'm gay" where he describes them as "actual soulmates" and more. there are lots of people who have been discussing/answering posts about the concept of a "hard launch" recently which i could direct you to and i am of the mind that there's nothing wrong with conceptualizing the idea of a hard launch or them being more open to sharing details of their romantic relationship to an extent, but BIG is the most profound public statement of the nature of their relationship and, in my humble opinion, "the" hard launch as dan QUITE LITERALLY says "more than just romantic" and goes on to say he and phil are private people and that that's all he will say of it for now (keep in mind it's been 5 years since this statement- still relevant but minds can change, specifically theirs in terms of what they feel more comfortable and open sharing in a post-comeback world)

now moving on to the "references" you mentioned. again, highlighting literally any of this as "proof" that they are just friends or whatever is utterly ridiculous but i'll still go through it for funsies. i'd like to challenge this person that claims they have "obvious" seperate bedrooms by saying... what is so obvious about it?? dnp are highly aware that whatever they share with us will be analyzed or viewed under a microscope, so obviously they've carefully chosen which parts of the phouse to show us and they're not going to be like oh yeah this is OUR bedroom where we sleep TOGETHER every night. now i'm aware that yes, the "black" bedroom with dan's closet is more obviously a dan room that has been claimed as "his" bedroom. can't find it to link rn but they have posted a photo of the shelf of that room and while it is mostly dan stuff on the shelves, there was also a photo of phil's family and some of phil's books and items on the shelves. storage? sure, but if someone wants to claim that makes it so obviously dan's room then i can say that having phil's stuff in there could also point to them sharing the space. the room that phil films amazingphil videos in has been called a guest room/bed by them both, and in terms of rooms we've seen that just leaves the green room. imho everything points towards this being another guest room/possibly a room for family specifically to stay when they come- iirc nothing has been said to claim this as phil's room other than the fact that there is a painting by his dad and he occasionally films in there. i'm not going to pretend to know the ins and outs of their sleeping arrangements, but i think for two adults that own a huge house together and spend a lot of time together and have a lot of their own things it's perfectly reasonable to have "separate" bedrooms, multiple bathrooms/their own towels (?? i don't get this one i assume they're referring to the part of the golden pig video but like. obviously they have their own towels wtf lmao) and utter those things more on camera and then sleep together/share spaces in their own time.

once again, dan and phil know what they're doing. they are in control of what they show and share. calling each other "bro" and "friend" is an intentional choice and very much second nature at this point after doing it on camera for years. also it's not wrong or implies that they aren't romantic- i am of the opinion that they are friends first and they know that too. however, in a post-hiatus/comeback world, it almost feels pointed at this point. like a joke. a wink wink, nudge nudge, look-to-camera "we know you know" thing that they're keeping going just because they can.

in terms of the "going out and meeting other men" bit i assume they refer to jokes made by dan in the wad era? again, i'm not going to dive deep into this but dan is a comedian and post-coming out, wad and those other shows were the first time in his life he was able to be openly, unapologetically gay and himself and i think he was allowed to make a few grindr jokes for the fun of it. if dan values privacy in terms of his personal life, i highly doubt he would go around telling everyone he was hooking up with dudes- these are jokes plain and simple. but if you're interested @freckliedan has a wonderful post about dnp and the concept of monogamy/them sleeping with other people that i don't entirely disagree with and that is worded much better than i ever could so. i'd also like to talk to this person bc in what fucking world have they EVER shown a "lack of concern" at each others medical emergencies????? this is possibly the most baffling claim out of all of these to me. dan could not have made it more clear how scared/worried/traumatized he was by phil literally almost dying recently, and there have been more instances than i can count of him just being there for phil during all of his more recent health issues/scares. if this is referring to the eye incident, again i'm not going to pretend i know all the ins and outs of their relationship bc i don't- we know what they tell us. literally everything about this they said in a joking way, i don't know why people got their panties in a bunch- phil sending dan alone doesn't mean he doesn't care about him or anything, i honestly don't think he wouldn't have been much help going and i think they both kind of knew this, they were just playing it up to be a funny anecdote because they're entertainers. it's what they do. they've been making stories out of their lives for 15 years.

this is getting far too long and rambley as i don't know how to rein in my yapping when responding to asks but. i promise you're fine. discussing their relationship isn't "drama" or some forbidden thing, it happens on here a lot actually. except you will find most people on here use critical thinking and what dan and phil knowingly share with us, as adults with brains, to draw conclusions about their relationship based on everything from the way they look at each other to the little ways they tell us they care about and love each other bc they do. and that's not something they shy from now. come join us! don't let people tell you you're wrong for thinking they're partners bc in the nicest way possible, they literally are (if you want to sugarcoat it and say life partners instead of romantic go ahead bc they've literally described themselves as companions through life which is a more poetic way of saying partners imo) and respectfully anyone who thinks otherwise is in denial at this point

[deoidesign]

Hello! I just discovered your blog and I immediately became captivated by your webcomic, but I'm unsure where to read all of it. I know it's on Webtoons, but I can see it hasn't been updated for a while, and you still post about it.

Are your physical novels just prints of the webcomic? Are they a continuation? Is the story complete? Thanks in advance!

Hi there!

Glad you found me and are enjoying my comic!

It's only on webtoons, and the story is not complete yet! We're 2/3 of the way through right now. It's currently on hiatus, and it's scheduled to come back in about 2 months!

I'll explain why it's been so long if you're curious, but also for my followers who might also be wondering about it under the cut. Sorry, it's pretty much just me complaining haha

I took a month off I took 2 months to get the books printed I took a month to prepare my next comic and I took 2 months to write the rest of the series (I knew the character arcs I wanted, but not the time periods or mysteries!!!) I've been working on actual episodes since then

I had to take some time off because of some pretty extreme burnout due to the sheer amount of work it was to draw over 800 pages and write 6 complete stories in a year and a half... I was getting sick almost weekly due to the overwork, it was really really bad honestly. I was having to work 60+ hours every week just to keep up...

The nature of the comic itself is also difficult... Each of the arcs is a complete, self contained story which can be read (ideally) without context, and my arcs need to be about 10-13 episodes each... And since I have an exact number of episodes to work with, it's even harder.

It takes a ton of planning and a ton of refinement, and working week to week with no breaks I was forced to put out second or even first drafts, so I just wasn't happy with the work I was doing... And to do that for the rest of the series? I wouldn't be proud of the work I did.

Plus... To be entirely honest, webtoon has treated me quite badly IN MY OPINION... They deprioritized me before I launched (I had to beg for more promotion, I'm not exaggerating), they outright denied me the opportunity to even ask for a raise, I don't make any money on fast pass and they pay me less than my partner makes working at trader joes. My first editor left me completely hanging, my second editor (who I loved) was fired... And they told me I wouldn't get a third season before my first season even finished. So it was just repeatedly completely demoralizing.

I'm sorry it has taken so long, it'll have been 10 months by the time I come back. But I realized... I won't get promotion either way. I won't get more episodes either way. I won't get more money either way. So to finish everything, to make it feel good, to make it something I'm proud of, I chose to take longer to make it better.

I am fully aware I will lose a significant amount of my readership for this and it might genuinely affect my career moving forward. But it's what I had to do! So I'm sticking to my guns on it, and I'm confident long term it'll be worth it. It never could have been this good if I didn't take this much time.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook: Backstage (Closer)

In which you're starting to wonder what Jungkooks intentions might be- and what yours could possibly turn into.

Tags/Warnings: Black Leopard Hybrid!Jungkook, Rockstar!Jungkook, Rusty Spotted Cat Hybrid!Reader, minor angst, major fluff, strangers to lovers, did I mention fluff, reader gets injured but only a bit, fainting, big cat kook, Dom!Kook, future smut

Additional Chapter Warnings: gym kook, sweaty kook, it's getting spicier

Length: mid

Additional Content: Intro, Cuddles

•●━━━━━━━━━━••♡••━━━━━━━━━━●•

Ever since meeting him in his Hotel, and finding out that back in Seoul, you both don't live that far apart, he's been craving your presence at all times it seems. He's eager to have you around, happier- so much so that even his bandmates notice a significant change in his attitude. While he used to be gloomy and rather upset about the upcoming hiatus the band had been planning, since Namjoons mate was close to giving birth to their first child, nowadays he seems happy about it.

"Not gonna meet your girl tonight?" Taehyung asks teasingly, as his bandmate packs his bag. He'd earlier told everyone that he'd be going to the gym after this last meetup, and with the entire band well aware of his newfound infatuation with you, they can't help but tease the youngest.

"Oh, she's gonna be there." Jungkook grins boyishly to himself as he zips up his bag. "We're gonna watch a movie at my place tonight, you know, see where things go." He shrugs, moving to get his jacket.

"Got one you've got to work for, huh?" Jimin jokes, and only now does Jungkook seem to realize how his words must've come across.

"I, no." He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. "I actually don't aim for that, really. She's cool to have around, you know? Cute, but easy, if that makes sense. She's real." He explains, getting a pat on the back from his bandleader Namjoon.

"Sounds like she fits you." He says. "Make sure to treat her right." He advises, and Jungkook nods eagerly, before walking off to his gym appointment.

He's in the middle of his warmup when you show up- your scent immediately hitting him as you walk through the door, quietly greeting his coach and then him as to not interrupt anything, rather opting to sit down on the sidelines where you assume his things where placed. "Look at you, taking things seriously all of a sudden." His coach teases, making the black leopard hybrid roll his eyes as he punches a bit harder.

You can't deny that seeing him work out like that has it's appeal.

You've always craved the presence of someone who's able to provide not only mental safety and comfort, but physical as well. Until now, you've always handled your life on your own- with no parents growing up, and no other support than your own in your life, you've started to really feel like you might never find a person you could trust in enough to make you feel like you don't have to worry about anything. But with Jungkook proudly displaying his strength like this, he more and more seems to become just that person you've been looking for-

Or maybe he always has been just that, and you've simply not found him yet.

You occasionally occupy yourself with your phone to check e-mails or look at messages, but still, time seems to pass by quickly as you watch him train. When he slides towards you on his knees, he ends up way closer than you've anticipated- noses almost touching, but he only grins impishly, making you slightly disappointed that he didn't lean in to kiss you in that moment.

All in due time, you tell yourself.

Instead, he gives you a bit more space, as he breathes heavily, grabbing his water bottle that's been standing right next to you. "You know what movie we wanna watch yet?" He asks between sips of water, and you shrug.

"We could watch Doctor strange? I've rented it a few days ago but I never watched it yet, and the time to watch is running out this weekend, so.." You say, and he nods, closing his almost empty bottle before putting it back.

"Sounds good to me!" He chirps, pushing back his hair. It's by now wildly curled from his sweat, and for some reason, you don't mind it one bit. "I'll go shower real quick and then we can get going, alright?" He asks, and you nod. It's then that he notices the size of your bag- and he can't help but ask, as to not get his hopes up for nothing. "You staying over?" He wonders, and you nod.

"I- thought? I mean, I can go home tonight as well if it's better.." You say, but he immediately jumps in.

"No no no that's cool, totally cool, I'd love for you to stay over!" He hurries out, before he realizes how that might've sounded. "Not for anything, you know, except if you'd like to? I mean that's alright with me too, but we totally don't have to!" He rambles, noticing how you seem both amused and a little bashful at his words. "You know what? I'm gonna go take a shower now, before I dig myself deeper." He says, making you laugh as he runs off to do just what he'd said.

You don't know why exactly; you've never been very interested in being sexual with any partner- but for some reason, you wouldn't even mind him becoming a bit bolder with you. And it's not (just) because he's visually attractive. It's most of all the fact that he doesn't push it whatsoever, rather always making sure that you're comfortable and okay with everything he does.

So later, in the car, you can't help but wonder-

How much can you tease him, until his patience runs out?

[gimmethosedaddymilkers]

The Secrets One Keeps

Alrighty, This is a request I was sent by an anon! Asking for a reader who's Hosea's daughter but dating Arthur, they have to keep their relationship a secret, especially from Hosea. Afraid for the poor man's heart.

Keep in mind this is my first work since coming back from hiatus, I'm a little rusty, so it might not be as great as it could be, be patient with me as I try to get back into the Rythm of things please! There's some NSFW themes but it's not full on smut, not for my first one back, but never fear, that will make a return.

Warnings: Fluff, language, maybe some NSFW themes Reader is a bit younger than Arthur is. (Don't worry Im not a freak, reader is gonna be over 18 by like at LEAST six years) Female reader, if there's slip ups, please let me know so I can correct them!

Let's jump into it!

You swear to God you just saw him, You just did, you watched him come out this way and you watched him give you that...look.

He wanted you to follow him, you could SEE it.

So where the hell was he?

"Arthur?"

You call out, but you keep your voice low. It's late, and camp isn't too far, you don't want anyone to hear you...you know what the two of you agreed on, and it was better if no one knew about the two of you. Especially your father. Hosea would NOT take kindly to Arthur dating his 24 year old daughter.

Not only that but to Hosea...Arthur was like a son...he saw the two of you as though you were siblings.

You definitely did NOT feel that way.

"Arthur, I swear to whatever God you pray to you better fuckin' come out-"

"Aw now, c'mon Darlin' that ain't very nice of you to speak like that."

You practically hear the smirk on his face as you feel an arm wrap around your waist and a chin on your shoulder.

"'Sides, you know I ain't a religious man."

"Arthur Morgan, how many times do I have to tell you not to scare me-"

"Awww you love it."

"No I don't!"

"Bullshit you don't last time I did you laughed and tried to take my pants off-"

"Shut up."

You twist to face him and sure enough he's wearing that smirk of his.

"You like it."

"Alright! Fine."

He laughs and leans in, placing his lips gently against yours, softly, sweetly, so different from what he showed everyone else.

"Been wantin' to do that all damn day. I hate this sneakin' around crap," He scoffs. "Fuckin' stupid, we're both adults."

"Aw come on, it's not so bad Arthur...The sneaking around is kinda fun..."

"I guess so...I don't know, I'm gettin' real tired of not bein' able to kiss you goodbye, or havin' to hide behind the wagons just to tell ya I love ya. I shouldn't have to hide it like I'm embarrassed."

"I know..."

You give a sigh and lean into him.

"It sucks, I know it does, I know. The sneaking is fun, but...I know what you mean. We should be sharing a tent by now, instead of trying not to be caught."

He gives you a grunt in response, placing his chin on your head.

"How can we be sure that Hosea wouldn't approve of us?"

His voice comes out a little strained. Acting as though he didn't already know the answer.

"C'mon Arthur..."

You sigh again and move so you can look him in the eye properly.

"You know he won't. Hell, he sees us slightly too close to one another and he loses his mind, he stares you down. You know it, you see it."

"I know..."

He grumbles.

"I need to spend more time with you though Darlin' I do. I NEED to."

He pauses for a moment

"We have to at least take a trip together soon, I mean...either that or we just gotta stop carin' about what Hosea thinks. Don't get me wrong I love 'em, I do, but I love you more."

"I love you too..."

The two of you are silent for a few moments, comfortably leaning against one another in the darkened part of the woods, it's late, both of you know that, and both of you know that you should probably be getting to sleep.

But it's been a long day. A long week even, the two of you haven't had nearly as much time together as you would have liked.

"You think maybe I could sneak you into my tent?"

Arthur's voice breaks the silence, quietly, barely there.

"Jus' tonight, please?"

"Arthur, you know dad'll see us."

"No, look I can leave tomorrow before you, leave the flaps down, no one'll go in there, then you just gotta go out towards the side instead of the front, go around the back of the wagon."

You chuckle a little at his enthusiasm, he never fails to make you smile. He's so obviously, deeply in love with you that it's hard to say no to him.

"Alright....alright, okay, we'll try. He should be asleep by now, it's just the others we have to worry about."

"They ain't gonna say anythin'."

You look at him and give a confused look, though your smile never wavers.

"How do you know?"

"They won't cause if they do, it's me they have to deal with, not Hosea."

His voice lowers slightly, and you watch as that look comes over his eyes. You've seen it before, you know what it means.

"Jesus Arthur, would you quit that, you..."

Your face heats quickly and you look away from him. Of course he was attempting to be threatening, but to you, it just seemed...attractive more so than threatening.

He knew that.

"Why Sweetheart...somethin' gettin' into that head of yours?"

"Shut it, you know what it does-"

"Absolutely I do, why you think I'm doin' it?"

He laughs but leans in and kisses your temple before starts to lead you back towards camp.

"C'mon, let's sneak you in."

He ushers you forwards, and the two of you stop at the edge of camp to see who's up, but luckily it seems that mostly everyone is sleeping.

He then leads you around the edge of Clemmons Point until the both of you get to his tent, the moment the both of you are in he closes the flaps up and gives the two of you some privacy. It seemed like the two of you had gotten away with it. Or at least no one had called out to you.

In the dim light of his lantern the two of you share a smile and there's a look in his eyes that you know means you'll be playing the quiet game tonight.

.....

Morning seems to come faster than you would have liked it to, the time spent with Arthur never seemed to be enough, so when you wake up in the early morning you decide to just burrow further into his bare chest.

It earns a quiet grumble from him as he pulls you closer to him, he's awake, you can tell he is, but he stays silent. The only way you know he's awake is the fact that his hand can't stay away from your ass.

"Didn't you have enough last night?"

You mumble but there's a smile on your face as you adjust, throwing a leg over his hip.

"Ain't never 'nough with you."

It comes out as a grumble and he moves to your thigh, gripping it tightly as he pulls it even further over his hip.

He buries his head in your neck and kisses there. As much as he seems to try and rile you up the kiss is soft, more sweet than anything.

"C'mon Darlin'...this could be every mornin'..."

He yawns and shifts himself, trying to wake up a little more.

"We gotta tell him at some point anyhow..."

"I know..."

You huff and move your hand to his hair, gently massaging his scalp, it's nearly instinct.

"I just...I don't know what he'll think, what he'll do...."

"C'mon, it's me. I know it probably ain't what he wants but...He loves me, he knows me...you could be screwin' Bill behind doors."

He stops a moment.

"Shut up Arthur, it is not-"

"I dunno about that, seems kinda dumb to me."

You roll your eyes and laugh before you kiss the top of his head. You're about to open your mouth to try and come up with an idea on what to tell your father when the tent flap opens.

You and Arthur move simultaneously to look and see who's standing there only to have your eyes go wide.

You're leaning backwards, your head turned over your shoulder to look, and you suddenly wish that you could disappear.

Hosea stands at the opening of the tent, his mouth open as though he'd gone to say something and then he'd noticed.

"Hosea, I can explain-"

Arthur starts, he moves, and gently puts his hand on your back to push you towards the wall so that you can stay covered.

"I don't want to hear it!"

Hosea puts his hand out, as though he's trying to block it all from view.

"Get dressed! Both of you!"

He leaves, dropping the tent flap and leaving the two of you alone.

"Shit..."

"Shit's fuckin' right..."

Arthur sighs and plops back down on the cot, covering his eyes with one hand.

The two of you take a moment, sitting in silence. wondering what the hell you'd say.

This silence continues as the two of you go to dress, once the two of you are done Arthur reaches for your hand, taking it quietly as both of you leave the tent.

Hosea stands right outside, and the both of you give one another a look of shame.

"What the HELL do you think you're doing!?"

Hosea nearly yells, it's such a difference from his usual calm demeanor, you've rarely seen your father so mad.

"Hosea, c'mon..."

Arthur mumbles.

"Can't we talk about this outside of camp?"

Hosea takes a deep breath and then nods, and the three of you begin your trudge towards the edge of camp. It's there that Hosea stands with his arms crossed waiting.

"Explain yourselves."

"Hosea-"

"No, Y/N, you first."

"Dad..."

You swallow and look to Arthur and then to Hosea.

"I love him. I mean that. I love him, and I have for a very long time, and he loves me. I know he does. It's not just...it's not just a one time thing, it means something-"

"How long."

"About a year."

A silence falls over the three of you. Hosea's face seems unreadable.

His eyes close and he gives a deep breath, exhaling heavily.

"Arthur."

Hosea opens his eyes and looks towards him, his jaw clenched.

"If anything happens to them, emotional or otherwise, I'm going to hold you accountable, and you WILL NOT like me. You understand me?"

"I do Hosea, you know me. I'm not gonna let anything happen to them. Never."

Hosea doesn't seem exactly...pleased with this answer, but he seems to accpet it.

"Don't EVER let me catch you two like that again."

"You didn't knock-"

"Shut up Arthur."

Arthur clamps his jaw shut and swallows, but there's a look a defiance in his eyes.

Hosea looks at the two of you for a moment longer and then walks away without another word.

The two of you, now alone, look at each other and give a relieved sigh.

"I guess...I mean he knows now at least."

"I have a feeling he's gonna make your life a living hell for a while Arthur-"

"Yeah..."

He breathes.

"More than likely."

[papermint-airplane]

I'm really not doing well guys. Tl;dr my life sucks a lot. That's all you need to know.

My job is still jerking us around on the layoffs. They started in October of last year with "we're selling the department and laying everyone off in February" then when March rolled around and nothing had happened yet, told everyone "lol just kidding the buyer dropped out". So a lot of people quit because this clown company just told everyone it was willing to sell their jobs out from under them and didn't give a shit who was affected or how.

My job is not a job that can function when short staffed. It was already short staffed before they pulled this fakeout layoff shit and now we're lucky to have two people scheduled at any given time. They're paying thousands in overtime, begging people to come in even for a couple of hours on their days off because we don't have enough people to cover one shift, let alone the three they need because the department is 24/7. Customers are rude and entitled. I've been threatened, I've been called horrible names, I've been told I'm a shit human being and don't deserve to live. I'm not allowed to hang up on them. I'm expected to sit there and just take it and not say anything. Most days, we're so busy that I can't take my daily fifteen minute break or even get up to go to the bathroom. And that's only scratching the surface of what goes on at my job.

I have had a history of overworking myself in that job and everyone knows it. I've had literally hundreds of public panic attacks, three full-on mental breakdowns where I was screaming and literally tearing handfuls of my hair out in front of my coworkers from stress, ended up in the hospital twice because I thought I was having a heart attack, and took off three months in 2020 to check myself into an inpatient mental healthcare facility all the way across the country. I have had countless meetings with my supervisors and their supervisors and HR about the toxic work environment and shitty management. I had to beg them to take me off my 8 day rotation (four days of ten hour shifts, four days of eight hour shifts, all in succession with no days off in between) because I started shaking and laughing uncontrollably around day 6 because I was having a literal fucking breakdown. I have literally had to be taken away from work in an ambulance before.

On top of my anxiety being the worst it's ever been (and that includes when I lived with my abusive father), my depression has gotten so bad that all I can do nowadays is work and sleep. Sometimes I don't even get fully in the house before I pass out because I'm so exhausted. I have woken up on my living room floor after work more than once. I told them that I could no longer work shifts like that nor could I take overtime for my own mental health. And they still act like I'm lazy because I don't work 14 hour shifts daily. Bitch, I'm barely holding it together with my weekly 40 hours, and I'm expected to work every Thanksgiving and Christmas but that's just not enough. Nothing I do is enough. And now I don't even have enough energy for the few things I have that I still enjoy. Want to know why my Sims story is on hiatus? Because I have to force myself to do literally anything other than sleep. My house looks like a disgusting hoarder's nest because I can barely move on my days off. I cry all the time. I can't stand to be touched. I shower excessively because I feel filthy when I come home from work in a way I can't adequately articulate. My eczema is so bad that my neck and face are literally covered in bloody red rashes. I look horrible. I feel worse. I have gained over 150 lbs since starting that job in 2006. My thyroid is busted. Some days, I truly believe that I died long ago and this is my own personal Hell.

Now they're telling us that "we definitely have a buyer for the department and all the contracts have been signed". They said there'd be a transition period, after which we'd be laid off but we'd be told when the transition period begins. Now, we got an email telling us we're halfway through the transition period and are probably getting laid off in August "but we don't know when in August, so stay tuned." At this rate, I'm likely to show up one day and be told to go home. I have no idea when that will be and I have no way to know how to prepare.

The only reason I'm still putting up with this bullshit is because...well, to be honest, I've put in a lot of applications and got absolutely no replies. I'm an unemployable useless sack of shit. My company is at least giving us a really good severance package. I'm getting 17 weeks of pay (one week for every year I've worked there) plus another four weeks of pay, plus a $1000 bonus for staying through the transition period. I think I will also qualify for unemployment. I'm trying not to freak out but I don't know what I'm going to do when my severance runs out. I have only had two jobs in my entire life: a grocery store job when I was a teenager for 3 years and this job that I've had for nearly 18 years. My resumé is one page. I have no skills outside of this job. I'm never going to get hired anywhere that's going to pay me anywhere near what this hellhole of a job paid me.

I truly wish I were brave enough to kill myself but I'm not. I keep living and it keeps getting worse and I'm bombarded with hundreds of news articles and Tumblr posts every day telling me how the world is falling apart around me, so even if by some miracle I manage to find a job that pays me enough to fucking live, I don't have a future anyway. I'm almost 40 and I keep waiting for my life to begin but it never does. And it never will. I will never be happy. I will never be safe. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve safety. My own fucking parents hated me from the moment my mom read the lines on her pregnancy test. If my own parents can't love me, nobody can. I'm on medication and in therapy but sometimes, I wonder if it's doing anything at all. You can't fix what's wrong with me. I was just born wrong. And no matter where I go or what kind of job I end up in, the same shit will just keep repeating over and over and over because that's all I deserve. I'll just keep on hurting until global warming or war takes me out and I end up in real Hell.

In an hour, I'm going to regret writing any of this and probably delete this post. Because I'm supposed to take it and not say anything.

My Sims are the only thing that gives me any comfort anymore. Even then, I don't have the energy or attention span to do the things I want. I'm just as irrelevant on Simblr as I am in real life. If I disappeared tomorrow, nobody would notice.

[skyfallslayer]

The Daughter of The (Dare)Devil || Hiatus Recap

Please read my apology here if you haven't. It explain why I've been gone so long. And since it has been several months, I've decided to write a little recap. Feel free to read it before you move on to the new story, or not.

|| SEASON 1 ||

Set pre-canon by a several months, is story 1: 'Welcome Home The Blood and Bruises'. This story shows how Matt ends up screwing his "foolproof" plan of never-ever telling his daughter that he's a vigilante. The beginning scene shows Matt a little banged up while his daughter, Kaila (age 14), takes care of him. This causes a flashback to a year earlier where his plan falls apart. Matt arrives home in a bad state, causing him to faint and for his daughter to find her, thus revealing his secret. Eventually, realizing that's there's no way to stop this man, Kaila just accepts it and agrees to help patch him up.

Story 2: 'I'd Burn The World For You'. For some reason this is still one of my favorites that I've written despite the angst that I throw here and there. In this one, the story's set after DD Episode one, where Matt and his best friend, Foggy had just hired an assistant that so happen to be their first client, Karen. Now, remember, Kai's a bit skeptic in the beginning and Foggy's just hungry (lol). Meanwhile, being the curious person she was, Karen starts asking Matt about his past, like 'We're you married?' or 'Did you have a girlfriend?'. Which Matt encourages, and replies with the story of how his daughter came into his custody. Flashback to fourteen years ago, the best friends have graduated college and have passed their Bar exam. Matt's in his new apartment and telling Foggy about how his fling, Aka: Kai's Mother, who's name is Mary (Remember that people), is trying to contact him via phone call but he's ignoring. Foggy eventually slips out to get them lunch, and before you know it, Mary drops baby Kai off in front of the door. Matt manages to call and get Foggy to come back, dumbfounding his best friend which soon insist 'It's just a prank, bro'. Nerves are shooting through the roof as they get to the hospital to get a DNA test to find out of Matt's really this baby's father. Well... surprise, surprise, he is. Foggy, being the best damn friend is his, is discussing some options with the nurses since Matt's in his own head, and is soon pulled out of it when one of the nurses hands over baby Kai to him. Matt immediately becomes a girl dad, falling in love and swearing to the beyond that he'll love and protect this child for as long as he lives. Foggy's secretly happy when he hears Matt wants to keep her, and the flashback ends when him giving her the name: Kaila Jackie Murdock (Got to give his old man some love, am I right?). The story finishes with Karen almost in tears, but Matt reassures her that everything's okay. Especially now that he has the family he secretly always wanted.

Story 3: 'Crossing The Line'. Another personal fav of mine. So this is set in episode seven "Stick". A man named Wilson Fisk has entered the ring, and Matt has earned the nickname 'The Devil of Hell's Kitchen' - Foggy insist that this vigilante is up to no good, while Karen is the opposite - The story splits between Matt and his Mentor, Karen getting herself into trouble, and some Uncle/Niece bonding time.

1. Foggy owes Kaila another showing for the Hunger Games as they both ditch their plans to go find Karen. - They end of finding her, and she takes them to the person she was meeting up with. - Karen reveals that she's been working with Ben Urich to uncover the Union Allied Scandal. 2. Matt soon finds himself meeting Stick again, his asshole mentor who up and left him 20+ years ago. - They end up back in his apartment, where Stick is slowly figuring out that Matt's got someone living with him before asking for his help. The Blind lawyer agrees, which he regrets later on. - A Time skip later, Stick figures out about Kai and insults Matt which causes a massive fight. Matt ends up winning and threatens Stick to never come near his daughter, which ends in laughter and Matt being frustrated that his tainted past is starting to touch his kid.

Story 4: 'I've Got The Devil Inside Me'. Let's add more angst to the plate. The next morning Matt discovers that his partners are investigating Union Allied, much to his dismay, but he agree to help as long as they're "cautious" (Yeah, some big talk from a blind man who fights crime at night). This eventually leads to Matt and his daughter talking after she arrives to the apartment being destroyed, and encourages him to talk to her if something's up. The next day at school, Kaila witnesses Fisk's big speech on TV on how he's declared war on 'The Masked Man'. - This leads to Ben, and the gang trying to figure out what they can dig up to bring Fisk down (And it's certainly not a pretty road) - This also leads to the reveal that Fisk is doing business with a slumlord that's raising a client of theirs rent (Aka: Ms. Cardenas). Out of options, Matt decides to try to get inside the head of the woman Fisk loves the most, Vanessa. Kaila tags along as they try feeling her out at the art gallery she works out. However, Luck's not on their side when the Man of the hour himself arrives, planting himself inside the Murdocks' heads. When Kaila arrives home the next day from school, she finds her father staring at his suit, then engulfs her into a much needed hug. She encourages him to open up again, and he reveals that Ms. Cardenas was killed, and he was filling up with rage to the point he wants to kill the Kingpin. Eventually, she pulls him from those thoughts, and they parted ways as he heads out for the night. This story ends with Matt coming home in the worst state she's possibly seen him in, and just before she can figure out what to do, her Uncle arrives and discovers the family's dirty secret.

Story 5: 'The One Where The Uncle Finds Out'. One of my favorite, but most painful episode to watch. It opens up with Foggy's POV as he stumbles in all buzzed, and demanding they make Fisk pay for what he's done to their client. He gets more than what he bargain for, and it's a race through time for him and his Niece to get Matt stable. They eventually contact Claire who cleans him up. As soon as Matt's up, Foggy can't hold back and demands for answers. The argument starts, and in between that, Foggy makes a decision to lie to Karen that Matt's sick and he can handle it alone. Foggy also learns during their heated moment that his best friend can hear heartbeats, which shatters all the trust he has, and even questions if their friendship was even real. Eventually, while Kai tries to do her homework in the living room, they exploded at each other again. Foggy finally has the guts to ask Matt why he started all this, and his hesitant to spill while his daughter's in the room. Foggy pushes back, saying she has more rights than him to know what's going on, so... she stays as he spills the truth (Which it's more detailed than he initially told Kai). Foggy stares in disbelief when Matt reveals he doesn't want to stop crime fighting, no matter how hard it gets. Foggy tries to pull the "friendship card", which has no affect since this city "needs" the mask vigilante. This results in Foggy telling him to do whatever he wants, and if he gets killed in the process, he'll take Kaila under his wing -- but to remember that he's not her father, and that he'll feel guilty pretending to be. Foggy storms out of the apartment while saying "He would have told Matt he had a crime fighting life". The next few days were interesting - Karen came to visit him after his "car accident" - Claire ended any romance between them - Father Lantom told him that Devil inside him was an angel once, and applies towards him - It was all enough for him to realize he needs to stay alive for the ones he love. He wasn't expecting when he got home for his daughter to still be pissed at him, and leave to spend the night at Karen's for some space. The story ends with the young girl getting taken by Wesley.

Story 6: 'No Good Deed...' Goes unpunished they say. This story shows how much Kaila is like her Dad in a lot of ways. It opens up with Matt calling Karen, wondering if she made to her place since she hadn't texted him. Wesley is revealed to the one to kidnap her, and that she wasn't the originally target, but he was going to make do. He reveals that he's bitter that Karen is like a dog with a bone, and won't let what happen at Union Allied stop her from uncovering the truth. Amused, Kaila taunts, which is cut off quickly when he lays his gun onto the table. He rants on about Karen finding Fisk's mother, which is evidence she can use to bring him down on trial. Kaila then asks why he just doesn't kill her already, which he reveals would be troublesome if he did since she's a daughter of a well respect lawyer, and has ties to a police officer not under Fisk's thumb (Brett). He instead tells her she's offering her a job, a job where she'll convince everyone she knows that Fisk is not the "bad guy". Kaila bites back saying she would never, which Wesley threatens her that he'll kill her family before finishing her. But... something snaps inside her, and as Wesley went to answer his phone, she grabs a hold of the gun, aiming it at him. His poker face is incredible, and tries to play it off that it's unloaded, but she threatens him to stay away and let her leave. She doesn't get far before he tackles her, and proceeds to strangle her. They wrestle around, and fight for the gun which eventually goes off. To her horror she realizes she shot him point blank in the heart. His phone starts ringing again, and Kaila's on the verge of a nervous breakdown as she grabs her belongings and runs away. Kaila shocks Karen when she arrives at her apartment, and spews out what Wesley knew and wanted before revealing that she had killed him by accident. Karen, who seems way too calm for this, tells her she'll take care of it - she disposes the gun in the Hudson and calls Matt that everything's "okay". Karen patches the young girl up, and reveals her trouble past to the girl. They promise each other to keep this a secret from anyone, and Karen promises Kai that she'll be by her side whenever she needs it. The story ends with a guilt filled Kaila meeting a strange boy at a coffee shop, and Foggy rushing in that they found a way to stop Fisk once and for all.

Short Story 1: 'The New Suit'. Season One wraps up with Ben's Funeral, and the troublesome trio allowing Kaila to dip her toes into the dangerous waters that'll bring down Fisk. Eventually, the masked man gets a confession from Detective Hoffman that manages to get the Kingpin behind bars... or so they thought. Their celebration was cut short when Fisk escapes custody, and Matt rushes out to stop him. The story finishes with the lawyer coming home with a victory under his belt... and a new suit (One that Kaila approves). Matt promises he'll be a better father, and Kaila promises she'll open up more. *Foreshadowing Indeed On Both Counts*

|| SEASON 2 ||

I swear with each season there's always more and more angst.

Story 7: 'The Point of No Return (Murdock v Murdock)', Part one of the mini series. - Opens up with months passing after the Lawyers' victory of putting Fisk away. Kai has a job now, a new friend name Jayden, but is unfortunately showing signs of PTSD from the whole killing Wesley situation. Meanwhile, Nelson & Murdock is booming! But the euphoria they all feel ends soon when they're stuck with a strange client, Grotto, who soon gets attacked by the soon be dubbed 'Punisher'. Flash the next morning, Foggy's on his way to the hospital to meet Karen and Grotto, only to run into his niece who's looking for her dad. They soon put two-and-two together, and race across the rooftops to find Matt. They eventually find him disoriented from the gun shot he took to the head. - Later, he wakes up to Foggy scolding him and warning him not to orphan his kid before heading off. Short time after that, Matt goes temporarily deaf, scaring Kai but not really fazing him since he's still in "shape" to be DD tonight. Karen comes by telling them about Grotto and him being "bait" to lure out a big mob boss for the DA. Kaila and her eventually talk, the teenager's guilt about Wesley coming through while her father slips out to fix his suit. - Faking an emergency, Kai gets Matt to come home and this leads to an argument. Heated words are exchanged, and Matt ends up telling her that he wouldn't have to worry about his injures 'if she wasn't here'. Instant regret happens, but nothing more can be said except Kai's FU that ends the story.

Story 8: 'The Darkest Time With Our Thoughts (Murdock v The World)'; Part two of the mini series. Starts off with the house divided, Kai's angry and Matt's depressed (As they both should be). Nelson & Murdock (& Page) are about to head off with DA to watch their client be bait to a mob boss, but due to Matt's mind being elsewhere, Foggy urges him to go home and try to make it up with his kid (Spoiler: He puts the damn costume on instead). - Meanwhile. Kai wants to be left alone, yet life throws her a curveball when a clearly unwell man shows up at her door, asking for her father and Foggy. She soon finds herself fighting for her life, almost getting the upper hand before being taken away (Foggy ends up getting that dreadful call from Brett). Matt suddenly wakes up chained to the rooftop, face-to-face with the Punisher. Matt tries playing detective while Frank basically tells him to STFU. There's a brief heated exchange between them, then Frank gets ready to finish his mission, and was even nice enough to let Matt listen to the voicemails he has before he decides to finish him off. Matt tries to drown them out by moving the chains around to hid his secret ID, but that all changes when the last frantic message from Foggy reveals that someone took his daughter and he needs to get to the police station. The Murdock begs Frank to let him go, and he does. - The story ends with Matt falling apart.

Story 9: 'I'm Trembling, But I'll Protect You (Love v Death)'; Last part of the mini series. The story opens with Kaila having a very interesting dream (I highly suggest you guys at least read that part again, there's a lot of foreshadowing for future stories). She wakes up and is met with her capturer who tells her that he's the brother of Nelson & Murdock's first client, who they apparently failed (Remember this later, also). Meanwhile, the trio is racing through all the paperwork they have to find out who this client is. They three of them have a nice heartfelt talk that ends up striking an idea in Matt. Matt ends up figuring out their first 'official' client was 'John Healy', the man hired by Fisk to kill. Before anything could be done, Matt gets a call from Frank telling him to meet up; He does, surprised to find out that Frank knows where Kai is. This also leads to an early ID reveal with Karen. Matt has a standoff with the kidnapper, negotiating back and forth to by Frank some time to take the shot. Kai is rescued, and the Murdocks shared heartfelt speeches and hugs while Frank disappears into the mist. - Kai's taken to the hospital by Brett (Who unknowingly knows DD's ID) and treated for her leg injury. The story ends with Kai accepting why her father does this job and is happy to be home.

Story 10: 'A Glimmer Amongst The Sinners'. The story opens up with a flashback to 15 years ago, where a young Matt is trying to figure out how to be a father to a baby he can't see (while also trying to find her mother, Mary, for answers). He feels like he's falling off the deep end, but lucky Foggy is there by his side, helping him along the way, which he's forever grateful for. Flash forward to Matt listening to his daughter sleep, happy that she's home. Now, at lot of things happen - Kaila eggs her dad to ask Karen out; Karen digs around about Frank's Past; Frank gets abducted and Matt must find him; Foggy, Kai & Karen head to the Castle house for clues; Then Frank & Matt escape and have a heartfelt moment, leading up to Frank being arrested by Brett who gets a promotion by bringing him in. Oh... the story should end right here, right? Nope! More plot lines! We finally get a Karedevil kiss, which makes Matt get on cloud 9 until his old flame shows up in his apartment. Elektra tries to get Matt to be her lawyer to get her father's money back, which he strongly declines. She then tries pushing back before accidently meeting Kaila. Elektra acts all hurt and broken up when Matt throws her out. The next day goes smoothly in the office, Matt & Karen go on a date, while Foggy tries helping his niece with her friend Jayden who seems to be avoiding her since the kidnapping. Matt has a brief interaction with Elektra again on the phone during his date, he tells her to F off, and him and Karen head back to her place for some romance. The story finishes with Kai coming home to find Jayden ready to talk.

And that wraps this up! I'm finishing the next story as we speak. I'm aiming to release it either by the end of next week or the following. So sorry again this took so long, and thanks for sticking around! ❤️

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[namjoonscoffeeshop]

Move-In Day | Drabble

A part of DEEP series

✧ Pairing: Yoongi x reader

✧ Word Count: 2.1k

✧ Song: "From the start" by laufey

✧ Flower: Gladiolus are a romantic flower that symbolize secret love

a/n: First drabble for the duration of the hiatus of DEEP. don't be shy and if you want a scene your curious about please write a ask! I had thought of this a few weeks after writing the first couple chapters but never had a chance to include it. It then was lost in my notes until now. I know I said friday, but here is a chapter early! I added the song I was listening to as I wrote the chapter, not saying to listen to it as you read but....why not?

index | askme!

Taking out the last basket from the trunk of my car, I shut the door. It was nice weather today, there was a subtle wind that helped cope with the heat. Looking up at the apartment complex I couldn't help but feel an excitement and nervousness to what was to come soon. 

running up the stairs I enter the building, the walls were brown as if they were of wood.  paintings which yoongi and me already walked around examining to see if they were real. 

He says they aren't, I tease him and say that he wouldn't know but you can definitely tell that it's a print out. there are multiple small antique looking tables with a vase of flowers in each floor. the tenants has told us that each floor has a different flower. Of course I had to go to each floor and they weren't wrong, our floor has vases full of Gladiolus. Their beautiful delicate red petals and their alluring scent made it all the more better. 

turning the corner I come in view of the elevator "hurry up" yoongi says loudly. smiling I run down the hall into the elevator "are you that excited" he says raising a brow, not able to contain the smile creeping on his lips as he stares down at you. "yes! aren't you? you always said you wanted to leave home"

licking his lips he takes the basket from you, placing it on the box beside his feet "yeah you're right" the doors to the elevator close and he eyes the number panel. you're eyes turn to the panel and you giggle "you waited for I could do it" you tease him, rolling his eyes he reaches over "forget it then" 

"no no i'll do it!" you hold his arm, the reason he waited was because on the panel each floors flower was next to the number. pressing on your floor you hold his hand "we're going to have a lot of fun together" you give him a reassuring smile.  

when you had told your parents that you were moving and attending your dream school they were supportive. but there was a catch, they said it would only happen if yoongi went too. they had heard from his mother that he was thinking of attending as well. and since you had applied to schools close to home they had other options. 

you hated that you doubted yourself to the point of applying to safe schools near home. if you had trusted yourself and just applied to xxx university then it would've never been a problem. but there was a issue..yoongi's father wanted him to immediately start working at their family company. there was a huge argument and my parents were involved, yoongi then announced he got accepted to the same school as and said he was leaving. 

you asked him if he chose this cause your parents had put that condition in letting you move. his reply was simple. He said 'I just need to get away from home, and plus..i'm not ready to part ways from you'  at that moment your head said that you should be happy, butterflies erupt in your stomach but your heart ached at his words, part from you yet. The two of you having to go your separate ways is inevitable. 

The doors to the elevator opened and he carries both the box and basket while you rush down the hall to your door. The two of you having your own apartment but right next to each other was the most exciting thing to you. 

Your mom was inside helping you unpack the boxes "is that the end?" she sighs seeing another box being brought in "yes" you respond "Didn't you make her a donation box as well" yoongi says placing the box down "yes I did, she choose to keep everything" your mom glares at you "I had nothing I wanted to part with!" you defend yourself but they both stared at you in disbelief. 

yoongi leaves to his apartment where your dad was, helping him unpack. Thankfully you guys started early in the morning by 5pm everything was almost done. with the few boxes left of clothes and all but the living room furniture fully built...it was the only furniture your mom and you could handle to to do together. 

"don't worry I'll do the rest of her furniture later" yoongi and your dad place the boxes of pizza on the living room floor. scooting next to you he leans in and whispers "you'd think that maybe just maybe you would've built the table for us to eat" 

"oh shut up, if you want it that bad then you can go build it!" you glare at him which he can't help but mess with your hair as he pushes you slightly. the entire day you felt excited but now that your parents were getting ready to leave you felt uneasy and nauseous. your troubled face was no secret to your mother, pulling you into a tight hug she said words of encouragement to you, your dad talking to yoongi waiting for the chance to hug you too. 

"alright, take care. the two of you, watch over each other" your dad says as you both walk them to the elevator. 

you were sitting on your floor in the living room as you brush your hair after showering. yoongi went to his apartment to do the same. After 20 minutes or so you hear a knock on your front door. jumping on your feet you rush to the door opening, "did you even check to see who it was" he says walking in "why? I knew it'd be you!" you wrap your arms around his waist giggling "weren't you just sad" he unwraps your arms, turning. you hum "I had a moment, what's wrong with it" chuckling he hugs you. 

"yoongi"

"yeah?" 

"did you build your bed?" 

"it was the first thing I built" he laughs 

"thank god, can I sleep over?" he tilts his head, making a noise as if he was thinking. hitting his chest he laughs "yes, lets go then cause i'm tired" not bothering to get anything but your pillow you both walk next door. his apartment had most if not all the furniture done but the apartment was very much crowded with boxes "What were you guys doing? just unboxing?" you shake your head moving a box over so you could walk better "yeah, that way I will only worry about yours instead of having to do it all alone" pouting you stare in disbelief "alone? I'm going to help you!" shaking his head he lifts his palm "stop there, you know damn well why I don't want you to help" 

parting your lips to tell him his comment is insulting you couldn't help but stay silent when you remember how the last time you helped him in one furniture there were more left over nails then there should've been and then he built something wrong due to your horrible instructions reading. "fine" you cross your arms and walk away. entering his room. 

he follows after turning off the lights. his bed was made and the boxes opened had more pillows, grabbing one you jump on the bed and get under the covers. "tomorro-" covering your mouth with his palm he shakes his head " I am tired, I am not going anywhere tomorrow" rolling your eyes you can't help but stare at him as his eyes occasionally close as if to rest. 

your heart fluttered as his hand rested on your arms, his thumb brushing against your skin "sleep y/n" he mutters, you shut your eyes but after a while open them again to look at him. he sighs, eyes opening "can you not sleep?" he says. 

"don't worry, just sleep" you say turning around. you hear him sigh as the weight of his side shifts. you feel the warmth radiating from him against your body as he wraps his arms around your frame pressing your back against his chest. his legs intertwined with yours as he bury's his face in your long dark hair "sleep" he whispers. 

maybe it was the fact that the two of you had move far from home, and you don't know how long it's going to take to get used to living alone, even if he is next door. sleeping "alone" is maybe the most unnatural thing to you. 

"can we sleep together until i'm used to all this" he snorts, laughing into your neck "we can always sleep together we don't need reason..but if you do not shut up and go to sleep right now I will kick you out" you can't help but laugh 

"goodnight yoongi" he hums 

you wake up before him, his arm resting over you as his chest is pressed against your back. you manage to slip away without waking him up, the light entering from the windows made him scrunch his brows as he shifts in bed. you quickly look around grabbing a random folded box and propping it up against the window. I need to find the curtains , you mumble leaving the room as quiet as you could. 

even if he planned for the two of you to stay home and not go out, you felt as if you needed to help him unpack since he would be busy doing your furniture. four hours passed and it was 12 o'clock when he finally got out of bed. he followed the shuffling sounds, entering the separate room as you carefully set up his books on the shelf that he had built the day before. leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed he clears his throat to catch your attention but fails to notice you had headphones on. 

he doesn't move from place, watching you open another box and pulling out the books as you carefully set them on the shelfs. it wasn't until you got to your second box since he had entered that you turn, surprised you couldn't help but scream as you felt startled by him. he laughs at your wide eyes. "yoongi!" he apologizes, walking up to you he glances in the box you were emptying "it's your music books...I left you instruments alone..not wanting to break anything" he looks to his left seeing his piano leaning against the wall as he had left it and his two guitar cases on the ground "thanks" he says, opening his guitar case he points at the devices on the wall "do you know what that's for?" 

"a tv?" you say, you didn't know what it was for, should you mention you almost bust your head open with one as you stood up and failed to notice something was there. 

he places the guitar on the wall stands, standing back as he ensures its safe "ta-da" he says with a childlike smile on his face "I almost busted my head open with that" you purse your lips, the ends curved up. "what?" 

"I bend down to pick up a box and when I got up, almost hit my head" you laugh, now it was funny, but he wasn't laughing "should I remove them?" he mutters

"what? No! now i'll know...I was just careless" his face showed concern, sighing you take out more books from the box "I just won't come in here yeah? you always wanted to mount your guitars on the wall back home. don't take it down" 

"you can come in here...just be careful" he watches you nod, helping you place the rest of the books onto the shelfs. after joining you, it wasn't long before you both finished the room "I finished the living room and kitchen earlier all that's left is your room. do you want me to do it?" you ask, shaking his head he waves his hand as if dismissing the idea "I'll do that, why don't we get something to eat and then head to your place and start there" you both leave the apartment to get something. 

"i'll carry it, you just worry about opening the door" you open your purse and dig into it, searching for your keys "where are they" you mumble. 

sighing his eyes narrowed   "y/n please please pleasee tell me you didn't lose your keys again" you give him a sheepish smile "I think..I left them inside"   

"let's check my apartment" 

after a long search the two of you sit on the sofa defeated. "Sorry.." you mumble, his elbows propped on his knees as he rubbed his temple. you couldn't make a joke to lighten up the mood, feeling as if he was really mad at you. 

he looks up at you and chuckles "what am I going to do with you" 

and this is the story behind why yoongi has a copy of your key. 

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[sapphstuff]

Hewwo

Sorry bout the lil accidental hiatus, I got SUPER sick with a cold (It wasn't covid again thankfully) and felt miserable for lil over a week. I've also finally started on renovations on my bedroom, which required me to move out a lot of my stuff into the spare bedroom which took a few days. (I have way too much crap lmao) Earlier I had a mold issue, so we're taking down my ceiling and replacing everything so hopefully my health can improve lol. In some good news tho, I am feeling better and I have a new tablet!! (I've had it since Christmas since I got it as a gift, but procrastinated on setting it up since I knew I was gonna have to move my desk setup anyways lol :P) So with this hopefully my art process can be a lot more smooth/fast!! Expect some art here soon!! :3

[lovecolibri]

hi just wanted to say a big thank you for being positive and excited for s8 and the buddie of it all bc a lot of my dash has been doom and gloom since the trailer dropped 🫶🏻 i think you’re right! we might not get buddie in s8 but knowing the actors and writers are aware and support it is everything, i don’t think this is another supernatural situation (hopefully)

So sorry this is a couple days late! This is incredibly sweet, but also hilarious to me personally because I felt like I was being WAY less positive than everyone else about the season as a whole because I am a mustache hater to my CORE, and I thought the bees thing sounded like it could be dumb and just a distraction like the escaped zoo animals for season 5, and my worst case scenario was that it was actually going to turn in to a big cop storyline like season 5 instead of focusing on the firefam saving people from a big disaster like we used to get. AND OH, FUCKING LOOK 🙄🙄🙄

ANYWAY, I was being way less fun than everyone else, so I'm truly sorry for what your dash must have looked like if I was a beacon of positivity! As far as Buddie though like, I am trying not to get my hopes up too high (lying) because season 4 burned me HARD when I had convinced myself that tay kay being awful to Buck and flat out calling him "needy", especially after seeing Buck Begins and knowing how that would hurt him, was the show telling us she was not a good fit and I wasn't even concerned about them getting together! I was *shook* when they turned Eddie's shooting into a whole thing about her instead of the firefam and EDDIE. So like. I am not the best judge, although knowing that Tim WANTED to do something else and FOX shut it down, maybe I was more right about all that mess than the show gaslighted me into believing back then 🤷🏻‍♀️

I had to roll my eyes about tay kay for a whole fucking season and sit on that bottle of champagne I bought for BT bones for like, MONTHS. Over winter hiatus and everything! Because they drug that shit out for no reason all season to give Buck something to do. And that's not even touching what I had to survive with other shows (*cough cough* Roswell NM *cough*). So if I have to roll my eyes through BT 2: Return of the Plot Device To Give Buck Something To Do, I can. But I am absolutely gonna complain the whole time.

I think it's important to take the wins where we can and there's a lot to be happy about! Everything about BT has been the vague responses they give about every nothing relationship ever time. We are not fighting the showrunner OR the actors for this, it's a battle with the network, and we got bi Buck within 4 episodes of moving to ABC and the early renewal caused them to push storylines back knowing they had a whole season to do them. And honestly? Knowing they may not get another season? (especially if the opener is unsatisfying AGAIN??) I'm actually not pushing it out past season 8. I think we're getting something this season because they have no guarantees of renewal especially with the kind of budget the show requires, and they finally have a network that isn't holding them back. I'm all about managing expectations (I try very hard and fail a lot), but that means being open to good things too, and I think we're getting good things for Buddie.

[daisyblog]

When Three Becomes Four

Harry's House Masterlist Summary: Oliver becomes a big brother.

Oliver: Aged 3

2015. It was certainly a year to remember. From One Direction's stadium tours, touring with a two year old, Zayn leaving the band, Baby Styles number two on their way, One Direction deciding to take a break - a hiatus they said - to celebrating Oliver's third birthday.

As much as YN had enjoyed touring with the band, watching them grow bigger and bigger each time, and watching Oliver soak up every moment and watch his Daddy and uncles sing and dance each night. She was relieved when they had decided to take a break, because touring with a baby and toddler was just not ideal.

It had been two days since the boys performed their last performance on The X Factor. It was an emotional day - YN watched as each of the boys took in the bittersweet moment. They had been non-stop busy for five years. Flying from one country to the other. performing night after night. They loved it, but they deserved a break.

Like when they were expecting Oliver, YN and Harry had chosen not to find out the gender of the baby. They would often sit in the evenings when Oliver was sleeping and discuss what they thought their second born would be.

Cuddled up on the sofa, YN's leg covering Harry's - his hand placed on her growing bump. Taking them back a few years ago to when Oliver was in there. Except the few changes, Harry's hair was long, YN had also decided to dye her hair a lighter colour and Oliver was now here, sleeping soundly upstairs.

"I think we're having a girl" Harry spoke out loud, his hand moving in soft motions against YN's bump. A big grin covering his face, dimples popping out.

"Why?" YN asked, feeling calm as Harry's hand drew circles against her skin. She could feel herself slowly starting to be pulled into sleep at the relaxing motion.

"Dunno...just got the feeling ya know" Harry began to explain "And I think she's going to look like you..literally your double..but with my personality-"

"So she's going to be sassy and a diva" YN joked, a little giggle leaving her lips. Harry tried to act hurt but the laugh fell from his lips.

"Yeh..'cause Ollie's my double but he's got your calm and quieter ways"

Anne and Robin had come to stay, like they had when Oliver's due date was near. They had offered to take Oliver out for a little walk and play in the park to give YN some time to rest.

"Peas mummy..I go to ark with Gama and Gampa?" Oliver's little pleads could be heard as he stared up at her with his father's eyes. And the little mispronunciations were just so adorable. How could anyone say no?

YN chuckled as he bounced up and down in excitement, repeating "peas" over and over. "Of course you can Olls..go and get your shoes please".

"Oh Mum..watch him on the road, he's started running off..and don't push him too high on the swings, he doesn't like it..also there's a really big slide there that we don't let him go on 'cause he'll try and go on it-" Harry's rambling was interrupted by YN.

"Harry..babe..calm down, Olls will be fine with your Mum and Robin" YN reassured Harry as he ran his fingers through his long hair, giving it a little shake.

"Yeh..I know..sorry..I just worry" Oliver's loud footsteps were heard as he ran back into the room, now wearing his shoes. In the last few months, he has become really independent and wants to do a lot for himself.

"Harry..he'll be fine..I promise I'll keep you updated the whole time" Anne reassured her son, rubbing his arm slightly to comfort him. "C'mon then little man..let's go and have some fun" Anne spoke to Oliver as she helped him to put his coat and hat on.

"Gama?" Oliver's little voice spoke, as Anne kneeled down in front of him. Zipping up his coat, feeling a sense of deja vu as she remembers doing the exact same thing with Harry.

"Yes my darling" Anne looked up into the little green eyes staring back at her. Innocent, sweet and the image of his father.

She loves Gemma and Harry, they are her babies and always will be. She even loves YN like a daughter. But there was something about a grandchild. It was special and a feeling like no other, especially when Oliver spoke the next few words. "I wuv you".

Robin smiled at the scene in front of him, knowing how much those words would mean to his wife. Harry and YN looked at eachother with proud smiles, their eyes communicating for them. Being in the biggest boyband and becoming a young Dad, Harry received some negative comments, YN too. But looking at their little boy now, polite, kind and loving, they couldn't be any prouder of him or themselves for raising him into the sweet boy he is.

Anne rubs her finger across Oliver's little cheek "I love you too my sweet boy..more than all the stars in the sky", before pulling him into a tight cuddle.

---

Anne, Robin and Oliver had left about half hour ago. Anne had already sent a photo and a video of Oliver running around the park and laughing as he went down the slide with Robin catching him at the bottom.

After half hour of fixing things around the house, and making the most of a busy toddler being out of the house. The couple find themselves lounging on the sofa, a random film playing in the background.

YN wasn't sure if it was her hormones, the fact that being intimate was pretty much nonexistent whilst pregnant, touring the world and looking after a toddler or if it was the effect Harry had always had on her. But sneaking a look at Harry, especially with his hair tied back into a bun, she could feel her tummy start to flutter. She craved him.

Making a bold move, she moved so her knees were either side of his thighs and she carefully placed herself on his lap. Harry was taken by surprise but his hand naturally landed on her hips. "Uh..hi", a giggled escaped his lips, feelings a blush creep up onto his cheeks.

YN didn't reply, not with words anyway. She leaned down and captured his lips with his. It was urgent, rushed and messy. Their lips didn't break, both afraid to waste another moment. Harry hands wandered from her hips to her thighs to her bottom. YN's hands wandered from Harry's neck, to the back of his head, to trying to run them through his long locks.

As their actions become needier and they craved more form eachother, YN urged Harry to lie down. Not breaking apart. "Fuck, I've missed this" Harry spoke against her lips.

"Mhmm" YN agreed, lost for words as Harry left small kisses up her neck, knowing that was her weakness. Their hands still wandering around eachother's bodies, pulling and grabbing.

Just as Harry was going to make the next move, he felt a warm liquid between them, making him stop his movements. Snapping back into reality, as YN's bump sat between them, he'd realised what may have happened. But Harry being Harry, he couldn't resist making a joke. "Either you're very wet for me...you've pissed yourself...or your water's have gone".

YN took a frustrated sigh, slightly annoyed that of all the times her water's could have broken, it was when they were finally alone and trying to make the most of it. "I just wanted some sex..was that too much to ask?" a slight playfulness could be heard.

Harry threw his head back, feeling amused but aware of the large problem sat in his shorts. "Told ya..it's a little girl and she's gonna keep us busy, and clearly stop me from getting any".

"I guess it's time to have a baby" YN smiled down at Harry, him mimicking her grin.

---

It was like the minute YN's waters broke, the cramps and contraction came in full force. They had stayed at home for as long as possible. Harry had phoned his Mum to explain the situation and they agreed it may have been best for them to take Oliver to Gemma's to stay whilst they were still at home.

YN was holding onto the chair, in their kitchen. Swaying her hips back and forth, trying to ease the pain as she breathed through the contraction. Harry right behind her, a lot more relaxed this time around, knowing what to expect. He rubbed circles on her back, trying to provide some comfort.

"They're getting closer together..I think we should head to the hospital now" Harry suggested as he looked down at his phone, where he had been timing each contraction, noticing how sooner they were coming.

Harry gathered all their hospital bags, including the babies, and packed them into the car. When they arrived at the hospital, noticing how YN was hunched over in pain, trying her best to breathe through yet another contraction, she was wheeled into a private labour room by a midwife.

They had arrived an hour ago. YN was now wearing a hospital gown, whilst she laid on the bed. Harry sat to her side, holding her hand that wasn't clasping onto to the gas and air. She took in a large amount of gas and air as she felt another contraction hit.

"You're doing so well YN..keep going and you should have a baby by tonight" the midwife, Sophie spoke as she looked on at the scene in front of her.

Harry was taken back, when YN turned to him with a scowl, "You're not coming near me again...I can't do this fucking pain again", as she began to breathe in the gas and air. He was confused, only a few hours ago she was straddling him and wanting to be intimate.

Like the midwife read his mind, "Don't take it personally, we hear that quite a lot..she's in a lot of pain and doesn't mea-"

"I do mean it" YN managed to get out, as she went back to the gas and air, fighting the pain.

The next few hours involved, many more contractions, lots of gas and air, YN changing into different position, Harry rubbing her back and whispering words of encouragement each time as she worked through the pain.

It was around 10:32pm, when a stronger contraction hit, causing YN to cry out in pain. "I-I...I think I...I need to push". She had done it once before, she knew the feeling. Sophie, the midwife, lifted the hospital gown and could clearly see the babies head.

"You're doing amazing YN...keep listening to your body and soon you'll have your beautiful baby in your arms" Sophie encouraged as she began to gather the essential ready for the baby's arrival. Harry held onto YN's hand, and brushing the hair away from her face, leaving a small peck on her head.

At 11:10pm, YN pushed for the last time. A loud piercing cry filled the room. Tears flowed down YN and Harry's cheeks at the sound of their baby entering the world on the 15th of December 2015. Harry leaned down, leaving a kiss on YN's forhead.

"I love you so much...you're amazing" Harry spoke into YN's ear, still amazed at how women could do such a wonderful thing, as bring life into the world. "Thank you for the best gifts in life".

Interrupting their moment, Sophie spoke as she placed the newborn onto YN's bare chest, encouraging the skin to skin contact. "Congratulations Mummy and Daddy..meet your beautiful baby girl".

A baby girl. Proving Harry right, she had her mother's eyes, turned up nose and petite lips. The mini version of YN. It was in that moment as they both sat and stared at the little baby laying on YN's chest, that they knew their family was now complete.

---

It was the next afternoon, YN was resting in bed, a white blanket covering her body. Harry was sat on the chair next to the bed cuddling their daughter as she had just finished a bottle of milk. The door squeaked open, Anne peeping around as Oliver ran in straight toward his Mummy.

"Mummy!"

"Careful with Mummy Olls" Harry stepped in as he saw his son run and jump up on the bed, clearly he had missed her. He smiled as Oliver wrapped his arms around YN's neck and YN leaving small kisses to his cheek, before signalling his family to enter.

Anne took in the scene of her son holding his daughter in his arms. A rush of emotions hit her. Her second born, holding his second born. She quickly snapped a photo of the two, before going over and giving YN a quick cuddle and checking she was okay.

"Come and meet your sisters Ollie" Harry spoke. Oliver reluctantly moving from his mother side, and walking slowly towards them. He looked at the little baby in his father's arms, slowly bringing up his finger to touch his sister's hand.

"Baby?" His sweet voice spoke "My baby?". Making everyone chuckle at the innocence and the loving side of the little boy shining through.

"Yeh..she's your baby sister..do you want to know her name?" Harry asked, his mini him staring back with wide eyes, nodding eagerly. Anne, Robin and Gemma's ears listening intently, desperate to know the name of their new granddaughter and niece. "Emilie Lily Styles".

liked by harrystyles, annetwist and 982,233 others

ynln Emilie Lily Styles 🧸💗 15/12/2015 View all 10,822 comments

gemmastyles Luckiest Auntie in the world 💙💗

annetwist My beautiful family is growing ❤️ I love you all very much xx

niallhoran Congratulations guys! My favourite little family xx

louteasdale Awwwwww 💜 A little girl!

ellaanneselley Aww congratulations! Can't wait to meet Emilie 💓

lottietomlinson Congratulations salts 💘 Beautiful name xx

louist91 Congrats! So happy for you both and Ollie x

deeselley Lovely news! Congratulations darlings ❤️

liampayne Amazing news! Congrats you guys!! xx

liked by ynln, jamescorden and 2,723,065 others

harrystyles Four Hands. Four Hearts. One Home. View all 15,232 comments

ynln Love you all 💙💗💙💗

annetwist Beautiful ❤️

jamescorden Congratulations guys! Wonderful news x

nickgrimshaw Aw cute! Congratulations you guys!

mrbenwinston Amazing news H. A big congratulations to you, YN and Oliver.

zayn Congratulations to all of you x

ritaora Congratulations!! Love from Auntie Rita xxx

ollymurs Congratulations to your little family H. I'm slightly gutted my name wasn't used again 😂

onedirection Wishing your family all the best!

Tag List: (let me know if you would like to be added) @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @harryssattelitestomper @haarrrys @hittiesontour @theekyliepage @itsmytimetoodream @harrys-flower

[kirkirk]

I think I know what Rejet's next move could be for DL (Soft theory)

-- Rejet's slogan for 2023: REVAMP -reform-. From IwaD's X account

I have a hunch they might have cooked an epic comeback in 2023 and we're already seeing the first hints about where it all could lead to.

Today I was welcomed by every diaboy as kids when I opened twitter and, despite being a pleasant surprise (they all look adorable) it got me thinking.

Before anything, keep in mind that this is only a thought exercise. I myself admit this scenario might be too optimistic.

This last year, IwaD became quite active on their socials (at least from my POV). Doing polls about which merch lines people prefer, minor coloring preferences, interest checks... In their ongoing projects, they intend to open a new cafe, concept room, and store.

Lately, they've been doing a lot of recruitment posts, even going to the extent of making their own website for job listings. That one being:

In their tweet about this, IwaD says the following:

Clearly hinting at Rejet coming back into game/CD development (even tho he might be just doing some damage control).

Coming back to their new merch release (at the time I'm writing this, Millennium Summer, the one with them as kids with sunflowers), the title instantly catches my attention. As the last time they did merch of their younger selves, the set starts with the word 'Millennium'. As if they were trying to build a separate SUBbrand around them as kiddos.

To me, this is interesting in itself, because I enjoy marketing a lot, but this could hint at something bigger. Another odd thing they did lately was releasing YUI MERCH!!! (happy screaming SFX) and for it, they did 7 whole Yui outfits. Kind of a LOT for people that before weren't even thinking about doing any merch with her.

If you think about it, there are tons to say about the diaboys' childhoods. It's true that we know some big canon events, but, taking into account how many years they've been alive, it wouldn't be difficult for them to add some new content there. I know I don't talk for everyone here, but I believe their childhoods to be one of the most fascinating aspects of DL's lore.

Hear me out, what were the last story-related things Rejet released? Daylight and Youngblood. Yes, Youngblood, the mangas about them as children. They were already thinking about this before going on this nightmare of a hiatus.

I truly believe Rejet's next move could be a new game with their childhood selves as protagonists, with Yui taking the role of a storyteller/narrator and using some of her merch outfits as new sprites. She could even be a Karlheinz-like figure, that tries to give advice to the children from time to time.

I haven't researched the personal situation of all of DL's seiyuus, but I know there have been some controversies (such as Ruki's VA getting seriously canceled when the whole DL hiatus thing was starting). This could help avoid any backlash since they'd have to cast new people to do their kiddie voices. This would also be way cheaper for them since most of DL's seiyuus are very famous. No matter how I think about it, this would be a flawless move for them. Heck, they could even lure into DL some of the people who are afraid of the brand due to its original bad press if they turn it into a whole subbrand (which they're already starting to do) with a separate new name and a pretty makeover on top.

On the other hand, if they want to go for drama CDs first, I don't think they would do them from their baby POVs, depending on the voice, they could sound really annoying for a 1 hour CD + I doubt people would buy them at all. In that case, they might do a first run of CDs with the original VA cast (this would also allow them to test whether the public cares about canceled VAs) with our guys retelling a main event from each of their childhoods. This could be a direct segue into a game that would explain each of the new old conflicts.

Again, I know this is foolishly optimistic, I myself I'm hopefully skeptical, but I hope you've enjoyed this thought exercise. Who knows, maybe there's a timeline where Millennium Devils is a thing, or maybe I come from the future.

Update: THEY JUST DID A 4KOMA WITH THEIR MILLENNIUM SUMMER ILLUSTRATION I'M VIBRATING I KNEW IT AAAA

[astradyke]

hi 2:30 am here fuck well here's the post: being in this community is exhausting in the best way because i have entirely forgotten about the hand-holding in the april fools video until i remember in a violent resurgence. and i forgot about the orange carpet for we're all doomed and the aftershow with phil being there. and i forgot about remote crisis manager. and i forgot about the orange heart when phil retweeted for wad's full release. and i forgot about all the knowing jokes in their latest videos. and i forgot about the first sister daniel debut. and i forgot about from emo to angel. and i forgot about the bed and the his and his' joke and sims honeymoon parallels and the triple date photos. and i forgot about cheers dear and after everything all the health scares we don't want to take this for granted and i wanted you to be happy.

which is all to say that i haven't actually forgotten about any of these things, because i couldn't have. my mind is always a split between the small moments interspersed in gaming videos and every mention of dan during his hiatus including all the videos phil had hyping up what he was doing. and i think about cheers dear too much and i think about for the first time since i was a tiny child i actually felt safe. and i think about phil doesn't count as a person and i think about i've just seen how happy he's been since he's figured all this out. and i think about easy bubby and i think about you look lovely here.

but obviously every second dan and phil moves is like a gunshot to me, so currently all i can think about is the couple photos from their trip together. and i just got jumpscared thinking about the orange heart again because GOD we've been in this era for no time at all and for a LONG minute. i'm really new to posting in the phandom so maybe it's just that but i think it's silly i don't know like how much has happened. they <3

[victoria-daydreams]

The Hare and The Tower

Chapter Eleven: Bundles of Joy

AN: The way I wrote this chapter, I hope its not OOC for Otto, but given the nature of the chapter I can't imagine anyone not reacting like this. Saddle up y'all, we're getting angsty. Also, important announcement, after this chapter I will be taking a brief hiatus. Don't panic, I just want take some time and work on my own original story and also start getting the second act of this fic written/revise previous chapters.

Trigger Warnings: age gap, complications from labor

Word Count: 2.9k

Taglist: @dogmatic255 @sidechrisporn @amethystwonders11 @ladysindar @sweetwanderlust05 @newandykes @helloimlateforeverything @loveofvernonslife @stitchattacks @dariequeen @kishie8 @girlonfireice @snowymarvel1205 @greenlightower @harrypotteranna23-blog

If you want to be added to the taglist just leave a comment.

Summary: The joys of new motherhood can all change within a blink of the eye.

Chapter Twelve: If I Die Young

116 AC, Westeros

Two days had passed since the joyous birth of the twins, but Jesmyn still remained weak from her labors. It was during this time when the coughing started. At first, there was nothing particularly alarming about it, a few coughs here and there. However, this sentiment swiftly evolved the instance her coughing fits became more and more frequent, making her body tremble with the force of them. Sometimes it left her gasping for breath between each uncontrollable cough. Jesmyn knew something awry, but like her labors, she believed this affliction would soon pass too.

Propped up by pillows and wrapped in fresh linen, Jesmyn a soft smile graced her lips at the sight around her bedchamber. Otto, along with her family had came to see her and children. She sat forward looking at the son she had borne. Tobin was small, but strong as he moved his tiny limbs in his gown. She kissed the babe’s soft head and breathed in his calming newborn scent as she held him.

"Tobin, my handsome boy," Jesmyn said, looking at the dark haired child who was watching all with his quick eyes.

���Might I please hold my nephew?" Celesse asked, holding her arms out.

"Of course sister, but I must ask of you to not pass on your troublesome tendencies," Jesmyn quipped, making Celesse laugh as she took the boy.

"I will try Lady Hightower, but some things are quite contagious," she tickled the boy under the chin and smiled as the baby cooed.

Jesmyn grinned, her eyes drifting away from her family who were gushing over her children and towards the doorway. Otto and the maester were standing just outside of her door and spoke quietly amongst themselves. Otto’s eyes flitted over to Jesmyn’s causing her face to light up with a brighter smile. He mirrored her expression. Although the corners of his lips went up, the smile never reached his eyes. It looked somewhat forced, almost sad.

A sharp pain in her chest broke her musings. Harsh coughs erupted from Jesmyn, a violent coughing fit seizing her body. Otto was by her side in an instant.

"I-I'm fine," she croaked out, noticing how quickly silence swept across her bedchamber. The expressions of her family ranging from grim to alarmed. "I'm fine," she repeated breathlessly, looking directly at her husband, who watched her with concern.

A strong breeze swept through from the window of her room, causing a chill to run down her spine.

"Shut the window!" Otto ordered, his tone a bit more forceful than necessary while looking over his shoulder.

"Yes, Lord Hightower," a handmaiden responded quickly.

Leaning back onto her pillows, Jesmyn closed her eyes for a moment. With every day that passed it seemed like her coughing spells were draining her strength. Worse, everything ached; she didn't think it possible, but even the hair on her head. On top of that, she was always so cold, a window wouldn't have to be open for her skin to resemble gooseflesh. A large and warm palm gently pressed itself against her stomach. Jesmyn’s eyes fluttered back open and smiled weakly at Otto as he nodded to her.

"You must continue to rest, my dear," Otto said. "You are very tired,"

Jesmyn mirrored his actions, nodding slowly in agreement. "Yes, so very tired," she said, barely stifling a yawn.

As everyone filed out of the room, Lady Clarick moved over to her bedside and placed her hand on top of Jesmyn's.

"Rest, my sweet girl," she said, giving her hand a squeeze.

Once her mother left, Otto lingered in the doorway momentarily before finally withdrawing from her chambers. Shutting the door behind him, he sent one last worried stare over his shoulder just as the door quietly clicked shut.

~~~x~~~

She was half asleep when Jesmyn felt a tickling sensation softly run across her knuckles. A sigh escaped her, nestling her head deeper into the pillows and ignoring the feeling. Slowly, a weight sank onto the mattress next to her, causing her eyes to flutter open. Even through bleary vision she knew who the unmistakable figure was.

"Husband," Jesmyn greeted groggily, wiping the sleep from her eyes. Once she blinked her eyes clear, she noticed Otto was dressed for bed himself. "Gods," she exhaled, pushing herself up in bed. "Have I slumbered the whole day away?" she questioned.

"'Slumbering the day away' are the maester's orders," Otto reminded, with a small laugh. "You must regain your strength," he added.

"I know, but I cannot help from feeling guilty," Jesmyn replied, shaking her head. "I’ve been confined to this bed when I should be tending to Vanesha and Tobin," she complained, folding her arms across her chest.

Otto took a hold of Jesmyn's hand, pulling it away from her body with ease. A smile tugged on her lips at the act.

"Well, overexerting yourself will not help them nor yourself," he lectured. "Fret not, our children are under the watchful eyes of the wet nurses, making sure their every need is met," Otto finished, raising her hand to his mouth and pressing a kiss to her fingers.

Jesmyn hummed, "Your words offer me comfort, Husband," she said, shifting slightly and lowering herself back onto the pillows. "Will you join me?" she asked, using her free hand to lightly pat her abdomen.

A hesitant look flashed across Otto's face, "I could hurt-"

"You won't," Jesmyn cut in. "Come, let us lay together like we once did," she beckoned, with a smile.

Wordlessly, he swung his legs onto to the mattress and his body fully stretched out on the bed. With care, Otto slowly sunk his head onto her stomach.

He nuzzled his face into her stomach, "Gods, have I missed this," he remarked, releasing a heavy sigh.

"How was your day?" Jesmyn asked, carding her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

"Politics as usual," Otto answered, with a slight groan. "King Viserys sends his best wishes" he mentioned.

"How very thoughtful of him, you must tell I said thank you when you see him again,"

"Of course," Otto said, lifting his head to look at her.

He pushed himself up, his stare full of warmth and affection never leaving her. A thin smile formed on her lips awaiting her husband's next move.

"What is it? Why do you stare me in such way?" she asked gently, almost whispering.

Otto's answer came in the form of him gently nuzzling his face against her cheek. Next, were his lips brushing across her face. His warm breath fanning against her skin as he caressed her nose with his own. Letting her eyes close, she let herself savor moment of tenderness.

"How long has it been," he began quietly. "Since we had a moment such as this?" he murmured. "Where it’s just been the two of us?" he wondered.

"Too long,"

Otto kissed her on her left cheek, it was a quick peck barely lasting a second. Another one followed. Then a third. And a fourth. He kissed her closed eyelids, the tip of her nose, the contour of her jaw. Her hand unconsciously reached up and gripped his night shirt. Jesmyn let out a short, soft pleased sigh as his lips ghosted the corner of her mouth. Before finally, his lips softly met hers.

Otto was deliberately slow, kissing her unhurriedly, savoring the taste of her lips. His languid movements drew the air out of her lungs, and when they parted to breathe, she unconsciously quivered for more.

Jesmyn's eyes reopened, "How long have you waited to do that?" she asked breathlessly.

"Too long," he said, echoing her words from earlier, something which caused Jesmyn to grin. He caressed her cheek. "I can’t help but notice you brushed your hair," he noted. "I’m surprised you didn’t tire yourself out, it occurs so easily as of late,"

She shook her head, "I didn’t do it, Reina did," Jesmyn corrected. "Right before supper," she added. "She said my hair resembled a bird's nest, she feared one of those pretty, exotic birds from the Summer Islands would make a home in it," Jesmyn recalled, grinning brightly.

"Crisis averted," he quipped.

Jesmyn went to laugh but her body tensed instead, her frame shivering beneath her blankets. She didn't think it possible, but even wearing a robe and being wrapped in two blankets wasn't nearly enough.

"Are you cold?" Otto questioned, shifting himself to lay on his side.

"Unbelievably so," she answered, chuckling a little.

"Let me tend to the fire," he offered, moving to get up.

Jesmyn's hand shot out, "No, just lie with me for a moment," she said softly. "It won't be long before I'm asleep again. I can feel it creeping on me," she added.

Otto nodded slowly, "Whatever you desire, love," he agreed. "Though, I have to wonder how you are so cold? You are neck deep in covers," he joked, placing his palm against her forehead and his lighthearted demeanor was wiped from his face. "Jesmyn, you’re warm, much too warm" he remarked, his expression growing serious.

"Am I not neck deep in covers, Otto?" she retorted playfully, with a small yawn.

"Yet, you shiver from coldness,"

"The human body can be such a fickle thing,"

Jesmyn's eyelids became heavier and heavier with each second that passed.

"I should wake the maester and—"

"You worry too much," she teased, her eyes now fully shut.

"And you worry too little,"

Without having to reopen her eyes, Jesmyn's hand rested itself against Otto’s cheek.

"I am well. Do not worry over me, my love," she reassured. “I’ll be better in the morning, I promise," she went on. "Just think, in a day or so, I shall be back in your loving embrace in our bed," she finished, smiling blissfully at the thought.

~~~x~~~

Third POV

The moment Jesmyn had fallen into a peaceful sleep, Otto immediately disregarded her behest of not calling the maester. It was one of her flaws, Jesmyn detested being fussed over, but in this instance Otto would see to her being watched every moment of the day. He knew what this was. With the very core of his very being, he knew and it terrified him. In front of his eyes, his precious wife seemed to be shrinking into herself.

In the dim light of candles and the fireplace offered them, Otto’s face was heavy with weariness, his eyes red with lack of sleep.

"It's childbed fever, my lord," the maester informed quietly.

"I know," Otto uttered, his voice just barely above a whisper. His grip tightened around the bedpost as if it alone kept him upright. "Leave us," he ordered.

"Lord Hightower—"

"Leave, us,"

The maester bowed to him and left the room. Otto swallowed deeply, feeling his agony beginning to bubble to the surface as he walked slowly to Jesmyn’s side. Dropping down on the bed, he took her cool hand in his. A small whimper escaped her and the sound almost nearly undid him. Otto lifted her hand up and brought it to his lips. Tears leaked from his eyes, but he could not stop them. He pressed his mouth firmly against her hand and remained in the same position for a few moments.

"Don't go. Please…don't go…" Otto whispered. "Oh Gods, it is not her time yet," he begged. "I beseech you to leave her here. Don't take her away from me. My son and daughter need their mother, and I need my wife,"

Otto kissed her hand again before place his hand on her forehead. A grimace formed on his face because of it. Jesmyn’s forehead had only grown hotter, her dark hair frizzled and damp from the fever sweat. Dropping his gaze to her chest, he counted each breath she took. Her breathing was far more labored than he have ever wished to hear it.

For the next two hours he kept a constant vigil at her side, not allowing anyone to remove him.

~~~x~~~

Darkness shrouded Jesmyn’s chambers, the windows kept firmly shut and blocking the few rays of sun which managed to filter through. Jesmyn laid motionless on her bed, from a distance, any sign of life within her was absent; not even the expected rise and fall of her chest. However, only by reaching out and holding a finger below her nose could one feel evidence of her continuing existence, in the soft, hitched puffs of her breath. Three days had came and went, but Jesmyn remained in her feverish state. Her once glowing face was now a lackluster shade, a cold sweat coating her forehead.

"Lady Hightower burns with a fever which refuses to break. It saps what little strength has. If this continues…"

The maester's words echoed in Otto's head as he lovingly dabbed a cold cloth against her face. Jesmyn's hair clung to her skin, it's brilliant sheen gone. In this last hour before the dusk, Otto continued to watch over her, wishing there was some way to ease her pain.

"Any signs she’s improving?" Alicent asked, entering into the room.

"It does not appear so," came his silent reply.

“She’s strong, Father. Jesmyn will persevere,” Alicent assured, resting her hand on her father’s shoulder.

Otto placed the cloth onto the bedside table and took Jesmyn’s cool hand in his. He kissed the knuckles and held the limp appendage close to his mouth.

“Perhaps, we should look in on my brother and sister,” Alicent suggested, her tone soft. “The gods are known to bless us when we least expect it,” she reminded, looking at her ailing friend.

“You’re right, dear daughter,” he agreed, a heavy sigh leaving him. Otto pressed his lips against Jesmyn’s knuckles once more. “My beautiful wife, soon we will show our son and daughter the magnificence of Oldtown,” he promised, his voice not above a murmur.

Standing up from the mattress, he reluctantly let Jesmyn’s hand slip from his and moved away from her bed. With every step Otto took, his mind began to be plagued with dark thoughts. What if this was the last time he saw her, alive. Stopping at the door, Otto looked over at Jesmyn’s form.

"Please Gods, in your mercy, let my wife live," he whispered.

~~~x~~~

The next day, it was Rhaenyra who sat with Jesmyn in her darkened bedchamber. One hand gripped the book in her lap she was reading aloud to Jesmyn, while the other gripped her friend’s cool hand.

"Congratulations on the birth of your children," Rhaenyra said, with a small smile.

"Thank you, Otto and I being blessed with twins, can you hardly believe it Rhaenyra?"

No matter how many years have passed, Rhaenyra still found it hard to swallow the idea of Jesmyn being married to him, Lord Hightower. Even more so, now that she had birthed two babies from him, further solidifying her ties as a member of House Hightower. At the moment though, Rhaenyra could only think about was how trivial her feud was with Jesmyn as she laid near lifeless in bed.

"Please wake up Jesmyn," Rhaenyra begged. "I wish to see my dear friend again. To have you behind me as we go dragon riding, watch you do that silly jig whenever you find the perfect spot for your next painting," she remarked, her fingers tightening around Jesmyn's. "I just got you back, I can’t lose you this quickly again. Not like this, not in the same manner as my mother,"

A heavy silence engulfed the room and Rhaenyra slowly released her hand around Jesmyn's, sniffling as she did.

"I-I should take my leave," she said, trying to get her breath under control. "We'll pick back up where we left, it's one of your favorite stories," she informed, swallowing thickly.

She closed the book with a quiet snap and rose from the chair, turning her back to the bed. That's when she heard it. A small whimper from behind her. Instantly, Rhaenyra spun around her eyes wide, and full of tears.

"Jesmyn?"

Her eyes cracked open slightly and Rhaenyra immediately took her hand.

"Rhae..Rhaenyra?" Jesmyn's voice was husky with illness, but it was there.

A smile beamed from her face, "Yes, yes it's me!" she said, through tears. "Someone, get the maester!" Rhaenyra demanded, a feeling of cautious relief spreading through her.

~~~x~~~

"The fever has broken,"

Otto's features lit up as a smile of sheer relief broke out on his face. He clasped a firm hand on the older man's and smiled for the first time in many days. His wife was finally on the mend. He walked further into the room where the midwife was helping Jemsyn sip tea.

"Jesmyn!" he rushed to her side, thankful to see his wife awake.

Pressing a tender kiss to her forehead, he immediately noticed she was cooler to the touch, still warmer than he preferred, but undeniably cooler than before. There was a time, when Otto would have simply pulled her into his arms and embraced her. But now, he feared such an act would only cause her more pain, so he contented himself with holding her hand. A tired smile appeared on her face, it was a pale reflection of usual her bright, infectious smile, but nonetheless Otto was overjoyed to see it.

"Otto," Jesmyn said softly, and he smiled at her before nuzzling her face.

"Sweet wife, you gave us quite a scare," Otto informed, his tone almost sounding scolding, but the undertone was sweet and gentle. "How are you, my love?"

"Exhausted," Jesmyn answered, chuckling a little. "But, alive,"

"Yes, you most certainly are, Gods be praised," he whispered.

Chapter Thirteen: Homecoming

[modern-day-bard]

Worth The Feeling

Content Warning: 18+ This series contains explicit smut, intimidation, and an age gap relationship. Minors, do not interact.

Epilogue

Eight Years Later

"No, no, January is going to be perfect. I was able to sign off on pre-production so we're good to go." Alice's excited voice chirps through my phone.

"Does this mean...We're greenlit?" I ask with equal enthusiasm.

"We're greenlit!" She practically sings.

"Oh my god!" I dance around my office, despite the fact that I'm completely alone inside of it, and one of the walls is made completely of glass. Whatever. It won't be the first time my team has seen this kind of excitable outburst from me.

"Thank you, Alice! I need to tell Lana and Patrick."

"Absolutely, go, go. I'll talk to you later, Director." I can't help but get choked up as she says it. When Alice directed her first film, I was lucky enough to have worked my way up to be an assistant director. After two films together, she moved on to producing and reached out to me when she opened up her production company last year. I adored working with her. I never got to interact with her too much as a PA at Norwick, but with her directing, it was an entirely new playing field. She was calm, concise, and driven. I jumped at the opportunity as soon as she had asked me, even though it is the most terrifying and exhilarating thing I've done in my life.

My first project as a director, officially greenlit. Set to start production in January.

I want to tell Javi first, but I can't help but head straight for the door, opening it to my team sitting at their desks outside. Lana is the first to peak up at me, before she nudges Patrick, our screenwriter, next to her.

"Are we—?" She asks, nearly holding her breath.

"We're greenlit!" I exclaim, and Lana is instantly at my side, wrapping me in a tight hug. Patrick and the rest of the team hoot and holler, and Lana and I jump up and down, still holding onto each other.

"It's going to be a lot," I say quietly to Lana, "I know we're ready but–"

"Can you do me a favor and enjoy yourself?" Lana playfully pinches my arm. "You've earned it. We all have. Aves, it's going to be amazing."

Patrick is next to me then, and I wrap him in a hug next.

"We couldn't have done it without your words, Pat."

"I don't believe that for a second, but God am I excited for some job security."

I laugh, and several of the team members shout in agreement.

"I can't wait to tell Mia!" Lana says, already dialing her wife's number. We had promised Mia that if we were actually able to make this happen, her newly opened coffeehouse would be featured in the film. Shouldn't be too difficult to coordinate when your wife is the sound designer and your best friend is the director. She'll be thrilled, not that she needs any additional advertisement. Mia opened up the place just before they got married two years ago, and it's been thriving ever since.

"I feel like I'm walking into good news?"

My heart flutters at the warm voice filling our small office. I look to my right, and sure enough, Javi is walking in carrying a bag full of take out boxes, a broad smile lighting up his handsome face. He sets the bag down on the board room table, raising his eyebrows at me expectantly.

"We start filming in January!" I squeal.

Patrick moves back to his desk, typing eagerly on his phone, just as Lana moves toward the stairwell. I hear her tell Mia the good news as soon as the door closes.

Javi is in front of me now, giving me the same proud smile I've seen hundreds of times over the past eight years.

"Congratulations, my love." He brings my hand to kiss lips, kissing the top of it first before kissing the ring on my finger. That was his latest thing. He asked me to marry him just a few months ago on our hiatus trip back to Italy. We decided we should properly see the city now that he and I were old news to the press. That first year was tricky, many people commenting on our work together, and our age difference. But as our love grew, the noise died down. People began to realize that this was real. And eventually, thankfully, the headlines started to turn positive, until they eventually began to focus mainly on our work.

We had agreed to wait until I was at least an assistant director before Javi popped the question. He had a hard time waiting, often sending me incredibly unsubtle hints about rings and venues. So I was prepared for him to propose eventually. What I wasn't prepared for was him getting the same hotel room he had stayed in during our time in Italy. He set up a moonlit dinner on the roof by the pool, a slightly upgraded version to the pizza he had brought me so many years ago, and he asked for my hand. Javi, however old fashioned it may be, had already visited both my parents in person to ask for permission. They were overjoyed of course, and they still spoke weekly. And for me, it was the easiest choice I've ever made.

Javi's deep brown eyes look up into mine as he pulls his lips back from my finger.

"Thank you," I say quietly. "Your support has made all the difference, just in case I haven't told you."

"You may have mentioned it once or twice." He kisses my cheek, pulling me in for a hug.

When we release each other, I ask, "Do you have a second to talk in my office?"

He smirks at the formality. "Of course."

Javi follows me inside and I click the door behind me. He leans against the front of my desk, arms folded across his chest.

"Well, Mr. Gutierrez, I've been chatting with Alice and I have a favor to ask." I use my most professional tone, walking around the other side of my desk, forcing him to turn and face me.

"I thought I told you to call me Javi," He jokes.

I blush at the memory, smiling to myself over how the tables have turned. When he had first asked me to call him Javi, I was escorting him back to his trailer for lunch. Today, he's bringing me lunch to my office where I want to discuss my feature film.

"In that case, Javi, would you happen to be free this upcoming January through, perhaps, April?"

His eyes narrow, but his smile grows wider. "Are you offering me a job, Ms. Cohen?"

"Yes. Alice and I think you'd be the perfect supporting cast member. And please, you can call me Mrs. Gutierrez." I can't help but laugh as I say it.

"Oh, I intend to." Javi's voice is low and serious, coated with anticipation despite my humorous tone. I clear my throat. I need to make sure I can actually get his approval before I completely lose my head.

"In all seriousness, if you want the part, it's yours. There is no pressure to accept it. I obviously think you'd be perfect, and I checked with Danielle and I don't think it should clash with your upcoming projects but that doesn't mean—"

Javi crosses over to my side of the desk, cupping my face in his hands to shut me up.

"I'd love to. I've read the part, it's fantastic. The whole project."

I nod, meeting his tender gaze.

"I'm serious though, Javi. How would you feel about me directing you?"

He seems to consider it for a moment, looking into my eyes and down to my lips. "We've worked together before, and I would say it went pretty well." He presses a light kiss to my lips before dropping his voice down to a whisper. "And regardless of a director's chair or not, I plan on following both you and your directions for a long, long time."

I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him down to kiss me through my giggles. I had that same euphoric feeling I had in Italy when he got on one knee. That feeling that all the noise, the nerves, and the opinions were all worth it. He is worth it all, and he made me feel as though I am too.

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a/n: if you’ve made it to the end of my story, thank you so much for reading it!! 🤍 This was my first attempt at fanfiction & I was nervous to post. I appreciate anyone for taking the time to give it a read! I’m working on more now & hope to post in the near future 🫶🏻