#( I got some drafts almost done but it’s a process )

[edgymuses-a]

the sandman show has a hold on me but I’ll back here. I’m trying to avoid spoilers to it

[ahdriking]

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[jewelleria]

I don’t usually talk about politics on here, if ever. But it’s been almost six months since the conflict in the Middle East flared up again, and I’m finally ready to start. Here are some of my thoughts.

I say ‘flared up’ because this has happened before and it’ll happen again. Because, even though what's currently going on is absolutely unprecedented, those of us who live in this part of the world are used to it. Let that sink in: we are used to this. And we shouldn’t have to be. 

But I use that term for another reason: I don't want to accidentally call it the wrong thing lest I come under fire for being a genocidal maniac or a terrorist or a propaganda machine, etc., etc.—so let’s just call it ‘the war’ or ‘the conflict.’ Because that’s what it is. Doesn’t matter which side you’re on, who you love, or who you hate. 

This post will, in all likelihood, sit in my drafts forever. If it does get posted, it certainly won’t be on my main, because I'm scared of being harassed (spoiler: she posted it on her main). I hate admitting that, but honestly? I’m fucking terrified. 

I also feel like in order for anything I say on here (i.e. the hellscape of the internet) to be taken seriously, I have to somehow prove that a) I’m “educated” enough to talk about the conflict, and b) that my opinion lines up with what has been deemed the correct one. So, tedious and unnecessary though it is, I will tell you about my experience, because I have a feeling most of the people reading this post are not nearly as close to what’s happening as I am.

How do I explain where I live without actually explaining where I live? How do I say “I live in the Red Zone of international conflicts” without saying what I actually think? How do I convey the fear that grips me when I try to decide between saying “I live in Palestine” and “I live in Israel”? I don't really know. But I do know that names are important. I also know that, due to the various clickbaity monikers ascribed to the conflict, it would probably just be easier to point to a map. 

I haven't always lived in the Middle East. I've lived in various places along America’s east coast, and traveled all over the world. But in short, I now live somewhere inside the crudely-drawn purple circle. 

If you know anything about these borders you probably blanched a bit in sympathy, or maybe condolence. But in truth, it’s a shockingly normal existence. I don't feel like I've lived through the shifting of international relations or a war or anything. I just kind of feel like I did when COVID hit, that dull sameness as I wondered if this would be the only world-altering event to shape my life, or if there would be more. 

I've been told that, in order for my brain to process all the horrific details of the past six months, there needs to be some element of cognitive dissonance—that falling into a sort of dissociative mindset is the only way to not go insane under the weight of it all. I think in some ways that’s true. I have been terrifyingly close to bus stop shootings when my commute wasn’t over; I have felt my apartment building shake with the reverberations of a missile strike; I have spent hours in underground shelters waiting for air raid sirens to stop. 

But. I have also gone grocery shopping, and skipped class, and stayed up too late watching TV, and fed the cats on the street corner, and cried over a boy, and got myself AirPods just because, and taken out the trash, and done laundry on a delicate cycle, and bought overpriced lattes one too many days a week. I have looked at pretty things and taken out my phone because, despite it all, I still think that life is too short not to freeze the small moments. 

So I'd say, all things considered, I live an incredibly privileged life—compared, of course, to those suffering in Gaza—one filled with sunsets and over-sweetened knafeh and every different color of sand. One that allows me to throw myself into a fandom-induced hyperfixation (or, alternatively, escape method) as I sit on the couch and crack open my laptop to write the next chapter of the fic I'm working on. 

But there are bits of not-normalness that wheedle their way through the cracks. I pretend these moments are avoidable, even if they’re not. 

They look like this: reading the news and seeing another idiotic, careless choice on Netanyahu’s part and groaning into my morning coffee. Watching Palestinian and Jewish children’s needless suffering posted on Instagram reels and feeling helpless. Opening my Tumblr DMs to find a message telling me to exterminate myself for reblogging a post that only seems like it’s about the war if you squint and tilt your head sideways. 

These moments look like all the tiny ways I am reminded that I'm living in a post-October seventh world, where hearing a car backfire makes me jump out of my skin and the sound of a suitcase on pavement makes me look up at the sky and search for the war planes. They look like the heavy grief that is, and also isn’t, mine. 

Here's the thing, though. I know you’re wondering when the ball will drop and my true opinion will be revealed. I know you’re waiting for me to reveal what demographic I'm a part of so that you, dear reader, can neatly slap a label on my head and sort me into some oversimplified category that lets you continue to think you understand this war. 

No one wants to sit and ruminate on the difficult questions, the ones that make you wonder if maybe you’ve been tinkered with by the propaganda machine, if you might need to go back on what you’ve said or change your mind. We all strive for our perception of complicated issues to be a comfortable one.

But I know that no matter what I do, there will always be assumptions. So, while I shudder to reveal this information online, I think that maybe my most significant contribution to this meta-discussion spanning every facet of the internet is this: 

I am a Jew. 

Or, alternatively, I am: Jewish, יהודית, يَهُودِيٌّ, etc. Point is, I come from Jews. And, like any given person, I am a product of generation after generation of love. 

I'm not going to take time to explain my heritage to you, or to prove that before all the expulsions and pogroms, there was an origin point. If you don’t believe that, perhaps it’s less of a factual problem and more of an ‘I don’t give weight to the beliefs of indigenous people’ problem. But, in case you want to spend time uselessly refuting this tiny point in a larger argument, you can inspect the photos below (it’s just a small chunk of my DNA test results). Alternatively, you can remember that interrogating someone in an attempt to make their indigeneity match your arbitrary criteria is generally not seen as good manners. 

Now, let’s go back to thathateful message (read: poorly disguised death threat) I received in my Tumblr DMs. I think it was like two or three weeks ago. I had recently gained a new follower whose blog’s primary focus was the fandom I contribute to, so I followed them back. I saw in my notes that they were going through my posts and liking them—as one does when gaining a new mutual. Yippee! 

Then they sent me this: 

I tried to explain that hate speech is not a way to go about participating in political discourse, but the person had already blocked me immediately after sending that message. Then, assured by the fact that I surely would never see them complaining about me on their blog (because, as I said, they blocked me), they posted a shouting rant accusing me of sympathizing with colonizing settlers and declaring me a “racist Zionist fuck.” Oh, the wonders of incognito tabs.

Where this person drew these conclusions after reading my (reblogged) post about antisemitism…. I'm not actually sure. But I greatly sympathize with them, and hope that they weren’t too personally offended by my desire to not die. 

For a while I contemplated this experience in my righteous anger, and tried to figure out a way to message this person. I wanted to explain that a) seeing a post about being Jewish and choosing to harass the creator about Israel is literally the definition of antisemitism and b) that sending a hateful DM and refusing to be held accountable is just childish and immature. But I gave up soon after—because, honestly, I knew it wasn’t worth my effort or energy. And I knew that I wouldn't be able to change their mind. 

But I still remember staring at that rather unfortunate meme, accompanied by an all-caps message demanding for me to Free Palestine, and thinking: the post didn’t even have any buzzwords. I remember the swoop of dread and guilt and fear. I remember wondering why this kind of antisemitism felt worse, in that moment, than the kind that leaves bodies in its wake. 

I remember thinking, I don’t have the power to free anyone.

I remember thinking, I’m so fucking tired. 

And before you tell me that this conflict isn’t about religion—let me ask you some questions. Why is it that Israel is even called Israel? (Here’s why.) Why do Jews even want it? (Here’s why.) But also, if you actually read the charters of Islamist terrorist organizations like ISIS, Hamas, and Hezbollah (among others), they equate the modern state of Israel with the Jewish people, and they use the two entities interchangeably. So of course this conflict is religious. It’s never been anything but that.

But I do wonder, when faced with those who deny this fact: how do I prove, through an endless slew of what-about-isms and victim blaming, that I too am hurting? How do I show that empathy is dialectical, that I can care deeply for Palestinians and Gazans while also grieving my own people? 

There's this thing that humans do, when we’re frustrated about politics and need to howl our opinions about it into the void until we feel better. We find like-minded souls, usually our friends and neighbors, and fret about the state of the world to each other until we’ve gone around in a satisfactory amount of circles. But these conversations never truly accomplish anything. They’re just a substitute, a stand-in catharsis, for what we really wish we could do: find someone who embodies the spirit of every Jew-hating internet troll, every ignorant justifier of terrorism, and scream ourselves hoarse at them until we change their mind.

But, of course, minds cannot be changed when they are determined to live in a state of irrational dislike. In Judaism, this way of thinking has a name: שנאת חינם (sinat hinam), or baseless hatred. It's a parasite with no definite cure, and it makes people bend over backwards to justify things like the massacre on October seventh, simply because the blame always needs to be placed on the Jews. 

So when a Jew is faced with this unsolvable problem, there is only one response to be had, only one feeling to be felt: anger. And we are angry. Carrying around rage with nowhere to put it is exhausting. It's like a weight at the base of our neck that pushes down on our spine, bending it until we will inevitably snap under the pressure. I’m still waiting to break, even now.

I wish I could explain to someone who needs to hear it that terrorism against Israelis happens every single day here, and that we are never more than one degree of separation away from the brutal slaughter of a friend, lover, parent, sibling. I wish it would be enough to say that the majority of Israelis (which includes Arab-Israeli citizens who have the exact same rights as Jewish-Israelis) wish for peace every day without ever having seen what it looks like. 

I wish I could show the world that Israel was founded as a socialist state, that it was built on communal values and born from a cluster of kibbutzim (small farming communities based on collective responsibility), and that what it is now isn’t what its people stand for. 

I wish the world could open their eyes to what we Israelis have seen since the beginning: that Hamas is the enemy, Hamas is the one starving Palestinians and denying them aid, Hamas is the one who keeps rejecting ceasefire terms and denying their citizens basic human rights. Hamas is the governing body of Gaza, not Israel. Hamas is responsible for the wellbeing of the Palestinian people. And Hamas are the ones who are more determined to murder Jews—over and over and over again, in the most animalistic ways possible—than to look inwards and see the suffering they’ve inflicted on their own people. I wish it was easier to see that.

But the wishing, the asking how can people be so blind, is never enough. I can never just say, I promise I don't want war. 

When I bear witness to this baseless hatred, I think of the victims of October seventh. I think of the women and girls who were raped and then murdered, forever unable to tell their stories. I think of the hostages, trapped underneath Gaza in dark tunnels, wondering if anyone will come for them. I think of Ori Ansbacher, of Ezra Schwartz, of Eyal, Gilad, and Naftali, of Lucy, Rina, and Maia Dee, of the Paley boys, of Ari Fuld and of Nachshon Wachsman. I think of all the innocent blood spilled because of terror-fueled hatred and the virus of antisemitism. I think of all the thousands of people who were brutally murdered in Israel, Jews and Muslims and Christians and humans, who will never see peace.

My ties to this land are knotted a thousand times over. Even when I leave, a part of me is left behind, waiting for me to claim it when I return. But when I see the grit it takes to live through this pain, when I see the suffering that paints the world the color of blood, I look to the heavens and I wonder why. 

I ask God: is it worth all this? He doesn't answer. So I am the one, in the end, to answer my own question. I say, it has to be. 

Feel free to send any genuine, respectful, and clarifying questions you may have to my inbox!

EDIT: just coming on here to say that I'm really touched & grateful for the love on this post. When I wrote it, I felt hopeless; I logged off of Tumblr for Shabbat, dreading the moment I would turn off my phone to find more hate in my inbox. Granted, I did find some, and responding to it was exhausting, but it wasn’t all hate. I read every kind reblog and comment, and the love was so much louder. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 🤍

Source Reading

The Whispered in Gaza Project by The Center for Peace Communications

Why Jews Cannot Stop Shaking Right Now by Dara Horn

Hamas Kidnapped My Father for Refusing to Be Their Puppet by Ala Mohammed Mushtaha

I Hope Someone Somewhere Is Being Kind to My Boy by Rachel Goldberg

The Struggle for Black Freedom Has Nothing to Do with Israel by Coleman Hughes

Israel Can Defend Itself and Uphold Its Values by The New York Times Editorial Board

There Is a Jewish Hope for Palestinian Liberation. It Must Survive by Peter Beinart

The Long Wait of the Hostages’ Families by Ruth Margalit

“By Any Means Necessary”: Hamas, Iran, and the Left by Armin Navabi

When People Tell You Who They Are, Believe Them by Bari Weiss

Hunger in Gaza: Blame Hamas, Not Israel by Yvette Miller

Benjamin Netanyahu Is Israel’s Worst Prime Minister Ever by Anshel Pfeffer

What Palestinians Really Think of Hamas by Amaney A. Jamal and Michael Robbins

The Decolonization Narrative Is Dangerous and False by Simon Sebag Montefiore

Understanding Hamas’s Genocidal Ideology by Bruce Hoffman

The Wisdom of Hamas by Matti Friedman

How the UN Discriminates Against Israel by Dina Rovner

This Muslim Israeli Woman Is the Future of the Middle East by The Free Press

Why Are Feminists Silent on Rape and Murder? by Bari Weiss

[deadbeat-motel]

ᑕᕼEᖇᖇIᗷOᗰᗷ ᗩᑎᗪ ᔕIᖇᑭEᑎTIOᑌᔕ ᖇEᗪEᔕIGᑎ

The last two designs for the main cast. With these two done, I can finally work on miscellaneous characters that I've been eyeing the most.

Again, thoughts below the cut:

My issues with their Original designs:

Sir Pentious:

I thought I would only have one thing to say about him (the unnecessary eyes) since he was my favorite in the entire original cast but having taken a closer look at him for this, I saw a lot of things that bothers me.

Too many eyes. specifically the lower half of his body has too many eyes and it seems detrimental to him. It's kind of painful to think about it since I do not think we ever see those eyes close. Is he just slithering on the ground with those exposed eyes? That's got to be irritating at best and damaged at worst as he continuously slithers on them.

There are eyes on the bowtie and the hat? There are already 4 extra eyes on his hood, so why have even more? I get that the original Pentious design was basically a monsterous amalgamation of eyes but the eye thing could have been scrapped altogether.

While his palette was the least red out of the cast (More so composed of yellows), it still blends in with the rest of the reds.

The claws are an unnecessary repeating design trait (Alastor and Vox notably have them too). I don't think it would've been too big of a difference to just keep his fingers fully black.

The stripes on his suit are too thick. It's called pinstripes for a reason.

I don't like how the hat is shaped to fit the head, It's awkward.

not a point, but I just wanted to say how the blue color palette works really well with him in that last episode.

CherriBomb:

She's not that bad of a design (She's sort of bland in my opinion) but it's the little small details about her that makes her so simple and also so complicated at the same time. There are so many batches of freckles scattered everywhere, little explosion lines on her skirt as well as the X on her chest, the tattoos are a jamble of random loops and bombs, and her tattering doesn't have an easy shape to consistently draw.

The thought process for these two:

Mx. Pentious:

Pentious goes by both Sir/Miss/Mx. but uses she/they pronouns.

Minimized the actual amount of eyes on her, I kept it only to her actual eyes and those on her hood.

Gave her a butterfly-shaped hood. It's nothing deep since it stems from the fact the notches in Sir Pentious' hood almost looked like one to my bad eyesight. I decided to play more into that idea.

I read some posts where people talk about how Sir Pentious should have a snout and while I understand why and fully support people giving him one, I really didn't want to add the snout to this design. It drove me crazy since I'm not a big fan of it. I tried a compromise where her head was shaped more like Phineas.

Kept the tophat but removed its eye and mouth. If I remember correctly, Viv took that from one of her co-workers from the pilot. I decided to just have it as a regular tophat.

It doesn't have all the colors, but her design does have the Neptunic flag.

I'm not sure if this even is a real snake but I based Mx. Pentious' design on this:

CherriBomb:

Scraped most of her features in exchange for a sukeban theme. I personally have zero knowledge about the punk scene in Australia.

A majority of the suggestions I received for her rough draft had something to do with the skirt. I elongated it and gave it a slit in which the magenta from the inside is able to pop out.

Thought it would be a cute detail to have her hair explode if she's angry.

----

Apologies this took too long to be posted, Life got in the way as well as the fact I was feeling shitty about Pentious' first draft. Her skin was an awkward and ugly shade of green and seeing some posts critical of Pentious' design got me to think a little bit more about what direction I'd like to move her redesign.

You could see this in the earlier rough sketches but this was how Pentious' first redesign looked like

[schwarzkatje]

ellie hates you. part 2

a/n: gosh i sure hope you like it depraved. go here for part 1

"fucking coward".

yeah. that pretty much sums up how ellie feels about herself.

"stupid fucking coward".

correction. guess the list just goes on.

the way she had just stormed out of your cabin after eating you out like she had never done to any other girl and after having set her intentions straight, was more than enough material to earn herself such a title.

and by the way, what had her plan been exactly, mh? humiliate you? perhaps, even hoping for some kind of disgust elicited in you? maybe... a little resistance? she had hoped you would have loathed it and instead she got an hungry kitten in heat with moans too high pitched to forget and a pussy so creamy she regrets not having slapped it to see some droplets of juice spurting.

the more she spirals down the black hole that is you, the more she is torn between the overlapping of the ever so present series of events that just occurred, and those which she swears is willing to feed her pride to the first demon she would summon to have them happen.

if only she hadn't been such a pathetic hypocrite, that is.

thus, there she lied. on her bed, alone, with your taste infiltrating her mouth and all her other senses as though you involuntarily tormenting ellie during every goddamn second of her daily life and routine was news.

she had fucked up so bad. so, so fucking bad. for this reason, she may as well let everything go downhill and dance on her own shattered pride and dignity.

with the first hand that responded her instincts, ellie finds herself massaging her crotch through her boxers. closing her eyes adds to the depravity, and thus she goes for it.

her scent is palpable, so much so that her wetness pales in comparison to the strong force with which it hits ellie's nostrils.

and certainly her mind doesn't sit back and let the sheer sensations do all the work. not when it is the most efficient and powerful and filthy tool ellie has.

with such a rotted brain she wastes no more than two seconds to recall how you had sobbed wetly, lips recollecting what was left of your sanity with the sole purpose to beg ellie to keep going, to keep on licking you, to continue her punishment.

but not only that. as ellie discards her underwear and draws confused circles on her clit, she furiously squints her eyes, as though this would accelerate the process of creating even more mental images of you.

and that is how ellie starts tracing the outline of a draft for the continuation of before, once that never happened because of her cowardice. a continuation which involves ellie raising to her feet, flipping you over the counter while hoisting one of your legs to have your pretty hole spread beyond shame.

a scenario full of hair pulling, spanking and even more tears, even more degrading words to which you nod because deep down you know how much of a dirty slut you are and how you need a woman like ellie to remind you your place.

an imaginary alternative to the past that has ellie taking full advantage of your overexposed position to let her own pussy collided against yours, perfectly taking in the shape of one another.

her own clit screaming to meet yours again and again and again until it becomes impossible to distinguish which one of you is closer to madness.

despair is ellie's primary driving force and the responsible for her brutal grip on you hips, deprived of free movement and obliged to follow her pace, the one ellie oh so lucidly wanted to maintain then and there.

her clit doesn't stop fucking your pussy from behind and you can't decide if what is making you roll your eyes the most is when the throbbing bud meets its twin or when it almost gives the illusion of penetrating your moist hole.

ellie will have to wait for another masturbation session to decide how you are going to act and which one of the two options is making you come undone in her fantasy because she is now convulsing on her own hand, while her head contorts in an unnatural position.

but that is all ellie can aspire to do when you and now she too are sabotaging her stupid fucking coward self.

[avelera]

Avelera's Dreamling Fic Status Update:

Keeping Sanctuary (subscribe for updates here) - Giving Sanctuary Sequel follows Dream and Hob from the events of the altered meeting in 1689 up to the modern era. (aka, What if they hooked up after the 1689 meeting?) Current word count: ~7,000 words across several chapters. Realistic progress update: 1/10 complete total, Ch. 1 is about 1/5 complete.

(The rest are below the cut!)

Come live with me and be my love - Dream and Hob fall in love during the Regency Era when Dream loses a bet to Desire. Shenanigans ensue. (aka, What if they hooked up after the 1789 meeting?) Ch. 16 is at 2,500 words, probably about 1/3 done. Current plan is to wrap up Part 1 in the next few chapters then create a part 2 which finishes out their "1 year of marriage" on a month by month basis instead of following them day to day like Part 1 done. Probably won't be a separate fic though, just a change of format.

This Rough Magic - My take on "Hob rescues Dream from Burgess" with a twist that Hob ends up on Burgess's radar himself when he picked up some occult magic skills in the hopes of contacting Dream after 1889 and apologizing. Now he has to pretend to be friends with Burgess in order to get them both out of there, because Burgess thinks Hob can help force Dream to give him immortality. (aka, What if they hooked up after the 1889 meeting?) Ch. 9 is about 800 words in. Story is still very much in progress I just have a lot of WIPs, as you can see.

Joke's On You (I'm Into That) - The 1589 meeting goes very different when Hob proposes to Dream, who is so offended that he just can't let the matter go. A very angry, very horny competition kicks off between them. (Aka, what if they hooked up in 1589 when they were both at their absolute worst as people?) I have literally 40,000 words written for the rest of this fic. The problem is, there's big gaps in that first draft I have to fill in and scenes that need to be added. This might be my favorite WIP but it's also the hardest to write with all the smut scenes so it'll arrive whenever I can manage, I'm afraid.

Banana Daiquiris Ch. 2 - Comic-canon compliant (mostly) - Dream fakes his death to go on a vacation with Hob and Destruction. They end up in Tahiti. Destruction plays matchmaker. Hob doesn't know whether to thank Destruction or strangle him. Current word count 6,000 words. I've been playing around with adding on to this fic for ages. One of these days, I'll pull it all together.

Great Triumphs and Tragedies - aka, "Dream Accidentally Cursed Hob with a Normal Life" Fic - Dream learns that from 1689 on, Hob's life has been safe. Too safe. Improbably safe. Nothing bad or extraordinary or even terribly special has happened to him since Dream began to consider Hob his friend. He knows this because during his imprisonment, Hob's life became exciting again and suddenly went back to normal the day Dream was freed. Hob is not convinced that Dream is the reason for this, Dream disagrees. They talk about it. And fight about it. And some things that they've probably needed to talk about for a long time finally get said. (aka, sometimes the author just needs to write their weird headcanon into a 20,000 word fic that's almost entirely dialogue). Current word count: 19,000 words and about 80-90% finished. I'm hoping that posting what I've got will help push me through the final stretch.

And for fics that haven't been posted anywhere yet (you can subscribe on my Ao3 author page for alerts about them):

Hob Amesia Fic - Dream and Hob are dating officially now in the 21st century when Hob gets hit with what seems to be a memory loss curse, shaving off 100 years of his life each day until Dream finds a cure. This effectively grants Dream a walk down memory lane as he is reacquainted with the Hob of each era and, in the process, learns how much longer Hob cared for him than Dream ever realized. Current word count: 35,000 words. Currently writing 1489 (1889-1589 are done) and I might re-write the opening. It genuinely kills me not to have this one posted lol.

"Fairy God Marlowe" - 1589 fixit fic where Hob and Kit Marlowe strike up a conversation while Dream and Shaxberd are talking. Hob and Marlowe talk about plays, and faith, and salvation, and queer love, and what it means to live forever. Hob gets a second chance at a first impression. Current word count: ~5,000 words. Sadly, it's all dialogue in script format. I'd need to convert it into prose to publish which would be a slog. So it's a bit shelved until I find the energy to do so. No, I will not post it in script format, I'm allergic to the thought.

I've got a few other concepts kicking around, but these are the ones that actually have (*does a quick calculation*) over 100,000 words written that I haven't had the chance to post yet?? And it's driving me insane????

Anyway, I should probably pin this post for those curious lol. Feel free to ask me any follow-up questions, I love talking about WIPs even as they ruin my life!

[garaksapprentice]

Sewing Zero Waste Culottes from The Craft of Clothes

Zero Waste Culottes From The Craft of Clothes

Behold! Fancy pants!

The pattern for these pants was one of my Christmas gifts. It comes from Liz at The Craft of Clothes, a zero-waste designer. I've really gravitated towards self-drafting and zero-waste sewing in the last couple of years, and this pattern has been on my list for a good six months, so I was excited to get into it.

Drafting

The first step (after reading the pattern through twice) is drafting the pattern pieces.

My biggest starting hurdle was deciphering "the culottes are designed to sit on your waist" when choosing the correct pattern size. Most designers consider "the waist" to be the teapot - that is, the true waist. (It's easiest to find if you bend to the side and stick your hand in the crease - like you're singing "I'm a little teapot".) But some consider belly button height to be "the waist". I generally wear my pants at the latter height, and there's a good 2" circumference difference between those two for me.

I eventually decided to call my belly button my waist, on the grounds that that's where I prefer to wear my pants. It's also easier to take seams in than out, if I guessed wrong.

Decisions over, it was smooth sailing from there. Pattern drafting is not a technically difficult process, as long as you have good instructions, and Liz's patterns definitely fit that bill. But there's a lot of attention to detail required to make sure the end result is good. That sort of thing always makes me nervous. Fortunately there was only two pattern pieces to draft, and they're 98% straight lines and based off rectangles.

Interestingly, this is the first zero-waste pattern I've tried that has you draft pattern pieces to use. The others I've seen (most by the creator of this pattern - our library had a copy of her book, Zero Waste Sewing) have had you draw directly on your piece of fabric to create the layout. (In fairness, I didn't have to draft my own pieces. The pattern came with the option of self-drafting, printing on A4, or printing on A0.)

I much prefer the direct-draw method to faffing about with pattern pieces. But given that this pattern is designed to have the pieces tesselate, having a set of physical pattern pieces does make more sense. It's also got me wondering if I could successfully make a pair out of old jeans legs, using one leg per pattern piece. But then, I'm always looking for ways to use up my denim pile...

Sewing

I prefer structure rather than flow in my butt coverings, so I was somewhat limited in my fabric choices for this first pair. (I know the fabric I really want to use, but I am being a sensible apprentice and trying things out on a nice-but-less-hideously-expensive fabric first.) Most of my stash acquisition has focused on stuff for shirts, since I wear those out faster than pants. I eventually settled on this nice brick red, 100% cotton, table cloth.

The picture is suffering from sun exposure. It's nowhere near this bright in person.

I laid out the pieces and huzzah! The fabric was just big enough! ... But only if I unpicked the hems (they're monsters, a full 3 cm/1.2" each side) and ironed them flat first. Thus, it was time for a marathon unpicking and ironing session.

After that was done, I checked the pattern fit again. Huzzah! I had enough space for all the pattern pieces, and not very much scrap left over once I'd cut them all out. (Of course, it was late and I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have been, so I didn't add an extra inch when I was forced to cut the waistband in two pieces. There was enough extra fabric that this was only an annoyance and not a complete disaster.)

The fabric at the top is scrap. All but a few inches of the stuff on the right became waist bands and plackets.

Sewing was a fairly straightforward exercise, though it required enough brainpower that I completely forgot to take any progress shots as I went. Almost every step of the pattern comes with a diagram to show you what to do, which helped me immensely. So did having the seam allowances specified at each point, as there's three different ones used in different places.

That's not to say I didn't screw up, of course. While sewing the crotch seam, I somehow managed to close up the front of the pants entirely and leave a gap for the placket open at the back. (That will teach me not to double check the direction the pockets are facing before I pin and sew that seam. Maybe.) 

I also made a highly decorative and completely awful to sew with choice for topstitching thread, which I quickly became too stubborn to stop using. So the topstitching is, uh, not great. But it is purple and sparkly, and if I'd had any sense at all I would have left it til last (or even done some sort of hand embroidery with it).

I was tricked by the first line of stitching being so easy. LIES. It was all lies.

Why should I have left it til last? Because it turns out that the culottes are, in fact, designed to sit on one's true waist. Which meant I had a two inch difference between what I needed to fit me, and what the waist measurement was. If I hadn't top stitched the panels, I could have simply ran another line of stitching down the seams that didn't have pockets in the way, and taken the waist in without much fuss or bother. Unfortunately, I didn't do that, so I was left with two choices.

Take out the topstitching and take in all the panels, bitching and moaning about the effort I went to and the number of times the topstitch thread broke while I was sewing the stupid sparkly goodness onto things.

Work out how to take the waist in by the necessary two inches, using only the crotch seam and maybe some darts or pleats or something.

Choice #1 would have been the logical, rational decision, so of course I went with option #2.

An hour and change of basting, pinning and unpinning the waistband, and completely forgetting how seam allowances work later, I managed to get a fit I was happy enough with. I ended up grading in a dart-like object at the centre back. (If I decide later that I'm not happy with the fit after all, I'll try out the modification for adding elastic to the back waistband that the pattern also includes. Probably while questioning my life choices and lamenting the amount of time I spend with a seam ripper in hand.)

The original stitching line is in blue, the new one is in black.

After all that fitting woe, I wasn't in the mood to try buttonholes (my good machine, the one with the automatic buttonholer, is currently out of action). Instead I dove into my snap stash to close the placket.

I love using bright, vivid colours for inner details. It's the sewing equivalent of wearing leopard print underwear.

A nice bonus of using the snaps is that I could put them through just the placket, leaving the fly front clean. This did make the placket pull slightly when I'm wearing the pants, exposing a trace of bright red. I fixed that by invisibly whip-stitching through the placket and outer fabric to hold everything in place. Next time I'll also double check the understitching, and topstitch the edge if needed, before installing the snaps.

Field Test and Adjustments

Trying stuff on as you go is all well and good, but nothing tells you what you really need to fix like being out in the field. I quickly discovered several things:

The waistband needs serious help to stay where it's supposed to be. Which, y'know, I did make a size larger than I should have. This was not surprising.

The crotch needs to either drop a wee bit or (preferably) rise a couple of inches. The latter will likely spoil the skirt-effect somewhat, but it will be far more comfortable for my legs.

I need a loop on the waistband to hold my keys.

For the waist woes, I had a few choices - 1) belt loops, 2) suspenders, or 3) add elastic to the back waistband. Belt loops are fiddly to make and sew on, but would solve the key-hanging issue. Suspenders technically wouldn't need any sewing changes, but the clip-on style are notorious for pulling off when you're doing things. And while the pattern includes instructions for adding elastic to the waistband, I wasn't confident it would do the job I wanted (I stick a fair amount of junk in my pockets and elastic can't always cope with the weight).

After some dithering, I went with the suspender option for this pair. I like the look of them, and the "floating" effect they give when they pull the waistband a bit above where gravity wants it to sit is extremely comfortable. But I didn't want to deal with clips always popping off. So I indulged in a quick side-quest of improving my suspenders, then sewed buttons into the waistband of the culottes.

This used to hold the clips, but the wire was easy to bend flat with needle-nose pliers.

Gee, I wonder which buttonhole I did first?

Fashion Show

Overall, I'm quite happy with how it all came together. I'll definitely be making at least two more pairs - the "men's" version (less flare in the hems), likely out of recycled denim, and a pair in heavyweight stash linen.

The back panel adjustment is basically unnoticeable.

They have great range of movement - maybe I need to make a workout pair?

And I even have somewhere to hang my keys.

This post was originally published on my blog, Garak's Apprentice . I currently syndicate my content at Micro.blog, Tumblr, and Ko-Fi.

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[helenvader]

Get to know your fic writer!

I have emerged from my writing hiatus, but I'm horribly stuck, so this game might be refreshing. :) I am not the author, I stumbled across it and told myself why not.

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[stayevildarling]

Hey! I am really enjoying reading all of the works you have been posting lately, you are such a great writer! I actually had a request if you happen to have the time? Maybe a fic with Delia, Mina, Billie, and reader where Delia uses magic on reader and accidentally hurts her in the process. Then maybe some angst between Mina and Delia because Mina is very overprotective and Billie tries to deescalate their argument? But also happy ending? 

Cordelia Goode x Wilhemina Venable x Billie Dean Howard x Reader- As the gods will

A/N: I completely forgot this in my drafts 😅 it's a bit of a short one but I didn't want to drag it on

word count: 3.3k

tw: mention of smoking, mention of blood (mild), angst, arguing, fluff at the end

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker, @billiebeanhoward, @lanawinters-ily, @kenzbro, @minaslittleone, @httpfiftyshadesofgay, @whitelotus00, @ninaahs, @vintagepaulson, @isle-of-earle, @paulsonsratched, @stepintomyworld, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly, @lucyintheskywithxanax, @fanfics4world, @mymiraclewitch, @hazard-to-myself, @awritersometime, @ohrwurm26, @wastdstime

As Billie Dean returns home, she feels a buzz of excitement rush through her, finally at home after a long week of working, filming the last bits, mostly promotion for the upcoming season of her show. With the upcoming weekend, she had decided to treat her girlfriends to a little something, opting for a quick shopping spree after work, managing to pick just the right things for the three of you. And as the front door closes, she notices how oddly quiet it was, of course it being Friday meant most of the witches had left but she is surprised to find neither of you downstairs as she brushes past the kitchen and the living room.

,,What the hell have you done?'' Wilhemina's voice rings through the air, so loud that the medium could hear it from downstairs. Abandoning the shopping bags and kicking off her heels, she is quick to run up the stairs, with a sense of urgency, before finding a very unusually quiet and guilty Madison in front of Cordelia's office. ,,What is it?'' Billie asks nervously but quickly leaving the blonde behind, figuring she wasn't going to get any answers out of her.

What Billie Dean had missed was a very busy and uncomfortable Friday, some of the younger teenage witches testing Cordelia in a lot of ways, especially Madison on her nerves all day, teasing her and pushing her buttons. She had been that stressed and tense with her workload that she had even asked you to keep her company. Cordelia enjoyed nothing more than have you close but whenever things got a little hard and stressful she retreated to her office, dealing with it in silence, before calming herself down enough to join you three again and spend time with you. However, today she didn't feel like being alone and so she had asked if you minded sitting in her office as it was your day off and of course you didn't mind, happy to keep her company.

And despite there not being a whole lot you could do, other than regularly make her some tea, offer to make her some lunch a while ago or occasionally walking over and giving her shoulders some relief, as your hands gently massaged her, ridding her off the tension slowly. Nevertheless, your girlfriend appreciated it, appreciating to have her little sunshine close as you gave her the motivation to finish the few tasks she had left on her agenda for the day. A while ago you had made Cordelia and Wilhemina some lunch, taking it to Mina's office as she thanked you with a sweet gentle kiss, telling you she was almost finished for the day, before returning to the supreme's office, where she took a break with you, offering you to sit on her lap as she fed some of the lunch to you, her eyes sparkling with love and adoration, the tension almost gone.

When the door opened without knocking a while later, watching Madison enter so carelessly, you knew this would escalate things further. Cordelia and Madison had an odd connection, the younger witch often pushing the supremes buttons, but despite it all you could tell that your girlfriend cared about her wellbeing deeply and you also noticed how in times of trouble for the coven, Madison always stuck to Cordelia and the academy, despite only being loyal to herself usually. You swallowed hard, seeing how she walked inside with a cigarette hanging from her mouth, knowing Cordelia strictly forbid smoking inside after Fiona. And it surprised you when Cordelia didn't even look up from her laptop, simply continuing to type away and roll her eyes, quite aware who was interrupting the peace and quiet.

,,Alright I'm off to that party, so the four of you can have this place all to yourselves'' she muttered, almost nosily inspecting the supremes office, barely acknowledging your existence. ,,Give me a break Madison'' was all that Cordelia had said before waving her hand a little with the pure intention of making Madison shut up and leave her office. However, Madison knew better and so she quickly dodged the magic, and as the invisible force looked for the next life-form in the room, her magic had made you flying to the nearest wall behind you, causing for a loud thud to follow. And the thud was so loud that even Wilhemina had heard it, considering that same wall was connected to her office. And with furrowed eyebrows, she decided to investigate, wondering what the supreme and you were getting up to in there, her heels echoing through the academy ever so quietly.

And when she caught a glimpse of Madison, lingering by the door, a guilty expression on her face, she entered, watching as Cordelia typed away on her computer, thinking that all was well for a moment before noticing your frame on the floor and her eyebrows furrowed then before her voice rings through the air ,,What the hell have you done?''. Cordelia finally looks up, seeing Madison lingering by the doorway behind the redhead before her eyes travel to you in shock. She is quick on her feet, abandoning her work and kneeling beside you. ,,Oh my god'' Cordelia exclaims before taking your head into her hands as some blood pours from the back of your head, assuming that must have been from the impact. In panic and shock she meets Wilhemina's eyes, begging for her help and forgiveness at the same time.

,,Little one?'' Wilhemina tries gently but the pain is so severe that your eyes remain closed, despite aware of your surroundings and what had happened. With hands as quick as light, she hovers them over your head as you laid on the floor with your stomach, only your backside faced to them. And as Billie finally enters, watching the scene unfold in front of her, Cordelia already has the wound healed as the blood and any evidence of it completely vanishes. And finally you manage to open your eyes, composing yourself and trying to get up, still feeling a little shaky on the legs. However as you do, you notice a strange sensation, the inability to speak and looking at your girlfriends, you see the shock in their features. Cordelia's intention wasn't only to send Madison across the room but also to be quiet and so she had casted a spell which would assure just that.

However, as the magic travelled to you, Wilhemina and Billie watch in shock as their most precious thing is missing a very important feature, your mouth. ,,Cordelia what on earth?!'' Wilhemina's voice rings through the air again as crippling panic sets in on the supremes features as she begins pacing around the room after failing to rid you from the spell, her nerves playing up and causing her magic to get a little sloppy. Despite being the most powerful witch and supreme, this could happen, despite being rare. The blonde loved you three so much that the thought of seeing either of you hurt almost killed her, let alone when she was the reason for just that, despite that not in the slightest being her intention.

Unaware of what exactly is happening, panic equally kicks in as your eyes widen, pathetic sounds getting blocked in your throat as they had no way to leave you. As Billie walks closer, noticing your beginning panic, she tries to hold onto your hands, noticing how warm they are as your chest rises and falls quickly as you begin hyperventilating. ,,Cordelia fix this now'' Wilhemina demands, her voice raised, her overprotectiveness setting in as she couldn't stand to see you hurting. ,,I can't.. I've tried'' the supreme huffs as she continues pacing, trying to calm herself down in order to make this go away. Billie noticing the tension, leaves you for a moment, before walking over to Cordelia, placing her soft manicured hands on the supremes cheeks. ,,Calm down love'' she tries, ushering the supreme to follow her breathing. ,,That's it'' she praises before her eyes begin pleading with her.

,,What is this spell called darling?'' the medium tries gently, before Cordelia closes her eyes, slowly feeling calmer. ,,Perpetuum clausis'' she breathes out, still trying to focus to keep calm, not once looking at you as she couldn't stand the sight. ,,Okay honey, you can reverse it?'' Billie questions, very much hoping she could fix it considering she loved the things your pretty little mouth could do. ,,Yes'' Cordelia nods, closing her eyes before flicking her wrist. A painful mixture of an exhale, inhale and scream follows as it all returns to normal. Wilhemina moves even closer to you, taking your shaking hand into her own, her heart beating angrily against her chest. ,,Are you okay little one?'' she asks, ignoring the presence of the other two. Her main concern your wellbeing and safety right now. And all you can do is nod as your throat feels like it is on fire, your head still pounding in pain, still feeling as if you couldn't use your mouth for anything but breathing.

,,Sweetheart, I'm so so sorry'' Cordelia tries, finally walking over to you and trying to pull you into her arms. But she is stopped by Wilhemina who protectively hovers, placing herself in front of you and physically stopping the supreme. ,,Don't'' she hisses, her eyes and words filled with venom as Billie anxiously watches the scene unfold. ,,Don't touch her'' she carries on and you can't do or say anything as your body feels on fire. ,,Come on'' Wilhemina ushers, taking your hand and leading you out of the room, leaving behind a heartbroken and guilty Cordelia.

It doesn't take long before the tears stream from her beautiful features, Billie frowning seeing her girlfriend like this. ,,Sit down honey'' the medium tries, taking a seat on the sofa next to Cordelia and taking the supremes hands into her own. ,,What happened?'' the blonde asks confused, still not fully understanding what had happened and hoping the supreme would fill her in so she could fix this and help. It takes a while for Cordelia to find her composure again, but seeing Billie so compassionate, she eventually calms down. ,,I had no intention of hurting her'' she begins wanting to make sure that much is clear. ,,I know darling'' Billie coos as she tilts her head a little. ,,It was Madison..'' Cordelia sighs, remembering how the witch had tested her most of the day. ,,I wasn't even trying to use my magic on Madison, I just wanted her to shut up and leave us alone'' she explains trying to recall the events.

,,I guess when I tried to dismiss her with my hand it must have triggered my magic'' she carries on, the words now flowing freely without holding back. ,,And I'm assuming Madison dodged it and it hit..it..'' but she doesn't get to finish as tears return and Billie is quick to wipe them, understanding now what unfolded. ,,Come here'' the medium ushers and Cordelia hesitates, feeling stupid for being coddled after causing you pain, thinking about how you deserved this more as of right now and how she wanted to do nothing more than hold you like this. But she gives in as Billie pulls her forward and into her arms.

Meanwhile, Wilhemina had taken you to her office, ushering you to sit, the door banging shut in the process, as she takes in your features. You seem utterly calm given the circumstances but the redhead worried with how quiet you had been. ,,Are you okay?'' she asks, while walking away for a moment to fetch you some water. All you can do is nod, unable to talk as it still feels like the word are caught in your throat. But obviously she couldn't see your nodding and as she returns she simply looks at you, her eyebrows furrowing before asking again ,,Little one, are you okay?'' her voice now a little firmer as she hands you the water, worry washing over her. And when you nod again, she scans you a little further, and by the way she stares at the water you can tell she wants you to drink some and so pathetically you try with shaky hands but it all comes straight back up as you choke on it, your throat burning.

Wilhemina watches in shock and a sense of horror, not remotely understanding what was going on and how Cordelia's magic may have caused some serious harm and damage. ,,Can you talk?'' she tries again, trying to search your eyes. And all you can do is shake your head, scanning the room before standing up, finding a piece of paper and a pen on her desk. You look at her for permission and she nods before you write down ,,It hurts''. And as her eyes read over the words, she sighs heavily. ,,Okay little one, how about we get you some rest?'' she offers and you simply nod as she offers to take you to bed but you shake your head, your eyes wandering to her armchair and if you could speak, you would have told her how you didn't want to be alone, how you wanted to stay with her as everything was scary right now and the only safe thing was her. She nods despite not understanding and watches as you curl up in a ball on her purple armchair. All she can do is watch in sorrow before walking over, placing a blanket gently over your shaking body and when your eyes close, she opts to sit by her desk, near enough to be able to see you and keep an eye on you.

As the redhead silently sits and watches, her thoughts go back to what had happened, knowing deep down that Cordelia would and could never cause you any harm intentionally. She judges the way the supreme must have miscalculated her steps, Wilhemina perceptive and smart enough to figure out that it was aimed at Madison, that witch clever enough to dodge it. And a small part of her knows that it was probably due to how agitated Cordelia was today and how Madison must have provoked her and how the supreme probably didn't even want to use magic but it probably came natural, as she knows Cordelia wouldn't use that sort of magic, especially not when you are nearby. But she can't help and feel anger nevertheless, seeing you still shaking on her chair, only a small part of her able to understand how painful this must be. The redhead would die in a heartbeat if it meant protecting either of you three but there was always something about you, maybe the fact that you are younger than her and maybe she wanted to protect you from it all, often unsure whether being around the witches especially the younger witches was smart as they certainly got up to things that Wilhemina wouldn't approve of.

And while fighting her internal battle, a part of her wanting to forgive Cordelia and simply take care of you, the door knocks as Billie had suggested checking on you both and Cordelia hesitantly agreeing, knowing that there was going to be a raging storm as soon as Wilhemina's eyes would meet hers. But she needed to check on you, to see that you are okay, that this didn't traumatise you, that this didn't make you scared of her. Wilhemina simply watches as the door opens, Billie's head poking around it, frowning as she sees you curled up so comfortably. She enters after Wilhemina nods, giving her permission to do so but her eyes draw away from the door as soon as she sees her other blonde girlfriend walk in, her features filled with guilt and regret and cheeks stained with previous tears shed. ,,Is she okay?'' Billie asks a little nervously, kneeling in front of you.

,,No'' is all Wilhemina can say as she holds the note to the medium, who hastily takes it, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion as she looks at the supreme, who simply stands frozen a few steps away from them. ,,She can't speak still?'' Billie Dean asks and Wilhemina simply nods avoiding Cordelia's pleading eyes. ,,Cordelia, is that normal?'' the medium asks anxiously, placing her hand on your cheek and stroking it gently. The supreme doesn't hesitate before speaking ,,Unfortunately yes, it may take a while for the pain to go''. The admission is so painful that it brings tears to her eyes again, unable to believe she had caused you pain. Billie is quick to get lost in her own world a little, all she can sense as of right now, you and her as she gets lost looking at her adorable babydoll, watching over you protectively, making sure your breathing is normal.

Meanwhile, Cordelia kneels in front of Wilhemina, trying to get her to actually look at her but the redhead is having a hard time. ,,Mina darling, please let me explain'' she practically begs but the redhead is having a hard time as her stubbornness had reached it's peak point, her walls built up high, threatening to lose herself in a battle of protectiveness over you. ,,I didn't mean to hurt her Mina'' Cordelia tries again, her voice gentle as her hands rest on Wilhemina's knees, trying to ground them both. ,,Don't you think I know that?'' the redhead suddenly hisses as her emotions get ahold of her and something within her snaps. ,,How could you have been so careless around her, you should know better'' Wilhemina carries on, her statement causing for a sharp pain to burden Cordelia's heart.

,,I know, I know'' the supreme admits, tears welling up in her eyes, before she takes a deep breath. ,,I wasn't trying to use my magic, on either of them, I wouldn't have done that to Madison either, despite her having it coming'' she explains, more to herself than the redhead as she had given up hope of her girlfriend forgiving her anytime soon for this. But then something within Wilhemina softens up, maybe the confirmation that Cordelia's magic just took over, maybe the genuine forgiveness in her voice or maybe just the love Wilhemina has for this woman and you two. The thought crosses her mind how if the redhead was a witch, she would send people flying across rooms all the time, whether that being intentional or not. And so, Cordelia suddenly feels a gentle squeeze on her hand that still rests on her girlfriends knee. And as she looks up, she sees forgiveness in the redheads eyes through her teary vision and it causes her to choke on a sob. ,,I'm so sorry'' she repeats, the crashing weight of guilt slowly dropping from her shoulders.

,,De...Delia'' a very quiet broken whisper fills the room and three heads instantly snap in your direction as you had woken from the broken nap. ,,Sweetie'' Cordelia coos, instantly on her feet and walking over to you. Sleep had certainly helped as the pain from your head was mostly gone, your throat feeling less on fire and the ability to talk finally returning. ,,Are you okay? what hurts sweetie?'' the blonde asks, her voice tinged with concern and worry over you. ,,I'm okay Delia, promise'' you assure, some words still coming out broken but much better than before. ,,I'm so sorry sweetheart'' she cries now, but you are quick to sit up a little and wipe her tears.

Billie's eyes travel towards Wilhemina as they watch the scene unfold, both feeling relieved and a little at ease to have you talking again. And slowly the tension fades with each passing minute, the academy silent as you manage to shush Delia's quiet sobs and wipe her tears. ,,Well I'm certainly glad we fixed that, considering what that pretty mouth of yours can do honey'' Billie jokes, causing the four of you to giggle, even Wilhemina's low chuckle ringing through the air.

[dawnbreakersgaze]

Been following along with Budding Romance (🌟 star anon from before) and I just thought of "I won't let you take her away from me Jeremiah" possessive Xavier turning into, wait no "I won't let her take YOU away from ME"

First off 🌟 Nonnie, I love you and your brain. It's beautiful. I smooch you both 💋💋 (and your other ask is in my drafts bc im writing stuff for it!)

GASP! I almost forgot my obligatory @skynapple tag bc she deserves to know how much her fic has changed the brain chemistry of our side of the fandom lol.

SECONDLY- Xavier realizing he's about to lose Jeremiah, who's been with him through what is likely hands down some of the worst moments in his life? I can definitely see that causing some panic.

Roxie and I talked here about Xavier being very resistant to change and how, while he might not realize his dependency on Jeremiah on a conscious level, subconsciously, that's the one person who's been a constant in his life since they left Philos. Even if it's something you hate, humans still NEED consistency to be happy and healthy (both mentally and physically). You might hate getting up at 7am every day, or going to work, but living a life of pure chaos (or existing in pure apathy) just doesn't foster growth and recovery.

So once he realizes that MC might drive a wedge between him and his ONLY support pillar? The singular source of consistency in his life since they arrived on earth? The one person he's been able to count on for any normal conversation where he didn't have to pretend he was someone/something he's not? That would be terrifying. That would be devastating.

Xavier KNOWS Mc will reincarnate. Xavier knows she'll be back. He's lost her at least twice before, likely thrice, maybe more. That is a pain he's dealt with and learned to come to terms with. He's got a spot on his shelf for that pain and grief and processing.

He's never lost Jeremiah. Of all the Backtrackers that have left their cause, died, or outright betrayed him, we as the players know that Jeremiah has remained at his side the entire time, and that definitely means that Xavier is more than aware of it.

The saddest part is that I don't think he'll even realize all of this at first, and I definitely don't think it's his conscious brain either. This is something that likely comes to him in a dream, where he wakes up in a cold sweat with his heart racing as he flies out of bed, light sword drawn in his hand before he's even realized what he's done. Something that rattles him so deeply that it takes him a solid minute just to settle, to sit at the edge of his bed and calm his breathing with his head in his hands as he grapples with the discomfort of realizing just how attached he is to the both of them, but to Jeremiah specifically.

He is damaged and broken and unhinged. But so are shooting stars and comets.

[skzdreamz]

Birthday Sex - Seo Changbin

pairing: dom!Changbin x fem!reader warnings: alcohol consumption, pet names, oral receiving (reader) word count: 1.5K

a/n: I’m so sorry for keeping you guys waiting :( my school deadlines are killing me and I was too tired to finish this along with my other SEVEN drafts I’m still working on💔 but I’ll try my best to publish them as soon as possible. I hope you enjoy this one in the meantime

~

you and Changbin have been gym buddies ever since you came up to him to ask him for help. he was just doing his basic routine when you noticed him. you were starting your gym journey and had no idea where to begin. what better way to find out than walking up to this buff and handsome man?

after a long period of time of him being your personal trainer, you started to hang out besides the gym as well. you really liked his personality. you found out he was actually very bubbly and loves being all cuddly and sweet to the people he cares about most.

even though you got used to him being so touchy with you the whole day, something was different today. he was even more eager to help you with your squats today. he held you by your hips for support, even though you both know that you don’t really need that. he insisted on helping you, so you didn’t even try to fight it.

you were almost done with your last set of squats when you felt his hand slip to your ass. his fingers touching your cheeks softly. you didn’t really think much of it, since he was just trying to help you. but when he rests his hands on your ass, with no plan of moving his hands, you couldn’t help but think about all the things he could do to you with those hands.

even though Changbin was always so friendly to you, you couldn’t help thinking of him in a not so friendly way. he was the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen and his personality makes it even harder to not fall for him. you try to shake off the thoughts. after you finish your last reps, you turn around to face him and you’re faced with his dark eyes.

you feel your panties already starting to get embarrassingly wet and you can’t help but rub the thighs together. you immediately see his eyes travel down to your legs as you do so, embarrassment washing over you instantly. you look at the ground and fidget with your fingers trying to come up with something to say, but he beat you to it.

“no need to get all shy now baby” he smirks. you look at him and regret it instantly. his dark eyes piercing into your shy ones. your usually outgoing persona flew out the door to moment you met his eyes.

he takes a step forward, his face inching closer to yours. you hold your breath, too scared to even breathe his air. you turn your head in embarrassment, but he grabs your chin and makes you look at him. he brings his face even closer. lips barely touching, as he whispers “I think workout time here is done”

he let’s go of your chin and starts walking away to grab his stuff. you can’t believe what just happened. still struck by the moment you stand there with your eyes wide open. you watch as he finishes packing his stuff and getting ready to get out of the gym. “see you tomorrow for your birthday?” he winks at you.

you can only nod at him. you stand there for a few more minutes, processing what had just happened. were you hallucinating or did he just try to make a move on you. you shake off the thought and tell yourself to not overthink it too much. Changbin has an outgoing personality and loves to tease you, so it’s probably nothing.

~

the next day you’re getting ready for your birthday party. you invited some friends over at your place to celebrate. everyone seems to be enjoying their times after arriving at your place. you’re happy to see everyone having fun.

you walk to the kitchen to get another drink. as you were about to pour the vodka in your cup, you get startled by a voice calling your name, making you spill the vodka on your dress. you turn around and see Changbin walking up to you. “sorry I didn’t mean to scare you birthday girl” he chuckles as he grabs some tissues to clean you up.

flashbacks of your little moment at the gym are coming back to you when you feel him wiping away the alcohol on your dress. “I think I just need to change into something else”. as you turn around, he grabs your wrist. “no we’ll fix it, let me help you with that”. you give him a quick nod assuring him it’s fine to follow you to the bathroom.

as soon as you’re both in the bathroom he locks the door. you’re too focused on getting the stain out of your dress to notice him walking towards you. he takes your hand in his. you look up at him with a confused look on your face. “you’re so pretty you know that?” he smiles at you. you don’t know if it’s because of the alcohol, but your whole body starts feeling warm and tingly after hearing him say that.

he brings his free hand to your cheek, softly caressing it. “can I give you a present?” he asks, his gaze on your lips. you feel your cheeks burning up even more. “y-yeah.. sure, don’t you want to give it to me downstairs? I think my friends would like to see all the presents as well” you chuckle nervously. “I don’t think they’d want to see this one” he smirks.

his words shoot right down to your core, making you rub your thighs together. he steps impossibly closer to you, his mouth right by your ear. “I’m going to touch you now, you don’t mind, right?” you hear the smirk in his voice. you grab his face bringing his lips closer to yours. “please”

he wastes no time picking you up and putting you on the sink. he kisses you passionately before traveling down to your jaw and your neck. his kisses are gentle, but the lust is evident. you reach for the hem of his shirt, signaling him to take it off. he brings his face back to yours. “you want it off?” you nod shyly.

“I would make you work for it, but that’s for another day” he lifts you off of the sink, putting you back on your feet. “strip for me” you immediately take off your dress and panties leaving you butt naked in front of him. you feel relieved that you have a bit of alcohol in your system. you were sure you would feel embarrassed standing there naked while he’s still fully clothed.

“you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to see you like this” he caresses your waist, admiring your whole body. you smile like an idiot hearing those words from him. he gives you a few more kisses before picking you up again. you wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck, keeping him close to you.

he backs you up against the wall. his now hard cock rubbing against your naked cunt. all you can hear is heavy breathing and groans from both you and him. you don’t have to worry about people hearing you, because of the loud music coming from the living room. and you couldn’t be more thankful, because the groans that are slipping past his lips are the most beautiful sounds you’ve ever heard.

you bring your hand down to your cunt, wanting to rub some circles on your clit to relieve the frustration growing in your body. Changbin notices your hand going down and immediately pulls away from your lips. “come on now baby girl..” he says as he let’s his eyes wander down to your hand that’s now covering your cunt. “.. that’s what I’m here for” he smirks.

he puts you back down on your feet. “hold onto me, yeah?” you nod, excitement rushing through your whole body. he starts kissing your neck and traveling down your body. he stops just at your hip. Changbin looks up at you, trying to search for any discomfort. he takes it as a sign to continue once he feels your hand reaching for his locks. he grins and immediately plunges his tongue in your cunts.

his tongue is lapping up all of your juices, making you moan out loud. you mentally thank yourself for putting on some loud music for your friends. the grip on Changbin’s hair is getting tighter and tighter the harsher he starts sucking on your clit. your hand pulling on his hair makes him groans into your cunt.

you feel your high approaching quickly and you’re sure your legs would’ve given up on you if Changbin’s strong arms weren’t wrapped around your thighs. your eyes rolling to the back of your head as you feel your orgasm ripping through your whole body. he guides you through your orgasm, stroking your thighs sweetly.

you don’t even notice Changbin now standing in front of you again. your eyes still closed due to the intense orgasm. he strokes your cheek softly making you open your eyes. you’re met with his loving gaze and you can’t help but connect your lips against his for the nth time that night. time seemed to stand still kissing him so sweetly and being engulfed into his big arms. you’ve never felt this safe.

after what felt like forever, you separate your lips from his. placing your hands on both his cheeks and giving him a quick peck on his nose. he scrunches his nose and flashes you his bright smile that soon changes into a grin.

“there’s another present in your bedroom, wanna check it out?”

~

taglist: @softyoogi @felixs-voice-makes-me-wanna @sillyrabbit76 @luvshuu @stray-kids-smut1246

[justheblueberry]

the process of binding a study in scarlette:

SO. i had a Vision for this fic, right from the start. so many new things i wanted to do and almost no idea how to do it. but let's start from the beginning, shall we?

i usually don't do anywhere NEAR this amount of brainstorming and designing but the fic has so many motifs and details that i knew i wanted to fit in, so i had to draw it all out and piece everything together.

here are a few of my behind-the-scenes brainstorming notes:

this was the very first brainstorm i did, it was basically me flinging a bunch of cool book stuff i saw other people doing at the wall and seeing what stuck in my brain.

this was an idea for a cover which incorporated symbols for each of the chapters inside the branches, but i just wasn't fond of the execution of the draft. so i scrapped it, eventually settling on the silhouette cover for the final.

i had big dreams! and not much experience to back it up with ! so after finishing the typeset, i put it aside for a bit and did a couple other binds first.

this was my second brainstorm, i started to figure out the direction i wanted the illustrations to go in, no longer aimlessly tossing vibes around!

i did a lot of waffling about different versions of the back cover design. here's a couple that i scrapped!

over the summer, i decided to finally stop procrastinating and printed out the typeset (after making a few revisions to it). it's a Chonk. i pressed it some, which helped, but it definitely still had a lot of swell.

sewing with red thread.

endpapers cut, glued, and a glow in the dark paint test.

built a press...up til this point i'd just been stacking a bunch of thick books on top of my binds, but for this one i needed a lying press to sand my edges, so i finally caved. who needs tools? my edge painted book needs tools :(

sanding edges with power sander

so. this was my first time doing anything with edges, so i did a little test on a book i already had; it was a bit of a process trying to work out how much i should dilute it, and it took a bit of trial and error. doing the bottom edge first was the right call ^^;; it's the flakiest out of all the edges on the final bind. i'm really happy with the fore edge though, i got a really even and nice coat on it.

rounding, gluing and (an attempt at) backing

so. it was the day before i was moving. i had run out of time to procrastinate any more. the rounding was quite rushed and i barely backed it at all. there was also the fact that i don't have backing boards and was winging it with absolute unfounded confidence. it still turned out okay though so i got away with it!

dug out a 5 yen coin from who knows where for the bookmark. didn't have pliers with me yet so i had to close the crimp with a metal water bottle and arm strength. who needs tools right

endbands. i love sewing endbands, but man, for chonk fics it gets Long. i think they each took like 2-4 hours to do. i briefly considered learning double core endbands for this bind but decided against it as i barely just got a handle on regular ones. discovery: my ambitions have limits!

this was my finalized cover design. i had planned to do it all with htv, but last minute decided to do the silhouette as a linocut instead. i'd never done one before but i had the materials and the fearlessness that only a beginner (who does not know the limits of fear) can have; i think it turned out good :>

the final stretch!!!! it was at this point, when i realized that the size i'd carved the linocut at would be too wide for the half binding case i had planned. improvisation time. i decided to switch from a regular case binding to a three piece bradel. i have only done case bindings and stab bindings at this point...and with only mild panic and stubborn hubris to fuel me, i went for it. i had already attached an oxford hollow and cut my boards, but it probably wouldn't make too much of a difference! fuck around and find out!

cutting the cloth and adhering the htv. the summary on the back was HELL to weed, and some of the letters ended up crooked. i should've just printed it letterpress, but i was running out of patience.

i followed DAS bookbinding's tutorial on youtube of his in-boards three piece bradel and the part where i had to tuck in the spine cloth in between the hollow was definitely the trickiest, but it went okay in the end!

after attaching the boards and gluing down the endpapers i was finally done!!!! after months and months of the unfinished textblock guilting me from the corner of my room, it's finally finished! fancy pics coming soon!

i learned SO MUCH from this bind, sanding edges, painting edges, linocuts, multiple colors of htv, oxford hollows, and a whole new style of binding....yeah. it was a ride! thanks for reading to the end!

[wildjuniperjones]

Juniper’s Massive World-Building Resource List

(Shamelessly cribbed from a dozen different sources)

1. The Checklists

These are the kinds of things that present you with a list of questions about your world, that you then answer as creatively as you want to. I find myself continually having to go back and add to them, because goodness sometimes I just want to write and not think about stuff that isn’t directly relevant to the plot...until it is. And then suddenly I have to think about the ramifications of that.

CRV’s Worldbuilding Checklists (originally from btot.de) - obviously more fantasy-focused Patricia Wrede’s Worldbuilding Lists - a good balance between fantasy and other genres

2. The Masterlist

This link has nearly everything you can think of. It’s not the be-all-end-all, because nothing is, but it’s damn good.

r/Worldbuilding’s Resources List

3. The Visuals

Yes, there’s the ever-present AI-generated images, things such as Artbreeder or Wombo Dream, but sometimes you need something more concrete. Like maps. Or people.

Also, pay artists to make beautiful things whenever you can. AI art is designed to remove the actual humanity from the creative process, and while it’s fine for face claims or inspiration, I would never ever use it as, say, my book cover.

Alsoalso, learn a little something about graphic design. Please. Color theory. Rule of thirds. I beg of you.

Things I have used for maps:

Inkarnate - Browser-based, but almost entirely fantasy-focused

Wonderdraft - Large-scale mapping for countries/continents/worlds

Dungeondraft - Smaller scale mapping that shines when doing smaller areas, especially interiors (both ‘drafts are from the same creator, and are desktop only) There is not, as of yet, a Towndraft, although the community is ravenous for it!

I highly recommend the art packs from Cartography Assets, although if you’re going to use them in a commercially released work, do be a good human and pay the artists for their work! If you want to do sci-fi or modern maps, this is where to get your assets!

Things I have used for people:

HeroForge - A 3D tabletop miniature creator with a vibrant modder community. The free version lets you create as many figures as you want, but their Pro deal lets you organize them into folders, which I absolutely love. It also lets you save specific colors/materials to use across multiple figures, which saves a lot of time when creating folks with a shared uniform. You can even import people/outfits/poses from other figures! I’m told that facial feature modification, clothing patterns, and kitbashing are coming this year! (I’m a little addicted, as you might’ve noticed.) Best on desktop, but you can get a quick “sketch” done on mobile.

Picrew - A truly massive collection of portrait creators. The Discord associated with it is really helpful, in that you can frequently get links to creators that meet your specific requirements, like ‘must have elf ears and POC skin tones’ or ‘must have heterochromia and vitiligo’. This site got me through the roughest parts of 2020. Great for mobile.

Meiker.io - Similar in scope to Picrew, Meiker has a few treasures, including a lot from the now mostly defunct DollDivine, which relied entirely on Flash. There are a few that I return to again and again, but not many. Best on desktop and very easy to create your own creators.

Neka.cc - A Chinese-based site with a lot of similarities to Picrew, although a lot less diversity, both in skin tones and bodies. Great for mobile.

Storior gets an honorable mention because it has a ton of potential, with a lot more options in some respects, but precious few in others. Best on desktop. Can you tell I really love these things?!

4. The Organizers

It helps to have somewhere to store all this information, right? Preferably in an easily accessed database? Perhaps with links or prompts?

These are the ones I’ve used:

World Anvil - Browser-based, incredibly detailed and complex, even for the free version. I found it to be too complicated to figure out, but maybe it’ll be your cuppa!

Campfire - Browser-based, mostly focused on writers, and has a suite of options that you can opt into or out of. This also wasn’t as useful to me, since there’s nowhere to put an outline!

Kanka.io - Browser-based, and just this perfect sweet spot between bare bones and overloaded. There are specific modules you can enable or disable, like in-universe calendars, dice rollers, character journals, etc. It’s my preferred option for organizing my world-building, outside of things like Google Docs.

I also understand a lot of writers like using Scrivener for their work, but as I have Linux, I don’t have any experience with it.

5. The Rest

So, a lot of world-building comes down to how well you know our world. I love world-building because it means I get to use all my education and interests together to create something that feels realistic to my readers and players. This is a time when ADHD is absolutely useful! Chase those squirrels! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve ended up reading an article on, say, rivers, only to end up with an idea for how leylines function in my world!

So here are my top 5 recommendations for figuring out how our world works:

Sociology! - If you want to know how different cultures interact, why certain customs come about, or just how a population reaches a decision, learn about sociology. It’s probably my favorite subject, and most useful to very culture-focused world-builders.

Geology! - If you want to know how your world fits together, what it’s made of, where things like mineral or gem deposits might be or how they might form... in addition to how rivers, lakes, and “strange” geographical features form, geology’s a great place to start.

History! - Okay, maybe this one is cheating, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read about something in history and thought “what if it went this way instead?” BAM, there’s a premise for you. (I have an entire novel idea built around that, told mostly through a writer interviewing a famous figure in this alt-history for their biography. After seeing the popularity of Dracula Daily, I almost want to release it like that...)

Ecology! - Oh man, if you want to figure out the botany and zoology of your world, ecology is a great place to start. It builds very nicely off of geology, and covers such a broad range of topics and how each of these pieces interact with one another - like how hydrology affects meteorology affects climate affects plant distribution affects animal distribution... which of course then affects culture!

I’m going to be sacrilegious in the eyes of some of my fellow world-builders here and NOT put linguistics - not because it’s not useful, just because it’s not a field I know much about. Instead, I’d suggest looking at world myths and religions. Yeah, it’s technically part of sociology, but if you’re developing a world from scratch, the creation stories that the sentient species tell themselves can inform a lot of their culture.

For instance, the world that Starcrossed, Amongst the Goblins & the Fishes, and The Silver Hand are all set in is an alternate Earth where magic never left the land. The creation myths in this world are much more centered around humanoids living in harmony with nature, rather than dominating it. In fact, some of the human societies have a specific taboo against desecrating the earth that is taken to such an extreme that other species, like elves and dwarves, occupy that niche instead, acting as stewards of the forest and mountain because they don’t have that same taboo. Part of these myths explain the existence of ley lines, and why they wither and die out (because of excessive logging, destructive farming/mining, or large-scale slaughter of creatures). Will this ever come up in Starcrossed? I highly doubt it. But it figures into the other two VERY prominently.

Phew! That was quite a tangent. Anyway - did I get any of your favorites? Do you have something you’d like to add? Should I make this all a separate page so it’s easy to access and update it regularly? Tell me things! Ask me things! I am an open book and love talking about world-building! Tell me where you’re stuck and maybe we can figure out a way forward together! (Also hmu on Discord, I am so mediocre at Tumblr.)

[nocturnalazure]

📩 Simblr question of the day: Do you have a process for making your simblr posts?

answer in whatever way is most comfortable for you and feel free to share this SQOTD around, make sure to use the hashtag SQOTD and tag me in separate posts ~ 💛

This question was contributed by an anon in @simblr-question-of-the-day !

Thank you so much for your ask, Anon! ❤️

I gotta say, I had first understood the question at a very basic level. 😅 How do I make a post? Well...

I queue my stuff almost immediately and I keep a few character asks and reblogs for the times when I don't have any story content to post, but I don't like having too many drafts (like, "it's right there, I have to poooooost iiiiiit 🤪").

Story posts get published between 2pm and 4pm CET, at the pace of about 2 to 4 posts per day.

The rest (photo shoots, character asks and rambles, etc) gets published either at around the same time of day or whenever I feel like it.

But now, I see that other people have answered this question by explaining their creative process. So I thought I would also explain mine (haven't I done this before?). My process is quite similar to @kimmiessimmies, but I do things in a different order.

Timeline

I have a timeline and a very messy one! It used to be only in my head, then in a Word document, and now it's finally in an Excel sheet. It includes detailed ideas about the next scenes, where I'm going to shoot them, which characters are going to be involved, some lines that I absolutely need to use, and broader musings on where the story is going within a time frame of about 8,000 years.

It's a beast that's alive and constantly mutating.

2. Set up

Setting up a scene is easy prep work. If I don't have one in mind yet, I roam about some neighborhoods for a nice shooting location. I make sure that everything is in place for the next scenes: dressing up Sims, adding some story-related decor items, looking up CC if I miss something important, making sure I got all the characters I need in the same household and teleporting them on the lot I'm going to shoot in.

3. Pose selection / Shooting

Whenever I can summon enough energy and inspiration, I go in game and the first thing I do is pre-select some poses for the scene I need to shoot according to my timeline. From there, I go with the flow. I need to be hyperfocused because I'm in total improv mode. I use several poses in different angles. Sometimes a specific pose/expression gives me new ideas and I go in a different direction than what I had planned. Sometimes I cannot find the exact pose/expression I want and I have to work around that. Sometimes I'm inspired, sometimes I'm not. Very often, the game crashes and I get very upset.

The dialogues start taking shape while I'm shooting.

4. Picture selection / Writing

When I have enough screenshots to write at least one scene (although I generally wait to have several scenes ready), I start writing and make a prayer to my muse that I'll remember the dialogues I had in mind while shooting. That part is both the best and the worst. The best because I can really get "in the zone", and the worst because I easily have writer's block and get stupidly stuck on a line.

Through this whole process, I use Comic Life. I select a pic, smash it into my story template, select a speech bubble and start typing. Rinse and repeat. I sometimes rewrite entire parts, changing the order of the pics. I use about 40% of the shots I take. I do very little editing, only to correct clipping or lighting. Once I feel like I have enough pics to make an update (about 150-200 - I often have to repeat steps 3 and 4 until I'm satisfied), I export everything from Comic Life in jpg format. My husband is my proof-reader. I hate re-reading my own shit at this stage because it's smeared with my tears and blood and I just want it out.

5. Posting on Tumblr

Next I prepare the Tumblr posts, adding tags and scheduling everything. I post a preview, usually a day before the queue starts. Maybe I should leave some more time between preview and first post, but I'm too impatient to wait. IT.MUST.BE.OUT.

6. Posting on WordPress

I used to prepare the WP draft post at the same time as the Tumblr scheduling, with a date set for publication on the day of the last Tumblr posts. I don't do that anymore because I make minor edits all the frigging time and I then need to update both my Tumblr queue AND my WP draft. So I prepare my WP post once my Tumblr queue has almost run out. Since I use my WP mostly for myself, to keep some sort of table of content, it wouldn't be a big deal if I ever forgot to publish and was a few days late.

Voilà!

Like I said, a lot in common with my fellow Sims storytellers but in a slightly different order! I hadn't intended to write a whole essay, yet here we are. 🙃 Apologies, I'll shut up now. 🤐

Thank you again for the ask, Nonny!

[greenerteacups]

I’m not sure if you’ve specifically answered this before, but how long did it take you to outline, research, and prepare the foundational meat of Lionheart since it’s such a sprawling saga with threads for so many characters? Did you have it all mapped out before you started writing? What about shorter pieces like The Climb and the latest, delightful The Death Eater Diaries?

The series outline for Lionheart I wrote on one bleary, rabbit-hole of a day in the summer of 2022 when I was definitely supposed to be doing something else, and after that, each book took me between 3 days and 2 weeks to outline completely. The later books have taken longer because of their length and the number of threads — the series has a way of getting wider as well as longer, and for the last two books, I sometimes got a bit grumbly about how many characters pop up in every novel. As for research, most of that will happen before or during the outlining process; I'll have a copy of the book on-hand to check plot details, but for the most part I try to work without flipping back to the text, to avoid copying beats or stylistic choices unless I have a thematic reason to. I also use HP Lexicon and fanwikis while I'm editing for content, though when I'm drafting I make a real effort not to switch out of the tab for any reason, because it breaks flow. I'm sure I have missed some details despite my references, but c'est la vie; JKR had to do continuity edits in subsequent edition releases for several books, so at least I'm not alone.

For The Climb, I wrote the first chapter in the raw, then went through and blocked out the second two in an outline at the bottom of the document. Very very broad strokes there — TC is different from Lionheart because it's a slice-of-life tone piece, so there's not as much plot to be done. It's a novella conceived for the sole purpose of exploring one particular relationship, so the plot came secondary to the things I wanted to highlight about how that dynamic worked. It's a character-forward piece, to borrow culinary terminology, and outlining for character is a lot easier than outlining for plot. (For me.)

The Death Eater Diaries emerged almost fully-formed from a Tumblr post I made joking about the sort of ludicrously awful decade Narcissa experiences. The hardest part of outlining was nailing down canonical dates. Stuff like how old Andromeda was when she got pregnant, when Bellatrix got married, when the members of the previous generation died, all that's unspecified — but it's also all functionally constrained to a narrow window of time, if you take in where the characters are at certain other parts of the story, so you can't just say anything. It was very fun to write, though. Doing so also stressed how hilariously short the timeline on the Black family collapse actually is. Between 1971 and 1981, they go from a two-branch family with an heir, a spare, and three healthy daughters -> completely extinct in the male line, two of its descendants disinherited, two imprisoned, one missing, presumed dead, and Draco Malfoy's mom.

[kaenbl4ze]

Hi! I just reread Read You Lima Charlie for the millionth time. It's probably one of my favorite SEAL Buck fics, and I've combed through the whole tag multiple times. I know it's a bit of an older fic, but do you have any plans on continuing the AU somehow? I'd love to read more of that AU or hear your headcanons if you have any!

Hello hello! Thank you so much, you have no idea how excited I am to hear that! Please do feel free to ask any and all questions about the AU or my headcanons and I'd be more than happy to answer <3

I know it's been a hot minute (sorry heh work and life got a bit hectic) but I do have a draft of a fun little sequel sitting in my google docs which I've been writing on and off. Alas I am a perfectionist and also a slow writer so it's been in limbo.. BUT it is definitely there and almost done and will come out at some point! I hope!!

In the meantime thank you for reading and asking about it and being so patient and i love you so here's a little sneak peak action scene from the draft:

[tw graphic depictions of violence, blood/gore, death]

“Where’ve you been?” Steve’s eyes did a quick sweep over Buck’s body, analytical, checking for injuries. Noticed Buck’s empty hands. “Where’s your rifle?”

“I was doing the laundry!” Buck replied through gritted teeth, eyes wide with exasperation.

He looked back around the corner of the building as Steve spoke behind him; soldiers dragging off the wounded away from the blast site, his teammates spread around with the other troops and suppressing the flow of insurgents, a few enemy fighters slipping through the gaps in fire, spraying bullets into the base in wide sweeping arcs before being shot down. 

“I don’t have a sidearm to give you. Head back to the armoury, grab your shit – give Command the sitrep on your way.”

Buck hummed in the affirmative, still scanning the combat zone, and was about to turn around and heed Steve’s instruction, but at the last moment caught sight of a combatant sneaking around behind a stack of crates. Slung over the man’s shoulder was a rocket launcher, and time seemed to slow as he swung the weapon around, gripped it tight, and levelled it at a cluster of infantrymen.

Buck saw red.

“Buckley!” Steve hissed, clawing at Buck’s sleeve in an attempt to stop him from sprinting towards the stray tango, but Buck slipped through his grip. He was too fast. Too focused. The last thing he heard was Steve muttering under his breath, “I swear that Kid is not right in the head.”

Planting a foot against a wall mid-run, Buck used his momentum to bound off and vault one-handed over the crates. He was airborne for half a second before colliding with his target in a spear tackle, bringing them both tumbling to the ground. The launcher clattered across the floor, and the two men engaged in a tangled mess of hand-to-hand combat.

Buck channelled his silent rage into the fight – got the large man into a grapple, caught an elbow to the mouth in the process, twisted the man’s arms as he yanked at Buck’s clothes. Buck had no gun. But he remembered, belatedly, that he did have a knife. Regrettably not one of his fixed-blades, but a folding knife that he had slipped into the pocket of his shorts a few days ago while rearranging his loadout. It would have to do.

The guy was a dirty fighter, strong, but he was sloppy. Poorly trained. More holes in his form than swiss cheese, and Buck fully intended to exploit them.

Buck ate a punch straight to his nose; didn’t let the sharp flash of pain or the momentary blur in his vision slow him down. He lunged straight for the opening in his opponent’s stance that he knew would be left undefended, torquing body mass and manipulating limbs to get the man into a one-armed chokehold against Buck’s chest. He quickly reached into his pocket with his free hand, flicked the lever to deploy the blade, and plunged it deep into the man’s neck right where Buck knew his jugular rested. 

With a jerk of his arms, simultaneously pulling the knife towards himself and twisting the man’s head away, he was met with a spray of hot blood and a wet gurgle.

Steve rounded the crates with his weapon raised right as the body dropped to the ground with a dull thump. Buck hung his head, catching his breath from the exertion and letting the blood from the blows to his face drip from his nose and dribble out of his mouth. He ran his teeth over his bottom lip to cut off the string of bloody saliva, then spat out the viscous mess into the sand. Beside him, Steve strode forward, glanced down at the body, and exhaled sharply through his nose.

In his peripherals, Buck caught a flash of movement. He whirled around instinctively, and in the same motion whipped his arm and let the blood-slick knife fly out of his hand. 

Two bullets from Steve’s rifle landed at the centre of the combatant's chest just a moment before Buck’s blade hit its mark, buried up to the hilt in the hollow of his throat. The man stumbled, eyes wide, and collapsed to the ground as his legs buckled beneath him. His weapon flew out of his hands in the fall, and his momentum carried his body a couple more feet before it finally slid to a twitching stop.

Buck straightened, scrunching his nose tentatively and sniffing. A deep buzzing sensation underscored the cacophony of battle around him, heartbeat steady and powerful in his core, fingertips thrumming with energy, vision crisp and vibrant. He blinked. Then, he turned to Steve, nonchalant.

“I had that.”