#( honestly tho I think this what I'll do )
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after two years i finally draw the favorite
#my art#still learning honestly. idk how to explain it but some medias youre so fixated on and obsessed with u instantly want to draw everyone#for me dunmeshi has always been the opposite. series and characters i enjoy sm i cannot bring myself to pick up a pencil#for some reason. it got a lot worse once the anime started airing idk. simply forcing myself to get some of my energy out. in a way#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi#thistle#dunmeshi thistle#thistle dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#>_< series i was into since late 2021. yet u wouldnt know that unless u follow my side twitter account. sowwy ig#i do this with a lot of franchises honestly. cannot bring myself to draw even if i think abt the characters constantly. ie skip to loafer#u will nvr catch me calling this guy sissel sorry. save that name for Mr. Ghost Trick. another thing i. also. dnt talk abt. which i adore#i need to get better at talking abt and expressing myself for the things that i enjoy. ive been wanting to draw laios for a good#while too but im scared. for some reason. u-u should nvr let a white man do that to me honestly.#for now i'll thistle tho. maybe we will get kabru namari or mithrun next from me >_< i have to talk myself into it#i think the closest way i can explain why i cannot bring myself to draw for some series is that i dnt want to mess up somehow#like 'ilu so much [character] what if i cnt draw u the way u deserve even tho i love u sm what if its not enough.' <- leaves it to sm1 else#tbh [scratches head] i prefer the version with less coloring ^-^ but i realize the one thats more colored would get more eyes on it... hm
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some quick ghost!Roach, don't look at the anatomy too much I'm fighting art block
#cod mw2#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#gary roach sanderson#ghostsoap#soapghost#soaproach#ghostroach#ghostsoaproach#accidental necromancer soap and ghost roach au#ghost is barely fazed at this point like ok johnny should definitely see a therapist but honestly? that just makes him hotter#and soap is like 'everyone thinks i'm insane 😭'#and roach is like 'i hate to break it to you but i don't think sane people see ghosts'#soap : 'wait do you think i could have just imagined all that - imagined you?'#roach : 'how tho you never knew me alive'#soap : 'i'll have you know i have an awesome imagination and btw that's exactly what someone i've imagined would say'
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Rosawatts, from memory (Patreon)
#Doodles#To The Moon#Neil Watts#Eva Rosaline#They ✨#I ended up making the To The Moon series of games my over-breakfast show for a while haha#I got through them all surprisingly fast! It's amazing what a bit of breakfast does for the focus haha#I had ideas for them but then I got distracted! Damn! Another time#Still gonna talk about 'em tho lol <3#Mostly Neil-related honestly haha - a big long silly joke that takes so much context pfft#So that one trope of self-aware anime protagonists - either the type to try to hide the specific thing that makes them The Chosen One#Or changing themselves into The Chosen One by adopting a feature that points to it - think dying hair#Born with weird hair? Protagonist - cover that up and become a normie; and it's inverse!#And then y'know the trope of the white-haired anime boy? The Redshirt of anime? Lol#I just love the idea of Neil being ''born with white hair'' and dying it his normal brown and confessing to Eva#And her countering back with ''Thank goodness you don't have white hair I never would've accepted your confession if The Tragedy''#While Neil is just Sweating lol#It's funnier in images gah I'll get to it someday!#For now I'm just happy to have added them to my list <3 I do love them hehe#I enjoyed Imposter Factory so much! The montage at the end had such beautiful pixel animation#And even seeing a simulacrum of them happy makes me happy <3 Bittersweet like the rest of the series :)#Good lads <3
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the biggest downside of new interests is the urge to cosplay. or buy merch in general. but especially cosplay bc i'm going to 2 cons and have cosplays planned for both of them i DON'T NEED TO DRESS UP AS DENJI.....
#i fall into the cosplay hellhole randomly#i'll be all fine and dandy and suddenly be hit with 'wanna play dress up' and AHHH YES I DO !!!!!#i just lovw cosplaying..... i wanna buy a wig for a denji cosplay and GGRRAHHGHGHH . i wanna cosplay reki but i KNOW the wig would be hell#i could always go for 'fem reki' and wear the betty wig (which i need to work on that cosplay too....) ??? but#1) i feel like that would put me in the worlds oddest dysphoria#2) fem reki would Not have super long hair just Trust Me#i could always put it in a ponytail or smth ..... but like still#i will think about it tho#THAT'S NOT EVEN WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO THINK ABOUT. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THINKING ABOUT A DENJI COSPLAY#but i'm also wanting to get back into haikyuu and i would. quite honestly eat up a kenma cosplay#shout out to my haikyuu shirt ?? i just remembered that oh my god. i miss that . i wonder where it is#ANYWAY YEAH. wish so bad there were more conventions near me but alas. also if ur wondering i'm going as zuko to the 1st con#[my sisters gonna b azula it'll be fun] and as tsukasa [tbhk] to the 2nd#like i could buy 2-day passes and change each day but ?? honestly i just hit 1 or 2 panels and then shop so i feel like there's no point#alas
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...
#time to overshare! not saying i'm about to transition or anything bc honestly i've made peace with that fact that IF i am a woman i'm not#only that. but i do wonder sometimes like well what if i had a dick and a flat chest and were masculine and feel things and i don't enjoy#being called a woman.. even tho i do that sometimes and it's fine bc i know what i mean. whereas a random person calling me a woman or a#girl doesn't. but i just don't think i'll ever transition bc of several things and i do enjoy being feminine... i'm just not sure if i ever#felt included in Womanhood or gayhood or whatever. idk i hope in the next life i come back as a gay guy#NOT GAYHOOD IJBOLLL#girlhood
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This is honestly one of my favorite outfits now (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
#I can't get a good picture while standing up...#Like I can't get the full outfit in the frame ( ；∀；)#But these came out alright :3#My selfie#I wore short shorts despite the weather being what it was#People honestly don't know how much I do for them (showing my thighs off despite it being rainy)#I think the boots really bring it together but I don't wear them so much lol#Idk how long I'll keep this selfie up tho#I tend to delete them after some time
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"It is done, my Champion. When this world comes to heel, you will be my blade in the dark. Together we will remind mortals why they once feared the night."
Guess who just finished Mordremoth's Fang the other night. :)
#my posts#GW2#Guild Wars 2#sylvari#Ceara the Defiant#i WANTED to do a photoshoot in post-Vinewrath silverwastes#but nobody was running it because of the festival so rip#so instead you get this! which still looks cool i think.#i had to buy most of the jade runestones tho because i needed so MANY. man the second-to-last step is greedy lol#now i gotta decide what i want to do next... i have almost everything to complete the Predator (its precursor dropped for me a while back)#but i still need a bunch of onyx lodestones and those are.. pricey. oof. that's all i have left for it tho.#and i'd be out of Gifts of Exploration. + if i want to make another Aurene legendary i'll need to map complete echovald again (agony)#ah well. i'll cross that bridge when i get there#this was my big endgame. all my scarlets keep getting spoiled with legendaries LMAO (it's because they'd actually use 'em)#Aurene's Rending might be cool for Saoirse the Flame but i kinda like her just with the bioluminescent set tbh#and even though Pirkko has Aurene's Fang i honestly use Scarlet's Kiss (rifle) on her more than the sword rip#at least holosmith is kinda funny and if i kill things with the holoforge I GUESS it thinks i've swapped to sword and does the crystal kill#but maybe it just does that in general if you have them on a weapon swap because i could swear Saoirse did it once too. idk
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I've been a stay for 6 years, I've seen all the bad and the good things, and skz have been a really important part of my life. With everything that was going on, I decided to take a break from skz until this whole lose my breath era was over. Now I wanted to come back for their new album, but it just doesn't feel the same anymore. It's been months yet nothing has changed, they haven't apologized or addressed any of the concerns, they are still working with zionists. Their lyrics seems so meaningless now, this is from their new song "Head above the clouds, stand tall for the hell of it. Tower over crowds, don't pause 'cause I'm lovin' it. Heavy and I'm proud, backbone never suffering". In the past I would loved this song, but now them saying this while being silent about a genocide and happily working with zionists, just feels wrong. I know that one person leaving won't change anything, but I don't think I can support them anymore. As much as it hurts, it's time to admit that they really don't stand for what they used to.
anon i'm honestly on the same boat as you and tbh your feelings are valid if you decide to unstan it's truly okay bc i get you! truly i've been following everything going on and it's insanely sad that so many stays have been trying their hardest to make them know but all we get is silence. it doesn't help that jype is also trying to silence people too but you know it just sucks because there's no way they haven't seen it at this point there's no way they don't know their fandom is so divided over this ever since the lmb release. i wanna believe they are good people but it just so crazy they keep being tied to zionists or hanging out with them and it feels like a slap in the face every time i am not gonna lie and unfortunately, they aren't the only group that is silent rn and it truly makes me question all the people i stan at the moment and what their intentions are... like i truly sit here and think to myself what the really reality is! i can't be excited about things anymore because of how everything is looking rn. i knew i wasn't gonna tune in for this next skz comeback when the lmb fiasco happened because unfortunately it tainted everything for me and it's sad! i don't know what i'll exactly do either but since i'm so dead set on making things right and to keep pushing it i am sticking around for that because my interest in kpop is kinda slowly going away and it's sad. even tho i want idols to have better working rights and it's something that i will always bring up and, i'm very passionate about you could say, it's hard for me to stay knowing that these people are so comfortable being silent and it hurts to know this was probably the plan all along. the way when people started to bring up celebrities speaking up, people were already not including kpop idols with everyone else like... the group of people that should speak up and i think that was the moment that i realized how wrong everything is like how we expect them to essentially do nothing and not gaf about anything and that's messed up ESPECIALLY coming from groups like skz that have lyrics that are very much about rebellion and fighting back oppressive things and so on and it makes you really think that yeah maybe this whole shit was just a concept to them and they don't bring that into their real life. it just sucks atp i'm just venting i could go on because i have SO MUCH TO SAY i'm just now realizing i've been bottling this all up almost but yeah all of this to say that i truly truly get it and just know you aren't alone when it comes to feeling like this towards groups you stan because it's happening to a lot of people atm
#truly thank you for telling me this tho i do appreciate that#i have a lot of these convos with my mutuals on twt#and i'm just glad that other feel this way too and understand#because in this space they are people that don't think too much about this#and stan groups no matter what happens and it can make you think#like wow maybe i'm going crazy here??? i've had a lot of those moments these past few months#but as time goes by there are certain shit i can't ignore#and i think questioning yourself about your fave groups and what their intentions are and etc#should be a normal thing especially when it involves something SO serious#and i've seen this before and i'll say it again like i don't want people that i stan to speak up#because i want confirmation that they are good people#honestly i want them to speak up because it's the right thing#and these groups have a lot of influence especially groups from big companies#and can make a difference on that regard#it's just disappointing and sad that it has come to this tbh#asks#anon
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fun guessing game you get to have with your family when you're mixed: was the shit they pulled racially motivated or not
#they brought home a job app for me for a hibachi place#i am pretty happy with doing my cleaning + art tho and i don't really want to do anything culinary or food service related#i'd rather just get more hours again cleaning :/ idk i'll think about it but i don't handle time-pressure well#cleaning is good for me because as long as i accomplish the tasks i am okay and i can do them in any order i want#anyway i have to be careful though because if i go too long without 'working enough' for their tastes they start taking furniture out of#my room lol#thankfully i finally was able to buy most of my own furniture though during my job so the only things they could take now are like#the tv bookcase and fan#i guess they could take the computer too but they gave that to me years ago so it would be kinda weird if they did#i am a grown ass man but i'm probably not gonna be free from this shit until i can finally move out#gahhh it is what it is#i'm gonna text my boss on monday and see if there's any open buildings i could take for at least another day of work#if not then i'll pick up something random i guess#but i honestly like having more time/energy to work on my art even though being home more sometimes sucks#i might try to do longer days to make up for it?#idk. lots to think about.
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vent incoming:
got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!
#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester#and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself#(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months)#they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible)#vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished#but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview!#not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together#and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends#at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else#like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B#like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections#but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown#the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was#working on a project i loved!!!#due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai#so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass''#but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate)#it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously#i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter#i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender#and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like#''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do''#and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth#but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me#this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary?????????#like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent#in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!!#i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester#that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through#so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire
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ok i literally only did two prompts but thats it for now i will get to the ones in my inbox tomorrow ✌️✌️
#chronic pain rlly be like this tho#i hate feeling like i have to justify taking breaks like. its due to impostor syndrome honestly.#same w putting watermarks or dont repost disclaimers on my art#i didnt do it for a long time cuz i was like eh its not good enough for that#but like it doesnt matter if its good or not its still like... my art and i should safeguard it#what was i talking about again OH YEAH chronic pain#i felt kinda shitty for not being able to draw as much cuz my art feels more simple than rendered stuff#that ppl could churn out in a day#but like. im litrally physically disabled bro and also it doesnt matter how 'simple' i draw its still stress on my body#idk one person was mean to me and it made me sensitive lmao#anyway.... ill draw whats left in my inbox and then afterwards i'll be back to doing requests thru kofi#i did raise the price of my doodles but it is because of my arm pain im sorry if u think my doodles are worth less#but i am willing to negotiate if u genuinely cant afford it depending on complexity
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the reason why i was offline for a day was bc i was in cas editing mattodore and messing with my cas bg, yeah, but also... i found another oc ask game that i liked the questions for so i started drafting theo and matthias's answers for them....... there's 100 questions this time so i've just been like this in google docs
#river dipping#when theo's doc inevitably ends up passing 5k.......... let's not mention it let's simply not mention it#i'm also in spotify playing the respective mattodore playlists while hopping between their answers#i think i've just been listening to their playlists and renaissance and amir and <copingmechanism> for the last month straight#my top tracks and artists of the month rn are definitely a testament to that.....#succession season four soundtrack “action that” is also on there tho <333333333 love you kendall roy <3333333#anyway i have no idea how long it's gonna take me to finish answering these questionnaires for the both of them#but i really enjoy doing this... i said before that i've reread their last 60 questions posts so much i've started to memorize them#and i can tell it's gonna be the same for these questionnaires when i finish them like i will be pouring over them like a man possessed#whenever i finish them (bc i AM planning to spend all of my free time on them after this) i'll share them with updated character pics#so i'll have to go in game for that. i'll need to update their character pages entirely honestly they've changed so much in the last month#like physically#well not matthias....... kjfdvnkdfgjh but theo looks SO... not different exactly but like... he's evolved.#also their last character page pics are ugly kjfkvjhnkjfgh no offense to past me for trying to be cute and edit differently but lmao.#i'll redo all of the echthroi character pics too so can't wait to have 500 new gshade screenshots of the eight ocs i have for it#jackson and everett are still missing in action but it's fine. Whatever. i don't even care 🙄#<- me trying to manipulate my brain using reverse psychology so that it finally pops out a solid image of what i want them to look like
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Man is saying weird things to me again
#help mom he's oversharing about drinking scotch every evening#that's very on brand for Man#tales from diana#i literally did Nothing to reach out to him i don't know what he wants#i was just thinking in the shower literally not even half an hour ago about how you know it's strange#he used to always have this way of talking to me like he was trying to impress me which is just kinda silly honestly#like i was a 20-21-year-old in awe of him and he was a retired male model eight years older than me w more life experience#and some rather exotic and interesting experiences at that#i think he somewhat envies that i seem (at least to him) like a self-possessed 'intellectual'#thats how he talks to me at least. it's funny tho#not that im not. like. smart. i think the both of us know i'm better-read than he'll be in 3 lifetimes#and i'm not quite self-possessed but i certainly don't have the open-wounded insecurity he does#while also being rather more confident than most ppl in some areas (and it's not ALL unearned)#he's got much more ambition than i do though. more ambition than i'll have in 10 lifetimes#and he seems to do everything with a motivation of external validation and approval.#so i think he has a chip on his shoulder. poor little Man#the two of us could not be more opposite. but i don't really strive to be like him in the ways he strives to be like me#he chases this dream of what he thinks the perfect man is and it's quite inhuman so of course he falls short.#i on the other hand am if anything much TOO accepting of my own faults and shortcomings. ahem#these are all things i will never say to Man. he's too silly to hear it#besides. im rather sure he likes me (? in some way) and i am these days just very ambivalent to him#i can't NOT say i find him attractive bc i do but he's just. sooooo not the one lol#he's a fascinating creature all flaws aside but i never find myself studying him at my own volition#Man just comes outta the woods sometimes to tell me about his travels or women or whiskey. he's odd#he's very eccentric but between the two of us i think i'm the better eccentric. no wonder he visits me sometimes#but he brings gifts and prayers like he's coming to a devotional shrine or something. i'm like sir this is not a temple#he'll never be normal but he is so strange in the ways i'm too good for. if i do say so myself#(and that's saying something bc i'm not too good for ANYTHING)
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Getting closer, getting really close now I swear (Patreon)
#Doodles#Just Desserts#Villainsona#True Villainy AU#Just ignore how many times I've said that up to this point lol - I'm serious this time!#I always feel so bad designing TVAU outfits because Charm is always so miserable as a model haha#Could this be a contributing factor as to why it's taken so long?? No I enjoy drawing her like that lol#Made some design notes about the important elements of what I want for her True Villain look - more than just ''Her but Kaiein influence''#I'd still really like a nod to dragon scales of some kind but honestly her classic design is more that#Always going on about her spider theming how to make it dragony! It's the one thing I'm still hung up on lol#As for the rest I think it's Really getting close :) I got to actually turn her little ''shawl'' - I always knew it was Kaiein-related -#Into something that properly mimics his shape! It's all controlled by her tho it's not a part of his body - just magic-infused matter#Made to look like him so there's still that creep factor but it's more her body than his - she can control its shape :D#And I got to keep the jewels! Yesss - made it a motif! Now it's also on her hips and knees to break up her visual space yes very good#It's drips :) Y'know - like ink :) Finally figured that one out lol good job setting up my own symbolism me#And then some elegant drapey bits to match her ''shawl'' and continue to break up her space!! Yes! Good!!#I still haven't decided on a colour palette I think black and white is too obvious and too Kaiein but hmmm - she has a lot of colours#Lots of options to pick from but which is the Correct one - her hair would stay pink so maybe some of her pinks or purples#I'll play with some digital swatches later :)#I'm also so glad I could implement the hood design from one of the scrapped outfits ah <3 I love her in a hood she's so cute#I'm rather pleased with the way the spider web design breaks up her form as well - it's more subdued than the full bottom/shoes stripes but#It's also not very clear here lol the long ones that all the way down to her feet are the third from the center ignore that second one#The second lines out from the center host her wings! Very important!#Kinda reminds me of my holosona in a way actually :0 They /are/ both Evil-aligned hmmmm#All the more reason to colour palette! Differentiate the colours in my head#Really do feel like I'm approaching it now fdjsklafd getting close now!!
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..this is maybe a stupid question, but if i did offer to make socks, would anyone consider buying them? idk premade or pick a color or whatever, tho i cant make more than basic socks (tho i do know how to make ones with patterns? if i have instructions) but. yeah??
#im pretty sure i have everything tagged#sock hell#in this blog? for the type of stuff ive done#i mean again its mostly just basic socks. i made one pair as knee highs for myself tho and the last ones are ankle length#but um. yeah. i honestly think about this every time i make some and im like huh. what am i gonna do with these#tho so far theyve just either been for myself or as gifts. the last ones were commissions (and not fairly compensated but. you know#it was my mom lmao)#idk. would anyone like any even like. potentially? just asking for my own curiosity mostly#i'll just make the next two or three pairs for myself i need new socks as i wear them almost all year around lmao#night is an absolute mess on main
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me trying to stroll thru the ted nivison tag on tumblr for some sick art
X READER, IMAGINE, OTHER THINGS I CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME OF EVEN THO IT'S QUITE LITERATLY RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME XDD
#No shade btw I get it#look. I was on mcyt wattpad as a small small SMALL child and I mean FUCKING TINY#and I get it!#Where are the fanartist tho I want art grrrrr#do I have to do everything myself#anyways guys can u tell that maybe i've found myself in a new yt fixation.... erm#like 4 chuckle sandwich podcasts and a barbie movie review and i'm in the trenches#seriously though i do think that most of it is stemming from my video creation fixation#i blame school coming up#SCHLATTS MONKEY VIDEOW???? Beautiful editing i want to edit like that#don't know the editor off the top of my head sorry#i'm going crazy over video creation honestly and they're my vessels (This is very hyperbole)#snazum talks#I have an idea cooking btw.... maybe I'll share it here when i'm done but otherwise i'm gonna be tight lipped about it :)#if ur a mootie/friend tho feel free to ask me in dms :D I can't help but want to ramble bout it#I may be a little shy though since it's not embarrasing per say but i also don't like talking bout it that much#It's nothing serious it's actually the most not serious thing ever but i feel like a bragging bitch when i talk about it so i don't#but also i want to talk about it. cause the subject matter isn't even what i'm proud about it's the idea of how to present it that is#this is so vague i'm so sorry i started fucking rambling in these tags jesus christ#why am i like this ANYWAYS YEAH BYE#EDIT: okay but tbf back to the original point i didn't think this shit would be main tagged?#I find it usually isn't when it comes to rpf stuff but what do i know#all i know is 2012/2014....#the trenches dude.#u don't want to see my old art it contains so many terrible terrible youtubers#I sure know how to pick em#i think the amount i ramble in tags really really represents my adhdness#i got fucking diagnosed and i'm scared to say that i'm just gonna say my quirkyness
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