#(even then it can be slightly janky but it’s so much better than not doing it)

[goldensunset]

can you believe there are people on this site who never use tags… like… in my personal opinion it’s insane enough to never want to organize the things you reblog but for some people they don’t even label the original things they post?? really just indiscriminately throwing every post into the void forever? that is a felony

[eggs-bene]

So since I want to do more animations (specifically spider-man swinging), I wanted an easier way to do storyboards/layout without drawing perspective cause im lazy. SO i saw some ATSV boards that used google earth screenshots, however i couldnt figure out how he was getting the angle on it that he wanted? like, every time i opened google earth i felt like it was fighting me and i just couldnt figure it out (maybe im mentally an old man)

You may ask, "why not just stretch out the cubes and make the city yourself??" Well. I'm lazy. but eventually i found a slightly different way of doing it, basically by importing 3D google earth data into blender.

and now thats even better than screenshots cause i could animate the camera! and i could have a better understanding of the layout cause im too dumb to keep that in my head! i can just grab a chunk of the earth and plunk it into blender! its ugly, but i could theoretically "trace" it with clean cubes for the close buildings and let the farther ones be as janky as they want.

this also works for pretty much any part of the earth, so if i really wanted to I could pull in the grand canyon or mount everest or anything that has 3D data on it. i pulled a chunk of my neighborhood in which was kind've uncanny. its tempting to post a pic of that too but id rather not doxx myself, even if there would be about 3 polygons defining my house

[bluegekk0]

what kind of handwriting do they have? in the modern au do they have a family groupchat? how do they write in text? (grammar, capitalization, emojis etc.)

oooh i like this question. handwriting hmmm

this turned out quite long so under a read more it goes

fpk's would be very rushed, sloppy and not very pretty to look at. he gets distracted easily so he tends to write in a quick manner so that he doesn't lose his train of thought. on top of that, his hands can get a little shaky when he's stressed, and you can easily see that when looking at his writing. as for how it would be shaped, i imagine it would be kind of scratchy looking

grimm's handwriting would be very elegant, calm and controlled. like, you'd think he had a background in calligraphy, that kind of neat. even his rushed writing, like any quick signature or sticknotes, would be much better looking than your average writing. he just has a knack for fancy, i suppose. the shapes of his writing would be very round and graceful, and incredibly precise

holly's would be very shaky, but there's definitely a hint of something nice looking in there. they have the patience for fancy writing, but their hands shake a lot, even more so than fpk's when he's anxious. the same applies to their prosthetic arm, it has janky, robotic movement, so it's unfortunately not fitting for writing. the handwriting itself looks a bit similar to grimm's in shape, though it has very noticeable shakiness to it

hornet has no patience for handwriting, and she gets irritated very easily. most of her writing is a bit on the rushed side, and she tends to aggressively cross them out if she makes a mistake, so the pages end up looking very messy. as for the style itself, it would be similar to fpk's, though you can tell she presses the pen very hard on paper

zote's handwriting is surprisingly nice looking. nothing too impressive, but he's much better at it than fpk or hornet. of course, based on how he talks about it, you'd expect something as gorgeous as grimm's writing, which it isn't, but that doesn't mean it isn't pretty good. as for what it looks like, i imagine it's just neat looking cursive writing

lewk can't write just yet, but he likes to draw over grimm's writing and follow the lines with his pencil, so i could see his handwriting developing in a similar direction

---

now for the modern au part. yes, they would absolutely have a group chat, i could see hornet being its owner (if only so she can kick grimm out whenever he's being irritating hahah)

fpk's text would be a bit hard to understand, they'd have this boomer energy to it, though it's clear that his mind wanders off regularly. unfinished sentences with no capitalization or punctuation is what he's known for, and if he uses any emojis, they're usually the default smile faces. and heart emojis, he loves sending the heart emojis. the biggest exception to this rule is when he's rambling about something. it's not uncommon for him to send essay long messages if he's passionate about something. but generally it's quite short, he doesn't talk a lot in person, and he tends to not be very active in the group chat either (definitely feels like he's annoying others more often than not). oh, and he has a habit of sending messages very late at night. especially those sleep deprived but passionate rambles about whatever he found interesting that day

grimm is a wild card, he adapts very easily to how others write, but generally he doesn't waste too much time on capitalization or punctuation, even his grammar is far less eloquent than what he normally speaks like. he may be old, but in comparison to fpk, he's quite well versed in whatever slang is popular at the time, so you'll see him using words and phrases you wouldn't expect from "an old man" like him. he also drastically changes the way he texts depending on the person. in the group chat he texts in a slightly silly way compared to what he's usually like, though it's not uncommon for him to say something flirty to fpk or react under all of his messages with heart emojis, before they get shoo'd by hornet and move to private messages. and when he's in fpk's dms, well... let's say that what's spoken and sent there should remain private haha

hornet doesn't care about punctuation, though she's a bit of a jerk when it comes to correcting other's grammar, so she pays more attention to it than someone like fpk. she'll also make it known when she's angry, you'll see a lot of sentences ending in a full stop, which she never uses otherwise. as for emojis, if they have a discord group chat, then she'd almost exclusively use custom emojis from meme servers and think the default ones suck. also, this isn't necessarily related to the way she texts, but she would get in a lot of arguments constantly. she gets easily annoyed, and if she has any moderation powers she's going to abuse them (usually by kicking grimm from the group chat when she thinks he's annoying, only for fpk to add him again haha)

holly loves using emojis, they talk almost exclusively using them. they can write regular words, and they still do it, but if there was an emoji for every word, they'd use it. they love how silly a lot of them look, and they'll often post new emojis they found just to show them to others, even if they're not related to the conversation. the strange obsession with using them is definitely connected to the fact that they can't emote in person, and words don't express emotions as well as something like an emoticon does. also, on discord, they would react to pretty much every message they like with a relevant emoji. and heart emojis, a lot of them. as for the actual writing, they do pay attention to proper grammar and punctuation, they also use capitalization where it's needed. but more often than not they'll just respond with an emoji

zote pays way too much attention to grammar and punctuation, even though he sucks at it and doesn't know the proper rules. and on top of that, he'll always try to correct others, which often leads to bickering between him and hornet. oh, and he also thinks emojis are stupid, and gets annoyed when people react to his messages with them (as a side note, he would be the type of person to be very upset about getting pinged for stupid reasons, cause how dare they disturb the mighty zote's peace)

as i said before, lewk can't really write, so he would usually just use emojis or say something incoherent. though he's not really part of the group chat, he's way too young to have his own phone. that's not to say he never contributes to it, sometimes he steals fpk or grimm's phone and types some nonsense before they realize, which is especially humorous if it happens in the middle of a conversation

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 1st September

A new school year begins, and we have two songs, both promising-looking. One's by an artist we've seen before recently, the other by an artist who (excitingly) I've never even heard of! And it's a woman! We've had quite a long run of men for the last few weeks, so it's nice to get a female voice in there.

Indian Love Call - Slim Whitman (peaked at Number 7)

The name and artist both say "Western theme" to me. I did enjoy Rose Marie, though, and "Indian Love Call" definitely doesn't rule out more of the same kind of vibe, with lots of yodelling and general romantic softness, rather than heartbreak and recriminations. It's an evocative title, and I feel like Slim is more than capable of doing it justice.

Oh, yeah, we start straight away with a yodelling "ooOOOOooo" going up and down. I think this is meant to sound "Indian" (aka Native American) which is probably insulting in many ways, but it is certainly a striking way to start out a song.

Actually, between that and the strummy guitar and weird yowling steel guitar, you've got a delightfully weird soundscape. It's country-tinged, but in a particularly odd, lo-fi way that you wouldn't be hugely surprised to find in some modern and slightly folksy indie track. I think the slight feedback from the mic Slim's singing into on the highest notes maybe feeds into that, too. Either way, it's very distinctive. I can only imagine this drifting out of a radio in 1955.

The lyrics are pretty straightforward, all about how the singer is calling to win over his love. Lots of questioning: When I'm calling you / Will you answer too? Slim's yodelling out into the void and hoping his lover responds in kind. Fair enough.

Interestingly, it's from the same operetta that Rose-Marie was from, which was all about a French Canadian girl who falls for a miner. No "Indian" characters in sight, but apparently this comes from an overture section that sets the scene, and is supposedly referring to a myth about indigenous Canadians calling down from the hills into the valleys to attract the girls they wished to marry. I'm not finding any sources for this, and given that the operetta was from 1924, I suspect that this is of dubious veracity, but it gives an excuse for some pretty cool yodelling, I guess. Of its time, though, for sure.

Ooh, Wikipedia tells me this was used in Wes Anderson's Asteroid City, and yeah, I can see Wes Anderson enjoying the vibe of this particular version. It's weird, and striking, and very much a janky, whimsical artefact from a specific time and place. I need to watch that film, at some point - I almost went when it was in cinemas, but Barbie was also playing. A film whose music will not be showing up for much, much longer!

The Breeze and I - Caterina Valente (5)

Caterina Valente has an excitingly non-British-sounding name, is my first thought, and a bit of research does indeed tell me that she is a multilingual Italian-French star, so that's kind of cool! I'm hoping for a bit of European charm - writing this not too long after Eurovision, I feel like that's not too much to ask!

The opening is certainly full-on and jazzy, with all its trumpets, and then we settle into an extravagant Spanish-sounding flamenco opening, all strummy guitar and Caterina singing a very dramatic, melismatic "la la la la-ah-ah-ah" opening. I could be in deepest Andalucia, right now. Even better, it's followed by some dramatic castanets and fast clapping, and some tumbling, shrill strings. This is camp as heck, and I am here for its energy.

And then, almost as suddenly as it started, it slips into another mode, all clave rhythms and cha-cha-cha muted brass, as Caterina sings about how The breeze and I are saying with a sigh / That you no longer care. Basically, Caterina's love has fallen out of love with her, and her and the wind are in agreement about how sad this is. There's a lot of poetic imagery here, all about how their loved seemed constant as the moon, but is left Ending in a strange, mournful tune. It's again very dramatic and lavish.

Still, you get the sense that this song is less about the specific lyrics and more about the spectacle of it all, hence a break in the middle of it all where Caterina just goes ham on a load of "ooooooooh" notes, singing spectrally high and sliding between the notes in a particularly eerie, echoey way. It's not actually a far cry from the higher-pitched bits of Slim's song, so perhaps high notes were just the thing, this week.

When I mentioned Eurovision, I didn't really expect too much, but genuinely, I reckon this could do reasonably well as a modern Eurovision song, with only a few updates to suit it to modern tastes. And to be fair, the song was originally a massive hit, by the look of things, and was covered by a bunch of people. The internation flavour maybe also comes from its origins - originally a song from Cuban composter Ernesto Lecuona's Suite Andalucía, it was both Latin-influenced and had some deliberate Andalucian vibes, though it was an American who adapted the originally Spanish lyrics into English. So there's that classic Eurovision mix, you know?

Well, neither of those songs were boring. I'm not 100% I liked either of them, but they sure weren't boring, and despite being entirely different songs, they did share a bit of a vibe, with the high-pitched singing and the attempts at an "exotic" kind of style.

Favourite song of the bunch: The Breeze and I

[jordoalejandro]

The Thirteenth Annual List of Movies I Saw the Past Year

This was one of the better recent years for film, in my humble opinion. A lot of really excellent stuff at the top of my list. On the other hand, the gulf between the good and not so good films feels more vast this year. Not as much depth.

I think I prefer that though. I like a year where I have more A’s and C’s handed out than a year where everything is a B.

This is also my longest list ever so let’s get to it.

Here’s the list of movies I’ve seen since-ish the last Oscars (3/12/23).

77. The Re-Education of Molly Singer - This feels like a throwback to the bad, cheaply made, straight-to-DVD comedies of the 2000s. Poorly written. Jokes that barely register and often don’t really have a punchline. A janky, cliché filled plot. Forced character arcs. Even the editing feels off. This is the kind of movie that should be 90 minutes (or really 80-something) and it ends up two hours long. Fixing the pacing wouldn’t have saved it but it couldn’t have hurt. Really nothing working here at all.

76. Vacation Friends 2 - I didn’t love the first film but I had some positive feelings about it at least. There was simply no reason for a sequel other than grabbing at cash left on the table. The original was about normal people going through some fairly normal circumstances, albeit slightly heightened for comedic effect. There really wasn’t that much more left to organically explore with them. Thus, this sequel did what a lot of unnecessary comedy sequels do when they are desperate for plot and need to introduce some dramatic stakes: add a criminal element. A random drug lord who can have men with guns chase our heroes. It’s so artificial it immediately lays bare how forced this film is. (This film also does another classic bad comedy sequel thing where it brings back a character from the first film in a way that makes zero sense because they wanted to use the actor again. Here, for some reason, one of the couples has hired an employee from the Mexican hotel from the first film as a babysitter for their newborn on their trip to the Caribbean. You know: a thing that happens.) That alone makes you roll your eyes but it’s not a fatal flaw. It’s forgivable if you can still make it funny. The bigger sin this film commits is that it just doesn’t do anything funny. The jokes are almost nonexistent. They’re barely trying and absolutely none of them land. The original had some humor and some heart to at least make it a decent watch. The sequel is drained of all of that. The weird thing is I can’t say I hated anything in particular here. I just felt pretty much nothing at all through the entire runtime, which is arguably worse. Mark Mothersbaugh’s score was nice though.

75. Fool’s Paradise - It’s kind of fascinating how this film misses every major mark. It wants to be a satire about Hollywood but it’s neither sharp nor insightful. It has a storyline about friendship that is supposed to lead to the emotional climax of the film but it doesn’t ever feel earned. The characters never actually feel like friends in any way and there’s no payoff to their relationship. There’s also a little bit of a Charlie Chaplin homage going on but there isn’t really any delight or charm in it. I don’t know what happened here. Everything is off. The worst part is there are almost no laughs in the whole thing. You could get by a little easier if you could at least nail some good jokes or visual gags or something but there are maybe a few chuckles at best. Even with the crazy amount of cameos by funny people. No one can find a laugh. The film looks nice at least.

74. 65 - Ultimately, it’s a bore. It’s a lot of walking through the jungle and occasionally being attacked by dodgy CGI dinosaurs. The action isn’t very compelling. Nor the visuals and music. Nor the story. Really standard lone wolf and cub stuff. Adam Driver tries but he’s given very little to work with. It’s a step above a Syfy channel film – in budget and quality – but not a huge step.

73. Meg 2: The Trench - I started this one up thinking, “Well, I saw the first one, I might as well watch the sequel” and about twenty minutes in, I realized I wasn’t sure if I actually did see the first one. I certainly didn’t write about it. I might have watched it on HBO? Or maybe it’s one of those films you don’t actually need to watch to know exactly how it goes down beat by beat. Speaking of films you don’t actually need to watch to know exactly how they’re going to go beat by beat: Meg 2: The Trench. There are moments in this film where it realizes it’s a stupid movie and leans in and those are the best parts of the film. Page Kennedy is the only person who is at that right level throughout the whole film. Mostly, though, the movie comes off like another bad Syfy channel film, in writing and especially in CGI. It’s one of those films where nothing looks real. Not just the animals and the sets. It’s so overbearing you can’t believe in the props they’re holding. It’s so much that you actually see past the CGI in your mind's eye and see all the blue screens the actors are standing in front of. Not great for the immersion of it all.

72. About My Father - A couple of nice moments (it has a smidge more heart than I thought it would) but it’s not really funny or sharp or surprising in any way. A lot of flat scenes.

71. Ferrari - You see the title and think it’s going to be a story about the car Ferrari, right? At least half about the cars? But no, it’s really like 80% about the man Ferrari. And the man Ferrari? Not that compelling. Lots of family drama. Mostly uninteresting. Some driving, which is done well but not as good as you’ve seen in other movies (including other period piece movies made within the last five years that have Ferrari in the title). It rolls along like that for a while. And then there’s this one scene that occurs near the end that’s completely unhinged (I’m trying to be subtle to avoid any spoilers but anyone who has seen the film knows exactly which scene I’m talking about). Even though this scene is based in truth, it’s not cohesive with what we’ve seen for the previous 100 minutes. It certainly snaps you awake like no other part in the film, so there’s that at least. Then it goes right back to the family stuff and then it ends. I’m sure there’s enough interesting, unique stuff in Ferrari’s life that it could sustain a biopic but what we got was mostly his relationship drama and that’s not particularly captivating. Adam Driver and Penélope Cruz are decent in this but not great in any kind of way that would merit awards or special recognition.

70. Plane - It’s basically exactly what you expect from a 2023 Gerard Butler movie called Plane. It’s a functional action thriller that doesn’t do anything (action, character, dialogue, humor) particularly well but pieces one thing to the next and gets to the finish line.

69. Killers of the Flower Moon - There are a couple of scenes that happen early in the film: Robert De Niro’s character and Leonardo DiCaprio’s character do some scheming, and then some Native Americans are killed. I hope you enjoy these scenes because they will be repeated over and over and over and over again for the next two hours. Does it ever get interesting? No, not really. Because at its core, the film is a murder mystery-type story and we’re witnessing the entire thing from the perspective of the murderers. Are these murderers at least clever or intriguing or sympathetic in any way? No, not really. They’re dullards who get away with things because no one cares that Native Americans are being murdered. ("You're supposed to feel that frustration!" Fine, but I could probably get there in half an hour. You don't need to drag me through mud for two hours.) The final hour of this behemoth is the law and order part of the show, which is so slow it drove me to near rage. I came right up to the edge of literally shouting at the film to move along. It’s a shame that there’s apparently no one left in the entertainment industry who can tell Martin Scorsese to not make three and a half hour movies. This is a film that is technically sound, at least, and that’s why it’s not at the bottom of the list. It looks good, the writing is fine, the acting is fine (the actors don’t really get a ton to do which is weird because there is so much goddamn time to do stuff!). But it’s just so impossibly long that it becomes an endurance test more than anything, and in doing so, destroys any potential chance for me to care about what is happening in the film or to the characters. I think there’s a good story in here, one I might be interested in watching, if it’s told in, let’s say, two-ish hours. Watching this film, I found myself only wanting it to end already.

68. The Flash - Some decent pieces hidden throughout – a few clever bits or jokes, action sequences, and emotional moments – but more stuff that doesn’t work than does. An unsatisfying plot. An overload of terrible CGI to the point where it often looks like you’re watching a PS3 level video game cutscene. Cameos and Easter Eggs that are jammed in so poorly that there’s no joy in them. Mostly though, it’s just an irritating film. The dialogue often tries too hard to force a laugh. A lot of broad, lazy humor. And worst of all, Ezra Miller’s Flash, the center of the film, is flat out annoying. His awkwardness is turned to 11 and he comes off more like a romantic comedy heroine (I’m too clumsy to get my life together!) than a superhero for the first act of the film. Everything gets even worse when the teenage version of the Flash shows up and behaves, for some reason, like an eight year old hopped up on sugar. It’s not just grating, it’s bad for us as an audience to immensely dislike the film’s main character. This is a movie that feels like it was pieced together from too many visions (including producers demanding more cameos because the other studios do it) and ultimately, it’s a big mess.

67. The Machine - There’s at least some plot though it’s not particularly strong. It works well enough to keep the movie moving along. Serviceable action. The big issue is there are only a couple of genuine laughs and that’s all you’re really looking for here so to be so lacking in that department is a huge issue for the film. An okay plot and serviceable action is not enough to get by. It’s supposed to be really funny and it just isn’t.

66. Good Grief - It has its moments of humor or dialogue but just doesn’t get there for the most part. I think the writing was lacking. Not enough humor, drama isn’t gripping, emotion isn’t there. This plot was fertile ground for a good dramedy but it simply does not capitalize.

65. Polite Society - This is a movie that should be fun and breezy but it’s unfortunately very bad at maintaining any kind of momentum. The final act in particular drags horribly, gaining steam and losing it almost immediately several times, making a 1:40 movie seem much, much longer. A few good moments scattered throughout and definitely some style to it, but overall the humor and action are nowhere near the quality they should be for this to work.

64. Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire - Really generic sci-fi. You’ve got your farmer type rebels and your fascist military army and your laser rifles and CGI aliens and the one hero who can save the universe, but she’s got to pull together her ragtag group to do it. Fine. I can forgive generic if it’s executed well but this is all pretty dull. The characters aren’t interesting, heroes and villains alike. Nor the dialogue. The plot is a standard "get the team together" plot but the heroes just go place to place and have people join them without having to actually do much. Mostly they show up, watch a new character do some sci-fi business, and then that character goes “Okay, let’s go.” Even the action isn’t very good, which is generally Zack Snyder’s strength. The film is interesting to look at, at least, so he hasn’t lost that from his arsenal. But this is supposed to be the jumping off point for a new Star Wars type universe thing and I just don’t see it. I don’t care about any of the goings-on with these characters or this world. There’s nothing here that makes me even the slightest bit enthusiastic for like a dozen movies and spinoff TV shows and video games or whatever.

63. Priscilla - This is the newest addition to the “various scenes from a sad famous woman’s life” collection. It has a little bit more life to it than that but not much. Technically solid. Good looking, good music, fine acting performances. But this feels like a movie made as a direct response to Elvis because his relationship with Priscilla was a bit creepy and, in theory, it does deserve further inspection. The problem is, in practice, when you’re actually watching a two hour film about it and you’re like, no, I guess I really don’t care about any of this. For what it’s worth, the actual Priscilla (an executive producer on this project herself) doesn’t seem to fall on one side of the debate or the other too strongly. The film seems to be sending the message that there was good and bad, that the fame and drugs certainly made things worse and ruined their marriage but, well, the whole thing also ends with “I Will Always Love You” playing so… it’s complicated, I guess? I appreciate it exploring the issue as gray but then that really highlights the “who cares?” of it all. I can’t shake the feeling this was a whole film dedicated to telling me a relationship with Elvis that started when you were a child is kind of weird. Okay. Got it. Thanks.

62. You Hurt My Feelings - Too many scenes that don’t really go anywhere and too many exchanges with no punchlines. It makes it feel like the film is stretching to make its 90 minutes. There are some interesting ideas and some funny bits in here but simply not enough in terms of character or dialogue or plot.

61. A Good Person - It never reaches a level of emotion or poignancy to truly be worth the journey, especially because the journey, at its core, is a generic addiction story (read: a melodramatic, repetitive cycle of relapse and recovery). Florence Pugh is good as always and Morgan Freeman does nice work, but the film as a whole just never gets there.

60. Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget - I don’t really remember the first one. I saw it in theaters as a child and have generally positive feelings about it but that was also two-plus decades ago so I can’t say with any certainty if I liked it or if I just liked being unburdened by age. Anyway, though this sequel is fine, it doesn’t seem to me as good, in writing and style, as the original. (Or maybe it is. Again, I can barely remember.) This is a fine movie for children and I’m sure children would enjoy it. It’s not really anything that appeals to me.

59. Shazam! Fury of the Gods - A couple of funny bits (Djimon Hounsou actually gets most of the better laughs, stealing the few scenes he’s in) and serviceable though not exactly enthralling action, but it still mostly feels like an uninspired sequel. Middling villains and a plot it’s hard to connect with. A lot of murder of innocent people that doesn’t mesh with the otherwise more lighthearted tone. Two movies in and they still haven’t figured out how to make the adult and kid versions of Shazam seem like the same character. It’s a little closer in this one than in the first but adult Shazam acts like an eight year old and kid Shazam (who is 17 years old, not eight) is more serious. You feel like they’re two entities and not the same person. If I had to point the finger, I’d say it’s probably Zachary Levi’s fault. Maybe adult Shazam’s lines might match better with different readings but he plays it very much like a small child and it’s off. The director should probably be on top of this, too. All of this sounds more negative than it is. It’s mostly forgettable fluff but it’s easy enough to watch and not hate. It’s just that it’s also not going to interest anyone outside of fans of the first film.

58. Down Low - Some decent laughs but about as many misses as well. Not funny enough for what flows, plotwise, as a sort of standard dark comedy.

57. The Creator - A good looking film, in cinematography and production design. Slick. But it just could not get me to care about the characters or story. Another sci-fi flick that falls right into your typical lone wolf and cub story. It tries to provide a few cute moments to get you to buy into their relationship but mostly hopes you’ll just accept it because our main character is protecting a “child.” While that is usually enough to go on in most of these types of stories, the child here isn’t really a child. It’s a stand-in for something much more gray. The film hopes you won’t examine that gray area very much if the child says something sweet every now and then. I could maybe get there if the whole thing was executed better but our main character is only sometimes compelling and his relationship with the cub feels more obligatory than earned so I spent the last half of the movie not particularly caring if they succeed or not.

56. Nyad - There’s some of the decent stuff you expect in a story about battling nature (and yourself) to do something incredible. And the relationship between the two leads is strong (so is their acting). But the movie itself isn’t incredibly interesting as a whole. Mostly because it’s a lot of swimming, then getting hurt while swimming, then resetting, then more swimming. And repeat. Nyad goes through a The Revenant-esque series of ass kickings to the point it becomes almost humorous. Also, and this is probably mostly a personal thing, but I don’t really care about feats like this, swimming long distances and such. Of course, there are plenty of films that are about things I don’t care about and I was made to care about them by the film. Nyad never really did enough to get me to buy into why I should care whether or not she can do it. In fact, they often make her such a miserable, unlikeable character that I sometimes found myself rooting for the ocean. The problem is, if you’re not bought in to the glory of the achievement, then you’re really just watching swimming.

55. The Color Purple - I haven’t seen the original but I had a general idea of what it’s about and I sort of formed a version of the film in my head and now, having seen this version, I think I was pretty close. Lots of melodrama about being a woman and Black and poor in the South in the past. It’s not fun! This version has music, at least. A lot of enjoyable songs. Great performances (in singing and choreography). They’re the high points of the film by far and keep things lively. Honestly, another song was something to look forward to when you’re caught in the trauma and sadness parts. It’s a visually strong film as well. Good acting, with Taraji P. Henson, Fantasia Barrino, and especially Danielle Brooks doing strong work. All that said, I write a lot of these reviews and get to the end and say something like “this is coming off more negative than how I actually feel about the film.” This is sort of the opposite. All of this sounds more positive than how I felt about the film. Despite my enjoyment of the musical bits and appreciation of the acting, the film is a lot of dull melodrama. Maybe primarily that. That’s why it’s around here on the list.

54. The Super Mario Bros. Movie - I enjoyed the incorporation of musical themes from the game and some of the Easter Eggs. It’s a pleasant looking film. Colorful but not overwhelming. Is this just stuff I like about the games, though? Maybe there’s credit, at least, in the movie knowing what to pull from the games. Jack Black was good as Bowser. I’m just listing things now. It’s very much a decent kid’s movie: pretty straightforward story, basic jokes. That’s fine. It’s good to have movies for kids that aren’t torturous, but I don’t have kids so I don’t get a ton out of this.

53. Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom - It’s mostly a mess. Most of it is CGI’d to hell, so much so that you start to question whether Jason Momoa is even real. The action scenes aren’t very interesting and neither is the plot. There’s a lot of flat acting in it, too. It’s not what you would call a good film. But you know what? There’s actually a decent amount of enjoyable stuff in here. Some funny lines and gags (though many that do not work). And much of the second act has Momoa reuniting with Patrick Wilson’s villain/brother character from the first film and they have a little buddy comedy thing going that works surprisingly well. Their chemistry is good. Momoa himself is very charismatic. He’s trying. He just has very little to work with. The fun stuff in the film is simply not enough to save it but it at least prevents it from being a train wreck and makes it not a miserable watch.

52. The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial - Well directed, well written (it’s based on a 1950s play which is based on a 1950s novel so it’s mostly adapted but it’s been modernized well), well acted. William Friedkin was a masterful director, and he’s able to mostly keep the film moving and the energy up. Ultimately, though, it does end up feeling like the straight up play adaptation that it is. 95% of the film takes place in one room and it’s essentially a dialogue-only film, and there’s only so much you can do to prevent it from slowing down, even as an expert director.

51. Past Lives - There’s some strong acting and good writing in parts. Moments of brilliance (mostly in the last half hour) but I need more overall. Humor, drama. Something. I’ll settle for more dialogue. It’s a movie with a lot of walking and sightseeing. Very long takes with very few lines. I appreciate letting a moment breathe but, well, let me put it like this: it's a 105 minute movie and I looked up the screenplay and it’s 85 pages long and the dialogue within is written twice, one in Korean and once in English. That’s not an equation that adds up to a fast (or really even medium) paced film.

50. Gran Turismo - Decently directed. The action scenes are well shot and have good energy. David Harbour is very good, turning what might be a cliché curmudgeonly mentor character into a charming curmudgeonly mentor character. He takes really basic lines and imbues them with some life. That’s sort of the problem with the whole script, though. It’s very basic in both plot and dialogue. (There are tons of lines that are just describing what’s happening. “Gotta catch this guy!” “Make the turn!” It’s not the worst thing but once you catch it, you don’t stop hearing it.) There are parts of this film that rise above its base level of basic-ness, but not too many.

49. Dumb Money - Credit to the filmmakers for taking a story that doesn’t really lend itself to a plot nor have any real heroes and crafting a watchable film out of it. It’s entertaining enough and has a few laughs. The second act is very repetitive as they run through the hold or sell question like half a dozen times. I don’t know if this is valid as film criticism because it’s based on me knowing a lot about this story in real life but I found myself rolling my eyes at much of the film and its attempts to oversimplify and create heroes. That’s the issue with telling a story that just happened. The full fallout of the story hasn’t occurred yet. Some of the things in the film have already aged poorly. There’s a title card at the end saying what happened to some of the characters and one says a character was still holding GameStop stock waiting to sell. The stock is like 80% lower now than it was at the peak this film presents. She’s screwed. She’s not a real person, but she does represent a lot of real people who did get caught up in the excitement of this thing and got left holding the bag when it stopped working. Again, I debate with myself if that’s a legit way to criticize a film, so I’ll put that aside and just settle on this being fine.

48. No Hard Feelings - The story, the characters, the comedy: certainly could’ve been better but still passable. They all come together to make a solid enough film with a few laughs but nothing extraordinary.

47. Strays - It has some laugh out loud moments but most of the humor is more “hah.” than actually funny. That’s a problem for a film like this which is really about the jokes more than anything. There is some heart to the film but I don’t know if it’s a strength of the writing so much as an exploitation of our feelings about dogs. That is, show us a dog being sad, then being happy, and their faces and our brains do most of the work. It’s a nice effort to try and create some depth in a film that’s mostly about dogs cussing and humping things, at least.

46. Pinball: The Man Who Saved the Game - Cute and cleverly told. It has some good moments and a likability to it but not enough drama to really carry it over even its 90 minute runtime. It basically tries to get by on being cute and cleverly told and that can only get you so far. It’s solid if not spectacular.

45. Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania - Just okay. It just doesn’t have the life the first two films in this series had. It misses the groundedness of those films and those side characters. A lot of time here is spent setting up the Quantum Realm and its factions and showing it all off but it’s hard to really care about all these new characters or this world which reads like a generic alien world and never feels more than a giant load of CGI. A lot could probably be forgiven if it was funnier but while it has moments of humor and creativity, it goes too long in between to forgive its weakness in other areas.

44. Rustin - A decent, if straightforward, civil rights biopic. A very strong performance from Colman Domingo at the center. Not a lot of surprises but it moves well enough for a biopic.

43. Champions - It’s a film about a curmudgeonly, washed up basketball coach who has to coach a team of young adults with learning disabilities. If you hear that premise and immediately build the film in your head, you’re probably at least 80% right. It’s done well, though. It has some heart and a few good laughs and moves well enough. I would’ve liked it more if it was funnier or tapped into something more emotional, but as is it’s decent enough.

42. Lift - It’s a sleek heist film with a decent score and it moves well which makes it quite watchable even if it’s not exactly a great film. It’s very clunky. The writing isn’t fun enough. Only really Billy Magnussen and Vincent D’Onofrio are given characters with some personality. They aren’t written particularly well but the actors make them work by leaning in. The rest of the team doesn’t offer a whole lot. Kevin Hart seems miscast. He’s playing a veteran criminal (think George Clooney in the Oceans movies) but he doesn’t fit the role well and he’s given almost nothing funny to do. More action than anything, which is not his wheelhouse. The main heist isn’t plotted particularly sharply. It sidelines most of the team at the halfway point so Hart and Gugu Mbatha-Raw can have an action romance style third act. Again, it’s not great. More than a handful of weird choices. But it didn’t exactly stop me from enjoying the ride, so I can’t really ding it too badly I guess.

41. Bank of Dave - Cute, sweet, kind of simple. Nothing too surprising. Could be funnier. Based off a true-ish story (as it says) and a lot of it feels movie-fied (some parts egregiously so) but it still mostly works and you can watch it and feel good.

40. Blue Beetle - It’s a DC origin film that’s about on par with the first Shazam. It shares some of the highlights and issues with Shazam, as well. Highlights: some good humor, fun character interactions between the heroes and the side characters. Issues: action is just okay, some darker tone shifts that don’t jibe with the lightheartedness in most of the rest of the film. The villain in this film was much weaker than Shazam but the soundtrack was much better and more memorable. Xolo Maridueña is a more charismatic lead, too. So, some give and take but I’d rate them around the same quality level.

39. Linoleum - Some interesting stuff for the first 80% of the film but a bit slow. An excellent finale, though, that sort of saves everything. In that sense, it’s sort of the opposite of a film like Don’t Worry Darling, proving a good ending can really make or break you. Linoleum’s strong, moody, emotional finish ties everything together and sheds light on what we’ve seen and makes the whole thing feel worthwhile.

Are you still with me? We’re about halfway there. Grab a snack. Let’s do a quick mid-list documentary break.

Still: A Michael J. Fox Movie is a creatively edited, sometimes difficult to watch film about the actor’s life with some strong emotional moments throughout. Parkinson’s is a hell of a disease.

The Eternal Memory is another touching, heart-wrenching film. Also not an easy watch but it finds a way to inject love and beauty into something quite bleak. Alzheimer’s is a hell of a disease.

Okay, let’s get to the top half of the list, which is longer than some previous whole lists. Why did I do this to myself?

38. Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. - A cute and snappy coming of age story. Doesn’t talk down and doesn’t get too melodramatic. Some sweet moments, some funny moments. I would imagine it probably hits harder for women but I can appreciate the quality of the work.

37. The Killer - Very stylish, as David Fincher does. It moves well. Michael Fassbender is very good in the role. Tilda Swinton has a good bit role, too. It’s fun as a sort of neo-noir experience but as a story it’s not incredibly fulfilling. The setup is fun (the opening sequence which gets you right inside the killer’s mind is the high point of the film), then you get the inciting incident, and then four revenge chapters which are different enough from one another to stay fresh but not entirely compelling overall in a storytelling way. It’s similar to John Wick in that sense, though it’s a bit more artistic and less action-y than that.

36. The Marvels - Funny. Good characters. Iman Vellani, who was strong as the lead in her MCU show, does an excellent job here, able to still stand out even amongst bigger acting names. There’s a power swap thing between the three leads that is inventive and creates for some very fun action scenes. The villain is entirely forgettable, though, and the story isn’t really there either. Plus, the film is structured in a weird way. It sort of skips a first act and jumps right into act two, which makes it feel a little bit unsatisfying. Not necessarily unsatisfying as in letting the viewer down, but unsatisfying in a way that makes you feel as if you’ve just watched an episodic adventure rather than a full satisfying film story.

35. Extraction 2 - A strong follow up that shares the same strengths and weaknesses from the first. Action is really well done. There’s a 20+ minute one-shot early in the film that’s so impressive and long it almost feels arrogant. Like, it just keeps going to the point where you start thinking enough already. It also kind of makes every action piece that follows feel like a let down. Chris Hemsworth is good in the role again. The weakness, like the first, is in the story. It’s mostly there just to give reason for our heroes to run around and kill bad guys.

34. Tetris - Presented in a really clever way. It moves well. It’s movie-fied for sure and you can absolutely feel it, but it’s in service of making what’s likely a pretty dry story into something more thrilling and effective.

33. Nimona - Great looking animation. A good story. Funny. Solid voice acting. It’s mostly for children but an adult can watch it, too, and appreciate some of the jokes and not be miserable.

32. Leo - Not every bit lands but there are some very good ones that produce genuine laughs. It has some heart and sweetness to it, too. Adam Sandler does solid voice work. A lot of songs, some good, some weak. Like Nimona, a cute film for kids that parents can watch and get something out of as well.

31. May December - A fascinatingly dark film with notes of sharp satire. It’s not the most thrilling film but it keeps you engaged. Well written and directed. Well acted. Natalie Portman and Julianne Moore are good, of course, but Charles Melton is excellent as well.

30. Elemental - A well done, insightful story about immigrants. The romance story was fine but didn’t really hook me. I enjoyed the film as a whole but it just didn’t hit me in the emotions like so many Pixar films do. A good film but not one of their best.

29. John Wick: Chapter 4 - A little too long to the point where even the action scenes, which are the main attraction, start to overstay their welcome. You start to go “Okay I get it, let’s move on.” Still, the action is very well done. Fun locales. A good looking film. Even a few bits of well-employed humor. I think it’s my favorite since the first one and perhaps the best one of the series but I also say that knowing that this series is very much four movies that are fun while you’re in the ride but leave your memory almost immediately after. They are what they are.

28. Maestro - Really impressive acting from Bradley Cooper and especially Carey Mulligan. Strong directing and visuals. It’s almost told in vignettes, which makes it kind of dreamlike. Some of the vignettes really work but a lot hit your sort of standard biopic pieces and don’t do as much. Overall, it’s solid.

27. Somewhere in Queens - Decent writing, decent acting, with Laurie Metcalf giving a nice performance. Complex, nuanced characters. It’s a good family dramedy with a little bit of humor and emotion.

26. Saltburn - It’s delightfully dark and keeps you interested, even if it sort of reaches an ending that, while not bad, doesn’t land with the sort of punch you want it to. There’s something missing in character motivation and plotting that makes it feel like it’s missed the mark. Still some fun performances (especially Barry Keoghan and Rosamund Pike) and excellent cinematography and design. It works as is. It just feels like there was potential for this to be more and it didn’t get there.

25. Bottoms - Very funny, very silly. I think my main problem is that it’s such a hyper-heightened reality the film takes place in that when it comes back down to Earth and tries to have some human drama it makes me roll my eyes. Having football players kept in a cage in history class and also a sincere best friends argument feels like trying to have your cake and eat it, too. Still very fun though when it sticks to the over the top satire, which is the majority of the film.

24. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny - I think part of the problem is the original three were so good and ended so perfectly, it’s really hard to find a story to make further adventures worthwhile. This one is fine, but it just doesn’t get all the way there. It doesn’t quite measure up, in basically every sense. The action, the humor – they’re there but just not totally up to par. The other thing that is a little off is that this feels very much like a modern action movie, like someone doing Indiana Jones years later. There was a pulpiness to the original three that made them feel less plastic and that’s missing here. Even with its faults, I still think this is a good film. John Williams’ music is still great and Harrison Ford still has the charisma, and there are moments where you feel the magic again. Just not enough to string together a fully great film. It leaves a better taste in my mouth than Crystal Skull, at least, even if it can’t live up to the original trilogy. Maybe it never had a chance.

23. Theater Camp - Very cute, often funny. It pokes fun at theater kids and actors but in a loving way. A sweet movie that’s an easy watch.

22. Quiz Lady - A very endearing film. Sweet, silly, funny. A little bit of heart, too. There’s certainly room for it to be funnier or more original but it works and has some good bits and fun performances.

21. Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves - Lots of fun. It has solid action pieces and good humor. Importantly, it finds ways to do fresh things with a sort of standard fantasy story and keeps it entertaining throughout. The writer/director team of Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley did this with their last film, Game Night, too. Take a premise that could be kind of bleh and get creative. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel, just write a sharp, funny script.

20. Red, White & Royal Blue - This is my token “sweet gay romcom that I have a tough time being objective about” pick. I get one of these every few years or so. It’s a very cute film with some decent humor and good flow. Sort of your standard romcom fare but it’s executed well. Should it be this high on the list, quality-wise? No, probably not. It’s not that much worse, but it’s, objectively, not that great either. I enjoyed it enough, however, to bump it up here. And it is my list after all.

19. Wonka - Like Paul King’s Paddington films, this is much better than you expect it would be or than it really needs to be. Also, like the Paddington films, this is still mostly a movie for kids so it’s only going to go so far for me. But it’s quite a delightful film. Some clever lines and gags. Good songs, though nothing iconic that will stick long term. I have to stop doubting Timothée Chalamet. When I first heard of this, I thought it was going to be a mistake, but he’s so damn charming that he’s able to pull it off. He dives headfirst into this role and gives it his all and it pays off.

18. You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah - It’s similar in theme to Are You There God? but mixed a little with Mean Girls and flavored incredibly Jewishly. I found it to be a sharper, funnier, and more modern approach to those themes. The nepotism of it all is a little gross (it’s crazy that Adam Sandler’s immediate family all won major roles in this film he produced after what I’m sure was a thorough audition process) but Sunny Sandler is, in fact, quite good in the role so you can forgive it.

17. Anatomy of a Fall - Smartly written, well acted. Sandra Hüller gives a strong, subtle performance at the center of the film and Milo Machado-Graner is great in a supporting role. The film does feel a little bit like an intense, fleshed out episode Law and Order though. There’s an hour of courtroom drama in the middle that’s engaging but also mostly dialogue on dialogue. It’s similar to The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial in that there’s only so much you can do to dress that up. It’s a film that doesn’t spoon-feed you, which I appreciate. It’s confident in its ambiguity and it lets you decide where you fall, pun absolutely not intended.

16. Air - Sharp writing, moves well, good acting. Matt Damon and Viola Davis are especially strong. (Damon delivers a speech near the end of the film that is particularly affecting.) Nothing groundbreaking. Just a really well done sports/business story.

15. Next Goal Wins - Sweet, funny, and some heart as well. The story has some clunkiness and there are definitely some misses amongst the many jokes in the film, but a lot more that works than doesn’t. Michael Fassbender is very good and Oscar Kightley is excellent as the surprising heart of the film. It gives you everything you want from a feel good sports film.

14. Oppenheimer - Some great stuff but also simply too long. The film is paced well enough for a three hour film but it likely didn’t need to be three hours. The most compelling stuff, as you might imagine, is the creation and moral implications of building a world destroying bomb. Interpersonal affairs, while interesting enough still, are much less so. Good acting from Cillian Murphy and Robert Downey Jr., who really are the only ones to get enough screen time in this giant cast to truly make their mark. (I would argue though, if you wanted to trim an hour from this film, you could probably pare down Downey’s role almost entirely.) Good directing and writing, taking what might be very dry material and keeping it enthralling.

13. Barbie - I really like how many wild swings this film took for being a big budget film based on a worldwide property. Interesting characters. Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling do great work in their roles. Sharp writing. More than a few laugh out loud jokes and gags (though also a handful that fall flat). It does veer into too silly territory at some points and drags a little here and there but is able to recover, usually by taking a sharp left turn you don’t expect. Its messages are laid on thick but it’s playing to a certain younger audience so I’ll roll with it. A couple of nice humanist moments as well (which is something Greta Gerwig excels at including in her films) though nothing in the film that really cut through me emotionally.

12. Blackberry - A fairly straightforward rise and fall story of a tech company but particularly well done. Fun, smart, doesn’t drag. Good music, good style. Glenn Howerton in his wheelhouse as a barely restrained maniac and gives an excellent, memorable performance.

11. Rye Lane -  Smart, sharp writing. Strong performances from the two leads, David Jonsson and Vivian Oparah, who have great chemistry. Fun direction and editing. It rolls right along for about 75 minutes, tells its story, and then ends. This is another film where it’s like: is this, at its core, just a very cute rom com? Yes. But while it’s not reinventing the genre it is a great execution of it.

10. All of Us Strangers - A truly beautiful, haunting film about love and loss and the things we wish we could say. It’s very artsy so it certainly has its slow points where moments just breathe and breathe, but its high points are so damn high. It’s like an emotional assassin. Several scenes, especially in the back half, that just nail you right in the heart. It’s basically a four actor film - Andrew Scott, Paul Mescal, Jamie Bell, and Claire Foy - and each of them puts in just tremendous work, all worthy of being on my top five individual performances list.

9. Society of the Snow - “Alive - Now with real Latinos!” It’s a pretty straightforward survival film about a story that you’ve likely heard of and so there aren’t really a ton of surprises but it’s expertly made. Shot well, acted well. Tense and thrilling. Aided by a beautiful score from Michael Giacchino. It’s a brutal story but one that’s also about sacrifice and strength and hope. It’s a simple theme but it lands well, puns still completely unintended.

8. Poor Things - Absolutely fascinating from a visual and musical standpoint, as Yorgos Lanthimos does. His directing is truly excellent and matches great with Tony McNamara’s sharp writing. The film is just a bit too long. You can feel it gaining and losing momentum in the back half. Mark Ruffalo’s scenes are definitely the best in the movie and the others, while generally good, are just not as strong (with Willem Dafoe’s scenes being the strongest of the rest). Excellent acting performances from Ruffalo and Dafoe and especially Emma Stone at the center of this wild ride.

7. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse - A fantastic sequel, on par with the first. Smart, funny, emotional writing, good voice acting. The visuals are excellent but often have so much happening on screen you can’t focus and have to just kind of glaze over and let it go. It’s fine – you never really feel lost – but it’s also kind of sad because there are interesting details happening that you almost literally can’t catch without stopping the movie. I was really loving this film until the final minutes. Without giving too much away, I’ll just note it basically concludes on a “to be continued…” note, stopping at what feels like the mid-point of the third act. It’s an ending that doesn’t not work but movies that end like that leave a bad taste in my mouth. Set up threads for the next film, sure, but don’t leave me hanging completely. Don’t make me leave your film with a groan. The ending was obviously not enough to make me hate the film, hence why it’s way up here on the list, but it would’ve been higher with a more complete one.

6. Leave the World Behind - A fascinating neo-paranoia thriller that’s masquerading as an apocalypse film, which is very meta in itself. It has a lot of interesting things to say about us as a society, which risks it getting preachy, but it walks the line by telling the story in a really engaging way and never sacrificing plot for message. Good acting, smart writing, and interesting directing. It doesn’t force you to a conclusion but presents you with some ideas and lets you decide.

5. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 - A little overstuffed but other than that a really wonderful end to this trilogy. James Gunn brings the humor, the music, the emotional beats, the action. He writes these characters and their interactions so well. I don’t know how or if this series will continue, but whoever takes it over will have a tremendous challenge trying to match Gunn. It would have been a travesty to have not let him come back and close out this chapter for these characters, and I’m so glad they got one last ride under his direction.

4. Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One - It feels like there should be another dash or colon or something between Dead Reckoning and Part One, right? But that’s how they list it. I think they got self-conscious about already having too many punctuation marks in the title. One more would look ridiculous. The night after we watched this film the first time, we were going to watch another film that we’d been putting off (it appears on this list, much lower) and all I could think while navigating towards the other film was how much I just wanted to watch Dead Reckoning again instead. That’s the kind of film this is. It energizes you. It makes you want to come back for more. The action sequences are fantastic, as always. The humor is there. The visuals. The music. The franchise has had issues with villains (generally its weak point) and making the main villain of this arc a nebulous computer program isn’t really helping to remedy that. (Esai Morales is fine but unremarkable as the human face of that program.) The decision to make the villain an AI that can manipulate essentially anything adds a really nice dose of paranoia to all the proceedings but also requires a lot more heavy exposition and makes the film much more heady. Making you think a little more isn’t necessarily a bad thing for a film, but is it the right choice for a Mission: Impossible film? I’m not sure. It’s maybe better for these films to just have a MacGuffin and keep things moving. Still, this film’s nearly three hours fly by and despite it being a “part one,” it tells a full enough story to be satisfying.

3. Asteroid City - The music, production design, and cinematography are excellent as always with Wes Anderson. Strong acting from the whole ensemble in small pieces and a surprisingly strong performance by Jason Schwartzman at the center. Smart writing as well. Fast and very funny, and then movingly poignant. It’s a little inaccessible in parts. The plot is purposefully all over the place and it can make it quite difficult to parse exactly what’s going on at first glance, but I think the greater message still comes through and in a deeply emotional way, in my view at least. It really worked for me.

2. American Fiction - Tremendous writing. A strong, smart, very funny satire about media mixed with a moving family dramedy. Great acting performances all around but especially Jeffrey Wright, who is excellent as the film’s anchor, and Sterling K. Brown, who delivers a very strong supporting performance, embodying a character who’s both funny and deeply pained. Everything about this movie works.

1. The Holdovers - I guess the theme of this year’s list is “brilliant execution.” No other film for me embodies that theme this year more than The Holdovers. Yes, the film is your sort of standard “curmudgeon bonds with young person who melts his heart” tale but it is executed flawlessly. It finds the right tone immediately and never lets it slip. A pitch perfect mix of humor and drama. Heart and sorrow. Very human. Sharp writing. Brilliant acting all around. Paul Giamatti is fantastic. The too smart for his own good sad sack who is actually a human being underneath the layers of protection he puts between himself and other people. Da’Vine Joy Randolph, who, if this blog’s search function worked, you could find me singing the praises of for years, once again turns in an excellent performance. I’m so glad she’s getting big-time recognition. Dominic Sessa is great, as well, and it’s very impressive that he’s going toe to toe with these other two established actors and sticking right with them. The core three characters’ stories unfold so beautifully throughout the film, getting you to empathize with them slowly and naturally. It’s filled with great music and great visuals. You feel yourself in New England in the 1970s. I think the thing I can say most in favor of this film is that I just didn’t want it to end. It’s such a warm, wonderful story that I was actually disappointed when I felt it turning from act two to act three and starting to wrap up. In a year where I’ve complained over and over that a lot of these films are too long, this was the one film I could’ve spent much, much more time in.

Time to do some individual awards.

Best Actor

5. Jason Schwartzman, Asteroid City 4. Barry Keoghan, Saltburn 3. Andrew Scott, All of Us Strangers 2. Jeffrey Wright, American Fiction 1. Paul Giamatti, The Holdovers

Best Actress

5. Sandra Hüller, Anatomy of a Fall 4. Natalie Portman, May December 3. Margot Robbie, Barbie 2. Carey Mulligan, Maestro 1. Emma Stone, Poor Things

Best Supporting Actor

5. Paul Mescal, All of Us Strangers 4. Willem Dafoe, Poor Things 3. Glenn Howerton, Blackberry 2. Sterling K. Brown, American Fiction 1. Mark Ruffalo, Poor Things

Best Supporting Actress

5. Julianne Moore, May December 4. Rosamund Pike, Saltburn 3. Claire Foy, All of Us Strangers 2. Danielle Brooks, The Color Purple 1. Da’Vine Joy Randolph, The Holdovers

Best Directing

5. Emerald Fennell, Saltburn 4. J. A. Bayona, Society of the Snow 3. Yorgos Lanthimos, Poor Things 2. Wes Anderson, Asteroid City 1. Alexander Payne, The Holdovers

Best Writing

5. Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach, Barbie 4. Tony McNamara, Poor Things 3. Wes Anderson, Asteroid City 2. David Hemingson, The Holdovers 1. Cord Jefferson, American Fiction

And now let’s look at the ACTORS WEB:

What a nightmare! Here’s a fun fact about the making of this graphic: I almost cried and gave up on it four or five times! I saw too many movies with too many big casts this year. A terrible mistake on my part.

Okay, that’s more than enough for this post. It’s over. We made it.

Enjoy the Oscars.

- - - - -

Read More:

Annual Lists of Movies I Saw the Past Year

[expectingtofly]

Not-So-Easy-Bake Oven, 2k

Established Dean/Cas, Toddler Jack, Fluff without Plot

day 3 of @thiscastielhasflown and i's follower celebration

prompt: baking

“Petzel, petzel, petzel!” Jack chanted, banging a tiny plastic whisk on the table. He wore a kid's apron decorated with bumblebees, dotted black lines twisting and curving to show the bees' crisscrossing flights.

“Alright, buddy, give me a sec,” Dean said, pouring a bag of dry pretzel mix into a bowl. Charlie had bought Jack an Easy-Bake Oven for his fourth birthday, and this was their first time using it and its soft pretzel making kit—much to Jack’s excitement.

Cas came over from the sink with the kit’s measuring cup filled with water. “Wanna pour?” he asked Jack. He steadied Jack’s hand as he took the cup and poured it into the bowl. “Now it’s time to mix.”

He lifted Jack up to kneel on the table, and, gripping his whisk in one fist, Jack began stirring the mix and water together—if jabbing the bowl could be called stirring.

Dean opened the oven, checking to see if it was working. Already pretty warm for a squat bright pink appliance. “Woulda killed for something like this when I was younger.” He looked at the inside of his wrist. “Used to have a pretty nasty scar from when I tried making Sam brownies in some janky motel oven.”

“You should’ve never been left unattended in the kitchen at such a young age,” Cas griped, grabbing the bowl before it careened over the table's edge from Jack’s vigorous stirring. “You could’ve seriously hurt yourself. If I ever meet John…”

Dean grinned. “He’s lucky he never met you.”

“Exactly.”

"Done," Jack announced, dropping the whisk. Dean raised an eyebrow at the bowl where the mix was only half-combined, dry powder still clinging to the bowl.

"Looks good, kid," he told him, and picked up the flimsy pink whisk to finish stirring.

Jack protested, though, grabbing his hand. "Done!"

"It just needs a little more," Dean told him. "Look, it's not totally mixed."

"Hey, Jack," Cas said. "Help me pick out stuff to put in our pretzels." Successfully distracted, Jack clambered over to him and Cas carried him to the pantry.

Dean finished stirring the mix quickly. "Good choice," he heard Cas say and looked over to see him grabbing a bottle of soy sauce. Oh boy.

The oven chimed, announcing it was pre-heated, and Dean stared at the lumpy excuse for dough in the bowl. Maybe it’d look more appetizing when cooked.

"Chocolate chips, pepper, raisins, oregano," Cas listed, coming over and setting various items down on the table.

"Uhh." Dean stared at the box of corn flakes Jack carried over to the table, nearly as big as his torso. He couldn't figure out which items were Cas’ choice and which were Jack's suggestions. "Not really sure all this goes together."

"You never know," Cas said, picking Jack up and standing him on a chair.

He might not've known for sure, but he was pretty sure he could guess. "Alright, well." He dumped the dough onto the table and divided it into small sections. "Time to experiment, I guess."

Cas sprinkled flour on the table so they could roll out the dough, but before he could even close the bag, Jack smacked his hand down on the table, sending a cloud of flour into the air.

Cas coughed, waving flour away from his face and Jack cackled, one palm dusted white. Dean laughed at Cas, until Jack leaned over and swiped at his t-shirt.

"Dude, seriously?" Dean asked him, brushing his shirt off. Jack only laughed, clapping his hands to send more flour floating in the air. "How ‘bout you put the flour to good use?" Placing a small ball of dough in front of Jack, he propped up the box that the mix had come in and studied the instructions for forming a pretzel shape.

"So first you roll the dough out into a rope," he said, following along with the pictures. "Then you form it into a u-shape." He glanced at Jack to see if he was paying any attention, but Jack seemed more interested in rolling the dough around the table and through the flour. Then he yelped, staring at his hands in bewilderment.

"I'm messy," he said, staring at the dough sticking to his fingers. He held them up to Cas, who told him.

"You have to get your hands dirty." Taking one of the balls of dough, he poured some chocolate chips on it and began rolling them into the dough. "Look at Daddy."

Jack looked over at Dean, just as his dough rope tore in two. "Dammit." He balled the dough back together. “Let’s try that again.”

Before he could try, though, Jack started clamoring for the corn flakes, so Dean set a handful of the cereal on the table. "I think this is gonna mess up the baking times," he said, skimming the back of the box. "Recipe doesn't say anything about adding extra shit."

"This is a child's baking oven. It's supposed to foster fun and creativity." Cas nodded at the box.

Dean turned the box around. Fun for the whole family! it read along with a photo of perfectly formed pretzels. At the bottom, it also read, "Ages 8 and up." Ah. So maybe a little advanced for a four year old.

Corn flakes went flying and Dean dodged one shooting towards his eye. Oblivious, Jack continued crushing the cereal with the flat of his hand, a gleeful smile on his face.

"Yup, uh, good enough," Dean said quickly, grabbing Jack's hands.

"No!" Jack yelled, trying to get out of his grip.

"Take the oregano," Dean said quickly, hoping for a distraction. It worked, except now he had to hand over the container and watch Jack sprinkle the herb all over the near vicinity. Maybe he could pass off clean-up duty to Cas, who was making his own mess, adding food dye to his dough to make a swirl of purple and pink.

He helped Jack combine the corn flakes and oregano into the dough, then roll it out into a rope. Cupping Jack's hands, he guided him through curving the rope of dough into a U-shape, crossing the two ends twice, then pulling them over to make a rough pretzel shape.

“Hey, not too bad.” Pulling out his phone, he took a photo. "Smile for Charlie, Jack."

Jack held up the pretzel, effectively warping the shape, and grinned at the camera. "I make one for Auntie," he declared when Dean lowered the phone, and grabbed more dough to form his own pretzel.

“How did you do that?” Cas asked, studying the box. Going to him, Dean did the same thing he’d did with Jack, standing behind him and holding his hands to help him form a pretzel shape. Cas' fingers were dusted with flour, and Dean got a bit distracted by the way Cas leaned back against him, letting him guide him into creating a pretty decent pretzel. Not as perfect as the ones on the box, but close enough.

“I think I’ve got it,” Cas said, grabbing more dough and forming another pretzel in two easy swoops. Okay, way better than the one before.

“Did you just trick me into helping you?” Dean asked, pulling away from him slightly.

Cas tilted his head into him. “Mhm.”

Dean rolled his eyes but kissed his neck anyway.

Several tries and several more mishaps later, and they had a few semi-recognizable pretzels. Some they dipped into a cinnamon sugar glaze that came with the kit, others they placed as is into small, pink, round dishes.

“They go in here and cook for ten minutes,” Cas instructed, helping Jack push the dishes inside the oven. Jack peered into the opening, then back at Cas and Dean.

“Done now?”

“Gonna be a long ten minutes,” Dean said, setting the timer.

They tried to clean up as the pretzels cooked, though Jack was covered in so much flour, food dye, and dough that he left a trail wherever he moved. And he would not stop moving. As Dean tried to wipe down the table, Jack ran loops around the island, and when Cas tried sweeping, Jack decided to start spinning around in the middle of the kitchen until he fell over. Then do it all over again.

“If he has this much energy now, what the hell’s he gonna be like when you give him a chocolate chip pretzel?” Dean asked Cas, putting the oregano and soy sauce back. He had no idea which pretzel Cas had slipped the sauce into and was not eager to find out.

“That may have been an oversight on my part,” Cas admitted. The oven beeped and Jack rushed to the table.

“Petzel!” he began chanting again.

"Don't touch," Dean warned, using a tool from the kit to pull the dishes out of the oven and place them on the table.

“Which one do you want to try first?” Cas asked Jack, who took a moment to study the pretzels before pointing to the purple and pink one—or what was once those colors but had now taken on a more bloody appearance.

"It's pretty," he said.

“Yes, it is,” Cas agreed, transferring the pretzels onto a plate. Dean turned off the oven, then startled when Jack began crying.

“Hot!” Jack cried, pointing at the dish Dean had told him not to touch. In hindsight, he should’ve realized the temptation would’ve been too much to resist.

“Let me see,” Cas said, taking Jack’s hand.

“No, it hurt,” Jack cried, trying to pull his hand away.

“Alright, alright.” Scooping Jack up, Dean carried him over to the sink and turned on the cold water. When he held Jack’s hand under the stream, Jack squirmed, trying to get away.

“Cold!” he yelled.

“I’m trying to help, dude,” Dean told him. “This’ll make it feel better.” More startled than hurt, it seemed, Jack calmed down after a few seconds. Turning off the water, Dean studied his finger. Not even a blister, but he nodded at Cas. “Think Dada can help?”

Jack nodded and held out his finger to Cas. "Booboo.” Cas took his tiny hand and kissed his finger.

“Are you too injured to eat a pretzel?” he asked.

“No!” Jack yelled, suddenly all energy again, squirming out of Dean’s grasp. Dean set him down and he ran to the table, clambering on a chair to grab the purple/pink monstrosity of a pretzel.

“Try one,” Cas told Dean, joining Jack and pushing over the plate.

Dean grimaced, but chose the cinnamon sugar and corn flake one. Why that was even a combination was beyond him. Bracing himself, he took a bite. Okay. Dry. Pretty bland. Crunchy which was just wrong, but not horrible—wait. He took that back. Oregano and cinnamon sugar did not go well together.

"Um. Well.” He choked down the rest of the bite and set the pretzel back on the plate. “These are, uh..."

"Not good," Cas finished. He squinted at his own pretzel, then took another hesitant bite. Instantly, his face screwed up, and he shook his head, dropping the pretzel onto the plate. “It seems you were right. Soy sauce, pepper, and raisins do not mix."

“Who would’ve thought?” Dean deadpanned. Jack munched happily on his pretzel, cinnamon sugar covering his chubby cheeks. “Someone’s enjoying them, at least.”

“For Charlie,” Jack announced, pointing at one of the pretzels on the plate.

“She’ll love a day-old pretzel,” Dean told him.

“Yes, she will,” Cas said, giving Dean a look. He pushed Jack’s hair back from his face. “It’s the thought that counts.”

Jack abandoned the colorful pretzel for the chocolate chip one, then the corn flake one. True to his word, he left one untouched on the plate for Charlie. She would get a kick out of it when she visited. I knew he'd love it!! she'd responded to the photo Dean had sent her of Jack holding up a pretzel.

“This was fun,” Cas said, a smile on his face, watching Jack.

“Yeah.” Dean looked over at the mess of bowls and dishes in the sink and back at the flour streaked table. Making a fist over his open palm, he said, “Loser has to clean.”

Cas straightened, a competitive gleam in his eye. “Agreed.”

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.” Cas threw scissors and Dean threw paper.

“Dammit,” he exclaimed. “You always do rock.”

Cas grinned. “And so I conditioned you to think I’d do it now.”

“Christ, when’d you get so conniving?” He got up and asked Jack, “You wanna help your old man clean?”

“No, tank you,” Jack replied.

“‘Least he was polite,” Cas said.

“Good luck getting him down for a nap later.”

“Why’s that my job now?”

“Sorry,” Dean turned on the water to start scrubbing the bowls. “Can’t hear you over all the cleaning I’m doing.”

Cas rolled his eyes. Dean grinned when Jack offered him a bite of his pretzel and Cas had to act like he enjoyed it. Turning back to the sink, he grabbed the sponge. This was a lot of fun.

[therealbosszombie]

Had some thoughts about [Hyperlink Blocked] and a Machine from Deltarune...

Minor to Major Spoilers below the cut.

(Also I love we can use their own references as a means of avoiding spoilers.)

Spamton’s interactions just hit so much harder than Jevil’s you know. Yes, they’re both otherwise normal people driven insane by a (potentially the same) 3rd Party influence. I love that funky little Gremlin Jester, but outside of “Crazy,” there really isn’t much to him. Spamton’s another story.

When we encounter Jevil, he’s too far gone to be helped in any way besides putting him to rest, one way or another, to stop him from harming himself or others. He is irreversibly damaged, and there’s not much we can do about it. We can do nothing but pity him.

But Spamton? This man is still teetering on the precipice. He CAN be helped. And you can even see the influence we have on him based on following the “Pacifist” or the “Weird” routes.

The Weird Route results in Spamton fully embracing the greed and insanity that have doomed him, leading him to be a complete villain. He furthers your corruption while you further his.

On the Pacifist Route, however, he’s trying to do whatever he can to be “Free.” He thinks if he gains enough power, he’ll be able to free himself from the very things that corrupt him in the Weird Route. Some fragment of his “true” self is still inside of him, and it occasionally leaks out, like when asking about his fears, or other subjects that are related to his loss of self. You can tell which Spamton you’re getting, because the true Spamton uses normal grammar that isn’t all Capital letters and doesn’t have Spam Email subject inserts.

He’s actually happy when he realizes we’re trying to severe the connection he has to power. He realizes that it’s not power that he needs, but simply, friends. Friendship and Kindness will set him free from his shackles, not cutting deals and manipulating others.

And during the Neo fight itself? Spamton will occasionally simply say “Help” on his turn in the Pacifist route. He doesn’t do that in the Weird route. He’s not trying to free himself on the Weird Route. He’s trying to become the Monster he was afraid he’d be. Because he’s interpreted, based on our actions, that being a monster is better than being yourself.

It’s just fascinating, and I can’t wait to see what the other “Shadow” Bosses have in store for us.

Also, and slightly unrelated, my little brother pointed out to me that, since in this Timeline Alphys never became a Scientist, she simply had a passing interest in a Neo robot design just from her love of anime. She is probably the Lightner that both Swatch (The Head Butler who operates the Cafe in Queen’s Mansion) and Seam mention who had a love of that machine.

And the reason the Neo robot looks so janky compared to Mettaton Neo is because of Swatch’s help. All Darkners have a corresponding “Real World” form, with the majority of the Cyber World’s real forms being computer Programs. Swatch, given his personality and design, is most likely some form of Art Program.

Essentially, Alphys drew the Neo robot in the Deltarune equivalent of Microsoft Paint (With Swatch being the personification of that program, hence his “help”), then either left it in the recesses of the Computer’s files, or deleted it altogether.

The reason why Spamton Neo may actually be a super powerful robot with high attack and defense, while Mettaton Neo was essentially a Paper Mache doll, is because the Neo Robot in Deltarune was never real. It simply had ideas and hopes pinned to it, so it could essentially be as powerful as the creator wanted. And when something is created in the Dark World, it reflects intentions, not just aesthetics.

[everygame]

Ice Climber (NES)

Developed/Published by: Nintendo R&D1 / Nintendo Released: 30/1/1985 Completed: 16/05/2022 Completion: Beat all 32 levels, but not in one go or anything. Trophies / Achievements: n/a

Ah. Ah man. Have you ever played this? I mean man. You are literally never going to believe this one. I’ve lamented before that the “Nintendo Seal of Quality” is essentially meaningless in 2022, but turns out it didn’t mean that much in 1985 either. A lot of the NES games so far I think I’m happy enough to call products of their time and/or just not being to my taste (I don’t care about Baseball; Tennis games have simply improved too much, etc. etc.) but Ice Climbers has to be the first Nintendo game I’ve played where I could easily believe it’s just so badly done it’s close to broken.

It’s so bad, to be honest, that I’m not going to take any more shit from people who grew up on the NES talking smack about the home computers people in the UK grew up on. People talking about janky play, crappy jumps. But listen to me sunshine; when Miner Willy jumps, you know where he’s going to land! Go off and play Ice Climber and see how you feel!

But seriously folks, if you play Ice Climber the very first thing you are going to notice is the completely insane jump. Initially you’re going to be like “this jump is very weird and high and floaty?” and then you’re going to be like “HOW AM I NOT LANDING ON THE PLATFORM” for all of the rest of the hours or more likely minutes you play the game.

You see, Ice Climber has a very weird decision to be extremely strict about whether you are actually landing on a platform when you jump. It seems to require most of your sprite to be over the platform to “count” meaning that if you’ve played literally any other game ever your mindset of “as long as my character is at least slightly over the platform edge, they’ll make it” is just going to fuck you up. Over and over. And over again.

It’s not helped, to be honest, by a jump that is already extremely demanding to understand. There’s a gap of time before left/right movement seems to kick in, so it seems to feel better to not push a direction until you’re actually in the air, but then also left/right momentum from the moments prior jumping does seem to have some sort of effect? Although what feels like nine times out of ten you’ll still fall off the edge of the platform. 

This is made even worse by truly bonkers level design. First, to describe the game better, you’re simply a little fella in a parka who is trying to get up 32 mountains to collect the vegetables a… pterodactyl(?) has stolen. Each mountain follows the same design: you’ve got about eight “levels” of platforms, which are generally made of ice-blocks that you break with your head, ice-blocks you can’t break with your head, and moving clouds you can ride, before a “bonus stage” where you try and collect the vegetables without fear of dying by falling off the bottom of the screen (as you can and will do in the “main” level.)

On the way up you face off against wee yeti characters, the Topi, who shovel ice to add platforms (often undoing the space you’ve made to jump through, but in other situations increasing your safety) and birds that just fly about being fucking annoying. Oh, and also a bear in sunglasses shows up to bump the screen upwards if you’re taking too fucking long, which you probbably are because you’re expected in many cases to do pixel-perfect jumps with that fucking jump!

Let’s talk about that level design. Pretty much as soon as you’re “comfortable” the game is like “ok, jump through single spaces between ice-blocks even though your character is wider than that. Oh and also if they’re non-destructable ice-blocks I don’t think that’s possible ever? And if you jump against a wall when trying you’ll bounce off it. And here’s some tiny platforms to stand on, like one or two ice-blocks wide… did I mention they’re actually conveyor belts? Yeah, fight that the whole time, and then jump on a tiny cloud that’s moving incredibly fast. Oh and also we’ve been pretty careful to make sure that you can get yourself into nigh-unwinnable situations due to the way we’ve positioned walls of ice-blocks. Have fun!

It is, and I’m really not joking, crazy. I actually can’t get over that anyone at Nintendo went “no, this is good.” I understand that this was released in the first month of 1985 in Japan, but [checks notes] oh yeah Nintendo made Donkey Kong! It’s not like they’re having to go out there and rip off Joust again! 

I don’t know if I should be proud, really, that I finished this (not that there’s an ending, it just loops after level 32) although they must have known that people would get pissed off with this because it just allows you to pick any level to start from, allowing you to brute force your way through this level by level. Even though, really, once you’ve seen the first couple of levels you’ve seen everything there is to see outside of “different brutally crappy level design.”

Will I ever play it again? No. I’ve heard some argue that the game is a lot more fun in two-player, which is probably true, but that jump man. It’s just not worth it.

Final Thought: I suppose I skipped the fact that your wee hero has a hammer, which he can use to batter the Topi (who are, amusingly/controversially, seals in the Japanese version) but even though it’s a game about breaking ice blocks you don’t actually use your hammer for that but your head, and when you jump you can kill birds but only if your hammer is what collides with them (this is another insanely annoying thing.) It’s pretty mental to make an entire game about something that I do my best to avoid as a level designer (the player hitting their head of ceilings) and make it feel this crappy.

But of course, the argument to be made for Ice Climber is that it informed the design of Super Mario Bros., which came about six months later, what with the fact that Mario is always hitting his head off blocks and shit. And, as I remarked a long time ago while writing about Super Mario Bros. Deluxe, it’s not like the first Super Mario Bros. doesn’t have a quirky sort of game feel anyway. But the original Mario Bros. also had head bumps in it, and was also shit, so I dunno how well that holds (outside of the fact that programmer Kazuaki Morita considered this a “warm up” before working on Super Mario Bros.) 

Anyway. Ice Climber. Not even once.

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[dreadpoetssociety]

Fevers Don’t Exist

TW: Fever ? (I’m not sure what counts for triggers so pls lmk if I miss anything)

Prompt: hi!! could u do one maybe where like, the reader is an actress on supernatural and she plays like their younger sister on the show or something and she gets sick at a con or something? Thanks !!

NOTE: Hey guys, I’m alive!!!! I know I have a lot of Spencer prompts atm, but it’s really hard to write them when I’m not like, hyper focused on Criminal Minds. I am going to try though! So sorry I’ve left so many of you in the wind, I am a very inconsistent person, my bad. But here’s this! It’s REALLY bad because I’m terrible at being realistic but like idk it’s something.

I really don’t even know what to put for tags on this. 

()()()()()() 

Ah, September. You knew what came along every September, and looked forward to it for the first eight months of every year. Secaucus, New Jersey. You loved every con you went to, truly. Everyone was so nice, you love staying in hotels, panels are such a great time, the whole thing. It's a great experience outside of the set to get connected with fans. And, they loved you almost as much as you loved them. You were typically closer in age, since you were still just a teenager. You also started out as a fan of the show before somehow snatching a role, so you really were with them at one point. Everything that excites them excited you just as much. And, you loved making friends with them. You weren't allowed to be reckless with your phone number, so you made a snapchat that you shared exclusively with con goers, whom you made swear to secrecy. It was like a club, and you just enjoyed genuinely talking to everyone. But, when you woke up that first morning, you knew it was going to be a long day. Your body ached, and you were still pretty exhausted. You had a fever, but didn't really know if it was a fever because you were still young, and God forbid you ever decided to recognize the signs of you being sick. It was almost like a form of denial, not knowing. You were sweating, but freezing, and your throat felt particularly dry. Your headache rested underneath your eyes for the most part, to which you just blamed on being tired. Your stomach didn't hurt, but you definitely weren't hungry. Even though you hadn't felt exactly 100% the past days before, and you obviously weren't feeling right now, you just deduced that it was all because you were tired, and had a late flight in. As a responsible person does, of course. You didn't even bother taking any medicine for it, because hey, you obviously weren't sick, you'd feel better in a bit, and you didn't have any, so why waste the time, right? 

You groggily got dressed and met up with "the boys" (even though they were all older than you) for the free breakfast downstairs, in a separate room, since fans did happen to stay in the same hotel. You grabbed some Cheerios, only to conspicuously throw them away after. 

"You good, Y/N?" Jared asked out loud, gaining the attention of Jensen, Misha, and Alex. You could feel their eyes burning through your skin. Or, maybe that was the fever. It had to be their eyes, you convinced yourself, you didn't have a fever. You were fine. 

"Yeah, why?" you asked, faking the perk in your voice and confused eyes. Your eyes felt really heavy, you noticed. 

"You just... You look exhausted. And pale." he said, "And you threw away that cereal without eating any of it." 

You looked down at yourself as an effect for what you were about to say, "Wow, well that's one way to make me self-conscious. I thought I looked kind of poppin'." you laughed slightly, trying to play it off. 

"W-wait, no that's- that's not what I meant! You look fine, I just-" he was embarrassed. You and the others chuckled.

"I'm kidding. I'm all good, just went to bed late, y'know?" you smiled. It was hard to try and mask the rasp in your voice, and doing so made you feel the need to cough, so you downed some water until it dialed down a bit. He nodded. In your mind, you blessed your acting skills, thinking you got away with it. What you didn't know was that Misha, Jensen, and Jared, as fathers do, knew every trick in the book, and each noted to keep an eye on you. Not to mention, they'd been acting far longer than you had, and could just tell when one switches into a character. They all figured that if you weren't sick now, you would be in days to come, and exchanged glances with each other, while Alex innocently continued to chew on his toast. 

"Well, if you're tired, I don't think you have a panel or anything for another hour or something, maybe you could catch up on some sleep then." Jared suggested. You shrugged.

"Nah," you said, "I've got photo-ops in like, twenty minutes. I should actually probably get going. I'll catch up later!" 

You left with a wave, and disappeared into the hotel somewhere. You stopped in your room, allowing yourself finally to set free the coughs living in the back of your throat. You blamed it on your throat being dry since you didn't drink enough water. Not on germs. So, you grabbed two water bottles from the small fridge in your room, and left, making your way towards the convention center.

  You felt slightly better during photo-ops, which just confirmed in your mind that it was impossible that you were sick right now. You smiled and talked to everyone. There was one girl, who introduced herself as Meredith, who stuck out in your mind. She gave you this super cool hand painted keychain, which you very excitedly put on your keys instantly.

"Dude, I've been looking for a cool keychain. Not just one of those janky ones you find at like 7-11, like a cool one. This is so exciting." you smiled genuinely. You had just recently bought yourself a car, and thought that your keys looked a little lonely, and searched for hours on Etsy for something to spice it up a bit. A weird obsession, thinking about it now.

She laughed, "I'm glad you like it!"

"Hell, yeah! Now, are there any poses you wanna do? Or do you just want to hit that casual look? I could make it look like I'm meeting you." you stupidly rambled. One of your traits that was so widely known was how funny and awkward (in a good way) that you were. It took you a long time to get to that point, though, because you were always anxious about meeting others. You still are every now and then, but it's different here. 

"I was just hoping to get a hug." she said, "If that's okay with you." 

"Yeah, that's cool!" you wrapped your arms around each other and shot the camera a grin. The girl looked a bit confused. 

"Hey," she said, quietly, "are you like, okay? You feel really hot."

Nervously, you replied, "Oh, no, yeah totally fine. I'm just wearing two layers, and it's getting spicy in here."

"Yeah," she answered, "don't push yourself, okay?"

"I won't, thank you. It was really nice meeting you!" 

"You, too! Thanks!" she waved goodbye and you moved on to the last few people in line. She was right, though. You realized that you felt worse than you did when you walked in. You thought it had gone away for a while, but now it was just amplified. You noticed you were cold again, but that you were sweating as well. It must've just been the temperature in the room. These conventions aren't always able to keep a steady temp in the entire building, right?

This day, you didn't have much to do. Most of your events were on the other days to come. You had one panel in a few hours, and then a panel with Jared, Jensen, and Misha a few hours after that, and then bam, the day was over. You just had to get through those two events. Just two. 

Two, events. And both were an hour. So, two hours out of the day. Rookie work. Yet, as your panel approached, the headache had expanded from under your eyes to anywhere that there was space to hurt, your throat ached and so did your lungs from how much you were going off somewhere to cough in privacy, your body felt heavy, you couldn't tell if you were hot or cold at this point it was some weird combination of both, your stomach hurt just slightly, the world was moving around you a bit more than it usually would, and the fever you "didn't" have had climbed a degree, probably two. And, at some point during the day, you got pretty congested. You felt like you could just fall asleep at any moment. Jared and Jensen happened to be walking by where you had been waiting by yourself, away from any congoers or employees, and noticed that even though you were leaning against a wall, you somehow were still swaying.

"Y/N?" Jensen called out, worried. You heard him, you knew you were supposed to respond, but didn't know how. Maybe you did have a fever, and maybe you sort of let it out of control. It was like you were comprehending them, but not at the same time. You heard everything, but it just swept right through your feverish mind. The walked in front of you and examined you within seconds. You felt Jared's cold, really abnormally large man hand sweep your hair back and land on your forehead. 

"J, she's burning up." you felt another hand on your face. You, quite exhaustedly, swatted it away. They couldn't figure out how it'd gotten so bad so quickly. You were sick this morning, but not to this degree. They knew then that you had just shrugged it off all day, and your teenage fever brain probably didn't even think to take any kind of medicine or anything for it, even if you were trying to hide it.

"I'm good. Just tired. Fevers don’t exist." you finally mumbled, taking a few deep breathes, which you hadn't really been able to do in a bit without being rudely interrupted by a bone-shaking cough. It felt nice, almost. The boys sighed at you and shook their heads. 

"Y/N, you should go back to your room and get some rest. We can bring you some stuff that'll help." Jared suggested. You shook your head and opened your eyes, which somehow felt even heavier.

"Nah," you said to them, "I've got a panel, I think, in like, I ‘dunno, some minutes or something. Something I-" you pushed yourself off the wall to try and make your way somewhere, but stumbled a step or two, which result in Jensen and Jared instinctively to grab you in order to keep you steady.

"Like hell we're letting you go to that, Y/N, you can't even form a sentence, or stand for that matter. You're out of your mind. We're going to bring you back now, we'll take care of your panel thing." Jensen stated pretty sternly. You were about to fight back, and they could see it, but you coughed a few times, and they could almost feel it in their own chests. You just nodded in defeat.

"Yeah, maybe I could just like, sleep, for an hour or two." you whispered, tiredly. The two were still holding you steady, and could see you already falling asleep before even going anywhere. 

"Or six, by the looks of it." Jared joked lightly.

"Poor kid." Jensen said to Jared as the were walking out of your room. They helped you get there, and you were gone before you even saw the bed, "Why do they always have to pretend like they aren't sick? Look where it gets them."

"Don't know, man. You can't talk, though. You literally tell people you are immune to illness." Jared laughed quietly, shutting you door.

"Well I am. I am the perfect example of health. I don't get sick." 

"Yeah," Jared rolled his eyes, "Right. Watch you catch what Y/N has. You practically carried her all the way here. There's no way you're escaping it." Walking towards the center, the back way of course, Jensen scoffed, "Please, germs take one look at me and know not to mess this up. And, by the logic, that means you're already infected, too. So, tell me, princess, what sort of soup do you want spoon-fed?" 

Again, Jared rolled his eyes, and the two laughed. They weren't making fun of you, they were making fun of each other, and knew that you would've wanted in on that action.

"Y/N probably would've destroyed us if she heard that. Something along the longs of 'You want me to tuck you in? Carry you bridal style?'" Jared pitched his voice a tone higher for it. Again, the two men laughed.

They made their way backstage of what's supposed yo be your panel, and informed the crew about what was going on. They were just going to fill in for you, probably tell a few embarrassing stories.

When they made their way through the curtain, the crowd shouted. They were obviously excited to see the two leads, but also were obviously confused. "Alright, you're probably confused." Jensen stated the obvious, "Because obviously, we look nothing like Y/N, and thank God she does not look like us." The crowd laughed.

"Anyway, Y/N can't make it today. She's really sick-" the crowd cut Jared off with a unison "awe." People yelled out that they hoped she felt better, tell her to take care of herself, and so on.

"Yeah, poor kid looked like she was just going to fall asleep right where she was standing. She literally tried to come anyway, like, kid, you're making no sense. Y/N couldn't really fight against us, though, so she's sleeping now." Jensen explained, "So we came here to chat in her stead, but just know she really was planning on coming. That kid loves you guys." and again, the "awe" rolled through the crowd. 

"If she wasn't sick, she could totally kick both your-" the last word was cut off, but was implied anyway, someone screamed from the crowd, which resulted in laughter.

"Yeah, probably. Even if we were stronger than her," sarcastically, of course, "she'd still beat us. Kid's too fast, and I'm too old." Jared laughed.

In the last ten minutes of the panel, Jared decided to give you call. Not only to check in on you, but so you could at least say hi to your crowd. When you heard the phone ring, you groggily opened your eyes and aimlessly reached for it.

"Hello?" you answered. Jared almost frowned at how sick you sounded, even with just one word.

"Y/N?" Jensen stepped in, "It's Jensen."

"Unfortunate." you sighed exhaustedly. It was joke, a really tired one, but still enough to make the crowd laugh.

"We're here at your panel, we thought you might want to say hi." Jared said loudly, holding the speaker of his phone to the microphone. 

"Panel?" you asked. Panel? What panel? Your delirious mind was clearly confused, "Who's that?" 

"Y/N, the con. The convention panel?" Jensen actually sounded worried. They probably should've thought to give you some sort of medicine to do something about the fever you had before they'd left.

"Oh," you closed your eyes again, almost falling asleep, before remembering finally what it was they meant, and after a moment, "Oh! Crap, the panel thing, I'm late."

"No, Y/N, stay there, we've got it covered remember? You can't come. You can say hi to them, though." Jensen interjected quickly.

"Okay, hi guys." you just followed as told.

The crowd responded with a series of hello's. 

"'M really sorry. I hope they aren't boring you." the two men could practically hear you closing your eyes. The crowd responded in inaudible chatter. Jensen and Jared walked from the mic for a second.

"Sorry if we woke you, kid." Jared apologized, having just realized they probably could've left you alone, "W also just wanted to check in. See how you're doing."

"How are you feeling?" Jensen asked, but got a mumbled word in response, "Alright, well, just go back to sleep, we'll be up there soon." 

Jared hung up the phone, and the two began to answer the last few questions and close up. They waved their goodbyes to the crowd, and started heading back your way.

"Jensen, you got any over the counters with you? Thermometers or anything? All I've got is Advil, and I don't even know what's really bothering her yet other than that cough and being tired."

"Yup. Danneel always makes me carry literally an entire medicine cabinet, just for these moments. I'll go get 'em and meet you there. It'd probably do her some good to eat something, too. I don't know if she's got like, a stomach virus thing going on, though." Jensen answered.

"I'll see what she'll say and let you know." 

The two parted ways, and Jared made his way to you. Even though he'd only talked to you just a few minutes before, you were dead to the world by the time he opened the door. The room was boiling, and Jared looked over to the thermostat to see that you'd at some point put it on to 90 degrees. 

"Jesus, Y/N, I know you've got a fever, but damn." he said, more so to himself than to you. He looked over at you after turning it down to see you curled beneath what looked like any blanket you could find. He came over and started removing the blankets slowly, and shook you gently to wake you up.

"Y/N, wake up for a minute, it's Jared."

"'Mm." was all you said, until you realized your layers of warmth had been moved, "What're doing? It's cold."

"Y/N, you're dripping in sweat. It's the fever making you cold."

"I don't have a fever." you retorted, "I'm good. Just tired."

"Kid, you've been tired the whole day. You've been sleeping this whole time." he tried rationalizing.

"I have?" you questioned, closing you eyes again. Jared put his hand to your forehead again. Somehow, it was warmer than the first time he'd done it before the panel. It was then that Jensen finally appeared, a whole bag of things in hand, "Could you bring the thermometer over?"

"Yeah, gotcha." He walked over and rummaged through the bag at the same time, pulling out a thermometer.

"Y/N, we need to take your temperature." Jensen said.

"No need." you said, "'M not sick."

"You are so obviously sick, I'm not asking." again with that stern voice. Jared gave him a "Hey, she's sick, back off a little" sort of look, but it had worked, and you let them take your temp. They were almost shocked when the thing beeped at 103.

"Should we take her to a hospital? That's way too high." Jared asked. 

"If it gets any higher, yes, but let's see if we can bring it down first." Jensen replied.

"No hospitals." you demanded, opening your eyes and glaring at them. 

"We aren't bringing you yet, Y/N, but I need you to eat this so you can take some meds." he held out two pieces of toast that he must've brought from his room. You hated toast even when you weren't sick.

"I'm not really hungry." 

"I know, but it'll help. You haven't told us what's bothering you yet, either." Jared responded.

"Nothing's-" you coughed a few times, a bit violently, "bothering me." "We can see that." Jensen said sarcastically.

"Everything's bothering me." you whispered, giving up.

"Your stomach hurt?" Jensen asked. You waved your hand from side to side to signal a so-so, "Think you'll get sick at all?"

"No, it's not like that, I don't think." you breathed out, another cough escaping you. You took a few bites out of the toast. It made you uncomfortable, but it was then that you realized you probably felt that way since you really hadn't eaten much that day or the one before, which probably contributed to the splitting headache. It didn't go away after, either though. You pushed yourself up. You almost fell over, but Jared put a hand out for you.

"Alright, good. Take this. I'm going to be frank, it tastes disgusting." Jensen handed over a small cup of liquid, "Sometimes, if you take it like a shot, it helps. But you shouldn't know how to take shots, but if you do it, I won't judge." And so you did, causing the two to chuckle slightly at you. 

"You were right, about the sleep thing." you slumped back onto the bed heavily, like a brick.

"When am I ever wrong?" Jensen asked, "Don't answer that, actually."

But you were already sleeping again, and the boys decided to stay nearby for now. The next panel wasn't for another few hours anyway, and they just didn't want you to be alone. Also, incase you were wrong about the toast, and it decided to make its return. Jared's phone began to ring loudly, to which he very quickly tried to answer so his obnoxious ringtone wouldn't wake you up again, not that you wouldn't have just fallen back asleep anyway.

"Misha? Hey, what's up?" Jared answered. Jensen walked over to hear what was going on on the other side of the line, but Jared just decided to put it on speaker.

"Where are you guys? I haven't seen you all day. Felicia, Alex, and I are going out for lunch, we were wondering if you guys want to come. I tried calling Y/N, but she didn't answer, so." he rambled.

"That's because Y/N's not feeling well." Jensen said, giving him a solution to his predicament of not being answered, "We're with her right now, so we'll have to pass."

"She's sick? Is she okay?" 

"Yeah, I think so. She's just got this crazy fever we've been trying to bring down. Thinking about it now, Jensen, we should probably check it again." 

"A fever?"

"It's been at 103 degrees for like, two hours. At least for what we know of. She's probably had one all day, but as a dumb teenager does, she just tried to ignore it." 

"If it goes up you should-"

"Yeah, we know," Jared said, "we're trying really hard to avoid that, though. Also, she'll definitely fight against it, I don't know." 

Jensen, from the other side of the room at the sound of a beeping thermometer, could be heard on Misha's end, "It went down, finally. 102.2."

"Thank God, I was getting worried."

"Should I come there? Do you guys need any help?" Misha asked.

"I mean you can, but I think we're good. She's just been trying to sleep it off the whole time, so not much is really going on." Jensen was closer to the phone now, "Like, she's got this cough, a headache, and you can hear how congested she sounds, but mostly I think she's just exhausted. I honestly don't know how because she's just been sleeping for hours."

"Fatigue."

"Yeah, poor kid. I don't think I've ever seen her so tired, it almost makes me tired to be honest." Jensen joked.

"Maybe you're just getting sick." Jared slipped in.

"Not possible. I am immune."

"Nobody is immune, Jensen." Misha sighed.

"I'm not nobody." he shrugged. 

"Alright, well, we're going to get lunch then. If you need anything let me know, and tell her I hope she feels better." Misha concludes.

"We will, thanks Misha." and with that, Jared hung up. For a few more hours, the two hung around. They were there when you woke from some fever dreams, and when you needed a cough drop, or twelve, and wake you up every now and then to check your temperature, which raised and dropped and raised and dropped, but currently was at a very steady 102.4. But, soon enough, it was time for them to leave for the last panel of the day, and unsurprisingly, you tried to follow suit.

"Y/N, we gotta go, but we'll be back in about an hour from the panel." Jared said. You took a deep breath and sluggishly pushed yourself to the side of the bed. Having been sick, and not having sat up in a few hours, the blood rushed from your head, leaving you dizzy.

"What're you doing?" Jensen asked.

"The panel. I missed the last one I should go to this one. I feel okay." you yawned, then coughed slightly.

"Y/N, really, you shouldn't even think about pushing it like that." Jared said. Jensen walked over to you, half on the bed, clearly trying to steady yourself just from the movement of sitting up. The spinning room honestly almost made the toast make a reprise, and you hiccupped, and held your breath.

"Hey," Jensen grabbed a can quickly, noticing, "are you going to be sick?"

Giving it a minute, it went away, and you shook you head no, causing a huge tension to leave the room.

"Alright, well, remember how you said I was right all the time earlier?" Jensen pun the can down.

"No, must've been the fever." you half joked, causing Jared to laugh. 

"Alright- well- okay, shut up. We agreed I'm always right, and that I was right about needing sleep, so I say you need some more." Jensen demanded rather than suggested. 

"Yeah, or at least lay around and do nothing. I can't imagine ever sleeping as much as you just did." Jared joked, pushing you very gently back down, with his hand on your back, knowing you would just hit the bed without it. Your eyes were heavy again, and your throat was painfully dry, and you coughed. Your aching head also agreed with the two of them to your dismay.

"Maybe just a bit more." you mumbled, "A few minutes."

"Yeah a few minutes, sure." Jared smiled, knowing you were probably going to knock out for a few hours once again. You opened your eyes again.

"You think," you coughed, "that they'll be mad?

"Who?" Jensen asked.

Feeling pretty sick, you said, "That I don't go? I don’t feel really good."

Ah, the fever comes to play once again, it seems, but the two felt some sort of triumph now that you've at least admitted to being sick, even if it's been hours. It concerned them, though, if you felt bad enough to admit it.

"No, they'll be fine about it. We'll be back soon. Misha or Alex might come in to check on you, alright?" Jared answered, to which you nodded.

They weren't gone long. You spent half the next day sleeping, too, until you could stand without swaying. You did sneak back to the con, against Jensen and Jared's orders, since you really didn't break that fever and cough for a few more days, only to be caught after a tweet of you at the con was trending and the cast caught wind of it. But, eventually, you were better, and got the chance to help Jared take care of an "always immune" Jensen. And he was more stubborn than you were.

[hood-ex]

Part 2 of the Dimension Switch Fic.  

“Grayson, what on earth are you doing?”

Dick turns his attention away from the meat lover's pizza he’s slicing to look over his shoulder at the kid who’s standing in the middle of the kitchen and giving Dick a disapproving glare. The kid, Damian, has his arms crossed over his long-sleeved shirt, and the way his shoulders are slightly hunched makes him look like a prickly, uncomfortable little cat. Dick would like to think the discomfort comes from the pair of beige chinos the kid is wearing, but if there’s anything he’s learned during his short time in this universe, it’s that Damian isn’t just any ordinary kid. That seems to cross over into how the kid likes to dress himself.

Dick motions to the pizza with the pizza cutter in his hand. “Making pizza. Want a slice?”

“What I want,” Damian says with a curled lip, “is for you to stop prancing around here in an indecent state.” He looks pointedly at Dick’s bare chest as if Dick’s exposed pecs are an offensive faux pas.

Dick cocks his hip against the counter and mirrors Damian’s crossed arms.

“That’s what’s got your thong in a knot?”

It’s only after he’s said it that Dick remembers that particular expression isn’t used in this universe. He’d found that out real quick the other day when he’d used it.

Tim had given him a confused look and asked, “Don’t you mean ‘don’t get your panties in a twist?’”

The kid had then started rambling about how the original phrase involved knickers and was created by the Brits and, well, Tim had reminded him so much of an excited puppy that Dick had just ruffled the kid’s hair after the explanation and gone on his way.

“Richard would never walk around without a shirt unless he was downstairs or in his apartment!” Damian says hotly.

Oh, Dick thinks, he just misses his big brother.  

He’d been informed about his 27-year-old counterpart—who he’s secretly been referring to as DG in his head—by Damian the first night he’d arrived in this universe. From what he’d heard, DG did sound kind of awesome. At least, Damian had made him sound that way after explaining that DG had been his Batman. What was less awesome was learning the reason DG became Batman in the first place.

Dick’s only slightly ashamed to admit that when he’d been left to the guest room he’d been given, he’d teared up imagining his dad dying and taking all the comforting warmth from the manor with him.

Even now, the thought of his dad’s death makes his mood sour. He tries not to let it show as he turns back to his pizza to move a few slices over to the plate he prepared.

“When your brother gets back, you can sing his praises for wearing a shirt. Me? I’m gonna keep doing my thing because no one’s gonna die from me not wearing a shirt.”

Dick doesn’t even have to be looking at the kid to know he bristles about one of the things Dick just said.

“Father and Pennyworth will not be pleased!”

Dick shrugs and moves to place the pizza cutter in the dishwasher. “They can tell me if it’s a problem.”

“I’m telling you it’s a problem,” Damian says, and Dick smoothly evades the fingers Damian tries to grip his arm with. Dick returns to his spot at the counter and grabs his plate in one hand and a single piece of pizza in his other.

“And I’m telling you to take a slice of pizza. Last chance.” Dick holds the slice out like some kind of peace offering.

The look of disdain Damian gives him reminds Dick of a wolf with its teeth pulled back in a threatening snarl.

“I’m a vegetarian,” Damian says through gritted teeth.

“You are?” And now Dick kind of feels like an asshole. “My bad, kumquat.”

“Tt!”

Damian marches out of the kitchen with all the rage of a thousand women scorned, and Dick breathes a sigh of relief once he disappears.

He can’t wait to be an only child again.

It’s only when he’s settled in the living room with his pizza and drink sitting on the coffee table that he tries to imagine himself being a big brother. As Starling, he had to deal with kids all the time. Comforting them when they were scared, entertaining them when they needed a distraction, giving them first aid when they were hurt, and holding their hands while waiting for the parents to collect them.

The only kid he knows personally that he’s always been fond of is J’onn’s daughter, K'hym. He’s taken her to the trampoline park a few times, always given her over the top gifts for her birthday, and will gladly give her a piggyback ride when she shyly asks for one. He likes teaching her things too. His chest is always filled with pride and purpose whenever she learns something she didn’t know before all because of him. And the smile he always gets whenever she excitedly wraps her arms around his legs and loudly proclaims how much she missed him? There’s nothing better.

He tries to imagine doing all that and more with four siblings and… he thinks he might like it. He thinks he might be good at it if given the chance. Hell, DG seems to be pretty good at it if the way Tim and Damian talk about him with affection and admiration is any indication.  

A frown crosses his face as he thinks about sharing his dad and Alfred with a bunch of other kids. It’s always been just the three of them since he’d been adopted at 4-years-old. Dad’s never shown interest in adopting more kids, probably because Dick’s always been a bit of a handful. Dad’s always been good at combating that by challenging him and keeping his mind sharp, but would he even have time to do stuff like that with Dick if there were more kids in the picture?

Dick wishes he could use this universe’s version of his dad to get some perspective on that. The problem is that Bruce is so different from his dad that he doesn’t think it’ll be a fair comparison. Plus, Bruce’s DG isn’t here so it’s not like Dick can watch them interact anyway.

It simmers on the back burner of his mind as he digs into his pizza and flicks on the TV. He surfs through the channels and ends up stopping on some show called Supernatural that’s got bad acting and janky special effects. He’s only able to watch it for half an hour before his leg starts bouncing out of boredom.

He spends the rest of his day in the cave alone while Bruce is at someplace called the Watchtower to finish making plans with Zatanna. There’s not anything productive for him to do since Bruce doesn’t trust him enough to use the big ass computer or the multiple other monitors that are down here.

Dick takes his time checking out all the cars and motorcycles that come in all different shapes and sizes. Most are sleek and black, and a few have red or white accents. He mostly finds himself drawn to the bikes. He can appreciate a good bike, and he wonders if DG is the same way.

Damian comes down from time to time, claiming to be keeping Dick company. Dick’s not fooled by the lie. He’s come to realize that Damian is just as wary of him as Bruce is, and he knows Damian just wants to keep an eye on him. Dick doesn’t blame the kid. It’s smart not to trust him. Smart, but annoying. He just wishes Damian would at least pretend to hide his intentions better by actually interacting with him rather than awkwardly skulking in the darkness.

Dinner ends up being a lonely affair. Damian congratulates him for finally putting on a shirt and then makes himself scarce. Alfred busies himself with baking a German chocolate cake rather than sitting to eat with him. Yesterday he’d at least had Tim to sit and talk with at the kitchen table. Tim’s not at the manor anymore though, and Dick doesn’t think he’ll get a chance to see him again before he goes back home.

Dick’s not prepared for the feeling of nostalgia that consumes him while he stuffs his mouth full of steak au poivre. He doesn’t know if it's the sight of all the empty chairs at the table or the silence that gets to him. He just knows that he misses his dad. He misses his Alfred. He misses them all sitting together at the table and talking about their days. He misses his dad’s morning hugs. He misses making dinner with Alfred. He misses having his dad’s undivided attention as they talk about everything and nothing. He misses singing dramatic renditions of Bobby Vinton songs with Alfred in the cave.

He feels like there’s some integral piece of himself missing. Like these days don’t matter unless they’re shared with his favorite people. It’s ironic considering he’s surrounded by people who look and talk the same as his family but aren’t them in all the ways that matter. It’s almost worse being around his family’s counterparts because it feels like normalcy is close within his grasp when in reality, it’s far away.

At least the steak here tastes good, Dick thinks as he takes his last bite of meat and washes it down with water.

There’s the sound of soft footsteps coming closer, and Damian suddenly appears in the doorway. He leans against the frame with his arms crossed, pointedly not looking in Dick’s direction.

“Pennyworth,” Damian says, and he waits for Alfred to look at him before continuing. “Father has returned to the cave and requests his dinner be brought downstairs.”

The homesickness and boredom that’s been swelling in Dick’s chest all day finally come to a head, and before he even realizes what he’s doing, he’s already on his feet.

“I’ll take it to him!” he says, and if he sounds a little too excited to do such a menial task, well, sue him. He really wants to see his dad. Even if said dad isn’t technically his real dad. They’re both still Bruce Wayne, and that’s enough for him. For now, at least.

Alfred blinks at him in surprise. Dick’s not sure whether it’s because of the offer itself or the enthusiasm behind it.

“Are you sure, Master Dick? As our guest, we certainly don’t expect you to—”

“I don’t mind,” he assures, waving off Alfred’s concern. “You’re busy making the cake and it’s not like I’ve got anything better to do.”

Alfred stares at him for a moment longer, and Dick’s not sure what he’s looking for, but whatever it is, it makes his eyes soften and his smile stretch.

“Very well, sir. I’ll put it all on a tray for you to take down.”

“Tt.” Damian rolls his eyes, pushing off against the frame and disappearing from sight. Dick kind of hopes he’s not going back down to the cave so that Dick can talk to Bruce without feeling Damian glaring daggers into his back.

Dick shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks back and forth on his heels while he waits for Alfred to put everything together. He can’t help but think about how his Alfred always hates it when he rocks like this in the middle of the kitchen, claiming that Dick’s restless energy gives him anxiety.

“Here you are,” Alfred says a minute later, offering the tray to him. Dick’s relieved to note that this tray has a cup holder to keep the drink from spilling. He’ll have to tell his Alfred about it when he gets back home. “You can leave the tray with Master Bruce.”

Dick takes the heavy load that makes his arms strain a little. “Thanks, Alf.”

He props the tray up on one hand, preferring to pretend he’s a waiter. He used to love pretending to wait on Bruce and Alfred when he was a kid. He would grab a random notepad and pen from Bruce’s desk, and he would take Bruce and Alfred’s orders. Bruce usually ordered some kind of fruit, and Alfred would typically request something easy like a bottle of water. Dick would happily carry the items to them on a tray, and once the items were accepted, Bruce and Alfred would pretend to pay him and tip him excessively. It was one of Dick’s favorite games to play.

He’s still smiling from the memory when he gets to the cave, and he tries to tamp it down as he approaches the chair Bruce is sitting at in front of the big computer screen. From what he can see, Bruce is wearing the batsuit without the cowl, and even though his eyes are glued to the screen, Dick can see how his shoulders tense the closer Dick gets.

“Hey, Bruce,” Dick greets as he places the tray down on the table’s limited free space. “I got your dinner.”

Bruce stops typing while he looks over the food on the tray with an impassive look. The dark circles under his eyes make the action look more intense than it has any right to be.

“Thank you,” he mumbles, resuming his typing.

Dick waits for some kind of follow up and frowns when there is none. It creates an awkward tension in the air, and for a brief moment, Dick thinks about slinking back up the stairs without another word. The eagerness in his chest won’t let up though, and he decides to poke and prod a little more.

“The steak is really good.” He leans against the side of the computer chair, his right hand dangling so that his fingers barely brush Bruce’s shoulder. Bruce stills at the touch for the briefest second. “You guys eat like kings here. Not that I don’t back home or anything. My Alfred’s an amazing cook too. He usually lets dad cook a few nights a week, and dad’s a good cook, y’know? He’s just not Alfred level good. So sometimes dinner can be kind of hit or miss.”

Bruce finally stops what he’s doing and cranes his head up to look at Dick with an unreadable look that makes Dick shuffle in place. He’s not nervous per se. He’s just… a little unnerved by how hard it is to read Bruce. It’s never this difficult to get a feel for what his dad is thinking.

What Bruce finally ends up saying is, “I don’t cook.”

Dick raises a brow. “Ever?”

“Almost never.”

“Because you suck?”

Dick swears he sees the corner of Bruce’s mouth tilt up just the tiniest bit.

“Hn. That’s what I’ve been told.”

Dick pats Bruce on the shoulder consolingly, the material of the cape feeling rough and heavy against his fingers.

“I guess we can’t all be Gordon Hamsay’s.”

Bruce’s brow furrows. “Hamsay? It’s Ramsay in this universe.”

“Ramsay?” Dick says incredulously. “That sounds so weird.”

“Hamsay sounds wrong to me,” Bruce shrugs.

Dick clucks his tongue. “This universe fuckery is too much.”

“Speaking of which,” Bruce says, and any trace of lightheartedness is snuffed out of his tone. Now he’s all Batman, and Dick feels himself straightening out of habit. “We’ll be able to send you home this time tomorrow.”

Dick smiles, his heart leaping. Images of hugging his parents, sleeping in his own bed, and going out as Skywing flash through his mind.

“Really?”

“Zatanna pinpointed your universe a few hours ago. We decided to wait to make the switch until tomorrow when Doctor Fate is available to help us.”

Dick curls his fingers in his hair and tugs on the strands, trying to ignore the way his eyes sting. Home. He’s going home! He’s going back to his life! To his people! To his… everything!

“How are we gonna do it?” he asks a little breathlessly.  

Bruce turns away from him and looks back at the computer.

“That’s classified.”

“Sorry… what?” He doesn’t mean to shout, but he can’t help it because… what? “I’m not allowed to know how I’m getting home?”

“You know Zatanna is involved. What more do you need?”

“How about some details so I know you’re not just going to punt me off into the abyss!”

“That would require trusting you,” Bruce says, and okay, Dick knows as much. But still. Ow.

“And I get that! I just—” He takes a deep breath to calm himself down. “Look. I’m not asking you to give me the exact damn spell we’re going to be using, okay? I just want to know the gist of the plan. Am I going to have to do anything? Am I going by myself? Is Zatanna—”

“The plan is to take you back to your world tomorrow. End of story.”

Dick can feel something dark and ugly start to bubble up inside of him. He crosses his arms over his chest and holds on tight to keep himself from doing something childish like shoving Bruce’s rolly chair.

“What? You think giving me even the smallest bit of insight is going to be enough for me to blow up your whole world or something?”

“It could be. You could have sent yourself here to kill us for all I know.”

“Bullshit! If you really believed that, you wouldn’t let me stay here!”

“Wouldn’t I?” And now Bruce is on his feet and using his height advantage to loom over Dick like a dark shadow. “You think I’d rather have you out in the city where I can’t monitor you?”

“What I think,” Dick spits, “is that you’re a control freak.”

Dick thinks maybe Bruce has heard that before based on his lack of reaction to it.

“How many experiences have you had like this back in your world?” Bruce asks, stepping closer. Dick stands his ground, and they’re so close that he can feel Bruce’s body heat. “How many times have you had people from other universes invade your own?”

“I—” Dick scowls. “None.”

“Well, we’ve had our fair share of experiences with evil counterparts coming here to kill us and destroy our universe.” Dick blinks at the fury laced in Bruce’s voice. “So you need to understand that I won’t compromise our safety by giving you information you could use against us.”

Nothing’s funny, but Dick laughs anyway, and it’s like the grinding of a car that won’t start.

“You know what?” he asks, raking his fingers through his hair so hard that his scalp stings. “My dad would have trusted his friend with the truth compelling lasso to make any alternate counterpart’s intentions clear. But not you, right? You won’t—”

Bruce slams his hand on the table so hard that the black pen holder falls on its side and sends a handful of pens clattering to the floor.

Dick doesn’t even flinch.

“We’re done here. Upstairs. Now.”

Bruce’s face is cold like a blank mask that’s hard and unforgiving.

He’s seen his dad look that way at criminals before. Never at him. Never at his son.

Except he’s not this Bruce’s son, is he? And this Bruce isn’t his dad. This Bruce could never be his dad. Not with a look like that.

A knot forms in Dick’s throat. He should have stayed upstairs. He would have been bored, and he would have made himself so homesick he probably would have cried, but at least he wouldn’t feel like this.

Dejected. Sad. Miserable.

Lonely.

The worst thing is knowing that the way he feels is partly his fault.

He came down here looking for his dad, and instead, he got Bruce.

[sunflowersteves]

fright night || ch. one

vampire!bucky barnes x fem!reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: there’s something mysterious about your neighbor (loosely based off of fright night).

author’s note: happy spooky season! hopefully, I’ll get this mini series done before Halloween

warnings: supernatural beings, a coffin, v spooky, mentions of abusive relationship (it’s vague but still there so just a heads up!)

series m.list // main m.list

You groan in frustration as you try to close your janky trunk, your bags sitting near your feet. You smile in accomplishment as you finally close the trunk, taking a couple of steps towards the house.

Your eyebrows raise in surprise as you see a moving truck outside the Johnson’s home, which was right next door. The Johnson's had lived there for as long as you could remember, their house was the biggest on the corner of the cul de sac.

Your curiosity grew even further as the movers carried out dark Victorian furniture. The house was already red brick itself, with Victorian-styled towers and ornate trims that enhanced the railings of the home.

You grabbed your bags and started to move to the front door, still watching the movers do their job. You stopped for a second as you could feel a cold stare, and goosebumps rose on the back of your neck.

You quickly whipped around to see a blonde-haired man, his hands resting on the patio railing, Victorian brown contrasted with the maroon accented door. He didn’t look away as you stared back, you almost felt like you were drawn to him.

Something about his blue eyes and glistening lips curled up in a sneer made you want to run inside but your feet felt stuck to the ground as though you were in quicksand. The strange man leaned forward slightly, getting a much better view of you and you opened your mouth, wanting to say anything and everything.

“y/n, is that you?”

Your mother peeked out the front door, the work clothes she wore were sticking to her. You turned your attention away, walked up a couple of steps, and greeted your mother. You turn away from her and look at the neighbor’s house, eyes searching for the man again.

However, when you turned over to look at the patio, it was like he was never there.

“You okay, dear?”

Your eyebrows were furrowed and your mouth slightly agape, turning towards your mother you nod slightly. She gestures you inside but you pause in front of the front door, you shake your head slightly. It felt a bit ridiculous to be so suspicious of a neighbor you’ve never even met.

“Yeah, mom. I’m okay.”

You walked into the house and set your bags down in your bedroom. You walked back down stairs to see your mother cooking dinner, turning the noodles around with a pasta fork.

“How was your trip, dear?”

You take a seat on one of the bar stools in front of the island, sipping on a glass of water.

“It was good; not too much traffic.”

Your mother nods in approval and takes out plates from one of the cabinets for the two of you. She sets one of the plates down and spoons up the noodles with pesto sauce. She goes over to sit next to you, making a plate full of food for herself.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“What’s up, dear?”

You swirl the noodles around your fork, thinking of how you were going to tell this to her. You knew it was going to sound ridiculous but you couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in that house.

“Do the new neighbors seem… odd to you?”

She placed her fork down and turned to with a raised eyebrow, “what do you mean ‘odd’?”

You shrugged, placing a napkin in your lap. “When I arrived, I had this strange feeling that someone was watching me and when I turned around this blonde guy was staring. It felt like… I don’t know, I just couldn’t look away. I didn’t want to look away.”

Your mom contemplated speaking for a second, trying to find words for your situation. A large smile floated onto your mom’s face.

“Was he handsome?”

You roll your eyes and pick up your fork again, shoving as much pasta as you could. Your mom takes a sip of water before turning towards you, a lot more serious than before.

“I know it’s been hard, dear. I can’t ever imagine what you’ve gone through with all the things that Brock put you through,” you stopped for a second, frozen by the sound of that asshole’s name.

“But, I think it’s time you tried to move on. I don’t want you to think that every person out there is like him. You just need to find someone that’s right for you.”

You drop your fork, letting it clang onto your half empty plate of pesto and noodles. Tears well up in your eyes, a sob escaping your mouth. Your mom gasps and jumps out of her seat, enveloping you in a hug.

“I’m just so scared.” You whispered into your mom’s arms, holding her as tight as you could. She sighed slightly, her grip on yours was as tight as ever. Her heart burned for you, wanting nothing more than to take your pain away.

“I know, dear. I know,” and she held you there for a while, letting you talk and cry out all of your fears. You hadn’t visited her in a while and it felt good to get everything out. You had talked to her about Brock before, but definitely not all the intricate details of his suffering he made you go through.

Your mom looked at her watch before turning towards you, “why don’t you get some rest? I’m sure your trip was exhausting.”

She kisses your forehead and you nod, muttering a goodnight as well. You walked up the stairs to your childhood bedroom. You started to unpack, the suitcase resting on your old bed. Not much had changed in the room, everything was mostly still the same from when you were in high school.

You paused for a second, then walked around the room reminiscing about everything before you moved out. You picked up an old sports trophy and giggled a bit, silently wondering what your old teammates were up to nowadays. Still smiling, you walked over to sit on your window seat; it was always your go-two sitting spot.

You had cried, laughed, spied on your hot neighbor, and gossiped with your best friend on that seat. You sit down on the fluffy cushions and stare out the window, wondering all the times you have sat here for hours and hours on end.

Night has finally arrived. Faint clouds converged around the moon and crickets sang their melodies. You could tell that the night seemed cold; little pockets of air had rushed through the old window making you shiver slightly.

A giggle escapes your lips as you see an old teen romance novel placed randomly on your dresser next to the window. You grab the book and turn some pages, remembering the plot in an instant.

You dozed off while reading the book, not noticing how late it was. You paused, checking your phone. You muttered a quick “shit” at the clock, since it was about 3:00 am now. You were supposed to wake up early in the morning to help your mom with some house work. So much for trying to get a good nights sleep.

You took a slight peak out your window, clutching the paper book in your hand. Then you freeze, dropping the book in your hand and letting it fall to the floor.

There were two of your neighbors, heavy fog whispering around them. From your childhood bedroom, it was harder to see from being so but there was no doubt in your mind of what you saw. There was a new mysterious man who was accompanying the blonde one you saw earlier.

His skin was quite faded, paler than anyone you had ever seen. His hair was a chestnut brown and his eyes were like the sea. He wore a dark sweater and his demeanor seemed different from the one you had met earlier. You shivered from the mere thought of his presence, you wanted to be closer towards him.

You honestly had thought you were safe up in your room, however, he seemed to notice you. His eyes flickered up to your window and his stare was so forceful, you wouldn't dare look away.

A smirk reached towards his face, seeming like he knew something but you didn't.

But the thing was, it wasn’t the fairly handsome neighbor that caught your attention. It was what they were doing that made you drop your book in fear and surprise. Your neighbors had carried a coffin up to the front porch.

A fucking coffin.

bucky barnes taglist: @harrysthiccthighss​

marvel taglist: @harrysthiccthighss​ @fandomsandxfiles​

permanent taglist: @captainchrisstan​ @angstysebfan​ @teenagereadersciencenerd​ @hailmary-yramliah​ 

[youare-mysonshine]

funhouse || oscar diaz

Summary: reader convinces Oscar to go ghost hunting with her in an abandoned house and it’s both hilarious and terrifying.

Requested: yes! @varzling

Pairing: Oscar Diaz x reader, Jamal Turner x reader (platonic)

Warnings: cussing as per usual

Word Count: 4.9k

A/N: I loved this so much lmao I was born one week before halloween and I was obsessed with scary movies and spooky shit before I could even properly talk. I had the Chucky doll and my uncle called me Chucky because I was obsessed with that movie. This was one of my favorites to write because paranormal and horror stuff is my fav! This is me, I am reader lmao this was fun to write! I also did this in second person pov rather than third person which is what i normally do. let me know if you prefer this or if you prefer third person.

________________

“No.”

“Baby, come on! Please?”

It had all started when Jamal had mentioned in passing that there was an abandoned house only a few blocks away from where you lived. An abandoned house that people assumed was haunted. He had mentioned that he wanted to go ghost hunting with some equipment that he had bought but had been wary of it because he didn’t want to go alone.

You loved that stuff. Paranormal shit was your absolute favorite, so naturally, you agreed to go with Jamal. You were absolutely buzzing with excitement, and you had put it in your mind to convince Oscar to go with you two - but you knew that it wouldn’t be an easy feat.

You knew Oscar better than anyone and you knew just how jumpy and how fearful he was of paranormal stuff, which you found rather amusing given just how much of an intimidating man he was. Shit, people called him Spooky. You always took the time to tease him about it - you’d sneak up behind him wrapped in a white sheet (like a ghost) just to scare him, which he certainly didn’t appreciate it, but you found absolutely hilarious.

So getting him to agree to go with you and Jamal to ghost hunt was certainly a mission.

“Nah. I ain’t going.” He said, taking a drag from the cigarette he was smoking. You stood in front of him, holding his free hand and giving him those puppy dog eyes that he couldn’t resist. That would be why he wouldn’t meet your eyes, why he was looking everywhere but you, because he knew damn well he’d give in if he looked at you. You had him wrapped around your little finger.

“Oscar, please!” You dragged the word out, jutting your bottom lip out. “It’ll be fun!” That was when he finally looked at you, raising one of his perfectly arched eyebrows, a look that said ‘fun? Yeah right.’ “No, I’m serious. It’ll be fun. It’s like.. a cool, adventurous date night. When’s the last time we went out on an actual date together?”

“Jamal is going. I don’t think it’d be a date night if that travieso is going.”

“Okay, date night plus one. Baby, please come on. I want you to go. You don’t have to be scared. I’m sure it’s not haunted. Jamal said it was just rumors, and rumors are almost always just that - rumors. People see an abandoned creepy house and automatically assume that it’s haunted when it’s probably not.” You said, interlocking your fingers with his own. His fingers immediately tightened around your own, giving your hand a small squeeze. He took in another drag, those dark eyes you loved so much staring right into your own. The setting sun was hitting him just right, giving his eyes a honey colored look. Under the glow of the setting sun, he almost looked ethereal. Perfect.

“I ain’t scared.” He spoke, voice deep and gruff. You scoffed, giving him a tiny smirk.

“Really? Then prove it. Come with us tonight. You can protect me if I get scared. My big, scary Santo. My Spooky.” You walked forward, closing the already small space between the two of you, settling between his legs. Given he was sitting and you were standing, he was left looking up at you, you looking down at him. Your arms wrapped around his neck, fingers drawing random little shapes on his tan skin. You leaned your head down, your y/h/c/ hair falling from behind your shoulders. The tattooed man reached one hand up and tucked some of your hair behind your ear, but instead of removing his hand, he kept it there and instead used it to pull your head down further and further until there was nothing but a few mere centimeters between your lips.

You could feel his lips ghosting over your own, you could practically taste the cigarette he was smoking, the Red Bull he was drinking. It was entirely Oscar and you loved it. Closing your eyes, you finally closed the gap and connected your lips to his. Each kiss with Oscar felt as if it were the first one you shared. It never failed to take your breath away. As cliche as it was, it gave you butterflies. It sent tingles throughout your entire body. And you hoped that feeling would never fade away.

The hand that was cradling your cheek/head slid down your body until it came upon your ass, where Oscar grabbed a handful of supple skin and gave it a squeeze. You let out a small giggle against his lips and pulled away, eyes opening, lips slightly wet with saliva. You gave him the look, that small little smile on your eyes, eyes shining bright. Your man let out a deep sigh. He looked up at the sky, as if he were pondering and asking god why the hell he could never say no to you.

“Alright. Fine. I’ll go. But we ain’t staying long.” You gave him a grin, leaning down to kiss his lips once more.

“Yes! It’s gonna be fun, papas!”

And nighttime came sooner than Oscar would’ve liked. He didn’t outwardly admit it, but he was low-key nervous about going to this supposed haunted house. He was entirely and completely afraid, but he fully believed that there were ghosts, spirits, demons, things of that sort and he never wanted to dabble into that kind of shit for fear of being haunted or possessed. He was more afraid of the enemy that he couldn’t see than the enemy he could.

You and Oscar had climbed into his cherry red impala and went on your way to pick Jamal up at his house and no less than a second after you had arrived, the boy had come bounding out dressed in all black, carrying a backpack.

“I’m gonna regret this.” Oscar said as he caught sight of Jamal’s grinning face. You opened up the passenger side door and scooted over so that you were in the middle and Jamal could sit down. The young teen climbed into the car, shut the door and set his backpack down on the car floor.

“Spooky. Lady Spooky.” He greeted you both. You laughed softly at the name, meanwhile Oscar just stared straight ahead, putting the car into drive and pulling away from Jamal’s house.

“Hey Jamal.” You greeted, giving him a friendly smile. Despite the age difference, you genuinely loved and cared for all of Cesar’s friends. After all the shit that they had been through, you just wanted to try and alleviate some of the pressure and stress, you wanted them to feel like they weren’t alone. Maybe that’s also why you were so keen on accompanying Jamal on his ghost hunting journey.

After Oscar had asked for the directions of this supposed haunted house, with Jamal reiterating that lots of people had said it was haunted so it had to be true, he gave the direction and you three were on your way. You were actually buzzing with a nervous excitement. You had never done anything of the sort before, even if you’d always wanted to. But you were definitely nervous of what you’d find.

“What��s in the backpack?” You asked, nodding down at the black backpack that looked full to the brim with things. The over excited teenager gave a triumphant grin as he leaned down ever so slightly and scooped it up. He dropped it down onto your lap, the opening facing his direction, and you let out a little ‘oof’.

“I thought you’d never ask. Okay so, after finding out about this abandoned/ haunted house, I decided to create a ghost hunting pack. I ordered some stuff online. Let’s see..” He unzipped the backpack and began pulling things out one by one.

“I got this spirit box. This shit was not cheap either so it better work.” He pulled out this relatively large contraption that you probably didn’t know how to use.

“What’s that for?” Oscar piped in, taking his eyes off the road for a few seconds to glance over at what Jamal was holding.

“This is basically for whatever entity or spirit is present to communicate with us. We just turn this on, ask questions and wait for someone to talk back to us.” He set the spirit box down on his lap and then rummaged around the backpack again.

“A flashlight. I seriously doubt that janky place has functioning electricity. We’ll definitely need this. Also got us some walkie talkies incase we need to split up and cover some more ground.” You were genuinely amazed at how much stuff this kid could fit into a single backpack. And how seriously he seemed to be taking this entire thing.

“I also got this Digital thermometer to tell when the temperature has dropped. Apparently when there is an entity present, shit gets cold real fast. Let’s see… Oh! I also have holy water! And I brought the Bible. And a ouija board.”

“You fucking what?” You asked, lifting the backpack open to reveal that there was indeed a ouija board, a bible and holy water sitting inside.

“Oh hell nah. You ain’t using the ouija board up in there. You about to make us get a ghost.” Oscar said.

“And, don’t you think that if we used the ouija board while having these religious artifacts, we could potentially let something.. I don’t know, demonic in and make it angry?” You added.

“Okay first off, get a ghost? What the hell? How do you get a ghost? Do you purchase it? Is there a ghost store that I don’t know about?” He shot his words at Oscar, face twisted up in confusion. Oscar’s face had annoyance written all over it. You rested your hand on his hand and gave it a small squeeze. “Second of all, that is why I brought the holy water and the Bible, woman! You two are amateurs, seriously. If we were to potentially let something demonic in, we’d fend it off with holy water while reciting words from the Bible. Besides, Oscar has the cross necklace and the cross tattoo. No ghost or demon is fucking with him. Although, I did hear that demons usually tend to possess people who are angry, upset, vulnerable. Not that Oscar is vulnerable, but he looks like he’s about to pop a vein half the time. He’s ground zero for a demonic possession.”

The car went dead silent. You bit your lip to keep from laughing or snickering. Jamal went silent because he thought Oscar would boot him out of the moving car. And Oscar went silent because he was now genuinely pondering if he’d get possessed. He saw The Conjuring, he saw what that shit did.

“Jamal.. maybe you shouldn’t say that to someone when we’re about to go and investigate a potentially haunted house.” You said, glancing over at him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. The young teen, eyes wide, mouth in a nervous smile, nodded his head rapidly.

“Yeah, yeah. I mean just forget what I said, seriously. It’s probably factually incorrect. Besides, they’re just rumors, about the house being haunted and all. Although, the rumors and speculation have come from many people so I don’t think all those people would be making that shit up-“

“Jamal! Zip it!” You quickly said, not wanting Oscar to back out and end the ghost hunting trip before it even began.

“Yeah okay, shutting up.”

The drive to the house lasted about four to six minutes more. Soon, the impala came to a stop in front a decrepit, creepy two story house that had grass and weeds growing wild all over the place. The fence that was probably once white was now rusted. The house itself had paint that had chipped away overtime. Graffiti decorated the walls. Some gang tagging, some random names, random drawings, stuff of the sort. It was just as creepy as everyone had said. You couldn’t imagine what the inside was like.

“Okay, let’s do this, team.” Jamal opened the passenger side door, his backpack repacked with all of his supplies situated on his back. You turned and looked over at Oscar to find him with an apprehensive look on his face. You gave him a small smile.

“You’re seriously not afraid, are you? Everything will be fine. Come on.” You leaned in and pecked his lips before climbing out of the car. You shut the door behind you, the driver’s side door following suit. Oscar came up next to you and you immediately took his hand into your own and laced your fingers together. With Jamal leading the way, the two of you followed behind him past the rusted gates, up the dirt and overgrown grass covered path that led up the rickety front steps.

“Okay, how are we doing this? Are we splitting up? Sticking together?” You asked.

“We ain’t splittin’ up. We’re stickin’ together.” Oscar interjected before Jamal could say anything. Jamal suddenly whipped around, coming to a stop in front of you and Oscar. He shone the bright light into your faces and you and your boyfriend recoiled from the bright light. You held your hand up, pushing the flashlight away. The teen then held the flashlight underneath his chin, illuminating his face.

“I think we should split up. That way we could cover more ground.” He said, still illuminating his face. Oscar on the other hand, was not relenting, and you knew that even though he had said yes to you, it didn’t mean he’d agree to split up.

“This is non negotiable. We ain’t splittin’ up. You didn’t even bring enough flashlights for us, genius.” The older male pointed. Jamal switched the flashlight off and nodded his head.

“Okay good point. Fine, we’ll stick together.” He quickly pulled his backpack off and rummaged around, pulling out three items. “You, hold that.” He thrust the Bible into your hands. “And you, take this.” He handed Oscar the holy water. “Just in case. We need to be fully prepared and take precaution in case there already is some sort of demonic infestation.” He spoke, all the while pulling out the Digital thermometer and switching it on. Once he had it in hand, he situated the backpack on his back again, picked his flashlight up and switched it on.

“Let the ghost hunting commence.” Finally descending up the porch steps, Jamal came to a stop in front of the front door and you could see that the boy was actually starting to get nervous now. With his flashlight nestled between his arm and his side, he slowly twisted the doorknob with his hand and for a few seconds, you thought that it might’ve been locked, but the door opened. A few creaks were heard and it had the hairs on the back of your neck standing.

Jamal stepped into the house first. “Hello ghostly spirits that inhabit this home. We mean you no harm. We come in peace!” He belted out, announcing your presence.

“Oh fuck this. I ain’t goin’ in.” Oscar suddenly said, letting go of your hand, refusing to set foot inside the house. You and Jamal whirled around to face your skittish boyfriend.

“Are you serious? Are you really scared right now? Your name is Spooky! You run a gang but you’re scared of ghosts? Invisible beings?” Jamal asked, incredulously. Oscar clenched his jaw, eyebrows furrowing.

“Hey, this shit is scary! My tio from my mom’s side of the family got a ghost when he was two years old and he was never the same again. After that, he only walked backwards!”

“He was two! Maybe he just liked walking backwards!”

You shook your head at the bickering, a breathless chuckle leaving your lips - Oscar had told you countless time about his uncle that only walked backwards after he had been supposedly possessed, but each time you still found it amusing. Deciding not to waste time listening to the bickering of your boyfriend and actual teenager, you pushed past Jamal and into the house, taking the flashlight from him in the process.


“What the- What the hell? I am the appointed leader of this ghost hunting trio, I hold the flashlight and the thermometer.” Jamal finally snapped back to reality at your actions and he snatched the item back from you.

“Well, leader, if you and Oscar would stop fighting, maybe we could actually get some shit done. If something is here, I’m sure you two just woke it up with your loud ass voices.” You commented, shooting Oscar a look. “Baby, you promised.” You held your hand out, the hand not holding the Bible, out to him and he reluctantly took it, stepping into the house that would fuel his nightmares for days to come no doubt.

“See? That wasn’t so bad was it, Spooky? You walked into the house and did anything jump out at you or possess you? No!” Jamal sassed, pointing the flashlight at your seething but definitely frightened boyfriend. With teeth clenched, he looked at Jamal.

“If I get possessed, the first one I’m coming after is you.” He said. Jamal gaped, mouth open like a fish.

“Okay, okay! Stop, children. Let’s do this. Come on.” You snapped you fingers, lightly smacking Jamal with the Bible in your grip.

“Okay, yes. Let’s not get distracted from the mission.” Jamal whipped around, flashlight scanning around the empty but dusty, dirty room which appeared to be a living room. The entire house gave you eerie vibes. Despite the bickering going on mere moments ago, the hair on the back of your neck stood up, you could feel goosebumps rising on your skin.

“The temperature is the same. Oh wait, it dropped. Oh my god it dropped like one degree. Okay, something is definitely with us. We need to whip out the spirit box”

“Jamal, I don’t think that really tells us that anything is here.” You said, looping your arm through Oscar’s, finding comfort in the warmth he provided.

“You’re right. Let’s keep looking. Let’s go in here.” All three of you walked into what you assumed to be the living room, scanning around. The moonlight was creeping in from the busted windows, not leaving you entirely submerged in the dark which you appreciated.

“I’m gonna whip out the spirit box and see if we can make some contact.” Jamal kneeled down, rummaging through the backpack until he pulled out the spirit box. He set the thermometer down in the meantime, firing up the spirit box instead. It emitted this loud noise, almost like white noise you hear on a television when nothing is playing. Except it was loud and it definitely gave you the chills and the creeps.

“Hello spirits that may be present. I’m Jamal. That’s Oscar and Y/N.” He introduced.

“Why in the fuck are you using our names? What if they find us or some shit? I aint trynna have a ghost that knows my name.”

“Ignore the angry man. He’s terrified right now.” Jamal said, shooting a pointed look at Oscar. You gave his arm a squeeze glancing up at him.

“Relax baby. Everything is gonna be okay. Even if there is something here, I highly doubt that it’s bad.” You said, resting your head on his shoulder. He said nothing, just leaned down and kissed your temple.

“Is there anything or anyone here right now?” He asked. All three of you remained quiet, waiting with baited breath, waiting to hear if something actually responded back. But nothing came. And you didn’t know if you were relieved or disappointed.

“Is there anyone in the room with us?” Again nothing. “Is there anyone in this house besides us?”

“Up.” The three of you stood taller, eyes wide and alert, hearts hammering in your chest. At least your heart was beating erratically at that point, shocked that something actually responded.

“Uh.. can you.. can you say that again please..” Jamal’s voice quivered as he spoke, and mere seconds after he said it, the distorted, monotone voice was heard again.

“Up.”

“Up? Up.. What do you mean up?”

“Doll.”

“Oh my god. Oh my god. It said doll. What the freak..” Jamal exclaimed, eyes wide.

“It said up and it said doll. It probably wants us to go upstairs. Come on.” You let go of Oscar’s arm, despite his protests, and rushed over to where the stairs were, using the moonlight as a guide. You hid behind the wall and listened as rushed footsteps hurried closer to you, Jamal murmuring about how you all agreed to stick together.

“Bebe, don’t fuckin’ go off like that in a house like this-“ But neither of the guys finished what they were saying, ranting, about. As soon as they had both rounded the corner, you jumped out from your hiding position and screamed, scaring them both.

Jamal let out a shrill yell, jumping back, while Oscar let out a very loud and audible fuck while jumping back as well. Meanwhile, you were laughing, hands on your knees, lips pulled back into a wide grin.

“Got ya asses! Pendejos.” You exclaimed, still laughing. Jamal was calming down, and Oscar looked just that bit more freaked out, glaring at you.

“Christ on a cracker woman! What the shit was that? You just can’t be sneaking up on people like that! Shit!” He exclaimed.

“I’ma get you back, just watch.” Oscar spoke. But of course, you didn’t take his threat seriously, and it wasn’t like you were actually scared. You knew he’d never hurt you, and he had been scared by you enough times to be used to it. But it never failed to make you laugh.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I had to. I wish I had a damn camera to take a picture of that.” You said, calming down. “So, are we going upstairs or what?” You asked, looking at the guys, hands on your hips.

“We are going up the stairs. And you, missy, better watch yourself.” He pointed his index and middle fingers at you before pushing past you to walk up the dusty stairs. You stood by Oscar’s side, wrapping an arm around him.

“Don’t be mad at me, babe. I had to do it. It was priceless.” You said. “I’ll make it up to you later.” You said in a softer voice.

“You fuckin’ better, Chiquita.”

With Jamal up ahead of you, he opened up the first door he came upon, shining the flashlight in the dark and decrepit room.

“Uh, guys.. I think I found the doll..” He spoke, creeping a little further into the room. You and Oscar followed behind Jamal, eyes wide and searching the empty room. Strewn on the floor, illuminated by the flashlight was a raggedy ann doll. It was torn up and covered in dust and dirt. The fact that it was just laying there was creepy as hell.

“I’m not liking this shit. Not one bit.” Jamal murmured, still pointing the flashlight at the doll, almost as if he were waiting for it to jump up. You sighed, removing your arm from around Oscar to walk closer to the doll.

“Jamal, this thing isn’t Chucky. It’s not gonna come to life and jump out at you.” You knelt down and picked the dirty doll up. One of the eyes was missing and the face was just as dirty as the rest of it. A sense of dread filled you when you did that.

“Uh.. Y/N, I wouldn’t do that if I were you. The original Annabelle doll, the one the movie is based off of, was a raggedy ann doll just like that one.” Fear had crept into Jamal’s voice.

“Hey, shh. Be quiet.” Oscar suddenly spoke up. The three of you went silent and listened. Coming from down below sounded like footsteps, like someone was walking around the house. They weren’t loud, but they were still audible. Goosebumps creeped up over your skin and you immediately let go of the doll, gravitating towards Oscar’s side. Sure, it was all fun and games until you actually started hearing shit.

“Someone’s here.” Your boyfriend said, on high alert now.

“Someone.. or something..” Jamal said. “Okay let’s go one last session with the spirit box and then get the hell out of here.” He said, firing up the box once more.

“How about we get the hell out of here now. I been on these streets a long time and I ain’t gonna die in this sucia ass house.” Oscar said, hands balled up, antsy and anxious to leave.

“You are not gonna die, Jesus Christ. Would you take a chill pill?” Jamal said. “Spirit, ghost, demon - whatever you are. We came upstairs and we found the doll. Are you here with us?”

“Jamal.” It said.

“Oh shit.” The boy in question said.

“Y/N.. Oscar.. Out.”

“Out.. it said out.”

None of you had the chance to say anything else because coming from what seemed like the next room over was a loud crash that sent the three of you jumping and reeling backwards.

“Okay, I know I scared you guys earlier but that wasn’t me. Holy shit, that was not me. What the fuck was that?” You asked, your voice taking on a more frightened tone, you hands clutching at Oscar’s arm.

“Fuck this.” Oscar reached into the waistband of his pants and pulled out a black gun he had tucked in there, for safety.

“You brought a gun?!” You and Jamal both said at the same time, both looking at your boyfriend incredulously. Oscar clutched the gun in his hand, looking over at the door as if he were expecting someone to burst in.

“I sure as fuck wasn’t comin’ out here naked.” He said, voice deep and husky.

“Well shit, what in the hell are bullets gonna do against a ghost? Nothing! Nada! There’s no use in that! You should’ve brought a water gun! Filled with holy water! I even supplied the holy water and you’re holding it!”

“Then maybe you should’ve brought the god damn water gun if you’re so-“ Oscar was cut off by the spirit box, which was still turned on, letting out a distorted ‘Get.. out..’ Which was promptly followed by a loud bang that sounded much closer. You and Jamal let out screams, and Oscar put the gun away and reached out to grab you, urgency in his movements. Meanwhile you reached out to Jamal, grabbing his arm and pulling him along with you.

“Okay, we’re leaving. Now!” Neither you or Jamal protested. Instead the three of you hightailed it the fuck down those stairs as if your asses were on fire, the three of you too freaked out to even consider staying any longer. When you reached the bottom level of the house, there was no sign of anyone being down there. It wasn’t like there was many places a person could hide given the minimal amount of furniture.

Once at the bottom of the stairs, another loud crash which sounded a lot like a door slamming shut, came from above, prompting you all to run even faster towards the front door. Oscar pulled it open, the door slamming and bouncing against the wall from the sheer force of your boyfriend’s actions. The three of you ran down the porch steps, down the path and to his car.

You pulled the door open and practically flew inside the car while Jamal and Oscar quickly followed suit and climbed in. There wasn’t a second’s hesitation as Oscar turned the key in the ignition and started the vehicle, making quick work and pulling away from the curb and driving away from the house.

His hands were clenching the steering wheel so tight you could see his skin s starting to turn white. Meanwhile your heart was thundering so loud in your chest you could hear it in your ears and you wouldn’t be surprised if Oscar and Jamal could hear it too. The boy beside you was panting, breathing heavily, eyes wide.

“Holy shit balls.” He finally broke the silence that had fallen the three of you as Oscar went well past over the speed limit to try and get away from that house. “There are ghosts in that house. It is haunted. There is something there. And we witnessed it. Holy shit, team. We did it!” He exclaimed, looking at you and Oscar.

“Yeah we did. We probably got a fucking ghost.” Oscar said, briefly looking at Jamal.

“Well.. my money’s on Y/N. She’s the one that picked up the doll after all.” This time it was your turn to glare at Jamal.

“Jamal! Callate!” You said. Oscar, from beside you, let out a deep laugh.

“Come on baby. Don’t be scared.” You knew he teasing you, you could just hear it in his voice. And when you looked back at him, he wore that damn smirk on his face. You scowled at your boyfriend, arms crossing over your chest. “Don’t be scared. You wanted to come and ghost hunt.” He said, driving to Jamal’s house to drop him off. “Keep that same energy.”

“Just like you said to Jamal - if I get possessed, the first one I’m coming after is you, mi amor.” You threw at him, a sickly sweet smile on your face.

“Okay in all seriousness - I heard that there was another supposedly haunted house a few miles from here. When do you guys wanna go and explore that one? Next week? Friday? Satur-“

“How about never. We ain’t doin’ that shit again. You can go by yourself next time, homie.”

[jessiebanethedragon]

Can we get a fic where the bad batch is on a mission and they find a SUPER shy 16 year old girl (the reader) who lost her parents in the war. The men take the reader with them and take care of her. But they don’t know that the reader has been trained in advanced martial arts her entire life and they find this out when the reader takes out a bunch of droids by herself. The bad batch take the reader in as their little sister in the end.

kinda long, i hope thats okay, and as always i really hope you enjoy it! 

You’re found underneath a mountain made of rumble, mud, water and ash. The Bad Batch takes hours moving debris for Wrecker to pull you out of a still smoking room that was once your family's apartment. 

Your people were an interesting folk, training their young in intense forms of defensive combat. You could speak more languages than you could count on your fingers, and years of being taught anything and everything, one could consider you to be a perfect soldier. Except for the fact that your people dedicated themselves to the natural wonders of the universe and were neutral in every notable war the republic had ever seen. 

The separatists did not see it that way. 

“What do we do with it?” Crosshair asked when they returned to the camp, you haven't said a word. And clone force 99 was starting to wonder if you even spoke basic. So far you had only moved when necessary and they only realized you were even human once the dust, mud and blood had been cleared from your face. 

“I think the ‘it’ is actually a ‘she’.” Tech corrects side-eyeing you from where you sit close to their fire. 

“What are we going to do with she?” Crosshair repeated, annoyed. But enjoying the mumbling from his brother about ‘grammatical insolence.’ Wrecker and Tech both shrugged as Hunter sighed and took a plate of rations over to you. 

“Hey, you need to eat.” He said pushing the plate towards you, watching as you watched the plate, but made no move towards it. 

“Can you tell me your name?” Hunter asked, trying his hardest to sound not like a hardened military sergeant. He sees your lips move but can barely make out the sound that travels past them. “Can you just be a bit louder maybe?” He asks for the first time ever, given his enhanced hearing. He catches your name as it wisps by him, repeating it to make sure he’s got it right.  

“Do you have anyone? Anyone off-world or that might still be…” He stops himself before the word ‘alive’. And you shake your head ‘no’ anyways. It’s only after Hunter gets up to leave that you slowly reach for the plate of food. 

“She has to come with us.” Hunter relays to the group, who are keeping their distance from the shy young girl they’ve found. Each member nods, none of them seem to know what to do with you, but they know you’re safest with the Bad Batch. 

It takes weeks before any of them hear your voice, your real voice. So far you’ve stuck to mumbles, nods and hand gestures. No one seems to mind, except for when you make Wrecker jump out of his skin when you seemingly appear out of nowhere. 

“Crosshair you di'kut!” Tech shouts one morning running into the main area of the Havoc Marauder. Everyone has to suppress a chuckle at the sound of Huttese coming from his helmet. “How in the kriff am I supposed to fix this?” Tech throws his hands in the air, slamming his bucket on the table. 

“Would you like me to fix it?” You offer from your corner of the ship. Stunning everyone into silence. “I am fluent in huttese.” You explain reaching for Tech's helmet, and matching holopad. No one says anything as you tap a few things and place it back down. 

“Thank you, mirdala.” Tech says in awe. Opting to compliment you in mando’a rather than basic as to not make you uncomfortable. 

“I also speak mando’a.” You add, looking at him with a smile. 

“Kandosii'la!” He exclaims happily, “nice to finally have some more brains around here.” Tech smiles at you while his brothers come over the shock of hearing your voice properly for the first time. 

After that morning things begin to shift a little bit. The batch takes to calling you mirdala as a nickname and constant compliment. (And to try and get you out of the sarlacc pit of shyness you live in.) And you slowly start to chat rather than just talk with the men you find yourself in the company of. Yet you still don’t talk about your home at all, eventually they stop asking. Until one day Hunter presses a small blaster into your hands while the five of you are standing on the ramp of the marauder. 

“Just a precaution, this place shouldn't be  dangerous. But I'd rather you have it and not need it then need it and not have it.” He tells you, and places a hand on your shoulder. “Know how to use it?” You nod, flipping it around in your hand, it’s foreign and familiar all at once. The click of the safety sounds a bit janky and the hilt is slightly off kilter. Hunter watches you inspect the blaster with the precision of a GAR clone. 

“Thank you.” You say to him, tucking it away, and following the group off the ramp and into the market. 

It takes all of one half of an hour for all hell to break loose. One battalion of droids verses one bad batch’s Wrecker didn’t exactly go well, the two of you attacked from behind unsuspectingly leading him into throwing you onto the nearest roof and going through the droids one by one. You hear the whir of commando droids before you see them and take off, launching yourself onto the next roof as blaster bolts rush by. Running through the second market that rests on the rooftops of the one below you dash between stalls, people and droids as you scramble away. One last jump into what you think is the side of a building but is actually air covered by a mass of cloth sends you into the  ground below winding you. 

“Mirdala!” Crosshair shouts in surprise as you seem to literally fall from the sky above him. This brief distraction allows for a droid to take a shot at him and you know he’s too preoccupied to save you. 

That's fine, you don’t need saying anyways. 

Falling into a fighting stance is so familiar to your muscles, you could close your eyes and you’d be back in your training centre. It feels so real you can almost smell it. Elbows and feet fly, echoes of advice ring in your ears. ‘Your elbows carry power, your feet are the most important weapons, stance is everything.” At this point the blaster is basically useless, you’re the weapon Hunter wished you didn’t need. And so when Crosshair barrels into you, throwing the two of you behind a crate as a detonator goes off, you both face plant into the ground. 

“You okay Mirdala?” Tech asks pulling you off the ground, dusting your shoulders off.  

“Where is everyone?” You ask worriedly looking around for everyone, once you see Hunter, Wrecker and Crosshair near you, you begin to calm down. Wrecker comes over to you looking far too happy for a man who was just in battle. 

“That was amazing Mirdala! Shoulda seen ‘er Sarge!” He says nudging Hunter harshly. You can’t help but blush as Wrecker rentals how you flew from building to building. Letting Crosshair summarize your skills with ‘she fights well.’ (Before taking over and gushing about you again.)

You’re sitting outside as the sunsets, being alone is preferable right now. Today was, for lack of a better term, a lot. But of course, naturally, the Batch joins you. 

“You ever gunna open up to us mirdala?” Hunter bluntly asks, looking scared and worried. You nod but stop yourself, pushing the shyness for a verbal answer. 

“Yes, just not used to it.” it's a short answer, much shorter than it should be. But it’s a small win and Hunter is happy for it. 

“I researched your home world, were you going to tell us about your skills?” Tech asks, eyes meeting yours. 

“I thought it was normal.” You explain, looking around for others before sighing. “I’ve never been off-world before, not even outside of my city. This is very unusual for me.” You say trying to explain that your people keep to themselves even where they're around those they trust. 

“What else can you do?” Wrecker chimes in, curious as ever. But adds “never mind” when Crosshair elbows him. 

“You’re trained like us...” The sniper says, catching the curves of a small smile beginning when he says this. “Vod’ika.” He adds slowly, careful to watch your face to make sure he didn't upset you.

“Come out of your shell vod’ika, our shell most certainly has room for one more.” Hunter says, looking not at you but at the setting suns of the planet. 

“I always wanted a little sister!” Wrecker encourages with an excited hop. You turn to Tech waiting for his take on the situation. 

“Makes logical sense.” He teases, putting his helmet over your head. “Fits well, looks good vod’ika.” The helmet doesn't fit at all, flopping from side to side as you look around. 

“Sounds good to me ori'vod.” you say with a lopsided smile on your face. As the suns finally start to  turn into stars. 

“Aliit ori'shya tal'din” Hunter says, prompting his brother to repeat it after him. 

“Family is more than blood.” You translate to basic stunning at the touching words. 

“Come lil’ sister. It’s kriffing cold out here.” Crosshair says getting up off the ground, Wrecker immediately scrambles to piggyback you to the ship. The five of you teasing each other and laughing all the way.

[blackrabbit-megapig]

Hey i know this is super random but could you talk a bit about why you did not like dark rise? i was about to buy it when i saw your reply to an old post and now im like... very curious. money's tight rn and i dont want to spend it on a book that might disappoint me :(((

Hello,,,

I would like to apologize in advance if this response feels a bit off. I haven't communicated with anyone via Tumblr for a good long while. Hence, I just noticed this question sitting in my DMs. Again, sorry!

You asked about Dark Rise. I want to be fair to C.S. Pacat because I like her and I think her stories can be fun. However, Dark Rise... just wasn't my thing.

I'll start with the characters by saying that I didn't particularly care about any of them. Pacat introduces a large number of characters right off the bat but doesn't really give the reader time to become attached before she starts killing them off. The book shifts POV chapter to chapter, but even that doesn't rectify this problem. In fact, there's a character that felt like they only existed just to be a mouthpiece for the plot, listing off exposition when necessary before he's killed rather abruptly.

The main character, Will, is rather bland in my opinion, and doesn't fit the great, tragic destiny that's bestowed upon him. In the last two (?) chapters, he goes nearly full Sauron and it feels weirdly out of character. Maybe his development in the next two books will flesh him out for the better, but I don't believe Pacat did a good job of setting him up.

I will not speak on James. I liked James. Pacat certainly liked James. Will DEFINITELY liked James. James probably has the most potential for a good, satisfying character arc out of everyone in this series. However, the way he's written makes it seem like Pacat only really knows how to do ONE archetype of character with a compelling backstory. That's why I agreed that her fixation on bitchy, slightly cruel blond men is starting to feel off. It's very much giving one-trick pony.

The pacing was also an issue for me. The training the characters go through happens so fast, and then people just start dropping like flies. Everything about the world is given to you before the second half of the book and gives you zero opportunity to discover and speculate. Will's full descent into his villain arc feels like it should've happened later than it does. I don't think we should've discovered his true heritage in the first book, nor do I believe that we should've learned the truth of his parentage as early as we do.

I know this setup exists probably to cut the fat and get to the meat of the story, but it makes everything feel so rushed and sudden in the last half. What's the point of a good fantasy story if you don't slow down and bask in the world you've created? It doesn't have to be go-go-go from start to finish!

Now, my ultimate beef with this book: the world-building. Look, the math isn't math-ing in my head and despite having this premise of taking place years after this great, magical war, the world feels so...empty? I know people make the joke that if a fantasy novel gives you a map at the beginning of the book, then you know it's going to be good. Dark Rise is not that book. If anything, the map makes the story even more confusing and disappointing. Characters hop around the map like it's nothing, arriving at destinations within sentences. As I said, why was Pacat rushing? Why didn't she take any time to flesh the universe out?

There's randomly this whole lore piece about unicorns that only exists to explain ONE character and one scene. Now, I wouldn't have an issue with this if it didn't feel so janky and bloated.

I've been pulled through the high fantasy genre's asshole so many times that I've become accustomed to a certain level of finesse. I expect so much effort to be put into world-building because I figure that if you're going to tell this epic tale with fantasy creatures and magic and all this really cool stuff, why wouldn't you spend the time to make sure that all of it makes sense? Why wouldn't you make sure that locations and creatures and people feel tangible? I know that Pacat did the best she could with this first book, but it reads like so much of the world is missing. Dark Rise's world-building feels like it was created after the premise of the story was drafted out rather than the other way around. It feels like this world only exists to tell this specific story rather than existing as a setting where these characters and events could just so happen to exist and occur.

Even the made-up ancient language is baffling and makes me want to grind my teeth. I don't know if it's based on an actual language, but Pacat didn't do it justice.

As I said, this book just wasn't for me. I think it might have something to do with me going into it with high expectations and all these ideas about what a good fantasy novel should be, but my opinion is my opinion. I'm an adult now, and YA fantasy is a genre that I think is starting to just feel too juvenile for me in general.

I will say that if you're into cliche, chosen one narrative YA novels, this book is certainly for you.

Also, if money is an issue, I will say that there are ways of getting ahold of free ebooks online without surrendering your computer to malware. You can also download those books onto a Kindle now (who knew?! Not me!). I just checked a certain website and Dark Rise is on it. I'm not saying I'm explicitly endorsing pirating books, but it is an option you can consider until you're in a financial situation where you can start buying books again.

Hope this helps!

EDIT: I came back to this and added some non-spoiler examples for the points that I was trying to make. Please take my opinions with a grain of salt and read whatever books are interesting to you and make you happy!

[twinvictim]

your opinions on each of the post team silent games and a rating out of 10. hand 'em over

YEAHHHHHH FINALLY CATERING TO ME!!!

Uh really long post oops. for reference, my rating for the first 4 sh's are as follows

Sh1: 9/10 Sh2: 7/10 Sh3: 9/10 Sh4: 9.5/10

Silent Hill 0/Origins

overall score: 7/10

Alot of the games issues can of course be attributed to it being a psp game, and while i won't excuse everything bc of that, j have to be honest and say I think it had so much potential as a (very) late ps2 game. Not to mention, the game ON THE PSP functions as it should. (The ps2 port does fucking not tho..oops) ans you'll see that this is...a rarity post team silent.

The story has alot of potential, Travis as a character is interesting and sympathetic and j think his dynamic with alessa js super fascinating to dig into, both of them being abused children and there was alot of intrigue regarding his powers, the game feels like a smaller more watered down she, and for that I can't fault it too much. The weapons system isn't my favorite but the combat itself is reminiscent of 1 and 2 and I really like a good chunk of the monster design, there was clearly thought and care put into it, nurses and strughtjackets/lying figures be dammed. The unlockables are pretty cool though and alot of the environments look pretty cool for a psp game, hell i LOVE the theater level its super unique, I would love to see it in (actually functional) better graphics. I also think the puzzles are pretty solid, not hair pulling like sh1 even if they're not quite as clever as say sh3.

My biggest criticisms come from the reuse of sh1 characters (just alessa and Travis would've been fine, maybe dahlia and some more org characters would've been better) the bad ending being straight up bad writing. Not to mention they did the sh3 thing of "kill too many monsters and get the bad ending" which is...stupid. The foreshadowing of the butcher being? He's just kinda there, I like the lead up but it would be more interesting if the butcher represented something from those years between Travis' father dying and him being an adult. And while there's more replayability imo than sh2, it doesn't have difficulty sliders and that makes it kinda hard to come back to quite as often. Not to mention unlike sh1, 3or sh4 there's not as much horror focus and random events.

Overall, solid game its fun to play, very silent Hill and if you're willing to look past a few continuity errors and accept its a little different and slightly derrivitive at the same time, I like to say I had alot of fun with it and still do. (Maybe I just like Travis alot...idk)

Silent Hill: Homecoming

Overall score: 6/10

Once again most of the issues here are gonna be corporate fuck ups, but I'm also not gonna beat around the bush, this game isn't like...good. its bad actually. "But you gave it a 6/10?" Yeah bc its not NEARLY as bad as some other games I've.. experienced.

The negatives here are, many and vast, so let's run them down. Firstly the games performance is janky on console (ps3 at least) and abysmal/unplayable on PC, what with framerate issues that are detrimental to game play on pc and make the third boss impossible. That said on console it is completable and not even too terrible...usually. Scarletts boss fight however is terribly unbalanced and broken on all skews so :/. The combat is...functional but not anyone's favorite, it's difficult to use any actually strong weapon and you can pretty much strong arm ur ways through shit with just the knife (except scarletts first form..don't try it, it won't work) for some people this will be borening (not my opinion but w/e). Most of The puzzles...leave alot to be desired. I hate sliding block puzzles. Also no run button? At all?? No easy mode? Ok... also what is this.. wheel design for the inventory...im accidentally using my serum..what is serum also? And why is the item pickup noise like...bass boosted.

The character models look awful most of the time, and comically unfinished other times, some human models are just grotesque, (judge halloway, Adam shepherd, mayor Bartlett. .you get it) and yes...there are sexy nurses. Bc of course there are. (Whole ass out???) They did straight up have some terrible endings for this game (ph ending for one, the way you get the ufo? Hell the ufo ending is kinda boring. I like the in water ending here too but. Yeah.) the story has some, problems. To say the least.

However, while the performance is bad its not the worst I've played (on the ps3 once again..unplayable on pc) and I hardly noticed the framerate when I was just running around, I personally found the combat kinda fun, between trying to dodge accurately and still attack and not use all my health items (bc those and ammo are actually rare! Unlike some games...) it is kind of a challenge and reminds me of a much worse sh4. And hey, the health items both heal an understandable amount of health that i can easily read with a bar (unlike 1-3) and they're not a complete joke (unlike sh4...) i find the exploration really fun and sure the characters look shit but the environments are Fucking great. The church is one of my fav sections, short as jt might be and yes it stole the confessional scene but its pretty well written and acted I think. The monster design is pretty fucking rad too honestly, I like the schism, siam, I like the DESIGN of the needlers even if they make me so mad to fight, and hey the nurses and ph don't show up that much to be too aggregious. The boss monsters are also fantastic design wise, very unsettling and the boss rooms are interesting as well.

The story has problems but it also has alot of potential, the concept of people sacrificing ther children for silent Hill and being overcome by their own pain and guilt is pretty fucking cool, and alex is a good character they did a good job of giving him personality, ppl bitch about him being a soldier but a) he's not and b) soldiers are people too, and a sh game that could tackle toxic masculinity, be critical of the military, and also tackle abusive religeious parents is pretty intriguing, not to mentions themes of brotherly love that's complicated bc of how they clearly favored Josh . Sure, it misses the mark, but I like taking the potential and thinking about it bc its compelling to me. And like I said, i like alex alot.

Overall, bad game yes, but not the worst as it has enough good for me to honestly really enjoy it, besides it is pretty funny when it is bad. Don't play the pc port tho

Silent Hill Shattered Memories

Overall Score: 8/10

Unpopular opinion im sure but honestly? I find this game ALMOST on par with the team silent games. Its really that good, yes its a wii game, so this is my score taking into account the motion controls BTW.

For the good, man where do i start. Its BEAUTIFUL for a wii game and esp for a post team silent game, the graphics are nice and Constsitent, the environments are pretty and it has a pretty nice cold color pallet to contrast the warmer tones the series tends to skew towards. The acting and intrgrige are all on point and the WRITING is fantastic, its one of those games you play the first time not knowing the twist and play the second time picking up more and more clues and things that strengthen that twist so much more. Like sh2 its a simple story told in such a clever and interesting way that you'll probably be too invested to put it down, I beat it in one sitting in 6 hours bc i was so engrossed in the narrative. And the Puzzles man! The puzzles are phenomenal and fun to accomplish and there's even a little bit of variety in a few places on repeat playthroughs. The level of detail in this game is insane really, the things that change with the different psychology answers are pretty cool too and tho it all plays out relatively the same its still fun to see the different things you can get to happen. The gimmicks like the phone as an object, taking pictures, sneaking and zooming in, they're not too intrusive as to take away from the exploration or other game play but not completely useless and have some pretty fun Easter eggs too. The game plays sort of like a worse outlast with good puzzles and for that I do have to commend it. Oh and the fucking MUSIC is INCREDIBLE idk something ab this soundtrack has alot of heart put into it clearly.

Now, it's not perfect. The thing is, it is a WORSE outlast type game, in the running and hiding sense but well, the hiding is completely useless, its a run away game, which is ok, but I understand that people aren't gonna be a big fan of that when silent Hill has always balanced combat ad puzzles and exploration. The running segments are..aggravating, mostly bc its hard to figure out where to go, not to mention using motion controls that don't like to work half the time to fight the monsters off of you. Also, the monsters are not scarey in the slightest and the raw shock scream is actually enragaging if you've died one to many times, there's also...not really any penalty for dying. And once you're out for these running segments,there's no danger, no monsters, nothing to hide from despite having a hiding mechanic. Its not really a horror game more of a psycological thriller and I understand that the fact that its not horror can be disappointing. The psychology things might be a bit overhyped And yeah fine, the wii foreplay scene...well yeah its weird but it IS also funny as fuck.

That said, there's still alot thats good and alot thas unfair criticism lobbed at this game. Harry didn't have much of a personality in sh1 bc he's a ps1 character and sm really fleshed him out well, not to mention giving cybil some nice characterization, and they did some interesting things with dahlia and kaufmann. And Lisa.. well I'm gonna be honest I never found Lisa all that interesting in sh1..so it doesn't bother me that she's the way she is in this game. I know people hate the "horny" aspect of it but to be completely fair, YOU choose to make the game that way, don't answer in a sexual manner or look at boobs or anything else and you won't have an overly sexual game, its...literally that easy. Its given as an option for the play id they want to go for what is arguably another joke ending. (You cannot tell me sleeze and sirens is meant to be a real serious ending to the game. Cmon) and you can complain about the innacuuracies if you want but its a spin off, a retelling of the original game. Its not canon, and it didn't change the original game. It just took the ideas presented there and made them more human and lest fantastical, there's some supernatural elements but it takes a backseat to the human moments. And its honestly really cool.

Overall, great game, i reccomend it if you don't mind some slight jank with the motion controls and honestly? Look up directions on where to go for the running segments and you'll have a pretty good time overall.

Silent Hill Downpour

Overall score (so far): 7.5/10 *to be noted i haven't finished actually playing it yet but I know the basic plot and some of the details so I doubt it'll change

And so for the final silent Hill Game, I have to say, i don't think it deserves NEARLY the hatred it gets, there's alot about it that i find really cool and even fun and I think its a solid entry, a little better than origins in some parts and its downsides are both unfortunate and once again, mostly Konami's fault . That said, I'm also not gonna kid and say its a good game, just that I like it alot and we should be nicer to the last silent Hill game were probably ever gonna get.

Downpour has a pretty good, original story overall, there's alot to it, alot of intricacies and intrigue to it that honestly make it a pretty sold silent Hill game. Its different enough from the others to stand out but not super far removed from its themes and messages. I like that it doesn't try and lean into the cult aspect and tries to do something else with it, it doesn't try to explain silent Hill, but just use it to torment the characters, as it should be. There's tragedy ad human feelings here and some of them aren't the most...sensitive but they are pretty reasonable reactions id say. Playing as someone who's odds are stacked against him from the beginning as he's a prisoner is a cool way to open the game, someone convicted and you must discover if he is a good person or not. Themes of revenge explored more than in sh3 which is pretty cool. The environments look pretty nice, and i like the look of the otherworld, once again being unique with its cooler color pallet, but without the ice so it really feels like its own thing. The EXPLORATION is awesome with an actual open world which I think works well, there's alot to do in town (unlike sh1 and 0 on limiting hardware and 2 which just pretends you can explore to town but you cant) there's alot for cool little stories and sidequests to do, my favorite so far being the cinema (which has a section of ACTUAL fixed cameras like old Resident evils which is smth SH has never done and its super fucking cool!) And all the sidequess help strengthen murphy as a cheacter and argue for his innocence or complexites. The weapons system is pretty cool, picking up items and attacking with whatever you might find, finding cool Easter eggs with exploration and having fun noticing things. And it does honestly have the strongest side characters outside of SM. The puzzles are pretty solid and fun to figure out with some cool mechanics and the seperate difficulties is a great thing to bring back (actually done well like sh3) I also kind of like the method of triggering the night world/rain/monsters, and silent Hill really feels likes its constantly punishing Murphy, as it should. The music might not be Akira but its still pretty damn good, and fuck yall I like the Korn song, and you CAN press start and skip it yknow. (Thx tomm hewlit)

The negtitives tho, well they are there. For one it has the worst performance of any sh game outside of pc homecoming and like...the hd collection, the framerate like to shit itself alot lmao, its not usually detrimental bc I've played re2r with similar framerates but, yeah its not great. Not to mention while the models look better than hc they don't animate well or often at all, and the game has trouble loading in the models as fast as they should. The sound mixing could use...some work too, poor murph sounds like he's eating the mic. While I find the games exploration really fun, murphy also has the issue of not running very fast so it can be a little annoying to get back to a place you want to be when you can't run that fast, not to mention the loading times. The monster design is def the worst in the series, maybe on par w SM. Which is disappointing bc there's some pretty good moments here and there, but not nearly enough to make it scary and there's so much you can do with monsters with this premise. Also, the running sections in the otherworld are better than SM ad even more engaging than the brief ones in 2 and 3, but still, I'd prefer to do puzzles or fight a boss or smth. I will also say, the endings are, iffy while the main 2 endings are really good and Anne's bad ending as well as the joke ending are great, murphys bad endings are weird and ooc for the muphy you come to know in the game (even more so than Origins) plus, idk that the writers knew all that much about prison andbprison culture, nobody in a real prison would be mad ab Murphy killing a pedo (there's some racist implications here and there too which is. Unfortunate and disappointing. I like Howard and Robbie but they are a bit tropey, esp Howard) that said Anne is a compelling albeit unlikable character and thas pretty cool to see pulled off.

Overall, while it has downsides, I don't think Downpour is worthy of all the scorn it gets, this can have problems and you can point them out without disregarding the good parts and while it is unfortunate it doesn't run better and have some extras and didn't handle some things great, I still think its worth a playthrough, esp if you go out of your way to do the sidequests.

Bonus round

Book of memories is not a game I intend to play bc I don't wanna get a vita and can't imagine I'm missing much. It doesn't look bad pwr say but I'm not interested tbh

Fuck PT. :)

[beevean]

Hey this reminds me: care to describe your...experiences with Metroid 1? XD

It was slightly better than expected!

The major things I really cannot defend are the health farming, which is really inexcusable, the total lack of a map (this game really likes its towers with many doors and those where the parts where I got the most lost), and the high number of enemies that take advantage of the fact that Samus can't crouch. I also never liked how you need an upgrade to have a longer beam, but at least I got used to that because of ZM.

Playing Classicvania games trained me against NES-era bullshit, because once I got used to the randomness of the enemies, that part stopped giving me trouble soon. Finding the Screw Attack was still a blessing, although the game is still super janky so too many times I didn't curl when I should have.

The level design is... well. Norfair can go and die :P that's where the copy-and-paste and the "where the hell do i shoot now" really shines. The other areas were much better in this regard, even the evil lairs (and men were the lairs evil, especially Kraid's). Speaking of which, I did find unique how fast the game opens: you technically need only 4 upgrades to proceed (Morph Ball, Bomb, Missiles and Ice Beam), all of which are in Brinstar and easy to find. Norfair has some goodies that make the game easier, especially the Screw Attack, and while you need a lot of missiles, most of them are pretty much in the open ready to be grabbed. This means that you go from "weak as a bug" to "nearly OP" in maybe 20 minutes? By the mid-game there's little for you to find. And of course as soon as you have the bombs you can choose whether to face Kraid or Ridley first - yes I know you can do the same in ZM, but it's technically considered sequence breaking :P

(btw, the bosses are meh. Ridley is a waste of memory, Kraid can be spammed to death with bombs if you tackle him second, and Mother Brain can eat me)

(also rip metroids you can literally freeze them and leave them alone to save on missiles)

Graphically, the game is pretty ugly and I'm not a fan of the chosen palettes, but I understand that most of the memory was taken by the giant map so I'll cut it some slack - I only take offense to those walls in Norfair that give you no indication that can be shot. Musically, I like half of the tracks (I think Norfair is my favorite, ironically) and hate the other half :P but I understand and appreciate what the composer was going for, by creating an alien, hostile atmosphere. The controls were not as bad as I was expecting, I didn't even have any problems with the final escape sequence, except again for when I couldn't curl when I wanted to (but then again I'm the weirdo who likes SM's floatiness :P)

So, in short, I found it fun for what it was, but I'm glad I played it last after all the future, more refined games in the series. I honestly don't know if I prefer this one or Metroid 2 now.