( ' glass children. ' )
violet wrists and then her ankles, silent pain.
then he slowly saw their nightmares were his dreams.
monster, how should I feel?
creatures lie here, looking through the windows
i will hear their voices.
i'm a glass child, i am hannah's regrets.
— summary: with the star plasma vessel dead, satoru and suguru need you (fem!reader) to lead them to their next path.
— genre: angst. heartbreak.
— playing: monster by meg & dia
— note(s): i'm a sucker for what ifs. i love what ifs. good and bad. i thought about this what if a lot. i wanted to write about this since halloween and didn't have time to post it. i just know suguru and satoru are better than me cause everyone would have gotten this smoke. that's all imma say. anyways, mentions of blood & death. probably some spelling errors here and there.
— word count: 866
Those beautiful cerulean blue hues still sparkled as the light down on them.
But the spark of life was gone. They were dull. Lifeless. Emotionless. You never saw them like this before.
You could feel the anxiety swallowing you whole. If someone looked closely, they can see your legs trembling slightly. The two boys in front of you were having a brief conversation but you couldn’t hear it.
You couldn’t hear anything over the loud sounds of your heart rate picking up at a rapid pace. You couldn’t even hear the round of applause the strangers that crowded around the white hair teenager who held the lifeless body like he did the first time meeting her.
They were clapping for Satoru. Fucking clapping.
You just stared at the crowd in disbelief. What kind of people would approve of this? What kind of people are happy over this? The death of a young girl.
A young girl you considered your friend.
Monsters...monsters...
“Suguru...should we kill these guys? The way I am right now I doubt I’d feel anything.” His voice was hoarse. But what made your heart ache was hearing no emotion in his tone. It matched his stare.
Dull. Lifeless. Emotionless.
Your eyes went over to Suguru. His back was faced to Satoru but you saw his almond shaped eyes were as wide as they can be but soon he pulled himself back together. He always does. He has too.
“No. There’s no point. It’ll be dissolved soon enough.” His voice mimic the tone Satoru set. He began to walk towards the door to get out of there. He was sick of the clapping and the smell of the dried blood that lingeried. He was sick of this. He was sick of this life. He was sick of death. He was sick of curses.
“No point, huh? Does there really need to be any point to it?” Satoru asked or stated. You couldn’t really tell. You went to follow behind Suguru like a lost puppy but Satoru called out your name.
“Name...”
"Y-yes...Satoru?" your gentle voice trembled.
"What do you think we should do?" Satoru asked you. His eyes didn’t look at you. They just looked straight ahead into nothing. Suguru's eyes went over to you almost forgetting you were even there.
Your eyes was puffy and red from crying. You were the emotional one out of the three. That's why Satoru would tease you about being weak. You were a crybaby. But Suguru didn't see an issue with it, he likes you like this. So did Satoru but he wouldn't openly admit it. You reminded him about those certain emotions he swore he couldn’t feel anymore.
"Name...what should we do?" Suguru also asked willing to do anything you said. The self proclaimed brains of this trio couldn’t think straight or logically. So it was up to you.
The boys looked over at you for an answer. An answer you didn't have. This wasn't fair. These higher ups using you children. Not caring if you killed one another or died in front of each other. You loved your best friends. Especially Satoru and Suguru, willing to do anything to protect them. Even Riko. They were the only family you have.
But would the higher ups mourn you?
Would the higher ups sink into a dark hole of depression?
Would the higher ups get revenge on you?
Or would they replace you like a piece of livestock.
They would probably replace you in a matter of days.
They probably would assign Satoru and Suguru a mission while your ashes are still warm.
Satoru and Suguru.
The thought of leaving them behind made you feel sick at the pit of your stomach. How would Satoru handle it? You knew Suguru would break in a matter of days. He bottles so much inside of him it would just burst out. Would they keep it together if you were to die? Or would they lose it themselves.
You know you would lose it if either of them or both of them were to die. Leaving you all alone. To defend yourself. To love yourself. You couldn’t imagine a world without them. The three of you were glued to each other, couldn’t really function without the other.
You could feel the anger replacing the fear and anxiety. On the inside your morals and humanity was being teared apart, stripped away from you the more you stared at Riko's lifeless body in Satoru's arms covered by a thin white cloth.
"Name..." Suguru called out to you once more. There wasn’t much time to make a decision.
"Kill them," you finally answered losing all emotions you had that day, "kill them all."
That's all Satoru needed to hear. His lips formed a wicked grin as Suguru silently summoned the rainbow dragon. You stood watched the blood being splattered on the walls and floors. The screams made you smile like that day on the beach with your best friends.
That’s where your mind was.
The day on the beach with Riko and Satoru laughing at the sea cucumber while you, Suguru, and Misato were on the beach towels just watching them with smile of your faces.
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arthur has always been suspicious of the tavern excuse for merlin’s absences, but he has no proof on the contrary and when confronted merlin either tells him outlandish tales of near death experiences that have no chance of being remotely truthful or he admits to and apologizes for slacking on his duties to get drunk. one day, he decides enough is enough and he and all the knights go to the tavern with merlin and arthur casually brings up merlin’s history in the tavern and says he could probably beat gwaine in a drinking contest. merlin tries to divert the discussion away from the idea but arthur is determined. they receive a round of drinks and arthur pushes a pint of ale into merlin’s hands with a look of challenge. merlin’s options are to either commit to the lie to hide his secret or admit to the lie and risk exposing his magic. he takes the former. merlin gives lancelot a Look and then slams back the pint of ale with a minor bit of gagging and pauses to breath. gwaine already finished his pint thirty seconds ago but its entertaining to watch merlin so he doesn’t say anything.
merlin (built like a twig, rarely drinks, lightweight) is proper sloshed. arthur is almost vindicated but he needs merlin to admit it. he orders two more pints and gives one to gwaine and the second to merlin, instigating the competition further despite the fact that gwaine won already. merlin grimaces and tries to do the same thing again but only gets a few gulps in before he folds. he slams the mug down and gives arthur a kicked puppy look before admitting and apologizing for lying. arthur is Vindicated. merlin is still wasted.
the nights wears on and merlin feels the effect of the ale more and more every minute that passes. he sits between arthur and lancelot and feels almost unbearably warm but that could be bc of the alcohol in his system, or the crowded tavern. merlin looks around and watches the people that pass their table by while the knights talk and joke and laugh amongst themselves. merlin feels relaxed and excitable now, his worries seem to have melted away and he cant seem to remember why he was always so stressed and worn down before. he sees a game of [insert game here] (i was gonna say darts but google says that game hasn’t been invented in canon time so ill leave it up to interpretation) going on and climbs over lancelot to join in.
the knights watch with amusement and anticipate merlin’s clumsy attempts at [whatever]. oddly enough tho, merlin is a fucking god at [game]. a small crowd gathers and betting pools form and then challengers approach and put money on the line to go against merlin and merlin absolutely demolishes them all. honestly if arthur didn’t know any better, he’d think merlin was using magic to win bc there was no way his bumbling fool of a servant was that good at…anything.
the challengers take their defeat with honor and grace. the audience is a huge fan of merlin and they keep buying him drinks but he just sends them to the table for the other’s to drink. many people come up to him and flirt, maybe motivated by all the money he won that night or maybe just bc he’s merlin, and when merlin responds to them he’s………..he’s a real good fucking flirt? like could put gwaine to shame and he’s rejecting them???? how can someone come across so flirtatiously while turning down offers to take various beautiful people to bed??
arthur was already itching to intervene when people were flirting with merlin but he seemed to have a handle on it so he let it slide, but then people started touching merlin and arthur’s hand had drifted to his hip where his sword was usually sheathed. however, again, merlin was very skilled at escaping the situations with little to no conflict and he came back to the table with his winnings. the knights cheer for him and order more drinks with his money which merlin is too inebriated to notice and truthfully doesn’t really care about. his eyes are on arthur and if arthur thought watching merlin flirt from afar was bad then having him up close in his personal space, hands brushing against his arms and dark eyelashes fluttering softly against his pale skin, breathing his name into the space between them and licking his full pink lips was absolute torture and the worst and best agony he couldn’t even dream up.
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A Proper Etiquette request based on this prompt from @scatter-mind001: (Reader is nervous about initiating intimacy but wants to work up the courage but doesn’t know how to express it properly, so, throughout the day, she tries to drop hints to snuggle times, but then butterflies take over and she runs away and Rygel’s sexual frustration just builds up and eventually explodes and reader is like, “I just wanted cuddles but this is better.”)
Cw: anxiety, dry humping, size difference, allusions to sexual content but it fades to black pretty fast
word count: 1k
Adjusting had been hard. Rygel had never pushed you, let you move entirely at your own pace, but it was still a slow, frustrating process.
You’d gotten used to everyone else pretty quickly. You didn’t judge, passively watched everyone else going about their lives.
It was the doing that was hard. The manners that had been drilled into you were not so easily dropped.
You were almost certain that half the reason it was so daunting was that everyone else was so used to it. They all just understood what they should be doing. You had to work for all of it, push yourself past boundaries you’d never imagined having to tear down.
Today, it was touch. You’d gotten better at initiating it in private, Rygel always quick to reciprocate, but in public it was a different story.
It’s not like you never touched in public. On the contrary, Rygel loved publicly showing his affections for you. It was initiating them that you were struggling with.
You could never shake the idea that you were doing it wrong. Rygel was patient and kind but in public there were too many people, watching, staring, inevitably judging you for doing it all wrong.
Your hand shifted over to his arm, trying to look casual but you dropped it in a second. You were certain you were being clumsy and obvious, that what everyone else could do so casually looked alien and childish on you.
When Rygel did it, there was confidence behind it. He knew he was doing it right and you were more than happy to hide behind that confidence and follow his lead.
But that wasn’t what today was supposed to be about.
So you tried again.
Your next attempt was on your way to dinner. You leaned against his side, doing your best to mimic the way he pulled you into him so often as you walked. He looked down at you curiously, with no judgment in his eyes, but even that felt like too much scrutiny and you drew away once more.
Dinner didn’t go any better.
You thought the shield of the table might be good, make everything feel a little less public despite the dozen people in the room with you, talking away, barely taking notice of your presence.
You started small, shifting your knee to the side to touch Rygel’s. The motion was entirely hidden, under the table, but you drew quickly away anyways, feeling far too exposed regardless.
You knew why this was going so poorly. Every failed attempt left you flustered and embarrassed and pushing forwards so persistently kept those emotions brewing, amplified every time you tried and failed again.
Rygel had decidedly noticed that something was going on with you because the second you pulled away, his arm shifted behind your back, a steady presence you happily leaned into as he pulled you closer to him.
The second you leaned into his touch you were being pulled even further, the feeling of the chair disappearing from under you as he shifted you effortlessly into his lap.
Your face warmed but you trusted his judgment. No one was staring and part of you wondered if they ever had been at all or if your brain was simply that determined to thwart you.
You settled against his firm chest, his hands roving up and down your arms in a gesture that you were sure was meant to be comforting but only served to fluster you even further.
When you were done with your meal he was pulling you off down the hallways
The second you were alone you let out a hushed, “I’m sorry about all that.”
He cocked his head to the side at the statement, looking bewildered at you. “Sorry for what? For teasing me?”
“For… no of course not, for adjusting to all this so slowly. I wasn’t trying to tease you, I was just trying to get more comfortable touching you. The goal was to initiate cuddles, maybe? Or just any sort of physical affection I suppose. I guess I didn’t really think too much on the end goal, I was more focused on just doing.”
He let out a hearty, deep laugh. “You’re too sweet. If you want to cuddle you only need to ask.”
You huffed. “But I don’t want to have to ask. I want to be like everyone else here, to just be able to do things.”
“You will. These things take time, you know that, it’s no more your fault than it is mine when I make a fool of myself in front of your people.”
“You don’t make a fool of yourself.”
“Felt like I did.”
“I promise it felt worse than it was.”
“Oh really?” he said, giving you a pointed look. “I wonder if there’s maybe someone else who is in a similar situation who could do to hear that bit of advice.”
You hated that he was right. “Wait, but you were saying something about me teasing you. Can we go back to that please?”
He cooed at you, hand sliding under your jaw to keep you looking up at him. “Aw have I put ideas in your head? Tell me what you want from me.”
“You’re being mean,” you said with a pout.
“I’m being mean? You’re the one who hasn’t stopped touching me all day.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. You know, if you want to work on showing affection in public, I’m sure I can help with that.”
“Now who’s teasing?”
He chucked. “Call it revenge.”
He didn’t make you wait long. You didn’t think he had it in him, to make you wait. If he did, you had yet to see it.
He pulled you against him, into a kiss, hunched over to be able to meet you where you stood. You melted against him, your body relaxing easily into the familiar shape.
You felt his bulge pressed against you as well. He was already hard and you realized that maybe you’d been affecting him more than you’d intended.
He pulled away altogether too soon for your taste, looking down at you with a glint in his eye.
“Oh,” he said. “But, you wanted to cuddle. Far be it from me to thwart your plans.”
“Don’t you dare.”
He chuckled and scooped you up effortlessly, dropping you when you were a few feet above the bed so you bounced a little when you landed.
“After this, I’m done. The next one’s on you,” he promised as he moved above you, pinning you to the mattress below him, his hips rolling gently down into you through irritating layers of clothing. “How’s that for helping you learn to initiate.”
“Gives me some good motivation.”
“I gotta give you a little more, just remind you what you’ll be missing,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows as you threw back your head with laughter. Everything was easier in here, with him. Everything made sense.
“Can’t hurt to have a reminder,” you agreed readily, a smile still plastered across your face.
“And then we’ll get to the cuddling,” he reassured you, doing his best to kiss you in between words while fighting back a smile. “You can never forget the cuddling.”
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a doctor turned serial killer turned doctor again, an actor who paints, a gang leader, a mining baron, and a vice overseer walk into the room.
oh yeah and they lead karnaca now.
dishonored 2 is my fav game but i think it's mid, story-wise. here's why dh1 works and why dh2's overarching story sorta misses
tl;dr: story integration is critical for gameplay that offers audience payoff, but emily's personal arc from dishonor to honor is inconsistently demonstrated in the story, and is not an interactive part of the gameplay.
essay/long version under cut >
recap: what's dishonored's deal
[skip if you want]
dh1 is an underdog story: corvo is an honorable man swept up in the machinations of a callous city, so his canonical ending being 'this child will rule over an empire' isn't about the child's rule but rather about corvo's reputation being restored in a more hopeful city, due to his & the player's rejection of the violent connotations of the tagline 'revenge solves everything.'
similarly, in dh1 DLCs, daud's story arc is that of an anti-hero: a dishonorable man who realises too late he has done irreparable harm. he sees the error of his ways after a single monumental death, and eventually a single life redeems him when he/the player stepped in to circumvent a terrible fate for a child, enabling her to rule unfettered.
daud & corvo come to a satisfying conclusion within the extent of their narrative arcs. it doesn't matter that a child on a throne isn't really a fix for a decaying empire - the player's actions throughout the city of dunwall was what mattered - and these stories could be framed as parables. in that sense, young emily as a ruler is a metaphor for a hopeful future for the city & empire.
dishonored 1 & its DLCs are also great examples of storytelling with perfectly integrated gameplay - you, the player, worked towards the outcome that redeemed the protagonists.
in your efforts to save young emily, you either achieved a good outcome (corvo) or prevented a worse outcome (daud).
bringing us to dh2 -
what's emily's arc
emily's arc is a coming of age: we're introduced to a reigning empress who questions her role & skillset ("am i the empress my mother wanted me to be?"), then her titular fall from grace occurs. from there, she learns to reject the violent, selfish connotations in 'take back whats yours' tagline (a la daud & corvo!) while rediscovering why her rule is critical to the empire.
emily's rule is no longer metaphorical, but:
a literal thing for audience assessment (is emily a good ruler?) AND
the crux of her storyline.
at the beginning of dh2, emily is introduced as a disengaged leader ("i wish i could just run away from all this;" "i dont know if whether i should sail to the opposite side of the world, or have everyone around me executed"). the antihero has a precedent for the dishonored series in daud, so it's not at first glance an issue*, however, the fact that emily has ruled poorly reframes corvo & daud's endings as being less than ideal (a moralistic retcon) *we could talk here about how ready an audience was in 2016 for a flawed women as a protagonist, hell, even in 2023,,,
throwback to the beginning of this essay when i said:
'this child will rule over an empire' isn't about the child's rule but rather about corvo's reputation
emily's story arc, unlike for daud & corvo, is literally about the quality of her rule. we're no longer in metaphor territory (ironic phrase): a parable-style ending doesn't work.
does emily become a good ruler
we know she becomes a good ruler because the game says so. it is narrated to the audience via a (literal) word of god in the space of 30 seconds, after the final boss. the outsider tells us that emily becomes known as Just & Clever.
drawing a distinction here - this narration is not the same as the player actively being involved.
the player does not throughout the game become aware that emily has made political allies. during the game, she doesn't talk to these characters about saving karnaca or being a better ruler to the empire (there's a few lines might imply it, but you need to be actively looking and being careful to wait for every voice line. it's a far cry from daud & corvo's fight to save emily being unmissable - even though daud doesn't know at the beginning that's the goal).
how does the game show it
you can coincidentally not kill most of your subjects and never be aware that emily is looking to restore karnaca by means of instating a council - it's never brought up. it *couldn't* be brought up, because that council serves under the fake duke (armando), who is the last person she speaks to before she leaves for dunwall. its her suggestion that he rules karnaca, but armando's condition is that he will rule as he sees fit.
to back up a bit, emily's canonical method of restoring karnaca is by banding together key allies - hypatia, stilton, [byrne &or paolo], pastor, under a council beneath the duke's body double. they are passionate people who would each individually make worthwhile advisors, but if you think about those characters sitting at a table trying to reach an agreement, it feels like an assortment of people that emily didn't kill along the way and doesn't feel organic (up to interpretation). it's not stated if emily herself banded this council together, but logically she must have (worth a mention these are mostly characters that you as the player had reasonable rationale to kill during a high chaos run, except pastor). the underlying concept may be that karnaca's power is returned to its people - which is interesting given that the monarchy remains and armando's decision is final.
this overarching solution could also be taken as a critique to dh1's 'put your kid on the throne,' which is another reason its worthwhile looking at how emily was shown to be a better leader. obviously my point isn't that her solution was bad given the circumstance, but i mean she has very little agency here in all. if emily was shown to be more controlling as a leader, this could be interpreted as character growth, but that's not the case.
coming of age
how do you learn & grow when you can't specify your failings? emily doesn't really touch on her shortcomings as an empress. she non-specifically worries delilah makes a better empress than her. it's hard to argue her worries are meaningful when someone good at their job will still worry when lives are in the balance.
emily's best 'aha' moments (eg. crack in the slab comment about gaining perspective) are consistently undercut by a conversation with sokolov or meagan afterwards in which she demonstrates she hasn't learned anything (before the grand palace, emily condemns 'toadies sucking up to me' and is reminded by meagan that she's part of the problem). the story is confused about what it's trying to say about emily's progress, and when she's meant to show progress, if she was meant to show any progress at all. it could be argued that emily was never even a bad ruler, she had just been fed misinformation about the problems in karnaca and been the victim of slander by her political enemies. the game doesn't make this clear - it's easier to argue that the opposite is true given that her allies only have criticism.
worth a mention here that the heart quotes about armando - a fake ruler - interestingly mirror emily's character concerns. "see how he sighs? his life is a gilded cage." but this essay is already long.
while corvo & daud spend their games (and through the gameplay) 'earning' their redemption, emily is being led by the NPCs around her to a conclusion and a fix for the political mess in karnaca: meagan & sokolov guide emily to her missions, and there's no recurring quest for emily to investigate possible allies. she is able to gather the people she hasn't killed to herself by manner of... post-game narration. during the game, she's primarily concerned with getting her throne back.
an easy fix: if there had been less dialogue & narrative focus on emily's failings perhaps the ending would have felt more satisfying. it has the feel of cut content, but i don't know what was cut to be able to comment on it.
so what went wrong?
i can't help but wonder if arkane were worried they would lose a certain demographic if corvo wasn't playable (may have been deemed too much of a risk - 2013 was a different time), and so they had to take out story elements that were unique to emily's growth as a character/empress, because the usual storyline/gameplay integration had to work for both characters - in other words, gameplay that made sense for both corvo & emily was prioritised before emily's story & character development. which is a silly problem to have in a game that added character voices for the sake of improving characterisation - maybe emily's tale would have felt more akin to a parable if she had less lines that betrayed her ignorance (to the disdain of those around her).
i wish more care had been taken with emily's story. most players will never really notice the large variety of different endings - they're not particularly satisfying in and of themselves.
it's ironic that one of Emily's complaints is about her father/protector being overbearing, when his (parallel universe) presence in the gameplay may be one of the reasons her own narrative arc falls flat.
what are the upsides here
changing tune from what didn't work - don't you think the concept is fantastic? it's a great idea overall - can you imagine if the coming of age storyline was better integrated into the game?
it's valuable to talk about the integration of story and gameplay and characterisation from a craft perspective. dh2 genuinely is my favourite game - it's beautiful, the imm-sim design philosophy makes the world a delight to explore, the combat gives endless creative options for tackling any fight, there is a far greater diversity of cast in an in-text canonical way. there's loads to love!
i love emily as a dodgy leader, to me it adds interesting dimensionality to the outsider's narrations - of course in dunwall there's never a neat happily ever after! emily, like the outsider, both work well as characters who hold ultimate power but aren't necessarily worthy of it - and this makes perfect sense for the dishonored universe's morality & critiques of power. however, within this grey area there's still plenty of room for a satisfying ending, which isn't what we ended up with, whatever the true reason for that was. and also, damn, emily's a marked assassin empress, if she can't lead well then who can?
while dh1 was criticised for its narrative simplicity, dh2 in contrast and in hindsight shows us that simplicity isn't so bad - there's satisfaction in gameplay achieves a clear, simple narrative goal.
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