#(spoiler: python you are never Normal and that's fine)

[pentanguine]

The next time I’m tempted to have a robust social life, someone remind me: DON’T

[imaginedanganronpa]

Hello may I please request Drv3's cast as remnants of despair? thank you ^-^

I love Remnant of Despair AUs :) Thank you for the fun Request, I hope you like it!Also, I’m going to shamelessly self-plug here because I also did a DR1 Version of the Remnants of Despair, too! If you like this, check that one out, too!

Again, obvious Warnings for Su*cide Mentions, D*pression/Violence/Murder, etc. and Spoilers for V3!

NDRV3 Cast As The Remnants of Despair!

Kaede Akamatsu

Kaede would be one of the hardestpeople to bring onto the side of Despair and puts up a valiant fight againstJunko’s tactics, but even she can’t stay immune forever. After hours of picking her brain, she finally succumbed to the feeling.

Like Ibuki and Hiyoko, Kaede would hold Despair inducing concerts thatbrainwashed her audience, preaching about how they should all spread Despair. Her songs also encouraged murder and suicide and the music notes would be fine-tuned into high-pitched sounds that diminish your brain into mush and physically hurt to listen to.

Those notes are modified by Miu to infect others with Despair, like an auditory brainwashing technique.

Although Kaede would pretend to be a sweetheart and maintain her innocent personality, she would have great influence over her fans. As a very prominent musician, she would start preaching to her fans to follow Despair and do the unthinkable. Most of her younger followers were turned into minions of the Warriors of Hope, while her older audience succumbed to Despair and committed unimaginable crimes.

Kaede now wears her hair in double ponytails, like Junko, and wears Monokuma hairpins as well.

Saihara Shuichi

Saihara would resist the Despair for as long as possible, but would break when shown falsified videos of Kaede’s death.

In retaliation, his first act as a Remnant would be murdering the uncle he was so close to and complicating his death so that it would never be solved. He would do so in such a disturbingly violent and brutal fashion that it sends chills down the Forensic Investigator’s spines. Complicating other’s deaths is something he continues to do as well.

Saihara’s next course of action was to set the violent criminals he put in prison free and kill the guards who watched over them, laughing maniacally as he did so and spreading Despair to the inmates.

This lead to the criminals rampaging through the city, destroying it in Junko’s name. They would set the courthouse on fire and he would stand on top of the rubble, overlooking the destruction with a satisfied grin.

He would encourage them to vandalize Japan and actively force them to commit crimes like breaking into people’s homes and murder. Saihara directly caused the crime-rates in the city to skyrocket.

He would be much more violent as a Remnant. Where Saihara used to be frailer and weak, he would now be hostile and lash out as he showed little remorse for the justice system.

Maki Harukawa

Maki would be more resilienttowards the Despair and wouldn’t succumb as easily as her classmates, butultimately even she can’t escape its clutches. She would spew threats at Junko as she picked at her brain, and would become a valuable ally on her side.

Maki would use her true talent as the Ultimate Assassin to battle against themembers of the Future Foundation. Her mass amounts of assault weaponry wouldcome in handy as she sits in a tank driven by the other minions of Junko and mows down the Future Foundation’s army with a military-grade assault rifle and machine gun.

But she is also skilled in hand-to-hand combat and directly gets involved in the battle. Maki would likely infiltrate the Future Foundation Killing Game if it goes on for too long and assassinate the members participating, giving them no hope of ever finding the Traitor among them.

She would spread Despair to adults by masking as the Ultimate Child Caregiver andmurdering their children in front of them, driving most of the adults to suicide or madness.

Maki’s personality wouldn’t change very much, though. She would still be cold and distant, only a bit more unstable mentally.

Ouma Kokichi

He would be much easier tosway onto their side. Although, he would still be extremely sarcastic in theprocess, Ouma would be more open to Despair since he finds it intriguing. He would be one of the only Ultimates to willingly side with Junko out of boredom.

Ouma would then bring the rest of the members of DICE onto the side of Despair,enslaving them while forcing them to do the unthinkable and kill their families.

DICE already participated in heinous acts, but their crimes would only increase in severity as Remnant Ouma leads them, and anyone who tried to leave his organization or fight against the Despair would get publicly executed to set an example.

They would wreak havoc on the streets of Japan, vandalizing and destroying the city and physically lashing out against both the innocent bystanders and the law enforcement trying to stop them.

Ouma would lead a horde of Monokuma through the streets as their self-proclaimed leader, and command them to participate in countless crimes alongside DICE. He becomes a Supreme Leader over the Drones and Exisals, marching in the front of the pack and telling them what to do.

Himiko Yumeno

Obviously, Himiko wouldbring others onto the side of Despair through hypnosis and her magic. She would hold Despair-inducing Magic Shows where she used both her talent and a video that Junko and Miu created to brainwash her massive audience.

Her Show would be held in the Central Park of the city to reach a large number of people. Many families, including young children, would unknowingly attend, believing it to be a normal Magic Show. Her hypnosis would convince the younger children to join the Warriors of Hope, and the older audience to fall in line behind Junko, jumping on the vandalizing and violence bandwagon.

As a Remnant, Himiko would be much more cruel and cold, although her laziness would disappear. She would also use Tenko and string her along, abusing the poor girl, who actually wouldn’t mind.

Himiko would further herself into Despair, killing the ‘useless’ animals she had raised for her Shows. Her doves, rabbits - animals of that nature would be slaughtered and fed to her larger animals.

And the tigers, pythons, and other dangerous animals used in her acts would be set free after being put under hypnosis to kill anyone in their path.

Rantaro Amami

Rantaro wouldn’t be as easy tobrainwash: he is the Ultimate Survivor after all, and has powered through this once before; but even he can’t hold on forever. Even his determination wouldn’t be strong enough to resist the Despair.

The first thing he would do after becoming a Remnant is sacrifice all twelve ofhis sisters, murdering and mutilating them in violent ways and offering them up as sacrificesto Junko. Rantaro would feel no remorse as he did this, a sick grin forming on his face.

He is a naturally calm and relaxed person, but his personality twists into something much more chilling and disturbing. Rantaro has a way of smooth-talking others, which he could use when trying to lure the others onto the side of Despair. He could easily beckon people onto his side with his natural charm.

Normally, he doesn’t like to use his sexuality or good-looks and is uncomfortable with romance, but he would seduce others only to kill them and watch the life drain from their eyes, similar to Mikan.

And he would use his talent to travel around the world and spread Despair to other cultures, gaining a massive following in the process.

Tenko Chabashira

Tenko would snap very quickly since her will-power isn’t as strong as she would like to admit. After becoming a Remnant, she would starve herself until she was thin and frail, but still wouldn’t lose her physical strength.

She would mainly be used as a tool to fight against the Future Foundation, like Junko’s personal attack dog. Tenko would be used against the Future Foundation but also against innocent civilians who refused to succumb to Despair. Anyone who tried resisting would get ruthlessly slaughtered by the Aikido Master.

She would fall madly in love with Junko and do anything for her, seeing her in a God-like status.

Tenko would also obsess over Himiko more than she already did, though her personality would be much more outwardly perverted. To fuel her own Despair, she would try to strangle the small Magician, ultimately failing.

She makes it her goal to kill any degenerate male who refuses to bow down to Junko; men are the main group that she kills in acts of Despair.

And to further herself even more, she burns down the Neo-Aikido Temple that she trained and grew up in, slaughtering her former Masters in the process. Tenko drives herself crazy as she stands among the rubble of what used to be the Temple she loved so much.

Kiibo

All Junko had to do to turn Kiibointo a Remnant is reprogram him, so his transition was immediate and his personality completely flipped. Afterbecoming Remnants, Miu would also upgrade him to become a full-fledged killingmachine.

Kiibo becomes ruthless, no longer caring about anyone else and feeling little to no emotion. The voices he heard in his head would be reprogrammed, so rather than the public controlling him, he was only controlled by Junko and would be forced to do anything she wanted.

He would use his guns and weapons as an unstoppable force against the Future Foundation. He becomes the main weapon used against them, like a tool, unable to be destroyed. Kiibo’s eyes turn red and he is much more sinister as he flies above their heads and rains bullets upon them, going on a full blown rampage.

In an act of Despair, he also murders Professor Idabashi, since he was unsuccessful the first time he lashed out. Killing the man who created him brought an overwhelming amout of Despair to Kiibo, which is the only thing he can feel anymore.

And he uses his bombs to blow up buildings, as well as dropping grenades and fire-bombs onto the Future Foundation’s Army and Hope’s Peak’s building, completely destroying them.

Miu Iruma

She absolutely falls in love withDespair and starves herself into a husk to satisfy Junko; she very easily joins the side of Despair, almost willingly.

Miu would create inventions to bring people onto the side of Despair, taking great influence and inspiration from Junko.

She becomes the Head of the Robotics Department and would be the one in charge of creating all of the Monokuma and Exisals that rampage through the streets. She’s the one who created all of the Drones that invaded Towa City as well, her machines are programmed to invade the streets and kill as many people as possible. 

Miu would often sit inside the Exisals or have her Drones carry her so she could watch their destruction up close and personal, laughing evilly as they burn the city to the ground and take countless innocent lives.

With her knowledge of technology and the way it messes with the human mind, Miu creates a Despair inducing video similar to the one that brainwashed her; it’s the same one Kaede uses in her performances. She designed it to bring anyone who watches it onto the Remnant’s side.

She would still be a loudmouth, who preaches about Despair from inside her Exisals and screams insults belittling the people of Japan.

Kaito Momota

Before entering his Killing Game, Kaito auditioned with the intentions of killing as many people as possible for fame. After becoming a Remnant, his true psychopathic personality would take over and he would once again be fueled by the desire to earn fame and success.

Kaito would lash out against his fellow Remnants, especially Maki, but when that ultimately fails, he would turn towards slaughtering innocent civilians for seemingly no reason.

He becomes power-hungry and wants to conquer the world. He kills others just for the fun of it all, finding enjoyment out of watching others suffer at his mercy.

Using his talent as the Ultimate Astronaut, Kaito invades the Japanese Space Station and sends nuclear missiles to other countries to take as many lives as possible and start a war between nations. Afterwards, he would blow up the remaining missiles and kill his fellow Astronauts and scientists in the Station.

And Kaito would spread the Disease that he was infected with in the Killing Game, trying to make as many people ill as possible. With one of Miu’s inventions, he would launch the airborne Disease into Japan, which causes a countless number of people to become sick and hopeless.

Angie Yonaga

As a Remnant of Despair, Angiewould abandon Atua since it was the only thing that used to give her Hope and faith in the world, but she doesn’t need that anymore…

She goes on to destroy her former places of worship and delve herself deeper into Despair,laughing as she did so. Angie would go back to her home-island and destroy Atua’s Shrine and Temple, spreading Despair to her people and bringing them onto her side.

Anyone who refused to cooperate would be sacrificed and killed. Angie would recreate her religion to worship not Atua, but Junko, and lead her followers to sinful, Despairing acts. They would all follow her orders and abandon their religion for Despair, with Angie as their spokesperson.

Using her talent as the Ultimate Artist, Angie would also create dark, large, disturbing pieces depicting murder, death, and suicide, among other unsettling concepts and ideas. She would display them in public places where they would be seen often to strike a chord with viewers.

Her unsettling artwork would only further people into depression and emphasize that they had nothing left other than Despair. Angie would also create a large statue of Junko representing her as the nation’s new leader, which also influenced viewers to follow in her footsteps.

Korekiyo Shinguuji

If his sister was still alive, he would kill her and use her as a sacrifice to Junko. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have that option, so he continues with his quest to send ‘friends’ to her in the afterlife. Those friends also become sacrifices to satisfy Junko.

As a Remnant, Korekiyo would be more outwardly perverted and hostile than normal. He would be very easily brainwashed and would fall in love with the feeling of Despair, doing anything in his power to deepen his own mindset.

He would slowly lose his mind and his grip on reality. Korekiyo would become unstable and his moves will be unpredictable, likely becoming a  killer who murders others for the sake of entertainment. He is much less compassionate, but now cold and heartless. The only thing he can think of anymore is Despair.

But he uses his talent to travel to other places and spread Despair to other societies, preaching about how beautiful Despair is. Korekiyo continues leaving a trail of bodies in his path for not only his sister, but also for Junko, and uses his status as an Anthropologist to convince others to join him in Despair. Anyone who didn’t listen would become one of his sister’s friends.

He gains a large following, almost like a cult. He travels from country to country, bringing more people onto his side and becoming a prominent figure in many cultures.

Kirumi Tojo

Being the firecracker that she is, she would try to run away and fight against the brainwashing tactics, but it wouldn’t work.

As the Prime Minister of her country, Kirumi hasgreat power over others and would convince her people to commit suicide andwreak havoc among the streets in the name of Despair.

She would order her people to follow in hers and Junko’s footsteps or be killed, commanding her Army to kill anyone who tries to refuse or escape, which is ironic since that was exactly what she did in the Killing Game.

Kirumi has great influence over others and directs her people to commit suicide to fuel their Despair, and watching her followers drop like flies only dragged her down even more. She holds large public meetings and events where she tries to persuade others to join her, and this works since she is so powerful.

But Kirumi also becomes the Head over the fight against the FutureFoundation. Since she is so persuasive, she becomes a leader alongside Tsumugi, militarily commanding her friends like Maki, Tenko and Gonta, as well as Junko’s average minions, telling them how to fight and creating strategies to defeat the Future Foundation.

She is like the Remnant’s voice of reason, speaking on their behalf as the other Remnants worship her as their parental figure. She loses her own sanity and gains a power-trip, her ego skyrocketing.

Gonta Gokuhara

Gonta would be very resilient, not wanting to give into the brainwashing techniques, but he isn’t the strongest man mentally so he easily breaks and succumbs to Despair.

With that said, he completely ditches his gentlemanly persona and becomes an evil, cruel person. Gonta couldn’t care less about anyone else and becomes increasingly violent and hostile; due to his size and strength he becomes a terrifying, unstoppable force.

He would still be quite gullible, so he’s easy to boss around and does anything Junko tells him to do, like a mindless servant. She is the only person he cares for and respects: the only one he is a gentleman towards.

In relation to his talent, Gonta would infest people’s homes with insects in an attempt to force them to love bugs, but these aren’t just any ordinary insects: they are artificial Monokuma-bugs created by Miu.

Their purpose is to infect others with Despair through bug-bites and they are commanded by Gonta, doing what he says and going where he wants them to go. After being bitten by one of his bugs, you will fall into a deep, dark Despair and can be controlled by Junko.

He has an entire Army of these revolting insects that he can use on a whim. They crawl down the streets in a sea of insects, infecting others with Despair and spreading pathogens; they help spread Kaito’s illness.

Gonta also uses his brute strength as a weapon against the members of the Future Foundation, under Junko’s orders. He will be used as a killing machine, directly jumping into the battle and using physical force to combat them.

Tsumugi Shirogane

Tsumugi would become similar toMukuro and serve under Junko, helping brainwash others and pick at their brains. She would also be Junko’s test-subject for new torture methods and hypnosis videos.

Tsumugi was already overcome with Despair before her Killing Game and likely was the one who helped brainwash her classmates, so she’s been a Remnant this entire time. It was her idea to offer her classmates up as sacrifices, manipulating their talents to spread Despair to the rest of the world.

And she loved watching them all fall like dominoes, it only drove her deeper into her own madness. Tsumugi loved watching the chaos her classmates were responsible for, feeling a sense of pride knowing that she helped create this.

She would also use her talent to Cosplay as, or essentially disguise, herself as others to frame them for the Remnant’s crimes. She could disguise herself as certain Future Foundation members and incriminate them by planting fake ‘evidence’ of their involvement with the Remnants, causing many of them to be executed by the Foundation or thrown into prison. In reality, it was just Tsumugi pinning everything on them to prevent them from stopping the true Remnants crimes.

She would be Junko’s punching bag and servant, working endlessly to please her Master. She does anything Junko tells her to do and falls madly in love with the blonde, becoming her new second-in-command.

Ryoma Hoshi

It was very easy to brainwash Ryoma into becoming a Remnant of Despair; he was already depressed enough, so it didn’t take a lot to finally break him.

Remnant Ryoma would still be depressed, but more outwardly hostile and violent towards others. He is much more cruel and corrupted and this feeling of Despair becomes his reason to live.

He doesn’t have a lot of influence over others and his loved ones are already dead, so in order to spread Despair, Ryoma would work towards slaughtering the remaining Mafia members who took his loved one’s lives.

This strikes fear into the Mafia members who managed to escape his wrath, but those who did escape would be turned towards Despair, becoming very valuable allies with ties to a larger Army.

And Ryoma would become their new leader. He becomes a very prominent, deadly figure as he is the new leader of an entire Mafia organization, all of which are ready to aid the Remnants in the fight against the Future Foundation. He commands them to join in the fight, adding another complicated layer to the battle.

Using his talent, Ryoma would persuade and challenge others to unwinnable Tennis matches where they would work so hard that they dropped from exhaustion, pushing others to their absolute limits. Once they were down for the count, he would hypnotize them into joining Despair and add his colleagues to his own Army.

- Mod Rantaro

[irarelypostanything]

Slice of Life[6]

[Andy]

“There have been some increasingly controversial topics in the news,” began Andy, in the milionth meeting they were holding that week, “and I know that not everyone here is in agreement with regard to personal beliefs.  Though there is some merit to discussing these topics, I would encourage you to do so outside of work.

“So please,” he continued, “for the love of the old gods and the new, stop arguing about the last episode of Game of Thrones.”

“It was kind of bullshit though, right?” asked Jake, to murmurs of approval.  

“I haven’t watched it yet,” complained Kevin.

“Spoiler,” said Jake, “it sucked.”

“Jake, please.”

“There was a shocking twist about Tyrion being the Night King.”

“Kevin, Jake may or may not be messing with you.”

“I did think the part where Eddard rose from the dead was a little out of left field, though.”

“Amy, please proceed with your presentation.”

Amy was standing in front of their conference room’s projector.  Her long, dark brown hair was tied into a bun, and her usual Davis badminton jacket was replaced by a white button-up.

“Thanks Andy,” she said, relieved that the meeting was back under control, “as I was saying, this project is worth roughly 25.6 million dollars, collectively.  As is the usual case, the largest defense contractors are going to take the majority of business.

“But this is where things get interesting.  I’m going to have to be intentionally vague about the next portion of this, since we’re in a nonclassified setting, but we have certain...capabilities...that even some of the largest corporations don’t.  Thanks to some wise decisions we made early last year with regard to our research allocations, we are actually the first team we know of that can use...”

Her voice trailed.  “Well, that’s also classified.  But the figures aren’t.  Look at this.”  The slide changed.  “We are poised to become the government’s preferred vendor for the entire sensor, and all we have to do is give them a taste.  They expect delivery within three weeks.  For this to work, all teams have to collaborate perfectly.”

“It’s really important that we execute this now,” agreed Andy, “that means it’s really, vitally important that we not let our meetings diverge into arguments about petty bullshit.

“Kevin, we’d like a status report from you.  What’s the important software issue you said you wanted everyone to know about?”

“I know we were told not to compile on the hardware,” began Kevin, “but unfortunately, with our system, it’s unavoidable.  The time stamps are messed up, so doing basic things like compilation is surprisingly difficult.”

“Why not code it in Python?” suggested Jake.  “that way you won’t need to compile it.”

“Wow,” said Dan, with mock amazement, “switch programming languages.  Brilliant.  This is the kind of empty-headed bullshit that only a hardware engineer would come up with.”

“Right,” Jake retorted, “because messed up time stamps is a hardware issue.  Do you guys also give your system administrators mops, then give your janitors root access?”

“Switching to python actually isn’t a bad idea,” said Ryan, “but there’s a much more obvious solution to this problem.  You can-”

“Hang on,” interrupted Dan, “care to repeat that comment about root access?”

“You guys don’t understand separation of duty,” said Jake.

“You guys don’t understand fuck about fuck,” said Dan.

The next half hour went about as productively as that conversation.

[Nora]

Saturday.  It was a surprisingly clear morning, for San Francisco, and the sun was just starting to rise.  Because it was San Francisco, though, the morning was ice cold.

Nora made her way up the steep trail of Mt. Davidson.  Kevin said he knew every trail and angle at this place, and she believed him.  The park was tiny.  She reached the peak with ease.  She glanced in the direction of the sun, then turned away to look at downtown in the distance.  She could see the bay, and Castro, and a bunch of major downtown buildings until her view reached Sutro Mountain.

She pulled out her cell phone.  “This is boring,” she told Kevin through the speaker.

“Did you know it’s the tallest hill in all of San Francisco?”

“Highest of the seven hills?”

“Sure.”

“What, because of the giant cross?”

“I admit that the giant cross is cheating, but the point still stands.”

“Not sure what the big deal is, to be honest.  I’ve had a more fun time at Bernal Heights, and that place has some pretty good coffee.”

“Giant blue building.”

“What?”

“Find the spot where Balboa is, look a bit to the left, and you’ll see that giant blue building.  It’s a water tower.  We used to sneak up there, forever ago, when we were young.”

“Okay...”

“I used to love this city.  It’s not the same now.  Whenever I came back it was never the same, always a little different.  So I started to come home every month, then every other month.  The last time we spoke, it was my first time back in almost a year.”

“Well, what’s changed?”

“It’s just different.”

Nora looked at the tower, then at Kevin’s high school, then at the water again.  From a distance, it was all tiny.  Like none of it mattered.

“You used to love this city,” asked Nora, “and now you don’t because it’s changed?”

“Exactly.  You took the words right out of my mouth.”

“So you believe that the city you once loved is gone.  I believe that the city you loved never existed.”

“That’s morbid.”

“Seriously, how much of it had you really seen?”

Nora looked again at the view.  “Oh wait, technically you’ve seen quite a bit of it.”

“Technically.”

[Kevin]

Sunday.  Kevin was at a church.  Again.

After another sermon, a middle-aged person named Leo (whom he had met a couple of weeks ago) sought him out.

“Hey Kevin,” he said, “do you know a lot about social media?”

The question hit him with surprise.  Kevin had once been obsessed with social media.

“I know a little bit,” said Kevin, “why do you ask?”

“I’d like to give our church more of an online presence, but it’s all new to me.  What do you know about Facebook groups?”

“Well,” said Kevin, “not too much.  I know that you can pay to have the algorithm favor you, so you get more traffic.  I also know that you can integrate it with Google Analytics, and I believe the algorithm will favor you if you can rack likes or comments in a five-minute window.

“The whole thing is very calculated.  The emojis you use, whether you use GIFs, whether you use tags...all of these are taken into consideration when considering your post placement.”

“That’s all fine and good,” said Leo, “but you don’t sound super enthusiastic right now about Facebook.”

“Have you heard of Life Church?”

“No.”

“It’s a nice resource, it’s an online church, but it’s just a little bit too good.  It’s hard to describe.  It’s ridiculously high quality video, full Facebook integration, professional band.  You can view the likes and comments in real time.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“It’s weird.  All of this is weird to me for some reason.  Doing that kind of thing for a church?  I prefer sites like Medium.  I can harvest so much sweet, sweet data.”

“Are you okay?  You just turned red.”

“You know, I get crazy about this a lot.  I used to be a normal guy.  A couple likes here, a couple likes there.  I started to find forums where I could get 100 likes a post, consistently, and I started to get a presence.  Click, like, share.  Click, like, share.  It’s no way to live, man.  Every second a feeling of wanting judgment, every act of communication a desperate plea to please the algorithm.

“But this one time, this one night I’ll never forget, I put up an article that went #trending.  It got 36,000 Facebook shares.  Pretty okay, sure, but then I found the real analytics.  3 million hits.  3 million people read it, all around the world.”

For a little while, Leo just stood there.  Finally, he spoke again.

“Kevin, I just want to share some videos.”

“Oh, okay.  Have you considered YouTube?”

“What’s that?”

Kevin walked back to his apartment after lunch.  Part of him wished he could be as enthusiastic about church as he was about technology, but there was still something he couldn’t get over.  It was a belief that was fundamental to him for as long as he remembered.  It was a belief that went against everything he had read in every book of the bible.

Kevin didn’t think it mattered what people believed.  All that mattered to him was what people did.

Some Christians donated to the poor, built schools, saved lives.  Some atheists donated to the poor, built schools, saved lives.  Both Christians and non-Christian people had done great things, and horrible things, but so had Muslims.  And Hindu people.  And scientologists, and probably a million other religions.  But no one thought it was okay to believe that your beliefs didn’t matter.  

Kevin wasn’t sure if he believed in everything or nothing.  He figured it was impossible to believe in nothing, because that would mean that he still believed in something.

[Dan]

Monday.  8PM.  Dan was one of the only people in.

It was a long meeting, followed by a crucial lunch meeting, followed by coding, followed by another meeting.  These past few days had been tough on everyone, but Dan sometimes wished he could just hole up, not talk to anyone, and code.

He finally had a few hours to himself.  This was when he felt most productive.

2, he thought.  2, 4, 8, 16…

Dan’s weapon of choice had always been C++.  He knew bitwidths, 56-megabyte proprietary structs, obscure abbreviations that only meant anything to him, Andy, and the Department of Defense.  He knew 18 different ways to bind to a socket.  He knew 19 different ways to accidentally bind to the socket incorrectly, which is why he was careful who he hired.

He looked at his code.  100 lines.  18 minutes.  It compiled, implemented a client/server, verified that both sides were properly using the data.  Not bad.  He added error handling, comments, varied conditions.  He updated his code like a skilled writer polishing his prose, and like a skilled writer he knew how important every individual unit was.  He knew how significant the difference was between --i and i--.  He knew the implications of using [] on a vector instead of .at()

Having accomplished his main goal, he decided to spend a few minutes making fun of other people on Github issues.

He saw one branch of code where someone failed, failed again, then tried changing all the include statements from using “” to using <>.  Dan laughed.

He saw one branch of code where someone tried to log everything as fatal.  This was surprisingly common, especially for people too dumb to figure out how to set log level.  Dan laughed.

Then Dan saw a branch made by one of his best friends.

Ex-friends.  No one ever figured it out.  Things were mysterious, but for reasons he never understood this friend’s family chose not to mention their company (or Dan) once.  But how did it happen?  This was also mysterious.  Dan compiled a list of all the things he had learned after college, and it was long, but one item stood out:

When an obituary omits cause of death, that usually means it’s suicide.

What appalled Dan wasn’t the act itself, but the sheer indifference that their company displayed.  They just didn’t care.  His cubicle was replaced by an intern’s, then another intern’s.  That’s more or less how he felt the company regarded this death.  It was a name tag change, a commented out line in payroll.  It frustrated Dan to no end, the sheer meaningless and triviality of the ordeal.  

Silently, when he was sure no one was there to hear, Dan wept.

He cried to a timer.  When five minutes passed, he got back on track with coding.

[ladysdork]

Some Days It All Comes Crashing Down

“Jay? Fuck, Jay?” Dick’s fingers run along his neck, searching for the clasp on his helmet. “Shit, he’s hyperventilating.”

Jason doesn’t like being stuck underground. Luckily, he has a very patient knowledgeable boyfriend to lay on the ground with him. Tim can be comforting.  

“Hood, report,” the deep gravel of Batman’s voice rumbles in his ear and Jason frowns, lips pursing slightly. The ancient subway system is completely clear at their end - it’s just some rusted tracks, graffitied tile, and squeaking rats. Nightwing is making shadow puppets with the flashlight as he searches, the two blue fingers twisting into snouts and mouths. They’ve been at it for two hours and the only suspicious thing they found was a box of old honeybuns stamped four years ago that still looked fully eatable. He had dared Dick to try one, but then Bruce immediately banned them over the comm before Dick had gotten past tearing open the wrapper.

“Nothing here, just Wing’s circus animal light show,” he could hear Bab’s snort muffled by her hand but still there through the line. “Yeah, you picked him, O. That’s on you.”

“Not to be a bummer,” Steph’s voice came through. “But those three stooges you were lookin’ for? But we’ve got em all tied up with a pretty pretty bow on top over here. So if the Batmobile could come pick them up we can all get back to being above fuckin’ ground.”

“Location?” Batman responds.

“Right under that Chinese place Red Robin likes,” Steph answers breasily.

“Ugh, eggrolls,” Tim’s voice practically moans over the line and Jason has to consciously not choke a reply. He figures that a couple months into dating he should be used to the pornographic sounds his boyfriend makes over various types of food. “Can we get lo mein for dinner? I’m ordering for us once I have some kind of cell coverage.”

“Are you ready to rendezvous?” Damian’s crisp tone cut past Dick’s echoing laughter through both the comm and the air around Jason. “Meet at the center?”

“Can do,” Steph chirped. “Red Robin and Spoiler en-route.”

“You know that’s not real French,” Tim starts at the same time Damian announces he and Cass’s agreement.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Dick starts, and Jason already knows he’s going to hate the next words out of his mouth just by the tone. “But, um, my normal map tracker got zinged by a bullet a week ago and I haven’t had the time to fix it so I don’t really know how to get there can someone-”

Jason knows, he can hear in the distance, Dick is continuing to talk even when Damian cuts in. But all he can hear is the sudden whoosh of veins dilating and a pounding heart pushing a wall of blood past his ears. All he can feel is the numbness creeping up his fingers and the constricting python around his chest as his brain re-starts at ‘stuck underground in Gotham’. He’s already been here. He’s waited for people and they didn’t show up and that’s how he woke up in a suffocating coffin with no air underground and had to claw his way out with bloody fingers and his nails never grew back right or his ribs or-

“Jay? Fuck, Jay?” Dick’s fingers run along his neck, searching for the clasp on his helmet. “Shit, he’s hyperventilating.”

Jason knows someone else responds, sounds like Tim’s angry voice, but he’s jerked away from the fingers reaching around his neck, trying to suffocate him or pull him out and back to life and either way it isn’t good, and he trips, falls back and lands hard on his spine. The pain radiates for a second, bringing enough clarity and awareness to his limbs that Jason pulls them all in, ducks his head into his hands, and stays.

No one can reach him. Hands can’t pry him open, apart, vulnerable to attack or misguided affection. He is strong enough for that, knows where to hold onto his neck and tuck his elbows in. Kicks won’t reach anything too important - kidney’s might get hit but usually he just throws up, no wait, he’s got kevlar, and bones might break, no wait, he’s got kevlar, but the pressure of curling up is keeping his chest even tighter and he can’t breath fast enough because something is over his face-

He isn’t sure how long he stays curled up - a panicked tone floating around him - before he hears a good voice. A safe voice.

“Jay, it’s me,” Tim. “It’s Tim. I’m sitting right in front of you. I’ve got you covered, okay?”

He can’t nod back, can’t open his mouth to speak because something is still on his face so he can’t get enough air and it’s all muggy and warm, so he taps with fingers-

“Okay, I understand. Jason, you’re okay, it’s your helmet. I’m going to remove it though,” he feels fingers press softly against his shoulders, two sets sliding up steadily until they push on something and his head is pulled free. Light blooms beyond his eyelids, and he tries to open them but it’s too much. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. You can keep your eyes shut, I’ve got you, Tim’s got you. We are sitting on the ground, and I’m here. Your helmet is off, but it’s near by. Just off until you can breathe enough to put it back on, okay?”

He nods. He can do that. Breathing is such a simple task and if he can’t do that he deserves to stay dead.

“I’m lying down with you, okay,” he hears the grit and dirt move and then feels air ghost across his face. “Okay, Jason, can you give me one hand? So I can breathe with you?”

He shakes his head. He can’t. He needs that hand.

“Okay, that’s okay. I’m going to count them out, but when you think you can, if you can, just reach out. My fingers are still on your arm, so just follow up me okay?”

Yeah, yeah, he can do that. He’s dead but apparently he can do that. So when he feels Tim’s fingers trace up to his shoulder, rest against his bicep, he nods.

“Good. Okay. In, one, two, three, four. Out, one, two, three. In…”

He concentrates on the warmth of Tim’s hand. His palm is pressed against him, more pressure than warmth through the leather jacket. But he knows how warm Tim is. Which is to say not at all, usually. But he wants to feel it, so he wiggles his fingers. Just a little. Just so the tips press against his chin and he can feel the stubble - it’s been a long week of papers - and that makes it easier to move his arm. So he works on extending it, feels Tim’s fingers move to rest against his side and press to his ribs as he settles his own big hand on Tim’s chest. He stops listening to Tim’s counting, just feels the rise and fall under his hand, against his hand, and does his best to copy.

“Good job, Jay,” Tim’s voice makes it past his brain that still says dig, claw, fight. “Good job. I’ve got you, you just keep breathing, okay? As long as you breathe, we are going to be just fine.”

That’s a fucking lie. Just over the weekend Tim woke up screaming because he had a very realistic nightmare that everyone died. It has happened to him before and it could happen again. Jason knows it. Tim knows it. But they both hope to God it won’t. But expecting fine in their like ignoring the bomb in the warehouse. But living like death is right around the corner is impossible, exhausting, too much. So until then, he’s going to live the rest of his days cleaning up coffee mugs and waking up to Tim talking in his sleep. He’s going to live.

He can do this.

For Tim. For himself. For them.

He opens his eyes, just little slivers in case it’s still blinding like it was before, but Tim’s blocked most of the light and all he can see is blue. The same light blue he wakes up and falls asleep to. The same blue he kisses and sometimes has to pry away from computer screens even under death-glare and bo-staff. Which is no joke coming from his boyfriend, Jason's seen what happens when he levels that weapon at others, but tea, cuddles, and smores poptarts - eugh - make an excellent bribe. Tim shifts slowly, fingers curling around to pull them closer as he tips his head and presses their foreheads together. Tim is warm, solid, steady. There and patient just like always. The familiar swirl of Tim cologne, coffee, and sweat slowly permeats his head, wrapping him in a Tim- sized bubble and grounds him back to this safe moment.

Jason isn’t totally sure how long he’s been on the ground. But he guesses ten minutes. Which is plenty enough time to spend on an old subway track. So, he copies Tim’s breathing some more, makes sure he’s doing it right, before pressing harder against Tim’s head.

“Help me up?”

“Of course,” it takes another minute of helping muscles unlock and joints creak but then he’s standing, Tim staring up at him with that soft worried smile. His eyes are all crinkly at the edges. “Do you think you are okay to walk?”

“Yeah, yeah, I am,” Jason swallows and clumsily tangles their hands together. “But-”

“I’ve got you,” Tim fixes the order of their fingers so it feels right, squeezes gently. “Dick went to go get the bike, but we can start walking. We aren’t far.”

“Okay, sounds good.”

“I think you scared him. He was staring at us until I got on the floor with you. Then he said he didn’t want to be in the way,” Tim laughed slightly and Jason drank in the sound. “Even though he was standing a good several meters off.”

“Yeah well I think I did kind of shove him away and fall to the ground.”

“That would explain it,” Tim squeezes his hand again, gaze flicking back up to Jason instead of down at all the iron spikes and rocks and broken glass. “Need anything else?”

Jason takes a second, runs an assessment down his body. Feet are good, he can feel his boots crunch down on shifting soil every few steps. Legs are walking a little slow, feel a little shaky, but nothing he doesn’t experience on the regular. His chest is breathing. He feels a little nauseous, but that will fade into hunger by the time they get home. So he smiles slightly, knows it looks wrong but also knows Tim knows that, and squeezes back.

“I’m good. Alive and with you. So, good,” Tim’s stomach rumbles. “But I’m not cooking tonight so you should order in.”