#(which i am aware that is the whole purpose of tumblr but)

[pinacoladamatata]

eating my popcorn watching all this drama go down irt the larian discord server

[lifemod17]

thank you @wispmotherr and @tonguetyd for tagging me in this 🥰🥰

Using only song titles of one artist/band, cleverly answer the questions and then tag others:

Artist: in honour of the release of Wasteland, Baby! Deluxe, I am going with mister Hozier

What is your gender: Francesca

How do you feel: All Things End

If you could go anywhere: In The Woods Somewhere

Favorite mode of transportation: Run

Your best friend: Jackie And Wilson

Favorite time of day: First Light

If your life was a TV show: Wasteland, Baby!

Relationship status: Nobody

Your fear: Why Would You Be Loved

this is really fun!! here are some no pressure tags: @sleepsitems @melioradeluxe @melit0n @sleep-token @hookedhobbies @shatterthefragments @notthesaviouryoulongfor @ratinthevoid @politemagic

[alcorian-cycle]

So, I just want to say something real quick about Wilbur Soot and the expectation fans have of all his friends to come out and immediately make statements and drop him. I particularly want to talk about Tommy because i see parallels between his relationship with Wilbur and my relationship with an adult who made me feel responsible for his wellbeing. I am not saying that their relationship is like this, just that based on what we've seen it could be, and we should be prepared to be empathetic and understanding to Tommy in case it is like this.

So some background. Starting at 13 or 14, I had a friend in his thirties who made me feel responsible for his mental health. I won't go into great detail, but I was constantly reassuring him and trying to keep him from killing himself, which was something he gave me multiple scares about. He would disappear and not respond to messages for days or weeks after posting suicide notes on his tumblr... but he was fine every time, just stepping away. Still, it scared me every time, and I felt like I hadn't been doing a good enough job helping him be happy.

I was friends with him from 13 to 16 and I felt responsible not just for his happiness, but his life.

It was so difficult to end that friendship that it took him blocking me multiple times before i could accept that he wasn't my responsibility anymore.

I defended him, let him get away with shit, let him have way more power over my life and beliefs and relationships than he should have. Because i was so toxically attached to him and believed what he told me, I seriously hurt my best friend in the whole world and I will never be able to fully express how sorry I am for it.

I'm saying this because there is evidence that Wilbur and Tommy's relationship contains similar dynamics. Wilbur has said that he relies on Tommy for his mental health. They met when Tommy was, what, 15? That's not healthy. Wilbur is an adult. I've also heard that Tommy has had to talk Wilbur down from suicide. This is extremely similar to what I experienced, and as much as it discomforts me to be seriously speculating about two ccs' relationship off-camera, I can't help but see the strong similarities to my story.

And Shelby's story corroborates this kind of behavior from Wilbur. She also was made to feel like Wilbur relied on her. For Shelby it was about his living situation--she felt like he needed her to take care of him, like he was too traumatized or depressed to take care of his own house and affairs, and if she stopped doing it it just wouldn't get done. And because she is a kind person, she didn't want to leave him like that.

This kind of behavior traps the victim in a relationship with the abuser by making them feel guilty if they try to leave or even distance themselves. It makes the victim feel like they cant hurt or go against the abuser in any way, for fear of blood on their hands, literal or metaphorical. It drives you to defend them, to try to stay by their side even as they prove themselves a terrible person.

So if Tommy isn't immediate and decisive in dropping Wilbur, I think we should be understanding. In these sorts of manipulative relationships, its really hard to speak badly of the abuser, and its hard to accept when others say they're abusive. That's an aspect of the abuse.

It took me until I was 13 to even be consciously aware of my mom doing this to me, and I only became aware of that "friend" doing it when I hadn't spoken to him in years.

This is the sort of thing that is VERY difficult to process and navigate and I think we should give Tommy, and other people close to Wilbur, some grace in navigating it. They should still drop him, but I think we should let them take some time because dropping an abuser who acts like this is very difficult, and they make it so on purpose.

[myfairstarlight]

A Lover's Quill

AO3 Link.

Rated: M

Length: 2k

Pairing: Colin Bridgerton x Penelope Featherington

Canon Divergence

Based on my own post here, s1 AU in which a love letter is written instead of a scandalous gossip column...

This will be a multi-chaptered fic, but this first chapter can be read as a standalone. The whole story is already planned out! I'm not sure I will post every chapter on tumblr yet, but I will update on ao3 frequently as long as my life allows it.

Summary:

Dear Colin Bridgerton, As I understand it, this must be a farewell. Penelope’s fingers shake as she wraps them around her quill. Her eyes slide towards the crumpled pieces of paper scattered at the foot of her desk, wondering if such unrequited fantasy is even worth her tortured ink. Or. A s1 AU in which instead of a Whistledown column, Penelope writes a letter to Colin the night before he and Marina plan to elope.

*additional notes on ao3.

꧁༺࿅ིཽ• –– •❈• –– •࿅ིཽ༻꧂

Dear Colin Bridgerton,

As I understand it, this must be a farewell.

Penelope’s fingers shake as she wraps them around her quill. Her eyes slide towards the crumpled pieces of paper scattered at the foot of her desk, wondering if such unrequited fantasy is even worth her tortured ink.

I wish I had the courage to tell you what I am on the brink of revealing to your face, so forgive my cowardness for hiding behind a quill instead. These past few weeks have been full of agonising feelings, and ones I had to fully come to terms with before I could share them with you.

She pauses as she hears commotions outside her door. Servants are running up and down the estate in their haste to gather Marina’s belongings.

I must apologise, for my meddling regarding your and Marina’s courtship. It was not my place to dictate what either of you should do or should feel, even in my misguided belief that I was helping. I do believe that if one is lucky enough to be in love, well, one should declare it as loudly and fervently as you have done, claiming Marina’s hand in front of her many suitors.

She has shared with me your plans to elope to Gretna Green, I hope you do not fault her for divulging your secret. That way, I can wish you all the luck and happiness.

Penelope takes a deep breath. She knows the next words to be the hardest to put into paper and her fingers start to shake once more.

I must, once more, beg your forgiveness for my cowardness as I cannot bring myself to say those words in front of you. I truly do wish for your happiness, and yet I know the words would get lost between my heart and my mouth because there is another truth I could never speak into existence, for I knew it to be a meaningless affair.

I love you, Colin. I have loved you for many years before either of us even debuted in society. Perhaps from the moment we met, it is quite embarrassing really.

Nothing would ever come out of it, I was aware. But you deserve to know, and perhaps I also needed to admit it, to put it into the world, so I may now move on and seriously consider my prospects when I had been fighting them all season. I hope I can find a match that ignites the fire that bursts within your heart with Marina. I hope I will be as lucky one day.

I bid you farewell, my dearest friend.

Yours Truly,

Penelope Featherington.

To her surprise, the tears she feels building up in her eyes do not fall as she carefully folds the paper and seals the letter. When the wax solidifies, Penelope drops a kiss over the butterfly design.

She thinks of the ironic accuracy of her family’s symbol. Just like her heart, a butterfly will not live long once it takes flight, but at least it is free.

꧁༺࿅ིཽ• –– •❈• –– •࿅ིཽ༻꧂

Sneaking out to Bridgerton House is a familiar affair, Penelope is pretty sure Mrs Varley purposely looks away every time, a part of her cannot believe she truly is that invisible. The letter safely tucked in her bosom, she easily finds John, who looks at her with surprise and worry.

“Miss Featherington you should not—” he cuts himself off as Penelope thrusts the letter in his hand. “Ah. For Miss Eloise?”

“Mr Bridgerton,” Penelope corrects. “Colin, that is,” she clarifies, though John would know she barely ever speaks to Benedict outside of polite conversations and would have no reason to write to him. “Please make sure he receives it first thing in the morning. Is Eloise…?” She points towards the garden.

John nods, carefully putting the letter away. “Is everything alright, Miss?”

Penelope takes a deep breath. “You are aware of his plans, correct?”

“Indeed. I am to drive the carriage to the port.” A beat of silence. “For all that is worth, Miss, I do not think he is making a wise decision.”

She is not quite sure why, but servants have always felt comfortable gossiping in front of her, and even to her. Penelope will not complain, however.

“Well, it is not our place to say.”

“Is this letter not about that? Mr Bridgerton has always keenly listened to you.”

Penelope chuckles. “You flatter me, John. I do not think anyone has ever listened to me.”

But the Ton will gladly consume her every word, as long as it is put on paper. It would not have been worth losing Marina’s trust or breaking Colin’s heart, she thinks.

Although, a treacherous voice whispers in her mind, is it truly for the better, to keep silent? Though Colin believes himself in love, would it be enough to bear the burden of another man’s child? To feel the humiliation upon realising he was but a means to an end? And would Marina be able to live with herself? She has a good and kind heart, Penelope knows that to be true, but even the most beautiful souls can be pushed to cruel means when no other solution is within grasp.

Ultimately, Penelope thought, a couple of hours earlier when she decided against using her greatest weapon in Whistledown, this matter did not involve her. Marina is her cousin, Colin is her friend, but this issue only concerns them. Penelope has tried her best without breaking anyone’s trust, and she is at her limit. She cannot keep being the messenger.

And therefore, she has one more secret to divulge.

Curtseying in front of John — although she is aware she does not need to since he is a mere footman, she thinks it is still polite to do so — she ventures into the garden, to immediately find Eloise sitting at one of the swings. Their eyes meet, but Eloise does not move, nor does she scream at her to leave. So Penelope sits on the other swing.

“El.”

“Pen.”

The use of nicknames makes her smile.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“I’m sorry for not listening to you.”

A pause.

“However," Eloise huffs, "you were so wrong because you’re really pretty, Penelope, if only your mother did not have the most horrendous taste in gowns. Never speak of my best friend as such ever again!”

And just like that, they are friends again. Penelope could cry.

“There was another reason I did not wish to discuss Whistledown with you at the time,” she confesses. Eloise makes a questioning noise, a hand reaching for Penelope’s arm. Penelope squeezes it. “It is because I am Whistledown.”

There is a moment of silence as they stare at each other. For a moment, Penelope worries she won’t be believed. Who could imagine sharp and cunning Whistledown as the petite, two-stones-too-heavy Featherington girl? Eloise's grip has gone lax on her arm before suddenly the brunette girl brightens up.

“Of course!” she exclaims. “It makes so much sense! My best friend, the cleverest woman feared by the Ton!”

Penelope blinks, taken aback, before giggling at her friend’s pure excitement. “Eloise! You exaggerate.”

“Oh, you must tell me how you managed such a fit! And do I get the exclusive before anyone else now?”

Penelope smiles and nods enthusiastically, holding Eloise's hands preciously between hers.

If she must say goodbye to her love, at the very least she will always have Eloise and frankly, it is as good, if not better.

“But say, is it still true? Do you wish to marry even though you have such a gem within your hands?” Eloise asks, her voice gone soft. “You could be entirely independent, you do not need a man.”

Penelope lets out a forlorn sigh. “I still wish for it, although I very much doubt I ever will.”

꧁༺࿅ིཽ• –– •❈• –– •࿅ིཽ༻꧂

John has never been one to care for his employers’ affairs. When the other members of the staff start to gossip, he tends to turn his head and not listen, out of respect. This season has truly tested his limits, however, between Miss Bridgerton, now Duchess of Hastings, debuting, and Mr Bridgerton, the youngest — bar little Gregory — getting so unexpectedly engaged.

And of course, the now notorious Lady Whistledown who rose from the shadows seemingly out of nowhere, stirring up society for being such a bold and yet secretive woman. Gossip had become an inherent part of everyday life, more so than it already was. Whistledown held up a mirror in the Ton’s face to heighten the whispers, and so the Ton speaks even louder because they love to look at themselves.

All that to say, John cannot help but be curious. Miss Penelope’s letter feels heavy. Not literally, of course, but the metaphorical weight of it feels monumental. It is as if he failed to deliver it in time, the world would not be turning on its axis any longer. There was a quiet resignation on the young lady’s face, so far from the warmth she usually bears. In truth, when he heard that Miss Penelope had debuted early and that Mr Colin Bridgerton was courting someone, John, much like the rest of the staff, had assumed she was the one he was courting. There was obvious affection between them, of a sweet and innocent kind, rare in its beauty, and everyone believed they would follow the path Lady Bridgerton and her late husband followed, finding true love at a young age in each other. Alas, perhaps it was only wishful thinking.

And again, it does not concern John, he is merely the messenger — or the driver.

Even so, he decides he would rather not wait. He is aware most of the family is still awake, including the very Bridgerton he is in search of. He finds him brooding in the library, a likely place for him to be, fidgeting by the window.

“Sir,” John says, startling the young man who almost drops the book he was holding. “A missive, for you.”

“A missive?” Colin repeats, intrigued and wary.

“From Miss Penelope, sir,” John clarifies, giving him the letter. He sees the moment Colin's shoulders relax, and his eyes bear a spark of happiness at the sound of her name.

Ah. Foolish youth.

“Right. Thank you, John.”

John nods, bows, then takes his leave. It seems this social season, although coming to its end, will still be full of surprises.

And if it prevents him from waking at the breaks of dawn the next day, he will not be complaining.

(A mere hour later, he catches Colin sneaking out of the house and running across the square. John suspects a new scandal shall befall this family in the morning.)

[mbm-artist]

Hi there hello, I'm sure you're wondering either

A) Why tf I just reblogged a bunch of stuff in the span of like 30 seconds

B) What's going on in general

C) What's the point of this post you're reading

D) All of the above

Well dear viewer, I'm gonna give you a TL;DR and then under the cut give a more in-depth explanation, I'll even cut it up into different sections to make viewing easier :)

⚠️ Trigger Warnings ⚠️

Randy (duh), a LOT of swearing (duh), suicide mentions, pedophilia/attempted grooming/etc mentions, queerphobia (transphobia, homophobia, etc), misogyny, mentions of sexual things, slurs, harassment, general 16+ content mentions

Disclaimer

Randy is a 14 year old minor (allegedly) as of the time this post was made, please DO NOT INTERACT with him, just block him and report him as many times as you want. This post's purpose is to spread awareness and maybe hopefully get him banned from Tumblr. Please do not go after, attack, or interact with him or his (supposed) "girlfriend" (he has her tagged at the bottom of his pinned post). I suggest you block (NOT REPORT) his "girlfriend" too, you can never be too careful.

As of the time this post was made Randy's father and school have been contacted, and we are waiting on an update.

Please offer all the victims of Randy unconditional love and support, they deserve that and so much more for all the bullshit this kid put them through, don't you dare even TRY to victim blame them. I will flame you if you attack them at all in any way shape or form, no excuses, ifs, ands, or buts.

I am also a minor in high school (not giving my age for my own safety), so take that how you will. My pronouns are they/them/he/him if you don't know already :D

One more thing before we get into it (if it wasn't obvious already),

GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY PAGE AND BLOCK ME IF YOU'RE QUEERPHOBIC (transphobic, homophobic, etc) OR AGREE WITH RANDY IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. DO NOT FUCKING INTERACT WITH ME EVER AGAIN.

Thank you, you may now proceed.

Links

The Google Doc (Alllllll the info about this guy in one place, most reliable source of info) | Randy's "gf's" tag, #proud randy supporter (Second-most reliable source of info, this has a LOT of updates on him in real time) | Randy tag, #randysworld-multi-fandom-fan/randysworld2009 (Second-most reliable source of info, all posts related to him will [hopefully] be here) | Randy's Interactions With Me (proof of him interacting with me) | Google Photos Album (just all of the screenies of proof in one place, I'm gonna tryyyyy to keep this updated as much as I can but no promises)

My response to the 1st ask he sent me | My response to the 2nd ask he sent me (pretty much the same as the first one)

The Short Explanation

So basically this whole fiasco is about @randysworld-multi-fandom-fan or otherwise known as randysworld2009

His crime(s)?

1. Hypocrisy

2. Queerphobia (transphobia, homophobia, the works)

3. Misogyny

4. Perversion (being a pervert)

5. Suicide baiting

6. Pedophilia accusations (all of which are false, and carelessly thrown around)

7. Attempted grooming(?) of fellow minors

8. Slurs (need I say more?)

9. Harassment (in case that wasn't obvious already)

Among other things

He's been interacting with accounts in the following fandoms (as of the time this post was posted):

The Amazing Digital Circus (TADC)

Hellaverse (Hazbin Hotel & Helluva Boss, or HV/HH/HB)

Murder Drones (MD)

SMG4 (Super Mario Glitchy 4)

Yo Gabba Gabba (YGG)

TL;DR this guy is a 5yo Gen Alpha brainrotted kid stuck in a 14yo kid's body, and he's been harassing multiple (mainly TADC) accounts on Tumblr for a bit now, and just being a nuisance and damaging people's mental health.

That's the simple explanation, if you're still not convinced you need to block this guy (and his [supposed] girlfriend) and report him until your hands hurt and/or would like to know more thennnnn

The full explanation + evidence is under the cut ✨

The Long Explanation

Okay so I'm gonna be quoting the Google Doc a LOT here, you'll be able to tell which parts are quoted and which parts are me.

"Randy or randysworld2009 is a Tumblr user that appeared around TADC blogs in the beginning of 2024. Since then, he has built a history of harassing said blogs, mostly roleplay/askblog accounts and artists, forcing roleplay and specially spouting misogyny towards women mods and fem leaning characters, transphobic and homophobic towards queer people. At one point he started getting his information messed up, saying that he was super straight and then later on a “half-bisexual”, also often times approaching people with romantic/sexual intent and then getting angry when those same people state that they are not interested or are above legal age, which he supposedly is not. It is believed that Randy is 14 years old, but at this point, we can’t be certain of what information is true or false. For all we know, his blog could be just a troll."

So yeah, this guy is bad news. That was a direct (formal) quote from one of the victims.

If formal isn't your style, here's a more casual one

"Randy first appeared around the beginning of 2024. He began harassing tadc ask blogs then that led to harassing their mods. Eventually others got involved and Randy basically snapped. He got EVEN MORE batshit and started spouting misogyny, transphobia, and dilution. He's chronically online and believes everything is a roleplay. He's obsessed with getting a girlfriend and has sexually harassed many. he is the horniest bastard you could fucking meet omg"

Another direct quote from another victim, this one he treated the WORST.

(Some) Screenshots

There are more screenshots in the Google Doc and the Google Photos Album I made, but these will be a few tidbits of evidence that will hopefully convince you by now if you're not already. (With some additional commentary/explanation from yours truly underneath each screenie✨) Additionally, all the images will have links to their sources. (Please let me know if they don't work, I'll update this with usable links if that's the case)

Exhibit A - The Bastard Himself

(Mb for light mode jumpscare here, even more reason for your eyes to bleed when looking at this immature fuck's profile)

Just his profile (as of the time this post was posted) so you know exactly who to block and report as many times as possible Exhibit B - His Interactions With Me

This is some evidence of him interacting with me, there's more in the Google Photos Album I made of proof he interacted with me

(Mb for light mode jumpscare again, it's the only way I could show the post and the comments in the same screenie)

His comments on my pinned post, if you saw this or this you know I demanded that he delete his comments on here (while flaming the fuck out of him), so here's a screenie of what they were before he (hopefully) deletes them

The first ask he sent me, my response being the awesome giant rant where I DEMOLISHED him (I'm way too proud of it if you couldn't tell)

All his interactions with me from when he initially found me

The rest of his interactions he's ever had with me

Like the first ask he sent, I answered with the same thing, ANNIHILATING this fucker (still way too proud of it)

Exhibit C - Direct Victim Testimonies (to yours truly) These are asks that I sent to the main 3 victims I had gathered evidence from before gaining access to the Google Doc, they're my main sources so far (send all the love and support to them please [especially Sunny's system they've all been hurt the most from what I can see], they're very sweet outside of all this and more than deserve it)

Dia answered first, their answer helped me gain access to the Google Doc and get a HUGE chunk of the evidence I'll be showing here

Second half of Dia's answer, a summary of the wholeeee situation straight from a direct victim

Sunny was the second to answer my ask, this is what I mean when I say clearly Sunny needs the most love and support out of all the victims (as far as ik) cus like how can you not man- also this is how I found out they contacted Randy's father and school, very big piece of lore (and you'll see why they have soon don't worry)

Lilith was the last to respond to my ask, this being how I found out that it was them specifically that contacted Randy's dad & school (which I commend them for, it was a very good move so bravo to them man genuinely)

Exhibit D - Evidence

And now the moment you've all been waiting for, if this doesn't convince you then shit idk what will-

This post was my first exposure to what Randy is ACTUALLY like and wowee what a doozy man, it started me down the rabbit hole that lead me to making this post rn (make sure you look at the notes [both comments and the reblogs] too those also have even more info aside from everybody FLAMING the fuck out of this kid lolol) Also GO OFF ON HIM GLITCH GET HIS ASS WOOOOO

(Sorry for the light mode jumpscare yet again, evidence is evidence)

1. Misgendering. What the fuck. (Dia's pronouns are they/them) 2. EW. Need I say more??? 3. This post is how I found my main 3 sources up until Dia answered my ask 4. You'll start to see that this post and the following posts show that he's SPECIFICALLY targeting fem-adjacent blogs (including blogs that are run by enbies that he assumes identify as femme and promptly misgenders) and generally being a misogynistic and transphobic BITCH

This post is an example of Randy A) Accusing a fellow minor of pedophilia (very carelessly and incorrectly might I add) B) Not even getting their age right? Hello??? C) This kid clearly does NOT know what the difference between slang and genuine predatory behavior is which shows how fucking SHELTERED this kid must be oh my GOD D) Another example of him misgendering and being misogynistic/transphobic

This post is more proof of him being misogynistic and sexually harassing people, and might I add a HORNY ASS PERVERT Rabid is actually someone I followed way before all this dude, I'm guessing that's how Randy found me unfortunately

After this screenie Dia answered my ask, so all the screenies beyond this point are straight from the Google Doc (some had links to their original posts, some didn't for the sake of anonymity which is completely understandable)

This post backs up what I said regarding the other screenie where Randy assumed Lilith was like 20, istg this kid does NOT know what fact checking is holy fuck This was a certified screenie I got from the Google Doc might I add

This post, another one provided by the Google Doc, is an example of him A) Harassing TADC ask blogs (and it leading to harassing the mods) B) Sexually harassing people and being misogynistic in general He just doesn't know when to quit huh

(Sorry again for the light mode jumpscare this is the last one I promise)

This one didn't have a post linked to it so I only found it cus of the Google Doc (so yay ig you don't have to click the links to the OG posts for more info anymore beyond this point), the mod spitting FACTS

Once again lovingly provided by the Google Doc, wowee this kid sure loves slurs

Conclusion

I know this might not get to many people, but I'm hoping it at least has some sort of positive impact, because I want to try my best to warn as many people as possible and keep him from having any more influence than he already has.

To the victims involved in this: PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE PLS PLS PLS LMK IF I NEED TO CHANGE ANYTHING I TRIED MY ABSOLUTE BEST TO BE AS ACCURATE AND RESPECTFUL TO YOU GUYS AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE I'D REALLY APPRECIATE FEEDBACK IF I GOT/DID SOMETHING WRONG

Thank you for reading my ramblies on this important news, have a cookie for getting this far and you're an LGBTQIA+ ally 🍪 (plus an additional scoop of ice cream if you're queer 🍦)

And Happy Pride Month, TRANS PRIDE BABYYY

Plus some Anti-Randy spray for the road (lovingly provided by Sunny and Lilith) ✨

(in case of any confusion, the colors kind of mean different things but not really, it's not that important- but red is for trigger warning stuffs/disclaimers and general important things, green is for section titles, blue is for links, and that's about it really-- and yes I did make a subtle RGB joke. Sue me, I wanna be at least a little funny to make light of all this grim dark stuffs. All those super super serious call-out posts can be kind of depressing so I want to find the happy middle ground between serious and lighthearted, it gets the message across and it still feels important without being too much of a downer yanno? Anyway do tell me your thoughts in the comments after dropping a reblog, I would appreciate feedback on what you think of my writing style here :3) (Oh, and if you're wondering what purple means? It's a secret 🥰)

[azuremist]

Alterhumanity and Autism (Script)

During my panel at this year's Othercon, I said that I would publicly post my panel's script, and my survey's results onto my tumblr, for easy archival purposes! (There is no way to submit Google Docs to archive.org that I'm aware of...)

This is the panel's script! What I said before the QnA part of the panel. Once the panel recording is uploaded, I'll reblog with the link to it, as well! The results for the survey will also be posted to this account shortly.

Here is the blurb that I originally wrote for the panel, on the schedule:

"This panel aims to explore the relationship between autism and alterhumanity, by looking at the history, the modern autistic community and what real alterhumans have to say on the topic. Why it is that neurodivergency is seemingly so common in the alterhuman community? Is it correlation, causation, or perhaps something in between?"

And, below is the script itself!

Hi, everyone! I am so excited to be speaking at Othercon this year and I hope everyone else is enjoying the 'con so far. My name is Azure! You may also call me Bede, as I answer to both. I like he/him, she/her and bun/buns pronouns, and I am a multitude of things! I am a demon (a fallen angel if you wanna get technical), and my main fictotype is, you'll never guess who based off my names, Bede from Pokemon. Shoutout to any Pokemonkin listening. I've been active in the alterhuman community for around 5 years now, and was the head and sole mod of ‘From Fictionkind’, which is a zine released in 2022, aiming to explore the experiences of those who have a fiction-based identity. If you are interested, you can download it here. (Send link)

I am a grab bag of disorders and disabilities, most of which I won't list, but what is relevant to this panel is that I am, in fact, autistic. Not only that, but I have done, by all metrics, way too much research into autism, and I am an autistic activist!

To preface: although this panel is going to specifically namedrop and talk about autism a lot, I am sure that a lot of different beings can relate to what I am going to talk about today. Not just other neurodivergencies and disabilities, either. Much of what I am going to be talking about today could resonate with any oppressed being's experiences. I welcome all discussion about the similarities of different experiences with open arms!

But, for the sake of transparency, I am not very good at talking off the cuff. So I am going to spend the bulk of this panel reading from a pre-prepared script. If anyone is interested in a transcript, it is available on Google Docs for viewing! I will send it in the panel chat right now, so that anyone who needs to may read along, for word-processing purposes. (Send link) This also means that I am not going to be looking at the chat a whole lot, so if there's something you'd particularly like for me to see, I encourage you to hold it until the end so that I can be sure to see it and give it the thought and recognition that it deserves. All this being said, I still will be looking at the chat occasionally.

To prepare for this panel, I took a survey polling autistic alterhumans, which was taking responses from March 7th to July 1st, so around 4 months. I was hoping for about maybe 90 participants, but that number was blown out of the water with over 500 responses!! I will be going over those results later on in the panel, and will also be referencing the anonymous freeform responses.

The very last point of my preamble here is to warn that this panel may not be suitable for all audiences. This lecture contains extended discussion of ableism, and, while I try to keep the mentions brief, there will be specific talk of disabled folks, including children, being hurt. If you're unable to handle that at this time, that is absolutely fine. Take care of yourself and have a great con!

This panel aims to explore the relationship between autism and alterhumanity, by looking at the history, the modern autistic community and what real alterhumans have to say on the topic. I hope to, perhaps not explain, but look into why it is that neurodivergency is seemingly so common in the alterhuman community, and whether it's because of correlation, causation, or perhaps something in between.

Now, let's start off with a question and feel free to try and guess: What do fairies, aliens, and crystals all have in common? Do we have any guesses?

The correct answer is that all 3 of these things have been used to try and claim autistic children are nonhuman!

Let's get into the specifics, starting from the top with fairies.

The changeling is a form of fairy found in European folklore. Also referred to as an "oaf" historically, a changeling is a fairy that is left in the place of an identical human child, when they are stolen away by other fairies. This is to say, parents believed that their human child was being replaced by an identical fairy child. There were multiple tricks that were thought to fend this off. When you believe you already have a changeling, though... There were less ways to go about that. Historical records and tales about changelings unfortunately imply that the solution chosen for a changeling child was often times infanticide.

Many modern psychologists now believe that most tales of changelings developed in an attempt to explain disabled children. This includes, but is not limited to, deformities, Down syndrome, Williams syndrome, cerebral palsy, and, of course, autism. The fact that boys are more often born with birth defects lines up with the touted belief that boys were more likely to be taken by fairies.

Furthermore, see "regressive autism". This so-called phenomena occurs when a child appears to develop, quote-unquote, "normally", until they start showing symptoms of autism in their later years. Now, what actually happens in these cases is that they never noticed their child's autistic traits until those later years. But the fact that there is still a name for this sudden perceived shift in an autistic child shows the sheer amount of cases there are like this, even today. Now, imagine how bad it was hundreds of years ago, before we even had a word for autism. This "sudden shift" perspective very much parallels the supposed markings of your child being replaced by a changeling.

Second verse, same as the first: aliens. Although the term "starseed" has been picked up in the alterhuman community as a way to describe one's self as an alien, "starseeds", or "star children", didn't originate in the alterhuman community. Their existence is a theory put forth by Brad Seiger in his 1976 book, titled "Gods of Aquarius". It posits that some humans originated as extraterrestrials, and arrived on Earth through either birth or by taking over an existent human body.

Generally agreed-upon signs that you or someone you love is a starseed, according to believers, include that person feeling like they don't belong, being hyperempathetic (which is a sign of autism, despite what the stereotypes would have you believe), introversion, and... Actually, I'm going to quote this in its entirety. In "What Is A Starseed & 50 Clear Signs You Are One", published by The Spirit Nomad, the first listed sign is, quote, "You are highly sensitive. You easily feel overwhelmed and drained when you are in a place with many people and with intense stimuli – like shopping malls, clubs, and networking events. You might also be sensitive to stimulants like coffee, alcohol and even dark chocolate." Endquote.

You think I'm joking about these things just listing autism symptoms. I'm not!

Finally... Crystals. Crystal children and indigo children are both believed to be sort of the next step in scientific evolution, according to New Age circles. More specifically, crystal children are the newest generation, while indigo children were the first wave, from around the 70s to the 90s. I'll just be calling both of these 'waves' crystal children for the sake of simplicity, but know that they are just two waves of the same thing. Crystal children are believed to possess special or supernatural abilities, such as telepathy. Autistic children having telepathy, as we all know, is the plot of Mob Psycho 100.

Signs that your child is a crystal child include high empathy, being perceived as 'strange' by others or intelligent for their age (see the autistic gifted kid phenomenon), and being sensitive to the point of fussing in crowded spaces. It's also said that crystal children may struggle in socially conventional schools, because of their dislike of rigid authority, being smarter than their teachers, and their lack of response to guilt, fear, or manipulation-based discipline. (Read: indirect communication.)

It is actually a noted phenomenon that many parents, when confronted with a diagnosis like a learning disability, ADHD, or autism, will alternatively label their child as a crystal child. Autism researcher Mitzi Waltz noted this phenomenon, and spoke about it in a 2009 issue of The Journal of Religion, Disability & Health. He suggests that parents recategorize autistic symptoms as telepathic powers to attempt to reconceptualize these autistic traits as a part of a more conventionally positive identity. He also puts into words why this can be harmful, stating that parents could refuse to acknowledge their child's impairments, refuse accommodations, and, quote, "transmit belief systems to the child that are self-aggrandizing, confusing, or potentially frightening." Endquote.

Believe it or not, there are actually MORE examples of myths or conspiracy theories that attempt to explain autistic children as nonhuman. But, I will leave it at those three.

Let's take a brief look into modern media now. Specifically, the "autistic-coded robot" trope. A lot of times, when humans try to write robots, or AI or such, they think that they can just take all essential things that make humanity what it is, and take away a few things. Make them not express empathy, they don't get nonliteral phrases, they obviously speak in monotone. We could sprinkle in a little bit of feeling out of place with humanity for flavor aaaand it's autistic. Your robot is autistic. To name some examples of this trope, think Data from Star Trek, or Zane from Ninjago.

This trope is more or less echoed, beat for beat, with the autistic-coded alien trope. Examples of this flavor of the trope include Peridot from Steven Universe, Spock from Star Trek, or, and I'm sorry for anyone who I'm about to violently throw back into 2016 with this, Keith from Voltron.

Because nonhumanity is so often linked to autistic beings by the culture around us, desiring to be nonhuman or connecting with nonhumanity is now a recognized part of autistic culture. We often feel out of place in neurotypical society. Join autistic spaces, and you’ll see jokes like, “What kind of nonhuman did you think you were as a kid?” (In case you’re wondering, the answer is werewolf for me.) Growing up thinking that the reason behind your autistic traits is because you are secretly nonhuman is a common experience. Jokes about desiring a tail and to purr often go viral within autistic spaces, because they are forms of natural and nonverbal communication that shows those around us that we are happy. The topic of nonhumanity within autistic culture is also talked about within professional settings, such as in Kim Duff’s speech, “The Role of Changeling Lore in Autistic Culture”, at the 1999 Autreat conference of Autism Network International.

There is also discussion of how autistic beings oftentimes connect with animals better than with humans. For example, Temple Grandin is an autistic animal behavioralist who has written extensively on how her being autistic helps her understand how animals feel. For example, she speaks in 2004’s, “Animals in Translation: Using the Mysteries of Autism to Decode Animal Behavior”, and in 1997’s “Thinking the Way Animals Do: Unique Insights from a Person with a Singular Understanding”.

In more modern times, we have the 2022 article, “How Autism Connects Me With Animals”, in which Emily Moran Barwick, writes, quote, “I knew how profoundly frustrating, isolating and demoralizing it was to be unable to convey what I wanted to convey. I knew how it felt to never be truly understood. And it broke my heart thinking of what non-human animals were experiencing at the hands of humans; that no matter how desperately and clearly they communicated their terror and pain, they were ignored and discounted.” Endquote.

All of these connections have led to the creation of subcultures created in an attempt to reclaim the dehumanization put onto us. To name one example, voidpunk is a subculture created by tumblr user arotaro in the 2010s, and more or less hinges on this idea. Key points of this subculture include the rejection of the norm, embracing nonhumanity, and comfort in the unknown. In the words of it’s creator, quote, “It’s not the same as otherkin because it’s not really like, “Ah yes, I am a cat/dragon/wolf/that one guy from Homestuck/etc.”, it’s not necessarily something specific, and it’s not necessarily literally believing you’re something other than human. It’s, well, punk. Society puts out a lot of messages about What It Means To Be Human (trademark) that can make a lot of people who don’t completely fit the bill feel lost, broken, alone, or like they’re doing something wrong; Voidpunk is about taking that message of “you’re not human”, making it your own, and throwing it back in society’s face. You say I’m not human? Sure, ok. That’s chill. Why does being Human (trademark) have to be a goal to aspire to anyway? What’s so great about humanity?” Endquote. She then goes on to specifically namedrop neurodivergents as one of the target audiences for the subculture, as well. She also later answers an ask to clarify, quote, “Someone who doesn’t face dehumanization cannot be voidpunk.” Endquote.

So, where does all of this information intersect with the notable number of autistic alterhumans? Well, that’s just the question, isn’t it? Is it possible that alterhuman identity may correlate with those who have identities and neurotypes which are demonized by society? After all, queer beings are common within alterhuman spaces, too. And, if there is a correlation, is there causation there, as well? There are already some terms coined to describe when alterhuman identity is caused or influenced by autistic traits; such as ‘otherspin’, a term for when one’s alterhuman identity is caused / influenced by special interests. Furthermore, ‘altervexo’ attempts to describe identifying as alterhuman out of spite for the dehumanization one has faced. However, to my knowledge, no term has been made or extensive talks had about, voluntary or nonvoluntary, alterhuman identity, as possibly having origins within dehumanization.

So, I set out to have that conversation. As stated at the start of this panel, I ran a survey, mostly promoted on tumblr, from March 7th to July 1st, posing questions to the autistic alterhuman community about their personal experiences, which got over 500 responses! 537, to be exact. I’d like to share the results of this survey with you now. The raw data collected is available here. (Send link) I will also be posting both the raw data, and the script for this panel, to my tumblr, @azuremist, but that’s mostly for easy archival purposes. Now, it’s NUMBERS TIME, baby!

I asked everyone to indicate if they agreed or disagreed with the statements I made. For the statement, “I believe that my autism has influenced my alterhumanity in some way, shape, or form,” 92% of those who took my survey agreed, and 8% disagreed, which is a WILD split. Far beyond notable.

For the statement, “I feel like the way that autistic beings are seen by society has influenced my alterhumanity”, the split is a bit more even, with 72.4% agreeing, and 27.6% disagreeing.

This means that, of those who I polled who agreed that autism influenced their alterhumanity, 78.6% (rounding down) also agreed that the way autistic beings are viewed in society influenced their alterhumanity. This is a rate a bit over 3 in every 4.

This next question is one of the things that I asked more out of personal curiosity, which is, whether or not they feel more safe to be openly autistic in alterhuman spaces, when compared to other community spaces. Of those polled, 89.4% agreed, and 10.6% disagreed, which makes me quite happy! One anonymous being commented, quote, “I generally find that most alterhuman spaces are a lot more accepting of autistic beings than wider society if that makes sense? Going into an alterhuman space, I'm never concerned that it may not be safe or accessible for me.” Endquote. Someone else wrote in that they could testify to the opposite being true, as well; autistic spaces, in their experience, had a higher likelihood of being accepting of alterhuman identities. However, one being who answered ‘no’ to this question stated that they avoid alterhuman spaces for things related to this subject. They list as an example, quote, “Like the refusal of tone tags? I understand not wanting them to be used for you but banning them from the space all together? And also a lot of spaces, despite being accepting of autistic beings, still find a way to hate those beings for being autistic.” Making community spaces safe for autistic beings is an ongoing learning process for everyone involved. So please make sure to consult your local autistic advocate to make sure everything is accessible for those of all neurotypes.

For the next questions, I asked about everyone’s specific experience with alterhumanity. Another question that I asked, mostly out of curiosity, is, “Would you consider alterhumanity, as a subject, a special interest?” 64.8% of respondents answered ‘no’, and 35.2% answered ‘yes’.

The next question, though, is really quite interesting to me. It asks, “If you have any kintypes which originate from a piece of media: Would you consider that kintype's source material a special interest?” 69% of respondents (nice) answered ‘yes’, and 31% answered ‘no’. That’s a pretty close percentage to the question about alterhumanity as a special interest, but with the answers flipped. Indeed, many times in the section where I invite others to talk about their experience, there are respondents specifically namedropping that they believe their special interests contribute to their alterhumanity. Some, but not all, of these instances include a space conceptkin who has space as a special interest, two catkin, with one having Warrior Cats as a past special interest, and the other, cats in general as one, and someone who specifically wrote, quote, “I also feel as though my special interests in some medias have influenced the fact that I identify with both real and fictional species. For example, I have a large number of original characters who are demons and I feel like my special interest in them may have led me down the path of discovering myself as demonkin.” When discussing the subject of autism influencing alterhumanity, special interests were easily the thing that came up the most, other than how autistic beings are seen by neurotypical society.

The final multiple choice question I had asked, “If you have a nonhuman kintype of any kind: Do you experience species dysphoria and/or euphoria?” To this, 85.9% answered ‘yes’, and 14.1% answered ‘no’.

We can compare this to a survey not aimed at autistic alterhumans; specifically, the ‘Alterhumanity and Gender Survey’, as conducted by Eli, at pantomorph on tumblr. These results were posted on July 22nd of 2019, and reported that, in response to the question, “Do you experience species dysphoria?”, 4.9% answered ‘I used to,’ 8.9% answered ‘unsure’, 22.7% answered ‘no’, 36% answered ‘sometimes’ and 27.6% answered ‘yes’. Adding up the percentages of ‘I used to’, ‘sometimes’ and ‘yes’, we get 68.5% of respondents who are certain that they have, at some point, experienced species dysphoria.

This means that, according to these surveys, autistic alterhumans appear to have a higher chance of experiencing species dysphoria, with a 17.5% difference. Though, keep in mind, I included euphoria in my question, and Eli did not. This would certainly require more data to confirm, however, this at least would warrant further polling, in my opinion.

All of this talk about autistic beings and species dysphoria may have you thinking about the fact that autistic beings are statistically more likely to identify as transgender, with some estimates stating that transgender individuals are up to 6 times more likely to be autistic than cisgender individuals! This is because gender is stupid, and autistic folks are not. Multiple respondents to the survey brought this point up. One being specifically wrote in, quote, “Statistically, autistic folks are more likely to know they're trans than allistics, and I support the theory that that's got something to do with autistic beings seeing things without the lens of social cues and societal pressures, including more awareness of who we are and how we see ourselves. … Society is like, "You should be like this," and autistics are like, "But why? It doesn't really make sense, plus I don't fit in to those standards anyway, so why not choose my own path in life?"” Endquote. I definitely agree that the reason so many autistic folks identify as transgender may be similar to, or the same, reason that autistic folks seem to be more likely to be alterhuman.

Hello to all trans autistic alterhumans listening! Call that a triple threat.

Now, the final question that I asked. I listed multiple different alterhuman identities, and asked everyone to indicate which, if any, of the provided labels that they identify with. And, indeed, my hypothesis when going into this question was proven correct. Of the terms that I provided, it was “nonhuman” that most autistic alterhumans identified with specifically, with 74.9% of respondents identifying as nonhuman. Other popular answers to this question included ‘therian’, with 57.5%, and fictionkin with a nonhuman fictional character. Indeed, I did put two separate options for fictionkin, where they could indicate if their fictional kintype was human or not. 45.1% of respondents had a nonhuman fictotype, and 41.2% of respondents had a human fictotype. So, autistic fictionkin appear to have around a 9% (rounding down) higher likelihood to identify with nonhuman fictional characters. Unfortunately, I could not find another survey to compare this statistic against, but it is a statistic we have now, nonetheless.

Furthermore, I specifically listed 3 common kintypes that have been associated with autistic beings, as previously discussed: fairies, aliens, and robots / technology. Of these, techkin was easily the most popular, with 19.9% of respondents identifying as such. Alienkin and fairykin were close in numbers, with 11.2% identifying as alienkin, and 11.9% identifying as fairykin. On the subject of being robotkin, one being wrote, quote, “I do not on a literal, physical level believe I’m a robot, however, tropes related to robots and the way they behave and are treated feel analogous to my own lived experiences, so in some ways it feels as though I experience my life as a robot would.” Endquote.

Which segways nicely into the final question, which is the filled in responses. For this question, I prompted, “If you have anything you'd like to add, please tell me about your experiences involving your alterhumanity and autism.”

Many took the chance to speak on if they felt like their autism and alterhumanity were connected. As previously mentioned, lots of folks mentioned special interests as a factor. Lots of folks also said that they felt the two were connected, but couldn’t explain how, with a common sentiment being that it is a ‘chicken or the egg’ situation. Two different beings whose kintypes are their past lives wrote in, and both said that a hypothetical allistic version of them wouldn’t be able to get memories as easily. Multiple beings also wrote that they felt like the awakening process was made easier due to their autism. They were so used to seeing themselves as different from everybody else, and not understanding social cues, that they were more willing to take on, quote-unquote, “weird” solutions as the source of their feelings. Other commonly-mentioned points include dehumanization as a reason for alterhumanity, autistic traits being seen as similar to animalistic traits, and the possibly-related high rate of autistic pagans and witches.

Something that I didn’t expect going in, but perhaps should have, is the amount of autistic alterbeings who wrote about their struggle to find words to describe themselves. One ghostkin wrote they felt like their nonconformity to their kintype’s typical associated traits (like darkness, doom and gloom, et cetera) was due to their autism, but that they felt they didn’t belong with other ghostkin because of it. And a LOT of folks wrote in saying that they had a lot of trouble figuring out what terminology to use, especially regarding the ever-dreaded ‘identify with’ or ‘identify as’ question. One being wrote in that they see themself as psychological otherkin, but would be more accurately described as having a neurotype-based, or neurology-based, origin, due to their autism. However, this has caused some issues, as it is not seen as a, quote-unquote, ‘valid’ origin. Someone else describes having issues with this because the community does a lot of gatekeeping, and because it is easier to find beings complaining about words being misused than the actual use of words.

Now, there are some responses that I would like to read in full, or mostly in full, for your listening pleasure.

The first one is as follows. Quote. “When I was 6-ish, I started noticing that people treated me a bit like they treated our old Windows ‘98 Dell computer. The computer was inhuman when it worked (and praised for its distance from humanity! “Yes, it can play videos from the internet! Isn’t technology cool?”) and human when it broke down (“He’s getting overwhelmed, give us a sec.” “She’s blinking at me. I have no idea why this is such a difficult task.” “It ate my fucking CD. Stubborn POS.”). It’s a bit frustrating that my autistic traits are only praised when they make me convenient for others to use... I’m self-sufficient, I’m quiet, I’m a fast learner and a thorough researcher, so I rarely need to bother another person to complete the tasks I’m given. But because that’s all anyone ever seems to want me for... It’s a self-fulfilling cycle which is useful for the neurotypicals but exhausting for me, and when it ends in a burnout (inevitable) then I’m finally treated as human, but only because I’ve failed to be the computer they wanted. So I’m a computer when someone’s pleased with me, and I’m human when I’ve disappointed them. You can see why I might like the idea of being a PC more than a person. Also, when something’s wrong, computers’ error messages are both clearer and harder to ignore than a human’s requests for accommodation. This is a bit of a bummer, sorry. The upside is that I’m crazy good at data analysis now.” Endquote. This was excellently put, and I’m sure something that may resonate with autistic techkin.

Another write-in reads, quote, “One does not have to be autistic to be alterhuman or nonhuman, but one does have to be autistic to be my species. My species does not have human neurology, or allistic neurology. To be my species one must be autistic… though it’s more that my species has neurology which allistics will refer to as autism. I could not be my species if I wasn’t autistic.” Endquote. This is a very interesting response, and, to be honest, I sort of wish I knew what this being’s species was so that I could look more into it. It’s almost like a sort of alternate view of autistic nonhumans or autistic aliens, which is just lovely.

Then, there is this submission. Quote, “Diagnosed with autism at 15, explained a lot, I can't help but wonder - if I'd known, would I still dehumanize myself in the way I do? Other kids called me "cat boy" because when they would pick on me, I'd hiss at them. I don't know why. I think I just saw my cats do it and it was the only way I knew how to retaliate. But it just made them laugh. ... I stopped seeing myself as human a long time ago, more of an animal for people's amusement. ... But when I found out about otherkin, it was like suddenly this experience of mine I was certain I was alone in was shared. For some people it's spiritual, but even in our differences, our feelings were the same. The community  taught me to love this nonhuman side of me, and they were understanding of my diagnosis. I didn't feel like an outcast there, they made me feel like it was something to cherish, and I do.” Endquote. Again, absolutely very well-said. Reclaiming and celebrating nonhumanity is, from what I’ve gathered, a large part of the autistic alterhuman experience, and this response phrased it just wonderfully.

Lastly, in regards to responses: shoutout to the one guy who said, “I just finished making my first ever tail, isn’t that sick?”, because yes, yes it is.

Thank you so much again to all the respondents to my survey!

And so, we have now reached the discussion section, which will last until my time runs out. This is where I will cease looking at a script, so please send anything you’d particularly like me to see now! Also, feel free to ask me questions, and I will answer to the best of my ability. Alternatively, tell me about your experiences, or just give general comments!

[onestepbackwards]

🎲 Anon here once again! When you said Volo is doing the family guy death pose. I can help but imagine Arceus just being aware, purposely making Volo do that pose for the joke.

I’d like to imagine the Meming streamer, being only a small streamer who enters a few contests here and there, and who loves battling however they suck at it.

They aren’t good with strategy, but they are good with one thing, bullshitting their way to victory.

Their lack of smarts is made up by a hella charismatic personality who can read and know the audience better than anyone else.

If they can’t win the battle they’ll win the audience. (Which will be a challenge when they get to Hisui, but they’ll pull it off occasionally)

They have a habit of using memes as a way to cope with stress. Even people who don’t get it can at least sense the good vibes.

Their heart is genuinely good too no matter how cowardly they can be at times.

It’s some of the best set up action comedy people have seen, and deep down the streamer is enjoying the chaos as well.

Unlike the Aura streamer who would change the world with love and strategy, the memeing streamer accidentally makes the world better just by being a loving gremlin, using memes and other strange ways to spread positivity and trust between Pokémon.

There is light to make out from and a dark situation at hand!

Even Arceus himself can’t be serious all the time, so to be a bit of a memer himself. He sent the streamer to be 100% themselves to save the Hisui region + catch all Pokémon.

They and their Pokémon slowly get better overtime with the stream and Ingo helping them with strategy.

However, what really mattered was the love shared, and it was clearly there.

When the streamer finally meets Arceus, music plays and it’s the heavy and intense drums, with a supporting ancient backup remix. The final battle is split between an actual battle and a dancing battle.

After the stream, people start to notice how the similar the music is…

It sounds really similar to Persona 4’s Specialist…and Arceus’s own 4 legged dance syncs perfectly to the song.

[It’s heavily debated by scientists, priests, and public whether he was actually using this]

So i had a whole thing written in response to this, and my phone thought it would be hilarious to give me a tumblr notification when im in the tumblr app and send me to the notification and delete the response 🙃 im still pissed about it

But i love the idea of a meme streamer!! You win everyone’s hearts one way or another! Even if you are a little silly doing so!

Just imagine you are out late at night looking for pokemon, and you are exhausted. You have one of your pokemon partners out with you to help keep you company.

Your Arcphone is streaming, and you turn it to face you as you try not to stumble down a hill.

“Me and the boys at 3 am looking for beans-“

Half your chat loses it. The other half begs you to go to a camp and sleep. You do not.

[austinmaris18]

Personal Thoughts on Yona (No Bashing)

I'm gonna be honest, I hate shipping discourse because at the end of the day, characters aren't real and muting tags, posts, accounts are a thing. I also don't want to clog the Sidlink tag with discourse bc it's bad enough on twitter. However, if there's one thing I've learned about myself, it's that when something's bothering me, I need to talk about it, if only to process it. So, apologies but here I go. I will say that I feel like this is a nuanced take, so I guess if you're interested in that feel free to read. Disclaimer before I go in: there will be absolutely no Yona bashing. This post isn't to bash or attack Yona, anyone who enjoys Yona individually or paired with Sidon. I don't necessarily dislike her as a character, I'm more annoyed at the writing surrounding her introduction.

I've been thinking a lot, and I think the reason that Yona's introduction bothers me so much is because it mirrors (more than likely unintentionally) a pretty annoying heteronormative trope. In Jeffrey Brown's book Love, Sex, Gender, and Superheroes (an amazing analytical book in general, would highly recommend) they note that following the publication of Seduction of the Innocent in 1954 - which claimed amongst other things that Batman and Robin were a couple - there was a sort of moral panic about comic books. This was also during the era of McCarthyism, and so to avoid Senate action, the comic industry created the Comics Code Authority, which partly ensured that "illicit relationships" weren't hinted at, and in 1956 Kate Kane as Batwoman was introduced to be a love interest for Batman to reinforce his heterosexuality.

Now, am I comparing Sidlink to the supposed queer subtext of Batman and Robin in 40s and 50s comics? No. Am I saying that Nintendo purposefully introduced Yona for the same purpose as DC did Batwoman? Not necessarily. I just think it's almost comical how similar the situation feels, and the writing doesn't help either. Now, Yona is apparently Sidon's "dear childhood friend" and is also from a different kingdom. That in and of itself feels so awkward because again, we've had Breath of the Wild and Age of Calamity AND their respective DLCs, and not once have gotten mention of Yona or her kingdom. Not in a throwaway line from an NPC, not in the murals of Zora's Domain, not in Mipha's diary. (Also, I know that technically, Age of Calamity isn't canon. But it still had input from the Zelda team, and it provides a supposedly canon view of the settlements in Hyrule before the Calamity.) Especially considering the fact that we get confirmation from Sidon's mural and King Dorephan's dialogue that the engagement to Yona is political/arranged, this engagement was not really foreshadowed in any meaningful way other than this sort of heteronormative notion of "He's a prince so he'll have to get married at some point." Like, Sidon had a whole fanclub in BotW, and not one of them knew?? Did the engagement happen in the six/seven years between BotW and ToTK? Again, for a race of long lived beings like the Zora, that feels a bit hard to believe.

This in particular is what makes her introduction so jarring. We've seen all the countless Twitch and YouTube streamers reacting, the TikToks, the tweets and Tumblr posts of people shocked and disappointed. Here's where I point back to the fact that Aonuma and Fujibayashi even addressed the fact that Sidon was so popular during the BotW DLC Dev Talk. That's not to say they were aware of the ship or even cared enough to have taken the action of mitigating any potential queer readings. Other than reactions to the gameplay and the overall story, I don't think Nintendo particularly cares what we do, think, or ship. But they did know that Sidon in particular was a standout popular character, and so it seems so strange to not pair him off in a more well written way.

That's before even mentioning the whole Zora mural where Sidon parallels his relationship with Yona to that of Mipha, literally calling her a sister. There's also no getting around the fact that he uses that phrasing as in Spanish, French, and the original Japanese (those are the languages I read, so that's what I'm referencing) so it's not an English localization quirk. And I know there's the line about his feelings become more "difficult to quantify" but again, why? Why not just say he admired her instead of comparing her to Mipha in that way if they want to show us there was something there even in their childhood? I know it's meant to be sweet and to depict a sort of growth of feelings between them, but it reads strangely.

So we have these aspects and then we compare this to Sidon's interactions with Link this game. (Also before that, I want to acknowledge something: the vast majority of us who ship Sidlink or just enjoyed Sidon's character were never under the illusion that Nintendo would go towards any canonical romance between Sidon and Link.) We arrive to Zora's Domain to find a statue of us riding Sidon from the Vah Ruta battle. There is a whole Hylian bedroom constructed near the area where Sidon and Link fought Vah Ruta (more built out than the bed area Mipha used). The whole "Link Shrine" Sidon has singing his praises. Sidon literally getting down on one knee, taking OUR HAND in both his hands before presenting us the ring (I know that the other champions say the same oath and give us rings, it's the imagery of a proposal that I'm referring to). Link standing equally distant to Sidon as Yona during Sidon's crowning. Yona telling us that when Sidon speaks it's more than likely to talk about Link. Already Yona's introduction so funnily parallels heteronormative tropes, but to actually have so much imagery and subtext for Sidon and Link makes it feel even more crazy? I think this is where people get so hung up on the idea that "Yona was just introduced to get in the way of Sidlink." Honestly, I think the interactions with Link are more probably concessions for fans (not necessarily shippers) because again, the devs know how popular Sidon is. But it compounds with the manner in which Yona is written into the game.

All that being said, I don't necessarily have a neat conclusion to draw from these thoughts, but going back to the Batwoman parallels, I do think it's a shame Yona won't have to chance to canonically develop further the way Batwoman did. After all, despite her original introduction, most people nowadays think Batwoman and think of Kate Kane, the redhead badass lesbian superhero. But that happened over the course of decades in a medium that iterates narratively on the same characters over and over. Even if we get a story DLC for ToTK that has more Yona content, I don't know that it would be enough to smooth over how awkward her introduction was, and it's hard to believe Nintendo would make another direct sequel or carry over Sidon and Yona to the next version of Zelda. But we can already see Yona's iterative growth through fandom!

Now listen. I know myself, and the truth is I'm never going to actively ship Sidon and Yona. But I'm sure there are amazing artists and writers out there who will flesh Yona and her relationship and history with Sidon out (whether that includes Link in a polycule or not). I'm glad that the game has made the interpretation of a lavender marriage between Sidon and Yona who have their respective paramours possible (with the politically arranged aspect of the marriage, Sidon's boisterous actions concerning Link, Yona's acknowledgement of Link's importance to Sidon). I'm looking forward to fics, standalone art and comics that take that route. I'm sure that there will continue to be art and fanfiction that don't acknowledge ToTK or Yona, and I will surely be consuming those as well. I really hope the homophobia and general discourse towards Sidlink subsides, because it's been surprisingly overwhelming on Twitter. I also hope that there aren't people actively attacking posts about Yona. After all, muting and blocking words, tags, and accounts are options across all social media platforms.

This post will definitely be a one off for me, and I don't ever see myself making another post like this again. I honestly might also delete this post in the future now that I've properly written out my thoughts. Anyways, time to get back to drawing practice and working on my fics.

[allthesunlightwecansee]

The (Un)seriousness of My Practice

I just got done watching a short podcast episode on being an unserious witch, and it helped me to articulate some thoughts and feelings that I’ve been having over the past year. About a year ago now, I had a kind of breakthrough where I figured out how to connect with witchcraft and paganism, instead of vaguely calling myself a “person who wishes they were more spiritual,” like I had for several years prior to that. Not to sound like a YA romance novel, but my spiritualism was a slow build up that then hit me all at once that year. As I’m sure a lot of people on Tumblr will relate to, it was a really exciting seven months or so of figuring myself out before life got really stressful and overwhelming, and my spirituality kind of fell to the wayside. However, even during that period of excitement, it wasn’t like I was performing spells every day or doing elaborate rituals and ceremonies like some witches do (though I’m well aware the vast majority do not). Instead, that year involved a lot of reading and learning and altar building, since I am a collector at heart. I think I finally settled into kind of a routine with my spirituality, which I have come to accept, even though it isn’t what I thought it would look like.

Something that I find a bit intimidating about the Internet in general is seeing people who look like they have everything put together. Some practicing witches online clearly do make their whole lives revolve around their practice, particularly those who have turned it into a career via social media or YouTube. That’s a perfectly acceptable way to practice obviously, but it does mean that online spaces tend to feel a little gatekept sometimes when it comes to unserious witchcraft. I would definitely label my practice as being unserious; I rarely create spells at this point, I am very colloquial with the deities that I work with and honor, some of my altars are built almost solely around my need to house certain books (though I am quite deliberate in what deities I create altars for), I enjoy collecting crystals over working spells, and a lot of my spirituality revolves around feeling and the visual, physical objects that I have acquired for my various altars. I can think of several witchcraft Youtubers that I like and whose content I enjoy that would say that I am not a witch because of how I practice, which doesn’t reflect how I actually feel about myself and my practice. For me, spirituality feels more fluid than that. The fact that I create some spells and hold sacred space for my deities still falls under the realm of witchcraft, even though that’s not what works for other people. I have found that having discrete alters for different deities and purposes, makes it easier for me to connect with my spirituality, because I find that adding to altars, lighting, candles, leaving long-term spells, and other forms of magic work better for me personally.

Because of that, while I am not a serious witch in that witchcraft and spirituality do not rule my life, the practice that I do have, however minimal, does fill a gap that was missing in my life. I have also realized that a minimal practice isn’t a bad thing; it’s why their entire podcasts devoted to small magical practices (my favorite is Demystifying Magic), in addition to YouTube channels and accounts that depict serious career witches. It also means that I still keep my other hobbies, and that witchcraft has not become my primary “hobby,” so to speak. I have collected action figures and dolls for over a decade now, which encompasses all of my teenage and adult life. While I know some witches abide by notions of lowering consumption and just generally having a quieter living space, my living space is completely decked out in my various collections, and that hasn’t changed since I pinned down an evolving form of my spirituality. I think some people would see me as incredibly unserious for doing that, but I don’t feel as though one part of myself has to eclipse the other, just because it is more metaphysical in nature. I also know that I have a lot more learning and growing to do in my practice as I figure out what I believe in and what I want to take with me, but I don’t anticipate the physicality of how I practice changing anytime soon. In other words, my unserious practice doesn’t have less value just because it is not elaborate, and I am more secure in that now than I was a few months ago.

[lucidicer]

I appreciate your passion for the liberation of Palestine. Remember that the main goal is to raise awareness, funding, and ultimately a FREE PALESTINE. However, you are a 21 year old white man, you don't get to tell people to avoid escapism. I am a Muslim woman who grew up in the States. I hardly post online about Palestine (because I am protesting 3x a week in person and working full time). YOU are doing the bare minimum by posting on Tumblr and calling it activism. REMEMBER THE CAUSE.

hi. i totally agree with you, i deleted the original post because of this very reason. when i wrote that it was fuelled by anger from things i was seeing on my dash from people like myself who are so incredibly removed from the situation as a whole and still finding ways to dance around the subject. i never expected the post to gain traction so it didn't cross my mind to preface anything i was saying or add in additional context which was definitely a dumb thing to do in hindsight. it's also why i've refrained from making any other posts right now about palestine, i don't want to say something purely from anger first thing in the morning and redirect the conversation.

as for the activism, i do do things outside of tumblr i just don't see the purpose of advertising that to people that isn't just about stroking your own ego. it comes off just weird yknow? i know i'm doing what i can and that's literally the only person who needs to know.

i appreciate you bringing this up to me and i hope you stay safe at the protests.

[star-going-supernova]

Star, sorry to keep attacking you with these fic/ficlet ideas but, you know how the bots taunt Gregory thoughout the game? What if he subconsiously answers them? You know, something along the lines of... Roxy: I bet you don't even have friends. Gregory: No, I really don't. Roxy: Wait, what? And... Roxy: You are nothing! Nobody will miss you! Gregory: That's right, I'm nothing. Everyone hates me and I won't be missed. Roxy: Hold up! I got the idea from Ao3 comment, believe it or not.

Here we go with the tumblr generated prompts, starting with number four! I modified some of the taunts for creative purposes. I also took this more in a comedic direction, aka, Gregory snaps back and I kinda poke fun at how dumbed-down the animatronics were in the game, lol. With a fluffy ending, naturally.

If You Can’t Take It, Don’t Dish It Out 

Gregory cracked open the photo booth curtain to keep an eye on the nearby elevator. He’d pressed the down button, but Roxy had joined him on the mezzanine before it arrived. He could just wait for her to wander off again. Or he could put his Fazerblaster to good use. 

Roxy prowled closer. “Give up, kid,” she snarled. The elevator dinged, and the doors began sliding open. “You’re just a loser, and no—” 

“Takes one to know one!” Gregory hollered as he leapt out of the photo booth and zapped Roxy in the eyes with his Fazerblaster. She howled and flinched back, giving him enough time to dash to the safety of the elevator. He stuck his tongue out at her as the doors closed. 

“I’m not a loser!” she screeched, muffled. There was a thump that suggested Roxy had stomped her foot.

He snickered and selected a floor. Seemed like he’d hit a nerve. 

• • •

Gregory skidded into the security office and slapped the button to close the door behind him without a moment to spare. Chica nearly slammed into it with a squawk. She scrambled at the metal for a moment before shuffling over to the window. Her creepy eyes glowed down at him.

“I’m here to help! Your family is looking for you!” Chica said, gratingly cheerful. For robots that could seem uncannily alive, sometimes they were dumber than a box of rocks. Did she think he’d forgotten how she was the one who just chased him in there? Besides…

Rolling his eyes, Gregory shot back, “That’s a pretty big change of heart, considering they’re the ones who abandoned me.” 

Chica’s head twitched. Her beak opened, then snapped shut. Shocked speechless, awesome. 

“Shoo,” Gregory said, trying to wave her away. “Go think up new stupid lines somewhere else.” 

She went, grumbling to herself. 

(To her credit, the next time they crossed paths, she tried, “I’m here to help! Freddy is looking for you!” Which—yeah. Not much better, but funny as hell. Her awareness that Freddy cared about him was at pretty ridiculous odds with how blind the animatronics were to how Freddy was helping him.

Especially since Gregory was literally climbing inside Freddy’s chest at the time. “Your friends are pretty dumb,” Gregory said as they watched Chica stop and wander off as soon as the hatch closed. 

“I—they are not…” Freddy sighed. “Yes. Yes, Gregory, they are.”) 

• • •

Gregory was feeling pretty good. He had less than two hours before he was free to go, and he’d just sent Roxy into her fourth tantrum of the night by responding to her taunt of “You are nothing!” with “I know you are but what am I?” Giving robots existential crises was turning out to be fun. 

In terms of bad one-liners, though, Monty was on a whole other level. 

“You can hide, but you can’t hide!” 

Gregory face-palmed. “And you can talk, but gosh, you really can’t talk. This is just embarrassing.” He continued along the catwalk at a leisurely pace. 

Beneath him, Monty was turning in rapid circles as he followed along across the mini-golf course, as though that was at all helpful in his quest to catch Gregory. 

“There are no thoughts in your head, are there? Just static and some crap programing.” 

He almost felt bad for the animatronics. Given that Freddy was fully capable of intelligent conversation, it seemed the rest of them had been seriously downgraded. At least, Gregory kinda hoped they weren’t usually like this. Freddy deserved to have friends who were more articulate than a pull-string talking toy. 

• • •

Way to go, superstar! Well done, Gregory! Great job, superstar! 

No matter how many times Freddy congratulated him or cheered him on or praised him for even the smallest victory—and he’d done it many times—Gregory couldn’t seem to respond. He always just ducked his head or turned away, biting back a pleased, nearly bashful smile. 

Sarcastic comments, mocking taunts, insults—they rolled off him like water off a duck’s back. And he had no trouble dishing them out in return. Same old, same old. 

It made him feel silly, then, that it was Freddy’s kindness that silenced him so thoroughly. All night, he was left stumbling over being complimented. 

But it also got easier to hear, bit by bit, the more Freddy said that sort of stuff, his beaming smile audible even if his face couldn’t quite show it. 

As the barricades began to rise, letting in the early morning sunlight, Freddy knelt down and gathered him into a hug and said with utmost sincerity, “I am proud of you, superstar.” 

Gregory, at long last, was finally able to find his voice. He pressed his forehead to his protector’s shoulder. “Thanks, Freddy,” he said quietly. “I couldn’t have done it without you.” 

[sophieinwonderland]

Here are the details of what went down with my own banning

I suspect a lot of new people in the community probably aren't aware of what happened with me last February, at least not the specifics, so with everything that's been happening lately, I thought it was worth revisiting.

On February 11th of 2022, I got the following anon telling me to delete my account:

Later that day, I end up shadowbanned.

By February 12th I was actually banned.

This transition has always concerned me, since it felt like there must have been more reports coming in even after my posts were no longer visible in the tags. During this period, multiple celebratory posts were made by anti-endos. Some in the endogenic tag.

Meanwhile, I appealed to Tumblr support.

February 13, I was sort of unbanned but the shadowban remained.

At the same time as I was reaching out to talk to support about my account not being completely unbanned yet, some people's days were immeasurably ruined, which they again felt the need to share in the endogenic tag.

And others still were discussing getting me banned again.

February 14th, it worked.

One user reblogged the above post with this tag:

Because yes, if you haven't picked up on it, the time I was banned with mass flagging WAS on Valentine's Day.

Know that the posts I'm sharing here are actually just a very small taste of what went down. Some of the accounts that participated in this don't even exist anymore.

This went on until early into the 15th.

At this same time, I messaged Tumblr support.

My account has been banned again right after you said you reviewed and restored it. I assume if a decision was already made to restore after review yesterday, with no warning of any rules that had been broken, I wasn't found in violation of any rules then. So why have I been banned again immediately after?

I was also still shadowbanned the entire time, meaning anyone who reported me during this period and wasn't a follower would have needed to seek my account out specifically for the purpose of reporting. I'm confident further review will show the same results as the first, but is there any way to ensure that this won't happen again? Or am I just going to be perpetually in this loop of being mass-reported by harassers, banned, appealing, cleared after a manual review, unbanned, being mass-reported, and then being banned again? My account has been banned again right after you said you reviewed and restored it. I assume if a decision was already made to restore after review yesterday, with no warning of any rules that had been broken, I wasn't found in violation of any rules then. So why have I been banned again immediately after?

And then I was back again, and posted the message Tumblr sent to me.

There! That was the whole ordeal.

Well, maybe not really the whole ordeal. There actually was more to it than that. But it's at least an abbreviated version of the ordeal based on what I've managed to recover.

[bcatdfox]

The Road to 'Road to Kingdom 2: Electric Boogaloo' [RTK2 #1]

The time has come, my friends. 'Road to Kingdom 2' is coming, set to start airing in September (as far as I know, there's no specific date yet). At this point in time, I'm planning on watching the entire series and, after running a poll on my twitter, I will be (attempting) both livetweeting my reactions to the episodes, as well as posting full recaps and thought posts here on tumblr.

Why, you may ask? Well, first of all, I'm an absolute survival show junkie. I don't necessarily watch all of them (because there are so very many of them) but I try to watch as many as I can. Secondly, I am actively part of the performing arts community, from musical theatre to concert band to choir to dance to drama - and I enjoy engaging with things in that area. And thirdly, I'm very opinionated and I enjoy hearing myself talk, lol. So instead of terrorising my various group chats, I'm just going to get all my thoughts out there into the void.

Anyway, with that out of the way, here's what we know so far. Taemin is going to be the MC (so fun), and the official lineup of participating groups is Oneus, Cravity, Tempest, Younite, The New Six, 8TURN, and The CrewOne. Mnet have already announced that, unlike the first season of RTK, this season is no longer for smaller/unknown groups with no music show wins and will not be a precursor to 'Kingdom' proper; the prize for the winning group does not include a spot on that show, apparently. This show is effectively going to be a whole different show from the original RTK, just using the same name, which... why bother? Just give it a new name, then, instead of piggybacking off one of your existing IPs, Mnet. Removing the ticket onto Kingdom element thoroughly defeats the purpose of the show, in my opinion, but hey, since when has Mnet ever cared about doing stuff logically. I could say something about 'Build Up' and how that was handled both during and after the show, but I digress.

Due to it not being the same show as the original season, there's not a lot that can currently be predicted about how it might run, what sort of challenges the groups will face, or how any of the rounds will be conducted. The only thought I currently have is that an uneven number of groups (to me) is implying potential eliminations, which I'm not thrilled about. I'm still traumatised by Golden Child's elimination on the original season, and I'm not likely to be getting over that any time soon.

Now, onto the actual groups. I'm actively a fan of two of the groups (Cravity and Oneus), a casual listener of one other (Tempest), and am only tangentially aware of the other four groups. So, leading up to the start of the show, I'll be making a few intro posts to the groups with my first impressions and thoughts on them as they stand, to see if the competition affects those impressions (I could come out of this with a new stanlist...). If anyone has any MV recommendations for 8TURN, TNX, ATBO/Justb (The CrewOne), or Younite, please feel free to drop them here or reply to me on twitter or whatever.

Pre-voting opened today (July 22) and will run until 12:00pm KST on July 26. As far as we know, the group that wins the most votes during this time will receive some sort of benefit when the show starts. The groups also seem to have started preparing for the first round (most likely will be some sort of introductory performance) if the posts I've seen on SNS are anything to go by. If you want to join in the voting, you just need to download the Mnet Plus app and create an account.

I think that's all I have to say, I'll be back over the next few days as I get to know the rest of the groups on the show. For now, happy voting, and I'll see you all in September for the airing of the first episode!

[reimenaashelyee]

how did you get your comics seen? it's one thing to make them and a whole other thing to get people to lay eyes on them and read them and I have no idea how to do the second part

I think you'll have to at least make friends with some of your peer group (artists who are at the same stage in their career as you) so you can both share your audiences and if nothing else, have each other as readers. If you're really new, it's kinda a fact that your work will be tiny for a few years: there's a lot of stuff online.

I am not a spring chicken anymore so all my current advice for promotion wouldn't apply as the majority of it required years of presence and establishment with the comics industry... now that my peer group has matured and become successful creators (I know that my peers are casually aware of what I put out, they may or may not read it or even comment). Additionally, my way of promoting is as avoidant of playing the algorithm and virality and tailoring to the most amount of possible audience. If you want the opposite of that, you can ask @secondlina - who has done a lot of experimentation with social media and gaming the internet attention economy.

I'm not all that interest in gaming anything: I only want to serve the audience I have and always had - thoughtful, chill readers who are ok with slow reading, in the sense they don't ask me for constant content since they get what my vibe is. They are here for my lush visuals, original material and approach to topics/characters. It's this audience, and the academics + people who tend to be older and are equivalent/less levels of "online" to me. I personally find that gaming for views on purpose steals time and energy away, since a lot of the tactics tend to ask you to behave or post or draw a certain way that might feel unnatural with no guarantee whether the effort is worth it. For example, making memes of your characters, doing funny reels with music. If you are cool with doing all that though, again, @secondlina is your expert. I can see why those tactics are popular: that's how Big Tech dictates you get access to their "discovery" algorithm.

For me, in the early days what got new eyes onto my narrative work was making one-off illustrations (not necessarily of the comic - just some original character concepts) that somehow got popular. This was during the peak eras of Twitter and Tumblr though. The other thing was mostly talking about my comics: I document so much of my process. People love this apparently. It's the only guaranteed way for myself that gets people hype and aware of the comic's existence - though this might partly be caused by the aforementioned audience I always had. It's very low effort cos I mostly post screenshots of WIPs or developmental sketches and include a comment.

But like, with webcomics, I always operated on the assumption that people don't read my work. I am just here vibing. If there are readers (and I know who you are because of comments made across social media / my websites over the years) I appreciate them, but I don't want to ask much of them either. I put out the work I like, and whoever comes across it and likes it can stay, maybe comment, maybe get the print edition.

Yeah, this is not such a satisfactory answer for marketing if you're not subscribed to my brand of being an online artist: which is slow-growth, sustained working. My established methods now are: talking about my work, documenting it, connecting with peer group + older generations of professionals (established critics, journalists, editors), running a newsletter, going on interviews/podcasts, submitting my art to whatever I think would help promote it - pitch to Shortbox Fair, apply to Knife Beetle or the Cartoonist Cooperative, join a Discord.

And advanced methods, like applying for artist residencies.

In the end I cannot emphasise enough to get to know your peers who are at the same level of career as you are. Find creators who started at the same time you did and read their work (your choice); talk to them directly if the style/vibe matches. This is long-term mutual commitment - you won't see the effects until years later when you each find success in the paths you chose. And just to give you an idea of who my original peer group is - choo, Ariel Ries, Kay O'Neill, Bree Paulsen, Toril/Eden Orlensky, Kaeti V, Kevin Jay Stanton, Victoria Grace Elliot, Britt Sabo - we were all obscure mutuals/friends at more or less the same time. Then we each found our own way. Over time the circle grew to include other peer groups - ones that started slightly earlier or later, and new contacts of the same level. And that's how one gets established. As this is happening you will get eyes to your work naturally.

[roobylavender]

genuinely curious bcs everyone and their mother is obsessed w barbie, why do u hate it lol ?? like criticism wise u mentioned the director before but anything else beyond that ? ( i haven’t watched it yet so i have no opinion)

the most pressing issue is that mattel is very clearly using it as a test to gauge whether it can create a cinematic universe consisting of its other sub properties so the entire movie is essentially nothing more than a greedy cash grab (which yes you could say most mainstream movies are cash grabs but i would liken this to the marvel movies wherein it's clear that intellectual property is used to maximally capitalize on a piece of media until it makes the most profit imaginable) and this is exacerbated by the fact that the movie pretends to criticize mattel and the purpose of barbie wrt consumerism but like. the movie is literally produced by mattel lmao. like no criticism within a movie being produced by the criticized entity is actually going to consist of genuine and good faith criticism. and obv most people's response to that has been well surely you couldn't expect anything more than liberal feminism from a barbie movie and it's like yeah i couldn't but that doesn't make it any less evil. a corporation pretending to appear self aware about its contribution to consumerism all the while funneling money into a project that only further encourages consumerism at a clearly exponential rate is evil. and maybe it's a harsh assessment on my part but i seriously am judging people who pay to see this movie bc of that!

when you get to the actual movie though my most severe criticism of it would be that it entrenches itself deeply in a bioessentialist gender binary. like idk if you've noticed all of the posts from people like wow girls are dressing up again and wearing pink and being encouraged to do girly things isn't that so amazing! it's like that infamous tumblr post that says liberal feminism discourse eventually circles back to what sounds like let men be masculine let women be feminine etc etc. the movie basically tries to create this metaphor via barbieland wherein the kens are the dismissed minority adjacent to what women are in the real world, in a satirical attempt to convey that feminism should not actually be about female dominance (what they purport barbie has come to represent) but about equality of the sexes and equality in the ability to pursue whatever you want to (hence a barbie does not have to conform to unattainable standards of success for women and a ken does not have to merely exist for the sake of barbie). which i will admit does have the potential to be a good message as far as liberal feminist movies will go, and there is a scene towards the end with barbie and ken where this is explained that happens to be one of two scenes i actually liked in the whole movie. but the problem is that the movie does an utterly shit job of actually building up to it, and it still ultimately sticks to and makes guiding posts of traditional notions of gender insofar as kens being masculine and barbies being feminine. the last few minutes of the movie involve barbie becoming a real woman bc she no longer wants to simply be an idea, so in her final scene she goes to a gynecologist bc she now has a vagina (something she did not have prior). and again like i'm not expecting a barbie movie of all things to have revolutionary takes on gender but i simply think the messaging is severely undermined when you're relying strictly on the gender binary to carry your storytelling. to the point that i believe all of the transphobic backlash to the movie is not only a consequence of people's own transphobia but also of the movie's inability to have anything but an utterly shallow take on feminism entrenched in the gender binary that merely believes we can learn by switching places with each other

and i mean on top of having shallow messaging it's simply.. not a well built movie lmao. the plot progression is haphazard and inconsistent due to an inability to flesh out either barbieland or the real world. america ferrera is the hero of the story bc her monologue about what women are expected to be by society is able to break the brainwashing spell over the barbies who have found themselves subservient to a ken takeover in barbieland once ken learns about patriarchy in the real world. but america ferrera is never actually developed as a character. we have one brief montage to indicate she has a poor relationship with her daughter bc she has always loved barbies whereas her daughter hasn't (the daughter also lectures barbie about how she's a fascist who encourages capitalism and consumerism. lol) but that relationship is never actually developed or dissected. we go from them seemingly not getting along to suddenly being the best of friends bc they go back to barbieland with barbie and decide to help her fix things and america's inspirational monologue brings her daughter around to barbie as a concept. it's just.. utterly silly. like not even in a good way silly, it's just stupid

and it frustrates me bc i do think there was a lot of potential to do something with the mother-daughter relationship esp considering its importance to the ending thesis of the movie in a scene between ruth handler and barbie (the other scene in the movie i actually enjoyed). like i would have been okay with a movie that acknowledged barbie was an influential media property for older women who had grown accustomed to nurturing baby dolls as children in preparation for motherhood, while acknowledging that barbie was no longer necessarily the same symbol of empowerment for modern generations of women bc of how the feminist movement has progressed and evolved. it's why i honestly think the movie should have been about the mother and daughter exclusively. like i don't even think barbieland should have existed nor barbies and kens been real characters bc it took away so much from conveying a message with even a drop of integrity. america's eventual monologue is so universal and lifeless and bland that it appeals exactly to the kind of crowd who are now making tiktoks and reels that the barbie movie is important for teaching people about feminism. like ok. sure. fuck you to intersectional feminism or anything grounded in the realities of anyone else other than white women whose only concern is not being able to conform to standards of success in the real world (and the ironic thing is the movie even makes an aside that margot robbie is the wrong person to cast to convey such a message, but like. what am i supposed to do with that. it accomplishes nothing)

i said as much on twt but i simply think there is no point to try to make a movie critiquing the scope of barbie when the answer is still ultimately barbie. a critique of barbie has to end in something other than barbie and when your movie is being produced by mattel that will never actually happen. which i do think can branch off into conversations about intellectual property and how creators are largely restricted from ever expanding upon properties they loved as children bc their ownership by media entities restricts creative output from the start (see: cape comics!). but i don't even think this is a matter of greta gerwig being restricted. she genuinely believes in this shtick bc she's always believed in it. her feminism starts and stops at white feminism and the smattered in visibility of minorities to feel like she is doing her part as an ally, when ultimately, she is doing nothing. lady bird and little women are not as offensive in this regard (albeit you may remember the latter movie has a very brief moment where marmy speaks to a nameless black woman as a moment of token recognition) bc their primary focus is not feminism and bc they are either constrained by autobiography or adaptation. it's great speaking either to what she knows or to what the author of a book knows. barbie is a movie about feminism, so it works best to reveal how utterly out of her depth greta gerwig is in that area as she tries to apply herself everywhere and fails. when people say it's better for straight white women to stick to what they know rather than rush to represent everyone in their work, they're right. there's no use in representing that which you will never live nor understand. and if people do identify with greta gerwig's brand of feminism, then i think it says a lot about how shallow their feminism actually is

[sams-venting]

I need to get this off my chest before I blow up at somebody 

But I know I did not just fucking watch someone try to say a fictional incest ship is worse than several real-life people getting groomed. Are you fucking serious. You are so lucky your ass was on anon motherfucker I would've hard blocked and reported your snide ass

I don't give a shit which 'side' you're on. I don't care what you think about whatever drama of the week is going on. I know my ass, who has actively had to report CSEM photos to National Center for Missing and Exploited Children Cyber Tipline, did not just fucking watch you compare a disgusting ship, to actual teens being sexually coerced

I can't fucking believe you. We out here really prioritizing fictional characters over real breathing human beings

Get this, I am completely against pro shipping. I am just as repulsed by people looking at siblings or parents and deciding they should fuck for the silly dynamics of it as the next guy, it's fucking despicable. But I know I did not just your ass saying it's more harmful and creepy than your friend over there diddling real people almost half his age. Are you fcuking kidding me. 

And, before you start assuming shit, I again am on 'no side'. I don't give a fuck about the entire situation outside of people once again, conveniently dragging the victims of the gore anons into more bullshit. 

I am not blind to the fact none of this would've went down had a stalker not went digging for shit. No one would've known about the original doc a year ago had a suspected gore anon not stirred the pot after the callout post that got sent to the VAs. That was purposeful manipulation. No doubt about it. They wanted to pull up anything and everything on one of the few people that was trying to defend those that were getting harassed because of the big blogs. You'd have to be either really young, or really stupid to not've seen that bigger picture 

I also don't fucking trust ANYONE that makes a callout / awareness post for ANY REASON. I don't care who you are. As a quotev veteran of 7 years, someone who watched their friend get dogpiled on by big blogs 3 years ago in the Sonic fandom bc how dare a minor be uncomfortable with public porn of minor characters on tumblr, seen kids purposely catfish adults in the MHA quotev fandom so they could frame them for pedophilia any time their advances were put to a stop, the entire Revie and Jasper situation in the FNF vs Sonic.exe corner of twitter where one adult was partially framed once again by a kid that couldn't handle being told no, meanwhile the other had legit CP on their computer come to find out and was the Actual danger in the fandom 

So imagine my reaction of trying to escape to the fnafsb fandom and to tsams. Here 👏 we 👏 fucking 👏 go 👏 again. It's like everyone was born yesterday and baby spanking new to the Internet. How has No One learned the consequences of their actions. Adults included btw, just as childish if not worse than the teens that haven't learn basic internet etiquette. What the fuck is your excuse you're in your 20s, how is your media literacy This low mf. Smh 

All I can say is thank God I've decided to grow and mature as a person. And by that, coming to the conclusion that everything is ultimately ✨none of my fucking business✨ 

Bc guess what, it ain't. Just bc people airing out the dirty laundry does not mean I need to get involved and throw myself to the drama wolves. Sometimes, I don't need to have an opinion. Sometimes, if I do have an opinion, I know to keep it to myself unless I'm asked for it by my therapist or friends (and not anons guys I am begging you to not get baited by trolls please for the love of all things holy. Assume good faith in strangers, but never in anons. They use innocent questions all the time to pull a gotcha) 

Ultimately? All sides are guilty of some level of shit, end of discussion. 1) I already had beef with with the whole 'ur pd is showing' on a personal level. I will never forgive for that. In no scenario with strangers is that ever fucking okay. 2) I ain't gonna let the little fibs slide. I've seen the screenshots in the newest doc, I've compared the posts. A liar is a liar. 3) I personally don't like nor trust em. Didn't originally, definitely don't now. But again I acknowledge that's a personal decision. 4) I did not fucking like seeing people stalk the gore anon victims once again just so they can dig up scraps to support their persecution of their past abuser. 5) I am in no way denying the abuse they did infact go through. It was horrible to see, and I can only empathize with my own trauma from abusive relationships. 6) I am also however acknowledging that trying to drive them off of social media is not a realistic solution and is infact anti-recovery. So some of you are infact a hypocrite for wanting to abolish prisons and then pulling This kind of shit. Revenge is not justice. 7) if you wanna cut someone out of your life, you have to stop talking about them and 'looking out for their potential victims' or you're just going to feed the flames of drama. Be the bigger person and put down the stick if you're tired of the burn. This goes for everyone btw. 8) for the record I would not be Nearly as on the fence as I am rn if it weren't for [redacted] having learned this behavior from also being a victim of somebody else. It is incredibly common for those that have been groomed and/or abused in the past to then continue to seek out those same types of relationships. Especially if they never learned the why or how said relationships were fucked up in the first place. 

9) it is no one's place to decide if other people are allowed to give someone a second or third chance to be a better person. Idgaf if they're a victim or not. You do not have the right to dictate who talks to who. That is red flag toxic yaoi shit my dear friend. I, do not agree with a few of my mutuals chosing to befriend or forgive them. But I also know it is not my fucking place to tell them to do different. It is not my place to control who is with who for whatever reason. I don't like it, I don't agree with it, but I ain't gonna start shit talking left and right, throwing my opinions all about, and force them to do as I do. 

This is where the maturity clarity thing comes in btw. I don't like it. I have a bad feeling about it. I don't agree with these decisions my mutuals have made. But you know what? ✨It's none of my fucking business✨ and I mean it. That means, after I'm done venting here I'm dropping the topic. That means, just bc I don't like them that I'm gonna start bad mouthing to my mutuals about their friend. You don't go to your bestie and shit talk about their boyfriend right to them, that's messed up af. And this is no different 

Also, sidenote, fuck all y'all for using stranger's posts on the internet to drag someone else's name through the mud and reposting them to a doc without consent. Which Did happen to me with the big blogs vs confessions btw. I am still, very much not okay about that and I can't believe that's happening to other ppl too but for a different call-out. 

but fucking, trying to compare a fictional ship and saying it's worse than people who got groomed?

You are on razor thin fucking ice. Pull your head out of your ass, shut up, and sit the hell down before you spout any more stupid shit for the love of God. That about pisses me off more than anything right now I'm so livid. And I've been silently seething with rage since August so that's not to be taken lightly

----

[P.S. thank you to mod for being a place ppl can go to, idk what I would've done since I don't have therapy till next week. Sorry if I don't make any sense whatsoever btw, I am tired, it is 1 am, and my bpd ass is extremely emotional rn with no viable outlet except here. I am aware that reality is not what it seems past midnight as I am prone to delusion, so I'm genuinely not allowed to *talk* talk to ppl this late at night for everyone's well being, including myself. So again: thank you. Hope you're doing well, in spite of everything going on. Drinking water, petting cats, monching bread, etc, and letting the small things in life into your heart to spread wonder. Have a good night]

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