#(whichever one best fits in context)

[intravention]

Do you ever think about. Like. Crime and Punishment in Japanese is 罪と罰, and 罪 can be used to mean crime or sin.

There's obviously a difference between a crime and a sin, where sin has more moral and religious connotations while crime refers to legal wrongdoings. To Fyodor, though, crime and sin might mean the same thing (as used in Japanese).

So. Food for thought. A sin is a crime against God, or something. I want to know what Fyodor thinks about that.

[shigayokagayama]

gender+random headcanon for tome? or tsubomi, whichever one you're feeling

why not both?

tome:

Sexuality Headcanon:

lesbian!!!

Gender Headcanon:

trans girl! ive actually thought about this one a lot but her whole arc of like. coming out of her mostly male friendgroup and trying to totally remake herself to fit into a girl friendgroup and make herself more palatable to girls her age before realizing that all her friends have weird hobbies too and you dont have to stifle all your interests to fit in with other girls fits the experience of a lot of trans girls i know

A ship I have with said character:

her and keiko from the reigen manga

GAY PEOPLE

A BROTP I have with said character:

her and mob's friendship is very special to me but her and the whole telepathy club ouuughhhhhhh alien arc my beloved... i miss when youd get like 20 posts a day of her and takenaka messing with each other with telepathy shenanigans they mean the world to me. i also think she and teru would get along really well theyd be terrible influences on each other.

A NOTP I have with said character:

i really cannot see her with mob i know this is punching down because theres maybe 1 person on the planet who ships this but theyre definitely a "mob-kun youre my best friend and i love you but i would never date you under any circumstances" sorta friendship. also not really a notp just a "?" but of the possible femslash ships i feel like her and tsubomi appeals to me the least. probably just because they never interact and we dont know enough about tsubomi's interests to know if theyd have anything in common. it gives "pair the spares but we dont like mezato" to me.

A random headcanon:

tome mentions in one of the semi canon anthologies that kijibayashi asked her out when they were first years and im incorporating that into my worldview. i also think she and takenaka had a like one week long middle school "relationship" that consisted primarily of them being too awkward to speak to each other or be in each other presence until they broke up over text just because it makes alien arc even funnier. also more of a reigen headcanon than a her headcanon but in the context of reigen manga i think it makes sense if reigen was very similar to her in middle school then when he was approaching highschool he was like "well i cant stay passionate about things forever" and dedicated himself solely to being a good student and good employee til he burned himself out.

General Opinion over said character:

she is solidly my second favorite mp100 character i love her so so much shes so special to me shes like. level of favorite character where i get excited handflaps seeing art of her. daughter of all time.

tsubomi:

Sexuality Headcanon:

aro lesbian is fun for her i think!

Gender Headcanon:

one of my friends really likes transmasc tsubomi and i respect the vision. boy fans be like "not yet"

A ship I have with said character:

mezato and tsubomi. listen. listen to me. of all the femslash ships it makes the most sense. every time we ever hear mezato talk about tsubomi it gives "dear dumb diary". that girl is one long psychoanalytical speech about this girl she's never even had a conversation with from realizing she's bisexual and i think tsubomi would find mezato a really interesting person to interact with. they'd study each other like bugs. it's perfect.

A BROTP I have with said character:

her and mob staying friends is really important to me i like them a lot </3

A NOTP I have with said character:

honestly none really, like i said with tsubomi i dont really get tsutome but i dont dislike it. i prefer her and mob as friends but i dont necessarily think them getting together like. years post canon really ruins the message of the show or anything bc the whole point of the confession arc is that he was chasing this fake image he'd built of her as this perfect person so them getting to know each other and dating in the future wouldnt really ruin that i dont think.

A random headcanon:

i think she's a music person!!! one of her fanbook interviews mentioned that she likes to scream as loud as she can in empty piano rooms and it kind of put the idea of her going into music theory or smth when she's older into my head

General Opinion over said character:

i really really like her and find her narrative role interesting and i both wish we got more of her but also understand that knowing tsubomi would kind of ruin the plot of the show. seeing her only as glimpses and trying to extrapolate who she is through that is unfortunately the point </3

[whirligig-girl]

Has Guz ever heard of a children's railway? On Earth they're a sort of educational narrow-gauge railway, with real locomotives; the practice started in the USSR to teach kids interested in railways how railway operations work.

It's sadly very hard to find a good picture of such a narrow-gauge locomotive next to anything broad-gauge, but the Malaya Oktyabrskaya Railway ("Little October Railway") in St. Petersburg has this delightful dual-gauge setup!

I've always wanted to work on a children's railway ('wormroads' is the rough translation of the railroader slang for them) when I was younger, but there weren't any the region I grew up in due to county statues limiting what kinds of labor options are available for extracurricular training. There was a heritage railway that Eurgus used to take me to when I was little, a few hours away from their garage. But this was back in the early days of Economic Standardisation, and so they didn't get a ton of resources when even the public transportation department was struggling to keep trains running to time. When I found out they were closing, I spent a week putting together a presentation to give to the county board to convince them to turn the heritage railway into a wormroad, but I was really shy and I stuttered a lot and I left the podium before my time was up and even after my followup letters they said I couldn't show that there would be enough interest among my 'fellow youths.' (Slamtha said she'd go along with it, but that was only because I begged her). Golly. Oh that was so embarassing, why did you make me remember that! That heritage railway is now a single-building museum with a pretty well kept narrow gauge diesel-pneumatic and some rolling stock outside, with all of the trackage grown over (except for the parts where, like in your image, they run into the broad gauge interchange--they're basically a rusty third rail you can see in some of the passenger stations and runaround loops in that town) I had no idea there had once been children's railways on Earth! That's so neat! Earth doesn't have a lot of honest-to-gooness steel-on-steel railways, but I know there are some niche industrial contexts and quite a few heritage railways. Whenever I see historical pictures of Earth's railroads it's almost always 'standard gauge' (which makes me laugh), but I love seeing dual gauge trackage because it reminds me of home. The middle rail in the pic above looking like an electric toy train track is also especially funny. It's probably for the best I never got to work on a children's railway. I'd have probably ended up just going into a career in railroading, which wouldn't have had any transferable skills into Starfleet, so I'd still be on Mellanus, and probably forced back into the closet. I did get to have some experience operating 'real' trains, but much later. On Earth, there's a 'live steam' model railroad club in the Bay Area, I think it was in Sauce-o-lito? I might be misremembering. Whichever city Little Vulcan is in. Anyway, I heard about it from my academy roommate, Dyani. She said she heard of it when she was visiting. They do some pretty detailed operations, but it's all a lot smaller scale than you'd find on the narrow gauge children's railways on Mellanus. But that's the gauge I build my model live-steam engines for. Of course I run them on the holodeck, since the USS Cerritos doesn't have enough room to fit even a very small railway onboard. Actually. Huh. Maybe along the rim of the repair bay? Maybe if we took out one of the bulkheads or tunneled through it, and ran through the jeffries tubes behind the ops station next door? It'll have to wait for the Sequoia to be finished. I'll talk to Tendi and Rutherford about it later!

Be very careful addressing your asks to Guz! She is liable to talk your ear off!

Narrow gauge children's railways were actually very common on Mellanus, some of them even doing useful work. (Mostly short passenger commutes). Young Mellanoid Slimes are given a lot of freedom and liberty--they never have to work as such, child labor is not exploited for profit--but education tends to be more hands on, with apprenticeship positions and clubs available in addition to curricular classes for those who are interested across a variety of subjects and trades. (This is also why Eaurp and Slamtha had internships at the mellanoid slime space program during gooniversity.)

In order to protect children from their labor being exploited for profit in poor conditions under the guise of education, former capitalist nations generally had stricter rules about child labor than former communist nations. With economic standardisation (i.e., the wars, revolutions, and reforms that lead to global communism between the 2350s and 2370s), these child labor laws are still around in those places.

There are still children's railways on Mellanus, though in the 2380s there are no longer any on Earth. (Though most terrans have access to holosuites capable of providing realistic train simulation).

[drowninginblox]

HideDuo HCs bc we are going through it

The March drought is getting to me y'all. I don't know about all y'all but the anniversary isn't the best thing ever, especially with the Hatsune Miku incident.

I think we deserve a little treat for being dedicated to our favorite roommates. Hence these ramblings.

The following applies to the OSMP characters, not actual streamers themselves. This is gonna be very all over the place, overall cursed, and is projecting. I hope yall enjoy-

Fit:

Can play any sport, but hates all of them (except for ice skating, he fucking loves it but he'll never admit it and he can't skate for shit)

Has read fanfiction before

Knows about dreamsmp lore but doesn't know what it all means in context, very much "Did you know a guy fucked a salmon and had a fox as a child?" "He started a country later? The fish fucker???"

Is into more fru fru coffee drinks than he lets on. Like- fuck yea 9/10 times that mother fucker be drinking that shit black, but he loves some good pumpkin spice- tooty fruity-cuchie deluci frappuccino. He'd only give in around sunny tho.

Was a smoker for a hot minute, quit tho when the ashes nearly lit a TNT. Hasn't picked it up since

Is a slut for pig step

Has read The Art of War

Had a celebrity crush on Philza. He still has it but it's defo diminished since he knows him personally.

Showers daily. I don't care that he's a war-torn mf, that man loves taking showers and will never pass up the opportunity to get one.

Has a poster of Miku Binder Jefferson. Someone gave it to him as a secret Santa present and he has no idea who or what to do with it. He's tempted to burn it but he's kind of afraid of it. It's so cursed that it shows up in his nightmares.

He thinks about Forever a lot more than he wants to admit. He's afraid of the possibility of turning into a monster since he was exposed to the black concert a lot. He understands the fear is irrational since it was long ago but the intrusive thought lingers.

He's thought about marriage in general and with Pac. He'd never admit it but he planned out everything from the venue to the music to the vows. He'd easily swipe it all away if Pac said he had an idea of what he wanted it to be like.

is fluent in Morse code

Knows sign language

Hearing aids mf

Has a family somewhere out there, one that he lost or left only to be dumped into TB2T

Loves crosswords, especially during breakfast and right after Ramon goes to bed.

His favorite smell is cinnamon and cocoa butter

Believes in Herobrine

Can't do long division to save his life

Hates the sound of Velcro

Pac:

Likes the Pacman TV show

Smells like cinnamon and cocoa butter

Has too many scars from the cats he's owned over the years.

Married Mike for tax reasons in the past. They play it up that they're bitter divorcés from time to time

Doesn't shower as often as he should, not because he hates it but because he has a long routine and enjoys baths far more

Enjoys tea and coffee equally

Was a homestuck fan (yesIFUCKINGDIDTHATTOHIMWHATAREYAGONNADO???)

Gay awakening was Rufio from Hook

watches Reading Rainbow as an adult

paints on his prosthetic all the damn time

Has a Post-it note collection. He barely uses them but he has a rainbow of them and each color represents a member of the island.

Has a sticker collection

Always carries small snacks for his pocket dude (I heard about this through the wiki, apparently Pac has a pocket boy? If not then he does now lmao) mostly gummy bears and crackers

Is afraid of the ocean. Idk why that just sounds right for him and if it is it recontextualizes the date he had w fit lol

knows Morse code

Knows some phrases in American sign language (fit is teaching him / is learning for fit, whichever is cuter)

Has hacked into a government-locked server, left lobster porn in place of any files he took. Idk which government it was or why he did it, but he did and they haven't recovered since

Is the type to listen to Jon Bellion and Talor Swift. No, i will not elaborate

Has very vivid daydreams. Aside from drugs and PTSD, he has some really nice ones all on his own. Mostly about Fit tbh.

[yandere-yearnings]

hi dar! same anon who asked for writing tips, how are you doing? if you aren't busy, could you give tips on characterisation? I find myself struggling so much with it 😓

hi nonnie!! i'm a bit ill rn but aside from that i'm managing thankfully, it's lovely to hear from you again and i hope you've been doing well🥺🩷 and ofc i can❗❗characterisation is one of those things that takes a bit of time to get the hang of, but once you do it can turn out to be super fun and i think that is owed partially to the fact that there is so much room for creative freedom in the process. you just gotta experiment a bit and find that workflow that suits you best🥰 i will put tips and exercises that i think could be useful under the cut🩷

Association

The most helpful thing I find when working on a character is to approach them like zooming into a picture — it is the silhouette that has the integral role in how you see things, and all the details come after. Thus, having a general idea of what you want your character to embody can be the easiest starting point; in ways like a spine for them.

Try and think about what you'd associate your character with, and when you write them, you'll be able to branch off of that. It can be as general or as specific as you like, maybe they remind you of a specific season or maybe it's a particular feeling like the itch in your throat when you're coming down with a fever. There is no right or wrong answer, this is simply the motif that makes your character recognisable.

If you were to, say, describe your favourite character from any existing media, your leading line would likely be an abstraction of their main traits to sum them up — and that's exactly what you want to be able to do with your own character before you start refining them.

2. Write to think

I think writing as a whole is an activity that is heavily hinged on the mind. The ratio varies for every writer but at its core it is a combination of two sets of actions — thinking and doing. You'll spend a significant amount of time in your head with your ideas; creating them, marinating them, building on them, and another stretch of time putting them to paper and figuring out how they fit together. There is an overlap between the two, you think to do and sometimes you do to think; it's a process of trying to feel out the veins that belong in your narrative, so I believe there's a lot you can get out of going through those motions with your character in mind.

One of my favourite ways of doing this is putting the character in question into different scenarios, and writing small extracts of how they would be in those situations. The more you do, the more you will begin to get a feel for what characteristics, behaviours and mannerisms align with them. If they were the only person with access to a safehouse in a zombie apocalypse, what would they do? Maybe they keep it all to themselves, maybe they let other people in selflessly, maybe they make a business out of it — these differences in reactions to the same circumstances are what give characters personality.

You can find lists of pre-written prompts and work through them with a specific character in mind, you can make up the questions yourself, or get them from someone else, you can even take inspiration from the happenings in your every day life — whichever method you enjoy the most. The pieces that you end up writing don't have to be your best works, nor do you have to share them with anyone else, or even keep them, because in this context, the objective is that you are using writing as a tool for thinking rather than creating.

3. Compare

In my opinion, one of the best ways of defining everything a character is, is by establishing everything that they are not. What is absent from them is just as important as what is present, and you can highlight what those things are to yourself by comparing them to another character. It doesn't really matter who the other character is, and you could even make comparisons against multiple and would likely be able to extract a bit of new information each time.

This practice can prove to be helpful in the fine-tuning stages, because you are giving yourself material to understand what the distinctions are in your character that gives them their individuality, and makes them their own person. Think: what makes your character different from the superhero from xyz show? Or the baker in that book you read recently? Perhaps even from another character in their own universe?

[web-novel-polls]

Have You Read This Web Novel?

If you’re in the process of reading this web novel, please choose whichever option best fits your situation. You do not have to be completely finished with it to answer “yes.”

If you’ve never heard of it, please read the description below the cut!

See similar polls and results here!

Novel Updates:

Ming He always believed she had entered a world of cultivation, only to discover she had stepped into the script of the unstoppable Dragon Hero (Long Aotian, 龙傲天, a Chinese term that is often used in the context of web novels, particularly in the fantasy and martial arts genres, to describe a character who is exceptionally powerful, confident, and often has a strong sense of superiority). Su Ming He, the younger half-sister of Su Cheng Feng, the leader of the Su family, is the aunt of the main character, the Dragon Hero. She taunts the fallen hero and becomes one of the stepping stones for him… However, Su Cheng Feng is still just the young master of the Su family, an inner sect disciple of the Liu Yun Sect, and the Dragon Hero’s mother has just arrived at the Liu Yun Sect as a core disciple for a certain purpose. Ming He clenched her fist. So what if she is an outer sect disciple? Now that she is here, she definitely wants to climb to great heights. With a three-foot azure blade in hand, she will tread the path through the clouds, witness the sun, moon, and stars of the Thousand Layers Spirit Mountain, and see the raging waves of the Giant Serpent in the vast Eastern Sea. She wants to see the duel of the top talents from the Dragon and Tiger Rankings! But—what’s up with this woman who always sticks to her side, smiling charmingly like a temptation, and keeps trying to touch her? Isn’t she the Dragon Hero’s mother? 1. Nine stages of cultivation: Qi Refinement, Spirit Guiding, Xuan Wei, Dust Dispersal, Wind Controlling, Heaven Origin, Human King, Earth Emperor, Great Emperor. 2. The main storyline involves defeating monsters, saving the world, and winning a beautiful partner. 3. There are numerous private settings, a mix of excitement and hardship, and a fresh storyline.

[khajiit-reads]

I'd like a Grand Tableau reading! I'm Jasper (they/them) and I'd prefer a masculine significator (feel free to choose whichever one you think fits best) and…well, I'm aroace, but perhaps a masculine significator for a QPR? I've barely ever dabbled in Lenormand, so I'm admittedly a bit lost on the cards 😅 Hopefully I am a good guinea pig for this reading regardless!

~Jasper

For clarity, 28 is You, 29 is your potential QPP or whoever.

The rest of your reading is under the cut for length. It's long. I hope it's accurate, I'm not the best at reading Lenormand all the time lol!

The deck used is Healing Light Lenormand by Christopher Butler.

Center Cards

The two center cards represent what the reading centers on, the "heart" of it.

We see Clover and Birds here in the center - Clover represents luck, lightheartedness, and all things positive in the emotional sector. Birds represents however, negative emotions and flightyness.

This can be taken to mean that this spread will be a great mix of these two things - The positive and the negative. Your spread will face your emotions and it might not always be an easy journey.

The Houses

The house is the card that normally numerically belongs in that spot (the first card in the reading is in the House of Rider for example.) The first word is the card, second is the house.

Mountain | Rider : Mountain is all about blockages, but Rider is about progress and messages. This ultimately represents blocked energy and passage, something standing in your way.

Bouquet | Clover : Bouquet is about flattery and the social life, and Clover is about all things positive emotions. However, you have great social bonds in your life at this time that could or do help you.

Heart | Ship : Heart represents relationships and bonds, and Ship something leaving you or leaving something behind. But at the same time, some bonds are leaving you. They may or may not return, this card doesn't suggest that to me.

Child | House : This one is a bit hard - While one could take Child semi-literally as the inner child, this card is more about new beginnings. So regardless, that is affecting your foundations in a positive way.

Lily | Tree : Lily in this context represents wisdom and ethics, which Tree has made grounding and foundational parts of your life and experience. Wisdom is part of what grounds you and is foundational, is what I mean.

Cross | Cloud : Cross is all about faith, convictions, but also suffering and burden. Cloud is about uncertainty and secrets, things being hidden. And yet your faith or your convictions are stuck in a place of uncertainty. You have great knowledge in yourself, but do you feel stilted or lost in place somehow? Are you questioning yourself?

Moon | Snake : Moon represents the subconscious and that which we don't know we know, and Snake is desire, seduction, and craving. You're in a phase right now in your life where you're trying to figure out what you want, but perhaps you already know and just need to access it.

Stars | Coffin : Stars here is much like The Star in Tarot, being a card of hopes and dreams. But Coffin represents something ending, but also something transforming. However, I'm taking this as you hoping that something is ending, something that isn't serving you or making you feel happy.

Rider | Bouquet : Rider is all about passion and moving forward with things, as well as fast things, while Bouquet in this context, I think, represents a gift. A gift from someone, somewhere is on the horizon, and that gift will help you. My gut says maybe, just maybe, it's your self-gift of new decks, that maybe they'll bring you to the next level.

Sun | Scythe : Sun is another positive card, but more about external positivity that internal like clover, this card also represents power and success. Scythe represents hasty decisions, but also danger and a warning. Your success will come at some form of price. Something you have to give up, that you might be willing or might not be willing.

Ring | Whip : Ring is all about commitments, promises, honor, the sort. Whip is about conflict, however. Do your past commitments haunt you, have you made promises that you don't want to keep anymore? Or is it more simple and easy, that you just don't want to keep doing things the way you've been doing it?

Bear | Birds : Bear is about power, control. Birds about worry, but also excitement. Do the things before this card, the allusions of conflict in your commitments, the success at a price worry you? Are you seeking power in your life, but that power also worries you, but also excites you?

Whip | Child : Whip is about conflict, opposition, and anger. Child is about new beginnings. Are these changes in your life causing you grief, because of some reason? Are they not coming as easily to you as you'd like them to?

Clover | Fox : Clover represents small happinesses, luck and positivity. Fox can represent selfishness, self care, and general trickery. Do you find yourself self caring enough, is it bringing you the joy that you seek and need?

Snake | Bear : Snake is about seduction, desire, and perhaps even forbidden knowledge. Bear is about power and control, being the boss. You're still seeking power and knowledge about what will help you, taking control of your own life and learning more about what you need for you.

Tower | Stars : Tower represents solitude and authority, and Stars represents hope. You're finding hope and peace within your path alone, and finding yourself to be an authority in your life.

Partner | Stork : Partner is about... well, your partner. Stork is about change, growth, and a new cycle. This card could be saying that you'll meet someone or be with someone (I don't know your current status in QPR land) who will help you grow into the person you want to be.

Mice | Dog : Mice represent dwindling, deficiency, and depletion. Dog represents loyalty and friendship. Do you find yourself with friendships that aren't making you as happy as you could be? Or perhaps, seeking more friends to fill in where you feel dwindled and depleted?

Fish | Tower : Fish is about finances, business, and wealth. Tower is about being established, but ultimately isolated and aloof. This does bode semi-well on a business endeavor, that it will be fruitful, though it might not be the best for you.

Letter | Garden : Letter is about communication, speech, and information. Garden is about public affairs. This might be about your blog in some form or another - Letter and Garden are both positive-leaning cards so it could be an encouragement to keep up your blogs as you are.

Coffin | Mountain : Coffin is about endings, but also transformation. Mountain represents difficulties and hurdles. Something will end but it will be quite difficult for you, and it'll probably be an experience you wish didn't happen.

You | Crossroads : You is... you. Crossroads is about paths open to you, and about choices. This quite plainly means, especially so close to the center, that your choices are extremely important for you right now. You need to make wise ones and deliberate before making any choice.

Everything past this point is about the future. The things before this aren't necessarily the past per se, but rather perhaps what has been affecting you so far.

Birds | Mice : Birds is about anxiety, worry, and nervousness. Mice is about something dwindling and falling apart. This can be a good omen, especially so close to the significator, that the things that worry you won't be a problem for too terribly much longer.

Book | Heart : Book is about secrets and knowledge, Heart is about bonds and relationships. You're going to learn something new about someone sometime soon, hopefully positive.

Clouds | Ring : Clouds represent anxiety and nervousness, and Ring represents commitments and promises. Your problems with these things might also fade quickly, so close to Book | Heart.

Key | Book : Book is about knowledge and information, and Key is about openness and revelations. You'll learn something new that will bring you to some revelation.

House | Letter : House is about safety and stability, about customs and also privacy. Letter is about communication and information. You're going to go through a time of figuring out what it is you want from learning about and from others in some degree.

Scythe | Man : Scythe is about accidents, Man is about a person. You might find you make some mistake with someone sometime soon that might cause quite a bit of pain.

Dog | Woman : Dog is about loyalty and friendship, Woman is about a person. But at the same time, you'll make a new friend and make a new bond, which will last you quite a long time.

Ship | Lily : Ship is about departure and farewells, Lily is about ethics and morality. You might find yourself arguing with yourself on something and changing your mind on something. It doesn't have to be as grand as it sounds here, it could be quite mild and minor.

Tree | Sun : Tree represents being grounded and growing, Sun represents happiness and victory. You're going to succeed in grounding yourself sometime soon, and it'll bring you great happiness.

Fox | Moon : Fox is about selfishness and self-care, about being strong and dominant. Moon is about what we don't recognize that we do know. You're going to maybe realize that you need more of this in your life for your own good. Do you find yourself being a people pleaser or anything like that?

Stork | Key : Stork is about change and cycles, Key is about openness and realizing something. You're going to recognize a change that needs to occur in your life, and you'll hopefully pursue it.

Garden | Fish : Garden is about public affairs, community and social networks. Fish is about business and monetary affairs. Your public life may lead to a road where you can make some money.

Anchor | Anchor : Anchor represents foundations, being faithful, and achievements. You're going to find yourself building a new foundation that will bring you great achievement.

Crossroad | Cross : Crossroad represents having many options available to you, and Cross represents faith. This might be a final send off to the Houses simply choosing to say that you have a lot of options available to you, and that none of them are particularly wrong.

Four Corners

The left corners represent the past. We see Mountain and Scythe. Within your past, you've had a lot of obstacles and things standing in your way, accidents and things you never intended.

The right corners represent the future. We see Rider and Crossroad. But within your future, you've many options before you, and all of them are valid and possible for you.

The top corners represent things beyond your control. We see Mountain and Rider. Beyond your control however, is how easy it'll be to actually make the change you should be pursuing.

The bottom corners represent things within your control. We see Scythe and Crossroad. And within it, is how you pursue it, and to avoid harm and hardships.

Rows

In this section and the next, I won't list every card we see because I like my sanity, and just go over the general understanding.

The center rows represent the present. We see both you and your companion card here, so both of these are obviously in the present. Things are difficult to some degree, but you're handling it well and with the aid of those around you. Commitments are being made or debated on that will guide you towards some form of revelation. Something is falling apart and ending right now. Money is an important factor in your life at the moment. You're learning something new at the time.

The bottom row is what's in your control. You're in control of where you can go and how to mitigate damage. You have loyal friends, and you can choose what things end and what things don't. You choose your own foundations.

The top row is what's not in your control. Obstacles are not quite in your control, nor is the fact you need to make progress and moving forward. You will make more friends within this time, and these will bring you to new beginnings and betterness.

Columns

Moving from left to right, with the center three columns being the present, we see the past to the future.

First column, there's obstacles and hardships, perhaps a fear and anxiety around money, and yet joy in your past. Second column, there's a lot of socializing and commitments, plenty of communication and loyalty. Third column, something ended, perhaps a relationship that you enjoyed a lot, but you had the power and capability to move past it.

Fourth column, into the present, we see yourself first and foremost in this column, which puts extra importance onto it. You're faced with conflicts in your foundations, and are seeking a new beginning in some form or another. Fifth column, you're anxious about something but also at peace about it, knowing that it'll all turn out okay. You're spending time taking care of yourself in the ways you can, and bringing yourself peace. Sixth column, you're learning knowledge about your faith and what you want for yourself, coming to realizations you didn't know you would come to. You're moving forward into something new.

Seventh column, into the future, you'll need a lot of self-introspection and time to yourself to figure out what you actually want to do. However, insight for others might also be helpful, but not as helpful as self-introspection. Eighth column, we see foundations being formed, likely with a new person, which will lead to openness and new things, bringing you hope and new ideas. Ninth column, something old will fall apart and lead way for a new road and path to be taken, and new foundations to be formed.

Conclusion

I always forget how long the Grand Tableau takes! I think this was 2 hours this time. Hopefully, my hard work was worth it! (I signed up for this so it's for me to endure.)

[justbelievinginmagic]

Hello! For the questions for fic writers thing, here are the questions I've chosen (they're quite a lot, feel free to answer whichever one/s u like, I'm interested in hearing your takes!):

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore?

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

21. If you wrote a “missing scene” in Like A Waltz, what would it be?

22. Who is your favorite character in Like a Waltz and why?

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?

48. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

oooo so many!! im so excited to answer them!!

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics? i feel like a lot of my fics are inspired by something! like there is always something i can reference and build off of (ie. ariadne's thread is inspired by labyrinth and follows its plot with divergences or like a waltz is inspired by iomt mv but also mafia/ballet sources.) i also think i slowburn a lot lol. all of my fics feel very slow burn with their romances. ive heard i am very detailed when i write too! and i know i personally care about making things feel realistic both in the world and how people react to it! i think i use parentheses often to imply asides/commentary that may not fit the flow of the paragraphs - they are often attempts at giving more context or a character's feelings. i dont think i do that in Every fic though.

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you? For kpop specifically, I hated AUs lol. I only read idol-verse stuff for so long. but now I mostly read just AUs haha and i rarely write idolverse stuff too lol. I used to refuse to read ABO. i thought it was just strange - but eventually you read all the non-abo stuff in kpop fanfic category and get desperate to read more lol. I like ABO now - especially when people discuss gender/societal roles within it and it feels less like a smut trope and more like a world. Sports AUs have grown on me; ill read them now when i used to completely pass them. I guess this is more AUs rather than tropes but thats what came to mind.

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore? Im very set into my tropes lol; i cant remember anything that im like i wont read that if i already enjoyed it. i could read the same flavor of fic with the same tropes and be like i love this lol.

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it? Ooo I'll do this per fandom I like writing for: ATEEZ: I want to write a Tron AU for Ateez inspired by their The World albums BUT really dive into tron lore lol like the concept of tech and users/humans seen as gods. That franchise is so weird!! and i can imagine ateez in specific roles from the film! I also want to read more cult!ateez lol. i could never write it, but ive really enjoyed the psychological horror of the fics that i have read. berryunho's the answer is the best one ive ever read its so realistic and horrifying. STRAY KIDS: I have a The Borrowers AU (inspired by their Giant MV) idea. I think itd be so fun to write seriously - like where they have to navigate a world with humans as itty bitty ppls but also incorporate religious lore that the MV had. I seriously dont think I'll ever write this lol. I also want in general more MV inspired fics in SKZ!! Megaverse, NoEasy, their solos!! there is such potential for writers!! BTS: Okay I have an ON MV inspired fic! But its about a d&d-esque world where there will be a ritual/sacrifice to bring upon either a new beginning or the end. Full of magic but also physical fighting and clans and soulmates!! I've written so much for this but never really solidified a super clear story for it :(( ENHA: More. Modern. Vampire. I will read it allllll. I'd like to write a Bite Me AU too - where its more Victorian era vampire inspired or maybe reader is the vampire. I personally dont vibe with the MC having more control over the boys but itd make sense with their Orange Blood album as inspo. But I gotta finish immortal lolol.

21. If you wrote a “missing scene” in Like A Waltz, what would it be? Oooo this is fun. tbh i would've liked to include a "from the perspective of the theatre box" scene. probably early on, maybe when woo and san only knew of her. canonically, yeosang/yunho/seonghwa/san/woo had been to the theatre before meeting yn, just to watch her. id be interested to write their first impressions. and their conversations about her while in the box. more insight on their thoughts on yn basically and maybe insight on why they are in cromer in the first place? i like the idea that they didnt expect to fall for her in the beginning. i do like the mystery of not including this though!

22. Who is your favorite character in Like a Waltz and why? I really enjoy YN's characterization lol. But i feel like thats a cheat to say since she is left somewhat vague for the reader's benefit. Hmmmm I love writing Wooyoung because he feels easy to write; his dialogue comes easy and i think hes fun. but I also love Mingi's backstory the most so far and the way he expresses himself! He's going to be fun to write when we see more and more of him.

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter? oooo im not so sure. i started immortal as an out of your comfort zone fic. I wanted to write in a more direct way. I have a habit of rambling lolol. so i wrote immortal chapter 1 very straightforward in my opinion. kinda clinical - even if there were emotional moments! It was interesting but it was hard for me to remain consistent. I think thats why i struggle with continuing immortal - i dont want to drift too far from that original tone but its hard.

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.” omg there are so so so many. ill give a few! keep in mind all of these are 18+! the answer which is about culteez!!! its scary and so good. the writer is so good at building up tension, and also keeping characters true motives secret!! i cant trust any of the boys and i love that!!! i wish i could do that in my work - i too easily add in context for things instead of letting the actual reader figure things out or be tricked! like the moon which is an ateez fantasy au!! this one transports me!!! its so carefully written and i adore all of the introspection we get inside the main character. the writer is amazing at build up as well!! the lily of adversity which is a bts soulmate werewolf magic fantasy au!! oMG I was obsessed with this plot! i love soulmate aus so much and i love rejected love. i also love an unreliable narrator. this fic lead me in one direction only to completely go in a different direction. i love the agency the oc has! love at first touch which is a bts jimin x oc soulmate idol au! another fic that let the reader make conclusions too!! i really struggle with letting my writing speak for itself without elaborating. this fic is sooo good and angsty its just so perf. i love the concept. i wish i could write a universe like this. also basically anything written by foxymoxynoona. she is the goat. she can write so much so beautiful intricate and real!!

42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason? there is one person who just GETS Like A Waltz! they see every little moment, every little connection, and are like on the same brain wave as me and it just lights up my day to know that my writing is getting across so clearly!!

48. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it? im currently reading bvidzsoo's black ocean series!! i started the series at the end unfortunately lol, so i just read mingi's part and im starting to read through the others. it was sooo good. i loved mingi and reader fighting and pick-pocketing from each other, so cute.

[leoneliterary]

New reader here and I am absolutely blown away by your writing and the world you've created! I did have a question about the body types we can select from: What is the difference between buxom and voluptuous in that context? Thank you! <3

Thank you so much for reading and I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far!!

One thing I'd like to emphasize is that I try to write in a way that still leaves room for y'alls imaginations. Some of the words used to describe body type are similar but could be interpreted differently by different readers. For me, a voluptuous MC has a fuller figure and is softer, while a buxom MC might have a more defined hourglass figure or might be more busty. Again, up to y'all to pick whichever you feel fits your character the best!

[mrhaitch]

Hi Mr Haitch, I hope your day/night is going well!

How do you deal with social pressure to make a decision? Be it from parents or peer pressure or just pressure from others in general.

Some context: I'm about to make an important career decision soon. While my parents want me to do something that earns good money, I believe that I have a passion for something else that does not reap the same benefits as what my parents want. However, I do see their point of view, and since they are my parents, I feel the need not to disappoint them as what every child would want. However, I'm not that interested in what they want me to do compared to what I want to do.

I apologise for loading you with so much context. Since you are a scholar, I thought that you may have past experiences of such difficult decisions of choosing which path is right for you in terms of career paths. I would like to hear your thoughts on this and how to go about it. Thank you. Have an amazing day/night ahead!

☆

I'm not the best example for all of this, nor would I suggest anyone emulate my life choices. I am not wealthy, and am still finding it a challenge climbing out of entry-level positions. With that said:

Think about longevity - for some people that will mean a pension, good pay, stability; for others it'll be how long you think you'll be able to stomach a job you don't like. Whichever one of those feels more important will help you make your first steps.

I cannot work in environments where I'm unhappy or uninspired. My performance dives, I make mistakes, lose focus, etc. It becomes a bad career move, even if the pay is good, because I'll come out with a mixed reputation and no chance of progression. Working somewhere where I am happy, where I'm committed and focused and passionate - I'm the complete opposite. Even though it's been two years since I taught there, my colleagues from my old department remember me well and are always very flattering in their comments.

I don't know your circumstances, what you're trying to weigh up, but you need to understand what your priorities are first - passion or success? Can you stomach being in an environment that isn't a good fit, or is it likely to hobble your career? Even if the pay for your dream career isn't great, is it going to be enough to live off?

I'm sorry I don't have a clear answer, but I wish you all the luck and success you deserve.

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 13th August ✨

Happy #AudioDramaSunday, lovely people! I’ve listened to so much audio drama this week and my house is so clean as a result 🫧 

SPOILERS BELOW!

🌲@hellofromthehallowoods Starcrossed Gods!! I felt so brave daring to listen to this again. My heart 💔 Marolmar is written so well! Every sentence contains something to flinch at, it makes me sick to hear it all again. I’d also repressed the memory of how gut-wrenching Nikignik’s shouting at the end was, and how much it hurts to hear people trying to sing with a closed up throat. ANYWAY, I’m fine, thank you for asking. I’m not sure if the live show was released early due to logistical reasons, but I am fearful that it’s to provide context for what’s about to happen in the regular episodes (AKA tears and tears and tears for me). 

🦀 What an absolute delight to hear from the @thesiltverses cast again! These season recaps are so funny and it’s so heart warming to hear it when the cast of a show are clearly also its biggest fans. I’m SO excited for S3!!

🦮 @malevolentcast (34) what an episode!! If I recall correctly, this is the first time we’ve had an episode entirely without Arthur & John’s perspective? The Butcher is a worthy character to hold that mantle. Do I feel like I understand him more? No. Did I love being along for the ride? Absolutely. It’s also so weird to hear Arthur talking to John out loud when he thinks no-one can hear. I hope he makes it out in time! 

📻 @monstrousagonies (107) So thrilled to have this show back and I hope Hero is feeling much better! The first letter was so cute!! I’m sure there are lots of us who can relate to choosing love and kindness when we’re used to the opposite! Whichever bridge that little one finds, I’m sure it’ll be the loveliest by far!! 

🌒 @monkeymanproductions gave us the low-down on just how incredibly talented the Moonbase Theta, Out cast are in their Cast Special. Spoiler: Very. It was very wholesome to hear DJ Sylvis hyping everyone up and the episode is full of great AD and other recommendations! 

🎙Welcome to Night Vale is back!! I felt particularly targeted by the ad copy in this episode, but I’m sure that was their intention! This ep’s weather was particularly up my street too! I loved the harmonies! 

🎞 Tiny Terrors OOF hey so I found out what was up with Angela… and I didn’t like it one bit! I also need to know what the hell was happening at the end there. Jess, girl, you’ve got to stop getting yourself in these situations. It’s too much (for me to listen to)! 

🌍 @lastechoespod (8) I can’t believe it’s the last episode! Ishani Kanetkar was wonderful as Trast. I wish we could hear the final decision, but I guess I’ll just have to relisten and try decide for myself . . . 

🧛‍♂️ @re-dracula Uhoh, someone’s arrived in Whitby . . . I love Mina so much and Isabel AdomakohYoung is doing amazing job as her VA. She captures the good-hearted intelligence I love so much about the character!

 💫 Wolf 359 (38-46 + Special!) Oh MAN this podcast has my entire heart. Isn’t Memoria one of the best episodes of anything ever? Oh, Hera, I love you sooo much!!!!! I also loved the Lovelace cliffhanger at the end of 46 and the special was so different but so good! (Although listening to 2 hours of anything is a challenge!! I need a 20-30 min ep or I can’t fit it into my life) 

🎩 @ethicstownpod (7) OH MY GOD. January fans are looking a little bit bloody silly right now! What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On???? Please, if you haven’t yet started listening to this show, now is your time! It’s SO good and has so many twists and turns!! 

🥾@doyoucopypod (5) oh my GOD, imagine how horrifying it would be to be out in the woods to grieve your partner, only to hear their voice in the middle of the night. Nope. Absolutely not. Get out of the dead zone!! Wilson remains the goodest boy, even if his growls give me goosebumps! 

🎧 In this week’s The First Episode Of, W Keith Tims talks to the creator of Untrue Stories! These interviews are always fantastic and this show sounds so interesting for fans of sci-fi!! 

Thanks for reading! I’m so excited for more Regina Prime and to catch up with happenings in the Hallowoods next week! Hope you all have a restful weekend ✨

[bisexualbaker]

Dreamwidth Alternatives to Talking in the Tags

(Originally posted on Dreamwidth so I would have less editing to do when cross-posting.)

There's a number of technological and cultural shifts Tumblr users would have to make when switching to Dreamwidth; image hosting (and the lack thereof) is probably the biggest technological switch, but the one I anticipate giving people the most trouble is tagging.

On Tumblr, you can add pretty much whatever you want to the tags, in any order you want; there is no limit to them, and they're essentially used as a secondary comment system.

Not so for Dreamwidth! Dreamwidth has a hard limit on the number of tags any journal or community can register; it's 1,000 for free users, 1,500 for basic paid accounts, and 2,000 for premium paid accounts, and they're basically entirely for organizational purposes. One of the ways that Dreamwidth's code reflects this is that it lists tags alphabetically in posts, not in the order that they were written or added. If you want to include a stream of consciousness in your tags and have them make sense, your best bet is to find a way to make them alphabetical. There's also a hard limit of 40 characters per tag for everyone, regardless of account type (paid or free).

There are other organizational options, Memories chief among them, but it's not really possible to opt out of tags being organizational and switch them to being communication. So what, if anything, can you do instead?

(Here's where the post gets long.)

The first option, and most popular all the way back to Dreamwidth's predecessor, is icons! Free accounts get 15 icon slots for images of up to 100x100 pixels, and up to (IIRC) 60kb in size. Supported file types are .jpg, .png, and .gif—so yes, this means your icons can be animated! If you have the perfect reaction gif to go with a post or comment you want to make, as long as it's the right size, you can include a tiny version of it with your post or comment!

Icons also come with an extra nifty feature: Keywords. While this is, in part, to help you select which icon you want to use from your drop-down menu, the keywords are also visible as alt text, and you can have multiple keyword options for the same icon. So if you want to add a little bit of subtext to what you're saying, you can have some additional interesting content for those who go looking.

For example, you can replicate the very popular Supernatural Current Events meme via icon form: Make a gif where the first part is Castiel confessing his love, and the second part is Dean looking constipated and saying, for example, "Today's top headlines are..." Then for keywords you can use "Supernatural", "Queerbaiting", and "Current Events". You can then choose whichever keywords you want to use for the post or comment that you're making. Just talking about Supernatural stuff? "Supernatural" is a fine keyword. Complaining about media dangling representation in front of fans only to yank it away and go No Homo (etc)? "Queerbaiting" is a fantastic choice. Want to announce some breaking news? "Current Events" is your contender. And all three of those keywords will show the same icon.

Each of these options add a little bit more nuance and subtext to the icon you're using, and, in my opinion, increase the fun factor accordingly.

.

Another fun thing to do is play with titles. While titles can be used straightforwardly, as they are in this post, they can also be used to add a little bit of off-the-wall commentary. Want to include a note that is relevant to the post but doesn't quite fit in the body? Is it something you might put in the tags on Tumblr? Consider putting it in the title!

This works both for posts and for comments. Doubly for comments in fact, aside from contexts where the field is used for organizational purposes, such as fic memes and the like; mostly because the title field is so rarely used otherwise in comments. People do use it on Dreamwidth, and some people do so often, but the majority of Dreamwidth users leave the title field blank most of the time. If you've got something to say that is really more on the margins of the rest of the comment, the subject line is somewhere you can consider putting it.

One final option that I can't say I've seen people using, but is certainly possible: The edit field. When you edit a comment, you can type in the reason you're editing it in a field that shows up at the bottom. Mostly it's reasons like "I forgot to close a tag" or "I thought of something else to add to the comment" or "I found that link I was talking about", but you could use it to add Tumblr-tag-like commentary to your own comments. Caveats that this is only an option for comments (editing posts doesn't have that same field) and that you can't edit a comment that someone has replied to. The latter portion is to try and keep communication honest and clear, though there might also be technological reasons for it.

.

The final option is post-specific (can't be done with comments) and are what Dreamwidth refers to as "Currents": Your Current Mood, Music, and Location.

Mood has a drop-down list of pre-selected mood options, some of which make more sense than others (how is "recumbent" a mood?). If you pick one of those moods, you may also get an associated image from one of Dreamwidth's provided/server supported Mood Themes; these are small and simple, and can be animated, but frequently aren't. You can check the available ones out here. If you have a paid account, you can also upload a custom mood theme, which you can make yourself or may be able to find made by someone else. Making them can take a while, but it can also be very rewarding to find or create just the right image for every mood in the menu.

That's not all, though! An important thing about Mood is that you can also input a custom mood. Not to be confused with a custom mood theme, a custom mood is an area where you can ignore the pre-selected drop-down menu of moods and fill in your own, such as "over the moon", "sick of this shit", or "what the actual fuck". (Like Tumblr tags, moods are typically not capitalized.) Just using the Custom Mood field will not give you an extra image to use for your mood, but it can be combined with the Mood drop-down menu to display alternate text for the selected mood. For example, you can select "ecstatic" as your mood and input "over the moon" as your custom mood text, and the "ecstatic" image will show up with fresh text.

The Custom Mood field only allows up to 30 characters, but there's still a lot of potential for fun combinations.

The second "Currents" field is Music, but honestly it can just be whatever you're listening to. Your teeth grinding as the government makes yet another ill-informed decision? Your cat purring and taking away your worries? Your heartbeat going a mile a minute in the middle of a horror movie? The rain outside? You can even go abstract and claim to hear the sound of silence, and not in a Simon and Garfunkel way. Or the whooshing of a point as it sails past the heads of people who willfully misunderstand.

You don't even have to limit yourself to sounds, real or imaginary, you can just put text; same way with Mood and Location (next). Whatever you put in that field will be listed as Music in your post, but that doesn't mean it is.

The Music field has room for 74 characters.

Last is the Location field. There's some pretty important stuff to know about this one, so I'll just copy-paste from Dreamwidth's FAQ about Currents:

The location text area is linked to Google Maps. Whatever you fill in here will appear as a link to a map of that location when viewed on the entry. The field does not auto-detect your location: you must make a deliberate choice to type it in. If you add a ZIP code or street address the map link may pinpoint your location to others, so think carefully about your privacy and comfort level before specifying a physical location. You can also choose a non-specific location such as a city or country, or a descriptive phrase like "at home" or "in the library".

So yes, you can put your literal GPS location in the Location section! I don't personally recommend it for safety reasons, but it's an option.

You can also lie about your location and input the coordinates for anywhere in the world. You can go fantastical and claim to be in Narnia or in a galaxy far, far away, or you can say that you're surfing the waves of your own imagination. You can say that you're lost in grief or drowning in cookies. Or you can just continue whatever train of thought you were going with from Mood and Music. Just know that it can and will attempt to connect with an actual real-world location if you input one.

As with the other two fields in "Currents", it's up to you what you put there, but the Location field allows you a whole 80 characters to do is.

Also, despite the order they're listed in the post window, they show up in the order of Mood, Location, Music in your actual post, so keep that in mind as well!

So there you have it. Dreamwidth may not have "talking in the tags" the way Tumblr does, but it does have some other forms of communication that you can still have fun with.

(Side note: You might also be able to do fun stuff similar to the "Currents" options with the Age Restriction section, but I haven't tried that one, and honestly it might be heavily dependent on the registered age of who's viewing it. If you're making a fun joke that you don't want people to miss out on, maybe stick to the other options.)

[franticmelody]

good afternoon :) 🚦💛

HI SKYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

🚦What sort of endings do I prefer to write

This is an interesting question! I feel like the endings I write aren't usually where I'm going. What I mean by that is, I don't usually write so that I can get to a specific type of ending. There are a lot of stories I want to tell, all having different kinds of endings. And whichever ending serves the story best are the ones I write! That being said, you can't beat a good cliffhanger- I love teasing my readers hehe. But there's also something to be said for a hopeful-yet-melancholic ending, too. I love appreciating the world we live in, and ending a fic having characters retrospect on their adventures, acknowledging the hardships and losses they've been through, yet still being hopeful for the future and appreciative of the present- that's vibes.

💛What is the most impactful writing lesson I've learned

Holy cow! You're throwing the tough questions at me today. I think the thing I've learned that has impacted my writing the most is limitations. There are so so so many things I want to write into my fics, and, they're fanfic! I can write whatever the hell I want. But learning to look at everything I want to do, and being able to cut some of it for pacing, theming, upholding character arcs, tone, whatever it is, has been such an integral thing to do. Now, there will be times where I will go all out (see: the chaos and soul finale with its 45-page script in a series averaging 30) but overall, making sure I limit myself makes sure I keep the good bits and trim out the bits that may, at the end of the day, be not so good. Kill your darlings wins once again! But yes, that does mean that there are many cut scene and episode concepts that will never see the light of day. They rot in my brain and I will get them out SOMEWHERE. Branching off from that, being able to reuse fic and scene concepts that never reached the light of day in new contexts is wonderfully helpful when it comes to getting words on a page. Often when writing I find myself playing out a scene that ends up beat-for-beat something I came up with before and was never able to fit anywhere. Those things you cut never truly leave you behind, and writing them down somewhere or plain ol' memorising them is always a good idea! You never know when they may crop up again!

Jeez they were tough questions Skye you're puttin me through the wringer. But from you I'd expect nothing less.

[struggling-burnout-perfectionist]

Dreamer

You ask about the nature of the glass:

Is it half-empty

Or is it half-full?

What’s your take on this age-old debate?

Be warned, however, the outcome is clear

And your personality so dear

Is not yours to judge:

Half-empty and you fail to see opportunities dimly outlined in hope;

Half-full and you wait for life to replenish possibilities that might never spring up.

You talk of a light at the end of the tunnel,

Which you introduce as being either salvation

Or being death, being another train with lamps all too bright.

Which do you see?

What is your interpretation?

Your choice, whichever it is, decides your fate

And your outlook in life.

No pressure, none of that, but choose wisely

Whether you would risk heavy delusion or morbid extremes.

You ask about the state of mind,

Are you an optimist

Or a pessimist?

Are you shrouded in hopes or blanketed in doubts?

Be warned, of course, your choice

Shall cause no-one to rejoice.

Be warned, of course, you can’t spoil the mood

Nor can you be delusional with your thoughts of grandeur.

I mean, you would probably tell me that I have to fit into one of the boxes,

Snuggle, however tightly, hugging my legs in a single category.

After all, it’s all black and white:

There is no grey.

Please remember that it’s either yes

Or it is no,

Without any hesitation nor any debates.

Do I see the glass half-empty

Or do I see it half-full?

I mean, that’s clearly the most pertinent question

Rather than asking whether it was being filled

Or whether it was being drunk,

As well as whether multiple people are thirsty,

Whether it is truly water in that cup

And the particular size of a portion or a drink.

Is the light the end of the tunnel

Or is it an upcoming train?

Don’t care about the context,

Why one would be in that tunnel,

Whether the light is moving

And if there’s the sound of an engine.

That’s not relevant, that’s not the question.

I am begging you, please tell me now,

Why do you care which of the two I am?

You say that I am a pessimist, that I have negative thinking patterns

And that I need to lighten up and not hold myself to such standards.

I say that my depression is significant but does not define my entire nature,

That my pessimism is a coping mechanism for the complexity of life.

You say, however interesting that sounds, I am still a pessimist at heart

And that it is a problem that could easily exacerbate

Into a realm of unknown that neither of us are prepared to seek.

I see your point, loud and clear,

Laughing and joking, I agree with your jeers.

Meanwhile my heart strenuously decides to continue beating,

Depleted of any such resistance to conflict.

Contemplating further, it is important to note that

I have big dreams, massive ambitions and thoughts I shall forever hold dear.

Does that make me delusional or an optimist?

I’m scared, I’m quaking, I can’t believe in such dreams.

Is it pessimism or just low self-esteem?

I think, overall, what you don’t understand

Is that I am an idealist at heart,

Who wants to change the world

And make a difference

And achieve all of my goals in life

And all of my wildest dreams.

I think, all considered, you won’t understand

That my pessimism and my pessimistic attitude

Are a part of who I am,

Without being inherent within my nature

And without meaning that I don’t have dreams and refuse to ever see the best.

Don’t you see the implications of what you are saying?

I clearly do have dreams,

Irrational and unhoped for as they might seem,

But hoping for them will only bring me pain:

Try being a disappointment,

Never wanted, always cast away, never achieving anything and constantly messing up.

Try for something, with all your heart and all your might,

Preparing yourself only to succeed.

Disappointment is the fate you shall achieve.

You see, you and I might have different approaches when it comes to possibilities of greatness,

But I have quite some mountains to climb and a limited reserve of hope,

So don't blame me if I wish to protect myself

Once and for all, for the rest of my life,

From the constant disappointment of being me.

[darrylayo]

My friend is in Thailand and is sending photos to me every so often. Apparently rice in real life is exactly like rice in Stardew Valley! That’s so cute 😊

How are you all doing today?

I’ve been fussing with various desires for projects. The best way to be fussy in a productive way is to open up my gallery in Procreate and just let my mind wander across the thumbnails and choose whichever to work on just based on immediate temperament. “Oh, I can go and tighten up that arm,” or “yknow, now that I think about it, I can sketch a background layer for this one.” This helps to avoid creative block on an image because if one drawing isn’t calling out to me, I can productively give my energy to a different drawing that is. Rather than just staring hopelessly at one frustrating sketch.

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“My new fall coat’s got strange powers/ when I’m with it, I know I am not the same without it”

Cold weather is nice.

I can easily fit a book into my coat pocket and that is a gamechanger for traveling around the city (to work, to a friend’s house, et cetera). It feels nice to have two pieces of life that fit together seamlessly. Today’s reading is from The Gospel of Judas, from The Apocryphal Gospels. I picked up a copy last week and it’s fascinating to learn about the parts of Christianity that didn’t make it into the canon. Anyway, Jesus pulls his friend Judas aside and shows him the mysteries of the universe and the fate of the world. Then he leaves Judas to his role in the affair.

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I do a lot of my drawing these days on the iPad. Despite its portability, I prefer to keep it in one spot. In the way that my brain works, it’s helpful to link a task to a location and a physical context. In my bedroom, at my little desk next to my bed—that is the home of my digital art practice. When something has too many options, my mind goes into all possible possibilities and accomplishes nothing. When the option has been preselected, each space becomes “the house of” a task. My small desk is the house of drawing digitally. The large desk (attic) is the house of drawing on the drafting table. It’s clarifying; it helps me to keep my focus.

Just so, the cold half of the year is the house of carrying a book that fits into my coat pocket.

Anyway, here’s a sketch I made in Procreate:

[entrederivas]

Funny Girl

In the eyes of many, I am what they call a high flyer. I’ve made something of myself. I’m more successful now, maybe even richer. My English is better—noticeably better. It’s refined, deliberate. I’ve shaped it to be clear, smooth, unaccented. Western. If you closed your eyes and heard me speak, you might think I grew up in the United States. I have that unmistakable twang, that well-trained rise and fall in tone.

But the truth is—I’ve never been there. I’ve never even set foot on American soil.

What I am is a functioning polyglot. I carry two Filipino languages in my bones—Bisaya and Tagalog—one learned at home, one learned in school, both layered into me since childhood . I move through English at a C2 level, with ease and grace, because it’s the language that gave me room to expand. I’ve studied Spanish enough to carry myself in conversation, and Mandarin floats at the edges of my memory from two long, effortful years of study. My brain doesn’t cling to just one world—it’s learned to switch, to adapt. It has developed what I can only describe as a kind of inter-culturality. A mental agility. I don’t just speak languages; I speak contexts. I read rooms. I shift between cultures, wearing whichever identity fits best—or threatens least—in any given moment.

And sometimes, I wonder if I’ve shifted too far. I wonder if I’ve crossed a line that makes me feel distant from my own people. Too Western, they say. Too liberated. Too sharp-tongued, too unafraid. Too much. I started to feel it myself—that ache of not being able to fully belong. So, I tried to close the gap. I went back to the culture I feared I had drifted from. I watched more Filipino media. I immersed myself again in Tagalog and Bisaya—not just to understand, but to feel. I memorized lines from sitcoms, soaked in songs on loop.

I wanted to understand the jokes. I wanted to laugh with people, not after them. I wanted to feel like I was speaking with them, not at them.

They told me I was a funny girl. In the context of being Filipino—I am.

But when I switch back to English, something else happens. The words come faster. The thoughts are clearer. I’m more precise. More articulate. I express myself better in English, and I know it. It’s the language I argue in. It’s the language I cry in when no one’s listening. It’s the language I use when I need to make myself heard without apology.

My English is so good that I married an Englishman. When we argue, when emotions run high, I don’t stumble. My fluency sharpens. My tongue does not falter. “You’re not really Filipino,” he says sometimes—not with cruelty, but as a description. “Your values… your thinking… you’re more Western than you are Filipino.”

Others have said the same thing. And every time, it slices a little differently.

As if I am not one person. As if I am two. Split. Compartmentalized. As if the versions of myself are separate containers I pour into depending on the room I’m in.

But I don’t see it that way. This is not duplicity—it is survival. It’s my mind doing what it has always done: adapting, negotiating, trying to find the safest place to land. Saying what needs to be said. Speaking in the language that people will take seriously. Becoming what is most believable in the moment.

Sometimes I wonder if this is just the legacy of colonialism. This instinct to be pliable. This learned desire to please, to bend, to become whatever version of myself others can accept. Sometimes it feels like servitude dressed up as sophistication.

And I grieve that.

Because how sad it is—that even as a young, successful, and dare I say, bright woman from the Philippines—here, in the city where I live now, in Taipei—when I say, I’m Filipino, people fall silent. It’s subtle, but I see it. I feel it. The shift in posture, the pause in conversation, the soft recoil of expectation.

Because in this place, “Filipino” carries a label that doesn’t belong to me, but sticks to me anyway.

Here, we are seen as caretakers. Housekeepers. Factory workers. Illegals. Underpaid teachers shuttled from one cram school to the next. The loud ones crowding Zhongshan Street on weekends, carrying remittance envelopes and karaoke dreams. We are background noise. Disposable labor. A tolerated presence.

And when I walk into the Filipino corner store, when I quietly buy Silver Swan soy sauce, I feel myself become invisible. No accent. No polish. No C2-level anything. I am just another body among the many. Just another annoying Filipino.

I carry that invisibility with me.

Even when I speak fluently. Even when I earn well. Even when I hold degrees and visas and a western surname. Even when I speak Spanish or smile politely in Mandarin, or write essays like this one.

I carry the shame that was never mine to begin with. And this shame—it is deep. It doesn’t just sit on the surface of my skin; it seeps into the parts of me that I wish could be proud. It catches in my throat whenever someone tries to guess where I’m from. I smile, politely, tightly—bracing.

My mind races. Please don’t say it. Please don’t guess it. Please, oh god, don’t say you think I’m Filipino.

Because once they know, the story shifts. The shape I take in their eyes changes. Suddenly I am no longer the funny girl with the perfect English or the clever one who navigates cultures with ease. Suddenly I become someone else. Someone smaller. Simpler. Easier to categorize.

The other day, I spoke to another Englishman—a friend of my husband’s. We were talking casually, light conversation, until he mentioned how he once had Filipinos clean his apartment. “They do such a good job,” he said. “There were four of them. They even wiped down the walls. I paid cheap. They work very hard.”

They. As if I am not one of them.

As if I am standing safely outside the story he’s telling.

But I’m not.

I am them. I am of them. I carry their blood, their laughter, their language. And yet, in that moment, I was just a third body in the room—something neutral. Something disassociated. It felt strange, almost surreal, to hear my people spoken about that way. Admired, yes, but only in the way one admires a service. A convenience. An efficiency.

He meant it as a compliment.

But it landed like an erasure.

And in that moment, I felt stripped. Exposed. As if all the languages I had learned, all the accents I had refined, all the jokes I could tell—they didn’t matter. Because before I am anything else, I am Filipino. And to many, that means one thing.

Subservient. Cheap. Grateful to be here.

But I refuse to let this be the ending to our story.

Because the narrative doesn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t have to be this way.

And I am tired—so tired—of having to prove, again and again, that being Filipino does not mean being small.

Being Filipino can mean so much more.

It can mean me.

Someone working hard—not to be better than my own people, but better than the limits the world keeps placing on us. Someone who has learned to speak the language of power while still humming the songs of home. Someone trying, every day, to be more than what the label suggests.

In the distance, thousands of miles away, around the globe, Filipinos leave the country of their birth—not because they do not love it, but because it has failed to love them back in the ways they deserve. We leave to survive. To send money home. To seek something less cruel than what we’ve known. We scatter ourselves across the world like seeds—planting care, labor, strength, warmth.

And slowly, after years of being erased, we begin to draw ourselves back in. We fill in the lines. We reclaim the shape of who we are. We color our bodies back into the self-portrait of the world—not as background, but as subjects. As people who belong.

We are still here.