#... it’s like those people who are like ‘do you believe in sex before marriage?’

[jiminscockr1ng]

hi! i love your works. can i put in a request? joon or jk x reader. arranged marriage. breeding kink and pregnancy scare. thank you for your service🫡🙏🏾

✩｡°𝄞🍼 TRY AGAIN✨𝄞°｡✩

╝ requested / one-shot ╔

╰ ₊ 𓂂➢ pairing: namjoon x fem!reader

╰ ₊ 𓂂➢ genre: arranged marriage au, smut, angst, a little fluff.

╰ ₊ 𓂂➢ warn!ngs: breeding kink, pregnancy scare, mentions (suggestive) of infidelity, degradation (usage of slut), reader is a brat, reader has a high libido, oral (namjoon and reader), squirting, unprotected sex, mentions of birth control, spanking, hair pulling, rough sex, negative pregnancy test, mention of (trying for) children. (let me know if there’s more!)

╰ ₊ 𓂂➢ summary: your arranged husband punishes you after causing a scene and acting like a brat.

╰ ₊ 𓂂➢ word count: 3,765 words

The sounds of slapping bounces off of the walls like gun shots. Your face is buried into the large fluffy pillows on your king sized bed with your ass raised in the air. Giving Namjoon, your husband, the perfect access to spank your behind.

When the sharp, burning, sting— a millisecond of pain and pleasure is inflicted upon your ass again you let out a whimper into the black silk pillow. As the indecent sounds exit your mouth, Namjoon couldn’t stop the depraved thoughts that battle their way through his mind. You just looked so fucking sexy. So vulnerable and submissive before him, he could just eat you whole right now.

But that wouldn’t be right, now would it? After all, you were a bad girl. You brought this on yourself.

You didn’t think Namjoon would just forget about the way you rubbed your ass against that man on the dance floor? No. He’s not that graceful. You’re his wife, for god sakes. Even if you didn’t take this arranged marriage serious, he must show you that he is. He is taking this very seriously.

“Do you know how embarrassing it is to have people asking if the woman causing a scene on the floor is my wife? Huh?” He begrudgingly asks, caressing your ass that is two slaps away from bruising.

You deserved it, the way you seductively eyed him while dancing on another man replays in his mind. He best not be fooled by your little innocent and submissive act right now, you whimpering and whining. He knows you’re a brat.

When his parents first introduced you to him, he knew he’d eventually fall for you. Despite the distasteful you held on your face that entire meeting. You didn’t approve of the arrangement, Namjoon knew that. So he gave you space. But of course, one thing leads to another. Especially when you’re flew out to Italy for a honeymoon, a villa all to yourselves. If you recall correctly, you believe the two of you fucked in all 8 rooms. Plus the kitchen… and the bathroom… the couch, the garden, the pool, the arcade room— damn there everywhere.

Needless to say, Namjoon has been pussy whipped ever since. Becoming helpful, loving and caring— all the amazing qualities one could find in a husband. Along with those qualities, he grew possessive over you, rightfully so, you’re his wife. But it seems like regardless of anything he did, you still seemed to show little to no care for the man. Except for what was between his legs. Because babes, the dick is bomb!

Recently Namjoon has been depriving you from the ‘bomb dick’. So you did what any brat would do. You acted out. Unfortunately for Namjoon, that led to complete and utter embarrassment, displayed in front of all of his friends at a work event. But who cares about that, right?!

Because fortunately for you, Namjoon is spewing all kinds of sexy little insults at you, dirty talking your panties right off.

“Do you enjoy being a fucking slut?” Another slap is planted on your ass. You let out a gasp before biting down on your bottom lip. Useless, as to when he grabs a handful of your hair, roughly yanking it back, your mouth falls agape.

“You like that shit, huh?” You eagerly nod your head, so high off of the thought of getting fucked up. This is exactly what you wanted. Namjoon always gives you exactly what you want.

You strain yourself forward to close in on his lips. His lips wraps around yours as you share a sloppy kiss. Your teeth graze his bottom lip as you pull back. What you do next makes Namjoon lose his shit.

You giggle.

Like actually fucking giggle in his face. Without thinking, he grabs your face, pulling you back in for a hot yet desperate kiss. Namjoon’s eyes furrow into it, trying to get some sort of understanding. He needs to understand how you do it. How you act so heinous one second and then so admirable the next. Even now, you’re submitting to him. But Namjoon knows more than anyone that you have him wrapped around your cute little finger.

The hold on your face doesn’t leave as Namjoon roughly pulls away to marvel in your beauty. Your gorgeously melanated skin, your two toned lips, and those big brown almond eyes he willingly falls victim to. There’s a smirk that plasters on your face that Namjoon doesn’t miss.

“Am I being a good little slut for you?” Namjoon couldn’t hide his widened eyes. He’s angry— completely enraged, you mustn’t forget. But as usual, he gives in. Because you’re in control. “Fuck yes.” He whispers out before flipping you over, absolutely manhandling you. Your figure bounces on the bed as Namjoon hovers over you.

“You don’t even know just how crazy you make me.” He mutters in your ear. Your hands wrap around his neck, fingers traveling through his short blonde locks. “Show me.” You lick at his jawline, slowly nibbling on the chiseled edge. “Show me how crazy I make you, baby.”

Without a second to waste, Namjoon lifts up, attacking the buttons of his black dress pants. He slips them down to his ankles along with his briefs, kicking them off to the floor. The thick, long, pink tipped length you desire is revealed. You lick your lips just to make sure you aren’t drooling. He gives his length a few pumps before his hands are replaced with yours. This is what you’ve been begging for, what you desired and needed inside of you for weeks.

Hell, you even danced on some random middle aged man just to get it. You love it! Namjoon would battle that you love it more than its owner. Especially the way you kiss the tip. Like you’re finally meeting the love of your life after years of being apart. Namjoon breath is shaky when he exhales. Your lips wrap around his tip, you close your eyes and let out a moan, sending vibrations through his dick. “Don’t tease.” He says sternly. And you look up at him, his tip still resting in your mouth.

You look absolutely angelic. The way your big doe eyes innocently look up at him with his dick in your mouth. He could just cum at this image alone. “I’m sorry, baby.” You say with a feigned apologetic tone and expression.

Even if you aren’t sorry, Namjoon is immediately relieved once you take his whole length in your mouth. Your nose touching his lower stomach as you slightly choke. The little gag reflex doesn’t stop you from showing your love to the pretty dick. Namjoon lets out low pitched moans as you continue to attack his length, your performance growing messy. Something you quite liked. What can you say? You’re a proud slut.

But still a brat. You back away from Namjoon’s dick, resting yourself on your elbows that are propped up behind you. Namjoon lets out a groan at the abandonment of your mouth. Instead, you spread your legs, quickly slipping off the soaked black thong you were sporting.

“Look,” you say as your hands reach for your wet cunt— fully exposed, you slip your fingers through before showing them to the man before you. “Look how wet you make me.” You say and you can see Namjoon’s dick twitch at that. You slip your coated digits in your mouth, sucking off your own arousal.

Namjoon is actually fucking shook by your pornographic performance. He knew you had a high libido but damn… he think you might even have him beat.

“You want to taste— or you gonna just keep kneeling in front of me.” You raised a brow, growing impatient. Namjoon is in utter disbelief that you’re his wife. He doesn’t know what he did in his past life to get so lucky. Yet, due to the circumstances, he can’t quite figure out whether he is or not. He shakes away his thoughts, though. He can’t ignore the highly appetizing meal that glistens in front of him right now. The meal he dives into.

His tongue ventures through your folds, mouth sucking on your swollen clit. You throw your head back as Namjoon’s mouth brings you the familiar pleasure that you have wholeheartedly missed. He enters two digits inside of you as his tongue flicked at your clit. You grasp onto his blonde hair as he eats your pussy out like no man ever has. “Fuck yes! Just like that.” Namjoon holds your thigh with his free hand, spreading them wider. His fingers move faster inside of you and you can feel yourself growing closer. You scream out an excessive amount of “yes”s and eventually squirt in his mouth.

Namjoon freezes as you release— not once but twice into his mouth. He looks at the way your chest heaves up and down. That wasn’t enough for him. He needed to be inside of you now. Without any warning, Namjoon slips his dick into your sex, slowly stretching your pussy out. Your legs shake as he makes his way through. “You feel so fucking good.” He mumbles as he thrusts into your pussy again.

The pace almost instantly quickens, the hunger and need from both of you takes over. “I missed your dick so much.” You say as you trail your hands up his chest, caressing over his thickly defined pecks. “Mhn— you’re such a fucking slut. Causing a scene just to get my dick inside of you.” He grabs your hands and places them above your head, restraining you from touching him.

“You feel so good inside of me— ah!” You moan out as Namjoon thrusts deeper inside of your wet pussy. “Fuh— faster, please!” You beg and Namjoon continues to thrust deeper inside of you.

“You’re begging now?” He mocks. It’s quite entertaining to see, actually. He bends down to grab your face, slowing the pace down to tease you even more. “Oh, you don’t like that, do you?” You desperately shake your head. “Beg me to go faster.” Stubbornly, you stay quiet as your pussy aches around his length that slowly strokes inside of you. His lips rest just above yours. “Come on,” he murmurs softly against your lips.” “I wanna hear my little slut beg for dick.” You moan at his words, growing even more aroused.

“Please Joon.” You bite your lip as the grip on your jaw grows tighter. “Please fuck me faster! I— I need your dick.” You beg.

And just like that— you should’ve braced yourself. Namjoon slams his dick inside of your tight hole. Your body jerks at each thrusts. You scream out as Namjoon abuses your tiny cunt. Your screams could be heard throughout the whole two story house.

You look up at Namjoon who is hovering over you while slamming his dick into you. He looks so sexy the way his blonde hair clings onto his dampened face. The sweat trickling down the sides of his face. The sounds of your skin clapping together and the arousal from your pussy lapping up around his dick is sending you over the edge. You feel yourself growing close again.

Namjoon pulls your legs over his shoulders as he fucks into you. You’re completely fucked out— your eyes roll to the back of your head as you feel Namjoon hit your spot. You don’t even notice when he attaches his lips onto yours again. You feel yourself unraveling underneath him.

“I’m gonna— mm” You say against his lips. Namjoon nods, breathing heavily. “Cum for me.” He slurs and on command you release yourself around his dick. Namjoon lifts up, still thrusting himself into you. You can feel his dick twitch inside of your pussy, signaling his high.

“Cum inside of me.” You say, eagerly. He looks down at you with an uncertain expression but you nod your head. “Please, cum inside of my pussy.” You whine and Namjoon groans at the sound of your begging. “Fuck.”

Immediately, you feel the warm, sticky, drags of cum release inside of you. You moan at the feeling. He doesn’t pull out. Instead, his chest meet yours and the two of you share another erotic kiss.

It’s been two weeks since that night Namjoon had fucked your brains out. Ever since that night, he hasn’t touched you. Most likely still angry about the events that occurred before he fucked your brains out. Rightfully so— even you can admit that you crossed the line that night. Did you mention he fucked your brains out?

Nevertheless, you have bigger fish to fry. You’re late on your period. You should’ve gotten it a few days ago but the red flood never showed.

Yes, you’re on birth control. Still, inevitably you miss a few days because of your inconsistent schedule so it may not be that effective. Especially not when you beg your husband to cum inside of you.

You wince at the thought as you rest your head on the bathroom door. A few hours ago you went to go pick up a few pregnancy tests from the store. You can’t help but overthink while you wait for the stick you just peed on to tell you whether or not you’re pregnant. You try to imagine the possibility of becoming a mother, how you would act and how you’d speak. How Namjoon would react when you tell him you’re pregnant. Him as a father.

You’re immediately snapped out of your thoughts when you hear the front door slam.

Namjoon’s home.

Your heart rate immediately increases and you pray that he’ll continue ignoring your existence just like he has the past two weeks.

It seems that god is not on your side because you can clearly hear his footsteps approaching the bathroom. Of course he has to go to the bathroom. You just want to cry but that wouldn’t be much help either.

The door handle to the bathroom turns but doesn’t open. The lock on the door stopping him from entering. After a few seconds, he knocks. You flinch at the sound, looking around the bathroom for a way out. Obviously, at a loss when u realize that you’re trapped inside the four walls.

“_______, open the door I have to use the bathroom.” You hear him say behind the door. You look at the pregnancy test on the sink to see that nothing has changed. You silently curse to yourself. Why the fuck is this piss stick taking so long.

“_______.” You hear your name again, along with a few knocks. “I— I’m using the bathroom.” There’s a sigh on the other side of the door. “Well, can you hurry? I’m about to piss myself.” He adds, impatiently to which you roll your eyes.

“Use the guest bathroom!” You shout defensively. Due to you being on the other side of the door, you can’t see the way Namjoon’s brows furrow together. You two never use the guest bathroom even if someone is taking a shit. It’s like an unspoken rule.

“I swear to god _______, open the door. I’ve seen you shitting like a thousand times already.” It’s true, you really couldn’t care less what Namjoon had to say about your smelly poop. Unlike Namjoon who would beg you to leave. But you’re running out of excuses.

“Namjoon, fucking— ugh! Just go to the other bathroom!” You spaz and Namjoon is left with only one thought.

“Is there someone in there with you?” He asks and when you grow silent he makes up his mind. You honestly didn’t know what to say, you were taken aback. How could he think so lowly of you?

“You brought a man into our house _______?” The sound of his voice is a mixture of hurt and anger. And maybe you would feel bad for the man if you weren’t too busy trying to pick your jaw up off the floor. Because… how dare he?

“What the fuck are you talking about? Why would I bring someone into our house?!” You’re pissed that he would even think you would do some shady shit like that. I mean yes, shaking ass on another man in front of his coworkers is bad but bringing another man into your house while he’s gone… that’s fucking low. Even for you.

“Why?” He mockingly repeats before letting out an unhumorous laugh. “Because you don’t want to be in this marriage, that’s why! I wouldn’t be surprised if you brought someone here just to rub that shit in my face.” You angrily swing the door open, absolutely not giving a shit about the stupid pregnancy test on the bathroom sink. You are livid and now Namjoon is going to hear your mouth. Face to face.

“As much as I don’t want to be in the marriage I still have respect for you and I would never bring anyone into this house.” You shout at him. The man is way taller than you but somehow you’re still all up in his face.

“I don’t even know where you would get that idea from. Unless you had another woman in our house.” You fold your arms over your chest. Okay… you knew Namjoon would never bring another woman into this house. You just had to give him a taste of his own medicine. And the expression on his face is so worth it.

“I would never do that to you.” He says, more reassuring than defensive. “I’m the one who is always desperately trying to make this marriage work. I want this to work.” His voice turns soft and he steps closer to you to grab your hands. You couldn’t even be angry at him. Not when he’s right.

You see how hard he’s trying everyday to get through to you. However, you can’t help but be angry. You didn’t want this marriage and you know it’s not his fault but hell… someone had to be at fault. So you take your anger out on him. Looking up at the man you can’t help but feel bad.

“Look,” he says. “I’m sorry for accusing you of bringing someone here— that was fucked up and I shouldn’t have taken it there. I’m just… a little insecure right now and that’s something that I need to work on.” His explanation makes you want to shower him with kisses and hugs. There’s no way you’ve made this man think lowly of himself. The man is absolutely breathtaking and could have anyone he wanted.

If the circumstances were different you would’ve approached him anyway. He’s exactly the type of man you always wanted in your life.

“Don’t apologize.” You focus your eyes on the ground. “It’s my fault, I’ve been acting really bitchy and giving you a hard time.” Your eyes finally meet his again and there’s nothing but disbelief behind them. He doesn’t even think he’s hearing you correctly. There’s no way you’re apologizing.

“You don’t have to work on anything— you’re perfect, Namjoon. I… have to work on being a better wife.” Namjoon swears he hears fireworks going off somewhere. He doesn’t even think before pulling you into a tight hug. Completely forgetting about the urine that was previously begging to be released. And you forget all about the stupid pregnancy test that rests on the sink.

Until Namjoon see’s it. He hesitantly pulls back from the hug, looking as if he seen a ghost. “Joon, what’s wrong?” You ask, worried that there actually might be ghosts in your house. That’d be a real bummer— this house costed a fortune.

“You’re pregnant?” He mindlessly say, still eyeing the pregnancy test on the sink. Your heart drops at the words, eye widening. “I am?!” In an instant you turn around to check the stick. Picking you up you notice the red line going through it.

Only one red line.

You stare at that line for a moment, feeling disappointed for some reason. You waited for what felt like ages for the test to process. Thinking of the future and what type of mother you’d be, how Namjoon would be an amazing father. And it’s negative.

“It’s negative.” You say and Namjoon can’t make out your emotion. You throw the stick out in the waste bin before spinning around the face Namjoon. “I guess we don’t have to worry about the giving the whole abortion talk.” You lamely say before letting out a strained laugh. Namjoon eyebrows furrow at that.

“You wanted to have an abortion?” He sounds disappointed. He would never stop you from having an abortion— it’s not his place. But the thought of you not wanting to have a child with him did kind of hurt.

You shake your head at Namjoon’s question. “No it’s not that. I just assumed… you know.” You awkwardly fidget with your hands as you try to find your words. “I didn’t think you’d want to have a child so soon.” Shrugging your shoulders, you let out another strained laugh, much to Namjoon’s dismay.

“That’s not funny, _______” His expression is serious. “This is why we need to communicate. I’ve always wanted children— I’d want nothing more than to have a child with you _______” He speaks sincerely and you swear you could burst into tears right now.

You place your hands on his cheeks to pull him down for a kiss. It’s not rough, titillating, or sloppy. It’s a kiss filled with passion and for once there’s a speckle of joy in there. You felt safe and secure in Namjoon’s arms. Your husband. A man you don’t quite love yet but you definitely like him. And you’re willing to love him— to fall in love with him.

Namjoon pulls away to catch his breath. You couldn’t help but smile up at your gorgeous husband. “Thank you… for saying that Namjoon. For everything, honestly.” The blonde haired man is smiling from ear to ear. He couldn’t control the wholehearted happiness he felt— it’s floating along with his aura.

“Mmm, thank you for saying you’ll have my kids.” He says, his smile widens as you let out a little laugh. The dimples in his cheeks so prominent you wanna bite them. “The test is negative, Joon.” You remind him. Just in case he forgot from all of the cheesing and giggling he’s doing.

As if he couldn’t express his euphoric excitement any more than he already has, he picks your body up into his strong arms. His hands resting underneath your thighs as he walks you to the bedroom, his lips on yours.

You pull away, not without letting a goofy little giggle leave your mouth. “What are you doing?” You ask, in complete oblivion. Namjoon smiles at you before quickly pecking your lips.

“We’re gonna TRY AGAIN.”

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[lurochar]

Racy Reverie

In response to this ask

18+ MDNI

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“Finally, you don't know how much I need this!”

You smiled at Angel Dust, who collapsed on the opposite side of the couch from you. “I don't mind talking about your job if you need to, Angel.”

“You sure ‘bout that, Toots?” Angel Dust snickered at you, but then sighed almost wearily. “Not sure why you're the only one willing ta listen to me after a hard day, ya know? I mean, everyone in this hotel is a secret freak, right?”

You blinked.

“Little Miss Sunshine and Vagina – you've heard them go at it when they forget to put up their soundproof barrier, huh? Like damn, wonder who's using the strap there?”

That was true, they were quite loud when they failed to remember that important little detail.

“And c’mon, ya think that pussycat wasn't drowning in pussy himself back when he was an Overlord? Or maybe he likes cock better? I can’t tell with that guy. He’s got a good poker face, I can tell you that much.”

Honestly, you had no idea either which gender Husk preferred – he would probably choose a bottle of booze rather than a warm body if you had to guess.

“And Snakes? He has two dicks. Nuff said about that. And he calls me the whorebug?” Angel Dust scoffed. “And Niffty? Uhh, yeah, let’s… let’s just not get into her little mind of horrors.”

Well said.

“And so,” Angel Dust glanced up, a frisky smile suddenly gracing his face, “that just leaves you and Smiles. Spill, Toots. No need to be shy ‘round me. Don’t hold anything back. Everyone here knows you’re both a ‘thing’. Mr. Tall, Dark, and Creepy is into some fucking weird shit, isn’t he?”

You bit the inside of your cheek. “Alastor… isn’t–” You struggled to put it into exact words. “He doesn’t, well…” You scratched the side of your head in frustration.

“Ah, is he pulling the whole ‘proper gentleman’ bullshit? Doing the courting thing?” Angel Dust shrugged. “I remember you mentioning he died in the ‘30s or something? Does he really believe in the ‘no sex before marriage’ crap? Cuz let me tell ya, I died not that long after that, people weren’t as proper as you’d like to think they were back then.”

You glanced away. “Maybe… that’s a part of it.” You knew Alastor had little interest in the more intimate aspects of a relationship and he had admitted to you he had never done anything with anyone in either his mortal life and afterlife.

Of course you desired to touch him and for him to touch you beyond his own little affections – usually him placing his hand on the small of your back and perhaps a kiss on your forehead.

Alastor was not an affectionate man and you knew that going in and you respected that, but he had never outright told you it would never happen and so you could only hope it may happen one day.

“But this is about you! I said I would listen, you had a tough day, right?” You said quickly, earning a sympathetic look from Angel Dust, but he got the message to change the subject back to himself.

“Bleh, yeah, you got that right! Val’s into this thing called ‘bukkake’ right now, ever heard of that?” He earned a shake of your head. “It’s some Asian shit. It’s where multiple guys cum on you. So I’ve got like twenty Hellhounds cumming on my face – and fuck, dunno if you watch porn or not, but the loads some of those dogs are packing! Felt like I was fuckin’ drowning–”

Your face felt hot and Angel Dust’s voice felt distant as you unconsciously squeezed your thighs together. You weren’t a virgin, but you weren’t exactly swimming in experience either as you only had a few sexual encounters in life and none had involved… that.

What would it be like, Alastor cumming on your face?

Would you be on your knees in front of him? On a bed beneath him? Would he stroke himself to completion or would you use your mouth? Would he call you endearing pet names or be degrading towards you?

Oh fuck– 

“Hey, Toots! Still there?” Angel Dust broke you out of your fantasizing and you jumped, blinking and feeling your face burn with sheer embarrassment. “Shit, was that too much?”

“No, no!” You tried to wave it off like you weren’t affected. “I-it’s fine! You can continue!” You swallowed thickly.

“Nah, don’t worry ‘bout it. I think I got what I needed off my chest. Thanks for listening to me, Toots.” Angel Dust stood up from the couch. “Wanna get a drink with me?”

You could definitely use a drink right about now. “Yes. Yes, I would.” You got up, heading over to the bar with Angel Dust.

Neither of you noticed the shadow listening in.

[amourtoken]

so I literally cannot stop thinking abt this here u go

god kink Noah and softie Christian reader

I already know I'm going to hell so no need to remind me ik this is filth but that's what's fun abt it also basing the looks of the building off of this big ass church I used to go to and it's very weird and industrial so apologies if it's confusing

*NSFW below the cut, MDNI*

cw: sacrilege lmao, degradation, raw sex, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, Noah kinda thinks he's better than everyone else, maybe bc he thinks he's God idk, corruption, loss of virginity, experienced Noah, dirty talk, slightly public, belly bulge, dacryphilia

♡ Noah's only at church cause he has to be, otherwise why the fuck would he waste his morning here. He sits through the awful music and wonders how all of these people live such a lie, its pathetic to him. The only thing that makes it bearable is the pretty little thing in the little white sundress that never fails to show up every Sunday.

♡ he thinks you're so cute. Brainwashed, but cute. All he ever thinks abt is how he could desecrate you and how you'd look so much prettier worshipping him.

♡ Noah is damn near your exact opposite, covered in tattoos, always wearing dark colors. He never really talks to anyone either, keeping to himself. You'd say he was miserable if you didn't see his face soften a little every time you catch his eye. You try to make a point and interact with him every chance you get, maybe he's lonely? You can't let that happen. He's the worship leader's son, you'd think he'd be having a better time but who knows what's going through his head.

♡ Noah almost feels bad that he can't keep his thoughts in order when you walk up to him, pretty smile plastered on your face. You're chattering about today's service and he's picturing his hands on your hips, fingers digging into the soft skin while he bucks up into you and gets to hear those pretty little noises he's sure you'd make. All he'd have to do is pull your dress up too, it'd be easy. He's nodding along with your conversation and trying to seem interested but it's getting harder and harder to pretend he's listening.

♡ his eyes drifting to the neckline of your dress which is pretty modest but God he'd be able to pull it down so easy, tease your nipples while you grind yourself on his thigh and whine for him to fill you up. His eyes snap back to your face which is etched with concern.

"Noah, are you feeling alright? You seem out of it."

♡ he could lie, but what's the point. Isn't lying a sin?

"I'm fine. Just thinking about how pretty you'd look split on my cock."

♡ did he really say that??? You weren't sure how to even respond. Or if you should at all. You were flushed down to your chest and Noah admired the pretty pink tinge to your skin. He was almost nervous he'd fucked up but he knew what to say to have you following him like a little sheep. If you can sit through service every week and genuinely believe the shit his father is saying, you'll do anything if it's said in the right tone.

"Bet you've never even fucked before, have you? Saving yourself for marriage and all that bullshit. You know I could make you feel good, you should let me show you."

♡ you're still stunned, standing like a little deer in some headlights. You'd be lying if you said you didn't find Noah attractive but you felt like he wasn't in the cards for you. He's everything you're not, but maybe that's what's so enticing about him. How he talked about your beliefs stung a little but you couldn't help the way your thighs pressed together at the thought of him and his suggestion. He'd never hurt you, right? You can trust him, why would he wrong you?

♡ Noah nodded toward one of the exit doors, turning to leave and hoping you'd follow. You nearly tripped over your own feet trying to catch up with him. Your brain felt fuzzy and you knew whatever he was gonna put you through was horrifically sinful but you can be forgiven for being curious, right? Noah locked the door behind you, leaving you both in an empty stairwell. Hopefully no one tried to interrupt the two of you, because Noah was immediately to work. He walked you backwards until your back was pressed to the concrete wall and he tangled his fingers in your hair, pulling until you whimpered and keened against his hand for some relief.

"The only fucking God in this building is me. I expect you to treat me like such."

"You answer to me, and you follow my fucking directions, yeah? Gonna be a good girl and do what I say?"

♡ you felt your heart race terribly in your chest from how close he was, you felt like a prey animal being stalked by a predator. You really didn't know what to expect, you've never done this before. You shouldn't be doing this at all...what have you gotten yourself into...

♡ Noah surprisingly sinks to his knees in front of you, hands brushing at your knees and sliding up your thighs, hiking up your dress as he goes. His long fingers hooked under the waistband of your panties to tug them down and he threw one of your legs over his shoulder, without warning burying his face in your pussy making you yelp and tangle your fingers in his hair for some balance.

(Something like this yk)

♡ you pulled his hair tightly between your fingers, whining while he lapped at your pussy and groaned against you when you pulled a little too hard. You felt pricks of pins and needles all over your body, it felt like a swarm of butterflies populated your lower stomach. Oh god...one of his hands steadied itself on your thigh but the other slid up to glide between your folds, gathering the slick mess before prodding at your entrance making you squirm. He was right, you hadn't done this before. He wanted you to enjoy yourself though, that's why he was taking the time to stretch you out and make you cum, so you could actually take his cock afterwards.

♡ the fingers at your entrance slid in slowly, stretching you out and scissoring slightly to spread you further. Your legs were shaking and the swarm in your belly felt 100x worse. You were worried you couldn't hold yourself up much longer...Noah pressed his fingers as deep as he could fit them, brushing your cervix and curving up to press right into the most sensitive spot he could. He laughed against your pussy when he felt you clench around his fingers, teeth brushing your clit and making you whimper pathetically above him. He was the one on his knees and you were unraveling. Pitiful.

"You gonna cum for me? Can't let you take this cock till you cum, won't fit."

♡ when he nudges a 3rd finger in you completely come undone, tugging his face closer to you and nearly crying while you grind into him through your orgasm. He speeds his fingers up inside of you until you're squirming and begging him to stop. He withdraws and stands back up, reminding you he towers over you at his full height and he licks your slick off of his fingers right in front of you. You're still panting and your legs feel shaky, this isn't helping.

♡ Noah thinks you look adorable so shaken up, he can't help but admire how your chest is rising so quickly and your face is flushed. He did that to you. He's gonna do so much more too. He backs you into the wall again and runs his hands down your thighs, picking you up and pressing your back into the wall for extra support while your legs wrapped around his waist. You threw your arms around his neck to steady yourself but he wasn't gonna drop you, he could hold you up for hours if he needed to. Again though, he thinks you're adorable and lets you think he could drop you just to get your heart racing again.

♡ he holds you up with one arm while freeing his achingly hard cock with the other. You didn't even really get a chance to see it, but when he drug the tip through the slick mess between your legs you could describe the feeling as dread. He felt huge. Noah leaned his head against your neck, pressing soft kisses up to your ear and nipping at the soft skin.

"Gotta relax for me, promise I'll make you feel so good...trust me"

"Can't wait to feel how tight this pussy is, can't believe I'm your first. Bet I'll be the last too."

"Gonna fucking ruin you for everyone else, gonna be mine forever, yeah?"

"So much for staying pure, hm? All it took was one little comment and here you are letting me fuck you raw in a stairwell. Wonder how your god feels about that."

♡ he'd planned on taking it slow but after sinking in just a few inches he couldn't help himself. He trusted up into you, hilting himself in one move and sank his teeth deep into your shoulder to try and muffle the groan that escaped his chest. He slapped a hand over your mouth as he sank in and thank God he did because the sound you made was nothing short of a scream. Big tears welled in your eyes even after all the work he did to prep you, the stretch of taking his cock felt almost too much. Noah was loving every moment, watching you fall apart for him. He pressed a large hand to your stomach as he started fucking himself into you just to feel how deep he fit in your poor body.

"O-oh god-"

"The only fucking god you should be praying to is me."

♡ your whimpers and moans were nonstop but thankfully muffled against his palm, he didn't want anyone interrupting you. You gripped his cock just fucking right and he doubted he could really last long but he needed to have you unravel on his dick before he could finish. Noah reached up and tugged the front of your dress down, leaning to absolutely cover your chest in hickeys and lick at your overly sensitive nipples, your whines pitched up when his teeth got a little too rough but he couldn't help but admire his work. Your pretty soft skin marred with teeth marks and bruises. There's no way you could walk back out there and have no one notice, everyone would know exactly what you did, and who you did it with. Perfect.

"bet you've been thinking about this just as much as I have, huh bunny? Needed to get fucked, needed to get filled up by some fat cock, yeah? Tell me."

"Your little god was keeping you from this, does he really feel better than me? Wanna hear you say it."

"Gonna cum again for me, bunny? Need to feel you squeeze this cock, you can do it. I got you."

♡ your head fell back against the hard wall as he fucked into you, the coil in your stomach tightened unbearably. Every thrust sank as deep as he could possibly get and made your legs shake in his hold. Noah was chasing your pleasure as much as his own, he loved seeing your pretty little pathetic expressions. He slid a hand between your bodies and barely even had a chance to brush your clit as you came. His arm around you tightened to keep you still as he fucked you through it, tears spilling from your eyes and ruining your pretty makeup.

"S-shit- that's it- good girl, feels good yeah? So good for me-"

"That's it, tell me who's making you feel this good baby say my fuckin' name- n-need to hear it"

♡ his thrusts picked up in intensity, fingers sinking into your hips hard enough to leave Bruises and he sank in impossibly deep as he shuddered through his own end, you whined at the feeling of his hot cum filling you up and the extra dripping out of you making a mess on the floor under you. It took a second for Noah to set you back down on shaky legs, he helped you straighten your dress back out before pulling you in for an uncharacteristically gentle kiss. He felt like he was a little harsh on you but he was happy you actually would do something like this with him finally.

"So pretty...we should do this again sometime, yeah?"

[penkura]

last forever [9/13]

Summary: Zoro only offered to marry you to keep you out of an arranged marriage with a man much older than you. You agreed with the caveat of ending it via annulment once you received word from your parents regarding the original engagement, despite your growing feelings for your close friend.

Pairing: Zoro x Fem!reader, mentioned Sanami later (like epilogue later so chill)

Warnings: Marriage of Convenience, Fake Marriage, referenced sex (waaaaaay later on), mutual pining, Zoro is bad at feelings but what's new there, eventual romance I promise, mention of past attempted assault (I'll warn in that chapter), creepy older dude later on

Note: Post-timeskip, go let's go. Of course, they're a little older now, we know Zoro is 21, so Reader is now 20. :) This chapter IS shorter than the others that are left, but that just means we're getting into the better parts of the story. I really can't wait for you all to see what's next. :)

Taglist:

@misfits1a

[Ch. 1] ● [Ch. 2] ● [Ch. 3] ● [Ch. 4] ● [Ch. 5] ● [Ch. 6] ● [Ch. 7] ● [Ch. 8]

It’s been a long time since you’ve felt such strong anxiety about seeing people, not since the last time you’d met with your parents’ chosen fiancé for you, but it’s come back in spades at the thought of seeing your crew again after two years.

At the thought of seeing Zoro again, more than anything.

The thought of him deciding to dissolve your marriage when he sees you again is the main source of your anxiety, what you try to push away as you leave the lovely group of swordswomen who took care of you for the last two years, those who you’d told about your situationship with Zoro wishing you the best as they dropped you off. You hope no one is jinxing anything, but still feel nervous every time you see someone or something that could be Zoro as you go about, looking for things to purchase and for your friends.

When Nami and Usopp find you, the happiness between the three of you makes all your worries and anxieties dissipate for the time being. Both hug you so tightly, a three-person group hug, you almost cry out of happiness at seeing them again, before Nami starts fawning over how you look so much stronger yourself. She can’t believe how different you seem! She adores your outfit of course, a fitted tank top with knee-length shorts to match and ankle boots, your beloved sword from Elias still attached to your hip. You tell her how wonderful she looks, giving Usopp the same compliment as the three of you start making your way towards Sunny, running into a distraught Chopper who you’re able to calm down after an explanation of the fake Starw Hats on Sabaody.

Chopper gives you a big hug and lets you carry him the rest of the way, its like you have a child but you don’t mind it. You’ll baby Chopper all he wants, it’s the least you can do after he’d taken such great care of you all as your crew’s doctor before you were separated.

Once you make it to Sunny, you’re glad to see your ship and home is safe, and receive compliments from Franky and Robin regarding how more grown up you look. You are twenty now, after all, but it makes you smile shyly and your face feel warm as you thank them both.

After Chopper leaves to retrieve the missing members of your crew once Brook arrives, you start to feel your anxiety creep in again, Robin noticing right away and giving you a soft smile.

“Zoro will be glad to see you again.”

“You,” you gulp a bit, smiling nervously now, “you think so?”

“I do. You two have been close since I’ve been with everyone, I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you’re well.”

You really do hope Robin is right, especially when you hear Chopper calling for you all, the large bird he’d left on returning now with Luffy, Sanji, and Zoro aboard as well. You surprise yourself by not crying when you see Zoro, instead grinning brightly and joining Usopp at waving widely to the three of them, shouting their names.

It slightly catches Zoro off guard to see you so happy, but still makes him keep his own smile on his face when he sees you. Robin is correct, though Zoro doesn’t know that, but he is truly glad to see you’re fine, you look so much stronger than two years ago, and seeing how you keep yourself up on your feet when Luffy flings himself down to give you a hug, he’s even more impressed. He wants, needs, to talk to you alone, but after making it on deck, Luffy still hasn’t let you go, Zoro realizes its going to be a bit before he can take you elsewhere to talk, especially so once Sanji recovers from his nosebleed and also gives you a hug. He turns to fawning over you like Nami did, telling you how lovely you look.

Zoro can’t disagree with that statement.

He gives you time with Sanji, who continues to talk to you and tries to tell you about his own two years, until he notices you’re constantly glancing past him, and he knows exactly why.

Sanji smiles at you, before taking you by the shoulder and pushing you towards Zoro, essentially telling you to go see your husband already, he’s been waiting for you to be free so you could talk maybe. It makes you smile at him before you finally walk over to Zoro, who had turned to leaning against the rail with his arms crossed and eyes closed, until you tap his shoulder and he opens his one good eye to see you.

“Hey there.”

“Hey.”

You feel nervous, for some reason, before you notice the scar over his left eye finally and tilt your head.

“What happened with your eye?”

“Training accident,” Shrugging, Zoro stands up straight and you realize he’s gotten slightly taller in the last two years, he notices the same for you but you’re still shorter than him, “Come with me for a bit, yeah?”

Nodding, you follow Zoro up to the crow’s nest, the two of you briefly talking about your two years. You’re amazed to hear he trained under Mihawk, while Zoro is beyond impressed you ended up in a village for swordswoman. He knew you looked stronger, he can’t wait to see how much better you’ve become with your sword.

Once you’re both in the crow’s nest, before you can say anything else, Zoro surprises you this time but hugging you as tightly as he can, which you return once you’ve shaken off the shock that he’s initiated this. You thought the two years would make the two of you drift apart, not being around each other or anything, but perhaps you’d just been paranoid the whole time.

Don’t cry, I don’t want to cry right now…

“I missed you.”

He’s making it difficult for you not to cry, so you just nod a bit, biting your tongue to keep from crying.

“I missed you too, Zoro…”

Neither of you say anything for a while, you’re impressed the rest of your crew hasn’t tried to bother and bring you both back down with everyone, but you’re also grateful for it. You both need this, just some time together, time alone, it’s probably not enough time to discuss your marriage and what’s next, but you don’t really care that much.

“I…I love you…”

Zoro nods, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead briefly.

“I know.”

That’s enough for you right now, it still makes you smile up at him, before you frown a bit, causing Zoro to raise an eyebrow at you.

“My parents…they still want me to go back and marry him…”

“Oh yeah?”

You nod, staying quiet for a moment before you sigh and lay your head back against his chest and gripping his top while he strokes your hair a bit. He may not agree with what you’re about to say, but after two and a half years, your marriage could only be ended by divorce, a thought you’ve hated since this came into being. You even hated the thought of the annulment plans, and now, you two only had the choices of divorcing or staying married.

“I don’t want a divorce…”

“We’re not gonna. Not now,” Zoro hugs you a little tighter, one arm around your shoulders and the other around your waist as he gives you a kiss on the top of your head, “I won’t let anyone take you away from the crew, even if we stay married forever.”

“Thank you…thank you so, so much, Zoro…”

“Of course. I’d never let anyone force you into anything, wife.”

+!+

You think Fishman Island was one of the fastest “get to city enter battle” events you’ve experienced do far, maybe second only to Sabaody. Your crew was separated almost immediately, you ended up with Nami and she took you to the shops right away, demanding discounts and trying to put cute clothes on you, things she swears Zoro would probably like to see you in with a grin while you shy away and push her off a bit. Admitting to her and Robin that you’re in love with Zoro might have been a mistake, but at least you have people to talk to about the situation.

Of course, though, nothing is easy as a member of the Straw Hats and you all quickly are defending the Ryugyu Kingdom from Hordy Jones, fighting off masses of Fishmen to protect yourselves and the innocent citizens of the kingdom.

While you don’t take out anywhere near as many enemies as Zoro or Sanji, you still fight enough to help keep them at bay, getting some compliments post-battle from your crewmates and some of the citizens. It makes you feel both shy and proud at the same time, your two years of training weren’t a waste after all, even Zoro can see the changes in your fighting style and how well your attacks land now. You don’t look as nervous as you used to either, despite the confidant air you’d put on back then. The little bout you two had when you asked to stay with him, he saw you shaking so badly because you were scared but also still recovering from being sick, you tried your best and Zoro could see that, it’s part of why he had no problem with you following him, especially once you let him start teaching you more about swordsmanship.

You’ve definitely improved from the shaky, scared girl he met four years ago.

You feel like Zoro hasn’t changed at all, despite the scar over his left eye and definitely becoming bulkier, he was still the same to you. Still makes your heart flutter when you watch him fight, he still checks on you after fights, it makes you happy to see he’s still the same. He’s still Zoro, of course he wouldn’t change.

“Hey, come with me for a minute.”

During the celebration that’s being thrown for you all as thanks for saving Fishman Island, Zoro takes your hand leads you off again, just the two of you. It makes you comment that if he keeps taking you away from everyone, someone is going to get the wrong idea, but Zoro just shrugs it off. He doesn’t really care what others think still, you’ve always known that.

Once you’re far enough away from everyone, he guides you to sit beside him before surprising you with what he says next.

“We should talk about our situation.”

The fact Zoro actually wants to discuss what’s going to happen next is the surprise, but you still nod, agreeing with him.

“Change your mind on us divorcing?”

“No, I haven’t,” Zoro brushes a bit of hair behind your ear, placing his hand on your cheek which makes you smile at him, “We’re not divorcing unless you want to, but…I think we should try, you know, dating, or whatever you want to call it…”

You blink a few times, completely confused and shocked before tilting your head.

“…huh? You…what?”

“What, you suddenly going deaf or something?” Zoro pinches your cheek a little which makes you wince and pout, before giving him a glare that makes him smirk at you, “We should try a relationship, forget your parents and our original deal. I…I want to try being your boyfriend.”

You really didn’t expect this, you first thought,  like you asked, that Zoro had changed his mind and decided he was done with your fake marriage, but instead, he actually wants to give the two of you a try. Wants to see if this might be something that really could last, not a temporary solution to your personal problems.

While you think it through for a moment, you barely register that Zoro is starting to look nervous, something you’ve never really seen before. Once you make up your mind, before he can say anything more, you lean up and kiss him, pulling away with a smile that Zoro returns.

“I’d love to give us a real try, Zoro.”

Everything is going to be okay, you’re sure of it.

+!+

Sanji and Nami can see a difference in your and Zoro’s relationship quickly after you leave Fishman Island. As you approach Punk Hazard, Zoro doesn’t really let you go, keeping you near to him even as you all draw straws and you end up being one of the group to stay on Sunny and keep watch. Neither of them say anything when he pulls you aside once again, but the smile you have while you talk to Zoro tells them both everything is fine, especially when you nod once more and hug him, which he returns to their surprise.

The two look at each with questioning glances, trying to see if you’ve said anything to the other, but both shrug. Truthfully there’s not been time to talk to either of them, and when the group Zoro’s a part of leaves, the two drag you to the kitchen and start asking questions, which causes you to laugh, but Nami doesn’t really think it’s funny.

“Come oooonnnn,” Nami leans against your arm, giving you a pout, “You guys are acting weird, you can’t tell us something isn’t going on.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Nami.”

The blush on your face starts to give you away, and Sanji figures it out, giving you a slight grin.

“Did he finally tell you he likes you back?”

“Mm…something like that.”

“Are you guys dating then?”

“Maybe~” You’re not very good at being coy, to the point Nami gasps and shouts that she knew it before hugging you tightly while you laugh and Sanji sighs, still smiling.

“About damn time. That stupid mosshead, taming two years to tell you anything.”

“Well, all he said was that he wants to try a relationship, so that’s what we’re doing.”

“So he’s your boyfriend!” The little squeal and giggle from Nami makes you join in. “Finally, I told you he liked you back!!”

“Yeah, yeah, you were right!”

Sanji is quiet while he watches the two of you for a few moments. He really does hope that you and Zoro are going to be okay one day, that he’ll stay your husband and neither of you has to deal with the divorce papers or anything like that. He doesn’t want to watch another couple in his life break down, even as you two are just starting out.

Well, minus your two and a half years of actually being married, even though it hasn’t been a real marriage yet. It still isn’t, as you explain after a bit, but your friends seem to get it. You still want things kept under wraps, until Nami brings something up.

“Yeah…umm…about that…”

You give her a confused look as Sanji sighs again.

“Luffy kind of told everyone that didn’t know. It was the day Franky was making comments about you and mosshead being in his bed.”

Groaning, you lean back in your seat before nodding.

“All right then…let’s keep me and Zoro dating between the four of us then?”

“A good idea.”

“At least we can keep a secret.”

[hannah-banana-lou]

Come back to me

So to start off with, i hate a lot of fanfics that include the (y/n) character as a barely legal, fragile, tiny thing that is oblivious to sex because that is just not me! i love alot of fanfics that have a lot of world building, real life issues and are really in depth, mixed in with some smut, steamy romance and fluff. i know this will not be for everyone but for those who do enjoy that, i hope this does it for you!

Husband William afton x Wife female reader - AU.

Planning on making this into a series if people like it!

content warning: marriage issues, smut, verbal abuse, age gap couple - william (early 50's) Reader (mid/late 20's)

UNDER 18'S DNI!!!

Come back to me (pt.1)

A glance. A kiss. Lips crashing down unto yours. he has you pinned against the bedroom door, panting heavily. Hands exploring places they've been so many times before. yours hurriedly unbuttoning his shirt. desperation. his hooking their way into your sweatpants, teasingly close to where you need him, where you're yearning for him. his kisses moving from your lips, slowly trailing along your jaw before reaching your neck. he bites, suckles and licks the skin there, sending tingles throughout your body, reaching to your core. you're lost in the moment, feeling his beard scratch so deliciously against your skin, his lips soft but desperate. You need this. He needs this.

"mommy!" your ears prick up. the sound of one of your twins calling for you. you ignore it, trying to focus on the present scene unfolding in front of you.

"mommy, look at me!" again. calling for you. you can feel a haze slipping over you. mind going grey, unable to feel the kisses being planted.

a snap of your husbands fingers and you jump. you're in the garden, sitting on the patio next to william. the morning sun is beaming, your two children running around the garden, screaming and giggling. you glance over at william, he is staring at you. the silence between you both brooding ... deafening.

"your children are calling for you. just gonna ignore them?" he grunts out. a dig at you, most definitely.

you shake your head in response, taking the cup filled with coffee off the table, moving it up to your lips and taking a sip, you frown. it's gone cold.

the better part of the morning is spent playing with your children, trying to forget that you have a marriage counselling appointment in the early afternoon. not the first and most definitely not the last. no doubt william will find some excuse to not attend, he thinks marriage counselling is a scam, a waste of money. he refused to even acknowledge the idea until you nagged him for weeks. he eventually gave up.

you're now sat in the car, he's driving. the silence is painful. the drive to the appointment, uncomfortable.

your in the appointment. all his responses are grunts or a few word answers, while you're pouring your heart out, begging for him to just talk to you. a usual occurrence during these appointments.

You stop crying, lost in thought. maybe he was having an affair, it would explain a lot... no. yes. wait... would he do that to you? when would he have the time? god. don't be silly, he isn't cheating on you.... right? Before your mind can trail off anymore the therapist throws a question to you both.

"what are the biggest issues within your marriage? we have discussed this before briefly, however i'm curious as to the individual answers. William, why don't you start us off? yes?"

you glance over at william. he is staring directly at the therapist, poor woman, having to endure his death stare. his eye twitches slightly. he's trying to calm himself before answering. you avert your gaze back to the floor.

"Nothing is wrong with my marriage. i dont believe there are issues" your husband spits out.

the older woman nods, accepting his answer before she turns to you and nods again, signalling for you to answer.

"well... for starters i feel like he doesn't want me around anymore. he avoids me like the plague. there is no love, no affection, no.... no intimacy anymore" you begin.

william adjusts himself in his seat. clearly annoyed at the intimacy comment. you keep your gaze focused on the therapist.

"He wont talk more than a few words to me without snapping at me, he's stopped sleeping in our bedroom, he's taken the spare room instead. i never see him anymore. i'm... i... I've just had enough. it's hard living in a space that you have known as home for many years, yet feel so unwelcome at the same time" you finish. you can feel his stare burning into the side of your head.

the older woman nods again. that's all she seems to do, just nod. it can be quite annoying. she looks between you both.

"Y/N why do you feel like William has become this way with you?"

you sigh, not knowing the answer. you could only answer with what your mind has provided as far fetched ideas over the past few months. you shrug. "i'm not sure. i have a lot of ideas, none that could be close to the truth though" you respond, voice soft, deflated. like you've given up.

"One good way to get your marriage on track is open communication. Y/n why dont you share your ideas with William. it's a good place to start"

you sigh again and look over at william. he is staring at the floor. annoyed written all over his features. he looks over at you

"William..." you start with a sigh. "i... uhm... i have begun to think that maybe... you have fallen out of love with me" his gaze softens, almost looking heartbroken that you could ever think that. he shakes his head. he goes to reach out his hand, it lifts ever so slightly but stops immediately, his fists tightened, a small noise escaping his lips. almost like the whimper of a wounded animal as he quickly avoids your gaze, looking back down at the floor.

you take a moment to process what just happened. what was that noise? sound of affirmation? or denial? maybe his reaction is something to be hopeful for?

"any other ideas you have that you would like to share?" she adds quickly.

you nod, taking a deep breath. you knew he wasn't going to like this one but you had to get it out before the thought consumes you.

"William, i have thought for a while that you are having an affair." you blurt out.

his softened gaze quickly turns to a grimace, furrowed eyebrows. followed with a scoff before he stands up, grabbing your hand "session over. thanks for your time doc, see you next month" he mumbles as he pulls you out the door. the doctor looking more so confused than ever as she watches the two of you leave abruptly.

you get back into the car. oh he's pissed. maybe he is embarrassed that you brought that up? self conscious of how he looks in front of the therapist maybe?

he drives in silence before turning into an empty parking lot near a wooded trail path, probably for dog walkers.

he parks up before turning to you, face twisted with anger "An affair? an affair? .... AN AFFAIR?" He snaps. you nod "it just makes s-" he cuts you off "NO Y/N! NO! the falling out of love i can understand but an affair? i have done nothing to make you think that way"

you look at him confused.

"you're not affectionate. you're only happy when you're around the kids, you're only affectionate in public for 'appearances', you wont sleep in the same bed as me, let alone fuck me anymore, so you must be getting it from someone else!" you angrily snap out, you knew being with an older man would have it's problems but not to this extent.

he rolls his eyes. scoffs. "you're ridiculous. i am not having an affair!"

"it makes more sense than 'i'm stressed' " you quickly respond

he scoffs again but doesn't respond. just stares out the windshield of the car into the woods adorning the outskirts of the parking lot. the forest looked peaceful, serene almost. you continue to stare at him waiting for a response. receiving nothing.

you place your hand on his thigh gently "Will... Bear. please just talk to me... let me in again" you whisper. no response from him. he smiles in his mind at the use of the old nickname for him.

he was your bear. Tall, grumpy and hairy as one. Used to have you in fits of laughter when he would groan and snore, you telling him the attributes resembled a bear when you were first dating. hence the nickname.

Something snaps inside of him.

Your argument before, playing through his mind.

He looks over at you, eyes boring into yours. he reaches his hand out, cupping your cheek. it's been too long since he last touched you.

He moves from your cheek and trails his fingers through the mids of your hair before leaning down, hand clamped on the back of your head, moving you up to meet him halfway, lips on yours. slow. tender. A sense of yearning in the kiss. you let out a small surprised noise. not complaining in the slightest. just surprised, shocked even.

he pulls away ever so slightly, lips still touching. a small protesting whine leaving your lips as you desperately try to kiss him again. he stops you. nuzzling his nose against yours. hot breaths caressing each others skin. his lips soft. as you remember them. a free hand intertwined with your left hand, fingers caressing your wedding and engagement rings.

"I've not fallen out of love with you bunny" he breaks the silence, his words barely above a whisper. desperation. yearning. sadness being carried in his voice.

[obsessivevoidkitten]

The Royal Blood Pt. 2

Male Yandere Vampire x Gender Neutral Vampire Reader (CW: Dub-con, vampires, vampirism, blood, blood drinking, minor character death, general yandere behavior, marriage, oral sex, smut.) Word Count: 2.1k (Sorry if this is not as good as part one, I still tried to make it nice, I hope everyone enjoys. I know I kinda rushed writing it and it may not be my best work. Art of Ericke made by the ever amazing @reiyn02​) Part 1 can be found here: The Royal Blood Pt. 1  

  It had been months since Prince Ericke had turned you into a fellow vampire. You had been traumatized by your sudden transformation, dark cravings, and the death of Owen, who had been your only friend. You became more quiet and withdrawn at his loss.  You had tried to go without blood a couple different times but each time it turned you near feral and all Ericke had to do once you got to that point was hold a chalice of blood up to your lips and you instinctively swallowed down every drop, unable to prevent yourself from giving in. You hated being a monster.  And you desperately wanted to hate Ericke just as much, if not more, but as much as you tried you could not help but feel the torturous flutter of butterflies in your belly every time he held you. Any animosity towards him that you managed to muster just melted away with a simple touch of his hand.  Despite your amorous feelings for the prince, you would probably still have tried to escape again anyway, but he was smart. He knew you would not leave now that you were turned, you did not want to hurt anyone and you could not stand the thought of extracting a human’s blood yourself. So with him you would remain  Mercifully, he always got blood for you so you never had to feed from someone yourself, and instead of him getting it from random villages he now collected it from prisoners sentenced to die or those who were in there for life. Even if they somehow found out they were being fed upon, who would believe them?    He had also remained true to his promise, instead of his poorly and conflictingly treated servant he treated you like the most precious treasure owned by any member of the royal family. And, aside from when he was gathering blood, he kept you with him constantly. Meetings, meals, outings, everywhere he was you were surely by his side with your hand in his as he gently thumbed the brand mark that denoted you as belonging to him.  You were always quiet and subservient to whatever he wanted to do and went with him willingly. He was not too concerned with your reticence. The fact that you were so good and obedient and always at his side was enough for him at the moment, besides he could hear the way your heartbeat picked up when he held you, he knew you would liven up and love him openly eventually. Ericke also figured you would need some time to get used to being around other nobles and people of wealth and importance. And he was not wrong, it was very nerve wracking to be surrounded and judged by people who felt like you were as dirt on their shoes.  The party he held for the announcement of his engagement and to introduce you to the people of high society was a good example. There were so many people all muttering and staring in your direction during the entire event.  “Don’t worry babe, you’ll be fine, you’re better than any of them anyway.” You literally clung, much to your fiancé's delight, to Ericke’s arm the entire time as he whispered in your ear pointing out who was who and little details about them. It was a miserable time for you, you had to greet them all individually and you could practically feel the scorn they all had for you, particularly the ones who had had plans to court or be courted by your prince. As if you had even asked for it.  After you had been introduced to everyone and greeted them all individually you stayed only as long as was required by polite society standards before Ericke rushed the two of you out and back to his chambers. As much as Ericke had enjoyed you clinging to him for dear life because of your anxiety he knew it was time to go when your beautiful eyes threatened to cry.  “You did really great, baby doll.” He kissed you gently on the forehead and pulled you into his lap after he sat on the bed. You started sobbing but he held you close and wiped all your tears away.  “Shhh, you did fine, I don’t care what they think anyway. I know how wonderful you are.” He held you tighter. You did care about how they saw you though. So many people judging and hating you just for taking the handsome Prince Ericke Ashfall off the market and for being lowborn while doing it. Your super sensitive ears even picked up Lady Caroway, head of her house, making absolutely terrible comments about you, someone she had scarcely met.  But your dearly betrothed had heard those comments too. And Lady Caroway had gone mysteriously missing. You knew what had happened, the blood he served you that day was clearly identifiable as hers by the scent. You did not let on that you knew what he had done to defend your honor, but you were very cuddly and clingy that night. It was the first time you ever graced his cheek with a kiss.    Ericke could tell you knew though, he made a mental note to give you the blood of anyone you could hear insulting you in an overly cruel manor.  You probably should have been mortified that he had killed someone so casually just for being mean to you, but honestly you were more worried about why you appreciated it so much. Maybe it was just part of being a vampire. Or maybe it was partly due to drinking blood, it always seemed to make you a bit more clingy. Maybe it was just that after he had kept you captive and forced you into a life of vampirism your brain latched on to any shred of decency he showed you. Whatever the reason, defending you in such a way really made you start to appreciate him a lot more.  Ericke was pleased that you were less quiet and had started to open up to him more. It made planning the wedding a whole lot easier, he did not do a single thing without asking for your opinion or input, though he did have to deny you your request for a smaller ceremony. This was his chance to show the entire kingdom how much he loved his darling, his chance to cement once and for all in the jealous minds that envied you that it was you he valued above any of them.    And when the big day came no one could claim it was anything less than spectacular. The color scheme of course matched the royal family’s colors, purple and white. Even in your mounting anxiety you had to admit everything looked astonishingly beautiful.  A rug had been placed down the length of the grand hall, white with purple trim. It alone was surely worth more than the entire hovel that you used to live in.  The normal chandelier had been swapped out and now there was a new gleaming silver chandelier hanging from the roof, three ringed tiers of candles, two rings of candles were white and the center ones were purple. All the candles produced a brilliant violet light, casting the entire room in a surreal amethyst glow.  Banners that bore the royal crest, in the same colors as the rest of the décor, now hung from the walls.  Curtains that usually concealed the windows had been drawn back to reveal a lovely view of the full moon that adorned the clear night sky and of the black pond below that reflected the moonlight perfectly in its still waters. Two large tables on each side of the room were completely covered by food and drinks of all kinds imaginable for the reception.  It was all truly magical.  You trembled nervously but managed to collect yourself and focus on performing the bonding ceremony. You each took one side of a silver ribbon and tied it together before kissing one another deeply on the lips. This was the first time you had kissed him upon the lips. It felt exhilarating, amazing, and right.      The festivities after that lasted well into the night, but when they finally faded away Prince Ericke took you into his arms with that surprising strength of his and carried you all the way to your shared bed chamber.  He placed you delicately upon the bed, as if you were a fragile snowflake that would melt at the slightest touch. Ericke then locked the door and lit all the candles in the room before crawling above you. “Now for the real bonding baby doll.”  Before you could ask what he meant his mouth was at your neck, the familiar graze of his fangs ghosted your sensitive skin before he slowly sank into you and drank of your cursed blood. You moaned loudly and unexpectedly, this felt so much better than when he fed on you when you were a human.  You were a bit light headed when he finished drinking from you and lifted your head to his neck. You were not keen to bite someone, but you let your instincts take over as you followed his lead. Your top canines elongated into fangs and you carefully bit your new husband and suckled from his wound. He had to stifle a moan.  When you were done you were blushing and felt very warm. Almost dizzy. It was amazing. You didn’t know that when two vampires feed from one another it binds them together in a manner far more intimately than sex or a mere mortal marriage ever could. It was a connection that only two vampires in love could ever possibly share. It was worth being a vampire to experience this.  Even so you both still wanted to make love and you pulled him close and grinded your crotch against his as he kissed you, sliding his tongue into your mouth as you shared the flavors of your blood with one another.  He ended the kiss and began to disrobe before removing your clothing. He had seen you naked before, but you had never been more beautiful to him, laying there in a beam of moonlight, your blood and his smeared on your lips, eagerly waiting for him to enter you.  Ericke kissed and licked from your waist to your crotch, licking what he found there tenderly. He intended to take his time, he had waited for this moment with his darling for a long time and he wanted to savor it. His mouth work was a bit sloppy, he was the prince and not used to servicing someone in such a way, but what he lacked in experience he made up for with enthusiasm.  You stroked his hair as his mouth kept busy working on you before finally making you cum hard all over his face. He wiped his face and licked his fingers and your crotch clean.  “By the gods, (Y/N), that was even better than your blood.” Ericke took a bottle of oil and lubed the both of you up really well until he was sure he could slide in you easily, he tested your entrance with a couple of carefully placed fingers to stretch you out and ready it for him.  When he was certain he would not harm you he lined his cock up with your hole and slid into you with a sigh of contentment. Your insides were so warm. And all for him. The thought almost made him blow his load right then and there.  He slid his length back and forth at a steady rhythm inside you as his hands held your hips. A scarlet blush spread upon his pale flesh seeing your pleasure-drunk face and knowing he was the cause, he was the source of that joy and ecstasy you were feeling.  Your prince grabbed your hips and began to go a bit faster, careful not to go too fast and end things too soon, he wanted to ingrain the sight of you laying there beneath him for the first of many times into his brain until the day the world crumbled into dust. He leaned close and began sucking your neck where he bit you previously, not to suck your blood this time, just to mark you.  A second orgasm made your body quiver as he continued targeting your neck with his affections, after you came though he could only hold back his own climax a few more seconds before unloading his nuts deeply into you.  After a moment for both of you to catch your breath he went to start a bath for the both of you. He laughed to himself, reminded of the night he first brought you here, when he was afraid to admit his attraction to you, it all seemed so silly now since after he worked so hard to make you his in every possible way.  

[49-ibr]

FANTASY - ASK GAME

Here's an ask game for fantasy writers, based on the magic system of my fantasy book! No knowledge is needed to play!

AIR - What is the most unique setting in your fantasy world?

BEASTS - What is the most unique creature in your fantasy world? Did you invent it yourself?

BLOOD - Do they bleed red?

CHANGE - What year is this set?

COSTUME - Do they have theatre?

COURAGE - Do they have a concept of heroes and villains, and does that factor into their mythology?

CREATION - What is their most popular creation myth, and is it true?

DARKNESS - What do the children fear most, and is it warranted?

DEATH - What do they think happens after death, and is it true?

DESIRE - Why do you write fantasy?

DESTRUCTION - What was the largest historical war?

DISEASE - What is the most unique disease in this world?

DREAM - Do dreams hold magic?

EARTH - How large is this world?

ENERGY - Do they have electricity?

ENVY - Invent a common saying!

EYES - How does the ruling class treat the working class?

FATE - Can they see the future?

FEAR - How will the world end?

FIRE - Do dragons exist?

FLESH - What do they do with the dead?

FORCE - Do they believe in science?

GLUTTONY - Does cannibalism play a role in this society?

GREED - Who is the richest?

GRIEF - Do people ever come back from the dead? If so, how often?

HOPE - Why did you make this world?

ICE - What is the climate?

ILLUSION - How common is magic?

LIGHT - Are their days the same length as those in reality?

LOVE - Do they believe in true love?

LUST - Do they believe in sex before marriage?

METAL - What are the battles like, if they include any kind of magic?

MIND - Are humans the only intelligent species?

MUNDANE - How are magical people treated in comparison with the ordinary?

PAIN - How do they treat illness?

PAST - How do they treat mental illness?

PLANTS - What is the most unique plant in your fantasy world?

PRIDE - What part of this world are you most proud of?

ROT - How long have you worked on this world?

SILENCE - How do they treat the disabled?

SLOTH - What existing fantasy world is closest to your fantasy world?

SOUL - Do they have gods, and what role do they play in this world?

SPACE - Does the world exist with a similar solar system as earth?

STORMS - What is the most unique kind of weather in this world?

STRENGTH - What makes someone a hero?

TIME - How do they tell the time?

TRUTH - What is the most common form of punishment for criminals?

WATER - How many places have you invented for this world?

WRATH - Do they believe in the death penalty?

[static-symphony-fm]

you are in love (true love)

now playing: you are in love (taylor's version)

pairing: magnus chase x fem! reader

word count: 1.9k

summary: 5 people who knew magnus was in love with you before you did + 1 sword

an: FIRST FANFIC LETS FUCKING GOOOOO this took so long to write! I love how I accidentally made it blue themed even though that's magnus's least favorite colour 😭 its ok we all know he's canonically a 1989 girly

fun fact i actually took the first picture! i shit you not I was on a road trip with my family READING MAGNUS CHASE and I look up and see THAT SIGN and i SCRAMBLED to take a picture

content/ warnings: 5+1 things, background blitzstone bcs c'mon they're basically canon, shitty writing, kissing ooo spooky, magnus being a simp, there actually isn't a whole lot of reader in this x reader fic, minor allusions to sex stuff, a lot of swearing, weird use of perspective, i was trying to go for third person limited but magnus is the one it's limited to not reader? but reader is referred to using second person? sorry if it's confusing.

1. samirah al-abbas

  if someone had told magnus a year ago that in a couple month’s time, meeting for coffee weekly with one of his best friends and not getting kicked out of the overpriced coffee shop was going to be the most normal thing in his life, he wouldn’t have believed them. probably would have flipped them off, too, and stole their wallet as he walked away. but he’d like to think that he was a changed man, seeing as he was, in fact, in a hipster café in boston, trying not to make fun of all the fancy menu options. like, seriously? who orders a dragon fruit, pomegranate, and kale smoothie?

he realized he’d been thinking for too long and returned his attention to samirah, sitting across from him and discussing wedding plans for her upcoming marriage to amir as she sipped her latte. he noticed the way her eyes seemed to get brighter, and her entire body language conveyed how excited she was as she talked about him. magnus had a fleeting thought about how good it must feel to love someone so unconditionally like that, and have them love you back just as much. 

as if reading his mind, samirah finished her sentence and studied him, tilting her head as she seemed lost in thought, peering at him like he was a calculus problem she couldn’t quite figure out. 

after a few seconds, magnus broke the silence. 

“alright, it’s getting weird. why’re you looking at me like that?”

samirah snapped out of it, focusing on what he was saying.

“nothing, just… do you think you’ll ever get married?”

jeez, that was a loaded question. magnus narrowly avoided choking on his black coffee, swallowing and burning his throat before answering.

 “sam, i’m dead.”

“so? people get married in valhalla all the time. i have been to a very disproportionate amount of weddings in the two years i worked there.”

“yeah? how many of those end in divorce?”

samirah took a long drink of her coffee, swallowing it slowly as she responded.

“forever is a very long time, and no relationship is perfect, but wouldn’t it be better to have someone to spend that time with?”

“…i guess.” magnus accepted, lost in thought. truthfully, samirah was right, like always. if circumstances were different, if he hadn’t died at sixteen, he could imagine himself getting married. settling down. living in a cabin in the forest with two kids. 

a thought came into his mind, entirely of its own accord, of doing all of that with you. your laugh, your soft hair, the way your lips curled up and your eyes widened when you smile. you’d probably be a great mom.

whoa, what the hell? he should definitely not be thinking about getting married to his friend, what the fuck? that is not normal. 

he pushed the weird thought out of his mind as best he could, gulping his coffee and focusing on the burning in his throat and not what he was just thinking. samirah had gone back to talking about amir, and magnus was not going to think about marrying you any longer.

2. alex fierro

after nearly getting his head cut off by alex’s garrote for the third time that day, magnus needed a break. alex had decided that magnus needed to learn to fight without the help of jack, and it wasn't going too well for him. he collapsed on the bench next to alex, chugging half a bottle of water before even taking a breath. alex rolled her eyes. 

“it’s not that hard, you just aren’t fast enough.”

magnus managed to control himself and not say a snarky comment back, but it was a close call. instead, he ignored her, staring straight ahead and not engaging. unfortunately, you were in his direct line of sight, sparring with mallory only a few metres away. alex picked up on this quickly, nudging his side. 

“you like watching y/n fight, huh?” she teased, smirking. damn, why did she have to be so perceptive?

“what? no. shut up.” magnus replied quickly, trying to hide his blush. “i mean… she’s a good fighter. not like i like her or anything like that.” 

“mhm. suuuure you don’t.” alex replied, definitely not believing him. fuck.

“i’m telling the truth!” magnus protested. god, how was arguing with alex harder than physically fighting her? 

“yeah. did you see her necklace today? pretty, right?”

“she’s not even wearing a neck- fuck.” magnus said instantly, before catching himself. 

“go to hell.”  he swore, glaring at alex, who was grinning at him in a way that reminded him a little too much of her mother. 

“you first.”

      3 + 4. blitzen & hearthstone

“magnus? magnus?”

a pale hand reached in front of magnus face, waving and then snapping its fingers, bringing him back to reality. he blinked and looked around at hearth and blitz, sitting across from him in the dining room of the chase space. hearth took his hand back to sign finally, raising his eyebrows sarcastically.

“your head’s way up in the clouds, kid.” blitz remarked, drumming his short, well manicured fingernails on the table, his silver engagement ring glinting.  he was right. magnus definitely was pretty out of it lately. 

probably thinking about y/n, hearth signed. jeez, why did every conversation he had have to be about you? and no, he most certainly was not thinking about you and your pretty eyes and your delicate hands and the way your ass looked in those jeans you were wearing yesterday… jesus fucking christ, he needed to stop.

 he buried his face in his hands and groaned loudly, then raised his head back up so hearth could read his lips, hoping that his blush wasn’t as visible as it felt. 

“i am not thinking about her.” he lied through his teeth. 

“there’s nothing wrong with having a crush, you know.”

ugh, why did they have to act so much like his dads? 

“i don’t have a crush!”

“kid, you’re a terrible liar. everyone can see the way you stare at that girl. now remember, if you’re doing anything intimate, you gotta use protection…”

that’s it. magnus couldn’t stand up from the table fast enough

 “nope! this conversation is ending right now. good talk!”

5. annabeth chase

magnus and annabeth had been walking around new york for the past three hours, trying to make up for the ten years spent apart.  annabeth had shown him her favorite library, and pointed out a bunch of cool architecture in nearby buildings, with a promise to show him and his friends camp half-blood in the summer.

 they were currently taking a break, stopping for lunch at a falafel place that wasn’t quite as good as fadlan’s, but it was still falafel. magnus was enjoying listening to annabeth talk about her architecture projects– she was taking online classes to prepare for the higher level of new rome university’s program. 

magnus loved listening to her talk about things he didn’t understand. as a child he’d always thought she was a genius, the way she always solved puzzles and math problems easily. ten years later, that theory still held up, hearing her go on about a bunch of terms he didn’t understand.

“sorry, i’m probably boring you to tears. you wanna talk about something else?”

annabeth offered.

“no, it’s fine… i really don’t have a lot going on.” magnus replied, smiling politely.

“come on. there’s gotta be something interesting.” an idea seemed to come to annabeth.

“you have a crush on anybody?”

magnus swallowed. 

“no.”

but he was too slow. those steel gray eyes that matched his own were locked on him like a hawk, or maybe an owl. 

“yes, you do. come on. spill!”

magnus stayed silent. he was not telling his cousin about his crushes, but those metallic eyes stayed locked on him. he eventually gave up. annabeth could be scary when she wanted to be.

“fine. fine. her name’s y/n…”

+1. jack

 it was movie night at the chase space. was magnus ever gonna stop calling it that? no. it was cool. shut up. the credits were rolling on some disney movie that alex had insisted on, and everyone else was slowly but surely making their way to their rooms, yawning as they said their good nights. you had been sitting next to magnus on the couch the whole time, and suffice it to say that he had had some trouble concentrating on the film.  

it was just you and him, you in your nirvana t-shirt and gray sweat shorts, and in that moment, he decided to tell you.

 you got up to leave, waving at him, and in a feat of bravery so incredible it would be studied by historians for centuries to come, magnus managed to work up the nerve to speak up. 

“hey, uh, can i talk to you for a sec?”

“sure? what’s up?” you asked as you sat back down.

jesus, what had he gotten himself into? it’s ok, magnus, you got this. you beat loki in a flyting. you can talk to a pretty girl. 

“uh, i was just thinking… i just…” off to a great start, aren’t we? fuck off, voice in his head. he can do this. he took a deep breath.

“i really like you. you're gorgeous and funny and so insanely smart. i’m an atheist but i’m praying to god you feel the same way. will you be my girlfriend?”

you bit your lip, breaking eye contact as you looked off into the distance. fuck. you were gonna say no and then he was never gonna be able to talk to you again and he was gonna have to change his name and move to canada…

“can i kiss you?” 

what.

there were a million things magnus expected you to say, but that was none of them. he managed to stutter out a simple “please…” and then you leaned forward and your lips were on his and magnus chase died.

this felt more like the end of his life than being knocked off a burning bridge and drowning did. his heart was beating a million times a second, and he seemed to have forgotten how breathing worked. your lips were softer than anything he’d ever felt before.

 he managed to reciprocate a little, mostly acting on instinct, and all he could think about was how astronomically better this was than jackie molotov in the seventh grade.

what was he supposed to do with his hands? he was pretty sure that keeping them at his side was the wrong answer, so he moved one to your waist and the other one to the back of your neck, tangling it gently in your soft hair as his lips moved against yours.

gods, he could have stayed like that until ragnarök, but his stupid sword had to ruin the moment. jack started buzzing on his neck sleepily, seeming to have been woken up ungraciously. he hoped that you couldn’t feel it, but that was pretty unlikely, considering how close you were to him. jeez, he was blushing more and more every time he thought about that. 

eventually, you pulled away, smiling a little. 

“good night, magnus.”

he nodded, unable to form words, and managed to stand up and walk back to his room, wide eyed, operating on autopilot. he walked into his room and immediately collapsed backwards onto the bed, staring at the ceiling without blinking, completely still. not a thought passed through his mind for at least ten minutes, till he finally was able to reach up and pull jack’s pendant off of his necklace.

“dude, what happened to blades before babes!?!”

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

Genuinely trying to understand why a gay person would be supporting the party you do.

Not American myself but from what I understand there’s a lot of homophobia there.

It doesn’t look like Democrats are perfect either but at least less hostile to gays?

I'll dispense with my usual "Shut the fuck up European" image response because you do actually seem genuine, so here's my genuine answer.

Yeah, there's some homophobia on the right. Some. It's nowhere near what the media would have you believe. But there's homophobia on the left, too. The left just has the media and their ability to shape a narrative on their side. The worst thing I've had said to me by someone on the right was that they don't support gay marriage and think its a sin. Or that they think gay sex is disgusting. And that's fine. I don't like hearing about certain sexual acts myself and find them gross and weird. I don't need anyone else to approve or support my sex life.

And as for the part about gay marriage, I understand where most of them are coming from when they say that, too. They truly feel that their religious beliefs are under attack and that religious marriage is supposed to be between one man and one woman. But even many of those people will say that they don't really care if gays get legally married as long as there's some differentiation between the religious ceremony of marriage, and the legal institution of marriage, which are two different things. I personally don't need anyone to validate my marriage but me and my husband. I don't care if it's legally recognized. I don't care if it's recognized by any particular church. My marriage and my relationships are my own personal business. And there are a lot of people on the right who feel the exact same way.

So, that's the worst I've gotten from the right. Let's talk about the worst I've gotten from the supposedly gay friendly left. The following is not a complete list, but here's some of the things that I've been told by Democrats and other leftists when they find out I'm a gay right winger, both online and offline:

Kill yourself

Die faggot

You should be gay bashed

I hope you get raped by a closeted Republican politician

I hope your dog dies

Kill yourself

You're a traitor to all gay people

Kill yourself with one of those guns you love

I hope you get cancer and die horribly

I hope your husband dies

You should be sent to a concentration camp

Kill yourself

and basically every anti-gay slur you can possibly think of

That's what I get from the left, from other gay people, when they find out I vote differently then they do. Just based on these anecdotal experiences with the American right and the American left, I think it's pretty clear why I find myself on one side and not the other.

But!

I'm not a one issue voter. Gay issues are mostly meaningless to me. What I care about are personal freedoms, protecting my rights, and the success of my country on the world stage. Currently, the American right aligns with those beliefs way more than the left. That's not to say the Republican Party always aligns perfectly with what I want or believe, but the reality is we live in a two party system. Until enough of us get together and make a nationally viable third party, if the choice in presidential elections is between one party that I almost never agree with and whose stated goals are to violate my rights and destroy everything I love about America, and one party that does what I voted for them to do around half the time, of course I'm voting for the second party nationally.

Locally it can be a bit different. It's easier to effect local elections and policies just by being active, and in geographically close areas the differences between the people running for town council might not be as wide as two people running for president nationally, so I won't just vote the R party line by default. I've voted libertarian locally before. Hell, I even voted Democrat once. But, for the most part, it's the Republicans who I feel will do what I think should be done more than the other parties. And that's why I vote for them, and why I'm a registered Republican. Well, that and I want to be able to vote in the Republican primaries.

[melinoe-dearest09]

ME ADMIT STUFF

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

6. What are you excited for?

7. What happened tonight?

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

9. Is confidence cute? 10. What is the last beverage you had? 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? 14. What are you going to spend money on next? 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? 18. The last time you felt broken? 19. Have you had sex today? 20. Are you starting to realize anything? 21. Are you in a good mood? 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? 24. What do you want right this second? 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? 34. Listening to? 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? 37. Do you believe in love at first sight? 38. Who did you last call? 39. Who was the last person you danced with? 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? 44. Do you tan in the nude? 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? 47. Who was the last person to call you? 48. Do you sing in the shower?49. Do you dance in the car? 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? 53. Is Christmas stressful? 54. Ever eat a pierogi? 55. Favorite type of fruit pie? 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? 57. Do you believe in ghosts? 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? 59. Take a vitamin daily? 60. Wear slippers? 61. Wear a bath robe? 62. What do you wear to bed? 63. First concert? 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? 65. Nike or Adidas? 66. Cheetos Or Fritos?67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? 69. Ever take dance lessons? 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? 71. Can you curl your tongue? 72. Ever won a spelling bee? 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? 74. What is your favorite book? 75. Do you study better with or without music? 76. Regularly burn incense? 77. Ever been in love? 78. Who would you like to see in concert? 79. What was the last concert you saw? 80. Hot tea or cold tea? 81. Tea or coffee? 82. Favorite type of cookie? 83. Can you swim well? 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? 85. Are you patient? 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? 87. Ever won a contest? 88. Ever have plastic surgery? 89. Which are better black or green olives? 90. Opinions on sex before marriage? 91. Best room for a fireplace? 92. Do you want to get married

[sentientcave]

Presenting Sadie Blackmoore-Price in Nobody Does it Better

Sadie wouldn't have worn this dress if she'd known that her ex-husband, SAS Major John Price would be here.

Read on AO3

Contains: Trips down memory lane, Attempts to rekindle a failed marriage, Set in the future (roughly 2032), Oral sex (F and M receiving), P in V sex, Unprotected sex (don't do this), Brief daddy kink (You can't tell me John Price doesn't love being called daddy I simply will not believe you), Tabloid mentions, Sadie is a politician (Politicians in real life aren't sexy but this is a fantasy world where the UK Secretary of Defense can be a hot MILF), One mention of possible stalking.

~7.1k - Minors and Ageless Blogs Do Not Interact -

Sadie felt his presence before the big hand landed lightly on her back. Before he leaned over her and spoke, his deep voice rumbling like thunder. “Excuse me, gents, was wondering if I could borrow the lady for a moment.”

They evaporated in an instant. John had that effect on people.

“Hi, John.” Sadie didn’t bother looking at him. Or resisted looking at him, rather. At an official function like this, he’d be wearing his dress uniform, and it always reminded her, rather unfairly, of their wedding day. And that always reminded her of him pulling her away from the reception to absolutely wreck her with his fingers and tongue, until she was so frustrated that she ended up dragging him off to their hotel room and riding his cock, both of them in too much of a rush to get undressed.

“Hello, sweetheart,” he purred, his rough fingertips gliding over her exposed back. She wouldn’t have chosen that particular dress if she’d known John would be there. “You look gorgeous.”

She turned her head slightly, eyebrows raised. “Don’t give me that, John. Your last girlfriend was nearly Scout’s age.”

“Keeping tabs on me, are you?” He steered her to the side of the room with just the barest pressure, all too easily despite her efforts to remain aloof, unaffected.

“Of course I am. I thought you were in the states this week, running those joint combat exercises with the marines.”

“Hm, is that why you wore this dress? Because you thought I was all the way across the Atlantic?” His touch skirted up her spine, hand settling on the back of her neck. “Who are you trying to impress, darling?”

“Kate and Michelle are here.”

“Ah, so they are. You hopin’ to take them home?”

Sadie shrugged, heat gathering high on her cheeks. “Might be.”

“Think I can change your mind?”

“No.”

His fingers squeezed slightly. It took everything she had not to melt all over the floor. Even after all these years apart, he still knew how to play her body like a fiddle. He leaned in close, his breath tickling her ear. “Are you so sure? I’m fairly confident that I can, and we can’t both be right.”

“What makes you think that?” Sadie scoffed, glancing around the room, looking for someone she could flag down or start a conversation with to escape, but every time she made eye contact with someone, they quickly looked away. No one quite brave enough to consider pissing off Major Price by interrupting his little reunion. It was a shame he was still so effective. It would be one hell of a power play if she could get his ass fired.

“Because you won’t look at me. I know this uniform reminds you of our wedding night.” He smiled when she finally looked over, exasperated. “There’s my Sadie.”

“John, I’m not your anything anymore. Haven’t been for a long time.”

His hand dropped to her waist, and he tugged her along beside him. If she’d had any sense, she would have shoved him away and gone home alone immediately. It wasn’t as if she was going to get any networking done with John hanging over her shoulder and making everyone nervous.

“You’ll always be mine, Sadie. You kept my name, didn’t you?”

“That doesn’t mean anything. It was for Scout—”

“Hm, that might’ve flown as an excuse ten years ago, Sadie. You’ve been married and divorced since then. Could’ve taken his last name. Could’ve dropped mine.” Somehow, he’d guided her into a side hallway, gotten her alone and isolated before she could regroup. He backed her against a wall, strong arms caging her in. “But you didn’t. Are you going to tell me that your rings aren’t hung on this little chain?” His blunt fingertips followed the thin necklace, halting short of where it disappeared under her dress.

“I hate you.”

He slipped a finger under the chain and pulled it free, her engagement and wedding rings clinking against each other faintly. “I really don’t think you do, darlin’.”

He let the rings fall, on the outside of the dress now, her inconvenient sentimentality brought to light. Sadie took a deep breath, glaring at him, readying a tirade that would make him wish he was in America like he was supposed to be.

All of those keen soldierly instincts told John exactly what she was going to do, so he struck first, diving in for a kiss before she could tear him to little pieces. And he kissed just like he used to, too much tongue, enthusiasm bordering on desperation, like he would perish if he didn’t get a proper taste of her.

For years, Sadie had been so careful to not let him get his hands on her, keeping doors and distance between them, making sure their daughter was always present when they had to be in a room together, to keep John from getting too handsy, dressing conservatively so he couldn’t stroke his clever fingers against bare skin. He’d ambushed her tonight, gotten under her guard before she’d even known he was there.

She had always known that the instant he touched her like this that she’d be helpless, all good sense thrown to the wolves as she returned the kiss, clinging to his shoulders to pull him closer, knocking the beret off his head as she ran her fingers through his thick, dark hair. He didn’t even have the decency to go bald, like most men their age. In her opinion, he looked better than he had when they were married— The last few times he’d come sniffing around looking for another chance, she’d nearly given it to him. The muttonchops would have looked ridiculous on anyone else, but it had taken considerable effort on her part not to drag him inside by the collar and kiss him senseless the first time he’d shown up with that precisely trimmed beard with a bouquet of her favourite flowers in hand (gladiolus and roses and carnations, something he’d picked out specifically, not out of some catalogue). She’d kept the flowers, and slammed the door in his face.

When her husband asked about them, she’d lied through her teeth and told him that she’d picked them up for herself on the way home.

John kissed his way across her jaw to her ear. “You still livin’ in that big flat on Knightsbridge?” he purred.

“Oh, um—” a familiar voice squeaked nervously, pulling Sadie and John’s attention to the nervous face of Sadie’s assistant, a bubbly, round-faced young woman named Emily. She eyed John with the sort of wide-eyed wariness that one might usually reserve for a wild animal. “Sorry, Madam Secretary. The French ambassador was looking for you. But I’ll, um, tell him you’ve gone home early?”

“Yes, thank you, Emily,” Sadie said, as professionally as she could with John still unashamedly feeling her up.

“Have someone bring her car around, would you, pet?” John asked, smiling wickedly at the poor girl.

Sadie nodded when Emily looked a her for confirmation, and watched as she fled the hall as fast as her sensible flat shoes could take her. “John, you couldn’t behave yourself for all of one minute?” she asked tiredly.

“Certainly not. Got about twenty years to make up for.”

“You’re not going to manage that in one night,” Sadie said, laughing and then gasping as he kissed across her collarbone and back to her neck, tongue dragging across her pulse. “And you’re not getting more than one night.” He hummed, unconvinced, teeth finding purchase at the junction of her neck and shoulder. She hung on to him tightly, the solid bulk of his body the only thing keeping her upright. “John, come on, let’s go wait for the ca-a-ar,” her voice broke on the last word as he pinched her nipple through the fabric of her dress. “John, please, just wait till we get home.” She regretted the phrasing instantly. “Back to mine, I mean.”

Too late. He pulled back to look at her, eyes shining with clear, wicked intention. “Home, huh?” He pressed his forehead to hers, so that she couldn’t escape looking right at him.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Oh? But it’s what you said, isn’t it?” His fingers closed around the rings, and he tugged lightly, snapping the thin chain, his other hand tracing along the outside of her left arm to find her wrist. The chain slipped through his fingers to the floor.

“John, what are you doing?” Sadie asked.

“Something I should’ve done years ago,” he replied, lifting her hand so he could slot the rings back onto her finger. He brushed a kiss across her knuckles, eyes sparkling. “Now, lets get home hm? Want to see if that pretty cunt tastes as good as I remember.” He stepped back, keeping his hand closed around hers so that she couldn’t take the rings back off to fling them at him, and stooped down to grab his hat, fixing it back into place.

“John, we’re not together again, this is not going to be— John!” She squeaked, a thoroughly undignified sound, as he scooped her off her feet, holding her against his chest in a bridal carry. “You’re going to make a scene!” she hissed. “Don’t— No, don’t go that way!”

The stares that landed on them as John carried her through the main room were humiliating, to say the least. She accidentally made eye contact with the French ambassador, who winked at her. He’d probably only just gotten her excuse from Emily, and now he knew that she was lying and leaving with her ex-husband. She was sure to be the centre of some truly ridiculous gossip for a little while.

John smiled wolfishly, pleased as punch that they were getting looks, striding across the room like he owned the entire world. He’d always been arrogant, so sure of himself, and it had only gotten worse, twenty years of experience telling him that he could have anything he wanted, so long as he possessed the will to reach out and take it. He was laying claim, telling everyone in the room, her colleagues, friends, acquaintance and strangers, that she was his. Maybe in his mind, she had never been anything else.

“You’re awful, you know that, don’t you?” Sadie asked. “I should never have married you.”

“I know. But don’t say that. We’d never have had Scout if we hadn’t.”

“That’s true. I suppose I’m glad we did then.” As if Sadie could ever regret their daughter, that was so much like her, and so much like John, and somehow so much better than the both of them.

"We could have more. It's not too late," he murmured, leaning in close.

Sadie caught the gleam of a camera lens and quickly put her hand up to obscure as much of John's face as she could, realizing half a moment too late that she'd just flashed her wedding rings at the bloody press. "John, I am forty-six years old. I'm not having more children."

He smiled. "Sure I can't convince you? Another girl, just like Scout? Or maybe a son, as smart and driven as you are, my nose and your eyes." He ignored the few shouted questions and loaded her into the car that idled beside Emily. "Thanks, duck," he said, sliding in beside Sadie. "I've got her from here."

"Do you need a ride home, darling?" Sadie asked, leaning across John and speaking through the rolled down window. "I don't want to leave you all alone. Ben can drop us at my building and take you home."

Emily nodded and slid into the front seat. "Thank you, ma'am. I was going to call a cab."

"No, absolutely not. I know Ben would be happy to drive you anywhere you need. Don't hesitate to ask him." Sadie reached forward and patted the driver on the shoulder. “Right, Ben?”

He grinned at her through the rearview mirror. “Of course, ma’am. Miss Emily is my second favourite passenger.”

“He’s angling for a raise,” Sadie said to John, laughing. “And he is about due for one, by my accounting.”

“Wouldn’t know, ma’am,” Ben said blithely.

John’s hand landed on Sadie’s thigh. He’d always been a bit of a jealous bastard, even in situations like this one, where it made no sense for him to be. Even if Ben were not her employee, he was at least fifteen years younger, and she was fairly sure he had a little crush on Emily. But what did she know, really? She had never been that good at identifying those kind of feelings, in herself or others. Always had to rely on what people told her. She recognized fear, ambition, could spot a lie like it was lit up with a neon sign. When it came to love, she compared everything and everyone to John, and no one ever matched his intensity.

There was no doubt that they would be fighting within a day, and that she’d throw him out after three, on the outside, but there was still something between them. He had that same mischievous glint in those blue eyes as he had the day they’d met at some house party one of her friend’s older sisters had thrown. John had been a friend of a friend of the sister’s boyfriend, there more by chance than anything else. He’d punched out some creep that had been all over her, and of course, that meant that she was his girl, from then on.

Other than a kiss that shook her whole world to it’s foundations, the first few months of their relationship had been conducted by letters and emails and text messages, each with separate conversations. He was smart, as well as handsome and tough, and he wrote directly, bluntly, dryly, interspersed with sentences that read more like poetry. The sky is red, this morning, like the dress you wore, like the lipstick marks you left on my collar. I thought missing you would feel blue.

How could she do anything except jump into his arms when she saw him next?

He asked her to marry him three times-- She'd said no the first two, because she was young, still in college, still figuring herself out, and yes the third, because he was persistent, because he loved her, because he wanted to know she'd be taken care of if anything happened to him. As if there was any risk, really. She came from a wealthy family, old money on her father's side and new on her mother's. Her parents made him sign a prenup, and bought them a house as a wedding present. Or bought Sadie a house, rather, and John lived there whenever he was home. The distance might have chafed for anyone else, but Sadie liked having time to herself, to focus on school, her friends, the summer work at her father's arms manufacturing facility. John was like a vacation from everything else, a whirlwind that hit a few times a year.

Then he'd started talking about family, about having kids, about turning that pleasant whirlwind of affection into a tornado that would last all year, all of every day. She'd aborted the first pregnancy, too scared to tell John-- She still hadn't told him-- but she didn't have the same excuses when the next pregnancy took root. Sadie graduated eight months pregnant with Scout.

The problem with being a mother, was that she was expected to put so much on hold. John had been out in the field when Scout was born, and she'd been alone for the first few months, barely holding it together. John's mother had been a great help, coming a few times a week to help her tidy up and make sure she was eating, but she resented John his freedom. She hated him for being far away, for fatherhood changing nothing for him and everything for her.

John’s facial hair tickled her ear when he leaned in close. They were just pulling up to he building now. “Where’d you go, Sadie?”

She let him help her out of the car, and bid goodbye to Ben and Emily before responding. “Just thinking about where it all went wrong.”

He sighed, hurt flashing in his eyes. “Come on, Sadie. You don’t want to think about that.”

“Someday, I’d love to stop thinking about it,” she said, forcing a laugh.

“I know where it went wrong,” John said, crowding her into the lift and pressing her up against the wall before she could press the button for her floor. “I never should have let you kick me out. Should’ve worked it out right then and there.”

“Your way of working things out never fixed anything, John. Just made us forget a little while.” She sighed, smoothing her hands down the front of his jacket. “Maybe you should just go. This is a bad idea.”

John quickly leaned over and hit the button for the top floor. “It’s not a bad idea, Sadie. We still belong together.”

That kind of talk was the exact reason why she shouldn’t even consider rekindling anything. He wanted a night or two of passion to mean something more, and she couldn’t let it be more. But the lift doors opened, and he ushered her out into her foyer, kissing the back of her shoulder and neck while she unlocked the door. He didn’t give her a chance to try to shut him out, using every dirty trick he could think of to keep he off balance. She offered him a drink, hoping to prolong things, talk for a moment, and he accepted, but he pushed her over the back of her couch as soon they reached it, and sank to the floor behind her, pushing her dress up over her hips.

“John!” she complained. “That’s not what I meant by—” The sharp snk of a blade opening, the back of the blade running along her skin cut her off. He sawed through the silky fabric of her panties in seconds, rather than contend with the garter clips and stockings. He’d always had a thing for garter belts.

“Sorry?” he asked. “What were you saying?”

“I—” She bit back a whimper as he licked across her cunt, the tip of his tongue parting her folds to taste her. His hands slid up her thighs to her ass, squeezing appreciatively.

“Didn’t quite catch that, love.” His voice was a bit breathy, like the smallest taste of her was enough to knock the wind out of him.

“Oh shut up, John,” Sadie said crossly. “You’re doing that on purpose!”

He chuckled, biting down hard on her ass. Probably intentionally trying to leave a mark, the bastard. For all his bluff and bluster, he knew just as well as she did that this was only temporary, and he wanted to make sure she remembered it for a long while afterwards. She tried to kick him, but he just caught her leg and pushed it up and to the side, giving himself more room as he pressed his face to her cunt and started feasting on her, groaning.

The sounds he made were filthy— It was almost impressive how much John could make it seem like eating pussy was more for him than for her— and it seemed more that he was getting reacquainted with a long lost love than actively trying to get her off. Still, he knew exactly what he was doing, like he’d memorized the steps to have her come apart on his tongue, tight circles around her clit with the tip of his tongue, hard sucks that he pulled away from with a slick, wet pop, licking into her hole and lapping up arousal, growling and groaning, hands holding her in place with a bruising grip.

He brought her to the edge three times, but didn’t tip her over. He wanted her begging. It wasn’t enough for him that she was practically sobbing into the couch cushions, breath catching, crying out desperately. Well, she wasn’t going to entertain the notion. “John, if you don’t make me come in the next thirty seconds, I’m going to kick you out and call someone who will.”

He laughed, surmising that she didn’t exactly have a list of casual lovers that she could call up on a moments notice (not entirely accurate, with Kate and her wife in town), or maybe thinking she was joking (she wasn’t), but he picked up the pace regardless, sliding two thick fingers into her cunt and replacing his tongue with his thumb. “Impatient as always,” he chastised her. “You can come, baby. Come all over daddy’s fingers.”

His voice was so sexy now, roughened by age and years of smoking. It was hard to say if it was that growled command or the over-stimulation, or the way he curled his fingers inside her that sent her into cataclysm, but she came hard, legs shaking, muffling her cry in the cushions. He continued the cruel-clever movement of his fingers to draw out her orgasm.

“Fuck, gorgeous girl, I missed this pussy. Just as tight and wet as I remember.”

Sadie pushed herself up on shaking arms as he withdrew his fingers. She tried to think of something appropriately cutting, but she hadn’t come like that in ages, and it was a bit flattering to think that she had changed so little in all the years. He had changed— Not just the timbre of his voice, but the patience of his touch, the way he sought to unravel her completely, show her that experience had only made him better.

He wrapped an arm around her and dragged her upright, onto legs that wobbled like a newborn fawn, still recovering. He pulled her close, pressing a kiss to the back of her neck, breathing her in. “Can’t believe you still wear the same perfume,” he said wistfully. “I like this one.”

“I usually don’t. I felt like doing something different.” Sadie swatted at him playfully, laughing despite herself when he rubbed his face against her shoulder. “John, your beard is soaked,” she complained.

She could feel his grin. “And who’s fault is that?”

“Yours! You decided to grow that silly thing.” She turned in his arms, tipping her head to the side while she studied him. “I do think it suits you.”

“Yeah?” He puffed up slightly from the praise, eyes sparkling with mirth. “You don’t think I look old now?” he asked, keeping his tone light, hiding real insecurity under that teasing facade.

“No. Seasoned. Experienced, maybe. But not old yet.” Sadie carded her fingers through his hair, smiling to reassure him that she meant it. “I think you look better now than you did twenty years ago.”

Something in his eyes turns soft, loving. “You think so?”

“Of course I do. Now stop looking at me like that.” She kissed him, tasting herself on his lips, salt and sweet. “You know we can’t get back together, John. You only think it would work because you’re just remembering the good parts. I know they were really good, but there’s no road back.”

“I’m not askin’ for things to be the same, Sadie.” He brushed his knuckles against her spine, the other hand anchored on her hip, keeping her close. “Maybe things could be better now.” He swayed, moving her along with him, turning slow circles like they were dancing.

“John,” Sadie said softly. “I can’t give you what you need. You still want a family, more kids, a wife who wants to be at home to raise them with you. We can’t turn back the clock, and even if we could, that wasn’t the life for me then, and it’s definitely not for me now.”

“I still love you.” And god help her, he meant it.

“I know, John. I love you too. I always will. But—”

He kissed her again, a long, lingering one that sent prickles down her spine. He didn’t want to hear it, still wanted to draw out the delusion a little longer. “Let me take you to bed.” He spoke with a voice laced with devotion, near zealotry. Too stubborn to stop worshipping at the alter of their failed marriage, still trying to rebuild a house that had burned down long ago. John Price hated to admit defeat, hated to be wrong.

“Alright,” she whispered it back, as if trying to sneak it past good sense and self-preservation. Those parts of herself would have to cede ground tonight, relent enough for them both to get this out of their systems.

Once more, with feeling. Just one night for them to pretend that what was broken could be fixed, that there was something to rebuild on that old foundation, even though they both knew better.

John picked her up again and carried her to her bedroom. Funny that he remembered the way so well, even though he had only been to the apartment a handful of times, and not once had been invited to her room. Of course, knowing John, he’d broken in dozens more times and been over every inch of the place. Something that probably should have bothered her, but just felt par for the course. He might have still been in love with a girl long gone, but she knew well the kind of man her first husband had become. A General in all but name, someone who controlled the battlefield, commanded respect, and saw obstacles as inconveniences overcome with enough grit and determination. Boundaries were just lines in the sand, erased and rewritten on a whim.

He set her down and turned her, undoing the buttons that held the halter straps of the dress around her neck, and then ran his hands over the sides of the dress, searching for the zipper. He found it quickly, and Sadie let the gown slip to the floor, her heels clicking as she stepped free from the pool of silky material and turned toward John, turning her face up for a kiss while she loosened his tie and he shed his jacket, throwing it behind him blindly. She took her time with the buttons of his shirt, revealing an expanse of dark hair thick over powerful muscle. Yet another part of him that had improved with age.

John tossed the shirt in the same direction as his jacket, and stilled her hands when she reached his belt. “Greedy girl,” he said smugly. “But you’re going to have to ask nicely if you want daddy’s cock.”

An old tactic that used to fluster her. At least all of his tricks didn’t still turn her into a useless puddle of need. Sadie kissed him again, nipping at his lower lip, fingernails dragging down his neck lightly. “Please?”

“Please what, sweetheart?” he asked.

Her fingertips trailed down his chest. “I didn’t make you beg, did I?”

“No, you just made me wait twenty bloody years.” John grinned, cupping her face and pulling her in for yet another kiss, like he couldn’t get enough of her, reminded of simpler times, when they both were young, optimistic and in love. No one kissed like John did, like he needed her more than air. His fingers carded back into her hair, scattering pins all over the floor, her careful updo undone. He steered her backwards until her knees hit the bed, and pushed her down gently, pulling his mouth away from hers as he straightened back up.

“You know why I stayed away, John. We both needed to move on. And you did.” She hooked her fingers into his belt and tugged him closer, parting her thighs so he could stand between them. The rings on her finger winked at her in the low light, reminding her that it wasn’t him that had struggled to move on.

As if there was anyone else that even compared.

She kissed his stomach, appreciating the soft layer he’d accumulated over the past few years of desk work, hands planted on his thighs. She looked up at him through her lashes. “Are you going to let me take care of you?”

“Since you asked so pretty,” he said, his beautiful hands finally dropping to the belt buckle, making a show of freeing his cock while she waited impatiently. He gave himself a few rough strokes, his other hand settling in her hair to keep her from leaning forward until he gave her the go ahead. She hated to admit it, but this was the cock that she measured all else against. Thick, just the right length to fill her completely without it becoming painful, and pretty, uncut, the tip flushed pink. “Show me that tongue, Sadie,” he growled.

She obeyed, opening her mouth wide and sticking her tongue out for him.

He tapped his cock against her tongue, smearing salty pre across it. She tried to dip forward and take him into her mouth, but John held her back by her hair, grinning down at her. "So eager for me. Did you miss this cock, Sadie? None of your little boyfriends ever compared, did they?"

"No," she said, and it was the truth. No one had ever compared to him— It seemed unfair that she'd met him so young, that he'd ruined her for anyone else before she even knew how rare men like him were. He was flawed, yes, deeply flawed, and she'd never been soft enough to accommodate his sharp edges, but he made love the same way he made war, fully, completely, with his entire being. "None of them have even been half as good."

That seemed to please the proud, jealous animal in his chest. His blue eyes glittered with satisfaction, and he let her lean forward to close her lips around the tip of his cock.

The sound he made when she did ran down Sadie's spine like electricity. Another thing she’d always liked about him. He was appreciative as she licked and sucked and stroked his cock, vocal, growling out praise like he couldn’t bear to stop, a litany of good girl, and fuck, just like that, and god, you look so beautiful like this and more that she could barely make out, like he had lost his ability to enunciate the moment she swallowed around the tip of his cock. It was tough to take him that far— Her jaw ached already from the effort of keeping her teeth away from sensitive skin, but it was worth it for the way his knees shook, the hands buried in her hair gripping so tight that she couldn’t help but moan.

That was what pushed him over the edge. The thought that she enjoyed it as much as he did. “Fuck, Sades, m’gonna—” He couldn’t even finish the sentence before he came, spilling thick, hot spend over her tongue. She swallowed it down, licking any trace of it from his too sensitive cock, until he growled and pulled her away. “Bloody hell, you’ve learned some new tricks.”

“Of course I have.” She leaned back on one hand, watching him shed the rest of his clothes while she ran her other thumb under her bottom lip, rubbing away the pale remnants of lipstick that had been bright red earlier in the evening, until John kissed most of it away. There was probably some smeared on the couch cushions too. “It has been twenty years.”

John dropped down to one knee and picked up her foot, unbuckling the strap of her shoe and easing it off. “Far too long, darlin’. Missed you somethin’ fierce.” He dug his thumb into the arch of her foot, humming contentedly when she sighed and sank back onto her elbows. “There’s never been anyone that compared to you either.”

“Flatterer.”

“I’m serious, Sadie. No one. I hate that we weren’t together all this time. Should’ve been better for you. Should’ve listened more.” The blue of his eyes in the low lamplight was sincere, piercing, like he needed her to understand just how grievously sincere he was, how much he meant it.

That was John, though. A man that couldn’t give up his vices, no matter how much they hurt him. Conviction that would outlive the earth and all the stars in the sky. At the end of the universe, it would just be John, gripping tight to what remained, jaws sunk deep into what he couldn’t bear to let go of.

“I let you go for a reason, John. Love isn’t always enough. You wanted me to be something I wasn’t, and I couldn’t be what you needed. I could hardly be what Scout needed. I probably failed there.” She reached out, brushing her fingertips through his hair and down the side of his neck. “I wanted you to find someone else. I was a bad wife and a terrible mother.”

His eyes dropped, hands moving to take off her other shoe, mouth set in a grim, unhappy line. “You weren’t. I should’ve been there. You kept telling me you needed me there, and I didn’t listen.”

“It’s in the past.” Nothing could be changed at that point. Sadie wasn’t sure that she would have changed anything. “You have to forgive yourself, John. It’s not your fault things didn’t work, and it’s not mine either. Sometimes People just don’t belong together. We would have made each other miserable.”

“I still think we could make it work.”

“Ever the optimist,” Sadie teased. “Let’s not worry about tomorrow, John. Let me show you how much I missed you.”

That spurred John to his feet. “You just did, darlin’. I think it’s my turn again.”

They settled closer to the head of the bed, his arms wrapped around her possessively while they kissed. Some of the frenetic energy of earlier was gone now, need giving way to want. The enthusiasm from earlier was still present, but John set a languid, easy pace as he licked into her mouth, matching faded anamnesis to new reality, committing every detail to memory. His hands roamed, pulling her tighter against him, as though hoping to pull her into his own skin, desperate for reconnection, apprehensive of the severance they both knew would come. His touch was none too gentle, palms pressed firmly to skin as he explored every inch of her. He needed to map and catalogue the terrain, ever the soldier, familiarizing himself with the field of battle.

She allowed herself a similar exploration, skimming her fingertips over powerful muscle, petting through he thicket of hair on his chest, tracing new and old scars alike. The foundation was much the same, but the topography had changed, the unkindness of the years writ plain across his skin.

Her fingers wandered further down. It was hard not to break the kiss with a smile when he made a soft sound of surprise. Was he so unused to initiation? Perhaps that was the downside of partnering with younger women not yet comfortable with their own desires. Although Sadie was fairly certain that she’d never had any trouble taking what she wanted. Sentiment echoed by John when he pulled back slightly, grinning, as she wrapped her fingers around his cock again. “Impatient girl,” he grumbled. “Some things really don’t change.”

“I don’t recall that being a problem for you.” He was already half hard, twitching with interest at just a few gentle strokes, tip nudging against her thigh. “But we are getting older, aren’t we?” she asked, biting back a laugh at his scandalized expression. “I can be patient for you, daddy.”

His eyes sparked hot again. That was still a sure-fire way to get his engines rumbling back to life, his cock swelling under her fingers. “I don’t think you can, sweetheart. S’not in your nature.” He knocked her hand away, making room between their bodies for his thick fingers to slot between her legs. “So fuckin’ wet. All from takin’ care of me?”

Sadie nodded, hooking her leg over his hips to give him more room. “You always make it worth my while.”

John’s fingers parted her slick folds, rubbing soft circles around her clit, kissing her again, drinking her whimpered reactions from her lips, too greedy and covetous to waste them on the room around them. He brought her to the brink, focused on her clit until her legs started shaking, until she tucked her head down against his chest, too dizzy to let him steal any more of her breath.

“You gonna come for me, sweetheart?” John asked wickedly, curling forward so he could kiss the spot in front of her ear. “Need you to before I fuck you. Be a good girl for me.”

Sadie pressed her face into his chest, nails digging into his shoulders, a desperate attempt to ground herself before he had her arching into his touch, crying out, toes curling as her orgasm tore through her body, leaving her shaking and blinking away stars.

His touch slowed, turning gentle to coax her through it. “There we go. Good girl, Sadie. Always so perfect for me.” Satisfied that the last echoes had begun to fade away, he rolled on top of her, one hand planted on he bed while he lined himself up with her sensitive cunt and pushed in slowly, his eyes glued to her face, searching for any hint of discomfort. He stilled for a moment when he hilted fully inside her. “Fuck. You still feel like heaven, Sadie. Still feel like you’re made for me.”

Although she was loathe to admit it, she felt the same way. He felt perfect inside her, just thick enough for the stretch to burn pleasantly, just long enough to fill her completely without ramming into her cervix on every thrust. No one fit just right except John, as if he had carved out a place for himself all those years ago, and she’d always been waiting for him to come home. She pitched her hips up to give him a better angle, winding her arms around his neck so she could drag him down for another kiss. He started to move slowly, shallow, grinding thrusts that hit every sensitive spot inside her, as though he couldn’t bear to pull away even for as long as it took to push back in.

"John, please," she murmured against his lips, hardly moving away enough to speak.

John reared back and hooked her legs over his arms, gripping her hips tightly so he could drill into her with purpose. She pressed her hands against the headboard to keep them from inching up the bed, a breathless laugh turning to a moan. He watched her though half lidded eyes, the fondness in his expression countering the almost animal way he fucked her, hips snapping into her hard, hitting that spongy spot with every thrust, all the accuracy of a sniper even now. “I love you,” he growled, one hand sliding across her hip, thumb zeroing in on her clit. “Has anyone ever made you feel like I do, Sadie?”

She yelped, overstimulated, but arching into his touch anyway, greedy for anything he could give her still. “No one,” she panted. “Never.”

“That’s right,” he dropped down, folding her legs up toward her chest, hardly interrupting his pace, although the change in angle had Sadie crying out, legs shaking. She wrapped her arms around him to keep him close, manicured nails digging into his back. “You’re still mine. You’ll always be mine.”

In that moment it was hard to argue, especially with her own body agreeing with him, her cunt gripping him tight in response to his possessive words. She pressed her face into his shoulder rather than answer, biting down hard as everything reached a crescendo, muffling her scream. John groaned in her ear, the sensation of her coming around him, of her teeth buried in his shoulder hard enough to bruise sending him over with her. She could feel the hot throb as he came inside her as deeply as he could, filling her up as if he meant to mark her as his forever, like he forgot their age and still hoped to make good on his dreams of breeding her again, picking their life up from where they dropped it so long ago.

Sadie let her head hit the mattress, but didn’t let go, arms and legs still locked tight around him. He panted, kissing her neck, more of his weight dropping down on top of her as his limbs grew heavy.

After a moment, he pulled himself together enough to untuck his head and kiss her again, until she finally let him go.

It was strange how they fell into a familiar routine after, cleaning themselves up, brushing their teeth side by side, watching each other in the mirror, just like they used to. He teased her for having so many little bottles of goop to layer on her face after she washed up, but he didn’t go anywhere either. They changed the sheets, laughing about the rather pronounced wet spot they’d left, and finally fell into it, wrapped up together to sleep.

Sadie slid out of bed in the morning, gently untangling herself from John. He made a grumpy, sleepy sound, cracking open his eyes in the weak gray light.

“Come back here,” he grumbled, reaching across the bed, fingers brushing her back, not quite fast enough to snag her and pull her back in. “Not done with you.”

“I’ll just be a moment. I’m going to start coffee so it’s ready when you are done with me.”

John rolled onto his back, tucking his hands behind his head and watching her pull a robe on, blue eyes hot. “I never will be.”

Sadie sent a fond look over her shoulder and padded into the kitchen, making coffee on auto-pilot, snagging her phone out of her abandoned purse to check her emails quickly on the way back to the bedroom. Nothing pressing, although a text came in just as she was about to set it down. John snagged her around the waist and pulled her onto the bed, curling around her to peer over her shoulder.

Scout: Hey, what the hell is this?

Sadie laughed as she opened the link that came through a moment later, tilting her phone so John could see the picture better. One of the pictures that had been snagged outside Westminster last night, with John carrying her, a red circle in the corner of the image a zoom in on the rings on her finger, with the headline Sadie’s Choice.

Scout: I’ll save you the read, but apparently you’re quite the heart-breaker in the house of commons.

Scout: Are you and dad getting back together?

John kissed Sadie’s shoulder, tugging the phone out of her hand and gently tossing it onto the side table. “You can answer that later. I’m not quite finished making my case.”

She let John pull her down on top of him, still smiling as she kissed him.

It couldn’t hurt to hear him out.

Image Credits: Title Card 1 - 2 - Dividers

Graphics made in Canva by me!

[bethanydelleman]

Estimated Sexual Abilities of Austen Men

In no particular order within tier

Edits added in blue based on your reblogs and careful consideration

Top Tier:

Mr. Mainwaring: to have the near undying loyalty of the exceedingly selfish Lady Susan, this man must be a sex god

Henry Crawford: he knows he’s not handsome, he wants women to love him, he'd put in the work. Also one of the only men to be rated by a woman who has had sex before.

Henry Tilney: he cares about things women like, high emotional intelligence, and extremely kind.

Frederick Wentworth: passion and experience (I imagine), also has high emotional intelligence when he’s not being a dufus.

Colonel Brandon: passionate, thinks about other people’s feelings a lot, self-sacrificial

John Knightley: I think there’s a good reason that they keep banging out those kids

Admiral Croft: I cannot believe I left him off, obviously amazing in bed because he respects his wife as his equal and is very fun. You are telling me they spend all their time together and don't have amazing sex? No freaking way!

Good Tier:

William Price: athletic, cares about his sister a lot (good sign), and gives good presents. He’s only nineteen in the story which is why he has room to improve.

Captain Harville: Obviously

Mr. Morland: dude isn’t even on page, but in my head Mrs. Morland enjoyed making all ten of those children.

Colonel Fitzwilliam: I think he’d be good, but not awesome. He'll probably be wasted on a mercenary marriage.

Charles Bingley: I get the feeling he’d be on a race to the end, and maybe not the best communicator at first. Will improve.

Mr. Gardiner: Just because he’s awesome and seems to respect women

Captain Benwick: poetry and passion!

Robert Martin: seems like a pretty romantic guy, also works on a farm so probably athletic.

John Willoughby: Mostly because of experience, but he is also pretty passionate. He’s also super hot, Miss Grey knew what she was getting into. But this guy can only go downhill from here.

Reginald De Courcy: He’s a sweetheart, an occasionally dumb sweetheart

Mr. Bennet: Is he lazy in most domains of life? Yes. But Mrs. Bennet wasn’t just trying for that heir, I’m telling you folks. Maybe he's just trying to make her unable to talk 😉

George Knightley: Promoted to good tier, I do think he's very caring, but he also is always sure HE is right, which may be a problem.

John Yates: Maybe not the most selfless person, but he's got passion and he does love his wife. Probably very into roleplay.

Mediocre but can improve tier:

Fitzwilliam Darcy: he’s a bit stiff... I think it might take some time for him to get good at it (demoted to this tier because he will need time to improve)

Frank Churchill: He’s got passion, but he’s so darn selfish and doesn’t seem to send that much time thinking about Jane’s feelings

Edward Ferrars: I just see him being a nervous wreak the first few times, it’ll get better (Note: I think Lucy is way too smart to have had sex without a wedding date)

James Morland: Dude, I’m just disappointed with you in general. Being led by lust, not protecting your sister. I hope you grow a lot before you try to get engaged again.

Charles Musgrove: could be good, but Mary never seems to appreciate the effort he puts in so he kind of gave up

Tom Bertram: Selfish, never has to try for anything, but he did reform so maybe he can get better here too.

Edmund Bertram: Repressed and selfish. He needs to actually start listening to what women say if he’s going to improve and there is a whole book of him doing exactly the opposite...

Mr. Elton: selfish, full of himself, and low emotional intelligence, however, I think he does love his wife so he is willing to put in some effort for her.

Just bad:

James Rushworth: Maria was not impressed at all, despite how much “taller” he was

Captain Tilney: riding on good looks and money, selfish

John Thorpe: Selfish and he never shuts up. I have trouble imaging him getting a woman to sleep with him without paying her.

George Wickham: selfish and good looking, he’s not doing any work. He thinks you should be honoured to sleep with him.

Robert Ferrars: selfish and not even good looking. There is nothing here. Lucy did not win people.

Mr. Woodhouse: I can’t even imagine, if he didn’t have children I’d say he was a virgin

Mr. Collins: The woman he is trying to please is not his wife.

Mr. Elliot: cruel to his first wife and not even handsome!

Sir Walter Elliot: I don’t think any part of his personality would tend toward being a “giver”, however, if you like mirrors...

John Dashwood: exactly the opposite of a “giver”

Mr. Price: the guy had 11 children in 14 years so I wish I could say he was better in bed. My suspicion is that he started in the good tier and has had a very slow fall into just bad. And all that alcohol, ug...

Dr. Grant: Noted for being a whiney, selfish glutton. Hopefully he just falls asleep before he can attempt anything because I can't imagine him being that good in bed.

General Tilney: If you don't want to even try to imagine their sex life, they go in this tier. And he is so freaking controlling!

No Data: We interviewed Lady Bertram for information on Sir Thomas, but she confessed that with full consent, she has always fallen asleep during sex. Given her personality, we decided that this information has no bearing on Sir Thomas’s abilities. She did say that giving birth was, “Very disagreeable.”

Mr. Hurst: I really can't decide with him because while he does love the finer things in life, we don't know exactly why he and Louisa married. More info required.

Criteria: In the domain of F/M sex, communication is key, so we need a man who is willing to listen to what women say. Also, selfishness is obviously a negative trait when it comes to a happy sexual partner of either gender. Some of this is just vibes, but I think there is a fair amount of canon information about how much men respect women, especially their sisters. 

Feel very free to fight me in the reblogs. The only hill I will die on is that Henry Crawford’s rating is correct 😉

[legitalicat]

Out of Time

Chapter 5 - "Oh Brother, I've Returned"

an: While it does not fit this chapter entirely, I listened to "Brother" by Madds Buckley a lot during this chapter. As an older sister who moved out when my younger sibling was under 10, I feel the guilt of being gone while your siblings grow up without you. I highly recommend that song.

If you love this header go check out zaldritzosrose for more amazing work! She is tagged on the series masterlist and on my welcome post!

Find the series Master list here!

Summary: "It is not a ridiculous notion to fear what we do not know. Yet you cannot let your fears keep you from them."

TW: Anxiety, profanity, angst, dead daddy issues, literal bone crushing hugs, substance use, fear of addiction, detailed descriptions of Viserys I death, descriptions of severe pain, Vizzy is not a good parent, Aemond and Jace making a scene at dinner AGAIN, very large and physically intimidating men, Jaehaerys being very much a brother, Joffrey and Luke being little shithead brothers,

Romantic Pairings: Very brief focus on Aemond Targaryen x Velaryon!Reader, Very brief focus on Jacaerys Velaryon x Twin!Reader, Aegon Targaryen ii x Velaryon!Reader.

Other characters shining in this chapter: Ser Erryk, Jaehaera Targaryen, Lucerys Velaryon, Joffrey Velaryon, Aegon iii, Viserys Targaryen ii, Rhaenyra Targaryen, Alicent Hightower

Word count: 6.6k (oops)

The fuzzy feelings disappeared by late afternoon. A bright side was that I was absolutely starving when dinner time came. When I stood from my bed, I found I still had no pain. It was great to be able to walk across the room in less than five minutes.

I met Ser Erryk just outside my room. He greeted me as he always did, cheerful and just seemingly grateful. He spoke to me of the apparent menu for the night. We were to have braised goose with roasted chestnuts and cabbage.

“You like goose?” I asked him as we walked.

“I do, princess. It is greasy, so unappealing to some. I believe your mother is among them,” he said, smiling at me.

“It was a joke of sorts, between her and my father. A discussion they had before they were married. She likes to have it every so often as a way to remember him,” I told him.

It was true enough. The reason why Ser Laenor was who claimed us was apparent to me when I thought of him. He was never without the company of a male companion. When we first went to Dragonstone, he brought a young knight. Joffrey is named after a knight he knew in his youth, whose death devastated him in unimaginable ways. He loved them both deeply and in a way he could never love Mother.

It was known to her before they married, so when she spoke to him of the marriage, she assured him it would not impose on his life. She equated it to taste, saying like her, he preferred roast duck to goose. There was nothing wrong with that. Some people just like things and that was that.

After his death, I found Mother would request goose for our dinner. When I pointed out that he had never picked it out himself, she told me that was the point. The goose was meant to represent their effort in marriage, and for her it was a way to honor him. She had so much love for him, and he for her, even if it was not the type of love she shared with my blood father or even Daemon.

I truly believe they were soulmates. Most believed that soulmates were romantic, that it always ended with love and sex and all those things that made people gooey inside. There was not a person alive, though, that could convince me Mother and Laenor did not belong together in life even though they were not in love. You cannot have a best friend like that and tell me that the gods did not design you for that person.

Often I think how there was nobody better than Laenor to have been with her. Yes, my father and her loved one another in a way most wouldn’t understand. Yes, Daemon seems an equal match for her now. And yes, Laenor had loved his male companions the way he perhaps should’ve loved the one he married. But they understood each other on a fundamental level. They never begrudged one another, never showed anything to us that wasn’t pure love and respect for not only us but one another. Even if it were not romantic love, they were made to love each other.

“Ser Laenor was a good man. I think he would be proud of who you are,” he told me. “I truly believe that.”

Sometimes I didn’t know how to feel about Ser Laenor. He was not my blood. His opinions on me truly held no bearing in the grand scheme of things, as he was never who I had to impress. My inheritance would’ve never come from him.

But anytime I heard he would be proud of me, I wanted to beg for more. Blood or not he was my father. He was the man who claimed me. He loved me. How could I not want him to be proud of me?

“Thank you, Ser Erryk. I appreciate it,” I whispered, trying to not let my voice crack under the emotion.

We continued walking along without speaking any further. I could hear music and laughter as we approached the Small Hall. Don’t let the name fool you, though. Located in the Tower of the Hand, it had to be smaller than the Great Hall where the Throne sat, but this hall still held over two hundred people if so desired. With a family so large, it made sense to have our dinners here.

Erryk went to open the door but I reached out my hand to grab his before he could. The sounds of the ones I love being happy on the other side of this door terrified me. We were all mostly happy that night, the night I disappeared. At least we were for a moment in time.

My finger tips went numb and my bottom lip was trembling. It had been hard enough just being alone with those I’ve had time with already. But to see all of them, all at once, felt like it was an impossible task.

I had yet to speak to any of my brothers other than Jace. Trying to face the very distinct possibility of Little Aegon and Viserys disliking me felt like my stomach was being tied in knots. Joffrey was fourteen now, what if he didn’t like me either? Or if Luke was angry with me, somehow blaming me for being gone, I don’t think I could take it.

So much time had been lost. I was newly eighteen when I disappeared, now Jace and I were fast approaching twenty four. Aemond had been nineteen, Helaena twenty, Aegon twenty two, and Luke just fifteen. We all had so much time together. But Joffrey had only been nine, Little Aegon four, and Viserys only two. I had missed such a grand portion of their lives, even more when thinking of the year I was in King’s Landing beforehand, I didn’t think I could fit.

“We can go back if you wish,” Erryk said quietly to me. “I will make some excuse as to why you remain in your rooms. They needn’t know.”

“What kind of person is scared of their family for no reason?” I whispered to him, looking at him as a tear slowly rolled down my cheek.

It would maybe make sense if they had been terrible to me. But even the worst among them treated me as though I was golden. Alicent, who had undoubtedly been abhorrent to Mother and my brothers to the point she demanded all of us be brought to her when Mother was fresh from her labors, had loved me. I could distinctly remember sitting on her lap as a small child while my grandsire told Jace and I about the Kingdoms the would one day be ours.

“The first time Arryk and I went home after we were appointed to the Kingsguard, I was certain our parents would shut the door in our face,” he told me. “How could they not? I mean we were the only two heirs to our house and we both took an oath that forbade us from having lands, having a wife, having children. We effectively ended our house with us. But all our parents cared about was that we were happy and safe. It is not a ridiculous notion to fear what we do not know. Yet you cannot let your fears keep you from them.”

I could not look him in the eye. Part of me was so ashamed to feel as scared that I did. To me, it was a ridiculous notion. I’m the blood of the dragon, how could I fear anything?

He put his other hand over top mine, that still held onto him like my life depended on it. That was what let me meet his gaze. He truly looked at me with nothing but kindness in his eyes.

“When you were a girl, it is not that you were fearless. It is that you have always loved so fiercely your own fears did not stop you. When you sabotaged the soil stores so that the garden bugs would not die, you faced your mother, Queen Alicent, and your grandsire with tears in your eyes. You were scared of being in trouble, of having done something wrong. Even so, you held Helaena’s hand and explained why you did it. The night of Aemond’s injury, you were scared to anger everyone in explaining what happened. Yet, what mattered to you was the truth and so you told the truth,” he explained to me. “I offer again that I can take you back to your room and I will tell them you were not feeling well.”

The faith he had in the person I am felt comforting. At least there was one person who knew truly who I am. He had no reason to make me fit a certain mold. It was not like with Aemond or Jace in which he needed me to be this perfect representation of a person. He did not need me to understand the darkest parts of him like Aegon did. It was truly like he was a friend.

“Do not stray far from me,” I said quietly to him.

Releasing his hand, I stood straight and readied myself. He opened the door and stood to the side.

When I stepped into the room, for a moment nobody really noticed me and I just got to watch. Viserys, Little Aegon, and Maelor were all running around the room in a game. Mother and Alicent were speaking to one another, smiling. Jaehaerys and Jaehaera were animatedly discussing something with Aemond and Helaena. Luke, Jace, and Aegon were all hunched over the table as they laughed about something. Joffrey was in the corner of the room sneaking a little cake.

They were all so happy. Was this truly what it was like all the time now? Had the wounds of the past been so forgotten we could live like this?

Surprisingly, the first to notice me was Jaehaera. She very obviously lit up upon seeing me and got up from her chair near immediately. Wasting no time, she went to the empty chair in between Mother and Alicent and grabbed a bouquet of flowers that had sat in it. It was then others took notice of her movements and all their eyes shifted from her to me.

When I began feeling the fear bubbling up inside me again and my fingertips once again felt numb, I just focused on Jaehaera. This little girl who was so happy when she noticed me, a little girl I adored so much, was now running to me with these flowers in her hand. They were a pretty assortment, consisting peonies, tulips, and lilies.

“Mumma says you like flowers so I picked the prettiest ones,” she said happily when she stopped in front of me. She very proudly held out her bouquet so that I could admire her work.

I smiled softly at Jaehaera as tears welled up in my eyes. “They are lovely, thank you little one,” I said in a voice that was barely above a whisper. Carefully I took the bouquet from her and held it in my hands.

They were not flawless flowers. One of the peonies had not fully bloomed while another had already begun to lose its petals. The lilies had been slightly crushed against the weight of the other flowers. I noticed the tulips had little teeny insects crawling around on them, which Helaena and her children no doubt saw as an added benefit, and as such there were teeny holes in some of the petals. But there was not enough gold in the world that could convince me to rid myself of this bouquet. Despite the flaws, I could not think of it as anything less than perfect. Erryk took them in his own hand before he arranged for a serving girl to take them to my room and put them in water.

She took my hand in hers and began pulling me along to the table. Even in her excitement, she also seemed to be careful with me like everyone else had been.

“Do you want to sit next to me??” Jaehaerys said loudly when I was in arms reach of the table. It caused Jaehaera to stop her path, therefore stopping me.

“Inside voice, bubba,” Jaehaera said softly to him before looking at me. “Excuse him. He forgets we all have ears.”

“That’s okay, Luke was like that too when he was little,” I said to her. It caused them both to grin from ear to ear.

“Did you hear that Jae Jae? I’m like Luke,” he said, noticeably quieter this time, but just as excitedly.

“I am just glad someone else knows about brothers,” Jaehaera said with a giggle.

“I would like to point out that I had no choice but to be loud to make sure I was heard over Jace’s big mouth,” Luke said as he stood from his seat.

When Luke stood I realized he was taller than me. Not near as tall as Aegon, but a noticeable few inches. It caused a great stirring of emotions in my chest. I had anticipated my brothers growing taller than me, in fact it surprised me that Jace was only my height and not taller. Yet, not being here to notice it happening caused an ache.

Especially with Luke. He was only three years younger than me, so I did not remember his birth or his little years quite like I remembered Joffrey’s, Little Aegon’s, or Viserys’. That didn’t keep me from remembering bits and pieces, though. Like, I used to help Mother pick out the clothes he wore as a baby as though he was a doll. I snuck out of bed one night when he was a newborn so that I could sleep next to his cradle. I could remember the first time he got sick and, instead of going to Mother and Laenor, he crawled into bed between Jace and I and leaked snot all over my chest.

The bad parts, the good parts, all of it was not something I would trade for the world. Despite having more conscious thoughts when the younger three were babies, Luke was my baby. To me there was nobody better. He was as good and pure as a person could get. If Mother thought I was the best parts of both my fathers, Luke was the best parts of me. He was every good thing in this world rolled into the sweetest package.

“Now you can’t hold sweets over my head and keep me from getting them,” he said playfully.

“No, but I can still sit on your head until you cry,” I responded. My own ear to ear grin spread across my face. I did not care that it hurt my lip as the skin stretched. Luke was worth it.

“I cried one time! You were crushing my ear!” he defended adamantly.

“I maintain to this day that you should not have taken my book,” I told him with a shrug.

“Hadn’t he already handed it back to you when you sat on him?” Jace asked me.

“I don’t recall asking for your input, Jace,” I said quickly causing Luke to laugh.

Luke was truly a man now. His laugh was deeper, as was his voice. He was twenty now and by no means could he be confused as a child.

He wrapped his arms around me in a near bone crushing hug. Even with the pain shooting through my ribs, I could not ask him to ease up. The world felt right the moment he hugged me. Like the years had not passed without me.

I noticed he smelled like the sea. Salt water and open sky, with just a trace of the smell of the wood the ships were made of. If I had to guess, he spent a lot of time in Driftmark now, preparing himself for when Grandsire Corlys was no longer able to hold the Driftwood Throne. When he was little and we suffered the loss of both Ser Harwin and our Aunt Laena, he feared becoming Lord of Driftmark as he knew the death that would precede that moment. If he had been able to move past that fear, I was grateful.

“Are you a sailor now?” I asked as I pulled back from him.

“Only sometimes. Grandsire has spent two years teaching me how to,” he answered. He had a shy, goofy little smile on his face.

“And I would imagine he regales you with stories of the Velaryon blood ruling the seas every moment of it,” I joked.

“Would he be him if he weren’t the proudest man alive?” he asked.

My three Velaryon brothers and Mother all chuckled at that. Genuinely speaking I could not think of a prouder man alive. Our grandfather had held House Velaryon miles above any house, including Targaryens. I think it was because the Targaryens were dragonlords making him think we were handed power, whereas Velaryons seemed to build everything themselves. There was a pride to be held in that, of course. But Westeros was not conquered by shipmasters, now was it?

With this laughter, I took a moment to look around, turning around the room, and settling to look at Joffrey. Fourteen certainly was not the age of a man but compared to the nine year old I left behind he might as well have been. My little Joffrey, whose birth was the first I truly remember, making the three of us older ones so excited. We were downright annoying when it came to him.

Jace had decided we needed to pick the egg for him ourselves. Without uttering a word to anyone, we snuck away from the dragonkeeper charged in teaching us our lesson that day and delved far into the Dragonpit. Luke excitedly picked the egg from one of Syrax’s clutches. As the three of us had been given one, with only mine not hatching, we had to give the baby an egg that came from Mother’s dragon. Our father found us as we were trying to carry the red hot cauldron to the Keep. With his help, and the enlisted help of a few keepers, we awaited the arrival of the baby eagerly.

We took turns stoking the flames underneath it to keep it warm while we waited for Mother. And when she returned, followed closely by Laenor with the baby boy in hand, Luke and Jace both desperately wanted to get close to him. Laenor and father had to practically bat them away so that our baby brother could meet our father.

For myself, I can only remember looking at my perfect family. While in that moment I had not been told the truth of my birth, I knew. It was not so much a moment of realization that none of my brothers or I looked like Laenor, instead favoring Mother’s sworn shield. It was not even hearing the rumors and embodying them as a sort of self fulfilling prophecy. No, all it took was me seeing how Laenor yielded in that moment to Harwin and seeing the way this mountain of a man became so soft when gazing upon Joffrey for me to know. He was a man who was granted love in undeniable ways and he was a part of our family.

Joffrey looked the most like our father. The four of us all had his hair color and his complexion, of course. Jace and I got his eyes, according to Mother, and I could agree. The colors were the same on all four of us, yet we got the shape. I could see on Jace the little crinkles in the corners that our father had. Luke had his smile to the point that when our father died, I desperately worked to make Luke smile for days so that I could feel the embrace of the man who created me. Yet Joffrey had it all. His eyes, his nose, his smile, even the height and bulk of him. There were traces of Mother, like in the angles of his jawline or the placement of his cheekbones. But one could be forgiven if they thought Harwin Strong walked the halls of the Red Keep again when seeing Joffrey.

How cruelly ironic. The one who only got a few meetings with our father was the one who looked to be a trueborn Strong and not the dirty little secret I always felt like. The one who would never know our father or Laenor and the way they both loved us, who was robbed of the perfect family I loved so much, was everything I begged to be. A perfect embodiment of the father I prayed returned to me sat before me in the form of the last of his children.

“Joffrey, I believe Y/N would appreciate if you could come closer,” Aemond’s voice said from somewhere out of my view. I believed he may be behind me, with Jaehaera on my left and Luke still to my right. I could not be bothered to check.

Joffrey nodded and placed the sweet down on a nearby table before walking closer to me. He wiped his hands against his pants, highlighting to me that he was wearing Targaryen colors of black and not Velaryon ones. I could see the crumbs fall to the floor as he walked. It was almost enough to make me laugh.

“Have you been so short your entire life?” he asked when he stood in front of me. He was taller than Aemond even, wider around the middle, broader along the shoulders than Jace. It was terrifying when one realized most of that was probably muscle, and most likely he had more growing to do.

“I would like to point out I am perfectly normal height,” I said, huffing a bit. “You are just tall.”

“To you. To me, you are short. Perspective, sissy,” he said.

My heart caught in my throat. It wasn’t that I had anticipated him to forget me or all the time I had spent teaching him of the world. But hearing him call me sissy and confirming that I still had a place in his heart made my own ache in unexpected ways.

Wrapping my arms around his middle, I pulled him into a tight hug. It was a hug he returned eagerly, holding me as tight as I held him. Just as with Luke, I couldn’t be bothered to care about any of the pain coursing through my body.

Luke and Joffrey had so much of me in them. Luke was my baby and Joffrey was my sidekick. Where one clung to me the other did just the same. For the longest time you could not find me without them. I did everything for them to ensure their lives. Luke and I spent hours just standing on the deck of our ship so that I could help him overcome his fear of the sea. I was the one who taught Joffrey to read, and then taught him as much as I could of politics and history. Both of them spent so much time with me in the gardens of Dragonstone as I tended to the flowers.

When I finally convinced myself that I could let go without him disappearing, I pulled away from his hold. Concern drew itself onto his face. If the empty yet extraordinarily heavy feeling in my head and the fire spreading through my chest had caused me to look as I felt in this moment, I would imagine I’d look much the same as he did. In truth I could not care to look at everyone else. Leaning forward to lean against Joffrey, I tried to steady my breathing.

“Let’s sit you down,” Luke whispered from behind me. I can only assume I nodded as he and Joffrey both supported me to sit me in the chair between Alicent and Mother. The last note of music that filled the room just moments ago echoed from every wall before the room fell into silence.

“Y/N, you mustn’t overdo it, sweet girl,” Mother said quietly, pressing a cooled rag to my head.

“I couldn’t tell them to stop, mama. My babies still love me,” I whispered to her, gripping her wrist to still her hand. The suddenness of my movement caused me a blinding flash of burning pain.

“Perhaps we should order some milk of the poppy,” Alicent suggested, looking between Mother and me.

“No, no,” I begged her, tears springing to my eyes.

Let me be clear and say I understand the benefits of the medicine. It is extremely effective in easing pain and in large enough quantities, could incapacitate an entire Dothraki horde. Though I dare anyone to watch their grandfather wither to be but a living, skin covered skeleton and he can’t even acknowledge his breathing because he is so addled by the shit.

I am not stupid enough to think back on his life and legacy and think him a good King nor even a good father. But I do know, factually know, that he was a man who loved his family dearly. A man who was taken advantage of in his deepest grief and never fixed the mistakes made in those times. A man who deserved more than to die so slowly while his brain, his very capable and beautiful brain, wasted away because of the only treatment for his pain.

When you watch a man go from being able to tell you about the Kingdom he loves, that one day you will rule, to not even being able to remember your existence, it changes things. When you watch him become so frail and thin that being turned the wrong way breaks his bones, yet remain so puffy under the eye and in his fingertips because of the poison, you may refuse it too. His younger children may not have cared, of that I will not speak on. But I cared, and it terrified me.

Would he have been in so much pain constantly if he hadn’t taken it so regularly? What if he was being treated for an ailment that was caused by milk of the poppy? And if that was true, how much would it take before I could not exist without it?

“Y/N, you cannot live in this pain,” Mother said to me.

“I cannot live like that,” I corrected her.

“Your grandsire was very sick for a long time, you will heal in mere weeks. But you cannot heal if you live in this pain,” Alicent said. Her voice was just as quiet and soothing as Mother’s as she petted my hair.

Very slowly, I adjusted my body in my chair to look to Aegon. He was watching me with silent tears in his eyes. But when our wet gazes locked together he understood what I needed. He did not need anything else from me. He understood my pain as I did his.

After pushing himself to a stand from his seat, he wasted no time in getting to my side. All the while he was reaching in his sleeve to pull out the pouch with the biscuits. Within a moment he was by my side, kneeling to be able to look up at my face.

“Stars?” he asked me. It took me less than half a breath to know he was asking how severe my pain, if it was enough to make me see stars. He knew it went beyond feeling knives in my body but he could not tell further.

“Lightning,” I muttered to him.

He had once theorized the lightning that extended from the sky during the worst of storms would be the most painful thing to be hit by. It was on a late night adventure, one that quickly turned into a two day adventure, that he had dragged me on not long before I had Vhaela. We mounted Sunfyre together and flew to Harrenhal. Quick enough flying on Sunfyre, though it took nearly all night. When we had arrived, a storm had come overhead, and we watched as lightning struck the large castle no less than three times. The stone was surprisingly mostly unscathed, save for the burn marks permanently etched on its side. When we spoke of a human withstanding just one strike, he said you’d nearly die from the pain alone.

It was how I knew he would understand. This was not the pain I experienced falling from my bed when I was six. This was a burning, pulsating pain that caused me to lose parts of my sight. A pain so severe I could not breathe properly.

He helped me eat a significant bit more than what I had earlier. Mainly because every time I moved myself I was hit with another flash of pain. It was just easier to allow his help.

“The larger portion may not quicken the effects but it will help manage your pain better,” he said quietly to me. “Tell me what I can do in the meanwhile.”

“Stay right here and have everyone return to their joy,” I whispered to him as I took his hand. “At the least I wish to see everyone smile.”

He nodded softly and looked to Alicent. Within a few minutes, the music started back up and not long after that the chatter started up again. I would have to be oblivious to not notice the worried looks Mother and Alicent still gave me. Though those looks were nothing compared to the way Aemond and Jace were glaring at Aegon.

Genuinely speaking, it was a lot like watching children. It was as though Aemond and Jace had never once considered that anyone else would want to play their game. They only considered each other and knew what to expect from them. But now they viewed Aegon as a competitor.

Was Aegon a competitor? Sure he had said earlier how he loved me, that I was the only woman he loved. But he did not put his hand forward. He did not express a desire to be with me despite the love he held for me. I could no more count him as a contender for my heart as I could Ser Erryk.

Where Aemond and Jace looked on at him in anger, Aegon paid no mind. His eyes were focused solely on me. And every time I met his gaze, I gave him a small squeeze in the hand.

Six songs passed before I felt any relief. At first it wasn’t noticed until I could take a full breath. It was when I turned my head to watch as the food was brought in that it became clear that I could now manage. It seemed it became clear to Aegon, too, as he left my side and took his place back across from Luke.

Luke, Jace, and Aegon took the seats on the end of the table nearest the windows. Luke and Aegon on the very end, Jace beside Aegon. Joffrey took a spot next to Luke. Then beside Joffrey sat Aemond, and beside Jace there was Helaena. Next to Aemond was Alicent, with Jaehaera across from her. Then you had me and I was sat across from Jaehaerys. To my right was Mother, and across from her sat Maelor. There was two empty seats on Mother’s other side, and across from them was Little Aegon and Viserys. Then a singular chair that looked down the whole of the table sat on the very end, also empty, and that was closest to the kitchen.

Alicent lead us all in prayer. Truthfully, I probably should’ve paid more mind to the words she was saying. It mattered a lot to her, Helaena, and even Aemond. Yet, when I looked down the table and saw Aegon watching my every move, every thought from my head left. So instead, I looked directly at my plate.

The juices that flowed from the goose glistened in the candlelight that danced against every surface in stunning opposition to how the dark gravy absorbed light. The cabbage and roasted chestnuts sat to the side of it, looking decently appealing on their own. There was a basket of bread placed down for every four people. All of the adults, save Aegon and I, had a large cup of wine sitting in front of them. If Aegon and the children had the same as me, we all had water. Once Alicent was done saying her prayers, the only sound to be heard was all of us eating our food.

It was delicious. Though it was not a surprise to me, as the cooks here in King’s Landing had always been phenomenal. Maybe it was the fuzziness in my head that made it more apparent. Yet, it seemed more complex than normal. The meat was almost sweeter, the gravy with a level of saltiness that counteracted it perfectly. The chestnuts were almost like velvet in my mouth, creating a feeling akin to butter. Even cabbage, that I normally did not like, was something I would pick again and again.

“Did you try to come back?” A small voice asked. I looked up, only to see Viserys staring at me.

“Viserys,” Mother said firmly. It was her warning tone. Perhaps she did not think it proper for him to question me.

“I can’t remember,” I said quietly. “But I cannot imagine a reality in which I did not fight to return back to you all.”

“Is that why you are all beat up?” Little Aegon asked me.

“Aegon,” Mother said with the same firmness. I reached to take her hand in mine and gave it a small squeeze. She needed to understand that they were allowed to ask me, I could not fault them for being confused.

“Possibly. But I do not remember,” I told him.

“Do you remember anything?” they both asked at the same time.

“Not from when I was gone, no,” I whispered. “But I remember before I was gone. I remember loving the two of you so much. I am sorry I disappeared, and I am sorry that you both grew up without me.”

All of that was mostly true. I hated my disappearance, as it did take me away from everyone I loved. Yet to say I do not remember anything from the time I was gone may not be true.

In my thoughts, I could wade through the fog that the biscuit causes. Only in this feeling did I get any information from my brain. When I tried desperately to remember the last five years, there were only two things that my mind could conjure up. A glowing vial of shimmering red fire that I am near certain was a potion swirled in and out of my mind’s eye. And there was a distinct feeling loneliness, of knowing that where I existed was not where I belonged.

The shade of red of the potion was eerily familiar. While equating it to fire would be the right way to imagine the way that the liquid flowed, it was poor in grasping the color. One could tell me that someone was able to melt rubies into this vial and I would believe them. That was the only physical thing that was colored correctly.

Until I could explain more or had more answers, I would not say anything. With how desperate Mother and Aemond were for vengeance, giving them half answers could cause more damage that it would repair. It was not worth it.

“Do you want to come to our dragon lessons tomorrow?” Little Aegon asked.

Unable to verbalize my answer, I nodded. Spending time with my two littlest brothers felt like exactly what I needed. They may not be quite sure about me at all, but they were willing to give me a chance. I suppose that is all I could ask for.

The sound of a chair scraping against the stone floor brought my attention to the left side of the table. Aemond stood with his cup raised. My jaw tightened. The last time he gave a toast, he managed to call my brothers bastards while ignoring that it meant I too was a bastard. It caused a fight to break out, with Jace punching Aemond and Aegon slamming Luke into the table. I was not wanting a repeat and I doubt anyone else did.

“A toast,” Aemond said. “To the return of Ali. The Keep had truly existed in a darkness without you.”

A heat rose to my cheeks with his words. It was tame, I suppose, with what he could say. Although, I do wish he would just have not brought any further attention to me. I don’t think I would be able to say anything to him though.

“I wish to take this moment to make it clear,” he said. As always there was a confidence he held that I couldn’t shake. “Byka zaldrīzes, no longer do I wish to hide my affections. It is here and now that I am declaring my intention to marry you.”

My heart started skipping beats. While he had said it aloud to me, he had not voiced it to anyone else. And it wasn’t entirely like it was a secret, as he had always been rather obvious. With this declaration there was no longer a doubt about where I stood with him.

Jace stood up quickly, slamming his hands on the table as he did so. “She is my twin, Aemond, my betrothed. You do not get to decide such a thing,” he said angrily.

Aegon grabbed Jace’s shoulder and pulled him back into a sitting position. I was aware of Aemond smirking as he watched Jace. Leave it to him to make this a little game, a game which he is certain he will win.

“It is not your decision, either,” Aegon told him as though he were spitting poison at him. My jaw dropped slightly. It was not usual that I saw him actually angry.

“And you think you get any say?” Aemond asked his older brother.

“I think the two of you are so focused on this pissing contest that’s been going on since we were children you fail to realize that she is hurt,” Aegon shouted, standing up. Despite being shorter than Aemond and not as broad as Jace, he somehow made himself look larger. He made himself an unmoving force.

“I better than anyone know that she is hurt,” Aemond said darkly, to which Jace voiced the same sentiment.

“Are you both so truly lost in your desires that you are ignoring the anguish she is in? She caused herself so much pain she was barely conscious just so she could feel as though she still has a place! Do not pretend this is about anyone other than the two of you,” Aegon shouted.

“And what of you? What is your plan, dear brother?” Aemond asked, moving himself to appear larger.

The difference between them in this moment was fascinating. Aemond wanted to prove his dominance. He felt he had some claim to me just because of the love he and I share. With Aegon, though, it was because he wanted to prove nothing more than he was capable of protecting me.

Aegon turned to look at me. I could see him ease up almost immediately. It was like just the sight of me was enough to calm him.

“I am here however you choose to have me,” he said softly, addressing me directly.

[wetsocksinbed]

dropping some lore for my followers, but here’s a list of things that the doomsday cult I was raised in banned and forbade:

• Celebrating your birthday. I’m 24 next month and it’ll be my first birthday

• Celebrate Christmas, Halloween and Easter. All stem from pagan beliefs (yes including Christmas), which is “satanic”

• Do afterschool activities like joining a sports team or a club. You risk being “influenced by the world” and may be “tricked into joining Satan’s world”

• Have friends that weren’t part of the religion. We could play with kids at school but god forbid we asked mum and dad if those kids could come over to play. See above for reason why.

• Have sex before marriage. Even kissing someone on the lips is seen as taboo.

• Be anything other than Straight. You’re obviously mentally ill, you’re confused, it’s just a phase, it’s Satans World

• Seek higher education after high school. This is considered viewing yourself as better than others. Also you might “be influenced by satans world” and “commit immoral acts” if you’re around people who aren’t part of your religion. Instead you’re pushed to become a missionary and preach in places “where the need is great” aka poor and impoverished places

• Own anything expensive. You clearly think you’re better than everyone else

• Like a band/singer/actor and own posters of them. This is considered idolatry.

• Get tattoos or piercings. One lobe piercing one each ear was acceptable though.

• Dye your hair a colour that wasn’t brown, black or blonde. You’re being influenced by the world.

• Wear trousers/pants to church. Only men are allowed that. Women must wear a dress or skirt.

• Have a role in the church. Only men can give talks/sermons or “shepherd the flock”

• Wear a head covering if you say a prayer in a room with a man who is in the church. You must show submission to him in front of god

• Never get divorced. If you do, then you’re forbidden from marrying again

• Have any opinions that differ from the general belief of the church. If you don’t believe humanity started 6000 years ago in Eden, you’re essentially a heretic.

[panlight]

Breaking Dawn has always read like a fanfiction to me. I'm aware this has probably to do with the fact, that Forever Dawn was written before New Moon and Eclipse, and SMeyer just rewrote some pieces of it.

But this made me think - most fans probably have an idea of how they would have liked the story of Bella and Edward to end and those endings might all be a little, or even very different. What would your perfect ending for the Saga look like? You can place it after any point of the story - just after the first book, in the middle of New Moon, around the end of Eclipse, wherever you want.

It really does have a lot of fanfic-y tropes. The big wedding. The over-the-top tropical honeymoon. This is an 18-year-old middle class girl getting married here. Sure the Cullens are rich but she's not an actual princess or something, this always felt hugely over the top to me in a fanfic-y way. And then the baby, of course. It does tick a lot of boxes of the sort of fanfic that imagines what happens after the book/movie/show where the main couple get married and have a kid.

For me, vampirism without consequences is just completely uninteresting. Bella getting to have her cake and eat it too not only undermines all the themes in the earlier books and makes Edward's brooding about being a vampire seem like unnecessary whining, it's also just boring.

So my ideal ending is an actual follow up to Eclipse. Bella and Edward follow through on their compromise plan: wedding, sex, and vampirism in that order. There's no baby; Bella is turned on Isle Esme and spends a few months there on a secluded island with no people (the groundskeepers are given time off FFS Edward can clean the house) eating wildlife and adjusting to vampirism.

But she actually has to like, adjust. It IS has hard as people told her it was. She can still do well at it, but with struggle. I mean, Carlisle never killed anyone either but he did it by banishing himself to the woods and starving to the point that he unthinkingly attacked some deer. I believe it was hard and he struggled and so his triumph feels earned. Bella can still control herself better than average but I wanna see her struggle with it, versus like, one tense afternoon with Charlie and then totally being fine around humans and going to see lawyers in a sexy outfit, no problem. That felt anticlimactic.

Also there should be some fallout with Jake, and she should probably have to cut ties with Charlie and Renee. She MADE this choice to become a vampire knowing she was giving these things up, so for Breaking Dawn to be like "Nevermind! Haha!" about it was deeply unsatisfying. It killed the conflict and tension for Jacob and Charlie to still be part of her life and accepting of the weirdness of it.

For me, the whole point was Bella was sacrificing a lot to be with Edward. That is where the romance and angst lies. Getting to be beautiful and immortal and rich and powerful AND with the person you love AND keep your father and best friend AND get a perfect baby who never cries and sleeps through the night AND conquer the bloodlust in like 2 seconds was just . . . boring. All the stuff I had been interested in seeing how it would resolve was resolved in just the easiest, least interesting way possible. A perfect example: the wedding. We're told that Renee is going to freak out about this early marriage and even THAT relatively unimportant conflict is just instantly resolved with "actually, Renee's totally on board!!!!" Snore!

So yeah. Bella is turned on the honeymoon. It's hard. She cuts off ties with Charlie; maybe she fakes her death, maybe she just disappears. Jacob refuses to talk to her, but Sam is like "whatever she made her choice we're not going to start a war over this." And in this way Bella is actually cut off from her human life and has to start over with the new family and new life she chose. We probably have to resolve the Volturi situation somehow; maybe a trip to Volterra to prove she's been turned and some conflict with the Volturi comes into play.

But ultimately I just want an epilogue where she comes back to Forks with Edward to check in on Charlie and Jacob from a distance. She watches Charlie with Sue (or someone else) playing with step-grandbabies, she sees Jacob, who has stopped phasing and is aging and married with kids of his own, and it's hard. It's sad to see them going on without her. And Edward looks at her like he's about to apologize for the 239470242th time for robbing her of a human life and she's like, "No, the life I have with you is worth it," because THAT's the vibe! That's where the romance is! Her being happy in BD means nothing because it was all so easy for her! Her being happy despite the downsides of vampirism is where the romance lies!

[respectthepetty]

Did you try your best, Kawi?

So . . . next week's previews weren't narrated by Kawi.

This is the first time Kawi hasn't told us to tune in next week to observe how he changes his future. This is the first time he hasn't pondered what will happen to him in the future.

Possibly because Kawi finally understands the time-travel assignment:

Remember when My School President told us that even when we try our best, we can still fail?

And remember when My School President pulled a Miley Cyrus and told us it wasn't about the destination but the climb?

Oh, and remember when My School President told us that we are stronger together?

Or do you remember when My School President told us we can't give up even when the goal seems impossible?

Well, in case you forgot the numerous lessons that My School President taught us in order to complete this assignment, Be My Favorite is here to reinforce them with some extra bonus lessons:

Lesson #1 - Be present.

Kawi is finally getting it. He needs to be patient. He needs to sit tight. He needs to put in the effort in the present, regardless of where that present exists, without trying to throw himself years into the future or constantly being stuck in the past.

He needs to live the life he has NOW, and not the one he wanted. He must be present, which is probably why he didn't narrate next week's episode previews.

Lesson #2 - We can't run away from our problems.

Pisaeng's mom is right. Life would be better for a gay man in a country with marriage equality, same-sex parenting recognition, LGBTQIA rights, and anti-discrimination policies. But that's not why she wants him to leave the country. Pisaeng's mom has 99 problems, and currently Pisaeng being gay is all of them. But what she doesn't realize is our issues won't go away if we hide (from) them. They will get bigger, and instead of just hurting ourselves, they will begin to hurt others.

Pisaeng tried to bury his feelings, and ended up assaulting Kawi while he was drunk on his wedding day after leaving Pear at the altar. Kawi is an alcoholic in the future who broke Pear and Pisaeng's hearts. Pear is unsatisfied with her life even though she keeps pushing to be the best and hurts her best friend by settling for a man unworthy of both of them. Problems are like bacteria; they can be good or bad for us, but either way, left alone, they'll quickly multiple until we can't ignore them.

Lesson #3 - Be honest with yourself.

The second lesson leads into the third because in order to stop running from our problems, we have to be willing to recognize we have a problem. Kawi didn't want to admit he had problems even before the drinking began. When Kawi asked Pisaeng if he should go to rehab, Pisaeng told him that only he knew the answer. Pisaeng learned this from Max who told Pisaeng that the answer to his queerness was within himself. Kawi doesn't want to answer any of these questions because that would mean he has to be honest about his issues. He doesn't owe any of those reporters the truth, but partly why Kawi hesitates is because he, himself, doesn't know what the truth is. Well, not until he is forced to.

Lesson #4 - Learn from your mistakes.

When the show started, Kawi believed his whole life was one big mistake after another. He went back to the past to correct those mistakes, yet his biggest mistake has always been pushing people away.

He stopped talking to Max. He didn't pursue Pear. He rejected Pisaeng. Max has called him out on this behavior, and Max told Kawi he was an alcoholic as well. Pisaeng didn't want to believe Max until Pisaeng subtly confirmed these issues. Then, Pisaeng left Kawi. Alone. Kawi doesn't have his dad there to guide him, but as much as Kawi pushed his dad to TRY to do better for himself, Kawi hasn't given himself that same treatment. Which is why being alone forces him to learn from his mistakes, and we see him stop drinking, even in the future. We see him accepting Pear's dinner invitation, going to Max's rally, and telling Pisaeng he likes him. We see him trying to be better.

Lesson #5 - Have confidence in yourself.

Pisaeng is Linda Evangelista. Kawi has confirmed this every chance he can. But Kawi sucks. Kawi thinks he sucks because he needs help, all the time, while Pisaeng never needs any help. Yet, episode eight explicitly told Kawi that he was The Brave Little Toaster of his friends. Max mentioned that Kawi positively impacted Max by telling Max to stay. Pear's perfect demeanor seems to be morphing as she realizes the dream life she had envisioned as the perfect girl isn't all it's cracked up to be. And Pisaeng told Kawi before that Kawi has changed his life because although Kawi needs his friends, his friends need him just as much.

The Assignment - Try Your Best

Doing everything right doesn't mean you'll win. Giving your all doesn't guarantee the prize. Trying your best doesn't equal success. Sometimes you lose no matter how much effort you put in.

But the lesson here is even if you fail, you won't have regrets.

To generalize my idol Ron Swanson from Parks & Recreation, you can't half-ass the shit you care about. You gotta put your whole-ass in it. You have to be present. You can't run away from your issues. You need to be honest with yourself. You must learn from your mistakes. And you gotta have confidence in yourself. Because only then will you know you tried your best.

And even if you get to the end of the road empty-handed,

You'll have the friends you made along the way there to help you find your way back to the start.

No more half-assing, Kawi!

We deserve your best whole-ass effort.