#12 days sober and i ruined it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovemari · 3 months

Text

IMPORTANT: Hello! My old account, Lovemari, got deleted. Therefore, I had to make a new one. I'm honestly pretty upset about this so I'll take some time to recover! Thankfully, all my posts are saved as I write them in google docs before posting. Please like and reblog so I can reach my old followers and potentially new ones!

Cat Date - Wanderer x Reader

Reminder: I'm not an experienced writer so construction criticism is always welcome! Also, I write for fun. I just wanted to share my work around the world!

Pairing: Wanderer x Reader

Synopsis: Wanderer asks you on a date in a strange way.

Notes: Let's be honest, in this fict, the cats were Wanderers wingcat lol. Also, not my proudest fict but I still like the scenario!

Recently, Dove, your cat has been acting odd. She's gone the entire day and comes back meowing at your door in the middle of the night, ruining your whole sleep schedule.

You believed it to be some kind of cat ritual or anything else that's crazy. Though, one day, or night to be exact, you found yourself quite curious. Dove hasn't been at your door for 2 days.

What do you do? You got up, at 12 in the night, and went to the neighbors house. He's quite the strange guy, if you were honest. Still, you always thought he was a cat himself. If not, then he certainly acted like one. So why not pay him a visit.

You knocked on his door, and out came the bowl cut dwarf, “Ugh..you? What is it?” He grumbled, clearly annoyed that you woke him up. At this point, you were panicking, “I can't find Dove! Can you help?” You rushed, with thoughts of Dove lingering in your mind. What if she was eaten by coyotes? Or even worse, stolen!

Your neighbor laughed, “I'm Wanderer, by the way.” He replied, as if nothing was happening. Before you could say anything Wanderer butted in, “Your cats with me. She's in love with my cat, Raven, for whatever reason. It's truly disgusting” He snickered, though, meaning no harm.

You blinked a couple of times before immediately rushing into his house. There, you saw Dove sleeping with Raven.

Swooping her up, you rushed out of the house. Wanderer stopped you before you could make your exit, unfortunately.

He gave you his number, “Tomorrow, 5:00, xxxx” He invited before smiling, “Let's have a cat date.” You gave him a weird look, was he drunk or something? Wanderer doesn't usually act like this.

You figured he wasn't right in the head so you rushed out, hoping he'll be sober in the morning.

You kissed Dove's head before turning off the night. Dove responded with an annoyed mew, clearly unhappy about you embarrassing her about her boyfriend. Unfortunately for her, you couldn't care less about a cat's love life.

You woke up early. You thought about it for a while but you decided you'd visit Scaramouche. Two reasons, actually. One, you wanted to make sure he wasn't drunk. Two, you didn't want to ditch him in case he wasn't drunk.

You got dressed and went to the place he mentioned. It was a cat cafe. You didn't know he was into that stuff but honestly, you weren't surprised.

You walked into the cafe, immediately being welcomed by some girl. You nodded, a little creeped out, before finding Scaramouche at a seat. You walked to him, “Hey.” You greeted. He looked at you, “About yesterday? I'm sorry.I was drunk.” He replied, quickly. He must be embarrassed.

You checked, “I figured.” your laughter stopped as you saw Wanderer blushing, playing with his hands, “I like you. That part was true” He confessed, his voice low and quiet.

You were surprised, to say the least. This man sure had a strange way of confessing but you found it cute.

You figured, it was too early for dating. Especially because you rarely talk to Wanderer. Still, there was something about him you enjoyed, “How about we have more cat dates before we decide what's best?” You teased, referring to when Wanderer was drunk. Wanderer nodded, acknowledging your tease and accepting it.

You could both see the sparks between you two.

92 notes · View notes

cafeinthemoon · 5 months

Text

Ruins - Part XX

Chapter 20/?

Wordcount 3,4k

Title Part XX

Fandom Shuumatsu no Valkyrie / Record of Ragnarok

Previous chapters 1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5 . 6 . 7 . 8 . 9 . 10 . 11 . 12 . 13 . 14 . 15 . 16 . 17 . 18 . 19

Symbols ⭕ . ➕ . 💛

Warnings: none

Tagging @holdyourwine @lilacshouko @shirayuki-ayumi @telvess (If you want to be tagged in any of my stories, just leave a comment on this chapter or send an ask or a message)

N. A.: Finally, one of my favorite parts of this story is about to begin! As I said before, I've been planning the next scenes for a long time and couldn't wait to share them with you. Honestly, I think there should be more events during the party, but I decided that it would be too much and wouldn't add to the main plot, so I cut out some ideas. Maybe I'll post them as an extra chapter, but for now have this one ;)

If you sat down to write about all the encounters and surprises you had during that memorable night, you’d have to spend the first months of your marriage recollecting and categorizing your memories, for you were presented to many people, some of them known in your homeland at Midgard, others completely new to you. While your husband was mostly congratulated as the gods’ elder brother who finally had time to find love for himself, you were a novelty in each social circle, and everyone wanted a chance to see the newly created goddess from close.

Some of those new acquaintances, like the Solar Gods and their little conflict, had a deeper impact in you, and you had a special place in your heart for them.

One important friendship you began was with a goddess from your own pantheon, Athena. Months ago, Hermes has informed you that she has been absent from Valhalla for quite some time but hasn’t justified this attitude yet, but now she decided to attend the celebration and welcome her new pair.

You were curious when you saw that tall, elegant young woman with sober garments – including a head accessory that resembled a helmet and a necklace with a golden owl on its front – who approached you with no hesitation, and after the presentations you understood the sensation of depth and perspicacity you had when you looked into her brown eyes.

The first words exchanged between you were hers.

– This attentive look in your eyes, that has been watching my moves from far, and this undeniable, but respectful anxiety for our first contact… – she opened an enigmatic smile – It’s an avid reader we have before us, right?

You smiled back.

– You can say that, my Lady.

As always, Hades made the presentations.

– Y/n, this is Athena, goddess of Wisdom and Zeus’ daughter – and with a smile, – She has been willing to meet you since she heard about you.

– And this is not an exaggeration – Athena corroborated – After all the wonderful things my uncle said about you, Y/n, I wouldn’t miss the opportunity to see you with my own eyes.

You ignored the warmth on your cheeks and stared at your husband with an inquiring look.

– Does your uncle always talk this much, Athena-sama?

The goddess covered her mouth with both hands as she laughed at the said uncle’s surprised expression, then joined the game:

– Men are just like this, more than they’re willing to admit. You better get used to it.

Hades let out a loud sigh in an imitation of boredom, but you saw the diversion in his eyes.

– Won’t you show some respect for the old uncle who taught you how to read even in a day like this?

Athena crossed her arms.

– Absolutely not. Specially in a day like this.

There was laughter between you three, then the Goddess of Wisdom led her hands to her neck and took off the necklace from it. You were going to ask of she was about to do, but you didn’t have to: she offered the accessory to you with both hands, and after a second of hesitation, you accepted the gift.

– The life as a goddess and a queen is everything but easy, and there will be moments when you will think you will never succeed – Athena explained – In these moments, let the owl be your companion, and you will regain your courage and your wisdom. This is my blessing to you.

You spent a moment observing the animal’s big eyes, formed by a pair of black jewels, and a feeling of gratitude and comfort invaded your heart.

– I will surely do this – you raised your eyes to the goddess – Thank you for your blessing, Athena-sama.

– It’s good to hear that! – she replied with a satisfied smile – I hope our meetings in the future to be as pleasant as this one, young Y/n.

You nodded.

– Me too.

When Athena said goodbye to you and walked away, Hades helped you to put on the necklace. With all the new, grown hair you would never manage to do it without a mirror, and you said that to him.

– I think my challenges as goddess and queen started sooner than expected!

Hades agreed with a laugh. When he finished adjusting your hair, you turned to him and were going to ask how you looked, but gave up on it once you noticed the peculiar scene happening not so far from you.

Your sister Luna was chatting with a pair of cheerful nymphs you’ve met days ago. You couldn’t hear their voices from your spot, but you were able to observe and understand what was going on with precision: someone appeared suddenly behind Luna and made her startle; she turned to him and, though she didn’t know his identity, she wasn’t less impressed than the nymphs, for the intruder had the form of an attractive young man with fine clothing and green hair, who gave his attentions primarily to her.

You narrowed your eyes to the man, sensing something strange about him, but you only understood what it was when he made a swift gesture with his hand, making a flower appear between his fingers.

In a second, you were fuming.

– I can’t believe that! – you greeted your teeth – Not in my wedding!

Hades frowned, but soon understood everything.

– Well, well, if that’s not our friend Loki…

You were almost running to take your sister way from the Nordic god, but your husband held you in place.

– Hades, please, I…!

– Look – he interrupted you – Someone’s already there for Luna-san.

You looked again and saw the moment when, after your sister accepted the flower from Loki, your mother suddenly appeared behind him and poked his shoulder. He turned to her and, blushing at the serious expression on her face, he moved his hands and created a flower bouquet formed by the same species of the flower he gave to Luna, offering it to your mother. She held the flowers with hesitant hands, staring at them while trying to understand what was going on. Before she could do or say anything, a third person joined the group: your father, and he was as dissatisfied as your mother in the beginning, judging by his frown and his arms crossed over his chest. But Loki had a surprise for him too: smirking, he snapped his fingers and a flower crown became visible on your father’s head, to his confusion and to Luna and your mother’s diversion.

You stared at the group for a moment, then sighed and smiled at your own foolishness. Your family, you understood, would be alright taking care of each other; they’ve been really good at this for all the time you’ve lived with them, and nothing indicated that this would change. You gave up before you took the first step toward them.

However, you wouldn’t have much time to rest from the surprises of that night. You barely looked away from your relatives, you saw a small silhouette passing by you, coming from nowhere, so fast that when you were able to identify her, she was already five meters away: Ellie was running around as if playing a game, and before you could run after her, Helena passed as fast as the baby, calling her name.

– Ellie-chan! Stop running! – and, glancing at you with some embarrassment, – I’m sorry, y/n-san, she just escaped my grip!

You opened your mouth and closed it again as your sister followed the same direction as the baby, who kept running and provoking curious looks and laughter from the observers… until she bumped into someone’s leg and fell on the floor, sitting, and the entire room fell silent. Helena stopped immediately and didn’t approach Ellie’s spot once the person into whom she bumped turned and looked down at the little girl.

You held your breath and murmured to yourself.

– Ah… Poseidon-sama!

The Lord of the Seas, with his cold eyes glued on the child, spent a moment in silence, observing, as if he was trying to guess of kind of living being he had at his feet. Ellie – for your relief – didn’t make tricks, started crying nor did anything that could be considered petulance by someone like him: she just stood there, staring back at him and not understanding the situation she put herself into.

And, to everyone’s surprise, the god’s reaction was simple, and had nothing to do with discontentment or irritation: he bent down and took the baby by her armpits, with a delicacy you guessed that came from his inexperience with human beings: to him, if the adult ones looked so fragile that holding them the wrong way would cause permanent damage, even more their children. Ellie didn’t protest or showed fear: instead, she found it funny to be held like that and smiled at the strange man with ocean eyes.

The said man was clearly not used to have people who showed no fear in his presence, so he kept staring at the girl showing off her little teeth in an innocent smile, intrigued with her behavior… Until the shadow of a smile appeared on his lips as well.

– Are you always this audacious and brave, little person? – he adjusted his grip on her and allowed her to hold his finger.

Your heart calmed down as you looked around, while the faces of the guests softened at the scene. So, everything ended up well… Or so you thought.

You saw the moment when Ellie, with the typical childish curiosity, held Poseidon’s finger with more strength than usual and, before anyone could stop her, led it to her mouth, closing her little teeth around it as she used to do with her favorite treats.

You noticed the god’s eyes widening and a wave of gasps spreading across the room; you covered your mouth with both hands and your husband put his palm over his face.

After the first scare, Poseidon managed to free his finger from your niece and stared at his own skin, left reddish and wet. Again he looked at the girl, who still had that unsuspecting look in her little eyes, and the first thing he said in response would have provoked intense laughter if it was someone else in his place:

– Such a strong bite for a tiny little thing... Almost like a baby shark.

***

The next minutes of the party followed with no surprises, that is, nothing that resembled the incident involving Ellie and your brother-in-law, with you and Hades receiving congratulations and blessings from people from many pantheons and lands. Though you couldn’t remember all their names, you certainly would remember their kindness and receptiveness. However, not even this was enough to keep you in the room for more than those few hours.

It happened that, as time passed, the sensations that started right after you consumed the ambrosia continued to develop, and you noticed a strange tiredness taking over your limbs and your senses, leading you to a state of hyperstimulation, making the lights, colors, smells and sounds around you unbearable.

After saying goodbye to another group of gods, you turned to Hades and told him you couldn’t stay on your feet for much longer.

– I’m sensing the beginning of a headache, and I don’t think it will be a light one – you whispered to him – It will get worse if I stay here for too long.

He passed his hand on your hair, not disguising his worry.

– It must be another effect of the ambrosia. If this is the case, I’ll take you to our room now.

He closed his mouth when his brothers joined you: Zeus, with his calm demeanor and his hands on his back, Adamas with a goblet in hands and Poseidon, still with Ellie in his arms; now the baby was sleeping with her head on his shoulder.

– If you’re feeling a bit tired, it is, in fact, because of the ambrosia – Zeus, who overheard your conversation, told you – Your body is still mortal, thus sensitive, so that adapting to such changes is hard. You should really take some rest now.

– That’s what I’m intend to do – you replied – Thank you for preoccupation, Zeus-sama.

The chatting was interrupted by Adamas’ laugh.

– It’s always funny to observe these formalities toward my little brother – he approached and messed your hair on a spot away from your crown, – Still haven’t time to tell you that, but welcome to the family, y/n-chan.

You smiled with sympathy.

– Thank you, Adamas-sama.

You turned to Poseidon, who has been silent since the start. The memory of his abrupt encounter with Ellie made your cheeks warm as you observed her snoring on his lap, but you approached him with confidence.

– I apologize for the incident involving my niece, Poseidon-sama – you stretched your arms to her – I will take her back to my family, so she won’t be causing you more distress.

– Of course – he nodded and gave the child to you; she moved a bit when you held her, but didn’t wake up.

Finally, you tuned to your husband and told him you were going to leave Ellie with your parents. He agreed and replied that he would be waiting in the company of his brothers.

That was the last time you spoke with your family that night. You approached your parents and your mother took the initiative of holding the baby. She raised her eyes to your face and frowned.

– You’re certainly as beautiful as ever with your new appearance, my child – she passed her hand on your face – But you seem a bit tired.

– I am – you smiled – I’m leaving the party to take a rest. Zeus-sama explained that it’s one of the effects of the ambrosia, so it’s the best for me now.

– And I agree with him – your father approached, putting his hand on your shoulder. He still had Loki’s crown on his head and was now holding the bouquet.

You opened your arms and hugged them at the same time, involving the baby between you, then walked back to Hades after saying goodbye to them.

***

Because of the growing tiredness on your legs and the increase of your headache, the way from the room where the party was happening to the private chambers where your honeymoon should start seemed longer than you remembered it. There was a moment when you held your husband’s arm and told him you couldn’t go any farther.

– My body feels heavier at each step – you murmured – I guess I’m going to pass out…

Hades took you in his arms the moment when your feet failed you, stopping you from falling on the corridor.

– Guess the party was too much for you, little one – he whispered to you – Sorry for not taking you away before.

You smiled.

– And awakening the wrath of my new pairs so soon with this rudeness? No, I pass.

You didn’t remember if anything more was said between you or if you really passed out, but you only opened your eyes again when you heard a knob being turned and the door of your room was opened.

Hades crossed the living room, where you spotted candle lights on each corner, and took you to the bed area. Moving the sheets away, he left you on the right side of the bed and went to the balcony’s doors, opening them to let the fresh air and the soft light of outside in. When he came back to you, you were sitting on the bed, trying to take off your shoes.

– Allow me – he sat on your side and, without waiting for a response, put your feet on his lap and started to untie the straps of your shoes.

You sighed.

– The numbness is leaving, but I’m still tired – you passed a hand on your face, not worried about blurry your makeup – And this headache is increasing…

Hades bent down and left your shoes on the floor beside the bed.

– Come here – and, when you took off your feet from his lap and did as he said, – Untying your hair will release you from part of the discomfort.

He took off your crown and hairpin, then started to untangle the strands. You stood in silence as his fingers ran through your scalp, and realized you were feeling asleep; when you noticed, you were already leaning on your husband’s shoulder. He passed his arms around you and kissed your hair.

– I’m going to call Hermes and tell him to send Asclepius to see you – he said.

– The god of Medicine?

– Yes. He has seen cases like yours before, including Psique and Hercules – he explained – He will help you to get through the transformation.

You made a “hmmm” and sighed.

– I think I’m going to take a bath while he doesn’t arrive.

– Do you need help?

You shivered. Of course, you knew that showing yourself unclothed before your husband would become part of your private routine, but you haven’t thought too much about it, so the naturalness with which he asked that sounded sudden, to say the least.

– No… No, thank you.

When you were able to stand again, Hades left to call Hermes and you headed to the bathroom to prepare everything.

***

Contrary to what you imagined, taking a bath without help in those conditions wasn’t that hard. Your clothes were light and you were already on barefoot, so that the only struggle was to organize all the stuff you’d need. Besides, there was a bathtub large enough for you to stretch your legs and carved at a reasonable distance from to the wall, so you could rest your head on its border and leave all those inches of hair out.

Your right foot touched the warm water and a shiver was sent through your entire body. You passed your arms around yourself, finding the sensation strange: you weren’t that cold, right?

Well, whatever.

You were too tired to deliberate. You entered the water and stood there for the longest time possible.

***

You were already back on the bedroom, took your new side of the bed, wearing a night gown that didn’t reveal too much under a robe that you wrapped tight around your waist to wait for the doctor – that is, the Lord of all them – to see you. Hades hasn’t still come back when you left the bath and the chambers were too quiet, except for the sound of the evening birds out there and the ruffling grass touched by the wind.

You frowned.

I’m sure that they’re are at a good distance from our place. It’s funny that I’m able to hear them from here.

And even more funny was that you had the impression that those soft sounds were increasing your headache. You pressed your fingers against your temples. Could it be that the ambrosia was causing all of this?

If so, how long must I endure these symptoms? I only hope that Asclepius-sama answers my questions. That would surely make me less anxious.

You were thinking of this when you heard the noise of a door opening and footsteps approaching the room. You straightened up on the bed and, a moment later, Hades entered, accompanied by a young man… whom you already knew.

– Ah! Apollo-sama? – and, frowning, – You’re a bit different from earlier…

In fact, the visitor was like a living shadow of Apollo, but as your eyes got used to his figure, you were able to spot crucial differences: instead of the extravagant garment and golden jewelry, this young man wore nothing but a common, white tunic with a slit on each side, and a pair of leather sandals which straps reached the spot under his jerks; around his waist, a blue stripe of the same fabric, and no accessories were seen, except a satin stripe tying his long hair, which was of a darker shade than Apollo’s, and the same could be said about his eyes. On his right hand, he carried a sort of cane in the form of a column, with a serpent’s body wrapped around it, and over his shoulder there was a large bag, similar to the one of a traveler.

The young man, you also noticed, seemed to have the exact opposite of Apollo’s expansive personality and mannerism.

In the middle of this, Hades laughed when he heard your words.

– It never gets boring – and, turning to the visitor, – But I bet it ceased to be funny for you long ago, right?

The man carried a gentle smile on his face.

– It used to bother me in the past, but now I really don’t care much, Hades-sama – he commented with a low, composed voice – After all, my father is known for his presentable looks. So being mistaken for him is rather a compliment.

That conversation left you even more confused.

– I don’t understand – you alternated your look between your husband and the other man – You are Apollo-sama’s son?

– Yes. I am Asclepius, God of Medicine – the man nodded in respect – It’s been a while since I’ve met a newly formed goddess, so it’s an honor to meet you, y/n from Midgard.

#snv x reader #ror x reader #ror hades x reader #snv hades x reader #record of ragnarok hades #shuumatsu no valkyrie hades

59 notes · View notes

muniimyg · 1 year

Text

12 | three for three

series m.list

note: thank you all for all the love you send through interactions! it’s definitely been so fun talking and spending a few delulu moments with you <3 i hope you enj this written! we take a moment to dig deeper with the characters and their feelings... the fun truly begins after this! don’t forget to comment/reblog with your thoughts as i’d love to hear back from you! a special thank you to @floweryjeons for the mini concept !!! and @thealexalcala for “all i need is FLUFFFFFFFF” 😆 please forgive the minor typos/mistakes ... will be editing this when i have the time <3

taglist request: send a request with the title of this fic “your universe” // please DO NOT comment here or on the masterlist . it gets confusing and i prefer answering and tagging through asks !!!

taglist: @yukiehyukie @tarahardcore @bbsantc @jeonqkooks-main @whoa-jo @ellesalazar @exhibitachol @pamzn @floweryjeons @boraength @4ksj @joonsjuice @taegijns @avtrns @taegix94 @bloopkook @jihopesjoint @firesighgirl @vantxx95 @damn-u-min-yoongi @yoongukie-ff @hopeworldjimin @thisisaburnphone @pb-n-juju

If Yoongi had to sum up his feelings for you... Well, it wouldn’t be a very long list.

It’s not because he dislikes you—no, he does like you! He just feels indifferent. Even if his friends are the definition of comfort and chaos, Yoongi remains indifferent.

When you confessed for the first time, his immediate thought was that it was too early. You two were only 4 months into being friends. Besides, you were a little too tipsy. Though aware of your confession, you asked him for a clearer answer the following day. With a pounding headache, Yoongi’s words left you feeling even worse.

“I think we would be better off as friends… We just met and I don’t want to ruin what we could be.”

What you could be?

Friends. That’s what.

By the second confession, a year or so passed. It was during a study session and you brought it up as casual as you could—too afraid of scaring him off but even more afraid of remaining friends with someone who you’ve completely fallen for. Yoongi was talking about the weather and the spring season transitioning in. You smiled in return before mentioning wanting to see the cherry blossoms. Before you could even finish your confession, Yoongi’s softened his gaze and sighed.

“___, nothing changed. We’re better off as friends.. I hope you understand. But, hey, we can see the cherry blossoms with the others if you really want to.”

No.

You didn’t really want to see the cherry blossoms. You just wanted to be with him. You just wanted to see something pretty with him.

Then, by the third confession… You couldn’t hold yourself together. You two were being teased at a party. Everyone was asking when Yoongi would finally ask you out. Everyone noted how often you two hung out or how clingy you were with him. Shoved closer and closer to him, he embraced you and laughed. To everyone, he professed; “I don’t like her that way. She’s just a friend. She’s my ace.”

That stung.

Even if everyone was piss drunk, you were completely sober and the feelings his words brought to you made you intoxicated with hurt.

That party was 3 days before the first game you didn’t attend. Yoongi clearly doesn’t remember it even though he walked you home. The confusing signals only made your heart ache and your head hurt. The following day, as you contemplated on going to his game; his words rang clear in your head.

You just had to take the hint.

You and Yoongi are friends. He wants to remain just friends... You rather not. In your heart, you can’t be friends with someone you’re in love with. It’s too messy. It’s too unfair. It’s too risky.

Then, the game happened and you were no where to be seen. Yoongi had gone outside the court before the game even began to look for you in the crowd. You weren’t answering his texts and he found it odd.

You never ignore him.. Even if you’re mad.

As time went by and Yoongi reflected on his feelings... He soon realized how his heart has begins to feel tight in his chest whenever you walk by. It has started to race and beat faster and faster every inch you get closer to him. How his hands would be sweaty all the time and maybe that’s why his handles when he plays are always on point… Because you were there making him nervous.

That’s the funny thing.. After all this time, him rejecting you for the sake of preserving your friendship; Yoongi abandoned his own feelings for you. That’s the plain truth. Yoongi has never processed the thought of having a crush on you back. He always figured if the timing would be better.. If he wasn’t such a coward... If there was one more chance with you; you were worth the shot.

It was love at first sight… On your end.

You caught feelings for Yoongi almost instantly. Within 1 month of knowing him, you couldn’t keep it together. Every slight touch, every time he said your name or walked you home… He had you. In every moment he tried and in every moment didn’t; he had continued to engrave himself into your heart.

You never tried to hide your feelings for him. If you were upset, annoyed, or in love with him more than ever—it was obvious. No one could read you better than him… But that was before.

Suddenly you don’t show up to their game.

Suddenly you’re ignoring him mentioning you in chats.

Suddenly you’re never around.

It’s so strange and frankly, it’s quite frustrating to Yoongi. He figured that if there was any time for you to feel offended or sensitive about him rejecting you.. It should’ve been the first time. Given that you’ve attempted 3 times in total—well, shouldn’t you be used to it by now? What were you expecting anyway? That one day, he would come to you? That one day, it would work out?

No.

There was so much pride you swallowed.

There were far too many nights where you lost sleep over him. Staying up with him to study, waking up early to walk to class to with him even when you didn’t have any scheduled… Not to mention taking care of the whole basketball team on his behalf. From baking cupcakes for their victory parties to helping them with car washes to help fundraise for their away games—sometimes, they were convinced you were the only reason Yoongi plays so well.

He plays well because he has you to take care of him.

He plays well because he has you to impress.

He plays well because he has you.

Had.

He had you.

To be fair, your sudden cold attitude from you took everyone by surprise as you have no problem expressing your sweetness through warm acts. Especially since Yoongi has always been your favourite... It was odd for you to pull away. Nevertheless, it was needed.

The truth is, no one has ever paid attention to Yoongi the way you do.

He knows that—everyone knows that. You don’t. To you, you see him as this tender-hearted man that just needs a little goodness in his day. If you could be that, why not?

Even if he can’t fully admit it now—let alone know it—you gave him a sense of peace and love. It’s something he has never gotten from others. It’s something that was only found in your presence and fades in your absence.

It’s rest.

In the same sense that you’re the first person to make him feel a sense of peace and love—you’re also the first person he is wildly unsure and unwaveringly certain of.

It’s the scariest part of being around you.

He’s afraid you’re a once in a lifetime kind of person. He’s afraid, he’s not that to you. Have you moved on already? The idea of loving you is natural. The idea of wanting to be good to you is second nature. The idea of you and him—is it inevitable?

“There you guys are!” Jungkook squeals from a far.

The next thing you know, he’s running up to you and Yoongi along with the other guys.

Yoongi, who has done nothing but stand by your side and make sad attempts of conversation with you since the bidding, smiles at his friends in relief. Was it that horrible being with you?

No.

He’s just nervous and you overthink.

You turn to Yoongi and pout. “What’s going on? I thought we were going to get cotton candy for Jungkook—”

Your crush shrugs as he shoves his hands inside his pocket. “Hmm.. Think this will be sweeter.”

Huh.

Before you could question what he means, Jungkook greets you with an overwhelming bear hug. You laugh and Yoongi sends Jungkook a warning look. Jungkook sticks his tongue out at him. It’s blue from the cotton candy.

As he pulls away, Jungkook immediately locks his arms with yours.

“You wanna get married, ___?”

Your eyes widen.

Never in a million years did you think you would end up friends with such out of pocket people.

It’s important to note that when they all first met you, they thought your kindness would wear off and you would reveal your true self. Yet, 3 years have passed and you are just as angelic as the first day they met you. With your pleasant presence, it became a blur as to how you all got along or how the friend group came to be.

It just happened.

It was suddenly you and 7 overprotective friends. Some, however, are more protective and entitled than others.

Therefore, their overprotectiveness, even towards Yoongi, was necessary. You felt secure with their love. Now, what’s happening? Are they supporting Yoongi? ... Since when?

“Pardon? To who? You?”

You love Jungkook and all.. But you’re loyal to the man who rejected you multiple times.

“Ew! You’re pretty and all but God knows you wouldn’t be able to handle all this...” Jungkook gestures to himself. Yoongi rolls his eyes and you let out a small chuckle before sharing a look between the two.

“I’m so confused—”

Jungkook groans, tugging you. “Arghh, just come!”

Your eyebrows knit into a frown at Yoongi as Jungkook drags you away. You raise your voice to be heard; “I thought we were going to hang out?”

Yoongi nods at you nonchalantly, heart melting from your words. Under his breath, he mutters: “silly girl, who do you think you’re marrying?”

The marriage booth is basically the new kissing booth.

Your school’s facility only approved of it since it promotes healthy family relationships and blah blah blah. Truth be told, it’s just a booth where friends drag each other to expose their crushes.

Hence, why your friends are doing what they’re doing.

Jungkook, Jimin, and Hoseok are standing on your side as your bridesmaids. They’re holding cotton candy like bouquets. Meanwhile, Jin and Nam Joon stand on Yoongi’s side. Taehyung stands in the middle of you and Yoongi as the officiant.

You have butterflies in your stomach but you’re doing everything to calm them down. Yoongi keeps looking forward, hardly even looking at you. It makes you nervous.

What is he thinking?

Should you just run away?

Would it matter if you did?

Just do it. Would he even stop you?

You bite your bottom lip and look side to side. Taking a deep breath, you sneakily turn away. Hosoek catches your eyes and shakes his head, warning you to stay put.

You don’t listen.

Just as your feet are about to move, Yoongi tightens his grip with your hands and holds you still.

You gulp.

Even then, he doesn’t look at you. Instead, you notice his jaw tighten. You take the hint and stay put.

Taehyung clears his throat before he wiggles his eyebrows at you. It’s obvious he is far too excited to be doing this. “Some say love is found in our every day. However, I believe it’s actually found once in a lifetime. With that being said, friends, we are gathered here today to celebrate the once in a lifetime of Yoongi and ___. Should anyone present know of any reason why these two should not wed, speak now or forever hold your peace—”

“She’s too hot for him—”

Abruptly, you and Yoongi turn your head and see Hoseok and Jungkook covering a swimmer’s mouth and dragging him away from the crowd. Hoseok and Jungkook give innocent smiles as they take care of the interruption...

“Anyone relevant? No? Okay… Yay! You may now kiss the bride!” Taehyung smiles proudly, gesturing for you two to stand closer together. He leans in between you to two and whispers loudly, “... I said kiss!”

You stand still, unsure of what to do.

Kissing Yoongi—as silly as it sounds—never occurred to you. You’ve spent so much of your time falling for him emotionally—a kiss never crossed your mind. Now what? You’re supposed to kiss him in front of everyone?

Before you can say anything, Taehyung turns your body to face Yoongi. Yoongi takes a step forward and closes in on you. It’s then that you realize you’re still holding his hand and how… How nice it is to be doing so.

“No vows?” You ask, trying to stall.

Taehyung shakes his head and smirks at you. “Nah. I don’t give a shit about I do’s. Just seal it with a kiss!”

You look at Taehyung with pleading eyes. “K-kiss? Y-you want us to kiss?”

Yoongi scoffs, taking your attention away from Taehyung. “Yah, ___... You’ve liked me for 3 years and suddenly you don’t want to kiss me?”

“What? S-shut up! No, it’s just—”

“Are you not ready?” Yoongi suggest, half teasing and half aware that this may be going too fast. “We don’t have to if you don’t feel comfortable with doing so. You don’t need to act all tough to avoid embarrassing me.”

You let go of his hand and cross your arms at him. Lowering your gaze, you frown. “I am tough. I don’t care if you get embarrassed—”

“Why are you stalling?”

“Why are you asking so many questions?”

He glares at you. “I’m not asking a lot of questions.”

“Yes, you are!”

Yoongi digresses.

“You want a question? Fine. Can you whistle?”

“Excuse me? Of course, I can whistle. What does whistling have to do with any of this—”

“Do it,” Yoongi challenges you. “Whistle. I don’t think you can..”

You give him a confused face for nth time today. He tilts his head at you and insists you prove him wrong.

Rolling your eyes, you give in to his odd request.

As you pucker up your lips, Yoongi swiftly wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you towards him. As your bodies crash together, he places his other hand to cup your chin and even squishes your cheeks together with his thumb and index finger.

His gaze softens as he looks into your eyes.

You blink.

You panic as you suddenly register what he has just done. What he’s doing... In front of everyone. Before you can even decide if you should lean in or push him away, he decides for you.

Yoongi lets you go and takes a step back. As you compose yourself, he purses his lips and nags, “you’re not ready. That’s okay. I’ll be right here when you are.”

By sunset, Jungkook’s sugar rush reaches it’s peak.

He’s jumping off trash bins and talks everyones ears off. Jin insists on taking him home while Nam Joon, Hoseok, and Taehyung decide to stay to help Jimin and the student council clean up.

That leaves you two.

After the marriage booth, you and Yoongi avoid conversing. The rest of the day was filled with playing games and mostly watching over Jungkook. Honestly? There wasn’t much to say as you two were practically walking on eggshells.

“Hey,” Yoongi approaches you shyly as the rest of the group goes disperse.

“Hi.”

“Are you staying behind to help Jimin or are you heading home?”

You look around and notice all the people tearing down the equipment. There’s plenty of them and the mess isn’t that bad either. Could you think of an excuse to get out of whatever Yoongi is about to pitch?

Or should you just face it? Feelings are feelings and people are people. You can’t keep avoiding him forever. Besides... He’s trying, isn’t he?

You digress.

“I might just head home unless the future president asks me to do something,” you nod in Jimin’s direction. “Let me go ask—”

As you’re about to leave his side, Yoongi catches the hood of your jacket and holds you still. You pretend to choke and even reach out your hands as if you need help. Turning to him, he lets go and you let out a small laugh to lighten the mood.

“You don’t need to talk to him. It’s me,” he says so devastatingly—so pathetically—no, so desperately. “You need to talk to me. ___, can we please talk?”

You aren’t too sure if it’s the way he pleaded or because your heart completely betrayed what your mind has been trying to commit to. You can’t get over him.

“You going to confess to me or something?” you tease.

Yoongi smiles at you softly in response. Then, he nods towards a direction before walking away. Sighing, you pick up your feet and follow him in silence.

Yoongi leads you to the middle.

It’s away from the crowd and near the beach side of campus. It’s not too far away from your place or Yoongi’s. You can hear the waves crashing from a distance and all your friends chatting on the other side. Sitting on the bench, you watch the sunset dissolve in the reflection of the water. As you swing your feet, you stay quiet and let this moment be it’s own.

When the colours of the sky dim and the streets lights flicker to be more prominent, you decide to suck it up. You should confront your issues now.

“So… What’s up?” You break the silence and it takes Yoongi a good minute to compose himself.

This is it.

This is his moment.

He shakily takes a deep breath before abruptly standing up. Yoongi has a bad habit of keeping his hands in his pocket... But who could blame him? It’s how he feels the most comfortable and truth be told; he needed something to keep him from going crazy.

Everything he feels for you is so new.. It’s unfamiliar.

“I don’t think we can be friends,” Yoongi confesses. He feels like he could burst from the relief he instantly feels. “... I want to be with you. I want to be more than friends and I understand my realization is late and I don’t deserve another chance—but I’m asking for one anyway. I’ll be better this time.”

His promise sounds bittersweet to you.

“You didn’t want me before,” you remind him. “I was finally trying to get over you… And then you started to care when I wasn’t around. Do you miss me or do you miss me tending to your ego—”

“You.”

“Yoongi… You say it so easily.” You try to pass off the hurt with a laugh. It makes your heart clench. How could he be like this? All of the sudden, he was finally saying the right things. Everything you’ve ever wanted to hear from him is finally being said… What are you doing fighting it? Perhaps you’re hurt. Perhaps you’re scared. Perhaps it finally feels difficult. “I don’t get it.. I’ve liked you for 3 years… Now? Now you want me? You lose a few games and suddenly you need me around?”

“Win or lose, it’s you,” Yoongi confesses. “I don’t get it either. It’s like… It hit me and once I accepted how I felt… It was the easiest thing to know. Ace, you need to know that I have always wanted you. I just… I didn’t want to ruin the friendship and the timing felt too off. You hardly knew me and I’ve always felt indifferent to so many things in life. You know me. You know the kind of person I am. You know the person I could be. I can be emotionally mature. I can be communicative. I can’t express myself as much as you do or as much as Hoseok can but I—”

“What?”

“Nevermind… That’s not the point. The point is; you know me better than anyone else. You know this is me trying. You know this is me being honest with my feelings for you. You believe in me more than anyone and now I’m believing in you.”

“Do you hear yourself? You rejected me.”

A beat.

“And I regret it. I’m so sorry for everything but I also can’t apologize for not knowing any better… Now I do and now I will be better.”

“What are you saying?”

“___, please date me and dump me over and over again—I don’t care. I want you in any way you’ll let me have you.”

You heart skips a beat.

For the first time, it does so when it should. When Yoongi is finally saying the right things and you’re in a position that doesn’t make you feel pathetic and hopeless.

Regardless, you need a moment to process it all. Yoongi takes your silence as just that.

He waits.

He wonders.

Then, he hopes.

You sit and contemplate everything.

Your feelings for him never left. You tried to dim them but it was no use. Every message, every shared look, and every moment that fleets between you two only makes your heart grow fonder.

But alas, you answer him.

“Three for three.”

Yoongi looks at you confused. “What are you talking about?”

“I confessed to you three times. You rejected me three times. I’m giving you three chances to confess to me which means I have three chances to reject or accept. If I accept, then we can be together. I’ll be your girlfriend since you want me so bad,” you tease. Yoongi rolls his eyes at you, trying to mask his hopeful feeling. “This counts as one. My answer tonight is no. You’re right... Back when you rejected me for the first time. It feels like we just met. I’ve never seen this side of you and I’d like to get to know you better. This also gives you the chance to get to know me... So, sucks to suck. Better luck next time, aki.”

Yoongi sighs in defeat but accepts happily. Who is he to argue with you? You just granted him the best wish. He takes his hands out of his pockets and reaches out for you. You stare at it and look at him blankly.

“Can I at least walk you home?”

The truth is, you have never considered yourself to be stubborn. You’ve always been forgiving and embracive with second chances. Maybe that’s why you give in to Yoongi’s request. Maybe that’s why you let your heart be it’s own and guide you once again...

Maybe that’s why under the cherry blossom trees, Yoongi holds your hand and walks you home.

300 notes · View notes

luxgalador · 1 year

Note

Am I misremembering or were you sober? I might be confusing you with another youtuber

No that was me. Last summer, I was curious to check in with myself and where I stood with substances. I was surrounded by really good friends and was in a good headspace and I had a couple drinks.

Critically, I did not feel the compulsion that plagued my 20s and caused me IMMENSE distress to get absolutely obliterated. It was just.... gone.... it wasn't there.

Addiction used to be a daily fight for me. Daily. Literally daily. It ruined nights out. It ruined my ability to socialize. I was afraid and in pain nearly constantly over it.

And it was gone.

I can't prove it empirically, but the big difference between last summer and socializing before the pandemic (this event was really the first thing I had done since COVID started) is transition.

I believe I treated a core disconnect within me, a fundamental source of pain and suffering that was present my whole life. A pain I desperately wanted to escape from but had no actual means. Until transition, escape was the only option.

When we talk about gender affirming healthcare being life saving, it's not an exaggeration. My struggles with substances and the difficulty I experienced with sobriety seem to have been alleviated in a way I never believed possible. I'm honestly in awe that it's just not there. I had 1 (too strong lmao) drink tonight and have no desire to continue. Like. This sounds like normal human behavior but I cannot stress how miraculous that is to me.

It's just.... Gone. This monstrous voice in my head that would scream at me until satiated and my mind completely numb to reality..... It's just gone.

I don't even drink that often. And when I do, at most I just get kinda silly. I've not had more than like 3 drinks in a night.

So yeah! I was sober. For 10 years I was. And then last August I checked in with myself after realizing that I simply was not struggling with it day to day and confirmed my wildest dreams.

Am I cured? I'm not gonna go that far. It's important to me to always be in touch with myself and where I stand. I feel fortunate to have this language fluency in addiction and I understand firsthand how bad these things can get. I still feel fortunate I even survived what happened in 2011/12.

So here's me at 30 learning about alcohol and different drinks and how to make cocktails for the first time, able to do so responsibly.

#word vomit

52 notes · View notes

chenfordsbby · 9 months

Text

"Heartbreak"

Season 1, Episode 12 “Heartbreak"

“The team is on high alert during the most dangerous day of the year, Valentine’s Day; Oficer Nolan invites everyone over for a party now that he is single.”

Original Air Date: February 12, 2019

Written By: Vincent Angell

Directed By: Carol Banker

Happy Sunday again- back at it with Episode 12! Lets Get in the Shop, shall we?

Another cold open starting us strong with our favorite rookie trio! And this time it includes also seeing Sargent Grey off duty as well. It’s obvious this episode is going to be centered around Valentines Day and perhaps some type of romance? Leave it to Nolan to ruin Grey’s romantic date night with his wife, who we are introduced too for the first time!

John wakes up on Valentines Day morning to a phone call from a flower shop having trouble being delivered to his ex-wife. This is the first time in 20 years that John is single and on Valentines day and Ben realizes that too. He offers to throw John a Valentines Day party that night to get his mind off of everything.

Angela and Wesley are getting dressed together after clearly spending the previous night together. Their relationship is moving fast, but they seem to like each other. At the same time though, Wesley seems to be a bit more in-tuned with his feelings than Angela is: the mentioning of Valentines Day gifts, wanting to spend more time with her, actually dating her.

Back in the roll call room Valentines Day morning, Grey announces, “Valentines Day is the most dangerous day of the year”. I guess we are going to find out why. Lucy notes that her T.O. is not in the roll call room, to which Grey says that Tim took a personal day, Angela can’t believe it as he’s never taken one a day in his life and Lucy gets succumbed to the front desk duty for the day.

The only valid reason as to why Tim would ever take a personal day: Isabel. This is the first we are seeing Isabel again after laying post brain surgery in a hospital bed after the failed drug bust. She is in a rehab facility and clearly clean and sober and doing good. Even Tim notices, “You look like you again”. This is a side we haven’t seen from Tim since the pilot. It’s like Tim seeing Isabel sober and happy for the first time in a year has made him happy, as it should. He sees his wife again.

Isabel and Tim are walking through the rehab facility, just talking. Something that they haven’t done in years. Isabel tells Tim that she’s been talking to a therapist and how she needs, or wants Tim to trust her again. Tim doesn’t blame Isabel directly for hurting him all those years, he blames the drugs because its the drugs that led Isabel to do what she did to him. It was the addict in her. Isabel says she will always be an addict. Isabel informs Tim that she felt pressure after marrying Tim to live up to his standards, and that she felt like she failed in doing so. Could that be a reason why she chose to go down a path of drug use for so long?

Tim looks distraught, obviously over hearing Isabel tell him that she never felt good enough being his wife, in lack of better wording. Tim doesn’t want to be angry anymore, all he wants is his wife back, but he knows deep down that he really will never have Isabel back. Isabel may be back to her old self but she isn’t the same person that Tim married, not really. There will always be the weight and heaviness between them of Isabels drug use. No matter how well Isabel does in her recovery and on her sober journey, Tim knows that he will always be the constant reminder to Isabel when she was at her very lowest at the height of her drug use. Tim knows that in order for Isabel to 100% recover, he can’t be with her anymore, they can’t be married anymore and he tells her that it’s the end of their relationship. His voice breaks, telling Isabel this, as it should. He is telling his wife of 10 years that their marriage is officially over, even though he knows it’s been over for a while. He does it for Isabel, so she can have the recovery that she deserves, but he also needs to do it for himself too. If they chose to remain married, it would never be like before; like before the drug use. They could pretend everything is better, but it really will never be. There would always be a cloud hanging over both of their heads, both of them waiting for the next ball to drop to affect their marriage. For both of them to move on with their lives, they have to move on separately and accept that their marriage is done. And that decision is the best thing to happen for Isabel and for Tim. Even though he never gave up on her and their marriage even when everyone was telling him to do so, he has to end it here and now. Even now, this still isn’t giving up, it’s giving each other closure; but as Tim is finally walking away from Isabel for the last time, you see the weight of everything that was Isabel and their marriage, finally life off his shoulders. It’s the end of one chapter of Tim’s life but also the beginning of the very next one.

John invites Jackson and Lucy to his Valentines Day party at his house later tonight, to which Lucy and Jackson both accept. He also invites Angela and Talia- Angela does not hesitate to decline but Talia also chooses to pass as she has plans already that Angela doesn’t seem too happy to hear about…

Jackson tries to talk to Angela about her personal life, asking if she’s going to be seeing Wesley for dinner later, but she reminds Jackson, “We’re friendly, not friends”- no personal talk, but Angela still chooses to confide in him anyway, telling Jackson that she saw that Wesley bought her a V-Day gift, even though Wesley doesn’t think that she did, and she doesn’t know what to do. As Jackson and Angela take their guy into the station, Angela sees Wesley being taken in by a fellow officer in handcuffs, a judge booked him for contempt of court, which Angela is having fun with. The first lovers quarrel happens right after as Wesley associates the officer in court with not only Angela but with basically every other officer, period. “Even if he was, that doesn’t give you permission to hurt him like that” “Give me permission”. Angela doesn’t like it and has someone else book him, clearly upset by Wesley’s comment.

Wesley is still being held in a holding cell as the judge still doesn’t want him related yet. Angela puts her pride aside and tells Wesley that if he gets released early enough, shell let him take her out to dinner, but Wesley already made plans for the evening. You can see Angelas face fall, but she recovers and tells Wesley that its no big deal, but she does snoop in his belongings to see what his evening plans are; “Dinner-Melanie”.

Jackson and Angela are at the hospital to take a statement from an assault victim, but it seems Jackson is also there to flirt with the male nurse behind the desk, the same male nurse that Tim berated just an episode ago when he was there with Lucy from the needle exposure. In the room with the assault victim, Jackson and Angela are asking him routine questions, but the victim really doesn’t remember anything, and they are on their way. Nell tells Jackson and Angela that something doesn't add up with the call she sent them on to the assault victim because at the same time this guy was assaulted, there was also another call of derailed kidnapping, the woman who the assault victim was trying to kidnap turned the cards and started attacking him and Angela figures that out after questioning him again with Jackson because he slips up.

When Angela is back at the station to run some reports, Captain Anderson tells her that after detectives looked into her hospital victim, they attached multiple abuse victims and even homicides to him leading him to be a serial killer that they have been looking for. Angela texts that over to Jackson, who is still at the hospital watching over him, but when Jackson goes to check in on him, he pretend to have fallen only to attack Jackson, he knows that they are on to him.

Angela sees Jackson on the floor of Kevin’s hospital room. Kevin knocked Jackson out and took his loaded gun. Angela chases him through the hospital stairwell and fights him until she finally gets the cuffs on him, not without a few bumps and bruises though, he didn’t go down easily. Angela gets to put away a decades long serial killer, good for her!

John and Talia are in the shop together, and John tries to insinuate a personal conversation between him and Talia but is not successful. It still seems that this Rookie/T.O duo are the least to be bonded in any way, in my opinion. Their relationship still seems out of place compared to Jackson and Angela and Tim and Lucy. Something is missing still. They respond to a car accident and a women gets electrocuted by live down wires. John starts to giver her CPR and resuscitates her. She is grateful, as anyone would be. The woman whose live John saved turns up at the front desk of the station asking for John. Desk Duty Lucy pages him over the loud speaker for her. You can slice the awkward silence between Lucy and this woman as they are waiting for John with a knife. This is the first time that Lucy is witnessing anything romantic happening with John since breaking up with him, which is why I think it is awkward for her, but I don’t think she cares, it’s just weird, especially when the woman asks John to come over and check up on her after his shift is done, AWKWARD.

John and Talia respond to an intruder call, as they sweep the house, it is clear and when they go to inform the home owner that it is clear to come out of the bathroom, where she was hiding in, it is the same woman who John rescued “Officer Nolan, came to rescue me again?”. Talia berates the woman for placing a false 9-1-1 call but John asks to speak to her alone. Being very aware of his surroundings, John notices a wedding picture and asks about the woman’s husband, to which she tells him he dies in action almost a year ago and hasn’t been the same since until that very morning when John rescued her. John lets her down easy telling her that he is not interested in her and what she is experiencing is pure adrenaline. I mean she only did get electrocuted a few hours ago that very same day.

John and Lucy are done for the day and start to head out to Nolans Valentines Day Party, which Lucy is quite hesitant to still go too because they run into Angela as they are leaving who tell them that her and Jackson are still working on their case so Jackson won’t be there, and we all know that Lucy only said yes to going because of Jackson. Lucy and John are decorating Johns place getting ready for his Valentines Day party and Ben tells them that he invited over a date, and when he brings her in to meet them, it turns out to be the same woman again that John rescued, Denise. “Oh my God, what a small world”. In an ever so John way, he tells Ben that she is just using him to get to John because she thinks that she has feelings for him when in actuality she’s just transferring those feelings that she still has for her late husband onto John. Classic. John finds Denise waiting for him in bed and she notes that she just wants someone to look at her the way that John looks at Lucy, because she tells him that she noticed that. As John is going to get Denise out of the bed to get her dressed and on her way home, an empty pill bottle falls out of the bed, as she took all the pills. John calls an ambulance and him, Lucy and Ben just need to keep her awake until they arrive. Before the ambulance arrives, looking right at John, she speaks to him as if he was her late husband. She just flat out misses him, she doesn’t know what to do without him there anymore. It’s truly sad. Even though we will never see her again, I hope she gets the help she needs.

Lucy offers to go with Denise to the hospital to make sure that she’s okay, mainly for John because he wanted to go with her, but also because I think she wanted to get out of staying at Johns Valentines Party, and this was her escape out.

Angela brings Talia her flowers that someone sent to her at the station, Angela knowing exactly who they are from: a married, not separated, man that Talia seems to be sleeping with, who went back to his wife. Talia’s personal life is dicey.

At the end of the episode, Tim is back in the station, to do stacks of paperwork to get his mind off of everything that just happened with Isabel. Nell sees him walking through the station, and Tim asks her to go have a very platonic Valentines Day drink with him, as he really needs a friend and she accepts. I like this friendship, and I like Nell. I hope we get to see more of her. Tim deserves to have friends in his life, especially right now and she seems like one of the best.

Angela lets Wesley out of his cell as the judge finally lets him go- Angela lets Wesley know that he can make it in time to go have dinner with Melanie, but he isn’t too happy that Angela searched through his belongings, especially because Melanie is his step-mom. In Angela own words, “I really screwed that one up”.

Jackson goes to the hospital, to bring dinner for not only him but to the male nurse as well, I still don’t know if we know his name yet. He seems very into him, and they go on a date in the hospital, exactly what Jackson intended to do. He looks happy, and this is the first time we are seeing him show any romantic interest in another partner, we love to see it!

John and Ben are packing up all the food and drink for Johns seemingly failed first solo Vanities Day Party, and John tells Ben that it felt good that Denise was into him, which Ben tells him, that makes him human. To Johns surprise, Talia shows up at Johns, ready for the party to see that she’s the only one there, but that’s okay as she hangs out with Ben and John and wants to hear all of the dirty funny stories that Ben has of John fro their school days.

______________________________________________________

Honorable Mention: Lucys street style. I love seeing it!

Episode Peak: Angela and Wesley! I love seeing their relationship come into fruition.

Episode Pit: Tim. He has slowly became one of my favorite characters and seeing him so sad, really hurts.

Quote of the Episode: “I mean, what kind of husband would I be if I left you when you were lost? But you're not lost anymore. And I will always be a reminder of your lowest point of that shame you felt when you put that needle in your arm. So, as long as we're together, you're never gonna be able to move forward. This is the end” ~ Tim Bradford

Episode Rating: 8/10. This was a solid episode. It literally had zero Chenford in it, but that wasn’t the point of this episode. It was for the ending and closure of Isabel and Tim and the start of Wesley and Angela. I know well get out Chenford in due time, but it sucks without them, not gonna lie lol!

Until next time on “Get in The Shop”…

#The Rookie #The Rookie 1x12 #Heartbreak #Tim Bradford #Lucy Chen #Chenford #Angela Lopez #Jackson West #John Nolan #Talia Bishop #Get in the shop: the rookie re-cap blog #thank you again for reading this #I appreciate it so much #1x12 #Melissa O'Neil #Eric Winter #lucy x tim #Tim x Lucy

20 notes · View notes

appleatcha · 5 months

Text

Its been very, very rough. I can't bring myself to be open with the one or two people I speak to about how bad it is. If you speak to me regularly and see this, well here's my admission of guilt. I'm doing way worse than I let on.

Almost every day for a week now I write messages and record audio messages of me talking about how im really doing. But then I just delete them. I don't see a point in sending them. I feel like it would just feed into my anxiety and stress more.

I've cried at work every day this week. Over stress of life. My son struggling, myself struggling, the house being messy, the cats, it all. My main concern is my son obviously. I put spending time with him and making sure he's taken care of before anything else. But I just feel so overwhelmed. I'm constantly rushing all day. Except at work. At work I sit with nothing to do most of the time right now, and im left to sit and marinate on everything.

My brain is so stress-logged that I've made dumb mistakes at work, forgot to take the trash out for garbage pickup, left my water on top of the car today and ended up breaking my cup when it was launched off my car when I moved, forgot my sons bookbag at home and was nearly late for work rushing to get it to him.

If I let myself think about it, I crumble. And nobody wants to hear it. My friends who grew up with my husband and me aren't close enough to me to care. My husband's close friend just says "I wish i knew what to say".

The place my husband worked and died is right behind the Walmart where we live now. My son and i stopped and went inside the gas station beside it yesterday. The only time I'd been In there was with my husband. When we got back in the car I started to cry.

I feel like people think I should be angry and hateful and not care about him anymore. And I am angry. I do have days I think "fuck you". But its just not that easy. I loved him and I have no clue what was really going on in his mind. I can guess and have feelings but I just will never know.

In a recent video, Peter Monn was talking about addiction and helping people through it and he said "love isn't enough. If love was enough, there wouldn't be 12 step programs or detox programs or suboxone". And something about it just clicked in my head. And I think of my husband saying "this isn't worth being sober". Maybe what he was meaning to say was "love isn't enough."

I'll never know. I don't know if ill ever be able to open my heart to another relationship ever again. Part of me is desperate for it, part of me is desperate to stay away forever.

But the main thing is that my mental health is not great. It's not even this grand loud, chaotic energetic bad like it usually is. I'm not having full on panic attacks, telling my friends about what I'm feeling. It's a silent, calm drowning. Which I can't say I've ever experienced.

I'm not suicidal or anything like that. I could never do that to my son. I want to keep going. It's just really fucking rough. And I don't think people who are getting upset at me not responding or being active really grasp that. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, but its such a hard and treacherous path to that light. In my worst moments, I fear there is no light. That its all just ruined. But right now, I don't think that's true.

Its hard to imagine that January or even May were the same year as today. January, celebrating my one year marriage anniversary, working as a housekeeper. March, a housewife knowing something was up with my husband but not knowing what. August, an unemployed widow unsure of what happened, and December, a working single mom who happens to have been widowed, with more answers but also more questions now than I did the day he died.

Trying to take it moment by moment

9 notes · View notes

katieraven · 2 years

Text

𝕗𝕚𝕔 𝕣𝕖𝕔𝕤

aalright here we go! since i got into kpop i've collected quite an amount of just really fucking good fanfic by some amazing writers so do check them out if you feel like it!

legend:

smut ⛓

fluff 🥀

angst 🦋

𝓈𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓎 𝓀𝒾𝒹𝓈

𝕠𝕥𝟠

stray kids as dads 🥀 - @chvnnie summary: a day in the life of dad!stray kids

𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕟

hatefuck with chan ⛓🦋 - @ballelino summary: your love-hate relationship with chan turns more into the former than the latter

[02:12 am - chan] ⛓ - @stay-corner summary: i don't even know how to describe this just know it's one of the best smut scenes i've ever read and one of the first skz fics i found and i love it with all my being

complicated ⛓ - @ballelino summary: when your date takes you home, things get a little bit complicated once you realize you know his roommate

american whiskey ⛓🥀🦋 - @staywrds summary: If you think that him seeing your nudes ruined his night… Then, truly, Chan is deep, deep into the friendzone and there is nothing he can do about it.

be my escape ⛓🥀 - @chvnnie summary: life sucks. you don't.

a bad rep ⛓ - @lixtokki summary: the premise is you're a serial orgasm faker. chris takes it as a challenge.

high (all the time) 🥀 - @rachaminhoe summary: jisung always says they did their best work when high. you just didn’t believe them.

hoodies ⛓🥀🦋 - @chvnnie summary: best friend movie night takes an unexpected turn when you start a show jisung recommended.

3racha as rockstars 🦋- @rachalixie summary: simple concept. rockstar!3racha fluff. i love this with my whole heart.

𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕙𝕠

call me when you're sober ⛓🦋 - @chvnnie summary: the line that divides love and hate is so blurry when it comes to minho.

dance lessons - @rachaminhoe summary: imagine minho gives you dance lessons. no really. imagine it.

can't get you off my mind - @rachalixie summary: classic you-meet-minho-at-a-party-and-he-takes-your-breath-away trope

[rec.] ⛓ - @chvnnie summary: it was only a matter of time before minho invited himself into your live streams.

𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕘𝕓𝕚𝕟

complicated ⛓ - @ballelino summary: when your date takes you home, things get a little bit complicated once you realize you know his roommate

channie doesn't know ⛓🥀 - @chvnnie summary: the greatest mistake changbin has ever made.

3racha as rockstars 🦋- @rachalixie summary: simple concept. rockstar!3racha fluff. i love this with my whole heart.

𝕛𝕚𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕘

let go ⛓🥀🦋 - @stayboba summary: Your feelings for Jisung and the jealousy you have for a certain staff member cause you to distance yourself from him, until one night the truth comes out…

complicated ⛓ - @ballelino summary: when your date takes you home, things get a little bit complicated once you realize you know his roommate

the bet ⛓ - @chvnnie summary: hyunjin and jisung make a bet. the prize? you.

dream ⛓🥀 - @chvnnie summary: the world has been against you lately, but jisung will always be there to keep you safe.

3racha as rockstars 🦋- @rachalixie summary: simple concept. rockstar!3racha fluff. i love this with my whole heart.

𝕤𝕖𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕞𝕚𝕟

cereal 🥀 - @rachalixie summary: domestic morning fluff

𝕙𝕪𝕦𝕟𝕛𝕚𝕟

the bet ⛓ - @chvnnie summary: hyunjin and jisung make a bet. the prize? you.

just stay with me ⛓🥀🦋- @staywrds summary: It's time for the yearly winter getaway organized by your boss. You haven't participated in a little while, but this year you're determined to spend some quality time with your coworkers.

𝕗𝕖𝕝𝕚𝕩

skyway avenue ⛓🥀 - @chvnnie summary: who knew a skateboard crash could make felix feel so alive?

𝒷𝓉𝓈

𝕟𝕒𝕞𝕛𝕠𝕠𝕟

substance ⛓🥀🦋 - @reliablemitten summary: you meet kim namjoon at the library during a yearlong fellowship in seoul. you’ve never heard of bts, but you like him. is there a place in his life for you?

𝕛𝕚𝕞𝕚𝕟

build a boyfriend ⛓🥀🦋 - @amethystwritesbts summary: When your heart is broken after a devastating breakup and you need a date so you don’t look as pathetic as you feel - what’s a girl to do?

batteries ⛓ - @amethystwritesbts summary: your sex life has been lackluster, much to the dismay of your roommate, who makes it his mission to show you sex can - and should - be amazing.

𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕜𝕠𝕠𝕜

elite chatboy ⛓ - @kookingtae summary: welcome to elite chatroom, a sex chat company with a wide variety of services such as text messaging, phone call, and video chat. you signed up online for the most basic text service plan not knowing what to expect, but you certainly didn’t think you’d end up actually liking the man behind the screen.

#katies recs

106 notes · View notes

imabillyami · 5 months

Text

8 years ago on this day...

8 years ago on this day my dad died. He was 45. It pretty much happened out of nowhere.

As in, we didn’t expect it to happen when it did and the way it did.

He was an addict - alcohol, narcotics, plentiful drugs, the whole palate, you name it.

He had already had a massive stomach tumor, a perforated stomach & had already died due to that on the table at age 35. The doctors who brought him back said it was a sheer miracle.

He got a second lease at life, but he didn’t use it. He never stopped drinking or searching the high of one more hit, even though the doctors told him it would kill him.

Still, his death happened out of nowhere for us. And it was quite tragic. Cause in the end it the doctors were right.

Don’t get me wrong, I hated my dad, I really did. He ruined my entire childhood, he ruined my mother, he ruined a good portion of my life.

I don’t remember many days as a kid where one of us didn’t end up beaten into a pulp. He started when I was still a toddler and he never stopped. Yet my mom stayed.

Even after he tried to stab her to death in front of me when I was 10. Even when beat her daily and broke her bones. Even when beat me and broke mine. He tried to kill himself in front of me when I was 12.

He tried to go after my little sister when she was still a toddler, but I never let him. From that day on it doubled the amount of beatings I took, cause he got a kick out of it when I put up a fight whenever he tried going after her.

When I was 14 he once again beat me into a pulp, before he kicked me out for being “a filthy whore” and “his biggest mistake”. After that I attempted to end my life for the first time. And after everything was said and done, my mom made me come back.

Just a few of the many highlights of my childhood/ teenage years.

My dad left me mentally and physically broken to the point where even now, many years later, most days walking or even standing hurts. Badly. His abuse paved my own way into addiction.

What I’m trying to say with all this, I’ll never understand that side of my dad. The violent side that is.

What I understand better now though, the older I get? The addiction and the mental health issues he was facing.

Much like him, I’m dealing with a number of serious mental health conditions. Even now that I’m diagnosed, most days are a never ending struggle.

Much like him, I’ve been an addict to everything I could get my hands on since my teenage years. That’s when the toll all these beatings took on my body started to really show and when my mind really started processing all the trauma that he'd put us through.

Much like it did him, my addiction almost killed me. It was only a couple of years ago that my own addiction was so bad that I had pretty much given up and accepted that it would take my life.

I hate my dad. Most days I’m glad he’s gone. But I understand his pain. So much.

Only thing different is that I never chose the path of violence that he chose. I never chose to hurt anyone or put them down to make them just as miserable as I was. I never chose violence to break someone.

I chose kindness and redemption and I was fortunate enough to find a way out of the addiction he could never escape. I’m thankful I chose that fight every day. And I’ll keep choosing that fight every day.

That being said, I am 615 days sober today. Longest I’ve been since I started using at the prime age of 13. And I couldn’t be prouder of myself for that. 615 days and hopefully forever.

I’m not gonna lie, I’m in pain almost every day, both physically and mentally, but for me living with that is better than not living at all. It’s better than endlessly chasing the numbness or the next high.

And despite everything I just said, I still grieve my dad. Not the man he was, but everything that could’ve been.

Despite everything he did to me I had chosen compassion. I had helped him get into rehab only months prior to his death, cause everyone else, even my mum, had finally given up on him.

I was barely 20, an addict myself and in no shape to take care of anyone, yet it was a last ditch effort to maybe somehow make him love me. Joke’s on me, cause he never did.

Last time I saw him was the summer before his death outside that rehab facility I dropped him off at. Our last text convo was making tentative plans for Christmas. A week later my then 13y.o. sister and my mum found him dead in his apartment. Multiple organ failure.

I never had a proper father figure to look up to, so what I’m really grieving is the idea of a father figure that could have been.

The topic is quite controversial within our family, too.

My mum just shoved everything aside and is still making him out to be this great guy that he wasn’t. She chose denial. Deep deep denial. My sister was too young to remember the worst of it. We shielded her the best we could, really.

My dad finally left us for one of his many affairs and moved out when she was 9. He moved away and she saw him twice a year after that.

I saw him once a year when he came to visit. And we couldn’t be in the same room for more than two minutes without things getting physical between us.

I still remember an instance when I was 17 and he tried to lay hands on me again during his visit. I punched him right in the face in self-defense and he had a pretty shiner after that.

My dad only moved back into town 6 months before his death in an attempt to fix things with my mum and my sister. I was already in college by then, I visited home during my term break though. Sometimes I wish I hadn't.

In these six months he did a number on my sister though, to the point where up until this day she sees him as this big hero.

A lot of it also is thanks to my mum’s stories. My sister firmly believes that my dad was flawed, yet was the best dad ever. My mum and sister are both so deep in denial that it physically pains me.

Me? I can’t forgive him. Never could. I see him for the monster he truly was. And I don’t believe in “protecting his memory”. Not when it’s all lies.

And every year around this day I can’t believe how much power he still holds over me, even from his grave. I’ve been in therapy on and off for 15 years, yet there’s things I can never let go or forget.

I’ve mostly forgiven my mum for what she put us through by staying with him. Mostly. The memories of my dad haunt me to this day though. The muscle memory is still there and the pain never leaves. I have constant physical reminders.

Anyway. Today I’m grieving the idea of a father I could’ve had and I’m grieving the things and years I lost to his cruelty. I’m grieving, yet I’m celebrating being alive and sober and on the path to a better life at the same time.

If you made it till here, just know this: I don’t want any pity. I don't wanna hear how strong I am. I know I am. But I wish I wasn't. I'd rather be not traumatized, but that's beside the point.

What I want is this: If you have someone you love, I want you to go hug them (a friend, a parent, a pet, whoever) today and think of a good memory you have with them, maybe tell them you love them. That would make me happy.

4 notes · View notes

natashxromanovf · 2 years

Text

natashxromanovf's 1k followers writing challenge

hi my angels! i wanted to thank you for 1000 followers. that's huge. there's so many of you here that i could fill a small town! i am infinitely grateful for every single one of you. i have met great friends on here, the nicest people, so thank you. i love you all, you deserve all the kisses in the world xx

⍟ rules:

- please choose max. 4 prompts

- fandoms: HP; MCU; Outer Banks; Stranger Things; The Vampire Diaries; The Originals; Teen Wolf; Descendants; criminal minds; 911; 911: lone star; shadow and bone; shameless; shadowhunters

- there's no deadline, however the final date for entry is october 28th :)

- you can mix prompts (ex. choose one from angst, one from fluff etc.)

- no nsfw fics please!

- you have to tell me the prompts + character for which you want to do this via asks

- you must tag me @/natashxromanovf and use the tag #tajas1kfollowerswritingchallenge so we can make sure i see it!

- tag the warnings approprietly, and most importantly, have fun while doing it. don't force it if you don't feel like writing, i don't care if you post the fic in two years or if you don't post at all. my intention is for people to have fun <33

۞ fluff

1. “I didn’t get soaked wet through walking to your apartment for you to say no to pizza. I have beer too. I know you’re sad, so let me in.”

2. “I refuse to stop irritating you until you give me attention.”

3. “You’re like... everything good that has ever happened rolled into one adorable package.”

4. “You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this.”

5. “Well, I am pretty irresistible.”

6. “Oh, you’ve started started stealing my socks now?”

7. “Do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are?”

8. “Everything alright?” “I just missed you.”

9. “You getting so flustered is one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen.”

10. “I would like my good morning kiss now.”

11. “I love to hear your voice, even if you’re so far away.”

12. “There is no better way to start the day than seeing your face.”

13. “How come you always end up under my blanket?”

14. “Believe me, I will never be tired of you.”

15. "So, who..." "Not going to talk about that."

۞ angst

1. "I told you not to fall in love with me.”

2. “I will leave now, or I’m going to say things I will regret later.”

3. “This is not how family is supposed to feel like.”

4. "I didn't want it to come out like that. That's why I wanted to leave." "Without ever telling me?"

5. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” “It’s ok. We’ll figure it out - together.”

6. "I love you, okay?! And I can't stay in your life when I'm just ruining it." "You can't just say that and don't wait for me to answer."

7. “You’re going to be okay. Just keep breathing. Please.”

8. “You’re supossed to be mad at me! Why aren’t you yelling at me?”

9. “If you don’t hug me right now I think I might fall apart.”

10. “I don’t hold people close. It makes it easier for them to hurt you.”

11. “I had a nightmare. Can I stay with you?”

12. “Nobody has seen you in days.”

13. “Are you hurt?” “No.” “Then why are there bruises all over your face?”

14. “We found you crying. What happened?”

15. "How could you do this to me?" "You're so naive, it's almost adorable."

۞ misc + situation prompts

1. Person A gets a phone call from Person B around midnight, in which Person B is clearly panicked.

2. “What do you mean they’re my new partner? They tried to kill me last week!” “Sounds like your problem.”

3. “Did you just slap my ass?” “Actually, I firmly grasped it.” “Did you just quote Spongebob?”

4. Person A hasn’t been sleeping due to work, and they of course get sick. Despite person B’s wishes, person A continues to sneak out of bed and stay up late to get more work done, and person B is not happy.

5. “Didn’t you two used to hate each other?” “Yeah, but now we hold hands and shit!”

6. “Walk it off!” “I literally can’t walk.”

7. “Hold on... you’re bilingual?” “Yes?”

8. “I’m too sober for this.” “You don’t even drink.” “Maybe I should start.”

9. “Can I pet your dog?” “Do I know you?”

10. "You owe me." "I owe you $20 not a day of pretending to be your boy/girl-friend to get your parents off you're back."

11. Seeing videos of yourself and not recognizing the person you see, is a horrible feeling.

12. “How much money would you give me to flip this table, right here, right now, in the middle of class?”

13. “You said to be honest stop hitting me!!”

14. “Ew, that is so sappy, I might vomit.”

15. Seeing their lover getting hurt ignited a fire full of rage inside of them that nothing could’ve held them back.

uff, that was a long post. anyway, thank you again for all the support, i couldn't have made it without you. all prompts belong to @creativepromptsforwriting so make sure to check her blog out!

and now, for the end, i'm tagging some people who might be interested in this and/or would be so kind to boost :) i love you all, remember that <33

@pregnant-piggy @mirclealignr @velvetcloxds @cxoffeeaddict @arkofblake @jackys-stuff-blog @leossmoonn @sarahisslytherin @milkiane @cupids-crystals @sheraayasher @f4irydaydreams @fairydxll @griffxnnage @henqtic @kimoralov3 @serpentargo @melin-oe @of-apollo @annab-nana @sabstfu @rorybutnotgilmore @shadesofvelma @awritingtree @imabee-oralizard @mendesxruel @messers-moony @dunbarsjersey @spring-picnics @robinbuckleyluvr @just-a-smol-spoon @peggycartervariantbetty

#tajas1kfollowerswritingchallenge #taja talks #thank you!!!#harry potter #marvel #outer banks #stranger things #the vampire diaries #the originals #teen wolf #descendants #criminal minds #911 #911: lone star #shadow and bone #shameless #shadowhunters #mcu

77 notes · View notes

emptifylie · 5 months

Text

i have no one to talk to about real shit so im posting it on tumblr. i have so many fucking friends and people around me who tell me that i could tell them anything, but i know if anyone knew the truth they wouldn't be able to look at me the same anymore. i binged yesterday, ate about 500 calories. i ate today too. i dont know whats wrong with me. i gained weight again, 124lbs. god i make myself fucking sick. today all i could think about was death. im not sad, im numb, and when im not numb its rage or deep depression that im feeling. i fell asleep in the locker room of my gym today. i finished my workout and i sat down for a minute and i woke up to a phone call from my mom asking me where i was. i slept for less than 5 minutes but it just, god, it felt like i died or something. i noticed the scar my ex gave me on my arm and it got me to finally remembering what actually happened and its fucking terrifying how i could still want him back so fucking badly. im sick. its not love that i still have for him, its just this fucking heart sinking feeling i have when i think about him, hangout with him, see him, i just want him to tell me he loves me again. he ruined my life and i want him back. he got me fucking addicted to drugs, fuck the scars, he literally RUINED my life. im a drug addict now, because of HIM. im so pathetic for still caring so much about him. im just pathetic period. tomorrow im skipping my first 3 classes to go to the gym. i cant be seen with all this extra fat on me. i might just skip school all together. fuck, i told myself i was going to start caring about my life again. im just so tired. nothing feels the same anymore. i cant bring myself to feel excitement or happiness about anything anymore. even when i lose weight i still find a way to turn it into something else to be upset over. the biggest problem though, out of everything, is that i actually think that my only option is to die. because where the fuck am i going with my life???????? im a drug addict who doesnt eat most days out of the week/all days out of the week. ive been depressed for the majority of my life. i still want my ex and its been almost a year and i still haven't gotten over him, fuck i still hangout with him like everyday after EVERYTHING he's done to me. i am complacent with living like this. im complacent to my messy room that smells like weed, vomit, cigs and rotting food 24/7. im complacent to failing school, i dont even try anymore to do better. i still binge even though i know it'll undo a weeks worth of fasting that was absolute torture to go through and made me a nuisance to everyone. im just okay with living like this. thats what makes it so hard to want to be alive. i feel like im living in a movie where the ending is me giving up on ever getting better and dying. i knew when i was little that i was gonna do drugs. i remember that very clearly, stealing vodka at age 7 just to be like my teenage brother and his friends who just seemed so cool to me. i knew when i was little that i was going to make myself skinny one day. i remember once on opposite day in 1st grade my mom got me an outfit to wear and i told her i looked too fat to wear it and went to school in normal clothes. why have i always hated myself this much? why does it feel like my whole life is leading up to my inevitable destruction? i wish i was more like the "depressed" girls on tiktok lol. i saw this girl who made a post with the "i miss the rage" audio talking about getting high every weekend. like god, FUCKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. imagine thinking getting high every WEEKEND is so bad that you have to make a post about it. not actually mad at her tho its still bad, its no competition, im just talking about how it made me feel. it just makes my problems feel so much fucking worse. i did the math and i have been just cali sober a total of 12 days this year. 354 days out of the year i have been on drugs. my problems arent normal for that of my age.

like i saw this other post too, that dumbass audio from skins, "i didnt eat for 3 days so i could feel lovely" again, its not a competition but ive gone weeks without eating and ive never met someone who can relate to that. obviously i know there are people out there with worse problems than that but im just fucking saying that it makes me feel like a fucking freak. like if those are the worst problems out there that are worth being talked about, how bad am i??? i feel like i reached the limit years ago, the limit of how fucked up you could be without being weird and now that ive gone past it i just feel like a lost cause. i havent felt like a person in years.

i want to be a human being again. i want to be a normal teenage girl.

5 notes · View notes

teacuptoast · 11 months

Text

The Exorcist - Prologe

Jjk x Fem!oc

Wc: 1,007

Warning: Spelling, idk I haven't done this in a while.

Summary: Aurora Klinesmith is an anomaly in the world of Jujutsu. Unfortunately, that leaves her forced to protect a society she never wanted to be a part of.

A/N: A new story I've been working on. If you like unhinged villain arcs, making fun of Gojo, and strong OCs then this story is for you. This is a little bit of a taster so if you want to see more then let me know in the comments.

I’ve always loved April. The heat of spring creeps up on the eastern hemisphere. When the numbing cold is traded for damp weather and where every day is a risk walking without an umbrella. Maybe it’s the foreigner in me, but umbrellas just seem like a bit more of a hassle than they're worth.

Walking up the damp cobblestone steps, I neared the familiar building. The architecture is recognizable, just like the situation I’m about to walk into. The pillars of the building stand tall, with large pieces of stone holding up the roof. Unbreakable, unavoidable, and unforgiving.

I briefly stop before the structure, my eyes catching the runoff from the roof. It was pouring. Much like the past 12 years, I tried not to let them intimidate me. The rain continues to soak into my hair, though not through my jacket. The red gift was warm but also a reminder to stay out of the rain.

A chill gust of wind surrendered my last hope for revolution. With a sigh, I step out of the weather and into the claws of the building.

Inside, it was a boring, traditional building that seemed rather bland to me. I took off my muddy shoes and traded them for house slippers. When a sorcerer tries to take my jacket, I pull away in disagreement. I try to relish in the last of its warmth as I pull the fabric closer to me. It might have been rude to walk into the room damp and dripping with rainwater, but I saw it as a small act of disobedience. A stride I hope went unnoticed

Dragging the now heavy coat on my shoulders, I walked down the long wooden halls. I tried to think through what the conversation might be while I slowly walked towards the door. Maybe it will just be a mission, or maybe just to evaluate a sorcerer?

I shook my head, full of wishful thinking. Stopping, I pulled my hands towards the sliding door and prayed to anyone. If the universe were trying to ask for forgiveness, right now I’d accept it in a heartbeat.

But when was I ever that lucky?

"You’ve soaked Aurora. Where is your umbrella?"

Gulping, I closed the door as quickly as I had opened it. My eyes looked over the room, finding a table that never seemed to move. Occupying its chaires were the heads of the very world I never wanted to live in. A nameless city.

There were 4 table eyes all looking up to meet me. On the left side closest to me there was the drunk. A man not sober enough to see the talent in his own niece. A man not lively enough to acknowledge me. Behind him was my principal. Despite his best efforts, he could only house his own children. A nice person who was cursed by his own discoveries. To my right was- he doesn't deserve my time. Behind the piece of scum was an empty chair. A place for someone who I haven’t seen in years.

I could dispose of them all in an instant. It took more energy to hold my technique back than to release it. So do it Roary, what’s stopping you?

At the head of the table stood the broker of my abilities. Yoshinobu Gakuganji.

"You’ll ruin the floors," he scoffed. With steady drips falling from my jacket, I look down at the puddles forming around my feet. The failure was small, but disappointing nonetheless.

I bought my head back up from the floor. Deciding to look towards the wall instead seemed like the best idea to avoid any problems. "I’ll be gone soon enough. Let’s just get this over with."

"Straight to the point. That’s always been my favorite part about you," Shuffling the papers in his hand his gaze burned into the side of my face, "100 days to exercise every grade 3 or higher curse in both Europe and The Americas. Dismissed."

My body was already moving towards the door. Why are you mad? You expected this right, you always spend half the year abroad. My hand grabbed at the door, desperate to make my visit as brief as possible. Though I played the same request in my head. It was the same every year-

Stopping before that blindfolded bastard could usher me out, I turned to face the head of the table. "Wait 100 days?"

"I did not misspeak."

I tried not to look shocked, at least I tried. "That’s 3 continents in 100 days. I can barely cover the US alone in 2 months. This is impossible to do in such a short assignment time." At least I didn’t cuss them out… right?

Though Principle Yaga gave the old man a knowing look, he didn’t seem to care all that much. "You’re 18 now, stop acting like a child. To waste a technique like yours would be a disservice to the world," I let out a silent laugh, You never let me be a child. "I expect you back in the country for the Exchange event. Dismissed."

Like a red fog had infested my brain, I slowly grabbed the door.

"Oh and please get me some of those American sweets you talk so much about-" I shut the door before that child could finish. My feet dragged me through the halls, to my shoes, and back outside.

I tried to be angry, I really did, but the more I tried to foster some kind of ill will the more guilt pressed down on me. Because I had caused this, I had brought this down on myself. I chose this but I didn’t want to live like this anymore. It was an act of survival, I was surviving like an animal, like a dog chained to the wall. I didn’t even deserve that much. I was a Mutt.

Worst of all, when I looked outside there was no more pitter patter. Gone were the clouds replaced by blinding heat. It dried out the grass, the trees, and the stone. Once again the rain was stolen by the sun.

A/N: So you made it to the end! Like a said this is just a taster to see if there is any interest in the concept. So If you are even the slightest bit interested, let me know in the comments.

#jjk headcanons #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen

5 notes · View notes