#3 things avoid mistakes
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garvalhaminho · 8 months ago
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again procrastinating going to sleep so here are tmi characters as different musical notes (as a pianist):
isabelle - Fa (she gives me Fa vibes idk what to say)
clary - Do (the most basic answer; everyone knows her)
simon - Re (next to Do; close to Fa but always apart)
alec - Mi (also purely based on vibes, but also next to Fa :))) and while the F chord is commonly used, E, on the other hand, is ignored)
magnus - So ("Sol" in portuguese, meaning sun)
jace - La (cocky vibes)
sebastian - Ti flat (annoying but constantly appearing; a La sharp in another perspective)
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rui--kamishiro · 2 months ago
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– @flame-loving-kamishiro
Rui...? Are you in your room...?
Unfortunately, the doctors think I should stay overnight 💔
I should be back home in the morning !
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blackmageeljin · 1 month ago
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There is a really painful self defeating irony in people who gatekeep goth/punk/emo subcultures.
All of these subcultures are pretty broad and fluid and were formed so outcasts can band together, but if there is ONE "rule" if it can even be called such it is to stand against and question authority.
And then you have some someone come in claiming to be an authority on the subject of a group of rebels and starts policing who is allowed in this collective under the impression it's a secret club and not reclaimed words we have adopted that were once used to belittle and suppress us-
My actual sibling in Christ, Lucifer or whatever Gods you do or do not follow HOW have you SO THOROUGHLY missed the point.
You have become the authority you were supposed to rebel against.
#“real” goth/punk/insert subculture here dont gatekeep. support your outcested siblings dont out them down#can we just not apply 'its a spectrum' to things that arent gay or mental illness????#and make no mistake i want these people to realize they are not helping#but i am never going to tell them theyre kicked out of the Secret Club for fucking up and being confused because that is not how we do shit#like also this is a 'i am still wearing these beat up jeans bc im poor and im owning it' ;#i could write an essay on how subcultures and how their fashion was a direct result of ecenomic states of specific decades#people think emo and grunge have both just existed forever and exist in a vacuum and i am????#telling people they have to make all their clothes themselves or theyre a poser is acrually abelist and missing the point#the point is we used ro be made fun of for not having the money to make the right clothes#now your excluding your siblings for not having the time to make it from scratch#homie grunge was the result of 'what was possible for poor people'#and right now it is a lot less affordible and accessible to distress your own jeans than to biy pre distressed plastic that looks like jeans#DO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE JEANS ARE???????#like also this is a 'i am wearing beat up stuff and owning it' vs#'inliterally cannot addord to reduce the lifespan of this garment by distressing it'#homie my 2 dollar baby blue shirt made with slave labor i bought on clearence is more 'grunge' by your standards than#the 20 dollar flannel you boyght ar goodwill that is being sold for more than 3 times what it was originally bought for#because no one WANTS to support megacorps but the system were fighting doesnt give us an option.#im not jesus if i have to chose between ethically sourced things (nevermind the reasearch to prove that claim isnt a lie)#and EATING THAT DAY GEUSS THE FUCK WHAT BUTTER CUP IM BYING THE RICE AND THE BLOOD POLYESTER#not buying a shirt isnt an option bc then u get fired from your job and have even less money ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯#this is just turning into a other povert awareness rant because most of these groups had fundamental origins in poverty#and people are twisting that history to suit their needs#'uhm AcHkTuAlLy you can just do this alternative to avoid supporting-' eat a dick no i cant#like ask yourself 'would i vibe check a homeless person for doing this?' because one of the problems is like#people assume if you have housing in any capacity you are somehow... actually fine and just mismanaging money???#eljin talks#........i hit the tag limit#i deleted tsgs so i could tag actual subcultures but jk im a fucking coward#sigh you win this time anxiety
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screambirdscreaming · 1 year ago
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At the bus stop one time there was a gaggle of preschoolers waiting to catch the bus for a field trip day, and someone walked past with a couple of friendly little dogs, to great general delight.
But after a little bit, the dogs were getting overwhelmed, and the preschoolers were gently coaxed to back off so the person with the dogs could continue on. Specifically, one of the preschool teachers said, "Sometimes, when you're small, being surrounded by big people can be a bit scary and overwhelming. Even if they are friendly."
This was recieved as great wisdom: after all, the preschoolers were also small, and understood how scary and overwhelming big people could be! And the dogs were indeed even smaller than the preschoolers, so it made sense.
What was funny and charming was that, upon absorbing and reflecting on this wisdom, they all felt the need to tell it to one another. In tones of great insight, they turned to one another and said, "Did you know? Sometimes when you are small, being surrounded by big people can be scary and overwhelming! Even if they are friendly!" Back and forth, without any particular concern that they were all saying the same thing. Have reached comprehension of an insight, it must be shared!
I must say that this behavior is less charming in tumblr users than in preschoolers. Not least because tumblr users, having gained a little analytical skill to misuse, insist on Summarizing and Generalizing and Unifying the insights they repeat, quickly turning any interesting new information into formulaic dogmatic mush.
#i made the mistake of looking in the notes of the beach sand post i reblogged to see if anyone else had interesting comments#And the rate at which it went from like#1) person states with moderate confidence an opinion based on their personal observations#2) multiple people reply with “wow thats so insightful!” (aka it aligns with my preconceived notions of how things work)#3) someone else adds additional personal observations which are not really relevant but which can be absorbed into the narrative#4) people start outright stating the underlying belief on which this bias is constructed as if it were a fresh insight#5) general derisive attitude towards people who haven't seen the Obviously Correct solution to this complex real world problem yet#It's very.......#It's not like it's a high stakes post but it's such a microcosm of the whole dogmatic phenomenon#Also this js a more specific gripe to My Field or w/e#But the degree to which people react to the problems caused by the whole “Control of Nature” era of engineering#with this equally reductive “Nature will Fix Everything” type of attitude#Is sooooo frustrating.#Yes a great many of our current problems could have been avoided if we had not made massive changes to ecosystem processes on the assumptio#That they were simple and we understood them. And that they would respond in predictable ways.#the simplicity in retrospect of “wow we Should Not have done that” does not mean that they are simple to undo!#You can't go back in time. You can't turn back the clock on chaotic processes#Which is. Almost every process ever.#Restoration is hard! Returning to previous regimes of sediment or flooding or fire is tricky and full of foibles!#Moving towards a future which doesn't suck as much even if the past cant be recreated is also uncertain and difficult!#It's frustrating to see people act all high and mighty about how they Respect Nature unlike whoever is making all these decisions#When their understanding of the natural processes in question is AS simplistic as the people who caused the whole mess back in 1910 or w/e#Like I'm not saying there's not bad interests standing in the way of functional restoration on all levels#That's very much a fight to be fought.#But looking at that fight-in-process and saying “wow none of you Respect Nature like me uwu let nature fix it”#Is.#Ugh.
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rigelmejo · 3 months ago
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It is my sincere belief that all it takes to learn a language is:
Enough study time. This means studying a roughly similar amount of time to other people who have accomplished the goals you are aiming for. So compare your progress to someone studying a similar number of hours daily/on average, if you must compare at all. How many days or years did it take THEM to reach their goal? Expect it will take similar or longer for you. Study more hours daily if you want to see faster progress in terms of days or years. It is going to take hundreds or thousands of hours to reach many goals, so be realistic with yourself. You are not a failure because you aren't fluent after 50 hours! You're not a failure because you can't work in the language after 300 hours!
Studying some new stuff regularly that you have a way to understand - this either means using a textbook or tutor that explains the meaning of new stuff, or looking up translations like using a parallel text or a translation app, or looking up grammar items you don't know and reading explanations, or using flashcards that include translations or definitions, or using comprehensible input that is stuff you understand enough to GUESS some unknown new stuff, or using lesson materials made to be extremely understandable with the help of visuals (like comprehensible input lessons) or with the help of cognates (some graded readers, some textbooks). Studying some new stuff regularly just means you are learning new things, seeing what the new things mean, and over time increasing what you know. Regular can mean whatever you want it to mean, depends on you.
Reviewing the things you have studied by practicing listening, reading, writing, and speaking. At some point you will need to review words you learned by trying to read them, by practicing improving the skill of reading. By listening. By talking using the words. By writing using the words. You decide when you want to review and practice, and how, and it will probably be determined by your goals which practice you do first or more. Any engaging with the language will be practice, in a way, so even if all you do is talk to people or read novels or listen to podcasts, those all review the grammar and words (the stuff) you learned before. Those are all practice of getting used to recognizing and understanding the stuff you learned quicker, in context of the actual situations you'll need to understand and use that stuff. Immersing is 'practicing what you learned.' Reading is, listening is. Talking to people about topics that include what you've learned in the past is. Writing about topics that include what you've learned is.
(Of course this is all my opinion, and what works for me - or how I word it - may not work for others or be understandable to others. The short of it is - look at what other people with your goals did, and follow their example, if you're lost at what to do next. You will eventually succeed.)
Pretty much ANY study activities you can think of, any full on study plans you make up or you consider adopting, will have these. You'll do these. Textbooks and classes, Dreaming Spanish, FSI, podcasts for learners, graded readers, ALG classes, refold, anki decks, etc. Those all introduce NEW stuff for you to learn and understand in the context it's introduced (with translation or visuals etc), and you must keep moving along through those resources or new ones to pick new stuff to study regularly (and not get stuck in a loop reviewing the same 300 words for 2 years like I did), and you must practice the actual skills of reading/listening/writing/speaking (whatever your goals require) where you review the STUFF you've learned by needing to understand it while listening to or reading something in the language, or by talking with someone in the language, or by writing in the language.
And you have to be realistic with yourself in terms of time required to reach your goals. If your goal is just to travel somewhere and say some 'how much does X cost? Thank you. Hi I'm X. Where is the bathroom?' lines then yes that could be memorized in several hours. You can find examples of people who've memorized that kind of stuff in several hours or less. If your goal is 'read a novel' or 'watch X show' or 'talk with people about my hobbies' or 'go to college in the language' or 'work in a company in the language' you need to be realistic. Look up how long it has taken other people to accomplish those goals. Look up how long it's taken them to reach whatever language level a standardized test has said is needed to do X goal tasks for you (like JLPT to work in Japan, or CEFR to go to university in Europe, or HSK to work in China, or FSI levels, etc).
See how many hours those standardized tests recommend, and how many hours learners who have passed those tests are saying they studied, and for a rough estimate assume you'll take at least as long as they did. If you have particular goals in mind, it might be more useful for you to compare to actual people who reached your goals and the hours they said they studied. I just suggest looking up standardized test study hour suggestions, because many people do mention online which standardized test level they passed and what they did/how many hours they studied to pass. So the information on what they did may be easier to find, and easier to find several people sharing how long it took them.
And yeah you may take longer than them, especially if they planned out what they did very focused and you kind of floundered with trying to figure out what to do for a while, or they've studied languages before and already knew what worked best for them, or any number of things. You might take less time. If you need a rough idea of how long it will take though, look up how long it took other people. Because if you have in your mind this expectation you will be C1/advanced after 200 hours of study, or that you'll be able to speak confidently with no mistakes after 100 hours, etc, you're going to feel disappointed if later you find out your expectation wasn't anywhere close to realistic.
Chances are you are not doing anything in particular wrong if you've been studying and getting nowhere. There's nothing wrong with you.
Look at if you: are studying enough time to see noticeable progress in the amount of days or months or years you were hoping to see progress (so if you're studying 5 minutes a day, bump that up to 1+ hour a day and see if progress becomes more noticeable), if you are studying new stuff regularly (if you've been re-reading Heisig's Remember the Kanji for 2 years it might be time to study something new, and keep studying some new stuff regularly), and see if you're practicing understanding what you've learned (perhaps you've grinded an entire anki deck, but you never actually practiced reading any of those words or listening to them, so maybe start reading a graded reader or learner podcast, or reading regular books or watching shows, or talking with a tutor who'll use the words you learned in conversations).
If you're doing all those things, perhaps the problem is you just don't like the study activities or study materials! I hate anki personally, I'm just bad at focusing on it, so when it's in my study plan I study very rarely (lowering my study time) so I stop making progress. I needed to switch to something I liked better (like reading and looking words up) to get myself to study more regularly and focus on what I was studying (so I could remember what I was studying). If you're doing Dreaming Spanish and frustrated and bored, maybe you would prefer a textbook or teacher that explicitly explained stuff to you! Maybe that would motivate you to study more, and to remember more of what you studied! If you hate reading, and really enjoy talking to people, getting a tutor you talk with regularly who gives you new words to study in a list and practice in conversations might suit you much better!
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1tsjusty0u · 1 year ago
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actually while im at it. flowey undertale. im getting his stupid fanclub pin because unfortunately i am a fan
#hes literally just an 8 year old trying to be. not cool but Smart and Dark#like on one hand he knows more about the game due to resetting and hes also soulless which on one hand sort of mirrors players and rheir bo#redom but also it could range from depression to apathy though thats my hc#so he thinks hes smarter than everyone else#and also that 8 year old has. so much baggage#his alarm clock dialogue.#mistaking the player for chara#you know the drill#plus his personality#while im glad undertale had the ending it did#i feel like asriel ppprobably couldve been handled better </3#but thats in the past!!! yeag#ALSO alsoalso flowey parallels to ralsei i think its super neat#i do wonder if more parallels will show up. like flowey getting bored of a game he plays a million times vs ralsei which he doesnt seem to#be bored? he does know the game far better than kris susie or even the player do#so i wonder if thatll come up? floweys boredom vs ralseis unboredom. keeping them in a world thatll forever loop if the player doesnt let g#o#seeing the same thinf a bunch of times and getting sick of it vs hearing the same thing over and over and loving it#please not theres not any basis for this ralsei doesnt seem to really… fit into that#its more of escapism and him taking it to the farthest he can (avoiding negative thoughts even when they need to be confronted. ignoring th#e elephant in the room) which is how he mightve had to cope? or maybe its just because of the whole game aspects#also ralsei doesnt see other darkners as as important as the lightners/kris/mmmaybe us?????????? we dont know if he knows#like how flowey puts most other monsters beneath him except for chara/by proxy frisk and us#ralsei doesnt see himself as above the darkners but he sees susie and kris above them. i think its the same for flowey#though. flowey is debatable i think he might put himself above others considering genocide#yeah!!!!!!! i love gaymes
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luna-azzurra · 2 months ago
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Unhealed Wounds Your Character Pretends Are Just “Personality Traits”
These are the things your character claims are just “how they are” but really, they’re bleeding all over everyone and calling it a vibe.
╰ They say they're "independent." Translation: They don’t trust anyone to stay. They learned early that needing people = disappointment. So now they call it “being self-sufficient” like it’s some shiny badge of honor. (Mostly to cover up how lonely they are.)
╰ They say they're "laid-back." Translation: They stopped believing their wants mattered. They'll eat anywhere. Do anything. Agree with everyone. Not because they're chill, but because the fight got beaten out of them a long time ago.
╰ They say they're "a perfectionist." Translation: They believe mistakes make them unlovable. Every typo. Every bad hair day. Every misstep feels like proof that they’re worthless. So they polish and polish and polish... until there’s nothing real left.
╰ They say they're "private." Translation: They’re terrified of being judged—or worse, pitied. Walls on walls on walls. They joke about being “mysterious” while desperately hoping no one gets close enough to see the mess behind the curtain.
╰ They say they're "ambitious." Translation: They think achieving enough will finally make the emptiness go away. If they can just get the promotion, the award, the validation—then maybe they’ll finally outrun the feeling that they’re fundamentally broken. (It never works.)
╰ They say they're "good at moving on." Translation: They’re world-class at repression. They’ll cut people out. Bury heartbreak. Pretend it never happened. And then wonder why they wake up at 3 a.m. feeling like they're suffocating.
╰ They say they're "logical." Translation: They’re terrified of their own feelings. Emotions? Messy. Dangerous. Uncontrollable. So they intellectualize everything to avoid feeling anything real. They call it rationality. (It's fear.)
╰ They say they're "loyal to a fault." Translation: They mistake abandonment for loyalty. They stay too long. Forgive too much. Invest in people who treat them like an afterthought, because they think walking away makes them "just as bad."
╰ They say they're "resilient." Translation: They don't know how to ask for help without feeling like a burden. They wear every bruise like a trophy. They survive things they should never have had to survive. And they call it strength. (But really? It's exhaustion wearing a cape.)
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autism-corner · 2 months ago
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oTL
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choccorin · 7 months ago
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this year will either end with me killing myself or me being okay again
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painsandconfusion · 2 months ago
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Writers, here’s your reminder that you should be doing warm-ups!
Athletes need to warm up. Musicians need to warm up. Artists need to warm up. Heck, I even have to play a few matches in video games before I get into a groove every day.
Warm-ups help you get into the right headspace, give you more control of your actions and word choice, get you comfortable in your physical setting (eg: with your keyboard, notebook, tablet, or whatever you're writing with), and spark creativity.
Even if you don’t think you have spoons to write, sit down and do a couple warm-ups. If you still don’t want to, that’s alright. But. I think you’ll be surprised how often they help break that ice.
5-15 minutes is all you need. I personally set a timer for ten minutes each time and do not stop writing until the time is up. Your warm-up can be anything at all so long as it gets you writing and starts nudging those creative juices.
Here's some common warm-ups:
Journaling. Just jot down some notes about your day. Feel free to really lean into something that you noticed. We're going for description and details -- try to avoid settling into a spiral or focusing on something negative that will upset your creativity.
Short story prompts. Type that into Pinterest and pick the most ridiculous, cliche thing you can. Write a little scene, story summary, or even a rant about why you do or don't like the prompt. Just write.
Vocab challenge. If you like a bit more critical thinking to get you in the zone, have a random vocabulary word generator spit out five or so words. Check their meanings and jot down a little story or thought that includes all five. You get more familiar with beautiful and descriptive language, and it gives you a much narrowed prompt (which is lovely if you're like me and suffer each time there's an open-ended task assigned).
Character moments. Try putting your character into a generic setting and write down almost meticulously what their thought process would be. Follow them realizing they've just stepped in mud or dreading the start of the day. Pick a mundane thing and describe them working through it. This will not only get your writing going, but it will wake up the character's voice in your head.
Ongoing storytelling. Did you know that Whinnie the Poo was A.A. Milne's warm up story? He would jot down a quick little story with those very basic characters and did so every day. Whatever came to mind. He kept writing little tidbits on the same characters and eventually it turned into a series. Having that ongoing plot with isolated scenes and simple characters can help you feel more motivated to sit down and write.
Get-to-know-you-questions. Google a list of basic first-date questions (there are a million out there) and answer one yourself. Go into specifics. Where do you most want to travel and why? Let yourself ramble until the question is fully answered.
Writer's block blues. This is a favorite of mine. If you're truly stuck, write about being stuck. Eg: 'I'm supposed to write for ten minutse, but that feels so stupid and impossible. No one is goign to read this anyway. I have no ideas and the page is so overwhelming when its blank. I used to be able to write on and on and nothing could stop me. it was like breathing. but now I have nothign and do nothing and I can't even do a stupid prompt-' Even the rambling and ranting got me writing. It made things easier. It made writing this post easier. Also -- notice the typos? Yeah, don't fix those. You're in writing mode, not editing mode when you're doing this. If you edit while you write, you're forcing yourself to stay in your executive and calculating headspace rather than falling fully into creativity and dream. Ignore the mistakes. That's for future you to handle.
I've officially rambled far too much, but I hope that helps even a little bit. Live well and write often, my friends. Best of luck to you <3
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requinoesis · 3 days ago
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After noticing patterns over the years, I created this list with 13 points to score the level of stereotypes about sharks present in a work. I believe that most of these stereotypes have their main origin in the film Jaws (1975).
With the scarcity of works that explore other creative approaches to sharks, beyond the “man-eating ” narrative, Jaws ended up consolidating itself as the greatest source of inspiration and creative reference for many productions to this day. This was called ��The Jaws Effect”. 🩸🦈
I've noticed that certain patterns in the creative world repeat themselves to the point of being tedious, which bothers me. Not because they're bad, but because in many cases they're harmful. With these points, I hope to show sharks in a new light.
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🩸1 - Great White Shark Popularized by the Jaws movie, the Great white shark has become the dominant archetype in the representation of sharks in fiction. Often, works choose to use this shark or a generic gray version of imprecise anatomy, with no defined species. However, there are over 400 species of shark, and very few are explored creatively.
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🩸2 - Man-eater The persistent idea that sharks have humans as a natural part of their diet is one of the most widespread stereotypes. Although there are reports of incidents, most attacks are isolated and often by mistake. Any animal, including humans, could turn to unexpected sources of food in a situation of desperation or starvation.
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🩸3 - Forced Behavior It's common to see sharks portrayed with distorted or exaggerated behaviors that don't match their nature just to cause tension, such as:
Hunting small fish, ignoring the fact that sharks avoid expending energy on low-energy prey.
Abandoning easy prey just to arbitrarily chase the protagonist.
Going crazy at the smell of blood.
Showing a wild and constant hunger.
Obsessively pursuing a single prey.
Making aggressive shark species known for being peaceful or timid.
Attacking and destroying objects, structures or vessels with disproportionate fury just to reach someone.
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🩸4 - Monstrous appearance It's common to see sharks' appearance exaggerated to intensify visual fear, making them look like monsters rather than real animals:
A gaping mouth, with huge, crooked teeth that are constantly stained with blood.
Menacing, demonic red, black empty and soulless eyes.
Body covered in grotesque scars, exposed wounds and even weapons embedded in the skin.
A disproportionate figure, with pointed shapes, a swollen or deformed body.
Bizarre mutations that completely alter their anatomy.
Technological modifications to make them more weapon-like, emphasizing the idea of the "Killing Machine".
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🩸5 - Shark de-characterization Especially in children's works, in order to be accepted by the public or the other characters in the plot, the shark is often forced to change its identity. It is transformed into a “domesticated” version, such as:
Becoming a vegetarian or a toothless shark, losing its ecological role as a predator.
Taking on exaggeratedly “funny” behavior, becoming a caricature.
Having its behavior and appearance altered to look more like a dolphin or other friendly shape, excluding striking features such as prominent fins, visible gills or a fusiform snout.
Choose to portray a specific species of shark because it seems more “friendly” to the public, such as the whale shark.
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🩸6 - Limited Nature The representation of sharks in fiction is usually limited to sensationalist aspects, such as the power of their bite, the old phrase that they "smell a drop of blood in 2 million liters of water", or things like "killers from the womb".
However, sharks have some very interesting characteristics that are little explored creatively:
Acute hearing, capable of picking up sounds more than a kilometer away in the ocean.
Their electroreception, which allows them to perceive tiny electrical impulses emitted by living prey and even sense the electromagnetic field around them.
Possible link between their migrations and the lunar phases.
Incredible healing capacity and immune resistance.
Skin made up of denticles made of the same material as our teeth.
They constantly change their teeth.
Longevity and they never stop growing.
Many fish such as rémoras and pilot fish depend on and live alongside sharks.
Sensitive to pressure changes and can even predict hurricanes and tropical storms.
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🩸7 - Red Presence Striking presence of red, either with the presence of blood or the color present in the design. This emphasis on red reinforces the shark's direct association with violence, danger and death, contributing to the construction of the “bloodthirsty monster” stereotype.
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🩸8 - Dark Music It is common for sharks to be associated with tense, dark and threatening soundtracks whenever they appear on the scene. More often than not, I notice that when sharks are mentioned in song lyrics, it is to express some sort of comparison to some negative stereotype.
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🩸9 - Threatening setting Scenarios with sharks are almost always represented in a gloomy, dark, desaturated way, empty of marine life. The environment is treated as a dangerous place by nature, shipwrecks, dark caves, areas full of garbage, explosive mines or the inhospitable depths of the sea
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🩸10 - Masculinization The theme involving sharks has always been very masculine. Shark characters are rarely female, while the human characters who interact with these animals, scientists, hunters, divers or specialists, are almost always white men. Women and minorities almost never occupy central or specialized roles in these narratives.
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🩸11 - Villainization Sharks are often portrayed as villains by default, carrying negative and caricatured stereotypes, for example:
Gangster or mobster
Aggressor or school bully
Criminal or loan shark
Brutish idiot or dumb henchman
Corrupt politician or authoritarian fascist figure
Indomitable monster or irrational beast
Recurring enemy, obstacle or final boss in video games
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🩸12 - Objectification Sharks are often treated as mere resources or utilitarian objects in fiction. They are represented as trophies, rewards, collectibles or consumables, as if they existed only to be hunted, exhibited or eaten.
This objectification also appears in the constant presence of jaws decorating environments, teeth used as accessories, fins amputated as an ingredient, and in the display of the animal's body in a morbid way: corpses exposed, dead body hung and displayed as a trophy in harbor, parts dissected or being devoured by other creatures.
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🩸13 - Death As if it weren't enough to have become a symbol of death incarnate, even in animations aimed at children, sharks almost always have the same fate: death. What's worse, their death is usually celebrated as a relief or a victory.
Impaled, butchered, set on fire, crushed, blown up, fished out or killed by another "heroic" creature, tossed about by hurricanes… In many cases, these scenes are treated with humor or graphic exaggeration, turning the destruction of the shark into a spectacle.
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I was unsure about publishing this list as it is just personal observations from someone who loves sharks. A few people asked me for this list and said it would be worth posting, don't take it too seriously.
These stereotypes are not necessarily bad or invalid, after all, we are talking about works of fantasy and fiction. However, they could be resignified through new creative ideas that arouse feelings other than fear and terror.
Although many people's passion for sharks arose precisely from movies like Jaws and the stereotypes it popularized, it's important to remember that these same elements have been repeated almost unchanged for decades. This exhaustive repetition was largely because it was profitable, turning sharks into yet another victim of entertainment capitalism. Over time, this type of representation ended up distancing ordinary people from the reality of these animals, reinforcing fear rather than curiosity. Nowadays things are a little better, but not better enough.
The reality of sharks goes far beyond that. They are mysterious and fascinating animals, older than the first trees or dinosaurs. They have survived five mass extinctions, incredibly adapted from the abyssal depths to mangroves and freshwater rivers. They have unique senses and behaviors that are still shrouded in mystery, as well as a biology so singular that it inspires advances in science and technology. For many ancient cultures, sharks are revered as true gods of ocean balance.
I dare say that by looking after the health of the seas for millions of years, sharks made it possible for our own species to emerge from the depths of the primordial ocean. They are, in a way, guardians of our cradle of origin. And so we owe them a great deal of respect and preserve them at all costs.
To date, no creative work has managed to surpass “Jaws”. Who will be creative enough to create a new work and transform the collective imaginary of sharks from fear to fascination? 🦈✨
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girlwithrituals · 9 months ago
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101 ways to improve self esteem
1) Master a new skill.
2) List your accomplishments.
3) Do something creative.
4) Challenge your limiting beliefs.
5) Talk to a counselor.
6) Don't worry about what others think.
7) Read or watch something inspirational.
8) Stay true to your character.
9) Let go of negative people.
10) Set healthy boundaries with others.
11) Care about your appearance.
12) Welcome failure as part of growth.
13) Be a lifelong learner.
14) Face your fears.
15) Become a mentor.
16) Accept compliments.
17) Eliminate self-criticism.
18) Practice coping skills to manage stress and big emotions.
19) Notice negative thoughts and beliefs.
20) Challenge negative thinking.
21) Think about what you learned from negative experiences.
22) Practice gratitude.
23) Exercise.
24) Eat healthy and limit junk food.
25) Get good sleep.
26) Spend time with positive and supportive people.
27) Encourage yourself.
28) Write a list of your strengths.
29) Don't compare yourself to others.
30) Avoid perfectionism.
31) Do at least one positive, enjoyable activity every day.
32) Celebrate small victories.
33) Be helpful and considerate to others.
34) Be honest with yourself and others.
35) Accept your flaws.
36) Don't give up.
37) Practice self-care.
38) Go easy on yourself.
39) Practice being assertive.
40) Practice saying "No".
41) Practice relaxation techniques.
42) Take on challenges.
43) Volunteer to help others.
44) Forgive others and yourself.
45) Set goals and work toward them step by step.
46) Seek balance in all areas of your life.
47) Discover your passions and purpose
48) Groom yourself.
49) Dress nicely.
50) Be kind and generous to others.
51) Practice good posture.
52) Change a small habit.
53) Smile.
54) Don't procrastinate.
55) Don't take things personal.
56) Organize your personal space.
57) Challenge unkind thoughts about yourself.
58) Spend time outside.
59) Notice the good things.
60) Celebrate your successes
61) Write a list of things you like about yourself.
62) Don't take too much on.
63) Do something for yourself every day.
64) Develop daily habits.
65) Remind yourself it's okay if not everyone likes you.
66) Practice mindfulness.
67) Learn to tolerate discomfort.
68) Use problem-solving skills.
69) Take responsibility instead of blaming.
Tell Yourself Positive Affirmations Such As:
70) I am grateful for every day.
71) I am worthy of happiness and love.
72) I am in charge of my own happiness.
73) I love, respect, and believe in myself.
74) I deserve to be happy and successful.
75) I approve of myself, right here and now.
76) I am learning and changing for the better.
77) I accept 100% responsibility for my own life.
78) Every day in every way, I am getting better and better.
79) I can learn to accept the parts of myself that I don't like.
80) I am thankful for my challenges as they make me a stronger person.
81) Write down three positives about each day.
82) Make a collage with your talents, goals, and dreams.
83) Practice laughing.
84) Be proud of yourself.
85) Say mistakes are an opportunity to learn.
86) Show respect to yourself and others.
87) Resolve conflict peacefully.
88) Ask for help or support.
89) Complete a daily task list.
90) Have a growth mindset.
91) Be optimistic.
92) Treat yourself with kindness and compassion.
93) Focus on the things you have control over and can change.
94) Get started on tasks you have been putting off.
95) Practice good daily hygiene.
96) Focus on solutions not problems.
97) Talk about your feelings with someone you trust.
98) Drink plenty of water.
99) Start a new hobby or join a club/sport.
100) Do random acts of kindness.
101) Create a dreams list.
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lovelake · 3 months ago
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If words of reassurance alone can’t cure your boyfriend’s jealousy, maybe throwing in a makeout session can help.
solivan brugmansia x gn!reader | MDNI, 1.5k wc, kissing, jealousy, brief mention of him kissing reader while they're drugged so non-consensual touching, mentions of masturbation, he ends up cumming in his pants, let there be no typos
note: hi so i’m kind of obsessed with him </3 comments and reblogs are always appreciated! title is from the song ‘snakelike (the stars collide)’
masterlist read on ao3 requests open
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“You’ve been quieter than usual.”
No response. You knew your boyfriend wasn’t rowdy, but the walk to your house after leaving campus was always filled with enjoyable chit chats at the very least. Tugging on his sleeve, your feet came to a pause as you turned to him.
“Tell me what’s on your mind, please?”
God knew he couldn’t deny his sweetheart’s plea, not in a million years.
“Ichabod.” Okay, so there was some venom in his voice. Just a little. He had to hold back from not seething the name out like it was a slur.
You knew they didn’t exactly get along. Crowe was friendly towards everyone, but Sol seemed reluctant to be polite to him. Every time they were in the same space, you kinda wanted to die to avoid the awkwardness of the tension. 
“Crowe? What about him?”
“He obviously likes you.” And he knew you liked him back at one point, he’d been watching you for a long time. And though you've been a couple for three weeks now, the uncertainty of it all still hadn’t left.
He trusted you. Your best friend on the other hand…well, not so much. If only you knew how extreme his jealousy could be—you were lucky Crowe wasn’t six feet under already. It would only take one mistake for you to be attending a funeral. It’s fine, he’d be there to console you. Nonono, bad Sol, don’t even think about it. 
“What?! No he doesn’t!” Maybe you shouldn’t be raising your voice, he seemed upset enough as is. You sighed, muttering an apology before continuing. “We’ve been friends for years, I seriously don’t think he sees me like that. And even if he did…you’re my boyfriend. So he’d just have to deal with it, I guess.”
Oh. He liked that answer. Ichabod suffering emotionally because his dream lover was out of reach? It was a wet dream come true.
Taking a peek at him, you noticed the upturn of his lips. “That certainly made you cheer up.”
“You always make me happy, pumpkin. I just don’t like him.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t.”
“That’s not a good reason. He’s my friend and he’s important to me, so can you at least try to act civil around him? He always tries to talk to you and you just…glare at him.”
Now he was a little scared. Biting down on his lip, he mulled over your request. The last thing he wanted was for you to break up with him after he had finally won you over against all odds. “Fine, I’ll try.”
“Thank you,” you held onto his hand and gave it a squeeze, one that he returned as you both started walking again.
Three blocks and a flight of stairs later, the comfort of your apartment lured you both to the couch, backpacks discarded onto the floor without care. He sat right next to you, and you curled up against him, pulling your phone out your pocket.
“We always come to my house, I wanna see what yours looks like too.” 
“I like your house more but…sure, just let me know what day.” Yeah, so he had time to hide everything he’d stolen from you. 
Ding. 
His eyes flicked to the notification with a certain someone’s profile picture. His expression soured, and he looked away with a petulant huff. Clearly, he wasn’t over it. Not that he’d ever be, but you thought it was just a phase that would go away with some reassurance. How naive of you.
“Sol…”
He wasn’t budging, nose in the air as he waited for you to read the message. Or well, that’s what he was expecting anyway. 
“You’re so stubborn.” With a sigh, you toss your phone aside and instead move to straddle his lap to get his attention. 
His shoulders stiffened immediately, and a certain area under his pants sprung to life like clockwork. He gulped, the tips of his ears turning red. He loved being under you, but that usually only happened in his fantasies late at night when he stroked himself with your undergarments.
“What am I gonna do with you?” Cupping his face with one hand, you let your thumb glide over his bottom lip. “I can’t have you getting jealous every other minute.”
“I can’t help it.” He murmured, arms finally relaxing and wrapping around your waist to tug you closer. Having you close wasn’t anything new, he was clingy to the core. It always felt different when you initiated it, though. 
“I know…I just don’t want you feeling bad or insecure. I like you, I want to be with you.”
He grinned. “You promise?”
“Cross my heart and hope to die.” 
Godyou’resosweetandbeautifulandfuckIwantyoutofuckme. From 0 to 100. His mind was already running rampant. You were sitting on him so prettily, how did he get this lucky? His eyes were drawn to your lips, his stomach felt warm now. 
“Tell me I’m yours and that you’re mine.”
You really shouldn’t encourage his possessive behavior, but it was kinda…hot? You’d play along.
You leaned down, lips nearly brushing against his. “You’re mine, and I’m yours.”
His dick twitched. Before he had the chance to sigh dreamily, you kissed him. He whimpered pitifully and kissed back, already attempting to deepen it. 
He had thought about getting a tongue piercing, but he wouldn’t be able to go weeks without kissing you now that he’d gotten a taste of what it was like. Though, maybe that torture would be worth it if it meant being able to make you feel good in the future.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Then, a bombardment of kisses a day must keep the psychologist away, it felt like all your problems had been washed away the minute your tongue met his. 
His hands roamed your sides, squeezing whenever you tugged on his hair or bit down on his lip. In only five minutes, it went from slow and sensual to fast and needy. 
Your living room was only ever filled with TV noises and conversations. Now, it was nothing but heavy breathing, shaky whines, and the sound of clothes rubbing against each other.
And shit—no, no, no—he was close to making a mess in his pants. “Waitwaitwait, slow down,” he pleaded, voice a pitch higher as he held onto your hips. How embarrassing would it be if he came so quickly from simply kissing? Maybe you’d think he’d only last two fucking seconds in bed (he probably would the first time, and he knew that). 
“What’s wrong?” You ask breathlessly, eyes fluttering open to look at your boyfriend. 
“Nothing, just…” He sat up straighter so he could dip his head down and press his lips against your neck. It felt infinitely better than doing so when you were limp like a ragdoll. 
“Oh,” your eyes rolled back, your hand instinctively went to the back of his head to keep him in place. His cool piercings sent a shiver down your hot skin. Maybe if your mind wasn’t so busy spinning and seeing stars, you’d notice the ever so prominent bulge begging for attention against the side of your inner thigh. 
“Does this feel good?” He asked before starting to gently suck on you. If he was lucky, he’d mark you up. For once, he was eager to see Crowe tomorrow. He’d be sure to wrap his arm around your shoulder and then lean down to press a kiss against the hickey you’d have after all this just to spite him.
“Uh huh…” Your sweet moans fanned against his ear.
He thought this would save him from cumming, but your reactions were just making it worse. There was no way out of it. His stomach was tensing, and his eyes were getting teary—this always happened. “Haa….haaa…”
For someone who usually had little to say, he was so loud. But you didn’t know what was happening in his body, not until it was too late.
“Oh fuck…” His forehead rested against your shoulder as his body shook, black nails digging into you like he needed you close to handle the waves of pleasure. Luckily for him, his words were unintelligible because of how fast he gritted it out. “Iloveyouiloveyoufuckiloveyou.”
You snapped out of your pleasure-induced dazed, hearing him pant heavily and slump against you. You stayed frozen, and moments later, he tipped his head back instead to get air.
“Did you just…” 
Pressing your hands against his chest, you leaned back to get a better look. He did. Fuck he was pretty. Cheeks flushed. Lips swollen. Drool trickling down his chin. Brows furrowed. Eyelashes wet from tears.
You’d never been more turned on in your life. You hadn’t even touched him down there!
He opened his eyes, hiding his face with his shaky hand the second he saw you. “Fuck…I didn’t mean to. I was trying not to.”
You took his hand to pull it away, smiling at him. Geez, it was like you were proud of yourself, and he found it endearing rather than annoying.
“Um…I don’t think I have any spare pants for you. Or uh, you know.”
“…”
“I’ll get you a glass of water.”
“No, don’t leave yet.”
“I’m not leaving! The kitchen is literally right there.”
“Stay here.” He held you close, burying his head against your shoulder again and letting his temperature return to normal.
“Fine…”
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whosmariaaa · 3 months ago
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part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7 !
college! sukuna was indeed head over heels. he couldn’t stop thinking about you. you and your attitude, the way you didn’t take his shit. and maybe the fact that you were playing hard to get.
you were actually not, because you did not want him at all, and you hated his guts more than anything. especially right now.
“are you actually being for real? sukuna, the project is due in a week! and you haven’t done shit! you told me you would!” you told him in irritation. though you were growing more stressed than irritated. this project was a really big part of your grade, and if this wasn’t done right, you were screwed.
he was looking at your face with a lazy grin, though you doubted he was paying attention to anything you were saying.
“uh huh, just chill out, y/n,” sukuna shrugged, unbothered.
“chill out? i’ve been working my ass off for my part of the project, and you haven’t done a single thing!” you rejoined.
he raised an eyebrow. “are you sure? cause i’ve seen your part of the project, and it’s fucking shit—“
SMACK!
heads turned at the loud noise, but you couldn’t possibly care less. “i’m so fucking done with you! get your shit together! you finish your part of the project in two days, or i’m kicking your ass out!” you snapped before storming out of the library.
sukuna held a hand on the cheek that was starting to go a little red from the hit he just took. he wasn’t angry, or irritated. he just watched you go with a slight smirk.
no one ever dared to hurt sukuna and get away with it. that man was menacing, and could get people begging on their knees quickly.
but you? he let you. honestly, you were the most entertainment he was getting since forever. every single little thing you did out of anger, only made his infatuation for you grow. sukuna loved the thrill he got out of you.
two days later, he told you he finished his part of the project. which took a whole lot of weight of your shoulders, because you were starting to grow grey hairs at this rate.
and honestly, something in you told you to trust him. he had phenomenal grades, after all. so, not until a few hours before the deadline did you decide to check his part of the project.
you regretted it. spelling mistakes, grammar errors, nothing on the paper made sense. it was genuinely terrible. and suddenly, you felt as if you were growing grey hairs again. you called sukuna for nth time that hour, but when it send you to voicemail once more, you took it on yourself to fix this crap.
you spend your entire evening and night in complete stress, trying to fix what you could. and you eventually had to send it in, due to the dead line nearing. anxiety was surging through you. but maybe, the professor took mercy on grading projects.
the next few days, you avoided him altogether. no matter what he did or said, you ignored him and kept walking. you were too anxious about the project’s results to even start a fight with him.
and when your grade finally came in, you wanted to die. a 49%. all that hard work, and for what? and on top of that, now you were failing this class too.
after class you confronted him, angrily. but you struggled to conceal how you really felt about all this. you felt like crying, but you kept it in.
“you look pissed. what’s up, baby?” sukuna asked, leaning down condescendingly.
“what the fuck do you think? maybe the 49% on our project? you said you did your part of the project!” you retorted furiously.
he scoffed, “so? i never said i was going to try. i told you to not expect me to give a shit, didn’t i?” he taunted.
sukuna wasn’t taking you seriously at all. he just looked down at you with his stupid, stupid smirk.
you felt your legs go a little wobbly. you felt like shit, actually. and right now, you couldn’t stop the tears either as they welled up in your eyes.
“you’re a piece of fucking shit, sukuna! i hate you so fucking much! fuck you!” you snapped, your voice breaking slightly.
sukuna went silent for a moment at the sight of the tears pooling in your eyes, “shit, baby. i didn’t think you’d care this much,” he replied, though his tone was slightly less mocking.
you couldn’t take it anymore. you wiped your tears and got out of there. you couldn’t deal with all this anymore. and definitely not with him right now.
sukuna just stood there, with a weird feeling bubbling in his stomach at seeing you cry. he was quiet, with his eyebrows furrowed slightly.
“damn. what’cha do? cheat on her?” gojo chimed in, placing his hand on sukuna’s shoulder. but before gojo could react, he slammed him against the wall, and grabbed his collar.
“gojo, i told you to shut the fuck up about her. when the fuck are you going to get a hint? or should i beat the shit out of you first?” he threatened.
he felt himself get pushed off. “calm your ass down,” toji huffed. gojo just scratched his head. he was used to sukuna’s aggression, but not this kind of anger over a girl.
“whatever. watch what the fuck you say, gojo,” he warned firmly. gojo just shot his hands up in defence, “okay, okay. my bad. i won’t start talking about your girl again.”
sukuna’s eye twitched, but he sighed and just let it rest. he still felt like crap about you crying. he didn’t even know why, he made plenty girl cry before. but seeing you cry, made his heart feel heavy.
“fuck is wrong with you?” toji asked, though his tone was calm. sukuna stayed silent for a few moments.
“i fucked up,” he grumbled after a while. toji and gojo exchanged glances, not really sure what to do about all this. sukuna didn’t know either, and that made him feel even more shitty.
──★˙🍓̟!! hi babes!!!! thank you so so so much gor all the love, may God bless u all💞💞 and i’m so sorry i’m very busy with school rn i have a test week so pls forgive me if im a little slow w updates! ill also attempt to do a taglist in part 6, tysm for the patience!
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lovableapocalypse · 2 months ago
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scar tissue
dr. jack abbot x female!resident!reader
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wc: 2k
summary: an unexpected patient arrives in the er and turmoil arises
warnings: medical inaccuracies, mentions of injuries and medical procedures, mentions of alcohol abuse aka reader has a shitty alcoholic dad who yells, mentions of brief sexual content but nothing explicit (mdni!), power dynamic in relationship/reader is a 3rd year resident jack is an attending, unspecified age gap, wrote this at 4am
a/n: this is soooo inspired by greys specifically the scenes where meredith's mom is a patient at sgh and then the mark and lexie (deleted?) scene of them after the shooting. i struggled a lot with the ending of this one so sorry if it sucks lol. hope you like and enjoy and thank you guys for all the love
Tonight’s shift hadn’t been too wild, but you would never risk speaking the words aloud. Jinxing the remaining 3 hours would only ruin the night you’d had so far. 
A few random cases had come through and one drunk driver who was already stable and moved up to the ICU. One of the more chill night shifts you’d had in a while. 
Glancing up from your seat at the nurse’s station, you watch him move from South 15 to the curtain over- checking on patients. 
Your cheeks heat unprofessionally and unintentionally at the sight of him. A habit you needed to kick soon for you worked with the man 4 nights a week. That, and your flustered appearance was becoming more obvious than you’d realized. 
Dr. Abbot has been your attending for over 2 years now. Starting as an intern on an emergency med rotation and thrown to the night shift due to scheduling conflicts- you found yourself working closely under the army vet. 
His dynamic teaching and advantageous reassurance drew you to the emergency department. Deadset on surgery, you completely pivoted after working with the doctor. Declaring your specialty, you were now well into your third year of residency in the pit. 
You felt confident when you worked under Abbot. He gave you the room to make decisions and he trusted your opinions- only stepping in to assist during especially challenging moments. 
He glanced at you as his eyes passed over the board above your head. You shifted your gaze away, crumbling under the slightest look from him. 
This was new. This nervousness. You had always thought Abbot was attractive, harboring a small crush, but he was your superior and that was a boundary you would never feel comfortable crossing. 
Or so you thought. 
It happened 11 days ago. Not that you were counting. 
Your shifts had aligned that week to where you had three days off in a row, a rare occurrence. 
Since residency had put your social life on the back burner you took the opportunity to call up a couple of friends and go out.
By some means of the universe, you had ended up at the same bar as Jack that night. How you ended up in the back of his car was a blur. Skirt bunched around your waist, hips thrusting roughly into yours, hands pulling and grasping at anything they could touch, his mouth whispering dirty words and kissing soft desperate kisses against your skin. 
It was the heat of the moment. That’s what you kept telling yourself. It was a one-time thing. A mistake that wouldn’t happen again. Despite how much you secretly wanted it to. 
So you glanced away. You kept it professional. You avoided him like the plague and spent as little time as you could in his presence.  
You even traded a day shift with McKay to get a night away from him. You didn’t feel guilty or ashamed, you just didn’t want Jack to treat you differently. To see you differently. 
The calm of the ED was short-lived as the charge nurse shouted out, “Incoming ped versus vehicle. 3 minutes.”
You stood from the desk and Jack stepped out of the room he was in. You reached for gloves and moved much slower than you should’ve. 
The ambulance doors opened in a rush and the paramedics pushed in the patient on a stretcher. You were focused on snapping on your gloves. One tore as you pulled it on and you cursed under your breath, reaching for another. You listened to the paramedics as you grabbed a new one. 
“Male. 64. Was hit by a driver. Multiple femoral fractures and a blood alcohol level higher than I’ve ever seen.” The paramedic huffed and the patient slurred aggressively in response. 
You glanced up, approaching the stretcher, and your heart fell out of your chest. Your throat closed up on instinct. The patient was spewing nonsense but his demeanor was obvious. He was angry and drunk. And he was your father. 
Abbot calls out your last name, voice sharper than normal as he motions for your frozen self to come help. To do your job.
You don’t move. Your heart races uncomfortably. You hadn’t seen your dad in a few weeks. He was a drunk who had treated you like the biggest regret of his life from as far back as you could remember. 
You avoided him and only checked in on him every once and a while. Mostly to see if he was still alive. 
Even in his drunken state, your father recognized the last name Jack had spoken. The one you shared with him. 
Your father stopped squirming enough to glance up, directly at you. 
“Look who it is.” His sneer was exaggerated and he threw his head back on the gurney. 
Abbot’s brows furrowed and he looked between the man and you. 
“You know this guy?” He spoke as they moved the gurney to the trauma bay. 
The nurses tried to ask for his name and information but your father was shouting nonsense- mostly about giving him drugs to stop the pain. 
You swallow harshly and follow into Trauma 2. 
You feel like you’re in a dream. Watching your worst childhood memories clash with reality. 
“I need your help here.” Jack snaps at you, his eyes searching yours.
They’re already working. Moving your dad to the bed, cutting his clothes. And you’re useless. Watching and trying not to break down.
Your dad shouts and you flinch involuntarily. He yells at the nurse for morphine. Jack is frustrated at your lack of help, but more so concerned about your behavior. 
Your dad’s head snaps up and he glares right at you. “I’m talking to you! Give me something for the fucking pain-” His words are a jumble, but you understand him loud and clear. 
“Sir-” The nurse starts and your dad shouts over her. 
He keeps his head up, his gaze and words directed at you. 
“Do you know him?” Abbot repeats his question from earlier, harsher this time as he works over the chaos. 
Your dad answers for you unintentionally, shouting your name, “Give me something here. I’m your father for fuck’s sake!”
The room falls quiet for a beat and your stomach twists. 
“This is your dad?” Abbot’s eyebrows meet his forehead. 
“Is he an addict?” The nurse asks you. 
“Only alcohol. That I know of.” Your voice is a whisper. 
Abbot sighs harshly and the nurse moves to give your dad a stronger painkiller. 
“Right, get her out of here and send in Ellis, please.” Jack nods to another nurse. 
She grips your arm softly and you watch as your father finally stops shouting and lays his head back in a morphine-induced haze.
The nurse squeezes your arm and sits you in a chair before rushing off to get the other resident. 
You watch numbly as Ellis goes into the bay. You don’t know how long you stare at the wall for, your mind seeming to shut off. 
You hear Shen’s voice behind you and it sounds like he’s asking you a question but you’re not registering anything. 
Your stomach lurches violently and you stand, walking to the ambulance bay doors. 
They slide open and Shen calls out to you. 
You stagger to the bushes and the contents of your stomach come up. 
You cough and wipe your mouth, catching your breath. 
You grip the wall, needing something to stabilize your influx of emotions. 
His voice comes from behind you after a moment. 
“You okay?”
You turn to him and nod. 
He stands across the bay, hands on his hips. He’s unconvinced. 
He approaches you carefully, like a wounded animal, and you hate it. 
“I’m fine. I just need a minute.” You call back. 
You turn away from him and run a hand over your hair, gasping for a breath. 
His hand finds your elbow in a gentle grip and you glance his way. He doesn’t say anything. He just grabs your arm and slowly moves you to the curb outside the building. 
He sits you down and moves beside you, his knee brushing yours. 
Your eyes well up despite your best efforts. Your breath wracks and your head sags. 
You wipe at your tears as they begin to fall and try to hide your face in your shoulder. You feel his arm come around you, wrapping you in warmth. 
“You’re okay.” His voice is so steady and reassuring that you almost believe him. 
You nod, but the tears keep falling. 
“I’m sorry.”
You feel his head shake beside you. “Don’t apologize.”
Tears stream down your face and his arm squeezes you closer. You let your head fall to his shoulder and let his comfort consume you. 
Processing what just happened, you let Abbot ease your emotional toll. You feel his lips brush your hairline and your eyes squeeze shut. 
Sniffling, you sit upright again. Abbot’s hand stays on you, sliding down to rest on your back. 
“I didn’t know what to do. Or why I reacted like that. I didn’t- I wasn’t expecting to see him. Not here.” You wipe a stray tear away as you try to explain yourself. 
“From what I witnessed, your reaction tells me there’s a whole other story to your relationship with that man. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. You’re a good doctor, but everyone has their limits. Things that hit close to home- or things that come from home.”
He sends you a sympathetic look and you nod at his words.
“I can’t have my best resident freezing up again. Or avoiding me. Which I know you’re doing by the way.” He raises a knowing brow.
The sigh that escapes you is full of embarrassment and nerves. 
“I don’t want to talk about it-”
“About the fact that we slept together or that your dad is an abusive drunk?”
“Jack.” 
“Either topic is up for debate.” His lips rise slightly and you can’t help but shake your head at his persistence. 
“I want to forget it ever happened. All of it.”
It’s silent for a moment and at his lack of response you turn your head to look at him. 
His words are quiet, “If that’s really what you want, I’ll never bring it up again. But if it’s not, I can’t keep pretending that I don’t care deeply for you. In a way that I definitely shouldn’t.”
His words are a punch to the gut. A reality check.
“You do?”
He nods, “Have for a while now.” 
He reaches up to brush a rouge hair off your forehead and you lean into the touch. 
“I do too. I care about you.”
His smile is small, “I figured.”
“Was it that obvious?” You cringe. 
He shakes his head, “You’re just easy to read sometimes.”
“It’s inappropriate. Us.” You state the obvious, though you know the words are a useless feat. 
“Very.” Jack huffs a laugh.
You can’t help the small laugh that escapes you. 
After a moment you speak up again, “Is my dad okay?”
“He will be. He needs surgery, but he’ll live.”
You nod. 
Jack runs his hand up your back, his lips meeting your head. He stands slowly, reaching down to grasp your hand. He pulls you to your feet gently. 
“You don’t have to see him, but if you want to I can go with you.”
“Thank you.”
He nods and starts back towards the automatic doors. 
“Jack.” You call. 
He turns, eyebrows raised in question. 
You step closer to him and repeat the sentiment. 
“I’ll look after you.” He squeezes your hand and moves back inside. 
He drives you home that night. And many more nights after that. Your dynamic changes. While still supportive and professional, it’s deeper and fervent- your relationship building a whole new layer of trust. You loved him and it was easy. No more glancing away or avoidant behaviors. You let Jack into every aspect of your life and he cherished it- nurtured it. 
He was everything you needed and more. You accepted each other in whole, scar tissue and all. 
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bambiihee · 5 months ago
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𝓑US𝓣 𝓨𝓞UR 𝓚N𝓔𝓔 𝓒A𝓟S 𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ 방찬
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you can't seem to get away from your ex husband, no matter how hard you try.
⧼ 🩹 ⧽ 一 𝓹a𝓲r𝓲n𝓰 ⸝⸝⸝ ex husband!bang chan 𝓍 fem!reader 𝓲nc𝓵u𝓭e𝓼 ⚬ ⚬ ⚬ unnamed oc daughter
𝓰e𝓷𝓻e ⚬ ⚬ ⚬ non-idol au, smut, angst, porn with plot
𝔀arn𝓲n𝓰𝓼 ⸝⸝⸝ dubcon, street fighter and underground boxer!chan, criminal!chan, mentions of jail and gangs, graphic descriptions of blood and injury, toxic and possessive behavior, toxic ex!chan, manipulation, explicit language and sexual content, soft dom!chan, degredation and praise kink, rough sex, unprotected sex, creampies, dirty talk, breeding kink, impregnation mentions, clit slapping, daddy kink, squirting 𝔀𝓸r𝓭 c𝓸un𝓽. 6. 2 k | ⧼ 🥊 ⧽ 一 𝓽𝓸 𝓵i𝓫rar𝔂.
♫ 𝓫u𝓼𝓽 𝔂𝓸ur 𝓴nee ca𝓹𝓼 ❪ 𝓳o𝓱nn𝔂 𝓭on'𝓽 𝓵eave 𝓶e ❫ 一 𝓹𝓸m𝓹𝓵am𝓸𝓸𝓼e
[n𝓸𝓽e𝓼.] my first fic on my new blog! something shorter to start out with <3 this took me a little too long to write i'm afraid since it's my first go at angst themes but i'm pretty proud of how this turned out! this isn't proofread, so please lmk if there are any mistakes! feedback is greatly appreciated <3
THE KNOCK ON THE door makes your heart fall to the pit of your stomach, cutting through the peaceful quiet of your kitchen like a knife. You drop the pot you were scrubbing in shock, clanging loudly as you grip the edges of the sink in a futile attempt to calm the pounding of your heart. At first you think— hope— that you were simply just hearing things, your little skyline apartment falling back into an uncertain silence sprinkled with the pouring rain outside, an atmosphere that no longer felt comfortable. But the knocking starts again, loud enough to be mistaken as thunder, ringing in your ears like alarm bells. You nearly jump out of your skin, your hands shaking as they reach out to turn off the water faucet. There’s only one person who would ever show up at your door this late at night, and you’ve done everything you possibly could to avoid him for the past four months.
It couldn’t possibly be him. It had to be someone else, your landlord or a neighbor or a maintenance man or anyone. You hadn’t told him your new address, hadn’t spoken to him since the day you packed up your daughter and what little you had and left him, never looking back. But you hadn’t called for maintenance, and you hadn’t heard from your landlord, and the way that his fist beat on the door as if it had somehow offended him was unmistakable.
You consider, for a split, mindless moment, that you could simply ignore him. He’s just a man, after all— a weak, spineless one at that, underneath that intimidating façade he loves to hide behind. He’ll give up and leave eventually, you try to convince yourself, but you know him far too well to fall into that blind hope. The knocking only gets louder and more aggressive to the point that you begin to worry that he’ll wake the baby.
The thought alone is enough to get your blood boiling, a red-hot anger overtaking any amount of fear or trepidation that kept you back. You refused to let this coward affect your daughter, wake her up without a single thought or care when you had just spent hours gently rocking her to sleep. Not after everything you’ve went through to keep him away from her.
You hurl the sponge into the sink with a scowl before spinning around and storming to the door. You wrench it open mid-knock, leaving the man on the other side of it standing there with his fist outstretched and blinking at you owlishly.
The sight of him shocks you to your core, despite how much you had tried to prepare yourself— blood drips into his bruised, swollen eye from a large cut on his forehead, just barely visible behind his wet hair sticking to his skin. The rain washes it away, down his chin to drip onto your welcome mat, staining it a faded red in the outline of his scuffed sneakers. He’s drenched down to the bone, the sharp ridges of his pecs and abs visible through his white tee shirt, the thin dark jacket he had draped across his shoulders doing little to protect him from the ever-worsening downpour. His dominant hand he curls protectively against his bloody abdomen; the knuckles are busted, and his pinky finger is twisted unnaturally to the side.
You look back up to his face just in time for him to flash you a weak, wobbly smile, a wounded ghost of the ones that used to send your heart soaring and fill your stomach with butterflies. His plump bottom lip is split down the middle, a jagged crater that threatens to open even further with every movement he made.
“Hey.” he croons, dropping his fist to his side, pained little smile dropping into more of a wince.
“What the fuck are you doing here?!” you hiss venomously, praying to any god that would listen that he couldn’t tell how badly you were shaking. “How the fuck did you get my address? Go away before I call the cops. I thought I told you I never wanted to see you again.”
“Come on, baby, wait—” you try to slam the door shut, but he catches it with ease, and even one-handed he’s stronger than you could ever hope to be.
“Don’t fucking call me that, Christopher. Answer my question.” You sneer, biting back hot, painful tears.
If any of your words hurt him, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he extends his wounded hand, prying open his fingers with some effort to present you a bloody, crumpled wad of bills.
“For her.” He says simply.
Your eyes rake over the bills as if they were alien, hardly able to muster up the breath needed to scoff at him incredulously. “I don’t want your dirty money.”
You had a sneaking suspicion of just exactly where he had gotten that money from, it was written all over his busted, bleeding face— under no circumstances would you line your pockets with the bettings from street fights, feed and clothe your daughter with money that people had shed blood for. You had told him this when you had left him, given him the choice to leave it all behind or lose everything.
He chose the streets, and you kept your promise.
Yet you don’t have the strength to slam the door in his face, no matter how much you ached with the desire. Chan keeps the bills outstretched, the blood-smeared faces printed on them winking up at you, taunting you.
“Who told you where I live.”
“…A friend. Please, just take it.” He whispers, just short of begging. “I know how badly you need it. He told me you were struggling.”
“You don’t know anything.” you spit, but there’s no fire behind your words anymore. The rain has put it out, left you defeated, feeling betrayed, admiring how the streaks of lightning illuminate Chan’s hunched over silhouette. Your mind wracks itself for whichever one of his goons could have possibly caught sight of you, but you come up empty. You fear he may have found you through an inside source.
 Thunder booms in the distance, much like your heart. The helpless, desperate look in Chan’s big brown eyes sends the rest of your defenses crumbling to dust.
he tries to shuffle his way inside, and you let him— everything inside of you yells at you to stop him, shove him away and close the door, never to look at him again. But you don’t. You slide submissively to the side, open the creaking door open further for him to step into your living room. No matter how hard you try to convince your muscles to move or your mouth to open and retort, all you can do is stand frozen by the door, watching with wide eyes as he drips blood onto the carpet.
He tosses the stack of cash onto the coffee table, the bills unfurling and flying everywhere. You count six, maybe seven million won, all those zeroes staring up at you as your mouth goes agape.
You had been losing sleep for days over having to tell your landlord that you would be late on rent for the third time this year. Somehow, you feel like Chris knows that, though it was impossible to tell how— it brought you back to all the times before where you swore that he could read your mind.
It seems that he still could, even out in those dark alleyways, on the other side of the city. Tethered to him. Just what you were afraid of.
“You’re getting blood everywhere,” you finally manage to say, your usually strong voice timid and weak. “at least let me clean you up.”
Mindlessly, you scamper back to your kitchen, bending down to rummage through the cabinet beneath the sink. your first aid kit was still in there somewhere, hidden behind a mountain of cleaning supplies and spare bottles, something from your old life that you had held on to just in case. It was as if you were moving in a trance, just sheer muscle memory, the situation all too familiar; you couldn’t count the amount of times Chan had come home just like this before, back when you were still together, beaten and staggering but grinning victoriously as you carefully clean and bandage him up. It used to excite you, even, in some sick, dark way. He never lost a fight.
But that was before you had gotten pregnant. Before the danger that lurked beneath the surface of your husband’s lifestyle creeped up on you and became all too real.
“I’m fine.” Chan replies gruffly, though the pain in his voice suggests otherwise. “I just want to see my baby girl.”
Your fingers freeze around the first aid kit, all the heat and color draining from your face. “You’re not seeing her.”
“You can’t keep me from her.” Chan replies coldly. “She’s my daughter, too.”
You jump to your feet so fast that your vision goes fuzzy, spinning around to watch with wild eyes as he balances his good hand on the wall and limps his way to the nursery. You hate how he still remembers where it is.
He smears a trail of blood across your tattered wallpaper. The sight of it shocks you into action.
“You get away from her!” You snarl, nearly leaping across the dining table to grab onto the sleeve of Chan’s jacket. “Don’t you dare go anywhere near her!”
He shoves you off effortlessly, his sheer strength nearly sending you flying back against the wall. “Stop acting like I’m going to hurt her.” He growls, making it to the nursery door in the time it takes for you to regain your senses. “You know I’d never let anyone lay a single fucking finger on her.”
He quietly cracks the door open and steps inside, leaving you to follow him biting your tongue— you can’t bear the thought of her waking up, especially now with Chan in the room. She hasn’t seen her father since she was born, and that was only because he had forced his way inside of the delivery room. He was essentially a stranger to her.
And, quite frankly, how she might react if she lays eyes on him again scares the shit out of you.
Chan staggers to the crib, quiet as a mouse, his large frame bending over the railings to look down into it. Your daughter lay on the mattress peacefully asleep, her little chest rising and falling with her soft, steady breaths. You’ve stared at her for hours before, studying every freckle, every wispy eyelash that brushed against her rosy, round cheeks. The way her nose is already starting to look like her father’s, his dimples forming around the upturned corners of her dainty little lips, always giving the impression that she was enjoying her dreams. Whatever they were, you took some comfort in knowing that they were, they’re better than what waits for her when she opens her eyes.  
Chan is nothing short of entranced, grabbing ahold of the crib’s railings with both hands, so tightly that his cracked knuckles were threatening to split back open. He gazes at her sleeping little form with a look in his eyes you’ve never seen before— a fire burning, but not one that hurt or destroyed. Not anything like the fire in his eyes you were used to. It was one that warmed and protected, the watchful, dutiful stare of a weathered knight in armor.
Something warm and heady swirls in your gut, unwelcome but in no way unpleasant. You fixate on his face, unable to look away, and watch awe-stricken as your ex-husband refamiliarizes himself with his daughter’s face.
“She’s grown.” He whispers, undoubtedly able to feel you breathing over his shoulder. His voice is flat and lifeless, but it starts to break at the end— he blinks hard, and you swear for a second that you saw his eyes shiny with tears.
“Oh, she’s a monster.” You reply easily, the rampant emotions swirling around in your head calming down at the sight of your baby peacefully sleeping. Talking about her is soothing, almost therapeutic. “Always hungry. The doctor says she’ll be nearly nine kilograms by the time she’s six months.”
“My little girl… she was so tiny in my arms…” Chan laments, lowering his eyes to look down at his hands. It was like he was looking at someone else’s, shocked by the dirty, bloodied state of them. He suddenly wrenches them from the railings and shoves them in his soaked jacket pockets, the act causing him to grimace with pain. In the peripherals of your vision, you see faint bloody fingerprints smeared across the white wood.
You struggle to keep your voice calm. “She’s gotten so big so fast… it feels like that day was just yesterday.”
Chan’s gaze hardens and grows cold again, his head spinning to stare you down with an ironclad sharpness. “Not to me!” he spits, gritting his jaw. “Not when you wouldn’t let me ever fucking see her, wouldn’t tell me where you were, how you were doing. I’ve been looking for you two for months. How am I supposed to keep you safe, my baby safe? I had to track my family down like dogs. What kind of mother keeps a father away from their child?”
Your shoddy mask of calmness cracks, red hot anger flaring back up again and rising to the surface. Your voice trembles terribly, but the disgust in your words is palpable. “She’s not your fucking baby, Chris! That’s my baby. Mine. You made that call before she was even born. You’re not her family, you’re hardly even her father— you’re nothing to her.”
The last comment strikes a chord within him. He stalks towards you, his dark eyes boring into yours, all that stormy emotion churning in them focusing directly onto you. Chan isn’t exceptionally tall, but you feel so incredibly small underneath him; he looms over you like some kind of predator, his lip curling back into a nasty snarl. “I’m nothing to her because you made it that way.” He seethes, his deep voice growing louder and louder. “Don’t you ever try to put it in my baby’s head that I don’t love her. Stop trying to convince yourself, for fuck’s sake— you both are absolutely everything to me, you know that. Everything that I do is for our future.”
You scoff. “If you really care that much about “our future”, you would have stopped this. Fighting for these clubs. The racing, the gangs. You would have listened to me and left it all behind, gotten a real job. Show me that you actually give a shit and aren’t just blowing smoke up my ass. You’re addicted to this, all of it. It’s sick.”
“You don’t fucking get it, do you?” Chan sneers, shoving his face up against yours. “You just can’t get it into your dumb, pretty little head. What kind of “real job” is gonna take an ex-con? Even if they do, I wouldn’t make nearly as much money as I can out on the streets. All I want to do is provide for you and our daughter; can’t you see that? I’m doing what I have to do to survive. My own future is fucking ruined. You two are all I have left.”
“And you’ll ruin ours too!” you laugh incredulously, directly in his face. “With all your blood money and all the enemies you make. You’re going to get arrested and locked up again, destroy mine and my daughter’s lives— fuck, you’ll get us all fucking killed! What if someone you beat wants revenge?! These are dangerous people, Chris!”
“That’s what I’m trying to protect you from!!” Chan roars, slamming his fist against the crib’s guardrail. His voice and the loud thump startles you, all three of you— you and Chan both peer down into the crib to see your daughter’s peaceful sleeping face screw up, her mouth opening to let out a shrill wail as she kicks out her little chubby legs.
Chan’s face falls, all the bitterness and anger leaving his body in a rush, like he had a bucket of cold water poured over the head. He looks the part, anyway, still dripping wet from the rain, tearing his eyes away from your own to stare down at your daughter as if she were a ghost. Your rage overtakes you to the point it can no longer contain it, your entire body shaking as you manage to grit out two icy words;
“Get out.”
Surprisingly, he does. He takes one last long look at your fussing daughter before slowly turning and shuffling out of the nursery.  Your eyes bore holes into his back as he retreats, expecting him to turn around at any moment with some more nasty words to sling your way… but he never does. He stays completely silent as he shoulders open the door, doesn’t even turn to look back at you as it clicks shut behind him.
Part of you wants to follow him, chase him out snarling and snapping like some guard dog, but your daughter’s frightened little cries tug painfully at your heart strings. Tears of your own pool in your eyes as you carefully lift her out of her cot and snuggle her against your chest, soothing your hand down her quivering back as she hiccups into your sweater. “Shhh, it’s okay… you’re safe, Mommy’s got you…”
You rock her until she falls asleep again, fighting the entire time not to break out into sobs yourself, and when you finally place her back down into her crib and slip out of the nursery, you’re not at all surprised to see Chan still in your apartment, hunched over on the couch with his head in his hands.
Your apartment looks like a fucking crime scene. For the first time tonight you’re able to take everything in, all the blood dripped on the floor and smeared on the walls. All the muddy shoeprints and puddles of rainwater. The cabinets under the sink are still swung open, your first aid kit left forgotten on the kitchen floor.
You don’t have the energy to be mad at Chan anymore, your gaze lingering back on his weathered frame. You don’t have the energy to feel anything except empty. Depleted.
Wordlessly, you pick the first aid kit off the floor and make your way to Chan. He lets you cup his face without a fight, raise it out of his hands so you can dab an alcohol pad against the cut on his forehead. The sting makes him wince, but he doesn’t try to move away, looking up at you with eyes full of stars as you wipe away the dried blood from his skin. The dim lamp by the couch cast dark shadows across his handsome face, bathing him in a sensual, intimate light. You can’t bear to look back into them, the way they make your heart twist painfully in your chest, deep chocolate brown so effortless to get lost in. You busy yourself with bandaging up his forehead, and then his lip, and then his busted hand.
“Why are you doing this?” Chan whispers softly, the question making you stop in your tracks.
“I… don’t know.” You admit after a long pause. You do it without thinking, just like when he first stepped inside. Your natural response after seeing him hurt so many times before, playing nurse while he boasts to you about his triumphs, fills you with empty promises and proclamations of love. Your hero, swearing to you that you were his savior. Everything in you still aches to soothe him, heal his wounds and numb his pain, be his guardian angel like you used to be before his suffering became your own.
If he were addicted to the fighting, you would be addicted to what came after.
“I know you still love me.” Chan professes boldly, a wild spark in his eye. “I know you do, baby— you know I love you too. More than anything. Why won’t you let this— us—work? Why are you trying to run away from me?”
Your fingers pause in the middle of wrapping up his knuckles in gauze, quivering slightly as you let out an agonized sigh. “It’s not about whenever or not I love you, Chris. I have to put our daughter first. I have to make sure she’ll be safe and happy.”
You barely manage to finish bandaging up his hand, your knotting work far from the best. The minute you let go of him he pulls you right back, his big hands enveloping yours and squeezing tightly. “She will be, I promise. I’ll keep both of you safe, never let anything happen to either of you— I’ve got the means to keep you protected no matter what happens. You’re my everything… I’m so lost without you.”
His bandaged hand slides up to caress your cheek, his skin so bitterly cold. “Channie…” you warn, but you’re the weakest you’ve been all night. Chan can see it in your eyes.
“I was so fucking worried about you.” He continues softly, hushed like he was kneeling for confession. “I’ve missed you so bad… please, baby, don’t ever leave me like that again.”
Breaking feels a lot like letting go. Dropping all your fear and worry, any semblance of rational thought to finally allow yourself to nuzzle into Chan’s touch. He knows you too well, always knows exactly what to say to get your walls to come crashing down, what to do to when the smoke clears and you’re left defenseless amongst the rubble. Because, underneath all the piling resentment and hatred, the divorce, the distance you’ve been fighting for, you truly do still love him. You fear you always will.
Your eyes flutter closed as you bask in Chan’s affection, preen under his loving gaze and delight in the way he cradles you as if you were made of glass— you feel so precious yet so fragile, yielding to a man strong enough to shatter you completely, leave you nothing but a pile of dust and broken shards.
You’ve never felt safer.
“God, you’re so pretty…” he whispers awestruck, under his breath almost as if he were talking to himself. His thumb maps out the curve of your cheekbone, down, down, down to your pliant, pouting lips. The pad of it is hardened and calloused, rough against the soft skin of your bottom lip, but the sensation leaves you aching for more; you open your eyes to bat your eyelashes up at him, open your mouth to invite his thumb to creep inside.
The flash of carnal, animalistic lust in his eyes sends a wave of liquid fire coursing through you, down your spine to where it pools heavy in your belly. You purse your lips around his thumb and suck it in deeper, hollowing your cheeks as if you were sucking on something else entirely. Chan groans deep in his chest, his other fingers curling tight around your chin to pull you towards him. “Fuck. Come here, babygirl.”
You surge forward to capture your lips with his, and he meets you halfway; the pillow softness of his lips are hauntingly familiar against yours, yet somehow they feel completely brand new, like uncharted territory in a land you’ve ventured in countless times before. Any chastity is quickly tossed to the side with the heady sensation of his tongue tracing the seam of your lips, the warmth in your belly heightening into a wild swirl. You’re shocked by your own eager response, opening up immediately to let him ravish your mouth with a forceful domination that left you weak. He pulls you effortlessly onto his lap, your legs spreading to wrap instinctively around his waist, the closeness of your bodies maddening. Your blood pounded in your ears, leapt from your heart with a scalding fire, and made your body tremble, senses reeling as if you had short-circuited. Clashing emotions whirled around in your head, but your consciousness had left you the minute your lips made contact with his. All you can think of is how passionately Chan devoured you, the force of his kiss almost punishing, like a soldering heat that bonds metal. Yet it felt like anything but a punishment, doused in a honeyed sweetness that called to you like a drug, dragged you under the waves of dreamy tenderness, filled your head with thoughts of how good it would feel to let yourself drown.
You kiss him back with reckless abandon, hands reaching out to hold him, anywhere you possibly can— the wispy hairs at the base of his neck, the worn leather of his jacket, the grooves of his defined muscles through the fabric of his wet tee shirt. He crushes you against him, swallows you within his big beefy arms, one of his hands running down the small of your waist to grab a fat handful of your ass. You gasp against his mouth as his touches grow bolder, massaging the globes of your ass and guiding your hips to glide against his. The outline of his half-hard cock pokes at you through his jeans, growing thicker and stiffer with every passing second, pressed perfectly against the curve of your cunt. Your sleep pants are thin enough to where it feels like you’re wearing nothing at all, and when Chan cants his hips up his bulge grinds right against your clit. He does it again, and again, until you’re squirming helplessly against him, panting and moaning into his mouth.
“Chan, we can’t do this…” you manage to stutter out between kisses, the reality of the situation finally beginning to dawn on you again. But Chan ignores your plea, his lips leaving yours to sear a path down your neck and shoulders. He nibbles at your skin, kisses the pulsing hollow at the base of your throat, distracting you enough to slide one of his hands to cup your pussy.
“Yes we can.” He croons against your heated skin, hot tongue escaping between his lips to lick a tantalizing stripe up your neck. “I can feel how wet this pussy is, baby, how needy you are for me. Just let me in, princess, let me take care of you…”
He slides his fingers down your covered slit, your clothes sticking to your mound with your sopping juices, drenched to the point you can’t possibly hide your arousal. Your engorged clit aches, empty hole clenches around nothing… you whimper pathetically in defeat.
“Come on, say it. Say you want me.”
You really were nothing but an addict. Addicted to the power he holds over you.
“fuck, oh f-fuck— right there!”
Chan knows every single spot inside of you to make you scream, his thick cock hitting each one expertly with each of his powerful thrusts. The angle he has you bent in makes you see stars, his big rough hands clasped tight around your ankles to push your legs up against your chest and spread you wide open— he’s never fucked you this roughly before, his feet planted on the mattress to pound into you animalistically, but even then there’s still a bitter tenderness to the way he holds you up against him, gazes down at you in rapture as you fall apart beneath him.
“Yeah? Right there?” He coos, deep Aussie accent dripping with poisoned honey, “Feel me all the way in your tummy, baby? Feel this fat cock splitting you open? Fuck, you’re so tight, sucking me in. Greedy little cunt.” He lets go of one of your ankles to press down on the bulge he’s made in your belly, your trembling leg curling over his shoulder in ecstasy as the pressure in your core increases.
“So deep!” you hiccup stupidly in reply, fisting the sheets as your world explodes and shatters behind your eyelids. His bulbous cockhead slams repeatedly against your cervix in a punishing rhythm, so deep inside of you that you mindlessly fear that he’s pushed through and was fucking your womb. “Deep! S-so fucking big!”
Chan growls like a beast, his efforts doubling in speed and intensity, “Missed this cock, didn’t you, princess? God, listen to how fucking wet you are. Hear how badly this cunt needed me?”
He emphasizes his claim with a particularly harsh thrust, your pussy squelching obscenely around him and filling your dark, quiet bedroom with loud, filthy noises. “C’mon, tell Daddy how badly you missed this.”
Somewhere in the back of your mind, you worry that you’ll wake up the baby again. Chan fucks you loudly and shamelessly, like he doesn’t care that your daughter sleeps in the room just across the hall... the thought reignites your anger.  You want to accost him, defy him, tell him that you didn’t miss him at all. That you weren’t desperate for him to make you cum and finally leave you satisfied after months of frustration. That you didn’t think of him at night when you played with yourself, or when you took another man to your bed, because as much as it agonizes you no other man has ever made you feel as good as he does. But you couldn’t string the words together, could hardly even think with how pleasure coursed through every fiber of your being. Besides, Chan knows when you’re lying.
“M-missed your c-cock,” you admit between whimpers and moans, your face burning with shame and arousal. “M-missed Daddy’s cock so fucking much, needed it so bad— oh, fuck, Chris, Daddy, please—!”
Chan snatches your hips and tugs you roughly towards him, lifting your bottom half up off the bed to fuck into you impossibly deeper. Your mouth falls open in a gasp of sweet agony, arching your back and tossing your head against the pillows. The show of sheer strength gets you impossibly wetter, your juices coating his heavy balls as they clap wetly against your ass. “Good pussy.” He grunts, his fingers digging bruising indents into the flesh of your waist. “Love this pretty little pussy— gonna fuck it ‘til it’s molded to my cock. Gonna ruin you for anyone except for me. This cunt belongs to me, doesn’t it, baby? God, look at you… taking it like such a good girl.”
His words make your head spin, a searing need building in your core, molten lava beneath your skin heating your thighs and groin. It feels divine, better than you ever remember… but it’s not enough to send you over the edge, give you that release you crave so desperately. “Need more,” you keen, “More, Daddy, please!”
“Greedy girl.” Chan chuckles darkly, the sound going straight to your cunt. “Tell me what you need, baby, and I’ll give it to you.”
You can’t respond, fucked so stupid you don’t know what you’re begging for— Chan tsks like he’s disappointed, letting go of your hips with one hand to grab a rough fistful of your hair. He tugs your head up to look at him, dark eyes dripping with lust and delicious dominance; you struggle to keep your eyes open, your vision swimming and your eyelids drooping from the onslaught of pleasure Chan continues to pound into you. “Too dumb on cock to speak? C’mon, pretty girl, tell Daddy what you want him to do to you.”
He tugs on your hair again, pain erupting across your scalp. It blends with your pleasure to create a heady, dizzying cocktail of ecstasy. You cry out in delight, letting go of the bedsheets to scramble for something sturdier to hold on to, ground you— your hands find purchase on your own tits, bouncing with Chan’s thrusts, and you knead the plump flesh with a wanton sob, your fingers twisting and pinching at your nipples hard enough to make you shake.
“My clit!” you finally manage to whimper out, broken and pathetic. “My clit, my clit— touch me, touch my clit, please!”
He does as he promised, leaning back to spit messily on your clit before letting go of your hair to circle the bud with his thumb. Your head falls back limply onto the pillows, hazy eyes rolling back in your head as you sob and hiccup in uncontrollable pleasure.
“Gettin’ close, babygirl? I can feel it, pussy squeezing me so tight— I’m close too, fuck, gonna cum so fucking deep inside of you!” Chan���s thrusts grow sloppy, his chest heaving as he pants open-mouthed like a dog. “How about that, hm? Want me to put another baby inside of you? So everyone knows not to touch what’s mine? I’ll breed this pussy so fucking full you’ll be dripping my cum for days…”
His words should scare you, should break whatever spell he’s put you under and have you begging him to pull out. But you’ve slipped away from reality, floating mindlessly in an erotic fantasy you’ve convinced yourself is too good to be true. You don’t want to wake up, don’t want to think about what lies ahead of you once Chan leaves your bed once again. You babble and beg for his cum, for him to bring you to your own climax, scratching deep red marks into his chest. They look at home amongst all the bruises.
“Tell me you love me.” Chan grunts abruptly, the rhythm of his thrusts slowing down to barely moving, his cock dragging along your gummy walls deliciously buy far too slowly.
You blink up at him in shock and confusion. “H-huh?”
“Tell me you love me and I’ll make you cum.” He repeats, his eyes boring into yours, a knowing look in his eyes like he can see into your soul. “I love you so much, and I’m gonna show it with all this cum I’m gonna pump into this sweet cunt… don’t you love me too? Just say it and I’ll give you what you want, what you need…”
You’re just on the precipice of orgasm, teetering on the edge but unable to push yourself over, and your poor heart feels so exposed and raw… you can’t help but relent to him, succumb to his desires like you always do.
“I love you! I-I love you, Channie, Daddy, love you s-so much— ah!!”
His hips pick up to a speed that seems nearly superhuman, rutting into you wildly like an animal in heat as he grunts and groans, pinches your clit hard between his thumb and forefinger to make you scream. It feels so good, too good, and big watery tears roll down your cheeks as your body begins to vibrate with your orgasm. You’ve never cried during sex before.
“Let go, my love.” Chan croons, slapping your clit lightly. “Let it all out…”
Your orgasm hits you like a tsunami, a tidal wave of explosive hysteria— with a shriek you squirt everywhere, all over Chan’s hand, belly, thighs, creamy droplets flying with every nasty wet thrust. Your gummy walls spasm around his cock, sucking him in deeper as if to ensure you milk him dry. “That’s it, babygirl, cum for daddy!” Chan howls, intent on talking you through it even as he creeps closer and closer to climax himself. “Fuck yes, such a good girl, making a mess for me— gonna cum now, too, gonna breed this pussy! Ready for it? Gonna take it all, right princess?”
“Yes! Yesyesyes, please, please! Give it to me, daddy!”
He shoots his load deep inside of you with an animalistic growl, hot and thick painting your walls creamy white. It feels never ending, fat cock twitching with every spurt of seed he dumps into your womb, filling you up so much that thick globs of it spills out around him and drips down his balls to mix with the puddle forming on the soaked bedsheets. His legs give out and he collapses against you, gasping for breath with his face buried in your chest; you wrap your weak, trembling arms around his neck, and the two of you dissolve into breathless giggles as you slowly grind against each other ride out your highs. When Chan finally pulls out you see a foamy white ring around the base of his softening cock, sticking in his pubes.
You can feel your spent cunt leak his seed, dripping down your ass— Chan stares at in in awe, his fingers sliding up your sensitive folds to collect it and push it back inside.
“So beautiful…” he whispers, grinning as he admires your creamy bred pussy. His fingers at your hole makes you whimper in overstimulation, and you try to close your legs and squirm away, making him laugh. His eyes crinkle in that adorable way you hate to love so much. “You’re so beautiful.”
You don’t have the heart to make him leave, not when he runs you a warm bath and cleans you up so nicely. Not when he strips the bed and changes the sheets for you so you can lay comfortably, holding you close and whispering sweet nothings into your hair. Not as he promises to you that he’ll change, that he’ll do whatever it takes to keep you in his arms, that white picket fences are just over the horizon. You feel weightless, floating, satisfied… and that makes you feel sick.
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